#and it still woke me up early
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Set my alarm for 6:30 but it didn’t go off until 7 so I missed my therapy appointment 🙃
#m rambles#and no I didn’t just sleep through it or snooze it#I’ve got a traditional bell alarm clock#⏰ <- one of these assholes#it only goes off once so you can’t snooze it#but sometimes I’ve adjusted the time I set my alarm for and it just doesn’t change#one time I tried to make it so I could wake up later#and it still woke me up early#I might need to get a new one
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creatures
#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#nene kusanagi#tsukasa tenma#queuing this for like 6 in the morning dont let me fool you into thinking i woke up this early#im sorry posting at like 7pm feels so wrong. people are up at 7pm. dont like that#'why didnt you draw rui' Well why is rui so hard to draw. Anybody ever think of that.#I still havent finished that wxs nene gaming art i used as an example in my comms sheetbc i dont wanna have to render rui#Yes wxs are all my favorites. Yes that includes rui. Yes im tiering 3k in his event rn. No i wont figure out his hair#get that glowstick of a woman out of my face. He needs to het an alt hairstyle i cna draw.#sorry what was i tagging again. um. Whatever aHiiiii#WAIT#emukasa#YAAAAY#im a polyshower but theyre the only ones i drew together so enjoy yuri#i found a cute blog theme that also hides tags under a hover so i can say as much as i want and nobody can be annoyed#If you choose to look at my dastardly tags after i hid them away thats on you
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I just want my passion back man idk why that's so much to ask for
#pom ponders#personal#my favorite part of the day used to be any extra time i had to write#i desperately miss the days where i woke up early all on my own excited because it meant extra time to write#now even just thinking about writing can make me so tired and drained#i can't write anymore and I'm so upset about it#I've spent the last four months sobbing because it's basically ruined for me#i was so happy...i want it back#i still have stories to tell and i love them so much#but trying to get them out has turned into a chore and i feel like I've lost a part of myself#some days i feel so sick over it that i can barely eat#I've lost so much sleep over this#it's not fair...i didn't do anything wrong...#I'm still being punished for doing what was ultimately the right thing and i don't understand#i want to want to write again#delete later
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near deathnote despite his limited mobility / physical strength is nonetheless about to carry me through this week. he's my everything
#slept so bad woke up so abnormal about him!!#i have to deal with the most unpleasant people ive ever worked with again this week#and my hope is that they're less horrendous than last time but like. they were actually so bad last time#like i was working late nights and early mornings and weekends AND they were treating me like shit 👍#these are not people from my institution but rather people from another team that i and everyone i work with hate#anyway. im being so brave about it!! wish me luck etc#will actually still be posting several more things this week and next though bc i already have a few more finished 🫣����👈#so. still prepare to be sick of me#neallopost
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I think the main thing that pisses me off about like 90% of mephiles ships is that people will be like "how old is he??" Look that fanwiki says that he's ten and they RUN with it. Like they don't read further. I'm so convinced that most people don't even know the plot of 06 bc the shit I've seen people draw and write with the characters is just mind boggling.
#trash rambles#like yeah i understand thwt nearly all of the named sonic characters are either minors or unspecified#but like#even if he was actually ten#shipping him with other minor characters would be so weird 😭#plus i dont think it would even matter if he has actually a minor because that uncomfortable power dynamic would still be there with most#other characters#and like#god idk#the amount of dog shit mephiles ships i have to have blocked in my tags is extremely upsetting#LIKE. WDYM?#MARIA??????#STOP IT 😭#tikal makes more sense but that one still makes me uncomfortable#idk i dont even remember all the ones i blocked i just remember that find the maria posts was like#devistating#that and the one person who liked all my 06 posts and was a mephiles and elise shipper (theyre siblings to me so someone like that liking m#art of them is understanbly upsetting)#that being said how old do i think infinite is??? because he doesnt have an official age (that i could find)#personally i think hes anywhere from 19 (at the absolute youngest) to like. early 30s idk 💀#somewhere between thoes idk#the only version of him that has a 100% solid age in my head is for the ghost au and hes 22 in that (bc hes a junior in collage)#n e way#i just woke up so ignore if this is illegible#ugh idk i really try not to be gate-keepy about stuff i like because its annoying but like#i love 06 so much it kinda hurts tl see people just kinda not knowing even the basic plot or like. only going off the fandubs (which i#really enjoy but at a certain point you can only say mephiles is ur favorite and have people quote it at you or in the comments of your 06#posts so many times before you just like. idk. (also ive had people irl tell me 06 sucks after i told them directly it was my favorite sonic#game??? like??? bro you asked ME.))
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#y'all my birthday literally just started and it's been one of the best birthdays I've ever had in a really long time.#all my friends were so HYPED TO CELEBRATE **MY** BIRTHDAY and it honestly made me feel so loved and cared about#i was absolutely astonished by the love and time my friends put into their respective pieces and I love them absolutely to bits#my boyfriend also spent most of the day making my birthday cake 🥹 because i told him i wanted strawberry shortcake....#I JUST REALLY FELT SOOO LOVED TODAY#i still am just shooketh they were EAGERLY WAITING FOR MY BIRTHDAY...like WEEKS THEY WERE HYPED AND IDKKKK THAT JUST SO HEARTWARMING TO ME#i absolutely love and appreciate my friends soooo much. idk where I'd be without them#URRAAAAAAGGGHGGGGGGGGGGGG WORDS LITERALLY CAN'T DESCRIBE HOW MUCH JOY I FEELLLL#literally sobbed when they were showering me with words#😭😭😭😭😭 I'm love them sooo much#💗💖💗💖💗💖💗💖💗💗💗💗💖💗💗💖💗💖💗💖💗💖💗💖💗💗💖💗💖💗💖💗💖💗#Steph sent me the gift so early i woke up and was blown away#SoBS THEN IT JUST DIDN'T STOPPPPPPLPPP PLEASEEE BESTIES MY BIRTHDAY JUST STARTED 😭😭😭😭 IMMA SMOOCH ALL OF YOU
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Faust says testament has a codependency problem and fanny says testament needs sedatives i wish they encountered more medical professionals this is so awesome
#for the record faust says 共依存 literally codependence i am not just interpreting#the kat goes meow#gg#WHY DO I KEEP WAKING UP TOO EARLY AND THINKING ABOUT TESTAMENT? I NEED TO GET MORE SLEEP 7 HOURS ISNT ENOUGH#like at least this time i woke up to someone asking me about testament. there was a catalyst. but still its day 5 of this
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also re my previous labru shitpost I think it'd be really funny if kabru was like "well I need to know if I'm sexually compatible with him before I make a move" so he tries jerking off to a variety of monster-based scenarios and well. that's the story of how kabru conditions himself to be into furry porn. bonus points if he also accidentally works through some of his monster-related trauma in the process
#helloooo world my brain woke me up too early on a sunday so it's no thoughts only cursed labru up in here#who else up rotating they blorbos#dungeon meshi tag#also i cannot emphasize enough that kabru has in this scenario still done absolutely zero things to let laios know he likes him#like laios is oblivious but this one's not totally on him#kabru has planned for every aspect of the relationship except for the part where he communicates literally any feeling. love that for him
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Waking up for seemingly no reason only for an earthquake to hit a few secons later at this point is like. Disappointed but not surprised
#it was a small one no worries the house just creaked and shook#but like. still enough for adrenaline to flood my bloodstream and ensure i cant sleep anymore!!!!#and WHY do they only happen in the early hours of the morning. WHY. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT. WHAT KIND OF A COUNTDOWN IS THERE.#DOES THE EARTH'S CRUST KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS???? LIKE?????#and i REMEMBER earthquakes like this before and they NEVER woke me up#before the big ones in 2020 reset my entire system i guess. i am like an animal now except worse bc i dont feel it all the way#eernatalk
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as a kid i never really Got the hints of mettatons whole "human killer robot" shtick being completely made up and its also embarrassing that it took me THIS long to finally play undertale myself. but every scene with mettaton and alphys is genuinely so entertaining!! those guys are literally just acting and alphys forgets and stutters her lines
#woke up way too early and started thinking about undertale.... hmmmm#ik he outright says its all fake but he still attacked you for the final time#and i guess 10 year old me didnt get it i guess#srry the entirety of ut is very fresh in my mind rn
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me running off of five hours of sleep this morning
#i couldn’t fall asleep#and then i woke up at the ass crack of dawn bc my window is open and my neighbor was talking#he wasn’t even talking loudly but apparently it woke me up anyway#plus im congested and still have a nasty sore throat so i can’t even go back to sleep bc it’s keeping me up#guess we’re starting the day early for no reason
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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I am in the airport heading back from vacation why do I see notifs for comments asking me to DM them
#from daydreams to text#it's on my post about my TFP fic to like ?????#what about me watching Transformers Prime again and writing fanfic is getting DM requests#also like. weird. Because mine aren't like... closed?#I think they're bots but it's still strange#anyway in the fic Megs just woke up and Starscream is losing his mind#Bronwen is getting the princess treatment from Megs by being allowed to sit on his shoulder#the chapter also had flashbacks of off-screen relationship context for them so it made a bit more sense#since early fic there wasn't MUCH but it was IMPLIED that they spent time together#the previous one had a bit too#but this expanded on some basic levels of their comfort with each other#like Bronwen asking Megatron what lipstick to wear#or his opinion on her dress; or telling him what game she's playing#basic things essentially#also Starscream went kinda petty ego during his monologue earlier#like ''Once YOU'RE out of the way the little prophet is MINE and YOU CAN'T HAVE HER NYEH''#dressed up as ''she is my subordinate who can see the future'' but really it's ''I like her >:| you can't have bleh''#it's very funny to see his ego clash with his feelings#the ego of basically putting a mark on the girl with future vision. the feelings of actually loving her as a person#and the clash of ''I literally cannot let anyone- not even me- know I love this human so I'm gonna tell myself it's all a power trip''#he has the Autobots fooled. Knockout is not. Nor is Megs#it's so much XD in a fun way!#I've gotten a lot done on the plane so far#gonna see if I can wrap up a chapter now while waiting#the wait is longer than the flight so;;; wish me luck
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i gotta head to work soon but i need to shake the cobwebs off ( heh ) so !! tossing out an inbox call !!
#﹙🥀 — ooc.﹚#( i woke up way too early today so rip me if my dash is still asleep when i post this )#( JHBSDJF )#( ill bump it later- )#( I PROMMY I WILL DO THIS )#( IF I DONT U HAVE FREE REIGN TO COME IN MY IMS AND KICK MY ASS- )
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i just woke up n i feel so bad both mentally and physically i dont know whats going on
#this is the worst ive felt in so long#my anxiety is at a an all time high it is fully governing my brain rn all i can think about is everything i did wrong socially yesterday#i feel nauseous in my body n my head#just ag.u..... i want it to end i want it gone#it feels like my heart is attacking me frm inside#im also still sososo tired i dont know why i woke up so early it's only 3am#im gonna try n smoke myself into falling back to sleep i guess o(-<#i just want 2 cry everything hurts#i also woke up w bad acid reflux i think because i forgot to eat yesterday except for a cherry coke#i miss when i used to be able to do that regularly#i miss when my body allowed me 2 treat it like shit#i cant even drink water it hurts so bad o(-<
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🍰🥛
#i've been so good not complaining about this... so im gonna do it now :3#early this week during my walk... a point in my shoulder / collarbone / neck started hurting so bad#it was at that level where your saliva production increases and you start feelings slightly nauseous#idk if it was bc it was so painful OR if the pain is at a point that puts pressure on certain nerves#and during the week i've felt it on and off but at a much lowe intensity#but this morning i woke up at 6am and couldnt fall asleep bc it hurt too much 🥴#i've googled sm but i just cant figure out at all what it could be... this doesnt fit any description#it isnt focused in my shoulder joint bc i can move my arm in all directions and degrees and it doesnt make it worse#anyway i read and read but i cant figure out at all what it is and that annoys me bc now idk what to do T-T#it could maybeeeee be that im so fkn tense and always have muscle tension in my neck throat and shoulders#it is possible that it now hit a specific pressure point and now i have a pinched nerve type of situation where my muscles are tensed up#or it is bc i could have done certain exercises wrong at the gym#im always so anxious and cautious abt exercising wrong but i still cant ever be sure if i do it correctly :(((#i might have used one of the machines for shoulders/biceps/back incorrectly#like maybe the seat has been too high or low :/// and now i've strained smth???#it made me so sad tho bc when i was at the gym this week i skipped all upperbody exercises bc im too scared 😔#i want it to pass bc like it actually hurts in such a weird and uncomfortable way like it makes me wanna puke and it comes in waves#but nothing makes it better like not heat not painkillers not stretches ... so im just not doing too much#and hope it will go away :'))) but also now im scared of exercising bc what if im doing it wrong and damage my body?!? 😭#i hate my body bc i have so many random unexplainable pains and it is so annoying >.<#ok now i've complained so i feel better ^-^
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