#and it means i cant really think of much else. and i fucked up aGAIN at work today. and my manager is getting fucking tired of it
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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the biggest thing about X6 is not that he doesn't think of himself as human (though he doesn't, and according to some it's correct) BUT that he doesn't see himself as a Person
#searching through the X6-88 tag on tumblr has not brought me joy#also. 1 thing about is that i hate hate hate the (i think) canon blue eyes he has. like. for fucking what#1st i saw them on tumblr and thought 'well thats stupid. whyd you give him blue eyes? so hed look special? thats weird. at least its uncanon#also. on god. i saw some post headcanoning the companions' appearances and it was p cool UNTIL they got to x6#and they gave him grey 'almost white' eyes for literally no reason. like if you want to go with the scary factor theres so many ways for it#but no. some people think that blue/grey eyes are sooo special. and for what#<- i have brown eyes but im not just being salty. it really sucks. i dont wanna be the one to call fandom racism but it does smell like it!#also like. i didnt want to go on a stupid tirade about racism in the tags again but the way fandom treats x6 AND preston is just upsetting#other people have made some very good points about it and im not going to repeat them here (also noones gonna read this)#but like... theres 3 'main' black characters that i remember: preston garvey (whom the stron majority of the fandom hates/disliked)#x6-88 (basically the players slave? also hated for being mean and unfeeling (which is justified imo). no quest no freedom no nothing)#and gloria (who i havent met in game but ive heard some actual criticisms of (like. the way shes treated ingame) and noone else talks about)#if theres any other Named and Important characters. sorry but i literally do not remember them#coming back to x6 being justified in being unemotional/mean. he was literally raised this way. he doesnt consider himself to be a person#being he was made that way. he is a Thing and hes meant for one job and hes made to inspire fear#and hes not supposed to have emotions so he just. doesnt. if he does he cant express them anyways#1 if fallout4 was a better written game (or 2 if x6 was white) i think thered be SO much fanfiction about him. the possibilities are endless#i have something brewing in the back of my head. i might start writing even though i suck and its going to be bad#ANYWAYS. general fandom thought on x6 are WRONG and im being a HATER. fuck everyone who doesn't like x6. if you dont like x6 get off tumblr#especially if you like gage but not x6. leave fr#i just woke up wtf am i doingggg
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creating a spreadsheet of the trio's lines in the webnovel vs webcomic (as one does), and. i am on the FLOOR their characterisation differs so much from the webnovel and webcomic?!?!??? 😭😭 they took away all of hestio's flavour!!! and Ephael is a lot more stereotypical sunshine too i am losing my mind
Gone:
In the toy mansion, Ephael said that Tesilid was not just his friend, but his "best friend", so Ailette gave him more food. Hestio got very visibly sad and angry.
Whenever they're in battle, Hestio kind of talks to Ephael like he's a P*kemon ("Ephael, go and bite them!" / "Uh... okay.")
Ephael is pretty quiet and subdued throughout the toy mansion, while in the comic he's very artificially cheery.
ALMOST THE ENTIRETY OF HESTIO'S LINES WHEN THEY SNUCK TESILID FOOD IN PRISON IS GONE?!?!?!?? 😭😭😭😭😭😭 THE VIBES ARE SO DIFFERENT
Webnovel has BOTH Hestio and Ephael handing over food (in the webcomic only Ephael brought food. I dunno what Hestio was doing there.)
ONLY the webnovel has Hestio's extremely cute "What? Are you going to refuse the food because the rules are important? (annoyed but also genuinely scared)" / ".....I thought I'd have to shove the food down your mouth if you refused. Well, eat up."
The webcomic has Hestio suddenly ruin the entire mood by saying "🙄😒 did you know 🤓 the vatican is taking things out on you bc you refuse to kill heretics. also idc if the heretics are actually evil or not, what matters is that the vatican wants to know if youre on their side." like stfu please 😭 In the webnovel Hestio only brings this up because Ephael went "cheer up! if it werent for the city making a fuss, the vatican wouldn't have done this" and Hestio corrected him bc he wanted Tesilid not to misunderstand his situation with the Vatican.
What did they make comic!Hestio so callous for !!!!! 😭😭😭 Hestio is a SOFTIE with a mean streak and sharp tongue!!!
#a transmigrator's privilege#the perks of being an s class heroine#vatican trio#hestio ligenel#ephael chaletino#CRYING MY EYES OUT#THEIR NOVEL CHARACTERISATION IS SO CUTE THO?!?!??????#spoilers in next tags#on god if they take away hestio shutting up and ephael taking over the convo in the reunion scene i am going to CRY#that scene is so precious to me?!??#novel dynamic of hestio being the one taking the lead and ephael backing him up is so precious to me#anyway if anyone wants access to the spreadsheet lmk.... sobbing#anw i started this mini project bc ora you said that you couldnt tell who was talking in mirror dungeon (so valid)#and i was like oh the more casual one is eph-- ....is it actually? where did i get this impression#im done w the tutorial arc but its alr making me MISERABLE wym their characterisation changes so much 😭😭😭😭#anw in their childhood they both talk in v similar ways#as adults one of them is casual and the other uses more formal speech patterns#also if any one is cussing either ephael or tesilid out its almost definitely hestio. lol.#by the process of elimination (no one else in the party would be so rude to ephael)#and ephael is generally more chill about tesilid#u cant really tell while reading but ephael very rarely says bad things about tesilid#its usually hestio that's mean about it and hes so loud + ephael doesnt disagree with him so its v easy to attribute it to him too#i mean ephael prob also shares the same thoughts. but its usually hestio voicing it and w that much negativity#ephaels just like lol our boy tesilid is up to his usual hijinks again. haha#while hestio is like UGH this ASSHOLE can you fucking BELIEVE HIM. just LOOK at him what does he think he's doing#ephael (neutral): oh tesilid not again#hestio (screaming and full of hate): tesilid not again!!
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sigh
#eli.txt#dont mind me im just. overwhelmed about school again. as usual#being stupid. for lack of a better word. is not. fun. being dumb is not fun.#no one in my life is as dumb as i am. everyone can pass a test if they study. everyone can memorize the info they need. i cant.#i try. i try and i try and i try and i am still too fucking dumb to do anything right.#and what happens. what happens when you keep trying and you keep failing and no one understands you because youre way too dumb.#you give up. you stop trying. and thats exactly what i did. im done. i dont care anymore. im about to graduate i dont need to care#but school is a popularity contest. you get better grades the more teachers like you. and they dont like you when you give up.#because they dont believe you when you say youre dumb. they say youre not trying hard enough and if you just do better you can do it!#but you know you cant and when you tell them as much they think you just have low self esteem when youre just stating a fact.#i am too dumb to learn. i havent learned anything in school since sixth grade. i am too dumb. i am at peace with this#im ok with it! really! just let me graduate so i dont have to be dumb anymore!!#because the only reason im dumb is your standards!! i would be smart anywhere else! i AM smart anywhere else!#im just dumb to YOU! im smart anywhere else! but god that intelligence that i DO have means NOTHING and keeps getting repressed#i cannot fucking wait to get out of this school.
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#so thinking abt my inability to do things in thr context of my 0cd is interesting. bc i would say my primary problem is my obsessive#compulsive behavior and inflexibility. idk if thr inflexibility is inherent to me bc its part of the reason i got stamped with aut1sm or but#its part of what maked it so hard to tell if i had 0cd or not. bc im just so fucking rigid and structured abt literally everything without#any reason. y do i have to do X thing and i cant do Y thing? idk my brain just says i cant. which kinda does align with 0cd more or just#like something compulsive. and its sorta weird bc i think im a lot more aligned with purely obsessional 0cd. so i dont do a lot of external#ritual. its more abstract. like constantly i have to work or b perfect or else i start getting intrusive thoughts. always thr same ones. and#to make them go away i have to physically suffer usually thru overworking to my mental breaking point or sometimes more direct ways#when its really bad. and then i have to keep working. and i do a lot of fucking ruminating. fucking constand catogorizing and pathological#self reflection. again i have high standards and high affinity for self punishment which is a lot to deal with. its exhausting and misery#making. and the annoying thing is that im like this for a reason. i mean it makes sense. having a learning disability plus bad short term#working memory plus some mood weirdness. ive created a structure that makes me productive but also creates so much pressure thst i cant#function at all sometimes. and whats worse is that even then even with the amount of checking i do i am still a master of fucking up the lil#things. i forgot to write my name in the autoclave list and caused problems for ppl bc i forgot when i went up there Even tho i new i needed#to. i also forgot to put thr foam cap on a liquid nitrogen tank which would have been SO FUCKING BAD if it all evaporated. so many samples#woulf have been lost bc i just fucking forgot to put it back. that was just this week. idk i just forget things like that. i left a freezer#door open in hs and we lost everything in the freezer. i also fucked up an whole experiment by not reading a schedule right. and its really#frustrating not being able to trust that youve done the right thing in the past. not to mention all the bullshit i mislabel but thats more#dys1exia realated. alas. i check and check and get anxious spikes of: FUCK DID I DO X? for a reason. but also its no fun#unrelated
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i found two old zines i was a part of while looking for something and MAN i miss doing zine work..
#snap chats#ive actually worked onnnnnn four ? five technically OH NO SIX#but i only have physical copies of two: i couldnt afford physicals of the other three at the time#aaaand the last zine uhhh i havent really heard much from for some time now in terms of putting everything together#i cant remember if there was a deadline set but ive just been holding onto my finished drawing for a while#i think it was only meant to be a digital one tho but regardless#in any case... i miss zines--#THEY NEVER WENT ANYWHERE I JUST. havent really seen any advertised. and im too fucked to find any apparently ☠️#there was that kazumaj| zine and i ALMOST tried to join it just to get my foot in the door with the rgg community#but then i realized whatever i drew probably wouldnt have as much passion behind it compared to someone else yk what i mean#like i love kiryu and i really loved majima in y0 but im p indifferent bout them together so i didnt want to risk getting a spot#i wish there was a mineda| zine or somethin i feel like thatd be one id like to be a part of#i could always start one but ive never organized a zine and i wouldnt know the first thing about it#i woludnt want to mess up and cause a big ol mess#idk.. maybe i just really want to make that doujin i keep dreaming about LMAO i wanna hold my art in book form again#maybe one day.. for now back to work Bye
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#delete later#the issue with having no emotional object permanence is that every bad situation is the worst thing ive ever experienced#my grandad died five years ago so i know ive felt grief before as an adult. but the emotions i felt have no permanence so#i have no concept of how it felt. so knowing that my aunt is going to die soon feels like the most painful thing I've ever felt#and it means i cant really think of much else. and i fucked up aGAIN at work today. and my manager is getting fucking tired of it#but like im really trying. like i checked those things. i just didnt see them. its frustrating. im not processing anything correctly#and my grandma losing her younger brother. and watching my mum and aunt losing their sister. is making me ao so so scared#of losing mine. I've never processed how close it was. abd now i feel like im just re experiencing it at random times. abd that's#terrifying. i don't know what id do. and now im crying again. fuck man. i swing wildly between being so scared abd upset at#losing my aunt and what it means for everyone i love. and being super matter of fact aboit it. bc ive had harm ocd since i was#a kid. ive been thinking about the ways i and everyone could die and coping with it by being matter of fact that everyone dies#and its as natural as being alive. turns out both things exist in me and idk how to do anything with them#but anyway. tomorrow morning i will go outside. i will look in charity shops for home things. i will maybe buy ingredients for cake#and i will continue on. i want to make apple cake. and chocolate cake. and i will deal with the eggs as i must
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I really hate feeling irrational and upset over food. One of the worst things to be upset about. It feels SO fucking stupid.
#txt#texas roadhouse fucked up my food apparently so I get fries and bread. and it's my fault bc i wasn't there to order it myself#(she didn't really word it that way but that's how it felt. like she was saying it's my fault. but im on new meds so i was literally asleep#+the entire time they would've been eating pretty much; i cant control when the side effects decide they want to kick in?)#anyway it's not exclusively this that I'm upset about anyway. like at least i still get a little somethin else yk?#but the other day my roommate came back with his fucking boyfriend from olive garden (genuinely one of my favorite places ngl) and they're+#+like ''oh we didn't know what to get you so we just got you breadsticks'' like. what the fuck. i mean i do like breadsticks but are you +#+fucking with me right now? if money is a problem just say you couldn't afford anything extra. Don't fucking pull that shit#we literally live in the era of smart phones. you can fucking text me. and one of the things i really fucking enjoy at olive garden? +#+LITERALLY JUST THE FUCKING SALAD. THE HOUSE SALAD. THAT THEY GIVE YOU. I am that easy to appease and you bring me. bread.#i love bread. but do you think this is all i subsist on??? it's genuinely so insulting and hurtful and I feel so fucking stupid for feeling#+that way#LITERALLY as i was typing this my sister text me again to be like ''sorry that came off wrong'' this does lick the wound#update we are now sitting here going back and forth trying to figure out how they even got it wrong to begin with 😭 im gonna be real with+#+you I'd bet actual money it was on purpose so they could push the order out quicker. bc what i wanted was their tatter skins and those +#+take more effort and time I'd wager. she said they were busy so I wouldn't be surprised
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like i really dont think ya understand the severity of the abuse- even aside from the sexual abuse-
i have bpd and come from a home where im not validated very well (obviously, bc thats what makes ppl bpd in the first place). i meet this person who validates me in every way i could possibly imagine or want (love bombing). they pretend to like me so much that they start to become like me and pick up traits of mine they like the most. they know they have a hold over me and power over me bc i didnt know how to validate myself and they were the only source of validation i had. so then they go ahead and start invalidating me and acting like im less of me and theyre somehow more of me. i knew who i was deep down but suddenly i felt unseen again and silenced and pushed into a corner. and then they act like im a horrible person (discarding phase) and serve me an entirely different version of me thats not who i am, but bc i didnt know how to validate myself and was reliant on them (something thats particularly important for this type of abuse to work), it made me question myself and who i was and what i was like and what my intentions were and what my actions were and if i could even trust my own reality all over again when i really didn’t fucking need to since i knew who i was deep down, but they somehow convinced me they knew me better. because i was reliant on them. i dont think you understand how much that fucks with you.
#vent#this is why i kind of find it hard not to cling to the term 'narcissistic abuse' since this is verbatim what happens in that type of abuse.#based on everything ive read.#again. i dont personally think it necessarily has anything to do w ppl with npd. narcissism as a term existed before the diagnosis.#it means someone whos selfish and only looks out for themselves and will do anything for themselves even at the expense of others.#and literally EVERYTHING ELSE people online have said about this type of abuse happened.#the smear campaign. the sending people after me to stalk me and get info out of me. the apparently never leaving me alone as evidenced#by that anon recently.#oh and- cant forget accusing me of everything they did but 10x worse somehow.#if a certain type of abuse can be predicted so well and so many people have had the same experience or similar enough experiences#i dont see why it doesnt deserve its own term. we just have to divorce it from the idea of npd. maybe give it a different name.#because its really not *just* emotional abuse. sorry.#its so much more than that and so much more strategic.#and this is why even though i didnt think of them as being exactly like zero before i still thought of them as being vampiric.#bc they tried to drain me of my energy and who i was.#but nowadays i can really see the similarities. if only they were rich and had institutional power and paid politicans to oppress#minorities. then theyd be the same person. but im not gonna sit here and pretend thats the case. they're similar to him in so many ways but#theyre not the same person. im obviously able to fucking recognize that.#in spite of them pretending like i cant.#now if that ends up secretly being the case... well....#might be harder for me to divorce them from being similar lmao.#but so far i dont have enough evidence to confidently say that.
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#diary#personal#im gonna finish eating and go back to lay in my bed all day...#im just sorta. it really really hurts and i honeslty cant handle interacting with others right now.#hell. everything just hurts so much right now.#like. i tried to force myself to do something and just. i end up getting instantaneous backlash.#im really tired. and id just like to exist calmly.#so imma go back to bed after eating and using the washroom and do nothing else at all today.#i honeslty dont think i can today. like. i obviously can. but at what cost?#im beyond burnt out. still recovering from a meltdown/shutdown/breakdown/whatever. and im sore and in pain#im really tired of living like this. and id rather stay in bed. and actually feel okay there instead.#here? its just painful. i barely got out of bed to eat and now i just regret it.#i wouldve not eaten. i would've liked to have not eaten. but i barely convinced myself to get outta bed.#but then the thing i was gonna gave we were out of. and then i got stressed while making porridge#and while i barely finished everything hurts beyond all else.#i just. im used to this. its fine. but i still hate it.#i dont mind taking care of myself. really. i just wish i had enough space to do so without being set back again and again#im so fucking tired. and i dont think anyone ever really understands what that means?#not to me at least. they seem to think itll be fine#but its not. its really not. i have to keep supressing the urge to just quit my job and actually just be okay.#but i have to press on. i have to work. i dont know why. but its not like i have much of a choice?#i dont know why im bothering. i dont know.#im really tired. and theres no break that could ever realy fix this. im sorta just fucked arent i?#haaah. what i wouldnt give to live differently. what i wouldnt give to just live elsewhere.
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Think it must've been a few triggers in combination but while the hangover's mostly passed I can't stop thinking about it
Kind of a trauma dump in tags cause I can't stop remembering even though it was months ago n just internal anyway. The body was always fine. That's the one line he still hasn't crossed though I know now he might if I break the rule again.
#feels like a lifetime ago but also just yesterday#i can't even remember how long it's really been. how long have we lived like this? knowing we'll never be free of him completely?#i guess that means honey's around. i think it's mostly his memories#lie still like you're told to you don't wanna make it worse. too scared to move anyway. the gun to my head the knife the water#not lettin me space out for any of it cause i need to remember i need to learn my lesson need to know my place#never seen him that angry before or since here#i mean i get it i'd been out of control for some weeks n then broke one of the big rules ofc he'd lose his cool but.#i woulda learned with less. didn't need to make me think he's gonna kill me#or maybe he did. it doesn't take that long for us to come back n i know i blacked out at some point. maybe i did die#i just remember feelin somethin break in my head n the next day honey was there n i couldn't feel anything anymore#i think i. still don't feel things quite right. i can't remember if that's when we stopped bein able to cry sober#cause doll used to all the time n sometimes i did too but not anymore#maybe i just cried all the tears i had left in me that night. now there's just a hollow space left there instead#i just. wanna stop remembering. usually he'd be done pretty soon after he can tell i've given up. but this time he just wouldn't stop#i was pleadin for my fucking life a few minutes in but he wouldn't stop it just went on n on n i couldn't even escape inside my head#how do i stop thinkin about it. i know he can't do it again cause there's people that can intervene now. doesn't stop me from bein afraid#i guess that's why i always get so. compliant around him now. i guess he got what he wanted#reality doesn't matter much when he carved it in me there's no escape there's no fightin it n i can't remember anythin else#he'll be done when he's done n til then all i can do is take it n try not to make it worse. always forget he cant hurt me like that anymore#can't even remember to question anythin he says. anythin he tells me to think.#spdrvent
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𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑟'𝑠 𝑏𝑎𝑏𝑦 𝅄ֹ ׅ♡ ೀ ʚĭɞ ིᨴּ ˒˒۪
(Crazy) Yandere [Nerd] Boy x Soft!Chubby!Fem!Reader ༢𓏲๋ ⊹ ֢
𔓘 Tw : Kidnapping, Extreme Noncon (y'all are strangers bro), Rushed Fanfic, Mentions Of Blood, Virginity-Take, Extreme Somnophilia, Stalking, Extreme Obsession, Impregnate, A little of Bondage, Seriously dude you're fucking with a crazy nerd boy who is a freaking stranger to you like y'all didnt know each other but this madman is really know you to the soul from all his stalking and stuff. this fanfic is quite the Dead Dove Do Not Eat. Chubby reader fics with no skintone of reader mentioned.
𔓘 A/N : y'all.. this are f***king insane bro.. like this is kinda disturbing imo as a writer of this and also a lot of suffocating. Read at your own risk. me myself actually like the extreme yandere fics but this is still the prefix of it. stay safe while reading this because again; y'all are a stranger!! if a dark content yandere isnt your cup of tea then i highly recommend you to spend your shit at other blogs!! ty.
W/C : 6,4K for Stranger Fucking 💀
Currently thinking abt nerdy men who looks like they would shit in their pants when someone raised their voice at them, but the truth is; he's really really quite the strong. he's a nerdy man who arent shy at all (or maybe just a little) and he's simply just dont like to be bothered by anyone else. he's also a nerdy man who told himself countless time to just focus on studying and studying, and at the first moment; he actually manage to do it within his daily life, well until he met you.
You; plump, soft looking girl with chubby cheeks and doe eyes. you dont even know how much you affect him didnt you? arent you just dumb? walking there and then with such a tiny skirt that almost showed up your plump ass cheeks. walking down in the hallway with such dress that hugged all of your curves together perfectly. oh if only you find out how every night he would spend his time in his bedroom alone while his hand thrust his own cock up and down, thinking about you. he would be drown in his thoughts about how you would find out all his dark fantasy about you. but.. he do realize he shouldnt be doing this actually, no really, he should just be studying, but the soft laugh and those.. those whimpers terror you gave him just drove him to his edge.
And the fact that he masturbate about you when you both are clearly still stranger - is fucking crazy. he mostly had heard of how'd you talk, whimper and moan (wait.. how did.. he know?) and stuff like that while your own self being completely un guard around him. he swear to his thumbs he hated you for making him felt like this, i mean how could you?? a plump girl just trying to get into her daily life as normal as usual can make some nerd dude mad in love with her without her being aware at all?! he cant do this.. he cant do this anymore..!
And he really cant do it anymore. as he go to your apartement at midnight after finding out where you live. peeking through the window to what you were doing only to find you dressing in a short pastel rainbow dress lingerie with big bows placed in the back of your hair, dancing to some songs.. and oh my god he cant even explain how much he want to ripped those colorful dress lingerie off your body. he has no doubt at all that you have the most beautiful body he would ever sees in his entire life.
As he drown himself in his own thoughts until he heard a telephone ring -- it was your friend! your male friend! as you picked the phone up, talking with your friends, while he sees with his own eyes about the way you laugh softly at what-god-knows your friend was muttering to you. he doesnt and he would rather bury himself alive than admitting about the fact that he was really, really, envy and jealous. as he harshly breath at you, while all his body is literally focus with you. his eyes seeing you from head-to-toe, his ears listening carefully about the conversation you're having as his mouth try to resist to open it again because well um -- he is quite the drooling over there. that was it until you start to walk towards the front door where he was outside!!
As he sees you carefully, while hiding himself in the corner, and focused on the door handle you're about to open. until........
Until he quickly enough to put his arms and placed it onto your mouth, shuting you up until you passed out and bring you to your new home his home. as he open the bondage he placed at your mouth, and pinch your chubby cheeks until he sees your whimpering again. thats it! thats the thing that always drove him mad everydsy everynight. thinking about you whimper at whatever he was doing was like a holy candle for him. he then stood himself up, looking at your half unconscious body, and then start to strip you... to naked.
As he softly ripped all the dress lingerie you weared, and after he got the look at your boobs, he slowly put his hands up at where your nipples on, and start playing with it. while his eyes focused on your face, waiting the reaction he have been wait. and until then... you are moaning. honestly he have been thinking that he was in a dream that time. i mean -- he do have seen you moan by the way he always check on you secretly.. but he never except his own self to be the only one who could capable enough to hear your soft moan. as he sped up the phase of his hands playing your nipple, while his own other hand strat to undress himself.
And until he and your own finally completely naked. and... oh god to be damned. he swear he always sees you at some kind of whore while your other friend sees you just as an innocent normal girl, and he always have no doubt about his feelings That you have such an erotic body and at the end.. he was actually right. you do have a very very.. pleaseable body. as he placed his hands into your half unconscious body, lowering it until his hands touch your private part -- your pussy. he slowly but surely put his 3 long fingers in to play with you, and to be surprised or.. shocked even, that you are so so fucking damn tight! he even sure that your pussy is one of the most tightest thing he'd ever placed his hands on, as he quickly sped-ing up his pace at playing your pussy, watching you moan and whimper become one, he cant believe what he saw. you're literally still half unconscious! but yet you somehow still manage to bring out the sound he would die for with! at this rate he doesnt know if he wants to wake you up or just let you still be half unconscious so when you wake up, you're gonna have a some extra surprised with your naked body that has been covered with his cums. as he thinking about it while he placed his (quite big) cock at your pussy. trying to rip those tight wall of your pussy off. thats what he was trying to do until your pussy start showing a little drop of blood out of it.
Oh.. he get it.. yeah he actually get it. You're a Virgin arent you? oh.. such sweet cheeks.. well too bad yoi're going to give all of your innocents left as his own hands and dicks. the body of someone you dont even know at all. he actually felt (just a little) bit of guilt. but who cares anyway? you're literally still half unconscious! as he said it to himself while he tried his possible to pound your ass up at your fat pussy. going in and up in every corner. at first it was slowly, but then he start to change the position into a mating press just so the cums and the blood are still there. as he quickly but surely speeding his pace up like a mad man. at this rate he was at the edge of doesnt gave a fuck about the fact that you're still half unconscious but then he's also at the edge of shock and unbelief because of how you are still not waking up at his pounding.
And all of those pounding ends when his cock start to dried out with how your fat pussy suck all his cums and sperma in. pulling his cock out of your pussy only to see the view of the inside of your pussy, being drown with his cums. as his hands hold your body up just so all the cums he had restored isnt goung to spill. and until then he slowly put his hands down, letting your body down into the mating press position, watching your pussy spilling all of his cums like a fucking waterfall. (his cum waterfall) and then he placed his palm hands at your cheeks softly, while quietly muttering about how he would take care of you, and keeping you safe and that you wouldnt need to be scared of him (even after all his done to you) as he placed his other hand at your undressed belly, and then stroke it with such gentleness because he knew that right now, right at the almost-morning time, that you're going to be swellen with thousands - thousands of his sperm, and at the end of the month, he would see you placed your own hands at your bellies who at that time was full with his kid. oh how he cant wait... he just hope that you wouldnt be freaked out about the fact that you just found yourself in a unrecognizeable place with a literal fucking stranger who is now has placed a baby inside of you. yes, a baby -- his baby.
TSUKISHIMA KEI, ITOSHI RIN, MEGUMI, Itachi, Shikamaru, Nanami, Neji, Tobirama, Deku, KUNIMI, Muichiro, SEMI EITA, Konoha Akinori, Venti, XIAO, AL-HAITAM, Akaashi, KOZUME KENMA, & hatake kakashi.
did i forgeting anyone? insert ur fav!
Dolliestfairy's © Works. Do Not Repost My Creation at Any Platfroms Without My Permission.
#chubby reader#plus size reader#anime x chubby reader#haikyuu dark content#haikyuu x chubby reader#jujutsu kaisen x chubby reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#naruto smut#naruto x reader#itachi x reader#itachi smut#tw.dark content#tw.yandere#tw.pregnancy#tw.virginity#tsukishima x reader#tsukishima kei x chubby reader#tsukishima kei smut#rin itoshi x reader#yandere blue lock#blue lock x chubby reader#genshin impact smut#yandere genshin#genshin x reader#genshin smut#kakashi x reader#kakashi smut#kenma smut#kenma x reader#al haitam x reader
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mini meta because i cant get this fucking scene out of my brain:
its one of my fav Alluka scenes because its a sneak peek into her frankly miraculous emotional intelligence that simultaneously contextualizes it. She's still a little kid. Alluka is a smart cookie who can properly recognize and identify what people are feeling, can generally guess why they're feeling it, and get an idea of what would make them happy. But that "feeling" is hate for her, and what would make them happy is her disappearing. Really heartbreaking.
but the way Killua responds is also pretty fascinating to me? like, he pivots so fucking hard LOL. And I get it, it's such a loaded question. Would the Zoldycks be happier if Alluka was gone? Realistically, the answer is no... but admitting that would require a self-awareness about his family and his abuse Killua doesn't have yet. He probably doesn't even know how to answer, doesn't know what the answer even is.
So instead of digging into that can of worms, Killua cocks his own shotgun and fires back another loaded question: "If I were the only one who loved you in the whole world... would that make you sad?"
There were like a dozen other, much safer ways to both avoid this question and comfort Alluka. It's not even a full dodge, it's directly related to Alluka's fear via implication (the rest of the family doesn't love you). And it's not like Killua hasn't verbally weaseled his way out of tougher conversations. So... why?
I'm gonna try to truncate my full thoughts because I literally have a WIP 5k+ meta about it and I don't want to go down that rabbit hole, but Killua projects onto Alluka and Nanika a lot in this arc. Keeping that in mind, I think this question is his best, most earnest way of comforting Alluka because this train of thought is what's comforted him in the past.
I mean, think about it. Someone who will love and accept you no matter who you are or what you've done? Just one person who doesn't care? He's putting himself in the position of Alluka's Gon-figure here. And if you buy into that, the followup—"I'll always be there for you. Don't worry about anyone else"—reveals how a portion of his subconscious saw his emotionally dependent relationship with Gon as well; that is, as a comforting means to psychologically avoid confronting harder questions about himself, his upbringing, or how other people view him. It's kind of no coincidence that the minute Gon is wholly and totally incapacitated and Killua starts mucking around with the revolutionary idea of boundaries, he immediately starts thinking about his family again (in some manner).
And as an indulgent aside, I want to point out that when he ends up sending Nanika—who is, unlike Alluka, a subject of Killua's darker and more self-hating projections—away and Alluka fights back instead of internalizing it, Killua immediately recognizes the irrationality...
...because it breaks the mirror.
anyway. squeezes and shakes them like squeaky toys
#heliichats#hxh#im obbsessseddd with the way killua sees nanika (extremely lethal and dehumanized dark entity being) and goes#ohhh. so just like me :3 (unintentionally derogatory). and he doesnt even realize it lmfao#hunter x hunter#killua zoldyck#alluka zoldyck
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˖ ݁ ✶ ⁾ . 𝓐TTENTION WHORE ! ✶ logan howlett
TW : cursing, smut, fem!reader, not proof read, slapping, dubcon, thigh riding, orgasm denial, logan is mean in this ✦: i can match his freak
logan rarely has the energy for your bullshit. he knows you enjoy pissing him off, flirting with other men in front of him, just so he can fuck you stupid later. bullies his cock into you while forcing your head down into the pillows by your hair, slapping your ass till he's sure there's a mark. you'll choke out sobs as he abuses your cervix, a constant push and pull as he slams into you just to pull out and slam into you again. he won't relent until you're all stuffed and leaking with his cum-until he's sure he's fucked the thought of anyone else out of your silly little head and you're all pliant and docile in his arms.
then theres the odd day when he'll just ignore you. lets you have your fun-lets you think you've won with that cheeky twinkle in your eye, until he's carried you home. and you're fine-fucking superb when he sits on the sofa, beer in hand and his eyes focus on the tv and stay there even when you sit on his thigh with petulant eyes-practically begging him to give you something.
he doesnt.
you know he has to be playing with you. that its his fucked up revenge ploy which you swear you wont be joining in. so you suck it up, and keep your mouth shut, even if you're aching for him to even blink at you twice.
you keep your eyes on him as you do it-push yourself against his thigh in nothing less of a pathetic attempt to get him to look at you again. he lets you, though, which you take as some tiny reprieve
(silly, silly girl)
and rut against him faster, harder as you huff out low whimpers and gasps that fall on deaf ears. tears brim in your eyes, falling down your cheeks because pride be damned, you enjoy it. some sick fucked up little part of you craves it-wants him to treat you like you're just some needy slut for him.
and he knows it. knows you cant cum without him, that he's just edging you now, to the point where it fucking hurts.
"l-logan-" you stutter out the words, not even caring how pitiful you sound, needing something to satiate the burn that makes your thighs shake. "'m sorry, swear-"
he clicks his tongue, something of a smile on his lips as he wraps his hands around your waist, bringing you down on him. its embarrassing, borderline concerning really, how much the little movement has you trembling but you doubt you care. it clicks in to that perfect little spot in your head when he moves you against him, giving you adrenaline that makes your head practically spin as you fall against his shoulder.
"pathetic" he mutters as he slaps you lightly on the ass, causing you to squirm in his grasp. “want my attention that bad?”
it’s not a question, thankfully-because you doubt you’d be able to answer with how fuzzy you feel. lips parting open as the knot strings tighter-
you babble mindlessly-tells him how you love him so much-that he’s right-that you do need his attention. that you’re sorry-that you’ll be so fucking good.
which he knows is a lie but he’ll let it go for now
it creeps up on you, let’s ecstasy seep into your veins as you breath stutters, let’s you see fucking stars as he bounces his thigh under you. something of a strangled gasp leaves you when it’s over-when he takes you off of him and kisses your forehead, making you fall asleep with some dazed look in your eyes.
he thinks you really are perfect for him-some pretty little thing so desperate that he thinks you’re almost cute.
( he fucks you again later. assaults your poor cunt over and over until he cums in you. watches as you try and keep it all in-trying to keep your promise. perfect)
#wolverine x reader#wolverine smut#deadpool and wolverine#logan howlett smut#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett#wolverine x you#zee writes ౨ৎ#♡ LOGAN HOWLETT !
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need | h.s oneshot
summary: the two elite enemies of St Jacklyn college finally cave against the mass amounts of sexual tension they’ve shared… at a campus sleepover of all things.
warnings: SMUT, hot and heavy, enemies with impulsive benefits, dirty talk, fingering (fem rec), piv sex, classic supply closet sex!!
a/n: after being gone for a little while (basically M.I.A let’s be fr) I wanted to post a little smutshot🤍
———
At college, things happen, and they happen fast.
One minute you’ll be doing homework, and the next you’ll be at a party after a spontaneous invite.
Or you’ll plan for a night with friends but find yourself hooking up with a campus stranger.
It’s the way of life, you’re either going from one extreme to the other, or you’re not really in college.
And that’s exactly what’s currently about to happen to you again. It’s about to be zero to a hundred with you and one of the worst people to walk St Jacklyn halls.
It had started out as you both being out on a walk for fresh air, somehow at the same time. Which turned into a run in as it always does with the two of you— Harry Styles, the colleges token ‘golden’ boy immediately tutting out, “well well, look who else has snuck out for a walk around the halls.”
“How unfortunate our walks have coincided.” You had drawled at him, shaking your head as your feet clacked against the smooth stone flooring.
He had morphed a solo stroll into a joint one, because now he trailed by your side as you wandered the schools dim corridors, “don’t sound so upset, I know y’truly excited by the prospect.”
“Harry, can you fuck off?” Originally, this walk was purposed to clear your muddled head.
One of your ex-friends, Belle, had come up to you in the library— which was turned into a sleeping quarters— with a snide expression written all over her face. She was imploring that in around 2 hours, you check the St Jacklyn gossip page.
It sounds fickle, because it is fickle. The site is dedicated to the drama that goes on at the huge school. And you had been on the front page more than you would’ve liked lately, especially after your fall out with Belle.
“Why would I want to do that…? Plus, I’ve heard word that a story is bubbling about you.” He supplies, and your gaze slants over to him.
His long untamed hair is set free over his shoulders, and his green eyes were already trained on yours.
A sigh breaches through your mouth, the news coming from him is as unfortunate as being murdered before a month long holiday in the tropics. Because if he knows about it, then it just means Belle is telling everyone.
“Do you happen to know what it’s about too?” You ask, half prepared for him to avoid the question.
Which good thing you were expecting it, because that’s just what he did, “She’s being rather venomous. I really didn’t think she’d find footing after what she did to you. Shes much like…” he pauses in thought, brows furrowed as he files through his mind, “like a pest you can’t quite catch.”
“A pest.” You repeat in agreement, the first time you’ve ever sided with him on a statement, despite it being a backhanded dig at the fact you can’t seem to sort it out once and for all.
“Indeed, dove. And from what i know, the news that’s going up is nothing good.” He smirks, hands coming to clasp behind his back.
“Ah, bad news about me on St Jacklyns gossip page. Something you would know nothing about, of course.” You sneer at him, a reminder that you have neither forgiven or forgotten.
“All is fair in love and war, darling.” He justifies with a shrug, “you can’t claim to be a saint either.”
“Never did.” A scoff pasted your lips, “however you cant claim you didn’t start it.”
He overlaps you with his steps, now walking backwards in front of you, his eyes trailing up and down your body, “Just as bitter as ever…”
“Of course I’m bitter.” You spat out, flaring your hands out in quickly bubbling anger.
“You’re acting as if you weren’t the one to tell the blog I was sleeping with Sherman! Which was a fucking lie!”
“And like you didn’t egg my house after it.” He fires back.
“You stole my cat and dyed him green.”
“Well, y’shouldnt let your cat outside.”
“You’re a horrible person.”
“And you know what, Y/N, I think you are too.” He smiles, as though he’s proud of you.
“God.” You frustratedly huff out, stopping all together.
He smirks, coming to a halt as well, “Not my name, but I can appreciate the confusion.”
He steps forward into your space, lips curling upward, something mischievous sparkling in his green gaze.
“You are unbelievable.” You shake your head, face contorting with disgust. Trying to ignore his muscles that are popping as he crosses hims arms over his chest.
“Oh, but I have a feeling you love it.” He coos.
“I hate you, Harry.” You grit out, mimicking his stance— turning the sight of the two of you into the likes of a stand off.
“Mmm, you do?” A low hum comes from his throat, licking his lips as he looks at you.
“Harder than you’d ever be able to fathom.” You almost stutter out, mind fumbling as you’re sure he is mapping out some kind of move he’s about to make on you.
Things around here imitate a game of chess, every play as calculated as the next.
He is smiling at your constant digs of his character. You’re so this, you’re so that, you’d kept saying to him. Finding the most offensive describing words you could.
“So unbelievable that if I kissed you right now, you’d be shocked?”
You scowl at him, “not that I think you’d have the balls, but yes, I likely would be.”
“Is that a challenge?” He further perks up at your quip.
You have doubts he’d ever follow through, because you nod, with a cock of your brow. And oh how you were wrong about that. You should’ve known with the way he was eyeing you off like a meal.
He leans forward into your space, fast like the wind, yet his kiss like a breeze. Quick and gentle, and his point proven with a smug smirk being felt against your mouth hardly a second before he pulls away.
You— however shocked and slightly appalled that the enemies mouth just touched yours— are frozen to the spot.
He soaks in the look of surprise on your features, and a part of him tingles with the thrill of kissing someone who he knows could try and ruin his life. Just as you had countless times before.
An adrenaline rush spiked in him, along with something else, something stronger that he can’t quite put his finger on.
“Want your own challenge?” he suggests, derailing from his original plan. He doesn’t wait for an indication of an answer from yourself.
“You wouldn’t dare admit that you enjoyed that.” He muses.
“I didn’t.” You try to force confidence in your voice, certainty. But you’re only sounding defensive, just like a liar.
His words kick you into gear, and you shove his shoulder with the flat of your hand— yet it hardly budges his firm figure in the dim hallway.
“Should we try again?” The direction of the wind had changed, clearly. His voice a low constant hum, leaning forward again, hands brushing gingerly against your waist.
You swear the warm lights upon the walls flicker as though they were a flame being licked by the shift in the air around you.
“No.” You scoff, hands grabbing his wrists where they hung loosely on your hipbone— you’re tempted by his scent, but cautious of his habitual lying.
A wrong move and he will use it against you.
“And why not?” He says, and you choose your next words carefully.
“Because. You have to admit it first.” You state, deciding not to entirely close off the idea of kissing him again, but atleast removing an aspect of vulnerability from it.
“I’ll show you,” he pulls your body further into his, nose nudging against your own. It pushes your face up so your mouth is more accessible to his.
You’re suddenly flushing at the action, this was too far to prove a point— even for you— you decided.
He feels you squirm, “Do you not want me to kiss you? Or are you just nervous around me.”
“Don’t be conceited…” you scowl against his cheek, “you still repulse me.”
His throat makes a deep sound, and he grazes over your mouth. A tease, he does it again, and again.
The heat of his mouth is brushing yours in a torturous cycle— one that doesn’t seem to be ending on his terms. A soft pass of his lower lip, and you’re eager for more, but he pulls away just a fraction. All you can feel is the hot air passing through his parted lips. He doesn’t give in.
“I wouldn’t make you do something you didn’t want t’do…” His voice is no more than a whisper. It is truth as much as it is a trap. He’s instating that if you make the next move, you want this.
Everything is in the fine print around here.
You can feel him talking almost against your mouth, the small vibration of every syllable that passes through his lips. It’s tempting beyond belief, beginning to forge a sense of desperation in your body that not even you can condone.
His plan is working to a tea. You hate him so much for it.
He brushes his hands over you, heat radiating from his body. But not pushing into your mouth, just lingering.
Not making a move until you cave against him first.
He somehow knows you like the back of his hand, because you couldn’t resist pushing back into his mouth after all that. Despite the alarm bells absolutely blaring in your head, you went against them completely.
Three minutes of teasing was practically all it was, but it was enough to leave the hairs on your body standing up, and your lungs panting for air.
Enemies spend so much time carving stakes to throw at each other, that along the way they find out more about one another than anyone else. Idiosyncrasies that you somehow learn from warfare, has now stemmed into to being used with the art of… romance or whatever you call it.
Probably not romance— actually not at all romance— but whatever this is.
You know it’s true because right now, your hands are itching to pull his hair. You know he’s into it, since a whole post got aired out about it and you tried to use it against him hardly a few months ago.
He only played it off with a smirk, and an offer to see just how riled up it got him.
Just as now he bites at your lip, a thing he worked out of you when you were absolutely trashed at Belle’s end of semester party.
Something he cant lie he’s been craving to do since he found out.
This kiss goes from teasing and something that’s merely testing boundaries to an entirely fueled makeout session.
There was no room for words suddenly, except muttered curses being shared between the two of you.
Both of you are moving in sync, stepping backwards until his hands fumble with the door of a conveniently placed supply closet.
Your mind is whirling as he guides you into the even darker room. Hardly lit, it made everything feel like you were imagining it. Only outlines are visible, thanks to the thin warm rays of light snaking their way through the gap in the door.
Christ, he is tugging you hard against him, and you want it… his hands skating over your hips and dipping teasingly down to your ass are hardly helping your case.
Finally you get something out of your mouth, “fuck— is this still a part of your stupid agenda? Or do you actually want something?
He grabs your wrist, suddenly guiding it down to a place you can feel just how much he wants something.
You bite down hard on your lip to contain the gasp that almost slipped out as you feel the bulge he’s sporting beneath his jeans, “feel that, baby?”
Fuck… this is going to completely fuck you over. You need him? It hits you like a tonne of bricks, and also straight between your own legs.
A whine exits your mouth quicker than you can hold it back, and you wish for an ounce of shame that Harry just heard that. But you can’t seem to find it.
And infact, he revels in the noise, that high pitched sound of need that comes from you. It fuels him, because he wants to hear more of it.
Neither of you are thinking about circumstances right now. All you can feel is the intense sense of desire.
At least for yourself, the idea of finding a way to royally fuck Harry over is on the back burner.
You remind yourself this is just how college is. Things happen, and that’s fine…
Well, thats how you’re justifying right now. Because in reality, you don’t have a lot else to vouch for yourself with.
Overall, you’re stricken of breath from your actions, both figuratively and literally.
The way Harry’s lips are melded to yours, hot and smooth— kissing your mouth with such keen intent, anyone from the outside would think the situation laid on completely different grounds to the reality.
His body is moving insatiably against yours now, like you’re two people who have been longtime acquaintances or friends that have finally managed to make a move.
His hands skate the skin of your back with fervour, as though you both were strangers that really hit it off at an event.
But you still think those circumstances wouldn’t feel nearly as good as this one did. The hatred that flooded you everytime he was around fuelled you all the same.
Your hand is still placed over his bulge, cupping it as you both half devour each other. It’s hot to know you’re currently placed over his most vulnerable spot, and the fact he’s allowing it.
Especially when there’s enough history to warrant a punch to the groin.
It’s a reminder to how horrid an idea this technically is. That you’re fraternising with the worst person you possibly could.
You pant against him, spitting out a much needed reality check, “Fuck— I still hate you.”
He is your enemy. Your adversary. Your opponent. Not friend, only foe. Yet you’ve landed yourself in this supply closet with him. At your college. While half of your grade level is mingling downstairs.
You can’t tell if you regret picking a college that does so many random community activities. Such as a college sleepout, camping on campus as they’d deemed it.
It was set to strengthen connections with peers and mesh with those you haven’t before upon a familiar location.
And oh, are you meshing with someone you don’t usually…
“Hate me, hm?” He hums against the skin of your throat, baring his teeth and grazing them against it. Evoking a shudder from you at the sensation, which zipped down your spine and furthering the pool of warmth that gathered at the peak of your thighs.
Your hands tightened as they clutched his waist, nails scratching against the muscled flesh as you searched for a response.
“You’re an ass, Harry, I cant forget that even with your tongue in my mouth. And…” He licked a stripe up your neck, drawing back to meet your eye level as you spoke. Suddenly words weren’t coming out again.
“And?” He prompts, “Can’t forget tha’ even when im making you feel this good? When im getting you this worked up? And, probably when you know im able to give you the best orgasm of your life.”
You shoved his chest, yet balling his shirt up so you could immediately pull him closer against you. The idea of going further made you flushed, despite that being the only way everything is headed with the make out session you just had.
But it’s hard to miss the way it’s exactly what your body is rioting for. Not to mention the way his gorgeous and pouty face that’s hardly visible in this light works you up even more.
“Just… shut your mouth. Keep it closed.” You pleaded, letting your hands slide underneath his shirt and scratch against his taut muscles. A part of you longing to see the tattoos hidden beneath.
“How would I do this, then?” He guided his lips back against yours and licked into your mouth. His skilful tongue made you weak against him, the way it swirled around your own.
The exchange almost made your knees buckle where you stood pressed up against the door. Hands wringing against the oddly soft skin of his back, his mouth tasting of mint.
Every part of him was unfairly perfect, down to the way he tasted— which made you almost drool it was that good. But regardless, it’s messed up he’s allowed to walk around being so flawless.
Well, physically flawless anyway… given what flaws he lacks in that department, he makes up for with his subpar personality.
As his warm mouth moves against yours, your hands dipped back down to where his belt laid, toying with the buckle.
He drew his mouth back, yet pushing his thigh forward— slotting it between your legs with a satisfied hum. “Pretty thing, pullin’ on m’belt like you’re desperate for something.”
His words made you shudder, and you know he’s trying to ease you into some kind of submission. And you hate the way it would probably work.
“Desperate? Coming from the one who is already pushing his cock into my hand through his jeans.” The scoff he let out gave you a rush of satisfaction.
Although he didnt verbally retaliate, a hand tucked into your hair and pulled your head back. Exposing your neck so he could suck a harsh mark into it.
“Y’all talk, darling…” he whispers, letting your hair go and slipping his fingers nimbly under your fitted shirt.
His hand is pressed into your breast firmly over the top of your bra, held down by the tight fabric of your top.
It renders you senseless, the feeling of his warm palm atop your skin. Hand held over the heart you swore a million times he wanted to rip out of your chest.
Your own fingertips glide along his arm, feeling the soft hair dusting them, and coming to instinctually clutch his bicep.
There was both fear and arousal pumping through you, it was a sick and twisted adrenaline high that pushed you further into his game.
You unconsciously ground yourself against the thigh his had worked its way between your legs, a whimper slipping out as he gently squeezed your tit.
His name slipped from your mouth, sounding like a desperate plea.
“Y/N, baby.” He mocks almost, “just tell me what you need.”
It’s a shame you didn’t have the strength to even hesitate, “You.”
A satisfied hum from his throat embarrassed you, yet not enough to stop grinding down onto his jean-covered thigh.
His hand retracts from where it was inside your top, and disappears south. Fingers dipping below the fabric of your leggings, and touching over your core like it was nothing.
Your legs nearly gave out as his fingers drew over your fabric covered clit. A noise rattling in your chest as he adds a hint of pressure.
It feels heavenly even over a layer of fabric. Nails were now dug into the flesh of his arm, and your brain starting racing even faster than your heart.
Need, need, need.
That’s the only chorus you could hear in you head, you needed to feel his fingers press inside of you. You would even resort to begging if it came to it.
“Everyone always acts like you’re such a good girl, dove.” He shakes his head, already foreshadowing his disagreement with his tone.
He delivers a flick of your clit, “but you’re not really. Not at all.”
The dampness of your panties could almost make him moan aloud, but he holds himself back, continuing his little speech.
“If only they could see how wet your pussy’s gotten for me. Just how badly you want something from me.”
“Shut up.” You wish it held even a hint of venom, but it was yet another plead to him.
He leans forwards and captures your lips in a short but searing kiss, licking into your mouth for hardly a second before retracting.
“Want my fingers inside of you?” He asks, ignoring your previous complaint.
The idea sounds like a fucking dream right now, and you nod feverishly despite him hardly being able to see it.
“Yes, just do it, please.”
He waits hardly much longer before pushing your soaked underwear aside, allowing his middle finger to slip through your wet centre.
The sensation of the first contact skin-to-skin releases a full body shudder from you, and then furthers into a groan as he eases into your soaked hole.
He wastes no time curving it upward, eager to hear your moans. There’s no resistance as he touches you, you melt into him.
“Fucks sake,” he curses as you rut into his palm, craving the friction of it against your clit.
“So keen to grind yourself all over my hand, huh? Who would’ve thought I’d have you in here tonight, making a mess on my fingers.”
His voice is idilic as it enters your euphoric mind, even though his words are a dig at you, you can help but be turned on even more by it.
“Please…” you whine, although you’re not even sure what it is you’re begging for.
He starts to move his hand faster, there’s a level of skill behind it, he knows what he’s doing.
The pressure of his upper palm against your clit, and the circles he’s rubbing inside of you. Pressing at a sweet spot that’s making you drip.
It’s not long before you can hear how wet you are, hardly masked by the moans flying from your mouth.
“Already going to come?” He chuckles, kissing at your mouth.
“Fuck, fuck— Harry…”
He pushes in a second finger, making your back arch in pleasure. Christ, it felt so fucking good.
You are so unbelievably wet, and in the back of your mind you can’t believe he’s got you in a state like this.
Palms fisting at his shirt, pulling him as close as you can get. He can tell you’re starting to unravel between him.
Your hole is pulsing in response to his fast and firm hands, and profanities flying from your lips.
“Cmon, show me how much you hate me, Y/N.”
“I hate you!” You cry, and the feeling of your impending orgasm is taking over your whole body. It’s burning in your stomach, aching in your chest.
His fingers somehow curl faster inside of you, and finally make you snap.
A cry falls from your mouth and your hips jerk harshly against him.
“Ride it out, good girl…” he coos to you, and your head is spinning.
Somehow, as you come down from your high, it was not enough.
“More, Harry.”
A silence envelops you both for a second, “what?”
“Need you inside of me.”
When he doesn’t move to action your request, you start fumbling to unbuckle his belt.
“Woah, slow down baby. Think for a second, gotta let you settle first.” His tone translates as unsure in your mind.
“Do you not want to?” You frown at him, “Just say that, im not going to be—
“No.” He immediately interjects, “not sayin’ that at all dove, just want you to clear y’head for a second.”
His hand has slipped out of your leggings, and his reminder makes you take a deep breath. It was almost sweet, even though it was the bare minimum.
“I’m fine.” You sigh, “thank you, though.”
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, okay?”
You’re surprised he has any decency at all in that regard.
“I know…” your hands have now slid his belt off him, “but I want you to fuck me, like fuck me absolutely stupid.”
“God, Y/N.” He rasps, “trying to be so gentle with you right now, an’ y’just want to be filled with my cock.”
“I do, so help me take these off.” You work to slide his jeans down.
There’s a fumble with eachothers clothing that quickly follows, all the sudden shirts are being torn off and pants shucked down from eachothers legs.
Thrown in random directions to be dealt with a later time, because right now all the can be felt is the desire.
“I’ve got a condom.”
“Why the fuck do you have a condom at a school camp out?” You scoffed, but typical of Harry to cart around a condom ‘just incase’.
“Ah well, yknow. Prepared for any occasion.”
You rolled your eyes, hands pressed on his chest, “God you have a way of making a girl feel special.”
“Darling, if you’re worried about that let me show you.” He runs his fingers down your body, lingering on the low of your belly.
“I shouldn’t be so surprised, I know better than anyone you’re one of St Jacklyn’s biggest man whores.”
“Not a man whore, just have an appreciation for a woman’s beauty.”
You lean in to kiss at his jaw, “I’ll pretend that’s not a bit objectifying.”
He groans, subconsciously cocking his head back so you have more room to peck at, “you’re impossible to please.”
“You haven’t tried that hard yet.” You sing, swinging the topic back to its original starting point.
“Oh yea?” He grips at your waist, tearing the condom he pulled from god knows where and moving his briefs down his thighs so he can roll it down his length.
He quickly pushes you back, so your body is pressed into the wall again, and a heat envelopes your body all over again.
His hands are now toying with your underwear, his lips back over yours as he teases you all over again.
You can feel his cock pressed against your thigh, and although there’s hardly enough light to get a good look, you can tell he’s big. Perfectly equipped, if you will.
Your hand finds its way to wrap around him, wishing for a second he wasn’t covered with a condom so you could really feel him.
Nevertheless, you give him a slow and steady stroke, taking great pride in the pleasure-filled sigh that gets drawn from his lungs.
“Fuck Y/N…”
“Look who’s whining now, good boy.”
He doesn’t even have the mental resolve to quip back at you, he simply cranes into your touch, mouthing at your chest absentmindedly.
“You’re gonna make m’come before im even inside of you. C’mere.”
He tugs your underwear down all the way, letting you step out of it. Wasting no time sliding his hand around the back of your thigh, lifting it up around his waist.
Your hands run over his shirtless frame, palming at the taut abs he has, trying not to salivate.
“You tell me if you want to stop or change something, alright?”
You nod, but it wasn’t enough for him, “need an answer, darling.”
“Yes, thank you.” Your answer was sighed, a flutter of your eyelids as he presses his cock against your clit.
You whine as he runs his tip through your slit, coating himself in your pooled arousal, his breathing heavy.
He takes his time here, teasing you, pushing into you just enough to have you clenching around him yet still leave you begging him for more.
“Harry, Harry please.”
He knew exactly how to work you so he got this. The begging and pleading to be filled up with him.
“Tell me what y’want.” His voice is raspy, yet drips with honey.
“You.”
He tuts, flicking your sensitive clit, “need more detail than that.”
“Want… fuck.” You roll your hips against him, “want you to fuck me so deep, please. Need to feel you all the way inside of me.”
There was no shame for you right now, all you could focus on was the pulsing need deep in your core, aching to be stretched out by him.
��That’s it dove,” he finally pushes in, moaning in sync with you.
“Fuck, you feel so nice around me.”
Your hole is already clenching around his length, your hips mindlessly grinding down into him. Pulling him in deeper until he’s hitting all the perfect spots.
He groans at your needy rutting against him, making him start to pump inside of you, hardly taking a slow start.
You feel your brain nearly switch off, all but the part that’s associated with him. His scent, his touch, all the history that you’re seemingly fucking out right now.
“Need you to go harder.” You cry, making him almost chuckle.
“What a wonderful thing t’hear from you. That you, the girl who fucking hates me wants me to fuck her senseless.” His statement is panted out, and usually you’d say something snarky back, but right now none of that crosses your mind.
“Please, want you to ruin me…”
Right now that is all you want, to be completely ruined.
He doesn’t take your request light heartedly, he ruts into you with deep and fast strokes. Hand coming to where your clit is, toying with it at the same pace.
He mutters dirty words into your ear as he keeps going, winding you up even when you didn’t think you could anymore.
“Cmon baby, show me how you let go around me.” He pushes, grabbing at the back of your head, lacing his hands into your hair.
He tugs your lips against his, and your moaning against him still, mouth wide open.
His name falls from your tongue like a mantra, over and over again until you’re nearly collapsed. He has to hold you up when you start to come, your knees completely cave in.
“Oh my— oh my god!” Your whole body rocks against his hold, his cock hitting places inside of you that you didn’t even know you had.
“Don’t stop, please don’t..” you feel the second he starts to unravel with you, his thrusts lapse in pace and all the sudden his breath stutters.
“Oh fuck, Y/N!” He grunts and falls into you as, “why didn’t we do this earlier, fuckin’ hell.”
His cock twitches inside of you, and both of you are stricken of air, lightheaded but filled with so much pleasure.
“That was so good, Harry…” you kiss at his neck, and his breath passes out as a chuckle.
“Still hate my guts though?” He laughs.
Your palms run down his back, relaxing as he slides out of you, “Mhmm, a good fuck isn’t gonna change that.”
“Atleast you can admit im good in bed.” He teases.
“Technically we’re not in a bed, so not sure if that point stands.”
“Just had you crying out my name as you come around my dick n’ you’re already back to mouthing me off.”
“Mouthing you off, huh?”
He snorts, “right, you dirty thing.”
“Can mouth you off if you beg for it.”
“Already want a round two with me, isn’t that saying something.” He stares at you, lips curling into a smile.
“You made me finish twice, seems only fair.” You suggest.
And suddenly, you realised you’ve gotten into a very dangerous spiral with a very dangerous player in your game.
Only time will tell…
———
a/n: I have hardly edited this but I really really just wanted to post again, I hope it’s okay and the writing isn’t too rusty lol
#harry styles smut#harry styles#harry styles one shot#harry styles fanfiction#fanfiction#harry styles imagine#harry styles fluff#fanfic#prompts#reader insert#harry styles x you#harry styles writing#harry styles smutshot#smut#enemies to lovers#enemies with benefits#college au
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okay but ramming you headfirst w my brainrot but like jiyan(wuwa) probably a brat tamer right? tbh i cant really get into brat taming bc if my mans start being all mean to me i would /gen get upset esp in like the bed UNLESS its like done out of love. So like i can only imagine he ""brat"" tames his lover when they've done something he does not like and like i dont think jiyan is the type to get easily upset UNLESS you've like---say put yourself in harms way bc of him to like shield him from an attack or something then he'd fuck you meanly (after you've recovered obviously) anyways hello welcome to wuwa rot let us all go to hell amen
I HAVE SUCH A SOFT SPOT FOR JIYAN so many relationships/smut hcs for him 😔 afab!reader, slight voyeurism
personally, i don't see jiyan being too mean with you. rough as he is on the battlefield, he's much more tender and gentle with his companions.
but at times, he finds himself frustrated at your attempts to protect him ... he knows that you're coming from a good place, and that you really care for him — but he can fight for himself just fine.
so when he sees you injured for trying to shield him, his emotions just blow up ... ( nsfw under the cut )
"consider this your punishment." he growled into your ear, thick and girthy cock ramming into your cunt once more. pressing you up harder against the wall, he was not holding back. "i already told you i could handle myself out there, and you want to play hero?"
"look at yourself." whimpering and moaning against the wall, with jiyan's hand covering your mouth. you were a mess underneath him. "stay silent, or do you want someone else to hear you?" "j-jiya—" you managed to say, only for him to press himself harder inside you. "i told you to stay quiet."
another moan slips from your lips, and jiyan takes his hand off, instead exploring down your body. he felt your walls tightening around him, taking him in so good —
he groans, pushing himself deeper inside. "i'm close," he whispers in your ear, his cock throbbing against your womb. "do you want me to do it inside?"
with your nod, he plants his seed inside of your core, eliciting a loud moan from your lips. he gently pulls out, grabbing a cloth and cleaning the both of you up. "i hope you've learned your lesson, sweetheart." his demeanor was different than what you had just seen, as he placed a kiss on the corner of your lips. "... don't do that again."
this is highkey shitty 😭 i don't have much experience writing smut, so please forgive me if this wasn't as good ૮ ◞ ﻌ ◟ ა this is actually my first time writing smut scenes, so eckkck 😿
i might also write this but for amab!reader ... but i need someone to tell me so, since i'm not so good at writing for amab 😓
#𖹭 ࣪ zaira's works#wuthering waves x reader#wuwa x reader#jiyan x reader#i sont know if i understood the assignment#i wrote this at 3am so PLEASE have mercy on me 🙏#im like still not fully awake but i cant sleep bro#i love jiyan#i just know he would be aftercare king
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