#and it made sense given everything
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really an inexplicable train of thought but i feel like taako is the kind of person who in a modren era au would just decide to go to a shooting range and learn how to shoot a pistol for funsies, but would consider learning to spin the pistol all cool like they do in cowboy movies to be his first and foremost priority. like hes already bought a holster and the moment he is given a gun he immediately starts trying to twirl it. the instructor has to tell him to stop or theyll take the gun away from him. he keeps trying to lead the conversation back to it anyway because he really feels like theyre putting the cart before the horse here if hes learning how to shoot the gun before even knowing how to dramatically reholster it if he were to get in some sort of cowboy duel. hes actually really good at the shooting part but he gets kicked out of the class after his eighth guntwirling attempt in which he accidentally flicks the safety off mid twirl and shoots one of their light fixtures
#taz balance#taz taako#i dont know shit abt guns so i had to google a bunch of stuff to see if this even made sense#'surely they would have taken the gun away from him before attempt number 8' ok see heres how im imagining the timeline#moment he is given the gun he gets in two twirl attempts right off the bat before the instructor manages to stop him#attempts number 3-5 are done in a 6 second window in which the instructor makes the mistake of turning around and not looking at him#he is then told he needs to take this seriously and they can and will remove him from the range if necessary#attempt 6 he just does on instinct and hes like cmahn you cant count that one i didnt even mean to do it. did you see it tho it was rad#he is then told if he does it again he will be kicked out#youll never believe this but he does it again#the instructor tries to take the gun from him and he decides it is a really smart and good idea to back up into the main area#ie the area where not everything is made to be safe to shoot and there are light fixtures and people in there#and try to twirl the gun yet a fucking gain . which is the attempt where he shoots out a ceiling light#to be fair he is just a silly little guy
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the fact that megumi was supposed to be the MC makes me giddy as hell. ITS ALL COMING TOGETHER GUYS
#in the context of jjk it feels like the main character and the protagonist are not exactly the same thing#yuuji is the main character who was stripped away of all the things that made him the protagonist#and all the things that made yuuji the protagonist were later given to megumi#megumi is the āchosen oneā the one in a million but all those things that normally would make the main character the protagonist#are out of megumiās control#the story is still about yuuji#the story could only take place BECAUSE of yuuji and yuuji's CHOICES thatās why heās the main character#yes kenjaku orchiestrated everything about yuuji's birth and role in life but yuuji is still the one who CHOSE to consume sukunaās finger#yuuji was still the one who CHOSE to#not include himself in the binding vow sukuna made him enter#those are two pivotal points in the story and yuuji was the one who made them#yuuji may not be āthe choosen oneā BUT THATS A GOOD THING#that means that even tho kenjaku orchestrated yuujiās role in life yuuji was and still is the one in charge of his own life and story#he even decided to postpone his own execution wondering āwhy the heck I have to be executedā#he gets to chose what heāll do next and NOT FATE#megumi is the one whoās āblessedā he inherited the most powerful zenin ct heās father was the catalyst that started it all#heās the one who was#the one in a million chance to be sukunaās vessels#and megumi didnāt have ANY say in that#because all this time megumi didnāt get to be in charge of his own life#gege really had the fate toy with him just like reggie said to him back then#megumi gets to be the protagonist (or more like have a role of the protagonist) because he let the āfateā dictate his life for him#(unless noooowww he decides to finally take the reins of his life and save himself from his fate)#itadori yuuji#fushiguro megumi#Iām yapping I donāt even know if this makes sense I was caught in a moment skksskks
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Do y'all ever think about how it's possible that Zeus' first verse in Thunder Bringer is about Penelope and his second is about Odysseus?
She's a "Damsel in Distress" (She's cool af, she just needs some help and misses her idiot), the suitors are prideful and hope to do what Zeus is singing about to her. Pressuring her to choose. Her "true nature" is revealed when her trickery with the shroud is found out .
The 2nd Verse about how Zeus is also the God of Justice and punishing them for the crew's crime of slaying the cattle. Odysseus saves himself to see Penelope again, meaning his crew/people will die. They died for touching Helios' cattle. Odysseus also saves himself AND Helps Penelope by killing all the suitors for their crime of flirting with/bothering Penelope and making her cry, while also bullying and eventually planning to kill his son. Many of Ithaca's men are killed for their pride too. Thinking that they're worthy of Penelope when Nobody is. Flirt with the Wife, you get the knife.
Penelope and Odysseus DO take each others' suffering away when they reunite as well. š„¹
#āMads you always put Penelope in everything-ā WELL THEN SHE SHOULD STOP BEING EVERYWHERE AND IN EVERYTHING#ngl I'm very surprised that there are no animatics that depict Penelope in the first verse. showing how Zeus is fucking with Ody's head#or even just Odysseus SEEING Penelope in the āDamselā that Zeus would be manipulating and being horrified.#therefore adding more weight to Odysseus decision at the end of the song. also foreshadowing the suitors ;~;#I'm the last person EVER to want to see Penelope in anything like that but the angst potential. (plus it's not actually her. it's a cloud)#it could also be with the first verse being about Odysseus too though... (I mean What Zeus is talking about happens to Ody in the Odyssey)#His āprideā that made him choose himself over his crew is because of his damsel in distress. He has to see Penelope again.#completely understandable and reasonable. Everyone knows that when given the option you always choose Penelopeš#(except if it's between Penelope and Telemachus because if you choose her she'll fucking kill you for not saving her son lol)#Mad rambles#shot by odysseus#essay#epic the musical#epic the thunder saga#thunderbringer#thunder bringer#penelope of ithaca#penelope#odysseus#if any of you tag this as āOdysseyā I'll be mad >:( This is about Epic. They're very different. both wonderful. but different.#odypen#zeus#I hope this makes sense lol
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daily life arc miura haru. does anyone know who i'm talking about. do you guys remember her. i still can't believe what happened to her š
#katekyo hitman reborn#khr#khr text post#miura haru#the fandom confessions blog reblogged a confession about the girls and how it's kind of a shame they're always given more depths through#the badass/girlboss who now knows how to use weapons route#and it made think of haru because like. of all the khr girls imo she's the one that route actually makes sense#both narratively and character wise#like if her characterization stayed the same post daily life arc and she was given decent focus and room within the story#post future arc or somewhere along i could have totally seen that happen and would have bought it no questions asked#like look me in the eye and tell me she wouldn't have gone 'so you're telling me you're dealing with the honest to god mafia?#okay so when do /i/ get a gun too so i can handle myself and give you guys a hand??'#i mean. she literally slapped then punched tsuna upon their first meeting because how dare he corrupt innocent children#and then challenged him through a duel wearing armor because how dare he not see the wrong of his ways#then tsuna saved her and she was /immediately/ like 'oh you're KIND and care about the people around you? okay nevermind i'll just become#the future vongola decimo's wife'#also she was literally right there when they attacked the tomaso's headquarters#and was also there to witness tsuna's 'first kill' and was like 'it's okay tsuna. i'll wait for you to come out of prison' lmao#she's so unhinged#she's so funny#she's ready to throw hands at all times no questions asked#amano free my girl she can do everything the boys are allowed to do too š
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It is becoming so clear by the way that Baelaās characterization is being fumbled with, that the writers have no idea how to connect her with Laena in their quest to demonize Daemon, and itās just ruining all the dynamics of their family.
If we go by Baelaās, āI am blood and fire,ā line, it is pretty clear that this must tie her to Daemon. Laena is a Velaryon, and because the writers cut out any time to develop her character, there is no way to see her as Targaryen. She was a Velaryon by birth, raised as a Velaryon, and given a Velaryon funeral. She is, āsalt and sea.ā
So that must mean she is Daemonās daughter! Just like in the book! Except no, sheās not, because it would be terrible to connect Baela to her uncaring father. But she has to be connected to one of her parents - thatās one of her key points in the book! So somehow, all of Baelaās rebelliousness, ability to fight, and more tomboyish behavior is connected to Laenaās unseen, undeveloped personality, despite the fact that Laena is āsalt and seaā herself - and is certainly never described or seen as Baela is.
Now, ever so coincidentally, Daemon absolutely would fit the description of, āblood and fire.ā So it it would be quite easy to just connect Baela to Daemon with a few simple lines. Yet for some very obscure, not at all obvious reason, the writers are determined to give some connection between Baela and Laena, even if Rhaena - with her love of fashion - would be better suited for such a connection. And because of such mixed up writing, it really seems as if everyoneās relationships and personalities are falling apart.
#why couldnāt they stick to the book? everything made sense in it#if everything about daemon was just copied and given to a woman it would result in Baela#if either of the kids should be connected to Laena it should be Rhaena#and by extension Rhaena should then connect more to Rhaenyra#anti hotd#anti sara hess#house of the dragon#pro team black#daemon targaryen#baela targaryen#baela the brave#laena velaryon
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The 6 chapter epilogue moves to 'end' the Tododrama this chapter leaving a divided fandom...
For me I think that given the story the Todorokis have had up to this point it both makes sense and is the best we could have hoped for. I'm not one hundred percent happy with it, but I defiantly don't view as negatively as a lot of people seem to.
First off Touya dying makes sense and this is perhaps harsh but I hope he does. People theorizing that the mysterious Tenko like figure is Shigaraki and he will heal him and the rest of the LoV with his restored Overhaul powers is insane to me. With only four chapters left idk how that would even be covered or concluded, since even if they were healed they would all still be put in prison--it wouldn't erase the fact Touya killed 30 innocent people by his own omission. So, how Hori would cover that kind of plot in a cohesive way in four chapters is beyond me. It's pretty much people wanting a worse story because they want their favorite character to live.
Also, I'm a bit frustrated that yet again people are acting like Enji should die instead and making wild accusations based on nothing. Namely that Touya dying supposedly soonish negates Enji saying he'll watch him and his death will let him off the hook so to speak.
Enji has shown that he really loves Touya and feels immense guilt and rightful responsibility for how he treated him and his the rest of the family. Touya dying doesn't suddenly heal his permanently crippled body or give him back his Hero job. It will only make him feel worse. Also it's not as if once Touya is gone he'll ignore the rest of his family either. He still owes them as well, and will probably try to help them in whatever way he possibly can.
People acting as if Touya's death will free him or that afterwards he'll go on with his life completely happy and forgetting about him is just not in any way accurate to what we've seen of his character.
The other thing I've seen floating around is the idea that if Enji had been killed off during the first PLF War, Shoto would have saved Touya and the family would have been happy in the end. I don't think that's true. I will admit I'm bias because I like Enji and I'm not a fan of Touya, but given how Hori seems to have delt with the LoV and villains in general (unless he pulls a 180 and heals them last min) I think Touya was always meant to end up dying slowly in a hospital or get some other bittersweet ending.
BNHA is not grimdark by any means but it is not the idealistic manga of the past like Naruto. Hori punishes characters that make bad choices no matter how understandable or even shitty the choices they had were. Aoyama, despite helping defeat Afo, being a child and under the threat of death to him and his family, still drops out of UA because he feels he still has to earn his place there. Bakugou dies and his heart and hand will never be the same, while also having to deal with the guilt of Izuku loosing his Quirk (if that sticks). Enji, even though trying to change and atone for most of the Manga's run is still left permanently crippled, the job that meant everything to him, lost, his legacy gone.
For Touya who killed so many people without care, only to get back and his father. Who plotted to kill his little brother despite knowing he was abused. Not caring if his plans got his other innocent family members killed. After everything we've seen with other characters who did far less wrong and tried hard to amend those mistakes getting harsh consequences, I doubt it was ever the plan to have Touya sitting at the table with his family eating his favorite food with a smile, regardless of Enji being alive or not. To suggest that Hori only had Shoto fail because Hori needed Enji to be involved just isn't true. If Hori wanted to give Touya a happy ending he would have--many fans have already come up with how that could have happened even with Enji still alive.
The only criticism I agree with is Rei's ending. You can defiantly read how she wheels Enji around and answers his phone as them being back together or in the very least her becoming his caretaker. Now, That might not be the case--she could just doing those things because they were both going to see Touya and she's just helping him out that day, while they actually live separately, with Enji having a paid home assistant that couldn't or wouldn't go with him to see Touya (because of the stigma or visiting regulations). The issue is that we just don't know for sure and Rei has been shafted pretty badly.
That said, I wasn't expecting much from/for her anyway. I think getting a little blurb about what she was doing like Natsuo and Fuyumi did would have helped, but I sort of doubt Hori had any idea what to do with her character outside being Enji's abused wife and Shoto's mom. With him rushing to get these last chapters out I'm not shocked he just stuck her in the background, especially when Enji and Shoto as secondary characters needed the screen time.
#bnha 426#bnha spoilers#ask#thanks for the ask :)#todoroki enji#endeavor#idk i just think people expected a Steven Universe/Naruto/ She-Ra kind of ending#where everyone is happy in the end#(minus Enji of course because he deserves to suffer for all eternity apparently)#but I've noticed alot of modern Manga are way more cynical then those in the past#BNHA is no JJK#but it's not super unrealistic idealist story either#it's not a downer but it doesn't sugar coat things#one of the major themes is that people can change#but that it's really hard#and it doesn't necessarily mean everything works out perfectly afterwards#Bakugou is constantly punished for making bad choices#so is Enji#Even shoto gets some when he fucks up--like the during the Hero exam#for the lov particularly Touya who never made a different choice even when he was given multiple opportunities to#I don't think the story would have made sense if he just got a happy ending anyway#after so many other characters were punished and forced to learn/change#Yes he was abused but so was the rest of the family#and they didn't decide to kill strangers or each other just to spite Enji#that was Touya's choice and even after his entire family nearly died to save him he shows no real remorse#heck in the end he only apologized to Shoto#like at least Natsuo deserved one too after he nearly killed him twice
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Ā I wish that more English Danganronpa V3 fans knew that in the original Japanese version, Gonta didnāt talk in caveman/Hulk speech. He spoke in normal polite Japanese, only struggling with the meaning of certain words from his lack of experience. He did however talk in third person but Tenko and Angie did as well. In Japanese 3rd person speech works and is used to make characters cute and childish. But in English none of this comes across and instead is just distracting. Its obvious that the NISA translators only kept Gonta in 3rd person to insert weird American humor into the series.
Ā I especially dislike this translation because Gonta is one of the most important characters in ndrv3, especially when it comes to Kokichiās character arc. Now, instead of being the sweet and naive entomologist who allows the audience to see beneath Kokichiās mask, he is now seen as nothing but a joke side character.Ā
Ā Which not only ruins Gontaās entire character but also makes Kokichiās character and intentions even more confusing.
(No wonder people are confused that Kokichi and Gonta got official Anniversary wine together haha)
Ā To make things worse, they also changed Kokichiās character by making him more childish and aggressive.(even going as far as changing his sprites on scenes!) Iād say one of the worst mistranslations though was making his whiteboard have ātrustworthy?ā written below the photo of Shuichi. In Japanese it saysĀ something more along the lines of ļæ½ļæ½dangerous?ā orĀ āuntrustworthy?ā. I really donāt know how they messed this up but it was likely because there was a translator who wanted Kokichi to be shipped with the protagonist. The translation error to me was strange because most of his interactions with Shuichi were negative so, to suddenly say that Shuichi was the only one he trusted would feel like a contradiction. Itās also frustrating because, the original whiteboard translation imo implies that Kokichi may have suspected that Shuichi was the mastermind which is SO INTERESTING and gives their dynamic so much more depth.
In conclusion: NISA ruined V3 lol
#gonta gokuhara#kokichi ouma#shuichi saihara#danganronpa#new danganronpa v3#ndrv3#killing harmony#Kokichi seeing Shuichi as the mastermind also just makes so much sense when you look back at everything#it would only make sense that Kokichi would use the whiteboard to continue Kaede's goal of finding the mastermind#and shuichi out of the whole class is the most suspicious given how much power he has over the whole class and the fact that despite being a#detective he barely did anything to find the mastermind#all he did was solve the class trials which just made the killing game continue on#from Kokichis prospective Shuichi being alone with Kaede so much before rantaros death could also be suspicious#you could even argue that this would explain why Kokichi acted weirdly aware during his love hotel scene and why he sprints out of the room#at the end. also speaking of the love hotel NISA also added a weird line to shuich in the Kokichi scene where he basically says that he#found himself wishing that kokichi would stay but repressed the thought#this wasnt in the Japanese version so I dont understand why they would add this other than to add more ship bait#oh and I also find it interesting how similar Shuichi and Tsumugis designs are#I have so much more to say about this but I'll stop for now haha#this was supposed to be about Gonta but oh well;;
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there r fics that make u insane (so amazingly good itās removed ur sanity) and then thereās fics that make u insane (you need to fistfight the author for how they did a specific thing that caused u to rant for hours)
#i know i just posted that other thing but ffs that is NOT how u handle someone in that situation everyone involved made everything 10x worse#yet itās being treated like the right thing to do (which again ofc theyāre cops they donāt understand harm reduction but still) like#seriously everythingās so forceful like u seriously think forcing ur friend to talk to u or forcing a patient to talk to a therapist under#the threat of being admitted to a psychiatric hospital is gonna make her feel comfortable talking to u? or anyone? sheās just gonna trust u#less and get better at hiding it and speaking of which the taking away all sharp objects thing makes sense in theory but like think abt it#for a minute she confirmed she isnāt suicidal and this is her only way of coping so do not just forcibly take away all her coping mechanism#like yes she is hurting herself but itās a COPING MECHANISM. sheās coping with something. help her with that donāt just take away her penci#sharpers or whatever (which btw since sheās an adult she could easily buy more stuff and yk learn to hide it better) which again has to be#voluntary it isnāt gonna work if u force someone to do smthn they donāt want to like as ur friend u couldāve made it clear u care abt her#and wouldnāt judge her for anything and r here if she wants to talk donāt just say āyou have to talk to meā and casually threaten#hospitalisation when she isnāt ready in the moment like seriously if this wasnāt a badly written fanfic she would completely stop trusting#bcz given that this wasnāt even done out of panic i would like ffs u are NOT doing any of this right#oops sorry ranted abt the bad fic in my tags-#itās not where the authorāll see it and know itās about them i donāt feel bad abt it#this was my first time even looking at stuff for this fandom so#cw self harm in tags#idk if i need to tag anything else for that š#fanfic#ao3#ryan shut the fuck up
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#bisexual trans autistic jamie tartt#heās literally me lol#yes ik him being trans given his dad & abusive childhood is unlikely no i donāt care#alternatively#maybe his dad was āsupportiveā but only in the sense that he views man/masculinity = tough/strong#and he wanted his child to follow in his footsteps#so he made it his life goal to torture jamie in that everything he did had to be āearning his manhoodā#hold on that kind of checks out#anyways my mind#also#this man is so autistic coded#like there is the trauma to also factor in but#i should do a separate post on that#i probably will#jamie tartt#ted lasso#roy kent#roy x jamie#roy x keeley x jamie
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do you have a favourite portrayal of a character in the gotg game!! who is it and why <3
Oh I think they're all great honestly!!! Part of why I love the game so much is that genuinely, the whole team + supporting characters are written with such obvious love of the source material and equal attention between them all. When I see comments of people saying who their favorite character was from the game and the answer always being different from each person I'm like!! That's how it SHOULD be!!! They're the Guardians of the Galaxy (plural) the focus shouldn't all fall on a singular character like most other GotG media usually ends up as š
The two (sorry I can't pick just one) whom I think benefit the most from the game though are Drax and Gamora because they're almost always sidelined both in-and-out of universe by most of the various writers (especially as of late) and in turn the viewers/readers. I've been told plenty of times that they're the most boring members of the "main" team, BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY! The amount of love the game versions get (by the few who've played it at least) proves that š„ŗ
I've never really liked 616 Drax shifting to being a complete clown during the 90s and such (and even less so when the MCU followed along š) So I appreciate the game taking a bit of his seriousness from the DnA run and just making him struggle with nuance and context clues in a less exaggerated way (autistic Drax I still believe in u) and I feel the focus put on him and how losing his original family + the aftermath deeply affected him hits pretty hard here because it's treated very seriously and shown in depth, especially with how his family (wife) gets actual focus. I cannot tell you anything about Yvette in comparison to Hovat, who actually seemed to have had a personality lol (AND she was on their village's council like omg imagine having more to you than just being The Housewife) Though I will say I flip and flop on my thoughts about Heather being disconnected from Drax's life in this universe... The TLDR is that I think his arc here specifically works stronger when he has to come to terms with losing his entire family and accepting the life he currently has with the Guardians. BUT!!! I very much appreciate that Heather is still confirmed to exist within this universe, even if that means her dad issues would have to be dealt with in a different context if we ever get to see her.
Also? Shoutout to the writers actually bringing up the intense paranoia that always kneecapped 616 Drax but having that be a turning point in his backstory here, with that conversation he has with Peter where he talks about how he was becoming so paranoid of everyone being a chitauri/Thanos conspirator to the point of literally turning into an obsessed maniac like Thanos, and realizing that he desperately needed to turn his life around, it's so ough.
Out of the already many great conversations throughout the game, I think the ones with him are the most poignant. My favorite scene in the whole game is Drax and Pete's little moment on Knowhere... makes me go wahhh
(l also love that out of everyone on the team, it's his headspace that we quite literally get to go into. You KNOW that if this was any other media it'd be going into Rocket or Groot's head and likely treated as a joke.)
And oh my god, Gamora...
I find it so extremely refreshing that her role in the plot doesn't revolve purely around the men in her life, and instead, it's nearly exclusively her connection with other women. Or in the most direct obstacle she has to deal with, being how she starts projecting to the millionth degree on Nikki's situation for reminding her of what happened to her and Nebula. I find that infinitely more fascinating as a reading of her character rather than just dating drama or her arc getting completely overtaken by a man's instead.
And especially in her friendship with Mantis, who, despite having all these futures she's constantly seeing and having to navigate, still makes time to do her best to help her š„ŗ From saving her life and being the one who put her on the path to healing on Lamentis, to getting her to join the Guardians and still checking in on her when she's able š Friendship between women can be so powerful... u love to see it (š³ļøāš)
I also find it nice that there's this emphasis on her recovering mentally, and the comparison between Thanos essentially teaching her to just Deal with the shit in her life through very simplistic meditation versus the priests of Pama actually teaching her something to help soothe the mind :^( and that she still has moments of relapsing essentially. I find that to be a realistic take on recovery because that's just part of the journey since healing is not linear... and I think it's very sweet that she finds comfort in collecting something ---girly--- like dolls. Love to see a person reclaim a part of their childhood that they weren't allowed to experience. And how she's allowed to make BAD JOKES?? Imagine a woman being written to have multiple dimensions, crazy and absolutely unthinkable, I know.
There's this extremely specific theme in relation to Gamora across media that's been rattling around in my brain since first playing the game. When near the end during the revisit to Knowhere, she's about to completely lose it when Peter tries talking -for- her on what she's so upset about before immediately shooting him down, and she explains what happened between her and Nebula and she starts crying. It really struck me right then that she's never given a moment to cry elsewhere (or in the 616's case, the quite literal inability to.) aside from her shedding a Single Manly Tear (Original Sin) or a single moment out of legit fear (MCU š) because she's a hashtag Strong Independant Woman who can't be vulnerable etc etc. But for her to cry in front of the people she's come to care about, It gives her a moment of true vulnerability that I don't think she's allowed ever in most other media.
That and all of the above hits hard and is what makes me genuinely believe that the writers cared about her in the narrative and tried to do right by her when every other bit of media really hasn't nor cared to the majority of the time since the 90s :'^/ Brings a tear to my eye that she's allowed to just... exist in the narrative on her own merits and not on what she can provide to someone else's story.
#lex thoughts#gotg thoughts#universe: eidos game#gotg2008#sorry for asking for a question then immediately disappearing for a month š I'm on the most stressful roadtrip ever#i š«¶ you for asking about them though the Eidos gotg are my everything and i won't shut up about them if given the chance#very funny to me that all these important moments happen on Knowhere. Strange things can happen at the end of the universe.#The end page of W&tIW 09 is the only other Gamora moment of vulnerability across media that i can specifically pinpoint#But it's more self reflection in a way of a heavily traumatic experience that I don't feel ever truly got resolved within the 616 IMO#And I find it a specific point to be made when Gamora is/isn't allowed to feel or literally denied things that are stereotypically-#-categorized as -feminine- (which is dumb to assign gender roles to a simple human emotion such as CRYING.-#-But you get what I mean I hope) We play fast and loose with gender around here pardner I think all of the gotg should cry more#but in Gamora's case specifically it Hits Different knowing her past and treatment throughout media#i could also heavily go into the way the game adapts Peter's character in relation to his element guns but that's an essay for another time#just because -i- find that extremely fascinating doesn't mean i think he should particularly be the main focus (and he isnt)#bc pete rocket and groot are the ones that already get all the attention (even if i dont agree with how they're written elsewhere)#i just find it more engaging for the other two main characters of the team that always get sidelined by the writers actually being put in-#-the spotlight with equal attention given to them for once to be sooo -shakes fist#sorry for the intense word salad i hope i make sense lol ESSAY/RANT OVER .š¤
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joaquin phoenix's oscar acceptance speech. february 9 2020.
#this has been on my bedroom wall since then#Pay attention to the third paragraph#He touched on so many important points on the time he was given and everything rang so true for me#(I mean him narrating the documentary that ultimately made me go vegan is poetic and all)#And the way he approached that third bit there it literally made so much sense#*sigh*#Just- yeah.
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weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<
#im gonna go and do my food shop etc to keep myself busy and hopefully my 2nd meds will kick in and we'll be able to handle it together#i think i kind of do this so regularly bc my brain is just processing everything bc i dont rly have time during the week#all cool tho im doing good overall def on the up n i feel way more capable of coping emotionally which is nice. i <3 meds#also.. possibly settling on the idea that i might be agender. very tentatively. lots of experiences n thoughts coming together rn#ive been reacting in unexpected ways to a lot of gendered shit atm which has made me reconsider the way i think abt myself#but very difficult to articulate it to myself let alone anyone else. so ive been sitting with it for now until it precipitates#gender stuff has never rly affected me much or ive never been in a place to explore it which is why i havent thought abt it super hard#but im not the sort of person who needs a lot of internal exploration to figure out my identity like im v self aware tbh#and while im wildly indecisive abt most things in my life for some reason i never have been abt stuff like this. i learned abt lesbianism#like idk 9 years ago-ish and straight away was like yeah that makes sense for me. never looked back since#n similarly ive experienced forms of gender dysphoria before n just immediately dealt with it symptomatically n moved on#its never been smth to agonise abt for me like i know what makes me comfortable in my skin so theres no question abt doing it#and ik im privileged to be able to do that. and also it helps that gender for me is mostly divorced from external perceptions#+ that im v autistic so social pressures dont stick to me very well. i mean yeah i was bullied for it as a kid but i was stubborn asf#so yeah from the moment i realised i was genuinely uncomfortable/upset abt it earlier this week i was like okay. lets try this instead#its given me pretty instant relief from any distress i was feeling so far which is nice. rare respite from one of my torture labyrinths#just testing out internally whether it frames things more clearly n makes me feel more myself/at peace before i choose to stick w the idea#but not gonna do a whole coming out fanfare either way. dont think i wanna change how ppl interact w me + im still a dyke#so i dont consider it relevant to anyone else unless they share a similar understanding of gender to me. or if we're v close#ill prolly broach it w other trans friends eventually bc insert philosophers talking image. but to everyone else its business as usual#happy to play my cis-sona at work. + w new queer ppl i meet ive been introducing myself recently w mirrored pronouns instead of any/all#and i think i prefer that. virtually indistinguishable but theres smth nice abt inviting ppl to recognise me the way they do themselves#like translating + localising a non-gendered language into a gendered one... simplifying decisions abt how to perceive me#and ofc ppl are still gonna perceive me however but idc much unless we're actually friends. the rest is all a performance anyway#doubtful anyone on here ever has reason to refer to me but if u do for some reason... im freeloading off ur pronouns now btw <3#but yeahhh. much 2 think abt. i need to read more alien/ai sci fi.. non-human sentience has been such a comforting concept lately#but yea tldr i woke up one morning this week like damn im prolly agender but i have a full time job to go to rn so idc abt that#.diaries#okkkk my dex is kicking in im no longer on the verge of tears lets go get these groceries wooohoooo
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My ass was trying so hard not to jump up and down with glee playing yttd with my sister and getting to the shin reveal I was like MY GUY MY FUNNY LAD MY SILLY RABBIT
#the klock keeps ticking#yttd#its like i cant get ahead of myself when talking about him cuz theres still a lot not revealed by the end of ch2 but STILLLL#i was keeping my opinions on characters pretty neutral this whole playthrough though my bias towards gin and kai was very apparent lol#and i did start screaming in agony reliving my worst nightmare joe dying#i dont think my sister was nearly as torn up about it as i was though like god ill still never get over it#the first time i played i actually gross sobbed like maybe i was just sleep deprived but i was inconsolable literally never cried that hard#but yeah we did the second main game today and i was like#ānot trying to persuade your vote but heres one million reasons why we should let shin live ahahaā#i dont think she was very happy with her vote aldnks#but yeah i really am gonna be sooo annoying next time we play im literally gonna bring pages of shin analysis with me that i can gush about#it is an interesting thing this character cuz to me like everything about him is so clear like even from the beginning i just didnt buy#the idea that he was genuinely an asshole i knew there had to have been something more going on#and idk if ive made it clear guysā¦but hes exactly like me guys hes just like me fr#his story hits so hard it feels like my own self insert which is weird cuz obviously thats not true#but like i feel like its either you get it or you dont and if you dont understand exactly what this character feels cuz you feel it yourself#i feel like so much of him just wont make any sense to you#maybe im just being pretentious idk but like if you cant relate to his abuse and just#very blatant bpd then I feel like youll just judge him on how good or badof a person he is#like it just doesnt feel like itd hit in the same way like when i see this character talking about being hopeless and the way his trauma#makes him act irrationally like god it just clicks so hard it makes so much sense and i can physically feel it through the screen#I MAY BE FERAL ABOUT THIS CHARACTER TO AN ABSURD DEGREE SHHH#basically what im getting at is i feel if i dont over explain everything about this character to other people i fear they just Wont Get It#and that they will be judgmental which idk i guess makes me defensive#anyway yeah i just enjoy getting to re experience the spiral this guy has given me and i will be thinking about it a lot tonight
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this is fucking ridiculous- I've never seen 9-1-1, I've been a lurker ever since Buddie came onto my screen but like...
buck being confirmed bi???
be still my beating heart motherfucker
and im here listening to my patpran playlist like it's a buddie playlist??? and it fits??? and i cant fucking breathe??? gtfo this is ridiculous- IM NOT EVEN IN THE FANDOM?? WHAT DO I KNOW?? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING OMFG
#since 1am#my thoughts cannot stop and haven't stop since 1 AM THIS MORNING GET ME OUT OF HERE#I didn't hope for anything#it was cute and everything and I love their friendship obvi but I didn't expect anything#AND NOW YOUVE GIVEN US BI!BUCK#LIKE#idk man for some reason it changes things like fuck bro#blabber time#idk if anything I just said made sense
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rambling dont mind me
#thinking about how the difference between me n my other indigenous friends is like a border or two#thats it#and how that really just can totally remove everything i have to say from relevancy with other indigenous people#like my yukayeke vs my cousins tribe n clan#function completely differently#which makes sense like we're ages apart#literally different countries and opposite sides even if we werent#but i think like#as soon as you get south of the border the 'rules' that northern dudes have made kinda stop applying how you think they do#like my cousin is metis and taino because theyre my cousin#or more theyd be a part of my yukayeke if theyd learn about it i guess is more accurate like#its a bit more complex than how im saying it but yk#but i cant be part of their clan or tribe#which mind you is FINE like its not a bother or anything like that and i dont necessarily even know if id join given the choice#but i find it really interesting like#something about the timezone of when you got colonized and where that border is really changed us#i dont think we need to be this divided in our views is kinda the other thing but also i think that we currently need how certain things ar#like how theyre different#just in order to deal with the surrounding population of people#like shit my boyfriend's family would NEVER admit theyre indigenous even though he wants to reconnect#whereas white cherokee grandma is a whole thing here#well excluding the aztecs but his family considers them dead so im not counting that rn#versus like my taino ass#we're having a whole resurgence of people trying to be proud of their blood in puerto rico#its a HUGE thing to say 'oh fuck we're not dead' like its a MAJOR event thats been happening for the past few years#and its great! its like actually fantastic!#and i really GENUINELY hope it doesnt end up with our yukayekes becoming even more closed off#i hope it ends with 'youre taino? come learn then.' and then we learn#because fuck if i dont love my people but fuck if im not sick of people claiming shit for fun too#idk
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I may scrap the current Chapter 24 altogether.
It feels like filler no matter how I write it. There's no key development and all the information could be summarised in a few paragraphs of description at the start of the next part of the banquet. I may be struggling so hard to write this chapter because it is inherently unworkable.
Or I could just be overthinking because it's been such a gap. But having read it over, I'm inclined to believe it's the former.
#this is an unprecedented move for me so far#but it was bound to happen because not everything goes to plan#i do sometimes include clunky or unnecessary things because you write for yourself first and *I* want those things there#but even i'm not feeling this one#the original idea for the chapter was fun but it's not holding up when written out#codex entries#unwanted#edit: the most comparable chapter is 11 rumour mill#given that not too much happened in that and maybe if i wrote it again i'd have done it differently#but it made sense at the time bcause the story was still in the slow phase#now we're in the plot plot plot phase it would feel odd to have a slow down just chatting chapter
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