#and it made me think about how I didn't hear her real singing very often! but she has a song from the album she did before me

[sunb0ts]

just got home!!! hiya :)

[a-hazbin-reader]

THIS WAS MY BAD I FUCKED UP ANON I'M SORRY

Alastor X Reader Headcanons

✅️Romantic

❌️Platonic

TW: Brief mention of Y/N not having control over her own life

Description: 👆⬆️

It took a lot for Alastor to be nervous about something, like A LOT

He wasn't nervous to start his radio show, he wasn't scared to sing in front of a crowd or dance with a stranger

But meeting your father has his mind in shambles, he's never been so nervous in his entire life

Every negative quality he can think of is coming to the forefront of his mind and making a home there

Not even asking you out made him feel this anxious

Okay so that was a fucking lie

He's heard all about your father from you, knows how close the two of you are-now he knows how you felt meeting his mother

Your father made you the woman you are today, and all of your best qualities were apparently cultivated by your father, according to you anyways

But he plays it cool when you ask him to meet your father, giving you a charming smile and confident response

"It's about time you asked me that, my dear~"

Hugs you from behind and buries his face in your neck so that you don't see the panic in his eyes

Pretends like he's not worried about it whenever you bring it up but as his S/O you pick up on his mannerisms

He's often distracted, getting lost in his own thoughts, doesn't hear what you're saying, messing up food he normally makes with ease

It's different for him, to him meeting your father makes the possibility of losing you feel more real

If your father doesn't approve of him then not only would you be disappointed but he could keep you from seeing Alastor

And nobody would question it, nobody would ask what YOU want, a girl's father knows what best for her

Then you two would have to elope which wouldn't be the worst thing but you deserve more-

"Alastor..? Are you sure you want to do this?"

He immediately relaxes at the sound of your voice, turning to give you a reassuring smile and kissing your forehead

"Of course, my dear~! What sort of a man would I be if I was too scared to face your father?"

Oh, he's scared of making a bad impression

He leans into your touch as you place soft hands over his cheeks, smiling at him in a way that makes him feel childish for being nervous

"Oh darling, you have nothing to worry about...I'll protect you~"

"Very funny..."

"I'm serious! He will love you, you're very hard not to love~"

Your gentle embrace on his arm keeps him grounded throughout the entire walk to see your father

Maybe he nuzzles your head to give you affection, or maybe he does it because your scent relaxes him

Alastor is hilariously stiff when you two enter the restaurant, tensing up as you approach your father

He's handsome for a man his age but the way he carries himself with kindness and pride reminds Alastor of you

The old man's eyes light up and happiness envelopes his features as he takes notice of you, standing to meet you

The love between you and your father is painfully obvious, this here is a man who would die to protect his daughter

Something he and Alastor have in common

Then suddenly, a switch flips in him once you go to hug your father, no longer is he your nervous boyfriend

"Papa, this is the man I've been telling you about, this is Al-"

"Alastor! Pleasure to meet you, sir! Quite a pleasure! Might I just say you've raised an exceptional young woman!"

This is Alastor, the charming radio host who is utterly mesmerizing and able to talk his way out of any situation

The Alastor that originally caught your attention and kept it long enough for you to fall for him

He spends the entire lunch charming your father, laying out all his best qualities in the hopes that he's making a good impression

And he definitely is, or at least he seems to be

"Oh Y/N, you didn't tell me that he would be such a gentleman! Wherever did you find him?"

Oh Papa you don't want to know

"Oh you know...we just bumped into each other-"

"She immediately had my heart in her pocket from the first moment we met! I was wrapped around her little finger and didn't even know it until it was too late!"

Now you're blushing, Alastor's words, along with him pulling you into a loving hug, making you feel flustered

He may have been busy trying to impress your father, but he didn't forget who he was doing it for, making sure to pay attention to you

He couldn't ignore you even if he tried, kissing your cheek whenever you boasted about him or squeezing your hand when your father embarrassed you

Which he did, your father couldn't help but brag about his darling daughter and every good deed she ever did

All of Alastor's earliest worries are gone, now understanding that your father isn't the type of man to rule over his daughter

Rather the kind to build her up and encourage her to be her own person, loving her for her strengths instead of smothering them

Which makes Alastor respect the man even more than he already did

At one point you leave the table to use the restroom, leaving the two men alone with each other

The mood shifts a little bit, your father suddenly serious and doubtful as he looks Alastor over

"Just what are your intentions with my daughter? She's not the kind of woman who you can just toy with until the next one comes along. My Y/N is too good for a playboy."

Oh, so now it's a serious talk, that's fine, Alastor came here for a serious reason anyways

"I'm no boy, and I don't plan on playing with your daughter's heart, I meant what I said earlier. In fact, I wanted to meet you so that I could ask your permission to not only continue seeing her but to marry her."

Apparently, he said the right thing because your father's eyes widened in surprise for a moment before the warmth flooded back into them

The old man relaxed into his seat and simply nodded at Alastor as you came back, the two men coming to an understanding

The atmosphere at the table becomes much more casual after that, your father and Alastor talking and joking like old friends

It warms your heart to see your boys getting along so well, leaning on Alastor happily

He smiles and rubs noses with you for a moment before going back to the conversation, something that leaves you flustered

And apparently, it makes your father blush too, finding the two of you to be a cute couple

The love you both have for each other radiates more than any sort of PDA would

Your father thinks that Alastor wouldn't be the worst son in law to have, he's charming, hardworking, obviously loves you

Why he's nearly perfect but there's something about him that makes your father think he's dangerous

And maybe he is but as long as Alastor keeps his daughter safe and happy then what does he care?

It's your life after all

Later, when you all get up to leave, your father ignores Alastor's offer of a handshake in favor of hugging him

"If you marry her, then you best not ever leave her, not even in death."

"Not only will I never leave her, I'll do everything in my power to make her happy~"

"Good man, welcome to the family.."

You give your father a loving hug, and he whispers his approval to you, making you tear up and kiss his cheek

Alastor is a little concerned when he sees your glassy eyes but you kiss him happily before he can even ask what's wrong

Presses his forehead to yours once you two finally stop kissing, both of you panting softly

Your smile is so breathtaking, he almost doesn't even hear what you're saying because he's so mesmerized

"I told you that he would love you~"

GAHHHH SORRY THIS TOOK ALL DAY I HOPE YOU LIKE IT

I HAD IT THEN DELETED IT AND HAD TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN

[spenceragnewfics]

I'M SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS!!!!!! I'll be so hyped for whatever you write!

Maybe a frisky 18+ Fic of the reader being so into Spencer wearing that choker at Erin's party (I hope you know what im talking about lol) that they hit on him for the first time. And they end up going home together.

AHH! I know exactly what you're talking about and honestly I was hoping someone had written something about it but hey, I'm okay with doing it!

CHOKE ME | Spencer Agnew x Reader | 18+ MINORS DNI

I did my best to make this GN because I didn't know if you wanted that for F!reader.

TW: Smut, choking, allusion to alcohol, oral, the usual smut stuff

Word count: 2.5k

Description: Y/N is Erin's roommate and best friend since forever. Having grown close to the Smosh crew because of her friendship with Erin, they've grown a crush on a certain director of gaming. Now at Erin's birthday party a certain accessory sets everything into motion.

The music in the club was bumping as Y/N took a sip of their drink. Usually they don’t go out and party but it was one of their best friend and roommate’s, Erin Dougal’s birthday to be exact. The two have known each other for years and despite being opposites with certain things, they are close like siblings.

The theme of Erin’s party was emo, a look Y/N doesn’t do often but had the perfect all black outfit for that made them look irresistible. An unexpected addition to the outfit was a little victorian choker on their neck. Erin had made several for all her friends to wear as a silly joke, everyone played into it perfectly.

The club was full of people but it was mostly Smosh cast and crew. Which is where Y/N currently was, hanging out with Angela, Chanse, and the birthday girl herself, dancing along to the Doja Cat song playing. While Y/N didn’t work at Smosh, they did know a lot of the cast and crew as they visited Erin a lot and well the two are roommates so it’s just how things fall.

The four are singing along to the song and dancing close together until Erin gently places her hand on Y/N’s shoulder. “Come with me to get another drink!” She yells close to their ear so they can hear over the music. They nod and the two go over to the bar together, as they walk away from the dance floor the music gets softer which makes it easier for them to talk.

“So, how’s your birthday so far, lovely?” Y/N asks, wrapping her arm around Erin’s. “It’s been amazing so far! Thank you so much for coming out, I know this isn’t really your thing but I’m so glad you’re here.” The birthday girl is obviously drunk with how her words and movement is but the sentiment is real.

“Of course, anything for you Dougie.” Erin groans at the nickname as the two get to the bar. She orders a drink while Y/N continues to sip on their’s. Their eyes start to look around and take in the atmosphere of the bar. The area where you get your drink and hang out is very fancy and regal which transforms into a very interesting dance floor area that matches everything else but still seems a little weird.

Taking a moment to themself, Y/N takes a deep breath then sips their drink, “Holy fuck! Spencer!” Erin yells excitedly which makes Y/N spit out their drink. ‘Spencer’s here?! Erin said he couldn’t make it!’ They think to themself as their eyes move over to where Erin is…or…well…was. Now the girl is running over and hopping into Spencer’s arms.

After a moment Erin walks back over with Spencer following behind her. “Y/N/N, sorry, didn’t mean to run off but Spencer is here.” Y/N waves, “Hey, Spence. Glad you could make it.” He smiles at them as he walks over, “Yeah, I wouldn’t miss this. Erin always knows how to throw a ranger.” He says before turning to order a drink.

“Oh, Spencer! You need one of these!” Erin pulls out one of the chokers that everyone is wearing. “What is this?” Spencer asks, chuckling as he looks at the item in his hand. “It’s a choker with one of my thirst traps on it. It’s part of the party requirement. Y/N you should help him put it on.” Erin says, winking at them before walking off. 

Erin knew of Y/N’s feelings for Spencer. It was pretty obvious from the first time the two met plus Erin knew that Spence was their type. She’s been trying for a while to get the two of them together but there has never really been a good time for them to just talk and get to know each other until tonight. Erin had planned for this to be the kickstart of their relationship and later tell her plan at their future wedding.

“Do you…” Y/N starts pointing to the choker in his hand. “If you don’t mind, I’ve never worn one of these things.” He says chuckling. Y/N nods and takes the choker then walks behind him. Their fingers work quickly to tie the choker but not too tight, “That okay?” He nods and they back around.

“How do I look? Like an idiot?” Spencer asks, grabbing his drink that the bartender gives him. He doesn’t notice the way Y/N is looking at him, the choker making him look even hotter than normal and that is something they never thought could happen.

“No, no, you look…you look good.” Y/N says, trying to hide the nervousness in their voice. They take a big sip of their drink as Spencer smiles at them, “Should we go find everyone? Or are you okay with just staying here?” He asks, walking over to them. “Well I was dancing not too long ago, so if you want to come and watch that or even join the group then that would be fun.”

He chuckles and nods his head, the two chit chat as they walk into the dancing area of the club. Y/N shows him the table where Erica, Kiana, and Peter were sitting. Setting their drinks down, the two of them walk onto the dance floor and join the others already there.

Y/N dances with their friends and drinks throughout the night. Unknowingly, they end up dancing against someone. Turning around, they see that the person they’re dancing with is Spencer. Usually, this would freak them out but the drinks throughout the night have given them confidence. They’re not even tipsy, just calm and have some liquid confidence in their system.

They lean into him and he puts his hands on their hips. Putting their hands on his shoulders, they lean up to his ear “You look really hot in that choker.” He looks at them shocked as they continue to dance to the beat. “Are you serious?” He asks and they laugh, “Come on, Spence. How can you not know how hot you are?” They ask, their eyes connecting.

“No one ever really says that. I didn’t know you felt like that.” He says in their ear. “You really can be oblivious sometimes.” They chuckles and looks down at his lips. Looking back up, they raise an eyebrow and he nods. Cupping his face, they pull him down to their lips and it’s like magnets.

Starting slowly, their lips move gently together as he moves his hands to their waist to pull them closer. The kiss quickly turns more passionate as Y/N bites gently onto Spencer’s bottom lip. A groan comes from his throat that makes them even more excited.

Y/N pulls back, smirking as they see Spencer pout a little. “I would love to do this here but I’d rather go somewhere more private.” He smirks, “My place?” he asks and they nod. The two don’t say anything to the group as they quickly walk off the dance floor and to the exit.

The car ride to Spencer’s place is full of tension. His hand is on their thigh squeezing every few moments as they play with his fingers. No words are really said as his car speeds through the streets getting closer to his apartment with each passing moment.

Once the car pulls into the building, Spencer parks and opens the door for Y/N before leading them to his apartment. As the door closes he pins them to the door, his lips attach to theirs. Y/N’s hand finds placement in his hair and runs through his curly hair. They gently pull, earning a moan from Spencer. 

“Mmm, someone likes that.” They mutter against his lips before attaching them again. Spencer places his knee between their legs as he moves his lips down their neck. The scruff of his beard and his soft lips on their sensitive neck is more than enough for Y/N to softly moan his name as he works on their neck. The sound encourages him as he smirks against their neck.

His hands grip the edge of their shirt before leaning back, “Are you sure you want to do this? Are you fully here?” He asks, knowing they drank but just not how much. Y/N’s index finger wraps the velvet of the choker still on his neck and uses it as leverage to pull him closer to their face.

“I am absolutely sure and am very here.” They say, their voice soft as they look into his beautiful dark blue ones. That’s all Spencer needs as he slides his hands under their shirt. The shirt moves with his hands, exposing their chest and Spencer sighs dreamily when he sees it.

Y/N gasps as he suddenly starts to kiss their collarbone and moves down, each kiss moving to more and more sensitive areas that lights their body even hotter. “Spence, please, don’t tease me.” They whine as he gets on his knees. Eye level with their stomach, his eyes move up to stare into Y/N’s as he kisses their stomach gently with small nibbles between every few kisses.

They pull the shirt over their head then put a hand back in his hair. His mouth and hands continue to move down as he slowly pulls off their pants. His warm lips kissing their hips and pelvic bone as it moves lower to the place where they desire him most.

Kicking the pants off, he grabs a leg and puts it on his shoulder as he kisses their inner thigh. The scratch of his beard and his lips starts to make their brain fuzzy. It’s been a long time since someone actually took time to make them feel good and so their body is reacting like it’s the first time.

Pulling their underwear down, he licks a long stripe up as Y/N grips his hair and their head leans back against the door. His lips and tongue work wonders on them as moans, groans, and whimpers escape Y/N. The normally quiet person has thrown that all out the window as they enjoy themself. Feeling safe and cared for is something that they knew would happen with Spencer if this ever happened but it’s even better then they ever imagined.

Looking down, they moan his name as their eyes lock onto his. “God, fuck, how are you this good.” They whine as their hand grips his hair again. This encourages him to keep going as their sweet sounds are all he needs to keep going.

Y/N feels a knot in their stomach as Spencer continues to work magic on them with his mouth. “Please, don’t stop, oh fuck. I’m gonna come.” They moan as the feeling approaches faster and faster. He doesn’t stop but actually speeds up as they wrap their thighs around his head, slightly suffocating him but he’s loving every second.

They scream his name as the feeling bursts, their legs are shaking as the high fills them and Spencer starts to clean every drop. Once he’s done, he stands up and takes off his pants. Already hard and at attention.

“Wait, don’t you want me to-”

“No, tonight is about you. We can do that later.” He assures as he guides them to the couch. He sits down and Y/N straddles his thighs. Licking their hand, they stroke his cock to lubricate before sitting down on it.

Despite all his small dick jokes, Spencer is a pretty good size and girthy. The stretch is a bit much but also so welcomed. “Holy fuck, you’re taking me so well.” He groans, his hands on their hips. It takes Y/N a bit to take him fully but once they do, it’s a feeling like never before.

It’s like it was perfect, not too much and not too little. The two stay like that for a moment, letting Y/N adjust before they start to move up and down. Leaning down, they connect their lips onto Spencer’s as they continue to ride him. 

The two fight for dominance in the kiss as Y/N’s hips continue at a good pace. Spencer grips their hip and starts to slam into them and their lips disconnect. Y/N leans their forehead against his as they moan his name out. “Fuck, Spencer, don’t stop.”

The room is filled with skin slapping and moans, the passion is pulsing between the two of them. Y/N opens their eyes, seeing the choker still around Spencer’s neck, they slide a hand to his neck. Feeling the hand at his throat, he looks at them and nods then feels his body get hot at the lack of oxygen. “Fuck, I love the choker but seeing someone else on it instead of me is very disappointing.” They moan, continuing to choke for just a bit longer. 

Once their hand is off his neck, he flips them over to where Y/N is laying on the couch and he’s on top as his thrust continues their pace. They wrap their legs around his waist to pull him closer and their nails scratch down his back. The feeling of him inside is making their brain fuzzy as the pleasure continues to build.

“I wouldn’t mind having your picture around my neck. You just need to give me it.” He groans, his pace never wavering. This is shocking to Y/N because they didn’t think he would have so much stamina but aren’t complaining. Reaching between them, Spencer starts to rub and it increases Y/N’s pleasure.

It doesn’t take too long for both of them to get close to their apex. “Spence, I’m gonna cum.” Y/N says as their legs tighten even more around him. “Me too, where do you want me to…” He asks, but it trails off as he moans from the tightening felt around him,

“Inside me, It’ll be okay.” They assure as the peak feels closer and closer. “Cum with me, please.” He begs as his thrusts get sloppy. A moment later, they both cum. Sounds of pleasure are loud and resounding as the two enjoy the feeling of their high.

Once the fuzziness clears, Y/N blinks rapidly to bring themself back to earth. Spencer is still on top but his head is laying on their chest as he catches his breath. Y/N runs a hand through his hair with a soft smile, “That was amazing, Spencer.” Their voice is soft and slightly hoarse from the activities that have concluded.

He looks up and smiles back when he sees their face, “It was, and definitely something I want to do again.” He says and caresses their thigh. “I would also love to take you out sometime.” That makes them laugh, “I would love that too, and…” They gently untie the choker and throw it across the room. “To see you without that on until I can make it better.” he chuckles and kisses their thigh before moving up and kissing them softly.

The two stay in that position all night. Cuddled together as they talk before slowly falling asleep on the couch.

[sinceileftyoublog]

Madi Diaz & Jack Van Cleaf Live Show Review: 3/6, Lincoln Hall, Chicago

Madi Diaz

BY JORDAN MAINZER

"I've got these purple shoes--they're very cool," Madi Diaz shared Wednesday night at Lincoln Hall as she tuned her guitar. Someone in the audience replied, "Tell us more!" Diaz didn't hear them, but the crowd member's response was apropos of Diaz's open-book nature as a songwriter and performer. Over her past two albums, 2021's History of a Feeling and last month's Weird Faith (Anti-), through her unflinching honesty, Diaz has created a solidarity of self-expression, anthems out of moments and feelings we might otherwise be ashamed of (loneliness, crying in public). She's put to song the peaks and valleys and beginnings and ends of relationships with others and herself, the non-linear nature of realizing that she loves, hates, feels a burning desire, and in turn deserves to feel it all. Turns out, a lot of other folks have had experiences similar to hers, making it easy for them to sing Diaz's words back to her and feel a palpable connection.

Diaz

Diaz walked out to Cass Elliot's "Make Your Own Kind of Music", a fitting sentiment to introduce a show in which she laid bare her vulnerability and created an atmosphere for others to do the same. Truth be told, she knows how to start a song, an album, and a set; "Same Risk" confronts a love interest about a level emotional playing field. "What the fuck do you want? Cause I'll give you all that I got," she sings on the Weird Faith and set opener, each subsequent line one-upping the prior in terms of frankness, culminating with the question, "Do you think this could ruin your life?" and the admission, "Cause I could see it ruining mine." Though the album version has the proper canyons of space to give room for Diaz's heavy confessions, the live version was comparatively stripped-down. On stage, Diaz played guitar and sang alongside multi-instrumentalist Adam Popick, who played drums and synthesizer, sometimes simultaneously. Though Diaz's lyrics are often diaristic, conversational, and clear, that they were less obscured by instrumentation as on the album made them all the more in-your-face. As such, a song like upbeat strummer "Everything Almost", wherein she wonders whether she's doing and saying the right things in a burgeoning relationship (and she's even doing the wondering out loud, in real time) is borderline like watching theater: At one moment, she cracks up at the thought of being a needy pregnant partner, and at the next, cowers at the idea that her parents might not be around to meet their grandchild.

Diaz

Diaz's unbridled outpouring can be jarring, but it's undoubtedly powerful. On Wednesday, huge-sounding songs like "For Months Now", "KFM", and "Resentment" transformed into intimate singalongs. "Hurting You", performed solo on acoustic guitar, became an even more hushed ode to picking yourself back up after a heartbreak, learning how to move on from grief. And though Kacey Musgraves didn't show up to duet "Don't Do Me Good", the crowd's belting of the all-timer country chorus was as stubborn as the song's protagonist herself.

If Diaz has grown as a songwriter over time and as she's penned for pop and country stars, it's clear that her time opening for the likes of Waxahatchee, Angel Olsen, and Harry Styles has allowed her to understand that, when performing, just because a space is big doesn't mean it always needs to be filled. The subject matter of her songs could be constantly cried out, but she belted only for maximum impact, contrasting the dulled tom thuds on "Get to Know Me", or holding a single note on "Crying in Public". For the most part, her vocal delivery was subtle, especially when she harmonized with Popick on "Girlfriend" and delved into fatalistic tricks on the unreleased "Worst Case Scenario", a song that tests her "theory of imagining the worst possible thing happening" so that it won't happen, or "expecting nothing and then being pleasantly surprised." At one point, on "Worst Case Scenario", she exclaimed, off-beat, "I'm gonna think of it!" over chugging drums and barn-burning riffs, recalling the tossed-off singing of Jason Molina.

Adam Popick and Diaz

Where Diaz finds ultimate peace is not in fatalism or nihilism but a sort of existentialism. She spends a lot of Weird Faith looking for meaning in giving your all to someone, and even weather patterns. But on "Kiss the Wall", she proclaims, "Nothin' is a waste of time," connecting the most boring moments when we're waiting in line for something to one's own legacy, perceiving that we all make tiny changes to earth. During her encore, Diaz said she didn't believe a mere two years ago that she could spend time on stage singing about such a raw period in her life. As she wrote Weird Faith "on the backs of mantras," she started to believe in herself. It's clear, now, that one of those mantras is that every moment carries weight. She ended the night performing the title track on acoustic guitar, visibly emotional as she left the stage. As the house lights went up, we were graced by none other than Limp Bizkit's cacophonous cover of George Michael's "Faith", a reminder that even the cruelest of jokes can be earnest expressions of the universe's necessary chaos.

Jack Van Cleaf

Opening was Nashville-via-Chicago songwriter Jack Van Cleaf, an acoustic guitar picker whose songs and performances, like Diaz's contain heart-to-heart chatter. Lines like, "Love is like a rattlesnake / Before it bites, it tries to warn ya," from "Rattlesnake" were perfect bedfellows to Diaz's "Same Risk". And perhaps it was a mix of Van Cleaf fans and Diaz fans attuned to storytelling, but I was wowed by the audience's reaction to his songs as much as the songs themselves. On the unreleased "Using You"--which employs drug metaphors to explore how people use each other for attention during a relationship--the audience reacted with every lyrical twist and turn, despite likely never before having heard the song. After performing it, Van Cleaf asked those taking videos to tag him on Instagram, not for clout, but so he could watch it and fine-tune the song. Yes, such symbiosis carried seamlessly into Diaz's set, but for Van Cleaf in a vacuum, it's easy to see how another unreleased song like "Piñata" came to be given his appetite for feedback. It wasn't just the words themselves but the way he delivered the line, "I'm full of sugar / I'm full of niceties / I'm full of shit," that hit harder than a candy bar after too many edibles. Next time Van Cleaf comes to Lincoln Hall, he might be the headliner making people cry.

Van Cleaf

Van Cleaf

Van Cleaf

[ryqoshay]

Happy Life: Owlhane

Primary Pairing: YohaRiko Words: 514 Rating: G Time Frame: Sometime during their college years Prompt: Pianissimo

---------

Author's Note: Primary entry for the 14th

Summary: Yohane dresses as an owl

---------

“Are you really going to eat dinner dressed like that?” Riko inquired.

“Dressed like what?” Yoshiko returned a question of her own. “This is Yohanowl’s natural garb!”

“You said earlier that it was your newest garb.”

“Geh…”

“Also, wouldn’t Owlhane sound better?”

Yoshiko pondered for a moment. “Perhaps… Owl… hane…” she sounded it out before nodding. “Yes, Owlhane is better. It seems the elite little demon knows best.”

“I’m back to being a little demon again?”

“I-I mean angel ascended!”

“I thought I was the guardian of Owlhane’s prey?”

“Mohhh… Riri!” Yoshiko whined, waving her arms in frustration, making it look like she was actually flapping her wings due to her owl outfit.

Riko couldn’t help laughing a bit at the absurd, and thus very Yoshiko, scene before her. It was exceptionally cute as far as she was concerned.

“I must say,” Riko said after a moment, “that costume is very well made. Your wings are actually silent, like a real owl.”

Yoshiko grinned with pride. “Of course it is well made! Yo… Owlhane herself had a ha… wing?... claw in its creation!” She flapped again. “Although I must admit it’s not completely silent. I’m not sure that’s possible without using actual owl feathers. Nonetheless, Owlhane insisted that we strive to at least achieve pianissimo!”

Riko wondered for a moment if it was selfish to assume Yoshiko used a music term to refer to her costume because she was dating a pianist. Obviously, Yoshiko knew the term from her time singing as a school idol, but Riko couldn’t recall her using music terms outside of such situation. Or perhaps she did, and Riko only started noticing after the two became a couple. Still, intentionally introducing words from her girlfriend’s interest into her normal daily lexicon seemed very much like something Yoshiko would do.

“Eh?” Riko startled away from her thoughts as a feathered wing flapped near her.

“See?” Yoshiko asked, having moved around the table while Riko was distracted with her thoughts. “It’s just barely audible, but you can hear it. But with everything else happening on stage, I doubt anyone in the audience will notice.”

“I couldn’t hear it from across the table.” Riko admitted.

“Pianissimo achieved!” Yoshiko declared.

Audience. Stage. Riko recalled. “That reminds me, Yocchan hasn’t told me what this new play is about.”

“Oh, well you see…” Yoshiko began to explain excitedly as she returned to her seat.

The couple began to discuss the upcoming play being planned by the theater club Yoshiko had joined at the college they both attended. It was an original work written by a group of students in the literature club based on an amalgamation of several myths and legends. Yoshiko had been assigned the role of a wise owl that would assist the protagonist along their journey.

Riko listened intently to Yoshiko’s descriptions while trying not to laugh whenever the owl costume interfered with Yoshiko’s meal. It all made for an enjoyable, if again, a bit absurd, time. But, such was often the case when one loved and lived with a purported fallen angel.

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Author's Note Continued: Some readers may remember my entry for Promptober 2021 that I called Yohanowl. It was a quickly written, silly idea I had while trying to fall asleep. And since it was a bonus entry already, I didn't bother with much editing or whatnot. The important part was that I enjoyed writing it.

But it has apparently stuck with me, as it was the first thing to come to mind when I started thinking about the entry for this year, and my self-challenge to include the prompts from the two prior years that I participated; there was a Promptober 2020 edition, but I hadn't joined IFH by that time.

Honesty, I've no idea how much I will delve into this made up play for Yohane's college theater club, where she plays an owl. I don't even know what myths or legends I would draw on, I just typed that out for the sake of giving Yohane something to explain. But gods help me if it turns into some massive story arc or the like...

And for the record, Owl was the prompt from '21 and Wonder was from '22.

[laffy-taffy-creations]

Day 7 of whumptober!

This fic was cross-posted on AO3 here

Venomous Relations

Alleyway | Radio Silence | "Can you hear me?"

Fandom: My Hero Academia

Words: 731

Warnings: poisoning, paralysis, panic, aka the trifecta of pain. Also self-blaming

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hated this. I hated going behind my friends' backs, but I had to.

If we had any hope of taking down the LOV, gods know that working from the inside-out would absolutely help.

"Venom, there you are."

My illusory disguise looked nothing like real me. It helped that this was not my first time doing this. "Hey boss, whaddya need~?"

"A special poison. Transfers through the bloodstream and wounds. Paralyzes the victim for however long you can make it. No antidote."

I nodded.

I'm definitely making an antidote.

"This is for Toga's weapons, right~?" I sing-songed in the fake voice.

AFO nodded.

"Mkay~, I'll be about a week, maybe two maximum. Name your price as always and it's done All for Nothing."

"How many times have I told you to not call me that."

"I don't really see much stopping me~."

"Look I'm offering 2 and a quarter million for the job, just get it done okay?" (Author's note: ¥2.5M is a little over 15k USD)

"Sounds fair to me. See you soon~," I told him before skipping back the way I came.

I almost threw up once I got back to my dorm about the prospect of my own poisons being used to paralyze my classmates, my friends.

That's why we're also making an antidote, calm down Clo…

I started work on the poison. Slowly but surely, I made progress on the paralysis poison- and its antidote. I would not let them have the upper hand just because they were hiring me whether or not they knew I was a student here.

There were a few questions on what exactly I was doing, but those were few and far between, I made sure people stayed out of my room most of the time. Whether I be working on tech or some sort of poison or putting together the pieces of the goings on in the criminal underground, it was generally unsafe for people to be in my room most of the time.

I finally finished the poison, delivered it, and got my money. Gods above if I weren't doing this for my friends I would quit right now or be 'fired' due to attacking him.

Thankfully, I didn't need to make them for him very often.

----《 ¤ 》----

"Hey Vee! We got a mission!" Izu told me. I didn't think anything of it at the time. It just seemed like a simple mission they were sending us on.

----《 ¤ 》----

"Hey, just checking in," I said into my comms. No response. "Uhhh, Deku?"

Nothing.

"Deku, can you hear me?"

Still absolutely nothing. My heart started racing and so did my legs, running through our assigned area, searching.

He was in an alley. Toga was right by him. He was paralyzed with my own fucking poison.

This is my fault. I made the poison. I gave it to the LOV. I paralyzed him.

"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM!" I shouted at her.

She turned just in time to get hit directly with my punch. She attempted to stab me, use my own damn poison against me, but I was way to quick for that. During one strike I grabbed her arm and slammed her into the pavement below me using momentum.

"This is Blackout, requesting backup. One villain and my partner likely needs a medic."

I kept a foot firmly planted on Toga's back while I searched through my Limbo for an antidote.

"Found you~," I whispered to myself, grabbing the needle. I temporarily left Toga and kneeled down next to Izuku.

"Can you hear me? Blink twice if yes," I said, praying that it only hijacked his ability to move his limbs as intended. My poisons always worked as intended, but I could never be too careful.

Two blinks.

"Okay, I'm gonna inject this, and it's gonna fix what she did to you in about 5 minutes, tops okay?"

Two more blinks.

"Where the fuck did you get that?" I heard Toga say. She watched in amazement as Izuku regained control of his body, effectively removing all effects of the poison.

I heard the footsteps of the backup I called for. I stared her down, "you can't use my own damn venom against me."

I hoisted Izu up under one of my arms to help keep him stable and walked away, refusing to answer any questions from him or the LOV.

[fatefought]

the woman from four listens. she attempts to envision what katniss is describing. her own time in twelve had been so limited. a blot of gray and blue, muddled in the panicked state she'd been in during her victor's tour. it's crazy how memory can become hazy at times when in the moment everything feels blaring. there's an unspoken divide amongst districts. ( something that nobody could be blind to, could they ? ) but annie feels almost like she should be writing things down. you don't hear much about other districts in panem, other than what they supply and every so often people of notoriety. grandpa marcin used to teach her general geography on a makeshift, crumpled piece of paper. and still, so much was but a question mark. " did you ever work the mines ? " she asks curiously. what age did those in twelve start that line of work ? in four, some started working with their parents as soon as they could swim or learn how to properly clean their catches.

blanket comes around strong shoulders ; annie cresta had her wingspan spread, a wordless invitation to katniss to join if she so wants. no feelings will be hurt if it's declined. ( does katniss everdeen even like being physically close to others, much less from an essential stranger ? ) the offer is much lighter than the conversation shared. " she talked about how she wanted to push the twelve boy. spare him from the arena. offered to give me a similar fate too, " dark eyes break eye contact as she reminisces over something that haunted her. " she didn't make it past the bloodbath of the cornucopia. " valora claimed that kill, just like the district one boy took caspian. two of many faces that flooded the night sky and made her chest grow heavier by the hour in the seventieth game arena. ( names, names, names ; people are not truly gone if their memory continues to be spoken into existence ! )

the lump that threatens to lodge itself into her throat finds wiggle room to dissipate as conversation turns. the night sky - that annie can go on and on about. " i bet they do. lights drown out the stars. i've always wondered if the capitol had the means to fabricate the night sky. it doesn't feel very real. " soft chuckle leaves lips at the thought, her own admission at how foolish the remark might be. once again, her eyes travel to the horizon. did agatha take baby cas out to the water tonight ? hundreds of miles apart - maybe mom and son looked at the same stars tonight ; she'd have that thought countless of times about fletcher and sable when she was young. and whether it's real or not real, the idea of her seeing the same sky as family ... is something calming and worth holding onto.

it's more beautiful in four though. she'd spoken to everdeen's husband about the sunrise and sunset before. but with the night ? it's a delicate, fair sky accenting a district that felt like no other. was she bias ? maybe. well, most likely. annie will forever stand by it though. she turns her head to once again look at katniss. " they share the basics in class. a lot of people from four come from generational fishermen or sailors. that knowledge gets passed down. " just like with geography, her grandfather had instilled her known knowledge of astronomy. one day, she hopes to do the same for little caspian calder. the little guppy already looks up at the sky with such a grand sense of marvel on the blue moon nights that she and finn let him stay up late, and row out of their boat. he's always fast asleep in one of their arms by the time they get back to shore. the rocking from gentle tides lull him like sea sings her own sweet lullaby for the little prince. " it's a natural compass in a way. it's kind of wild to think about how it's been guiding people long before panem - magical even. "

it's not peace that permeates the rooms around the training center — katniss believes it is impossible in fact, to ever feel peace here; she had been a nervous wreck last year, and she's just as uncomfortable now — but a lull that is far too similar to idleness. last year, at least, she had most of her day taken up by the training. now, katniss struggles with twiddling her thumbs and waiting to see what the outcome of these days will be, so she seeks out pleasant companionship where she can. that is sparse around these parts, but katniss finds that annie's presence is unassuming and soothing (she ignores the way haymitch tsks as she passes the enormous living room of their floor, heavy blanket in hand. she also has to ignore his assumption of how annie may fake her insanity because if she does that, what else could she fake? katniss is not innocent in the theater of the capitol after all, and if annie is a good actress, then it is not of malice. it doesn't seem to be. katniss hopes it's not.).

the stream of paranoia is broken when annie's honey - drenched voice sounds in between them. surprise turns katniss' features into a frown. five years ago she was a sort of zombie walking the halls of the only school of the district, tired from hunting at dawn and eager for the boring school day to be over; katniss had madge, so there was no need for her to bother looking for another friend (one was more than enough, thank you). "not much. she was from town." there's always some more gasps when a townie is picked — objectively, they're much less likely to be called to the games, considering most of them do not take tesserae. but sometimes, all it takes is a couple of slips of paper in the bowl.

"twelve is not as big as other districts, but we're sort of split, in a way." she tries to explain, bringing her wrists to rest on the railing; she could almost feel the forcefield on her fingertips. "at town, there are the merchants, they own the businesses, so they have more… means. at the seam, we do not. town kids can get jobs around their own businesses without having to pick a shift at the mines, but kids at the seam either go pick at coal or take tesserae, which gives us more slips for the games, when we turn fifteen." katniss herself had survived through starvation because she opted for the latter; if her panic hadn't been so great she almost fainted whenever she even approached the miners' path, she would have also gone to the mines. "some do both." she gives a small shrug. "she probably felt cheated, walking to her death like that. can't blame her." katniss does not smile, but she draws some amusement as she gives annie a look, as the other victor stands up. "what did she say?" it's not a competition, but katniss is almost sure anything she thought on the daily may be more depressing than anything a well - fed townie had whined about to her competition.

the smile comes now, and it lingers on her lips. “oh yes. it puts these to shame.” the skies at the capitol felt so artificial katniss may as well have been at the arena; it is far too bright, the streets too noisy. katniss knew better than to roam the woods after sundown, when she became the least noxious predator around, but she could see them from the holes in their ceiling, and when father was alive and she couldn’t sleep, they’d sit outside and he’d tell her tales about old days with his mother, or his mother’s own stories from days before the rebellion (seven year old katniss never downplayed her shock when father spoke of how the covey would travel around panem because that was just so distant from them; heath would get a sad look in his face as he caressed her hair and she recognizes it now that as much seam as his father was, he’d have loved to go even further than just the woods). “do you learn how to navigate through them at school?’ heath teached her about cardinal points, stars, this sort of thing. they skimmed about that at school at twelve, but knowing how to make your way around the sea should be useful for a district that is surrounded by water.

[abybweisse]

Hello! I would love to hear your take on a theory I’ve heard, maybe you’ve already done something about it but —

The theory that the phantomhives are actually of Irish/Scottish/Celtic decent and that’s part of the reason Victoria (supposedly) wiped them out. Also kind of explains the “Windsor incident” and the “sour faces” of relatives at the mention of the twins names (I realize Ciel is French—I believe? But still!)

I just wanna sing ancient Celtic tunes to OCiel 😭 hits home for me because my lineage is extremely Irish and German, and I know how horribly they treated anyone Irish or Scottish at that time, even in America. So sad to think this might be the case, albeit with a supernatural twist

Celtic roots?

There has been discussion of that possibility within the fandom, and I've had a few posts and reblogs that talk about it.

For one thing, some in the fandom think our earl (who only pretends to be Ciel) might have named Finny after himself. A specific book has been shown on two separate occasions in the manga: Fenian Cycle: Celtic Mythology.

In ch100, it's shown several times, as our earl explains to Finny why he's chosen that name for him.

And it's shown again on the cover of ch132.

Now, our earl selects the name for Finny because of his blond hair and his strength. And years later, when our earl joins the circus, he calls himself Finnian. Some people think this is a clue that it's his real given name, and perhaps he has never liked it because it doesn't fit: he doesn't have blond hair, and he's not all that physically fast, strong, or healthy. Canonically, Rachel is the one to name the boys, and I personally cannot see her choosing a name like that for our earl. He didn't show signs of asthma until he was 5 or so, but he obviously doesn't have blond hair, and I expect Rachel to choose a more fitting name for him. Preferably one that works well with "Ciel" (like Claus and Lucas, mirror twin brothers in Mother3, having anagram names). That's one of the reasons why I like the name Elic. (I also like that it means "protection", much like Alex.) However, the idea that our earl is really Finnian (or some spelling variant) persists within the fandom.

I think it's more likely that our earl just fondly remembers Vincent reading the book to him, but it's interesting that the book is shown again on a cover page, with Vincent reading to the boys, and the tag line is "Gazing at the promised future". The chapter includes Vincent showing the boys around the estate and their earldom, but that cover also happens to show the boys "gazing" at the book. This could be a hint that the family is indeed of Celtic origins, or at least partly, despite the fact the image looks more like "gazing at the fabled past".

Then Yana-san revealed the cover art for Artworks 3, and wow. That's a lot of tartans and thistles. She mixes so many different tartan patterns that we cannot really say the family must be from one particular clan or another. But it's really interesting for her to choose all these tartans and pair them with a bunch of thistle, Scotland's national flower. There are even thistles on his boots.

Here and here are a couple old posts about it, including the symbolic meaning of thistles (includes some Japanese flower language meanings, too). Notice thistles are often associated with "protection". (Makes me like the name Elic even more.)

If the twins have some Celtic roots, it might not actually be on the Phantomhive side so much as Rachel's side. Her sister and father have that red hair, after all, and so-called "Gingers" have suffered discrimination for a very long time, particularly in England. Vincent might have wanted to teach his boys to appreciate and take pride in their partly Celtic heritage.

If Rachel has a strong Celtic background, then Vincent's choice to marry her might have ruffled some feathers. Perhaps family and people in the peerage didn't think it was a good idea; maybe this made Queen Victoria angry. Keeping all this in mind (and making a point of it), the decidedly strong-willed Rachel might have selected names that reflect each side of the family. Something French for the firstborn... and something Celtic for the unexpected twin? (Idk exactly where Elic comes from, but it looks/sounds Celtic, doesn't it? Oh, hey. Look. CELTIC. 😆)

Every time I look up "Elic name meaning" online, I get different results for both the meaning and origin, but when I looked a moment ago, this was from one of the top websites (Names.com):

Another website says it's Greek in origin and means "defender of mankind", a variation of Alec. Older website entries used to give a similar meaning (protection/protector of man) but claim it's Hungarian or something. So, nothing conclusive, of course, but gosh I hope our earl ends up being Elic. I really do. It's one of the major Mother3 predictions, so of course I'm fond of it. 😅

Speaking of lineage, mine is English, German, Irish, Scottish, French, and Dutch. My first name, Arran, is after the Isle of Arran (Scottish). My last name, Walker, is supposedly from the MacGregor clan, while my Allison ancestors (married into the Walkers about six generations ago) came from the MacAlister clan, straight from Somerled himself! Then again, being a descendent of Somerled is somewhat common. Roughly 500,000 people today are. Only Genghis Khan is documented as having more -- about 16 million. Big oof 😅.

BONUS:

Another person to mix with the Phantomhives could prove to be of Celtic decent.

[purplexiasphinx]

ok so I'm hyperfixating therefore I will hyperanalyze Rider's Lullaby please enjoy

So

Okay

I'm on mobile so I can't put a readmore so uhhh beware of spoilers pls scroll

Okay

Okay

I'm very obsessed with this. First of all, we don't actually... we don't actually have much information on Rider. She's just Rider, y'know? We know a lot about Horse. We know Horse is brave and strong and willing to give up... anything to keep the people she cares about safe. And that's beautiful.

But PAST that. Rider's Lullaby is sort of... well. Okay.

Let me put it like this.

The Nowhere King's song is often called a lullaby. Rider's Lullaby is literally called a lullaby. It's in the name. Okay, now hear me out bc as you can PROBABLY tell this is going to get a little Out There.

OKAY so. They are both lullabies. What if... what if Rider's Lullaby is some sort of... counter to The Nowhere King.

It holds so much love and trust in it, locked hands and bright eyes and longing.

And this fucking line.

I'll never, ever leave your side...

I have not stopped thinking about this line.

ALONG WITH

I'll stay here through the darkest night...

PLUS I keep accidentally writing nightmare king when I mean nowhere king and that cannot just be a coincidence

I mean it CAN but I refuse to believe that because I am MAKING my crack theories and you're gonna LIKE IT

But PAST that because I had a new idea, WHAT IF...

...

what if he just didn't want to be alone?

The Nowhere King kind of reminded me of Elias. You know the one maybe.

this fucking guy.

ANYWAYS

He reminds me of Elias.

And you know what Elias was? (At least, in the manga, which is all I have as I have not seen the anime yet)

He was lonely.

He had Chise, after a time. And they were happy. Or, at least, as happy as they could be while in constant peril.

Who did the Nowhere King have?

He had the mysterious woman, at some point.

And then she left.

She trapped him in Nowhere.

... she made him what he is now.

All that is good can never last, right?

My theory is he was toxic anyways, but she loved him. Probably still does.

He isn't just... some malevolent being here to destroy everything for shits and giggles.

He's a person with thoughts and feelings and he's hurting. That doesn't excuse his actions in the slightest, but that doesn't excuse hers either.

Sometimes the best thing is to end it all. But... what if? What if he could have been saved, if she'd... if she'd just been a little braver? Stronger? If... if she hadn't cared so much, she could have ended it.

At least, that's how I think she thinks.

What if.

She's gotta be tired of 'what if's. Of wondering. Of worrying. Of tearing herself apart with guilt and remorse, wishing she could have just done something.

But she can't. And there's nothing left to do.

OKAY BACK TO THE ORIGINAL TOPIC

Rider's Lullaby is a sign of trust and safety. The Nowhere King's song is a sign of danger, and unease.

I really like the lines "You will bring joy to the Nowhere King... when he sees the light leaving your eyes" combined with the fact that sometimes the light actually leaves his eyes. His eyes are dark, soulless voids... but also they aren't. They have a light. It just...

I don't think that's a soul. That is an evil presence, a darkness within light.

The woman is a light within darkness.

But...

Now, this is gonna go way out past what I was talking about and just do a complete U-Turn back to the Nowhere King because IN CASE YOU COULD NOT TELL he is one of my favorite characters right after the Gang (they count as one character solely because I could never pick between them)

OKAY

So.

his song.

It always contains a lot of voices. More than you can see. The plants sing, sure, BUT.

Those plants aren't centaurs. We've seen centaur trees, and plenty of other things... but those plants are just... plants. That Sing.

And from the Shamans, we know that at least some plants are connected and speak easily.

And then there's the flowers.

I think that they are part of the Nowhere King. They aren't just plants, they're roots. They're connections.

And. Going even farther out.

I think they might also be souls. Souls that the Nowhere King has taken. Stolen. Consumed. Each voice in the chorus is someone that has been lost in the inky-black pool that is... him.

He is a corruption. An infestation.

But... what if he isn't? What if the Nowhere King is really just the skull, and the 'ink' is the real problem? What if he was corrupted, just like the rest of the voices?

What if... what if the light already left his eyes, and he's merely a husk for the one pulling the strings?

What if he died a long, long time ago... and she (the woman) just couldn't handle that? What if she couldn't live without him? What if she was willing to do anything to save him?

What if she was willing to even do something despicable, something nobody was willing to do?

I saw a post talking about how there's probably another world, the one where the Minotaurs came from? What if... what if they're not the only thing that came from there?

A human body can only take so much strain before it collapses. Falls apart.

However, a centaur body...

Maybe something needed a host. And the woman was the perfect vessel... to bring it to the host it needed.

Maybe it offered life. An exchange. It could have a host, and she could have the one she loved back.

But it wasn't him anymore. It wasn't the person she knew. He was the Nowhere King now.

A waking nightmare.

So she did the only thing she could, and locked him away.

Where he couldn't hurt anyone. And nobody could hurt him.

Nothing good is meant to last.

Anyways I'm just really hyped for the next season ok bye

[thesmokingguns]

Tous Les Jours

word count: 1472

Requested: “Hii💖 can i request a fic where their s/o is in a band like baby metal and at first their like “how cute girls dancing to metal” but then they see how heavy it is and how much control they have over the crowd” I don’t know who requested this but I hope you like this. It was super fun to write!

“Salut, Salut, Salut! We are Les Petites Souris from Paris, France! Comment ça va, Los Angeles?” The crowd roared to life at the opening act. Dressed in feathers, bedazzled corsets, and fishnets it looked like Vegas showgirls and very out of place for the opening act to a rock and roll show. “This is our song Tous Les Jours!” Nikki looked up, confused from the bar where he was currently being bumped into by people trying to rush closer to the stage. Tommy and Vince both looked absolutely out of their minds excited besides him.

He had been promised to see the hottest band in LA at the moment and a huge competitor but what looked like three hot French Burlesque dancers were on stage. WHen the music started his eyes furrowed together. Heavy bass lines and drum beats mixed with great guitar riffs, and then they were singing. The lead singer was pretty blonde with long legs that she was using to do the Can-Can with her backup singers. BUt her voice was angelic. Nikki watched the three girls in their synchronized dance moves. The high energy of the girls were like a mix of pop stars on MTV and strippers. The way that they danced to their music, that was way heavier than he could imagine for them. He stood in almost shock as they performed, well TBone pretty much went nuts beside him.

They sang a few songs before the crowd started to get wild and try to surge forward. It was like a fight club as people pawed at the stage. Nikki felt like he was watching Beatles Mania happen. The lead singer finished her song, giving the crowd a look over that made them fall silent. Tommy elbowed him, in awe of the stage presence from the petite singer.

“Que faites-vous, mes amis?” she tsked at them and Nikki felt his eyes glued to her as she walked a few steps towards the crowd. The way her hand went to her hip and she looked out at them like she was scolding children, “This show is for everyone but we will not sing if you keep acting like this, d’accord?” though they didn’t know what she was saying they all agreed with her anyway. The way she smiled at the audience had them all cheering as she walked over and started dancing again.

Nikki loved watching the way the three girls bounced around the stage like they were just having a lot of fun. It didn't feel like they were acting but it also felt like a full performance. It was a gimmick but they could actually perform and all of them had great voices that sounded right over the heavy music. By the time that the show was ending he understood why the guys had wanted to come to see the band so badly. He was surprised at the end of the show when he was thinking about how he didn’t want it to end. He enjoyed watching the girls dance to the heavy music, their bright smiles, costumes bouncing at their silly moves, and the way they drew the crowd into them.

At the last song it got so loud he could see his whisky shake in the glass. The crowd was absolutely losing their minds for them. The girls all clasped hands bowing to them and giving them all waves as flowers, bras, and even what looked like a pair of boxers all made it up onto stage. The singer once more stepped forward waving at the crowd and trying to get them to quiet down so she could talk.

“Merci, mes amies. Once again we are Les Petites Souris. We are selling some merchandise in the back of the club. Hannah, wave your hands so they can see you, mon amour.” Nikki turned to see the girl waving her hand. “We also will be playing at The Roxy tomorrow night. You can find me at the bar before the set and buy me a few drinks, oui?” she smiled as there were catcalls and whistles from the crowd, “Merci, mes amies. Until tomorrow, bonne soiree.`` She departed the stage and it took a few minutes for people to realize they were done and not coming out for an encore.

It was crazy how the crowd was already leaving when they hadn't even been the main band for the night. Vince and Tommy were already finishing their drinks which the bassist knew meant they were going to try to head backstage to meet the new chick band on the club scene.

When they made it backstage they had no problem finding the dressing room since they had all played here before. T-Bone wanted to just walk in but they managed to restrain him as Nikki knocked. The door opened and there was the blonde, looking him up and down.

“Do I know you?” She asked and he smirked that her accent had been real and not just part of the show. Her eyes rolled away from him to the two men that were with them. He could hear someone say something to her in French and she responded lazily with a Hand wave.

“I’m Nikki Sixx, this is Vince and Tommy. We saw you play tonight and just wanted to invite you out.” Her eyebrow rose and she turned to look in the room of girls relaying the messages. Two heads poked it looking at the men and they were all chattering over each other in what seemed like a game of pick your date. Nikki felt the heavy blue eyes on him of the blonde.

“So you come to our dressing room after our show without flowers, without champagne, without anything about our show and you and tes sales amis want to take us out tonight? Tut-Tut, Monsieur Sixx.” She walked away from the door replaced with another blonde who was making eyes at Tommy.

“Do not pay Charlotte any mind. Come back in an hour, yes? We will be ready then.” She shut the door leaving the boys all standing around. Nikki told the boys he’d be back in a little bit leaving the club, feeling like he had a challenge ahead of him.

The hour passed and when then girls came out they were changed from their stage costumes to more casual jeans and leather jackets. Nikki handed Charlotte a bouquet of roses watching the way her eyes danced in amusement.

“Great show.” He said, a smile blooming over his face. He watched the way she cracked the flowers bringing them close and inhaling the sweet scent.

“Merci, Monsieur Sixx.” Her hand went to her forearm lacing their arms together as they headed out and into the waiting limo that the band had.

That night turned into six months later and the pair had been pretty much inseparable. Nikki would take out the French singer as often as possible. She basically lived at his house, throwing parties and laughing loudly with all his friends. The way she managed to get everyone to befriend her with almost the trance-like control she held on stage never stopped impressing him.

The cult-like following of the band had them headline large arenas  where seats were packed to watch the cute girls dance to the metal songs. Everyone seemed to forget they could perform with a full range or dance moves and musical talent until they were seeing it live. The way the girls were in cotton candy pastel burlesque outfits contrasted to the heavy metal playing in the background.

Nikki had seen them dozens of times, loving to support his girl, and still he would be sucked into their performance. The cute dance moves, the heavy music, and the sexy outfits all seem to add to the band. He loved watching them can-can to the heavy baselines and the elegance they brought to the music. Just like he was hooked on seeing them he was hooked on their lead singer.

Nikki had known after the first night when she pulled cognac from her purse to splash liberally in their coffee after dinner that she was the girl for him. She made them all feel like they were in the presence of something great and lifted them all up to feel great as well. He loved that when he was having jamming sessions to figure out new songs she’d pick up her guitar helping him come up with the melodies to his music. Or how she’d sing his lyrics and he could finish a song after she had hummed out a few lines. The chemistry they had was something he had dreamed of.

He knew he loved her and he planned to keep her around so that he could continue to love her. Tous les jours.

[yelenayena]

HER SHIRT IS UNBUTTONED

Pairing: Yelena x fem!reader

Genre: Isekai

Sum: You've never watched the Attack on Titan (AoT) series, but at least you know some of the AoT characters because your cousin often tells you about their admiration for AoT. What if one day you get the chance to enter the world of AoT, and you have to train as a cadet and meet Yelena at the Marley military base?

A/N: The period in this story is after the warriors' failed attack operation on Paradis Island, and before Zeke saved Yelena’s life during the war. Sorry for my bad English 🥺

Warning: None, One Shot

Imagine if you come into the AoT world because of something you don’t really understand. You do know that the world is full of mystery, but you never expect that you could enter another dimension such as the AoT world.

You felt so sad when you heard about your grandmother’s death. The next day, you went to the camp area by yourself because you needed some fresh air and outdoors to refresh your mind. But, the strange thing happened when you woke up in the morning, you were found by a number of armed soldiers. You were so shocked when you found out that you are in Marley, and they are the Marleyan soldiers. They took you to the military prison forcibly, they assumed you were an intruder or a spy.

The affliction doesn’t end here. You don’t know what exactly happened, but they took you to the training corp. The commander told you that you are now a part of Marley and you have to serve in the Marley military. You refused to enter the training area, and swore that they had violated human rights by turning you into a soldier forcibly. No one listened to every word you say, no one cared about your fate. They keep dragging you into the training area and forcing you to change into a uniform for the cadets.

“Listen up cadets! Your first day of training is basic physical exercises. Run 30 laps around the track! Do 200 push-ups! Do 200 more push-ups! And do 200 sit-ups! Start!!” said the head instructor.

All the cadets were dumbfounded at the chief instructor's orders, but no one dared to disobey, so the cadets could only carry out his orders.

"Tch! Very unlucky I entered this world and was trapped in a military base, and they tortured me like this! Anyone who enters the fiction world might meet the main character, but me, I don’t even see Reiner or Zeke here!" You grumbled, silently, and you began to join the other cadets to run on the track.

You have been through every step of the exercise. Every part of your body hurts. Unfortunately, there is still one more exercise you have to do, sit-ups.

“Looks like I'm going to die here, before I can return to my normal life,” you said to yourself. But this is better than being cooped up in a cell, at least you can do something to get back to your world. So, no matter how hard this training is, giving up is not your choice.

The other cadets seem to already have a partner to do sit-ups with, only you who stands by yourself. You don't mind, you can still do it alone. The head instructor saw your situation, he asked if anyone still needed a partner, all the cadets except you shook their heads. Apparently, your arrival makes the number of participants odd.

"Yelena! Give your hand to the cadet over there for a sit-up!” the instructor ordered the tall guy standing next to him.

It was a very tall woman who had a beautiful face with her blonde hair styled in a short bob with straight bangs. She wears black pants and a white shirt. You wonder if this woman is one of the Marley soldiers or not, since she’s not wearing an army uniform. You are mesmerized by this person's appearance. Due to being so focused on practice, you don't even notice this person in this room. The fatigue you feel disappears instantly when you see this woman named Yelena. Sparks of enthusiasm run through your body as soon as you see this enchanting figure.

She looks reluctant with the order, but she still steps towards your place to carry out the order. Your heart beats fast as she stands in front of you, without saying anything, but you understand that she was telling you to sit in a sit-up position. You comply with her intimidating coldness, but that only makes you more attracted to her.

"Start!" shouted the instructor to start this training.

You can feel your cheeks turning red as Yelena holds your legs. “You can count yourself, right?” she asked you.

You just nodded because you were mesmerized by her voice. Her voice sounded so suited to her masculine figure, so deep and low. Just hearing her voice stimulates your hormones. Regardless of how fascinated you are with this person in a very short time, you still have to face how tough this practice can be.

You do sit-ups with the remaining energy you have. In the fourth movement when you lift your head and shoulder blades from the floor. You look straight ahead at her chest. Your eyes catch that the shirt she wears is unbuttoned so you can see the inside. You flinched when you found out she wasn't wearing a bra and was only wearing a loose undershirt so you could see her cleavage and nipples.

You pause as you lie on the floor after seeing this unusual sight. But wait, you think one thing, every time you do a sit-up, you will see the nipple once. Two hundred sit-ups will equal two hundred times! This means you will see Yelena's nipples two hundred times. This absolutely gives you new stamina to do sit-ups without difficulty.

Seeing your extraordinary stamina makes the people in this room including the cadets near you glance at you with admiration. They don't know that the reason you have new energy is that you got a windfall to be able to see your new crush’s body. That day, you saw Yelena's nipples 200 times during the sit-ups, and you got the attention of the instructor who were amazed at your stamina.

Yelena’s presence made you feel convenient to live your days as a cadet in the training corps. Even though you don't see her often, you still have the opportunity to meet her occasionally. Sometimes you flirt with her when you meet her. Neither she didn't give you a good response nor rejected you, it’s okay as long as you can see her.

Nothing lasts forever, neither pain nor happiness. You heard that Yelena will have some mission on board to do the first survey fleet to Paradis Island. You ask the commander to include you on that mission, but you are still a cadet, they can’t send you to such a dangerous mission unless needed.

The day in Marley is not the same anymore without Yelena. You never heard about Yelena from your cousin before. You didn’t care if she wasn’t a lead character and had a small role in AoT, that woman had driven you crazy.

You ran around the forest near the military base to get Yelena out in your head. You had run about four miles until the day got darker and the fog was getting thicker. You need to get back to the dorm, but it is difficult when you can’t see around. You walked towards the light over there, as you stepped out of the forest, you saw the different panorama from the military base.

It is the camp area where you stayed for camping. With the sun on the eastern horizon starting to illuminate this camp area, you heard the rooster crowing, and the birds that sing in the morning. The time in Marley was different when you entered your real world. You remember you ran in the forest in the late afternoon, but it seems this world has just started its day.

The place where you are standing is near your tent, you grab your phone and your eyes widen when you see the date on your phone. You left your world for only a day, but you felt you lived your life in Marley for weeks! You don’t care about camping anymore. Today you should go home and come to your cousin’s house to borrow all the AoT’s books and watch all the seasons, to find about Yelena.

Disclaimer:

Original manga from Moekare ch. 7 by Ikeyamada Go.

[hissterical-nyaan]

The Promise

Pairing - Bucky Barnes/Desi! Female reader

Warning - Angst, sad ending, more angst

Summary - Bucky Barnes broke one promise that meant the most to Y/N

Word count - 1.5K

A/N - This is my first ever fanfic, I am very anxious so please be gentle with me :) This was created purely to make y'all cry lol. This is a songfic of "Lag ja gale" of Lata Mangeshkar ji. I absolutely adore that song and found it quite fit for this story!!! Also English isn't my first language and there might be grammatical mistakes. Thanks to @soradragon for beta reading this and helping me complete it, you are a blessing. Love you 💙 happy reading folks!

It was  peaceful in Wakanda, a cool night had taken its place from the hot humid air of the day, the stars were shining bright and serenity hung in the air.  It was impossible to imagine what the next day would have in store for everyone. No one had a clue that tomorrow was the day that would change everyone's lives forever.

There was the sound of soft humming coming from the modest hut which housed the one and only the White Wolf and his lover.

Inside was you, singing songs softly in your mother’s tongue before the two would go to bed for the night. It was a nightly ritual the two of you shared. For Bucky had found your voice so soothing it would chase away the recurring nightmares that would haunt his sleep every night. Bucky Barnes was unable to sleep without his love in his arms, without her angelic voice singing for him, and without her soft hand weaving through his hair. 

You had an awful day today, throughout the day you felt anxious and restless. As if your mind has been screaming at you that something bad was about to transpire. You had no idea what, but it was bad. if there is one thing you hated most, it would be not knowing what will happen next.

You liked being prepared for everything! Your distressed state made you itch for your ma's presence and her wise words. So the next best thing to feel like she was there was to sing your ma's favourite song. It was a song you had  beautiful emotional memories attached to.

Lata ji's masterpiece ‘Lag ja gale’. The song that always left you peaceful.

"What's on your mind, chaand? No cheesy love songs today?" Bucky teased lightly, slightly puzzled by the song choice. Normally, you would sing more happy, sweet love songs when you were in a good mood, not to forget how out of character you acted the entire day. 

"Acha? You said you don't like my cheesy songs na, so I thought today I will comply with your wish and not sing my ‘overly romantic, Shona Babu songs.’”  You shot back, poking your tongue out as not to worry him. Bucky pouted slightly.

"Arre baba okay now don't pout, I was just joking. I will sing the cheesy songs again tomorrow, right now this song just feels right to me.” Hearing that, Bucky mumbled a quiet yes and snuggled deeper into you, holding you tightly and moving his head ever so slightly to listen to your voice.  

Lag Ja Gale Ki Phir Ye Hasin Raat Ho Na Ho

Shaayad Phir Is Janam Men Mulaaqaat Ho Na Ho

Lag Jaa Gale Ae Ae… (Embrace me, dear, who knows whether or not this beautiful night will ever come again. Maybe in this life we may or may not meet again)

You remember the first time you met Bucky, in Shuri's lab. You were a   good friend of Shuri. You were a researcher staying in Wakanda with T'challa's permission and eventually befriended the Princess. The two of you loved to talk about anything and nothing. One day Shuri told you about the Winter soldier staying here in Wakanda. You had heard many things about him, but never had you seen him in the flesh. Till you saw him come into the lab, bruised and eyes swiming full of emotions, but the distraught was the most clear in those blue piercing eyes.

It was at that moment that you had decided you would help him, and try to soothe the aches and scars that had been covering his fragile heart. He was put in the cryo soon after your first encounter, but you couldn't help but think about him often.

Ham Ko Mili Hain Aaj Ye, Ghadiyaan Nasib Se

Ji Bhar Ke Dekh Lijiye, Ham Ko Qarib Se

Phir Aap Ke Nasib Men, Ye Baat Ho Na Ho (I have been given today, this time by destiny. To your hearts content see me closely, who knows, if your destiny, may present this situation again.)

Six months later, Bucky came out of the cryo and on his request, was given a small hut away from the palace in the fields. You often saw him, with his tiny herd of goats. You remember how one tiny goat - which Bucky had endearingly called Steve -  was the one who caused you to talk to Bucky. Maybe that's why he was still your favourite goat, afterall he was responsible for giving you the love of your life.

Shaayad Phir Is Janam Men Mulaaqaat Ho Na Ho

Lag Ja Gale Ki Phir Ye Hasin Raat Ho Na Ho (Maybe, in this life, we may or may not meet again. Embrace me dear for this beautiful night may not come again)

Your phone rang suddenly. Bucky moved his head from your lap as you moved to get the phone, it was your brother who was calling you. It puzzled you, it was nearly midnight in India. "Y/N….jaldi aaja yaha… ma aur papa ki car crash ho gayi...I am so sorry, hum unhe bacha nahi paye." You went numb...The words didn’t make sense, you couldn’t make sense of them... Ma papa? No, no this can't be happening. You...you just talked to your mom a few hours ago! Bucky’s arms wrapped around you, holding you so close. He whispered some words into your ear trying to soothe you. But you couldn’t hear them, your mind just kept repeating your brother’s words inside your head like a mantra. That’s when the tears fell, soaking Bucky’s shirt. You didn’t remember you screamed. 

Paas Aaiye Ki Ham Nahin Aaenge Baar-Baar

Baahen Gale Men Daal Ke Ham Ro Le Zaar-Zaar

Aankhon Se Phir Ye Pyaar Ki Barsaat Ho Na Ho (Come closer to me, as I will not be able to come to you every time. Put your arms around me and let us cry our hearts out. Who knows, if our eyes will ever see these tears of love again.)

You couldn’t imagine what you would be without Bucky, your Bucky. He was your rock, You couldn't live a day without him. From the day you confessed your love for each other till today, not a day has gone where he wasn't showering you with love. Even through all his trauma and pain, he did his absolute best to be there for you, his sweet, sweet Y/N.

Shaayad Phir Is Janam Men Mulaaqaat Ho Na Ho

Lag Ja Gale Ki Phir Ye Hassin Raat Ho Na Ho

Shaayad Phir Is Janam Men Mulaaqaat Ho Na Ho

Lag Ja Gale Ki Phir Ye Hassin Raat Ho Na Ho (Maybe, in this life, we may or may not meet again. Embrace me dear for this beautiful night may not come again)

Remembering the past left you in an emotional mess, you didn't even realise when the waterworks started.

"Chaand? Hey, no shhh why are you crying? Is everything okay? Talk to me."

"Bucky?"

"Haan chaand?"

"Promise me that you will never leave me." You uttered in a broken whisper

"I promise."

He broke that promise. Bucky Barnes broke his promise and left his chaand. It happened so fast, the Avengers fighting Thanos, and suddenly everyone turning into dust.

You felt helpless and scared, numb and cold. what was happening? Bucky had told you to not come out of the palace unless told. He didn't want you to be in harm's way. No, his Y/N was too precious, he can't risk it. You reluctantly agreed, but you weren't of much use on the battlefield anyway. You just hoped your love would return to you very soon.

Steve broke the news, and your whole world collapsed in front of your eyes.

"Steve, no..no it can't be... please tell me you are lying. This isn't the time to joke around! Where is he!?" you couldn't help but scream at him. All your dreams, hopes and future with Bucky shattered. He was gone, in just a snap.  It couldn’t be real, this was a sick joke. that had to be it. A sick joke…

But deep inside, you knew it was real. All of it was real. The world around you seemed to crumble, all of it came down, it was as if someone let a glass cup fall and it shattered in a million pieces. Unable to be put back together again…

Now you had no one, no mom and dad, no Bucky...He was your rock wasn't he? He wasn't supposed to go...

After a few days, Steve offered to take you to America with him. The least he could do for his pal was to make sure the girl who had his heart was taken care of. But you couldn't go, it was too painful. Brooklyn will always remind you of Bucky, and you promised him when the time came to go back to his home, you will go together. No, unlike him Y/N L/N knew how to keep her promise.

You went back to India, to start a new life. A miserable one. If only you would have known that the last song you’ve sung to him would come true. 

You never sang your mother's favourite song again

Tagging - @spiderrpcrker @a-dragon-under-the-stars @lil-stark @jacquessouvenier @soradragon (I hope you won't mind me tagging you!) And I also hope you liked it :))

Translations (please let me know if I forgot to translate something) -

Chaand - Moon (an affectionate term in this context)

Acha - Really (in this context, it can mean many things otherwise)

"Y/N….jaldi aaja yaha… ma aur papa ki car crash ho gayi...I am so sorry, hum unhe bacha nahi paye." - "Y/N please come fast here, mom and dad were in an car crash, I am so sorry but we couldn't save them" (ma = mom, papa = dad)

Haan - yes

[nothing-but-dreamy]

FOREVER

Pairing: FFXV!NYX ULRIC x FEM!READER

Words: 2.331

Warnings: fluff, hurt-comfort

"Having a new girlfriend there?", Libertus teased what earned him a slap against his arm from Crowe.

"No, guys. That's Yn. She's ... She arrived here in Insomnia yesterday.", Yamachang introduced the small woman next to his side, "Please, be nice to her."

Yn felt nervous as the group of friends stared at her. Five pairs of eyes were looking expectant as if she had to tell a big story about herself. Just one pair of eyes was different. The eyes of the guy with the name Nyx made her speechless. It was their intensity that caught her attention. The handsomeness of the man kept her in his unspoken spell.

"Where do you come from, Yn?", Crowe asked softly as she saw how nervous the young woman seemed to be in front of a bunch of strangers.

Yn smiled softly, thankful to get distracted, "Galahd. I'm from Galahd."

***

It didn't need much time til Yn was a big part of the group of friends. Pelna, Libertus, Crowe and Luche included her immediately. Making her feel welcomed. Nyx did the same with the difference that, within a very short time, Yn was far more for him than just a friend. She was home.

Whenever he saw her, Nyx' heart made a little jump because, in a bitter-sweet, beautiful way, she reminded him of what he had lost. It was as if she had taken everything from the island to store it inside of her. Piece by piece, she released parts of it. Her voice was like the wind in the trees. Her laugh was like the singing of the birds. Her smile was as bright as the endless sky. And her eyes were sparkling like the open sea on a fresh summer day.

Every day, after his shift with the Glaives, Nyx was eager to go to Yamachang's with the hope to meet Yn again. Just to be in her presence gave him comfort because her character was so light and easy to have around. And that was everything Nyx allowed to himself: to have her around him with the others because he was far away from being the right man for her.

Every evening, when the Glaives came, Yn looked out for Nyx and smiled shyly at him when he passed her. But one evening was different. The others were already there but Nyx was nowhere to be seen.

"Nyx comes a bit later.", Crowe said low, stepping next to Yn as she saw her searching glance, "He... He works at the gate watch at the moment."

"Oh, why?", Yn asked, frowning why he did this unusual job. Every refugee learnt quickly how the gate watch was thinking of outsiders.

"Well... as punishment. During our last fight at the wall, he ignored our Captain's orders. If he wouldn't have done that, some of us would be dead now.", Crowe explained before she went back to Pelna to ask him something.

Yn dwelled on what Crowe had told her and as Nyx showed up finally, her heart made a jump as her eyes landed on the hero.

"Nyx the gatekeeper. Tell me, how's the new post treat you.", Pelna asked even if he knew the answer already.

"The gate watch are real sweethearts. You would love it.", Nyx said sarcastically and brought Yn back to reality from her day dreaming.

"Yeah, everyone knows that they hate us outsiders.", Pelna said and thanked Yn with a smile as she gave him a new drink.

Yn turned over to Nyx and looked at him. She smiled beautifully as their eyes met. And he smiled back softly like always, taking the drink from her she offered him. But he did nothing more. It wouldn't be fair to drag her into his chaotic life. No matter how much he wanted someone next to him. To have someone just for himself. Who would care for him more than just as a friend. Someone who would be there for him. But he couldn't demand from Yn to live a life of pain and uncertainty just so he wouldn't be lonely. Even when she represented everything he was searching for.

***

Then, one evening, a few days later, Yn waited til the night that Nyx would show up at Yamachang's but he stayed away. Pelna told her not to worry too much. Nyx was still working at the gate and maybe he had a rough day. But Yn worried because she liked the greyish haired Glaive so much. So, she asked Yamachang for a bunch of meat skewers, wrapped them and as the friends were gone, she made her way through the underground to reach his place.

It wasn't far away but with each step, Yn noticed how her hands became sweaty and she became nervous. It was the first time to visit him and as she knocked, Yn already considered what she was doing but then, there was no turning back as she heard footsteps behind the door.

As Nyx opened the door, he expected Libertus or Crowe. But the last he expected were the bright eyes and wide smile he loved to see so much, "Yn? What are you doing here?", Nyx asked surprised.

Yn, who was always a bit nervous around Nyx, gnawed on her lower lip, "Y-you weren't at Yamachang's tonight.", she said low, casting her eyes to the ground.

Nyx scratched the back of his neck. To stay away had been a hard decision but he noticed how he started to fall for the young woman, so he wanted to keep some distance from her, "Yeah... I... I wasn't in the best mood. I just wanted to be alone.", he lied and felt bad as he saw that she believed him.

Yn's eyes grew a bit bigger as she realized that she had done the wrong thing, "Oh... Oh... Uhm... I- I'm ... Okay, then I will leave you alone again. Sorry for bothering you.", she stammered and noticed her cheeks turning pink. Understanding that the idea had been stupid after all, Yn turned over to leave.

Nyx knew he should let her go, it would be the easiest way, but as he saw her sad, disappointed expression, he couldn't watch her walk away like this, "No! Please, wait. You're not bothering me. I was just surprised... I have just don't expect you here.", he said with a soft smile as he saw her stopping.

Yn looked down at the small package in her hand, "Yeah, about that... I brought you some food. I thought you might be hungry.", she said and looked carefully at him.

Nyx was taken aback about the fact that she cared so much about him, "That's so nice from you.", he said and watched amazed how a beautiful smile spread on her lips and before Nyx could stop himself he spoke again, bubbling out the question he had in mind, "You... Do you wanna come in?"

Yn was surprised about his invitation but she agreed. Happily, she watched how Nyx seemed to devour the food in one go as if he hadn't eaten in years. Nyx had placed Yn into his comfortable arm chair, the only neat place he could find for her before he sat on his bed to eat.

While letting him eat, Yn looked through the room. Her eyes landed on the pictures of his family and felt sadness for his loss. She knew how he felt, being in the same position as him as she had come to Insomnia. She also had lost her family, her home and was alone. Yn was thankful for Yamachang and that he had introduced her to his friends. But as she watched Nyx, the feeling of being more than just friends with him increased even more.

So, as it became late and she was about to leave Nyx' place to go home, Yn took all her courage to try her luck, "Nyx, I... I- I like you.", she said softly, stopping at the door where Nyx wanted to say goodnight.

"I like you, too.", Nyx said casually, not thinking about what she really meant.

Once again, Yn became nervous as she looked up at him, "N-no, I-I- I mean I like you.", she said more meaningfully.

"But, I.... Oh...", Nyx breathed as he realized. She had said what he wanted to hear and yet, it was the last thing he should hear from her considering the fact that he didn't see himself as worthy of her.

"Yeah...", Yn said low and looked away from his intense glance.

There were the things Nyx wanted to say desperately and then, there were the things he should say, "Yn...", he sighed, annoyed more about himself, "You shouldn't like me that way.", he said low.

Yn looked up, "Why not?", she asked impulsively before she realized what Nyx meant, "Oh, I see... You don't feel the same. I... Uhm... Okay.", she said crestfallen and just wanted to leave, getting away from Nyx and his handsome face.

As Nyx saw her like this, his heart dropped and even if it would be the best to let her go, he couldn't do it like this, "Yn, wait. It's not because of you.", he said softly.

"Sure. What a cliché.", Yn said low, not looking at him.

Nyx took a breath, "No, just wait. Yn, you're wonderful, beautiful, lovely... you're gorgeous but ... I'm a Glaive. This life is nothing you would deserve. Not after everything you went through. Nothing would be certain with me. You would fear for my life whenever I wear this uniform. You would have sleepless nights because you don't know if I'm still alive or not during a battle. We would fight often because you ask me to quit the job and I would say no. I would feel bad for making you sad because I couldn't change it. And even if no one else sees it, I'm broken. I have nightmares and flashbacks at random times. Why would you want to deal with a guy like me?"

"Because I think you're worth it.", Yn said, seeing that her words hit the man in front of her.

Insecurity was written in Nyx' eyes but there was also hope. Hope that she really meant what she just said.

Yn stepped forward by the sight of his emotion-filled eyes, "I can't heal your wounds and I can't stop your nightmares but I can comfort you. I can be there for you when you need someone to cling to. I could be there for you when you need someone to bring you back from your flashbacks. Of course, I would worry for you when you're out there because I want you to come back into my arms. I would try to get you away from the Glaives even if I know I would never be successful. And that's okay. That's how you are. But I wouldn't stop trying. I wouldn't stop fighting. You know why I would do all this? Because I don't see any flaws in you. For me, you're the nicest, most handsome and most perfect guy I have ever seen. Your eyes are the bluest and wildest, matching the deepest ocean. When you talk, I could listen to you for hours. Your lips are the ones I'm craving for to taste, at least just once. I would admire every single scar on your body because they're the signs of your endless strength, devotion and determination. You might not see yourself as perfect. But you don't have to. Because I see you like this.", she stopped her speech with a pounding heart. While still looking into his eyes, she gnawed on her lower lip before she added, "Let me love you, Nyx. You don't have to be alone. Let me in your life and I promise I will try to make it easier for you.", she whispered and waited for his reaction. She had said everything on her mind. Everything she always thought when she saw him. Now, it was his turn to react.

A single tear slipped from Nyx' eyes and rolled along his cheek. Yn raised her hand slowly to brush it away with her thumb. Just this small touch kindled a roaring fire inside of him. Still overwhelmed that someone thought about him like this, he stepped forward, cupping her face softly in fear she could break under his hands before he connected their lips for a desperate kiss.

Yn's fingers found their way into his shirt to get hold as Nyx' reaction took her by surprise. The hero kissed her with such a force that her breath hitched in her throat but she didn't even care. The only thing she wanted was to have the man even closer. Slowly, she stroked from his chest down to his hips and over them to his back to slip her hands underneath the fabric of his shirt to feel his skin.

As Nyx felt Yn's nails digging softly into his skin, he backed away for some air. Panting, he leant his forehead against hers with closed eyes while his heart was racing in his chest, "Can you stay? Forever?", he whispered shakily.

"Actually, my plan was to bring you food so you wouldn't be starving but yeah, I think I can manage to stay forever as well.", she whispered and was happy to hear a soft chuckle escaping his lips.

"I was already starving and then you came along, making me happy just with your being.", Nyx whispered, looking her into the eyes, "And now, you turn into the reason why I always want to come back home. Obviously, now, I have to be a bit more cautious.", he whispered before he embraced her, burying his nose into the crook of Yn's neck to inhale her scent and to bring her even closer.

Bursting with joy, Yn flung her arms around the hero's chest, snuggling against him with the promise to never let him go.

[theimpossiblehologramtree]

Making Queen members flower crowns would include

Pairing: Queen members x reader

Word count: (altogether) 1800+

Warnings: some sickening fluff, oh and swearing but that’s a standard, some slightly suggestive themes in john’s (implied sex) but nothing accually happens except a kiss

A/N: Hello you beautiful people! I’m back (don’t get used to that tho lol) I thought of this two years ago when i first saw Bohemian Rhapsody (SO 2 FUCKING YEARS AGO). Freddie’s is gender neutral. I tried to add a “keep reading” button but I’m not sure it works tbh because this hell of a side never cooperates.

Please keep in mind that English is not my first language.

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Gifs aren’t mine. Credits to the owners.

Brian May

You were laying on Brian's lap, the sun hitting your face pleasantly. This week the weather was nice and warm, which was something extremely unusual in England, so the two of you decided to head out to the country and have a little picnic.

After what felt like hours spent in the car ("Brian, for Christ's sake, would you open the bloody window, I can't breathe!" and "Bri, I love you, but if we don't get there in five minutes, I'm going to murder you, I swear") you finally found a nice clearing, where you could relax and forget about the stresses of city life.

Brian put down a blanket on the grass, near a small stream that flew through the forest. He brought the bag with food and drinks (you didn't have a basket, so you had to improvise). 

You quickly put some sunscreen on your face and laid down, keeping your head propped on Brian's lap. He put a hat over his face and fell asleep, his chest rising steadily. 

After some time (that fucking wasp didn't let you sit in one place), you stood up and noticed many beautiful flowers, growing on a nearby bush. You got lost in picking up the most beautiful ones, admiring each one carefully. When you got enough, you sat back down and started tying the stems together.

Suddenly you got an idea. Careful not to wake him up, you began sticking the flowers in Brian's dark curls. 

Your now decorated boyfriend woke up and stretched, not noticing the colourful addition to his hair. This made you chuckle softly, but you decided to see how long it would take him to realize.

+"What is it, babe? Do I have something on my face?"

"No, Bri, I just remembered a funny joke, that's all."

"Oh tell me, then."

"What’s the difference between a lawnmower and an electric guitar?"

"Hm?"

"You can tune a lawnmower!"

You both enjoyed the rest of the day swimming in the stream, sunbathing and eating the snack you brought. And Brian somehow still didn't notice.

Until it was time for you to get home.

You got in the car ("Open the window now, it's like in the oven in here!") and Brian looked into the rear-view mirror.

+"Hey, (Y/N), what the fuck is that? I love it."

Roger Taylor

So honestly it would probably happen during one of his concerts.

You were backstage watching the show, enjoying every second of it. Freddie was in the middle of shouting some (very inappropriate) compliments to Brian's ass, slapping his buttcheeks. The crowd immediately went wild hundreds of fans screamed in unison. You chuckled under your breath, flashing a white smile at your beloved boyfriend Roger and his bandmates. You felt an arm wrap around your shoulders. Surprised, you turned around, your eyes meeting Mary's.

+"What's up, kiddo?" she smirked and patted your back.

"Oh, nothing much. Just Freddie being Freddie," you replied, making both of you erupt with laughter.

Suddenly you felt a familiar feeling form in the pit of your stomach. Out of nowhere, your hands became shaky, your breath shallow and quick. Feeling like you need some fresh air, you excused yourself.

+"Are you sure you're okay, (Y/N)?" Mary watched you carefully, her hand supporting you in case you fainted.

"Yes, Mary, I just need some fresh air. I'm extremely tired, and I haven't eaten anything since this morning" you reassured your friend. "I'm just gonna sit outside for a while."

"Do you want me to come with you?" she asked, still not convinced about your well-being.

"Yes, I wouldn't want to spoil the gig for you. I'll be back before you know it" you squeezed her hand and, after promising her to be careful, you headed outside.

You took a walk alongside the small patch of lawn beside the exit. After taking a couple of deep breaths, you noticed some daisies grow in the green grass. Without thinking much, you sat down and started picking them up and tying their stems together.

Your fingers worked quickly, making a beautiful flower crown, mindlessly.

Meanwhile, on stage, the boys were singing She makes me - a song that reminded Roger of you. He quickly glanced to his right, expecting to see your beautiful figure standing with Mary. But, much to his surprise, he couldn't see you anywhere. It was no secret that his eyesight was shit but, bloody hell, it wasn't that bad. His blue eyes were searching for you, frantically.

When the song ended, he quickly motioned to Freddie to take a quick break, while he went to check up on you. He practically sprinted to Mary, almost knocking down his drumkit and John.

+"You dumb fuck, watch where you're going, Rog!"

Usually, Roger would reply with some snarky comment, but at that moment he really didn't care. When he reached Mary, he didn't even need to ask her about you. 

+"She's outside. Needed some fresh air" the girl shooked her head towards the exit. 

Roger quickly walked outside, knowing that he couldn't stall the audience for too long. But at the same time, he must have made sure you were all right.  

He got out of the building and searched for you. He spotted to sitting on a small patch of grass, holding a pretty flower crown in your hands. His heart ached at this sight. 

+"Hello, love" he whispered, kneeling next to you. "Are you all right?"

"Yes, I am, Rog" you kissed his cheek. "I just felt a bit off, that's all." 

You felt your boyfriend press a kiss to your hair. You smiled at the feeling, leaning into his touch. 

You finally placed the finished flower crown on his head, brushing away loose strands of sweaty hair from his face, your hand gently brushing his temple. He took your tiny hands in his and kissed your fingers.

+"Do you wanna go back in there, sweetheart?" he asked sweetly, looking deeply into your eyes.

You nodded and pecked his lips, "Of course, Rog, I wouldn't want to miss any more of your show."

He smiled and lead you inside, placing his hand on the small of your back. You returned to Mary and wished your boyfriend good luck. 

Roger kept the flowers on his head throughout the whole gig, sending you a dashing smile and winking at you every now and again.

I just think Roger would look sososo pretty in a flower crown.

John Deacon

It was a lovely afternoon in London. You and your fiancé John decided to take a walk after the whole day in the studio, recording songs.

Taking a walk in a nearby park was a great way to destress and release the tension accumulated during the day. It was something John realized pretty early on in your relationship and took full advantage of it. He loved wandering along the pebbled pathways that swirled around beautiful trees and bushes full of colourful flowers. Being in the presence of nature made him feel at ease and helped him relax.

But the real reason why he enjoyed your walks so much was you. He adored seeing your face light up with joy when you saw a squirrel run up a branch of an old oak or when you spotted a particularly beautiful fish in the small pond. He could watch you pick up fallen leaves for ages and hear you talk to little kids in a playground, showing them the shiny rocks you collected along the way.

To be honest, he always dreamt about starting a family with you and seeing you get along with kids so well only increased that desire.

Often after a walk, he was in the mood™, which, considering his shy nature, always took you by surprise.

Oh man, he just loved taking a walk in the park.

And today was no different.

You were walking hand in hand, admiring the blossoming flowers. Occasionally, you would stop and pick them up, making a small bouquet in the process. White daisies, pink clovers and blue forget-me-nots accumulated with every step you took.

John was telling you about the new idea he had for a song, kissing your cheek every now and again.

Listening to him, you started to fiddle with the flowers, tying them in knots. After a while ("And then, I think, we could include a gong, you know?") you were done with your creation.

You put the flowers on John's head and kissed his temple.

+"What's that, darling?" he asked you, surprised.

"Nothing, but I think you look sensational, my love" you replied, smiling innocently.

You felt John's hand bring you closer to him. He kissed you, entangling his long and incredibly skilled fingers in your hair. The kiss soon turned into more heated one.

+"I'll show you how sensational I really am, pretty girl."

Freddie Mercury

So with Freddie, it was probably at one of his parties.

He invited you along to have a drink with him and his bandmates.

You usually weren't the one for big and loud parties, but he kept asking you and you gave in.

+"Oh okay, Fred, I'll do it," you said after the twentieth time he had asked you.

"Fantastic, (Y/N)!" he exclaimed, loudly clapping his hands. "Just remember to wear a costume."

But you didn't really want to dress up in fancy dresses or costumes from different eras. Calling Mary, you asked her for advice and she told you to just wear some accessories.

So before the party, you went to a small flower shop and bought a small bouquet of purple lilacs. At home, you made a flower crown, hoping that dressing up as a nymph would be enough.

When you got to Freddie's house, you were greeted by a crowd of people in colourful skirts and suits with fashionable patterns. That's when you found Freddie, Roger, Brian and John, chilling on a couch with their dates.

+"Oh, (Y/N), you look marvellous, darling!" exclaimed Freddie dressed as a king, while he stood up to embrace you in a warm hug.

"Thank you, Fred, I made it myself" you smiled shyly.

You got some champagne and joined the conversation.

Suddenly, you felt a pat on your shoulder, and, when you turned around, you saw Freddie holding out a hand to you, asking you to dance with him. You gladly accepted and got up. 

+"I really meant it, darling. You do look marvellous tonight" he whispered in your ear.

"Thank you, Freddie, you can have it if you'd like" you sent him a warm smile.

You took off his golden crown and set it aside. Gently taking off the flower crown from your head, you placed it on top of Fred's. He beamed at you and put his own crown on top of your head.

+"Now you rule here, darling."

taglist

[nctseren]

❝ For a long time, love was unattainable for her. She wrote, sang and dreamed about it, but she had never been truly in love.

The truth is that, and although she denies it, Kang Sohee is a hopeless romantic and she always has been. She often dreamed of meeting the right person and doing everything right so that love would last... and not fade like her parents' love.

However, love is strange and it does not come easy. She has learned that you can meet thousands of people and yet none of them will make you feel the things that you are supposed to feel.

She has also learned that you can mistake love. And as much as it hurts and breaks your soul, there are people you were born to love, and there are others you were not.

So, Seren doesn't have much experience in romance. And she's slowly learning that love and infatuation are two different things, that it doesn't have to hurt, that it should make you feel happy, and that you don't go looking for the right person, because eventually fate brings you together. ❞

⟶crush list

—WANG YONG

❝ I'm too shy to tell you how I feel.

So I'll hide behind timid smiles and soft hellos.

I'm afraid if I ask you: "what do you think of me? " your reply will be "I don't" ❞

duration of crush: 2014 — 2015

relationship: close friends, one side crush

current status: they haven't spoken in a long time but she still cares for him

their things: practicing together, sharing chocolates, him giving her books and then the next week sharing opinions about them, eating together all the time

playlist: kid in love by shawn mendes & u smile by justin bieber

Wang Yong came to SM Entertainment in late 2012 and Lee Taeyong quickly took care of him under his wing. He was quite a popular trainee, not only because of his looks, but also because of his great talent for dancing, despite his young age. He was to the younger ones what Kang Seulgi was to Sohee.

Wang Yong was a sweet guy, it was inevitable for girls not to have a crush on him, and anyone in his place would take advantage of it, but not him. He was focused on doing what he had to do: training hard. That's the reason why his only friends for a long time were only Taeyong and Hansol.

Kang Sohee (long before she was known as Seren) officially met him in late 2013, after watching him practice. They did not become friends right away, since it was not easy for him to open up to other people. However, when she became close to Taeyong, they inevitably had to become friends. And then they connected thanks to dancing, something they were both passionate about. They went from being acquaintances to partners who practiced together to friends. Then it was not only Wong Yong, Lee Taeyong and Ji Hansol, now it was also Kang Sohee.

2014 was a rough year for her, starting from the loss of her grandparents to learning that she was not going to debut with Red Velvet. It was the most difficult year for her in all that time locked up, but her friends were with her. And he didn't go unnoticed, no matter how hard he tried. He always carried an extra portion of food for her, left her books that he thought she would like and always pretended not to learn the choreography so that she could teach him and in that way distract her mind by doing what she likes the most.

It really wasn't difficult to like Wang Yong, he was sweet and a good boy. Soon she found herself thinking that she really liked the way he wrinkled his nose when he laughed, or how his eyes sparkled when someone complimented him and, most of all, the way he tilted his head when he was confused. And then every time he looked at her she felt something in her stomach (and no, she had thought the first time she felt it, it can't be diarrhea), her cheeks would blush and it was difficult for her to keep look at him.

He was her crush for a few months and suddenly their interactions were shy smiles and sharing chocolates. Until he was no longer making her feel like she was flying. He meant a lot to her because not only he was her first butterflies in her stomach, he was also one of her close friends and one of the most supportive.

Sometimes she still thinks about him, what is he doing? how is he doing? what it would have been like if he had debuted in NCT instead of her? SM Entertainment did not treat him well, apparently his voice was not good enough, in the future they had told him. All she knows is that he returned to his home in China, and all she hopes is that he's truly happy.

—MARK LEE

❝ There's a boy I like.

He smiles so bright and my heart can't take it.

There's a boy I like.

We both love the same things.

There's a boy I like.

I think about him all the time.

There's a boy I like.

He's my best friend. ❞

duration of crush: 2017 — early 2018

relationship: bandmates, best friends, crush

current status: bandmates, best friends, partners in crime

their things: holding hands, sharing songs, singing, rapping, dancing together, telling jokes, listening to music, trying to teach her basketball, teaching him to play futboll soccer, doing karaoke

playlist: the one that got away by katy perry & walk you home by nct dream & everything has changed by taylor swift & catching feelings by justin bieber & whenever you are by 5sos

For a long time, Mark was the closest thing to a best friend that she had. They practically grew up together (and are still growing). They wouldn't exactly tell each other everything, but they did trust each other. And every day, especially when they missed home, they would get together to tell their funniest childhood stories, and then listen to music for the rest of the time, enjoying each other's company.

Maybe that's what made her have feelings for him. Maybe it was the inside jokes, the laughs, the songs, maybe it was all together.

It was different, of course. It didn't feel at all like her first crush. No, it was definitely stronger, because they were Mark and Seren — everyone was talking about Mark and Seren: NCT's 99 line, best friends.

Liking Mark was a fresh feeling, no discomfort, no obvious blushes, no big butterflies either. No, liking Mark was being at peace. Being comfortable in his presence, hearing him sing, sharing smiles, doing mischief together, it all felt too good... almost like she was born for it.

And maybe she was born to love Mark, but in another life. Because on this one Mark Lee and Kang Sohee were just best friends. And although at nights she sometimes dreamed of his eyes, the same ones that hold thousands of stars, in the morning she reminded herself that nothing could change the friendship they had.

That's one of the reasons why she didn't do anything about it, that and because she didn't want to ruin all their efforts just for a crush.

It was difficult for her, because months passed and she kept thinking about him. Until eventually she stopped seeing him in a romantic way, his hugs stopped making her feel things (things you're not supposed to feel for a friend) and at night his eyes and laughter stopped appearing.

Now that time has passed, she realizes that staying best friends with him is a hundred times better than a possible relationship with him. And she prays, Oh, she prays that Mark Lee's future partner can love and appreciate him as much as he deserves... As much as she could have.

⟶dating list

—MOONBIN

❝ I enjoy our time together. And your laugh, your voice, your kisses. I enjoy you.

We may not be in love and that's okay for us.

Because what matters right now is that we're both having fun. ❞

public knowledge: private (only friends)

duration of relationship: march 2018 — april 2018

relationship: fling

current status: friends

their things: hanging out with friends, kisses, supporting each other, hugs

playlist: we are young by fun feat janelle monaé & locked out of heaven by bruno mars

They met at some awards and immediately they knew there was attraction, so they exchanged phone numbers and soon found themselves talking every single day.

They both knew what it was and what they wanted, to be young and have fun.

Those two months sometimes felt like an eternity, because they genuinely had a good time together. There was always fun, affection and, most importantly, sincerity.

They both knew it was meant to be over, so they enjoyed it.

Having fun with Moonbin felt like riding the drop tower: they weren't afraid of it, they just felt the adrenaline and fun you feel being up there in the air. But just as fast it goes up, it also goes down. And even though in the end you seem to want more, you know enough was enough.

—WOOSEOK

❝ I loved you as Icarus loved the sun — too close, too much. ❞

public knowledge: private for three months until their members found out

duration of relationship: july 2018 — january 2019

relationship: kind of dated, never really had a "tittle"

current status: acquaintances, they don't really talk anymore

their things: secret dates, midnight calls, back hugs, kisses

playlist: sweet creature by harry styles & the scientist by coldplay & the end of love by florence + the machine & it will rain by bruno mars

Kang Sohee and Jung Wooseok were never in love, but they might as well have been.

They met in mid-2018 thanks to a close friend, and the physical attraction was so immense that without thinking they both decided to give it a try. It was all very fast, but the result had been good. They were something, no tittle, yet they didn't care because they were okay with that.

Their relationship was like trying a new dish, they didn't know what to expect: they didn't know if it would be sweet or salty, everything was so different. But they had liked it. They spent a good time together, sometimes hiding from their members, it was a little secret that only the two of them knew.

They loved what they had. Midnight calls, secret dates, just sneaking around their members backs like that. It was exciting and fun. They were young people enjoying themselves.

Until it became real. Too real.

Suddenly they weren't just missing each other's presence, but they craved for their touch and kisses.

It was almost like an obsession. Every time they were together they felt intoxicated. They needed more, they wanted more.

And that wasn't healthy nor they where ready for that.

So, because they cared about each other, they put a stop to it. God knows that if they had stayed together, they would have burned.

—THE8

❝ The Ego asked:

'What is Love? It's too big of a word for me. I don't understand it at times.'

The Soul replied:

'If you understand Kindness

If you understand Respect

If you understand Acceptance

Then you will understand Love.' ❞

public knowledge: private (only members and close friends)

duration of relationship: december 2019 — present

relationship: acquaintances to friends to lovers

current status: in love, best friends

their things: nose, forehead and cheek kisses, showing her his art, painting together, taking pictures, listening to music, dedicating songs, slow dancing, hype man! hype woman!, writing songs about each other, domestic dates

playlist: love someone by lukas graham & ily by the rose & common by zayn & have you ever been in love? by the ivy & love somebody like you by joan & sunday morning by maroon 5 & natural by zayn

Falling for Xu Minghao was like breathing, so natural, so effortless, without realizing it.

They met in 2018 and for a year they were just acquaintances: their bandmate's friend. There were few interactions, maybe greetings and a few smiles. But when she has a very persistent Boo Seungkwan as her best friend, it was only a matter of time before she eventually became friends with the rest of them.

Being friends with Minghao is yellow, like observing the sunset. It's relaxing, enthusiastic, supportive, positivity, happiness...

It was an unexpected friendship but suddenly they were sharing songs, painting together and hanging out a lot more than with their original friends. Soft laughs, little jokes, looks full of adoration — it was so obvious that there was something there, they could feel it and everyone could see it. And still it took almost a year for them to take the risk. Was it really mutual or were they just imagining it?

He was the first to take the step, because even if it was all in his head at least he would be at peace knowing that he tried and didn't just let her go.

It was silly, really, how much they wanted to be together and how much they doubted.

Loving Minghao is comforting, honest, understanding, compassion, teamwork, sometimes overwhelming, and a new feeling that completely scares her because she has never been in love or in a serious relationship, yet she is sure of one thing: discovering those feelings with him was her best decision.

[moomindust]

Today I saw my ex's brother, sister in law and nephew, and although we stopped for a very brief catch up it made me sad that my ex's nephew didn't remember me. I met him just after he was born and I'd often see him and I loved him just like he was my nephew. That then got me thinking about the people I missed who are no longer in my life as they're my ex's family or friends, and how I've more than likely been made out to be the bad guy to all these people without them hearing my side of the story.

Me and my ex were together almost 8 years. We lived together and were engaged, but things hadn't been right with us for a long time. We'd argue daily. He'd push me until I turned into this angry, anxious person who I didn't recognise. It was only towards the end of the relationship that I realised he'd been gaslighting me for years.

It started off as small comments. He'd have a dig about things like my singing (I'm aware I'm no Mariah Carey) or how certain clothes made me look 'frumpy'. He went through a period of pinching me all the time, and although I'd tell him to stop because it hurt he wouldn't listen and say 'I'm not doing it hard, it can't hurt'. Everything was a joke to him, always at someone else's expense. He'd make jokes about my weight or how my eyebrows looked (I have trichotillomania so I'm sensitive about my lack of eyebrows).

I remember confronting him one day about a girl he knew from a nightclub because he'd been messaging her. He denied anything had happened. Towards the end of our relationship he told me that he was close to leaving me for this said girl during a time when I was suffering badly with my mental health.

I've had mental health issues from a young age and looking back I can see how unsupportive he was of my needs during my bad days. For anyone that has depression/anxiety you'd know that some days all you want is to stay in bed and be alone. If we'd have plans I'd sometimes have to pull out because I didn't have the energy to be social. This made him angry. He'd accuse me of being selfish and would go out and ignore me all day. I was always the one left apologising no matter what. In fact, he's never to this day given me a proper apology for anything. "I'm sorry, but..." is not a real apology.

One day he staged an 'intervention' for me. Unbeknownst to me he'd rung my parents and got them to travel to Hull and for his mum to come over. I walked in to them all sat around waiting for me. He'd told them my mental health was an issue and I needed to go on medication. I wasn't so much against medication, I'd been on it in the past, I just didn't want to rush into taking it. Somehow during that 'intervention' he'd got me to agree to call the doctors and get antidepressants. From then onwards if I was ever upset, annoyed or angry about anything, which are normal human emotions for a person with or without depression, his response would be 'have you taken your meds?' He'd also say 'you'll never find anyone as good as me' whenever we argued and I'd actually believe him!

At the back end of our relationship we had a lock down because of the pandemic. He was off work but luckily I'd managed to find a job so was working full time, 12 hour shifts days and nights. While I was at work I'd ask him to feed our pets or wash up. I never asked for anything much as I felt I might overload him. He'd never do it, which meant that after my shifts I'd get home and have to do EVERYTHING. I told him on several occasions that I felt like I was going to have a breakdown as I was physically and emotionally exhausted. He never listened or changed. Infact, he'd started doing a wrestling podcast with his friend, so devoted most days to that, which meant after my shifts I'd be confined to the bedroom as he'd taken over the room filming. I wasn't allowed in or out while he filmed. I sat in the bedroom alone with no TV, just my phone for company.

It was around this time that I'd started talking to an American man online. He was supportive and made me feel wanted and I ended up falling for him. It was wrong of me. Although we never met, I cheated on my ex. Do I regret it? No. I believe everything happens for a reason and this gave me the push I needed to move out on on with my life without my ex. HOWEVER, I do regret the hurt caused to my ex when he found out. I've always hated cheating and don't condone it in any way BUT after years of being made to feel like a useless, damaged person that no one would want other than the person I was with at the time, it made me finally realise that I was worthy of love.

So I guess this post is my confession letter as to what was going on for all those years. I know a lot of my friends and family still like my ex so I'm sure they'll be shocked to hear the truth. Just remember, there's always two sides to every story. The bad guy doesn't always seem so bad when the truth comes out