#and it made her feel kinda weak narratively

[pumpkinrootbeer]

Eugene was truly the best boyfriend. saw his girlfriend get broken up with, and immediately had a revenge glow up. Imagine being Cassandra seeing your ex girlfriend's boyfriend and he's wearing a golden choker with the just deepest v neck known to man, the world's sluttiest gloves, and a thigh garter. I'd have to give up then and there.

[shizukateal]

Welcome Home Update (4/12/2025)

A connection I'm not seeing people make is that in the previous update Julie was cast as the protagonist of The Tell-Tale Heart and now here she is burying the black flower under the ground to cover her own self-perceived failings. But flowers (and especially tulips, which this one looks a bit like) have a tendency to resurface...

EDIT: Huh, the transcription doesn't say that... My bad, I could've sworn the transcription cleared up that she was burying the flower underground while pretending to look for the microphone. I'm very sorry for the confusion. Pity, it would've been powerful imagery, although I do think there's still a thematic relation between the two events.

Julie was always my favorite character, if only for purely aesthetic reasons (I have a weakness towards most kind pink flower girls), but this update made me feel a bit more connected to her. It's odd, as heartwrenching and kinda scary as her monologues to the flower are, I also felt a bit relieved by them. I was a bit happy that she was airing out some of her frustrations, letting her guard down and being vulnerable. To some extent the saddest part wasn't what she was saying, but the fact that neither me nor the flower could hold her hand to console her.

It's also interesting to compare this breakdown to the previous ones we saw before. Like Julie, Eddie also got frustrated when he couldn't perform his assigned role, but curiously enough this didn't make Eddie go "out of character" like her or Poppy. The horror in his update was him catching a glimpse of the artifice of his world, not being trapped in it while being a real person. I don't necessarily think it's the case, but with this and Eddie being the only one not having a consistent backstory, it's almost (BIG almost) like there's an implication that Eddie doesn't have a "real life" counterpart, not even his voice actor or puppeteer.

(EDIT: wait no, I forgot Frank doesn't have a backstory either. And he's the one who welcomed Julie when she first arrived according to her... Frank and Wally share the same voice actor IRL, but that doesn't mean they'll share the same actor in the story. Still, if that turns out to be the case, could it be that Frank doesn't have a backstory before he was created alongside Wally? Like, maybe he and Wally were supposed to be a comedic duo, so there wasn't a need to justify his existence in the premise. But then the other characters were created and Barnaby took his role as Wally's foil, but they still didn't bother to give Frank a justification in the narrative like the others. This is going out of hand for so little evidence, but still, interesting concept to sit on.)

On the other hand, Poppy's update implied that the actors where getting trapped by their performances into the world of the show, but in this update the implication is that Julie's actress wanted that. She wants to be Julie Joyful and perform her tasks and parts correctly, but at the same time Julie (the character) interprets the situation from her pov within the diegesis of the show. Or to put it simpler Julie's actress seems worried that she's not playing the character correctly while Julie is worried that she's not performing her role/job within her community correctly.

IN CONCLUSION: I love my girl <3

[kurishiri]

i’m really curious to hear what made you like alfons so much!! what was your first impression? what made you LIKE him? pls tell us 👀

i personally did not care thaaat much about him tbh idk i felt kinda iffy about him but when i saw his crazy face for the first time he honestly immediately went up a few ranks lol

i also discovered your blog shortly after elbert’s route was released and honestly that made me collect story tickets and AP like crazy in order to binge read through his route because i started to like him even more thanks to your translations!! <3

hii anon! sorry for the late reply! first of all, ty for reading my translations! im glad you could like him more through them too- its such a compliment to me 🥹🫶 i hope you may also enjoy any other translations i post too hehe

but ho boy. my first impression of him was .. actually not all that positive 😅✌️

alfons ramble below (long ish), not spoiler free orz ↓

i didnt really like how shallow he seemed ig ,, it almost seemed like he was belittling kate sometimes even with the way he spoke and idk it kinda rubbed me off the wrong way. like at least with jude, he doesnt really use pretty words as insults yk. hes honest and direct at least, so i could take jude more than alfons.

that said, i think what started to boost him up for me was how funny he was. his humor is right up my alley. like he will snatch something, knowing hes doing so, and then when questioned he will pretend he will not know and try to put the blame on roger or smth .. or like hes just got that dramatic flair, yk. and eventually i started finding it amusing that he would speak so politely, but then say stuff thats not so befitting of his “noble” status lmao and when i translate alfons, i do try to take this into consideration, bc in jp the gap between the words he speaks and the way he speaks is indeed a part of his humor! and i wanted to convey that in english.

but i think when i realized he is quite literally the most doomed by the narrative, and reading his main story and just truly understanding the character that lies beneath his facade made me fall in love with him 😭🤍 in reality, he falls pretty fast and pretty hard for kate, and he puts her first so much, he wouldnt mind getting hurt himself .. and just his development of finding a sense of comfort in reality with kate and learning to be more selfish with his own desires. the grave realization he has when he made a mistake and had let kate too close to his heart too after he had so much genuine fun with kate .. like ho alfons did you at least kith the rock before throwing at me? kith the knife before twisting it in my heart? anyway its angsty and just all really beautiful to me. and the way he so deeply desires a connection with someone, but doesnt want to burden anyone else with his curse so he feels he has to put distance .. i live for the pain and angst ueuueueu

oh and dark if! omg ong dark lwk had me in a chokehold bc wdym al keeps visiting an unconscious kate in reality to keep giving her a happy dream bc she would have a pained look on her face despite not knowing who kate is in this world 😭😭 i dont see enough ppl talking ab al’s route in that event like PLEASE the parallels between dark if and his main story has me on my knees. like how kate forgets alfons after being killed over and over in the fairytale world but has a feeling she falls in love with someone, or how when kate is on the verge of death, she makes a bet with alfons (with it being vice versa in the main story — just like a mirror!) god knows im weak for parallelism

and i think he is one of the most complex characters in the ikevil cast. i lovee the irony borne from his character that sex is used in his main story to create distance between himself and kate rather than connection. ofc this changes over time, but like in the beginning it seems that this is the case. and just how deeply his trauma affects him but still wants to help others too. al the man that you are ..

anyway sorry for my incoherent rambling but live laugh love alfons sylvatica 🪞✨✨

[scrumptiousstuffs]

Hey, I've been following you for a long time now and I've never seen you complain or rant about literally anything but I genuinely wanted to ask your honest opinion about how you felt about episode 11 of thk like yes it was emotional but I'm asking you in terms of writing and directing side like Idk why it felt rushed and I'm a firstkhao fan so for me specially their scenes felt cut short with no problem dialogues given to them and that child intercepting them was it really needed?? It was the last 2nd episode more than that the whole day was really meaningful for them considering they will literally get to spend time together after 5 freaking years !! I know I'm sounding like a child complaining about such things but we have only an episode left and I feel like we still need 3-4 episodes considering the teaser they showed for the next episode!! Okay okay I'm done with my rant but really tell me how do you stay this positive regarding fk specially

Hello Anon, Welcome to my humble abode of me fangirling over FirstKhaotung, I guess? I am quite bemused that you (or anyone really) can follow my rambling mess.

Anyway, getting back to your asked – I can see you are somehow frustrated and perhaps a tad disappointed with the “lesser screen time” for KantBison compared to FadelStyle?

Writing and Directing for THK Ep 11 (and THK in general)

I won’t pretend I know anything about what is considered good screenwriting/script or directing. I will also admit that there are several things that I am puzzled by in THK. Certainly, there are some weak characterisations and general plot lines that sometimes doesn’t make sense. E.g – Captain Christ being able to promise only 5 years in prison sentence (my eyebrows shot up when he said that lol). And what about the whole Kant having Madam Lilly on tape doing villainy-stuffs – how? Did she really keep her own villainous act on tape – because I am assuming those evidence was the one Keen got for the boys at the beginning of the episode). Or perhaps we are just meant to use our media literacy skills and connect the dots that the tape is likely from Ruerat (which the brothers have successfully hidden him somewhere for the last few days until he is conveniently needed as a leeway for Captain Christ to “help” our besties). Plus, Captain Christ just letting Kant/Style getting away when they are complicit in helping our pair of hitmen.

So, like I say, plot holes. And let’s be honest, The Heart Killers as a series were never going to be an award-winning show per se (unlike P’Aof series that has now won his 3rd? consecutive best BL series in award shows. And judging from fan reactions of Gem4th upcoming series with him, he will have another winner on hand). But see, P’Aof shows have never quite hit the mark for me (I liked ATOS, Bad Buddy enough – we don’t speak about Last Twilight in my blog lol – as far as I am aware, that show ended in Ep 10).

However, what I am feeling when I watched Jojo’s series… is me being entertained every week (even when I am crying buckets in some scenes). And this is especially true with The Heart Killers. From the start, he has made it clear the genre is romantic comedy. He also made it clear the show is the “fantasy of how gay hitmen lives”. Just from that, I know the show will not take itself too seriously.  

Plus, if you know P’ Jojo CVs, you kinda know what to expect with his series – and I will sum it up as expect the unexpected and plot twists. 3WBF – Jennie’ partner died at the end. OF – Sand kissing Nick/Top. So, I was prepared for anything when the official THK trailer drop. When I saw the BDSM scene for example – many people were disappointed it wasn’t a “true” BDSM scene. But I personally think it added to the narrative because it showed the distrust between the 2 of them. Of course, it will be amazing for us to have another scene that will show what a BDSM with 2 partner who trust each other will be like. However, I am already impressed by how Jojo (and FirstKhaotung) successfully introduced the concept of safe word/basic BDSM etiquette to the largely conservative Thai audience (and while THK won legions of international fans, I am again reminding people when directors/Thai production houses produced BL shows, it is first and foremost catered for Thai audiences). Or what about the way the safe word is later used in a different, non-sexual manner between KantBison – this to me, gives depth (and again, unexpected twist!) to the writing of the show.

As for Ep 11 specifically – I think there were again some parts that can be improved but overall, it is a wonderful episode that contrast beautifully between our 2 couples while also highlighting how our 4 boys have stayed true to their characters. If there is one thing I am impressed about the script, it is how our 4 main characters stayed true to their inner personality even as we see them blossom once they fall in love. You talked about how KantBison scenes appear truncated, and they didn’t have in depth “problems” dialogues when compared to FadelStyle scenes. See, part of the “problems dialogues” as you mentioned have already been addressed during their stay in Bison’s island – in fact, I will argue Ep 8-9 were particularly focusing on those – from Kant/Bison talking about their trauma and fear, their family members/ the past and what they wished for their futures. However, we didn’t get this from FadelStyle Ep 8-9 (their scenes took a comedic tone to off set the heaviness in KantBison scenes). By end of Ep 9, Fadel’s past remains a mystery (we don’t even know much about his parents/past beyond he had an ex, which he finally told Style about).

So, I am not surprised the scenes for Fadelstyle in Ep 10-11 appears “heavier” when compared to KantBison who are now largely on the same page. We still got amazing scenes like KantBison sweet date in the rock/space museum (and again them continuing to learn about each other – Bison is into astronomy while Kant loves history and archaeology – and isn’t it poetic one loves the sky & stars while the other is rooted to the ground?). The “almost proposal scene” was sweet and yes, it is slightly irritating we have our young interloper (Oskar, you are doing great honey!) killing the mood – I think Jojo meant it as the comedic tone to cut the heaviness in FadelStyle scenes who is finally opening up to Style about how he felt about himself (the self-loathing from Fadel, the way he calmly just told Style – ‘that’s my headstone when I die’ or him telling Style why he goes to the support group meetings etc.)

And it stays true to the boys’ nature – Kant choosing Bison’s date to be lighter and fun because out of the 4 of them, Bison is the more childlike and naïve (him being hitman doesn’t change that). Similarly, it stays true to Fadel’s nature that he chooses to bring Style to his pre-dug graveyard and support group place (or being more physical – like the paintball scene, which is also a nod to the scene in 10 Things I hate about You).

And let me bring even more parallel between the 2 couples:

KantBison heartfelt conversation when Bison talked about the MilkyWay followed by Kant saying he will name a star for Bison so that the latter will be reminded of him. While Bison then softly said he just wants to be in Kant’s heart followed by the scene of them exchanging tattoos (plus Kant saying – The story of you and me will be etched on my skin forever) – that is the equivalent of them exchanging wedding vows and rings (the rings being the penguin/puffins tattoos – did you know penguin/puffins mate for life? I only learn of this fact 😂, and I find it romantic the boys chose them as their matching tattoos. Plus penguin is the safe word for Kant, I’m sure he has also associated it with home)

Similarly, the FadelStyle scene of them cooking together (with Fadel professing he wants to do something he loves with Style) and them having their last dinner meal together through tears – with Style stating he will never forget the taste of the burger. Style narrating the things he will never forget about Fadel – from being shot on the run together to them kissing each other in the sea (doesn’t that read to you like wedding vows a spouse will say before saying “I do”?). Them feeding each other their burgers is the equivalent of them feeding each other wedding cake.

And while you didn’t specifically mention this, I am also very appreciative of the scenes we have of Kant and Style – it really highlights how they are not just besties, but also brothers. The way they beautifully cornered Lilly (Kant/Style looked flawless in those outfits) to them both finding ways to have the upper hand of Captain Christ as a backup plan (Style by making the fake passports while Kant staying true to his nature – slyly obtaining blackmailed material of the captain – and it’s quite telling isn’t it even with them asking for the Captain’s help, both of them instinctively do not trust him, hehe).  Personally, my favourite scene for the whole episode is Style breaking apart in Kant’s arms while Kant is trying hard to hold it together when his heart is also shattered into pieces while their loves ones are taken to prison.

Teaser for Finale/Ep 12 and what I expect to see

Also, anon – we still have EP 12. Not only are we getting our unhinged besties volunteering in prison (unexpected twist by Jojo again!) – I am hoping we will have sex scenes from all 4 boys (or at least heavy make out scenes lol), but one of the assistant director that usually post BTS of the show actually mentioned there are so many BTS photos of FK he wants to put but he could only do so during the finale (which kind of hint that we are getting good scenes from them!)

Plus, Khaotung mentioned in the recent fanmeet, he/First will be slow dancing on stage (and don’t we have the BTS footage of our couples slow dancing in the series)?

Also, don’t forget, we still haven’t got the “sweet scene” of our boys (in their boxers) in Kant’s bed (both Jojo and First confirmed there is another scene on that bed)

Bonus if I can get actual proposals/weddings but otherwise, I will take what we have from Ep 11 as them being married, and they just need to make it official once they are out of prison.

As for your comment on THK will benefit from another 3-4 episodes – look, in general, I think most Thai BLs can benefit from more episodes (The Eclipse was meant to have 14 episodes but due to budget constraint, they had to make do with 12). That’s the reality, while the quality of Thai BLs are improving over time – compared to mainstream media in Thai (we won’t even mentioned Western media), the budgets for Thai BLs/queer media in general are limited. Even more so for the show that Jojo tends to produce. Did you realise his shows doesn’t have or very limited sponsors? (for example, we don’t see Lay chips/Oishi Teas or the boys blatantly putting on sunscreens to “promote” the sponsors of the shows?). And for that, I will forgive some inconsistencies, sloppiness and plot holes because they don’t have bottomless budgets.

***I am going to put here – when Cat for Cash starts airing – see people start complaining about the “ads/sponsors” being on blatant displays during the show when its those ads that supplement the budget for the show

Staying positive regarding FK (and BL world in general)

So, I’m not sure your last sentence has more meaning than just FK general presence in THK? Are you perhaps alluding to fans in Twitter crying war with how jobless FK is when compared to other GMTMV CPs? Or how they don’t have a reality TV show of their own? Or brand sponsorships? Or how Somsoms are not pulling their weight on trending on Twitter? (if you are, well – I have my own thoughts/views of this particular matter, which I am not going to elaborate in this ask).

But, if you are asking how I stay positive in general, I made a promise to myself – if I really dislikes something, I will give myself 24 hours before writing/saying anything I will regret🫣. And most of the time, the things I am angry about just seems trivial after that. I also block a lot of users who are just blatantly prejudice against Thai BL (ok, in general, GMMTV productions) – if you have been in the tumblr long enough, you will know a specific group that should not be named (they are my Voldemort) who prided themselves as unbiased “academics” and write long meta essays that frankly highlights their biases even more.

I also work in the medical field – and well, having to deal with anxious (sometimes very angry) patients/family members means I have abundance of patience (and when I ran out of them, I know it times for me take a holiday 😅)

Anyway, I am always reminded that we consume media for fun – don’t take things so seriously. And personally, FK being their lovely self on social media is enough to make me happy. They have never expressed any hatred/criticism towards their work/GMMTV. I also think it is quite telling that none of the Thai fans have mentioned any dissatisfaction with the scenes we have of FK or series, so far?

(Can’t resist putting up our KantBison pictures hehe)

[brialavellan]

A "Way Too Late for Anyone to Care About" Veilguard Review by Some Dude

I replayed Veilguard and now 5 months after Everyone already gave their Hot Takes, I finally feel confident enough to have some.

Spoilers for everything.

Things I Loved -

Environments:

The environments are fucking gorgeous guys. Arlathan Forest was one of my favorite levels to run around in. Treviso is what I wanted Orlais in DA:I to be. Kal-Sharok was very nice too. I think some of the armor and some things might be a bit over-designed (looking at you especially, Champion's Brilliant Regalia) but otherwise this is a very pretty game. Very pretty to look at will be a running theme.

Things I Liked -

Companions:

I really tried hard not to bog myself down in questions of whether I liked the companions or not. Or even questions of whether they were/acted "realistic" (whatever the fuck that means in a fantasy "elves-and-dragons" type of game). That's a very different quest than "were these companions well-written and did they serve the narrative"?

In this case, I think they MOSTLY* succeeded. I think every companion being tied to a faction was a good choice. I think MOST* companions had interesting arcs and I do think the writing of MOST* companions was quite strong. I don't think, like some detractors seem to, that everyone was too pleasant and nice and there was no confrontation - if so, they never got that scene with Emmrich and Taash then. Or noticed the obvious initial tension between Davrin and Lucanis.

Why do I keep saying MOSTLY? Because, as a biracial person who is ALSO transgender, Taash's entire "pick a heritage" "arc" had me halfway between groaning and seething throughout.

I have only played two romances so far and I think I chose possibly the most underwhelming one (Bellara) which gave me a negative impression overall. Emmrich's romance was much nicer in terms of feeling like there was actual content tailored to the companion that flowed nicely from initial interest to end of romance that was a nice supplement to the companion's arc. And that's what I'm looking for with any companion I romance.

Bellara's romance was adorable for the....2 scenes I got? I, again, don't want to fall in the trap of realism here or say it's wrong? Her romance scenes were good. I enjoyed her romance (what little there was). I just thought the build-up did not flow well, giving me that feeling of "I'm clicking the romance button until the sex scene pops up." And I really I don't like that feeling.

What was Hit-and-Miss -

The Gameplay

A satisfying gameplay loop seems to always take a backseat to story with Dragon Age and every game seems to be a new iteration of them trying desperately to update their mechanics to today's Current Gen "way of gaming". I've played as a mage and a rogue and somehow, someway, still end up just button mashing my way through the same fights the same way I did in Origins and DA:2. And it gets tiresome fast. I upped the difficulty to see if it made a difference and it did not. I would say it's a skill issue (quite literally, in this case), but most reviews that aren't like...IGN...say the same thing. I do enjoy the fluid animations and I ended up gravitating towards archery-heavy play with my rogue but again, it's pretty to look again but not meaty or fun.

I'm actually in favor of the hubs - I think open-world gameplay served DA:I poorly and made Corypheus feel like a distant, far-off "threat". The story line was tighter and flowed better, but the writing itself was....

What was Mostly Miss -

The Writing

I'm putting it in the "mostly was a miss" paragraph because honestly, it was so inconsistent. Some parts are incredibly strong and some parts are so weak that it kinda melds together into a generally bland narrative that has some highs (Blood of Arlathan) and some lows (Lair of the Dragon King) and includes some truly baffling choices.

I'll take a little suspension of disbelief - I know that story-wise, the Warden can't have all their companions dropping dead of Blight the first time they fight darkspawn (especially when I specced Wynne with Arcane Bomb). But Rook blowing up Blight boils and being "Blighted" as an Affliction status along with "Weakened" or "Light Armor Mastery" is pushing my suspension of disbelief to its breaking point.

Some people complained about the reactivity to previous games and I'm inclined to agree with some of it. While I truly do not think whether Bella or Lloyd owns the Redcliffe tavern or even if Feynriel is in Tevinter or not matters in the grand scheme of things, I think who is the Divine, whether the Circles are still around in Thedas, or who drank from the Well of Sorrow should have some impact. I'm also inclined to think that razing the entire South of Thedas was not the best idea.

But even the reactivity and changes to lore were weird in some ways i.e. why is the ancient elven empire full of weird Fade-Tech? We have not seen Fade-Tech before in any previous games. How is Hezenkoss tearing open the Veil and we're in the actual Fade, something that's only been done twice and was, until now apparently, A Very Big Deal?

Even the choices that were supposed to matter seemed to affect nothing but some dialogue and some codices. And even this was inconsistent.

I'm not going to touch how I personally feel my "Stop Solas at all Cost" Solas-romancing Lavellan was butchered because I haven't got through all dialogue trees and haven't seen all results but I found it weird she was pleading for mercy in the exact same way my "Redeem Solas" Trevelyan was - almost like that decision meant nothing.

What was REALLY Fucked Up -

"There's No Binary to Gender. Only Race!" - Why Taash's Rivaini vs Qunari arc was the fucking Worst*

"Why does the Indigenous Asian elf have White Guilt?" - Why it's Not a Good Look for the Ancient Elves to be Sadistic Slavers*

*Honestly, these are going to be separate posts.....I had a thing written down but after some reflection, they deserve their own posts.

As a final note: I really did not want to dislike Veilguard. I really, REALLY didn't. I even went through an entire second playthrough with a different character as divergent from my first one as possible to try and see if I just had a bad run. It just doesn't feel like a Dragon Age game in the same way the other three did.

I did not need this to game to be dark and gritty. I did not need to see elven slaves being whipped in Dock Town or to be called a fantasy slur every 5 seconds. I'm happy other people enjoyed it. I personally did not.

Anyway - that's my view. Take it or leave it.

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Also the secret ending was the stupidest fucking thing ever and I'm so glad it's tucked away only if you find those three ring codices and I'm glad Bioware will never get the chance to ruin more DA lore if they ended up following up on that bullshit - I'm treating it like a Marvel end credits cutscene but for a DC movie meaning it'll get dropped and never mentioned again when the franchise is rebooted.

[dotthings]

Some thoughts on how Dean’s mixed feelings on hunting, his yearning for other things, and the MoC arc intersect in S10:

Dean’s personhood is really strong against the mark. It can be true at the same time that eventually it would take Dean over more and more. Not because Dean’s will is weak, but because the mark is the first curse, it’s the lock to keep The Darkness out, and no human could withstand it indefinitely.

It’s a neat idea that Dean could perhaps live with it, conquer it, and weaponize it without it governing him. But that’s not the canon parameters of what the mark actually is. And this isn't a failure on Dean's part or taking away from how strong his assertions of personhood against the mark are.

The deliberately irony in S10 is that despite having a murderous, cursed mark on him, Dean is still so mindful of others, and wanting to not do harm, and still so deeply caring. He is still mostly Dean, but with moments where the mark is messing with him. But he doesn't lose himself entirely (not in the framework of this arc...I do think someday, he would).

The MoC and Dean’s arc about hunting are also intertwined, as Dean struggles against the mark, uses hunting as a distraction, and the theme of what else does Dean yearn for jumps out in relevance again in the course of this inner battle.

Dean has always had a love/hate relationship with hunting. He finds satisfaction and purpose in it and enjoys saving people, all of which are valid, and are truths. But they aren't the entire truth. Just as often, Dean has expressed yearning for other things, for what else there is for him. And there's also the series-long theme about Dean’s self-perception, his fears that he’s nothing but a killer, doomed to be drenched in blood, and die bloody.

The “comfort” of hunting for Dean is a double-edged sword. It offers him purpose, an escape, a way to process whatever is bothering him, and he gets to save people. It’s also traumatizing, miserable, demanding, exhausting, takes people he loves again and again.

In Paint It Black, the nun talks to Dean about why she became a nun—she felt she had no choice, her life had become hopeless and painful, and she needed something bigger than herself to focus on, “a mission.” She says Dean probably would have no idea what she means, she’s sure. And Dean kinda makes a knowing face and says “don’t be.”

That was acknowledgment right there that Dean himself is aware he uses the mission of hunting as solace.

Especially right then, with the mark on him, Dean keeps turning to hunting to maintain a sense of normalcy and try to fend off the mark’s impact on him, but it’s also pretty much a Dean thing throughout the series, too. The need for that gets heightened by certain events, the mark being one of them.

The nun takes solace in religion, and hunting is like a religion for Dean. It has its rituals, hunter ways, its sacraments, its tools, its sacred texts. Dad’s journal. Saving people, hunting things, the family business.

That Dean as an adult chooses to keep hunting doesn’t negate these themes about yearning, free will, choice, Dean’s self-loathing and fears.

SPN's narratives are not about idealizing hunting. It examines the appeal of it for these characters, and the reasons characters get into it, but it also is about the personal costs of it and how it piles trauma onto trauma.

Then Paint It Black gets to Dean’s confession, which starts out as a completely made up narrative about womanizing, just for the sake of the case (pro-tip, Dean’s not actually as much of a womanizer as his facades suggest), and then it morphs into a more sincere, raw confession about how he feels about his life, his wants, needs, and hopes. His wondering about more. People, feelings, he wants to experience. Dean’s not posing for a case any more, this turns into a real confession.

Which not only fits a bi reading of Dean, it’s also one of many examples where Dean expresses his yearnings for something other than just hunting.

Doesn’t have to be absolute or either/or. It’s that he is more than just the hunt.

Sam even tells Dean he knows Dean’s hiding in the mission and worried that Dean has given up due to the mark (sometimes Sam is perceptive about Dean) and that the mark will destroy him eventually, and I think Sam has a point. Cas warns Dean about the same thing, that he could withstand it for a time, but eventually take him over. While this could be unreliable narrators, with Sam and Cas, in their love and worry for Dean, expressing their fears, we see Dean slipping more and more, and we also learn that not even an archangel could withstand it. Cain lived peacefully with the mark for a time, but even he fell again, and went back to killing.

But again, this isn't a failure or weakness on Dean's part. His assertion of his sense of self against the mark, and how he subverts its will (and at other times, gives into it) is one of my favorite things about this arc.

That theme about hunting goes even deeper in The Werther Project, where Dean, under the spell of the Werther curse, hallucinates being back in Purgatory with Benny. The hallucinations that Suzie and Sam have in that episode represent their worst fears—Suzie’s ghost calls Sam out on his heedlessness and calls Sam out on being on a dark path, while Suzie hallucinates her dead family.

Dean hallucinating Purgatory and Benny are his feelings of grief and guilt over Benny jumping out, along with Dean’s fear that he’s nothing but a killer. The idea that Purgatory was the purest expression of who Dean is, and he can’t ever be anything but that killer.

All this is going down with the MoC on his arm, which intensifies it, plus the Werther curse. The curses may seem to be at odds with each other, given the mark wants Dean to continue to exist with the mark on his arm, while the Werther curse wants to goad Dean into suicide. Yet the curse's job is to protect the codex that would decode the BOTD which has the spell that could remove the mark...so maybe the curses aren't at such odds with each other after all. And they are both influencing Dean's perceptions of himself.

Hallucination Benny calls Purgatory Dean’s “happy place,” and I’ve seen this used as proof that hunting makes Dean happy and there’s no arc about Dean’s yearning for other things. But that misreads what’s actually going on in the canon.

That "happy place" comment isn't a positive thing, and hallucination Benny is leading up to something, using that as a talking point to go at Dean via his worst fears.

“This place, you don’t have to go looking for a fight…that’s the purity you crave. Killing with no consequence.”

Dean says he doesn’t want to fight anymore. He’s tired of fighting. Which is a sentiment Dean has expressed many, many times, as his exhaustion and frustration with hunting.

So the hallucination telling Dean Purgatory is his “happy place” was Dean’s subconscious mind luring him toward despair, the Werther curse playing on all his deepest darkest fears about himself. Trying to talk him into giving up.

But Dean is more than just a killer and he is more than this despair.

Dean’s own brain saves him. “The real Benny would never let me.”

And then he kills the manifestion of his darkest thoughts about himself. Rejects the narratives of hallucination Benny. He choose hope over despair.

Which…actually plays right into what the MoC wants, but it is also a genuine reflection of Dean’s force of will and his refusal to quit, which is very baked into the character.

Dean’s the strong one, too. Not just Sam. He may believe he can’t, or he’s not. But he is. Even if he can’t overcome the mark. But his personhood and his actual belief in himself is so powerful, despite all the self-doubts and self-loathing.

[bawbawbridgie]

the 'palace' scene

i have been WAITING to talk about this scene and it has finally come to it. this will be my last post in terms of the changes because i believe i have gone through them all (could be wrong).

instead of writing the whole scene (because that would make this post even longer), i decided to include an audio recording from the current broadway version (Joel Meyers & Erik Christopher Peterson 2024) and the original script. i recommend listening to it while reading the original script before reading the rest of this post.

alrighty, time to go into my thoughts. 

essentially, this scene has gone from a cute little moment between two besties having a lighthearted chat about their feelings for girls, to now a very intimate and quite emotionally vulnerable scene between them. 

removal of love interests: 

rose and scorpius’ dynamic is strictly friendship now with him only asking to be friends in which she still says no. that is a self explanatory change which results in no evidence of scorpius having romantic feelings for her. along with this, polly, another female love interest, is completely removed from this conversation. this takes away pretty much EVERY interaction scorpius has with a female interest in a ‘romantic’ way. 

now with albus; thank god no random mention of the older female professor ew. and no albus getting a girlfriend first. coincidently also removing all the lines referring to him having romantic feelings for female characters. without the statement of liking older women, it removes he emphasis on albus romantically having feeling for delphi in which we know was also changed in the scene with ginny and albus. 

now what does this do to the narrative and perception of these characters? when you remove the female love interests in this situation, it leaves a gap in the story. the gap being who do these characters now actually love?? and since this play is pretty much about ‘love can conquer all’, WHO ELSE ARE THEY MEANT TO PUT THESE FEELINGS OF LOVE ON TO OTHER THAN EACH OTHER???? you cannot deny that all these changes made are for the benefit of this relationship and puts a lot more emphasis on them and what they mean to each other. 

slight word changes: 

“marriage” to “allegiance” again relates to the removal of scorpius’ romantic feelings for female characters, completely taking away this whole part of the plot for him. like all he wants is to form a friendship with rose! platonic friends is what they are now. 

again removing “love” and changing it to “harmony” takes away the romantic feelings and just creates a nice friendship. but i do think its sooooo funny that they changed “love” to “harmony” because THAT would’ve been too far for them. as albus wants that palace with scorpius, having “love” would be confirming that they love each other. that can absolutely not happen. but aren’t they just kinda synonyms or am i stupid. also it wouldn’t be that controversial because they already used “love” as albus’ weakness WITH SCORPIUS IN THAT SCENE soooo… the creatives were just too scared to leave it the same. 

we also have the whole ‘in my head’ but we have gone through it in a previous post (https://www.tumblr.com/bawbawbridgie/748173064391557120/since-you-guys-were-begging-me-to-write-about-it?source=share). 

rose’s line is now changed to “if YOU TWO let it be weird”… WHY WOULD IT BE WEIRD???? firstly, he was only asking to be friends. and secondly, why would it be weird for albus? my boy didn’t do anything? it’s almost as if rose is implying something else? perhaps her finding out that something else is going on between them? mhmmm idk. reminder that rose is quite literally on the stage listening to this whole convo.

THAT line: 

i have so many thoughts on this line and what albus is getting at. is this albus’ way of admitting he has feelings for scorpius? is it albus ‘subtly’ trying to understand how his best friend feels about him by pushing the limits of their friendship and see how he’d react? is he asking him out? is he saying he loves him in his own way as he struggles with feelings? orrrr is it simply albus just asking him if rose, his cousin, is actually the one scorpius, his bestie, wants? this line is definitely up to how you all perceive it. for me, i personally feel it’s albus attempting to address delphi outing him because they never really expand on that moment, as well as attempting to push the boundaries of this friendship to see if scorpius wants more than this as well. 

i also find it amusing that albus says this after scorpius expresses he only wants “harmony” and an “eventual alligence” with rose. like scorpius hasn’t actually shown any romantic interest in rose so this means albus doesn’t even want him talking to her. god he’s obsessed with him. 

rose’s input: 

THANK GOD FOR THE REMOVAL OF “SCORPION KING” COZ HOW DID SHE KNOW???? whatever moving on. her cute little line, “you good albus?” eeeeee i love her new role in this scene. she is just looking out for the happiness of her cousin in which i assume she knows about the two of them being more than besties. fr she is also a big scorbus shipper by the end of the play and we love her for that. 

why tf did the creatives do this?:

ughhhhh i do not know. i guess this was the closest they could get without actually confirming they are together?? idk. i do find it amusing to think about the creatives trying to rewrite this scene and how proud they would’ve been when they created this line. kudos to you jack thorne and john tiffany. but in general with the changes, i have so many thoughts and theories about why/when/how they did this which i would love to dive into but it deserves a whole post dedicated to itself.

but i think at the end of this scene/play, this relationship is open ended like there is no definite answer of what they are and can be interpreted however you’d like. and i genuinely really like this, it’s somehow comforting. one question that i still ask myself (which could be quite problematic but here we go) is: are they actually canon? i have so many thoughts about this and could definitely do a seperate post but put simply… sadly no. PLEASE DONT HATE ME I WANT THEM TO BE CANON BUT I CANNOT 100% SAY THEY ARE!!!! and i have my reasons… but that’s a whole different issue.

although we would all like a CLEAR confession/answer (to get us out of our misery), but they are only 14/15 and finding themselves so who knows, maybe at dinner they worked out what they are but i guess we will never know?? ok bye sorry for all that xx

[miraamio]

Hellooo there was something abt your post that kinda got me thinking. The mha fandom has always been populated by mostly fem and general queer people, which is probably the reason why these toxic brodudes were SO pissed whenever anything queer looking would happen in the story, and why their reaction to 430 was so bitter and vindictive. They hate when they see the queers feeling like they have been catered to, and they hate having to be creative by themselves.

I watched a video by a yt named Shaun, abt a fake outrage that the same kind of brodudes instigated, but with the difference being that it was abt video games. He said something that seriously makes sense even in the context of mha and various other mangas.

"They don't want to be a part of diversity, they want to be superior to it. They don't want a game with the option to cater to them, they want to be the ones who the game solely caters to".

And to me, that is exactly what 431 is.

Now i'm gonna be honest, my opinion of Hori wasn't the greatest before, and after that it just became really sour. But i recognized his capabilities and his passion. So being as chariable as possible coming from me; i think he just got angry that he had to see people criticizing the previous ending in such a humiliating way. It wouldn't be surprising, since the the fuss they made wasn't just in one place, it was everywhere. Everyone was spreading misinformation to hell and back and even attacking him personally.

He tried his best to counter all of what they were saying, by making everything they wanted a possibility at the very last minute. But, as you know, the things they wanted were absolutely nothing but the bland, underdeveloped het ship becoming canon. And for that, everything had to be dumbed down, forgotten, or forced in a shoddy way. Now all the same ppl who were pissed are praising him for "fixing" his ending.

He'll probably try to do damage control if the backlash of now gets to him, by like, idk making family/romantic illustrations for Iz/och? Which to me personally will just mean that he really is that lazy or weak willed. But maybe he will just show cool illustrations and stay quiet.

I think you are sooooo right about dudebros wanting a piece of media to only be catered to them. Your quotation is also so on point.

The biggest problem with mha is that it’s debut, and the initial few years of its publication, it mainly garnered a very dudebro like fanbase. Even during the first half of 2020 when it blew up, it catered heavily to dudebros with fan service and power scaling. The issue is that eventually as the manga transcended to become something that was much more inclusive, it stopped catering to these guys.

I have always said this but a man’s biggest enemy is women and queer people. So when a fanbase garners a massive female and queer audience, it becomes a job for these guys to shame said consumers who actually heavily heavily contribute to the popularisation of said media. I’m not sure if you have seen the video of that woman on tiktok who went viral for crying over chapter 431 and how aggressive these “normal” guys were towards her. I believe infiltration of fandom spaces mainly happens when the author tries to cater to EVERY side of the audience, the dudebros, women, queer people. And it simply cannot work that way. This is something i have always critiqued on Hori’s part, that despite that sheer density and strength of his story, he becomes directionless when it comes to appealing to certain sides of the fandom. Which is why we get sm fan service, sm forced izcha crumbs, its Hori’s attempt at keeping both bkdks and izchs happy. And it simply does not work that way.

However, i truly truly thought his choice of ending 430 the way he did was groundbreakingly beautiful. It was the most amazing open ending we could’ve had. But his choice to publish 431, which, he too, seemed unwilling to, really undid 430 chapters of his hard work because not only did it fracture the narrative and corrupt the characters but it also dismantled everything he had built. In a way, it also very much ruined mha in multiple ways.

I hadn’t seen a relationship as beautiful as tgchk and bkdk in shounen before, it was so raw and jarring in so many ways. And as a bisexual woman, Toga’s conclusion felt very dear and personal to me. But sadly, the ending really left a hole in my heart. So when i see these dudebros violently trashing ships and calling them senseless I cannot help but feel super sad because in a way, after chapter 430 the number of these aggressive dudebros had significantly reduced maybe because they were forced to come in terms with the finale. But 431 really resurfaced them in the worst way possible.

[butterflydm]

Kinda jumping off a discussion I was having with @markantonys and @sixth-light the other day, I am really feeling excited about potentially bringing in most/all of the rest of our endgame love interests next season because I think they'll pretty much all benefit with the jump from book to screen.

(contains some book spoilers through Knife of Dreams)

I really enjoy a lot of the choices that the show has made so far, and I think they've done a lot of good set-up for the romances as well. To start with the characters who are locked in already, I really loved that Rand's three love interests all got to spend some extended time with (at least) one of his friends in season 2. Elayne being close with Egwene and Nynaeve is book canon, of course, but I like that the show essentially did that with Aviendha & Min too -- Perrin and Aviendha were so funny together, Mat and Min were also funny but had some great depth and angst. We got to see all three of them shine as individual characters before we got into any romance elements.

Especially with Min, I really loved the choice for them to take Min's self-reported past struggles with her ability and make it a current thing for her. It gives Min an active emotional storyline that is about herself and not centered around Rand, which is a big plus for me.

For next season, it's fairly well confirmed that we're getting Faile, and I think the show is set up to do really well with her:

a. the fact that we're not getting Perrin's internal narration will do so much to combat the 'constantly possessive and jealous' vibe that she often has in the books, because she frequently does not act on it but is just feeling something and if Perrin didn't basically have telepathy, no one would know.

b. Perrin's previous marriage provides a good reason for his relationship with Faile to be much more of a slow burn than it was in the books, and also provide background on why he'll be over-protective of her without falling into Jordan's "Women Are Precious Frail Flowers" trap (which Jordan did realize was a flaw in his writing -- we see him trying to interrogate it over the course of the series. But sometimes he would fall into the trap anyway).

c. And Faile and Perrin's relationship being more of a slow-burn would also make Berelain be a less ridiculous character (if they choose to still have her & her pursuit of Perrin). I'm also fond of the (from reddit!) speculation that maybe Berelain will be Graendal in disguise, which would have the potential of working really well to bring Graendal in sooner and give Perrin a proper Forsaken nemesis.

We are likely to get Gawyn, and if he's our main PoV for split in the White Tower, rather than it being Min (who is going to be in the Tanchico storyline with Mat, if that leak from a couple of weeks ago is true), then the audience will be more inclined towards being sympathetic towards him. We're also not likely to have the huge slow-down in pacing that happened in the second half of the book series, so it won't feel like Gawyn is just marching in place for forever. He's definitely one of the characters who suffers the most from how slowly the plot moves in The Slog.

Less likely but still very possible (especially if the leak about Mat is true) is that we may meet Tuon next season, and the show has done so much to make Mat & Tuon more plausible as a romance, even before we get into anything like character development.

Partly in the difference in Mat's background, in his relationship with his parents, and also in the way his dynamics with characters like Liandrin and Ishamael were played out.

Plus the set-up for what the show is doing with damane & sul'dam is promising in terms of Tuon because the show has established that the sul'dam are very weak channelers (as opposed to being learners), which means that Tuon actively beginning to channel wouldn't be plot-breaking in terms of her capabilities and would just affect her on a narrative level, which makes that feel like a much more likely path for them to choose to go with her and which opens up some avenues for some genuine character growth from her, which would be an exciting change from the books.

And, on a more subjective note, I feel like Jordan really fell down on the writing of Mat and Tuon, especially in CoT & KoD, so basically anyone else taking them over is probably going to be an improvement for me.

The show also really established a strong personality for Mat off the bat, which is something that Jordan was pretty inconsistent about. 'Mat' doesn't really gel as an individual character until the third book when he gets a PoV; and then he changes in several ways between the end of Winter's Heart and the start of Crossroads of Twilight (which is only a week later); I think that 'Crossroads' Mat could have been plausible (if depressing) as a character if Jordan had actually worked up to him over the course of CoT & KoD rather than him abruptly becoming this New Slavery-Neutral "both sides are valid" Mat in-between books (in WH he has an actual ethical & visceral objection to slavery, while in CoT & KoD, he only seems to object to the idea of being personally enslaved and views it neutrally if other people are enslaved). But I've talked about all that before, lol, so I will just say that it feels like the show already knows who they want Mat to be and has taken a pretty bold stand on the subject (re: being a Hero of the Horn), so I don't think we'll see them dumping his brains and empathy overboard between seasons.

So, yeah, I know s3 is still filming, but I am already anticipating it so much!

[number-one-castiel-apologist]

Why I think Sam Winchester is queer coded:

^specifically the psychic/demon blood storyline(s)

(my fuckass essay !!!) 

long + has spoilers for all of spn

So, lemme preface this by saying when it comes to this man, I reach levels of bein delusional that shouldn’t be possible. and, I don’t think every “tragic” character is or should be queercoded (that would probably be y’know, kinda problematic), I just relate to Sam a lot. I also think that he’s queer(bi*) but for different, separate reasons than being queer-CODED. (And Jared Padalecki supports that interpretation too sooo :) …) *I ship him and Eileen. 

Also, I’m probably missing some shit cause I didn’t start writing this til I was already on the later seasons. So, the early stuff is just from memory. And I have a shit memory. if you like, know me, please don’t read this. It’s very much tinhatting and it’s extremely embarrassing. -_-

So, first of all, all he wants is to be normal.. fuckkkk why the hell are you so relatable Sam?? Within the narrative he’s always called things like “weak and feminine”. + he’s shamed for his desires and actions. 

(This is why he’s my comfort character. That doesn’t directly tie into the queer coding, I’m just a guy with long hair, who was raised in the south, with a much cooler “typically masculine” brother figure, and a shitty dad. Also Sam dresses like me, has similar mannerisms, similar food shit, and tbh he made me not wanna die so much. Cause seeing him on screen helped me feel like I finally saw someone who reminded me of myself, who got a happy ending and could just live. So. Side note, I do relate more to Dean personality/social wise though.) Any character that gets called an abomination (by Cas in like s4 I think) is INSTANTLY my pookie. Sorry, I don’t make the rules. 

I wrote most of this while I was on weird ass allergy meds that did something to me. and yeah. none of it makes any sense. Enjoy!

First of all, the way his (presumably) first kiss(*) was with a person who was also a freak in every definition of the word… and she tells him that he’s a freak, but it’s okay because so is she. She makes him feel safe. For the first time, Sam finds comfort in who he is. In his differences from his “normal” dad and brother. That’s how I felt the first time I met another queer person (who I had a crush on). It’s like finally finding the missing piece of yourself. Community. And he can’t tell anyone about it or her because it would be seen as dirty and wrong. Now that I think about it, most of his love interests were other “freaks” or creatures like him— outcasts.**

(*from “the girl next door” season seven, episode three.)

** 1. Madison, werewolf

2. Ruby, demon

3. Amy, wraith

Then, there’s this scene:

(Sam), “You know, I’ve been remembering things, little things, so clearly—” (Sam), “You know, I’ve been remembering things, little things, so clearly—”

(Dean), “What, donkey rides?”

(Sam), “You used to read to me, um, when I was little, I— I mean, really little, from that old, uh… Classics Illustrated comic book. You remember that?”

(Dean), “No.”

(Sam), “Knights of the Round Table. Had all of King Arthur’s knights, and they were all on a quest for the Holy Grail. And I remember looking at this picture of Sir Galahad, and, and, and he was kneeling and— and light streaming over his face, and— I remember… thinking, uh, I could never go on a quest like that. Because I’m not clean. I mean, I w— I was just a little kid. You think… maybe I knew? I mean, deep down, that— I had… demon blood in me, and about the evil of it, and that I’m— wasn’t pure?”

(Dean), “Sam, it’s not your fault.”

(Sam), “It doesn’t matter anymore. Because these trials… they’re purifying me.”

(End scene)

(From “the great escapist” season eight, episode twenty one. All convos that are taken from official (I think?) transcripts.)

He feels like he can’t be righteous. This is exactly how I was when I was a kid. I thought I couldn’t be anything good because I was gay, even when I didn’t fully know/understand (the way he says it) that I was yet. I felt dirty and evil and wrong. I thought I couldn’t be close to god, to the point I was terrified of communion because I thought my uncleanliness would send me to hell. I was taught that was what would happen, so it was just a fact I accepted. Sam being the brother who had faith takes me out cause like, that was me. I was the person who prayed and believed and all it got me was rejection. I was labeled a freak. I’ve called myself one more times than I can count. Just like he did. 

But really, just watching this scene felt like it healed something in me. The first time I saw it I wanted to scream, THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT! THATS WHAT IT MEANS! Amazing delivery. Amazing dialogue. Everything. Ten out of ten. This changed my brain chemistry forever. 

“I have a disease in me, pumping through my veins. I can’t rip it out or scrub it clean. I’m a whole new level of freak.” Sam, in season four, episode four. 

That pretty much sums up how I thought about myself in my childhood/teenage years. The way Sam thinks he’s wrong and “impure” from an early age has always connected with me. His character has always felt like a parallel to the (my) experience as a queer person. I just connect to him on an unexplainable level for equally hard to explain reasons. ig

Plus, there’s the way his love life either ends in death or tragedy(/almost(?) everyone he gets with dies). And that’s not rlly super queercoded (unless you think about AIDS or something) I just like that because I’m also traumatized and I’m a slut for characters’ pain. So I wanted to mention it.

Actually I take that back— it’s very HIV/AIDS. it’s a whole thing about blood and not being clean, and the way his “sin” is transmitted for the first time is through Ruby, his demon lover. 

Tieing into that, there’s something just so desire-repression-longing-shame-religious guilt-giving in to the pleasure about his sex scenes with Ruby. Dayummm. Also blood and sex as a metaphor (like with vampirism) has long been held as a sort of queercoded thing. (Bram Stoker’s Dracula-- my beloved. THE queercoded book.)

There’s also the little bit of subtext with male “supernatural creature” type characters that other people have mentioned/noticed. (ie, that one witch guy. Paul?) Don’t qoute me on that, cause that’s more relationship/character interaction based than subtext/metaphor based. 

—��—

(Season eleven, episode eight, “just my imagination”.)

Imaginary. Friend. Wearing. Rainbow. Suspenders. “You can be whatever you wanna be.” Aghhhhh. I. AM. FOAMING. AT. THE. MOUTH. I couldn’t make this up. 

(Note from my mom: “I think you’re reading too much into this.” Am I? Absolutely. But that’s why it’s called a hyperfixation. I’m putting a shit ton of sub into this text.)

In season two Sam goes on a brief journey of self discovery. This brings this quote: “I’m trying to find answers about who I am. And my brother means well but he can’t protect me from that.”* (I think he’s calling Ellen here?) I get this, though. When you’re trying to figure out who you are, and you’re different, everyone around you tries to “protect” you in a way. From the world. From yourself. 

*This was probably in season two, episode ten, and that whole episode takes me out. Cause John’s love was conditional when it came to Sam and the demon blood. 

His powers have to be hidden from the other hunters (society). Dean is afraid that Sam will be hurt because of who he is, and that’s what LGBT people have to go through every day. That’s exactly like my mother telling me she was terrified of what might happen to me if someone found out I was different. 

So, seeing Sam’s brother (who practically raised him) saying that really hit home for me. And the way Dean almost treats him like “one of the good ones” is how homophobic/unsupportive family members will act towards you. They’ll say that everyone else is awful and disgusting “but not you” because you’re their blood. (The layers, people. The layers.) Sam’s “one of the good ones” to Dean because he has to be— he’s his brother. And Dean can hate everyone like him but he can’t hate Sam. 

A good example of “society” was Gordon. Gordon hunting monsters was a strong parallel to other forms of blind bigotry, where someone is unwilling to see a person’s humanity no matter what*. The way he vicisouly hunts down Sam in (season two) after this when his psychicness is “outed” to him is gut wrenching. Shitttt. Exactly how former friends (re)acted when I wasn’t in the closet anymore. -Violent and angry cause I wasn’t like them. 

(*that faction of vampires didn’t hurt anyone and I’m still pissed about this. “But monster bad” - no. Nuance. Please. This makes me INSANE. a lot of the time, supernatural just basically forgot there were ever good “monsters”/creatures.. like??)

Sam is always portrayed as the open and accepting one when it comes to the possibility of monsters being good or human-like, as well. He’s empathetic towards others who are different, like him. This is in contrast to Dean, who basically is really the action hero type who wants to shoot, first ask questions later. 

He (Sam) takes Jack under his wing. The speech he gives him in season thirteen, episode three, “patience” that goes something like “I know what it’s like to feel different… and be afraid of who you are…”, (I’ll elaborate later) where Sam promises to help him— This reminds me of the “older queer mentor-mentee” type relationship that I’ve been on both sides of. 

———

I feel like Sam would’ve started trying to kill himself at a young age to drown away all the feelings that he didn’t (couldn’t) belong. This is just a personal self indulgent headcanon that’s a little too dark for some silly cw show about monsters. Giving himself up to Lucifer as a vessel is basically suicide. And this happens after he thinks (that Dean thinks) he is irredeemable. I honestly don’t know how to explain it well enough, but his experiences are everything I’ve been through if you put it through a different lense, (since I’m not a psychic and demons n shit don’t, yknow, exist.)

“You’re unclean in the biblical sense.” - Billie the reaper (in season eleven, episode two - “form and void.”) Kill me. Kill me. 

It’s a reoccurring theme that there’s something fundamentally wrong with Sam, expressed by multiple characters. There’s several different reasons this is said over the years, but it always comes back to “you’re not clean/right.”

His relationship to religion and himself is connected. He feels unclean. For me, my prayers and beliefs affected that. His longing for a normal life reminds me of mine. And he can never have that because of who he is and the life he lives. I actually love all of his conflict with religion (“of course I pray everyday Dean” + that short season 11 arc my beloved. And then it’s actually Lucifer all along who was speaking to him? DELICIOUS. I love his torment.)

I’m not ashamed to admit I enjoy supernatural completely unironically. The bad effects, the weird ass stories, etc. You have to love and hate it at the same time? Nah, I just love it. So much. 

He prays the same way I did/do. And I love that because I see so, so much of myself in him. (Sam. Sammy. Samuel. I love you. Never change.)

…I’ve genuinely put more effort into this than any assignment shit i ever did for school. Quit school and watch Supernatural instead. Trust me. 

———

When Sam meets Magda, the physic girl, you can see the moment in his eyes where he goes “oh god, she’s like me.” Magda’s hyper-religious family keeps her locked in the basement as a prisoner for who she is— a psychic. Some hardcore religious families will treat queer people this way. The way Sam reassures her that she’s not evil or wrong, and that he’s like her, reads like a coming out scene. “There’s nothing wrong with you because I’m the same way so I’d know,” type shit. Reassurance. 

The scene:

(Sam awakens to find himslef in the basement floor with his hands tied behind his back.)

(Magda, singing) “You may talk about your men of Gideon. You may talk about you men of…”

(Sam, NOT singing), “Magda?”

(Magda stops humming)

(Sam), “Magda Peterson.”

(Magda), “That’s not my name. I’m not Magda. I’m the devil.”

(Sam), “No. no, you’re really not.”

(Magda), “He’s inside me. I can hear him whispering. He lets me hear what people are thinking. He lets me do things.”

(Sam), “What kind of things? Magda, I’m here… I’m here to help you. Show me. Please.”

(Magda looks at the cross on the wall. With the power of her mind, she makes it come off away from the wall and hover.)

*Short scene cut out for irrelevance*

(Sam), “Magda… You’re not the devil. You’re just psychic. There are others out there like you, like — like me. I have powers, too. I’d get these visions sometimes and — and I could move things with my mind.”

(Magda), “You can do that?”

(Sam), “Well, no, not anymore, I don’t think. But that didn’t make me the Devil. It - it - it just made me who I am.”

(Magda), “then you are evil. Mother says I’m evil, cause I hurt people.”

(Sam), “Who did you hurt?”

(end (of the important part of the) scene)

In lots of different movies, tv shows, and books, being a supernatural type of creature has been used as an allegory for minorities and the bigotry they face. So, I don’t think it’s too big of a stretch to say that Supernatural, intentionally or not, made Sam’s psychic-ness a queer allegory. 

When Magda faces off against her mom, she tells her “I’m not the devil. You are,” taking back who she is, which isn’t anything wrong or evil. In the end Magda gets killed by a man of letters, because some people will never see past their hatred of something or someone that’s different from them. Someone they don’t understand (the metaphor).

All of the OG Azazel psychics’ abilities “activated” at twenty-two. Usually people will discover their queer identities and/or come out at or near that age. I just think that’s interesting/neat. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

—-

In season thirteen, episode three, “patience”, several things happen that I want to include in this essay. 

The episode starts off establishing that a wraith is going after psychics (similar to a hate crime).* Also while looking at the transcripts for different episodes, I’ve noticed that that Robert Berens (who I believe is gay? - idk don’t quote me) writes a lot of the episodes that I feel have queer themes. And, as a queer writer, a lot of times, intentional or not, we tend to write from experience and the thought process of someone who IS queer, which can make characters come off with a queer reading. 

*Missouri remarks that he’s “going after our kind”. (Also I’ll die on the hill that Sam should’ve stayed psychic/telekinetic at least a little longer. There would’ve been so much good conflict, like this.)

The scenes

Number one:

(Dean), “Alright, well that thing might come back, so…”

(Patience), “Why?”

(Jody), “Well, all we know is that he stalks psychics.”

(Patience), “Psychics? Then what does he want with me?”

(Dean), “What do you think?”

(Patience), “I... No, I'm not... I get déjà vu sometimes but that's normal.. I’m normal.”

(Scene end)

The “I’m normal” is very reminiscent of trying convince myself I could be something different, ie: “normal”, instead of gay. Patience desperately wants to be normal, because she’s afraid of being different, and thats just a universal queer experience, baby. If I had a nickel for everytime I thought “I just want to be normal” I’d be filthy fucking rich. 

Scene two:

(Sam), “Why is it so hard? I've seen you throw people across the room. I've been thrown across the room by you.I've seen you open a gate to hell and now nothing? It doesn't make any sense.”

(Jack), “It makes sense, if I'm evil.”*

(Sam), “What?”

(Jack), “Just, go. Please.”

(Sam), “No, Jack. Why do you think you're evil? Because when I look at you, that's not what I see.”

(Jack), “Yeah well, Dean sees it. That's why he says... he said he'd kill me.”

(Sam), “He what?”

(Jack), “And maybe he should. Mom said I could be good, that I had the choice to be good, that it was up to me. But she's dead, because of me. I've only been on earth for a few days and I've already hurt people. I've already done bad things, and no matter how hard I try I can't... I can't do the one good, stupid thing you want me to. So I must be evil, like Lucifer.”

(Scene paused)

[[*I personally headcanon that Jack couldn’t use his powers because he was repressing them. and boy do I know a lot about repression. (I like to project onto my favorite characters okay?) Like, he was afraid to be who he is, yknow what I mean?

(scene continuation/irrelevant part of scene was cut out)

(Jack), “Sam, why are you being so nice to me?”

(Sam), “Because I know what it feels like, to feel like you don't belong. To feel like there's this darkness inside of you, to be scared of who you are, what you can do. Dean, Cas, my family helped me through that. So now I want to help you, because you're not evil, Jack.”

(Scene end)

This is the “older queer mentor” thing I was talking about. Sam, here in this scene, is supporting him and showing him, “it’s okay, I’m like you, and I made it. I’m okay and there’s nothing wrong with me.” he’s basically going “i felt that way at your age, and it gets better”, and I don’t know how many times I’ve had to say that to my younger lgbt friends. WHICH MIGHT MEAN NOTHING. but it also might mean everything. (Can you tell i have no better shit to do?)

Scene three:

(Missouri), “James, you can't.”

(James), “I can. I have to. Patience, she's... she's all I've got.”

(Missouri), “You have me!”

(James), “I don't want you influencing her, poisoning her. You need to say goodbye.”

(Missouri), “James…”

(Scene end)

This (Painfully) reminds me of being cut out of friends or relatives (especially children or younger people’s lives) because who I am would “poison them” or influence them to become like me. Because that was “dangerous.”

Scene four:

(Dean), “Have you given any thought to what's next?”

(Patience), “I don't know. School is in an hour, so I guess calculus?”

(Jody), “And your gift?”

(Patience), “I talked to my dad. He thinks I should put it away. Dad says we should just get back to normal. Maybe he's right.“

(Dean), “He is. This life, hunting, monsters, there's no joy in it. There's nothing but pain, horror and death. So if you get a chance at normal, you take it.”

(Jody), “Patience, wait. I may be out of line here but you don't have to listen to him. To either of them, if it's not what you really want. I had a daughter, I guess, Claire*, and I asked her to stay in line, to fight who she really was because I thought it would keep her safe. It didn't work, it never does. Your gift... or maybe you're right, maybe it'll go away. But if it doesn't? You try to force it down to make someone else happy, you will only make yourself miserable. It's your choice. But if you ever need someone to talk to or someplace to go, my door is always open.”

(Scene ends) 

*it’s worth noting Claire is canonically queer. (My wlw queen.) Again, what Jody says fits with how in real life, even well-meaning people will tell us to hide who we are because of the dangers of being ourselves/being out. It’s unfortunate, but thats a lot of people’s lives. Also, again with the obsession with normal, which will never not mean more to be because of my own life experiences. You can’t hide who you are, even if it means getting along in normal society. Being queer and staying in the closet feels like a slow, painful death. It hurts. 

Scene five:

(Dean), “I told him the truth. See, you think you can use this freak but I know how this ends and it ends bad.”

(Sam), “I didn't.”

(Dean), “What?”

(Sam), “I didn't 'end bad'. When I was the “freak*,” when I was drinking demon blood.”

(Dean), “Come on man, that's totally different.”**

(Sam), “Was it? Because you could've put a bullet in me. Dad told you to put a bullet in me, but you didn't! You saved me! So help me save him!”

(Dean), “You deserved to be saved, he doesn't!”

(Sam), “Yes he does, Dean, of course he does!”

(Scene ends)

*everytime Sam angrily spits out that he’s a freak, you could replace that with the other f-word and it would read shockingly like someone struggling with internalized homophobia. I’d know. (When other characters say it, the way Sam recoils is like a punch to the gut. I know that feeling and I hate it so much. THANK YOU MISTER PADALECKI!! -People who say he can’t act watched a VERY different show than I did??) Sam’s self hatred/shame is so important to me. Also there are probably instances of him saying things like this that I missed, but I didn’t start writing this til I was about halfway through the show so some of it is just from memory. 

In this specific scene especially, when Sam says the word freak he sounds so, so angry and bitter. A+ delivery. Also, when he refers to himself this way in this scene, it doesn’t sound like he personally believes it anymore. And that makes me so undescribably happy. 

Additionally, Patience’s dad kicks her out when she refuses to hide herself. That’s what happens to a lot of gay or trans kids when their parents find out about them. 

**Dean, again, has a sort of complex when it comes to Sam that he CANT be “one of the bad ones.” He has blinders on when it comes to him cause he’s family. 

—

In conclusion, when it comes to Sam Winchester, no one is doing it like me (derogatory).

Additional notes:

Something something, male crossroads demon(s). (The evil manifestations of your desires.) Idk I’m tired. 

Just look up “queercoded Sam Winchester”. Someone else has probably explained this way more eloquently than me. Also lemme know if I missed anything. 

(When I was trying to explain all this to my friend, she made fun of me by saying “oh yeah he’s totally gay cause he sees visions and has nightmares of people like him dying.” Fuck off, bestie. <3 She’s also a Sam hater. So.)

He can never be happy + he’s “always felt different”. Also the way supernatural is always criticizing “that apple pie life” makes me lose it. Why? Why? (A little detail I like is that Sam is also very understanding to Cas, who also feels/is like an outcast in his own family.)

Sam himself was never approved of by his family. I know how crushing it feels to have someone tell you who you are is inherently wrong. When Dean called him a monster/freak early on, my heart broke for him (and my younger self.) None of this is Dean hate btw. I love him I’m just slightly more Insane(TM) about Sam. That’s why I wrote an over four thousand word essay (on a theory I have) about him. 

(I also think Dean is queer. But in the way that “I need you” is NOT something you say to your boy best friend, where Sam is queer cause his whole life is a reflection of The Experience.)

Just literally the whole blood freak thing is coding (which by itself can be an allegory for addiction, but the way he treats this different part of himself personally resonates with me. There’s also some tie in with mental health issues/possible neurodivergence there, and I’ve dealt with stuff like that a lot. I know Jared has too, and he portrayed Sam’s struggles really beautifully.) I’ve just always personally thought it was a metaphor. (I also have some of those other issues it could be paralleled with so maybe that’s why I relate to him so much? I don’t know man.)

(Take a shot everytime I say metaphor. You’ll die of alcohol poisoning. I’m just not good with words when it’s this kinda shit. So sorry to anyone who reads this lmao.)

Normally this is where I’d say im right, but since im aware this is a long winded rant, this is where I’m asking y’all to please be nice. If you disagree with me, I’m chill with civil discussions, but don’t send me hate. Please and thank you !!

[year2000electronics]

not to send the billionth ask about hlvrv but are doc and g-man intentionally narrative foils. man who would do literally anything for his family VS man who believes having a family makes you weak. like. they ARE narrative foils but was it on purpose or a happy accident. also every day i thank you for making sleepless a forzen when i feel like anyone else would've made him a benrey for Frenrey. idk it adds a little pizazz that he's the singular forzen in hlvrv and not a benrey even if him being a benrey would probably change nothing plot-wise

YESSSS and i love it. the question of "was it intentional" is a little here and there because the more i look back at hlvrv the more i forget what i was thinking of in the moment and the more i only have my notes to go off. where episode 1 was kinda me going "UHHHHHHH" and panicking looking at the building blocks that ive laid out desperately trying to smash them together. doc definitely wasnt crafted with the idea that he would have this traitor narrative in mind, and certainly he wasnt created hand in hand with gvrv. his creation was me in the notes app going "uh i need two more gordons. what would be cool. A MAD SCIENTIST MAYBE?" and things kinda fell into place from there.

i think as the live askblog stuff went on i definitely did find my footing with that though, especially as i was going in with the looming shadow of like. onceler-au-ification behind me. i wanted the science teams to play a part in them for sure. and for that connection, that bond, to play a part, and i guess as the story went on doc and freemans fates got more and more intertwined, as doc has this sort of selfish love of her family where she will stop at NOTHING to save them, and the admins whose selfish love of freeman ends up trapping all the other gordons and dangling false hope in front of them, but as the story goes on, as the gordons make these choices to reach out to each other and fight for their happy ending, thats how you see doc and the admins' loves grow into something more deeper and mature. compared to gvrv who chose to love people only as tools

ALSO YEA I LOVE SLEEPLESS. im like 90% sure zer creation was also just me scheming in the notes app like "ooooh theyll NEVER expect this one!" but also i noticed hlvrv at large had a very large forzen-shaped gap so i was like "fuck it". i agree i think making sleepless a benrey would have been tacky

[stromuprisahat]

Honestly,I'm kinda baffled with the whole "Alina made Aleksander feel like a human" thing. She never seemed to care much about him,nor about his flaws or vulnerabilities(other than his Death Scene,of course). Or maybe I'm biased due to finding Alina obnoxious and way too bland to be getting all the attention she gets(Genya switched sides for someone who never even stood up for her,Nikolai offered a place alongside him even after she lost her powers). Alina still deserves better than Malware's toxic ass,tho. It's just that the author painted Alina in a much more heroic light than she ever deserved,IMO.

Feeling aren't rational and sometimes they're stirred by people, who did nothing to "earn" such magnitude. Aleksander was in love with her potential and the novelty of meeting someone, who could become his equal, opposing him. He felt "human" as in like a person with their own wants and needs, instead of a personification of his goal.

Genya's betrayal will never make sense to me, unless she's much more ruthless than the narrative wants us to believe, and intentionally switched sides, ensuring a place under Alina's protection as the Darkling's victim (for which I would applaud, and so would likely the man, who had to almost cut his own leg off to support his story).

Nikolai... well, Nikolai's simply weak and afraid. Alina was the only remaining person alive, who was able to control the creatures he partly became, so his offer was likely grasping at straws. Unlucky for him, Alina rarely had empathy to waste on others even before she was severely mutilated herself.

I understand the frustration about the unfairness of it all. Alina doesn't do anything to deserve the reverence she's offered, she doesn't change a single thing about Ravkan situation, and actively makes matters worse for Grisha, yet she seems to be worshiped as some sort of the main Saint post-trilogy.

Her story isn't about an unlikely hero, but a passive figurehead, who has immense power thrust upon them, only to lose the physical part of it and throw away the rest.

[akiizayoi4869]

Can I maybe have more insight into Sokkla?

Idk I've been wanting to get more into it but I'd just like to hear why people ship them, more depth into them as a ship, how they'd work out, etc

Have a great day ^^

Sure!

I was honestly so confused back when I first found out that people shipped them lol. They only had one scene in the entire show when they interacted and actually spoke to each other, and it wasn't good. But I decided to bite the bullet and check it out anyway. Think it was either one of @seyaryminamoto or @libbysatton25 Sokkla fics that I read, and by the end of it I was like "holy shit why do these two make so much sense for no reason"😂.

People ship them for a number of reasons. Both of them are very smart, are strategists, sense of humor is kinda the same, and they have similar issues when it comes to their parents and how the writers wrote it. With Sokka, his grief about Kya's death is never expanded on or given the same kind of depth like with Katara, even though it would have been really interesting if they did since it was painfully obvious that he had repressed memories of what happened that day, sine he couldn't even remember their mother's face. It's similar with Azula. Zuko's issues with Ozai is taken seriously by the narrative, as is Ursa leaving and how it affected him. With Azula, however, her issues with their mother are never given the same importance. Ignoring the shit comics, during the beach episode where she says "My own mother though I was a monster. She was right of course, but it still hurt" was interesting. For the first time ever, we saw a vulnerable side of Azula, a glimpse of into what her own experience with their family was like (even though we kinda did see it a bit on her end in the Zuko Alone flashback episode). Nobody responded to what she said (and to be fair to them, that's a subject that shouldn't be treated lightly, and they were all teenagers with their own problems, even though at the very least I think that Zuko should have said something) and the last bit of what she said makes the whole thing be treated as a joke.

Which, honestly? Is brilliant, because that's a defense mechanism. Showing a vulnerability without meaning to, and the moment you realize it, you try and deflect by making a joke or acting as if it's not a big deal. I've done that plenty of times. There's just one problem with this: the narrative actually frames what she said as a joke and that it's not a big deal, because she is in fact a monster and even she knows it (I swear narrative framing is seriously a bitch in this show) and it's never brought up in conversation again. Nobody asks her what she meant by that and actually try to talk to her about it, and the ideal candidate for this woukd have been Zuko, since he could sort of get where she's coming from since they have the same messed up family. Instead, it's only touched upon again in the finale during the mirror scene, and then that's it.

Ok I know that I said ignore the garbage comics, but they actually prove my point further. In The Search, Azula's issues with her mother definitely aren't taken seriously whatsoever, she's made to be seen as unreasonable because she's "crazy", and when they find out what actually happened to Ursa and Azula is rightfully angry about it? Once again she's written off as being unreasonable and doesn't get taken seriously at all, and she just runs off and nobody stops her. That entire comic was basically about Zuko and his relationship with their mother (see a pattern there?) and to this day her and Ursa have yet to have a one on one conversation with each other, because apparently this is too hard for the writers to do. The point that I'm trying to make here is that Azula surpresses her feelings because for her, it's a sign of weakness, and she was taught to not show any signs of weakness whatsoever. You know who else surpresses their feelings? Sokka. He obviously has his own feelings about Kya's death, but he pushes that aside for Katara. Yue's death definitely left a profound impact on him, but he never talks about it with anyone, not even his girlfriend Suki. He just bottled it up.

Although in Suki's case I think there's another reason why he doesn't tell her, something that I think nobody actually picked up on in the fandom because I've never seen anyone mentioning this: during the Serpent's Pass episode and the two of them are talking because Suki wants to know why he's being so overprotective of her all of a sudden, he tells her that it's because when they were in the Northern Water Tribe, something happened to somebody that he cared about and that he couldn't protect them. So he was telling her about Yue without really getting into it. In response, Suki sees that as an opportunity to tell Sokka how she feels about him, by saying "I lost someone too. He didn't die, he just went away." So basically, she got the implications of what he was trying to say, and she uses that as a way to confess. Now, if I were Sokka? I wouldn't want to talk about it with that person anymore. Idk why on earth the writers thought that would be romantic, but whatever. I'm not saying that this is the reason why he never tells her about Yue, as far as I'm concerned this is just a headcanon of mine, (and all of this is honestly the main reason why I don't care for Sukka whatsoever, aside from the fact that I find it to be boring and poorly written) but it's interesting to think about. Anyway, both Sokka and Azula bottle up their feelings, which is what a lot of Sokkla shippers picked up on, and it's what makes us think that they'd be able to connect with each other because of that, because they both understand what that's like.

So yeah, I think that's why a lot of people find these two interesting as a non canon couple. If any other Sokkla shippers see this, feel free to add on!

[lurkingshan]

My Journey to You Final Thoughts

Time for a big old brain dump, let's go

What a strange ending!! I am trying to shake it off because before this last ep I was feeling plenty of positive feelings about this show but... what a bizarre place to end the story. Even if a season 2 was guaranteed I would have found that an unsatisfying ending. Blech.

ANYWAY, until it went weird on me, I liked this drama overall. They started to lose me a bit with all the double/triple/quadruple crossings in the final stretch (I really just never need a plot to be that complicated, I find it disorienting rather than exciting and it makes me disengage emotionally) but I liked the overall arc of the story a lot.

I really liked that Ziyu found his own way to be a leader, that he and Shangjue worked together and made peace with each other, and that he brought the whole Gong family together. His way of being the sword wielder might not look the same as those before him, but that doesn't mean he's not suited for the role.

Which is probably the thing I like best about this drama--it has really strong character arcs, especially for the Gong men. I found the emotional arc of Ziyu and Shangjue coming to understand each other the most satisfying of the plotlines, and I really loved Yuanzhi and Shangjue and the way they overcame Lang's shadow to solidify their own bond.

The female characters were... less compelling (starting to pick up on a theme with this writer/director), and I found both of the romances underwhelming in the end. I liked that Weishan was granted freedom and came back by choice, and that she was part of the Gong family scheming, but they really never sold me on her returning the intensity of Ziyu's feelings. I think in the end her temperament was just too mild for me to feel like I understood her true feelings or for her to stick with me as a character.

And Qian was just a mess of contradictions. I didn't feel like I really understood the reason for many of her choices, aside from the narrative wanting to keep her motives and loyalties obfuscated throughout. But not understanding why she was doing anything meant I didn't really care. I definitely did not believe her claim to be pregnant, or that Shangjue fell for it. They never sold me on his being so entangled with her, either. Maybe if they'd let me actually see some of that sex they supposedly had.

Wuji was perhaps the most interesting of the female characters, but I found it hard to believe she was so easily manipulated with the tease of her brother being alive. It was kinda weak for me.

I can't believe we actually made it to the end of this show with all the main characters alive, and I'm not actually sure that's a good thing?? But my fav Jin Fan survived so I will not complain further. Actually I lied I will complain about one thing: did we really need to spend that much time on memory montages for every single minor side character who died? I don't know these men like that.

I ended up rating this the same that I did Fangs of Fortune, but for different reasons. FoF has more stunning visuals, but this has a more coherent story. FoF has more compelling characters, but this has better character arcs. FoF is more of a mess of a wild ride, while this is more of a steady build. I like different things about each of them, in the end.

[jullythevamp]

ok here are my opinions of nocturne s2 as someone who rewatched all 4 seasons of castlevania and the 1st season of nocturne for idk how many times

spoilers below the cut

so i did not know s2 would come out bc netflix decided to stay quiet and not advertise it! 😍 lovely

it's almost 8 months since the last time i watched season 1 so i did not remember all the details but i did not enjoy it like i did with all 4 seasons of castlevania. i watched season 2 today and i already prefer s2 over s1

good parts

the animation is soooo good even if i prefer the old art style over this new one the animation is soooo much fluid esp in the last 2 episodes

alucard is finally here !!! my fave from the main series and seeing him made me so happy :( his scene talking about da vinci... u 2 had gay sex say it . also the scene of him getting out of the river wow

also alucard mention of trevor :( stop

droltas backstory !!!! i love actual character building instead of just throwing characters into the narrative !!! the fact that she was the big boss instead of erzebeth made so much sense !!!! and she got her ass in the end !!!

the night creatures revolution !!!!! i love a story that happens in france around the revolution (im obsessed with innocent for this reason) and seeing the night creatures fight against erzebeth people while eduard sang a song he heard in HAITI????? wow

ofc annette is one of the best things of this show by far, i love her journey of finding her powers, even tho she did not show up her power as much as last season her arc was soooo good to watch i love her sm seeing her hugging her mother :((((((

and my favorite part of this season by far, MARIA!!!!! MARIA MY BELOVED DAUGHTER !!! her struggle with her powers and her mother becoming a vampire was sooooo idk how to even say it!!!! also the fact that as soon as she discovered that she had more powerful beings to conjure SHE WENT AFTER HER FATHER!!!! GET HIS ASS!!!! GIVE YOUR FATHER DAUGHTER ISSUES BY KILLING HIM !!!!! also her relationship with juste :((((((( so cute

mid parts

idk how to feel about richter so he's here. hm he's a good protagonist. idk what to say about him he's just cool

olrox and mizrak... i adore them but idk i feel like they could be so much more this season. also no gay sex. i know they're in the middle of war but why. also mizrak had to be transformed last minute? also couldn't they show it in full? like why cut it i loved that scene but why can't u just show the full moment

bad parts

olrox spent the season doing a whole lot of nothing??? last season he was actually doing something but from ep 1 to ep 6 he's just there. well at least he slays in the final battle

marias father whose name i forgot and i don't care enough about him to remember died in such a cool way and just. died. where's haunting the narrative? he was a forge master i thought he would try to at least protect maria in his ash form?

getting the story behind erzebeth and drolta just now kinda made s1 look like shit bc these 2 were just the villains and in s2 they are, yk, characters with motives and such

alucard seemed so weak for some reason? like yeah it was obvious that in castlevania he was going to not be the strongest in the room but how many years have passed since then?

also something about him giving his sword to richter made me mad for some reason like idk if he would do that...

annette leaving the spiritual world bc of ricther did not made me happy like girlie is SO POWERFUL she has the blood of OGUM SHE COULD DEFEAT THE BEAST BY HERSELF AND RETURN NORMALLY

some people commented that this season feels rushed and i am lowkey inclined to agree, some of my problems with this season could be fixed by just making it 2 episodes longer

overall i did enjoy it i am just really picky i give it 3,9/5 :D

here's my final ranking of all castlevania seasons:

castlevania s2

castlevania s3

castlevania s4

castlevania nocturne s2

castlevania s1

castlevania nocturne s1

that's it um ... thank u for reading c:

[lokiinmediasideblog]

For the character ask game - What are headcanon(s) you have for Loki? (Comics or MCU, whichever you feel like)

Comics:

I have this weird HC that the yellow tassel Loki had was Sif's hair that he kept as some weird fucked up trophy to taunt her. It was definitely not his hair as his hair was black and often short. It was later drawn as yellow/golden strings rather than hair, so I probably made this shit up, but IDK I kinda like it? Seems like the sort of petty fucked up thing he'd do.

Loki is a Jotun half-breed. He just looks too different from the rest. The Doylist explanation is that they started making Jotuns bluer with time because they had regular skin tones and basically looked like overgrown Vulcans back in the day.

Loki's mouth being sewn shut is cannon in every comic run not just the ones where it's shown. I just like the angst of that myth so much.

My perception of Loki and Asgard is heavily influenced by Loki (2004) aka "Blood Brothers" where Loki is clearly a hostage/ward and everyone knows he is an adopted Jotun. So, I interpret a lot of the earlier "good Asgard, perfect Odin, perfect Thor, kind and virtuous W4" as being told by an unreliable narrator. I've mentioned before how annoyed I get by the most random and far-fetched suspicions of Loki being "proven true" by the narrative in the majority of Thor comics. Have you considered Loki's not the only one who can lie? Also, a lot of Loki's evil in earlier comics is so over-the-top and the narrative pretends there's no good reason for it. There's no way he wasn't ostracized, abused, or bullied.

Asgard has very good PR and basically chose an adopted Jotun hostage/ward to blame for everything wrong in the realm. They also like to pretend they've always been on the right side of issues and history. IDK I just get frustrated by the narrative quite often. They'll have the good guys manhandling Loki (kid!Loki too) for no good reason but "it's fine because he's evil/his past life was evil."

I ship Loki with every villain they've teamed up with.

MCU:

Frigga had lost her second child (Balder) around the time Loki was brought into Asgard. She resented Loki for a few years because "that thing got to live and Balder did not." Eventually she grew very attached to Loki, and due to guilt, she'd try to overcompensate for her rejection (of course not where it mattered because in my HCs she continued to lie even when it harmed Loki). Loki's not aware of this past having very severe attachment disorders and abandonment issues. Loki's first memories are about being rejected.

Loki had difficulty with any sort of Fire Magic due to being a Jotun but he kept practicing despite how much it harmed him because it was the only time Odin looked at him the way he did Thor. Frigga tried to stop him from doing this but of course, kept the truth from him. Loki interpreted this as her thinking him weak and doubting his magical capabilities. It put a strain in their relationship until Loki managed to conjure Fire with only minor burns. Frigga didn't make things any better, but continued to overcompensate in other ways because guilt.

Loki caused the Gatekeeper (let's call him Vili) that preceded Heimdall to lose his position after a noodle incident. Vili outed Loki to Odin which got him on Loki's shit list. It also caused Loki to learn to conceal them from the All-Sight.

Loki got into a lot of dangerous situations by concealing them-self from the All-Sight.

Either Odin permanently altered Loki's physical form and even the Casket of Ancient Winters can't undo all of it, or Loki is only partially Jotun. Again, he looks too different even when holding the Casket.

Sif and Loki were very close until Loki sabotaged their relationship by cutting her hair as a prank.