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ctrlsht · 2 days ago

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Beneath His Love | Jungkook Two-Shot AU (Part 1)

pairing: jungkook x reader genre: dark romance, psychological thriller, soft yandere

summary: Jeon Jungkook was once just a foreign high school friend until he disappeared without a word after graduation. Years later, he came back, not just to reconnect, but to claim a place in your life as your lover. To everyone else, your relationship is something out of a fairytale, the kind others envy. And for a while, you believed it too until the mask he wore began to slip, revealing a side of him you never saw coming.

warnings: emotional and psychological manipulation, control and possessiveness, obsession, anxiety and mild distress, isolation and coercion, themes of entrapment wc: 14k

Your high school years hold some of your best memories. You were young, maybe a little naïve, but you enjoyed every moment. You met friends who stuck with you through the ups and downs, creating memories that stayed with you.

Some friendships lasted, while others naturally faded over time. But out of all the people from your past, the last person you expected to return was Jeon Jungkook.

“I really want to drive you home, but I thought you might have your car with you.” He glances at you, a slight smile tugging at his lips as he bites his bottom one.

You catch the gesture, a smile of your own creeping up before you glance back at the office building.

He’s a new investor in the company you’re working for, and the funny thing is, you met him in the meeting, with no heads-up that he was the person you’d be negotiating with.

Back in high school, you would’ve called him a lost puppy; out of place, unsure. He had just moved from South Korea with his family, thrown into a world of unfamiliar faces and an unfamiliar language. He tried, really tried, but somehow, nothing ever quite fit.

He wasn’t a natural at blending in, and the harder he pushed, the more obvious it became that he just didn’t belong.

But you did. You were the one who made him feel like he could stay like he was already part of something. You made sure he never had to face the feeling of being lost alone.

“I might get embarrassed for saying this, but... I don’t have a car.” You say it so casually, you can’t help but bite the inside of your cheek to stifle a laugh. His face lights up almost instantly.

“Well, that’s good news for me, because I can drive you home.” He grins, and you can’t help but to chuckle.

Comparing him now to his high school self? It’s almost unrecognizable. From his new confidence to the way he holds himself, he’s changed. Completely. It’s hard to believe this is the same guy. But then again, you were there at the meeting.

The one thing that hasn’t changed? The way he feels familiar. Comfortable. Even after all these years apart, that sense of ease with him hasn’t gone anywhere.

It’s almost laughable to think back on Jungkook who once barely spoke in class, who could barely look anyone in the eye. The same Jungkook who now talks business with the Chief Finance Officer of the country’s biggest infrastructure company; and he’s an investor. An investor. You read the reports. From the looks of it, he’s about to become one of the company’s largest backers. You’re still wrapping your mind around it. What exactly does he do now?

Jungkook left after high school. No warning. No goodbye. Just... gone. You tried searching for him, trying to catch some trace of him online, but even his barely-used social media vanished. After a year of wondering what happened, you eventually gave up. Maybe that was his choice all along.

But you can’t shake the thought: Did you ever really become his friend? Did you make him feel like he belonged, like he had a place? You thought you had, but it’s hard to tell. Maybe it never felt the same to him.

And now, as he stands before you, all those unanswered questions bubble up. So many things you want to ask, but you don’t even know where to begin.

You admit that part of you feels a little hurt, like maybe your friendship meant nothing to him. But that feeling? It’s faded. You were young and confused back then. It doesn’t matter now. You know, deep down, he had his reasons for disappearing. And that’s enough for you.

“It’s good to see you again, Y/N.” He says it casually, but there’s warmth behind the words. You glance at him as he drives, a small smile on his face, his attention fully on the road. You can’t help but notice how much he’s changed. It’s not just his look; it’s everything about him now. The confidence he exudes to the ease in his posture. This isn’t the same Jungkook from high school. He used to shy away from meeting your gaze for more than a few seconds, and now, you can hardly believe he’s the one offering you a ride home. Back in high school, it was you who’d offer to walk him home whenever your other friends couldn’t.

“You too,” you reply, smiling back, still watching him.

He doesn’t speak after that, and you both settle in silence as the car hums along the road. There’s something comforting about the silence. No awkwardness, no tension, just his presence beside you. It feels easy.

After a while, you break the silence. “How have you been?” The words come out before you can second-guess yourself. You didn’t want the quiet to stretch on, and this might be your only chance to check up on him.

“I’m good,” he replies, his tone flat but steady. You expected that. It’s the default answer people give when asked how they’re doing. But you were hoping for something more. Something real.

You don’t push for more. Maybe this is all he’s willing to share. But just as you're about to settle back into your thoughts, his voice breaks through.

“I missed you.”

The words hang in the air. His eyes seem far away, like he’s seeing something just beyond reach. The warmth around him has shifted, and for a moment, the easy atmosphere between you both feels heavier.

“Yeah, me too, Kook,” you say softly, offering a small smile in an attempt to lighten the mood. “I just wish you’d tell me more about how you’ve been.”

The car rolls up to your apartment building, the conversation trailing off as you prepare to get out. You almost feel like you should’ve said more, but before you can even voice your thoughts, he speaks again.

“Do you have anything to do tomorrow evening?”

You blink, caught off guard by the sudden question. He smirks, amused by your surprise, but before he can say anything else, you cut him off.

“None. Why?” you ask, trying to play it cool, as if you don’t know the answer.

“I was hoping to take you out for dinner, Y/N. It’s been years, and I know I owe you an apology and an explanation.”

You purse your lips, but you fight the smile, pretending to be annoyed. “Good that you know.”

He chuckles, and without another word, he steps out to open the door for you.

The dinner went exactly as planned. It’s Saturday night, and you’re still in disbelief that you’re sitting across from Jungkook after a decade, the same familiar ease between you both. The bond hasn’t shifted; it feels just like it did back then. Can that really be possible?

You never expected that, in a series of random days, you'd reconnect with your long-lost friend and pick up right where you left off, surprisingly comfortable, like no time had passed at all.

To sum up his story, Jungkook left the country a week after graduation due to family matters. He didn’t get into the details, just mentioned family and wealth, and honestly, you didn’t push for more. It didn’t matter. What mattered was that he was here, now.

“Investing? That’s it?” you asked casually, curious about his line of work as you took a sip of your wine.

“Yeah. Why? You sound like you’re doubting me,” he said, narrowing his eyes playfully as he cut into his steak. You quickly shook your head, laughing.

“No, no— I’m not doubting you. It’s just... how do you just invest in a company? What else do you do?”

His lips twitched as if holding back a laugh before he took a bite of his steak.

“With me, it’s possible.”

It’s amazing how much had changed for him. From his fluent English to how smoothly he communicated, he had a way of speaking now; confident and clear. He knew what to talk about and when to hold back. He even went into detail about his business, explaining how he went from nothing to having it all. Apparently, he’s rich rich.

It still blows your mind. He doesn’t just invest locally, but globally, with major stakes in several countries. One of his biggest investments? A multinational tech company in the USA. You googled his name later, and the results were overwhelming; articles, interviews, and profiles. It hit you then: you had no idea.

“I saw Jungkook recently. He’s freaking rich!” you said during a video call with your high school friends on a random Friday evening.

“Oh my god, you did? I thought you knew, Y/N. He’s always in the business news!” Mina, your entrepreneur friend, exclaimed.

“Yeah, I thought you knew too, since you were close to him,” Chloe added as she applied her makeup.

“I would’ve known if you told me,” you said, sarcastically. They all laughed, including Henry, the only guy in your friend group.

They all knew Jungkook, but they were never really close to him. But you try to get them to hang out with him. It was hard, though. He never seemed to fit in with anyone else. He wasn’t exactly open to making friends outside of you.

You didn’t mind being his only friend, but there were times you wished you could hang out with your whole circle without worrying about leaving him alone. You can’t stomach seeing him being alone.

Your first dinner with him turned into another, and then another, until it reached a point where you were seeing him almost every day. Well, it makes sense. He has back-to-back meetings with the CEO and CFO, all to discuss investment deals and company performance. You were shocked when you found out he’d become one of the company’s major shareholders. But, honestly, you shouldn’t have been surprised. With his global investments, your company was just one of many he had stakes in.

You’ve sat through countless meetings with him, being the Investor Relations Analyst, but what truly catches you off guard is how he shifts between playful and serious. Outside the boardroom, he’s relaxed and fun, but the moment he steps into the business world, he’s a different beast; focused, no-nonsense, and damn good at what he does.

“I still can’t believe how different you are in the boardroom. Your 17-year-old self must be so proud,” you joked one time when he invited you over for dinner at his place. You had to add, his “place” wasn’t just any apartment. It was a goddamn penthouse, bigger than your office floor.

His penthouse is airy, with massive windows letting in all the natural light and giving a breathtaking view of the city below. The furniture is minimal; soft neutrals, a simple sofa, a coffee table, and a few essentials. But none of that matters because you can’t wrap your head around how massive his place is.

It’s your third time visiting, and you still haven’t gotten used to how much wealth he’s surrounded by. Back in high school, you knew he had a solid life, but this, this level of luxury? You never imagined it. Sure, his family’s wealth played a part, but it was his own hustle that built the wealth he’s sitting on now. He mentioned once that part of the reason he went back to Korea was for his family’s business, but he didn’t go into detail.

“You really can’t stop talking about how different I am now, can you?” he teased as he smiled, removing his coat and loosening his tie. Both of you came straight from the meeting, and here you were again, in his penthouse. You shook your head, unable to stop smiling.

“You’ve definitely changed,” you shrugged playfully as he walked to the kitchen island to prep dinner.

“I plan to cook kimchi stew. You mentioned that you want me to cook it again.” he said, pulling out the ingredients one by one.

“Ah, you remembered,” you smiled, feeling a bit giddy. “Do you need help?”

He flashed that smile of his, shaking his head. “Nah. You relax. Dinner’s on me.”

“I really do want to help, though,” you said, walking over to him. “You always cook for us.”

He stared at you for a moment, a soft smile tugging at his lips, before nodding and grabbing the tofu and green onions.

“Alright, fine,” he chuckled. “You can slice these.” He placed them on the counter, then grabbed an apron and slowly slipped it over your head.

Your heart started to race, feeling the warmth of his hands as they adjusted the straps around your back. You barely breathed as he tied the apron, feeling like an electric current shot through you when his hand grazed your skin.

“While you do that, I’ll prepare the kimchi,” he said, turning around with a grin before walking to the fridge.

With his back to you, as he chopped the kimchi, you were frozen. You could feel your heart hammering, and your stomach doing flips, but you couldn’t move an inch. What the hell was happening to you?

There’s this strange flutter in your stomach, something you can’t quite put into words. You don’t move, not until he finally glances back at you. You flash a quick, awkward smile, trying to shake off the odd tension before turning your focus to the tofu, hoping it’ll distract you from the feeling you can't shake.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Henry’s birthday party was in full swing at one of the biggest clubs in the city. Nothing new there. Clubbing was pretty much a tradition whenever you and your friends had extra cash to burn. The last time you went was a work event, which sucked because most of your coworkers were too old to actually enjoy the club. Tonight, though? Different story. The music was loud, the drinks were flowing, and you were exactly where you wanted to be; wrapped around Chloe’s shoulder, screaming lyrics at the top of your lungs.

Feeling a bit worn out, you drop into a seat, chugging your drink while mindlessly scrolling through your phone. Three messages from Jungkook. One missed call.

Jungkook: Wanna have dinner tonight? We can do it at your place since you’re fussing about me not visiting your place hahaha

Jungkook: Heyyy?

Jungkook: Oh, I didn’t know you were with your friends. Sorry to bother you.

Shit. You checked the timestamps, first message at 7 PM, second at 9 PM, and the last one just fifteen minutes ago. The missed call? Right after the second text.

How did he even know you were out? You clicked on your Instagram story. Viewed. Of course.

You quickly typed out a response, apologizing for not replying sooner.

Jungkook: No worries, Y/N 🙂

That’s when it hit you, almost everyone from high school was here, even the ones who barely talked to Henry. But Jungkook wasn’t. You scanned the crowd before glancing back at your phone, staring at his last message.

Should you feel bad? Maybe. He used to hang out with your group sometimes, but Henry was the one throwing the party. You couldn’t exactly tell him who to invite. Still, a small part of you felt guilty. Jungkook had been a part of your high school life, and it felt weird that he wasn’t here too.

“Y/N, what’s up with you? You’re spacing out,” Mina suddenly appeared beside you.

“Nothing,” you said, forcing a smile.

She peeked at your phone. “Who are you texting?”

“No one, just reading a message from Jungkook,” you answered, locking your screen. “By the way, did Henry invite everyone from high school?”

Mina shrugged. “I guess?”

“Did he invite Jungkook?”

“I doubt it.”

“Why?”

Mina chimed in, laughing. “Girl, he’s a fucking millionaire. You really think he has time for this?”

Your jaw tightened. “You guys used to hang out with him at least once.”

She raised a brow. “Then ask Henry, not me.” She patted your back before disappearing into the crowd.

You sighed, staring at Jungkook’s last message. Maybe Mina was right. He probably didn’t care about not being invited. He had more important things to do than go clubbing with his former high school classmates. But another part of you wasn’t so sure.

Your phone buzzed again.

Jungkook: You must be having fun, leaving me on read hahaha

Oh, fuck.

You: Hahaha I’m sorry. I’m trying to sober up. What are you doing

Jungkook: You’re drunk already? Who are you going home with?

You: I’m good haha I’m going home with my friends. Let’s have dinner tomorrow.

Jungkook: How are you going home with them if they’re also drunk?

You weren’t drunk, just tipsy. But if Jungkook thought you were drunk, then maybe you’d actually get drunk trying to prove otherwise.

Jungkook: Do you want me to fetch you?

You: It’s okay, Kook. I can manage. My friends aren’t drunk. We’re fine.

No reply. You reread your messages, sipping your whiskey, assuming he’d drop it. But then—

Jungkook: I’ll go there and wait until you’re done so I can drive you home.

Your stomach did a weird flip. You don’t know what or how to feel. There are a lot of thoughts that are running in your head and you don’t know what to entertain first.

It had been almost a year since you started hanging out again, and you weren’t going to lie, you liked the way he looked after you. How he always checked in, insisted on driving you so you wouldn’t have to take the bus, how he cooked for you without you even asking. Hell, you’d eat anything he made, even dishes you normally hated. There was something about his effort, his presence, that made your heart race just a little.

And now, he was coming to pick you up.

But then there was the other part, the part where he’d be stepping into a club full of his old high school classmates who didn’t even think to invite him. It didn’t sit right with you. If he came here, would it remind him of how things used to be? Would it make him feel out of place?

There was no way in hell you were going to make him wait around for you to finish partying in a place he should’ve been invited to in the first place.

You took a deep breath and texted back:

You: Okay.

Then you locked your phone, downed the rest of your drink, and got up to rejoin your friends. Might as well enjoy the last few moments before Jungkook arrived.

“I have to go soon, Henry,” you lied. “Charlie’s home. He might wake up looking for me.” You added, using your nephew as an excuse.

Henry frowned. “You never said you were babysitting tonight. That sucks. I’ll grab my keys and—”

You cut him off. “No need. Jungkook’s driving me home.”

Henry stopped, then smirked. “Wow. Are you dating him already? You should’ve invited him.”

You rolled your eyes. “You’re the birthday boy. That was your job, not mine.”

The moment your friends heard you were leaving, they wasted no time plotting your downfall. Before you could even argue, Henry was in front of you, bottle in hand, while Chloe grabbed your head like a coach hyping up their star player, and Mina? She was already recording.

"One last shot! Well, bottle, for the road!" Henry announced, grinning like a devil.

You groaned, but resistance was pointless. The moment the bottle tilted, the cheers erupted around you. The burn hit instantly, but damn, it felt good. Who knew last-minute drinking could be this satisfying?

It only took Jungkook 15 minutes to get there. As soon as he texted that he’d arrived, you wasted no time saying your goodbyes. You didn’t really want to leave yet, but making him wait for the party to end at 6 a.m. wasn’t an option. It was barely 1 a.m., and the night was just getting started, but you weren’t about to let him stand around outside just for your sake.

Stepping out of the club, the pounding bass faded behind you, but the street was still alive with music, neon lights, and crowds spilling out of bars. It was a Saturday night, prime time for people to party, and leaving early kind of sucked.

You hadn’t even replied to Jungkook’s last message, but it wasn’t hard to spot him. He was leaning against his car, parked right in front of the club, eyes glued to his phone. Just as you were about to call out to him, your phone buzzed. His name lit up the screen.

The moment he heard the ringtone, he looked up, and when his eyes landed on you, his whole face lit up, his smile stretching wide. You laughed, shaking your head. This man.

“Did you miss me that much?” you teased, walking over.

“You weren’t answering my texts,” he shot back, grinning as he slipped his phone into his back pocket.

“I figured I’d just answer you in person,” you said with a chuckle, opening the passenger door. “Let’s go?”

“Wait, you’re actually done for the night?” he asked, surprised.

“Yeah. I sobered up, and I’m not really in the mood to drink anymore, so I might as well head home,” you shrugged before sliding into the car.

“You sure? Henry might be pissed you’re leaving early,” he said, settling into the driver’s seat.

“Nah, trust me, he won’t,” you laughed, clicking your seatbelt.

Jungkook reached behind his seat and pulled out a bottle of water, twisting off the cap before handing it to you.

“Here. Drink some water. Stay hydrated.” He gave you a small smile, and for some reason, it completely threw you off. You should take the water, but your body wouldn’t budge. Your fingers twitched, and your mind screamed at you to move, but all you could do was stare, caught in the moment, caught in him.

And before you could think twice, you leaned in.

His lips met yours, warm and soft, and everything else faded. A little water spilled from the bottle onto your thigh, but you barely noticed. All you could focus on was the way he felt against you, the way your heart pounded like a drum in your chest.

Your head swayed slightly, the tequila still messing with your balance, but you weren’t sure if it was the alcohol or just the way his lips tasted.

Then it hit you.

Your eyes snapped open, and you jerked back, hand flying to your mouth.

“Shit—sorry—”

Before you even finished your sentence, he pulled you towards him, pressing his lips on yours. He pulled you so close, his hand wrapped around your nape, gently holding you in place, and you melted into the kiss, closing your eyes.

His lips moved against yours hungrily, and the realization sent a shiver down your spine. Your fingers found their way to his hair, gripping it lightly.

Jungkook broke the kiss, breathing heavily as he leaned his forehead against yours. His fingers found the back of your head, his touch so gentle that it sent shivers down your spine.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” he murmured, as you shook your head.

“I should be the one saying sorry.” You chuckled a little. He smiled, rubbing your cheek gently with his thumb.

He leaned in, his lips grazing yours before he claimed your lips in a slow, sensual kiss. It was different from the previous ones, more controlled yet passionate. His free hand moved to cup your face, his fingers tracing small circles on your cheek, and you felt your body melt into his touch.

Everything blurred together in a rush, you were in the car, and the next, the city lights flickered past as Jungkook drove in silence. It wasn’t until he pulled into a familiar parking garage that reality sank in.

You were supposed to be heading home, but instead, you found yourself in front of his apartment building.

Maybe his place was closer to the club. It made sense.

Jungkook parked the car in the underground parking lot of his apartment building, the engine purring to a stop. You were both panting heavily, the atmosphere inside the car was filled with tension. He turned to look at you, his gaze intense and darkened with desire.

"We should go upstairs." He said softly.

As soon as the door slams shut behind them, Jungkook pulls you close, his hands gripping your hips tightly. Your bodies are pressed up against each other, and the heat between you is intense.

He kisses you hungrily, his tongue slipping into your mouth as he backs you up against the wall. Your fingers clutch at his shirt, removing the fabric in your grip as you try to bring him even closer.

Then he breaks the kiss, his breathing heavy as he leans his forehead against yours.

He took a deep breath, his fingers still gripping your hips tightly. His eyes roamed your face, taking in every detail, and his gaze fixed on your eyes.

“I like you, Y/N. Even before.” He said, almost sounding like a whisper, but it sounded so clear.

With a swift motion, he lifted you, wrapping your legs around his waist. You were surprised at the sudden movement, but he held you tightly. He carried you towards the living room, his lips finding your neck as he continued to press hot kisses on your skin.

His apartment windows stretched across the room, but the city lights outside barely reached in, leaving most of the space cloaked in shadow.

He gently placed you on the couch, his body lingers above yours, arms locking you in.

His lips found yours again, his tongue exploring your mouth as if he couldn't get enough of you. His body pressed against yours, leaving no space between you, and you could feel the heat radiating from him.

Your fingers gripped his biceps, your nails biting into his flesh as you tried to hold back the sounds threatening to escape your lips. His mouth continued to explore your neck, his kisses and gentle bites sending waves of pleasure through you.

Jungkook quickly removed your dress before pushing you back onto the couch and capturing your lips in a deep, passionate kiss. Your hands roamed freely along each other's bodies, as he trailed kisses down your neck.

You couldn’t quite piece together the exact steps you took to end up here, but damn, you weren’t complaining. Everything felt perfect, from the way he touched you to the way he spoke to you. And even as your mind wandered, wondering if you'd regret any of it later, you shoved that thought aside. For now, you were savoring every single moment.

You woke up to sunlight streaming through the window, too bright, almost blinding. You blinked a few times, trying to shake off the haze of sleep, only to realize that this wasn’t your room. You didn’t need to check to know exactly where you were. The familiar warmth beside you told you everything you needed to know.

Your gaze lingered on him. Jungkook, still asleep, lying on his stomach. Both of you were tangled under a duvet, skin against skin, the night’s events replaying in your mind. It had been unexpected, but you weren’t regretting it. Not one bit. Out of all the men in your life, he was the one who’d made you feel truly at ease during the most intimate moment.

You couldn’t stop thinking about what he said last night. His words still echoed in your ears.

“I like you, Y/N.”

You reached out, gently brushing his hair, feeling the smooth strands between your fingers. You couldn’t help but feel a little foolish for not noticing how he’d felt before, but now, it didn’t matter. You weren’t going to waste time overanalyzing his feelings.

But damn, if you had known sooner...

You couldn’t help but laugh at the thought. Would you have really done things differently? Probably not. Maybe back in high school, there was nothing there. But now? With how ridiculously handsome and damn near perfect he looked? Hell, you couldn’t deny it.

Life is simple, and so is your relationship with Jungkook.

After that night, there was no overthinking, no awkward tension. You both just went with it. Dating him felt natural, almost effortless. And let’s be real, you weren’t about to let him fuck you if it wasn’t going to lead somewhere.

It still blows your mind how much things have changed in just a year. You reconnected with an old high school friend, found out he’s stupidly rich, and now? You’re dating him.

You thought dating Jungkook wouldn’t feel much different from being his friend, but damn, you were wrong. In the best way possible.

Every morning, without fail, he texts you a sweet “good morning,” even when he’s miles away on a business trip. He brings you little gifts just because, takes you out on weekly dates, and surprises you with flowers for no reason at all. Even when he’s drowning in work, he always makes time for you, whether it’s at his place or yours. And most especially, he really knows how to make you feel good. He already knows what you love to do and what’s not. He knows when to stop and when to go on. Sometimes, he feels so perfect that you catch yourself wondering if he’s even real.

One morning, after spending the night at his place (which, at this point, is almost every night), you wake up to the soft press of his lips against your skin.

“Morning, love,” he murmurs, fingertips brushing your cheek.

You mumble a sleepy, “Morning.”

“I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.�� He peppers kisses along your face, neck, and arms.

You groan a little, still half-asleep, but you knew this was coming. He’s heading to a business conference out of town, just for the day, but it still sucks that he’s leaving on your day off. You had already planned to head back to your own place anyway, clean up, and maybe just exist in your own space for a while.

“Mm-kay,” you mumble, trying to bury yourself back into the sheets. But Jungkook, being Jungkook, doesn’t stop kissing you, making it impossible to stay asleep. You finally cracked an eye open, shooting him an annoyed look, and making him laugh.

“You should wake up now. I made you breakfast. Eat before it gets cold,” he says, dropping a kiss on your forehead before heading toward the door. “Bye, love. I love you.”

Still groggy, you nod. “I love you too. Take care.”

Once he’s gone, you follow through with your plan, breakfast, then heading home.

The second you step inside your apartment, it’s painfully obvious you haven’t been around much. It smells like it’s been abandoned, and the state of it isn’t much better—clothes piled on your bed, untouched documents scattered across the dining table. A mess, but a familiar one.

As much as you love staying with Jungkook, there’s something comforting about being in your own space. No one to answer to, no one to accommodate, just you, doing whatever the hell you want. Jungkook has asked you to move in with him more times than you can count, but you always say no. Not because you don’t love being with him, but because you love having a place that’s yours. A space to retreat to when you just need to be alone.

The only thing you hadn’t planned for today was your friends ambushing you with an invite to go out tonight.

Your friend group never really schedules hangouts; it just sort of happens. You could go weeks, even a month, without a single message, and then, out of nowhere, someone’s in the mood for a drink or dinner, and suddenly, it’s a plan. Not everyone always makes it, of course. Life gets in the way. But when the stars align and most of you are free, you all try your best to show up.

"Come on, Y/N," Mina whined through the phone. "The last time we saw you was four months ago. And don’t even try to make excuses, you literally just said you’re at home."

You groaned, throwing yourself onto the couch. "Mina, I just spent all day cleaning. I’m exhausted."

"Then we’ll just invite ourselves over!" She laughed, knowing exactly how to push your buttons.

"What the hell, no! I’m not letting you guys trash my place after I spent the whole day making it spotless!"

"Then get dressed and come out with us!" she shot back. "Dinner and drinks. We miss you."

She wasn’t wrong. You missed them too. You’d skipped out on a lot of meet-ups lately—not intentionally, but between work and, well, spending nearly all your free time with Jungkook, your social life had definitely taken a hit. The only time you weren’t with him was when you were at the office.

So, after some back and forth, you gave in. You sent Jungkook a quick text letting him know you were heading out with your friends, though he hadn’t responded yet. He was probably still busy with his conference.

Now, almost 9 p.m., you were sitting in a pub downtown, catching up with your friends over drinks. The place was buzzing with weekend energy, and despite the last-minute plans, it felt good to be here.

“Even though I try to convince myself that we still have something left, I just don’t feel it anymore,” Chloe admitted, swirling her drink in her hand. The conversation had taken a turn toward her struggling relationship. Everyone listened intently.

“We’ve both gotten so caught up in our own responsibilities that we barely connect anymore," she continued, her voice even, like she had already made peace with it.

You studied her face, searching for some sign of heartbreak, but she just looked… tired. Maybe even indifferent.

Chloe was a fashion model, and her boyfriend was a marine engineer. Their lives had been moving in different directions for a while now. The long distance, the fading feelings, it had all been dragging on for too long.

“If you’re not happy, why stay?” Mina asked, echoing what everyone was probably thinking. "This has been going on for two years, Chloe. Maybe it’s time to let go. We’re not getting any younger."

The weight of the conversation made you pause.

It got you thinking about Jungkook. About your relationship.

You’d been with him for half a year now, and honestly, things had been good. No major problems, no doubts. Just happiness. Just him.

But how long would it stay that way?

What would your problems even be? What could you possibly fight about? Could your love for him fade the way Chloe’s did for her boyfriend?

The thought unsettled you.

Before you could get lost in it, your phone rang. The table fell silent as everyone glanced at you. You quickly grabbed it, checking the caller ID.

Jungkook.

You excused yourself and stepped outside, pressing the phone to your ear.

"Hey, Kook," you greeted softly, staring down at your feet.

“You’re out?” His voice was calm, but there was something off about it.

"I sent you a message," you said, glancing through the pub’s window at your friends. "I’m with my friends."

“I’m at your place.”

Your breath hitched. "I thought you were coming home tomorrow?"

"The conference ended at seven. I decided to drive back instead of staying overnight." His tone was flat, unreadable.

“Oh.” You fidgeted with the hem of your top.

“I came straight to your apartment, thinking you’d be there,” he added. “But you weren’t.”

You hesitated. "Mina invited us out. It was last minute, but everyone was free, so…"

"I didn’t see your message until I got here."

You weren’t sure where this was going, but before you could say anything, he spoke again.

"Are you heading home soon?" His voice was calm, but you could sense the impatience laced within it.

"I'm… not sure," you admitted, just as Henry stepped outside, lighting a cigarette.

"Who are you talking to?" Henry asked casually.

"Jungkook," you said, turning your back to him. “I think we’ll end at ten or eleven. Depends on their mood.” You added to Jungkook.

Henry took a drag of his cigarette, chuckling. "Chloe wants to go clubbing after this. We’ll probably be out past eleven."

You shot him an annoyed look. "Move away. I don’t want to inhale your cigarette."

He just laughed, stepping back into the pub.

"I'm not sure what time this will end," you told Jungkook. "If you want, you can rest in my room. I just cleaned everything." You tried to lighten the mood, but he sighed on the other end.

“Y/N, it’s late. You should rest. You’ve had a long day.”

His voice was gentle, but something about it felt off.

"I’ll be home before eleven," you promised. "You should rest too."

“I’ll just pick you up.”

You blinked. "No, it’s fine. Henry said he’d drive me home."

Silence. Then—

“Really?” His voice dripped with sarcasm.

You frowned. "What?"

“I don’t know. Just doesn’t sit right with me. The idea of you letting another man drive you home while your boyfriend is literally waiting at your place.”

You sighed, frustration creeping in. "Jungkook, it’s Henry. You know him."

"Okay then," he said, the edge in his voice sharp enough to cut. "I’ll just rest. Bye."

And then he hung up.

You stared at your phone, stunned.

The hell was that?

Jungkook was never the jealous type. He knew Henry. He knew there was nothing between you two. So why was he suddenly acting like this?

Maybe he was just exhausted. After all, he’d driven almost four hours straight after a long business trip.

Still, something about that call left you uneasy.

As soon as you stepped back inside, you grabbed your things and announced, “Jungkook’s at my place. He’s looking for me.”

Your friends exchanged glances, and their curiosity arose.

Mina gently grabbed your wrist, stopping you mid-motion. “Then let him wait. I thought he was out of town for business?”

“He went home right after,” you replied.

Henry took a slow sip of his beer before butting in. “That still doesn’t explain why you’re running off.”

Chloe narrowed her eyes. “Did you two fight?”

You shook your head a little too quickly. “I just really need to go.”

Mina arched a brow, arms crossed. “So, you’re just leaving? Again? You did the same thing last time when you said you were coming over, but surprise, Jungkook had plans, and we never saw you.”

You flinched at her words because, well… she wasn’t wrong. You had bailed on them before, not intentionally, but it still happened.

“I know, and I apologized,” you said, voice softer now.

Mina scoffed. “Right, and now you’re ditching us again?”

You hesitated. A part of you wanted to stay, but what was the point if your mind was already elsewhere? Jungkook was at your place, waiting. And the way he sounded earlier… something felt off. You wouldn’t be able to enjoy yourself knowing that.

“I’m sorry. I swear I’ll make it up to you,” you said, rushing to press a quick kiss on their cheeks before grabbing your things.

Henry even offered to drive you home, but you shut that down immediately. No way in hell were you making things worse.

You tried calling Jungkook and then texting, but he didn’t answer. Not even once.

Did he stay? Did he leave? Was he sleeping or ignoring you on purpose?

You had no idea. All you knew was that you needed to get home. Fast.

The moment you step inside your apartment, you don’t need any grand gestures to tell you Jungkook is here. His shoes are neatly tucked in the corner and his coat draped over the couch’s hand rest.

You opened the lights, scanning the room, but you already know where he is. Your bedroom door is closed, and something in the air tells you he’s behind it.

For a moment, you hesitate. Then, without overthinking, you twist the doorknob and step inside.

There he is.

Stretched out on your bed, sound asleep. The bed that fits you just right somehow looks too small with him in it, his presence making the room feel both full and impossibly small. A soft glow from your bedside lamp casts delicate shadows across his face, highlighting his perfect features.

You step closer and notice he’s already changed into the clothes he keeps here, a reminder of how often your space has become his, too. Whenever you choose to stay here, he chooses to stay with you.

You can feel the shift in the air before he even stirs. After watching him sleep for a few quiet moments, he moves, his eyes fluttering open and landing on you almost instantly.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" you ask softly.

He sits up slowly, rubbing the sleep from his eyes before shaking his head. "You’re back? I thought you were staying out longer." His voice is low and laced with sleep, but as he stands to press a gentle kiss to your forehead, you search his expression for any lingering annoyance. He seems calm now, so maybe whatever tension was there before has faded.

"You wanted me to come home, right?" You meet his gaze, trying to read him.

"Yeah, but if you really wanted to stay out, you didn’t have to leave early," he replies easily.

"But you wanted me home," you counter, brows slightly furrowed.

"I did. But I didn’t force you, did I? I told you I’d rest, and I did." His tone is matter-of-fact, like the answer is obvious.

"Then why did you sound so irritated? You didn’t force me, sure, but you acted like you were pissed." You pull back, doing your best to keep your voice steady.

"I'm not irritated. I'm just worried that you were out late and I wasn’t around. That’s it."

And now, his tone says otherwise.

You just stare at him, at the way his frustration lingers in the air, thick and heavy. The whole situation is fucked, and you don’t even know how to respond.

You want to be mad, but you can’t figure out if you even have a reason to be. You want to walk out, slam the door behind you, let him deal with whatever this is on his own. But you don’t move.

You just stand there. Watching. Waiting.

After a moment, he lets out a breath, his shoulders easing. When he meets your eyes again, the tension between you starts to fade.

Without another word, he steps forward, closing the space between you. His arms wrap around you from behind, pulling you in as his warmth.

His lips find your neck, brushing against it before pressing soft kisses along your skin, his grip tightens around you.

"Look, I’m sorry, Y/N," he murmurs against your skin. "I’m just tired. And when I got home, all I wanted was to see you, but you weren’t here."

Another kiss. Then another.

That night was filled with quiet embraces and soft kisses. You let him hold you until sleep takes over, as if the tension from earlier had never existed.

A lingering thought sits at the back of your mind, something unspoken, but you push it aside, choosing to sleep it away.

By the next day, everything falls back into place. No more arguments, no tension, just the usual life of being with him in his space. You had worried that the disagreement might leave a crack, but just like you, he let it go.

You find yourself falling for him even more. Not just for the way he listens, but for how he truly understands you. For the way he always makes sure you're okay, making life with him feel effortless.

Days turn into weeks, weeks into months, and with every passing moment, your love for him only deepens. It still feels surreal, to have someone like Jungkook; a man who loves you in all the right ways. A man so close to perfect, you struggle to find a single flaw. It sounds almost too good to be true, yet here you are, living it.

But perfection is an illusion. No one is truly flawless. Sometimes, love makes you see only what you want to see, painting over imperfections with rose-colored strokes. Maybe it’s because you love him so much that you’ve convinced yourself he’s perfect. Maybe, without realizing it, you’ve chosen not to notice the flaws.

You take a deep breath, eyes lingering on Chloe’s Instagram story. A picture of her, Mina, and Henry on the hiking trip you had all planned together. A trip you were supposed to be on. It had been set in since last year, but in the end, you stayed behind. Because Jungkook didn’t want you to go.

As much as you hate to admit it, it frustrates you. He had brushed it off as concern, calling it too dangerous, even though the trail was a well-known tourist spot with guides and safety measures in place. You hadn’t even asked for his permission, just informed him of your plans, but he shut it down anyway. And that sucked.

But you didn’t push. The moment you sensed his growing irritation, you backed off, not wanting to turn it into something bigger.

“It’s okay, love. We’ll plan a hiking trip together. I just don’t want you going without me, I’d go insane worrying about you,” Is the only thing he says before he showers you with kisses.

To be fair, he did follow through. A week after your friends went, he took you on your own hiking trip, just the two of you. It wasn’t the same trail, but the effort was there, and you genuinely appreciated it. Still, no matter how much you tried to shake it, a part of you couldn’t ignore the longing in your chest, the part that wished you had gone with them.

It was a Tuesday afternoon in the thick of summer when your phone buzzed with a call from your father. He was asking you to come home for his birthday dinner. Of course, you hadn’t forgotten his special day, but the invitation itself was unexpected.

Your dad never really made a big deal out of his birthday. It was usually just him, your mom, and sometimes the kids—your sister's son and daughter. Sure, you’d been home to celebrate milestone birthdays like his 50th and 55th, but now he was only turning 57, and you were curious why he suddenly wanted you home for dinner.

The train ride would take two hours, but that wasn’t the issue. It was the thought of telling Jungkook. You hadn’t introduced him to your family yet, despite dating for a whole year. You wanted to, of course, but this was not the right time now that Jungkook was out of the country for business.

You really wanted to visit your dad for his birthday, but you weren’t sure if Jungkook would let you.

Yeah, it sounds kind of messed up, but he’s been getting stricter about where you go, especially if it’s somewhere he’s not with you. They might suggest, "Why not just invite him?" But, of course, he’s out of the country right now, so that’s not even an option.

You thought about not telling him at all, but you knew you’d feel guilty. And if you were being honest, he’d find out eventually, somehow. He always did.

So, you decided to bite the bullet and just let him know you were heading home to celebrate with your dad. You sent a quick message, figuring it was easier than calling, especially since he was probably busy. Plus, you honestly didn’t want to deal with his reaction over the phone.

But, of course, he called you right after the message was sent.

“Yes, Kook?” You answered, nervously biting your nails.

“You said you’re going home for your dad’s birthday?” He asked, his voice laced with uncertainty as you tried to figure out his mood.

“Yeah, he called me out of nowhere for dinner tonight.” You replied, absentmindedly playing with your lips, hoping the casual tone would ease the tension.

“How are you getting there? I’ll be home tomorrow evening.”

“It’s fine. Just a train ride, nothing to worry about.”

You wanted to reassure him in a single breath; that you’d be fine, that it was safe, and if it got late, you could always stay overnight. But for some reason, the words wouldn’t come.

“Can’t you just go over the weekend? We could go together. You have work tomorrow anyway.” His voice held that familiar, persuasive tone, trying to talk you out of it.

“Today’s his birthday, and he asked me to be there.”

You wished you had more energy to push back, to explain how important it was to you, but honestly, if he didn’t want you to go, then whatever.

“Okay.”

His response caught you off guard, almost so much that you didn’t hear it at first.

“What?”

“You can go. It’s your dad’s birthday. I just want you to take care of yourself on the ride, okay?”

You paused, not quite believing what you were hearing. No argument? No complaints? You almost wondered if he was playing some mind game, letting you go without any resistance.

“Love, it’s your father. Of course, I’ll let you go. Sure, I’m worried about your safety, but I don’t want you to miss his birthday.”

You felt a mix of relief and confusion. So, you excitedly planned the trip, knowing you’d make it home to see your dad. You even considered staying over if it got too late, just to catch the first train back in the morning.

It had been years since you last saw your parents, the last visit being when they came to the city for a doctor’s appointment and to check up on you, of course.

Before heading home, you stopped by a few shops to pick out gifts—not just for your dad, but for the whole family. A little something for your mom, your sister, and of course, the biggest gifts went to your niece and nephew. You missed them, and choosing things that reminded you of them felt like a small way to show it.

The train ride was uneventful, quieter than usual, probably because it was just an ordinary weekday. As soon as you arrived, you were met with warm hugs and excited voices. You handed out the gifts—clothes, perfume, and a wristwatch for the adults, and toys for the little ones.

“I don’t even remember the last time I saw you!” your sister, Alice, said as you all gathered around the dining table.

You laughed, reaching for a serving of food. “I know. Last time I saw you, you weren’t this fit. Damn, what are you even taking?” you teased, watching her roll her eyes.

“Y/N, how have you been? How’s work?” your dad asked, cutting into his steak. Then, with a teasing smirk, he added, “I heard you’ve got a boyfriend now.”

Your mom chuckled, clearly amused.

“Work’s been good! Actually, I just got promoted and got a salary increase,” you said with a proud grin.

“Well, duh. That’s because your boyfriend is literally one of the major stakeholders,” Alice said, raising a knowing eyebrow while taking a bite of her food.

She wasn’t wrong. Even though she lived far away, you always kept in touch, and out of everyone, she was the one who knew the most about your relationship.

“Wow, he sounds like a big deal. Why didn’t you bring him?” your mom asked with a smile.

“He’s in France for a business trip,” you replied simply.

Half of the dinner conversation revolved around Jungkook. It felt good to talk about him, to say his name out loud in a space where you didn’t have to think too much about anything else. It reminded you why you loved him, why you chose to be with him. You usually only talked about him with Alice or Chloe. Mina and Henry, on the other hand, weren’t as eager to hear about him.

You knew why. They thought you had changed, that you’d become distant since you started dating Jungkook. And, well… they weren’t entirely wrong. You weren’t as available as you used to be. It wasn’t always because of Jungkook, but if you were being honest, a lot of the time, it was. Either you already had plans with him, or he just didn’t want you to go.

Sometimes, you wondered if that was normal. But every time the thought crossed your mind, you brushed it off before it could linger too long. Overthinking would only stress you out, and honestly, it was easier to just let it go.

As the evening passed, you felt completely at ease surrounded by your family. It had been so long since you’d had the chance to truly relax and catch up with everyone. Alice, living just a few blocks away, always stayed in the town with her husband while you ventured to the city. She had no need to move away, especially since her husband worked while she stayed home with the kids. You were happy for them, but you also missed these moments of simple, unhurried connection.

You were lounging on the couch when Alice walked in from the kitchen, holding her phone. She raised an eyebrow at you as she approached.

“Why aren’t you checking your phone? Jungkook called me, asking about you. He said you’ve been ignoring his calls.”

Oh shit.

Your stomach dropped. You’d completely forgotten about your phone. You scrambled off the couch, rushing to grab your bag from the dining room.

You pulled your phone out, and sure enough, Jungkook’s name flashed on the screen. Without wasting a second, you picked up the call.

“Love,” you said, your voice faltering just a little.

“Where the hell are you?” His voice was harsh, and instantly your heart started pounding.

You blinked, taken aback by his tone. “I’m at my parents’ house,” you said, trying to keep it calm.

“Then why the hell are you not answering your phone? I’ve been trying to reach you for hours! You didn’t even let me know if you made it there safely!” His words were sharp.

You winced at the force in his voice but tried to explain, “I’m sorry, I didn’t have time—”

“And what the fuck was that story you posted? You’re not at your parents’ house.”

What the fuck?

Your stomach flipped. “What are you talking about? I’m with my parents. You even spoke to my sister, didn’t you?”

“I’m not stupid, Y/N. I know what you’re doing. God knows how you and she planned this to make me think you’re at your parents.”

The words hit you like a slap. Your breath caught in your throat.

Then it hit you. Your Instagram story. It was a story you reposted from Mina six hours ago, with Chloe and Henry. It was a photo from last week, but Mina had just posted it, and you thought it was cute enough to share.

“That was from last week, Jungkook,” you said, your voice ice-cold.

“Oh yeah? And how the hell are you gonna prove that? You’ve ignored me all night!” His voice had grown louder, angrier.

“Are you serious?! If I were doing something behind your back, I wouldn’t leave a damn trace!” you snapped, the frustration bubbling over.

“And when have I ever lied to you, huh?!” Your voice shook with anger. “Even when I know you won’t let me go, I still ask permission from you, like I’m some damn kid! I don’t have to do that, but I still do it because I love you!”

There was a pause, thick with tension, and you could hear his harsh breathing on the other end. After a beat, he spoke again, colder than before.

“Prove it. Prove it to me, Y/N.” He said, provoking you.

You could feel your chest tightening, the anger in you rising. “I’m not proving anything to you, Jeon,” you hissed, the words slipping from your mouth before you could stop them.

You hung up without saying anything else, your fingers shaking as you looked at the screen. Leaning against the wall, you took deep breaths, trying to calm yourself. You couldn’t believe what had just happened. The anger was there, but it was the growing unease that made your heart beat faster.

Before you can even process what just happened, your phone starts ringing again. His name flashes on the screen, but you don’t hesitate; you shut it off and shove it into your bag.

Alice steps into the kitchen, her eyes scanning your face with concern. “What was that?” she asks, gently rubbing your back.

You straighten up, hands on your hips, exhaling as you stare at the ceiling. Before you can answer, Alice’s phone buzzes in her hand. She holds it up, showing you the screen. Your stomach twists at the familiar number. Unregistered, but you already know exactly who it is.

“Block him, Alice,” you say, your voice firm. Without hesitation, she does.

“What happened? We heard you arguing with him,” she asks, her voice low.

With your frustration, you pull out a chair at the dining table and sink into it, burying your face in your hands. You take a deep breath, trying to shake off the lingering anger. “The audacity to call me a liar,” you mutter.

You’ve always listened to him. Let him have a say in your decisions. Let him decide when and where you can go. Let him tell you what’s best. You’ve given him control over so much of your life, and yet he still finds a reason to doubt you.

How messed up is that?

He didn’t even stop to talk things through. Just jumped straight to accusations. No hesitation, no second-guessing; just straight-up assuming the worst.

And the worst part? It’s your dad’s birthday. Instead of enjoying the night with your family, you’re sitting here, fuming over an argument that never should’ve happened in the first place. Over words, you never thought he’d say.

But maybe… maybe this is your fault too.

If you had just let him know when you arrived. If you had updated him like he always asks. If you hadn’t reposted that stupid story from Mina; one that, to him, made it look like you weren’t where you said you’d be.

And the worst thing? He doesn’t even know you actually did see them that day. It was just a quick visit to Mina’s apartment, barely an hour. Not a big deal. Not something worth mentioning.

Still, even if you messed up, does that really justify him doubting you like this? Assuming the worst without even asking?

You know you’re not perfect, but you also know one thing for sure; you would never do what he’s accusing you of. Not in a million years.

You decided to spend the night at your parents’ house. Even Alice stayed, not wanting to leave you alone with your thoughts. Going back to your place, where silence would only make things worse, wasn’t an option. At least here, you had distractions; family, conversation, anything to keep your mind from spiraling.

Before everything with Jungkook happened, you had planned to catch the earliest trip home so you could make it to work. But after that argument, there was no way. The idea of facing a normal day felt impossible. You sent in a sick leave request instead.

Alice slid a glass of beer toward you, watching as you picked it up. “Are you living with him now?” she asked, her tone casual but laced with curiosity.

You rolled your eyes before taking a sip. “I told you not to bring him up.”

“I’m just asking. You always say you barely sleep at your own place.”

She had a point. And she had also convinced you to drink with her, claiming it’d help lighten your mood. You weren’t exactly feeling up for it, but she was persistent, and since you weren’t going to work tomorrow, so you figured, why not?

“I stay at his place a lot, but I still go home whenever I want.”

Alice snorted. “That’s literally just living together, but with extra steps.”

“It’s not if I still have my own apartment.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” She smirked, then grabbed her phone, scrolling for a song. As music filled the space, she glanced at you again. “You know, from what you’ve told me, he seems nice. But still… be careful. No matter how long you’ve been with someone, you never really know them.”

She wasn’t wrong.

It had only been two years since you reconnected with Jungkook. It felt like a long time, but was it enough to really know who he was?

Now that you thought about it, there was a lot you didn’t know.

His job? You knew he dealt with big companies, something about stakeholders, but the details were always vague.

His family? He never talked about them.

His past? Barely mentioned.

Even something as big as whether he planned to stay here or go back to Korea, he never really said. And you never pushed, assuming he’d tell you when he was ready.

But still… you couldn’t help but wonder.

You woke up with a headache; not from drinking too much, just from barely sleeping. You had tossed and turned all night, your thoughts refusing to let you rest. And now, after barely two hours of sleep, you were already awake.

Staying in bed was tempting, but lying there only meant giving your mind more time to replay last night’s argument. So, with a deep sigh, you forced yourself up and headed downstairs for breakfast.

Before you even reached the dining hall, you heard voices—loud, cheerful conversation. Strange. It wasn’t just your family. Maybe some neighbors had stopped by, or a distant relative had come for your dad’s birthday.

But no.

Because sitting at the dining table, grinning like he belonged there, was Jungkook.

Your mom’s face lit up when she saw you. “Y/N, you’re finally awake! Look who’s here!” She gestured for you to sit, her excitement completely unbothered by the fact that you had a massive argument with him just hours ago.

Jungkook met your gaze with a warm smile as if nothing had happened.

“He came early this morning to pick you up for work,” your mom continued. “But Alice told him you were taking the day off.”

Your dad chuckled, clapping Jungkook on the back. “Straight from France, Y/N! We thought you were just making excuses not to bring him over, but here he is!”

Jungkook only laughed at that, completely at ease.

You, on the other hand, said nothing. You were still irritated, but you couldn’t deny the shock of seeing him here. He told you he wouldn’t be back until tonight, yet here he was, casually having breakfast with your family like it was the most natural thing in the world.

And they liked him. A lot.

The conversation kept flowing, and from the way everyone talked to him, it was clear they’d already warmed up to him. This wasn’t exactly how you imagined introducing him to your family, but at least you skipped the awkward “Hey, Mom and Dad, this is my boyfriend” speech.

Alice shot you a knowing smirk. “Alright, we’ll get going and let you two talk,” she said, winking as she stood up.

You shot her a glare, but she only grinned.

They excused themselves, leaving just you and Jungkook in the dining hall.

He sat across from you, a cup of coffee in front of him, while you quietly ate your breakfast, letting him stare. You weren’t in the mood to break the silence first.

“You turned off your phone.” His voice was steady, but there was something behind it. Something tight.

You lifted your head slightly, meeting his gaze. “Obviously.”

“You had me worried.” His expression turned serious, waiting for you to respond. But you didn’t. You let the silence stretch between you, taking another bite of your bread.

Jungkook sighed. “Look, Y/N. I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to lash out at you last night. I just... I panicked when you didn’t answer my calls or messages. And then I saw your Instagram story with your friends, and I—”

He reached for your hand resting on the table, his fingers wrapping around yours. His eyes softened, pleading.

Damn it.

He lifted your hand to his lips, pressing slow kisses against your palm, his fingers playing with yours. You stayed quiet, watching him, feeling the warmth of his lips against your skin.

“I know I messed up,” he murmured between kisses. “That’s why I’m here, love. I’m really sorry.”

And just like that, your irritation wavered.

The frustration, the anger, the late-night overthinking. It all started slipping away.

With just a kiss on your palm, your resolve crumbled.

With just the fact that he flew back early to fix things, all the things that had you upset suddenly didn’t feel that heavy anymore.

He slowly let go of your hand, reaching for something beside him. Your breath hitched the moment you saw it, a bouquet of pink carnations, wrapped in soft lime green and peach paper.

Jungkook stood up, moving to sit beside you, placing the bouquet in your hands. You blinked, caught off guard, struggling to find the right words.

“I was supposed to leave later this afternoon,” he admitted, voice low, “but I couldn’t stand leaving things unresolved. And when I couldn’t reach you... I just couldn’t let it happen.”

Being loved by Jeon Jungkook feels damn good.

From the way he puts in effort to how he always finds ways to make you happy. From his care to his unwavering support, being in love with him feels easy; effortless. Of course, you won’t deny that his looks and wealth are nice perks, but those are just extras. What truly matters is how he loves you, how he makes you feel secure in his own way.

So, without hesitation, you let the issue slide.

You never really planned to stay mad at him for long. You just needed a little space, a moment to process everything. But that became impossible the second he flew across countries just to fix things with you. And if you were being honest, the argument happened because you ignored his calls and then reposted Mina’s story without thinking.

You ended up staying at your parents' house until after lunch. Not because you wanted to, but because your parents weren’t ready to let Jungkook go just yet. They really seemed to like him. The way he talked to them so comfortably, how they got his humor, how he charmed them effortlessly. They were practically keeping him hostage with their endless questions and stories.

Not that you based your love life on your parents’ approval, but it was nice to see them get along better than you expected. Jungkook wasn’t hard to like. Maybe back in high school, when he was more reserved, but now? Now, as a grown man with a business mindset, he knew how to win people over.

Well… except for your friends.

To be fair, they barely knew him. Most of their interactions were limited to the quick moments when he’d pick you up after you hung out with them.

Life with him has been good. No major arguments, no real problems. At least, not as long as you kept him updated on your whereabouts. He did the same for you, but you made it a point to let him know what was happening in your life, especially when he wasn’t around.

Because that’s all he really wanted.

For you to check in, to let him know you were okay. You understood that; it was how he made sure you were safe.

But there were moments when you wished he didn’t care so much.

Specifically, when you wanted to hang out with your friends.

That was the only real issue between you. His tendency to limit who you spent time with especially if they weren’t your high school friends.

And when you sensed that pushing too hard would only lead to an argument, you backed down. You let it go.

Because at the end of the day, you knew he just wanted to protect you.

At least, that’s what you kept telling yourself.

But sometimes, you couldn’t shake the feeling that it didn’t really make sense.

Hanging out with your friends has always been part of your routine, it’s your way to unwind, to reset. They lift you up in a way no one else can. Of course, Jungkook does too, but it’s different when you’re with them. There’s a freedom to it, a lightness that you don’t get anywhere else.

“Love, please? I can’t miss Chloe’s party. It’s her farewell before she leaves for America.”

You tried to reason with Jungkook, hoping he’d understand. Chloe was chasing her dream, heading off to model for luxury brands, and this was the last time you’d all be together before she left.

“I’m allowing you, but I have to fetch you by midnight. You already know I don’t like it when you sleep somewhere else without me.”

His voice was calm but firm as he drove, one hand resting casually on the wheel. He had just picked you up from work when you decided to bring it up. You figured telling him now would be better than waiting until later.

“Love, this is the last time we’ll all be together. Come on.”

You reached over, resting your hand on his lap as you pleaded softly.

He glanced down for half a second, then back at the road, his expression unreadable.

“I’ve said my conditions, Y/N.”

Final. No room for negotiation.

Frustration simmered inside you. No matter how much you tried to understand him, this part of him never made sense.

Why does he always do this? Why does he insist on controlling when and where you can be with your own friends? People who were in your life long before he was?

You told yourself, again and again, that he was just trying to protect you. But from what?

These were your childhood friends. You had never been in danger with them, not once.

But, like always, you didn’t push. You let him have his way, let him hold the reins like he always did.

The party was at a club, nothing crazy, and afterward, everyone was supposed to crash at a hotel Chloe had booked nearby. She wanted to savor the last moments with you all before she left.

But, as always, you were going to miss out.

“Bye, Y/N. I’ll see you at midnight. I love you.”

He pressed a kiss to your forehead before pulling away, walking back to his car, and driving off.

You were irritated, but you swallowed it down, not wanting to ruin the night. This was Chloe’s farewell party, the last time you’d all be together before she left and you weren’t about to let your frustration with Jungkook take over.

The party was packed. Chloe had invited everyone. Her high school circle friends, her college buddies, coworkers, even a few relatives. The energy was buzzing, the music loud, the drinks flowing. It was fun… or at least, it should’ve been. If only Jungkook hadn’t already soured your mood.

You did your best to act normal, plastering on smiles, laughing when expected, but Mina wasn’t buying it. She never did.

“You okay, Y/N?” she asked as you stepped outside with her while she had a smoke. You didn’t smoke, never had, but the fresh air seemed like a good idea.

“Yeah, of course!” you answered a little too enthusiastically.

Mina gave you a look before taking a slow drag of her cigarette.

“That’s the fakest answer I’ve ever heard from you,” she said flatly, exhaling a stream of smoke.

You forced out a laugh.

“Even your laugh sounds fake. Gosh, Y/N. Try harder.”

“Fuck you,” you shot back playfully, nudging her with your shoulder.

She smirked but didn’t drop it. “Seriously, what’s up? You haven’t looked okay since you got here. Did something happen?”

You hesitated. You never talked about your issues with Jungkook to your friends. Hell, you barely talked about him at all. It wasn’t just because they had… opinions about him. You just weren’t the type to discuss your relationship with others. When things got tough, you preferred to handle it on your own.

But tonight, you wanted to tell her. Just this once. Just so someone knew how you really felt.

But the words wouldn’t come.

“Just tired,” you said instead. “Had a lot of work to deal with before I left the office.”

Mina gave you a side-eye, clearly not convinced. “Mmm-hmm. That sucks,” she said, but her tone was laced with suspicion.

A beat passed before she asked, “By the way, how’s Jungkook? You never talk about him.”

That caught you off guard. Was she just curious, or did she sense something?

“He’s doing great. He drove me here. He’ll, uh… pick me up later too,” you say, trying to sound casual, trying to make it seem like no big deal.

But it was a big deal. And somehow, without meaning to, you’d just handed Mina the entire fucking truth without actually saying it.

Her brows shot up. “What the hell do you mean? You’re not coming with us after the party?”

You blink, caught completely off guard. You knew you’d have to break it to them eventually, but you hadn’t figured out how yet. And now, thanks to your own damn words, you were trapped.

“Didn’t we talk about this?” Mina pressed, her voice rising. “You said you were coming. Now you’re telling me Jungkook’s picking you up?”

“I—I mean, yeah, but—”

“He didn’t allow you, did he?”

“It’s not like that. I was supposed to come with you guys after the party, but I just… decided it’s not a good idea considering my state,” you say, blurting out whatever excuse comes to mind without even thinking.

Mina scoffs, raising a brow. “Oh, really? And you also decided it was a good idea not to tell us you’re ditching?”

“No! It’s not like—”

Before you can even finish, Henry walks in.

“Hey, what’s taking you two so long? Chloe’s looking for you. She wants to take a picture,” he says, approaching the both of you.

Neither you nor Mina say a word. But while Henry looks between you two in confusion, Mina keeps her gaze locked on you, practically daring you to explain.

“What’s going on?” Henry finally asks, his eyes flicking between the two of you.

“I don’t know. Why don’t you ask her?” Mina says flatly, tossing her cigarette to the ground and stomping it out.

You ignore the tension tightening around your chest. “Let’s go inside. Chloe’s waiting,” you mumble, turning to leave.

But before you can take five steps, Mina’s voice cuts through the air, laced with sarcasm.

“Make sure to tell her you’re ditching us again after this, yeah?”

“What do you mean?” Henry asks, still completely clueless.

You glance back, trying to come up with something, anything to say, but your throat tightens. Instead of answering, you turn and walk away.

You swallow hard, holding your breath, forcing back the burn in your eyes. You try not to think. Not about Mina, not about the truth she’s circling, not about the weight pressing down on you.

Just breathe. Keep it together.

You’re almost at your seat when Chloe suddenly appears beside you, her bright smile and glassy eyes making it clear she’s a few drinks in.

“Babe! I was looking for you everywhere!” she exclaims, giggling. “Where’s Henry and Mina?”

“They’re outside,” you say quickly, forcing a smile. “They’ll be here in a sec.”

But even in her tipsy state, Chloe picks up on the shift in your energy. Her smile fades, replaced by a concerned frown.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?” she asks softly.

The moment the words leave her lips, your eyes start to burn.

Shit.

“I’m okay, Chloe! I just need to go to the restroom for a second,” you rush out, spinning on your heels before she can press any further.

She calls after you, but you don’t stop. You weave through the crowd, head down, feet moving on autopilot. The second you reach the restroom, you lock the door behind you and let everything crash down at once.

It’s harder than you thought.

You want to tell them everything. God, you’re so fucking tired of pretending. But at the same time, you want to protect Jungkook. You know exactly how they’d see him if you told the truth. Maybe they already do. Maybe you’re the one who refuses to acknowledge it.

You press your hands against the sink, staring at yourself in the mirror. The music pounds outside. People are drinking, dancing, and celebrating. And yet, you’re here. Stuck.

You don’t recognize the girl staring back at you.

When did this happen?

How did you get here?

You thought you could handle it—handle the way Jungkook loves you. But now, standing here, wiping at the tears spilling down your cheeks, you realize something you’ve been pushing away for too long.

You’re suffocating.

The sudden knock at the door jolts you back to reality. Panic kicks in. You swipe at your tears, straighten your clothes, and force a deep breath.

“Just a second!” you call out, turning to the sink to splash cold water on your face. The knocking doesn’t stop. It gets louder, harder—urgent. But whoever’s on the other side isn’t saying a word.

Your hands shake as you dry your face. You pull yourself together as best as you can before unlocking the door, bracing yourself.

The second it swings open, you freeze.

Chloe, Mina, and Henry stand there, staring at you.

Chloe steps forward first, her drunken haze from earlier completely gone. “Y/N, what happened?” she asks, concern heavy in her voice.

You open your mouth to answer, but before you can get a word out, Mina moves in. Without warning, she grabs your wrist and pulls you out of the bathroom.

“Hey! Mina, careful!” Henry hisses, but she doesn’t let go.

Her grip is tight, but that’s not what stuns you, it’s the fire in her eyes.

The second you’re outside, away from the pounding music and the haze of the bar, she finally releases you. Then she turns, glaring at you with full force.

“No time for bullshit. Tell us what the fuck is going on,” she demands, arms crossed.

“The fuck, Mina? Can you chill?” Henry groans, rubbing his temples.

Mina whips around to face him. “How the fuck am I supposed to chill when she’s doing this again?! We’ve talked about this before, Henry and it’s so fucking obvious she’s doing it on purpose! For what? Her asshole boyfriend?”

“Mina!” Chloe snaps, but Mina doesn’t back down.

“What? Are you really going to sit here and act like this is okay? This is the last night we have together before you leave, Chloe, and she’s pulling this shit again!” Her voice rises in frustration.

You barely register the words. Your chest is tight. Your throat feels like it’s closing up. You don’t even realize the tears are falling until you taste salt on your lips.

“Tell me, Y/N. Are you really sick, or is that just another excuse so you don’t have to come with us? Because you’re so obsessed with your boyfriend that you can’t even spare a single fucking night for your best friend?”

It’s too much.

“I wanted to come, okay?!” The words burst out of you. “I almost begged him to let me stay for just one fucking night, but he wouldn’t let me!”

Your voice cracks, and the tears come faster. You can’t stop them. You don’t even try.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry that I let this happen! It’s all my fucking fault because I didn’t want to fight with him! I didn’t want him to be disappointed! I didn’t want to make it an issue!”

As the words spill out, the truth crashes into you like a truck. How fucking pathetic. How small you’ve made yourself for him.

Chloe speaks up, her voice soft but steady. “Why would he be disappointed?”

“I don’t know!” you cry out, frustration pouring out of you. “Because he doesn’t want me to, and if I do, it’s a fucking problem! And I just—” Your voice breaks again. You drag your hands through your hair, gripping it hard like you’re trying to hold yourself together.

“I don’t fucking want that, okay? I know you all think I’m stupid as hell right now, but that’s the fucking truth! Call me obsessed, call me whatever the fuck you want, because it’s true!”

Your heart is racing. Your breath is coming in short, sharp gasps.

“I’m so fucking stupid, but I chose this. And I wanted to apologize for ruining this night, for making this about me when it was supposed to be for Chloe.”

Your back hits the cold wall behind you, and you close your eyes, gripping your hair, willing yourself to disappear.

Silence.

No one says a word.

You don’t have to look up to know they’re all staring at you.

Your head is pounding, your heart’s racing, and regret hits you like a brick wall. You didn’t mean to let it all spill out like that, but fuck, you just couldn’t hold it in anymore.

Goddamn it.

Your eyes flick down to your wrist. It’s ten minutes to eleven. You don’t have your phone, but you already know what’s waiting for you: missed calls, unread messages, or worse… he’s already here, looking for you.

“I should go. Jungkook’s probably—” your voice is tired, drained.

“You’re not going anywhere.”

You blink, caught off guard. “What?”

“I’m not letting you walk away again. And I’m sure as hell not letting that asshole control your fucking life.” Mina’s voice is sharp, unwavering.

“No. I’ll figure this out, okay? I'll talk to you—”

“Are you seriously letting him take over your whole fucking life?” She looks at you like she doesn’t even recognize you anymore. “What the hell happened to you?”

“Mina, chill.” Henry grips her arm, but his eyes soften when they land on you. “Y/N, listen. We’ll figure this out. We’ll help you.”

“What are you talking about? I can handle this—”

Chloe pulls you in, arms locking around you in a trembling, desperate hug. She holds on like she’s afraid you’ll slip away if she lets go.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” her voice cracks, and your chest tightens. “I’m sorry this is happening to you, and we didn’t even notice.”

The words cut deep, deeper than you expect. And before you can stop them, the tears come rushing back, spilling over like a dam finally breaking.

“We didn’t know… I’m sorry.”

With just one hug, the weight you’ve been carrying shifts. Crushing, yet somehow lighter at the same time.

With just one hug, the exhaustion seeps into your bones, making you realize how much you’ve been running on empty.

With just one hug, it finally sinks in. This isn’t just overwhelming. It’s unbearable.

“We were supposed to be there for you,” Chloe whispers through her own tears. “But where were we?”

And that’s when it hits you. You’re not alone. You don’t have to be. For the first time in a long time, you feel like you can breathe.

But then, regret creeps in.

“What exactly happened?” Henry asks.

You step back from Chloe, swallowing hard. “Nothing really happened.”

“Y/N, please,” Mina sighs, voice weary. “Just stop defending him for once.”

And then, you see him.

A familiar figure standing in the distance, phone in hand, scanning the crowd with a panicked expression.

Jungkook.

The second his eyes land on you, he moves. Fast. Almost running.

Part 1 of 2 It's been a year since I last wrote, and I thought I wouldn’t come back and would just be a casual reader. But here I am, writing again anyway, lmao.

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monopurple · 2 days ago

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(i agree with op)

this might sound like i'm reaching but i feel like a lot of forcing a binary onto chara/kris/frisk reeks from micro aggressive enbyphobia. a lot of this enbyphobia is just very surface level of a much deeper issue that is rooted in society.

cis people are unable to view things without forcing cisnormative gender norms on everything. this cisnormality results in non-binary not being seen as a genuine identity and just as a weird third, secret unnatural thing. all of this results in a lot of microaggressions and gender debates on heavily-implied non-binary characters (mangle for example). everything outside the binary is stigmatised and seen as unnatural, which leads to people pushing gender norms onto everything.

it is a product of cisnormality being forced onto society. if cisnormative gender norms ceased to exist, would you really still see people debating on identities of non-binary characters? people being unable to comprehend that characters can be non-binary is simply just a surface level product of this issue.

now obviously, are people debating identities on non-binary characters as bad as an issue of real life enbyphobia? obviously not. but it is still a surface level product of enbyphobia. it is a result of people looking at society and all media they consume from a cisnormative lense that when they see something that doesn't fit those lenses, it challenges their thought process that they were usually taught growing up.

the utdr fandom being able to accept that frisk, chara and kris can be their own people and have their interests, but are unable to even comprehend that they might not be either male or female, is surface level enbyphobia. you are able to accept whatever frisk, chara and kris do outside of our control is them being their own person, but gender is where you draw the line of something not being up for interpretation?

maybe back then, i can understand. a lot of people were pre-teens/young teens when they first got into undertale so gender out of the binary was a very new concept to them. so projecting their understanding of gender onto the human characters was their only way of identifying them. but if you are pulling this shit today?? you definitely need to check up on your beliefs.

also did you guys know that toby fox never said anything about the human character's genders being up for interpretation? that was a straight up lie made by undertale fans back in the olden days just to justify pushing frisk/chara into a binary.

there is no way all of this isn't a byproduct of enbyphobia and society being obsessed with forcing gendered roles onto everything. if you see a character, being their own person, strictly using gender neutral terms and you somehow find a way to force them into a binary? that is a product of your cisnormative beliefs. what other reason is there to force gender norms onto them?

i think just accepting that characters can be non-binary and may not fit into the lenses of what makes a person male or female, can be a small but right step towards stepping away from one part of cisnormative beliefs. it can make non-binary representation a lot easier to present in media, and it makes topics about non-binary characters a lot easier to understand and talk about since there's less social stigmatism around it.

Deltarune chapter 3 is gonna start by asking you what Kris’ pronouns are and if you choose anything other than they/them it deletes all your save files and uninstalls your game

[image description: a digital comic. In the first panel, Toby Fox (as represented by a small white dog) gestures towards Frisk and says, smiling “Name this character whatever you want!” In the next panel, he winks as he says “Sike! This character was actually their own person the whole time!” In the third panel, a vague person shape holds Frisk, saying “Oh, so their gender is open to interpretation!”

In the fourth panel. Toby looks to the side annoyed, saying “Maybe that was too subtle…” In the fifth panel, he gestures towards Kris and says “This is Kris. They are their own person who is just being controlled by you. Everyone uses they/them for them.” In the sixth panel the vague person shape holds Kris, saying “Oh, so their gender is open to interpretation!”

In the next panel, Toby Fox smiles blankly at the viewer, and the last panel is a close-up of his face with his dead, stressed out eyes. End ID]

#undertale #deltarune #nonbinary erasure #enbyphobia #non binary #nonbinary #nonbinary and trans people EXIST

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totalswag · 2 days ago

Text

!unexpected surprise! ☆ drew starkey ☆ chapter one

authors note first chapter of my series omg!

summary in which you're cautious when Drew Starkey sneaks into your DMs following a casual encounter at a party. he is well-known for his role in a popular tv show and movies—has millions of fans. the two of you start communicating quietly, slipping minutes between his hectic schedule and your social media responsibilities. the secrecy adds to the excitement, but as the media learns about your link, it becomes increasingly difficult to hide.

series taglist

You are well-known in the social media world. You've been given the opportunity to build close relationships with your supporters—to develop a family and be yourself. Features everything from trip vlogs to fashion hauls, insightful conversations, and humorous content. Your work has built up a big following, with which businesses compete to cooperate. However, you value privacy and provide just the most basic information to your supporters.

Eight o'clock rolls around. Stella gets to your apartment dressed and ready for the night. Before heading out, you both walked to the kitchen to get your pre-game drinks made. Music playing from your speaker sitting on the table in the living room⎯keeping the energy high.

Tonight you are wearing a jeans with a black tank top with a red heart in the middle along with a cute jacket. Hair and makeup was a little different for the night. Of course, you needed your earrings and twi necklaces. You felt good about yourself.

"No joke, I've been rummaging through my closet for a good outfit," you say as you place the cups down. "I'm not sure why I'm having this strange feeling, but," pause, "who knows what it is about," shaking your head.

"Maybe you'll find your future lover?" she exclaimed dramatically, twisting the cap of the tequila bottle. She put the shots into two tiny glasses. "Are you sure you're ready for this?" she mocked, offering you a shot.

"How can I refuse" you say, smirking and clinking your glasses together.

Stella has been your best friend for seven years, and you are forever grateful to her. She's the type of friend that would drop everything in a moment to be with you and ensure you have a nice time. Her quirky characteristics will make you giggle until your abs hurt.

The drive to the party took twenty minutes. By the time Stella and you get to the neighborhood gate and are let inside, she has taken a few turns and there are several cars parked on the side. Fortunately, Stella found the right spot near the house.

The house was already alive with energy⎯music blared through the air, and groups of people huddled around in conversation, drinks in hand. Stella and you strolled through the crowd of people, her enthusiasm clear. "There they are!" She waved to a small gathering near the kitchen.

One of the girls in the group, carrying a drink, looked over her shoulder, her face lighting up with a smile as she noticed you both going over. "Oh my gosh, so glad you could make it!" Her voice was full of enthusiasm, “I’m Leah and this is Jake.”

"Nice to meet you both, I'm Y/N, and thank you for inviting us," you say politely, shaking each of their hands in a soft gesture.

As the night continued on, you and Stella stayed by each other. Got the chance to introduce yourselves to new faces around the party and strike conversations. Saw a few familiar faces you’ve worked with before too. Leah and Jake were extremely amazing, keeping you laughing non-stop with their jokes.

And then he walked in.

Drew Starkey.

You spotted him right away⎯tall, effortlessly calm, and commanding without trying. He was deep in conversation with a few people before making his way to where you stood, drink in hand. You weren’t expecting him to actually walk up to you either.

Before you could blink, he’s standing in front of you, “hey, I don’t think we’ve ever met before, I’m Drew” putting his hand out, smiling softly.

Drew Starkey is talking to me? You think to yourself.

“Y/N,” you carefully say, maintaining eye contact.

Conversation begins between you two. It felt so usual for you, and you didn't feel nervous at all⎯you felt serene, as you put it. The way he focused his attention on you and not anybody else made your tummy flutter⎯as if you two were the only ones in the room. Drew was easy to talk to.

Something about the way his eyes lingered suggested he was intrigued. The conversation between you two was comfortable and natural—even when people walked around the party, he remained, inquiring about what you did and why you came here.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what do you do?” he carefully asks⎯it was obvious he didn’t want to go overboard.

Chuckling softly, running your hands through your hair, “I guess you could say I’m in the entertainment industry” you playfully hint, grinning.

Raising his eyebrows in amusement, tilting his head back, “looks like I’m gonna have to find out another time then?” he asks with confidence⎯you like it.

Before he left your side, he pulled out his phone. “What’s your Instagram?”

You told him, watching as he followed you without hesitation. “Guess I have some catching up to do.”

Later that night, when you got back to your apartment, your phone buzzed with a notification. Stella's eyes nearly fell out their sockets when she glanced at your screen.

drewstarkey followed you.

drewstarkey sent you a message.

This was going to be interesting.

"Shut the fuck up" you both gasped.

series taglist

@akobx @ethanthequeefqueen

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solaceseven · 19 hours ago

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crawling back to you

pairing: sukuna x reader

genre: angst

inspired by the song do i wanna know? live at bbc by hozier

can be read as pt 2 of this or a standalone

it’s been three months.

three months since the door slammed shut behind you, leaving nothing but silence in your wake. three months since you walked away, and sukuna didn’t chase after you—not that night, not the morning after, not the weeks that followed. he told himself it was for the best. that this was what you wanted.

but now, as he sits alone in his dimly lit apartment, the weight of your absence pressing down on him like a vice, he wonders if he made the biggest mistake of his life.

the buzzing of his tattoo machine is the only thing that keeps him sane most days. his clients come and go, faces he barely registers as he inks intricate designs onto their skin. it’s the only time his mind goes quiet—when his hands are busy, the hum of the machine drowning out the thoughts he doesn’t want to face.

but the second the machine powers down, reality creeps back in. and reality is cruel.

because no matter how hard he tries, you’re everywhere.

he sees you in the smallest things—things that shouldn’t remind him of you, but somehow always do. In the flicker of a neon sign outside the shop that hums the same soft glow as the fairy lights you used to hang in your room. in the faint scent of vanilla and jasmine that lingers when someone walks past him on the street, never quite matching the way it clung to your skin. in the half-empty coffee cup sitting on the counter, lipstick smudged at the rim, and he’s reminded of lazy mornings when you’d steal sips from his mug, laughing when he grumbled but never really minded.

you’re in the song that plays softly from the radio while he works—one he never paid attention to before but now knows every word to because it was always on your playlists. in the chipped black nail polish on his coworker’s hands, a fleeting reminder of the countless nights you sat cross-legged on his couch, painting your nails and teasing him for being too still as he let you paint his, too.

but worst of all, he sees you in his reflection—tired eyes that have lost their edge, the weight of regret carving its place in the lines of his face. in the faint traces of your touch that still linger like phantom sensations along the tattoos you used to trace absentmindedly with your fingers, as if memorizing every inch of him.

and when his coworkers scroll through their phones, laughter echoing through the shop, there you are again—captured in a fleeting Instagram story from some party last weekend. grainy, imperfect, but unmistakably you. smiling, carefree, eyes crinkling in that way that always made something in his chest tighten. and god, how he hates the way it guts him, wishing—aching—that he was still the reason for that smile.

you unfollowed him. he noticed immediately.

one day, your name was gone from his notifications, your profile nowhere to be found. he tried not to care. tried to convince himself that it was just social media. but it gnawed at him. you were cutting him out piece by piece, and all he could do was watch it happen.

he lurks in the shadows, hoping one of your friends posts something—anything—that gives him a glimpse of you. It’s pathetic, he knows, but it’s the only thing he has left.

there’s a bitter irony in it all. he was the one who pushed you away first. always keeping you at arm’s length, never letting you in too close. you wanted more—deserved more—but he couldn’t give it to you. not when vulnerability felt like a weakness he couldn’t afford.

and now? now, he craves your presence like a man starved.

the shop is quieter than usual tonight. it’s late, and everyone else has left. sukuna leans back in his chair, staring at the ceiling, the faint hum of traffic outside barely audible through the thick walls. the glow from his phone screen flickers beside him, but he doesn’t touch it.

not yet.

he’s been doing this every night. sitting here, contemplating. the urge to reach out is unbearable, but something always stops him. pride, maybe. or fear.

fear that you’ve moved on. that you don’t want to hear from him. that he’s too late.

his chest tightens at the thought.

he tried to fill the void, but nothing ever worked.

not the long hours at the tattoo shop, where he threw himself into his work until his fingers ached and his mind blurred. not the mindless scrolling through social media, hoping—not that he’d ever admit it—that he might catch a glimpse of you. not the empty nights spent lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, waiting for exhaustion to drag him under.

nothing could distract him from the ache of missing you.

his friends tell him it’s time to move on. they say three months is long enough to let someone go. that there are plenty of people out there. but what do they know? they didn’t spend endless nights memorizing the shape of your smile, or the way your eyes softened when you looked at him, like he was the only person in the world. they didn’t hear the quiet affection in your voice when you whispered his name in the dead of night, your fingers tracing lazy patterns over the tattoos on his chest like you were trying to commit every line to memory.

his friends didn’t feel the weight of your absence like he did—the way it settled deep in his bones, heavy and inescapable. they didn’t know how every morning, he still reached for you instinctively, only to be met with the cold, empty space beside him. how even now, he still slept on his side of the bed, as if leaving room for you just in case.

how could he fall for someone new when he was still so busy being yours?

they didn’t see how badly he broke you when he shut you out.

the memory of your last fight is still fresh, even after all this time. you stood in the doorway, tears brimming in your eyes, asking him—begging him—to just let you in. to tell you what he wanted. and all he gave you was silence.

he thought you’d stay. you always had before. but that night, you walked away. and now, the silence is all he has left.

his fingers twitch toward his phone, but he stops himself. what’s the point? you deserve better than a half-assed apology three months too late.

but then he thinks about the what-ifs. what if you’re waiting for him to reach out? what if you’re lying in bed right now, staring at your phone, wondering why he never called?

he can’t take it anymore.

the weight of missing you presses down on his chest, suffocating and relentless, until it pushes him off his chair and out the door before he can even think twice. it’s reckless, stupid—but so is love, isn’t it?

the streets are quiet at this hour, the hum of the city softened under the cloak of night. his hands are shoved deep into his jacket pockets, shoulders hunched against the cold, but none of it matters. all he can focus on is you. the thought of you, maybe asleep, maybe curled up in bed with your phone just out of reach. maybe dreaming of something—someone—that isn’t him.

the thought twists like a knife in his gut.

he walks with purpose, even though every step is a silent war between hope and dread. what if you don’t open the door? what if you tell him to leave? what if someone else is there?

he shakes the thought away.

it’s been three months, but it feels like no time has passed at all. and yet, it feels like forever.

before he knows it, he’s standing outside your apartment building, staring up at your window. the soft glow of light seeps through the curtains, and he wonders if you’re still awake or if you’ve just fallen asleep with the lamp on, the way you used to when reading late into the night.

his heart pounds so loudly he’s sure it’ll wake the whole block, but still, he climbs the stairs. each step echoes in the silence, a quiet reminder that there’s still time to turn back. but he doesn’t. he can’t.

and suddenly, he’s there. in front of your door. it’s familiar and foreign all at once.

he doesn’t have a plan. he doesn’t even know what he’s going to say. all he knows is that the thought of another night without you is unbearable.

he raises his hand to knock but hesitates. his breath is shallow, his pulse erratic.

but then, before he can stop himself, his knuckles rap gently against the door.

seconds pass. each one heavier than the last.

then, the faint sound of footsteps. the quiet click of the lock.

the door opens, and there you are.

soft, bleary-eyed, wrapped in a blanket, and so heartbreakingly familiar that it steals the breath from his lungs.

“sukuna?” your voice is quiet, confused, and laced with something that might be disbelief.

he swallows hard, the weight of the past three months pressing down on him all at once. “i know it’s late,” he says, voice rough and barely above a whisper. “i know i shouldn’t be here. but… i couldn’t stay away.”

you blink at him, and for a moment, there’s only silence. then, softly, “why now?”

his throat tightens, and he runs a hand down his face, exhaling shakily. “because i’m tired,” he says, voice cracking under the weight of everything he’s held back. “tired of trying to forget you. tired of pretending i’m okay. i’ve tried. god, i’ve tried. but i can’t. i miss you.”

his voice cracks at the end, and he hates how raw he sounds. how vulnerable. but it’s the truth. And right now, that’s all he has left to offer.

he sees the flicker of emotion in your eyes—the conflict, the hurt, the love you’ve tried to bury—and it guts him.

“i’m sorry,” he whispers, voice thick with regret. “i’m sorry for not being enough. for not being what you deserved. i know I fucked up. i know i wasn’t always what you needed me to be.”

his hands tremble as he clenches them into fists at his sides. “but i swear… i’ll do better. i will. i promise you.”

his voice is raw now, barely more than a whisper. “just… tell me it’s not too late.”

you stare at him, eyes glossy, breath caught somewhere between disbelief and something softer. and then, finally, you step back just enough to let him in.

and for the first time in three months, sukuna breathes.

#two posts in one day?? lets gooo #legit been obessed with hozier’s version of this song #and then seeing all the edits on tiktok with it #i had to write about it #ryomen sukuna x reader #sukuna x reader #sukuna x you #sukuna angst #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #💿 — solace seven works

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ladyzephroar · 2 days ago

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Wait... What? There's actually people saying that there should be a dislike button on AO3? Why? What would the point be outside of dissuading fanfic authors from posting their stories or even continuing a story that they've started?

There's other issues I see with this option as well. A lot of bullying goes on within fandom with authors being catty towards one another. These authors could totally take advantage of this dislike feature to send hordes of their fans to bully and intimidate authors they feel are stealing their thunder out of fandom- and potentially off the writing sites altogether.

There have been fic I've read over the years where I just don't get on with the writing, the plot, the themes of the story (or sometimes lack thereof), and the way the canon are portrayed. If I don't like the story, then I press the back button and move on. Even if such an option existed where a dislike button was present, I would never use it because that is just so cruel.

I was part of Wattpad when they allowed down voting to happen on stories. Not sure if they still do it even though I have an account (for reading purposes, only)- but let me tell you just how detrimental that down-voting system was (still is?). It chased away so many writers because of how misused the feature was. I've heard arguments both for and against the down-voting feature. Apparently, some people viewed it as a form of criticism (Newsflash, it's not)- anybody who is too much of a coward to express their criticisms of a story in words has no business calling themselves a concritter.

And even then, criticism of a story should be worded in a way that is polite and supportive. Down-voting is just so cruel. Adding a dislike feature to sites like FFN and AO3 is cruel and I am glad to see that it has never taken hold even though I have seen arguments for it.

Anyway, this got longer than I expected... It's just, can we please stop treating writing sites like social media platforms? Can we stop making these sites which are meant to be safe spaces for everyone so toxic?

One of the many reasons for why I left Wattpad as a writer was because there is a feature that can be compared to a dislike function. It hurts authors, regardless of their skill level as a writer... and it hurts future writers who are looking at different sites to judge which platform works for them as a writer.

heard someone say archive of our own should install a "dislike" button and I thought I should say this: no, there's absolutely no need for archive of our own to install a "dislike" button.

why? because archive of our own isn't tiktok or youtube or twitter/x where users can monetize their content. archive of our own is a nonprofit site run by fans for fans, which means every content — every fanfic — you see on archive of our own was made out of pure love and passion from the artists/authors.

ao3 authors write because writing about these characters is their happiness and passion. they write for themselves, but they were generous enough to share with you their creations.

they're not "content creators" the way tiktokers or youtubers or instagram models are. they don't "make content" for views and engagements that can be monetized.

so no, you don't get to "grade their works" unless they specifically and directly ask you to.

you don't get to "say what you dislike about their works" unless they specifically and directly ask you to.

you don't get to "dislike" works that are not made specifically to please you in the first place. you're just a guest in someone's house, a house in which they let you in because they were kind, you don't get to roam around their house and say what you dislike about their furniture. you don't get to roam around their house and say you "dislike their house".

of course, you can have your opinion about the house its host invites you in. but if it's a negative one and you find yourself not liking the house, the polite things for you to do is excuse yourself and leave without telling them you dislike their house.

and just because you personally dislike the house doesn't mean the house is "ugly" either. the house you dislike could be a favorite, most luxurious place to many others.

my point is, don't be entitled by wanting the rights to voice your disapproval of things that you get to enjoy for free. don't be entitled by wanting the rights to voice your disapproval of things that were made out of love and passion — things the artists made for themselves for fun.

it makes you look like an entitled jerk with main character syndrome. the universe does not revolve around you.

now repeat after me: don't like don't read. no one forces you to continue reading a fic you don't like. quietly leave instead of being rude to authors who write for free because writing is their source of comfort.

people are so used to contents that were made because it's a trend / contents like tiktok that were made with the main purpose of reaching high engagement and making profits that they forget sometimes things can be made out of love and be made just for fun. sometimes things are supposed to just be for people to enjoy, and if some people don't enjoy them, then they can simply leave without being unnecessary unkind.

#regarding writing

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bbrissonn · 18 hours ago

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𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐝 - 𝐥𝐮𝐤𝐞 𝐡𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐞𝐬

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ in which your agent forces you into a relationship for PR, but when you find yourself developping feelings for the boy, everything goes to shit

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ disclaimer: english is not my first language and this is not proofread so please excuse any errors and if any words are missing add them in your head :) also this is a work of fiction, this doesn’t reflect how these boys act in real life, and it isn’t how i imagine them acting

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ warnings: angst angst angst, no happy ending cause bitch does the song sound like a happy ending 😭, mention of sex but no nsfw content, swearing

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ pairing: luke hughes x reader

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ wc: 8.7k (including lyrics)

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ guts masterlist

Want it, so i got it, did it, so it’s done Another thing i ruined i used to do for fun Another piece of plastic i could just throw away Another conversation with nothing good to say

You were currently sitting in your manager’s, Chris, office alone, two other chairs next to you as you waited for him to return with his “special guests”. You truly had no idea what this was about, you never had meeting with guests, or whatever he meant. Your confusion only grew as you heard your manager’s laugh as he walked back into his office, another man in a suit next to him as he too laughed out loud, and a boy who looked about your age walking in behind them.

“Y/N, this is my friend, Mike, and his client, Luke, he plays for the New Jersey Devils.”

“Hi.” You answer looking briefly at the two before looking back in front of you. The last thing you wanted to do at the moment was have a social party with two strangers.

“Excuse her behaviour, she’s been a little one edge lately. You two make yourselves comfortable.” Chris said as he walked to his desk chair, pulling out some papers from one of his drawers. Meanwhile, Luke took a seat next to you, sending you a small smile, which you didn’t bother to return, and Mike sat on the last chair. “Ah, don’t you just love a freshly printed contract!” Chris added, looking at his friend before the two shared a small laugh.

“Contract?” You and Luke both ask at the same, looking at your respective managers. The two stayed silent for a couple of seconds, before Chris cleared his throat.

“Mike and I have been talking for a bit, and we’ve both come to the conclusion that this is an excellent step for to the two of you to take to help your careers.”

“Career? I’m doing just fine, thank you very much.” You sassed as Luke shifted awkwardly in his seat. He knew who you are, how could he not. Your first big time movie had released only a couple of weeks ago, it was all he would see whenever he watched TV. But the movie had not been doing has good has your manager had hoped, no brands or magazine really reaching out to work with you.

“Luke’s an uprising star in the NHL, Y/N, big prospect here, lots of attention on him. It wouldn’t hurt for you to get some of it.”

“Well if he’s so beloved, what’s he need me for?” You asked, pretty much ignoring the two other men present in the room. At that, Mike stepped him, coughing slightly to bring the attention to him.

“Luke’s been involved in some… worrying headlines lately. Being seen with you, seemingly in a committed relationship would do him some good.”

“Relationship?”

“Commited?” The two of you exclaimed once again. The last thing on your mind at the moment was being in a relationship, you had to focus on your career.

“I’m not dating a stranger!” You said, drifting your gaze from Mike over to Chris, who was already looking at you with a pleading smile.

“You two don’t need to actually date, as long as the media believes you do, what you do in your private time is none of our business.” He explained, his words almost sending you off of yout chair.

“This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever head!”

It took almost an hour for Chris to convince you to sign the contract, which somehow had crazier terms than the idea itself. Your “relationship” would last for 8 months, meaning during the length of Luke’s season. To make it even worse, no one outside of this room could know about the contract, meaning you would have to pretend to both your families and friends. Thankfully, the boy who would be your fake boyfriend was not as ugly as other men you’ve seen, sure he was far from your usual type, but he had some positive traits as well. His height being the first thing to catch your eye when he first walked in. Plus, he was an athlete, and it was hard to ignore his muscles showing throught his thigh polo shirt. He didn’t seem like an asshole either, so maybe there was a chance the two of you could somewhat get along.

“So, what’s your favourite colour?” Luke asked as both of your managers left the small room for a couple of minutes, insisting the two of you got to know each other a bit. You looked over at him as his words hit, was this really the first thing he was going to ask you? You just rolled your eyes as you looked down at your lap. “Look, I’m just as happy as you are about this. And if I’m being honest, I’m not really interested in knowing more than needed about you.” He added, shifting slightly in his seat to have a better look at you.

“Green.”

“Green?” He scoffed, making you send him a look, almost challenging him.

“Yeah, green.” You sassed, making the boy smirk slightly.

“Like a- like a bright green or-”

“Are you mocking me right now?” You questioned, not finding the smile on his face amusing.

“No, no, just… interested, you know. There’s lots of greens out there.”

“Forest green.” You answered, keeping it short in simple before looking away and back down at your lap.

“Not gonna ask mine?”

“Not interested.”

“Dark red, for sure. Although, you can never go wrong with maize and blue.”

“Maize and blue?” You quipped. It was now Luke’s turn to give you a look.

“Maize and blue. Michigan, baby!” He said with enthusiasm, earning himself a look once again. You took a second to look at him, really look at him. He looked like a baby.

“Michigan?”

“Michigan.” He repeated with a grin.

“You from there?”

“Sorta.” He responded. You raised your brows at him, clearly indicated for him to expanded his answer. “Born in New Hampshire, moved to Toronto for like 10 years, then we moved to Detroit, been living there ever since.”

“And maize and blue, that’s…?” You trailed off.

“University of Michigan! Maize and blue, wolverines.”

“And I’m guess you went there.”

“Sure, did. My eldest brother too.”

“Cute.” You said, your voice filled with sarcasm. “When you’d graduate?” This was your way of finding out how old he was, without directly asking.

“Didn’t.” Great, a college dropout.

“You dropped out?”

“Yeah, to come here. If it makes you feel any better, I did attend all my classes, got good grades. I’m not some idiot.” He explained, you could tell he was feeling a little annoyed by your question.

“Okay, well when would you of had graduated?”

“2025.” If you had a drink in your mouth, you would’ve spat it right out. This guy, this college dropout guy, was 2 years away from his graduation. You were right, he looked like a kid because he is one.

“Gosh, how old are you?”

“Turned 20 last month. Why?” His words made you stand up, ready to storm out of the room and hunt down Chris. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m not doing this. Gosh, you’re a kid. I can’t pretend to be in a relationship with a kid!” You exclaimed as you went to push the door open, only to realize it was locked. Great. “You have got to be kidding me.”

“Well, how old are you?”

“Don’t asked a women her age!” You snapped as you still tried to push the door open. “24.” You whispered as you realized there was no way this door was going to open, at least not thanks to you. “25 in January.”

“You’re like… the same age as my brother.” Luke whispered to himself, his face turning into a grimace at the thought.

“See, even you find it weird! Let’s just tell them it makes us uncomfortable. You’re too young for me, and I’m too old for you.”

“Never said you were too old for me. What if I like older?” He smirked as he made himself more comfortable in his chair. There was no denying his attraction towards you. Your instagram had popped up tons of times on his explorer page, and he never shied away from liking your posts.

“You just said I am your brother’s age. Do you not find that weird?”

“Well, if we’re getting technical, he’s born in 1999, and from what I understand, you’re born in 2000. So you’re not his age, you’re just like 3 months younger than him.” He explained, his smirk still plastered on his face as you dropped down on your chair with a sigh. This was going to be the longest 8 months of your life.

I thought it, so i said it, took it ‘cause i can Another day pretending im older than i am Another perfect moment that doesn’t feel like mine Another thing i forced to be a sign

“So, what do I do exactly?” Luke asked from besides you. The two of you were currently on your way to some award show, meaning you would have to walk a red carpet. A red carpet with Luke.

It had been about three weeks since you had sign the contracts, you and Luke had spent some time trying to get to know each other. He tried to put in some effort, ask you question as simple as your favourite food, and some more complexe, like what made you move from North Carolina to New York. You barely put in any efforts to answer his questions, simply because you weren’t interested in him getting to know you, and vice-versa. The two of you had been spotted a couple of times by fans, but you never held hands, or displayed affection towards each other in public, not like you did in private, but no one really knew what to take away from the pictures.

“Just, stand there and smile. There’s gonna be like a thousand cameras, so just keep your eyes moving, ignore their questions and yells. When the workers tell you to move, you move.” You explained, your eyes looking outside the window. The red thigh dress hugging your skin perfectly, your heels the same colour, you looked gorgeous. Luke was wearing a black suit with a red tie matching your dress.

“You gonna pretend like you at least enjoy being within 5 feets of me.”

“Aha. You’re so funny, I’m dying of laughter.” You responded, you voice in the same monotone voice you always used with him. “You make a fool of yourself, or me, and I will rip your eyes out with my own hands.”

“Kinky.” Luke smirked as the car came a stop. The boy looked over at you, your eyes were closed as you took a deep breath. You hated this things, you hated walking down that carpet, papparazies with cameras in your face like wild animals. You hated it. Your eyes snapped open, and a giant smile appeared on your face.

“Let’s go.”

Luke stepped out of the car first, everyone around holding their breathes as they waited to see who else was going to come out of the car. The boy stretched his hand towards you, a small nod of his head as you slowly made your way out of the car. The cameras were flashing around you everywhere, and you could tell Luke was getting a little overwhelmed.

“Ignore them, just walk with a smile on your face, nod a bit.” You whispered to him as you leaned in close. Then, the two of you made your way to the door, you fingers intertwining with Luke’s without you even noticing. As you crossed the door, Luke let out a small “woah”, his eyes rooming around the entrance. He had been to his fair share of events for the NHL, but none of them were like this. Everything look expensive, everyone looked expensive. He was completely starstruck. So much he didn’t even noticed a worker coming over to the two of you and giving you instructions.

“Luke?” You asked, making the boy snap out of hi trance. “We gotta go, come on.” You whispered before guiding the boy to where the worker had gone. “You okay?” Your voice was so low the boy wasn’t even sure if it was real of his imagination playing a trick on him.

“Yeah, it’s just…”

“A lot.”

“Yeah.” He answered as you looked over at him. The boy could’ve sworn he had seen the corner of your mouth lifts slightly, before your head snapped back to the worker.

“Alright, you too, once she’s done, you two can go. Remember to smile, you both look perfect, enjoy the night!” She said with excitement as the girl in front of you moved to the next area of photographers. Luke heard you take another deep breath before slowly making your way onto the carpet.

“Put your hand on my waist.” You whispered, a smile on your face, as you let go of his hands, that you hadn’t even realized you were still holding. Your hand landed near the top of his shoulder as you put one of your foot out and bent your leg. The slit of your dress riding up you thigh as flashed surrounded you. You felt Luke’s hand glide across your lower back before settling on your waist and pulling you a little closer to him. You instinctively leaned your head on his shoulder as you plastered your best smile. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

“This is exhausting.” The boy sighed as the two of you finally sat down at your table.

“Welcome to my world.” Thankfully, the two of you were able to avoid any interviews, and once you were done with the carpet, you were free for the rest of the night.

“You nominated for anything?” Luke asked as he reached down to the menu on the table. You had warned him that he wouldn’t be able to pick was he ate, everyone was getting the same thing, besides of course people with allergies and such. Chicken. Not his favourite, but not the worse.

“Me, no. The movie is, but I doubt we’re gonna win.” You answered, only two of your co-stars could attend, the other one being busy with a new project. Sadly, you were seated a couple of tables away from them.

“Why not?”

“Because when you go up against movies like Avatar, it’s hard to win.” Luke didn’t asked any other question about the awards after that.

“For what it’s worth, I think you should’ve won.” Luke whispered to you as the cast of Avatar made their way onto the stage. You looked over at him, the two of you hadn’t spoken since before the show started.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I mean Avatar’s good you know, classic. You’re movie was great.”

“You watched it?”

“Before the whole… you know. My brother, Jack, we were looking for something to do and he made us go. You look hot in black.” He mentioned, clearly referreing to the long black silky dress you had worn in the movie.

“Are you flirting with me?”

“Is it working?” He asked with a smirk, only making you roll your eyes.

“No.” Silence. One minute, two minutes. “You didn’t mention you knew who I was.” This was probably the first time you had been the one who made the effort to keep a conversation going. Luke smiled as he shifted in his seat slightly.

“To be fair, you don’t really like when I talk, and when I do, I doubt you listen.” He answered. You couldn’t tell if he was taking a jab at you or not. He probably was.

“Just because I am not interested in what you have to say, doesn’t mean I don’t listen.” You said, almost like you were defending yourself.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah.” You sassed. “We’re at every different points in our lives, we have different interest, our brains don’t think the same way. I mean you’re pretty much a college frat boy, and I am about to be 25. You play hockey, which I know nothing about, and I act and model. Totally different.”

“I modeled for American Eagle once.” He stated, and you couldn’t tell if he was joking or not. But as you looked over at him, the deep shade of red on his cheek answered your question.

“You modeled for American Eagle.” You repeated softly, trying your best to hold in a laugh.

“Just… laugh. You wouldn’t be the first one.” He mumbled with a small smile on his face. You let out a small giggle.

“That’s interesting. See, we could talk about that.”

“It was… like two years ago. It was like with the school or whatever. My buddies were, like ruthless. It was horrible.” He explained, making you giggle even more.

“They at least pay you well?”

“Yeah, yeah, it was good.”

“Good on you.” The rest of the night, you and Luke surprisingly talked a lot. You hated to admit it, but you were warming up to him. He was sweet, there was no denying that, and you did feel bad for how you had acted before.

“Y/N!” Chris exclaimed as you answered his phone call. You and Luke were now back in the car, on your way to your apartment.

“Hi.”

“How was your night?” You looked over at Luke, his eyes focused on his phone as he texted his brothers, who were apparently freaking out about his outing with you.

“Better than I expected.” You answered honestly.

“Good, good. Have you been looking online? They love the two of you together, you’re all the media is talking about right now…” The man kept going but you paid no attention to his words. You eyes fixated on Luke. He had a soft smile on his face as he typed away on his phone, chuckling every now and then. You hated to admit it, but this night had gone far better than you had imagined. Luke was… well he was something. Maybe these next couple of months wouldn’t be so bad after all.

Well, sometimes i feel like i don’t wanna be where i am Gettin’ drunk at a club wuth fair-weather friends Push away all the people who know me the best But it’s me who’s been making the bed

“I mean, it’s been great! Just, so proud of her, and excited for her. She’s been working really hard for years, and I mean, yeah, just, she deserves this.” Luke answered the reporter, the lie slipping so easily from his mouth. You were now two months into this fake relationship, and your friendship with Luke had grown. You two actually spent time together now, enjoying the other’s company. You had been quite present in public with him, and fans were quickly growing for your relationship.

The lies came out so easily about your relationship. How you had met, how long the two of you had been together, all of it. It almost worried you how good he was at it, of course for you, it was just acting, but this was totally new to him. Gosh, he was so good at it that sometimes it almost felt real. Like right now, his hand on your waist, holding you close to his side as he spoke with a large grin.

“Think they like me more than you, now.” The boy joked as the two of you sat down. You were now at a movie premiere, your movie premiere. This project had been completed long before you ever met Luke, yet it was still so easy for him to lie about how proud he was, and how hard you worked. He didn’t know. He didn’t know how much effort and passion you put into this job because he wasn’t there, yet the lie sounded so natural.

“Yeah might have to let you come alone next time.” You joked with a fake smile on your face, one that Luke knew too well by now.

“What’s wrong?”

“You do it so easily.”

“What?”

“The lying. Just, I don’t kno- nevermind, it’s stupid.”

“No, no, hey, talk to me.” Luke whispered, his hand reaching for yours. His touch felt so natural, so right, that you had to remind yourself why he was doing it in the first place. You were surrounded by people.

“I just, you’re a really nice guy, Luke, and this industry it can… can do stuff do stuff to you, bad stuff. Stuff that changes a person, and I’d hate for that to happen to you, and for me to be the reason.” You admitted, looking down at your lap. You almost felt pathetic.

“I am not gonna lose myself. Trust me, I’ve got 2 older brothers and a bunch of guys that keep me very humble on a daily bases. They keep my grounded, my whole family does. Even with hockey. And I am tougher than I look, you know.” He joked at the end, elbowing you slightly. You smiled softly at him, nodding your head slightly.

“You promise?”

“I promise.” He whispered back, his pinky connecting with yours. “My parents are always asking about you, you know. Jack and Quinn, too. Well, pretty much everyone in my life.” The boy added after a couple of seconds of silence. His words made your body stiffen.

“Oh.”

“Do you, uhm, wanna meet them? That way you can see for yourself how humble I’m being kept.” The boy added.

“Sure, yeah.” You answered, your voice shaky as you looked around the room.

“We can just start with Jack, he’s the worse one though, but he’s the only on that lives here, so. But we do play Quinn in like 3 weeks, so my parents are gonna be in town…”

“Jack first works.”

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

“Can’t believe my brother actually convinced you to date him. I mean little Lukey, with you.” Jack said with a teasing smile on his face. By the ton in his voice, you understand he meant the “with you” part as a compliment, almost saying you were too good to be with his brother.

“Jack-”

“I mean, I shouldn’t be surprised. I taught you well, Lukey.” The older boy added with a proud smile. You looked over at Luke, who smile at you apologically. You had spent your evening at the brother’s apartment, Jack had tried his best to cook a meal for the two of you, but you ended ordering instead.

“It’s getting late, I should get going.” You stated, peaking quickly at the time at your phone.

“I’ll walk you to your car.” Luke said, standing up quickly from the couch and you were fast to follow his move.

“You can stay over if you want. Its getting pretty late.” Jack said nonchalantly, making you look over at Luke. The two of you had never spent the night over at the other’s place. Well, actually, Luke did sleep over most of the times after events, but he always slept in your spare room. You knew they didn’t have a spare room, and sleeping on the couch was too risky as it could be seen form the kitchen.

You and Luke shared a quick conversation with your eyes, refusing to stay over would probably wave form red flag.

“I’ll leave the two of you alone, don’t worry. Just, please remember that I do sleep in the room next to yours, Luke.” Jack said with a smirked as he stood up from the couch, joining the two of you. He ruffled Luke’s hair slightly, before giving you a smile.

“Good night.” He said before turning around and making his way to his room. After his doors closed, silence took over the whole apartment with you and Luke standing in the middle of the living room.

“So…”

“You really don’t have to if you don’t want.”

“No, no, it’s okay, I’ll stay. He seems really happy about it, so.”

“Right, yeah. Uhm, I’ll get you some clothes.” Luke said before guiding the two of you over to his room. Ten minutes later, you were laying next to him on his bed, wearing a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie of his.

“He’s not as bad as you said, you know.”

“That’s ‘cause he just met you. He’s an ass, really. Once you get to know, like really know him, he’s gonna be the most annoying person you’ve ever met.” Luke said with a scoff, making you smile slightly. Luke’s bed wasn’t exactly the biggest, meaning the two of you were laying shoulder to shoulder.

You looked over at him, only to find him already looking at you. And then before you knew it, he was pulling you on top of him, your lips connected as his hands roamed your body.

There was no denying the the two of you felt quite attracted to the other, and as you got to know him more and more, you attraction only grew and grew until you felt like you didn’t even have to pretend anymore. This was turning into something real for you, and you could only hope that the boy felt the same.

The next morning, you woke up alone in the bed, wearing nothing but Luke’s hoodie. The first notification on your phone being from him. Hey, had to leave for practice, didn’t wanna wake you. Left a key on the counter, i’ll call you tn :).

Only he didn’t call, didn’t text either. And when he showed up at your place the day after, it was like nothing had happened. You wanted to talk about it, you needed to talk about it, but he had quickly made it very clear that he had no interest in that conversation. So, you stayed quiet and pretended it didn’t happen, that nothing happened.

I’m so tired of bein’ the girl that i am Every good thing had turned into something i dread And i’m playin’ the victim so well in my head But it’s me who’s been making the bed

“It was so nice to meet you, sweetheart. You should come visit this summer.” Ellen gushed as she hugged you tightly.

“I will.” You lied with a smile. Your 8 months would end right when summer would start, and you honestly had no clue what would happen after that.

“Maybe we’ll see Luke a little more if you do.” Jim joked as he and Ellen waved at you as they left the apartment. Jack had offered to drive them to the airport, meaning it was only you and Luke in the apartment. His apartment. You hadn’t been over since that night, a night that almost felt like a secret. Like if you were to talk about it, or mention it, the world would explose. Like you were walking on breaking glass, and bringing it up would be that extra pressure that would make it snap for good.

“You stayin’?” Luke asked as the two of you stood by door.

“I don’t wanna be a bother.”

“You won’t.” Luke said softly, his hand reaching for yours. “I want you to stay.”

Those words, those 5 small innocent words, somehow lead to you once again waking up in nothing but his hoodie. You were alone once again, but you could head the two brothers arguing about something stupid in the living room. You quickly found your underwear and a pair of sweatpants before making you’re way to the two boys.

“Y/N!” Jack exclaimed as he saw you slowly walking down the hallway. The older boy was sitting on the couch, while Luke stood behind him. But the younger boy quickly made his way over to you, wrapping his arms around.

“Morning, baby.” The boy said softly, making your eyes grow wide. Baby. Luke had just called you baby. You never used nickname, never had and never even talked about it.

“Hi.” You mumbled against his chest.

“Y/N, tell your boyfriend that you always brush your teeth before you eat, not after!”

“Gosh, Jack, leave her alone.”

“Why would you brush your teeth before you eat? You’re just making them dirty again.” You answered Jack, making the boy’s smile drop, while Luke just let out a chuckle.

“I made pancakes.” The boy mumbled, guiding towards the kitchen and away from Jack.

“You trying to poisson me?”

“Not yet.” Luke chuckled as he placed a cup of coffee in front of you. The boy leaned against the counter as he watched you slowly started eating the pancakes in front of you.

“Are we gonna talk about it?”

“Talk about what?” The boy mumbled as he walked past you, pressing a small kiss to your head before heading towards the bathroom. His reaction and action to your questions made his answer quite clear.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

“What’s up with you?”

“Mm?”

“What’s up with you?” Luke repeated, making you look up from your phone. The two of you were currently sitting on your couch, a hockey game playing on your tv.

“Nothing’s wrong with me.”

“That’s bullshit. You’ve been on your phone the whole night.”

“I’m busy, Luke.” You mumbled. It was a lie, you weren’t busy, you were just not interested in having a conversation with him after what had happened last week. Thankfully, he had left for a roadtrip with the team that same night, meaning you had one full week where you could just not think about him. The two of you texted a bit, but nothing more than seeing how the other was doing. The second the team’s plane had landed, the boy was quick to make his way over to your apartment, catching you completely off guard.

“Yeah? Busy doing what? Scrolling on Tiktok?” The boy mumbled as he stood up from the couch. His action made you look up at him. “If you didn’t want me here, you should’ve just said so.” He added before walking away towards the front door.

“You could’ve just texted, ask if you could come, not just show up at my door with no warnings!” You said as you followed him, making him scoff as he finished putting his two shoes on.

“That’s what this is about? I didn’t ask if I could come see you? We haven’t seen each other in a week, Y/N, sue me for thinking you’d want to hangout. For thinking you’d want to talk, catch up, see how I am doing-”

“Talk? You want to talk? Where was that attitude last week Luke?”

“What are you talking about?” The boy asked, making you scoff at him. He couldn’t be serious right now.

“Why do you refuse to acknowledge the fact that we’ve had sex, twice now. Every time I even try to bring it up, you shut me out. So, I am sorry if I am not in the mood to talk to you when you please, Luke.” You snapped back, your voice filled with annoyance. Luke rolled his eyes at your words, making you bit your lip out of anger.

“I can’t deal with this right now.” He said as he threw on his jacket.

“See, you’re doing it again!”

“What is there to talk about, Y/N? We had sex, so what? Don’t be making a big deal out of this. Don’t act like this is something real, okay? We’re friends.” Luke said harshly, making your body freeze. The boy was gone before you even realized he was moving. Was this not real? Was all those nights spent doing nothing but talking about life nothing? Or how easily his lies would slip out of his mouth, were they really lies?

Gosh, you felt like an idiot. Luke’s sole problem with this whole fake relationship thing was the commitment, he didn’t want that. He was a 20 year old just starting off his life, he didn’t want to be tied down right now. He didn’t have the time to be truly committed to someone right now, and you felt stupid for thinking he did. Stupid for thinking that those sweet comments he would make in front of camera were anything but sweet comment for the camera. Stupid for thinking some stupid contract would actually change Luke’s playboy attitude. I mean, that was the reason his manager wanted this relationship; clean up his image. That’s all you were, someone to clean up his image, to let other people know that Luke Hughes wasn’t just some guy going around fucking every girl he met. That’s all you were.

You stood in front of you door for what felt like hour, praying and hoping that the boy would walk back in and tell you it was just a joke. That he didn’t mean those things and you meant more to him than he let on. That you weren’t just his friend, or his fake girlfriend. But he never came back. Never said the words you wanted to hear the most. Never.

The next morning, you texted him asking if the two of you could talk. Nothing. No answer, no reaction, just silence. He had seen your message, and you couldn’t help but tear up at the sight of your message thread. Seen. 1 hour. 2 hours. 3 hours. The sun was starting to set and the word seen was still plastered on your screen. You felt even more stupid than you did the previous night. Laying awake in your bed, waiting for something, anything. Any sign of life that let you know that he was out there thinking about you.

And a sign of life you were given. Of course, it wasn’t the one you wanted, if anything it was the opposite. You cursed yourself as the first tear fell down your cheek, and then even more as the tears kept falling. No way. There was no way this was real. He wouldn’t… he wouldn’t do that to you, right?

But he did. On your phone screen, staring back at your tear stained face, were photos of Luke in a bar, his hands all over a girl as his lips danced with hers. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Of course he did, the contract didn’t mean anything to him, it was just to keep his manager happy.

You knew he knew this would get out. That people would see and it would reach you in only minutes, but he didn’t care. You were the last thing on his mind as he walked into that bar, his eyes roaming the room to find someone, anyone, who could help take his mind off of you and the stupid contract. People knew who he was now, he gained followers like crazy as the public became more and more in love with your relationship. And here he was, blatantly cheating on his fake girlfriend simply because he could and he wanted.

There was no way Chris would make you keep your promise of 8 months. No way he would make you look like the stupid girl who went back to her cheating boyfriend. Right? No, no, Chris wouldn’t do that you. Although you weren’t so sure anymore, you thought Luke wouldn’t do something like this, and he did.

And every night, i wake up from this one recurrin’ dream Where i’m drivin’ through the city and the brakes go out on me I can’t stop at the red light, i can’t swerve off the road I read somewhere it’s ‘cause my life feels so out of control

The next morning you woke up with your phone blowing up, which made you quite confused since you had made sure to put it on do not disturb last night, meaning the only one who could be reaching you right now was Chris. You had fallen asleep in the early hours of the morning. You hated this. You hated that you let your guard down with the boy, hated that you let him, gave him the power, put him in a position to hurt you. You hated what you actually felt for him. You wouldn’t call it love, but your heart was his and only his. It was stupid, I mean you had only known him for barely 3 months.

“What the hell happened?” Chris asked as soon as you answered his call. You tried your hardest not to let the tears fall again. Sitting up in your bed as you looked over at your clock, 10 a.m.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” You whispered, your voice breaking slightly.

“I’m outside your door.” The man said before hanging out the call. You slowly made your way out of bed, walking to your door and letting the older man in. Chris tried his best to hold in a gasp as his eyes met you. Your hair was a mess, but that’s not what caught his attention, you face did. It was red, really red, so were your eyes. Left over mascare from the previous day lingering around your eyes.

“Y/N/N…” He said softly as he followed you to the couch, where you threw your body down before wrapping yourself in a blanket. “Are you okay?”

“Please… please tell me the contract’s done.” You begged, your eyes tearing up as you watched Chris looked down at the floor.

“He won’t… he won’t let us. I asked, I mean this looks bad for him, but Mark he’s… he’s not letting up.” Chris explained, his voice low and soft as tears started falling out of your eyes. “Talk to me.”

“We argued. We did… we hooked up, twice. And it meant more to me than it did to him. He got mad, stormed out, and I haven’t heard for him in almost two days, so.” You explained, trying your best to keep your voice stable. Chris let out a deep sigh at your words, his fingers rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“I’ll talk to Mark, again. See if we can find a middle ground.”

There was no middle ground. You had signed the contract. Luke had sign the contract. And although Mark was not happy with his client, you had signed the papers. Which led to you sitting in Chris’ office, Mark next to you and Luke on the other side, later that day. The last time the four of you had been in the same room, you never would’ve guess what the next couple of months were going to be like for you. Never in a million years did you think you would grow to actually enjoy the younger boy’s presence, and you certainly never believed you would actually have feelings for him.

“All right, so, papers were sign-”

“Can’t we just sign other papers to say we agree to end it or whatever.” You quickly cut Mark off, making the three men look over at.

“Y/N…”

“No. I am not gonna be painted as the dumb girl who goes back to a cheater! This was supposed to be good for my image!” You said looking at Chris. He knew you were right, so did Mark and Luke. This was supposed to be a good thing.

“Y/N-”

“No! I am turning 25 in a week, Chris, I am too old for this stupid high school drama. I don’t care about the stupid contract! I am done with this.” You said sternly before standing out and leaving the room. Of course, Luke was quick to follow you.

“Y/N!”

“Fuck off, Luke.” You called out, not even bothering to turn back around. Of course, just to your luck, the elevator took forever to come up, giving Luke the chance to catch up to you.

“Please, just hear me out.” The boy begged as he stood besides you. His words made you scoff, crossing your arms over your chest. Thankfully, the doors opened and you were quick to enter and press the button to close to door. Unfortunately, Luke was quick to place in hand in the way, joining you inside.

“Hear you out? What is there to hear out, Luke? You’ve made yourself very clear, so, please, just leave me alone.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No!” The boy said before pushing the emergency button, making the elevator stop.

“What are you doing?”

“Let me talk.”

“I don’t want to hear what you have to say, Luke. I get it, okay? You’re young, and you wanna enjoy your life. You don’t want to be tied down, I get it. I can’t give you what you want, and you sure as hell can’t give me what I want, so just back off.” You whispered before pushing the button. Thankfully, you weren’t far away from the first floor, meaning about 3 seconds later Luke was standing in the elevator all alone. His eyes fixated on you as he watched you made your way out of the building.

He was such an idiot.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Every year was the same. You’d go to sleep the night before your birthday, expecting to feel completely different the next morning. But then you’d wake up and feel the exact same.

25 was no different. If anything, you felt even more pathetic this year. You were 25 crying over a 20 year old who only thinks with his dick. Everyone always looked like they had their lives figured out by that age, relationships with someone they were convinced they were going to marry, or kids on the way, a stable work income, dreams they wanted to fufill. You had none of those. Well, since your fake relationship with Luke, producers were a lot more interested in what you could bring to their movie. But that attraction only came once you were by a man’s side.

This 20 year old little boy had brought more success to your career than you ever did before. Pathetic. Even more pathetic that the same 20 year old could not give two shits about you. Pitiful. Yeah, that works better.

You had no plans for the day, ever since the whole “cheating” drama went down, you had stayed inside. You didn’t go on social media, there hadn’t been a single sign of life from you, and honestly you didn’t have the energy to give you. You couldn’t be bothered to give you because you were too busy mourning the lost of a relationship that didn’t even exist.

You spent your morning on the couch watching some stupid reality dramas, trying to make yourself feel better. Hoping that maybe there were some bigger idiots out there. And as you watched the same girl cry over the same guy for cheating on her for about the tenth time, you realized maybe you weren’t so pathetic. You had made it clear to everyone you wanted to be alone today, you didn’t have the energy to socialize right now. The only people you were planing on seeing were your food deliveries guys.

So, when the sound of your doorbell echoed through your apartment, your brows furred. It couldn’t be food, no you were currently eating it. You were left even more confused as you opened the door to see no one. Looking down, your eyes met with a large basket filled with flowers, treats, stuffed animals and much more. A larged card with your name written on it with a handwriting that you could recognized all too well. You could see him out of the corner of your eyes. Granted all you could see was the top of his head as he had stopped halfway down the staircase as he heard your door open. But he was there. You weren’t sure what you should do. Do you look at him? Keep pretending you don’t? Do you even take his gift?

Your head was telling you to go back in, take the gift, throw the card away and just fill yourself with sweets. But your heart had the better of you. You missed him. You hated that you missed him, but you did. Luke almost let out a yelp as your eyes met his. He didn’t know you could see him. The two of you stared at each other before you softly nodded towards your door.

The next thing you knew, the two of you were sitting on your couch, Luke’s gift basket on your coffee table as you stared at the wall. Luke’s gaze was fixed on you, you knew it was. You could feel it.

“I miss you.” He whispered so lowly you could barely hear it, but you did. You didn’t know if you should believe him or not. You let out a small scoff at his words. You weren’t falling for it. “I’m being serious, Y/N.”

“You don’t miss me, Luke. You miss the attention I gave you.”

“That’s not true.”

“Yes, it is. Because the second that attention was gone, you went to someone else to give it to you.”

“I want to be with you, Y/N, and I am so fucking sorry for what I did. And I know sorry is never going to make it to you, but please-”

“You want to be with me? You want to really be with me?”

“Yes! The only reason I never mentioned the fact that we had sex was because I was afraid you wouldn’t feel the same way I did about it.”

“But I did! And when I finally told you, you pretty much told me to go fuck myself and that it meant nothing to you! And now you really wanna sit here and tell me it meant more to you than a quick fuck? Please, Luke, I wasn’t born yesterday.” You snapped, looking over at him. “You embarrassed me. You made me feel stupid for thinking you would ever want something more than a quick fuck. And that wasn’t enought, that you had to go and hookup with some random chick in a public place, knowing people would find out, that I would find out about it. Now I look like the idiot who got cheated on by some kid.”

“Look, I messed up, I know I did. I freaked out and ran away, when I should’ve just been honest with you. But, please, let me even try to make it up to you. I want to be your boyfriend, Y/N, I really do.”

“I turned 25 today, and when you turn 25 it makes you realize that you have no clue what’s going on in your life. I mean I’ve got about 15 to 20 years until I can’t have babies anymore. I want to get married and have kids soon, Luke. And you’re no where near wanting that in your life. Maybe you are being honest, maybe you do really want to be with me. But I mean what I said in the elevator, you can’t give me what I want. I don’t want to wait another 5-6 years for you to be ready to settle down. I need someone who’s ready right now.” You explained. Luke knew you were right, his older brother had gone throught the same realization last summer.

“We’re at different points in our lives.” Luke mumbled the same words you had told him during your first real outing in public together. Gosh, you wish you could go back and do so many different things that night. You wished you hadn’t let your guard down, maybe this whole thing would’ve never happened and you’d be out celebrating your birthday with your friends and fake boyfriend. Maybe.

“Yeah… and if I’m being honest, I don’t think I could ever forgive you. You made me look like a fool to everyone, Luke. And maybe I was just being stupid with my feelings or whatever but I atleast thought we were friends, and you’d never humiliate me publicly like that.” You said harshly, making the boy look down at his lap. “I deserve better.”

“I’m sorry I can’t be better.”

“You should leave.”

And i tell someone i love them just as a distraction They tell me that they love me like i’m so tourist attraction They’re changin’ my machinery and i just let it happen I got the things i wanted it’s just not what i imagined I’m so tired of bein’ the girl that i am Every good thing has turned into something i dread And i’m playin’ the victim so well in my head But it’s me who’s been making the bed

The next day, you were freed. The whole contract thing was done. Chris had told you the reason it hadn’t been before was because Luke didn’t want it to be done. But that something in him had changed last night and he had agreed to end it. It felt odd really, you never guessed you could miss something that never really existed so much, but you did. You cut all public ties with Luke and his world, making it quite obvious to the public that your relationship was over.

You went back to your old life, pretending none of it had happened. Pretending that Luke Hughes hadn’t walked into your life three months ago and flipped your wold upside down. You didn’t talk about it, you refused to talk about it because you weren’t sure you’d be able to answer any questions without crying. You felt even more pathetic about that. You and Luke had never officially been together, neither of you ever flat out say you liked the other. So why were you so hung up on him? Maybe it was the way he always knew how to boost your confidence before a red carpet. Or maybe how attention he paid to details. You didn’t know, and you didn’t like it one bit.

What made it even harder was that Luke was went back to how his life was before. A different girl in his bed almost every night, and now since he was linked to you, even more attention was brought to it. It was hard, seeing the boy you were so hungup on kissing all these girls. But all the negative attention that came with it almost made you feel better. This whole situation was supposed to do some good for both your images.

Now a month later after your “break up”, you were the girl who go cheated on, but was thriving in the industry, while Luke was a cheating whore. It made you feel good. Good to see that people on the internet stil hadn’t lost their minds and sense of logic completely. Good that maybe you did come out of this stronger and more liked than before. Good that you were about to start working on the biggest project of your career so far, and Luke would be stuck being reminded of his actions every time he opened his phone.

But you still felt pathetic. You weren’t sure you’d ever stop feeling pathetic. Pathetic for lying to all your friends and family, lying to his family. Pathetic for not answering any of Jack, or Quinn or even his parent’s messages. But you couldn’t. What were you supposed to say? Oh, I am actually not that sad because we never really dated, it was just a contract. I mean, that would be a lie, but part of it would also be the truth. It was just a contract. You both messed up, and you needed to stop acting like this was all Luke’s fault.

You shouldn’t have slept with him, you shouldn’t of had let him ignore the fact that you slept together for so long. You did this to yourself in a way. You knew going in about Luke’s behaviour, you knew the second the contract was over, he’d go back to his old ways. You knew. But you still let yourself fall for it. You could even say you were to blame for it. You kissed him first. You kissed him. Both times, you iniciated it. So, who was really to blame here?

Somethings i feel like i don’t wanna be where i am Countin’ all of the beautiful things i regret But it’s me who’s been making the bedMe who’s been making the bedPull the sheets over my headMaking a bed, oh-oh

#bri writes #luke hughes #luke hughes fic #luke hughes smut #luke hughes x reader #luke hughes fanfic #luke hughes angst #luke hughes imagine #new jersey devils #michigan hockey #umich hockey #jack hughes #guts series #nhl imagine #nhl fanfiction #quinn hughes

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simbistardis · 21 hours ago

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Being black and Aromantic is an experience. When I came out through social media my family felt the need to drill me with questions about my past romantic relationships and why now all a sudden, I’d chosen to go by Aro. I remember talks of bandwagons, even though I can count the number of aro-spec black people I’ve met on one hand with like three fingers. In church when my oldest sister led the prayer, she alluded to how younger kids had so many demons they had to fight, and I instantly knew what she meant. Subsequently, my being Aro had become a thing to pray off and use as a talking point in Sunday school rather than being discussed on a deeper and serious level with just myself. But when we did speak about it the conversations felt like an interrogation. It always felt like black culture couldn’t align much with Aromanticism, especially cause growing up I was taught that marriage was the end goal and that’s what I should want but I don’t think marriage was in my plans. I would dream of having dogs and living alone in a big house instead of having a romantic partner. For me being Aro and black is an interesting intersection because romance is very much portrayed in black narratives in both good and bad ways, but it’s never talked about in the capacity to which I experience alloromanticism. Alloromanticism is never ‘the decline of romantic attraction’ or ‘the strong romantic attraction to people only when I know them just as well as I know myself’. With my demiromantic identity people don’t understand the difference it has from regular attraction . My attraction is fluid so in the case of when I feel more Demi I’m glued to one person and one person only for a really long time. Attraction like that is what I wish was shown on TV and not just packaged as someone who's got an obsession and needs to get over someone. They could be Demiromantic. A thing I love about being Aro-spec is how comfortable it feels. Like I don’t feel this overwhelming need to perform. If my partner knows I’m on the Aro-spec they know it’s best not to try to force romantic gestures or even be offended by my lack of attraction at times. ... How come black women just can’t experience attraction a bit differently from how everyone says we should. So many black and brown men and women probably have to repress the way they feel and run the risk of being the bad guy because no one would understand or want to navigate the ways in which they experience Aromanticism. They bottle it up and when things go wrong probably find it easier to just blame themselves for not being enough or their partner when really, they just have to look into themselves and their orientation. I think black women could feel more assertive in themselves if they realized that they can be Aromantic and not pushed into this box where they have to play a role they don’t want to play. Black women deserve to explore romantic orientations as well as sexual ones and have a deep dive into how they feel. And that should be respected. To black Aromantic people I say keep pushing the odds, keep daring to form a new mold for black kids to come because we’re drowned in content and media that tells us we’re overly sexualized and romanticized and that can change with us. Our families and friends may not understand, the world may not even understand, but as long as you get who you are that’s honestly all that matters. As a collective we can help each other learn and grow, we can push each other in our advocacy and know it’s not a competition. All our efforts should be us trying to get Aromanticism to be taken as seriously as any other orientation.

Being Aroflux and Black by Kimberly Butler (@/TheAsexualGoddess) on AUREA (2021)

#black aromantics #black aromantic #black aro #black aroace #aroace #aroallo #black aromanticism #aromantic #arospec #aroflux #aromanticism #2020s #aro week

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purplereina11 · 20 hours ago

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You were a 24 year old football photographer, set up on a blind date with none other than the Alexia Putellas.

Word Count: 7.7K

No idea why I'm nervous to share this one! Hope you like it

You’d lived in the La Montesa part of Barcelona for nearly 2 months now, you’d slowly got your apartment sorted in that time, it wasn’t exactly how you wanted it to be but it was beginning to feel like home. You had your prints on the walls your many plants that were hanging on by a thread dotted about the place, you had your balcony, you could only just about fit a chair out there but it was outdoor space and you adored it.

You were a women’s football photographer you’d met Carla Garcia, FC Barcelona Feminis resident Social Media admin, by chance at a Manchester Unite home match where you worked and became good friends, it was a virtual friendship with only a handful of face to face meetings and visits but it was like you’d known her for longer than you had. You’d really opened up to her in the year you’d known her, you told her all about your troubles with having the wrong friends and relationships which caused a breakdown of communication with your family when drugs took hold and you became a shell of your former self.

She told you of a position at FC Levante Badalona’s club, the women’s team were looking to really embrace social media and elevate the social footprint of there platforms they had. Carla rang you excitedly one evening when she’d used her many connections to get you a call with the head of media at the club she told you she was quite excited to speak to you after seeing your work on Manchester United’s social media platforms.

Paulina expressed rather quickly into the video call the job was yours if you wanted it and the club would do as much as they could to help you with the move, you loved your time with the English club but there was nothing holding you there anymore and you wanted to push out your comfort zone and take on a new challenge. You wanted to cut ties with old friends who were trying to sneak back in and moving over a thousand miles away surely would do that. Granted you only knew Carla who had her own life and group of friends in the city but that was no less than you had in England, it was more in fact.

One evening in your apartment you were reading one of your many books that lived on your coffee table, when your phone unexpectedly began ringing, you smiled seeing it was Carla, “Hi”

“I have no idea how to even begin this conversation” You laughed softly, not that you’d be laughing much longer when she finished what she was saying, “Are you busy Friday? I have a friend I want to set you up with, you don’t have much choice I told her you’re going already, tables booked for 7pm”

You had four whole days to wait until your date, four whole days of wondering who it could be as Carla refused to tell you, four whole days of self doubt and your mind playing cruel tricks on you of worst case scenarios that could happen. Your date could turn up see you sitting there think god no and leave again, not turn up at all or even worse leave you with a very long awkward evening when you found nothing in common and were stuck with mundane polite chatter.

You came into the city in Carla's car, she had picked you up to drop you off since you barely came this far in so you had no idea where you were going, or so you told yourself it was more likely for her to make sure you actually went and didn’t stand her friend up. You touched your stomach the nerves over taking you as she pulled over stopping the car, this was so far out your comfort zone you were walking a tightrope on whether you might vomit or not.

“Go”

“They definitely speak English? You know how awful my Spanish is”

“Yes” Carla smiled, “Go before she thinks you’ve stood her up, its booked in my name”

You finally peeled yourself out the car, you barely even shut the door before Carla took off leaving you on the pavement alone, you turned to look at the front of the place. It looked fancy. Far too fancy for how you were dressed. You were comfortable it was the only thing you felt you could control so you went for blue jeans a plain white tee and threw a longline beige blazer over the top, you looked down at your outfit choice, the fifth one you’d had on before Carla arrived. You were doubting it again but you couldn’t do anything about it now, you took a breath and headed in side the door the soft music and polite chatter filling your ears.

You followed the waiter through the restaurant you were seemingly far into the establishment, as you rounded a corner you spotted her and your breath caught. In what world did Carla think setting you up with none other than Alexia Putellas was a good idea. She was incredibly out of your league, the contrasting lifestyles, the age difference. Not to mention she was Spanish and your GCSE Spanish years just weren’t coming back to you at all. You couldn’t even remember the translation for hello yesterday. Come to think of it as you neared and her eyes trained to you coming up from her chair to stand aside it, you couldn’t remember it now.

“Hola.. Alexia” she said with no expression before her lips spread into a little smile on her face, your eyes glanced down to the floor ever so briefly as you joined in European culture more prevalent outside of England and air kissed both sides.

“Hola..” You tried and cringed at yourself inwardly, before taking a seat placing your bag on the floor. “Y/N” you focused on the flickering candle in the middle of the table as she got back into her seat before raising your eyes, “It’s nice to meet you”

Alexia nodded the sentiment back, “You to, I’ve heard a lot about you”

“I can’t say the same” You cleared your throat, clearing the surprise, “Carla didn’t tell me who I was meeting tonight”

“And you still came?” Alexia asked raising her eyebrows, she could not have done that and it was evident by the face she was pulling.

You wet your lips with the tip of your tongue, your nerves drying your mouth uncomfortably so, “She picked me up and dropped me off, I don’t think there was any chance for me to not be here tonight”

Her smile was sweet, there was an innocence with it as she sat rigid in her chair your own sign she was in fact nervous, the second being she was fiddling with her knife in her right hand, her eyes however stayed on you the whole time. It felt as though she was gauging you, trying to gather a first impression, work you out. “I couldn’t of done that, took some guts”

“Well as my teacher used to say, you miss all the chances you don’t take so, here I am.”

You couldn’t get over the smile, it seemed so genuine it wasn’t big it didn’t even alter the rest of her face but it gave you a little glimpse that she wasn’t overly disappointed to see you sat opposite her. “Well I’m glad you showed up, whether forced or not” you smiled down at the table, Alexia couldn’t help but stare into your eyes, they held a lot of depth to them. Ironically like the ocean to which in her mind she’d compared them to, they were a gorgeous blue that only was accentuated by the brown tone of your skin. “What are you wanting to drink?” Alexia asked. You leant down to pluck some glasses from your bag, she laughed gently to herself her forearms coming onto the table, “Are they even real?” You looked up from the wine menu you were attempting to read, “They have no glass in them”

Your lips curled ever so slightly as your head went back down something Alexia only caught with her closeness, “Can we drop it? I’ve picked the wrong ones off my coffee table?”

“What looks good?”

You lifted your head up slightly frustrated with yourself, sliding the little book around the candle towards Alexia, “I have no clue, I can’t see a thing” You both laugh as you shook her head at yourself, trying to hide your embarrassed blush. You patted the back of your hand onto the book now in front of Alexia, “Right glasses or not I still have an inability to read Spanish” You watched Alexia thumb go between her teeth as she had a read of the options, “Anything standing out to you?”

She reached a hand without looking at you, “Can I borrow your glasses?” She rose her head and clearly was proud of her self when you were amused by her. She was funny, she did not give that impression from clips you’d seen of her playing. She looked intense.

You pulled the glasses off your face, “.. sure” you flopped your wrist to hold the glasses towards her Alexia gently taking them and placing them upon her own face.

“What wine do you drink?” She asked turning a page, you couldn’t believe how easy this felt, even if it was early on in the evening. Alexia rose her eyes when you didn’t speak, “Why are you laughing?”

You shook your head, “Nothing, just they suit you, bet you’re one of those annoying people that can pull just about anything off” The coy smile on Alexia’s face and a hint of redness at the compliment made you answer her question and put her out her misery, “I drink anything, I prefer sweet though”

The waiter smiled with a helpful smile, “Hola, podrías traerte algunas bebidas para empezar?” He asked and you helplessly looked to Alexia who closed the wine book over as she spoke, “Cuántas copas con el vino?” He asked making a note

She held up two fingers, “Dos for favour” and just like that he was gone, “I ordered you and I a bottle to share”

“Thank You”

As she fiddled to stand the book back up she posed a question, “So why am I funny in the glasses?”

“I have no idea, the laugh was involuntary”

Alexia looked briefly to you her eyes focused on the candle, she seemed nervous to hold eye contact now your attention was solely on her, “Is this where we ask polite questions like what’s your favourite colour?”

You sucked your teeth as your eyes twinkled with amusement, “Guess”

“Guess?”

You nodded folding your arms on the table, “Yeah, have a guess what my favourite colour is” Alexia really seemed to think about her answer her gaze glazing over as she stared out at the restaurant.

You tilted your head ever so slightly patiently waiting as you watched the cogs turning behind her eyes, “Yellow” she exclaimed as if her calculations led her to the only obvious answer left

She’d only gone and guessed your favourite colour on the first try, which was easy to do seeing as before she exclaimed yellow, you didn’t even have a favourite colour. Until she chose yellow for you. You won’t ever look at yellow the same now, the colour forever linking with this woman before you and this wild night you still couldn’t believe you’d agreed to. “You’re right”

Alexia was so excited smiling like a little kid being told Santa had been the night before. “Si? No joke?” You nodded to confirm she was in fact right “What do you think mine is?”

“Green” You smiled as Alexia knitted her brows together, at your quick guess, “I’m right aren’t i?” You asked smugly

“How did you know that?”

“You’ve worn a jacket and Nike’s, both are a shade of green, educated guess”

“Well aren’t you observant” Alexia mumbled, you seemed to loose her for a second as if contemplating something her eyes surveyed you “You have very beautiful eyes” she shocked you both with that comment

“Really?” You pushed, you needed her to elaborate, she broke eye contact as the waiter came with the bottle in a bucket and two glasses he offered for you both to try it but Alexia waved her hand she spoke to the gentlemen smiling and he took his leave after Alexia politely declined his offer to pour the wine.

“Yeah” She confirmed, the air felt thick again as your eyes were locked to one another, like you were trying to build a bridge between your two minds to find out what the other was thinking, “I think it’s because they’re so blue”

“What about them, is it just because they’re blue?” Having Alexia compliment you was an ego boost you needed, you wanted more. You had to hear more. Just to reassure you that she wasn’t disappointed by who sat opposite her.

Alexia was trying her best to not smile but the corners of her mouth were giving her away and the little sparkle in her eyes showing how her seemingly brown eyes had flecks of green in them, “I think it’s because they’re blue but they also come with that smile, it makes them sparkle when you do” You were nodding eyes narrowed said wry smile on your lips, “Are we opening this wine then?” she cleared her throat like she was pulled from a trance your eyes had her in

You saw an opportunity and took it, “You have beautiful eyes to” Alexia didn’t raise her head from the menu, but you saw her blush making that wry smile you had widen in pride you’d made the great Alexia Putellas the person the team you worked with speak as though she was this great untouchable unmovable figure blush. Your tongue made a brief appearance across your bottom lip when she rose her eyes, your eyes locked with hers again, you broke it after a few seconds, “We probably should decide what we want to eat before he comes back”

Alexia hummed, as you began opening the menu on the table, she seemed to not be able to avoid meeting your gaze having a silent conversation between you as much as you couldn’t either, “You don’t like getting into trouble or something?”

“You kidding?” You adjusted in your seat to sit more straight backed as your eyes scanned over the menu, realising you weren't quite as nervous as your body language and positioning would have anyone believe, “My middle names trouble”

“What is your middle name?”

“I’m not telling you that”

“Why?” That clearly peaked Alexia’s interest her arms resting over the menu she should of been reading her body leaning forward, “Come on, i’ll tell you mine”

“It’s not a tit for tat situation” You closed your menu over already decided on what you wanted, “It’s on a need to know basis”

“What basis grants me the need to know”

“When you need to know I’ll let you know” The feeling you got by being able to make Alexia laugh and grin practically ear to ear was a tad overwhelming, it was like you’d just won gold in the sport of, well being able to make a reported stoic women look anything but.

“Please do, I’m curious now” Her attention went back to the menu as you task’d yourself with opening the wine and pouring two glasses, “Gracias” it was a treat to your ears to hear her speaking Spanish, it was captivating, you wouldn’t have a clue what she was saying but you could listen to her speaking Spanish all evening. You found her accent when she spoke English, charming, it endeared you to her if she wasn’t doing that with her personality already. “So how do you know Carla?”

“Um” You placed your glass back down, “We met, in Paris. I was at Parc de Princes with United, I don’t know why she was there but we got talking and followed each other on Instagram and just kept in touch, she quite quickly became a really good friend of mine.”

Alexia looked a little confused you thought this is where it would all go down hill, she clearly didn’t know what you did for a living, what had brought you to Barcelona in the first place. “United?”

“Manchester United in the WSL, I was a photographer for the women’s team.”

Realisation hit Alexia, “Oh, so you doing a similar job as Carla?” You nodded, “You still with United?” You shook your head just as the waiter came to take the food order, as Alexia handed off her menu she asked, “You don’t do that anymore?”

“No I still do that, but I do all the social media side of things now to”

“Dare I ask who for? I assume thats why you're in Spain”

“Why are there clubs that would make you leave?” Alexia sipped her wine her eyes questioning you silently over the rim, “I’m scared”

She put her glass back down, “Don't be, just say it, I won’t leave.. maybe” she teased with a flick of her eyebrows that made your stomach churn

“Badalona” you confirmed and she tilted her head

“Could be worse, I can forgive you for that”

Your lips were brought back into your mouth briefly before you spoke, “Very gracious of you”

“I don’t remember seeing you at the games when we’ve played them, i think i would remember you” You tried to not overthink the intimation behind her words, it could mean a lot of things and you couldn’t let yourself go down that road, not here. Not now.

“I only joined two months ago” You spoke softer, “Did Carla not say?”

Alexia shook her head, “No, I got told she had a friend she wanted me to meet, I said no. I don’t like blind dates.”

“Yet here you are” Alexia just shrugged at you, she didn’t offer you any explanation nor did it seem she wanted to, it made you wonder what changed for her, what did Carla say that changed her mind? Did she get a name? A picture? “Did she kidnap you from your home and bring you here to?”

Alexia smiled raising her eyes from her finger running along the rim of her glass, that was seductive in itself, it was flirtatious, “No, I came of my own free will.. I was intrigued”

“Gosh, I don’t want to know what Carla told you” In truth Carla told her nothing, Alexia got a name and shown a picture of you, she wanted to see those eyes in person in all honesty truth.

“Just that you can’t speak Spanish to save your life” she got that information after agreeing to this evening.

“That’s a lie I can say hospital” Your mouth dropped as Alexia actually rolled her eyes at you shaking her head lips curling at the edges

“It’s said the same almost, it doesn’t count”

“So does! In the context of speaking Spanish to save my life” You put her hand out as your elbow rested on the table, “Right?”

“Maybe” her chest moved as she silently laughed at you, you couldn’t read her eyes, “Carla did say you were funny”

“Am I funny?”

Alexia tilted her chin down ever so slightly as one corner of her mouth turned up, “I’ve laughed at you a few times does that count?”

You silently said oh come on with the face you pulled when your head turned to the side, “No”

“In the context of finding you funny” You took a deep breath shaking your head as she proudly smiled successfully teasing you, “You’ve made me laugh, right?” She mimicked your hand from earlier,

“You’re not funny”

You were trying and failing at stopping yourself from smiling, she leant closer a finger pointing at you, “Are you sure, there’s a bit of a smile there”

“I’m laughing at you does that count?”

Alexia’s whole face lit up as she laughed at you sitting back in her chair, “Touché” She drank some of her wine, “You’re funny” You smiled triumphantly as Alexia conceded with a smile of her own, she took your glasses off handing them back over, you felt her watching you as you leant down to your side putting them back in your bag. “So you’ve been at your job 2 months now you’ve said?”

“You can’t even say Badalona?”

“No”

You giggled to yourself as your eyes were down on yourself fixing your jacket, “Yeah I’ve been at Badalona 2 months now”

Alexia gave you an unimpressed look before speaking ignoring your giggling behind her hand as you leant on it, “How are you finding it?”

You looked up, meeting her gaze. "Honestly? It’s a bit overwhelming. The culture shock is real, and while I love the city, I’m still figuring everything out. But I’m excited about the potential of the job and the projects I can work on and just see where I can take it really."

She nodded, her expression softening. "It can be tough starting fresh, but the city has a way of welcoming you. Just give it time, and it will feel like home."

Your heart warmed at the sincerity of her words. "Thanks, I hope so. I'm trying to immerse myself in everything—food, culture, the language. But I’ll admit, the language barrier is a bit of a mountain."

Alexia leaned forward, resting her chin on her hand. "You know, a lot of the foreign players that come into Barcelona say that but they soon pick it up.”

"Really?" Your words were hopeful because so far your attempt at picking up the language and been hopeless

“You do have a head start knowing Spanish that would save your life so you can pick it up even quicker than them” she teased, her eyes sparkling.

You chuckled, your cheeks warming at her playfully teasing you yet again. “You’re annoying.”

"I know,” she said with a playful smirk

The waiter returned to your table, placing your food in front of you. As the aroma filled the air, you felt a wave of comfort wash over you. You were sharing this meal with Alexia, and the nerves that had initially consumed you began to dissipate.

As you both dug into your meals, the conversation flowed naturally. You talked about your favourite foods, shared funny stories from your past, ones that didn’t give away any of the negative parts of you. Alexia was easy to talk to, her laughter infectious, and every smile she offered made you feel more at ease.

"So, what’s your favourite thing about being a photographer?" she asked, her eyes focused on you, genuinely intrigued.

You thought for a moment, reflecting on your journey. "It's the ability to capture moments that tell a story, to freeze a feeling in time. I love being behind the lens, seeing the world from different perspectives. Plus, in women’s football, it’s incredible to see the growth and recognition the sport is finally getting."

Alexia’s expression turned thoughtful. "I completely understand that. I often feel like my journey in football is about more than just the game. It’s about paving the way for future generations, breaking barriers, and showcasing the talent that women possess."

"Exactly! And it’s inspiring to see someone like you leading that charge," you said, your admiration evident. "The impact you have on young girls is immeasurable really I see that with the way the girls at Badalona have spoke of you.”

She smiled, a hint of humility in her eyes. "Thank you. I just want to do my part. But enough about me—tell me more about your journey. How did you get into photography?"

You launched into your story, recounting your early interest in photography, how you started with landscapes, and eventually transitioned to sports because as the youngest of your siblings you were dragged along to sport games and you’d bring your camera along for something to do and found a love for photographing sports, in particularly football. As you spoke, you noticed how Alexia listened intently, nodding and occasionally interjecting with questions that showed genuine interest. Something you’d never experienced before when discussing your absolute favourite thing in this world. You were normally met with laughter ridicule and the age old question that you despised. When are you going to get a real job?

Time passed, and before you knew it, your plates were empty, and the restaurant was beginning to quiet down.

"Okay, let's do a fun one," Alexia proposed, her eyes gleaming with mischief. "If you could go and live any moment in women's football history, what would it be?"

You paused, pondering the possibilities. "Hmm, that's a tough one. I think it would be something monumental, like the first women’s football World Cup match. To see the joy and pride on those players’ faces, knowing they were paving the way for the future."

"That’s a good choice. I think I would have loved to see the moment when we first played Camp Nou, I don’t feel like I got to take in the moment like I should or could have because I was so focused on the game. The emotions in that moment would be priceless."

You both smiled at each other, the connection deepening as you shared these thoughts. The waiter returned, offering dessert, but you both politely declined, too full and content with the evenings food offerings already. You felt a sense of warmth and connection that was unexpected yet exhilarating. You had come into this date feeling out of your depth, but now, it felt like you were slowly uncovering layers of a potential confidence in yourself and who you were was actually good enough.

You and Alexia had a playful argument over the bill before she relented and let you split it seeing just how stubborn you could be. She followed behind you out of the restaurant out into the crisp air of Barcelona at night, “Do you um” you looked to Alexia when she spoke coming in to step with you on the pavement away from the restaurant, “Do you have somewhere to be or do you fancy going for a drink? I know a great spot” she posed to you

You paused for a moment contemplating the implications before offering a smile, “I have no where to be”

As you walked side by side, the streetlights illuminated your path, creating a soft glow around you. The atmosphere was alive with laughter and chatter from nearby cafes and bars, enhancing the sense of adventure in the air. Neither offered a word as you walked in complete comfortable silence, your attention on the architecture of the buildings around you so much so you wished you had your camera to hand some of the building were completely stunning.

As you approached the bars entrance, the sounds of clinking glasses and laughter greeted you. You stepped inside, the warmth wrapping around you like a welcoming embrace. The walls were adorned with vintage photographs, and the atmosphere was vibrant yet intimate. It was giving romantic. Alexia moved through the bar every so often looking back to make sure you were close and still following as the crowd got slightly more compact, you soon got out the other side guiding you to a lift. “Un minuto Alexia” A voice called you tried to find it in the crowd but you couldn’t place the person until a young women who took a second to take you in came and look to Alexia swiped a card the doors opening. You felt a slight encouraging push on the small of your back from Alexia a silent you first, you stepped inside with her following behind, the woman leant in pressed a button touched her card to a little black box. “Diviértete chicas” she smiled stepping out and the doors closed and off you were going.

“My cousin” Alexia offered quietly over the lift music, it was giving James Bond the vibe, you half expected when the doors opened to be met by attractive men in suits holding guns at you but instead you were met with a stunning view of the city.

“Oh, wow” you were breathless as you stepped out onto the rooftop, it was breathtaking the city by night you could see La Sagrada Familia in the distance completely standing tall in the view the magnificent building it was all lit up. You’d been here two months and still yet to go see it, it had been bumped up your to do list quite rapidly seeing it from this distance and still being impressed by it.

Alexia interrupted you gazing flicking her head to tell you to follow her, you followed dutifully behind, there were only a few other faces up here, she motioned for you to squeeze around the table with a fire pit in the middle to settle on the sofa, “What do you want to drink?” Alexia asked, “Espresso Martinis are good here”

“I’ll have one of those” you smiled, “Thank you”

You watched Alexia disappear out of view before you took your phone from your bag, you had a few texts from Carla

I hope you have a nice time

Alexia is a good person

Just be kind and I promise you’ll have a nice time with her

You smiled at the messages sent not long after she left you all those hours ago, you were shocked to see the time was nearly 11, you’d met Alexia at 7 o’clock, you were replying when Alexia rounded the corner with two cocktails

Yeah she’s lovely, this wasn’t nearly as awful as I thought it would be 🤍

You locked your phone slipping it back into your bag beside you, “That was quick”

Alexia grinned as she settled onto the sofa beside you, placing the cocktails on the table. "The bartender knows how to work fast" she said, handing you your drink. "I hope you like it."

You took a sip, the rich flavour of the espresso martini dancing on your tongue. "Wow, this is amazing! You were right."

She leaned back, visibly pleased. "I told you! It’s one of my favourites. The perfect blend of coffee and sweetness."

As you both relaxed into the plush sofa, you took a moment to soak in the view yet again. The city sprawled out beneath you, illuminated by countless lights. The Sagrada Familia stood majestically in the distance all light up your eye naturally staying on the stunning building, a reminder of the artistry that defined Barcelona. It's history.

"Isn’t it incredible?" Alexia said, breaking the comfortable silence. "The way the city transforms at night. It feels completely different, doesn’t it?"

"Definitely," you agreed, your eyes still captivated by the twinkling lights. "It’s like a different world up here." You were speaking so softly to match the aurora of the rooftop and the silence despite being in the middle of the city, soft music in the background and the giggling woman in the corner with her boyfriend canoodling.

You both sipped your drinks, letting the ambiance wash over you. The warmth of the fire pit flickered nearby, adding to the cozy atmosphere. It felt intimate, the kind of setting that encouraged deeper conversations. "So," Alexia began, her tone shifting slightly with your body following it turning ever so slightly to face you. “Tell me about your family.”

“My family is a complicated one” Alexia listened intently, her expression thoughtful. Your eyes moved down to the drink in your hand you took a sip sitting up to place it on the table before sinking back down on the sofa, both your heads barely visible over the back of it you were that comfortable on it. “I don’t like talking about it”

You chanced a look at her, the soft glow of the fire reflecting in her eyes. "What’s your go-to drink? Is it as sophisticated as you are?"

You chuckled, thankful she changed the subject without fuss or further questioning. "Depends on the occasion. If I’m feeling adventurous, maybe a fancy cocktail, but most days, I’m just a beer and pizza kind of person. What about you? Do you always order espresso martinis, or is that just for impressing me?"

She laughed, the sound melodic and inviting. "Oh, you caught me! I only order them when I’m trying to charm someone. I guess I’m trying to establish a vibe here."

You raised an eyebrow, a playful smirk forming on your lips. "Well, I’d say it’s working. But now I’m curious—what else do you do to charm someone?"

Alexia turned her head from you, a teasing smile playing on her lips as she reached forward to place her drink on the table next to yours “I might throw in a few compliments, maybe get a little laughter going, and definitely some good eye contact."

"Good eye contact, huh?" you replied, replaying all the moments her eyes would always somehow find yours, gaining her attention back her cheek resting against her shoulder as she watched you. "So, like this?" You locked eyes with her, holding her gaze just a moment longer than necessary.

Her cheeks flushed slightly, and she chuckled, breaking the intensity. “Like that is just fine, I think you’re catching on quick”

"Just trying to keep up with a professional footballer," you teased. "It’s not easy."

Her eyes twinkling with challenge she whispered out. "Maybe I should give you some tips on how to handle it."

You leaned your head back into the sofa as you moved your weight onto your right hip to angle towards her like she had you, you were intrigued. "Oh, I’m all ears. What’s your best advice for someone trying to impress a football superstar?"

"Humility and discretion is key," she said, her voice low and playful. "And a little mystery never hurts. Keep them wondering what you’re thinking."

You nodded, feigning seriousness. "So I should just stare at you blankly, then?"

Alexia burst into laughter, her eyes sparkling. "That’s not quite what I meant. But it might work if you do it with the right amount of charm!"

You nodded yet again, “I’ll be sure to report back when I try it on one of the professional footballers at Badalona” You felt a flutter of pride at your tease you shared a smile and eye contact before she rolled her head to look out at the view again. The rooftop became your own little world, a sanctuary where you could connect and explore each other’s minds oblivious to who was around it could be empty or packed for all either of you knew. So intently focused on one another.

You caught Alexia eye you out the corner of her eye, “You got your eye on someone then?” there sounded like a hint of disappointment in her voice.

“No, thought it might make a good TikTok” she smiled shaking her head at your joke. You glanced over your shoulder at the couple before you found Alexia already looking at you when you turned your head back. “Maybe I should start my own TikTok for some dating tips,” you suggested playfully, your heart racing as her gaze lingered on you. “After all, who wouldn’t want to learn how to charm a superstar?”

Alexia chuckled, her laughter mingling with the soft music that floated through the air around you. “I’d watch that! Just make sure to include the part where you stare blankly at them,” she teased, her eyes sparkling with mischief. The two of you shared a comfortable silence, sipping your drinks and watching the stars twinkle above. The atmosphere felt charged with a mix of excitement and an underlying shift of flirtatious banter between you that neither of you could ignore.

In the midst of that silence, you felt the weight of her gaze, a warmth radiating from her presence that made your heart race. The flickering fire pit cast a soft glow on her features, highlighting the delicate curve of her smile and the way her eyes sparkled with mischief. It was intoxicating, drawing you in deeper. “Have you ever considered that the stars might be watching us right now?” you asked playfully, the corner of your mouth lifting in a teasing grin. “Maybe they’re taking notes on our date.”

Alexia chuckled, tilting her head back to gaze at the night sky. “If they are, I hope they’re impressed. This is quite the evening.”

You laughed, “I’m definitely impressed. Not every day you get to share a drink with a football superstar on a rooftop in Barcelona.”

Her cheeks flushed slightly, and she turned her gaze back to you, her expression softening. “And not every day I get to share a drink with an incredibly beautiful woman who has a way of making me laugh.”

You felt a surge of warmth at her compliment, your heart fluttering at the sincerity in her tone. “You’re making me blush,” you admitted, a playful grin spreading across your face.

“I can see that,” she replied, her eyes sparkling with delight. “It's cute.” The atmosphere shifted, the playful banter giving way to a deeper seriousness. You both leaned in slightly, as if the world around you had faded away, leaving just the two of you suspended in this moment. “Can I confess something?” Alexia said, her voice dropping to a softer tone.

“Of course,” you replied, intrigued by her shift in demeanour.

“I was really nervous before we met. I had no idea what to expect,” she admitted, her gaze steady on yours. “But honestly? This has turned out to be one of the best nights I’ve had in a long time.”

Your heart swelled at her words, a rush of warmth flooding through you. “I feel the same way. I was so anxious, but being here with you… I’m really enjoying myself”

“Carla will be unbearable when she finds out”

You laughed Alexia’s eyes lowering to your hand on her forearm the first physical contact you’d had, “I’ll leave that joy with you”

“Gee Thanks”

“Welcome” you smiled sincerely at her.

Alexia glanced at her watch. “I can’t believe it’s already midnight,” she said, surprise evident in her voice. “Time really flies when you’re having fun.”

“It really does,” you agreed, a hint of reluctance in your tone. Part of you didn’t want the night to end.

“How you getting home?”

“Uber” she nodded at your answer like it was the correct answer

“Well, I’ll wait with you, I can walk from here”

“Is that safe?”

She softly smiled at you almost like she appreciated you cared, “Yes, shall we have one more before we make a move?”

You began to pull yourself up from the sofa you’d both slouched down sitting extremely comfortably, “I’ll get these”

As the night warned it was drawing to a close, your nerves were spiking again, you really didn’t want this night to end. In the past when hearing stories of two women meeting on a first date and stayed that evening and never left. It baffled you how someone could do that. You certainly couldn’t. But stood here now waiting for the bartender to make your drinks, the feeling of dread of having to part from her filling you up, the notion didn’t feel so far fetched anymore.

You smiled when she looked to you with a pleased smile as you returned, she genuinely looked happy you’d returned, “Here you go”

Alexia sat up as you perched on the edge as you both took a sip as she placed her drink on the table you didn't know whether it was the fire pit or Alexia's continued gaze but your cheeks felt warm.

You smiled as you settled back onto the sofa, the glow from the fire pit enveloping you both. Alexia's gaze remained fixed on you, her eyes twinkling in the soft light.

"You know," she began, her voice low and intimate, "I'm really glad Carla convinced me to come tonight. I almost said no."

You raised an eyebrow, curiosity piqued. "Oh? What made you change your mind?"

Alexia's lips curled into a small smile. "She showed me a picture of you. Those eyes of yours... I couldn't resist the chance to see them in person."

Your heart fluttered at her admission. "Well, I'm glad you did. Though I have to admit, I was terrified when I saw it was you sitting at the table."

"Terrified?" Alexia chuckled. "Why's that?"

You felt a blush creep up your cheeks as you admitted, "Well, you're... you. I was worried I'd make a fool of myself or that we'd have nothing in common. Or I wasn't good enough for your time or something"

Alexia's expression softened at your final comment, her eyes warm as they met yours. "And now?"

"Now..." you paused, gathering your thoughts. "Now I'm just glad I took the chance. You're not at all what I expected."

"Is that a good thing?" she asked, a hint of vulnerability in her voice.

You nodded, a gentle smile playing on your lips. "Definitely. You're funny, kind, and so easy to talk to. I feel like I've known you for ages."

Alexia's face lit up at your words. She reached out discreetly, her fingers brushing lightly against yours on the sofa cushion between you. The touch sent a jolt of electricity through you, your breath catching in your throat. Alexia's eyes flickered down to where your hands touched before meeting your gaze again.

"I feel the same way," she said softly, her eyes never leaving yours. "There's something about you that just... draws me in."

The air between you felt charged, thick with possibility. You found yourself leaning in slightly, pulled by an invisible force. Alexia mirrored your movement, her eyes darting to your lips before returning to your eyes. The rest of the world seemed to fade away, leaving just the two of you in this moment.

"Y/N," she whispered, her voice barely audible over the soft music and the crackling fire. "I don't usually do this with someone I've just met, but..."

Your heart raced as you anticipated her next words. "But?" you prompted gently. You silently begging her to put you out your misery and finish that sentence.

"But I really want to kiss you right now," Alexia admitted, her cheeks flushing slightly.

Time seemed to stand still as she waited for your answer but you were waiting for her to follow through on her words, you brought your face closer to hers the spacing slowly fading, her eyes went to your lips as your noses brushed as she closed the gap you'd left, your eyes closed and it was the most soft sweet connection of your lips with another’s you’d had. They were pressed together for four Mississippi’s, not that you were counting, you felt breathless when her lips left yours your chest had for sure flushed under your tee but neither of you made a move to create a distance.

She smiled first before you laughed ever so softly, her smile grew.

"For the record" You whispered, "I really wanted to kiss you to"

Her thumb came up to hold your chin and she did it again, that sweet crush of your lips, her mouth opened and closed again around your bottom lip before she released her gentle hold. You watched her throat bounce as she pulled herself away, "I'm really glad we got that second drink"

You began laughing softly which made her smile grow, you reached for said drink and took a long sip, dutch courage you probably should have had before the kiss. "Me to"

You were soon back in the comfortable bubble with Alexia resting back in the sofa drink in hand smiling as you continued having free flowing conversations, "What's your middle name?" You tittered at her bringing that back up.

"Promise me you won't laugh" Alexia simply rose her eyebrows, "Elsa"

"Like out of frozen?" her brows had changed from curiosity to confusion in a flash

"And that's why I don't tell people" You touched the back of your hand to her bicep ever so briefly.

"Let's stay calm Elsa, I'm nice and toasty don't fancy being frozen" she laughed her arms coming over her chest when you back handed her arm with a bit more force this time.

"Don't call me Elsa"

Alexia narrowed her eyes that mischievous glint back again, "Oh I am so calling you Elsa" her lips broke into a smile before you both started laughing yet again.

"Alexia" Alexia sat up looking over shoulder to the voice, you remembered that voice it was the woman from the lift, "Nena, ya cerramos, tendrás que irte, lo siento." Alexia nodded sitting back again she pointed at your phone just sticking out your bag.

"Do you want to order your uber, they're closing so they're kicking us out"

"Geez, what time is it?" You got your phone, "You know we said one more an hour and a half again"

"We've really nursed those drinks"

You sat up looking behind you at Alexia still lay back, "To busy chatting, you really can chew a girls ear off"

"Charmingly I hope" You out the corner of your eye caught her smiling as you did so pulling your app up, "All good?" you nodded slipping your phone back into your bag as Alexia got to her feet moving out from behind the table you soon followed suit back into the lift you came out of two and a half hours ago.

The benefit of living in a city was as you came out the bar back onto the street your Uber was already waiting, "Thank you" you looked to Alexia, "I've had a really great night"

Alexia silently opened her arms you stepped forward to accept, your eyes closed when one arm came around your body and another hand rested on the back of your head. "Me to"

"Get home safe"

Alexia nodded as you pulled the uber door open, she simply nodded you shared a little smile as you shut the door and she waved you off into the night. Leaving her behind a grinning mess.

Alexia took a shot coming here tonight and it turned out to the perfect one.

-------------------

Like I said nervous about this one 🙈 let me know what you think

#alexia x reader #alexia putellas x reader #alexia putellas fanfic #woso fanfics #alexia putellas #woso #barca femeni #barcelona femeni #alexia putellas imagine #woso imagine #alexia putellas x y/n #alexia putellas one shot #fcb femeni

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becauseiamarobot · 8 hours ago

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As someone who does creative-y things (I made a couple ttrpgs on itch) and is interested in the Metrics of social media promotion I can 100% back this up. Twitter was dead as a promotional tool for a WHILE even before the elon buyout. Years of the bot problem being... pretty much terrible, the dunk-based user culture, and the rampant misinfo on the platform meant that people just weren't clicking on links any more. They'd interact with posts, QRT and fav and boost and dunk on you based on the headline, but the actual ratio of people clicking through to your work (or your patreon, commission info, etc.) was terrible and had been for years. It was pointless using the platform to promote your work, and it's only gotten worse as every audience has fled for other sites. BSky has a lot of the structural problems of pre-2022 Twitter (and they're funded by a crypto company, which is its own can of worms) but it's at least vibrant and has a much higher rate of people clicking through to see your stuff.

Weirdly I've found Mastodon to be the "best" social media platform to promote my own work on, despite the fact its much cozier than bsky and never feels like "everything is going on over there" like other social media platforms. You have a much smaller potential audience there but the fact that masto is silo'd off into topic-focused communities (the art instance, the gamedev instance, the ttrpg instance, the SFF instances) means users are more devoted to whatever niche draws them to the individual website, so a much higher percentage of people who see your posts will go through and click on your work or buy it down the line.

Hilariously though what's led to the most eyeballs on my work than... basically all the social media platforms I'm on combined was setting up a neocities page as a static landing point for my work and then lucking my way into some positive word of mouth and reviews in blogs, so YMMV.

Artists.

You do not need your Twitter.

Twitter is not the boost you think it is anymore.

I have seen at least 6 people I follow on BlueSky saying they have looked into their numbers and compared to Twitter? BSky gives them over double the exposure and follow through for outside links (probably because Twitter kills your tweet if you have links).

Twitter is testing a feature to allow other users to click a button attached to your posts to put your art into their Grok ai and make ai art with it without your permission automatically.

It is marking non-ai art as being made with Grok (probably to promote it).

You do not need Twitter.

Twitter needs you.

Starve the fuckin thing.

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princesseilish · 14 hours ago

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NOBODY GETS ME

Paige bueckers x Singer!Reader

Warnings: Heavy angst, breakup aftermath, unresolved feelings, social media speculation, slow burn.

Synopsis: heavily based of “Nobody gets me” by SZA, because we love her, i know i do

Paige wasn’t sure why she even still checked. Muscle memory, probably.

She’d deleted every trace of Y/n from her social media. Unfollowed, untagged, erased. That should’ve been enough. That should’ve been closure. But somehow, against all logic, her thumb still hovered over Y/n’s name when she searched it up, heart sinking at the absence of the “Follow” button.

Gone.

That was the point.

And yet, no matter how many times she told herself she was over it, over her, the world wasn’t done shoving reminders in her face.

Y/n had been on tour for three weeks now. A massive success, sold-out venues, screaming fans—everywhere Paige turned, there was another clip, another article, another moment she tried to ignore.

But nothing hit harder than the song.

Nobody Gets Me.

The first time she heard about it, Azzi was the one who showed her. Of course it was Azzi.

They were in the locker room after practice, cooling down from a brutal session, when her best friend plopped down beside her, phone already in hand.

“Dude,” Azzi started, like she was trying to keep her voice casual, but Paige knew better. “You seen this yet?”

Paige barely spared the screen a glance. “Don’t care.”

“Yeah, you do.”

Azzi pressed play before she could stop it, and suddenly, Y/n’s voice filled the space between them.

“i don’t want to see you with anyone but me,”

Paige’s stomach twisted.

The video showed Y/n standing center stage, bathed in soft lighting, her fingers wrapped around a microphone. She looked different—hollow in a way that wasn’t just the stage design. Her eyes were closed, brows furrowed like the words physically hurt coming out.

“Nobody gets me like you”

Paige inhaled sharply, forcing herself to look away, but it was too late. The damage was done.

The crowd in the video sang the words back to her ex, voices full of emotion, but all Paige could focus on was the way Y/n’s voice cracked on the final chorus. The way she turned away from the mic for half a second, as if she was breaking right there in front of them all.

Azzi’s phone screen dimmed, but the silence between them stretched.

Paige clenched her jaw, shoving her water bottle back into her bag. “It’s just a song.”

Azzi hummed. “Sure.”

Paige tried not to think about it. Really, she did.

But it was impossible when the whole world seemed obsessed with connecting the dots for her.

“Y/n’s new song… definitely about her ex. But WHO??”

“Okay but be fr, Nobody Gets Me SCREAMS Paige Bueckers.”

“They were together for YEARS and just broke up. This song HURTS.”

Paige could ignore Twitter. She could ignore the fan edits, the TikToks, the thousands of comments dissecting every lyric.

But she couldn’t ignore the way it made her feel.

Because if she was being honest—painfully, brutally honest—Y/n was right.

Nobody did get her like Y/n.

Nobody understood the pressure she carried, the way basketball wasn’t just a game to her—it was everything. Nobody had been there from the start, back when she was just a kid with big dreams and shaky hands.

Nobody knew what it was like to fall asleep tangled together in the middle of winter, or to sit in the nosebleeds of an empty arena after a loss because Paige didn’t want to go home yet.

Nobody knew how Y/n used to trace circles on the inside of her wrist when she was anxious.

Nobody knew that Paige still reached for a body that wasn’t there when she woke up in the middle of the night.

So yeah.

She wasn’t stupid. She knew exactly who the song was about.

And that was the problem.

Y/n knew what she was doing.

She knew from the moment she stepped onto that stage, from the second she let the first note slip past her lips.

She knew when she whispered, “This one’s personal,” into the mic before the first verse.

She knew.

And so did Paige.

That was the point.

Paige sat on her couch, wrapped in the dim glow of the streetlights filtering through her cracked blinds. The city outside felt like a constant hum, a reminder that nothing ever stopped, even though it felt like her whole world had.

She hadn’t expected this. Not today. But the number flashing on her screen was all too familiar.

3 AM.

Y/n.

She wasn’t sure why it had taken so long for the message to come through. So much time had passed since their breakup, and now here Y/n was again, calling her at an ungodly hour like it was the only time they could have a conversation that wasn’t filled with too many memories.

Her thumb hovered over the green button for a long moment, thoughts swirling in her head. She should ignore it. She shouldn’t even think about picking up. The last thing she needed was another conversation full of words they couldn’t take back. But that was always the thing about Y/n, wasn’t it? Even when she shouldn’t, even when it hurt, Paige still wanted to hear her voice.

She pressed the button.

“Hello?” Paige’s voice was hoarse, thicker than she meant it to be. She felt the weight of the past couple of months sitting on her chest.

“Paige…” The sound of Y/n’s voice, soft and unsure, made the space between them feel endless. “I—uh, I didn’t know who else to call.”

That was nothing new. Y/n had always been the one who knew exactly how to find Paige when she was at her lowest, when things felt unfixable.

But this wasn’t the same.

“I’m not… I’m not sure what you want from me,” Paige replied, not angry, just tired. “I thought we agreed this was it.”

“Yeah. I know,” Y/n whispered. “But this song—”

Paige clenched her jaw. She already knew where this was going. The song. Nobody Gets Me. The one that had followed her through every city on tour, through every game, through every article written about her and Y/n.

“You don’t get to play that card now,” Paige bit out, the anger bubbling just beneath the surface. She regretted the words the moment they left her lips, but it didn’t change how she felt. “You can’t just come back into my life whenever you want because you wrote a song about me. You left.”

There was a long pause on the other end of the line. Paige could hear Y/n breathing, slow and measured. “I didn’t mean to leave you,” she said quietly. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know you didn’t,” Paige muttered. “But you still did.”

The silence between them felt like a void, a space neither of them knew how to fill anymore.

“I’ve been reading what people are saying…” Y/n started, hesitating, as if she didn’t want to continue. “They know it’s about you.”

“Great,” Paige said flatly. “Everyone’s got something to say about it, huh?”

Y/n laughed, but it was soft, almost bitter. “I don’t care about what they think, Pa—I mean, Paige.” She stumbled over her words like it hurt. “I didn’t do it for them. I did it for you. I don’t know how else to say this, but… I’m sorry for how everything ended. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t even know if it can be fixed.”

Paige closed her eyes, the exhaustion of everything weighing her down. “I don’t know either,” she whispered. “I don’t even know if I want it fixed.”

Y/n let out a shaky breath. “I didn’t want to be the one to walk away, but I couldn’t stay either. I couldn’t be what you needed anymore.”

Paige could feel the tension in her chest tighten. So this is what it was, then. This is how they would end. With nothing left but the words that were said too late.

“You were always what I needed,” Paige said softly, before she even realized she had said it aloud. She cleared her throat. “It’s just not the same anymore.”

Y/n didn’t respond at first, and the silence felt heavy. She could hear the faint hum of a car passing outside, the far-off sounds of the city that never truly slept.

“I didn’t want to leave,” Y/n finally said. “But I couldn’t stay in something that was breaking me, too.”

Paige swallowed, the lump in her throat thick. “You should’ve told me that. I would’ve understood. But you didn’t. You just… disappeared. And now I’m left here, not knowing what happened. Not knowing where we went wrong.”

The honesty in Y/n’s voice hit like a punch to the gut. “I didn’t know how to say it.”

And just like that, the door they had slammed shut months ago creaked open again, just a little.

“I don’t want this to be over,” Y/n continued, and it was like the words were a plea. “I don’t want it to feel like… like we’re strangers.”

The vulnerability in her voice cracked through the anger and the hurt, and for the first time in a long time, Paige wasn’t sure what she wanted anymore.

She didn’t know if she could go back, if they could really make it work. But hearing Y/n’s voice, hearing the pain, the regret, made her feel like there was a possibility that maybe they could find their way through this mess, no matter how long it took.

“I don’t know how to start over with you, Y/n,” Paige said softly. “But I guess… I guess I don’t want to lose you either.”

Another long silence stretched between them. Neither of them knew what came next.

“I’ll see you when I see you,” Y/n whispered, her voice thick, breaking just slightly as if she was trying to hold back the tears she couldn’t let fall.

And with that, the line went quiet.

Paige stared at her phone in the dark, her heart pounding in her chest.

They were far from any kind of resolution, but for the first time in months, she wasn’t sure if that was a bad thing.

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berryispunk · 2 days ago

Text

Insomniacs

pairing: Frankie Morales x f! reader

tags: friends to lovers, insomnia, mental health struggles (ptsd, depression), soft! Frankie, kissing, yearning, swearing, nicknames (hermosa), fluff, idiots in love, no smut, no physical description of reader apart from having hair

summary: What if you can’t sleep and you call for your best friend to come over and suddenly everything changes ?

word count: 3,1 k

It’s nothing new that you can’t sleep. Dealing with various mental health stuff over the years and chronic pain on top, you should know better.

You tried every sleeping aid under the sun; meditation, counting sheep, lavender on your pillow and melatonin. Nothing worked, so you started to build your life around it. Midnights became your afternoons to quote Taylor Swift.

But you were creative, somehow still holding up the hope that it magically gets better or you’ll just get used to it. But it never happened.

So tonight as the red numbers of your digital alarm clock illuminate your face, mocking you once again, you groan in frustration. You stare at the ceiling, watching the various colored lights of the cityscape dancing around and if you weren’t so damn defeated you would be able to find beauty in this, but you can’t. Not today. You reach for your phone charging on your nightstand and scroll mindlessly through social media. Minutes turn into an hour and you finally sit up in your bed, opening your messages app. It’s 2:30 a.m., who could possibly be awake at this hour? Your international friends? Yeah, for sure. But as you go through your various contacts you stop at one name, smiling to yourself as you press the call button.

It takes three rings until a familiar deep voice fills your ears.

“Hello?” the voice murmurs and you immediately feel guilty because you didn’t expect him to have been asleep. His voice sounds exhausted.

“Oh my god. Sorry Frankie, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” you apologize and he chuckles softly at the other end.

“‘s alright, wasn’t really sleeping just… dozing off. What’s up, hermosa? It’s….” he pauses shortly. “It's, fuck, 2:32 at night. What is going on? Are you alright?” The worry in his voice is palpable and it’s one of the things you admire about him.

“Yeah, it’s the same old insomnia again and I figured why not call the one person that gets my pain?” you say apologetically and you can practically hear his smirk.

“Us good old insomniacs, huh? Is it your brain or the pain this time?” he asks and you sigh heavily in response.

“Probably a mix of both…” you sink deeper into your cushion.

Frankie might be the only person you ever met who understands the struggles that come with lack of sleep. His military background and the resulting nightmares made him an ally in the cruel game that called itself life. The two of you spent countless nights like this, on the phone or texting, watching nonsense over whatever TV channel was on but you’ve never done one thing: late-night meetings.

You weren’t sure if it was a secret agreement the both of you made that late night meetings were off-limits in all the time you’ve known each other, but tonight something felt different.

“Hey Frankie?”

“Hm?”

“Why have we never met? At night, when we weren’t able to sleep… I mean, you only live on the other side of the city, not the world.”

The other end stays silent and you think you may have overstepped an up-to-now invisible line by asking.

Then he clears his throat. “Would you want me to come over? You never asked and I never did, because no way in hell I let you wander alone through the night…” he clarifies and you can’t help but roll your eyes. Of course, ever the gentleman Frankie Morales did not want to risk your safety.

“Well, what if I’d ask you to come over now?” You hear him swallowing heavily at the other end of line.

You don’t even know why you’re wanting this all of a sudden, maybe you’ve finally lost your mind. It’s not like there isn’t some underlying tension between the two of you anyway. Mindless flirting and playful teasing is all part of your friendship.

Frankie is way too trusting for his own good, getting screwed up by his lack of judgement concerning other people and his soft heart, even if he would never let the boys know. They would give him hell about it. But around you he’s let his guard down and you have deep conversations with him about all things going wrong and the few that haven't. He’s one of the few people who know about your troubled youth and strained relationship with your mother. You in turn are one of the few people that know the severity of his PTSD.

He makes you feel heard like no guy has ever managed to do. He really looks at you when you’re talking and it always makes you feel giddy when he remembers little things you told him a while back.

You like his attentive nature, but somehow you have never found yourself thinking of him as a potential partner, even if he’s awfully attractive with his broad shoulders and unruly dark curls. His million-watt smile that, if it’s honest, creates little wrinkles around his eyes and makes your own smile widen every damn time in return.

“Are you sure?” he asks, his voice strained and uncertain.

“I am,” you say boldly even if you feel anything but.

Fuckin hell, why does your heart beat so fast?

“Give me 20 minutes,” is the last thing you hear before the line goes dead.

You immediately jump up from your bed and panic takes over. What were you thinking? What do you even expect to happen when he’s here? Or worse, what if he expects something to happen? No, he would never. It’s Frankie after all, he would’ve had plenty of chances to make approaches but he never has, always keeping a respectful distance. And now you wonder if he only kept it because you made it seem like you weren’t interested in more than a friendship?

When you first met him, you actually had a little crush on him but held yourself back because you told yourself he was out of your league and he was in a relationship. Then they broke up, but he was in a new one only a few weeks later. It went on like that for a long time until you were taken. Your ex never liked the boys so you kept your distance and the estrangement grew until you broke up with the guy and picked up your friendships where you left off.

It’s always been so easy to be with Frankie. You could be yourself around him, no need to pretend to be someone you’re not. He saw you in every state: drunk, crying, bed head and pajamas or all dolled-up for another unfulfilling date. He still looked at you the same and it gave you some sort of confidence you’re usually unable to muster. So right now you don’t even think about changing. You stay in your sleep shirt and shorts, no underwear whatsoever, because it doesn’t matter anyway. The only thing you do is brush your teeth and open the messy bun your hair has been in, making it fall loosely over your shoulders.

For a moment you wonder whether he wants anything specific to drink, but as you check your fridge you see that you have plenty of soda and beer - both beverages you know he enjoys. So you sit down on the sofa, only the soft dim light of the standing lamp in the corner illuminating the room and you grow nervous again. Why, you can’t tell. This isn’t different from all the other times you’ve met him, the only difference being it’s late at night. But then you remember the saying ‘nothing good happens after 2 am’ and you get restless all over again until a soft knock on the door announces his arrival.

With a few quick steps you open the door, but only a crack and Frankie looks at you, tired brown eyes mustering you. He’s smiling as per usual and holds up a plastic bag. “I brought the pretzels you like so much.”

You open the door all the way to let him in. He’s wearing grey sweatpants, the standard oil cap which has to be glued to his head at this point, and one of his worn-down band shirts. Sometimes you “borrow” one of them when he doesn’t notice. You’re actually wearing one right now.

“Hi,” you grin as he places the plastic bag on the coffee table.

“Hi yourself,” he grins back and his eyes wander over your figure for a moment as his smirk widens. “Is that my shirt?” he asks, one eyebrow raised questioningly.

“Maybe,” you tease back, mirroring his smirk. “You want it back?”

He shakes his head, lifting his signature cap to run a hand through his curls before he puts it back on. “Nah, looks better on you anyway,” he says and somehow it makes your cheeks turn a bit warmer.

“You want something to drink?” you ask, clearing your throat.

“Yeah, a beer maybe? But please tell me you’ve got more than the muck from the gas station? Because that tastes like piss,” he complains and you laugh as you walk over to your kitchen, opening the fridge.

“Well, good for you I have actual beer, some Corona even if you’re feeling fancy.”

“Oh, I feel very fancy, hermosa,” he laughs and leans over the kitchen countertop as you reach for the beer. You feel his gaze on your backside, but decide to say nothing.

You place the beer on the counter, a soda in your hand, and the noise of it opening echoes loudly through the apartment. He opens his beer with a lighter before he takes the first sip.

It’s quiet for a moment before you ask, “How’s that girl you were talking about last week? Cindy or what’s her name?”

He shrugs, a lopsided smile on his face. “You’re asking me about my dating life?”

You frown, tilting the soda can in your hand before answering “Guess so.”

“Didn’t see her again,” he simply states and something blooms inside of you. Is it relief?

“Ah, okay…” you say, trying not to let your emotions show too much.

“And… you? How’s that guy you told me about? Jack?”

“Jacob,” you correct, not that it would matter. You met him once and it’s clear that he’s still very much in love with his ex-girlfriend.

“Yeah, Jacob, sorry,” he mumbles, rubbing his neck sheepishly. “How is he?”

“Guess he’s fine…I wouldn’t know, as I only went on a date with him once.”

“Oh.” “Oh?” you scoff and he chimes in with a chuckle.

“Yeah, what else should I say? He didn’t seem like a good match for you.”

“You know, you never said that about any of the guys I dated.”

“They were all losers.”

You raise an eyebrow. “What?”

“Shit, I‘m sorry…” he babbles but your eyebrows are furrowed.

“So tell me who’s a good match for me then?” You glare at him. It’s infuriating that he even thinks he’s allowed to judge you when he clearly isn’t better with all the girls he’s dated in the past.

“Someone who really cares for you and sees you for who you are. Someone who treats you right and would do anything to make you happy, you know…” He’s fiddling with the label on the beer bottle. You just watch him, too stunned to speak as his words strike a chord. You know he’s right and that makes it hurt even more.

“Maybe I’m just not made for a relationship,” you sigh as you take another sip of your soda, mimicking his stance by leaning across from him against the counter.

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“So what? You’re gonna tell me that there’s someone for me whom I just haven't met yet? That I didn’t search long or hard enough? I am 28, Frankie. I am tired of being in the dating pool. I just want… “ you exhale defeatedly. “I just want someone to come home to and who’s as happy to see me as I am to see him.”

“I am happy to see you,” he says quietly and it makes your heart miss a beat.

“Yeah, but that’s not the same and you know it.”

“Why not?” he asks back, your eyebrows shooting up as he finally looks up from the bottle in his hand and places it onto the next available surface. “You’re a smart girl, hermosa. Don’t tell me you don’t know?” There’s indignation in his voice.

“Don’t know what?”

With one big step he closes the distance between you, standing so close to you you can clearly smell the last bit of his perfume he’s probably worn during the day and most of all you can smell him. The earthiness, musk and warmth are weirdly comforting as he looks down at you.

“Do I have to spell it out for you or can you feel it as well?” he murmurs when you finally have the courage to meet his gaze, his eyes dark and searching.

“Frankie, I–”

Suddenly he’s so close, so all-consuming it makes it hard to think.

“Tell me you don’t feel it and I stop,” he whispers. You feel his breath on your face and the warm feeling inside your chest spreads further.

Of course you’ve felt that way before, but you didn’t think too much about it, not wanting to risk this friendship that's so important to you.

“I won’t,” you croak out and he smirks in response, the cocky smile he always has when he is certain about something.

“Figured,” he continues before adding, “So tell me, how many of these dickheads do you want to date until you give the one guy a chance that really cares about you?”

“But.. We are…”

“Friends? Yeah, and I want to be so much more than that to you. Do you really think I would drive through the city at this ungodly hour for just anyone?”

You search for his eyes again, slightly blushing and shaking your head.

He starts playing with a lock of hair, curling it around his thick fingers which makes you incredibly nervous.

“I woke you up, didn’t I? And now you stand here at 3 in the morning… I feel horrible.”

“Well, I don’t. I’m glad you invited me over. Who needs sleep if I can be with you instead?”

You smile at that.

“I’m still sorry.”

“No need,” he assures you. “There’s no place I’d rather be right now…”

And his voice drips with honesty as his eyes lock with yours and the intensity of his gaze paired with his words make your breath hitch. Your eyes flick onto his plush lips which look so much more kissable up close and you bite your own lips. He mirrors the movement and suddenly his big hand rests on your cheek, his thumb caressing your cheek bone as he pulls you a tiny bit closer. You reach for his cheek in return, his patchy stubble tickling your hand and you part your lips as he takes the cue, dips his head and his lips are only a hair's breadth away from yours.

“Can I kiss you now?” he whispers hoarsely against your lips and you just nod in agreement.

His lips capture yours in a soft, tentative kiss and your stomach does somersaults. You’ve wondered in the past what kissing him would feel like, but nothing could’ve prepared you for this. He knows exactly what he’s doing, his lips moving with purpose without being overbearing. The softness of his lips is a stark contrast to the slight scratch of his stubble against your skin. You practically melt into the kiss and you’re certain that no one has ever kissed you like this, so soft but purposefully determined it makes your head spin.

You tangle your hands in the soft locks on the ape of his neck as you deepen the kiss. He’s parting his lips voluntarily so you can invade his mouth with your tongue as his hand wanders from your cheek into your hair, cradling the back of your head. He presses you against the counter with his body weight as his other hand wanders to your hip, his fingers digging into the tender flesh under his shirt. As your tongues dance feverishly his breathing gets uneven, panting into the kiss and you can’t help but smile softly that he gets so worked up over a kiss.

“You okay?” you whisper as you part to breathe, your foreheads touching.

“Yeah,” he breathes “It’s just.. Fuck, I’ve wanted this for so long so I wanna get this right.”

You take his head between your hands, your thumbs stroking his cheeks now.

“You’re doing everything right, Frankie,” you smile softly and his face lights up.

“Can I maybe take you out on a date first before I ravish you right here in your kitchen?”

You can’t help but laugh at that, an honest laugh not many people are able to elicit from you.

“I’d love that,” you say softly and nuzzle your nose against his while his thumb draws small circles over your hip where your shirt rode up.

Suddenly the tiredness comes back to you as you yawn heavily and he creates some distance to be able to look at you.

“Do I bore you, hermosa?” “No!” you quickly protest. “But I’m tired all of a sudden…”

“No shit, it’s late. Let’s get you into bed, yeah?”

He takes your hand and leads you to your bedroom where you fall headfirst into the pillow with a groan.

“Frankie?” you call for him, lifting your head up slightly, his name suddenly sounding so big in the quietness of the night.

“Yeah?” you hear faint footsteps as if he’s about to leave and the thought makes you sad.

“Would you mind staying?”

It’s deadly quiet for a moment before you hear the rustling of sheets and his weight next to you on the mattress. “Not at all,” he murmurs softly and you scoot closer to him, cuddling into his side as he puts his arm around your shoulders, his chin resting against your head. It feels so natural. It feels like coming home. You yawn and close your eyes again.

“Thank you,” you murmur softly as your hand rests on his chest.

“Anytime,” he says and then adds, “And just for the record, her name was Clara.”

“What?”

“The girl I was on a date with, her name was Clara not Cindy. Not that it’d matter anyway because the only person I go on dates with from now on will be you,” he chuckles softly and you grin widely, even if he can’t see it.

“Good to know,” you say sleepily and for the first time in weeks you drift off into a deep, restful sleep.