#and it doesnt matter if thats what u believe because thats what u fucking said with ur actions

[ourladyoftheflytrap]

I detest the belief that if you think democrats are better than Republicans, you must not care about immigrants or foreign policy. I strongly believe that America should have open borders and should welcome immigrants instead of creating 1000 arbitrary hoops they have to jump through in order to be considered "legal." I also oppose our involvement in weapons dealing and funding militias that wreak hell onto women overseas.

I'm just not a single issue voter. I care about multiple issues, like women's rights, women's health, and diversity quotas. I'm not blind to how callous and racist the democratic party is and has historically been. I'm also not blind to the fact that diversity and women's autonomy is directly connected to democratic policies and democratic leaders, nor am I blind to the fact that the primary campaign points of Republicans are promises to destroy existing civil protections for women and minorities. Promises that they have made good on before.

I will never see Elizabeth Warren as the primary conservative candidate, because her values fundamentally oppose conservative values. But i might see her as the primary democratic candidate, if the leftists who do share her values ever decide to actually participate in the government and support a candidate they agree with, instead of abstaining from making a choice entirely and then refusing to vote for the representative that other people picked for them. But it seems like most american leftists are more interested in taking advice from people who don't know shit about the US government than they are in listening to the people who have dedicated their lives to trying to make our government less evil, callous, and racist 🤷‍♀️

[loiswasadevil]

youre such a terrible fucking troll. youve got a lazy backstory, you "dont know" where your money comes from, you dont know what happened to your mom (tbh thats plausible, but unlikely), like youre seriously so bad at this HAHAHA. good run tho. i know you wont answer this bc you cant disprove, but u made me laugh so much. thank u frfr

I'm not a Troll Because JUST BECAUSE I'M FAMILY GUY FAN. I haven't spoken to my mom in over 8 years I don't know what happened to her I don't want any contact with my Family or my past life I don't fucking care what happened to her Because of the way they treated me. I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT ANY OF THIS BULLSHIT UNTIL I BECAME ACTIVE ONLINE, THESE THINGS HAVE NEVER EVER CONCERNED ME AND I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SELF SUFFICIENT, I DON'T NEED TO KNOW WHERE MY MONEY COMES FROM BECAUSE IT DOESNT CONCERN ME AND I HAVE NEVER SUPPORTED THIS CORRUPT SYSTEM, WHAT CAN YOU SAY ABOUT YOURSELF? YOU ARE A COG IN THE MACHINE, I AM THE AIR THAT SURROUNDS SAID MACHINE. I DON'T NEED TO TELL ANYONE ANYTHING ABOUT MY MOTHER, MY FATHER, OR MY BROTHER, I TALK ABOUT MY EXPERIENCES OFF GRID TO SPREAD AWARENESS ABOUT THE REALITY OF OFF GRID AND TO HIGHLIGHT THE IMPORTANCE OF FAMILY GUY IN MY LIFE, BECAUSE FOR OVER 10 YEARS IT WAS ALL I THOUGHT ABOUT. YES FOR MANY YEARS OF MY LIFE CALEB BOUGHT ME FOOD AND GIFTS. I DO KNOW WHERE MY MONEY COMES FROM BECAUSE I KNOW HOW TO USE MY CASHAPP CARD BECAUSE IM A FUCKING ADULT TOO, AND I HAVE ANOTHER CARD I USE WHEN IT DOESNT WORK. I KNOW HOW TO PRESERVE FOOD AND I HARDLY EAT AS MUCH AS THE AVERAGE PERSON. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT HAPPENED TO MY MOM I HOPE SHE IS DEAD AS I DO WITH MY FATHER, I HOPE THEY ARE WATCHING ME EXPERIENCE MY HEAVEN;THEIR HELL EVERY DAY AND THRIVE. I AM THE DEVIL THAT RULES IN THEIR HELL, MY IRONIC PUNISHMENT WAS FUTILE IN THE HANDS OF FATE, BECAUSE I ESCAPED OFF GRID AND YOU WANT TO DENY ME MY HAPPINESS EVEN THOUGH YOU KNOW LITTLE OF MY LIFE. I DON'T HAVE A "BACKSTORY" I HAVE PERSONAL STORIES I SHARE WITH MY CLOSEST FOLLOWERS ON TUMBLR, I HAVE NEVER EVER MINDED TALKING ABOUT MY EXPERIENCE BECAUSE I BELIEVE IT IS MY DUTY AS AN ABUSE SURVIVOR TO TELL MY STORY. LIKING FAMILY GUY DOESN'T MAKE ME OR ANYONE A TROLL. YOU DON'T CALL SOUTH PARK KIN TROLLS JUST FOR BEING WHO THEY ARE, EVEN THOUGH THOSE PEOPLE ARE DISGUSTING CHILD PORN LOVING FREAKS. YOU JUST WANT TO HATE ON FAMILY GUY KIN AND BE MY CATALYST AND FUCK YOU FOR THAT. WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO "DISPROVE" WHEN NOBODY BELIEVES A STORY THAT I DIDN'T ASK ANYONE TO BELIEVE IN THE FIRST PLACE, MY LIFE ISN'T A STORY FOR YOU TO FLIP THROUGH LIKE SOME MAGAZINE. FAMILY GUY FANS LIVES MATTER AND FUCK YOU FOR TRYING TO DIMINISH ME FOR BEING AN ADULT CARTOON FAN/KIN. SORRY NOT SORRY THAT LIFE HAS DELT CARDS IN MY FAVOR, AND I HAVE THE WINNING HAND. I DO NOT HAVE TO DISPROVE ANYTHING, MY LIFE IS MY LIFE AND I CHOOSE TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT BECAUSE I WANT TO SPREAD AWARENESS AND SHOW YOU ALL INSIGHT ABOUT HER DEVILS HEART AND THE PARALLEL HATRED BETWEEN UNIVERSI THAT CORRUPTED IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

[cheeseandbretboy]

since turns out informed consent is practiced in australia i dont really need a gd diagnosis and i hoped if i got one my mother would believe me but its been so long and ive distanced myself from her because i thought she wouldn't even speak to me, she said she will probably still stay in contact but wont accept me and will use the wrong name and pronouns forever and i dont think i can stay around her a lot if thats the case the point of therapy was that she would understand me but if its not gonna go anywhere whats the point?? ik what i want ive been thinking about this my entire life and sigh she expects me to be 100% fine after YEARS of being ignored, she knew i was having a hard time and that i was cutting myself and starving and wanting to kms but its only now when my sister brings it up she thinks its best to do it, and like, wow! it is actually too late. i got myself through all that alone and now that im stable she wants to 'explore other options'. i tried explaining conversion therapy does not work but she doesn't care. idk what to do chat! sister said to wait it out and she will probably get better but i doubt it. i dont know if i can mentally take it if she cant just respect me, i get not being supportive but just using the right prns cant be that difficult, at least TRYING?! she said i was selfish and overreacting when i said it would be difficult for me to stay in touch regularly if that was the case ughggh and i thought she was a woke liberal but even she wont use other prns or terms to refer to me (ok that i get, maybe she will when im older) but she blatantly said it's a phase for me, that being queer is a phase nowadays and i just couldnt really believe she said that. i told her why the fuck would i want to be trans for a trend if i will literally not be able to come to the country where all my family is and where im from because i'll either be killed or arrested, and she said 'exactly, you said it doesnt matter what others think so why would you medically transition' and ok she doesn't understand thats ok, i tried explaining i have dysphoria but she cut me off saying im too negative and she cant talk to me about this. 'i dont gaf about your identity, i dont want to talk about this. just shut up and keep it to urself' i am so confuse guys bc she asked that we become closer and i tell her my issues.. i do not think she actually cares for me as a sister she never did, she bullied me endlessly and blamed it on her depression (which hey fair, but thats an explanation not an excuse and i have yet to recieve an apology) mother did nothing about that just let it happen like the abuse from my dad and i was happy to give her another chance i really looked up to her but she doesnt give a fuck about me she only likes me when its easy when im not selfish and egotistical (by the way guys she called me a hypochondriac isnt that crazy??) and like sigh i kind of hoped she would support but she does not.. 'you see mother is from a different generation, but im gen z i understand you' yea and u say queerness is a trend what the fleck... i get its difficult for ur sibling to be trans its really fucking annoying and heartbreaking but oh my god! and somehow she got it in her head that i tried convincinb mother to medically transition.. I HAVENT SPOKEN TO HER ABT TRANS STUFF FOR 3 YEARS THE FLIP I HAVE NOT.. i was going to wait it out with her and see if she adjusts bc shes my sister yk! but after 'why cant you just not transition' that just shows she is not willing to hear me out and see it from my perspective.. tbh this is just cis ppl, its difficult to understand smth that u dont have, that u take for granted. sighghgghgh sm happened but im back to distancing i was just confused but everything is still bad why did i let myself get sort of hopeful she said awful things that ill never forget its her greatest fear

[icyberrydoesthat]

reasons why i think my parents pissed off a fairy before i was born (why i think im cursed)

cursed pieces of media always seem to find me

im not exaggerating when i say ive seen more than my fair share of fucked up stuff. it always seems to land on my cellular device or my piece of paper. ill be simply enjoying a show or consuming a book as one does and the most heinous thing will happen and ill be expected to just carry on. and now i do just that, i keep calm and carry on. more specifically theres one topic that seems to pop up a lot (tw!!) incest.....now now you may be thinking "what!? incest....id drop whatever it was and go reconnect with nature...weirdo" now now lets not jump to conclusions, 9/10 that movie/book/manga/whatever is actually really good (the other 1/10 lands you in therapy) and the incest or whatever never progresses the plot at all, but is a big enough plotwist to give me whiplash. and dont you worry, ive got an example. last year, i needed a book so i went to my schools library with a friend. about 10 mins of searching resulted in no book i felt inclined to read....until my friend gasps, a book in her hands..."Shadowhunters"?? i had never heard of it but apparently it was a big part of her childhood, something that soothed the gaping hole Twilight left...okay ill read i said. reading the first few chapters was great, i could practically smell an enemies to lovers and the big mystery of who and where mc's brother is was lingering in the back, my type of book i thought happily. little did i know....mc and ml were infact revealed to be siblings......i dropped my book. i had already thought it was weird that ml's adoptive brother had a crush on him but that gets crushed quick and now this...? now you may be thinking isnt it illegal or sum to promote incest..? and yes u are right, so you can imagine my deep sense of relief i felt when mc and ml were infact not related... because i didnt know how much more i could take of the ml yearning for his literal sister..(he was relentless...). but it doesnt stop there, for all you sickos out there, the author still managed to weasel some incest in. when the ml and mc are still believed to be siblings by them and everyone, another ml enters, this boy is perfect, maybe even a better fit for mc, girl is feeling it too. turns out this second guy is none other than.....her brother !! shocked you didnt it...(hes completely sick and knows the entire time....he wants his sister). but dont worry guys other than that, Shadowhunters is really good, character development? chefs kiss. i luv isabelle.

all my pens perish

im not exaggerating when i say i probably go through 6 pens a week, either they explode in my school blazer, completely new pens dry out in my pencil case, snap or most common cause, i lose them. i try pencil and the lead snaps in the middle so now matter how much i sharpen it, it will never be useful again. this is a cry for help, any stationary reccs??

i lose everything all the time

would you believe me if i said ive lost my keys a total of 5 times this year? well dont. because ive lost them 7 times and only 3 of the times have they been returned. im a regular at the keymaker.... how many of you can you say that??? i hope none, i wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy. i think this 'losing stuff' thing ties in rather nicely into my fish memory too, im pretty convinced ive got a rare amnesia that hasnt been discovered yet. its almost impossible, scratch that, it is impossible for me to remember everything for school the next day, ill always forget at least one thing. my friends will try referencing a supposedly funny/memorable thing that happened and ill just stare. theyll stare back and then do everything in their power to try to make me remember...nothing works.

my friends always have the same crushes as me

you may be thinking, well thats kind of normal for a group of girls that hang around eachother to have the same taste in people and i i thought so too, until it was such a regular thing i just stopped telling them about my crushes. i do have a story, start scene-its the end of a history lesson and im really happy, its been good lesson and i love history. im abit tired because its P5, the end of the day, for that reason, im lagging just a little, i leave my book usually at school because ive got two and my bag doesnt need any added weight . as im packing, a boy, a desk away from mine, walks over and takes my book to the cabinet, some thing he really did not need to do. and i don't know why but i guess im attracted to people being nice, even if it was just a decent human being doing just decent things... the next day, i realise i do want this boy, sadly. i had noticed him before, hes the kind of pretty that doesnt need to exist in a boy but if it does, he unfortunately becomes an object of envy. long lashes, blonde hair, droopy kinda eyes that make him look sleepy all the time. we had just never talked, seeing as we never had reason to. the next day, in a maths lesson, my friend says, "hey don't you think so and so is cute..." as shocked as i was, partly because this friend had been gushing about a different boy an hour ago and partly because it had happened again, i think i played the "really? maybe if i squint really hard he's meh" role really well....long story short, they're dating now....

now youve read my reasoning, there are more...but i just cant remember, i just know you see what i mean. my parents deffo pissed off some magical being and in return it cursed their firstborn daughter.

xoxo

A

ps: this is actually my second time re writing this because i accidentally deleted but the world just needed to know...ty for reading to the end <3

[rotisseries]

the next cut is . after hours of walking. "these tunnels go on forever and we've been down here for hours." <- theo. "no real news from the  last time you said it 20 minutes ago." "i wasnt doubting thr plan 20 minutes ago." "if you're so concerned just go. i mean no ones forcing you to stay here." "yeah and leave you and our 'army' in charge of my survival? dont think so." "whatever it takes just to save your own ass, and just nobody elses." which is objectively not true. saved liam. saved scott. "im Here arent i? .. maybe i wanna be in the pack." he sounds so hopeful and . well. after he says that mason slows down and theo doesnt realize at first and looks back at him bc he walked past and mason js like "yeah Right. you-you expect me to believe that? " and hes breathinf HARD. he feels strongly about this "a pack js about trust.  i mean the first thing youd do is figure out a way to kill all of us. and and it doesnt matter who forgets. i wont." his hand is shaking on his bat in anger and fear and also because his leg got shot and its killing him and mason says "i saw scotts mom. i saw what you did. and as much as im terrified of whats down here, i am way more terrified of turning my back on you." excuse me while i wipe a tear. theo looks so hurt when he says that and his hands start shaking and he hadn't really shown any physical signs of fear until then. and then he shifts and tackles mason to the ground and its NOT what you think. HE WAS SCARED BC THE ANUK ITE WAS NEAR AND HE KNEW IT. HE SENSED IT. AS SOON AS HE TACKLED MASON , AARON SHOWED UP BESIDE THEM AND SWUNG A PIPE OR SUM WHERE MASONS FACE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE. he probably noticed his fear along with masons because of what he was saying and how hard he was shaking and sweating and . his voice cracking and . yeah. say what u want about theo but never say he's not perceptive. idk why i said that thats like one of the first things u learn ab the guy. core character trait. 

i need to talk about mason saying "and and it doesnt matter who forgets. i wont." because i know hes talking about liam. mason knows theo and liam are close now. in a way. liam is his best friend he knows why he was okay with mason leaving and being alone with theo. yeah sure he can handle himself but he knows liam sees theo's different now. masons not saying hes not. hes saying he's not going to let it go. that its something he cant erase no matter who he gets to trust him. BECAUSE HE KNOWS LIAM IS STARTING TO TRUST HIM AGAIN. (MAYBE EVEN REALIZES THAT THEO IS IS LIAMS ANCHOR) AND THIS IS WHY MASON HAVING THIS DEEP ROOTED FEAR AND HATRED FOR THEO IS SO BAD. theo knows thats his best friend!!!!!!!!! that no matter how theo acts now for years and years no matter how much he helps and sticks by liam, mason will never approve. because its him!!!!! and that fucking sucks. the CLOSEST PERSON TO LIAM besides scott!!!! literally like your boyfriends best friend telling you you'll never be good enough for them. that you will never be good. basically what happened. i can get worse tho. just a little bit.

shovel talk!!

[lindenforest]

For Allen! Life 3, Party 7, Codex 11, Inquisitor 16 and 18

oh thats a few (appreciated though), so i will have to do some back and forth dance to read em all on mobile so if you see me post this incomplete, no you dont xx

How many languages do they speak? Do they have any sort of accent?

he speaks the dialect of missed common/elvhen that the dalish do, and he hasnt really had experience talking to humans before - while some clanmates do go trading with humans or run into them while out and about, he, as first, mainly studied and minded his business. sometimes he has a bit of a "did i miss something" problem like merrill, because of being unfamiliar with some words and idioms of the non isolated widely accepted common.

i have rambled five thousand million times about how the isolated lifestyle of the dalish clans and trying to integrate as much elvhen as they can produced its own dialect - or rather dialects, as it varies from clan to clan. so the form he speaks is also different from what hes picked up from rin (as they got separated at like, 10-early tweens?), to which she reacts with both academic curiosity (as she tries to collect and compile and redistribute as much elvhen used from clan to clan as possible) and mock dramatic outrage (see the iconic carrots at subway convo)

he does start picking up on common and bits and pieces of other non-common language from all the companions of various origins.

How did their relationship progress? If they’re a canon romance option, is their story different from the way the game presents it?

the interrogation of allen lavellan circa 9:41

ok im being dramatic. but it starts as "cassandra is intimidating", then "...but also very beautiful 😍", then they have their points of contention re: him denying being the herald, him recruiting the mages, but in the end when cassandra cools down she respects that he Got Things Done... and in the dark future he saw what itd be like to lose her (and her, never broken, ever resolute, ready to fight for the tiniest glimmer of hope he brought) and in the haven destruction she saw what its like to lose him and. well. that hurted

then when hes aware that he Really Does Have Feelings for her cassandra starts Running from her own feelings (as she does). but even though theyre different and have different outlooks on how to do things she sees him care about her as a person! help her with the fallout of the seekers and come to look for them for her and support her in rebuilding the seekers because it Matters to her and believing she can make things better...

(tbh cassandra is so self depreciating oftentimes? she is Not used to being cared about and to deserving good things and such? no cass u deserve the world???)

and yeah it does get her to face her feelings. and as i said, get the good things she does not think shes allowed to have

and then theyre finally happy together.

(oh and also actually realizing, i think he could understand her loss of a sibling at the start as by then hes presumed rin dead for like a decade. rin gets better though xx)

longer term, their interfaith-ness is a key factor, and one thing the game definitely doesnt present is the resolution of it. he gets to understand how she needs her faith and how she wants to turn things to the better with it. he wants for her to believe in him as him, not as the herald of andraste, theyd come to some gradual understanding about it over time. it may be a point of conflict at some point - cassandra has got some occasional awful dialogue like calling the temple of mythal "for all this nonsense", and thats going to hurt. by then, rin is there, theyve reconnected, and she and leliana together are working. so one of them would probably talk to cass about it. if its leliana she would have some first person insight in Listening and being Respectful and reviewing her outlook. if its rin she would probably have a harsher reality check (especially with how Fucking Done she is after the temple of mythal): dont you see how youve hurt him? youre very important to him and if he is as important to you Then Do Better. in the end i see her indeed Doing Better and learning more about his culture and balancing it out in a more respectful way.

ok wow this turned into an essay. into a whole bucket of nothing but the purest brainrot

Do they have any interest in folk tales or folk songs?

well, he was a first, so Thats What He Did! kept the lore of the people. hes got plenty of dalish legends and tales to tell if you listen. his time in the inquisition is the first time of hearing many stories of the other cultures.

(i think he would find the song about andrastes mabari rather cute. its very... person behind the legend, u know? see below.)

How did they end Jaws of Hakkon? Did they reveal the truth about Ameridan?

ah. i see. youre Enabling me to froth at the mouth about them. i seee.

well first of all you Have Seen Allen. i mean look at him. same vallaslin. same pulled back hair minus the greying and receding hairline. that was like looking in the mirror of an older him. (completely accidental btw which i adore)

then. the reveal that ameridan was a dalish elf and he was erased and turned into a human andrastian heroic figure. that he very much Never Wanted This, and was just a hunter with his own life replaced by this duty. allen was preparing for a leadership position but absolutely not at That Scale. not at the sealing holes in the sky and dealing with orlesian politics, which indeed is much worse than fighting dragons, scale.

and he was erased. and by the way allen had the herald of andraste title tacked on to him, and by the way people were then disbelieving to see the famed herald is a dalish elf, and by the way people say "how can i thank you" but dont even think to apologize for the earlier "knife-ear", he knows it will happen to him too.

rin has been through that already, and in theory, she wants there to be something supportive she can tell him... but she cant. because it is exactly like that. the rin behind the heroine of ferelden dissolves. people still treat her Like That™. when her elven-ness is a problem people look the other way.

(she didnt force alistair to be king and let anora rule, and i know its a bioware retcon that if you ask for the land for the dalish it has no real impact, but i think that she wonders if itd be different if she chose alistair. if he actually had some compassion for her and what he knows through her of her people, and would have put some more effort into getting it done. one more thing left behind and forgotten.)

but they have each other and they can try to help the people, and she can be there for allen, and together they can try to change something. because its no one else but them. (especially post temple of mythal where the ancient elves have turned from the dalish too - the dalish are literally so very on their own.)

so yes. allen tells ameridan of what happened while he was out and of course he tells the truth of ameridan too. (kenric was so stunned by the conclusion ameridan was a mage n i was like. oh you havent heard. oh just wait till you hear.)

and he really does not want to disappear like that.

okay this was another bucket of the purest unsweetened brainrot <3

thank u so much these were nice to do and sorry for the Essay hfjsjs!!

[spicycowboyhole]

2/2 12:17AM (transcribed)

In three days I will be a different person.

Im God

Im Kanye Something about comparing a person to the impression is left by that person like when Kanye said something that I cant remember but reminded me of people mentioned in the Bible and their doings are remembered and idolized. But it doesnt really matter if you know their names because the message is most important. I think great artists share this sentiment of creating something so revolutionary that even after theyre gone and forgotten, their work will have left an impact on humanity. It seems selfish, like they think they deserve to be as iconic as Jesus, so well known that they're taken for granted. But actually they mean they hope to still leave an impression/impact on people through their music even if they can't put a face to it. [classic composers through music for babies, nirvana tshirts] This is something Labi Siffre says, that "there's too much personality in music" "I don't believe in giving the audience what they want anyway, I believe in giving the audience my best and making them like it." Jeff Buckley says it too, "I'd rather the people not think about me as a face, or a name, or a body and just come and listen, really" Here's a really long quote watch out!! "Everybody knows what its like to create an artistic moment. so-called "artistic moment" because it's really just heightened humanism, it's just a heightened human language. if youve spent a night making love you know exactly what it means to strip your ego down where you are there expressing yourself, wordlessly, collaborating on a moment. that has an energy about it that is replenishing, completely inspirational in a way you could never imagine. thats the way art REALLY is." Kanye says the same thing but no one gets it because they think he's egotistical and stuff and crazy. Its like how all the religions all point to the same directions. What's an ego anyway? Should I care if he thinks about or remembers me as a person or is the impression I leave more important? "There are cathedrals everywhere for those who have the eyes to see" We idolize those we agree with and tear down the statues of those we dont. Destroy Trump statue or donate Markiplier MLP fanart Tshirt, Jeff doesnt want me to remember him but i just put a big ass poster of him on my wall because of the pure emotion he was able to transmit through music that I felt so hard it was like a spiritual awakening and instant connection with him personally. He's my Jesus. BEAR WITH ME NOW. If Jeff Buckley is Jesus, than Labi SIffre and Kanye are also Jesus too. Id Jesus is "God in human form" then that means Jeff, Labi, and Kanye are also God. (Just like Lil B) But if I'm also God then are we all God? What is an "artistic moment"? What is music? Why do crazy people always resort to religion? I have NOT read the bible. By that logic, I guess I'm more polytheistic leaning. I'd say Im religious in a sense that I believe in people but I think thats my human programming that wants me to like people so we can survive and continue reproducing. My 12 year old self will tell you thats what "love" is. Thats so sad omg but if thats the case then is "God" whatever is causing that reaction?Is God just the will to live? Is the meaning of life just life itself? "all music is a religion, it's the best one" - jeff Hey guys if anyone knows what the fuck im talking about can u help me if Bible were to replaces references to God, Jesus, or ANY person as the same entity, would it make sense? Is that something we cant see like a 5th dimension or a "biblically accurate angel"? Religion is just human reproduction propaganda. Im basically just writing my own bible. Is this really what having a crush on someone feels like? 2:13AM

[justalilpearlie]

hi guys dont mind me being insane again

im not tagging this too much cus its more of a personal ramble cus idk im feelin silly today and the BPD hits too hard. i wont be explainin what BPD is either so if u dont know either look it up or ignore this post,,

man i. have you ever loved someone so much you cry? /pos

like man i. its not romantic, may i clarify. most of my fps, except for my main one, are platonic. one of them is familial even

but i just. i feel like such a parasocial freako but i genuinly feel so intensely. its so positive too. if you ignore the crippling paranoia i always have abt my fps hating me or me being so intense they get uncomfortable...

but i just??? im not. normal about them.

i dont wanna sound creepy but they make my world so much better. id take a bullet from them. if give anything for them to be alright. i genuinly just REALLY enjoy their company and knowing theyre having fun with me aswell. knowing they enjoy me as a person. that im not a nuisance for the people i love the most.

and gosh i really hope they dont see this. i would feel so ashamed and embarassed if they did.

luckly i have better ways of copying with distress, attachment issues, jealousy, possesiveness, and all that other FUN (not) stuff that comes with BPD or rather specifically having an fp. A nice trustworthy psychologist (if u can afford it) does wonders to you, let me tell you.

its still hard sometimes but ive learnt to deal with it in ways that arent destructive to my relationships with those around me. i can cool down and such instead of lashing out or splitting for the most minimal things.

but now. for whatever reason. i went on a huge "positive" ramble instead. it was meant to be appreciation at the time, and still is, but i feel like its something that couldve scared them off. i showed some stuff to irl friends and online family, and everyone said theyd feel very appreciated if someone told them that stuff, but i cant help but feel is because they're my loved ones also and stuff. i really. really feel like i was too intense. i suck at showing affection in a normal way, a calm way, subtle way, like a normal person.

at this point i think. sigh i think its better if i just say nice things anonymously. i think if people, in general, not only my fps. but if people dont know affection comes from me they'll take it so much better than if they know its *me* in particular. and idk why! its just my brain being stupid again.

brains love doing that, dont they? being stupid. telling you everyone hates you oh so much no matter what you do. that theyre lying behind your back, and hate you in secret, theyre just being polite and allat.

well let me tell you, dear reader, whoever the fuck might read this, specially if its from the bpd tags: thats not true. sure, there might be assholes out there, but those people you think hate you despite how close you are, most likely dont. and i cant even get this through my own head but my sister repeats it to me all the time. "[name] talks so nicely about you and seems so happy seeing you". even then its hard to believe, i gotta stare at nice screenshots ive saved where i believe ive done something good, something worthy of appreciation, something that has not only meaning but an impact, a possitive one. and i know the chances of them actually hating me are low, but i still believe more in those chances than the proof.

i feel a bit delusional in a way. and i mean, i am, often times. but this is one of those thoughts- those god dammed thoughts where you're self aware yet- yet it doesnt shake the feeling away, you know? like no there is no proof, no logical proof at least, only what your mind twists into proof. but you still just "know it", yknow? even if you dont actually know shit and are very wrong. you feel like you do and it- it fucking sucks.

dont even get me started on splits and mood swings, highs and lows. Cause well. THATS NOT THE TOPIC OF THIS POST !! Lmao. i could go on for hours complaining tho. ough.

but yeah!! i just !! sorry, this took a turn. i just. needed to express myself idfk. i'll go back to posting abt minecraft men kissing soon or whatever, sorry normie followers /hj

i love them so much its overwhelming, yet i wouldnt change it for everything in the world, you know? not them. its hard but id rather endure it for them than have them not be THIS level of special to me anymore.

i really REALLY hope theyre not. uncomfortable by it tho. and wont dump me for it. i really wish i had a guide to how to and how to not mess up. so i could avoid doing dumb shit on accident.

and its funny cause theyre ppl that would absolutely tell me if im doing shit that bothers them, yet i believe theres smth else, stupid thoughts man. LEAVE ME ALONE FREDDY MERCURY!! UR SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD !! /ref

sighhhh anyhow yeah im dropping it here. bpd is a bitch. and to anyone out there dealing w it? godspeed. you can do this, i know life already sucks and this shitty dissorder doesnt help, but i know you can push through, mi gente bella.

Pearlo out. BPD hours rlly seem to be hitting at around 11-12 am, huh? /ij

[pixeljade]

re: a reblog u made saying "If you are not fighting against republicans with every fiber of your being at this point you are not a trans ally. If you tolerate the republicans in your family without challenging their ideas about trans people you are not a trans ally. Fight for us goddamnit or we will be culled and our blood will be on your fucking hands."

I wanted to point out that I feel like this was a very harmful thing to say. As a black girl, fighting against republicans is very scary for me. Republicans (a lot of them are white men) are very racist and sexist, so me and a lot of others "fighting" them could put me in danger. Of course, this is true for a lot more than just black girls/women. Also, I feel like asking someone to challenge republican family members could get then kicked out as well, even if they're not trans. Just being openly allied to them could put you against your family members and threaten your safety.

I think that telling people who are scared or tired of fighting that they're transphobic and blaming them for the rampant transphobia won't make them act out, it'll just make them feel worse about themselves. We're not all activists, some of us are just people... people who are terrified. Anyways, thanks for reading!

Hey so

First of all you're misreading my whole damn thing here. Everyone seems to be actually so let me clarify

What I said does not translate to "You specifically, no matter your situation, HAVE TO challenge the people in your life". It translates to "You do not get to claim the Trans Ally title if you do not put in the damn effort to defend trans people".

Like. You're black right? To make a comparison (obv not a perfect one because different forms of oppression work differently, but bear with me here) this ask is like if I, a white person, went up to you saying "Hey so I never go out of my way to defend black people in my life or challenge racism, but I'm still considered anti-racist, because I said so!" Wouldnt that piss you off a little bit? For the record, I have fought for my black friends, and have been to Black Lives Matter protests and lifted up their voices and so on, but even then I dont believe I have the right to claim the title myself. Because, as a white person, I dont get to decide what "anti-racist" looks like. Y'all do, because you're the ones who are suffering from racism.

Same basic idea applies here. If you are cis, as I think is implied by this ask, you do not have the right to decide what qualifies you as a trans ally. Our lives are on the fucking line in this specific issue, and therefore it is our voices that count towards what allyship looks like.

Additionally, you seem to think this is a binary thing, where if you aren't a trans ally then you are transphobic, which is another thing that I did not say. No, you can be neither a trans ally or transphobic. You could be a neutral party. Now if that idea bothers you, because trans peoples lives are on the line and you decided not to help them out of fear of the risk that comes with it, thats your own thing to deal with. I do think its cowardly, to accept that trans lives are being threatened and to stay silent in fear, but honestly. We're all cowardly sometimes. Thats the nature of being human in such an era of fear. But ask yourself, are you okay with that cowardice? Are you okay watching people die knowing you could have risked yourself to save them? This is what I am trying to challenge people to question here. Because the fact is, that is exactly what will happen if people remain silent en masse. You can say "oh my condition is different, I have a REASON not to stand up and fight", but really, doesnt every single person alive have a reason not to? The risk alone is a reason! If we all just said "never risk yourself" then that would mean the fascist bullies that comprise the bulk of the Republican Party win, and therefore, that means that the rule of law is whatever they decide it is. Do you want to watch that happen and do nothing?

So there you have it. You're allowed to do nothing, you really are. And hell, I'm not even gonna go and make a moral judgment of you for it: I do think that morality is subjective and therefore if you decide its morally okay with you to stay silent then good for you. However I will not give you a cookie for doing bare minimum shit. I will not tolerate casual acceptance of those who are literally legislating away my existence. You do not get to call yourself a "trans ally" for doing nothing risky, you get to call yourself a "coward" instead. But hey, you're the one who has to live with that label. Me? I get to die with mine.

[pesterloglog]

Roxy Lalonde, Jane Crocker

Act 6, page 4571

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TG: ALART ALART ARLART AL*ERT AL*ART!!!!!

TG: hugely important cornespondence

TG: paging doctor crocker

TG: rolal to docrock

GG: :?

TG: heh heh

TG: paging

TG: bet you would like to get PAGED huh jane

TG: *sweet innuendo

GG: I'm not sure that qualifies as innuendo at all.

TG: wonkwonkwonkwonkwonk

GG: I honestly think you misspell things intentionally more often than not, regardless of blood alcohol content.

GG: You just typed wonk five times in a row!

TG: i have only junst begun to wonk

GG: What is this urgent thing about, anyway?

GG: Is it about your boobytrap?

GG: Because you're too late. It already blew up my whole bedroom, thank you very much.

TG: no no

TG: i mean i still feel shitty about that but its not abiout that

TG: i know you already ran it i been talking to the shades

GG: Yes, me too. Right now in fact, and I'm in a bit of a hurry!

GG: What is this about? What are you even doing?

TG: im in the lab doing a thing with my cat

TG: but that doesnt matter i was doing some thingkin and was still feeling guilty about fuckin up ur computer and all of the sudden im in bff~ath mode here

TG: so i gotta tell you something u need to know before its too late

GG: Before what's too late?

TG: you and jake hookin up stupid!

GG: Oh my god.

TG: this is about turnin all your steamydreamz in to STEAMAY REALTITIES

TG: ***realities lolo

GG: This isn't happening now...

TG: whereins jc + je kiss & hug loads and start turnin out big heaps of wrigglers the old fashioned way<3<3,3,3<338O!!!!

TG: i cant decide whether this mental image porcolating here is hot as shit or cute as fuck......

GG: No! Cease your lascivious porcolating at once!

GG: Roxy, I can see you're set on just wasting more of my time.

GG: I understand if you don't wish to play this game, but please try not to interfere with those of us who do!

TG: no no im fine with playing just shut up

TG: this is serious you need to tell him how u feel VERY SOON

TG: or you might miss your chance

GG: My chance?

GG: What are you talking about?

TG: i found out today taht dirks gonna make a move

GG: A move? You mean, a romantic one?

TG: yes

GG: On you?

TG: omfffgggggg

TG: JANE GET A CLUE

GG: Um.

GG: On me?

TG: no

TG: no my dear sweet janey not on you

TG: ON JAKE!!!

GG: Oh.

GG: Ohhh.

GG: I didn't think...

GG: That...

GG: Hrm.

GG: Are you sure?

TG: p sure ask glasses if u want

GG: Well then.

GG: This is quite a development.

GG: Poor Dirk!

TG: what do you mean

GG: Well, surely when he reveals his feelings, Jake will...

TG: ??

GG: I mean...

GG: He couldn't possibly...

TG: wut

TG: repriprocate?

GG: Yes?

TG: why not

GG: Because Jake is not a homosexual!

TG: mm hm

TG: are u suuuuuure???

GG: Are you saying he is?

TG: nope

GG: Then what are you saying?

TG: im saying that

TG: i dont fuckin know

GG: But...

GG: I thought it reasonable to presume he takes a shining to ladies.

GG: He does speak fondly of certain females from his favorite films, does he not?

TG: true that

TG: but

TG: how much does that really mean here jane

TG: can you be totes sure on account a some dorky moive crushes

GG: Well, now I just don't know. You have me completely bamboozled about this.

GG: What do you think?

TG: all im saying is

TG: my gaydar is like the exanct fuckin poposite of urs

TG: which is to say it is better than completety nonexistant

TG: mine is so sensitive it has been used to sweep the ocean floor for mythical sea monsters

TG: turns out

TG: all of those monsters are SO gay

TG: truth B)

GG: Okay. Then what does your acute seabeast scanner make of Jake, then?

TG: thats what im sayin

TG: i really have no idea

TG: kid is a goggamn egnigma

TG: hes as hard 2 read as fine print

TG: and how i do mean FIIINE ;)

GG: Oh brother.

GG: Then, your guess is as good as mine?

GG: I'm not sure what I'm supposed to conclude from this.

TG: youre supposed to concluce

TG: that you SAID you were going to believe anything i said today remember??

GG: Yes.

GG: But you just said you don't know!!!

TG: exactly

TG: therefore you must believe me when i say

TG: if dirk lets on all his feelins there is at least a CHANCE jake will go like DERP OK DUDE LETS MAKE OUT

TG: and that means poor jane is screwed without ever even throwing her filthy old fedora in the ring

TG: it is a ring i lke ot call TEH ENGLISH SPEEPSTAKES

TG: and if u dont youll regret it

TG: and i mean

TG: OFFICIALLY?

TG: i cant have a horse in the race

TG: wait bad metaphor ebcause of dirk and his fucking horstes n/m

TG: like you are both my friends and im not out to mess him up or anything

TG: but i kinda owe it to you as my friend to let you know whats up

TG: and also to get you to stop being such a WORLD CHAMPIAN TIGHTASS

TG: and let jake know

GG: Oh, not this tightass baloney again.

TG: jane

GG: What?

TG: jaane..

GG: ...

TG: jc your are the tightassiest tightass who ever tightened up an ass

GG: No way!

GG: We settled this, remember?

GG: My prior resolution made it definitive; I was to be regarded as exceedingly permissive in certain respects!

TG: jane i am afraid

TG: that ur bottom

TG: is a stubborn clam

TG: guarding priceless treasure

TG: and a deadly secret

GG: So ridiculous. >:P

TG: im not saying be an idiot and start gushing at him incoherentry

TG: but do SOMETHING

TG: say how u feel

TG: or flirst a bit or ask him out on a date inside the fuckin game or such

TG: goddamn ANYTHING other that a bunch of bullshitty pining and tightassy NOTHING

TG: you have to do what i say u promised

GG: I promised to BELIEVE what you say, not DO it!

TG: those 2 things are

TG: prespicely the same shit

GG: If I agree to say something, will you stop tormenting me about it??

TG: yes

TG: but only

TG: because that will be impossible for me to do

TG: when u + him r snoggin hard in motherfuckin makeout paradise

TG: A K A SEX LAND

GG: Fine.

GG: But let the record show that this resolution has almost nothing whatsoever to do with your use of the phrase "SEX LAND."

GG: Just...

GG: I need to think of what to say, and wait for the right moment. Is that ok???

TG: sure

TG: just dont wait too long

TG: and dont underestimate striders wiles

TG: nor jakes...

TG: lets say

TG: open mindedness???????

GG: Well,

GG: He does often profess his love for adventure, I suppose.

TG: yuuup................

GG: Omg.

GG: I really don't have a moment to spare, do I?

TG: ur finally gettin it

TG: now go

TG: and jane im warning u

TG: if you dont say somethin to him

TG: i am personally entering the game specivically to FUCK UR SHIT UP

TG: *LOLLIES OUTIE*

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

[themindelectricdemo4]

IIM putting my claws itno that skin. like nails on a chalkboard babyyy!!! Cuz If u leave im just gone!!!! & maybe thats what ppl would want!! But i cant think about them right now. idont have the headpsace to. except you. you you you only only ylou. ok. because i know no one cares or thinks about it but if youre REALLY the only thing im need to stay alive for its something. who cares. im trying my fucking HARDEST OK & sure i have hands around my ankles like stupid shackles that stiill wont break off but im just tryingto keep my head up. they ever present. but just ignore it!!!!! ignore it. but i still think i see a bit of shade whne i see you. & yeah it sucks. like i said thoug hreally....the best i can do .....ignore ignore ignore. cuz its really only you thats thee for me at the end of the day & thats ok. even if im fed lies cuz u literally only tell me the truth cuz if i didnt have that!!! i wouldnt know what to believe!!! & thak fucking god for that!!! like u know when we are linked. by soul or heart or whaeveter. (lol like pokemon). then i have to be with you. & i wrote this but it was "scary", its multidimensional, ii was already predisposed to this so its really no ones fault but uh......like whoever thought conceiving ME was a good idea lol.....but anyways i dont wanna put that guilt on anyone, cuz really what matters at the end of the day is YOU SAVED ME. & i saved you. which is crazy to think or believe. but its like..."magical", eeven if thats such a dumb way to put it & kind of like minimizes the whole thing, yeah just sounds like some cartoon kids show. FATE or whatever. other kiddy show tropes. but seriously like.....we came across each other FOR A REASON. IN EVERY. SINGLE. WORLD. The chances of that are like, FUCKING...astronomical low, so astronomical low its fucking unreal. i could sit & ponder the math forever, genuinely forever, until the day i die, but thats wasting time when i could spend it with you. its literally what i think i was made for at this point. maybe you too ....no...lol...i wont go about assuming that, cuz i cant ever know about you specifically in that sense...just whatever you tell me about you, you know , like what you tell me. & im litterally looking at you as i type this('you because i cant look at your face...cuz im shy .....nice fuckin shoes u got there nerd....) dissociates into your god dam nknee cuz !!! m respectful. hey!!! (doesnt know what you just said) but anyways if you just take me tonight & forget al lthis dumb stuff then thats cool. just be wary i might have to slice my stomach open. dont worry about it

[sssrha]

transcription of slides under the cut:

[SLIDE 1] the vibes ao3’s top 9 mdzs ships give me (a really stupid thing i made on a lazy saturday)

[SLIDE 2] wangxian: the wholesome canon relationship (with a hint of spice)

ok maybe calling the union between a demonic cultivator and a secret sex fiend “wholesome” isnt exactly accurate…but that’s where the “hint of spice” comes in

other than that tho? i remember seeing a meme somewhere about wangxian and sangcheng and wangxian was described as “domestic gays with a house and a white picket fence and two kids” and honestly? yes 

not that they cant be freaky. id say their particular brand of freakiness is vaguely surrealist suburban horror. make of that what you will

[SLIDE 3] xicheng: either its “pair the spares” or just about trauma

their dynamic is 500% “karen/enabling husband” but like in a good way

objectively the best-dressed couple you will ever meet. like seriously why are you even trying? theyve got you beat

jc would own a flower shop and punch you in the face for saying a single bad thing about his flowers. lxc would own a tattoo parlor and hand you a lollipop and tell you how proud he is of you for not crying while he gave you a tattoo

they dont strike me as a “every evening we relax and watch the sunset” type of relationship B U T every other week they go stargazing with a detailed map of the night sky

[SLIDE 4] xiyao: either a) the angst of betraying/being betrayed or b) the angst of killing/being killed

high society gays. they would both unironically wear tuxedos to a mcdonalds. lxc would see it as a fun couples thing and jgy would do it to assert his dominance

i swear they would be among the smiliest of the major couples. only one of them would give you a happy smile

dont mess with them. no like dont mess with any of the couples but so far jgy is the first one who would make your life living hell and keep you around long enough to suffer the consequences

[SLIDE 5] sangcheng: being simultaneously over- and underestimated

i saw a meme about sangcheng and wangxian where sangcheng was described as something along the lines of “wine aunt and vodka uncle” and honestly? yes

they’re both human disasters. nhs would have various splotches of color on his clothes and you cant tell if it was intentional or if theyre actually stains. jc is very neat and organized but will have a mental breakdown at the slightest inconvenience

sometimes they just sit down across from each other and. cry. its how they bond

idk why it popped into my head but they’re both ace Because I Said So

[SLIDE 6] xuexiao: cute domesticity but also murder

i refuse to believe that xy is anything but unhinged in every universe. whether or not thats a good thing is up to you

xy could and would murder you in your sleep and not feel bad about it until xxc told him off. even then he might still decide it was worth it

xxc doesnt exactly know about The Murder Stuff(TM) but he knows some shit is off but he trusts xy enough to not comment on it

they would meet and hook up in a bar and mutually decide that they may as well stay together for the rest of their lives the next morning

[SLIDE 7] xuanli: the token straights (but also? theyre really cute???)

i did not expect them to be as cute as they were but here i am

anyway jyl has jzxuan wrapped around her little finger and shes just too nice to use that to her advantage

if jyl asked jzxuan for some chocolate jzxuan would just buy her the entire hershey company and forget to give her an actual chocolate bar and jyl is too sweet to actually say anything about it

they would definitely have like 20 children. theyd fucking love being parents. the moment having another child became dangerous theyd start adopting left and right. theyre rich they can afford it and their hearts are big enough for all their kids so why would they not?

[SLIDE 8] songxiao: childhood friends to lovers AND perfect power couple

i know they have more nuance than this but i cant help but think of them as The Perfect Couple(TM)

not shipping-wise!! i mean like. theyre both law-abiding citizens. their house looks like a model house. theyre dressed super neat and handsomely. they both know cpr and first aid and one of them is a lawyer and the other is an award winning writer. idk who is who but yk.

they are who people call to deal with problems instead of the police and they delight in that fact. that is what i mean by them being The Perfect Couple(TM)

[SLIDE 9] chengxian: disasters through and through

uhh i am going to be spending the entirety of this slide ignoring the fact that i personally consider them siblings

they would live in a dingy studio apartment in the heart of a city and theyd both never be home

theyre both super fucking rich but theyd never have any money on hand so dont be surprised if they just starve out on the street one day because theyre just that stupid

they collectively have the self esteem of rotting cabbage but theyre keeping themselves and each other alive purely out of spite and sheer force of will

[SLIDES 10] nielan: childhood friends to lovers AND himbo power couple

psst heres a secret: neither of them are actually himbos

H O W E V E R they both 500% pretend they are. they intentionally act as stupid as possible just for the fun of it

the best part is when they stop acting stupid when something important happens. crouching-moron-hidden-badass at its finest

also the older brother energy is overflowing. it does not matter who you are or how old you are. if you meet them then youre going to walk away with two new big brothers

[SLIDES 11] the end (unless i gather the willpower to make a part 2)

[actualbird]

my friend brought up the idea of vyn x artem (and is too much of a coward to send an ask himself), thoughts?

think of the,, comedic value,, You Cannot Hide Your Feelings From The Psychiatrist

oHOHOHOOOO!!! oh anon (and anon's friend hehe), thank you so much this ask!!!! see, ive thought a lot about vynluke and vynmarius but not much about vynartem yet tho so this ask excited me a LOT

okay i wanna go into characterization stuffs bout this pairing first. vyn and artem together are very interesting to me because since theyre in the late twenties gang, theyre both similar in the sense that theyre not as obvious about the emotions (in comparison to the early twenties gang), they both repress themselves or their emotions or desires one way or another. if these two caught feelings for each other, yes, it would be hilarious for the reason u said, artem would immediately try to hide his feelings. but like VYN WOULD TOO, LOLLLL. like yes, i know that vyn in canon is forward about his affections in a subtle elegant kind of way, but at the same time, vyn does sooooo much emotional hiding of his own. if artem hides his feelings, vyn hides himself.

i think that for peak hilarity vibes, vyn would catch feelings first. and the moment this happens hes like "well. this isnt good." and then since hes so hugely perceptive he knows that artem doesnt reciprocate (wrong, artem just hasnt realized his feelings yet, in this situation, so theres no feelings to notice from him yet because ARTEM DOESNT KNOW, ARTEM IS SO BAD AT FEELINGS, HE'S DEFINITELY GOT LAG TIME in terms of figuring things out, fight me) and then vyn is like "understood. i will be repressing these feelings forever now." and then when artem DOES realize his feelings and vyn notices this vyn is like "BUT I ALREADY WENT THROUGH ALL THE EFFORT OF HIDING MY HEART AND MYSELF IN A CONVOLUTED MAZE OF DEFLECTION CONTROL...." and we know artem has HUGE TROUBLE doing anything emotionally forward so like....

the funniest vynartem situation, for me, would be like

THAT ASIDE THO, I THINK VYNARTEM WOULD BE RLLY SOFT THOUGH LIKE......

vyn richter who is so resigned to the world the people in it being cruel growing past the need to throw shots at artem (never gonna forget "after all, i have two doctorate degrees, whereas artem only has one" iconic) and realizing that artem is...much too kind for his own good. realizing that artem isnt worried about the world being bad, hes worried about himself failing that world. as vyn falls in love with artem, he'd wonder that artem is too good for this world. maybe, artem is too good for vyn as well, vyn would think. some nights, vyn thinks about being forward with his feelings, but he stops himself so many times because he wonders just what a good person like artem wing would do if he saw who vyn really is, all those things from his past he hides, all those insecurities he keeps under lock and key.

artem wing who is so scared of not being perfect growing past the need to be defensive against vyn who seems to be the picture of perfection, completely in control of everything about himself in a way artem envies, and realizing that...vyn is doing this because hes hiding, because hes scared. artem believes vyn is good as well, but so much of that good is smothered with smokescreens by vyn himself, as if if he lets his goodness shine clear, something will come out and strike him at his weakpoints. as artem falls in love with vyn, he'd wonder that somebody like vyn shouldnt have to be scared. artem wants to reach out, shed the his own shields and be sincere, and artem doesnt care that he knows he'll be clumsy about his sincerity, because....because some nights, artem's heart yearns to be the one to make vyn never have to be scared ever again.

vynartem, to me, is a love story between two men who are so absolutely used to hiding parts of themselves they think are undesirable but then like...deciding to be brave, eventually. deciding to be sincere no matter how hard it is, because they both believe in the other so much.

BUT ALSO WATCHING THIS LOVE STORY WOULD BE FUCKING EXCRUCIATING. early twenties nxx gang tryna set them up be like

mc and marius holding a cup to the door of the room vyn and artem are in alone

mc: marius, youve been hogging the cup for forever! what are they saying!!!

marius: thats the thing, they arent saying anything!!! are they just....sitting in silence together??

luke: they are, oh my god, they are

mc and marius, looking to luke who has his smartglasses on, projecting surveillance footage of the room

mc: LUKE!! I SAID NOT TO USE SURVEILLANCE TECH FOR THIS, THIS MAKES OUR MATCHMAKING FEEL....ILLEGAL

luke: BUT IT'S SO MUCH BETTER THAN USING A CUP TO THE DOOR

marius: fuck morals, gimme the glasses, i wanna SEE

luke: WHAT, MARIUS, GET OFF OF ME, ACK

vyn and artem inside the room, playing online chess, hearing muffled noises of struggle outside the door.

artem in the chess chat: do you think we should tell them we know theyre out there? and that we already got together last week?

vyn: no, i think we should let them suffer for all the matchmaking they did. also, check.

[cubedmango]

oh god ok so what i did was just rewatch the episode and wrote thoughts as they came along but that made it really song so IM VERY SORRY IN ADVANCED BUT I HOPE U ENJOY READING THOUGHTS 1) adachi taking care of kurosawa by getting him the day off makes me want to bite something theyre so sweet 2) kurosawas worries in the beginning IM JUST. I NEED HIM TO CATCH A BREAK SO MUCH BUT I KNOW THAT IS NOT COMING THIS EP 3) i will beat the other companys ass up for bringing everyone so much stress (1/???)

KFHDKFHKDKF DONT BE SORRY reading these asks was so fun, and A Huge Mood on everything u said fr 😔 (gonna put the rest of them here under the cut bc it got long fhsjhd)

(2/?) 1) adachi going up to talk to the other company when kurosawa isnt there yet bc he wants to defend him like saying he didnt have any documents with IM JUST. LIKE THINKING HOW MUCH HE'S GROWN.... speaking so clearly and everything 2) but god the way he came in and was like adachis worried abt me like sir im glad ur happy (?) abt that but ;v; the ppl who want to bite ur head off - so endeared by rokkaku being like why didnt u let me talk to them >:( hes everything to me

THAT THING W ADACHI EXACTLY !!!! HIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT SOBS LOUDLY........

kurosawa, hungover and deeply sad and having to come into office on his day off: but i still have to be gay though . adachi cares abt me wow <3

ROKKAKU MY BELOVED HES SOOO [incomprehensible noises] hes my little son i care he

(3/?) 1) kurosawa not wanting adachi to come along bc he doesnt want him to see him like that like ?? hey?? u stop thinking like that- BUT LIKE I REALLY LIKE HOW WHEN EVERYONES TALKING ABT KUROSAWAS MISTAKE... adachi is the first to speak up for him because yeah!!! ur right!! everyones asking him for help!! and rokkaku being like we're depending so much on kurosawa!! AND IM JUST. HOW IT PARALLELS THE TIME IN THE COMPANY RETREAT WHEN KUROSAWA STOOD UP FOR ADACHI....

YEAHHH THE EP 4 PARALLELS and adachi actually reminding everyone that kurosawa is also Just Some Guy Who Makes Mistakes is ..... smth smth park bench scene flashbacks cries

(4/?) 1) glad urabe was like we should take care of each other like yeah and WHEN URABE WAS LIKE THATS TRUE FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN MEN IT MADE ME LOSE MY SHIT like yep! close friends! and i also lost it how like right after rokkaku was like let me go! if theres a fight we'll outnumber them! LIKE ITS ALWAYS ABOUT FIGHTS WITH U.... hes so unhinged 2)kurosawa being upset that adachis protecting him like cmon man...ur not useless!!!!!! adachi saying who protects who doesnt matter like yes go off adachi

urabe said "u two look like a couple. a couple of besties!"

rokkaku always down to throw hands no matter what universe its beautiful

UR RIGHT ADACHI...... U BOTH PROTECT EACH OTHER..... WAILS.............

(5/?) 1) kurosawa is so ridiculous getting like jealous of tsuge holding onto adachis shoulder and stuff even if i have to acquiese that hes right them suddenly not talking to each other is a lil eyebrow raising 2) also adachi buying time for kurosawa so he can send an email so true <3 we love to see it- LIKE WHAT KUROSAWA DID I WAS LIKE YEAHHH LETS GO!!! u go make sure its no longer ur problem 3) AND JUST. adachis presence gave kurosawa the ability to do this. like wow... his strength for real

kurodachi power couple-ing their way into getting back at the other company so true their brains are so massive. personally i loved adachi finding the footage himself in like 10 seconds flat and then he goes to the other guys and says "im not good w that stuff" its so fucking funny. king shit

(6/?) 1) GOD AND HOW KUROSAWA SAID HE WAS SO HAPPY THEY BOTH HAVE THEIR OWN SILENT UNDERSTANDING NOW LIKE THATS SO ENDEARING HOW HES HAPPY ABT IT BUT ALSO. YEAH. 2) them just holding hands and taking a walk rlly made me feel a type of way like my god its so sweet i cant believe these two- when adachi was telling him how he didnt believe it at first bc kurosawa was perfect and how he sees himself as boring and kurosawa instantly was like youre great too they make me sick in such a positive way

THE HAND HOLDING GODDDD adachi being comfortable enough letting it happen in public made me Scream . also i hc'd maybe he wanted to bc he thought it might be the last time he gets to do it ..... Haha :)

THE FUCKIGNGJDNGJ KUROSAWA IMMEDIATELY DEFENDING HIM AAAUGGHH hes literally finding out magic is real and his bfs been reading his mind his whole time AND YET???? HIS FIRST INSTINCT IS TO COMFORT ADACHI???????? i hate these two i hate them (real)

(7/8) 1) AND HOW KUROSAWA WAS LIKE WAIT THATS NOT THE POINT AND LIKE ASKING FOR HELP. 2) adachi being like so amused abt how kurosawa had such odd thoughts like god theyre so in love i cant believe them 3) ADACHI TELLING HIM ALL THE THINGS HE REMEMBERS ABT KUROSAWA AND HOW AT FIRST HE THOUGHT IT WAS STRANGE BUT THEN IT EVENTUALLY MADE HIS HEART BEAT FASTER LIKE. IM SO UNWELL. SO FUCKING UNWELL. LIKE HE THINKS EVERYTHING ABT HIM IS CUTE LIKE CMONNN I NEED TO PUNCH THE AIR FROM THIS

all those flashbacks got me so bad i swear esp the forehead kiss one i had to lie down....... these two make me so sick i cant handle it

(8/8) AND. AND. AND. THE CALLBACK TO KUROSAWAS CONFESSION. THE PARALLELS ABT HOW THIS IS ALL SO MUCH AND RESPECTING WHATEVRE CHOICE IS MADE. IM JUST SO. how did u handle this at the time how. -- IM REALLY SORRY I RLLY DID JUST SEND 8 ASKS I HOPE THEYRE SOMEONE READABLE

THE EP 7 CONFESSION PARALLEL TOOK ME OUT I CANT BELIEVE THEY DID THAT........... i did not handle it well i spent the whole week up to ep13 coming up with . So many possible ideas for what could happen next it was A Time . the actual ep13 made me insane tho its too good pls look forward to it

FKHSFKJD AGAIN DW !!! ur always welcome to scream abt cm in my inbox its v fun seeing other ppl react to the radio drama hehehe

[jackassbroadcast]

Hello im a Tommy enthusiast who watched that one stream where he monologued to foolish for like hafe an hour bc i heard it was a cool stream or wtv to realize how much amazing character moments it had that barly anyone in this damn fandom is talking about so ill fucking do it

(Only after finishing this i realized i wrote 1.7k words LOL OOPS)

If u dont know what in talking about its this stream (apologies for linking a clips channel the actual vod on foolish's channel is deleted by now)

Also heads up /rp /dsmp every time i refer to someone here by name is their character unless stated otherwise bc writing c! Before every name Is tiring LOL

Also // suicidal idealization , death mentions

The conversation starts off with foolish and tommy mining for Wilbur, and foolish questions how simply mining will solve the problem to which Tommy reponds with "they dont get solved, do they? It just ends uo with some madman screaming 'Hes solved it!' And now look at him." And how he wants to "prevent the problem before it goes outta hand" something that clearly references Wilbur and his destruction of lmanburg, which paired with him collecting stone for Wilbur as the way to stop said problems he believes if he does anything he can for Wilbur and support him by his side enough this time around, that he wont do anything like thay again, which as im writing this makes be realize by doing that we learn hes blaming himself for what happened to Wilbur in November 16th and pogtopia and a whole, by not being enough for Wilbur in his mind.

The conversation continues, foolish off hand asks why would tommy want to stop Wilbur? Weren't they friends at some point? To which tommy leads foolish to lmanburg and tells him the story of the nation (how it was him and Wilbur's nation, how they made it to espace dream's iron fist and how they held an election "which puts your life on the line, which is good- if you're confident but- perhaps we were too confident", how they lost)

Tommy: "You know the phrase: 'treat other how you wanna be treated', foolish? People dont ever listen to it. Wilbur- he decided he wanted to be treated poorly so he treated everyone around him poorly "

This Tommy quote, to me at least, so so amazingly strong in conveying how understanding he is? To the world around him. Like-

I have not seen one person bring this quote up, and yet its (at least to me) shows such growth and understanding in Tommy i saw little to nothing like it in other streams. It shows he understands, he knew Wilbur didnt change just because, he knows he was struggling, that he thought everyone around him were againt him, were going to abandon him the first chance theyll get- and he thought he deserved it. So he, as a last way to defend himself against that, hurt them first, abandoned them first, so theyll see how much of a 'bad' person he was and take him out- and tommy saw right through that, possibly understanding it more after exile.

This next qoute was talked about much more but i still wanna bring it up

Foolish: "Do you believe in second chances?"

Tommy: "Oh, no I don't really believe that its not really a thing for me foolish its just that-" *sigh* "- i believe everyone has a little bit of good in then and this is not about giving him a second chance or a third chance- its not about *chances* foolish. Its about not giving up on the poeple you care about. "

Which. I mean. I dont know how healthy that mindset is, but comign from Tommy it makes so much sense.

Techno, tubbo, eret, sapnap. These are all people Tommy used to be extremely close to, had either a war or had been betrayed by them, and yet still found it in his heart that he still cares for them, with all of these, they did horrendous things, that hurt tommy physically and mentally, while also not being once or twice, but a contentious thing, but while tommy is to this day still effected by their actions he still found it in himself to forgive, because he knows he fucked up too, a lot, and he knoes they learned from their mistakes just as he had (except c!techno FUCKKK c!techno mf doesnt learn SHITTT) and he knows, when the time comes he knows hed want the people he hurt to forgive him too. (And he wants Wilbur to do the same)

Next qoute i will cut to a couple parts because its really so good and full of character i had to bro

Foolish: "Do you consider yourself to be the good guy or the bad guy?"

Tommy: "It really depends who you ask, isn't it? Yknow? If you asked dream he'd say im *his little toy that he plays with* you know? It doesnt.."

This part really stunned me when i first heard it because, and correct me If im wrong, but i dont think tommy ever acknowledged how dream sees him, and  how right he has his viewpoint too. Just the fact tommy is so *painfully* aware of how dream doesnt even see him as a person anymore but just a toy to mess around with for a while than just throw it away when it get too boring really hurt me. Someone give this kid a hug

(Continued) Tommy: "...foolish, honestly? I used to consider myself 'the good guy', you know? The fuckin'- second in command! But these past- these past like six months or so, foolish, everything got so much harder than it was before. Because before it was just us vs bad guys, it was all so clear! But- its not been 'clear' for so long, right? It wasn't; 'these are the bad guys! These are the good guys!' Now it's : 'he's doing this and it makes him a bit worse-' i mean, it all got so complicated, so- i don't know. Depends who you ask."

He says this, in response to foolish asking if hes a good guy- but its awfully similar to if Wilbur asked him if they were the bad guys. Because foolish just asked about him, and yet in his answer tommy made sure to keep using the words "us, he's, guys" as if hes not really talking about himself, as if hes explaining how Wilbur was wrong. Which he was. Also something interesting ive noticed, he says "the last 6 months or so", which indicated that with Wilbur he knew better to follow his word and leadership- with Wilbur he was always on the right side but when he lost him he felt much more lost alone, and couldn't trust himself enough to be on the "right side" .

Foolish: "I dont know, it all seems strange because just from, you know- hearing from others and, you know, learing a little bit, its seems like you've been the hero, you've been the villain, the conqueror, the savior, and, even now, i have no idea what you exactly are."

Tommy: "that's up to you to decide, isn't it? Im just- *uh*  i dont know. These days, foolish, I'm a little weaker than i used to be"

Foolish couldn't be more right with what he said, another example of this we see where a character acknowledges tommy never sticks to one thing us Charlie when calling him "tommy fron nowhere" which shows more how he cant stick to one thing, during the course of him on the server he had been friends and enemy with nearly everyone, been on pretty much all sides, and while never really intentionally, being in the center of conflict. When foolish says he doesnt know who tommy is anymroe at this point and all Tommy says in return is that "hes a little weaker than he used to be" does to show he misses who he used to be, with lmanburg, with Wilbur, when he knew who he was, now he doesn't know who he is anymore, but still so desperately want to be more demonstrated by the lines coming rigth after that one:

(Continued) Tommy: "..I'm not- I'm now who i want to be, but-"

Foolish: "Being honest with you, Tommy, that's the same case for me as well."

Tommy: "...heres the thing, foolish, unlike you i dont really have a choice. I have to try and be who i want to be, because if i dont, very bad things are gonna happen in this server. And now that Wilbur's back i can't- quite frankly *no one* can risk that. So i dont really have a choice."

Tommy want's to change- he wants to be better than he is now, to be closer to who he used to be, no matter how impossible that might be, but he also sees it as an immediate thing, he wants to change now, or asap, which is why hes collecting stone for Wilbur in the first place- old him would've done that with ease just because Wilbur asked and he wants to have that back so badly, asap. The way he talked about this reminded me of when he tried getting over his trauma stream before he went in the prison to kill dream: he knew he wasnt the best but he tried getting over that asap to go kill dream asap. He didnt wanna take the long road of years of healing and instead thought he could get over it just like that, and that experience clearly didnt teach him anything because now hes trying to slide back to the relationship he and Wilbur used to have and ignoring the drastic changes they both had plus the bad moments that were the reason they feel out in the first place, or maybe he knows, but at this point, after everything that happened to him and the server, he doesnt care anymore? He knows hes not the same he was and he'll never be the same, because thats not how it works, but his mentor, president, big brother is back after so long tommy felt so lost and alone he thinks maybe, this time around, with Wilbur, he could try and be better again.

[thebadtimewolf]

@viscountessevie / @allkinds-oftrash replied to your post "you. i see ur tags. u r right..."

GO OFF!! Thanks for the tag :) and tbh you should remove the cancellation and yell it louder for the people in the back!

I mean, yeah but the ppl in the back got tenrose earplugs on the tracks and the train is coming. so yknow.

like yeah, they cringe now, say martha deserve better now, but lets not get it twisted - as soon as ten regenerated into himself in journeys end - he wasnt the same at all.

that was a whole nother man. he looked at rose the same way he asked torchwood leader in the impossible planet/satan's pit for a hug when she asked if he was still himself before being shot.

And he clearly took it to mean 'no im visually still the same, just went over that'

And then when they were playing catch up, he still wasn't look at her like he was flirtingly laughing about rose coming back - it mimicked similar to martha's 'ur joking' about finding the hand's origin in utopia AND THATS JARRING (pun intended)

nine and ten always had their hand open to grab in order to run or just hold, keep one close.

But this one didn't. He purposely moved from them at the sight of losing donna/tardis, not in a protective way (see how jack got shot in the open but also where Rose was standing before moving closer to the doctor) but rather from tiny anguish to already having several flashes of torturing the daleks for this.

Not once thinking Rose was in clear blasting range because this one didn't care anymore. He lost Donna. None of them mattered. Lock us up.

The fact that the Doctor isn't upset that martha has a plan but, rather that the plan is WAY TOO SIMILAR TO HOW HE LOST GALLIFREY (which shows that martha and donna are considered equals to himself [just like the master because we're time lords] in this new body but not rose? hm wonder why]) and i believe that hit him more than the warp star tactic.

The fact that Rose had to walk to him and force her fingers and hand into his own when he was watching the supposed death of donna and the tardis because his hand wasn't open like it used to be - because he didn't have the same feelings for her. Not anymore. That was the second time his feelings got him to lose another regeneration. No second chances to a T. - is wild.

He's holding her hand but shes gripping his. She needs touch because she missed him but he doesnt because he didnt miss her and what she brought out of him.

That costed him a companion because of it.

That isn't a look you give someone that you missed when they gleefully approve what is essentially what you had to do to fight the daleks. That is a look of shocking disappointment. im telling you he didn't love her anymore.

all that racism he learned from rose (with additional help from joan) all poured into tentoo and all the non-racism bits came from donna.

Davros had the solution he didn't have during the time war - transporting the person with the bomb and detonation away from said bomb and detonation - and used it on martha first immediately post haste. Just like the Doctor, Davros saw her as one of Doctor's equals than he ever saw Rose. Saw the two most likely to commit genocide to his species via the tardis and went, lets put them in a light cage so I CAN SEE WHERE THEY AT

But yeah. RTD's antiblackness really shows.

and the fact tenth doctor - new and improved - tells rose 'does it need saying' is real character growth. he's literally cutting out the source of where his prev. ten's antiblackness came from and told her in deleted scenes to give it 50 yrs. like damn it hurts but damn that also a fucking roast.