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thethousandyearwitch · 5 years ago

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“Thankless Job”. 2589 Words, HisokaxIllumi Illumi has to work at a Burger Joint and realizes that Customer Service isnt for him. A Shitpost gone wrong, dont expect perfect english, dont expect perfect plot. kthxbye

fanfiction.net link

"You need to get a job." Those words have been ringing in Illumis ears for the past week. The way which his father had said it, so matter-of-factly, and the way his mother started wailing almost immediately, talking about "new experiences" "learning normal skills" "honest money". Illumi did not understand how the money he'd get from missions was "dishonest" money, but he also knew better than to disagree with his parents. And so he could do nothing but watch and write applications, while his brothers got assigned mission after mission. He wasn't surprised that a TOPBURGA♪ accepted his application and hired him after a short interview. The place does not exactly scream professionalism and high-class, with it's grease stained walls, the lingering small of something burning in the air, and the sound of screaming children. The sensory input was almost too overwhelming for the eldest Zoldyck son, but he knew that his pool of jobs to choose from wasn't that deep.

And so he stared at himself in the mirror while buttoning up the last button on his brightly orange shirt. The work uniform was atrocious. The shirt was too tight around the shoulders, but too wide around the waist, and was tucked into pants that didn't even reach his ankles. Gently he pulled his ponytail through the back-end of a white cap, fashioning the talking-burger logo of the chain. A last look into the mirror, going over his form, examining the working-class stranger looking back at him. That could not be him, he thought, resting his eyes on the reflection of the name tag "Iluhmi". 8:30 am. His shift starts.

The first 2 hours had been going surprisingly smoothly. Working as a cashier wasn't difficult to Illumi, he could take comfort in such a repeated, calculated task, blocking out most of everything that was going on around him, including his managers mumbling about 'customer service face'. He got the job done, and he got it done well. Mentally he was preparing for his lunch break already, wanting to breathe fresh air, leaving all the noise behind for glorious 30 minutes of silence. But suddenly Illumi felt something greatly disturbing this make believe peace he has already been looking forward to. A familiar aura, so piercing, so overwhelming, a weaker soul would be inclined to activate a fight or flight instinct that had been driven out of any and all of the Zoldyck children. There was only fight. And yet Illumi wanted to leave, not to flee, but simply to hide, to not be seen. Not like this, not by him. The doors of the small Burger joint swung open, and in came the familiar magician, brandishing is trademark grin, so perverse that Illumi felt it would be justified to call security. But he didn't, instead opting to look blankly ahead, hoping, praying that Hisoka has stumbled into this restaurant by accident, and would leave any second. Hope is for Fools and Prayer never works. Illumi was face to face with the pink-haired intruder now. "My, oh my, what a surprise to see you here, dear Illumi " It is against company policies to assault a customer. "That Uniform looks quite... Dashing on you, might I add." It is against company policies to insult a customer.

"Welcome to TOPBURGA, may I have your order please?" Maybe acting cold and rejecting would work, pretending not to even know this person (by stretch of definition). "Oh, I don't think that's a sufficient greeting for a PAYING CUSTOMER, do you? " It would not work. Illumi could tell by Hisokas widening grin and narrowing eyes that he was prepared to make a scene. Illumi cleared his throat, before digging his nails into the off-color counter in front of him, forcing himself to smile, looking Hisoka directly in the eyes. He had never wanted to murder this man this badly ever before. "Welcome to TOPBURGA♪! May I take your order, please~?" Hisoka clapped his hands together, looking pleased as ever. "Now that's the spirit! Feels wonderful to work with a smile on your face, right?" Illumi felt a piece of a soul that he think he didn't have die. Reverting back to a blank stare, Illumi coldly put in Hisokas order into the cash register, trying to block out Hisokas low purrs of "um"s and "ah"s while he was deciding on his meal. "That'll be 6.99Jennie Please."

As Illumi held out his hand to receive the cash (which was definitely not enough to compensate for what he was emotionally going through), Hisoka gently placed his hand on top of the cashiers, slowly running his nails over Illumis open palm after dropping the coins. The sensation ran shivers down Illumis spine, but surprisingly he didn't dislike it. Faintly he wondered how it would feel to have these nails run up the nape of his neck, or gently massaging his scalp. Of course Illumi would never let anyone touch his hair, much less Hisoka, who would probably get way too much joy out of it.

Quickly banning these thoughts out if his head , he handed Hisoka his order number. "Your order will be ready in a moment." Illumi wondered if he could pass a note to the cook and ask him to burn an order on purpose, as Hisoka finally took a couple steps back to lean against a wall and wait. Conveniently the business started to fill with customers, keeping Illumi busy and his mind occupied, ignoring the magicians piercing stare on him. Even as a coworker finally handed him his order, he found a table in perfect view of the counter, slowly eating fry by fry while watching Illumi work. Does he not have anything better to do? Is there no one else he can harass? Of course he's just looking, but anyone who has ever met Hisokas gaze knows that that basically counts as assault. Why does it bother me so much, anyway? Illumis thoughts were echoing in his head. Hisoka took up too much space in his mind, distractingly much. "You're being watched." The soft voice pulled him out of the echo chamber of his mind.

"Pardon?" Illumis eyes focused back on the customer in front of him, trying to process the figure in a soaked black rain coat, hood pulled over their head. The rain had started a couple minutes earlier, and as everyone who had sought shelter in the burger joint had been served, or was simply there to wait our the weather, this lone figure was the last in line. "A customer has been watching you for the past 30 minutes, he sits in the second row to the right." "Oh, him. I've been aware-" Illumis explanation cut short as the figure pulls off the soaked hood of their coat, revealing yet another familiar face. "Chrollo." "Oh, Illumi? I didn't even recognize you in that.." Chrollos eyes quickly darted over Illumis form, before letting out a small chuckle "..lovely attire." "Thank you, I've already been made aware that I look 'dashing', according to my pursuer." Chrollo leaned on the counter, and though Illumi felt proportionally more uncomfortable with the increasing number of familiar faces in this place, he did find comfort in being able to talk comparatively normal to someone for the first time today. "So, is the Zoldyck family planing to become a chain restaurant empire now?"

"Very funny." It was not very funny. "I'd prefer it if you leave this establishment. If Hisoka recognizes who you are, I feel like there is not a job for me to come back to tomorrow." Chrollo chuckled, before holding up an apologetic hand. "Understood, I will just have a water and be on my way. Though.." He quickly glanced over his shoulder "..I feel like he's already preparing to fight me just for talking to you like this. His determination in staring me down is admirable." Illumi glanced at the clock, and sighed in relief, before grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. "My break has started. That'll be 1.20Jennie." Without another word, Chrollo placed the money on the counter, took his water, and waved Illumi goodbye. The hard working man at the counter was about to turn and leave for his well deserved break, when something was amiss. He froze mid-turn, glanced back at the interior of the restaurant. He's gone, he thought.

Did he see Chrollo after all? The image of Hisoka confronting Chrollo outside came to mind, but was quickly pushed aside. It was time for Illumis break, and whatever happens outside the restaurant is none of his business. Instead he grabbed his water bottle, and excused himself through the backdoor. The rain had stopped, and the sun was pushing through the thin of the clouds. The back of the restaurant was facing a small park, and a wooden bench had been set up for employees to take a break on. Illumi sat down, grateful that the bench itself had been sheltered under the roof of the building, and took off his uniform cap. A small sigh escaped him, staring away into the distance. What has my Life come to? Is this how its going to be for ever? How did Hisoka get his nails so sharp, and why does he always look at me? Is this an informal way of telling me im out of the family business? Did my fa- Wait. He caught himself mid thought. That magician had done it again, sneaking his way into the back of Illumis mind, like a maggot eating through wood. He could never, ever give him the satisfaction of knowing he had those capabilities. Illumi could practically already hear the self-satisfied purr of the other mans voice. "Whats got you thinking so hard, dear?~" The reality of that voice made Illumis head shoot up, facing the other man who was leaning casually against the wall next to him.

"None of your business." Plenty of his business. Too much of his business, actually. His smug face and awful grin and piercing gaze. "You know, I do like your hair in a ponytail like this, it frames your neck perfectly~" Hisoka reaches out towards Illumis face, but his hand is quickly swatted away, giving a fake pout at this. "Why does the eldest of the Zoldyck children degrade himself to such lowly work anyway?~"

Illumi stood up, determined to leave. He wanted peace, quiet, a clear mind, all things mutually exclusive with the presence of Hisoka. "My dear Illumi, if you really needed money that badly, you could have always come to your good friend for help~" Illumi felt his muscles twitch. He wasn't sure what to address first, that he doesn't need money that badly, or that him and Hisoka are the furthest thing from friends. "I wouldn't mind playing your boss for a while~" The magician was directly behind him, he could feel his aura lingering all over his back. Hisokas low voice purred softly behind Illumis ear "I promise you'd get your own uniform, too~" A hand was suddenly resting on the nape of Illumis neck, and index finger massaging through the small hairs that slipped out of his ponytail. For a fraction of a second, he could feel his blood come to a freezing point, forcing him to inhale sharply.

The thought of working for Hisoka was ridiculous and repulsing. Working with him was already often a strain on Illumis sanity. And now just being in his presence , so close he could swear he could hear the others heartbeat (though it was probably only his own ringing in his ear), it upset something deep inside him. The fraction of a second passes, and his blood shot up to a boil. Illumi turned around, a hand immediately pushing Hisoka back against a wall. "I have no qualms about killing you right where you stand." "I'd let you, if it would calm your nerves~" It was no surprise that the magicians grin had only gotten wider after impact with the wall, and seeing Illumis rage burn through him. Illumis hand was pushing against Hisokas throat, though one of Hisokas hands was just holding lazily onto the others wrist, making no attempt to escape his grip.

Illumi could feel Hisokas pulse through his grip, calm despite the circumstances, which only irritated him more. Neither of them break eye contact, while Illumis thoughts run deafening through his head. The past week had been more stressful than any mission could have ever been. This shift in his routine, in what is normal for him just being torn away, proved to be far more damaging than expected. Hisoka was right, his nerves needed to be calmed. His fingers twitched around Hisokas windpipe, who was still meeting Illumis gaze unblinkingly, licking his lips in anticipation. "You are a vile person. I'm sure you'd get off on it if I were to actually kill you right here." Illumis face inched close to Hisokas, not letting go off the grip around his neck. What am I doing it echoed. "We'll never find out if you don't try~" Hisokas hot breath fell on Illumis lips. Too close. Stop. His head was pulsing, and he just wanted to muffle all of his thoughts. Calm my nerves. Their Lips met, softer than expected, and suddenly Illumi felt like all of his muscles relaxed for the first time in his life. He's just helping me calm my nerves.

Hisokas free hand rested on Illumis hip, in turn Illumi released the grip around his neck, and instead wrapped his arms around the others shoulders, pulling him closer to himself. Hisokas tongue licks along the others lips, and reflex-like he opens them. Tasting him like this made Illumis head spin once again, so sickly sweet, as if he was made out of candy. One of his hands starts holding onto Hisokas hair, not pulling, but curling soft strands around his fingers, a gesture almost too soft, too kind for someone like him. In response Hisokas grip around his hips tightened. A new kind of tension tightened in Illumis chest, coiling around his throat, forcing him to finally pull away, catching his breath. He could feel all of the blood that had rushed to his head, feeling the heat flush his cheeks. Quickly he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, straightening his back. "This did not happen." "Of course not, love~" Hisoka chuckles, stepping away from the wall he had been pinned to, stretching his arms and shoulders as if he had been chained up for hours. "Don't do that. I'm not your 'love', you're a glorified stranger to me." "Oh, Illumi, you hurt me so deeply!" Another fake pout, though his eyes were sparking with scheming intent. "Guess I have to ask someone else to join me on a mission in Yorknew then~!" "Excuse me?" "Well, my dear Illumi, theres a ball in Yorknew, and some very interesting people will be there. And by pure coincidence, I have a +1. Though I can't just take any stranger with me~" Hisokas grin was all telling, the bait was all for Illumi to take. The luxury of a Ball in Yorknew, with the danger of Hisoka being present and most likely still itching to "calm some nerves"...And the escape from this thankless job. Illumi undoes his ponytail, and starts unbuttoning the badly-fitting uniform. "When will we depart, associate?" Hisoka started beaming, overjoyed at having broken down one of Illumis walls. "I'll pick you up tonight, love~"

#hisoka marrow #illumi zoldyck #hunter x hunter #fanfiction #hisoillu

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roughentumble · 4 years ago

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I would like to hear.. your silence of the lambs series opinions......

series as in, the new clarice tv show that's out? haven't watched it yet. series as in, those old movies that feature anthony hopkins as hannibal lecter? surely!

fair warning, i probably dont have anything new to say that hasnt been said before, considering these are all long since classics, and my thoughts might be a little disjointed.

it's difficult to sum up opinions about it on the whole, since the movie quality honestly varies so wildly, and as i recall basically every single movie had a different director lol. also like, there's definitely a reason silence of the lambs stood out as The hannibal movie that got talked about and went into The Annals Of Film History n' all that. there's something about jodie foster's performance that's particularly electric(though that could be nostalgia talking, i suppose)

the opportunities she had, as an actress, to really show emotion on her face, like the claustrophobic close-ups we got were really intimate and interesting, added to the sense we were getting into her head. that HANNIBAL was getting into her head. i've already used the word intimate, but really, the long drawn out conversations/monologues between her and hannibal are just that-- intimate. you have to have stellar performances to pull off that much dialogue, and shots that intensely focused, where a face takes up so much of the screen. but it works! because hopkins and foster are fantastic actors, and jonathen demme is a good director.

there's a reason a lot of people didn't like the switch to julianne moore, and i would say it isnt entirely moore's fault. ridley scott, for one, is simply a different director with different ideas of shot composition, which changes how the character feels pretty drastically when the style so heavily informed your feelings for her. but also, in general, the film just kind of approaches clarice from a different angle, which is pretty bumpy territory to go into on the tail of switching your lead actress. not only is moore just really different from foster, but we've gone from this kind of invasive intimacy with hannibal probing her in confined spaces, to her being on the chase. in particular what sticks out to me is a chase sequence where she's trying to find hannibal in a crowded mall.(i think it was a mall?? its been a minute since i last watched the film haha) despite how the crowd might lead to a sense of claustrophobia, these are wide open shots with lots of spinning and movement, no time for introspective face journies. it's a chase in a totally different sense than before, and that i think is major difference in tone. which isn't to say it's a bad choice, or a loss, or that it's worse, just that it's fundamentally very different material that moore was given fo work with. of course her performance differed from fosters!

i still think jodie foster did it better, but some folks were too hard on julianne moore. if anything, hold beef with the writers and new director for pivoting tonally(although, dont do that either, i think it was an interesting shift. the scene with her and hannibal, where hannibal fries up that dude's brain was SO GOOD, i loved loved loved the return to a twisted sense of intimacy for that scene, and a few others, and that sense of return wouldn't have hit the same were the whole movie to follow the same tone as demme's work.)

also quick sidebar, when i watched hannibal(the movie from 2001) i was BLOWN AWAY by realizing, in retrospect, just how absolutely perfectly micheal pitt nailed the role of mason verger in hannibal(the tv show). vocally, he sounded almost identicle to the og performance, WHAT!!! major props, i love micheal pitt. so cool

manhunter 1987 or whatever year it came out is garbage and we dont talk about it. it was physically painful to watch. my poor mother made us stop watching hannibal movies for the rest of the day because it literally put her in physical pain. it's so 80s i want to vomit. do not recommend.

red dragon was pretty good, and if you entered the series of films armed only with knowledge of hannibal nbc, gave some really fascinating context to some of the events therein. edward norton's performance was fine-- didn't blow my mind, but i do love to watch him on screen. anthony hopkins' portrayal of a free hannibal, on the run, who still can't help but taunt the police and stick his nose into investigations was shockingly compelling, despite how much of a cliche trope that's become in recent years. can't say i recall anything interesting to say about the directing, but it certainly doesnt hold the same intimacy of the previous films-- but then again, we've lost the intimate character of clarice, swapping her out for graham(who simply isnt as close, or interesting, or compelling, when he isnt on nbc and shaking like a wet chihuahua)

hannibal rising, the last film in the series, was very very very bad. BUT, unlike manhunter 198whatever, it managed to be fun about it! lots of very goofy deaths and things to make you roll your eyes, stupid character motivations and odd acting choices. but it seems aware, on some level, that it's the last and the silliest of the entries into this particular film series, which earns it some good will. whether or not its worth a watch comes down to how much you're willing to consume everything with the name hannibal on it, and whether you can abide by a hannibal that isnt played by sir anthony hopkins.

OK. ok. we're getting to the end of my thoughts here, kids. i prommy.

it's also, despite every single part of it that i enjoy and that brings me joy, almost unforgivably racist and transphobic. the weird exotification and obsession with asia(and japan in particular), especially when none of those elements felt important or relevant to the story was consistently shocking, and consistently present in essentially every single hannibal movie, ESPECIALLY ones that dealt with his childhood. it didn't ever feel like a natural part of the story, where they happened include people from another culture or anything, it felt like the author's fetish. i never truly understood how these reoccuring themes and symbols were meant to tie in with the rest of the story, even after an entire film set in the past, showiing hannibal's childhood and how he came to live with a japanese woman. it was weird! it was uncomfortable! it was bad! even hannibal nbc couldnt make it not weird. i'd love a hannibal movie with a japanese person in it who WASNT treated really, really, really weird. but i dont think i will ever get that.

and like. wrt transphobia-- do i even need to say it? buffalo bill's been talked to death. we all know the issue there.

if a japanese person, or a trans woman, came to me and said "shawn, everyone says its a classic, but i cant bring myself to watch [insert hannibal movie here]" i would not blame them. it isnt the whole movie, but its enough to feel real bad, scoob.

its not enough to make me fall out of love with silence of the lambs, or hate hannibal(the film, god thats a confusing name), or even hate the film series, but its something that deserves tl be talked about. i've heard lots of discussion on the transphobia, but basically none on the racism, which is a real shame. sometimes it feels like no one else even noticed it, and it really leaves me floundering, because its like-- its RIGHT THERE and its so weird and bad. thomas harris, what the fuck

OKAY I THINK THATS ALL MY THOUGHTS FOR NOW?????? i could maybe come up with more, *shrugs*, but i'd need more time at least.

summary:: very problematic, and not because he eats people. but overall some of the films are fantastic, and silence of the lambs does hold a special place in my heart. and even if i didnt like it nearly as much, i'll defend hannibal(the film with julianne moore) till im blue in the face, because even if it didnt quite capture lightening in a bottle it still brought some interesting things to the table. decent enough movie series with enough variation in film tone and quality to make watching them all in a row enjoyable, because it keeps things from getting stale. (could probably have done with SOME consistency tho, lol, they were really flying by the seat of their pants. they had hopkins and that was IT, only thing that carried over from production to production lol)

#im exaggerating wrt that last line abt hopkins #they couldve had other people in the staff that worked on multiple films in the series #i havent looked THAT much into it

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gallickingunexposed · 4 years ago

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Tl;dr - morgan and leaf (one of the mods) are both guilty of kicking people in the server by personal preference and enable the possibility of plagiarism happening again within bnhabookclub

I wasnt going to send this bc frankly im unbothered. However, ik this is smth that can easily happen to someone else and they may undermine their experience if they believe theyre the only one this has happened to. And since i have made attempts to get answers from leaf (since morgan and i are mutually blocked) but havent been able to get through, i might as well speak up to help others since the bookclub admin/mod team wont

Ik she said she wishes she did things differently so some may believe she regretted her actions, but her actions are still the same. When a blogger was concerned over her keeping a picture of their ID and morgan refused to acknowledge it, she kicked them by her personal choice and didnt tell mods. Recently, she did the same to me. When i asked a mod, i was told that this mod had no idea this happened and had to ask, as of which only one other mod (leaf) knew about it. I tried to contact leaf weeks ago on discord and she still wont accept my friend requests. Ive sent and re-sent it jic she missed it since i was told shes busy, but at this point its clear that discussion is being avoided again, similar to the previous time someone was kicked without notice or breaking rules.

The reason i was in the server until this point was bc there was a mutual understanding between me and the bookclub staff team that id be there to make sure they didnt continue to steal from my friend’s server and my server. This was discussed months ago and we barely managed to get bookclub to properly attribute us and stop using my friend’s content when he said it made him uncomfortable. The mods had agreed during the “inactivity” kicking session that i could remain (even if inactive) in the server and leave of my own accord to make sure that bnhabookclub didnt continue to take credit for things they took from our servers. I expressed i wanted to leave but was staying and will continue to stay until i was sure that they wouldnt plagiarize from us; however, i sent one message within the server during that time jic to cover my back about being kicked for inactivity. that purge never happened, but suddenly morgan and leaf went back on their word months later and kicked me, not informing the entirety of the mods of their actions so they can get away with it (since again i was told morgan believed she’s in the right for this). If theyre to say they never agreed to this, i have ss of my conversation with the mod who helped me through this whole situation. I dont believe she would made that stuff up and put herself in the hot seat.

It’s convenient that im someone who morgan plagiarized from and also one of the many people she scammed and tried to prevent giving a refund to, and now shes removed me from the server because she “saw no issue with it” (quoted from the mod i did talk to that was unaware of the situation) even though the server is where half of those offenses occurred. Now that im not there, she has full capability to reimplement the stolen ideas and procedures that she got from me and my friends, which is likely since she is repeating other actions the same as she did in the past without remorse. I had remained in the server this whole time to make sure she didnt continue to plagiarize our content. Morgan as well as the entire mod team was aware of that since it was discussed months ago during the time these things were being properly attributed, but they kicked anyway and will probably say it was “unrelated” to the plagiarism, but that merely overlooks and gaslights the situation. Kicking for personal choice can only be regrettable if it doesnt happen again, but morgan and leaf have made it even easier for her to get away with the same issues and have continued to solidify bnhabookcoub as a space that isnt run by the rules shown, but simply run by morgan.

Is that a community i want to be in? Ofc not, but if it meant ensuring morgan and her team didnt continue to steal from me and my friends then that was fine with me. They know the sole reason i was there was to make sure they didnt plagiarize me and my friends — there should be no issue with that unless there was intent to oick up where they left off and continue plagiarizing. Had i been able to leave of my own accord then i feel like no flag wouldve been raised, but morgan and leaf are simply solidifying the accusations from before: removing and silencing ppl that were wronged.

All of this leads into me saying, please take her words of regret with a grain of salt and believe in her actions objectively instead. Victims of morgan’s theft, bullying, etc have no reason to lie — theres no prize or pot of gold for saying these things, and also it is difficult for some people to speak abt what shes done to them. However, morgan has lied to cover her ass when people come forward and made herself the sole victim through words while she continues to act the same. Please just be careful about the spaces you join, esp if its one that she and her friends run or are apart of.

psa

#hq x reader #mha x reader #bnha bookclub #bnhabookclub #bnha book club #tw: discourse #lilhemmo #submission #kirishimaseijirous #bnhq book club #bnhq bookclub #bnhqbookclub #gallickingunlies #gallickingunarchive #gallickingunsteals #gallickingun #gallickingunexposed

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kiruuuuu · 6 years ago

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Doc/Lion oneshot in which Lion absolutely can’t get enough of Doc. (Rating E, pure filth + fluff, ~4k words) - written for the ever so wonderful 1ce_09 on twitter ♥♥ Everyone who hasn’t already, check them out for beautiful Siege art! Thank you so much for commissioning me, I enjoyed myself :)

If anyone had asked Lion a year – hell, months – ago which part of the day was his least favourite, he would’ve said waking up. Throughout his life, the only consistently good thing staying with him has been how easily he falls asleep and his ability to only wake up once fully rested; he sometimes thinks it’s a genuine blessing he received, a rare show of mercy of which he’s ultimately undeserving. Even when his mind worked overtime, even when there was an oppressive weight on his soul, even when there was no reason to get up in the morning, he drifted off like a lazy, oversized house cat napping in the sun. In rare moments, he idly wonders whether this ability hasn’t saved his life at some point, granted him this little bit of energy he needed to get through the day, gave him enough hope to trudge on and eventually sparked his endeavour to make it up to those he wronged.

And then there are his dreams. They’ve always been vivid, abstract, hard to grasp, but as a child he could always pinpoint at least a location or a person, something concrete which gave him an indication of what was on his mind at the time. After – after Claire, after colourful pills and pieces of paper with cartoon characters on them and a few other things, his nightly visions became even more obscure, swirls of colour, evoking emotions whose vibrancy stays with him in this twilight between waking and sleeping, a half-doze in which he’s disembodied yet conscious. He enjoys their embrace and despised nothing more than the afterimages being violently ripped away from him by a shrill alarm.

These days, he doesn’t mind it so much. The reason for his change of mind is as fortunate as it is unbelievable because of all its facets no one could’ve predicted, especially not him: It’s someone he loves (and he’d given up on this particular idea a while ago). It’s a man (and while he’s fooled around with some of his friends before, it was largely born from spite and the thrill of the forbidden). And of all people, it’s Doc.

It took him months to come to terms with the realisation that his infuriating colleague never really left his thoughts because of a fierce desire to impress him, not because of personal dislike. Doc is revered wherever he treads and when Lion earned his ire, it was much easier to pretend the negativity dictating Lion’s remorseless remarks and actions towards the other man stemmed from disdain and not disappointment in himself, not from a knee-jerk reaction to the realisation that Doc would never see him as an equal now.

It took him even longer to finally act on it too, reach out and attempt to rebuild the bridge Doc had destabilised and which Lion had spitefully burned in response; it required endless conversations with Bertrand as well as the rest of the GIGN, a worrisome amount of self-reflection, and uncomfortable, tough admissions.

But he managed. Looking back, it’s amazing how much he turned his life around, how much he achieved with the help of those around him and indubitably help from above, and he’s humble enough to try and let his gratitude shine through in everything he does these days.

He even learnt to enjoy waking up. Though admittedly it wasn’t difficult, no, not at all, not when he knows he’ll have company, be greeted with a smile and a kiss, a brief update on global events, a cup of coffee just how he likes it. And so instead of hitting the snooze button on his phone several times, tossing and turning, dreading the beginning of yet another day, he wakes with a serenity he never thought he could achieve.

This morning, his heart feels even lighter than normal and it doesn’t take long to figure out why: there’s a warm body next to his. Doc prefers getting up early, always prefers being prepared no matter what and possesses the inhuman ability to sleep without an alarm and be on time anyway – but rarely, on one of their days off, he allows himself to sleep in, much to Lion’s delight.

Smiling to himself, he rolls on his side to dazedly blink at the spectacular view in front of him and really, Doc has no business being this gorgeous this early in the day. He’s stretched out on his stomach – and he’s the only person Lion has met who sleeps this way –, head turned away from Lion, explaining his constant neck pains, and smooth skin illuminated by the rays falling in through the blinds, painting long stripes on his naked back.

Lion doesn’t want to disturb the image yet reaches out regardless, runs his fingertips over shoulder blades jutting out, the dip of his lower back, relaxed muscles, and reaches the blanket covering Doc from the hips downwards. He should let him sleep. Really, he should, but with every centimetre more that’s revealed, Lion’s interest rises. He takes his time, pauses when he hears his lover take a deep breath and proceeds when it evens out again. Slowly, surely, he reveals plump curves and more soft skin, and then his gaze falls on the discoloured spots on the back of Doc’s thighs and the almost languorous desire playfully swaying in the back of his mind suddenly gets shoved to the very forefront, makes his heart skip a beat and his crotch throb.

Memories from the previous evening come flooding back, the end of a tedious work day necessitating some kind of release – they’d started as soon as they set foot into their apartment, Lion crowding his lover against the door and licking every bit of composure off his tongue, then wandering deeper with his hungry mouth and swallowing him whole, something he’s come to love, provided he can watch Doc’s features dissolve into helpless want while sucking on him, hard. He took his time, did so for the rest too, left Doc aching and fingered him open over the couch until he was flushed and flustered and even more beautiful, took him standing up until his legs gave in, relocated to the kitchen table, eventually landed in bed where he finished them both off with merciless snaps of his hips, listening to Doc’s desperate whines and floating on pure ecstasy.

The bruises are remnants, and now he also feels the scratches on his back again which he didn’t let the other man see, angled his body so he wouldn’t notice the damage he’s done – he usually feels bad about leaving marks though Lion can never get enough. It’s one of the many small disagreements about which they half-heartedly argue and neither of them is ready to budge, but more often than not they end with a hand in someone’s hair or quick kisses. There’s more, now that he knows where to look, Doc’s ass cheeks themselves are still tinted red and the lovebites Lion sucked onto his ribs remain perfectly visible as well.

Maybe he should add a few.

Moving carefully, he removes the blanket entirely, admires Doc’s shapely legs for a moment and then kneels between them, intending no more than to touch the sleeping beauty a little, but as soon as his palms come to rest on firm flesh, a different thought makes his cock twitch in anticipation. Doc is perfectly on display like this, the hills and valleys of his body enticing in a way that Lion wants nothing more than mould himself around them, and he decides to appreciate it all by waking Doc with something more… personal than simply covering him in hickeys.

Thumbs pull the cheeks apart a little, exposing a pink hole which looks overwhelmingly inviting to Lion, a hole he abused to his heart’s content the previous evening and so it’s only appropriate for him to make up for the rough treatment, isn’t it? He leans forward and gingerly circles the rim with the tip of his tongue, starting feather-light and increasing the intensity slowly, intersperses it with broad laps and has to suppress a moan when he feels the ring of muscle pulsing in response. He’s felt similar contractions around his shaft so many times before and the association is all he needed for a full, heavy erection – especially when he remembers Doc’s usual, elated expression whenever he climaxes.

The hips beneath his hands shift a little, and a foot lifts, powerless, and when he pushes the tip of his tongue inside, Doc lets out a sleepy groan. “Really?”, he mumbles into the sheets but makes no move to stop Lion. “Didn’t we do enough yesterday?”

He grins and forces himself a little deeper, eliciting a weak moan, before withdrawing for a reply: “Gustave, I can never have enough of you.” And to cut off any smart remark, he wiggles his tongue back inside and turns all of Doc’s protests into small, appreciative noises. Though his lover appears to be the voice of reason more often than not, he allows himself to get swept up by Lion’s passion all the time, mentioning work but riding him with abandon ten minutes later, scolding him for only thinking about one thing but asking him to come on his face the same day. Lion never minds initiating, not when this is the result: an increasingly aroused Doc meeting his mouth with subtle grinding, fisting the sheets and not even fully awake yet.

A curious finger proves Doc to be more than loose enough a few minutes later, and by this point they’re both panting and dizzy – and besides, Lion has always been more of a ‘shoot first, ask questions later’ type, so he wastes no time in grabbing the lube strategically placed on the bedside table to pour a generous amount on his stiff cock, wincing a little at the cool, viscous liquid. A few strokes for good measure coat it sufficiently and the next moment he’s rubbing his tip over the very hole he licked open just now, felt it quiver around his tongue. The touch is electrifying and the fierce need pulsing through him urges him to give in, take what’s his, ensure his own pleasure.

But he waits. Bites his lip in impatience, pushes slightly against the entrance and shivers when he feels it give way a little, squeezes one of the buttcheeks he maltreated in the sweetest way possible last night – but he waits.

And then Doc meets him, lifts his hips to allow the head to slip inside and both of them gasp at the sudden surge of pleasure. Lion accepts this signal for what it is and begins the slow slide, pushes deeper and deeper into deliciously tight heat, feels Doc’s walls contract around his dick and only stops once he’s bottoms out. Since his lover usually requires a moment to adjust, Lion uses this time to not only focus on how fucking good he feels, but also to straddle the other man properly and lean down, cover him with his own body and place a few loving kisses on the top of his head.

“Other people wake their boyfriends with breakfast in bed”, Doc grumbles under him, now less bleary than before, but the hand he places next to Lion’s contradicts his words. He spreads his fingers and Lion interlaces them with his own, holds on tight and makes no move to suppress the smile stretching his lips at the gesture.

“Their boyfriends are definitely not as erotic as mine then”, he purrs into Doc’s hair. His limbs are possessively caging the other man in and even then, it hardly suffices to sate his need to be as close to Doc as possible, feel all of him.

“What you mean to say is they have more than just a shred of self-control.” And oh, he’s going to make Doc eat those words.

Slowly, he begins grinding down, impatient erection twitching eagerly inside and rubbing against all the right places if Doc’s startled gasp is anything to go by. He loves it deep and Lion knows it, rolls his hips against his lover’s perfect ass and makes him feel every centimetre keenly. For good measure, he bows his head to latch onto that spot right below Doc’s ear which he knows drives him wild, tongues at it wetly before sucking and relishes the unrestrained moan he earns for his trouble. Over time, he’s memorised all of Doc’s weakspots and exploits this knowledge now shamelessly, bites at his earlobe and trails his lips over soft skin to the back of Doc’s neck where he nibbles, his lazy motions emphasising his ministrations.

By now, Doc is trembling against him, the deep grind stealing his breath and causing him to jerk his hips up in search of more thorough stimulation than this merciless teasing, trying to fuck himself on Lion’s cock but failing. Frustrated huffs join the quiet panting, his grip involuntarily tightening parallel to him clenching desperately around Lion’s hard shaft and it’s mesmerising to behold how his mock crossness melts away into pure lust.

Doc’s other hand reaches back and digs into Lion’s ass, tries to get him to move more, faster, anything, but when that fails as well, he pleads: “Come on, just fuck me, Olivier.”

He knows how this goes. Grinning to himself, Lion tenses his muscles to make his dick throb inside additionally to the tantalising motions and decides to have even more fun. “You look so pretty, impaled on my cock”, he whispers and throws Doc a bone, withdraws all the way and slowly slides back in, keeps this torturous pace and sighs contentedly every time Doc’s hole allows him back in, stretches around him. He meant his words – he really can never get enough of this.

Uneven breaths have turned into whines now. “Olivier, please -”

“I could fuck you, pump you full of come and then leave you, dripping and begging for it”, he continues and concentrates on the steady build of pleasure – a slow climb but oh so satisfying. Doc feels wonderful around him. “Could do that the entire day. Every time you suck me until I’m hard again, I shoot inside but you’re not allowed to come. You can ride my cock all day, Gustave.” The thought is dazzling and he probably never fantasised about someone while being balls deep inside that very person, yet he can’t help but picture Doc all powerless, frenzied, obeying him fully. He knows Doc is too proud to actually agree to anything like it, though the throaty moan Doc lets out in response tells Lion unambiguously that he’s imagining it – and actually enjoys the thought. Still, Lion’s thumb strokes reassuringly over the hand he’s still holding.

“Please, I want you, go faster -” Doc’s impatience has reached its peak now, he shoves himself onto Lion’s member in one go and pushes against him, whimpers when Lion gnaws at his neck in retaliation and rises nonetheless, lifting his lover’s body with him. The teasing has left him frantic and exactly how Lion likes it, cheeks red and gaze almost defiant when he glares at the larger man over his shoulder. Lion could spend all day marvelling at the state of him.

Instead, he relents, guides Doc onto his hands and knees and grabs his hips to steady him, fingers brushing over the bruises on Doc’s thigh, the faint purplish tinge an expression of his devotion. “You want it hard?”, he asks and is almost surprised at how breathy his own voice is. Unbridled want is pulsing through him, vicious and blinding, making his digits itch and cock ache.

Doc nods wordlessly and it’s probably good he can’t see the pure joy on Lion’s face over the admission. Even now, even with how familiar they are with each other, every confirmation of the passion, respect and love they share sparks delight.

A sharp snap of Lion’s hips later and his focus is elsewhere again. Now he’s getting serious, drives into Doc at a fast tempo, watches as his entire erection disappears inside him and tries his best not to come on the spot. The abrupt stimulation is almost too much but he keeps going through the discomfort paired with blunt need until he hears himself moan loudly in pleasure, dig his fingertips into Doc’s flesh. He’s not going to last long, that much is clear, but he’s going to make it good regardless.

A few pointed thrusts elicit more dazed whimpering from his lover, a picturesque arch of his back to allow Lion to penetrate him all the way and even another, decidedly more heated glance back at him. They’re both equally into it, tensing and moving against each other amid the sound of skin slapping against skin, the rustling of sheets as Doc desperately seeks support, leverage, anything to hold on to – and Lion shares the sentiment of feeling wholly lost yet not wanting to be found. Ruthlessly, he slams into his lover, chasing his pleasure, helping Doc pursue his own, and makes no effort to hide his enjoyment.

A sudden spike almost pushes him over the edge when Doc’s arms give in, accompanied by something that sounds suspiciously like a keen, and now he’s really pounding him into the mattress, showing him just how deep his desire runs, how comprehensive his attraction is. He can’t even pinpoint which part it is exactly about Doc that drives him this wild, fills him with the urge to claim, mark, embrace and never let go; and he revels in the knowledge of being able to make this otherwise so poised, dignified and professional man fall apart, provoke emotions from him he displays for no one else.

“Come for me”, Lion gasps in between the creaking of the bed, “do it. Come on, amour, Gustave, I want to feel it.” And the sounds he wrenches from Doc’s throat with every thrust get impossibly louder when his lover reaches for his dick, probably not able to keep up with the merciless rhythm with which Lion is driving into him but still good enough. He gets tighter, even more so when Lion’s breath hitches, followed by a growl. He’s getting closer by the second, Doc’s noises and velvety heat making up the perfect catalyst -

And then Doc orgasms, surprisingly quickly for how little he stroked himself, he must’ve been primed, possibly dreamt of Lion and this thought is a whole other turn-on he shelves away for later. Right now, he watches, utterly transfixed, as Doc spasms under him, hips rolling futilely to either increase the intensity or shy away from it as he shoots his sperm in short bursts in between the hard thrusts. Lion fucks him through it, runs one of his palms over the dancing muscles of Doc’s back and shudders at the violent contractions around his throbbing cock; fucks him through the aftershocks, too, tiny jolts which speak of a very satisfying climax. Lion isn’t there yet, however, not fully, teetering on the edge, carefully controlling himself so he can take all of Doc in and -

“Finish inside, Olivier”, Doc demands, voice shaky, and he’s gone.

His abs tense with a delicious kind of pain at the first wave of blissful release washing through him. He buries himself deep inside his lover and moans in disbelief over how abruptly pleasure explodes behind his eyelids and nearly folds in half at the intensity, gasping for air as his cock twitches and probably adding a few bruises to the existing ones. Momentary blindness allows him to be wholly aware of Doc moving against him to milk him for every drop, of overwhelming relief encompassing his entire being as he orgasms, surrounded by scorching heat and momentarily losing all sense of reality.

Coming down is a slow, gradual affair, both of them slumping a little and Lion bending so he can rest his forehead on Doc’s shoulder blade as they both catch their breath, bask in the afterglow and enjoy the feel of shared body heat, companionship and sweet exhaustion. Lion peppers his boyfriend’s shoulder with kisses once he can see straight again, withdraws tentatively and sits up to examine the masterpiece he just fucked into existence in all its glory: shiny skin, reddened cheeks, a gaping hole, dark marks and lovebites, and, after a few seconds, a thin stream of white leaking out.

Lion is definitely unable to get hard immediately after a climax this exquisite but his dick gives a feeble jump at the sight nonetheless. He reaches out and catches the droplets with a fingertip, pushes them back to where they came from, pushes them back inside and earns a quiet moan. Adding another digit, he tries to finger the semen as deep as he can and only pauses when Doc kicks him lightly.

“I’m sore enough as it is”, he complains and rolls to the side when Lion withdraws mournfully, yet there’s a bright smile adorning his face when their eyes meet.

With weak knees, Lion stalks back and forth to get them cleaned up (and is actually amazed Doc doesn’t mention the scratches he himself inflicted) but insists on doing one thing by himself: once he’s taken his rightful place by Doc’s side, entangled their legs and exchanged a few loving kisses, he catches Doc’s wrist to lift it to his face and starts to lick his palm clean.

“You’re like a dog”, his lover murmurs fondly and readily spreads his fingers to allow for better access. “They should’ve called you Husky, not Lion – they’re just as noisy and stubborn.”

Lion shoots him a good-natured grin. “Then you should be called Bunny. What was that about self-control?”

“Oh please, you’re the eternally horny one, mon amour.”

“And yet you never say no.” Their lips meet once more in a long, thorough kiss, with Doc climbing on top of Lion halfway through, ending up straddling him and stroking his face affectionately until Lion mouths at his palm while keeping eye contact.

“You really love my hands”, Doc points out quietly.

It’s true, he does – he loves how steady they are on the job, never making a mistake, never causing harm; loves how they’re calloused and scarred, lots of specks and lines lighter in colour telling tales of hard work; loves how they worship him, how gently they treat him, how warm they are when they touch him.

“I also really love you”, Lion says instead of the million other things he could say instead which would amount to the same thing. He’s learnt his lesson about being honest with himself and others and can’t find it in himself to be embarrassed when his admissions make Doc’s face light up like a Christmas tree. “And your hands do good. They’re your most important tools and I’m thankful every time I feel them.” There’s so much more for which he’s grateful that making a list would take him several days, so he tries to convey all which he’s not divulging explicitly with a heartfelt: “Thank you, Gustave.”

Doc’s features soften and he accepts the notion with one last kiss before getting up. “I’m going to brew us some coffee”, he announces, yet pauses by the bedroom door to catch Lion’s gaze and add, softly: “I love you too, Olivier.”

And while Lion remains in bed for a minute longer, stretched out and encased in soothing warmth coming from within, a distracted smile pulling at the corners of his mouth and most of his body tingling pleasantly, he thinks back to his life no more than a year ago. How unthinkable it was that waking up would become his favourite part of the day. But sometimes, the unthinkable happens all the same.

#rainbow six siege #doc #lion #doc/lion #fanfic #commissions #thank you!!#I couldn't even fit everything in #well at least doc could #HA

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aplpaca · 7 years ago

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1, 19, 20

thanks for asking! (this ended up being hella long so thats why its kinda late)

1: Did you discover that you are autistic early or later in life? How do you think it affected you?i had an “unofficial” diagnosis when i was like 4 (unofficial bc i was “on the spectrum but didnt meet all the criteria for an official diagnosis” aka i could talk and wasnt a boy) but because it was unofficial there wasnt really anything that could be done with it, so it wasnt considered significant and i didnt think much of it.

i didnt actually “figure it out” till towards the end of high school, and what really made me consider it was how much i related to posts by autistic people talking about traits and experiences. and it was super “freeing” i guess cause it was like realizing that id been viewing myself wrong for most of my life? that my difficulties werent because i hadnt “nurtured” them the right way and my interests and talents werent some warped form of compensation. like a mental shift from “im a defective version of other people” to “im a perfectly decent version of myself”.

kinda like if youd been taking care of a “weird bush”, getting confused that it was different from the other ones, and then realized the bush was actually a cactus. but now that you know, you can figure out how to grow a healthy cactus instead of overwatering it in the hopes it will look like a bush

19: What, in your opinion, is the most ridiculous autism myth or stereotype?theres a lot of those but the stereotype of autism being a young white boy thing is definitely up there in terms of perpetuating inequalities like afab people and poc are diagnosed less frequently and misdiagnosed a lot more, especially when theyre not kids anymoreless institutional for this one, but a lot of non-autistic people act like theyre able to intuitively tell if someone is or isnt autistic? when their knowledge is based on one autistic person they know of, or a mix of pop culture and maybe an intro to psych class. like “*person* cant be autistic they do *thing that isnt mutually exclusive to being autistic*” or “are you sure youre autistic cause youre not like my younger brother”

20: How would you describe autism to someone who knows nothing about it?im not exactly sure how to answer this concisely and still give some actual background on being autistic but heres some traits (under the read-more since this is pretty long already)

social interactions

casual conversation comes a lot less naturally for you than for others (like for me it feels kinda like trying to do a card trade when youre deck is out of order or when youre taking too long trying to find the right amount of money to give the cashier)

even if youre pretty sarcastic yourself, you might have trouble recognizing when other people are doing it (maybe responding to them as if they were serious, then realizing it was sarcasm afterwards)

difficulty with timing in conversations - accidentally interrupting a lot or not knowing when to start talking in groups

takes a lot longer for you to make friends than most people, even when actively trying

might have difficulty telling peoples feelings from their facial expressions or tone of voice, may accidentally overstep boundaries as a result

language/expression differences

speaking might not come naturally as a form of expression, might be more comfortable writing or using another method, especially on more personal topics

might be more or less facially expressive than most people (”resting bitch face” or finding it really hard to hide emotions)

might go nonverbal at times (or all the time) - talking feels physically difficult and takes more energy than usual, can happen with stress or just randomly

sensory stuff

hypo or hypersensitivities - more bothered by loud noise or bright light than others, being a lot more sensitive to fabric and clothing, needing certain levels of noise to be comfortable, “picky” eating (especially related to texture), sitting normally in chairs is uncomfortable, more or less reactive to certain smells

stimming because it feels nice, helps focus, relieves stress - fidgeting, Need To Move, leg bouncing, rocking, repeating phrases/noises because they sound/feel nice, hair twirling, feeling certain textures, pressure (heavy blankets, tight clothing, etc),

sensory overload when overstimulated (often in loud/bright/crowded/etc areas), may have trouble processing all information at once, get irritated by small sounds, may get dizzy, can trigger anxiety, restless energy, trouble focusing, places others are fine with may feel very chaotic to you (eg: a mall or supermarket), symptoms lessen when away from situation

various other things

special interests - if you like something you really like it no middle ground (”obsessed or nothing”), avidly pursue more info/content relating to it, feel an intense need to talk about these interests with others, could spend hours a day on these interests without getting bored

executive dysfunction - procrastination, difficulty planning ahead, trouble with time management, distracted easily, trouble staying on task, difficulty multi-tasking, having trouble making yourself do something even when you want to get it done

unexpected events or changes in routine (even small things and even if your schedule is not busy) are stressful, might cause you to freeze up, can take a long time to get used to

auditory processing difficulties - “sorry can you repeat that”, comprehending what someone said when theyre halfway through repeating it, following verbal instructions is hella confusing (“i know what those words mean and i know what that sentence means but i have no clue what im supposed to be doing”)

detail oriented - needing to know specific details and reasons behind things to remember them better, noticing lots of things others dont

good at coming up with unique ideas, different thinking approach leads you to problem-solve in ways others might not

i could write more but ima stop now, i think ive prob info-dumped enough

#autism acceptance #actuallyautistic asks #autism #asks #Anonymous #me

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a-panda-reads-act-omega · 8 years ago

Text

ACT OMEGA PART 9

THE 25/10/16 UPDATE

WOW, third update in one day? I must be extremely bored or something. Anyways, I think we’re just gonna start this up without the big fucking intro part. Lets just. do this.

Come on you gay fucks, make up and KISS.

G U Y S. Also Jake, look at Dirks face not his ass.

OH man Jake looks sad and awkward.

DIRK: (Son of a fuck.) DIRK: (That was you trying to get me to leave you alone, wasn’t it?) JAKE: (I... well.) DIRK: (It’s fine. I get it, finally.) DIRK: (You don’t want anything to do with me, or this awkward dance we’ve been doing around each other.)

No damMIT, don’t leave him alone. you need to MAKE UP. not avoid eachother.

DIRK: (And I was convinced I'd actually try giving you some space so you wouldn’t have to deal with my overbearing bullshit anymore. Yet here I am.) DIRK: (Honestly, I’m not even sure why.) DIRK: (I just had this impulse to try and smooth things over with you by offering some sort of half-assed congratulations.)

You’re on the right track DIRK! You’re almost there, but instead of giving him a shitty congratulations, you need to work out whatever the your problem is dammit.

DIRK: (Sorry for making you uncomfortable for a solid 10 minutes by stringing that conversation along.) DIRK: (I’ll go bother someone else.) JAKE: (Dirk, wait!) DIRK: (What?) DIRK: (You don’t need to humor me. Or worry about hurting my feelings, or whatever.) DIRK: (You’re not obligated to care about any of that anymore.) DIRK: (That ship has sailed.)

A A . AH GH DF Dirk you BUTT, just listen to the fuckin hope child.

pft thanks jake.

JAKE: (Thats not... oh pussyfeathers!) JAKE: (This is exactly the problem!) DIRK: (Uh.) DIRK: (It is?) JAKE: (Im so lousy at saying what i mean and then you put all of these words in my mouth and i have no idea how to make you understand!)

YES JAKE THIS IS PrecISELY THE PROBLEM!

JAKE: (Maybe because i hardly understand myself...) DIRK: (...) JAKE: (This is all so difficult to parse. I am utterly fucking bamboozled by everything thats happened today.) JAKE: (Ive tried to politely get everything to hold its damn horses for perhaps ten friggin minutes but no!) JAKE: (Those stallions shot right out of the gate with forceful gusto and ive been trying to keep from being trampled underneath their thundering hooves this entire time!) JAKE: (There are SO MANY PEOPLE here.) JAKE: (And while im sure theyre all perfectly upstanding folk i have no clue how im supposed to TALK to any of them.) JAKE: (Especially when i cant even bring myself to engage with those whom i actually KNOW.) JAKE: (Because im certain there are a plethora of things i need to apologize for but im still puzzling out what exactly they are.)

Damn, I know the feeling Jake. When you know you’ve done something wrong, and you have no fucking clue what it is, yet somehow that makes you feel even GUILTIER because you think you SHOULD know what you did wrong.

DIRK: (Jake...) JAKE: (Honestly ive been resigning myself to the possibility of never speaking to anyone ever again!) JAKE: (Considering im such a dunce theres no way ill ever be able to figure out how to make things right with you or jane.) JAKE: (And if i badger roxy ill no doubt botch things up with her too somehow.)

Dont be ridiculous Jake, I honestly doubt there’s any way for Roxy to ever hate you.

JAKE: (So whats the point?) JAKE: (Im never going to be a good friend let alone a good anything... more than that.) JAKE: (So ive already accepted that im really just a waste of space and i ought to spend the rest of my life keeping out of everyones way.) DIRK: (Holy shit, Jake. What?) JAKE: (Its just the simplest solution for everyone involved. Im fine with it!)

Jake you BUMFUzZLING BAFOON. COme on, get a goddamn grip on yourself.

JAKE: (I was perfectly willing to mind my own beeswax and allow the rest of you to mind yours and make myself scarce when the opportunity arose.) JAKE: (But then you ambled up to me and put that plan on ice.) DIRK: (Jake.) JAKE: (Which has had me reeling for the past little while let me tell you!) JAKE: (I dont know what to do because im getting the vibe that perhaps you still want to be friends? Though I cant even begin to guess why!) JAKE: (And im so conflicted because theres a part of me that does want to give the whole friendship thing another go even though i know its bound to end in disaster.) DIRK: (Jake-) JAKE: (But if im really going to commit to that mad gamble, it feels like this might be my only real chance to try and patch things up between us!) JAKE: (Except im so blasted TIRED! And even thinking about fumbling through that conversation with all of these people around makes me want to curl up into ball and...) JAKE: (And embarrass myself.) JAKE: (Though attempting to salvage my pride at this point seems a fools errand. Nobody can possibly take me seriously while im NOT WEARING ANY FUCKING PANTS.)

DAMMIT JAKE NOWS NOT THE TIME TO BRING UP YOUR BEAUTIFUL ASS

DIRK: (...) DIRK: (Ok.) JAKE: (Im sorry dirk i just cant right now. I cant. Its too much!) JAKE: (I know its so typical of me to chicken out and disappoint you.) DIRK: (Dude-) JAKE: (Sakes alive i cant believe i just went on and on like that what am i doing???)

You’re VENTING, Jake. It’s perfectly natural and everybody should be able to do it.

DIRK: (Ok!) DIRK: (Jake, I hear you!) DIRK: (You can stop, now.) DIRK: (The fact that you managed to whisper all that was pretty impressive.)

Yeah no shit. Like, how in the fuck was that a whisper?

DIRK: (But let’s take it down a notch. Like, to breathe.) JAKE: (...) DIRK: (Are you ok? Maybe we should sit down or something.) JAKE: (No i... everyone else is standing.) DIRK: (I don’t really care, and nobody else should either. Your legs look like they’re about to give out.) JAKE: (Im really fine and can we please not talk about my legs.)

... dammit jake

DIRK: (Shit, sorry. Sure thing.) JAKE: (But. Maybe sitting isnt such a terrible idea.)

It isnt. its the best idea. sit down and TALK.

There you go, much better. Now dont fall.

DIRK: (Feeling any better?) JAKE: (A smidgen...) JAKE: (Are people looking at us?) DIRK: (Not sure. Probably not. But even so, you aren’t the only one who could use a breather. I’m sure they understand.) JAKE: (Ok...) DIRK: (So.) DIRK: (Sorry for putting words in your mouth. Looks like you already had plenty of your own in there.) JAKE: (...) DIRK: (I mean, like. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m actually kind of glad you told me.) DIRK: (I’m going to be real with you here and say I’m more than a little concerned about some of what you just said.)

Yes, this is GOOD. Dirk’s realizing that MAYBE Jake has problems of his own.

DIRK: (But I get you’re not in a position to talk about it right now. And, hell, there are probably better people to hash that shit out with than me.) DIRK: (You don’t have to say anything else. Especially not about... well, us, I guess.) DIRK: (I don’t know about a lot of the other stuff, but I’m perfectly willing to save opening up that particular can of worms for later.) DIRK: (I’m... probably not ready for that conversation either. So it’s most likely for the best.) DIRK: (Being perfectly frank, I’m also not exactly enthusiastic about this crowd. I’m not really used to having this volume of people around.) DIRK: (And I guess we’re both kind of at a loss when it comes to approaching them all. I demonstrated my lacking conversational chops earlier I think.) DIRK: (I knew it was a bad idea. But I came over here anyway.) DIRK: (Mostly because... I think I just really wanted to talk to you.) DIRK: (I guess old habits die hard.) DIRK: (Or in this case, ridiculously young ones.) JAKE: (Um...) DIRK: (Right. Getting to the point.) DIRK: (Whatever you may be thinking about yourself, I can pretty much guarantee you I don’t agree.) DIRK: (But I’m going to put that aside for now and just say that yeah, I really do still want to be friends.) DIRK: (If there’s some part of you that’s willing to give it a shot, I want you to promise me something.) JAKE: (Ok. What is it?) DIRK: (That you’ll put all that bullshit about cutting ties with everyone aside, at least for long enough to talk about this stuff properly later.)

Good, GOOD, they’re both not being idiots anymore. this is good. because holy shit that was awkward. they’re just gonna work out all their problems, and not be dumb shits over it.

DIRK: (It doesn’t even need to be with me. But just... somebody. I mean, don’t you want to talk to your grandma, dude? You’ve been pen pals for ages. And now she’s right there.) JAKE: (That, um... Yes actually. That does sound nice.) DIRK: (Good.) DIRK: (Maybe we ought to wrap this up, then.) DIRK: (Or am I wrong in thinking you still want some space?) JAKE: (So long as were all on this platform i doubt ill be getting very far with that either way.) DIRK: (True.) JAKE: (What i could really use is a NAP!) DIRK: (I feel that.) DIRK: (But it might have to wait a bit longer.) DIRK: (Think you can manage until then?) JAKE: (Probably?) DIRK: (And just to make things crystal clear...) DIRK: (Until we get our shit together enough to actually talk about, well...) DIRK: (You know what.) DIRK: (Are we cool?) JAKE: (I think so.) DIRK: (Thank fuck.)

Thank fuck indeed. I realize I didn’t say a whole lot during all this, mainly because I’m indifferent to this whole conversation. I’m not realizing anything new about them other than that they were really annoying when they tried avoiding the subjects. in a weird adorable awkward kinda way.

Yes, there we go, fucking SMILE.

DIRK: (C’mon.) DIRK: (Let’s go claim our reward.)

GO get’em tiger.

Alright, that was the end of their interaction! It was a little boring to read over, so that kinda made it tedious. not because the act omega team wrote it bad! i just never really cared much for either of these characters. BUT that’s fine. just personal preference and shit. BUT NOW WE GET A CHARACTER INTERACTMENT IVE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO.

Here we are aN HOLY SHIT JADES EYES. I dont know what it is about them, they just look off.... HMMmm..

JADE: (hey rose?) ROSE: (Oh, hello Jade.)

8D THEY FINALLY MEET

ROSE: (I see you’ve finally woken from your nap.) JADE: (yeah!!! thank goodness!) JADE: (now i can finally give you a proper nice to see you hug!)

OH YES HUG HER NOW JADE

ROSE: (Is that so?) ROSE: (Well, It would be remiss of me to refu-)

8D....

thats the end of this update. I suppose I can ship them next time So yeah, expect a fourth update today.

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #act omega #act omega liveblog #hs act omega #hs act omega liveblog

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bikalsblog · 6 years ago

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Quitting

Humans are so much of what they hide with society. Not saying it in a negative way but it is what it is. We escape the pain and humiliation of our decisions or thread we wool on a daily basis. Its such a beautiful effort yet guilt fills up the most of this cup. Just squeezing out those little drops from a slightly damp cloth we all have.

Here's what has happened. You dont like a job you're doing. Well most of don't. Yet somehow you thought its enough now. On an off day texting your manager on a viber as personal message and saying you are quitting on 2 weeks. That is highly uncomfortable position to be in yet so pleasurable to imagine of. We always want duality. Some two opposite things to happen yet realistically its no where near to be possible. Not wanting to work but getting paid. World's not working in that manner isnt it.

The another difficult task is to give a proper reason why are we quitting. A genuine excuse. I have intentionally written the word 'excuse' else there would be 'A genuine fact'. I mas mailed a response from a bigger company on a easy job than this with a higher salary. To a manager you can lie saying that you've got a managing position on a slightly better workplace than he is at and thank him or her for their influence on you. There is no way they would say not to accept that offer.

Its an awkward situation when you go there to complete your roster till the end with a good feeling to have some good memory even though you lie to yourself sometime saying " I am quitting, why would I care? " All of us like appraisals and have a strong emotion. A girl once cried when it was her last hour at an office after 8 years of working. She made her decision to start walking on a different path but tears did flowed from her eyes. Its at the very last moment you realise this is it, no more ever again. An experience of a tremendous value. Its a wonderful life isnt it.

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itesfashion · 7 years ago

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fashionoutfit6 · 7 years ago

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ladiesfashion25 · 7 years ago

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fairycosmos · 7 years ago

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Today i gave myself such a vivid terrifying daydream that i couldn't calm down. I threw up until there was nothing left to throw up, i havent been able to talk, i flinch when people LOOK at me and worse when im spoken to. I couldnt eat, i couldn't stop shaking, i couldn't do anything normal. I did all this to myself and i couldnt escape it. Its calmed a little now, buti dont know why my brain thinks these things, makes them so real... i just want to end ot to make It stop.. im sorry.

oh man :((( hey don’t apologize, you have nothing to be sorry for. i’m so so sorry to hear that this happened to you, it must’ve been so difficult to go through and i’m genuinely proud of you for managing it. thank you for trusting to me enough to tell me about it btw, i appreciate that a lot. honestly i think it’s really getting to the point where you need to talk to someone about what you’re dealing with, seriously. it’s obviously having a huge impact on your life and your well being, and there’s no shame in putting your own mental state first. you need to get to that point where you’re sick of being sick, where you instinctively know that you have to make a change. the only person that can pull you back from the brink of this is you. even if you just start by telling a friend or a parent about it and then work your way up to making an appointment with a doctor or a counselor, every little step you take is an achievement. i understand that it’s a lot easier said than done. i totally get that asking for help feels like one of the most difficult things in the world. and it’s okay, it’s okay to be scared and anxious and to not know what to do next. they’re just feelings, temporary emotions that will pass in time. and whatever else comes your way, you don’t have to go through it all by yourself. you are not alone and you have more options than you think you do, love. i’m not saying seeing a professional is going to instantly make everything better, that’s not how it works. but it’s genuinely a good place to start, and it won’t be anywhere near as bad as you think it’s going to be. they won’t make you talk about things you’re uncomfortable with right away, they’ll allow you to take it at your own pace. they just want to help, and they can if you let them. you don’t have to fight yourself anymore. you’re allowed to give in, you’re allowed to lean on other people. just please don’t let your mind convince you that therapy is a pointless or a waste of time. confronting the issue and finding out the root cause of why you feel the way that you do is the main way to overcome it, you know? and a professional can offer you healthier coping mechanisms, a consistent person to talk to, and specialized guidance and advice. never underestimate just how crucial it is to look out for yourself. you have to look at it the same way you’d look at having a physical illness - you wouldn’t just leave it and expect it to get better on its own. you’d see a professional and give yourself the care that you need. and even if you can’t see a doctor or a counselor for some reason, there are also many mental health groups and organizations that can offer a network of support. i’m sure you’d be able to find some in your area if you googled it. like i said before, you have options. you aren’t a lost cause and you can get through this, i promise. you’re so much stronger than you realize. you can make it stop by talking to people. you are in control of what you do next, even if it doesn’t feel that way.

the bottom line is this - do you want things to change, or do you want things to stay the same? is asking for help scarier than just silently letting it get worse? of course not. i know words feel incredibly futile and empty when you’re feeling so horrible, but please try and take some of it to heart. i care about you and i need you to know that there is so much more to you, and so much more to the world, that what you’ve been through so far. you’re in pain, and you’re afraid and anxious and confused but you won’t always be. it’s not going to feel this way forever, though your brain will probably try to tell you otherwise. but you’re stronger than that, you’re stronger than the negative thoughts and emotions and you can learn to manage them in time. there are a lot of people out there can relate to what you’re going through, a lot of people who have gotten through what you’re going through because they did what was right for them. you are not crazy or weird for feeling the way you do, and it would probably surprise you how common experiences like this are. please, consider talking to somebody. you are going to be okay, even if you find that really hard to believe. i have so much faith in you, i just hope you learn to believe in yourself and your own ability to make the best choices for your own mental health. i’m going to leave a few links that may help, check them out if you have the time. i’m always here if you need someone to talk to, or if you need a friend. just hmu!! i hope you feel better soon. you deserve all of the warmth and happiness in the world.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-power-daydreaming/201003/dealing-worry-based-fantasies-and-daydreams

https://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/treatment/relaxation

http://www.anxieties.com/57/panic-step4#.WfeVOWi0PIU

https://www.reflectiveresolutions.com/asking-for-help-anxiety-depression/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201708/anxiety-isnt-the-problem-your-response-is

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