#and it definitely doesnt mean Dick hated Jason and Jason believed Dick hated him

[bigskydreaming]

So obviously, like, I make a big deal out of Dick Grayson’s intentions when naming himself Robin in the first place, and how it was meant as an homage and tribute to his parents and the generations of Flying Graysons before them, and that’s a huge part of the reason he was so pissed when Bruce gave it away without consulting him and why its kinda messed up that everyone characterizes Tim as massively resenting Dick for making Damian Robin, etc, etc....

But okay, like....Dick Grayson was most other child heroes/sidekicks’ inspiration, not to mention Jason and Tim’s (though Tim of course was just as influenced by Jason’s turn as Robin, if not more).

And then, my problem is...whenever talk of inspirations and legacies and mantles and all that comes up, the question becomes - who inspired Dick in the first place?

Because, I mean....the answer isn’t Batman.

THAT’S why the origins of the Robin persona are so important, because like, Dick wasn’t inspired to become a hero, the KIND of hero he was, because of Bruce. He just wasn’t. He loves, respects and admires Bruce of course, sure, that’s a given. But one of the primary characterizations of Dick across ANY canon or medium is that he’s NEVER wanted to be Batman. He HATES it when he has to wear Bruce’s mantle. Not because he doesn’t respect it or what it stands for, but because its not him, and it never was.

THAT’S why he was never Batboy, never modeled himself as a younger version of his mentor like Kid Flash, Aqualad, Wonder Girl, Speedy, etc all did. Because he wanted to work with Bruce, sure, he wanted to be a hero like Bruce, as in a person who does heroic stuff and helps and protects people.....but not in the ways Bruce did it, and not for the reasons or with the intentions that Bruce had for his own costumed persona. Robin was specifically created to be everything Batman wasn’t, because Dick, being one of the many survivors of tragedies in Gotham who fell through the cracks and would have been left behind and swallowed up by the system if not for a hero’s intervention.....Dick was aware of how catching the bad guys and putting them away, seeing justice served, like, it was important, but it wasn’t THE most important thing. Not to everyone. 

Catching the bad guys only fixes a tiny part of what happened. It was Bruce’s solution to things - from the second the Graysons died, that was his answer, that was what he was sure was going to help Dick move on......but Bruce’s answer wasn’t Dick’s answer. Catching or killing Tony Zucco wasn’t ever going to help Dick heal or move on, because the murder of his parents was only PART of his personal tragedy. The other part was how it resulted in him being ripped away from everything he knew and everyone else he loved, never allowed to go back to the life he’d always intended to live, growing up performing and entertaining alongside his family, like all their family before them....instead forced to change basically everything about himself in order to fit into a structured life of routines he found boring and pointless and not remotely what he wanted out of life.

Robin was Dick’s answer to all that. Being Robin was the only thing that allowed Dick to heal, because it was the one and only way in which he got to take back a piece of control over his own life. If he couldn’t go back to his past, to the circus, to his family, then he’d bring all that into the present with him, carry it forward. Continue his family’s traditions in the only way he could think of now, fighting crime alongside Batman in the signature colors of the Flying Graysons, remaining true to that title by swinging from grappling lines rather than a trapeze....but still committed to the same work his family had made their livelihood for generations, the same work he’d always intended to continue in some form himself: making peoples’ lives better, just by his presence. 

Entertaining, performing, not out of insecurity or to cover things up, but because that was what he’s always seen himself as born to do. To leave people a little happier than they were when they first encountered them. Cheering up the victims of crimes with his jokes and laughter and brightness while Batman dourly scouted for clues and conferred with the police. Giving them a reason to smile even on what might have been the worst day of their lives, otherwise. Making jokes and puns while fighting the bad guys, his own way of pushing back against the darkness of Gotham - by laughing at villains of the day, by refusing to let someone like the Joker be the only one who had any reason to laugh in Gotham.

And not one bit of that came from Batman. Bruce didn’t inspire Robin, didn’t inspire Dick - Batman only gave Dick an example of how his past, his skills, his purpose in life could be adapted to allow him to continue on in the spirit of his family, to ensure they lived on through him, not just in body but in spirit as well. Zucco, the system, they could take the boy out of the circus, but he refused to let them take the circus out of him before he was damn good and ready. They could physically keep him away from a trapeze and out of the center ring of a circus, but no one was going to tell Dick Grayson when he was or wasn’t allowed to be a Flying Grayson, with everything that entailed.

Except....that’s exactly what Bruce ended up doing.

And that’s why I will always call that a greater betrayal than anything that happened with any of the Robins since, despite any of their (usually still quite valid) issues with how the mantle ended up passed on from them. Because Dick was no different from any other sidekick or child hero in that he built his identity as a hero around the heroes who inspired him to follow in their footsteps....its just that for him, those heroes were his parents. They were the ones Robin was trying to imitate, live up to, make proud. That’s why Dick always insisted on being called Bruce’s partner and not his sidekick. Sure, he absolutely loved being Bruce’s partner, but that doesn’t mean that ultimately that wasn’t just a means to an end for him....a way to ensure he was allowed to keep going out at night doing what he damn well intended to do anyway. He wanted to work WITH Bruce but he never wanted to BE Bruce. Because he already had a concrete vision of who he wanted to be like, who he wanted to be.

(And of course, this is also why I always get so annoyed with the take that Bruce didn’t bring up adopting Dick earlier in life because he didn’t want to replace his parents, he was trying to respect Dick’s feelings towards them, etc.....because uh.....that doesn’t really track, considering that co-opting the Robin identity and annexing it as part of the Batman identity, BRUCE’S to take and then dole out as he wished.....like, hello, dumbass, what did you think telling a kid that you were forbidding him from using HIS mother’s nickname, HIS family’s colors, etc, like....what the hell do you even call that other than replacing Dick’s parents and disrespecting Dick’s connection to them - you pretty much literally told him there that screw who inspired it and what his reasons for being Robin were, Robin still only existed according to Bruce’s say-so).

Anyway. And yeah, that’s also why I’m eternally grumpy at the usual fandom take that Tim does and should resent Dick for ‘taking Robin away’ and giving it to Damian, because....a) that’s not really what happened, Dick literally said that he couldn’t treat Tim like a sidekick because he saw them as equals, that it was time for Tim to figure out his own identity and see who he was outside of Robin, who he’d become thanks to his time in that role.

And also b) because.....like, it was Dick’s right, like it or not. That situation WASN’T comparable with Bruce taking it from Dick in the first place, or giving it to Jason, because the problem there wasn’t that it happened at all, it was that Robin wasn’t Bruce’s to take, or restrict, or regulate, let alone give away. Fire Dick from being his partner, yeah, sure, whatever. But telling him to hang up the last vestige of his family and former life that Dick had managed to hold onto all this time despite every attempt to take it away from him? And that’s the difference with what happened with Tim, because Dick was clear - this had nothing to do with his respect for Tim’s abilities or not thinking he was good enough to fight at his side, it was about thinking Tim was TOO good to be stuck JUST fighting at Dick’s side. 

And while Tim is completely justified in feeling any way he wants about not being Robin anymore, it was after all a huge part of his own identity.....like.....you don’t get to resent the guy who created it to preserve his own heritage and family identity, for having the nerve to think like....it should be up to him who wears it and when and why. If that doesn’t work for someone, if Jason or Tim had a problem with the idea that Dick specifically should always have more of a say in where the Robin mantle goes, like....that’s valid! BUT in the sense of like....they could’ve insisted on making their own identity/mantle in order to be Bruce’s partner/sidekick, if they didn’t want the originator of THAT particular mantle to have more of a right to it and its succession, ultimately.

Especially because the whole reason Dick made Damian Robin was he recognized that Damian needed it, in the same way he had needed it. Jason becoming Robin had nothing to do with Dick, and Tim approached Dick with his own perception of Robin and what it meant already firmly cemented in his mind - Robin was the light to Batman’s darkness, a necessary flip side of the coin that balanced Bruce out and kept him focused. Again, its totally valid for Tim to view Robin as whatever he viewed it as, for it to mean whatever it meant to him.....the problem is in acting like Dick’s perception of it should ever reflect that, or be altered to include that, or become less important than Tim or other Robins’ take on it as time went on. Not when Dick made it as a time capsule for his family and history, to make sure that WASN’T forgotten just because there were no more Flying Graysons on the trapeze anymore. 

So when you factor in that for Dick, Robin always meant family and always will mean family, his offering it to Damian was him doing the only thing he knew of that would give Damian a reason to stay, now that Bruce was dead. Robin was the only thing in the world that Dick had, that didn’t come from Bruce. As Bruce’s son, Damian was already entitled to anything that they inherited from Bruce, the same as his brothers....anything Dick gave Damian that came from Bruce originally, Damian honestly would’ve been justified in saying he had just as much right to it as Dick already. It wouldn’t have meant anything. Robin meant something though, because it was Dick making clear to Damian that he wanted him to stay, not just because Dick felt obligated to Bruce, to take care of Damian....but instead, Dick was saying he didn’t view it as obligation, he was offering Damian the one part of HIS family, Dick’s family, that Damian WASN’T already entitled to, by being part of Bruce’s.

Because Robin is a family tradition, always was. Its just not a WAYNE family tradition. Its just the latest version of the Flying Graysons, and thus all of Dick’s brothers became honorary Flying Graysons in his eyes the second he affirmed that they were Robin now, that he was okay with it, that he wanted them to be.

And you just....can’t cut out that one connection you have to the family with generations of history behind the mantle, that inspired it, that is the entire reason it exists for you to take up in the first place. Like, if you want to be part of a legacy, specifically, as in, you want to take up where a predecessor left off, you want to continue something that someone else started INSTEAD of starting something of your own, even something in a similar spirit and clearly inspired by it....well, you don’t get to pick and choose which parts of the legacy are worth acknowledging. Especially not when the person who created the mantle in the first place, specifically to carry on with his family’s legacy, is still around to have his own opinion on who currently needs it most.

Like don’t get me wrong. I love every single one of the Robins, including Stephanie, but in a comic book universe where the entire concept of legacies is given so much focus and priority, Robin ends up being a very weird outlier in that its originator and inspiration is only given as much weight as fans of his successors feel like giving at any given moment. Nobody ever writes fic or headcanons around the idea that upon Bruce coming back from the dead, he’d have just....no opinion on who should be Batman, let alone any right to have an opinion on that. Y’know? And again, its made all the more frustrating given that Robin’s the one mantle in the DC ‘verse that was created by its original holder as an homage/tribute to his family’s memory, rather than emblematic of some abstract idea or ideal.

*Shrugs* So yeah, I find myself very much in disagreement with most everyone in fandom on this one particular subject lol. Because I love Tim too! I do! And I’m definitely not saying that the other Robins weren’t just as iconic as Dick, just as deserving as the title or whatever, like I definitely don’t mean that any of them weren’t AS much Robin as Dick was.

Just that from an IN universe perspective, viewed from the POV of the characters, I think it just ends up being very skewed for any of the later Robins to act like they’re entitled to MORE say over Robin than Dick himself, when he’s the only connection any of them have or ever WILL have, to the ultimate origin and inspiration for it and everything its come to mean.....and that’s just....not Batman.

Its the Flying Graysons.

[dairy-farmer]

No because “sweet is the lullaby over your nest” was my personal favorite because of how gut wrenching it was. It was beautiful and the reactions to the reveal in the last chapter was my absolute favorite of how Bruce is torn between the father and Batman

I don’t think Tim will ever be able to get beyond chilly civility with Jason and probably would never let him near his baby

Jason being the thing he hates and I wanted his blood and complete devastation throughout the entire fic. I don’t think the family will ever be able to fully forgive him

Dick trying to be a better brother and he has doubts but never wanting to acknowledge them trying to believe in the best of his brothers then when the truth comes out tries to protect Tim picking a side.

But my favorite was Barbara because she was to closest to the truth the outsider looking in and seeing Tim’s perspective not caring that Bruce is trying to be blind to the worst but correct conclusion. The fact that she also point of Jason’s hypocrisy over his actions against Tim was refreshing seeing how everyone else tries to brush it off as the past. She was the one who warned Bruce against his actions

The ending the cliff hanger of what would be the family’s reaction be how they would be able to move on from this revaluation Bruce falling apart was perfection

Favorite piquancy fic

thank you!!!! wow!! thank you so much i'm so happy you liked it!!!! it means a lot to hear your kind words 🥰🥰🥰

and yeah you're right, in terms of how it plays out in the future it's a very very very slim chance of tim and jason ever getting to a point where they can be somewhat civil. i think the only thing that would push tim to treat jason with some amiability is once danny grows up and starts asking questions. even then tim will not tell danny that jason is his father and if he ever asks he'll just say something like 'dad is out of the picture but it's okay because momma loves you more than there are stars in the sky'. jason is completely out of the picture. he doesnt come to danny's soccer games, to his first day of school, his graduation, him going off to college. he gets none of that out of a mix of tim not wanting him there and jason not wanting to disrespect tim's wishes because he's the bad guy here, he's not owed anything much less from tim.

tim is willing to compromise for the job. he'll work with jason if he has to but not when it comes to danny which he absolutely draws the line. jason is dead to him on that end and the family quickly learns that if they're not okay with that, then they'll be dead to tim too. it's a tense situation, a very walking on eggshells thing. everyone know that if its going to work they're going to have to deal with all the ugly parts. jason's guilt and feeling of injustice would definitely hit him hard because it's not just him learning about what he did while under the influence of the pit, it's seeing the results. the disgust and sickness he feels is indescribable and it makes him want to cry and it makes him want to throw up.

he's not that person he isn't, and he tells himself that everyday for weeks afterward because he's in a haze and in denial and telling himself that even at his lowest, at his angriest- he'd have never done that. but the truth is that he did (the evidence is right there). it was with the influence of the pit but he still did it. something inside him had the potential to do that and he acted on it and he's never wanted to rip his skin off more, he's never wished that he'd stayed dead more. he hates himself because he's trying to rationalize it, justify it just like those pigs who have one too many drinks at the bar and then go home and touch their daughters. 'oh it was the pit! i'm not me when i have too much devil juice in me!'

jason despises himself, he can't look at himself because it was still him. maybe a bit twisted and carved up but it was his hands, his face, his mind. it was him. all him. he did it.

i didn't delve into it much but the amount grief, the hatred, the realization it definitely send jason into a spiral which makes him feel worse because what if he does it to someone else someone innoce-(tim was innocent tim was innocent how could he have ever thought he wasn't?). given his tenuous connection to the family, the only person i can imagine him reaching out to for support to is roy. telling him what he learned, what he did. roy has a lot of experience with the feelings that jason must be feeling and i think he'd help him a lot coming to terms with the guilt, accepting what he did, and knowing that he could spend the rest of his life trying to make up for what he did and even then neither he or tim may ever forgive him. he has to play it by ear, because up until that point tim had told no one about danny (had he though jason would hurt the kid if he knew? and the thought just sends jason down a whole other path of self flagellation).

i don't think jason ever forgives himself. i think tim learns to live, learns to accept what happened and try to move past it with his baby- he regresses, has bad days where it feels fresh but most days he has are happy. but jason never forgives himself for not remembering, for not being able to ever truly know what he did (because he won't ask tim, he will not put him in that position).

bruce i think is similar to jason in which he never truly forgives himself for not seeing, for failing tim, for failing jason. it all comes back to him that if he'd found jason sooner, if he'd just been better then tim wouldn't have gotten hurt and jason wouldn't have to live with the knowledge that he did what he did.

dick also has a hard time processing but ultimatly decide to lend as much support as he can to tim. that's who he is worried about more. (it's a bit cruel, tragic even that jason is suffering so horribly but isn't determined to be someone who deserves support or aid but like i said this is a really bad situation for everyone). a commenter on the fic had said they hope that dick ends up as a sort of fill-in dad for danny and i think this is how it would play out somewhat. dick is there when tim can't be, dick tries to put in the effort and earn back the trust he knows he's lost after all that happened.

barbara is definitely someone who deserves a lot of credit. i think if she'd been present after titan's tower she would've picked up on something. bruce and dick were chasing after jason but she'd always been an in-the-moment thinker and i think she would've seen something in tim that got her concerned. when she learns about what happened i think she'd be sad, because it's a horrible situation and as much as she'd expressed some annoyance with jason for his comments in the cave she'd feel bad for him. because she knows he's not a horrible person but he still did this horrible thing (not in his right mind and that's a slipper slope to be on, justifying vs taking accountability. blaming vs being blameless. at fault vs innocent). it's a massive gray area of justice and since they all work in pursuit of justice it would definitely be difficult. she feels for jason and for tim and all she can do is try to to be there and help pick up the pieces.

danny i think figures it out years down the line when he's much much much older. from there i think he makes the decision of wanting to reach out and see who jason is or to stay and remain content with the mother who cared for and loved him despite how he was conceived. how that turns out though wel...ill leave it up for interpretation.

thank you so much for your kind words!!!! it means a lot to hear that this was your favorite fic !!! 🥰🥰🥰

[scaryscarecrows]

Roots and Leaves, Pt. 8

All done!

“-son. Master Jason.”

Fuck, Alfred’s dead? The end is extremely fucking nigh.

But, if he’s going to be selfish (which got him into this, you’d think he’d learn)…at least he has company in…wherever this is.

His hands still hurt, though, which he finds very unfair.

“You are no better at feigning unconsciousness than you were at fifteen, sir.”

He’s not tryin’ to…

Why does Death look like his old bedroom. Is this some sorta ‘ease into it’ area?

“There you are.”

“Alfie?”

Alfred hasn’t changed one bit. Jason will bet that his mustache hasn’t even grown, or shed a hair, or anything.

“How are you-”

Alfred.

He hugs him and he hasn’t changed, not one goddamn bit. Alfred hugs him back, one hand cupping his neck and the other moving firmly up and down his spine. Alfred’s here, everything’s gonna be okay, at least for another minute…

The hand on his spine moves and his head’s tilted up with a soft, “Oh, my boy.”

It’s over. Any dignity he had is gone. He presses his face against Alfred’s chest (fabric softener Earl Grey home) and doesn’t even try to pretend he’s not crying. He’s never been able to keep anything from Alfred anyway.

“M’sorry.”

“Oh, my boy,” Alfred says again, and those sturdy hands press against his head and neck. “There is nothing to apologise for.”

He tries to take a few deep breaths, to get himself under control for fuck’s sake, and can’t. He can’t do it anymore.

But Alfred is a literal saint, and he doesn’t try to coax him to talk or to sit up or to do anything at all, even after his jacket must be soaked through. He just sits there, marginally more slumped than he usually is, and rubs a hand in slow, steady circles over Jason’s shoulders.

At some point, he senses a presence in the doorway, but before he can straighten up it’s gone again and now, without that motivation, it’s easier to just stay here where it’s safe and warm.

He eventually runs out of tears but his face is now wet and swollen and hot. His nose feels like it’s swollen shut and he’s been reduced to careful, thought-out breaths that rattle in his throat and burn in his chest. Sitting up is too much work.

Alfred props him up anyway and rubs a cool washcloth over his face before letting him take it and hold it against his now-puffy eyelids.

“That’s it, Master Jason.” If Bruce is Sherlock Holmes, then Alfred is Watson. They don’t deserve him. “That’s it. Deep breaths, there we are.”

“M’sorry, Alfie,” he forces out, voice strangled. “M’sorry-”

“That’s enough of that.”

“But-”

“I won’t hear any more of that.” Oh, boy. That’s the ‘you’re on thin ice and should just shut up’ voice. Even now, it’s scary and he doesn’t have the courage to go against it.

A straw presses against his lips-limeade-and Alfred continues, a little gentler now, “I cannot imagine that you purposefully buried yourself for any reason, Master Jason. Am I correct?”

He laughs. He can’t help it. It sounds so nice put like that.

“No. No, I…I didn’t. I didn’t.” He is not going to start crying again. He refuses. Sheila flashes behind his eyes, blonde and blue and red, and he presses the washcloth down hard enough to hurt. “I…she s-said. She said she was out. Sh-she said she was out, Alfred, I thought…just once…”

“From the beginning, Master Jason.” Calm, but making it very clear that he doesn’t have a choice. “Who is ‘she’?”

He swallows, knows he’s imagining something squirming at the back of his throat. Alfred waits.

“Sheila Haywood,” he finally whispers. “I…Bruce’s files…she might have been my mother.”

He doesn’t have to look to know Alfred’s got that little frown between his eyebrows, the one that says he’s deeply upset. Jason presses the washcloth tighter against his eyes, sparking colors, and his wrist is tugged at until the colors die off.

“I just…she approached me, Alfie, I swear, I didn’t…I just thought…” He swallows again, forces himself to let the washcloth fall to his lap. “M’tired of bein’ second choice, Alfred.”

He doesn’t have time to brace himself before he’s pulled back down and somehow…folded…so that he’s tucked against Alfred’s chest like he’s thirteen again and still fits.

“Jason Peter Todd,” Aw, shit. “you have never been second choice, do you understand?”

But…

Look. He’s very well aware that he wouldn’t be here if Dick hadn’t had that fallout with Bruce. And oh, boy, has he ever learned the Joys of Being the Second Child-‘Dick did this’, ‘Dick did that’, and on and on and on. He’s come to terms with that fact, it’s fine, whatever.

But arguing that point (or any point) with Alfred is a Bad Idea.

And. And he’s here, now, because Bruce…Bruce came to pick him up, when he asked. So. That means something, doesn’t it?

His head hurts.

Alfred sighs at his non-answer but lets it go for the time being.

“What happened with Miss Haywood?”

He’s not moving. He’s staying right here until this is all over.

“Some moron tried to hold up the grocery store…”

* * *

Jason feigns sleep for the rest of the day, until Bruce is out on patrol. Sneaking past the Batman isn’t impossible, but it’s definitely hard and with his hands almost completely useless, well…

The last thing he wants or needs is a lecture on Trust and Rushing Into Things and Dammit, Jason, This is What Got You Captured by the Joker. He knows that, thanks, Bruce.

(And yeah, okay, he knows lectures are Bruce’s way of saying I Love You, but some people swear a punch to the face is an I Love You, so.)

Sneaking past Alfred, on the other hand…now that really is impossible.

He’s halfway down the stairs when there’s an irritated, “A-HEM,” from behind him. Crap.

“I was thirsty?”

Alfred gets this expression that Jason will swear means he’s envisioning smacking him upside the head with a rolled-up newspaper. Yeah. Okay. Game’s up.

“I just…I need some time,” he says, eyes fixed on a knot in the wooden banister. “I can’t face him, Alfred, not now.”

Not for a long time, probably. Not without a massive blow-up on both sides and it’s better if no one else is around to be caught in that crossfire.

And besides. Right now, he just…his apartment may be kinda crappy, but it’s not haunted by a stupid kid who swore up and down that

“Being Robin gives me magic!”

“This is the best day of my life.”

There’s too many ghosts in this house.

Alfred comes forward and pats his shoulder.

“At least permit me to provide you with a few easy-to-reheat meals.”

“I’m okay-”

“Humor an old man.”

That is a trap. That is a trap, it’s just better to nod and neither protest or nor agree. And he’s got time, before Bruce gets back.

“Thanks, Alfred.”

“Hm.”

He’s ushered towards the kitchen. It hasn’t changed a bit-still homey and warm and with those same comfy stools by the counter. He remembers having after-school snacks there and chattering a mile a minute about ‘so Mister Pierce set his desk on fire in chemistry and it was so cool I gotta try that y’think B’ll let me-?’

“If I hear one word about you being out before those hands have healed, there is no power on Heaven or Earth that will spare you, is that clear?”

He believes. He believes.

“Yeah.”

“Good.” An icebox appears out of nowhere. “Do you need a ride?”

“No, I, uh…I called an Uber. I didn’t think I could drive.”

“Wise choice.” Alfred sets the icebox down and grips Jason’s arms. “You will always have a home with us, Master Jason. Remember that.”

He is not going to start crying again. He is not.

“Thanks, Alfred.”

* * *

The Uber guy is more interested in his radio than in Jason and that’s just fine. It means he’s not going to pester him, which means that he can twist around to watch Wayne Manor shrink into the distance through back window.

When he gets home, he opens his e-mail. Nothing new, but Sheila’s are still there. He deletes most of them.

But.

He can’t. Even now, after everything, he can’t bring himself to hate her. Not really.

He moves the remaining few to his ‘save it’ folder, where he won’t open them by mistake, and goes outside for a cigarette. Lighting it’s a pain, and there’s a few minutes that he’s terrified that he’s going to light the bandages on his hands on fire, but he manages it, in the end, and leans on the railing to watch the cars go by below.

In another unit, he can hear Mz. Melinda May cackling and a handful elderly voices swearing and demanding she be thrown out. Maybe he’ll go over there tomorrow, make sure she hasn’t downloaded a crap-ton of computer viruses again. (And yeah, okay, he wants to know about the yelling.)

There’s a sudden movement in the shadows across the street and he goes inside, turns on the TV. He’s halfway through an episode of Chopped when a red bar pops up on the bottom saying, Batman recaptures Harley Quinn, more at eleven.

A knot in his chest he didn’t realize was there loosens up and he pulls his blanket tighter around his shoulders.

“Thanks, B.”

THE END

[rason-rodd]

SUP! Seeming as requests are open could I PRETTY PLEASE request a Jason X reader fic? Maybe it could have Jason taking the reader out on a date somewhere. And he’s really awkward and dorky because HE DOESNT KNOW HOW TO DATE-. And maybe like super overly protective and the reader is so chill about it coz he’s just so adorkable >///

There you go. 100% fluff and funny. I hope you’ll like it ;-)

Warning: Language, Mention of alcohol, violence and sex.

An Adorkable Moron (Jason Todd x Reader)

“Start with the wide end of the tie on the right and the small end on the left. The tip of the small end should rest slightly above your belly-button…”

Hands struggling with the silk dark red tie, Jason’s blue eyes were occasionally glancing towards the screen of his computer to check if he was doing great. He was grumbling, frustrated, impatient and above all … stressed. How could a Windsor knot be that complicated, for fuck’s sake?

“ You have to be kidding me.” He heard an all too familiar snickering voice by the door and closed briefly his eyes to mumble a inaudible curse. Then, he glowered at the red-haired woman leant against the door frame that had dared disturb him. If his eyes could have killed, then Artemis Grace would be fucking dead by now… and possibly turned to ashes too. “You’re going to tell me that you can load and unload a gun in few seconds but you can not tie a tie.” “ I can tie a tie. I’m just … rusty.” He confessed as he let the fabric fall between his hands.Artemis chuckled briefly but eventually approached to help him. “There. Give it to me. Before you start sweating in your pathetically ironed black shirt.”“ What are you talking about? It’s perfectly ironed.” She glanced up at him as she knotted the tie around his neck with a look that meant everything. “I thought your butler would have taught you how to pass for a gentleman.” “Well he did teach me a few things but I never truly listened.”    “There. All done.” She said as she adjusted the tie. “Now you definitely look like a penguin.”“ What?” He replied, obviously offended. “Yeah. But I’m guessing if you’re bringing your date to the Ice Lounge Bar that it should be fine.”       “ Grayson advised me on the clothes to wear tonight.”  “ Okay A/ Did he tell you to look like a member of Green Day with a pitchfork up your bottom? B/ As far as I know, he’s not a fashion icon.”         “ Alright” Jason sighed, pitching the bridge of his straight nose. “Three things. One, it’s a poker up your ass, Ar. Two, since when do you know Green Day? and three, You’re right.”         “ Of course I am … and don’t you ever underestimate my knowledge of your edgy musical taste again.” Jason shrugged and decided to stop he conversation right there. He knew he would not have the last word. “Where are you taking her/him anyway tonight?”     “ Remember the restaurant I brought you on Valentine’s day?”       Artemis’ green eyes widened in shock. “ You men are so lame.”

So he changed everything. No more stupid tie. Black shirt, fine but with a pair of jeans. “Be yourself … I mean, sort of.” His Amazon friend had said. Sort of? What did ‘sort of’ mean?”     A bouquet in his hands, he walked up the steps leading to your apartment three by three as he cleared his throat, trying to think of the things he would say when you open the door. “You look gorgeous, tonight. No ravishing? Too much? Splendid? No … Shit” And for a second he wished he was Dick. He wished he had some real self-confidence and not this ridiculous insecurity hidden behind his bad boys looks. He wished he had that soft and charming perfectly white smile that would allow him to stay quiet and still be sure to have the chance to go on a second date.  He wished he had that same lame humour that inexplicably made every girl laugh and not this deadpan sarcasm. Actually, he wished there was no date at all.

He hated dates! He hated first dates even more. He had been on three dates in his all life and not even once had it been a success. Artemis. Isabel. Essence (what is a date?). All failures! He had never brought the girl back home. Meeting someone in a bar, around a nice beer and chat that was more his thing. Not this wooing stuff.

Jason sighed and finally rang at the door. His hands were so sweaty. Why were they sweaty? “Damn it” He wiped them quickly on his jeans, placing the bouquet between his legs, and you opened the door with a grin, catching him off guard. “Hi. You’re early.”             “Hi. You’re…” He looked for his words until you cut him short. “Not ready. Sorry.” You smiled confused. “But come in.” You waved him to enter and he did.

A hand in his pocket and the other tightened around the bouquet, you could tell he was a bit uncomfortable. He looked around the place, not by curiosity … well, maybe a little … but also because he didn’t dare look at you. Because if he looked at you then he would have to say something and right now he had no clue what to say. “They are for me?” You pointed at the flowers. He glanced quickly at the flowers and handed them to you even faster. “Yeah.” You took them and smell them. “ They are beautiful. Thank you.”“They didn’t really appreciate the ride.” He grimaced.            “ They are perfect. You didn’t have too” You said to reassure him as you put them in a flowerpot. “What don’t you sit on the couch while I finish getting ready?” You proposed.“Yeah.” He tried to smile. Instead he had a weird sneer. You chuckled and disappeared towards your bedroom.           “ Make yourself at home. I won’t be long.” You yelled.  “ No problem.” Yeah, right. No problem, my ass.            Jason sat on the couch and started tapping on his thighs. He knew he had to relax, that it was going to be fine. But right now, he had that poker in his ass –or pitchfork, as Artemis would say, since it was hurting like a bitch – and he couldn’t get rid of it. “Stop acting so scared, Jason. You’re a man. You’re the Red Hood.” He whispered.“ You can put some music on if you want” He heard you scream from your bedroom.Wait? Was it a test? Were you testing his tastes? His eyes widened. “No it’s okay. I’m cool.” “ You don’t like music?” You asked trying to make him talk a little bit.     “ Sure I do.” He answered very fast. “ What do you like?” You rummaged in your closet looking at your clothes, not knowing what would be really appropriate for tonight, what would send the right message. The one that meant “We’re doing this date thing but I know it’s completely useless and hey! We should kiss already.” This shirt? Too see-through. You don’t wanna him to believe you want a one-night stand. This one? Turtle neck really? What are you? A nun/priest?            “ Many things.” He mumbled as he observed the apartment to find a clue on what you liked. Hopefully the Spotify page was opened. He scrolled. Last titles played. “ Ariana Grande.”

You frowned. He liked Ariana Grande? “Really?”            “ Yeah. ‘No tears left to cry’ is great” He declared from the living room. “Demi Lovato, too.” You almost dropped your top. Was he reading your roommate’s playlist? You shook your head with a mocking laugh and came back into the living room. “Didn’t know you liked popular music.”         “ You look perfect” He said without thinking. You blushed slightly, definitely not insensitive to the compliment. “You’re not bad yourself.” He scratched his skull, keeping his distance.            “ So where are we going?”         “ I had booked a table in a fancy restaurant in Centre Gotham but Artemis made me cancel saying that I was lame or something like that.” You frowned. “You don’t wanna know why. So I was thinking that we could ride to Blüdhaven and stroll by the harbour and maybe have something to eat. I took a helmet for you and …” You smiled, touched by his embarrassment and his unexpected romanticism. “… or we can go elsewhere if you prefer.”            “ That sounds like a good idea to me.” You admitted, sincerely. He smiled like a little boy. You could tell he was so happy you agreed and yet so stressed.

Once outside, you followed him to his bike and he handed you a helmet and a leather jacket that was way too big. You put them on and he double-checked if the helmet fitted you. “We’re never safe enough.”   You chuckled, finding him irresistibly cute. “Look at you, all protective.”           “ I’m serious. Security is not a joke” He put down the visor to annoy you and it worked. “Hey!” You grumbled to make him laugh a bit, hoping that he would loosen up a little but it didn’t. “Come on. Sit behind me.” He said as he got on the bike. You obeyed and wrapped your hands around his chest, holding him tight.” He shivered slightly, fining the sudden proximity quite pleasant and started the engine.

You loved it. The speed. The wind. The view. The sensation of freedom. It was amazing. “Woooo” You screamed as Jason overtook a new car. He smirked behind his helmet and accelerated. “ You’re okay back there?”         “ This is awesome!!”        He wished it would have lasted longer but you reached Blüdhaven in merely twenty minutes. You parked and Jason helped you take off the helmet. Your hair were completely dishevelled, you knew it. “ Why did I bother styling my hair?” You asked as you blew a strand of hair away from your face.           “ You still look beautiful.” He admitted before clearing his throat. “Shall we?”   “Yeah”

The night was great… Or at least that’s what you tried to believe. Jason kept his hands in his pockets the entire evening as you walked along the neon-lighted pier. He didn’t touched you, didn’t try to hold your hand or to brush your skin with his fingers when you had passed him his drink early on. Instead he remained face down, barely answering your question as you were relentlessly trying to make conversation. Why was he that nervous? You weren’t that intimidating. You were quite talkative and likeable on the contrary.    What if he didn’t like you? You suddenly wondered. No. He wouldn’t have brought flowers and all. Or maybe he was disappointed. Maybe he found you boring. You lost your chill in a flash  and your eyes widened in apprehension. So you asked. “ You’re feeling okay? Did I do something wrong?”     He immediately stopped walking to stare at you. “What?! No. Why?”        “ You’re very distant.”   “ I am?” You nodded and he immediately sighed. “Look, Jay. If you don’t like me or…”“ What? No! Of course I like you. I like you a lot even.” He mumbled without even taking a breath.          “ So why are you like this? Am I scaring you or something?” He didn’t reply and then you got it. “Oh my god! I am scaring you!” You laughed like you never laughed before even though it wasn’t that funny and he glowered at you.    “ It’s not funny.” He muttered but you couldn’t help it. You needed to laugh. You had been way too serious tonight because of his uneasiness “Stop mocking me.”          “ I’m sorry. I’m gonna stop.” You promised as you took a deep breath, small tears watering your eyes. “It’s just. I’m not a date kind of guy. I suck at dates. I hate dates.”“ That I understood.”      “ And you’re an amazing girl/guy and … I … I don’t know what I was thinking. I was impressed. I wanted everything to be perfect even if that meant acting like someone I’m not. I almost put a tie, for fuck’s sake.” You chuckled and he continued. “ And I don’t even like Ariana Grande.” You burst out laughing.      “ I don’t either.”    “ I saw your playlist.” He shouted, outraged.        “ That wasn’t mine. It was my roomate’s.” You swore for a second that he did all he could not to shout. “ Worst date ever.”“ I wouldn’t say. I found you quite adorable … adorkable even.” He sighed and leant against the balustrade along the pier. You did the same and you both remained quiet for a short while.         “ Can you chill now?”     “ I’m chill.” He retorted rather coldly.      “ No you’re not. Come on. Let’s do something else.”        “ Seriously? You still want to stay with a moron like me?”      “ I happen to like morons like you.” You winked and you extended your hand. He watched it for a second and finally grabbed it with a smirk on his face. “ And I’m guessing that you must know a place where they are more at ease.” “Yep. It’s called a bar.” He curled his fingers between yours holding tightly your hand. This was way better already.

And it had been incredible. Nice music. Beers. Cheering and laughing people. And Jason being suddenly all relaxed and surprisingly physical and tactile. Holding your hand, caressing you and occasionally brushing your hair with his fingers. You had enjoyed it so much you hadn’t wanted it to end. But it had eventually.        It had ended when after Jason had left you alone for a moment to order some new drinks a man had come to your table to flirt with you. It had made Jason see red and come back to you in a matter of two seconds. “Hands off, asshole.” They would have fought if you hadn’t held him back. You were sure of it. “ Come on, Jay. He’s not worth it. Don’t ruin the night because of him.”“ Yeah, Jay. Listen to your bitch.” The man had mocked him. You had both frozen and Jason had looked daggers at the man. “Excuse me, baby.” He had punched him. A nice right hook in the jaw that had knocked him out and silenced the entire bar. “Better. Let’s go.”

And now here you were, back at your apartment, on the doormat. You looked for your keys in silence, as Jason was again quite uncomfortable, looking down at his shoes. “You’re not mad at me about that asshole in the bar, I hope?” So that’s what it was now. “No.” You admitted. “ It was actually really nice to see you that jealous and overprotective. Sexy even. But it scared me too. Who knows? We could have started a terrible bar fight.” He snickered.  “ Sexy, huh?” He repeated with a smirk. You blushed and bit your lips. “Let’s say it didn’t leave indifferent.”    “ I know something else that would not leave you indifferent as well.” He whispered with a suddenly very seductive low voice as he bent over to approach your face. You didn’t move and gazed at him while he grabbed your waist to hold you still and caress your lips with his. “You’re an adorkable moron, you know that.”    “ If you let me in, you will say something very different tomorrow.” 

[cas-backwards-tie]

Batfam with a girlfriend/boyfriend that doesnt take care of themselves (barely sleeps, barely eats, or just eats junk) bc they lowkey hate themselves and dont feel like they are that important (a.k.a me ) 💖💖💕💕 Also youre very talented and I love your writing so if you cant do the request take the compliment because youve earned it 🤗

Thank you so much! and I know it’s been awhile but I’ve pushed this to side the because it always takes me SO long to do headcanons. Though I love them. Also this is me too, so I totally understand. I may have gotten carried away with Damian...

Bruce: 

-for sure would do everything in his power to try and make sure you knew deep down that you are worth it and important because you are, you just don’t believe it.

-if it’s because of depression or anything of the sort he might suggest medication, willing to pay for all expenses because you deserve to be happy and he’ll do it in whatever you want.

-he’ll remind you to sleep and eat, and if he’s not around to do so he’ll make sure Alfred does. 

-he’ll make sure that (i mean, Alfred would tbh anyways) all the meals you guys eat are healthy... so... if you are eating junk then you’d probably get scolded bc “why aren’t you eating Alfred’s meals? Alfred is an excellent chef and you’re just eating junk food instead?!” everyone would be baffled.

-overall Bruce loves you so so much and would do his best to try and ingrain in your brain over time that you ARE worth everything, and are the most important thing in his life.

Jason:

-Jason understands all to well your pain, and even though he could just as easily wallow in his own feelings about the same issues. He knows he has to be strong and there for you because you’re the one who needs it right now.

-Jason might stoop down to your level on some days and join you (which you’d probably enjoy somewhat not being alone) in not sleeping or eating junk food, but of course if it came to barely eating then he’d complain because this man needs to eat!

-Jason feels like it’s his fault when you tell him how you feel that you’re not important or worth anything. He feels like it’s his fault that he hasn’t shown you that you are enough. You’re more than enough in fact.

-Jason understands you and will try anything and everything to make you feel better. He’s been there and done that, and sometimes he still has his moments. He’ll go to the ends of the earth to try and contradict your thoughts.

Dick:

-Dick is a busy man so for the most part I feel like he wouldn’t notice these things at first.

-Once you told Dick though, he’d be all over you in his mama bird ways, trying to protect and comfort you. Dick loves you more than anything and knows you deserve the world.

-He just can’t wrap his head around why you don’t think the same. Dick would eventually get worn down with his busy schedule and everything that’s been going on with you lately- his efforts seeming to not be that helpful he’d turn to Jason knowing that after all the teasing was done, Jason would know what to do. Dick saw how much Jason went through this and hopefully Jason could have some advice.

-Dick would do what Jason told him, but he’d throw in his own twists. Dick would also definitely try to get you out of the house way more than you’d been going out. He’d make sure you guys started to go on way more fun dates.

-Dick doesn’t want to see his world: you- tumble down into the dark where he knows you don’t belong. He’ll do anything to try and get you out of the pit you’re currently stuck in, and mostly importantly he wants you to know that he’ll be by your side the whole time. He’d never leave you just because of something like this, and he wants you to know that.

Tim:

- Honeslty I feel like Tim would just be there with you. He already barely sleeps- okay! More time to hang out with you. You don’t want to eat? That he couldn’t really get with. He’d tell you all the downsides to not eating and what’d happen to your body if you stopped. Of course he’d probably scare you into eating.

-Eating junk food? He doesn’t mind, but of course that won’t be the only stuff you’re eating! 

-Tim can understand why you’re feeling this way, and as much as it pains him to see you going through this he hopes you know he’ll be there for you. He’ll listen to what you want to tell, he’ll support you in any way you want and need. He’ll be with you until you get out of this funk.

Damian:

- Damian doesn’t understand... how could you hate yourself? you’re literally beautiful and amazing. You’re kind and caring... You’re perfect. Why would you hate that?

-Damian listens to what you have to say, knowing not to interrupt like he did last time (it did not end well), and waits until you’re done talking.

-He holds you in his arms, his hands absent-mindedly running up and down your back.

-he starts to think of what you were saying and starts to understand... he sometimes looks in the mirror and wonders who he’s become. Sometimes he hates the things he’s done, the things he was forced to do.... was it like that? is that how you felt? you hated what you saw in the mirror sometimes and felt like you were nothing?

-he inhaled sharply realizing that this is what you were talking about. “what’s wrong?” “nothing, I just remembered something Father told me to do” it wasn’t true. but he also knew it wouldn’t help to talk about his own troubles at the moment.

-Damian still couldn’t imagine how it’d be to feel these feelings and think these things all the time, but he could imagine how bad it’d be. I mean, he knew- just by looking at you how it’d turn out.

-Damian would make sure to spend extra time with you, doing the stupid, sometimes annoying cheesy things he knew you loved- which he also loved but would never admit. 

-He’d make sure you were never alone and if you needed to talk to someone better than him- a professional- he’d make it happen. He’d find a good person you could talk to.

- Damian would try and spoil you with gifts, but of course he’d only get something if “I thought you’d like this,” or “I saw this and thought of you”. He knew those were the most meaningful gifts and Damian never did anything without meaning.

-Damian would hope everyday you’d get better but knew that this could take awhile or may never go away for sure. He knew this would be hard but he’d be determined to keep at it- trying to get rid of this mindset. He’d stick with you through it and try his best not to explode when you don’t sleep enough or when you become unhealthy from your habits.

-He’d somewhat feel like it’s his fault if you relapsed into this behavior but he’d understand and try his very best to be strong and helpful when you needed him.

[survivorbangladesh-blog]

EPISODE 9: “Two weeks ago, I found the most important item in this game: the stick of destiny” - NED (PART 1)

I guess it's fitting we named our FINAL 3 alliance "the Pancakes-" Rob flipped. And guess what? Elliott flipped too. Right now, the only people I trust are Sarah, Eddie, and Sam. Fortunately, Joe's an absolute idiot and left Steph out of the loop- so hopefully, I'll be able to pull her in and we'll have a solid majority of 5. Then, boom boom boom boom- there goes Rob (he's a dick), Elliott (he can win things actually), Chips (he's sketchy), and Joe (I want him to be the last one so he suffers). It's time to hunt.

This is my least favorite part of the game. Voting people out. Now Eddie hates me, but I still love him. Sarah and Ned are mad at me too. I like them, I really really do. But I had to do what's best for my game, and I would not win against them. I can win against the others though, and I feel so bad. i hate this game. I always become a snake. I guess I'm going to be rode hard and put away wet huh? I hate it, i hate it i hate it i hate it my heart hurts a lot

THE FACT THAT MY GAME COULD HAVE ENDED TONIGHT ALL BY THE HANDS OF THE BIGGEST IDIOTS OF THIS SEASON HAS ME LIVIDDDD.!!!! SO ANYWAYS GUYS THAT TRIBAL WAS MESSY AF AND IM GOING TO TELL U SOME  TEA AND I SWEAR TO GOD I TRIED TO FILM THIS BUT I KEEP SLURRING MY WORDS BECAUSE I HAVENT SELPT FOR MORE THAN 24 HOURS LETS GET DOWN TO BUSINESS Can we please take a minute and lets talk about how chip and joe think that going to sam and talking shit and telling lies about me is going to get her to vote me out....BITCH U THOT. Its so ugly because Sam and I are the only active girls left in the season and if any MENINIST GUY thinks for a second that her and I dont talk can fuck right off. So shes telling me all these things that Joe and Chips said about me and its like !!!!?!?!?!? FUCK THEYRE SO FUNNY IM GONNA TELL YALL WHAT THEY SAID 1) They said that I was the mastermind behind the Drew and Andreas vote. HAHAHAH YEA I FUCKING WISH!! I WISH I HAD THAT ON MY RESUME THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN GR8. Nah tbh it doesnt make sense for me to directly go after Andreas. Sam, Andreas and I were still in an alliance at that point so !!?!?! dumb fucks 2) They said I PARTICIPATED IN THE SEASON REBELS AND ROGUES AND I WAS A ROGUE SO IM CRAZY SO THEY NEED TO GET ME OUT. Ok this is  HILARIOUS to me for several reasons. SAM WAS ON REBELS AND ROGUES ...JOE ARE U FUCKING STUPID. !?!?!?! If he actually did his research he would have known that... AS WELL AS THE FACT THAT I SUCKED AT THAT GAME AND THAT WAS ALMSOT A YEAR AGO!!! AS IF I PLAY THE EXACT SAME WAY! YA RIGHT! Its funny hes basing my game off of what season I was on...thats like saying joe is smart because hes a host.....................BUT WE ALL KNOW THATS A FUCKIGN LIE Anyways so after this call Sam and I both agreed we felt good with Eddie, Ned and Rob and all 5 of us should be in a f5 alliance. Rob had said to eddie, sam and I all individually at different times that he doesnt like chips and joe so we were like ICON COME TO US! SO WE MAKE THIS F5 AND ITS CUTE BECAUSE BEFORE WE EVEN MADE THIS F5...I HAD A F3 WITH NED AND ROB ALREADY SO ITS LIKE IT WAS ALL SET UP!!!!!!!!!!! So then rob and eddie tell me that IM THE TARGET!?!?!?!?!??! WHY ARE THESE UGLIES SO AFRAID OF ME!? ANYWAYS IM LIKE LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL NO THANKS IM GOOD So I get on call with Eddie and we're talking strategy and we decide that im going to skip this round with my time turner but before i do it eddie and i talked for a bit and eddie is being kinda obvious about  how hes threatened about my social connections because he thinks i have Ned and Rob which i mean, is half true. I have ned as an ally. But I tell Ned to tell eddie that im aggressive and annoying sometimes because Eddie literally thinks I am aggressive and I mean...im not going to lie I am but ive been getting better!!!!!!!!!! So Ned sends the message to Eddie and hes like “OGOMGOGMG SARAH I HAVE TO TELL U SOMETHING” AND IM ON CALL TRYING NOT TO LAUGH AND IM LIKE WHAT IS IT AND HE TELLS ME THAT AND I ACT SOOOO OFFENDED AND ITS HILARIOUS BECAUSE EDDIES LIKE “SARAH U ARE AGRESSIVE” basically my ego had to take a beating from eddie so eddie doesnt think ned and I are like definite. I feel like its obvious at this point which sucks but we made it to final 10 without people realizing!!!!! But anyways I used the time turner and was SENT RACING THROUGH TIME AND SPACE I AM IMMUNE FOR ONE ROUND OF TRIBAL I FEEL FREE I couldnt talk to anyone and I was removed from the tribe chat !! which im happy about because i dont want to see those uglies :~) SO FINALLY IT COMES TO TRIBAL AND LEMME TELL YOU I WAS SWEATING BECAUSE WHAT IF SOMEONE FLIPPED!?!?!?!? SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tribal comes and joe outs me and says i didnt talk to him about the vote ...acting like im the one that makes the decisions so thats how he feels about me. PLEASE JOE NO ONE EXCEPT YOU AND YOUR EGO WILL ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT! Anyways I was only watching so i coudnt say SHIT to him because trust me I wanted to! PLUS HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TALK TO U WHEN IM IN IN TIME AND SPACE LIKE YEA YOUR ANNOYING ASS FACE AND VOICE IS BEING DROWNED OUT SORRY I CANNNT HEAR YOUUUU!!! IM SCREECHING AT TRIBAL BECAUSE ELLIOTTS 27 YEAR OLD ASS SAID THAT HE JUST GUESSED AND DIDNT HAVE A STRATEGY AND ITS LIKE STUPUID FICKING BITCH HOW DARE YOU I HAD A STRATEGY AND U STILL BEAT ME FUCK OFF LIKE FUCK RIGHT OFF THEN ROB WAS SAYING SUS AF THINGS AND IM JUST HERE LIKE OKMGJKNFKOSDLFJMOSIDKFL THIS BITCH REALLY GONNA FLIP and im like trying not to freak out because it wouldnt make any logical sense for Rob to flip because not only does he have f5, ned, him and I are also in f3 so its perfect for him so im like its ok THE VOTE COMES OUT AND ELLIOTT AND ROB FLIPPED ON US!!!!!!! ELLIOTT SURE KNOWS HOW TO HOLD A GRUDGE :) BUT HOW DARE ROB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JUST BECAUSE OUR ALLIANCE IS CALLED THE PANCAKES DOESNT MEAN U GOTTA BURN ME LIKE THAT :~( THE PANCAKES ARE DEAD So im just sitting her trying to figure out why he would give up potential f2 for maybe f5 and not even ?!?!? I HATE HIS STUPID MUSTACHED 15 YEAR OLD ASS So apparently the plan was for eddie to play his idol so they could flush it and then ariel would go home...which is so funny because ned, sam, eddie and I were all safe and ned and eddie didnt play their idols!!!!!1 im so #blessed but anyways it comes to steph being leaved out of the vote so theres just a random vote against sam and im DYING BECAUSE THEY THINK SAM IS WITH them SO THEY DIDNT EVEN CARE ABOUT US TRYING TO GET STEPH AS A NUMBER BECAUSE THEY ARE SO CONFIDENT IN THEIR NUMBERS SO NOW STEPH WANTS TO WORK WITH US AND SHES WAY BETTER THAN UGLY ASS ROB! And now we're in the majority :~) THE LOYAL DREAM TEAM: eddie, sam, ME, NED <3 and steph anyways I NEED TO WIN PRESSURE COOKER BECAUSE THEYRE AFTER ME AND EVEN IF WERE IN MAJORITY I STILL WANT THEM OUT ALLLLSSSSO IM SCARED JR IS GONNA PULL A MALDIVES AND HAVE AN INSTANT TRIBAL RIGHT BEFORE PRESSURE COOKER STARTS SO THE DREAM TEAM IS READY IN CASE THIS HAPPENS!! Eddie told me hes going to fight hard but he would drop if its down to me and him I WANT THIS SO MUCH also this is funny to me [2016-11-05 8:11:19 PM] Rob Rangel: I'm sad too [2016-11-05 8:11:27 PM] Rob Rangel: i didn't want to do it [2016-11-05 8:11:37 PM] Rob Rangel: but i did what i thought was best for me [2016-11-05 8:11:48 PM] Rob Rangel: because i know that you would beat me [2016-11-05 8:12:05 PM] Rob Rangel: you are a good player Sarah [2016-11-05 8:14:03 PM] Rob Rangel: You have good connections in this game [2016-11-05 8:14:27 PM] Rob Rangel: You work hard to further yourself [2016-11-05 8:14:35 PM] Rob Rangel: Youre a likeable person

Sarah and I had a really long call yesterday and I hope she doesn't throw me under the bus but like I'm living because now I'm hoping that I can just slide under and not be a target honestly, I don't trust Joe or Sarah but they're both running each side so I need to find a way to play both sides and slowly destroy each of their allies. Ariel was unfortunate collateral damage but now that Eddie has lost one of his numbers and Steph may or may not feel isolated their side is definitely weaker so now I'm ready to take out Joe, I'm really hoping he doesn't win and I'm really hoping that Eddie, Ned, Sarah, and I can vote for Joe and Steph will vote with us cause then it'll be us vs Chris, Elliott, and Rob and Joe but Joe will be gone I really want to just flop between both sides getting rid of everyone who's lied to me

I'm ready for my OTTN edit. I know that people are going to be talking shit about me, but do I deserve it? That's the biggest question. People are mean, there's barely any good people in the game. There's only like Ned and Steph who are good.

Maybe they'll finally realize there's a reason why I was put on the tribe that is known for their STRATEGY fuck

Idk guess this is just a boost in confidence because I just got 17/18 in a game and i told myself i was never playing again. 

After Abbey's letter, and the last round that just happened, I have so much more drive in me, and I really think I can win this if I play my cards right. I don't have it in the bag or anything, but I don't think it's impossible like I did two rounds ago. I was kind of UTR the first two votes of the merge because I really wasn't enjoying being forced into following the majority, and once Sarah wouldn't listen to me I kinda said fuck it, I'll let her go with them, and she'll see that I'm right so I just kinda took a back seat to everything and wasn't very active.

I think I just single handedly pulled an aubry when she went to tai about flipping on scot and jason and got him to do it

So tonight is Pressure Cooker, and unfortunately, I won't be able to participate. However, everyone in my alliance (Sarah, Eddie, Sam, and I) is expecting instant Tribal before the challenge, and the plan is to ACTUALLY vote out Chips this time. Joe, Chips, and Elliott still think they have Sam, and Sam hasn't heard anything from them, so hopefully they won't be expecting anything tonight. However, we need either Stephanie or Rob to vote with us, so we tried to get both (and at the very least, get Rob to vote someone else so his vote is pointless). Sarah and I had a prayer circle like we used to do at Hasti, and this is just a short segment of what was said: Sarah: DEAR FLOATER GODS LET STEPHANIE COME TO OUR SIDE AMEN Sarah: DEAR BACKSTABBER GODS LET ROB NOT DO IT AGAIN PLS GOD OH PLS AMEN Immediately after we did that, we found out that we had successfully pulled in both Stephanie AND Rob, so we're not expecting any funny business later. I'm so excited to see Joe's expression when his #1 puppy dog goes home. :)

[6:33:48 PM] Rob Rangel: oh and also, they named the alliance sarah hit squad : ( [6:34:16 PM] Sarah: AHHAHAHAHAHA HOLY FUCK [6:34:18 PM] Sarah: JFKLDSJFKLSDJF [6:34:38 PM] Rob Rangel: so... i guess there's an anti-sarah alliance now [6:34:47 PM] Rob Rangel: if that hasn't happened before [6:35:36 PM] Sarah: he names the alliances for who he wants to take out and then he has a new target and makes a new one with less ppl [6:35:46 PM] Sarah: I love my fans [6:36:04 PM] Rob Rangel: <3 I'm a fan of sarah the icon PETITION FOR THIS EPISODE TO BE CALLED SARAH HIT SQUAD  PLS MAKE IT HAPPEN started from the bottom and now were here I called steph and shes on board and eddie called rob and hes going to vote with us and obviously the uglies are voting me but hopefully this looks like a 6-3 vote . God please please please let chips go now. Btw im ready for pressure cooker..!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 bring it on

Just found out I'm the target. In case I go home, Elliott: You're an idiot. You think I'm stupid but I've known you're not with us since Andreas went home. Joe: You think you're in control of the game but you're really not. I hope your downfall is spectacular. Chips: It's fun to be a sheep, right? Sarah: Win. Sam: You're awesome. It was great getting to know you! Eddie: The same as for Sam- you're a really cool guy and I'm glad I met you. Stephanie: You seem really cool! I just wish you were more active. Rob: I hope you're with me. If not, you dun goofed.

Okay I guess I might as well make a confessional now but like I'm on mobile so I might just give up, but these past two votes have felt WILD! Like Ariel going was kind of sucky, I wish it had been Steph instead but whatever they were basically interchangeable at this point, so I got pulled into this alliance with Rob Ned Sarah and Eddie then we wanted to use Elliott as our vote to take out Chris and since Rob and Elliott don't like Joe we all just assumed that everything was great and stuff! Then I find out that Elliott and Rob DONT want to take out Chris and instead actually want to work with Joe and Chris! Shook I know, and then I got added to an alliance with Elliott Joe Rob and Chris so I had to decide what I wanted to do and I ended up telling Eddie about the Ariel vote but telling him that we didn't have the numbers to save her and especially since we couldn't get a hold of Steph we couldn't even tie it and flip the vote on the revote since joes extra vote wouldn't count but part of me was glad, I wanna weaken both sides honestly, but yeah so I voted with Ariel and Joe and everyone else thought I was 100% with them which was good because the Loyal Dream Team alliance of myself Sarah Eddie and Ned could find out who they were voting and play an idol! Only it turns out we didn't even need to! They managed to flip Rob and got a hold of Steph without even letting anyone know that I was with them! I have literally been feeding Sarah Eddie and Ned information from Joe the whole time and they didn't suspect a thing! After the Chris vote, which I actually do vote for Chris, I told Elliott and Joe they told me last minute and that everyone was voting so I thought that's what they were doing blah blah blah and they believed me! Elliott is probable smarter than people, myself included, give him credit for but I told him I'm so sorry that he wasn't included and I should have told him but I thought he already knew blah blah blah and he was like whatever but that's what you gotta do when you're on the bottom and Elliott knows that (also I REALLY hope he wins this pressure cooker!) but yeah then Joe actually believed me too and we were talking about Eddie as our next target and how we can probably away Rob back over to our side and Steph will hopefully join us too and all that fun fake stuff (throwback to a few days ago when Joe told Sarah he always knows when I'm lying... Bitch please) but the funniest thing that happened was that Rob actually came to me asking if I was mad at him and said he felt bad about leaving me out of the vote! I was so shook! I guess I'm a better double agent than I thought!

i just lied my ass off too him and I feel horrible about it.

there goes my morals... I was really hoping that they would be there by the time the game ended, but....  I guess not everything turns out to be the way you want it to be.

I'ma have to give myself some credit though and say that my mist has me shook. The fact that Joe and I have been actively and publicly against each other since the final 10 and I have came for him at multiple tribal councils INCLUDING THE PRESSURE COOKER AND he has a huge target on his back and he knows there's a good chance that he's a sitting duck and is the next to go and I was able to talk him into throwing the challenge to me and quitting......................................... SHOOK SHOOK SHOOK!!!!!!!!