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i haven’t died actually it’s just australian school system has killed me

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this is sickening actually

I hate them

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he’s so me fr

"Oh, Damian was such an asshole" "The bats tried to integrate him he's just ungrateful!" "He had no reason to be as rough or rude as he was"

If I was raised as a prince and suddenly got sent away to the most corrupt, dangerous, and disgusting city in bumfuck New Jersey, I would be worse. The fact that he didn't burn that bitch down makes him a better man than I could ever be

If anything, he didn't crash out enough

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*phone call*

Jason; I’m sorry, Talia. I can’t kill Bruce.

Talia: You asked me yesterday if I could “break Bruce out of the afterlife so I can kill him over and over.”

Jason: Yeah…that would have been fun. But he’s given me an offer I can’t refuse.

Talia: He killed the clown?

Jason: He gave me a first edition Pride and Prejudice book. It says by a lady instead of Jane Austen.

Talia: You are sacrificing months of training and planning for a book?

Jason: I’m weak, Talia. I’m weak.

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The headcanon that Jason bakes when he's stressed eatsss

Duke: *wakes up from the feeling of being watched* wha??

*Jason standing over him with a fresh plate of peach cobbler* This is you favorite right?

Duke: um... yea..

Jason: here *sets plate on his lap* taste..

Duke: .... ok..

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one thing that will break my heart everytime i see it is when dick gives them the “robin was made out of anger” speech and it completely changes everyone’s perception of him into something more human rather than an example

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Dynamic duo(father and son)

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contrary to popular belief dick IS fully capable of cooking beautiful delicious home made meals but just doesn’t. this drives jason absolutely insane because “wdym alfie cooking is OUR thing” but just imagine this little 9 year old who was raised in a circus and thus raised in a plethora of different cultures and cuisines, learning and teaching alfred how to cook all these different dishes he’s grown up with because there was no one else in the manor AND to avoid bruce

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alfred gave them the sheets

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australian school holidays ends in a week and that has me feeling like jason like yeah i would appreciate just dying for a bit and then coming back

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sleepy

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crashout grayson is my favourite grayson i like my men a little bit tortured what can i say

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Staying alive was never Jason's strong suit

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i love playing guess the robin bc yes that is dick!! hes the one with the floppy side part but also sometimes a middle part!! oh no thats actually jason. everytime i think im right and ive figured out a semi reliable way to differentiate between them im wrong and indeed thats actually tim not jason because surprise he also has a floppy middle part

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bat family as unhinged tiktok comments!

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people don't talk enough about how fucking funny it is that bruce can sub in his kids as batman when he's too busy. like can you imagine it from the league's perspective? imagine you have this really mysterious, geniusly scary guy that you know next to nothing about, never cracks a smile and yet always comes out on top, and one day he shows up to a league meeting and there's just something... off. about him.

you can't pin it down because he's literally acting exactly the same as usual and there's no reason to think there's anything wrong, but maybe he shifted in his seat one to many times, or he looked just a tad bit too bored during green lantern's case review, but something's just... odd. so you quietly ask superman after the meeting if anything's up with the bat bcs you know those two are closer and also clark can hear heartbeats so if something's wrong surely he'll pick it up? and without hesitation he leans over to you and mumbles 'yeah batman was busy, that's his 17 yr old son. he's a crime lord and kills people sometimes though so we're not allowed to let him into the weapons department.' and then walks away like it's normal.

like the whiplash the league must go through every time they realise that no, this is not their fearless dark and brooding leader, this is in fact one of his dipshit kids being forced to sub in bcs the real batman broke an ankle, is incredible.

wonder woman: so that's my proposed plan, what are your thoughts batman?

batman: hn. i think that- *voice raising two octaves* oh shit hold on my phones buzzing

the league:

batman, answering the phone and immediately dropping the Bat Posture™: what do you mean- aw come on little wing that's not fair! but- no, NO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ALFRED I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU- IM SORRY OK I'LL BUY YOU MORE- *catches sight of the league watching him, baffled* *stiffens* ok listen i promise to replace them but i gotta go, please show me mercy iloveyoubye *hangs up*

the league:

batman:

batman: *coughs awkwardly*

superman: *sighs*

batman, to superman: ...red hood found out i ate his chocolate pretzels-

superman, shaking his head: just... just stop.

the flash: so this isn't batman either, is it?

wonder woman: if this one's also a criminal im losing my mind.

superman, tiredly: no no, this one isn't a criminal. this one's actually a cop.

batman: *sinks down in his seat* b's gonna kill me

green lantern, mystified: where does he keep GETTING you all from!?

'batman' dick, who made a pact with jason to Always Fuck With Bruce Whenever The Opportunity Arises: batman is a whore.

they think they've finally sussed out all 2 of batman's kids and then one day during a meeting 'batman' ends up on a 30 minute rant about different hacking methods this tech villain could be using that results in him half way through a sentence breaking off to say '-oh uncle clark could you pass me that pen- thanks, anyway so-' and then five minutes after that when the league have all been exchanging incredulous looks he finally freezes and is like. SHIT.

wonder woman: you're different from the other two, aren't you?

batman: maybe i am maybe i'm not, you can't prove it.

wonder woman:

green lantern: so like, are you new or have you just managed to avoid sub duty up until now?

superman, coughing: actually, this is this ones ninth occasion of replacing batman. you've just never realised before.

the league:

batman: yeah actually the other two are kinda mad i lasted longer than them...

the flash: how the fuck does he keep getting kids with the exact same build as him!??!?

'batman' tim, spent 20 minutes padding the suit out so he would look the part, still mad that bruce keeps palming WE work off on him: oh he forces us to take steroids for it.

the league, concerned:

superman, pinching the bridge of his nose: now come on red robin-

batman, fully tearing up and looking distraught: PLEASE uncle clark, it HURTS, you can't keep COVERING FOR HIM!

superman, frantically to the league: this one lies.

bonus

the league, squinting at batman:

the league: ...

superman: *head in his hands, too disappointed to do anything*

the league: *silently exchanging looks, wondering if anybody's brave enough to say anything*

duke as batman, fully aware this is fucking stupid but jason and tim fell on the floor laughing when dick came up with the idea and frankly, he wanted to see if anybody would have to guts to call him out: so, are we all ready to start the meeting?