#and it cant even run old games on high graphics | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gnocchighoul · 4 years ago

Note

The boys (+undateables?) reactions when they discover MC is actually a vampire?

....so I’m a dingus and didn’t realize that this was also for the undateables and just wrote it for the brothers, my bad 😅 Part two maybe? 👀

WARNING: as this is about vampires, it’s a little bit morbid. I strayed away from being too graphic, but y’know. Vampires. There’s death and blood and such.

Enjoy! :D

Lucifer

In hindsight, he really should have figured it out on his own.

But it’s not like he’s been around enough humans lately to know what Normal human behavior is.

So he just kinda took your... quirks at face value.

So what if you’re far too comfortable with the Devildom’s constant state of nighttime? Solomon doesn’t seem to mind it either, so maybe humans are just more nocturnal now.

And perhaps your Very Strong aversion to garlic is a little odd, but Mammon wouldn't eat it either for the first 600 years of his life, so it’s not that weird.

You’re also not phased by constantly being surrounded by demons and monsters, which is a little strange, but maybe you’re just like the ancient greeks. A monster fucker.

You feeling right at home in the Devildom is auspicious for the exchange program, so he doesn’t bother dwelling on it.

Though maybe he does find it a little bit weird when you really insist that he start drinking cranberry juice.

(It’s just for health benefits of course, totally has nothing to do with you prepping your next meal)

So what, you may ask, triggers his big lightbulb moment?

You fall off the roof.

And you just get right back up.

Now he knows that humans aren’t supposed to be THAT durable, so he stops you from scaling the side of the fucking house with your bare hands, and very eloquently asks you, “What the fuck?”

You shake him off. “What? Mammon and I are playing roof-ball.”

Lucifer stares. “You fell. I saw how hard you hit the ground. You should be dead.”

You laugh. “Dead? Just from a little fall like that? Are you serio-ohhh wait. You don’t know, do you?”

You give him your biggest, cheesiest grin and—oh.

Fangs.

...And now he understands why you want him to drink cranberry juice.

Mammon

You are, by far, the weirdest human he’s ever met.

Which is saying something, because Solomon is literally just a few blocks away.

Seriously, despite camping out in your room nearly every single night, Mammon has never seen you sleep, he’s pretty fucking sure that sometimes you don’t even breathe, you won’t step foot into the House of Lamentation unless someone invites you in, and who the hell hates garlic that much??

But you’ve also expressed your intense dislike for crosses, so he supposes that you’re not unredeemable.

Just weird.

But it’s incredibly annoying how you wont sleep. Your tossin’ and turnin’ is killing him, why the fuck can’t you just settle down? You need to just put your DDD down and sleep already, dammit.

He sits up, ready to tear you a new one—and pauses.

“Um,” his voice is high, somewhat uncertain, and your eyes snap over to look at him. “Why are you looking at coffins for sale?”

You sigh, a bit wistfully. “I just can’t stand sleeping in a bed anymore. I didn’t want to be rude, so I really did try, but it's been a couple hundred years since I last had one and it’s just murder on my back. I think I’m gonna just have to get a coffin. They’re so much more comfortable.”

Briefly, Mammon considers running.

Instead, he says, “What the fuck?”

You quirk an eyebrow at him. “You do know I’m a vampire, right?”

...What the fuck—

Mammon lays back down—crosses his arms over his chest with a huff and pretends that he isn’t totally freaked the fuck out. “‘Course I do, don’t be stupid. Now go to sleep already.”

So that he can escape before you try to eat him.

“Mammon,” you sing, leaning over the bed to loom over him. He swallows hard—can’t look away from your sharp, toothy grin.

You coo, “I can hear the scared little pitter patter of your heart, darling.”

He squeaks.

Levi

Honestly, Levi is so so happy to have another irl friend who’s into video games that he looks past your strangeness.

You like to stay indoors and play games!! That’s something he has in common with you that his brothers don’t, and that’s all that matters!

...Though he does find it a little weird how sometimes you just kinda sniff him.

The first dozen times he nearly had a heart attack, and when he asked why you were doing it, he Really wasn't expecting you to shrug and say “I dunno, you just smell tasty”

Seriously. Tasty? Are you Beel or something, what’s that supposed to mean?!

He’s not entirely sure why you’re a bit of a shut in gamer though, because despite your, ah, quirks, you’re still so much cooler than he is, so what’s the deal with that?

When he asks, you just shrug and say, “Old habits die hard, I guess. Real sunshine hurts, but virtual doesn’t, so I just got kinda used to living through games and staying indoors.”

“Oh.” Levi’s a bit surprised, but sympathetic. “So, you sunburn easily?”

He’s not entirely sure why you’re laughing now, since that wasn’t a joke. He was just trying to be friendly :(

But then you hug him and he’s too flustered to be offended anymore jndcks

So, when does it finally click for Levi that you’re a vampire?

You guys are having a game night in his room.

He accidentally takes a sip of your caprisun and realizes, very quickly, that it is not the refreshing juice of a caprisun pouch.

He throws up a little bit.

And screams.

And maybe blacks out for a few seconds.

But when he finally calms down and lets you explain, he’s pretty damn enchanted, because this is just like Help, My Roommate Is A Vampire And I Didn’t Know Until A Vampire-Hunter Mistook Me For Them And Attacked Me!! :D

Satan

Satan considers himself to be somewhat of a detective, y’know. His brain is just filled to the brim with Big Smarts

Naturally, he puts that jelly thicc thought tank of his to good use and realizes very quickly that you aren’t totally human.

At first, he isn’t totally sure what you are.

And then a coffin gets delivered to the house, which upon seeing you cheer “Oh sweet, my new bed!!” aaaand he puts the pieces together.

You become somewhat of a case study to him. You’re the first vampire he’s ever encountered and he just wants to know everything and anything about your life.

He’s so intrigued by you.

But you frustrate him SO much.

He wants to know about how you were turned!! It’s not like he has any other vampires that he can ask about their experience!! And you fucking tell him a different story every day!!

“A cat jumped over my deceased body!”

“I was stabbed and the wound wasn’t treated with boiling water!”

“On a dark and stormy night, I came across a palace and the owner, a hospitable gentleman, let me take refuge there. But then, I quickly realized that I was actually a hostage, and when I tried to escape, that fucker turned me!”

“Nobody put an obolus in my mouth to pay the toll of the Styx, so Charon the ferryman sent me back! What a great guy.”

“A chupacabra bit me!”

Needless to say, he considers breaking the wooden leg off one of the dining room chairs and stabbing you with it, but the lecture he would get from Lucifer just isn’t worth the effort.

He’s gonna pull the truth out of you one of these days.

Asmo

“My my, darling, what sharp teeth you have~” Asmo purrs, lifting a finger to brush against them, doe-eyes wide and curious. “The better to eat me with, hopefully?”

You smile. “Something like that.”

And you fuckin’ bite his finger.

His scream is fantastic. If you actually draw blood next time, maybe he’ll even shatter the windows!

He swats your leg sharply with a silk folding fan and cries, “What if you had broken my skin!? Do you have any idea how much time and effort goes into maintaining this soft, supple skin?! What’s wrong with you, you psychopath?”

“Don’t hit me,” you pout, scooting away from him. “I couldn’t help it! You just smell so sweet and I haven’t had any blood in a while, so—”

“Huh?” Asmo blinks, looking a bit confused. Then recovers far too quickly and waggles his eyebrows at you. “Oh, so that’s what you’re into! What a pleasant surprise~”

You thunk him on the back of the head. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you not to tease a vampire?”

Asmo’s grin could rival the sun.

“A vampire?! Well why didn’t you say so sooner?”

He’s already taking off his shirt.

“Get over here already and take a bite out of me~”

Beel

When he finds out that you’re a vampire, his first thought is to worry over if you can eat normal food or not.

He’s very relieved when you tell him that you can, so long as you’ve had enough blood, but that garlic is a very big no-no.

Naturally, you two bond over how both of you never quite feel full.

It’s not uncommon for the other house members to find you two laying face down on the floor, tummies rumbling, whining about how you’re staaaaarving

You carry around snacks for him, and Beel makes sure that you’ve always got access to blood (whether that means stashing blood bags, letting you feed from him, or a combo of both ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )

He’s probably going to be the least weirded out by your ~undead tendencies~

Honestly, he’s a bit relieved by how strong you are. The last thing he ever wants to do is hurt you or see you get hurt, and it gives him peace of mind when he realizes that you’re actually pretty durable!

But it does give him a fucking heart attack the first time he sees you yeet yourself out a second story window to crush poor, poor unassuming Mammon.

He also really loves how your body temperature naturally runs cold. He’s a space heater, you’re an icicle—it just works. Snuggle time is good :)

He totally compares the size of your incisors with his jkdcnkj

He just thinks you’re really neat!!!

But he is very sympathetic about how you cant eat good garlic bread :(

Belphie

Listen.

We all know this emo boy is a vampire fucker, probably even more so than Asmo.

(He read Twilight. He saw all the movies. He had merch.)

(Fuck Edward and Jacob though, he was Team Alice all the way.)

(If he can stay awake long enough, he reads really shitty vampire romance novels.)

He just thinks vampires are hot, okay? He can’t help that his soul longs to be a vampire fucker.

Just accept it into your heart. Belphie already has.

So needless to say, he’s THRILLED when he finds out that you’re a vampire. He tries to play it cool though and pretends that he isn’t immediately trying to jump your bones dfghjkjh

He overheard you telling Satan that you got bitten by a Chupacabra, and they’re known for going after cows right?

He is a cowboy, y’know, guess you’re just gonna have to go to him now when you’re thirsty, y’know, since you were bitten by a Chupacabra. it just makes sense, really ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(No it doesn’t)

(But let’s be real, are you gonna pass up the chance to snuggle the shit out of him AND get a snack out of it? No. No you’re not.)

(He totally makes you arm wrestle Beel to recreate the “Iconic” twilight scene with Emmett and Bella.)

(When he realizes that you’re strong, he’s gonna make you give him piggyback rides, just like Edward and Bella :) and no he doesn’t care how ridiculous you both look)

#gnocchicanons #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me hc #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #swd obey me #obey me

2K notes · View notes

corvidshipping · 3 years ago

Text

modern au red/milo dump while i try to get myself together to answer asks nd work on ATJ:

(tw for alcohol mentions near the end, also this is an EXTREMELY long post, its so long that even after i split it into categorized sections each section could be its own post)

CLOTHING

milo absolutely has no sense of fashion. i feel like this is basically canon - for the styles at the time, he dresses fairly basic, mostly focused on looking put together for his job (definitely dresses aimed more towards how he would like to be treated by his peers, despite his actual position - then again our best example outside of the expedition is when he's about to deliver what he considers the most important presentation of his life, so who knows, maybe he usually dresses like a slob). aside from that his main concern seems like practicality and comfort. his wardrobe is dominated by earth tones - beiges and greens set with white and greys. all of that taken into account, i can see him dressing like this in a more modern era:

basically- a lot of cardigans, usually collared shirts or comfortable turtlenecks (since he does still occupy a research position at the smithsonian, even if only in title), big ol' coats, khakis and chinos and slightly stiff dress pants complete with ironed creases. i can see him wearing similar clothes outside work, just more comfortable - jeans and knitted shirts, henleys, more turtlenecks, and comfy cardigans over short sleeved shirts. i dont really see him wearing a lot of prints, i think he'd veer more towards solid clothes in lighter colors, but maybe he has a few. hes definitely the kind of guy to think of wearing the single graphic tee he owns as "bold and wild".

im very married to the idea of him wearing converse though. i cant explain it. milo in converse keeps me going in this world

hes kind of broke so i think maybe he got the converse secondhand maybe? or a gift of some kind. aside from the converse i can see him wearing a lot of oxfords and maybe wingtips

i want to see him in a hawaiian shirt so bad. i am losing it at this thought. he buttons it all the way up to his neck like someones awkward dad. milo wears a hawaiian shirt to "let loose". he wears it with like, khakis. or knee length jorts AHHHHDJHDSGJHDSJGh

a tie??? does he wear his hawaiian shirt with a tie???? does he think it makes it look cooler?????????? i am sobbing

red is the COMPLETE opposite. in the canon 1914 setting, red is already very rebellious for an AFAB person of their era- theyre openly a suffragette, they frequently refuse to wear skirts even in public and dress in mens clothes even before they were openly nonbinary, despite not being accepted into the male-dominated research fields and colleges they continue to educate themself with or without help, they purposely aim for an "unfeminine" silhouette when they dress, refuse to wear corsets, etc. (spoiler alert- there's a clear reason they get on so well with audrey in ATJ)

theyre also easily mistaken by people that didnt know them prior to their transition for being just a very small/young cis man- even though they canonically have a very soft "traditionally feminine" face

so basically, in any era theyre set into, red is always gonna aim to be ahead of the curve- both in their personal beliefs and practices and in their fashion. theyre also very androgynous in their clothes, although they tend to aim a bit more masculine (thats partially due to the era though, and having been forced into skirts exclusively for their entire life- i think in a modern setting where its more acceptable for AFABs to dress and act in a less hyperfeminine way, theyd be more okay with a fluidity in their gender presentation).

all that taken into account, i can see them dressing like this:

lots of baggy clothes, especially baggy jackets and shirts. they like loose fitting high waisted pants like JNCO jeans, cargo pants, etc but they arent averse to pencil legs. they rarely ever wear skinny jeans or drainpipes though. messy hair is a lifestyle for them- their haircut is definitely home-done

you know how in BICSTLY they used to have really long hair before they cut it? in a modern au i can see them impulsively doing the cut at like 3am and waking milo up at his door cause they screwed it up and he ends up having to help fix it (even though hes literally no better at cutting hair than them. worse even)

definitely have an undercut bob- bob on top, shaven on the bottom layer. they might end up growing their hair into a mullet at some point if they get bored. probably dyes their hair all the time out of boredom and then regrets it later and has to use dye remover.

lots of ripped tights and fishnets, leggings with big loose crop tops, big hoodies, safety pin jewelry and homemade jewelry. maybe some sticknpokes.

all that said, they still know how to dress in a professional situation. since its a modern au theres really nothing holding them back from the education and career they canonically want but cant get in the 1910s, so i imagine they would work at the smithsonian as well, maybe their father helped them get the job? potentially in that case they might be his assistant- after all, he trusts their opinion on artifacts more than anyone else's.

at work you can still very much see the punk/skater/grunge/goth style but its more understated- turtlenecks, high waisted and looser dress pants, lots of black, slightly unbuttoned collared shirts with a loose overcoat and no tie

since i elaborated on milos shoe taste i may as well elaborate on red's: they definitely wear converse as well, probably newer than milo's since their father is fairly wealthy and they can afford it. they also have a doc martens collection. they have a pair of demonias but they never wear them and milo is really the only person to even know they own them, let alone see them in them. they really dont like to wear heels much, but they own a few just to play around with. they have a bad habit of wearing any laced shoes untied, but they never trip over the laces. they also use lace code- their most-worn Docs have purple laces on the right foot and yellow on the left. some of their Docs have (reclaimed) pink laces.

has an extensive pin collection including feminism pins, anti-racism pins, punk-related pins, skater-related pins, and pop culture pins (80s music, modern music, old movies, etc)

MUSIC TASTE

milo's into a lot of older music- stuff from the 50s is his favorite. really into jazz and ballroom style stuff. his favorite band is queen, i think- he likes the old-fashioned sound, the jazz-chamber-ballroom influences, the diversity of their lyrics, and the complexity between the guitar riffs, the basslines, and freddie's vocal runs as well as the vocal harmonies.

sometimes he hums good old fashioned lover boy to red and they two-step in the living room in their pajamas :pleading:

also very into rush. yes, he is a rush guy :pensive:.

also listens to a surprising amount of lo-fi? he really likes stuff that remixes older music with hip hop and lofi elements, like earl grey. nearly exclusively into instrumental stuff but also very into louie zong. he listens to it while he works a lot.

knows a lotttt of foreign artists, especially niche ones. fuckin LOVES casiopea

red's spotify is a goddamn mess. everything from 2000s emo, to classic 70s punk, to post-punk and new wave, to 90s pop, to rap. they cant be easily classified at all

their favorite bands are oingo boingo, prince, queen (they listen to a lot of their harder-rock music, but milo knows theyre into the ballads too. theyll never tell anyone else though), doja cat, lil nas, fall out boy, and billie eilish.

red recites the intro monologue to lets go crazy very seriously to make milo laugh, sometimes. they get very into it with their facial expressions. sometimes it devolves into a full air guitar/keyboard/drum and wild dancing session. milo does not know how to participate in this but he loves watching them have fun with it. sometimes they pull him off the couch to make him dance with them, though

they are a huge sucker for dark pop, vaporwave, retrowave, EDM, hip hop, emo, punk... etc etc. anything that combines any two or more of those genres in an original or interesting way gets their attention right away

there's a lot of sharing between the two of them- even though their music tastes are so different, they like a lot of the others taste, and theyre always up to listen to whatever their partner is playing.

red is a huge softie, and milo has found them more than once listening to or humming something he was playing for them the other day because it reminded them of him

speaking of which- in the 1914 canon, red can play piano. i think that carries over to a modern au, where they could play piano and by extension keyboard. i like to think they experiment with a lot of instruments but i doubt they ever really mastered any others. maybe theyre okay at drums or bass?

they learned to play and sing teo torriatte for milo, as a surprise. when they first performed it for them, they had everything set up for when he got home from work- the lights were dimmed, they had candles lit around the keyboard, they draped stuff in cloth to make it look pretty, they scattered flower petals around. when milo walked in and saw it all, he almost proposed then and there- the only thing that stopped him was that he would kick himself for the rest of his life if he did that without a ring.

HOBBIES/ACTIVITIES

milo is still an avid chess player in this, but i like to think hes in some kind of groupchat or text or discord server for it. he doesnt necessarily consider any of the others in the chat close friends, but he does know them all by name

he tries to get red into chess but they never really get it

he tells them all about the stuff that goes down in the games and they just. do not understand. but they love listening to him get excited about it anyway

"red you're not gonna BELIEVE this, eddie played an italian game on star today! i thought for sure she would see through it since everyone knows it but she slipped and he beat her in like, 13 moves! i wouldnt have believed it if i hadnt been there!"

"yes sweetie please tell me more" (barely disguised pained expression)

red is a skater and a regular at the skate park by the smithsonian

most regulars there know them by name, they can spot a newbie a mile away

they have a sticker of a broken tv with a skull inside of it on the underside of their board, its become recognized as a symbol of them unofficially

since theyre so regular and have been going there a lot longer than most of the other skaters that frequent the place, a lot of what they say is kind of just accepted as the rules

they have a bad habit of lecturing new kids who show up without knee/elbow pads or helmets at the very least. all the other skaters enforce it too. kids dont end up showing up without protective gear very often after their first visit

they brought a first aid kid and left it there and everyone has kept it stocked pretty well without them having to have much input. its kind of just a communal first aid kit

they once drew the broken tv symbol on the inside of a half-pipe and everyone started calling it red's ramp after that

they also started calling the bowl at the center of the park the Soup Bowl and now thats just accepted as the name. some of the newer kids genuinely thought that it was called that by the park and were shocked when they found out it was just a random nickname red gave it one day

theyve brought milo a few times but hes extremely awkward on his feet and could never really get his balance on a skateboard, and quite frankly red is afraid of what might happen if he tried even a low ramp, so he usually just sits at the rim of the bowl while red skates around

everyone knew he was their boyfriend before they even met him. a few of the regulars called him by name right away. one of them was certain red had brought him before.

but no

they just talk so fuckin much about him that its like they already know him

aside from skateboarding, red is pretty good on rollerskates/blades

they tried to take milo to a roller rink once but it was a disaster and they ended up going home, changing into pajamas, ordering chinese food, and marathoning movies till they fell asleep on the couch together. so not a total loss

theyre both very into movies. red is deep into horror and milo likes indie/art movies and just Cannot handle horror at all, but they both agree on old movies, from the 80s and 90s to like the 30s.

red has shown milo some of the classic horror movies and the niche old ones (from like the 40s) since theyre not difficult to stomach

every so often when red brings up wanting to see a horror movie milo is like "aw babe we can watch that tonight i promise it wont be bad" and he genuinely thinks he can handle it this time

he cant

he never can

it is always a lie

red ends up holding him every time and talking him to sleep, but it thankfully never causes like a major panic attack or anything like that

they love going to museums together, of all kinds. they love art museums. they also go to aquariums and aviaries

sometimes they like to go to other history museums and criticise the veracity or accuracy of exhibits/translations, all in good fun of course. theyre never actually being mean about it

SIDENOTES/UNCATEGORIZED

they both used to work at starbucks, when they were younger and before they worked at the smithsonian. they worked at separate stores 2 blocks from each other.

milo cant stand soda or carbonated drinks, red can and will chug a java monster in order to survive a long workday if they must. milo is constantly concerned for their health and wellbeing

they r both lightweights when it comes to drinking. they can split a six pack and both be falling-over drunk by the end of the night.

given the changes in beauty standards people DEFINITELY think milo is more attractive than they would in 1914. cmon. hes a lil twinky nerd. you think people wont eat that up?

he never really catches onto the flirting much though

did u think i would forget ki/da and the others? youd be wrong.

i simultaneously like the idea of something similar to the movie happening, but also just like... ki/da just being a regular person living on the surface. in either case they r all friends still

in the case of ki/da just being a regular person on the surface- i like the idea of atl/antis just being A Place in this au, maybe its a bit of a closed off country though? like, not many foreigners live there and to get there you basically need to be there as a diplomat or a scholar

maybe ki/da visits DC as a diplomat? she is a princess, after all

red meets audrey online cause they both yell at the same misogynistic asshole on twitter

they exchange discord names in the replies of the tweet and tell the guy not to interrupt them while theyre talking in his replies

i like to think red and milo are selected to go on an academic visit to atl/antis (to learn about the culture, with permission of the king), and audrey ends up as the mechanic on the ship during the visit and theyre like (spiderman pointing meme) at each other

red and audrey have so many inside jokes that they basically speak a different language. milo gets some of the terms from context and pop culture (they use "so very" in real life- as in "wow, that shirt is so very.") but he is hopeless to learn all of it

one of their inside jokes is any variation of "milo hot girl summer" and they REFUSE to explain it to him no matter how much he begs

milo wears that iconique tank top on the ship and they say it literally any time he bends over, picks anything up, reaches for anything, moves, BREATHES. he is bewildered and at this point concerned

(in truth, the joke came from red taking a really blurry picture of him in a short sleeve shirt where he looked pretty cute and captioned it "milo's having a hot girl summer rn" and they just could not stop repeating it once audrey met him IRL)

they have a minecraft world. i do like to believe that every so often vinny finds a way in- theyre never sure how- and griefs the shit out of them by blowing up EVERY. monument.

this post is getting long bc im enraptured by the idea of an atl/antis modern au so im cutting it off here but expect WAY MORE later

#paper_heart.txt #s: i didn't say it's the smart thing. but it is the right thing #alcohol ment tw

2 notes · View notes

official-michael-afton · 5 years ago

Photo

Made a tier list of FNaF media!!! Not counting the activity book or the security survival log because those don’t really add anything, they’re just neat activities or summaries of game info

I explained the choices under the cut, equal parts personal bias and objective opinion, so if you think differently then hey, good on ya!

Going down to up XD

The Silver Eyes Graphic Novel: Do I even need to explain this one? Rushed art with countless mistakes, horrid coloring, samey designs, the important scenes come off as bland and even goofy instead of impactful. It’s clear Pinky wasn’t used to drawing humans, the colorist had no idea what they were doing, and no one on the team made a graphic novel before. It’s laughable how bad this was XD

The Fourth Closet: Does anyone really know what happened at the end? I... really don’t like what they did with Charlie in this one. I don’t like how William was able to get out of his Springtrap- it was SUPPOSED to trap him, and yet he just... is out of it... I think the whole thing with Baby being like this hot clown girl instead of what she is in Sister Location is very... ... it exists... Tbh I respect the bold direction it took, but I honestly felt it was too much of a stretch and just didn’t work.

FNaF AR, Special Delivery: Not bad! The character models and voice acting is where the game shines most. Other than that, there isn’t really much substantial to the game other than some lore with Vanny/Ness and Luis. The gameplay can get frustrating sometimes(I cant collect remnant, read my mail, or even work on my own animatronics without DING DONG SOMEONES HERE every 5 seconds), and all you do is spin in a circle until you get glitchy, look away if they get glitchy, or zap them when they run at you. Some people probably love this game and good on them for that, but I find myself not touching it for weeks at a time.

Freddy In Space 2: GREAT game for charity, great art, great music! ... That’s all it has going for it, though. It was clear that this was a quickly made game designed to be beaten in one sitting, and it did exactly what it needed to do! Other than being amazing how it was for charity, the game doesn’t have that much going for it(except introducing Lolzhax aka BEST ROBO), so overall not bad but also did almost nothing outside of being for the Charity Livestream XD

Fazbear Frights, Into The Pit: Again, not bad! A nice collection of short stories, almost like goofy campfire horror you’d tell to kids... like goosebumps! I felt each story was REALLY lacking in some areas, but I liked the general idea they were going for. That being said, they’re moreso neat scary stories with the name FNaF attached than anything else(except maybe the first of the three). It hints that they have an overarching plot that will be covered in future books, but as of right now, I feel no one’s missing out by not reading them.

FNaF 3: A satisfying end to the original trilogy story! Purple Guy gets justice, everything gets tied together with a neat bow, and the first arc in the series comes to an end. Also Springtrap, aka my favorite. This game is riddled with neat 8-bit minigames and bits of lore, but the gameplay itself is where I find it not as good as the S A and B tiers. The new setup with the system reboots are def really interesting, but other than that, each night is just... the same thing but harder. Most other games introduce different characters on different difficulties per night, but since Springtrap is the only deadly one, it’s just... him more aggressive each night and systems failing more often. Makes the gameplay pretty repetitive and frustrating after Night 3 or so.

FNaF 4: The beginning of what I like to call the Afton saga(4, SL, FFPS, UCN)! This is when the lore began to get REALLY good... and also really confusing. Props for it taking such a bold direction by taking place in a child’s bedroom instead of in an office with cameras, its a neat change of pace! That being said, the gameplay can get frustrating and there’s a high learning curve for needing to listen to each sound the anmatronics make. Also lore wise... there really isn’t much! Just mainly focuses on what happened to this poor kid. Also the box still being a loose end... yeah.

The Twisted Ones: I enjoyed this one! It had a very interesting direction that kinda kept me guessing on what was going on, and this is when Scott really started nailing in the foreshadowing for the reveal in TFC. The Twisted animatronics are SO cool, and the introduction of those little alteration chips provided new context to games like 4 and SL! That being said, I don’t remember it being... that memorable? I also didn’t like how Charlie’s and John’s relationship was... so awkward... It was neat, but honestly nothing to really go crazy over, in my opinion.

The Silver Eyes: Honestly, I adored this book when I read it back in 2016, before Sister Location happened. At the time I wasn’t trying to connect it to any lore, so it was really great just to see a sort of retelling of the FNaF story. A lot of people complained about how long it was... I might agree if I reread it but tbh it never bothered me before. It was delightfully creepy, yet had a simple plot and wasn’t NEARLY as out there as TTO and TFC. Especially TFC. I felt this book didnt need 2 sequels and would’ve been just fine on its own, but whatcha gonna do. Carlton is forever my fav, and it’s the first time we really learn about Henry AND it was the first time we got a name for our Purple Guy: William Afton!

Sister Location: I like this one for just how bold of a game it was. I’m also including SL’s Custom Night wrapped into this package. Jam packed with lore, our first (main) game with VOICE ACTING, and honestly the humor has no right being as good as it is. I love how this not only expanded on the crying child from 4′s story, but also gives us so much Elizabeth and Michael content. The gameplay has a lot of unbalanced features and feels a little too over the place at times, but I appreciate where it was going with it!

FNaF World: ... This one is pure personal bias. A lot of people don’t like it. I adore it. Honestly I love the cute overworld, I love beating up enemies as my favorite animatronics, I love the horror, nihilism, and lore shoved into this game alongside SO MUCH humor. Update 2 was nothing short of an absolute delight and... wait, no!!! FNaF World had our first voice acting!!! So many endings and nods to other games Scott’s made, a cool scene with Desk Man/Henry and Baby, just... muah. Good content. Also Scott 57 <3

Ultimate Custom Night: Name a better way to end the Afton Saga, I’ll wait. It’s so obvious how much time, thought, and care went into this one. I love how the game rewards you with funny cutscenes the higher scores you get, and I just! So much voice acting! I love how each preset- no, each character has their own moves so every time you do a certain mode, you need to learn to manage them all and get a good strategy. I like how it’s way more strategy and skill than the RNG that many previous games had. Also, Scott!!! You managed to put this into the LORE by making it William’s hell, MUAH, couldnt have done it better!!!

FNaF 2: This one might have bias for being the peak of the fandom, but it was one of the greatest times to be in that fandom. Freaking out over the trailers, theories galore, prequel vs sequel, and just... so good. 1 didn’t have much plot, 2 DID. 2 had more mechanics and strategy to it than 1, and gave us over twice as many characters! We finally got a “face” to our killer, Mr. Purple Man, and how could I ever complain about more Phone Guy~? This one also introduced the 8-bit minigames, which became a HUGE staple for the series! Perfect expansion of the first!

Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria Simulator: The PERFECT blend of old and new gameplay. The salvage scenes are intense, the nights had a great balancing mechanic of juggling doing tasks while also avoiding animatronics, multiple endings, and a neat tycoon segment to give the player a breather... but with LORE!!! Midnight Motorist is easily one of the best tracks in the series. Also has a GREAT canonical ending, when(with paired with UCN), ties the plots of 1-6 SO nicely with a neat bow.

FNaF 1: Okay. From a personal and gameplay standpoint, I was going to put this much lower. Like B or C. That being said... this has to go in S. Yes, it has the least lore and arguably the worst gameplay(too much RNG for 4/20 mode), but this was the game. I can’t even exaggerate when I say just how much FNaF changed not only the gaming community, but especially the horror and indie communities. So many names got big from this: Markiplier, Dawko, Game Theory, The Living Tombstone, DA Games, SCOTT HIMSELF, just to name a few!!! And to think, this was originally going to be Scott’s last game! FNaF changed gaming HISTORY, and I think that alone makes this title deserving of S.

FNaF VR, Help Wanted: Okay, personal bias time, but I truly think VR deserves this S. Seeing Glitchtrap for the first time incited a panic in me that I hadn’t felt since FNaF 1 and 2. You get FNaF 1-4 in one, all in VR, WONDERFUL character models that you can WATCH MOVE!!! SO many minigames and fun challenges to play, so many neat knickknacks to collect, the Halloween update is FANTASTIC. The introduction of some great characters, such as: Glitchtrap, Vanny, Tape Girl, Dreadbear, Grim Foxy, etc!!! There’s also just- something so nice about being able to see every office and the pizzeria in 3D spaces where you can look around! Just from a gameplay and environment standpoint, this was an AMAZING addition and deserves the S.

... Thanks for listening to me ramble XD If you disagree... then good for you! I won’t fight anyone on this, I’m aware that this is a lot of personal bias. But if you made it this far... thanks for hearing me ramble!!!!

#fnaf #infodump #fnaf tier list #five nights at freddy's

59 notes · View notes

vodkabite · 5 years ago

Text

Our Little Secret - Act 1, Preview

To liven the mood inside the dimly lit basement, while cursing at the horribly cheap lightbulbs she bought from the Circle K off Elmwood, Nicole shares a random fact she knows: Superman didn’t always fly; in the beginning he could only leap over buildings, but the animators for the animated series they were doing in the 40s thought it would be too difficult to constantly draw his knees bending, it was easier to draw him in one pose and have him fly.

And how Major League Baseball once had female players; the first was Lizzy Arlington, who pitched during the ninth inning for the Reading Coal Heavers in 1898 and won her team the game, and a little over 30 years later, an African-American woman, Jackie Mitchell, pitched against the Yankees during an exhibition game, striking out both Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig.

Nicole’s always been one for sharing random facts about things, especially to the break an awkward silence or change someone’s mood. And while Waverly is probably sure that the alpha spends her downtime at the station searching the internet for new things to talk about, she finds it cute. Adorable even, the way it eases the tediousness of doing laundry.

And as she crosses her legs, letting her feet dangle freely in the air against the side of the filing cabinet she sits upon, Waverly stares at Nicole from the corner of her eyes. Through the loose strands of hair that have fallen to form a curtain against the side of her face.

A thought crosses Waverly’s mind: I want to know you, see you, feel you.

Nicole grabs a heap of clothes from the dryer, mostly blacks and grays, and puts them on the folding table for separation. Her hands and fingers glide over the different fabrics, gripping the end of a sleeve or hooking under a collar and swiftly folding them to make a pile. The veins swimming through her wrists and up her arms quietly peeking out from beneath her skin—Waverly licks her lips. It feels nice, getting to be alone with Nicole without constant distractions and interruptions.

She has a great smile, a disarmingly perfect smile, and Waverly wants to see more of it.

The past few years had chipped away the once frequent sight of it, leaving a tightly lipped, exhausted, and irritable grin in its wake. Nicole grits her teeth more often now, due to frustration and impatience. The tension in her muscles defining the sharp curve of her jawline; a feature that hadn’t gotten lost with the weight gain.

Waverly folds another shirt, one of Nicole’s many black undershirts, and leaves it closer to her side than the others.

It’s comforting.

Though, the omega notices the pinched nerve expression on the alpha’s face. Frustration rippling through the air as she organizes the clothes into neat piles, sometimes refolding the same pile several times until all the shirts are in uniform.

Being a police officer, even in a dull town like Purgatory, must be hard; clocking in early and signing stacks of paperwork every day, patrolling the monotonously boring streets just hoping for some excitement. Waverly can’t imagine that coming home is any easier: having to make sure Wynonna and Willa don’t kill each other, driving Waverly to school in the morning and from cheerleading practice in the afternoons.

With Mama being gone so often, Nicole is the only adult who can keep the house in order. Doesn’t help that the washing machine turns off again. The on button keeps coming unstuck during the middle of cycles, needing to be pressed to resume working.

And each time, Nicole presses it with more and more force.

The tension is palpable and she wonders if the alpha had ever… done anything to ease her frustrations.

Waverly is reminded of the times she laid at night with her bedroom door closed after a long and stressful day, searching the internet for a video to masturbate to. The front pages of the sites she usually visits are oversaturated with amateur videos that are less than five minutes long with abysmal film and sound quality, or the more professionally done videos that are always filled with cheesy, half-baked storylines barely stitched together by basic comprehension of plot structure and graphic closeups. Not to mention the overly exaggerated moans by the actors and the director’s near obsessive need to always include at least one POV shot.

But what interests her, is that they all shared the same kind of theme: relieving tension. Whether it’d be an injured frustrated patient getting a blowjob from their extremely busty nurse, or the pool boy being seduced by a woman twice his age who’s frustrated by the lack of attention from her husband, as though sex and all aspects of it is simply a means to an end.

Waverly looks to Nicole again, shoving another batch of clothes into the dryer.

“Nicole?” The alpha turns to her, giving a final dirty look at the washing machine before settling down, more to hide what she feels so the omega wouldn’t see; pretending that nothing is wrong.

But Waverly knows better.

Dropping down from the filing cabinet, Waverly pulls Nicole by her wrists, bringing the alpha to stand in front of her.

“Nicole, I… you…” The words die on her tongue.

Instead, her hands speak for her. Running up Nicole’s forearms, pressing lightly against the veins to feel the alpha’s pulse thrum vibrantly beneath the pad of her thumb. Nicole is frozen still, confused. But her skin responds brilliantly. A shiver runs through, goosebumps rising in its wake as Waverly’s hands find their way over her biceps.

Waverly’s hands continue their exploration: the hardness of her shoulders, the softness of her sides, the muscles of her back, fingertips lightly drifting down the curve of her spine; committing each and every detail to memory. Finally, she reaches the hem of Nicole’s old basketball shorts. Her excitement grows, much like a fever as she slips a finger past the waistband. Breath hitching at the thin hairs that bristle against her index finger. Immediately, the omega’s hands are pulled away. The alpha’s grip is strong, her honey-golden eyes searching Waverly’s own.

For a moment, no one moves.

Part of Waverly fears that she has crossed a line she won’t be able to take back, but the other part, the eager and hungry side of her, takes hold and she takes the deadly plunge. Pulling Nicole forward and kissing her.

Nicole is tense at first, though, she soon quickly melts against Waverly. The acceptance brings forth another surge of confidence; the omega presses their bodies together, adamant in keeping less than a sliver of space between them. Backing into the washing machine that had now sputtered and died, for the third time that afternoon, Nicole is the one who breaks the kiss first. Taking the lead and picking Waverly up and placing the omega on top of the washer.

Even though the red blush that colors her face burns like hell itself, Waverly pulls the basketball shorts low enough to reach through the alpha’s boxers for her cock.

She thumbs at the top of her cock gently, rubbing the sticky drop of precome around with the pad of her thumb, making a mess of the wet spot that grows against the fabric, but the way Nicole inhales deeply above her shakes Waverly to her core. Dear God, fuck, is it everything she’s ever imagined. Waverly presses the flat of her palm along the thick shaft, firmly squeezing and effectively choking off another moan before it can even form. Sliding her other hand down to pull her boxers off, Nicole takes the initiative to help, springing herself free. Uncharacteristically, Waverly stares at the hardened member resting against the cold metal edge of the washing machine between her legs. Awkwardness quickly gives way to awe and hungry praise when she wraps her hand around the shaft and feels a pulse.

Waverly finally begins to stroke Nicole, she does it slowly, still mesmerized by the sounds the alpha makes because of her. It’s a bit too dry without some sort of slick to ease the fiction, so, much like what she’s seen countless of times online, she licks her palm. The wetness makes it slippery, easier, gaining Waverly a high-pitched groan that makes her toes curl; warmth spreading through her chest.

Nicole starts to buck into Waverly’s hand and the omega can only watch, spellbound by her rutting hips desperately trying to reach climax. Letting go, she pulls the Nicole into another kiss, roping her arms around the alpha’s shoulders to keep her in place.

Yet, they break away for a quick second. Waverly wants to whine for the momentary lack of contact, but is shocked still as Nicole mounts the otherwise small surface of the washing machine. It creaks and groans helplessly under their combined weight, and while she wonders if the poor thing can actually support them both, she gasps at how roughly Nicole moves into her, hand accidentally slamming onto the on button.

The omega doesn’t know what hits her first: the vibrations shaking her entire body to the core, or Nicole’s cock slipping beneath the leg of her shorts and rubbing against the front of her sex.

Her cheeks burn hot with another wave of heat flooding between her thighs. Nicole never looks at her, just keeps her eyes screwed shut as though she knows that as much as eye contact turns Waverly on, the omega won’t be able to last with it. Nicole moves faster, rolling into the feeling like her life depended on it; the friction of the alpha’s solid weight moving against her clit is enough to drive Waverly wild. And as such, a sharp cant of Nicole hips leaves her shattered.

Nicole isn’t far behind, her thrusts start to falter; her speed and intensity wane considerably under the consistent vibrations bringing her towards that inevitable—

“Waves?” She blinks and Nicole stands before her, concerned. “Are you alright? I asked if you wanted to order pizza and you just spaced out on me.”

A hand is placed to Waverly’s forehead. “Hm, you don’t have a fever.”

“No, no, I-I was just… daydreaming,” She says saving face, sounding breathier than she wants to. Nicole shrugs her shoulders and finishes up the rest of the laundry, kicking at the washing machine, cursing it and murmuring that she’ll need to buy another one.

All Waverly can do is breath a sigh of relief when no one is looking.

#wearp #wayhaught #fic: our little secret #preview #mine #*fic

23 notes · View notes

spookyspaghettisundae · 6 years ago

Text

The Ultimate Trip

He stank of booze and weeks of built-up body odor. The stench had baked itself into his many layers of tattered clothing. Not like he could tell. Nor did he care.

Clive had been a vagrant for the better part of the past decade. His relatives had died away due to natural causes, the lives of his wife and son were taken in a bus accident, and when he got laid off from his well-paid job and failed to find new employment after repeated tries, he lost all will to live.

That’s when he started doing drugs. Not the harmless kind, either—the hard stuff. The kind that made him lose most of his teeth. But also the only shit that pulled him out of this world, thrusting him onto different planes of existence, bubbles of fleeting, existential bliss that let him experience short-lived escapes from the tragedy and horrors of the real world.

Once he had flushed his money down the drain, he didn’t bother collecting unemployment money. Or applying for any programs. He had spent so much time on the streets, in the worse parts of the city, that he didn’t see the point.

The Man was out to get him, anyway. Why be a slave to the system?

He huddled in a corner. Concrete walls—huge arcs supporting the bridge—shielded him from harsh wintry winds. Wallowing in his own filth, ignorant of how badly he reeked.

And torn inside.

He wanted that fix. Needed it. But the last few trips had been something else.

Larry, another guy from his part of the slums, walked into Clive’s lousy little alcove. Clive shivered in the cold, rubbed his cocaine-damaged nose as it ran, and didn’t even bother looking up at his “old friend.” Larry remained standing and wordlessly leaned against the wall next to Clive.

Plastic and paper crinkled when Larry pulled a crushed pack of cigarettes from his jacket’s pocket. He produced a crumpled up cigarette from its nearly empty insides and held it out in front of Clive.

Clive still didn’t bother looking up and snatched the smoke out of Larry’s hand.

Again, Clive rubbed away the snot leaking from his nostril and asked in an unfriendly tone, “You here to sell?”

“Course,” Larry said, placing another cigarette in between his own lips and using a cheap plastic lighter to ignite Clive’s for him, then his own.

They both took long drags and blew out some smoke. Weird how the flame made you think of warmth, but the smoking only made you feel colder. Clive had thought that many times, a musing that seemed profound in moments of sobriety, but always slipped his mind in the ensuing drug-fueled trips.

“The usual?”

Larry took another drag and then answered while blowing out smoke, rendering his voice raspier and weaker, “Sorta. Different supplier, bit cheaper—”

“None o’ that shit, Linus.” Clive always called Larry by his real name when he started getting impatient. “I want a good solid ride to paradise again.”

“Why? You win the Powerball, or something? Look at Mister moneybags here, gettin’ all picky. What’s wrong with the cheap stuff?”

Clive sighed and then inhaled more smoke before responding. He could feel the biting breeze of cold wintry winds cease, as if the air itself was waiting.

Waiting for him to say it.

“Takes me closer to the other side.”

Larry’s level of annoyance rapidly shot up, audible in his tone when he asked, “The hell does that mean?”

Clive shrugged. He did not want to elaborate. Other dealers had cut him off when he got too graphic about what he had experienced on his recent trips. He also wondered if The Man would get to him, if The Man had something to do with it. Clive had heard such, and he knew there had to be a grain of truth to it: that the government was lacing drugs with experimental substances to run tests on inter-dimensional travel. Or mind control. Or something.

Clive thought it might be bullshit, but he believed it anyway. And the horrors he had been witnessing felt real enough to him. That’s all that mattered.

Larry’s question pierced the cold air around them.

“You buying, or do I need to come back another day?”

Clive let that inquiry hang in the air, much like the clouds of cigarette smoke only slowly dispersing around them in the absence of wind. He wiped away more snot—the fabric of the back of his fingerless cloth glove soaked it up.

“Yeah, whatever. Fuck.”

Larry blew out more smoke.

“Whatever? Fuck, man, I’m doin’ you a favor here. You know how often you get the best prices? I know you can’t afford it, but I’m always lookin’ out for you.”

Clive said nothing to that. He knew the cant. All dealers talked like that, in some variation. He used to work in marketing, he knew how many people fell for that crap. Clive didn’t need to fall for it, all he needed was his fix.

He crammed around in his pockets and produced the dollar bills and change he had gathered from begging that day and held it out to Larry. It was a small meal and a beer—or this. He could go another day without food, but he couldn’t go another day without a high to send him flying. Fleeing this awful world, soaring over greener pastures.

The slimy dealer took his money and handed him a small transparent baggie containing three yellow pills with smiley faces.

“Later, man,” Larry said as he quickly left, scurrying off to visit his next “friends.”

Clive’s hands trembled as he stared at the contents of the bag. The worst stuff he could have gotten. Larry and the other local dealers had been pushing these smiley pills lately. The first time Clive had tripped on them was when the trouble started.

Normally, his trips took him to places. Better places. Pleasant. But he was no stranger to bad trips, in fact, he had racked up quite a few of them over the years.

Nothing like what these things could do.

The smileys stared at him through the plastic wall of the baggie that contained them, through their hollow, dead eyes. Their stupid grin resembled something that kids were supposed to like, but all they did was creep Clive out. Or mock him.

Addiction really had sunken its fangs deep into Clive’s body. And into his soul. He needed a fix—any fix. But none of them filled him with such profound dread as this new designer drug did. He couldn’t complain, really, because this was all he could afford.

Every time, this shit took him closer to a dark place.

In his mind, he called it the obsidian mirror. A surface of smooth, black stone, reflecting his own image in tiny windows between irregular patterns of jagged, knife-like edges. In some, he saw his own miserable existence. In others, he saw his better self, better times. And for some moments, he saw glimpses of his past life. Of the good times. And times that never were, but could have been. All that could have been, all that could have been good. Of times when he had looked into the mirror, thought he was something like a god, on top of the world, high on life. Before everything had gone to shit.

But on these trips, he felt something else. A presence. Like someone standing right behind you, breathing down your neck, looking over your shoulder. But it was in front of him, staring back through that obsidian mirror.

He hoped it would be different this time. Third time’s a charm, right?

Prayed—he prayed to God, something he had never done throughout his entire life—that this time would not be like the first two times he had tried out this smiley-faced drug, fabricated by sadistic drug cooks hailing from the darkest depths of hell.

His shaky fingers scrambled to open the baggie and take out one of the pills. He popped it into his mouth, sending it straight past his chapped lips. Bitter, hard, dry. He swallowed the drug, forcing it, almost choking on it, with nothing to wash it down his throat. But this, too, was not a first for him—it went down.

It would take some minutes to kick in, but he knew it acted fast.

Clive tried to think of pleasant things, of those better times. Of another world where life was still good. Or even better than it ever used to be. Maybe he could steer the trip in the right direction.

But his mind returned to what he had seen the last two times. Something mirroring his movements. Something hidden almost entirely—but lurking on the edges of his perception. Preying on him, sneaking around him. As he wandered towards that obsidian mirror, trying to see the movies of good lives play back in those many reflections, something else mirrored his movements. Drawing closer. Moving towards the obsidian mirror.

From the other side.

Behind him, in front of him. Everywhere.

Reaching out with something. Not a hand. At least not a human one.

In one of the reflections, he saw his wife, Elaine. So real that he could touch her, that he burned with desire to feel the softness of her skin. Instead, Clive touched the smooth surface of the obsidian, saw it mirroring his movements, but the movie continued to play in it.

A warm embrace in a warm place, a place of solace.

His memories of his last trip lingered, flowed into the drugs kicking in now. Or it had kicked in already, and his imagination and the trip had fully merged halfway. Clive tried desperately to hold onto that bliss, those fragments of a good trip before they turned dark.

Before the thing drew closer.

This was no simple trip, Clive thought. Colors invaded the edges of his sight and before he knew it, he heard music in the distance. He could not tell if it was real or not, but it was there. These drugs. The obsidian mirror.

Right there, in front of him. Many steps away, but enticing him. With those thousands of tiny pictures of a better life, displaying moving pictures like myriads of TV screens. None of them bad, all of them pleasant this time. Clive smiled, but also felt tension building up. Anxiety.

This was no mere trip. This was a veil between worlds.

A thin one.

He craved the warmth of the memories of his loved ones. It drew him closer to the black mirror.

And so did his dark reflection, approaching the veil from the other side.

Clive lost focus, could see himself playing video games with his son in one place, but also an ominous figure standing there, watching them from the shadows the TV screen cast upon the wall. He could see himself in the office with some colleagues, lighting up cigars and toasting with some booze to a successful deal, but also hands reaching out, hundreds of hands, microscopic hands hidden in the flames of the cigar. He could see his wife’s beautiful face, almost feel the soft texture of her lips when they kissed, but also hollow eye sockets staring at them through the window.

Clive shivered. In this other-world, or in the real world. None of that was clear, the lines began to blur.

“There’s nothing to be afraid of,” Clive said. His reflection said. But was that really him? He wanted to think that it was, but he didn’t want to say that out loud. Didn’t believe it.

He was afraid.

The obsidian wall with its many pictures of beauty and wonder and happiness beckoned him. Finally close enough to touch it, he reached out with a hand and let his fingertips glide over its surface.

“I want to be free,” Clive said in the mirror.

Something stung with delay, like feeling the pinprick of a needle after the fact. He withdrew his hand and saw a thin rivulet of blood flowing down his fingertip, emerging from a tiny wound where he had cut himself on a razor-like edge of the obsidian.

“Look how the blood is free,” Clive said. But his voice came from everywhere, and nowhere. And muffled, as if hearing himself speak while wearing headphones, or hearing himself from the other side of the mirror.

His heart began to race. He wanted to run, but he needed to see. To see that life that could have been, with Elaine. The one where the accident never happened. The life where things turned out right. But fear gripped his heart.

It was there. The reflection. The thing that tried to pass as him, but was not him.

Although this looked like the best moments of his life and all the good that could have been, it was all unreal.

A trap.

The obsidian mirror was thinner than it looked. Clive struggled to move, paralyzed with cold and merciless fear. He twitched with feeble attempts to move and run but his body did not obey. Being frozen thus allowed him to see what was true—that the mirror was more like a window. A thin one, like a sheet of ice, though black and concealing what lied beyond—dark as the souls of the people who had made this drug, dark as the ones who convinced him to take this drug.

As his own soul, because it was he who chose to take it.

“Free. Free me.”

Clive reached out again, and smeared his blood across the smooth surface. He suffered more cuts across his fingertips, though the pain always arrived with delay, numbed by the spinning sensations of the trip, rendering it almost unreal. The black stone absorbed his lifeblood like the gloves had soaked up his snot. The wall pulsated like living flesh, bulging outward—ever so slightly.

He felt sick, needed to throw up.

Clive pushed forward, and the mirror yielded. It engulfed his hand up to the wrist like a thick viscous fluid, wrapping around it like slime or tar. Then it gently pulled back, pulling him forward, like his kid used to when he tried to drag Clive through the store.

The hollow eyes in the mirror—or just beyond it—stared back at Clive. Uncaring.

Swallowing all those memories, dreams, and could-have-beens. As they vanished, one by one, he could see the shadows beyond more clearly. Swallowing those wishes. Swallowing him. Spitting the man back out on the other side.

His skin was crawling. Like swarms of ants had built a colony underneath his skin and now rebelled, trying to break out of every pore with the fire of a million needles stinging his flesh. Then it stopped. Going from a living nightmare to such a pure numb bliss, that was how he had imagined dying. Sweet release from this shitty, mortal coil.

But Clive was not dead, he had arrived in another world. The trip had finally worked, perhaps in a way that other addicts only dreamt of—a trip that had taken him to another place. Not that it was a good place, though. Rather, it looked and felt like a dark reflection of the real world.

Plants that were not plants grew out of cracks and looked like blossoming crystalline growths, glowing with dim white lights. A purple sky with alien creatures soaring through the air like floating fish, wings wobbling and rippling like jelly. And black glass surfaces, everywhere. Like a magnificent blast had scorched the earth and turned it to glass, somewhen deep into the past or the future. Obsidian, everywhere.

Not reflecting Clive’s thoughts, not giving him surfaces to project his memories and dreams onto, but unyielding and uncaring. The trip had ended. Sobriety kicked in.

The mirror behind him was a wall. Still thin, but still solid. Impossible for him to break through in his pathetic state of body and weakened state of mind. He hammered his fists against it in futility, till the sharp edges had turned his hands bloody. It would take some time for the numbness to wane, for him to realize that this was not just his imagination—that these wounds were real. That these wounds would stay, and that the scent of his blood would attract things to him. Hungry things.

Something else had taken up residence on the other side—on his side. In the other real world. His side no more, for it dawned on him that there would be no way back from here. Whether or not the shadow had taken his body or just traded places with him, he could not tell. He only knew that this something felt a desire to explore, to see what dreams it could drink, what memories it could destroy. Something that thirsted for attention, something that craved the high of escaping one world to explore another. Much like he had sought.

Something evil.

—Submitted by Wratts

4 notes · View notes

games-sport · 2 years ago

Text

What if you could upgrade your old motherboard with a new GPU?-GAMES sport

Also read :New NVIDIA 16 Series GPU: What to Expect-GAMES sport

What if you could upgrade your old motherboard with a new GPU? Well, it turns out that you can! I recently got my hands on an AMD RX 6800XT and decided to see what would happen if I used it on my Intel motherboard from 2010!

Also read :RTX Mode in GTX Cards: How to Get the Most Out of Your GTX 1080Ti ?-GAMES sport

Why Upgrade

Also read :What We Can Expect From GTA6: Rockstar's Newest Grand Theft Auto Game-GAMES sport

You see, it’s common in today’s society to hold onto our electronics for far too long. We often look at buying something like a computer or monitor and think it still works fine, so I’ll just buy something newer next time. And then next time comes, and we do it again until eventually we have older technology sitting in our homes that just isn’t cutting it anymore. Why not take advantage of all those old parts that are lying around? Why not put them to good use instead of throwing them away? With a little elbow grease and some extra cash, you can breathe new life into your old PC by simply upgrading its graphics card.

The Question: How to do?

Also read : How to Build a Budget Gaming PC in 2022: What to Consider-GAMES sport

What if I told you that not only can you put a newer GPU in an older system, but it will make it run faster. Well, there is nothing really new about putting higher-end GPUs in lower-end systems (or even just using multiple low-end GPUs), however today we’re going to show how to do it without breaking anything. You see while these may be seen as low end cards they are still powerful enough to handle many of today’s games at 1080p and have quite a bit of life left in them. With these steps you can breathe new life into an older PC or use one of those low end cards for mining Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies! In fact, you don’t even need to buy any extra parts – all you need is already inside your computer case. But before we begin... If you like what you see here and want more then please follow to our site, like our Article and share on social media. It helps us out by letting us know what kind of content works best for you guys so we can focus on bringing more great stuff your way! Let's get started: How to Upgrade Your Motherboard with a New GPU

Start by turning off your computer power supply then removing its cover. Inside, locate your video card and unplug it from any power connectors or PCI-E slots. Next, remove any screws holding down your video card to your case and carefully lift it out of its slot. If there are any cables attached to your video card (power, monitor etc.) disconnect them before moving on. Now that we have our old video card removed we can start working on installing our new one! Grab yourself a newer model graphics card (in my case I went with an AMD Radeon RX 6800XT) and line up its mounting holes over those in your system’s case.

Also read :Why GTA 5 Hasn't Been Released on Mobile Phones-GAMES sport

Problems

If your using a old motherboard and upgrading to a Newer GPU like mine or other midrange or high-end GPUs, then your going to run into problems. Your not going to be able to use them at their full potential because they were designed for newer motherboards that have more space between PCI slots, and also they supported currently newer version of PCLe version like 5.0 but your old motherboard support only PCle 2.0, then you cant use its full potential. So what can i do? Well there is one way around it. You can get an adapter that allows you to put in a newer GPU onto an older motherboard. There are many companies out there making these adapters such as MSI, EVGA, Zotac etc... But when looking at those adapters make sure they are compatible with your current GPU and Motherboard. They should say something like Support NVIDIA GTX 1060 6GB on it. Then look up specs on your current Motherboard and compare them to see if they match up.

#gaming #motherboard #gaming pc #game #ps5

0 notes

arashtadjiki · 5 years ago

Text

Modding a 10 Year Old Game - Grand Theft Auto IV

(extremely sentimental intro)

My first foray into game development (if you could even call it that) was modding. I’ve always been a sucker for immersion and realism in games, and as a fan of RPG’s, I love the feeling of belonging to a virtual world, and being able to engage in open, dynamic gameplay. This is what mods do best, taking an existing game-world, rules, and limits, and extending them to allow for many more hours of exploration and interactivity.

In Fallout: New Vegas, I loved pretending to be some kind of nomadic gun merchant, roaming the deserts of Nevada and living life rough. In Skyrim, I spent hours as a high society landlord, buying and renting every house in Whiterun, and hiring bodyguards to do my bidding. In both games, I had already played the story missions, and gone through all the available guilds and side-quests. However, I still enjoyed being part of such detailed game environments. Mods allow players like myself to run right past the storyline and do whatever weird, niche activity we want.

modding GTA IV

Another title with a fantastic modding community behind it is Grand Theft Auto IV. A lot of people don’t like this game compared to the brighter, goofier titles in the GTA series, but personally, it’s always been my favorite. Even though the graphics have begun to show their age, GTA IV’s rendition of Liberty City feels so authentic.

I’m still shocked at the amount of detail Rockstar managed to pack inside this game. Cab drivers pour coffee out of their driver’s side windows, pedestrians throw cigarette butts on the sidewalk, people get into arguments and conversations all without any input from the player. The city feels incredibly alive, and carries on regardless. Liberty City is filthy, covered in a layer of grime, garbage and haze. Walking around places like Hove Beach evokes all of my favorite films like Taxi Driver, Donnie Brasco, and Lord of War.

With such an intricate city to roam around in, I always wanted mods to make GTA IV more realistic. Thankfully, there are a lot of mods available aimed at doing this. Unfortunately, as the game and modding community are almost a decade old, many of the forums and sites dedicated to modding GTA IV are no longer available. Thankfully, some sites like GTAinside, and GTAforums are still kicking.

Modding GTA IV requires a couple things. First of all, if you have it on Steam, you’ll want to downgrade the game to Version 1.0.7 or 1.0.4. Next, you’ll need something called a ScriptHook, and an ASI loader. Basically, these make it possible to load custom scripts into the game. A guide on how to install these can be found here. Once installed, you’ll have a scripts folder inside your game directory. Most mods for GTA IV are scripts, but things like effects or textures that have to do with actual game data will have more complex installations. Typically, you’ll have to overwrite files in the common directory, so be sure to make a backup before you do.

Now that you’re ready to add some mods to your game, the only annoying part is making sure they’re all compatible with each other and don’t crash the game. Since I love realism mods, a lot of the ones I found where from this list. I really recommend ones like Arrest Warrant, Bank Account, Interactivity, and Bleed & Heal. I’ve found it makes the game a lot more challenging when you really have to be careful of how you approach combat, and when you also can’t magically carry an entire arsenal of weapons.

my mod for GTA IV

One thing I always wanted in Grand Theft Auto IV was a riot mode. I’m still amazed Rockstar never had a cheat for this in IV or V like it did in San Andreas or Vice City. Looking around online, I found a couple good mods that attempted to implement this, namely Ambient Wars by “IronHide” and Crossfire by user “my ammo crate”.

Ambient Wars is extremely detailed and provides a lot of features, but unfortunately seems to crash quite a bit. It’s also not compatible with version 1.0.7 of the game, which is problematic. That being said, it does a lot of neat things like spawn drive-by crews, gangsters and police all over the city, making it a lot of fun to try and survive amidst the mayhem.

Crossfire is a smaller, less-robust mayhem mod, but does work pretty well. The script basically spawns groups of police and criminals in a radius around the player and makes them fight each other, with the player in the middle. While the script does what it’s supposed to , it has a lot of potential for more features - so I decided to make my mod an updated, better version of Crossfire.

You can find the source code for Crossfire here on my GitHub.

getting started

My script for GTA IV was pretty simple, but it did need a few things to work with the scripthook. First of all, you’ll need an IDE that can spit out a class library, or .DLL file - I use Visual Studio 2017.

You’ll also need to reference two libraries - ScriptHookDotNet.dll. I wrote my mod in C# so I used the .NET Scripthook, which can be found here. You will also need a reference to System.Windows.Forms.dll.

Starting out, you’ll need the following include statements before you start writing your code :

using System; using System.Collections.Generic; using System.Windows.Forms; using GTA; using GTA.Native;

Because we’re referencing the ScriptHook, we have access to the GTA library, which is really neat. Thankfully, RAGE is a great engine, and exposes a lot of handy functions that make modding pretty simple.

If you’re writing in C#, you’ll need to specify a namespace, and declare a class. Make sure your class extends Script. This is part of GTA’s library that allows our script to be run in the game:

namespace Mod { public class MyMod : Script

...

Scripts in GTA IV are run in-game in two ways. Firstly, they can specify a function to be run by a tick, which is specified in the script class’s constructor:

Interval = Settings.GetValueInteger("INTERVAL", "SETTINGS", 1000);

this.Tick += new EventHandler(Event_Tick);

Secondly, they can specify functions to be run on key presses.

BindKey(Settings.GetValueKey("Toggle Script", "SETTINGS", Keys.F10), new KeyPressDelegate(ScriptOn));

As you can see, in the first case, we’re setting our interval to one second (1000 ms). This means that the game will go into our script each second. The game also needs something to run, though. To satisfy this, we add an event handler to our interval tick, which is on the second line. Here, we are passing the function “Event_Tick” as the function the game will call every second.

In the second case, we are binding a key to a function. Using GTA’s BindKey function, we are assigning F10 to the function “ScriptOn”.

At this point, the mod is technically working. If you throw this empty script into the your scripts folder, the game will load it. Just press the ~ key at any time, and you’ll see a message in the console stating it’s been loaded. The console is really handy, as it will spew output if it encountered any errors.

writing the mod itself!

Now that we have the skeleton of the mod up and running, we can actually make it do stuff. For my mod, I wanted the functionality of Crossfire, but with more mayhem. I also noticed that Crossfire had a lot of trouble placing and spawning its NPC’s, which i’d like to fix.

Spawning a pedestrian in GTA IV is easy, and really just needs this function call:

Ped ped = World.CreatePed(Model model, Player.Character.GetOffsetPosition(new Vector3(float x, float y, 0.0f)).ToGround());

Basically, you have to specify what model you want to use for the pedestrian, and where you want it. Pedestrian is the class that GTA IV uses to describe any person in the game. Even the player class contains a Ped object, which has all kinds of handy information, like if the pedestrian is alive, driving a vehicle, speaking, etc.

Choosing a model for your pedestrian is easy - all you need is a string or hash to an existing model in game. Thankfully, there is a list of these online: https://gtamods.com/wiki/List_of_models_hashes. If you want to spawn a pedestrian who’s a fat cop, just put the string “M_M_FATCOP_01″ as your model.

As for the spawn location, you can spawn a pedestrian anywhere, but you’ll probably want them somewhere close to the player. Using the GetOffsetPosition function, you can specify a location relative to the player, and use the ToGround() function to ensure that the pedestrian wont spawn mid-air. This will attempt to place them on a surface nearby. CreatePed can still fail, though. If the game cant place a pedestrian, it will return a null pointer, so be sure to check that the Ped object you get isn’t null.

Another thing! Since this is a game engine, things like garbage collection are very important. RAGE probably uses a lot of smart pointers and weak pointers behind the scenes, so you can’t use the conventional check of == NULL to check if an object is available or not. Pedestrians are often deleted and removed from the memory heap, so if you want to check that a GTA game object still exists, use the .Exists() functions, rather than checking for a null pointer.

Once you have your pedestrian object, you can apply all kinds of things to it. Just be sure to call the function ped.BecomeMissionCharacter(), so the game doesn’t garbage collect your pedestrian. Keep in mind that when you die, all the pedestrians you made will be garbage collected. This is a good thing. If you spawn too many pedestrians, the game will crash, so keep that in mind too.

I’m still learning how the AI works in GTA IV, but you can define a lot of behavior with a few simple calls like this:

ped.RelationshipGroup = RelationshipGroup.Cop; ped.ChangeRelationship(RelationshipGroup.Criminal, Relationship.Hate); ped.ChangeRelationship(RelationshipGroup.Dealer, Relationship.Hate); ped.ChangeRelationship(RelationshipGroup.Player, Relationship.Respect); ped.MaxHealth = 100; ped.Health = 100; ped.Armor = 50;

In this code snippet, i’ve put the pedestrian in the Cop “relationship group”. This is GTA’s way of sorting NPC’s into criminals, civilians, and police. I’ve also told the pedestrian to hate any NPC who is in the Criminal or Dealer group, and to “respect” the player (because they kept shooting at me on sight).

I also gave the pedestrian a health threshold and some armor.

Now to give them more orders:

ped.Task.FightAgainstHatedTargets(200);

ped.Weapons.AssaultRifle_M4.Ammo = 999999;

Here, i’m telling the ped to fight against hated NPCs in a radius of 200 units. I also gave him an assault rifle with a ton of ammo. So there you have it, there’s a cop.

For the criminals, I added a couple other things to make things more interesting:

ped.RelationshipGroup = RelationshipGroup.Criminal; ped.ChangeRelationship(RelationshipGroup.Cop, Relationship.Hate); ped.ChangeRelationship(RelationshipGroup.Civillian_Male, Relationship.Hate); ped.ChangeRelationship(RelationshipGroup.Civillian_Female, Relationship.Hate); ped.ChangeRelationship(RelationshipGroup.Fireman, Relationship.Hate); ped.ChangeRelationship(RelationshipGroup.Bum, Relationship.Hate); ped.ChangeRelationship(RelationshipGroup.Medic, Relationship.Hate); ped.ChangeRelationship(RelationshipGroup.Player, Relationship.Neutral); ped.MaxHealth = 100; ped.Health = 100; ped.Armor = 0; ped.WantedByPolice = true; ped.StartKillingSpree(true); Blip blip = ped.AttachBlip(); blips.Add(ped, blip);

As you can see, i’ve basically told the criminal pedestrian to hate literally everybody. This guy will open fire on anybody he sees. I also made him wanted by police, and to start a killing spree for maximum mayhem.

Now, police automatically have mini-map blips in the game, but criminals don’t. So, I attached a blip for the criminals. I also added the blip to a Dictionary that holds key-pairs of Pedestrians and Blips, so I can turn them off when the pedestrian dies. This way the map wont be flooded with the dots of fallen NPCs.

I also have a PedCollection for my pedestrians. This is a data structure provided by the GTA library meant for holding Pedestrian objects. I want to be able to keep track of every Pedestrian I spawn, and remove their blips when they die, etc.

what does the mod do?

The pedestrian spawning is really the meat and bones of the script. On top of that, I cap the total spawned and alive pedestrians at 64. Every tick, I do a “Cull”, where I go through and remove and dead pedestrians from the list, remove their blips, and allow for more space for new spawns. This way, the game never crashes and there’s always a steady flow of police and criminals running around.

I also implemented a wave system, so that three waves of criminals spawn, and then one wave of police. I did this because the criminals aren’t as well armed or armored, and get killed so quickly, while the police stay alive a lot longer.

One other feature I added is a weapon tier system. Each wave of goons is assigned a weapon tier (Melee, Pistols, Fully Armed). This way, one way has knives and baseball bats, while another has AK-47s, to mix things up.

When you start the mod using K+L, it spawns waves on a timer, and does cleanup in between. When you end the mod with L+K, or die, the script will do another cleanup, killing all spawned NPCs and removing any blips from the map. You can also use the mod without waves, by pressing F9 or F10 to spawn waves dynamically.

So that’s it! My mod used the Crossfire script as a starting point and turned it into more of a wave style format, with more weapon customization and better placement. I added a lot of randomization to the spawning, so that NPC’s aren’t spawning inside of each other, etc. I will be sure to post a video of gameplay soon.

If you want to try out my mod, you can download the script here!

happy modding!

#GTA IV #modding #game dev #mod

0 notes

smosh-stuff · 8 years ago

Text

THE TIME HAS C O M E

So, as a preface to this, I would like to clarify; there are like, three basic types of high school au.

The cheesy 90's movie type, with stereotypical groupings (I.E, theres the jock, and the Nerd, and the goths, ect.)

The Normal type, which is literally just the characters/people in a high school setting. Nothing special, but still enjoyable.

And then. There is the angst type. Family issues, reckless behavior, mental issues, found family/breakfast club-esque situation.

Take one look at the links I provided in the last post about it and guess which one I went with. (I'm a sucker for hurt/comfort found family shit dON’T JUDGE ME) I should point out, none of this is supposed to reflect the crew's actual situations growing up. I know for the most part their families are great and cool people and I don't mean any disrespect to them by writing this!! Just imagine that any and all family members are basically OC's.

Also I sort of thought all of this up through short pieces of self-indulgent writing so this is all sort of based around a fic??? So any situational bits like that you can change or ignore if you want. I aint some gatekeeper my dudes.

ANYWAYS, with disclaimers and such out of the way, headcanons??? Headcanons

(Put under a read more because this is gonna be long af)

Okay. Joven, right? He's a nerd. Like. Comic books, video games, all that shite. 50% of his wardrobe is graphic tee's and hoodies, the other 50% is button ups and cardigans. (what a LOSER haaaaa)

And his family had some shit going on. Dad wasn't the best. Divorce things happened, and he ended up in his mom's custody while his brother went with his dad. And then, his mom took him and they moved away from the town he grew up in. Kinda sucks.

He ends up in a new, small house, and he and his mom don’t have a lot of money anymore, so his mom has to work two jobs and it isn't the greatest, but they try to make the best of it.

But y’know what new city means?? NEW SCHOOL OH BOY

So Joven tries his best but y’know bullies are a pretty universal aspect of public high schools. So he isn't having the best time; but those aren't the only people he meets.

In homeroom, he ends up sitting next to three other kids in the back of the room.

(I got that idea from this pic, it's actually where I got the whole idea for this AU from)

So. Lasercorn. I made him a punk kid.

But not like, the cool, only-wears-black, piercings and spikes and leather kind of punk.

The trashy kind of punk. Old-tshirts-ripped-jeans kind of punk. Skateboards and bloody knees and weed kind of punk.

(He listens to Blink-182, skateboarded as a teen and makes the most weed jokes. I COULDN’T HELP MYSELF)

And, much like Joven, his dad ain't the greatest guy. In a physical way. And his mom doesn't really do much to help him. So he spends most of his time out of the house, smoking or skating or both.

This is where Sohin comes in.

Sohinki is pretty chill with most people in school, for a reason.

See, his dad isn't mean, but is almost never around. Always working or something. And his mom is a drugie, meaning that she is also out a lot, and when she isn't, she doesn't really pay him any mind.

So, what do you do when you're a secretly neglected and attention-starved kid with a drugie for a mom, and you need spending money?

Get a retail job? Na

He's a weed dealer. He only sells weed tho, since he doesn't really condone the usage of harder stuff. He's a delinquent but that doesn't mean he into all that.

This is how he met Lasercorn, in freshman year, when he was first selling and Lasercorn was first buying. And they became friends and bonded over shitty parents and getting high. It's convenient, actually, because Lasercorn likes to stay out of the house most of the time and Sohinki doesn't have anyone that will care if he has people over. So lots of sleepovers!!!

And drug selling is also how the Bois met Mari.

So when I was figuring out Mari's character, I was thinking. Is there anything special I can do with her?? Like Lasercorn is punk, Sohinki sells drugs, what can I do here??? And then I realized.

Gross rave kids are a thing. I can't really fully explain why I chose this??? Like it just feels right for her in this story. So I'm running with it. (And I probably did way to much research on club drugs and illegal teenage activites for this haha woops)

Her parents are both there, but not a lot? Like they aren't super neglectful like Sohinki's but also don't really give her much attention at all. And they fight a Lot. Like constantly. There isn't a lot of peace in her house ever, and her parents are usually too busy being angry at each other to love her. She tried getting their attention with good grades and ballet, but it didn't work. They hardly ask her about grades, and she isn't sure if they've ever been to even on of her recitals. So, she said fuck it, and got into raving.

And there are like two kinds of teen raves? Approved ones, where there are people that don’t let you in with drugs or alcohol, more public events, really just glorified dance parties with underground music. Then there’s the underground ones, which are pretty illegal since it's a bunch of 13-25 year olds doing drugs and drinking alcohol in abandoned buildings. Three guesses for which type Mari frequents. A lot of dancing and cool stuff happens at underground raves. That's cool. Y'know what also happens at them that is kind of less cool? Girls getting drugged and raped. A lot less cool.

So she was at a party and she isn't careful enough, and gets her drink roofied. But before the assface that did it can make any moves, someone had called the cops. And everyone is leaving in a rush because they obvs don’t really feel like getting arrested. Guess who happened to be passing through the area when this goes down? Lasercorn and Sohin.

And they see everyone leaving, but then there's this girl who can barely walk and is passed out on the ground? And long story short theyre like shit we cant just let her get arrested/fucking die or something so they take her to Sohin's house, and the teen angst club gains a member!

So Joven gets seated near them in homeroom, and after a while he sort of joins their little friend group, they like him and hang out with him and he ends up liking them a lot because?? These are real friends??? Which he's never really had because back home nobody really liked him??? But these guys are so nice and funny despite how fucked their situations are??? And he joins the group.

About halfway through the year, Joven gets moved to an honors science class, and ends up sitting next to this kid who is really quiet and has long hair and dresses like some kind of emo anime dweeb. (I've decided that he wears black gauges because FUCK he would look good with earrings you cant tell me he wouldn’t) I wonder who that could be??

Well Joven gets help from him on the work in class, and starts talking with him a lot, and finds out his name is Wesley and that he is kind of an anime dweeb but isn't actually that emo or anything? He just likes that kind of music and stuff and dresses like it, but he actually is really sweet and funny and likes video games and stuff.

And Wesley doesn't have any friends, really, because people are usually off-put by how he dresses/he can be very enthusiastic about his interests and stuff and people are dicks and make fun of him and bully him for that. And even though he is Large and pretty strong he doesn't want to hurt anyone so he doesn't fight back. So he sort of just learned how to shut himself up and stay quiet around people?? Because when he is his Energetic and happy self!! People don't like that.

Wes is also part of team shit parents. His parents are Smart and have degrees and shit; and also have VERY high expectations for him, and don’t really care about much else when it comes to him. Wes is super Smart as well, all honors classes, straight A's, but it is never enough for his mom and dad. They expect high marks, but don't congratulate him on them, just deem them 'acceptable' and tell him to keep working. B's and lower are met with lectures and punishment. (He is also dealing with the fact that he has pretty bad ADHD but isn't getting any sort of treatment? And has to work through that.) Wes wants to make them happy, and all he wants is validation from them, but he never gets it and just ends up stressing way to much over his work. And teachers don't really do much to help? So he's kind of stuck in this rut of trying as hard as he can and doing great but not being told so.

So when he meets Joven, who introduces him to the rest of the group, it's like??? Friends??? People who are impressed and happy for me??? And don't make fun of me when I get excited or make funny voices??? And he is so happy that he can finally be himself around people.

Finally, Flitz is brought in through Mari.

Flitz comes from a poor family, with no dad because sometimes people die when they shouldn't. (And that isn't because he is stereotypes, to be clear, he has mentioned that his dad wasn't around when he was growing up, and that he grew up poor and I kind of wanted to write that) But he doesn't let anyone know, and does sports and breakdancing and is super cool! But not really popular because he is very open with his weird personality and philosophical interests, which don’t really go over well with a bunch of shitty high school kids.

And he meets Mari when she sees him practicing his dancing by himself on the stage in the empty school auditorium, where she was going to practice her dancing a little. And they are like “2 person dance session??? Yes”

And they have fun showing off and watching each other’s moves, and they get talking, and Mari is like. I know people who will like you.

And that’s what I got! They hang out and smoke weed sometimes (except Wes because asthma) and have fun and deal with bullies together, and they all just really love that they have friends who like them for them and it’s nice but also angsty and I love it.

Sorry that was so long but I had a lot to talk about. If you read this far, thank you for reading my rant!! And feel free to send me asks and talk to me about it. That’s all for now! ~<3

#smosh #smosh games #teenage disasters au #nerd says stuff #my stuff #headcanons

100 notes · View notes

pinksweatergettingbetter · 8 years ago

Text

“at least the jury is still out on that one, so to speak”

so to speak is right, phoenix :T

“I WANTED TO KILL YOU. WAAHHHH”

ok rayfa. easy there.

aw. the dad is so strong that he cant even bear to see the murder brat sad.

hdgdhfgh im gonna die he’s trying to cheer her up by acting like the bad guy

at the risk of sounding tumblry, phoenix wright is a cinnamon roll, to pure or whatever

...is this kooraheen’s ‘happy people’?

.....i don't like it

ahlbi doesn’t get to be an assistant but he does get to carry all my unwanted crap!

“first the high priest, and then his disciple! maya fey will pay for this!”

ah yes, she’ll pay for killing off people we recently proved to be dangerous insurgents.

WHOA OK GRAPHIC

well ok there’s no possible way Maya could have killed him that night.

“they think she came down the stairs and stabbed him” yes in front of 200 praying people. no, they weren't looking up but probably the sound of a knife being driven into flesh and also footsteps may have alerted them???

rayfa wants to know how a time of death is determined, not for real... but because she wants to know what the idiot groundlings believe ?

either she’s an idiot and she doesn’t realize its completely legitimate, or the writers are still trying to make fun of religion via the “science and religion don't mix” joke which quite frankly is getting REALLY TIRESOME

ok... well I'm not scientific expert but doesn’t the body eventually reach a steady temperature? how could you determine how long the body took to cool down if it was cooled down for a long enough period of time? also, it was really cold on that mountain.

something tells me this will be useful later.

again capcom, pointing out how unlikely your plot is doesnt make it better. it makes it worse.

“I will curse you and your disciples for eight generations!”

I'm pretty sure apollo and the series has already been cursed, mrs. inmee.

every time she kisses his picture i cry

Zehlot arrived at the same time as Maya, but Mrs. Inmee is more inclined to believe that Maya is a murderer? I mean yes she supposedly killed off the other two, but jeez. Talk about favouritism.

they let us check out the trash again... simply for a joke about phoenix digging through trash. I'm not sure how to feel about this.

katchu-dehmal, eh? Pokémon gonna sue

hey um mrs. inmee

you've got a little something on your wrist...............

“Puhray always prayed a lot”

the terrible naming convention just makes that sound incredibly stupid

“She may say these terrible things, but it was just the way she was raised, I guess”

um... a lesson in tolerance i guess

“I didn’t know him very well”

you didnt know the guy you stayed with for two years?? man i guess Puhray really did pray the most.

i love that theyre mentioning ramen and burgers

and also that phoenix is offering to buy for maya

its the little things that make this game liveable

everybody loves steel samurai!!!

“Whooops... its coming undone... WHOA!”

yes, it is indeed a very sexy picture. nice legs.

“tentacled hag frog”

what is this, last airbender??

“a spirit’s memory is cut off at the moment of death”

well of course. that’s how Mia was able to come to court knowing what was going on and being able to set phoenix on the right direction!

genius retcon there, guys. I guess that’s why Mia doesn’t make a comeback in this game :/

“helped neighbouring countries seek counsel”

actually thats an interesting callback to the original games where they state that before DL-6, Misty and Kurain village were famous for helping out people in high places. this i do not mind so much.

... though i doubt this would prevent you being invaded, Kooraheen. Also considering she mentions ‘keeping their unique culture’ as an aside to that fact, and the fact that a lot of this fictional country is based off of Tibet... Ouch.

“ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS!!!”

hey, there’s that ol’ Khumerican spirit!

“so the queen can perform the dance of devotion? that’d be a sight to see”

Phoenix stop imaging the queen in a mini skirt.

“theres no reason to panic, the police are on his trail”

the police that let him run on foot out of a crowded courtroom.

id say you can panic now.

in exchange for his visual youthfulness, phoenix has physically aged considerably.

meanwhile, Gregory Edgeworth was rocking major wrinkles at 35 and he was fit as a fiddle.

Oh Capcom, when will your beauty-based cruelty end??

are we legit going to search for Datz

ok now i rly wanna hear what a Warb’aad sounds like.

further proof that phoenix is a huge carnivore. i am pleased.

boy kooraheen isn't very accessible is it. stairs everywhere

i love that no matter where he is, phoenix is always buying food for children.

alright enough fun stuff. into the absurdly spacious sewer we go!

I'm legitimately laughing my ass off why is it so funny that Ahlbi didn’t know his dog could track scents????

AAA WE’RE IN

WE’RE IN A FUCKIN SEWER

IM YELLIN

...oh my god no... i stg... dont you dare

OH GOD

OHHH GOD

fuck....

i dont know who’s stupider: the rebels or the police

he... can eat... an entire apple... that is half the size of his face... in one bite.

this, truly, is a man to be feared

ranger hobo, your new nickname is Potential Vore Machine

>phoenix likes apples

further proof he is a good boy

wow thats even worse

i thought they’d just put their base in the sewers, but no; their base is an OLD LAW OFFICE AKA THE FIRST PLACE YOU’D LOOK FOR LAWYER REBELS

again, not sure who’s stupider: the rebels, or the police?

“public enemy #1 is a lawyer? didnt see that coming”

clearly you expect more from this game, phoenix

“Im gonna sell out my best friend!”

>doubt

OH OK NEVER LOOK SURPRISED AGAIN CLOSE YOUR VORE MOUTH JESUS CHRIST

if he wasnt a rebel anymore he'd have kicked your ass since youre a lawyer, phoenix. its not that hard to put together that he’s lying. ...for some reason.

LAME. YOU cant show him your badge??? bullshit.

fucking christ even when he whistles his mouth is larger than it should be.

he really is rebel!larry isn’t he

so Dhurke has a power glare, huh?

GLARE OFF WITH EDGEWORTH, GLARE OFF WITH EDGEWORTH, GLARE OFF WITH EDGEWORTH

“is this a law book? the dragon’s mark has been branded onto the cover...”

pfffttt edgy

hmm. must be a new law-book if the defence culpability act is in it, since if i remember correctly that law was only recently introduced.

i love that Dhurke’s shit is just everywhere in this stupid house

...no way is he actually doing to

i...

i can’t even say punk’d. Phoenix, why would you try on a jacket that once belonged to a rebel leader while inside a rebel base that you’re not even sure is friendly to you?

like i

sense of preservation just goes out the window at the idea of looking cool?? actually to be fair that kind of makes sense for Phoenix so

phoenix you should take it home and get it dry-cleaned.

“hmm this is an old photo...” says phoenix looking at a photo that’s as bright and shiny as the day it was taken. also he correctly guesses that it was taken 20 years ago based on... what evidence??

actually if he actually acknowledged that thats OBVIOUSLY APOLLO THERE then he’d have an actual metric to go by but NOPE! just bullshit magic deductions!

yeah or Nahyuta’s pulling a long game and you assholes are too impatient

i cant believe I'm defending sadmad :/

WAIT A SECOND. ARE YOU TELLING ME....... THAT KID WHO LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE APOLLO....... IS APOLLO?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?

somehow Datz carried Phoenix through a tiny trapdoor and into this room huh

yay psyche locks!

YES!!!! YEEEEES!!! I GOT TO PRESENT MY BADGE

Soj... you may not be... completely horrible.

yeah phoenix, he was going to stab you if he thought you were on the side of the Queen

feel even stupider about that jacket now?

“Keera was working with the government the whole time?!”

well i mean what other motivation would they have? even if they were doing it for religious reasons that still lines up with the government’s intentions.

this whole thing has a blacklisting smell on it too.

“a lawyer killed the queen, so the public turned against lawyers”

if that was how things worked, America would loath actors.

“why does he have to jump like that before running off”

cause he’s a cartoon character

“Well I guess we’re friends now”

oh phoenix

my lonely baby

also where the fuck is Shah’do? That dog is a better policeman than every official in Kooraheen.

and i love that nobody notices people entering and exiting a sewer in broad daylight.

well that was exactly where i thought it was

WOW GOOD GOING PHOENIX YOU DUMBFUCK

“HURRRHH I THINK ILL GO FIDN TH SOOPER SECRET REBEL BASE WITH THE FUCKING PRINCESS IN-TOW. GENIUS!!!!”

OH YES, AND THEN TELL HER EXACTLY WHAT IT IS. AND THEN LET HER COME INSIDE WITH YOU WITHOUT THE INTENT TO SHUT HER UP

BRILLIANT!!

PHOENIX WRIGHT, TRULY THE REBEL’S GREATEST ALLY.

ohhhhHHHHHhhhh

well well well well well well

this is interesting

“I think I’ll take a picture of this super secret rebel base”

hhhnnngghhhh

search every nook and cranny eh

“if the rebellion ever happens, i hope its bloodless”

while that’s sweet of you phoenix, you can count on it now, sincE YOU’VE REVEALED THE SOURCE OF THEIR WEAPONRY TO THE ENEMY

“What’s this? A bloodstain?”

Hope it is not Chris’ bloodstain...

CURSED NOISE

TURN IT OFF!!!

this is where capcom hides characters they don’t like

Klavier is somehwere in this room....... festering

well we’ve come to the end of another investigation

tbh I'm starting to get into the storyline, though it still doesn’t feel like an Ace Attorney game

it’s more like... it’s like someone took their Ace Attorney AU and made an entire game about it. It’s got some cool points to it, but all in all, it just doesn’t... fit, I guess?

Oh well. onto trial #2 and saving Maya’s butt once again

#ooc #sulking over SOJ #not too bad this time apart from a few choice bits :T]

2 notes · View notes

componentplanet · 5 years ago

Text

How to Boost Your Older Graphics Card’s Performance

The ongoing coronavirus pandemic has upended economic activity around the globe and made it rather difficult to plan a PC upgrade. With tens of millions of people recently out of work and everyone stuck at home, boosting the performance of the hardware you’ve got on hand suddenly became a lot more interesting.

Before we kick-off, a few caveats are in order. First, the tweaks we’ll explore, even taken in aggregate, will certainly help but are unlikely to work miracles. Performance tuning can improve frame rates and turn a game that’s chugging in places into one that runs noticeably and meaningfully better, but there’s no way to turn an HD 7970 or GeForce GTX 680 into a Radeon 5700 XT or RTX 2080. Second, because every game is different, some of these tips may be more or less effective depending on the title.

Two miscellaneous tips before we start: First, always make certain you are playing games in fullscreen mode, not windowed, and not borderless (windowed mode, without a visible border). Windowed mode is slower than fullscreen, in virtually every title, because your GPU is drawing both your desktop and the game itself at the same time. Windows 10 has cut the gap dramatically, and not every game offers a fullscreen mode, but you should always test the option if it’s available.

Second, make sure you’ve dusted both your GPU and CPU. While unlikely to be a major slowdown cause, it’s far from impossible for a GPU’s performance to drop because the card is throttling under load. Dust is an excellent insulator and if you’ve got an older card, you’ve got no performance to spare in the first place.

Game-Specific Optimization

The first thing we recommend doing to squeeze a little performance out of an aging card is to experiment with game settings themselves. While most reviewers and gamers test titles according to presets (Low, Medium, High, etc), this is a practical time-saving necessity for the former and a matter of convenience for the latter.

Gamers generally know that certain features explicitly tied to AMD or NV GPUs (think GameWorks) can incur heavy performance penalties on other architectures, but the same can be true for other features as well. It’s not unusual for a game’s implementation of ambient occlusion, tessellation, or antialiasing to hit one company’s GPU harder than another, and this can even vary depending on GPU family. Yes, simply lowering game settings or resolution can improve frame rate, but toggling specific features can get you nearly the same results for a smaller reduction in performance. In Deus Ex: Mankind Divided, turning on MSAA has a phenomenal performance impact, for example — much more than you’d typically expect.

The slideshow below shows the impact of different detail levels in the 2014 Shadow of Mordor, with the optional HD texture pack installed. You can see differences here, but they’re subtle. Medium detail definitely doesn’t pack as much eye candy as Ultra, but it still presents an attractive-looking and engaging game. Even turning off features like ambient occlusion or disabling tessellation doesn’t hurt the visual appeal much. Different games have different “break” points, some look dramatically different at Medium compared to High, while others “break” at Medium versus Low. Oftentimes the benefits of “Very High” or “Ultra” are quite small compared with their performance hit.

Don’t be afraid to climb into the Advanced Options and start changing various sliders. Because different GPUs take different performance hits from different options, you may need to do a little detective work, but it’s not unusual to boost frame rates by 5-10 percent just from small tweaks.

If you need a tool for checking performance in DX11 and earlier titles, FRAPS is still a good choice. (DX12 performance monitoring is more complicated and a bit beyond the scope of this article). It’s also a good idea to use presets as rough targets. If you know a game runs acceptably fast on “Low” and too slowly on “Medium,” don’t be afraid to use “Low” as a starting point for tweaking features upwards. You may find there’s more eye candy available to you than you initially thought. Treat the situation like a buffet dinner — if you don’t see much difference between “Medium” and “High” textures in a title, check to see if dropping to Medium gives you enough headroom to turn up a setting you do care about. You may find that expensive features add relatively little to the game, giving you space to enable other visual improvements you want.

Running at a lower resolution is also a useful way to spot-check performance improvements, though this is title-specific. First-person shooters tend to scale better with resolution changes than a game like Civilization VI.

Driver Tweaks

Once upon a time (the late 1990s), it wasn’t uncommon for AMD and Nvidia to drop drivers that would improve game performance by 10-20 percent, even in older titles. Those days are mostly gone, provided you aren’t installing a launch-day update for a new game. But there are still a few ways you can tweak driver panel settings to squeeze out a little more performance.

On Nvidia cards (AMD has an analogous option in its own driver settings), you can set texture filter quality to “High Performance” as opposed to the default “Quality” option, force Ambient Occlusion on or off (if applicable), and force anisotropic texture filtering off.

Tweaking image quality in-driver won’t gain you a ton of performance, but it should improve things by a few percent. It’s also useful to check, to make sure you haven’t used global settings for one title and then forgotten to change them for another.

Check for Online Tweaks and Unofficial Patches

This one, again, is highly game-dependent. Some games don’t support modding or have small user communities. But in some cases, end-users take it on themselves to create patches that fix various aspects of a title, including issues that impact performance. Games like Skyrim and Fallout 4 have often received unofficial patches that can boost performance or optimize game textures for systems with low RAM.

Overclock Your GPU (Desktop Only)

We’re only touching on the topic here, not diving into it, but overclocking your GPU is typically good for a few percentage points of performance at the very least. Again, your results are going to vary based on which card you have and how aggressively the manufacturer tuned it beforehand. Tools like MSI Afterburner can be used to overclock most GPUs.

What might you get as a result? 5-10 percent would be a reasonable expectation depending on the card.

Note: Everything written here applies to desktop GPUs. ExtremeTech does not recommend attempting to overclock a laptop GPU.

If you are planning to test a GPU overclock, we recommend small tweaks (no more than a 5 percent increase to memory or GPU clock at any one time) and slow going. Stay away from adjusting your GPU’s voltage until you’ve researched the topic and the acceptable range of your card, and don’t tell Afterburner to automatically apply settings at boot until you’ve confirmed the settings you actually want.

Expect this process to lead to a lot of reboots and/or lockups if your goal is to squeeze every last drop of performance out of your card — you’ll have to do some testing to find out where the right breakpoints actually are, and it’s entirely possible to have ten games that run rock-solid on a GPU at one clock, but an 11th title that won’t run at anything but stock speeds. Such is the nature of this metaphorical beast.

If you aren’t overclocking by pushing voltages higher, the chances of damaging the card are fairly small, though we recommend you make sure the fans are dusted before you start pushing things. Most GPUs can typically handle a 5-10 percent overclock without complaint.

Adding It All Up

None of these solutions are going to work if you’re trying to coax more life out of a 10-year-old card, but they can measurably improve your overall performance. If you can tweak game settings for a 7 percent boost, pick up a 7 percent overclock, and tweak driver settings for a further 3 percent, you’ve got a 17 percent overall performance improvement. In a game struggling to hit 30fps (let’s call it 28fps for fun), a 1.17x improvement gets you up to 33fps. That’s not a ton, no — but the corresponding impact of each additional FPS is larger the lower your frame rate is. The perceived difference between 28 and 33fps is much larger than the gap between 60 and 65fps, even though both are 5fps faster than the other.

And of course, these are conservative estimates. In certain titles and particularly if unofficial performance-enhancing patches are available, you might see significantly larger gains, especially if you’re already bumping up against the VRAM limit of your current GPU. Resolution cuts can help a lot in this case — don’t be afraid to drop to lower resolutions if you’re seeing heavy stuttering, especially if you have an older or lower-end card with a limited amount of memory. It’s sometimes possible to write unofficial config files that make a game playable by lowering detail levels below what the developer intended. I had several WoW-playing friends whose graphics I “detuned” in this fashion, allowing them to raid on laptops that otherwise couldn’t handle the job. This was years ago, so I don’t know if the same hooks are still in the game, but there can be real value in this kind of optimization.

ExtremeTech is revisiting some classic posts and guides, each of which has been updated to reflect present-day conditions.

Now Read:

How to Download the Nvidia Control Panel Without the Microsoft Store

How an Article on Game Difficulty Explained My Own Modding, 18 Years Later

Sony Scaling Back PlayStation 5 Production Over Price, Not Coronavirus

from ExtremeTechExtremeTech https://www.extremetech.com/gaming/262688-boost-older-gpu-performance-since-cant-buy-new-one from Blogger http://componentplanet.blogspot.com/2020/04/how-to-boost-your-older-graphics-cards.html

#How to Boost Your Older Graphics Card’s Performance

0 notes

cdrforea · 5 years ago

Text

Awesome Tech You Can't Buy Yet: This Week's Top Crowdfunding Projects

New Post has been published on https://bestedevices.com/awesome-tech-you-cant-buy-yet-this-weeks-top-crowdfunding-projects.html

Awesome Tech You Can't Buy Yet: This Week's Top Crowdfunding Projects

Around a dozen different crowdfunding campaigns take place on the Internet at any time. Take a stroll through Kickstarter or Indiegogo and you won't find a shortage of strange, useless and downright stupid projects – alongside some real gems. We cut through the fidgety spinners and nervous iPhone cases to summarize this week's most unusual, ambitious, and exciting new crowdfunding projects. Remember that any crowdfunding project – even the one with the best intentions – can fail. So do your homework before issuing a check for the gadget of your dreams.

April 5

Eyesy – video synthesizer

When it comes to creating and mixing sounds, you have countless tools at your disposal. We have musical instruments, MIDI controllers, synthesizers, loop pedals, drum pads and all kinds of digital audio workstations that you can use to mix everything together. But when it comes to visuals, artists don't really have many tools at their disposal. Eyesy wants to change that. It is a video synthesizer that allows you to create reactive graphics that respond to music in real time.

Arebo – full body dryer

Do you know the high-speed “Airblade” blow dryer from Dyson, which dries your hands so quickly that towels are no longer required? Now someone has taken the same concept to the next level and developed a device that blow-dries your entire body and thus makes the use of bath towels unnecessary. Strange? Yes. Tempting? Also yes.

Tau – keychain power bank

This thing has no revolutionary technology under the hood. If you tackle it, it's really just a portable battery. But what makes it brilliant is the fact that it's designed to work like a keychain – making sure you have it with you whenever you leave the house. The best? It also comes with a wall-mounted docking station and makes charging the battery as easy as hanging the keychain. Pretty smart, isn't it?

Astro Slide – 5G smartphone with physical keyboard

Physical keyboards on cell phones are a rarity these days, but apparently there is still a passionate community that keeps them alive. The latest addition to this category is the Astro Slide – a kind of smartphone / laptop hybrid. It not only runs on Android and works like a real smartphone, but also has a pull-out screen on which you can use the phone like a miniature laptop. I'm not going to lie – despite the fact that I know this thing is a typing nightmare, I still want one.

Talobrush – ultra-fast toothbrush

Are you tired of all the squeezing, scrubbing, spitting, rinsing, gargling and flossing that is needed to keep your pearl white hair clean? For decades, the electric toothbrush has been your only use for this tedious task. While these automatically oscillating tooth washers are definitely a step in the right direction, they don't remove the hassle and time spent brushing your teeth. This is where Talobrush comes in. It's a new age toothbrush that (supposedly) ends work in a fraction of the time.

March 29

Supercalla – magnetic, self-organizing charging cable

Cables are an annoying but necessary part of life. No matter how hard you try, they always seem to get tangled and disorganized. But what if they didn't? What if they could organize themselves and stay tidy all the time? This is exactly the idea behind Supercalla – a clever new cable system that snaps together with a series of magnets so that it is always organized.

Hygiene hand – EDC door opener

Thanks to the unprecedented virus outbreak we are currently living in, it may not be 100% safe to touch public door handles and press buttons for a while. So what do you do when you are inevitably in a situation where you have to push a button or pull a handle? Answer: You blow this cute little EDC hook / push button tool out and open the door. I would not be surprised if these things soon appeared everywhere.

Arcade Blaster – FPS Motion Controller

Do you remember the cute handgun controller you played Duck Hunt with in the good old days? Well, that's so on meth. It's a system that lets you get rid of your regular joystick controller and play FPS games by pointing / shooting at a pistol-shaped controller – a controller that's filled with high-precision accelerometers To give you additional accuracy.

Waffle Wow – building block waffle iron

This is perhaps the most brilliant thing I've seen on Kickstarter for months. It is a waffle maker that, thanks to its unique design, creates waffle pieces that can be torn apart to create Lego-like bricks that can then be stacked together into things. I honestly feel cheated that it didn't exist as a child.

Deskspace – relief plate for the lunar surface

Deskspace was created using data from NASA's Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter and shows the topography of the other side of the moon – in high fidelity – using concrete. It's definitely not the most useful thing on this list, but it's certainly a conversation starter. How many people can say that they have a real 3D relief map of the lunar surface in their house?

March 22

Keyboardio Atreus – ultra-minimalistic mechanical keyboard

Kickstarter has done thousands of keyboard projects in the past decade, but this is definitely one of the best ever. It is a wired mechanical keyboard that has been reduced to the essentials without compromising on comfort and performance. Indeed, it is so reduced that, despite the lack of a folding or collapsing function, it is still small and portable enough to fit easily in a backpack.

Photonbar – programmable light wand

One of my favorite Kickstarer projects of all time is the PixelStick: an electrified rail with 200 programmable LEDs, with which you can take the most amazing light painting photos of all time. Photonbar is essentially the same idea, but in a smaller and somewhat less cumbersome form factor – and also at a significantly lower price. If you are interested in creative photography, you should definitely take a look at this thing.

Sensforce Chair Extreme – haptic feedback gaming chair

Modern video games are pretty much chosen in terms of picture and sound, but when it comes to physical feelings, they're still relatively boring. The best we get is really just vibrating controllers. Sensforce wants to change this with an innovative new haptic gaming chair that vibrates in three different zones. The coolest thing about it is that it relies solely on audio signals, so you don't need any special drivers or plugins to work with your system. Just plug it in and let's go!

The Babymaker – secret electric racing bike

There are umpteen e-bike projects on Kickstarter and Indiegogo, but only a few are as sophisticated as this one. It is an e-bike that intentionally does not look like an e-bike, but still offers all the advantages of an e-bike. The Babymaker's battery is hidden in its normal-looking frame and has variable pedal support – but this is where the modern bells and whistles stop. You won't find any unnecessary mobile apps or annoying software updates on this bike, and that's on purpose.

Techwrap – electronic multi-purpose gear protection

This thing is just awesome. It's easy, because all it really is is a well-designed cloth that you can use to wrap your camera equipment and electronics. It is brilliant because this simple design enables it to perform multiple functions. It can be a waterproof / dirt-repellent gear packaging, a platform for your lenses, or even a microfiber cleaning cloth. It is entirely up to you and can be changed at any time.

March, 15

Tucktek – origami kayak

Kayaking is amazing, but one of the big downsides of the sport is the cumbersome nature of the equipment. To participate, you usually need to buy special frames for your car to transport them. But what if it didn't have to be that way? What if your kayak could fit in the trunk of your car? This is exactly the idea behind Tucktek's foldable kayak. Thanks to some origami magic, this little sucker collapses into a shape that is so small that you can easily install three of them in a normal trunk.

Oros Apparel – Airgel-insulated outerwear

In general, most insulated jackets use animal-derived materials (or are inspired by them) – such as wool and down. But while natural materials certainly do the trick, there are certain artificial materials that are far better insulators. Take airgel for example. Airgel is a synthetic substance that is obtained from a gel that weighs almost nothing and yet has the lowest thermal conductivity of all available materials. In fact, it's so good that NASA uses airgel as the primary thermal insulation in spacesuits – and now Oros has figured out how to put it in a number of jackets.

Himo – ultra compact folding e-bike

Folding bikes keep getting better and at this point I'm not sure how it's possible. This latest entry in the category is called Himo and is not only smaller than any other folding bike I've ever seen, but also fully electric. If you live in a place where there are hardly any suitable bicycle parking spaces, or if you are only worried about thieves, this is ideal. Instead of locking it, you can simply fold up the frame, pick up the entire bike, and carry it to the safety of your office or home. Pretty neat, isn't it?

Atypical cosmetics – AI-curated skin care

Every skin is different. Why are skin care products basically still a one-size-fits-all solution? Sure, there are some brand-to-brand and formula-to-formula differences, but lotions and moisturizers definitely don't consider your exact needs. Atypical cosmetics wants to change that and has an A.I. Supported customization platform to make this possible.

A-Zero – compostable plastic bags

There is currently a big movement going on to end the use of single-use plastic, but while it is all good and beautiful, there is no denying that plastic bags are still extremely useful and practical for certain situations. But what if you could still get all this ease and convenience without harming the planet? This is exactly the goal of A-Zero bags. They are made from plant cellulose and are broken down quickly after being thrown away.

8th of March

Prompt – eye-free watch

I'm kind of obsessed with the concept behind this watch. It's designed to be completely “eye-free” – so you don't have to look at it to determine the time. Instead, hold your finger on your face and there will be a brief burst of haptic vibrations telling you what time it is. The idea is that since there is no screen and you can check it without looking at it, you can be present in conversations and meetings.

Fire ant – fire starter for Swiss Army Knives

This thing is definitely one of the most brilliant products I've ever seen on Kickstarter. Do you know all the empty space in the corkscrew of a Swiss Army knife? The fire ant fills this room with something extremely useful: an ultra-compact fire start kit. The outer shell, which is screwed neatly into the corkscrew, consists partly of scale covered with wax. If you remove that, you'll find a flint that you can hit the back of your knife to create a spark that ignites the above-mentioned tinder. How awesome is that?!

Moft Z – flat desk stand

Standing desk kits are certainly nothing new at the moment. These devices, with which you can transform your existing desk into a standing desk by lifting a platform, have been around for almost as long as standing desks. Although Moft Z is the youngest participant in an already full category, it's something special. Thanks to its clever origami-like design, this sucker sits almost completely flat when not in use.

Freebord 5x – snowboard-like skateboard

Skateboards are undoubtedly a great tool for getting around a city, but they also require some practice to get used to – and much of that practice is usually spent learning how to brake properly. Freebord circumvents this problem with a super clever truck and steering wheel system that makes it easier for you to carry out a sliding brake – similar to a snowboard. This is the fifth generation of this design. As someone who drove (and crashed!) A few times in the first generation, I'm here to tell you that this is a massive improvement.

Impossible table – Tensegrity desk toy

If there is one thing, there will always be enough at Kickstarter, it is desk toys. Specifically, machined metal desk toys that have some sort of inspiring physical or mechanical phenomenon. Impossible Table fits this description to a T. It is a machined metal desk toy that demonstrates the concept of tensegrity: the characteristic property of a stable three-dimensional structure, which consists of connected elements under tension and not compressed elements.

1st March

Litta – solar powered bike light

Solar-powered bicycle lights are not a new idea at the moment, but they are not particularly common either. Why? Until recently, small solar panels simply couldn't absorb energy quickly enough to be useful in a bicycle light. This is different. Thanks to its high-end solar module and energy-saving LED lamp, Litta can fully charge in just a few hours and will work for years without ever having to be plugged in – even if you live in an area where this is not the case don't get much direct sunshine.

Locomoco – Screenless Coding Teacher

Robots that teach children to code are a dozen these days. Most take the same idea slightly differently, but Locomoco is different. Of all the coding robots we've ever seen on Kickstarter, it's probably one of the coolest. Why? It not only looks and works like a normal toy train set, but is also meant to teach children (or adults!) The basics of coding and computer logic without forcing them to stare dead-eyed at a tablet or smartphone screen. In this way, users can learn through a more tactile and practical process.

Kolude KD-1 Keyhub – multi-port keyboard

Warning: this keyboard will annoy you. Why? Because it's so easy that you wonder why no computer or peripheral manufacturer has ever done this. It is a keyboard with all the ports you could ever need: HDMI, USB, SD, USB C and a handful of others. This essentially means that you can connect it to everything, connect everything to it, and not have to reach for the back of your computer tower every time you plug in a flash drive or connect a new display. Seriously, why isn't this already a standard design feature on all keyboards?

Solid State Watch – buttonless, immutable wristwatch

This is one of those artistic, high profile Kickstarter projects that are unlikely to be mass appeal but are also so fun and extensive that I couldn't resist including it in this summary. Here's the idea: When you order one, the developers basically take the courage out of a Casio F-91W and pour it permanently into a transparent resin shell. Once this is done, you can no longer mess with it. No buttons, no functions, no nothing. Similar to time itself, it is immutable and beyond your control. It will just continue until the battery runs out and dies.

Ultrasound – ultrasonic cleaner

Ultrasona is a portable ultrasonic washing machine. Sounds crazy, doesn't it? How it works: When the transducer is immersed in water and turned on, it emits ultrasonic vibrations that create tiny cavitation bubbles in the water that violently move dirt, grime, and bacteria on everything you wash – wash and disinfect at the same time. This exact same technology is used on a larger scale in chemical laboratories, where it is referred to as ultrasound treatment. With Ultrasona, you can finally get this technology in a practical and fully portable form factor. Imagine – you could wash your clothes in a hotel pool!

February 23

Rocketbook Orbit – reusable notepad

If you haven't heard of Rocketbook yet, miss it. The company makes these amazing notebooks that are infinitely reusable and also allow you to sync / store your notes in the cloud. I'm a big fan. However, the company's newest product is not a notebook at all – it is a notepad that comes with a single, infinitely reusable sheet for your notes. Stop wasting paper just so you can write things down!

Vector Unleashed – Open source toolkit for Vector

Do you remember Vector? The adorable little A.I. Anki robot? After conquering the hearts of geeks around the world, the creators of poor little guy went bankrupt in 2019 and no longer offered updates / support. But now, if this Kickstarter project reaches its funding goal, vector owners may soon be able to revive their little robo friends and keep them moving for years to come.

Clicbot – modular robot system

Robots that teach children to code are a dozen these days. Most just pick up the exact same idea, but Clicbot is special. Of all the coding robots we've ever seen on Kickstarter, it's probably one of the best. Why? Not only is it incredibly simple and modular, it is also intended to teach children (or adults!) The basics of coding and computer logic without relying solely on a screen. This way, they don't have to stare into a tablet with their eyes dead and can learn through a more tactile and practical process.

Midea – U-shaped window AC

If you have ever installed a window AC unit, you know firsthand how cumbersome and annoying the process is. Not only do you have to build a suitable platform for the device, you also have to close the gap in your window. If you are like me it usually means that you chop up a box and accidentally tape it up to you I have a decent seal. Midea mitigates it all. It is equipped with an integrated mounting system and a clever U-shaped design, with which you can better close your window and avoid large gaps. One wonders why AC devices were not designed in this way from the start.

Makeway – modular marble track

Do you remember the reconfigurable marble toys you had as a child? Makeway is basically that, but with a handful of modern twists. First and foremost, all parts are magnetic and designed to adhere to vertical surfaces such as a refrigerator or whiteboard, so they don't take up space. Second, they are completely modular and can therefore be rearranged to create a virtually infinite number of configurations.

February 9th

Lomo Perzval 80.5 – Bokeh Art lens

Are you tired of the pictures you can take with your standard camera lenses? Check out Lomography. The NYC-based lens company has been manufacturing oddball lenses for years and is now back at Kickstarter with its twelfth (twelfth!) Project, the Perzval 80.5 Art Lens. It is essentially an artificial lens inspired by a 180-year-old 19th century design by photographer Joseph Perzval. It is equipped with some unusual functions that give your photos a unique bokeh effect and make the lens particularly suitable for portrait photography.

Solidtekniks Bigga – wrought iron pan

Cast iron pans are in many ways the best cooking device ever. They offer extremely uniform and even warmth. You can put them in the oven. If you take good care of them, they will last a lifetime. But they also have some disadvantages. Not only is it a pain, it is also ridiculously heavy. Fortunately, Solidteknics has come up with an ingenious solution to this problem: use wrought iron instead of cast iron. The company's new range of pans is said to cook and behave just like traditional cast iron, but without being so heavy and stubborn.

Fork knife – reusable flatware

As the movement to reduce disposable plastic continues to gain momentum, there are dozens of startups that are trying to sell you collapsible / reusable straws and dinnerware – especially at Kickstarter. While these products are undoubtedly useful, they are also not very practical. You have to remember to take them everywhere so they are useful. That's what makes Forkaknife so neat. It is a fork and knife that can be stowed in a wallet-sized tote bag so you can easily put it in a handbag or wallet and have it with you at all times.

Nireeka Prime – fat tire e-bike

Electric bikes are certainly nothing new at the moment. Electric mountain bikes are also not. But electric fat tire bikes? There aren't many of them on the market right now – but funding Nireeka Prime would help change that. It is essentially a standard e-mountain bike equipped with ultra-wide tires that allow you to ride on a wider variety of terrain types – including sand and packed snow. The result is that fat bikes are usually a little harder to pedal, but the electric motor will help you overcome this and plow through any terrain you encounter.

Hunu – collapsible, reusable coffee cup

Disposable paper cups may not sound as bad as plastic bags or Keurig bowls, but despite their recyclability, most of them still end up in landfills. For this reason, a duo from London has developed a solution as part of their ongoing efforts to get disposable items out of circulation: a cleverly designed cup that thanks to its unique shape can be folded up so that you can take it anywhere and avoid it first Line the use of disposable cups.

February 2nd

Round – smart ring

Smart rings are certainly not a new idea at the moment, but this is probably one of the best ever. In addition to all the “intelligent” features we expect from wrist-wearables – things like step tracking, heart rate monitoring, and sleep monitoring – it's small enough that it doesn't interfere. That is the big deal here. Unlike most smart rings we've seen in the past, this one is actually quite slim and discreet. Despite its impressively small dimensions, the battery is somehow full enough to last two full days between charges.

Jollylook – vintage style instant camera

Instant cameras are currently very popular. Maybe it's nostalgia for the Polaroid days of yore, maybe it's a manifestation of our unconscious desire for tangibility in a world where everything is digital. Who knows. Regardless of the reasons behind it, instant cameras are experiencing a renaissance. Jollybook is the latest entry into this booming subcategory and was designed with an aesthetic that's even older than the Polaroid cameras that started the trend.

The Mars Atlas – detailed map of Mars

Who doesn't love a good map book? This is probably a little bit different from the one you saw in the past as it is a different planet than the one you and I inhabit. "The Mars Atlas is the first of its kind to contain amazingly detailed maps of the entire Martian surface," the book's authors explain. “With the Atlas, designed by a team of astrocartographers, you can unleash your inner explorer and learn more about the Red Planet to your heart's content. No more science fiction, now you can discover Mars mountains, valleys and river beds – many of which are still unnamed. "

Last Tissue – reusable handkerchief system

Disposable items follow the path of the dodos. It started with plastic bags. Then we went to plastic straws. More recently, there has been a movement to eradicate things like plastic utensils, plastic wrap, and even cotton swabs. When it comes to last tissue, disposable facial tissues like Kleenex tissues are used next on the chopping block. How? To make this possible, the company has developed a sophisticated reusable handkerchief system that makes using old-school handkerchiefs a little more convenient and hygienic than before.

Bay – redesigned litter box

Cat toilets are hardly well designed. Most are just injection molded plastic boxes built exclusively to hold cat litter. But they could (and should) do much more. That's the thought behind Cove – a well thought-out cat litter box with built-in tools (like a shovel and broom to clean up stray debris) that address the reality of owning a cat and cleaning it up afterwards.

January 26th

Nebia by Moen – highly efficient shower

If you haven't heard of Nebia yet, you've lived under a rock. The company basically produces crazy, efficient shower heads that use 65 percent less water than conventional shower heads – and yet pour over enough to provide an adequate shower experience. After two extremely successful Kickstarter campaigns, it is again available with a third generation product – this time in collaboration with Moen. If you're looking for a water-saving shower head on the market, you've come to the right place.

Glamos – Lidar-based gesture control

The thing looks pretty cute. It is essentially a small electronic component that allows you to use gesture control for any screen thanks to extremely clever technology – regardless of whether it is "intelligent" or not. The secret? Lidar: The same technology with which self-driving cars “see” their surroundings. This technology records what you do with your hands, translates those movements into commands, and then sends them to the screen to which you connected them. Pretty cool, isn't it?

Bilby – waterproof silicone headlight

Headlights are a dozen these days. They are available in almost every shape, size and configuration that you could ever need. Regardless of what sport you do, there is likely to be one that is specifically designed for this activity – unless you need a sweat-proof sport. Virtually all of them are equipped with elastic fabric headbands that tend to absorb sweat and get nasty over time. But not this one! The Bilby is made of 100% silicone (and is also waterproof!) So that it doesn't absorb your forehead sweat.

Baha – shovel multitool

Multitools are certainly not a new idea when it comes to outdoor / survival gear, but the Baha shovel is fundamentally different from the leathermans and pocket knives you are probably used to. Instead of putting a few tools in the handle of a folding knife, the creators of this monstrosity decided to put them in the handle of a shovel. The result is a multifunctional outdoor tool with 21 different functions, most of which are simply not available with something as small as a pocket knife.

Porfee – blackhead vacuum

This is definitely one of the roughest, yet strangely appealing things I've ever seen at Kickstarter. Do you know these hand-held facial vacuum cleaners that suck blackheads out of your pores? Das ist es, aber mit einer Kamera, die in die Düse eingebettet und mit einem Video-Uplink ausgestattet ist – so können Sie sie mit Ihrem Telefon synchronisieren und in Echtzeit beobachten, wie sich die Mitesser aus Ihrer Haut winden. Und ja, es gibt sogar eine soziale Funktion, mit der Sie Clips aufnehmen und in sozialen Medien teilen können. Wer daran gedacht hat, ist ein ekelhaftes Genie.

19. Januar

Platyball Elite – Stativkopf mit automatischer Nivellierung

Hier ist ein kurzer Ausschnitt aus dem vollständigen Artikel, den wir Anfang dieser Woche über dieses Gizmo geschrieben haben. „Anstatt eine kleine Nivellierblase zu verwenden, verwendet der Platyball Elite ein elektronisches Nivelliersystem – ähnlich dem System in einigen Digitalkameras, das anzeigt, wann der Horizont schief ist. Durch dieses elektronische Design kann auf das Nivelliersystem über einen hintergrundbeleuchteten Bildschirm zugegriffen werden. Dieser Bildschirm ist nachts sichtbar, zusammen mit der Option, die Kamera so zu positionieren, dass der Bildschirm von der Vorderseite der Kamera aus sichtbar ist.

Die elektronische Wasserwaage ist nicht das einzige merkwürdige Merkmal am Stativkopf. Laut Platypod ist das Design des Kopfes auf den Kopf gestellt, wobei sich der Schwenkteller oben statt unten befindet. Mit diesem Schalter können Fotografen und Videofilmer die Kamera in einer geraden Linie schwenken, auch wenn die Stativbeine selbst nicht perfekt waagerecht sind. "

Tribotex Transmission – Reparatur von Nanotech-Getrieben

Trotz der Tatsache, dass Tech-Experten seit Jahrzehnten das Lob der Nanotechnologie singen, hat dies das Leben alltäglicher Menschen noch nicht wirklich beeinflusst. Zum Glück holt unsere Technologie endlich unsere Vorstellungen ein und taucht in der realen Welt auf. Ein typisches Beispiel? Dieses verrückte neue Reparatursystem für Nanotech-Getriebe von TriboTex. Es ist eines von wenigen nanotechbasierten Produkten, die nicht nur praktisch sind, sondern auch dem Durchschnittsverbraucher zur Verfügung stehen. Normalerweise wäre ich so etwas ziemlich skeptisch, aber das erste Produkt des Unternehmens war absolut legitim, daher habe ich hier keinen Grund, daran zu zweifeln.

Sinex – 3-in-1-Laptoptasche

Dies ist eines der einfachsten und zugleich brillantesten Designs, die ich seit Jahren bei Kickstarter gesehen habe. Es handelt sich um eine Laptoptasche, die sich aufgrund ihrer cleveren Konstruktion zu einem Laptopständer entwickelt – einer mit gepolsterter Handballenauflage. Es ist sogar in verschiedenen Größen erhältlich. Unabhängig von den Abmessungen Ihres Laptops gibt es wahrscheinlich ein Modell, in das es passt.

Shark Electric – elektrisches Skateboard

Elektrische Skateboards sind heutzutage ein Dutzend, aber dieses sieht aus verschiedenen Gründen interessant aus. In erster Linie ist es das erste elektrische Skateboard, das wir von Shark gesehen haben – einem Unternehmen, das damit begonnen hat, die seltsam geformten Räder herzustellen, die Sie im obigen Video sehen. Zweitens ist es anscheinend auch das dünnste Board im Spiel und verfügt über Geschwindigkeits- / Reichweitenangaben, die einige der derzeit beliebtesten und am besten bewerteten Skateboards auf dem Markt übertreffen. Farbe uns fasziniert.

Foldyroll – wiederverwendbare Tasche im Akkordeonstil

Wenn Sie noch keine Papier- und Plastiktüten weggeworfen und auf den wiederverwendbaren Taschenwagen gesprungen sind, ist es höchste Zeit, dass Sie dem Planeten einen Gefallen tun und sich der Party anschließen. Wiederverwendbare Taschen können jetzt fast überall gekauft werden, sodass Sie zu diesem Zeitpunkt keine Ausreden mehr haben. Wenn Sie jedoch immer noch auf dem Markt für eine wiederverwendbare Tasche sind, sieht diese ziemlich süß aus. Es hat ein Akkordeon-Design, das es ermöglicht, es in der kompaktesten / bequemsten Form aller Zeiten zusammenzufalten.

29. Dezember

Onpark 3 – elektrisches Skateboard

Electric skateboards are a dime a dozen these days, but this one has a feature that puts it a cut above the rest: a swappable battery system. That means that if you’re riding and the battery dies, you don’t have to find a charger and wait for an hour while the battery tops off. Instead, you can just click in a new cell and keep riding. It’s honestly a mystery why this feature isn’t more common on electric skateboards.

Flash Forest — drone reforestation squad

Ever since the industrial revolution, humanity has been fighting an uphill battle against deforestation. Despite the best efforts of conservationists, the world either burns or cuts down about 10 billion more trees than it replants each year — a problem that has big implications for climate change. Environmental organizations have been trying (and failing) to reverse this trend for decades, but Flash Forest thinks it can succeed where others have failed. How? By enlisting an army of seed-bombing drones to autonomously replant trees faster than mere humans ever could.

Skill board — 360-degree balance board

Balance boards are an amazing training tool, but the vast majority of them — the ones that are basically a plank that sits atop a cylinder — only teach you how to balance from left to right. The Skill Board is different, though. This cruel bastard puts you on top of a mildly-squishy sphere, thereby forcing you to engage more muscles in order to keep your balance and stay stable. If you’re looking to build your core muscles and boost your balance skills, this thing is worth checking out.

Alfred — robotic AI assistant

AI assistants have progressed in leaps and bounds in the past few years, but Alfred wants to kick things up a notch further. He’s basically an AI assistant with a robotic body. This allows him to do things that Siri and Alexa can’t — like following you around your apartment, understanding his environment, and projecting images and video onto your walls. It’s a neat idea, and could very well usher in a new era for AI assistants

XEV Yoyo — 3D printed electric car

This one is pretty sweet. It’s a 3D printed electric car that’s made with just 57 components — a massive step down from the thousands of parts that make up a conventional car. This essentially makes it cheaper to produce, which allows XEV to sell it for under $7K. In terms of specs, the Yoyo’s 10-horsepower electric motor gives it a 43-mph top speed, while a 9.2-kilowatt-hour battery pack provides enough juice for a claimed 93 miles of driving.

December 22

Mantour X — self-balancing e-scooter

This thing is a self-balancing scooter — but it’s not self-balancing in the way you’re used to seeing. Instead of balancing for you while you ride, it’s designed to balance itself on one wheel when you’re not riding. The idea is that this makes it easier to transport, since you don’t actually have to carry it. Pretty clever stuff!

JBL Reflect — solar-powered headphones

What if you never had to charge your wireless headphones again? What if they could juice themselves up as you walked around and went about your day? Well, that’s basically what JBL is promising with it’s new Reflect headphones. Thanks to a headband that’s covered in solar cells, the phones can allegedly stay powered indefinitely with just 2.5 hours of light exposure per day

Cameradactyl Bracopan — 3d printable film camera

This project is awesome. This dude Ethan Moses has been designing and selling amazing 3D printed cameras for the past few years, and now he’s on Kickstarter selling the STL files so that other people can build them, using their own tools and equipment. The best? You can get your hands on all the files and instructions you need for just $1. That means he’s going to need a LOT of people to back the project in order to meet his $12K funding goal!

Fingerbot — multi-use IoT switch

Want to transform your home into an internet-connected smart home, but don’t want to spend a fortune on upgrading every single switch, thermostat, and appliance you own? Fingerbot is for you. It’s essentially a little IoT module with an adhesive patch on one end and an actuator on the other. The idea is that you can stick it onto the things you already own and use Fingerbot to activate them remotely by physically flipping the switch or pressing the button.

Boost — powered surfing fin

Why paddle your surfboard when you could slap a motor on it instead? That’s the premise behind Boost, an exceptionally clever surfboard fin that’s equipped with a propellor. When not in use, the fin’s design allows your board to glide through the water just like any other board — but when you power it on, the propellor provides a quick power boost to kick you forward. No more laborious paddling out to the surf, or missing swells due to lack of speed!

December 15

Draft Top — Beer can top remover

If you’re a beer drinker, you’ll want to check this thing out. You know how you can drink beer faster if you poke a hole in the lid? Well the Draft Top lets you you take that idea to a whole new level. Instead of just poking a hole, this clever little tool allows you to completely remove the top portion of the can altogether, effectively transforming your can into a cup. Best of all, it does this without creating any sharp edges, so you’re free to chug as recklessly as you want.

Ode Brew Grinder — variable coarseness coffee grinder

Do you need a $225 coffee grinder? Probably not. You can get a passable one on Amazon for like 30 bucks. But if you are a coffee nerd and you care deeply about quality and consistency, you should probably check this one out. Thanks to its innovative grinder design, the Ode Brew Grinder allows you to dictate the size of your grind and get predictable, precise particles every time. This essentially means you can get the perfect grind for whatever type of coffee you’re making — be it French press, pour over, or even espresso.

EO Blaster — chemical-free cleaning system

What if you didn’t have to use harsh chemicals to clean your countertops? What if you never had to buy those chemicals ever again and could instead use a magical contraption that transforms tap water into a powerful disinfectant using nothing but electricity? Sounds awesome, right? Well, that’s exactly what the EO Blaster does. To clean things around your house, it uses electrolyzed water — which sounds like total BS, but it’s actually legit, and was developed in Japan to sanitize high-bacteria environments like sushi restaurants, without introducing harmful chemicals.

Mova — zip-on waterproof cycling pants

You know those snap-off pants that athletes sometimes wear before a game to warm up? The ones that, due to their unique design, can be put on or taken off without removing your shoes? Well, Mova Cycling has basically taken that exact same idea and applied it to a set of rain pants for cyclists. The only difference is that, instead of buttons, these pants are designed with zippers — so unfortunately you can’t rip them off triumphantly after you finish locking up and head into your office building.

Bagel jeans — made-to-measure jeans by mail

About a year ago, a company named Bagel took Kickstarter by storm with an innovative new take on the traditional tape measure. Instead of metal tape with markings etched onto it, the Bagel tape measure uses a piece of string and a digital readout that displays the current extended length. Now, the company is back with a new project that uses the aformentioned tape measure tech for a specific purpose: generating made-to-measure jeans you can order online. Check out the video — it’s pretty damn clever.

December 8

Space 3D — affordable SLA printer

It used to be that SLA 3D printers were expensive and out-of-reach for the average consumer, but that’s now beginning to change. Thanks in large part to crowdfunding platforms like Kickstarter and Indiegogo, these kinds of printers have become drastically more affordable and available in the past couple years. Nowadays there are a bunch of them that you can get for less than $1,000, and there’s a boatload more currently in development.

The latest one to hit the crowdfunding scene is Space 3D — a highly affordable SLA/DLP printer that, despite costing just $600 on Kickstarter, comes with a range of high-end features that you typically only see on machines that cost upward of $1,500. Most notably, it has an absolutely massive build envelope that allows you to print bigger parts and pump out more stuff

Gluon — programmable robotic arm

If you’ve ever dreamed of having an automated assistant similar to Tony Stark’s JARVIS robot, you should probably stop whatever you’re doing right now and go check out Hexbot on Kickstarter. In contrast to robotic assistant devices geared specifically towards makers and designers, Hexbot is a robot arm that can serve virtually any purpose around the home, from artistic projects to 3D printing to stirring your coffee. It’s equipped with computer vision and visual processing technologies, so it can be used for an absolutely massive range of different tasks.

Diveroid — universal smartphone case for diving

If you’re going on a vacation and plan to do some diving or snorkeling while you’re there, chances are you probably want to take some pictures in the water. For most people, this means you’ll get a special waterproof case for your phone, use it once or twice, and then toss it out a year later when you get a new phone. Diveroid offers a more sustainable alternative. It’s a universal diving case that’ll work with any smartphone — even the one you might own a few years from now.

Diple — 1000x smartphone microscope

Smartphone microscopes aren’t exactly a new idea at this point, but this one is slightly different than the ones out there right now. Diple, as it’s called, is capable of 1,000x magnification. Functionally speaking that means it’s powerful enough to let you look at individual bacteriums, blood cells, and more — all through your big, bright smartphone screen. You can even pinch and zoom to make the image bigger or smaller. Pretty neat, right?

Bullet SSD — keychain-sized SSD

You know that tattered old USB drive you probably keep on your keychain right now? Imagine if it was smaller, faster, tougher, and had way more storage space. That’s pretty much what the Bullet SSD is. It’s a tiny storage device that, in addition to boasting up to 2TB of storage space, is also IP67 certified — meaning it’s water resistant and dust proof. It’s also encased in metal, so it’ll survive being tossed around for years to come.

December 2

Unocup — lid-equipped paper cup

Disposable, single use paper cups aren’t all that bad for the environment — but the plastic lids that accompany them? They’re not so great. So, as part of the ongoing movement to phase out single use plastic, a startup called Unocup has developed a solution: a cleverly designed paper cup that, thanks to its unique shape, is capable of folding up to create a lid. It basically eliminates the need to top your coffee (or whatever) with a piece of plastic you’ll only use once.

Hyper minimal calendar — redesigned full-year calendar

This is the most low-tech entry on this week’s picks, but it’s just too clever to skip. It’s a full-year calendar with a very practical and human-centric layout. Instead of displaying each month via a series of weeks that don’t line up nicely, months are broken up into four five-day weeks, with two-day weekends between them. Additionally, the first and last days of each month are underlined, so you can easily spot when one month ends and another begins.

Artiphon Orba — palm-sized multi-instrument

Artiphon broke onto the scene a couple years ago when it released the Instrument — a vaguely guitar-shaped electronic musical instrument that allowed users to play practically any sound imaginable via the familiar form of a guitar neck. It was a huge hit, and now the company is back with yet another electronic instrument dubbed Orba. This one is basically the same idea, but squeezed into a much smaller, more open-ended form factor.

Climate neutral certified — environmental product certification

You know how certain things in the grocery store are labeled as “certified organic” or “cage free” or “non-GMO”? In order to get those labels, the company has to actually get certified by an independent organization that verifies the company’s product meets certain standards. Climate Neutral certification is a new one to add to the mix — but instead of signaling that a given product or service is gluten free or non-GMO, it shows that the company behind the product has actively taken steps to offset the carbon impact of its operation. Pretty neat!

Ever Ratchet — ratcheting EDC tool

EDC tools are a dime a dozen on crowdfunding sites like Kickstarter and Indiegogo, but this one is arguably one of the best I’ve seen. Thanks to an exceptionally clever design, it’s equipped with a ratcheting screwdriver/wrench setup — which means you don’t have to spin it in a full circle to tighten a bolt or screw a screw. And of course, it’s got a handful of other features stuffed into the tiny little frame — including a pry bar and a bottle opener.

November 24

Epilog — epilepsy tracking wearable

This thing is brilliant. It’s basically a wearable, battery-powered EEG monitor that tracks your brainwaves throughout the day, beams that information to your smartphone, and then uses algorithms to analyze your brain activity and predict seizures. Obviously, it’s not a mass-market device designed for everyone — it’s specifically built to help people with epilepsy. Still, it’s an idea worth supporting even if you don’t have the condition.

Ebo — robotic cat toy

I’ve seen a LOT of so-called “smart” cat toys on Kickstarter and Indiegogo over the years, but this might be the most advanced one yet. In addition to standard features like the ability to drive around and encourage your cat to chase, it also has environmental awareness sensors that allow it to map out the room and avoid collisions, a return-to-home function that ensures it’s always charged, and even a built-in camera that allows you to watch as your cat gives chase. It’s nuts!

Mellow Duo — IoT sous vide machine

A few years back, Mello took the cooking world by storm with a groundbreaking idea: an internet-connected sous vide machine that could not only cook your food, but also keep it cool until you were ready to cook. That way, you could dunk a steak in the cooking chamber before you leave for work, keep it cool all day, and then tap a button on your phone to start cooking before you got home. It was nothing short of brilliant, and now they company is back with a bigger, badder version with two cooking chambers. That means you can cook two separate dishes at two separate temperatures, but have them come out at the same time. Genius!

Seesense Air — advanced bike tracker

Trackers and other anti-theft devices for bicycles are a dime a dozen these days, but this one is different. Unlike most existing trackers (which either rely on cellular/GPS connections that comes with a monthly subscription fee, or weird proprietary networks that only work if everyone around you has the exact same tracker app), this one communicates with your phone via Narrowband IoT, which basically allows it to work like apple’s Find My iPhone utility, but without any subscriptions or service costs.

Segway dirt ebike — electric dirt bike

This one hasn’t actually launched yet, so we don’t know a lot about it — but based on the video footage available and the photos on the preview page, I think it’s pretty safe to assume that this thing is going to be awesome. It’s certainly not the first electric dirt bike that’s ever been made, but the fact that it’s from Segway, one of the best rideable tech manufacturers in the world, is exciting. Fingers crossed they sell it for an affordable price!

November 17

Rumpl x Loki — travel dog bed

If you need a sleeping pad for your dog, you can find one quite easily online. Just head over to Amazon and you’ll discover no shortage of pads, bags, and other sleeping solutions designed to keep your furry friend comfy. However, if you intend to take your dog along on a trip, then you’ll likely have a bit more trouble finding a suitable canine sleeping pad. The issue is that very few (if any) dog sleeping systems are designed to be compact and portable. They’re typically made with thick padding that doesn’t compress very easily, so they don’t fit nicely into a backpack. Rumpl decided to change that.

HomeBiogas — backyard biodigester

Believe it or not, somewhere around 40 percent of all the food produced in the U.S. is wasted. We put all kinds of time and energy into producing it, but we still end up throwing a huge amount of it away and sending it off to a landfill. It’s incredibly wasteful, but the folks behind HomeBiogas have a solution. Their cleverly designed biodigester (now in its 3rd generation) allows you to collect pretty much anything that’s biodegradable — dining room scraps, meat, grease, oil, eggshells, grass clippings, and even small sticks or bits of wood — and use bacteria to transform it into cooking gas and liquid fertilizer. Pretty awesome, right?

Hyperjuice — 100W GAN charger block

Charger bricks are probably the least sexy technology of all time, but this one is actually pretty sweet. Despite being no bigger than a standard deck of cards, the Hyperjuice charger, as it’s called, is capable of channeling over 100W of power, and juicing up four devices at once. Thanks to the magical material known as gallium nitride, two of the brick’s USB-A ports support the latest quick-charging standard, and can therefore funnel power to your devices at a blistering pace. The only downside? It’ll cost you $70 bucks. That’s pretty steep for a wall charging station.

Zipbag — reusable food storage bag

As the movement to cut down on single-use plastic continues to pick up steam, there are dozens of startups clamoring to sell you reusable versions of common single-use items like straws, eating utensils, shopping bags, and even Q-tips. The latest piece of plastic in the crosshairs? Ziploc bags. You can already find silicon versions on Amazon for a few bucks, but this one from Twopillars takes things to a whole new level. It’s got a storage pouch, reusable utensils you can tuck inside, a reusable label, and best of all, a lifetime warranty. Get this thing and you’ll legitimately never have to buy storage bags ever again.

Tempest — advanced personal weather station

Home weather stations have been around for decades at this point, but Tempest might be the most advanced one yet. It measures just about everything you could ever imagine. Seriously. It’s not just the basic stuff like rain, temperature, and barometric pressure — it measures all that stuff and more using a variety of different methods, thereby giving you the most complete set of real-time weather data possible. Amazingly, it does all this without any moving parts, and also without wires. It’s 100% solar-powered and can transmit information via Wi-Fi to a base station in your house. It even shares all this data with the National Weather Service so it can make more accurate predictions for the general forecast. Pretty neat stuff!

November 10

Focusbuds — productivity-boosting earbuds

At any given moment, there are approximately a zillion things competing for your attention. With all the messages, alerts, emails, and notifications that bombard us throughout the day, it’s increasingly difficult to focus on anything for an extended period of time. That’s exactly what Focusbuds aim to fix. According to their creators, Focusbuds monitor users’ concentration levels using a process called electroencephalogram (EEG) neurofeedback. This is achieved by using embedded sensors capable of capturing this brain activity and proprietary software that analyzes it. The resulting data insights are then conveyed in real-time to the user via audio cues. In doing so, the promise is that the earbuds will help train your brain to concentrate and block out distractions over time.

Castaway — second screen for smartphones

Do you need a second screen for your smartphone? Probably not, but somebody made one anyway. It’s pretty straightforward. The Castaway, as it’s called, is basically a tiny chromium tablet that’s tucked into a smartphone case. Put your phone in the case, and it’ll be linked to the tablet, thereby allowing you to use two apps at the same time.

Fourneau Grande — artisan bread oven

Unfortunately, it’s damn near impossible to make bakery-quality bread in a standard kitchen oven — unless of course, you use something like Fourneau. It’s basically like a souped-up Dutch oven that creates the perfect environment for you to make artisan bread at home. This new version, the Fourneau Grande, is a larger version of the original, which gives you space to make specialty loaves that are longer, bigger, or oddly shaped.

The Big Sphere — Milky Way desk ornament

In 2016, designer Clemens Steffin launched his ‘Universe in a Sphere’ project on Kickstarter, creating a glass orb containing 380,000 perfectly lasered dots, each one representing an entire galaxy. His next project then aimed to re-create just our very own galaxy, the Milky Way, with every dot representing a different star. Now he’s back with a bigger version of that idea, and it’s even more painstakingly detailed than before!

Snowfeet 2 — skates for snow

Here’s DT’s Kraig Becker with the scoop: “At first glance, Snowfeet look an awful lot like a pair of sandals on steroids. Upon closer inspection, however, you’ll soon notice that Snowfeet’s straps look a lot more like a ski binding than anything you’ve ever seen on a flip-flop. Those bindings allow Snowfeet to accommodate any type of shoe or boot, then contract down to hold the footwear squarely in place. Once attached, Snowfeet are effectively skates that you can use on snow.” Sounds pretty awesome, right?

November 3

Gosun Flatware — flat-pack reusable utensils

As the movement to cut down on single-use plastic continues to pick up steam, there are dozens of startups clamoring to sell you collapsible/reusable straws and eating utensils — especially on Kickstarter. However, while these products are undeniably useful, they also aren’t particularly convenient. You have to remember to bring them along wherever you go in order for them to be useful. That’s what makes GoSun’s new reusable utensils so neat. They’re designed to pack up into a wallet-sized carrying case, so you can easily slip them inside a purse or wallet and have them with you at all times.

Ember — heated midlayer

Earlier in 2019, up-and-coming outdoor gear startup Sierra Madre launched a Kickstarter to fund the development of an innovative new insulated stuff sack called the Hot Pocket. To bring that product to life, the company developed a cutting-edge thermal panel that’s both lightweight and highly efficient — and now it wants to bake that same technology into a heated midlayer. The Ember, as it’s called is allegedly “10X more powerful than its competitors.” If that claim holds up, it’ll be well worth the $259 its currently going for on Kickstarter.

Pillowdy — hoodie with inflatable neck pillow

Neck pillows have been a staple for air travelers for decades — but why do we only use them when we’re flying? Wouldn’t it be nice if you could have one at your disposal wherever you went, so you could catch a quick nap on the bus home? That’s precisely the idea behind Pillowdy. It’s a hoodie with a hidden inflatable neck pillow built into the hood. Whenever you need a quick siesta, just bust out the stowable blow tube and give it a couple of puffs. With less than a lungful of air, your neck pillow will spring to life and provide a place to rest your head.

Square off Neo — automatic chessboard

Here’s a quick cut from our full article, which ran earlier in the week: “Measuring 14.72 inches by 14.72 inches and weighing just 3.3 pounds, the Neo is designed to be a cheaper entryway to Square Off’s smart chess experience. It’s controlled through an app on your phone, which connects to the board via a Bluetooth connection. From there, you can play against Square Off’s built-in A.I. with 30 different difficulty levels. You don’t just have to play against the computer though — the app also connects you to a world of real opponents. Send a challenge and the board handles the rest, transmitting your moves to their chessboard, while theirs are sent to yours.”

Owly Pack — modular backpack

Modular backpacks aren’t necessarily a new thing at this point, but Owly Pack seems pretty remarkable. Thanks to its unique set of swappable modules, you can easily add or remove features as necessary to build out the perfect pack for your particular adventure. For example, if you’re going on a quick and easy day hike and want to keep some drinks cold, you can zip in the cooler module. If you plan on camping where you’re headed, there’s a shelter module that contains a tent/hammock hybrid. And best of all? It’s completely waterproof to boot.

Editor's recommendations

#Awesome #buy #Crowdfunding #Projects #tech #Top #Weeks #Car Parts

0 notes

mattyslittleworld · 5 years ago

Text

East Keansburg

P: Rob Sellig

2:48 am / Thursday morning. Im listening to this new Tsu Surf & Mozzy project, thinking about this kid I grew up around. Ive been reading he passed away, which is such a shame. We grew up playing basketball together at St. Catherines in EK, middle school, high school, alternative high schools, programs together. Troubled youth. I have this specific memory of him from years ago. I believe I wrote about it in my last blog post, about watching somebody get curb stomped. I was a lost kid, me and my friends aimless, drifting from group to group. Ended up spending a lot of late nights in EK wandering the streets. This night specifically, there were about 7 of us. A homie of mine was interested in writing graffiti, and this was before music, so graffiti was basically my identity. So we met up at his house, where my friend had a group of heads over, and they were partying, selling, and just going off. He lived with his parents, which speaks volumes, because at this time in my life, everyones parents gave up...nobody gave a fuck, except mine, but they couldn't control me. One thing leads to another, my boy wanted to go bombing. So we leave his house with our paint, and just take the streets, 5 reckless kids fallowing us on skateboards and bikes. Wasted, loud, rowdy, reckless, but as an outsider, I found a silver lining in their terror....it was a middle finger to the society that never gave them a chance. It was a brotherhood. This specific kid, at this point, was in and out of county, witnessed him fighting over and over in school, and in the streets since day 1. We were walking tall through the backroads in EK....they were spray painting cars...houses...anything. No fucks given. Wasted...they were breaking windows...kicking dents in BMW’s. Playing music off the phone...they were all they got. Another group of kids ended up on the same block....and they went off. A fight broke out....and I have this specific memory of boy ripping his shirt off, passionate, raging with anger, to protect his brotherhood, his street crew, his family. Being around him since I was a little kid, school, ball, mutual friends....I never got to know him deeper than this...but I would always see him and just salute his pride, and his will to stand on his actions, and his will to fucking fight for who and what he loves. Rest In Power fam. A lot of homies reading this from EK who follow my music...yall know who I am talking about. I never got to know this man - but I salute him for how much of HIM HE REALLY WAS. I remember in 2006, I was a freshman in high school, and my cousin ended up in a fight with a senior over a friend who passed away. My cousin was intoxicated during this time, in school, and I ended up beating the dog shit out of this senior as a young kid. These EK boys were the only ones who showed love, who stood tall behind me, making sure I was good, safe, and assuring me I was doing the right thing. Cant let your family go down like that. Rest In Peace man.

Last year, days before Tsu Surfs album Seven 25 dropped, he doubled back and we hit the studio and recorded a song called “Make You Proud”. He dropped the album very shortly after and it went #2 on iTunes in under 24 hours, and I was sure I wasn't going to see that man ever again. A year later, here we are...a day before he drops this joint project with Mozzy...that debuted at #5 on itunes, were dapping up at a film set in Queens, NY to film the music video. A YEAR LATER, this man gave a fuck enough to pull up and bless my career with this video. That meant a lot to me. I specifically remember feeling alone, hopeless, in some of the darkest moments of my life. Just listening to his tape over and over and over....running laps at the track at Mader Dei Highschool. It gave me hope, it motivated me to get over the feelings that were weighing me down. My life was changing, and this eased the pain. Nobody likes the motions of change if it includes losing people you love....losing the ability to do things you love...and going places you love. You have to find new health, new wealth, and new routines. My new found routine was coffee in the morning...spending an hour studying the industry...listening to my podcasts...then immediately running laps listening to his tape. Anything after that was subjective. Nowadays its basketball instead of running laps....but it gave me health. Mentally and physically. I could collect my thoughts. I could hear real stories....being gunned down 5 times and bouncing back...then charting. Here we are. On set....once again with Rob...my brother on the directing tip. My new lovely friend Victoria, who's a beautiful, ambitious, ride or die artist of her own. Robs pops. Mike Oliva, who is a SAVAGE photographer and film maker himself. It was a trip. Over the past year, kids at bars, hardcore shows, normals, civilians, people from all over and the world have been DMing me about simply just a teaser and a photograph of me and Surf in a studio. With Albee Al, Casanova, Cage - its all a specific group of people. Mainly mainstream music consumers...radio listeners...people who are tapped into Instagram and culture. But with Surf - Ive had the pleasure of speaking to people from all walks of life. Old hardcore friends telling me how much his movement has touched their lives...so wild. I was late to his wave...Belv actually told me to tap in and do it, and that's my brother so I made sure I did for the team. We drank hot chocolate and coffee, listened to our favorite music so loud, have such great conversations, got amazing footage that im so proud of, and just overall killed the mission. Nothing makes me more happy. This was a moment for me....because for the first time...im not in silly poppy clothes...im myself...im spitting bars on it...I feel and look like the person who was painting freights in 2007. And that is very important to me. Sometimes you can get swallowed by the wave youre riding...and I am guilty of that. It influenced so much of me...and recently I said look...fuck all this. Fuck everything except for whatever inside me still lingering before back and forth. Because if those passions, those tendencies, those people, are still here and within me...theyve been growing all this time, strong, sticking by me, and that's me. Shitty hoodie. Airmaxes or vans, shitty hat, stupid hair, cutty as fuck, smiling. dirty skateboard kid just trying be great man. I miss my old Mercer Ave skate crew. Its been years.

Im starting to go through a new awakening where im witnessing the ones around me unfold in such a distasteful manner. Its pretty crazy to spend time with people, face to face, and have dinner, coffee, laughing with each other one on one....and in my head at the same time think...this mother fucker dead ass hates me. Wants to kill me. Wants me to fail. Fucks heavy with EVERYONE who has done wrong to me. Has talked shit behind my back. Has stabbed me in the back. And they are such fucking clowns....they don't know that I know...and they don't even comprehend that im being a bigger person and not addressing shit below me, because I don't have room for shit like that in my life. This is the time where people fuck with you one foot in, for opportunity, to hit a lick, to keep the link, to get to the people you fuck with. It is literally so easy to show love...and yet people close to you just won't. Its an interesting concept. I am fortunate in the sense that I am self made, self built, and already a black sheep. If everybody in my life turned their backs, it wouldn't touch my career. So therefore, I don't have this fuckery nature in my behavior. I don't fuck with you, I don't fuck with you. Thats it. Im learning you cannot trust people who fuck with you one foot in....because that means they're prepared to step away at any moment when you're down. They don't got your back. They are around people who drag your name through the mud, and they allow it. AT BEST...since they have one foot in....theyll tap in and say such and such said this....but why didn't you defend me? Why were they okay with these actions with you? Because your friend has their other foot with the opps. Fuck these types of people. Forever. Ive been seeing people put up with this behavior, and I figured id speak on it, because its been on my mind. You don't have to get treated like shit to fit in. Truth is, your friends are probably wack. Your friends probably hate you. Your friends don't want you to do better than them. And no, it doesn't matter how long you've known them. Most relationships stem and grow out of convenience, and lack of change, lack of ambition, lack of dreams and goals. I always thought, its actually very easy to be a good friend when they need you...in moments of tragedy and misery. Because that doesn't shake your foundation, and make you realize you aint shit. It doesn't challenge your framework. Its harder for most people to be a good friend when their friend is celebrating success, because the human nature is to compare, and sometimes that can be a mirror reflection of how you AINT SHIT. Recognize these people and cut this cancer out of your system. Or if you are this person, we all have been at one point, cone to terms with how wack you are and be a good person lmao. I want to see my plumbing friend look me in the eyes and go “im the best plumber in this area and im gunna kill this job and make a living for my family and buy a BMW”, just like I want to see my graphic designer friends believe after their hard work that they're qualified OVER SOMEONE ELSE for their job, to make a great living. Just like I want to see a musician, or rapper, talk his shit and believe in themselves, go platinum, and make a great living and buy a Range. Being around greatness inspires me, never scares me. I love being at the bottom, it amps me up. It gets me going. It gets me off. I love the fight, the grind, the game. Whether its music, or washing windows in the freezing dead of winter for commission to pay for fucking studio time to be where I am right the fuck now boiiiiiii.

Me and Belv have some crazy shit coming. That is all. Okay bye.

0 notes

mydannyme-blog · 8 years ago

Text

Cartoons that are not for kids

i have noticed over the years that theres lots of cartoons that are not for kids

here is a list of them

Ren and Stimpy

despite airing on Nickelodeon was not for kids it had lots of sexual innuondoe graphic vilonce like bleeding intestines eyeballs and kidneys all being thrown up into the air the characters died lots of times and in one episode they go to hell characters tried to kill themselves and said there going to go end it all

Rockos modern life

was not for kids because it had lots of adult jokes some that were even banned and some episodes were very vilonte with some blood

the angry beavers

was not for kids but not because it was inappropriate but because kids wont get some of the stuff like when they dress up as hippies and pimps the show talks about politics and the angry beavers have a no smoking sign in there house

Catdog

was not for kids it had some adult jokes and lots of disturbing stuff cat climbs out of dogs mouth skinned alive a bunny mounts catdogs head on his wall and a armadillo says hes going to kill stuff and mount a girl characters head on his wall

invader zim

was aimed at young teens it was really disturbing and dark

courage the cowardly dog

was not for little kids it was really creepy morbid and dark

the powerpuff girls

was orriginally for Adults and was called the whoopass girls but the creator had to change it to the powerpuff girls but the name is the only thing that changed because it had lots of adult jokes and in the opening of evrey episode him got punched in the mouth with his tooth flying out with blood

johnny bravo

was not for kids it had lots of very edgy adult jokes and the main plot was about a 20 or 30 year old man trying to pick up girls

cow and chicken

was not for kids it was really vilonte disturbing and disgusting

time squad

was not for kids because it has lots of sexual innuendo homosexual innuendo and in one episode theres hippies with red eyes that offer the main characters their special brownies and one of the characters acts drunk and theres some offensive jokes stereotypes and iffy titles

the grim adventures of billy and mandy

was not for little kids it was really creepy vilonte disturbing and dark grim imagines killing the kids billy thinks mandys a cannibal mandy is a sadistic sociopath who beats up and abuses billy billy asks mandy if she wants to play and she says im busy go play in traffic mandy calls everybody to her house and she orders them to kill her nanny pudding finds a bunny and the bunny tries to kill him and then it pops out of some fire and at the end tells pudding he loves him to death with half of his skin missing billy scrapes his face on the sidewalk and his skin peels off billy tells grim to suck it

the marvelous misadventures of flapjack

was not really for kids it was really creepy and had dark imagery

Regular show

regular show is rated TVPG and is not for kids because it has mild swearing like piss crotch crap holy crap and what the h characters are seen and implied to be drinking alcohol high five ghost is seen at a fist pump concert with a beer muscle man knocks on a motel door and a bunch of beer cans come flying out and the characters go to a bar called mchooligans and benson gets very drunk it has lots of sexual innuendo rigby says bensons going to drop his balls and says hes going to be all like oh no my gumballs rigby says he cant believe mordecia is going to a fist pump concert just for some lady pecs a giant coffee bean squirts coffee from his breasts into mordecia and rigbys mouths rigby learns a new move called the pelvic thrust of death benson says hit the lights because its almost 8pm and muscle man unzips his pants and says oh man skips is going to be so suprised when he comes in and sees us all totally naked and benson tells him its not that kind of party and muscle man says oh dont turn on the lights when mordecia tells rigby about a movie rigby says he saw the preveiw for the movie and says there just going to be sitting around talking about there feelings and he sighs and says fully clothed mordecia and rigby are playing a game and a guy and girl character tongue kiss muscle man tells mordecia and rigby that it takes more then expired soda to have a party it takes guests with breasts and mine dont count party pete dry humps 2 girls mordecia sees pops naked and pops covers his crotch with his hat and he lets go for one second and it hangs there mordecia tells rigby about what he saw and mordecia says i was trying not to look just give him back his magazine but i saw his and rigby says his junk mail and mordecia describes pops crotch to rigby muscle man is playing a board game and says a bunch of girls come running at him and say oh muscle man stop pinching me in the butt with your war claw rigby is suprised that muscle man has a girlfreind and says he wonders who has more junk in the trunk a radio announcer says if a car was a girl would you take her on a date and try to get to second base benson tells mordecia and rigby they where supposed to degum the park and he says but instead i find you held up in here twiddling some sticks and mordecia says augh dont say it like that and mordecia tells rigby there going to be playing hard all night and rigby tells him not to say it like that benson tells evrebody about the rules of skeeze ball and says he wants evreyone to lineup and when the balls drop then mordecia and rigby snicker rigby picks up a bra at the old ballroom a giant bolt says hes the king of the bolts and the nuts then mordecia and rigby snicker

and its very vilonte rigby gives muscle man 2 black eyes skips shrivels into dust and almost dies on his birthday mordecia kills rigby by pushing him off a micowave and he shrivels into dust skips kills rigby by smashing him through a table all the characters die in the halloween episode muscle man gets skinned alive skips gets pulled up the chimney and burns to death and mordecia gets his head chopped off offscreen with a machete in the second halloween episode mordecia and rigby die and a giant racoon shaped intestine lands on top of pops head a elf shoots santa clause 2 times in the chest with a gun and rigby has a backstage pass that shows satan chopping off a guys head with a guitar and blood comes out in the third halloween episode muscle man and high five ghost die by getting turned into baking in the fourth halloween episode a guy gets his head chopped off offscreen with trimmers and in the fifth halloween episode sharks bite off bensons arms and kill him and a alien stabs a guy in the chest and you see a hole through his chest

Adventure time

Adventure time is rated TVPG and is not for kids it has mild swearing like crotch crap freaking and son of a it has lots of sexual innuondoe a mermaid pop s out of a river and asks finn and jake which one of them wants to mate with her ice king tells a robot that he can do something that hes failed in and says you can mate with robot princesses finn says theres a lava monster in his front yard and he is so hot and jake says m hmm and finn says no wait i didnt mean like sexy hot and jake says no you do mean sexy hot jake shapes himself to look like a snail and tells finn whos pretending to be a snail that hes just sitting there thinking about mating with snails and finn gets disgusted and says no and the snail says that he will mate with him and jake says where just role playing buddy finn goes into a forest filled with naked people a old guy says oh no and another guy walks by and says my most private parts peeped by a boy a lady calls finn a pervert and he keeps running through the forest and you can hear more people saying my privates jake looks in princess bubblegums room and finn tells him thats pervy in the fionna and cake episode prince gumball asks fionna to come up to his room with him and he starts to unbutton his shirt it turns out it was just the ice queen in disguise but still ice king tells a hitman he hired that someone got hit in the boing loins jake tells finn about the diffrent teirs and finn says what abou t teir 15 and jake says stay away from that do not do teir 15 a guy for a royal competition says its time for the royal spooning and slime princess wants finn to spoon her tree trunks says looks like were all alone and mr pig says wait dont you think there might be cameras in here and says well princess bubblegum is watching i hope so a guy turns into a monster and says im i a walking love magnet and peppermint butler says well you paid the price no doubt and i want to have your babies and he says great to the princess then and peppermint butler says no wait what about me and at the end of the episode peppermint butler asks where the guy went and princess bubblegum tells him i gave him away peps i knew he couldnt be happy without me so i built him a robot wife and peppermint butler says you should have given him to me and smacks princess bubblegum across the face and its very vilonte finn and jake run through a bunch of maces and weapons on a board walk and almost get mutilated finn is seen holding a monsters head magic man turns a bird inside out a giant monster beats finn up and says beg for mercy or i wil l kill you finn chops off a guys head off screen and his head falls on the ground but hes still alive finn beats up some berries and their juice sprays all over him which represents blood the liches skin burns off and he is seen skinned alive and theirs some dark humor jake jokes about seeing dead bodies and guts on the ground and finn and jake try to cheer these people who are trying to mourn there loss up and it makes the guy whos dead angry and theres some suicide refrences like finn lets go of some balloons and they say yay to the metsophere finally we can die jake has a dream where he dies and then he wants to die and a guy named princess cookies tries to kill himself but fails and ends up in a mental institution

MAD

MAD is not for little kids its more for teens i talked to the creator on twitter and he said its for 7-15 year olds

the looney tunes show

is rated TVPG and is not for kids because it has some sexual innuendo lola calls bugs a bad boy when bugs and daffy are chained together bugs asks the police officer how do you explain this chain and the police officer says your personal lives are your business yosemite sam says if theres a tie on the door dont come in at all yosemite sam brings his new wife upstairs with him and in the morning bugs is sitting outside the room and you can hear some moans of happiness it turns out yosemite sam was just trying on gloves lola sits on daffys bed in a sexual manner and in one of the merrie melodies yosemite sam runs outside naked and granny sees him and its very vilonte bugs and daffy are in a near death situation where there blindfolded and are about to get shot with guns bugs is tired of not getting any sleep because of daffy and plans to murder daffy by pushing him off the roof but is stopped before he could do it daffy uses porky as a bowling ball to knock down some pins then later hes seen in a wheelchair and daffy pushes him down the lane again daffy thinks porkys a murderer and it looks like porky is stabbing a girl with a knife in eligible bachelors theres guns in semper lie theres machine guns and in the shell game cecil turtle plans to kill bugs and porky by shooting them with a gun and it just has more adult situations like having roomates dating using credit cards and going to the DMV

sym bionic titan

was not for kids its for older teens

robotomy

was not for kids it was more for older teens and adults i talked to the creator on his website and he said its aimed at little kids to the adults watching Adultswim at night

spongebob squarepants

is not really for kids because seasons 1-3 had lots of adult jokes and some dark episodes like a episode where spongebob and mr krabs think they killed a health inspector then bury his body and stuf f him in the freezer seasons 4 onwards are much darker theres suicide refrences a fish puts a spear up against his neck and says some day but not today a fishs head explodes and another fish sighs and says lucky plankton tries to kill himself and even says cant you see im trying to get run over here and its very vilonte characters skin gets ripped off characters almost get there heads chopped off characters get ripped in half and in one episode the flying dutchman makes it look like a monster bit off spongebobs head and in one of the newest episodes mrs puff tries to murder spongebob and when he survives a monster track ralley mrs puff asks why is he still alive and then tries to run him over with a giant monster truck

gargoyles

was not really for kids because it was very vilonte a gargoyle lands on a building and his palms start to bleed a gargoyle accidentally shoots a girl with a gun and shes seen lying in a pool of her own blood in one episode all the gargoyles die broadway gets blinded and shot and blue stone bronx claw angela and brooklyn are all vaporised on-screen and the main villian kills his son and it has some sexual innuondoe a gargoyle calls another gargoyle kinky and a gargoyle swears in one episode

the shnookums and meat funny cartoon show

the shnookums and meat funny cartoon show was Disneys attempt at a edgy adult themed show like ren and stimpy

gravity falls

was not really for kids it had lots of adult jokes a gnome bathes with some squrriels in a bath tub by a bottle of lotion and later the gnome asks more squrriels to jump in his pants a manotaur says he has fists for nipples in one episode its said that ben franklin chased a guy around spanking him and that he is a cross dressing woman grunkle stan tells mabel in dippers body about the birds and the bees grunkle stan gets naked in a money machine offscreen and theres a sign that says mc suck it and its very vilonte and dark theres a blood stain seen on one page in the journal a kid gets stuck in a cereal box cover and a bird impales him with a spoon offscreen a monster called the trickster eats a kid onscreen bill rips out a deer tooth and gives it to gideon gideon threatens to cut out dippers tongue with lamb shears a old manotaur gets killed onscreen dipper gets a nose bleed some animal heads bleed from there eyes and mouth the show mentions guns and in one episode a guy says what the twins just saw was top secret information and he says even i myself will be shot once the filming is complete time baby vaporizes and kills a guy onscreen a guy falls off a platform and shrivels into dust and the show gets really dark by the end of the series bill has taken over gravity falls and has turned gravity falls into a wasteland bill whips mabel and dippers uncle with a electric whip some demons play a game called spin the body and whoever the body lands on the demon has to eat bill wants to take over the world and will even kill mabel and dipper to do it

wander over yonder

was not really for kids it had lots of adult jokes sylvias old partner shows up and she says wander this is my old partner in crime goes by the name of and then the guy says rider used to uh ride her sylvias a horse but still captain awesome says hes going to bring lord hater down to awesome town then he points at his crotch wander ryhmes and says fix gate needs drilling eat cake its filling date kate shes willing and then he does a eyebrow wiggle and its very vilonte peepers slices kills and opens a plant a guy gets shot in the head with a dart wander gets a new pet called captain tim who sticks his tongue down wanders throat to try to rip out his heart in one episode lord hater imagines killing wander and sylvia dominator kills one of her bots threatens to kill captain awesome wants to destroy the world and tries to kill sylvia and making wander watch as she tries to drill through her chest

pickle and peanut

is not really for kids it has some sexual innuondoe peanut wants to go skinny dipping and pickle and peanut flirt with some girls and its very vilonte pickle and peanut have to fight goats one goat threatens to stab a guy with a knife a girl get s hit in the eye with a squrriel and it bleeds some girl scouts beat up a guy and threaten pickle and peanut a guy plans to kil l peanut and one of pickle and peanuts favirote cartoons has a villian named manslaughter

batman the animated series

was not for kids because its very vilonte batman kills the scarecrow and his body is seen hanging on a ceiling fan not moving batman gets bloody cuts theres real guns and the joker drops a guy in a coffin into a pit of acid and sings to remember him then forgets him and says whos hungry it has some sexual innuondoe harley quinn pops out of a pie for the joker and does a strip tease 2 girls are seen in there pajamas about to have supper its implied there lesbians

batman beyond

was not for kids because its very vilonte characters have guns and knifes and the joker kills people

superman the animated series

was not for kids because there was a villian named nanny goodness who brainwashed and tortured some kids a guy rips a worms skin off and a alien gets shot offscreen and his guts splash across the wall of the ship

teen titans

was not really for kids a puppet master falls over and dies with his eyes opened but other then that season 1 was pretty lighthearted but the show got darker as it went on there was villians like slade who turned people to stone trigon a demon who wants to kill ravens freinds we see cyborgs dark bacstory and in one episode the titans visit the underworld

Teenage mutant ninja turtles 2003 animated series

was not really for kids because it was very vilonte

the Turtles visit a future where splinter is dead and in the end all the future turtles die a guy named bishop gets impaled and doctor stockman creates a new body that starts to rot and you see his flesh

swat kats

was not really for kids because its very vilonte and 2 villians died

captain planet and the planeteers

was not really for kids because it had episodes about drugs and Aids and its very vilonte linkas cousin dies of a drug overdose theres a driveby shootout of a family and in one episode theres a realistic image of a dead kid

spider man the new animated series

was not really for kids because it had swearing like danm hell bitch and crap

and its very vilonte characters get shot with guns and die the lizard falls off a building and dies

the ripping freinds

was not for kids because it was very vilonte a peice of gum sucks the moiusture out of people a worm sucks the spines out of people rips shorts take over jimmy and he crushes and kills a bug with a rock a cow slices off a peice of her skin for the ripping freinds a guy has a organ machine and a kid brings him real organs its very disturbing rip hooks himself up to a pain machine and he gets electrocuted and theres a closeup of his veins moving back and forth and theres some sexual innuondoe a hot dogs lower half rises up a hot dog and bun hug then it cuts to black rip accidentally pops in on a girl taking a shower and he says its okay mam im a ripping freind and the girl screams and throws her brush at him a little girl kisses a naked bear and his crotch then gets stung by bees

Transformers prime

was not really for kids because its the darkest transformers cartoon so far lots of robots died 2 humans died and some humans almost died

jonny quest the real adventures

was not really for kids because its darker and some characters died

oggy and the cockroaches

is not really for kids because its very vilonte and in one episode oggy is seen in a trailer and in the background theres a naked full breasted woman on a calendar

ben 10 alien force

was not really for kids because it was darker and some characters died

Family guy

American dad

the cleveland show

the Simpsons

is not for kids because it has swearing like danm hell and bitch and has lots of sexual innuondoe and its very vilonte theirs a show that the kids like to watch called itchy and scratchy which has lots of gore and the halloween episodes are more darker theres blood and gore and the characters die by getting shot impaled and getting there heads chopped off in one of the newest halloween episodes homer and marge kill themselves and the kids kill eachother characters drink beer and get drunk characters do drugs and theres a mob boss named fat tony who kills people

Futurama

pinky and the brain

was aimed at a general aduience but it seems like it was more for adults and not really for kids because it had some very edgy adult jokes dolly parton says shes brains biggest fan and asks him what he thinks of that and brain says id say puberty was orientally kind to you brain tells pinky to never breed and pinky says ill try a bikini designer walks around pretending to be blind and in one episode they mention sexual harassment

6teen

was not really for kids because it had lots of sexual innuondoe jonsey peeks through a peep hole in a dressing room the characters talk about getting to second base and scoring in one episode theres a character whos gay and it deals with lots of teen situaitions like dating and using credit cards

Total Drama

is not really for kids because it has swearing like crap danm holy crap and hell and some censored swears and in 2 episodes the middle finger is shown censored theres lots of sexual innuondoe a guy asks if hes going to get to second base a guy sees a girl characters breasts and he keeps saying the word boobies and later the other guys ask if they can see a girls breast a guy eats beef testicles and he says the word testicles a guy says he has cow boobies on his head theres a song about mating a guy gets stuck in the statue of liberties breasts and chef says what a way to go and the guy agrees a girl jumps up and down naked offscreen chef enters a jail and a guy makes a kissie face at him a girl has to go into a sauna and says its going to be really hot and a guy and girl character are in a taxi and the taxi driver makes a kissie face at the guy character a plant hatches a egg that looks like chris and in one episode chris jokes about the kids smoking a joint

the animals of farthing wood

was not really for kids because lots of animals died in the show

South Park

Bobs Burgers

is not for kids it has swearing like hell ass danm and bitch and the first episode was about bob serving human flesh theres lots of sexual innuondoe and one episode the kids go to a funeral parlor and almost burn bob alive theres some really dark humor some people exit a funeral parlor and gene turns on his microphone which makes fart noises to try to make the people laugh and in one of the newest episodes bob and linda eat cookies with marijuana in them

Capitol Critters

was not for kids because in the first episode the main characters family dies a girl character is seen smoking characters die theres guns and some sexual innuondoe

Fish Police

was not for kids because their was mild swearing like danm a fish investigated murders and there was pimps and hoes and a bunch of adult stores and strip clubs are seen on the streets

Happy tree freinds

is not for kids because its full of gore

Dick figures

Beavis and butthead

was not for kids it had swearing like hell crap and danm it had lots of sexual innuondoe beavis always wanted to score and the characters where bad role models they would burn stuff destroy stuff throw a dog in a washer and then jump in themselves

1 note · View note