#and it can point out stuff i didnt realize before either

[ganondoodle]

you know i think i had gotten kinda lucky finding so many great to ok totk reviews bc i went to search yesterday (my god is youtube shit at searches now man, i want to see stuff for what i searched for not 20 things other people watched) but there truly is some utter shit there

i went through some that boiled down to angry gamer mad about game (kinda glad really bc seeing someone that actually is like that it makes me feel less like im doing the same xD) one of which saying the only reason the building is in there is bc they were trying to copy ... FORTNITE??? and another ones big point was that .. the graphics and animations are the same which ... just sounds like one of those pokémon people angry that a new game doesnt redo every single model and animation for 400 NPCs

(also one with a one step away from porn thumbnail that later i saw someone else talk about and apparently og video was about zelda being ..... too ... woke ... actually made me a little curious bc what the fuck could possibly be woke in totk?? sonia having slightly darker skin????? but theres no way im giving someone like that views lol)

and a huge portion is videos making fun of bad reviews for totk ...... which i dont think i need to explain why thats not worth anyones time lol

i find it sad how hard it is to find more diverse kind of people making totk reviews since id love to hear someone that may understand and know more than i do talk about it, new perspective and all that (also since most reviews i found good are really taking everything at face value with no one really looking at how the whole hyrule kingdom vs evil desert man is kinda ... not cool) but then again i know how youtube can be and how extreme some hardcore totk defenders are so i probably wouldnt want to get into all that either :U

[joshuamj]

can college just like, pause for a moment. I wanna catch up on linktober :(

[anantaru]

You think rape is funny? Maybe once you fucking experience it you won’t. Fucking cunt.

hello. so I'll just jump right into this. tw. discourse tw. mentioning r*pe.

@saetoru made this claim about me:

saetoru, could you add proof at least? i can not remember a time where i would repost a joke like that so i'd love for you to show me proof please, this is all I'm asking.

also how was it on your dash, on your own dash and @dottores dash, when you have never followed me? + but maybe it was the for you feature that was the same for the both of you.

accusing someone without proof is not okay, again, i can not remember doing this so if you have a screenshot add it so i can remember and apologize, but i can't do anything because i don't remember saying a joke with SA in mind.

before that i just want to mention: i don't think r*pe is funny, i'm not a dark content blog either so i do not really reblog dark content things because i'm sure most of my readers don't want that + I'm just not into that as well. the only joke i was "called out" for once is when i used a "i want xyz character to smack their laptop on my face or tits" which i got from an andrew garfield interview where he read his thirst tweets out loud, at that time i just deleted it because it's alright.

dottores, your mutuals, two of them to be exact, have sent me multiple of your personal blog hate posts about me and not once, have you made one where you talked about me saying an SA joke. you have only claimed that i am a cunt and that i am a gatekeeping bitch hence why i believed this must be the reason why you would suddenly hate me despite the fact we never interacted.

now, I want to address this next, this is from @dottores post which when i got it sent to me, i would've wished she just tagged me right away and said it with her chest, more so not let saetoru talk about her experience but just handle this with me.

^ this is cat @dottores saying i got it wrong.

^ this is why i believed she meant it just like i said it, why do you go through blogs that grow really fast's notes in the first place? where do you take the right to police other blogs like that when i'm sure your blogs aren't empty of blank blogs either. it is hard to get rid of all of them but i'm sure we all try at least, we don't need you to make us feel bad or come off as belittling, if you have found out a way to get rid of every blank blog, do enlighten us please.

+ at that time of this reblog icks?? post that saetoru added, my blog was blowing up so when a moot of mine (which was also theirs at a time) saw this, they had sent it to me.

"creators that grow really fast" and nowhere has she mentioned she only went through only her own moots notes, aside from that apologies but i still find this weird, i don't think you should invest so much time in other people's blog but this is my opinion.

this is the next thing she said:

i don't know if dottores meant me there but i have never once harassed you nor sent you hate anywhere, again you cannot just accuse me of stuff like that when you have also never reached out to me. The things i claimed about you guys in your callout, i have text messages of the person (your moot) who sent it to me.

but back again, the only thing i did do was block dottores on tumblr and then later ao3 when i saw you in tags, which you made fun of me for later:

also i got this ask that time:

"who blocks on ao3?" i do, ao3 is the platform i use the most so why is it funny when i use the block button? + i just like to point something out here, "they must've clicked to read and realize it was me" you can think that if you want i don't mind, but let me ask you this: i have seen you in tags hence why i was able to block you, but how did you notice i did? you can't see me in tags so surely you didnt click on my work, so you must've searched up my user for whatever reason?

and i know this is about me because she added the "this person called me chronically online" i couldn't find the post but what she was talking about is me calling other writers who reblogged that one "ick post" with not needed things such as "when writers cant characterize a character" or "when they only write headcanons", i have plenty of screenshots of that post but since i don't want to use up all my space here, i don't see why i should show their reblogs from this.

there were plenty of people like that, which reblogged horrible things there so i called everyone under that post chronically online, not just you dottores.

yeah :) like people making fun of someone for blocking them for their own comfort. i just don't want to see you, that's all, but i have never send you hate asks nor harassed you, the only thing i did was block the blogs your own mutuals exposed to me.

next:

^ this is after i felt bad for you after the callout.

this is coming from your own mutuals, i have never alone claimed you guys are jealous of me nor is there anything to be jealous about. i am just a blog, this here is not being popular, no one knows who i am and i do not need to pride myself in having a big blog on tumblr.com, and my readers know that. we are all the same here.

next:

i didn't mean you here saetoru but i understand that it sounded that way, the phrasing was a little off, for that i apologise that i made you upset with this, english is not my first language, i'm french, and when it comes to this callout post i was so fed up with it that i just posted it without looking for grammar mistakes etc. + this is about one of your friends who deleted their personal the second i announced i got their user, that was something with kaeya, when they sent me a hate ask. i won't expose it here but that person was also the one who blacklisted a friend of mine for liking itto.

i think there is a lot more but i will stop it there, this could've ended differently and i'm sad that it ended this way. I wish you all the best and i mean it, i hope we all can learn from this and move on, write on tumblr for our favorite characters because it's fun and stay away from drama. If you made it this far thank you ���� — yoru

[baalzebufo]

HIII. can i just say. absolutely ADORE your gravity falls stuff!! i'd love to hear more of your headcanons (especially abt gideon) (that's my SON)

yes yeeees i was part of the Original Wave of Gideon Enjoyers back when like, episode 4 aired and it was about ten blogs who didnt hate his guts. i mean, i still want to throw him out a window, but I also think he has really interesting character stuff going on that some people just didnt wanna look at bc they hated him! which like, fair, he's a villain, but that freaky little dude will always be one of MY faves, haha

this post got. very long im sorry I had to put a readmore here haha but I haven't had an excuse to infodump about this for ages so here's a couple Things I like Thinking About... also a doodle I did the other night to break up the wall of text below

ok ok to start i LOVE him so much as a foil to dipper (and to an extent ford too) as examples of what the journals/that kind of power and information can do to people. its why im so adamant that he does actually have albinism, even if its not Technically Canon. dipper and ford both have a like, 'physical oddity' about them (birthmark, sixth finger) i think it makes sense for gideons to be his albinism as something that set him apart. all three are 'weirdos', were ostracised to an extent by the world, had that longing for something special or important, and then found it. and its what they DO with that which sets them apart

especially as a foil to dipper like... from time to time in the show, he gets a bit gung-ho about abusing the journals power for his own gain. but he has friends and family to reign him back in. he has more of a moral compass about not wanting to hurt people, generally. dipper never became like gideon did

this is getting into headcanon territory here but, my general summary of gideons childhood is an isolated one. only child, fairly sheltered, had some medical complications early in life which led to a lot of time on his own in hospital, attended school briefly and was subjected to significant bullying. and without a real support network outside of his parents who were very doting to the point of spoiling him because hes their Little Miracle he wasnt exactly well-adjusted even as a kid

but basically, that kid ends up finding this journal and learns about spells and evil artifacts and suddenly he has the power to make people like him. not only that but Fear him. he goes from feeling powerless to an absolute ego-trip. and his only close relatives would never tell their little boy 'no' about something, so they're not disciplining him in any way. its a perfect storm for a disaster to happen

it stems from this childish desire to go 'look at me im important and special and everyone likes me' and hes become so embittered already by people being dicks that he doesnt care if he hurts people on the way

that only really changes when mabel shows up and is the first person in town to approach him from a like... normal level. shes nice to him but not in the overly-saccharine and doting way his fans are, just in the way a girl who wants to be friends is. she treats him normally and is nice and he thinks she's pretty and that ALSO becomes a perfect storm of 'well shes nice to me and i like her so i must be in love with her and she is with me!' and, of course. kid who has never heard the word No before. so the later rejection becomes a HUGE sticking point and grudge to the point of being flat-out murderous

later in life with a little Introspection i think he'd realize it was less love and more just. basically imprinting on the first person to be normal and kind at him in years

UM. I should wrap this up i have so much in my brain. gideon was one of my earliest roleplay muses i'd write and draw with my pals, so I subjected him to a LOT of personal characterization stuff and also making a thousand AUs for fun. (aus always come in two flavours either its 'im going to make you marginally more well-adjusted' or 'im going to make you so, SO much worse')

ive got a soft spot for con-men and fake psychics and generally shitty little weasels and gideon just stormed into the show being a jerk with an aesthetic i adore and i was like ahhh. i want to punt him. hes my favourite.

ok im going to shut up now. last minute headcanon. gideon got into wood carving in prison art therapy because using a knife to stab something in a non-murder way helps soothe his urges. he whittles little people figurines

✨

[head---ache]

hi im gonna drop brass' lore on you bc i didnt realize i never did

Just for context, Brass and Emmie are the same age, with Brass being born a couple of months after. So, while Emmie was cooking in the tube, Starline, who we're gonna say is alive, steals Tails' Tube Baby Project™ files, and tries to copy it, because he believes this is an attempt to make a bio-weapon at the same level of Project Shadow, and he wants to be ready for that, and besides, this seems like an improvement from Surge and Kit to him.

So he gets on with it, and he of course has Surge's DNA, but he doesn't want to combine it with Kit's because he can't imagine the result of that mix would be of any use. At some point he gets his hands on one of Amy's quills, probably by being a creepy stalker to all of the main cast, and decides to mix it with Surge's DNA in order to continue with his Anti-Tube Baby Project™, however, he then realizes Tails is actually attempting to take down the power levels and make his project more stable, which is not at all what Starline is looking for. And also, most of the power Tails' baby project would have comes from both from the Chaos Energy Sonic and Shadow have, and the Black Arms DNA passed down from Black Doom, which are things Starline simply can't get his hands to: Chaos Energy? Maybe, but not nearly enough, and it would probably be fake, highly unstable energy. And Black Arms DNA? Simply impossible.

So he just gives up. Tails isn't even making a weapon out of his project, so Starline doesn't even need his own anymore. So he abandons the hedgehog baby he made, inside the tube, and forgets about them for months.

One day Surge and Kit break into Starline's base, looking to steal some stuff from him, mostly Surge's idea just to annoy the guy. They eventually come across the big tube holding the small green hedgehog, still in the tube, however, pretty ready to go. And Surge just acts out of instinct, she doesn't even stop to think for a second before taking the baby with her and running as Kit follows her and keeps trying to ask her what she's doing. The thing is, she doesn't even know, but leaving this baby behind was not an option.

And when they got home it finally dawned on her, that now they had a baby at home and she didn't know what to do with it.

"So, uhm- Are you gonna raise it?" Kit asked, and Surge suddenly snapped as if nothing had happened. She stood up and walked away from the baby, crossing her arms behind her head and turning away.

Chaos, no. She was already a terrible mother to Mareep, she couldn't do that to another child.

"Nah! You can keep it if you want, tho." She shrugged.

Kit moaned, wavering.

And so Brass grew up with Surge and Kit, but they wouldn't call either of them their parents, although Kit would maybe be closer to that, as Surge seemed to be trying very hard to not be a parental figure to another kid.

On the other hand, Brass' relationship with Amy is fine, they can talk, Amy does try to be part of their life, but Brass is very indifferent to the idea. I'll share a little dialogue I have in mind because to be honest I don't really have much context for it, but it explains Brass and Amy's relationship kinda well.

"Listen, Amy, you're nice, and all, but you're not my mom."

"But I could be, Brass. I want to be, if you let me."

"I just- I don't think I want that, yeah? You can just pay attention to your actual children, I'm fine."

And also about Brass relationship with Mareep, it's also fine. They get along, they're just not super close. But they also have a mutual understanding, and Brass might be a little jealous since Mareep at least has Lanolin. And Mareep is a little jealous because Brass doesn't seem to be doing too bad even after being raised by Surge, while on her end Surge was kind of the root of all of her problems. But they get along fine.

Basically Brass wasn't super close to anyone (but acting as if it was fine), until she met a certain hedgehog-alien girl and her AI girlfriend TEHEHEHE (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)

[lynn-tged-posting]

tged webtoon ep 164 spoilers and thoughts that are totally not late what are you talking about this is on time for sure <- writing the day that 165 drops

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JAVIER WAS THE ACTUAL MVP OF THIS WHOLE EPISODE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA HAHAHAHAH GOD I LOVE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH

THAT SIGNATURE SLIGHT SMIRK, THE MENACE IN HIS EYES. YES!!! SAVE UR MAN FROM GRIEF!!! GO KNIGHT BOY GO!!!!!!!

oh how he's grown, oh how he's learned from lloyd,,, truly using all the skills hes seen and putting them to the test. ITS SO FUNNY HOW EFFECTIVE THIS IS HAHAHAHAA THE EXPRESSIONS ARE SO SO GOOD THEYRE SO UNHINGED I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

back to the top!

lloyd trying to bargain and figure out loopholes only to realize there really is no other way besides losing it all over again makes my heart ACHE. OOOWWW. OWWWWWWWW.

just. watching that shutdown happen is so so so cruel why would u do this to me. the way the artist shows the energy and life just leaving his eyes and then subsequently showing how. tired he is. makes me so so emotional

it fucking HURTS. and by god ive been there before - certainly not to this extent ofc, but ive also been in tough spots where all the work ive done for my engineering projects ends up being,,, pointless. it is VERY real, how demoralizing that feels and lloyds reaction to that, and i cant imagine the scale of how that despair increases when its related to the work you did to simply just live in peace. god. ow. ow ow ow ueueueuuee

like he just essentially got told that it didnt matter how hard he fought to live, to survive, it doesn't matter that he's "lloyd" now; kim suho is destined for an ill-fate. and considering we know him as someone who lives almost entirely for others? it's basically "hey, all this stuff u did for other people to make urself not a burden, became a burden. tough luck!" GOD THATS SO. GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHH

and he's trying so hard to think of himself as lloyd frontera still but like. whats the point? his association with lloyd frontera became the thing that doomed him

this panel in particular is INSANEE AAGHGHGHHGGG the colors washed out, how limp he looks, the blankness of the background like nothings there. this is where lloyd is right now, hope ripped from him, this reflects that really well. it HURTS.

is dissociated the right word for this? in despair? either way he's emotionally and mentally going THROUGH it, and essentially back to isolation considering how he ignores javier

i also wonder now if lloyd has already made a choice, to let javier live? we dont get to see more of his thoughts beyond this point, so its hard to say whether or not he's already made the decision of which protagonist lives,,, god im so worried for him. a part of me suspects that maybe he already chose javier to live,,, IM SO SCARED,,,,

speaking of javier,,, we see him talking to arcos and marbella!! and AGGGHHH AAAHHH MY HEART i really really think that javier was being completely genuine here. i think he really believes this. javier in general has a tendency to be incredibly genuine in the things he says (examples i cant think of off the top of my head but this episode has a lot of em LOL). he's asserted multiple times that he believes lloyd can save their estate, and its clear he means it every time. the faith javier has in lloyd is so so strong and it makes me so fucking EMOTIONALLL im getting ahead of myself a little bit sorry

but then the stare that arcos gives to javier,,, i think silent was the one who mentioned it but its as if arcos isnt sure if he should believe him, and if u take into account the last time they asked about lloyd's status,,, it's very much possible that he doesnt believe javier, but javier has so much faith in lloyd that he leaves them alone anyway. god,,, gghh,,, mmy heart,,,,

AND JAVIER ASKING LLOYD TO WAIT FOR HIM AND THAT HE'LL HELP LLOYD GET BACK TO HIS FEET GOD GHGHGH HE LOVES HIM SO FUCKING MUCH GOD FUCK GOD DAMMIT YOU!!! YOU!!!!

lloyd doesnt even respond but javier doesnt need to wait for a response bc he'll do whatever it takes now to protect this noble he's come to care for and love and gone on so many adventures with GOD DAMMIT GOD DAMMIT FUCK

and now we reach the second half of the episode and it made me giggle SO FUCKING HARD HAHAHAHAHAHAA

LIKE I SAW THIS PANEL AND MY JAW DROPPED PLEASE JAVIER ALDKJFLSKJDF

ppl were posting that apparently someone in ORV does this too and like thats so fucking funny . if i had a nickel for every time there was identity fraud in a manhwa id have two nickels

POOR RAPHAEL GETTING CAUGHT IN THE FIRE TOO HAHAHAHA HE LOOKS SO NERVOUS

some more panels of javier harnessing all that unhinged lloyd energy IT'S SO SO GOOD. it feels like javier's now a really really strong prosecutor i think he'd do a good job as a lawyer. THIS IS SO SO FUN

LIKE HE LOOKS SO MENACING GOD ITS SO FUNNY AHHAHAHAHA while making entirely good points he's so golden i love u sm javier. yes save ur man. outargue the FUCK out of these angels u clever little knight.

THE BITS WHERE ITS REVEALED HE'S TRULY GENUINE TOO ARE SOOOO FUCKING GOOD

ITS FUNNY ON TOP OF BEING SO REAL OF JAVIER

i talked about it above but like. when javier really truly believes something, when he really truly wants something, it's so fucking obvious. this boy does not lie or pretend about how he feels, point blank period. hell we've seen his behavior when he lies/is not telling the truth; his words are stiff and out of character, and his expression is either menacingly tight or stiffly robotic. he has so, so SO much faith and such a deep desire to save lloyd, and it shows in how he's genuinely fucking thankful that the angels agreed to (or well, were coaxed into agreeing) with what he asked for. i think it's a really interesting character trait and it completely tracks that javier was the protagonist of knight of blood and iron. genuine, emotional characters who love and lose, who have hope and can believe and can also experience despair, can make for an extremely compelling story. javier nails it right on the head

i also think that this character trait completely influenced the way javier used the tactics that lloyd uses. like yes, this is something that lloyd could do, but he also would never be able to pull it off because he doesnt have that same protagonist heart and honest-to-god (pun intended) genuineness that javier has. this inherent authenticity that javier seems to just naturally possess is what allowed him to make these statements and demands, because the sincerity he wears on his sleeve makes it all end up feeling reasonable. only javier could have done something like this, and no one else. i think thats REALLY fun!!!

that is all for this ep for now,,, i am SUPER excited to see where this'll go. hopefully we will hear from alicia abt the eye of summer!!! god javier u clever lil thing im so glad he was able to do this SAVE UR BOYF!!! AAAAHHHH

see y'all next week! aka tmrw! today? whenever 165 drops!

[anyasathenaeum]

Can i request vash & wolfwood his wife didnt know she pregnant, so reader do overwork until pass out in the end both of them know reader is pregnant, and the reaction his wife giving birth the twins i wanna see how absurd they face it 🥺🙏✨ thank you

And really love u writings anyway

A/N: WAIT THAT'S KINDA CUTE, headcanons coming up! Thanks for the request and thank you so much for reading my stuff! :D

Warnings: Mention of pregnancy, childbirth, blood, slight violence in Wolfwoods', reader is AFAB in this one

Vash the Stampede

Given that Vash is... Vash, there was no way either of you knew if you could even get pregnant in the first place.

Seriously - no known plant/human hybrids existed, so the two of you never really thought much of it. You both just kind of assumed hybrids couldn't exist because plants couldn't reproduce with humans

Well, how WRONG you both were

But of course, because neither of you knew it could happen, neither of you caught on when you eventually started feeling nauseous, throwing up at random points in the day and feeling gently under the weather

110% you and Vash both were like "aww dang a cold? That sucks" and Vash would cuddle you lots to try and make you feel better cause he just thought you were sick

You also didn't let this sudden "sickness" slow you down - you kept working hard, on the run with Vash and the others, moving constantly, sleeping under the glow of the worms in the warm sand, hauling your weight and then some as the group continued to travel across No Man's Land

However, what you hadn't anticipated was suddenly not being able to do as much as you used to be able to - suddenly the sun beating down on you was too much, the heat overwhelming, and before you knew it, you had collapsed

Vash and the others were definitely concerned, but the concern turned to confusion and disbelief when they accidentally got a look at your stomach when your shirt had ridden up as you sat up once you regained consciousness - your stomach was SWOLLEN.

Everybody was a bit freaked out, you very much included, until you started to put the pieces together - your "illness", your sudden inability to tolerate things as you had before, your stomach swelling

"Vash... I-I think I might be... pregnant?"

Honestly, I think Vash would be stunned at first but once he realizes that what you're saying makes sense (and after the confirmation of a doctor from one of the nearby towns you guys travelled through), he'd be DELIGHTED

Would be the type of husband/partner who would never let you carry anything heavy anymore, hovering over you protectively, always worrying and making sure you were comfortable and not endangering yourself or your baby

"You need to rest, (Y/N)! You're growing a whole new being, you and I have gotta make sure you're taking good care of yourself now!"

Would give you ankle/foot massages A LOT to help with discomfort

Vash would definitely spend a lot of time talking to your tummy as it grows bigger, pressing soft kisses to your stomach and caressing it gently

Vash would be excited but TERRIFIED simultaneously to be a dad - so much sadness, death and regret followed him everywhere he went, and he was terrified to bring you into it, let alone an innocent child

You would have to comfort him and reiterate that you were in it together and that you think he'd be a wonderful dad

Also, because Vash is a plant and they age rapidly compared to humans, the pregnancy would be faster than a traditional human pregnancy

Vash has seen births before, especially given how long he's been around, so that part of it all doesn't make him nervous. The fact that now, it's HIS child, THAT makes him nervous

Would absolutely cry during the birth of your twins, partially out of fear, partially out of joy, and also partially because you'd gripped his hand so hard that you'd likely broken several of his fingers (oops)

Borderline passed out when they told him there were TWO babies - he wasn't expecting that at all

IDK why but I can see him being a dad to either twin boys (like him and Nai), or 1 girl, 1 boy.

It doesn't matter though, cause Vash would love your babies from the moment they let out their first cry, the reality hitting him - he's a father now.

Would give anything to protect you and his children - you're his world. His family. <3

Nicholas D. Wolfwood

Unlike Vash, you and Wolfwood absolutely knew that pregnancy could happen

You and him both were sorta neutral about it - not actively trying to prevent a pregnancy, but not actively trying to conceive either.

"If it happens, it happens," Wolfwood said with a shrug when you brought it up to him

And so, you two just went about your lives together as always.

Of course, neither of you really bothered to keep tabs on your pregnancy status because you were busy travelling (and being on the run) with Vash and the others

Everything was as it usually was, with the group trying to escape from another disastrous clash with a police force of some kind, bullets flying past you all

You were hiding behind a corner, covering Wolfwood as he managed to fend off the cops coming after Vash and the rest of you, when a stray bullet struck you in the side, causing you to cry out and fall back

"(Y/N)!" You heard Wolfwood scream out your name, but you couldn't seem to see where he was anymore

Before you knew what was happening, the world went black

When you woke, your eyes opening to bright light, you quickly gasped and sat up only to cry out from the sharp pain in your side

Wolfwood was by your side, a deep scowl on his face, but you could see in his eyes that he was scared

"Mornin', sweetheart, nice of you to rejoin us in the land of the living."

Once you were more fully awake, the doctor came in to speak with you and Wolfwood, cheerfully reporting that "Thankfully, the bullet missed anything important, and the baby is just fine, too."

Umm, what?

Both you and Wolfwood choked slightly on your own spit as the doctor said that, with you coughing out "What baby?"

Yup, turns out you were pregnant and had been for a little while already at that point

From that point forward, Wolfwood becomes EXTREMELY protective of you, refusing to let you walk in front of him or even stand in front of him (he plans to use his body to protect yours if something bad happens)

He'd do his best to smoke less and not do it around you because it isn't good for the baby (he's trying hard but he still forgets sometimes)

Wolfwood would be the kind of guy who outwardly seems very relaxed and unphased by the situation but secretly has tried to read through every parenting book he could get his hands on

And when it's time for you to give birth? Listen, Wolfwood has seen a lot of things in his life, but he was NOT expecting birth to be that gruesome

Would become very pale, sweating profusely before dropping like a stone, out cold

Comes back to life when your baby begins to cry, announcing their arrival into the world

You would witness a rigid man bend and soften in front of you - you'd see Wolfwood's gaze soften and a genuine smile appear on his face as he holds your and his baby in his arms, a tiny hand wrapping around one of his fingers

Love at first sight for Wolfwood - he never thought a family would be something he wanted, but now that he has one? He's never letting go of it

Until the doctor announces that the second baby was coming

Thankfully the nurse had enough sense to take your baby from Wolfwood's arms shortly before the doctor announced that because he ended up back on the floor, out cold again

Kind of a wuss around childbirth but he loves his babies (and you) more than anything else in his life

I can definitely see him as a dad to twin girls (idk why he gives me girl dad energy)

[animentality]

Thoughts on this post?:

https://www.tumblr.com/animentality/64152073250/abc-newsman-proves-danger-of-allowing-transgender?source=share

thanks for reminding me to delete that post I made in literally 2013 when I was 15 because it doesn't reflect who I am as a person anymore.

is this supposed to be a gotcha?

are people supposed to be born woke?

I am amazed you managed to even find this post with like 6 notes, where I legitimately asked people for their opinion on the subject because I was unsure about it and I had certain taught biases that I hadn't learned to abandon yet.

it might amaze you to know that I once told a guy he'd make a great wife when he mentioned he liked cooking.

this was in 2012.

how cisheteronormative of me, right?

but you were all so woke in 2012, weren't you?

you never said anything that was not PC as a teenager.

you never told edgy jokes or said stupid offensive things.

you were born perfect, I'm sure.

it's not like I'm proud of the dumb stuff I said.

but I didn't start identifying as nonbinary until I was 18, and I didn't start identifying as trans until I was 21.

I was raised by an older mother, not a gen x er or a millennial, but a baby boomer, whose inherent biases still sometimes surface in me when I least expect it.

I was raised Catholic.

I had JUST STARTED PUBLIC SCHOOL, after spending literally 6 years in a fucking Catholic school.

I DIDNT UNDERSTAND transgender issues, nor did most people in 20 fucking 13.

how the fuck could I

my mom to this day doesn't know what the fuck nonbinary or trans are, and I identify as both.

how was I supposed to know?

I'd never even met anyone in the LGBT community at that point, nor had I realized I belonged there either.

I literally didn't even know I was pan at that point, or that I was nb/trans myself, or how I felt about most political topics.

that's why I ASKED.

and I said the wrong things. yeah, I did.

but no one had taught me the right words.

and in that post, no one bothered to explain it to me either.

I had to learn that over time.

and guess what?

I'm still not perfect now. I'm still going to make mistakes because times change, as they always do.

and all we can do is try and forgive people who are trying and doing their best, and remaining open minded to things they don't understand right from fucking birth.

but by all means, do search my history to your hearts content.

honestly, I kinda wanna see what dirt you find because this was an interesting look at the kinds of things I thought in 2013.

I can look back at myself and see how far I've come.

this post was interesting to read for me because it was wildly off mark, it misgendered trans women, and it lacked political, historical, and social understanding...

and so?

yeah?

it's offensive. it's bad.

and I didn't know any better.

but lol.

people learn things. people change their opinions.

if you people spend all your time digging up dirt and trying to cancel people for who they were, rather than who they are, or who they're trying to be... I have news for you.

your existence is pointless and your efforts are meaningless.

but I am flattered you did such a deep dive, anon.

please do find more and send them to me.

I'd like to know what other gotchas you can yank out of my ass.

I used to be on Facebook in 2011 before I deleted it in like 2013.

see if you can find anything there.

I used to write cringy poetry. it might be funny to read now.

[verdart]

I made the unfortunate decision to comment on a tiktok saying

"Blitz has every right to doubt Stolas' intentions and I will di on this hill defending Blitz"

Which made me actually realize in the context of Stolitz how much the fandom vilifies Blitz.

Upon rewatch I realized that he is actually kinda innocent lmao. So here comes the rant hop on in Verda rants at 4am again train.

The thing is first of all we need to work our media literacy muscles. So Stolas stans who think he is a uwu babygirl that dod nothing wrong repeat after me. "Blitz didn't watch "just look my way", "owl in a cage" or any other Stolas longing scene that we cried over"

Now that thats setteled I don't want to hear any "he is trying" bs because as of now (pre full moon s2e8) he hasn't actually done anything that Blitz is aware.

Lets start from the top my initial comment was about how Stolas treated him for so long before actually catching the feelings and how Blitz has a right to think he is not genuine.

Up top lest start with the condescending pet names and I won't be hearing Blitz cant be mad at that Stolas does it bc he thinks he likes it... jesus okay s2e1 when stolas starts the imp dirty talk what does blitz do a) encourage him b) get naked and dtf bc that was hot, c) shuts him up

Ding ding ding C. Stolas can still take this as bedtime play sure but we have a case for Blitz not liking it from day one. Other than that we all know he views Stolas' (perhaps in his mind endearing) pet names as condescention.

Secondly even if we ignore the power imbalance Stolas is the one to suggest the transactional fucking... s1e1 even tho in the forst time it was Blitz's doing, sorta. So don't at me saying well Blitz just uses him for the grimoire, like girly duh that was the premise. But Stolas also uses Blitz. Imo lending a book vs fucking in payment is a bot excessive but for Blitz's case beggars cant be chosers.

Now to the elephant in the room... Ozzie's. Does Blitz invite him (Stolas) purely out of selfish intentions that has nothing to do with him? Yes. Is he a dick? Yes. But Does Stolas hide his fucking face when he has a reality check? Yes. But then y'all be mad bc Blitz pulled his hand back.

That night Stolas was read once, Blitz was like at least 2 times... if we don't count the stuff for Stolas by proxy. He was having a hard night bro. And after Stolas invites him he is like no and Stolas respects that. Which if the show didn't add s2e2 in between it wouldve been a perfect stepping stool to get the Stolitz on healthy communication territory but that didn't happen.

I cannot for the life of me pin point when Stolas genuinely falls for Blitz. If its from day one damn it took him long enough to understand what he was doing was wrong.

Anyways we as fans can't be mad at Stolas because we know he is starting to understand the absolute power imbalance he created and the position he left Blitz in. He has realized that the thing is lets remember and repeat "Blitz is not watching the show with us". Blitz doesn't know of this sudden change of heart.

Now to adress a few meaningful interactions we have after ozzies. The fucking pixelated phone texts from s2 western energy.

Stolas apologizes but in that way that I look down upon. "Sorry if" like girl own it up anyways Blitz brushes it off and Stolas instead just goes hehe I didnt care either. Yall need relationship therapy my god. Important thing is Stolas was trying to reach out. But instead of going anything I said that made you upset etc he could've actually apologize properly for getting ashamed. Tho Blitz should also apologize for inviting him on a date for his own gain but thats another bag of worms I won't open tonight.

Other than that he has put off seeing him and doing the transactional fucking for a while. During those times. And as we know from all the phones Blitz breaks after talking to Stolas and hearing hus dirty talk he isn't too excited about. We don't exactly know if he comes or not on those nights. But he is also showm to be quite comfortable in s2e2 with the "my dick is good but its not that good" comment so maybe they do continue the arrangement... idk. Either way we know they haven't really talked.

All I am saying is that both parties of this ship are guilty af of hurting eachother and taking advantage of eachother. But as the power house of this power imbalance, Stolas needs to be held accountable. And he is doing that now!! Or will, in s2e8 and I can't wait to see how that goes. Overall, I can see totally why Blitz shuts down any signs that Stolas might actually be into him. He has a good bunch of reasons too. And as far as we've seen from the trailer we will get to hear him say it out loud as he should.

[anniiecrsta]

analysis on ‘impossible woman’ and ‘please’ from the book lyrics ? <3

author’s note: hii!! tysm for the ask. i didn't do please mostly because i didnt have anything to listen to except the lyrics and also this one took me DAYS on its own. i might tackle it sometime later. i LOVEE analyzing the lyrics in djats like its actually a problem and heh… ik who u are and ily teehe :D

‘impossible woman’

(link to an ai recreation. credits to the creator.)

the song ‘impossible woman’ is probably one of, if not the single best song from the book: while reading the song list in the book, a lot of time i just end up staring at the titles and thinking ‘oh this is so OFF?’ like, for some reason it just doesn’t feel like a real album. all the songs put next to one another just give me the idea that its not REAL and the lyrics sometimes too but impossible woman always did it for me.

there’s nothing fundamentally WRONG with more fun to miss, like, its not a bad song: the message is clear, you can tell what’s it’s trying to be and the instrumental is really catchy but i just find that when i think of the scenes and everything that led up to billy writing that song, impossible woman just… makes more sense? it’s my opinion of course. ANYWAYS time for the analysis of the lyrics!!! click here for the lyrics

im gonna be cross comparing the two songs a LOT so i thought i’d start with pointing out lyrics that i liked from more fun to miss as just like… a starting point: ‘you’re more fun to miss, than to be with’ and ‘you’re just a wild guess in a see through dress’. like its COOL and riley keough sounds awesome but in the context of what happened the night before i dont think it makes much sense. click here to listen to more fun to miss

but the lyrics of the original just really get the point across of how billy thinks of daisy as this untouchable woman that’s effectively ripping his life to shreds by his own accord like… he’s just staring because she’s impossible and he sees her as BIGGER THAN LIFE (which i will come back to later) and like a disaster that’s just destroying everything and can’t stop, “sand through fingers” because she’s slipping through his fingers. it’s just a demeaning song overall like… it’s a jab at daisy and a mean one at that.

“dancing barefoot in the snow” in my eyes is just a straight mention to the scene where she walks on glass (and for the longest time i was convinced that he outright talked abt glass) “cold can’t touch her, high or low” is again a reference to the drugs she takes, like, the fact that she’s so high she doesn’t even react to the weather— he talks abt it a few times in the book so i assume its that.

“untouchable, she’ll never fall” is pretty self explanatory again but it leads back to what i was saying at the start: billy’s always seen daisy as something larger than life, like something that he either got rid of or would stay around forever. she’ll never fall. i KNOW that the overdose isn’t a scene that’s present in the book, so the context wouldn’t be there, but just think about how interesting it would’ve been?? there’s already the guilt from everything, how he’s treated her and stuff, but also the realization that is in fact human. broken but not in an intangible way."

“oh she's gunning for you redemption” just comes across as how billy sees and interprets a lot of her actions to be against him, like purposefully, and how he's very clearly irritated and almost jealous of the fact that she can get high and wasted and do everything that he can't do right in front of his eyes, even if he knows it's wrong and he knows the road it leads you down: i also see it as billy projecting a lot of his own faults and like i said earlier, problems on daisy due to how similar he thinks they are, and “she’ll having you coming for the wrong obsession” also rapresents how he thinks of her as just another vice that he needs to stay away from to keep his fragile control of his life (at least that's how he treats her at the start, avoiding her and treating her like shit and doing everything he can just to get jer away, which i know he also does just because he doesn't like the fact that somebody else is coming in and changing shit he made, you know, challenging his control). she is a mirror of himself if he didn't have anybody to try and keep fighting for, if he was alone, and he finds the idea of indulging in daisy just as dangerous as drinking a bottle of beer.

the last sentence before the song loops back around after the chorus, and yes im ignoring the finale because this is the main part of the song, is "have you headed back to confession?" which to me just feels like a taunt: but im not sure wheter its a taunt to daisy herself, or a taunt billy makes to himself. the lines get a bit blurrier between them. since this whole song is just a dig at, like i said earlier, daisy, and also based off of the fact that we know that she is a religious person 'till she has her overdose (in the show, but i assume its the same in the book), im more leanient towards billy taking this dig at daisy based exactly off of the fact she belives in god. we know billy went to church with his mom and he lives with a very deep sense of guilt, so it could really be either. i'd love to know what ygs think abt this last one....

TYSM FOR STICKING AROUND !!!! PLS LMK IF U AGREE OR NOT OT JUST OPINIONS !!!!

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

hey you seem to really know your stuff with titanic and im curious if you can tell me more about that night? a lot seem to think everyone either just drowned or froze too death, but i have a feeling it was a lot more awful than people realize, considering all the jokes people make about the sinking they seem clueless to the fact this was a very bad and awful way to die, for everyone on that ship, especially the third class :/

you know, ive always thought i didnt know that much about titanic but as ive sat here parsing through what i do know, turns i know a lot more than i thought.

and unfortunately, anon, youre very right, it was a horrible way to die, especially so for the third class.

quite a lot of people did drown or freeze to death which are horrifying ways to go by themselves.

at the time, evacuation plans for big oceanliners were shit so a lot of people wouldnt have gotten their lifesavers on, and off the top of my head, i wouldnt be able to tell you how many people could swim back then, but it was certainly less than today. it was only in the 90s that swimming became a compulsory part of the curriculum in schools in the uk, so unless you had reason to know to swim, you probably didnt know if you were british.

and i dont think i need to go into the biology of drowning to tell you its not a fun way to go. its fucking painful, for one, and two, you would have been terrified if you drowned during a fucking shipwreck.

it was also very cold, unsurprisingly. its the north atlantic. it was about 28°F or -2°C which is a lethal temperature. for some reason, a lot of people think that freezing is a relatively peaceful way to die; its not. i cant speak myself for how awful being so cold youre shivering is (i cant really feel the cold because of nerve damage but thats beside the point), but everyone ive spoken to about it resoundingly says its fucking awful. you also experience disorientation, muscle stiffness, excruciating pain in your extremities as your body pulls circulating blood from them to keep your vital organs going, and if youre very unlucky, you might also get frostbite (which can kick in under 30mins) which will add some burning pain.

an added kicker to the cold is that even if you can swim, the shock of cold water might make it harder. im pretty sure shock also likely killed people outright.

another way of dying if you made it out of the boat and into the water (spoiler: several people didnt) is if you were too close to the funnels when they collapsed, you would have been crushed by 62ft tall metal funnels. dozens died that way and if the crushing didnt kill you, you would have either drowned or frozen to death soon after.

you could have also been killed by any number of things that fell from the ship, especially as the stern (the end bit) began to lift up before the ship finally broke in two.

mind you, all of this happened in almost darkness. the engineers kept the lights on as long as they could but eventually they cut out and part of what made the iceberg so hard to see was the fact that it was a new moon.

one of the other things that made it hard to spot is one of the few not good things, but better: the ocean was relatively calm. it made it hard to spot icebergs because you can normally watch out for the foam of the water as it splashes on them. although it led to the sinking itself, it did make launching lifeboats possible (its hard as hell to launch lifeboats in violent ocean today let alone the dinky little wooden ones back then) and those in the water werent being thrown around as much as they could have been. though thats not saying much.

and of course, there are those who didnt make it out of the boat. movies did not lie to you about that although they did lie to you about the specifics.

historical record suggests that they did not purposefully lock third class passengers below deck like many movies show. testimony from the few third class passengers who survived indicates this which is why im likely to believe it. they were able to get up on deck, but it also wasnt easy to do that.

now, crew have said in the haste of the evacuation, they didnt remember to tell the third class passengers the plan. now is that true or is it just a more favourable story to tell during the inquiry? i cant say, for sure. either could be true and both highlight how we treated the poor in society back then (and as a poor, its reflective of today). as such, many third class passengers simply left the cabins and waited outside to be told what to do and that didnt happen. eventually, they made their way up themselves, some due to the fact that they could see the rising water.

and not all of them made it to deck. some chose not to, and again, going off third class survivor testimony here which is why im willing to believe it. theres a specific story about a woman who put her baby on her lap and simply played the piano until the atlantic rose to meet her. another of a man who told his brethren that he was too old to fight the atlantic, and simply lit a cigarette and waited.

others got lost because titanic was a large ship and it was very easy to get lost. especially in the panic of a sinking ship and under lights that are getting dimmer. luckily, some crew remembered oh shit the poor people exist and went down to help any that needed it, so some were led out but that doesnt mean they all did.

also, sadly, it probably wouldnt have helped. similarly to the engineering crew that kept the engines going as long as they could before evacuating themselves, there simply werent enough lifeboats and they were all or almost all gone.

additionally, there were no lifeboats on the third class deck space so they had to make their way to either second or first in order to get into a lifeboat. dont quote me on this because i might have the wrong place, but this is where there was a locked gate for third class. luckily, they snapped the lock off of it and got the fuck out.

anyway, back to those inside. now some of the people trapped inside likely drowned, especially those trapped in the bow as it slowly filled with water and began to sink into the water. the risk of drowning also got worse, once things like walls and doors gave out and in comes a rush of freezing cold sea water.

but that isnt the only likely fate. a rush of water can push quite a lot of things and terrifying speeds which meant people would have been killed via blunt force trauma or being impaled on something. especially for those in the stern (again, the back bit) as it lifted because gravity is not helping here. those still trapped inside would have held on for dear light as the light slowly dimmed and became redder before finally cutting out as the ship broke in two.

now if you were in the stern and escaped death via drowning, blunt force trauma or impaling, you would have definitely been killed by water pressure. see, the bow was able to fill with water relatively slowly and equally which is why its still decently intact on the seabed because it sank relatively slowly. the stern did not and thats why the stern looks like an underwater crash site. as the stern sank, it sank quickly which meant there were still air pockets inside as it sank. and as it came down, the pressure built and soon the people above water could hear what sounded like explosions. it would have been a quick death, but thats the most i can say.

i cant speak for if any kind of sealife killed anyone. i havent heard of any testimony of that and i dont know whats there in the north atlantic to kill people. i assume theres something there, but i couldnt tell you what.

im also sure i missed some forms of death, but off the top of my head, thats what i got.

and yeah, it wasnt pretty and most of the people who died were third class or crew members.

[void-with-a-keyboard]

so

*tents my hands mischievously*

sun and solars early relationship

i said i would talk about it SO I AM

im just. imagining solar so desperately pining for sun but refusing to do anything about it bc he was too scared to- so hes just silently watching from a distance and no u didnt just see him staring at sun while playing with the kids wut r u talking about?? he definitely doesnt find everything that sun does endearing and adorable y would u ever think that???

i feel like either moon or lunar or earth (or maybe all 3 lmao) would be like "just talk to him man" and so eventually he does and hes like "actually this isnt so ba-" GETS HIT WITH EMOTIONAL BEAM

he feels like 20 things at once and he doesnt know wut to do with himself. he wants to cry, he wants to hug him, he wants to kiss him, he wants to apologize even tho this isnt his sun and he feels both amazing to get to talk to him but also so emotional bc this isnt his sun hes talking to so eventually he runs off and sun is SUPER worried bc he has no clue wut just happened- one second he was talking with solar and the next solar is running out of the room with no explanation

eventually he does talk to sun again bc sun is worried n asks wuts wrong and blah blah blah emotion stuff. eventually it leads to solar talking about how much he misses his sun and how he wishes he could have that same connection he had and sun is like "well, i could be ur brother too?" and solar at first is like "no no u dont have to" but at the same time hes been YEARNING to have that connection with sun FOR SO LONG. its not gonna be the same as before, and he knows that. but its better than nothing, ya know?

and so then they slowly grow closer and closer. i imagine that solar and sun is like the "fell first and fell harder" trope. solar obviously fell first (if ya cant tell lmao). he has no fucking clue wut to do. sure at this point probably everyone is kissing everyone but for my own sanity im going to ignore that so my adhd doesnt get side tracked- but he doesnt really know wut to do since- how tf do u tell ur brother u wanna kiss him?

then u have sun over here who eventually comes to his own realization of "oh shit i really like him like that" and hes just- fumbling all over the place AND IS SO AWKWARD ABOUT IT TOO- like solar can at least PARTIALLY compose himself and hide since its been going on for so long but sun absolutely did NOT catch himself and face planted into his own feelings like a pool of oobleck, hitting hard then slowly sinking further and further (strange comparison ik but its the most accurate)

but they do eventually confess! i say sun does first bc he just NEEDS to let his feelings be known and if solar doesnt feel the same then thats okay bc he can manage and he wont ever bring it up again- ofc solar is absolutely fucking flabbergasted and is screaming internally bc "WTF IS HAPPENING-" but eventually he (metaphorically) slaps himself back to reality and admits that he feels the same

AND THEN THEY KISS THE END!!!!

[xmorguekittyx]

Daddy’s Got You Now…

description: In which, Megumi Fushiguro needs a mother and his father needs someone to keep under his thumb.

warnings: 18+, mentions of dubious content; older Toji (early to mid 30’s), younger reader (early 20’s), daddy kink mentioned, spit mentioned, manipulation, use of a child against someone, forced relationship, forced coercion, innocent reader, forced dom/sub relationship, domestic violence, crying, bodily fluids and mentions of male and female anatomy.

:dead dove; do not eat:

love… it can come in all kinds of forms; but those who crave it lick it off of a jagged knives edge, begging for more once it slices into the tastebuds that savor the blood and feeling of being “loved”.

Puddles of water splashed under his feet, pants soaked from the sidewalk cracks, water pooling together. his mind too focused on his inner monologue than where his feet ended up. just a bottle of whiskey and he'd rush back home to make sure the brat didn't wake up while he was gone. another knock on the neighbors door and Megumi was sure to be taken away from him. maybe a mother for Megumi wasn't a bad idea, someone he didn't have to pay to watch his kid. he was a ladies man; he had plenty of one night stands before megumi popped his little head out and ruined them, fingers digging in his eyes as he whined about being woken up, probably by whoever's whorish moans he had in his bed that night. fortunately, for megumi, those nights had ended. shiu had send off toji on another manhunt, leaving him no time for women... besides one.

another day… another murder… another sleepless night hearing his son snore away in his room, small body wrapped tightly into blanket, hands under his chest as the toddler breathes evenly. the sounds of the night fill his ears, making room for his slightly blurry vision to adjust to the street lamp peeking out from the curtains. his breath smelt of liquor, the cheap stuff that kept his mind off his life and away from his toddler, his lip curling in the thought of tasting another one of those beers..., if he had another beer. a whiskey, vodka, sake, tequila- well, maybe not that one. a gruff and hoarse scoff left his lips, fingers tightening on the creaking cabinet door, careful not to wake up his son, the boy had been moodier here recently, having just had a mother's day dance at his school. Of course, Megumi Fushiguro had no mother to dance with or brush his hair out of his eyes for pictures. He didn't have a dad that went in place of the mother either; that's how Toji ended up with a brooding, pouted lip photo of his son hanging on the fridge.

"that boy needs a mother!", the woman at the corner store had told him over and over, seeing the boy overburden his arms with junk food and chubby cheeks. "don't you ever feed him?", the woman pried, her fingers pointing at the green eyed boy who jut out his bottom lip in return. "maybe if you could mind your own business, hag, gonna make my son cry at it too? none of your fucking business about his mother or his eating habits-", toji felt like a vein was going to pop out of his skull, his eye twitching at the memory, Its nobody's fucking business about his life. maybe he wasn't the world best father to the mutt of a child- maybe he had let the kid miss a meal or two by accident. he worked a lot and it took a lot of his time to hunt down whatever target Shiu offered.

"toji?', she looked so much like a child, her fingers digging into her sleepy eyes, rubbing away the film that left her vision of him slighty blurred. "i didnt realize you were home.", her steps were so silent, he hadn't heard them behind him as he turned, seeing the younger girl he'd hired to watch megumi... for less than what she deserved oay. megumi was a child that needed extra care, extra love, something toji couldn't give him, but the college girl next door could. her laptop opened on his coffee table; a blanket messily tossed over the arm rest. "i saw you leave and i figured megumi was sleeping so i came to watch him....", her cheeks lit up, damn, he forgot how shy she was. "'s alright. brat's fed and asleep... didnt have to come over here.", he shrugged. Shoulders rolling out an ache he'd had ever since he got in that brawl with some hot shot sorcerer. her eyes flickered up at him, hearing his voice, it was gruff, but not too deep, he sounded much different than how he looked. "i guess, i should head out now, Gumi had a nightmare while you were gone, i got him back.', her soft tone had toji feeling his head foggier than it already was. she had been a lot of help for the past few weeks, but something didn't go unnoticed by the older man.

"next time ask me before coming over here, brat would've been fine on his own. starting to make me think you're just a nosey bitch", his cruel words didn’t always get under her skin, but when they did it hurt like knives licking up her sides, the same ones she tried to savor his affection from. Sure, he was older… much older than her, but he had his charming sides; like when he would actually show up on time to see Megumi before he went to sleep, or when he’d being back a half-eaten, cold pizza for the kid after a night full of betting… or maybe he didn’t have any redeeming qualities after his first wife passed. Maybe, she just scraped up what she could and held it in her hands, watching it slip past her fingers as she clutched the remainders to her chest. Hoping and praying they’d push past her scarred ribs and plummet into her heart and keep her spirit alive.

WIP tumbler keeps messing me up!

[rosepetalcigarettes]

note to past acquaintances/friends

(writing this knowing no one included would ever know)

since about highschool or so ive had alot of people in my life, friends, classmates, ect that ive had some sort of problem with at one point or so, either from them to me or from me to them, ive burned alot of bridges with people when i had been most vulnerable. so i am forgiving past bullies and all that aswell as apologizing to them and others. ive moved on alot in my life and am doing amazing now with minor hiccups, ive grown enough where i feel i should address lingering tensions with people ive known (either people i still may see/end up talking to or people ive not seen in years and will never see again) i would like to say that anyone i really remember being negative to me or anything ive forgiven at this point and i really cant blame anyone? at the time i didnt understand being bullied but i hope those people are doing great in life now, few mentions, in my alternative highschool there was a kid that would stab me with pens,ect and throw text books at me or dump stuff on me for being trans and sticking up for a gay friend he was being homophobic to, i realized he must of had other problems which he needed help with and probably didnt receive, i did try to be nice alot back then but he still would be mean probably since its hard to reciprocate that and probably felt he couldnt be vulnerable or it was a bad thing, hope you are doing good dude also ill never get over that you could tell i was trans before i admitted it finally, best luck!!. there was a few others i cant really remember as much from that year i hope yall are good too. moving on to when i went back to public school before covid there was a few people i remember aswell but during covid at the start when i came out my friend group kinda freaked a bit and started avoiding me and saying weird stuff including a childhood friend, ive got no idea what they have been up to as ive not seen them even online since then, the others i see around sometimes one i see alot irl but ive walked past him and he has no idea its me at this point but he also didnt really say anything and was more of a bystander, but i wish you all good luck too, the last one i know you were going to school aswell as doing music stuff (also played drums on a handful of my songs) i hope thats good and i see you still have the car you loved driving around. past that friend group were a handful of people i met through my girlfriends circles, there were a handful of people that were just fake and transphobic but ive not seen any of them in ages too or even online but i forgive yall aswell an i know one of you actually came out as trans too after we had been hanging out a few times, i hope you are doing good dude, last friend group that fell out ive not seen since, there was someone who we had fallen out with mostly by me and i had smashed one of their guitars they gave me/ let me borrow, ive not seen you in a bit but i hope you are alright ive heard its been tough according to people that had known you and you didnt deserve any of that, if i ever have money or make it big lol ill buy you a new tele either like what you had or something if we ever talk again, also the post that got you kicked from school as a threat, we never reported you i knew it was just one of those edgy jokes and i tired to tell others we knew at the time but i know others reported it, youve said some weird stuff to be edgy and done some very questionable things but atleast i hope you are doing good anyways i cant be mad anymore its been like two years and i shouldnt hold a grudge personally but i can still have opinions about other things youve done to others, it just doesnt feel right to "hate" you over that anymore. a girl we were friends with after had made not the best comments and got upset when we had tried to say it made us uncomfortable as friends since it was negative and included us indirectly, im not mad at you and when that happened we weren't mad or anything and were just trying to help thinking you would understand and not take it personally at all,

[lesboylycan]

rpp (schizotaxic) was my favorite blogger and i remember back when they were running people repost their posts w/o permission and also spread misinfo or false attributions, even now in the schizoid schizotypal tags u see ppl who uses the "schizotaxic" label constantly attributes it to paul meehl w/o ever mentioning rpp themselves (paul meehl did coined the original word but the updated definition that includes the four specific disorders and the explanations of the mechanisms r from rpp specifically, and its the ones rpp wrote that ppl r spreading on tumblr. paul meehls og definition only defined schizotaxia as the now disproven concept of a "gene" that causes schizophrenia and not all the stuff em wrote for their own model)

i remember when rpp corrected ppl for issues like that 2 prevent the spread of misinfo ppl would reply sarcastically 2 them and there was also problems of harassment and stalking w/ them w/ ppl shaming them 4 being weird and paranoid..... on the weird and paranoid disease blog ofc

2 this day it looks like some ppl who still post w/ the "schizotaxic" label refuse to acknowledge rpp at all and i suspect its either because ppl want 2 look like "real researchers" by attributing a famous psychologist like meehl (while posting content obviously regurgitated from ems writings) or bcuz rpps public breakdowns shoot their reputation in the foot and now nobody wants to be associated w/ the schizo who makes the other schizos look bad

considering rpp became so hard 2 talk 2 was worsened by ppl harassing them and the fact they didnt have any friends makes the way theyre still treated now so ironic and rly left a bad taste in my mouth in the schizoid schizotypal community of tumblr tbh, even when they shortly returned and asked ppl 2 stop reposting their writings so they could update old info nobody ever respected their wishes

anyway i dont mean 2 say this 2 sound traumadumping its just nobody ever talked abt what actually happened online and bcuz em never had any friends nobody ever rly defended them or explained the situation so im just happy 2 see at least 1 person who can actually acknowledge the work they put into the community. we werent close in a personal way and they were always standoffish but i respected their work and they were always attentive to my questions

they were always so nice and compassionate that ik a reason why ppl never realized they were being harassed was bcuz they never wanted to publicize the drama they were receiving and i think only a few people who kept track of their personal blog before their suicide even noticed, w/ the majority of those acquiantances apparently ghosting them shortly b4 bcuz they were rly disorganized and incoherent b4 they nuked everything and was just hard 2 talk 2 consistently

its honestly been a sour point 4 me 4 a few years now that absolutely nobody ever even wants to say their name while regurgitating the things they wrote and pretending they came up w/ it themselves, especially as an old follower of rpp who saw some of these bloggers snarking them to their face back in the day. ik rpp avoiding escalating drama is a reason why alot of ppl especially newcomers who read uncredited rewrites of their posts but never saw the original @schizotaxicblog r unfamiliar w/ what happened 2 them and i respect how they chose 2 avoid picking fights w/ others as much as possible but 2 this day it still upsets me deeply that somebody who helped me 2 the point where i would say they changed my life is left 2 just be remembered as a paranoid depressing weirdo while other ppl take credit for their insights. ik since nobody else will or may even be able 2, i just wanted 2 at least put an explanation of what went down w/ them out there 2 somebody who i think would at lrast care. it means alot 2 me 2 see even 1 person whos able 2 say a single nice thing abt them, so thank u.

Ah, thank you for the explanation! That definitely puts some things into perspective, yeah. It's awful how people treated them.

Their work was extremely influential for us in figuring out what was going on and in finding the words to describe what was happening in our brain; I think if we hadn't found them, we'd still be years behind where we are now. They deserved so much better. We'd go back every now and again to find old things they'd talked about especially while discovering our own shit, and their writings were invaluable, especially as someone who tends to struggle with parsing writing in general, and especially the jargon most commonly used in research. It sucks that they aren't recognized for the good they did and that their contributions are shared, but their name is brushed to the side in the process.

Thank you for sending!

[cowedeakamatsu]

Ahem Ahem. Welcome everyone to yet another cowede peptalk about themselves cos... lets face it i have an issue. (part final)

Now another (shorter digression) ? I have an alter ego for when im in cowede is the fucking best mood. an alter ego that ironically was inspired (and adapted to my vision) of some stuff X did. that alter ego is catichi. catichi is factually a brat, they are so adorable the universe will bend to his will and nobody could ever told him no, so pervy that he will fuck at lightspeed while making the lewdest sounds and faces ever known to man said universe while they bent. he knows it, and he LOVES it. and through him i'm loving it too. basically if i play catichi ? i'm having a total blast, buuuut i'm also probably going to stress overthinking and worry i make it a bad experience for my partner because of what X had on me. so i decide "fuck it, you know what ? this statue quo sucks, ima let out the catichi" coincidently at that time pen decided after realizing that yes, novelai cost money, thers other solution but they even require a veeeery good pc and time to learn how to do it, or have veeeery... subpar quality (or that one thing that @makoto-naegi-stud-and-friends found that i cant quite remember, i'll let you tell them you stud) so they decided to create @filthypen ! and their blog ? pretty damn great! super lewd, stll have stuff to learn but its a fun read and cool funny kinks, we also started rping and while we dont get eye to eye on writing style yet because of a core difference in our writing style, the rp is fun! + it feels like i can teach someone some stuff i learned in my relatively long career of shit smutt writing. so i decided to adopt the catichi persona with them, cos it makes me feel good. aaaand thinking that this status quo suck, i decided to also take that persona with X. trying to share positivity. result ? constant super cold response from X i try to engage in some stuff, give them stuff to say but they dont, which being in my boots is reading like "i dont care that youre having fun, stop doing that, and get back to being the one who does tremendous effort". Since they are overobssesed with cucking, probably because theyre either secretely a boy with a micro penis who needs to be validated as an alpha, or because they suck at anything socialy and wants to be glorified (which i both get and dont judge, to be clear) I decide "hey, lets do a funny thing where i act even more like a brat because catichi mode, and I say that i'm so much better (in a lewd catichi way (if u know u know)) that i'll probably make X get cucked when their thing is cucking people". and they took it bad, like emotionally bad. and at this point ? i was fucking done, I finnaly let out my frustrations in a huge message (not as huge as all those, like... 2000 characters ? around that, it all fit into 1 discord message) and i tell them i wont block them (because they already used 4 times before the "please dont leave me i have fear of abandonement" WHICH SPOILER BITCH, EVERYONE HAS) but that i'll come back when theyre an actual good person that does effort and STFU. it was followed by them writing a total of 48 messages of pure insults (some in russian) and denial that any of this was their fault because "they have dimentia" and how im a stuck up bitch that does no effort because I DARE ask them to do long response, they also go in a sideline about paranoid unrelated stuff like being watched constantly as an excuse for leaving half ass answer all the time and to be fair i just quick read through and didnt care. they also came to my dms and had a mental breakdown before finnally blocking me. And man it feels GOOD. i have just One message to say : if you have really dimentia X ? I am sorry... except i am not, wanna know why ? because youre nothing but a BITCH. a whinny, INCAPABLE, STUCK UP BITCH, that Cant do shit on their own, Will die alone, miserable in paranoia, and will have deserve every single fucking moment. You are not a good person. You are nothing, unimportant, and if what you show is what you are ? nobody will miss you. ever.