#and it can point out stuff i didnt realize before either

[ganondoodle]

you know i think i had gotten kinda lucky finding so many great to ok totk reviews bc i went to search yesterday (my god is youtube shit at searches now man, i want to see stuff for what i searched for not 20 things other people watched) but there truly is some utter shit there

i went through some that boiled down to angry gamer mad about game (kinda glad really bc seeing someone that actually is like that it makes me feel less like im doing the same xD) one of which saying the only reason the building is in there is bc they were trying to copy ... FORTNITE??? and another ones big point was that .. the graphics and animations are the same which ... just sounds like one of those pokémon people angry that a new game doesnt redo every single model and animation for 400 NPCs

(also one with a one step away from porn thumbnail that later i saw someone else talk about and apparently og video was about zelda being ..... too ... woke ... actually made me a little curious bc what the fuck could possibly be woke in totk?? sonia having slightly darker skin????? but theres no way im giving someone like that views lol)

and a huge portion is videos making fun of bad reviews for totk ...... which i dont think i need to explain why thats not worth anyones time lol

i find it sad how hard it is to find more diverse kind of people making totk reviews since id love to hear someone that may understand and know more than i do talk about it, new perspective and all that (also since most reviews i found good are really taking everything at face value with no one really looking at how the whole hyrule kingdom vs evil desert man is kinda ... not cool) but then again i know how youtube can be and how extreme some hardcore totk defenders are so i probably wouldnt want to get into all that either :U

[joshuamj]

can college just like, pause for a moment. I wanna catch up on linktober :(

[ivysprophecy]

please please please

word count; 1644

summary; turning off your phone and shutting out the world isnt the best way to handle your problems but its what you do. and jjs had enough of it.

warnings; i dont think there is any? mentions of anxiety attacks? tagging @murdockcastleslut @kimoralov3 @arkofblake

masterlist

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divider by @bernardsbendystraws

"well hey there stranger"

i turn from my book to look behind me, seeing the boy id been actively avoiding for the past two days. carrying his surf board.

i shouldve remembered he'd come here to surf. i just wouldn't have guessed this early in the morning.

"hey jayj."

"oh thats all i get? 'hey'? no 'i miss you so much'?" he sets his board in the sand taking a seat next to me on my blanket.

guess im not finishing my book today. "oh my god jj! youre here! ive been dyingggg to talk to you! i cant believe youre really in here in the flesh! there. better?"

"oh dont be like that- cmon mama whatd i do?" i feel bad with the genuine concern on his face.

okay was ghosting him out of nowhere awful of me? probably. i just didnt know what else to do.

after that night at the bonfire i realized that with my feelings for him growing it wasnt a good idea for us to continue our casual... something. it played with both our emotions. it isnt fair to either of us.

especially after his 'i love you'. that really did it in for me.

"you didnt do anything jj. trust. i just... ive been in a funk. needed some me time thats all."

"well... do you still need your 'me time'?" he looked so hopeful. how could i say yes? where jj maybank is concerned ill easily fold every time. "cause you havent answered my texts so i couldn't ask you to surf with me this morning."

"... i dont have my board. but i suppose i can hang out with you for a little while."

"im honored," he smiles laying back on his elbows, "but really. are you good? i like to think i know you pretty well and this whole MIA thing was not normal."

turning to face him more, i sigh, what the fuck am i supposed to say? 'yea im just so in love with you i cant be around you' yea that would go over really well.

"i dont know. just gotta lot of stuff goin on. you dont have to worry though. im good."

"well do ya wanna talk about it?"

"trust me jay you dont wanna hear about my problems. theyre trivial at best."

"what are friends for if not for listening?" he nudges me with his shoulder urging me to talk. i really dont think i can do this. i was not prepared.

"youre not a very good listener," i point out, to which he immediately takes faux offense. jaw dropped and everything.

"oh thats just not true! i can listen!"

i run a hand through my tangled hair in frustration. this cannot be how i tell him. it just cant. i came here to get away from thinking about this and now hes right here in front of me acting so unserious while im spiraling.

"jj i really appreciate how eager you are to help me but its really not necessary. i didnt really prepare myself and its just too much-"

"prepare yourself? mama what the fuck are you talking about? does this have to do with that night after the bonfire? i mean obviously it does who am i kidding you havent talked to me since then. did i do something wrong? was- was it bad?" he leans in closer, lowering his voice thats laced with worry and guilt.

oh my god that is the absolute last thing i expected him to say. shit i really fucked this up. and honestly just not true.

"what? no! no jj you didnt do anything wrong and it was perfect. promise," i try to reassure him but i know deep down hes gonna over think this whole thing if i dont tell him straight up

i may love him but i never said he was the brightest in the bunch.

"okay so whats the problem?"

"the problem is that it was perfect," i cant help but let out a sigh before hiding my face in my hands as the words leave my mouth.

god my heart is racing, im not ready for this conversation. maybe if i pass out i wont have to. yea if he has to call an ambulance then we can avoid this all together. but an ambulance is also like five grand so...

shit.

"... youre mad at me because you had a good time?" his face contorted in a weird fixture of confusion.

"no! no- god youre so dense sometimes!"

"mama i dont have a fucking clue what youre saying! how does that make me stupid??"

i hide my face in my hands again trying to compose myself because what the fuck kind of confession is this?

"jj im avoiding you because ive been developing feelings for you and i cannot in good conscience keep being so casual with you and sleeping with you knowing this and i know that you do not want anything serious so i figured id just make it easier for the both of us and just take myself out of the situation entirely so that nothing bad happens and i cannot stop fucking talking so please for the love of god say something or do something because i feel like my heart is about to beat out of my chest and-"

oh my god im getting my book moment. he just kissed me to make me stop talking!!! oh my god hes kissing me.

is this where i kiss him back?

of course i kiss him back!! what the fuck!!? and oh my lord does it feel nice, so so so nice.

the way his tongue presses against mine, the way he cups my jaw and pulls me close to him. it was slow and confident and loving and everything he knows i like. his hands find my hips like muscle memory, pulling our bodies together, eventually having me on his lap. where he takes my hands and places them on his chest so i can feel his chest rise and fall with deep breaths.

“… mama you need to learn to breathe.”

“that’s not funny right now jj. im actively having an anxiety attack, horrible thing to say really."

"what're you so anxious about? i think we're havin' a pretty calm conversation, dont you?"

"i mean yea- but thats not-" he interrupts me while shaking his head with a shrug.

"listen, i get why youre a little nervous to say that, all things considered. but i thought it was pretty obvious i was into you, i just didnt wanna push you because you made your boundaries clear so i just took what i could get."

my eyes bug out of my head in shock. am i the dense one? i mean yea hes a really good kisser and i can feel he cares deeply about me when we do stuff and makes me feel safe and supported but that doesnt mean-

yea im stupid. he all but outright said it. actually he has. thats what started this panic.

"... okay yea- maybe. but you agreed they were a good idea so i figured that meant you wanted them there too. and i dont know- it just kind of got overwhelming and i didnt wanna be one of those girls who expects something huge after sex so... you know what i mean? and truthfully youre not what i expected for me."

"what does that mean?" his face showed a little offense.

"i just mean- ya know. for one i didnt expect to love my best friend. and then on top of that i didnt think id love a guy who was a treasure hunting, or- adrenaline junkie i should say."

he leans back putting some space between us, "is that supposed to be a bad thing?

"no! no jay im not saying this right- i-... youre a fighter and youre adventurous- a lot of things im not. if that makes sense. all im sayin is a few years ago i wouldnt have expected to be here. but i like it here. love it here even," i smile at him teasingly trying to ease his worries. the last thing i need is to say the wrong thing right now.

"so what youre saying is that you love me?"

"youre such an idiot."

'but do ya? because i think you do mama."

i roll my eyes chuckling, "yea. yea i do maybank," i press a small kiss to his cheek leaning back into him.

"does this mean youll let me make you a maybank mama?" his eyebrow was quirked up as he teases his question.

"lets not get ahead of ourselves. how about we take this slow?"

he looks down at my button up shirt i was wearing over my bikini to shield me from the ocean breeze, and i could tell he was debating taking it off of me. giving me that same look he always does.

"slow? mama i dont think we're gonna be too good at that."

"all 'm sayin is we dont have to jump the gun, we both admitted it, doesnt mean we gotta change the way we act or announce it or nothing. we can just enjoy this ourselves ya know?"

"you embarrassed of me mama?"

"not at all baby, just want you all to myself. is that too much to ask for?"

he shakes his head leaning up against me, our faces inches apart, "nah i dont think so. i like the sound of that."

i meet him the rest of the way pressing his lips to mine, smiling into it. pulling him as close as humanly possible. i need him under mind skin, in my blood, you know?

"i do too, so we agree? we'll keep this between us for now?"

"whatever you want mama. yes maam."

[cheesymellow]

EP 8 IS NEAR.. SO UHM HERES MY POORLY EXPLAINED PREDICTIONS & THEORIES!!

(Disclaimer: Forgive me if i make no sense i cant explain 💩).

Okay uh starting with the lastest teaser as of posting this: (i love the animation oh ma goodness)

Shadow milk here seems to be sad, maybe even pitiful. Staring at truthless.. Seeing himself in him before immediently smiling back to his usual silly self. which is out of character for him (at least for me). Also a quick second him having pv’s eyes which makes me feel like theres a reason shadow milk went through all this trouble to make pv exactly like him.

He wants someone who feels exactly how he feels. All his trauma and pain. Someone that understands him. And pure vanilla was the best canidate to do so. The pain/trauma of his corruption or smth

How did he corrupt? Well heres what i thinkkk

Going all the way back to the prolouge of crk. We know Pv used dark moon magic in order to seal dark enchantress. Successfully, but with a cost—His memories

But he slowly got his memories back ONCE DE was released. Basically, using Dark moon magic comes with a cost depending on what you do and if the spell deactivates or breaks, you get a refund!!! thats the best i could explain it

(as for white lily, i actually dont remember but i think she used it when freeing dark enchantress. then the price she paid was merging with dark enchantress?..)

NOWWW moving on to smilk.. We know he lives in the dark side of the moon where the magic is held/resides?? (uh i think). So i think its possible for him to be the creator ORR the first one to wield/sacrifice something for it

I rlly love the theory where smilk possibly corrupted last by all his friends. So id like to imagine its either that He thought learning dark moon magic was the only way to save his friends (the beasts). OR was obessed with finding more knowledge to share with cookies or smth. But in return for full control of dark moon magic, He sacrificed his sanity, the more he used it, the more insane he got and then he started the question stuff like.. “What is the purpose of this?”, “Whats the point of guiding them all?”, etc etc like that.. basically questioning his own existence! Then eventually snapped realizing his whole LIFE is a lie, Being chosen by the witches and thinking he chosen his life but in reality he didnt at all is what makes him crack. Then since his life is a lie why even bother sharing knowledge now? so he starts lying because its FUN!

now moving on to PV.. He was questioning his own existence and life choices.. becoming truthless recluse after realizing theres no point in sharing the truth because the “truth” shattered him, making him believe his whole life is a lie aswell. so sharing lies would be better right?? execpt its not for fun or smth. Not the same but PRETTY SIMILARR.. basically like smilk is just projecting his thingy to pv so someone can finally understand him

and pv surely will. NOW BRINGING UP ONE OF MY PREVIOUS POSTS

Truthless has key, Pre-corruption smilk has keyhole

you get where im going with this??? Pv will be the one to understand and help smilk and maybe even break the dark moon price. But first he will either relive shadow milk’s memories. Or his own memories and realize the truth.

Anyways moving to how pure vanilla would awaken..

Before in an old post (link at the end) ive had this theory before that pure vanilla was split into TWO when changing into truthless, Those split halfs being:

Pv A: The pv we all know and love :D

Pv B: The self doubt, hatred and etc

I believe the way for him to Awaken is the first understand shadow milk, Then accept the cruel truth by facing his self doubt and hatred (truthless) and merging with the other him (pure vanilla) becoming the real him (the holder of true truth or something i dont know what he would be called) (I cant explain this well im so sorry)

and also. there is a small chance a SHADOW MILK REDEMPTION MIGHT HAPPEN but i have my doubts

Okay first the very small proof that i think it WILL happen

OH MAH GOSH MY EYES HES THE BLINDING TRUTH-

“If i could win, you will too” THIS CONFUSED ME AT FIRST UNTIL I REALIZED “WAIT.. IS HE TALKING TO SMILK?” WE KNOW HOW KIND PV IS SO HE’D DEFINETLEY TRY TO REDEEM HIM AFTER UNDERSTANDING WHY SHADOW MILK DID THOSE THINGS TO HIM RIGHT???

But on the other hand im not sure if smilk has any purity left in him 🤔

Mainly bcuz we know remaining purest parts of the beast’s souljam were taken to create the Ancient’s souljam, Leaving the beasts with no purity left right??

BUTTT as i said earlier, Remember dark moon magic and i said it could possibily be refunded?? Pure vanilla COULDD probably be able to reverse the price shadow milk’s paid? if he does then they’d be besties for sur-

“ hey heyy wait.. WHAT ABT THE BEAST SEALING RITUAL!?!?!.. THE REASON THEY ALL CAME IN THE FIRST PLACE?!?”

ah i believe its a lie. Again from an old post, i have someeee proof that its fake based on capple’s and smilks interaction

WE KNOW THAT PV AND OTHERS IMMEDIENTLY WENT TO THE SPIRE SHORTLY AFTER BEAST YEAST EP 2. SO THE ONLY POSSIBLE WAY THEY COULDVE GOTTEN INFO ABT THE “BEAST SEALING RITUAL” IS FROM THE LIBRARY. WHICH IS MOST LIKELY THE LIE CAPPLE PUT TO TRICK THEM ALLLL-

thats all my brain has for noww! theres probably better explanations out there but, reblogs r appreciated!

Link to my split pv theory w/other theories innit

[head---ache]

hi im gonna drop brass' lore on you bc i didnt realize i never did

Just for context, Brass and Emmie are the same age, with Brass being born a couple of months after. So, while Emmie was cooking in the tube, Starline, who we're gonna say is alive, steals Tails' Tube Baby Project™ files, and tries to copy it, because he believes this is an attempt to make a bio-weapon at the same level of Project Shadow, and he wants to be ready for that, and besides, this seems like an improvement from Surge and Kit to him.

So he gets on with it, and he of course has Surge's DNA, but he doesn't want to combine it with Kit's because he can't imagine the result of that mix would be of any use. At some point he gets his hands on one of Amy's quills, probably by being a creepy stalker to all of the main cast, and decides to mix it with Surge's DNA in order to continue with his Anti-Tube Baby Project™, however, he then realizes Tails is actually attempting to take down the power levels and make his project more stable, which is not at all what Starline is looking for. And also, most of the power Tails' baby project would have comes from both from the Chaos Energy Sonic and Shadow have, and the Black Arms DNA passed down from Black Doom, which are things Starline simply can't get his hands to: Chaos Energy? Maybe, but not nearly enough, and it would probably be fake, highly unstable energy. And Black Arms DNA? Simply impossible.

So he just gives up. Tails isn't even making a weapon out of his project, so Starline doesn't even need his own anymore. So he abandons the hedgehog baby he made, inside the tube, and forgets about them for months.

One day Surge and Kit break into Starline's base, looking to steal some stuff from him, mostly Surge's idea just to annoy the guy. They eventually come across the big tube holding the small green hedgehog, still in the tube, however, pretty ready to go. And Surge just acts out of instinct, she doesn't even stop to think for a second before taking the baby with her and running as Kit follows her and keeps trying to ask her what she's doing. The thing is, she doesn't even know, but leaving this baby behind was not an option.

And when they got home it finally dawned on her, that now they had a baby at home and she didn't know what to do with it.

"So, uhm- Are you gonna raise it?" Kit asked, and Surge suddenly snapped as if nothing had happened. She stood up and walked away from the baby, crossing her arms behind her head and turning away.

Chaos, no. She was already a terrible mother to Mareep, she couldn't do that to another child.

"Nah! You can keep it if you want, tho." She shrugged.

Kit moaned, wavering.

And so Brass grew up with Surge and Kit, but they wouldn't call either of them their parents, although Kit would maybe be closer to that, as Surge seemed to be trying very hard to not be a parental figure to another kid.

On the other hand, Brass' relationship with Amy is fine, they can talk, Amy does try to be part of their life, but Brass is very indifferent to the idea. I'll share a little dialogue I have in mind because to be honest I don't really have much context for it, but it explains Brass and Amy's relationship kinda well.

"Listen, Amy, you're nice, and all, but you're not my mom."

"But I could be, Brass. I want to be, if you let me."

"I just- I don't think I want that, yeah? You can just pay attention to your actual children, I'm fine."

And also about Brass relationship with Mareep, it's also fine. They get along, they're just not super close. But they also have a mutual understanding, and Brass might be a little jealous since Mareep at least has Lanolin. And Mareep is a little jealous because Brass doesn't seem to be doing too bad even after being raised by Surge, while on her end Surge was kind of the root of all of her problems. But they get along fine.

Basically Brass wasn't super close to anyone (but acting as if it was fine), until she met a certain hedgehog-alien girl and her AI girlfriend TEHEHEHE (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)

[anantaru]

You think rape is funny? Maybe once you fucking experience it you won’t. Fucking cunt.

hello. so I'll just jump right into this. tw. discourse tw. mentioning r*pe.

@saetoru made this claim about me:

saetoru, could you add proof at least? i can not remember a time where i would repost a joke like that so i'd love for you to show me proof please, this is all I'm asking.

also how was it on your dash, on your own dash and @dottores dash, when you have never followed me? + but maybe it was the for you feature that was the same for the both of you.

accusing someone without proof is not okay, again, i can not remember doing this so if you have a screenshot add it so i can remember and apologize, but i can't do anything because i don't remember saying a joke with SA in mind.

before that i just want to mention: i don't think r*pe is funny, i'm not a dark content blog either so i do not really reblog dark content things because i'm sure most of my readers don't want that + I'm just not into that as well. the only joke i was "called out" for once is when i used a "i want xyz character to smack their laptop on my face or tits" which i got from an andrew garfield interview where he read his thirst tweets out loud, at that time i just deleted it because it's alright.

dottores, your mutuals, two of them to be exact, have sent me multiple of your personal blog hate posts about me and not once, have you made one where you talked about me saying an SA joke. you have only claimed that i am a cunt and that i am a gatekeeping bitch hence why i believed this must be the reason why you would suddenly hate me despite the fact we never interacted.

now, I want to address this next, this is from @dottores post which when i got it sent to me, i would've wished she just tagged me right away and said it with her chest, more so not let saetoru talk about her experience but just handle this with me.

^ this is cat @dottores saying i got it wrong.

^ this is why i believed she meant it just like i said it, why do you go through blogs that grow really fast's notes in the first place? where do you take the right to police other blogs like that when i'm sure your blogs aren't empty of blank blogs either. it is hard to get rid of all of them but i'm sure we all try at least, we don't need you to make us feel bad or come off as belittling, if you have found out a way to get rid of every blank blog, do enlighten us please.

+ at that time of this reblog icks?? post that saetoru added, my blog was blowing up so when a moot of mine (which was also theirs at a time) saw this, they had sent it to me.

"creators that grow really fast" and nowhere has she mentioned she only went through only her own moots notes, aside from that apologies but i still find this weird, i don't think you should invest so much time in other people's blog but this is my opinion.

this is the next thing she said:

i don't know if dottores meant me there but i have never once harassed you nor sent you hate anywhere, again you cannot just accuse me of stuff like that when you have also never reached out to me. The things i claimed about you guys in your callout, i have text messages of the person (your moot) who sent it to me.

but back again, the only thing i did do was block dottores on tumblr and then later ao3 when i saw you in tags, which you made fun of me for later:

also i got this ask that time:

"who blocks on ao3?" i do, ao3 is the platform i use the most so why is it funny when i use the block button? + i just like to point something out here, "they must've clicked to read and realize it was me" you can think that if you want i don't mind, but let me ask you this: i have seen you in tags hence why i was able to block you, but how did you notice i did? you can't see me in tags so surely you didnt click on my work, so you must've searched up my user for whatever reason?

and i know this is about me because she added the "this person called me chronically online" i couldn't find the post but what she was talking about is me calling other writers who reblogged that one "ick post" with not needed things such as "when writers cant characterize a character" or "when they only write headcanons", i have plenty of screenshots of that post but since i don't want to use up all my space here, i don't see why i should show their reblogs from this.

there were plenty of people like that, which reblogged horrible things there so i called everyone under that post chronically online, not just you dottores.

yeah :) like people making fun of someone for blocking them for their own comfort. i just don't want to see you, that's all, but i have never send you hate asks nor harassed you, the only thing i did was block the blogs your own mutuals exposed to me.

next:

^ this is after i felt bad for you after the callout.

this is coming from your own mutuals, i have never alone claimed you guys are jealous of me nor is there anything to be jealous about. i am just a blog, this here is not being popular, no one knows who i am and i do not need to pride myself in having a big blog on tumblr.com, and my readers know that. we are all the same here.

next:

i didn't mean you here saetoru but i understand that it sounded that way, the phrasing was a little off, for that i apologise that i made you upset with this, english is not my first language, i'm french, and when it comes to this callout post i was so fed up with it that i just posted it without looking for grammar mistakes etc. + this is about one of your friends who deleted their personal the second i announced i got their user, that was something with kaeya, when they sent me a hate ask. i won't expose it here but that person was also the one who blacklisted a friend of mine for liking itto.

i think there is a lot more but i will stop it there, this could've ended differently and i'm sad that it ended this way. I wish you all the best and i mean it, i hope we all can learn from this and move on, write on tumblr for our favorite characters because it's fun and stay away from drama. If you made it this far thank you 💓 — yoru

[baalzebufo]

HIII. can i just say. absolutely ADORE your gravity falls stuff!! i'd love to hear more of your headcanons (especially abt gideon) (that's my SON)

yes yeeees i was part of the Original Wave of Gideon Enjoyers back when like, episode 4 aired and it was about ten blogs who didnt hate his guts. i mean, i still want to throw him out a window, but I also think he has really interesting character stuff going on that some people just didnt wanna look at bc they hated him! which like, fair, he's a villain, but that freaky little dude will always be one of MY faves, haha

this post got. very long im sorry I had to put a readmore here haha but I haven't had an excuse to infodump about this for ages so here's a couple Things I like Thinking About... also a doodle I did the other night to break up the wall of text below

ok ok to start i LOVE him so much as a foil to dipper (and to an extent ford too) as examples of what the journals/that kind of power and information can do to people. its why im so adamant that he does actually have albinism, even if its not Technically Canon. dipper and ford both have a like, 'physical oddity' about them (birthmark, sixth finger) i think it makes sense for gideons to be his albinism as something that set him apart. all three are 'weirdos', were ostracised to an extent by the world, had that longing for something special or important, and then found it. and its what they DO with that which sets them apart

especially as a foil to dipper like... from time to time in the show, he gets a bit gung-ho about abusing the journals power for his own gain. but he has friends and family to reign him back in. he has more of a moral compass about not wanting to hurt people, generally. dipper never became like gideon did

this is getting into headcanon territory here but, my general summary of gideons childhood is an isolated one. only child, fairly sheltered, had some medical complications early in life which led to a lot of time on his own in hospital, attended school briefly and was subjected to significant bullying. and without a real support network outside of his parents who were very doting to the point of spoiling him because hes their Little Miracle he wasnt exactly well-adjusted even as a kid

but basically, that kid ends up finding this journal and learns about spells and evil artifacts and suddenly he has the power to make people like him. not only that but Fear him. he goes from feeling powerless to an absolute ego-trip. and his only close relatives would never tell their little boy 'no' about something, so they're not disciplining him in any way. its a perfect storm for a disaster to happen

it stems from this childish desire to go 'look at me im important and special and everyone likes me' and hes become so embittered already by people being dicks that he doesnt care if he hurts people on the way

that only really changes when mabel shows up and is the first person in town to approach him from a like... normal level. shes nice to him but not in the overly-saccharine and doting way his fans are, just in the way a girl who wants to be friends is. she treats him normally and is nice and he thinks she's pretty and that ALSO becomes a perfect storm of 'well shes nice to me and i like her so i must be in love with her and she is with me!' and, of course. kid who has never heard the word No before. so the later rejection becomes a HUGE sticking point and grudge to the point of being flat-out murderous

later in life with a little Introspection i think he'd realize it was less love and more just. basically imprinting on the first person to be normal and kind at him in years

UM. I should wrap this up i have so much in my brain. gideon was one of my earliest roleplay muses i'd write and draw with my pals, so I subjected him to a LOT of personal characterization stuff and also making a thousand AUs for fun. (aus always come in two flavours either its 'im going to make you marginally more well-adjusted' or 'im going to make you so, SO much worse')

ive got a soft spot for con-men and fake psychics and generally shitty little weasels and gideon just stormed into the show being a jerk with an aesthetic i adore and i was like ahhh. i want to punt him. hes my favourite.

ok im going to shut up now. last minute headcanon. gideon got into wood carving in prison art therapy because using a knife to stab something in a non-murder way helps soothe his urges. he whittles little people figurines

✨

[capyphoenix]

Thoughts:

- fia didnt know k was coming to the gala nor was she supposed to come and was informed last minute so they added her seat right next to max because where else would she sit

- they broke up, she found out about the baby in brazil and got back together during Portugal summer vacay and thats when she told him because a) the wedding was before that (if my memory serves me right, she was in brazil alone, went back to Monaco and they left for Portugal after that) and she looked miserable during the wedding b) first pic of him holding her belly (insert pic of her holding his hand over it and a wine glass in her other hand at lunch) c) she kept going on and on about that vacation being the best and the happiest time ever

- he knew/knows he fucked up big time thats why he didnt tell his family right away (maybe he told them they broke up and didnt know how to explain why they got back together) and jos probably found out because max was acting too anxious or weird as if he's hiding something huge and thats how he knew, in the interview jos said that he knows max too well and felt it before he told him.

- the miracle baby stuff is bullshit mg is saying and making up since the baby was sent by a fate (🤮) to manipulate max to think that it's a sign they're meant to be or some narcissitic bullshit similar

- max wanted to have alone time with his mom and sister and explain everything (why he's informing them his gf is pregnant 6 months later to be more specific) and hoped he would fix their relationship but miss attention couldnt handle not being the center of attention and came unexpected and uninvited

- from the race day in qatar, I think vic and sophie realize and understand more than ever how much they're not in max's life anymore and won't be doing any effort moving forward+ I think Max also realizes how bad the situation is

- k was dying for people to know she's pregnant during the season but since max's family didnt know she couldnt do anything, in Qatar she rushed to go last minute since they now know, she came to the race, made sure the big gossip page posted about it so she can convince max to reveal it during the last week-end so she can have her moment of glory (i can imagine her saying sm like "omg people caught on we have to put it out there")

- max is pushing her to be more private (ever since the scandal with pov) and with the pregnancy thats why she's not posting as much as she did with p and she makes her friends post in advance so people will still talk about her and she posts later to act as if it's not her doing (yes im talking about the polaroids because how does someone post a nye story filled with "cute" couple pictures of her friend, like cmon be less obvious)

- i think he's on automode trying to figure out what to do with himself because bro looks lost, everything contradicts itself, the whole thing is a pr disaster and he knows he looks like a hypocrite

- prediction : she won't post the baby because thats "demure" and what celebs are doing aka hailey and gigi for example but I can see her either not being able to not do it or have her friends do it for her (and I think this might be the breaking point for Max in both scenarios)

YALL the situation is so messy and something is for sure going on behind the scenes. I'm trying to find a logical pov into the whole circus but it's HARD. I'll be back with more and i'd love to know what u guys think!

Yes yes yes

Except the not posting the baby part. Because no way in hell can that bitch resist.

[lynn-tged-posting]

tged webtoon ep 164 spoilers and thoughts that are totally not late what are you talking about this is on time for sure <- writing the day that 165 drops

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JAVIER WAS THE ACTUAL MVP OF THIS WHOLE EPISODE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA HAHAHAHAH GOD I LOVE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH

THAT SIGNATURE SLIGHT SMIRK, THE MENACE IN HIS EYES. YES!!! SAVE UR MAN FROM GRIEF!!! GO KNIGHT BOY GO!!!!!!!

oh how he's grown, oh how he's learned from lloyd,,, truly using all the skills hes seen and putting them to the test. ITS SO FUNNY HOW EFFECTIVE THIS IS HAHAHAHAA THE EXPRESSIONS ARE SO SO GOOD THEYRE SO UNHINGED I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

back to the top!

lloyd trying to bargain and figure out loopholes only to realize there really is no other way besides losing it all over again makes my heart ACHE. OOOWWW. OWWWWWWWW.

just. watching that shutdown happen is so so so cruel why would u do this to me. the way the artist shows the energy and life just leaving his eyes and then subsequently showing how. tired he is. makes me so so emotional

it fucking HURTS. and by god ive been there before - certainly not to this extent ofc, but ive also been in tough spots where all the work ive done for my engineering projects ends up being,,, pointless. it is VERY real, how demoralizing that feels and lloyds reaction to that, and i cant imagine the scale of how that despair increases when its related to the work you did to simply just live in peace. god. ow. ow ow ow ueueueuuee

like he just essentially got told that it didnt matter how hard he fought to live, to survive, it doesn't matter that he's "lloyd" now; kim suho is destined for an ill-fate. and considering we know him as someone who lives almost entirely for others? it's basically "hey, all this stuff u did for other people to make urself not a burden, became a burden. tough luck!" GOD THATS SO. GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHH

and he's trying so hard to think of himself as lloyd frontera still but like. whats the point? his association with lloyd frontera became the thing that doomed him

this panel in particular is INSANEE AAGHGHGHHGGG the colors washed out, how limp he looks, the blankness of the background like nothings there. this is where lloyd is right now, hope ripped from him, this reflects that really well. it HURTS.

is dissociated the right word for this? in despair? either way he's emotionally and mentally going THROUGH it, and essentially back to isolation considering how he ignores javier

i also wonder now if lloyd has already made a choice, to let javier live? we dont get to see more of his thoughts beyond this point, so its hard to say whether or not he's already made the decision of which protagonist lives,,, god im so worried for him. a part of me suspects that maybe he already chose javier to live,,, IM SO SCARED,,,,

speaking of javier,,, we see him talking to arcos and marbella!! and AGGGHHH AAAHHH MY HEART i really really think that javier was being completely genuine here. i think he really believes this. javier in general has a tendency to be incredibly genuine in the things he says (examples i cant think of off the top of my head but this episode has a lot of em LOL). he's asserted multiple times that he believes lloyd can save their estate, and its clear he means it every time. the faith javier has in lloyd is so so strong and it makes me so fucking EMOTIONALLL im getting ahead of myself a little bit sorry

but then the stare that arcos gives to javier,,, i think silent was the one who mentioned it but its as if arcos isnt sure if he should believe him, and if u take into account the last time they asked about lloyd's status,,, it's very much possible that he doesnt believe javier, but javier has so much faith in lloyd that he leaves them alone anyway. god,,, gghh,,, mmy heart,,,,

AND JAVIER ASKING LLOYD TO WAIT FOR HIM AND THAT HE'LL HELP LLOYD GET BACK TO HIS FEET GOD GHGHGH HE LOVES HIM SO FUCKING MUCH GOD FUCK GOD DAMMIT YOU!!! YOU!!!!

lloyd doesnt even respond but javier doesnt need to wait for a response bc he'll do whatever it takes now to protect this noble he's come to care for and love and gone on so many adventures with GOD DAMMIT GOD DAMMIT FUCK

and now we reach the second half of the episode and it made me giggle SO FUCKING HARD HAHAHAHAHAHAA

LIKE I SAW THIS PANEL AND MY JAW DROPPED PLEASE JAVIER ALDKJFLSKJDF

ppl were posting that apparently someone in ORV does this too and like thats so fucking funny . if i had a nickel for every time there was identity fraud in a manhwa id have two nickels

POOR RAPHAEL GETTING CAUGHT IN THE FIRE TOO HAHAHAHA HE LOOKS SO NERVOUS

some more panels of javier harnessing all that unhinged lloyd energy IT'S SO SO GOOD. it feels like javier's now a really really strong prosecutor i think he'd do a good job as a lawyer. THIS IS SO SO FUN

LIKE HE LOOKS SO MENACING GOD ITS SO FUNNY AHHAHAHAHA while making entirely good points he's so golden i love u sm javier. yes save ur man. outargue the FUCK out of these angels u clever little knight.

THE BITS WHERE ITS REVEALED HE'S TRULY GENUINE TOO ARE SOOOO FUCKING GOOD

ITS FUNNY ON TOP OF BEING SO REAL OF JAVIER

i talked about it above but like. when javier really truly believes something, when he really truly wants something, it's so fucking obvious. this boy does not lie or pretend about how he feels, point blank period. hell we've seen his behavior when he lies/is not telling the truth; his words are stiff and out of character, and his expression is either menacingly tight or stiffly robotic. he has so, so SO much faith and such a deep desire to save lloyd, and it shows in how he's genuinely fucking thankful that the angels agreed to (or well, were coaxed into agreeing) with what he asked for. i think it's a really interesting character trait and it completely tracks that javier was the protagonist of knight of blood and iron. genuine, emotional characters who love and lose, who have hope and can believe and can also experience despair, can make for an extremely compelling story. javier nails it right on the head

i also think that this character trait completely influenced the way javier used the tactics that lloyd uses. like yes, this is something that lloyd could do, but he also would never be able to pull it off because he doesnt have that same protagonist heart and honest-to-god (pun intended) genuineness that javier has. this inherent authenticity that javier seems to just naturally possess is what allowed him to make these statements and demands, because the sincerity he wears on his sleeve makes it all end up feeling reasonable. only javier could have done something like this, and no one else. i think thats REALLY fun!!!

that is all for this ep for now,,, i am SUPER excited to see where this'll go. hopefully we will hear from alicia abt the eye of summer!!! god javier u clever lil thing im so glad he was able to do this SAVE UR BOYF!!! AAAAHHHH

see y'all next week! aka tmrw! today? whenever 165 drops!

[anyasathenaeum]

Can i request vash & wolfwood his wife didnt know she pregnant, so reader do overwork until pass out in the end both of them know reader is pregnant, and the reaction his wife giving birth the twins i wanna see how absurd they face it 🥺🙏✨ thank you

And really love u writings anyway

A/N: WAIT THAT'S KINDA CUTE, headcanons coming up! Thanks for the request and thank you so much for reading my stuff! :D

Warnings: Mention of pregnancy, childbirth, blood, slight violence in Wolfwoods', reader is AFAB in this one

Vash the Stampede

Given that Vash is... Vash, there was no way either of you knew if you could even get pregnant in the first place.

Seriously - no known plant/human hybrids existed, so the two of you never really thought much of it. You both just kind of assumed hybrids couldn't exist because plants couldn't reproduce with humans

Well, how WRONG you both were

But of course, because neither of you knew it could happen, neither of you caught on when you eventually started feeling nauseous, throwing up at random points in the day and feeling gently under the weather

110% you and Vash both were like "aww dang a cold? That sucks" and Vash would cuddle you lots to try and make you feel better cause he just thought you were sick

You also didn't let this sudden "sickness" slow you down - you kept working hard, on the run with Vash and the others, moving constantly, sleeping under the glow of the worms in the warm sand, hauling your weight and then some as the group continued to travel across No Man's Land

However, what you hadn't anticipated was suddenly not being able to do as much as you used to be able to - suddenly the sun beating down on you was too much, the heat overwhelming, and before you knew it, you had collapsed

Vash and the others were definitely concerned, but the concern turned to confusion and disbelief when they accidentally got a look at your stomach when your shirt had ridden up as you sat up once you regained consciousness - your stomach was SWOLLEN.

Everybody was a bit freaked out, you very much included, until you started to put the pieces together - your "illness", your sudden inability to tolerate things as you had before, your stomach swelling

"Vash... I-I think I might be... pregnant?"

Honestly, I think Vash would be stunned at first but once he realizes that what you're saying makes sense (and after the confirmation of a doctor from one of the nearby towns you guys travelled through), he'd be DELIGHTED

Would be the type of husband/partner who would never let you carry anything heavy anymore, hovering over you protectively, always worrying and making sure you were comfortable and not endangering yourself or your baby

"You need to rest, (Y/N)! You're growing a whole new being, you and I have gotta make sure you're taking good care of yourself now!"

Would give you ankle/foot massages A LOT to help with discomfort

Vash would definitely spend a lot of time talking to your tummy as it grows bigger, pressing soft kisses to your stomach and caressing it gently

Vash would be excited but TERRIFIED simultaneously to be a dad - so much sadness, death and regret followed him everywhere he went, and he was terrified to bring you into it, let alone an innocent child

You would have to comfort him and reiterate that you were in it together and that you think he'd be a wonderful dad

Also, because Vash is a plant and they age rapidly compared to humans, the pregnancy would be faster than a traditional human pregnancy

Vash has seen births before, especially given how long he's been around, so that part of it all doesn't make him nervous. The fact that now, it's HIS child, THAT makes him nervous

Would absolutely cry during the birth of your twins, partially out of fear, partially out of joy, and also partially because you'd gripped his hand so hard that you'd likely broken several of his fingers (oops)

Borderline passed out when they told him there were TWO babies - he wasn't expecting that at all

IDK why but I can see him being a dad to either twin boys (like him and Nai), or 1 girl, 1 boy.

It doesn't matter though, cause Vash would love your babies from the moment they let out their first cry, the reality hitting him - he's a father now.

Would give anything to protect you and his children - you're his world. His family. <3

Nicholas D. Wolfwood

Unlike Vash, you and Wolfwood absolutely knew that pregnancy could happen

You and him both were sorta neutral about it - not actively trying to prevent a pregnancy, but not actively trying to conceive either.

"If it happens, it happens," Wolfwood said with a shrug when you brought it up to him

And so, you two just went about your lives together as always.

Of course, neither of you really bothered to keep tabs on your pregnancy status because you were busy travelling (and being on the run) with Vash and the others

Everything was as it usually was, with the group trying to escape from another disastrous clash with a police force of some kind, bullets flying past you all

You were hiding behind a corner, covering Wolfwood as he managed to fend off the cops coming after Vash and the rest of you, when a stray bullet struck you in the side, causing you to cry out and fall back

"(Y/N)!" You heard Wolfwood scream out your name, but you couldn't seem to see where he was anymore

Before you knew what was happening, the world went black

When you woke, your eyes opening to bright light, you quickly gasped and sat up only to cry out from the sharp pain in your side

Wolfwood was by your side, a deep scowl on his face, but you could see in his eyes that he was scared

"Mornin', sweetheart, nice of you to rejoin us in the land of the living."

Once you were more fully awake, the doctor came in to speak with you and Wolfwood, cheerfully reporting that "Thankfully, the bullet missed anything important, and the baby is just fine, too."

Umm, what?

Both you and Wolfwood choked slightly on your own spit as the doctor said that, with you coughing out "What baby?"

Yup, turns out you were pregnant and had been for a little while already at that point

From that point forward, Wolfwood becomes EXTREMELY protective of you, refusing to let you walk in front of him or even stand in front of him (he plans to use his body to protect yours if something bad happens)

He'd do his best to smoke less and not do it around you because it isn't good for the baby (he's trying hard but he still forgets sometimes)

Wolfwood would be the kind of guy who outwardly seems very relaxed and unphased by the situation but secretly has tried to read through every parenting book he could get his hands on

And when it's time for you to give birth? Listen, Wolfwood has seen a lot of things in his life, but he was NOT expecting birth to be that gruesome

Would become very pale, sweating profusely before dropping like a stone, out cold

Comes back to life when your baby begins to cry, announcing their arrival into the world

You would witness a rigid man bend and soften in front of you - you'd see Wolfwood's gaze soften and a genuine smile appear on his face as he holds your and his baby in his arms, a tiny hand wrapping around one of his fingers

Love at first sight for Wolfwood - he never thought a family would be something he wanted, but now that he has one? He's never letting go of it

Until the doctor announces that the second baby was coming

Thankfully the nurse had enough sense to take your baby from Wolfwood's arms shortly before the doctor announced that because he ended up back on the floor, out cold again

Kind of a wuss around childbirth but he loves his babies (and you) more than anything else in his life

I can definitely see him as a dad to twin girls (idk why he gives me girl dad energy)

[sentience-if]

#i'm a bit surprised no one's been upset at val

oh i can talk about how mine for sure is

Val leaving Io made my MC feel so hurt, especially since she also doesn't like the Religious and didn't want to come here but made to anyway. she doesnt see why he could not have ran out with her hand in his. as a result, once she found him and got say her accusatory "You left me", she left. and she wanted to Val to follow her or stop her or something, but Val didn't (for justified reasons, i wouldnt have stopped Io in Val's place either)

i think something between them has been broken now, likely irreversibly. she might grow to like him again and even have some trust, eventually, but i think Val has been labeled as "would leave you" forever in her mind. i dont think she'd trust Val with her life anymore. i think anytime Val might joke "Have I steered you wrong before?" that there will be a sour, accusatory silence. my Io went from "shame there's no Connie-Val poly in addition to the Klaus-Val poly, because i camt imagine her ever NOT loving Val" into, "well, it's a good thing theres a Klaus-solo route and also that Connie's route never had an option to be poly with Val, bc idk if Val can get Io to that point of love again"

which i do wonder if that makes my Io especially vulnerable, in the sense that someone else can now step into Val's "place" and be a lot less good-intentioned about it. bc my Io had been nigh co-dependent, had been "I don't exist without Val", and now something has just shattered where my Io has now very rapidly developed abandonment issues

and the realization that Val does know where Io came from in the sense of the ending revealing Val saw who Io was before Io's current form?? that is not helping. that is making things actively worse. that is now "oh. so you didnt tell me, so you kept me at arm's length in a way i didnt see that you were, because you were scared of me. you didnt take me with you because you were scared of me. like all the stuff in-between where i was Becoming A Human Being didnt matter, even when i didnt remember what i used to be, because you DID remember. and you kept it from me. because you were scared of me." in a very.......... uhhhhhhhh

have you ever seen Fruits Basket?? im internally comparing Val to Kyo's mom. that's how my Io sees Val now, basically. albeit Val is less extreme than Kyo's mom, obviously

if youve never seen Fruits Basket, this is a spoiler, for sure, but it would also give context(?). Fruits Basket has a scene where Kyo can turn into this monstrous creature anytime he takes off this bracelet. and his mom was ashamed that he could do that, that he could transform like that, but she didnt want him to know that (but he did) so she kept saying stuff like "You're so adorable, I have to keep you all to myself" and "It's okay. It'll all be okay because I love you. That's why I don't want anyone else to see you, to look at you. Nobody look at my son, he's all mine. You're just so cute. I can't help it" and "I'm so proud to have you as my son" while also never letting him go outside or be around others, and even said "No, honey, you're as human as anyone else. You turn into the form sometimes because of evil magic. Not because there's anything wrong with you. You turn back to normal soon after, right? That proves you aren't a monster. It's okay, I promise, I'm not scared at all" and he would think back in recollection and go "Liar. You were scared, weren't you? That's why you checked dozens of times a day to make sure my bracelet was still on". she used love to be in denial of what was happening. eventually, the denial and unspoken shame and self-silenced fear and whatnot became so bad, she "unalived herself". and Kyo's dad blamed Kyo for that (like a dickhead) while also saying "She loved you. Your mother loved you more than anything else in the world". Kyo would come to say (to himself, to the memories of this) "Stop it! Stop it, you're wrong! Don't force that kind of 'love' on me, I don't need it, I don't!". and when he remembered that his mom would say "Sweetheart, I love you. I would die for you, you know that, right?" his internal response to that memory was "Why did you always say stuff like that? How can you love someone when you never acknowledge who they really are?"

now, years later, this gets further addressed via Tohru. as Kyo meets this girl named Tohru, and has a real connection with her but is hesitant about getting closer even though they already are close. because Tohru doesnt know about Kyo's monstrous form. his mother's death impacts his need to keep Tohru in the dark, but other people know Kyo's secret form and force him to reveal it to Tohru without her havung any idea of what is happening and without his consent. he runs away, and Tohru ends up following him. he tries to push her away, even causing her shoulder to bleed because of his claws, and she does initially walk away before realizing, if Kyo didn't come back with her, she'd probably never see or hear from him again; and then turning around and hugging his arm as he thrashes around for her to let go and run already. she begs him "Let's go home, please! We have to go home, right now!" to which he replies "No! Just go away!" and she says "No!" back and he yells "Don't you get it?!" and she says "No, I don't!". she continues, "I'm scared. Even though I know that's your voice, it doesn't sound like you. You're in a form I've never seen before. It scares me. But scared or not, I want to understand. If you need to talk, I'll listen. If you need to be selfish, I'll let you. I want to help you, the way you've helped me. If you're feeling hurt or scared or weak, tell me. I want you to tell me so I can face it with you. Because I want us to keep living together. I want to eat with you, study with you, worry with you. I just want to stay with you, Kyo." to which Kyo replied, transformed back to his human self again, in a mix of words to Tohru and internal monolog "The thing is, if she didn't love all of me, my mom, that would've been fine. Or, even if she were scared, I would get that. Because being scared would've meant she was looking at the ugly part of me. But she never did. My mom used 'love' as a way of avoiding seeing the truth, to avoid even thinking about it. But, I wanted her to understand. I just wanted her to say 'We'd face it together', I just wanted her to say she wanted to stay. Even back then, I knew it was stupid. A kid's dream that would never come true. Because who would ever say something like that to me? That's what I thought, until... Tohru." and he goes back home with Tohru to face everyone again, and keeps Tohru a close part of his life

so, my Io sees Val now as more of a Kyo's mom than she does a Tohru. obviously Val isn't AS BAD as Kyo's mom, vut i think you see my point?? and so now my Io is looking for "her Tohru", so to speak, albeit not conciously. and she no longer sees Val capable of being that. so her love for Val can only go as far as, well, as far as Val can, really. it doesn't bridge the gap between them. no matter how badly Val might insist their own love can bridge it (but it isn't, maybe it can't) or how much Val wishes my Io's love could bridge it (but it won't. it used to. but now she's too scared of being abandoned again after getting her hopes up). and so my Io's every route has Io and Val being "almost"-in a relationship, as close to being in love as two people refusing to label it can be, before this effectively ends the romantic side of their relationship. i guess that means Val is her situationship? that feels weird to put on Val, but yeah. and maybe Val can turn this into a "second chance romance" and "be her Tohru" and bridge the gap, in the sense that idk how you plan to progress and am not a mind-reader and therefore cannot say "never again" because "never say never" and whatnot

but yeah. that's where my Io is right now. very upset and feeling very unlovable. and maybe Connie or Klaus can fix that (i do also love Kat and Ira, but i dont think my Io does, so im currently not playing either's route but maybe that'll change! thatd be nice!!) or maybe Val can fix it. but not right away

but yeah!! cant wait to see how the story goes. im in shock at how damaged my Io and Val's relationship is, how my Io is basically scared of Val and sees them as.... "a flake" feels inaccurate but that kind of same "dont buy into Val's promises so much, you'll only get disappointed. Val means well. but Val still left me behind when push came to shove, Val still omitted all this from me" of self-restraint. she feels very much like a kid who got her hopes up only to be let down, kind of like a kid with a deadbeat dad who promised Disneyland but he never shows up to take her and instead he stays at the bar(?) but not quite. but does that make sense?? not angry, not resentful, just feeling very stupid

but, yeah, add another tally in the "Ios who are upset with Val" box for me lol

ohoho the ANGST the DRAMA this is good food thank you. I've seen parts of Fruits Basket in that I had a roommate that watched it a lot but yeah I can definitely see the parallels

Val will get a chance to fix it but I think I'm definitely going to have to write a route where Io does not forgive them. And for an Io who turns to Connie or Klaus instead- that would sting Val so much, in equal but opposite ways. It's probably a very good thing that Klaus wouldn't want to hurt Val because you're right, it would be really easy to take advantage of Io's emotions right now, and I wouldn't put it past him

oh and as to your second ask re: not gendering Val- genuinely don't worry about it haha. I just use they/them for Val (and Connie) in asks because i don't want one to seem more canon than the others. I don't mind if readers pick one

[animentality]

Thoughts on this post?:

https://www.tumblr.com/animentality/64152073250/abc-newsman-proves-danger-of-allowing-transgender?source=share

thanks for reminding me to delete that post I made in literally 2013 when I was 15 because it doesn't reflect who I am as a person anymore.

is this supposed to be a gotcha?

are people supposed to be born woke?

I am amazed you managed to even find this post with like 6 notes, where I legitimately asked people for their opinion on the subject because I was unsure about it and I had certain taught biases that I hadn't learned to abandon yet.

it might amaze you to know that I once told a guy he'd make a great wife when he mentioned he liked cooking.

this was in 2012.

how cisheteronormative of me, right?

but you were all so woke in 2012, weren't you?

you never said anything that was not PC as a teenager.

you never told edgy jokes or said stupid offensive things.

you were born perfect, I'm sure.

it's not like I'm proud of the dumb stuff I said.

but I didn't start identifying as nonbinary until I was 18, and I didn't start identifying as trans until I was 21.

I was raised by an older mother, not a gen x er or a millennial, but a baby boomer, whose inherent biases still sometimes surface in me when I least expect it.

I was raised Catholic.

I had JUST STARTED PUBLIC SCHOOL, after spending literally 6 years in a fucking Catholic school.

I DIDNT UNDERSTAND transgender issues, nor did most people in 20 fucking 13.

how the fuck could I

my mom to this day doesn't know what the fuck nonbinary or trans are, and I identify as both.

how was I supposed to know?

I'd never even met anyone in the LGBT community at that point, nor had I realized I belonged there either.

I literally didn't even know I was pan at that point, or that I was nb/trans myself, or how I felt about most political topics.

that's why I ASKED.

and I said the wrong things. yeah, I did.

but no one had taught me the right words.

and in that post, no one bothered to explain it to me either.

I had to learn that over time.

and guess what?

I'm still not perfect now. I'm still going to make mistakes because times change, as they always do.

and all we can do is try and forgive people who are trying and doing their best, and remaining open minded to things they don't understand right from fucking birth.

but by all means, do search my history to your hearts content.

honestly, I kinda wanna see what dirt you find because this was an interesting look at the kinds of things I thought in 2013.

I can look back at myself and see how far I've come.

this post was interesting to read for me because it was wildly off mark, it misgendered trans women, and it lacked political, historical, and social understanding...

and so?

yeah?

it's offensive. it's bad.

and I didn't know any better.

but lol.

people learn things. people change their opinions.

if you people spend all your time digging up dirt and trying to cancel people for who they were, rather than who they are, or who they're trying to be... I have news for you.

your existence is pointless and your efforts are meaningless.

but I am flattered you did such a deep dive, anon.

please do find more and send them to me.

I'd like to know what other gotchas you can yank out of my ass.

I used to be on Facebook in 2011 before I deleted it in like 2013.

see if you can find anything there.

I used to write cringy poetry. it might be funny to read now.

[verdart]

I made the unfortunate decision to comment on a tiktok saying

"Blitz has every right to doubt Stolas' intentions and I will di on this hill defending Blitz"

Which made me actually realize in the context of Stolitz how much the fandom vilifies Blitz.

Upon rewatch I realized that he is actually kinda innocent lmao. So here comes the rant hop on in Verda rants at 4am again train.

The thing is first of all we need to work our media literacy muscles. So Stolas stans who think he is a uwu babygirl that dod nothing wrong repeat after me. "Blitz didn't watch "just look my way", "owl in a cage" or any other Stolas longing scene that we cried over"

Now that thats setteled I don't want to hear any "he is trying" bs because as of now (pre full moon s2e8) he hasn't actually done anything that Blitz is aware.

Lets start from the top my initial comment was about how Stolas treated him for so long before actually catching the feelings and how Blitz has a right to think he is not genuine.

Up top lest start with the condescending pet names and I won't be hearing Blitz cant be mad at that Stolas does it bc he thinks he likes it... jesus okay s2e1 when stolas starts the imp dirty talk what does blitz do a) encourage him b) get naked and dtf bc that was hot, c) shuts him up

Ding ding ding C. Stolas can still take this as bedtime play sure but we have a case for Blitz not liking it from day one. Other than that we all know he views Stolas' (perhaps in his mind endearing) pet names as condescention.

Secondly even if we ignore the power imbalance Stolas is the one to suggest the transactional fucking... s1e1 even tho in the forst time it was Blitz's doing, sorta. So don't at me saying well Blitz just uses him for the grimoire, like girly duh that was the premise. But Stolas also uses Blitz. Imo lending a book vs fucking in payment is a bot excessive but for Blitz's case beggars cant be chosers.

Now to the elephant in the room... Ozzie's. Does Blitz invite him (Stolas) purely out of selfish intentions that has nothing to do with him? Yes. Is he a dick? Yes. But Does Stolas hide his fucking face when he has a reality check? Yes. But then y'all be mad bc Blitz pulled his hand back.

That night Stolas was read once, Blitz was like at least 2 times... if we don't count the stuff for Stolas by proxy. He was having a hard night bro. And after Stolas invites him he is like no and Stolas respects that. Which if the show didn't add s2e2 in between it wouldve been a perfect stepping stool to get the Stolitz on healthy communication territory but that didn't happen.

I cannot for the life of me pin point when Stolas genuinely falls for Blitz. If its from day one damn it took him long enough to understand what he was doing was wrong.

Anyways we as fans can't be mad at Stolas because we know he is starting to understand the absolute power imbalance he created and the position he left Blitz in. He has realized that the thing is lets remember and repeat "Blitz is not watching the show with us". Blitz doesn't know of this sudden change of heart.

Now to adress a few meaningful interactions we have after ozzies. The fucking pixelated phone texts from s2 western energy.

Stolas apologizes but in that way that I look down upon. "Sorry if" like girl own it up anyways Blitz brushes it off and Stolas instead just goes hehe I didnt care either. Yall need relationship therapy my god. Important thing is Stolas was trying to reach out. But instead of going anything I said that made you upset etc he could've actually apologize properly for getting ashamed. Tho Blitz should also apologize for inviting him on a date for his own gain but thats another bag of worms I won't open tonight.

Other than that he has put off seeing him and doing the transactional fucking for a while. During those times. And as we know from all the phones Blitz breaks after talking to Stolas and hearing hus dirty talk he isn't too excited about. We don't exactly know if he comes or not on those nights. But he is also showm to be quite comfortable in s2e2 with the "my dick is good but its not that good" comment so maybe they do continue the arrangement... idk. Either way we know they haven't really talked.

All I am saying is that both parties of this ship are guilty af of hurting eachother and taking advantage of eachother. But as the power house of this power imbalance, Stolas needs to be held accountable. And he is doing that now!! Or will, in s2e8 and I can't wait to see how that goes. Overall, I can see totally why Blitz shuts down any signs that Stolas might actually be into him. He has a good bunch of reasons too. And as far as we've seen from the trailer we will get to hear him say it out loud as he should.

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

hey you seem to really know your stuff with titanic and im curious if you can tell me more about that night? a lot seem to think everyone either just drowned or froze too death, but i have a feeling it was a lot more awful than people realize, considering all the jokes people make about the sinking they seem clueless to the fact this was a very bad and awful way to die, for everyone on that ship, especially the third class :/

you know, ive always thought i didnt know that much about titanic but as ive sat here parsing through what i do know, turns i know a lot more than i thought.

and unfortunately, anon, youre very right, it was a horrible way to die, especially so for the third class.

quite a lot of people did drown or freeze to death which are horrifying ways to go by themselves.

at the time, evacuation plans for big oceanliners were shit so a lot of people wouldnt have gotten their lifesavers on, and off the top of my head, i wouldnt be able to tell you how many people could swim back then, but it was certainly less than today. it was only in the 90s that swimming became a compulsory part of the curriculum in schools in the uk, so unless you had reason to know to swim, you probably didnt know if you were british.

and i dont think i need to go into the biology of drowning to tell you its not a fun way to go. its fucking painful, for one, and two, you would have been terrified if you drowned during a fucking shipwreck.

it was also very cold, unsurprisingly. its the north atlantic. it was about 28°F or -2°C which is a lethal temperature. for some reason, a lot of people think that freezing is a relatively peaceful way to die; its not. i cant speak myself for how awful being so cold youre shivering is (i cant really feel the cold because of nerve damage but thats beside the point), but everyone ive spoken to about it resoundingly says its fucking awful. you also experience disorientation, muscle stiffness, excruciating pain in your extremities as your body pulls circulating blood from them to keep your vital organs going, and if youre very unlucky, you might also get frostbite (which can kick in under 30mins) which will add some burning pain.

an added kicker to the cold is that even if you can swim, the shock of cold water might make it harder. im pretty sure shock also likely killed people outright.

another way of dying if you made it out of the boat and into the water (spoiler: several people didnt) is if you were too close to the funnels when they collapsed, you would have been crushed by 62ft tall metal funnels. dozens died that way and if the crushing didnt kill you, you would have either drowned or frozen to death soon after.

you could have also been killed by any number of things that fell from the ship, especially as the stern (the end bit) began to lift up before the ship finally broke in two.

mind you, all of this happened in almost darkness. the engineers kept the lights on as long as they could but eventually they cut out and part of what made the iceberg so hard to see was the fact that it was a new moon.

one of the other things that made it hard to spot is one of the few not good things, but better: the ocean was relatively calm. it made it hard to spot icebergs because you can normally watch out for the foam of the water as it splashes on them. although it led to the sinking itself, it did make launching lifeboats possible (its hard as hell to launch lifeboats in violent ocean today let alone the dinky little wooden ones back then) and those in the water werent being thrown around as much as they could have been. though thats not saying much.

and of course, there are those who didnt make it out of the boat. movies did not lie to you about that although they did lie to you about the specifics.

historical record suggests that they did not purposefully lock third class passengers below deck like many movies show. testimony from the few third class passengers who survived indicates this which is why im likely to believe it. they were able to get up on deck, but it also wasnt easy to do that.

now, crew have said in the haste of the evacuation, they didnt remember to tell the third class passengers the plan. now is that true or is it just a more favourable story to tell during the inquiry? i cant say, for sure. either could be true and both highlight how we treated the poor in society back then (and as a poor, its reflective of today). as such, many third class passengers simply left the cabins and waited outside to be told what to do and that didnt happen. eventually, they made their way up themselves, some due to the fact that they could see the rising water.

and not all of them made it to deck. some chose not to, and again, going off third class survivor testimony here which is why im willing to believe it. theres a specific story about a woman who put her baby on her lap and simply played the piano until the atlantic rose to meet her. another of a man who told his brethren that he was too old to fight the atlantic, and simply lit a cigarette and waited.

others got lost because titanic was a large ship and it was very easy to get lost. especially in the panic of a sinking ship and under lights that are getting dimmer. luckily, some crew remembered oh shit the poor people exist and went down to help any that needed it, so some were led out but that doesnt mean they all did.

also, sadly, it probably wouldnt have helped. similarly to the engineering crew that kept the engines going as long as they could before evacuating themselves, there simply werent enough lifeboats and they were all or almost all gone.

additionally, there were no lifeboats on the third class deck space so they had to make their way to either second or first in order to get into a lifeboat. dont quote me on this because i might have the wrong place, but this is where there was a locked gate for third class. luckily, they snapped the lock off of it and got the fuck out.

anyway, back to those inside. now some of the people trapped inside likely drowned, especially those trapped in the bow as it slowly filled with water and began to sink into the water. the risk of drowning also got worse, once things like walls and doors gave out and in comes a rush of freezing cold sea water.

but that isnt the only likely fate. a rush of water can push quite a lot of things and terrifying speeds which meant people would have been killed via blunt force trauma or being impaled on something. especially for those in the stern (again, the back bit) as it lifted because gravity is not helping here. those still trapped inside would have held on for dear light as the light slowly dimmed and became redder before finally cutting out as the ship broke in two.

now if you were in the stern and escaped death via drowning, blunt force trauma or impaling, you would have definitely been killed by water pressure. see, the bow was able to fill with water relatively slowly and equally which is why its still decently intact on the seabed because it sank relatively slowly. the stern did not and thats why the stern looks like an underwater crash site. as the stern sank, it sank quickly which meant there were still air pockets inside as it sank. and as it came down, the pressure built and soon the people above water could hear what sounded like explosions. it would have been a quick death, but thats the most i can say.

i cant speak for if any kind of sealife killed anyone. i havent heard of any testimony of that and i dont know whats there in the north atlantic to kill people. i assume theres something there, but i couldnt tell you what.

im also sure i missed some forms of death, but off the top of my head, thats what i got.

and yeah, it wasnt pretty and most of the people who died were third class or crew members.

[void-with-a-keyboard]

so

*tents my hands mischievously*

sun and solars early relationship

i said i would talk about it SO I AM

im just. imagining solar so desperately pining for sun but refusing to do anything about it bc he was too scared to- so hes just silently watching from a distance and no u didnt just see him staring at sun while playing with the kids wut r u talking about?? he definitely doesnt find everything that sun does endearing and adorable y would u ever think that???

i feel like either moon or lunar or earth (or maybe all 3 lmao) would be like "just talk to him man" and so eventually he does and hes like "actually this isnt so ba-" GETS HIT WITH EMOTIONAL BEAM

he feels like 20 things at once and he doesnt know wut to do with himself. he wants to cry, he wants to hug him, he wants to kiss him, he wants to apologize even tho this isnt his sun and he feels both amazing to get to talk to him but also so emotional bc this isnt his sun hes talking to so eventually he runs off and sun is SUPER worried bc he has no clue wut just happened- one second he was talking with solar and the next solar is running out of the room with no explanation

eventually he does talk to sun again bc sun is worried n asks wuts wrong and blah blah blah emotion stuff. eventually it leads to solar talking about how much he misses his sun and how he wishes he could have that same connection he had and sun is like "well, i could be ur brother too?" and solar at first is like "no no u dont have to" but at the same time hes been YEARNING to have that connection with sun FOR SO LONG. its not gonna be the same as before, and he knows that. but its better than nothing, ya know?

and so then they slowly grow closer and closer. i imagine that solar and sun is like the "fell first and fell harder" trope. solar obviously fell first (if ya cant tell lmao). he has no fucking clue wut to do. sure at this point probably everyone is kissing everyone but for my own sanity im going to ignore that so my adhd doesnt get side tracked- but he doesnt really know wut to do since- how tf do u tell ur brother u wanna kiss him?

then u have sun over here who eventually comes to his own realization of "oh shit i really like him like that" and hes just- fumbling all over the place AND IS SO AWKWARD ABOUT IT TOO- like solar can at least PARTIALLY compose himself and hide since its been going on for so long but sun absolutely did NOT catch himself and face planted into his own feelings like a pool of oobleck, hitting hard then slowly sinking further and further (strange comparison ik but its the most accurate)

but they do eventually confess! i say sun does first bc he just NEEDS to let his feelings be known and if solar doesnt feel the same then thats okay bc he can manage and he wont ever bring it up again- ofc solar is absolutely fucking flabbergasted and is screaming internally bc "WTF IS HAPPENING-" but eventually he (metaphorically) slaps himself back to reality and admits that he feels the same

AND THEN THEY KISS THE END!!!!

[xmorguekittyx]

Daddy’s Got You Now…

description: In which, Megumi Fushiguro needs a mother and his father needs someone to keep under his thumb.

warnings: 18+, mentions of dubious content; older Toji (early to mid 30’s), younger reader (early 20’s), daddy kink mentioned, spit mentioned, manipulation, use of a child against someone, forced relationship, forced coercion, innocent reader, forced dom/sub relationship, domestic violence, crying, bodily fluids and mentions of male and female anatomy.

:dead dove; do not eat:

love… it can come in all kinds of forms; but those who crave it lick it off of a jagged knives edge, begging for more once it slices into the tastebuds that savor the blood and feeling of being “loved”.

Puddles of water splashed under his feet, pants soaked from the sidewalk cracks, water pooling together. his mind too focused on his inner monologue than where his feet ended up. just a bottle of whiskey and he'd rush back home to make sure the brat didn't wake up while he was gone. another knock on the neighbors door and Megumi was sure to be taken away from him. maybe a mother for Megumi wasn't a bad idea, someone he didn't have to pay to watch his kid. he was a ladies man; he had plenty of one night stands before megumi popped his little head out and ruined them, fingers digging in his eyes as he whined about being woken up, probably by whoever's whorish moans he had in his bed that night. fortunately, for megumi, those nights had ended. shiu had send off toji on another manhunt, leaving him no time for women... besides one.

another day… another murder… another sleepless night hearing his son snore away in his room, small body wrapped tightly into blanket, hands under his chest as the toddler breathes evenly. the sounds of the night fill his ears, making room for his slightly blurry vision to adjust to the street lamp peeking out from the curtains. his breath smelt of liquor, the cheap stuff that kept his mind off his life and away from his toddler, his lip curling in the thought of tasting another one of those beers..., if he had another beer. a whiskey, vodka, sake, tequila- well, maybe not that one. a gruff and hoarse scoff left his lips, fingers tightening on the creaking cabinet door, careful not to wake up his son, the boy had been moodier here recently, having just had a mother's day dance at his school. Of course, Megumi Fushiguro had no mother to dance with or brush his hair out of his eyes for pictures. He didn't have a dad that went in place of the mother either; that's how Toji ended up with a brooding, pouted lip photo of his son hanging on the fridge.

"that boy needs a mother!", the woman at the corner store had told him over and over, seeing the boy overburden his arms with junk food and chubby cheeks. "don't you ever feed him?", the woman pried, her fingers pointing at the green eyed boy who jut out his bottom lip in return. "maybe if you could mind your own business, hag, gonna make my son cry at it too? none of your fucking business about his mother or his eating habits-", toji felt like a vein was going to pop out of his skull, his eye twitching at the memory, Its nobody's fucking business about his life. maybe he wasn't the world best father to the mutt of a child- maybe he had let the kid miss a meal or two by accident. he worked a lot and it took a lot of his time to hunt down whatever target Shiu offered.

"toji?', she looked so much like a child, her fingers digging into her sleepy eyes, rubbing away the film that left her vision of him slighty blurred. "i didnt realize you were home.", her steps were so silent, he hadn't heard them behind him as he turned, seeing the younger girl he'd hired to watch megumi... for less than what she deserved oay. megumi was a child that needed extra care, extra love, something toji couldn't give him, but the college girl next door could. her laptop opened on his coffee table; a blanket messily tossed over the arm rest. "i saw you leave and i figured megumi was sleeping so i came to watch him....", her cheeks lit up, damn, he forgot how shy she was. "'s alright. brat's fed and asleep... didnt have to come over here.", he shrugged. Shoulders rolling out an ache he'd had ever since he got in that brawl with some hot shot sorcerer. her eyes flickered up at him, hearing his voice, it was gruff, but not too deep, he sounded much different than how he looked. "i guess, i should head out now, Gumi had a nightmare while you were gone, i got him back.', her soft tone had toji feeling his head foggier than it already was. she had been a lot of help for the past few weeks, but something didn't go unnoticed by the older man.

"next time ask me before coming over here, brat would've been fine on his own. starting to make me think you're just a nosey bitch", his cruel words didn’t always get under her skin, but when they did it hurt like knives licking up her sides, the same ones she tried to savor his affection from. Sure, he was older… much older than her, but he had his charming sides; like when he would actually show up on time to see Megumi before he went to sleep, or when he’d being back a half-eaten, cold pizza for the kid after a night full of betting… or maybe he didn’t have any redeeming qualities after his first wife passed. Maybe, she just scraped up what she could and held it in her hands, watching it slip past her fingers as she clutched the remainders to her chest. Hoping and praying they’d push past her scarred ribs and plummet into her heart and keep her spirit alive.

WIP tumbler keeps messing me up!