#and it always kinda sucked because everyone else around me has all these stories with their cousins

[unreadpoppy]

god why did you have to make half of my family a bunch of greedy egotistic assholes

[alllgator-blood]

Okay I promise my next post will be the angst comic part 4 but FIRST. THE ONE AND ONLY THING I SHIP

LITERALLY THE SECOND PERSON WHO GUESSED THE PAIRING GOT IT CORRECT??? THAT WAS FAST. This is a situation where I have to go "okay hear me out" because it makes 0 sense to anyone but me. This is really long and very dependent on my au comic nobody but me has read, but the TL;DR is:

I feel like they'd be a good pairing because shamura loves to learn but doesn't care about material goods, and mystic seller is used to all gods talking to them only BECAUSE they offer material goods. So when somebody actually wanted to know about *them* personally and what it's like to be a weird angel thing, the two established a bond. Also they're both agender and most likely asexual AND don't seem to be socially aware despite being ancient wise beings that know seemingly everything, so they understood each other like instantly.

I have a lot of sketches of them hanging out but here's a shitpost sketch thing I made AAAAAGES ago

Okay so from an in-game standpoint, mystic seller pops up to tell you how the post-game works with purgatory and all that, and introduces the purged bosses. Really ratau could've done that as the established Tutorial Guy, or even narinder but there IS the chance that you killed both of them (lol) so mystic seller is the unkillable, all-knowing angel that shows up to say "you suck at killing people. The bishops are trapped in purgatory, you know. You should probably do something about that".

But from like a CHARACTER standpoint what do they stand to gain? They're not even from your dimension so why should they care, they're just here for your god tears? From the dialogue about the bishops we can see that they don't really give a shit about any of them, EXCEPT! SHAMURA? Mystic seller doesn't feel emotions like "our kind" does but one of the only times they do, it's to say it's a shame what happened to shamura. They also say they didn't barter with them much, because they "needed little".

SO THAT HAD ME THINKING. My au comic (which is hundreds of sketched panels and the full thing will never see the light of day unless I post it unfinished. Eugh) is about shamura going around chronicling everything they witnessed during the time they were alive, and they notice everyone is like...selfish. Trying to be the last god standing. Really obsessed with trinkets and charms, so some of the gods just go around harvesting relics from the other gods and using their powers to survive a little longer. Shamura has visions of the future of siblings they don't know they have yet, so they try to be friendly with the rest of the pantheon to form a family and it always bites them in the ass, so they have to kill them.

Eventually they end up with all these fuckin god tears and they're thinking "what do I even do with these? Nobody wants them and everyone has them", and BOOM. MYSTIC SELLER JUMPSCARE. They do the whole introduction where they say they have loot in exchange for god tears, shamura just drops off the tears and is like "I don't care about trinkets, bye" and the seller is like. What Thy Fuck. Because every other god is pretty adamant on getting something good in exchange for the tears. So they call them back and ask if there's ANYTHING at all they want. And shamura, being the self-proclaimed wisdom god, just asks the seller to talk about themself for a while, who's just like okkaaayyy?? Nobody else ever asked what it's like to be a bizarre circle headed angelic creature that collects magical bits and pieces, but shamura LOVES to learn, and the two bonded that way. Shamura would bring the mystic seller god tears, the seller would tell them a story, they'd write it down to put in their archives and the conversations eventually got more personal when the stories started to run out. They both realized they don't understand how other people work, but they knew how *each other* worked so they could kinda learn how to function as normal people with each other's observations.

When I say I ship them I mostly mean like a QPP situation because I think they'd be good partners in the most autistic asexual way possible, where they don't make out sloppy style or outright say "I love you", but they have an understanding of one another that doesn't apply to anyone else really. They don't have to rely on conventional relationship stuff to know the other one cares deeply for them in the most nonverbal, oddly specific way possible. I know shamura's the smart one but I really feel like that extends to everything except understanding how people work, hence all the stuff that happened with narinder and the rest of the family. So finding someone else outside the pantheon who is quite literally inhuman, otherworldly, genderless and uninterested in Carnal Desire would definitely make them feel the closest thing to romantic love that they can. Also, since mystic seller lets the gods name them, shamura named them "sunshine" after hearing one of their followers singing that "you are my sunshine" song to the person they loved the most. I always liked how shamura has their little moon crown and the mystic seller is depicted as the sun in some of the art? They go together well is what I'm saying and I'm kinda surprised nobody has done anything of them yet.

I WILL SAY I have angst planned for them once I do the introductory comics, it has to do with how narinder's imprisonment happened literally right in front of where mystic seller sets up shop, so canonically it's safe to assume they watched shamura get lobotomized in real time :')

But for now...I must go back to kallamar angst cause I've been putting off posting this part. It gets very mentally ill very quickly so I needed to balance it out with fluff......

[cripplecharacters]

Hi! Sorry if this is a stupid question but I was wondering about representing disabilities/things in general that you don't have.

I always see people say that they want characters to be represented properly, and to show their disabilities and lives in an accurate way, but I also see people talk about how you shouldn't write about the struggles a POC/minority/person with a disability/etc. faces because you don't experience that and you're speaking over them or only using their story for "trauma porn" or whatever.

Maybe it's just because I'm autistic but I'm really not understanding how those two things coexist. How do I show how someone lives, especially with a disability that might be painful, without writing about the things they face?

Obviously it would be super weird if the character's entire personality was just "My life is awful because I'm so different, I can't do the things everyone else can, my life sucks."

But what about normal things that they struggle with? Like "Yeah I only have one arm, it's a pain in the ass to do dishes but it's not the end of the world." or "I have albinism so my depth perception is shit but whatever" or "It's fucking annoying when people stare at/judge me because I look different, but if they don't like it that's their problem, not mine lol."

Is the problem whether or not a characters ENTIRE story revolves around their disability? Using my own as an example:

A story, specifically, about how Funky Bungus, as an autistic person, lives in the world and what struggles he has due to his disability, VS a story where Funky Bungus is trying to stop two kingdoms from going to war and there's a short scene where he feels bad about not being able to make eye contract with people, before going back to the Kingdom War Drama.

I just want to use my stories as a way to educate people about disabilities and make people go "Hey, that character is like me!" or to make people think about their actions, like having a character complain about people staring at their scar/missing arm/etc. so maybe people will read it and go "Wow, I guess it IS rude when I don't mind my own business, from now on I won't stare at people."

Sorry if this got long and incomprehensible 😬

I guess the question is "How do I write about the struggles someone with a disability faces without coming across like I'm writing trauma porn or speaking over people" but I just have the Overexplain Everything So I'm Not Misunderstood Disorder™ lmao

I believe you have it right; the problem with many stories about disabilities written by non disabled authors often lies in when the story relies entirely on the disability.

It’s absolutely fine to write about the struggles a character faces — for an example with one of my disabilities, say a non-disabled author wrote about how a character kinda hates their chronic pain and wishes they didn’t have it. But otherwise there’s other stuff going on in the character’s life, like friends and family and hobbies, not just self-pity, and there’s other things going on in the plot, like maybe a mystery to solve or an Item to find or an adventure to go on or something.

That would be perfectly fine, and I’d love to read it actually, and really writing is kind of a balance of using what we know already and mixing it with things we haven’t experienced but have researched and/or thought about.

That’s how you show an authentic character with disabilities — they have struggles, things they can’t do or can’t do as well as others, but that’s not all there is to them. There’s things they enjoy doing, things they’re good at, people they spend time with and things they do.

Good intentions combined with research and knowledge (and good plots!) will make for good stories that feel authentic.

Hope this helps!

Mod Sparrow

Hey!

I think that there can be good stories that have disability/ableism as its primary focus, but they should be #OwnVoices (as in, made by people who experience said thing). That's largely because it often gets very specific and thus easy to misrepresent even if you have good intentions. Sometimes it can end up like "being disabled is so sad and everything is inaccessible, how tragic" and end up pitying the character - rather than actually sympathizing with them - just because that nuance is missing.

To use the same example as you did, "character complains about people staring at their scar sometimes" would be a completely normal way to include ableism as a part of life that does happen, while "character gets bullied for 300 pages for having a facial difference" would be in the torture porn category (when written by someone who doesn't have that experience).

I think that what Sparrow described is the best if you're not describing your own experiences. Including ableism as a thing that happens from time to time or as a tertiary focus is totally fine. That's how it is in real life - sometimes things do suck, but there's still a whole lot of other things that we do.

I think your desire to educate people is admirable, and it should be very much doable with the solutions you presented. Good luck writing,

mod Sasza

[agaypanic]

request: ok hear me out!! touchy!reader is the new girl at whitechapel and everyone just kinda gravitates towards her but somehow the main friend group (rory, erica, ethan ect) basically adopt her into the friend group unbeknownst to them Benny has a HUGE crush on her and often sulks while hanging out with them because of how touchy she is with everyone else,, then they figure out theyre just both 2 idiots in love!!! bonus points if she’s secretly a vampire too!! (not touchy in a weird way physical touch is just her love language btw) I love your work smmmm btw :D

Looking For Affection (Benny Weir X Vampire!Reader)

Masterlist

Request Something!

Summary: The gang makes friends with the new girl at school, who turns out to be a vampire that likes being affectionate with her friends. Benny gets pouty because his crush seems to be touchy with everyone except him.

A/N: this idea is so cute!! Benny would def sulk and be whiny about it and the gang would have to be like “bro get it together” lol i cant remember if full fledged vampires can drink animal blood or only human blood, so for the sake of the story full fledged vampires can drink animal blood, also warning for eating/drinking an animal ig…

***

Being the new girl was always hard. You didn’t know anyone, you didn’t know where half of your classes were. Hell, you weren’t half convinced you could find your way home. You were dropped off at your first period and basically left to fend for yourself. Then you had to force your way through an icebreaker while everyone stared at you, and when you sat down, you realized you had no idea what was going on because everyone had been doing this for weeks while it was your first day.

So yeah, being the new girl sucked. But it was ten times worse when you had to try to push down the deep insatiable thirst for the blood of the kid sitting next to you. 

“Before you all pack up, listen to me really quick.” The teacher said as she concluded the lesson. Everyone groaned but waited for her to continue. “I want someone to show Y/n around the school and help her find her classes. Would anybody like the volunteer?”

Surprisingly to your teacher, practically everyone’s hand shot up. It wasn’t too surprising to you, though. For some reason, the transformation made vampires very appealing to people. It got on your nerves on the days that you just wanted to lay low.

“Wow. Okay…” Your teacher looked at all the hands and then at you. “Y/n, how about you pick?”

You looked around the room. You had to be strategic about this. Someone who wasn’t too excited to be around you but wouldn’t abandon you before the end of the school day. It would also be a plus if you didn’t have an insane urge to suck them dry like a juice box.

You pointed at a girl that sat on the other side of the room, closer to the back.

“If you don’t mind?” She grinned at you.

“Sure!” The bell rang, and everyone left to go to their next class. You and the girl walked out together. “I’m Sarah, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you.” Sarah took hold of your backpack, helping to guide you through the crowded hallway. When she took you to your second period, she stopped you from going through the door.

“I’ll come back after class to take you to your other ones. Since I’m like, your guide, I guess, do you wanna sit with me and my friends at lunch? They’re a little weird, but I swear they’re nice.”

This was going better than you expected. Someone nice was helping you find your way around, and you didn’t have to go through the new kid struggle of trying to find somewhere to sit at lunch.

“Yeah, I’d like that a lot.”

***

Before you knew it, third period was over, and Sarah was walking you to the cafeteria. You insisted that you weren’t hungry, so she took you straight to her table. Only one other girl was sitting there.

“The boys will come soon; they’re getting food,” Sarah told you before gesturing to the blonde. “This is Erica. Erica, this is Y/n; she’s new.”

“Hi.” You said a bit nervously. Erica gave an intimidating smile, looking you up and down.

“Hey.”

“Who’s this?” A new voice asked. You turned to see three boys looking down at you with curiosity. You stared back, waiting for Sarah to introduce everyone as they sat down.

“She’s the new girl, her name’s Y/n.” Sarah smiled at you before gesturing to each of the boys. “Y/n, this is Rory, Ethan, and Benny.”

“New girl, huh?” Benny asked from his seat next to you. Even sitting, he had to look down to make eye contact with you. 

“Yeah.” He seemed to smile at your slight nervousness.

“How’s your day going so far?”

“Pretty okay. Kind of waiting for it to be over.” You tried to not get flustered when he laughed.

“Yeah, that’s fair. What do you have after this?” You reached into your pocket and pulled out your schedule. Benny looked it over, and his grin widened. “Oh nice, we have English together.” This made you excited for some reason. Maybe it was because you now have another friend (hopefully) to hang out with in class. The fact that, upon closer inspection, you realized Benny was kind of cute might have also been a factor.

“Y/n, if you don’t mind, maybe Benny could take you to your classes for the rest of the day?” Sarah suggested.

“Oh, yeah, sure.” You looked at Benny. “I mean, if you don’t mind, obviously.”

“Of course. We’re your buddies now.” You mirrored his grin. It was your first day, and by lunchtime, you had made five new friends. This was easier than you thought.

***

It had been a week since your first day at Whitechapel, and things were going great. You had Sarah in your first period, Benny in fourth, and Rory in fifth. None of your new friends seem to wonder why you never ate during lunch. In fact, Benny and Ethan were the only ones who came to the table with food. Despite harboring such a big secret, you felt so normal.

Today, Ethan invited everyone to come over to his house after school. The group got excited, but you became anxious. You always ate when you came home after school, and you don’t think your new friends would appreciate a detour from Ethan’s house so you could juice an animal. Luckily, you lied and said you’d have to talk to your parents first, and they believed you.

When school was over, you raced home. You had to wait for the streets to clear of students going home so you could hunt. There wasn’t much to do in town in terms of hanging out, so soon, you were free to roam. The park was your best bet. You could easily catch a squirrel or a bird.

You had a squirrel in your sight when your phone buzzed. You pulled it out slowly, not wanting to startle your prey. 

Sarah

hey! we’re picking up a pizza for tonight. if you want, we can swing by your place on the way back to Ethan’s

You quickly typed a response. You didn’t want to miss out on your dinner or worry Sarah by not responding quick enough.

Y/n

sounds great! see you soon :) 

Sarah

:) 

Looks like you were having fast food tonight. You quickly nabbed the squirrel, making it drop the nut it was looking over. You didn’t like thinking too much about what you had to do to eat, so you closed your eyes and sunk your teeth in. God, it was so good. You had been starving all day.

You were lucky the sun was setting. You don’t know what you’d do if anyone saw you right now.

“Y/n?” You froze in your crouched position. The voice terrified you. You didn’t want to look up, focusing on the five pairs of shoes just feet away from you. This could not be happening. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing!” You answered quickly, hiding your food behind your back as you stood up. Pursing your lips, mainly to keep your bloody fangs hidden, you looked at your friends. They seemed either concerned or confused. “What, uh, what are you guys doing here?”

“We were coming to get you,” Benny answered. 

“Oh! Well, here I am.” You smiled awkwardly at the group.

“What’s behind your back?” Erica asked, eyeing you suspiciously.

“Nothing.”

“Come on, Y/n. You can tell us.” Sarah stepped forward, trying to coax you into telling them. She stopped herself from taking another step, staring at your face. “Y/n, is that blood?” 

You swiftly used your sleeve to wipe your mouth, trying to get rid of any evidence of what you were doing. But during your panic, you forgot you still had a hold on your food, allowing everyone to see it. They all gasped, looking at you with strange looks.

“Fuck!” You squeaked. You gently set the squirrel down and looked at your friends. “Guys, I know it looks bad. But I-”

“Were you eating that?” Ethan asked.

“Of course, she was eating it. What else do you think she was doing?” Erica asked, rolling her eyes.

“You guys are freaking her out more; look at her!” Benny scolded, and he was right. Tears started to fill your eyes. There was no way you could talk your way out of this situation. You’d have to leave town, and you just got here. Things were going so well, and you messed it all up by not being careful enough.

“Guys!” You didn’t mean to yell, but it felt like you had no control over anything anymore. They all looked at you, startled by your outburst but waiting for you to continue. You took a deep breath to swallow your nerves and tears, but it didn’t help much. “I… I’m not bad, I swear. If I was able to change, I would. But I can’t. If you don’t wanna be friends with me anymore, believe me, I get it. But I’m fucking begging you, don’t tell anyone about this. Please. I don’t know what I’d do if-” Your speech was cut short by shock. Sarah had launched herself at you, taking you in her arms to hug you. Rory and Erica joined her, while Ethan and Benny gave you small smiles. “What are you doing?” You whispered.

“It’s okay, Y/n,” Sarah said, hugging you tighter.

“Yeah, don’t sweat it,” Erica added, rubbing your back. “Everyone gets caught eating an animal at least once.”

“What are you talking about?” You were definitely confused. There was no way they were saying what you thought they were saying. 

Rory grabbed you by the shoulders, taking you out of Sarah’s embrace so you could look at all three of them.

“Welcome to the club, dude!” After an exchange of glances, Sarah, Rory, and Erica grinned at you. But they weren’t normal grins. Their canines were larger and longer, just like yours. It all made sense now. Why they never ate during lunch, or stayed in the shade whenever possible, or sometimes had an orange-yellowish tint to their eye when they seemed a bit more emotional.

Tears kept coming, but your smile mirrored the vampires in front of you, albeit a bit bloodier. You lunged at them, bringing them into another hug. Relief washed over you, and even more when Benny and Ethan joined the group’s embrace.

You were so happy that you didn’t have to hold back from giving your friends affection anymore. Before you were turned, you were very touchy with your friends. Not in a weird way; it was just the way you showed that you loved them. But after getting your fangs, you were more hesitant, the fear of hurting someone you cared about making you reluctant. But now that most of your friends didn’t even have blood for you to sense, you didn’t have to hold back anymore.

“Wait.” You loosened your hold, taking your head off of Sarah’s shoulder to look at the boys. “What are you guys then? Are you just humans?”

“Not exactly.” Ethan smiled, somewhat awkwardly. You were convinced it was the only smile he could make. “I’m a seer. I get visions when I touch things or people.” You nodded before looking at Benny.

“And you?”

“Spellmaster.” Benny held his hand up to your view and magically produced a tissue, using it to wipe away the panic and joy-induced tears. “At your service.”

***

Discovering each others’ supernatural identities brought you closer to the gang. Before Whitechapel, you didn’t know any other vampires except for the one that had turned you. You could finally talk about the stuff that you struggled with without feeling weird about it; the cravings, being wary about making friends because what if they found out or you lost control, being hyper-aware of all the mirror’s in your house so your parents didn’t wonder why you didn’t have a reflection.

But getting closer to the gang meant getting closer to Benny. You quickly learned that that was both a curse and a blessing.

Benny was so sweet, and funny, and caring. Always interested in how you were doing and ensuring you were included in group plans. It was a big plus that he was very pretty as well.

One day in English, you two were reading together for an assignment. Benny turned the page, but wasn’t careful enough. He sliced the tip of his finger, and the scent hit you like a truck. It smelled so good, it scared you. Instead of being concerned, you stared at his wound when he hissed at the pain.

“Sorry.” He said, licking the blood off. You stood from your seat abruptly, running out to the bathroom. You knew Benny would understand, but you still felt bad. 

It was bad enough that you now had a crush on one of your best friends. But smelling his blood, his delicious blood, made Benny seem even more insatiable. 

To fix this little problem of yours, you decided to keep your distance for a while. That would be hard because you were together almost every single day. So you just made minor, subtle changes in your routine. You started sitting on the opposite side of the lunch table from him. When walking somewhere, you walked with anyone besides Benny. At Ethan’s, you’d sit in an armchair by yourself so he couldn’t sit near you.

It hurt you, and you felt terrible, but it was for the best. Besides, how could a mortal be with a vampire?

Tonight was one of those usual nights where Ethan’s parents were out doing something, so he invited you all to watch some movies.

Erica and Sarah nabbed the two armchairs in the living room, so you had to sit on the couch. You could sit on the floor, but you didn’t want to be uncomfortable. You burrowed yourself into one of the corners, wrapped up in a blanket. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Benny eyeing you. He sat down in the middle of the couch, a respectable distance from you but still close. You wanted so badly to be near him.

“Start the movie, Ethan! What are you waiting for?” Rory asked, dropping himself on the couch between you and Benny. The tension, whether real or imaginary, disappeared, and Ethan pressed play. You leaned against Rory, using him as a pillow as you tried to watch. But all you could think about was Benny and the little pout on his lips.

When the movie ended, you unraveled yourself from your blanket cocoon and Rory’s limbs and excused yourself. You went to the bathroom to splash water on your face. Even though vampires didn’t really sleep, you felt so tired.

Face wet, you grabbed a towel to dry yourself off. When you were done, you looked up and became surprised at the lack of reflection in the mirror. No matter how long you’d be a vampire, you’d never get used to that.

“What’s going on with Y/n?” Your ears picked up on Benny’s voice in the living room. 

“What do you mean?” Sarah asked.

“Why is she touchy with you guys?” He sounded sad, and kind of offended.

“That’s just how she is, B. You know that. It’s how she shows she likes you.” Ethan said, sounding done with the conversation that had only just started.

“I like that she’s all cuddly,” Rory said. “She’s really warm for a vampire.”

“Then why isn’t she like that with me?” Benny asked.

“Maybe you did something to piss her off.” You could practically hear the smirk from Erica.

“I don’t think I did.” Benny paused, probably to look back on your interactions with him. But he seemed to come up with nothing. To be fair, he didn’t really do anything. “It’s like she’s avoiding me.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you liked Y/n, Benny.” Sarah laughed at him. Ethan groaned.

“Don’t get me started; he won’t shut up about her.”

“Shut up, E!” Having enough of this conversation, you threw the towel in the hamper and went to the living room. Everyone looked at you as if they had seen a ghost. Pursing your lips, you decided to pretend you didn’t hear anything.

“What did I miss?” You asked, grabbing your blanket.

“Nothing,” Benny answered quickly, cheeks pink. You were about to sit down when Rory moved to your spot. He just smiled up at you, gesturing for you to take the place that he sat in.

The place that would sandwich you between him and Benny. It was better to go along with it than argue, so you reluctantly sat down, wrapping the blanket around you once again. Benny felt stiff beside you, and soon another movie played.

Did Benny actually like you? Your friends talked about it like he did, but it wasn’t necessarily confirmed. His reaction to them talking about his potential feelings for you could have been a tell, but you didn’t want to jump to conclusions.

You became so suddenly aware of Benny beside you. It was like he was trying to keep himself compact, arms close to his body and long legs crossed out in front of you. It seemed like he didn’t want to be near you.

Or maybe he felt like you didn’t want to be near him. You wouldn’t be surprised if he did.

You felt so terrible. All this time, you were telling yourself that the distance was good for the both of you. That he wouldn’t notice, and if he did, he wouldn’t care because it’s not like he liked you in such a way that he’d be sad that you gave him less affection than you gave your other friends. 

Maybe you were overreacting. Maybe you were scared of getting close to Benny, scared of what could happen if you were close to someone you were so infatuated with but also had such a thirst for.

But you supposed it couldn’t hurt to try.

Your movements were small, barely noticeable. Your hand inched its way to his. Eventually, the back of your hands touched. Benny took a deep breath from the contact, glancing down at you. But you kept your eyes on the screen.

Benny’s hand slowly moved over yours, feeling hesitant. He kept moving until, eventually, you were holding hands. It felt nice. You wanted to kick yourself for acting the way you did. Your body fell lightly on his, sides pressed against each other.

You stayed like that the rest of the night. You didn’t want to move away, not wanting to lose the chance of being close to the boy you liked so much after distancing yourself for so long. When the last movie was over, Benny seemed happier than before, a smile decorating his features.

But all good things come to an end. You had to go home, so you let go of Benny’s hand and stood up, throwing the blanket onto Rory, who gladly accepted it.

“Okay, I gotta head out.” Everyone stood up to hug you goodbye, Benny being the last one. You hoped no one noticed that you clung to him longer.

“I can walk you home.” He suggested when you pulled away.

“B, I thought you were sleeping over,” Ethan said, looking at his best friend, confused. Benny waved him off.

“Nah, I got some stuff to do. Besides, I don’t want her walking alone at night.”

“You do know Y/n is a bigger threat than any mugger, right?” Erica asked with a raised brow. Benny just ignored her, looking down at you hopefully.

“What do you say, Y/n?” You should say no. You didn’t want Benny walking home alone this late. But as always, he was being so sweet.

“Sure.” He quickly gathered his things, and with one last goodbye, you were out the door. You mainly walked in silence, but that was broken about halfway through your walk.

“Can I ask you something?” Benny asked, hands stuffed in his jacket pockets.

“You just did.” He laughed sarcastically and nudged you with his shoulder, making you stumble. “Damn, okay. What is it?” Benny blew a loose hair out of his face, looking nervous.

“Why have you been avoiding me?” You stopped walking, shocked by the question. But you should’ve seen this coming. “Come on, Y/n. What did I do?”

You suddenly became overwhelmed with guilt. Benny thought that he had done something wrong when in reality, you were just a coward. 

“You didn’t do anything, Benny.” You said quietly, kicking rocks.

“Then what happened?” Benny grabbed your shoulders, getting you to look at him. “Please, Y/n. It’s like I’m the plague or something to you.”

You mumbled a response, and he didn’t catch onto it. He sighed.

“Y/n, speak up.”

“I like you.” Your voice was weak, and you felt like you wanted to cry. Benny looked taken aback, still holding you by the shoulders.

“What?”

“I like you, Benny. Like, have feelings for you. But I had to stay away from you.”

“Why?” Benny asked, exasperated.

“Because how the fuck can I be around you when I’m busy worrying about whether or not I’m gonna suck your blood?”

Benny stared at you, eyes wide with surprise. That didn’t make any sense to him. According to other vampires, Ethan had even better blood than Benny, and you were just fine around him. 

“It smells so good, Benny.” You said fearfully. “That day you cut your finger, your blood smelled so, so good. And it really scared me, because what if I get too close to you and I lose control? What if I try to hug you or something, and I hurt you? What if-“

Your ramble was cut off by Benny wrapping his arms around you, practically slamming you into his chest. You hugged him close to you, as tight as possible without crushing him.

“You won’t lose control,” Benny said into your hair.

“You don’t know that.”

“Yeah, I do. You’re not hurting me right now.” He was right. You weren’t digging your nails or fangs into him. You were calm.

“But what if-“

“No ‘what if’s.” Benny interrupted you again. “You like me, right?” That seemed like a silly question; you had just confessed that you liked him a few minutes ago.

“Yeah…”

“Great! Because I like you too.” Benny grinned down at you, all bundled up in his arms. “We’ll figure it out. I promise.” There seemed to be no room for argument; deep down, you didn’t even want to argue against it.

“Okay.” You pressed your forehead to his chest. “I’m sorry for basically ignoring you.”

“It’s okay.” Benny kissed the side of your head, rubbing your back. “You were just scared.”

“I’m still sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Benny gently pulled your arms off of him, hand trailing down to interlock with yours. He started to walk, tugging you with him. “Come on, I gotta get you home.”

“I could speed us there.” You suggested. Benny shook his head, smiling down at you.

“Nah. Wanna spend as much time with you as possible.”

[modernsapphicism]

Pancakes for Dinner

inspired by the song of the same name by lizzie mcalpine. a fetchen story as told by karen's letter to gretchen.

warning: light angst, possibly unrequited love

Gretch,

Hey. I know I haven't been in contact for weeks since I came home in India, and I'm really sorry for that. I thought I needed some space after graduation to figure things out for myself for a while especially now that high school is really over.

It kinda sucks, doesn't it? I thought life would be all good after Spring Fling in junior year, but somehow everything became different. Some are good different, others are bad different. Mostly good, though. At least we all graduated, and thanks to everyone, I didn't have to fall back a year to catch up with my grades.

Gretchie, I'm in the airport right now, waiting for my flight back to the US.

Funny how I've been riding airplanes since I was small and it still makes me nervous. I mean, it shouldn't be logical for a machine that heavy to be able to fly, right? It has no feathers like a bird, and its wings doesn't even flap. It just doesn't make sense, Gretch.

I am coming home. I plan to, at least. And I will be there by your side the next thing you know.

But in the rare case that I don't make it home, I want you to know something.

The truth is, all these years being by your side has been the best years of my life.

Sure, there are ups and downs especially when Regina gets cranky and lashes out on us, or when school sucks so hard that it's stressing us out. It was always you who held my hands though it all and made things better.

I love the days when it would just be the two of us hanging out. When we go to the mall and shop for clothes, when we go salons and have our nails done, when we go to festivals and carnivals and try on all the rides that we can go to, and take photos for our scrapbook.

I especially love it even when we're chilling in your house when your parents aren't around, on the couch wearing our pajamas with popcorns and colas in the table in front of us, a cheesy movie playing in the TV. You would always snuggle next to me, hold my hand underneath the blanket, and lay your head on my shoulder. You would fall asleep on the middle of our third movie and I would always be too scared to move, not wanting to wake you up and ruin your peace so I just sit still until the credits roll.

Days when you would sleepover at mine and we would talk and talk about everything and anything until the sun rises. How we would sneak downstairs in the middle of the night and make the kitchen our own little bubble. You would always pretend that the spatulas were microphones and sing random tunes just to keep me company while I cook pancakes for dinner. I would always be in awe of your voice and how you carry yourself when you perform as if you were on a stage, spotlight set on you, and there were only the two of us in the whole world that existed in that very moment.

I know you still love her, Gretch. It shows in the way you look at her and the way you cling to her every word. It has been like that for years but you just don't realize it. You would always say that you were just doing everything because you're a great friend. It's not like that, though. It hasn't been since ninth grade.

I know I was too much of a coward to say something, even now, I'm still scared. I don't want to taint whatever we have right now and risk losing it all. I can't lose you, Gretchen.

I don't want to keep on pretending that seeing you pay attention to someone else doesn't hurt. I don't want to keep on telling you that I'm happy you're with someone else when I'm clearly not.

But you couldn't have known.

Gretch, I don't want to say something, not yet, but I hope by now you probably have an idea what I'm trying to tell you. I can't be too forward in case it all comes crashing down on me and I don't think I can handle this going south, at least not right now.

I'll see you when I see you, and hopefully I'll finally be brave by then.

Always yours,

Karen.

[the-moon-lullaby]

Headcanons : The HSL Boys + Priya Drunk

N/A: So this random but the other day I was talking about MCL with a friend and as summer approaches and plans are being planned (chaotic ones mainly) we started to wonder how the LIs would be like when drunk. So I thought I'd share my opinion on the matter.

* little disclaimer : always drink alcohol with moderation and if you don't drink, don't let others influence you (f*ck them if they make fun of you about that, they're the problem) and if you do drink though, always drink glasses of water between glasses of alcohol (you'll thank yourself the next day)

𝙲𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚎𝚕 :

Emotional drunk

Not every time though, it doesn’t happen that often but when it does ,just give him a compliment or tell him something sad and you just launched the machine

This will be likely followed by this « I love you guys » speech (he’s probably really drunk at this point so his discourse doesn’t make sense but it the least of his concerns right now)

Will never admit it or accept to talk about it the next day (might even pretend that he doesn’t remember it as if it was enough to make everyone forget about it lol)

But when he’s not emotional, he’s actually extrovert ???

Like he talks with everyone and have good laugh with them (my boy has become a social butterfly for the night)

Would accept a cigarette if someone offers him one so PLS STOP HIM (he has to protect his voice come on)

Totally up for karaoke but don’t you dare try to make him sing these commercial songs he always complains about because he certainly won’t and he’ll rant about how they suck

Bonus point : I can picture him ✨slaying✨ a Lady Gaga karaoke. Like he knows the lyrics and even some bit of the choreo (probably won’t do it though, I guess that’s where he draws the line). That would depend on who is around tho (for example if Nathaniel is around, haha no. He’ll never let this guy catch him singing Bad Romance, no matter how drunk)

If he keeps drinking, he might throw up and he’ll try to be slick about it (but everyone knows that when he left in such a hurry, it was because the end was near for him)

He has the worst hangovers. It takes him 3 whole business days to get back on his feet (he has to get over the physical consequences but also the embarrassment. Because, ew, talking about feelings and all when he’s drunk cringes him so bad lol)

𝙻𝚢𝚜𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛 :

Philosophically confused drunk ? 

Literally, anything could become matter to philosophical debates at this point and out of nowhere he’ll just start pondering existence and the meaning of life. 

And he has a lot to say (which is surprising according to the fact that Lysander isn’t really talkative in  general)

Can get anyone captivated because he speaks from the heart and he kinda make a point (he make people rethink their whole life so that can be a bit of a buzzkill as much as it can be fascinating. It’s 50/50)

Honestly, I struggle to imagine Lysander drunk because I don’t think there’s a lot of circumstances where he would be likely to drink a lot. Especially that I don’t think he’s really fond of strong alcohol (like vodka, rum or else) but more of a wine kinda guy. 

(Which is why that if he does get drunk, he’ll get a dreadful hangover the next day because there’s nothing like a wine hangover y’all)

I feel like if he’s not pondering existence, he’ll be just listening at people (you know the people that overshare when drunk, spilling the tea without judgment or just telling their life story, I kinda love these people)

He would be a really good listener and would conclude the conversation by a inspiring quote he just made up (you can’t silence the poet in him)

If you leave him on his own for too long tho, he might get an existential crisis (like « Where is my life leading me ??? What should life be like ?? What’s after life ??? How do you know you’re living and not surviving ???) Yeah, he asks himself a lot of questions and that can be overwhelming (relatable)

If people pressuring to sing, he’ll just be annoyed so don’t. He don’t really like to sing when drunk because he knows that this won’t be his best performance 

Bonus point : I believe he’s the kind of person that can get sleepy from alcohol (add to that the fact that he spends his days working hard) so he’s likely to be one of the first that want to leave the party lol

𝙰𝚛𝚖𝚒𝚗 :

If you’re going to an event or a party where Armin might get drunk, please bring a leash with you

Not but for real, he’s the runner type of drunk 

Totally that friend that’ll randomly disappear in the middle of the party to do some side quests without warning ANYONE

So everyone’s start wondering : WHERE DID HE GO AGAIN ? 

And he’ll come back as if nothing happened with some random items he found on the way (bonus : or some random guy he talked with and now they’re buddies ???)

I said he was a runner but it’s because he likes to be chased. He just finds it fun and it becomes sort of a escaping mission in his mind 

(That’s funny because usually you can’t get him to do anything that requires physical investment lol)

If you guys finally catch him and make him stay in sight he’ll just be super friendly 

He’s kind of get "happy drunk" and everything’s seems so funny 

Alcohol really does cloud his judgment so he’ll get some stupid ideas that sounds to him like genius-like behaviours (it’s not, pls stay on your chair dear)

I feel like if he finds a partner in crime, it’s over, he’s out of control (and that might very well be Nathaniel but I’ll go back to it later)

Would dance (pretty badly)

He really can’t sit still for more than two minutes so it’s better if you keep an eye on him at all time (he’s basically the result of if a 9 year-old was drunk which can be as entertaining as it can get exhausting)

Would ‘strategically throw up’ (you know when some people will make themselves throw up when they feel like they’re going to be sick so that they can keep going)

𝙽𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚎𝚕 :

He doesn’t get drunk often (it is actually pretty rare as he said in UL) and he says that it’s because he doesn’t really like the taste of alcohol

However, that’s only one part of the truth, the other part is that he’s out of control when drunk 

Literally, his brain seem to stop cooperating when he reaches a certain point

Will have no filter about what he says (says anything that comes to his mind and that can be problematic)

Could easily get into fights because of that but also because his patience is very thin when drunk. Not that he’ll be looking for a fight but he won’t take any shit (literally the  "fuck around and find out" meme)

Would talk to people then looses patience and leave in the middle of the conversation (then the person in front of him is just like « ??? »)

He’s a flirt x10. He’s a flirt sober but when he’s drunk it’s even worst because as I said, he has no filter anymore

He just seem horny and he's not even subtle about it (if he's here with his partner, he'll want to go have a “talk” at some point and no, drink some water that's for the best)

(Which I believe that back in UL, may have caused some « problematic black-out get with », another reason why he doesn’t like to drink - self awareness king)

Now, I said that Nathaniel could very much end up being Armin’s partner in crime 

I meant it. It’s just that Nathaniel when drunk just wants to have fun and has no patience, Armin on the other end, can’t stay still more than 2 minutes and just wants to mess around so that kinda of a match

Chaotic duo (the chaos is real, if you thought drunk Armin was hard to manage, you don’t want to imagine drunk Nathaniel by his side)

I can picture them doing shots together even though they hate the taste of it (but just for fun you know)

However, you have to admit that despite the chaos they cause (in the limits of the law ofc. Well, most likely hum hum), they are very entertaining 

𝙺𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚗 :

Clingy drunk. Whether he’s clingy with his girlfriend or his friends, he just can’t help it

It’s not like he’s going to do the emotional speeches and all

It’s more like he’ll randomly hug them. If he’s here with his girl, he always has an arm around her or he’s holding her hand (cute)

If there’s pets where you guys are, you lost him

He’s going to spend the night playing with them (and that way he can avoid talking with the people he doesn’t know, clever)

He would also be the one that want to go on a walk in the middle of the night because why not ? It’s mostly because he wants to get some fresh air (I have the feeling that Kentin wouldn’t feel at his most comfortable in the middle of a party)

He rely on his more extroverted friends to introduce him to other people (because he’d rather don’t to do it on his own)

I think that just like Lysander, Kentin wouldn't really be the type of person to get drunk because he can hardly handle alcohol. Maybe a beer here and there but that’s it. So it got to be a very special occasion for him to get in that state

Would get sleepy from alcohol too

𝙿𝚛𝚒𝚢𝚊 :

She’s the life of the party 

The kind of person that won’t let anyone stay sat for to long and then proceed to drag them to the dance floor 

Also a master at making cocktails and she’ll invent a new recipe by the end of the night with the alcoholic beverages’ leftovers 

(The drink could seem nasty but it’s really good ??? Like how ???)

Would get political if someone brings up the topic

Because you know my girl don’t joke about that 

Really, that could lead to an endless debate about societal issues 

But no matter how drunk she is, she still got that charisma and that eloquence (which I wonder how but I just can’t imagine Priya drunk slurring her words ???) so give it a few moments and she has an audience 

I mean, she could also get an audience while doing karaoke or dancing ‘cause she really has this energy that captivates people 

Great at comforting people who are ‘sad drunk’ or at handling those who are getting out of hand (we can think of the chaotic duo mentioned above)

She knows how to hold her liquor quite well so it’s very rare that she ends up being a mess (queen)

She sounds like so much fun to hang out with honestly 

Priya <3 (we won’t talk about her arc in LL, I am still in denial and I intend to keep gaslighting myself into believing that it never happened)

Hope you guys enjoyed it !

[mins-fins]

EVERYBODY WANTS TO RULE THE WORLD.

synopsis: the one thing taerae would always go by is "it's better to kill than be killed". a selfish motif to hold, yes, but in a world like this, where being selfish is the only way to survive, love isn't an option, love shouldn't be an option, and taerae thought that was that, but he sure did love lying to himself, and it's just so disappointing how things turned out.

pairing: kim taerae x male!reader

genre: dystopian au, fluff, angst, heartbreak, strangers to companions to lovers, happy ending? hell no 👍

warnings: mentions of murder, mentions of suicide, mentions of weaponry, kinda hunger games ripoff, talks of death and the afterlife, mentions of injuries and descriptions of bruises, taerae is so gay it's funny, conflicting feelings

word count: 3.7k

notes: THE BALLAD OF SONGBIRDS AND SNAKES WAS SO GOOD HELLO??? it was so beautifully shot and the movie was so good and the actors all delivered none of them missed they said "were getting that paycheck" and they DID! but anyway, can i tell you how much i love dystopian books how did i not read the hunger games sooner like wtf 🙁 i debated for so long on who to write this for and originally i thought gunwook but then i thought of something i think would be smart to put in the story so taerae it is! i hope you enjoy 👍

anyway and all reblogs are appreciated, please for the love of god if you have feedback, even if it was the smallest of it, so tell me, i love reading reblogs and people's thoughts on my fics, please do not be a silent reader 🙁🙏 this layout was inspired by @taeiun (ily)

104 days before.

the first thing taerae did was suck in a breath.

being stuck in an arena, with hundreds of other people, some of them adults, some of them children, some of them barely able to say goodbye to their families, some of them that had nobody left, all here for one reason, all against their own will.

taerae has been through this once before, when he was fifteen years old. it was traumatizing, he barely made it out alive, let alone made it out a winner. the only things he'd ever heard about it was how you had to run, how you needed to make sure you didn't make any close allies, how you should've been careful with who you trusted.

taerae had to learn that the hard way.

and by the "hard way" that equals almost getting murdered by a grown adult for a piece of jewelry.

but that was six years ago, taerae's now an adult, and at least he's alive, it's better than having to succumb to such a ghastly fate, then slowly being forgotten by everyone else who would then come after him.

now he's back, with a newfound anger for the organizer of this "challenge".

so as he glances around, he sighs.

he glances at the paper in his hand, the one he had just crumpled. he brushes the small amount of hair out of his face, and reopens it, looking at the name that scribbled onto it.

the one thing taerae just happened to forget about these games.

he's stuck by someone's side.

he doesn't bother reading the name, just once again crumbling the paper and sticking it into his sweater pocket. he watches as other people begin scattering, trying to find out who their going to be paired with for these.. games. taerae just stands there, like an idiot, not wanting to move even a bit.

in short, he didn't want to have a partner, not just because of prior traumatic experiences, but because he didn't know how he'd fair during these years games. it was difficult to stomach the feeling of being in the games again, and his heart almost dropped when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

a small yelp just barely escapes his lips, and he jumps back, startled. all random touches have always made him uncomfortable, maybe it's just his unsaid paranoia, but he takes a deep breath, trying his best to calm his fast beating heart.

also because he'd just come in contact with one of the most beautiful men ever..

taerae clears his throat, looking up at his new companion (he doesn't enjoy the word that much, but for this guy, he might just suck it up). his new companion who is absolutely gorgeous, if taerae had to describe him, he'd say the word "enticing" is one of the best words he can use.

taerae has met pretty people, he's met several psychically attractive people, and there's a lot of encounters he's had with said kinds of people. he spends maybe two minutes before snapping out of it, feeling his face go red. "i— i'm sorry, was that rude? i apologize if that was rud—"

his new companion snickers, then full on laughs, shaking his head. "it's alright" he says softly, waving his hand dismissively. his voice is what taerae would think touching a cloud would feel like, it's just so soft, so comfortable to listen to.

taerae quickly pinches himself, he can't believe he's having such thoughts about someone he met like two seconds ago!

"um, kim taerae?"

taerae freezes, then nods. the beautiful stranger stretches out his hand for taerae to take, and he blinks for a moment like an idiot, quickly then taking his hand and shaking it. "l/n y/n, nice to meet you".

"nice to meet you too.."

taerae didn't know that taking that hand had practically sealed his fate.

that in 104 days, he'd be regretting everything he's ever done in his life..

89 days before.

one thing taerae has discovered about y/n is that he enjoys taking risks.

the whole point is that they're supposed to survive (at least one of them is), not try to kill themselves at every single chance.. which is exactly what y/n is trying to do. seriously, taerae never knew that people could ever enjoy jumping off cliffs, or just running into danger.

taerae didn't know having a companion meant having to bust out his ass every time he threatens the next person that tries him.

"seriously, do you enjoy being moments away from death?" he inquires, staring at the scab on y/n's hand, he immediately slaps y/n's hand away the moment he tries to pick at it. he earns a frown, and just rolls his eyes.

"don't do that, it's gross".

taerae's tone is stern, straight to the point, and y/n looks up at him when he stands up, walking off to go get something from his backpack. he narrows his eyes at him, and sighs as he sees the one thing he didn’t want to see.

not the bandages— rubbing alcohol.

"one of these days, the officials are gonna find you somewhere and think i killed you" taerae mindlessly comments, kneeling beside y/n and taking his hand, he considers putting up a fight, but taerae doesn't seem to be taking his shit that day, so he just lets taerae patch up his hand.

"i think that'd just certify you as a legend more than anything".

taerae laughs at the words, although y/n winces because he just happens to apply the alcohol at the same time. "your much of a comedian aren't you?" he inquires, lightly glancing up at y/n, but quickly glancing down as to avoid eye contact with him.

"i try".

taerae can't help the smile that crosses his face, but then his face drops at the realization that he's smiling about y/n. that's enough to make him begin questioning himself.

he shouldn't be smiling over a boy, he shouldn't even be thinking about smiling over a boy.

he was here to survive, not make friends, not fall in love.

but oh what a liar he was.

64 days before.

"what are you doing exactly?"

"it's a surprise".

taerae doesn't know if he can take another one of y/n's 'surprises', mostly because said boy enjoys chasing him around with spiders and, worst of all, snakes. he's smacked y/n so many times for scaring him that it's become much of an instinct in these few weeks.

"i don't know if i can trust any of your surprises anymore, l/n" taerae says, watching as y/n hums to himself. he has absolutely no idea what he's doing, considering his back is turned to him, as if he's trying to hide it from taerae. "what are you doing?"

the inquiry just barely makes it to y/n, who turns around, making sure his hands are hidden away from taerae. "i said, it was a surprise".

"i hope your not about to murder me".

"i would never" y/n smiles ominously, and taerae almost feels a bit.. fearful at the look he receives. he blinks away such thoughts, and simply sighs.

"y/n, seriously—"

taerae pauses, especially when y/n turns around and places something on his head. he goes silent for a moment, but then he sees y/n smile, and he blinks again. "what..?"

"it's a flower crown" he says simply, his hands dropping down to his sides. taerae opens his mouth to say something, but closes it again because he's just shocked at why y/n would do this.

it's just.. such a simple yet sweet act? and with the way y/n was staring at him, how could he not be falling in love with him? taerae's inner conscious is practically screaming at him right now, what happened to love isn't an option? he can't believe what he's thinking right now.

a look of shock quickly spreads over y/n's face and he turns around, clearing his throat. "yeah— uh, sorry" he mutters, and taerae simply smiles, feeling his heart soar in a way it never has before.

"no no it's.. pretty i like it" taerae slowly removes the crown, staring at the kinds of flowers that are littered around the crown. he runs his hands over the crown, and smiles once again, it was just something to cherish; something he would cherish for a long time.

"these are daisies right?"

y/n nods, taerae can tell he feels a little embarrassed, especially with the way he's picking at his nails. "yeah um, i know you like them".

taerae gasps, using this as an opportunity to tease the hell out of y/n. "aww you remembered!?"

"don't start.."

41 days before.

"do you sing?"

taerae looks up at y/n, his eyebrow raising at the inquiry. he tries so hard not to focus on the fact that his wet shirt is practically see through, in fact he tries so hard to ignore everything about y/n, worrying he's going to act impulsively and do stuff he can only think of.

"how'd you know?" no seriously, how did he? taerae mentioned playing the guitar as a one off thing maybe once.. he never mentioned singing before, and even then, the idea of singing being interesting to y/n just makes something go off in his mind..

"intuition" he simply replies, sitting himself down besides taerae. he stares at taerae for what seems like a while, and for some reason, taerae pauses just to stare at him too.

they keep having.. moments like this, where they just sit and stare at each other for unspecified amounts of time. taerae sometimes feels like he's fallen into a trap, that this is exactly what y/n wanted to happen, but those are just the excuses his brain makes to try and erase the feelings he's obviously growing for y/n.

he dislikes feeling like this—

but really, can he stop it?

"can you sing for me?"

"huh?"

taerae blinks, staring at y/n like he just asked an insane kind of question. he wants taerae to sing for him? he opens his mouth to speak, but then closes it, because he has no idea how to respond to that. the question shouldn't be so hard to answer, but for him, it is.

"you— you want me to sing?" he asks, taking in a deep breath. "for you?" he points at y/n, who just snickers, laying down onto the grassy field.

"i mean— you have a nice speaking voice, you must also have a nice singing voice too, right?"

taerae stares at y/n, thinking for a moment, then he turns to his guitar that's lying on the ground and picks it up. "do you have any songs in mind?"

"i was hoping that you would have songs in mind.." y/n immediately replies, and taerae gives him an 'are you serious' look.

"at this point i'm going to end up killing you" he says as a joke, positioning his guitar on his lap. the words make y/n laugh, because he's told that exact joke before, he finds it funny that taerae just repeated it to him.

"at least if i die, i'll die having heard your beautiful voice".

taerae scrunches his nose, lightly slapping y/n in the shoulder. y/n lightly squeaks, rolling ever just the slightest and dramatically clutches his stomach, as if taerae had just sentenced him to death.

"shut up before i change my mind" taerae spits out at him, knowing that was such a lie. he looks down at his hand, which is just caressing the strings of his guitar.

how does one even find themself in such a circumstance?

25 days before.

"where do you think we go when we die?"

the question catches taerae off guard. he notices the way y/n's eyes continue to go down, his eyelids are probably feeling heavy, taerae thinks. he's insanely tired, they both are. besides that, he rubs his eyes and patiently waits for taerae's answer.

"well.. i'm of the belief that there isn't really an afterlife" taerae answers. "i— i feel like, in my opinion, it's more comforting that i just get to die, and that's that, i don't know how i'd feel dying then just.. having to open my eyes again".

y/n's face stays unmoving for a moment, but then he smiles. "when i was younger, my mom told me that when i died, my soul would move on, while my body stayed on earth".

"she was never, you know, specific about it, she said some people go to good places and some people go to bad places after they die, but it all depends on they life they did lead, and the life they could've lead".

y/n doesn't look at taerae, instead resorting to picking at his skin, which taerae notices is a bad habit of his. he scoots closer towards y/n and pushes his hands apart, feeling displeased by the uncanny silence that now washes over them.

"your mom.. she sounds sweet" taerae mumbles, keeping his hands on top of y/n's. he doesn't really realize it, though, because it just feels so natural. y/n doesn't usually talk about things like this, he's the funny, comedic, kind of person, he doesn't talk about serious stuff, it's not his thing.

taerae assumes it's the sleep deprivation, the stress, the idea that he or taerae get could killed at any moment gives him extreme anxiety. yeah he tries to pass it off, but taerae can tell, his overprotective nature isn't outrightly obvious, but you can clearly see it in the bits and pieces of his personality that shine through.

he stops with just leaving his hand on top of y/n's, and begins holding y/n's hand in itself, intertwining their fingers, y/n also intertwines their fingers together, finding comfort in the way taerae decided to hold his hand.

"yeah she was, she.. died while a medic in war".

y/n plays with taerae's fingers, taerae thinks it's because he's afraid he'll cry that he doesn't look up, and he gets it, so he doesn't say more. y/n sighs, his voice barely above a whisper. "i don't—" he pauses for a moment. "i don't want to lose you taerae".

taerae's eyes widen, his mind begins racing, his heart begins beating faster, and he feels himself get warmer, despite the cold air that surrounds them. "you've become important to me, i feel like i need to protect you".

the words hit taerae like something he can't even describe, a heavy sigh escapes his lips as he thinks about, and he tightens his hold on y/n's hand. "it's a two way thing you know" taerae mutters. "don't worry, i won't let anything happen to you".

and for once, taerae wasn't listening to his head.

he was listening to his heart.

10 days before.

"the stars look pretty tonight".

y/n reaches over to grab taerae's hand, and tugs him closer, his eyes focused on the sky. taerae looks over at him, staring like he's the most beautiful person in the world, he's grateful that y/n can't just how much he's staring.

"can you identify the constellations?" he asks, and y/n finally looks back at him, closing his eyes as he lets out a laugh. "what? it's a totally normal question to ask when talking about stars!"

y/n shakes his head, then he looks back up at the sky, pointing. "that, is cassiopeia" he states, and taerae narrows his eyes, tilting his head to get a better look at the sky. "or in other words, the most boring constellation".

"cassiopeia? the most boring?" taerae snickers.

"yeah, scorpion is the most interesting one".

"um, no, it's definitely lyra".

"you wanna bet?"

"oh definitely! you'll lose!"

4 days before.

"are we gonna talk after this?"

the question makes y/n laugh. taerae notices that's how he responds to most questions, by laughing, maybe being by his side for about three months now has made him notice all these little things he barely saw when he first met y/n.

the idea of thinking about the future of.. well— them, scares him in a way.

staring at y/n is enough to instantly make him smile, he doesn't know when he decides to drop his whole act, when he decided to stop being so cold, why y/n is the one person that was able to remove him from the shell he once perfectly secured himself in.

to be honest though, he doesn't mind anymore.

"of course, why would we not?"

"i'm afraid you'd be certified too 'cool' for me once we return" taerae admits rather shyly, looking down at the floor despite the fact that he was laying down. y/n laughs once again, tucking taerae's hair behind his ear.

he pats his lap, and taerae lays his head down onto his lap, sighing. "i don't know, people perceive me in such a certain way that i'm scared you will too.." he says, feeling a little better as y/n runs his fingers through his hair.

"well, i know you a lot better than you think, taerae" y/n says, sounding sure of himself. taerae looks up at him, thinking for a moment, then smiling, then laughing.

"you sure do have a way with your words, y/n".

"thank you".

that was when taerae knew.

he was in love.

so in love.

the day of.

"i have a bad feeling about this".

taerae pauses, watching as y/n packs his stuff. "do you know how far astria is? what if you like.. have an accident on the way there?" taerae didn't mean to sound overly protective, really, he didn't, it just came naturally to him, especially when it came to y/n, and now that it was coming to this.

"it'll be fine, rae, you know i've been through worse".

"it's better to be safe than sorry, y/n".

y/n looks up at taerae, a snicker coming to his face accompanied by a smile. "i thought we talked about this yesterday, if you want me to stay, i can" he reminds taerae, the words pretty much echoing in his mind.

of course i want you to stay! but that would be so selfish of me! in these past three months you've never thought about yourself! it would be selfish of me to want you to stay when all you've done is for me..

"no, it's okay" taerae smiles. "it's alright, if it's for your own good, then you should go".

oh who was he kidding?

taerae hated the idea of y/n having to go, yeah they probably would be reunited in the next 10 hours, but they idea of the person he's been with for the past three months suddenly going off on his own gives so much more anxiety than he thought.

but at the same time, he feels horrible thinking like this.

what has y/n ever done but be selfless? even from the first moment they met, had y/n ever thought about himself? no, he hadn't. he thought about taerae and taerae only, he could've left taerae for dead at any moment, there were so many times where taerae felt— no, he knew that y/n was tired, so tired, but he still supported him.

he hates feeling like he's holding him back, like he's the reason y/n can't do more, like he's the reason he can't fulfill everything he's ever wanted.

"don't think so much" y/n walks up to taerae, placing his hands on his shoulder. he stares at him with so much love, that taerae almost considers crying, but he manages to stop himself from coming to tears. "i'm going to be okay, you know i can't be taken out that easily".

"don't jinx yourself" taerae barely manages to get it out, and he feels his voice break. y/n's face falls, and he caresses taerae's cheek, pressing a kiss onto his forehead.

"there's no need to worry about me, i'll be fine".

he had to confirm it twice, that meant he wasn't going to be fine.

and taerae was right, he wasn't.

he just wished he did more convincing and made y/n stay.

7 days after.

"i'm surprised how someone like you survived on their own".

"hao!"

taerae glances between the people, and he just gives an awkward smile. the smallest one of the group nudges zhang hao, who yelps, punching him in the waist. "don't be mean to taerae, he's obviously traumatized" matthew then turns to taerae, and smiles sympathetically.

taerae hates it.

"no i— i actually had a partner" taerae replies. at the words, both hanbin and matthew perk up. "it was a few months we were together before.. well— i don't know actually".

hanbin makes an 'o' shape with his mouth, his gaze quickly softening. hao narrows his eyes, and matthew is simply silent as he stares at taerae, who quickly zones out as he focuses on the mug in his hands. "we weren't informed you had a partner".

"well, he's dead" taerae states without thinking, his voice sounds dead, it's so empty that it's enough to startle hanbin. matthew opens his mouth, unsure at how to respond to such a stern statement. "sorry, was that rude in some way?"

"no no it wasn't rude!" hanbin says, waving his hands back and forth, he's waving them so much in fact, that hao has to put his hands down to stop him from moving so much. "we were just.. startled that's all".

"uh huh" taerae's face stays the same way it was before, and he plays with the spoon in his mug, not even bothering to take a sip of the now cooled tea. "so what? that's all you wanted to know?"

zhang hao opens his mouth, thinking of what he was going to say next, but then pausing to narrow his eyes and stare at taerae's shirt. there's a daisy pinned right to his shirt, just right out in the open, as if made to be obvious. "you like daisies?" he inquiries, looking up at taerae.

taerae doesn't even need to look down to realize what he's staring at, he just closes his eyes. "yeah" he responds flatly.

"my favorite flower".

[sophiethewitch1]

I'm so glad to see people point out how bad genshin has gotten. we have had 2 (TWO) male characters this whole region. and they just killed off the captain??? I'm PISSED!!! all the female characters suck too. they power creep existing characters and mechanics, their designs are so weird and out of place from genshin, their characters are so shallow etc.

I'm genuinely so surprised to see older players stick around. their hard earned artifacts, weapons, and attention to detail feels like it was ran over by mauvikas motorcycle. let's talk abt muavika, she's an expensive xiangling replacement. usually new archons shake up the game, she doesn't. yea she can fly, so can wanderer, chasca, kinich, etc, she can ride on water, most cryo units can too, and furina and mualani and Mona kinda, she has ok Pyro application, so does Thoma, xiangling, dehya, u get what I'm saying?

THE FANSERVICE OMG. if honkai has hot men, genshin is the other side of the spectrum. mualani has the weakest excuse for clothes, xilonens and citlalis jiggle physics gotcha ogling, chasca is wearing... that... and muavika has a zipper going up her cooch 😭😬 it's not hard to see how sexualixed all of them are.

I find it hard to believe that they can't make any more dudes. both guys we do have look too much like teens. I don't even wanna get into the race problem cuz 😬😬 everything that can be said already has been.

meta has been better, we have a geo kazuha now. yay. everyone else has been a main dps, subdps for nightsoul or a niche support. other than xilonen, I wouldn't pull for anyone else metawise. we desperately needed a better shielder, we got a wonky 5 star Layla. zhongli has been needing a buff desperately, if hoyo thinks he is the ceiling for shield strength. maulani, kinich, and chasca are all main dps, I don't even know what ororon and kachina do.

exploration is fine, there are chests everywhere, maybe to distract the players who find the dragons mechanics to be chunky and annoying. the region really wants you to have natlan characters though, and if you don't, you struggle a bit more. it looks pretty though, the art direction and landscapes are beautiful. plenty screenshots to squeeze in with the 5000000 gb game. I don't wanna get into the story, this ask has gotten wayyy too long

anyways, thanks for coming to my Ted talk. hopefully they do shneznaya justice.

get it

just(ice)

ha ha ha I'm so funni

oh my god you're literally so correct about everything and im so mad about it. like the racial issues first and foremost made me immediately go 'well guess im not spending anymore' which i havent since because the only character like you said thats been interesting at all has been xilonen. she, kachina, and mualani were the only characters in natlan i actually liked the designs of (well other than the captain but hes not even actually from natlan). and even then LIKE BRO MY SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF BRUH!!!!!! like people are like 'oh it makes sense lore wise oh its ancient dragon tech' WELL IT DOESNT FUCKING LOOK LIKE IT!!! WHY DOES MAVUIKA HAVE A YAMAHA!!!! WHY DOES EVEN MY FAV XILONEN HAVE A TURN TABLE LIKE I CANT DO THIS AAAAHH. The exploration and world is amazing because it always is and I saw this poster the other day who fuckin. GRINDED my gears over on reddit who was like 'people hated this regions story?' and then posted a bunch of beautiful natlan screenshots like BRO YOU AND YOUR STRAWMAN ARGUMENTS YOU COME HERE!!!

I think if I personally talk about the fanservice I'll pop a blood vessel. Anon if you have not seen the leaks for 5.4 you are in for a TERRIBLE surprise when they show the next character and I am so so SO sorry for the misery you will endure

Snezhnaya... Give me Dottore. Give me Panatalone. Give me the fucking short old man hoyo or I will start sending thousands of dollars of manure to your offices to be dropped off. God help us all

[bunnygirl678]

Because I need to work on my WIPs and not add another I'm putting this out into the stratosphere, please as always (and literally any concept you see me throw around even if i wrote a fic about it i want more stories) feel free to steal it, draw it, write it, or use it to distract yourself from the pain radiating from the massive cut in your foot that has decided to just bleed all night (oddly specific bunny is not okay) anywhosers

-royalty au

-red is like the sole prince of a small nation, Pallet, his mom is the queen, despite the nation being small , they are increadibly strong thanks to pokemon trainer prince who beats everyone

-rocket nation with king gio had been attacking and waging a full out war but Red's pushed them back, now rocket nation is trying to form alliances, so Red's mom has to the do same thing

-a neighboring nation, Oakland (ha) had always fought with Red's nation over resources or something, but rocket is attacking them so they form an alliance

-and to form an alliance King Samuel sends his grandson Green to be married off

-cause daisy's the oldest so she'll be queen, and honestly the king thinks green is shit at everything so getting rid of him is a weight off his shoulders

-and green is pissed cause he's a strong trainer and had been doing a lot to protect his nation but his grandfather doesn't care

-red and green immediately hate each other but like they're married so they have to be around each other

-and green like snuck his pokemon with him and keeps sneaking away to train and eventually red catches him training and is like hey wait you like pokemon battling

-all the while rocket is forming alliances and planning a sinister take over of pallet then Oakland

-red and green bond over training

-and like all of the nobels and military leaders treat green like he's just arm candy but now Red's like hey wait you actually know stuff and are almost as strong as me

-green starts coming to planning sessions and the elite 4 generals dont take him serious or whatever then red is like okay go battle him

-green kicks their asses and earns their respect

-they do planning and training and all the while red and green are falling for each other but neither will admit it, cause they think the other just sees this as duty or whatever

-finally the battle comes rocket vs. everyone else

-it's going well until green gets hurt, like maybe he and red are joking around on the battlefield some cause it's easy and they're kinda having fun and flirting a bit, but then someone sneaks and stabs green or whatever

-one of the elite 4 take green away to medics and red goes feral (think achilles) he beats giovanni for good

-all of the allies meet up to divvy up rocket's territories, and green is like hanging on by a thread or whatever and his grandfather is like who cares he only exists to further Oakland's control

-red is pissed threatening to wage ware against oakland

-daisy ends up finding out green is hurt and immediately comes to pallet to see him (cause she actually loves her brother) and that calms red down

-red's mom ends up somehow getting oak to step down as king and daisy becomes queen

-green gets better and red's like hey i know you don't love me and were just forced into this by your grandfather so here is this country called Viridian it's yours youre the king now

-and before green can be like wait im in love with you too, red fucks off to mt. silver (cause of course right)

-green is devastated, red is devastated

-the story is over... or is it???

-it isn't obviously, cause bunny has to have her happy ending cause real life sucks ass so fantasy has to be great in the end

-prince gold from johto makes friends with green, hears the story, and how technically green and red are 100% still married

-so he and his merry band of mischief makers (silver, lyra, kris) go on a journey to bring red down

-they make up some story about green being in trouble

-red obviously rushes down the mountain to save green, but like green's just hanging out in his castle bored as hell playing spoons with alakazam or something

-he see's red and rushes to him and they embrace and kiss

-and green's like i can't stand it i'm in love with you and red's like oh shit me too

-then they merge viridian and pallet and have a second more fun wedding where it's happy instead of an arranged thing

-and they live happily ever after

[fairytail-whathesays]

hope this isn't asking for too much, but do you have any headcanons that you could make about a relationship between Natsu, Gajeel and Laxus? always though those three would work together....

Natsu x Gajeel x Laxus, Part 1 of ?

So, a preliminary statement:

We would all like to hope for the ideal throuple i.e. everyone gets together because they're all similarly attracted and into each other, and there's no drama. And we'd also like to imagine that we're above stories of love triangles and envy. But that's not the way this one happens, nor would it be as interesting. We're gonna go at this one mostly from Gajeel's POV.

Gajeel and his attraction to Laxus has been rough enough on its own, okay? My personal headcanon is that Gajeel thought he was straight as recently as when he joined Fairy Tail. Finding out you like men, ideally, shouldn't be so threatening...but Gajeel is a rough-looking hypermasculine punk whose ego is very prominent. And Laxus is an even more rough-looking hypermasculine punk with uhhh rage issues and their first meeting was basically Laxus beating the living shit out of him.

Yeah, that's how we're going with it--Gajeel had to go through the same 'oh god the guy who beat me up is hot' thing that Levy went through, except with added internalized homophobia. Couldn't he like someone less threatening? Have awkward dreams about, I dunno, Gray, or Freed, or Nats--nope, not that one, that'd be awful too.

And luckily for him, Laxus is a loner and also an asshole and also not good at making friends, so at least they're in the same boat. He doesn't have to worry about anyone else having the guts to actually approach his crush. Fuck you mean 'Gajeel doesn't either'? Mind your business.

You get it, it's a source of a lot of stress for him. He feels very awkward and weird about his crush on Laxus and it clashes a lot with who he presents himself as and who he wants to be, and so there's a lot of stress associated with it for him.

It's looking up for him right around the time Laxus rejoins the guild and has to actually interact with people and he's much calmer, which means if he can stop choking over it, Gajeel might can actually make a move.

Which means that by the time he figures out that Natsu is trying to put the moves on his crush, he...basically detonates. Like, he does not handle it well, at all. You've just started to think he might be getting over his vicious rivalry with Salamander and might be calming down when he gets wind of the fact he and Salamander like the same guy. Nope, fuck that, fuck all of that, every last bit of it, Salamander can go suck some other dick.

Of course it's fucking Natsu, right? Dude blew his old guild to smithereens, knocked him unconscious, basically re-homed him to his own guild, consistently outshines and out-competes him for attention, and now he can't even let Gajeel thirst for another man in peace.

So it's a lot of toxic behavior and outward hostility and hair-trigger temper while Gajeel basically tries to simultaneously keep Natsu from pursuing and also deny that he has any sort of feelings for Laxus whatsoever, because that'd be weak as hell, no thank you. Everybody notices and it kinda freaks out onlookers in the guild, who thought Gajeel was over his hyper-aggressive early days.

Of course, poor Laxus, having not one but two machismo-driven idiots who don't know a thing about romance both crushing on him, because you can guarantee Natsu, while he might be more forward with pursuing a crush, is just as clueless as Gajeel. So Laxus, unawares while this is all starting to brew, is basically watching two guys he's actually rather fond of damn near beating each other to death whenever they're in the same room.

It gets bad enough that Laxus has to basically separate them and pin Gajeel to the ground when he starts a fight and Natsu is getting pretty badly hurt. Like he has to pull Gajeel off of Natsu and tells him to his face he's gonna lay down the law himself if he does it again, and demands to know what the fuck is up. Gajeel stays silent.

Of course, Laxus doesn't let that slide. Corners him and drags him off to some isolated location later, so he can wheedle the answers out of Gajeel. It's not like they don't have an understanding between each other, they can trust each other, right? So why's Gajeel being all silent and clammed up. Finally, Gajeel almost spits it:

"Salamander wants you."

Drama, mess, and dysfunction will continue in a part 2~!

[beevean]

The thing about Isaac's "character arc" in the show is: would you really be able to tell that he's changed if he stopped babbling his mouth about it?

Like how different are his actions really? Because if you need your character to spell out repeatedly "I have gone through character development " then chances are that said development doesn't reflect that well on the actual screen

Because apart from no longer wanting to kill Hector...he kinda still mostly acts the same?

Isaac asking how Hector is doing without a finger is unironically the only example of genuine growth he has shown. In the past he wouldn't have given a single shit, he always spoke to Hector and about Hector with disdain and was all "huehuehue we can't be friends because we'll die anyway", so him showing concern unprompted is big for him. (and I want to remind everyone that Lenore, the woman supposedly in love with Hector, did nothing of that. Her only reaction to Hector cutting his finger was disgust and dismay, not worry that he might bleed to death or regret that he had to mutilate himself because of her actions. But tell me more about her character development!)

Isaac certainly changed attitude between S3 and S4. In S3 he was mostly angry and sneering, in S4 he's all zen and content and wise. As I said other times, though, the most substantial change in his character was that he finds "better" reasons to kill people. Before, he killed everyone who was slightly rude to him, because making demons out of them was more convenient than finding another way around, because humans bad or something. Now, he kills people for the sake of "improving" the world, so the magician is fair game because he enslaved a village, Carmilla is fair game because she's insane, and the mercenaries who happened to be in the castle are fair game because they're in the way.

When you think about it, he's still killing people for the sake of "purifying" the world, like he said he wanted to do in S2. Him deciding he wants to build a better world is conceptually not very different from his original plan of wanting to eradicate humanity because only without humanity the world can be full of love. He's just more selective about his victims. And he's doing not for Dracula's sake anymore, but for the sake of himself and feeling good about his actions. He says so! He enjoys feeling like the hand rather than the knife! That's his change! This big character development touted by many as the best of all time is just this dude deciding he wants to do things for himself! Which works, absolutely (insert here Hector's speech about not wanting to be a pawn in Dracula's plan because he's a human being), but I'm not impressed with how it was portrayed here. Because accepting his "change" from someone who would murder people at the drop of a hat to someone who murders for "heroic" reasons, or rather someone who killed out of hatred to someone who focuses on his own happiness and feeling of satisfaction, hinges entirely on you believing Isaac deserves to be happy simply for who he is, because he suffered enough in his childhood, because he's "cool" as this super badass fighter. I don't, he did nothing to earn my sympathies, and the more the story sucks him off at the expense of everyone else who were beaten down out of literary sadism, the less I care about the narrative's favorite receiving yet another prize on a silver platter.

As I said other times, "I want to live." yeah and i'm sure the guards whose corpses you defiled wanted to live too, but you're still using the Night Creatures you made out of them as convenient tools :)

And having the show tell us no less than three times that he has changed is certainly a failure of writing, yes, not to mention a lack of faith in the viewers' intelligence and its own skills to convey a concept. So, business as usual for the show!

[sunflowersandcherryblossoms]

The character everyone gets wrong?

7. What character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how the fandom acts about them?

9. Worst part of canon?

The character everyone gets wrong?

Oh boy... Let me be a bit controversial here, even towards my mutuals, probably:

Kuchiki Byakuya!

Because it's very easy to say "Oh, but only what appears on the Manga is really canon" and ignore that all of it, even the fillers and omakes leave an impression on us...

And Byakuya is seen by the majority of fandom as this cold, stoic, arrogant man and he's just...not?!?

First and foremost Kuchiki Byakuya is so Autistic coded it's not even funny. Some people don't see him as such because people forget autism is a fucking spectrum!

Many people think only about Rain Man and such as a general portrayal of autism on adults.

Byakuya is for me on the high functioning side of the spectrum, but damn it if I don't look at the man and go "He's like me for real!".But then again no one believes I'm autistic either so ... There's that.

Also, he's trained himself to be always in control of his emotions, but if you paid any attention to TBTP, you know deep down inside he's got a short fuse.

He's also a lovable dork who takes things too literally, as issues with social clues, relating to others, hyperfixates on his OC, Wakame Taishi and become hyper protective of his sister the second that switch flicks in his mind that sometimes rules really suck!

Many people don't truly develop his personality beyond the Shinigami and the Head of the Clan and make him bland and boring.

Sure, write your fanfictions with him being stoic and closed off in his professional life and with people that aren't part of his inner circle, but give him a fucking personality in his mire private and intimate moments!

Also, — and this is a pet peeve of mine...— stop writing that man as the dominant person in his relationships!

He's a Captain and a Head of the Clan! Let that man relax and give control over to his partner (I'm taking about Ichigo here... We all know I cannot and will not ship these two with anyone else but eachother...)

Let the man learn how to do things that canon keeps telling us he can't do!

Let him be the opposite of what everyone else expects when he's at home.

Okay... Done with Byakuya.

Now on for question number 7.

Hisana!

Fucking Hisana!

I cried when I saw the episode with Byakuya telling her story to Rukia. I liked her as a plot point.

But man oh man... It's always the fandom, isn't it?

"Oh, she was perfect and they were truly in love with each other..." No.

"You don't understand! She was suffering! That's why she abandoned Rukia!" Listen... I tried taking my emotions out of it and consider culture and history, but I just can't excuse abandoning a baby.

There's a space of a hundred years between Hisana and Rukia dying in the World of the Living and her marriage to Byakuya.

(did I say I was done talking about Byakuya? I lied...)

She lived in Inuzuri for all that time, apparently. We have zero info on what she'd been doing, how they met, but it's kinda implied she either didn't really look for Rukia for years or she's just really bad at tracking down a child that looks exactly like her and becomes knows on their specific Rukon district for being kinda gangster...

"Byakuya should have died because he had no reasons to live for as a widower..."

I'M SORRY... WHAT THE FUCK?

And here's the fucking thorn in my side with her character: She's used as an anchor around Byakuya's feet.

Fandom denies him a life, because apparently you should be faithful forever to a dead person. You should entomb yourself in life and only live to mourn them forever.

No more laughter for you, sir... No more joy... No more love... No nothing.

You're sanctifying a plot device character that has no presence in the actual story of Bleach.

And now.... Drum roll...

Question 9:

The award for Worst Part Of Canon goes to:

The fucking ending!!!

Ichi//hime...

Boxer Chad...

Doctor Uryu...

Translator Ichigo...

Dropout Inoue...

Antichrist Kazui...

And the fucking new Hell Arc...

Like....

Excuse me???

No. Just no...

And let's not forget erasing everyone's character growth in one sweep by showing us that EVERYONE allowed for the new Sokyoku Hill Execution Scaffold to be built...

It's like we walked this path for absolutely nothing!

[roseworth]

Thoughts on Allwinter finale?

well first before i say anything: lili mention!!!!!!!!

i always love lili acknowledgement and shes even supposedly ALIVE here which is exciting. but i also have an issue with that and ill circle back to that in a sec

anyways. i think this book fell into the trap that all the most boring deathstroke stories do, which is that they made slade too good. hes framed as the hero who can be blamed for SOME of the issues, but the Real Bad Guy is someone else, making his family seem irrational for blaming slade for the problems instead of the actual villain. in this story vandal was the evil king and viktor was the person causing all the problems. the issues happened because of slade but he wasnt the one doing it. as ive said many times before, the most interesting thing about deathstroke is that he is a bad person and he knows hes a bad person and everyone around him knows hes a bad person. this story made him more like a misunderstood hero than an actual guy who sucks

and i mean. its an elseworld so i cant complain too much about mischaracterization, and the whole point of the story was that it was leading up to a happy family reunion. and happily family reunion means slade cant be TOO in the wrong and he has to be the hero in the end. so he killed one guy many years ago and thats the extent of what he did "wrong" and. idk. thats just kinda boring to me bc i come to deathstroke comics for messy drama and horrible people so its disappointing to see a story like this where all issues can be fixed in the end so they can all group hug.

but going back to rose specifically.. it pains me to say this but i think the fact that rose was there hurt the story. in terms of the story it was telling it wouldve been better if they just hadnt included her at all. she served basically no narrative purpose, they could've just as easily only had silver banshee as the hired hitman that was kidnapping alec instead of including rose, and the backstory wouldve been a lot cleaner since now we have rose who came from ? somewhere. they dont talk about who rose's mother is except for the fact that its not adeline, though timeline-wise slade and adeline were still supposed to be happily together in this universe when rose was conceived. and now rose hates slade for unspecified reasons that she can easily get over in the end, making her even more flat as a character. not to mention lili is alive according to the last issue, but for some reason wintergreen was the one to raise rose ? and at some point despite rose having been raised by wintergreen and her mother, she decides to become a mercenary so what was the point of wintergreen raising her in the first place. it just seems very odd to me and as happy as i was to see her it seems like the narrative was worse because they included her. though my main problems mostly come from the fact that i was reading the book with rose goggles and i didnt care about anything but her, so the fact that her character wasnt very fleshed out bothered me a lot since she was the whole reason i opened the book at all

but all that being said. if i take the story at face value i thought it was good! its a sweet lil thing if youre not going into it thinking of it as a deathstroke book, and i thought the universe & the conflict was interesting. and if i dont think too hard about rose's inclusion it was pretty well written! nothing spectacular but i thought it was a nice n simple story. its not a great rose book but its a fine book in general i think

[airplanned]

Today I heard someone say they were going to be Zorro for Halloween and I went on an extended rant about the 1998 fictional hero before they stopped me and said “he’s from One Piece.” feeling embarrassed and I will now be paying more attention to your One Piece posts to hopefully avoid this issue in the future.

I got you, bestie!  Here is a Zoro primer just for you!

Zoro was the first person to join Luffy's pirate crew.  (Luffy is a huge goober, but he's going to be King of the Pirates. He kinda sucks people onto his crew by being excited about their deals.) Zoro's the first mate and the strongest fighter after Luffy.

-Three Sword Style.  Zoro carries three katanas.  He defaults to using two kanatas, one in each hand.  This is called "Two Sword Style."  But if he has a difficult opponent, he will take the bandana he wears around his arm and put it on his head (so you know he means business) and pull out the third sword.  This sword he puts in his mouth.  This is called "Three Sword Style."  It is so stupid and so cool at the same time.

(sannuiz)

-Bad ass.  Despite how dumb this is, Zoro will do things and I'll go "Awwwww Yeaaaahhhhhhh!"  One time he one-punched a boat. One time he killed 100 bounty hunters at once.  Dude learned to cut through iron, and then he cut a train in half.  One time he was fighting an octopus who was doing "Six Sword Style," and Zoro did this flying spin thing, landed on the other side, and goes, "Three Sword Style,"  and I went YEAHHHH!  Here is the live action moment, when Zoro takes a drink mid-battle and then throws it at a dude.

During the later half of a story arc, the crew will split up with each person fighting a bad guy or fighting in small groups, and the narrative will bounce around between them.  They'll all start to lose at the same time, and they'll all turn it around and start to win at the same time.  Usually the person with the easiest and silliest battle will turn it around first, so the bad guys are defeated in order of how difficult they are.  This means Zoro always gets the penultimate battle.  He'll have a huge take town of some baddie, and then it'll be like "Woooo!  Only the boss is left!  It's all in Luffy's hands now!" And people will be very confused and wonder why Zoro is Luffy's lacky.

-Dumbass.  Do not be fooled.  This man is a dumbass.  He has big himbo energy.  One time they told him to go North, so went Up and climbed a building and then gloated about how he had climbed higher up the building than anyone else who had accidentally climbed the building. That time he cut that ship in half, he did that because he had accidentally gotten on the wrong ship. In the live action, he tries to sit down in a booth at a restaurant, but he's wearing his three swords and can't sit down and has to go around to the other side to sit on the edge.

-Unbothered king.  Zoro has this cool dude aloofness, like he's a man of few words and doesn't engage in anyone's drama.  This makes it sound like he's too cool.  But it's a fun character trait because it gets pushed really far.  Things happen to Zoro, and he rolls with it.  This means that any of Luffy's dumb ideas, Zoro makes them work.  This means if Chopper (the tiny adorable reindeer) wants to sleep on him all day, Zoro's going to carry around a sleeping reindeer all day.  If some stranger wants to poke his face to make it look like he's smiling, then he's just gonna stand there and get poked in the face.  In the live action, it comes off as that Zoro is quietly entertained by all the nonsense happening around him, and he'll allow it because it's funny, and if things go wrong he can just kill everyone and they can leave.

(Zoro with an octopus that has attached itself to him)

-His main job seems to be Luffy Duty.  This is not making sure Luffy doesn't do dumb stuff.  Instead, it's more tempering what Luffy does and rolling with it when Luffy pulls some shit. 

It's a common thing that the whole crew (except for Luffy) think they're the adult in the room, and (except for Robin) they're all wrong.  So Zoro will say something and his aloofness and seriousness will make it sound like it's rational and everyone will be like, "Yeah okay, that makes sen--WAIT  WHAT?" So it's also Zoro's job to agree with Luffy and therefore get the rest of the crew onboard (because when he says things in his serious way, it tricks people into thinking the plan makes sense).

(burquillos)

-Dream/Tragic Backstory.  When Zoro was a kid, he lived at this katana dojo, and he could handily kick everyone's ass except this one girl who defeated him 2,000 times in a row.  This made Zoro very angry, so he challenged her to a duel with real sword.  She kicked his ass then too, again making Zoro very angry.  Then she said, "You need to quit being mad about this.  In a few years when we both go through puberty, you're going to stronger and taller than me, and I won't be able to beat you.  A girl can beat a boy, but a woman can't beat a man.  Suck it up and wait two years."  Well, Zoro has no time for internalized misogyny and (again) gets mad about this.  She needs to do a better job believing in herself, and he makes an oath that they're going to train together and get stronger together and one day one of them will be the Greatest Swordsman in the World.  BFF!  The live action makes it seem like some time passes here during which they are besties.  The manga is very specific that that night she falls down the stairs and dies.  But Zoro's not going to go back on his oath!  He takes up her sword (sword #3), and is going to be the World's Greatest Swordsman for her.

And just, the speed and devotion and certainty that he throws into his decisions is on display here.  Like he knows Luffy for a few days and is like, "I'm going to quit my job and follow you to the ends of the earth and help you become King of the Pirates and be your first mate," and then he does.  Man does not fuck around.

-Extra random character traits.  He sleeps a lot.  He drinks a lot.  He gets lost a lot, but explains it as other people getting lost or hallways moving.  This means he will often show up in places where he can be helpful, when there's really no reason that he should be there.

[mermaidsirennikita]

since we're on the topic former or current mistresses/lovers also get treated weirdly by those readers

Lol dude.

I personally really dislike "Safety Warnings" or whatever, in reviews... Because like, they don't serve the same (important) purposes as TWs/CWs. They often cover things like... oh no, the hero looked at another woman. And exes are always categorized as "OW" (other woman).

Like??? No??????? That lady was just minding her damn business, lol. And the hero is not inherently a bad person for having been with or loved other people before his partner (and heroines aren't either).

I just find the idea that nobody ever mattered ever before the hero/heroine like... it works in the hands of a skillful author. But a lot of skillful author use this fantasy as a way to make up for poor relationship development betweent he leads. "He's never felt this way about anyone else before, all the other women were nothing, just go with it". The harder (better) thing to write and what should be written whether or not the hero has ever loved before... is the believability of the heroine being the only one who matters NOW. The FUTURE.

I mean, Lorraine Heath is an author who showed that it could be done (I mean, Lorraine also just writes without fear 9 times out of 10). In When the Duke Was Wicked (I know lol but it's an amazing book) Lovingdon has a dead wife that he legit loves. And I'll be real--there are many books I adore that have the "my wife is dead but don't worry she sucked" device, and while that doesn't stop me from loving those books... I found Lovingdon being legitimate devastated by the loss of his wife (and daughter) so much more authentic than "well I actually didn't really vibe with her".

I'm honestly more tolerant of "my dead husband sucked", in historicals at least, because it feels more likely. When it's constantly this "MY DEAD WIFE WAS HORRIBLE AND DIDN'T GET ME"... A good author can make me look past it, but I do find it on the misogynistic side. I guess my default is to go "it makes sense that the guy sucked". And it's not that every woman doesn't suck, lol. But I also think it's the sense of the author placating ME as a woman reader, going "don't worry, the other girl didn't even matter". I don't... care if she mattered. In fact, I'd kinda rather she did--it gives the hero added depth.

But I also think that some what all of these reading behaviors swirl around is the idea of projection as a reader versus reading without projection. I don't think there's a wrong way to read, but I do think that when writers are writing with the intent that the reader will project onto a character (usually a woman reader projecting onto a heroine) they tend to sacrifice quality.

I don't put myself in the heroine's perspective. I can tell you right now--even when it's first person, I don't think of myself in any character's place. It's like watching a movie, but I can read their minds (albeit, without any actors in mind because I also don't do that lol). I do not project. And I personally find that this removal makes it easier for me to enjoy stories with moral quandaries and characters acting the way I would not. Morality doesn't really figure as much into your perspective when you're not picturing what YOU would do or how YOU would react.

So yeah. Tbh, I'm not an overly jealous person re: romantic relationships, and I don't think it's ever bothered me, the idea of my partner's exes, etc. But I know that not everyone feels that way, and I do think that if you feel that way and you're a projection reader, you feel reassured by stories where he's NEVER FELT THAT WAY BEFORE and somehow he's so good at everything but he REALLY DIDN'T EVEN GET AROUND THAT MUCH!!! The other women meant NOTHING!!!!!

I do think that there's a habit that has been encouraged by the industry, by RPfic , etc, of just imagining yourself as the character and thinking about what YOU would want, versus what the characters want. And like, you do you, but where I get annoyed is when the industry and writers feel pressured to respond to these desires and do so, churning out low quality work that doesn't offer anything interesting or challenging.

[azumasoroshi]

guess who just found out about the izaya character song, wonderful days!! woo!!!!!!! time to cry my fucking eyes out

i suck at japanese but here's a transcribed version of a lyrics video on youtube from 2011 which means it's extremely accurate ofc:

Subarashii Hibi (Wonderful Days)

We go our separate ways

Even if we met once in a while, there's nothing to talk about

I want to be with you, but there isn't enough time anyway

Let's go someplace where no one's around

If we took a break

Without noticing, we'd also grow older trying to be young

We became excessively informed in nothing but dark conversations

Both of us, busily sweating

It's a wonderful day, power is overflowing

I'm living, throwing everything away

Since you'll forget me

At the same time, I'll be able to meet you soon

Nostalgic songs and even smiling faces,

I'm living, throwing everything away

Even if I were to remember you

I'd do nothing at that time; (but) sleep, sleep

Morning and evening, sometimes I'll sing while daydreaming

Since you'll forget me, if you were to do that, I'd be able to meet you quite soon

also here's another translation i found (AFTER writing all that down) which is a bit more comprehensible

alright so what the FUCK does this mean lmfao

it's probably post-ketsu where he's reflecting on how ikebukuro will forget him and only when it does will he be able to return?

i think he was trying to sing to ikebukuro as a whole, but some character-specific lines jump out with shizuo/shinra "Let's go someplace where no one's around" is pretty hard to generalize to an entire city's population, probably subconsciously pff

the "though we meet up sometimes" confuses me because afaik he doesn't return to ikebukuro in the light novels and has pretty much cut off contact with everyone, so while he's clearly talking about emotional distance im not sure how he can't also be talking about physical distance :sob: isnt he in russia?? maybe i should actually read the light novels

on the other hand the "we meet up sometimes" could imply that this is NOT in fact post-ketsu which makes things like 10x more interesting because now it really fucking sounds like he's singing to shizuo

(lyric-by-lyric analysis of this song from main story izaya's pov under the cut because im merciful)

the "we meet up sometimes" = their fights, "but there's nothing to talk about" they never have any productive conversations during their chase scenes lmfao

"Let's go somewhere where there's no one else around, when we get a break" is interesting because izaya is pretty frequently alone? like he's always in crowds and outside and stuff but he's never really being "observed" per say

maybe it refers to how shizaya's chase scenes are always outside and heavily reliant on ikebukuro's infrastructure, this being in the view of the general populace, and as such their relationship is pretty public knowledge and has a certain set of unchanging expectations regarding it

and it could be like. what if we met outside of ikebukuro, free from the expectations and rumors of our city? what would i say to you if no one was around to witness it?

god im absolutely coming at this with top-down processing because my shizaya goggles are permanently embedded into my skull im so sorry. like im trying to see things from like oh what if he's talking about namie or shinra or something but it just doesnt make as much sense!!!

"All of a sudden, though we meant to stay young, we've grown older too" could refer to how shizaya's whole chasing thing is kind of?? childish?? like they've been at this for 5 years or something, and it's like. that's not OLD but the way they kind of?? retain their youth around each other most of all despite having the longest history with each other is interesting

"We've recklessly ended up knowledgeable on nothing but gloomy stories" is kinda confusing because that mostly applies to Izaya and like. maybe Mikado but not really anyone else? esp not shizuo since he's kinda. clueless to everything that happens, or at least a lot less involved and only becomes involved when there's violence to be had

in reading the "dark conversations" translation i immediately thought of like. back alleys and shady deals and stuff so i thought it was referring to that, which is still an izaya thing im just not sure who he's referring to in the "we" - guess that one applies to all of ikebukuro because rumors and stuff

late disclaimer i have not watched durarara in 5 years i have no idea what im talking about

"We're so busy with our own things we sweat up a storm" is pretty self explanatory; izaya's always busy ruining people's lives, shizuo's always busy dealing with the annoying shit izaya throws at him (not literally) and sometimes russian assassins and mafia lolis

"What wonderful days! Power overflows" definitely fits main story izaya more than post-ketsu, since he very much enjoys his power over ikebukuro and ruining people's lives, although you could interpret it in kind of a sarcastic way, esp since the song isnt exactly happy overall

the "...and i live having thrown everything away" is likely referring to emotional attachments/the concept of a "normal life", standard pathetic izaya stuff

"You will forget me, so when that happens, I'll be able to come see you right away" takes on a vastly different meaning pre-ketsu because this makes it seem more like izaya's scared of being forgotten - despite living in shinjuku he always comes back to ikebukuro, refuses to let it forget him, definitely refuses to let shizuo forget him and keeps tugging the line of their connection because he knows shizuo will only pay attention to him when he sees izaya and normally won't go out of his way to shinjuku

makes me even sadder thinking about how he finally lets it go the end of ketsu :sob: he finally has to step back and let ikebukuro forget him/let his legacy lie, maybe become a living myth like celty in a way

"the nostalgic song and smiling face both - live having thrown everything away" ughHHHH you confuse me izaya. i dont know what this is about i really dont. it would seem to imply post-ketsu again because there's nothing he's really nostalgic for in the main story, and he never really ditches his constant smile until the very end.

if we were to force a main story interpretation i'd say nostalgia for his high school days, or maybe the days before he started getting involved with the mafia/information broker stuff and it was really just him and his sisters because he's a lonely ass bitch

you could say that he might've not had any true smiles since then? or he's never made anyone smile truly because they're usually either glaring at him or smirking or looking at him in fear/horror or something vaguely antagonistic

"If even so I remember you at that time, I'll do nothing and to go sleep" ?? izaya in denial/purposefully denying himself of companionship? what else is new lmao

"While singing both morning and night, sometimes I absentmindedly consider how you will forget me, so should that happen, I'll be able to come see you right away." cant believe izaya admitted he sings about shizuo at morning and at night and thinks about coming to see him what the fuck

ANALYSIS OVER IM DONE IM FINISHED WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS MAN

not the greatest song ive ever heard (character songs rarely are) he sang so slowly that i barely had to pause to type everything out, but hey ill take any izaya crumbs

now time to scrape up translations of SHIZUO's character song woooo