#and it all started becuase i told my mom i checked if there are any inditex stores near the place i'll live knowing she's a zara fan

[boredkitkulover]

.

[aboutitnot]

you left.

i told you it was taking too much out of me to pretend everything was okay

i left the room.

i slammed the door. hard.

harder than i’ve ever slammed a door.

and you left.

i knew immediately you weren’t coming back.

at least not tonight

and maybe not ever.

i don’t know how i feel.

i felt free

i felt sad

i felt hurt

i felt angry

i felt a weight lift from me

i felt numb

i felt alone

i felt relieved.

i don’t know where you are.

probably some hotel.

you’re probably alone

but i’d believe it easily if you weren’t.

i’m done.

most of all i feel done.

i’m not doing this anymore.

i think i’m going to look into moving out tomorrow.

or something. i don’t know.

i have enough to do

but this is bullshit.

we’re not good.

i’m not doing this emotional rollercoaster anymore.

i’m not going to be around you and cater to you without getting anything.

we’re not okay.

we’re just not.

and i feel like im insane becuase you can just be fine with whatever and not care about what i do and not want to be involved and not talk and

where the fuck was any of this effort when i needed it

where the fuck were you when i was alone and crying and hurting myself because i was so fucking lonely with you

you put in effort now

but for what.

where are we going.

you say all these things but they don’t mean anything because there’s no action to back them up.

don’t get me a beautiful fucking card if you can’t just spend fucking time with me and be there when i need you.

maybe you are finally getting it now.

maybe you are really trying and maybe it might actually mean something.

but i still feel like shit with you.

you still shut down when i want to talk about something i like.

you tune out when i get animated.

you fuck me when i’m black out drunk and couldn’t say no if i wanted to

and you don’t fucking care.

i’m a burden to you.

i always have been.

you like the idea of me. the idea of us.

the story of love that endures

but fuck that.

that’s not what we are.

we’re a story of sunk cost.

we’re fine. we were only ever able to be fine.

not good. not great. not connected.

we just played games and i let you fuck me and that’s all we had.

i tried to be more.

maybe you did too. but i didn’t feel it.

you always let me down.

when i needed you

you were never there.

and maybe you didn’t know how

i was learning too

but the worst part of all of it is the history got in our way.

i can’t forgive all the hurt.

years and years and years and years of hurt.

enduring and giving and pushing and wanting and being let down at every turn.

i wanted more

i wanted something different.

and it’s just too damn bad for the both of us that it took this long and this much hurt for anything to change.

i’m hardened now.

you are too.

i’m done.

i’m not living like this.

something is going to change.

something is going to break.

it already did.

when i realized it wasn’t worth the effort to explain my self to you

when you were angry every time we did something fun.

when you would check out other people around me.

when you couldn’t think of anything to say to me when we were out.

when you said something nice to me only when you were drunk.

when i started shutting down when you were nice because it meant that you were horny.

when i first realized we had an expiration date.

when you made me want to die.

when you made me want to hurt myself.

when you would blow up when i tried to open up to you.

when i told you i wasn’t happy.

when i asked for help and support and got nothing.

when i left and you didn’t stop me.

when you brought my mom into this.

when you took me off the ring.

when you shut me out of my own bedroom.

when you broke the door.

when you punched the wall.

when i broke the wall.

when i thought about divorce and felt so relieved.

when i hated being out with you.

when we fought every time.

when i didn’t cry at our wedding.

when you didn’t help me plan it at all.

when you were mad that day we took our pictures.

when i told you my insecurities and you agreed.

when i realized how much i shut down to let you have me.

when i drank almost everyday for years just to be around you.

when i slammed on the door and said fuck you.

when you were afraid of me.

when i was afraid of you.

but i’ve never been truly afraid of you because i’m a fucking fighter.

i know what i’m worth

and it’s more than this.

i was always worth more than this.

i don’t know that i have regrets

because i believe none of this could have happened any other way.

we were always going to get to this point.

but it sucks.

and i’m tired.

and you’re gone.

and i’m done.

fuck you.

i’m leaving.

tomorrow i’m leaving.

unless.

no.

i’m not doing that anymore.

i’m not hinging what i do on what anyone else does.

tomorrow i’ll figure it out.

i’m so fucking tired of all this.

i’m not happy.

i haven’t been.

i’ve been alone.

i only ever had me.

now i’m angry and broken and alone

and i don’t know what it was all for.

i tried.

i tried. i tried and i tried and i tried

until i just couldn’t anymore.

there’s nothing left to give.

hollow. angry. resentful. hurt. alone.

stronger.

hardened.

free.

[imaginesmai]

Taron Egerton - Hypothetically

This is my first Taron Egerton fic, I hope you like it!! This is for the bunch of people who have been requesting me to do something about Taron. Most of them were anon and requested some alphabets. I don’t think I can do that about him, becuase that’s what I find most difficult.

Plot: you find something that you didn’t mean to in Taron’s tablet, and you wish it had been porn.

It started accidentally. You were working and needed to look something up, but your computer was maxed out running a new program, so you picked up Taron’s tablet which he had left on the table. He had never been particularly previous about keeping his stuff to himself – in fact, he had configured your fingerprints to let you in – so you helped yourself without asking and opened his browser.

A white with golden ornaments webpage greeted you. It took you a while to understand what was it about, because it was early in the morning and because you didn’t read what the website was about. Once you squinted your eyes and looked thoughtfully at the title, you almost passed out.

Taron had been reading about weddings. Specifically, top ten places to have a wedding and impress your girlfriend.  

Eyes widening, you dropped the device on the table with a clatter. Hearing Taron bustling in the small kitchen of your cute vintage aparment, you shoved it back in place awkwardly, and forced your eyes back to your own flickering screen. Suddenly, friction coefficients didn’t seem so important.

“Y/N?”

You jumped out of your skin and turned to see him sticking his head around the door. The sight would have been funny if you weren’t so nervous; he was wearing a hairnet and a glittering apron. He gave you a slightly concerned frown.

“Are you… alright?”

“Yeah! Fine, thanks. Sorry, just… working” you chuckled, pressing random keys on the computer. “I was just concentrating”

“I bet it’s on something really smart” he teased, and you gave him your most real smile. “Sorry for startling you”

“No, it’s okay. Fine. I’m fine!” your voice sounded unnaturally high-pitched even for you.

Taron’s concern didn’t seem to entirely abate, extremely reasonably given your babbling, so he stepped closer and dropped a gentle hand on your shoulder. Despite everything, something about him was always so perfectly solid, comforting and safe that you found yourself breathing almost normally again.

You turned up to him and smiled; not even that forced. Taron liked to get into his characters in the most strange ways, so maybe he had just been looking it up for his new film. You repeated that to yourself at least twenty times in your head, while he massaged your shoulder in a gentle way. There was no way you had just discovered him looking up ideas for your weeding.

“I’m okay, really” you assured him. You gripped his wrist with your hand and gave him a reassuring squeeze. “Just a bit stressed over the project”

“The astrophysics one?”

You had been working on a new project for college for a few months, wanting to be as perfect as possible. It was your last work before graduating on your master, and if everything went well, you would be able to get a real job in a few weeks. Taron had been very helpful on the way, taking care of you when you forgot and being there in every moment.

Nodding, you looked back to the screen.

“It’s almost over, just a few more details”

“You’re gonna do amazing” he bent down and kissed your cheek. “And I’m gonna brag so hard about my physic girlfriend”

Girlfriend. Not wife, or at least not yet. Muttering a quick ‘love you’, Taron turned back to the kitchen; and you gave the forgotten tablet a side glance, checking that it hadn’t been all a dream.

- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Okay, what is with you?” Betty, your best friend, demanded the next day. “I’ve just told you three times what happened last night with Brian, and you still have to give the talk about going back with my ex. And I don’t buy that you suddenly like him. ”

You shook your head and finally looked over your friend. She was visiting you for a few hours, and was updating you from life back at home while you two had coffee in a beautiful café you found when you arrived. Betty lived back home, working in a supermarket, while you had to travel away to be with Taron. So it was a rare occasion, to see both of you together, and you were completely wasting it because you couldn’t stop thinking about the tablet.

You sighed, and tried to remember what she was talking about as you looked down to your coffee. It had a weird shape made on the top – and it wasn’t as if you only though about it, but it looked like a ring to you.

“He’s an asshole, I don’t know why you go out with him. But I love you anyway” you repeated like a mantra. Everytime you met, Betty had gone back to his ex-boyfriend, a boy who didn’t deserve her, so you thought it wouldn’t be very hard to keep the conversation going.

It didn’t go that well.

“I’ve just told you that I’ve blocked him, so I’m gonna assume you haven’t heard an inch of what I’ve said” she rubbed a tired hand over the bridge of her nose, and finally looked at you with a raised brow. “All right, what has he done now?”

You blinked at Betty. It was disingenuous to pretend you didn’t know who ‘he’ was meant to be, but you found her easy perception disconcerting.

“Nothing!” you shook your hand, and sighed, because lying to a spy would be as useful as watering an artificial plant. “Not really – I just, borrowed his table and accidentally saw some of his browsing history.”

Betty’s eyebrows rose higher than you thought possible, and you sighed. She wasn’t the person you wanted to talk about that; actually, you didn’t want to talk about it to anyone. But you had the impression that if you didn’t you would just explode. Before you had time to explain, Betty talked.

“Looking at porn is normal in –“

“Not that!” you interrupted her. “He was reading stuff… about weddings. And I know it’s probably nothing and just some background reading for his new movie – although I thought it was about spies. But I was kinda shocked? And for some reason my brain won’t shut off and keeps thinking about it.”

Betty snorted with laughter and then just kept laughing. You grumbled and turned back to your coffee, blush on your cheeks.

“Your life is turning into the worst sort of romantic comedy” she laughed. “Come on, what did you expect? We’re talking about Taron! The boy asked you to move in the third month of your relationship! What will be the next chapter? Kids? Retirement plans? I bet he has – “

“Shut up” you mumbled.

It was true that your relationship with the actor had been… rushed. You had met him through a mutual friend, and within the first month of talking, he had already invited you on a date. He was perfect in every way you could imagine; attentive, funny, handsome, gentle and affectionate. He always put you first when it came to decisions, and you were sure he would drop everything if he asked you to do so.

Thoughts about Taron plagued your mind and you smiled sheepishly.

“Then ask him” Betty shrugged, taking a sip of her coffee. “If you’re not worried about spoiling the surprise, of course”

“But it has been merely a year!” voicing out your concerns didn’t make you feel any better.

“So? My mom proposed to my dad three months after they started dating”

“Aren’t your parents divorced?”

“And not in talking terms”

You buried your face in your arms and closed your eyes tightly. It seemed, like it wasn’t going to be an easy task. Betty’s phone rang and you didn’t have to look to know it was Brian. You didn’t bother in looking up or saying goodbye, just heard her hurried steps as she left the place to talk to him.

You had more than enough with your problems.

-

You decided to ask him that evening.

You had always prided yourself in being a practical kind of person, and not someone who made assumptions based on guesswork and lack of evidence. Also, you didn’t think you could stand a surprise proposal without fainting on the spot.

Closing the door again, you announced your arrival and received a quick greeting from Taron. Noises could be heard from the kitchen, and a peek look while you took off your jacket let you know that he was cooking. He was wearing again the awful apron, and you salivated just by the smell of the food. Taron had always loved to cook, from impressive breakfast to surprising meals; after your fair share of disappointment and food poisoning, he had become quite talented at that.

You pressed a kiss to his cheek while he moved what seemed pork in the pan, and he answered by dragging you closer and planting a full kiss on your lips while you were serving yourself some water.

You smiled tight, returned the kiss and decided that you were doing it later.

That later, actually, came when dinner was finished.

You were almost falling asleep on his lap after a delicious dinner, dozing off on the film that you were trying to see. You couldn’t focus on what it was about, but rather on how to keep your eyes open to ask him about the weeding. You were laying your head on his thighs, and he had both of hands on you. One of his hands was caressing on your hip, warm and soft against the naked skin, and the other massaging your scalp, occasionally undoing on the knots of your hair. It felt ridiculous to ruin the mood by something that stupid, but you knew he would notice something was off eventually; and he tended to panic.

“So” you started.

Taron stopped moving for a second, before going back to his business. He, unlike you, liked to watch the movies you played on weekends, and got really invested into some of them. Usually, when you interrupted it, he got all mad and playfully banned you from the couch. But he had known you wanted to talk about something all day, from how silent you had been during dinner.

“So, Y/N” he repeated, and you smacked his thigh.

“You know – I borrowed your tabled, this morning?”

He frowned and you could hear the wheels turning in his brain. Taron, as said before, was the most paranoid boy you had ever met; and not in a bad way, because he fully trusted you, but it was true that he tended to think about conclusions before getting the facts.

“Was it porn?” he asked, and you felt like screaming for the second time that day. “Because I don’t think I opened it today. But, you know – we’ve had this conversation before, it’s hard when you –“

“I’m talking about the wedding plans, Taron”

Now, he really stopped moving. You felt him going tense under you, and the only thing he managed to do was to press silent with the remote he was holding. You could probably hear a pin dropping on the street, but in that moment the only thing you heard was Taron’s breathing and your heart beating loudly.

The truth was, Taron didn’t have the heart to make any excuse. He had already thought that it was a bit rushed, because you hadn’t been dating for that long. But recently, one of his friends was getting married, and all the preparations had made him look up some details about… your possible wedding. Just imagining you in the white dress he had seen the last week or in the beach, walking towards him, gave him chills.

“Uh”

Taron tried to say anything that might had excused the tabs on his tablet, and he mentally kicked himself for it not being porn. He could deal with an argument about the inconveniences of it, but not with you saying him ‘no’ already. He hadn’t even meant to ask you yet – he was curious. You were still looking at him, so he gave you a hesitant smile.

“I just see myself with you” he blurted out, much more confident of what he felt. Once he started, he couldn’t stop. “You’re so perfect, and complement me so well. I just – lately I’m always thinking about the future, and in every possibility there is you, with me, married and maybe with some kids. I’m sorry if… I know it’s rushed, and you don’t have to say anything. I just… imagining a future with you makes me keep going. Hypothetically ”

Taron shrugged at the end, as if it hadn’t been the most beautiful thing he had ever told you. He had a tendency to do that, a lot. Even if he was talkative and open on the outside, behind closed doors Taron was a bit shy. From your side vision, someone did something stupid in the film and got murdered.

You shifted so that you were back to your original position, having laid on your back to look at him. You turned your head to the screen and Taron pressed back the volume, and you didn’t miss how he slumped down and sighed.

Truly, you didn’t know what do say. Taron had been what you had always wanted in partner, and in the short amount of time you had been with him, you hadn’t discovered a single thing that made you not like him.

His hands were resting behind you, as if he was afraid to touch you. You reached for one and made him hug your middle until you could play with his fingers on your front.

“Just so you know, hypothetically” you started, fidgeting and looking at the blonde friend who tried to run from the killer in the TV. “I would say yes”

Taron smiled so wide that he thought he could slip his head in two, and finally relaxed into the touch. His hand that wasn’t trapped by you started playing with your hair once more, and the relaxed and happy mood that you enjoyed before was back.

“Well, I love you a lot. And that’s not hypothetically”

“I love you too, moron” you smiled and closed your eyes, ready to finally drift off.

Want to know more about me? Here is my Masterlist! Feedback is always appreciated!!

[griffinsandpeacocks]

The Prince and His Wolf

Phoenix was not one to typically resort to violence. The key word being typically. There was a short list of things that could spark the urge in him though. One being someone hurting his lover, his Prince, Ben Florian. He saw Arie tighten his hold on Ben’s wrist saw the wince and slight flinch from his boyfriend and he saw red. Ben saw his eyes go wide and fill with rage and he held up a hand to him to try and calm him only for Arie to grab his chin to force him to look at him and then suddenly Phoenix was there a fist connecting with Arie’s face as a stream of angry ancient greek is leaving him and Ben is grateful the punch freed him as Arie went to the floor and side away from him. Phoenix moves placing himself between Ben and Arie and he is seething.

“You ever touch Ben like that again and next time it’ll be Shaderoot that connects with your face. Scratch that I see you touch ANYONE like that here and I will gut you!” Phoenix is shouting many students have turned to look and see what’s going on as now it’s more than just loud gibberish to them it’s a language they know, and a voice few people had heard at the current volume. Ben moves and wraps his arms around Phoenix who relaxes but he keeps his eyes trained on Arie glaring daggers at him.

“You still hit like a girl.” Arie says flatly and Ben sees Phoenix’s eyes flash before suddenly he is clutching at air and a large sandy pale wolf with cherry petal pink highlights stands over Arie snarling and Ben acts quick scruffing him and pulling him back though he struggles as Phoenix struggles snarling as he tries to lung back at Arie. 

“Phoenix you can’t rip him to pieces just becuase he was rough with me!” Ben says forcing his voice to be as sure and commanding as he can. Phoenix stops struggling and bares his fangs at Arie and growls a low threatening sound his ears are flattened to his skull and his tail is almost like a board it’s not up nor down, he shows what Ben recognizes as what a beta status wolf would display. 

“Congrats Prince Ben, it seems you have a large attack dog.” Arie sneers at Phoenix who lets out a vicious sound like a snarl and bark and the demi god flinched away standing quickly and backing away even as Ben pet’s Phoenix stroking along his spine and watching the fur spring right back up.

“I have a protective boyfriend. Who really seems to hate you. I’ll let the mess up pass this once. Phoenix won’t be stopped the next time though. I can’t always be around to stop him and I doubt anyone else capable of doing so would bother if you’re the one he bites. Never touch me again, don’t talk to me, leave me and for that matter, Phoenix, alone. Is that understood?” Ben asks calmer outwardly but panicked that his father will do something once he catches wind. Arie glares down at Phoenix and holds up his hands.

“As you wish... Your highness.” Arie says and it’s hissed like a curse as he turns and storms off a quickly forming bruise is blooming on his cheek and Phoenix wishes he’d not just bared his fangs when he’d been inches from the bastard’s throat. He keeps growling a wild fierce anger burns in his chest but once the demigod has long gone and his scent is fading slowly the fur that’s raised over his back and haunches lowers though his growling doesn’t abate he paces in front of Ben head lowered. He can’t look at anyone he just wants to run through the woods until the anger stops burning his chest like a blazing inferno. 

“Phoenix.” It’s the King someone had fetched him. Phoenix froze mid step and stops growling. He sits at Ben’s side and looks at the King as he takes back his human appearance and keeps his eyes down.

“Dad, I-” “Don’t start Ben. I heard he only lashed out to protect you. I’m not here to punish him. Only remind him he should meter his responses. I heard you punched a demi-god. Not that you’d taken on a wolf form to scare them and everyone else that saw it.” Adam says and Phoenix sighs and looks up at the King he is angry still can feel it can tell Adam sees it by the mild surprise on his face. After all Phoenix had never felt this angry since he’d lived in Auradon.

“If I’m to be honest, your majesty, I only shifted form when he had the gall to sass me when I told him to mind his manners. I didn’t want to scare anyone else just remind...” Phoenix clears his throat to stop himself from swearing “Him I can in fact hurt him. That and he should mind not to hurt those weaker than him.” He explains feeling twitchy and he wants to go into the forest. It’s wild there there’s small rabbits he can chase down or maybe even a deer. He needed to do something with this burning rage. Arie dared lay hands on Ben and all he wants to do is rip the demi-god into pieces to scatter to the winds. 

“Ben?” Adam asks and Ben smiles to cover up everything that had gone wrong. 

“I misread a situation and he made an advance and when I back peddled he grabbed me and Phoenix intervened. He was just protecting me.” He says and Adam looks closely at Ben wondering if he doesn’t have the full picture he looks at Phoenix and then at Lumiere who had fetched him when he had heard Phoenix raise his voice initially. He had heard a death threat and gone for Hades but found Adam first. 

“Mon Roi, I think it best to leave them be. It looks like Phoenix was just acting in the best interest of Ben.” Lumiere says and Adam sighs looking back to Ben who smiles wider looking hopeful and Adam caves he growls and Phoenix bares his teeth a bit in a wince as he fights the urge to growl back. When Adam leaves Phoenix looks at Ben. He is still feeling on edge he gently takes Ben’s hand and pushed back the sleeve to peer at his wrist and rubs it looking up to check if Ben will wince and reveal any pains. 

“I might bruise but it’s not sprained if you’re checking for that.” Ben says softly and he wraps his arms around the godling when he rests his head against him.

“Phoenix, I heard you’re little outburst in greek... Please next time get me or another adult. I don’t want you to get in trouble becuase of that piece of trash.” Lumiere says patting his shoulder as he walks away. He tosses a reminder to Ben over his shoulder he had a fitting for a new suit and he shouldn’t be later for it.

“I’ll be out for a run, you go ahead and get fitted, love.” Phoenix says softly smiling at Ben though it is a fait and weak one it is an attempt Ben appreciates. Phoenix walks out past people that clear away from him and he ignores it and once he’s past the trees he lunged forward and shifts to run wild. He doesn’t howl he just dashes out until the smells of civilization are distant and faint. He catches the scent of someone and follows it deciding to distract himself as it’s odd a person ventures this far out into the forest. He recognizes the smell once he’s closer he trots after them.

“Altia, what has you out here? Practicing some hunting to keep those skills sharp?” He asks shifting as he gets close to Altia, Artimis’ daughter, well adopted daughter, another demi-god. She looks at him unimpressed a rabbit skinned gutted and prepped to cook and a small fire in a carefully dug pit starting to burn. 

“Aye... I wanted to make sure I don’t get rusty, Mom would throw a fit.” Phoenix nods and sits by her. She radiates a calmness he needs right now.

“My twin brother’s pissed you off has he?” She asks keeping focused on her task and he nods not looking at her. She and Arie look nearly identical. The only difference is she had their mother’s eyes, a cool bright green like summer leaves. Arie looked like a mini Apollo. Blond, blue eyed, and arrogant to a fault. Altia refused to acknowledge her association with Apollo instead asking Artemis to train her to be a huntress under her wing. Artemis had accepted merely to annoy Apollo.

“He grabbed Ben who I saw wince and I saw red. Only time I think I’ll willingly get near him.” He says softly in anger as he takes some small dry twigs near them and carefully adds them to the flame. He sees Altia out the corner of his eyes take a second rabbit from a side pouch and butcher it as he builds up the fire.

“He’s got a knack for making you crack, I’ll give him that; though really he should know better after the last time. I’m shocked he isn’t dead.” She notes and Phoenix sighs. He doesn’t like the idea but Arie set him into a dark place in his mind and it could get him killed one day if he kept poking at it. Or perhaps Phoenix himself should just learn better control.

“He owes that fact to Ben. He pulled me back off Arie before I got the idea in my head to snap my fangs on his throat.” Phoenix sighs and he lays back watching clouds roll by as Altia cooks them some rabbit. After that they discuss some of the classes they’re taking and Phoenix enjoys helping her through some of the math she is struggling on. 

They eventually come back and Phoenix watches as Arie gives him a wide birth and he paused to give the demi god a cold stare and watch him skirt the area. As angry as Phoenix is faintly that old fear is rearing it’s head. Currently he’s too angry to really flinch back. He goes back to Ben and smiles as the Prince jumps up from bed having been reading.

“How was your run?” Ben asks as he kisses the godling and Phoenix smiles. Ben being so affectionate was always nice and calming.

“Met Altia out in the woods, we sat and chatted and I helped her with some math examples. We came back a bit ago. I’ve calmed down. I won’t go looking for Arie. Though I wasn’t joking Ben.” Phoenix says suddenly his face looks serious and solemn and Ben realizes his boyfriend can look startlingly alike to Hades.

“About?” Ben asks cocking his head curious and Phoenix looks down and sighs. Ben preferred to go for nonviolence. The greek gods tended to only do violent.

“I could hurt or kill Arie. I am a full blooded god intentionally or not I could hurt him easily becuase I wasn’t watching the strength behind a blow. I’d like your help in getting it arranged so I can either go to a different class than him or at least the teachers keep us away from one another.” Phoenix asks and Ben nods and the afternoon is spent asking teachers if it be possible to swap Phoenix’s classes so he and Arie are not together in them or if that isn’t possible for him and Arie to not be near each other. After all if all they could do was make sure exposure was low at least they had done what they could to prevent an altercation.

[diabeticgf]

ok imma get kinda dark in just a sec so feel free to ignore this post entirely. 3, 2, 1 ok...

so i was just laying in bed and thinking about my old history of self harm and i genuinely scared myself for a moment. unlike an old close friend of mine, it was never with sharp objects but with my insulin. i was diagnosed at 14 and was a freshman in high school so you already have the weird hormones and unstable thought processes that come with being that cursed age and not to mention it was the year i had my sexual awakening and discovered i was bisexual after my almost kiss with my then boyfriend’s ex girlfriend. that caused a lot more stress on me since i live in the heart of the south and my family has positions and reputations in the church so they Would Not Approve™ of me and would say i’m going to hell yadda yadda

so that year when i discovered i was type one diabetic and after my whole life of always being the healthy child of the family (i almost never got sick and i bounced back like a bouncy ball when i did) and having my health plummet down so rapidly was such a shock to me emotionally, physically, and mentally. my numbers got so out of hand that i was constantly feeling nauseous and had constant migraines. i went to a magnet school so i had to keep up with lots of loaded school work and after finishing that year out and starting my sophomore year things got worse

after a particularly bad day where my number kept dropping down into the lows more than five times at school my mom came and took me home where it continued and i ended up in the emergency room. they messed with my number ratios and after that is when things got even worse. there were entire weeks i couldn’t stay in school for more than a few days and not have to check out because of how terrible i would be feeling. my numbers ran constantly high and never wanted to come down and when they did they would shoot down so quickly and i would feel faint. something the headaches from the highs got so bad that i got double vision for a few seconds.

i even had a teacher that humiliated me in front of the class by saying i wasn’t cut out for the class. all becuase my blood sugar was over 400 and the school nurses told me that i shouldn’t take the quiz he was handing out becuase my mind didn’t work properly when i was that high for more than a few hours (it was even in my disability accommodations). i was so embarrassed that i left the classroom and called my mom in tears to take me home because i couldn’t face my classmates after that

once when my bg was high for a long time i got very very dazed and went to my science class instead of spanish and apparently my eyes and demeanor were unfocused and foggy enough that my science teacher silently followed me to my correct class bc he was worried and then had the other teacher send me to the nurse to send home. mom was nervous and at my next check up told the doctor and he thought i was having seizures and i ended up having to test for that and wearing an edm (i think that’s what it was called) for a few days to check my brain. turns out i wasn’t, it was just the unstable a1c fucking w me

so after all that i feel like shit becuase i feel like a burden to those around me and i can’t keep up in school and my mom eventually takes me out of the public schooling system to homeschool me by giving me work to do while she was at work. i was now separated from my only friends and i was left alone in the house all day to entertain my fucked up thoughts of how easy it would be to stop it all bc it would take just a small amount of insulin to do that

and at this point i actively sought to make myself feel worse becuase my self worth was down to 0% at this point. i would mess with my injections and would make myself purposefully go high or low to match my headspace at that time whenever i got pissed at myself and believed i deserved it and i remember one of these times ended with me in the emergency room again

eventually my numbers started to even themselves out on their own as i got older and got a dexcom to help myself keep track that i started to feel a bit better physically, and by extension, a bit better mentally as well and i eventually stopped messing with my dosages as a form of self destruction. i don’t really remember much about my thought process for that decision but i’m glad i did

so yeah it’s been five years and i’ve adjusted to life with it a bit better. i now also use an omnipod which i adore and have come to terms with myself as a person more as i got older which also helped. not saying i’m satisfied with my disease at all but it’s now something that i have more control over now and more experience with than i did then

sorry for subjecting you all to my stream of conscious thoughts that i’m having at like five thirty in the morning on no sleep that i refuse to edit. if you actually read all this brain rot thanks for not blocking me instantly for getting kinda twisted here. it’s just that this disease is very draining on me emotionally, physically, and mentally. still is but my coping mechanisms are better now i think

if any of y’all struggle with similar situations feel free to leave a message. all us type one diabetics have to stick together since there isn’t a whole lot of us and we’re largely ignored by the medical community so we best not ignore each other and all that

anyway enough with that sappy nonsense, my bg is high and i’m dying for some water and sleep so good night 💤💙🥱

[agentalsoul]

Kronos

This is a story that comes from my mom becuase it happened when I was only three years old. We were almost all the way moved into our new house and mom was putting her and dad's closet together. Me and my baby brother were sitting on the closet floor with the toys she had given us. At some point I had looked in the shoe boxes and decided to suck on the little patches they contained. When my mom turned to check on us, she paniced. She didn't know if I had done this to any others and they say don't eat on the paper. She hurried to call 911 and they started to send an ambulence, but a minute later the operater told her that they weten't poisonous. They just told her that I may get sick becuase it wasn't food, but I'd be fine.

[strawberryspeachy]

Im really dreading my employers coming to harrass me at school next week

Mostly because theyre inturrpting my favorite classes (the ones im in with the teacher i like) meaning i cant talk to him to and from class and chill. Theyre gonna talk to me ABOUT POINTLESS SHIT

And also

Having the meetings afterwards *eye roll**

Ok not to sound like a know it all. But i know when i dont know how to do shit and i ask for help. And i know when i do stuff badly. So having to head people reiterate shit at me is annoying as fuck

Legit. Its not that i cant take critisism. I ask for it when im learning shit

But the only time people actually give you feedback is when you dont need it

To me it always feels like i just ran a race and i tripped at some point during the race. And afterwards someone has come up to me and said “you ran well, until you tripped” like ooh cool thanks for your input - i didnt notice when i fell down, thanks for clearing that up for me.

Im a much bigger fan of people who say - how do you think you did? So that i can tell them that im well aware of where my issues lay.

It seriously makes me want to scream thinking about sitting down and having to smile and thank people while they tell me pointless bullshit i already know

Also theyre gonna nag the teacher about me and 1) if im gonna annoy him. I wanna do it personally since he doesnt like that bsing either. And i hate being the reason he has to deal with it

2) dont give him a reason to bring up the fact that i said i like him so i can get scolded for developing feelings for someone i work with. Cause these people are so damn naggy and while they dont background check the people they hire or acces them before sending them to work with children. They wanna know any possible tiny annoyance the other teachers may possibly have that the teachers never even thought about until being interrogated

Its like when i was a kid clipping my cow and my great grandmother came over and started nagging me. Everytime she talked i had yo turn the clippers off and stop because they were loud. And everytime i started again shed talk again. Asking me did i feed the animals? Did i give them water? Did i give them hay? When did i wash my cow? Are the rest clipped? Do i have my show clothes? Jusr bs petty things that wete second nature to me at the point and thus super annoying that she was asking. And i had to keep being like

“:) yes mommom? What is it? :)) yeah yeah of course! :)”

And the last time i was about to pop a blood vessel when she started talking. I stopped again. And looked at her. She repeated “you missed this spot” (i had just begun to clip my cow but tired i looked at the spot she was pointing at. - walking around my cow to do so) i looked at her and said “i havent clipped that side yet”

Her responce? “I just didnt want you to forget”

I stared back at her. My eyes screaming. This woman has just implied... that im... going to FORGET an ENTIRE HALF of a COW

I couldnt say thanks. I think i remember this day so prominently becuase it was the first time i couldnt fake with that woman.

I took a deep breathe and told her im going to go give the goats more water. Instead i went to the pay phone (cause im acient) and called my mom to complain to her about what had just happened and that she needed to get to the fair soon before i bash my head into a wall

[ih4x67ge-blog]

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[rainbowglittr]

Love and Marriage - Ch 2 -

(Mature (no this chapter) - Minors DNI)

Chapter 2:

Once we got to Jesse's parents house, we grabbed the two bottles of wine and hurried to the door. Jesse rang the doorbell.

His father, Marcus opened the door.

"Took you long enough! Come in, how are you Jaleia?" I gave his dad a hug as we stepped into the house.

"I'm doing okay. How was your trip? Jess didn't drive you crazy did he?"

"Eh, he was Aight. You know." He said jokingly.

"What am I chopped liver dad?" Jesse said as he handed the wine off to his dad.

"Hey Jess, you're very pretty, how's that? Come on Jaleia, get something to eat, everyone is in the dining room."

"I swear he loves you more than me." Jesse said, skating his head.

"It makes up for your mother hating me." I replied.

We followed his dad into the dining room where everyone was seated. Jesse's sister Ciara and her husband Xavier, his brother Shaun and his wife Melissa, and his little sister Diana. Everyone was talking and laughing and joking around.

"Look who finally made it!" Jesse's dad yelled to everyone. Everyone greeted us as we got to our seats. Jesse pulled the chair out for me to sit.

"Gee I wish someone would do that for me." Said Melissa, staring at Shaun.

"Bruh, quit being all polite and shit! You're making some of us look bad!" Shaun said to Jesse.

"You give me too much credit! It didn't take me to make you look like shit!" Jesse teased.

We made our plates, and joined the conversation. To my left was Melissa and Shaun, Jesse, who was on my right was sitting next to his dad.

"I just wanted to say," Jesse's Dad said, pausing as we got quiet, "Thank you all for coming out. I'm thankful to see you all and to get to spend time with all my kids. And I mean all, so I include you Jaleia, Melissa, and Xavier. Thank you all for such a great trip. I love you all, and I mean that. I want you all to remain close with each other no matter what. Nothing makes this old man happier than seeing all his kids together, laughing and enjoying each other's company. Now who's ready for dessert?"

We all cheered as Jesse's mom brought out a pan of peach cobbler, with some vanilla ice cream. We took turns passing around the dish, when it got to me Jesse's mom said "Are you sure you need to be eating that? You've been looking a little pudgy lately. "

I glared at her. Jesse put his hand on my knee.

"Please let it go." He whispered in my ear.

"Fine." I said as I passed him the dish. Becuase Jesse and I knew each other as kids, it surprised me when I met his mom as his girlfriend. When we were kids, I had no problems with her but as an adult? When I say that woman has NEVER liked me, I mean that woman has NEVER liked me. It only got worse when we got engaged, she didn't think that Jesse was serious about me until she saw that ring.

Once we finished dessert we all moved to the living room. We played couples Charades at first, but it got entirely too competitive. Jesse and Shaun started arguing over the rules and killed the game. When they play on the same team it's fine but separately? It gets wild.

"Hey Jay!" I turned to find the voice it was Jesse's little sister Diana. She was 16 now and sometimes I couldn't believe that she was the same little girl who loved princesses and dressing up. She looked like Jesse, with the most beautiful dark brown skin and long box braids. I've known her for so long it feels like she's my actual little sister.

"Hey D, what's good?" I said as I hugged her.

"I'm okay."

"You bored yet?"

"Yeah, I'm tired and I have school tomorrow."

"Sorry D, but you know black people never shut up. We could literally talk for hours. You got snapchat?" I asked.

"Yeah, why?" She asked, swiping through her phone.

"Why you think, I wanna take some selfies, come here!" Everyone had abandoned the game. We took a bunch a silly selfies, and walked around the room taking pictures of everyone with stupid filters. Eventually her mom told her to go to bed. I realized that during my impromptu photoshoot I lost Jesse. I started looking for him in Kitchen, when I accidentally bumped into his mom.

"My bad, sorry." I said moving out the way.

"You're damn right it's your bad. You're so damn clueless, so there anything floating in that big head of yours?" She sneered.

I sighed, "Why do you hate me? I have literally done nothing to you, Aiesha. "

"I don't hate you, I just think my son could've done SO much better." It's comments like that, that make me make to slap her. But I've learned that with her if you react it only get worse.

"Whatever, have you seen Jess?"

"Yeah he's in the back with Marcus. Don't bother them, tramp." She said the last part under her breath. I rolled my eyes and walked out.

As I walked into the living room, Ciara grabbed my arm.

"Girl, where are you going? I haven't seen you in forever!" I hugged her. I could tell she was slightly tipsy. I loved her, she was like having another older sister. She always kept her siblings in check, kept it real, and gave the best advice.

"When are we having lunch?" I asked.

"I don't know, I'm so busy this week but maybe if you don't mind the little rugrats hanging around we can make something work." She called her two kids rugrats, like the TV show. They were adorable, little Brian and Tiana.

"Of course I don't mind having my niece and nephew spend some time with me, but their mother....I don't know about that one."

"Shut up! How's everything going with you and Jess?"

"We're good, boring really. All we do is work, home, work, home!"

"Is he giving it to you right?" She asked raising her eyebrows.

"Your disgusting, I'm not answering that." I laughed, she loved teasing me. Even more than she loved to embarrass and tease Jesse. He gets so worked up, it's adorable.

"I'm just saying. Now when will I get a niece or nephew? You know Shaun and Mel aren't going to have kids." She gestured to where Shaun and Melissa where. They did not want kids under any circumstances. They made that extremely clear one time when Jesse's mom kept asking for grandkids.

"Sometime soon I hope, I don't know."

"You're going to make such a good mommy. I can just feel it. But I think it's time for this mommy to go home. I'll see you Jay, text me!" I gave her one last hug before she left. I still didn't see Jesse so I moved to where Mel was. I wasn't the closest to her, I liked her, I'm sure she like me but we just didn't click. Plus she was Aiesha's favorite and Aiesha always made sure to rub it in my face. Mel was on her phone but she looked up just as I walked over.

"My husband is being immature and pranking yours. I told him not to but you know Shaun. "

"Well Jess had it coming after sending that Candy gram to Shaun a couple week ago. Should I be warned or just enjoy the suprise."

She pulled her long blonde hair into a ponytail.

"I'll let you enjoy the surprise. So-"

"Mel, you look so stunning! I just love that dress, I swear you have the perfect body. "

Aiesha said.

"Thanks but look at you, you still got it."

"Oh stop! Girl, let me show you this skirt I got for you, you have the perfect shape for it. Someone scrawny like Jaleia, you know no ass, can't fit it but you. Let me show you." Aiesha grabbed Mel's arm. Mel looked over her shoulder and mouthed 'sorry' as she was lead upstairs. I sighed and started looking for Jesse, it was almost midnight and we both had to go to work tomorrow. I got our jackets and checked for him outside. Sure enough he was out there by our car but soaked in some sort of liquid. I guess Shaun had gotten him back.

"I'm ready to go home Jess."

"Okay, Can you believe Shaun just-"

"What is that? It stinks."

"It's slimy."

"Ew, ew, ew. Get that off before you get in the car. Where's your dad, I want to say good night. "

"In the backyard, you're not going to help me?"

"I was, but, it stinks so no. Good luck though." I said backing away from him as he tried to get closer to me.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"That was fun babe." I said as I climbed into bed later that night.

"You actually enjoyed it?" Jesse said as he pulled me into his body.

"I love your family, just not yo mama." I said putting my head on his chest.

"I love you."

"Love you too."

[kcookendrick]

All I Want Is You

Who: Adam Levine and Anna Kendrick (anam) 

Location: Annas house in LA 

Date: May 8th 2018 

Summary: Anna gets jealous that Adam went for a walk with Behati and Dusty that morning which led them to a fight but now shes stressed about other things and they have a talk.   

@hfamelevine

Anna: Anna felt like she couldn't breathe, she was fucking everything up and she knew it too. Fighting with Adam wasn't her favorite thing to do, and it was always mostly her fault but all she needed was for him to hold her in his arms and tell her that it was all going to be okay. With her mom gone for the day on a shopping spree, Anna sat in her living room holding her knees to her chest getting lost in her thoughts while staring into space. Waiting for him to get here, Anna tried not to fall asleep.

Adam: Their argument this morning was one that Adam didn't want to deal with anymore. Sure, he may have been out of line a little bit for the way that he acted last night, but now, their fight had carried over to today and his mood was affected and was sure to be affected while he was at work for The Voice later on that night. They were supposed to be leaving for Mexico the following night after bringing her mom to the airport to go back home to Maine, but because things had been strained between the both of them once again, he had no idea if they were even still leaving early to have time to themselves before Brie and Tom's wedding. With his second coffee in his hand along with a coffee for her, he made his way to Anna's place, although he was still asking himself why he had been going there this morning anyway. Once he got there with the okay to come inside, he closed the door behind him and walked into the living room, putting his coffee down on the couch before handing Anna hers. "If you wanted to sleep I wouldn't have come." He says.

Anna: Everything was falling apart, and Anna was on the verge of another breakdown. Listening to the few voicemails from Ben right before Adam getting here wasn't a god idea, fighting with Aubrey over the phone was pissing her off and Anna just wanted to get back to work so she didn't have to deal with anything but focus on her movie. As he handed her the coffee, Anna kissed him softly and sighed "Hi to you too" She said quietly, and took a sip

Adam: "Hi," He says. After handing her the coffee, he turns back to the table where his was sat. Picking it up, he takes a sip from it, and then follows it quickly with another. A few seconds passed without saying much, and he finally sits beside her on the couch, taking another sip from his cup of coffee before putting it back down on the table.

Anna: With her knees still up to her chest, Anna held her coffe with both hands as it was still warm. Taking a breath, she took a sip and watched Adam take a few sip of his and then sighed. She hated silence, and she hated when people were short with her. Anna looked at him, and then looked down at then looked at him again "How's Dusty?" Anna asked

Adam: "Fine," He hated this, he hated giving her these one worded answers, but their argument had stemmed from the fact that he had spent time with Behati yesterday with Dusty, so he didn't want to say anything else that could further spur on another argument between the two of them. He did though, look at her when she looked at him.

Anna: All Anna could do right now was nod, chewing on her lips her stomach started to growl and she then swallowed hard. Looking down at her floor, Anna wished her mom was here to interrupt. "I'm sorry." Anna said quietly, those words were something she was getting very used to saying and it bothered her.

Adam: He stared at her until those words came out of her mouth, but once they did, he looked away. He looks down at his lap, clearing his throat and then shaking his head. "Where's your mom?”

Anna: Anna furrowed her eyebrows and looked at him, then shook her head and took a breath "She went shopping. Wanted to get some things for my dad." Anna said, and then looked at him while sighing.

Adam: "Hm," He makes a noise, a small one, but he nods in return to her words. Leaning forward, he lifts his head again only to look at his cup of coffee and pick it up off of the table to take another sip of it. He waits a few seconds, but he sighs and finally looks at her.

Anna: Now getting annoyed, Anna checked her phone and then looked at him "I said I was sorry."

Adam: "I heard you." He says, shaking his head now. He lets out another sigh, but it's more like an irritated breath. "I told you earlier I know that you're sorry. You don't have to keep saying it."

Anna: Anna bit her lips, and felt a lump forming in her throat "Then talk to me, please." She said quietly now putting her coffee on the table

Adam: Adam raises an eyebrow, and then turns to face her completely. Leaning back against the arm of the couch, he stares at her. "Fine," He says, "What? About what? About the exact same thing I told you earlier?"

Anna: "No." Anna said now pissed off "About anything. How was work?" She questioned, then sighed "I hate when people are short with me cause of something I did or said." Anna told him, and took a sip of her coffee

Adam: "You don't wanna talk about The Voice right now," He says, chuckling. When he chuckles in a situation like this, it's because it's a habit out of something that was uncomfortable for him, and that's exactly what this was. "I don't know what you want me to tell you, Anna."

Anna: "Then maybe you should just go, becuase if you aren't going to talk to me then why are you here?"Anna asked, she was upset and she's about to let the tears that she's holding back fall from her face "Can you please just fucking talk to me?"

Adam: "So now you want me to go because I /know/ you don't want to talk about the fucking Voice right now?" Adam says, his eyebrow raised once more before shaking his head. "If you want me to talk to you, fucking tell me what you want me to talk to you about, because I told you what I wanted to in the text we had earlier. I told you I can't convince you into thinking I'm not the guy you want to think I am and all you did was fucking say that you're sorry. I /get/ that, but it's not the answer that I wanted to hear from you. It's like you want me to break up with you so you have a blame for it."

Anna: "Not right now I don't no, but I do want to hear how work went." Anna said quietly, and then looked down. She knew she was wrong, Anna wanted so badly to grab a glass of wine instead of her coffe. She took a deep breath and chewed her lips, while letting the tears fall from her face now "I feel like I'm on the verge of another breakdown. I keep fucking up, and I'm sorry." She said, while trying to let out steady breaths "I don't want you to brake up with me."

Adam: "Well I don't want to talk about work at all right now." When she looks down, his eyes are inverted elsewhere because he doesn't want to look at her. This was going to turn into another argument and he didn't want another argument, so he just sighed. It was all that he could do. "I care about you, Anna. I do, but I can't..." He frowns, shaking his head as he runs his hand through his hair. "I can't keep telling you what you already know."

Anna: Anna swallowed hard, and then looked down at the floor. She fucked up big time with him, and now Anna was scared and everything was starting to rush through her mind. Looking at him, she let tears fall and then she looked down "I love you, and I trust you. I'm in love with you, and I'm sorry for getting jealous. I'm sorry for thinking that you're going to go back to them, but it's..., I just..." Stopping herself, Anna was having a hard time breathing "Can you please just come over here and hold me please." She said quietly

Adam: "You can keep saying sorry, Anna, but I know you're sorry and it's not going to change anything." His frown deepens for a moment and he lets out another sigh as he shakes his head. "I love you too, but I...I can't..." He looks away again, "I told you, I feel like I can't do anything...right, or anything to make you happy, and you keep saying I make you happy but I don't know if it's...if that's really what it is." He looks back at her now, "I've tried so hard to prove to you that you're the one I want to be with, Anna. It's like you...keep saying it to yourself to make yourself believe that's what you want too."

Anna: Anna sighed, and then looked at him "You do make me happy, I know we fight alot and that it's mostly my fault. I told you, I'm trying to work on that. I'm fucked up Adam, alright?" She said quietly "I'm fucked up." Anna looked at him again "Ben left me voicemails, and I listened to all of them. Aubrey's barley talking to me becuase Ive been a shitty friend, and youre this close to ending things I can feel lit." She said softly, and felt tears fall again "I'm fucked up, and I'm trying not to be." Swallowing hard, Anna wasn't even sure if she was making any sense "I don't want you to brake up with me becuase I'm in love with you." She said, and she was truly in love with him. Sure the had a lot of issues to work on, but this fight felt different and it scared her "Can you please just hold me?" She asks again, sighing

Adam: He's quiet for most of what she says, because he knows from getting to know her over the past couple of months that what had ended her last relationship partly was her ex calling her fucked up. He may be upset with her right now, he may be even a little bit mad at her right now, but the one thing that he wasn't going to do was call her fucked up. It would be hypocritical of him to do so--because they both knew that he was fucked up too. However, he clears his throat and his eyes widen slightly at the mention of Ben leaving her voicemails, and he shakes his head. "He's doing that because he can see that we're together and wants to fuck with you." His voice is quiet, but he finally makes way to move closer to her on the couch to do what she asked him to do.

Anna: Anna's waiting for him to agree with her, that she's fucked up but he doesn't and it bothered her because it's true. Hearing Ben's voice minutes before Adam came over was a dumb move on her, but the drunk voicemail she listened to from him was playing over and over in her head. "Well it's working." Was all she can say right now, taking a breath Anna wiped he eyes and felt her lips quiver for a few minutes as he holds her.

Adam: As he finally moves over to wrap his arms around Anna and hold her like she wanted him to, what Ben possibly could have said to her in those voicemails was now swirling around in his thoughts too. A frown begins to settle on his face a second time, and he sighs. “He...wants to meet up for that favorite and famous thing, right? Coffee. He wants to meet for coffee...he still loves you. God...he loves you so much that he can’t believe he fucked it up.” He clears his throat once more and looks at her. “Hm?”

Anna: When Adam was holding onto her, hearing him rant a little Anna scoffed and laughed nervously "The opposite of that, I got a drunk voicemail of him telling me he hates me which I don't blame him for." Anna sighed, and buried her face into his arms swallowing hard "But I don't want to talk about Ben."

Adam: “He hates you until what? You see him again or...until you return the call? If you do that at all.” He watches her as she buries her face into his arm, and his frown is still settled onto his face as he brings his free hand up to run it over and through her hair. “I don’t want to break up with you, Anna...” He finally says, whispering to her. “I love you /so/ much. I just...I wish you would listen to me when I tell you nothing’s going on.”

Anna: Anna held into his arms and left her face in them, taking deep breaths and sighed while letting him play with her hair. Swallowing hard, Anna kissed his arms softly and turned to the right position to hug him "I think I need to see him, or talk to him at least. Tell him to stop calling me, because he..." Stopping herself, Anna looked a Adam and kissed him softly on the lips "I love you so much, I do and I'm sorry that I'm fucked up. I'm sorry that I got jealous." Anna said, realizing she apologized again.

Adam: He stops talking when she mentions seeing Ben, or talking to him, and then clears his throat a moment later. Even after clearing his throat, he doesn't say anything because it's taking him a few moments to process what she had just said about that. While he understood that, he couldn't help but wonder about it. "...Because he what?" He finally asks, tone in his voice soft as he kisses her back gently and then pulls back slightly to look at her, bringing his hands up to both sides of her face like he usually does.

Anna: Closing her eyes for a few moments, Anna sighed and too a deep breath "Because he was with me for five years Adam. After our fight, I just left because it hurt and I didn't want to stay there anymore. He just, he deserves a little bit of closure. Maybe that's why he keeps calling me, I don't know." Anna chewed her lips, and swallowed hard "I told you that I hurt him, so I don't--" Stopping herself, Anna looked at him "I don't have to see him, I don't have to talk to him it's fine." Anna let out a shaky breath, and rubbed her forehead

Adam: "No, no. I get it, I just..." He pauses for a few moments and then shakes his head. "It was just...surprising. To hear that he's still leaving you voicemails." He frowns for a moment and lets out a sigh. "I get the closure thing. I needed it when I...when Anne and I broke up, so I...I understand it." He nods, shaking his head. "Do what you think is...the right thing to do, babe. Okay? I'm gonna stand behind whatever you want to do."

Anna: "Ben doesn't usually drink, so something must be going on which is why he's leaving me the voicemails in the first place." Anna sighed, and then rested her head on Adam's chest, while playing with her hair "I think I need to see him." She whispered, and then bit her lips "It's gonna kill me probably, but I think it'll help not only him but me in some way."

Adam: He nods his head, then lets out a sigh as he runs a hand through her hair. Staying quiet for a moment, he nodded and then leaned down and kissed her forehead. “Okay,” He says, quietly. “I’m...I’m not gonna tell you that you can’t. You know that.” He whispers.

END 

[angelkurenai]

Imagine the fans celebrating your anniversary with Jensen with tweets and your father, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, doesn’t miss the chance to join in.

Prompt: YN is Jeffreys daughter and she plays the Winchesters sister on SPN.Her and Jensen are now married with kids,and the fans always makes fun of him becuase they know how nervous he was to talk to Jeffrey when they started to date. what do you think?

“We literally took Wincest to a whole other level.” you giggled as you showed your husband the tweets that came along with the trend, #SixYears(your shipping name).

Jensen chuckled as he read the tweet “Those guys are seriously more excited about our anniversary than we are.”

You put on a fake pout “What? Are you not happy that it's our anniversary today?”

Jensen stopped immediately what he was doing and cupped your face, kissing you fully on the lips “Do you doubt that woman?” he asked in a low growl and you broke into a big grin.

“I don't know, maybe? I mean, I still haven't seen you prove me otherwise so far...” you trailed off with a shrug and he narrowed his eyes at you.

“Sweetheart, don't challenge me.” he pressed himself closer to you, trapping you between him and the kitchen counter “We have a long night ahead of us.” he said in a gruff voice, bringing his lips closer to yours not kissing but biting them.

You took in a shuddering breath, locking eyes with him “Why Mr Ackles, moments like this I realize how you got me to agree to your proposal.” you chuckled and he broke into a big grin.

“I hoped it was for my pretty eyes and charming smile but- I think I'll take pride in that as well.” he chuckled, pressing his lips to yours before pulling away and going back to finishing with the dish he was cooking. Yes, you probably complained about it playfully but whenever it came to your anniversary he spoiled the hell out of you. Well, he did spoil you every time you were around each other and job didn't keep you away from home anyway but on days like this he went all the way.

“You know it's because I fell in love with everything of yours thought.” you leaned in and kissed his cheek, making him smile even more at you.

“I know, princess. Same here, same here.” he whispered, getting carried away for a moment by you. The only moment you did pull away was when your phone buzzed and more tweets and news even from instagram appeared on your phone.

You giggled as you checked them “Listen to this one 'Hey @JensenAckles how does it feel celebrating each year the moment you married your sister? Must have been great to hear your father's speech about it!#SixYears(your shipping name)” oh and this one 'You're so lucky papa Winchester wasn't there to see that! #SixYears(your shipping name)' I mean these guys always have fun about this huh?”

“Oh a little too much, trust me.” he breathed out with a laugh and you smirked.

“Come on, nobody remembers how much of stuttering mess you were the first time you told my dad we were dating!” you shrugged with a chuckle as he only shot you a look.

“Are you kidding me? Your father enjoys the hell out of recounting that moment on every con he's joined us! And it's not like it was easy to begin with! He's John freaking Winchester, how can I tell him I'm dating his daughter that easily?” he said in a slightly squeaky voice.

You only laughed “He's not John Winchester, Jens. He's my father, Jeffrey-” you rolled your eyes when he scoffed still in disbelief “And he wasn't gonna pull a gun on you!”

“How are you so sure about that?” he narrowed his eyes at you “We were lucky your mom was holding him back otherwise oh dear Chuck, you wouldn't be a wife or mother today!”

“Always such a drama queen.” you giggled.

“How can I not be? It's like e gives me that look every time he sees us together saying: I am gonna get you back for this.” because apparently he can't take the fact that we do, well, what all married couples do!

“First; we have a kid of course we do! And second; come on J, my father doesn't have any issues with you! If anything, he's told me that he could never be happier for me to see me with someone that loves me this much.” you ended up saying in a soft voice, as you placed a hand on top of his “Of course he told me not to tell you a thing because he loves teasing the hell out of you every chance he gets but- what can I do, you are both two grown kids that I still love with all my heart.” you leaned in and rested your forehead against his just as he turned his head to face you.

“I'm almost forty and your dad makes me feel as if I am a teen boy again.” he sighed softly “But truth is... I don't think I would ever want it any other way.”

“I know you wouldn't.” you whispered, pressing your lips to his “And just so you know, for me nothing compares to that adorable blush of yours when my dad tells embarrassing stories about the two of you on cons.” you giggled as his chest rumbled with a laugh.

“Of course you do.”

“Come on, don't play hard on my Winchester.” you tucked at his shirt “You are like an open book to me.”

“I hate the effect you have on me Winchester.” he breathed out, pressing his lips back to yours “But let me get back to work, because I need to satisfy my wife today.”

“You satisfy her every day, anyway, because you are the best.” you whispered, giving him one last kiss “Oh” you saw your phone buzz again and once you grabbed it you smiled “Speaking of which.”

“What?” he glanced at you.

“My dad, he's tweeted something 'Every year this day I have the most beautiful memories of my sweet little angel, @(Y/t/n), getting married to her soulmate. As always my wish is one: Hope you've learned how to form a proper sentence @JensenAckles, because son when-' oh my gosh!” you couldn't continue as you kept laughing with what your father had said.

“I didn't stutter that much!” he exclaimed and you burst into laughter.

“Stutter when, daddy?” your daughter voice made you both turn to look at her standing on the doorway and with a smile you went to pick her up.

“Come on, princess.” you glanced at Jensen with a grin “Let mommy tell you a story that granpa Jef loves a lot too!”

[imaginesmai]

Jax Teller-Lucky (Zombie Apocalypse)

JAX TELLER- Z FOR ZOMBIE (FROM THE ANGST ALPHABET) 

I forgot to write down who requested this, but I know that at least two people (probably anon) along with @buckysjuicyplums (I know you requested some more, but I this was on my list of request and I thought I would tag you! I will have the rest when I have time) So, seeing that more than two people wanted this, I’ve done it quite long. Please, tell me if you like the idea, becuase I’m planning on a second part!

Plot: after the “fall”, everything turned out to be dangerous. You have been lucky enought to find Jax and a group.

The fall. That was how the first news called it; the fall of the humanity. When television or media still existed. They were the first ones to disappear, along with the governments and the army; they were all in the front when it happened. It started as a single man, which had become crazy in the streets. No one cared about him, just a drugged homeless man. He died in the hospital two days later of pneumonia. Only that it wasn’t pneumonia, it was an extremely dangerous virus that kept your body alive even when you died, and that turned you into a monster. The doctors and nurses who treated him went to their houses without knowing anything, talked with their families and slept with their partners. Not knowing they were spreading the fall.

By the time at least one thousands people had died in every country, the governments tried to solve it. They send the army, along with the media, to the places where the sick was being treated. It was only a way to give away more people to the virus; and soon, it was too late to save the humanity. In the short time of five months at least half of the population had become… things that walked searching for human flesh. Walkers, they called them. Along with the media and the army, the hospitals were the next to fall. When a year passed, every type of civilization you had ever knew was over.

You had been lucky, or so you thought. You used to live in an apartment in California, one of the first cities to fall. But you had managed to escape and found a group of people to survive with. Carol, a kind woman who cooked like heaven, and her son Jordan, a little boy of seven years who was the light of the group. There were also Marcus and Merritt, two brothers from Brazil who argued all the time. Chibs and Tig, two friends who loved too much women and guns, and Opie, who was literally a huge teddy bear. Lastly, it was Jax. He was the last addiction to your group along Opie, and you learned that they were buddies from the army. While Opie was cheerful and kind, Jax was rather silent and serious. But you wouldn’t have survived without him.

He was the stone of the group. When there was a discussion between Tig and Marcus, he stepped in between and put things in place. When you were surrounded by walkers, he always came up with a plan. And if you were running low on supplies, he got them from nearly nowhere. So, yeah, you had been kind of lucky.

“I’m tired, mom.” Jordan who was walking grippping Carol’s hand, complained. “When are we going to stop”

“Don’t worry, baby.” Carol answered. “It will be dark soon, no much longer”

“Maybe we should keep walking.” Marcus argued. Everyone scoffed at him, tired of his constant complaining. “It’s not a good idea to camp in the middle of nowhere.”

“We will find something soon.” Opie said. “If not, we can always stand guard.”

“Then don’t count with me.” Merritt scoffed. “I’m tired as fuck of sleeping on the hard ground, I’m not-“

“He said a bad word!” Jordan screamed, making everyone laugh except from the brothers. You looked back and smiled at the kid. He had two missing teeth, dirty cheeks and an adorable face that made everyone melt.

“I swear, kid, you’re-“

“We’re stopping here. “Tig said after looking at Jax. He was a few meters away from you, deep in the woods. You saw him giving Tig the thumbs up, meaning that he had found a safe place. One thumb, a safe place with walkers. Two thumbs, a safe place without walkers. You feared the day he wouldn’t give any thumbs up.

Everyone was too tired to complain. You had been walking since early morning, wanting to find some kind of refuge, as the last one was raided. You walked faster until you found what used to be a big warehouse. Jax was waiting for all of you in the front, with two dead walkers at his feet.

“Any more in there?” Opie asked, looking inside. He gripped his gun tighter, ready to attack.

“Nothing.” Jax said. “Two floors, many windows and a few cars. It will be more than enough for the night.”

After a last check from Tig and Marcus, you entered and prepared your things for the night. You put your sacks on the floor, all of them around a fire that you had stared with the help of Carol. The brothers took out a few cans of food from the last fuel station you had found, and even little Jordan ate knowing that there wasn’t much food left. Opie searched around for a bit, trying to find something useful. If you were to say, the place had been occupied by some group like you. There were some stains of fire in the ground, and in general it was too empty to be a place from before the fall.

As you were looking in a map, you felt a big shadow towering over you.

“I can’t see if you’re behind me, Jax.” you said, smiling. 

He kneeled behind you, putting his hands on your shoulders and giving them a soft squeeze. After a quick kiss on your forehead, he sat besides you in your sack.

“It could have been anyone else.” he stretched his legs. “I could have been a walker.”

“Walkers are much more silent than you, Teller.” you said. “If you keep carrying so many knives, you will be a tambourine.”

“You never know when they can save your live, darling.” he yawned, covering his mouth before Jordan could point him for not doing it. The little kid made sure manners were not lost in the new world. “Aren’t you going to sleep?”

“I want to find something first.” you sighed, turning to look at him.

Jax’s face had always been a wonder to you. Everytime you looked at him, you found something new. His messy blonde hair changed too many times; sometimes, he left it long, and then he would shave because he would feel like it. He had strange scars everywhere, not too big but enough that you could see them if you looked close enough. Depending of the light, his eyes could be green or blue. And if you were lucky, he would gave you a beautiful smile.

“I’ve noticed there used to be a military base here.” you pointed to the map. “It was abandoned before the fall, so maybe it’s closed. And if it’s closed, it should be safe.”

“Or it could be a walkers’ nest.” he frowned, looking at where you were pointing. “Everyone went to the military bases when the fall started. “

“Yeah, but-“

“And if they didn’t die there, it means they are still in there.” he said. “You know what that means, Y/N.”

“Sometimes the living are worse than the dead.” you sighed, repeating the words he had told you so many times. You had had a few encounters with living people, and most of them had tried to rob you, rape you or eat you alive. Without a government or laws, people were really becoming crazy.

You understood his protectiveness over the group. At first, no one cared about what he said; when you were a group of nearly twenty people. But everytime someone died, it turned out it could have been avoided with Jax’s advices. So in that moment Jax was the well-earned leader in the group, even if he didn’t want to say it.

“It’s better if we keep going.” Jax pointed to somewhere different. “It’s a little too far, but’s it’s worth the try.”

“What’s that?” you frowned, not seeing anything in the map. 

There was a huge blank on the map, possibily because it was made before whatever it was, was created. Anyway, it was big enough to be an ariport.

“It’s a mall. Opened shortly before the fall, so it must be full of things that can be useful.” he gripped your hand and gave it a soft squeeze. “I’m sure there will be books, we could find one you like.”

“But-Jax, it’s too far. It will take us too long, enough for the winter to arrive.” you worried. “You know what happened last winter.”

Everyone remembered the last winter. It had been the coldest since the fall, and none of you were prepared for it. One of Jax’s friends, Juice, had died during it. And probably most of you would have if it wasn’t for Jax and Opie. So, that winter, you were determinated to find a safe place.

“I know.” he sighed, remembering the blue lips, frozen fingers and pale faces. “We don’t have anything else, darling. I wish it could be any other way.”

You turned to him and, putting your hand on his cheek, kissed him. His lips, as yours, were dry, but neither of you cared. In a world where finding someone to love was nearly impossible, you were lucky enough. Jax put his hand on the back of your neck and kissed you deeper, making you tear apart with a small smile.

“Jordan is just a few meters away.” you chuckled.

“God, I can’t wait to have a little privacy.” he sighed, and pecked your lips again. “I’m going to talk to the guys, get in and I’ll be here in no time.”

“Okay.” you whispered against his lips.

Jax got up and walked away, leaving you cold and wishing for his warmth. Your relationship was nothing serious, you weren’t sure it was even a relationship. Sure, you had slept together and kissed always, but in the new world couples didn’t exist. Maybe in another time or world, things would have been different. Not wanting to think about it, you got into your sack and pulled up the zipper.

Little by little, everyone went to sleep. You heard Carol telling a story to Jordan, Merritt’s annoying snores and Tig’s breaths from your right. It seemed that Marcus and Chibs would be the ones in guard that night. Jax gave Opie one last look and then walked towards you. He left his coat next to your head, using it as a pillow. You didn’t have the privilege anymore of having pyjamas, lucky who got more than two pairs of jeans.

Jax got into the sack and you instantly wrapped yourself around him. Nuzzling your head against his neck, you left there a quick kiss before closing your eyes.

“You’re thinner.” Jax said, and you looked up. By his eyes, you knew he wasn’t going to let that go.

“It has been a couple of rough months, Jax.”

“No, it hasn’t. Everyone has been eating just right. We have enough food to have a heathy life, Y/N.”

You moved uncomfortably against his arms. Jax’s worry about the group, especially about you, was endlessly.

“Then I’m not thinner, Jax. It must be just you.” you sighed, wanting to sleep.

“I don’t think so.” you felt his hand under your pants, and you hit his chest playfully when he pinched your ass. “See? They’re so lose that I can fit my hand in here.”

The pants that you were wearing weren’t your size. In the past world, they must have belonged to another person, woman or men, with more hips than you. They were loose in your hips and you had to put them up with an old belt Carol found a few months ago. Still, they were warm and comfortable.

“That’s just a lame excuse to touch my ass.” you rolled your eyes and smiled at him.

“Seriously, Y/N.” he took his hand out and looked down at you. “It’s not about that and you know it. Although I would love to touch your beautiful ass in any other circumstances, I prefer talking about why are you so thin when you have enough food”

“There is nothing to worry about, I haven’t-“

“Jordan is not a quiet boy, you know.” he sighed, giving up. You looked down, knowing that it was a dead end, and waited for him to talk again. “I wanted to give you the chance to explain yourself, but I see you aren’t going to. Jordan has told me that you’re giving him your food.”

“I’ve seen Carol giving him her food too many times, Jax. Opie gives him some treats too, but his mother is always there for him. I-I can’t just stand while that kid and his mother are starving”

“They’re not starving, darling. Merritt and Marcus bring enough food for everyone. What Carol does with her son is not my business. I care about them, but not in the same way I care about you.” Jax said, lowering his voice so that no one heard your conversation.

“But-“

“No, Y/N. There are so many thing that can happen if you don’t eat. You could faint in the middle of a fight, or you won’t be able to run fast enough. There are a lot of illnesses you can catch.” Jax pressed you against him and kissed your head. “I can’t have you dead because I wouldn’t know what to do without you.”

“I’m just-.” you sighed and let the silence run for a few seconds before talking again. “Jordan is still so young. He should have a normal childhood. And-And Carol is trying to hard to make him happy. I just want to help.”

Jax noticed how your voice broke and how your fist closed in his shirt, and he took a deep breath. It hurt him that you were so good in a rotten world, it only gave your problems. Since the beginning, he had thought you were kind of silly. He was used to the army, where everyone looked for themselves and gave hard words to the weak. You had been patient with the others, and always cared about the weakest ones. At the same time, it made him angry and love you more.

“Maybe we can look up that army base.” he gave you a half smile. “If it’s empty, it can be a good place to spend the winter.”

You moved so that you practically were laying on him, with bright eyes. He knew how much it meant to you being useful to the group, being able to help in making the big decisions. Jax chuckled at your hopeful eyes, and kissed you once more. His lips moved against yours slowly, enjoying the peace of the moment. Just when he thought it would be too hard to pull away, you did.

“Don’t get your hopes up, as I told you it might be too dangerous.” he warned you. “We will just take a look in the distance, see if it’s safe.”

“It’s enough for me.” you kissed his cheek. “It can be a good place to spend the winter in.”

“Yeah.” he smiled, giving up against your hope.

Even with the heat of the fire, the warehouse was still too cold. Some teeth chattering could be heard, probably from Opie or Jordan, and the wind blew hard against the windows. You snuzzled your cold nose in Jax’s neck, and felt him pulling you even closer. You were really lucky.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning you woke up to a cloudy sky. It must had rained as you were sleeping, because some parts of the ground were soaked. The ceiling of the warehouse was broken in some parts, and the place was even colder. Winter was hot on your heels. The snow hadn’t appeared yet, but you knew it was a matter of time before the ice and the freezing temperatures made you slow down.

As you rose from your sack, you saw that you weren’t the last one to wake up. Carol was still sleeping in her sack, Jordan tucked on her side. Merritt snored beside you and you could see Opie sleeping on his side. Your sack was still warm, so that meant Jax had to be somewhere around. Putting on your old boots, you walked towards Marcus, who was cooking some animal on the fire.

“Hey.” you said, not receiving an answer. “What are you cooking?”

There were a few seconds of silence until he talked. Marcus was a big guy, shaved and with a weird moustache. Before Jax and Opie came into the group, the brothers used to take the lead. But deep down they were good people, and even if they butted heads with everyone, just wanted the best for you.

“You call this cooking?” he scoffed. “This is just not dying from raw meat.”

“Well, how are you saving us from dying from raw meat?” you let out a little laugh, attempting to light a little the mood.

“It’s rabbit. Not that there is much variety of food here, princess.” Marcus said. He had started calling you that name when he discovered you were still a student at university; a white young girl. For him, your kind was the cause of the fall probably.

“I’m not complaining, Marcus.” you rolled your eyes. “Have you seen Jax?”

“Of course you would want to complain to him”

“Why are you in such a mood?” you asked, crossing your arms.

Marcus didn’t answer you, just mumbled something under his breath and looked away. You were sure that attitude of him would be his death. You walked around for a bit, talked to Chibs who was on guard in the main door and laughed with Tig. They told you that Jax had left just some minutes ago to take a look around; so, after taking your knife, you stepped outside to look for him.

The trees were tall and the big leaves whistled loudly. The sun wasn’t anywhere, and you swore that soon it could rain. Maybe it was because that smell that only some people noticed, but each second you were more sure of it. After more than fifteen minutes walking, you found Jax crouched down next to a tree. You made yourself known by calling him quietly, not wanting to drag to yourself unwanted attention.

“What are you doing here?” you frowned, crouching beside him. From where you were, you could see at least fifty kilometres ahead you. It was a really big cliff.

“I should be the one asking you that. Don’t you know that it’s dangerous walking alone in the woods? Someone might have seen you, or something”

“I have my knife with me” you smiled, showing him the bloodied blade. “Sure, I ran into some walkers on my way, but you had taken care of everything, didn’t you?”

“Still.” he scoffed. None of you said anything, and you waited for Jax to answer your original question. Feeling your eyes on his face, he sighed. “I’ve been thinking all night about the military base. It’s in a good position, can you see it?”

He was pointing to somewhere between the trees, and you finally caught on what he was talking about. It was a small round base, but you guessed it was just the top of the iceberg. The position of the building had probably made it go unnoticed, so it was a good sign.

“I’ve been looking at it for a while” Jax whispered. “I haven’t seen any movement, from walkers or people”

“That means it’s safe” you said, turning your face to look at him.

His comforting smile was all you needed to tackle him to the ground. Jax complained at first, yet he wrapped his arms around you. It had been months of walking without really knowing where you were going, months of sleeping with one eye open and endless fights against the walkers. The possibility of catching a break was too good to hide your excitement.

Soon, you started rambling about it. How good would it be to feel the warmth of a closed place. The possibility of a bed or even energy to heat the food. Normal showers, everything was too good to be true.

Jax looked at you with a silly smile on his face, looking at your lips and feeling his heard full of love. It was what you deserved, what everyone in that group deserved. You had been lucky until then, and you really believed that you would be even luckier. As you gripped Jax’s cheeks and kissed him deeply, you two missed the growing feeling in your stomachs that your luck was about to end.

Want to know more about me? Here is my Masterlist! Feedback is always appreciated!!

[creepypastaheadcannonsxd]

Tim held onto the frozen turkey package, strolling into the kitchen. There was Alex, following directions from Amy who was sending everyone to do tasks while she cooked. "'M back."

"Ah, good!" Amy quickly rushed over, wearing her oven mits and a brown apron. She took the package out of Tim's hands, "Please come and take it out, put it on the pan.". This wasn't unusual, since Tim was the least affected by 'gross' things out of everyone. Well, Jessica was the best, but she was better at decorating. There was a sudden puff sound of something being dropped, and then a cough from Alex. They turned to look at him, and he was now covered in flour. A snrk came from Jay as he walked over to get wipes to clean Alex off, which alerted everyone to look at Alex and begin laughing.

"God damn you, flour." Alex said before he started laughing as well, trying to shake the flour out of his hair. Tim chuckled and pulled the turkey out, digging in it to rid of the bones and extra fat.

"I think I'm taking baking duty." Jay said as he continued trying to shake the flower off of Alex, and once they did that it was time to sweep it off the floor.

Tim held onto the frozen turkey package, strolling into the kitchen. There was Alex, following directions from Amy who was sending everyone to do tasks while she cooked. "'M back."

"Ah, good!" Amy quickly rushed over, wearing her oven mits and a brown apron. She took the package out of Tim's hands, "Please come and take it out, put it on the pan.". This wasn't unusual, since Tim was the least affected by 'gross' things out of everyone. Well, Jessica was the best, but she was better at decorating. There was a sudden puff sound of something being dropped, and then a cough from Alex. They turned to look at him, and he was now covered in flour. A snrk came from Jay as he walked over to get wipes to clean Alex off, which alerted everyone to look at Alex and begin laughing.

"God damn you, flour." Alex said before he started laughing as well, trying to shake the flour out of his hair. Tim chuckled and pulled the turkey out, digging in it to rid of the bones and extra fat.

"I think I'm taking baking duty." Jay said as he continued trying to shake the flower off of Alex, and once they did that it was time to sweep it off the floor.

"Yeah.." Alex dragged out the last letter to be funny, which granted him a grin from Jay. Forking over ten dollars so Jay could buy more flour, Alex started cleaning off the counters and any dishes. As the kitchen was full of busy people, in the living room was just as busy. Sarah and Seth were pushing tables together to make them larger, and setting out chairs when needed. Jessica was busy decorating said table, with all the nessicary equipment to eat. Fancy plates, forks, spoons, knives, and glass cups for wine and a regular drink, with an added touch of a candle in the middle. Native American dolls were situated by the candles with their own plates, ready for dinner.

Finally Amy finished cooking, and they all sat out all the food. Everyone gathered around, taking turkey, steak, mixed vegetables, and mashed potatoes. After everyone was seated exept Alex, he popped open the wine and poured everyone a glass. Then he sat down, and they all closed their eyes. Clasping their hands together, they said aloud, "Thank you for giving us this wonderful food and knowledge." and they clinked all their wine glasses after. Then they could all start eating and telling stories.

Tim got to go first to share, so while everyone else started eating he began his story. "Back in college when I was let out, I ran into this boy. He wasn't even mad at me for running into him, unlike others. He turned around with a smile, and asked me if I needed help getting around and carrying everything. So I said yes. He walked me to class, and patted my shoulder when I went in. That was the first outside touch I'd had for a while, so I whipped around to look at him. He held out a peice of paper, and I took it, then he left. It was weird, until I realized it was his number and I texted him." Then Brian's voice chimed in brightly, as expected. He liked telling stories.

"Oh! Then we met in the lunchroom and I introduced you to Seth!"

"Yeah.." Tim said inbetween laughter, "My first friend. It was weird and he was weirder." Brian gave a fake pouty look and punched Tim's arm.

"My turn!" Amy called in, making everyone turn to listen to her story. "In the middle of college, I stumbled into this adorable theater kid." She grinned at Alex, who in turn huffed with a red face. "He was the cutest looking kid in school, I was so surprised other girls weren't swooning over him. He was like, the most gentleman there."

"Seems things have changed." Jessica said smirking, which sent everyone to burst out laughing.

"Damn straight." Alex agreed, and just to prove his point he shoved a peice of turkey in his mouth.

"Shut up, and don't choke!" Amy said, and then continued her story. "I asked him out on a date to Olive Garden, and he payed for everything! We went on two more dates, one to the park and one to my house before he asked me to date him."

After a few moments of laughter, Seth started off.

"I'm thankful for the first time Brian took me climbing with him. I slipped up alot, but he gave me one of my favourite hobbies. I can't thank you enough for that." He gave a genuine smile, making Brian smile back happily.

"Yeah, remember when we actually made it up the first wall?" Brian said, waving his hands around to explain how tall it was. Everyone sort of blanked on it, since he talks so much, it's not unusual for him to go on random tangants.

"Yeah, I started crying from how happy I was." Seth giggled, taking a sip of his wine. Out of everyone, he drank the least amount, which was a couple sips. Jessica had downed hers with a challenge from Sarah, at least they found out that Jessica could drink faster than Sarah. But Sarah could beat Jessica's ass anytime in tennis, which everyone knew her story would be about.

"A'ight, but y'all weren't here when I accidentally slammed my ball into Jessica's face from hittin' the ball so hard." Jessica groaned with a chuckle and let Sarah continue. "We were playing tennis together at our court, y'know just hangin' out together. It was a blast, of course I was winning, but when we were serving I accidentally hit my ball too hard. It zipped right over th' net, slamming right into Jessica's forehead. It was probably the highlight of any of our games, she fell to the ground laughing as I rushed over to check if she was hurt badly."

"It was awesome!" Jessica agreed, nudging Sarah's arm.

"I guess it's my turn?" Jessica asked. Everyone nodded, and so she began. "I remember the best day of my life when I met Jay. He comforted me in the dumbest ways when I was depressed, and I can't thank him enough for that. I don't know where I'd be without him. I remember he took me ice skating, he failed miserably but he laughed so much it cheered me up." Jay smiled brightly, squeezing Jessica's hand.

"Mine is when Alex offered me to be in Marble Hornets. That was such a great fim! I loved the part where I could talk about hotels. I especially liked being with all my friends." Jay said with a bright smile, as Tim smiled, and then excused himself for a smoke break.

Walking to the porch, he heard the familiar voice as he sat down. "I hope you're enjoying this, Tim." It was a god his Mother prayed to every night, hoping for her baby to be ok. He got one wish that could grant him anything, he could've been famous. He could've been rich or surrounding himself in good food and luxury, but he chose for his friends. He wanted them back more than anything.

"I am.." Tim said, rubbing at his eyes which were forming tears. "Thank you. Thank you so much. Tell Mom I'm doing amazing." Just like that, the god went away.

Lighting his cigarette, he breathed in the smoke to blow it back out. After continuously doing this three more times, he went back inside to hear Brian's story. "The day I met Tim was probably the best day of my life, becuase I was also accepted into medical school that day. I got to start my training and I was so excited! When I told Seth and Sarah, they were super excited for me and after school they bought me the books I needed for school! I then got to hang out with Tim, and influenced him to-" Alex cut in, knowing Brian could go on and on for hours.

"My turn." Brian huffed at Alex, but smiled and stayed quiet to let Alex continue. "I'm thankful that back when I was in high school I started taking drama classes to practice my acting. I'm so glad I did. Marble Hornets came out as a blast, everyone loved it!" He was quite passionate about Marble Hornets.

Everyone shared laughs, and finished off their food. They all then gathered into the livingroom to watch the movie 'Numbers'. After a while, they had all passed out on the sofas.

[you-are-worth-the-wait]

i’m sorry that all that was something that was sprung up on you and snowballed the way it did.  i don’t reallt understand or get it.  you would think something as serious as that, you’d want to protect and respect the other person’s privacy.  yes, it so happened to be of this particular subject matter but you would think that even if it was something else, they would be conscious of that very moment that it was something of a very personal subject matter and that the person entrusting to tell you about it would not want it spread around.  at least that’s the way i see it.  which is why i try not to eavesdrop on convos that don’t have me involved and whatever someone tells me, i feel that it’s not my secret or information to give to anyone else unless told otherwise.  i feel that it’s their “secret” to share and if they want other people to know about it, they will tell those other people in due time when they are ready.  it’s why i never push you to reveal anything about yourself or your thoughts until you are ready.

i didn’t tell her to call/message/check up on you...but i’m glad she did.  honestly, since the day she moved away and i saw that you needed someone by your side, i’ve resisted the urge and temptation to ask her to call/check up on you.  i wanted to.  i really did.  i felt you needed her/a friend during this time, more than ever, and i knew she was prolly the only person, aside from me, you knew you could trust and saw things from your point of view.  i’d want to say that if there was anyone who you should listen to as far as passing judgement, it would be her, because she knew you before, during, and after all of this.  if there was someone that i felt you could talk to other than me, it was her.  when she moved away, i have to say that i was really sad, for you, becuase i knew how much you would have possibly needed to lean and unburden yourself to her.  like i said, it still would have been tough, but to have her by your side, it would have made things a little easier.  did you not respond back to her?  did you not respond because you thought i told her to reach out to you?  she could be reaching out simply because she was missing you or felt that she hadn’t connected with you for such a long time.  i’m sure you two could use a little catching up time together,  if anything, i think it would be helpful and therapeutic in a way to talk to her.  to be able to speak to someone who will not judge you and you could actually speak your mind.  someone who actually knows you for you and is willing to listen and someone i feel you actually trust enough to be able to say exactly what is in your mind and heart.  you should reach out to her Love.  i’d say to tell her i said hi but that’s all on you.

before you called me, i was planning on writing tonight about how i feel like even though i did spend the money to do match, i think i wasted it.  because i felt it was some kind of means to an end but to actually try and open myself to find “love”...my heart just isn’t in it.  how can i be happy when i know you aren’t happy.  i know we would both want to wish each other the best, but how do i live with myself knowing you are in such an impossibly crappy situation?  

and i hope i kinda of clarified myself when i said “take you away”.  i know it may sound and imply what it means but i didn’t mean it literally.  like i said, we’d still be in vegas.  we’d stil lbe in that house.  if you wanted to move from there, i/we would figure out a way to do so.  i know you’d still have to deal with your family/friends here.  i wasn’t necessarily taking you to Ireland, Hawaii, or Australia.  i just wanted you out of the situation you are in where you are constantly being hurt, judged, sad, used, abused, belittled...eff’...i hate it.  i hate how i feel when i think about it.  i hate sounding preachy and insincere if that’s the way i come across.  i’m just...tired too.  

i hate people telling/talking to me about statistics.  telling me what you will “most likely do”.  what “everyone does”.  what “you’ve done to me”.  that “you made your choice”.  yeah...i get what you are doing and i’m fully aware of who you are ending your night with every day.  yeah...i’m effin’ stubborn.  yeah...i get that i’m not listening to logic or reason.  i don’t care.  that’s not me when it comes to my heart and how i feel about someone.  i know what i know and i know what i believe.  and yeah...it’s possible that because of that reason...i’m going to hurt and fall so much further.  but it’s a chance and risk i’m willing to take.  i don’t know what to do really.  i do know that i don’t want to hurt you...

hey...i didn’t mean to disrespect your family, friends, or anyone that means a lot to you.  when i said that i didn’t care what they thought about me, it was more so along the lines of what i am willing to endure for something/someone that i believe in.  if it took the whole world hating me just to be with you, i’ll gladly take it and build from there.  you and i, i know how good we are together.  if people don’t see that, believe that...in the beginning...i’ll understand that.  not that i need to win them over and not like that will be my main focus.  my main focus wil be you/us.  i’d want to build a life for us that give us the best chance to succeed and be happy.  people may not see it that way at first and maybe they will refuse or not want ot believe it.  like i said, it’s not my goal or motivation to like/accept me.  but in the end, i think that people will finally start to genuinely see what you see, what i see, and how happy we make each other, that i know they will eventually come around.  likei said, does it scare me...yes it does.  will it hurt to have your parents see me a certain way and maybe see you a certain way because of me, yes it will.  but that won’t stop me from loving, treating, caring, watching out over, and protecting you.  at some point, i think/know people will see why we are together.  i heard that fear of uncertainty in your voice and i know there is that fear there for you...and i understand.  i told you, one of my fears was that you would “settle” because you were scared and fearful of the fallout and judgement.  i can tell you till i’m blue in the face that it will be tough at first but we will be okay and we will come out of things stronger and for the better and people will realize and see what i always saw with us.  it will just be a matter of you allowing yourself to see it and believing in me/us as well, despite all that fear and uncertainty you have.  yes...i know it’s asking a lot of you to take my hand and to trust me...but i would never put you in a situation that would endanger you in any way, mentally, emotionally, physically, relationship-wise with family and friends.  if their acceptance and judgement means that much to you, you could stay where you are now and figure out if that is the life you want to live.  or you could be with me and, if acceptance is what you want me to focus on along with making you happy, i’ll do that...for you.  i/we could just let it naturally happen, which like i said, i know it will once they see how happy you are.  or i could work on it, for your peace of mind.  in the end, i don’t really think anyone will “care” about who you are with.  yes, they may have someone in mind that they think/want you to be with.  but ultimately, for every person that will judge you and your choices in life, even your parents Love, i think the most important thing that would matter to them is that you are happy.  at some point, like you reblogged, are you going to let selfishness of others run and dictate your life?  are you content to be in a situation where people are “happy for you/themselves” but you yourself are not happy in the situation?  do you think your parents/mom would rather choose the “you” that you are now in the situation you are in or the “you” that you know you can be when you are with me.  i know that there are a ton of factors to consider in everything...*sigh*

it’s hard for me to keep a neutral outlook of him when he is constantly hurting you in one way or another.  i try to be calm and level-headed about everything that goes on because i do respect what you are doing.  truth...sometimes i feel that the more he treats you like shyt, i feel the more it will open up your eyes to the difference between you and him versus us and the outlook for the future.  but to continually see you beaten down to breaking points, it does a number on me too.  

i like and admire the fact that you are going so indepth as to searching for answers here and there and maybe there is a paart of me that is more afraid now because i know that “book knowledge” is something that helps you to explain and understand things.  along those lines, i know what is ���suppoesed” to happen.  i know what everyone “says will happen”.  i know what everyone “thinks will happen”.  but sometimes, when it comes to the heart, sometimes there is no logical answer or rationale.  i already know how illogical i am when it comes to my heart.  throw all the facts, figures, data, and whatnot into my face.  all i know is that as long as i believe in something, that’s all i need to keep going.  you can label what kind of relationship we are and why this happened but...you can’t quantify the feeling of your hands in mine.  you can read off statistically what happens in situations like this but...you can’t measure the comfort and safety you feel when you are in my arms.  who is the last person you think of when you go to bed and who is the person that makes you actually want to wake up.  who motivates and brings a brings a genuine smile to your face.  when something amazing happens to you as in tuen when something horrible and bad happens, who is the first person you want to talk to share that experience with.  we both now have a past with you and i can’t compete with yours as he can’t compete with ours but...when you close your eyes and are kissed, who do you want to open up your eyes to and see staring back at you now...and in the future.  that’s how my mind and heart operates.  i can’t logically explain why i know, feel, and believe what i do and yeah...everything may verge on the fantastical.  i may not see things the way others do and i know i can be confusing and hypocritical.  but i think you already know that that’s me...*ws*  i’m not “normal”.  i make do with what i have, try to live the best life i can live, and if you trust me enough to go along with me on whateber adventures my life could possibly lead me towards, i would love for you to be the person who is by my side and sharing those moments with me.  sooo...yeah... 

gawd i ramble...

[wonderfulworldofwinchester]

Too Much Drama Mama

Dean x Reader, Best Friend!Sam x Reader 

Request By Anon: heeey, so, you must be quiet fed up with all the dean x reader requests, but i just can't help it, i love that man and your writing so much D: may I request one where the reader lives in the bunker and mary has a conflict with her and wants the boys to kick the reader out but they refuse and ask mary to leave instead if the reader bothers her so much? maybe dean x reader + best!friends reader/sam? you can write it whenever you feel about it, i'd be so happy~

Warnings: Drama, Mary being rude to reader, fight between boys and Mary, Language. 

*Unedited- apologies for any spelling/grammar errors, and/or anything that’s funky in it haha.* 

Also, Requests are back open :) 

                                 Masterlist              To Do List

In this line of work, almost nothing is out of the question. You see things you can never in a million years begin to explain. But this. This takes the cake. Mary. Yes, the Mary. The one who burned on the ceiling of Sm’s nursery all those years ago, has suddenly come back to life. Now that is straight up weird. Not to mention, it makes things a little more than awkward around the bunker. 

You had been living with the Winchesters for a little over 3 years now, and it’d been the best 3 years of your life. You had a smokin hot, goofball of a boyfriend in Dean, and the best of best friends that anyone could ever ask for in Sam. You  all were a little quirky in your own way, and often had disagreements, but they were always quickly resolved... for the most part. No one said you were the perfect model family, in fact to anyone looking from the outside in, it would appear to be more than dysfunctional, but somehow you made it work. 

That was until the night she moved in. You had heard about her, and seen pictures that Dean kept in his room, but nothing could have prepared you for the real thing. Hell, nothing could have prepared the boys for the real thing. She seemed sweet enough in the beginning. Often times you felt a little bit for her. She struggled to catch up to the times, and you knew that had to be extremely frustrating to say the least. 

You put so much effort into trying to help her, and trying to be the nicest you could be. You gave her the benefit of the doubt when she started to become snarky, and just flat out rude. She was just under a lot of stress with he new life, and new world, right? Nope, the more and more comfortable she got. The more and more her mouth started running. 

“You could have gotten both of my boys killed tonight!” He voice bellowed through the halls of the bunker. Luckily, Sam and Dean had dropped you two off, and went back it for some supplies, and food. “Why do you even insist on being a hunter? You have no business in this line of work.” 

“I could have gotten them killed!? I wasn’t the one who just burst in and announced her presence to a warehouse full of vamps. You almost got us all killed!” 

She followed you down the hall, never once stopping her barrage of insults. “You should just leave. You put them in danger every second you are here. You make them soft, and leave them vulnerable to attack. They can’t do this job if they have to constantly worry about a little girls scout like you.” 

You turned on your heel so quick, she barely stopped herself from running into you. “Okay, that’s it! You don’t get to just waltz in her and act like you’re in charge!” 

“Excuse me?” She threw her head to the side, and her hands came out to her sides. 

“You heard me. You were gone for their whole lives. Dean was only four, and Sam was a baby. You don’t get to act like you know them. I was the one here cleaning up the mess you left them.” Her face contorted with confusion at your statement. “Yeah that’s right. I know about the little deal you made. I was the one holding your son on the nights the nightmares plagued him, and he couldn’t sleep. You did that to them, and I was here to deal with it. Don’t act like you all the sudden know them better than anyone else! You might be blood, but right now you aren’t acting like family, you’re acting like a damn stuck up, jealous bitch.” 

“Oh I’m being the bitch here, or are you just really that insecure that you think me being back is going take your precious little boy toys away?” 

“You don’t know a damn thing about me, and as far as I’m concerned it can stay that way.” 

No sooner than the last word was out of your mouth, she took a swing at you. Luckily, your reflexes were still in overdrive from the hunt, and you dodged it. Her fist made contact with the wall of the hallway producing a loud bang, closey followed by a “Shit!” from her lips. 

As if right on cue, the bunker door opened just in time to hear it. “Mom? What happened, are you okay?”   Dean’s voice conveyed a sense of worry as he rushed down the stairs and towards the hall where you two were standing. You really weren’t in the mood for a family meeting, so you took off towards the room you shared with him, but your feet didn’t move fast enough and he arrived before you were out of sight. His eyes widened when he saw Mary’s busted knuckles. “What happened!?” 

You turned quickly and beat her to the punch, “She took a swing at me, and busted her hand on the wall. That’s what happened.” Before either of them could say another word, you were off down the hall again, this time managing to successfully escape in your room. 

Dean had come by to check on you, but you didn’t really feel like talking at the moment. He told you he’d be back, and that he was going to go see what she said happened. Upon arrival in the library where Sam had been talking to Mary he found himself in the midst of a very uncomfortable discussion. 

Before he even sat down, she set in. “I don’t like her. Not one bit.-”

“Woah, woah. Why don’t you just slow down a little bit. What’s going on?” Dean inquired. 

“She could have gotten both of you killed. Something tells me it’s not the first time either. You’re both soft around her. She makes you weak. I want her out. She’s bad for my boys.” 

“And if we say no?” Sam questioned. 

“Are you serious? You’re going to choose her over me? Over your own mother? Your flesh and blood?” 

“Blood makes us related. It don’t make you family. We don’t owe you a damn thing! Last I checked, you made that deal, not us. No one put a gun to your head, and made you make that dea!. You got yourself killed, and consequently Dad. Not to mention the messed up shit Sam went through because of it. You didn’t want this life for us, but yet here we are because of the choices you made.” 

“How many times am I going to have to say that I’m sorry for what I did? Besides that, Like I’m the only one at this table, who made a choice that hurt someone else, or made a deal to save someone.” 

“Let me get this straight. You’re asking me to give up the one thing that I love more than enything else in this world, for someone I barely know, and who to be honest, is being a little bit of a dick right now.” The whole room when silent after Dean made his comment. 

Dean’s jaw clenched, “Look, if you really have such a problem with Y/N that you can’t be near her-” his arm came up as he stood from his chair, “there’s the door!” 

Her face was riddled with disbelief, “Sam..?”

“You heard him.” Sam’s voice was flat and seemingly emotionless as he answered. “Get out.” 

Mary had her stuff packed and was out the door in a matter of minutes. Part of you was relieved to have her gone, and to be free of her comments and judgement, but the other part felt guilty becuase after all she was their mother. As you stood their behind the boys as she closed the door behind her, a single tear couldn’t help but make it’s way out. What if you had just ruined the only chance they had to get to know their mother? 

Dean was the first to see the tear. “Oh, no, no, sweetheart, don’t cry.” He had a hand on either side of your face, wiping the tear away with his thumb, and his emerald eyes swept over you. “It’s okay, come here.” He said, pulling you into a warm embrace. Immediately you found comfort in his arms, just like always. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t want anyone here who can’t love my girl.” He knew it made you giggle when he called you his girl . 

Sam came up behind you, and wrapped his long arms around the both of you in a big bear hug. “No one messes with my best friend!” He only made you laugh even harder. Life was pretty sweet with these two. You had it made, and it made your heart swell knowing that they felt they same way about having you around.

If you want to be added to one of my tag lists, just ask :) I have 3 main lists: The Anything and Everything, The Sammy Boy, and The Deano.

The Anything and Everything: @tillielynn16 @fandomaskedstuff @hillface89 @saltysamgirls @naruko88558855 @unusualcorn

The Deano: @angelofchaos @straitsupernaturalmalefan @kayladools @pandazombie69

[hpzen1805]

So, it's been a crazy ride these last few weeks.

Work was geting bad again, my supervisor (who has made a point to tell me that she's my colleague, not my supervisor, despite the fact that she runs the attorney's entire practice and requires that all work product be reviewed by her) started being horrible to me again. And it took this crazy thing and talking it over with my partner to realize that she's been gaslighting me this whole time.

Fun.

Things were getting bad and I was super stressed and not doing well at all (things were like when I started high school; I would wake up feeling sick to my stomach and almost vomit every morning because that's how my body deals with stress. Fun, right?)

But I had this class for work that was out of the office with my old senior paralegal, and it turned out to be just what I needed. She kind of knew what was going on already because she and I keep in contact, but we were able to actually talk about what was going on with both of us. I told her about the craziness at work and she told me how amazing her new office is. She also made a point to tell me that they were hiring and that she had talked me up so well that they wanted to see my resume. I didn't think it was going to go anywhere, but I needed some hope, so I agreed to send it to her.

At the class, I realized just how little these people who supposedly "wanted to teach me" about my field had really been keeping from me. The class went over things that I had been told were too advanced for me so simply that I found out that there was a whole exemption that we were utilizing that I had never been told about and which made the calculations that I had been struggling with make so much more sense. Of course, when I had done those calculations, I had been given a wkrd processing sheet to work with, and no explanation of why each part did what it did or what was supposed to be used to accomplish it. When I was told I did it wrong, the explanation was that "[I] couldn't know that because it comes with experience".

No. It comes from someone actually explaining shit. Just saying.

Anyway, my friend got me an interview, and it went really well. I had an offer within the week, and with how stressed my coworkers' behavior was making me, I was more than happy to accept. However, I still felt like I owed that place some modicum of loyalty (hey, I'd been there for a year and - as ive found out is like all gaslighters - things didn't always seem horrible; sometimes they were nice to me and let me hear them shit-talk others so that I knew what they did behind my back) I felt like I should give a months notice to do right by them.

So I signed my offer letter, gave a months notice, and started working with my non-supervisor to organize the tasks that I had and figure out what I could accomplish before I left.

Weird thing, though: when I gave notice, the attorney wasn't there, and my non-supervisor had always said to tell her first if we were leaving so she could "make things easier with [the boss]", so I did. She was very nice about it and said they would support my decision.

Then she asked where I was going, which I had purposely not said because another former employee worked there and I didn't want to make things weird or give them an opening to try and bad-mouth me (I don't trust people who smile and make polite chit-chat with someone and immediately start talking shit about them the second they leave the room, sorry not sorry). I told her that I didn't want to say because I wanted to avoid any awkward situations. This was her response:

"Why? It'll be more awkward if you're not upfront with us. We need to know in case there's a conflict. If there's a conflict [the boss] will only want you to stay two weeks, but if there isn't, she'll take the whole month. "

I - like a dumbass - was startled into telling her because it sounded legit. Come to find out from my friend at the new place that it was total bullshit, and they were just being nosy. Apparently, when the last girl from our firm left for my new firm, they called to talk to the hiring attorney about her (idk what they said, but my friend basically told me that the attorney knew better than to listen to them).

Anyway, I was ready to stick out the month and blow through my task list as fast as I could. I mean, I was super into it! I wanted to do the best I could because im a firm believer in kill 'em with kindness. Seriously, my motto is "I am a ray of goddamn sunshine and everyone Will Fucking Know It". So when I went in on Tuesday, I was ready to get down to business (to defeat... the tasks? Idk, it's late, and I'm loopy). And my supervisor had seemed like she was really supportive on monday when I told her, so I thought things would go relatively smoothly.

I was so wrong.

I went into our planning meeting, and it was like I was transported back three weeks; every little thing I did or said was scrutinized and found wrong, she was annoyed by all the tasks I had that she had told me to push back, and she decided she wanted to finalize 7 of my tasks that day. Since 5 had been reviewed BY HER before, I was hoping it wouldn't be too bad.

It was.

I had made all the updates that she asked, but she found further fault with the product that she had previously overlooked, and of course, it was my fault. So I tried to fix things and get them done, but by this time, her passive-aggressive attitude and constant sighing to express her "boredom" (something she's explained before as a reaction to "people not doing things the way she wants them done quickly enough"; that's a story for another day) was really fucking with my stress levels. There was also a thing with some documents that I didn't have, which I had asked her about weeks before, and she had said that the client had kept them and we had just kept scans after the meeting; that day, she wanted to know why I didn't have them, and I reminded her of that conversation; she got mad and said that I should have them and started asking when I had last had them (I never had them) and then went to check her office. Lo and behold! They were in her office! Who woulda thunk?! Then she proceeded to tell me that it was my fault for not getting them from her and that she never told me the client kept them becuase they would never keep them (which I had pointed out was weird when we talked about it and she assured me it was a rushed decision and out kf the norm).

Basically, the whole day was a shit-show in a hell-hole with my own personal torturer who specializes in emotional fuckery.

So I went in on Wednesday after almost puking when I woke up. After crying out of frustration to my partner the night before. After talking to my partner and my parents and being told by all of them that I could, in fact, just leave if I wanted to, and that the stuff my supervisor was doing was super shady (forcing me to tell her where I was going to work, and telling me not to tell hr because the boss would want to do it "on her own terms" because of the bad relationship between her practice and the main branch of the firm).

And after all of that, I came in to a rude response to my check-out email (which was in response to a rude reminder that I had to send one "EVERYDAY before I leave") and a passive aggressive note written in all caps on a post it that a new task was an ASAP and that I needed to see her IMMEDIATELY when I finished it.

And I snapped.

I sent an email to hr giving my notice and saying that I didn't want to upset my boss, so if she hadn't sent it over Please dont tell her I did. I got a very concerned response, and an offer to talk if I needed it. I went to themorning meeting with our practice grouo and made polite small talk with my supervisor, who was using the same voice on me that she uses on the associate attorneys that she thinks are stupid and doesn't like, but has to be nice to. And at that point, I was Done.

I went back to the office and finished the ASAP. I finished my admin stuff that had been lingering. I cleaned up my desk and updated my task list. I checked that my shelves were organized. I gathered up any research that I had done that didn't have client names on it, any notes I had without client names, and any personal items I had. And I left.

Well, first I gave her the asap and said I almost threw up (which I had in the midst of organizing) and that I needed to go home. (The response was: "Leave what you have in my box and hand flap to suggest leaving". Because, since she works while sick or giving birth, everyone else is expected to as well, and if you don't, you're weak and beneath her)

Then, I went to hr and explained what had been going on. I was so stressed that I cried again (luckily, not much, cuz I hate crying in front of anyone, but especially in a professional setting), but she was super nice about it and asked what I would like to do. I said that I wanted to cut my notice to the usual two weeks, and use my sick and vacation time to cover that week and a half that I had left. I just couldn't do it anymore, and my partner's voice was in the back of my head "You gave your notice. They can't fire you, and you don't have to take their crap.", along with my mom's voice telling me "The only one stopping you, is you." And the hr lady said I could!

So I left.

And I feel SO MUCH BETTER.

Am I still worried that they'll bad mouth me to my new firm and ruin my reputation with the attorneys at their firm? Yes.

Am I super nervous about starting a new job? Fuck yes, I am.

But I am out of that toxic place, and I have a new opportunity to do the best I can with my life.

And I am so grateful for that. I am so grateful for the people I have in my life. And I'm even grateful for what those people did, because I can learn from it, and I can grow as a person so that I am NEVER LIKE THEM.

So, if you've made it this far, I'm sorry for the rant, but also: Please don't give up. It may seem like you're in a horrible situation, but you CAN find a way out. Talk to people, don't be afraid that you're bothering them. Or do it anyway, because guess what? You Deserve Better. Even if someone (including yourself) is telling you that you don't. You Deserve Better. And if you feel like no one believes in you, or you can't do it? I believe in you. And I know you can do it. If I can, anyone can.

Please, don't give up.