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wisecura · 6 months ago

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megumi fushiguro x fem-reader

p.1

p.9 ⁭ ( ⸝⸝꩜ ᯅ ꩜⸝⸝;) p.11

p.10

Short summary: Your arranged marriage to Toji Fushiguro had been sudden and unexpected, but now you found yourself living under his roof alongside your moody stepson. Your only directive from your clan head before moving in was clear: keep a close eye on Toji, the notorious Sorcerer Killer, and his son, a potential sorcerer prodigy.

AN: can I make it up to you with a slightly longer chapter? please? sorry if this is a bit wordy, but enjoy. the next few chapters will have more momentum and movement. I'm still debating how messed up I want this story to be-- i tend to lean into the dark fic lines. i have a rough outline but....

warnings: this story may cover sensitive and uncomfortable topics. please read at your own risk, violence, lashings, blood, mental breakdowns, yandere, obsessive behavior, possessiveness, mommy kinks, mommy issues, arranged marriages, forced marriages, angst, eventual smut, clan politics, age gap (5 years from meg, and a little over 10 with toji), hints at inappropriate thoughts, toji aint the best dad, mentions of child abuse, slowww build.

thoughts and time changes

Lately, you’ve found yourself growing unexpectedly closer to Toji.

There’s a subtle… warmth in him now that wasn’t there before, though he still remains quiet, never prying—and it all started after you returned from your clan house battered and bruised. When he was surprisingly gentle as he wordlessly patched you up. Yet, despite this newfound…what? fondness?—his frequent absences still plagued the house, never lingering longer than necessary, and more often than not, It was still just you and Megumi.

Megumi returned home for the summers—with that first one standing out as particularly difficult to navigate.

The two of you fell back into that familiar closeness, as if the strained conversation from before had never happened. As if he hadn't ever avoided you in the first place. He never spoke about it, opting to steer clear from any conversation that seemed too personal. Yet, this left you with a lingering uncertainty that seemed to hang over every interaction—never knowing if he might suddenly pull away or how his mood might change—keeping you constantly on edge around him.

And how could you bring it up? No, you’d much rather keep things peaceful—safe, between the two of you.

Despite all of your “concerns”, he slipped back into his touchy, almost affectionate habits—perhaps even more so than before, seemingly fine for the most part. The anger and blatant irritation that once defined him, present in his every interaction with Toji, had given way to a stoic calmness—a neutrality that left you feeling a bit happier. He changed so much, yet felt so familiar in so many ways.

And it was that same composure that made him so hard to read, leaving you endlessly guessing at what he didn't say. You definitely can't say you knew him as well as you did before.

Megumi’s thoughts drifted back to his first year at Jujutsu High.

A plethora of new faces and challenges—meeting his classmates had been, to put it mildly, eventful. There was Gojo Satoru, for one. His arrogant and self-absorbed teacher, who seemed far too amused by his own power and status as the strongest sorcerer. Easily the most skilled, he pushed Megumi all year to become a better version of himself, taking an interest in his background with the Zenin Clan. Annoying as it was, Megumi had to admit—thanks to the blue eyed freak, he understood his potential far better than he ever had before.

Then there was Yuji Itadori. The reckless idiot who, in a moment of pure desperation and absolute insanity, swallowed one of Ryomen Sukuna’s fingers. Even now, Megumi couldn’t shake the guilt. If only he’d been faster, stronger—he might’ve stopped it. Might’ve saved Yuji from a path that tore his life apart.

Yet, despite it all, he became what Megumi would consider a friend. Easily the biggest doof he'd ever met—somehow managing to be both absurdly reckless and irritatingly good-hearted, resembling you in a weird way. Despite knowing him for such a short time, they’d already faced more together than most do in a lifetime.

And meeting Nobara Kugasaki. A girl he initially thought of as only loud and annoying, proved to be more than capable in more ways than one. Somehow, she managed to grow on him, though not without constantly provoking his every last nerve. Even worse than Toji did—a feat he hadn't thought possible.

He’d been careful not to tell you too much, as hard as it was when he saw your face waiting for him the moment he walked through that front door—a sight for sore eyes if there ever was one. His first year had been chaotic, after all, but he hadn’t lied to you… just carefully sidestepped the truths. You poked and prodded for answers, but he remained evasive, selectively sharing only what he thought was safe for someone as precious as you.

Those text messages you sent? He couldn’t bring himself to respond much—not because he didn’t want to, but because he couldn’t stand the thought of making you worry. Your messages were always so short, almost hesitant—yet somehow, impossibly cute. Strangely endearing in a way that made him smile without meaning to. And they had him staring at his phone far longer than he’d ever admit. Long enough for Yuji to notice, of course, grinning as he tried to snatch the phone from Megumi’s hands, teasing him mercilessly about some "mysterious girlfriend."

There was no way in hell he’d let Sukuna’s vessel or his creepy teacher know about you—let alone meet you. Gojo probably had some inkling about your presence in his life—after all, who in Jujutsu society wasn’t at least vaguely aware of an arranged marriage? Especially one involving someone he had only recently discovered was as much of a social pariah as his father. But even if Gojo knew, Megumi was certain it was only through word of mouth alone, and he intended to keep it that way. You were a part of his life that he refused to let this chaos touch.

But they were good people—people who made him question everything he thought he knew about himself. What kind of person did he want to become? What kind of lives did he want to protect? The answer always circled back to you. You were his constant, the standard by which he measured everything. Someone who deserved better, someone who had endured far more than anyone should, and someone he would never stop trying to be worthy of.

He hated the unfairness of it all. Despised it—the sheer injustice of everything you had endured. The crushing expectations your clan had forced upon you, the suffocating marriage to his father, the unrelenting sense of entrapment that shadowed your every step. None of it was right. And the more he learned from Gojo, the angrier he became. A power system designed to crush those deemed weak or inferior, wielded to maintain a twisted hierarchy.

The true difference between you and Megumi was your golden heart—your unwavering care and strength, even in the face of how he knew you were likely treated within your clan. And yet, it was him who was being praised, lauded for qualities he wasn’t sure he deserved credit for.

That first year had taught him plenty. He’d solidified his choices, made his intentions clear, fully understanding what he was stepping into. And Megumi wasn’t just reflecting on these wrongs—he was determined to set them right, no matter the cost.

To him, you didn’t belong to anyone else—least of all his father. You were his. The very thought of you leaving, of slipping beyond his reach, sent a sharp, desperate ache through his chest. He couldn’t let that happen. He wouldn’t. He’d free you—not just from the chains of your family or his father, but so you could truly be free. Free to choose him. To stay by his side. Always. Forever. Exactly where you belonged.

All he needed was for you to wait for him. Just a little longer.

After that long, grueling first year at school, Megumi finally got to see your beautiful face again. The way your smile lit up the room, the teasing lilt in your voice as you poked fun at him—it was enough to completely unravel him inside. It quietly reassured him that you still cared, easing the self-consciousness that had lingered since the day he left. Somehow, despite everything, it still felt the same. Like nothing had changed. Like home.

He had to restrain himself when he came back—the overwhelming urge to pull you close, to kiss you like he’d always dreamt of, nearly getting the better of him. But no—he wouldn’t risk it. He couldn’t scare you away, not when having you near again felt like the only thing keeping him steady.

And he didn’t want you worrying about him, either. The probing questions you had? He’d place those on the backburner for now. Maybe even forever. That wasn’t what he needed from you. The thought of seeing your broken expression, your worry etched into every line of your face, was enough to haunt him. You were his light, his solace—and he’d do whatever it took to keep it that way.

Since coming back, Megumi had been careful—deliberate—in carving out his place in your life. Every move he made, every word he spoke, was measured and planned, more so than ever before. Subtly, almost imperceptibly, he had begun reshaping the way you saw him. He dropped small, seemingly innocent comments here and there, gently steering your attention toward him and away from anyone else—especially his father. Subtlety was key, he figured.

Every look, every gesture, was a calculated effort to blur the boundaries between you, to shift the nature of your relationship without you even realizing it. He wasn’t content with simply being part of your life—he was determined to make himself the center of it.

He worked tirelessly.

He regretted pulling away before, but if school had taught him anything, it was to cherish these fleeting moments with you. And each day, it seemed his efforts were paying off. You turned to him more often now, seeking his presence, his reassurance. Every question you asked, every flash of that radiant smile, felt like a step closer to what he wanted—to what he needed.

But it still wasn’t enough. He could tell you didn’t see him the way he saw you, didn’t feel the same pull that consumed him. The way he craved you. It ate away at him, the frustration building with every stolen glance, every moment he found himself aching for more. More than your smile, more than your laughter—he wanted all of you, and the thought of waiting drove him mad. He wanted your everything.

At least your eyes were still on him. At least you still cared. For now, that would have to be enough.

But he wasn’t going to stop. He couldn’t. You’d realize it eventually—you had to. And when you did, he’d be there, ready to claim the place in your heart that was always meant for him.

Before you knew it, Megumi was heading back to school, leaving the house quieter than usual. You’d been bracing yourself for another inevitable summons from your clan, surprised by their unusual silence. It was an uncharacteristic delay, one that left you both relieved and unsettled.

When the message finally arrived, it was as if the air grew heavier around you. Steeling yourself, you went, prepared for the worst, knowing all too well the weight that came with their demands. The possibility for retaliation. No. the absolute for retaliation.

As expected, you were met with the same barrage of insults, the words slicing through you with their usual sharpness. But this time, there were no lashings, no physical punishment to endure. The absence of that particular cruelty felt like a small, bittersweet victory. You carried the weight of their scorn on your way home but couldn’t help feeling a tinge of relief that it hadn’t been worse.

Toji was home that day—a surprise that caught you off guard, especially since you’d texted him earlier about your meeting with the clan. He’d mentioned being tied up on another one of his long-winded trips, at least for the next few days. Yet here he was.

He greeted you with his usual detached demeanor, but his eyes betrayed him, scanning you with unnerving precision—a deliberate, assessing once-over that made your stomach twist. Before you could fully process it, he stepped closer, his presence effortlessly commanding the space between you. Instinctively, you recoiled in surprise, but it didn’t deter him.

Without a word, his hand moved with an almost lazy confidence, slipping under the back of your shirt. The warmth of his palm against your skin sent a jolt through you, heat rushing to your cheeks as the intimacy of the gesture froze you in place. You couldn’t move, caught entirely off guard by his boldness, the casual intensity of his touch leaving you breathless and unsure of what to say.

“Relax,” he murmurs, a teasing lilt coloring his voice. His fingers trailed lightly across your skin, as though searching for something. It didn’t take long for him to pause, clearly not finding what he was looking for. With a quiet chuckle, he pulled his hand back, a smirk curving his lips as his eyes locked onto yours.

“Clean this time, huh? Guess they decided to play nice.”

You couldn’t tell if his words were meant to mock or comfort, but the way his eyes lingered on you left your pulse racing, your breath catching in your throat. He stepped back, the teasing edge in his demeanor—his gaze, softening ever so slightly before he turned away, leaving you rooted to the spot.

The warmth of his palm still clung to your skin, your mind spinning, cheeks burning a vivid red. He’d never been this handsy before, but you knew exactly what he was searching for. What you couldn’t quite grasp was why it seemed to matter to him. Then again, when had Toji ever made sense to you?

You and Megumi had been exchanging texts more frequently than ever. It wasn’t something you had expected, but it started after he seemed to notice how upset his silence left you. The habit picked up when he returned to school for his second year. Whether it was guilt or something else driving his newfound consistency, you couldn’t deny the quiet relief that warmed your chest each time your phone pinged with his name.

Megumi’s birthday came and went, and for the first time, you felt comfortable enough to text him without hesitation, inviting him home for a small celebration. "Bring your new friends!" you added hopefully, sprinkling in an emoji or two to lighten the tone.

His reply came swiftly, cutting through your excitement—though, deep down, you should’ve expected it.

"I can’t. I have a mission coming up. I won’t be able to make it."

The disappointment settled heavily in your chest, but you tried not to push. The memory of his last birthday lingered in your mind, making you wonder if he avoided these moments on purpose. Megumi was never the social type, but you couldn’t help wanting to meet his friends, to see the people he spent so much of his time with. And, if you were honest, you missed him. The house always felt quieter, emptier, without him around.

Later that evening, however, your phone buzzed with an unexpected surprise. A picture.

It was Megumi, his expression as stoic and neutral as ever. Standing beside him was a pink-haired boy who couldn’t have been more of a contrast—wide-eyed, grinning ear to ear, brimming with an energy that practically leapt off the screen. The backdrop was lively, vibrant, a fleeting glimpse into the life Megumi was living far away from you.

You lingered on the photo, your fingers brushing lightly over the screen. For all your probing and insistence on wanting to meet his friends, wanting to see him again, you were surprised he’d sent anything at all. Megumi had always been evasive, but this felt like a compromise—his way of meeting you halfway.

He looked… different. He had been looking different for a while now—since arriving at that school. Once again, as always when you saw him, you couldn’t help but notice how much he’d grown. He wasn’t just older; he was changing. Growing up. Making friends. Breaking free from his shell. Enjoying his life in a way you hadn’t seen before.

For a fleeting moment, pride swelled in your chest—warm and undeniable—only to be chased by a bittersweet ache. He was different, and though you were happy for him, the realization of how little he shared with you felt suffocatingly lonely.

And you couldn't help but feel a little…jealous.

The next summer passes much the same, uneventful but filled with moments of quiet reflection. Your clan has kept their distance physically, but their questions have grown intense, more persistent. They never hit you again, though the threat was always there. Prodding for details you refuse to give, their subtle questions suggesting they have something more planned—something you can’t quite decipher yet.

When Megumi returns, it’s impossible to ignore how much he’s changed toward you. At seventeen now, he towers over you—maybe even reaching Toji’s height. His lean frame is noticeably stronger, and his presence feels heavier, more grounded. He still leans on you in his quiet, familiar way—that same energy that had always lingered between you stubbornly remained. But now, it felt… different. A little harder to ignore. A little harder to navigate.

It catches you off guard sometimes, especially when his eyes seem to linger on you just a bit too long. You’d always shrugged it off—those previous years, Toji’s words, even Megumi’s actions. A crush. That’s all it was. A fleeting, innocent crush. One you never addressed, one you assumed he’d outgrow. He’d figure out soon enough where you stood in his life.

But there was something unspoken in his gaze now, something that left your heart uneasy and your thoughts spiraling. You couldn’t help but think back to his bedroom, the night before he first left for school—the way the air had felt heavy, the unspoken tension hanging there ever since. His promise to protect you. That anger of you dismissing him.

That third summer at home felt different—unsettlingly so. The reminder of how much he’d grown. The uncomfortable realization of how much you’d come to lean on him in return. But most of all, the subtle shift in how he acted around you, how he spoke to you, how his presence seemed to take up more space.

Your relationship with him had already felt off before. What could you even do about it now? Especially when he wasn't going to talk about it first?

Yes, that summer was a strange one.

Megumi was determined to win you over.

He was close—so close. With just one more year left until graduation, his plans were nearly complete. All that remained was you.

But despite the way you turned to him more often, leaned on him in ways that only fueled the fire of his obsession, your affection stubbornly stayed confined within the boundaries of platonic care. And for Megumi, that wasn’t enough—not even close.

So he made sure you noticed. Made sure you saw just how much he’d grown.

He began wearing less clothing around the house, casually shirtless as he passed you in the hall, his lean, sculpted frame brushing just close enough for you to feel him. Bare skin ghosting against yours in fleeting touches that lingered in your mind. His voice dipped lower in the mornings, rich and deep as he greeted you, leaning in just a little too close as he reached for one thing or another. The subtle pink that crept into your cheeks didn’t escape him—and he enjoyed every second of it.

His touches grew more deliberate, yet always subtle enough to avoid suspicion. Fingers grazing your waist as he passed, lingering just a beat too long on your arm, or a hand ghosting over the nape of your neck in what seemed like an accident. But none of it was accidental.

It was all calculated—every movement, every look, designed to pull your attention, to fluster you, to shift how you saw him. Like a predator circling its prey, he was patient, methodical, and utterly focused.

And you… you were quite the prize. Every day, he admired you, every glance fueling the fire that burned inside him. The more he pushed, the more flustered you seemed to get, each reaction feeding his obsession. But no matter how carefully he set his traps, how hard he tried to shift the dynamic, you remained painfully oblivious.

If you noticed the changes in him, you didn’t let on—offering only the small, well-meaning comments of someone watching a child grow. But Megumi couldn’t ignore the cracks in your composure, the way your voice faltered or how your cheeks burned when he walked around shirtless. Because really—what mother blushes that much when her stepkid walks by?

It wasn’t enough. It would never be enough.

But Megumi wasn’t done yet. Not by a long shot.

As the summer wore on, his patience began to wane. Subtlety had carried him far, but now it felt too slow, too restrained. His tactics shifted, his determination sharpening. He wanted something more, something that would bring him closer to you—something impossible to ignore.

p.9

p.11

come home

#yandere #dead dove do not eat #male yandere #manipulative #yandere smut #jjk #obsessive yandere #jjk smut #jjk megumi #megumi x reader #megumi fushiguro #megumi x yn #yandere megumi #wisecura

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harlowtales · 1 year ago

Text

Jack needs Y/N more than he realizes when jealousy gets the best of him

18+ ONLY - Adult Themes

***Use of all names is purely fictional

“Where the fuck are you going Y/N?” Jack said surprised to see you packing. He just got back from recording in LA and was going to take a few weeks off.

“I actually made some friends and I’m heading off for a weekend in the country!” You squealed with glee, but Jack did not have a smile on his face. “…and nice to see you too sheesh.” You said rolling your eyes and pushing past him to get to your closet. You were forgetting your crocks and hoping to find a spot for them in your open and overflowing suitcase on the bed.

“No the fuck you aint.” He said like a domineering father.

“Awwww Jackman you’ll be fine without me for 72hours.” You said cheerily finally getting your suitcase closed by sitting on it.

“72 fucking hours ain’t a weekend last I checked.” He said grumpily

“You’ll be fine.” You said ignoring his exasperation and checking the group chat for any updates on who was picking you up when. Jack was a tad dramatic anyway so you didn’t really take him seriously at the moment.

“Not very professional coming from my assistant” he mumbled now distinctly in a bad mood.

“I’m not your assistant. I’m a house guest remember?” You responded now getting irritated that Jack refused to give you any titles in his life whatsoever. Long story short, something happened one night that you both agreed should not have, and had not happened since.

You were renovicted from your apartment as the building was being turned into fancy condos so Jack offered you a place to stay until you found another place. While staying with him you started helping Kat with some work and his team realized how good you were at helping him stay organized. They offered you a job and Jack said no. He was developing feelings for you and didn’t want to mix business with anything more complicated personally. This caused major tension as you felt he was unfairly blocking you from an opportunity and you had a huge fight. He wound up confessing his feelings and makeup sex didn’t make up for anything as he still would not define your relationship.

You were still helping Kat as now an unpaid intern and Jack felt that one night was a mistake and he needed to focus on his career so nothing happened again. He would lay in his bed alone trying to shake the memory. So many nights he texted you to come to his room but deleted it. You both talked about when you would leave and you told Jack about your other plans but he put a stop to that and said he could find you other opportunities and for you to stay in Louisville.

To say you fell hard for him was an understatement. The whole situation was confusing and you didn’t realize how much it was draining you. You started writing a book but having to move short notice derailed the whole thing. You had a publisher waiting and were panicking. Jack suggested you stay until you finished it. He believed in you and didn’t want to be the cause of you loosing your focus either.

This limbo with him had become your new normal. Stolen glances across the breakfast table, incidental brushes passed in the hallway never amounting to little more than frustration but both of you were dedicated to your dreams so didn’t cross the line again. You had to avert your eyes when he would be rushing to get ready drinking tea and checking his phone while fresh out of the shower in a towel around his waist and wet curls.

He had to do the same seeing you prance around in a tank top and sleep shorts with a bonnet on and fuzzy slippers. The way he wanted to bend you over sometimes was too much. In a weird way though you two became happy roommates. There was only one thing Jack wanted and that was for you to be around when he was in town. He said this was for work purposes but it was because he missed you so much when he was away. To see you packing now when you knew he was back made him downright angry.

You hadn’t done it purposely but you had made a new group of friends in the writing community in Louisville and everyone was going on this retreat to work on projects in an idyllic Kentucky country setting. Jack didn’t like there were guys in this group. Sensitive types that were accomplished authors. Just the type that you could bond with intellectually and leave him forever. He knew conversation was your love language so even while he was away he called often but felt like he didn’t have what it took to really stimulate you mentally like those guys.

You felt like you were starting to slip away and maybe it was for the best because nothing was possible with Jack anyway. This one guy in the group Jason was so engaging and you were looking forward to his reading circles and getting to know him this weekend. Jack knew how much you liked Jason’s new novel. He felt so jealous every time he caught you curled up with pups reading it.

“You really like this Jason character huh?” Jack said one night as he had his feet up watching soccer and you were deeply immersed in Jason’s book. He felt like swatting it out of your hands.

“It’s such a moving story. I hope to be half as good as this” You said wistfully smiling showing your one dimple and pushing up your glasses which drove Jack crazy.

“I have no doubt you’re way better than that.” Jack said disdainfully of Jason.

“I’m honoured to even know him. Want some popcorn?” You said cheerily getting pups off you and heading to the kitchen. It was one of your more lazy days at home and you had no idea that Jack was in heaven there with you. He would occasionally glance at you and smile while you were reading wishing you could lay on him and he could hold you giving you kisses on the top of your head as he watched the game. He snapped out of his delusion with the Jason conversation.

“Hey missy did you write at all today?” He would often chide when things he didn’t want to think about crept in or uncomfortable feelings.

“Nope. I’m chilling today.” You said happily taking a huge handful of popcorn. Jack promptly ripped the bowl away from you.

“You want to be as good as some dork Jason? Get off the couch and go to your room and write” he said firmly.

“Fuck you.” You said defiantly grabbing another handful before heading for your room. You knew he was right but didn’t like his bossy tone.

He settled in with pups with a smile on his face knowing he had disrupted your time with Jason’s book and knocked it off the couch for extra enjoyment.

Fast forward back to now. He felt a tightness in his chest with anxiety creeping in. “Does Kat know you’re doing this?” He questioned

“Doing what?” You said distractedly with air quotes as you texted Emily you were almost ready.

“Y/N.” Jack said trying to get your attention “I need details. You live here, and I kinda feel responsible if anything happens to you.” He said concerned

“Jack it’s all good. Emily will be here in like 15mins don’t worry there’s going to be 20 people there. Jason is leading the whole thing for up and comers like me and I’m so excited to learn from him. I really need his advice.”

“You won’t be up and cumming at all at any point on this trip understand?” He said looking down on you every bit asserting his 6 foot 3 frame.

“Relax alpha male” You said touching his chest in a way that made him raise an eyebrow and tingle. Old Jack would have you on your back so fast it would make your head spin, but he had matured and just hoped one day when he had more time for a relationship he hadn’t permanently fucked it up with you.

“I’ll see you in a few days. Only call me in an EMERGENCY. Got it? And look after my puppy.” You said roughing up pup’s curly fur and kissing her while she panted joyfully in Jack’s arms. Emily texted she was downstairs. You gathered your things and stepped into the elevator that opened up directly into Jack’s penthouse.

“You’re upsetting pups but have fun.” Jack said cradling her as if protecting her from your cruelty.

You breathed a deep sigh of relief as the elevator doors closed. Jack was passed clingy now and totally dependent on you. “Well pups it’s just you and me here this weekend. Or does it have to be?” He said picking up his phone and scrolling to see what ex would answer and come over, but that didn’t feel right. He decided to order dinner since you weren’t there to cook a home cooked meal and write some new stuff. A song about a girl he couldn’t be with but couldn’t leave.

PART 2

Jack was miserable the entire 3 days. Nobody could get him out of the house. He sank into a place where he just wrote songs in the dimly lit studio. He rejected offers to play soccer, to go to the Hub and DJ, to hang out with one of his exes who was just “checking in” that he easily could have had swing by and scratch his itch. The problem was he had nothing to scratch. You were on his mind heavy and he couldn’t shake it.

“Hunny Urban called me and said you’re in a funk. Want to talk to your old mom about it?” Jack’s mom said in her loving way when her son was in a low mood.

“Naw I’ll be fine I just…I need to just be more my own man.” He said reflectively

“Who is she this time?” His mom said completely unaware of the whole dynamic but had suspected Jack and you had something happen at some point. She just knew her son too well. You were completely what he was looking for and it bewildered her why you weren’t a couple already. “Did you and Y/N have another argument? Hunny you know she’s headstrong but she’s an intelligent girl. You’re a writer you get it.”

“We didn’t have a fight. She’s a good roommate.” Jack said dismissively

“Ok I’ll pretend that’s the truth.” His mom said

“She just…she doesn’t understand certain things, like it’s not important to her, she just flounces around foot loose and fancy free ya know? Like her book is due and she’s reading another book by some fucktard author she’s crushing on. Makes no sense. She lacks discipline ya know?” Jack said way more than he wanted to.

“Oh I see.” His mom replied pensively. “She’s a fly by the seat of her pants kinda gal but works for you for free tending to your business everyday but she’s not responsible. As I understand she cooks too with her busy schedule that revolves around you and looks after the dog? Is it maybe this little crush on someone else your issue?”

“You know what? I need to focus and she needs to focus. She could never be my girl because I need someone so opposite to her. I mean the other day I walked in on her feeding pups extra treats and singing and dancing with her like what?” Jack said critically but obviously in pain missing your sweet goofiness.

“Wow sounds like a real bad situation.” His mom said rolling her eyes on the other end but Jack could feel it.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me mom.” He said defensively. “It doesn’t sound like a big deal but it is. You know what? As soon as she gets back imma tell her she needs to find somewhere else to go because this ain’t working. I can’t even have girls in my crib anymore like a normal man.”

“So she’s away? And where’s all these girls in your crib as you say.” His mom asked. She had a way of talking to Jack that made him come to his own conclusions.

“Mom don’t start.” He said “She’s irresponsible. She knows she’s supposed to be here when I’m here. It’s unprofessional for her to just bounce and be out in god knows where countryside retreat or wherever the fuck she went with his Jason loser. So he’s written a few books. Does he have platinum records? Does anyone know who da fuck this guy is?” Jack fumed his anxiety on full display.

“Wait. Y/N is on a writing retreat with THE Jason Meyers??? Hunny this is great for her! He’s a 4 time New York Times bestselling author! This could be Y/N’s big break!” His mom said excitedly

“You know, why am I even talking to you? I gotta go pups is hungry and needs a walk.” Jack said using his dog as an excuse to get out of a conversation that was bringing up all his insecurities.

“Ok hunny I’m here if you need me I love you!” His mom said cheerfully

Jack was so frustrated nobody understood him. The walk with pups did him good and he went to the gym to work off some steam. He felt much better and was lying on the couch drifting off when he heard the elevator doors open and you rustling around. He jumped up and startled pups who ran to greet you. “Hello pupsy wupsy!” You said so happy to see her.

“Hey.” You said cooly to Jack

“Sup” He said ultra casually, not moving from the couch.

“It’s ok don’t move to help with my suitcase.” You said sarcastically as you struggled with it down the hallway to your room.

“Wasn’t planning on it.” He said after you lazily snuggled in a blanket.

You had a great time, but wasn’t going to tell Jack about the offer you had from Jason to read your manuscript and pitch it to his publisher to get you more money and way more exposure. Jack didn’t seem to like Jason and it would only put him in a pissier mood than he already was these days. You decided to stay in your room away from him and got comfortable in bed so tired from the long drive.

You heard a soft knock on your door. “Come in.” You called out as you changed channels on the TV.

“Does my breath stink or something? Why you didn’t come out of your room?” Jack asked sitting on the bed. He was waiting for you to tell him all about it.

“Jack. Leave me be please I’m exhausted, and no time for whatever mood you’ve been in.” You said honestly

“Y/N can we talk?” He asked softly. You immediately knew it was important by the scrunch in his brow.

“Of course are you ok? I’ve been concerned. You’re always so supportive and the minute I have this big opportunity to network you’re so down on me. Did I do something wrong?” You asked looking him directly in his warm blue eyes

“Y/N….this thing we’re doing… or not doing…I can’t do it anymore. While you were away I had a chance to think and talk to my mom and ummm, I hope we can still be friends but…” He hesitated

“Say no more. I’m as good as fucking gone. Lucky I haven’t even unpacked because I won’t. I’m out. If I can just sleep that would be great and then say no more. I’ll leave in the morning.” You said completely done at this point. “Get some other flunkie to watch your dog and make your breakfast, and schedule your life. I have things to do in MY LIFE!!!” You yelled and burst into tears. “…and fuck any deals. Fuck Jason fuck Kentucky!”

“Whoah whoah whoah what? Fuck Jason what happened? Did he…did you guys…”

“No. Jason is engaged to a ballet dancer he is very much spoken for. I just admired him and his work.” You said now a teary mess. “He offered to read my book and pitch to his publisher but fuck all that now. Every time I get something good I have to move again. I hate it here!!!! Kiss my ass bluegrass!!.” You said now full on bawling.

“Y/N that’s fantastic!!” Jack said but realized what he had done and how he had been making you feel for months. “I’m so sorry I’m a complete fool.”

“You’ve always got me on some rollercoaster. I’m the fool!” You said hitting him now in frustration “Get off my bed! Your bed…what the fuck ever! I don’t fucking care anymore!” You yelled but Jack interrupted you with a massive tight hug and you collapsed in his arms so weary from fighting him and this “arrangement”.

“I can do no right with you. You’re sooooo fucking bossy!” You said but it felt so good to be hugged by him, to feel his warmth.

“Y/N please I ain’t that bad, am I?” Jack asked kind of knowing the answer.

“So bossy.” You restated calming down now and blowing your nose.

“Ok damn. I get it I’m bossy.” He said partially offended but knowing he was hard on you because he didn’t want to wind up in bed and in love. You had the potential to hurt him more than he could handle. With both of you distracted with work it was his hope it would prevent anything from happening “Kiss my ass bluegrass is next level though that was too far.” He laughed.

“I was wrong.” He continued “I can learn from you and relax sometimes and I been an asshole pushing you. I thought you were hung up on Jason and I couldn’t take it. I was a shell of myself when you left. I barely left the condo.”

“Are you serious?” You said between sniffles. “I was literally only gone for 3 days. You’re kind of pathetic”

“Thanks.” He said sarcastically “I’m just so dependent on you now and that’s my fault. If you want to leave and find a real relationship I can’t hold you, but if you give me a do over I would really really love that and I would show you I love you because I do. I realized how much the last little while so I amped up being a hard ass to run from my feelings. Matter fact, I got you something months ago and been too scared to give it to you. One sec” He said and disappeared. He returned with a jewelry box and gestured for you to take it.

You froze. Was this happening? “One minute this man was ready to kick me out and now a damn near proposal?” You thought with your head pounding from all the crying and screaming. You waited for him to open the box.

Inside was a blinding diamond fountain pendant and chain. “Welcome to team Private Garden Y/N, my new Senior Assistant. I hope a salary of $150,000 a year is helpful and Kat now reports to you. I hope the title permanent live-in girlfriend suits you as well. No hiding, this our shit now and everyone will know. You cool with that?”

“Well…I don’t know I might be on a book tour but I’ll see if I can pencil your little job offer in.” You said lifting up your hair as Jack placed the stunning piece around your neck. The fans seeing that symbol of being team PG was going to send the internet into a frenzy but for now you were savouring this moment.

“Take it or leave it, but please never leave me and pups again. I had left over pizza all weekend.” Jack said tackling you and planting a deep kiss on your lips with pups barking excitedly.

“Wow. You are so sad.” You said teasing him and kissing him with his full weight on top of you, he started to rise and you knew it was the time you both had wanted for so long. You turned off your bedroom light “Oh Jack” you moaned.

@itsyagirljaz @okaaay-mice @ride4harlow

#jack harlow #fanfic #jackman thomas harlow #jack harlow fanfic #romance #dramatic #jack harlow smut #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow x y/n

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z00lea · 11 months ago

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about the mutual cannibalism: how and when did it start? The cult itself already was cannibalistic, but how did the newly indoctrinated Narinder deal with eating and being eaten? Who of the two was the one to initiate?

And I mean, the cannibal doctrines all come from the doctrine book so I think he would be used to it or at least familiarized enough. People die, their bodies get used to feed the cult, sometimes sacrifice an elder or a dissenter to feed everyone else and all that

Now about their own interactions, as I said before it is all about metaphors for devotion and love and all that but also a way to feed Narinder's ego and give him some power, he has been usurped and now has to deal with all the mortal things a body has to offer (even if in this au situation he keeps immortality) so the Lamb might as well let him act on some instinct and also win a battle here and there for his own satisfaction and for the Lamb to act as a sacrifice to him as well (without losing their own crown or actually being erased), my Lamb also does do the same to him but their consumption of him is definately more inclined to the devotion and obsession end of things. They love their god and to consume or be consumed by him is proof of their worship

As of how it started,, probably a sex thing, most likely a sex thing,,,, oopsie bit ya too hard once oh wait a minute this aint bad why not experiment around kinda deal. Weird therapy but good for them !

#ask #yap yap yap yap

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jirai-info-archive · 7 months ago

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@jiraioshi hi thanks for your hard work~! I want to know if you have any personal shoe recommendations for jirai kei shoes ~ I can’t quite wear loafers as they slip off my feet (?) but if that’s all you have that’s okay too! My size is about 24.5 cm to 25 in case that matters.

Thank you 🥰

(off topic but jirai aint a fashion/theres multiple fashions u could be talking bout but ima assume u mean girly kei/dark girly kei!! pls lmk the name of the fashion next time/nm here a link 2 a post that has the most seen (imo) fashions in the jirai community ⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆ )

you can always get plainer shoes and diy them!

thrifting

i think jpn stores may be ur best bet but i shall look for sum that r not from japanese stores

(edit: as a note Honey Wardrobe is a reseller from taobao)

pls lmk if this wasnt helpful!! and go follow @j-fashion-archive cuz their blog is dedicated to J-fashion!/nf

#⋆｡‧˚not reblogs˚‧｡⋆#⋆｡‧˚info˚‧｡⋆#⋆｡‧˚misc˚‧｡⋆#⋆｡‧˚text˚‧｡⋆#⋆｡‧˚girly kei˚‧｡⋆#⋆｡‧˚fashion˚‧｡⋆#⋆｡‧˚shops˚‧｡⋆#🐇

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yawurstnightmare · 7 months ago

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Hey Scout I got a maybe odd question, is it hard finding wide leg shorts? You're a runner after all so the muscles in your legs would be much more defined thus your thighs as well. I hope this wasn't too weird, sorry.

Nah, it aint too hard for me ta find some wider-leg shorts! Most a da styles dat are in right now aren't supa tight, an' I got leaner muscles ta begin with anyways. Most a da time I just gotta buy a size or two up an den I slap on a my belts on so dey stay on.

#tf2 #tf2 scout #runner replies #runner rambles

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hazelenergy · 7 months ago

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Rules: If you're tagged, make a new post with links to music and/or lyrics describing the following...

Thank you @gorbalsvampire for the tag! Now for some oc brianworms music:

Event that defines your character's past:

Would You Come To My Funeral by the Crawlers Would you come to my funeral And mourn the me you never knew? ... But would you come to my funeral? There's a seat laid out for you I couldn't pass without telling you That I miss you

How your character sees themselves:

Advice & Vices by Chelsea Wolfe Cause I never listen to my own best advice, no Like one thing leads to another Like one heart bleeds for another

As Above, So Below by Sunshine Blind Another few weeks and I'll be somewhere else Another city or another country Out of money wearing dirty laundry ... Another few words and I'll be someone else My face depends on the storytelling What I am will be what I'm selling Who forgets who? May be just as well I may forget you I may forget myself

How others view them: going to be honest, there's a lot of feelings towards hazel, heres a few:

E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY LIFE! by CORPSE, Savage Ga$p "Man, I swear these goth girls finna fuck up my life"

I Hope You Die in a Fire by Grand Commander [self explanatory]

Warm Shadow by Fink Won't you stop breakin' in Red sky, red light, awakenin' And I don't want another day to break, no no no Take our, steal our night away

Wolf Like Me by Lera Lynn ft Shovels and Rope Baby doll, I recognize Your hideous thing inside If ever there were a lucky kind, it's You, you, you, you

Their closest relationship (platonic or romantic):

Anywhere but Here by PVRIS Smells like jasmine and clover Blood rushin' over And over and over Now we drop our composure Drunken or sober Just take me home 'cause I need you now

A major fight scene:

This one is less of a fight scene and more of a humanity drop moment with her 1st coterie: My Name Is Human by Highly Suspect Get up off your knees, girl Stand face to face with your God And find out what you are

Sabotage by the Beastie Boys this one has a particular scene from Hazel's first chronicle. She and her coterie discovered the headquarters the SI in Atlanta. The coterie all knew they were the Cam's favorite scapegoat, and decided to make sure the problem was uprooted before word ever reached their most merciful Prince's ears... or worse, their adoptive sire. Cue molotov cocktails, chase scenes to lure hunters into danger, computers being blue screened and harddrives smashed, and one explosion with three thinbloods not turning back to look at. It was almost perfect. Almost.

Opening credits song:

Atlanta: Six Feet Deep by The Warning But it's way too late, nothing left to hate Such a bitter taste, what a shame ... Yeah, what you gonna say when you're choking on my name? 'Cause it's over Six-feet deep I'll be seeing you underground! Got you figured out! Can't get any lower now 'Cause it's over Six-feet deep

Miami/Tampa: can u see me in the dark? by Halestorm, I Prevail Broken bones and blood shot eyes I hope you like my new disguise We're not the same, you and I So don't you dare forget In this crowded room alone In the search of things unknown The face I wear is not my own So don't you forget .... Come feast your eyes on me .... So can you see me in the dark? Are you watching it all fall apart?

OKC Interlude: Aint Killed Me Yet by Adia Victoria … So pour me one last drink And lit me one last smoke And keep the jukebox paid 'til we both go broke Now, it's a hard way of living but The living ain't killed me yet

@tommysdiner @duskbornbitchqueen (if yall havent already done so, tag youre it!)

#finally done!#oc music!#hazel the thinblood

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firelord-frowny · 10 months ago

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lame feels

not meeeeeeeeeee watching chloeXhalle videos and almost crying with jealousyyyy bc its hard for me not to see them as an example of the success that can be achieved by talented people when they have a network of people who actually want to support them in reaching their goals lmaoooo

they, particularly, stir up envy/self pity in me because i feel like i even resemble them physically??? i mean not in a way where someone might say i'm a ~look alike,~ but the general features are of a similar variety??? wide, slanted eyes on an alien-shaped face. same skin tone. well-defined lips, full cheeks, tiny chin.

and they didn't just materialize into fame and recognition by the sheer magnitude of their talent.

everybody who ever gets anywhere doing anything, at some point along the way, had PEOPLE! People who helped. People who freely gave their time and energy. People who took chances. People who gave something valuable that they had to offer, knowing and accepting that they may never get anything in particular in exchange.

i don't care what anyone says - personal hard work and dedication are obviously prerequisites for any kind of journey from nobodiness to success. But if absolutely 0 people that they ever encounter go out of their way to open a door, you aint achieving shit. Even in a case where somebody gets overlooked and turned away again and again and again and again, your eventual success is still only realized when someone FINALLY decides that you're deserving of the resources they have.

And I look at all these successful people that I've admired over the years, and I learn about their pasts, and about how so-and-so took a chance on them, or their whole family moved to a new state or even a new country so they could more easily access the things that will help them achieve their goals, or their moms flew them all around the country for auditions, or arranged for them to be homeschooled so they could focus on honing their crafts and have more time to pursue opportunities, blah blah...

someone important in your life, before you had the wisdom or the power or the funds to do things on your own, made the decision that your aspirations were more important than their convenience. Someone had to think that you were worth investing in. Someone had to believe that by helping you succeed, they succeed, too.

my parents sent me to one single orchestral festival when I was 15 and it cost them $6,000 and they have not let me live it down ever since. they drove me once a week to a violin lesson 35 minutes away and STILL complain about how much gas it took to get there and back. Each and every time they attended any of my performances, they didn't gush over how well I did or how proud they were during our drive home. No - they tallied up how much time they "lost" out of their day because of me. "It took us an hour to get ready, then another hour to drive out here. So that's already two hours. Then the performance started late, so that's an extra twenty minutes. The concert itself was an hour and a half, so now that's about four hours. Then it took you 10 whole minutes to come out from backstage and get ready to get in the car. And now there's traffic on the way home. So that's over five hours we just spent on you today. And you only played for six and a half minutes."

?????????????????? sorry???????????? i'm a Serious Musician studying music seriously. i have auditions. i have performances. I just DO. Why the whole helling fuck are you tallying up the time you've ~had~ to spend on the pursuit of my goals like it's something I DID to you?? Like you'd rather be doing anything else on earth besides nurturing the growth of the child you had on purpose? Like your world would be so much more peaceful if I was a pet rock instead of a gifted human being.

and god, for my whole entire life - truly, my ENTIRE life until this day - they love, love, LOVE to tell me how ~ungrateful~ they think I am.

I'M SORRY???? what the hell else do you want me to do or say??? What was I supposed to do on the way home from an audition or a performance other than smile and hug you and say thank you? I asked for literally nothing. I wasn't a greedy kid. I didn't demand new shoes or beg for video games. I didn't ask to go to parties. I didn't ask for money. I wasn't bratty. And when I was told 'no' regarding the few sorts of things I DID ask for, I didn't throw a fit over it. I didn't even ask to be taken to all these auditions and performances! I didn't throw tantrums when I didn't get my way. I didn't beg for things they couldn't afford. I didn't accuse them of being shitty parents if they didn't provide every itty bitty thing I wanted. I was such a normal kid. With a normal amount of needs that required a normal amount of my parents time and money. i still don't know what the hell kind of ~gratitude~ they're looking for. I ask them and they can't even tell me. the most they'll ever say is "well! you need to help out more!"

"ok, with what?"

"just help out more!"

"WITH? WHAT?"

"You need to contribute!"

CONTRIBUTE TO WHAT??? HELP WITH WHAT??? GIVE ME A FUCKING LIST! DRAW UP AN ITINERARY! A CONTRACT! A DEMAND LETTER! TELL ME A TASK! DESCRIBE A SPECIFIC PHYSICAL ACTION THAT WOULD DEMONSTRATE TO YOU THAT I APPRECIATE THE THINGS YOU PROVIDE!!! TELL ME WHAT YOUR CURRENCY IS!!!!

"you're not a giver! you're just a taker!"

ok well you know what i have to give???

The Fuck Up.

i give the fuck up! i give up! i give up! i give up trying to convince you that the success and eventual independence of your kid is its own reward. i give up trying to figure out what it is that i'm not doing that, if i did it, would inspire you to support me without reminding me of all the time and money you've lost just so I could have a chance to get good at something that would someday turn me into a functioning adult who would be able to thank you years later by taking good care of you when you're too old to take care of yourselves.

I don't know what the hell else you wanted from me at 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18. I know that now, at 30, I should finally HAVE something that i could give back, but i don't, and the real fucking truth at the root is that that's more YOUR fault than it is mine. Granted, it's my responsibility to fix it now, and it's my job to give myself what I didn't get before, and each and every coming day that I spend doing something other than nurturing my own growth is on me, and if I never ever ever get anything I want in my life, that will be 100% my fault.

But I didn't grow myself up into this person. I didn't behave my own way into feeling so worthless.

you plant a goddamn cherry blossom in eight inches of clay and then water it with gasoline and light it on fire and then scold it for not growing. what a joke.

i'm trying so so so so so so so hard to make myself believe the truth that I AM worth investing in. I AM worth partnering with. But I swear to fucking god - legit, no exaggeration, no hyperbole - if I even think too hard about involving anyone else in the pursuit of my goals in any way, shape, or form, i burst into tears. guilt, anger, grief. blunt-force agony of utter embarrassment.

why would anyone want to start a string quartet with me? why would anyone want to co-author/illustrate children's books with me? why would anyone in any position of authority want to spare a few minutes to discuss a business proposal with me? why would anyone believe that my talent could bring value to their preexisting projects? why would someone even look at me when they could watch paint dry instead?

what a fucking MONUMENT i could have been by now if anyone ever cared enough to set me up for success back when it was their job to do so. god, the CONFIDENCE i could have grown into if, back when it mattered, the influential people in my life treated me like I was worth their time. if anyone had ever expressed joy and pride when I succeeded at anything. if anyone had ever done or said anything to make me feel like they enjoyed watching me be good at something.

But why shower your intellectually and artistically gifted child with encouragement and help put them in a position to keep reaching new heights when instead you can fucking hit them for missing the bus and failing a math test lmao amirite?

i look at somebody successful who has anything in common with me and my heart fucking SHATTERS because they were worthy enough for someone to go above and beyond for, and I wasn't. Somebody was proud to help them succeed. my people were never even glad to help me get by, let alone flourish.

i swear im trying to do it for myself now but it is SO HARD to see through this fog.

#this post isn't about what i thought it was going to be about

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audio-luddite · 1 year ago

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Everything is wrong.

Speakers this time.

I have built quite a few and almost every one I worked on followed a different theory, or method. Full range, planar, omni-directional, bipolar, boxes vented and not. I have done them all. They are all wrong if you define that by some rigorous scientific basis. Some work pretty well. And I think I have gotten pretty close from time to time.

I speak from experience, and know why I got the results I did.

So start from Theory. There isn't one. Advertisements will quote some "white paper" which justifies their particular approach. Anyone can write one of those. Hey I have. I have seen line sources, point sources, and this and that all quoted as the perfect ideal. Like that silly movie, there can be only one.

So let's start out with the receiving end, your ears. That anything allows you to hear the image of real music is due to the magic in your head. Your hearing can be fooled because it wants to be. You do not hear a sound, your brain processes what is effectively a stereo real time FFT of incoming frequencies and amplitudes and tries very hard to fit a pattern of expectations. You actually perceive the best fit pattern your brain selects. Poor sound is when your brain tells you it aint quite right. The closer to expectation the better quality.

The most basic starting point is a broad frequency response. After that chuck ideals and perfection into the bin.

If you are at a concert you are not listening to a point source, but a multitude of many sources. Same thing for line sources. They are a starting point of rationalization. The image in your system is an effect of skillful mixing or production. Accept it aint real.

The QUAD ESL 63 was intended to simulate a point source by an array of diaphragms sequenced to respond as if they were a point source. It is actually a phase array by delaying the signals from centre to perimeter. Waste of effort as relatively simple "flat arrays" sounded pretty much the same.

The Dahlquist DQ10 was a complex set of conventional drivers in a 5 way breakdown that adjusted the fore and aft position of the drivers to compensate for the phase distortion of the cross overs. It worked very well when given enough power. It was often compared to the QUAD. You could not have more different technologies at work.

Full range drivers never quite are. The closest are BIG electrostatics, but the BASS tends to drop off and the Treble beams. Damn Physics gets you every time.

Multiple driver arrays all suffer from interference of some type. Vertical lines of tweeters comb filter vertically. So stand up or sit down and stay there. Adjacent drivers comb filter horizontally, but you still see those from time to time.

Concentric drivers are OK if they are within size limitations, and of course really only good for two-way systems.

My biggest complaint is bipolar or omni-directional speakers. They all disappoint me. Electrostatics and planar magnetics send as much out the back as the front. So you get a lot of "signal" bouncing around the room making multipath and phase interferences and imbalances. Omni speakers like the classic OHM Walsh drivers same thing. Oh they fill a room with sound but it is not coherent. Coherence is good.

Fun fact is they all can be perceived as working very well, when they really are not.

Your brain really wants to be fooled. If you sit close enough to speakers the initial signal to your ears is what your brain attends. The later incoherence is disregarded or given far less priority. That lets those multi-path beasts get away with it.

Proximity also affects frequency response. Small Bass shy non-linear speakers like the BBC LS3/5a sound pretty good in a small place. Less good in a bigger space.

So right now I am listening to a pair of two way bass reflex boxes set hard against the opposite wall of my room. They are exactly where "experts" would say is the worst place to put them. I like the way they sound as I built them to be in that wrong place. Is this me rationalizing or did I get it right?

No way to know objectively, but I like it.

See it always factors down to what you like.

#audiophile #high end audio #vinyl

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johnniesmoke · 5 months ago

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Scene of the Crime - Analysis - Song -

Johnnie Smoke’s "Scene of the Crime" captures the essence of an artist entrenched in his own narrative, blending ambition, self-reflection, and a touch of mystery. The song feels like a cinematic experience, where every line serves as a snapshot of his journey. From the opening lines, the listener is drawn into a world where Smoke controls the pace, inviting us to witness his ascent while acknowledging the fleeting nature of success.

The repeated motif of crime and mystery isn’t just metaphorical; it suggests an artist aware of the stakes, treating his artistry like a heist—meticulously planned, thrilling, and high-stakes. The mention of “fortune and fame” reflects both desire and critique, questioning what true success looks like when the conditions are relentless, unforgiving, and petty. He stands at the crossroads of ambition and introspection, balancing the thrill of the game with its emotional toll.

Musically, the track's rhythm and flow create a hypnotic loop, reinforcing themes of time, destiny, and self-made legacy. Lines like “I don’t want to wait around until we cross paths” emphasize an urgency that defines Smoke’s journey. He’s not waiting for opportunities; he’s carving his own path. He’s relentless, yet contemplative, a renegade charting his own legend.

Lyrics -- Johnnie Smoke

Scene of the Crime / Here for the smoke. / Let me know just how you want this to go. / We can get down. / You know about it. / Give you the tour. / Have a nice look around. /

Enjoy it while it lasts, / And baby just know, / When I leave, I'm not coming back. / Hustle, on one hundred. Let me tell you something. / Since early on, I've been on the Startrack. / Could you be down with that? /

Singing hum, diddi do diddi da diddi di / I do it all just to get set free. / Thank you. Thank you. / Here's a kiss on the cheek. /

Johnnie Smoke coming through with the steeze. / They could name that genre after me. / Deemed to be the legend that has gone everywhere and back. / What do you know about that? /

Scene of the Crime / Here for the Smoke. / Let me know just how you want this to go. / Live from the scene of the crime, / Yeah, the scene of the crime. / Let me know just how you want this to go. /

Its like frozen in time. / You can turn my game on anywhere. / Try the scene of the crime. / Alright, alright. / I'm a lonely boy, howling for the love of my life. / She puts on something tight, and I tell her she looks nice. / Got a pretty look in her eyes, / And the dream rolls on at the scene of the crime. /

Oh, baby, what did you find? / You could go through my phone. / Yeah, that would be alright / At the scene of the crime. /

Oh baby, what did you find? / Did you find it in your heart to give me what I want? / I uncovered something with this one / At the scene of the crime./

Oh Baby, what did you find? / Did you find the machine stopped the time? / I don't want to wait around until we cross paths. / Finding, your soulmate is tough in this life. /

When can I be granted what I believe I'm promised? / No, it ain't shallow what I want bae. / I've got pride in the plan. / The scene of the crime. / Fortune and fame. /

Fortune and fame. Still shoving even though the conditions are relentless, unforgiving, and petty. / Pretty but she aint' the dream I need, / Like a CEO does a business. / I'm about to head up the generation on the tracks they will be crawling to me, how I pick with so many choices? /

Listen, it's no hard feelings on my end of the iceberg, it's melting, by the way. / Save the bears, save the penguins, save the shores, save the dates in the mail ,congratulations due. / Hopefully, we can talk about a scene of the crime / Here's a moment of silence. /

What else is new? / Hopping out of bed, an ace on the books. / Yeah, I'm still in school. / That extra time, that's what music does. /

I took it slow, seven, eight years, did it right. / Got an album, and it's sounding tight. / Oh no, this didn't happen overnight. / A lot of time went by / At the scene of the crime. /

#soundcloud #actors #beauty #business #celebrities #culture #music #design #cameras #comics #lyric posting #lyrics #lyric quotes

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thekingofwinterblog · 1 year ago

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what would you change in MHA, or do you think it's mostly perfect?

Change?

Holy shit there is a lot i would change about My Hero Academia if i had been writing it, or been Hori's Editor.

and for this one, im not even going to touch the final arc, which is saved mostly by the fact that every climax ultimately worked(with one exception) and it was just the road getting there that needed some mayor overhauls.

anyway, in somewhat chronological order.

Bakugo and Izuku's Relationship.

One of the most contentious aspects of My Hero Academia, is the relationship between Izuku and Bakugo.

However, i actually thought this relationship as it was written was fine innitially, as though i came to despise Bakugo's ultimate role during the final battle, for the most part i Really liked his character... But looking back on the series, i ultimately have to agree with the haters.

This relationship was a trainwreck... or at least after a certain point.

See, it's painfully, obviously clear that Hori had an idea of how he wanted this relationship to go all the way up until their fight at night on the school grounds.

After that though... While there were moments where Bakugo showed that he had grown, ultimately Bakugo's interaction with Izuku did not fundamentally change, the only thing that changed was that now Izuku had finally stopped having a mixture between disdain and admiration for him, and now just admired him, which makes for some incredibly hard and frankly depressing reading.

there is one comedy gag page that perfectly illustrates EVERYTHING bad about this relationship post a certain point.

This page... is funny. it's very much a crossing the line twice kinda humor where something is just so wrong that it goes right back to being hilarious.

The problem... is that this page takes place AFTER that big rematch between Izuku and Bakugo.

Thus what could be very dark comedy, instead just hammers in the point that Bakugo hasnt changed. ironically enough he's changed with a lot of his classmates, but not izuku.

He is still an abusive cunt towards izuku... only now it's not treated as a horrible flaw of his character, and instead just a wacky quirk of his.

I hate it.

I dont know what caused this direction, wheter it was Hori not having any idea of how to take bakugo after this fight, or his editor not wanting bakugo to change too much, or whatever... but whatever it is, it is terrible.

it is the worst direction you could have taken these two short of hooking them up.

There are ways to make Izuku ultimately forgiving bakugo and moving on compelling... but this sure aint it.

why is is the depressing tale, of Endeavor's storyline about trying to make up for superpowered eugenics, raping his wife to produce his third and fourth child, beating and abusing his sons, and all of their various reactions to all of it, given infinitly more depth, nuance and frankly more compelling dynamics and outcomes than izuku's most defining relationship outside of his relationship with All Might?

SERIOUSLY, WHY???

There are SOOO many BETTER ways to do this, wheter Izuku actually forgives bakugo or not, this frankly is one of the worst directions MHA ever went.

and speaking of Izuku's "most important" relationships...

Izuku/Uraraka

People joke that Izuku and uraraka has way more dynamic relationships with their respective rivals and theyre not wrong.

At all.

This relationship, is boring. very, very boring.

And that's withouth taking into account that it never gets off the ground(and frankly speaking, i DONT CARE if it does during the last few chapters.), and though they have a few nice moments during the series that shows they are good friends, ultimately they never reach even the bare minimum of the kinds of dynamics that makes "Will they or wont they?" stories fun to read.

Honestly Hori should either have gone all in of actually making their relationship a defining aspect of Izuku's journey, he should have paired izuku up with someone else, or he should have never opened the can of romance in the first place.

I honestly dont care which, so long as he had stuck to it.

I read about this exact relationship in the main pairing of Hajime No Ippo, and it was about as interesting there, as it was here.

none whatsoever.

More Arcs to let Class 1-a Develop.

one of the biggest issues MHA has, is that Hori wasted the potential 3 years the main cast had at school, during which he had more than enough time that he could have developed his characters.

He did not need to make this series as long as One piece, but he had plenty of potential for getting more out of his school setting before he tore everything down during the first war arc.

and the biggest casualty of this rushing of the story, is that half of class 1-A never really got an arc to shine, before everything went to hell, so their development had to be crammed in at the very end.

Ultimately that worked for Aoyama, but not anyone else.

So just for fun, i decided to make a chart of every member of 1-A who never really got any real development or arcs or at least mayor parts of arcs devoted to their development, by the time the final battle came(not counting aoyama who worked pretty in his role), and it had to be rushed, rushed, rushed.

mina, tsuyu, ojiro, Kaminari, Kouda, Satou, Shouji, Sero, Hagakure, Mineta.

10 all in all.

im not saying that all of 1-A needed the kind of arc dedication Todoroki got, but the fact that half the main cast was horribly underdeveloped with little exploration of their backstories is a travesty(i dont think we ever even learned WHY Tsuyu became a hero, which illustrates the problem quite well.).

There were room for more arcs, given Hori could have had Shigaraki's transformation period last for way, way longer.

Star and Stripe

I really liked star and stripe, and given how her little arc ultimatly amounted to nothing, and just how broken Shigaraki ended up being during the final arc, i have NO idea why the hell her swan song wasn't there instead.

Seriously, just from a thematic standpoint, it would have made so much more sense for her final sacrifice to happen during the great climactic final battle, rather than a scirmish in the sky that had no real plot signifigance whatsoever.

Have Izuku and Eri spend some time together before she goes back.

i dont really get this one.

From a basic storytelling perspective, izuku should would need to develop at the very least some kind of actual bond beyond bumping into her, for her going back to have its full impact.

and it wouldn be hard either. Have Izuku and mirio pick her up as a lost child, have her pal around with them during the patrol for a chapter or two, have them bond with her and us getting some idea of her personality... then boom, her going back home has WAY stronger impact as we at the very least actually know the girl.

It would be an easy, simple and effective change.

Develop the Paranormal Liberation Front

the whole, rushing to the war arc didnt just hurt class 1-A, but also their opposition.

Hori could have devoted an entire arc to Hawks infiltration of the front, and learned how it's main non league members actually ticked, how they ended up here, and what their actual personalities were at the bare minumum.

If he had, at the very least the final arc could have had better minor antagonists who we had some connection to, rather than a bunch of nameless filler characters.

would have given a lot of the final arc's lesser fights a lot more omph thats for sure.

Im sure there is more, but at the moment i cant actually think of anything.

Anyway, there area lot of issues with MHA that could have been fixed with a redraft.

#my hero academia #meta #questions and answers #story flaws

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brianyololau · 2 years ago

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October 26, 2023

I hung out at Sammie's place the other day and bought her parents a box of doughnuts. It was my first time officially meeting them in the comfort of their home. Apparently, they loved the gesture, and Mr. Barrios told Sammie he'd never been given food like that in his own home before. Coming from an Asian upbringing, that kind of treatment is unheard for me. Gift giving is rooted in my culture from Lunar New Year to casually visiting other families for me. It's like saying thank you for allowing me to be in your life, and here's a token of my appreciation for that.

I felt pretty warm and proud inside when Sammie told me how happy her dad was about getting the doughnuts. I'm so used to the action of gift giving as part an engrained cultural trait, but hearing how genuinely appreciative someone is from receiving my gift is something that makes me feel really good inside. I made someone's day by being considerate and appreciative of other people.

Anyways, I thought about that for a bit. It's amusing how different cultures learn and interact with each other. I remember going to Hard Summer with Sammie last year and needing to pee at Mallow's place. His family told me to leave my shoes on to go upstairs to the restroom which was CARPETED.

My body physically couldn't do it and instinctively took off my shoes before running up. Everyone seemed so surprised when I did that. Hell nah I aint staining the carpet with no doggie doo doo from the outdoors. The AUDACITY it would take in myself lmao. It's like the ultimate form of disrespect to tread over someone else's carpet in their own home.

Dony told me one time his Mexican roommate stepped on his bed in shoes for fun, and Dony got so mad he pinned the guy to the wall ready to fuck the guy up. lol

I thought about the idea of white washed Asians and its stigma. I'd say that there's a difference in being Americanized and being white washed. Being Americanized means you've assimilated the culture. Being white washed means you've fully adopted as your own without keeping any of your ethnic roots other than the body you're born into.

A white washed Asian and an Asian American are not fully the same. A lot of Asian Americans hate on white washed Asians, and I used to as well. However, my opinion has changed. Some Asians are born into an environment full of white people, and it's not their fault. However, if they are entitled people who lack compassion for their own blood, then, you have become an alien to me. It just looks ten times worse when a person of your own ethnicity disowns his/her own blood to fit in with White people.

I don't hate ignorance because everyone is ignorant in some kind of way. That just means lack of education. I dislike a person who is closed minded person with no compassion. Selective compassion doesn't count. That's discrimination. Having compassion doesn't mean you have to really love the other side. You just have to be open to seeing the other side before you decide for yourself what's right and wrong.

I was so close to buying a nic device today. I turned around otw to 7 Leaves, but I reminded myself that this isn't how I want to perceive myself. I turned that thing back around thinking that all the vices in the world can be very addicting, but the one thing that defines a person is the principle he stands on.

Principle is a universal language. The principle of gift giving, showing consideration, having compassion, and reinforcing discipline is not something one can merely talk or read about. It's molded through everlasting interaction and experience.

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leon-on-the-froggy-chair · 2 years ago

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GOD THIS POST IS SO FUCKING EVERYTHING, THIS IS S U C H SUCH AN IMPORTANT TOPIC TO ME, AND I COULD GO ON FOREVER ABOUT THIS IF I HAD MORE TIME. SO MANY OF MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS WERE REPRESENTED HERE AND AAUGH

BUT I HAVE SOME LIL THINGS I'D LIKE TO CONTRIBUTE

(A bit late oopsie daisy dndjdjjd. This is also not proof read, so whoops if nothing makes sense or if I go off topic bc this branched into so many other thoughts and i ended up with 3 more essays started in my google docs lmao.) (I'm also very sorry about the very clunky flow of this lmao)

BEFORE I GET INTO IT:

This is all just my personal interpretation, you can disagree with my takes. This is just a silly ramble.

Massive Warning: For talk of trans issues, gender dysphoria throughout and later talk of body horror and brief mention of SA. (I'll leave another warning for these as well as a boundary to mark where it starts and ends)

ALRIGHT SO

Something I noticed about Luis is he is character who cares A LOT about his visual presentation and this was clear to me when i first saw him. Like there was no NEED for so much D R I P in the situation he's in. Except, there is to him.

For Luis, his appearance is one of the only things he has any control over. With everything in his life and the events of it, and being trapped in a place he is fighting so hard to get out of and trapped in himself in a way with the seemingly unbreakable chain cycle of actions. Managing how he looks is something he can actually have some control over.

And this resonated with me for a lot of reasons, and speaks a lot to his character. But especially as a trans person and looking at this through a trans lens. I know myself and many other trans-masculine individuals spend a lot of time on appearance. And for myself personally, pre-T and under circumstances that aren't quite in my control which interfere with transitioning, I take a lot of extra care in my appearance to present as the type of guy I want to be seen as. I want to look as if I have things together and like I am confident because that is how the male figures I've looked up to are: put together, confident, cool, etc. And I want to have control over the things in my appearance i *can* have control over. And I've noticed that Luis takes that extra care to present himself as the man he wants to be and the man he wants to be seen as, and probably (as stated by OP): like the people he looked up to growing up, and the men he probably looked up to when he was all on his own with no guiding figure in the big scary new world.

Back on trans themes.

And idk but that sounds scary asf, he was probably scared as all hell. And coming into such new territory that is entirely unfamiliar with such fear usually results in attaching to the idea of the type of person who could handle that fear. Somebody tough who could face the world and take it head on "like a man". (I feel this same psychology also applies to Leon but this aint about him.) And for Luis, one who doesn't let all the bad shit get to him. And one of the masculine figures that is highly important to Luis, who faced conflict and scary things head-on with courage and a fun hopeful chivalric demeanor and attitude was Don Quixote.

Don Quixote as a character is a humanized attempt to fill a role not given to one by society. Which can be likened to Luis in a lot of ways like going and becoming a scientific genius despite where he grew up, or in a trans of gender context. As Don Quixote represents active pursuit of authentic self, themes of who one is meant to be and who one wants to be. Theres a lot of queerness to be found in Don Quixote's general challenging of social norms by taking on an unconventional chivalrous identity. And his refusal to conform with social norms and who he is expected to be is espscially resonant with gender queerness. In some ways Don Quixote could be interpreted as a story which celebrates individuality, challenges social norms, and embraces self defined identity. And those others who support it and accept him of course. And we all KNOW Luis relates to Don Quixote and the themes are extremely important to him. Now you tell me why a dude's favorite story would be one with heavy themes of embracing individuality, chasing authetic self and trying to be what society says you cant be. Because to me, thats pretty resonant for trans kids. And kids who are generally- outsiders.

This brings me back to how he grew up. As was already VERY WELL PUT in the og post, Luis was a bit of an outcast in a glorified Catholic cult.

And as somebody who grew up in a very very religious external environment, but been sort of an outsider to it I find a lot of relatability with that. Now funny story about me, my special interests as a kid were in, you guessed it: biology, anatomy, and huzzah parasitology. Which was VERY very much not accepted in my environment by anyone but family and had me growing up sort of outside the social norm. And speaking from that experience I can tell you it only made me grow further from the social norm, i ended up much more experimental. And listen, Luis to me seems the type who'd be experimenting. He a scientist after all. But on a more serious note: (speaking off of my experience here as well) Being an outsider due to things he enjoys and growing up being taught and constantly exposed to a certain set of beliefs about how one should present and live their life, being taught essentially that what he liked was evil and it being something that is rejected entirely by the village he grew up in. Having to leave in order to be allowed to engage in what he likes, and the person who supports him, his grandfather, knowing that and wishing he was able to go someplace better that'd be more accepting of him and what he likes, somewhere he'd be able to engage with what he loves... Now, we're talking about modern science here. But this could EASILY be about being queer. And imo, I sense his upbringing would result in a bit of internalized homophobia and especially that distinct innate fear of himself that specific brand of internalized homophobia tends to cause.

Adding onto something else stated in the original post as well. Luis isnt the stereotypical depiction of masculinity. Leon is a picture perfect definition of masculine. (I have a whole analysis on this too and the very transgender coding of him and his relationship to Krauser.) And the utter juxtaposition of them and how they show emotions that are seen stereotypically as "weak" and "feminine" such as feelings of care, gentleness, etc. Luis is much more open about how he expresses these feelings. Whereas for Leon he kinda tries to shove these feelings down, also for a multitude of reasons. But one of them, I think, is Krauser. Who even during the fights in game BERATES Leon for having any semblance of sympathy and for not being "tough" enough and not being essentially: "man enough". Calls Leon "pretty" as a feminizing insult and as a way of calling him weak. Its toxic masculinity at its strongest. (And I have a essay about this in my drafts lmao.)

IGHT WARNING TIME

There will be talk of body horror, gender dysphoria and briefly mentioned themes of SA which may be triggering so please beware:

Please skip ahead to the next portion if these subjects are uncomfy and take care of yourself!

_____________________________________

Something specific to Luis that fascinates me some of the MOST is how he was at one point infected and had to remove the plaga himself. The self exorcism allusions are SUPER neat and I love that take. My lens on it comes from a little bit of a body horror and gender dysphoria POV.

A little background on me, I'm very big on body horror. It is one of my favorite things to illustrate and write. And it hits very hard the subject of it in relation to transness and being meant to fill a specific role- meet a certain physical requirement- have a certain body. And having that horrifyingly outside of your control. Which relates heavily to Las Plagas and can tie heavily into a lot of different themes. I have a lot to say about the body horror aspect of Las Plagas and Los Illuminados. But looking at it specifically through a trans lens and through Luis' experience with it is my favorite.

The brutal imagery of tearing into oneself in order to remove something foreign that you know shouldnt be in your body, something which taking away your ability to live your life and your ability to exist freely as yourself, that obligates you to play into a preset determined role. And the separate but very very real horror of having your bodily autonomy taken away by it. And having to take things into your own hands to get it back, alone because WHO is going to help you? You're alone to deal with this.

It's honestly graphic and horrifying, and we really don't talk enough about how traumatic this must've been for Luis. But it's also my favorite detail about him because it shows how fucking badass he is.

It's surgery in a house of dissection. Luis went against the role that was literally forced upon him, and ripped out the thing that exists to squash someone into a set role determined by some prestigious religious leader. He took back control of himself and who he is and who he wants to be in a place that literally tears him apart.

And is very reminiscent to me of my experiences with gender dysphoria. From horrifying feelings of a body with pieces that arent yours that place you into certain societal roles against your will, and the changes your body goes through against your will, but also that fucking fEELING when you do get to take some of your control back. Taking back and being who you are against odds. Whether through gender affirming medical care, makeup, clothing, haircuts, pronoun and name changes, a really fucking good rock album that affirms your gender. Saying fuck you to a societal role predisposed upon you against your will by your body and using your free will.

This is brief and unrelated to the original subject. But I find Las Plagas as a whole to be a great allegory for SA. I do want to get into this subject more in a separately labelled and appropriately trigger warning tagged post about the horror of the loss of bodily autonomy in RE4. And in Luis' specific case having, nowhere to turn in a place that traps him with it, where it is normalized, and how that heavily resonates with me as an SA survivor.

_____________________________________

Now I wasn't entirely sure where I wanted to mention this. But a month or so ago right before SW was announced, I was going through overexamining details in the house where I'd have to guess Luis was staying prior to the events of the game. But i found this doll?? Now it could be an easter egg or have an actual other meaning that I'm missing. But my brain made a silly headcanon about him playing with dolls as a kid. Luis isnt traditionally masculine and i feel that as a kid he wouldn't have been one of those "was always super super stereotypicslly boy-ish" trans kids (Not to invalidate them at all).

Moving on to a much lighter note:

(He also had a thing of smoked paprika and I find the idea of him being literally in hiding but still prioritizing seasoning to be really fucking funny and very him.)

As a sudden conclusion to my ramble,

As the original post stated. In Luis' final moments he was practically begging to be seen as all he has been fighting to be for his whole life. To be seen as he is. And for someone to see he's trying, and for someone to acknowledge him who hes been trying to be. And yeah, Leon acknowledges him as such.

But not in the: 'you tried your best' type of way. No, no more in a 'you just are' kind of way. In some way it felt to me when Leon delivered that Don Quixote line that he was telling Luis: You are who you wanted to be when you were growing up. You are who little you looked up to. You got to be the man you looked up to, and like the men you always wanted to be, and who you tried so hard to be. You did it.

And yeah.

TELL ME ABOUT TRANS LUIS!!! I WANT HIM TO BE TRANS SO BAD! (Also he has a giant neon sign over his head that says gay, this man reeks of homosexual)

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE OMG HEYYYYY HIIIIIII HELLOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! I’m SOOOOOO sorry this took so long I had SO MANY THOUGHTS!!!!! I plan on SOMEDAY Doing Like. A properly credited and researched document on why I think Luis is trans so this post is more or less kind of a tl;dr rather than a super proper read?????????? And ofc obligatory ‘this is just my own reading and personal interpretation if you disagree please just keep your opinion to yourself!!!!!’

Also this isn’t proofread like. At ALL so please ignore any sentences that seem wonky or weird HDBEHENDUDJX

ALSO also I do NOT give permission for this post to be screenshotted or reposted ANYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!! No part of this!! Don’t steal!!

Trigger warning for just general mentions of transphobia, religious transphobia and also I talk the death statistics for trans people near the end, so please keep that in mind when reading!!

Ok so, I’m gonna try and put this as chronologically as possible BXBSHDNSHDND but starting at the beginning from when Luis was little there’s already a few things we can pick up on

Luis has a pretty unorthodox family; his mum died when he was little and his dad left so he had to be raised by his Grandfather, and, ask any Trans person around you and they’ll tell you it’s oftentimes the people in their lives who weren’t their direct parents who decided to pick them up and raise them and accept them as they truly are- I feel like you could probably read this with Luis’ grandfather if you really wanted to, too. From what we can TEEEEEEELLL Luis held his grandfather and the memory of him very near and dear to his heart (ie referencing him in conversation, saying ‘not again’ when the medicine burns in seperate ways etc) so you could probably guess that maybe Luis’ grandfather was a surprisingly accepting figure in Luis’ life!!!!!

Which would also line up with the little we know about him- their house was somewhat far away from the rest of the village and from what the notes about him read, his grandfather was a bit of an outcast????? It seemed like the only person who checked in on him regularly was Bitorez- once again, another positive male figure in Luis’ life that he could theoretically look up to and admire.

AND we know that Luis’ grandfather encouraged his love for science and biology- something that prooooobably would’ve been frowned upon in a super conservative catholic glorified cult. So already, Luis and his Grandfather are a bit unorthodox in the setting they live in.

Then we cut to Don Quixote; obviously there’s a LOT to dissect about Luis and his love for that book, and it’s pretty common knowledge how,,,,,,,,, g a y that book is HXNEHENEUDIX like MAAAAAANY-a historians have already pointed that out I don’t need to beat a dead horse but ask literally any trans person around you and they’ll tell you about how they had a fascination with like,, Warrior Cats or Animorphs or Percy Jackson or Peter Pan growing up only to find out they were trans later. Trans kids are pretty drawn to books with unlikely protagonists who don’t fit the usual stereotypes and go on adventures with a whacky misfit family they formed by themselves- and Don Quixote kiiiiiiiiiiiinda falls under that pattern????? It’s a REALLY weird book and I wanna get into why later but it wouldn’t be shocking to assume that Luis probably grasped onto that idea of finding love and acceptance even though he was weird and unusual and he too could go on chivalrous adventures and do good in the world and be loved for who he is (I’ve kinda gone into this before and I plan on going into it again I’ll tag you in that post!!!!)

There’s also something to note about the fact that none of the village notes reference Luis by his first name. Luis is apparently a very “strong and masculine” name so if we ARE going off of the assumption that Luis is trans (which like,,. Duh HDNEHENDHS) then we can probably assume he picked that name for himself

It’s also pretty notable to note (hah) that like,,,,,, just in general, a lot of kids who grow up in a super religious environment just. Turn out gay and trans. I dunno why. I dunno what’s the exact statistic for that but like. Cmon. We’ve all seen it. We all know it right

Then huzzah! Luis’ Grabdfather dies!!! How sweet of him!!!!! /s obviously but Luis takes his death as an opportunity to run from home- again, something that’s sadly quite common amongst younger trans people it seems. When you loose your only support at home, and suddenly that home becomes unsafe, oftentimes the only solution is to run.

Now I’ve talked MUUUUUUCH more in depth about it in this post but considering the fact that Luis was probably a young teenager, an immigrant from the middle of nowhere, and had zero family or support- there’s a less than zero chance that he probably would have stumbled across the queer community one way or another. See, all throughout the 20th century, the queer and poc/immigrant communities were VERY intertwined- now I am WHITE AS ALL HELL so their history isn’t something I’m able to speak on with any amount of grace as actual people of colour could, so I’ll keep this breif and also if I’ve misrepresented anything PLEEEEAAASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME

Basically, like I said- the communities were very intertwined. They’d help each other and were sometimes seen as like the same circle of people when it came to what they were fighting for. All throughout history, this comes up time and time again- which is why I can only assume that Luis, a young person of colour having come from basically the middle of nowhere, would most likely find solace and a place in both communities- and would ABSOLUTELY have explored his gender and sexuality because of it. Even if he WAS cis there’s no way he wouldn’t have at least dabbled in a bit of the ol gender exploration every now and then

((Also, VEEEERY important to note that yes although trans and poc history are very intertwined they are still very seperate histories. It’s VERY IMPORTANT to not erase poc voices from this discussion when talking about this aspect of history- listen to your poc friends first and foremost before all else))

It’s also probably good to note that a few universities around that time were pretty notoriously open about being queer-friendly but we have no clue what exact university in Europe Luis would have gone to but idk we can probably guess he fooled around with some men and women HANSYWNEYENDUCJX

Then we cut to umbrella. I and a few other people have gone into how umbrella would have most likely groomed a young Luis into being excited to work with them and willing via offering him a place to stay, a college degree, a stable life etc etc but there’s also a sense of horror there when you take into account they could’ve offered him the ability to medically transition. Something that was NOT easy or very safe to do at the time. And plus this is resident evil so we can only guess what magical hoodicky they would’ve gotten to do that GDBEYWNDYDJ

From what we can tell, luis honestly enjoyed his time with umbrella!!!! He seemed to be friends with his coworkers and he was proud of the work he was doing (Yknow, before he would have found out it was all a lie and was going to kill millions HXBEHENEH) and honestly isn’t that every trans persons dream????? To have a job where you’re accepted and can feel safe at??????? To have friends who can accept you???????? It just makes what all went down all the more heartbreaking to me if we DO view him in the lens of being a trans character!!!!!!!!!

And then, of course, for the second time in his life; everything comes crumbling down. I’ve done seperate analysis on this and I plan on doing another cuz what I’m about to mention just hits,,,,,,,, S O O O O close to home to me, but when everything in his life gets destroyed AGAIN;

Luis chooses to go back to Valdelobos.

And isn’t that just so devastating?????? Because we as humans ALL do that- when life gets so bad and so intense we have no clue what to do, we all wanna turn to our parents or our childhood homes and get a hug and that feeling of nostalgia and safety from when we were kids that we missed.

But ask any other trans person and they’ll tell you that a lot of the time, that’s not what you’re gonna get; and that’s what happened to Luis. He went home, hoping- BEGGING- for some kind of support from the nightmares he just went through, only to be thrown straight into another one. Los Illuminados had been taken over and reverted his childhood home into something totally unrecognisable and forced him to work for them or else he’d literally be tortured. And isn’t that just,,,,, made all the more depressing when you look at it from a trans angle????

In this case scenario, when a lot of Trans people are forced to return to unsafe homes- they’re forced to push down their identity for their own safety. And reading that in Luis is just all the more devastating

And then there’s the whole thing where Luis literally SELF SURGICALLY REMOVED THE LAS PLAGAS FROM HIMSELF????????? WHY DONT MORE PEOPLE TALK ABT HOW TRAUMATISING THAT MUSTVE BEEN????????????? I know @/katabay made an INCREDIBLE post going into a religious reading on this and how I’m Don Quixote Alonso himself preforms an excorsism on himself and it’s weirdly erotic?????? And how that translates to Luis’ Plagas removal- they also made INCREDIBLE art go check it out- but throughout history there are a LOT of poems made by “”””women who want to be men”””” (aka trans men) who were religious at some point and describe the sensation of binding or getting top surgery to that of having an exorcism (this was mostly done to convince local churches that Hey no it was totally cool actually just let us get gender affirming care pretty pretty please) so, y’know,,,, maybe that meme that Luis showing Leon is scar was actually him coming out as trans wasn’t that far off HEBWYENXUXJXJDNC

And there’s also just the whole fact that he was a scientist that plays into this, too- Catholicism, specifically the hardcore Catholicism that Luis grew up with, absolutely HATES science. And the fact that Valdelobos seemed to be permanantly stuck in this 18th century cult-like state only confirms that they probably would have been anti-medicine, too; not only adding onto Luis’ guilt but also making him a prestigious scientist all the more impressive. Imagery that Luis is shown with (like that lil casket he carried around in seperate ways filled with the suppressants Ada needed) is often used by people in cults similar to Valdelobos to prove that ‘oh science is the devil!!!’ Etc, and y’know what else is related to science????

Medically transitioning babey!!!!!! A lot of the times hardcore religious people, again in similar cults to Valdelobos, use terms like ‘mutulating’ to describe medically transitioning and use already devil-associated imagery like science and modern medicine to hammer home that hatred of trans people (also obligatory not all religious people are like this in fact MOST religious people aren’t like this I’m talking specifically situations like the Gloriavale cult etc etc)

So like,,,,, again, that whole meme that Luis made his own testosterone wouldn’t be too far off BXNSHENDHDNX

But then we get some light at the end of this very depressing tunnel HXNSHENDUJ;

Leon, Ada and Ashley

Now from here on out I’m gonna get into some more like,,, CHARACTER dissection so I figured here would be the best place to put this HDBEYENEUS; Luis fits ALL the stereotypes of a stealth queer person during his time period. Like,, you know the song Gay or European????? Yeah that isn’t a joke that’s a real rhing European queer and trans men did to basically hide the fact that they were queer. It’s like. The oldest trick in the book. Which is why it’s SOOOOOO funny to me when I see Reddit dudebros going “errrrrmm actually Luis isn’t gay it’s just his Spanish charm!!” LIKE DUDE. YOUVE FALLEN FOR T H E TRICK. THIS IS THE EQUIVALENT OF A BIRD USING THEIR TAIL FEATHERS TO DISTRACT A PREDATOR.

And also Spain in general just has a very long and very beautiful Queer and Trans history- obviously it’d be way too much to fit into this one post but I highly reccomend just,,,, looking it up for yourself. Queer people have always been around :))

Ok ok, back to Leon- I plan on someday taking apart and dissecting EEEEEEEEEVERY interaction between them cuz it’s just. It’s all SO GAY. But in general, Luis treats Leon SO much differently than Ashley and Ada but in a good way!!!!!

Luis isn’t afraid to be open around Leon. He isn’t afraid to be flamboyant and jokey and flirt with him- and hell, he probably did enjoy that chain scene HXNEHENEUDJDJ he isn’t afraid to be more vulnerable and just generally what you wouldn’t consider a stereotypical “manly-man;” he doesn’t conform to western societies of stereotypical masculinity, and he isn’t afraid to show that around Leon.

He’s open with Leon- he’s vulnerable and he very openly CARES about Leon. He truly wears his heart on his sleeve and this is for a MULTITUDE of different reasons but I think a big part of it is not just because he’s genuienly attracted to Leon but because leon is a shining example of a chivalrous knight to him

I and many others have gone into this further; but when Luis first met Leon in that body bag, it probably honestly WAS like he was meeting his very own Don Quixote for the first time. He was probably a shining example of everything he wanted to be; brave, kind, never makes mistakes- and again I’ve gone into this further but this truly does play into his character and his very noble quest for redemption and forgiveness a lot and viewing this from a Trans angle just gives that quest SO much more power

Capcom does their best to make Leon out to be a super strong manly-man and @highball66 has gone into some of Leon’s own queer coding, but I think Luis also sees through this. He sees through his macho dudebro masculinity and he sees a genuine and kind human being underneath; just as Leon had done for him. Leon is everything Luis wants to be in a man- just like his grandfather and probably countless male figures in his life before him. So he’s not afraid to open up to Leon; he isn’t held back by that expectation of toxic masculinity because he wasn’t raised that way.

And he’s the EXACT SAME with Ada and Ashley too!!!!!!!! He CARES about Ada! He’s CONSTANTLY looking out for her and giving her the benefit of the doubt and he’s always so polite and kind around her!!!!!!!! Like yeah he puts on the front of being a ladies-man but again like SOOO many others before me have mentioned that’s probably just a safety front!!!!!! He wears his heart on his sleeve around Ada and Ashley, too- he’s always SO polite around her I feel like not enough people point that out????? He offered his hand out for her to take before inspecting the blood, he’s always asking for permission before he touches her etc he’s so nice people don’t give him enough credit for that!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And theeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnn it aaaaaaaaalll comes crashing down when he diiiiiieeeeeeessss,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

It’s pretty important to note that Luis is killed by Krauser; and again, other people have gone into Leon and Krausers queer relationship coding a lot better than I have, but it’s pretty interesting to note that Luis was killed by the guy who pretty much encapsulates all forms of toxic masculinity (again, that meme that everyone jokes about that Krauser killed Luis cuz he was jealous of Leon’s new boyfriend might not be far off HXHWHDUXHSH)

Luis uses his final breath to save Leon- to save the man who has shown him forgiveness and empathy and love for the first time in god knows how long. He opens his heart up to Leon in his final moments; he does one last ‘such a loss to the ladies of the world eh?’ As a last-ditch effort to try and convince Leon that he tooooooootally isn’t queer you guys and to try and hold onto that sense of normality; but he drops that act immedietly after Leon shows him that he’s taking this seriously

He opens up to Leon and admits that he led a pretty shitty life. He spills his heart out to Leon and asks him if people can change. And I’ve said rhis before and I’ll say it again; this is Luis looking for some kind of confirmation. Some kind of forgiveness and some way of saying that Yes his life DID mean something- that people CAN change and CAN be loved like he loved Leon and Leon loved him. And, hell, if we’re REEEEEAALY tryna stretch here (which I mean this whole post is tbh HXBSHSNEHDNSHD) you could even read this as Luis asking for somebody to accept him as he truly is, and see past the facade of a super flamboyant cis straight man. It’s not a stretch to say this moment is him looking and hoping that Leon can see through his past actions and see the beautiful human being underneath- so it wouldn’t be crazy to view it under a queer light either

Then, of course, Leon says that iconic line; you were a fine knight, Don Quixote. Confirming to Luis that he WAS like the chivalrous knight he always looked up to when he was little. Not just for his bravery and confidence; but also for his exploration of gender and non conformity in his sexuality. Leon confirms that for him in his final moments.

Then of course there’s the nature of his death; the fact that he dies below his childhood village is pretty telling to me.

Now this is where I’m gonna get into some depressing statistics, so readers beware, but unfortunately, there is a good chunk of trans people who will die in their childhood homes for many reasons. There’s been a good chunk of trans people all throughout history who have lived long, full lives but still were buried in their childhood homes and towns under their dead name or under the gender they were assigned to at birth. It’s depressing and there really is no making light of it- which is why Luis dying in the village he grew up in and tried so desperately to escape from hits so hard to me.

• Now HOPEFULLY obviously I am N O T comparing Luis’ death to actual real trans people’s deaths. But as somebody who HAS lost trans friends to suicide, the manner of his death absolutely REMINDS me of that and thus hits home harder for me. Go give your trans friends a hug, basically

But on the bright side, at least he didn’t die alone. He had Leon; he had somebody who could, theoretically, show the world who he truly was and remember him by his true name and nature. Luis won’t be totally forgotten underground; he’ll have Leon and Ashley and Ada ro remember the man he truly was just like how many, many trans people who have passed away will have friends and loved ones who will remember them for who they truly are.

Now I don’t wanna end this whole analysis on such a depressing note so I’ll add this at the end; I genuienly think that even if you DONT headcannon Luis as Trans, adding that element to his character not only enriches his already INCREDIBLY well written story but also just generally means the world to trans people in real life, too

Like,,,,, I’ve mentioned this before but I’ll say it again; seeing a character who is so genuinely confident in themselves, so open about their emotions and their identity and who holds themselves in a way that isn’t stereotypically “masculine”- that honestly hits so much closer to home than any other trans headcannon ever has. I’ve gone into detail about how much Luis as a character means to me, but seriously, reading him from this angle lowkey makes me want to cry with how much it means to me HDBEHENEHDJX

Luis is a Beautifully written character who shows the best and worst in all of us humans- who shows that we all just want to love and be loved and be forgiven and given the opportunity to change. All trans people deserve that, too; we all deserve the opportunity to live our lives to the fullest.

Even if you want to comment ‘ErM weLl CapCoM woUlD nEVeR hAvE a TrAns ChaRaCTeR-“ does it really matter???? Does it matter if a character has a canon label slapped onto them, if people can already analyse that character from their own perspective and find deep meaning in that themselves????? Is a character who is canonically queer any more meaningful than a character who isn’t????? I don’t think so, cuz clearly, myself and many, many others find solace and comfort and relatability in the fine knight that is Luis Serra

And finally; André Peña, Luis Serra’s voice actor, has been VERY vocal about his support for trans people and has even said he absolutely 100% believes that Luis would believe in trans rights- so suck it transphobes!!!!!!!!!!!!! Luis is for US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#rambling about luis serra #praying this makes sense fndkjd #4am brain go BRRRRRRR #gender dysphoria #transgender #trans luis serra #i aint over the paprika thing i need to go get a screenshot of it

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