#and in the way that for some people transmasc etc labels will fit Them and Help in a way a label like transman never can. and so on

[genderqueerdykes]

is it bad to be scared to start hrt?

i feel a little ashamed that i am. i try my hardest to be positive about all the things that make men & mascs masculine. i try to appreciate the parts that arent valued by society, like male pattern baldness, being fat, hairiness (love that part especially lol), etc.

but im 15, and i go back and fourth over whether or not i want to start testosterone. i had terrible cystic acne before i started acne medication, i have male pattern baldness on my dads side etc. im not a binary trans guy, so i kinda doubt ill be on it forever anyway if i DO wind up doing it, but its really scary to be told all the stuff that WILL make me a man when im… just a boy. that feels infantalizing but i suppose its true. im scared to be a man admittedly, im angry i never got to have a “true” boyhood because in currently at that age, and im scared of being thrust into it after not getting to be one. theres so much stuff about becoming “ugly” after starting testosterone. i know thats not true, logically, but ive faced so much bullying for not being pretty enough as an afab that i guess i still have that vanity embedded within me.

i feel ashamed for it, do you have any advice?

no, absolutely not- i think it's super reasonable to be scared to start HRT. it's a huge change, it affects your body and mentality in many different ways. it's a lot to take on at once especially considering there are permanent effects if taken for long enough at a high enough dose

i get why you'd be worried at that age. i didn't start HRT until i was in my early 20s. i think its okay to give yourself some time, especially considering you have some concerns about it potentially affecting your health. it would be ideal to find a way to get your blood tested for a few things- liver enzymes, red blood cell count, estrogen and testosterone levels, and so on. if you can't do that, it's understandable. i know it's not easy for someone your age to get a ride to a place like that discretely

is it possible to contact your dermatologist about your acne and see if they would be able to weigh in on that? baldness is a tricky thing. some people do bald but really late in life. some people don't. a lot of transmascs have their hairline recede by a few inches and then it usually stops. the nice thing about hair loss is there are medications that work very well that can help mitigate that. gender affirming care specialists or other doctors who prescribe testosterone are usually aware of the effects on scalp hair, and usually they'll help you test for high blood pressure, any issues like that

honestly i get where you're coming from here. i've seen this way too many times. people get pissed off about someone being a type of trans they don't like so they just bully the person until they consider detransitioning or never start transition at all, and then continue to mock and harass them anyway. i see this all the damn time and it bugs me like why would you do that to someone. who cares

people think it's ok to bully trans men & mascs right now because of all of the transandrophobia and antimasculism in general. testosterone doesn't make anyone "ugly", people are projecting their hatred of men and mascs on to a hormone that almost everyone produces naturally. it's just hateful senseless bullying. people think the younger the trans man/boy/masc is, the more valid they are to bully them.

it's okay to identify as a boy for as long as you need. you actually never have any obligation to adopt the label man if it doesn't fit you. many people identify as boys instead of men. some people are guys and not men. it's okay some people find they have to take their time to transition from boy to man. you're only 15 you are still a child, you don't have to worry about being a man for quite a while

it's definitely okay to feel conflicted and confused here. if you're able to, take time to yourself where you shut all that noise from other people out. if you're able to just ask yourself a few questions like why do i identify as a boy, what about it makes me happy, what kinds of things do i want to do in transition. just try to get a feel for what's going on so it makes it hard for people to get in your head

remember that when people attack you like this they're projecting something they deeply hate about themselves on to you. my therapist told me that last week and i thought i would just relay that. it's alright to be affected by it, but they really are just being assholes. it's good to be a trans man/boy/masc. transmasculinity is good. testosterone is good. testosterone saved my life. i'm glad to get up in the morning every day because i at least look and sound like myself. i love my body. i love the way i look. i'm stronger. i stand taller. my face is the right shape. my voice sounds right.

life is good

i hope you found any of this helpful. good luck, it's okay to feel guilt or shame for a bit. i did NOT want to come out as FtM for a VERY long time it was hard. i get it. take care of yourself, let me know if you have any more questions

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

hii there! :)

can i b a trans guy without medically transitioning? i cant for a good many years, but also,,, i dont want to (i have several adjacent health issues that would make it difficult, also i’m neutral abt my body - i dont really have dysphoria over it and it doesn’t bother me). but i’m terrified that i��ll never be taken seriously. i don’t mind being misgendered by strangers or acquaintances (i’d actually describe myself as genderqueer if i technically had to, it’s not the label i identify with but it makes the most sense like objectively. i’m happy w/ he/him but ok with they, she, etc), but i would like it if my friends would see me as a guy. but i’m also scared to even like, ask that of them. bc i really really don’t look like a guy, or even slightly androgynous, and i kind of have this sucky internal mindset that i won’t be seen as a real guy unless i make an effort to look like one, even though that’s not what i want. i’m working on it, but it’s also… my romantic life plays a big role in it. i’m currently identifying to a lesbian to my friends bc i like girls. and it’s just girls that i like. so if I live true to myself and do say that i’m a guy, I’m also like… who would want to date me, because i’m a guy who uses he/him pronouns and ‘male’ terminology like boyfriend, but physically, i have a lot of ‘girl’ features, like big boobs, and i don’t want bottom surgery either (neutral abt my body), so i just really don’t know. it’s really hurting me bc when i realised I was queer i thought I’d find a home in the queer community and i did, for the first time ever, but as I’ve thought about my identity a bit more all my queerness causes me is stress bc I’m constantly worried that no one not even other queer people will ever take me seriously or allow me to use the labels I use or will ever want to date me (bc… like, I’m not straight, but also how can I call myself a lesbian if I consider myself a guy? It’s all complicated, to me, but I feel like I’ll be ostracised from lesbians for not being enough of a girl — even though my gender is complicated and trans guy is just the best way to explain it and the best label that fits for me — and ostracised from trans people for not being trans enough and ahhhh I’m just. Really stressed about it all, and am constantly wishing I could just be true to myself, even within the queer community, but don’t know how to…

Hey, listen to me. You have a place in the queer community, okay? If you say you’re queer, you’re queer and we love and accept you.

Yes, you can ABSOLUTELY be a trans guy without medically transitioning! I understand with health issues it can be difficult for some people. However, you do NOT need to justify your choice to me, or to anybody, okay? If you don’t want to medically transition, then don’t medically transition! That’s the end of it. Being trans is about just being Not Cis. Transitioning medically is part of it for some people, but maybe it’s not for you, and that’s okay! You can still be trans.

A lot of queer AFAB people who start to realise they might be more masc aligned start feeling guilty, wondering if they’re predatory. I also experienced this. I used to identify as a bisexual girl, then nonbinary, then I started realising I felt more like a guy. I was terrified. I didn’t want to be a creepy straight guy, I didn’t want to make the women around me or women I was attracted to feel unsafe.

Eventually I realised, it’s not BEING MALE that makes you creepy, it’s being a CREEPY guy. It’s a mindset that’s a bit hard to put into words. Being male and being attracted to women is not inherently creepy. It’s only creepy if you’re weird about it, and it’s very easy not to be.

Some lesbians might ostracise you, that’s true. However, the vast majority of the lesbian community has a long history of transmasc and trans guy lesbians. The queer community is about love and support no matter your identity. You are loved.

Seeing someone as a certain gender because of their body parts is something people can get over. I might look feminine, but I know my friends and partner see me as a guy because that’s who I am to them, a friend, a brother, a boyfriend.

If your friends can’t see you as a guy because of something as unimportant as your body, then that’s on them.

“Who would want to date me” there’s people who would, trust me. Look, when you have low self esteem, especially if you’re trans and your self hatred is related to that, it’s hard to believe you’re loveable, but believe me, you are.

I still struggle with dysphoria and wonder why anyone would love me when I’m a guy but I feel like I don’t look like one, but my partner always assures me I’m loveable, and you deserve that too.

Trans people can find loving, caring partners who love you not inspite of your transness but because it’s part of who you are and they love YOU.

Kid, be yourself. You’re welcome in the queer community. Be true to yourself, be who you are, and you’ll find the right friends and the right partner.

I hope you have a good day/night, and I’m sending so so much love. May a ray of sunlight shine upon you sometime soon, my friend. Sending warmth <33

[evilneo]

anyway i think about the version of vrv that lives in my brain where Spork*, Swap**, and Player***, are different flavours of transfem*. and their funny little transmasc buddies

* Spork = transneutral-fem agender. they/them. low-no dysphoria, happy with how they look and get perceived <3 aroace (obviously). them and Gordon B are trained gender professionals

**Swap = butch bigender (100% woman and 100% man at the same time. but to the left bc hes a xen girldude) when he gets a better grasp on the whole "pronouns" thing hell probably try she and neopronouns but ultimately he kinda doesnt care. some random dude asks if hes gonna shave and he looks at them like theyve grown a second head (and he KNOWS humans cant do that. Neo told him). "Why would I. I need this." (it serves the same purpose as whiskers on a cat or something. leave his barbels ALONE‼️‼️‼️‼️) kinda gets dysphoria anyway when looking at humans but gets extra when looking at other women. especially other butches. little does he know hes everyone in a 20 mile radius' butch icon <3 BISEXUAL‼️‼️‼️‼️

***Player = both soft butch and casual femme Player exists in my heart simultaneously because i love them both <3 (i do lean towards femme Player more. Player skirt indulgence etc) she/her trans woman. i dont think she considers herself binary but shes DEFINITELY far on the woman axis of the spectrum. high dysphoria but shes surrounded by cool trans people 24/7 so shes got a good support system :] everyone loves her <3 Doc illegally makes her HRT xyrself <3 shes talked to a cis person like maybe twice in her life lol. i adore her. i feel like shes unlabeled but in the way of "Oghh... Im scared to label myself because I dont feel like i feel like im allowed fit into any category enough... What if Im wrong :(" and its like girl its ok.... you can do ehat you want. forever. i love you. shes the last of the 3 to come out bc shes got 10000 neuroticism, and Swap is chill about gender. Swap takes his a lot of his stress cues about gender from Neo while Player takes them from MALCOM. yeah. Neos like the genderdog they put in the gendercheetah enclosure to keep them calm, and Malcom... is Malcom. dude is a MESS. and Spork came out pre-canon. Sporks been out for YEARSSSS. theyre secureslaying

[boy-above]

on this pride month i've decided that the current closest descriptor for my gender is...

i'm gonna do a whole lot of talking abt my gender and stuff, honestly it's mostly for myself to organize my thoughts but i do like talking abt myself sometimes so if you read, thank you i guess

before i figured out i was a boy i ID'd as nonbinary for several years, i was hesitant to ID as masculine because at the time the community was so drenched with radfem ideology that myself and a lot of other transmascs were afraid to come out / even think about exploring masculinity because we were constantly being told how evil men were all the time. so instead i went through like, so many nonbinary labels, but none of them really suited me, i discovered. agender, bigender, genderfluid, i tried a lot of them. the thing is that i knew i didn't want to be a Girl, but was very hesitant to consider i was a Boy because of the previously mentioned radfem rhetoric being spread. this isn't a post to talk about that though, you've heard a lot about that from me already lmao. it's just an important component of the struggles with gender i had growing up.

anyway, once i finally accepted i was a boy, i was excited. i checked the boxes for a trans man, i wanted a dick (and am still mad i don't have one), i wanted he/him pronouns, i was comfortable being called a boy, etc. and i still want all of those things, so why am i starting to question the trans man label?

i think mostly it comes down to how my gender has been shaped by societal and environmental expectations. i have gender dysphoria but not in an entirely "traditional" way. i want a dick, i want a flat chest, i want a deeper voice. but im also gender nonconforming, and have no interest trying to do traditionally masculine things to "fit in" with cis men. i don't think femininity is some horrible thing to be avoided, i like a lot of feminine things and don't think so many things should be gendered in the first place. i don't think trying hormones would fix me because there's other ways i Don't want to look like a man. if anything i would say Nothing can truly fix my dysphoria because i don't want to look like Anything. there is no perfect me i can envision in my head, if anything i don't even want to look human; i don't even want to be perceived. there's also parts of me that no amount of surgery to fix, im only 4'9 for example, and even cis men get berated for being short let alone trans men.

that's why i've only told my immediate family, my friends, and my doctor that i'm a boy. i never plan of publicly coming out. on the rare occasion i do, i settle with they/them instead of my preferred he/him because it's just easier that way. you get a lot of laughing and eyerolling as a feminine looking person if you try to use he/him. ive been trans for so many years but i can never truly escape the chance that people might perceive me as a "trender" (hate that word, gag) because i simply don't pass. and then of course there's my parents who refuse to use he/him and will only use they/them. they know i want he/him but they won't even try. they're just like "you can't really expect us to call you a boy."

i have so much sympathy for fellow closeted people. the community never considers you and it ends up being a lonely place. you don't fit in with cis people but other trans people don't want you. once i read a piece called "i am a trans woman, i am in the closet, i am not coming out." and i can't even tell you how important that writing was to me. i read it at just the right time, years ago when i think i really needed it. it's one of the only things that made me feel like staying in the closet was an option. that i can only be out where i feel safe.

i've questioned before if my gender nonconformity and the way people treat non-passing individuals is the true reason i've become skeptical of my trans man identity. i think most likely it is, i think that if we lived in a world where it was perfectly socially exceptable to be a feminine trans man and people in public would accept me and treat me like a boy, i'd have no problem saying "i'm a trans man", but we don't live in that world. the world we're in right now has no room for people like me, and it's something i've had to accept. another thing worth mentioning is that i don't even really like the word 'man' being applied to me, i just felt like i had to use it because some people treat trans boys badly if they prefer 'boy' over 'man'. but i like being a boy. the word boy suits me better. the word man just doesn't seem applicable to me. i'm not masculine enough and the word just feels kinda wrong in my brain, the same way being called "handsome" does. i want to be cute, and calling me handsome would just be inaccurate. do you get what im saying?

but anyway, i think demiboy suits me because its more 'loose' than trans man for lack of a better word. its less specific and i think thats what i need right now. im a boy, but calling myself binary doesnt quite feel right. calling myself nonbinary also doesnt feel right though. like i said i ID'd as nonbinary for several years so i have no problem with the label in general, it just doesnt feel right when applied to me personally. it's kinda weird to describe, i know demiboy is not a binary identity, therefore is by definition nonbinary, but the word nonbinary itself just doesnt vibe with me, so i guess i would prefer not to call myself nonbinary??? i dont know how to describe it, it's just a labels thing. because like i said, i feel like trans boy isnt an entirely wrong way to describe me Either. im rambling now because i know my labels problem doesnt make sense. anyway uh yeah. i'm a demiboy. and for anyone who didn't see the post i made a while back, i use he/him and sometimes it/its. unenthusiastically throws a handful of confetti

[polyamorouspunk]

Fully agree with you on the trans thing. It’s something I struggled with for a LONG time that I didnt *want* to be fully 100% trans. Like I fit in with trans people, I was transmasc, but I never felt *trans*. If that makes any sense??

People used to tell me all the time that I had to be trans if I checked xyz boxes. And I hated it. Now, years later, I’ve made it to a point that I just *am*. And it took me SO LONG to realize that was even an option. To just be myself without putting a label on it. I dont need to be fully cis or fully trans. Im just a little bit of everything and fully me.

It still confuses my queer friends. That I just *do not* care and dont put any importance on it. So its nice to see someone else with that opinion. Thank you

Yes!

Listen like I do not care if people reblog my posts and disagree with me. Like that’s you’re right as an individual. But what I don’t like is when I make a post talking about my identity and someone “corrects” me on it.

The problem with the push to be super inclusive, sometimes, is that people stop making it about who *wants* to be a part and who doesn’t.

I know people who are gay men who have 0 interest in being part of the LGBTQ+ community. Gay men who are like I’m not queer I’m not part of the community I’m just gay but I’m not identifying with the community in any way.

I know people who have described their “gender” to me almost verbatim the way that trans people have described to me their gender and have told me they do not consider themselves trans in any way, and it kind of sucks because I’m like… I know that if I were someone else they might put that label on that person even if that person doesn’t want it?

I’ve had people ON THIS BLOG send me asks telling me I am not trans and other people send me asks saying I’m not cis. Like lmao it’s so fucking funny pick one you guys. I gotta be one or the other- SIKE no I don’t. I’ve had people dump me over saying “I’m both cis and trans” which in hindsight seems kinda ableist because that was actually when I started IDing as plural so like. The idea you can’t be both is like. You know there are people with different experiences than you right. Like some common enough to be in textbooks. Not like some “out there” concepts like if you can grasp the concept of DID you can understand how perhaps to some degree a person can be different than their literal AGAB without being trans. Just for one example.

Sometimes I also fail to realize this but. When you reblog someone’s post, or comment on it, or send them an ask, etc… you are coming into THEIR space. I mean it very much went through my mind to be like “just ignore it” but I was like someone is coming onto MY post where I try and validate MY gender experiences and telling me people like ME are quite literally exactly what I’m talking about where I’m like actually I’m valid if I’m a little trans and outright saying “YOU AREN’T A LITTLE TRANS UWU” like. Hi it’s you you’re the problem you’re the people I’m validating myself to. Like I don’t care how politely and nicely you try and dress it up with inclusive language do not put me into a box I do not want to be put in because you think “that I have to be trans because I check xyz boxes” yeah literally. I know fully cis people who check “xyz boxes” and I ain’t out here telling them that actually they’re trans and valid for it. Like bro if you tell me you’re cis who am I to disagree.

In the near future you’ll never hear the words “I’m transgender” come out of my mouth directly. I might post it on here or say irl that I “dabble in transgenderism” but I do not outright say irl in person that I am transgender not because I’m “dealing with internalized transphobia” and “not ready to fully accept myself to be transgender in the real world instead of just offline” like no I just don’t ID as “transgender” period. Or you know what maybe I am but also who are you to say that’s what I am? How are you helping exactly? How is acting like I can’t “really accept myself for who I truly am” helping me any? Idk. Just because you have good intentions doesn’t make it better than the people who have bad intentions. Both are issues. Both are problematic.

Learn to go “actually it’s not my fucking business if someone is trans or cis or neither” and “they can call themselves whatever they want” and that includes NOT wanting to be included.

[transenbyconfessions]

my sibling has some very exclusionist opinions and it makes me sad.

i brought up how it's possible to experience gender in the same way a typical woman does, but prefer labels usually associated with a typical man, such as he/him, sir, guy, etc. she said this literally isnt possible because gender labels exist to label gender and you can't go against it. i told them i sometimes go against it, because even when my gender sort of feels more feminine i still hate feminine terms and love masculine ones. she said it's different because i'm genderfluid. i doubt they'd be accepting if i told them i'm actually demifluid/bigender (idk, maybe both), half transmasc half changing.

she also asked "why would someone who identifies as a woman call themself a man?" and got mad when i tried to answer that the person wouldn't indentify as a woman, they'd indentify as a man, just have similar gender to most women.

i also a bit ago tried talking about how mspec gay/lesbian discourse was upsetting me, because everyone should be able to be themselves and if someone doesn't like it, they can just not interact with people who feel mspec fits them, and how people with contradictory labels aren't hurting anyone. they got really upset about it, which surprised me because i thought they would understand?? idk

i wasn't trying to start an argument either time, i was just trying to have a conversation with someone i thought was on my side and would understand me. but i don't think they're safe to talk about these things with anymore :(

oh well i guess

Submitted May 11, 2023

[intersex-questions]

hey is it bad/weird to ID as a cis dude if I'm intersex and was assigned female at birth?

Thanks for sending this in! This is a good question.

By common definition, a cis male is someone who was assigned male at birth and is still male/identifies as male (not accounting for multigender people--multigender people who were assigned male and still are male often will not label as cisgender).

However, in many ways, intersex people have an inherently different experience than perisex people. Concepts like assigned gender at birth, transgender, nonbinary, and the gender binary can become confusing, obfuscated, or inherently connected to being intersex. It is much more common to see deviance in the usually common understood definitions of things like cisgender and transgender when the individual is intersex.

Although terms like cisgender and transgender are obviously useful, it is undeniable most people don't consider how intersex people fit into them. And how every intersex person wants to fit into them varies depending on each intersex person.

Intersex person A could have been assigned male at birth, but lived their entire life since childhood as female and had an entirely "cisgender" female experience. This person considers themselves transgender, because their gender/gender identity doesn't match the gender they were assigned at birth.

Intersex person B could be in the exact same situation. They were assigned male at birth, and lived their entire live as female and had that same "cisgender" female experience. They consider themselves cisgender because the gender they were raised as being, and for medical purposes, their gender, is still their gender.

How you individually choose to label, identify, or just be is a personal decision up to you. I do not think it is bad or weird at all for you to label/identify/be a cis male/cis dude. You know yourself, your body, and your reasoning better than any other person could ever know.

Will some people find this confusing? Probably! Will some people think you shouldn't do this? Also probably. Do you owe them an explanation? No. Does this mean you shouldn't do this? Also no.

In my personal experience, people within the intersex community are far more accepting and understanding of genderfucked (I am using this term because this is the actual common term for experiences like yours--genderqueer is also one, but genderfucked inherently plays with "fucking" with understood experiences of gender identity on a different level than genderqueerness) experiences than perisex people. Many perisex people, including trans ones, will try to defend the rigidity of labels/identities/ways of being, although it's worth noting that these people are generally transmedicalists/exclusionists of queer ways of being.

I absolutely support the obfuscation, deviance, or general fuckery of terms such as transgender, cisgender, nonbinary, FTM, MTF, transmasc, transfem, etc., by intersex individuals. But I also support this for perisex individuals. Every individual knows themselves better than I ever could and their reasonings for labelling/identifying/being a certain thing. It is not our place to decide for them what they can be. I support genderfuckery and genderqueerness for everyone, although I am only talking about it in an intersex lens because you are intersex and this is an intersex blog.

So, to reiterate. Yes! You absolutely can. Genuinely, you can do whatever you want forever with queer and gender ways of being. It's worth nothing there will be people who don't think you shouldn't do this or not understand, and you might want to consider that or acknowledge that, but I personally think you should ignore them and do what makes you happy and feel right. If you want to be or know that you are a cis dude, then you are. Don't let other people put you down. And I said this earlier, but really, for any sort of identity or way of being...you don't ever owe anyone an explanation. You can just be. You don't have to justify it to people.

This answer is obviously biased from an inclusionist intersex and inclusionist queer perspective, as well as someone who supports genderfuckery (which is something even inclusionist queer people don't support sometimes). I hope my answer helps you some and gives you perspective and encouragement! Whatever you choose to do is up to you. Ultimately, you don't need my or anyone else's approval. Do what you know is right for you, regardless of what others say.

[daemonhxckergrrl]

hi, so i do have a question regarding trans people- i want to start off by saying that i completely support trans people and people should have the right to do whatever they want to as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, and i would never side with those who try to take away someone's autonomy. that being said, why do people want to be the specific genders(men, women)- what exactly does one feel? is it identifying with gender stereotypes? wanting the other kind of body? i can understand why someone would want to be enby, but can't seem to understand specific reasons why people would want to be transmasc or transfem etc. i've read posts before where people have wanted to be women/men because of gender stereotypes- they wanted to play with dolls/liked feminine/masculine colors/clothes etc. but it's obviously something that shouldn't be stereotyped against and anyone should be allowed to play/like anything they want to, whether it's feminine or masculine. so what exactly is it that makes people want to be either? again, though even if i didn't understand why someone else felt that way, i fully support them.

okay i've taken some time before answering this. hopefully it's helpful.

first thing: ask a different trans/nonbinary person and you'll get a different answer than mine (gender be like that).

second thing: tldr short version here !!! gender identity (internal sense of self) and gender expression (external performance of gender) are often related but are different things. you're asking about gender identity, but the ideas you've worked through are more about expression (body, colours, clothes, toys etc.)

so, assuming you're cis, ask yourself "why do i want to be the gender i am?" and then think about if it would be different for a binary trans person of your gender.

third thing: longer/more detailed answer under the cut

by "specific genders" it seems you mean "binary genders" (some nonbinary identities are vague while others are specific; "droid" is a pretty specific gender, as is "stargender" etc.)

what one feels (and how one might describe it) depends on the person. for some it's a connection to gendered language, or methods of expression like clothes and interests (hey some people personally fit stereotypical gender roles and that's okay), or a sense of community (being grouped w/ other people of that label even if you can't explain why it feels 'right')

body types is a whole other thing, given there's already a lot of variation within "typical male" and "typical female" bodies (in the cisgendered, perisex sense) and then you introduce intersex bodies and then you introduce the variety in how trans people choose what bodies they want (everything from no operations no hormones right up to hormones and surgeries and other operations to get as close to a "typical" cis perisex body of that gender as possible and everything in between)

do you see being nonbinary as a single thing ? or as an umbrella for a multitude of things ? or something else ?

also a lot of nonbinary people identify w/ transmasc/transfem terms bc their transition experience is sometimes shared w/ binary trans people, or bc they consider themselves trans (not all nonbinary people do) and also masc-/fem-leaning in identity, or for other reasons (there's also nonbinary people who consider their identity fairly close to their agab and describe themselves as both trans and masc/fem in that context)

part of wanting to do [stereotypical] thing is that you were denied it in childhood and it's reclaiming that. the way gender plays into it is that you were denied it because of gender stereotypes. ofc some people like feminine things but are still men and vice versa, but also yeah getting euphoria from enjoying a "stereotypically" masc/fem thing you were previously denied is very much a thing for some people

another way to look at why people are binary trans is this: look at why people are binary cis. i'm gonna assume you're cis here, so ask yourself "why do i want to be the gender i am ?" and that's gonna be similar to why a trans person might want to be that gender or why a different trans person might not want to be that gender

[gay-otlc]

Transmasc Lesbianism

I'm a lesbian. I'm also a straight trans man. This might confuse you, but you may want to consider looking at perspectives of gender and sexuality that differ from your own and don't fit into neat little boxes.

A definition of lesbian that has been gaining popularity in queer spaces is "non men loving non men." This was meant to be inclusive for nonbinary lesbians, as an alternative to "women loving women." However, the phrase is very flawed. I've spoken about this elsewhere, but the main points are

It categorizes all nonbinary people alongside women. In this context, "non-men" comes off as "women or nonbinary people who are basically women." Not all nonbinary people, even if they're non-men will feel comfortable being labeled as a lesbian, since the term has feminine connotations and can cause dysphoria. It's unfair to put them in this box just because they're not a man.

Attraction is complex and cannot be divided into "attracted to men" and "not attracted to men." This disregards people who use the split attraction model (different romantic and sexual orientations), people who experience alterous attraction, people with fluid sexualities, and more.

Gender is complex and cannot be divided into "male" and "all genders that are not male." The identity most blatantly erased by this is multigender identities- people with multiple genders can be both male and a gender that is not male. There are also genderfluid people who are sometimes male, demigender people who are partially male, or nonbinary people who don't identify as male but may refer to themselves with masculine terms such as boy or man anyway.

The focus of lesbianism should not be excluding men. Mindsets like this are echoing TERF rhetoric that seeks to exclude transfeminine lesbians because TERFs wrongly consider them to be men. And it's annoying to make our identity about men or lack thereof, when we don't need to be talking about men at all- our community is about our shared attraction for women, because women are great!

Awesome, we've got that out of the way. If you're still reading this and going "but you can't be a trans man and a lesbian, lesbian means non men loving non men!!!!!", then I don't know what to tell you. Read the list again? Go through the other posts linked? Maybe log off tumblr?

If you read all that and you're willing to accept that not all lesbians will fit into "non men loving non men," and you don't understand but you're open to learn, read on! By the end you might still not understand, but you don't need to understand me to respect me.

For some context, here is a description of my gender and sexuality.

Gender: I'm a bigender trans man. To put it as simply as I can, my gender is primarily male, but I also have some of the female gender. I'm comfortable being seen as solely a man or both a man and a woman, but not solely a woman.

Sexuality: I'm sexually attracted to women almost exclusively. As mentioned at the beginning of the post, I describe myself as a lesbian (or gay, sapphic, etc). I also describe myself as a straight man (or straight transmasc, transhet, etc).

How can I be both?

That's where my multigender identity comes into play. I'm a man and a woman. I'm attracted to women. This makes me both a man attracted to women and a woman attracted to women; a straight man and a lesbian.

Like I said earlier, male is my primary gender and being female is more secondary. So, I'm primarily a man attracted to women, and to a lesser extent a woman attracted to women. Internally, I perceive myself as more of a straight man than a lesbian. I get a lot of gender euphoria from calling myself a straight man, and the feminine connotations of lesbian can sometimes make me uncomfortable.

So, why do I still identify as a lesbian?

Although I consider myself and my attraction to be mostly transhet, that's not really how I interact with the world around me. I'm out as bigender to some people, but I'm also closeted in many contexts, and I don't pass very well even where I am out. This means I navigate my life as someone generally perceived as a woman, who is attracted to women. Even if I don't always consider myself to fit fully with lesbianism, a majority of people will interpret me that way when they find out I'm attracted to women.

Lesbianism is a label I found my home in, for many years, and it still means a lot to me. I spent a long time defining myself as a lesbian and existing in our community, and it's a significant part of my identity.

The way I experienced my attraction growing up was a lesbian experience, not a straight experience. I consider myself a straight man now, but I didn't grow up interacting with the world as a heterosexual child. I was expected to have crushes on boys and was mocked for not fitting into that. I was called a lesbian in a derogatory way when I was ten, and I found power in reclaiming that. When I realized I was attracted to women, I spent years feeling like a freak for it until lesbians communities helped me to be proud. Lesbian is the label that most accurately describes my history and my experience as a young queer.

Also, although the label lesbian sometimes causes dysphoria, I sometimes get euphoria from referring to myself or being referred to as a lesbian. I especially get euphoria from being a butch lesbian. I take so much joy from my butch identity. And while referring to myself as lesbian in a joking manner, with phrases like "I'm so gay for her" or "not to be a lesbian but oh my god," might not count as gender euphoria, saying them makes me happy, and that's enough for me.

So, why do I identify as a man? Because I am one.

Why do I identify as a lesbian? Because it describes my past experience and the way I interact with the world as someone perceived as a woman. Because it's important to me. Because I want to.

Why do I use these labels that contradict each other? Because these are the labels that are right for me, and I have every right to have a confusing identity.

Thank you for your time.

[mx-misty-eyed]

under the cut cuz this is prob gonna be long

when i first got into fandom spaces i didn’t tell people my gender, which i convinced myself was because of privacy/internet safety lmao. but some people would assume i was a girl which felt really weird/uncomfortable for me. so then i started telling people i used they/them and it just felt better than being referred to as a girl

for a while i id’d as nonbinary; i didn’t think i was a trans guy because i guess that was harder to accept right away. when i started coming out to people (in particular teachers/classmates) i told people they could use he/him if they didn’t get they/them, because some people wouldn’t and i figured id rather people call me he than she. over time i started to realize that i actually really liked it, so while i’ll accept they/them if someone insists on using it for some reason i typically only tell people (especially people irl) that i use he/him these days.

looking back, it was quite obvious lol. i stopped wearing dresses when i was two, when i played games with my brother i would always be a boy, and i wanted a short haircut like my dad’s when i was a kid. i was never into ‘girly’ things and most of my friends were guys.

however, these are my personal experiences and are not necessarily universal. id like to emphasize that if someone identifies as nb, you should take their word for it and refer to them as such. being nb is not always a gateway to id’ing as binary trans (and, sometimes, it can be the other way around. or you could get it right the first time. who knows, it’s been years and i still dont think i’ve gotten it right). also, i suppose it’s worth mentioning that while i refer to myself as a trans guy the label that most resonates with me is just ‘transmasc’ + i also do id as genderqueer/queer/etc

in addition, it’s not necessary to have had childhood experiences like the ones i described to id as trans. while some people (including myself) may try to express their gender identity the best they could as a child w limited vocabulary/understanding, others may try to almost repress(?) it by leaning more into their agab. or you could just like painting your nails or having short hair or whatever; personal preferences aren’t necessarily an indication of your gender identity

obligatory disclaimers out of the way, id like to close out by saying that labels don’t have to be permanent. if you’d like to id a certain way for now but then later decide that it doesn’t fit you anymore, that’s totally okay and, based on ppl i know irl, happens as much as (if not more than) not. experimenting with pronouns/names is just what it sounds like—experimenting. it’s meant to help you better understand yourself and doesn’t have to be (and imo, shouldn’t be) taken seriously or like it’s something permanent

Hello funny little trans people in my phone

i recently started questioning my gender. if its not too much to ask i would like to know how you came to the realisation as i think it would benefit me, If you dont want to share thats fine and completely understandable, if you do end up answering please do it via reblog or comments and not through my DM's

Thank you

emo

[the-amber-droid-dreams]

wait so not aggressive or trying to start a full blown debate here but in regards to your last post, what is an mspec lesbian? i've also heard the term thrown around in twitter discourse and the like but still have no clue wtf it is if you could explain in like,, very simplified terms i'd really appreciate that

ofc anon ! always happy to help

this post is usually my go to for definitions, resources, exclu talking points, and history but ill try to expand a bit on those definitions here with my own experiences to help along and make it more understandable

(its gonna be a long post though sorry, its kinda hard to make it short while also making it as understandable as possible !)

-

oh and quick note : mspec stands for multi attraction spectrum aka labels like bi, pan, omni, etc. NOT for male spectrum

-

Split attraction

Yk how ace ppl arent always aro ? Thats called split attraction, and its not just an ace thing. Some ppl are for example homoromantic bisexual or panromantic homosexual and might call themselves mspec lesbians. Personally, im romantically attracted to all genders but sexually attracted to only women !

Mspec lesbian is easier, quicker, and more comfortable to say than the whole "mspecromantic homosexual". Plus barely anyone calls themself a homosexual anymore unless its a joke or theyre a "homosexual female" terf which is,,, yuck

Huge preference towards women

Some ppl like multiple genders but their attraction towards men is so rare that theyre functionally a lesbian

The only time i was ever attracted to a man (in a non comphet way) was a purely romantic crush at 14

I dont want to completely ignore that side of me, bc i Am mspec and i do have the potential to be attracted to all genders, but at the end of the day, my attraction to women is much more frequent and important to me

Calling myself a lesbian just makes sense to me. It communicates what i want it to which is "i like women"

Im not sure ill ever like a man again, so calling myself just mspec feels a bit strange to say the least nor does it communicate what i want

Calling myself both mspec And a lesbian is like saying "i like women !! ,,,and maybe more" which is the most accurate and true to myself

Liking multiple genders that dont include men / Liking women and nonbis

"But nonbis are included in lesbianism !!" and youd be right to say that ! However, not all nonbis are comfortable being put under the lesbian label

Also, lots of ppl seem to define lesbianism as "attraction to women and nonmen" which is,,, not a great definition and just creates a new binary

Nonbis come in a million different flavors and not all of them fit in the "non men" category. What abt transmascs, genderfluid ppl who are sometimes men, and mutligender ppl who are part men ? Are they included in lesbianism ? If not, what do you call someone whos attracted to women and all nonbis but not binary men ?

For a lot of people, the answer to those questions is mspec lesbianism

Reclamation of historical definition

Lesbian didnt always mean exclusive attraction to women. It was used a lot more like sapphic is today. However, this changed with the rise of political lesbianism and lesbian seperatism

Political lesbianism is a political theory that was spearheaded by cis white lesbian terfs in the 60s and 70s, such as Sheila Jeffreys. Its the idea that sexuality is a choice, and that women should choose to be lesbians to free themselves from the patriarchy. It considered lesbians to be ideologically superior to wlm

Lesbian seperatism is a severe form of political lesbiansnism, and is the idea that women should have little to no contact with men at all

This hurt a lot of ppl including mspec women (for liking men), trans women (for being amab) and woc (for working with men of color towards liberation)

It was gross all around and mspecs were pushed out of their own communities. After all that and stonewall, we started getting more bi exlusive groups and orgs which is really wonderful ! Still, some ppl werent too happy and chose to call themselves lesbians or bi lesbians regardless

The trend of reclamation has been ongoing since then and theres tons of historical examples

-

theres some other definitions like fluid attraction and questioning between mspec and lesbian but i think those cover the main ones !

if you have any questions, or would like me to clear anything up dont hesitate to ask :]

[lycandrophile]

im transmasc myself and while i agree w the stuff in your pinned readmore thing im a little confused on how we are supposed to have grown up inherently different from cis women, or how our dicomfort with our gender is somehow innately different because we came to the conclusion we are men or otherwise trans. i dont think i completely agree. i think a lot of cis women go through much of the same, and possibly the exact same, discomfort we do because being interpreted as girls in society, or being dfab, is a difficult experience for most, especially for people who are gnc.

i think it really comes down to how we decide we are going to label ourselves or whether we pursue medical transition? a cis woman may be dysphoric in the same way we are, but decide she is not trans and is going to try to be comfortable with her body the way it is for whatever personal reason. she wont face the same stigma we do navigating society as transmasculine people, but we dont have to have an innate difference from her for our identities and our systemic oppression to be real, ykwim? like i can share the exact same thoughts and experiences as someone who decided they werent trans and still be trans myself, because being trans is an action i have taken to treat my dysphoria. i dont have to not feel like other girls (not saying this in a demeaning way just phrasing it like the post you made)

here's the thing: being trans as someone who was afab is about WAY more than just discomfort with being seen as women

first of all, it's not just about the discomfort - my experiences of gender euphoria are far more indicative of my gender experience as whole than my dysphoria is - sure, a cis woman could feel uncomfortable with what being perceived as a woman is like, but do they feel the same absolute joy when they're called a boyfriend or a brother or a dad or when they see their name next to "mr"? do they feel like everything in their life just makes more sense when they fit into it as a genderqueer man (in my case), or do they just not like what it means to fit into it as a woman? because there's a big difference

my point is, at the end of the day, it is impossible for me to have the "exact same thoughts and experiences" as a cis woman because those thoughts and experiences include Not Being A Woman, so anyone who shares my exact thoughts and experiences is necessarily not a cis woman

i think the real problem here is that you're viewing transness purely as a series of actions (social transition, legal transition, medical transition, etc)

sure, it might be that to you, but for the majority of trans people, it's so much more than that - i'm not trans in order to treat my dysphoria, i'm trans because my gender isn't the one i was assigned at birth, and that would be true regardless of what actions i take, because for me and most other trans people, transness as an identity and transitioning as an action are two separate (albeit often closely related) things

sure, our experiences don't HAVE to be innately different from cis women's for them to be valid, but that doesn't change the fact that (at least for most of us) they still are innately different - sometimes things are just true even if they don't need to be

and i would caution you to be VERY careful generalizing the idea that being trans is nothing more than a treatment for dysphoria, because that's the exact logic a lot of t/er/fs use to argue that we should just find "other treatments" (aka usually conversion therapy) and not let anyone transition

and on top of the t/er/f issue, this logic also suggests that discomfort is the main experience of being trans, which allows cis people to keep portraying it as a mental illness / generally bad thing, and also fucks over anyone who wants to transition to achieve euphoria even if they don't have the associated dysphoria (for example, i'm not dysphoric about my lack of facial hair but i AM euphoric when i see myself with facial hair so one of my transition goals is getting some facial hair - it doesn't matter that i'm comfortable without it because i would be even more comfortable with it and that's what SHOULD matter)

to give you a somewhat simplified answer to your question: our discomfort with womanhood is different from a cis woman's because our discomfort is part of a much larger internal experience of a different gender, and theirs likely wouldn't be solved by living as a different gender because that wouldn't align with their internal experience (as evidenced by the cis women who have transitioned and later realized it wasn't the right path because that wasn't the real source of their discomfort), so while the discomfort might feel the same on the surface, it comes from a different place and will have different experiences attached to it

[randomnumber27]

I think of gender, sexuality, etc like ice cream

Everybody has different tastes, like with ice cream, there's some who are cisgender or heterosexual, which I'd say would be vanilla

There's some who are transfem/transmasc or homosexual, which I'd say is blue moon or bubblegum

There's some who are bigender or bisexual, which I'd say is ube

There's some who are pangender or pansexual, which I'd say is pineapple

Then there's agenders, aromantics, or asexuals, which I'd say wouldn't like ice cream and get like a slushie instead

Genderfluid, grayromantic, or graysexual would probably take different ice reams depending on what they're feeling

There's some who are like a mix of both, such as genderfluid, biromantic asexuals, they'd probably be any type of ice cream that they're feeling + ube, and a slushie on the side

There's those who are even more into the gender spectrum, like demifluids, koiromantics, or pomosexuals. They'd all get their own thing like, the gender they're feeling partially+the gender they're being fluid with at the moment(demifluids), the ice cream they talk about(talk to in a person's case) or see more frequently(koiromantic), or even though they like ice cream(or maybe they don't, who knows) they would reject an offer to get ice cream(pomosexuals)

You just never know. Some people finally eat a different ice cream when they turn 40, and realize they like that more(vanilla to blue moon, or straight to gay). Some people were experimental as children, and ate different flavours and realized which one they like best, even though they liked vanilla first(vanilla to bubblegum, or cisgender to transfem)

Some people just go trhough them all throughout their life, and decide wayyy too late(eating vanilla as a child, three different flavours as a pre-teen, five flavours as a teen, four flavours as an adult, then finally decide what they see fits best, or what I mean is being cisgender heterosexual as a child, three different genders/sexualities as a pre-teen, five different genders/sexualities as a teen, and four different genders/sexualities as an adult, then finally chooses)

Some people just eat 1-3 flavours in their entire lifetime and stick with it because they *know* they won't like the other flavours

To all those struggling with identity: you don't have to know right now, we all have different tastes and different ways we experiment. Just know, the way you experiment is nothing less valid than the way others do it. If you want to take your time, then take your time. If you want to speed up and try new labels as quickly as possible to find the right one, do it! Just don't let your identity stress you out or cause problems with your life. Also know: you are never alone, people are always there for help.

[arospectips]

first of all thank you for all that y’all do!! i’ve sent in,,, a lot,,, and y’all have been so helpful and nice so thank you so much!! :))) this will be ~long~ so strap in. the bullet points make it look longer than it is but i figure it’s easier to read that way? idk. anyway i thought i was arospec and now i’m thinking i may be full aro? i know no one else can tell “diagnose” me or anything but i was hoping to get some perspective. so i’m just gonna put down all my thoughts and hope i haven’t forgotten anything.

- my first “crush” was in preschool

- i’ve had a lot of “crushes,” more than anyone else i’ve met, and none have lasted very long (at most until i stopped seeing them regularly)

- for the duration of these “crushes,” i could never really sort out my feelings and would eventually just accept it was romantic in order to stop thinking about it

- i’ve always thought of crushes as a fun thing, more of something i could choose rather than something that chose me (“this person is attractive and funny, do i have a crush on them? yes. no. probably. yeah, sure.” rather than “ahh i’m blushing and this attractive person made me laugh oh god do i like them?”)

- my “crushes” tended to be cute guys who were nice/funny or a close girl friend

- it never occurred to me to date these people until other people around me started dating

- when i was homeschooled for one year, 6th grade, i was mainly isolated (by choice/circumstance—as in nobody forced me to be alone or anything. my parents are great and cool) and didnt think about/yearn for a romantic relationship

- i began to question if i was acespec and found i am uncomfortable being described as “biromantic”

- i can easily imagine characters in romantic relationships but it is very difficult to imagine myself in one

- i “dated” a guy for about two weeks and was not comfortable when he would be *oogie*

- my favorite part of romance is the closeness, the idea of being committed to another person—everything that could also be construed as romance

- when characters are being particularly romantic (i.e. wedding vows, etc.) i get uncomfortable or skeptical, something i assumed everyone did because it seems so unrealistic

- for a long time i thought a romantic relationship would be the only way for me to be validated in my gender (if my partner was romantically attracted to men and was romantically attracted to me, then they must see me as a man so that means society sees me as a man and i get a stamp on my Transmasc Card or something)

- i thought a romantic relationship would be the only way for me to have a long-term/committed relationship (i’m not good at keeping friends)

- the times i have wanted a romantic relationship the most i have been the most insecure

- i enjoy reading/writing/watching romance (see clarification above) and have hardcore ships. but only queer ships?

- i really really wanted a romantic relationship (again, see above)

- i’ve been imagining my wedding since i was Baby because ohmygod big party and loving someone/people and them loving me

- i had a very intense “crush” for a few months on my best friend in middle school

- i like to cuddle/whatever and am ambivalent about kissing (which i’ve never done so i guess i can’t really have an opinion on it)

- up until i began questioning, i always thought i would be in a typical monogamous relationship, get married, have kids, etc.

- a while back my sister told me she had never had a crush and i didn’t understand how that could be (before i knew aspec was a thing)

- both my therapists think it is just how relationships are/this is just phase/i’m confused/etc.

- i am extremely introverted so maybe all this is a result of that rather than being aro

thank you for reading and taking the time to respond to my stupid long ask, i love and appreciate you all!!!

There sure are a lot of relatable aro things in here. Fake crushes, thinking you want to date someone and then realizing that you don't actually, having different feelings about fictional romance and real romance, not thinking about relationships when there's no one around to put it on your mind, wanting a relationship for the sake of proving you're not cis/het… you're certainly not alone in any of those things. 

You might benefit from the term "alterous attraction" which can be used to describe an emotional pull that doesn't fit neatly into platonic or romantic. Kind of like gender, this is one of those binaries that more or less works for a majority of people, so we end up acting like the area in between or outside of it doesn't exist. 

Closeness, commitment, kissing, and cuddling are not actually exclusive to romance. These are common motives for aros to pursue queerplatonic, alterous, or similar relationships. Wanting those things does not preclude you from being aromantic.

Therapists, like anyone, are not always great when it comes to aspec issues. There's a good chance your therapists would tell even the most obvious aro person in the world that it's just a phase or a repression problem. I'd suggest looking for a new therapist, maybe taking a look at arorecommended. If you can't do that, then it's probably best to avoid the subject of romance. 

Being introverted doesn't seem to stop plenty of alloromantics from having yearnings and crushes. They might have a harder time actively pursuing those crushes, but the same desires are there. 

Overall there's nothing here that makes me want to say, "Yeah that's romantic attraction". If you think aromantic fits better than any other arospec label, go for it. 

[hardheadedbighearted]

Since Hayley is dying of no-Covid juice and I don't have any other watermelons stuffed with hamburger meat to chase around my enclosure for enrichment right now, I thought it might be a good chance to talk about some of my characters' relationships with gender.

(eta: Apparently it's non-binary people's day so I'm going to pretend that's why)

So, it doesn't get many opportunities to come up, but while most of my characters use the pronouns given to them by canon, that doesn't mean all of them are binary; it just means they all have binary pronouns (for various reasons, which I'll get into in a second). Along with "not really coming up much", another reason is that the characters themselves aren't really there yet, or because even I don't know what their gender will do once they actually get there.

Anyway, all that said, here are some of the characters that I know are non-binary, or who otherwise lack what we would think of as a traditional relationship with gender (which I'll explain in a minute).

-Neopolitan {Redacted}: Neo is the most obvious example, and the only one I've been able to have come up on screen that wasn't an oc. Neo's gender is "all", and "all your gender are belong to us", and "this gender is mine", and "gender: yes". When it comes to pronouns, her stance is not so much "I use all pronouns" as "all pronouns are equally correct". Most people default (herself included) to she just because she is to all appearances a woman, but if someone were to break out a he or a they or a xe or a hir or etc, she's not going to care or likely even notice unless a big deal is made.

However, Neo does at times take on personas in order to do her job, and her personas will sometimes have very different stances on their genders. Gideon, for example, uses exclusively they; if memory serves, the sphynx cat from the raid was a he, and the black cat with the green eyes that is underneath Neo's many illusions is exclusively a she. (There's a reason for this, but she informs me it's none of your business.)

(In before, the black cat with the green eyes is not Neo's "true" identity; insofar as she thinks of any of her personas as the "true" self, that would be Neo, the black cat with the green eyes is just her natural form. This is why the black cat with the green eyes doesn't have a name and is usually referred to using the name of the strawberry calico. The reasons for this are, again, none of your business.)

-Yang Xiao Long and Weiss Schneebird: I'm listing both of these together because they're both in the camp of "haven't gotten there yet" with a healthy dose of "I don't know what they'll do when they do get there". I know that I, personally, don't see either Yang or Weiss as binary girls, nor do I feel the urge to rub my trans man fingers all over them (that's for Ruby... maybe. we'll see). I think Yang will likely end up somewhere on the Butch side of the Butch/Trans cusp; I've been reading a lot of blogs from trans men and transmasc individuals recently and them talking about their experience, and I feel like Yang will probably settle in somewhere in that arena. Weiss, on the other hand... look, okay. Honesty time: years ago during an event I won't talk about, I threw out "nonbinary Weiss" as a counterexample to a point I shouldn't have even had to make, and that single, throwaway suggestion has lived in my brain rent-free for years. Now that I have finally moved past the part of me that is still bitter about what happened (okay.. I'm still bitter, but not as much as before), I feel safe to explore that without the negative associations. Also, I saw an edit last year of Weiss with short hair, and it unlocked something in my brain. I think Weiss will end up somewhere unadjacent to binary (contrary to Yang moving along the feminine to masculine line), with an attachment to certain specific identity labels as removed from the context of a binary identity. Also given how long this turned out probably I shouldn't have made them the same bullet point. (Side note, this early gender questioning is why Yang took care to ask Neo's pronouns.)

-Qrow and Raven: Okay, so this one is the one I meant when I alluded to "non-traditional relationships with gender". While both twins do exist on what we would think of as a binary axis (while not identifying either as binary or nonbinary man/woman, respectively), they didn't get there in the traditional "assigned at birth" or "transition" way.

See, here's the thing about ravens: they don't have much sexual dimorphism to speak of. Males are typically larger than females, but with such a broad overlap that even size isn't that reliable. From this, I headcanon that in DT society, ravens (and other birds that have matching genitals and no dimorphism) don't really have a concept of "assigned at birth gender". You find out what sex you are once puberty hits, and gender is something that ravens just explore, sometimes settling very quickly into one thing and sometimes trying on lots, sometimes moving fluidly throughout their entire life.

When it comes to their actual sex, we know that Raven is female. Qrow... I genuinely don't know. I know based on certain things coming down the pipeline it's a high probability that he's also female, but those are just loosely based on my assumptions about how those loose ideas will play out, and are irrelevant and unlikely to come up anyway.

As far as their relationship with genders go, Qrow settled into male sometime during childhood, while Raven tried on genders for awhile before deciding sometime in her twenties that female was "close enough". However, for both of them gender is about how they're perceived externally, and doesn't mean much as far as their internal relationship with gender goes (which is basically nonexistent).

Will also say that there was a time when Raven was absolutely prepared to try on male for awhile to see if it would get James into bed with her, but that was more out of horniness than anything else. When it's been awhile and your best friend is hot, just got fitted with a metal dick he should probably take for a test run, and is pining for your identical twin, a girl will consider anything. Apparently.

Note regarding Yang re: raven genders, Yang is half-tanager and appeared more tanager than raven until adolescence, so Raven kind of got vetoed by Tai and Summer (not in a deliberate way, just sort of happened like that). However, both Yang and Ruby were raised to think of their assigned gender as a "default setting" that they could change at any point they so chose.

-Reese Chloris: This one will come up as soon as I get the opening for it; Reese is a transmasculine woman, and is in fact early into hrt (this is why I took care to specify her as a peahen when she first turned up). She is also a straight transmasculine woman, something that she's only recently come to accept about herself, because of course a woman who wants to look like a man to the point of taking hormones to make that happen has to be sapphic, right? Reese is still on a journey when it comes to her gender and identity; the three things she knows for sure positive are: 1, wants to kiss boys, 2, doesn't want to be boys, 3, wants to be mistaken for boys.

-Emerald Sustrai: Listen, Mercury's comment that "Emerald's not a girl, she's Emerald" is easy to dismiss as Mercury not thinking of his partner as a potential romantic pursuit until you remember that Mercury and Emerald share a dreamscape and a mental connection and that Mercury is trans, and you start to wonder if maybe he just knows something we don't.

Anyway, Emerald's not a girl, she's Emerald. What that will mean for her... well, that's actually one of the ones that I already know, but Emerald hasn't gotten there yet. Give her time. :)

-Lie Ren: He's never actually onscreen, but I always sort of envision Ren as menderfluid- never a woman, not always a man. He's also aro-ace, but that's unrelated. I just wanted to put that out there. ("But Theo! What about Renora?!" What about Renora?)

-Neon Katt: Nonbinary woman. There's not much to say about this one; Neon just considers the box of "cis woman" to be too stifling for her taste. Strictly speaking she's a she/they and even has a pin advertising this, but it's never come up outright.

-Roman Torchwick and Robyn Hill: Binary man and woman, just not in the traditional way. Not gonna elaborate, they just belong on the list. Don't worry about it.

[souprights]

DIY for Transmasc Minors/Those still living with unsupportive family

For context, I'm just turned 17, still living with my parents and live in the USA. This is just my experience! It may not be the best/easiest way to go about DIYing. I'm going to do my best to make this as comprehensive as possible, and please let me know if anything if incorrect or if I should add anything.

Firstly, if you're under the age of 16, I don't recommend this at all!! DIY should be a last-ditch effort, after you've tried all else. Please seek therapy, a supportive friend group, and a good community before turning to illegal means, because, yes, purchasing and being in possession of T without a script is illegal.

What's it Gonna Cost?

For cost, you're going to need about $60 - $115 of reliable income a month. Depending on the site you use, and how many millilitres of (injectable) T you purchase, that's going to vary, but $60 is the typical minimum I can find. Don't forget shipping is going to be around $15-30.

This only includes the T!! Don't forget you're going to need needles, bandaids, and alcohol swabs if you're injecting, as well as blood tests.

What Kind of T?

Whether you use gel or injections is entirely up to you and your comfort. However, please avoid orals! Those are just gonna wreck your liver, no matter how painlessly tempting they may be.

Gels run more expensive, but with injectable, there's extra purchases/packages to be had.

Hang On, Blood Tests?

To make sure your levels are in a safe/normal range, you're going to need a blood test. If possible, look for Quest or LabCorp-esque places to get proper bloods done. I was too nervous to do that, given how closely my parents track my every move while I'm not at home, so settle for finger prick at-home tests if necessary. Unless the site advertises Discreet Packaging, I highly recommend having these sent to a friend and picking them up at school/when hanging out.

Do one before starting T, one at Month One, Two and Three, respectively. Based on your levels, adjust or figure out your dose. If everything is typical at Month Three, you don't have to test again till Month Six. After that, check at your One Year mark, then yearly thereafter.

Where/How Do I Get All This?

eroids.com is the first place I turn to when looking for places to order T. You can read reviews for each site listed, and get an average rating from people who've used the sites. If you want to go for gels, I suggest poking around Reddit and finding other people who've DIYed with gel, and asking them for their opinions and recommendations. Make an informed decision no matter what you choose, and spend PLENTY of time researching.

For needles, bandaids, and alcohol swabs I honestly just use Amazon. MAKE SURE you mark your order as a gift, or else you're probably going to run into the issue of the packaging being marked with "medical supplies." Imagine your overbearing parents seeing that and ripping open your package, and immediately assuming you're spending your days in back alleys shooting up. Not fun. Take my word, and learn from my mistake.

As for bloods, just poke around till you find a test that takes your free T and total T both, or go somewhere and have it done proper.

Now, you might try using a PO box to not worry about your family seeing any packages arriving, or having it sent to a friend with more relaxed/accepting parents. Later in the year (when I'm doing this) using the approaching gift-giving holidays to keep people out of your parcels might be plausible. Or maybe your family doesn't care. Ultimately, imagine the worst case scenario and judge what to do knowing your own situation.

Okay, But....Bitcoin

Ah, yes. Daunting, tricky Bitcoin. Majority of sites only accept Bitcoin as payment. But I swear it's not as bad or hard as it sounds. Your first issue is honestly going to be finding somewhere that doesn't require you to be 18+ to purchase it. Now, don't worry too much. For me, I got my older sister to put in all her details, and I just used my money to make purchases. You can do the same with an 18+ friend, relative, or relative of a friend's. Or, send an 18+ friend's CashApp the money necessary to make a Bitcoin purchase and transfer for you.

Now, my first order of T was only about $60, with shipping and everything, since I only bought 4ml total to begin with. If you buy a bigger vial, it's going to cost more. $60 was as much as I could spend without making my parents suspicious (they keep an eye on my bank account), so if you have a similar problem or a smaller spending threshold of concern, don't worry. Just spend your max threshold on buying Bitcoin as often as you can. The Bitcoin will be stored for you to compile and use later. Keep in mind its value may go down, so buy a bit extra if you're saving up over time.

I use an app called Edge to handle all my Bitcoin transactions. It's simple, easy, and you can use a card, a direct bank transfer, Apple Pay or Cash (if there's a Bitcoin ATM near you--no worries, there's a handy map in the app itself to lead you to the nearest one of those). I used Apple Pay, so unfortunately, I can't help with any other methods than that. You can also use CashApp, but Edge's verification went much much faster, and I was not in the mood to wait a few extra days.

There's going to be a fee, usually outlined before you select your payment type. I included that in the cost of the T above, which might be more or less.

And lastly, it's not instant. It usually takes a few hours, but if it's more than a few days, reach out to customer support.

Each site lists instructions with how to send payment once ordered. Just follow their instructions, and talk to them if you have any trouble. They're usually more than happy to help you send them money.

So I've ordered my T

Shipping times are going to vary!! Keep this in mind. If you used eroids, users typically include shipping time in their reviews. This may influence which site you pick. Domestic sites tend to have faster shipping and don't risk customs seizing your pack--if customs seizes a pack with an illegal substance, you're going to get a letter. That's pretty hard to find an excuse out of, way closer to impossible.

Typical processing times are 2-5 days, but may vary a little, depending on things that may include a lovely little pandemic. Shipping is typically 1-2 weeks for domestic sites, 3-5 weeks for international. Shipping prices tend not to vary much, however, no matter where the warehouse is.

Hiding Changes

This is going to be the tricky part. I've known some people to only go on T for three months or so, as to get some changes to reduce dysphoria, but not have family members notice. If you spend a lot of time around family, the changes are gradual and they might not notice. But keep your own safety in mind above all else. What's the worst that's going to happen if your family confronts you over your changes? How long will you be able to write off your voice as "a cold" before someone wises up? How much longer are you going to be staying with your family?

I'm out to my unsupportive family, so despite being discouraged from any transition of any sort, any and all voice changes I'm writing off as voice training. Facial hair? Minoxidil. More muscle? I've been working out. These may or may not be things you can use, so consider carefully.

Aside from your voice and facial hair, there won't be anything too difficult to hide or write off. Shave your facial hair away as soon as you get up if it develops/needs to be hidden. Consider and compile a list of excuses as to why your voice is changing in case of questions.

Hiding Supplies

This is going to depend a lot on your house and situation. Do you have animals, parents or siblings who invade your spaces and find your hidey holes? A piece of advice I read in an MtF guide to DIY is to hide something you won't get in trouble for where you plan on hiding your hormones, and see if anyone finds it over a few weeks. Repeat until somewhere safe is scouted.

I have small cardboard boxes I keep under my bed, in a cabinet I have in my room, and on my desk. Only bandaids are kept on the box on my desk. But the other places I hide things have an equal distribution of my supplies, so even if someone finds one box, I'll be able to continue HRT.

Try to keep your T much better hidden than other supplies. I'm in an arts-focused degree in college, and a very artistic person, so I've managed to write off needles and syringes as pieces to build a 3D art project for a portfolio. Try to find an excuse to use if your needles are found. Maybe the art thing works for you, maybe not.

Consider taking precautionary measures of removing/covering labels of your T if you're using an injectable kind. You might be able to get away with calling it a prop of some kind, for a TikTok video or something if it's found.

Disposing of Needles/Wrappers/Etc

Alright, so you've done your first shot of T, or applied your first gel packet. Congrats! Now, how to hide the evidence? Firstly, for gels, it won't be too difficult. Just use a plastic grocery bag and fill it with other miscellaneous rubbish and mix the wrappers in with that. Toss the tied bag in your own bin, or a neighbour's bin if that's safer. If that's not possible, do so at school.

Needles are a more tricky circumstance. If you're able to purchase and safely dispose a sharps bin, 100% do that. If you're in a place like me and that's not possible, go and buy some soda with twist-top lids, or get them from friends. Once the bottle is empty, you can toss needles into there. In my experience, 1ml syringes and the small needles used for T injections fit in these 500ml bottles no issue. I throw these sealed bottles in the bin once they're full. I know this isn't proper disposable, but I'm unable to get a sharps bin.

Never throw exposed needles into the bin, or leave them somewhere anyone or anything could possibly be exposed to them.

For T bottles, I've only ever found one site that sells it in containers smaller than 10ml. I'm not sure if the 10ml bottles would fit into the soda bottles or not, so follow the same procedure as disposing of gel wrappers. If that's not possible, use a sharp knife to cut open your soda bottle at the widest part and put the bottle in there, before using a strong adhesive tape (not scotch tape--duct tape or something similar) to seal the incision before disposing of it.

In Conclusion

I've left out a list of the changes T causes, and starting doses, because those are all easy things to find, which you probably know already. Regardless of what this small guide says, please keep your own safety in mind and do as much research as possible before moving forward with DIY, and know that I'm no kind of professional, and all this is based off my tiny bit of experience.

As of the original posting of this, I haven't yet started T. I'm going to start in about two weeks, however, and have gathered everything necessary. I may update this guide further as I take T.