#and in the manner you wished they did
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Strength. Why is it, that I am at my strongest when it is in service of another? Why, when alone, do I struggle to bring my tenacity, my will, and my power to bear? Why is it so easy, when I know another can benefit? When I am exhausted, beaten down, fatigued, and broken, I know I have nothing left. But a single request, a hint that my little brothers may need my help, and a well is tapped deep within me. In a wink, my weakness flees, like a faint mist before the blazing sun. A flood of power, of strength, of vitality surges through my veins. I come to aid, a thunderous presence, bringing all my strength to them. Whatever opposes them, be it small, nigh insignificant, or large, seeming indomitable, I am behind them, and will do all I can to see them succeed. When it is over, the strength retreats, like a dragon taking flight back to its hoard. The exhaustion returns once more, sweeping over me as I seek my rest. Why when I need that strength to care for myself, is it inaccessible? Where does it go? And why is it only awoken by the plaintive cry of another? No greater joy have I had than this: to bring my full might to bear in service of another. So may we all, one day.
#Fret not little brother. I have the weight#strength#life#the masculine urge to serve others#to be there#to answer the call#not to be a savior#but to be the person you wished had answered your call#and in the manner you wished they did#we've all been given strength#and it's always at it's best in service of another#inspired by a moment in Helldivers earlier#a little brother was pinned down and taking fire from all sides#and called out for aid#with the focus and power of a max level player#I descended on his position#like Aurelia from the heavens#and kept him safe#the surge of love and purpose flooded me like no other#remembering what it felt like to Be There#I'm tearing up just remembering something so small and simple#but I wish i had a big brother to do that for me
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It's just-
Yasuke is SOOOOOOOOOO important to the overall plot and the themes of the series, to the point that he leaves behind a massive plothole in Different Mastermind AUs. It's just disheartening to see that people either don't know about him or significantly downplay his involvement.
His relationship with Junko, the core of Danganronpa, is so fucking amazing. The fact that he was one of the most important people to her, to the point that the only thing she's able to remember is how much she loves him, is such a refreshing take on her character when shes constantly portrayed as the evil force. That, even when she is the villain of dr0, we learn that she is capable of loving something other than despair.
His the only other peice we get of Junko's backstory that isn't from Mukuro (which has to be taken with a grain of salt since shes not telling full truths and was also in Fenrir for a good chunk). The sandcastle story gives us a look at a Junko who does something for the sake of another person, without planning on using them. He's probably the only character who's seen Junko grow up, who knows every step of her life. (Never specified when the met, just that he knew her when she went into elementary school (so prolly around 6yo). But Junko also lies that she was responsible for Matsuda's mom condition, and considering he is unsure to believe her implies that there is some plausibility, so who knows how long that was.)
ANYWAY
The fact that he is so ingrained into the two games is so UGH. Yasuke's the reason class 78 cant remember their past. Why Kyoko doesn't remember her talent. The foundation of the game is reliant on HIS research. And even the NWP, something he helped create, is how the second game is able to play out. (And possibly how Junko knew about it since she made AI Junko to be placed into it.) It's so important to the game that even drv3 had to incorporate it somehow into its games.
Just the amount of love she has for this fucker DRIVES ME CRAZY. To include parts of his life's research into her games, to use the same knife she killed him with to frame her biggest obstacles for her sister's death, to have fragments of your last days with him seeping out of your AI self (the notebook, and the two white noises during 2-6)??? UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
The fact, the fucking FACT, that he was the closest person to actually saving her?? Yasuke! Not Makoto, or hajime, or even her fucking twin. Mr."Shut the fuck up, old man".
But its also the point of no return for Junko. The minute Ryoko "died", all her goodness died. Yasuke could've easily agreed to Ryoko's pleas to forget about everything and go back to his lab. But he didn't. And that's where things were set.
He did so much for Junko, because he loved her.
#danganronpa#dr0#yasuke matsuda#yapology#I could go on and on and on about this fucker#I don't do him justice#But I love him so#Will not tolerate mean things about him#'He placed a fake persona into junko-' wrong Ryoko IS Junko#Just without her memories#She still has the same mannerisms as her and can use her talent#'Hes so mean tho' ok his mom died tragically and the only other person in his life is crazy#Also god forbid a character be mean#'He did murder and hid bodies for junko-' bestie this is danganronpa I bet you 20 bucks that you're fave is a blackened too#No Matsuda hate will be allowed#scarposts#Atleast he got a smooch before he died good on him#READ DR0#its 2 volumes with 16 chapters each#Yall read Ao3 fics 5× longer than that#The revamped ver is the best ugh#Might link it later#anyway#Karl rambles about his husband#I WISH HE WAS
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Self discovery of the day: Martin Freeman as Bilbo Baggins gives me gender envy
#Disaster malewife aesthetic#It's not just the wardrobe it's the whole package of his mannerisms too#I wish we had more of that in the movies... once he's on the quest he's more demure and quietly observing because he's not in his element#But every second of him in Bag End is pure delight and yearning in equal parts#I wish I was him#Fucked up what you did to me there Martin. Real fucked up#the hobbit#bilbo baggins#queer
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aryu and tokimitsu are so special to me actually
#tokimitsu picking up styl/glam/osha as a manner of speech from him in canon is so cute.#but also i read tokimitsu's egoist bible profile and like. ougghhh. he is so unconfident. i think he thinks aryu is really cool#because he thought aryu was weird at first (he still does‚ a bit) but he admires how unapologetically himself aryu is and wishes he could be#like that. tokimitsu has never worn nail polish in his life and keeps his jair at that length because it's a Normal length no one would#judge him for. and then he meets all these freaks in blue lock who are not scared like he is. but aryu specifically is so flamboyant and#Unashamed it's just incredible to him.#and tokimitsu is like a scraggly baby pigeon to aryu. not quite glam but endearing. they've bonded.#actually aryu would probably rest a hand on tokimitsu's shoulder and be like 'you have strong muscles like a beautiful racehorse. that is#so glam of you.' to which tokimitsu is baffled but a little flattered. anyway i think aryu makes tokimitsu look at pictures of horses. and#they listen to music together. i think they would enjoy each other's favorite songs. and of course aryu would convince tokimitsu to let him#paint his nails so he can stop biting them (it's not stylish). tokimitsu wants to hide his hands afterward but cant help but notice how#his hands aren't so bad to look at with emerald green nail polish on them. it feels nice.#Where did this come from. Goodnight#masayapping#aryu jyubei#tokimitsu aoshi
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in concerns to celebrations...i see...
#(stares at tumblr user polyabathtub in a menacing manner)#did you know if you subtract 15 from 42 you get 27#@/polyabathtub i blame all my madness on you#WHAT THE FUCK#the youngest always has to toddle after the oldest huh 😭😭😭#how i wish an anvil would fall out of the sky and hit me on the head#somehow this is a weird form of crosscountry foreplay#hey man is it chill if do the exact same things as the man who calls you his favourite finn?#luosty how does it feel to be the main character#anyways#a gem and a libra together? more news at 11#“imitation is the sincerest form of flattery” or whatever the hell mr o wilde said#fUCK
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> looking for a tenma siblings relationship study
> ask the op if the study is actually about the tenmas or just treating saki like an accessory to tsukasa
> they don’t understand
> pull out an illustrated diagram explaining the difference
> they laugh and say “it’s a good relationship study sir”
> click the post
> it’s treating saki like an accessory to tsukasa
#project sekai#listen I love tsukasa as I love all the wxs members but i also love saki and cannot stand u people#don’t even get me started on when people fridge saki for contrived tsukasa angst. I’ll kill you.#i could also go on a rant abt how saki is so disrespected in general by pjsk fans#& as sm1 with a (less severe) chronic illness I do not appreciate how her illness is only explored in relation to how tsukasa feels abt it#but I think I would get too frustrated#gripping ur shoulders. read the doll story again.#also if ur talking abt tsukasa’s character & don’t mention saki u have automatically failed#before any of his relationships saki is the most important like it’s not subtext it’s literally just text#did we forget the dazzling event where he finally has a breakthrough in his role bc he talked to saki.#or the main story where he’s like yea saki is literally the reason I pursued acting#or the doll event where he’s despondent bc he thinks saki is mad at him & then when honami comes to his school#his first reaction is to sprint over like WHAT HAPPENED 2 SAKI IS SHE OK (sprints home)#or saki canonically being his no.1 fan. smh. u cannot separate them. and why would u want to. they’re so funny.#+ saki saying he made her hospitalizations more bearable. picking up on his mannerisms. crying during the doll festival bc they had a fight.#the dolls being her favorite things bc of how it symbolized their bond.#the complex tenma sibling mental illness web in general makes me crazy.#saki is like I love u but I wish u wouldn’t worry abt me so much and rely on me more & then tries to hide issues to make him not worry#tsukasa is like I’m always worried abt u and I don’t want to burden u because I feel like I need to always be a rock for u#ough. love them.
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I think. The reason I got so invested in SW when The Mandalorian came out. Was partly because of the story, yes, but largely because I didn’t HAVE to know any of the extended universe to understand this one story. It was so good on its own and it was unique and interesting and compelling and judicious with its script
And I miss that.
#tbd#Just… It’s become what comic books became#And expecting for people to watch/consume everything just to keep up with one story is A. bad writing and B. inaccessible#idk I just wish it had stayed that way#Like I remember my dad after we watched Revenge of the Sith in theaters saying there were big portions that either weren’t compelling#Or didn’t make sense why they were happening the way they did#Order 66 chief among them because people who only saw the movies had no idea about the control chips in the clones#It’s never brought up in the movie#And there was never a length of time where we saw the buildup of the Jedi’s and clones’ relationship#And I remember people telling us ‘‘Oh it makes so much sense if you watched the clone wars show!!’’#Well. We were poor. We couldn’t afford cable so we never saw the show.#You shouldn’t rely on outside media to tell your story if your not going to include it in the primary material in a compelling manner#*you’re#Anyway. Frustrated at what could have been.
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Recent misc pictures
#image 1 - sky of course.. beautiful clouds time. Image 2 - steak and scrambled eggs with a mushroom spinach sautee sort of thing#and an apple fritter (all cooked at home of course except for the apple fritter... still wishing I could ever get food out or have it made#for me so I don't have to do the effort of making it all myself.. it just tastes better sometimes when you're in a relaxed state eating#it rather than a 'just stood in the kitchen for 1hr' state lol). Image 3 - nice gray clouds with the sun through them.#Image 4 - 4 tiny gyoza type things with a tiny Diet Restriction Friendly size portion of iced coffee and a starshaped ice cube#Images 5 - 7 - these interesting flowers I came across whilst walking on a trail. I think the way they grow is cool. And that the buds of#them are so fluffy and such. Image 8 - 9 -- more stinky word counts... aughhh...... Trying to plan a full timeline of when#I might actually finish the game and I'm estimating currently like July 2025 as an insanely optimistic ideal and October 2025 as my very#late one. So likely somewhere in between. Or even later if something happens as things tend to do (computer explodes. etc)#Both are HOT months for oregon so I guess that's what started me off thinking and dwelling on the passage of time and the weather.. grrr#I wish I could be done with it tomorrow or something and then just relax and play sims all winter knowing my work is done lol#But I feel like the impending summer (as well as many other impending societally threatening things) give me too much urgency to be like#WAUGh i need to get this done NOWWW.. But I still wish I could relax and enjoy the winter a litttle. eugh... ANYWAY. I did finish the#discord for the game but I still don't know if I'll use that. I need to work more on the game itself and the itch.io page. But then also#I should probably talk about it or try to cultivate a small base of people (like a discord) who actually care about it and could become#future playtesters so I have that all ready well before the game actually is done so I needn't scramble at the last minute.. If I were#smart. and had social skills. and had energy (< has none of these things). So inevitably who knows if shall be able to muster any such feat#At least I'm getting like.. some words done.. some days. I am making progress. It's just never good enough considering the circumstances#(< looming instability and time passing in what feels like a very fast manner). ANYWAY.. lol... Image 10 - recent game of Price#Is Right Plinko Pegs my beloved game which I return to to play like maybe 2 rounds of once every 5 months... one day I shall win... Though#I'm incresingly uncertain if there even IS a last level. Or if its designed to go on forever/make you fail at a point to keep you playing..#Last two images - CLOUDS again. A very cloud heavy photo diary this time it seems lol#Also trying to: - post a few more costumes from drafts. - make new friend survey thing. - edit videos - make a sculpture. - set up#things to actually sell sculptures. - doctors appointments. - pack up things to possibly move before the summer to an apartment which#will still not have central AC but maybe at least is not west facing (so gets direct sun hottest part of the day and is a greenhouse)#Life is a constant revolving to do list with occasional sleep & looking at clouds in between.. (sigh)(pauses)(slightly more whimsical sigh)#photo diary
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I thought I would be making this at a later date, but I’m going to state it now. This blog is not gonna continue.
I will leave it up as an archive, though I do not know how to deactivate side blogs, so as of now it will remain active until I figure out how to deactivate it.
That being said, through one of the victims, I wished to stand up for I learned about a blog that has actively been actively targeting Cerberus in a harassment campaign.
Do I support the things that Cerberus did over a year ago? No. I find disgusting. However, I am aware that they are trying to recover from this, in which I support the recovery from what they did in the past.
That being said, from what I have seen, the blog has consistently moved the goal post further back after each time it was met. If I am correct, this is a manipulation tactic (please do correct me if I am wrong on this. I do not wish to spread misinformation.)
What I do know is that they have been publicly spreading misinformation about ikamigami knowingly supporting a groomer. If any evidence to support the claim can be provided, then please provide it as it is necessary in cases like this to provide the evidence, whether it be in a Google document or just sharing the screenshots.
But I also know from what I’ve seen is that they used a manipulation tactic when bringing this up, which already makes me cast outs on the claim ikamigami supporting a groomer knowingly, especially when it has been pointed out that said groomer lied to the public
I also want to mention that this account seems to go against the wishes of one of the victims. the victim had mentioned that they aren’t happy with the fact that the document was being used to tear others down & being used as other people‘s moral high grounds.
I will admit I have gotten emotional looking through that blog as they seem to brush off any criticisms or concerns about the victims, when brought up by others, along with reading messages from the victims they made their account for. I am doing my best to keep those emotions separated from this blog, though I do apologize if they have slipped through.
For the victims that I wished to stand for, I apologize as I believe I have unintentionally harmed you. I went into this project, mainly with emotions without thinking of how it would affect my mental health, or a proper understanding of everything that has gone on in the situation. I do believe the blog that I am talking about here is in a similar situation to me when it comes to the creation of our blogs.
With That being said. I thank those who have come here to vent to me, give evidence, or just stood by my side and trying to help others. I’ve let you all down, and I apologize for doing so. And for the victim who had dm’d me, I’m sorry people are using the document from a year ago, along with what you experienced in the past in a way you are uncomfortable with. I do wish I could stop it for you, but I do believe I am powerless in this situation.
And with that, it’s farewell everyone.
#exposing the truth#hopeful final post#if I can be personal for one moment in the tags#This blog genuinely drained my mental health. It was… Exhausting to run to say the least.#And having to restrict myself with talking and act in a more professional manner did not help#Again I apologize to anyone I’ve affected negatively#I do not change my belief that the big blogs did cause serious harm#though thanks to an anon I got the day I took my break. It made me realize I didn’t really have a proper grasp on the entire situation.#I don’t think I’ll ever have a proper grasp on it#But from what I can tell it negatively affected a lot of people. And I just wanted to help.#This blog was genuinely a spur of the moment decision. I should’ve thought through with making it but I didn’t.#well… this is goodbye.#As much as I wanna say I’ll miss you guys. I’m probably not.#You seem like genuinely great people but the community is just too much of a drain on my mental health#if I’m asked by anyone to address the blog I was talking about in this post I’ll probably do it via DM’s#Unless the blog I am talking about seize this and wishes to make it public#Other than that I probably will not ever come back to this account again#I do believe I have a problem with rambling…#so with that… Goodbye again
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me rn
#I HAD SUCH A NICE DAY#AND IT'S SNOWING TOO🥺😭#spent the whole day with my friend and her boyfriend bc he's visiting and it was literally so nice omg#maybe controversial opinion but i actually love being around people in love#and girl? i wish i had someone looking at me the way he does at my bestie#and not to jinx anything but he's such a nice guy you can easily tell he's a good person and cares about her a lot#the cuteness aggression i was getting for them... stop.#and i think it's also very nice that he wanted me to tag along for the whole day with them bc he wants to get to know people#who are important to her#so we took a walk around my city and went to a museum and for some food and idk it was just. so nice#AND i did all that in english🫡 and my spoken english got rustyyyy omg ;-;#i'm so so so happy for her <3#AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY#apparently there's a specific mannerism that she got from me but didn't do it that much#but when they started dating HE GOT IT FROM HER AND DOES IT ALL. THE. TIME. APPARENTLY#so it's kind of like he got it from me even though today was the first time that we met properly lsjdhsjkdjcjf#anyway. i'm filled with so much love and joy rn AND it's snowing#the vibes are immaculate#agnes talking
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Did the stuff exchange 👍 that sucked 👍 wahoo
#speculation nation#i was very curt bc i just wanted to get it over with.#kinda wish id given her a piece of my mind but whatever#i did shut the door rather forcefully in her face. which hopefully said plenty.#and then i cried bc it just felt so Cold. a stark difference from the last time i saw her.#man ive come to accept it's probably for the best overall but the suddenness of it still sucks so bad.#also the 'i never actually loved you' thing. what an asshole thing to say.#she also missed one of the stuffed animals and it's one i wanted to have back Especially#bc it's a pair with one that i own. i want my little bee's axolotl friend back And i dont want her owning the other one of a pair.#she seemed to really love this deer before. said it gave her a lot of comfort to hug at night.#so i wanted it back especially too. i dont want her getting any more comfort from my prior affection for her.#i just hope that seeing me reminded her that im a real fucking person that she fucked over.#like yeah shes got her new 'love' yadda yadda yadda but she strung me along for 6 fucking months#then broke up with me over fucking TEXT. saying some incredibly insensitive things as she did so.#even if they were the truth. there are still some things that dont need said i think. especially to someone who has trust issues.#but most of all she shouldve fucking done it in person or At Least on the phone.#i told her plenty already how cowardly and horrible it was for her to break up with me over text#and i want to scream it from the rooftops and carve it into her tires#but i wont. because ive said it enough. and being too destructive wont make anyone happy.#not even me.#it just feels like such an injustice. and i feel so angry and hurt.#i can understand and accept that it's probably for the best that the relationship ended here#but that doesnt make the manner it was done hurt any less.#and jesus i thought i was the asshole for how i broke up with my girlfriend last year. at least i broke up with her in person!!!!#i didnt even get that. what a whole load of bullshit.#anyways im gonna play my samurai game. and focus the best i can on just moving on.
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Today, I offer you...
🌟 he 🌟
#[been thinking all day abt how much jona happily infodumps abt az/te/c culture and civilization on others if he gets the chance lol]#[especially when you take into account he canonly has some kind of morbid fascination with the dead and w/occult stuff (ie. the stone mask)#[probably had a blast the first time he tried pozole (a dish that seems it was popular in that culture and still is nowadays in mexico)]#[and he'd totally throw in the good ole ''did you know it's believed az/te/cs used actual human flesh instead of meat to make this?!'']#[he wouldn't do it in an ill-natured manner tho! he wouldn't try to upset others on purpose (and possibly ruin their meal in the process xd#[it'd be just his nerd ass infodumping and throwing some very dark facts/stuff bc he's so used to all of it lol]#[but yeah. i can definitely see why he got invested so much into all that stuff]#[it's just perfect for him]#[and yeah. i will be making a more formal post about all this sometime (if my pea brain doesn't forget to do it)]#;ooc tag#[stilllll feel free to interact with jona if you wish to! (regular jona. not micro!jona lol)]#[anyways.. had a bit of A Day]#[but at least i got to see some hal/low/een and dia de muertos stuff!]#[so that was good]#[i'm tired but i'll be working on replies]#[might not get any done tonight but they will be worked on nonetheless!]#[hope everyone's having a lovely day/night!! <3]
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i pass pretty much all the time but hm. ive heard interesting stuff from drunk ppl i know who dont know im trans
#''haha when my bf was talking about you and i asked to see a picture he showed me one and i was like... is that right? bc i thought that was#a girl in that pic. i mean only bc i didnt expect him to have any girlypop friends haha''#yeah i mean that is an average thing to say and not mean or anything but it hits a bit different when im trans#i mean the person saying that didnt know and if they did they would have never said anything like that#but it's still a bit. hmmm.#also the topic of my looks came up and it's funny how everyone thinks i'm cute#i wish i could b masc hot but im fine with being cute. not everyone can look good the same way#but like it's so common for the only compliment transmascs get being ''cute'' for various reasons but i think in my case it's just my#wavy hair and slight babyface and round features#which yeah ok whatever i'm still young - ive got plenty of time to start looking less like a boy and more like a man#as in even if i was a cis guy id look pretty much like this#though! im only 2 years on t so i cant wait what the future holds for how i'll look :3c#well almost 2 and a hlaf but yknow#also i have a slight. can i say this. ''tranny voice'' which. slay. but i was told i ''sound like a femboy'' which#once again super funny that ppl say that stuff bc they genuinely cant tell im trans#the only reason i pass is bc i get read as [justin mcelroy voice] kinda faggy#oh that guy over there with wide hips and feminine manners and voice and small feet and hands [compared to cis men] with an apparently cute#face who doesnt seem to know anything about stereotypical guy stuff? thats a cis man#and i love that#but also one of these ppl is not cis#if you saw me irl you'd know im insanely easy to clock for trans people#but yeah whatever im just amused by all this it's kind of fun having ppl not know im trans#but also i have a new friend who doesnt know and i think i should let him know at some point if it comes up bc idk man. it feels like im#living a secret life or something. like obviously no one has the right to know im trans but. i can make the choice of wanting someone toknow#but also hes my only guy friend who lives in this city. well technically not the only one i have another friend but we never hang out irl.#anyways i dont want to ruin our broship#i dont think itd get ruined and if it did itd just mean whatever but im still scared#agh idk#leevi talks
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On a scale from one to ten, how based of me is it that I took the GGST survey for the second time just to put a BlazBlue character that appeared in exactly one novel and then never again in one of my three "additional character I would like to see the most in the future" spots?
#ADD SEVEN TO THE GAME COWARDS#this is a maniac's wish and while i do laugh at myself for it i am also 100% serious about it. i'd love to see him in any game#or anything at all for that matter#i mean c'moooon we've done mages in fighting games already. you've put asuka in strive! what's a silly little witch man no one's ever heard#of?#just imagine... a witch guy with long flowy blonde hair and fluttery robes like asuka's who fights with water and ice magic and maybe a#sword also. now doesn't that just sound like a sight for sore eyes?#he could summon a WATER DRAGON as his cinematic super! can you fathom how cool that would look?!#if we're talking strictly in strive terms he'd probably play like a weird mix of zato asuka and ky#ky for the manner of sword usage (since we have sol nago baiken and JOHNNY as of recently)‚ zato for the feel of flowiness when it comes to#using his abilities (every move connects to the next‚ unlike with asuka who just keeps spawning geometrical bodies)#and asuka for resource management and overall aesthetic (though he could definitely be made so that you don't need an excel sheet to play#him properly arcsys please)#god i wish i had more time in my life I would absolutely learn how to mod guilty gear and mod him over asuka if i could#but if i strived to keep his original ''moveset'' (i say as if he's ever had one) blazblue would probably be the way to go since i've heard#from modders there that you could‚ hypothetically‚ mod an entire new character into the game (though it would obviously take a gargantuan#amount of work)#speaking of which‚ how in sam hell did they manage to mod sin into strive before he was even released???#logs
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This.
https://twitter.com/delaneykingrox/status/1090402436995473408
#my whole life i wished i was born a male#i could have started out so many things that i love way sooner#no one took me seriously when i was one of the 2% of females in a 98% male school#they literally didn't even have women's bathrooms there when i came#and many of the other women left after 1 year because they just couldn't handle it#being singled out and treated as either token 'eye candy' or just being treated in a really sexist manner#(this was a tech/electronics highschool for context)#online in most spaces i present as male#and it REALLY shows how people are openly sexist#for example i was in a random server for beginner artists because i thought art was cool and wanted to learn more about it#and the entire server was just openly saying that women artists aren't real artists and can only get a job in basic colouring or some shit#because 'women artists never want to improve'#and the entire server agreed with them (this was a larger public server)#made me never want to seek out any advice. ever.#or the time i got told by my networking teacher that i should have gone to cullinary school (never showed any interest in cooking#or talked about how i went there to 'easily find myself a boyfriend' (i don't date nor do i have the time for that.)#and im not even in the workplace yet#to any woman that managed to get through this and then has to deal with this at work at a daily basis#i applaud you#because in my case i am so fucking done with all of this shit and just going to study by myself without help instead or relying on schools#and institutions#my uni is also quite sexist#but luckily its not *as* bad (comp sci)#i did get screamed at by a man working at the school because i didn't announce myself because they thought that i was visiting someone#made me want to cry and throw up and never leave the house and ever go back there again#fun#fuuun..#(also for the 'i wish i was born male' thing well i am a very stereotypically feminine person that likes feminine things)#(aka not BE a male but BORN a male.)#but i fucked up even before i was born yey
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your fish has lost all her charm i think like almost two months ago now when i freaked out because something really weird may or may not have happened after i said something about her being abusive. and it pretty much became clear at this point too anyway that my consent means nothing to her or both of them i can't even remember what i had in my head exactly. if you want to know.
#it doesn't even really matter if it did i was in an awful state because of how they treated me and everything that was happening anyway#couldn't clean and didn't eat aside from generally feeling terrible and dissociating like hell most of the time as in#have some manners if you're okay with that#honestly you can stalk her yourself if you like if you did maybe you would've known how stupid rude she was to me literally from the start#for no reason and in response to me being literally just cute to her and wanting to talk normally if she wants or just be kinda left alone#instead of doing all this weird stuff#didn't bring the other person up once mind you#then the scam happened after i thought it won't hurt to apologize for being poly and pretty much accidentally starting something after >>#>> the other person called me evil i still barely even know why and ghosted me pretty explicitly for someone else on new year's#and fish was pretty much just being as hellish to me about this whole thing as everyone else#and just proceeded to live her own life away from this at some point#and then ✨suddenly✨ it turns out i was ✨hurting✨ her the whole time by not trusting her that much or not wanting to marry her i guess#and basically just ruin everything everywhere every time i breathe and should just accept them both being violent to me because of that#useless ass control freaks is what they both are at their best i'm afraid#and all this mess at their worst#no way in hell i'm doing anything at all with them ever and yes even if it means me dying :)#keep dreaming of your chaotic evil wholesomeness with this cult i guess#meow.#damn it even arguing with you fr feels different compared to everyone else literally ever#as in better somehow#like whatever whatever whatever idk⚡#they're also both like the definition of i'm a good person therefore everything i do is good#so that sucks#I FREAKING WISH I WAS JUST SEEING THINGS#would still be in love with them though atp idc they're fun#and stuff
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