#and in my opinion you also have to care about jordan but this is the absolutely mandatory one

[princesskuragina]

Btw ur not allowed to make a gatsby reimagining or adaptation if you don't care about daisy

[alyakthedorklord]

Omg literally it would be SO cool if you wrote the rest of the playboy bruce trying to kiss the justice league without them realizing it (I know you said figure it out but the way you wrote it was so good and funn I would love it if you gave maybe a couple of scenarios)

Lmao honestly executive dysfunction is kicking my ASS rn and it was intended as a prompt. I will try tho, definitely taking inspiration from the others who responded to the post because I love them.

If you haven’t, go check out the notes on the OG Post above! @britcision, @ivywing, and @help-i-need-a-cool-username all had amazing additions and @foursixtwonineoh-pieces-of-lego wrote a fic:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/48325771

As did @scrapcheck, still in progress

And Devilhorn!

Anyways LONG post under the cut

Hal Jordan

Hal is first to prove a POINT, as @britcision decided. Also because the bastard made it waaaay too easy. Remember- Hal was Joking. He genuinely thinks Batman isn’t going to try, because he’s way too straight-laced boring.

So when he’s at a bar in Coast City, and he sees this absolutely ravishing man lounging casually against the wall, bar lighting making him practically glow (he CALCULATED that) subtle makeup making his bright blue eyes pop as he looks Hal up and down… Well. Hal makes the first move.

Hal: “All on your own, handsome?”

Bruce, with “Mastermind” by Taylor Swift playing in his head, smiling sweetly at Hal: “Care to change that?”

They start talking. Hal doesn’t recognize Bruce Wayne at ALL (canonically he does not know who Bruce Wayne is, a point brought up by @help-i-need-a-cool-username) so all he knows is Bruce is a single father who works at a company he inherited from his parents, which is just (brucie voice) “so much less interesting than a test pilot!”

Bruce, grimacing internally but wrapped around Hal’s arm with the awed and interested eyes in full effect: “you have such a nice voice, tell me more about planes…”

He KNOWS what a fuselage is, thank you, Jordan. Whatever. He gets to gush about his kids, when its his turn to talk, good enough tradeoff. He can survive Hal Jordan’s bad pick up lines and pretend he’s into them. At a certain point Bruce breaks and kisses him just to shut him up. One down.

Diana Prince

I looked it up- kissing in Ancient Greece wasn’t always considered romantic, but also a greeting between two similarly-ranked people. Therefore, I think Diana would be pretty chill with kissing and honestly an easy target at a gala if Bruce plays respectful/clumsy/earnest himbo starstruck with the tall pretty woman, just a peck would make him the happiest man alive. But I wanna go a little more in depth.

Now, I’ve seen Flash and Martian Manhunter save Bruce and/or his kids and Bruce lays one on them, but honestly I think it would work well with Diana too, because she loves kids. Dick and/or Jason (whichever you want to imagine, I want them to team up screw canon) are WAY to excited for this, they’ve got a little script and everything.

WonderWoman, a kid in each arm, delivering them back to their tearful guardian: “Here we are, Mr. Wayne. Whole and healthy.”

Dick, playing into his role eagerly: “Oh my gosh, Bruce! Bruce we got saved by a princess! It’s like a fairytale! Except, you know, the princess is the hero this time, which is so freaking cool!”

Bruce, tears of gratitude rolling down his face (and he knows how to still look perfect while crying, its a skill): “I’m just glad the two of you are safe, Chum.”

Jason, big baby blues in full effect, absolutely asked Wonder Woman to be his mom earlier (to set groundwork, no other reason): “You know, usually the princess and the hero gets a kiss at the end of a fairytale, Bruce. But this princess is both. So how will she get a reward?”

Still choked up with relieved tears and now laughter, Bruce looks up at Diana and smiles: “Well, if the Princess wants a reward… then I would be a fool to refuse.”

Bruce kisses her on the lips, Dick and Jason both kiss her cheeks, Diana leaves charmed and amused by the sweet family. Such a good father, humoring his children and thier little fascination with her, so very respectful…

Two down.

J’ohn Jones

Okay, martians are telepathic. So this goes one of two ways, at some sort of charity or something-

Option 1, Batman is a realist: the charity event is a masquerade, and he wanders over to where MM is while thinking “it would be so funny, give me this.” As loudly as he can. And Martian Manhunter, who appreciates the audacity, gives him a kiss. (I don’t like this one because it technically breaks the rules of the bet, bc MM knows it’s Batman, but eh)

Option 2, Batman is a different breed: he manages to up the ante with his Himbo Persona. Creating a “slippery void” mental facade that blocks of his real thoughts and makes him read as really just that stupid. This would require functioning with two trains of thought at once, and making sure that the Martian can only read the surface level, “oh, this one is pretty” “I really wouldn’t mind kissing him” and other such decoy thoughts, instead of “target is approaching, signs of interest present despite this not being his natural form-“

Bruce also researches and copies Martian courting styles and copies them “by chance,” catching MM’s attention. (He offers him Oreos)

Martian Manhunter: “this man… he is so empty headed and yet clearly kind and willing. I would not take him for a life partner, but for some simple fun as he seems to desire…”

(Edit: Maybe, if B is confident enough, he lets through his loneliness. Missing his parents, wanting affection, an ache so strong it’s like a physical wound. J’onn feels the same ache for his lost family, and decides to try this human’s strategy to fill that void. Either way…)

Batman 3, League 0

Barry Allen

I’m strangely blank when it comes to the Flash let me just spitball and let it snowball

As I said above, people have had him save Bruce, had Bruce seduce him at his workplace while taking a tour, I even saw @help-i-need-a-cool-username have Dick set up a petition for Bruce to kiss the Flash. (An idea that I personally think would also go really well with Superman lmao.)

Anyways, I think it would be funny for Bruce to take it slow with Barry. For the irony of it all. Because Batman is doing this to prove a POINT. So he’s in central city, spots Barry coming his way, and “accidentally” slips right into his arms. Ooh, or covered in coffee, like a wealth disparity drama base script, and Barry’s like “omg i am so sorry let me pay you back.” And bruce is all “this shirt costs (stupid amount of money)”

Barry: (fear)

Bruce, rolling with it rn: “yes, it is horrendous, isn’t it? Hows this- I’m in central city for a day. You can pay me back by showing me around?”

He then proceeds to string barry along on an honest to god DATE for shits and giggles. They go clothes shopping, they go to restaurants, Bruce pays for a big meal bc this is after a fight or something and Barry got hurt, his speedster comrade needs to EAT, damnit.

After all this, he gives a cheeky smile and lightly smooches Barry. “Thanks for the fun day, Mr. Allen.”

Barry, bright red and goo brained: “hah- mmhmm. Yeah…”

Batman 4, League 0

Oliver Queen

This one… Oliver is on guard. He’s twitchy and suspicious, turning down men flirting with him, people are starting to notice. But Bruce? Bruce just walks up at a party while “tipsy” and lays one on him. Straight up. He wants to show just how EASY it is. Because Oliver doesn't even register it. He just laughs and goes: “Hey Brucie! Miss me?”

Batman 5, League 0

Dinah Lance

Of course, immediately after above, he turns and pouts at canary.

Bruce: “Dinah darling, you are a saint, I don’t know how you put up with the mess he’s got on his face. He was so much nicer to kiss when we were in (fancy private school name drop) together and didn’t have all this nonsense.”

Dinah, laughing at Ollie’s offended noises: “Oh, I don’t mind it. He’s a good kisser.”

Bruce: “Of course he is, I taught him. Care to compare?”

Dinah: “Don’t mind if I do.”

Batman 6, league 0

Clark Kent

For Clark, Bruce is originally talking to Lois before he turns his eyes on a quiet Clark and croons: “So, Miss Lane, does this lovely specimen have his own questions, or is he arm candy? And if he’s the latter, can I either tempt him off you, or secure an invitation?”

Lois, an excellent friend who will absolutely set Clark up with the hottest bachelor in Gotham: “Well, Mister Wayne, I’ve got all I need. Clark, take a page from my book and honeytrap a good quote out of him, hm?”

With an obnoxious wink, she pats a spluttering Clark on the shoulder, and leaves him with a very smug Batman.

(Bonus Superbat- Clark and Bruce’s conversation is going REALLY WELL and to the point where both of them seem on board with more than a heavy makeout when Bruce puts a hand on Clarks chest.

Bruce: “Stop.”

Clark, freezing immediately: “I’m sorry, did I go too far-?”

Bruce: “No, no. I think I might be though. See, I have all of you now, and I’ve won the bet.”

Clark: “What are you- oh. Oh- HUH?”

Cue sudden and shocked revelation, Clark’s mind going a hundred miles an hour, and then skidding to a stop on- he only did this for the bet. He’s not really interested. He stopped because I went too far-

Bruce: “You only consented to a kiss without knowing my identity. Right now, I’d like to do more, if you’d let me.”

Clark has the dial-up tone ringing in his ears, he has no idea whats going on anymore, the hot billionaire and his reclusive teammate aren’t quite slotting into place, because he wants both but rhey’re so different but they’re the same but-

“Yes.”

Lois doesn’t get Clark back that night and she is delighted.)

Anyways, final results:

Batman: 7

League: 0

Reveal:

Batman talking shit about their secret identities again, Green Lantern is scoffing about it again, says something along the lines of: “You still think you’re sooooo great, huh? Hows the bet going, spooky?” Fully expecting Batman to get huffy with him.

Instead, Batman smirks.

He leans in

And purrs: “So you didn’t notice?”

The League freezes. The implications are dangling over their head. Did he… did he really?

Green Lantern, absolutely terrified: “No. no, there’s no way…”

Batman: “Oh, there absolutely was a way. I’d say you were a good kisser, but honestly? I think it might have been the euphoria of getting you to shut up.”

He turns on the rest of the league, still smirking. “I have kissed every single person who consented at least once in the time since the bet was made. Two of you with tongue. And no one has called me out on it. Now that you know it’s happened, you should be able to figure me out, so whoever can tell me my real name first, wont get thier story used as an example in the brand new “how to avoid honeypots” seminar.”

(If bonus superbat, B shoots Superman a Look and goes “except for you, superman, because I told you my name.” Which just ends up distracting everyone else until they get THAT story)

Diana wins bc she matched up the boys to the robins. Everyone else gets their stories told in excruciating detail. Batman rates them by kissing ability and how obvious he was on his approach. Oliver gets docked points for “texture.” Dinah gets docked points because “i griped about the exact same thing in and out of costume, how did you not notice-“

(Different reveal below)

@chaos-n-kindness @she-went-that-way @geekonaleash @redh00dsbf @howabouticallyou

[luvjunie]

Hey sweetie, I’ve been a real big fan. Can you write some HCS or a fic about the both Miles being twins?

a/n: ABSOLUTELY 10000% YES. i had way too much fun with this oml. and omg thank you you’re so sweet! 😭 btw, let’s just pretend that in this au they don’t have the same name since they’re ‘twins’ lmao

— headcanons. miles and miles as twins

Twins? Yes. Polar opposites? Definitely.

They both have a completely different sense of style, but one thing they have in common is that they both love Jordan’s. However I feel like miles!42 is a full blown sneakerhead. Has the better collection and often finds miles!1610 wearing his shoes, because somehow 42 always manages to win the snkrs raffles.

“Are those my brand new fuckin’ 4s?” “Uh… no?” “Take my shit off before I tweak out.”

42 keeps his side of the room squeaky clean, gets upset if there’s even a sock that does not belong to him on his side

Absolutely hates the song Sunflower. Cannot stand it, makes him wanna rip his hair out. The minute it came out 1610 played it into the dirt and 42 swears he can still hear it in his dreams till this day

1610 is the more affectionate one (outwardly) while 42 likes to pretend he’s completely devoid of that as if he doesn’t love his brother with everything in him.

“You got exactly three seconds to get off me.” “Just hug me back, damn!”

They’re the kind of brothers to open soundcloud, turn on a random trap beat and see who can go the longest freestyling. They do that thing where guys bring their fist to their mouths and squeal and shove each other out of excitement when they get a good flow going back and forth

42 is definitely the athletic type, plays football and soccer. 1610 is more in tune with his artistic side. Will play sports for fun but doesn’t care for them like that

42 is introverted as hell, doesn’t really like talking to people. 1610 is more of a social butterfly

They’ve never once liked the same girl. Ever. Their taste is drastically different

“Bro, you like a white girl?” “…Yes? What does her race have to do with anything?” “See me personally—“. “Literally nobody fucking asked.”

Used to help each other break out of their cribs when they were babies. Either that or Jeff and Rio would wake up to find that 42 had climbed into 1610’s crib after they’d been put down and slept with him instead. it was impossible to keep them apart from each other, so eventually they just broke down the second crib and let them use the one.

You can tell who is who in their baby pictures. You guessed it, 42 was the oddly solemn one who always wanted to play by himself. They worried about him for a bit. They also had to tickle him as an attempt to get him to smile in pictures, and just their luck, he’s never been ticklish

When they were eight years old, 1610 accidentally broke the wolverine action figure 42 never went anywhere without, and 42 cried about it for three days straight

They definitely ask for each other’s opinions on their outfits

“Do you think this shirt goes with these pants?” “The entire outfit is black… how would it not go together?”

They both obviously love their mother but 42 is the biggest mama’s boy. Always in the kitchen helping her cook, will watch her telenovelas with her and actually keep up with the plot. He’ll willingly follow her to the grocery store or accompany her on her ridiculously long Ross/Tjmaxx sprees because he likes hanging out with her

They terrorize the fuck outta their dad and have been doing so since they entered this world because they think it’s funny. Stupid shit like dying his boxers pink, or looking up a cracked tv screen video on youtube just to watch him nearly have a heart attack thinking they broke it. They used to twin-swap when they were younger to get out of certain things, but it’s 100% impossible to pull off now. They’re way too different, physically and mentally

Uncle Aaron took 42 to get his ears pierced when he was thirteen, something 1610 would never do. Rio basically had an aneurysm when he came home with them in and Jeff was not pleased but Aaron took the blame for it, said it was his idea. 42 made up some bullshit lie about how if he takes them out before they heal completely they’ll get infected. Still has them in till this day

42 is exactly fourteen minutes older and refuses to let 1610 hear the end of it, but 1610 is taller by an inch and weighs a little more.

“I don’t know why you’re talking shit like I’m not older than you. Pipe down lil’ bro.” “Sorry, is someone talking to me right now? Cause I sure as hell can’t see ‘em.” “Nigga it’s ONE INCH”

They’re definitely scrapping over that, and both get smacked upside their heads by Mama Rio for fighting with each other

42 needs the tv and the fan on, SIMULTANEOUSLY when he sleeps or he’ll be up the entire night. 1610 can’t stand it

1610 will try and turn the fan off after his brother’s been asleep for probably two hours, thinking he’s in the clear until he hears—

“Do you value your life? Turn my damn fan back on.”

Deep down 42 is a big ass softie and loves spending time with 1610, he has no idea what he’d do without him. He’s just not the best at expressing it. 1610 teases him about it simply because he enjoys aggravating his other half

“You still got plans with Ganke tonight?” “Nah, his mom’s dragging him to some baby shower.” “Oh, cool, cool… So what movie are we watching?” “Huh?” “Huh—Headass. What movie are we watching tonight?” “Sorry, I’m not understanding. Are you—asking to spend time… with me?” “Damn, I need to say it in Spanish? Matter fact, you probably won’t understand that either. No sabo ass.”

[harmslength]

(Mostly) NSFW Headcanons - Part II

Disclaimer: Slight spoilers ahead so be warned. Just covering movies I have seen before or know a decent amount about the character. Overall, just my own personal opinions. This is just for shits and giggles so feel free to disagree. I’m also very aware that I’m being a hater rn.

Red Eye (2005) | Wes Craven - Jackson Rippner

• FREAKY ASS DUDE

• probably would learn everything about you before asking you out

• mean asf, like definitely the type to pick on you and call you a cry baby

• loves, loves, loves roleplay, specifically: CNC (Burglar x Sleeping Victim)

• big on humiliating you, probably the type to hold your head down while giving head. Likes his balls being sucked..

• feral mf, loves to use his teeth (ankle biter energy) and eats pussy like a champ [insert slurping noises]

Perriers Bounty (2009) | Ian Fitzgibbon - Michael McCrea

• top contender for best in bed

• grimey little dude.. but hey, bums know how to lay pipe like it’s their god given purpose

• not attached to any particular fetish or kink just very experimental and kinky

• 3 words: tongue in ass. There I said it. Specifically from the back, he will stick his tongue in places god hasn’t even seen.

Broken (2012) | Rufus Norris - Mike Kiernan

• spontaneous and sensual. Probably an exhibitionist lowkey

• can be a bit selfish at times, but definitely makes it a priority to make you cum.

• could definitely see him having a thing for stockings or thigh highs

Inception (2010) | Christopher Nolan - Robert Fischer

• if a boy was a princess it would be him

• DADDY ISSUES

• all bark no bite, he’s a bottom if I’ve ever seen one. Loves being told what to do and how to take it

• big fan of praise and humiliation

• will dom at times but definitely is not his preference

Watched the Detectives (2007) | Paul Soter - Neil Lewis

• Puppy

• horny teenager vibes, probably would fuck you in his office while your bent over his desk

• loves roleplay but in the vanilla way like: cop x criminal, stepsiblings 🤭, strangers, Bonny and Clyde. Just overall loves recreating cheesy pornos.

• loves when you’re all natural down there

• definitely likes to think he’s the one in charge but you would absolutely wear the pants in the relationship

• whiny asf, likes to whimper and pout. Big on theatrics.

Breakfast on Pluto (2005) | Neil Jordan - Patricia Kitten Braden

• the queen herself 👸

• another top contender for best sexual partner

• pillow princess, loves to be taken care of but will absolutely do the same for you. Definitely giving switch vibes

• super tender and sensual, could definitely see a friends to lovers trope here

• LOVES to tease and loves sexual tension. Wandering hands and subtle glances kind of shit

Sunshine (2007) | Danny Boyle - Robert Capa

• needy little freak but in a subtle way

• you would probably have to make the first move

• would probably zone out during sex ngl

• classic fan of gripping hips and neck kisses, relatively vanilla but open to exploring

• nonchalant lover but good bf overall

The Dark Knight Rises (2012) | Christopher Nolan - Jonathan Crane

• say it with me now— Mommy Issues

• don’t be afraid to join in— daddy issues

• probably grew up with his grandma or two loving parents that he despises deeply

• sick little gremlin, probably into sounding or golden showers

• two words: doggy style 😎

• he’s a switch, but mostly doms because he gets off on the thought that he’s better than you

• big on quickies, hump and dump kind of dude. Casual sex, but not super big on multiple partners

• so repulsed by the thought of sex that either the utter crippling shame of it turns him on so much that he acts like a deranged animal

• or is so repulsed that it hinders him and only does it when absolutely necessary

28 Days Later (2002) | Danny Boyle - Jim

• Jim, Jim, Jim — I love him with my whole heart and my whole pussy

• hear me out.. probably the best sex out of everyone HEAR ME OUT

• this man is DEVOTED okay!! Bro would take out an army base of 20 men just to get a lick of pussy (more so, a gentle sensual kiss, shared between two troubled lovers)

• you know he’ll eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Probably would bring his own bib and cutlery js 🙄

• not overly kinky, in fact probably a bit inexperienced, but satisfaction is guaranteed.

[cdragons]

Hey! I miss interacting with u, hope you are doing well :)

What is the song that will most describe farleighs and y/ns friendship?

Hey! This is really sweet, anon! THank you! I'm doing great, I have a ton of exams and projects with school that are kind of kicking my butt rn, but today's my birthday so I am excited to share that with my family!

This is a really tough one, mostly because I never expected this friendship to be so popular with everyone. Although I shouldn't be surprised because Farleigh Start was actually so superior in the movie.

Personally, I think these songs really fit them

Gimme More by Brittany Spears

Bad Girls by M.I.A

That's My Girl by Fifth Harmony (also works for Annabel and Y/N)

So What by P!nk

Is You or Is You Ain't My Baby by Louis Jordan and His Tympany Five (look up Marvelous Mrs. Maisel with this song and TELL me that this won't be the most amazing duet with the pair)

Let me know in the comments of your opnions!

I feel like this is a good opportunity to give off some headcanons to describe the vibes I get from Fareligh and Y/n! There are also just my personal headcanons of Farleigh and his story in my AU! I made up these with the help of my internet soulmate @ethereal-athalia!

Here are some headcanons of my personal take of Farleigh's backstory in my AU and in general:

Is it weird if I can see Fareligh coming from New Orleans, Louisiana? Because I can absolutely see him giving off those vibes. He would fit PERFECTLY as a New Yorker, but I can't help but feel he would thrive in the Crescent City.

Farleigh really misses the States, and a big part of the reason he parties so much is to forget how homesick he is. I find it very odd that we are given this extremely intelligent character who would no doubt thrive in an Ivy League like Yale, Harvard, or Brown, but he's stuck in England. James definitely could have just paid for his education there, so why send him to England? Furthermore, why does James cover him up so much? Is it really just because he's family?

Remember when Felix told Oliver that Farleigh got kicked out of every school in England bc he "sucked the teachers off"? First off, ew. Secondly, sure, Farleigh is a bit of a hedonist, but all of his behavior just kind of screams to me that he's really and genuinely unhappy in England and wants to go back. That might be a reason why he was so reluctant for Felix to get close to Y/N since Chapter 1 of 'Fuck Everything.'

Furthermore, it really bothers me how nonchalant Felix is about telling Oliver that piece of information. Even if he knows that Farleigh wouldn't really care, that is still very private information about a young boy who was taken advantage of by teachers who were in a position that allowed them to abuse their power.

Also, for a film that exposes so much about its characters, we really don't know a lot about Farleigh Start and his story, specifically his family in the States.

The part where Farleigh's mom is terrible with money and constantly needs handouts from her brother, James, is very realistic - that part, I believe. But I feel like there is a lot missing with his dad.

Was his dad actually as brutish and abusive as Felix said to Oliver? Personally, I don't really see it. Even at first glance, the way Farleigh carries himself is leagues different from the rest of the Cattons. He's observant and takes in details. He uses all this information as a weapon for any opponent he goes up against.

In my opinion, I could absolutely see Farleigh's dad being a completely normal and decent person with a job as a librarian or English professor. This idea is mostly stemmed from when Fareligh made the 'thus' argument against Oliver's essay at the beginning of the movie, and this seems like something Farleigh knows as if being explained about it from a very early age.

The reason I think his father is ill-portrayed is because I feel like Farleigh's mother met him while she was in America and was intrigued by his unassuming self and married him. But then she got bored because she wasn't living the high and expensive life she was living in England with her family.

Eventually, she got bored and decided to use Farleigh as an excuse to get money from James. Farleigh's dad might have wanted custody of his son but was threatened by his ex-wife that he would never see his son again.

Farleigh is aware of his mother's toxic tendencies, but she's his mother and he loves her anyway. He know she's leeching off of him to get to her brother. But what are his other options? Let her fend for herself?

This is probably so far-fetched and a huge reach, but the Cattons are portrayed as people who love to feed off their own sense of entitlement over others by showing of 'generous' and 'charitable' they are to take of other people. When anything bad happens to them, they wear it like a trophy. Maybe that's what happened with Farleigh?

NOW! Onto Farleigh and Reader (also ft. Michael Gavey bc he's bb):

Being around Y/N is like being at home for the first time in forever (cue Frozen song) for Farleigh. When they start talking, Y/N is extremely skeptical of his intentions because she thinks that he's just trying to help out Felix. But nope! He just wants a genuine friend.

Y/N makes it clear to Farleigh from the beginning that if he wants to be friends with her, he needs to be friends with Michael. Michael Gavey and Y/N L/N are a package deal. You want one? You get the other.

Farleigh keeps his friendship with Reader a secret from Felix and is helped by Annabel (our girl got a taste of true kindness, sees Felix Catton for the leech he is, and is now part of the Y/N protection club)

With Y/N, he doesn't feel the need to party or drink until he gets alcohol poisoning to have a good time. He learns to have quiet nights doing homework or playing stupid board games with made-up rules.

Michael and Y/N introduce him to DnD, and he's the classic Bard player who rolls for charisma and ends up f*cking his party out of danger every time. Michael is a paladin, and Y/N is a monk, in case you were wondering.

Y/N sometimes uses Farleigh to model for some of her portraits. She learns to appreciate him because she and Michael do need to be reminded sometimes that it's okay to cut loose at times and that spreading their wings won't kill them.

Y/N and Farleigh definitely geek out over art history and literature (symbolism, plot holes, motifs, etc.) and are BIG soul and blues fans. When they all hang out in Y/N's dorm, they will be listening to James Brown, Ella Fitzgerald, and Ray Charles till dawn.

Y/N is someone whom Farleigh can have actual mind-stimulating conversations with in a manner that's respectful but also wildly entertaining. They will discuss everything from rousing debates about politics and current events to philosophical queries about the omegaverse and mpreg.

Michael pretended he wasn't a fan until they caught him singing along to 'Hit the Road Jack' and they never let him forget it.

Also, Farleigh is a MAJOR Michael Gavey x Y/N fan. He wants them to get together SO BADLY! But he won't do this in a productive/uncomplicated way. Nonononono, he plans to make the most convoluted, dramatic, and needlessly complicated schemes to get these two nerds together for his own amusement. *Nudge* *Nudge* *Wink* *Wink*

Real talk though, Fareligh genuinely loves Y/N and her presence as a friend. He has all these expectations placed on him and fake friends who only want to be around him for his cousins. To be around someone who not only misses home like him but also truly appreciates him as an individual and not as a commodity for networking means the world to him.

If Y/N ever does go to Saltburn for the summer (*foreshadowing*), Farleigh will do everything in his power to make sure she won't get sucked into his relatives' fake and shallow schemes.

Also, as a bonus, he loves ranting and trash-talking Oliver with Y/N and Michael. It's like free therapy with better snacks because Michael always brings candy.

These are all the ones I can think of for now, but let me more in the comments or in my ask box if you want more! It really means so much that you guys love this AU so much!

Let me know if you want to be tagged in the comments for future Saltburn AU stuff!

"Fuck Everything, But Mostly Fuck You" Masterlist

Tagging: @ethereal-athalia, @arcielee, @valeskafics, @asa-do-your-thing, @aphroditesmoon, @axelsagewrites, @the1999kid, @poolnoodlerescuer, @aemondsbabe, @@winterblu2, @abaker74, @whereismymindnow, @agustdeeyaa, @iamavailablesstuff, @bonnieblue0606, @st-eve-barnes, @@nyxthoughtss, @immyowndefender, @@ilovemydinoboi, @ahristata, @cxp1d, @jinsoulorbitzen12, @temptation-waits, @bollzinurmouth, @jcngw0ns, @seababehh, @destinydestnation, @lankyboi4, @mindless-rock, @cassavacake, @paradisepoison, @@pansexualpamandabear, @erikasurfer, @@lissamans, @cookielovesbook-akie, @thesmutconnoisseur, @izzyisstuff, @lariisouz, @mioshasworld, @themorriganisamonster, @bre99, @babypinkditto

[a-sparrows-melody]

The Mortal Instruments - Cassandra Clare

DISCLAIMER: These are my opinions. I do not mean harm - neither to the creator of this wonderful series, nor to the fandom and any of its followers. If you do not agree with my opinion, please do not engage merely to fight with me (I don't like it).

The Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare is a mixed bag of brilliance and flaws, particularly when revisited with a more critical eye.

I'd started reading this during a reading slump, so the books seemed absolutely perfect - filled with fast-paced action, vivid world-building, and a character-driven plot that never felt dull. The relatable flaws of the characters, especially Clary's ideals and Jace's identity crisis arc, made them endearing (at least in the first four books).

The first three books stood out, reflecting Clare’s meticulous research and captivating writing style, which skillfully incorporated advanced vocabulary. These elements created a strong and powerful narrative that resonated deeply, making the books a joy to read (especially during a reading slump, when you want nothing serious).

Simon's character was sort of relatable as well, and Magnus and Alec's relationship was really sweet. Isabelle was fairly fine as a character (mind you, I'm only talking about the first three books) - so no qualms for any of them (they were written as well as they could have been written).

However, the series' latter half falters. The fourth book was fine, merely as a check-in on beloved characters, but by the fifth and sixth installments, the story had fallen apart. The writing style had lost it's grip on me.

Clary's transformation into a Mary Sue (reminiscent of Bella from Twilight), was particularly disappointing. Her character became obsessed with Jace, reducing her personality to just her relationship with him (you know those high-school couples that make dating their entire personality?). Additionally, Clare’s portrayal of Clary’s victim complex was frustrating; in every battle, Clary does so little yet ends up needing the most care - which felt unrealistic and annoying.

Sebastian was just straight-up psychopathic (which was great - I love psychopathic antagonists) but he should have remained dead, in my opinion. The Lilith plot-line was just an unnecessary appendage.

A significant shortcoming of the series is its superficial treatment of human emotions. Despite being a character-driven story, the emotional depth of characters like Clary and Jace is often glossed over. Their traumas are mentioned but never fully explored, making their reactions feel shallow and disconnected from their experiences. For instance, the death of Jordan Kyle, a close friend, is barely acknowledged, with the characters quickly moving on without much reflection or grief (literally they're like: oh, that's sad. Hey, those are funny, undersized pajamas!).

The series also became repetitive, with a recurring plot cycle involving Jace getting possessed -> shutting down/running away -> Clary attempting to "save" him (read: putting more people in danger).

This redundancy, coupled with the lack of emotional realism, made the latter books feel like a letdown. Ultimately, the series should have ended after the first three books - which delivered a powerful message about a neglectful government and a flawed revolution. The decision to extend the series only diluted its impact, turning it into a disappointing follow-up to an initially strong start.

Yeah, I don't think I'll read the rest of the Shadowhunters mega-series

-X-

Trying books reviews for the first time! Yay! Any thoughts?

[samglyph]

hi hello your arkayne blackboxwarrior artwork is astounding, love love love it. may I ask your thoughts on laplace's angel and arkayne? (particularly the in case I die version)

So in 2022 I posted my malevolent playlist with some lyric choices of why things were there and uh. Well

Now I also have a kayne specific playlist and this song is on there, though I will admit it’s the original mostly for the piano. Had to go listen to the live version again for this ask (never a chore in case I die my best friend) but anyway thanks for activating my trap card (letting me talk about how Will Wood songs are about malevolent actually)

So right off the bat, this song (if I were to make an animatic) is from Kayne’s perspective. Or atleast, he’s the main voice. Two lines that immediately make me think of him “everyone’s just blood in an ice tray” and “but with my head up in the clouds I can see so much ground and from up here you all look like ants in a row.” Classic Kayne and his feelings towards human life- BUT! This song is a conversation! The singer is speaking to someone, imploring them to see things their way. And the singer also obviously cares about the listeners opinion, though we don’t know why. From an Arkayne lense, this is intermezzo. While the line “we’ve all got evidence of innocence, it’s “everything’s coincidence” the difference twixt fate and free will is whether you’re singing” initially reminded me of episode 20 and their “choices” conversation, with the added context of how Kayne is forcing the strings to find the ‘best’ Arthur after creating the ‘best’ version of himself, the conversation around fate and free will becomes much more potent. Similarly, in intermezzo, Kayne desperately wants Arthur to understand him and his world view. He becomes increasingly frustrated when Arthur fails to measure up to his understanding. In the end though. Kayne doesn’t care if Arthur thinks he’s bad (“oh whatever you think of me”) he just wants Arthur to understand, and to do what he says.

Now, in the real world I interpret this song to be more a plea to understand that in certain circumstances people can feel forced to do terrible things, and judging them/pretending you don’t have your own faults can be a slippery slope considering if you were in that same situation, you would inevitably also make those choices (at the start of the live version will says “this song is called god save Jordan Peterson” which I assume is in reference to peterson’s utter disdain and lack of sympathy for people who struggle in their day to day lives with things like mental health, as well as other factors of petersons shitty belief system) while this in and of itself isn’t really malevolent, I do think there’s something to be said of Arthur’s struggle to cling to the idea that he is a good person, and Kayne’s encouragement to do whatever it takes. “It doesn’t take a killer to murder, it only takes a reason to kill” is very malevolent and Arthur’s little kill count.

Also in the live version I think Will sounds a little bit more sultry but it might just be the acoustics.

[neptune-knows]

school LI yan headcanons <3

focusing on m! whitney, sydney, and robin specifically -- also by no means exhaustive just some stuff off the top of my head feel free to share yours as well id love to hear them!!!

WHITNEY

#1 most likely to straight up kill someone for looking at you funny (or at all tbqh)

always marking you in one way or another, whether biting you or leaving hickeys or cumming inside you whenever you do it

not much changes from how he is in game to be honest, still wanting to tattoo you to show his property, or making you wear a collar with his name on it

when its just the two of you, he shows his soft side a lot more frequently

his hands pretty much never leave your person. hes always playing with your hair, holding your hand, groping your chest, playing with your genitals

his cute little stress ball <3

really really likes seeing you wear his clothes because its another way to show that your his

also loves seeing you in his bed, even non sexually (shocking, i know) because you are surrounded by his scent

i saw someone say it before and they were 100% right he has a scent kink and he will mark you with his scent if its the last thing he does

you get messed with a LOT less because word travels fast about the rabid dog that attacks anyone who looks at you funny

scary boyfriend privileges? scary boyfriend privileges.

gets conflicted because he loves fucking you in public and showing everyone that your his slut, he also wants to gauge the eyes out of anyone who sees you naked

SYDNEY

you are his everything, his love, his angel

devotion levels that border on worship

sydney will do whatever he can to prevent you from being tainted by the sinners of this town

i think he'd spread rumors about people who get to close to you, and do everything he could to ruin their reputations by abusing his positions at the school and temple

someone bullying you in the halls? it would be a shame if the teachers heard about their delinquency (which may or may not be exaggerated)

he overhears a classmate talk about a crush they have on you? sydney "accidently" mentions all the nasty things he overheard that person say while renewing their friend's books at the library

sydney sees an initiate getting a little too close to you at the temple? he might bring up his concerns about their purity and dedication to the faith to jordan the next time he sees them

only god can save anyone that messes with you at the temple when he's also there

"Belief won't matter, because I'll attack you for real."

he's also very aware of how kylar feels about you, even if he doesn't tell you he does

loves to rub it in and kiss you in front of him

showing kylar who you actually belong to

this is probably an unpopular opinion, but i think hes also not above resorting to violence when it comes to the people around you

definitely not on the level that whitney is willing to go to, and also not as obvious about it, but is more than willing to hurt anyone that touches you

seriously, the library rescue scene? when someone tries to harass you at the church? sydney is by no means passive about his devotion to protecting you

ROBIN

probably the most covert his yandere tendencies

your cute childhood friend who wants nothing but the best for you

he's so so sweet about it, he's just looking out for you, after all!!!

robin is very patient and willing to play the long game because he knows that you will always come back to him at the end of things

to him, its the two of you against the entire world

also sabotaging your relationships and happiness outside of him behind the scenes

always offering a shoulder to cry on when you get ghosted "out of nowhere" or when your school project vanishes mysteriously and you fail because of it

robin hates seeing you upset, but you shouldnt be getting joy from anything but him

he is also not above hurting himself so that you will take care of him and thus stay with him

on cloud nine when you dote on him and take care of his wounds

adding on to that, wants to take care of you more than anything else

his dream is one day being able to make enough to support the both of you so you can stay inside all day and be safe from the outside world <3

robin loves to do stuff for you, loves cooking and making you treats

he definitely isn't putting his bodily fluids into any of it!!!

... okay, maybe in some of it...

most of it

also steals your (dirty and clean) laundry like kylar

whoops!! he mustve gotten your laundry messed up!! sorry!! it will happen again

i might make a part 2 with either more hcs of these guys or of the other love interests if you guys liked this one <3

[jerzwriter]

The way I screamed when I saw this commission! The artwork is by the simply lovely, delightful & talented @rosefuckinggenius. If you have never commissioned her, you should! Rose, you're the absolute best, my dear! Thank you for bringing my babies to life this holiday season!

All is Merry & Bright

Book: Open Heart (Post Series) Pairing: Tobias Carrick x F!MC (Casey Carrick) Other Characters: Bryce Lahela, Vivian Carrick (F!OC), Jordan Carrick (M!OC) Words/Rating: 1,200 / Teen Summary: It's their second Christmas with little Samantha, and the Carricks are getting ready to take their Christmas card photo. As Uncle Jordan sets up the perfect shot, Grandma Vivian and Bryce provide the commentary. A/N: In my timeline, this would be taking place during the Christmas 2024 season.

With their coffee orders securely in hand, Tobias stepped into the vestibule of his townhome, careful to make sure ‘Hurricane Samantha’ wasn’t underfoot. A year ago, he and Casey wondered what it would be like when she began to walk and talk; now they knew it only added to the joyful chaos they had come to know and love. It was as familiar as the warm vanilla cinnamon scent that had filled the air ever since Casey moved in and as welcoming as his wife’s loving embrace or his daughter’s smile at the end of the day.

He smiled as he placed the snowflake bedecked cups on their dining room table. The last four years of his life bore no resemblance to the thirty-six that had preceded it, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

He was pulled from his thoughts when he heard his brother's desperate pleas from the next room. He was doing his best to keep Samantha occupied, but she was quicker than he thought, and the bowl of red, silver, and green-wrapped Hershey kisses was too tempting. As the toddler's tiny hand reached up to grab the bowl, Jordan started to unravel.

“No, Sammy! No! I know Mommy and Daddy don't want you on a sugar high while before taking your Christmas pictures!”

But Samantha was undeterred.  “Yum-YUMS!” She yelled. The bowl was about to topple on her just as Tobias lifted her from behind, placing her high atop his shoulders in one swoop.

“Uncle Jordan’s right, pumpkin. Let’s save the sugaring up for after, OK?”

“Wow!” Jordan was astonished. “You said I was right!”

Tobias shot his brother a smirk. “Yeah, well, even a broken clock is right twice a day! Where is Casey, anyway.”

“Upstairs, finishing her makeup.”

“Still?”

“She was all done,” Jordan shrugged. “But then Ma had... opinions... so she's upstairs touching up.”

“Oh, shit!” Tobias laughed. “Then we’re safer down here with this little firecracker.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

But Casey and Vivian were descending the stairs at that very moment, and Mrs. Carrick was all happy to interrupt her sons.

“Hate to disappoint you, boys. But we smelled that delicious coffee the moment you came in. There’s no keeping us away.”

“Gam-mah!” Samanta squirmed excitedly, throwing her arms her grandmother's way, and that's how Vivian instantly forgot about her coffee.

“Oh, come here, my little angel!" She cooed, retrieving her from Tobias's arms. "That’s right! Tell Daddy that Grandma’s here. His services are no longer needed!”

“Really?” Tobias sneered. “Because with all your complaints of wanting another grandchild, I think my services are most certainly needed.”

Bryce dropped his coffee cup to the table with a thud. His eyes rose to the ceiling as he let out a sigh. “I don't know if putting up with you two is worth the free coffee.”

“Maybe not,” Tobias said, pointing to a few bags on the table. “But there are also cookies from Parziale’s, and I’m ordering in Chinese after the photo. Would that make it worthwhile?” Bryce may have answered if he weren't too rushing for the cookies.

Tobias let out a slow whistle as he walked toward Casey, making a show of looking her over as he did.

“No mistletoe needed here!" Casey laughed. "You can just kiss me."

Tobias studied Casey's face, then kissed her forehead. “Not bad! Not bad at all!”

“Jordan told Vivian he didn't like it,” Casey smiled. “He wanted something a little edgier. That a little punk edge four our family Christmas portrait would go a long way.”

“And I made it clear that my foot would go a long way...” Vivian interjected. “A long way up his ass if he thought I would allow that to happen.”

“ASS!” Samantha hollered, and everyone but Vivian broke into a fit of laughter.

“See what you make me do!” Vivian scolded as she whisked Sammy into the living room. “Making me say bad words in front of my grandbaby.”

“There is a swear jar in the kitchen," Bryce noted.

“Yeah," Casey added. "Between all of us, her college education will be funded before she turns two.”

“Amen to that,” Tobias laughed.

“All right, guys, as fun as this is, do you think we can start taking the pictures?” Jordan requested. “I do have a date tonight.”

“Oh, do you?” Casey teased.

“Yep,” Jordan grinned, playfully smacking his brother. “Someone’s gotta keep the Carrick rep going since this one has gone all domestic.”

“That’s not our rep!” Vivian shouted. “You’re not getting any younger either, Jordan! Who is this person? Do I know them?"

"I think I know him," Casey winked. "Make it quick; Vivian is itching to plan another wedding!"

“Oh! Trust!” Tobias laughed heartily. “Trust! She is!”  

“All fun aside," Casey segued. " We should start the photos before it gets too close to Sammy’s naptime.”

“Yeah, we want to do it before my naptime, too,” Bryce added.

“You’re not in the photo,” Tobias reminded. “You can go nap now if you want."

“You know, I’m still insulted by that," Bryce complained. "Why am I not in the family photo?”

“Because you’re not their stepson, no matter how much you may act like it," Vivian advised. "Now, if you want a family portrait, I suggest you get mar...”

“Annnnd on that note, it's photo time!" Jordan grinned.

“Sammy, come here, baby,” Casey beamed as her giggling little toddler wobbled over to her. “Let Mommy fix your sweater so we are all pretty for our picture!”

“I’ll admit,” Vivian observed. “Those sweaters wouldn't have been my first pick, but they're definitely you two! They will make an adorable family Christmas card.”

Casey stopped what she was doing, exhaling as she snuggled under her husband’s arm. “Family Christmas card... our second already. Can you believe it?”

“Oh, do I hear disappointment there?” Tobias teased.

“Not even a little. But sometimes, I’m still astonished. How did we end up here?”

“Do I really have to explain how this came to be, Mrs. Carrick,” Tobias winked. "See, when a man and a woman fall in love, sometimes, they do this thing together...."

“OK, No!" Jordan insisted. “I don’t need to hear about how Sammy was conceived.”

“No, we don’t,” Vivian agreed. “But I do need you two to keep at it - in private! Because I sure would love a second grandbaby on next year’s card.”

“I think that’s her way of offering to babysit for us tonight,” Casey winked. 

Tobias pulled his wife and Sammy closer. “Then, that's our queue! Come on, let's get this picture over with."

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

@choicesholidays It fits a few, but let's go with ... it's a tradition. .

Tagging the rest separately.

[heartsofminds]

at least i let the light in (i).

"No one was more responsible than Bradley. No one was more reasonable than Bradley. No one was more mature than Bradley. No one else had life figured out the best they could like Bradley had. . . But no one knew how deeply sad Bradley actually was." or Bradley is on a downward spiral and Natasha doesn't know how much more she can take or the unofficial sequel to 'cause no one breaks my heart like you.

A/N: well guys, here we are! months after publishing 'cause no one breaks my heart like you, i decided to write my ass off and truly deep dive to the bottom of bradley's heart the best i knew how. while I'm not an expert and don't know everything, i am super proud of the work I've done and cannot wait to share more of it in the weeks to come. so for now, enjoy this small tidbit of the series and prepare yourselves to ride this rollercoaster with me! also, a special shoutout to jordan (@gretagerwigsmuse) for letting me ramble about this and reading over the millions of screenshots and drafts I've been hoarding over the past six months! i could not have had the courage to continue to write this or publish it without you!

After - Three Months 

Maybe Natasha was mistaken; a phenomenon that did not occur very often. 

She’s one of those people who’s a lucky guesser. Precisely the kind of person who could say “fuck it,” roll the dice of whatever was being talked about, and always come out victorious, and if not entirely correct beyond a reasonable doubt, was as damn close to right as anyone else could get. 

But she’s not a boaster. 

Sometimes being right is embarrassing and she never seemed to like the attention it brought; making people roll their eyes when asked for her opinion or always lucking out in a money pool whenever a bet was placed amongst her friends. She likes being right but she doesn’t necessarily like the reputation being right gives her, so she closes her mouth, nods her head, and tries to put on her best poker face whenever a bad idea is uttered from the mouths of her colleagues. 

Watching people blow their own bullshit in their faces is comical and she and Bob get an absolute kick out of it whenever it's on Jake’s dime.  

But this time it isn’t Jake or Javy or Maverick or anyone she would giggle and be in stitches over looking silly and distraught. 

This time it’s Bradley, and from the iron flavor in her mouth from where she had been biting her lip the entire night, she knows that this is bad. 

This is really bad. This is super bad. This is fucking horrible.  

In hindsight, Bradley had a little bit of a problem. In hindsight, it was a stupid idea to let him have as much as he did. And in hindsight, it was downright imbecilic to let him get that wasted, play a game of pool with Jake (who loves to engage in smack talk), and not tell Jake about the breakup which resulted in Bradley leaping over the table and trying to beat the absolute shit out of him for making a joke about his girlfriend whom everyone else had yet to establish was now his ex-girlfriend. 

Maverick, who watched the entire thing go down from the bar stools, practically begged Penny on his hands and knees not to throw them out and she obliged but only after tasking Mickey and Bob with taking Bradley to the bathroom and letting him calm down in there before he was ready to come back out. 

And Nat knew that they all should probably head home and that Penny had every right to kick them out for the evening (and probably should), but she remained quiet while trying to ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach. Her careful eyes caught wind of Bradley’s incapacitated disposition as he stood slumped between Mickey and Bob as if he was an anchor ready to sink to the bottom of the ocean. 

Their gentle arms held him steady while their faces wore desperation. The chunky wet spot of acid on Bob’s pant leg told Natasha everything she needed to know and from the way Bradley’s head hung, he was down for the count.

If she was being truthful, Bradley had been down for the count for a long time; much longer than anyone had ever really taken notice of, and the seed of anxiousness planted in her torso only bloomed with each assisted step he had taken toward her. 

Natasha was mistaken, and letting him tag along tonight was an incredibly bad idea. 

“Hi, Nat,” he slurs with reddened cheeks and a boyish grin on his face. Part of him looks like the boy she had gotten to love like a brother all those years ago in flight school; way before the stupid mustache and the muscles and the “slight” drinking problem he’d developed over the past nine weeks. 

“Hey, dumbass,” she snides back. She’s so overwhelmed that irritation is the only feeling coursing through her veins. 

“We had a bit of an. . .” Mickey looks toward Bob who looks as if he’s about two seconds away from passing out, “incident in the bathroom. He really needs to get home, Nix.” 

She sighs deeply; the likeness of a sleepless night and a massive headache in the morning a premonition burning bright behind the heavy blinks of her eyelids. Her hands hold her hips and her shoulders slump. She and Bradley had ridden with Jake to Hard Deck tonight, and she’s sure that the debit card saved to her Uber account would not appreciate a twenty-five dollar fee for an eight-minute straight shot up the road. 

But asking Jake for a ride home after he’d been sat icing his left eye with a Heineken bottle isn’t ideal either. 

Her eyes dart to the watch on her left arm; an old Cartier with a white face and hands that were always ten minutes off the hour. If she remembers right, multiplying the drive time by two would get her an estimate of the walking time, and if they jay-walk on Jasper and Kinnecky, they could shave off four minutes and be at her front door in about- 

“Twelve minutes?” she looks up at the triad of men and flashes a small smile in the process, “Do you think he could make that long of a walk?” 

Bradley tries to straighten his legs to stand on his own, but his knees buckle before he can even put his full weight forward. He giggles to himself; the sound childish and carefree. He attempts to lean his head on Bob’s shoulder but slams his forehead down too enthusiastically and knocks heads with the sheepish brunet instead. 

“I’m gonna be so honest with you, I don’t think he can tell you what color shirt he has on. It’s a miracle he’s even standing right now.” 

Natasha groans and puts her face in her hands.

Fucking hell, Bradley. 

“Don’t be mad at me. Please don’t be mad. Don’t be mad,” Bradley speaks up. His voice is whinier than usual and it’s one of the few phrases he’s bothered to utter tonight. His weight still remains supported by his two friends and for a moment, she feels guilty for even being frustrated with him at all. 

The warm hazel of his eyes peer into hers and she can almost feel his sadness and solitude. Bradley always liked to operate like he was angry, but anyone who dared to get close enough to him knew that the anger was how he felt about himself; a mirage of explosives made up of pure loneliness and hurt. 

“I’m not mad —” 

“Oh my fucking, God!” Bob screeches. 

A slosh of yellow vomit exits Bradley’s mouth faster than anyone can manage to process. The warmth of his stomach acid mixed with the various types of alcohol he had shoved down his throat throughout the night makes everyone around them wrinkle their nose, and it’s in that moment - the one with Bob dropping Bradley’s arm in shock and Mickey being left to support his weight alone and succumbing to his friend’s heaviness sending them both straight to the floor in the puddle of puke - does Natasha accept the fact that this was a mistake and that Bradley had no business being anywhere but on a bathroom floor with a cup of water next to him. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Mickey groans, his arms pushing himself up. He grimaces as he stands and examines his hands; the chunks of what was in Bradley’s stomach (which isn’t much besides alcohol, he figures) sitting warmly on his palms and making its way between his fingers. 

Bradley grunts from the ground and is almost an afterthought due to the catastrophe taking place in front of them. Javy and Jake jump from their spots near the pool table and help him up. 

Natasha can feel the headache brewing in her temples. She turns to look around and take count of all the watchful eyes. Even though she’s beyond mad at him right now, she always finds herself looking out for Bradley. After a quick sweep of the bar with her gaze, she figures that he’s not embarrassed himself too badly to never show his face around again. 

Her eyes catch Penny’s sympathetic look. She mouths an apology while Penny nods and slowly starts to make her way to the supply closet in the back. On her way out from behind the bar, she pushes Maverick’s head with her hand a little bit harsher than what could be considered playful, and Maverick simply gives a sheepish grin in return. 

“M’soooo tired,” Bradley garbles some more. His head hangs as if his neck isn’t attached to him. 

“No, no, no, no. You can’t go to sleep right now!” Javy discourages. He pulls Bradley’s arm tighter around his shoulder. The brunet is properly jostled and Jake grumbles beside him. 

Jake sends a sharp glare to his best friend at his sudden movement and for a second, he feels a wave of sympathy wash over him. It’s no secret that Bradley and Jake had been each other’s least favorite person for much longer than they had been friendly, but the fact that they can call each other that now - a friend - makes this taste so much sourer in the blond’s mouth now. 

“But I’m tired!” Bradley croons. His body starts to go slack again as if his bones were made of rubber. 

“But you can’t go to sleep, man!” Javy tries to reason. 

“Why not?” Bradley continues to whine. His eyes squeeze shut and he stomps his foot like a toddler.

“Because – fuck, dude – because you just. . . can’t!” 

“Why,” his foot resounds on the ground to punctuate his word, “Not!” The force of its landing causes him to stumble back a little despite the hunkering support on both sides of him. The room spins slightly and he chokes back a gag. 

“Penny hates sleepers and you’re already skating on thin fuckin’ ice with her,” Javy snaps, “I suggest that if you don’t wanna lose a hangout spot, you try and get it together.”

Bradley attempts to mock him, but the effort it takes to remember what was said proves itself too great. He gives up after his third attempt at unscrambling his words and instead sticks his tongue out. 

A frustrated puff of air leaves Jake’s mouth before he turns to Natasha. The face he makes is something Nat likes to call his “bitching face,” which everyone knew he made when he had something to say (which was all the fucking time, so he would often argue that it was just his face). She rolls her eyes to mentally prepare for the bullshit that’s about to come out of Hangman’s mouth. 

“So what’s your plan, Phoenix?”  

She hadn’t expected for his statement to be so tame, and for the first time tonight, the pressure of having to be right pinched her nerves like a thorn. For once in her life, she doesn’t really have a plan, and the realization startles her. 

“Shit. I – I don’t know–” she stammers. 

She feels a sharp pain in her thumb and glances down to see the side of her nail torn to shreds and spewing crimson. She curses herself internally. Picking anxiously at her skin was a habit she thought she had kicked after flight school. 

Jake’s lips form a straight line of dissatisfaction with her answer. Bradley utters something incomprehensible to the sober ear and Javy shakes his head, pretending to understand what the brunet is saying when he truly has no clue if it was even English. 

“I don’t feel good.” 

Despite the confession being whispered, the world stops turning as if it were screamed from the rooftops. Bradley’s face pales. Javy can feel his chest squeeze with a sense of dread. Jake’s grip on his friend’s shoulders tightens. 

“I need you to tell us what we’re doin’ before he starts blowin’ chunks everywhere!” 

Natasha just stands still with a God’s eye view of the scene unfolding in front of her. Had you gone back in time and told her this would be her life three months ago, she’s positive she would’ve laughed in your face. 

No one was more responsible than Bradley. No one was more reasonable than Bradley. No one was more mature than Bradley. No one else had life figured out the best they could like Bradley had. 

But no one knew how deeply sad Bradley actually was. 

And no one knew that this is exactly where that deep sadness would land him. 

“What’s the plan, Phoenix?” Jake’s voice booms and bounces around in her ears. 

Her hands come up to push the flyaways from her French braid back. Natasha’s face feels hot and the mugginess of the bar feels like a wet paper towel trapping her movements beneath its paper tendrils. 

Think. Think. Think. Think! 

“You need to make a decision –” 

“I don’t fucking know!” she screeches. 

Time stands still and everything seems to be moving in slow motion. 

Penny whips her head around to see the commotion; her eyes wearing worry. Bob straightens his back due to her sudden change in cadence. Javy shifts uncomfortably on his feet. Mickey and Rueben give each other wide-eyed looks while Jake’s lips mold themselves even further into a straight line. 

Even the music playing over the speakers seemed to quiet down. 

It all makes her want to cry. 

Her breathing is rampant and her heart beats raucously inside her ears. Her pulse is in tune with it and she can feel the blood coursing through every single vein in her body. Her hands shake and her body feels electrified from all the adrenaline. 

Making a choice isn’t doable right now. And making the right choice is a task that remains an unsolvable dilemma with a bright red “danger” sign at its conclusion no matter the option. 

“Fine,” Jake grumbles. He turns his body slightly to face Javy. “He’s comin’ with me.” 

Javy widens his eyes; his thoughts formulating what he wants to say before he can even come up with the words to express it. “He can’t even stand straight. How in the fuck are we gonna get him into that stupid ass lifted truck –” 

“Can you just shut the fuck up and help?” 

Javy rolls his eyes and lets out a puff of air that he hadn’t even realized he was holding in. Jake is lucky that they had been best friends for over a decade and Bradley even luckier that Javy has a soft spot for him. 

Natasha’s mouth feels stuffed with cotton and her limbs molded by concrete as the two men breeze past her to lead Bradley out of the front doors of Hard Deck. She could almost convince herself that the entire scene was a dream had it not been for the whiff of cologne and the slight tang of Bradley’s vomit hitting her nostrils as they walked by. 

She slaps down a fifty-dollar bill on the bar top near the cash register before jogging into the sandy parking lot with the sky-painted indigo and violet above them. 

By some miracle, Bradley is dragged (not without any hiccups or the impending fear that he would start projectile vomiting everywhere) all the way to the floor of the backseat of Jake Seresin’s black Ford F-150. 

“Lard ass,” Jake mutters as he slams the door of his truck closed. Javy slides into the backseat with Bradley and another hollow sound of metal shutting can be heard. 

Jake rips open the front passenger door for a meek Natasha, whose arms had yet to move from their crossed spot over her chest. Despite the dry summer heat nipping at her body and her damp arms showing evidence of her sweating, she feels cold. 

Shocked. 

Numb, is the word she’s looking for but can’t seem to find. 

Her thumb rubs over her watch band and her purse hangs stagnant near her belly button. She looks as if she had seen a ghost. Her fingernails leave small scratches where blood had been drawn from her nervous picking. 

Jake swats at her hand gently; telling her to let go. Telling her that this is okay. That this is under control. 

That she needs to let go and let him help. 

They stand silent in the hollows of the bar’s parking lot and Natasha can recall very few times where she had felt like this. 

There was a weariness that grew in her whenever she told her dying grandmother that she would get to see her walk the stage at her high school graduation. There was a need for protection when she had broken up with her boyfriend before getting her first deployment assignment. There was a loss of hope whenever she looked at Bradley’s pleading eyes in her living room tonight, begging to let him tag along and carve out what he wants to say but can never manage to utter; “I’m lonely and I need help.” 

Dread. 

Impending doom. 

Knowing the outcome despite trying to convince yourself that if you pray hard enough or ask God kind enough or are a good enough person or try your best or whatever the fuck you believe in doing – that this will work out and that you’ll come out on top. 

But all that does is set you up for your grandmother to die two nights before high school graduation and for your boyfriend of three years to admit that he was cheating on you for two and a half of those. 

All it gets you is a drunken best friend with demons and night terrors that still swallow him whole with fear despite sleeping on her living room couch and being thirty-seven years old. 

“You coming?” Jake’s voice cuts through her downward spiral of thoughts. 

She gulps down her feelings of decay. She makes a mental note to bring this up to her therapist this week even though she knows she’ll skate around it and they won’t get to unpack it for at least three more sessions. 

“Y– yeah. I am,” she wipes at her forehead with the back of her hand, “Thanks.” 

Jake gives a sharp nod of his head to her. Despite being a major shit-talker, he doesn’t really have much to say outside of the realm of having a good time or riling up some trouble. 

He and Natasha aren’t close by any means of the word, but his appreciation for her had doubled the size since seeing all that she goes through dealing with an obliterated Bradley. Most friends don’t stick around like she does. 

He sure as hell wouldn’t. 

She throws herself up into his passenger side seat and closes the door before Jake can get to it. He’s already taking her and Bradley home, she figures. He can’t keep doing favors for her. 

But then maybe shutting my own door is rude. 

And then the thought spirals into why she doesn't think anyone wants to do nice things for her and how she’s undeserving of the good deeds she’s been dealt and then realizes that this thought pattern can wait because there are much bigger problems in her rear view. 

Natasha turns her head to peer into the backseat. Bradley lays with his head in Javy’s lap and his legs folded in some miraculous knot. Javy doesn’t seem to mind and sits with his arms spread across the backs of the seats; scrolling away on his phone and checking his March Madness bracket to see exactly how much money he should be collecting at work tomorrow morning. 

“How’s he holding up?” 

The sound of her own voice surprises her. It comes out soft. Less assured. Less assertive than it usually does. She thinks that she sounds like her mother in a way before she discards the thought. She’s always hated the sound of her mom’s voice and – 

Bigger things, Nat. Way bigger things. 

Javy lets out a sarcastic chuckle. “Pretty shitty,” he looks down from his phone and turns his neck to the side, “Can’t even hold that big ass head up on his own.” 

Natasha lets out an airy snort. Her eyes continue to drink in the sight of the two men behind her before her attention snaps to the sound of Jake climbing into the driver’s seat. 

He lets out a soft groan before shoving his key into the ignition and the engine roaring to life. His hand finds the button for the stereo and clicks it off before any sound can come from it. 

“How you holdin’ up back there, ‘Yote?” he asks, right arm behind the back of the passenger seat as he begins to back out. He whips the gear into drive and guides the wheel with the palm of his left hand. 

“Haven’t had to play EMT yet if that’s what you’re asking.” 

Jake’s eyes catch Javy’s face in his rearview mirror. The idea of saying something sarcastic crosses his mind, but he doesn’t indulge in it; not now when shit has hit the fan and there’s seemingly no end in sight. 

There’s a time and place for his snide comments, he thinks. 

See, I’m learning. . . .God, these people have made me soft. 

He wrinkles his nose and checks his periphery for Natasha. She sits solemnly at his side like a child who knew they were in for it once they got home. Her hands sit in her lap; fingers busied doing God knows what (probably picking, Jake would guess, but he’s too focused on trying to get everyone home without someone dying to actually look to confirm). Her mouth is set in a deep frown and her face competes with the moon for how pale it is. 

Jake had never really looked at Natasha before, but he’s seen her enough in quick glimpses and fond flashbacks to know that she’s never appeared this hollow. 

Something is weird. 

Something is off. 

Something is wrong, and Jake starts to wonder how anyone could have missed it at all. 

He opens his mouth to comment on it before he’s interrupted. 

“Turn left up here,” she whispers. Jake has to blink a few times to prove to himself that he had actually heard her voice come out like that and hadn’t dreamt it up. 

A simple nod and a turn much wider than he would have liked it to send them to the driveway of a charming California bungalow. Natasha’s car sits outside the garage parked next to the God-awful and constantly falling apart Ford Bronco that everyone and their mother knows belongs to Bradley Bradshaw. 

Jake fixes his wheels to be parallel to the lip of Natasha’s drive before throwing the vehicle into park and killing the engine. He throws the door open and hops out to help Javy pull Bradley’s deadweight out of the truck to take him inside. 

“Up you get, dumb fuck.” 

Bradley lets out a soft groan before being fixed across both men’s shoulders. His feet drag on the ground and his eyes remain closed. His brain is absent of any thoughts and the possibility of him remembering a single detail about this tomorrow is slim to none. 

Natasha jams her house key into the lock and switches on the hallway light. She doesn’t bother taking off her shoes before she’s turned the corner to her kitchen to fetch some Ibuprofen and a glass of water. Javy and Jake silently struggle behind her, and she tries to ignore their hushed comments of “Oh shit!” after a loud thud fills the house, which she presumes to be them accidentally dropping Bradley on the ground. 

Her feet feel like they’re stuck in buckets of cement as she stands before her kitchen sink; idly watching the air pocket bubbles of water fill the glass she holds beneath the faucet. The thought of getting Bradley water from the Brita filter in her refrigerator briefly crosses her mind, but then she remembers that she’s angry with him, and at the very least, he doesn’t deserve filtered water. 

It’s a childish attempt at getting even, she knows, but she can’t express her annoyance any other way without feeling as if she was a raging bitch. 

Her hand mechanically slaps the lever on the faucet to shut it off and her throat tightens when she hears the sound of her coffee table being scraped across the floor and Bradley mumble a whiny “Ouch!” 

Natasha takes a deep breath and attempts to count to ten. 

One. Bradley is okay. Two. Bradley is okay. Three. Bradley is okay. Four. Bradley is okay. Five. . . He’s fucking killing himself and you’re not even trying to help. Six. What kind of fucking friend are you? Seven. You should be ashamed of yourself. Eight — 

With a wobbling lip and starry eyes, she forces herself out of her kitchen and into her living room where she finds two of her friends huddled around her other one; trying to position him on his side so that he can properly fall asleep. 

“You fucking – you fuckin’ dropped me!” Bradley cries, his limbs flailing around like a baby’s. 

Jake rolls his eyes. “Don’t cry over spilled milk, Bradshaw,” the lightbulb to say something shitty goes off in his head, “. . . S’not even milk you’re gonna remember spillin’.�� 

Bradley wordlessly slides himself deeper into the couch and smushes his face up against a throw pillow. Natasha watches from behind and makes a mental note to go ahead and plan on taking that pillow to the cleaners tomorrow. 

It would be by God’s grace if she came to the living room in the morning and the cushion was absent of vomit. 

“Don’t be a dick, Hangman. He’s already down bad enough as it is,” she speaks, brushing past him to set the water cup down on the coffee table. Her fast hands move the small waste basket hidden by her lamp near Bradley’s head. Her palm lingers on his head; fingertips ghosting the space where his hairline meets the back of his neck. 

She sits down on the loveseat adjacent to the couch with a ‘plop.’ All that can be heard is the buzz of the cicadas outside and the anchoring, rumbly snoring exiting Bradley’s mouth. Javy shifts his weight between his two feet. Jake chews on his lip. 

No one speaks. 

The elephant in the room has gotten harder to ignore. 

Natasha senses the ball forming in her throat before she feels it; the scary, dark monster of angst that everyone seems to want to will away. Its claws dig themselves deep into the crevices of her throat and tear every part of her to shreds. The stinging prickling of her eyes becomes harder and harder to blink away. Her nose begins to run; leaking the secret anguish she had been keeping to herself for months. Her limbs feel as if they had been injected with pure lead and she can’t will herself to move. 

Because this is it. 

This is the end. 

This is the official cry for help that she had never wanted to make. 

It’s crazy, she thinks, how your body can betray you even harsher than your worst enemy could. 

Jake knows she’s crying before Natasha knows she is. Growing up with four sisters gave him a special radar for hidden emotions. The knowledge startles him a bit because never did he ever think that she had it in her to be so. . .broken. His eyes widen when her chest begins to wrack with sobs.

He and Javy share a wide-eyed gaze as if the scene playing in front of them could be any less real. Both men had never been great at comfort because they never had to deal with it, and as she tries to stifle her cries in an attempt to not wake Bradley and to not freak out Javy and Jake, she wonders if the anger she holds in her heart for Bradley makes her a bad person. 

It’s insane, she thinks, that in one of her darkest moments, she can’t help but be horrified of being an awful human being. 

All she had ever known was sacrifice and she can’t help but want to throw in the towel. To stop fighting so hard. To stop caring so much. To stop loving so deeply. 

But she can’t. 

I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. 

And thus the tears continue to fall while she wipes furiously at her eyes. Through a blurry lens of reality, she looks down and sees marbled red between her fingertips, but says nothing. The metallic stench of her own blood dripping out of her nose isn’t enough to stop her frenzy of thoughts beating her feelings into those of self-doubt. If anything, the blood attracts the emotions of worthlessness like sharks to live bait. 

“Shit,” Jake hisses. The sound of his boots tendering his steps toward her makes her cry harder. “Shit, shit, shit. It’s okay. It’s alright.”

 His hand moves in slow motion to reach out and touch her, but he snatches it back before it makes contact with her body. 

Although he’s good at detecting sob fests, he’s never been good at resolving them.

“Holy shit, that’s so much blood,” Jake whispers louder than he intended. He sits on his knees in front of her and tilts his head to both sides of her face to get a good look at the geyser of blood spewing out of her nose. 

Javy sends daggers toward him before making a plan in his head. “You take her to get cleaned up,” he instructs, “I’ll stay with tilt-a-whirl to make sure he actually makes it to the trashcan.” 

Jake opens his arms in offense and opens his mouth to make a complaint before Javy stops him, “Blood or puke, dude. Your call.” 

The blond’s lips form a straight line before he quickly makes a decision. He ushers Natasha up and gently guides her to the bathroom down the hall. She can barely see with the rate of tears building up in her eyes and though she would rather die than show weakness, the vulnerability sat revealed on the cushions of her loveseat. 

There is no tough guy act available for her use anymore. 

As she sits on her toilet seat lid with her head tilted forward over a wastebasket, she determines that Jake Seresin isn’t the most atrocious thing she has ever encountered and has a slight appreciation for his detached demeanor. 

He doesn’t ask any questions. He doesn’t push her to say anything. He’s more than content with the silence and sits on the ledge of her bathtub with his elbows digging into the tops of his thighs. 

In any other circumstance, they would be ripping the other a new one; trying to embarrass each other by coming across the other’s faults with a fine toothcomb. In another world, Natasha is somewhere teasing him about being a softy. In another world, Jake is rolling his eyes at whatever she was saying and dismissing it with a nasally, “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” In another world, he never sets foot in her house and in another world, she doesn’t fall apart at the seams like this. 

But in this world, the one with an entire box of bloody Kleenex filling the waste basket she has her head over, they don’t say anything because they truly don’t need to. 

The thing no one tells you about hating someone’s guts is the way that you’re so accidentally in tune with them. 

You know how they think. You know what nasty little habits they have. You know exactly what makes them tick. 

And you know precisely what faces they make when they want you to spill your guts. 

Natasha tries her hardest to ignore his wandering eyes and looks down at the mess beneath her instead. She can feel his stare slicing through her body; layer by layer: skin, fascia, muscles, organs, bones, and all. 

“He’s been putting vodka in his coffee every morning.” 

Jake quirks his eyebrows together. His stomach drops at the idea of what her admission may reveal. 

“I suspected it for a while. He’s never been a Yeti cup kind of guy,” she lets out a sarcastic laugh, “So one day I went over to his desk and took a sip. I figured he wouldn’t mind.” 

She shifts uncomfortably and her tears begin to slide down the apples of her cheeks like a waterfall once again. 

“You know the shitty part about being right no one ever tells you? That it applies to dumpster fires too. Like, I didn’t wanna be right about my best friend drinking on the job but. . .”

Silence fills the air. Jake’s heart starts to race. This can’t be good, he thinks. This isn’t good, he knows. 

“But?” he leads, leaning forward more to make sure that his ears don’t miss a single word that falls out of her mouth. 

“Went by his desk every day for a week straight and sniffed his cup. I was right.” 

Night and day pass before Jake can let the idea – no. The fact that Bradley had been showing up to work drunk settle in his stomach. It spreads like a thick goo that he can’t swallow down. 

“How long?” he asks quietly. Gently, like a parent whispering as they hold their sleeping baby to their chest. 

She licks her lips. The wetness of her tears help mend the dryness her mouth had encountered. 

“Three months.” 

The admission is dropped like a bomb. The effects of both of them knowing changing the intricate thread of life as they know it instantaneously. Jake’s chest starts to heave with a feeling that he doesn’t recognize. 

Hurt. Anger. Disgust. Care. Sympathy. Hatred. 

All of these things that he has never felt at one time. All of these things that he doesn’t have a name for. 

His mouth moves faster than his brain. “You know you have to report him.” He says it with such finality and although he knows it’s the right thing to do, it certainly isn’t the right thing to say. 

Natasha narrows her eyes at him. “You think I haven’t thought about it? You think it’s just that easy?” she scoffs, anger making her cheeks crimson red, “Fuck you, Jake!”

He knows that he shouldn’t take any offense to her words, but the weight of the events of tonight has taken a toll on him, and her words plant a seed of irritation in his heart. 

“He’s coming to work drunk, Natasha! Screw me for wanting to keep people alive.” 

She takes a deep breath. Her knuckles whiten around the rim of the trashcan she’s holding as a means to try and calm herself down. 

“Look,” she speaks through gritted teeth, “I know this is horrible –” 

“Horrible? Just horrible?” his words sound sharper than he intended them to be, “Horrible is your dog dying or losing a bet or staining your white couch with a fucking nosebleed.” 

A sarcastic laugh leaves his mouth as he stands up to leave the bathroom. “He’s gambling with life, and he of all people should fucking know better.” 

“Because using the dead mommy and daddy card against him is soooo fucking rich, Jake. What else is new? Huh?” She shoves the wastebasket to the side and stands up to look him in the face. 

“You gonna pull the dead grandma card on me? Cheating ex-boyfriend? Oh let me guess. The female pilot who belongs in the kitchen and not the Navy?” With each word, she gets closer and closer to him. 

“Don’t let the fact that I have a heart and actually try to do the right thing make you forget that I’ll fuck your life up beyond repair. You’re absolutely the last one to talk about gambling with life when you tried to kill your team and didn’t even feel an ounce of sympathy. Being number one means nothing when you kill all your competition, fuck face.” 

The dried blood around her nostrils leaves a scarlet film in its wake. Jake takes a few deep breaths to remind himself to calm down. He knows that she’s right. He knows that he hasn’t quite redeemed himself. He knows that despite everyone having a chummy attitude with him, he is still considered a person who cannot be trusted. 

Because he does bail. He does cut people down to make himself feel better. He does eliminate his problems instead of facing them. 

“I know that he’s your best friend. I know that he means the world to you, but what he’s doing is dangerous, and you helping him hide it will only bite you in the ass in the long run,” he exhales softly, “You need to tell.” 

She rolls her eyes and reaches past him to flip the light off. She stomps past him back into the hallway that leads to her living room. 

“You still don’t fucking get it. You’ll never fucking get it!” 

Her gaze finds Bradley sleeping softly on the couch and Javy curled up on the loveseat fast asleep before she decides to lower her voice. She turns on her heel to face Jake once again and takes a deep breath to calm herself down. 

“You don’t have to get it or understand or even pretend like you give the smallest ounce of a fuck about him, but I do. I care about him so fucking much, Jake. And I know that it’s fucked up and I know that I’m not doing the right thing, but I can’t rat him out because betraying him when he’s like this would hurt him even more than getting in the cockpit wasted.” 

“Nat –” 

She holds up her hands to his chest and distances herself from him. The tears start to form again and she wonders if she’ll ever stop crying. 

“I can’t take this away from him. I can’t take the only thing he has left away from him and you can’t make me. . . . Because this time, he might just hate me enough to dig the hole so deep that he won’t be able to climb back out.” 

The collage of versions of Bradley she had gotten to know and love so well over the years of their friendship blind her with sorrow and sadness. She truly knows him in a way that no one else ever will, and while part of her takes pride in that, another part of her wishes there was someone else to help share the load because she’s tired. 

She’s so fucking tired and there seems to be no relief in sight. 

“And I’d rather him rot away on this couch knowing that someone loves him than get a phone call that he—that he killed himself because I helped everything get taken away from him.” 

She zips past him to her linen closet to grab a blanket for Javy. “So yeah. You don’t have to get it but I do, and I’m gonna continue to stick by him regardless because that’s what friends do.” 

Jake stands dumbfounded in the dimly illuminated doorway as she carefully unfolds a blanket and gently lays it on Javy. He watches as she turns to Bradley and puts her finger underneath his nose to ensure that he’s alive and breathing. Her eyes refuse to meet him as she walks into her bedroom and shuts the door. 

And when she wakes the next morning to find Jake fast asleep in a chair alongside Javy and Bradley, she knows that there was nothing but truth to the words he had uttered to her last night. 

When they wake, they separate and leave for work like the events of the evening had never happened. 

Like Bradley hadn’t projectile vomited at the bar the previous night or that Javy hadn’t dropped him on his ass in Nat’s living room. Like Natasha hadn’t cried so hard her nose bled and that Jake hadn’t had the chewing out of his life given to him in a bathroom at three in the morning. Like everything is fine when they all know that it’s not – the textbook definition of burying an issue beneath a rug. 

Natasha almost tricks herself into pretending like the entire evening had never happened until she spots Bradley’s black Yeti cup on his desk. She stares at it with wonder and hatred and she doesn’t even realize how long she had been standing there until she feels the warm drip of blood seeping from her nose slide down her face and onto her chest. 

Natasha Trace was a person who was very rarely mistaken, but now she can say that her mistakes run large when she is. 

Because Bradley Bradshaw is fucked, and there is absolutely nothing she can do about it. 

[tmntkiseki]

I have finally watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (beware for OPINIONS)

And the tl;dr opinion: I am surprised by how much I liked it

Obviously, it wasn't as good as the first movie and I definitely have a few issues with it, the biggest one being that with the exception of Donatello, the turtles barely used their weapons. I know this was because people complained that the first movie was too violent, but C'MON, PEOPLE. If Leonardo has a pair of swords strapped to his back, he should be using them, damn it!

My other big issue is Casey being completely absent from the plot. I might have been forgiving towards this if they provided an explanation somewhere in the script (something like "His mother is not doing well and he needs to take care of her,") but he's just gone with no acknowledgement that he even exists and it is so jarring when he was such a prominent member of the cast in the first film. Subsequently, I'm extremely divided on Keno. I do really like him as a character, and I wouldn't mind if they brought him back in another iteration at some point, but he ultimately feels like a substitute for Casey that they didn't actually need.

But otherwise, most of my complaints range from minor nitpicks to stuff that I'm not necessarily sure is actually a problem. For instance, the turtle costumes don't look as good, but I feel like that's more to do with the brighter lighting rather than a genuine decline in the overall quality (the darker lighting of the first movie did a lot to hide the imperfections in the suits.) April being played by a different actress certainly is weird, but Paige Turco does a pretty acceptable job playing our intrepid reporter, even if I do still prefer Judith Hoag. The overuse of slapstick comedy is a little grating at times, but there were a lot of jokes that made me laugh so I can let it slide. You win some, you lose some.

The really interesting thing though is that unlike the final two seasons of the 2003 series, the tonal change didn't actually bother me all that much. I think it was because despite the tonal change, the turtles, for the most part, still felt very in character when compared to the first movie. In Fast Forward and Back to the Sewer, there were a number of lines that genuinely went into "He would not fucking say that" territory, but here? Yeah, it' still the same turtles from before, just a little bit goofier.

And now for a bulleted list of pretty much everything I liked or am at least accepting of.

Even if I'm sad that Leo, Raph, and Mikey barely use their weapons, the fight choreography for the movie was still fantastic.

I know that both Raphael and Donatello's voices were recast for this movie and in terms of Raphael, Laurie Faso does such a convincing impression of Josh Pais performance that you can barely tell that the actor was changed.

As for Donny, I actually like Adam Carl's voice for him better than Corey Feldman's (not sure if this is a controversial opinion or not, but that is how I feel)

Speaking of Donny, they did put more emphasis on him being the tech guy of the turtles. That was the only thing I found off about him in the first movie, so I'm glad about this.

Listen, I know Jordan Perry's character is basically a stand-in for Baxter Stockman and he might as well just have been Baxter Stockman, but there is something I just absolutely love about him and his dumb bow tie.

Tokka and Rahzar... not entirely sure how I feel about these two? I think I like their concept enough and for the sake of the movie's plot they were utilized reasonably well. I just wish they had more personality than "literal infants." (Also, I feel dumb. I've been pronouncing Rahzar's name as "Raah-zahr," but for most of the movie, it's pronounced like razor.)

Even though there aren't really any significant character arcs in this movie and thus very little character development for the turtles, I did really like the brief angst that Don and his brothers had after finding out their mutation was a complete accident.

Frikkin Super Shredder. His appearance was extremely brief, but I can understand why the concept has been revived so many times in the franchise since this movie because it is so cool.

Do genuinely love the movie's soundtrack. Who the hell is Vanilla Ice, though?

[oddlyhale]

I got curious to see if there was any red flags of what lead to the shutting down of RT beside the obvious controversy and did I found a rabbit hole.

If you head to the RT reddit Chesla Atkinson made a post about the email she recieved from Jordan Levin the General Manager of RT about the cancelation of RTX2024

https://www.reddit.com/r/roosterteeth/s/Py84R0ELHy

Scroll down to a username by Bobthemine criticize how that RT is taking away big earnings for the company. To which Barbara Dunkelman the Creative Director answer that there are three things.

1) If it making the company lose money

2) people who are fraeting it don't want it anymore

and get this

3) not showing any signs of growth or potential for profitable

https://www.reddit.com/r/roosterteeth/s/tczkHYp2Eo

Barbara the commented to another post about how it confusing to supporters who are suprise at the cost of that RTX in order to make profit for RT as well as the hesitation for vol 10. To which she explains that JUST A MINUTE of animation of RWBY cost $12,500 to $35,000 she confirm they could no longer paid this amount of money thus the cancelation of RTX2024 and finding alternate way to make money.

https://www.reddit.com/r/roosterteeth/s/A8mRiuyzOu

Hence why the partner ship with Crunchyroll as RT couldn't be able to paid the cost anymore and why Vol 9 almost didnt happen. This wasn't the first time she mention this about the financial state of RT

https://www.reddit.com/r/RWBYcritics/s/7sQeGmFDeB

Now I'm not trying to be a crazy conspiracy theorist here BUT considering the fact RT stop airing the show on YouTube and if you wanted to watch the show or any other RT shows you had to go to their website. Then season 2 of Genlock being transfered to HBO MAX before being shutdown completely. And the cherry on top all of the scandals that was happening with the company itself.

Everything was a dam waiting to any moment now.

Sure it was popular and trending on Tumblr and Twitter. But just because it was popular here and other sites isn't enought to keep the company standing.

Now this is just my opinion. I really don't think any company is going to pick RWBY for nostalgia purpose yes but with all the controversy, bad handling of finances, and how Barabra states the show need to be profitable (which it hasn't been even with the partnership of Crunchyroll). RWBY will now forever be tied with RT failings and no company wants to touch that.

I also doubt know if RT was genuinely serious if RWNY found another home but with them being vague I'm pretty sure they actually meant it as "we are actually hoping for someone to but this show and we don't actually have a company in mind" so yeah #greenlit volume 10 is more like #please some help a us out

^ ^

Really interesting things that everybody should read!!

They really took RWBY for granted, that's what I'm getting out of this!

RT has a love-hate relationship with RWBY because they begrudgingly have to fulfill the show, but really they want to promote their other projects and 7 thousand podcasts that nobody cared about. They want the old-fashioned Roosterteeth back (gaming, jabbering, podcasting, bro-ing around), but with their fame dwindling and not catching up to today's mainstream, they basically put RWBY through the wringer just for attention.

They never grew up. They never took responsibility and they failed themselves.

When they're destined to shut this year, now they care about RWBY because they know the show is their money maker. Reality hit them like 5 freight trains and it forced them to get a grip. There's nothing wrong with needing help (begging for any company to pick up RWBY,) but they also need to do their part and fix their problems. No company would want to be back-loaded with their bullshit if they don't get themselves together.

I mean even Crunchyroll couldn't help them forever. I wouldn't be surprised if CR didn't want RWBY after their run with V9. If Amazon picks it up - because Amazon tends to pick up anything - then I may be intrigued. Sometimes Amazon airs hits or misses, just like A24 or Netflix.

[liquidstar]

fire emoji (dont know how to copy it lol) i want alien stage opinions. and maybe also on one of the alnst main duos (ivantill mizisua hyuluka) if youre up for two?

ok before i answer i will tell you something awesome. press the windows key and the period (.) key at the same time and you will get emojis on desktop 👍✨

ANYWAY unpopular alien stage opinion....

I really do think the fandom cares more about the mlm ship than the wlw one :'(

While I do think it's true that ROUND 6 went kinda viral because it was so highly anticipated, and existing fans were posting like crazy, I ALSO think that if the kiss scene happened w Mizi and Sua not as many new ppl would've checked it out.

Vivinos has been the the Horror Yuri channel for forever, and as a long time fan I am so immensely happy for Vivinos and Qmeng and all the voice actors for this awesome success, this series is absolutely getting the attention it deserves! But I also do wish ppl wouldn't forget that aspect of the channel tho, bc it seems like ppl think its The Ivantill Show. and i care about them a lot too! like i love them! their dynamic is incredible a lot to sink your teeth into BUT SO IS MIZISUAS! AND SOOOO MANY OTHER WLW DYNAMICS FROM PAST WORKS BUT! DID YOU GUYS WATCH MY SEPTEMBER? BELOVED? JORDAN RIVER? THERES MORE THAN JUST THE ONE MLM PAIR!

and before anyone says "omg thats not true its just because its the newest round" hey look at this

FOUR times more? come on now...

Its not that i want ppl to care less for Ivantill, or not be into Alien Stage, I love that the fandom has grown and the series is getting the attention it DESERVES! I just wish there was more care for our girls too 😭 but this probably goes back to what i was saying abt fandoms at their peak popularity lol

but just to be clear: this is not an ivantill hate post i love them so dearly, i just also love mizisua, lets not forget about mizisua guys. hyunaluka i dont have deep thoughts on really bc we havent seen them interact in the present but there is really great stuff being set up for Doomed Romance Number 3

[greenerteacups]

Hi GT, I was reading one of your wonderful responses and you mentioned you don't love what they did to Remus, and I have to say I 100% agree. In my opinion his relationship with tonks is weird (regardless of whether people think he had chemistry with Sirius) like he's at least 10 years older than her and he tries to leave her and it just seems like he goes along with HER infatuation without really caring about her very much. It also puts Tonks back into JKR's frequent dynamic for women, which is "badass who really wants to be with a guy who doesn't seem to appreciate her much" (see Hermione/Ron).

Do you have any further thoughts on that? I always found JKR's writing about women in relationships/who want relationships really weird. You definitely do it better.

JKR has many strengths as a writer, but I don't think anyone would say her romances are one of them. I think a lot of authors either consciously or subconsciously look down on romance as a genre because it's associated with sensuality and frivolousness, but writing and selling the idea that two people should and do want to kiss each other is like, really fucking hard to do, and it requires a certain set of skill checks as an author that not everyone has. Just like writing good horror or good fantasy, good romance has tenets and rules and things you can do to get the audience on board with you, and JKR didn't execute a lot of those things (to my satisfaction, YMMV) in the books. Bad romance is also a high-stakes problem, because it risks flattening out your characters and pitching them into OOC territory if the audience doesn't buy that the dynamic evolution is natural. But again, that's something you don't know if you haven't written romance, or tried to, before.

Mostly, you have to really lean into the vulnerability of the thing. Romance is silly and goofy and embarrassing. It makes you say dumb things and act in dumb ways. It can't be ironic or chilled or demure. At some point, to make a real human connection, someone has to get down, take off their dignity, and bare the rotten core of themselves. When we propose, we kneel on the ground. We get dirty. And all authors have a great terror of embarrassing themselves. They're doing something tremendously vulnerable; of course they want people to think they're cool and intelligent. It's embarrassing to put yourself in the head of a 15-year-old boy with a crush. It's embarrassing to write about a suitor earnestly confessing their love, because — what if this is too much? What if it's corny, what if it breaks the audience's suspension of disbelief? What if my readers are laughing at me? What if I'm the butt of the joke?

Anyway, I think a lot of really great books have terrible romance subplots for that reason. In The Great Gatsby, we never actually see Gatsby and Daisy alone together. We get their story second-hand, from people who can deliver it in a cool, reflective tone of mystery; we don't see them undressed, undone, emptying their hearts to one another. And Nick and Jordan, the romance we actually get to see develop, are easily the weakest plot in the book. Meanwhile, authors like Tolstoy have an incredible gift for writing romance that feels right, and is sensual without verging into purple prose. But Tolstoy is one of the greatest writers of all time. JKR wrote some very good books that a lot of people loved very much, but for her, the romances were accessories to the story. They weren't a focus. I'm certain she cared about Remus and Tonks's relationship, in the same way she cared about Ron and Hermione's relationship. Both take up too much space to explain otherwise.

TLDR: Writing romance is hard because it's really easy to fuck up, even if you care about it. I don't know that JKR put all that much thought into selling us on chemistry and interpersonal dynamics of the couples she threw together; I think she writes for plot, and the couples emerged as a part of that. That means the couples that don't necessarily make sense on paper lose out majorly because the audience doesn't know exactly what they're rooting for, and the couples that do make sense on paper lack a certain... I dunno, va-va-voom.

[screamingfromuz]

weird how you reblog posts saying Israel was founded on genocide while also reblogging posts saying the IDF has some measure of honor. like did you see the video of how they shot an Israeli citizen thinking he was Palestinian? Yuval Doron Castleman wa shis name, and the video is not hard to find. the had his hands up in the air, and he was shot multiple times. this happened in the past 24 hours. was there a specific point where the state of Israel became good?

you talk about Jewish people feeling unsafe around anti-Israel talk, but do you ever wonder if people of color feel unsafe around you, and your excusing of ceuel and dehumanizing police forces?

you are very funny to me, you kind of people little anon. So full of yourself yet cannot comprehend complex concepts of grey morality.

I don't fully agree with everything I reblog, I reblog things I believe are important to talk about.

The founding of Israel has several faces that should be acknowledged. It was both a victory to an indigenous land back movement and offered a desperately needed sanctuary for hundred of thousands that would flee, and horrible disaster to another indigenous group. This does not contradict. For peace to exists we must acknowledge the co existence of those narratives. Horrible things were done in 1947-1949, by everyone involved (Britian, Israel, Palestinians, Jordan, Egypt, Syrian, Lebanon), and ignoring or diminishing it is foolish. On the other side, blowing it up is just as stupid and destructive.

using the correct term is important, as using the wrong terms might leads fools such as yourself to misunderstand the problem, and worsen the actual problem by "trying to help".

the IDF takes extreme measures to be careful with civilian life while simultaneously being careless with it. Again, both things are true as the same time.

Me saying that I do not consider the actions in Gaza genocide, does not mean I agree with all of them. as explained in this post (and it various reblogs), the use of the word "Genocide" is done as a way to shut down conversations and vilify Israel. The things that are happening are horrific and I hate it, I mourn every death. But as I refuse to call this a genocide, any criticism I will have will be either dismissed or twisted and used against me. For that reason, I limit my criticism to Israeli circle and the real world.

I saw the video, of course I did. And what do you want me to say? that it is horrific? That I knew that something like this was gonna happen at some point? The soldiers fucked up, they will be trialed for that. This are problems that stem from militarized society that I fight against.

Israel is a state. It is not bad or good in your simplistic moral scale, like any other country on the planet. But Israel is my home, and I would not abandon if even if it is fucked up in here. There have been 9 months of protests before the war, people are still protesting and sighing petitions and working to build a better future here, for all of us. just like the people in Poland and in Hungary, we want a better country. The point is that you don't care, you don't want Israel to exist. You are calling or erasing Israel from the map without understanding the devastating consequences of such action. You don't care about our effort and our criticism unless you can twist if to the support of the eradication of Israel.

what you fail to understand, is how much your "anti-Israel" talk is toxic, destructive and full of antisemitism. Of course we feel unsafe! you are not criticizing Israel, you are calling for it's destruction and to the horrible consequences to the Jewish people that will follow.

I have talked about this, many Jewish and Israeli talked about it, but the amount of hate a vitriol your kind spew, the silencing methods you employ does not leave a place to our criticism. Nuanced opinions of the systems of violence, the militarization of the Israeli society, about the ties between culture and crime, of neglect, those are swept aside as they do not satisfy your "Israel bad" criteria.

Understanding the actions taken and explaining them is not endorsing or supporting said actions. it's called having an understanding.

I understand that this ask is a result of your underdeveloped moral compass, and truly hope you would be able to develop a healthy one little anon.

You don't know me, you see fractions of me through a screen, pieces of opinions I share on this wretched hell hole in hope of a good constructive criticism, in hope that by speaking out people will feel less alone.

for summery anon, life is more complex then your little fanfiction version of it. I hope you grow out of this mindset.

[deepfriedpaddymayne]

who, in your massively correct opinion, is the hottest sas boy? i can never tell if i think they're hot or i want to steal their gender

anon. before i start answering this, I need you to know that I went at this the most ridiculous way possible. just so you know, before you embark upon this journey.

imagine you are me. and you are a lesbian. and you think everyone on rogue heroes looks like Some Guy. and then you get this question. you might come up with an idea, make a joke, and move on.

OR.

you could choose to apply the scientific method. objectively quantify hotness in the Objective opinion of a lesbian. except, obviously, hotness depends on a series of factors - just because someone is attractive, it doesn't mean that they are Hot, you get me? you gotta keep their personality into account, too. AND on top of all of that, we need to account for gender envy. so you do what I did. and you open excel. and you start grading the boys depending on fuckability, dateability, and whether or not you want their gender. cool, now you have an Objective, Correct Answer. because obviously everyone's opinions on attractiveness are subjective and therefore all valid, BUT my subjective intepretation IS a little more correct than other people's. anyway, you have done all this. you have your answer. except you also have a visual memory and don't love numbers. and you might choose to chart it all out.

if, for some godforsaken reason, you had followed all of these steps, then you would find yourself with something like this.

and you would conclude that, if we exclude gender envy that might skew results, the hottest Rogue Heroes boy is Eoin McGonigal. which is ironic, considering he's in the cold, cold ground now.

I'm actually putting a cut here not to clog everyone's dash with this, but here are some little explanations on why I gave my score and clarifying some slightly confusing things about the chart:

Everyone is listed by surname to make sure they were all identifiable without clogging up the chart too much.

I do think most of them look, like. Fine. not, like, fiiiiiiine, they do genuinely just look. like some guys. half of them I wouldn't look at twice if I met them in tesco, you get me? anyway. I stared at so many pictures of these men trying to determine if they were fuckable. I think I am losing my mind.

Jordan, Cooper, and Stirling are actually all on the same point, they are just vaguely scattered around to make the labels readable. I had to install a whole new r package for this.

now the fun part. my completely Objective and Correct Judgment on each boy

-Stirling - his swagless looks and cringefail personality might have captivated Eve, but they are not enough for me. he looks mostly average, but he gets extra points because I am an Unusual Nose enjoyer

-Paddy - with all of my love for him he also does just look normal in my opinion (very pretty eyes, though). like, he looks good, but in a pretty normal way. and then on top of that there is his personality. (both of his scores turn into 10s if you have the highly specific brand of mental illness that Augustin and Eoin both have. get better soon pal)

-Lewes - Jock would absolutely make the best boyfriend out of the main trio, this is basically canon. he's also kind of pretty in a haunted doll way but again I do think he looks mostly Fine.

-Riley - not sure how to justify why his scores are so high tbh. but he seems very confident which is kind of attractive, I guess? also no idea why I want his gender. but I DO.

-Almonds - I just KNOW that Almonds would be such a kind and caring boyfriend. I had originally given him a 7 for fuckability but then I realised that if I was a gay man I would be all over his bear charms in a matter of seconds.

-Reg - Reg gets extra points for being kind of a malewife and also his massive tits but other than that I do think he's pretty average. I would be his friend though. I think he'd be a big lesbian ally in the same way Thor is.

-Kershaw - his fuckability is that high because he exclusively joined the SAS cause he loves killing fascists so my friends and I have an ongoing joke that he fucks like a freight train. that's it.

-Wee Johnny - a little Too Blond for my taste. also, I am sorry, but he is VERY young and I think at the point in life he's at, he'd be a little too self centred to be a good boyfriend. that said my man looks like a he/him lesbian and I'd steal his gender like a fae if I could.

-Fraser - I just KNOW he'd be the kindest, most gentle boyfriend on the planet. absolute sweetheart of a man. that said, he does just look like your run of the mill twink.

-Sadler - really don't know what it is about his odd as hell vibes that makes him so fuckable to me but there is SOMETHING. that said those odd as hell vibes do probably make him into a Not Ideal boyfriend.

-Eoin - I'm sorry, he's got it all. he cooks? he's sweet and understanding but can also be a bit of a little shit? buff but not massive? gets dimples when he smiles? AND he's got freckles and curly hair and an Unusual nose? he's literally perfect and undefeated winner of this contest. rest in peace sweet prince

-Augustin - he has very pretty eyes and face but his lankyness and weirdass way of moving (affectionate) does bring his fuckability score down a little. he's also Insane and while I do think he's very good at hiding it, you would eventually notice while you are dating him and go "huh!" (this, once again, does not apply if you are Paddy). oh that said I don't know what it is about his weird skinny puppetlike limbs that's so gender to me but. yah.

-Bergé - gonna be honest here, he's only included because I felt bad about Augustin being the only Frenchie on there. I like his moustache and his funky hat.