#and in all i don't think it saved me a whole lot of time- still took like 40-50 minutes- but this method felt a lot easier
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argh this moment is so sad but also makes me boggle at the skill of the directors and animators. such smart framing and body language for the purpose of hurting meeee.
Earlier in the scene when Viktor emerges from the hex-cocoon we don't see his body as a whole; we get a bunch of close ups of various body parts. This works from a storytelling perspective - immediately showing us the enormity of his transformation - but also conveys Viktor's dehumanised perspective, self-alienation, and the disoriented proprioception he must be experiencing.
The first shot in this gifset is striking, showing Jayce's astonished face framed through Viktor's decontextualised arms. Viktor appears here as a depersonalised, geometric, monumental negative space, his metallic purple body contrasting with the warm golden tones of Jayce's skin. Jayce's humanness vs. Viktor's alienness highlighted through colour theory, framing, shape and scale.
Then we get an immediate flip of perspective when Viktor asks "What am I?": we see someone incredibly vulnerable. That momentary beseeching upwards glance, at the same time as we finally get a clear shot of him and are reminded of his former physical frailty. Although he's now metal and magic, he's still narrow-shouldered and pigeon-chested with the remnants of his brace etched permanently onto his skin. The camera angle is slightly above him, making him look even smaller.
Then the sequence of facial expressions after Jayce says, "You're alive." These animators man. The sweaty wired sleepless exhaustion, the disbelieving little eye-roll and delirious smile of relief, the flash of a pained expression as he goes up to hug Viktor. No trace of the Golden Boy, just a groggy human mess with a lot of feelings.
And that hug..... !!!!!! how could they do this. Both characters are in a state of (semi)-nudity. Viktor is naked and Jayce is topless save for his bandages. Leaving shipping aside, as a point of emotional storytelling it's important that this is full skin-on-skin contact - I think the first we see for these characters in the show. This is a moment of maximum vulnerability, it should be a moment of openness...
But it's all wrong!!! The body language is on stratospherically different wavelengths: the physical impact of Jayce colliding with Viktor, how his naive exhuberence contrasts with Viktor's reserve, how he unintentionally dwarfs and smothers Viktor in the hug. For Jayce the hug is a pure, unselfconscious expression of emotion; whereas Viktor looks like he's drowning, his elbow awkwardly jutting out, his arm a symbolic barrier between them.
Then some of the saddest facial expressions in the show I think. You can basically see Viktor's gears turning as he processes the hug, you get this momentary eyebrow raise as he analyses his own perceptions and then this absolutely heartbreaking sequence of expressions while he raises his hand to Jayce's shoulder for the last embrace they will share until their deaths. Up for interpretation what exactly is going through Viktor's mind here but I imagine the hug is a catalyst for him to realise how profoundly alienated he is from his humanity and former perspective, and what that means for his partnership with Jayce. His physical senses feel different; there's a *recursive impulse* where his emotions used to be; a claustrophobic compulsion to get out of the suffocating embrace of Piltover politics and human messiness that Jayce represents. He's got to leave. But it pains him, at least momentarily. He registers the loss of himself through the loss of Jayce. You see his face contort and for a very brief second it looks like he's grieving. I think this is the last proper emotion he shows in the physical realm.
And then the rest of the scene is maybe even worse tbh but more so through dialogue. Here what strikes me is the sheer genius of the framing and animation. Arcane goes so crazy on colour, composition and micro-expressions and it's used to great effect in this scene. anyway
ARCANE LEAGUE OF LEGENDS: 2x02 - “Watch It All Burn”
#my delayed onset arcane brain made me write this slightly unhinged overanalysis#arcane#viktor#jayvik#The Line is great but. what if Viktor's Machine Herald transformation but with Radiohead's Pyramid Song#“we all went to heaven in a little row boat. there was nothing to fear nothing to doubt”
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rest, baby.
hi - here is part four of my frontman x reader series!
spoiler: they finally kiss! sorry but not sorry for the slow burn for that moment. hopefully the wait was worth it!
a frontman x reader series - masterlist to series here
"Open your eyes now." Player 001's voice sounded out in front of you, his voice was so calm compared to the constant loud terror that had stayed in your head during Mingle.
You did as he said and you were met by his gaze in the little yellow room. Slowly, you removed your hands from your own ears. In-ho's hands were still over the top of yours so they fell from your face too. All of the terrible noises of the worst game yet were over now. The nursery rhyme, the screaming, the fighting, the gun shots, dead bodies being placed into boxes with thuds, it was all over.
But there was another sound that you'd only heard once, that had taken place right before the game ended. A neck breaking. Your eyes did a quick sweep of the room, the man who had snuck in here when you fell to the ground was gone. You looked back to Player 001.
In-ho was still looking at you, he knew what you were looking for. He'd deliberately waited until the guards had removed the dead body from the room before telling you to open your eyes. His eye contact was strong, you still found comfort in it, but something had shifted ever so slightly. You were having an internal battle over if what he had done made you trust him more or less.
He had just killed someone with his bare hands. For you.
"It's over?" You asked, needing him to confirm.
"Yes." He told you and you felt the invisible weight of panic that had been crushing you lift from your chest.
You took in a deep breath but winced as the action hurt your side. Quickly you flinched, your hands going to where the pain struck.
"Are you okay?" In-ho frowned in concern, his hands landing on your shoulders to steady you.
"Just hurts a little."
"Can I see?"
You nodded and your hands went to the hem of your shirt, lifting it to see your side all red from where you had been kicked. "Looks like it hurts a lot." In-ho said, he moved one of his hands so his fingertips just barely brushed the surface of where your skin was red and hot, his jaw clenched. He was furious at the person who hurt you like this.
"I'll be fine." You pushed his hand away and put your shirt back down.
"You don't have to do that with me."
"Do what?"
"Say you're fine when you're obviously hurt."
"Well, when I just have this and all those people died, then I'm fine, Young-il." You snapped at him.
He didn't respond, instead silence fell between you both. His expression gave nothing away, you hated knowing how readable your face was whilst his was the opposite.
What you didn't know was the constant internal battle he was facing between being the Frontman and Player 001. Being the man who ran these games but also being the man who wanted to save you from them.
You snapped at him about people dying here, which he was to blame for but he didn't care about those people. He only cared about you. He cared so much about your life and at the same time, he was the reason yours had been put in this dangerous situation, he had to be the reason you get out, too.
"Sorry." You dropped your eyes, shaking your head at yourself. This man had literally just carried you to the finishing line - a finishing line that secured your life - and you were snapping at him? He had just helped and carried you through the worst panic attack you'd ever experienced so you would survive. He killed for you. You tried not to think about that last fact too much.
He had looked out for you more than anyone ever had your whole life.
"Don't be." He shook his head, dropping his head down. "You've been through a lot. Too much." Because of me. He thought.
"So have you." You reached for his hand then, he intertwined his fingers with yours. He kept his face down. "Young-il," You called out to him. In-ho hated that you still didn't know his real name, he wanted to tell you it. He looked back up to you. "Thank you for looking after me. For saving me."
His spare hand came to rest on your cheek, his thumb rubbing along your skin. You're saving me. He didn't say that out loud, instead he said, "I told you I would."
"I know, but when I had given up during the second last round. I thought that was it for me."
"But it wasn't, I was never going to let that happen."
"I know that, I just thought I was stronger than that. I should've been able to keep going. I should've been able to handle it." You were disappointed in yourself, dropping your gaze from his now.
"No," In-ho shook his head, his face almost looking pained at what you had said. Both of his hands held your own two. "You shouldn't have to, (Y/N). You are not the problem. What happens here, the people who thrive here, who enjoy it, they're the ones who are wrong." He moved his face closer to yours, barely brushing his nose against yours, you looked back up at the contact, the movement bringing your face closer to his again. You could feel his breath on your lips, your heart thundered. "Not you, pretty girl. You are too good for this place, it's beautiful that you don't belong here."
Your breath hitched as your eyes dropped to his mouth and then back up to his eyes. You tilted your head a little, rubbing your nose against his, your lips just grazing his, inviting him in.
He accepted.
Player 001 closed the distance, his lips meeting yours, finally. The kiss was tender and heavy, you'd both felt like you had been waiting so long for this despite it being just a few days. Your brain felt dizzy as all the terrible things you'd experienced slowly began to dissipate and all you could think about was how perfectly his lips meshed with yours. His hands let go of yours and found your thighs, you sighed into his mouth at the feeling of his strong grip on your legs.
"Come here." He mumbled against your lips. In-ho started to pull you forward and you followed his lead. Between kisses, you lifted yourself so you could settle into his lap and straddle him, your hands holding onto his shoulders, your front against his. You broke the kiss so you could catch your breath, but he wanted more, he was no where near close to being done to having his mouth on you.
Wet kisses were left to the corner of your mouth, your chin until he found your neck. You whined and tilted your head to give him more access, the feeling of it so delicious, you could feel a wetness already forming in between your legs. "That's my good girl." He said, briefly looking at your heavenly face before his lips came back to your neck where he began to lightly suck, his hands moving to your ass. You bit down hard on your bottom lip and whimpered, already feeling so turned on, you wanted to hear him call you that every day.
He started dotting kisses down your neck now, lingering a very hot, open-mouth one to the spot where your neck met your shoulder. "I can't wait to taste all of you." He gripped your ass and you rolled your hips into his. "You want that, baby?" He asked you, lifting his head once again to be right in front of yours. Your cheeks were already growing pink.
"Yes. Please, yes." You nodded, crashing your mouth against his once more. He met your kiss with ease, he was getting drunk on you already and there was still so much more of you waiting to be explored by him.
You were so blissfully surrounded by him, the perfect distraction from everything else you had gone through this day. You'd felt a constant flutter in your chest anytime he had touched you since that first night when he had rubbed your head until you fell asleep. Now that flutter was more alight than ever, bursting with each skilled movement of his lips.
You rolled your hips again, seeking a sensation against your throbbing centre. "Baby," In-ho broke the kiss with a puff of air at the feeling of your pussy grazing over where he had grown hard in his pants. You met his gaze. "Not here." He told you, placing one last peck to your lips and running his hands further up your back. As much as he wanted you, he wanted to make sure it was where you two were truly alone. Your pleasure was for his eyes only.
You whined and dropped your head onto his shoulder, letting out a loud sigh.
He laughed, turning his head so his lips grazed against your ear as he spoke. "That turned on?"
"Shut up." You laughed too.
"I'll take that as a yes."
-----
"To give you some time to think, the vote will be conducted tomorrow."
50 vs 50.
The vote had come out to a tie.
"No." Your voice was barely audible, you felt hopeless.
Everyone turned to walk back, only you and Player 456 were left standing in place. Gi-hun was staring at the numbers on the screen in disbelief. You were watching the guards as they started getting ready to leave.
You knew you wouldn't make it through another game and you didn't want Player 001 putting himself in danger again to keep you safe. You wouldn't forgive yourself if anything were to happen to him. You were desperate to get out.
Briefly, you turned to look back, looking for the man who had become your solace. He was already walking back to the bunks. You looked at him for a few more moments before turning back to the guards, they had all started to turn away to leave. If you had taken a few extra seconds to think about, maybe you wouldn't have acted so impulsively.
But you didn't.
"(Y/N), no!" Gi-hun attempted to stop you as you broke out in a sprint towards one of the guards, he reached out to you but you just slipped out of his grip.
Others turned at the commotion, the people who voted 'O' hoping to see you run right to your death, the people who voted 'X' were worried.
When In-ho turned at the sound of Gi-hun saying your name and he saw what you were doing, he swore his heart stopped beating. "(Y/N)! Stop!" He screamed at you, voice full of distress. Just like Player 456, he ran after you, but he was too many steps behind now. He could control what happened to you when the games were taking place, but if you were running at the guards to attack them in front of all the other players, he couldn't control the outcome of this and it made him panic.
Just as you were about to grab a guards gun, they turned around at the sound of their bosses voice, seeing you right behind them and immediately holding their gun up so the barrel pressed right against your forehead.
You froze and sucked in a breath, the other guards turned and pointed their guns at you. You waited for the sound of a bullet being fired, but it never came. You thought for sure this was going to be your end, this was not behaviour they tolerated.
What you didn't see was the Frontman glaring at them with a warning gaze. His face was hardened in fury at the idea of any of them shooting you and he ever so slightly shook his head to tell them no as subtly as he could without anyone else noticing.
"Move back." The guard commanded at you.
For a moment, you thought about trying to grab the barrel for a last attempt to steal the gun, you knew the speed of your hands would be no match for the trigger on this weapon, but your desire to leave was so strong you considered trying. That was until Player 001's voice sounded out. "(Y/N), listen to them. Come back." You imagined how you would feel if it was him with the gun aimed at his head, the thought of it even too much. So you started to step backwards. The guards kept the guns pointed at you. You could not believe they let you get away with this.
You kept walking backwards, and when your back hit against someone's front, you jumped.
"It's me." Player 001's voice was right in your ear. He grabbed your hand and pulled you behind him. Protecting you again.
-----
"What were you thinking?!" Once the guards had left, In-ho didn't let go of your hand, he pulled you to your bunk with him. He was furious at you for risking your life like that.
"I don't know, I wasn't thinking." You answered him honestly.
"That is clear. That was so stupid, (Y/N)."
"Don't call me stupid."
"Don't be stupid and I won't."
You huffed, crossing your arms as you sat on the side of your bed. "After we lost the vote, I had to try something. I'm not going to make it through another game, I know it. I'm dying tomorrow. That was my last chance to escape."
"I told you, I won't let anything happen to you."
"I know you did, and you got me through today. But we don't know what's coming tomorrow. You can't guarantee that."
Yes I can. He thought, but he couldn't tell you that, not yet. Instead, he let out a deep breath and crouched down in front of you, placing his hands on your knees. He tried to catch your eyes, but you avoided looking at him. "Hey," His hand grabbed your chin, halting your movements and forcing you to look at him. "I can keep you safe if you're next to me. But, with what you did just then to the guards. I have much less of a chance of keeping you safe." But still a chance, he was the Frontman after all. "Do you understand?" He was trying to let you know you would be okay, his role was high and important here.
Plus, after learning Gi-hun's plan for tonight, he had his own plan to finally get you out.
-----
Bullets were flying everywhere, it was chaos, it was loud, it was a war-zone. The third war-zone you'd experienced today. First, it was the game, Mingle. Second, when everyone had started attacking each other when the lights went out. You had hid next to Player 001 during that, your eyes squeezed shut, head tucked away in his neck with his arm around you and his hands covering your ears. Third, was now this. Player 456's plan to take over the games, find the Frontman and end all of this.
Through all of it, In-ho had made sure you were by his side. Currently you were between him and Player 388, who was about to go and get more bullets.
"Dae-ho, are you okay?" You leaned in closer to ask him, you could see on your friends face he wasn't handling this well. He had become more quiet, his face turned pale. You experienced your own panic attack earlier today and you were sure he about too as well.
"Yes." He answered you quietly. It wasn't believable.
Everyone else was too distracted by the fight, busy shooting the guards, but you felt concern for your friend. "I'll go back with yo-"
"No." In-ho interrupted you then, his voice demanding. You turned to look at him and his face was deadly serious. "You are staying with me." He was so close to getting you out, he wouldn't let you go back now. Especially not when bullets were shooting everywhere and you could get hit.
"But, he-"
"He will be fine."
You clenched your jaw tight then.
"(Y/N)," Dae-ho called your name and you turned to look at him, concern displayed all over your face for him. "It's okay, stay here with Young-il. It'll be easier for just one of us to go back than both of us."
You nodded and then leant forward to hug him. "Please be careful."
"I will, you too." He pulled back from the hug to look at you. "I'll see you soon, okay?"
"Okay."
In-ho watched you watch him retreat back. He saw the worry on your face, he knew you cared for him and it made him sick with jealousy. He couldn't wait to get you on your own.
"(Y/N), we have to move now."
Player 456 & 390 went one way while you and Player 001 went another.
He kept his body in a place where it would shield you from the direction the guards were shooting from. Although it seemed that the bullets coming in your direction had significantly lessened. Maybe more guards were on the side Gi-hun had taken.
You hoped they were going to be okay.
Each time you reached a new path that broke off into more than one direction, Player 001 chose which way to go so confidently. You were starting to get anxious at the idea of getting closer to where the people who ran these games were.
"Young-il," you reached out for his hand to stop him.
He halted and immediately turned to you. "Have you been shot?" His eyes scanned over your body, searching for blood.
"No, no," you shook your head. "What's going to happen when we find the people who run this?" You spoke with a panicked tone.
He held your eye contact for a few moments before answering you. "You already have." He admitted.
"What-" Before you had a chance to question or even fully process what he had said, he pulled you into him and kissed you. You allowed him to, more than allowed, you completely welcomed it. Your heart instantly speeding up at the feeling of his skilled mouth on yours.
You were so distracted you didn't see him reach into his pocket for the syringe, he almost felt bad at how easy this was. Almost. He didn't because he had convinced himself this was going to be best for you.
When the needle pricked into your skin, you broke apart from him with a gasp, but his strong arm kept you in place.
"You'll be okay." Was what he told you as your vision very quickly blurred, your body going limp in his hold around you. He scooped you up into this arms.
You attempted to speak, to say anything at all, but you were fast succumbing to what had been injected into you. All you managed to do was let out a little whimper.
"Shh, (Y/N)." In-ho said into your ear, and everything started to go black for you. "Enjoy your rest, baby."
#frontman x reader#lee byung hun x reader#player 001 x reader#lee byung hun#frontman#player 001#the frontman#the frontman x reader#in ho x reader#young il x reader#squid game#squid games#my writings#my writing#writings#writing
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Axolotl
So we all know about Frilliam, don't we? Ford's pet Axolotl, gifted to him by Fiddleford? In case you don't, here is the journal pages from the website (I think?) to remind you.
Anyway, now that that's out of the way. I was thinking about him today. Specifically about this picture:
I couldn't find the colorized version, but you get the idea. Stanley has a pet Axolotl, but this can't be Frilliam, because Ford released him into the creak!
Well, that's such a shame!
Except this doesn't make any sense. Why would Stanley go out and buy a rather expensive pet for himself? These journal pages are discarded, not part of the journal three.
Now, that doesn't make it impossible for Stanley to have found. Just unlikely.
The missing pages where likely destroyed, considering they returned after Weirdmageddon and the book was made whole. I bet those are the only pages Ford found the strength to burn, his pride and shame winning out over his need to maintain his research. Ever the egotistical man. (We love him)
No, I have a much sadder theory for why Stanley has Frilliam. Because I'm sure that must be the same fish, how could it not be?
My best guess is that, once again, its because of Fiddleford.
What if, hypothetically, Fiddleford found Frilliam back in the creak? Maybe the following spring (we're assuming he survived the winter) Fids was wondering around town, not in a very good state of mind. He didn't really remember Ford, but he got a piece of a memory. And that involved finding this little critter and delivering it...Somewhere.
He can't remember where, but grabs Frilliam in a bucket and just lets his feet lead until he gets to the shack, sets it down, and wanders back off into town, immediately lost again. Very sad.
In comes Stanley, coming outside probably in preparation for another tour or seeing the last one off-
And he finds the bucket, thinks its junk, until he sees the sad and poorly cared for little buddy at the bottom in some shitty water.
It looks so sad, maybe missing its tail, and looks like it might die!
So he brings it inside, because he does still have a tank, and gets him set up. He can't just leave it in a bucket to die, poor little thing. Stan's a little bit of a sucker, but he's also lonely. Sue him.
He can't rationalize having a dog or cat or much of anything. Those cost a lot of money because of the adoption fee, vet bills, and oh my god the food! Way too much if he plans on keeping the lights on and saving Stanford!
But a little lizard? It only costs a few extra cents to run the tank all the time. Barely noticeable. The food isn't much, and the stupid runt is kind of cute, so why not keep some company?
It'll either live, or die from its poor state.
Surprise, surprise. Stanley does such a good job it lives. For. Thirty. Years.
And Stan doesn't ever question how he ended up with an immortal pet that never gets worse despite not getting fed sometimes for weeks at a time. This is Gravity Falls! Weirder things have happened!
Just a theory, and a fun sad little snip-bit. I was just thinking about him today. I love him. So much. We where robbed of the Ford and Frilliam reunion after the portal. Wouldn't that be fun to write a one shot of? Stupid Ford. Realize your brother loves you! He even kept your stupid adorable dumb fish alive for three decades!? They make me mad.
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Mind-dump analysis of Sunday and Welt
Non-romantic, though you can see it that way if you want. Basically musings on their dialogue, body language, trauma responses and their views of the world. Based on my noggin, my experiences, and my knowledge on psych and philosophy. Mentions of trauma, and Aventurine. Spoilers for 3.0. Come chat with me about it in the ask box pls oml. (html broke read more link sorry)
So I was writing an Astral Express Sunday headcanon thing, and realised the part with welt I had more thoughts on than I could handle !!! So I decided to make a bigger breakdown of it from my perspective weeee. 1.7k more thoughts...hehe. Includes pics.
So, Sunday is essentially coming into this new world (the astral express lifestyle, the knowledge and involvement of other planets issues, everything not just Penacony) for the first time, and in a vulnerable state at that. He was trained and groomed to be who he was basically his whole life, and not just the positions of power and control, but his position he gave himself also of protector of his sister. That's been taken from him, all of it, his role, his direction, drive, everything. To say the man must feel lost is understatement of the century.
So when he is confronted with Welt Yang, a mysterious and stoic man who displays his intelligence by deciphering there's something up with his disguise, questions him on his motives, etc, but then seemingly confidently starts to trust him, he is...confused?
First, Welt says multiple times that he knows how he feels, he's had to leave a home quickly too, but doesn't elaborate. So his reasons are already determined at least somewhat by his empathy for Sunday. That is a lot for Sunday to work through. He mustn't have really related to anyone in his life, even his sister due to their vastly different experiences despite being in the same spot. To have someone, and quite quickly, especially after what he just did, sympathise, empathise, and relate to him...thats intriguing, and confusing, and probably a bit suspicious.
Further, when going to meet Robin, Sunday outwardly questions why Welt is giving him the privacy to speak to her, refusing to be a bystander for his benefit. Welt answers:
'i believe you're the kind of person that has the ability and desire to use everything to your advantage... but that everything does not involve Miss Robin'
Sunday pauses, and thanks him. It's confusing, unexpected, and yet another puzzle into Welt's character. I think this moment means an incredible amount to Sunday. Ultimately, his sister is everything to him, where everything started, and Welt has given him the space and freedom to do the thing he is so nervous for, he is dreading but must do, one of the hardest things he's probably ever done, say goodbye for an indeterminate amount of time. Who else has probably shown him this sort of seemingly genuine act of kindness, goodness, before? Probably no one. Plus, despite not really outwardly discussing his relationship with his sister with Welt before this, Welt shows an understanding of Sunday's care for her, to the point his usual nature and methods don't apply to Robin.
So that's why Sunday asks another question, after saying goodbye to Robin
He's starting to see himself in Welt, I believe, in some way, when he says 'I had a feeling that you would never give up on someone who needed help' which is reinforced by his 'help' of Sunday just now. But I think what Sunday is maybe confused about here is why him, why here. He is confused why they 'help' him, a 'nortorious fugitive' and a 'friend they never knew', rather than people in new worlds, people he deems perhaps deserve it more, people who he thinks Welt should care about. I believe, here, he is still viewing things zoomed out, from a grand perspective. He sees 'people' as an entity, much like how he did with his plan, saving them from misery by keeping them in the dream. But Welt goes on to explain that it's the people he meets that are his trailblaze, but on an individual and connection scale, not 'helping peopleTM' like he tried to.
And that means Sunday, it means Tingyun. Sunday even asks directly, then, 'why me?', and Welt repeats his previous answer. 'i know how you feel.' despite what he's done, he offers him empathy, help, and connection. It's alien to Sunday. He has heard the worst of people's deeds, was tormented by them, wanted to save them from themselves, yet Welt is just accepting him.
Then another thing, Welt sits in the audience watching Sunday become himself, say goodbye to his old self and everything he once knew, literally becoming whole again, and slightly unsure of how he exactly he will be once both halves combine. This moment is so so intimate, so deeply personal, perhaps the most personal I mean he's literally talking to himself, becoming himself, shedding everything he's ever known, starting a new life. And Welt isn't just watching. He says:
'Regardless of the outcome, you will have a witness. I'll be waiting for you in the audience.'
Here, he does multiple things. One, he is promising Sunday he will be here for him and almost continue to accept him in whatever shape or form after he's done, giving him the respect and time to do his thing, and the support he wasnt planning to get. Its like...almost a threat, saying he wont let him run away after, but not quite. its also a signal of protection. He is staying with Sunday through this obviously terrifying and massive moment, at a safe and respectful but supportive distance, something Sunday was planning to go through alone. Also, he says he'll wait for him. That's so...personal. ugh, it's too much. And the thing is, Sunday lets him, thanks him, wants him to be there. Trusts him enough to see him at almost a most vulnerable point in his life. Crazy stuff.
Plus, during this line, the camera zooms in on Welt's face for just a few seconds, emphasising how big this is.
Now I'm not sure if we should assume Welt can hear everything Sunday says to himself. The theatre is empty, afterall, but I dont know. Sunday says he's scared, says why he's scared, tells himself he doesn't like himself, parts of him. It's so goddamn personal, heart wrenching, truly. And there's a line here I want to discuss quick.
'to save more lives, you must first understand what they live for and what they die for. The best way to achieve this is through personal experience.''
This is a reflection of Welt's words, his reason for trailblazing. It shows he's taken them to heart, ponders them, realises that to truly help people like Welt does, he needs to know them, not see them as an entity from above.
Also, when done, Welt makes a gentle joke that covers the supportive gesture of his acceptance of 'either' of Sunday's selves. He almost dismissed the whole act as if it was casual, while subtly acknowledging it's significance, and gently showing his support, so it all doesn't make Sunday feel uncomfy.
'Well, how should I address you now? Mr Sunday or Mr Wonweek?'
I love it.
Then Sunday has the confidence to request staying with the Astral Express Crew. Knowing the others might hate the idea, but having enough confidence in the fact that Welt at least seems to want him there.
'You are one of my trailblazing goals.'
Sunday looks visibly touched by this statement. the feels.
So let's now skip to the Astral Express, where he's been on a while let's say.
After all this, Sunday and Welt almost have this unspoken deep connection somehow. They have shared a deeply personal moment for Sunday, and Welt has shared more with Sunday about himself than he ever has with anyone on screen that we've seen before.begins to respect Welt Yang quite tremendously really. Sunday now has time to sit, think, reflect, and probably torment himself with thoughts.
I think he has built this ridiculous level of respect for Welt, perhaps more than for most in his life. And also intrigue, confusion. He perhaps observes him. It is obvious Welt has a troubled and mysterious past, the extent of which is unknown but suggested, yet the man has a poise about him that seems stable, secure, confident. It intrigues him, maybe makes him a little envious even that despite this man having no set 'home', travelling the trailblaze with seemingly little control over things Sunday feels he would lose his mind over, he still seems confident in himself.
You ever feel like you're pretty self sufficient and able when alone or most of the time, but theres that one person where you're in their company and it's suddenly like all your brain function has dimmed and been transferred to them and they're now the 'thinker' and 'doer' and you're just there mostly looking pretty?? That's Sunday and Welt sometimes. Sunday was so used to being everything, controlling everything, seeing everything, that now he can relax that, or rather forced to let go of all that, as hard as that is, he finds himself inadvertently letting Welt take over a bit, observing and involving himself but Welt taking the lead. It's perhaps part of a trauma response to having to grow up too fast, to not being able to have had the points in life where you can trust and let someone have control for a while without risk. So as a result of this trust and acceptance he has built with Welt, his brain just sort of...relaxes a little. Welp.
That's displayed well in the infamous 'mom speak to the doctor for me pls' scene, I think. Cute.
Okay it's the end now, I could probably yap more but my thumbs hurt. One more musing though:
I wonder what it would be like for Sunday and Aventurine to meet, after all of that. They, ultimately, had a similar journey in terms of them making a big decision, a big 'attempt' at something bigger than themselves intricately linked to their identities and core beliefs, having to face parts of themselves along the way.
Now that Sunday has shed his 'grandiose' demeanour and plans, I wonder what it would look like for them to meet on equal terms. (Obviously not really knowing how this whole thing will have affected Aven coming out of it).
These two men, as literally mentioned in the 'combining selves' scene for Sunday in the theatre, are fundamentally opposed. One has been made to and has had to build his life and principles on control. One has had no choice to and built his life on luck, lack of control. It's such an interesting dichotomy to me.
There's also this interaction with Welt and Sunday before meeting Robin:
'I had a hunch and decided to try my luck. Seems I can be lucky sometimes'
'its not like you to leave things to luck'
'I'm trying to change too'
It's twice, in this long section, that Aventurine/luck is mentioned, at least. I wonder how he would view him should he know more, and now that he seems to have a certain begrudging acceptance and respect for luck/chance.
OKAY IM DONE FR NOW HAHAHA come discuss with me if u want :3 hope you enjoyed.
Here, take this, its not safe out there
(づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡
#hsr headcanons#hsr#sunday hsr#sunday#hsr sunday#penacony#hsr aventurine#welt yang#welt x sunday#astral express#hsr 3.0#honkai star rail
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horizontober 2023 | 18: tarot
#horizontober2023#horizon forbidden west#hfw#hfwbs#aloy#pls don't come at me if this isn't a good interpretation of this tarot card bc i've never studied tarot T_T#but i looked it up and this is the one that spoke to me (that i thought i'd be able to do in photomode lol)#i actually got pretty into designing the border but it needs a lot more work and then i realized i saved my wip as a flattened image >.<#so....... all my layers are gone. fuck me.#still! i can recreate it without too much trouble (the pattern is an svg in inkscape)#and my quest to make svgs of the whole alphabet imitating the logo 'brushstrokes' on the horizon font continues#i think i've done most letters by now? just missing like q x y z and a few others#i also have a few variants (esp r/h/n) with different ascenders/descenders and some with the gaps in the vertical strokes#if anyone wants a word/title you're welcome to ask me and i'll see what i can do if i have time!
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s2 episode 20 thoughts
oh man! i really loved this episode. no aliens, no overarching plot, just some silly shenanigans and yeah, some murder, but in a far more lighthearted fashion than in other cases. filler episodes i love you soooo much <3
from the beginning, i thought the prompt sounded really good... shoutout to people who work in sideshows and other touring entertainment industries, y’all are real for that
we open with some kids laughing under a full moon… nothing could be scarier… except SOMEONE WATCHING THEM!
and whoever it is, they are approaching the pool with feet out. where are their parents to safeguard them from stranger danger, i ask into my screen!
OH he is the dad!! what was once scary has now turned heartwarming. he splashes about in the pool with them and says they need to get ready for bed. aww.
BUT NOW SOMEONE IS WATCHING HIM IN THE POOL!! NOOO the heartwarming session HAS BEEN CANCELLED... is he being EATEN???
(as he is killed, the camera shows a van with the words “alligator man” on it... at first i'm thinking that the alligator man was the creature who just Ate this guy, but turns out the father WAS alligator man, so named for his skin condition. rest in peace mister alligator, the world is a worse place for ur loss)
and now the agents are looking into his murder :(
(also, in the opening credits, we see that one of the guest stars is named “the enigma”... I’ll have to look into their work)
mulder says there have been a lot of murders in this fashion over the last 28 years, and they have been going all over the country!!! it seems to involve some sort of round bite mark. must be time to go investigate.
they roll up the the alligator man's funeral. honestly it is sad! and we see that the widow slash mother of the kids is a bearded lady and she is absolutely serving but this is a very sorrow-filled moment for them all
and interrupting the moment in which his community remembers the warmth he brought to their town, his casket starts moving… and someone emerges from the ground… and stabs himself in the chest with a spike???? HUH???
so the deceased was an escape artist but was forced into the sideshow circuit because of his skin condition… scully says she didn’t know sideshows were still a thing… which is honestly fair because it is a very vintage sort of entertainment. and they have a Not So Great history.
BUT if the people who live in this town in the summer are all traveling performers.. and if they have been touring for years... and the murders go on for years… hmm, it seems things are starting to add up
mulder notices a drawing of a creature on the menu of the restaurant they are sitting in, and he asks who drew it. why, the sheriff says, it's the artist named hepcat, of course! cut to him tending to his freaky mermaid. he describes his scary maze business as “a tabernacle of terror”
mulder asks what the drawing on the menu was, and i was thinking, hmm, looks like the fiji mermaid, and hepcat says it is the fiji mermaid, and mulder doesn't seem to recognize it?? i assume this is one of those situations where he acts like he doesn't know what is going on to get more information because i feel like that is Exactly the sort of thing he has read about at length. like i had him pegged as a guy who could write a dissertation on the subject at the drop of a hat. so i think he's lying but narrative wise it isn't fully revealed.
scully: “what’s the fiji mermaid?” hepcat: “it’s the fiji mermaid!” <- thanks this clears up a lot <3
mulder is acting surprised to hear that the top half of the fiji mermaid was a monkey, which i again assume to be an act? but he says that the tracks at the murder look monkey-ish. so perhaps there is a correlation...? between the very active murder case and that time PT barnum sewed a monkey and a fish together? hey, the dots aren't connecting for me, but i don't work for the fbi so what do i know
they go to get a place to stay and the guy operating the rental place, a kind and verbose fellow with dwarfism named mr. nutt, gives them their keys. and mulder asks if had worked in the circus, (and since everyone they have met so far has in fact done so, i feel that this was a fair question, but maybe i also deserved what follows), and mr. nutt really lays into him about making judgements, and maybe some people with dwarfism want to manage hotels...
and as all of this goes down scully just observes. wow. she let him flounder. lmao.
the man carrying their bags is named lanny, and he has a conjoined twin sort of situation, it's not entirely clear- but he says mr. nutt got him to work there because he believed it was undignified to work in the circus. hmm.
back to hepcat at his studio… listening to some groovy music... and something crawls in his window… looking like the fiji mermaid. and it BITES him.
next morning. mulder going for a jog. in a sweatshirt and sweatpants in florida heat. what in the hell was he thinking??? let’s analyze that while a man chomping a fish emerges from the river. we receive no real clarification on what is going on in either of their minds.
scully in bed. alerted to a murder by lanny. still in a robe. we get a shot of her chest and also lanny's brother that felt mutually uncomfortable. SMH no rest for her!
okay, examining the scene of the murder. mulder notices some blood on a little window and WHY DID HE TOUCH THE BLOOD NASTY!!!! NASTY!!!
they deduce that to fit in the window, the suspect would have to be a contortionist…. and they walk out to see a contortionist. it’s the spike guy that so disrespectfully ruined the funeral!!
he puts a nail up his nose in front them. and mulder pulls the nail out. probably to get some blood. not an easy watch still.
we learn here that the guy with the puzzle tattoos who was eating the fish in the river earlier is called “The Conundrum”, and the spike guy slash contortionist is dr. blockhead
dr. blockhead gives the conundrum a bunch of crickets and he gulps them up; then he offers crickets to the agents and scully TAKES one, says thanks, eats it, and leaves LMAOOO????? never let them guess your next move....
mulder is staring at her trying to figure out if he is in love with a woman that just ate a cricket and if this is something she does regularly and JUST KIDDING!!! she didn't eat it silly!!! she "reveals" the lil cricket behind mulder’s ear awww... her uncle was a magician <3
(he also does a lil slight of hand trick and pulls out the bloody nail, saying "everyone's uncle was an amateur magician", which i am sure they can bond over at a later date)
scully goes to a museum that says "freaks free, everyone else leave a donation" and she puts in some money… publicly declared non-freak
this guy at the museum is touching her. don’t care for that. but I like that he knows lots of random information. and he won’t show his whole face, we as the audience only see him through mirrors. very cool framing device.
he says he will take her back and show her something of barnum’s for another $5 and sworn secrecy. good luck bucko; last time she was told to keep a secret (affair baby) the SECOND she was reunited with mulder the tea had been spilled LMAOOO. he hands her a paper featuring jim jim the dog faced boy, who, dare i say it, seems to be a king.
he leads her into the back rooms… scary. but her trench coat is serving though
okay, deep in the back is a trunk. and it’s empty and opens an exit door. NOOO she was scammed! it’s all part of the hustle.
(well, that is what i THOUGHT, at least, until she realizes it leads to the sheriff's house, and things are adding up...)
mulder sees something crawling about. it’s the guy who owns the rental space, mr. nutt, under scully's trailer! he asks why he is under there and mr. nutt says he is NOT being creepy. mulder flirts with the man and he runs away LMAO... weaponized bisexuality
agents are in the trailer having a nerd off and it’s not clear who is winning and there is romantic tension. sheriff hamilton used to be jim jim the dog faced boy???? what a reveal!!!
we are watching them watch the sheriff dig a hole during a full moon. average agent bonding activities. he buried something in the ground and goes inside.
they are in his yard digging up what he was just digging and mulder has taken his earlier roasting to heart and says “we’re being highly discriminatory here” and clarifies that’s no reason to suspect him of being a werewolf and it’s like well. i don’t know that we both thought he was a werewolf. they pause to consider the moral weight of their actions then keep going.
uh oh! sheriff catches them!!! not a good look being caught digging something up. “We’re exhuming… your potato” is the best line that usually quick-tongued mulder could come up with, which had me losing my MIND and i proceeded to write a very long keysmash to express my amusement
“may I ask why?” (she starts monologing about serial killers taking positions in law enforcement and needing to monitor him as as suspect, and it’s convincing) (he cuts in: “we found out you used to be a dog-faced boy” STOP THIS IS SOOOO FUNNY) and she looks soooooo guilty!!
he doesn’t deny it and says he started balding on his head which put him out of a job. fair enough, gotta pay the bills.
next genius dialogue exchange: “that doesn’t explain the potato” “I got some warts on my hand” “...that doesn’t quite explain the potato”
(i kept having to pause in rapid succession to write these lines down because i was laughing SO hard)
has anyone thought that maybe a man wants to bury a potato in his yard in peace…. like that’s how we get more potatoes…
“to get rid of warts you rub a sliced potato on your hand and bury it under a full moon” <- new life hack just dropped!!
nooooooo the conundrum is chasing the dog… dog escaped. everyone is pleased. he brings a check to mr. nutt and it’s rent!! king of paying his bills on time. but dog is still barking... NOOOOO MERMAID ATTACK ON MR. NUTT!!!
someone with bloody hands bursts into scully’s room and she must have her gun right by her pillow, and she gets it so fast, but it’s just lanny, saying he found mr. nutt dead... they truly hate to see a hard working entrepreneur in the field of hospitality winning
the pin at the scene looked like something from dr. blockhead, so they go to his house to investigate and he is full of hooks. i made a noise like whAUUUWAUUHWAUH and mulder is looking intensely at what's going on there. blockhead goes on some cultural appropriation bs. um sir this is weird timing bur you are under arrest.
he gets out of the handcuffs- contortionist and escape artist! but the sheriff catches him by the hooks. what a KING! shoutout to this sheriff, formerly jim jim the dog faced boy, can we add him to the team? skinner are you hiring?
just as our agents apprehend their suspect, we see that the mermaid creature is in the room with lanny!!! but... he isn't hurt?
OMG the twin inside him IS THE MERMAID??
lanny confesses to this when he asks how it would be possible to turn his "brother" in without turning himself in...and he thinks the mermaid fellow hates him and is looking for another brother which is so SAD but he says he’ll come back
is anyone concerned about the twin crawling out of lanny? well, mulder knows he isn't the man in charge here: “scully, you’re the medical expert… I believe you” yessir it's good to remember that!
the mermaid brother appears to have run off into the "tabernacle of terror" and mulder trying to hold a little evil mermaid at gunpoint is SO comical
their asses are lost in the maze!!! scully pulls a gun on a rubber skeleton that fell from the ceiling!
she's trapped in a mirror room to serve infinite looks in all directions, and it looks like mermaid baby is caught... she fires.. but it hits the mirror!! baby mermaid brother escaped!!!
at this moment, mulder slides through a trapdoor... and it was SO funny pls tell me there's a gif set of that somewhere because i need it...
baby on the loose... bad news!!! conundrum is being eaten by the baby twin…. but what if he eats him FIRST, i ask myself, and received an answer in the form of baby being gone and conundrum rubbing his stomach!!!! yassss!!! diva down!!!
the next morning, while everyone is searching for mermaid brother, we learn lanny died that evening of a condition related to alcoholism. we learn this while dr. blockhead and the conundrum are getting ready to leave.
and dr. blockhead's going on about the future, and how nature needs freaks, and in the 21st century everyone will look perfect… "just like him" (points to Mulder majestically posing by a trailer) LMAOOOOOO “imagine going through your whole life looking like that!!!” <- yeah it must be really hard....... /s
at last, conundrum and blockhead are taking off into the great unknown... scully points out he doesn't look too good…. CONUNDRUM TALKS???? “probably something I ate", he says. LMAOOO his voice is sooo normal 😭😭😭
this episode had me laughing. we really had it all: exhuming a potato, scully's valiant attempts at lying, mulder hitting on a guy, lessons in ableism and judgement, a man who eats crickets and fish, flirting over case details, a dog, scully doing magic, mulder running in the florida heat dressed like it was a new england winter. truly i have nothing that could be added.
and did i have a secret evil mermaid twin on my list of probably monsters of the week? no, i cannot say that i did! was it the most compelling or scary of creatures? not really! but i was filled with whimsy. cannibalism saved the day. an excellent episode, and a perfect contrast to earlier in the season when scully was literally About To Die and i was crying a lot over the whole thing. ah, the duality of TV shows!
#(it only took me like 50 episodes to realize… that i can just copy and paste the notes from my phone into mobile#save it as a draft#and then edit that from my laptop… wow… this could be a game changer……………)#wow. a moment of silence for all the time i spent re-typing my notes by hand when the simplest option was Right There.#and in all i don't think it saved me a whole lot of time- still took like 40-50 minutes- but this method felt a lot easier#and i Will be making use of this tactic moving forward#anyway. i had a good time. laughed a lot. more silly eps pls pls pls i like the mixture of them!!!#still don't believe he didn't know about the fiji mermaid though like i cannot imagine that it is even possible... he just lies sometimes#also still laughing at mulder hitting on mr nutt completely unprompted.#he likes someone who will yell at him a lil bit LMAO#juni's x files liveblog#2x20#the x files#txf
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kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....
#bungou stray dogs#been thinking a lot about chuuya lately (shocking for me i know (said with no sarcasm truly lmao it is rare for me))#cause of the 15 manga and also playing the fucking jeht quest in genshin impact ugh (where's the one dual genshin bsd fan who Understands)#but like this pressure has been building up for chuuya for so long due to being used and manipulated by all these people#first the sheep then mori then verlaine then still mori now#he was groomed since childhood just like dazai#but unlike dazai he didn't have an oda to help him get out of the mafia........ he's still stuck there#and his personality is different from dazai's. dazai was more self-aware imo (but still a groomed emotionally abused kid don't get me wrong#but chuuya's whole thing is needing to belong and wanting a leader to be loyal to but ending up in positions of leadership himself#which makes him feel pressured but he accepts and stifles any negative feelings just because he wants to belong#and all this crushed him with the events in the light novels and yeah he went through character growth but he's...... Still In The Mafia...#and that fucking scene asagiri added to the cannibalism stage play i don't think hardly anyone even knows about bc IT'S NOT DISCUSSED ANYMO#where mori emotionally manipulates him with the flags!!! and it deeply hurts him!!! and he presumably deals with that shit all the time!!!#it is WORRISOME. it WORRIES ME okay.#chuuya doesn't have anyone who can save him from the mafia (dazai is in no position to okay; it's all he can do just to try to save himself#and it's so so scary. it spells awful things for him.#didn't asagiri say he'd have a rough path or something??? and he added that fucking scene in the play!!! it haunts me!!#i fully expected this shit to hit a turning point in the meursault arc but we can't have nice things i guess#and as for kunikida a;lskdfl (took me this long to get to him oop) literally the ending of Entrance Exam (the novel) is just#One Big Foreshadowing for Kunikida's downfall#he's compared to the azure king for a reason. Sasaki saw the azure king in him for a reason. it's fucking worrying!!!!!#there hasn't really been anything like that since in the manga (just like for chuuya lol ugh) but he's TERRIBLE at coping with his trauma#and it only gets more apparent once shit hit the fan in the doa/hunting dogs/meursault arc#it's not good!!! i'm worried for kunikida too!!!!#even if the manga isn't focusing on this these worries are always in the back of my mind man#both kunikida and chuuya are doomed to hit some kind of breaking point eventually and i await those moments with dread yet anticipation#i want dazai to be able to save kunikida from the despair being too good a person brings the way he couldn't save oda#and chuuya.... if we get a scene with him & mori mirroring the one in dark era where dazai finds out that mori orchestrated the kids' death#oh man i think i'll fucking die (give it to me i need to cry)
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i think twelve and clara are starting to make sense to me but i don't think it's what moffat intended or how the ppl that like them see their dynamic
#they are so obsessed with each other but not as people but the ideas of each other.#twelve's whole character to me feels like the grieving immortal that no longer has anything as a buffer#between him and the weight of the universe. so he sees clara as this culmination of every one of the companions he's lost before#and that adds up. what w/ eleven meeting versions of clara and seeing them die. that adds up w/ clara's presence in heaven sent#faceless and just telling him what to do. she is the companion he cannot fail this time (but he also#cannot reconcile how one of the reasons he keeps someone like her around is /because/ she's mortal)#meanwhile clara bc of her time in the tardis and how she was treated by eleven. thinks herself to be more than she is#she thinks she's owed so much in her life and she thinks she can handle all of it. like ten in waters of mars#so she views twelve and the life in the tardis as an affirmation of what's so extraordinary about her#which is also how she sees danny. i think her character really sings if this is the main idea w/ her relationships with others#bc it's how the doctor acted around her when he first met her. not seeing her as a person but as an idea a mystery a means to an end#so of course as someone who becomes more and more like the doctor as time goes on it makes so much sense that this would be so central#just like how w martha's doctorfication arc it was about self-sacrifice and violence and death. bc that's how ten acted around her#twelve and clara still have the standard traits of doctor and companion of course. the doctor saves the companion when they're in trouble.#the companion remembers to care when the doctor forgets. but they're going through familiar motions as they#start to lose more and more of themselves by being around each other. bc they don't really see the other person#and that's why their dynamic is so obsessive and toxic#dr who#12 era#now this reading has made both characters make a lot of sense to me but also this has tanked my enjoyment of hell bent#in how clara's arc resolves. i won't elaborate more on that until i actually get to it on the rewatch though
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:)
#A nice episode :) I have a lot of headache tho and forgot everything I wanted to say#The ss/kk is nice :) It's nice every time Akutagawa spontaneously saves Atsushi seemingly with no reason to#The animation was very nice! It's evident a lot of money and effort went into this season and these last episodes in particular#And I like the art style a lot better than the one in the other seasons. Even season 4 where the animation is comparatively as good#What more. The Kyouka screentime is nice. The whole Guild aftermath celebrations section is very nice and heartwarming to watch#I still take a lot of issues with the entire way Kyouka's entrance exam was conceived but I think they're fairly self-explanatory.#Also fundamentally coherent with b/sd's general worldviews so#But even then there's a line that bothers me to an unexplainable amount from the first time I watched it to now.#The “it hurts” when she's hugging Atsushi. And I've reflected over that line so long from the moment I first heard it...#I think. Its meaning is to symbolize how being in the light sometimes will still result to be too overwhelming for Kyouka–#to the point at times it will still end up hurting her. But that doesn't make it any less worth it#So to say‚ there's no such thing as perfect happy endings. But she is going to be okay nonetheless#BUT IT STILL BUGS ME. I feel like it's part of a school of thought for whom we should just accept the fact that there's evil in the world–#that we can't eradicate. And nothing can be done about it. Which I don't think is a functional or useful way of thinking?#ALSO I know it's. Most definitely‚ 99% not how the scene is supposed to be interpreted#BUT ATSUSHI IS THE ONE HUGGING AND THUS HURTING HER and you know how there is this very slight narrative that seemingly–#frames Kyouka and Atsushi as romantic partners and like... Idk.#In that context the line almost feels expression of a narrative of wives having to bear pain that is natural and unavoidable.#I know this definitely wasn't the intended meaning it's just a bad impression for some reason I can't be able to shrug off even after years#But don't listen to me#I don't think there's anything else to add. Overall a very good episode.#Take a shot every time someone says “all according to Dazai's plan”#random rambles
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.
#i don't really want to make a whole post about it because it was a very personal and very miserable time for me#but genuinely#the thing that got me wanting to move on again and LIVE after my life plans all fell apart last year#was sitting down and very seriously thinking about the kind of woman i want to be when i'm 70#i hit that thing that a lot of people in their mid-twenties are hitting right now#where it feels like we've already wasted everything and not only are we failures now but we will always BE failures until we die#but right now i'm still in my twenties#and when i thought about what a good lifespan looked like to me#70-ish seems about right#and what do i want to have when i'm 70#what skills will be useful and beyond that#what skills will be fun#i had gotten into a mindset of “too late too late”#learning to draw#or sing#or dance#or fix a car#or ride a motorcycle#they all felt like learning NOW would be pointless because *melodramatically* aLL my YoUtH HaS bEEn WaStEddd#but unless God has another plan i'm not going to die in my twenties#i'll likely live many more decades#my life probably isn't even half-way over yet#what do i want to be when i'm 70?#it doesn't matter that i don't know everything yet#i have more than four decades to work on it#that's more than the entirety of the life i've already lived#and yeah#i spent five years at a dead end job that finally drove me almost to a breakdown#but even that wasn't a waste#i saved enough to go to school and i learned a lot while i worked there
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yikes yikes yikes
#somehow sent an earlier version of a document to my supervisor instead of the final one#so of course got feedback with all this stuff I missed and stuff#a lot of which I did not miss! it was right in my final version that you inexplicably didn't get?????#for simplicity I told her I must have forgotten to save the final version but I don't think that's true!#I think I have been betrayed by word and/or dropbox!!!#bc it said on there the last time saved was right before I sent it to her#so then riddle me this: how were NONE of the changes I made today in the version that she got#WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS I just know the whole time she was reviewing it she just thought I was an idiot#and probably still does#the worst thing is that could totally sound like me making up an excuse bc I didn't want to admit that I had just missed a bunch of stuff#BUT IT'S TRUE#and I don't even know how to prevent it from happening again#smh maybe I'll start emailing each document to myself before I send it to anyone else#AHHHHHH I feel like a lot of my recent assignments have kind of been flops for various unrelated reasons but stacked up it's not a good loo
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last minute pre-grandparent-visit room deep cleaning has revealed that within the drawer i tend to assume just has old, off generic birthday cards and theater/concert programs there are also many, many going away cards and letters and things from the last couple of times i moved away. i guess i always thought of it as such a lonely thing, and i talk a lot about how i don't think i made Real friends until recently, and not to get choked up on main or anything but i think maybe i was completely fucking wrong
#Real friends = deep friends and admittedly it's hard to have deep connections with ppl when you're like 10#and also hard to have deep connection with people when you don't understand yourself at all (bc how could you share it?)#but i was so profoundly loved.#and it's not like the bday cards and stuff aren't a part of that they're just so.. obligatory? whereas such cards from friends is. guhhh#like they missed me. maybe they still do at least a little bit. ahhhhhhh#like i was a shithead but i meant something to a lot of good people and so many of these aren't from just one person#they're a bunch of them coming together and bringing along inside jokes i only half remember and drawing my fucking ocs like GUYS.#GUYS I LOVE YOU GUYS. i may not remember all of you but you were like. goddd i think you made this bearable#and im so glad i saved these. i didn't know there were so many#speaking of which i also found THREE count em THREE decks of cards i know for a fact i have never used bc i have a favorite deck and it's#not those. what off the wall madness was i planning where i needed three non-matching decks of cards within sleep-reach at all times#anyway im reorganizing bc like 10% of that drawer was stuff i actually needed regularly (literally Just the knives) and it's a nightstand#so it should be like. stuff i frequently need like pens and junk. idk#like it's not as if i don't think about how my moving away hurt ppl like i've been abandoning ppl against my will my whole life#but i guess ive been thinking of it as some kind of responsibility or guilt thing? or painful in a me-centric way. they sent me off#with well wishes though they poured their hearts into these. they drew and printed photos and made little crafts bc they loved me#and that's what you do when someone you love has to go away. waughhhhgghhghbn
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I love my friends
#i think im just going to talk in the tags for a moment. got a lot on my mind#for starters. the fnaf movie comes out soon. really looking forward to that. think its gonna be awesome and amazing and I'm super excited!!!#secondly. waiting on funds so i can buy that mask i saw the other day and some Halloween candy from Walmart#i . want to do little goodie bags for the kids in my building. but im too scared to go up to their parents and ask candy preference and#allergy concerns. so. idk. maybe I'll just save it. I think it's a cute concept but it makes me feel like my mother.#she loved to do little gift things for people. but it was always people that didn't like her. i don't want to be that way#i know my value. i know my time and energy means something. i don't want to waste it on people who don't give a shit. ya know?#not saying the kids are those kinds of people. not what i mean. but just as an overall thing. i don't like being like her.#...yeah. i dunno. you get raised by one person your whole life. you pick up some of their characteristics#i can't sob without sounding like her. safe to say i am a little emotionally constipated. so i seek other means to relieve that feeling.#like yesterday when i threw up. i played it off like that was a blunder on my body. but i know what i did.#hey. at least it's not the other method. right?. .. yeah. okay. i know. not great either#but it hurts. and I'm so fucking sick and tired of crying over her. genuinely. it's exhausting crying all the time#but that's the only way I can get those emotions out#I've tried to do the counseling thing. but other things made that impossible. then i moved.#and i tried the grief thing but instead i just got a talking buddy? he helps me get out of the house yeah.#but we dont talk about her#... i dunno. I'm just here.#guess i waited long enough. now you get a mini secret. every time i make an i love my friends post. I'm reminding myself why I'm still going#I'm usually sitting around somewhere in my apartment (desk couch bed) crying. alone. thinking about you guys.#so uh. thank you.#i love you guys so much. and i don't know where I'd be without you#probably dead.#💖#vent
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no, actually, where is the whimsy?
my ex had a best friend named larry who asked me once: what do you think comes after irony?
we were at the bar where larry worked. it was a quiet night, and he'd hopped over to sit with us on the patron side. i swirled the lemon around my limoncello martini.
earnest positivity, i said, while my ex said, art self-destructs.
i stared at my ex. he stared at me.
his argument was the cinemasins argument: look how bad media is becoming! look at the loopholes and the dumb shit!
it was roughly 2011. galaxy print was still in. at the time, i had a favorite shirt that was a wolf howling at the moon. it got ripped in half in the wash and i honestly still mourn it. i dressed like effie stonem, because everyone did. and irony was the name of the thing. men liked MLP "ironically." the internet liked the kind of crass, "anti-mainstream" vibes of things like fuck romance, touch my butt and buy me pizza. we put cats in sunglasses everywhere, which was because we only liked things in irony.
and media had the same vibe in it: anti-hero white men would be "hard to love" and then storm off the scene. nobody was just earnestly trying to save the world: they were jaded, angry, unoriginal. mad you even asked them to try to help.
my ex ends up not being wrong. cinemasins becomes super popular. a lot of people start viewing media with this lens that is the cruelest, most jaded depiction. it's wrong for your character to have unexplained powers, even if the entire movie is about how strange it is she has unexplained powers - that is still considered a "loophole." characters make thoughtless, panicked choices? loophole. characters are actually kind people, despite hardship? loophole. features a woman doing literally anything without assistance? loophole. movies become hyper-aware of scrutiny, and now irony rules the media.
which means you go to a movie, and the character has to turn to the screen and say "beats me!!" or one of the side characters has to have some kind of quip like "are you seriously telling me that you think this is normal?" because nothing can happen in earnest. like a sitcom laugh track, we now anticipate the fourth-wall break: the moment that the media acknowledges it is telling a story. the media has to apologize for itself, or else someone like my ex rolls their eyes.
but here's the thing: i wasn't wrong either.
the difference might be that i am (and always have been) so soft-hearted that any crack in the light of this world will spear me into the ground. and i was the poet in the relationship. (he thought that was the same thing as being naïve and stupid). i was making things daily. i knew how all of us artists are driven by some strange desire to evolve. he notably liked to critique art, not to create it.
so yes, i've made things that are bitter and angry and even ironic. i've made long, sharp poems with all capital letters, and i've made poems about how the silence stretches out like a song. someone wrote once that we will spend our whole lives just circling the place we grew up. i think it's more that we spend our whole lives trying to remake a home. i think it's that as we age, it becomes less exciting to build the castle on the beach - we become aware of erosion, of windforce. we realize what we really want is to come home to our dog, castle or not.
and while art in the foreground is mired in white male violence and irony, and aggression, and not taking anything seriously - i don't think that's true of all art. i think more and more artists are leaning in to the things we love. the world has changed so much. they have taken so many things from us. the only thing we have left is love. at the bottom of the moving box - all we get is the faint sense that we have to appreciate what little we've got. i can't enjoy this stuff ironically anymore: what room do i have for irony? if it makes me happy, that is an amazing thing. there are so few happy places left for me. i want to be happy because of how leaves shiver beside each other like nestling birds. i want to be happy because of the color pink, and how magenta doesn't exist. i have spent so much of this life suffering, i have earned my right to a gentle ending. if nothing matters, i get to assign meaning to the nothing. i get to create meaning. i am an artist first and foremost, which means creation is my thing.
where is the whimsy? wherever i fucking put it. because if this is my last fucking chance to do any good in this world - i want to do it earnestly. i want to write things that make you happy. that make people feel heard and seen. what comes after irony has to be positivity.
it was close to my 21st birthday. in 7 years, i would end up writing a book about this relationship, which is hopefully coming out somewhere around May 2024. i come back to this bar scene in my memories a lot. i keep thinking of how pale my ex was. the look that crossed his face. how i looked back at him. how for a moment, both of us couldn't recognize the other person. like the gulf between us was a suddenly wide and cavernous thing. like we were alien to each other. he never took my opinion seriously, and he always seemed surprised whenever his manic-pixie-dream-girl ever broke free of the plot. like in the whole time we were together, i wasn't human enough.
this knowledge: where he said nothing comes after, my only instinct was what comes after is love.
#spilled ink#writeblr#this is a real story lol#looking back i liked larry as a person SO much more than my ex hollyyyyy shitttt#compulsory heterosexuality will do you DIRTY#edit to correct effies name my apologies to effie and effies family
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Types of lingerie they'd go a little feral over — plus-size!fem!reader x cod characters
Includes: Price, Soap, Ghost, Gaz, König, Graves, Alejandro, Rudy, Valeria
CW: mid/plus-size reader, photos of people wearing lingerie!, mentions of sex/sexual activities
Photos are not indicative of reader's body type/skin colour/other physical attributes! Just meant to be examples, but us bigger girls deserve some rep on here (but also why is it so hard to find cute pics of mid/plus-size girlies that aren't ads or extremely edited?)
All rights go to owners of the photos! I tried to crop out their faces as best I could <3
John Price
Price would love anything feminine. He adores when you play into his housewife kink, parading around the house in babydoll dresses and fur-lined robes (preferably sheer). He wouldn't even bother with taking the pieces off once he gets his hands on you, simply pulling and adjusting where necessary. Not above ripping either, but don't worry, he'll gladly buy you some new sets. Maybe he should get you some of those crotchless panties, poppet, would save him a lot of hassle.
Johnny 'Soap' Mactavish
Listen, as much as he loves it seeing you all dolled up, there is nothing that gets him going quicker than you in some raggedy, hole-ridden comfy clothes, preferably when they're his. His boxers framing your plump ass so nicely, digging into your flesh a bit when you move and his shirt doing nothing to hide the jiggle of your tits while your nipples poke through the fabric. If he sees you like this, his hands are all over you in a split second. God forbid your shirt is cropped, showing off your soft tummy and the underside of your breasts — you couldn't pry him off with a crowbar.
(you cannot tell me Johnny doesn't own some dumbass boxers like this)
Simon 'Ghost' Riley
In fear of repeating myself, I think Simon would also go a little dreamy-eyed over you in your comfies. Except, unlike Johnny, he loves those sweet little pj-sets you wear. He's still a little taken aback every time he comes home to you curled up on his — your — couch. The realization that he has something this sweet to come home to — that he has a home at all, hitting him like a freight train. Like Price, doesn't bother taking your pajamas off when he pounces on you. Just makes it easier for him to tuck you into bed after he's done with you.
Kyle 'Gaz' Garrick
Garters, belts, straps, buckles, the whole thing. And best believe he's the one picking them out, too. You'll randomly find boxes on your bed, the contents in different styles, colours, fabrics. He insists you model them for him, or send him pictures if he's deployed. The sets are an absolute nightmare to get into, but he'll gladly help you take them off, darlin'. Don't mind him though, if he snaps a photo or two in the process. Also loves it when you wear lingerie as part of an actual outfit. What can I say, the man loves showing you off (with the knowledge he's the only one that gets to see the full sets and everything underneath them later).
König
Anything resembling some cheap halloween costume from party city. It honestly doesn't matter to him what; sexy secretary, naughty nurse, you name it. Literally whatever. He will lose his mind a little if you go as far as to engage in some roleplay pertaining to whatever you're wearing — acting like he's your boss or your patient. Oh, a pair of animal ears can and will make his eyes roll back in his head. (He will, however, ensure that your outfits are of relatively good quality — they've gotta outlast a least a few rounds, Schatzi).
Philip Graves
Ugh, he's so nasty (affectionate). He wants you to look hyper-feminine. His perfect little all-american wife (even if you've never set foot in the usa, or don't yet wear a ring on your finger) in her hyper-feminine lingerie, waiting for her soldier to come home. Frilly bras, lacy undies and silky night dresses in white or pink or any pastel shade. He gets off on the innocence they exude — makes him want to ruin you. And then wife you up. Maybe give you a baby or two.
Alejandro Vargas
Corsets!!! Or anything somewhat structured, really. This man adores the shape of your body no matter what, and the way the corset only accentuates the curve of your waist and pushes your tits up so deliciously has him rock fucking hard. If you choose to add some thigh-highs to that with the plush fat of your thighs spilling over the edge you may as well have killed him. He also has this weird infatuation with the marks the corset leaves on your skin after you (or he) take it off.
Rodolfo 'Rudy' Parra
This poor man nearly faints the first time you wear lingerie for him (and pretty much every time after that). It doesn't particularly matter to him what it is, but he does like it when you stick to the classics: simple lacy bra and panty set. He likes that it makes you feel confident and (relatively) comfortable, as your comfort is always his number one priority. He also just thinks the simplicity of the sets helps accentuate the beauty of your body, rather than distract from it.
Valeria Garza
Anything expensive. Like, crazy expensive. She has the money, amor, why not spend it on something she enjoys? She'll make sure you only wear the highest quality fabrics (and that goes for all your clothing, by the way, she likes taking care of her girl). There are diamonds glittering all over your body, highlighting all your curves and twinkling with every move you make, and a nice string of pearls disappearing between your folds.
(I couldn't find ANY photos of this type of lingerie on bigger bodies, my apologies. Rest assured Valeria will get everything custom-made for you — remember, only the best for her girl)
#group posts#cod x reader#cod mwii#cod modern warfare#ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#soap x reader#johnny mactavish x reader#price x reader#john price x reader#gaz x reader#kyle garrick x reader#konig x reader#könig x reader#graves x reader#philip graves x reader#alejandro x reader#alejandro vargas x reader#rudy x reader#rodolfo parra x reader#valeria garza x reader#valeria x reader#cod imagine#141 x reader#task force 141 x reader#task force 141#simon ghost x reader#call of duty#captain price#ghost
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Hey Danny!
A lot of people are asking for another Ito Yuki fic, and you mentioned you don't have any ideas. This isn't really a request, rather a suggestion...
Is Ito Yuki the jealous type? If he is...
So male reader is known as a player, right?. And basically, the idea is that his past conquests confront him, "why do I still see you with Ito Yuki when it's been more than a week?" And all that was happening. People also happen to continually confess to reader... This kinda builds up and leads to jealous sex, I guess? Oh, and you mentioned Ito Yuki also getting confessions, so maybe reader gets jealous, or Ito Yuki is trying to get reader jealous...
Idk, all this revolves around jealousy lol
It's all up to you-
Sorry if this isn't appealing in any way to you, just ignore me!
-♠️
ఌ 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐁𝐎𝐘
w.c › 9.1k
warning › This is an OC. His first post. Reader last name is Yoshida. Slut shamming. Homophobia. Decided to make jealousy more angsty/sad
plot › It’s been a month since you’ve been dating Ito Yuki, it’s great but you soon find out everyone in school isn’t exactly happy about that.
kinks › praise, manhandling, semi-public sex, marking, creampie
ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-
“You’re joking. No way in hell you’re no longer single!”
You smiled smugly, puffing out your chest.
That’s right, you, resident playboy, was officially taken. Your friends, Sana and Ryun stared at you for a moment before they began to laugh. You frowned as they continued laughing, obviously not believing you.
“It’s true!” You whined, pouting your lips. “It—Yuki even said he’s been into me since our freshman year!”
“Why would he be into you?” Ryun asked, wiping at a stray tear from his face. It couldn’t be that funny!
Sana sighed, rubbing at her chest. “Yeah, no offense, Yoshida-Kun, but you aren’t exactly relationship material!”
“I can be relationship material.” You muttered, mainly to yourself. Usually you never felt attacked by Ryun and Sana’s words but this time you couldn’t help feeling oddly offended.
Were you really not relationship material?
A knock on the door caused you to turn your attention to the front of the classroom. Everyone in the classroom got ready to sit as the teacher began to start the lesson.
But you couldn’t pay attention. Well it’s not like you ever do.
All you could think about was Sana and Ryun’s words.
When it was finally lunch, you shot up from your desk, startling Ryun and Sana. You grabbed your bento box and sent them a playful wink.
“I got a date! Enjoy lunch without me, losers!” You teased, rushing out of the classroom. Your feet pattered against the ground as you practically dodged every student who got in your way.
A wide grin spread on your lips when you came face to face with your date: Ito Yuki. He was standing by the stairs, looking down at his phone when he heard your loud footsteps.
He glanced up to see you sprinting to him with the widest smile ever. Your cheeks hurt as you waved excitedly. Yuki only lifted his hand slightly to wave before you skid to a stop right in front of him. Well, tried to. It was hard to stop on recently mopped floors.
“Watch out!” You cried out, anyone in your path quickly moving to the side.
Just as you were ready to tumble down the stairs, Yuki easily caught you by the collar of your sweater. You let out a sigh of relief as he tugged you back up. Yuki raised an eyebrow as you gave him a thankful grin.
“Aw~ You saved me!” You giggled, teasingly poking his cheek. To anyone else, Yuki must’ve looked annoyed but for the whole month you two have been dating, you could see the slight smile on his lips.
“You can’t run in the halls,” he said, spoken like a true student council president. You only gave him an apologetic smile. You’d run in the halls again.
“Rooftop?”
“Mhm.”
You grabbed Yuki’s wrist and began tugging him up the stairs to the rooftop. He followed right behind you, occasionally telling you to slow down or you’d trip. The rooftop wasn’t empty with a few other students eating there but you didn’t care.
As you glanced around, trying to decide a perfect spot, Yuki subtly grasped your hand. You looked over as he guided you to a more secluded area. It was on the side of the entrance. Everyone else sat more to the middle of the rooftop.
You plopped down onto the ground as Yuki knelt down beside you. The two of you didn’t say anything for the first few minutes as you ate in silence.
With anyone else, you would’ve felt odd.
But with Yuki, sitting in silence was calming.
“Ah.” You hummed, swallowing a big bite you took of your onigiri. “What do you want to do when we reach our six month anniversary?”
“Hm. I’ll think about it.” Yuki said, reaching over to wipe something off your cheek. “You eat like a child. How did you get some people to sleep with you.”
You grinned, using your free hand to tug down your sweater to show off your collarbone. “With my sexy looks~”
“Cover up or I’ll fuck you right here.”
“Yuki!” You blushed. It was hard getting used to the fact Yuki was more perverted than he let on. You’d think being a playboy would meant you’d have a higher sex drive but it honestly felt like Yuki was insatiable.
“The school festival is in four days. What is your class doing?” Yuki asked, changing the subject. You fixed your sweater before stealing an egg roll from Yuki’s bento box. He only smacked your hand away when you tried to reach for another one.
“We’re doing a monster themed cafe! I’m going to be a werewolf barista.” You said, grinning.
“Will you wear a maid outfit?”
“Pervert… No. I’m a barista! I’ll be in pants.”
Yuki looked disappointed. You only shook your head. The two of you continued eating lunch talking about random things before the warning bell rang. You mentioned skipping to Yuki and he practically stared at you as if you said you wanted to kill his mother.
When you two walked downstairs, you were about to walk away to your classroom when Yuki gripped your arm. You hummed, looking back to ask what was wrong when lips pressed against yours.
Your eyes widen as you stared at him, unable to kiss back. He pulled away and his usual slight smile pulled on his lips.
“Wait for me by the school gate after classes. I’ll walk you home.” He said.
“Don’t you…”
“I’ll skip.”
You watched as he walked away, entering his classroom. You would’ve stayed standing there until the bell rang again. That was your cue to quickly get to class.
Though you only thought about Yuki the entire time. You two weren’t exactly hiding your relationship but Yuki was heavily against public affection and you weren’t going to push it. The most he did was hold your hand.
That was the first time he ever kissed you in public, even if the hallway was empty when he did. The fact he did made you giddy.
To think you were missing out on the little things by only being with people for just a week.
You had previously feared you’d get tired of Yuki but you didn’t want to leave him at all.
Ito Yuki had your heart at this point.
You absentmindedly doodled little hearts on your workbook, not noticing sharp eyes watching you.
ཆི❤︎ཆྀ
“Hey, ready to walk home?” Ryun asked.
You shook your head, a giddy smile on your face as you clutched your school bag close to your chest. “No can do! I’m going home with Yuki. See ya!” You didn’t wait for him or Sana to answer, rushing out of the classroom.
There was a pep in your step as you changed your school shoes to your sneakers, humming to yourself. You closed the shoe locker shut, turning around only to gasp to see someone behind you.
“Holy!!! Katori..?” You whispered, staring at the boy in shock. A nervous smile pulled on your lips as you bowed your head in a polite greeting.
Katori was one of your former dates. It lasted the usual week back in your second year. Though it had gotten a bit awkward when he ended up being in your class this year. Always so awkward when that unfortunately happened.
He was handsome, that’s why you had sought him out. Tanned skin from playing baseball. An average height of 175 cm (nothing compared to Yuki’s 183 cm). Spiky black hair and sharp eyes.
You and Katori haven’t exactly talked. Well you usually never talked to any of your past dates. Too awkward. Katori’s face looked slightly angry? His eyebrows were furrowed while his jaw was clenched.
“Are you okay…?” You asked, tilting your head.
“I saw you with Ito Yuki.” Was all he said, his gaze narrowed in on you.
“Really?” You muttered, confusion written on your face. “What—?”
“—He kissed you. It’s been over a month since you asked him out.”
“You saw that?”
“It was out in the open.” Katori looked at you as if you were an idiot. “Besides that, why are you and Ito still together? Didn’t you tell me you don’t date?”
You frowned. “What? Why does that matter now? I told you that last year. I can change.”
The sound of banging caused your body to freeze up as Katori slammed his fist against the shoe lockers behind you. You stared at him with wide eyes, feeling the remaining students look at the outburst in shock.
“Someone like you changing? Listen here, I don’t know if you know this, but Ito is a friend of mine. I don’t want you leading him on when all you’ve ever been was the school’s resident slut, got it?”
A friend? Yuki was friends with Katori? You never noticed. You were a bit self-centered at times but Yuki never really mentioned his friends to you. Ryun and Sana had other friends that you don’t remember the faces of.
“Resident slut..?” You whispered. You knew your reputation wasn’t exactly the best but was that what everyone thought of you? The fact no one was even helping, just staring at you was telling enough.
Did even Sana and Ryun feel that way about you?
“Katori.” A voice called out, catching everyone’s attention. Everyone looked over to see Yuki walking over. You could see Sana and Ryun right behind him, a shocked look on their faces.
You almost felt embarrassed.
Katori pulled away from you. “Ito—”
“—Just because schools over doesn’t mean you can’t get in trouble for fighting.” Yuki said, moving to stand in front of you. A thankful sigh left you as you felt safe with Yuki acting like a barrier.
“Seriously?” Katori rolled his eyes. “Are you dating him, Ito?”
“Yes.” Gasps rung through the students. You couldn’t help but grin. Yuki didn’t even hesitate.
“I never thought you’d fall for his nonsense. Sleeping around with everyone in the school, he probably has diseases by now.” Katori shook his head. A few snickers were heard. Your cheeks flushed in embarrassment as you stared down at your sneakers.
“Yet you slept with him during your second year, having known his reputation. I’m not childish enough to care.”
Katori looked up at Yuki in shock. “Are you—? Are you seriously defending him?”
“He’s my boyfriend. You were my friend.” Yuki reached behind himself and grabbed your hand, tugging you forward. He reached down and kissed your forehead. “Mind your own business next time, Katori-San.”
With that, Yuki opened his shoe locker and changed into his outdoor shoes. He didn’t even spare anyone else a glance as he dragged you out the school’s front door. It took a moment before you began to keep up with his brisk pace.
The walk home was silent but somehow still comfortable.
It wasn’t until you were only a minute away from your home that Yuki finally said something.
“Are you okay? I’m sorry he embarrassed you.”
You hummed. “It’s okay… I’m guessing he saw you kiss me in the hallway. I hope I don’t bring down your reputation.”
“I don’t care about my reputation if it comes with the cost of hurting you.”
Your eyes widen as you glanced up at Yuki, your cheeks feeling warm. Yuki was staring straight ahead, his hand tightening its’ grip on yours.
The rest of the walk home was quiet—you couldn’t say anything. You reached your house just a second later. Just before you walked inside, you leaned on your toes to press a kiss on Yuki’s lips before rushing inside.
It felt as if your heart was beating out of your chest after kissing him. You felt happy.
But despite his reassurance, you couldn’t help but think about what happened earlier.
Did.. everyone really view you with such disgust..?
ཆི❤︎ཆྀ
The school festival was in two days. Your class was excitedly getting ready for the monster themed cafe. You were helping a classmate pick out what sweets he should get to sell when Sana tapped you on the shoulder.
You excused yourself, following her out of the classroom. Ryun was standing there as well, a frown on his face. This couldn’t be good.
You three haven’t exactly been on talking terms.
It was childish to not talk it out with them but you weren’t exactly in the mood. Or at the very least you wanted some time to gather your thoughts before bringing it up to them.
Looks like you’d get your chance.
“You’ve been avoiding us.” Sana said bluntly, crossing her arms across her chest. “What gives?”
“Yeah, are you embarrassed about what happened on Monday with Katori? It’s nothing new.” Ryun sighed. Sana quickly glared at him as you tilted your head.
“Nothing new..? What do you mean?”
Sana shook her head. “People have been talking behind your back since second year.” She admitted. “No one has ever said it out loud to your face before though.”
“You guys knew and didn’t tell me?”
Ryun shrugged. “It wasn’t like it was rumors. It was only things that were true. Besides, Sana and I always tease you about being a slut anyway.”
Your jaw clenched as you glared at them. “You two are my friends! They are strangers! You were really allowing them to say those things without defending me?”
“What would we say, Yoshida?” Sana asked. “You were sleeping around and everyone was curious to how you somehow hadn’t had any STDs.”
“I practice safe sex!” You whisper-yelled, not wanting to attract a crowd. “Did you not think that it would hurt my feelings to learn that almost everyone in this school had a problem with me?”
“Well what did you expect?!” Ryun suddenly cut in. “You’re a playboy, how is everyone supposed to think about you? Sleeping with a new person each week since first year is insane, Yoshida!”
“Is that really the only reason you haven’t been talking to us?” Sana asked. “Because Katori hurt your feelings?”
“Hurt—? I’d like you to be able to be called a slut in front of everyone else and just bounce back with ease!” You didn’t notice a few of your classmates beginning to pay attention to the little spat in the hallway. “You’re my friends, I shouldn’t have to explain that to you!”
“Are we really your friends? Because you won’t even allow us to call you by your first name. But Ito Yuki can after only talking to you for a month. What’s with that, huh?” Ryun spat out, inching close to you.
You frowned. “I told you before! Hearing my first name is weird! Not even my parents call me by my first name. I only recently started getting used to hearing it because of Yuki.”
“It’s like you’re ditching us for your new plaything.” Sana sighed, shaking her head. “What? Is he that good in bed? We’ve always been there for you, what happened, huh? Did sleeping around cause your brain to turn into jelly?”
“I doubt your relationship with him will last long,” Ryun cut in. “You’ll get bored soon and find a new shiny tool. You told us before, sticking with the same person gets boring. A slut like you needs new engagement all the time.
“Will you really cling so hardly on Ito when even he can drop you at any time? He has girls always chasing after him. Who’s to say he won’t get uncomfortable about how everyone talks about you?”
Sana nodded. “It was getting hard being your friend. The rumors were beginning to spread onto us. Sluts hang out together, that’s what they were saying. Ito Yuki is too good for you, do you really want to drag him down with you like you dragged us down?”
You stared at Sana and Ryun in shock, their words beginning to tune out. It felt like a tsunami had passed through you. Was this how they fault all this time? When they were joking around with you—was it how they truly felt this entire time?
It was too much. Your eyes flickered over to your classroom door to see your classmates staring at you. Katori there as well, staring at you with a wide smirk. You looked down at your shoes, your breathing getting heavy.
“Oi!” A voice suddenly yelled, catching everyone’s attention. The classmate you were speaking to earlier about what sweets to buy was suddenly standing in front of you.
He glared at Sana and Ryun before turning his attention over to your nosy classmates. “Mind your own business!! You guys haven’t finished decorating!” He yelled. The students quickly rushed back into the classroom.
Sana blinked. “Suzuki-San?”
Suzuki looked back over at you three. “If you wanted to have a private conversation with Yoshida, you shouldn’t have done it in the fucking hallway! Scram, I gotta talk to Yoshida about actual important stuff, like our school festival that is on Friday!” He glared at them before they reluctantly walked back into the classroom.
You kept your gaze down as Suzuki patted you on the back.
“Thanks.” You muttered.
“It was nothing. Living in a small town makes them hungry for any sort of drama,” Suzuki laughed. “You’re the only interesting person in this whole school.”
Your gaze flicked up to Suzuki as you stared at his face. “Have I…?”
“No, no! I’m straight.”
“Oh. Why did you defend me?”
“What you do in the bedroom is none of my business. Besides, you wouldn’t be a playboy if no one took you up on your offers.” Suzuki gave you a smile. “Everyone who got with you knew who you were. I’ve seen people that slept with you even call you a slut. I think they’re just jealous you never wanted to date them.”
“Jealous?”
“Mhm. At first it was only a few people who constantly talked behind your back but ever since you and Ito-San started dating it’s gotten worse. A few of your exes are jealous they didn’t get to ‘tame’ you.”
“Tame?!” You gasped, the stray tears in your eyes being blinked away.
“Yeah.” Suzuki hummed. “Some people that slept with you had the goal of becoming your partner. I always wanted to tell you but I had no proof, only word of mouth. Add in with that it’s Ito Yuki, student council president who had a recent ‘glow-up’ in the eyes of the girls, everyone has a reason to be mad.”
You were shocked for the most part. People wanted to tame you? Gross. You shook your head at the thought. But your worst fear was true. Yuki’s reputation was being dragged down because of you.
“Have they been talking bad about Yuki?”
“Mhm. Especially Katori after Ito’s fight with him. Mainly people waiting until you give him a STD or you cheat on him. A few girls are upset that he’s gay, saying that you turned him… Whatever that means.”
Great. Absolutely great. You had knew that Yuki still got confessed to before he made it public that you were dating. Those girls never gave up even when Yuki turned them without a second thought. It wasn’t like you thought he’d cheat on you.
It was more so that maybe of those girls would be better for him.
“Thanks, Suzuki.” You whispered, wanting to just lay down.
“It’s nothing. I couldn’t be a bystander anymore.” Suzuki admitted. “You should get some water, I’ll tell the teacher when she comes back.”
You hummed and walked away, ready to chug some water from the water fountain. As you walked past some classrooms, you skid to stop in front of Yuki’s classroom.
You were curious to what they were doing for the school fair when you noticed some giggling. Your eyes landed in on a girl walking up to Yuki with a shy smile on her face. She was clutching a note to her chest as her friends practically pushed her to Yuki.
The girl would’ve fell had Yuki not caught her. He helped her to her feet and was about to turn his attention back to the board when she tugged on his sleeves. You could only watch as the other students began to coo and giggle, watching the girl get ready to confess.
You wanted to stop it but your feet felt glued to the ground. The girls friends began chanting “confess” over and over again before the girl finally blurted out her confession.
She was cute, typical girl next door. The boys beside Yuki began to cheer Yuki on, patting him on the back. Did.. Did they not know you were his fucking boyfriend? That Ito Yuki had a boyfriend?
Someone said something that you couldn’t hear properly. A few whispers ensue. You strained to hear them properly.
“Well, it’s not like Yoshida is known for staying with his partners for long.”
“Yeah, he’s probably just using Ito-Kun anyway.”
“Yoshida is so disgusting,” one of her friends laughed. “Why wouldn’t someone want Kaede-Chan! She isn’t infested with 1,000 STDs! Right, Ito-San?”
“Uhm, Ito-Kun… Are you really in love with Yoshida..?” Kaede whispered, her doe eyes staring up at Yuki. “I’ve had a crush on you since first year, I doubt Yoshida has liked you as long as I have. He probably doesn’t even know you like—”
You couldn’t hear anymore. You sprinted away.
Tears were streaming down your face as you ran up the stairs to the rooftop. You just wanted this cruel day to end. To think all these three years your school has viewed you as parasite the entire time. Your own friends was getting tired being your friend.
And you might lose your boyfriend to a girl that was better for him in the eye of the school hierarchy.
You bursted through the rooftop door and crashed into the walled fence. Your fingers gripped at it as you rest your forehead against the cool metal. Heavy hiccups left you as you tried to calm down.
Maybe if you had been normal.
If only you weren’t a playboy.
No matter, you’d set Ito Yuki free.
Even if you didn’t want to.
ཆི❤︎ཆྀ
You clutched your school bag to your chest as you stood by the school gate. It had been two hours after school, you were waiting for Yuki to finish with his council president duties. He had texted you to go home but you hadn’t responded.
This needed to end.
“(Name)-Chan?”
Your heart fluttered as you looked back to see Yuki. He had his usual slight grin as he walked over to you. But it quickly dropped when he took in your puffy red eyes.
“What happened?” He asked, his hand reaching out to touch you but you quickly stepped away. His eyebrows furrowed as he stared at you. “Are you okay?”
You only nodded. “Yeah, I just. Uhm. We should break up.”
It was silent before Yuki let out a laugh. “Funny. What really happened?”
“No. We should break up.” You said louder, standing up straight.
Yuki’s fox like eyes narrowed as he stepped closer. “What the hell are talking about? You want to break up?”
“Yea, we aren’t compatible. We don’t even really know each other.”
“We were getting to know each other. Don’t give me bullshit reasons.”
“We just shouldn’t be together!”
“Why?!”
“Because I’m the school’s resident slut and you deserve someone like Kaede!” You yelled, feeling your eyes water as you quickly looked away. “Besides I’m… I’m bored. I’m used to having a new partner each week! I can’t.. I can’t stay with one guy.”
“Kaede—? Did you see the confession? I rejected her.”
“I knew you would…”
“Then what? You think that I really believe you can’t stay faithful? Who’s been feeding this bullshit to you?”
“It’s true! I’ve practically fucked everyone in this damn school, you were just another week. I.. I even talked about how virgins are the best partners!”
You looked back at Yuki, wanting to get this over with. But to your shock, Yuki almost looked hurt at your words. Fuck, you couldn’t just break things off easily, could you? You mentally cursed yourself for telling that when a grin pulled on Yuki’s lips.
It wasn’t a grin that reached his eyes.
“You act like I don’t know what type of person you were before I said yes. I even knew your fucking catchphrase! You think I didn’t know what you usually liked in a partner? Yoshida (Name), I’ve liked you since our first year, I only ever wanted you. I don’t care what everyone else thinks.”
You looked away, shaking your head. “We wouldn’t last anyway! I’m not the type of partner you would want to bring to your parents! I’m known as a slut by every student in this school, who’s to say no one else knows?! We’re not that big of a town!”
“(Name)…”
“Just let me break up with you before I drag you down with me.”
“You’re so childish.”
You bristled, biting your lip. “Whatever. We’re over.” You quickly walked away, not looking back even as Yuki called your name.
This was for the best, even if you didn’t want it to be.
ཆི❤︎ཆྀ
“Who pissed in your cereal?”
You glanced up from your pillow to see your mother staring at you with a bowl of noodles. She gently placed them on your desk and sat down on the chair, turning it to face you.
“What happened, Plum? You look miserable.”
You only whimpered, shaking your head. “I found out… that I’m the school’s resident slut..”
A slight laugh left your mother. “So? So was I.”
Your eyes widen. “What?”
“Mhm. I slept with almost every boy in my grade level. They were pretty bad for the most part. I didn’t stop until I met your dad in college.” Your mom said, sighing at the mention of your father. “A hunk. Great in bed—ah well you don’t need to know that.
“Wait, have they been bullying you? Do I need to visit the school?!” She asked, a frown on her face.
“No. That would be even more embarrassing.”
She sighed. “If you say so. But that can’t be the only reason.”
“I found out Sana and Ryun were spreading the rumors behind my back.”
“Excuse me?” A look of anger spread on her face as her upper lip turned up into a snarl. “I need to get their keys back. How dare they hurt my baby behind his back! Did anything else happen?!”
“I broke up with my boyfriend to protect his reputation.”
“Well that’s a bit dumb.”
You frowned, looking over at her. “What do you mean?”
“What I said. That’s dumb. Who cares about high school reputation? Was your boyfriend bothered by you being called the school’s slut?”
“No…”
“Then what makes you the one who gets to decide that the relationship ends?”
“I…”
Your mother gave you a smile. “You tried to do the right thing even if it was a bit silly. If your boyfriend wasn’t bothered by it, you can’t just decide he was. What it really was is that you were probably jealous or even scared that he would think he could do better than you. So you wanted to end it before he could hurt you.”
Why did your mother have to be so smart?
She got up and pressed a soft kiss on your forehead. “Try to make up with him, if he was really upset about the breakup, he’d want you back quickly.” With that, she left the room, letting you wallow in your thoughts.
Maybe you really did screw up.
Shit, would Yuki even forgive you if you came crawling back?
You groaned. You just wanted to sleep.
If only you just talked it out with him.
ཆི❤︎ཆྀ
“Sorry, this is all we have. Someone forgot to buy fake hair.”
Suzuki helped you tied the fluffy tail to your waist. You slipped on the headband with furry ears as you glanced at the mirror. It was the school festival. You were dressed as the werewolf barista though you looked more like a dog. You wore a white button up with black slacks.
You glanced over at Suzuki to see him dressed as a vampire. He was dressed similar to you but with fake fangs and a bit of blood on his face.
“It’s so hard to talk with these fangs.” Suzuki groaned, slipping them back on. You only grinned as you placed the food on the table. Your eyes glanced around the classroom that was turned into a spooky cafe. Everyone was dressed up as some sort of monster.
You didn’t pay any mind to Sana and Ryun, not wanting to talk to them. They also made no effort to speak to you. Your mom really did get the spare keys she gave them back, basically banning them from your house.
It still hurt, realizing you lost two childhood friends.
Though you technically gained Suzuki. He was cool and didn’t talk badly about you behind your back.
Small victories.
The festival finally began at 5:00 pm. Everyone in town was welcomed. At first your class’s cafe wasn’t gaining much attention. Suzuki looked a bit worried so you tried to come up with an idea.
You walked out of the classroom, looking at the groups of people attending the other classes. As someone passed by you grabbed their arm. The person was a girl, one of your past dates, Kazuha.
Kazuha flinched, probably shocked before she saw it was just you who grabbed her. She grinned. “Yoshida-Kun! Ah you look so cute! Lemme take a picture.” She pulled out her camera and quickly snapped a couple of pictures before you could even attempt to pose.
You forgot she was apart of the photography club.
“Anyway, what’s up?” She asked, giving you a kind smile.
“Ah, my classes cafe isn’t gaining enough of attention… Could you help us gain some traction? I don’t know what to do.”
Kazuha hummed, nodding her head. “Lucky for you, I still find you cute.” She teased. “Leave it to me, Yoshi!” With that, she sprinted off before you could even ask what her plan was.
She was only gone for a few minutes before coming back with a pep in her step. “Guess what?”
“What?”
“You’ll be kissing whoever spends over five dollars at the cafe! Just a kiss on the cheek, don’t worry.” She said, a smug smile on her face.
You almost complained that you were taken before remembering that no, you weren’t. “I doubt anyone would be that interested in kissing me.” You said, frowning.
Turns out you were wrong.
It didn’t take long before a group of students came over, looked to be the volleyball team. They practically bought everything. Suzuki had to tell a classmate to bring out the extra food they had stored.
“Can we also take a picture?” One of the boys said, a shy smile on his face. You only mutely nodded, taking a few selfies with them. There wasn’t anyone on the volleyball team you had dated, they were mostly filled with first years.
You gave each boy a quick peck on the cheeks, every single one practically giggling excitedly when you pulled away. After they left, a group of girls came in. They quickly bought some food before rushing over to you.
“You’re so cute! Can I take a picture instead of the kiss??”
“You should be an idol! So cute.”
“Ah, thanks.” You blushed, taking a quick selfie with each girl. “Are you…?”
“We’re first years!” One girl answered. “I heard so many weird rumors about you but you’re so shy in person!” She said, giggling.
“I’ve only heard third years talk bad about you.”
“Ah, right! So homophobic too,” the one with bangs rolled her eyes. “Don’t let them bother you. They’re just jealous you’re cute. Are you supposed to be a dog?”
“A werewolf.”
“Well it’s a good attempt!”
“Ahah, thanks. Please recommends us to any friends!”
It seemed like first years either didn’t care or possibly didn’t know about your reputation. It made sense, you didn’t attempt to sleep with any first years. You mainly stuck to people in your year, only a few second years ever got the chance with you.
Well that was good, only third years hate you.
A few more people came in after. Again, mostly first and second years. The food was almost out before it even reached 7 pm.
“Everyone’s going to be kissing your feet after this,” Suzuki grinned. “We would’ve been screwed without you.”
Kazuha hummed, “and without me! I was the one who came up with the plan.”
“Why are you even here? Don’t you have your own class to bother?” Suzuki rolled his eyes while Kazuha just sent a smug grin.
“I’m mainly surprised people really wanted a kiss from me.”
“Well you are attractive.” Suzuki said bluntly. “In my personal opinion, you’re the school’s heartthrob, not Ito Yuki.”
Kazuha nodded in agreement. “I mean, it wasn’t like you ever ran out of people to date.”
“Mhm.” You glanced around the makeshift cafe, everyone beginning to wine down. A few students even taking off their costumes now. You fixed your tail, popping open two buttons of your shirt to get cool. “Looks like we might have to close up early, there’s only two sweets left.”
“Oh! Let me have them for free!” Kazuha grinned.
“No way! Pay like everyone else!” Suzuki glared at her. He took out his fake fangs and sighed in relief, tossing them in the trash. “I’m never wearing that thing again. I think it scraped my gums.”
“Really? Let me check.” You leaned in, motioning for Suzuki to open his mouth. He complied and leaned down so you could get a clear view. There did look to be a small little wound on the right side of his gum. “Ah, it looks like it irritated the right side. Nothing cut open though.”
“Oh that’s good.” Suzuki hummed. “Anything else?” You leaned in even closer, reaching up to gently grasp Suzuki’s jaw so you could tilt his head down.
“Uh… Yoshi… Suzuki. We have a customer.” Kazuha whispered, her voice weirdly quiet. You glanced over at her, confused on why she was sounding like that. Plus it wasn’t like your other classmates couldn’t handle the customer.
Suzuki pulled away from you, no longer blocking your view of the front door of the classroom.
Your breathing hitched at who was at the door.
Ito Yuki.
And he didn’t look happy at all. His hair was slicked back with gel, a singular strand pulled over his face. Dressed in a suit and tie, you couldn’t help but be memorize at how handsome he looked.
He walked into the classroom, heading straight towards you. He practically ignored Suzuki’s greeting and grabbed the last two sweets left on the main table.
“Are these two together over five dollars?” He asked, his gaze only on you.
“Yeah.” Suzuki answered before you could. “Are you going to take up our offer—”
Suzuki didn’t get to finish when Yuki tossed the sweets back on the table and stepped right up to you. His hands gripped your waist, one sliding up to cup your neck as he pulled you in for a kiss.
Your eyes widen as you could only grip at his shirt in shock. His eyes narrowed in on yours as he pressed your body against his. A strangled moan left you as he bit your bottom lip, easily turning the peck into a hungry kiss. His tongue immediately slipped into your mouth as you felt your legs turn into jelly.
It almost felt hard to breathe as he kissed you breathlessly. He chased your mouth when you attempted to pull away for some air. His tongue was exploring your mouth as if he was hungry and he wouldn’t survive without the taste of you.
The fact your classmates were still in the classroom wasn’t lost on you. Sure, you weren’t particularly shy about asking out people in public or shamelessly flirting with PDA, this was brand new. Especially when Yuki wasn’t into public affection.
Your moans were hardly muffled by Yuki’s mouth, though it seemed to spur him on. His grip on your waist slipped down before grabbing a handful of your ass. A shameful squeak left your lips when he finally decided to pull away.
The only sound that could be heard was your heavy breathing. Yuki only stared down at you before moving to grab your hand instead of your ass.
Kazuha and Suzuki looked shocked to say the least. Though Kazuha gave you a thumb ups with a smile, nodding her head. Suzuki looked mostly traumatized at the sudden make out sesh. A few of your classmates were whispering but you couldn’t hear them properly. You could feel Sana and Ryun staring at you.
Katori looked pissed but that only made you happy.
“You can clean up without him,” Yuki simply said, looking at Suzuki.
Suzuki only let out a soft ‘huh’ as Kazuha quickly nodded, a grin on her lips. “Of course, of course!! Go have fun you too! Be safe!”
Yuki hummed and began dragging you out of the classroom, not waiting for you to even attempt to refuse. As they walked out, Suzuki glanced back at the two sweets left on the table.
“He didn’t pay…”
You had to pick up the pace to keep with Yuki’s long strides. Though finally out of your classroom, you got to see what the other classes did for the festival. When you passed Yuki’s classroom, it looked like their theme was mad scientist cake decorating.
You wondered where his lab coat was but didn’t think he’d be in the mood to answer such a question right now. He finally came to stop when he reached the student council’s room and pulled you inside. The door closed with a slam as he turned the lock.
Now that you two were alone, it suddenly dawned on you that you were broken up for only two days. When it almost felt weeks. Wow, you were a simp for him at this point.
“What was that?” He asked, his jaw tense.
“What was what?”
“Seriously? You break up with me two days ago and suddenly allowing everyone to kiss you for a school festival?”
“I didn’t come up with it… Kazuha thought it would be good to help us with sales. I didn’t even think people would be interested in kissing me.”
“You have such low self esteem for being a playboy,” Yuki said, letting out a joyless laugh. “You think people slept with you so easily for only week without being physically attracted to you?”
“I…” You shook your head. “Anyway what was that?! You just kissed me in front of everyone! You told me you don’t like public affection.”
“I had to make sure no one got the idea that you were suddenly single.” Yuki easily confessed. “Your class seems to be the one spreading most of the rumors around school, they’ll let everyone know that you’re mine.”
“But… I’m not yours. I ended the relationship.”
“Yeah, without my feelings being taken into consideration. I thought about it, we’re not breaking up. You can’t just end things.”
“Yuki, I’m not good for you. I don’t want to bring you down.”
“(Name), it’s fucking high school. Who gives a shit what they think? Do I have to fuck you brainless to make you understand that I want you no matter what they think?”
You blushed, looking away in embarrassment.
Yuki let out a laugh. “That’s all you need.” He grabbed your arm and pulled you close, his free hand reaching up to cradle your face. “I’ll fuck you until you understand you’re never leaving me. I’ve waited so long for you—I’m not letting other people’s jealousy take you away from me.”
His hands grabbed your button up and easily tore it open, buttons popping loose. You gasped as you tried to salvage the shirt but he easily pulled it off. The room’s cool air brushed against your skin.
You looked up at Yuki, eyes wide. “In here?!” You whispered, remembering the third floor wasn’t exactly empty.
“Mhm.” Yuki took off his glasses, placing them on your face. Your vision was blurred from the prescription. When you attempted to take them off he gripped your wrist. “Keep them on. I’m still angry at you.”
A gulp left your throat as you watched a blurry image of Yuki. You could still make out what he was doing but could no longer see his face clearly. Cold hands pressed against your stomach, causing you to tense up. He slowly pushed you back until you laid down on the table.
“Do you know why I like you?” He suddenly asked. You only let out a confused hum. “When I moved to this town, I was pissed. From Tokyo to something so minuscule. Besides, I was a new kid coming to a high school where the kids knew each other since elementary.”
Wet lips pressed against your stomach. You gasped, looking down to see but Yuki reached up and gripped your face. He pushed your head back to rest on the table before pulling away.
“I didn’t think anything of you until I saw you in that maid outfit. Then I noticed how you portrayed this persona of yourself: the smooth talking playboy but deep down you were cute when you thought no one was looking.”
You clamped your hands against your mouth to muffle the surprised moan that left your throat. Yuki’s teeth sunk into your stomach as he bit hard on your soft flesh. He left two more marks, each harder than the first.
“You were more sensitive than you let on. I noticed whenever your dates didn’t go through the full week with you that you would get sad. Pouty and moping around the halls until you find a new person.”
His hands grasped your waist. His thumbs gently digging into your skin. Soft kisses pressed against your stomach, his tongue teasing your belly button. He unbuckled your tail, letting it lay dejected on the floor. But then his teeth bit into your skin, earning a loud squeak from you.
“Anyone who even looked at you wrong made you upset. I only watched you from afar, you never made an attempt to ask me out. But I always watched you ask out other people. That stupid catchphrase of yours got on my nerves.”
The sound of fabric tearing caused your hips to flinch as cool air conditioner teased your now bare thighs. His mouth immediately bit at your inner thigh. His hands held your hips down to stop you from bucking away from his touch.
“I wondered all the time if you would just stay that way. Asking out people and leaving them after the week. How could that be satisfying to you? But during our summer break after our first year, I came across you at the park. I saw you crying your eyes out.”
Your eyes squeezed shut at the mention of that incident. His glasses slid down your nose from your constant movement. Yuki moved to your left thigh, biting hard on the skin. You whimpered, one hand reaching down to grip his hair.
“I wanted to talk you but your friends ended up coming over. All I could think was that I never wanted to see you cry like that again. The thought of you frowning made me angry. Those feelings towards you might’ve just been infatuation but I knew I wanted you in my arms.”
“Yuki…” You moved to sit up when his hand immediately pushed you back into the table. You grunted in surprise, his glasses falling off your face from the force. It toppled to the ground, one of the lenses cracking from the force.
You looked back up to quickly apologize for not protecting his glasses when you finally got a good look at Yuki. His eyes were red. He was.. crying?
“I didn’t say you could speak.” He said, his voice harsh. If you hadn’t seen his face—you wouldn’t have thought he was crying. “I was ready back then to just watch you from afar. You didn’t seem to want a permanent relationship and I wasn’t going to force myself on you. But then you asked me out…”
He looked down at your thighs, his hands moving to your hips as his fingers teased your boxers.
“At that moment, I knew I couldn’t admire you from afar anymore. You were within my grasps and I needed to make you mine. Make you obsessed so you won’t want anyone else.” He let out a joyless laugh. “I knew exactly what you were saying when you mentioned the week being over. But I wasn’t going to allow you to leave me.”
His hand grasped your boxers as he glanced up at your face. He didn’t say anything as he slowly began to tear the fabric open. You blushed, your body suddenly feeling hot at the sight.
“You know, Yoshida (Name).” He whispered, a grin on his face. “You’re the prettiest boy I’ve ever met. And I’m so fucking angry that you decided to end our relationship without thinking about me. But it’s okay, you just don’t see yourself the way I see you.
“Hit me three times if you need to stop.” Was all he said. He grabbed the torn fabric of your shirt and used it to blindfold you. You whimpered, gripping at his arm just to make sure he didn’t disappear. “You can’t be loud, the festival is still going on. Though I don’t mind if everyone learns how good I fuck you.”
You bit your lip as his hand grasped your cock. His thumb rubbed against your slit, teasing it slowly as you withered beneath him. Now having your sight gone made the feeling more intense for some reason. You wouldn’t know what he was going to do until you felt his touch.
His hand released your cock, letting it plop against your stomach. Your body twitched as you waited for him to touch you again. When you didn’t feel anything you began to whine.
Your hips twitched when something wet teased your hole. “W..What was that?!”
“Shh, it’s lube.”
“You carried lube to school?!” Two fingers rubbed against your hole, spreading the cool lube. A gasp left your throat when Yuki slowly pushed in two fingers at once. The burn was strong as your back arched against the table.
“I didn’t. A friend gave it to me.”
“You..You’re friends—ngh… friends with someone who brings lube to school?!”
“Mhm. It’s good to have friends with different interests.”
“Different interests… ah!”
The squelching of the lube filled the room as you bit your lip, trying to muffle your whimpers. You could hear people walking past the room. It should’ve made you anxious but honestly you felt so horny.
Yuki curled his fingers, rubbing right against your prostate. A wet cry left your lips. Your hands digging into the table for some form of purchase.
Before you could reach your high, his fingers pulled out. It was silent for a moment—only the sounds of people walking past. You briefly wondered if he left when something pressed against your ass.
His hands gripped your waist, keeping you still as he slowly thrusted into your hole. You clamped your hand over your mouth to muffle the moan from the stretch.
“I wanted to mess with you more but we can’t stay in here for too long.”
Your vision blurred—the soft blues of the moonlight stabilizing your sight. Yuki tossed your makeshift blindfold onto the pile of torn clothes. You gazed up at him, finally able to properly take him in once more.
His hair was messy. The sleekness gone. Bangs threatening to fall over his face as he ran his hand through his strands. His eyes were still puffy and red.
“Yuki… I’m sorry.” You whispered.
Yuki’s eyes widen, just a bit as he stared down at you. It was still hard to really tell what he was feeling through expression alone. You wanted him to say something, to say if he forgave you or not.
“You’re still not off the hook.” He finally said, a slight smile on his lips. “I’ll punish you properly another time. For now, I’ll show you just how much I love you.” His hands reached up and grasped your waist, pulling you to the end of the table.
A shuddered gasp left your lips as he slowly thrusted in deeper. Your hands gripped at his bicep, body gently moving at his rhythmic thrusts.
Yuki leaned down and pressed a kiss to your neck. His mouth kissed down to your collarbone as he bit at your skin. You whimpered—his hips picking up in pace.
The sound of skin slapping bled into the room with your raising pitch in moans. Your legs wrapped around his waist to bring him in even closer.
“I like you.” Yuki suddenly whispered, lips pressed against the underneath of your chin. He slammed his hips against your ass, earning a loud cry from you. You quickly bit your lip to try and muffle yourself as he kept a faster pace.
“I like your smile.” His fingers dug into the soft skin of your hips. “I like your laugh. I like your eyes.” Hips slammed into you, holding its position as his cock grazed your prostate. “That smile you have whenever you’re going to be a menace.”
Your nails dug into his back as small gasps left you. His cock was now repeatedly rubbing against your prostate. Your toes curling from the pleasure as you had to fight everything fiber of your being to not scream out.
“(Name)-Chan.” Yuki whispered, grunting when you involuntarily tightened around his cock. He let out a chuckle. “(Name)-Chan, I love you.” His voice soft and sweet, a stark contrast to his harsh thrusts.
You were going to say something but Yuki didn’t allow you. He kissed you, pressing his body against yours as he was unforgiving in his pace. His hips slammed into your ass as the sound is skin slapping filled the room.
You didn’t even attempt to muffle your moans. Your prostate constantly rubbed and pressed against with his animalistic thrusting. Yuki greedily swallowed your moans as you pulled him closer.
It didn’t take long before you reached your high, your back arching as you came. Yuki didn’t let up, fucking you through your orgasm. Your hands trailed up to tangle in his hair as you felt his cock begin to twitch.
Yuki pulled away from the kiss, your mouths barely touching as you took deep breaths. His hips stuttered as he let out a low groan, gripping your hips as he slammed deep inside. Something warm coated your walls as you let out a whimper.
You couldn’t be mad about him not using a condom. At least not right now. You quickly kissed him again. It was a slow kiss, the previous hunger finally satiated.
“I… I love you too.” You whispered, pulling away from the kiss to look him in the eye. “What… should we do for our sixth month anniversary?”
Yuki raised an eyebrow as he let out a laugh. “So suddenly?” He leaned in, his nose rubbing against yours. “It’s actually our first day together as a couple, since we just got back together.”
“Really?” You asked. “But you didn’t ask me out yet.”
Yuki pulled away as he stared down at you. He reached down and gently cradled your face, his thumb rubbing against your lips.
“Hey, do you wanna make out?”
It took a moment before it fully registered. Your lips quivered as you let out a laugh, shaking your head. “Shit… It sounds so stupid when you say it back.” You sighed, a bit embarrassed that the sentence was your catch phrase for so long.
“Do you?” Yuki simply asked.
You looked up at him and grinned. Your eyes felt teary as you whispered,“Mhm. Let’s make out.”
ཆི❤︎ཆྀ
“I’ve had a crush on you since first year, I doubt Yoshida has liked you as long as I have. He probably doesn’t even know you like—”
“—Are you guys done?” Yuki cut her off, brushing off a hand that touched his shoulder. He glanced around the room before sighing. “1,000 STDs? Are you all five? Yoshida (Name) is my boyfriend.”
Kaede stared up at Yuki in shock. “But—”
“—But nothing. This class is supposedly filled with students who test the best, so I assumed you wouldn’t be so childish. Speaking such nasty language about my boyfriend in front of me is insane. Get it through your head, I’m dating Yoshida (Name), and I won’t ever date someone like you, Kaede. Now everyone get back to planning.”
The room was silent as Yuki’s classmates slowly began to get back to their assigned tasks. Yuki paid Kaede and her friends no mind as they consoled the girl. A snicker left the girl beside Yuki.
“Shit, Yuki! That was crueler than normal. I thought you were going to punch someone!” Maki laughed, “You’re really serious about Yoshida-San, huh?”
Yuki glanced over at Maki. “Course I am. He’s my first and only boyfriend.”
“Only..? Like you won’t.. date men after Yoshida-San?”
“No. (Name) is the only person I’ll date ever. We’re never breaking up.”
Maki only laughed before awkwardly stopping when she noticed Yuki’s serious face. “You’re weird sometimes, Yuki.”
ཆི❤︎ཆྀ
“You’re… cute.. as a maid…”
Yuki felt as if he was going to pass out. You stood in front of him, dressed as a maid for the first year’s class festival. He was shorter back then, thick square glasses that did nothing for his looks. You didn’t have to look up at him like you do now.
You tilted your head at him, the long hair of your wig moving in tandem. A slight grin pulled on your lips as you gripped the edge of your dress, teasingly pulling it up to show a sliver of skin not covered by your stockings.
“I know~ But I can be sexy too.” You dropped your dress, giggling as if you didn’t just sexually tease Yuki. “Thanks, Ito~” You skipped away to your friends, your skirt swishing with your movement.
Yuki learned three things that day.
He has a thing for cute things
You looked good in feminine outfits
He reacts like a Victorian man at the sliver of skin
As well as another thing, staying as your admirer was proving harder each day.
He just didn’t know how lucky he would get in his third year.
Had to put in some last minute feminization because that’s literally Yuki’s whole kink. Just didn’t fit into this chapter well. Anyway, love exploring angst and fluff! Excited to write chapter 3 cuz it’ll be graduation time!!
Tag list: @omgplsletmeread @the-ultimate-librarian @tehyunnie @chill-guy-but-cooler @smellwell @euthymiko @love-kha1 @star-3214 @tomoeroi @cherry-blossoms-187 @remdayz @iwishtobeacrow @mello-life25 @ofclyde @kiiyoooo @mooncarvers-world @rhetorical-conscience
#bottom male reader#x male reader#sub male reader#uke male reader#male reader#oc x reader#mlm ns/fw#male bottom reader#original character
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