#and im rlly anxious rn so this!! could be nice!!

[pansyfemme]

Hi Jude! I'm so anxious about my first appointment... stuff came up and I had to change locations and providers (still informed consent but not planned parenthood anymore). But! Otherwise I'm really very excited.

Your drink sounds really good. I love lavender in all forms but I've never drank it :0! I wish there was a cafe close to me! Alas. Country boy pretty much right now.

Has your day been good? I hit post limit? How are classes? (I assume they've started back up for everyone by now?) Find any new music? I found a song byyy The Ooze(s)? I think. It's short but SO good and loud and I could play it on repeat for HOURS!!!

Hi elias!! i saw u hit post limit, i admire ur devotion to #cecilsweep but you have killed my dash today oh my god 😔 /j (ily keep doin what ur doing, but holy shit dude) im so excited for you to start t! im sorry about the rearranging, it was the same way when i started- its always difficult to set stuff up at first!

I adore lavender in pretty much anything. My family are absolute freaks when it comes to how much tea we consume so we order several flowers and herbs in bulk, lavender being one of them and i make lavender syrup all the time when im home. It’s rlly tasty in coffee, but has a reputation of its own for being the east coast gay drink lmao, and is often overpriced. i live within walking disatance from four local coffee shops so im a bit spoiled lmao!!

my day’s been good, i woke up at like noon as most weekends start for me, i have some observation hw to start on (i have plenty of time tho.) but im pretty excited since i adore the professor im taking observation II from and he is nice enough to allow me to use color in all my assignments <3 Usually ur supposed to just do b/w charcoal but thats so fucking boring oh my god and this professor is a huge fan of my color work so he knows how much a chore b/w is for me. I’m thinkin of maybe drawing my hrt? idk i have to think abt it but i thought it would be fun.

as for music, on my way up to college on tuesday dad and i listened to the one pansy division cd we have like 3 times in a row and i havent rlly gotten over it yet and have been listening to their cover of liz phair’s ‘flower’ on repeat ever since. im honestly surpised we dont own more pansy division, my dad’s seen them a few times and theyre on one of his fave labels (lookout!) so it’s kinda odd we only have the one cd. but yknow, streaming is a thing, im just a snob and like physicals a bit more. I’ve been scouring bandcamp as usual for more twee and have been rlly digging a band called the harriets from osaka i believe, who have all of three songs out but i really like. I also bought a few of the max levine ensamble’s albums on bandcamp, theyre available on streaming but bandcamp doesnt have the sound limits other streaming services have and that band is best heard LOUD thru headphones. (i think some bands sound better when u can barely discern the sound LMAO) Theyre a pop punk band from dc that i started listening too exclusivly bc one of their members (spoonboy) is genderqueer and i wanted to hear more genderfuck type music. (tho pansy division is fufilling my every need for more songs abt gay male femmes rn oh my god. Listen 2 their cover of femme fatele, it makes me grin so hard. ) I’m on an honest search for queercore thats not like. how do i describe it? like neo-hardcore? like yknow, the very harsh and almost electronic hardcore thats popular rn but doesnt totally resemble older hardcore. I found a few bands i liked (DUMP HIM is pretty good, i also like yonic boom, which i searched for hours to make sure they weren’t terfs and can confirm they have at least one trans member if that helps a little👍) i also have learned that trying to find music that isnt hyperpop or death metal in the transcore tags on bandcamp is pretty impossible, tho i keep trying! what can i say, im a dude driven by horrible production quality, lts wild to me how polished some hardcore sounds nowadays when the main reason i like it is bc its grainy and harsh and hard to listen to. My love for twee but disdain for modern indie follows suit with that, if it doesnt sound like it was recorded on a budget of one dollar i dont want it!!! (with a few exceptions, i still cant shake my power pop infused childhood.) oh god that last paragraph is probably unreadable but yknow. autism

thanks for sending me an ask ily💖💖💖💖

[pirrha]

listens to the rifleman theme on repeat like its some sort of self care

[holylacydoll]

. ha

[starcloaked]

hi asher!! ^-^

hmm...lately its been really foggy and rainy! i think you might like it or at least enjoy being cozy inside.

i was driving (being driven. can not drive) through the part of the state that isnt the suburbs today for my all-state band audition (that went ok) and it was so nice...if i ever get the chance it must be nice to at least visit more often and go hiking or something. especially in the fall when the mountains are all covered in trees changing color!! and when everythings damp its just soooo nice the earth is alive in a very special way while everythings turning over.

plus! the towns are much nicer out there, in the suburbs everything is just spread way out and the town center is just governmental buildings and a few financial businesses, plus you cant really walk anywhere even in those cities. i know its a lot easier to glamourize these places when i dont live there but there were family-owned restaurants and people were out and about and the stores were right next to each other...thats convenience and practical design!

i leave you with some pictures from a walk i went on around two weeks ago! the bottom left picture is a fish i saw in a stream, there were a lot of them but i could only catch the one; there was one that looked like a small catfish and lived in a cool little cove! ive never seen any fish there in all the time ive lived here, so im unsure how they got there.

i hope you have a great sleep and a great day!

- love, kate! ^-^

kate <3 ive been having a particularly warm summer…it was stormy a few days ago but rn its sunny outside! the weather is particularly erratic in the mountains though & my old lady science teacher is predicting an ice storm (she tends to just know these things) so i think ill see some nice weather ^_^ cozy…

autumn in the mountains is always such a lovely experience!! especially when youre up high and you can see the plethora of different colored trees from down below :3 its always rlly pretty. it always smelled so nice out when it was damp too.

i love those sorts of cute little towns!! its always near a distant forest somewhere that i always find the best restaurants when me n my dad go hiking. the last one we found was inhabited by only motorcycle guys and had a very impressive taxidermy collection on display . they had pretty good lemon pepper chicken wings!! my dad is very anxious so i dont often get to walk around places but when i was babysitting for my aunt we browsed cute little antique shops around her town and it was the most fun experience of my life <3 i love rooting through chests and looking through glass panels of old stuff

ah!! such lovely pictures :0 i havent gone walking down the banks of a good stream in a long while… what a nice fish!!! that sunset is so pretty omg. what lovely mushrooms. thank u so much for sharing with me kate <3 i will have an extra good nap today 4 sure !!

[imagines-mha]

hey! i was wondering if I could get a haikyuu matchup ( male or women I don’t rlly care) if they’re still open.

my mbti type is istp and im a scorpio. pronouns are she/her. i wear glasses/contacts. im also hispanic and have brown hair, eyes and skin. im rlly socially anxious which leads to me being fidgety. around attractive people my mind just loses it and I suddenly can’t speak anymore I’m blushing and everything it’s actually rlly embarrassing. but when I know you I am sarcastic and witty.

i love to listen to music and can go from listening to indie to wii music. im also a neat/clean freak but can get my hands dirty when it’s needed, it’s honestly more like if my room is dirty I have to clean it up or I will get stressed. i love laying in the sun even though I’ve been told not to. I also tend to wear baggy clothing. I eat fruits and just healthy stuff overall most of the time and like to take care of myself. im also pretty smart in a sense (saying that makes me feel like I’m narcissistic)

thank you so much and have a nice day/night :)

hi bb tysm im watching barbie and its 5am im thriving rn 😎 i hope ur having a lovely day/night too 💖💖

i ship you with: Kozume Kenma

♡ yall would be so cute together.

♡ youre like so similar but so opposite if that makes sense????

♡ he loves the fact you know you’re smart like yasss his girl knows her worth

♡ hes fidgety af too so he tends to fidget with ur fingers etc when ur in public to calm you both down

♡ you help him eat HEALTHY and spend more time in the sun to take care of his wellbeing

♡ kuroo claims youve saved his life no cap

♡ music dates? he gets down to wii music smh you rlly are the one

♡ he loves that you wear baggy clothing too he thinks its so cute

♡ ur the only person he trusts to cuddle

♡ 10/10 relationship i ship

[flowrxchild]

I was tagged by the sweet @moonchildwildheart thanks lovey! I love these kinds of tags they’re so much fun!! ❤️

What was the last thing you read?

My study notes for an essay T-T

Favourite movie?

Moonrise Kingdom!

Favourite book?

It’s been the Goldfinch for a long time but as of recently I’ve fallen in love with Jenny Slate’s Little Weirds

Dream date?

Ouu like a picnic or stargazing of something like that. Laying face down in the mud under a full moon could be romantic if you rlly think about it.

Do you have a crush?

I don’t think there’s been a moment of my waking life that I havnt...

What are your hobbies?

I love to paint! I used do a lot of art but life’s kept me really busy as of recently and I don’t get to do it as much as I’d like :(

What’s your favourite time of day?

Late afternoon/golden hour! Ik it’s corny but it’s so pretty how could you not be in love???

If you could look like anything, what would you look like?

The Celestial Seasonings Sleetime Tea bear. That’s literally all I want for myself.

Are you romantic?

*leans dramatically on a staircase clutching my forehead* yes.

What’s your favourite type of weather?

Warm and lightly breezy. The opposite of whatever hell it is now in Canada...

What do you like talking about?

Movies and music always. I’m obviously a dork about it.

What are your turn ons?

Attentive affection like when someone touches you when they talk to you or eye contact I’m like 👁👄👁

Turn offs?

Rudeness. If someone’s mean or pushy yuck

If you got a tattoo what would it be and where would you get it?

I have a lot of stick and pokes everywhere that are super random lol but if I had to get an official one it’d probably be something floral on my arm?? I’m too indecisive to be a tattoo person :/

Do you have any pets?

I have a stinker of a black cat named Odin and he’s the loveliest boy to ever be

Dream job?

Something in the film industry...still to be determined

Dream place to live?

In the country? I’ve lived in a big city all my life and I’ve always wanted to be somewhere quieter and more serene

Dream vacation?

I don’t really know tbh...I love traveling anywhere so any trip would be a dream!

Do you have any piercings?

My ears and my cartilage. Used to have my septum but rip to her :(

If you had kids, what would you name them?

I really don’t know I always feel like the only person who doesn’t have a list I think...

What are your best traits?

My sense of humour has gotten me through a lot...Something bad will happen and I am forced to laugh in its face. Call it what it is: big goblin energy...Also I cherish my artistic eye aahasksk

Worst traits?

I’m a horribly distracted person lmao which makes me maybe the worlds worst reciever of information... I’ve been called flightly and disinterested because of it :( im also super anxious and i let it get the best of me sometimes...

What’s your worst fear?

Losing the people I love. Not being able to experience certain things.

What do you want to eat right now?

Im always craving brownies. I could eat a brownie rn I would not complain.

What’s your best vacation you’ve ever been on?

I’ve not traveled a ton but I went to London when I was 16 and I loved every minute of it!

Favourite city?

Gotta be biased and say my home Toronto! Even though I complain about it a lot, it’s raised me well!

Favourite social media platform?

Tumblr and twitter for sure! They’re kind of addictive

Favourite article of clothing?

Right now, it’s my black turtleneck. Gotta love a classic turtleneck ammirite?

Do you play any sports?

Bold of you to assume my bones are able to carry my akward ass in any other form besides walking. When I was a kid my parents forced me to play soccer and I literally used to lay in the field and pretend I was too sick to stand. Like during the game. The melodrama has not toned down since.

Favourite meal of the day?

Dinner I guess? It’s got the most yumminess possibility. The yummy levels are over 9000

What are you excited for?

Christmas break! This semester is beating my ass and I can’t wait for it to no longer be

Not excited for?

My finals.

When was the last time you cried?

Last night over the amount of work I had to do LOL

Dream house?

Omg a cabin or like a cottage home!! uGh itd be a dream!! Jus me and the trees

What’s something you hate about the world?

Injustice, prejudice and ignorance. I have no tolerance for it and there seems to be a lot of it. Wish a lot more people would just have less hate in them.

What’s something you love about the world?

It’s beauty!! Even outside of things that make me frustrated or terrified, the world always shows us reasons to love and reasons to live and I gotta remember that!

What scents do you like?

I love spicy “musky” smells lol I wear a unisex perfume cuz I love warmer smelling stuff like vanilla etc..

What kind of sleeper are you?

Not a good one ahahsjssk

Are you a cat or dog person?

Typically, I’m a dog person but I love cats just the same!

How long would you survive in a zombie apocalypse?

Literally like a couple hours I’d see a singular zombie and immediately fart and die from fear 😔✊🏻

Are you trusting?

I think so? But I have a really strong intuition when it comes to people so i give trust where it’s due

What fictional character do you identify with?

Idk this is a hard one I’m never good at picking one for myself lol

What labels do you commonly get?

I get sensitive a lot.. especially when I was little and I used to hate it cuz I used to see the negative in it but I think us sensitive people have got to start using it as a strength! (And maybe people should be less mean also ahshag)

What song would be your life anthem?

This is another hard one but I guess just my fave song: Jimi Hendrix’ Voodoo Chile?

What issues are you dealing with rn?

Erm school and being anxious I guess...schools been stressing me out and it’s hard going to class when you’re just terrified of everything but I’m working on it so 💩

How can someone win you over?

Literally just be nice I am not hard to win over Loool

What’s something about you people don’t know?

I don’t really talk about it a ton but I’m adhd and was diagnosed super late in life so I spent most of my childhood and teens thinking that I was just a spaz who had a lot to think about but my brain was straight up goofing the whole time lmao I’m slowly starting to learn to cope with it but it’s been a tough journey especially being in uni and trying to do adult things. So I’m sending a hug to anyone else who also suffers because it is not an easy ride <3

I’d like to tag (and ik this is a long one so feel free to ingnore me if u don’t want to) @cantbehandled-ever @satans-helper @seven-seas-of-hi @karrotkate @v-i-d-e-n-o-i-r @lazingonsunday @thatflowerpower @eatmyshiftsticky @shes-outta-sight @pvre-mourning @aint-no-denying @dreams-madeof-strawberrylemonade ⭐️✨⭐️✨⭐️✨

[leluh]

do all the unusual asks!!

o h mhy god…. thank you but i had to bust out my laptop bc no way in hell am i gonna type that all out formatted nicely on my phone….

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?

Spotify

is your room messy or clean?

Oh god it’s a fucking disaster

what color are your eyes?

i ask myself the same question often

do you like your name? why?

yeah! bc it has a lot of nickname options

what is your relationship status?

single

describe your personality in 3 words or less

emotional

gay

loud

what color hair do you have?

blue, red-purple, and an inbetween purple color in the middle.

what kind of car do you drive? color?

bold of you to assume i have a license or can afford a car

where do you shop?

bold of you to assume i have money to shop with

how would you describe your style?

Bad

favorite social media account

I use this one the most but i like the stickers on snapchat

what size bed do you have?

twin i think

any siblings?

Oh boy. oh howdy. im the oldest of five. i sure fucking do have siblings.

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

on top of a really big tree bc it’d be cool babey!

favorite snapchat filter?

none of them

favorite makeup brand(s)

i dont pay enough attention to give a shit. i do have & occasionally wear makeup, tho

how many times a week do you shower?

every other day

favorite tv show?

um! FMA:B

shoe size?

women’s 9, men’s 6 i think

how tall are you?

5′8″

sandals or sneakers?

sneakers

do you go to the gym?

haha no

describe your dream date

anything, as long as im spending quality time with the person/people

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

i have $5 in my jacket pocket I should put in my wallet, thanks for reminding me

what color socks are you wearing?

blue… orange….. white….

how many pillows do you sleep with?

3 rn. two for my head and one big one for my arms

do you have a job? what do you do?

ive never had a job

how many friends do you have?

a lot!!!! and i love them all and i hope they know this

whats the worst thing you have ever done?

don’t worry about it

whats your favorite candle scent?

vanilla….. also anything citrus

3 favorite boy names

3 favorite girl names

names dont have a gender also i dont have an opinion

favorite actor?

favorite actress?

no opinion

who is your celebrity crush?

they arent celebrities but i have a tiny “celeb crush” on everyone at Polygon

favorite movie?

anything studio ghibli does. Tales from Earthsea was good as fuck and underrated!

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?

I dont read a lot but my favorite book is The Red Tent

money or brains?

paypal.me/leluh

do you have a nickname? what is it?

my baby siblings used to pronounce my family nickname “Lexi” as “Leluh” (hence the url) but i go by Lex

how many times have you been to the hospital?

i had to get rushed to the ER in an ambulance once bc I had a seizure in church. the stretchers are really comfortable, the glucose packet the paramedic gave me didn’t taste nearly as bad as he made it out to be, and IVs are the fucking worst

top 10 favorite songs

here’s my spotify playlist for this month

do you take any medications daily?

i’m supposed to take like, six vitamin pills for my POTs headaches but i uh. dont.

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

annoying

what is your biggest fear?

being replaced, easily forgettable, not meaning anything to anyone

how many kids do you want?

none right now but i like kids and i know how to handle a lot at once so it really depends on how my life goes in the future.

whats your go to hair style?

sideways

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)

big enough for a family of eight

who is your role model?

who i want to be in the future

what was the last compliment you received?

some guy at the grocery store last night said he liked my hair

what was the last text you sent?

sent a photo to my mom

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

I don’t remember ever actually believing in santa

what is your dream car?

one that works

opinion on smoking?

mmmmmmmmmgross

do you go to college?

on the 27th

what is your dream job?

anything i enjoy that allows me a happy life. i’d love to work with plants, microbiology, astrobiology, or like…. bees

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?

I don’t know! im pretty neutral

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

oh hell yeah

do you have freckles?

i have a permanent patch of freckles on the side of my left shoulder and occasionally i get a few freckles on my face in the summer

do you smile for pictures?

depends on the context

how many pictures do you have on your phone?

a lot

have you ever peed in the woods?

yeah, my family used to go camping a lot when i was little 

do you still watch cartoons?

yeah

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?

Wendy’s

Favorite dipping sauce?

honey mustard and ranch is a close second

what do you wear to bed?

T-shirt

have you ever won a spelling bee?

never been in one

what are your hobbies?

i can throw a flag pretty cool

can you draw?

eh

do you play an instrument?

absolutely not, but it’s very cool and i have major respect for musicians

what was the last concert you saw?

I saw Maggie Rogers in concert a while back

tea or coffee?

tea! coffee is nasty

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

neither

do you want to get married?

Depends, but im not against it at all

what is your crush’s first and last initial?

ahahahahahahaha um. i plead the fifth. also there’s two of them anyway

are you going to change your last name when you get married?

depends! also not against it

what color looks best on you?

dunno, but i wear a lot of denim and bright red

do you miss anyone right now?

hell yeah babey dont we all

do you sleep with your door open or closed?

closed dear god i have two cats and four siblings under the age of 10

do you believe in ghosts?

eh. not really. would looove to be proved wrong though

what is your biggest pet peeve?

problems that could have very easily been avoided with communication

last person you called?

my voicemail lmao

favorite ice cream flavor?

Vanilla………….

regular oreos or golden oreos?

regular!

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

rainbow cause im gay but otherwise i dont rlly like sprinkles

what shirt are you wearing?

pajama t-shirt. it’s from ACYC

what is your phone background?

my lockscreen is coke zero and my homescreen is a mother mother quote

are you outgoing or shy?

I try to be sorta outgoing but dear god do i get anxious easily

do you like it when people play with your hair?

not really…. leave it be :/

do you like your neighbors?

I don’t know them at all

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

whenever i feel like it

have you ever been high?

nope

have you ever been drunk?

nah

last thing you ate?

some knockoff Doritos 

favorite lyrics right now

all of Infinitesimal by Mother Mother

summer or winter?

I hate being too hot but i do love alaska summers

day or night?

night…. love that second wind and sudden impulsive urges 

dark, milk, or white chocolate?

white chocolate. i have a strong sweet tooth

favorite month?

no opinion

what is your zodiac sign

leluh.tumblr.com/zodiac

who was the last person you cried in front of?

Everyone in Drama during senior night lmao. last time i cried alone however??? yesterday afternoon sjkdfhaksjfh

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

no dont apologise! i didnt check until just then so np :)

mmm yeah it is a bit trippy. hehe ITS TRUE THO. yeah sadly i think ur right, and tag blocking is probably a good idea. sometimes smut written well or not in excess is okay but goddamn when its abt 01 line and thats the whole fic... *silently blocks tags*

hehe i do that all the time lol this conversation is carrying on threads from a month ago :) mmm yeah ur probably right sadly, same. HA HE DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE and now i have someone to talk to abt them, so thats good! I KNOW felix was actually the one who got me into skz with his iconique gods menu line so i guess i have a soft spot for him. i always tell myself my bias is chan but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess im more whipped than id like to admit. mmm yeah that does make sense dw i hope they do that as well. YES king seungmin hIMSELF. GODDAMNIT DONT GET ME STARTED ON MINHO IN GODS MENU I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE WAS PART OF THE GROUP UNTIL I STARTED GETTING MORE INTO THEM. BITCH (affectionate) THE LINE DISTRIBUTION HAS BEEN UTTER DOG SHIT but *deep breath* its better now so were moving on adn hoping it stays that way. sis same but i may or may not have gone thru a rlly depressed phase and actively sought out the elimination episodes so i could actually force some tears out of my emotionless shell of a heart but what cna you do? lmaoo i feel that irl, binnie deserves more vocal lines. yesss channies accent is rlly prominent then, i think also the way he structures his phrasing? is more english speaking than korean? but yeah i totally get what ur saying. AJKSAL lmao

okay then! im excited for whenever it gets done! (maybe tag me?) ahh the cold shrivelled heart of a dark au writer beats again at the thought of torturing another poor characters very soul (/j) :(( yeah that would suck not being able to see them. ohhh ur on the other hemisphere to me! were just going into spring rn. mmm smth to look forward to! YES you put it into words. they rlly are pretty independent from the company (remember how jyp rejected that other dudes songs after like 3 seconds and then how he was apparently nervous to show the song hed written to chan cos chan was so good at writing hits ahhh sweet revenge) mmmYES we rlly need a mute and remove notifications button for our brains dont we?

YES CORRECT i totally agree. some people jsut dont give it a try, adn assume its bad cos its korean smh racist assholes. yes! im coming up to my 6 month anniv actually! sis sAME, i feel like theyre being tugged into appealing to the western american market and theyre not staying as true to their artistic flair as a group, especially with only writing english songs atm. *sigh* ah well, at least theyre bringing recognition to the kpop world. AHUH dead on, theyre going to be discarded pretty soon and then where will bp be? theyll prob go solo paths which is rlly sad but what can you do when the company is run by a prideful asshole? yg is not going to last much longer in the big four if they keep this up.

hehe you get it. oooh very cool! whos ur ult? (sorry if youve said this before) mmmm yeah good decision, i feel liek thats probably a wise decision. this is my first album release as a kpop stan (not counting mixtape oh) so i think ill get it for sentiments sake. yeah! im excited for the new music! mingi was the one who got me into them, but atm my bias is seonghwa followed by san, wooyoung and ateez but jonghos high notes man *swoon* he, yeah atm ive got jake, jay, nikki, jungwon and sunoo down so just trying to get the rest :) heh, yeah kard i rlly only got into cos of bm, ive seen him like interacting with a lot of idols and he seemed nice so i decided to check out the group. ikr gunshot man *another swoon*

no noe! i didnt know what it was until i got it lol. thx toffee ill try and take that to mind :) yeah lol im on a waiting list thats not going to be free until late september so hopefully i can hold on until then. hope ur okay, that sounds like it sucks, hope you can find someone. maybe ill just take you along on my phone and the therapist can get a two for one patient deal lmaooo. mmm, sorry no i havent mentioned it before, i dont rlly talk abt it much. uhhh basically hypermobility? if you google it, it doesnt seem bad, jsut joint flexibility but ive got the severe end of the stick, leaning towards ehlers danlos syndrome so thats fun. basically it just makes it hard for me to exercise, run, jump, stand or just walk for long periods of time and gives me a lot of joint and muscle pain so... thats fun! but obviously so many other people have it worse than me, so i try not to complain. normally in young people it will improve as they get older, but my doctor said bc its severe in me, its unlikely to get much better. but again, i dont have the worst lot in the bunch, so its all g.

oh its good that its not the bad type of rain, a light sprinkling can be relaxing sometimes. aww thx darl, the concern is appreciated but it went pretty well and i managed not to cough too much on stage or kill myself trying to run around to the other side of the stage in the pouring rain so thats good! oooh tea buddies! my dogs a labradoodle, but shes a bit more of a feral poodle lol not much labrador in her at all, unless its her relentless urge to hunt down every bird that has ever walked this earth smh :((( hopefully they can come back on soon, does uni have dances?

ahhh a mood if i ever heard one. hopefully things will get better for you soon, ik anxiety sucks ass. ooh thats always good! when its sunny here, its always melt ur thongs to the pavement hot so the nicely cool sunny days are a lovely change. hehe impatience is not so good for you, but good for us that get to see ur beautiful theme early. ahh no worries, itll come eventually hopefully. and if not, then just things that make you not anxious are good. it doesnt have to be black or white, sometimes gray is good. mmmmm sames i have midterms this week to catch up on and then two weeks of end of terms so thats fun! i hope u can overcome that a little, heres some channie to be ur motivation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8LWyNjzOww. hah! i hear that all the time, he seems to be everywhere. did you see that tiktok of hans slowed back door rap, i stg it sounded EXACTLY like namjoon, it kinda scared me. also teh beginning of another day, sounds so much like joon i swear.

that reminds me! idk ur biases! i feel like this should be smth i should know so please! feel free to elaborate!

ahh im glad, i was worried it is. mmm same, so no hard feelings if either of us misses a day or smth. ill start worrying if weeks/months have gone by, but if its just a little while thats more than fine. ill just picture you studiously completing notes and i wont worry lol

<3 w.a. 🐺

at some point i really think i'm going to start blocking accounts because blocking tags won't be enough. i saw ask tags the other day and it just made me want to bleach my eyeballs.

i could talk about god's menu felix for hours man. the teaser for god's menu that featured his part on the bridge made me look forward to the mv release. you: biases chan, also you: lixiesbabyhands. yes you are more whipped than you think. i can't believe orange haired minho was given NOTHING during that era but they kind of made up for it in the b-sides. i also hope it stays that way. the distribution for this era was pretty fair.

"torturing another poor character's soul" in all honesty, i used to live for this. 2017 me leading up to early 2020 wrote nothing but angst. i have another aussie friend on twt and tbh i'm still really (O.o) about the seasons! jyp should be terrified skz could easily take over that company. heck if skz grow old and start their own company, they'd probably do a great job at running it. PLEASE. i have issues on muting/notifications both mentally and in real life. sometimes, i just wish to disappear.

some people in my country are just disgusting tbh. not only racist but homophobic too. they label kpop as 'gay' and it DISGUSTS me. it's a problematic behavior/mindset people in my country need to fucking get rid of. anyway, HELP ME 6 MONTHS??? and i've been in this shit for like a decade eye. tbh, i’m not fond of kpop groups trying to appeal to the western audience :// it feels like they’re losing their identity in a way. yes recognition but at what cost? yg has my favorite groups but that’s one shitty company when it comes to promoting.

okay my ult! it’s haechan from nct but i consider chan an ult too. like a close second above my whopping list of kpop boys. oh yes! you should get the album just for like a keepsake? remembrance? how did mingi appeal to you? omg did you start getting interested in ateez back when he was still on hiatus? NOT YOU BIASING THE SAME PEOPLE I DID WHEN I FIRST STARTED STANNING. the infamous ateez thot-line. jongho is easily one of the best fourth gen vocalists out here, no one can change my mind :( good luck with memorizing the rest of enhypen! just in time for the comeback too. i hope i’ll get into kard soon but i’m pretty content (and a tad bit overwhelmed) with the amount of groups i stan right now.

please hold on though, feel free to vent here if you like. thanks for the offer tho HAHA but like i’ll try to get checked here too when the cases die down a bit. i’m sorry to hear about your condition though :( please don’t ever overwork yourself to the point that your joints/muscles would ache. it’s completely valid to complain about it tho. i get that you have others in mind but keeping that mindset really doesn’t do you (like you internally) any better? so if you need to, vent your frustrations out and don’t keep it in.

oh my god, about your performance last sunday. was the stage out in the open? glad you didn’t cough too much and did well on your concert. i’m proud of you! i can never understand dogs and poor birds T_T uni doesn’t have dances unfortunately. i think there’s just one party at the end like a graduation ball. what year are you in anyway? if it’s something that you’re fine with sharing. if not, it’s cool.

good luck with your exams! and thanks for the link! AHA what a cutie. i think he does this motivation thing once in a while during his lives and it’s just comforting. yeah joon and han my irl just freaked when we made that discovery. ult crumbs for her. oh god not me forgetting about every biases when you asked. you can ask for my biases in a few groups just list down the one’s you’re interested in knowing. 

i missed yesterday because i was grinding and finishing what if we stay + school work. finally did it today. i’m sure i’ll reply in like a day or two, definitely not a month unless i state otherwise. if i ever decide to abandon this blog, i’ll let you know.

[taonsil]

waddup jay !!! me n my friend decided to get a job at like walmart or target (mostly target bc walmart is spooky at night) n now we're just,,,,,figuring out how to actually get a job ;; i wanted to maybe start doing commissions when i got older or something that i can do at home n still get money but like,,,,who would buy my stuff lol idk anyone and i only talk to like two people altogether. i dunno !!! im just rlly nervous of doing an interview bc i cant talk !!!

waddups kgjfsdg i stutter too much and my tongue gets stuck too much n my brain zones out in the middle of my sentences so !! im rlly not a good choice for a job tbh ;; but !! i gotta get money so i can do stuff !!! and get stuff i need !!! and just function !!! college is kinda out of the answer unless it’s online bc i can barely deal with normal school ;; im just !!! rlly confused !!! and worried !!! and scared !!! how do i function in society !!! 

aaaannnyywwaaayyy im gonna stop being all !!! rn i just wanna draw or edit but i cant bc i get too frustrated ;; aahhh tao was sorta stressing me out last night bc one of the page admins was like “we’re gonna be busy this month haha” n my mental health,,,,is not ready,,,,,,,,,,but i know i can do it just as long as i let myself not get too anxious n aahh with it ig,,,,,idk !! but i hope you have a good day n you drink enough water n that you’re not too stressed out !!! bye bye

ayo~~ sorry for replying late, I was out unexpectedly;; good luck with your job searching tho~~ my ex worked at wm and found they were super nice about their gender ID and physical/mental health requirements ! idk if that’s a general experience or they just got lucky but, of people I’ve known they’ve found work in places like that pretty good for being nice if u struggle with things a bit~ (also dont give up on the idea of commissions or anything ; u; that was what I wanted to do when I was in my mid teens n it seemed impossible but it worked out~) n ye there’s tons of things you could do online ! there’s so many opportunities to do things that don’t require having to be great at being a person in society ;;

aksjdn I sympathise with tao stress..he is gonna be super active this month, but at least the roadshows seem pretty short and uneventful. I’m sure you’re doing it fine tho~~ taozi wouldn’t want you getting stressed out over him :c 

aa..I had an unexpected hell day yesterday asjd but its over and sorted a problem out and I got to spend today just lazing around and cooing at suyeol so that’s nice~~ I hope you’re having an ok day today too 💖

[onlyjihoons]

boyfriend!jaemin pt2

@nananavivienne :  hi mgirl!! if you're taking requests, could you do a boyfriend! jaemin one? i fjkbiabh loved your hyuck one uM i felt personally attacked reading that????

thank you for requesting omg and also for liking my hyuck bf!au im rlly touched aHHHH❤💕💖

so i did a bf!jaemin the last time around and i said that i would do a part 2 so here it is! i do suggest reading the first one first so you can get the hang of what i’m babbling about here hehe

and it has been raining since last night, and the weather rn is super comfy i want to sleep ugh 

hi friends 

we are back w a part 2 of bf!jaemin

shall we start

ok let’s go

so

you and jaemin have been together for like, let’s say, 100 days?

and on friday it was the day of your dance recital and 100 days anniversary

so jaemin wanted to surprise u w lots of things

bc you have been there when he was feeling stressed about debuting etc

but his wallet restricts him from doing so

he specially requested to become the emcee of your dance recital

no doubt all of his fangirls were so hyped bc they could see their oppa on stage

but this oppa is alr yours so they felt stumped but nonetheless excited

yo and get ready for lots of mushy and fluffy stuff so:

bare with me friends

so on that day jaemin would introduce himself (duh)

and all his fangirls were screeching

rip jeno was seated beside them

“to celebrate the eve of seollal, we have our school’s dance majors performing this morning!please put your hands together to welcome them!”

and being a ballet major aka me

ya’ll did a ballet/classical version of Secret by WJSN

its rlly short and ngl you had to rush to backstage to change to the street dance outfit

so jaemin spotted you running to backstage to change and 

gif:

“babe!!!!!!” -clingy jaemin

“why are you like this omg”

“happy 100th babe ;-)”

ngl it totally slipped your mind that it was your 100th day anniversary

“omg im so sorry i totally forgot,, happy 100th to you too oppa!”

and you planted a quick peck on his lips and ran off to go and change cause damn jaemin made you late

as soon as you ran off he was bLuShInG

but its ok bc it was one of the rare times you initiated skinship awh

and after the performance emcee jaemin wrapped up with a very special ending ment

“today is y/n and i’s 100th day anniversary, this might come as a shock to all of us but please give y/n lots of love as much as i do”

gif:

pls don’t kill me

then everybody was cheering and stuff

including the teachers

YOU GUYS ARE COUPLE GOALS TBVH

mark lowkey cried

ok and after the whole fiasco you went backstage and everyone were cheering for you and jaemin

and you hid your face in jaemin’s chest blushing so so hard

yo and he made it worse by holding you closer and burying his head next to yours

save me

after school jaemin brought you to eat

bc eating churros on your 100th anniversary why not

and jaemin followed you home after that

you didn’t know why so you pressed him,

“did you do something wrong, oppa?”

“no”

“then why are you following me all the way back home?”

“because i want to let your parents know that we’re dating”

with that you turned the opposite way

“are you crazy?! my parents don’t want me to date till i’m older! what’s more they will force you to break up with me since it might create scandals with your idol life!”

jaemin’s kind looks dissipated and frowned,

“so you don’t want to be my girlfriend anymore? because of my idol status?”

“n-no..”

“is it because of the hate? y/n! i have told you countless times that i will bear the consequences and no matter what we will be in this together!”

you had nothing to say and you let tears stream down your face

“i thought you would trust me, y/n. i guess not.”

with that he walked off into the distance

ngl you broke down immediately on the staircase of your home 

and you didn’t know how to react

jaemin was not having it nice either

he was holding in his emotions all the way back to his dorm

and when he came back mark sensed it immediately

“jaemin-ah! how was-”

*slam*

mark tried knocking on jaemin’s door several times but to no avail

when jaemin heard mark’s footsteps go away he immediately burst into tears

for an hour or so

then the door opened

it was his roommate, jeno

“what happened?”

“nothing”

“is it regarding y/n?”

and jaemin burst into tears again

his best friend patted him on the back and comforted him many times

basically jaemin and you cried yourselves to sleep

the next day nct dream were excused from school for practice

as soon as jaemin stepped on his hoverboard he felt a sharp pain on his spine

and the usually good jaemin fell off his hoverboard a few times

mark was legit concerned so he alerted his manager 

and he went to the hospital

turns out jaemin had a herniated disc 

luckily sm let him rest and get treated in the hospital

tbh the news spread fast and soon everyone in class were gossiping 

you had no idea why as you tried to call jaemin countless times but he didn’t pick up

and your bff was like

“y/n! did you know what happened to jaemin sunbaenim?”

“uhh no, we kinda fought yesterday”

“he had a herniated disc and he’s in the hospital now”

you literally dropped your books and whipped your phone out of your uniform pocket

“nct dream’s jaemin will not be attending any activities due to his herniated disc”

you literally speed dialed chenle who wasn’t in school

“hello-”

“cHENLE! WHERE IS U”

“woah chill y/n, i’m at practice rn”

“where is jaemin oppa?!?!?”

“he’s at the dorm-”

“DON’T YOU DARE LIE TO ME ZHONG CHENLE TELL ME WHICH HOSPITAL HE IS AT RIGHT NOW 现在，立刻，马上！(now, immediately, right now)”

i’m having the chinese feels rn 

“wow okay y/n i didn’t know you could speak chinese-”

“just tell me or i will skin you alive when i see you”

“okay okay chill he’s at dongdaemun hospital.”

“good ok i love you chenle have a nice day bye”

with that you literally rushed out of school to board a taxi to the hospital

and wow it was snowing and it created traffic

ngl you were super anxious 

and super sorry 

when you reached you bolted out of the taxi and into the hospital

“excuse me may i know which is na jaemin ward?”

“i’m sorry miss, i’m not able to disclose our patient’s personal information-”

“i’m his girlfriend, y/n. please tell me where he is. please.”

“ah y/n! please follow me”

and so you followed the nurse to the swanky part of the hospital

like the vip wards

“jaemin-ssi has been asking for you ever since he has been warded, but please be reminded he is not allowed to move okay?”

you thanked the nurse and entered the ward nervously

“oppa?”

jaemin’s eyes flickered open from his slumber and he was shocked

“y-y/n...”

jaemin was seated upright due to his spine

seeing jaemin in the helpless state made you cry

and you broke down immediately

“y/n! why are you crying?did i do something wrong?”

you just walk over to his bedside and burried your head in his hands and cried

“i’m so sorry if i made you doubt yourself oppa, i have been a really bad girlfriend”

jaemin just smiled and shook his head,

“its okay babe, stop crying. i’m fine now you see?”

as you continued crying jaemin dusted the snow off your puffy jacket and slowly help you take it off

when he saw your uniform underneath he gasped,

“babe!why aren’t you in school?”

“i literally rushed here when i heard the news, and i might have scared chenle a little...”

“you threatened him, did you?

“how did you know?”

gif:

“wow ok”

“what did you do?”

“i said that i will skin him alive if he doesn’t tell me where you were...”

jaemin laughed so hard his sides hurt omg

fastforward 2 months later

you wee in the nct dorms to take care of jaemin after school

bc he’s a literal baby that can’t take care of himself

its actually bc he wanted to see you cook

“baaaaabeeeeee”

“hmm”

“i miss you so much”

“i literally left your side a minute ago”

and you began to whip up some simple dishes

like ramen and sausage and egg

idk and curry too

once you were done you called jaemin over to eat or he would starve to death

“i won’t move unless you give me a kiss”

sneaky

you complied bc injured jaemin is super whiny

when your lips were about to touch jaemin flipped you over to his side

gif:

i shall end it here before i faint

i hope you like it my friends

thank you for reading✨♥

have a nice day/night!

[hinanaha]

1-170 :)

lmfao james i swear to god

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? i wish i was 160cm cause i wanna be short and also then my weight would be healthy lmao2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) we all know i want a norwegian forest cat, and also a lizard would be cute3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? long flowing dress or skirts w blouses4: What was your favorite video game growing up? pokemon5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: my cats, what i will eat and how much a wanna be picked up and spun around one day6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? it wouldnt say anything it`d just have the crying laughing emoji like deepfried on red tape7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? u didnt say anything for this so ill state my opinion on meat which is yuck8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] none rlly fit me tbh9: Are you ticklish? yea….. 10: Are you allergic to anything? nope11: What’s your sexuality? lesbian (femme lesbian specifically)12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? coffee, tho i like all13: Are you a cat or dog person? CAT, im very picky abt dogs14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? elf15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? idk like i dont rlly watch youtube for anyone inparticular i just watch whatever16: How tall are you? 170cm17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? opal, just cause its my middle name and opals are my favourite gemstone18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] about 50kg (ik im underweight if anyone is concerned btw im fine its a sideaffect of one of my medications)19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? yes20: Do you like space or the ocean more? i love sharks and jellyfish so the ocean, however i am fucking scared of octopuses21: Are you religious? nope, never have been22: Pet peeves? men.23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? why does diurnal sound like urinal, but i like the day so that24: Favorite constellation? the pot thing cause its easy to spot25: Favorite star? the biggest one there is26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? i dont rlly see much of a use for them27: Any phobias or fears? arachnophobia, and aslo the dark 28: Do you think global warming is real? um yes definitely, because im not stupid29: Do you believe in reincarnation? i mean there aint even close to enough science backing or not backing it so i couldnt say, im neutral 30: Favorite movie? idk31: Do you get scared easily? id say more anxious then scared, like im a very jumpy and shaky person32: How many pets have you owned in your lifetime? idk like 20+ (chickens count)33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] yes34: What is a color that calms you? peachy colours and whites35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? i would love to hike somewhere someday tbh i think itd be rlly magical, and i love nature so much36: Where were you born? Melbourne37: What is your eye color? blue grey38: Introvert or extrovert? introvert39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? to an extent40: Hugs or kisses? both at the same time41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? honestly kinda wanna see my nan rn for some reason42: Who is someone you love deeply? definitely my mum, she is the most important person to me43: Any piercings you want? i want a nose piercing, maybe a small decorative ring44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? yess i love them, i rlly want a tattoo someday45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? no i dont want to46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! i don`t have one47: What is a sound you really hate? i cannot stand the sound of animals licking themselves48: A sound you really love? wind chimes49: Can you do a backflip? i could if i wanted to50: Can you do the splits? no51: Favorite actor and/or actress? ashley johnston52: Favorite movie? this was already asked lmao53: How are you feeling right now? pretty chill but also kinda sad for no actual reason54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? im feelin a burgundy colour tbh55: When did you feel happiest? nothing specific rlly56: Something that calms you down? music57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] i have ADD also p bad anxiety58: What does your URL mean? mango boba yum59: What three words describe you the most? anti-social goblin witch 60: Do you believe in evolution? i do biology so yes61: What makes you unfollow a blog? they post stuff i dont care abt or triggering content62: What makes you follow a blog? pretty picture63: Favorite kind of person: someone who makes me feel special/loved64: Favorite animal(s): cats, bees, lizards, crows65: Name three of your favorite blogs. idfk tbh66: Favorite emoticon: im not on mobile but the sparkling heart one67: Favorite meme: i dont have a favourite68: What is your MBTI personality type? Infp/intp69: What is your star sign? taurus70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? no they cannot71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? pyjamas72: Post a selfie or two? icbb73: Do you have platform shoes? yes74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? i have a double jointed shoulder on one arm75: Can you do a front flip? yes76: Do you like birds? yes chirp 77: Do you like to swim? no lol it sucks i cant breath well when i swim and it freaks me out78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? ice skating, i love it, would take up lessons if they were available79: Something you wish didn’t exist: flies80: Some thing you wish did exist: giant domestic cats81: Piercings you have? just simple ear piercings82: Something you really enjoy doing: doing creative things w friends83: Favorite person to talk to: u already know its the council 84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? funny mem85: How many followers do you have? 168 (i had 470 on my old blog)86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? ye but not always87: Do your socks always match? yes88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? yeah89: What are your birthstones? idk90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? surprising but id be a fox not a cat91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? lavenders baby92: A store you hate? bendigo iga, its shit93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? 1 otherwise my hands shake94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? neither tbh95: Do you like to wear camo? ii guess if it looks good96: Winter or summer? summer97: How long can you hold your breath for? a pretty long time actually, once held my breath for 3 minutes underwater98: Least favorite person? my dad99: Someone you look up to: no one100: A store you love? i dont like kpop anymore, but the owners of happytown were always so nice to me so i rlly like that store because of that101: Favorite type of shoes converse102: Where do you live? austrlia103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? im vegetarian, but i eat mostly vegan food, i rlly like animals and dont like the idea of eating them, also eating too many animal products can be unhealthy 104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? opal105: Do you drink milk? ye but not on its own106: Do you like bugs? yes, silly creetures107: Do you like spiders? im scared of them108: Something you get paranoid about? i dont rlly get paranoid much, but i sometimes get rlly paranoid something be watching me109: Can you draw: ye, reblog my art pls @yumeuwu110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? i cant remember lmao111: A question you hate being asked? i cant think of anything112: Ever been bitten by a spider? nope113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? yeah its pretty nice114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? both i guess,  tho respectfully to their matching seasons115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: id cuddle my future gf rn :`)116: Favorite cloud type: .. w… poofy cloud117: What color do you wish the sky was? yellow would be pretty, but not piss yellow cause that`d be weird118: Do you have freckles? yea faint ones119: Favorite thing about a person: their lips, lips pretty120: Fruits or vegetables? veggies121: Something you want to do right now: sit on a warm hill in silence122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? sky123: Sweet or sour foods? im more of a savoury person124: Bright or dim lights? dim, sexy125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? i mean it aint impossible126: Something you hate about Tumblr: pointless discourse127: Something you love about Tumblr: nice people128: What do you think about the least? idfk129: What would you want written on your tombstone? oh my fuckin god she fuckin dead130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? no one, but im always ready to punch something131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? im very very selfless, which is nice but also makes me rlly sad sometimes132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? nah133: Computer or TV? computer134: Do you like roller coasters? hell yeah, they fun135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? i get motion sickness136: Are your ears lobed or attached? lobed137: Do you believe in karma? i guess138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? probably a 7, like im p cute139: What nicknames do you have/have had? uhhh anepeace (die mr flanagan that nickname is so ugly)140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? no, not that desperate yet (no offence to those who do have them im sure ur lovely)141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? yeah i see a psychologist monthly and also psychiatrist 142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? id like to say good143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? recieving144: What makes you angry? assholes145: How many languages do you speak fluently? 1146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? girls ;3147: Are you androgynous? nah148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: i have nice shoulders149: Favorite thing about your personality: i try to be considerate of others 150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. idk151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? honestly fine w this one152: Do you like BuzzFeed? some things153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] dont have one :((154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? nah155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? yea, prefer people playing w my hair tho156: What embarrasses you? anything that puts me at the centre of attention among strangers157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: loud noises158: Biggest lie you have ever told: i dont rlly tell lies so notin159: How many people are you following? i cbb to check160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? 7000+161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? 1162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? idfk163: Last time you cried and why: i cried cause i saw a floofy cat164: Do you have long or short hair? short hair165: Longest your hair has ever been: hip length166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? most religious views ive heard make no sense when compared to science so i dont rlly believe it167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? nah168: Do you like to wear makeup? sometimes169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? no im weak170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? ye

[harshita-the-sassmaster]

rn im in a hotel room and i’m going to twitter tomorrow for a program i applied for.. and to think a year ago was BALL. time goes by so quickly. things are so different...i’m still w Colin?? I’m happy with myself. i hope for more self-growth because I feel like a happier person. 

i am so much more grateful for everything in my life -- my health, my family, the opportunity to get an education, the caring and supportive peers/ friends that i have, and just myself too. 

i’ve really grown to really love myself, and i’m definitely not as sensitive as i used to do be. ofc, i know i could be smarter. i know i could be more efficient at studying. i know i could focus more. but i think i’m really just trying to live my life with a balance. my mental health is at a good place because i feel like most of the time, i feel good or ok about my life. yes, i stress a lot and get anxious easily, but that’s lowkey my personality i realized ( lol) i say this as i sit chilling in this chair @ hotelzelos!! but like i know i’m just trying to find a balance. 

yesterday was the first time i was ever lit at a frat event, and ngl it was soo much better lmfao like what did i do being sober at all the frat things i went to in the past. this really good looking guy ( with a nice ass body omg) told me i was sexy but i was like i have a boyfriend!!! still a good compliment. he asked me if my bf was white and i was like yeh! and he laughed and iwas like why is that funny!! and he was like you’re into white guys. funny story, he transferred from ucla? like wow??? anywho i kept saying the boyfriend thing lols. THIS other beautiful girl came up to me and called me pretty and honestly that was so kind i love girls who are loving. at a certain point i came across this guy who was in my math and cs classes first quarter who used to always (lowkey or highkey??) look at me and i think he called me hot?and i quote, he said, “ oh shit, girls notice?” like homie idk about others but i’m p damn transparent. 

i talked to my mom about struggles i’ve been having with colin today, and she did the most wonderful thing. she just listened. she didn’t say anything about her disapproval. she kinda just listened and it was so nice to trust my mom. 

i’m actually pretty sad about not having an internship, but IM A SWE OFFICER! for next year :))) <3 i’m excited. also hope it entails more opportunities. but i hecka need to practice my coding next year. 

what i realized is that honestly, things do happen for a reason. the one thing i get really nervous abotu sometimes is about the 3 years of engineering ahead of me, but i need to realize that i can do it. i’ve withstood bullying, no self esteem, anxiety/ depression, endless fights w parents during my terrible teen phase, and fucking long distance, and 11 fricking ap exams. gotta keep my gpa at a 3.4 tho lol. this quarter, that might be a strug lol. gotta stay above at a 3.1 at least LMAO. life gets a little hard academically for my sometimes tho. hopefully i did ok on my physics test (lol). it was rlly hard but i gave it my all. despite sickness and allergies :))))))))

side note. thursday night rohan and this other girl im friends w were at late night and relationships and long distance came up. and honestly i had a realization that distance isnt rlly working out for me. and like i think that i love colin, but it doesn’t feel the same anymore. idk if its the stress but we’re gonna have to “reevaluate” during the summer if i can’t be more affectionate? which frankly idk if i can do, so let’s see what happens. i just feel like we could never have a clean, drama-free breakup. i feel like there would be some sort of blocking on social media. some sort of we can’t see each other at social events. idfk what im doing w my life. eric and ananya are still doing distance? so are holly and boris? idk. why am i so interpretative of this. anyways. 

i rlly should get back to math soon. i miss going to the gym. goals when i get back: make sure to go to the gym and play bball! exercise is good for me. might help w my sleep anxiety. 

don’t you sometimes wanna know how your life works out? because i sure do. college and academic wise. relationship wise. 

i rlly hope my mom has her own house by the end of this year. that’s honestly something that would be so amazing.