#and im not sure what to do with them but boy howdy am I feeling them

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

do—

Do Howdy and Barnaby ever get together in your human au 🥺🥺

of course they do, who do you think i am

oh BOY do i have things to say about human!Laughingstock! im so unwell about them allow me to talk and talk and talk and ta-

~

so in this au they're like... the ultimate slowburn. their feelings for each other slowly simmer and grow over the course of *checks nonexistent watch* a lil over a decade i think. it's not very dramatic - just soft & silly w/ just a heap of pining and a pinch of angst for Flavor

it starts when they were teens - Howdy had a lil crush on Barnaby in middle school. and how could he not? Barnaby was cute, hilarious, and kind. at this point, they weren't friends! Barnaby knew Howdy's name, but only because they'd shared a school since elementary (as with 6/7 of the other neighbors) & speaking from experience, you just Know Those Names. Howdy slowly "grew out of" this crush, especially when the friend group started forming and he & Barnaby became actual friends.

that crush would fluctuate over the years. It starts out strong and then softens into just this hum in the back of Howdy's mind. always there, often easy to ignore, just... part of him, in a way.

Barnaby has a similar experience. when he and Howdy became friends, he got a lil crush - how could he not? Howdy was cute, laughed at all of his jokes and had a few of his own, and was endearingly eccentric. but at the time, Barnaby didn't recognize the crush for what it was. so he elected to ignore it until the crush dwindled to something easily manageable, something he wouldn't realize is still there. as with Howdy's, it'd never fully go away

and its noticeable enough to their friends that they'd all kinda side-eye how touchy Howdy & Barnaby are with each other (Barnaby is a physical guy, but damn. if Howdy is nearby they Will find a way to be touching at all times), the way they always laugh at each others jokes, the way they always ask "where's [x] / is [x] coming with" whenever the other is absent. but the group couldn't be sure if they were looking into it or not. it's too subtle. over time they get so used to it that they don't bat an eye - Howdy is Barnaby's best friend after Wally. of course they're close!

but then there's this one college party Howdy drags Barnaby to (and by extension, Wally). they're drunk off their asses, Wally's edible has kicked in, the party is pretty chill and everyone is having a decent time. all three of them are on the couch, and Barnaby and Howdy start drunk-complimenting each other. naturally, this feeds their mutual attraction, and one thing leads to another! they make out on the couch. naturally with Wally sandwiched between them, snacking on chips and committing the moment to memory (it's a surprise tool that'll help them later!) neither Barnaby nor Howdy will remember this

now, something i'd like to state for Barnaby in this au! he has had a lot of relationships - from one night stands to actually dating someone for months. sometimes the one night stands were a "he takes someone home after a date, & they leave while he's sleeping and ghost him" situation. with actual dating, the other person always breaks things off after a few weeks, if not days. it breaks Barnaby's heart a little bit every time. to the point where in his mid-20s, he just... stops dating. he avoids other people's advancements towards him, he always takes a friend with him to bars/etc as a buffer, he becomes an expert at gracefully turning people down

("why, pray tell" no one asks "do they always leave him? he's such a catch!" that he is! when he was in school, it was his friend group. he'd try to introduce his 'girlfriend' to his friends, and it'd be an immediate "eugh, you're friends with those freaks? no way!" as an adult, people found it off-putting how (by societal standards) unusually close he was with Wally. also, again, a "weird" friend group. they'd think it's too much, or just not their scene, or 'why don't you date your little blue haired boyfriend', etc. Barnaby never holds it against Wally or his friends. he has the mindset of if that person was the one, they would accept every part of Barnaby - and his friends are indeed part of him. Howdy has also dated around a little, but to a much lesser extent. he's too busy! he doesn't have time for that!)

but the ball really starts rolling in their late 20s. something the group does together - as a fun lil rare hobby - is LARPing. they get really into it! Sally made them all custom costumes, Julie helped make the weapons (like a giant sword for herself), etc etc. they fully commit to the bit (even Frank <3). so at this event's point in the timeline, Eddie is fully integrated into the clique, but that's unimportant - just to show where we are!

so they're all doing their thing, it's a pretty big LARP event - there's always way more people than our dear neighbors, yk. they're just part of the crowd! & there's a big battle hosted, the group is split between teams, but Barnaby & Howdy are on the same side! yay! during the battle, Barnaby is "mortally wounded." Howdy half-drags him away from the main battle under the cover of their teammates (including Eddie and Julie) and sits him down by the tree. now, Howdy & Barnaby are the ones who get into the roleplay the most. they get lost in the sauce! they perform the hell out of everything they do!

& since Barnaby is "dying", he really acts like it. Howdy acts accordingly, but again, they get a little too emotional, a little too into it, a little lost in the sauce. genuine tears are in their eyes, Howdy's voice is genuinely shaking a little as he holds Barnaby in his "dying moments" (Barnaby is holding the sword between his arm and his side. he has ketchup on his armor.) Eddie and Julie are getting choked up just watching this happen. and as Howdy & Barnaby look into each others' tear-filled eyes, those little feelings that have been so quiet for so long come right back babey! full force! but then they all get hit with "arrows" and have to die right there and then, and the moments over. but! both Barnaby & Howdy walk away from this LARP session grappling with Partially Realized Feelings.

Barnaby struggles with this the most, since yk at this point he's sworn off dating. he's being careful with his heart! but when he tells Wally all of this, cause he tells Wally everything, Wally's like "oh. yes, i know! remember that one college party where you two kissed for an hour". and then he goes on to point out every instance where he's thought "right, Howdy and Barnaby are in love" (bc Wally is way more observant than he lets on! he saw that shit! his peepers were peepin!)

BUT IT'S STILL A SLOW BURN BABEY!

Barnaby and Howdy don't approach each other about this. they're both in the boat of "well, i'll just keep going and see what happens" to the point where they're practically dating without ever saying anything to each other. Howdy notices how Barnaby lingers around the store more. Barnaby notices how Howdy keeps turning up at his work to talk more. (they already chat so much...) but they still! dont! say! anything! but they both Know! they're not emotionally circling each other they are Dancing to their Own Music!

and Barnaby is letting himself believe that this can work because, well... Howdy already accepts him as he is. Howdy is part of the group. Howdy loves Wally just like the rest of em. Howdy has seen Barnaby at his (presumed) worst and didn't even flinch! as for Howdy, well, he just thinks this is right! his whole life no one has really caught his eyes or heart, but Barnaby is different. he's always been in Howdy's peripherals. it feels natural to love him so deeply. Barnaby slots into his life like the final piece of a puzzle!

there's a lot of stuff that happens in this inbetween state - Howdy's store burns down & almost takes him with it, there's some family drama that needs to be handled, The Crash happens, etc etc etc - so it's a while before they "actually" get together. but they're both patient! they've waited this long, even if they didn't know they were waiting. neither of them are in a rush. they're young. they have time.

[bunnakit]

what shows are you currently watching? (shows that are airing weekly rn, no older shows)

for each one, list two things that you love about them and one thing you would like to see in future episodes!

ohohoo what a treat (finally getting to some of your amazing prompts anon, i assume its the same person but i apologize if im wrong)

Bake Me Please - I absolutely love the aesthetics of this show. They show off some of the most beautiful cakes and pastries and it's just gorgeous. I also love the way each person in the show is broken in one way or another; generational trauma, childhood trauma, dreams that feel out of reach, etc.

After my rant today I think we all know the one thing I want, NEED, to see is Shin apologize to Peach. I cannot stand the idea of Peach bearing all the emotional work for this relationship.

Cherry Magic 30 - So I'm coming at this from a place of knowing nothing about the originals. I'm really enjoying Karan just in general, his thoughtfulness, his care, all of it. He reminds me of a quote from episode 3 of The Last of Us: "Paying attention to things is how we show love." I'm also really enjoying the importance the show is putting on consent as well as Achi's care to make sure he isn't taking advantage.

I'm really going into this right now with no opinions, no theories, I'm just along for the ride. I hope we see some more cat thoughts, I guess.

Cooking Crush - I really wasn't sure if I was going to stick this one out. It's a little too goofy for my tastes but OffGun's chemistry is doing a lot of heavy lifting for me, so that's one of the things I'm enjoying. I'm also enjoying the playfulness of Ten and Prem and this cute courtship they have going on.

I hope Fire's mom explodes.

Last Twilight - You guys have seen my meta posts. I could wax poetic about this show all day long. Thus far I ADORE how they're treating Day's disability and showing how important him maintaining his agency is. I'm also really enjoying Mhok's perspective as a caretaker and the way he adapts and learns every day. I've been both - I'm currently disabled and I was a caretaker for five years. This show is so near and dear to my heart already.

I really hope we see what the hell is going on between Night and Day. Like, we have to, right?

Pit Babe - I'm an omegaverse bitch. I'm sorry, it's my guilty pleasure. One of the first things I do when I get the brainrot for something is go see if there are any good omegaverse fics (I'm very picky, we don't like misogyny or thinly veiled transphobia in this house, no thanks.) I'm enjoying seeing the worldbuilding of this show so far as well as each of the characters and their personalities. Everyone, even North and Sonic, feel like fully fleshed out people and I'm very much enjoying that.

I hope Way explodes - No, I hope we see them build more on the omegaverse aspect of things. I wanna see a man get pregnant. I also want to see a woman, just one woman, just a single one. Where are the women?

Playboyy - BOY HOWDY. Listen, I'm mostly watching this to avoid FOMO. I'm asexual, the sex is doing nothing for me really. The wet noises make me scream and throw my headphones off. I AM enjoying the mystery aspect of the plot a lot, I'm very curious where that is going. I'm also very much enjoying the exploration of different sexualities, like the hints that Soong and Zouey might be demisexual.

Obviously I want to know what the fuck happened to Nant, but I also just want to see more Prom. Also wanna see Aob become soft for Puen.

The Sign - My absolute beloved. I'm obsessed, I'm going to be obsessed forever I fear. The mythology is just fucking superb, the yearning is incredible, the action is great, the friendships phenomenal. I could go on and on about everything I love about this show. It's everything to me and I know I'm going to be a WRECK when it inevitably ends.

I can't wait for Phaya and Tharn to fuck, sure, but I can't wait for them to be in love. I can't wait to see them hold each other gently, look for reassurances in each other, and I hope they each regain at least some memories of their past selves and maybe how much they loved each other.

[crayonurchin]

It's been a long time since i felt like im going nowhere in life, but boy howdy today sure has those vibes

Is my art and writing even good? Why wont publishers take me, i know I'd work hard, and if anyone bought commissions I'd make them so pretty. I can't do a 9-5 it's too much on my psyche but am i just being entitled?

Mcm London comiccon didnt approve my October application. Do people not like my soap? Nobody buys it on my shop. Why do i keep investing in it.

Am i ever going to feel human around other people? Even with other neurodiverse folk i feel to alien to be really present.

C-ptsd. It sucks. Why did adult men hurt me so many times as a child.

I want to be an OCD warrior, but lately i just feel tired. OCD is a fire that won't stop burning and I'm out of water to douse it.

Im 28. I live with my parents and dont see myself independent any time soon. I think i want a partner but what if im lithromantic? Doomed to yearn but unable to ever have without hurting others? Is it actually gender ocd or am i in denial? I think i want kids but adoption has so many ways to hurt families and what if i hurt the kid with my own bullshit?

Im trying to stay realisticly positive but today is not a strong day for me.

I am proud of my efforts but im greedy and wish i had more to show for it.

[lostgirlmuseum]

cadence my beloved

howdy howdy!!

how are you?

how’s school?

anything interesting going on lately?

(kisses your head and hands you shiny objects)

💕💕💕hope you’re doing well💕💕💕

River my beloved!!! Thank you for reaching out 🥺 I am doing okay, I've just been somewhat busy and haven't found the energy to do much on tumblr. And like I've considered posting about life here but I know thats not what ppl follow me for and i dont want to annoy anyone lol

School is okay, I don't have too much work going on rn which is nice! Mostly what's been keeping me busy and my mind occupied is boys (half affectionate half derogatory) lmao

Long story short(ish. I can't for the life of me tell short stories, I blame the A.D.D.) there was this guy that asked me out on a couple dates a while ago and he was super sweet but I just wasn't really feeling it and I accidentally ghosted him for nearly a week bc I was so stressed about seeing him again (I didn't really want to but I know my therapist wanted me to try this)(side note, she's great, i love her).

Anywho, one day last week I was simply sitting outside in a grassy area on campus doing hw w/ a friend when a guy came up to me asking if I had seen a girl w/ a ferret (Thats a story for another time lol) and i was like "yes I have! But shes gone already :(" and he was like "do you have any photos" and i was like "yes i do!" so i gave him my # to send him the photos... and then he started texting me lol. and I thought he was cute and I hung out with him last monday and we saw Madame Web yesterday

(it was... um.. certainly a movie. It movied. It was fun but it was not good lol) and then we had lunch today and idk if my social battery plummeted or if I just got in my own head but suddenly I wasn't feeling it and now I am def in my own head.

Im not giving up tho i think I just need to recharge. I hope. I hope I'm not hopeless. I'm scared. Part of me is like I should text him too make sure he's not worried that I don't like him bc I dont want him to stress but another part of me is like DO NOT CONTACT ME FOR 2-3 BUSINESS DAYS I NEED TO THINK. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY NOT THINK.

On a different note, a couple hours ago I finally found the motivation to write which hasn't happened in a bit! I wrote the first scene of Honey pt. 2, yay!

Ok, enough rambling, how are you?? How is your life, anything interesting/new going on? And thank you for the head kisses and shiny objects, I'm sending them back tenfold. 💕💕💕

[stagnantmako]

ooc.

this is another 'this goes here so i don't scream at twitter' rant but

so im a huge horror fan. horror games, horror movies, horror novels - horror is my jam. and horror is more than jumpscares and 'cozy horror'. horror is frequently entirely in a character's psyche - in their actions. that's why shit like 'psycho' is a classic.

this month i have seen so many stupid, rancid takes on horror movies from people who are just genuinely incapable of understanding the meaning of a story unless it's spoonfed to them.

a few months ago i watched an analysis video on some game i truly do not care about for background noise and the whole thing was the person not... understanding that the disconnect between the player character and her environment was the entire point of the story. her denial was meant to be frustrating. as you go on you're supposed to realize she's so deeply, deeply in her delusional denial that she will ignore obvious evidence in front of her face and invent reasons why its wrong.

it was meant to be a story where someone refuses to acknowledge what is in front of their face.

but the essayist was. under the belief. that the game devs were explicitly condoning the bad thing that was done. they were calling them disgusting monsters, arguing that they were definitely pedophiles. i went from 'this is background noise' to stopping what i was doing to watch the actual gameplay and growing more, and more, and more concerned.

in this same video, the person admitted that they read lolita and did not realize that hh was meant to be the antagonist. they were unable to recognize his actions as monsterous because he was the narrator.

and BOY HOWDY that sure did NOT MAKE ME FEEL CONFIDENT IN THIS PERSON BEING ABLE TO UNDERSTAND MEDIA IN ANY CAPACITY that's like giant, waving red flags in 'I AM EASILY SWAYED BY PROPAGANDA BECAUSE I CANNOT THINK ON THE DEEPER REASONS I AM BEING SHOWN THINGS'

i see the horror discourse on twitter and i see rn that the big takeaway is "IF THE STORY IS NOT CONDEMNING THIS THEN IT'S GOOD" and i am sure as fuck realizing that due to funding being stripped from the education system we have a whole generation of people who cannot grasp a story more complex than an aesop's fable. Because the stories they’re citing DO condemn it, but no one is turning to the camera to lay it out for you.

god i hate it i hate the fact that people full on cannot grasp that portrayal doesn't equal condoning and EQUALLY DOES NOT EQUAL condoning in real life

the horror is meant to come from the character's being so psychologically broken that whatever aberrant behavior they're doing is. being done in the first place. your inability to understand common tropes is not the fault of the creator, its a failing in your education.

[baldursgate3gayz]

Soap Pt.3 (Gortash x M!Trans Named Durge)

Word Count: 554

Thanatos woke up to his head throbbing with white-hot, searing pain, and his ears rang as if his brain was screeching. He was lying on a hard surface, body completely nude, and every single inch of him ached. His lower back itched, and it felt like there was some cold, viscus unmoving on it. The half drow tried to open his eyes, but he struggled for a few moments as the pain in his head worsened. When he finally managed to pry it open, there was a twinge of sickening disappointment as his right eye was still blinded. He fought to sit up enough to get a look around at his surroundings, all while his brain pounded in his skull. Much to his shock, he was in Gortash’s office before the Banite’s desk. He looked over to the window, which was still slightly ajar, and the bloody rag Thanatos had been using to cover his eye still sat in front of it on the ground. This confused the Bhaalspawn. How did he end up in Gortash’s office? 

A chill ran through him. He reached into his messy brain, remembering hazy memories of a bath, the taller man’s traveling fingers, and a warm, soft bed, but how did he end up here? Worry began to naw at him. Had… Had Thanatos made up the entire night in his twisted, bloodless brain? Had he crawled through to the Lordling’s office and passed out on the floor? Gortash had clear rules about unnecessary blood in his home, which included the Bhaalspawn’s so maybe he…

Maybe he stripped the half drow down and left him on the floor as punishment, or perhaps it was for some sick entertainment to the man, or maybe it was both. Nauseous swirled in his gut as the pain in his head intensified as shame began to eat through him. He tried to stand, but his legs refused to work; they could only shake and tremble as he put weight on them. Thanatos reached behind him to use the desk as leverage, but his hand slipped when he accidentally dragged an envelope off the desk. Curiosity made him look at the letter in Gortash's handwriting with its elegant gold ink. He’d always loved watching the man writing. What he was not expecting was the letter to be addressed to Thanatos. 

Ravenously, he reached for the letter, ripping the envelope apart and forcing his strained eye to read the small script. It hurt his brain but the pain was worth it as warmth replaced that cold, nervous feeling he had. There was also a giddiness in that feeling, almost like he was reading a lover’s letter. Perhaps Thanatos wasn’t as sick as he deemed himself to be.

Or, just maybe, Enver Gortash was just as sick and twisted as him. 

Thanatos,

I’ve been called away. I expect you can keep yourself safe for the time being. I would prefer not to return to a limb of your gone. Can you be a good boy and manage that? I believe you can; after all, I am telling you to.

Return to my office in a week when I return. This is not a request.

My bath will be open to you anytime from now on. I prefer your body to be clean.

Lord Enver Gortash

Pt. 1

Pt. 2

Howdy there folks, I want to thank everyone who commented and like my posts of this fic! It's been a real highlight of my day and I'm just so grateful :'D I have a sequel planned however Im not sure how long it will take me to write it because I don't have too much time in the day with my job and usually when I come home from work I just want to chill but! I know what happens ajnd the direction so I WILL BE WRITING IT EVEN IF I HAVE TO STRAP MYSELF DOWN AND DO IT

Again thank you for reading about my trash goblin child and his not Banite boyfriend

(BTW these are also on Ao3 here if you want that there too)

[sea-buns]

welp. as of today its been 5 years since i sorta accidentally came out to my parents and got violently beaten over the head with the consequences.

it feels kinda weird to be so aware of today while also being the absolute worst at remembering important dates. but at the same time it does a bit feel like the anniversary of a death? just an abrupt loss of an entire social life and all the supportive friendships and serotonin and confidence that my anxious ass had worked so hard to build. it feels a lot like losing a loved one without ever getting the closure.

also i always think of it as being '2 days before my bday' instead of with the actual date attached. trauma be getting real picky about what sticks with you and what is lost to the adhd void huh :)

i remember a year ago today i was driving home with my mom after having just taken the first major step in seeking help for my mental health issues. and having to resolutely stare dead ahead to keep myself from bawling cuz id just realized what day it was and didnt wanna have to explain how much where i was meant to me.

granted this fifth year has not been great. its maybe been the worst year of them all if im not counting the first lol. i think there might not be much that sucks more than the trial and error of trying to sort out what your "normal" looks like.

cuz every time you fail or something doesnt work the whole house of cards collapses and man did yall know imposter syndrome about mental illness was a thing? cuz BOY HOWDY i sure didnt!

but hey yknow progress is progress. and sometimes thats impossible to believe. and other times i get to bask in how grateful i am to have the freedom i do now and the access to so many sources of happiness that id been so devoid of before <3

[mister-lady]

I swear I fricken hate being genderfluid sometimes (vent/rant)

[goatpaste]

Please ramble on about Hot Pants

oh ohhh my friend i hope you understand the can of worms that is inside me your trying to open because

bOY BOY HOWDY DO I HAVE THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS AND SO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT HOT PANTS IT DRIVES ME CRAZY

I will tell you all the things I think about with Hot Pants if you will also allow me to bring diego along into this. I PROMISE im still focused on Hot Pants but he's important to my thinking I promise.

BUT REALLY HOT PANTS IS SUCH a good character in SBR. and maybe I'm wrong by I'm pretty sure she appears more than Diego does in total by the end of SBR. Hot Pants plays a pretty active role in the story usually being left to supporting and being a bridge from one part of the plot to the other.

Then they kill HP off in the most lamest, cheapest way possible that you can barely tell she died or have time to have remorse. An attack that happens to both Gyro and Johnny, kills HP instantly.

We watch Hot Pants reach a breaking point right before her death where the weight of her guilt for the sins she's held in a vice grip to her heart. She is willing to DIE to try and make up for her past mistakes, she has to, its all she known and held onto. After everything, this must be the answer to her problems, and if it isn't? god help her.

But then it just falls flat and feels like nothing. she just dies...

Hot Pants was under utilized as a character SO much. I think she could have played a WAY bigger role in many many ways.

I really wish SBR had a bigger narratives of finding connections to people after isolation through ones self or outside forces. a collection of people who have lost all their connections and seek a magic cure to fix the things that trouble and ails them and are blinded by the idea of some end goal glory that they will tear each other apart for it without thinking of the lose that can come with that. To have a narrative where they must rely on EACH OTHER and the people around them is what they need. Johnny and Gyro needed each other and others around them. they needed people to grow and shape them.

AND THIS TRULY GOES FOR HOT PANTS SO MUCH. Hot Pants has so much guilt in her heart that she has declared as a great sin that she must harbor alone. What happened with her brother was horrible and a tragedy, this was a horrible circumstance that a YOUNG HP had gone through that lead her to make a rash and DRASTIC choice. She, like all the other main guys are selfish. Weather the choice was understandable or not, in the end she chose her own safety. I WANT TO BE CLEAR. I am NOT bashing HP for this and her "selfishness" is NO where near the scale the rest of them are on, but in the act of choosing her safety over her brothers, that was an act of selfishness. And that will haunt her forever.

Hot Pants then dedicates every OUNCE of her being to repenting. So many years spent dedicated to some divine idea, but it doesn't fix anything. She can never find peace this way, to her she has done something UNFORGIVABLE. Her drive to get the corpse hoping it will be what finally take away the weight and pain of her mistakes away. HP is blinded by the idea of this magic holy corpse, just like Johnny and Diego. Yes killing her brother was horrible, it was a horrible situation, but there are far worse crimes committed by far worse people who have cared a lot less than her. Yet she still feels like she HAS to look up to the stars and gaze to a holy golden light to guide her. She HAS to get that corpse because to her there is NO other way to be forgiven. Hot Pants has let herself be blinded by the holy lights of heaven that carry the idea she can repent and feel better and make up for what she did, she's so blinded she can't even begin to look down from the stars and watch where she's walking among others grounded to earth who need her and that she needs in turn.

Her, Johnny and Diego, and even Gyro are all running in circles all hoping to obtain some goal and letting it blind them.

And this is kinda where I need to bring Diego in.

The way people talked about Diego and Hot Pants, I REALLY assumed these two were partners and hanging out together for most of SBR. but it really is just that last clump of chapters.

NONE THE LESS, their VERY good chapters and their dynamic immediately is vERY FUN and VERY interesting

and it was these two specific pages sat side by side of each other that really set me off. This is when I truly felt in my heart, that Diego and Hot Pants NEEDED each other, just like Gyro and Johnny needed one another on a narrative molecular level... That I wished SO HARD that Diego and Hot Pants HAD met sooner and traveled together if at least on and off...

its the narrative parallels that can be pulled from these pages that sent me spiraling about HP and Diego.

With Hot Pants who tried so fucking hard to reach for heavenly repent since the day with the bear. Hiding her truth and in turn forced to face people she cares about always seeing them as good and innocent, never knowing what they had done wrong in her brothers death, and feeling like she needs to bury herself in guilt and sin vs dio who was born into the bottom of the pit of society, already judged at birth and having to fucking crawl and climb his way to the top for a semblance of glory and to not let the world make him feel like less than dirt...

the way these pages are laid out, Hot Pants main big panel on the top, her whole page being in yellow/golden hues, bathed fully in a divine light that she can't even acknowledge because it will never be what will heal her. No matter what she really thinks, at this point I think she believe the only path to ever stop feeling this way is death.

Then Diego on the bottom panel, blue desaturated panels with him being in shadows. A man who never had anything good given to him in a kind hand beside from his own mother... the only kind hands he's known... and without her he has nothing, nothing but a goal to fight back on the narrative society would try to force him into. He WILL get that corpse and it will be his ticket to finally be above everything else, he will never be looked down on and he will finally have the life he and his mother deserved.

HP is the one who can only feel she had done wrong and will carry that forever, while everyone around her only shows her kindness she feels she never deserved.

While Diego is the opposite to this, he's done no wrong, nothing but be born. By the way of his birth society would already judge him and his mother, his very existence and status in society would be his downfall, and all he did was be born. A young boy who had only been shown scorn, he and his mother didn't deserve it and he will never accept it again. He will not let that corpse go, its his ticket to stand above all. A man with the biggest ego, who can no longer be conventionally good or else the world might take advantage of that again.

How much of their characters circle around their family between Hot Pants feeling she betrayed her own family, their trust and safety and no longer feeling she was deserving to be near them or cared for by them. To bury herself in holy duties hoping to one day be someone who can be forgiven by god himself. Be forgiven or by buried. Not able to see part of the healing was to forgive herself.

Then Diego who only truly had his mother to lean on and trust to be cared for in a world that only saw them as dirt, disposable tools. Then having his own mother riped away from him with no choice in the matter because the world was cruel. Now he can only have himself, the world has never shown him a reason to trust it, only to stand above it and never make him dirt again. Diego can't trust others or not be in control.

And with that I think they needed each other for these exact reasons and parallels.

They woulda been PERFECT foils for one another. HP would bust Diego's ego down a notch by not even give him the time of day to even care to let him know she's disliking him. HP could not be more indifferent to Diego. He is just some guy and he needs someone who would put him in his place. With trust in a person who neither see's him as this grand persona he's put together or as some lowly penniless boy.. shit maybe he doesnt have to stand alone, maybe he can be ok with someone else making choices. maybe with Hot Pants he doesnt have to worry their looking at him through specific leans that will predetermine how Diego will be treated and seen by others.

and HP in turn maybe just need a bit of a crazy guy to get her to do wild thing and deserve to be happy. You've worked hard and shown the world your worth something grand, take what you have earned and never let it go. Ask for more! You are alive, you got to live so dont let yourself waste away a life because your feel a lil sad. Your alive and you have so much to prove and your going to make sure the world doesn't forget it!

I think they really REALLY could have been really good pushes of character for BOTH of them. LIKE in the easiest sense to put it.. Hot Pants could make diego better and Diego could make Hot Pants worse, but in the best way for one another. Diego needs someone to realize he's just some guy and his egos only gonna get him so far. and Hot Pants needs someone to get him to stand up and be a lil selfish and do something because it makes them happy in that moment and not focused on always wondering if what their doing will settle their divine debt of sin.

OK AND MOVING AWAY FROM MY WHOLE SPECIFIC THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ABOUT HP AND DIEGO

I think we could have had VERY solid Plot with Lucy and HP

I think the tubular bells arc coulda been done WAY better with it was about Lucy and HP working together. One, to stop forcing lucy to do all this shit the adults should be doing. Two, using Lucy as a way to open up HP to the past she is haunted by in the form of her brother. Seeing her late brother in Lucy in these subtle ways and HP not knowing how to deal with these feelings. she CANT let herself get attached or connected, she lot her brother, she MURDERED her brother, she isnt allowed to replace him and be happy.

but.. she can't let it happen again. She can't let Lucy throw herself into danger... oh god she can't watch Lucy walk into the mouth of the beast, Hot Pants can't let it happen again.

Its exactly what she needs. Connections and things that ground her and make her realize killing herself to get some holy corpse is never going to be what makes her feel better...

HP and Lucy infiltration also woulda been narratively way better with like, HP seducing the presidents wife and it being funny and awkward because like.. its Hot Pants lol. im mostly just saying this because it woulda been funny.

and Lucy getting corned in by tubular bells while getting to Valentine while Hot Pants keeps up distractions. HP ultimately failing at getting all the corpse part back and mission failure because she choses to save Lucy instead of recover the holy corpse...

PLAYING IN PARALLEL TO JOHNNY AND GYRO AT THE END OF THE SUGAR MOUNTAIN ARC ALSO ALSO

I WISH MORE PEOPLE WERE FRIENDLY AND TREATING LUCY LIKE A LIL SISTER/DAUGHTER AND NOT GROSS

Lucy and HP as siblings would have meant the WORLD to me...

ANYWAYS this ended up very long, but I actually expected that to happen. I warned you lol

but YEAH im on 2 hours of sleep in the last 24hrs or whatever so this is a bit rambly and messy thoughts from me, but the general idea is there lol

LITRALLY TO if any of my beloved mutuals want to chime in I want to hear and share your thoughts on the matter,, i know some people brought up great Hp Points/HP and Diego Points in the server and I just love feeling like this talking about HP

[evevoli]

Hey Ev! Sorry to pester you again, but I came across your Hunter playlist on Spotify and it is very good!! I was wondering if you would be willing to kinda share yout thoughts on it, or like behind it? Why you chose the songs you chose for it and in that specific order and stuff, it'd be cool to hear! Also just,,, the three last verses of Dear Wormwood after Thanks To Them.... oh.... Oof, even... Anycase have a nice day! 🌻

oh boy howdy i have been waiting to hear these words all my life

i promise you are not pestering me at all bdjfjdjfks i am frothing at the MOUTH at the opportunity to talk about this damn thing lol. this stupid playlist is my magnum opus my baby i have spent like 2 hours meticulously organizing it yes im normal why do you ask

the hunter playlist in question for everyone else

the playlist's structure is generally meant to follow hunter's growth as a person, starting from pre-canon childhood to the present, and is at times loosely based on the five stages of grief. (this "grief" being the revelation that his entire life has been a lie.) to split it into sections, the first 20 songs are meant to catalogue hunter's experience being raised by belos and rise to the position of the golden guard. 21-27 is his gradually expanding worldview through hunting palismen to any sport in a storm, after he meets flapjack and the hexsquad and starts slowly questioning his beliefs. 28-42 is hollow mind and the direct fallout of that—with 33-45 centering around the "anger" stage of grief—and 43-48 is his feelings between labyrinth runners and king's tide. 49-58 is firmly in the "depression" stage, with everything after 59 being when he reaches acceptance and is able to truly start to recover.

putting this under a cut because i swear it is longer than the damn bible, but below you will find a more in-depth song-by-song breakdown. never underestimate the power of a very exhausted college student who drank too much soda's ability to think about one particular fictional character ig.

to start, i put dear wormwood at the very beginning to act as a sort of "prologue" to the playlist and set the stage for what's to come, and also because it is THE Hunter Song(tm) and i need to make sure everyone knows it. that song has had a flashing neon sign with hunter’s name on it in my brain since eclipse lake at least.

bumblebees are out, because it's so short and blatantly "oh this is hunter and belos", acts as a clear divider between dear wormwood and the rest of the playlist, with fish in a birdcage being the official "start" to the narrative. this song and helplessness blues after it then act to sort of sum up hunter's general feelings growing up isolated in the coven.

english house through you're a useless child (君はできない子) is actually from belos's perspective indoctrinating him, and then love me love me love me (愛して愛して愛して) onward is back to hunter. the next several songs detail hunter's experience as the golden guard. life itself is a recent addition mostly just there for vibes and because the first verse fits lol (thanks skit) and honey i'm home and saint bernard are the two obligatory Religious Trauma Bops i hope to make animatics for eventually. icarus (Bird Symbolism #1) through stonewall stone fence is meant to be from the perspective of an outsider looking in (aka the audience) and going "oh this kid is Not Well" it is Necessary. (silhouettes particularly fucks me up lol i need to make a dadrius playlist)

with that all being said there beneath is where his character arc in the show proper actually kicks in. it acts as a divider between the prior songs to say "oh he is Thinking about Things." [insert that shot of him looking out his window at the end of hunting palismen] the songs from notos don't really fit in chronologically—torches would actually fit better earlier, and the other two later—but they flowed better here lol. bad blood is mostly vibes i don't even remember why it's in there, something something it being about god creating man paralleling belos creating the grimwalkers, but i like it too much to take it off lmao. this section is basically all of hunter's beliefs slowly slowly starting to crack throughout his Field Trips With The Good Guys.

uso janai is where shit gets Real; this one is actually from luz's perspective after half-befriending hunter in hunting palismen and then wanting to get him away from belos after You Know. escapism is back to hunter—more questioning, and the line "i'd rather be free" calling back to his desire to choose his own future—before shit goes down.

pale white horse and where is your rider happen specifically during the confrontation with belos in hollow mind. the actual songs are about uhhh,, an abuse victim being approached by the personification of death itself (when the other three horsemen failed to rattle them) and being scared shitless before realizing death had been their abuser disguised the entire time which fits with. well the last 5 minutes of the episode.

the next songs until around whisper encompass the time between hollow mind and labyrinth runners where hunter is alone to process things. the extra oh hellos songs there are him thinking back on his life and all the harm he'd caused working under belos as everything is recontextualized. (plus passerine has that extra bird symbolism fuck yeah)

(if you think there's a lot of the oh hellos in this beast oh my god. i think i had to physically restrain myself from adding like 70% of their entire discography at first im pretty sure the entirety of dear wormwood was on there for a little bit. it's all hunter. i am deranged.)

from this point onward starting with james picard, the playlist structure really kicks into the 5 stages of grief high gear, with everything before pale white horse generally being denial and these next several songs shifting into anger. this section until time to move on is what i like to call hunter's Religious Trauma Breakdown Arc where he's just thinking things through and gradually becoming angrier and angrier at the universe as it all sets in no im not projecting

(also i should note that the order from here on is a little fucky and songs are mostly chosen by what flows best sound-wise; if we're going just by lyrics it'd be something like where is your rider > the garden > dear god > let it burn > dream with everything else tacked on afterward)

sweet sacrifice specifically gives me mad "angry at your shitty parent for years of Nonsense" vibes no im not projecting and obsolete is. bro come on just listen to the lyrics. "you bring me back to life so you can watch me die" it's out of my hands at this point bsjfkfkd

the Our Last Night Trifecta is meant to be hunter's thoughts upon realizing he's effectively out of the coven after labyrinth runners. sunrise would actually fit better lower in the playlist but i wanted to keep them together in order for the flow bshfksk. lie to me is the Oh He Has Friends To Help Him Through This song and more than this stands as hunter and the hexsquad both vowing to protect each other from belos,, ,, oh he has friends to help him through this,,,,,, arsonist's lullaby is there to sort of say "you're not outta the woods yet kiddo" but it's also mostly there because. philip notably has a fire motif going on with him and im a huge slut for symbolism X)

starting with bird song, we have officially entered Hunter's Depression Era after king's tide. bird song is mostly there because Oops! All Bird Symbolism. the moon will sing grabbed me by the throat with Sad Boy Vibes it's sort of there as a retrospective "wow that whole thing was fucked up" on hunter's part, and unraveling is literally only there because the first verse reminded me of darius but it's got that post-hollow mind "shit ive lost literally everything" feel going for it so in it goes. lyrically these both fit better during the initial anger pain spiral (around where the garden is) but again, flow.

(note that ive barely touched this section moving forward since thanks to them so the songs here are a lot more vague, predictive Being Sad And Healing type shit; i will probably do an overhaul after season 3 is over and his canon character arc is actually complete. i havent added anything with the events of thanks to them in mind because i don't want to disrupt the flow i have, however i am actually planning to add who am i by cami-cat eventually; it gives off MASSIVE post-hollow mind hunter and luz vibes)

welcome home, son gives off a very specific emotion i cannot describe you're just gonna have to trust me on why it's there but let the river in is peak "lmao fuck my dad" energy he needs this . uneven odds is more vibes (+ camila going is anyone gonna parent this and not waiting for a response) but you understand right. He Needs This.

lost in paradise sort of represents a low point during the timeskip in thanks to them; that lingering feeling of "everything is (comparatively) fine now so why can't i be happy and feel like i deserve to be" that will no doubt be haunting him for years. glow is straight-up about grief and i put it there initially looking at it from a "healing from non death-related trauma" angle but after uh. You Know. i am seeing it differently,,,, kokoronashi + can i believe you build off of the thing i said about lost in paradise with that "why can't i feel like i deserve to be happy" thing plus my favorite, "feeling inherently unlovable what do you even see in me."

eight through soap is him clawing out of that mindset and deciding maybe kindness and trust is Good, Actually (said through tears). love like you is love like you and wanderer's lullaby is Me Specifically reaching into the screen and giving him a hug /j (it's actually his like 5 parental figures telling him they love him <3 i have a lot of feelings about this song okay) the author once again plays off hunter's desire to choose his own future with him finally being allowed to do so, and ready now is exactly what it says on the tin. that he's going to be okay.

finally, FINALLY, thus always to tyrants finishes things off with a bookend to dear wormwood. this song ends the dear wormwood album with the victim staying firm in their decision to leave their abuser with a hope that they become a better person someday; hunter is now on the road to recovery away from belos, closing up his character arc while still leaving the path ahead relatively open-ended. (i chose make this one last since it feels less "final" than the prior two songs—signaling that his journey is far from over—and, y'know, bookending.)

this is quite possibly the longest post i have ever written but!! thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk about this abomination lol i worked. way too hard on it bhsgsdkh hope that answers your questions and lmk if you have any other thoughts!!! <3

[valdotpng]

What were the nuances in revali’s character in botw? He just seemed like an asshole to me, I’m wondering what I missed.

hi hello so since i like him a normal amount (<lie) i have decided to just go ahead and analyze his whole character under the cut bc i have a Lot of thoughts abt him. hope thats ok w/ u!

ok so. where to even start. i guess lets start at the beginning? one of the things that kind of differentiates revali from the other champions is the fact that he wasnt born nor elected into a position of power. he isnt royalty, nor is he some sort of chief, meaning that there have never been any societal expectations or responsibilities hes been tied to-- every expectation for himself was set By himself, and boy howdy did he raise the bar high. every victory, every single accomplishment, the title of 'master revali' he owes to himself and himself alone. hes a self-made man! (or uh. bird guy) which is fascinating in the context of the games narrative, because it seems to almost always favor 'heroes of legend' or 'chosen ones' of sorts

which brings us to the next interesting fact about him

im pretty sure its canon that revalis gale is the only champion ability entirely Created by the champion using it. think about it for a second. daruks protection, urbosas fury and miphas grace all seem to be blessings somehow bestowed upon them since god knows how long. with revali though, we get to actually see him develop the thing. we see him struggle, time and time again, to accomplish something thats never been done before. ("...As you know, us Rito use our wings to fly forward. The wind lifts us up into the glorious sky above. However, we cannot ascend on our own.") all because he wants to and kind of has to prove himself to the world

"... I am close. So close to mastering my new move and showing everyone what I'm capable of."

"Not enough. I must stay in the eye of the whirlwind... must push myself harder..."

usually hes sooo high and mighty, but in the dlc memory, we get to witness the game show another, hidden side of him. it.. really did something to me, the first time we were allowed to see him vulnerable like this. hes so hard on himself... and its clear that all of this business takes a great toll on revali, both physically and mentally, yet he pushes on. that is, in my opinion, very admirable. and all of that is why i think he has every right to be proud of himself, just... *gestures vaguely @ how much of a prick he can be* Not Like This, lol

i think its no secret that revali has some self-esteem issues. ...a lot of them, actually. if you couldnt tell by now, he is very dependent on how the public sees him. imo pretty much all of his self-worth is tied straight to it + the things hes achieved so far. so when beloved 'master revali' ends up being 'a sidekick' to a seemingly random hylian knight, he IS going to get upset

this gives some context to his disdain for link. from revalis perspective, the hero of hyrule is someone who didnt earn his title, but instead obtained it by mere chance, by simply pulling out some sword out of a rock. we, of course, know that isnt true, and that link has his own share of struggles, but we arent revali. his negative feelings are understandable in that context, but i most definitely do not condone how he acts upon them

good thing hes like, the one champion that undergoes a noticeable change of attitude/a character arc of sorts during the base game !! a much-needed one, at that. thats right, it is now time to overthink every bit of dialogue he says during the vah medoh mission LOL

"Well I'll be plucked... You've defeated him, eh? Who would've thought. Well done. [...] I do suppose you've proven your value as a warrior. A warrior worthy of my unique ability."

at first, when we enter vah medoh, we're greeted by his usual snark and sarcasm, but his tone gradually evolves into something at least a Little bit warmer as link progresses. with every terminal, every little victory the surprise in his voice rises-- hes finally starting to see what our hero is capable of ("There are two terminals remaining. You're almost there (..!)" "Just one terminal remaining! [Huh] What do you know?"),

and it all culminates when...

"I can't believe I'm actually saying this... But you must avenge me, Link!"

there, he swallows his pride and admits that hes in a desperate need of links help. and, by defeating windblight ganon, link gets a chance to prove himself before revali.

then, once hes left alone with his thoughts, we get to see it:

"After all these years, I simply must admit the truth... [...] [Link] accomplished something that even I could not... Guess I was wrong about... how lucky he would be."

even though he doesnt fully allow himself to admit it out loud, i think the overall tone and subtext of the scene gets the point across: revali has finally realised that he was wrong about link.

hell, at one point he even considers the possibility of actually Losing to the hylian in a duel ("Win or lose, I would have liked a chance to settle the score with you.") which, in my opinion, is also very significant.

these little bits of extra dialogue you can hear after challenging the blights again give us more insight into his character. one of the most notable ones imo being the one where revali asks about his hometown ("...I cant fathom that it's been 100 years... There's no one left who would even know me. But even so, it will always be my home.") revali IS a jerk, but he isnt a selfish one. he is capable of caring for other people, and hes capable of growth and self-reflection

theres more to be said about him (i could ramble on and on about all the OSTs associated with him, about the flight range, about how the conflict he brings into the narrative is refreshing, about how he cares that there are children looking up to him etc etc etc), but i feel like this post is long enough already. TLDR: revali is undoubtedly an asshole, but i believe that theres more to him than that; in my eyes, he is one of the most interesting characters out of the cast, and its a shame that one has to do so much digging in order to find all of this... well. depth.

but anyways. thank u so much for reading if youve made it this far! i hope this was an at least somewhat comprehensible and interesting look into his character. uh. um. dont forget to like and subscribe and-- [REVALIS GALE IS NOW READY.mp3]

[sleepy-dreamers-inc]

Being Exiled with Tommy Headcannons!|| 🥀

irl/ in-game

Genre| angst + comfort

h e a d c a n n o n s||

Sypnosis|

Both you and Tommy ended up getting exiled together.

Artist| OliverSonder on twitter!!

Warnings] mentions of manipulation, character death, spoilers for Tommy’s Exile Arc and the Season 2 finale!!

[can be seen as both platonic or romantic!!]

||gender neutral reader!!||

(also this was not grammar checked and im to lazy to watch through hours of footage so if anything in here is wrong blame it on the DSMP Wiki OKAY LETS GO-)

So i think its pretty established that if you end up getting exiled with Tommy your one of two things.

- Really sweet and loyal friend that will stick up for in-justice and be there when someone needs you the most

Or

- A total fucking gremlin that will steal your kneecaps and toes and eat your shower curtains in the middle of the night.

There is no inbetween here you guys.

I did end up going for Reader A, though. But you guys tell me if you want headcannons for a gremlin!reader because i will gladly do that!!

But anyways just... enjoy exile!

Exile|

- It was about his third day in exile when Y/N appeared through the nether portal, bags, pouches, tools, armor, etc. on their person. Tommy thought they either were here to beat him up or got exiled themselves.

- Tommy was pleasantly surprised when he learned that Y/N was actually there on their own accord, helping him through exile and being his shoulder to lean on. The first few days we’re rough, fighting back mobs in the night and farming crops all day. His clothes we’re starting to get dirty and torn by the time Y/N got there.

- Y/N ended up making a little bunker about 30 blocks from where they’re tent was, where they hid all theirs and Tommy’s valuables, such as armor, diamonds & iron, and rations. Although Y/N never gave into Dream and gave him they’re stuff, Y/N simply refused, they wouldn’t be giving in that easily.

- Most of they’re days are spent in caves mining away, chatting and fighting off Creeper’s as they tried to keep the moral high, always keeping Tommy company. Y/N never let him go anywhere alone, they we’re always with him, like his own bodyguard of sorts.

- One time they both find a Mineshaft though and got lost, they ended up at the surface two dayd later with torn clothes, cuts and bruises and we’re in bad shape. Thankfully Y/N had a brewing stand at they’re camp though, so Healing Potions we’re semi-easy to make/get.

- After the duo end up going to the artic though... things got... weird.

- Techno was not expecting to open his door to find the heathen Tommy and sweetheart Y/N at his doorstep shivering and begging to come inside, bags thrown on they’re shoulders as they teeth chattered from the cold wind and snow.

- Whenever Dream comes to visit Y/N always has to hide with Tommy, reassuring him that its okay and they’ll always be there for him, and protect him at any cost, which he highly appreciates.

- The ‘gapple-eating’ thing Tommy did was a cute, yet depressing thing. Seeing him hasitly munching on golden-coated apples was funny and caused giggles, but the meaning behind it always left Y/N with a lump in their throat and a hole in their heart.

- Whenever Tommy is in danger and calls for Dream, Y/N always has to stop him and bring him back to reality, making Tommy realize Dream isnt his friend, and never was. Many nights have happened where the two talk about Tommy’s feelings with Dream, not only for Tommy to vent and let everything out, but also for Y/N to understand whats going on in his head.

- When going into the Nether Tommy always grips Y/N’s hand, as his fear of lava and heights consumes him whole in that firey dimension.

- When Tommy gets up close to Dream in the cabin? Y/N is scared spineless, if people could see them, they’d see the palest, most terrified and worried being on earth.

- Y/N having a heart attack when Ghostbur slips up

- Ghostbur is just a whole thing and just. Y/N needs a break, okay?

- Y/N begrudgingly helping Tommy build his cobblestone tower outside of Techno’s cabin.

- Y/N apologizing soon after to Techno only for him to laugh and ruffle Y/N’s hair, saying he knows how Tommy can get anyone to any situation.

- Very rarely does Y/N ever leave Tommy’s side, when they do its usually to get supplies or visit they’re friends. So when Y/N was walking back to the Nether portal to see Tommy, Techno and Dream all standing there, looking like they’re about to slit the others throat, well...

- Nobody has ever seen Y/N drop kick a person so fast.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Y/N yelled, they’re sword at Dream’s neck, as he laid on his back, his mask covering his shocked expression.

“Answer. Me.” Y/N gritted through their teeth, pushing their swordfurther against the masked mans throat. Techno soon chimed in, reassuring Y/N that nothing to terrible happened.

“It’s fine, Y/N. He didn’t do anything, why not we head back home? Wouldn’t want that homeless man to be to scared spineless, eh?” Techno said, hand on they’re shoulder as he looked Y/N in the eyes.

The 3 walked back to the Nether portal, purple mist engulfing Tommy and Techno as Y/N stood in front of the portal. Back turned towards Dream, Y/N shifted they’re head and glared at Dream with eyes that could kill.

“Don’t do anything you might regret, you megalomaniac.”

- When Tommy and Tubbo decide to go fight Dream, Y/N is both excited and scared. They hope Dream will finally be taken down, but they dont want Tommy (& Tubbo) to be taken down as well.

- So like any amazing best friend, Y/N brews up a bunch of potions of Strength, Healing + Regen, Invisibility and more. Even if Tommy thought he was going to be walking out of there alone, he wasn’t going to be. Y/N would make sure.

- Y/N watched from afar as Tommy got his disc out of the jukebox, laughing in success. All Y/N did was clap quietly, making sure they’re Invisibility didn’t wear off. They we’re making sure Tommy stayed safe, even if he didn’t realize it. Y/N loved him with they’re whole heart, and everyone knew that.

- At Dreams secret base, Y/N was just getting there as Tommy took Dreams first canon life.

“Tommy. Stop. Dont do anything you might regret.” Dream snarled, looking at the teenage boy, his blue eyes dull, yet full of passion and vigor.

All Tommy did was pursue forward, as everyone waited for what was to come. Tommy took one step to close though, because Dream had decided that he had enough.

Dream brought his arm into the air, hand curled into a fist, he was about to hurl his hand into Tommy’s face when Dream suddenly fell to the ground, arrow in his forehead.

Dream was shot by Y/N

Y/N stood there, enchanted bow in hand, infront of the nether portal that swirled with an eerie purple mist. Y/N lowered their bow, staring at the man who tortured Tommy for weeks now. Y/N simply stepped forward and towered over Dreams corpse before it disappeared in thin air.

Lets just say Dream wouldn’t be hurting the blonde heathen anytime soon.

a/n: howdy everyone how we doing? Decided to do Tommy x Reader for this post, although i am MAJORLY simping for Wilbur atm and i have brainrot so that’ll most likely be the next post (if i dont do a pt. 2 for this one but even so WILBUR).

Anyways i hope i did racooninnit justice, i have no idea how to do headcannons since half the time i ramble (its the adhd) so this was new for me. Definitely not my strong suit but like you live ya learn. Also, sorry if i left out quite a lot, i might make a fic about this and include more events, but this is really long for headcannons (because of my layout) so i didn’t include to much. I dont want people scrolling for like 20 seconds to go to another post (i write on mobile so undercut is not a thing for me RIP)

Anyways have a lovely day and dont let Tommy eat all your gapples!!

[mokutone]

sorry if this is random but i was just curious about your thoughts on sai? i know you have a lot of thoughts on yamato fhdjdlfn and his and yamato’s relationship always seemed so interesting and really underdeveloped :[ theyre both really similar but yamato was able to get out of ROOT before sai was, and i was just wondering if you had any thoughts on that/him to share. sorry if this is weird or out of the blue djshfkfj love your art!!

that's not weird at all!!! actually the day u sent this question in i had finalized the thumbnails (and started on the pencils!) for a comic wherein Yamato comments on how Sai is handling his transition out of ROOT differently than Yamato himself did! I don't want to lay all my thoughts on that out here, because I think i'm much more clumsy with textposts than with comics, but I appreciate the question and I will share some thoughts!

under a readmore tho bc. this got Long...comics force me to be concise but w/ a keyboard under my hands i just chatter

here's something I've been thinking abt! I think they had fundamentally different experiences in ROOT, and this is reflected in their attitudes towards Danzō, as well as the way they interact with the people outside of ROOT.

Sai seems to have no real loyalty to Danzō. He does what Danzō says because Danzō gives him his orders, when he practices his fake smile in front of Danzō, Danzō immediately tells him to cut that shit out. I don't think there's a lot of love lost there—when team Kakashi catches up to him in orochimaru's hideout, and they kind of confront him, and. also kind of. "give him the option" of abandoning his mission (and ROOT along with it) or. you know. facing shinobi consequences. he doesn't really seem to think much of it? honestly. i imagine he was probably a little more relieved than anything else. Add to that him remembering how he wanted to finish the drawing of his brother—

actually wait hang on thats another point I want to talk about. Sai was pitted against the person he was closest to in order to traumatize him into numbness! wack! I think that's kind of at the root (help.) of why I see him as a fundamentally angrier character than I see Yamato—and why I interpret some of his behavior not just as Not Knowing How People Work (although he does have trouble with this! it's a very different vibe. like. him trying to comfort Naruto and Naruto thinking Sai was coming onto him was an entirely different kind of situation) but as like. intentionally inflammatory sometimes...like. he's insulted the bodies of most of the people around him in one way or another, he knows it pisses them off, he does keep doing it. I think him Causing Problems On Purpose is sometimes just a way for him to try and experience catharsis for a fury he doesn't really know he's repressing. Like. idk. it's one thing to be forced to hurt yourself, that's deeply upsetting, disembodying, traumatizing, but it's another to be forced into a situation where you're to hurt somebody you love (regardless of the outcome) like. idk. its a kind of powerlessness that hits different at least ime, and frustration and resentment are extremely normal reactions to a situation like that. i think. a number of things could be appealing to him abt trying to get others to get angry at him—whether it's Him being the one to Cause another persons anger (which could confer a kind of. feeling of control) or him seeing himself reflected in their anger (like a "boy howdy i recognize this emotion. it's very clear. very understandable") or even seeing how they handle the anger. kishimoto definitely doesn't care nearly as much about Sai's anger. but i found the implication of it compelling as a kid, and I find it more compelling as an adult! anger can be an incredibly healing and protective force sometimes when dealing w/ trauma...and I wish kishimoto knew what he was writing about or that we got to see it explored more!!! ack!

yamato (as kinoe) had a wildly different experience when he was in ROOT.

we know he knew how to fight against sharingan, which. I think implies he was training in combat with Danzō, or that he worked closely with Danzō, or at the very least that Danzō used his sharingan on him. We also saw that (unlike Sai, who was rebuked for even fake-smiling) that Kinoe (at first) was not told to feel nothing, but instead instructed on how to feel by Danzō specifically. Like, mostly telling him to Feel Grateful etc, but I think him being told to experience specific feelings according to what Danzō thought was appropriate would lead to a different relationship with his emotions than Sai, who was told explicitly to repress them all at all times, and to not even attempt to preform them.

He also like. Thought. Highly. of Danzō, not just as a leader but as a person...it's kind of undeniable that Kinoe saw him as right, was willing to brand his own feelings and intuition wrong if it crossed Danzō's, openly sought Danzō's approval, when he fails his mission to secure Kakashi's eye, his reaction is. essentially immediately to return himself to Danzō to face whatever new dehumanization Danzō's got for him— even when Kakashi and Hiruzen drag him out of there he thanks Danzō for everything, and he seems genuine about it, despite. everything. He's more expressive than Sai for sure, He had like. a moment of anger, when he said that he wanted to be Tenzō, and Danzō denied him that basic self identification...but it's quickly squashed. Messy. Messy. I think. I think he has a little more trouble getting in touch w/ his anger than Sai bc of his emotional closeness to Danzō.

i think. because yamato knows that he was something more like Danzō's favorite, and that conveyed a vastly different experience than Sai's, he might feel a little complicated about being like "So...ROOT trauma, huh? Hell of a thing!" but. i also like to think that he's very quietly kind of trying to observe and support in a way which mostly allows Sai to figure himself out—I think when they are older they would probably talk about it more (also because then their tongue-seals will have finally disappeared. Thanks sasuke!), once Sai has close friends in the village and everything

Just a lot of like. "I have friendships down. I have teammates down, easily—but what am I to the old woman I buy my cabbages from. What degree of friendliness do I exhibit to her."

"I think...whatever you're comfortable with is fine. I know neither of us had particularly normal upbringings, but you don't have to execute every interaction perfectly for people to care about and respect you."

anyway god this is so long and soooo based in my own personal HCs. I hope there was something in here that was interesting to you!

[catubarca]

UPDATE TIME

i havent been on tumblr in like 2 years or something ridiculous like that

life really fucking started coming and didn’t stop coming huh,, something something hit the ground running

no ones probably going to ever see this but honestly I dont care its kind of nice,,, just yelling into the open void here folks nothing to see

got diagnosed with autism and WHOAH BOY HOWDY that was a fucking thing that happened for sure

been trying to explore that part of myself, and naturally ive turned to characters and media because duh. theres a couple charaters who i firmly headcannon as autistic:

- tony stark (also adhd) 

- peter parker

- mj (my love)

- MARK WATNEY from the martian BECUASE I SAID SO I LOVE HIM

- newt scammander

- hermione granger

- luna lovegood

- castiel

- jack kline

- will graham

- katniss everdeen also because i said so

- lance mcclain my beloved, you were done so damn dirty

also of complete coincidence all these charaters are queer except katniss she’s my token straight i am also gay. facts were spoken.

BACK ON THE MARK WATNEY THING I watched the martian for the first time. it was playing on the TV and usualy i hate watching mvies

well no i used to love them but i watched up until s7 of voltron and it fucking destroyed me emotionally and i haven’t watching any thing since, really, other than (again) the martian a few marvel moves and the devil all the time.

but anyways the martian was on TV and i was like what the hell right? got nothing better to do i can feel all my old hyperfixations melting away from me leaving me purpseless and unmotivated what damage could this pssible dO AND OH MY GOD IM OBSESSED

im trying to hunt down a copy of the book im in love

new relationship status, my heart really said <mark watney3

and honestly, valid.

[chemiste]

Voicemail. ~one-shot~

a/n: howdy babes, last night i was reading through @toothpastekissy​ masterlist, basically gobbling up everything and came upon Leaked Feelings! I loved the concept of it so I decided to write my own version :) lmk if y’all want a part two!

ALSO, i recorded myself singing both songs i wrote for harry,,,, if ya want to know the tunes i was thinking for them, comment if you want them and ill post em.

my masterlist

There they were.

The leaked files.

When you got a call at 4 am this morning, you did not expect your publicist to be telling you some of your exes songs were leaked.

“What’s that got to do with me?” You asked, still half asleep.

“They’re about you, Y/N.”  Well now you’re awake.

“What?” You shot up out of bed, padding over to your white desk, fuzzy pink socks on your feet. You opened your laptop and jumped onto twitter, scrolling through with one hand while the other held your phone. #StylesLeak was trending worldwide, as was #Y/N.

HarryUpdates tweeted:

OMG OMG RED ALERT WE GOT LEAK SONGS Y’ALL

FineFuckinLine tweeted:

OOF, what the fucccccck did harry do to Y/N? These are all apology songs!!! No wonder the break up was hush hush

E!News tweeted :

Hey everyone! We know Harry Styles and Y/N L/N stans are up early this morning! Leaked songs from Harry sales have been put out on the web for everyone to see. The two singers had called it quits 3 years ago, but now they’re the trending topic again! #shipname is now trending #1 worldwide, I didn’t ever think we’d see that one again! Go to our website for more!

You heard you publicist let out a big sigh, you put your phone on speaker and set it down on the desk next to you so you could keep looking.

“There are 7 songs, and each one has your name in it or as the title.”

It was a bit of shock, to say the least.

You had hung up with your publicist a while ago and were now debating on whether to listen to the songs or not, you had found a fan account that had the leaked files all ready to go for your entertainment, but something made you hesitate clicking the url.

“You Bastard!” You screamed, shoving him back into the wall. 

Mascara was streaming down your face, the satin red cocktail dress you wore now crumpled as your crouched to grab your suitcase from underneath the bed.

“Please listen, it’s not what you think—“ Harry started, you whipped around to the man before you, fire burning in your eyes.

“Oh, really Harry? How is me hearing you say ‘yeah Y/N is alright, but gotta keep the media happy ya know’ on a voicemail I probably wasn’t supposed to get not what I think?” 

Quickly, you zipped the bag closed, kicking your heels off and shoving your feet into your beat up converse. He let out an exasperated breath, tears starting to shine in his eyes.

“I—I was drunk Y/N! I was with some friends just joking around and—“ 

“Drunk words are sober thoughts Harry.” 

You snapped back, slipping your tench coat on and racing for the stairs, luggage in hand. You rubbed away the endless tears running down your face as you made it to the living room, collecting your keys.

H raced down after you, mumbling over words—

‘Excuses’, You thought.

Right before you opened the front door, he grabbed your hand that was wrapped around the handle of your suitcase. 

“Please Y/N, can’t we just sit down and talk this out—“ 

“There’s nothing to talk about Harry, you made that perfectly clear when I had to listen to you compare me some ‘other models’ while at a very important record dinner! I had to fucking sit there, eyes on me, and act like you weren’t ripping my heart out one word at a time!” 

You snatched your hand out of his and moved out the door, 

“Don’t call me,” was the last thing you said before slamming the door shut.

Bringing back those memories was something you didn’t want to do, it had been 3 years since the break up. Harry didn’t come after you, even though a part of you wished he had. Wished he had tried harder to get you back. But alas, shortly after, he started dating a model, Camile or something, and your relationship was tossed aside like yesterdays newspaper. 

You moved back and forth with your mouse on the link, eventually you closed the page. Instead of fully chickening out, you decided to go to your favorite platform for celebrity gossip, tumblr.

“At least one of his die-heart fans must have the lyrics written down already.” 

You mumbled to yourself, logging into your secret side blog about cats, Captain America, and cute outfits. 

After not that much digging you found a blog, harrysmygod, (you definitely rolled your eyes at the name) had a whole posting written out about it already.

“They’re sure on top of everything, I’ll give them that.”

You started to read.

Hello my harries! 

So if you’ve been up these past few hours, something big has happened! HARRY STYLES HAD SOME FUCKING SONGS LEAKED!!! And no, I don’t mean songs that could have been on the FineLine album, I mean OLD songs! 

And they’re about, you know my fav girl, Y/N! Now, we know their break up 3 years ago was very quick and hush-hush, not much details ya know? 

BUT WE GOT THE JUICE NOW LADIES!! 

The boy wrote 7 songs that got leaked, and you wonder why I know they’re about her? Y/N is a lyric or title word used in all of them! Thats right, all 7 songs. I’ve done the best thing for everyone and written out the lyrics for you to look through, I’ve only kept one chorus and each new verse, if you listen to the song and its repeated I only wrote it down one for you, blah blah you get it? 

Great! Heres the first one, it’s called Voicemail.

You took a deep breath and scrolled down.

The look on your face,

The hurt in your eyes,

Made me realize, my lover was gone,

I never got to say goodbye.

Oh, Oh, Ah, Oh.

The words I had said, not true,

I’m so sorry you heard them too.

When you came home in that dress,

Mascara dripping onto your chest.

I knew I had fucked up,

One voicemail turning us to dust.

If you ever hear this song,

Know that I was wrong,

You were the best thing in my life,

Now those flames have turned to ice.

Oh, Oh, Ah, Oh.

Y/N, please remember the love we once had together,

So I know I am real

And then maybe, we could try to heal.

Heaaaaaaaaaal.

Wow you guys, this SONG! Totally sucks that harry didn’t mean to release them cause totally invasion of privacy (sorry harry), but lucky for us we’ve got some info on what happened between Y/N and him! 

I’m thinking maybe a voicemail gone wrong? They could have been in a fight and he said something that cut too deep? Lmk what you guys think, heres the next on called Gone.

You scrolled through them, you read all the songs. Lover’s Funeral, Drunk Thoughts, Empty Seat, Your Sock Drawer, and then finally, Y/N.

Alright, we’ve made it to the last song my dudes. And personally it’s my favorite!!!! This was the last song leaked, but I feel the most important. Here’s Y/N.

Oh, Y/N, Y/N, Y/N,

You make my heart fly,

I feel as though I could touch the sky,

I only need your love to try.

My love, love, love

You shine brighter than any star above.

Make me count everyday,

I should have tried to make you stay.

Oh, Y/N, Y/N, Y/N

I know we can agree

That I’m a bastard

Im a flake,

You made the right choice

Walking out on me

But could I have

A second chance,

I know it would be worth it

In the end

Because I’d get,

On one knee,

And promise myself to you

For all eternity.

Oh, Y/N Y/N Y/N

My love, love, love

Oh, Y/N Y/N Y/N

My love, love, love

You gasped, basically jumping away from the computer like it was on fire. Thoughts raced through your mind, you grabbed your head, trying to keep it all together. 

He wanted to marry you? Impossible. 3 Years ago this man was thinking about proposing, then how could he say all those horrible things about you?

“He’s not worth another heartbreak, stop it, stop it!” You chanted to yourself.

While you paced back and forth making a dint in your soft white carpet, you had tuned out the notifications for instagram, twitter, and calls coming through to you. 

But then a certain dial tone popped up that you had only set for one person.

Ding!

Ding!

Ding!

You glanced to your phone on the table and froze.

Bastard (wasn’t allowed to block, fuck PR)

Sent you a message.

Bastard (wasn’t allowed to block, fuck PR)

Sent you a message.

Bastard (wasn’t allowed to block, fuck PR)

Sent a voice file “Mrs. Styles.”

Bastard (wasn’t allowed to block, fuck PR)

Sent a voice file “I Should Have Fought.”

Bastard (wasn’t allowed to block, fuck PR)

Sent a voice file “I’m Sorry.”

<3

here’s part 2!!!!!!!!!

[hongism]

Do you have any good ateez X reader fanfics Recs? I’m in need of a good long fanfic If not long Then a really really good one lol I just have a hard time finding some lol

BOY HOWDY IM FINALLY HERE okay but fr tho i’m sorry this took me Lightyears to do im so bad at remembering what fics i read and how i tag them so i lost my mind while trying to find them all and i’m sure i missed a lot of favs so i Apologize in advance asiodjfosijdf some are kinda popular so you might have seen them before but some do not get the credit they deserve and i could sit here and sing the praises of these fics and their authors for years but i won’t put y’all through that ._.

You can’t even reach my neck - @kpopscenario - seonghwa

summary: They’re best friends and have feelings for each other but they both don’t know about the others crush, Seonghwa comforts her after another bad date. (Basically friends to lovers college!au)

yes i am a Sucker for a damn f2l college au on occasion and this is one of those Incredible and Well Written occasions i love this fic and the length is perfect and long in the best way 10/10 would recommend and it’s great

such a good girl for me - @starrychannies - mingi

summary: no summary but the warnings should tell you Everything you need to know wink wonk skljdlkdfj

warnings: harddom!mingi, sub!reader, size kink (its mingi duh), choking, sir kink, pet names, mix of praise and degradation, oral (receiving), unprotected sex, slight overstim, slight humiliation (?), a lot of fluffy aftercare.

i find it Uber hard to write smut that is well written in all honesty like i can’t read my own smut bc i can’t Stand It i just think it’s awful but there are so so many authors out there who can write smut and write it well and i admire starrychannies so much for such incredible writing talent with smut yesyes

Alone - @actuallythatwaspromise - san

summary: again n/a but good lord royalty au prince san, princess reader, smack me over the head because i really adore this 2.2k fic and good lord this fic gets me emo and i dont even know why??? the angst is soft and barely there but i’m still over here sobbing for no reason oisdfoaijdiof

detention - @/starrychannies - wooyoung

warnings: badboy!wooyoung, goodgirl!reader, smut, voice kink, corruption kink, fingering, dirty talk, public sex, exhibitionism kink, wooyoung has piercings and reader is a Big Fan, mention of gags, light degradation.

this, this shit right here, this is so good WHEW i dont really have the words but hot damn, i just love this fic and i love love love the way the author wrote the the fic and it’s Hot:tm:

violet roses - @/starrychannies - yunho

warnings: F L U F F, college!au, s2l, first meeting, yunho is a soft babie, yunhos pov!!, love at first sight, pining, bit of slow burn, yunho is Whipped, suggestive teasing, hyunjin is mentioned briefly in the beginning, protective yunho, mingi makes an appearance, mentioned that mingi’s gay, san is mentioned, smut, softdom!yunho, sub!reader, praise, car sex, SIZE KINK!!!!, vaginal penetration, fingering, finger riding, penetrative sex, daddy kink, yunho lowkey has a corruption kink, multiple orgasms.

did i die? yes but only a lot. ahhhh i LOVE me some damn s2l slow burn and pining that shit hits the spot and this fic has it wrapped up in a nice and lovely package pls read pls pls pls read

lover boys - @/starrychannies - seonghwa + hyunjin

warnings: smut, wet dreams, poly relationship, boy x boy, non idol verse, ateez x skz crossover (yay!), harddom!seonghwa, softdom!hyunjin, sub!reader, threesome, reader is Needy, hyunjin is Sleepy, seonghwa is Amused, pwp, light somniphilia, dirty talk, petnames, some degradation, early morning sex, oral (giving), throat fucking, reader has no gag reflex and hyunjin is In Love with it, fingering (receiving), spanking (like twice), unprotected sex, light cum play, cum swallowing, little bit of praise, cuddles!

i really just need a minute whenever i think about this fic bc i highkey die every time i think about it??? two of my ults??? i can’t??? i really can’t handle this honestly like woW osdijfoijdfoi the way i melted we love to see it 🤩

entanglement - @sanduction - wooyoung

summary: when the boy who had explicitly spelled out his implausible hatred towards you on every possible occasion tells you that he’s a dog, who would’ve guessed that you possessed the other half of his soul? not you, at least. life sure had a shit-load of guts to pull a twilight on you like that.

okay so deadass if you know me you know that i really am not the type to read werewolf/hybrid fics. i just typically don’t go for them or read them but this fic. this fic. oh my god. the way it’s so seamless and works so perfectly, i’ll never recover like W O W i love this fic that is all honestly i have mad respect for all writers who do werewolf/hybrid fics bc i can’t write them at all, so sanduction huge major props to you i love your work!!!

who catches the alpha? - @teeztheflag - hongjoong

summary:  „You don’t want to break the rules, am I right?“

aka another phenomenal werewolf fic with alpha hongjoong that made me fall over in a totally great way. the angst the fluff the little suggestive bits it all flowed and fit together perfectly and i am still in love with this fic no matter how much time passes

bite me - @atinyidea - yunho

summary: vampire!au, vampire!yunho, vampire!reader, female!reader established!relationship / warnings! angry s*x?, biting, blood, sir k*nk, consensual s*x, teasing, begging, rough play, overstimulation

this fic is ~spicy~ and whew it is good wow just the idea of yunho and reader being immortal together was like awww then it got spicy and i went to o_o real quick but it is such a good fic and wow i love it i dont even have words bc im Dumb but wow

You Got It Like That? - @kimnamshiks - wooyoung

summary: You just needed to get through this week at the resort at the hands of 20 coworkers and Wooyoung; the Sales Department Supervisor who got some raunchy photos of you the day prior.

honestly wow sodifjoisdjf i love this fic so much i just wow honestly the reader is a whole mood when wooyoung texts about the pictures and i was reading like ‘ahahaa me.’ oisjdfoij god the back and forth between wooyoung and the reader just had me rolling legit i got flustered like pls wooyoung just HAAHHAHA WOOYOUNG IN THIS FIC GETS ME FLUSTERED AS FUCK it is all because tay is a Stellar Writer and makes those emotions come to life in amazing ways and i’ll never ever get over it just whew banter in fics is legit one of my favorite things ever and tay does it with such beautiful ease that i am Enamored but i am also Rambling just pls read this fic oh my god it’s so good

be my neighbor - @jeonginks - seonghwa

summary: seonghwa moved into the apartment next to yours, and he stumbled into a situation he didn’t expect to face.

wow i l o v e this fic it’s just a perfect blend of angst and fluff and it sends me to space every time i read it soidfjoidjf don’t ask why space but it just does i kinda ascend okay? anyway wow this fic is such a gem and it is sO underrated in my opinion. the dialogue is written so beautifully and with an ease that i think is often times hard to capture?? wow just amazing

Cheat Codes - @serendipityunho - seonghwa

summary: “This party’s boring, wanna get out of here?”, may have perhaps led you to make the biggest mistake of your life by sleeping with your best friend’s other best friend, your best friend who happens to be in love with you.

me: wow i never read college aus hahhaa

also me: reads a shit ton of college aus sodifjodijf

honestly this fic is 100% fantastic from start to finish, it’s 5.3k of pure greatness and i just really love this fic altho my heart broke at the end it still fit perfectly and was amazingly written ;-;

that is all i have for today slkdfljdlk however i will be shameless and say that if you would like some Long Bois for ateez i have a few but i’ll link the fics i loved writing the most and am v proud of :3

storge - mingi

liquorice and ivories - hongjoong