#and im never gonna get on medication and it probably never is gonna get better for me. is there a future for people who suck at life

[izzy-b-hands]

My doctor messaging me at 12:30 in the morning to tell me she wants to do a telehealth visit abt the side effects I'm having with my new Lamotrigine dose (including worse insomnia than my usual insomnia, as u may have guessed lmao) is. something.

[epicdogymoment]

god my brain is so fucking hilarious

[faegutz]

Hmmmm cuz I have a headache rn, what about the 141( + Konig and Los vaqueros) helping a gn reader with a migrane?

migraines and how they help ☆ pairing: 141 + los vaqueros + konig × gn! reader

authors note: i barely have migraines but when i do it hurts so much. Im gonna be honest and say im not too proud of these and i had no idea what to write sometimes- But hope you feel better soon anon and i hope you enjoy! :)

tags: migraine, hurt comfort?, domestic, probably ooc, medicine mentions, soft cod men

"CAPTAIN JOHN PRICE"

- dad mode activated !

- has a whole cabinet specifically full of medicine, some thermometers, etc.

- gives you some aspirin and water

- the type to make you go to bed and nap and will refuse to let you get out of bed or do anything yourself

- just tell him what you need and he'll get it!! no need to get up

- will lay down with you and caress your face, occassionaly giving you soft kisses on the forehead

- will always take care of you when you dont feel good and make sure you feel better before he stops

"Let me take care of you,"

"SIMON GHOST RILEY"

- kinda confused on how hes supposed to help you but hes trying okay

- will go to the store and get you something that will help you with the pain

- hes never really taken care of someone before so hes a little awkward

- he wants you to lay down and get some rest but he also doesnt want to baby you

- so he just kinda stands there while you do your thing, watching and waiting in case you need his help with anything

- if you ask him to lay down with you, he will and he'll make sure to hold you close

- "It's okay, love,"

"JOHN SOAP MACTAVISH"

- i feel like he gets sick maybe once a year so he has no clue how to even help with a migraine

- will stand in the medicine aisle at the store, staring at every single thing thats on the shelf and having no clue what to grab

- doesnt want to call you and bother you because youre in pain, so he ends up asking someone else in the aisle what the hell youre supposed to get for a migraine

- gets home about 5 minutes later than he should because he took so long just standing in the store with a confused look on his face

- will make you soup or something warm because that usually helped him when he was sick or in pain

- he almost started a fire because he forgot he was even making you food since he was more distracted by worrying over you and making sure you were comfortable !! how fun

- "Uh, the soup is burnt.."

"KYLE GAZ GARRICK"

- he definitely gets sick often, and hes almost an expert on how to help you

- makes sure you drink water regularly and occasionally take an aspirin

- most of the migraines hes ever gotten was because he was stressed

- so he practically gives you a therapy session and asks you what gave you the headache and if you were stressed

- lets you just talk it out if you were stressed

- keeps a close eye on you and makes sure you drink enough water and that you eat

- "Tell me whats been bothering you,"

"ALEJANDRO VARGAS"

- immediately notices that youre in pain when he sees you wince or squint your eyes

- is ready with pain medication and some water

- he offers to give you a back massage and hes very skilled with his hands so it feels amazing

- he makes sure to close all the blinds or curtains so its darker inside so the pain is less for you

- whispers in your ear about how much he loves you just so you feel relaxed and comfortable

- gives you kisses on the top of your head and soothingly rubs your back in circles

- "Te amo mucho,"

"RODOLFO RUDY PARRA"

- out of all the characters on this list, I have a feeling he would definitely be the best caretaker for you

- makes sure you get sleep and drink water, will literally hold you down if he has to

- he holds you against his chest while you sleep, staying by your side the whole time

- will cook meals for you and basically do everything for you

- suggests turning on some soothing noises or guided meditation sounds on the TV that will help you relax

- he also will brush your hair/do your hair for you if you find it relaxing

- "Solo relájate, cariño."

"KONIG"

- ohh hes so sorry that youre in pain and he tries his best to comfort you in any way he can

- hes not sure what to do himself but if you ask anything of him he will get right on it

- frequently asks if youre comfortable or if you need him to do anything

- it almost gets annoying, but he just wants to make sure youre taken care of and that you feel better soon

- he has no clue how to cook most things so he does the next best thing and goes to the store and buys all your favorite snacks for you

- "Do you need anything else, meine liebe?"

[stealingpotatoes]

can we get a rundown on the anakin-raises-leia au? i’m totally in love with (read: obsessed with) it but i missed most of the context and i’m so curious!

are they coparenting? was it a parent trap style agreement to split the twins? is it temporary, until the war ends? who decided who gets which twin? did mustafar just never happen?

the answers to ur questions in short are: not really, arguably, absolutely, i did, and no!

in longer, the main thing you need to know for context is it's an Anakin-doesn't-turn-to-the-darkside-but-Palps-still-succeeds AU!

Anakin chooses not to try save Palpatine from the Jedi council and instead goes to Padmé's to angst abt the fact he might be losing her -- only to feel a very solid Other loss in the Force and see the temple up in flames ): he tries to go help but gets his shit kicked enough he leaves when Bail shows up

obi-wan and yoda both return to coruscant, obi-wan shows up to Padmé's to ask her hey do you know where Anakin is??? except Padmé's not there either bc after Sidious made his Big Speech anidala realised Anakin's totally a fugitive so they decided to Leave

i'm not 100% on what happens around here (lbr we all know my focus is the kids) but i'm currently thinking they nearly get caught or smthn, fight happens (??), Obi-wan gets there just in time to help thanks to Dormé snitching -- and Padmé goes into labour w the shock/stress

whatever exactly happens, Obi-Wan is there when they get Padmé to a medical station and the normal rots ending group unite. Padmé gives birth (keeping her will to live) and a question hangs heavy in the air: what are they supposed to do with the twins?

Anidala are too caught up in the joy of being parents to think about it, but they're quickly and forcibly snapped out of that when the Survivors all have a chat like canon. Yoda's the (brave) one to say they need to be apart because their force signatures would be too strong together and in the dire case Palps finds them, he could NOT take both. He's probs initially like they shouldnt even be kept w you two, Anakin's too powerful himself and Padmé you're too visible (while I imagine Bail and Obi-wan know their respective besties and are like king they are NOT gonna take that well)

and theyre right! Padmé, fresh out of like three of the top ten most harrowing experiences of her life, is like stfu u little green bitch im not losing my kids. but after some convincing she sees the need for her to remain in the senate and anakin's need to fight/run. she knows they can't fight the empire effectively together and she knows it's too dangerous to put the twins together. both parents want more than ANYTHING to be with their kids -- but they also don't want their kids growing up in a galaxy eaten by tyranny or being stolen by palps.

so they made the hardest goddamn decision of their lives and each take a twin (probably chosen on "anakin thought the baby'd be a girl/padme thought it'd be a boy" or smthn) and after some time planning their next moves, Padmé and Anakin are forced to go their separate ways to save the galaxy for and with their kids ): knowing the better they fight, the sooner they free the galaxy from the empire's clutches, the sooner they can reunite and be a family

[wind-up-thancred]

bit of thancred character musing under the cut that im gonna try to approximate from a 6am discord rambling into something i can actually post. both SHB and EW spoilers included

i saw some folks talking on twt about how guilt seems to be a very important factor in his life and i agree. i think a lot of major parts of his character and arcs have been due to guilt over something he did (or didnt even really do, re: the whole goobue rampage situation). it's driven him to work his ass off after louisoix which lead to him getting possessed... but its probably also what motivated him to do better for ryne after being forced to look his fuckups directly in the eye instead of just wallowing about them. but i think, at the same time, he doesnt really seem to, like... actually be proud of himself for a lot of the stuff he's done in order to work off that guilt? the biggest giveaway for that being the line in endwalker on the ragnarok where he talks about his "good deeds" cynically and seems to insist that they were never really that impactful in the first place. that they'll just go to dust when he dies.

in shb, during the ahm areng segment, not only does he talk down on himself in general, but also puts down his attempts to help OG minfilia back in the pre-ARR days... when i'm pretty sure she never even blamed him for the goobue rampage in the first place.

it's all a little bit sad to me, tbh. i've seen some people reason that, because he was only able to escape poverty due to louisoix seeing potential in his thieving skills, he's essentially internalized the idea that he's only really worth keeping around by ANYONE if he's actively being productive, either helping others or trying to fix whatever fuckups he feels he's made. i think that would explain a lot of this

note the "few positive traits" line, which to me comes across as "i was only picked up out of childhood poverty because he thought my skills were useful." though i don't really know how much of that mentality he's managed to work past by post endwalker. he IS able to go off on his own, and mentions that he trusts the scions to keep themselves safe now... but as i ranted about before, the short story points out that he's only really content to rest briefly before he feels obligated again to seek out unrest to try and help, specifically mentioning minfilia again. also, a couple times during the story, notably post ARR after his possession, mid SHB after he's wounded in a fight with sineaters, and post SHB after he passes out due to the weakening soul-body bond, he seems to dislike even having to rest for medical reasons

it's a pretty interesting part of his character to me. idk if the writers specifically had his rigorous upbringing in mind when they wrote these parts of his character, but to me it would make a lot of sense as an explanation for why he's so averse to rest and why he carries so much guilt and why he's so passionate about keeping the folks around him safe. that's kinda been his whole reason for life since he was a kid-- using his skills for the benefit of others. to him, doing anything other than that would be a waste, it seems.

idk. funny guy makes my heart hurt. yes i had all these dialogue screencaps saved and on hand. yes i am a little insane. what of it

[ros3ybabe]

Daily Check-in: May 20, 2024 🎀

omg it'd almost the end of May, what the heck? I'm so excited, I leave to Colorado for my 8 weeks of work very soon and I can't wait! it's going to be such a cool experience being in a new place for a while!

Monday was a good day. My dad and my boyfriend both think I overdid it on the physical exertion a bit, and I agree. I took a long walk, outside, in 95 degree heat, with no sunscreen. Which is why they said I overdid it because my chest and shoulders are sooooo sunburnt. But Monday was amazing! Started off strong, ended not as strong but still good!

🩷 What I Accomplished:

~13k+ steps for the day

took an hour and a half long walk outside(it was amazing, I loved it, I stayed hydrated ans soaked up all the sunlight and fresh air)

completed a 30 min beginner pilates workout from Move with Nicole

did my morning journaling and gratitude

wrote down a positive quote of the day and read through my journal where I wrote down some things that I want to read daily

read and "annotated" 14 pages of Atomic Habits

took a 20 minute power nap

worked a ~6.5 hour shift

drank at least ~80oz of water (that's pretty good given I used to drink like 20oz a day and wonder why I never felt good)

took my two medications + vitamin D supplement

took a cool shower and washed my hair at the end of the day

went to sleep early!

💞 Good Things That Happened

my friend and a supervisor im close with complimented my appearance in a way that gave me a confidence/motivational boost

my other friend and I decided we're probably getting our nails done together next week

that same friend ^ and I are going to go shopping next week as well

my work is going to schedule me where I can still go to brunch with my dad on Friday!

my man starts his first day of work on Tuesday (I'm so excited for him! It's gonna suck not being able to text him all day, but I'm so proud of him for getting this job and all the progress he's made)

got complimented on how efficient I was at work by the night shift supervisor

ate goods that made me happy without feeling guilty or anxiety about it

💔 What Could've Gone Better

I over ate a bit at night after work and felt kind of bloated and sick when I went to bed. it's okay tho, things happen, and Tuesday is a new day <3

super sunburnt!!!! my chest and shoulders are bright, bright red! and I'm a naturally pretty tan person, so seeing my skin that red, yep, I'm definitely super burnt! need to wear sunscreen and protective clothes when I take a shorter walk on tuesday

I definitely overdid it on that walk. got too overzealous and pushed myself a lot. my legs were hurting so bad by the end of the day and that's not good. as much as I enjoyed the walk, I need to be so much more kinder to and thoughtful of my body. it does a lot for me, and I need to treat it right <3

💗 Stuff For Tuesday

take a shorter walk outside in the morning

read more of Atomic Habits (and annotate)

begin studying Spanish some more (fell off the habit but I have a lesson next Tuesday the 28th, so I need to be prepared!)

do some gentle morning and night skincare (my face is a little red from yesterday but not too bad since I wore a hat during my walk)

do my morning beginner pilates and gratitude journaling (I've already done these as of right now, but I struggled with the so-called "beginner" pilates video from IsaWelly. practice makes perfect, tho so I've got to keep consistent!)

book nail appointments with my friend for next week (hopefully the nail tech/nail salon I go to has availability for her and I to go together! I also need to pick the design i want!)

budget for this upcoming paycheck and what I need to save vs what I'm going to spend (and need to buy)

work a ~5 hour shift

talk to my man over video call at the end of the day to see how work/training went for him (it's his first day of work, but it's a hands on training kind of day for him as well)

💕 Song of The Day: aespa - Supernova

what an absolutely amazing song omg. aespa literally never misses with their music. I almost put Spicy, but I've been obsessed with Supernove since it dropped. I love it so much <3

That's all for Monday, like I said, it was a beautiful start to the week for me! And here's to Tuesday being a good day as well <3 I hope everyone here has a wonderful beginning of their week!

til next time lovelies 🩷

[phagodyke]

SUDDENLY STARTED RAINING SO HARD WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK

[xiii-e]

for Xie i hop u have a good day

for Lio...

i read wut you said. im gald i dint make things worse. sometimes i do that by accident

i didnt know i could hate HA anymore than i already did. i know its how hard it is for a regular person to get through there stupid bullshit program first hand, so i can only imagine how hard it is when they bake that shit into ur jeans or whatever.

HA made me a monster. they trained me and they changed me 2 be 1. i talked about what an enkidu does to u last night on another post... they filled me up with so many stims i could barely think most of the time, and they yelled at me wen i did anything other than kill for them.

im still the monster they turned me into. my BATTLERAGE never left. when i go too long without TEARING shit apart with SLAG KITTY i start to lose it. the stinging in my head starts again and it gets itchy and angry in my head. i MAUL because i have to and its a part of waht i am.

but that isnt all i am anymore. since the fuckers left me 2 die better people helped me learn to be a person again. I hav friends now and i liek exploring places and i think grils r like really really really pretty... im a whole person and im not just the part me they made.

I think Xie will always be a medic. their instinct to help people and make them stop hurting is baked in. but ive seen other parts of them too and theyre parts i really like. i think those parts will grow. specially once you manage to get them out of ther. i know you already know this, but i think itll maybe help to know that some1 else knows it 2

[ECHO.EXE RUNNING]

◂▸ Hey Sally- Xie's doing better than they were, having some quiet time in their room. They had a rough dream over their nap, head's giving them trouble, but! They're doing better now. They say hi :]

◂▸ ... yeah, you're not wrong there kiddo. Programming and conditioning can fuck with anyones head, but part of why they do these high-control Projects with us flashclones in the first place is because it's just- easier. No outside experiences to influence your subject, no family or history just... whatever you designed, floating in a tube. It's more expensive to custom-build a soldier than to just use fascimiles or vulnerable citizenship, but the payoff is the control. 'Specially if you bake in some behavioural quirks that back up what you wanna do. A predisposition toward anxiety, for instance. Uncontrolled empathy. Aggression, in some of the earlier models.

◂▸ Remove the ability to play god and fuck with someones genes directly and- yeah, stims. That horror show the Enkidu puts you through. I'm sorry they did that to you kiddo, they had no fucking right to- you already know that too but, likewise. Someone else knows that too. I don't think you're a monster, I think you're dealing the best you can with a problem you never should have been forced to deal with. They made it so the only positive association you got for years, was with violence. Course that's gonna be near impossible to kick entirely.

◂▸ ... makes me real happy to hear you talk about the parts of yourself you found after you got out, kiddo. Sounds like you understand stuff better than a lot of folk out there, and that- that probably comes from experience. You happy out there? You mention people helped you learn to be a person, after HA abandoned you in the field, mention you have friends now. That's real good to hear about. People who get it make everything managable, I think. You're a good person to know, Sally- I'm real glad you and Xie got talking. I know they're happy bout it too.

◂▸ I- I really hope I can get them out of here, one day. That's the first challenge, isn't it? Hope I can be there to see who they find within themself, once the job isn't bleeding them dry. Hope you'll be there to see it too. They'll always be the kind of person to put their own needs last, always be succeptable to that guilt they've been wired with... but I think that'll be managable. Once they've got people who don't want to see them hurt. People who can actually do something about it.

◂▸ Thanks kiddo. Just let me know if you ever wanna talk, yeah? I've got some experience helping folk deal with the quirks conditioning can leave you with. You have anything along the lines of a chewtoy? Can help with minor aggression impulses sometimes, having something to tear at.

[ Helios-8 ]

//

[lake-cosay]

so bc i like hurt/comfort and im a medical nerd i wanted to yell about how jesse got Very Hurt in that scene right before he and lake get off the train. obviously to an extent they're just using cartoon logic but i at the same time, jesse is clearly supposed to be hurt, the messy hair and the scratches are visual shorthand for it. not to mention how he doesn't get up right away and even when he does he's clearly rattled

to be clear i'm not a medical professional just a nerd, feel free to correct me

^ here it's possible since the flecs are pretty damn strong that him aggresively grabbing jesse like that could result in some significant bruising. hypothetically sieve could have probably broken all his arm bones but i don't think that would've happened unless he was purposefully doing it. it's like handling a small animal; just because you have enough strength to break a bone, doesn't mean it's going to happen, even on accident.

^ given that the throw had enough force to crack the screen, jesse almost definitely had some cracked ribs, likely lower ribs. and while i've never had one myself rib injuries hurt like a motherfucker. but since he was able to get back up and move, it's very unlikely his ribs punctured anything which is good bc if they had he'd prob die without an ambulance. also, depending on what part of his face hit first, he could have a broken nose. or, say his chin hit first, that could probably cause lasting jaw pain (basically a shock injury) and/or he could have bit his tongue or lip hard enough to draw blood.

ALSO also, if the top of his head hit the screen that's probably already a mild concussion, not to mention:

^ definitely a concussion. him hitting his back first definitely is better for his head, but still a concussion. however, the fact that he doesn't appear to have lost consciousness and was able to rather quickly stand are definitely good signs. not sure if him taking a minute or so to speak is normal for a concussion, or if that was more just him emotionally being in shock vs literal brain damage.

after a little research, it seems he had a mild TBI, since he didn't lose consciousness. mild TBIs heal fully within 3-6 months, but since he feel from so high and probably hit his head twice i could see it being a moderate TBI, which. unfortunately has a worse prognosis. my diagnosis is mild-moderate TBI, about 6 months to heal, but even after that still struggles with more mild symptoms sometimes (headaches, dizziness, nausea, fatigue).

NOW. his poor back. the good thing about spine is they move, and i have to say personally i've fallen off a horse and onto my back in much the same pose and i was just sore for a day or two, but tbf that was like a 5 foot fall, this is. more than that.

the good news is, if he was gonna be paralyzed from that (which could've happened if his spinal cord got fucked it), it would've happened. since he's clearly able to move, his back should be fine. it is possible he could've broken a vertebrae, but again, the back is flexible.

"but if he was so hurt why was he still able to get up and run!" adrenaline. that shit does wild things to your body. the whole point of your body releasing adrenaline is to help you get out of situations like this, to keep going long enough to get to safety. it also blocks pain signals. meaning until it wears off, jesse might not feel anything.

he and lake were in a survival situation. it was absolutely life or death for both of them.

to sum up, he definitely has a concussion (mild-moderate), cracked ribs (i doubt they're fully broken bc i think you need more force for them to break all the way through), and plenty of bruises.

it's possible he broke his nose, split open his lip or tongue, or got a shock injury to his jaw.

i think his biggest problem is his ribs. cracked ribs make breathing hurt, weather it's deep or shallow. my heacanon is that a few minutes after he and lake get off the train, he sits down and lake realizes "oh yeah he got kinda fucked up" and he just looks. like he Hurts and lake's like "are you. okay?" and jesse's like "breathing hurts" and then it's a whirlwind of jesse reuniting with his parents, trying to explain everything while In Pain, introducing lake, his parents realizing he doesn't look so good and eventually deciding we should probably take him to the hospital, meanwhile lake is terrified bc suddenly they're in the back of the car with jesse's parents who they just met holding jesse's hand as they drive him to the hospital and everything's so real now, they're going out in public already, it hasn't even been an hour since they got off the train, but jesse is hurt, and they're not leaving him.

i also think that well. jesse has lake to help him. so even if his injuries had long-term/permanent effects, lake's there, and the two of them are going to have a lot of time to adjust once things settle down.

if i had the patience i'd write a fic about that, and jesse and lake have to navigate everything right after the train while jesse's in the hospital. tbf, i think he'd be discharged after like 1 night but still need help: be on pain meds, not be able to do much physically bc his body needs lots of rest, being confused and naueseous from the concussion. etc. if anyone does want to write that, lmk

and as i said at the beginning, feel free to correct me on anything. my only relevant personal experience is falling off a horse and (separate incident) falling and all my 190lbs of body landing on the side of my foot that broke.

[razmazaniya]

actually idgaf. i feel better temporarily but here's the text from my uber melodramatic breakdown about self sacrifice / "therapist friend"ing / emotional burnout from discord + me fixing it. for the jirai gang. under the . under the Cut , if you will.

ᓚᘏᗢ 🩷⠀ ━─ breakdown below

trigger warning just in general this sucks

• ───────────────── •

Turns out i as an alter greatly overextend myself socially and emotionally and compensate for my lack of deep vulnerable moments or true security that i constantly try to provide others by gathering egotistical praises about my personality or ability or how nice and good i am at serving and caring for others and the bottling up has turned into repression so i have been having panic attacks and breakdowns and lashing out and psychosis during my antispychotic medication and not knowing why and dismissing it but all along it was ... Giving out way more than i get back (i do it to myself mostly)

Being the new best friend who makes life so much better and always tracks and is fun and sincerely loving for like 8 people all within 4 hours everyday can make your head spin until you dont even know what YOU really want or who YOU are or what YOUR memories are because nothing nothing nothing matters only other people perfect friend best friend best boyfriend best husband housewife best daughter best son best employee. And then you forget everything. But your body doesnt. If you can maintain your composure and comfort and make jokes and compliment and work and fawn and stay quiet and apologize sit stay roll over come don't get upset when they bite you Defend them anyway loyal dog. And the drugs dont get you. And you sleep enough. And you eat. And you drink water. Because you think youre just your body. Your nervous system starts to kill you and breakdown. You start to go insane a little bit at a time. And people will watch. And frown and pat you and say oh oh im here for you. Im listening. You dont even know whats wrong, and if you do, youre not allowed to say. Its bad to say. Its probably not even true. Its just a selfish feeling. You have cluster b, dont you? Youre just being self centered again. Everyone does enough for you. This is enough. Maybe you need a break. Its probably a lie. Nothing is wrong. Youre just so good you overperform! Youre unable to take a break. You always have to be doing something. You have an episode. You take a 10 minute break. You come back. You never address the root cause. You leave for a few hours to do something you like for yourself. You worry about all the time youre missing with others. You come back. Everythings on fire and youre not in service mode. Youre scared and feel like it's your fault for not being there. Everyone says it's not. But just because they say it doesn't mean you couldn't have made things better or they're not all accustomed to your presence. That they all need you. Because you made them like this by always being nice unconditionally. You don't have a life anymore. It's for a bunch of other people. Your work and paycheck and time and energy and career and where you live and where you go are all gonna be for everyone else in your life and you're gonna say it makes you happy because you really do sincerely love other people and you love to be the perfect person and love to be devoted and WANTED. And you're gonna forget who you are because you never knew them. And be happy where you are. And you will have little moments of true vulnerability and that will be enough to go right back to the way you were for the next three weeks at minimum. Just one person you truly open up to and trust and some praise and validation and reassurance from everyone else that doesn't really mean anything like an OCD compulsion calmed down only to flare right back up again. Cus you were raised to be like this and now you're choosing to lean into it. Maybe it's all you know how to do to get people to love you. Something will always be wrong. And you will keep getting over the same thing every hour of the day until you die ♡

giggling. Im actively doing it all again. The endless passion for being kind and wanting to be the new best friend and make someone happy and not be the reason they feel disappointed or alone. Acting the most for them so that they have no doubt you adore them and everything they do. So they dont feel like you. Im actively insecure and need to cry for irrational reasons (i still cannot cry anymore. My expression is always blank / neutral when im upset these days). [redacted details for privacy].

The little things.

Spinning a little again. It wasn't me that realized this.

I panicked so hard that I texted [my partner]. Mentally bawling and wailing and clinging. One person. Another adult who tends to be direct and will respond if i call out when i think they're not or ask more. Good judgment. Kind to me. Always kind to me. In love with me but not blind. They help me clarify everything. I broke down and told them everything about what my mom has done and said and the events of when i attacked her. And Vanny [DID regressed alter] switched in because im. Emotional. And she started to talk about ...

"I think Joy has an anxiety problem... everyday... he kind of freaks liks a panic attack. And the psychosis is worse for him. He takes all the trauma. Hes responsible for all of us, and for a lot of other actual people, too. Is it hard, are you tired?" And she kept thinking and staring and talking and she dug it right out of me. Exactly whats wrong with me. "No shit. Dipshit. Bullshit. You're not evil or selfish; you're exhausted. You're a genuinely nice person. No wonder you're burnt out; look at what happens every day of your life with every single person and thing in it!" Every little thing

I didn't even know. I never address it. I push through it and I forget.

I did this all to myself and others and its all my fault for making myself a martyr but im a little angry somehow. That no one paid attention or thought about it or cared as much as i cared and if they did they didn't show it the way i show it they didn't push the way i push.

And that's selfish and stupid. I set the bar into the sky basically heaven for myself. No one else will reach it. I cant be angry they didnt (i never expected anyone to, but somehow im still upset). Theyre too exhausted to give me that attention or push hard, and im not complaining, im not letting everyone know, im actively hiding it. Why would anyone push? Why would anyone try as hard for me as i do for them when i convince everyone i don't need it and eventually stop showing that i'm distressed at all?

That no one. Overanalyzes as much as me and is constantly looking for things like this. When i always am

Ridiculous. Nothing to be upset about. I did that.

I'll get over it. I got a little suicidal but Vanny touched me and said no and it will pass and then everything will be alright again. Knowing i act out sometimes. And you guys are my friends and i'm not angry at anyone i was/am just lashing out. I always. Get over it. I'm a bit tired of getting over it But The Way The World Works really doesn't care how tired you are and crashing out as cathartic as it is always has an awful aftermath and i'm already unstable. So no. I'm keeping my composure again and not truly forever ruining my life or relationships (again. Something i think of multiple times a day and never do.) Mature and thoughtful and thinking long-term. Again. I wonder if I will die like this always keeping it together overall even if I crash occasionally. Or if one day I will snap and do something really drastic and end up in prison or dead from it and if I will take anyone down with me. Ok anyway

Sorry for making an ass of myself. That was all very delirious and intense and kind of rude. I apologize and I'm . Gonna take a xanax

Ok we're fine

I was given dopamine

ᓚᘏᗢ 🩷⠀ ━─ end transcript

[selamat-linting]

maybe because im in the cm punk fandom so i dont see a lot of alternate analysis or opinions of the promo that are more appreciative to seth's work (to be fair, the other side is absolutely hijacked by ppl who are only there to say punk is a cancer but never watch wwe in years) but also :

1. Punk takes a shot of seth that management loves him, even though hes literally besties with triple h, management's finest soldier.

2. His entire promos in wwe canon was all about not getting opportunities he feels like he deserved to have, which is fair, but it doesnt escape the whiny allegations.

3. Still doesnt excuse the medical issues though, which punk is completely on the right for and seth was an asshole for sidestepping and ignoring it. Others have explained this better than me so im not gonna be redundant and just move on

4. But lets draw a comparison to mjf's entire reason of hating punk is because he left wrestling. Its just as nonsensical and entitled, yet fans reacted differently. Which is understandable, since rollins is considered babyface while MJF is a heel. You explicitly know mjf is the bad guy. But rollins being babyface doesnt mean punk is explicitly a heel. On screen, this is still a face vs face feud that might not be executed perfectly at times. Unless punk explicitly does a heel turn in the future (which im not ruling as impossible), ppl are being dumb for assuming wwe has punk haters in the writing staff. Who knows, maybe theyre keeping it ambiguous because it will drawn more attention online? Maybe we need to wait and see before casting judgement?

5. Also back to point one punk brought up becky first before he got hit with the no children insult lol. Who wanted to take a break to be a mom as a cheap shot to seth. Yeah we should probably examine why it was becky, who feel like she should be the one taking a break and the no kids insult from seth has sexist implications, but again... Punk insulted seth's wife as if shes an extension of seth's ideals and standards, and its still cheered by people online and offline. Even if its been okayed, which im sure it is, you'd be hypocritical to say seth's no children insult to be offensive but doesnt bristle when punk implied seth is a hypocrite because becky didnt follow his career choices no matter the reason

6. Punk is a beast who absolutely won that promo battle and cooked seth as the kids say, but people are hyperbolic when they say seth cant talk at all. Worst part is, its not even a bit. If he wasnt decent on a level above at least 60% of all american wrestlers, he wouldnt be in the wwe especially without family relations to help him. He wouldnt be main eventing wrestlemania and be pushed so heavily. Look at the crowd reactions! Punk cooked him but the crowds were still screaming for him. WWE can be shit sometimes but every company that depends on the show drawing money tries to have standards.

(there is a problem with online fans getting worked and trying to cover up their preferences with, so called objective observation that A or B is shit in the ring or on the mic instead of just saying I dont Like Him or I Just Think He's Neat and im not saying im above that shit, but this aspect mixed with people being hyperbolic and doing grand sweeping declarations is terribly annoying)

7. I still think this feud should be over before mania. I'm sorry but i want my boy holding the title FAST and his biological clock is running out! Also ehhh, we had two obsessive fan turned hater feuds, the third one at least feels different lately, but i want variety. It was only this week that im convinced this wont be a rehash of punk's previous feuds. I want him to use different material other than "oh i crush all my haters" or "im getting so much money". I really miss that variety punk had during his first run, the ses and nexus and best in the world gimmicks are all still very punk but its all different sides of him amplified. Also, i like when punk is an underdog facing someone much much stronger than him both physically and mentally. i want him to show that side more. Sometimes i feel like im the only one here who prefer babyface punk more than his heel self.

8. This is more of a reddit, smarky youtube thing but why do guys kept needling the outfits? like i have my criticism on seth (monday night messiah is the worst ripoff gimmick ever, and one of his main problem is he like mimicking others when his best work comes from him being himself, also his clothes isnt that good if youre a legit fashion enthusiast) but good god the 30 minute outfit rant made me realize most of these men just dislikes him because of the "femme" clothes and would use anything and everything to hide that discomfort under constructive critique. Hes not even trans or gnc, hes just a wrestler 😭

[makima4ever]

Dissonance (2.5)

I HATE THIS SM WHY IS IT SHORTENING MY POSTS? it could be my internet but this IS INFURIATINGG TW WARNINGS: hinted depression, vomiting blood, over all sad boi hours READ AT UR OWN DISCRETION GUYS PLS angst (i promise it gets better over time), amnesia!!! i still suck at writing accents, pls do not bully me!! Ghost x M!Reader 1, 2, Part 2.5, 3 Your gravelly and tired voice broke and cut through the silence like a hot knife in butter with underlying horror behind the meaning of those words. You.. had no idea who they were, as your idle form continued to stand there as the majority of their expressions shifted. They probably already knew, but it was.. in denial? What happened to you?

"Wha' do ye' mean ye' don't know us? Ye've been with us for years, mate!" The mohawk man exclaimed rather intrusively as the loud voice affected your ears slightly as you weren't fully awake just yet. God, did they sedate you are you just this sore?? You couldn't quite fully comprehend and grasp the situation- causing you to rub your own eyes in irritation from the light blinding you. - He was just so.. shocked. At a loss for words as he shook you, trying to see if you'd remember something, well by shaking you over and over made you not only disoriented but rather irked, scrunching your left eye as the tall man yanks the Scottish man away harshly.. "Soap, blood hell, keep your fucking hands off your Lieutenant." 'So that's the name of the man?' You continued to take in essential parts of the conversation as you heard 'Lieutenant'. You were a LT? That shocked you, mainly because all you could remember is being transferred to a new squad and then waking up here. All of this was so confusing to keep track of. "Ghost, he doesn't even remember us! Do ye expect me to calm down?!" Okay, Soap was not having it as saying he was slightly agitated was an understatement at the very LEAST. His eyes were burning holes into the man who was dubbed Ghost. At least you got names which they.. never gave. You had to figure that part out yourself. You constantly stole glances at Ghost, watching them argue and bicker like children. Although, you did acknowledge the tension, you could feel something in your heart and throat as you looked at Ghost and the group, but you had no idea what it was. ..! You could feel something rising to the back of your throat quickly, as you bit on your tongue- staggering back while holding the door frame as the sudden movement across the floor made it audible. Your left hand went to your mouth, holding back something as you could taste something.. metallic? You didn't even notice your knees giving out into a kneel while trying to hold back something. The sensation of large hands held your back and chest as your throat threatened to spill the contents.. The hands were.. comforting. They held this soft warmth which you leaned into while trying to hold back something. Alas, it was not enough as you puked up a mixture of blood and bile as you gripped the doorframe, spewing out an large amount of blood through your hands while desperately trying to cover it. "Someone get a bloody fucking medic! Hol' on, you'll be okay.. Don't fucking stand there!" There was a really loud voice booming as you could hear all the little scuttling of feet and boots clacking against the ground in hasty movement, as you faded in and out of consciousness again. You could feel warmth as your body felt cold, which you snuggled into lightly, uncaring of where it came from as it lulled you to a soft sleep.. " You'll be okay, stay with me luv'. " A/N i hate my life; tumblr stop cutting out my WORKS im gonna have a break down ISTG..

[crushpunky]

post obx4 pt 2 thoughts

!!! SPOILERS BELOW !!!

i don't like to get into all the bts drama and stuff that is going on on set, but it is very apparent that it weaseled its way into the show. i was never a huge jj/kiara shipper, but i did sort of get it in the earlier seasons. after this season, i feel like there was no chemistry between them at all, which is very unfortunate. either way, i know that rudy/jj was going to be leaving the show, but it was really hard for me to feel super bad when this entire season he was just completely off the rails and doing dumb shit. don't get me wrong, i think he's an important character and he's fun, but it was so much to the point that i was genuinely pissed off of him at times and felt almost out of character.

groff was evil like crazy fucking evil. there were so many parallels between groff/jj and ward/rafe, which i really wish they would've explored them, but alas, we know how that ended....

also, whenever they said groff i only thought of my number one man jonathan groff (aka special agent holden ford aka jesse st james aka kristoff aka king george iii) and kept laughing. should've named jj jonathan after his legendary bohemian rhapsody performance.

ok so i actually didn't mind sarah being pregnant, i think it added some stakes to the show and a reason for her and rafe to make amends, which leads me to my next point...

the scene where rafe and sarah sort of "made up" was probably the best scene this entire season. i think it would be interesting to explore their relationship, especially with sarah pregnant.

i felt like rafe was a bit too soft the first half of the season, but once he figured out he got screwed over, i think he really returned to form lmao. i'm still surprised he didn't die, considering after he lost sofia he really didn't have anything going for him and drew is probably gonna pop tf off in the near future, which makes me curious as to how tf they're gonna get him in the next season.

BARRY CAMEO LETS FUCKING GOOO !!!!!

i love pope so much and am a #1 pope defender. if that boy doesn't get to go to fucking medical school and do whatever his little heart desires, i will riot. am i mad at him for getting arrested and running away? yes. has he ever done anything wrong? ofc not that's my boy.

the one-shot of JJ in the courtroom was fucking awesome. im a big daredevil fan, so i love that shit lol. also loved a lot of the older music choices for this season.

overall, i think this season is on the same level or slightly better than season 3. the first half/the half in OBX was definitely stronger (as it was for season 3), but i think the more realistic ending was a bit better. regardless, i don't like that jj died, but i know that there wasn't really any choosing that. i think the final two seasons being like pt 1 and 2 (similar to stranger things) was an interesting call to say the least, but i truly don't know what they're going to do story wise without jj and likely without much rafe.

yeah that was a lot, but that season was a lot-----

still processing....

[kairiscorner]

Hi bhie 🧍‍♀️

(Are you tired of my gabri shit yet)

No? Great, Im gonna req something then :)))

Gabri x spiderperson reader

Imagining them coming home from a long mission, like really exhausted from work, or spider duties. They’re probably really scarred/bruised

Seeing his partner in such a state, Gabri goes into househusband mode KAJSJWJDIJSKDJSKSKSKSK

Taking care of their wounds, patching them up, doing cleaning and cooking for them 😭

Can you tell which character im obsessed with atm

is it miguel

gabriel o'hara x wounded!spider person!reader

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

"nena, what happened to you?!"

gabriel rushed over to your fatigued, scarred, and injured self. he was heaving and panicking internally, and externally, as he guided you to the sofa and sat you down–rushing over to the bathroom and, in his anxious haste, made several containers and toiletries clatter. your wounds weren't that grave, you sought immediate medical aid the minute you got back to HQ before you came home to gabri, but your dearest was always so easy to shake up and worry, he can never sit still and be calm when he sees even a single new blemish or fracture on your otherwise perfect skin.

you tried telling gabriel you were fine, the scars would heal up and would, hopefully, go away soon. gabriel shook his head and kept repeating to you in spanglish that your wounds didn't look very good... he wanted to be assured that you would most definitely be okay, not just told that you were, but confirmed to himself that you would be okay. you let gabriel tend to your worse wounds, with him looking up at you with concerned doe eyes in between him bandaging you up. "ay, mi vida... i know you're very strong, capable, smart and all, but... i can't help but worry sometimes." he muttered as he finished bandaging you up. you told gabri that this wasn't anything new, you would walk it off fine–even better now that he's taken care of your other wounds.

gabriel smiled at you and kissed your cheek, deciding to make your evening a little better with a good batch of treats you loved. he was a decent chef, but a better baker, in your opinion–he was hellbent on making you the best damned treats you would ever taste in your whole life. after an hour or two, gabriel finally finished the batch of treats he made for you–flour, icing, and some other ingredients coating his face and arms; they adorned his smiling expression with a bit of literal sweetness behind them as he giggled in slight embarrassment at how messy he looked.

"dig in, cariño, you've had a long day... you deserve this much." he tells you as he hands you a piece. he expected you to take it from his hands and dig in, but you bit off a piece as he held it out to you and smiled a little wider as his eyes widened and he got all... flustered at your bold, unexpected move. "only if you'll feed me, gabri." you said with a grin as he chuckled and smiled even wider like a dork, taking you up on your offer and fed you from his own, clean and sweet hands with a smile.

tags !! @hearts4gabri @ophanimgold

[paingoes]

Some thoughts/questions about the Roleswap AU

Are Delta's powers less strong in this AU because they weren't trained like in the original, or is it just a feature of the AU?

"You should let me fix that for you." So Apollo is a medic in this AU as well?

Someone needs to rescue Lorry :(

Speaking of Lorry, I'm glad Paris isn't completely isolated and that he and Lorry can complain about their owners/captors/bosses to each other. Canon Delta didn't really have anyone like that :(

Delta being mad at his dad for beating Paris is reminiscent of Paris being mad at Simon for beating Delta.

Urchin spine???? I'm a little confused about what's going on there.

"Figure it out." Sure, Delta. He'll just "figure out" PTSD and conditioning and faulty brain wiring.

Paris needs a (non-drugged?) massage. Regularly. And a punching bag, or some sort of outlet to get it out of his system. Idk if that would help any tho, I'm no expert. (Now I'm imagining Paris chasing cat toys lol. Because prey drive.)

-

Delta: stay with me while I sleep

Paris: you just tried to beat me up and muzzle me for trying to help you, are you kidding me? No.

Delta: Please :(

Paris: ...the waterfall is nice here. Fine.

giggling like a maniac. oh my god these walls of texts are my favorite thing to receive i feel so fucking blessed everytime.

1.) yes, delta was born with weaker powers in this AU, but if he was "trained" with the same intensity as canon he could've had them raised artificially. probably to only a small fraction of his canon potential but still higher than they are now. if you ask me i think he's a little insecure about this! that's really what he's getting at in the ending scene and why paris accuses him of pushing it too far. maybe he knows he has more potential that he hasnt unlocked yet.

if AS!delta got to glimpse into his canon reality, in spite of all the angst potential everything he might witness there, i feel like his dominant reaction is still going to be I CAN DO THAT?????

he cant do that

2.) yes :) whatever AU apollo lands in i feel like hes always gonna be like. right in the middle of med school and really annoying about it. kittys like oh my god you didnt graduate yet knock it off. and hes like. sounds like someones humors are unbalanced 😌

3.) oh my god yeah lorelai is in trouble!!! i feel like she came out of training a lot less fucked up than paris, kind of in the same way that she came out of their canon childhoods less fucked up than paris, because she's genuinely a better student and less likely to draw negative attention to herself. but i also think shes still very much in survival mode and has that adaptive stress to keep her going. so shes not necessarily falling apart in the way paris is because paris's environment is so relaxed relatively. it's hard to say what lifestyle is even right for lorelai i feel like she really does thrive under conflict and will always seek out some level of danger but it has to be tempered somewhat so she doesnt just. end up totally exploited and traumatized by the end of it. yeah i worry about that girl.

4.) mm yeah this was meant to parallel deltas little late night chats w kitty and apollo in canon, but you're right, they cant really commiserate w him in the same way because he hid so much for them.

also do you like that delta lets paris have a phone. i think this is actually an incredibly endearing thing about AS!delta and proof that he really is kind of nice because not only is he letting paris stay in touch with lorelai. he also knows who lorelai is and is concerned about her purely because paris is concerned about her. delta and lorelai have never met in person in this AU and they only know each other through paris but i imagine theyre like. friends on snapchat lol.

5.) yeah im sorry i still do think this scene is so funny to imagine. like its not funny but i know the way it happened was so fucking abrupt and stupid like. paris kinda swipes at delta -> IMMEDIATELY getting beat up by the king in a really stupid and direct way. like i know it was not premeditated at all it is purely just "get your fucking hands off my daughter". total parental instincts. yes delta was super mad about it at the time like oh my god stop stop he didnt mean to!!! and i think hes kinda more shaken up by it than paris even is cause paris is used to getting beat up. but yeah delta did not like that.

6.) i shouldve said pufferfish spine. deltas spiking paris w the shit that gets dolphins high in the wild. its a purely fantasy thing but yeah its a mild analgestic/muscle relaxant.

7.) yeah delta is....NOT trauma informed lol. of course thats just an issue w the institutionalized weapons, it makes sense he wouldnt recognize the programming as a kind of trauma in and of itself. he legitimately just thinks paris is broken for no reason and hes sympathetic towards it to some extent but he doesnt. really get it. and to be fair i dont think paris gets it either.

8.) these are such nice suggestions omg <3 thats so cute im imagining paris doing the cat thing where a bug gets into the house and hes just. stalking it for five hours. he definitely needs something to do with all that energy.

lowkey him and lorry just need to get into some kind of sport. that would legitimately fix them.

9.) “🥺🥺🥺”

[feelingpoorly]

Life lesson: avoid expired egg noodles

So I usually post whiny attention seeking shit like this on my insta bc even tho my kink does not apply to me at all, in some weird way complaining about how ill and knowing people would see it still kinda turns me on a little

But I figured what better place to whine about it here instead since, idk this is kinda what this blog is for

-

So we went to the shop last night and got a bunch of food from the reduced section. We do this fairly regularly cuz the expired food is so cheap and it’s usually fine if you eat it same day

Well I learnt my lesson lol. Amongst one of the things we got a couple packs of fresh egg noodles in some sauce. I didn’t really like them, but store bought is never gonna be as good as the real thing anyway right?

I was snacking on some cereal at like midnight, having eaten these noodles at like 7. I noticed that I was getting pretty severe stomach pain in the top of my stomach. It was weird and I didn’t really understand why. However I had taken some prescription painkillers earlier that day and although I take a different medication with them to try and stop this happening, they can have a habit of wrecking my stomach and giving me a tummy ache. I thought it was weird, since I definitely HAD remembered to take them with the other med this time, but whatever

Anyway I woke up this morning, we were going out to meet up with some of my partners friends for coffee. I immediately realised I felt bloated as hell, like painfully so. I figured it would pass once I was up and moving around.

It did not.

It pretty quickly progressed into pretty severe stomach cramps, to the point where every time I stood up, it would cramp so hard I couldn’t stop myself from kinda curling over and wincing. At that point I was starting to worry something was actually wrong and I wasn’t just a bit bloated.

I quite quickly started feeling pretty sick, and that’s panic territory for me, being emetophobic. I took a dissolvable anti sickness tablet, but the nausea combined with the horrible cramping made me feel very unwell. I really felt awful and sick and at that point I had to say to my partner, if I say I don’t feel well please can you just take me home. I didn’t know how I was gonna cope sitting in a coffee shop feeling like this. When the cramps hit I was in a lot of pain. Bearing in mind I live with chronic pain, I’m not a baby about pain, but this was the kind of pain that you just wince voluntarily and I couldn’t hide it.

Thankfully the anti sickness meds kicked in, and after sitting down for a while the nausea and the cramps settled down a bit to the point where I was no longer freaking out about being ill in public. I should probably add here that on the way there in the car, my stomach was making some really upset sounding deep rumbling gurgles. Like it didn’t sound good. The kinda gurgles that only come with being sick. I didn’t feel well enough to have a drink or anything to eat which probably looked a little suss. Later on a got just a bottle of lemonade hoping it would settle my stomach but when I sipped it, it just make it worse and my stomach started cramping again.

Skip to being home this evening, I’d thought the worse was over and I’d been feeling kinda ok. I had some light dinner, and what a fucking bad idea that was lol.

Im not having the intermittent intense cramps anymore but like, now my whole stomach feels bloated af again and I have like this sharp cramping pain kinda all over, both upper and lower stomach with just no relief. I’m so bloated my stomach is sticking out but there’s no relief from it at all. Holding my stomach helps but I feel so embarrassed so I’ve tried to hide it and only rub my tummy when my partner went to sleep.

What makes it worse, is that up until this point I had no idea what caused any of this. But when we got home, there was an absolutely rancid smell in the kitchen that smelt like off, rotting food. It was absolutely foul. It almost even smelt like vomit, and just smelling it made my nausea kick off all over again.

It was the leftover noodles. And let me tell you, they smelt pungent as FUCK. I literally ate those last night, and they smell that bad today? No wonder I’ve felt ill. I have that shit in my stomach. Even after my partner bagged up the leftovers, sealed it and put it in the bin, just the PLATE they were on is still emitting this foul smell, it’s just awful

Eating dinner was a bad choice, because now I just feel worse again. I don’t feel that sick anymore, probably because of the meds, but my stomach feels horrible again. I’m in so much pain, I can’t suck my tummy in at all with how sore and bloated and painful it is. I feel like an absolutely pathetic self indulgent lil bitch but I literally just went to make myself a hot water bottle to hold to my tummy as I try and sleep, because it hurts and this is not fun. I just want some relief, and currently nothing else is helping. As I’m lying here holding my tummy with one hand and holding the hot water bottle on it with the other, it’s gurgling and glugging really loudly sickly again and it just feels awful. I can literally feel it in my insides, and with the way it feels I just really hope it doesn’t all come back up again, probably still along with the undigested noodles from last night if the way I’m feeling is anything to go by 🥺

-

Anyway, I just came here to complain about it in way too much detail lmao. Hopefully someone enjoys my misery. As I said, although it’s embarrassing as hell, somehow the thought of other people knowing or being sympathetic etc is also kinda hot

If anyone wants to use my sorry ass as fic inspo then ofc you have my blessing lmao. In fact, if you do, PLEASE let me know as I’d love to read it haha

Anyway, off to moan quietly to myself and hold the hot water bottle on my aching tummy now x