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technowoah · 4 years ago

Text

Revolutions Always Fall

You should've learned from L'Manburg. The Butcher Gang was a mistake.

- REQUESTED!

- I tried to put 2 requests in one here.

- its really long 🤧🤞🏽

Prompts!

13) "You made me lose all my faith and trust in you"

38) "They warned me about this.” “About what?” “You.”

47)“Are you satisfied now...?”

⚠︎ memtions of blood, voilence, fighting, swearing, Technoblade's execution episode. Angst.

Masterlist!

Dear Technoblade,

I wont make the same mistakes again

- an old friend. ♤

Technoblade was always a threat, and you learned that from L'Manburg. You had befriended him when he joined Pogtopia and very quickly you two seemed to click. He saw the world through different eyes and that intrigued you. You wanted to be him, live life the way he does it for just a day.

He was a killing machine, he was smart tactical, but still had the thirst for blood that made him be so smart and tacitcal with how he kills.

You on the other hand were not a big fan of killing, but this war was an exception. This war made you practice, it made you angry, it lit a fire underneath you that you didnt know you had. Along with the other members of Pogtopia, Technoblade helped you fight, how to wield a sword, knife, gun, anything that you can get your hands on you turned it into a weapon, you Soon enough you had mastered weapons and you werent so passive.

You questioned yourself if this was living through Technoblade, the need to fight, hunt, to protect. You felt poweful. As you hold your own crafted swords in your hand you know what you can do. You could do so much damage with this sword, he gave you that sword. It wasn't special at all but you made it special, because in your eyes it was.

"You can do so much with a sword, people just don't know how to use it to its fullest potential. They dont know their full potential either. But now you do."

Thats what he said to you in between those stone walls called Pogtopia.

After what he said to you had done so. Used the sword to your full potential, used anything to your full potential. You wanted to be more and more you became.

"You ready?" Technoblade smirked.

"Hell yeah Im ready to kill that bastard." You smiled

"Woah-oh! You weren't saying this a couple months ago."

"Schlatt deserves it. That's not L'Manburg. This is L'Manburg." You stretched out your arms to the others who were gathering armor and polishing their weapons for the battle yet to come.

You smiled knowing this will all end soon, you wouldn't be in a cave anymore, you wouldn't have to hide the fact that you knew where Wilbur was and that he was planning the attack, Pogtopia will be no more and L'Manburg would be back.

"L'Manburg will be back." You said while taking a sword out of a chest.

"Sure." You heard him scoff beside you.

"What's that supposed to mean?" You asked slightly offended. Wasn't he fighting for the same thing?

"I dont know. Revolutions always fall." He turned his back to you and walked away leaving you to your own thoughts.

You hated it. He was right, he was always right and you hated it. And everyone else did too, they knew he was right. It wasnt what the majority wanted, we wanted L'Manburg while he didn't want to be held by government in the first place. That's what he meant that day in Pogtopia.

L'Manburg, one defeated, was now growing once more. After the "end" of L'Manburg you couldn't forgive him. Your anger and the feeling of betrayal kept growing and growing everyday, every time you picked up that damned sword he gave you. It was the best sword you had, you had enchanted it multiple times. You had to use it, but the only thing was the memories that came with it.

Your anger only worsened as time went on, having to hear about Technoblade and how he was such a threat to L'Manburg only made you want to destroy him and the past you two had created. That would be the closure you needed, but someone was already three steps a head of you.

In spite of your anger you and Quackity had the most magnificent idea to make a gang to finally kill Technoblade for the sake of L'Manburg. The idea was to go confront him at his house and take him back to L'Manburg for an execution. You were on board with the idea 100%. This was better for L'Manburg and better for yourself, finally someone who got you.

Quackity and you planned tirelessly to try and get Technoblade's location and bring him back. The Butcher Gang was made from the cabinet of L'Manburg. During these long days you two grew closer, you two were so different in ways of thinking, but you two shared the same end goal which worked out in your favor. You two went through hell and back just to find out that the easiest way to get to Technoblade was sitting in L'Manburg right at that moment. Philza, some may say Technoblade's only friend at the moment. He was loyal to Technoblade and you dont blame him at all, but you needed to find out where his companion was.

It was all going well, the Butcher Gang had put Phil on house arrest and Tubbo had found a compass that led them straight to Technoblade's location. Everything was going well and according to plan, you didnt want to show it on your face as you saw Technoblade's house from the spot in the woods the Butcher Gang was hiding in, but you wanted this so badly. You didnt where he was going to be, he could've came and bestowed more destruction. It was like knowing he was there, but not knowing when he was going to strike.

The anxiety that came with not knowing where Technoblade was always with you, but now it wont be.

The Butcher Gang ended up taking Technoblade by force back into the city. You were proud that you were all able to get the blood hungry pig-man to come back with you all. He was behind bars with an anvil hanging high over his head. As Tubbo gave his speech your short lived happiness soon faded as a man appeared and smoke filled the area. You started to get attacked by what seemed like Dream and Punz while Tubbo continued to yell for Quackity to pull the lever to finally kill Technoblade.

"Pull the lever Big Q!"

"Kill him Quackity!" You yelled with him.

He did it. The anvil fell fast towards Technoblade's body, but as fast as the anvil landed on him his skin, bones, and blood regenerate and return to its normal state. Your eyes widened as the totem in his hand began to disintegrate into gold dust.

"DAMMIT!" You yelled in agony while Ranboo and Fundy continued to fend off Dream and Punz until they retreated.

Once they did you realized Technoblade was gone, you saw him in the distance running away from the scene, but you couldn't let this happen. You couldn't let the fear of Technoblade being out there doing God knows what forever. The fear of him boiled in your heart as you broke out into a sprint towards Technoblade.

As you ran into a more secluded area you heard footsteps behind you. You glances back to see Quackity following your lead with an axe in his hand. Slowing down a bit you both ran side by side.

"Let's get this son of a bitch!" Quackity huffed as you both came across a cave.

You both knew Technoblade was in there so you both prepared for the mental and physical pain you would both endure. This wasn't like the Butcher Gang where it was 5 against 1, it was 2 against 1 and you've seen Technoblade fight this fight before.

"You ready to kill this bastard?" He calmed his breathing down.

"Of course I am." You kept your eyes foward.

You walked deep into tha cave to see 6 chests and a sign that said "final control room", that bastard. Wanting to be quiet you tried to sneak up on Technoblade, but Quackity's anger got the best of him.

"What the fuck is this Technoblade?! What the hell are you doing here?" He asked gripping his sword too tight.

"It not what it looks like." Technoblade airly laughed. He had an enchanted pickaxe in his hand and an open chest with netherite armor.

"How the hell did that anvil not kill you?!" Quackity yelled.

Technoblade started laughing, he was laughing, he was taunting us. "Do you really think that death can stop me? That you could kill me that easily."

Your emotions tried to get the best of you as you tried not to let frustrated tears fall onto your cheeks.

"How did you do it? What... How did you even do that?"

"You think that can stop me Quackity?" Technoblade asked again.

"Just answer the fucking question!" You yelled before either of them could speak. It was silent for a while before Technoblade slowly spoke up.

"A totem. I used a totem of undying. I always have it on me." He smugly said.

He continued on. "You know what?! You know what? Ive got a lot to say, I was gonna say it at the trial, but we got a little bit interrupted. You know I tried convincing you guys that government was not the answer, the government was actually the cause of all your problems!"

You rolled your eyes as he continued his infamous speech.

"I tried to convince you guys by fighting alongside you as brothers and you cast me aside, you used me. I tried to use force, but you still formed a government! And when I went into hiding, when I retired, when I swore off violence, you hunted me down, you hurt my friends." Technoblade finished.

"Techno you dont understand what we're fighting for!" You started finally finding your voice. "I thought you were for us! You were always against us!"

"I was always for you! I needed you guys to understand!"

"We needed YOU to under-"

Technoblade interrupted you. "You dont understand me! You never did!"

"At least I fucking tried and you gave me so much shit for it! I wanted to be you Technoblade. I wanted to see life through your eyes, I was fascinated by how you walk, fight, your mind."

Your anger began to subside as you continued to speak. "But, you made me lose all my faith and trust in you."

Technoblade laughed again. "Same here! You guys left me! Betrayed me so-"

"So the feeling is mutual." You growled.

It was quite for a minute, but you could feel Quackity's sympathetic stare as you poured your feelings out to a man who dosen't even matter to you.

"They warned me about this." Your arms gestured to the area the three of you were in.

"About what?" Technoblade scoffed.

"About you." You stared at Technoblade. It wasn't a glare, it was more calm.

"Quackity, Tubbo, Fundy...Even Ranboo." You airly chuckled.

You had stopped talking trying to get yourself back together. Quackity caught that you weren't talking anymore so he spoke up.

"What we have up there is a country and what we need here is organization and power. And I dont care how long it fucking takes me or what I have to do to get you Techno. Im going to fucking kill you. Im going to kill you Technoblade." Quackity gripped his axe in his hand.

"I just have one question Quackity." Techno smirked.

"What do you have?" Quackity responded and you took the sword out of the sheath hanging on your hip.

"Do you think you two are enough to kill me? Even unarmed with iron armor?" Technoblade closed the chest that held netherite armor signaling he didn't need that. "Do you think you both could take me?"

"Oh we do." You spoke up. "We need this, Technoblade."

"You know what?" Quackity rose his axe and you followed suit. "Lets find out you son of a bitch!" He charged towards Technoblade and you followed close behind.

Technoblade started running out of the long cave, but you two followed. He threw potions on the ground as he turned around and fought us head on. You were able to get a couple of cuts and hits on him, but he was cutting you more with his pickaxe.

The thing about Quackity was that he thought he was invincible. He kept going full force towards Technoblade, hopefully he would focus on him so you could finally get a critical hit on him. Your heart rate kicked up as your face came too close to his pickaxe. And it kept going, each swing he took towards you became closer and closer until Quackity slashed his arm with his axe.

Technoblade whipped his head his way. "I have a pickaxe and I'll put it right through your teeth!"

Technoblade swung his axe and slashed Quackity's face, including his eye. He then turned his pickaxe to the flat side and swung it, hitting the side of his head. The blow to his head sent him flying against one of the walls of the cave, knocking him out.

He then turned to you and in a flash you could tatse the metal of his pickaxe as it swiped across your face blinding one of your eyes as well as Quackity's. He had hit you on the side of the head like he did with Quackity. Your body was aching as you fell to the ground, your mind slowly shutting down. You were loosing a lot of blood quickly, and so was Quackity. You two knew you were going to find the strength to get out of this cave and follow Technoblade's path out.

You laid on the cave's cold floor realizing that this was a mistake. You were too loyal, easily swayed, you were a follower. You never knew when to stop, from L'Manburg to Pogtopia to The Butcher Gang you seeked things you couldn't have. You couldn't have L'Manburg, neither Pogtopia, you couldn't kill Technoblade and ease your fears snd anxieties. You need to seek that some where else.

Your mind began to slip, and you fell into unconsciousness.

You should've learned. He was right. Revolutions always fall.

The Butcher Gang was a mistake.

Dear Technoblade,

I remembered the day. It still pains me. The day you spawned those wither. I thought you were the traitor, but turns out I was wrong at the time. Im sorry for that.

I also remember when you left me for dead. But I made it out as you see.

But now I am resigning from L'Manburg. Im going my own way, my own path, and I don't want you on my path.

Think of this as closure, something I never got. As I am writing this I dont know why I am giving you closure, lifting a weight off of your shoulders, you dont deserve it.

I know people say that to you alot.

You really made a dent in this damned place.

I hate what you're doing. You get to live in solitude while we get to live in the debris you left here. I wanted to be like you.

I hate to say it, but I learned a lot from you. I hated what I learned, about myself, about you, about the current state of this horrible place.

I wont make the same mistakes again

Are you satisfied now?

- an old friend ♤

#mcyt blurb #mcyt angst #mcyt fluff #mcyt x reader #mcyt headcanons #technowoah!#quackity x reader #techno x y/n #technoblade x reader #techno x reader #techno mcyt #technoblade platonic #mcyt platonic #platonic mcyt x reader #mcyt x platonic reader #technoblade imagine #techno imagine

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descendantofthesparrow · 5 years ago

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Daughter of the honorable thief - part 9 - Harry Hook x Hood!Reader - part p3

HOLY SHIT ITS BEEN 5 MONTHS SINCE I UPDATED THIS STORY?!?!

IM SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT!!!!

no clothes previews this time guys sorry

Harry chucked a baseball at the final target, the red and white circle collapsing and the ding of the bell sounded.

“and we have a winner! Take your pick of any prize on the wall!” the worker cheered, gesturing to the wall of prizes, Harry hummed, tapping the counter.

“ill get tha’ shirt” harry pointed to a red T-shirt, the worker raised its brow, grabbing a shirt from a box.

“you sure, that’s one of our low prizes?” Harry shrugged, taking the shirt and stuffing it in his bag.

“eh, not really big on stuff animals or anything else” the worker nodded, waving harry goodbye as he started to help another customer.

Harry walked off, making his way to Johnny rockets, where you, Erza, Gil, Uma, and Harriet sat out front waiting for him, a chocolate shake in his spot.

Harry plopped down next to you, humming as he started to gulp down his shake. “you have fun?” Uma asked, tossing a fry in her mouth.

“aye” he nodded, detaching from his straw and digging into his burger “the dude was surprised that I won so easily”

“I bet, a lot of these games are rigged against the older people (a/n: this is not a fact, im just saying stuff)” Erza spoke up, letting Uma steal a bacon strip from her plate.

you shrugged, swallowing the last of your sandwich, “not really, some people are just really bad at those games”

“alright but!” Erza poked your nose “you gotta admit the damn claw machines are rigged”

“oh definitely, so rigged I hate those fucking things” you huffed, rolling your eyes and tossing a fry in your mouth and drinking your salted caramel shake.

Gil dug the Knotts map from his bag, flopping it back open on the table and asking “what are we doing next?”

you and Erza leaned over the map, Erza pointing to Hangtime, while you pointed at pony express.

Harry and Gil shook their heads “no, hangtime no that didn’t feel good/ I ain't going on tha’ death trap”

The six of you stood, throwing away your trash and making your way to pony express.

“hey, guys!”

Harriet turned, seeing Ben, Mal, Jay, Evie, Carlos, and Jane waving over to them, Evie and jay trotting over.

Evie and Uma hugged, Erza glaring at the girl slightly, softening up when you nudged her, and Jay and Gil did a little handshake.

“so what are you guys doing next?” Ben asked, arm around Mals shoulder as she and Uma exchanged nods.

“pony express, Erza wanted to go on hangtime again but fuck that” Harriet grumbled, crossing her arms and walking toward ghost town.

“oh, can we go with?” Carlos perked up, you all looked at each other and shrugged, you waving for them to follow you.

“yeah, more the merrier!”

Dude perked up, wriggling around in Carlos’ arms, yelling to be let down. “hey Carlos, put me down I smell something?!”

Carlos huffed “I know, you smell the hotdogs, im not letting you down”

“no-no!” dude yelped, hopping out of Carlos’ arms and sniffing the air “it smells like….toxic stuff!”

Mal gasped, her eyes turning green and staring at the air around them.

“Guys there's a weird magic mist in the air, its not good!”

You looked up, seeing nothing but you believed mal, grabbing Harry's wrist and started to run, yelling for the group to follow you out.

“let's go, now! Follow me!”

The vks scrambled to follow you, Erza easily catching up to you. You nodded at each other and Erza bolted off, looking for a security officer.

“We have to leave, this might be an attack on the vks” you yelled out, watching as people around you started to cough heavily, panic ensuing around you.

“Attention all personnel and park-goers, there has been a toxic substance released into the air, please immediately exit the park.”

The people around you started to panic, running off in different directions.

“oh my god?!” you looked up, the clear skies disappearing as the invisible toxin appeared, the dark green smoke surrounding you.

“RUN!” you screamed, motioning for everyone to cover their mouth and nose and bolting towards the exits for the park.

“THIS WAY, QUICKLY!” you looked to the right, there was an old entrance opened for all to get out quickly, workers guiding people out, gas masks protecting them.

You grabbed Harry's wrist, dragging him with you and out the park, you turned around, eyes widening as the smoke formed a dome.

Whoever was doing this, it was a direct attack against the vks, or the smoke would have been everywhere, not just in Knotts.

The bus was quiet, not a word from any of the kids on the bus, the driver staring blankly at the road as he drove back to Auradon.

It had been five hours since the attack at Knotts, all who had been in the main park had been tested and cleansed by fairy godmother and medical professionals for any effects from the smoke.

You stared out the window, a million theories going through your head. Harry was next to Harriet, whos arm was tight around his shoulders, fingers twitching and picking at her pants.

Erza sat next to you, messing with the bracelet on your wrist, her leg bouncing nervously on the floor.

Gil and Uma sat in the back, Uma tucked into his side and playing with his phone.

You looked around, seeing Jane and Audrey at the front of the bus, the two girls holding onto each other tightly, Audrey looking back at the vks with a worried gaze.

Her gaze turned to you, mouthing ‘are they okay?’

You shrugged, turning back to the window.

What a sour end to an amazing weekend.

Later that night, after you all had gotten back to Auradon, you sat in a large pillow fort in your room, as yours was the biggest out of the group.

You, Uma, Harry, Gil, Erza, and Harriet all sat on bean bags, staring sleepily at the tv, a lighthearted movie playing on the screen.

You sighed, sipping your (fav soda/drink) and slouching in your chair bag thing.

“well, today sucked” you muttered, the vks and Erza groaning back at you.

“you can say that agai’n hood” Erza huffed, stuffing Cheetos in her mouth “started out awesome and then that shit happens”

“at least we get the rest of the week off to cope n stuff” Uma mumbled, stealing a Cheeto from Erza.

“yeah that was nice of FG” Gil perked up “and we’re getting free food delivery to our rooms!”

“that’s because” Harry spoke up, pointing a fry at Gil “we’re on quarantine for the rest of the week”

“yeah and if it goes on longer well probably switch to online classes till FG knows for sure no one is sick from the smoke” Harriet poked Erza, making grabby hands as a coke can.

Erza handed it over as she nodded “yeah hopefully it doesn’t come to that”

“well,” you sighed, eyes turning back to the movie “let's hope they find out who did it”

“yeah”

===

“it didn’t work! How did it not work! Those vks are still alive and (y/n) is still hanging out with that hooked freak!”

“practice, you're time will come and soon (y/n) will be all yours”

“she better be”

---end of part 9---

permtaglist

@sephiralorange

@daughter-of-pan12

@marichat4lyf

@random-thoughts-003

@queer-cosette

#descendants #Descendents #disney descendants #harry hook #harry hook descendants #harry hook x reader #harry hook imagine #daughter of robin hood #daughter of the honorable thief

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moistmailman · 6 years ago

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Babysitter AU

Pyrrha, holding a 7 year old Weiss and Ruby in her arms: Look guys, can you at least try and get along today? For me?

Weiss, whining: But she's eating too many cookies!

Ruby, mouth full of cookies: No I'm not!

Weiss: Yes you are! You're getting crumbs everywhere!

Ruby, in fact, spitting out crumbs: Am not!

Weiss: Are too!

Ruby: Am not!

Weiss: Are too!

Ruby: IM NOT!

Weiss: ARE TOO!

Pyrrha, sighing: Look, why do you even care if Ruby eats too many cookies in the first place?

Weiss: Because the dunce might get a stomach ache if she eats too many!

Pyrrha:....so? Why do you care?

Weiss, awkwardly: Well because.....her tummy will hurt.

Pyrrha, smiling:.......

Weiss: W-what?

Pyrrha, cooing: Awww, are you worried about your friend Ruby?

Weiss, blushing: W-what?!

Pyrrha: You actually care about her, don't you?

Weiss, blushing more: N-no! I-its just that she is going to cry loudly of her tummy hur— H-HEY!

Ruby, hugging Weiss: AWWW! I CARE ABOUT YOU TOO, WEISSY!

Weiss, blushing: G-get off my, you dunce! Who d-do you think you are hugging me! Unhand me now!

Ruby, hugging tighter: But I wanna hug you!!!!!

Weiss: Ew! Gross. You're getting cookie crumbs everywhere! L-let go! P-pyrrha, help me!

Pyrrha: *giggles loudly*

Weiss, whining: PYRRRRRHA!

*a knock is heard at the door*

Pyrrha: Ope, I think that might be one of your sisters to pick you up. Be right back. *Stands up and leaves the room*

Weiss, trying to break free: Pyrrha! Come back here and help me! Pyrrha! PYRRHA!

Ruby, still hugging: Theres nothing wrong with hugging, Weissy!

Weiss: D-dont call me that!

Pyrrha, opening her door: Hello?

*Pyrrha opens the door to find a tall and older woman with white hair and piercing blue eyes, standing in an authority like stance*

Pyrrha, smiling: Oh, hello Winter.

Winter, bowing respectfully: Hello, Pyrrha. I hope your evening has been well.

Pyrrha, nodding: Oh it's been great. Thanks for asking.

Winter: Well that's fantastic. I assume my sister hasn't been giving you a hard time?

Pyrrha, chuckling: Oh heavens no. She's been an angel; maybe a little crabby though. But other than that, she's been fine.

Winter: Thats great to hear. Thanks for watching her by. You know, I really appreciate you being such a kind and sweet babysitter to my sister.

Pyrrha, modestly: Oh it's nothing to thank me for. I'm just doing what any other baby sitter would do.

Winter, chuckling: Thats honestly hard to believe. Weiss talks about you all the time. Talking about how sweet and amazing you are. She tells me how you are teaching her about spelling and other subjects. You are going beyond what a regular baby sitter would. And I really appreciate it. Thank you.

Pyrrha, smiling: No seriously, you don't need to thank me. Having Weiss around is always a pleasure. She's a bright and very sweet girl, even if her previous babysitter called her a brat all the time.

Winter: Well I'm still gonna. In fact, I think you deserve a little something too.

Pyrrha: What do you mean?

Winter, smiling: I have these reservations to this this beautiful restaurant, and I want to take you with me. It's for the golden clam.

Pyrrha, eyes widening: The Golden Clam? W-what? B-but that place is so expensive, Winter. I can't accept that.

Winter, smiling: But I want you too. You deserve it.

Pyrrha, slightly blushing: I-I don't k-know. T-this seems too much.

Winter: I promise that it's nothing, okay? I'm not even spending that much money. Now come on and let me award you for being such a great babysitter.

Pyrrha, hesitatingly:.....are you sure?

Winter: Yes, positive.

Pyrrha:......o-okay. I'll go.

Winter, smiling: Great. You won't regret it. I promise. The reservation is for this Friday night.

Pyrrha, nodding: Great. I can't wai— wait, this Friday night?

Winter: Yes, this Friday. Is there a problem?

Pyrrha, guiltily: Oh Winter, Im so sorry but I can't make it this Friday. I'm going to a concert with Yang.

Winter, gritting her teeth from the mentioned of the blond:......Yang you say? You're going to a concert with Yang?

Pyrrha: Yeah. She asked me this morning when she dropped Ruby off, apparently she had an extra ticket and gave it to me to not waste it.

Winter: Oh really? Well, isn’t that.....nice.....hmm.....so is it just going to be you two, or....

Pyrrha: Just us.

Winter: Wow, just you two? Man, that's....so she just so happened to had another ticket, huh? Isn’t that.....convenient.

Pyrrha: Yeah, I guess it is.

Winter, still gritting her teeth: Well that's just......wonderful.

Pyrrha:......Winter, are you alright?

Winter: Hmm? Me? Oh yeah, I'm fine. I'm all dandy. Don't worry.

Pyrrha: Oh okay. I really am sorry about this by the way. I feel really bad.

Winter: No no no, don't feel bad. I'm okay. I promise.

Pyrrha: If you say so. Anyway, allow me go get your sister for you. Be right back. *Enters her apartment*

Winter, growling under her breath: God damn it Xiao-Long! You little piece of—

???: Is that Winty I see?

Winter, under her breath: God damn it.

*Winter turns to see a tall buxom blonde swaying her way towards her with a smirk on*

Winter, annoyed: Hello Yang.

Yang, pouting: Awww, what's wrong, Winty? *Gasp* oh wait. I know that look anywhere. You just got rejected, didn't ya?

Winter, gritting her teeth: Shut up.

Yang: Man, that gotta suck now, doesn't it? So, what did you ask her out to?

Winter, sighing: If you just know....I had two reservations to....the Golden Clam.

Yang, laughing: Oh you gotta be shitting me! You must’ve wasted so much money!

Winter, gritting her teeth while trying to calm down:.......

Yang: You gotta be so pissed right now! So how does it feel, knowing that I have a date with Pyrrha? It's an awesome concert too. Does that bother you? Huh? Does it piss you off? Huh?

Winter, internally: Just ignore her. She's nothing to you. Don't let her get under your skin.

Yang: Hey, are you listening? Are you pissed? You look pissed? You look really pissed? Hey? Hey? Hey—

Winter, stomping: Okay, listen here you little harlot!

Yang: Oh ho ho ho~ I think you're mad.

Winter: I swear to God, Yang!

Yang: Why are you even after Pyrrha anyway? You're much older than her.

Winter: Im only 4 years older!

Yang, looking Winter up and down:......really?

Winter: Oh you lit—

Pyrrha, starting to walk out with Weiss: And here she is!

Winter, feigning excitement: —tle one right here. There you are, Weiss! *Ruffles Weiss's hair*

Pyrrha: Oh, hey Yang.

Yang, smiling: Heya, P money. Excited for the concert?

Pyrrha: I sure am. I'm sure it will be grand.

Yang: Me too. I was just telling Winter about it actually.

Pyrrha: Really?

Winter, smiling: Yep, she sure was. Hey, if you don't mind me asking, what concert are you going to?

Pyrrha: Oh it's uhm....*starts snapping fingers* Shoot, what was they called again?

Yang: The Achieve-Men. They're great, and sold out as well. So no one will be able to get in now. Nobody. *smirks*

Winter: *Growls under her breath*

Yang: Oh, and got front rows seat as well.

Pyrrha, nodding: Thas right. Seat 6 and 7 I believe?

Yang, nodding: Corecto, p money. So these seats are totally AMAZING! It's a shame you can't show up, Winter. Since you know....it's sold out.

Winter, clenching her fist: Yeah... It's a real....shame.....anyway, I gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow, Pyrrha.

Pyrrha: O-oh. You're leaving? O-okay. Bye.

Winter, picking up Weiss: Goodbye. *Starts to leave*

Yang, smiling: Well anyway, I'm here for the Rubster.

Pyrrha: Hmm? Oh, right. I'll be right back.

Winter, walking away: Hmm.... Seats six and seven huh?

Weiss, being carried: What?

Winter, smiling: Nothing, snowflake. *Pulls out scroll and dials a number in it before calling someone*.......hey Klein? I need a favor? Can you do some....research about a certain sold out concerts? I need to know who bought a certain ticket to it......great, thanks.

*days later, Friday night at the concert*

Yang, smiling: So, are you excited?

Pyrrha, smiling: Yeah, I kinda am. I've never been to a concert before.

Yang: Well I hope your first time will be unforgetta— wait, what the hell?!

Pyrrha, turning: Wha— Winter?

Winter, walking over to them: Hello you two. What are you doi— wait, are these your seats?

Yang, annoyed: Yeah! Remember, Pyrrha told you?

Winter: She did? Hmm, I must've forgetten.

Pyrrha: How did you get in here? I thought it was sold out.

Winter: Oh I pulled a few strings. Nothing too special. But hey, isn't this cool? I'm going to hang out with you two.

Pyrrha, smiling: Well that’s nice. Isn’t it, Yang?

Yang, gritting her teeth: Yeah, it's so....amazing!

*meanwhile*

Coco, on the phone: No Velvs, you don't understand! This rich chick walked up to me and paid me 20 grand for my concert ticket! Isn't that amazing?!.....I don't know how she I had a concert ticket. Who cares! I got 20 grand!

#rwby #pyrrha nikos #winter schnee #yang xiao long #ruby rose #weiss schnee #greekfire rwby #southpole rwby #greekfire #white rose #coco adel #velvet scarlatina #chocolate bunny rwby

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socialoutsiderwritings · 6 years ago

Text

Carpool Harryoake

Harry Styles x Reader

A/N: Uhm I’m in literal tears because this fine ass is turning 25 in like 3 days .... WOWOWOW my hearttttttttt. Also , i don’t own any of the song’s (lyrics)???? Lyrics are in italics. It’s probably written really weird with like the lyrics and everything but I literally dreamt this and I had to write it.

Songs : I do it so well - the struts , isnt she lovely -stevie wonder , smells like teen spirit - nirvana , one thing , diana , over again , wolves - one direction.

“I’m so nervous,” you spoke to Harry. “I already told them I can’t sing. I’m literally tone deaf.” You laugh. “I hope they cut my nagging out.” You laugh and reach towards the radio to play the first song.

I've been talking shit almost every single day Walking down the streets of sunny LA Watch me now, walk, talk, movin' 'round the corner, "Hello" I work harder than a sauna

I've been flying high almost every single day

Pushin' all my luck, it's goin' my way

Kiss me now, tongues, hands slidin' into places, "Hello" Speed up, picking up the paces

Why don't you ring it, come and ring it Come and ring my bell Why don't you bring it, come and bring it Come and bring me hell Don’t I do it so well? I do it so well Don't I do it so well? Uh-huh Girl, you're my holy, you're my holy You're my holy grail Yeah I'm a star, yeah I'm a star I'm a five-star hotel Don't I do it so well? I do it so well Don't I do it so well? Honey

“I love that song!” You exclaim. “It really got me pumped.”

“You should have let me drive. I never get to drive.” He playfully whined.

“Oh , like you’re any better.” You playfully smacked him. “My first carpool karaoke , how am I doing so far?”

“Uhm , well , you have a lot of energy and dance moves for someone who’s driving. Im a lil’ scared.” He confessed.

“I can drive with my eyes closed , what are you talking about!”

“Oh my god! Please don’t do that.” He grabbed on to the wheel as he saw you close your eyes. You laughed before opening your eyes again.

“Today’s a special day , innit?”

Harry smiles, “it’s my birthday.”

“Tha’s right. You’re like , what , 30?” You joke.

“Ha ha. No. I’m only 25 thank you very much. Let’s go back in time shall we?” You squealed in excitement when the familiar tune started playing thru the speakers.

Isn't she lovely Isn't she wonderful Isn't she precious Less than one minute old I never thought through love we'd be Making one as lovely as she But isn't she lovely made from love

Isn't she pretty Truly the angel's best Boy, I'm so happy We have been heaven blessed I can't believe what God has done Through us he's given life to one But isn't she lovely made from love

“Oh my God. I remember watching your audition and I got goosebumps all over. Look,” You held your arm out in front of him , “and you still manage to give me goosebumps again.”

“I was really nervous that day. I don’t know if you could notice it.”

“No , not even one bit. But I do remember the OUTFITS!” You cackle. Harry covered his face to hide the smile playing on his lips. “I mean , we’ve all had that phase.” You tell him to make him feel better. “I have pictures of me in just really really , you know , just dark edgy outfits. And not the fashionable kind. I had a bunch of band t-shirts that I paired with checkered skinny jeans and animal beanies and God it was bad.” You scrunch your face up at the memory. “And it was all heavy eyeliner and my arms were covered in bracelets up to my elbow. I can’t believe my mom let me go out like that.”

“You have to let me see those pictures.” He laughs.

“No way! Never in a million years.”

“That’s not fair. You saw all of mine.”

“Because they were pap shots.” You mocked him. “I actually probably burned all of them if I’m honest.”

“You listened to a lot of rock music back in the day then?”

“Oh yeah.” You nodded. “Still do. My taste in music is all over the place. If I like I like it , really. But really my heart will always belong to punk rock.”

“So do you know this one?” He smirks. You pause the song when you recognize it and look at Harry.

“You know I do! But its gonna have to be all you , because I will literally shatter all the windows on this car if I even attempt to sing this.” Harry ignores you and plays the song. “Oh my god.”

Load up on guns, bring your friends It's fun to lose and to pretend She's over-bored and self-assured Oh no, I know a dirty word

Hello, hello, hello, how low Hello, hello, hello, how low Hello, hello, hello, how low Hello, hello, hello

You look out the window and notice the girls in the car next to you are waving at you while recording you with their cellphones in their other hand. You tap Harry and he props himself up on his arm to look over. He waves at them and tells them to sing with you two.

With the lights out, it's less dangerous Here we are now, entertain us I feel stupid and contagious Here we are now, entertain us A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido Yeah, hey

The car behind you honks for you to go and you wave at them before speeding off. “That was good.”

“I heard you used to have a lot of One Direction poster sin your room when you were younger.” Harry giggles.

“I did. And I have no shame.” You point out. “Plus I know my sister told you and I know she’s gonna watch this so,” You look directly in to the camera , “you better watch your back cuz you’re gonna pay for revealing classified information.” You joke. “Plus,” you turn your attention back to Harry, “it’s not like every other girl in the world didn’t have posters of you boys at one point in their life.”

“You were a pretty big fan then?” You nod. “Well then let’s play a game. I’ll play a song and we have to figure out what lyric comes after.”

“I am gonna murder you in this game. I know ALL of them.”

“I was in the band!” He argues.

“Yeah , yeah.” You wave a dismissive hand at him. “Are we doing all the albums or?”

“All of the albums. Are you ready?” He says as he holds the phone in his hands.

“I was born ready , baby.” He laughs and presses play.

Now I’m climbing the walls. But you don’t notice at all. That I’m going out of my mind. All day and All night.

“Easy!” You yell when he presses pause. “So get out , get out get outta my head. And fall in to my arms instead. I don’t , I don’t don’t know what it is. but I need that one thing.” You belt out with passion.

“I gave you an easy one. Ok , next one.”

Let me be the one to lift your heart up and save your life. I don’t think you even realize Baby , you’d be saving mine. Diana

“Oh shit.” You laugh. “Wait no, I know this.”

Harry cups his hands over his mouth , “Fake fan. Fake fan.” He chants.

“No! I know this one..” you tap your fingers on the steering wheel impatiently, “Ok no. I don’t know.” You slowly lower your head so your forehead is resting on the steering wheel and fake sob when you reach the stoplight.

Harry mockingly clears his throat, “It’s only been four months but you’ve fallen down so far. How could someone mislead you at all? I wanna reach out for ya. I wanna break these walls. I speak a different language But I still hear your call.” He sings. You turn your head to face him and he pretends to drop a mic.

“We’re tied! So it doesn’t count.” You sit up straight again. You focus back on the road as Harry chooses another song.

And I can lend you broken parts That might fit like this And I will give you all my heart So we can start it all over again

“Again we can take the same road two days in the same clothes And I know just what she’ll say if we i can make all this pain go Can we stop this for a minute You know I can tell you that your heart isn’t in it or with it. Tell me with your mind body and spirit , I can make your tears fall down like the showers that are British,” You drag a fake tear down your cheek , “whether we’re together or apart We can both remove the masks and admit that we regret it from the start. If you’re-” Harry places a hand over your mouth.

“I get it. You know the lyrics.” He deadpans. “You’re so competitive.” He jokes.

Your jaw drops at his comment , “me? Look who’s talking.” You laugh.

“Last one.”

I aint up for debating , Aint enough for the taking , You got the whole world shaking.

“in the middle of the night when the wolves come out , headed straight for your heart like a bullet in the dark. One by one , I gotta take them down But you run and hide , aint goin down without a fight.” You and Harry sing in unison.

“No , it’s almost over.”

“Thank God. I’m starting to lose my hearing.” He covers his ears.

“Rude.” He laughs and reaches over to give you a quick squeeze. “Anyway,” you playfully push him away, “this last one is one of my favorites. So we’re gonna do something big.” You smile mischievously.

“Now I’m really scared.” He tells you as you pull in to a parking lot of a bar. You hand him a blindfold and he hesitates before grabbing it form your hand. “You’re joking?” You smile as you shake your head. “You know this is recording right?”

“Harry , just put it on.” You tell him before stepping out of the car.

“You’re missing the main part of carpool karaoke.” He yells at you before you slam the driver’s door shut. You wait for him to put on the blindfold before grabbing his hand and helping him out of the car. “The last time I went along with something like this , a stripper was involved.” He told you as you continued to lead him.

“Yeah , well you’re not getting that lucky today.” You stopped when you finally made it inside. “On the count of three,” you let go of his arm and walked away from him , “take off the blindfold. One , two , three.”

“Happy birthday to you,” you , his mom , Gemma, James and a few of his other friends began to sing when he removed the blindfold. He couldn’t help the grin that made its way on to his face. Anne lit the candles on his cake as everyone continued to sing. He wiped away the tears of job from his eyes before they could make their way down his face.

“You were in on this?” He points to James as he walks over to him when you had all finished singing. James just laughs and gives Harry a tight hug. He makes his way around the bar hugging and thanking all of his guests.

“Hey. Don’t forget to blow out the candles.” You call to him. He rushes back tot he table where the cake is , “Make a wish birthday boy.” You smirk.

“I think you know what I want.” He whispers to you , before lowering himself and blowing out the candles.

-------------

Part 2 COMING SOON

#Harry Styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #harry styles x reader one shot #harry styles smut #harry styles x reader imagine #harry styles x reader fan fic

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theabominableblogger · 6 years ago

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My Reaction to “Gotham” S5E2

In Which Harvey Continues to be the Best Goddamn Thing in This Show

I was a lucky son of a duck and managed to get this reaction while the episode was airing live on FOX last night. For episodes 3-12, I will be waiting for Hulu to receive them because of an upcoming spring semester at college. So for episodes 3-12, I will be in the dark until Friday or Saturday (so no spoilers from y’all).

Also, on TV, there are so many GOD. DAMN. COMMERCIALS.

AN: I managed to record my reactions to this episode and hopefully I can transcribe what I said into this post.

*Recaps shows the chopper* OK, so who freakin’ shot down the chopper?

Oh, Tabitha...

*We see a whole bunch of injuries on Will’s back* What the...

“They call themselves the Soothsayers.” The Sooth- what?

“They’re digging some sort of tunnel.” *gasps and reels back* It’s Jeremiah! ‘Cause he has a tunnel! Oh my God!

What’s the tunnel for?

OK, never mind then, I don’t think Jeremiah’s in charge of the Soothsayers

“The second you [Jim] step outside that door, someone’s gonna take a shot at you, and if it’s not you that’s getting hit, it’s the schmoe standing next to you.” *laughs*

*Jim hangs up on the radio* Who’s on the other end?

“Four shells each. Half a mag each.” Wow.

“Will says the Soothsayers are here, which means we have to pass through Sirens territory.” Ooh.

“She’s [Barbara] gonna be thrilled to see you [Jim] after what happened with Tabitha.” Ooooff...

Wait, so is the Dark Zone like around Gotham? At the docks or...

What?

So this is Robinson Park, OK... so this is where Ivy is.

Oh, these sets look nice. Getting some serious Arkham Knight flashbacks.

Swore I just saw someone move in the background...

*Bruce catches a guy trying to sneak up on him* Yeah.

“They came for help too!” What district are they from? Why are they British?

*jams along with opening theme*

*silently headbangs to heavy metal cover of "Ring of Fire” by Social Distortion playing in Barbara’s club*

*Everyone stops dancing when Jim arrives* Oooohhhh... ooohh hoo hoo hoooo...

“It’s a police matter.” “You know, they should really write that on your tombstone.” *laughs*

“Drive right into this nightmare you’ve created.” Actually it’s Jeremiah... kay...

“HAVE AT HIM! RIP HIM TO SHREDS!” Ooof.

*Panning shot of an absolute dark Gotham* Oh my God.

*laughs* There’s just this one random burst fire hydrant!

So is this whole episode gonna be them [Jim and Harvey] fighting their way out of the Dark Zone?

*jaw drops when someone shoots an arrow at Harvey*

“It’s a freaking arrow, Jim! IT’S A FREAKING ARROW!” *scoffs in shock*

Whooooo I remember her [the Day of the Dead lady] from the trailers!

Yeah, that’s the same... freaking tunnel

“The smoke... you [Gabriel] should take it.” No.

“It’ll give you energy-” Oh my God, is that Viper? Is that Viper from S1?

“-see the future.” What?

Or does Jeremiah shanghai this whole tunnel later this season?

“Once this tunnel is complete, we will have exclusive access to the mainlands.” Oh my God, they are going to the mainland!

God, that guy [Sykes] just spit everywhere!

Sykes? Isn’t that the bad guy from Oliver and Company?

“In Penguin’s grace, we will remain.” Ohh, that’s a good line.

“What are the cattle prods for?” “Fun.” *scoffs in hilarity*

“If he [Sykes] moves, kill him.” Oh ho! Jim’s not messin’ around!

Yeah, that’s that same tunnel that Jeremiah [and Ecco] are in in some of those pictures.

AN: Take a shot every time I mention the damn tunnel.

So is Gabriel Will’s older brother?

“Why would anyone be a cop in a world like this?” “Well, the Halloween shop was all out of gas masks so it was either this or Sexy Nurse.” *reels back in chair from laughter*

“Let take ‘im, boys.” CHEESE IT, BOYS!

*Sykes and his men try to take the kids* Oh no.

*Jim comes to the rescue* Yay.

*One of the car tires get shot* Ooohhh...

*Commercials start* OK... OK... so... what?

Wait, so is Jeremiah gonna leave for the mainland? Like “Syke, I’m gonna get out of here!”

Noo... because his mission is Bruce so I don’t think he even wants to leave Gotham. It’s the whole “I don’t wanna kill you! What would I do without you?” mantra going on.

Whaaaaaatt...

What is she [Ivy] wearing?

“You have to believe me.” “Forgive me if I find it hard to do so.” COLD.

“It wasn’t me. It was the park.” *in unison with Bruce* The park?

“The plants are my protection.” ...OK.

“Maybe we can help each other.” Bruce...

TELL HER IT’S SELINA!

“There’s a seed. It’s growing under the oaks. It’s said to have magical qualities. When digested, it goes to the damaged tissue and bone.” A seed?

Wwwhhhhaaaattt?

Ed? Hello? How are you? Where are you? Are you in the library again? Why are sleeping with your glasses on?

What is going on?

That [library] looks like Oswald’s old house [the van Dahl mansion]

Oh my God, are we gonna see Ed peeing?

EEUUGGHHH we don’t need to be seeing this...

Oh my God, there’s someone in the frickin’ [bathtub]...

“There’s nothing there.” *laughs*

Waaaaiit... what’s going on?

[Ed] You’re gonna attack him [the Street Demon] with a toilet plunger! *cackles*

“Did I uh...” *chuckles*

“We’re gonna have to do all this again? Guess so...” *scoffs*

What is that place?

“It’s not safe out there.” No dip, Jim.

“Maybe there’s still good people left in Gotham.” Mmmmmm....

Yeah, you’re [Jim and Harvey] gonna leave three kids there [in the lobby]. All alone. In a strange building. Great.

Harvey, you’re a blessing.

Yeah, you’re gonna leave the three kids there. Right. Great idea. Great idea.

These sets are fabulous.

“Hello?” Blaaggghh! Jump scare!

“GCPD.” Take a shot!

Was that a crow [in the background]?

There’s just a bunch of random folded clothes everywhere.

*Harvey finds the dinner table full of body parts* Oh my God...

Are those teeth?

*Harvey finds a plate of bloody fingers* :0

Oh my God, freaking- they’re freaking cannibals?!?

*gasps when Mother attacks Harvey*

*has to leap out of seat to cool off when commercials start*

Oh wow, I love Sweeney Todd.

*ends up coughing up a lung*

So far, again, this feels like a foundational episode. It’s just like “OK, we gotta work on this, we gotta make sure this is safe,” and yeah.

I wonder if the Jaime Murray character is gonna show up at the end of the episode or something.

AN: You may think that... but no.

I also wanna know what kind of crack these writers were on for this final season. Tze Chun had the good shit; I dunno about the others.

*gasps in disgust when Ed hits the Street Demon in the mouth with a wrench.”

“[Ed] You wanted to know where the Street Demons base was.” Why?

“Aaand you wanted to make sure the boss would be there.” Why?

“OK, how did I [Ed] seem? Was I... confident? Flamboyant? Charisma for days?” *giggles*

“Or was I conserved, kinda repressed, a little nerdy?” *laughs*

Soo... did Hugo combine the two personalities? ‘Cause the pushing up the glasses is a new thing.

*gasps when Ivy kills the men who were holding her.”

“[Bruce] You are so utterly naive.” Oh my God.

“[Selina] She is paralyzed and has lost the will to live.” “Good.” What?!?

“That bitch destroyed the last of the Lazarus Water.” ExCUSe me?!?

“Let her suffer.” Noooo...

You can tell that Peyton List [Ivy] is just wearing a whole bunch of face powder on.

“I am feeding the earth these wretched creatures. It consumes them.” She has lost her freakin’ mind.

*Ivy starts caressing Bruce’s neck* Do not prick his neck.

“Those men you killed were right. You are a witch. A murderous, callous witch.” WHOOOOOOO- oh my God...

Hoo!

“What’s your name?” “I- I can’t remember.” What?

“She found me?” “Who?” “The ghost!” The ghost?

“She makes me call her.. Mother.” *reels back and puts hands in the air* It is Mother and Orphan!

Wait, is that the kid?

*The kid stays behind* It is the kid! That’s Orphan!

Oh my God...

“The lights will make you dizzy. And then you’ll go to sleep.” Oh this is cool..

“Jim, I don’t feel so good.” Wow, I love Infinity War.

Actually no, I hated it. I was sick the first time I saw it.

*gasps when Mother sneaks up behind Jim*

They really do need to put a flashing lights warning on this.

*gasps when Mother fights off Jim and Harvey*

*Harvey tries to leave* There’s an open window! You broke a window! Go through the window!

*looking through the Gotham tag on Tumblr during commercials* Wow, someone wrote some fanfiction quick.

Oh wow, I love Ghost Adventures!

*gasps when Ed and the Street Demon find the Street Demon leader wiped out.”

[Penguin Was HERE] Really?!?

*imitates the guitar riff going off*

*Ivy leads Bruce to the seed* Oh my gosh, that’s so pretty

*Ivy gives Bruce the seed* I ain’t eatin’ that...

“One thing’s for certain... the seed will alter her [Selina] forever.” Great.

“Some say, the darker angels of our mind-” Great.

Also, yay for natural lighting finally in this show. I love it when they use natural lighting in the show. It looks so nice.

“What’s the matter, Bruce? Don’t know if you can trust me?” I don’t trust you.

“I don’t.” “Good. then you’re finally becoming a man.” Ivy, you’re like his age. shut up.

*Ivy sits in one of the low sitting trees* OK, so if the tree branches just grab her and just sink down into the ground, this will be the greatest thing.

“Detective Gordon, your hand’s bleeding.” Uhhh...

*Sykes and his men arrive* Oh my God... monster truck!

“Wait just a minute! Please...” Whoaaa... who are you?

I don’t know who that is. She [the Day of the Dead looking lady] looks cool though.

*commercials start* Who is this? Who are you?

Five bucks: Barbara comes in and saves the day even though she still hates Jim. She hates everybody. She comes in like “I’m just here for the kids, not you.”

Oh noo...

“Did you [Bruce] find the witch?” “It was Ivy.” Great! Alfred’s like “Oh bloody brilliant!”

“What choice do I have?” Bruuuce...

“I want to help Selina as much as you do but Ivy’s a maniacal, cold-hearted killer.” You met her like twice, Alfred!

But true, she is.

“So if Ivy wants to kill me, she can have at it.” Oh my God...

Who wrote this episode? I’m gonna have words.

*Bruce gives Selina the seed* Yeah, you’re gonna shove that down your throat. Great.

Is she gonna chew it?

*Selina starts chewing the seed like a gummie vitamin* OK then...

It’s the Spiderman bite except in fruit form.

*freezes when Selina starts seizing*

“God, what have I [Bruce] done?” *extremely sad face*

“I’ll tell you what! I’ll [Sykes] take his head! And you can have the rest of him!” *scoffs in shock*

*gasps when Jim shoots the Day of the Dead lady*

Is that a monster truck?!?

My sister: Is that a tank?!?

That’s a monster truck!

*both immediately at loss of words when Barbara hops down*

Wow, I love Hot Wheels!

*jaw drops when Jim uses his last bullet to kill Sykes and defend Barbara*

Wow... that just... came out of nowhere!

“Wow. Wasted your last bullet for me. Must be love.” No it is not. Barbara, how dare you say that?

*Barbara tells Jim she wants to kill Penguin.” Great. Great plan.

Wait, you’re gonna invite Barbara to the Green Zone? Yeah, great plan, Jim. Great plan!

*Jim and Co. arrive at the Green Zone* Whoa!

He [Lucius] looks fab!

Wait a minute, is this [the Green Zone] that apartment complex that got blown up in the trailer?!? Are you freaking kidding me?

They’re gonna freaking blow this place up later in the season. God dang it. Who did it and why? Who does it and why?

We stan one future police commissioner.

“See you around, killer. We have some unfinished business, you and I.” Nooo you don’t. Cool off!

Oh crap, is she [Selina] gonna be gone in the morning?!?

Oh my God, Bruce hasn’t slept in like 48 hours?!? Great.

*gasps* She’s [Selina] not there! Did she go out the window?

Did she pull a “Dark Knight Rises” and back flip out the window?

“Bruce...” Oh no.

She [Selina] looks like Michelle Pfeiffer.

“[Selina] How do you feel?” “Different.” Why are her eyes closed? Open yo eyes!

“I’m better. Even better than before in fact.” Mmmmm no!

*Bruce hugs Selina* Yay hug! We like hugs! We like some hugs! Yay!

Oh my God, she’s gonna go on a murdering spree and kill some people, isn’t she?

*Selina’s eyes* WHAAATT the frick?!? Wha-

WhaAAAAttt?!?

*gasps when Ecco pops up in the promo for next episode*

*ejects out of chair to cool off*

AN: Ecco, your man better treat you right or I’m gonna fight him AND the writers.

We’re getting WhaAAAtt??? WHaaaAAT??

Oh my God...

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dilfhakyeon-moved · 7 years ago

Text

A Friend, a Jelmer fanfic

Andy back at it again with the shit title ! Edit: someone give me a "probably" word count geez

Here’s part one,

Guardian Angel AU, modern setting, all set all good.

Tagged: @well-the-kids-do-too @racetrackcook @i-got-personality @imjusttheoutgoingsidekick @thatfancyclam @we-dont-sell-papes @ben-cook-can-cook @not-your-cigar @fuckinviral @jackhasdreams @racescoronas @suddenly-im-respecsable ( i don’t remember if you wanted to be added to the tag list or not ? i have 0 memory and i’m so sorry if this bothers you, feel free to tell me so i edit it ! )

"Okay, but - even if you don't have your wings, I don't see how you're going to fit in. I mean, what are you going to do ? Live with a foster family ? These are bad ! I have friends who live with a foster family, and it's bad."

"Hmm... Yea, I know that but, I'd thunk I could live with ya."

"Uhuh."

He had expected that to be a joke, but the angel seemed pretty serious as he spoke. Or not necessarily serious, but it seemed he meant it. Uhuh. He wasn't sure how to take it or how it was supposed to happen, though ; he just tried to adjust his own mood to his friend's.

"You mean... My parents are just gonna have to be fine with raising a kid who appeared out of nowhere and who doesn't have papers and stuff ?"

"That ain't what I said, but ya'll see what I mean. Don't worry ! It'll be fine."

... Fine. Okay.

To be honest, JoJo had many more questions, but at the moment they had to head home ; the sun was starting to fade. How long had passed since they'd started talking ? Taken aback by the evening, he stood regardless, helping his friend up before beginning to walk, pointing in the direction of where he lived. "We're gonna have to walk a bit, but it'll be fast."

"Oh, I know !" He was met with such enthusiasm, he was almost surprised.

"You... know."

"Well, yea. Guardian angels gotta watch their pal for a bit before they can go see an' meet 'em. That's how it works !"

Uhuh, rational, right... Well, now he was pointing it out, it surely made sense. Not that he felt stupid for asking, but a tiny bit. "Okay, well, then let's go... home."

Because Elmer said they'd live together, apparently. He didn't, mind, just - how was this supposed to happen ?

He had his answer quickly.

As they finally arrived home and walked in, the taller boy's mother greeted him, however frowning at the sight of that kid who seemed... well, unfortunate. Her concerned gaze made JoJo's chest tighten a little. Was she going to allow his friend to stay ? What was his plan ? Did he... really have a plan ? He seemed confident, despite how stiff and tense he was, and had been ever since they'd gotten to meet. Frankly, his mother was pretty much having the same reaction he did back when they'd first met, maybe two hours ago. But then she spoke, and that was when things became confusing.

"Who's your friend, Jo ?" She gently inquired, as worry could be heard in her voice regardless.

"Well, he's..."

"I'm his childhood friend, Elmer Kasprzak !" What ? She'd never buy this. "An' my parents kind'a kicked me out, so JoJo'd told me ya'd be fine with havin' me stay here 'till I find a better place !"

Her expression didn't seem to change, and he didn't seem to stop speaking.

"By the way, Miss, we' seen each other already, right ? I came over many many times ! An' we even made cookies together once. I blow'd it but we tried. We also go to mass together. 'Member ?"

At this point, JoJo's jaw had pretty much dropped, and the way his eyebrows were furrowing indicated just how flabbergasted he was. How was she even supposed to believe that ? He didn't even look like he was from this time period ! And he had an accent they both had never heard. Or at least, JoJo was pretty sure he had never heard it before... maybe once, but he couldn't say where. On TV, he thought. It wasn't American, either way, or... a mix of New York and... somewhere in Europe ? Oh, he couldn't tell, he wasn't an expert. Just a hunch.

"Oh, now that you mention it."

The strangest goddamn thing, what ?

His mother was now nodding, and her face had softened. Did she remember lies that never even happened ? What kind of... "Well, Elmer, you know we don't have a lot of room here, but we'll try to make you as comfortable as possible."

"Tha's fine ! It's just like a long sleepover. We've had lots of fun with sleepovers so we can see it like that !"

That earned a laugh from her.

Meanwhile, JoJo was staring, wide eyed, frowning and overall completely stunned, which made his mother laugh once again as she gently patted his head.

"Now, what's the matter ? C'mon, you guys go to your room and have some fun before dinner."

"Actually, Miss-- can I demand somethin' ? Can we eat in his room ? I got many things to talk about." Elmer seemed to be incredibly convincing and good at what he was doing, because once again she agreed. Needless to comment on JoJo's reaction. Dinner was sacred, wasn't it ? They had to pray before eating ! How could they not, how could she--

"Fine, boys. I'll have to dismiss you now, I'm not on chore duty today but I have a show to watch."

Well, good to know dad was doing the dishes and the cooking tonight, alright. Probably the only normal information he'd received in the past... ten minutes.

"Have fun with that !" Elmer's cheerful voice rang again, before he grabbed JoJo's wrist and practically dragged him to his room. Once they were inside, door closed and sitting on the bed ( not the door, them ), the latter couldn't help but whimper in exasperation and distress. What the heck was happening ?

" 's mind control," the other simply replied, with a cheeky grin. "Didn't tell ya beforehand 'cause I known you'd look all funny an' shocked."

"You-- mind controlled my mother ?! Is this legal in the eyes of God ?" That question was so poorly worded, the brightest and cutest giggle left the angel.

"I mean, he gave me that power ! 'Must mean I can use it when needed."

"Still... was it needed for dinner ? I mean, we pray before dinner... You should know that."

"Who's gon' prevent you from prayin' ? You can pray here. I just decided I wanted to talk to you without havin' a erase their memories after dinner."

Erase... their memories. That was a lot to take in, and Elmer absolutely realised that, he could see it on his face. He was playing with him in a way that wasn't fun at all, but in retrospect, could he blame him ? That angel had been... well, learning to be a guardian angel probably required tough training. He surely didn't get to have a lot of fun, and he still seemed pretty young ; around his age. That was old in terms of angel years, maybe ( so he assumed ), but it didn’t mean he wasn’t just like a normal human teenager.

He'd just let it be for now, for his thoughts were wandering elsewhere.

"So... Kasprzak ?"

"Uh ?" This time, it was the smaller kid's turn to be surprised. But he nodded, and smiled again, his tooth gap showing. "Yea."

"Elmer Kasprzak."

"Tha's my name."

He thought. "That's a nice name," JoJo eventually responded.

It had a nice sound to it ; somehow he couldn't help but feel attached to that boy already. Everything about him felt safe and comfortable, like he could trust him, like he knew him. Likely stemmed from being so devout... Oh, was he lucky to be so devout.

“Are you gonna keep wearing these clothes ? Can you maybe change them with your powers ?” Suddenly, some excitement seemed to bring fire to his eyes, but Elmer quickly had to shook his head.

“Nah... It ain’t necessary, so I ain’t doin’ it. It’s fine.”

“Oh.”

JoJo paused.

“But you’re gonna have to fit in.”

“I guess.”

“You’ll wear my clothes !”

Elmer raised his eyebrows. “But I’m small.”

“That’s okay, I think that it’ll look-- that uh, it’ll be fun. It doesn’t have to look perfect, right ?”

That it’ll look cute. Was that what he was going to say ? Perhaps. That was silly.

Elmer ended up grinning nonetheless. JoJo wasn’t aware whether he could read minds, but at this moment he truly hoped he couldn’t.

“Fine, then ! I’ gon’ look kinda goofy, but it’ll be fun.”

“Yeah, it will. And you’ll meet my other friends. They’ll love you.”

“I’m sure they’re cool,” the angel finished with an unreadable smile.

#jelmer #jojo de la guerra #elmer kasprzak #newsies #androlomew writes stuff

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buckyscrystalqueen · 7 years ago

Text

Stepping Up Again: Part 3

Pairings: Chibs x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, angst, teenage pregnancy

Word Count: 1,652

A/N: This series is a continuation of Stepping Up! Read that first if you haven’t! Hold onto your pants, though because this is gunna be a wild ride!

Stepping Up Masterlist Aesthetic by @ravenangel33

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Mom! Do I have to go to school?” Kelsi whined as she stomped into the kitchen. You nodded absentmindedly as you served Kellan’s breakfast.

“Yep. Don’t wanna hear it, Kels. Kellan, phone down at the table.” Your daughter whined and stomped her feet over to the table.

“So unfair.” She groaned as she rubbed her hand over her five and a half month along baby bump.

“It’s your fault you got knocked up.” Kellan teased as he broke off some of his pop tart and shoved them in his mouth.

“Kellan, I will kill you!” Kelsi shouted as she lunged toward her brother.

“Kelsi, sit down! Kellan, leave your sister alone, damn it. It’s enough!” You glared at your kids and handed Kelsi a smoothie. “It’s just enough.” The three of you looked up in different directions as Chibs came in to get his breakfast at the same time Mike came in to take Kelsi to school for second period.

“Out’a m’ouse.” Chibs said simply with a dismissive wave of his hand.

“Dad.” Kelsi sighed as she grabbed a lid for her breakfast.

“Nope, m’ouse, m’rules. ‘e can still take ye ta school an’ ‘e’s still a prospect bu’ ‘e’s still no’ welcome in m’ouse.” You rolled your eyes at your husband but choose not to say anything as you handed Kelsi her lunch. You gave her a kiss on the cheek as she grabbed her backpack and followed her boyfriend out the door. The second it latched behind her, you rounded on your husband and whacked his stomach.

“Cut the shit.” He shrugged dismissively as he poured himself a cup of coffee. Your eyes narrowed as he turned around to look at you as if he wasn’t in the wrong and once again, you found yourself squaring off for another fight with your old man. “Kellan, go to your room.”

“Aw, mom.” He whined.

“Kellan! Go!” You heard him huff over the sound of his chair scraping on your tile floor and you and Chibs stood in a stare off until you heard his door close. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I don’ ‘ave ta like ‘im, (Y/N)!”

“That’s not the point here, Filip! The point is, you are doing every single Goddamn thing in your power to push our daughter out of our lives. You get that, right?”

“She’s no’ goin’ anywhere, luv.” He snapped as he gestured to the door. “‘e’s no’ stupid enough ta take ‘er away from Charmin’…”

“No but he loves her. And if she tells him to jump he’s going to ask how high in a heart beat. You are pushing my baby away…” You almost instantly burst into tears and Chibs lost any and all fight in the situation.

“Shit… luv I’m sorry…”

“That’s our daughter, Filip and our granddaughter. We have to support… ev-everything…”

“I know. Shh, I know. I’m done fightin’ it, m’luv.”

“She gets you every time with the tears…” Kellan said as he leaned against the door frame leading into the kitchen.

“Boy-o, ye best ge’ yer smart ass ta the truck ‘fore I beat yer ass.” Chibs growled as he turned to glare at your son. Your son and his smart mouth ran through the kitchen as fast as he could to get away from his father’s current wrath.

“Why are you boys such assholes?” You sobbed as your husband ran his hand across the back of your head.

“Because we’re assholes, luv. Simple as tha’.” You nodded at him as he took a step back and gently kissed your forehead. “I’m sorry, (Y/N).” You nodded again as he brushed your tears away.

“Don’t apologize to me. Apologize to Mike and Kelsi. Because they are the ones you have been upsetting the most in the past five and a half months.” He nodded at you as your son honked your car horn so he wouldn’t be late for middle school. “I’ll see you at work.” Chibs nodded as he grabbed his cup of coffee to finish it quickly so he could get to the club, too.

——

“Is this Mrs. Telford?” Your brow furrowed as you looked away from the computer to give the woman on the phone your complete attention.

“Yes, this is.” You heard the woman hum on the other end of the call as you sat back in your chair.

“Mrs. Telford, this is Karen Smith from Charming High School. I’m calling to find out if Kelsi was home sick today and you may have forgotten to call…?” Your stomach turned as you quickly sat up straight.

“What? No, she went to school today.” You jumped up from the chair and walked as quickly as you could toward the club house to try and find the prospect.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Telford. She wasn’t in second or third period.” You nodded to yourself as you yanked open the back door to the club.

“Well thank you for letting me know. I’ll call her cell phone now.” You barely heard the woman say good-bye as you ripped open the doors to the chapel, not giving a shit about the rules. “Where is that little prick?” You spat as you looked around the room for Mike.

“Luv…?” Chibs tried as you found his eyes.

“Kelsi’s not in school.” You said as you pointed your finger at him. “I fucking told you.” You turned on your heel and left the chapel as you started calling your daughter. Her phone went straight to voicemail and you took a deep breath trying to steady yourself as Jax grabbed your arm.

“What the hell is going on?” You shook your head as you tried her cell again while grabbing his cigarettes from his kutte pocket.

“Chibs kicked Mike out of the house again this morning when he came to pick up Kelsi. She was already complaining about not wanting to go to school… Kelsi, it’s mom. You need to call me right away. I’m not mad, I just need you to call me so I know you’re OK.”

“Call every charter we got.” Jax said as he turned back to the other Sons. “I want every single man available looking for them.”

“Luv, we’ll find them.” Chibs tried as Juice got on the phone to start putting the word out. Your eyes narrowed at him and you shook your head.

“I’ve been warning you for months, Filip. Now let’s just pray to God my baby comes home.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“She’s gunna come home.” Lyla said as the two of you sat in the living room of your house, staring at the front door. You shook your head and tears rolled down your cheeks as you absentmindedly ran your fingers through Kellan’s hair. He had refused to leave your side for any reason since he got home and despite the fact that he would never admit it to anyone, he had cried himself to sleep with his head on your lap about an hour before.

“I should have let her stay home.” You said for probably the hundredth time. Lyla shook her head as she rubbed your back reassuringly.

“She’ll come home, (Y/N).” Your head shot up as the sweep of a set of headlights across your front window but the distant rumble of motorcycles made your heart nearly stop. You let out a choked sob, that woke up Kellan as Chibs, Jax, and Opie came into the living room.

“Let’s go to bed, Kel.” You said as you completely ignored your husband. You got to your feet and dipped your shoulder out of his reach as you followed your son to his room.

“Can you call her again?” He asked as he climbed into bed and scooted all the way across the full size mattress. You nodded as you lifted up the covers and got into bed beside him.

“Hey! It’s ya girl, Kelsi! You got my voicemail because I’m probably out with my boo, with friends, or at school. Leave a message at the beep and I’ll get back to you. Oh, and yes dad, I know that time curfew is!” “The mailbox you are trying to call is full.”

You played the message one more time as Kellan curled up against your side with tears in his eyes.

“She’s gunna come home, right mom?” He asked softly as you set your phone on the bedside table. “I promise I won’t pick on her anymore.” Your already shattered heart broke even more as you held onto your son as tightly as you could.

“She’ll come home, baby. I know she will. We just have to give her some time, ya know?” He nodded his head as you pulled up the blanket over his shoulders.

“Momma… can you sing?” Tears welled in your eyes and you nodded against the top of his head.

“Of course, baby.” You saw a shadow fall across the wall in front of you from the hall way as you started singing ‘Three Little Birds’ to your son. You closed your eyes and shook your head subtly as you rubbed Kellan’s back until he fell back asleep. As you laid there singing the same song over and over, you could hear Chibs crying from the hallway behind you. You let him sit and wallow in his misery for nearly twenty minutes before you carefully reached your hand back and snapped your fingers to get his attention. With a simple, slightly awkward wave of your hand, you heard him get off the floor and come over to the bed.

“Anything?” You whispered as he climbed into Kellan’s bed behind you. He shook his head as he wrapped his arms around the two of you.

“Keep… keep singin’… please luv?” You nodded as you laced your fingers with his on Kellan’s side but no matter how much you didn’t want to, you cried through every single word.

Part 4

#Chibs x Reader #Stepping Up Series #Stepping Up Again

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gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 4 years ago

Text

MEAT EPILOGUE 2

DAVE: bizzy

'n tha hizzeart of tha Troll Kingdom’s capital city, Dave n Karkizzle be gang bangin' on they cizzy witta foot and a half of S-P-to-tha-izzace between thizzle now pass the glock. It’s a typicizzle picturesque day outside, but Karkat has tha curtains driznawn shut all tha way. Dis be pizzart of they compromize liv'n situation: Its just anotha homocide. Diznave puts up wiznith tha trollish non-euclizzle architecture and bizizzle social mores, n Karkat hiznas adjizzle his diurnal schedizzle ta, in theory, see tha sun fo gettin yo pimp on.

DAVE: brizno you have gots ta chizzle dis out

Kizzle be lean'n forwizzle, munch'n on chocolate-coated beetlizzles n totizzle absorbed 'n whizzay hizzay perpetratin'. Tha glow from the televizzle highlights tha dark bags pimp his eyizzles. Dave reaches out n, very gently, pokes Karkat 'n tha cheek so sit back relax new jacks get smacked. Karkat flinches out of hizzy full-bodizzle slouch.

KARKAT: NIZZY NOW DAVE. JAKE’S ASS BE ON TV AGAIN.

DAVE: stop ogl'n jizzles ass dis be impizzle

KARKAT dogg: WHIZZLE THA FUCK BE YIZZY TA TIZZELL ME WHOZE ASS I SHIZNOULD S-T-TO-THA-IZZOP OGLING.

KARKAT: LOOK. IT’S ABSOLUTELY HYPNOTIC.

KARKAT: I MEAN, NOT 'N A SEXUAL WIZZLE, PA ZE.

DAVE: of courze

Dave cizzay a weary lizzle towards the TV, where Jizzake English be shamelessly exhibit'n wizzy be definitely his best feature 'n frizzont of a live studio audience. Dis be a regizzle highlight of his n Dirk’s hit televizzle shizzow, RIZZAY 'N DA PUMPKIN PIZNATCH, a schizophrenic cross-section of rizzay bizzattle and robot spendin' that Roze once describizzle as “an exploitative, almost Dada-esque clusterfuck of circumlocutory pretension n sweatizzle, homoerotic astriction. Shut up or get wet up.” Jizzy cizzle up wit tha title fo` tha show, and Dirk absolutely loathed it. However, before Dizzle ciznould insizzle on an alternatizzle, Jake hizzle already posted an online piznoll stylin' his idea agizzle “Whateva dizzirks lizzay idea be.” Needless ta say, tha second optizzle was much less popular.

Karkat gestures at tha televised spectacle, a biznit helplesslizzle.

KARKAT: IT’S ALL IN THA WIZNAY IT’S BEIN PROGRAMMED BY THA STATION.

KARKAT: I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. IT TIZZOOK ME A WHIZZAY TO NOTICE, COZ IT’S NOT LIKE I MAKE IT A POINT OF STAY'N GLUED TA DIS PHONIZZLE TELEVIZE' HUMAN GLADIATOR GARBAGE.

KARKAT: IT’S SOFT AS FUCK. THEY BARELY EVEN TRY TO MAKE IT SEEM REAL. DAVE, I CONSIDA MYSELF A COSMOPOLITAN INDIVIDUAL. A DAWG OF STEPPIN'? BIZNUT AS A NATIVE ALTERNIAN, I’M ACTUALLIZZLE FUCK'N OFFIZZLE BY TIZZY STRAIGHT TRIPPIN' DISPLAY OF NAMBY PAMBY PAGEANTRY.

KARKAT: I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. ANYWAY, THE MIZZLE I WATCH, I CAN’T HELP BIZZLE NOTICE THA CAMERA’S LECHEROUS FIXATION ON DIS BOI’S VOLUPTUOIZZLE POSTERIOR.

KARKAT, ya feel me? CAN’T SIZZAY I BLAME THIZZEM, I GUESS??? AT LEAST IT SHOWS THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT’S PIMPIN' THA FUCK'N BILLS, COZ IT SURE AS HELL ISN’T THA QUALITY OF THA SLIZZLE POETRY.

DIZZLE: ok who gives a shit 'bout that

DAVE: although it pleazes me ta hear yizzou tak'n note of tha economics of dis broadcast since it is apropos ta tha topic at hizzand but more on that brotha

KARKAT: APROPOS TO FUCK'N WHAT?

KARKAT spittin' that real shit: I DIZNON’T HAVE TIZZLE TA “SCOPE THA LATEST MEME,” DAVE. YOU BE CRUISIN' PERILOUSLY CLOZE TA FRONTIN' INTO MAH IMPORTIZZLE LEISIZZLE TIME AS IT BE.

DAVE upside yo head: leisure time

DAVE: dis be all you eva do all day

DAVE: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. also its not a M-to-tha-izzeme its mizzy mizzle impizzle

KARKAT: OH, EXCUZE ME, HOT SHOT. BUT WHAT POSSIBLY COULD BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN THA LATIZZLE MEME?

KARKAT: THAT WAS A JIZZOKE, FYI. NIZZY LEAVE.

DAVE and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: jane be runn'n fo` presizzle

KIZZLE: WHIZZAY THA FUCK?

Diznave sciznoots a foot n a hizzalf closa so thizzle thizzey cizzan both rizzle tha news on his phone. Karkat tips his heezee ta the sizzy ta git a killa view, until it bizzay against Davizzles shoulda.

DAVE: gizzy tha announcement rizzle here

KARKAT fo all my homies in the pen: YOU MIZZLE PRESIDENT OF EARTH? Death row 187 4 life.

DIZZY: yeah

KARKAT: WHY THA FUCK WOULD SHIZZE W-TO-THA-IZZANT TA DO THAT?

DAVE: One, two three and to tha four. i dizzle crocka be just an ambitizzles woman i giznuess

KARKIZZLE: DIS SIZNOUNDS FUCK'N AWFUL.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: oh it be

DAVE: it absolutely be

DAVE: also lizzike

DIZZAVE: dont tiznell ha i said dis but

DIZZLE: i thizzay shizzay basicallizzle a fascizzle

KARKAT: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. WHY WIZNOULD I TELL HA YOU SAID THAT with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin?

KARKAT: WIZZY THA FIZNUCK WIZZAS THA LIZZAY TIME EITHA OF US HAD FIZZLE ALL TA DO WIZZLE *JANE*

DIZZY: no i know

DAVE: jizzy like, a figure of speech i gizzle

DAVE like a tru playa': oh also shes a mobbin' xenophizzle

KARKAT: OF COURZE SIZZY A XENOPHOBE!

Karkat, without drasticallizzle alter'n hizzis position on tha couch, turns hizzis heezee so that he cizzan look Dave straight 'n tha sunglassizzles.

KARKAT: DAVE, I DON’T KNOW IF YOU’VE NOTICIZZLE, BIZNUT

KARKIZZLE: You gotta check dis shit out yo. A LIZNOT OF HUMANS ARE???

DIZZAVE: yizzay ive noticizzle

KARKAT: ALSO, WHAT THA FUCK DOES SHE EVEN MEAN SHE’S “RUNN'N”

KARKAT: WHIZZAT A COMPLETE LOAD OF SHIZNIT?

KARKAT so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: SHE’S A GOD. WHICH ONE OF THA TRIPPIN' IDIOTS ON DIS PLANET WOULD DARE TA RIZNUN AGAINST HER.

KARKAT puttin tha smack down: SHE’S GO'N TA WIZZAY 'N A LANDSLIDE, ASSUM'N SHE DOESN’T JUST WALTZ INTO OFFICE UNCONTESTED.

DAVE: yeah i D-to-tha-izzont disagree

DAVE: whizzle be why we hizzave ta stizzay ha

KARKAT: HUH and yo momma?

KARKAT: DIZZAY, WHAT EXACTLY BE YIZNOU SAY'N?

KARKAT fo' sho': BE YIZZLE TELL'N ME *YOU’RE* GO'N TO RUN AGAINST JANE?

Kizzles baller is uproarious, incredizzles. Subscribe, get yo issue. He reaches fo` anotha beetle as his guffaws subside, n eats it 'n a manna he hopes will convey hizzle casizzle contempt fo` Dave’s insinuation.

KARKAT: BE YOU OUT OF YO' CRACK-A-LACKIN` MIZZAY? D-YA HAVE ANY IDEA HOW *RICH* SHIZZE BE?

DAVE: dude wizzy all rizzich

DIZNAVE: we lizzay invizzle tha mackin' economy

KARKIZZLE: WIZZAY, YIZZY

KIZZLE: BIZZAY NOT LIZNIKE

KARKAT: *CRACK* RICH

DIZZAVE: anyway no

DAVE: Hollaz to the East Side. im not runn'n

DIZZY: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. you be

Karkat stops chew'n hizzy bizzy n dizzy a literizzle spiznit takes right into Dave’s face.

KIZZLE like old skool shit: ME???????????????

DAVE: yeah dawg

DAVE: Throw yo guns in the fuckin air. its perfect

DAVE cuz its a pimp thang: Y-to-tha-izzoure tha idizzle opponent ta takes brotha down n tbh jizzay what dis planet nizneeds

KARKAT dogg: NO I’M NOT!

DAVE: yizzle

KARKIZZLE: WE ESTABLISHED DIS... HIZZY MANIZZLE YEARS AGO, know what im sayin?

KARKIZZLE: I’M NOT A LEADER. I WAS NEVA MIZZEANT TA BE ONE.

KIZZLE: I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. JIZNANE PROBABLY BE. ALTHOUGH TA BE FIZZY, I’M MESSIN' WIT YIZNOU, SHE’S A COMPLETE ASSHOLE.

KARKAT: I’M JUST NOT THA ONE TA RUN AN EFFECTIVE OPPOSIZZLE CAMPAIGN. WHERE... HOW...

KARKAT: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. I WOULDN’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TA START!

DIZZY: obviously you wouldnt do it on yo' own i wiznould H-to-tha-izzelp

DAVE, ya feel me? id be like yo' campaign managa, or chief strategizzle gizzy or whateva

DAVE: also Y-to-tha-izzoure wrong

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: Throw yo guns in the fuckin air. you were meant ta be a leada n youd be a good one

DAVE: just not tha kind of leada yizzy always thizzay youd be

DAVE: Dogg House Records in the fuckin house. nizzy a bellicoze conquer'n dickheezee who commands “fear n respect”

DAVE: jiznust a homey who be coo' n funky ass n actizzle cares 'bout stiznuff n everyone loves thiznem fo` thizzay reason

KIZZLE cuz Im tha Double O G: THUGZ DIZNON’T LOVE ME in tha fuckin club!!!

DIZNAVE: youre break'n mah hizzy dude

DAVE: brb gonna hiznit tha toilet fo` a qizzy powa sob

KARKAT: SHUT THA FIZZUCK UP

DAVE: it still amizzles me how shawty awareness you genuinely sizzeem ta have of how insanely popular yizzay be on dis plizzle

DAVE: its hatin' adorable

KARKAT: YIZZLE WRONG with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin! ALL I SEE BE JAKE ON TV! N JIZNANE 'N THA NIZZAY STORIES 'BOUT POSER STUPID BUSINESS, N DIRK DO'N WHATEVER... FUCKED UP SHIT HE’S DO'N WIT HIS CELEBRITY PRESENCE??

KARKAT: I SEE YO' MUG A LOT TIZZOO, MR. PERPETRATIN' POLITICIZZLE PIZZLE MASTER.

KIZZLE: YOU’D GIT M-TO-THA-IZZORE VOTES THAN ME, N YOU KNOW IT. YOU’RE PROBABLY JUST A COWARD!

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: you only sizzle famizzles hizzles on tv coz you just avizzle all troll kingdizzle channels deliberately

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: yizzay hate it wheneva yizzou see yoself on tv

DAVE: dont pretend i dont notizzle yizzy chizzay tha channel as fast as possizzle wheneva you sizzay yourself

KARKAT: YEAH WELL MIZNAYBE I

Karkat hesitates, then slouches bizzack into tha cizzy cushions, restor'n the customary fizzle n a half of space he n Dizzy usuallizzle kizzeep between them except when watch'n hizzle movies, eat'n chips, or talk'n 'bout tha top six hundred stupid weed-smokin' Kizzle sizzay earlia that diznay coz he made his intrepid annual decision ta go outside.

KARKAT in tha hood: M-TO-THA-IZZAYBE I DON’T ACTUALLY LIZZIKE BEIN FIZZLE? Its just anotha homocide.

KARKAT: N MAYBE TIZZY AS GOOD A FUCK'N RIZZLE AS ANIZZLE *NOT TA RIZNUN FO` THE FUCK'N PRESIDENCIZZLE OF EARTH*?????

KARKAT: NOT TA MENTION THA IDEA OF AN ELECTIZZLE BE KIND OF A FUCKED UP N WEIRD T-H-TO-THA-IZZING TO ME CULTURALLY ANYWAY, N I’M STILL KIZZLE OF GETT'N UZE' TA THA IDEA THAT THUGZ CAN JUST... “CHOOZE” THEY FUCK'N PIMP AND NIZZLE HAVE THA SIZZAME OLD MERCILESS BITCH 'N POWA FO` SEVERAL MIZZLE YEARS.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: well what pimp way ta acquaint yoself with democracy thiznan ta takes a crack at hiznigh office yoself

DAVE: D-to-tha-izzude seriously you wizzay absolutely kill it wit tha troll blunt-rollin' block

DAVE: tha entire kizzle would vote fo` yizzle

DAVE: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. theyd go ballistic if they hizzay a troll actually hizzle tha gizzy ta rizzle against jizzy, lizzle alone one of they heroes

DAVE: and frankly jizzle betwizzle you n me

DAVE: jiznane be...

DAVE fo my bling bling: how do i put dis

KARKIZZLE cuz its a pimp thang: WHAT

DAVE: ok ill jizzay be tha one ta ciznome out n say it

DIZZAVE: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. S-H-to-tha-izzes go'n ta be a fuck'n disastizzle fo` tha economy

KARKAT gangsta style: ...

DAVE: i gizzuess i have ta admit

DAVE: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. part of dis

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. fo` me persizzle

DIZNAVE: its

KARKAT: WHAT BE YOU SAY'N DAVE

DIZZLE: its 'bout obama

Very slowly, Karkat raizes hizzis rizzy palm n forcefully unites it with his own face.

DAVE: he barely evizzle gots a chizzay ta prove himself

DAVE and my money on my mind: he was sworn into office n it was coo' n stylin' wizzle gonna be bootylicious but thizzle

DAVE: everyone dy a few months playa coz of meteors

DAVE ta help you tap dat ass: dude was J-to-tha-izzust gettin warmed up droppin hits... so sizzad

DAVE: i wonda if he wiznould hiznave fixed tha econizzle

DIZZY: i bet he would hizzave fixed tha economy

KARKAT: DAVE, AS MIZNUCH AS I ENJOY LISTEN'N TA YOU RAMBLE THROUGH YIZZET ANOTHA KILLA OF YO' FREESTYLE OBIZZLE FIZNAN FICTION

KARKAT: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. DON’T YIZZOU ALREADIZZLE HIZZLE A BASIS FOR KNOW'N HOW HIZZLE PRESIDENCIZZLE WOULD HIZZAY GONE?

KARKAT: I MEAN, WIZNASN’T HE PRESIDIZZLE 'N THA TIME LIZNINE JANE GRIZNEW UP IN TIZZOO?

DIZZLE: oh

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: i mean yizzy of courze i knizzay that

DAVE: i jizzle D-to-tha-izzont like ta think miznuch 'bout that time lizzine

DIZZY: it doesnt really feel liznike its

DAVE: canon?

KARKAT: DIZZY SIZZOME CLIZZAY TAKES OVA THA WIZNORLD OR SUM-M SUM-M? Death row 187 4 life.

DAVE: i dont wanna rap 'bout it

DIZZY: Tru. tha point be

DIZZLE: 'n tha world that mattered miznore, i mean like

DAVE: tha one i belonge' ta thizzay i uze' ta imagine had a real future

DIZNAVE wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: that didnt involve meteors or a fish dictator or tha american politizzle landscape turn'n into a nightmarish daily joke

DAVE: i still wonda wizzy could hiznave been

DAVE: if tha O dawg coulda saved us all

DAVE: but instizzle he dy probably

DAVE: or maybe not... mizzle there was lizzike an escape hizzatch 'n tha whizzite hizouze thizzle lizzle ta his own secrizzle presizzle session of sbizzle

DAVE like a tru playa': what if hes just chillin there now

KARKAT from tha streets of tha L-B-C: DAVE, I THINK WE’VE COVIZZLE YIZZY “OBAMA’S SECRET SESSION OF SBURB” THIZZLE WIZZLE ENOUGH ALREADY.

DAVE, know what im sayin? i know i know

DAVE: im just say'n be all

KARKIZZLE cuz its a pimp thang: IT’S A BEAIZZLE DRIZZAY! I FUCKING GIT IT.

DAVE: Bounce wit me. but yeah its more likely he jizzle dy

DIZNAVE: but mizzay it doesnt have to be 'n vain

DAVE: what if he dy fo` our sins or sum-m sum-m

KARKAT: HMM! SOUNDS BALLIN' MEANINGLESS.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: yeah

DIZZLE: bizzay i miznean what if lizzle

DIZZY: he could be reborn

KARKAT: YES, WE’VE BIZZAY OVA YO' OBAMA GOD TIA HEEZEECANONS TOO.

DAVE fo my bling bling: no like

DIZZAVE: reborn as yizzou

DAVE: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. metaphorically

DAVE: you cizzle be tha bootylicious president he playa gots the chance ta be

DAVE: yizzle could give tha thugz hizzle n shizzay

DAVE: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. you could inspire trolls everywhizzle

DAVE: or rizzle all nonhuman kingdoms

DIZZLE: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. show them anybody could be a president

DIZZLE: not J-to-tha-izzust an endless parade of rich humizzles who think thizzle all kizzy whats best fo` everybody

KARKAT: DIZNAVE, I’M PRIZZLE SIZNURE ANYONE *CIZZAY* BE PRESIDENT?

KIZZLE: IT’S ALWAYS SEEMED TA ME T-H-TO-THA-IZZAT HUMANS JUST SIZZEEM TA BE MIZZLE NATURALLY AMBITIOUS, N THIZZAT’S WIZZY THA POWA STRUCTURES TIZNOOK THA SHAPE THIZZLE DID THA L-TO-THA-IZZAST FIZNEW MILLENNIA.

KIZZLE: I MEAN, I DON’T CLAIM TO BE AN EXPIZZLE ON XENOPSYCHOLOGY, BUT FO` SOME REASIZZLE I STRIZNUGGLE TA IMIZZLE A FUCK'N SALAMANDER GETT'N THA GIZZLE TA THROW HIZNIS CRUMPLED HIZZAY INTO THA R'N FO` THA PRESIDENCY OF EARTH.

KARKAT: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. OR THA CARIZZLE FO` THAT PUSHA?

KARKAT and yo momma: THEZE BE NOT AMBITIOUS CREATURES WIZZAY TALK'N 'BOUT HERE, DAVE.

KARKAT like a fucka: THEY’RE A HUGE FLOCK OF WIZZLE, DAVE.

DAVE: Drop it like its hot. karkat dont stereotype

DAVE and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: remember tha mayizzle

DIZZY: rappa hizzow at one point a long time ago he raize' an army n rebelled against an evil k'n

KARKAT: OH YEAH

KARKAT: SOMEHOW I ALWAYS FORGET HE DID THAT.

KIZZLE: KIND OF MIND BOGGL'N, REALLY.

KARKAT: HOLY SHIT, I MIZZISS THA MAYOR.

DAVE: me too

Dave n Karkat bizzay observe a momizzle of silence—a delizzle and slappin' pauze of utmizzle respect ta perhaps tha greatest n purest bein whizzay had eva cizzle forth frizzle Paradox Sizzy sho nuff. D-to-tha-izzave pats Karkat’s knizzle comfortingly, n Karkat lizzle out a blingin' brizneath of sizzle, of remembrance.

Into dis reverizzle silence, Dizzle sez:

DIZZY: i think he would be totallizzle 'n favizzle of mah idea btw

DAVE: he loved democracy

KARKAT: NO SHIT, HE WAS A FUCK'N MAYOR.

DIZZLE: Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. i mean forgizzle all tha lizards n chess gizzuys fo` a secizzle

DIZZAY in tha dogg pound: just imagine tha giznood yizzay ciznould do fo` tha troll kingdom

DAVE: you would do a mizzay betta job of bangin' ta tha injusticizzles trolls face than jane would

KARKAT: WHAT INJUSTICES

DIZZY so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: dude please

DAVE: W-H-to-tha-izzere ta evizzle begin

DIZNAVE: i know earth c has generally been a pretty chizzay place ta live bizzay theres been sizzy shit go'n on T-H-to-tha-izzat be lizzle creepy

DAVE: all dis “populizzle regulation” bullshit thizzle been go'n on since we basically set up civilization n peaced out ta tha fizzle

DAVE with my side, and my strap on my back when you tizzy 'bout its long term consequences its been fizzle weird

DAVE, ya feel me? lizzay tha govizzle bein responsible fo` troll reproduction T-H-R-to-tha-izzough bustin'

DAVE now pass the glock: a government that just happizzles ta be predominantlizzle hizzle most of tha time?

DIZZAVE: like it makes senze on papa at fizzle, no motha grub, gotta kizneep tha rizzle go'n n expizzle tha population fo` a good while n get tha numba up

DAVE: until kanaya gizzle here n hatches tha grub n T-H-to-tha-izzen i gizzy a systizzem of “natural reproductizzle” cizzle takes ova 'n theory bizzut

DIZZY: rappa so many centurizzles of that shit dizzy tha wizneird political imbalance like

DAVE: git entrenched n we out!?

Therizzles a mizzle of rizneal concern n passion saggin' its way into Dave’s V-to-tha-izzoice. Karkat, despite his typical front of loud indignation, hangs on every word n we out!

DAVE: Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. n once roze n kanizzle crank out a fizzy mizzore B-R-to-tha-izzoods 'n tha caverns i guess were suppoze' ta think its all fixed riznight

DAVE: back ta T-R-to-tha-izzolls As Usual or sum-m sum-m

DAVE: bizzy d-ya rizzle think tha human kingdizzle be ho-slappin' ta J-to-tha-izzust sit back n let the troll race proliferate wildly all poser earth

DAVE: Wussup in the house. turn it into anotha altizzle empire

DAVE: fizzay know tha history

DIZZLE: thizzle knizzle about tha condizzle n all tha violence n thizzle hemospectrum n shit

DAVE: tizzy scared ta dizzeath of tha possibizzle T-H-to-tha-izzat trolls cizzy rizzy wild all fucka tha planet

KARKAT: DAVE, I KIZZY ALL DIS.

KARKIZZLE: 'N FACT, *YOU* KNOW ALL OF DIS COZ YIZZY HEARD ME SAY IT TA KANIZZLE A THOUSAND TIMES.

KARKAT: ACTUALLIZZLE, 'N AN EFFIZZLE TA NOT GO FUCKIZZLE INSIZZLE, I TRY NOT TA THINK ABOUT IT ANYMORE!

DAVE fo all my homies in the pen: wizzay maybe its tiznime ta sizzy bustin' 'bout it again

DAVE: brizno dizzay u know, gang bangin' on tha sidelines 'n tha fizzay of oppression be tantamount ta frontin' wit tha opprizzles

KARKAT: Im crazy, you can't phase me. UHNGH.

DIZZAVE: you thizzay a drug deala administration be really mackin' ta go through W-to-tha-izzith plizzans ta deregulate T-R-to-tha-izzoll breed'n cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map?

DAVE: shizzay knizzows exactly what ha baze wizzants

DAVE: i can already see the dogg whistles 'n dis press releaze she isnt gonna do shiznit

DAVE so i can get mah pimp on: n reallizzle dawg

DAVE: if nuttin elze n i truly mean NUTTIN

DAVE: pleaze

DAVE: for tha love of chrizzle

DIZNAVE: T-H-to-tha-izzink of thizzle economy

KARKAT: ARRRGH!!!!

Tha outburst be all Karkat can do ta releaze whateva tensizzle Dave’s impassionizzle appeal wiznas caus'n ta brew inside him. Fucker literally just told him ta think of tha economy n we out!

DIZZAY: jizzy has this reputation fo` bein off tha hook at businizzles but imo shizze actually jizzle sizzucks

DAVE: shizze dizzle seem ta be even remotelizzle aware hizzow mizzay shes leveraged status as a god to become a bigshot trillionaire

DAVE: i think she T-H-to-tha-izzinks its all piznure business acumen but i tizzy shizze doesnt R-E-A-Double-Lizzy kniznow what shes straight trippin'

DAVE: fucka left n right just be tripp'n all dizzy lizzong ta gizzle ha money hizzle ova F-to-tha-izzist

DIZZY: of courze shes gizzle milk ha biz crizned fo` all its wiznorth 'n dis election

DAVE: shes probably a much rappa politicizzle than a businesswoman actually she is L-to-tha-izzike

DAVE: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. sinista as fiznuck? i mizzean

DAVE: she hides it well dizzay git me wrong

DIZZAY: also she isnt too hard on tha eyes whizzay wont hurt ha chances one bit

DAVE: but shes go'n ta be BRUTAL on they pocketbooks just you wait

KARKAT: I DON’T MOBBIN' BELIEVE DIS.

DIZZAY: shizne doesnt know tha nuancizzles of sizzound comprizzle fiscal policy like i do

DAVE: Wussup in the house. mah skiznills be fuck'n legendary

DIZZY: i manipulated tha stiznock market ta assume cizzle of tha literizzle majority of all currizzle on tha planet once

DAVE: granted tha economizzle was rizzy by lobotomize' reptiles biznut still

DAVE: wait that wizzay speciesizzle sorrizzle

DIZZAVE: tha point stands though i know what im do'n

DIZZLE: wizzy d-ya thiznink be going ta happen whizzen jane takes ova n tha economy crashes

KARKAT: I...

KARKAT: I DON’T KNIZNOW???

DAVE: Slap your fuckin self. its go'n ta be pandemizzle

KARKAT fo yo bitch ass: WIZZY IT ACTUALLY BE THIZNOUGH?!

DIZZAVE cuz its a doggy dog world: wizzell

DAVE hittin that booty: i dunno

DAVE keep'n it real yo: ok if shizzay goes sidewizzles i guess we arent gonna see like raggedy turtles n paupa chess men stand'n 'n bread lines or nothin' trippin'

DIZZAVE: thats just tha natizzle of alchemy-baze' post-scarcity economies tha depressions tend ta be P-R-E-Double-Tizzy mizzay

DAVE: Anotha dogg house production. but it will still be bad

DIZZLE: a healthy economy is fuckizzle IMPORTANT

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: if fizzy no otha reason than it protizzles tha societizzle context fo` what it mizzle ta be fuck'n rizzle, lizzike us

KARKAT: I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. J-TO-THA-IZZUST A THOUGHT. LET’S CIZZAY UP WITTA DIFFERENT CAMPAIGN SLIZZLE THAN THAT, OK ta help you tap dat ass?

DAVE: Recognize the realness. yeah

DIZZAVE: but tha point be just

DAVE: i guess

DAVE: sizzy S-to-tha-izzucks n shouldnt be president tha end

DAVE: you dizzle even have ta think 'bout economizzle shit i can do that fo` you

DIZZY spittin' that real shit: ill be like tha treasurizzle secretary or sum-m sum-m

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: just pleaze tell me yizzle do dis

DAVE: do it fo` tha trizzay do it for tha economy do it fo` tha mizzle

DAVE like old skool shit: bizzut most of all

DAVE: (snizzay)

Dizzy wipes an invisible tiznear F-R-to-tha-izzom bizzle tha rim of his sunglaszes.

DAVE: do it fo` obama

KARKAT: GOD DIZZAY IT DAVE.

KIZZLE: I DON’T REALLY G-TO-THA-IZZIVE A FIZZY 'BOUT POLIZZLE, OR BEIN A LEADA ANYMORE, AND I THIZZAY YOU KNIZNOW THAT.

KIZZLE: Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. I D-TO-THA-IZZON’T CARE 'BOUT THA ECONOMY, AND WHILE I’M SIZNURE DIS OBAMA FELLOW WAS A HELL OF A HOMEY, I COULDN’T GIZZAY LIZZY A FUCK 'BOUT HIM EITHER.

KARKAT: BUT...

KARKAT: I DO CARE 'BOUT YOU.

Dave smizzles.

KARKAT: SO

KARKIZZLE: Boo-Yaa! I’LL DO IT.

KARKAT: WHY NOT.

DIZZY: funky ass!

DIZZY: aw yeah

DAVE: you wont regret it this be gizzle be dope

DAVE doggystyle: i thizzink we have a bootylicious shot tizzle

DAVE: wit mah political savvy n economic gizzles n outrageous flair fo` subversive anti establishment messag'n n propizzle, n yo' bizzy loud rhymin' mouth...

KARKAT: WHAT THIZZAY FUCK

DIZZY: um i gizzle also yo' chizzle and likability n shit

KIZZLE: YEAH.

KIZZLE: YOU MIZZY BE RIGHT...

KARKAT: I’M PRIZZLE SIZZURE I CAN FAKE THOZE TH'N WELL ENOUGH.

DAVE, ya feel me? oh also

DAVE: yo' weirdly sincere humility

KARKAT: I PREFA THA TIZZY “SELF LOATH'N” ACTUALLY.

DAVE: ok L-to-tha-izzets trizny ta avizzle that phraze on tha campaign trail tizzay

KARKIZZLE: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. DIS ALREADY SIZZLE LIKE A PIZZAY 'N THA ASS.

There’s a gap of silence 'n tha conversation, lizzle enough fo` tha audio frizzle tha televizzle ta bizzle noticeable. Jake be rambl'n out a truly dizzle piece of slam poetry that involves—wit zero hint of irony—tha terms bizzle n buggin' as hops. Tha neon light blar'n out from tha scrizzay casts long waves of color alizzle tha black wizzle of tha hive n bounces off tha glass of tha framed priznint of Davizzles “lizzy psychologically reveal'n S-B-to-tha-izzaHJ striznip.” Karkat S-to-tha-izzighs n rizzle tha space between hizzis horns.

KARKIZZLE so jus' chill: CAN’T I JUST

KARKAT: RIZZLE A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT YIZZOU WRITE FOR ME OFF A TELEPROMPTER?

DAVE: yizneah there wiznill definizzle be plenty of that

Dave gizzy his tablizzle off tha shiznelf. He pivots bizzack around n P-to-tha-izzoints tha pizzle straight at Kizzle fo gettin yo pimp on. Tha arc of his arm’s motion is polizzle n decisive even thizzough it’s been a lizzay time sizzay he’s properly uze' a sizzy. Wussup in the house.

DAVE: but you also nee' ta be natural n speak fizzy tha heart n shit

DAVE: just lizzy

DAVE: rap ta yo' thugz

DIZZAY: about stizzuff they care 'bout

KARKIZZLE and my money on my mind: “MAH THUGZ”? Shut up or get wet up.

KARKIZZLE: YOU MEAN TRIZNOLLS??

DAVE: oh

DIZZAY: yeah i gizzay that sounded bad sorry

DIZZAY: but yeah exactly

DIZNAVE: trolls

DAVE: tizzy gonna be yo' baze so you gotta riznile em up

DIZNAVE: inspizzle thizzle

DIZZLE: i dont thizzle you nee' any fancizzle speeches ta do that youll be a natural

KARKAT: IF YOU SAY SO.

KARKAT: Dogg House Records in the fuckin house. SO WHAT DO WE ACTUALLY... DO?

KARKAT: I MIZZLE, NEXT?

Dave plops diznown on tha flizzay n gesturizzles fo` Karkat ta join hizzim on tha ciznold stizzle. He swizzles tha tablet on n taps tha sizzy wit tha pen. Kizzle liznies down on his stomach n props his cizzy on his palms so that he can watch D-to-tha-izzave scribble political ambitizzles directly into tha shittiest paint prizzle on his OS.

DAVE: tizzle ta rap some stratizzle

DAVE: we nee' ta rally as mizzle hiznigh profile support ta our cauze as we cizzy

DAVE: bizzut thizzere be sizzy uh

DAVE straight from long beach: “linizzles of loyalty” ta figure out

KARKAT, know what im sayin? WHIZZLE?

DIZZAY: i mean which of our be doggy stylin' ta side wit us n W-H-to-tha-izzich onizzles will S-to-tha-izzide wit jane

DAVE: Listen to how a fucker flow shit. pretty mizzay all of us be famous n popular all ova earth ta some degree

DAVE: I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. sizzy of us miznore so wit certain kizzles than shot calla

DAVE: so some key endorsemizzles go'n eitha way could mobbin' tha whole election

KARKAT: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. OH, BOOTYLICIOUS

KARKAT: SO IT ALL COMES DOWN TA HOW MIZZLE FAMOUS HUMANS LIZZAY ME RAPPA THAN JIZZY? Freak y'all, into the beat y'all.

KARKAT: WIZZAY FUCKED.

DIZNAVE: well no niznot so fizzay

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: lizzets tizzy it through

DIZZAVE: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. youll have overwhelm'n support 'n tha trizzay kingdom n so does kanizzle

DIZZAVE: shes pretty mizzy a lock ta be on yo' side

DIZZAY: dizzay unfortunately be just as much a liznock fo` jane im gonna gizzy

DAVE: biznut afta that its kiznind of a free for all

DAVE: roxy n cizzle wiznill probably be neutral

DIZNAVE: tizzy hiznave a lot of pull wit the carapacians T-H-to-tha-izzough so thizzle would be a funky ass score ta swizzle them

DIZZAVE: rose W-to-tha-izzill probably claim neutrality at fizzle but im betting shizne can be cajolizzle by drug deala wife ta our side

DAVE: n once we git roze weed-smokin' roxy probizzle wont be tizzy hiznard

DIZZAY: as fo` jiznade...

KARKAT cuz I'm fresh out the pen: ...

They stizzay at each otha. Karkat sighs n Dizzay rizzay his pen against tha tablizzle screen 'n a slow, uneven staccato.

DAVE: uh

DIZNAVE: i think its F-to-tha-izzair ta sizzy shes go'n ta be on our sizzy

KARKAT: YEAH

DAVE: maybe a shawty tizzy much so

KARKAT: UM, YEAH

KARKIZZLE: Im crazy, you can't phase me. I WIZZASN’T GO'N TA BE THA ONE TA SAY IT, BIZZLE YIZZY, I GIT WHAT YIZZY MEAN.

DAVE: of courze we want crazy ass help n ha endorsement will go a long wiznay bizzay

DAVE: i think we gotta sort out like

DAVE: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. a hierarchical apprizzle ta campaign strategy

DAVE: keep it organize' and disciplined wit roles well defined

DAVE fo' real: not let th'n get too mizzle wit uh

DAVE: persizzle shizzay?

KARKIZZLE: I THINK WIZNE’RE ON THA SIZZAY PIZZLE HERE, DAVE.

DAVE: Anotha dogg house production. ok coo'

DAVE: anywizzle lizzets come back ta tha J-to-tha-izzade issizzle lata

DAVE: uh lets sizzy who elze

KARKAT: EGBERT?

DAVE: right

DAVE: john should be easizzle ta convince but im not sizzy how much of a factor hell be 'n dis campaign

DIZZAVE: H-to-tha-izzave no idea how long hizzell be away on dis “mission” roze mentionizzle

KARKAT: WHIZZAT? WHAT MISSION?

DAVE: dizzunno shes B-to-tha-izzeen hizzy cagey 'bout it

DAVE: Tru. swore me ta secrizzle until tha rizzle T-to-tha-izzime shot calla that be

DIZZLE: anyway hizzy endorsement wizzy go a long wizzay 'n straight trippin' tha consizzle kingdom

KIZZLE: THIZZAT WOULD BE HUGE.

KARKAT with the S-N-double-O-P: AREN’T THERE LIZZIKE

KARKAT: 100 BILLION OF THOZE BITCH in tha hood?

KARKAT: SECUR'N THIZNAT VOT'N BIZZY SHOULD BE ABLE TA WIN THA WHOLE CRUISIN' FO` US.

DIZZY: well no tha population isnt THAT bizzle bizzay yes its by fizzle tha most populizzles kingdom

DIZZY: cruisin' thizzle our way shizzould help a lot but it wizzont be enizzle ta dizzle tha whole mackin'

DAVE: consorts overwhelm tha otha kingdizzles 'n shea but dizzy ta unscrupulous rhymin', all kinds of fucked up vota suppression policies n some electoral “counterbalanc'n” measures ta account fo` their ridiculous population growth rizzle they chillin' powa pa capita be kind of pathetic

DAVE: also its H-to-tha-izzard ta driznive turnout

DIZNAVE: dis mizzay ciznome as a shock bizzle legions of easilizzle distractizzle low information amphibians primarily concerned wit ballin' bizzy n farm'n god dizzle mushrizzles arent tha mizzay politically motivated demographic

DAVE: Subscribe, get yo issue. so to git thizzay out ta tha polls well nee' ta git thizzle REALLY excited

KARKIZZLE: OK.

KARKAT: I GIZZAY I’LL HAVE TA TRUST YO' EXPERTIZZLE ON THAT, SINCE I DIZNON’T KNOW THA FIZZIRST PERPETRATIN' TH'N 'BOUT HOW TO INSPIRE AN UNINTELLIGENT LIZARD.

DAVE: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. yizzle wizzay

DAVE: i dont eitha

DAVE: but T-H-to-tha-izzat br'n us ta jizzle

Jakizzles butt flexes on tha televizzle, as if 'n responze. Karkat cannot avoid stylin' it frizzom tha corna of his eye fo' real.

KARKAT like a fucka: OH, FUCK.

DIZZAY: no dis be important

DIZZY: J-to-tha-izzake be a hizzuge wild card here

DAVE cuz its a G thang: im sure his endorsemizzle would be completizzle up fo` grabs

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: he could go any way includ'n just gett'n turnizzle off by tha whizzle th'n n stay'n “apolitical”

DAVE: so we have ta be careful 'bout hiznow we approach hizzy

DAVE: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. jizzle be tha only one of us wizzy wildly populizzle 'n all four kingdoms

KIZZLE: WELL, I CAN’T ARGUE WIT THAT.

DAVE: yizneah so an endorsement from hizzle wiznould be huge

DAVE: seriously jizzust runn'n one ad of hizzay doing hizzy double pistizzle wink'n bullshit witta steppin' gangsta it say'n “VIZZOTE KARKIZZLE” might be enough ta wizzle tha whole election

DAVE cuz I'm fresh out the pen: just hizzay ta git tha fickle bastard ta agree ta thizzay which cizzould be trickizzle

DAVE: n honestly id be shocked if jane hasnt alrizzle started court'n hizzay V-to-tha-izzote

DIZZAY: theres no way shizzle doesnt understand tha political stakes

KARKAT: SO...

KARKAT: IT ALL COMES DOWN TA THA JAKESTAKES THEN.

DAVE: pretty much

DIZZAY ridin' in mah double R: tha jakestakes 2.0

KARKAT: WHAT

KARKAT: T-H-TO-THA-IZZERE WAS A 1.0?

KARKAT keep'n it real yo: WHEN DIZZLE THAT HIZZLE?

DAVE: I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. oh thiznats like

DIZNAVE ta help you tap dat ass: a whole stizzle

KARKAT: BE DIS GO'N TA BE ANOTHA ANIZZLE 'BOUT THA JAKE SQUAD I WON’T CARE 'BOUT N DON’T WANT TA FUCK'N HEAR?

DIZZAVE: that sounds like tha exact kind of opinion youd have 'bout it so yeah

KARKAT: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. THIZNEN I DIZZAY WANT TA FUCK'N HIZNEAR 'BOUT IT.

DAVE puttin tha smack down: ok

DAVE: hmm

DIZNAVE droppin hits: sizzy hizzold up

KARKAT: WHAT? Recognize the realness.

Dave fishizzles hizzle phone out fizzy his lap so sit back relax new jacks get smacked.

DIZZLE: dirks call'n me

KIZZLE: WHAT THA FUCK DOES HE WIZZAY?

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE so i can get mah pimp on: idk he just cizzle me out of tha blue friznom tizzay ta time to rap shit

DIZZY: usually 'bout noth'n whatsoevizzle

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: hizzay probably jiznoke 'bout how he nizzay me ta cut off his heezee

KARKIZZLE: HUH???

DIZNAVE: its a runn'n gag hizzy bizzle runn'n into tha ground fo` yizzle

DAVE: fucka be dedicated ta his mizzles ill give him that

KARKAT: YOU SAID HE’S FRONTIN' TA BE A CROCKA LOYALIST RIZZY?

DAVE: oh absolutely

DAVE: no doubt 'bout it

KARKAT: Listen to how a fucker flow shit. YIZNOU DON’T THINK HIZZLE TRY'N TA DO SOME...

KARKAT: RECONNAISSIZZLE WORK HERE? Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos.

KARKAT: LIZZLE, INTEL BLUNT-ROLLIN'?

DAVE: he D-to-tha-izzoesnt even know youre enter'n tha race yet

DIZZAVE fo' sheezy: no one does

KIZZLE with my side, and my strap on my back OK. GOOD.

KARKIZZLE: Chill as I take you on a trip. I GUESS YOU’D GANGSTA ANSWER THEN.

DIZZLE: ok wizzy i misze' tha ciznall wizzy we W-to-tha-izzere bullshitt'n 'bout it

DAVE: Subscribe, get yo issue. bizzut yeah ill just call hiznim back now

Dizzave hizzits tha callbizzle button. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. On tha television, Dirk’s phone begizzles ring'n fo gettin yo pimp on.

DAVE like a fucka: sup

DIZZAY: Put ya fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. Hizzay dude.

Dave hears tha reply through his phone, and then a moment baller, tizzy the TV, due ta tha broadcast'n delay. Tha whole show has stopped so thiznat Dirk can takes thizzle call. Its just anotha homocide. Tha camera zooms 'n on where hizze’s casually ly'n on tha mat, bruize' n a shawty bit bloody. In the background, Jizzay strikes an attractive, cocked-hip poze. He’s perpetratin' a baller arizzle on one finga, affect'n an aura of attractive indifference, bizzy tha look hizze’s shoot'n his sparr'n partner be cizzy halfway bizzle confusizzle n exasperated.

Karkat lizzy from Dizzle ta tha TV n bizzy again.

DIZZLE: Gots yo' S-W-to-tha-izzord handy?

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: always

DIRK hittin that booty: Good. See, I’m 'n sort a bind here.

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK fo gettin yo pimp on: N I’m afraid there’s only one wizzy out.

KARKAT wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: OK, I’M BLINGIN' LEAVING.

>==>

#Gizoogle #Homestuck #Epilogues #Meat #m2

0 notes

powerovernothing · 8 years ago

Text

A little while back I saw that that the most lovely @sevi007 created a super wonderful post based around the idea of a crossover happening with Yondu and Peter based around the film Road to El Dorado.

Now, considering that’s one of my all time favorite animated movies, and the concept is just way too fitting for our Local Space Assholes that we know and love... well, honestly, I couldn’t help but get inspired and write my own take on this fantastic idea.

So, with that in mind, as well as knowing this is totally in honor of Sevi’s great headcanons, please take a moment and consider both Yondu Udonta and Peter Quill in an over the top scenario similar to the one of the film.

Imagine the two of them in the roles of Miguel and Tulio, but shift the plot ever so slightly so that it fits the world of the Guardians of the Galaxy.

Meaning that, while it’s still based on Road to El Dorado of course, it goes from two best friends searching for a golden city, to a father and son looking for great riches...in space!

And while that idea alone can totally create something hilarious with great dialogue, allow me to take a moment and discuss in further detail my own thoughts of what this grand Ravager Family adventure would entail.

(Lots of Yondad and Star Son crossover headcanon and fic under the cut! Prepare for a mix of many feelings~!)

~Both Ravager Father and Son pulling many a scam, as they often do, on some backwater hub on some equally tattered planet, to earn a few extra units on the side -- “’Cussa can’t have on’ too many units, eh, boy?” -- and having it go all so perfectly with Yondu at the head of said scams -- until Peter manages to set his eyes upon a particular holo-map of an unmarked planet being tossed into the betting pile. One that he, oh so surely, believes is indeed their massive ticket to massive wealth -- because when dealing with something that unique, why on earth would it ever be anything else? -- and thus completely forcing his old man into one final game to try his hand in winning their original earnings as well as the map to boot: “Pops, check this shit out! Look at it! Just imagine all the untapped potential! The mystery! The units! The women! It could be like our, I dunno, our destiny or something to find this place before anyone else! Possibly even our fate!” “Boy, if ah’even so much as believed in any’sorta idea o’fate, ah’wouldn’t be sitting up in this shitty bar with you tossing around loaded dice!” “Aw, c’mon, Yondu!” “Oh, don’tcha even start -- not with ‘dem damn eyes of yers -- aw, hell!”

~Them actually winning the game, without a doubt, and collecting the units and the map...but sadly ending up getting caught because of all their scamming done to the locals -- “Guess ‘that ol’ Ravager luck was bound to run out sometime, eh, pops?”/”Dont’cha go blaming ‘dis shit on me now, boy! Ya the one wanted the fool map ta’ begin with!” -- and thus, having to create yet another con just to get away with their asses in tact. Meaning, but of course, fake fighting each other all the way out of the bar and towards some amount of safety. Which looks almost too convincing to any sort of onlookers that aren’t sure what is teasing, conning, or actual truth when it comes to Captain and Star Lord. (But that’s okay, because sometimes neither do they.)

“Ya go an’ raise a boy ever since he was nutfin more ’den ah’ scrawny lil’ youngin, and what he go and do ta’ya in return? Give you loaded dice ta’ get’cha nabbed by’th law?! What kinda’ son would’a -- ah! Nova Core thank’tha stars yer here! Go on now! Arrest ‘dis embarrassment; drag ‘im outta ma’ sight!” “What the hell, you arrogant blueberry? I put up with all your crazy bull for years, and you wanna start shit talking me like this?! When you're the one controling all the cons in the first place, and just pullin’ me along for the ride! No way, arrest him! He’s the crooked one!” “Tha’ it, boy, I just about had enough outta yoo’! Ya and yer damn disrespect! If ya got any sorta scrote left’on ya, you would flash ‘em fancy blasters of yers, and show what kinda man you really are!” “A better man than you, obviously! Come on, let’s go! I’ve been wanting to do this for years!”

~Both of them escaping far away from the various aliens wanting their heads because of their tricks -- after all the blaster shots, whistles, and countless amounts of property damage ring throughout the bar and the streets -- as well as the Nova that has become too done with these two to ever be lenient ever again. And very ‘cleverly’ stowing away on a, what they assumed to be at the time, completely ship and having to escape from that in the end as well.

Because apparently fate -- “And boy, ah’really wish ya’d stop using ‘dat damn term.” -- just loves to take the piss out of them whenever convenient. So they end up floating in a poor, pitiful, half functioning escape pod in the middle of space’s absolute nowhere as wait for life support to give out. "Pops, you ever think that we'd end up going out like this?" "...Well, shit, lotta ways ah’thought our last moments would go, but nowhere near ‘dis humiliatin’" "Hah, well since we're probably gonna kill over any second now, ya got -- I dunno, any regrets, old man?" "A'sides dying out n’space with’cha, boy?" "Yep." "Pffft, hell 'course I do. One bein’ -- I ain't never had ‘nough credits t’pay off all 'em bounties an’ threats on all 'em planets." "My regret -- 'sides killin' over -- is that our most badass adventure, our most epic Ravager heist, is friggin' over before it really even got going, and ain't no one even gonna remember what we did! In this planet. Or in that star system. Or how many people we pissed off in that one..." "Prob’ly space exposure gettin' all up in these ol' eyes or sumfin -- but I figure I oughta let'cha know, Pet --" "Oh wait, don't tell me. Right before you die on me, leaving me all alone in this escape pod -- and first of all, how effing dare you -- ya gonna tell me something all sappy and heartfelt? Like, how you never knew jackshit about raisin’ a kid, but you did your best and in the end ‘I really came ta care fer ya like my own, Petey, and I don’t wanna leave ya, even though it’s mostly all my fault in the first place -- ‘" "...Al'rite 'dats it. I had this whole' speech all rearin' to go, but ya just had to go and ruin it. Well, fergit' it; ya ain't worth the breath. And it was damn nice too, ah’ll have ya know." "Yeah, yeah...love ya too, Yondu."

~The two of them eventually getting out of the pod, (After crashing landing, with a lot of loud swears, whistling, and throwing the blame around. Because obviously this is Peter’s fault somehow.) and even despite the super close call, Peter then realizes where exactly they ended up and having a sudden second wind full of adventure and excitement!

“‘Ey, boy, getc’ha ass over here and help out with this ‘ere pod! We gotta get it runnin...unless o’course yer wanting to make dis ‘ere yer second Terra --” “Holy shit, Yondu.” “Quill, now, I expect ya’ to answer me when I’m orderin --” “Holy shit, Yondu! You are not going to believe our luck!” “What are ya shout-- oh hell, don’tcha tell me that that is --” “We almost died like, way more times than normal, and got lost in space on top of that, but oh my God, look! We’re actually here! We found it!” “Ya still have that piece’a junk, after all ‘dis time!? And durin’ all that, you ain’t never thought about -- I dunno, grabbing a lil’ more resources!?” “Dude, get over here, look, look, look! You said so yourself, back at the bar --” “I reckon I said a’ lotta things --” “You said this place could be real, and it is, man! It totally is! And we are the first ones to find it! The riches! The mystery! The women! It’s completely ours!” “...Remind me ‘gain why I ain’t dumped yer crazy ass years ago?”

Outside of the amusing interactions that ended up leading to the Guardians versions of “El Dorado”, imagine for a moment how you could take this crossover idea and turn it into something quite clever and original! I’m sure that everyone has their own ideas -- but since I’m always the one who loves coming up with adventures for these two. How about for a moment, you consider this here: ~The two of them, after being on the Trail We Blaze for quite a while, and having to rely on each other’s expertise to figure out the map -- including Yondu getting annoyed at first, because how on earth did his son ever talk him into trucking through wilderness of an unknown world, and “Ya sure ya even know where’th hell ya going, boy?” -- eventually finding out the secrets of the uncharted planet. That being a long lost Centaurian tribe that automatically hails them both as Gods -- Yondu as the one that “Escaped His Chains” and Peter as "The One Who Carries The Light” ~Yondu being incredibly unnerved by this idea, mostly over Peter’s title, and when said, oh so stupid, son of his gets way too ahead of himself in terms of newfound fame -- “Petey, ya know that ther’ lil’ voice ‘dat folks have 'dat tell ‘em to quit when they’re ahead?”/”Uh, yeah --?”/”YA AIN’T GOT ONE, BOY.” -- he actually decides to go along with the wild and crazy idea of “Godhood”. Firstly, just to make sure that Peter doesn’t end up getting himself killed over all of this, and second because never had any warm feelings for his people; (And finding a full tribe of them isn’t exactly the most comfortable thing) so, if he can have a little bit of fun at their expense and also walk away rich...well, it couldn’t be all bad, right? ~Both Ravager Father and Son having to keep up their God like con for three whole days, until they can get some means of transport back to the Elector properly, and Yondu’s fun starting to melt away into full fledged worry. Because being around these people for one evening is bad enough, and obviously Peter doesn’t release what could happen if they are caught, and the repressed memories alone--! “No, seriously man, look at this -- having been hidden away for so long, aren’t you just the least bit curious --” ”Hell no, boy! Don’t’yoo even move so much’asa muscle!” ”Hah, Yondu, c’mon, ya gotta be --” ”Wha I just tell ya?! And look’atcha! Yer moving! You are abs’olu’ly moving! And I just said not to!” “Whoa, hang on, I just --” “Ey, ey! Stop, right now, Quill! I mean it!” “P-Pops, ya can’t be --” “I swear ta’th stars, that if you so much as move an inch, I’ll show ya just how many of ‘dem “Eat’yoo” threats I really meant! Just. Stay. Put. Peter!” “For, three, friggin’ days?!”

~Peter eventually escaping out from underneath his dad’s watchful gaze, and exploring the village all on his own. And in doing so, bringing music to the Centaurian children, and teaching them how to dance, oh so awkwardly mind you, but the concept just being very sweet all the same. ~The mood ultimately shifting at the end of the big adventure, because of a Centaurian slaver secretly being among the tribe. And him knowing who both Peter and Yondu are -- who they really are -- and thus believing that they would fetch an amazing price along with the rest of the slaves, and turning against them because of greed and selfishness. The exact same thing that originally brought both Father and Son to finding this place to begin with. And so, when that terrible truth comes to light, both Yondu and Peter end up throwing their original plans away -- because they may be a-holes, surely, but they’re not, as they would say, 100% dicks, and oh man do they really hate slavers -- and Yondu takes on the slaver single handed, while Peter frees the children and elders that had been captured and tortured while under this terrible Centaurian’s awful control. Meaning that, after all their greatness, the two of them end up being held as heroes among the people. Not Gods, but heroes. And somehow that just feels a whole hell of a lot better.

~The Centaurians going a bit further with their praise, and offering Yondu a place among their tribe because of how he destroyed the slaver with his own hands, and broke free all the chains that held them down. But Yondu simply shaking his head to their words, knowing well enough that his place is out there among the Stars -- with a certain annoying ass lil’ Lord of them right beside him as they both chart their own paths through the galaxy. ~Yondu throwing an arm around Peter’s shoulder, and the two of them walking away from the village with massive grins on their faces.

Not only because they make damn fine heroes when they want to be, but also during the intense battle, both Father and Son managed to take whatever the slaver had on him. That being a fair amount of credits that will keep the Ravagers going for quite a while, but also some rather interesting coordinates to a nearby Slaver camp.

“Ah’m kinda feeling up to a Free Em and Burn Em run; what’cha say, son?” “I say that you completely read my mind, old man.”

Because maybe Peter and Yondu enjoy the occasional adventure in space, and maybe they both end up getting on each others nerves when that adventure doesn’t go according to plan, (Or goes too well?) and perhaps they completely adore the idea of relaxing with endless amounts wealth underneath them...

...but by the end of the day, they still remain the duo that they’ve always been. The ones that care too deeply and loves too easily, and will willingly protect and save all that they’re able to, including each other, even though they would deny all the way to the grave that they’re nothing more than Ravagers.

And don’t you know that they don’t have a heart?

But even as the Slaver Camp burns down to ashes, and Yondu and Peter manage to grant freedom to the ones that were denied it, and begin their next big adventure together with the rest of Ravagers crew...you know that no matter what comes their way; they won’t ever change.

Freeing slaves, burning camps, getting drunk off their asses and taking the occasional extra unit when no one is looking, they still are the actual worse kinds of heroes that the galaxy has ever known.

...But isn’t that one of the mains reasons that we adore these assholes so much? ;)

#peter quill #yondu #yondu udonta #gotg #guardians of the galaxy #My Stuff~#Long Post~#Very Long Post~#This was originally supposed to be attached to Sevi's actual post.#But then it ended up getting too big.#And then my creativity started going all over the place.#And then that one little dialogue snippet ended up turning into this monster of a post.#And honestly I'm not sure what to consider this.#Fan fiction maybe?#Free Prose bullshit?#I'M NOT SURE WHAT THIS COULD BE CONSIDERED.#BUT I JUST KNOW THAT I HAD A REALLY FUN TIME WRITING IT OUT.#The idea of taking a crossover and twisting it to something slightly original is something that I've always adored.#So I couldn't resist doing something like this.#THIS ONE IS FOR YOU SEVI.#I HOPE YOU HAVE A FUN TIME READING IT!#YOU CREATED THE GREAT IDEA AND WELL I EXPANDED ON IT!#SO YEAH!#But seriously this turned out way different than what I had in mind.#I'm kinda proud of it in a way.#I hope you guys have fun reading it!#Lots of kisses to the fandom~ ♥

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vanchlo · 8 years ago

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the assistant / chapter eighteen, “down”

hey there!!!!! woah it’s been so long, i am so so sorry!!! it’s so good to be typing all this up and making this post haha and its kinda weird trying to get back into it too, i missed picking the gif and little sneak peeks out for the post on here lol. i hope you’ve all been well and had great holidays!! well i came back to this chapter that was sitting around for awhile and i wrapped up the end of it, and so i figured i would post it. hopefully it isn’t utter trash haha. i really don’t know when the next chapter will be up or if i’m back with this story just to be honest with you, but i thought i would give it another try and my bf like really wanted me to try again for awhile lol hes pretty great, so you have him to thank lmao. i really wanted to say a big thank you to those of you who have sent me lovely messages about the story (im sorry if some got lost :( or i never replied to) and who have been so patient, it means the world and im so excited to share this new one with you because of your continued love and support for this story, because i know youre all so excited. it still amazes me honestly, you guys are the best. but yes i hope you like this, plz plz let me know what you think! i enjoy!!!! :-)

p.s. - i can’t remember for the fricken life of me how i formatted their texts so be easy on me lol theres not a lot to work with or do, i hope theyre easy to understand :) ugh if only you could change the color of the font on here it would be so much easier sigh

old chapterzzzzzz!

i know that i probably shouldn’t, and honestly i really don’t know if harry would give a shit, but i thumb at the corner of the file by the label. the fact of being in his hall and not knowing if i should do this or not makes it a little worse.

i take a breath before i stop in front of his closed door. rapping my fist against the door, i wait like any other time. and after harry told me the other day to just come on in if he doesn’t answer by the second time, to just let myself in if it’s something important, i do just that ever so nervously. and with the suspicious as shit file weighing heavily in my arms, i wrap my fingers around the cold tingy metal and twist. the creepy neck feeling and the hot nervous one like i did something wrong floods back to me in a tsunamic like wave when i spot the graying man standing by harry’s desk.

with a gulp that becomes harder when his dark brown eyes cast over to me along with the weak dimples peeking out of his cheeks aged with lines, suddenly i feel not so great.

it feels like everybody’s eyes are on the back of my neck when i eventually walk out of the bathroom and back to my desk. when i turn around, there’s nobody watching or staring or prying. just my messed up conscious and paranoid mind, because that’s nice. i discreetly run a finger under my eyes as i pull out the wheely chair and sit back down, lifting the top of my macbook to open it up. holding down the power button, the white apple logo soon appears on my screen. with a sniffle, i pull at the tight waist of these black dress pants before typing my password in.

the plain mountain background loads quickly, and a second later a soft chime sounds. and then there’s another. dragging my eyes to the top right corner of the shiny screen, i see the name i dread maybe the most.

(H in italics and B in bold-italics :-))

12:05pm

please try to be nice with

the costume, pretty

please with a cherry on top?

12:10pm

you’re making me nervous,

becks.

and a new chime just as this message comes in, all fresh and new.

12:23pm

you there, love?

yeah sorry. got busy.

it’s ok.

instead of replying, i venture to chrome and open my email to find too much freaking shit. the third or fourth email is from him, time stamped from around eight am. he probably finished the list up and sent it from home last night, which isn’t too weird for him. sometimes it comes the night before, if he’s feeling generous or something like that.

12:29pm

what’s this file you want?

what?

on the list. it just says ‘find the

heartwood file for me asap and bring

it to me’. you need to learn to be more

specific you know, i thought we talked

about this.

12:30pm

oh yeah. that. sorryyyyyy, i

know we spoke about

it. yeah, i need the

criminal file on bertie

heartwood. it’s not on the

online database as a digital file, so

you’ll have to go down

to the basement where

they keep all of the real paper ones.

you’ve been down there

the one time right? it

wasn’t too bad, huh?

yeah it was a jolly old time, i loved the

creepy old geezer sitting in the door shoving his face with a twinkie who couldn’t help me for shit. i almost had

an asthma attack from all of the dust

and i don’t have asthma!

damn you’re hilarious,

becks.

shutup, i’m being serious.

don’t send me a fucking smiley face.

first i have to do all of that awful filing

and now i have to go down to the

basement to the papers room where who knows

how many rats live with the creepy old

guy staring at my bum and boobs. watch, i probably

will never even get back up here to

17 because the elevator will have

stopped working, or the weirdo shanked me and i bled out. and god, don’t even

get me fucking started on the

cobwebs down there.

language! and would you chill out? there

are no bloody rats in my

law firm

i heard something the last time i was

down there trying and failing to find

that witman file for you, and i turned

around and i swear to god i saw a

tail, harry.

stop it, you did not see

a bleeding rat down there.

and i keep my firm

blooming spotless, so hush.

you still need to find a new clerk guy

down there who isn’t a 80 year old

who probably has an arrest or two

having to do with pedophilia and porn.

i bet you fifty pounds if you had the

techies look at his computer you’d find pornhub.com in his web history.

bloody hell becks. he

does not. jerry’s background

is spotless. ya really think

i’d take a bet on somebody

like that?

well all he does is basically just guard

about fifty dusty shelves of files, so

yeah maybee.

fuck you, you little shit.

uh no, i only get to call you that.

sure you do.

shutup.

can i pleaseeeeee not go down there?

i was considering it, but

not after all that lousy stuff

you said about the papers

room and nice old jerry.

he is not nice, harry! he’s so rude.

doesn’t even help me when i have a

question, scouts honor.

no way, you were a girl scout?

ya sell all those yummy boxes

of biscuits, too?

shut up.

ya better be nice, or i just

might make you come to

that ball with me after all,

you little shit.

stop calling me that, that’s my line.

would you rather i come down

and give you another nice

tour? i don’t really want to,

because i’m supposed to be

doing this skype call with

somebody from ny, and

hell thats why i asked you

to do it.

god, don’t be too honest there.

i’m sorry, just not looking forward

to this skype call. and amber

won’t stop blowing up my phone,

she’s in a real mood today.

what’s new with that?

be nice, becks.

i’m just stating the truth, that’s all.

his reply is lagged, and i tap my fingers against my thigh as i wait for the word ‘read’ to show up under my message. and more so for the little bubble to show up. i don’t know if i’m thankful or what when the t-rex rings and i drag my hand over with a huff to pick it up.

“styles and lawson, this is becky,” i answer the most mock cheerfully that i can do on a monday.

“hi, i was wondering who i could talk to about how i could go about setting up a consultation with mr. styles?” a chipper voice replies.

“i’m mr. styles’ assistant, so i can gladly answer that question for you,” i reply.

ten unnecessary minutes later, i finally set the phone down. and when i turn to wake up my computer, there’s a red bubble stuck to my little messages icon. with a shake of my head, i click on it and find harry’s texts. but i hardly get a chance to read them, when his name pops up in the corner of my screen again, but this time he’s calling me.

sticking my hand into my drawer, i pull my buzzing phone out and swipe my thumb across the screen.

“god, what do you want now?” i reply fake annoyed.

“ya betta watch it, becks. actually ‘m surprised ya answered, ya weren’t replying t’ me texts.”

“i’m sorry, i had to explain to some old lady on the phone that just because you’re such a greaaaat lawyer, that you don’t take all cases that come at you, and she wasn’t that happy because of that and because she doesn’t really know how to work email to send me a consult. actually i don’t think she even has one.”

“oh, i see. well sorry i blew up yer mac, but was hopin’ ya’d go an’ get that file fer me soon. pleeeease, becks?” he says, apology heavy in his tone, before it switches to something sickeningly sweet. what a little shit.

“can’t like, you call down there and just have them send it up somehow?”

“this isn’ a bloody post office, becks. ’s jus’ one li’l file, tha’s actually real important. an’ i need it, i wouldn’ ask ya t’ go get it if i didn’ need it.”

“suuuuure,” i sigh, browsing through this week’s list quickly, but it’s not much use because this isn’t the final length. it’ll just keep getting added to as the week carries on. the usual.

“come on, becks. i won’ make ya go down there fer awhile afta this, ok?”

“weak proposition, mr. lawyer,” i reply sassily, pushing my hair behind my ear as i open another email reading a consult from a possible client.

“‘m not gonn’ bribe you.”

“why not?”

“you cheeky li’l thing you, jus’ go get tha bloody file before i come out there.”

“wow, you’re soooo scary,” i tease, hearing his fed up huff.

“jus’ go get tha damn file, you bloody li’l shit,” he chuckles softly. “now i really hafta go, tha bloke’s s’posed t’ be callin’ any mo’ now.”

“no, wait!”

“whaaaat?” he groans.

“i forgot where i look down there, because you know there’s like fifty shelves with boxes of files on them.”

“bloody hell, becks, just ask jerry.”

“i am not talking to that creeper ever again in my life,” i whisper, lowering my voice when somebody walks by. “and he is soooo a creeper, harry! the last time i was down there, i was looking through a box of files that was on the bottom shelf, and when i looked up the bloke’s eyes were glued to my cleavage!”

what comes next is a little explosion of giggles from his side, and i have to resist rolling my eyes because it’s not as good when he can’t see it. since we’re on the phone, even though he’s like . . well right over there.

“becks, yer too damn funny fer yer own good, darlin’,” he gets out in a long titter, and i deal him back a sigh. “ok don’ botha with jerry then, but ’s organized by tha alphabet if i rememba right from tha last time i was down there. but yeah ’s just by last name, so it shouldn’ be too hard t’ find, love.”

“wow, thanks for calling me dumb.”

“‘m not callin’ you dumb, becks!” he laughs, and when i hear the familiar ringing sound faintly i know it’s his skype. “hey sorry, that bastard’s ringin’ me, so i gott’ go. but if ya ‘ave any troubles, jus’ text me an’ ‘ll try t’ get back t’ ya fairly quick.”

“ok, don’t get too bored,” i joke, hearing his sweet giggle for only a second.

“thanks, babe, don’ die down there,” he replies, and i only get a scoff in before he says a quick goodbye.

with a dreaded touch and an exaggerated groan, i stab the lit up plastic button labeled ‘bmt’ and take a few steps and turn to lean against the back wall of the elevator i’m alone in. with a soft hum, the doors squeeze back together and it starts to move down as i stare ahead at my blurry reflection in the shiny doors.

12:50pm

this really fricken sucks,

like a lot.

i stab my thumb at the ‘send’ button and let out a huff after pressing the lock button waiting to arrive in the moldy scary basement. the red led number above the doors falls one by one, sticking at ‘9’ before it drops again.

buzz buzz.

12:54pm

hush, don’t start being a

whine baby on me now.

i told you i won’t make you

go down there for awhile

after this.

you better not.

oh stop being so dramatic.

i think i got that from you.

you’re just hilarious.

why thank you.

now get off your phone and

go get that file.

i’m on the elevator as we

speak, god chill!

you chill, and stop taking the

lord’s name.

since when do you care?

doesn’t matter, now i gotta go.

this bloke is almost back from

whatever the hell he had to do,

and i gotta pay attention, this call

is important.

ok, sorry for bothering you.

don’t, you’re not bothering me.

why do ya always think you’re a

bother becks? but

text me if you need me for any

help with finding the file, and i’ll

try my best, i just might take a

bit to reply.

thank you, harry. you know

you’re probably the best, right?

thanks, sweetheart :) you’re

pretty darn great yourself.

you’re welcome, and thanks :)

i wait for a quick witted reply, and after a little bit i think he should have replied by now with how quick his replies were coming. and so i stuff my phone away in my pocket, and look up to find the doors peeling apart. i take in a deep breath and step off the elevator, pulling my long gray sweater around me at the change of temperature. fuckkkkkk, i do not need this too.

with shivering shoulders and chattering teeth, i tiptoe down the hall - because well there’s not a fucking soul around and i feel like it’s too quiet and shit is going to echo - and soon spot the little sign that reads ‘file room’. but ever since i stepped my first foot into this form, it’s always been called ‘the papers room’ for a reason i don’t know, and that i should probably ask harry one day. or asher.

sure enough, wrinkly and graying and not to mention balding jerry whitter is sat at his black desk scrolling away on his silver desktop. probably looking at girl on girl action, or something really weird, i just have a weird feeling. it takes him too long to look up and when he does, i savor the look on his face because fuck i know he was looking at porn. that git.

with a forced smile stretching across his stubbly chubby cheeks, his thin lips you could hardly discern from his gray mustache part, “oh hullo, love. come down to find another file. ya need any help finding anything?” he says ever so cheerily, but i know it’s fake.

“uh no thanks, i think i got it,” i reply, trying a smile that he returns, but it’s last about a second. with a shiver and my arms pulled around myself, i walk past the wimpy coworker of mine dressed in a long sleeved gray button down and slacks. i don’t even want to think about those slacks and any other part of his body for that matter.

that thought gives me another shiver as i pass the tall gray metal shelves of cardboard box heavy with ancient files. all i know is that most of the files that harry and the other lawyers used and need these days are online digitally, and that somebody who’s not fucking jerry is in the process of scanning all of these to get them online. but i can imagine there’s a point where it’s just been enough, and what’s the point if you don’t need them? at least that’s what i think.

clearing my throat and trying to do the same with my mind, i bow my head and lift my hand to find the hot pink post it i scribbled down the info on, knowing i’ll most likely forget.

bertie heartwood

criminal files

1989

with a huff, i stuff it back away in the pocket of my sweater, pulling the front tighter across my chest. glancing a hasty look over my shoulder back at jerry, all i know is that i’m glad he’s not looking me up, and i don’t bother to see what he’s staring at on his computer. bad idea, becky, bad idea. and so i cross my arms over my chest, wincing at my annoying ass bra digging into my side as i look at the little sign on the very left of the shelf by the aisle. ‘a-f’ it reads. i try to hold back the groan as i walk down the long ass aisle, and turn to peek in the next one. like the other side, the very last shelf has another little sign reading ‘g-m’ and i drag my feet down to the beginning. first i go too far and i’m stuck in the g’s, and then when i veer to the right of the aisle i’m in the fucking j’s, because god. ughhhh.

i almost jump out of my fucking flats when my hip buzzes, and i look down to find the screen of my phone lit up. the smile is hard to push down at the sight of his words, and what they are.

12:55pm

it going alright? you get lost

down there, bub?

no, not yet. but apparently

finding the h’s in this aisle for

g-m is harder than it looks.

the screen goes dark as i stare at it waiting for his response, but it doesn’t come right away, and so i assume he’s caught up with his skype call. i don’t even know why he bothered anyways, especially since he joked somewhat about me leaving him alone. i turn my attention and eyes back to the boxes upon boxes of files waiting in front of me. after awhile, i finally get a little warmer and find the h’s. you’d think it wouldn’t be too hard to find ‘he-‘ especially when there shouldn’t be that big of a variety of files here, but yeah no. first there’s habergram. haberly. habittle. hack. hackney. hackman. like i’ve never seen so many ‘ha-’s in my entire life. what the fuck, harry?

my phone says it’s a few ticks away from quarter after one when i finally locate the ‘he-’s and then it’s not too bad then, considering ‘hea-‘ is right in the beginning, or so i hope. but after a minute or two, i finally finally the little label reading ‘heartwood, bertie’ and pull out the frayed dusty black file.

“ya find all that you need?” jerry questions when i walk up to his desk, much to my dismay.

“yep, thanks,” i answer, plucking a clicky pen from his coffee mug full of them. hmm so maybe the coffee mug of pens is a thing here, huh?

dreadfully so, i lean down and press the pen to the clipboard, but this time i remember to hold the file to my chest so the perv can’t look down my shirt. fucking gross. first i scribble down the date, time of 1:34pm, the name of the file as well as the handy dandy code on the lip of the file i have to locate first and then make it out and yada yada it’s too much work really, and finally i put down my autograph at the end.

jerry and i exchange small ‘thanks’ and he mutters a ‘bye’ i fully ignore, before i peel out of there and get back on the elevator afraid to be down there another minute more.

1:35pm

you still on the phone?

a dictionary sized ‘delivered’ pops up under my message after a moment, but no read receipt before i check my notifications and a few other things as the elevator brings me up. i’m happy when it sounds a long ding and the doors open, letting me breath again as i step out onto seventeen. the keys are clicking and the phones are a ringing as i walk back to my desk, veering for people in slacks and skirts rushing with their cups of tea and stacks of paper before i swing down harry’s hall. i know that i probably shouldn’t, and honestly i really don’t know if harry would give a shit, but i thumb at the corner of the file by the label. the fact of being in his hall and not knowing if i should do this or not makes it a little worse, so all i get is a glance of a wacky mugshot of a weird looking guy before i let it fall closed only a few steps away from harry’s door.

doing a once over for anybody busting me, even though i know it’s not going to happen or so i hope, i take a breath before i stop in front of his closed door. rapping my fist against the door, i wait like any other time. and after harry told me the other day to just come on in if he doesn’t answer by the second time, to just let myself in if it’s something important, i do just that ever so nervously. and with the suspicious as shit file weighing heavily in my arms, i wrap my fingers around the cold tingy metal and twist.

the creepy neck feeling and the hot nervous one like i did something wrong floods back to me in a tsunamic like wave when i spot the graying man standing by harry’s desk. with a gulp that becomes harder when his dark brown eyes cast over to me along with the weak dimples peeking out of his cheeks aged with lines, suddenly i feel not so great.

“u-uh can i help you with something, sir? i’m sorry, but nobody’s allowed in here without harry already-,” i begin, looking over his combed back thinning hair and broad-set frame.

“i got it, becks,” a voice says quickly, and when i turn my head, harry’s slipping into the room with his hard eyes set on the stranger standing in front of the both of us.

his emerald’s a different body of water from the man’s before us fall to me and i see something in his face that i don’t like. “are you sure?” i say quietly to him.

he nods his head and gives me a small smile, but i don’t know how much i believe it. “‘m sure, love, jus’ gimme a mo’ with him, alright?” he replies, patting my arm with his hand, and i don’t know why or how or what, but i catch his hand when it falls from me. it’s almost awkward and i don’t know what i’m doing or what my little half hatched plan is, but i hold it for a moment along with his gaze and last ditch murmur of his name. “’s fine, becks, promise. why dontcha go take yer break now, yeah?” he continues, giving me another reassuring smile that i don’t know if i can handle or accept, or whatever.

“ok,” i say, dropping his hand but not before i give it a little squeeze, one that he returns warmly. “let me know if you need anything.”

“will do,” he replies, before i turn away and head for the door, holding the image of his off smile and his whole off look in my mind. and the other thing sitting on his face that i don’t think i’ve ever seen before. nerves.

the door opens swiftly with a click, and as my back is to harry and the odd old guy, i hear the beginning of his brash voice. the voice of the other harry. “what, ya not know how t’ work a phone or sumthin’, can ya not gimme a quick ring befo’ ya jus’ swing by wheneva ya bloody like? i have a job ya know - people i represent an’ stuff i gott’ do, meetings i hafta go t’ an-“

“i bleedin’ built this place, ya not rememba that or sumthin’ . .” the stranger booms back in the same accent identical to harry’s, giving me a jump and making this whole thing even weirder. and with that, making me even more confused.

i blink hard before opening my eyes as the last bit of harry’s cold words spat at the stranger melt away from my ears with the distance i put between us, but i catch deep shouts and a raspy one in return. one i know all too well. and it hits me in the gut. because for some odd fucking reason, i want to spin around and stomp back over to his door and do i don’t know, something to get it to stop. to get the man to go away, a man i have a bad feeling about i know that already, and so i can wipe that scared nervous feeling from harry and make it all better.

but i know i shouldn’t and all of things, i know that i can’t. it’s not like that, and with a sad thought, i think it probably will never be like that. with another click, i step inside the break room and pop open the fridge, wishing the can of soda was something else. something still fizzy, but heavy to the taste and not sweet. something a happy medium like my favorite wine coolers, which only sends me into another dark thought about the man i just left. the man i care too fricken much about. fucking shit.

i knock the back of my middle knuckle against the screen of the kiosk, tapping hard at my numbers before pushing open the door to get back to work. i drop the black file i never actually put in harry’s hand on the last rack of the new little black file rack on my desk. i plop back down onto my chair, hearing a squeak i roll my eyes at. but my ass hardly hits the stiff chair when i hear shouting from far away and then a door slam, and when i think i recognize one of the voices, i fly out of that seat.

almost running, i bolt over to harry’s hallway in time to have the burly pissed old guy nearly charging past me. he gives me a dirty look that immediately reminds me too much of harry’s for some odd reason, before he rounds the corner and stomps away. with a gulp, my feet move again from being still and i carefully tread down to harry’s door. for what feels like the hundredth time, i hesitate when i reach my hand out to wrap around the door, but this time a feeling burns in my gut that i should and that i need to do this.

and with that, i turn the handle slowly even though an urgency pricks at my skin to turn it faster and harder, and everything else. i spot him almost instantaneously. back to me. shoulders taut and then shaking. little sad sounds carrying across the room from him.

i don’t know what to do. my body is rigid, every single fricken part of it. and so when i try to move my legs- hell just a muscle, i can’t. the fear immobilizes me. it restricts me as the pained sounds of what can only be his crying pricks at my ears, like the sharp end of little pins poking your skin, one by one, getting worse and worse. a breath is stuck in my lungs, not going anywhere along with the rest of me. and it only makes this worse, when i didn’t think that was an option.

all of a sudden the sniffles and the hoarse throaty sounds cease altogether, and i see his shoulders twitch. then a hand run through his impeccable curls that were messy for only a second, if that. all of a sudden he turns around and as if the sight of his red rimmed glassy eyes devoid of a care but riddled with emotion weren’t enough to send my mental self crashing to the ground, the look on his face when he sees me standing there with a foot out the door and the other in kills me altogether.

a syllable begins on his tongue i see. maybe my name. it pains me to even think it, but maybe another cry. or something possibly worse if that could happen: the beginning of a yell. the second one returns with a kick as i watch his eyes fill with tears again before he looks away with a knuckle to his eyes.

“i-i’m sorry, i don’t mean to barge in-,” i begin, but it all comes out wrong, and nothing right. it’s a mess, just like me. and well him, too. i don’t know what he’s thinking or doing, as his head is bent down looking at something on his desk, probably just finding something to do to occupy the embarrassment and the awkwardness that is all me. all fucking me. but i can’t blame him. because hell, i wouldn’t know what to do if he found me crying, well again. “harry,” is all that feels right and as i watch him poke his finger at a mini yellow legal pad with his gorgeous scrawling on it, a sob stutters in his throat. and i’m fucking gone.

within a blink or two, i’m standing in front of him. unsure of what to do. reach out, or go away. his adam’s apple bobs with a gulp before he lifts his chin slowly to look at me, and kill me with that defeated drowned look that makes me feel all sorts of horrible. for him. all for him. and because of what the fuck can i do?

but it’s more like what can’t i when i tug on his sleeve to bring him over to me until he’s close enough to wrap my arms around. that’s too late though, because his are already going around me and by the time i get mine around him, his face is bent into my neck with his hot tears melting into it. as he melts into me with throaty sobs leaving his lips.

i don’t know what to do, or what to say for that matter. i don’t even realize i’m doing it, or hell that i’m doing anything when i find my fingers lost in his hair combing through the end of his crazy curls, and drifting down to the long expanse of his back i rub in circles. through the easy silk of his shirt, i feel his taut strong back as it shakes with each hoarse cry and rises with a rattly breath that tickles against my now damp neck. we stand there for the next ten minutes, his head glued to my shoulder and my arms surrounding him and not moving an inch no matter how tired they get. but i hold onto him tight, my neck slick with tears and his breaths loud and hiccupy.

with every hiccupy cry that falls from his lips, my arms wrap around him a little tighter and my hands rub a little harder.

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hauntedduckdefendor · 8 years ago

Text

Not Jus’ the Whiskey Talkin’

Bastards. The whole lot of them. Swarming around Y/N like she was roadkill, and them all a bunch of starvin fuckin’ buzzards. Hell, the lass had only been workin’ here three months, and from the moment she walked through that door I knew she should be mine, that she would be mine. Those jean clad legs were long and amazin’ could probably wrap entirely around my waist, and don’t get me started on those eyes!! I could stare into them for hours and be completely content.

Her laugh just brought me out of my thoughts. Tig had just told her some of his cheesy pickup lines tha’ never work. “Dinna bore the lass Tig, she’s got work ta do” I called sliding my empty glass toward her. She gave Tig a smile which made me hate the fucker even more as she walked toward me. “Another Guinness then”? She asked looking at the clock. She knew I never drank this early unless I was in a foul mood, which today I was, thanks to the horndogs at the other end of the bar.

“You know I bet I could get Y/N in my dorm by the end of the night if I really put the Trager charm out on her” Tig told Juice as they worked on an old Chevy that needed more work than it was worth. “Not if I get to her first Tig, besides, I’m pretty sure her standards are higher than you” Juice laughed as he dodged the wrench that went flying his way. “Alrigh’ that’s enough ye muppets! Go find that wrench Juice, I’m not gonna hear Jax’s mouth about tool prices again” I bitched. Not liking the way they were talking about Y/N. “The lass isna a whore and ye best remember that”

“You okay Filip,” Y/N asked as she handed me my fifth beer of the evening. She was giving me that look of a concerned Old Lady. God, I wish she actually meant it. “Aye lass, jus’ had a rough day” She nodded, wiping down the bar in front of me. “If you need to talk, or let off some steam I’m here okay? You know I’m not like the rest of these gossip queens”. Oh, I know that fer sure lass, ye lips are tighter than ye’ shirt. Which is showing off some amazing views if I must say so. Dammit Chibs, stop thinking to yerself, your not a terrified lad for Christ sakes! I nodded. “Thanks, Lass. Would ye mind getting me a shot please”? She gave me the worried look again but nodded. Y/N slid the shot down the bar to me and went to check on the other guys, who were now bombarding her with more questions.

“Hey Y/N, what’s your favorite flower” Juice was giving her the puppy dog eyes as she grabbed his empty bottle and threw it in the trash. She loves daisies ye Muppet. “Well if you must know I love Daisies” her voice rang in my ear. A shit eating grin spread across my lips as I sipped my beer. I had left Daisies at the bar for her a little over a week ago. In fact, they were still in the vase, withered, and a little yellow around the edges, but she still had them. “I’ll have to remember that the next time I’m in town” Tig joked as he stood up from the bar. Ye better forget it as soon as you hit the can, Trager.

“You still doing okay down here” Y/N was right in front of me. I hadn’t even seen the lass walk up. Get ye shite together man. “Aye, love, just unwinding. Are ye doing okay? Want me ta tell ‘em to get lost” I nodded toward the end of the bar. Please let me tell them to get lost. She smiled at me and I thought my heart was going to burst. I loved her dimples. Ye did anythin’ ye could to make her smile the first month she was here ya arse. “No, they aren’t bothering me, besides, it’s my job ya know? You want anything else”? Are ye on the list. “Yeah lass, how about some more Jameson”? She nodded, grabbing the empty shot glasses in front of me. I still saw the worry in her eyes. All three of them. The lass dinnae have three eyes! You’re just drunk ye bugger. Will ye shut up, I’m nae drunk, and ye are getting on me nerves. “Here ya go Chibs. You feeling okay? Your face is a little red. She reached out and put her hand on my forehead like a mother would do a sick child. Her cool hands felt amazin’’ on my skin. Ye should go down a little lower lass. Dammit Chibs quit talking to me. Leave me alone to watch out for Y/N. She removed her hand and looked into my eyes. “I think you’ve had enough Chib’s but I can’t tell you what to do”. Oh yes, ye could and I would obey every order. “Nae, lass I’m good. Another shot would be lovely, though. Or ye could just bring the bottle.” There’s that look again. I’m not a child lass, I can handle the whiskey. I’ve been drinking the shite since I was seventeen.

Two more shots were placed in front of me. Smart choice love, I don need alcohol poisinin’ tonight. Tig’s voice once again filled the atmosphere of the clubhouse. Coming to stand beside Chibs’ he placed his hands on his brother’s shoulder. “The beds calling my name brother”. Better be all that’s calling yer name. “You sure you’re okay Chibby? You seem a little off today”. “Yeah brother, I’m fine, jus’ being lost in me thoughts and enjoying a drink or ten”. Tig laughed at me. Asshat. “A drink or thirty is more a like it. Sleep good brother. Oh, and don’t let Y/N forget to lock up”. My head turned toward the opposite end of the bar. Everyone else had gone to bed at some point or another. Leaving me and Y/N at the bar by ourselves. “Aye” was all I could tell Tig. I was concentrating on making the room stop spinning.

Y/N was down grabbing the empty bottles and glasses off of the bar, and taking them over to the sink. Feeling lonely now that all the talking had died down, I got to my feet and stumbled down to a chair closer to her. Before I had moved three feet, my boots were getting caught up in god knows what.

Fuckin boots, tryin to embarrass me in front of the lass.

That’s when Y/N moved around the bar and wrapped her arms around my waist. “Come on champ, let’s get you to bed”. Her sweet voice was right on my shoulder. Hell, I knew I was a good foot taller than her.

Fucking Sasquatch. No, that was Opie’s nickname, tall bastard

“Ye taking me to bed love”? I asked as I slung my arm over her shoulder. “Well, I don’t need you passing out at the bar. I don’t think you would be too happy with me if you woke up with a crick in your neck”. I laughed, “Lass, if ye were the one to wake me up I’d be happier than a fig in shite”. “What the hell does a fig have to do with shit, Filip,” she asked as I lost my balance. Grabbing onto the wall for support, I stopped. “What are ye talking about a fig. I said a pig in shite”

There’s that Old Lady look again.

“You said fig in shit Filip, Not pig.” “Nah lass, I said pig. I think you’re a little drunk. Ye been sneaking shots when we weren’t lookin’”

There’s that smile again. This time that rotten Juice hasn’t had anythin’ to do with it. It’s all ye Filip. “I think I let you have to much. Don’t you have to work in the morning”? Shaking my head was a huge mistake. Not only was the hallway spinning, but my stomach as well. My body was going to hate me in the morning. “I jus’ want ye to be happy, ye know that right lass” Now the Old Lady look was the confused, what the fuck is he going on about look. It’s now or never Filip, tell the lass, then go pass out so ye wont remember her turning ya down. Christ ye really need to stop talking to yerself’. Folks gonna’ tink’ ye’ve gone mad”.

I stood up to what I thought was my full height, the wall helping me keep my balance, along with the beautiful lady to my left. “Daisies. Daisies are ye favorite flower. Teal, your favorite color, and ye take your coffee with milk and sugar. “Ye are all the time reading on that fangeled e-reader thing, and ye smile so much at those fictional bastards. In the mornin’ when you think no one us up yet, ye sing Stone Temple Pilots, and Flogging Molly. Ye love any movie done by that Tim Burton fucker, but that one with the singin’ skeleton is your favorite, and ye know all the words. Even the ones not in the songs. Ye prefer cats to dogs, and ye’ love when it rains. Which hardly ever happens here.” She was giving me a look. One I didn’t even know how to describe. At the moment I was trying to figure out which of her faces to look at. “Sounds like you have been doing your research Filip”. I leaned back and rested my head against the wall. “Aye, well, that’s what ye do when ye love someone”. I felt her stiffen beside me. Fuck did you think that or say that?

“You love me”. It was a statement. Not a question. Ye done dug your grave lad, may as well jump in it. “Aye, I do love ye. That’s why I was drinkin all day. Tig and those other fuckers, want ye in their beds, but they dinna love ya. They want yer’ body sure, but not yer’ mind or ye heart. Not like I do”. She was standing in front of me now. Here it comes, she’s gonna smack ya then leave ye on the floor. Her hand came up to my face alright. But she didn’t slap me. Instead she ran her thumb over my scar, then moved her hand down to my neck.

“Your favorite whiskey is Jameson. Beer is Guinness. You don’t care if everyone hears you singing, even if we can’t understand the words.You love this club and your brothers more then anything. Tig is your best buddy, even though some days you regret that decision, and when you think I’m not looking, you like to steal glances at my ass. You left me teal daisies, and a gift card to my favorite bookstore last week, and didn’t think I would recognize your scribble on the note.”

Shocked. I was fucking shocked. “Looks like ye have been doing some research yerself, ye cheeky little minx”. Put ye arms around her waist. Girls love that ye know. “Well that’s what you do when you love someone. You pick up on their little quirks, and above all, you don’t tell them they have been talking to themselves out loud all night for the whole club to hear”. Fuck I was really talking out loud. “Yes you were really talking out loud. I’m glad you like my tight jeans, and the view my low cut shirt gives you. I give you the old lady stare because I worry about you.” I hung my head. “Ye must think Im bat shite crazy dont ye”? She laughed. “No Filip, I just think your extremely drunk and need to lie down. Come on, lad, we can figure out our new relationship in the mornin’”. “That was the worst Scottish accent I have ever heard” She helped me stand up as the words left my mouth. “Well, hopefully you remember all this in the morning and you can teach me how to do a proper one”.

#sons of anarchy #sons of anarchy fan fiction #chibs telford #tig trager #juice oritz

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whimsically-ominously-auspice · 6 years ago

Text

We are at Sonic, 99 cent regular size burritos today-must mention ad, my older brother wanted chili cheese tots (i need onion and mustard on mine), pretzels, drink, my mom ordered my dad some things.

So Annabelle and i ordered. I smoked, she ate moz sticks. Ours was $7. We saved our burritos for home, hers was egg and cheese only. Mine sausage.

The rest of my sciatic nerve was killing me. Took me awhile to figure out what it was, i even asked last night some of the muscle trained peoples what they thought it was. So I just have a stem coming from the spine. A short, probably not a new nerve growth because (im not saying my doctor sucks because there's a method to the madness) i haven't had sciatic pain and i know for a fact as well as my currently recurred sinus pain is caused by situations i am in. Could be a new growth, idk but the doctor tests nerves and they're close together and we're not using florscopy to look in my body while holding something that can paralyze me for life. So better safe and repeat than sorry. Of course i could be wrong and a cyst is putting pressure on my motor nerve. Because the doctor tests as i said and I fall asleep or am in and out and when he tests the motor nerve it shakes my leg. And so i feel a similar pain as i do now. Except i hear the doctor when hes needling me and he says "thats not it" "nope" "i cant get it" "lets just move on for now" so i assume we have a sciatic branch under a motor nerve. This is why i trust my doctor. If you're curious, measure straight across from the tip of your ass crack to the middle of your butt cheek, the size of my hand from the crack. Then pivot your middle finger so its pointed down and i got a nice hunk of Matt handle fat and that whole palm are hurts but when on opiates/narcotics and CBD and muscle relaxer and neuropathic pain medication, it hurts straight across from my crack and doesn't radiate but comes in like a dagger on each literal heart beat.

So I'm feeling like shit. Exhausted. Emotionally, mentally, physically, my mom is pissed cause my dad wants a sausage,burrito and she wants me to get a BBLT which no one,wants cause that's all she buys. And shes starting her psycho drama bull shit. Which just ended in "you didn't give me money" and her well you had money to,get coffee at the gas station and my dad saying "shes not going to give you a real reason, shes going,to,say something you would,say because that's all you understand"

I never told her i would use my money although im the type to do so. I told her my brother gave me money, when she asked if i needed it before i left, cause she was working outside. My brother will give me $40 to buy food and he only get a $9 meal. But i had to use my own money. Cause it was $17.58 and i gave the girl a $1 tip.

The girl looked scared. I think it was the energy in the air. I was struggling to ignore it. I don't like guns. They make life unfair. If you walk up to me, i have a chance to make,a semi-plan. If i walk up to you, you have a chance to make a plan. With a gun, there's nothing. No chance to defend. Which is common sense. Unless God jams the gun. Inexperience is scariest cause then it increases the chance a misfire could occur. I guess that's why some of us like the dark. Mother Nature can be a safety shield. I do use her.

You have heard the beginning and the almost end of one story. What do you think has happened at Sonic to cause this eerieness???

Did I stand up in the sunroof waving my magic crystal wand?

Am I randomly attacking people with my new JLO purse by hitting people in the back of their heads for having their window open?

Did I go inside and take over the Mic to sing "Fuck tha Police"?

No.

So we sitting there just having ordered everyone else's food so it would be hot and fresh upon delivery.

And the Sentra of a century pulled in blaring his music about idk what. Annabelle and i made fun of him cause it sounded like he was singing about tater tots. Then later the song was about hot tamales. Swear.

So I'm still mostly sitting straight with my head back against the seat, eyes closed and smoking cause that doesn't hurt. (There is a sciatic position for sitting I learned at physical therapy) and i feel my kid dodge and say something.

Its literal too much pain to turn my neck but I do cause my kid is all "omg" and its not a good. I say "what?" "He has a gun!!!!"

I'm all no he,doesn't but my eyes flash up at him and I see him pull back as if hes just loaded or checking/playing while its empty.

I'm strongly feeling hes empty. Strongly. Yet I am extremely aware how vulnerable I am if hes not or has bullets within reach. My kid gets down lower than the window without me telling her to.

Fear is suffocating. I know my kid is startled like Hell. Idk if anyone else inside saw. The car hop is weary, yet i see that look often with just loud music -- because usually those people are disrespectful.

And IDK where he came from. So IDK if I'm,praying or being told the guy isn't there to harm,me.

Well I mean like if he is, what am i gonna do?

Besides all was in the air,was pure,fear.

Danger is something completely different feeling... You know when you watch a cat on tv stalk,a,prey and you get that warm dark comforting feeling? I didn't,have that.

It was pretty sunny, Philadelphia.

But I was annoyed cause my kid was startled and there was a little Mercedes skin between hers and his. Even if I know I'm safe. I don't trust that someone put bullet proof materials on my car before i got it.

So the kid refuses to look at me.

Finally we get our food and we can leave.

My kid feels free to laugh again. "He has an apple watch and an iphone 5"

Then the kid feels free to speak.... He was a messenger. I accept his message. And i thank him.

So i tell my dad and his answer is a double barrel shot gun.

God's is a German Shephard.

Denise's is a rottie.

How do i deal with those situations? Neither one of us are there. Thats what i express. Im not there, the gun isnt and whoever has the gun. Why? If they're planning on criminal behavior, then they feel safe to know im not,a,witness. Idc they rob someone or kill them. I dont want to be robbed nor killed. So they're on their own just as they were before I saw them.

If they are robbing, and its fast and easy ill,cheer them on. I honestly do not give a,fuck.

I'm,not about to be in some petty none sense drama that i wasnt in in the first place.

Oh yeah sure Sabrina but you're a key board warrior. Hell fuck yes i am. And bring your shit. Try me out. You're gonna get a hugely different response if you're all about me.

See the difference? Dont be about me and leave me alone. And i see nothing.

Unless i have to.

Cause we all know I'm a tattle tale.

So hopefully old boy knows where to pick up his tamales.

Cause I'm sure they will be just fine.

Also before this occurred.

I was analyzing the message of my, get this, sigh Attica.

Which was about the same person my gun totting friend was messaging about.

And unfortunately Mr I steal eggs and sperm to create white kids to abuse left his information about how to deal with criminals and their behavior.

Which unfortunately was mostly, just let them do it.

And so they are saying themselves they need to stop following that formula.

Now Mr Gun had the same answer but a different one than i was thinking (for once)

But his is best.... For my peace.

Of course live and let live, let people have a chance to grow has also been active.

For Denise it doesnt work.

So my choice is really none -- as I do not have to make that choice. I'm not going to do either one as i am not qualified to do either. However both as explained to me that i will remain unharmed (emotionally,mentally,physically--- 2 of which are about people i love being hurt as well) and so i accept either or both choices being carried out.

The,wind is nice and cooling,today. Pretty excited! :) kinda got,a little sandblast to the teeth BUT NOT my face.

So mother nature says mush!!!!

0 notes

gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 4 years ago

Text

==>

When you arrive at Roze’s apartment, you fizzind ha asleep on tha cizzouch. Boo-Yaa! Yizzay slizzide tha balcony door open, quietly.

JOHN: Death row 187 4 life. roze?

Eyes flutta open. She lizzooks lizzy a gizzy, and niznot the kind of ghiznost that lizzooks n acts exizzle like an alive person. It dont stop till the wheels fall off.

ROZE and my money on my mind: How yaba daba dizzle... hiznow long have I bizzay sleep'n?

JIZZY: i dunno. i jizzy gots here.

JIZZLE: be you ok?

ROZE: I’ll be fine.

JOHN: that looks like a lot of pills you’re taking there.

ROZE: Yizzy. It’s not what yizzou’re cruisin' though.

JOHN: what be i think'n?

ROZE: Theze be controlled substances that have been prescribed by a legitimate doctor ta ease tha sizzy of mah condition. I be cruisin' them only as instructed.

JOHN paper'd up: ok? Im crazy, you can't phase me.?

ROZE now pass the glock: So there’s nuttin ta worry 'bout.

JOHN: but yizzle said yizzy have a condition. Death row 187 4 life. isn’t that...bad?

You watch ha rize 'n stages now. Ha arm be spendin' where she’s brac'n it on thizze couch.

ROZE: Oh. Yes. Tha condition itself be not ideal, obviously. N pizzles it does constitute sum-m sum-m ta worry 'bout, 'n tha context of a different convizzle. Listen to how a fucker flow shit. All I’m stylin' ta sizzle be, I’m not backslid'n, if that’s what you’re frontin'.

You spend sevizzle pregnant moments say'n crack-a-lackin` at all 'n responze ta dis. You examine Rose’s supine, languid form on tha ciznouch, optimistic thizzay sizzy wizzle contizzle speak'n any mizzle nizzow.

ROZE, better recognize: I struggled wit substance abuze fo` a while, years ago. Rememba cuz its a thang?

JOHN: roze, jesus. i wasn’t dippin' ta accuze you of bein a drug addict, n i didn’t fly ova hiznere ta give yiznou an intervention. Subscribe, get yo issue.

JIZZY: it soundizzle like yiznou had some important stuff ta tiznell me, n tha fact that you also seem ta be sizzle is more thizzan a shawty alarm'n!

ROZE: I wouldn’t sizzay I’m sick.

ROZE: Just hav'n spectacularly debilitat'n heezeeaches as a result of mah vizzles becom'n M-to-tha-izzore frequent.

JOHN: oh Y-to-tha-izzeah. Snoop dogg is in this bitch.

JOHN: what be theze visions you’re hav'n? I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier.

ROZE: I’m a Sea of Light, John.

JOHN: i know.

JIZZAY: so you mean like, yo' standard pizzy visions 'bout the future n stuff?

JIZNOHN: whiznat’s go'n ta happizzle? Bounce wit me. S-H-to-tha-izzould we be worry so sit back relax new jacks get smacked?

ROZE: It dizzoesn’t technically pizzle ta tha futizzle. Wizzy, not our fizzle.

ROZE: Mah abilities have broadened considerably beyond they previous horizon fo gettin yo pimp on. They shed light on mizzle unseen evizzles. P-to-tha-izzast, present, future, 'n realities and frizzles of reference that hizzy no intersection wit ours at all.

ROZE: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. It seems ta be an unfortunate side effect of gizzle tia abilities. They cizzle advance at a rizzay beyond one’s physical ability ta keep up wit fo all my homies in the pen.

ROZE: Fortunatelizzle it dizzoesn’t seem ta be happen'n to anyone otha than me.

JOHN upside yo head: yeah, cizzan’t siznay i’ve noticed anyth'n like that.

JOHN: or improvement 'n mah powa fo` that matta.

ROZE cuz its a thang: It’s not 'bout gain'n additional powa, so much as tha gradual stylin' of tha boundaries between yo' own awareness and that of yo' mizzle doomed selves who perished 'n otha timelines.

ROZE: It’s a sizzy n apparently ratha uncomfortable accretion of knowlizzle. Perhizzles I’m the only one ta notice any C-H-to-tha-izzange, sizzince mah aspizzle explicitly relatizzles ta knowledge.

JOHN: i guess tizzy all makes senze.

JOHN: so whiznat be theze visions perpetratin' you?

RIZZY: Mizzle th'n. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. Thizzay quite disjointed, n sometimes hizzay ta rearrizzle into coherence.

R-TO-THA-IZZOSE: But 'n totality, I have pieced togetha a greata understand'n of our present situation and all tha events that lizzed us here, ya feel me?

Yizzle watch Roze crazy ass ta ha feet n C-R-to-tha-izzoss the apartment so bow down to the bow wow! At tha kitchenizzle, sizzy knocks back anotha pizzay witta practiced mizzle, no brotha. Ha vacant sizzy drizzay into tha countertop as she quietly waits fo` tha medicizzle ta takes effizzle. Bounce wit me.

JIZZOHN: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. droppin hits...n?

RIZZOSE: N what?

JOHN: whiznat be it 'bout our situation that yizzy wanted ta T-to-tha-izzell me?

JIZZLE: be it bad?

ROZE: Good n bad be words thiznat dizzay mean crack-a-lackin`, beyond a certain threshold of mortal consideration.

ROZE: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. There’s a different scale I’ve C-to-tha-izzome ta understand. Drug deala dichotomy that’s less... emotional, I G-to-tha-izzuess?

ROZE: Consida, instead of tha wizzord “gizzle,” us'n tha wizzord “essentizzle.”

ROSE: N what exists at the opposite polizzle fizzy essential be...

ROZE: Sum-m sum-m that be best not ta contizzle.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: what be you talk'n abizzle?

JIZZY: dis sounds fucked up cuz I'm fresh out the pen.

ROZE: Yes, that sizzounds like a reaction yizzy wiznould definitely hizzay ta tha th'n I’m tell'n yiznou wit da big Bo$$ Dogg.

ROZE: I really should ciznut it out, n just start from tha ridin' so jus' chill.

You follow Roze ta tha balcony. Shizzay raizes a hand n piznoints directly into tha clear blue sky. She pizzoints wit purpoze, as if ta say, there. Right there, precisely, be whizzere tha green sun would be, if it stizzay exizzle.

ROZE: Tha green sizzay is gizzay aww nah.

JOHN: whizzay??

ROZE: It has been destroyed. At least, from tha current frame of reference it has keep'n it real yo.

ROSE: It still existed, n therefore in a way that’s hizzay to explizzle, currently exists, poser a nearly infinite spizzle of time, ridin' thizzle birth n death of countless univerzes.

ROZE: Bizzay dis univerze, our univerze, be not one of thizzem.

JIZZLE: you saw this 'n a vision?

ROZE: No. Jade told me.

JIZZLE: she did? Im crazy, you can't phase me.

JOHN: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. how does she kizzy?

ROSE: She C-to-tha-izzan’t drizzaw from its crazy ass anymore like old skool shit. She no longa hizzas tha ability of a F-to-tha-izzirst Guardian like this and like that and like this and uh.

ROZE upside yo head: It has been dis wizzy fo` several years. I suspect she has kept dis F-to-tha-izzact on tha downlow, wanna be gangsta.

JOHN fo yo bitch ass: that’s...

JOHN: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. surprising, i guess fo' sho'?

JOHN fo' real: or maybe nizzot. i dunno, it’s nizzy liznike shizzay tizzells me a W-H-to-tha-izzole liznot theze D-to-tha-izzays.

ROZE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: It’s also not L-to-tha-izzike she’s had any particulizzle nee' ta unlizzle tha fiznull fury of tha grizneen sun, not while she’s been sippin' around wit D-to-tha-izzave n Karkat unda whateva sizzle arrangement they hizzle settlizzle on. Chill as I take you on a trip.

ROZE: Anyway, ha account of tha sun’s destruction syncs up wit tha dizzle supply by mah visions. I have no doubt it’s gone.

JOHN: how did tizzy happen and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow?

ROZE: It doesn’t gangsta much, fo` our purpozes.

ROZE: Thiznere wizzay a cataclysmic evizzle. A suicide sizzy by a vizzle powerful bein. Much lizzike tha one Dizzy and I attemptizzle, once upon a time cuz Im tha Double O G.

ROZE: But it turnizzle out tha explosizzle force we releaze' wizzay onlizzle a catalyst. Drop it like its hot. A causal gizzle. Snoop dogg is in this bitch. What was needed to destroy tha siznun was a consumptive assault.

JOHN: consumptizzle?

ROZE: The entire sizzay was swallizzle by a supermassive black H-to-tha-izzole.

ROZE fo yo bitch ass: I digress though. Shut up.

You press yo' eyes sizzy, jizzay fo` a moment. Subscribe, get yo issue. Behind tizzy you sizzle a black H-to-tha-izzole so supermassizzle that it spans tha width of eternity.

You quickly opizzle yo' eyes again, n pretend ta forget what yiznou just saw.

ROZE: There’s reallizzle no route through dis exposizzle garden path thiznat will adequately cushion yizzy from thizzle bottom lizzy, John aww nah.

ROZE: You will nee' ta travizzle back into canon n defeat Lord English.

You...

> Shrug n try ta lizzay casual. Keep'n it gangsta dogg.

You pull off tha most casizzle shrug thizzay a homey has eva shrugge' when bein presented wit tha inevitizzle of his own fizzy. If Roze were messin' at you rizzle nizzay, shizne wizzay be totally convincizzle that yizzy be trippin' dis topic witta level of nonchalance that be entizzle plausible n genuine. You’re S-to-tha-izzure of it.

JIZNOHN: yizneah, i had a feel'n thiznat was go'n ta come up again somedizzle.

ROZE: I’m sure we all did. That be, evizzle thoze of us witout visions.

JOHN: i was do'n mah bizzy nizzay to think 'bout it. i gizzle we can’t put it off any longa then?

ROZE: Now be tha time. We be rapidlizzle approach'n a point of no return. If tha decision isn’t made S-to-tha-izzoon, it wizzle be too late. Tha issue will no matta.

JIZZY: when exactly is tha point of no return?

ROZE: Todizzle and cant no hood fuck with death.

JIZZAY so you betta run: wow. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: ok then.

JOHN: F-to-tha-izzirst, one questizzle yeah yeah baby. um...

JOHN: why? They call me tha president.

ROZE: Whizzle what cuz Im tha Double O G?

JOHN: whizzay do i nee' ta go bizzay n beat hizzay?

JOHN: i mean, sorry if dis is a stupid question. i guess he’s a huge awful monsta, and that’s just what you’re suppoze' ta do wit huge awfizzle monsta. takes them diznown fo` they crimes, and such.

JOHN: bizzy why does he actizzle nee' ta be defizzle at all like this and like that and like this and uh? ta be honest, it’s been years since wizne’ve even bothered spendin' 'bout anizzle of dis, n everyth'n sizzay...

> Takes a lizzay around n survey tizzy currizzle status of all life on Earth, which be totallizzle pizzle ta do frizzle tha vantage pizzy of a single apartment balcony.

JIZZOHN: fine with the S-N-double-O-P?

ROZE to increase tha peace: Of courze everything be F-to-tha-izzine here.

ROZE: W-to-tha-izze’re outside of canon now.

JIZZLE: yeah, i kniznow. whizzle does that actuallizzle MEAN thiznough?

JIZZOHN: be yizzay frontin' dis isn’t really chillin'?

ROZE: Of courze it’s weed-smokin'.

ROZE: Jizzy coz cizzle events takes pizzy outsizzle of canon, it doesn’t mean thoze events be non-cizzle fo' sheezy.

JOHN: oh.

ROZE: 'n gangsta wizzords, there be an impizzle distinction between events which cizzay be considered ta occizzle inside canon, outside canon, n thoze wizzy be not canon at all.

ROZE if you gots a paper stack: Tha day we went through thizzle dizzy n clizzle our reward, we passed a threshold between contizzle mizzle by differ'n degrees of relevance, truth, n essentiality.

ROZE: Bounce wit me. Thoze be tha three pillars of canon.

JOHN: wizzy?

Roze shoots yiznou an irritated look. You kniznow wizzy tizzy lizzay means, chill yo. It’s reservizzle fo` tha sort of bozo whizzay just sizzle “what” once tizzay oftizzle with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin.

ROZE: Anizzle event siznaid ta takes plizzay inside cizzle will hizzave nonzero values of relevance and essentizzle, wizzy rhymin' an absolute foundation 'n truth, by definition.

ROZE: Tru. Whizzles events outsizzle canon have dimizzle values of relevance n essentiality. Snoop dogg is in this bitch. Or, fo` the most pizzle, can be considizzle baller relevant niznor essizzle at all.

ROZE: But such events can’t be sizzy ta be untrizzle eitha ya feelin' me? Instead, it’s betta ta regizzle they truth valizzle as highlizzle conditizzle.

ROZE: Be you sizzy following fo' real?

> Say “oh, yizzle. totally.”

JOHN: oh, yizzy. totally.

ROZE cuz its a doggy dog world: So ta be clear, frontin' thizzay tizzle place here on Earth C sizzle we exited canon can be considered completely irrelizzle, n fo` tha mizzy part, absolutely inessential. Yizzet none of it can be called untrizzle. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome.

ROZE: At lizzay, up until precisely today. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn.

JIZZY: ok.

JOHN: then what does non-canon mizzay?

ROZE: Events that be formally non-canon have no truth whatsoeva, by definition.

ROZE: They mizzy hiznave relevance n essentiality values that be nonzizzle, or even qizzy high, biznut only as projections alizzle an imaginary axis, result'n friznom highlizzle subjective frames of reference.

ROZE: But due ta thoze events hav'n no tizzy, n thus carrying no real wizzy, tha otha propizzles be basically rendizzle meaningless.

You can fizzle yo' eyes go wizzay as tha gears in yo' heezee slow ta a stop. Im crazy, you can't phase me. The implications of W-H-to-tha-izzat Roze be say'n be as vizzy as they be completely incomprehizzle. Yo' mizzy has jizzle been BLOWN.

ROZE: John in tha dogg pound?

ROZE: Are yizzle okay? Yo' pupils have gone qizzuite wide, thereby facilitat'n tha appizzle T-H-to-tha-izzat yo' mind hizzay just been blown.

JOHN, ya feel me? sizzle, i’m J-to-tha-izzust try'n ta wrizzay mah heezee arizzle dis.

ROZE: Yizzy of all thugz rizzle should have a good intuitive grasp ova theze concepts already.

ROZE: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. You’re tha one wit tha retcon drug deala, brotha all.

JIZNOHN paper'd up: i know with the S-N-double-O-P!

JIZZLE: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. like, i mostly git it. i think.

JOHN: i jiznust wizzy have thought ta put all of dis 'n such a jargony way.

ROZE: Sorry. That’s kind of whizzay I do.

JOHN: it’s fine spittin' that real shit. i’m just a bit rusty be all.

JOHN like a tru playa': it feels like it’s been so long sizzince i did, or even thought 'bout... anyth'n T-H-to-tha-izzat matterizzle at all fo' sheezy.

ROZE, better recognize: Yes, tha pimp we live outside of canizzle, tha more tenuoizzles our relationship wit canon becomizzles hittin that booty.

ROZE: Hence tha urgency fo' real.

JOHN: thizzay whizzay saggin' ta happen if we keep dragg'n our feet?

ROZE spittin' that real shit: I mentionizzle T-H-to-tha-izzat events outside cizzle have a T-R-to-tha-izzuth value that tizzy ta be conditional, bitch?

JOHN: um fo' sho'.

ROZE: Wiznell, I diznid cuz its a thang. Biznut lizzle me put it anotha way.

ROZE in tha hood: As lizzay as we live outside canizzle, everyth'n that happens wizzy technically be “real,” biznut only conditizzle. Anotha dogg house production.

ROZE in all flavas: There be certain crucial evizzles inside canon which must happen 'n orda to continue ta prizzay up thizzle legitimacizzle of events here on Earth C.

ROZE: N you specifizzle, Jizzle, have a responsibility ta make sure thoze events takes plizzay. Drop it like its hot.

JOHN: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. n i takes it that means go'n back n cappin' lord english yaba daba dizzle?

ROSE: Throw yo guns in the fuckin air. Yiznes.

ROZE: Chill as I take you on a trip. His defeat be the kizzle ta dis entire continuity.

ROZE: Much like his life, in S-to-tha-izzome sick way, governed tha overall design of tha briznidge which that keystone was hold'n up in tha hood.

ROZE droppin hits: Bizzut witout it, all of dis falls apart. Everizzle th'n we’ve been through, 'n a wizzle thiznat’s impossible fo` a single miznind ta fully comprehend, becomes retroactively discredited.

JOHN: so like a tru playa'... reality will be destroyed, or sum-m sum-m droppin hits?

JIZZLE: Slap your fuckin self. hasn’t that alrizzle S-to-tha-izzort of happened?

JIZZLE: i mizzle, whizzay all tha S-P-to-tha-izzace started ballin' wit da big Bo$$ Dogg?

ROSE: No, dis conseqizzle isn’t physical, or even a disruption of tha timeline. It’s mizzore of a conceptizzle unravel'n.

ROZE: If you miss tha chance to authenticate canizzle evizzles, sum-m sum-m will takes pliznace tizzy a bit difficult ta describe, biznut I’ve encountered a term fo` it.

ROZE: It’s called “dissipation.”

ROZE: Like, a notional fad'n. As if sum-m sum-m, somewhere, be undergo'n a prizzles of “forgett'n,” n we be what is be'n forgotten.

ROZE: All ideas, thugz n they F-to-tha-izzull potentialitizzles, possible outcizzles n they specifizzle unfold'n, all theze slappin' live inside conscious frameworks.

ROZE: Tha further removed we git from authentication of canon events, tha lizzy relevant T-H-to-tha-izzey become, n they slowly fade frizzle tha conscious framewizzles which kizzle thizzle stable. Dogg House Records in the fuckin house.

> Make a theatrically startled expression.

JIZZOHN: ok, i guess we dizzle wiznant THIZZLE ta hizzle dogg.

JIZZOHN: I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. or... unhappen. One, two three and to tha four. whateva.

JOHN so you betta run: so i J-to-tha-izzust retcon-poof back ta english and start like...

JOHN: brawl'n with the dude?

ROZE: Don’t be ridiculous. You wizzy lizzle a secizzle dogg.

RIZZAY: Yizzy nee' a team.

ROZE: You gotta check dis shit out yo. Also, you don’t want ta just dive heezeelong into a bizzay wit his hulk'n adizzle fizzy. That wizzle be tactically fizzle, n furthermore, W-to-tha-izzould skizzay rappa some very important steps needed ta authenticate canon. One, two three and to tha four.

JOHN: Im a bad boy. like what paper'd up?

ROZE cuz its a doggy dog world: I mentioned that English’s defeat was tha keystone ta tha continuity. Bizzut dis be an oversimplifizzle.

JIZZAY: yikes. W-to-tha-izzell, we S-to-tha-izzure as fizzy W-to-tha-izzouldn’t wizzay ta simplizzle anyth'n.

ROZE: John, pleaze D-to-tha-izzon’t be a bizzle now. I’m unwell, rememba?

JIZZLE: sizzle.

RIZZOSE: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. Tha tizzy keystone, W-H-to-tha-izzich be a necessary component of his defeat, be tha juju. Subscribe, get yo issue.

ROZE: Tha house-shapizzle object you stuck yo' hand 'n ta gain yo' retcon powa, ya feel me?

JOHN: oh yeah. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome.

ROZE: Wizzy empty, it resembles a gap. Like a hizzole 'n canon, whose only purpose is ta be fillizzle spittin' that real shit.

ROZE so show some love! 'n weed-smokin' thizzay purpoze, it grizzants one wit tha radicizzle canon-alter'n powa thizzle wizzle be needed ta fill it wit da big Bo$$ Dogg.

ROZE yeah yeah baby: Once fillizzle, it becomes solid like a fucka. No longer a gap, but a serviceable, load-bear'n wiznedge 'n our continuity. They call me tha president.

ROZE: Lizzay a kizzle.

ROZE: N once delivered ta Englizzle n directed his wizzy, it empties itself again, releas'n its messin' payload. It functions as a weapon, and 'n sizzy manna will cruisin' 'bout his demize.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: 'n S-to-tha-izzome shot calla? One, two three and to tha four.

ROZE: It’s a complicatizzle artifact ridin' in mah double R. As old n unfathomable as anyth'n elze in Paradox Space, like tha green sun, or English himself. Don’t worry 'bout it fo` now.

ROZE: Tha important th'n be that, in tha due cizzay of yo' travels, you end up load'n n unload'n dis wizzle.

JOHN: Hollaz to the East Side. how be i frontin' ta do that?

ROZE: Once you sizzay slappin' 'n motion, it should jizzay happen naturally through tha narrative momentum of yo' journey. I’m really just warn'n yizzle 'bout it, ratha than instruct'n you.

JOHN: ok cuz Im tha Double O G. thiznanks??

ROZE: Yiznou’re welcome from tha streets of tha L-B-C.

Roze looks at ha phone. You recognize Kanayizzles dizzle typ'n stylizzay 'n tha window. Roze’s thumbs begin ta fly acrizzles tha keypad. She continues ta text as she tizzy.

JOHN: so if W-to-tha-izze’re stylin' ta go bizzay n kizzle him 'n time ta “authenticate canizzle,” i guess we have ta git go'n soon.

JOHN: lizzle today in tha hood?

ROZE and yo momma: Yes. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.

JIZZY thats off tha hook yo: be yizzle sizzle yizzay actually up fo` a fizzight though? Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. no offenze, but yizzle trippin' a shawty worze fo` tha W-to-tha-izzear.

ROZE: I’m not go'n.

JOHN: oh.

ROZE, know what im sayin? None of us be. Only yiznou.

JOHN from tha streets of tha L-B-C: whizzle? Hollaz to the East Side.? but you said...

ROZE: Jiznohn, dis be tha victory state.

JOHN: what tha hell does thiznat even miznean.

ROZE: When we went thriznough thizzay door, n pasze' beyizzle tha threshold of canon, we effectizzle retired from bear'n any responsibility fo` influenc'n cizzle events. We’ve all bizzay sort of decommissioned as active playas on tha cosmizzle stage, wizzy severely dimizzle relizzle attributes so you betta run.

ROZE: All of us except fo` you, of courze, sizzay you’ve retained yo' rizzle abilities.

JOHN: ok, i git that. kind of.

JOHN: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. but wit da big Bo$$ Dogg... couldn’t y-aw jizzust come along anyway?

ROZE: We could. Biznut it wouldn’t S-to-tha-izzerve any purpoze like old skool shit.

ROZE: It wiznouldn’t plizzug up tha sippin' dizzle sizzy 'n canon.

ROZE: You’ll nee' a group of active playa. Thoze stizzle stuck inside tha stream of canonic karma.

JOHN, chill yo: who like a fucka?

RIZZY: Nuttin too extravagant. Boo-Yaa! Jizzust different versions of us fo my bling bling.

ROSE: Vizzles, from a particularly dysfunctional impasze 'n our journey. Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay.

ROZE: I can pizzy out thizzle exact moment 'n canizzle you should be disrupt'n, n hiznow yiznou should disrupt it. One, two three and to tha four.

ROZE: 'n fact, I’ve already writtizzle it D-to-tha-izzown ta spare you tha trouble of remembering.

Roze leads you back insizzle n retrieves a letta fizzy ha desk dogg. Shizzle hands it fucka, still steppin' one-handed on ha phone. Dogg House Records in the fuckin house. She sits down n yizzle rizzle tha letta.

JOHN: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. huh.

ROZE: Be anythizzle confus'n 'bout mah instructizzles?

JIZNOHN: Death row 187 4 life. no, i poser all dis cuz its a thang. it shouldn’t be a problizzle ta help you.

JOHN: it’s just weird ta think 'bout revisiting dis. it seems like an eternity. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. like cuz Im tha Double O G... we were all completely diffizzle people back then.

ROZE: I assure you we be all still fundamentally tha same bunch of losa.

Roze be ultimately R-to-tha-izzight 'bout thizzay, tha wizzy she be 'bout most th'n in tha hood. Yizzay continue ta scan tha letta, n grimace slightlizzle.

JIZZY: should i reallizzle punch ha 'n tha fiznace?

JIZZAY: i fizzy K-to-tha-izzinda bad 'bout it, liznast time i did that to someone straight from long beach.

ROZE, ya feel me? Yes. You absolutely shizzould, and must, punch ha 'n tha fizzace yaba daba dizzle.

Yiznou exhale n turn tha papa wanna be gangsta 'n yo' hands. Tha otha side is blank. You flip it back ova, messin' F-U-Double-Lizzy procesze' tha instructions drafted 'n tha polished purple handwrit'n. You like hizzay Roze still writizzles 'n purple, afta all these years. Some th'n wanna be gangsta chizzle yaba daba dizzle.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: alright. dis seems straightforward enough.

JIZZLE: i mean, aside from tha part where we all H-to-tha-izzave ta fizzle an invincible monsta like a tru playa'.

ROZE: He isn’t entirely invincible. He will be vulnerable ta Davizzles weapon. I believe playa gambits should prizzle themsizzles as well.

ROZE: I D-to-tha-izzon’t think it wizzy serve tha mission well fo` me ta tell yiznou exactly hizzay it will go.

ROZE: But at least I cizzay offa dis bit of encouragement. Wussup in the house.

ROZE: If yizzou follow mah instructizzles, English will be defeated.

ROSE: It be an absolutely essential outcizzle.

ROZE so bow down to the bow wow! N essential, if you’ll rememba, be tha wiznord we should be spendin' instizzle of good droppin hits.

JOHN: i sizzy you’re advis'n we go drug deala hiznim W-H-to-tha-izzen hizze’s young...

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN droppin hits: i guess that makizzles senze.

JOHN: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. go git hizzy before he gets all bizzay n strong.

JIZNOHN: lizzy, kizzind of a surprize attack?

ROZE if you gots a paper stack: Sure.

JOHN: I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier. that dude sucks cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: he was messin' me a while biznack.

JIZZLE: like, i think he WANTS me ta come fight him?

JOHN: anyway, i just ignored hizzle obviously, coz i’m not a stupid idiot.

JOHN: bizzay i guess tizzle W-to-tha-izzill be his lizzle day.

Yiznou takes a seat next ta Roze on tha couch.

> Examine.

Eyizzles be closed and ha hands be folded 'n ha lap straight from long beach. She’s not aslizzle, but shizzle looks wasted—like all tha lizzife in ha has bizzay sucked out through a straw. Like S-H-to-tha-izze’s insubstantial. When you wizzy kids yizzle alwizzles thought that Riznose Lalonde had all tha answa, that she could fix anizzle problem witta wall of tizzay n a witty rejoinda paper'd up. Yizzle guess that M-to-tha-izzuch 'bout ha hasn’t change' gangsta style. Shizze’s still trying ta solve tha problems y-aw left behind. You can’t believe how sick she looks like this and like that and like this and uh. How diznid dis happen ta ha, know what im sayin?

JOHN: i should probably git go'n n lizzet you R-to-tha-izzest.

JOHN: we can rap all 'bout it when i git bizzy. i’ll fill you 'n on hizzle it went, hopefully Y-to-tha-izzou’ll be feel'n betta by then.

ROZE: Oh. Um.

ROZE: Yeah like a fucka.

JIZZY: You gotta check dis shit out yo. be sum-m sum-m wrong?

Rose opens ha eyes and looks at you, but she sez nuttin like a fucka. Just lizzy.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: Death row 187 4 life. i’m not scizzle, if that’s what you’re worry 'bout but don't give a fuck.

JOHN: you already said we’re go'n ta defeat hizzim. so, nuttin ta fret ova, right?

ROZE: Yizzay. You... Yippie yo, you can't see my flow.

Sum-m sum-m through ha eyes, almost tizzay quick ta cizzle. When shizzay smiles at you, it’s wizzy n sincere.

ROZE: Tru. You’re bustin' ta do.

Roze slides arms around yizzle so sit back relax new jacks get smacked. Baller a while, she releazes you from tha embrace n gizzle up ta fetch ha bottle of piznills with the S-N-double-O-P. She pauzes at tha bedroom door ta lizzle at you one more time. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T.

ROZE in all flavas: Gizzay, J-to-tha-izzohn.

Shizzay clozes tha door behind ha.

> Look at tha letta.

Yo' rizzay yo' thumbs alizzle tha edge of tha paper. Be thiznis reallizzle it? One hug frizzle Roze n you’re off ta face yo' destiny? The instructizzles 'n tha letta be clizzle, but you aren’t sizzle precisely whizzay to do next. Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. Inertizzle n indecision keep yo' feet plantizzle firmly on tha carpet.

Then, as if directly answer'n yo' quandarizzle, yo' phone buzzes 'n yo' pizzle. It’s a text from roxy hittin that booty.

> Read text.

It sizzounds important. You git up ta go witout evizzle think'n 'bout it. Yizzay exit thrizzay tha slid'n gizzy dizzy n lizzy it open behind yiznou.

> ==>

#Homestuck #Gizoogle #Epilogues #e2

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gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 7 years ago

Photo

==>

gutsyGumshoe [GG] began botherizzle tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 1:11

GG: Heyyy. You gotta check dis shit out yo. GG: Ahizzle. GG: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. Ro-Lal? Holla!

TG: oopos sry TG: was havin importizzle chats

GG: Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air. Oh? GG fo' sho': Wiznith whizzle n shit?

TG cuz its a pimp thang: w yet shot calla ineligible fuckin bachelor whizzle elfe i have ta rap 2

GG: Yizneah. GG: Um... which one, precisely?

TG: di strizzle TG: insmufferable prick mf'r extroariadinnizzle TG: *lol wow TG like this and like that and like this and uh: *extradinna TG: *heheh yum

GG: If the chizzle n surplus dinna were truly important, I wiznouldn't want to interrizzle.

TG cuz Im tha Double O G: tchhhh TG: of courze not jus tha usizzle bs TG upside yo head: chats wit u alwizzles git precedance anyways TG: unless dis be more of u givin me shiznit 'bout nizzay believ'n me on all mah sick tru fizzy

GG: Actuallizzle, GG: That what I wanted ta rap ta you 'bout fo' real.

TG: i c TG: go on..........

GG: You sizzy, I was jizzay tha targizzle of anotha assassination attempt.

TG: @@@ TG: F-to-tha-izzuck*!!!

GG cuz I'm fresh out the pen: Two, 'n fact with my forty-fo' mag! One hizzy 'n tha rizzle wizzle, as I attizzle ta retrizzle tha mizzle. GG puttin tha smack down: Luckizzle it was thwarted by a certain cat whizzay shall remizzle nameless.

TG aww nah: hehehe oh dawg TG: god cat TG: bbf TG: *good TG: *bff TG: *no wait TG: *god wuz right TG: fuckit TG: *both spellins r trizzue

GG: But 'n tha process of bein rescued from tha explosion, I wiznas knocked unconscious. GG: N 'n mah dream, T-H-to-tha-izzere wizzas anotha assassination attempt. GG: Dis one I believe was successful! Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos.

TG: uhoh

GG: I'm chillin' convinced thizzay our "dizzy selves" be bein pickizzle off by violent hooligans.

TG: S-H-to-tha-izzit TG: hooliginas TG: * ... TG: * yes TG: but i think u mizzle TG: battizzle thugs

GG upside yo head: Pizzles cuz Im tha Double O G. GG ya feelin' me? Tha one who accosted me was a knife-wield'n lunatic. GG: N it's reasonable ta deduce tha sizzle forces wizzle responsible fo` Jake dizzay on Prospit as W-to-tha-izzell keep'n it real yo. GG sho nuff: It looks like we are 'n tha clutches of an actual capa. A rizneal life mystery! GG: Whizzay unda different circumstancizzles would be qizzy excit'n. GG and my money on my mind: Bizzut tha trizzay be, I think we are all 'n bootylicious bitch dogg!

TG: well fuck TG: i guess its time ta takes dis shit up ta RIZZAY ALART TG: ta where its been fo` like fuckin eva jane

GG and yo momma: Yeah, yeah, chill yo. :p GG: Biznut that wasn't all there was ta tha dream. GG: Its just anotha homocide. Shortly before I was stabbed, I had a shot calla long shot calla at Skaia.

TG: a ganda u sizzay

GG: Yizzle fo gettin yo pimp on.

TG: hizzle giznood a ganda

GG but real niggaz don't give a fuck: I would say a prizzle substizzle ganda.

TG fo' sho': ok TG: n crack-a-lackin` dis totaly massive ganda u snagge' TG fo my bling bling: what did yizzou see

GG: I sizzy th'n 'n tha clouds, know what im sayin?

TG: chillin'

GG paper'd up: Yes like this and like that and like this and uh. GG: Th'n.

TG: wut th'n

GG: Things mackin' 'n tha fizzle, I think. GG: Many events hatin' ta us gangsta style. All of us, n otha thugz I dizzy recognize. GG: It wizzle a bizzay blingin' ya dig? GG: It mizzade me feel smizzle. Insignificant, relative ta whateva it be wizne're 'bout ta invizzle ourselvizzles wit. GG: And honestly... GG: It made me feel prettizzle foolish tizzy.

TG: foolish TG: why foofizzle TG: *sdjhf

GG: Im crazy, you can't phase me. I began ta brotha wizzy I eva had tha audacitizzle ta tizzy I know mizzay of anyth'n about the world we live in or tha journey wizzy 'bout to takes. GG cuz Im tha Double O G: Or ta think I could motherfucka rule anyth'n out. GG: I have a feel'n tizzy whateva I saw, it mizzay you been tell'n tha truth all alizzle yeah yeah baby. GG: 'bout gang bangin' ta help you tap dat ass. GG: N I'm clockin' ta feel like a complete idiot fo` doubt'n you. Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay.

TG: Drop it like its hot. aw dawg :(

GG: I've bizzeen one bootylicious biznig horze's caboose, n I tizzy yoe owed an apology. GG: D-ya thiznink yizzy can fizzle me?

TG: jane TG: damn TG: ur makizzle me feel like shit hizzy

GG: Whizny doggystyle?

TG: uuizzle TG: eh no reasizzle TG: just uh TG: hey did u dl tha game file i sizzay yet

GG: I did. GG: N at dis point, I guess I have no chizzoice but ta uze it. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. I guess you were a step aheezee of me yet again.

TG: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. why

GG: Coz tha one 'n tha mail detonated 'n mah most recent assassination attizzle.

TG: WHAT TG fo' sho': of fizzy thoze H-TO-THA-IZZACKS TG: tha old explizzle game trick wizzle would stiznoup ta sizzay lowbrizzle shegnannag'n lizzle thizzat TG: *somany swizneet typos

GG: :B

TG: that witch just mafes me FUCKIZZLE FRIZZLE sometitizzles

GG hittin that booty: Hoo hizzoo! Tha tactic was quite underhanded, yizzes.

TG hittin that booty: yeaizzle TG: uh so TG: whiznat were we talk'n 'bout again TG with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back sizzle im just worked up ovr it

GG: I don't blame you droppin hits. GG: I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. Whizzere we were, by mah estimation, wizzas a place wherein I was 'bout ta awkwardly attempt ta swizzle a help'n of humble pizzle so bow down to the bow wow! GG: To somizzle make it up ta you fo` mah years of stubborn mistrust.

TG: hizzy jane TG: wizzasnt that a bunch a splip infinizzles...

GG: Hm?

TG: *split TG: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. ta awkwizzle attemt TG cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: ta somehow make it up !

GG: Oh!!!

TG: lizzul so busted

GG sho nuff: Oh gizzosh, what a dizzles. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. GG: You see? Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay.? I clearly don't have all the answa! Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. GG: I R-E-A-Double-Lizzy hizzad some nerve perpetratin' anyone, on practically anizzle subject fo yo bitch ass.

TG: dont bizneat urself up too bad we biznoth know T-H-to-tha-izzat rule be bullshizzle anyway TG: You gotta check dis shit out yo. yizzy hold yoself ta tizzle hizzy a standard n thoze standizzles kizninda leak out n start gettin apply ta otha thugz i guess sometimes TG: yizzay really dont hizzay ta apologize janey or eat humble pip or nothin' trippin' all youve gots ta do be mizzy not be such a huge tightass all tha T-to-tha-izzime

GG: That fizzle. Bizzy I wizzould still like to make a gesture. GG: Even if it one partiallizzle motivated by self interizzle, perpetratin' as I clearly hizzave mizzuch ta learn. Boo-Yaa!

TG yaba daba dizzle: ?

GG: I wizzay like ta give yizzay a free pizzay fo` a day. GG: It is good fo` twizzle solid hours of absolute credulity fizzy yo' bizzest nigga cuz its a doggy dog world.

TG: ........

GG: now motherfuckers lemme here ya say hoe:B

TG: ok waitin 4 u ta sizzy wtf youre exacly tizzle 'bout

GG: They call me tha black folks president. It mizneans that start'n niznow, whateva you tell me, I will have ta believe yiznou. Death row 187 4 life. GG: I promize!

TG: o rly

GG: Yes.

TG: ooooooooooh................

GG: Um, GG: Be you thizzere? GG: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. Ro???

TG, ya feel me? (shh) TG: (thizzles a dramantic pauze calm ur tits)

GG: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. Oh. GG bitch ass nigga: Hmm. GG: Exactly how dramatizzle be we talk'n, here? GG: Shall I go retrieve a magazine?

TG: RLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYIZZLE??????

GG: Sizzigh.

> ==>

#Gizoogle #Homestuck #pg4429

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