#and im honestly very sad about this because i have tried to fix it but mom gave up on him way to fast and she ultimately has the most power

[r144l3r]

actually us not being able to take care of my cat and having to rehome him is my villain origin story

[rainyobservationperson]

I had a merthur fic idea that it's keeping me awake at night and I just had to write it down (METHUR PROMPT)

OK, so hear me out. What if merlin after having lived 1500+ years has forgot Camelot?

Like not the idea of Camelot, he knows what happened and knows it's true, but like the specifics are blurry. He suddenly can't remember how did the castle looked, or what was the name of the cook, things that, to him made all of the experience, personal. But it gets worse, he can't remember the face of his mother, or Gaius's voice, he can't remember Arthur, so he panics.

He has had SO MUCH TIME, and so he has studied a lot about his magic, most of it through trial and error and personal experimentation, because most of the magics in the world have already vanished, so he tries to create a new spell, to make himself remember, fearing that he won't recognize Arthur when he came back.

This new spell is meant to help him remember, relive if you will, the memories that he lost. He pours every bit of knowledge into this project, practicing with very advance Alzheimer patients (because of course Merlin is a doctor, and a chemist, and a profesor... he has had time alright) and he makes a lot of progress. He spends years into this, but the progress is too little, he can make an Alzheimer patient remember up to 10 years in the best of the cases, but he has lived thousands, 10 years was virtually nothing.

Frustrated, and honestly more than a little drunk, and sad, he decides to wing it, he shouts the spell sobbing and uses all of the magic that he can, begs the gods to listen and he also threatens them for good mesure and then he passes out.

Basically he time travels, but he DOES NOT KNOW THAT. He thinks the spells work so fantastically he is having a really fucking amazing lucid dream of sorts, he doesn't remember the specifics so he can't know that he is not exactly following his original steps.

So we have a homesick Merlin running around Camelot, way to happy just to be there and maybe a bit high on magic (because of course in the past there's so much more magic than he's grown used to with the years).

Obviously shenanigans ensue, a 21 century mind in a medieval setting, a wizard that is used to using his powers regularly because nobody believed in magic anyways, a doctor with modern techniques, a slightly shortsighted profesor who is use to wearing reading glasses, a lovesick idiot who forgot the face of his first and most true love... He does something (I am yet to figure that part out) and make a big change in the course of the events and finally finds out that he timetraveled and that he is probably fucking up history for good, and tries to fix it maybe.

That's basically the basis of the idea, I think there a lot of possibilities this could go and I really love it. I wanted to write it here so if anybody wanted to write something with this idea or expand on it it could be fun

English is not my first language so im sorry if I made a mistake. Pls let me know what you think about it. I might expand this with more head canons later.

[wonton4rang]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

pairing: bnd x reader.

warnings: none?

summary: bnd as charlie puth songs. broken heart/ broke up ver.

note: i might do a "in love" and "sex" (just the legal line ofc) version for this because i really vibe w charlie's songs and they really fit bnd's vibe for me !! pd. I just changed my phone and idk how to use it properly yet (literally changed it today) so im apologizing in advance if this looks odd 😔

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

sungho; i don't think that i like her

i can physically hear his voice through the whole song, it's not a want is a need that i have to get a full cover by him. i just feel like the whole "i loved you and gave you all of me just to be let down, used and discarded because i'm not 'your type', but i still try cause i wanna love someone" vibe fits him way too much. he's so soft and loving, i feel like his heart might be broken often because he wants something serious and girlies just wanna fuck him :'(

riwoo; hero / dangerously

i feel like he would be so into you, looking for your true self, which you apparently only were when you were alone with him. the whole "don't pressure yourself so much, i'm here for you" and getting a "i don't need a hero, i don't want to be saved" situation fits him so much. you can tell he is kinda mad at you because of that but he forgets when you kiss him to sleep that same night. also, dangerously could fit him because i feel like he would give himself up to just focus on you instead and then end up broken because of it.

jaehyun; that's not how this works

regrettably i see jaehyun as a huge simp, this means that even though you guys are not dating or together anymore, he would let you come back over and over, enjoying your company but feeling so empty the next day when you say "i hate you so much, i gotta go", and what's funny is that you would hit him up and he'll be like "you know that's not how this works, y/n, please make up your mind" just to let you come over again.

taesan; smells like me / loser

okay hear me out i feel like taesan would be so cocky about a break up, hoping you never forget him because you broke his heart, but i also feel like he would be so sad about losing you and would put the blame on himself for letting you go. so "i hope your jacket smells like me" and "how'd i let her go?" would be the lines i find very likely to come out of his mouth or just him thinking like that.

leehan; that's hilarious

he would be so offended if you ever left him for someone else or cheated on him or just did some shit and then tried to comeback omg. he would literally go "are you being fr??" because there was no way you were trying to get things fixed after fucking him up like that. he would laugh at your face and call you a 'joke', asking you if your brain is working properly because ain't no way you think he would still want you after the things you put him through.

woonhak; cheating on you

he is definitely the type to fall in love once and for all to me. maybe is because he's young but he has this picky vibe that makes me feel like he would have a crush on someone specific, date you because he would never give you up, and honestly? it’s woonhak, who would say no? and when you two broke up he felt so empty and alone that his mind couldn't process it. he would obviously try to fill the blank only to notice that when he is with some other girl, he feels like he's cheating on you because for him it was always you, and only you.

[mngo-jii]

MC's always so happy and cheerful ☹️ i wonder how everyone would react to her suddenly being a lot more gloomy than usual. could be either romantic or platonic hcs!

“ WHAT’S UP WITH YOU ? ”

characters: daniel page, lottie turner, ivy warrington, robyn thistlethwaite, kevin farrell, cassandra vole + frey twins

letter ✉️: good morning (for those who have the same time zone as i do) for some reason this didn't post and remained on queue 😐.. these might be a little ooc im sorry

★ DANIEL PAGE

he’s the first to notice the way you’re acting.

next to his concern is likely astonishment because he had never seen you this... miserable before

he’s like thats my job!!!

eventually he gets tired of seeing you so gloomy like there's a raincloud over your head, he drags you somewhere that would cheer you up, like maybe a trip to hogsmeade or a shopping spree at madam malkin’s robes.

and he’ll pay for it allll. he’ll get a little annoyed if you insist him that its ok

he watches you the entire time and takes note of how slowly the way you react or behave evolves back to your usual self

but if it’s something a simple trip won’t fix, then expect him to force the reason out of you

he doesn’t mean to be a bit pushy, he’s just so worried and can’t stand the sight of you so sad anymore 😭

you never knew he’d be caught in a position like this but here you are sobbing in his arms

he won’t say much other than a few advice here and there, but he shushes you so gently and coos at you while running his hands through your hair

very relieved once youre better 💯 but don’t tease him for cheering you up or he won’t do this ever again (he definitely will)

he tells you a sad expression doesn’t fit a (pretty) face like yours

★ LOTTIE TURNER

she’s also one of the first to notice after daniel

unlike daniel who’d wait when you two are alone, she asks the second she notices, even during a conversation amongst the group that has nothing to do with you

“[MC] are you okay???” she asks, concern lacing her voice. she interrupted someone when she asked that but it doesn’t matter 😭

why?? because youre sad. and its usually you who comforts them

so this is obviously a very serious problem

she’s very sweet and unlike daniel she'll leave you alone after the 2nd time of you refusing to talk about it, and instead would ask what she can do to comfort you

if you don’t refuse but rather completely break down in front of her, she panics and instantly rushes to pull you in a hug

“oh no no no don't cry im sorry-”

“i don't know what to do im sorry :((”

rocks you back and forth in the hug like a small child and wipes your tears with her thumbs :')

hours later she’s presenting you a little sketch of you and her in some flower field with smiley faces and ‘no sad’ written above

★ IVY WARRINGTON

also doesn’t notice AT FIRST until a little while later or when lottie points it out

strokes the top of your head like you're a cat 😭 “what's wrong, [MC]? :(”

brings you things like maybe flowers, small trinkets, biscuits, and pastries in hopes of cheering you up

honestly can’t function properly knowing you're sad

her mood would switch the moment she remembers you during times she'd usually be really happy and go “[MC] is sad right now :/”

nonstop talks about you, rlly worried

kind of tries to guess why you're sad like

“maybe they’re sad because [some random reason at this point because of the amount of times she tried to guess]”

will give you the best hugs if you let her

“we’ll always be here for you :)”

she squeezes you a bit before letting you go

★ ROBYN THISTLETHWAITE

is a bit awkward about it when she notices but shes rlly worried

“hey.. a-are you okay?” she places her hand on your shoulder when she sees how down you are

also a little astonished like daniel and only now did she realize that this was your first time ever being this way

because usually you were the one helping and looking out for them

kind of feels bad when she realizes that 😞 and also a little guilty

she tells the others about this guilt and eventually it kind of spreads

makes an entire plan with the others like “mission cheer up [MC]”

she’s gonna pop up randomly out of nowhere, like constantly, and will show you something you’d probably like

“hey! hey, [MC]! check out what i got! pretty cool, right?”

“yes its cool i guess 🙁”

“😟”

she tries her best 😭 it’s a little overwhelming but u can’t say it isn’t endearing how much she’s desperately trying to cheer you up

★ KEVIN FARRELL

a little too immersed with other things to notice for a while, but he catches on when someone points it out

doesn’t know what to do 🧍🏻‍♀️

kind of just lets the others take care of you but he gets rlly guilty about it 😭😭

robyn would drag him to help her cheer you up, and he’d comply quite easily because its the most he can do

he’s just as desperate as robyn too

doing your own things silently and having to predict which one of them is gonna pop up is like playing fnaf or something

he slowly starts to see that their efforts aren’t working and tries to convince robyn to do something else

he rlly wants to comfort you himself because he knows its the best course of action at this point, but he’s also a little awkward 😭

now he feels guilty about that TOO ☠️

when robyn pointed out you were always there for them he was guilty. when he just stood aside and let the others work it out he was guilty. now he feels guilty because his friend is literally SAD but he’s too awkward to go up to them 😭

he rlly worries about u, he rlly does! pls dont take it that he doesnt 😞

★ CASSANDRA VOLE

side eyes you

“can any of you little rascals tell me why they’re doing that ?”

“doing what...”

“doing that.”

gets annoyed because you dont react at all when she’s there 😭 as in you’re so stoic-faced and miserable it doesnt feel real

is very deep in thought as she stares at you from a distance

she doesnt wanna admit shes worried about you but she definitely could not stand you ‘looking like that’ anymore

glowers at your friends’ ‘useless efforts’ on cheering you up

life gets boring for her because you honestly dont care anymore, and your other friends are too busy with you to pay attention to her or the twins

eventually she just gives in

“i’ll show you all how it’s done”

after classes you return to your dorm to see a gift wrapped in gold on your bed with a letter beside it

when you open it, it’s something that you’ve been wanting for a really really long time but couldn’t afford :') how did she know about it? well it’ll remains mystery

“you look hideous with that look on your face. wipe it off. - C.V”

while the letter could have been nicer, she means well, but she wont admit it

★ bonus: THE TWINS

really REALLY confused and salty 😭 they’re probably the most confused of the bunch

while robyn and kevin desperately try to cheer you up at the most random times, they don’t rlly stop being pricks randomly for a while

it’s not to make you feel worse it’s just to desperately get to see you react like how you used to 😭

life gets boring for them too. like i said, the others are also too worried about you to pay attention to them

fischer will just go “pshh. whatever. let’s go” and marches away

but colby approaches your friends. “aye, what’s going on with them? 😒”

they’re taken aback and go like “why would you care”

he scowls at them and says that he doesnt that he just wants to know

they dont tell him and it makes him more salty

dont expect them to do anything they just keep their distance for a while until you feel better ☠️ you dont know if they do it out of niceness or because theyve gotten bored but wtv

[mystarsohee]

AAAA ANOTHER KPOP AGERE ACC HELLO ! i was wondering maybe could u write anything for cg!eunseok? （/｡＼) maybe he plans an outing but his tiny is too shy to go out when small? thank u !!!

don't you worry

genre: fluff, like a pinch of angst

its springtime, the weathers nice, and theres a new dessert place down the road eunseok wants to visit. just one thing, you're feeling a bit too shy.

!!! non-sexual agere, only cg name used is seokie.

cg!eunseok gn!reader

eunseok aimlessly scrolls on his phone, while his other hand softly massages your head. a cartoon plays on the tv, which has kept you entertained for the past thirty minutes. you enjoy moments like this. comfortable silence, with affection from eunseok.

during his doom-scroll, he stumbles across a recommended post on his feed. "Memories Café, now open! Serving an assortment of cakes, churros, and pastries!" he looks down at you. he knows very well how much you love desserts. like, love desserts. eunseok knows you're going to enjoy the cute café. so, he saves the post and looks up the location. its on the next block! checking the time, its almost lunch time.

"baby, its almost time to eat lunch. what're you feeling today?"

too focused on the colorful show playing, you shrug. honestly you don't know what to eat. eunseok makes a move to get up, probably to reheat the leftovers from last nights cooking session together.

you're right, as you hear the microwave start. you get up to follow, and be good by helping set the table. you watch eunseok take the food out.

"thank you seokie!" you happily say to him.

"you're very welcome sweetheart. oh, i wanted to show you something!" he pulls out his phone, and opens the post showing the café.

"cute right?"

"oh yes, very cute. lets go some time seokie!"

the both of you continue to eat your food as you giggle together about various things. eunseok always enjoys spending time with you, creating moments neither of you will forget. he admires you while you slightly tease him for the sauce on his cheek. wait-

"huh? sauce?" he wipes his face while you laugh at him.

after your meal together, you play for some time while eunseok cleans up the table. after he finishes, he comes and joins you in the living room.

"hey my baby, are you up for a walk? we can go get some dessert? you've been so good lately, i think you deserve it. the weathers so nice too!" he says to you. you have to say yes right?

"uhhhh.." you think for a moment. "not really seokie.."

"oh? you don't want any dessert? thats a first." eunseok is stunned. you've never denied dessert! even if you finished all of your dinner, which usually makes you full, you'd still happily munch on some sweet treats. he makes a face at you, not to tease you or anything of that sort. just because you don't usually react this way!

you see his face, and your heart drops. he looks disappointed. you didn't want to make him upset! you quickly jump up and abandon the toys you were playing with.

"seokie.. don't be sad! im sorry." you say, cupping his face, the same way eunseok would when you were sad.

"hm? im not sad baby, im just a bit confused. you love dessert and going on walks!" he says, fixing his face now realizing how it came off wrong. his heart warms, seeing you mimick his strategies to comfort you onto him. he gives you a kiss right on the nose, and you smile a bit.

"i do want dessert.." you slowly start. eunseok looks at you, awaiting your response. you stuff your face into his chest. he hears some mumbles coming from you, but is unable to decipher it.

"use your words my love." he tries to get you to confess whats on your mind. softly rubbing your back, you move your face back into his view.

"only wanna see you seokie.." immediately you shove your face back into the warmth that is his chest. eunseok understands now!

"oh is that it? my tiny baby is feeling shy, and just wants seokie. i get it!" he says, like a light bulb lit up inside his brain! he explains to you that the two of you can go another day, and to not feel bad because the café will be open for a long time! after some more hugs, and a few reassuring words, you start to drift off.

eunseok carries you like a feather, your seokie is just so strong! you feel yourself being placed on the bed. a nap would be nice right now.. you think to yourself as you slowly transition into dreamland.

lucky for eunseok, you're quite the heavy sleeper! when he accidentally drops a loud pan while you're sleeping, you're still out like a light! when he accidentally screams while playing a video game, you don't even budge. he uses this to his advantage, and decides to see how fast he can run to the café, get some treats, and come back. he doesn't worry as much, since you know to facetime him whenever you wake up and hes not in the room. the two of you prefer facetime much more than regular calls, or texts.

before he puts his shoes on, he quickly runs to give you a kiss before he leaves.

"don't you worry my love. i'll be back before you know it. i love you." he whispers, hoping you get the message despite the fact you're sound asleep. grabbing his phone and wallet, hes out the door.

he started to jog, enjoying the nice day and a chance to get some exercise in while in the process of making his baby happy. whatever hes doing, as long as its for you, he would be the happiest man ever while doing it. as he approached Memories Café, he stopped to take a small breather. the jog was nothing to him, as it took quite literally less than 5 minutes to get there.

walking inside, the place had cute art and decor all around. he could just imagine watching you look at all of the cute decorations, you were easily fascinated. the barista called out next, signaling it was his turn to order.

he looked at the menu briefly, already knowing what you'd enjoy.

"hey uh, can i get 2 churros, 2 strawberry shortcake slices, oh, and an iced coffee. a to go order by the way." eunseok ordered. the barista completed his order, and gave him a ticket labeled "7" as well as his receipt.

standing around for a few minutes, and taking some photos to show you, he heard the barista call out his number. the order was packaged nicely in a cute pastel colored bag, oh he knew you'd think that was the most adorable thing in the world (we all know the most adorable thing is you) the iced coffee is placed next to it. taking another photo of it, he picks the food up, thanks the barista, and is on his way out.

afraid of ruining the food, eunseok walks home instead of jogs and checks his phone incase you notified him that you were awake.

the walk back took a little less than 10 minutes, and he entered your home. he set the bag and his iced coffee down on the table, and searched for any sign of you being awake. not noticing any, he heads towards the bedroom. in a slightly different position, but still very much asleep, he joins you on the bed. wanting you to sleep for a little longer, he opens his phone and decides to post the photo he took of the bag onto his social media. captioned "for my 💗"

you start to stir, probably because you sensed his return. you turned towards him, and opened your eyes slowly. a smile appeared on your face,

"hi seokie" you say, still a bit drowsy from your slumber.

"hey love. good sleep?" you nod and hum in agreement. the both of you cuddle for a bit, until you were ready to get out of bed. the time was in between lunch and dinner now, so he lead you towards the kitchen.

"i got you something baby, its on the table." he reveals. your face lights up, and you start to walk a bit faster to the table. you gasp, its a bag with the logo of that café eunseok showed you!

"seokie!!!! you got me dessert!" you look back at him with a smile, but hes already smiling down at you.

"yup. we can eat it together, just us two! i bought two of everything." he smiles even more, and pulls out a chair for you. grabbing the food in the bag, you gasp again. these desserts look so yummy!

"churro or cake? you can have one now and eat the other after dinner later." he gives you an option, since he doesn't want you to be too full when dinnertime comes around.

why did he give you the hardest decision ever? ultimately, you decide on the cake. eunseok hands it to you, and you thank him with another smile on your face.

he grabs one of the churros for himself, and you both take a bite of your desserts. a mutual "mmmm" after tasting how delicious they were!

"you wanna bite?" eunseok says, with some churro still in his mouth. you nod while swallowing the bite of your cake currently in your mouth. he picks up the other end of the churro, and lines it up with your mouth so that you're both eating a side! you think this is hilarious, so you giggle after biting a piece.

the two of you share more bites and laughs, knowing that maybe next time, you'll be up for a walk to the café. but for now, eunseok is willing to give up some quiet time, all to make you happy.

author note: my first request!!! i hope this lives up to what you had in mind when requesting :3 i think this scenario is so cutee!!!!! agh now im lowk obsessed with cg!eunseok .. as always, feedback is appreciated 💕

[lovelystarg1rll]

Horikoshi is a professional mind fucker, he could be a virgin yet the way he writes fucks with the mind, I'M A VICTIM.

Endeavor s1, 2,3,4 = Referred to as a complete ASSHOLE, pushed his beliefs on his son (Horikoshi sucked his cock enough to make him nicer in the backstories) every piece of information we are given about this man in these seasons are that he's a dick, he fucked up his only family and then switched up once he became number one, or when he knew he'd be number one, it's honestly fuckin sad, and then in seasons 5,6,7 we see this always gentle, good helping guy, "çharacter development—" SHUT UP, WHAT SHOTO HAS IS DEVELOPMENT EVEN IF IT'S FUCKING SPEEDED ALONG.

Rei = She agreed and was sold off but when you're raised to be a of use to your family or to save your family and you don't really care, Rei has spoken up, she's tried, but she never has a position of power, she can't speak like she should but only could when Enji was in a hospital bed, she was in a mental hospital from the time she scarred Shoto to when he was in highschool, I'm sorry for to be there that long is horrendous and to be put in the same placement as the man that would hit you when you defended your children and hit those children and hit YOU in front of those children, baby I'd go insane too, "Oh but when she married Endeavor she knew-" If she knew she wouldn't defend her children, and she expected them to be raised into heroes but by beating them around the age of five and six was not in the review.

Bakugou = This is where the tomatoes come, and it's completely normal to like him even if I don't, he's a dick, all three seasons he's a dick, he simmers down because all mights retirement humbled him, it's not bad to give a downright dick a bad arc so you can put him through hell and fix him, that's not bad, but admit he was a bully, admit he's downright disrespectful a majority of times, the way he only gets nice to Midoriya is when they drag his ass to U. A, I hate hearing his inner dialogue about Midoriyas situation, if being a bitch until you need to be nice is character development then I'm not for it, and I don't mind when characters who are dicks get kindness but we have him dragging Midoriya and suddenly it's them against the world.

Shoto, poor Shoto, see he's very solid then he breaks apart, like ice that melts when hell is on him, no Im alluding to his parents And his connection with them, Shoto despite having a grudge is right through and through, his father drove his mom insane and then she was in a mental hospital, his rebelling is not wrong, it could be seen as him trying to oppose the abuser yet makes him slightly feel that he has to stop using fire for a bit until his mom is like it's all fine and you do you babes, he's always been a snark to Bakugou so it's really stupid to make him the resident punching bag, "Oh but Shoto sees Bakugou as a friend—" THAT'S FINE HOWEVER THIS TAKES AWAY HIS CHARACTERIZATION OF SEASONS 1,2,3 AND MAYBE 4, Bakugou being high and mighty only for Shoto be like fuck out of my way.

Hawks = I almost tricked my mind, he looks good but he's murdered twice and I'm saying that I don't give a FUCK about what Twice could have done, shit, I just don't like the fact they became friends and he just betrayed Twice, it's like if time came and you both are friends and he's hired to kill you for some reason, mf will kill you, he's tainted by the hero commission and it's sad, because his dreams were the advantage, he realizes that over time, he didn't kill just anyone that was a friend and that is backstabbing and then instead of him still seeing what he did as the right thing, just let him have conflict like a normal person unless we're revealed that he's a sociopath, I don't hate him but the anti tag makes me feel comfortable.

[ionlyseedaylight]

I'm tired of people invalidating Colin's feelings, especially in regards to lady whistledown. Colin literally had every right to be mad and hurt by Penelope's actions. It's crazy how polin stans just expect him to just get over it instantly and be lovey dovey with Penelope and having sex non-stop. Honestly, the way Colin reacted was very realistic and not just him being dramatic as yall like to claim. Penelope kept making the situation worse by refusing to give up whistledown knowing damn well that she was putting not only herself in danger but all of the bridgertons as well. Also, Penelope not once tried to fix the situation with Colin, but instead, she played victim when this was entirely her mess to begin with. Im glad that Penelope finally owned up to her shit in the end.

I’m not saying that he didn’t have a right to be mad, or hurt. Of course he had a right to be upset. Colin is my favorite character on the show, and I’m not trying to invalidate his feelings at all. Penelope isn’t perfect, and she has made mistakes. I’m only saying that I wish we had more scenes of them together, and it’s not just sex scenes that I’m talking about. I knew there was going to be angst, and of course it can’t just be all and well like nothing happened. I was just kinda sad that the resolving was rushed at the end. I wish there could have been atleast more scenes of them making up, and just more scenes with them together in general because this was their season. That is only my opinion.

[mr-payjay]

feel free to complain to me about the ii finale <3 i'm all ears

thank you ellie :)

fair warning for ii neg, especially on the latest episode.

prefacing this with saying: I LOVE INANIMATE INSANITY!!!!!! inanimate insanity is my favourite show in the world and every episode leaves me full of joy and excitement. i adore criticizing it not out of hatred but out of genuine love. i enjoy every single episode i watch.

however, i find that iii19 has been the worst episode so far. it has gotten me the least hyped out of any episode in the series, which is saying a lot because i bounce off the walls at every episode no matter how much i end up criticizing it later. there are. so many problems i have with it. im gonna try and organize them the best i can, though i'll probably(?) edit this post later to insert anything i missed or forgot to say.

starting off positively: oj!!!! personally i am so glad he didn't talk in this episode. i was terrified of the idea of him having a new va. the spin was adorable, i loved his signature thumbs ups, and every time i saw him i squealed with delight. him voting for balloon also made me really happy! despite the grudge he's had against him for so long, he still sticks with him on this part. even after laughing at his death the episode before that

in general all the seasonwunners voted for balloon!! which makes me happy!!! paintbrush, nickel, balloon, and oj have all been there for the very beginning of season 1, three of them being there for every season. i love the inherent connection the contestants from season 1 have with each other. they've been together since inanimate insanity began and they're there for the end of season 3 too. very sweet.

onto more negative stuff! I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE WHAT THEY DID WITH SILVER SPOON AND CANDLEEE they set up something crazy in the last episode and then did NOTHING with it!!! they had silver spoon beat candle unconscious the second she said something that wasn't coddling him like the manchild he is and she STILL voted for him. where even was she for half of the episode?? they just left her lifeless corpse on the ground in iii18 and then she eventually got up in this episode and just. went back to the competition??? dogshit writing

okay now i wanna talk about cabby. I Don't Like Cabby Anymore. so from the very beginning i have loved cabby. she was extremely similar to me in fact! i have really bad memory issues and i tend to keep files on people and on things that i might forget about, as well as just to organize my thoughts and ideas. i loved her confidence, obsession with knowledge, and analytical personality at the start. i was pretty upset when the characters (mostly test tube lmao) started relentlessly bullying her, and i HATE the whole thing in spring on the breakfast where they try to demonize her files. it was kind of annoying when they tried to remedy it really quickly after that because it was clearly because of the backlash, but i was glad they at least tried to fix it. however, over the course of the series, she just felt like she was... becoming sadder? pitiful, honestly? she went from an awesome smart character who loved taking notes on people's behaviour and using that information to get better at the game into some kind of Sad Little Bullied Victim. she doesn't even feel like a character anymore to me, just a mouthpiece for the creators to write dramatic "cathartic" speeches through to prove they're Definitely Not Ableist. also what was the deal with her parents lmao they never brought that up again

aaaand this episode was generally written really badly. super fucking corny for one. they literally had a little dance party at the end like people make jokes about for stereotypical Kids' Shows. but my issue is more with like... the weird super fast character development? and the way they wrapped everything up as quickly as possible? something that bothered me was the tonal whiplash between zuwie voicing springy super hysterically and dramatically and then springy being fully redeemed within like the next 5 minutes and dying for mephone. Why did they even die for mephone. like as a character why would he of all people die for mephone. thats so fucking stupid. the rest of the voice acting felt completely different from springy's as well so it just made the effect worse. everyone's lines were really corny and felt so manufactured, like they would pull characters to mephone's side (losing my mind over all the contestants rooting for mephone like cmon man that guy sucks i just know oj at least would want him dead) with a short Cathartic Speech and everything would be fixed and lovely and peachy keen. its just painful to watch. everything feels really weirdly disjointed and badly put together, the flow is awful, the "danger" doesn't feel like there's any suspense to it at all, and every character gets fully redeemed for no good reason. even walkie talkie chats casually with mephone at the end as if they're good friends after they were HYSTERICALLY INSISTING ON MURDERING HIM? AND MAKING HIM WATCH HIS OWN DEATH?? idk if this will get explained in s2 but we still don't know who walkie talkie is, what their motive is, WHY they got redeemed, etc. we know nothing about them. and even if it will be explained later, i think it's shitty writing that NOTHING was explained in this season.

some extra stuff

- SO FUCKING GLAD THEY DIDN'T BRING HOTEL OJ INTO THIS I WOULD'VE CRIED IF THEY PUT SEASON 3 CHARACTERS INTO HOTEL OJ OR MADE IT ALL SLEEK AND S3 STYLE

- the "you can do this" thing at the end was fucking stupid man that was so corny (btw corny isn't always bad but jesus christ... this episode was just awful with it)

- could not feel any emotion towards the Emotional Parts but laughter and secondhand embarrassment

- HOW DID THEY GET THE FUNDING FOR A LIBRARY? I THOUGHT THE PROBLEM WAS THAT MEPHONE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING FOR A PRIZE HOW DID HE PAY FOR AN ENTIRE LIBRARY

- speaking of, why isn't oj back at the hotel. doesn't he have to manage it. wasn't paper having a ton of trouble managing it. why are all of them still on that fuckass island. did the library take like 5 minutes to build what the fuck

- ALSO!!! Why did they build a library in the middle of a deserted island

- i liked the short nickloon scene because im a nicklooner

- glad yinyang and candle got to talk

- test tube saying nearly nothing at all the entire episode except for sitting on the ground in a really stupid pose and apologizing to cabby made me laugh

- weirded out by tt and fan not talking to each other at all? not as a ship thing but like they're best friends aren't they

- really fucking annoyed by the fantube family picture at the end i hate fantube family leave that grown ass adult (bot) alone

- glad they didn't canonize any ships i was so scared about silvercandle and fantube

- 4s scene and s1 flashback was cool i love s1 so i got excited

- aaaaand i think my misogyny thread is relevant again. i should update it sometime because ii has only gotten worse about it lmao

- didn't like them making clover stupid for some reason like "is he talking about me?" come on

- oj not talking in these last two episodes is so glaringly unusual because he's never been able to shut his fucking mouth for even a minute

[lifmera]

hi mera!! i hope you’re having a lovely day! could i please request a hazbin hotel, chainsaw man, and twisted wonderland matchup if it isn’t too much?

pronouns | she/they

preference | it doesn’t matter!

personality | very shy, but once i’m comfortable with you i become very chaotic! i tend to be mean affectionately when i get comfortable and just say what’s on my mind without much thought cause i know i can trust you. i am the type of the person to tell you if what you’re doing could get you hurt or in trouble in some way. i’m also very big about honesty so it’s rare that i ever tell a lie, especially to people close to me. hence why i want people to be straight up and not lie to me. not very big on people i don’t know well touching me, but if you’re close to me you can hug me if you’d like.

when i’m frustrated or angry, it happens often but it’s never truly that deep. like i’ll be angry but it won’t be for long. i do lash out at people, but it is often not just one thing that caused me to do it, it’s a build of of things over time.

being sad is just the same way, it builds up over time until it boils over. i cry a lot when i’m sad, same with when i’m angry, because i don’t know where to let out my emotions.

appearance | my hair color changes often, but right now it’s blue and purple! my hair cut is a wolf cut with bangs! i’m very pale with pale blue eyes and i’m about “5’3” to “5’4” in height! my style is grunge or alt, but i like to keep it simple! so just cargo pants, a plain t-shirt, and some high tops and jacket will do!

hobbies | archery, writing, reading, drawing, collecting, gaming

likes | 80s music, vampiric aesthetics, victorian fashion, cats

dislikes | bugs, spiders, thunder, loud noises, arguing

lil extras | istp | pisces

i’m a very all over the place person so i hope this is okay! thank you! <3

HI HUN!!! IM SORRY THIS IS SO LATE. IM TRYING 😭🩷

I’ve decided to pair you with…. CHARLIE, DENJI & MALLEUS

Pretty wide variety… i know!

She LOVES your personality once you start to become comfortable.

She loves to be chaotic with you. Shes just a chaotic energy in total.

She’d love if you kept her AND other people out of trouble! Thats why she loves you so much :)

Shes also huge about honesty. Did you see what happened with vaggie!

She understands boundaries. Although she’s probably huge on touch, I feel like she wouldn’t do anything unless you initiated it.

When you lash out, she tries to help you not bottling up your emotions, and talking to her anytime something happened, she’ll love to hear whats going on.

She loves your outfits and your hair!! She thinks its super unique, and would say “opposites attract”

DENJI

Chaotic trio w power!!

If you playfully are mean to him he’ll do the same. I also think he’d try to bite you as a joke. Like chomp chomp.

Hes HUGE on honesty. Like what happened with makima…? Yikes..

Please help him stay out of trouble. He’s always doing something hella nuts or putting himself in danger. Although most of the times he prob won’t listen, he might!!

I think he might be a little annoying, so it’ll make you get angry, but if you talked about it to him.. 100% he’ll try to fix it!

Loves how u look. Honestly probably fell for you bc of it!!

He would probably game with you. And he’d enjoy it so much and be like.. “could you teach me…”

Teach him all your hobbies. PLEASE. HE’D LOVE TO DO IT ALL. He’ll suck butt at drawing and painting but please. It’d be so fun.

He’ll kill all the bugs for you <3

I honestly think at first he’d be scared of thunder, but he’d start to like it, and help you!!

MALLEUS

Definitely found out abt you thru Lilia. Lilia approached you cus of your style and was like… we need to be bsfs.

He’s also pretty quiet, but when you get comfortable around him, he’d LOVE how chaotic you are.

I think he HATES when people are too uptight. And will look to you for a break!!

Malleus might be a frustrating partner since he seems closed off, but i promise its just cause he doesn’t have friends and he needs to learn :(

He’d be so happy to find out the reason you were shy at first is bc you’re awkward and you aren’t scared of him like everyone else.

He’d be fine with whatever you did to him. Honestly if you lash out at him, he’d be a little taken aback but he’d let you let all your emotions out, and try to help you through it all.

I also think he’d suck at art. At first. I think he’d pick it up super quickly. He’s pretty good at everything.

I think at first he’d also suck at comforting but after a while he’d be super great at it.

~~

I HOPE THIS WAS OKAY <3

[absolutebitchgetter]

The problems of CS. Combined in one.

Since the CS ninjas are onto me, i shant give up. You will forever hear the tunes of the rumours of ABG'S unbanning.

Heres all the CS posts i can find:

All of this might share the same topic, and thats a feature of how Comic Studio doesnt - or probably will never - fix its problems. Insane. I know. However, why am i not giving up if we cant fix it?

To save people's sanity.

Im trying to get unbanned so i can prove i am trying to become a better person, and save people's mental health by pointing out thr flaws in:

-moderation

-people

-studios

-controversy

-kids

Its honestly pretty scary how kids are exposed to Jayst- i mean the toxicity of comic studio, and also how the experienced CS users are saying its worse than fucking Twitter.

Where can i begin with the fucking moderation? Where were they when i was getting banned? One is treated like an angel after the fucking outrageous calls he does. How long was i banned? 8 months? Yes. 8 Fucking Months. Above Half a year. One has literally made DOXXING JOKES TO ME and made me fear for my life. One in the cs discord takes someone elses side when i ask for a spoiler for Binding of Isaac (a pretty scary game). One is just fucking horrible at moderation. And one is probably biased after i did a few too many pings in a server. A server i owned btw, no one stopped me. You know who you are. :)

To name a few very shit studios,

-Probably fucking most of them

Probably 10% of the studios get used.

And a lot of them are just fucking shit.

We have a fucking NICK JR studio for like 2 YEAR OLDS.

When is there a fucking Despicable Me comic studio?

To name types of people:

Suspected pedophiles

probably pedophiles

pedophiles

nazis

racists

homophobes

transphobes

xenophobes

sexists

anti semetic

Jokes aside tho there are lot of people i named that are actually one of the things above. There are also lots of fucking toxic people.

To my next point

popular beats all apparently

If your popular, dont fear of being banned! You fucking wont be!

I can name, a shit ton of people that should be banned but wouldnt because they have a shit ton of followers and that would get a lot of people to quit the site.

-Puffyy (Should i say more?)

-Jaystar (☠️)

-Onion_Rabbit (Threw about users like hell, faked harassment, legit got people to witchhunt me (December 2022), was toxic to me before i got banned (unfairly) (July 2023)

-Deathzy (A fucking mpreg and sex comic untagged, did the same as Onion_Rabbit July 2023, has known cases of being cocky as fuck when they get their way)

-SarahKomik (Has threw about users under the bus pretending to victimise themselves over the slightest of out of context things. The current situation with Oka is one.)

-Zappy (The same as above.)

Theres a lot more! Holy fuck

This community has a complete fucking hivemind too.

When popular users say "this person has done something bad (slightly or horrible) target them guys" and when they say "dont harass this person pls" they're praying that the mods dont fucking mob them. Oh wait.

Its like a lot of people have pointed out popular beats all!

Also, this is how people say "fuck the rules" (e.g, Oka and me)

If you have any problems, comment it, You probably shouldnt have but if your a snowflake, combat me.

Oh yeah i also forgot Tammy got knocked about like the school thot at summer time with the football team. They need apologising yall. This is the reason why people quit, my point above. Tammy quitting is one of the worst things to happen to CS.

[charlybird]

im a big sucker for food as a metaphor for healing, and specifically in the context of Red Dead, being able to get constant proper meals. I feel like maybe Bill would briefly be uncomfortable with it/the changes to his body, but then he realizes that 1) he has more energy that stays throughout the day, and 2) Alden's constantly cuddling up to him, even more than usual. from bear to Bear haha

wait waht? Bill uncomfortable with eating? XD or you mean the type of food? Honestly I feel like Bill will eat anything especially if it's better than Pearson's cooking, which sounds like an incredibly low bar with how everyone complains every single time they eat. Bill also regularly says he's starving and Arthur says "save some for the rest of us" But at the same time Bill looks like he loses weight a lot which makes me sad. Especially in the gap between 2 and 1. I think he really loses himself after 2 and he's on rocky enough road as it is. But I do like to think of Bill eating better and feeling better too. The man needs a lot of fixing and healing. Super random but I was drinking a mocha the other day and I couldn't help but wonder how Bill would react to chocolate x coffee. I have no idea if it was around in America at the time but still. I think about him reacting to food and I just think he'd get a kick out of most of it. And anything that he didn't really like he'd probably just eat anyway aha. (like he does with Pearson's food but I guess that's because he has no other choice) There's no real in game reason for me to HC Bill as being very into food but I like the idea. Tho he does sometimes ask if anyone has tried certain types of animals. He has a few food questions I think. I do think the man would eat anything.

[rivaille-13]

Hey Hans! I just noticed that you never really posted your new fanfic with the 1950-ish vibes here so let me be the one to promote it for ya lol

i know quite people are begging this lovely writer to update an epilogue for ATW or even asking updates of By Dawn but we never really had your answers *sad cries* until my email beeps that you actually posted another fic *holy moly*

And it’s freakin 1950’s. FOR REAL guys read it the title is “From Afar” and honestly Hans I’m kind of scared it has a cutesy vibes but at the same time it screams disaster and chaos just like the movie Edge of Love (ik ik, you’re a fan of Cillian just like moralee!)

Again, the writing is incredible im forever a fan. But pls Hans, could you please update By Dawn too? That story got me on chokehold I don’t know how I actually read that because I’m literally bawling every chapters but it’s still freaking beautiful

Ok love u

Wow, this is a long ask indeed! I don’t know what to answer first, it has been a while but please let me express my gratitude first. The amount of support I am still getting is very flattering and heart warming so thank you very much.

It has been two years since the last chapter of After The War, and I swear that I’ve tried to write an epilogue, but then tossed it right into the bin because there has been some changes I want to revise with the whole story. It feels like the story is still lacking plots, and I’m really not satisfied with the whole outcome and grammatical error…I’m still at Chapter 3 revision, and it’s taking me a long time and it’s killing me too.

While By Dawn, I’ll Leave is like the skeleton meme that was left chained at the bottom of the pool LOL I’m very kidding but yes, a year had already passed since I last updated a new chapter. To give you my answer, I have a draft of the next chapter — around 3,000 words but I definitely feel the need to drop a hell of a long chapter in regards to the POV of whom character I am writing…I think that this chapter should express the missing details (I know some of the readers are left hanging and dissatisfied with Levi and Mikasa’s choices) to give way that both of the characters suffered equally in their own way…alright no spoilers. Haha

And of course, I almost forgot! From Afar — 1950’s and stuff…I’m getting a lot of suggestions to write a 50’s one so here I tried. Tackles about the 1940-50’s, I actually don’t know how to react with that opinion of yours but it did make me laugh. The chaos and disaster, hmm…maybe? But it’s not going to land like The Edge of Love for sure, I don’t want Mikasa to be milking Levi’s military pension the way Vera did it to William (Cillian Murphy)! Hahaha, maybe the vibes, you know, I’m still head over heels towards Cillian as Levi and so on.

Thank you for promoting it again, and for the time to ask me such. I’m sorry, there’s no emoji available, my iPhone is shitty, I can’t put emoji on my text!

To everyone who wants to give From Afar a try, here’s the link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48274930

It’s not really fixed yet, like the title and tags could change but yeah, a 1950’s…enjoy and let me know what you think. (:

[johnslittlespoon]

https://www.tumblr.com/hogans-heroes/746685005077544960/the-most-powerful-one-so-far-im-crying

Have you seen this buckbucky edit yet?

BIG OL' MISCELLANEOUS ASK POST!!

1) UNFORTUNATELY (said with love). that edit made me cry like a mf, my soul is too soft for those two to stay dry eyed through stuff like that. but god it was BEAUTIFUL.

2) ohh 100000%. it's in my post–war buckbucky playlist, it fits john's pov so well. it's so angsty, working through mental health issues in the aftermath, learning how to communicate with gale and ask for help when he needs it, just wanting to be by his side 24/7 but feeling undeserving of his love and also being afraid of how much he loves him and how much gale loves him back </3

3) omg no don't be sorry!! i am someone who listens to a little bit of everythinggg don't sweat it. i gave it a listen and YOWCH that hurt wtf?? it does fit bucky in that time so well, our poor sweet boy. :( also i still feel so bad that my only curtbucky fic is an mcd angst one LOL i need to fix that soon <3

4) another one i hadn't heard but nooo it absolutely is. all the angsty pine–y songs fit him so perfectly </3 he just wants to feel someone love him the same way he loves!! but also: 'i know i should be angry, but i can barely feel a fucking thing' is very plane–wing–scene :(

5) NO. NOT FUN. i have such a hard time listening to that song as is but thinking about it with post–war john in mind has literally made it 10x more painful and now this edit 😭 i tried to make an angsty edit to it a few weeks back but i started crying every time LOL phoebe just hurts too damn bad when you pair her with mota stuff. i adore her <3

6) SGDKJG honestly a wild day for us. she cracks me up like no one else <33 but OOO okay so i'm a strange one alright i grew up adoring anything fantasy/sci–fi, ate every novel and movie and show up, but in the past few years i've sort of lost interest in that vibe? which makes me really sad! but i've just been enjoying more slice of life stuff in terms of media i consume.

so i think if dune had come out when i was in like high school, i would've been obsessed, but even if it's not my go to genre, i still thought they were beautiful movies, perfect casts, managed to hold my attention as someone who can barely sit thru movies 99% of the time, the sound design was incredible, 10/10. no complaints.

but listen.... at first i was like "yummy feyd" as a joke. i serious'd very very fast. like i knew i'd be attracted just bc, i mean, c'mon, it's austin lmfaooo, but my brain chemistry was genuinely altered. i haven't like properly fleshed out any au–type of brainrot because i honestly didn't retain enough info about the dune universe (again. i am not a good movie watcher, i do not do well just sitting down and paying attention to one thing for three hours lol) but i do think some sort of crossover where john is in the dune world would be interesting!

let's be real, most of us would probably just wanna see john and feyd fuck nasty so. not sure it needs much elaborating on LMFAO and i'd be surprised if someone doesn't end up writing a fic like that– wouldn't be surprised if there already are some!

[asbestos-11]

Hi I'm back again!!! Sorry for the long wait, I genuinely lost track of the time.....

But yeah!!! I feel like Aventurine and Ratio would be the type to be scared, because she's always coming home injured from her adventures. And then one day she disappears for a lot longer than she usually does. Absolutely no way to reach her while she's gone. Then she comes back, but she's slightly different. There's a haunted look in her eyes, visibly exhausted and bleeding, but she says nothing about it. And then the next day she's acting fine, as if nothing happened at all. (And then one day, on a sunny afternoon, it will hit her all at once and she'll break. She'll move on. She has to.)

She does, in fact, teach people on the more practical stuff as shes out! Eventually she will get formal education to teach in a more educational setting, but thats not for a bit.

Honestly imagine a little Eleni waddling behind Ratio like a little duck, trying her very best to watch as he cooks. Aventurine cooks too sometimes, but she's obsessed with Ratio's food, not his. A sting to his pride for sure, but he got over it pretty quickly seeing how cute she is just following Ratio around. And then he buys more duck themed outfits just to complete the look. (When she grows out of it, it's a shame, but at least there's pictures....)

As she grows older, she travels too, but it's mostly just to collect recipes or ingredients for the next project she's trying out. She meets a lot of people of different cultures and backgrounds, but she never really makes a proper friend as she does this. It's a bit lonely, but she's fine as long as she has a home and family to return to.

(And then one day, she gets stranded on a planet as her personal ship malfunctions. As far as she can see, there's no sign of human life. It's just her, the greenery, and the night sky covered in stars. And she gives her a moment, just a moment, to think back on her life before getting up and trying to fix things. She's exhausted and bruised, but she tries and tries. Mechanical work was never her strong suit, but she still tries. She tries because she just wants to go home. To go back to that warm feeling of being cared for and loved. It's cold out here.

And a few weeks later, as she comes home and breaks down in her parents arms, it's warm.)

As for how the both of them feel about their roots, I think they would be a little sad. As they learn more and more growing up, there's going to be a disconnect as they can't fully immerse themselves in a culture that was abruptly taken away. At least for the Avgin half. They would both take a bonding trip to their parent's home–planet, and just take in what's there. They would both have a talk about what they feel as they stand there, and the hijinks they've had. And they'll leave feeling settled about it for the first time in their lives.

Thank you for loving them! It's a joy being able to build up who they are and how life has changed them! I would love to hear more about your fankids, I feel like im taking over with how much I yap about mine, haha......

raya girl stop giving your parents (and me) a heart attack everytime u go out and about.

i can totally see her just teaching the locals what she knows about survival and stuff, and them in turn teaching her their customs and tricks. i feel like she'd appreciate every bit of new knowledge learned (taking after her father^^). i'm not so sure if i see her teaching in a formal setting, but the image of raya as a elementary school teacher kinda endears me. just her teaching some practical class and being ridiculously cool and all the kids really liking her ;;;;;

anon pls i need to see eleni in the duck outfits too, you can't just say things like that and gatekeep them :,000 i feel like aventurine would just pull out his wallet and out would fall pics of his two girls (the whole department knows that if they ask about his kids, he will never stop talking about them).

ANON STOP HURTING ME WITH THESE PARAGRAPHS OF SAD RAYA AND ELENI. WAAAAAAH THEY DESERVE THE WORLD SO STOP PUTTING THEM THRU THE WRINGER (i say as if i don't enjoy it).

ahhh the roots one hits a bit too close to home bcs man same. the disconnect is real and no matter how much you learn about your background, you cannot fully immerse yourself into it. it's certainly a weird feeling, but as someone who comes from two nationalities, it's very much something i'm familiar with. i wish to explore that some more (esp with my fankids too, bcs there's a lot to unpack here).

arghhh i wish i could rant abt my fankids too, but rn i'm on a rarepair bender and i can't seem to stop (i'm sure you've seen me rant about it on your tl >~<"). maybe some other time, when my ideas are structured enough to put into coherent sentences.

btw anon ur fic is actually my comfort fic and i turn to it whenever i feel sad and whatnot. hehe i do love miserable ratio :)

[thisplacecanburn]

Im really sorry for a long message but we haven't been friends for years and I dont know how else to reach out. I just want you to know I am sorry for how things turned out between us. I never meant to hurt you or any of our mutual friends (I guess for me, ex friend). I know you're probably going to send this to some group chat and you'll all laugh about how lame I am for trying to reach out. The truth is I went through a lot in life very suddenly (and ik everyone does, its not an excuse) and I'm sorry you all had to see the ugliest parts of it. you guys are my roman empire and im sorry life made it hard for me to be the friend you needed. I honestly needed intense support in that time and its okay if you couldnt be that. Im not sure if you care but I genuinely had to go through everything I went through completely alone. You guys were my closest friends and my main support system at the time. I'm sorry if my behavior at the time harmed you in any way shape or form. I know I may not have been a good friend while I was going through things in life, but I never really mentally recovered from being ghosted and excluded by you two. I don't mean to be bitter but I've been afraid to make new friends for years because of the way you guys treated me. I see you reblog posts about feeling lonely and disconnected from others at times and I wonder if you ever realize how much of an impact you've had on other people's lives. I wish there was an easy way for you guys to tell me you were starting to secretly hate me but we were young. I wish we trusted each other enough to actually talk about it. I guess if you hate having me around it's not worth fixing. I just want you to know Im sorry and i know I made mistakes being your friend. Its been 7 years since we stopped being close, 7 years is how long we were friends before that. The anniversary effect is real and I think I've moved on but then I still find myself wondering about how you're doing. I hope you stay friends with the people you actually love and I hope they love you back. I hope you find people who will give you more chances than you gave me. I was hoping to be one of those people cheering you on but you don't want me to be there. And I think Ive finally accepted that. Im not sure if you care, but in case you do: I'm doing okay now so no need to worry about me. Again I am so sorry this got so long and is probably intense and scary to receive with no warning. I have needed to say this to you and I know it's a lot. It seems counterproductive to be this detailed on anon but it feels embarrassing to reach out any other way. You can block me on IG if it bothers you that I'm following you on there. There's no need to respond or reach out if you don't want to. I just don't know if I'll ever get the chance to tell you this. I'll probably never see or hear from you again. And I'm tired of being hurt by that fact. They always said if you love something, let it go. I loved our friendship so much. You were the coolest girl in school. You taught me a lot about life at such a young age. I'm so sad we don't share our lives with each other anymore, but thank you for the time that you did. Thank you for the times you tried to help me. You were someone I really genuinely cared about. I'm sorry if I didn't show it enough. I always admired how brave, sensitive, and intelligent you are. We were girls together. Now you are a beautiful woman and you are going to shine in life.

Thank you for reaching out please message me. I was a mean girl and a bitch to people that needed me for a long time, no one deserved how I treated them I have no excuses. I am full of regret and I miss girlhood and friendships I’ve lost due to nothing more then my own insecurities. The really shitty part is realizing I could have done this to more then one person and can’t even reach out myself. Thank you for being brave and kind and telling me it means a lot to be even thought of.

Please be kind to yourself I am glad you’re okay I hope you find nothing but joy and peace, I understand. Growing up is just so fucking hard

[tbd99]

entry: 11

I'm tired of feeding into my own sadness.

At what point can you truly say you're truly depressed, and not forcing yourself to say there? I feel that if I really tried, I could escape this emptiness that has been following me my whole life. I actually have tried that lately. I tried doing something that I loved... but I just couldn't. I got frustrated each and every day I tried making a change for the better. I just hope that one warm summer day, it'll all go away, and I'll finally feel happy. I don't even know what day it is, that's the kind of loop I'm living in. It's 2:50 am on some random day in the year, and that's all I know. I don't go outside anymore, and the reason for it is cowardly. I'm scared of the people, and their eyes. If I can't even try and be happy, why am I still here? If it takes to much of me to even do the littlest things. My mother has told me to do the same things for the past 3 days. Unload the dishwasher, clean the living room, and clean the bathroom. 3 small tasks normal people do everyday. But I'm not normal. I'm lazy. I'm a lazy person who can't do anything right. Mother doesn't say that but I know she thinks it. When I ask her to make me food because I'm hungry I know she looks at me like I'm a helpless child. but that's not true. i don't need anyone. i never have. i don't need anyone to try and fix me either. i begged my mother to take me to therapy and well... even the therapist said I wasn't depressed and to go on more walks. that's what the problem was. i was upset at first, no one could see how bad I was , but now that I think about it, I really was fine. even now, I am. people think about this kind of thing all the time. people think about suicide. people cut themselves. im no different. people just get over it faster than I do. I tried to look for pills in my mother's pill cabinet last night. or well-- a few weeks ago maybe?? my memory is really bad. she had nothing but allergy pills, but I could only look for like.. 4 minutes, until my sister came knocking at my door. it was scrambling to put the pills back in the cabinet, and I don't even know where this rant is going. i just think im ready to try again. that's my point. im not even spelling things properly or putting stuff in coherent sentences, and frankly, I don't care. someone I know is having a birthday party, and it would be a good way to say goodbye to all my friends. i normally try and do this each time I attempt. they've had to put up with me for so long, I feel as if I owe them a goodbye.

i wasnt going to go because ive been looking and feeling like total shit. i mean you cant look at me but if you did I look seriously awful. my skin is all grey, and my eyes are all dull. i haven't been speaking much, and honestly. i don't know how my mother doesn't know whats going on.. I've been starting to suspect for a while she knows, but doesn't really care to help. I've felt like this for so long, there's no way no one can understand me. I'm the youngest in my whole family by like... a whole decade. sometimes, I feel like some monkey in a cage. no one takes me seriously, and they all just disregard my actions as me being a teenager. which I get. I'm a pretty angst teen. but.. I've always been this way. I feel like the people in my family understand me, because they've been a teen before, but they're so detached from this feeling. sometimes, I wonder if anyone in my family has felt the things I've felt before. i don't think I'm sensitive, but, when you make a whole tumblr blog just to rant your feelings..... its sure starting to work that way. going back to that birthday party thing, I was thinking of going. but.. i hate the act I have to put on whenever I see my friends. I'm a very bleak and monotone person, but if my friends ever heard someone describe me that way, they wouldn't believe it. i put on this show whenever I'm around people, so they don't worry about me. I've been doing it my whole life. i don't know why I do it, it just makes me feel better if others don't know the rotting going on in my mind. i really don't feel good enough, but I guess ill stop ranting. sorry this was so rambly.