#and im gonna write some self-indulgent fic that no one else will ever read

[theantitheticallogician]

am i gonna make a playlist ab hannigram?

you bet.

[touyasdoll]

hello beloved it is dom tamaki supremacist brainstorming shinsou ideas,,, some bullet points for this one bc it’s midnight

having to give your hero costume a turtleneck because shinsou is incapable of not leaving marks…and you don’t really want him to stop

shinsou buying y/n a purple collar with black and silver detailing,,,he’d have it custom made and the inside would be so soft,,, it looks more like a dog collar than a cat collar purely for aesthetic purposes, and he has different tags he clips on depending on your behavior. he even has a short, medium, and a long leash depending on his mood. sometimes he and y/n will be chilling in the living room and they’re just walking around with the collar and the long leash, complete with the tag that says “hitoshi’s perfect kitten” just because it makes them feel confident. sometimes when they walk by, shinsou will just pull on the leash to signal he wants a kiss. i was gonna write daddy’s perfect kitten, but i couldn’t remember if you were cool with that, and because it was fully self indulgent for me, i took it out, but i’m telling you abt it anyways,,, sorry in advance.

his favorite hobby unrelated to hero work is knitting hats and sweaters for cats. this isn’t thirsty but it needed to be said.

as much as i think the concept of him using his quirk in bed is fun, i feel like it’s a hard no for him, especially because he was bullied because of his quirk. he takes his role in bed very seriously because you’re the most important thing in the world to him, and he’s scared of you being under his quirk and unable to use a safe word and potentially ruining the trust between you two, or worse, damaging your relationship.

thats all i got for you chief im gonna sleep peace out 😴✌️

& you've done it again 😩😩 I'm so fucking weak rn, you've slain me. Words cannot express the noise that left my mouth reading about the collar bit like ahashalkshfjsadf

Daddy is my absolute fav, so you're 100% good there. It's a kink in so many of my fics, bc I am entirely self-indulgent 😂 & the thought of being Daddy's Perfect Kitten for Shinsou?? Ahhh, I'm about to implodeee. & the knitting?? are you trying to have me in tears, bc congrats, you've done it 😭💕

& about his quirk, I personally love the idea of him using it in the bedroom, but I can see him not wanting to, for the reasons you specified.

However, one of my fav headcanons about Hitoshi in the bedroom is that he's just the dom of all doms. He can be soft or hard, depending on his mood and your attitude, but whatever the vibe is, he just does it so fucking well.

So well that he doesn't need his quirk to get you to do things you'd never even considered with anyone else. He doesn't need to brainwash you. He could, but there's no point to it.

Because you're so wrapped around his hypnotic little finger, the one that brings you so much pleasure with such minimal effort, that you're almost too eager to please him.

Being Daddy's Perfect Kitten is all you ever want to be, aside from when you brat him into fucking you senseless, but that's a different conversation.

So you are at his beck and call, obeying every last command that he gives you. So eager to be praised and rewarded by Daddy that you'll entertain any kink that he wants to introduce his pretty, innocent little kitten to.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

ive always had a soft-spot for a y/n who doesnt talk to communicate, even if theyre not mute. like instead of saying "yes" they nod or do that little "mh-hm!" hum noise.

idk why but it just makes me feel so much more emerged in a story because holy shit. they main character is acting and behaving like ME!!! granted i can and do talk, it just gets exausting very quickly.

sadly not a lotta people do stuff like that so im taking matters into my own hands, using my fave funky little guy - dark <3

i HC that he cant read minds cuz i find that the most boring soloution (and kinda uncomfortably because my brother in christ, you dont need to know what i think about)

i want at least one of them to ALWAYS carry around a little notepad and one of those tiny as hell pens that are technically there to be small, but do still work, just so they can write smth down

dark memorising y/ns orders at places just so they cant drain their energy by talkin to the cashier cuz wow that is TERRIFYING

them both only talking in private. if we go the route that all the mark egos live together, i bet the only people who have heard their voice (besides dark, ofc) are :

• wilford, who slammed open their bedroom door while y/n was talking

• google, cuz yknow. voice commands

• yancy, just because i like him a lot <3

everyone else just has NO idea they even CAN talk. only times theyve seen them do anything resembling that is whispering smth very quietly in darks ear

okay now time for the daily slice of hurt/comfort cuz i cannot exsist w/o it -

y/n pushes themselves too hard one day with the talking. maybe they had to give a speech and it made them EXAUSTED afterwards. so when they very sluggishly get trough the mansion door, i think dark can immediatly sense that.. uh oh.. y/ns on the edge of falling asleep while still trying to take off the shoes and coat.

this man fuckin THROWING himself at y/n cuz !!!!!! what!!!! is happening!!!!!! dont pass!!!!! out in the doorway!!!!!!

him realising y/n is basically nonverbal again, not even making their small noises and hums, and just carrying them to their bedroom so they can now rest. the speech must have really worn them out if theyre like this :(

👏 C U D D L I N G 👏

always good to cuddle this grayscale abomination <3 <3 <3

just them both laying in bed, y/n sleeping while dark messes with their hair or hands, being very worried for how his s/o is doing ):

maybe him (with CONSENT) hypnotising y/n so they can truly just... chill out and nap for a few hours. and if they seem to bot get better, i bet your ass that dr. iplier is gonna be called over by a dark whos freaking the hell out

but when they finally wake up, they just hug him a bit tighter and mumble a small thank you to him for putting up with them

Bonus : y/n always has their phone on them, and sometimes they text dark what theyre thinking as a way to communicate. maybe some of the randomest thoughts ever that leave poor dark staring at them and his phone like ???? huh ??? what ???????

fuck angry and angsty dark, im making him as soft and sweet as possible, but only to y/n because those are basically the laws of every dar x y/n fic

but yeah this was just very self indulgent cuz aint no way im talking that much irl

It is law that Dark is only soft around Y/N <3

Yeah I like the lack of dialogue we have in the w/ Mark series (aside from the one time we cough in heist's zombie route)

[ratanslily]

Irreplaceable

pairing: bryce lahela x f!mc (Dr. Theia Valentine)

genre: angst but with happy ending.

about the fic: im just giving bryce's premium scene some closure ♡

inspo: this post by @ofpixelsandscribbles

a/n: I've never written for my mc before oof i hope i did her justice!! honestly this fic was so rushed (like all my fics lmao, i write on impulse, not meticulous planning and its a self indulgent fics so i dont rlly expect people to read because i kinds wrote it for my own sanity)

"We should do this much, much more often"

"Agreed."

Bryce looked around the on-call room. So much changed, the beds, the technology,  the lights... and maybe them. or maybe he was the one who changed.

Theia smiled and took his hand in his, beckoning him to accompany him back to the party. He slowly removed her hand away from his and took a step back. his face grew serious as he said,

"its.. probably not a good idea"

"why?"

"its just.. I don't know.. just go ahead, without me, I dont want to draw attention to us."

Theia could tell there was much more to Bryce's strange behaviour. Ever since they started their third year, she could see something was wrong with him, something was troubling him. but when they'd get intimate, all worries would go away and he'd get back to his normal self.

so what happened?

"so it's all a game to you, isn't it?"

"wh-what?"

"you don't need me.. you just want me to satisfy your needs"

"liste-"

"No, Dr. Lahela.  listen to me.", Theia raised her voice as her eyes started glistening with fresh tears.

"was it all a game to you? I thought we had something special.. something unique.. something homely.. when you dropped your fries just to kiss me..when you comforted within these same 4 walls, when we longed to feel each other when I was sick, when you walked me home after the funeral.. I guess I was a fool, I was just a distraction to you, wasn't it?"

she turned on her heels and made way to the door. Before her hands could even touch the handle, she felt Bryce's shaking hand on her shoulder.

"Theia.. please. please stay."

"what for?"

as much as she wanted to resist, she turned back to find Bryce on the verge of tears, with a face full of longing for her.

---

Bryce never hated anything more than the sight of Theia in pain. tonight, he made her cry.

He never meant to hurt her. but he always knew this day would come, especially since they started their third ywar of residency. He knew she and him would end up on different paths.

so why try? why grow close, just to fall apart? kiss, just to say goodbye? make memories, just to move on and forget them?

but he fell,  he fell hard for her. against his best wishes. he found himself caring more for her rather than himself. he found her tears as his own. maybe more painful than his own. when he found her alone on the floor, crying all by herself, he couldnt stop himself from comforting her, feeling the same hurt as she did. they grew closer faster than he imagined, but he loved every second of their relationship.

the day he saw Theia behind the glass walls, trying to reach for him, he aligned his hand on hers, with a glass wall between them. he needed her more than ever in that moment. that night, when he sat by her side, close but not close enough, he felt it.

he felt it surging thru his veins.

he felt love.

but he didnt admit it, for the fear of rejection.

he thought of himself as someone who was easily replaceable, someone who was just a second option to others, never the priority.

little did he know, all Theia wanted is, him by her side, no one else. She never thought of him as the second option, but as the only option.

---

Theia softened at the sight of him holding back his tears and silently cursed herself for being the reason behind his tears.

"im sorry for being so loud, but tell me one thing, Bryce. Do you even need me anymore?"

her words struck him right in the heart.

"if you dont have any answer, I'll go. I'll never bother you again.."

He looked right into her eyes, feeling more vulnerable than ever.

As the tears gently rolled down his cheek, he said,

"I need you, Theia. I need you by my side. I need you to be by my side at every moment of my day, not just at fancy rich parties, but by my side when i wake up to find you curled up in the sheets,  when I make coffee for us and you scoff at the amount of sugar i put in our latte, when there's something on my cheek during lunch and you offer to kiss it off. when i have trouble sleeping at nights and you offer to cuddle me until i feel safe. when i hate the movie you pick, and doze off with my head of your shoulder. I would always need you. But.. what if.. one day.. we don't need each other anymore?"

"what if one day.. say when you've completed your third year here and get a job in a place far away, away from me, away from us. what if there's no "us" anymore? what if you find someone better? what if one day, i end up badly heartbroken, if you ever do so? better keep my distance to lessen the pain, isnt it? Im replaceable, after all."

She couldn't believe the words he said, the feelings he was going through. She felt more horrible than ever for lashing out at him when he felt all of this.

She held his hand, and guided him to one of the beds.  they sat down together,  with her head on his shoulders. Tonight, roles were reversed, she was the one comforting him.

"I didn't know you felt all of this, and im sorry that I misjudged your behaviour."

she rubbed his arms, soothingly and continued,

"I dont know how to tell you this, but i can never go away from you, ever. for physically we may be apart but emotionally and mentally,  i find my home and my residence in your heart. I just-"

she took a deep breath.

"I just love you so much. I dont want you to drift apart from me. and from us. I maybe  a doctor and such sentimental stuff may sound crazy, coming outta my mouth but, I just want to make one thing clear."

she carefully removed her head from his shoulders and turned to look at him.

"Dr. Bryce Lahela, your name is engraved in my every heartbeat. Other people may try to change it, but I know they're gonna fail, as I don't love anyone else apart from you. Do i make this clear?"

Bryce's lips curled into his classic beautiful smile as he started to speak, but Theia cut him off.

"and you better not call yourself replaceable next time, or im gonna punch you so hard."

she playfully punched him, earning a hearty laugh from him.

"Now, now Valentine, would you give me the mic to talk?"

She nodded and he continued.

"I don't think I expected a love confession to be in the very room we hooked up, ans honestly its kind of iconic, though i expected a few roses and all that glam..."

".. but you're enough to make my heart leap with joy. No roses needed, no chocolates required."

he took a moment to choose his words,

"I may be good at giving prep talks and all that stuff, but wow, I suck at this. Its probably cause i never did this before.. so let me get to it.. I love you too, Theia."

Theia crashed her lips into his for a fulfilling kiss as they both shared tears of joy,  finally confessing their love after 2 years of pure longing and messing around.

"Whew, who thought these simple 4-5 words would be so hard to say?"

She simply nodded as she wrapped her hands around his for those precious moments of bliss and joy.

yes, the walls, the beds, the room and the infrastructure around them changed, but they were still the same 2 people as from before,  with the same love and feelings in their heart.

and no amount of change could ever change that.

[latetaektalk]

hi there ^^' i'm... kinda new to this whole tumblr thing and have been wanting to write on here for a while but this huge place is kinda scary sometimes haha ;; do you have any writing tips or tricks that would be good to know for newcomers? (also your music taste is immaculate, i love it)

hey love 💕 first of all, welcome to tumblr!! its a fun place,, youre gonna love it, and learn to hate it lol second of all, thank you for complimenting my music taste 😳

now im not quite sure if you want only writing tips or writing blog tips, so ive included tips and tricks for both!

WRITING BLOG TIPS :

have a masterlist. this might seem stupid and obvious, but ive seen people with no masterlist. people are lazy, so if they cant access your writing easily, they will just click away.

have a clean theme. aesthetics are important. they are. people love clean and easy to navigate themes. again, people are lazy, so if you make it easy to click through your blog and get to your writing, youll increase the chance of people reading your stuff!

how to get your work show up in general. putting links in your fanfic might lead to your story not showing up in the search. ive also heard that a banner thats too big can cause that. even using too many tags can lead to your work not showing up. its complicated.

the first five tags. im sure youve heard abt this already but the first five tags are the tags that will actually show up! so if someone follows #bts fluff and you tag your fic with that, your fic can show up on people's dashes as a recommended post!

tag accordingly. speaking of tags, please tag accordingly! theres nothing more annoying than finding a jimin fanfic in the taehyung fanfic tag. i really discourage you from mistagging your stories. if im scrolling through the taehyung fanfic tag and find a jimin fanfic, it makes me want to not read it. just tag your fics accordingly.

reblog your fics. i mean it. seriously, reblog them as much as you want! people live in different time zones or sometimes forget abt wanting to read your stuff, so reblogging it consistently for a week or so to get it on people's dashes helps!

teasers and taglists. i recommend doing both! teasers help to get people excited for your story and taglists ensure that people will read it, or at least remember to!

dont stress abt notes. now, this is less of a tip but rather something i just really really really want to tell you! i know youve heard this before, but please do not stress about notes. tumblr fame does not exists! it doesnt matter if your writing gets 2 notes or 300 or 5k notes! i do understand how getting a lot of notes can be motivating (every fics deserve all the love in the world by the way!!) but in the end, it should not be your motiviation to write. focusing on notes will ruin writing for you. it will. the amount of notes your fic will reach has nothing to do with how good your writing is. dont let something as superficial as notes ruin the fun of writing for you. its seriously not worth it! write for you and no one else!

WRITING TIPS :

write self indulgent fics. i seriously think all fics should be self indulgent. writing fics should be fun, so please write whatever you want! also, theres no such thing as an overdone trope. if you want to write a fake dating enemies to lovers fic, please write it! you might think there are already a bunch out there and its not worth writing another one, but youre wrong! there isnt one out there thats been written by you yet. go write it!

make playlists. now this is a bit specific to me because im absolutely obsessed with music, but making playlists that fit the mood of the fic has always helped me while writing and gotten me out of writers block before!

take your time. writing is freaking hard and when writers block hits, theres rarely ever something that you can do. try not to stress too much abt it! it happens to the best of us!

balance dialogue and detail. its important to find a middle. if im reading a fic and theres paragraph after paragraph after paragraph of detail, the chance of me just skipping that part is really high. because even though i love detail, it does get boring. so use dialogue to spice it up!

reading. okay, this sounds weird because youre asking for writing tips, but reading seriously help your writing so much! if you wanna improve your writing skills, reading a lot is going to be key. now, im not saying reading is necessary, but i do think that it can help you to better! whats even more important though is that you try to analyse people’s writing while reading. when i say you should analyse people’s writing, i do not mean you should write an entire analysis of a book, but to take a second and think to yourself how the authors just did that. how did they convey oc’s sadness? why did they just describe the weather? whats the purpose of this scene?

switch up sentence/paragraph length. shorter sentences/paragraphs = emphasise something and pick up the pace. longer sentences/paragraphs = slow down the story and allow for more detail. its important that you do a mix of both. utilise the length to your advantage. a well placed short sentence/paragraph can pack a lot of punch and turn your sad story in a heartbreaking one.

outline your fics. look this is very personal again because some people dont like to outline their fics, but i recommend outlining your fics. and when i say outline your fics, you can do it as little or as much as you want! it can be a few notes, or a long list of every detail you want to include. i just want you to know where this story is headed. its so easy to write yourself in a corner and trust me, you dont wanna end up there.

allow yourself to be free. this connects to the previous point i just made. even though i do recommend outlining your fics, i am also a firm believer of taking the story somewhere else if you feel like it. ive scrapped complete outlines before. half of the scenes i write also arent in my outline at all. you dont have to stick to the outline. if you think that a specific scene would add something to your story, then please go ahead and write that scene. just always remember where youre headed and dont loose focus.

have fun. i just really wanna reiterate this point again. its just so important to me that you have fun while writing! seriously. its just fanfiction. it should be fun. go crazy. i support you!

okay bub i hope this was helpful 💕 if you have any other questions/want more tips/want me to elaborate on something, please just hit me up! my ask box is always open!

[yusufs-stew-of-romance]

ao3 tag game

I got tagged by my lovely wife, my sunshine, @wakandan-wardog. Thank you, amante.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 20 (21 actually, one anonymous) works, 2 of them on my main account one of them a WIP, and an ongoing series im trying to battle through!

2. What is your total AO3 word count?

106030 words! I’m actually quite proud of myself for that hgdfkj.

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Hmm. Black Sails, Ted Lasso, The Old Guard (movie and comics), Lo chiamavano Jeeg Robot, Wolf, De Oost, Il Padre d’Italia, What Happened To Monday, Tutti I Santi Giorni, Trust (FX)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Tbh i’d never thought i’d get here but:

*Lead me through the darkest night (be thou ever near) which i wrote with the lovely @thefancydragonqueen

*Your voice (is a weapon)

*And The World's Love Holds Me

*Your Song Creeps Into My Dawn 

*And Let My Cry Come Unto Thee

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes, I always try to, so sometimes my reply is months late, sorry for that. I mean, someone took the time to read and comment, so i always try to show some appreciation back!

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don’t really do angst lmao. But uhm, I’d have to go with the Green Knight!AU One Year Hence bc, yeah.

7. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve ever written?

*Gestures to my Fabio/Majid fics* yes, and there’s a crossover between Tutti I Santi Giorni & What Happened to Monday. The craziest among these uhm. probably the very self-indulgent christmas fic ‘making our own traditions’?

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I keep expecting this to happen to me, i’ve been reluctant to post some stories but so far, no! :D

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

gjdfklgjdkfgld *gestures at ao3* really, what do you think? the answer is yes

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of, no :)

11. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! See above!

12. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Oh man! I still love SilverFlint so much, and of course Joe/Nicky.

13. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Im gonna lie and say Black Sails :) some crimes from the past need to remain hidden.

14. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I’ve dreaded this question, because lately, especially during the Pornathon, I’ve posted some fics i’m so incredibly proud of and I revisit them regularly. So im just gonna drop a few :)

*My absolute Magnum Opus is still a WIP in my doc folder and it’s both giving me dread and so much adrenaline, and it’s the third and final installment of the Hemingway series (i love these two bastards so much, and i know it looks abandoned but it is not! Trust me!). In the meantime i wrote this baby for Fabio/Majid and I have to say I think I really nailed them here: Fight Like We're Losing (Fuck Like We're Fighting)

*Second, this uhm, Joe/Nicky/Nile fic I loved working on: This Fills Me Up With Bliss (Don’t Tell Me This Was A Dream) and i was very pleased with how it turned out.

*Since the first TOG:TTT came out, I had so many ideas that featured that comic, and the pornathon gave me an excuse to work on it. I think I did the canon pairing here proud, and I love their soft vibes while still being dangerous badasses: And The World’s Love Holds Me (also check out the actual song, it’s by HAEVN and it gives me so much kaysanova vibes)

*Last: absolute fave, involved so much yelling and I still have so many ideas, and which wouldn’t exist without all the support: my beloved Exorcist!AU featuring exorcist!Nicolò: And Let My Cry Come Unto Thee, which got both an incredible moodboard and some incredible art, im so grateful! This fic was like a group effort and i love it so so much.

Tagging, right? lmao. UHM

@likedestiny @pigsinablanketfort @sholeh675 @linaxart @1derspark @heroicheartbeat @thefancydragonqueen @loflight501 and anyone else who wants to play! <3

[bringingglory]

thank you so much for the tags @hanamuri @fullmetalscullyy @megthemighty @nightofnyx8 @tsaritsa !

How many works do you have on AO3? 11! some are botw, one is tdiapt, some are fma, and some are haikyuu! i mostly just write for whatever im interested in at the moment/whichever fandom inspiration strikes for

What's your total AO3 word count? 101,939

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Keep Your Friends Closer But Your Enemies Closer - T: ahhhh my miraculous ladybug fic! ive literally been working on her for FOREVER and i swear to god im going to finish it, i literally know how i want to end it and i know all the events leading up to it. hell, i even have a vague idea of what i want to happen in the middle, i just need to know what order the middle stuff happens in and also i just have to write it. It's an AU where Ladybug and Chat Noir are actually enemies but then Chat Noir accidentally befriends Marinette and then drama etc etc etc.

rain - G: first zelink fic babey! set Pre-Calamity and basically link and zelda get stuck in a cave because of the rain and there's just a lot of quiet pining, etc etc.

Your Friendly Neighborhood Oikawa - T: HAHAHA this was a crack fic inspired by my roommate but then i forgot it was supposed to be a crack fic while writing it and there are accidentally real emotions alkjdfalksdf but anyway it was very fun to write lmao. it was based off this meme and basically it's an AU where Oikawa is Spider-Man and Iwaizumi doesn't know but they still like hang out and stuff. It's a lot of fun, or at least I think it is, haha.

stolen moments - T: first royai fic!!! just a series of "stolen moments" (mic drop) where roy and riza like cant be together but yknow, they try. lots of pining. etc

a secret weapon of sorts - T: 5+1 edwin fic inspired by the Simple People OVA where instead of ed giving winry earrings to get out of trouble, he gives her kisses.

Do you reply to comments, why or why not? Yes! I try really hard to!!! Sometimes I get overwhelmed and I don't respond to comments for a while, but I absolutely do my best to when I remember because I feel like it's my way of saying "thank you" for them reading my fics in the first place, haha.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? Uhhhhh, sleepless I guess? But it's more open-ended/not explicitly positive more than anything, though even then I feel like I've got a hint of hope in there. alkjdfhalsdk idk man I just, I can't write *pure* angst, there's gotta be some light, and thus I could never end anything angstily

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending? LMAO most of my fics??? I guess??? bc despite being an anxious piece of shit, I am an optimist by heart

Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you've ever written? When I was younger! Idk, I guess the Rise of the Brave Frozen Tangled Dragons fandom??? if anyone remembers what that is lmao

Have you ever received hate on a fic? Not exactly? Maybe some weird comments on KYFCBYEC but even then, it wasn't that often.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? No no no no no no no no. I am telling you, I physically cannot write smut. I don't think I actually have the capacity. Absolute fucking kudos to every single smut writer out there bc it truly is an art form capturing that intimacy and emotion and etc, but I literally get flustered from writing mildly detailed kiss scenes. If I ever wrote smut, I would burst into flames on the spot.

Actually lies, I technically wrote smut once, but it was at the request of my roommates and they wanted me to write a crack smut fic of Y/N x our uni's mascot and I wrote that thing in like 3 hours with so many silly memes to keep myself sane (not like other girls, tongues battled for dominance, etc), did not edit it, and because it was so, like, not serious, I was actually able to get through it. But even then, when I wrote "thrusting" I literally had to put my laptop down for 20 minutes.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Nope!

Have you ever had a fic translated? Not yet! Someone commented on Your Friendly Neighborhood Oikawa and asked if they could translate it and I said yes! They haven't gotten around to it yet, but I would love to see it if they do!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not yet!

What’s your all-time favourite ship? Bro it changes day to day. You can't ask me this lmao. The current ship I'm most fixated on is Iwaoi, but I wouldn't say they're my all-time favorite.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? I'm not answering this energy. On god, I'm going to finish things. I want to.

What are your writing strengths? uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh very good question lmao. I don't really like thinking about "strengths" in my writing bc who am I to say? akjdslakfjdf idk, instead, I'm just gonna say some things I like/try to do in my writing, which are: conversational prose/having a lot of voice in the narration, I try to add humor wherever I can, and recently I've gotten better and metaphors and describing things bc I picked up writing poetry a year ago!

What are your writing weaknesses? hmmm, a thing I dislike about my writing/the writing process is that I'm slow to publish things and slow to finish things because I'm such a messy first drafter and I also take forever to edit. I would like to uhhhhh get things out faster. Also I tend to repeat myself a lot bc I forget the details of things I write sometimes lmao.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? Hmmm, I dunno, I guess I don't have any strong thoughts? The only other language I know is Mandarin but even then, I suck ass at that, so I'll prolly never write dialogue in another language simply bc I like to try to portray things semi-realistically and I don't think I have a good enough grasp on any other language the same way I do in English to produce authentic enough dialogue.

What was the first fandom you wrote for? Fablehaven I guess? But Idk I was in fourth grade an didn't even know what fandom was yet. Rise of the Guardians, maybe?

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

AHHHH idk??? maybe hold your hand out in the dark because i really experimented with my writing on that one and im sort of proud of the result, just like the fact that i wanted to try something new and it turned out alright. that or Sunset Wheeling which is an iwaoi fic where they just skate, and like it's prolly one of the most self-indulgent things i've ever written because it's silly and they just. skate. but aljdfalsjd idk i loved it and i churned it out in 6 days and it was a lot of fun lol

ahhh a bunch of people have been tagged already, so sorry if im tagging you again, but for now im just gonna tag @niconiconina @notkorras @thatisadamnfinecupofcoffee @firewoodfigs and anyone else who wants do it!

[akvtsuki-ari]

Sweetheart (Ch.1)

Warnings: Mentions of BDSM and bunch of other kinks but nothing sexual in this chapter lol. Sub!Spencer and Femdom!Reader 

Length: 5.3k 

Authors Note: this is hands down the most self-indulgent shit ive ever wrote but do i care? the answer is no dsjk  but this that series i had planned where the reader introduces spencer to proper BDSM and all that. hoping to make this fic kinda informative also lol. also im uploading this fic on ao3 as well. also no tags for this fic bc its really specific and ill probably be writing for it for a while! sorry about that

Plot Summary: Spencer Reid just wanted to be.., well, you know. He doesn’t expect to find much when he signs up for a BDSM dating website but somehow he manages you and he couldn’t be more delighted

Spencer Reid was certainly a lot of things. He was a lover of the arts, someone who had a particular affinity for 15th-century literature, a magician at best, a theater nerd at worst, and a teacher when life called for it. He loves the world even when it's really dark and he loves sleeping in even more. He loves his friends and they love him too - even when they pretend that his random facts annoy them. Spencer Reid was a friend, an FBI agent, a genius with an IQ of 187, and a son to a mother he loves wholly. He was a lot of things and for the most part - he knew a lot about what he really loved to do. He supposed that it's been like that his whole life.

It's not everyday that he discovers something new about himself. About everything else? Always. He loves to learn, but about himself? There's never all that much on the frontier.

It's hard to say, because of that, when Spencer discovered he was a sub. It's difficult to pinpoint a specific time and place, or even how the pieces got put together. He just remembers how it felt when it hit him, like a freight train going 100 miles an hour into a concrete wall. Or a plane crashing onto an island. Or like a fly hitting the glass panes of a delivery truck. He remembers the feeling when he was deftly reminded of this fact. Spencer Reid was a sub - through and through and he wasn't really sure what to make of it.

Surprisingly to most of his direct peers, Spencer wasn't a virgin. He'd had sex with 2 people who he'd been kinda friends with at some point, but it always got a little weird after that. The second time though, the girl ended up choking him a little bit when she got off and Spencer thought he had died. Not in a bad way, more in a "I'm so turned on by this I feel like I've genuinely gone to heaven," sort of way. He didn't think it was possible for a sexual encounter to make him feel like that but it did. It didn't stop after that either, which was the most agitating part. 

Spencer doesn't consider himself a sexual person. Sex is about intimacy and companionship, and hopefully love when he finds that someday. Sex isn't necessarily about pleasure but that wasn't an easy lesson to learn.

Spencer just wanted to understand - so like any great genius he participated in thought experiments. It's normally a female superhero/supervillain that crosses his mind (he has an affinity for Poison Ivy), and he just kinda imagines what it would be like if they did what she did. The choking turned him on, but it wasn't enough. Through that, he figures out that he had more than a choking kink and that he was more than a little interested in a partner having complete access to him. He thought about it for weeks and the getting off was working for him but he couldn't get the fantasy out of his head. He wanted more - he wanted someone to fulfill his wishes.

It was too much for him to ignore. Those months of being able to hold off through masturbating are over and he's just sorta itching. Aching to act on those impulses with another person who can give him what he needs, and he doesn't want it to be transactional. Maybe it's too ideal to want a partner out of such an endeavor but was it so wrong? To want real affection and romance from someone who could also overpower him wasn't a crime and he'd be damned if he pretended to want any less. Spencer was just searching, even if it was rather desperately. 

So, when Spencer finds himself on a BDSM dating site and he feels like his life is in shambles, he can only blame himself. It's not something he'd normally do but he's getting a little more than relentless about it but he also just wants to see what's out there. He's so out of it was it happens, it felt like he was being possessed as he made a fake email and wrote out his account information. Definitely blaming it on possession, he thinks. 

It's too late to go back, as he scrolls through tons of profiles of rather intense looking people. He's not surprised, this is where people go to express themselves. They're entitled to that, it just sucks since he's just not ready for such levels of intensity. He wonders if he's in too deep yet, but he figures he'd hit that mark a long time ago and keeps scrolling through profiles. There wasn't much to go off of, many people not choosing to use photos for the sake of anonymity, which was good for Spencer. He clicks onto his own profile, reading his own bio carefully.

USERNAME: DOC187 

SUB/ SWITCH / DOM 

M / F / O

FETISHES: N/A

BIO: Interest in a dominant female companion. Completely inexperienced.

Spencer feels ridiculous, but he doubts anyone would even message him. He doesn't have much on his profile and he keeps things short for that purpose. He wanted to stay as low to the ground as possible - more curious to explore what was going in the world than to find anything legitimate. He scrolls through hundreds of profiles, mostly of people who were BDSM vets looking for new connections or fun. Some people catch his eye but they don't match his interests so he doesn't bother.

Except, one profile. The bio was beyond interesting to Spencer.

USERNAME: MISS—LILAC

SUB / SWITCH / DOM 

M / F / O 

FETISHES: Sadomasochist, Degradation, Humiliation, Pegging, Overstimulation, Edging, Crossdressing, Exhibitionism, Mutual Masturbation, Dacryphilia, Shibari/Gags/Bondage, Wax Play, Impact Play, Breath Play, General Sensation Play, Discipline, Collaring, Begging. Willing to try most things. 

BIO: Interested in submissive males of any experience level. Helps if you're interesting and like to read and watch indie films. Looking for genuine connection and plenty of good banter. Curly hair is nice too. lol.

Before Spencer can think about it for too long his mouse clicks over that stupid little message button next to your profile. Spencer shakes his head at his own existence as he types you a message. Says you're online right now, but Spencer's sure he won't get a response for a while.

DOC187: Seems I fit who you're interested in. I even have the curly hair.

Spencer chews on his nails anxiously before he sighs at himself. He has no clue what's gotten into him belle before he can think he sees your 3-dotted bubble pop up. He feels his body wracked with nerves.

MISS—LILAC: I'm guessing you like to read and watch indie films too?

Spencer smiles. You seem interesting and the fact that the two of you were just talking normal was making Spencer happy.

DOC187: Indeed. I'm a sucker for 15-century literature and anything in Russian and foreign language. You?

MISS—LILAC: 15th century huh? I'll assume Chaucer. And Russian? You're interesting, doc. I'm more modern and English, hope you're not deterred.

Spencer smiles, surprised that you recognize an author as niche as Chaucer. He shakes his head at your commentary. He almost forgets that both of you are on a BDSM dating site and the irony doesn't escape him.

DOC187: Deterred? Never. I think you're rather interesting too, Miss Lilac.

MISS—LILAC: Ever the gentleman doc. I'm hoping you won't run away if I ask you more personal questions.

Spencer swallows. He types back quickly.

DOC187: What kinds of questions?

MISS—LILAC: If it's okay, you're real name and what you do. My names Y/N, and I'm a florist. I live in DC and I love romance novels.

Spencer smiles. He appreciates you laying down the path for him, knowing the stakes.

DOC187: My names Spencer and I work for the FBI. I also live in DC, and I love magic.

MISS—LILAC: Magic? I'd love for you to show me sometime.

Spencer swallows. Part of him feels like it's a stupid idea to ask you out so early but if you asked, he'd likely say yes. He decides to wait it out.

DOC187: I'd be more than happy to show you.

MISS—LILAC: I suppose you could send me a video but that's not the same as seeing the magic in real life, now is it?

Spencer is smiling like an idiot at this point. He shakes his head a little, jittery.

DOC187: Infinitely better live, I would say.

MISS—LILAC: Seems like I've found an excuse to ask you on a date then. Saturday's work for me but I'm sure it depends on you, FBI man. Before that, I'm gonna drop my number and I'll be expecting your call. (XXX-XXX-XXXX)

Spencer giggles. It's a little out of range for things he's used to doing, giggling aloud for someone else is certainly new. Spencer picks up his phone and dials away, anxious to call you but excited nonetheless. He heard you pick up the phone and his heart catches in his throat.

"Hello?," Your voice is smooth, and a little bit lower than he was expecting. It sounds pretty.

"Hello, Y/N," Spencer says back. He heard you laugh on the other side and can't help the way his heart flutters.

"Lovely to talk to you doc,"

"Still Doc? Not Spencer?" Spencer questions. You smile on the other side of the line.

"Doc seems to fit you. But, for the sake of formality, hello Spencer,"

"I like Doc too, but it feels like I should have a nickname for you as well. Only seems fair," Spencer says laughing quietly.

"If it's your prerogative you can call me Miss Lilac, or just Miss but..." you trail off for a minute. Spencer squints.

"Miss is a title, you know? Doesn't seem fair for you to call me that when I haven't earned it from you yet. I'm sure we'll get there but for now you can just call me Y/N," you say softly. Spencer blushes bright red, his voice betraying him as he speaks.

"O-Oh, well um - where does the name Lilac come from? Normally people go with their names when it comes to stuff like that," Spencer says shyly. He heard you laugh on the other side of the phone and blushes again, grateful you can't see him.

"I love the language of flowers and flowers themselves. It's a way to speak that not many people know - but I like the meaning and look of lilacs. White lilacs represent purity, so that was a bit of irony, but light purple lilacs mean first love," you say carefully.

"First love?," Spencer asks. You bite your lip for a moment.

"I joke that BDSM is my first love since it's such a big part of my life. Not as big as some but not small for certain. It gave me much needed confidence so I joke that it was my first," You say lightly. You hear Spencer giggle on the other side and you smile.

"What about your username? Any significance to DOC187 that I should know of?," you readjust your seat on your couch as you talk. Spencer grows a bit embarrassed.

"I normally introduce myself as Doctor Spencer Reid for work, not a medical doctor but I have three PhD's," Spencer admits. You raise your brows but hear the hesitation in his voice.

"Very, very impressive doc. What about the 187? It could be a plain ol' number but my guess would be otherwise,"

"That's my IQ, actually. I don't think intelligence can be boiled down and quantified like that but I couldn't think of anything else," Spencer explains.

"So you're a certified genius with 3 PhD's? To say I'm impressed is an understatement. Anything else impressive you'd like to tell me before I totally pick your brains," you say a little shocked.

"You wanna pick my brains?," Spencer asks. You wanna laugh at the irony of such a silly question from such an intelligent man but you refrain.

"Who wouldn't?," you say incredulously. Spencer smiles shyly.

"The only other thing is that I can read 20,000 words per minute," Spencer says trying to deflect. Your jaw dropped before but it manages to unhinge a little further.

"There's a lot to get to know about you Doctor Reid,"

"I'm sure it's the same for you," Spencer replies.

"Guess we'll have to find out won't we?," you say smiling.

Damn, Spencer got lucky. Hopefully he'd get to find out soon

_____

"Reid, are you listening?," Derek's voice snaps Spencer out of his entranced state. His smiling expression snaps up to look at Derek who looks a little exasperated.

"Sorry, what was that?," Spencer asks back. Derek puts down the case file they were working on. They had just finished a case and needed to complete some paperwork before submitting it for review and to be used in court. The job was given to him and Morgan and Spencer was evidently distracted.

"Alright, kid - what is up with you? All case you've been checking your phone non-stop and spacing out, all smiles and giggles. C'mon now kid, seriously. You got a little lady at home waiting for you or is there something else I don't know about?," Derek interrogates. Spencer doesn't really know what to make of it, though it's not really in his interest to hide you, it hasn't really come up with anyone on the team yet so it was proving difficult to decide what to do. The smile on his face manages to appear again as he starts to think about you, the tips of his ears red.

"Reid," Morgan says again, with a small look of irritation.

"Her names Y/N," Spencer blurts out faster than he can't think. Derek gives him a huge grin, holding his hand out to dap Spencer up. Spencer just looks at it confused for a second before getting the memo.

"'My man," Derek says chuckling. Before Spencer can continue Prentiss, JJ, and Garcia walk in. Hotch is the only one missing, and Spencer's a little grateful.

"What are we celebrating in here you guys?," Prentiss asks first. Spencer goes to say something to move away from his sudden confession but Derek is quick to cut him off.

"Our boy genius over here got him a little lady," Derek announces. The whole team erupts in questions and Spencer wants to bury himself.

"Congratulations, Spencer!! How long have you two been dating?," Prentiss asks.

"You guys are so dramatic. It's only been two months but no first date because well..." Spencer trails off. JJ just nods her head.

"Duty calls, I'm guessing" JJ finishes. Spencer nods deflated hearing Emily draw a breath between her teeth.

"That's tough, Spence,"

Just as Spencer goes to give a response back he gets a text from you that makes his day a little better. It's a selfie of you at work, a picture your employee must've taken of you in a room full of new flower deliveries. You're giving Spencer a toothy grin as you hold a bunch of gardenias in your hand.

Y/N 🌸: *image attachment* 

Gardenias// You're lovely + Secret Love <33

Spencer cannot control the way his whole face bunches up in a smile, as if there's no one else in the room with him. Everyone just looks at him surprised, Garcia giving him a side-eye.

"How can you guys trust this stranger? We don't even know who she is! I haven't even run any background checks on her," Garcia complains. Prentiss nudges her side.

"I don't know if it matters - look at how hard he's smiling over there," Prentiss says. Garcia reluctantly looks and can't help but sigh.

"Okay well he seems really happy but still! We don't even know her," she pouts.

"I'm sure we'll meet her soon," JJ snickers at Spencer's lovestruck expression. Derek leans over Spencer's shoulder and raises his brows.

"Is that her, kid?," Derek asks. Spencer nods, simply staring at the picture you sent. Derek whistles when he sees you - you're genuinely stunning and he's surprised to say the least.

"Hot mama, pretty boy - how'd you manage that?," Derek asks, dumbfounded. Emily rolls her eyes.

"C'mon Derek, I'm sure - oh wow," Emily leans over Spencer's shoulder to see you and is met with the same reaction. JJ and Garcia are quick to follow thereafter, both looking equally as surprised.

"She's..." JJ trails off. The rest of the team just nods as Spencer grins ear to ear.

Spencer 🐻: Beautiful, as always.

Spencer ignores the rest of the team as they look at each other in disbelief.

Y/N🌸: Me or the flowers, Doc?

Spencer🐻: Both, but mostly you.

"Wow, Spencer you're really -" Prentiss starts

"You're whipped, kid. I mean seriously whipped," Derek finishes, nodding in agreement. JJ can't help but smile, giving Spencer a small pat on the back.

"She seems lovely, Spencer. How'd you two meet?," JJ says. Garcia stands around looking rather suspicious. A blush creeps onto Spencer's neck as he's reminded of how you two met.

"Online," Spencer says shortly. No one decides to question it, and Spencer thanks every god he can think of.

"Have you two FaceTimed yet? How can we know she's not, I don't know - catfishing you? Or scamming you in some other cyber criminal way?," Garcia sounds distressed. Spencer gives a small smile.

"We fall asleep over FaceTime every night," Spencer admits. Penelope's expression falls, and Prentiss gives a smile.

"That is disgustingly cute," JJ says laughing.

"Okay, well - I'm still running a background check on her," Garcia says stubbornly "But, I'm happy for you,"

"Thanks Garcia," Spencer mumbles out as he texts you again.

Y/N🌸: I wanna see you, love

Spencer blushes red as he reads your message. The word love makes his whole face hot.

Spencer🐻: I can't take a selfie for my life

Y/N🌸: You're with your team aren't you? Get them to take a picture of you.

Spencer wants to fold away, not ever really being the picture type, but how could he ever deny you.

Spencer🐻: How could I ever say no to you?

"Hey guys, can one of you take a picture of me for Y/N?" Spencer asks embarrassingly red. The whole team sends him a look of surprise.

"I'll take it Spence, try not to look as uncomfortable as you do right now," JJ says. The whole team refrains from laughing as Spencer gives an awkward smile. He thanks JJ who hands him back his phone before texting you again.

Spencer🐻: *image attachment* You owe me one

Y/N🌸: you're stunning as always. hadn't seen you in so long I almost forgot what you looked like.

Spencer🐻: stunnings an interesting choice of words.

Y/N🌸: I said what I said, doc. 

Spencer can't help but do a little giggle, that causes the whole team to give him a look. Morgan just shakes his head, shrugging. Emily, JJ, and Garcia just look at each other before the room draws into a subtle but comfortable silence as Spencer just smiles, totally unaware of how whipped he happened to look. He didn’t seem to mind either way. 

___

"How was work?," Spencer asks over the phone, kicking his shoes off as he looks into his fridge for something to eat. He hears you sigh on the other side of the line.

"Busy today - wedding season is coming up so tons of calls for centerpiece designs and costs. It's going well though, business couldn't be better," you say, clearly tired yet content. Spencer gives a small smile and feels relieved that things are going okay for you.

"That's really good. I'm glad you're feeling alright," Spencer replies. You ease into the couch as you talk to Spencer, relaxing by the second. 

"What about you, FBI man? You have an okay day?," Your voice is full of a gentle concern that Spencer appreciates.

"Yeah, just paperwork and JJ said that we shouldn't have any upcoming cases this week to be worried about so I have the weekend off," Spencer says without thought.

"Have any special plans for the weekend?," you say cheekily. Spencer, still not having caught on, shakes his head for a second.

"No, why?,"

"Hm... well - would you like to go on a date with me then Doctor Reid?," You ask, giggling. Spencer's eyes widen in realization as he facepalms for a moment.

"Wow, I didn't even think... yes - yes I would love to go on a date with you Y/N," Spencer says laughing at his own misfortune. You shake your head instinctively, but the growing smile and even further growing adoration makes it hard to sit still.

"Hey, Spencer," you say, butterflies filling your stomach.

"Yeah?"

"I really like you,"

____

Saturday comes quicker than Spencer can really understand. You told him not to worry about what the days plans would be but he can't help it. Anxiously awaiting you in front of the cafe that the two of you were supposed to meet at, in a part of town Spencer hasn't really seen before. You said that you'd lead the way and the irony isn't lost on him.

"Spencer?," Your voice is small, as you call out to what you think is Spencer Reid. Of course, you'd seen him before but to see him in person like this was still so unfamiliar. His head shoots up, eyes searching for you. He's delighted to have found you, certainly that was true as he walks towards you. Your arms envelop him in a friendly hug and he can't help but find himself sinking into. You smelled sweet, like fruit and flowers (which makes sense, the more he thinks about it)

"Lovely to finally meet you, Y/N,"

"Same goes for you, doc. Would you like to be informed of our plans for the day, or do you prefer the element of surprise?,"  You ask smiling. Spencer laughs at your question.

"Details would be appreciated, but I get the feeling you're not gonna give me those."

"You're right! It's a trick question, since it's a surprise. But, promise it'll be good,"

"I'll take your word for it then," Spencer says with a small smile. You hold your hand out for Spencer which he accepts, locking his hands with yours. The affection makes him feel full of warmth, as you lead him away for the day you had planned for the both of you.

___

Spencer underestimated how well you knew him. He really, really did. It's hard to explain since Spencers been on a date before but this was so profoundly different. He's a little touched, but beyond that he's just.. surprised? Every date he'd been on before this, he'd have to play the gentleman but it never seemed like the other person was interested in just him. It was always casual small-talk over dinner, or a mid-day coffee date or something else that just felt mundane but this was beyond Spencer's imagination.

The first place you took him was a bookstore - which was in Spencers mind already a winner for best date he'd ever been on. You walked inside with him and told him he had to pick up a book for you and you had to pick up a book for him and to say his heart absolutely fluttered would be an understatement. He picked up up a copy of "The Screwtape Tales," by C.S. Lewis for you, and you gave him a copy of Shel Silverstein's "Where The Sidewalk Ends." For you, you got a glimpse to see what Spencer's sense of humor was and you gave Spencer a piece of your childhood. Both equal but opposite forms of intimacy. The only thing was Spencer had to wait to read his book because it's relatively shorter than yours and he reads 20,000 words per minute.

The next place you took Spencer was an indoor butterfly garden. Does he have to explain why that's a good date? He heard you talk about all the scientific names for the different flowers and why they attract butterflies and he wasn't sure he could crush any harder on you if he tried. A particular moment sticks out to him on which a butterfly landed on your shoulders and just stayed there like it didn't want to leave. Spencer's eyes were fixated on it the whole time - and he had never wanted to be a butterfly in his life before but he figures there's a first time for everything.

The last place, where the both of you were at now was just a small coffee shop, locally owned and supported by the community here. You told Spencer that when you started up your shop, you'd come in here to work on big orders before you'd expanded enough to have employees. Spencer admires your work ethic, much more than he could ever anticipate as he sits down at a small booth, totally covering the both of you as you return to the table with a little plate of banana bread and two iced coffees. Spencer pouts as he looks up at you, watching you flash him a grin.

"I could've helped you carry this over," Spencer complains gently. You roll your eyes.

"Maybe next time doc," you say softly. You hold back your commentary often on the date, and Spencer pretends not to notice for your sake but he'd be lying if he said he didn't wanna know. You always had something sly to say but you'd kept it from him so many times now he figures it's better if he didn't ask.

Spencer looks at you as you push a plate of banana bread towards him. He looks at you with curious eyes before reading your clearly excited face and laughs. He picks up a piece and examines it, before taking a bite. If it tasted as good as it smelled then he would be more than obliged.

The involuntary moan that escapes Spencer's throat makes you choke with laughter. Shit, you weren't kidding when you said this was the best banana bread in the city. Spencer just looks up at you like he's about to cry with joy as you double over in giggles.

"I know," You say softly, taking a bite yourself eyes filling with joy "I ordered some more for us to take home - you're welcome," you say with confidence. Spencer smiles because that is genuinely thoughtful, but it was more endearing to see you pretend it wasn't. He just shakes his head, a blush arising to his face as he looks at you. You're staring at him with intent. He quirks his brow at you in question.

"I had a good time today, Spencer" You say warmly. You only called him Spencer when you were saying something affectionate and a bit serious. He gives you a toothy smile.

"I haven't been on very many dates, but this was easily the best one I'd ever been on," Spencer says honestly. You grin ear to ear, hands carefully holding Spencer across the table, running your thumb over his knuckles for a few seconds. You couldn't say for sure whether it was too soon to ask him to be your boyfriend, but you'd be damned if you said it didn't cross your mind.

Spencer was mind-numbingly unaware of what good boyfriend material he was, but beyond that - what good submissive boyfriend material he was. It was driving you nuts, but you knew this was all new for him and you didn't wanna freak him out. Even when guys say they're interested in being submissive, they're still often times uncomfortable with you being fully dominant. Dominant in public and in bed, if you will. You wanted to pay for dates, and buy him flowers, and make him feel special too - at least on the occasion. That role came naturally to you, that let me make you feel owned type affection that only a dominant person can give. It scared men off - out of relationships, and you totally got why - but you liked Spencer too much as a person to risk iit.

Spencer holds your hands together, gathering your attention. You looked at him spaced out and he gives you a look of concern.

"You okay?," Spencer asks. You nod, chewing your lip in debate of whether or not you should express your concerns. Spencer just tugs on your hand and looks at you intently.

You sigh, looking at Spencer softly.

"I'm okay I just really like you," you say a little exasperated. Spencer laughs but is filled with relief.

"I'm glad to hear that. What else is on your mind?,"

"I really like you - like in an, I want you to officially by my boyfriend way and I hope it's not too soon but I'm just, worried I guess," you say nervously. Spencer can't help the way his heart beats in his chest when he hears you say boyfriend. God did he want to be your boyfriend.

"What're you worried about?,"

"I'm worried about freaking you out. I can be a lot since I'm... you know?," You say nervously. Spencer looks at you  to continue.

"I'm more than just dominant in bed, and for a lot of guys it's not their thing and that's their right but I like you so much. I really don't want that to happen if I ask you out now and you realize that it's not for you," you say in clear upset.

Spencer looks at you in disbelief. You were worried that he was gonna freak out over that? That you were too dominant for him? It feels like such a silly concern but the expression on your face tells him you're speaking from experience.

"I mean, it's all kinda new to me but, well - I do like how you treat me? It's a nice change, I can't imagine myself getting tired of it, or of you. I really like you too," Spencer tried his best to reassure you without totally embarrassing you. You smiles at Spencer but your face is still full of doubt.

"If that ever changes, I'll tell you but I'd really like to call you my girlfriend," Spencer finishes. You can't help the warmth that spreads in your stomach at the offer. You just nod, looking up at him. You stand and walk to Spencer's side of the booth, sliding in next to him, leaning your head into his shoulder for a few while seconds. You sit back up, and Spencer turns to you.

"Hey, doc," you say softly. Spencer hums in acknowledgement.

"Can I kiss you?," you ask softly. Spencer chews his lip and nods, looking down at your lip. You're wearing lipgloss and it makes them look pretty - you are so pretty to Spencer.

Kisses are their own language, Spencer figures. The way someone kisses you can tell you a lot about who they are - so, when you put your hands on the side of Spencer's face, pulling him closer to you with such care and adoration - Spencer can feel what you were referencing earlier. The word Miss rings out in his mind, the way you pay attention to him with your hands. He feels your lips press against his, slowly gliding your fingers in his hair, thumb brushing agains the side of his cheek. Your other hand rested on his inner thigh and he has to think about anything other than that not to get hard. Spencer didn't get how much he'd been thinking about touching you until you'd do with no hesitation and he lets out a small whine. You pull back and Spencer has to catch his breath.

His lashes blink up at you and you're absolutely beaming.

"You're cute baby,"

Baby? Spencer wants to cover his face when you say it. You kiss him again and he can't help but feel flush.

You were Spencer's girlfriend and then some and he couldn't be more happy.

[thinkingisadangerouspastime]

‘author’ self interview

thank you for the tag @itsmoonpeaches!! sorry im a few days late getting to it 😩

Name: thinkingisadangerouspastime / faerialchemist / amy

Fandoms: all of them, lmao? well, according to ffn:

Author has written 61 stories for Teen Titans, Fairy Tail, Fullmetal Alchemist, [redacted], Ouran High School Host Club, Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir, Avengers, Dragon Prince, Good Omens, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, Fruits Basket, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Avatar: Last Airbender, Falcon and the Winter Soldier, and Winx Club.

right now, i am active(ish) in atla and the mcu as well as monk and medium, although those last two don’t really have fandoms (at least not large ones, lol)

Where do you post: faerialchemist on AO3 is where my better works are, lmao, but i also post on FFN, Wattpad, and Quotev under different handles. and when i remember, i try to promo my works on Tumblr, too!

Most popular multi-chapter fic: in terms of true multichapter fics (i.e. not a oneshot collection), No Ordinary Exchange wins for hits, kudos, everything. i think that can be attributed to the fact that a) it’s long, b) it’s complete, c) it’s rayllum (most popular tdp ship), and d) it’s a college!au (a popular trope in fandom overall). although tbh, i only have like one or two other true multichaps posted, one of which is incomplete and the other of which is half-focused on an extreme rarepair, so there’s not much competition 😂

Favorite story you’ve written so far: i am going to cheat and say my favorite fics i’ve written so far are the three in my why’d you have to go and make things so complicated? series. here’s the series “summary”:

A series of (mostly) Flash Thompson-centric fics set in a canon-divergent AU beginning after Spider-Man: Homecoming. Niche headcanons*, one-sided rivals to friends (to lovers), and Flash Thompson appreciation abound! 

*Headcanons I have pioneered so far: Flash Thompson has dyslexia, Flash Thompson likes art history, Flash Thompson likes origami. Stay tuned for more. ;)

basically, it’s 50k worth of fics (so far) that serve as a testament to how much i love mcu flash thompson 🥺💛 he deserves the world!!

Fic you were nervous to post: i was pretty nervous to post one of my more recent fics, actually! the fic is called Is This Love?, and i was nervous for a few different reasons:

- it’s half sambucky, which was fine bc sambucky is popular lmao, but it’s also half sarahmay, which is a sapphic rarepair i came up with between sarah wilson and may parker. the mcu fandom has a heavy preference for mlm pairings, so i was nervous by virtue of the fic being partially wlw-centric, but it all ended up being fine! i have converted so many people to sarahmay 😤

- the fic also features my demiromantic!sam headcanon. i myself am aspec but (maybe) not demiromantic, so i wanted my portrayal to be respectful, and as such i was nervous despite everything i’d looked into prior to writing and posting the fic, lol

- it’s a multichap. multichaps make me nervous solely because they are multiple chapters. adds stressTM 😂

How do you choose your titles: song lyrics, randomly coming up with them, a specific line/word used in the fic, and brainstorming with friends are probably the main ways!

Do you outline: sure do 😤 it varies from fic to fic, so some outlines are a detailed list of events in the appropriate order, while others are a more general idea of “here’s stuff i want to include,” lol. generally speaking, though, i always try to go in with some sort of plan!

Complete: all of my recent fics are complete! (although that’s bc i primarily write oneshots 😂) on ao3, i think i only have one fic that’s truly incomplete. (oneshot collections are a weird in-between, because they essentially are always complete unless i feel like adding to them.) on ffn, though, i have four incomplete fics, three of which are from middle school. i don’t think they will ever be finished 😩

Do you accept prompts: technically, yes! but my policy is that i am under no obligation to write any of them. i write fanfic for fun and as a stress reliever, so if im not inspired by a prompt, i am not going to stress myself out trying to write for it, lol

Upcoming story you’re most excited to write about: i actually just finished writing this story today (by hand, it’s not typed yet lmao), but im gonna let it count for this question anyways! it is probably the most self-indulgent fic i’ve ever written: a monk and medium crossover. that’s right, two fandoms absolutely no one in the world cares about but me. i wrote this fic solely bc it was something i wanted to read 😂 it is - if i counted correctly - 78 1/2 pages long, which is probably in the range of 30-35k words? once i type it up (in like,, december lmao) i’ll have more specifics, although the “patching” that occurs when i type handwritten drafts could push the word count closer to 40k. but who knows? time will tell!

anyways, im just so excited about this fic bc it has so many things i like lmaooo (examples: allison whump, joe x allison content, sharona being her wonderful self, and what i hope is an interesting murder mystery!)

Stories you’re most excited to read: literally anything and everything my friends are working on! off the top of my head: @shifuaang’s tysuki fic, @praetorqueenreyna’s dark!zukaang fic, @itsmoonpeaches’s fruits basket fic, and @ambivalentmarvel’s spider kids fic 🙌

i think a lot of my atla mutuals have been tagged to do this already, so tagging some marvel friends! (this is starkravinghazelnoots, btw 💛)

tagging: @ambivalentmarvel, @friendlyneighborhoodsecretary, @lunannex, @kalliopecosmos, @omg-just-peachy, and anyone else who wants to do this! just say i tagged you 💕

[drspencerweed]

Year in Review Tag

I was tagged by @90spumkin. thank you so much for thinking of me ily. fair warning i think i literally published six things in 2020 so this list is going to be repetitive. im also not counting other fandoms (altho thats only one fic and its not finished yet so i dont really count it anyway)!

first creation + most recent creation of 2020

first up was Denied my first ever Spencer (or cm at all) fic! and most recently was Dreams Do Come True, yet another self indulgent sub!spencer piece. we’ve come full circle. 

one of your favourite creations from 2020

I think its Dreams Do Come True. it like.... poured out of me and I’m really proud of it. (also doesnt hurt that its been one of my most well received works lmao)

a creation you’re really proud of

I’m really proud of Safer To Kiss. it went a bit out of my comfort zone and I still really liked the outcome. 

a new style you tried this year & a fic that uses it

All my works that are in first person! I used to write in first person all the time but I haven’t done it in literal years, so that was wild. I think I’ll plug Spitting Facts for this one!

a creation that took you forever

Silence is Golden. It was my first ever request and for some reason writing it was like pulling teeth! But I got it done and am very proud of the results. 

your creation from 2020 that received the most notes

I was shocked to find out it’s Spitting Facts! I guess I haven’t checked the notes on that one in a while, its almost to 500! That’s fucking insane. 

a creation you think deserved more notes

Safer to Kiss. Its my least amount of notes, and I love the reader character in it. 

a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it

Criminal Minds is my new fandom. I joined in October (wild!) and the only fic I haven’t linked yet is Lighter Clicks, so that one. 

a creation you made that breaks your heart

I don’t really write angst, so none of my fics break my heart. they are all there to heal it. 

a ‘simple’ creation that you really love

This little concept I wrote about Spence dating an extrovert. 

a creation that was inspired by another one

None for 2020 but I am filling a request that has a slight nod to @squiggledrop‘s ficmas. i wouldnt say the fic itself was inspired by it but one little detail was. 

a favourite creation created by someone else

this is .....impossible for me. I read so much fic. Go through my tag, fic rec, and read everything thats there. My two fave authors right now are @homoose and @reidscanehand so especially read anything they’ve ever done. (I mean that literally. i scour both of their masterlists constantly just in case I’ve missed even one fic) 

I will also give a special shout out to the fic that inspired me to finally start writing my own for this fandom, and thats Be Patient by @zhuzhubii

thank you again for tagging me! this was so much fun! 

I am gonna tag anyone who wants to do it! I know a lot of people have already been tagged as I’m a bit late to the game, so basically if you haven’t yet been tagged and want to do it, take this as your sign. this was a really fun exercise and an interesting way to look back on my time in this fandom. ily all thank you for making 2020 a little bit more bearable. 

[inyoursheets]

i got tagged by the lovely @missmaxime to do this fic writer tag game thingy!

Talk about the fics you wrote and tag 10 other authors you’d like to hear a little about their own insight of their writing!

* Favourite fic? And why?

warm water. i got......overwhelmingly emotionally invested in it. and i cant believe it’s over?!?!?!?! now what am i supposed to do w all my feelings?

anyway idk, i think it’s my favorite bc it has most if not all my favorite things, in terms of tropes, themes, setting, feelings. i really have a sense of the space they share so writing it felt like wandering around their apartment. and then stabbing them, repeatedly, with angst. plus i love the intimate friendship between them and just, messing with that?

and it’s the first longer fic ive ever written! ive been working on it for months, it’s been my pandemic buddy. makes it hard to compare to other fics bc they’re all a lot shorter and tend to be heavy on the smut, not so much on the plot. and it’s gonna be a while before i’ll so much as start another multichapter fic! so! it’s special!

(ok wait let me save your dash)

* Most intimate fic you’ve written?

id definitely say warm water, bc intimacy was pretty central to the fic as a whole? the intimacy of their friendship, how entangled their lives are, the whole dance of feelings? it also feels intimate bc of how much i accidentally injected my own feelings into the fic, so the vibe reads more intimate to me than any other fic ive written so far, but i think the quick exes!fic i wrote is a close second. or, maybe not that close. the intimacy in warm water gets a lot more space to grow thanks to the size of the fic and the slowburn aspect. but there’s something intimate there, too.

or....actually wait, i just opened my author page on ao3 and saw a fic i completely forgot i ever wrote that’s pretty intimate, too. how do i even... say that? is about learning how to communicate during sex, which, id classify that as intimate, despite it being 2k of smut? and in a sense the threesome fic is intimate as well. ok maybe i enjoy writing intimate fics? but warm water definitely wins

* A fic you’re ‘meh’ about?

uhhh well, in terms of quality, definitely my first fic, the bounce house guy!AU. and tbh, if the short pwps that followed would disappear, i wouldn’t lose any sleep. that said, for some reason, i have a lot of mixed feelings about the exes!AU i wrote? even tho i dont hate it in terms of the writing per se. ive mentioned it before, idk, i think it’s bc i wrote it so quickly and purely bc i was stuck with warm water and the instigator and i wanted a distraction. i need closure!? there was just a lot of crying ??? so im debating writing an epilogue a few years into the future (cough, wedding, cough). it’s at the bottom of my WIP list tho

* Which fic is best received by readers? And why do you think that is? And does it surprise you?

warm water for sure. i dont comprehend the stats for that fic, i dont comprehend the response to that fic as a whole, im absolutely blown away. safe to say i didnt expect it! mmm idk why exactly... i guess people like slowburn fics? and there weren’t that many friends-to-lovers fics (or roommate AUs for that matter) in the fandom as far as i can tell? but im not sure

i was also very surprised by the response to the beth/rhea/rio fic i wrote for ggpat2020 tbh. i didnt expect that many people to be into it.

* A fic you wrote for fun that now you’re oddly very proud of?

i definitely wrote both installments of the grocery store manager!AU just for fun and im pretty fond of them. i didnt tell anyone except @medievalraven i was working on the first part, which helped really write it for no one but myself. and part 2, oh my goodness, i just keep adding pieces of dialogue and sex positions and stuff just bc i like em. they serve no purpose. truly just for funzies.

although, slowly a plot started taking shape so now unfortunately i need to actually think about what im writing for the second chapter of part 2, but.....yes, very much a self-indulgent fic that im happy with no matter the response bc im writing it just to please myself

tagging @bathroombreaks, @mrslackles, @fairhairedkings, @storiestoldbyjazz​, @sdktrs12, @lilliloves, and anyone else who hasnt done this yet soz

[seijorhi]

asks :)

Y’all know the drill - general asks and stuff under the cut 💕

I JUST FOUND OUT THAT KUROO'S VA VOICES HAWKS SO I LOOKED UP A CLIP REAL QUICK AND NOW IM IN LOVE SO IMA INDULGE MYSELF WITH YOUR HAWKS FICS DHDHSJSJ #TY4THEMEAL

I... did not know this. But you know what? It makes sense. I am a whore for both of them so?? Also I hope you liked the Hawks stuff asdfghjkl

Don't feel pressured to pump out fics in a constant rate we're always gonna wait patiently for that premium quality 👌

Bby, darling, sweetheart. I will always feel pressure to pump out fics at a constant rate. It’s who I am, and more importantly, it’s what y’all are here for so I try my best to keep things coming consistently(ish). But thank you!!

I think its interesting how the upperclassmen would just gradually be corrupting the lower class men on each respective team. Oh? Hinata thinks one of his classmates is cute? He should follow them home to make sure they get there okay. Someone told Tsukki they already had a boyfriend? He should take out the competition. Etc.

CORRUPTION!! Yaaaas!! I can definitely see Suga doing something like this. He’s just wants the best for his juniors, he can see their little heart eyes all the way across the gym (yes, even Tsukki’s), but they just need a lil help going after what they want 👀Out of all of them though - I think he’d do the most damage with a sweetheart like Tadashi oop

I hope you're doing well!!! 🥺💕 Here's a small reminder to please drink some water and take care of yourself 🥺

Water is not my issue, bby, it’s sleep lol, but thank you!! Make sure you look after yourself too!!!

Yo! I loved the new fic! May I ask the inspiration behind Ichiro's name ? You don't need to answer if you don't want to

Thank you so much!! It was super fun writing for Inarizaki! As far as Ichiro’s name - i did a very fancy thing and googled names and chose one that I liked the ring of and was different enough from the other named characters in hq haha

I love all your writings. I would read them again and again and again and again because they are just soooo good. *Chef's kiss*. But I really like your soulmate AU and I'm hoping to see more (no pressure tho). Love you bb!

I have one or two soulmate requests still in my inbox - most of them are poly with 2 or more characters which I feel like I kinda set myself up with when I wrote like nobody else haha. I’m also considering doing one for Kuroo, but again it’d be super self indulgent and I’m not sure y’all aren’t gonna get tired of the same kinda themes haha. And thank you, bby!

Yaaaaas! I'm so excited for your upcoming works! Plus Ultra! Hahahaha! Srysly tho, I'm really excited. Your works are always worth the wait 💓

Ahh thank you! I always hope they’re worth the wait!!

oh my GOD your writing is my favorite ever !! somehow you write EXACTLY what i want to read and i will never get tired of it. just want to thank you for existing and putting out content <3

asdfghjkl Thank you so much, y’all have no idea how happy it makes me to read stuff like this 💕

pls stop feeding us sksksksksksjjsksjs gift wrap part three suga and DAICHI!!!!!!!!!! ur making be bark bark bark grr woooffff all week long 😭😭😭😔🖐

So... just stop writing altogether??? Lmao. But I am pumped to write for daddy Daichi because nobody has asked for anything with him in it yet! Which is v rude in my opinion - why are y’all sleeping on him? Also, pairing him with (well, sorta) Suga is some top tier stuff ngl!

[hydrospanners]

fic masterlist: swtor

at the request of literally no one, i’ve created a masterlist of all my swtor fic. first is a chronological collection of all the swtor fic i’ve written in my “canon”. it’s broken up into snippets of time relative to the events of swtor. aus and gift fics are at the end. this is more for me than anything else, but if you have a bunch of time on your hands and want to read some fic--enjoy!!!

i am the most self-indulgent author known to man so there are numerous fics that don’t feature any canon characters in any significant way. i’m not sorry, but i did mark them with an asterisk for everyone’s edification. i also wrote actually vaguely descriptive descriptions instead of whatever bullshit i put in the descriptions on ao3. all links go to ao3 because tumblr was not designed for reading and it shows.

53 fics below the cut... what a trip, y’all.

backstory these fics are about things that happened before the opening of the class story. 

* a very velaran life day - snippets of different life days in the velaran family history. no canon characters in it yet, but maybe this christmas i’ll get to some fics that aren’t solely about my own ocs.

* the shape of things to come - the story about how rea finally joined the jedi at the ripe old age of sixteen.

* a dimming star - the first steps on rea’s jedi path. they aren’t fun ones, lads!

* necessary sacrifice - like three years down the timeline and still no canon characters! rea continues to struggle with this whole being a jedi thing, and it continues to struggle with her! this one features a haircut as a symbol of a turning point in the story.

bars and stripes - canon characters??? in my fic????? its more likely than you think. this is a shameless ripoff of an episode of m*a*s*h masquerading as doc backstory. does it have cameos and/or mentions of other healer companions? maybe!!!

prelude these are fics set during the prologue of the class stories, everything that happens between the start and completing the capital planet missions. 

* memories - rhese? do you finally get a say in all this??? this is the moment rhese and rea finally see each other for the first time since they were recruited to the jedi, set at the very start of the class story.

attachments - kira and rea talk about rhese. that’s it. that’s the fic.

act one all the stories set between killing tarnis and beginning preparations to capture the emperor (everything after coruscant ending and pubside balmorra starting). rip orgus. one day ill finish all those wips about how sad it was when he bit it. in the mean time, can i interest you in some gifsets?

lessons - now rea’s padawan, kira reflects on how bad rea is at teaching, though maybe without as much clarity as i just implied.

a tangled web - so stupid it’s basically crack, kira has to rescue rea from an embarrassing situation.

of flowers, failure, and the virtues of friendship - kira and rhese start to bond over the shared torment of having to be around rea. rivals to friends (one day i’ll write the “to lovers” part that comes after).

act two all the stories during the time when the knight is prepping for the assault on the emperor’s fortress and then assaulting it. everything between pubside balmorra starting and breaking free from the emperor’s fortress after that super successful plan to bring him in alive. great job jedi!

filling the table - is that shipfic????? the reason i started writing swtor fic in the first place??? this is rea being thirsty disguised as me sewing seeds for the eventual doc x rea romance. pazaak themed for some reason? (doc x rea)

when the wicked play - this is me being obsessed with the translation of video game violence to vaguely realistic circumstances posing as doc feeling some kind of way about rea murdering a whole bunch of dudes who wanted to hurt her but weren’t powerful enough. not primarily romantic but definitely some setup for their relationship.

night shift -  everything is doc x rea and nothing hurts. rea’s got work to do but who can work when there’s a horny mustachio’d doctor trying to persuade her back to bed??? it’s not love it’s just good sex!!!!! honest!!!!(doc x rea)

these nights never seem to go to plan - rea isn’t yearning for affection, she’s just too tired to get out of doc’s bed after so much boning. okay maybe this is about slightly more than good sex after all... doc x rea TENDERNESS.

somewhere we’ve not been before - this is the good shit lads!!!! doc x rea!!! first dates!!!! shenanigans!!!! honest to goodness falling in love between all that fucking that do!!!!!!!!!!!! (doc x rea)

no better taste - a sequel to the last fic featuring the morning after!!! some post-horniness introspection!! tenderness!!!!!! hints of yearning!!! god i miss the days before the mind control and the carbonite when the problems were normal things like commitment and abandonment issues. (doc x rea)

heart - rea sends doc a rocking “thanks for the great sex” gift!! rhese is disgusted by every part of it! this is comedy folks!!!! (doc x rea... i guess)

interruptions - rea takes a work call while she’s boning doc. that’s the whole fic. i think this was my first spicy fic?? i can’t remember. (doc x rea)

* where you go to rest your bones - sibling tenderness!!!! their relationship is super complicated, but rhese is reminded that underneath all the bullshit rea really does love him a lot.... it’s both sad and not sad at the same time. schroedinger’s sadness.

gifts - the crew tries to plan a gift for rea, but what do you get for the woman who’s banned from everything?? so dumb it’s basically crack and i’m not sorry for it.

crapshoot - the crew takes bets on what rea’s next Bad Idea TM will be. she shows them you can’t predict chaos. basically crack but i don’t care.

spoonful of sugar - vignettes about the jedi knight crew dealing with sickness. almost entirely comedy and/or fluff. doc x rea content is present and rhese x kira content is suggested.

a little eggstra - grocery shopping gone awry, based on an old tumblr text post. hella stupid, yet hella fun. doc x rea is in the background.

to break our bones for kindling - you thought we were just having good times??? you’re a fool. doc’s job is to heal people and rea’s job is to break them. sometimes they have work-related disagreements!!! be sad with me. doc x rea.

* when a problem comes along, you must whip it - i can only stop being stupid for so long, so here’s the story about how rea came to possess her lightwhip, the stupidest weapon known to man. these events do not go well for rhese.

things unsaid - a dumb doc x rea drabble about stupid shit rea says when she’s been mortally wounded. if doc were to just let her die, no one would blame him.

* the things you do for love are gonna come back to you one by one - a bit of a character/relationship study about what rhese is willing to sacrifice for love of his sister, no matter how complicated things are between them. a second chapter about what rea sacrifices for rhese is in my wips and will be completed... .eventually. 

lovesick - doc x rea ship content. my interpretation of that one conversation where doc’s like “hey would your jedi powers tell me if im going crazy also do you love me? check yes or no. i will not elaborate.”

* the things we left behind - oh no lads.... we’re building up to the fortress shit.... our good times are over. rea does some underhanded shit to make sure her brother doesn’t go on this mission to capture the emperor cause the plan does not seem like a great one.

act three wow wasn’t act two fun??? so much silly nonsense and love. now get a drink assholes it’s Time To Be Sad. act three covers everything in the class stories after coming back from that super successful assault on the emperor’s fortress (great job jedi!) to finally stabbing the bastard in the dark fortress and hoping that gets the job done at last. (spoilers: it doesn’t!!!!!) aka stories from belsavis to the final assault on dromund kaas.

everything we left there - it’s trauma time!!! rea’s fucked up from the fortress and feeling the pressure (thanks for the prophecy scourge!!! love that!!!!) so she hurts people she cares about to protect them. it’s her signature move!

the only thing that’s real - rea continues to be fucked up from what happened on the fortress but hey... at least she isn’t fucked up alone??? sad doc x rea content.

into the jungle - the gang is on belsavis and no one is having a good time! since rea isn’t herself, doc tries to pick up the slack and reassure kira that it’ll all be okay! it goes about as well as you’d expect.

interlude now that i’m looking at it, there are some serious gaps in my fic coverage. anyway, sad hours are over, the emperor is (kind of but not really) dead and there may still be a war on but things are looking up! this covers everything between the emperor’s death and the beginning of kotfe, including forged alliances and the shadow of revan.

hands too hungry - doc finally takes rea on that honeymoon she didn’t really care about in the first place! tragically, rea is way too horny to be impressed by what an amazing vacation he planned for himself them. peak rea x doc content.

no kind of romantic - it’s doc and rea’s one year anniversary but they are both working on opposite sides of the galaxy. sad! it’s doc x rea fluff disguised as angst.

a little help from a friend - rea and theron are worst/best friends and i recycle romance tropes into annoying friendship ones. this is the least sexy sharing body heat fic you’ve ever (not?) read. bite me.

retirement - rea has some feelings about her very violent, stressful job and how it interferes with her husband doing things that actually help and heal. doc x rea content.

the dreaded kotfe content these are sad hours!!! this is everything from arcann’s invasion on, cause i’m not breaking it up by post-carbonite storyline you bastards. i don’t know why i’m being so hostile no one asked me to do this.

every doubt we had - after watching what may have been his sister’s death by exploding starship, rhese is having trouble sleeping. no one is more surprised than him when seeks out doc for comfort! doc & rhese brothers by marriage solidarity. carbonite angst...

love is a waiting game - rea’s been MIA for six months since the ship she was on bit it and her crew is finally making some changes. doc is sad about it. doc & rhese brothers by marriage solidarity again. doc x rea angst.

waiting - some time has passed and now rhese is the sad one again!!! grief is so funny isn’t it??? hahahaha haha hahahaha why is no one else laughing? doc & rhese brothers by marriage solidarity yet again.

the greatest distance - rea’s back baby!!!! oh but this isn’t a celebration. she’s taking a tour of her long lost ship now that all the people she loved aren’t in it. it’s a sad one, fellas. 

* when the stars are the only thing we share - rea tracks down some people from her past to help her track down her brother since he went missing while she was having a nap. no canon characters were used in the making of this fic.

leave her sleeping a little longer - rea has a dream and wakes up missing doc even more than she was before. sad hours. doc x rea angst.

take back what the kingdom stole - after theron pulls some Shenanigans (you know the ones) his friendship with rea is in peril. they both break character and actually talk shit out for once.

a wish your heart makes - rea dreams a dream. so does doc. it’s a wet one. this makes it sound lighthearted but actually it’s angst with a side of porn. doc x rea supreme spicy/sad content.

overserved - back to crack baby!! rea gets drunk and acts a fool based on a joke made in a discord server. this is the best shit i’ve ever written.

thrusting back into my skin i feel anew - the band is back together again and everything is fine!!!! just kidding -- actually people change a lot in six years and rea and doc are having some trouble fitting back into the marriage they had back then. doc x rea angst but with a hopeful ending!

non-canon fics i’ve written a couple of things with my dumb characters that are too stupid even for me to put into their canon story or are otherwise aus. these are them, listed in no particular order.

the lies we tell ourselves - a sadder (yet possibly more realistic) take on the ossus reunion and what follows. a bit experimental. doc x rea angst au.

archiban frodrick’s kennel - a romance au where doc is a vet and rea has a pet with a health issue, inspired by my own stupid dog whom i love very much. doc x rea. spiciness suggested but not detailed; sorry horndogs.

fallen - a fun au where rea’s shittiness as a teacher and everything being bad leads to kira falling to the dark side... its angst lads.

the new recruit - rusk’s squad adopts a kitten. that’s the fic.

cruel - ever wonder how things would have turned out if rea was never smuggled off eriadu and got plucked up by the sith?? no??? well i have and i wrote about it. the self-indulgence never ends.

fill my lungs with sweetness - a gift fic for @hoiist; flower-themed vignettes about doc expressing his love for hoiist’s knight, vii. this is some real soft shit, lads.

remember me, love - another gift fic for @hoiist; this time some ossus-flavored angst about doc seeing through vii’s eyes in his dreams. what he sees is not comforting!!! all aboard the angst train--choo choo!!

[corpus-chorus]

So. I havent been on AO3 in a while, but yesterday for some reason I decided to dip my toes back in and take a peek at some of my favorite authors. To my delight I discovered a few of your works that I hadnt seen before. I dont know if this was your intention or its just the way I am, but that end to ‘I try to picture me..’ made me very emotional. Im not gonna get into details mainly because Im about to hit the limit but since ao3 wont let me. Here are some extra kudos for you. Great job dude.

Okay, first of all, hdkfsjldkhlajha

Second of all, god, that fic was a really emotional one for me to write - it had been in my head since before I wrote pull the blackout curtains down, and it was a hell of a thing to finish (it sat in my drafts for a good few months before I managed it). But it was just . . . there was a lot to that story in my head, a lot of really complicated feelings, and I struggled to get it where I wanted it, but I think I’m pretty happy with the result.

The main thing I wanted was just to write something focused on unhealthy codependency, and on perception, on building relationships on lies and bluffing, about not being able to read someone else’s mind, and you have to go off of little details to build the big picture, and it’s just hard and painful, especially in a situation like that, where someone keeps pushing for something they know isn’t good for them, but they can’t not seek it out.

The ending was definitely my favorite part though. I wanted to leave it with that bit of hope, and some degree of understanding, and a kind of acceptance, and just a hint of what’s going on in Dark’s head. And I’m not gonna lie, the little figurines may be my favorite piece of symbolism I’ve ever written, as self-indulgent as they were.

I’m really really glad it impacted you enough to come give me extra kudos here jfkdlsfjlka I really appreciate that. Seriously, it’s not a popular fic of mine, but it holds a lot of meaning to me, so it just means a lot that you took the time to come tell me

[maternalcube]

i did an art summary so now im doing a fic summary. i was tagged by @jamthedingus also!! ive never done one of these before!! lets go!!!

Rest (13106)

Keith & Lance's Island Adventure (20631)

Atlantis (10014 words)

The Way to a Man’s Heart (6858 words)

nobody's business (2096 words)

leave, and take (557 words)

dead girl walking (1661 words)

the course of fate (1039 words)

who ya gonna call (465 words)

come here often? (806 words)

til kingdom come (1950 words)

stars in the sky (pt 2) (5404 words)

a song of falling (630 words)

Eyes to the Sky (3683 words)

Feet on the Ground (4050 words)

Divergence (6669 words)

homecoming (1426 words)

Window of Opportunity (11144 words)

along that wilderness of glass (3801 words)

string theory (2327 words)

Katt Week (1062 words)

The Pining-Plant (3860 words)

at the end of many worlds (21684 words)

you're my home (19646 words)

Believe Me (3177 words)

Starchild (3568 words)

Summer Heat (2285 words)

third time's the charm (5349 words)

Blackbird (59546 words)

The Sixth Planet (9444 words)

all the infinite realities (1197 words)

Total Fics: 31! (plus one i posted anonymously lmao) Total Words: 229999! (except parts of string theory and the sixth planet were actually posted last year... but still, what a number)

more under the cut!

Ship/character breakdown: i didnt filter out my prompt collection or abandoned wips here so /shrug Ship breakdown:

klance - 6 sheith - 5 shance - 5 katt - 4 heith - 3 pallura - 2 and one each of plance, kallura, allurance, shatt, shkatt, kidge, kidgance, and shunk. and keiths parents lol. let it never be said i am not a multishipper.

and i know gen isnt a ship but it tied with klance at 6 (plus whatevers in the prompt collection) which was a surprise

Character breakdown: man if theres a way to get ao3 to show me ALL the stats, i dont know it. but.

keith - 25 (shocker) shiro - 23 lance - 21 pidge - 17 hunk - 16 allura - 12 matt - 12 and then coran and sam are at 4, and zarkon ats 3 and presumably many others are at 3 or less

Characters that had the main focus: well ~9 were from keiths pov, and ~5 each from shiro and lances povs. i think i also had ~5 from multiple points of view. its safe to say that keith has my heart tho lol

Specifics:

Best/worst title? Best title: i still like “at the end of many worlds.” i weirdly still like “Blackbird” too even if it has nothing to do with anything... Worst title: “Rest.” :/ also like all of the abandoned wips bc i didnt care. and “Keith & Lance's Island Adventure.″ some of my zine fic titles were also... bad. im bad at titles.

Best/worst first line?

Best: Keith & Lance's Island Adventure. ok the title is bad but this line? this really sets the tone for whole fic. you know what youre getting yourself into here.

When Pidge invited Keith to a fully-funded graduation party aboard the Holt family boat (“the smaller one, anyway,” she’d said), this is not exactly what he'd pictured: three of them standing on a wobbly dock, packed bags at their feet, sky cloudy and gray, while the Holt siblings stand on a little ledge off the back of the boat and deny entry.

Worst: ive got two for this lol

at the end of many worlds: even i have to read this a couple times to figure out what i was trying to say. at least you know youre in for pain...

Keith’s mother shows up to interrupt movie night often enough that, this time, Keith almost doesn’t realize anything’s wrong. Almost, because she’s silhouetted by the movie, but she’s clutching her arm and panting for breath, and in the thin edge of light around her he sees a wet and vibrant red.

Divergence: because all your friends being dead is EXACTLY like losing at dodgeball. yeah, theres a reason i abandoned this one.

Hunk always hated playing dodgeball. Not because he was bad at it--though he was--but because he always ended up the last one standing, and therefore the only target for the entire other team. It was due to a tendency to hang unnoticed in the back, he knew, but that didn't change the sickening, empty feeling of looking around and realizing there's no one left but him, and there's no way he can win. Only wait for the inevitable.

This, Hunk decides, is a lot like that, only, like, a billion times worse.

Best/worst last line?

Best: The Pining-Plant. there are a few others that were cute too but this one is also good out of context so

And then the pod swishes open and he's scrambling to catch Pidge as she stumbles out. She clings to his arms to steady herself and his heart swells.

"Falling for me again, huh?" he asks, and she groans loudly.

"Let me go, I'm getting back in the pod," she says, and he laughs. He doesn't let go, and neither does she.

Worst: if im bad at titles, im worse at endings. most are bad. i suspect the ending to “Rest” is terrible but i cant bring myself to even open that shit again so: Believe Me. if weather were a recurring theme in this fic, itd be fine, but as is its just... a weird note to end the fic on lmao

Hunk rocks back on his heels. "We aren't counting this as our official first date, right?"

"I dunno," Keith says, and now he smiles at the rain instead of frowning. It shows no sign of easing up, but whatever—they're soaked anyway. "This seems pretty good to me."

“...All right.” If nothing else, it’ll make a good story. And, Hunk had to admit—he’s pretty happy with how it’s turned out, rain and all.

But next time, he's double-checking the forecast, just in case.

General questions:

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

more than i expected! considering ive been in grad school all year!! i wrote about the same amount wordcount-wise in 2017 which i spent only half in school so. idk how i managed it.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

the anonymous fic was a surprise but im not gonna talk about that lol. otherwise... nah, its all been my usual stuff.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

blackbird, probably. i like working on that one. summer heat was also fun, id sort of forgotten about it bc it was a zine fic but coming back to it, i really liked it. likewise with third time’s the charm. and i like t6p a lot even if i kinda hate drawing for it :’)

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

depends on your metric. window of opportunity has the most kudos, keith and lance’s island adventure has the most hits, and t6p has the most comments and subscriptions. 

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

AT THE END OF MANY WORLDS. oh man i killed myself over that fic. it was important to me. but i think the mcd scared everyone off :’)

Story that could have been better?

i realize “all of them” is kind of a cop out answer but like

Sexiest story?

i have written nothing sexy, ever, in my whole life

Saddest story?

i mean, ateomw. considering all the death. blackbird def has its moments too.

Most fun?

i feel like i answered this in the favorite story q lmao. you’re my home also gets a shoutout, that thing was,, super self-indulgent lmao. and id be lying if i said i didnt have fun with parts of ateomw, even if its mostly sad.

Story with single sweetest moment?

man i write a lot of fluff but so much of you’re my home is just tooth-rotting. heres part of the proposal scene lmao

"Lance!" Keith yelps, barely rescuing the ring from falling into the sand with them. Lance pushes himself up on his arms, silhouetted by the sun and glowing with it.

"Really?" he asks breathlessly.

"Yeah," Keith says, and maybe he should've prepared something to say, that's a thing people do, right? Hell, he's winging it. "I know we can't stay here on Earth forever, 'cause we're paladins, and there's still stuff out there we gotta do. And I know you probably want to stay because this is your home—but you're my home, and if we gotta go, at least you'll have me, good or bad." He grins crookedly. "Or rocket science. Whatever happens, I'll be there."

Hardest story to write?

well t6p gets a shoutout, but its not the writing thats the hard part for that. uhhh ive struggled with parts of blackbird. i remember k&l’s island adventure giving me a LOT of trouble, i think i posted late lol

Easiest/most fun story to write?

anything short uhhh for all the infinite realities, i kind of just sat down the other day (actually i was in bed but) and was like “im gonna write this” and then in the morning i just sat down and wrote it in one go. i dunno if id call it fun, but it was easy. t6p is super fun to write but, as mentioned, drawing it sucks.

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

no... my perceptions probably have shifted but not due to anything i wrote in particular. i did talk myself into liking allurance with a prompt fill, though, but im not sure that was 2018...

Most overdue story?

all the infinite realities lmao. at the end of many worlds needed that happy ending. and another shoutout to t6p, because thats been going on over a year and im still nowhere.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

does posting my abandoned wips count? ive still got some of those hanging around... blackbird was a bit of a risk bc my last longfic was written while i was unemployed and out of school, so like i had the time for it, and now i kinda dont. still chugging tho. ateomw b/c of all the death but it turns out i really like writing whump woops. and writing any sort of kissing always feels like a risk bc i suck at it but im getting better lol... i hope...

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

write more! finish things! do more sheith! i really want to work on this sheith longfic i came up with the other day... but i want to get blackbird over with first.

Tagging: eh! do it if you want to!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Okay so after you shared that one Ben/Kip fic the other day I went into the tag to see if there was anything else and I found your story that same day, but having no clue that it was yours (okay maybe a slight feeling that it was yours). I have to say though, I do really enjoy it, it’s lengthy and it does have jumps at times but it’s really, really enjoyable to read. Your characterization and take on Kip is the most unique I’ve seen and that’s honestly what makes the story great for me.

oh my god this is so nice lmao…i’m gonna have to finally put in the exhausting work of copy/pasting the next segment to post lol (╯﹏╰）

im glad i accidentally self advertised, that’s pretty funny…and yeah i feel like it’s not as though anyone would be like “this one blogger i dont know about definitely wrote this, the only person,” and yet its not like there’s an infinite list of suspects or fics and it’s pretty clearly like…my signature moves there, in content and gay agenda and going on way too long and what am i talking about anymore…i wondered if it might be at least sort of suspiciously me-esque. that’s funny too. and yeah from the uncertain start all the way to like last week i was like “am i gonna have kip and ben kiss hmmm” and leaving it open ended for myself but now the answer is Oh Absolutely and my resolve strengthens with every day. spoilers. only not at all spoilers. its about the journey here, not abt the mystery of the destination

umn idk anyways this is this first feedback i’ve heard from anyone else reading any of this content, and its really great to hear you actually like reading it and its not just, like, a punishment to try to force your way through, especially since what i’ve put up so far is like, mostly the oldest stuff where im like oh god i hope its at least readable…i know it kind of crashes around as i try to touch on a lot of areas all at once, since i’d supposed i’d have the whole thing wrapped up in like 100k at the most. Ha. haha…ha……..aah…if i’d known i’d now be at this point where i’m just gonna get done when i get done i’d’ve used the evergreen Kip Is Trans hc. smh

uhhhhhHh anyways yeah seriously. i’m all delicate b/c i havent shared writing in years and im painfully aware of how inconsistent i am when writing beyond like 500 words, but also hey, it could be worse. i dont even know how to look at my own interpretation of kip or describe it b/c i’m taking full advantage of the fact i can draw so heavily from my own thorough understanding of trauma and anxiodepression and etc and using it to color in these like thoughts and emotions that i don’t often try to draw b/c it’s like. tricky to draw stuff like “just excuse me while i sit here and have a silent crisis for the next few hours.” i’m going on too long as always, the point is, i also did put a nonzero amount of heart into trying to lend some earnestness to what i’m writing abt. not to be, like, a diary, but since this is indulging my dream abt kip living in peace and being kissed ninety times a day, and yet i also appreciate how negative feelings can be part of your life regardless of lack of external conflict or presence of good shit, so. i’m very much like. trying to totally embrace all the negative feelings that i wanna include, and not having this mean it excludes having security and comfort and love and shit. i’d thought about it sometimes since i have often been megadepressed while working on this lol…like veering away entirely from my intended direction…but i refuse. it’s going where it’s obviously going and has already partly gone even in the bits i’ve posted so far. like i said i’m able to make something here out of my familiarity w totally miserable feelings

nobody can say anything to me without getting an overly long meandering response lmao sorry…but thank you for this message, it’s great to get a response lol and im Heartened. i’m really glad you think its good lol…i know it’s not like it’s that bad but i still had no idea if any other person ever would wanna read it. hearing you actually enjoyed it is like beyond any of my expectations, and so is getting any feedback at all…thanks a lot and thanks for this ben/kip solidarity lol…im giving the people what they need. and what i want. 😚✨