#and ill be listening tf out of it
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i see just okay indie for chan's future solo work
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TF One D-16
#poll#maccadam#transformers#smash or pass#request#d-16#tf one#look. listen to me. i want the movie to be good. i want it to be good so badly.#but i simply do not trust it. its giving marvel movie and that has me Incredibly Fuckin Worried#because i do not want this franchise to turn into generic safe crowd pleaser action comedy allergic to genuine emotion generator no. 6483754#i do not want cliche heavy low effort lowest common denominator movie afraid to do anything even slightly weird beyond surface level#like. look. as much as i dunk on bayverse. as much as i voice my distaste for the designs and everything micheal bay has ever done#i respect the hell out of them for letting those robots be fucked up aliens#with weird nasty unfamiliar biology#and for having intense and serious and deathly somber moments#even if they butcher the characterization of some of the bots#cough cough give me your face ill kill them all optimus#im also not crazy about it looking like optimus and megatron come from the same place in the bottom of society#its so much more compelling for megs to come from the very bottom and be hyperaware of how bad everything is#whole orion has more of an everyman position. a cushy library job. not afforded luxuries but not rotting at the bottom#because then they learn from each other. orion piecing together hiw bad things get while megs picks up how in the dark the mid caste is#also genuinely truly if i have to hear bumblebee say 'well that just happened' im walking through the space bridge into a vacuum#welp. that turned into an essay. dont mind me being a hater 💖
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harpoon shipping doodle :3
w/some hcs! cause UH ofc there r!!!! uhhhh also theyre supposed 2 b like tweens in this dont ask how or where theyre hanging out ok? yay <3
IF U DONT LIKE THE SHIP PLS JUST DONT INTERACT LIKE PLS JUST DONT B WEIRD ok love u
#eyestrain#<- just in case#these spot the difference games r getting harder((roy & wally)) im joking i think i draw them vry differently#i mean they both have freckles- but wally has way brighter hair & WAY MORE freckles + a different nose & green eyes-#listen i try ok#ALSO I TRED 2 DRAW SOME ACNE ON ROY CAN U SEE IT????? its vry smallll#also ahhaha ninjago referance hehehehKJHEkjhejKHFhesFHGiuaslfa idk i just wanted 2 draw it#i mean its not a DIRECT referance but if u see it u see it!#im not super happy w/my garth tbhhhhh i didnt know exactly wtf i was doing#i wish i knew how tf 2 draw scales aaaaaahhhhhhhhh ill figure it out 1 day#bc i started liking harpoon during the tt cartoon i decided 2 pull most of my decisions from there#although theres like barely any I CAN SEE THEM#anwaysy ANWYAYS tags.....uhm#thisis the scary part LMAOOO#harpoon shipping#roygarth#garthroy#???? which 1 do ppl use??? i just call them harpoon its cuter#blehhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#roy harper#garth#i dont want 2 tag them#jfc im scared#listen if u dont like me pls block me pls i beg of u oh man#puppee art#me posting smth that isnt my usual stuff>??? weirdddd
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i'm the fury in your head i'm the ghost in the back of your head x
#ts4#sims 4#s4#the sims 4#sims#simblr#sim: jude#story tag#quick Jude pics#I rlly vibed w this one#the drums in Spanish Sahara is what he's jamming tf out to..my bb#maybe one day ill stop posing him with headphones#but he can barely go long without listening to music ...#needs smthn to fill the silence#and for some reason he looks naked without them?? lmao#this top is so cute on him#“his preferred style” Jude its just a mesh top and it shows off ur tattoos... wear these things MORE instead of big ol sweaters n pants
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some concept art for a very silly lil au ive had in mind, in which jake is a real mvp and hal gets fused with a katana-impaled seagull
honestly its just an excuse to produce god-catboy jake english content
#homestuck#jake english#hal strider#lil hal#jakehal#homestuck au#its a reverse au lets be real#still working out fine detail like how tf would they initiate a scratch#without a time player#listen ill blast out some spreadsheets and make this work like a good lil mind player i am#homestuck fanart#first time doing lineless art and its for hs au what is my life
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page 2 od Cassie angst
Hanging these right by my door, so my parents can walk in and see fucking mitski and angst on my wall.
#My room is an art gallery atp and I’m not even finished#I’m almost done with page 3#I have like 4+ to go I think? I’m gonna have a crisis#Bc I was listening to another podcast: Camp Here and There#WHY TF IS IT A SOAP OPERA?#Anyway#ill prob gatekeep page 3 mainly bc I LOVE how Cassie turned out in it#Also rip like 3 black markers for this#I try going back to traditional but my pens r like: PLS DONT#Hpma#hp magic awakened#crea’s art#silly#angst#angst art#art wip#brand new city#cassandra vole#Cassandra hpma#Also I’m home sick bc tell me why I get an infection and lose my voice in 2 weeks?#But I do get to miss a test so 💖#And I made a fun discovery:#Hot Lemon juice and honey low-key taste terrible#But warm milk and a few spoons of honey and biscuits are so cozy#Also I might be able to play hpma soon? My computer might be getting fixed soon#It was the motherboard thats old af#Anyways I hope that to all who see this experience a fuffling (idek how to spell) day (I binged 10 episodes straight of camp here and there#hpma
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im so fuckin sick rn billy joel please stop plaguing my thoughts i've got enough going on what with the plague (the cold my roommate says she definitely didn't give me that she definitely gave me but no hard feelings) and the literal wars i am fighting in school right i don't need the piano man in my skull please
#help#she really thinks she's not contagious but I'm like girl. maybe your sinus infection isn't contagious but the cold that caused it sure is.#im so fucking tired#i slept 2 hours last night#i was studying for an exam and then I was going to go to bed at 9 pm#but it is now nearly 4 am and I'm still up because something distracted me from literally sleeping#girl#you're tired#go to bed#I feel like a gust of wind could take me out rn#very ill#and fucking billy joel is in my brain and he won't stop singing#PLEASE SHUT UP#billy Joel be quiet#college is a lot#and now I have to deal with billy Joel + don mcclean popping in every once in a while to sing American pie#I don't even like that song#😭#I want to go home#please#free me from this torment#i don't even listen to billy joel's music why won't he leave me tf alone#please ignore#these are the ramblings of a girl in distress
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hour and a half unpaid overtime I think that's a new record for me. on a day where I was supposed to have no overtime no less. funny how I only have 3 of those this month and the 2 so far I've had to work overtime anyway 👍
#i shouldve left at 4:15. killing myself at work in front of everyone#well im actually not that mad ive been listening to yhe national on loop for the last 6 hours of my shift nothing can touch me#but the disrespect....#my boss came n found me at 4pm and was like hey can u do another round of this assay (<- takes an hour and a half)#and i said no!!!! bc she already gave me too much shit to do i was busy ALL DAY and still ran over like how tf do u expect me to fit MORE#she gave me 1.5 hours to do 14 samples in this one assay where each one takes 15 mins plus 5 mins prep per sample beforehand#so like 20 mins per sample THATS 4 HOURS AND 40 MINUTES and thats assuming no repeats and no troubleshooting!!!#3x the time u scheduled for me... come tf on. i need to make a table of how to calculate how long an assay takes so she stops doing this#rly not that hard just ask me how long i need for it and ill explain it to u#and then i finished up n emailed results n went to go switch lights off in the other lab and shed left samples out for me to book in. GIRL#PLEASE EMAIL ME OR TEAMS ME DONT JUST LEAVE THEM THERE.. u know im working in the main lab ALL DAY#so im not gonna fucking see them!!!! and they need to be refrigerated!!!! next time ill just leave them out overnight and when shes like#why are these samples ruined jts expensive to get more ill be like well u didnt tell me to book them in so.#anyway she moved the other assay to friday n she was annoyed i didnt fit it in earlier but WHERE. WHERE WAS I MEANT TO FIT IT IN!!#also i have 2 separate multi hour assays booked friday already so good luck im out of the door at 4:15 if its not done its not done idc#ughhhh. if the bus is late too im going back to my work and blowing the building up#WHAT. EVER!!!!!!!#.diaries
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...
#head instructor to the TAs in the lab section i TA for: how r u guys feeling abt the workload?#me who hasnt graded anything since week 1 and spent an hr that morning filling out a patient safety plan: 🙃#listen. we r experiencing symptoms that make us shitty at our job. which is not helpful for a positive outlook#i was also experiencing horrible cramps at the time bc i lost my ibuprofen and 2 days ago i stopped the birth control in a desperate effort#to stop feeling terrible. but in this moment i feel alright. its wild to go from drastically unhappy to like lol wtf was that? anyway stop#being a bby loser. for no obvious reason. im gonna start the birth control again to see if i get depressed again or if that was just me lol#i dont think my therapist understands the depth of my executive functioning issues tho. bc im a grad student and can meet deadlines. like#let me tell u im a fucking disaster abt starting things. i will go back and forth and get nothing done forever. or i do things halfway and#make everything 30 times more difficult later bc no one else understands how my brain works#ah well. itll b fine. sometimes i just get freaked out that i wanna b better and i dont kno how to do that. so i spiral in despair a lil#ill b fine. im good at catching myself before i get too out of control. annoyingly tho i am not currently beating the bip0lar allagations#bc whatever tf is wrong with me i do probably fit the diagnostic criteria for bip0lar 2. i dont kno y that freaks me out so much. i guess#its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively#health conscious to the point my dad gets anxious abt taking a single ibuprofen. so like ive been conditioned to get freaked out by#medication. literally my grandma will call me and tell me to b suspicious of doctors and to not take medicine unless absolutely necessary.#like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think#of u than saying oh yea i get depressed or i have anxiety. like the connotation feels worse im used to just telling ppl whatever tf#my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its#bullshit. anyway idk. im tired. i was trying to think of a comfort tv show with my therapist and all i could think was the terror#when im depressed i wanna watch those English mother fuckers suffer and die. i just lov that show so much. harry g00dsir my beloved. the#most me coded character to ever exist#unrelated
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have u ever seen how mad teenage boys get if u say smthn isnt funny the switch up is like instantaneous
#cliffnotes/.txt#unfortunately my brother was trying to show me one of those tiktok drake x kendrick memes#and calmly i was like bro dont show me that#and when he asked why and i started to explain just a bit (nothing long)#the way he started getting all defensive like 'you cant take a joke youre gonna piss me tf off' like what r u upset for#ur 16 u can listen to what i said and understand exactly why i say its wrong#u just wanna plug ur ears instead tho bc u think smthn being a joke is a get out of jail free card on criticism#you'll learn tho. just better hope u learn before it bites you in the ass is all ill say
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everytime i mention game ending myself In Minecraft my brother always pulls through like 'but you have to find out what happens to jo' like my god you're right....... what's gonna happen to jo.........
#snap chats#lord's been testing me since like mid march but every time im like#'noooo its confirmed jo gonna show up for at least one scene in LaD8 haha....... you gotta see it bro.......'#i guess i also ordered those mine and daigo and aoki plushes but listen#seeing what the fuck happened to jo is more important to my brain because of The Mystery#like as soon as i get those plushes ill dunk them in milk and ill keep them by my computer 24/7 but yk#tf my guy doing.... how's he holding up..... how are they gonna kill him cause i just know they will....#and when they do im gonna come onto here and be angry and throw up#but until then i can't die In Minecraft until i see what happens to jo this is my rule#Heavenly Father i'll wait to see you just a little longer just lemme see what happens to my favorite senior citizen#oh ew LaD8 comes out next year right.. i wonder if i'll have graduated by then
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I ♡ THIS IMAGE. ITS RIGHT. U DON'T NEED TO ACCEPT EVERYTHING AND U DON'T NEED TO BE NEUTRAL ON THINGS U ACTUALLY DON'T LIKE. ITS JUST WHEN IT TAKES OVER YOUR MENTAL HEALTH WHEN I THINK IT NEEDS TO BE DEALT WITH.
#THIS IS AFTER A LONG TIME OF BEING TOLD YOU HAVE TO BE NICE BECAUSE... YOU HAVE TO#WHAT IF SOMEONE IS BEING AN ABSOLUTE COCK TO ME. IM NOT TURNING THE OTHER CHEEK IM NOT CATHOLIC#IM GONNA POINT N LAUGH AT THINGS THAT ARE BOTHERING ME#IM GONNA MAKE YOU FEEL BAD FOR HURTING ME LOL#BUT IF U DIDN'T DO ANYTHIN TO ME ILL OBVIOUSLY NOT DO THAT#OH AND MEDIA#YOU CAN HATE WHATEVER MEDIA/CHAR YOU WANT#YOU CAN ROAST TF OUT OF A PLOTLINE/CHARACTER AND I'LL ENJOY LISTENING TO IT MOST LIKELY#■.txt#■.jpg#(BUT EVEN IF I DIDN'T LIKE WHAT YOU WERE SAYING GO OFF ANYWAY I'LL JUST BLOCK YOU)
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tw - ed
my god
it always seems like i’m fighting a batte
that deep down
i want to lose
better? no, love
worse. always worse
please, i beg it of you
i need to be worse
i think food is the addiction
not lack thereof
the guilt that always comes after
not wanting to reset
i dont want to get better
i can’t, not yet
not when i am yet to be sick
properly sick
-ghost
#NOT PRO ANA GET TF OUT#i’m just mentally ill#i promise#ed not sheeren#tw ed vent#tw eating issues#listen to the tw’s please#thoughts#writing#poetry#anxiety disorder#small writer#mentally fucked#tw depressing stuff#because maybe i don’t want to get better
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man
#i want to cry to someone everything sucks#normally it's fine that im never happy just living studying but kt gets so hard when im on my period#idk if it's real or if im making it up but i genuinely feel like crying for no reason#if i was at home i would lay down on my couch and eat a lot of unhealthy favorite food and my mom would talk to me about#some soap opera and i would only half listen and it would be okay#but here toh fr i feel like ill start crying in front of my dad if he keeps ignoring me to work or look at his phone#i don't even know what i used to do to make myself happy and god that's scary. i don't want to sink into sadness again#i know i should talk to my friend but why am i so scared. like every night i think ill do it tonight but then i just chicken out and go to#sleep. it's crazy whenever i do talk to her aftera lot of time i feel instantly better and i berate myself for not having done it sooner#but like. aah. im scared it's a lose lose like what if i do talk to her and it doesn't make anything better and then i don't even#have that last sliver of hope left. on the other hand#what if i do talk to her and it makes everything better and then i start relying on her and then she's not there when i need her again?#i hate being dependent on people it's so scary and you can never count on them to be there#i miss being a kid that clean happiness untouched by any other sad emotion and entirely independent#now it's like even if im happy im terrified of losing it and no thing is really enough#i wish i could just. not have emotions for s year. just till exams. i can't focus like this i keep spacing out between#lectures randomly tearing up for no reason#i don't know i don't know#oh it's day 2 of periods hopefully it'll all go away on its own it usually does#i hate this pcod bs so much cause like i get depressed twice once when my period is due but then it doesn't come but im still dep#and once when it actually does come like 10 days later#like bitch tf let me live
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.
#sigh#another day another medical gaslighting incident#-.-#i s2g i cant remember the last time i had a consult that wasnt just some dickhead ignoring every symptom / word i said#and then blaming all my chronic illnesses & disabilities on sleep / anxiety / weight / being trans etc#dude wouldnt listen to anything other than the sound of his own voice#and Insisted on putting me on a medication i am not remotely comfortable going on bc of oast bad reactions to similar ones#literally was like 'well u can do what i say or u can just figure ur life out and stop being stressed and sedentary all the time'#BUDDY#a) im disabled. being sedentary is not a choice and becoming un-sedentary is not an option#b) my chronic migraines and fibromyalgia r not because of stress. yes stress can make them worse sometimes#but anxiety does not cause or create severe physical conditions and disabilites. ur ridiculous. this is ridiculous#c) 'fixing my life' will not fix my chronically ill and disabled body. what a wild thing to say who tf gave u ur license#and why do u have a job at a pain clinic that specialises in chronic illnesses and disabilities. tf#d) its wildly irresponsible to insist on a medication that's from a family of meds known to cause bad side effects / reactions in a patient#and then ignore them when they tell u they r not comfortable going on that medication bc of that#and then to refuse to discuss alternatives and demand a 'my way or the highway' approach to care#and end in telling the patient they do not care about their health if they don't blindly do as u say when u dont even know them#fuck u dude#i care more about my health than u do. u have known me for 3 minutes and 20 seconds and barely skimmed my file. fuck Right off#and lastly#e) ur a dismissive discriminatory asshole and there's not a chance in hell i will trust a word out of ur mouth#when all u did in that 5 minute appt (THAT U WERE 73 MINUTES LATE TO) was gaslight tf out of me and blame me for all my disabilities#get fucked bro#ur as much of a shithead as every other doctor i've dealt with at that clinic#like the one who put me on said bad medication which caused me to lose half my hair#and then ghosted me as soon as i called to inform her of that and request a med change. its been 8 months & she still refuses to contact me#i've left over 10 messages. i ended up having to go to my GP and a dermatologist who both said to get off that medication asap#which i did. but the telogen effluvium (hair loss due to meds) STILL hasnt bounced back so now im close to balding bc of that shit doctor#and now u want me to go on a med known to cause that even WORSE just bc u feel like it regardless of my well-being? Nah. no. fuck that 🖕👋
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warum bleibst du bei mir? ich werde immer bei dir bleiben. bitte bleib bei mir. RAAAAAAAAAHHHHGGGAHHAHAHAHHHHHH
#☆ ; dear diary ?#tfs is my all time fav album on this whooole planet#but i always avoid listening to it#bc ill never not bawl my eyes out bc of it#but dead inside is a song ive been listening to religiously on a daily basis#and tanz für mich but i HATE#genetikks part 💀💀#idk i always skip it it doesnt#fit the vibe of the song at all#anywayz kidd auf die 1 für immer und immer und immer und ewig
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