#and if you haven't it won't matter

[highlynerdy]

Fortesa Latifi

[bixels]

tarpit site.

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

Hi? Gosh how do I even start with this :'D

I know it's been ages since I've last popped up on here. I've been debating when to post this for a while, but I kept adding to my draft more and more and now it's the end of JULY omgg I felt so guilty disappearing with zero updates but then thought my birthday would be the best day to finally address this considering it'll feel less random? idk but Ive always celebrated my bday with you guys and I'd feel so bad answering your kind asks without me at least explaining why I was gone for months.

Truth be told, I was dealing with a lot of stuff irl. health issues and sudden declining grades that left me stumped and drained for months now- along with technical issues like having to replace some parts of my computer that took a while for me to find to even draw digitally, which I didn't have the time for anyway with how tired and weary I felt every day.

I'm frankly shaken up by a lot of shit rn and I don't know how to be active online with this burden on my chest- Especially as it's been a while since I've even looked at utmv related content and my motivation dwindled. I swear I'd hype myself up to post or reblog something- but I'd see just how much I've missed or the overwhelming amount of posts I'd need to go through and I'd feel so swamped with exhaustion and most importantly guilt, for not clearing the air up sooner to reassure you guys that I'm, y'know, alive, and not dead in a ditch somewhere. And I'd procrastinate cause typing it all out is hard and I'd give up halfway every time and it's just not fair to you all!

I thought I was handling it well when I started going out and socializing more, instead of staying cooped up at home on my computer all day. and in the first draft of this post I made months ago I was gonna detail some of the fun plans I had, for my life and for this blog :D but relaxing my strict study schedule and letting go a bit of my tight routine, thinking it was better than wringing myself dry to keep it up, backfired horribly, to say the least.

I know right?? so silly to be hung up on stupid shit like studies of all things! but this is a very important thing for me considering my career plans and the competitivity encouraged by everyone I'm surrounded by, the pressure of keeping up adding to my already stressful days. I had to fix myself up first and I couldn't handle the strain nor interact with people and thinking of jobs and exams sapped my energy so much it's frankly embarrassing. writing this feels so cheesy too and it frustrates me to know I could've come back a month earlier if it weren't for that, but I also know putting all of this into words then would just sound like incoherent venting (not that this is very different tbf) and I wasn't in the right headspace to address my absence, or anything really- I didn't want everyone to see me return when I couldn't muster up a genuinely positive message, let alone talk to anyone with a shadow of my usual cheer

I feel like a complete mess and It drives me up the wall how depressed I've gotten. I debated deleting this blog so many times 'cause the fear of disappointing my audience and my friends, for lack of a more fitting sentiment, made me feel even shittier. I'm constantly thinking if this wall of text is worth posting, or if it's better not to burden you all with all my sappy troubles as if it's the end of the world. Trust me, I'll be fine. I'm not trying to dramatize this situation, but I don't think I'm up to pretending I'm all sunshine and enthusiasm you're all accustomed to.

So sorry for worrying you all! I'll try to catch up, deliver some missed birthday gifts, and answer some asks while I'm at it! Again, I can't state how much I appreciate your support throughout the years. It's frankly a miracle I kept any of you around with how much I keep popping and leaving at random with no warning. I definitely can't promise for my stay to be without a hitch, and if you don't mind an inconsistent schedule you're free to stay of course, but I'm afraid I can't sustain the pace I had when I first started this blog. I'll keep posting art, but lower my activity in the fandom sphere to reduce the strain on my mental health. so fewer rants and walls of text, more art, and less stress overall. Love you all and thanks for waiting for this long <3

[orchideae]

Starter call! Yep, you saw correctly. I've been making progress in my drafts, and I realized since it was mentioned the other day that I function a little better under pressure, so, yes.

These will be a little shorter (and I'm going to be a little strict with myself on that so that I actually get them written), so expect roughly a paragraph and if it stems from an idea that we've spoken about in plotting or whatnot, then it might be a little longer. But generally, they will be shorter starters that knowing me, will become lengthier threads as the replies progress! This is also welcome to non-Genshin blogs, but then please remember that I do not have any verses outside of Yelan's game canon, and so I'll be looking at your Genshin verses!

[layzeal]

not to be antiamerican but on god i'll live to see the day the US' empire falls still in my lifetime 🙏

[alicelufenia]

FINALLY

Now I may actually finish the game lol

... wait that was a bug? Welp, time to update my guide posts instead of continuing into act 3 hahahehehh... *kill me*

[clarisinne]

you guys i literally put my whole cringefailussy in the tiktok updates that are gonna be published from tomorrow till friday. my hand hurts so so bad. i have spent 9 hours on procreate and it's currently 9 pm. goddamn it i have never done something like this

[iam93percentstardust]

my peeps i am so depressed

[insurged]

tfw when the face reveal anime episode you've been waiting for is delayed... also if you want soft things, just ❤️ this if you haven't yet. i'm going to be working on this !

[giantkillerjack]

ur post about queerbaiting and the dismissal of people in fandom to critical analysis is so incredibly true thank you. i feel like marcille's writing in the anime has been super misogynistic a lot of the time and every time i bring this up all anyone wants to say is "well maybe this isn't for you! and you shouldn't watch the show!" like. i don't think this is about taste lmao, i am analyzing the text in front of me and coming to conclusions about the craft of it.

[This is in reference to this post]

YES!!! THANK YOU!!!!!

It is so so frustrating!!!!

It's like being at a restaurant and being served a bunch of delicious appetizers, but then one of the bread appetizers is literally just a plate of crumbs; and then when you're like, "Hey, uhh, why are we being served literal crumbs?", a bunch of the other folks eating at the restaurant are like,

"WELL HOW ABOUT YOU JUST DON'T EAT HERE THEN??!? YOU MUST NOT BE THAT HUNGRY, SO JUST FIND ANOTHER RESTAURANT AND DON'T EAT WITH US!!"

And maybe they say it politely, but "Aw, sorry, maybe this restaurant just isn't for you 💖" is just trading out an aggressive dismissive tone for a patronizing dismissive tone. It's the same message.

And it's like! I was honestly happy to move on from the crumbs once my complaint was acknowledged because the meal overall is still delicious, but then all these folks got SUPER WEIRD AND DEFENSIVE ABOUT IT, so now I find myself double-checking all the other dishes -- and, actually, you know what those eggs DO look a Iittle misogynistic undercooked!!!!

[alkaisen]

OKAY. so you know about me going to my dream uni and major right???? the problem is. in high school, at least in my country, we are all already divided into to specific studies, science math and social studies. so if you’re studying social studies, that’s all you’ll learn for three years, no science whatsoever. the problem is, i was in social studies then i suddenly wanted to be a scientist and change studies to science math which i have zero knowledge of it…

ITS A BOLD MOVE TRUST ME I KNOW but i jst cant see myself going through social studies major and have a career in one… i wanted to be a scientist. i worked hard to get in, and im in my dream major now. that’s what i wanted.

the only problem is that i’m afraid, you know? im the only one who has zero knowledge of science and math among my peers and im just… scared. obv i have already think through of all the risk and sacrifices whilst making this major decision, im fully aware that i have to study harder and basically learn everything from literal ZERO and i don’t mind, in fact, im excited.

despite all of that, still doesnt change the fact that im scared. what if i cant do it? what if it all will end up in vain? what if all of my sacrifices turned out to be useless? :(

thank you so much for listening to my rant, al.

oh chu :(( it's okay to feel that way, your feelings are completely valid and understandable. will it make you feel better if i say i've had somewhat similar experiences? it happened to me when i first chose law as my major, so i can somewhat guess what it must be like.

i didn't change my course of study like you did, of course. which is very, very, VERY impressive and was super courageous of you by the way. being in an unfamiliar environment is scary, it's true. the nervousness or anxiety you're feeling is also absolutely normal chu, given the significant transition you're facing and all. it's a big thing.

also, i want you to understand that you haven't done anything wrong or chosen the wrong major or made the wrong decision or anything like that

it's going to be hard at first, that much is guaranteed with your background being different from the rest, but it's not your fault and i don't want you beating yourself up over that. i guarantee you as someone with similar experiences, it will get better. i once read something that said something along the lines of "not treating yourself as a failure when/if your future is delayed by circumstances that aren't in your hands" and i think it might resonate with you

your peers are there to help you, and so are your professors — the university wants you to succeed. there will be resources you can research, friends that will assist you and professors that will answer any queries you have. you're ready to put in more work and do your research, that's all that counts. you're putting in effort and you're trying, some don't even do that and im very proud of you for taking this leap. i hope you'll try and see you're as brilliant as i see you

trust yourself, you've got this. i believe in you. just take it one step at a time, make sure to take breaks so to not overwork or burn yourself out and don't hesitate to reach out for support ANY time you need it. you'll do wonderfully.

[theinfinitedivides]

ykw i'm going to say this. i have to say this bc every time Won looks at Sa Rang it's like he's looking at her for the first time in his entire life. like he's never known anything quite like her like he is seeing her has seen her will continue to see her (to paraphrase/slightly change a line from one of my favorite works that i've written) like if he stops she will disappear and that drives me up the wall. it turns me feral i am biting and chewing and clawing and screaming from the top of every roof going insane sitting in a corner head in hands etc etc

[nanamis-bigtie]

//jjk leaks

so you're telling me i spent the most anxious night this year for THAT?? 😂

frankly i still don't know what's going on and i need tcb translation like air but i feel weirdly... not disappointed but rather empty? if it makes sense?

like, i was mentally preparing myself for a painful nuke because all those weird theories i tried to avoid rubbed off on me anyway and what i got seems to be just a little balloon released in empty room?

anyway, laughing my ass off at myself. i wish i wrote down those 3 different version of the chapter i dreamed out in this anxious haze.

[sharkneto]

What’s your opinion on writing pre-s3 fics post-s3? As in I have a ton of fic ideas for tua but they would be set before Viktor transitioned. Would following canon and referring to Viktor as his past name & gender be deadnaming him? Or should I refer to him as Viktor and forget that anything else ever existed? I’ve seen various opinions in irl from trans people about this (from wanting to never refer to that other gender or to often talking about it) not sure what to do in the case of fiction

So. This is a question that is going to have different answers from different trans people. I dug up when I last answered a question like this back when the news of Viktor first came out (HERE), but I'll restate my thoughts on it here, too, with a bit more nuance than I gave it then -

First, out of context - referring to Viktor by his previous name and gender would be deadnaming and misgendering.

In context, it all comes down to intent. My position on Viktor's story is his transition is a huge component of it - with his upbringing and the drugs, he never had a chance to figure himself out until he was free of it and off the pills. Even if he wasn't trans, his story over the first two seasons could really easily be a trans allegory, along with just being a queer story. To completely ignore that he is trans feels like it would ignore a significant part of who he is and his journey to get there.

But intent. I do think intent goes a long way. If you're writing a canon-compliant fic set pre-S3, I wouldn't judge for deadnaming and misgendering him (**with a disclaimer at the beginning of the fic/chapter that it is taking place pre-transition** ). I think this especially if his transition is part of his journey or scope of the story. I do this in both my fics Joining Together and Holding It Together, in which JT his gender is never questioned but will be in the long run and in HIT we have a post-transition Viktor present with a pre-transition Viktor mentioned.

That said, if his gender journey isn't part of the scope of the story and he's an especially prominent character... I would consider AUing this one bit. If his transition doesn't play any part in the plot of the fic, it wouldn't affect anything to have it happen earlier so he doesn't get deadnamed and misgendered the whole time.

How's that for complicated advice? At the end of the day, you're showing you care by asking, and you're not going to please everyone - there's too many opinions on the matter with personal emotions involved. No one has a blanket, correct answer. And, like you said - it's fiction. We can't ask him, he's not real an he's just a character being used to tell a story to explore emotions and themes.

TLDR: Follow your gut, write what makes sense to the story you want to tell, do your best. That's all anyone can do.

[ofhope]

Since I'm thinking of them... to lay out my thoughts:

Mikhail and Gallagher's souls are intertwined. In the most platonic sense, Gallagher is the guide meant to assist Mikhail (although Gallagher would argue that in the end, he helped him just as much). There wouldn't be a Gallagher without Mikhail, as he existed purely to fulfill the wishes Mikhail would later bestow onto him and the Nameless. Think of it like an imaginary friend: Gallagher was meant to accompany him throughout the whole of his life, to assure his justice was carried out and Penacony was freed from the clutches of the Order.

With that said, his entity does have a window into the future. They, as with the Stellaron Hunters, are meant to follow a script. They all follow individuals to complete a whole, and upon this being completed, they cease to exist. 'Gallagher' exists, but in the loosest sense imaginable: he simply flowed back into the altogether. 'Gallagher' still exists, but once he is summoned again, it will not be under that same alias. He will not look the same. His voice, too, won't be the same. He may be a woman. He may be none, all. Either way, he would not be 'Gallagher' again; and 'Gallagher' will always be the life he remembers most fondly.

Mikhail will live in his memories forever.

At the end of Penacony, they both fell into a sweet dream, together as they always were.

[bluefox4]

Ok, so I'm just thinking about Young Justice (cartoon) and how season two would have been improved if there hadn't been the time skip. There is a lot about the time skip that lost people but the emotional impact that certain things could have had was just gone.

I re-watched it recently and there was a scene in the first episode that would have been so impactful if it had happen several seasons in with knowledge of these characters. It happens between Nightwing and Robin when Nightwing is assigning missions.

Nightwing: Tim, you'll be running Gamma. Robin: Me? Dick, I've never led a squad before. Nightwing: Making this a good opportunity to get your feet wet as a field leader. Robin: Because it's Gamma and you're not expecting trouble, or because we're stretched thin and you have no choice? Nightwing looks away before sighing and turning back to face Robin. Nightwing: Just don't die, ok? Robin's eyes widen as he stiffens slightly. Nightwing: And no unnecessary risks to the squad. That's an order. Robin nods.

The reason that this would have been impactful emotionally speaking is because of the death of Jason Todd. If this had happened a few seasons in we could have met Jason Todd, the second Robin. In Young Justice no one was sure if he had been a character until a hologram of him was shown in the grotto of fallen heroes.

As is, it just seems like Nightwing has been a bit protective of Tim. There's no reason for this scene to stand out. But on a re-watch my only thought was 'Oh this would have been impactful if I had actually known Jason. If there had been a arc of Tim trying to prove that he could watch out for himself and he didn't need Dick protecting him. Just don't die would have been really impactful if the death of the second Robin was known.' Which um, isn't what you want a person thinking when watching your show. It shouldn't be here is this missed chance. It should have been that emotional gut punch.

And I feel like that is part of the problem that parts of season 2 had. It expects that audience to come in with some knowledge already. I know of Jason Todd from cultural osmosis but that isn't enough to make me care about him in the context of the show that I watched. Batman the Animated Series didn't have him so he can be left out of Batman related material. My jump from 'Just don't die' isn't going to be 'oh Jason Todd must of died in this universe' its Nightwing seems a bit protective of Robin but that's probably because Robin doesn't have that much experience crime fighting either in general or in a group. Maybe he's been reckless? Maybe he's like Nightwing was when he was younger and isn't good at letting the group know the plan? But it isn't the second Robin died.

The fact that Robin doesn't really have many parts focused on him after that makes it feel like that should be a conclusion to an arc. A point where he steps out from being one of the focus characters and makes room for Blue Beetle to take over as one of the focus characters.