#and if you can find a closed caption version- pick that

[zozowrites]

The Game (Fancy Pants part 2)

Paige Bueckers x actress!fem!oc Ava Radmall

Words: 4.5k

TW: religious services (church)

A/N: so I originally meant for this to be a little filler chapter buttttt ended up putting two together and adding my version of plot (there won't be too too much in this series, I'm doing my best tho).

Ava

It’s raining when I go to pick up my mom from the airport. I get out of my spunky little blue car to hug her hello and put her bag in the trunk. Then we stop at Whole Foods for the list of foods she needs to buy (which I tried to buy ahead of time but she insisted we go together, apparently it doesn’t “feel the same if she doesn’t look at it first”). 

In the parking lot I ask her to stop and turn around and catch her in such an aesthetic picture where she’s holding a bag under each arm bundled in her bright red raincoat with a slight rainbow in the background. I post it to my Instagram story and caption it “Mama and me <3” 

We get back to my place and start to put the food away when I get a text from an unknown number. 

I can’t help but smile slightly at the fact she’s texting me. 

Hey ava it's paige

cam gave me ur number hope it's cool

Hi Paige

It's cool dw

ok phew

how long is ur mom in town?

Until Jan 3, why?

does she like the lakers?

Are you wanting to take my mom on a date to a lakers game?

no no chill

she's pretty tho

Thanks??

lemme try again

does ur mom like the warriors AND CAM

I guess, why

do you have nye plans

Probably not, why

ok im getting cam lakers tickets for us for her bday

if you guys wanna join

Well you could've just said that, silly

well it was more fun this way, silly

At that I put my phone face down on the island to find my mom staring at me from across the counter, eyebrows raised. 

“Who ya texting?” She asks, always one for hot goss. Or prying questions. 

“Just a friend.” I answer, but I know I’m not controlling the upturn of my lips of blush of my cheeks very well. Yes I’m an actor but this is my mom, the woman who single-handedly raised me. 

“Okaaaaaay,” She extends the word and turns back to re-organizing the contents of my fridge, probably knowing that this is the move that never fails.

“I met Paige Bueckers at Cam’s Christmas party and she just asked if we want to go to a Laker's game for Cam’s birthday with them on New Year’s Eve.” I spill the beans. After being met with her silence, I add, “I think we’re gonna be friends!”

“And what did you say?” My mom asks, not turning away from the egg shelf she was inspecting. 

I slip into one of the stools at the hightop counter, swinging my feet in the air. “I said I’d get back to her. Do you want to go?” 

“I love CamCam, of course I’ll go. If she’ll be alright with me there, of course.” 

“Oh don’t even pretend, we both know she likes you more than me.” 

She sets down the butter that she’d moved on to and comes to stand behind me, running her hands up and down the sides of my arms. 

“I’m sorry sweetie,”

“No you’re not.”

“Yeah, no I’m not.” She says and laughs. 

My doorbell rings at 6:30 pm on Christmas Eve and I open it to find Ellie, my neighbor, just as expected. The twelve year old smiles at me as I let her in and wave to her mom, driving off to her shift at the hospital. 

We do our secret handshake (three fish slaps back and forth before a faked out high five) and she asks if my mom is here yet. When I tell her yes, she drops her backpack at my feet and bounds up the stairs from my entryway to the open-concept living space. 

“Sarah!!” I hear her shout before I can hear the impact of her jumping into my mom’s arms. I sigh to myself with a smile and bring the backpack up the stairs to place in her guest bedroom. 

I met Ellie and her mom Jules when I first moved in two years ago and got really close with them. Ellie walked my dog Frankie on my long set days and I watched Ellie during the summer on my off days and she slept at my house when her mom was working night shift. Like on Christmas Eve. Only last year when my mom visited for Christmas did we discover that we actually share the same runaway dad. It was an interesting Christmas morning to say the least. 

“Are we ready to commence the second annual Great Christmas Competition?” My mom asks, putting on her low rumbly announcer voice. Ellie squeals, already set up at my dining room table. 

We pull out hot glue guns and our bags of candy and graham crackers and start building our gingerbread houses. My mom finishes way before our half hour timer is up, so she takes a spoon to the pink icing tub, dying her mouth a brighter color. Then we move onto cookie decorations, where she’s more interested in eating the cookies than decorating them. Through both heats, Ellie is so focused she doesn’t say a word. And she wins, of course. We wouldn’t just let her win, but she’s a creative genius. Even if she wasn’t a kid she would still be winning. 

Then we move on to reindeer races (I win), Christmas karaoke (my mom wins), and snowman making (Ellie wins). Since she wins the tournament, she gets to pick the movie to cap off the night, and we settle on the couch to watch Elf. 

Around halfway through I pull my phone out to text Paige. 

What's your Venmo and how much for the tickets?

Her response is immediate. For some reason, that makes me smile.

don't even think about venmoing me bc i'll just send it right back

Don't make me go ask Cam

don't do that either I'm deadass

20 bucks says I can guess it right on the first try and if not you'll tell me

I don't think you understand how bets work

They way I see it it's a win win

uh yeah for u

What, you don't want me to win?

not if it means I lose, no

Don't make me write you a check

I'm not gonna honor that with a response

I put my phone away and try to refocus on the movie when Ellie leans on my shoulder, her soft brown hair falling into my lap. 

Christmas morning comes and goes. I spend it with my mom and Ellie, and Jules brings over Ellie’s presents from Santa when she gets back from her shift. She sleeps on the couch as my mom and I make breakfast, or she sleeps as much as she can before Ellie comes running in. 

Later in the day my mom finds a church service for us to attend, because apparently my five o’clock Episcopalian service wasn’t good enough for her. The church is small and charming, the service taking place in a gym of an old school that was turned into a community center. The congregation is very friendly and I spend half the time making faces at the baby in front of me. 

The next Sunday we return to the church for a regular service, and to my surprise, I spot a certain blonde in a middle row. I walk my mom towards her, and she turns and seems to have a similar look of surprise on her face. 

“These seats taken?” I ask. She shakes her head with a smile. 

“All yours.”

I introduce her to my mom and she shakes her hand, very formal. TikTok isn’t wrong, she definitely has good rizz. During the community time she’s asking us about our holiday and how my mom is liking LA right now. She brings up the Lakers game. 

“I’m assuming you know Cam since she roomed with Ava in college, right?” Paige asks. 

“Oh, do I know Cam. I adore Cam. She used to come on vacation with us sometimes.” 

“We always joke that Cam likes my mom more than she likes me.” I say and pretend to pout. Then the community time ends, and we move on to the sermon. 

After the service ends we help stack up the chairs and push them to the side. 

“This is only our second time here, do you know any good brunch spots around?” I ask Paige as we descend the stairs to the exit. She tells us about a bookstore cafe around the corner, and my mom insists she join us. 

Fifteen minutes later, we settle into our seats and the navy blue bookshelves behind Paige perfectly compliment her slick back blonde bun. I’m sitting across from her at the table, and I let my eyes travel down from the bun to the slope of her purple cardigan over her shoulders, crisp white t-shirt underneath a great contrast. On our walk here I had to really focus on keeping my eyes away from the way her legs looked so juicy in her simple black pants. 

I finally rip my gaze away from her to look at the menu. Then I look to my mom, who was watching Paige through her menu. I resist the urge to look back at Paige, because I can already feel her eyes on me. It makes heat rise throughout my body, and I untuck the hair from behind my ears to shield my neck, which I can feel is probably blushing.

Thankfully the waiter arrives, and we order our food. Then we resume being normal human beings, and partake in normal conversation. How Paige is doing on the team. The press tour I’m about to start and the next round of auditions. What my mom does as an elementary school art teacher. We discuss Cam a good bit, and her impending nuptials. 

When our food arrives we play roulette, where we rotate the dishes through the three of us at random. Thankfully, Paige is understanding of my mom’s shenanigans. I excuse myself halfway through under the guise of using the restroom, but really I find the waitress and cover the bill. My Asian dad may not have stuck around or been a decent guy, but there’s some things that may just be nature. 

I come back to my mom and Paige chatting, and apparently she was telling Paige an embarrassing story of me from childhood. Just great. 

“Yeah she like didn’t talk until she was like four. But she would point. Her two words were ‘puppy’ and ‘soccer.’” My mom tells her and Paige smiles. 

“Aw that’s so cute, my younger brother Drew did that too,” Paige responded. I pulled out my chair to sit back down with a squeak. “My step-mom always claimed that it was because Drew had me to interpret for him so he didn’t need to talk since I was fluent in Drew.” 

It makes my mom laugh which makes me smile. Paige is good.

Our waitress comes back and my mom asks for the check, so she lets us know it has “already been taken care of.” 

My mom fake scowls at me, and Paige gives me a look I can’t quite decipher. 

Paige 

I open my phone to call Azzi, but for some reason my fingers hover over Ava’s contact instead. 

u didn't have to do that u know

Do what?

buy brunch

I think the words you're looking for are "Thank you, Ava"

Thank you, Ava

You're welcome, Paige

The way she texted my name had the same effect on me as her actually saying it. I can see the way her lips wrap around the P of my name in my head. I need to send something to change the mood.

ur mom is cool

Ok ew don't text me that

I don’t know what to say because “sorry” doesn’t sound quite right. I’m not sorry. I do think Ava’s mom is cool. And pretty. I know where Ava gets her beauty from. 

Turning the the other side of the couch I had flopped down on five minutes ago, I pick up Aziz’s call instead of trying to craft a lackluster response to Ava.

“Yo, what’s up?” I ask her. 

“Please tell me you don’t answer the phone like that with other people.” She sighs in response. 

“This is just for you, Az.” I chirp in response. “But seriously, what’s been going on with you? How’s Dallas?” 

“Eh, Dallas is Dallas, like always.” She says. “Practice is practice. Life is life.” 

“Well you don’t sound very enthused,” I noted. “What’s going on.” 

She sighed, even longer this time. “Just worrying about my offseason training, nothing new. I want to hear about what’s been going on with you. How was Cam’s party?” 

I almost don’t want to answer about the party, because I know that means bringing up Ava, and for some reason there’s a part of me that wants to keep her to myself. Like she’s too special to share. 

But that’s ridiculous. I shake my head and answer her truthfully. 

“Wait what!?” Her gentle voice somehow screeches through my phone speaker, and I place her on my living room table so I can stretch my arms over my head. 

I let myself laugh along with her. I know. It’s almost ridiculous. I’m crushing on a movie star. Who’s also smart and pretty and athletic. Who I have no idea if she likes me back. 

Azzi sighs yet again. I make a mental note to wear her down until she tells me what’s really going on. Because I know something is. She’s my best friend. 

“I have to go,” She says. She sounds miserable. “I miss you. I love you!”

“Love and miss you too, Az.” I say and she hangs up. I turn onto my back and close my eyes, letting the silence of my apartment envelope me. 

I knock on what I hope is the front door of Ava’s townhouse. It’s white and modern. She has a nice yard and a single potted plant by her door. There’s a pumpkin on the step and I’m scared of how long it’s been there. 

The knock earns me no response, so I ring the doorbell. I hear it reverberate through her house, and then an indecipherable shout and heavy thudding footsteps of someone running down stairs before the door is thrust open so hard I’m surprised it doesn’t hit the wall next to it. 

A very frazzled Ava greets me, followed by the most adorable black Scottish terrier I’ve ever laid my eyes on scurrying behind her. I could never have imagined something could upstage Ava, but her dog definitely does.

I crouch down to pet the dog and it props its two front legs up on my knee, licking my ear. I don’t mind, and Ava seems too distracted to tell them to get down. 

“Her name is Frankie,” She says, a fond smile flitting across her face. Her hair is half curled, and she appears to be wearing a full face of makeup with bare lips. “She really likes you, you know.” 

Everything about this moment makes me smile. The way Ava looks effortlessly beautiful in her half-ready state. It feels too intimate for me to witness. I’m filled with an overwhelming amount of pride that her dog likes me. 

“You look nice,” I offer, truthfully. It slips out. I didn’t mean to say anything too forward in my flirting or cross weird lines or make any moves or confusion. Yes, it’s hard when you compliment a (bitchy) straight girl when she knows you’re gay, but personally it has always been harder for me to compliment my also lesbian female friends. Weirdly, I’m not worried about how she’s interpreting it, but rather aim to stick the thought process in my mind to analyze later. How did I intend it? 

Luckily, she just scoffs. 

“Yeah, whatever, if you say so Paige. You look good.” 

It makes me smile against myself. 

“Thanks. But I mean it, you know?”

“I am obviously running behind,” She says, gesturing frantically with her hands. Another female voice calls for her from up the stairs, who I’m pretty sure is her mom. But now I’m concerned why the thought of it not being her mom is making me slightly jealous. Shit. I’m done for. 

A red leash with pink hearts and a purple collar is placed into my hands as I stand. 

“Do you mind walking Frankie quickly before we leave? I haven’t done it yet and I need to help my mom with something.” She makes a face when she says “something” that indicates she doesn’t really know what her mom called her for. “Usually just up and down the street is enough to get her to go, and there’s bags on the leash.” 

I snap the collar onto Frankie as she thanks me profusely before trotting back up the stairs. 

“Guess it’s just you and me, kid.” I say and lead her out the door. She lets out a huff of air. 

I walk her up and down the block, Frankie trotting perfectly next to me. Of course a perfect woman like Ava has a perfectly leash trained dog. I walk her to the end of the street and back, trying to let all of my fast-paced thoughts go. 

Seeing Ava like that felt like she was letting me in to a private part of her, for some weird reason. She doesn’t seem to me like the type of woman to pressure herself to always be put together, but I guess whenever I see her she is. She’s secure in those moments and she’s secure when I knock five minutes too early on her door. 

Frankie and I make it back to Ava’s small front yard, and she gracefully stops in the grass to go to the bathroom. I grab it with a bag, not even surprised anymore about how perfect the dog is. 

I open the door and wipe her paws and butt with a wipe from the pack decorated with paw prints on the shelf. Then I unclip the leash and hang it up, but stop, unsure of what to do next. Was it weird I let myself into her house? Probably not any weirder than walking her dog, right? 

Thankfully I don’t have to think on it too long because she bounds down the stairs with her mom, and we’re off. 

At the game we slide into our seats, Cam’s fiancé on the end and then her, Ava’s mom (since the two of them haven’t stopped talking since we picked up Cam), followed by Ava, and then me. 

There’s a good amount of time before the game starts and Ava’s mom is still completely immersed in conversation with Cam. Which means lucky me gets to talk to Ava. 

I turn to her, a plan forming in my mind. 

“So tell me more,” I try to prompt her, and she turns to me from where she was staring off at the court, seemingly tracking the players warming up. 

“Huh? What do you mean?” She says, her eyebrows creasing in confusion.

“Tell me more,” I say to her again. I struggle to hide a small smile fighting its way onto my face. 

“I wasn’t saying anything, Paige.” By the way she says my name she sounds slightly displeased and it worries me, before I look her in the eyes, trained on mine already, and see the mischief gleaming behind them. 

“Tell me more about yourself, Ava. So far I know you were Cam’s roommate, you went to Stanford, you played soccer. Midfield.” I echo the way she told me at the bar in Cam's yard that night. I see a smile creep onto her face, and my heart hopes it’s at the memory. “Your go to drink is a Shirley temple, you’re a Christian but once struggled with your faith, you’re gay,” I lean in towards her and whisper for the last one, before returning to normal. “You sleep like a rock, you’re gorgeous when you just wake up,” I pause, counting them all on my fingers. Maybe I’ll reach double digits at this rate. “You’re close with your mom, you like the Lakers-“ 

“So it seems like you know a lot about me already.” Ava cuts me off. Now it looks like she’s the one planning something. “What, specifically, would you like to know, Paige.” 

The perfect opening to hit her with a silly, small talk first date get to know you question. 

“Well, for starters, do you have any siblings?” I ask nonchalantly and shrug. 

Ava snorts out a laugh that she tries to cover with the back of her hand. 

“I have a sister. She actually lives next door to me. I only found out we were related a year after I moved in. She’s twelve.” Ava smiles so I smile back. Oh my, would I like to meet her sister. But oh my, would I like to kiss that smile more. 

I shake the thought out of my head. Ava keeps talking, almost lighting up as she describes Ellie, her sister, and discusses her hobbies and interests, and the adventures she’s gotten to take her on at length. I really hit the jackpot with this question. 

“I mean, technically she’s just my half sister, but-“ 

Now it’s my turn to cut her off. “It’s not different, I get it.” 

“I don’t have a full sibling so I wouldn’t know how to compare.” 

“With Drew my younger brother, he’s everything. We only share a dad, but we also share a soul, I just know.” 

This makes her smile. She gets it. More importantly, she knows that I get it.

The lights lower and a loud rumbling voice begins to announce the happenings as players begin to run out from the tunnel. It pulls us from our conversation and we clap. I realize that we were practically turned in our seats to face each other because I have to turn back. 

A few minutes in to the second quarter, I stand and declare it’s time for hot dogs. I turn to walk out of our row and Ava follows, claiming she’s getting up to “lend me a hand.” 

As we wait in line, only a few people in front of us, she speaks and I have to forcefully drag my eyes away from the place they had been resting, looking at her perfect hands clad in dainty gold rings, perched over her stomach as she uses her left hand to twist the one on her right ring finger around and around and around. 

“Ok my turn. But I’m not letting you off the hook with ‘do you have any siblings?’” She quotes me using a horrible frat boy impression. 

I look up at her through my eyelashes, a smirk on my mouth. I quirk my eyebrows. “Is that really what you think of me?” 

“Oh, you think I think about you?” she says smirking back. Flirting back! It brings the butterflies in my stomach into full torment mode. I will be remembering this moment for forever. 

I open my mouth to say something but she lets out a huff of air instead and squares her shoulders. We’re moving on. 

“Why basketball? I’m sure you played other sports as a kid, so, why basketball?” 

I take a second to contemplate, gathering my thoughts before answering so I can be as sincere as Ava deserves. 

“It’s the only place I felt at home. The flow state. It still takes hard work but it’s the only sport that just felt right. That just clicked.” I answer. Even though she looks like she’s listening, Ava doesn’t say anything in response. I take a deep breath and keep going. She knows I have more I could say, I guess. “It’s also what I clung to when my parents divorced. They told me during soccer season, so soccer was ruined for me. Then I had basketball to look forward to, basketball to focus on, basketball that wasn’t going to change. Basketball that I couldn’t ruin.” 

The moment is heavy. Ava’s gorgeous brown eyes look into mine and I’m almost surprised when I see understanding instead of pity. 

“Paige,” She says, placing a gentle, warm hand on my elbow. That’s her only response. Just one word. One simple touch. But she’s with it she's saying everything. She gets me and basketball just as much as I got her and Ellie. 

We’re called up to the counter and order the hot dogs. She tacks on a few baskets of fries. When the screen tells us to pay she quite literally elbows me out of the way and uses her card as I’m reaching out for my own.

For a reason I wished I regret knowing, I don’t move farther back, and instead relish the brush of her hair against my shoulder, the scent of orange and vanilla lingering in the air now, and the sweep of her hip against the very top of my thighs as she grabs half of the food and turns back to head towards our seats. 

The game is interesting, and Ava and I ease into a steady rhythm of trading quips or comments back and forth. I’m funny and she’s funny. A match made in heaven, I think to myself. Maybe I should stop thinking to myself. 

At some point Ava’s mom stands up and announces she’s going to the bathroom. Her brown hair is wavy in the same way Ava’s is, but shorter. It looks just as soft and I catch myself wondering if it smells like Ava’s vanilla and orange. 

“Which way is it, Paige?” Her mom asks me. I’m a little stunned why she would be asking me that until I realize it’s so that I come with her. Obviously she can find a bathroom by herself.

“Oh um let me show you,” I say and stand up from my seat, following Sarah out of the row. 

When we’re out in the hallway I keep up the gesture of showing her where the bathroom is and point simply across the hall. I mumble a few nondescript words about it being “over there” since I’m really just waiting for her to say something.

“Thanks, Paige.” She says but doesn’t turn away. “So you and Ava.”

Her words hang in the air, turning the space around us thick. What about me and Ava? We’re friends? Can she see I’m flirting with her daughter? Does she want me to stop flirting with her daughter?

Suddenly she cracks a grin and lets loose a laugh so compelling that I just have to laugh with her. She reaches for my elbow just like her daughter did half an hour ago. 

“I’m not grilling you at all, sweetie, sorry I just thought it would be fun to see you sweat.” She smiles to herself, her plan having obviously worked. “Anyways I was just going to tell you that she likes you. She’s probably just beginning to realize it now, but I know she does. I think you like her too since you haven’t stopped flirting with her ever, even in my presence.”

This makes me blush. Which, in turn, makes Sarah smile more. 

“Just a word of warning, honey. You have to be really patient with her. If you act too soon you will scare her off, and I would really hate to see that. You two will be so good together. I suggest you wait for her to make the first move when she’s ready.” 

I nod, taking this all in. Her mom thinks? Knows? That she likes me. And that I like her. And she wants us to get together. But from the sounds of it I need to wait for her to make the first move. Huh. 

“And I know I cannot just ask you to wait or something. I’m trying not to ask anything of you, but rather tell you what I see in Ava. The flirting is good for her. Please don’t think I’m telling you to stop. I’m gonna work on her from my end, see what I can do.” 

I don’t know what to say but Ava’s mom seems to know even that too. 

“I’m almost sorry for dropping this on you. I’m gonna hit the bathroom, maybe consider a walk if you don’t want to return yet.” She says with a warm smile and I nod in response, turning to go for a short walk. 

[yallthemwitches]

Chapter 6: Sixth Year

“Do you trust me?” It has to be the weed, there is no other possible explanation for it. Some flirty, suggestive version of her takes over and suddenly she is crawling towards him, the joint wedged between her lips. Again, there’s that look on his face, but this time it stays.

Read on AO3 Or under the Cut!

That summer, the letters start—though calling them letters would be a bit hyperbolic. 

The first arrives on her sill a week after holiday begins: a surprisingly accurate drawing of an airplane with a red haired girl looking out the window. Flying beside her is what she can only assume is supposed to be him—a bespectacled boy on a broom with scribble for hair and a smile that touches either side of his face. There is no note, but there is a caption: ' Hoping these holidays ‘soar’ by.' 

It takes her an entire day to decide to write back, then another to think of a response: a very crude interpretation of a beater’s bat smashing into the top of her head. The caption reads: Beating myself with boredom. 

It opens the floodgates so to speak and the letters begin to come almost daily.

“What are you doing?” Petunia spits, leering up behind the newspaper.

Lily looks up. In her lap, a parchment lays open with a drawing of a bucket with words leaking onto a paper. In the corner, a doodle James cries: ‘Pouring over this bloody homework (take me out of my misery).’ 

“What d’you mean?” 

“You’ve been reading those stupid freak scrolls and smiling to yourself like a complete nut. It’s exhausting to watch.”

Lily takes a gulp of tea to hide her blush. Cartoon James stares up at her.

“If it exhausts you, go back to bed.” 

They all follow the same formula: a drawing, a caption; no pressure. Sending silly doodles was easy because it didn’t involve being around each other— didn’t involve feelings, but as September loomed closer, she wished he would offer her at least something to know where they stood.

A sort of answer arrives late August: a drawing of a bucket full of flobberworms that writhe like a single mass. A human hand holds two in the foreground, one with square lenses and signature scribbled hair and another sporting red fridge. In his unmistakable scrawl the caption reads: I’ll always pick you! 

She doesn’t know what to make of it, but she catches herself keeping it in her pocket for the rest of the summer.

It’s then she realizes she has a problem—A big one. And it makes finding him in her usual spot at the welcome feast that much more difficult.

“Er, what are you doing?”

He’d gotten tanner over the summer, more lean. It definitely doesn’t make it hard to focus.

“Uh, sitting?” James cocks his head to the side. Meanwhile, the flobberworm note burns a hole in her pocket. 

Don’t expect anything. Be cool.  

“You usually sit over there.”

“Oh? I didn’t realize you were keeping track..”

She sighs. “Of course I’m not but—-”

“Godric Evans,” Sirius exclaims, pointing his fork in her direction,“Friends sit with friends. Do we need to spell it out for you?”

Friends.  

She looks back at James and his eyes twinkle, an arched eyebrow speaking for him: So, are we doing this, Evans? 

She takes a seat. “No, Black—I got it.” 

Yes, I guess we are. 

Turns out, it is infuriatingly easy to fall into their vortex. At first they make even less sense up close: Peter is too meek, Remus too self-deprecating, Sirius too haughty, and James…well, James is a universe of issues, each as frustrating as the next.

But nothing compares to her defining fault in the group, one that she hopes she hides a lot better than the rest of their flaws. She fancies him again—she fancies him bad. 

It’s something that haunts her at night: what she actually is to him. ‘Friends’ seemed like the perfect word; he had long given up asking her out for a laugh and everything she did with him she would just as naturally do with any other friend. So why then did her heart stutter the moment he entered the room? And why couldn’t she just bloody forget about it?

“You seem cozy with Potter and gang these days,” Mary croons on the first warm day of the season. Nearby, they watch James and Sirius splash knee deep in the lake, pulling up gillyweed and sticking it to each other’s backs. 

“We’re friends—he’s…mellowed out since last year,” Lily retorts. She hopes to sound convincing, but the words falter in her mouth at the sight of James, his white shirt sticky and see-through on his taut build.

“Remus is also your friend and you have never stared at him like that.”  

Of course it's true. She hates that it’s true.

“—And to be fair, Remus has also never stared at you like James does.”

Lily whips her head around, ignoring Mary’s snickers. Two wide, golden eyes catch hers and the world falls away, making him a shining beacon in a sea of nothingness.

“Care for a swim Evans?” He waves his arm and his muscles contract under the soaked sleeve. Immediately, the million snitches that have found permanent residence in her stomach explode with activity, her heart swelling to burst…

'I’ll always pick you!’ 

She knows him well enough to not get her hopes up—but it couldn’t hurt to dream.

* * * *

Mary questioning their relationship was to be expected, but the rest of the student body is another story. 

“Hey Lily, do you have a second?

It’s a shame she dropped divination early on because before Elodie even says anything, she knows what she is going to ask. 

“This is so bloody awkward but—are you and James Potter…like, dating?”

Even correctly predicting it doesn’t lessen the blow, the words making the room grow around her until she feels no bigger than a bug. 

“Uhm, no. He’s–”

The happiest bloody thing in my life. Infuriatingly, begrudgingly wonderful. All I think about. 

“—just a friend.”

Elodie lets out a sigh of relief and swishes her feathered blonde hair over her shoulder. Lily feels like she’s been hit with a blunt object.

“Oh, whew,” Elodie giggles. “It’s so embarrassing but I’ve nursed a crush on him for ages—I’m like a sad little puppy, you know…”

No, I don’t know. Definitely can’t relate. Not one bit. 

“—But it’s my last year and I figured if he was available…now or never I guess!”

Suffocating. She’s suffocating and there is nothing to save her. She doesn’t even have the ability to respond—just wishes someone would be kind and put her out of her misery.

Of course he notices. 

“Am I boring you, Evans?” James asks during their study period together. He gives her a playful kick under the table, wiggling his trainer against her foot. 

“No, I’m just—feeling off.”

All day, she’s tortured herself about the conversation with Elodie. It wasn’t a lie, James and her were just friends— but even Elodie had noticed they were close now…that they seemed romantic. 

She never thought the day would come where she would envy third year Lily. At least then they weren’t friends—weren’t spending all of their free hours interacting within each other’s orbit. Now, not only could she not have him, but she had to smile and continue on like nothing was going on—like every waking moment wasn’t plagued with the desire to recreate what the boggart had shown them in fourth and then some…

“Evans,” James whines, giving a frown. “Let me in—you look like you’re going to combust.”

She doesn’t know how it happens, but it slips out. 

“Were you invited to Slughorn’s party?” 

Something flashes across his face, something she doesn’t recognize. It leaves a soft blush behind. 

“I’ve been invited,” he says, articulating each syllable with care, “but it doesn’t mean I will grace him with my appearance…unless of course I have a reason to.”

So Elodie hasn’t asked.  

With a smug grin, he gives her another kick under the desk, his foot hooking around her ankle and giving it a playful tug. 

It’s just a friend thing. Nothing to overthink. Definitely not flirty or cute. 

“Why do you ask?”

A blush, hot and blotchy crawls up her neck. 

“I was just thinking that you should go,” she says, trying her best to keep her voice steady. Inside, a warning bell rings at full volume, red lights flash. 

“I mean— it’d mean a lot to him. You haven’t been back since second and obviously you’d be well received which would be great for your ego...”

A smile continues to grow on his lips. The foot that is hooked on her calf slides up and down.

“I think you and I both know my ego needs no extra support.”

She pretends to look at her notes but he continues to stare, waiting for a rebuttal. You rotten coward.Tuney’s right, you’re an absolute nutter. 

“Are you asking for you or are you asking for him,” James says finally, breaking the silence.

“I don’t understand—”

“I mean,” he interrupts, “Do you think I should go because Slughorn wants me to or because you want me to.”

It’s a trap. A great big James Potter Rube Goldberg machine of hellish proportions.

“I’m just saying it would be fun.”

He closes his book with a sharp thunk and rises, rounding to her side of the table. Just the proximity alone makes her body go into overdrive—alarms and flashing lights and soaring snitches and zapping electricity all making her wonder if this is it: death by stupid boy. 

He leans to grasp the edges of the desk and his chest presses against her back. When his breath tickles her ear she almost goes into cardiac arrest.

“Well, Evans. How about you think about your answer and then I’ll consider my response.”

Before she can even think to rebuttal— to maybe even gain the courage to turn her head a millimeter and slot her lips against his— he is gone.

Her hesitation makes the news that afternoon even harder to swallow. 

“Elodie asked James to Sluggy’s party. She’s got some guts asking him hours before, eh?”

Lily doesn’t respond, tears already stinging her eyes.

Yeah, guts you will never have. 

* * * * *

It’s childish really, but she asks to take the evening patrol.

“Didn’t you have Slughorn's thing?” asks Remus. He must have been trying to muster the courage to say something—they’d walked the last two floors in complete silence. 

“I wasn’t feeling social.”

What she means is she doesn’t feel like being social around them. By the end of dinner she had visualized it all like watching some horrific highlight reel:  Elodie curling her fingers through his hair while they talked to Slughorn’s guests…him making a joke and her grabbing his arm, laughing harder than she should…him pulling her close as they twirl on the dancefloor, refined and elegant as two purebloods should be…Unlike her, Elodie will have no hesitation when it’s time to give a kiss goodnight and James will reciprocate happily. Why wouldn’t he? They are the perfect match in every way. A perfect, pureblood, pretty match. 

Just thinking about it makes bile sting at the back of her throat. 

“Well get ready, Slug Club patrol nights are the worst.” When Remus’ voice pulls her back to reality she doesn’t even remember turning up towards the fourth floor.

“Why would they be any different from any other night?” 

He shakes his head.“Think about it: a party, free alcohol, a bunch of ladder climbing pricks—no offense—who are looking for a job or someone with a job to marry…there isn’t a broom closet in any direction from the common rooms that aren't full on Sluggy nights.”

Not just a sting of bile, but real bile threatening to make an appearance. A new, worse image appears—one she’s been staving off since Elodie first approached her: boggart James frantic and loving and hungry but no longer for her.  

“Remus—do you have the map?”

He stops in his tracks, pointing his lit wand in her direction. Since she has known about all their little secrets, she has never once asked to use them, but tonight she’s just desperate enough to inquire.

“James has it—why?” 

So I can torture myself with their names on top of each other in some broom cupboard. Can watch in real time as my ‘friend’ moves on when I clearly can’t. 

“No nevermind, it's dumb,” she says, waving a hand. “Just thought it would make it easier to bust students out of bed…that’s all.”

* * * * *

They don’t see James and Elodie but, as Remus’ predicted, they do find a good bit of couples out before their shift is up.

After, she waits in the common room, watching as the fire dies in the grate. Looking down in her lap the crumpled and torn parchment is smoothed open.

‘I’ll always pick you!’ 

She has half the mind to watch it burn. 

When she eventually slogs herself up to the dorm, she has even less luck forgetting things. She falls in and out of sleep and her dreams do her no favors— images contorting like a hellish metamorphosis: her mum’s medications on the table, flobberworms in a bucket, one of the many faceless boys from fifth writhing against her, a snake pouring from Severus’ mouth, James with his antlers now full grown, twisting wildly and closing in…

Before she is even fully aware of her choice, she is standing in front of the boys’ dorm, feeling more pathetic than she’s ever felt in her life.

And what do you plan to do if he isn’t there, hm? For all you know he decided to take Elodie to one of his many hiding places—Christ knows he had the map on him. What if she’s in there with him right now… 

The thought alone should stop her, but it doesn’t. She silences the creak on the door and peers in, half expecting to be greeted by a knowing, accusatory grin from any or all of the boys. Instead, all the bed curtains are pulled shut and silent.

She dodges the books and candy wrappers that line the floor towards the bed flanked with posters of Quidditch players hovering asleep on their brooms. Reaching the curtains she stalls and realization crawls up her spine. She’s in his room, at his bed, and worst of all, she is uninvited. 

“James—” she whispers, her voice cutting through the cold air. She gives a slight rattle to the curtain and waits. Nothing. 

I knew it. He’s out starting his perfect life with his perfect pureblood girlfriend. 

“Hey, James…”

Finding a break in the drapes she pulls back the fabric. A sigh of relief tumbles out— he’s alone and asleep on his back, one arm angled above his head as though in mid-throw. Light streams in and catches the outline of his chest, making her heart thrum.

She’d spent so long considering the implications of him not being there that it never occurred to her to think about what she would do if he was. Suddenly a whole new barrage of questions start pouring in, muddying her vision. 

What if he gets angry? What if he wakes up all the lads and they take the piss? What if he’s bloody fucking naked? 

She’s sure the sound of her breathing alone will wake up the entire room. 

“James…”

Taking in a gulp of air, she presses a hesitant finger into his side. His eyes flash open, pupils dilating as they focus on her face in the dark.

“Merlin— Lily?”

He shoots up in the bed, running a hand through his ruffled curls while the duvet slips down, flashing her a peek at the top of his pants. 

Oh thank Christ.  

“What’s wrong—did something happen? Why are you—”

She shushes him, not wanting to disturb the rest of the boys. She can feel her knuckles going white as she grips the bed curtain for support.

“Lily, are you ok? When Remus was here I just assumed—-”

“ Shhhh–” she hisses, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. He leans up and shoves the curtains closed, an act that should be harmless but she’s only ever imagined him doing it when something else follows after…

“There’s a silencing charm— they won’t wake up,” he says sharply. All the sleep has left his voice and his jaw clicks in what little light still reaches through the topmost part of the curtains. 

“Are you hurt? Merlin Evans, talk to me.”

But what is she supposed to say?

“It's–I’m fine, I promise,” she starts, voice shaky. “It was just…a shit night. I wanted some company, but now I see this is–well–crazy so I’ll just…”

She makes to get up, tears threatening to pour out but a hot hand folds over her forearm and holds her in place. When she meets his gaze, his eyes are soft but drip with concern. 

“No, wait Lils. Do you want to talk about it?

Lils. Only her mum has ever called her that and he knows it. She’s told him. 

His other hand reaches out of the curtain and comes back with his glasses and wand. Casting a quick lumos the space lights up and she can see his features more clearly: confusion and worry riddle his face but something else too—something she can’t quite place. 

“I had a bad dream,” she says, knowing how childish it sounds. “About my mum and…some other stuff. It just became a bit much, you know?”

Again, his eyes roam her face. He has every reason to be unconvinced—normal sane people don’t usually climb into their mate’s beds when they have a bad dream. But a smile pulls at his lips.

“Yeah, I get it,” he murmurs and the hand on her forearm gives a light, reassuring squeeze. 

“What do you need? You want to go get some food? A little distraction? I can get the lads up in seconds and we can–”

“No—thanks,” she stammers, a blush billowing on her cheeks. “Honestly, I don’t know what I want. I just—”

Wanted to see you. Wanted to make sure you weren’t still with Elodie. Wanted to prove to myself how much of a horrid, cowardly person I am.  

“Didn’t want to be alone,” he finishes for her, giving a doting smile. It fills her with warmth.

“So, again, how can I help? You say the word and I’ll do it—you know I’m good for it.”

Yes, she does and that’s the problem. That’s why the words come out before she can even have the common sense to stop. 

“Can I stay here?”

He blinks, mouth opening and shutting with a quick snap. The feeling she couldn’t place before now spreads like wildfire onto his face, still mysterious but objectively warm. A sprinkle of blush lines his cheeks.

“Uh—yeah. Yeah of course.”

The dorm beds are notoriously small but he makes enough room for her to crawl over and slide under the blankets.Immediately, the weight of his arm drapes loose over her waist and the pressure feels good– like it’s protecting her from whatever might be lurking outside of the curtains. Settling in, she turns to press against his chest but he shuffles back, creating a small space between them.

“This alright?”

She looks up to see him peering back at her, a blush still lingering. She wiggles a bit closer, yearning to tuck herself into him and feel his skin on her back. A sharp intake of breath stops her. 

Maybe it is like third year all over again. Rejection slices right to her core. 

See? He doesn’t want you here–he’s just being kind. Tuney is right, you are a freak. A delusional, unlovable freak. 

Tears sting hot at her eyes and she blinks them away, afraid to let them fall and land on his skin. Minutes pass and she hears his breath slow, his fingers naturally curling up against her stomach in sleep. For a fleeting second she relishes the touch, but the damage is done. 

This is it. No more. He doesn’t want you—not the way you want him. If anything this just proves how disgusting you are…. 

She never gets to sleep, feeling his chest rise and fall and counting the seconds when she can peel his arm away to creep back out the way she came—hopefully like she was never there at all.

* * * * *

They don’t talk about it and to be honest, she isn’t quite sure he even remembers it. 

“You excited for the party tonight?” Marlene leans against Lily’s bed post, sporting a smug grin she knows doesn’t mean anything good. 

“You’re mistaken. The Quidditch Cup was last week—perhaps you don’t remember on account of being pissed all night.”

Marlene just gives a sharp laugh, flopping herself on the bed beside her. 

“Not pissed enough to shag Black.”

Lily gives her the side-eye. “Marls, that’s the definition of pissed behav—”

“ What I was saying–” Marlene interrupts with a cough, “ –is that the aforementioned Black and company are planning a little soirée for the end of the year tonight. I’m honestly shocked you don’t know seeing as you have buddied up to that lot.”

Maybe she would have known if she hadn’t been avoiding every one of them since the night of Slughorn’s party. 

“Ok—well, good for them I guess.”

Marlene, huffs like something is obvious which clearly isn’t.

“I am telling you this, because it might be a good time to try your luck with Aubrey—you know, the fit seventh year who gives you bedroom eyes all day.”

The image of James laying next to her flashes through her mind, shirtless and still. It sears like a hot knife into her chest. She already knows that if she had climbed into Bertram Aubrey’s bed, he would have probably done something about it.

But James didn’t.  

“Yeah, maybe I’ll see what his plans are,” Lily hears herself saying. 

Marlene just snorts.“ Honey—for you, his plans are wide open.”

*******

All night long, Sirius’ doles out shots, hovering them into the air so thirsty guests can reach up and pluck them like apples. Lily dodges them as they go past; Bertram’s on his third.

“To happy endings,” he says, holding up his glass with a wink. Like James, he is also all smiles but his feel predatory, like if she turns her back even for a second he will pounce. 

It’s fine. He’s fine. You’re fine. This is FINE. 

“You know, I’ve always been curious about what it’s like being with a muggleborn. I hear you lot get filthy.” 

It snaps her back real quick. 

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just fucking say that,” she hisses, reeling backwards. Either he is drunk or dumb or both because he doesn’t take the hint. 

“Oh c’mon Lily, I was just—”

But she doesn’t wait for him to finish, storming off into a random direction.

“I’m going to the loo. Do not follow me.”

She fights through throngs of party goers until a voice rises out from the fray.

“Trouble in the Aubrey hellscape?”

Sirius gives her a knowing grin, cocking his head towards where she left Bertram to bother some other unsuspecting girl. Lily just lets out a grunt, grabbing at a shot from midair.

“Apparently, he expects me to pop his muggleborn cherry.”

“Yikes,” Sirius whistles, wrinkling his nose.

“Well—if you want a life raft, our ickle Prongsy ducked out to have some of his ‘big feelings’ somewhere else. You could be a doll and give him a shot for me?”

He holds out two shots that are deftly juggled between his fingers and she eyes them warily. 

“What d’you mean ‘big feelings?’”

Sirius eyebrow arches, smile turning lethal. 

“I think you know the answer to that, Evans. Even if you are incredibly thick sometimes.”

She knows it’s a trap–him and James have that particular talent in common–but she takes the shots anyways. She didn’t want to, but she had noticed that James was at the party alone, hardly talking to anyone other than his usual pack of mates. Every so often she would turn around and catch him staring back at her—harboring a soft, sad sort of smile that she knows all too well…

It’s that same smile that convinces her to become face to face with his dorm room door for the second time that week. 

This is a friend thing. Sirius sent you here—nothing weird. 

He lays stretched out in the middle of the room, hands crossed behind his head. In a sad attempt to make the stone floor more comfortable, his pillow and blanket lay next to him, clearly abandoned as soon as they touched the ground. Remus’ charmed record player turns out a melodic, heady tune that wafts faintly through the air, skipping every so often with a static jolt.

“Anyone alive in here?”

She approaches slowly, holding up the shots with her most convincing smile. He continues to stare at the ceiling, eyes unblinking. 

Look–even now he doesn’t want you here. 

But she forces herself to try anyway.

“Is this a flobberworm impression? Because if so you should be doing a bit more wiggling.”

She knows it will get him and it does—a small smile curves on his lips.

“You don’t want to see my flobberworm impression,” he murmurs. “The mucus alone takes ages to clean.”

Ah, there he is. 

She snorts and mutters disgusting under her breath and it rewards her with a bit more smile. Setting his shot next to his forehead, she takes a seat on the other side of the space and waits. It’s still new to her to see him like this—pensive and calm. It had jarred her last year when they were in the forest and even after a whole school years’ worth of getting to know him, it still seems odd—like looking at the underbelly of a glittering jewel. 

“Sirius told me you were having some big feelings—his words, not mine.”

“Sounds like him.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

It sends cold water down her spine. When did James ever not want to talk about something?

It’s worrisome, but what worries her most is that despite all the signs saying leave him alone, she still wants to be near him.

“Alright Potter, you win. If it gets you out of this state,” she gestures at his full form, “then I’ll do some mischief with you.”

At the very least, it gets his attention.

“I’m listening.”

She fishes into her pockets, pulling out a joint that she had been saving for emergencies. At the sight of it, James’ nose scrunches.

“A fag? No thanks, Evans. I’m watching my girlish figure.”

Lily snorts, giving his leg a soft kick. 

“No, you git. A joint—you know, Marijuana? Weed? That muggle stuff that makes you feel good?”

That same look from when she was in his bed skitters across his features, red blooming on his jaw. 

“How good are we talking?”

She straightens up, busying herself with pulling her wand out of her hair so as not to linger on the fact that the last time she was in this room with him, he had pushed her away.

“It’s not quite like smoking a fag. You have to hold it in a bit to really feel it.”

She uses her wand to light the end. When it sparks up, James’ face does too.

“Got to admit it, Evans. I’m pretty wary of the whole inhaling smoke bit but I like this side of you.”

It shouldn’t make her heart feel like it’s going to explode out of her chest. 

She takes a small hit to show him, holding the smoke in the back of her throat and feeling the cool, calm of the weed start to take hold. James watches intently, eyes sweeping across her face as though reading a particularly interesting novel. She knows she must be blushing, but as the weed sets in, she no longer cares.

“Here, you try,” she says, holding out the joint. 

He blinks at it, eyes drifting from the weed to her face, a blush forming under the rims of his glasses. When he finally takes it, he brings it to his lips and takes a big drag, immediately sputtering into coughs. 

“Fucking hell, Evans. This is disgusting.” 

She falls back from laughing, holding onto her stomach like it will burst. At first he looks bashful, but then a grin begins to grow, her joy infectious. 

“Here–,” She says after getting a hold of herself. Like some sort of tiny miracle, every self deprecating thought has quieted. No sirens, no chants of mudblood, no Petunia calling her a freak. Just her and James with no effort whatsoever. Completely limitless.

“Do you trust me?”

It has to be the weed, there is no other possible explanation for it. Some flirty, suggestive version of her takes over and suddenly she is crawling towards him, the joint wedged between her lips. Again, there’s that look on his face, but this time it stays.

“Let me help you. Open your mouth.”

She sits back on her heels, taking a long drag. Grabbing at the side of his cheek, his unruly curls tickle at the ends of her fingers as she pulls him closer to her, their bodies moving in slow motion. Hovering her mouth right above his, she exhales, his face becoming obscured in smoke. When it subsides, he reappears as though becoming boggart James—his eyes glassy and wide and hungry.  

He reaches out his hand and she expects him to grasp the joint, but instead his fingers curl around her wrist, thumb pressing against her pulse. 

“James, you alright?”

What the boggart showed them can’t even compare to how it actually happens. He tips her backwards, pressing his body against her even before her back meets the floor. It feels as though his hands are everywhere at once: twisting through her hair, cupping her face, caressing down her back. It feels so overwhelming and yet she wants more—more rabid and frantic than she has ever felt in her life. His mouth twists with hers, tongues drifting against lips and open mouth kisses finding sensitive spots all along her neck and collar.

“You are my dream, ” he breathes while his nose traces the side of her cheek. 

“You are…so lovely.”

Later, she will realize that she took the lead. Grabbing his chin, she guides his mouth back to hers, nipping at his lower lip. He makes a broken, whimpering gasp and it’s everything she’s ever wanted in a single sound. It feels as though the room could catch on fire and they still wouldn’t let go—years, years! worth of tension building up to this singular moment. 

Her legs part and he takes up the space, tugging on her thigh to give him more room to press deeper. The sensation is instant and they both let out a gasp, their hips rolling instinctively in ways that she’s only seen in muggle dance halls.

“Tell me what you want and I’ll do it,” he says against her neck. “Anything Lils— anything.” 

She pulls him back to crash their lips together and it all becomes one big blur, the urgency making every touch not enough, every sweep of his tongue too short, the feel of him against her still so far away. 

“Take off my skirt.”

He doesn’t hesitate, hands moving quickly to find the zipper. In return, she finds the front of his belt-–taking the pressure that pushes into her hip as confirmation that he is exactly on the same page— so hungry that it hurts…

“PRONGS! We’re out of drinks—get your arse down here and help me with another run.” 

Sirius’ voice breaks the seal and everything rushes back, hitting harder and stronger than ever. 

What are you doing? He rejected you! He went on a date with Elodie! All he has ever done is toy with you and leave you to pick up the pieces… 

But then why does it feel so good? Why would he keep trying again and again—offering her anything she wanted?

“No, no, no, no,” he hisses against her skin, clutching her to him like Sirius might barge in at any minute and physically rip her from him.

“PRONGS! What are you doing!” 

She tries to pull away and he lets her, his fingers sliding against the patch of skin where, if he had gotten any farther, would have grazed the band of her knickers. 

“This was a mistake. I should go—” she pants. It feels like she has just come to from an incredible sickness, her inner monologue screaming louder than she’s ever allowed. 

You stupid, pathetic idiot. You know what happens when you let him in. 

“No.”

He looks absolutely mad, his lips swollen and his hair pushed out from where her fingers had teased it.

“Just— please. Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

He’s going to use you…trick you like he always does…make you a cog in his little games… 

“James–” 

“Please, Please.” He isn’t asking, he’s begging. Putting a hand on her cheek, he pulls her back and she lets him, their foreheads pressing together. 

“I don’t know what those muggle drugs do but Merlin, if this is just some hallucination I don’t want it to end, so please, Lils. Stay here.”

It feels cruel for him to use her nickname now, of all times. 

Still, she can’t help but consider it: waiting for him to come back so they can climb into his bed again and let everything fall away until it is just them. She wants it so bad it hurts—wants to believe that a world like that exists: where they haven’t made these kinds of mistakes with each other over and over and over again…

He presses his lips into her forehead, then her nose, then her mouth, sliding his palms all the way down until they reach for her hands. 

“One second— I swear.” 

With great effort he picks himself up and bounds out of the room—and moments later she does too. They never found out back in third, but as she descends the stairs she wonders if her and Severus’ boggarts would have been the same: her in love with someone who would never work. 

Slipping into her four poster bed, she tries to picture his face when he enters back into the dorm and finds her gone. It’s a small, sad sort of smile that she knows better than she knows herself at this point. A smile she can’t seem to shake.

[sturn1olo-ffics]

“That’s The Way I Loved You”

- Chris Sturniolo x Fem Reader (she/her pronouns used)

- based off the song “The Way I Loved You” Taylor’s Version by Taylor Swift

- WARNINGS: kissing (making out ‼️), mentions of fighting/arguing, crying, break up but happy ending; NOT PROOFREAD

- ABOUT: Chris and y/n get into a huge fight over Instagram comments and she breaks up with him. A month after, y/n decides it’s time to put herself out there again. She finds a great guy, but he’s just not Chris. That’s when she realizes what she really wants.

“I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain. And it’s 2am and I’m cursing your name. So in love that you act insane. And that’s the way I loved you.”

(Y/N’s POV)

I sat down on my couch after a long day and decided to open up my phone and check Instagram. My notifications were blowing up and I didn’t know why.

Chris posted a picture of you at dinner the night before with the caption: “My girl.”

You smile and feel butterflies swarm your stomach as you like the post and comment “Cringe 🤓” just joking around with him.

You check the comments, only to see hate comment after hate comment being left.

User332: “Bro she’s not even pretty”

y/nhater617: “why is he lowering his standards for her 💀”

User984: “i hope they break up soon fr”

————————————————————————————

{ iMESSAGE }

Chris: Hey you free tonight or ??

Y/n: You wanna come over?

Chris: Ok mind listener

Y/n: You mean mind reader 😭😭

Chris: Whatever. I’ll be there at 5

————————————————————————————

(Time passes)

Chris was over at my house. He was leaned up against my counter and I was sitting on the island across from him.

Scrolling through TikTok, I realize that this is a good time to tell him how I’ve been feeling about his Instagram comments.

“Hey, can we talk about something that’s been bothering me?” I said with a frown.

“Uh- yeah sure. What’s wrong?” Chris said worriedly as he stepped closer toward me.

“I just- you’re Instagram comments are always full of people hating on me… and I was just wondering if-” I started to say before he cut me off.

“Just ignore ‘em” he says in a nonchalant manner, like he didn’t care at all.

“Can you tell them to stop or at least turn your comments off?” I asked in response.

“What? No. I’m not turning my comments off on Instagram. And there’s nothing I can say that will actually get them to stop.” Chris said in a defensive, almost angry tone.

“Can you at least try?” I started to get fed up.

“Y/n. Not everything is going to be perfect just for you.” the words slipped out of his mouth.

“What?” I said, tears filling my eyes.

“Y/n, I meant that I just can’t do anything about it. What do you want me to do? Become a magic wizard and cast a spell on all these little girls to stop hating on you? Even if I could, I still wouldn’t care enough.” Chris yelled.

“Wouldn’t care enough?” I said softly, tears falling out my eyes and running down my cheeks.

“Y/n- it’s just this kinda stuff is what you have to deal with- it’s like character development. It’s a part of life- a part of my life at least-” he started to say before I slid off the counter and started to walk away.

“I’m also a part of your life. And if this is what it’s going to be like, then I don’t want to be anymore.” I said while opening up my front door, signaling him out.

“Y/n, what? You’re gonna break up with me over this?” he said quickly.

“I just can’t right now, Chris.” I responded as he walked out and I closed the door behind him.

I slid down the back of my door, salty tears rolling one after another out of my eyes.

We had gotten in fights before, screaming at each other even, but this one was final.

(ONE MONTH LATER)

I met a boy while I was at the grocery store. His name was Henry and he was really cute and seemed super sweet. We got each others numbers and started hanging out almost every day.

—————————————————————————————

{ iMESSAGE }

Henry: Hi!! I’ll pick you up at 6 if that’s okay?

Y/n: Sounds great! Can’t wait.

—————————————————————————————

But the truth is, I could wait.

He’s sensible and so incredible. And all my single friends are jealous. But something just felt off, every time we were together.

It’s been a month since me and Chris broke up, and I knew I wanted to put myself out there. So why did this superhero of a guy just not seem like enough?

I started to think about Chris more and more. Which is weird because I started to not care about the break up about a week after it happened. I always seemed to move on quickly for some reason.

I picked my phone up and shot Henry a quick text, asking him for a rain check.

It actually was pouring down raining outside, so I figured he wouldn’t question it.

I put on “10 Things I Hate About You” and plopped down on my couch with a bowl of popcorn and a Pepsi.

Pepsi was Chris’ favorite drink, and it grew on me over time as well.

“I hate it when you’re not around and the fact that you didn’t call. But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you, not even close. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.” the TV starts to play as I tear up.

Chris.

All I could think about was Chris.

He flooded my mind.

But why?

I started to get up and make my way to the fridge to grab the container of strawberries I was craving, but noticed I had already eaten them all.

“Great.” I said to myself. I really wanted those strawberries.

There was a grocery store at the end of my street, so I knew I could just walk down there and grab some.

I gather my things in my purse, put my shoes on, and grab my umbrella because it’s practically storming.

I reached for the doorknob, but before I could grab it, 3 knocks sounded at my door.

“Bruh I asked him for a raincheck. No way Henry’s outside my door right now.” I thought to myself.

I turned the knob and opened my front door, only to find Chris standing there. Soaked head to toe from the rain.

“Hi” he said out of breath.

“Chris?” I was confused.

“I take it you’re about to go hang out with Henry” he said, turning around.

“No, actually… I cancelled on him.” I said sharply.

Chris turned around and stared at me.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him.

“I- I don’t know. One minute, I was playing Fortnite on Twitch. And the next I was putting my shoes on to come here. I think I just-” he was saying before I cut him off with a kiss.

He leaned into the kiss almost immediately. Both of us getting soaked from the rain. But we didn’t care. We just craved each other.

He pulled back and tilted his head to deepen the kiss. One hand on my waist, the other on my back pulling me impossibly closer to him.

The kiss lasted for what felt like an hour, but was really 30 seconds.

“I’ve missed you. I’ve missed us.” I said with a smile, looking into his beautiful blue eyes.

He smiled back and pulled me into a longing hug.

“How about we go inside and dry off huh?” he joked.

“That, and you need to help me figure out how to let Henry down nicely.” I laughed.

“I love you, y/n” he said pausing his footsteps.

My heart jumped. He had never said this before.

“I love you too, Chris” I said with a smile.

—————————————————————————————

A/n: Hey guys! Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. I’m trying to make my fics better, so let me know what I could change. Also, let me know what you wanna see next.

Thank you for 80 notes on my last fic!!!

[thewadapan]

In light of the good news, I've finally sat down to watch skibidi toilet. It's pretty good, not too surprisingly! Absolutely no wonder that Michael Bay seems to have such a genuine fondness for it, considering how much of a love-letter it is to his work on Transformers and how dedicated it is to just producing spectacle above all else.

The first-person-POV of the cameramen in the show is easily its most inspired element, giving an intuitive structure to the episodes (about 50% of the time the episode ends because the cameraman gets fucking bodied). As it escalates in scope and ambitions, you see the device being used in more impressively inventive ways towards narrative ends, as cameramen and TV men are used to diegetically transition between subplots. But it's also used in more subtle ways, with different effects or overlays, or simply in how the cinematography itself can communicate the emotions of the cameraman doing the recording.

Moreover, the whole thing is very video-game-y, isn't it? Not even just in terms of the assets, but in terms of the action, the beat-to-beat plotting. It's a lot of sneaking around open-level environments, picking up new weapons from dead enemies, encountering new types of enemies or bosses with their own attack patterns and weaknesses. It instantly transported me back to being a teenager, fucking around in Garry's Mod, playing Team Fortress 2 with my mates, getting through Half Life, and all that. The SFM-filmmaker aesthetic isn't just a mode of convenience—although obviously the fact that DaFuq!?Boom! has managed to maintain a pretty prodigal output can be partly attributed to the fact he's using software and assets he's clearly very comfortable with—but rather, it informs everything about the storytelling.

People love to performatively (or ignorantly) act like skibidi toilet is some incomprehensible, unprecedented "brainrot" that the kids are into, but it's nowhere near as absurd as everyone likes to pretend. I feel like I've seen something very similar to it before, but the closest thing that comes to mind is the old trend of stick-figure fight animation borne out of Newgrounds. Or if not that, then yeah, the Transformers films! It's like the entire back half of Dark of the Moon depicting this huge guerrilla war in occupied Chicago—that's clearly the main touchstone.

It's a crime that the most absurd (and often disturbing) part of the show, the SKIBIDI DOB DOB DOB YES YES earworm constantly being repeated by the skibidi toilets, has seemingly been copyright struck, resulting in many portions of the official uploads suddenly just going silent for multiple seconds. It actually incenses me that someone, or some organisation, has been able to do this. I don't really have an ethically-consistent model of how copyright should work, but in cases like this, it seems like obviously a net negative for the world. For whatever reason, the Shorts versions of the episodes seem unaffected, but they're unideal for their own reasons.

The main thing is that past a certain point, the Shorts clearly become cut-down extracts of the main widescreen episodes, which presumably have the intended aspect ratio. Some of the longer uploads have what the content-slop lore freaks describe as "secret scenes", added-in, revised, or unabridged, often containing more of the long-term plot points. The idea that these might be "secret" from the perspective of anyone just watching the Shorts is really funny to me. Also, the fact that the episodes are being collected into "Season" compilations is hilarious to me in its own right—in what attention-deficient world can 20 minutes of a show be described as a full season? Gen Alpha is so cooked bro.

Thankfully, I was able to find a Google Drive where somebody's managed to archive the full series so far with uncensored audio. But then I was checking the YouTube uploads, and I realised some of the newer ones actually have closed captions for certain lines of dialogue! As in, the reversed speech of the cameramen etc, or even what some of the skibidi toilets are saying! These subtitles are missing from that Google Drive archive, meaning it's not a perfect way of watching the show either.

But the thing is, I also think adding subtitles to the show is a huge misstep on DaFuq!?Boom!'s part. One of the things I found most surprising about skibidi toilet is that, for the most part, it actually requires the viewer to be paying pretty close attention in order to follow any of the "plot", insofar as there is one. You have to be able to tell apart all these near-identical and often silent appliance-head guys. Sometimes the POV will be some random cameraman, but other times it'll be a recurring character, and noticing that will add something to the viewing experience. Most of all, the lack of speech (and lack of expressions) for most of the characters forces you to constantly be interpreting their body language to understand what they're communicating to one another.

The subtitles stand to ruin this aspect of the show. Also, the dialogue itself is poorly-written, bro. It's nice that the writer does have something in mind for everything they're saying to one another, but it's a complete mistake to actually present that as part of the text. Frustratingly, I can't even commit to just watching future episodes without captions, because what if he decides to seriously start putting load-bearing plot stuff in them?

(According to DaFuq!?Boom!'s word of god, all the skibidi toilets can understand all languages, they just choose to speak their superior skibidi language. God I love that.)

The main completed arc of the story, set in and around a bunker, is honestly fantastic, thrilling stuff, with some individual (rudimentary) character arcs and tons of great setpieces. My favourite episode of the show, in the immediate aftermath, delivers a legitimately great twist in a brilliant way. I'm excited for the next episode to drop, but moreover, I'm on the absolute edge of my seat waiting to see how skibidi toilet transforms itself for the mainstream media of TV and/or film.

[misogynisticmediatournament]

I think the warrior cats and warriors in your submission list are the same thing,btw do you have reccomendations of like. anything that writes woman well

Ah, you might be right; I think I skimmed that entry's propaganda, and it was very specific to whatever series it was about without dropping the full series name, and I was like "Maybe this is Warrior Cats? I feel lazy, I'm not going to look heavily into it."

So, as a reminder: use the full but common name for the series! For example, Miraculous Ladybug (this seems to be the most common title despite being a shortened version), Warrior Cats, BBC Sherlock, etc. And check that you don't have a space after the title's entry, as that counts as a different entry than the title without the space when using the UNIQUE function in Google sheets (which is how I count the unique entries).

As for recommendations, this is hard because I watch a lot of trash, especially recently, but:

- You can never go wrong with Revolutionary Girl Utena. Note: this show (and start with the show, not the movie) has a lot of potentially triggering stuff, so check out those warnings before you start if you have any triggers at all. It uses the triggering stuff very well and to tell its story and explore its themes, not just for, like, titillation though. Indeed, it is, I would argue, necessary for the story and themes the show seeks to explore. It is legally free on Youtube in...I want to say 480p, and in better resolution on Crunchyroll and Funimation (yes, Funimation's site is still up; I find it superior to Crunchyroll's since it actually includes closed captions for dubs, although it doesn't include newer anime from after the two companies merged). Also, you want to watch the sub for this. I'm normally not one to say "the dub is bad" and stuff and be a purist about it—in fact I normally go to bat for dubs—but, uh... yeah, the dub is bad this time. Crispin Freeman and Dan Green are delightful in it though, I'll give it that.

- Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood uses its female characters well. Maybe it could be better, I've seen some people in these tournaments have beef with it, but it's a pretty perfectly told story, like solid A+, with a lot of really great female characters who I find very satisfying so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. This is on Crunchyroll, Hulu, and I believe Amazon Prime?

- Don't let the title fool you: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is a fantastic show with great female characters who are complex and human, have compelling arcs, and are vital to the story. The relationship between Rebecca and Paula is central to the show and SO good, especially as the show goes on. The title is because it explores the trope of the crazy ex-girlfriend in a very humanizing way, and the title/opening song even mentions how the title is a sexist term, but it's a lot more nuanced than that. Also, it's a musical with very good original songs every episode. But check trigger warnings for this show too though. The show is streaming on Netflix last I checked.

- Uhh... maybe the first two seasons of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic? It's a kid's show, but it's good. I haven't seen it in years and years though, so I don't know if I can still fully vouch for it. I believe it is streaming on Netflix?

- Revue Starlight? I haven't thought about it heavily, but I had no beef watching it. This is streaming on HiDive.

- I've heard good things about Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury, but I can't vouch for it personally. It's streaming on Crunchyroll.

UPDATE: Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury is also legally on youtube!

Honestly, I know more imperfect shows that I'm satisfied with, like I give it a B+ to A- at least, but that I haven't thought heavily about than stuff where I'm like, "Oh, yeah, definitely, definitely, nothing I'd pick out there as a problem." For example, Baccano! is probably imperfect (as well as not streaming legally anywhere), but I don't remember being, like, struck by a bunch of problems there. So, I'm not the best for recs that I can give a 100% guarantee for.

[live-from-new-york-its]

honor among thieves was an incredible movie and I will be paying to see it again in theaters, as a tribute to my love for john francis daley

[asbealthgn]

(the thrilling conclusion. also posted on ao3! here's some art of the kitten i did. part 1, 2, 2.5, 3)

The Corroded Coffin fan base find out about Steve entirely by accident.

It starts, of course, with the kitten. After Eddie’s had her for a few days he decides to make an official post on his Instagram, which is a big deal because he normally just lets his PR people handle posting. All he normally does is post shit to his story, but the kitten deserves more formal recognition than that.

So he picks his favorite pictures of her (his camera roll is filled to the brim at this point) and posts them with the caption meet the light of my life, Lemon Verbena Deathclaw Goblikon Munson (Lemon for short). It’s like kicking a wasp’s nest, but, like, the good version: everyone and their dog shares the post to their stories, edits set to any number of Corroded Coffin’s hit songs are spread across TikTok, coffintwt is in an uproar.

Several hours later, Eddie posts a video to his story. He films Lemon on the couch and asks her, “Miss Lemon, how does it feel to be the best, most famous cat in the world?” She responds by meowing loudly and trying to bite his camera. Steve is sitting on the couch, so part of his thighs end up in the video.

Aside from having great thighs, the odd sliver of Steve’s legs or torso or arms showing up in various photographs and videos that Eddie puts on his story over the next few days does not draw a lot of attention from the Corroded Coffin fanbase. If Eddie were to guess, he would probably say they assume it’s just Eddie or one of his bandmates. It’s not until Eddie posts a video of Lemon trying to climb onto the couch on her own and Steve’s hands make an appearance steadying her that people take notice. More specifically, the Twitter account that’s dedicated to posting close-ups of the members of Corroded Coffin’s hands posts a screenshot of the video with the caption those hands do not belong to our boys.

From there, it becomes a wild source of controversy on Twitter as coffintwt tries to figure out for sure if those hands belong to anyone in the band. There’s a lot of back and forth, but ultimately they seem to agree that the original poster is The Authority on the matter. Then it becomes a game of going back through other pictures of Lemon and trying to figure out if the guy showing up the background of so many of them is also someone outside the band. A lot of screenshots start flying around with captions like none of the corroded boys would wear yellow or the rest of the band other than eddie were in LA when this one was posted and so on and so on. 

A consensus is reached: Eddie has been spending a lot of time with someone not in the band, quite possibly a boyfriend.

On a rainy Tuesday three weeks after they met, Eddie lays back on his couch with Steve laying on his chest and Lemon laying on his chest. “They’re onto you, Stevie,” Eddie says. 

“Who’s onto me?” Steve asks, not looking away from the basketball game on the TV. He’s terminally offline and has been blissfully unaware of the saga unfolding. 

“Twitter,” Eddie explains. “My fans have noticed you in the background in a lot of pictures of Lemon and they’ve started putting the pieces together.”

Steve scratches Lemon under her chin and she purrs happily. “Why are they looking at me instead of her?”

“Hell if I know,” Eddie says, reaching around Steve to rub Lemon’s head. “It’s not like you’re super drop-dead gorgeous or anything.”

Grinning, Steve turns his head to kiss Eddie. “Thanks, baby.”

Before Steve can turn his attention back to the game, Eddie hooks his finger under his chin to keep Steve’s eyes on him. “I have a question for you,” he says, “Well, two questions.”

“What’s up?” Steve asks. 

“First, do you want to be my boyfriend?” Eddie knows that three weeks is kind of ridiculously fast, but Steve has practically moved in already, spending all his free time here and sleeping in Eddie’s bed most nights. So Eddie’s not super worried about what his answer is going to be.

Sure enough, Steve smiles. “Yeah, I do,” he says. He kisses Eddie before asking, “What’s the second question?”

“Well, since you said yes, do you mind if I post something about us to stop the speculation?”

“I don’t mind,” Steve says, “But can I tell Robin first so she finds out from me?”

Eddie nods. “Yeah, of course. Do you want to go ov—?” But oh, Steve is already pulling out his phone and calling Robin. Okay then. 

“Hey, Robbie! Just wanted to let you know that Eddie’s my boyfriend now….No, he wasn’t already….Well, we hadn’t talked about it….Okay, that’s kinda mean….No, it’s okay….Yeah, Lemon is great! Do you want to talk to her?” Steve holds the phone up to the kitten and she bites the microphone. Steve puts the phone back to his ear. “That was her….Okay, I actually have to go. I just wanted to tell you….Bye, love you!”

Steve puts his phone back in his pocket and then grins at Eddie. “Alright, I’m ready.”

“If there’s one thing about you, baby, you’re a go-getter,” Eddie says, laughing. He gets his own phone out and holds it out to take a picture of them. Lemon, who is fascinated by phones, looks up at the camera as he snaps the photo. Perfect. 

Eddie posts the picture with the caption the rumors are true, Lemon has two dads. she gets her looks from Steve’s side. Then he puts his phone down and wraps his arms back around Steve. He can worry about his fans’ reaction later. Right now, he has other plans.

“What do you say, boyfriend?” he murmurs in Steve’s ear. “Should we go put Lemon in the bathtub?”

tagging: @nburkhardt @stargyles @csinnamon-fox @manda-panda-monium @silly-jellyghoty @lifeisnotsobadonceyoustopcaring @starquirk @lightwoodbanethings @dramaticwriter @adaed5 @freyaforestafay @roaringgoodshow @sherrylyn628 @stevesbipanic @stevethehairington @henderdads @artiststarme @softboisteve @gregre369 @korixae @kokoshka67 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @piningapple @iwouldsail @thesuninyaface @aftermidnightwriting @hamiltonsteele @brassreign @bitchysunflower @homosexual-having-tea @adelicioustragedy @trashpocket @dramaticwriter @eddiemunsonswife @blackpanzy @bitchysunflower @adelicioustragedy @thegingerrapunzel @overhillunderhill @beckkthewreck @glittergluekintsugi @elyondelannoy @somegirlsomewhere @pluto-pepsi @shinekocreator @goodomensgurl @savory-babby @blues-tunes @babyblender @221b1tch

(tagging is having issues so i'll tag the rest in a reply)

[thefactsofthematter]

for the fic title game!

“i dream of you almost every night (hopefully i won’t wake up this time)

- @we-are-inevitable ✨

@we-are-inevitable i am taking this title very literally but i think you’re gonna like this one 😁

davey jacobs has a crush.

and it’s not that weird. okay? he’s not a creep or anything. he’s just a normal guy… with extreme social anxiety, who pretty much only talks to his parents and his therapist on the day-to-day, far too freaked out to interact with anyone else. he tries not to be too hard on himself about his social ineptness— he’s mentally ill, it’s a disability, and it’s not his fault— but he often finds himself frustrated with the situation.

he’s taking online university classes, he works from home doing simple stuff like data entry and surveys and typing captions/transcripts (so that he can just take jobs from a database and do them himself without needing to send pointless emails or make calls), and he rarely leaves his apartment. he’s been diagnosed with agoraphobia, among several other overlapping anxiety disorders. he truly wants to get better— he checks in with his therapist every single day and he’s genuinely making progress— but it’s hard.

a big step for him is that he’s started going out to get a coffee every morning. he mobile orders it from the shop on his block, so that he doesn’t need to talk to anyone, but he still gets to go pick it up himself. someday, he’ll try to move on to actually talking to the staff or buying a drink that isn’t black coffee, but he’s not quite there yet.

there’s this barista. jack, his handwritten name tag reads. he’s there every morning, looking utterly joyful— he seems to truly enjoy making good coffee and greeting people and pouring fancy latte art to impress everyone waiting for their drinks. he’s pretty, in a way that most people aren’t. he’s a normal-looking person, not necessarily a model or anything, but his confidence shines through so brightly that it makes it hard to look away from him. simply put, davey is awe-struck by this beautiful man.

he doesn’t talk to jack, doesn’t even quite make eye contact with him, but jack starts to recognize him. he never pushes davey to interact, but smiles at him as soon as he walks in and has his coffee ready and greets him with things like there he is! right on time! here’s the usual, dave— have an amazing day! and davey always catches himself thinking about jack on his way home. it doesn’t even make him nervous that jack notices him and talks to him, because he finds he sort of likes it.

and then he has a dream about jack. you see, in his dreams, davey isn’t so anxious— he can talk to people without his throat closing up, and he can go out and do things without the utter terror that tends to grip him when he deviates from his routine. it’s an escape from real life, and he often looks forward to living in that world for some brief relief. he has a dream where he decides to take his laptop to the coffee shop to sit there and work, and then jack comes over to talk to him, and they hit it off and exchange numbers.

the dreams don’t stop. almost every night, jack is there— or rather, this fantasy version of jack that davey’s lonely and anxious brain has invented. davey doesn’t actually know the guy past their daily customer-employee interactions, where jack has a one-sided conversation while davey forces a polite smile. in davey’s fictional world, though, they’re in love <3

there’s 2 ways this au could go from here. option one, davey tells his therapist, who helps him thoroughly unpack the unhealthy obsession and eventually, after that’s dealt with, encourages him to actually introduce himself to jack and see where real life takes him. it’s cute and sweet and it turns out they do make a very good pair.

option two (which i think you’ll like jac bc i know you love a toxic javid au) is that davey gets a little unhinged.

the obsession grows, and he doesn’t tell anyone about it. he finds jack’s social media, figures out where he lives and who he knows, and starts to piece together every bit of information that he can. it’s not like he’s going to use it for anything— that would be creepy. he’s obviously not a stalker or some kind of freak… he just likes jack. he likes knowing about him, likes seeing him every day, and loves seeing him in his dreams, where everything is coming together as realistically as possible. it’s not just at night anymore, no, he daydreams constantly about the life that he’s convinced he’s supposed to be living. if he weren’t such a shut-in, he’d be happy. he’d have jack. that’s how things should be.

i’ll leave it open to interpretation how far this goes— maybe the obsession fades and jack never finds out. maybe davey goes too far. he’s definitely not quite joe from you (which i haven’t watched but have heard enough about to know that this au is starting to have similar vibes) but he’s def got a creepy side to him. idk. i’m never actually going to write this, but i feel like it could make an interesting psychological horror kinda thing to go with this option 👀 feel free to use your imagination!!

[ageofnations]

Chamomile // drw // Pt.III

Summary: Danny often feels overshadowed by his best friends and bandmates. You, however, can't seem to get your mind off of him.

Paring: Danny x fem!reader

Word Count: ~2.8k

Warnings: talk of mental health, hangover symptoms (and medicine for such symptoms)

A/N: i never could find the actual interview i based this from, so i just came up with one of my own. PLZ remember that this is fictional and in no way how i think the boys actually treat Danny. thank you guys for all of your support <3

Serie s Masterlist

Part III

It seemed as if the concept of sleep was foreign to you tonight. Despite the protest of the others, you chose the couch. You were adamant that they sleep in their own beds, even through their slurred arguments. But because of their drunken states, they didn’t put up much of a fight.

Usually, you found it easy to sleep on the boys’ couch. You had done it so many times before that it seemed almost second nature to you. The curve of the cushions and the familiar fragrant scents brought comfort similar to that of a lullaby. Tonight was different though. You were restless and found it hard to keep your eyes closed for long. You went from too hot to too cold, comfortable to uncomfortable. You tossed and turned until you finally gave up completely on trying to fall asleep. You picked up your phone off the table beside the couch, deciding to pass the time with more social media.

One of your favorite hobbies was searching the hashtags related to the band and looking through the mountains of fanmade content. You loved seeing videos and pictures of old performances, especially from the earlier years of Greta Van Fleet. You sometimes shared funny memes with the boys and read through stories to see how the fictional versions of the boys matched with reality. You were just about to switch the social media platform you were investigating when you came across a portion of a written interview with Danny. You read the caption before anything.

“This makes me so sad for Danny,” it said, paired with various crying emojis. The comments and tags matched the nature of the caption.

You were curious as to what the fuss was all about, so you decide to read the screenshots yourself.

Interviewer: So you’ve been going for a while now, but do you ever still get nervous when going out on stage?

Danny: Absolutely. I’d like to say I’m lucky that I sit at the back of the stage. Josh, Jake, and Sam are closer to the fans than I am, so they don’t get to mask their nerves as much. I’ve come up with strategies and tactics to calm down if I ever need them though.

Interviewer: Have you ever needed to use those?

Danny: More often than not, yeah. I had to work really hard to get where I am today, and I’m still trying to improve. I came into the band known as the “replacement,” and some days, I still feel like my spot in the band is fragile. Like they’d kick me out if I messed up. That feeling on top of performing in front of thousands of fans is terrifying.

Interviewer: And would they? Kick you out?

Danny: We’ve grown to be brothers essentially, so I’d hope they wouldn’t. But I can only hope they keep me around as long as the band is around.

Interviewer: But you’re the only one who isn’t a biological brother right?

Danny: Yeah, which is why I feel so fragile in the band. They all have a special bond that I could never have. Kicking out a family member would be much harder than just a close friend. Everyday I’m thankful that I’m still in the band.

Interviewer: Are there any perks to not being a brother?

Danny: Yeah, I mean, I guess I have a form of leverage over them. I can call things out how they are and mediate when necessary. I help things go as smoothly as possible, and I’ve been given the role of the middle man. When it comes down to it, I feel like that’s why they keep me in.

That was all the snippet included. There were no links, no sources, no context. You locked your phone and set it back down on the table.

You felt sad. There was an indescribable pain in your chest that you could only attribute to sadness.

Danny had talked to you about his insecurities with his playing, especially during and after his injury, but he had never expressed something like this. Feeling like he was only still in the band as a peacemaker for the others? It hurt to even imagine him doubting himself that much. He was an amazing drummer and an even better person to be around. He mattered more than he would ever know.

You wondered if the others knew about what was said in this interview. If he didn’t mention it to you, you imagined he hadn’t talked to his band mates about how he was feeling. You didn’t know if you should ask him about it or if you should just act like you hadn’t seen the interview at all.

You felt a stray tear fall from your eye, but you quickly wiped it away. You didn’t realize that you had started crying, and honestly, you didn’t know why you were crying at all. You felt a little helpless in the situation and guilty that you hadn’t noticed any difference until today.

You sat up and brought your knees to your chest. Before you could continue to overthink what you had read, you heard shuffling in the kitchen behind you.

“Bip?” you heard Danny’s groggy voice call out from the darkness.

Your body went stiff, but you turned your head in response. You were thankful that he couldn’t see your tear-stained cheeks.

“Did I wake you?” he whispered. “I’m sorry, I just got thirsty.”

“No, you didn’t wake me, Danny,” you rasped back. His apology caused your guilt to flourish even more. “I can’t sleep.”

He turns on a dim light in the kitchen. It barely lit the room, but it was just enough to be able to barely see in the living room. You heard him turn on the faucet briefly to fill his glass with tap water. “Me neither.”

“Is something wrong?”

He takes a sip before answering with, “Just a long day.” He quietly walks to you. “Care if I sit with you for a bit?”

You weakly smile at him. “Of course not.”

Instead of sitting at the other edge of the couch, he sits on the cushion directly beside you. His body heat prickled your shoulder, and you could’ve swore he was leaning into you a bit. You sat in brief silence, not looking at one another, before you finally started a conversation to keep your mind from drifting to the interview.

“How’s Josh’s hand?”

He let out an airy laugh devoid of any humor. “He’s okay. It’s burnt, but nothing a little Neosporin can’t handle.”

You laugh but wince when you feel a throbbing pain in your head. You were mostly sober at this point, but all of the beers were starting to catch up to you. Danny glanced at you as soon as he heard the noise come out, and his eyes stopped at the table beside you. Earlier, he had set out two painkillers for you to take before you slept to avoid the hangover symptoms. You still hadn’t taken them.

“You really should take those, ya know,” he noted. You could sense the worry in his voice, but you tried to put that out of your mind.

“I’ll be okay,” you said with a smile as you massaged your temples.

“I know you will, but I want you to be okay now. Here.” He handed you the glass of water he had been sipping on. Once you grabbed it from him, he reached across you to the table. You blushed at the feeling of having him so close, draped across you.

He grabbed the two pills and held them out to you. “Please take them. I promise it’ll help. Especially in the morning.” His eyes dig into yours in his best endeavor to persuade you away from your stubbornness.

You took the pills from him and took them with a swig of water. The feeling of being taken care of and looked after was comforting, but you were also embarrassed from being babied.

“Thank you,” Danny said sweetly.

The blush you wore grew as you realized he had dropped his hand to rest right above your knee. You felt his hand twitch slightly once you noticed the placement, but he never moved away from you.

“Thanks, mom,” you tease in an attempt to lighten the nerves inside of you. You think it works until he laughs at the joke and pulls away right after giving a small squeeze. You watch his reaction, secretly proud that you somehow made him genuinely laugh through his sleep deprivation.

Once the laughter dies down, you settle back into silence. You can sense the tension in Danny’s body language. He focuses on his hands as he picks at his cuticles. He licks his lips and clears his throat nervously to prepare his next sentence.

“Thank you, for checking on me today.” His voice had lowered to a whisper again. “Both times, I guess. It felt nice to know someone noticed that something was wrong, but I’m sorry to make you worry.”

You were slightly shocked to hear the openness in his admission. He had seemed so closed-off all day that this was a bit of a change in pace.

“You don’t have to apologize, Danny. You’re my best friend.”

He cracked a smile at you. “And you’re mine.”

“You know you can talk to me, right?”

He nodded. “I know,” he breathed. “I appreciate you so much, Bip.”

He always sensed the times that using that nickname would make you smile. You ran your finger around the rim of his glass that you were still holding. This was another time you wished you knew what he was thinking. This moment didn’t feel completely platonic, but you didn’t want to be the one to bring it up and potentially ruin what friendship you did have.

But you couldn’t deny the obvious feelings blooming for him.

“Sometimes,” he started again, breaking you away from your thoughts. “-it’s a little hard to talk about how I’m feeling, ya know?”

Of course you knew. You knew with every fiber of your being how he was feeling, but you didn’t respond, egging him to go on.

“I’m so used to taking care of other people that it’s difficult to process when others want to take care of me,” he finished.

“The helper needs help too,” you say. “It takes practice to get used to it, but you do so much for me, for all of us. You’ve got to let us reciprocate that.”

You could almost see the gears turning in his head as your words soaked in. He nodded and took a deep breath.

You hesitated before asking. “Do you want to talk about what has been bothering you?” You felt the tension return, and you immediately regretted asking. “You don’t have to-“

“I need to,” he interrupted. He silently sorted through his thoughts, trying to come up with a sentence that described all of his emotions. You could tell he was trying to not talk himself out of the conversation completely. “I don’t feel like I’m part of the band.”

There it was. The thing that has been bothering him for God knows how long. It was finally in the open, and he needed to talk about it.

“W-what? Danny, they love you.”

“They say that, yeah. I just don’t feel it sometimes.” He shifted his concentration to a string that was loose on his shirt. “The guys get front stage, I sit in the back. Sometimes I don’t even get a light that shines on me.” He sighed. “When it comes to concert outfits, the designers rarely even ask for my input because people won’t see me as much. It’s depressing.”

You opened your mouth, but he wasn’t finished.

“I feel like I’m a manager more than anything. I mean…you saw them today in the studio. It’s like that all the time. I didn’t even get a say in anything today, but the only reason they stopped arguing is because I reminded them that they could just use their other riffs and melodies in future songs.” His breath faltered once he cut himself off, and you could hear the tears forming.

You reach over to grab one of his hands away from the string he had been distracting himself with and rested your clasped palms on his leg. It wasn’t until then that he looked up at you.

“Danny, you have got to talk to them about this. I don’t know when, or how, but you need to. I noticed the way they treated you today, and you don’t deserve that. But I also know that they probably don’t realize that what they’re doing is hurting you. They’d want you to speak up.” You end your words by squeezing his hand.

He rubbed his thumb against yours, choosing to forego a verbal response.

“You're their best friend. They would do anything for you, just as you’d do anything for them. They are so lucky to have you, Danny.” Sincerity was dominant in your voice as you corrected yourself. “We are so lucky to have you.”

You two sat, shoulders pressed together, hands clasped as one, for a few silent minutes. You felt at peace knowing that he felt comfortable confiding in you. His fingers being intertwined with yours made you feel connected to him, in more ways than you could describe.

“I- I don’t know what I’d do without you, Y/N.”

Of all things, that was not on the list of things you expected to hear come from him. You grin at him to try to mask the butterflies in your belly, which were growing every passing second. You hoped he didn’t take your silence as discomfort because that was far from what you were feeling.

He shifted beside you and started to stand from his place on the couch. The disappointment from the idea of him getting up made your blood run colder than it had been. You frowned to yourself, but quickly straightened your face.

“I could make some tea before I try to go lay back down. It might help the both of us go to sleep,” he chuckled.

And just as fast as your smile faded, it reappeared. He was back to the same ole Danny that cared so deeply for others.

“That sounds great, yeah.”

He started walking towards the kitchen, but he didn’t let go of your hand until he absolutely had to. You heard him laugh softly once your grasps were ripped from one another from the distance growing between you. While he started to make the tea, you thought to yourself, replaying the conversation in your mind while you patiently waited for him to return.

You had already started to drift in and out of sleep by the time he was done making the tea. He tried to lightly set the cup on the table beside you, but the soft clink made your eyes snap open fully.

“Looks like you don’t even need the tea anymore,” he taunts.

A laugh was forced out of you as you yawned. “And let all your hard work go to waste? Never.” You grabbed the cup and sipped away at the warm liquid. The drowsiness you were experiencing only escalated once the chamomile tea entered your system. You two carried on soft whispers of sleepy conversation until you had finished your beverages.

He took the cups to the sink and washed them as quietly as possible. You had rested your head on the back on the couch with heavy eyelids. He was wiping his hands as he hesitantly asked, “Do you…wanna sleep in my bed?”

You couldn’t hide the smile that crept onto your sleepy face. “As long as you’ll let me cuddle you like old times.”

“I don’t see how that benefits you, but I’m always down if you’re offering,” he shrugs and grabs the blanket you had been lying under. There was a baby pink tint on his cheeks that you couldn’t see. “Come on.”

Once you had transported your belongings to his room, you climbed under the warm comforter and blankets. He had turned on a fan, knowing that you slept best with white noise. As promised, he scooted as close to you as he could, his back flush against your chest. You brought one of your arms to rest under your head and play with his hair while the other arm was draped across his waist.

As you let your mind and body rest, you smiled at the familiarity of this position, having done this countless times before during sleepovers and movie nights at your apartment. Though, there was something different about it this time.

He was clutching the hand that you had placed over his belly.

————

>>>part IV

taglist (click here to join!): @gretavanflowerpower @joshkiszkas @teenagesublimefan @streamsofstardust @fireandsaltydogs @gretavanflipflop @kdarling1 @greta-van-chaos @stardustingold

thank you for reading <3

[skygent]

An Excerpt from Chapter 1 of Amity Blight: Powerful Witch, Awesome Girlfriend and Unintentional Samus Aran Cosplayer

Art by Sunati!

…

As the Blight family airship, The Profundity, flew through the clouds, Amity struggled to change into the strange undergarment her father insisted she needed to wear. The purple fabric was soft but seemed to radiate magic and was decorated with lavender accents and was so extensive it even had gloves for her hands and booties for her feet.

“Dad, what is this for again?”

“Think of it like a second skin, it’s supposed to protect you from whatever we may find out in Titan’s Shadow.” He explained from his cabin as the passenger carriage shook. “It’s your last line of defense in case your hazard suit is compromised. I call it a zero suit.”

As Amity zipped up the suit, she turned around and smiled at her old home away from home. When she was little her parents hated leaving her home with any kind of sitter when they went on business trips, so they had a small passenger cabin set up in what used to be the ship’s parlor.

It was a little spartan when it came to its features, with only a simple bed, bare metal walls, and a few teal-colored light rails above her bed and at its sides, to keep the Bandersnatch away of course.

It had been so long since her last trip on this ship that there was still an Azura plushie by the foot of the bed, right where her father had set it before carrying her back into the manor and tucking her into bed after they returned from a neighboring isle late one night.

A night that felt like it was a lifetime ago.

She smiled at the plush, remembering how her father had got it for her one day while out of the market with her mother before she picked up her scroll and took a picture of it for Luz.

Look, I found an old friend!

After a few minutes, her girlfriend answered.

Sooo cute! I love her, I’m glad you reunited!

A follow-up message quickly appeared.

How’s it going so far?

It’s fine. I was just getting changed. She typed with a grin before examining herself in the mirror and taking a picture of herself before sending it to Luz with the caption:

Bring your daughter to work day uniform. How do I look?

After a brief delay, she received her response.

Hnnng, like the most gorgeous witch on The Isles.

Amity blushed and turned to the side before she took another picture.

How about from this angle?

Her girlfriend’s response was immediate.

Amity please, I’m trying to study! this is torture!

The lavender-haired girl giggled as typed out a reply.

Am I distracting you? 😉

Luz replied with a gif of a small bird sweating profusely.

Y E S

Then came a follow-up message.

…can you bring that outfit on our trip?

Amity waited a few minutes before replying to that one, content to keep her beloved guessing.

Maybe I will…maybe I won’t…

Luz’s responses came flooding in, making Amity cackle.

THIS IS AWFUL

I'M GONNA DIIIIE

You killed meeee

The last message was accompanied by a black and white picture of Luz looking up at the sky with her tongue hanging out and her eyes closed with the words ‘RIP Luz Noceda’ written elaborate cursive.

Cause of death? Amity wondered.

Gay panic. Very tragic. Affects millions.

Amity snickered before she decided to deploy the coup de grace. She pulled up one leg and tucked it behind her as she raised one arm and made a v-shape with her fingers before closing one eye and taking the picture as her father knocked on the door.

“We’ll be landing soon. Make sure you put your hazard suit on as well.” He warned as Amity typed in a caption before sending the message.

Gotta go. study hard, love you! xoxo

Luz’s reply was a quick sketch of a chibified version of herself with a ghost leaving her body with the words you got it, babe, love you more! following the image.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/37879588/chapters/94590625

[cherryonigiri]

my divider tutorial

hey everyone! I’ve been seeing a lot of people asking about how to make text dividers + banners on my feed, thought I would just do a quick tutorial on how I make my stuff! 

link to banner tutorial here. 

For context - I don’t have photoshop, and I pretty much had zero experience in anything graphic/web design when I first started making these for my blog. I’ll be using free programs that are all accessible through a web browser, so there is no need for you to download any kind of software to do this!

Dividers: Photopea

photopea is free to use and it has a browser mode so you don’t need to download it to be able to use/edit photos! The only downside is that it won’t save projects after you close your tab. So you’ll need to make sure to download png/jpgs of anything you make in photopea onto your computer (which you’d need to do anyways to insert the banners into a tumblr post) before closing the tab.

1) go to photopea (photopea.com)

2) click File > New

3) Create a new project - for my dividers I usually use 520 px (horizontal) by 5 px (vertical). I also usually title my dividers, so if I need to reuse them (for a series/multiple creations) I can find them in my downloads/writing folder.

4) Pick you color

You should now see a white bar in your workspace. Click on the color picker tool. It’s the icon with two overlapping squares near the bottom of the tool bar on the left side of your screen

I usually just try to choose a color that matches the banner/aesthetic of my banner for the series/writing piece. Click “OK” when you’re happy with the color.

If you want to directly sample a color from a banner, you can use the sample/inkdrop tool in photopea. You can do this by opening your banner image in photopea (I’m using one of my banners as an example).

you can click on any part of your banner using the inkdrop tool (it automatically records it in the color picker tool) to sample that color, then switch back to your divider tab.

6) Fill your divider - go to the Edit Menu (upper left corner) > Fill 

Then fill your divider (I usually use 100% opacity and don’t really mess with the settings)

7) IMPORTANT: DOWNLOAD YOUR DIVIDER AS AN IMAGE (JPG recommended)

This is really important! Since photopea’s free version DOES NOT SAVE projects, make sure to download anything you’ve finished before closing the tab. I recommend downloading in JPG format, as tumblr now resizes png images/messes up the look on desktop for PNGs.

8) Add the banner to you post! 

I usually use the photo post option when using banners (Banner goes in the photo album part of the post, and the caption is my writing)

You can add the banner by clicking the camera button in the draft editor (press enter to create an empty line and you should be able to see it)

And then you’ll have the pretty line/text divider! 

Hope this helps if anyone needs it - if you need help with banners, I made a quick tutorial about using Canva + where to find images to use for banners!

[realcube]

randomly falling asleep with hq!! characters 💤

navi | masterlist | taglist 

thank you anon for this cute request!

characters: ushijima, tsukishima & yachi 

content warning: swearing, mentions of sexual assault 

thank you to anon for this cute request

wakatoshi ushijima

♡ he shows affection in his own...special way 😊

♡ by that, i mean that if you fall asleep while sitting next to him and he thinks you look cute, he’ll just stare (●__●)

♡ like deadass if he was anyone else, it’d be creepy as hell but he’s your bf so-

♡ he stares bc not only do you look precious, but he doesn’t want to touch you as he’s afraid that he might wake you up

♡ though, if you’re in public (like sitting next to him on the train) he might gently put his arm around your shoulders to make sure that onlookers know that you’re safe with him

♡ also, it only takes one time for him to catch on to your habit of disappearing and falling asleep in the most unconventional places and istg he is the BEST at guessing where you are - it’s a gift

♡ like he’ll arrive home and if you’re not there to immediately greet him with kisses, he’ll take a moment - let him boyfriend senses take over and walk him over to whatever room is giving him ✨(y/n) vibes✨, open the door and there is a 99% chance you are in that room sleeping 

♡ and he probably got it right first guess (which is a pretty big deal considering y’alls house resembles a sims fkn mansion made with motherload money)

♡ he’ll open the door to the storage cupboard to find you sleeping with the mr muscle spray and it’s such a shame bc he was going to be a clown and make a ‘why are you cheating on me?’ joke but you were in REM sleep 🙄

♡ or he’ll walk in to the conservatory and see you laying in the fetal position on the floor and that is the ONLY time he interferes with your sleep bc he doesn’t want you to fuck up your back 🥺

♡ like he has an obsession with your posture - like if you are slouched he will tell you to stand up straight or if you are sitting hunched in a chair, he’ll creep up behind you to start massaging your shoulders while fixing your posture 

♡ not to be rude though- just bc he cares

♡ also, he never questions how you end up falling asleep in the most random of places, he just goes with it 

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

ushijima sighed as he hung up his jacket, realising that this was one of those days were you won’t come scurrying to the front door to greet him with kisses and instead he had to hunt through in search of you. although, it wasn’t much of a hunt considering his gut instinct said you’d be in the study room and there you were, cuddled up by the bookshelf. 

however, your back was hunched over in way that didn’t look to comfortable so ushijima thought it was his duty to transport you to somewhere that there was a lot more appropriate and fit for sleeping.

so he gently slipped one hand behind your back and the other under your knees to slowly pick you up and carry you to your shared bedroom. is efforts may have been in vain though as he noticed one of your lids flutter open out of the corner of his eye, “good afternoon, sweetheart.” he hummed, steadily shifting his hand from your back to the back of your head to tenderly caress your cheek with his thumb as you cuddled into his chest. “are you awake?”

“No.” you groaned.

“Shame, I was going to suggest going out for walk on the beach--”

“I’m awake! Let’s go!” 

kei tsukishima 

♡ he probably calls you lazy but he’s really just jealous of how well you can sleep

♡ coz he just lays in bed till 4AM staring at the ceiling 

♡ i imagine that if you were to fall asleep next to him in a crowded, bustling place - like on a train - he’d take off his headphones and clasp them over your ears so the loud announcements don’t wake you up  

♡ he doesn’t fall asleep on transport btw (not even planes) so don’t worry about missing your stop 

♡ though he’s not usually a fan of PDA, he’ll hold your hand without a second thought to lead you out the train when you’re still recovery from the post-sleep haze because of course he doesn’t want to lose you in the crowds of people or anything

♡ and if you have a cute lil sleepy face then he might take a picture but he’d probably edit the picture with snapchat or something and draw like a moustache on you, put a sarcastic caption or something then send it to you 

♡ (but he’d save an unedited version of the pic bc you’re adorable-)

♡ like tsukki leaves you on delivered most of the time on snapchat bc he believes if you have something important to say, you’ll just message him normally but the rare occasion you do get a snap from him, don’t get your hopes up bc there is a 99% it’s just something like a picture of you with a drawn on crown and the caption ‘sleeping beauty 🙄’ 

♡ ‘so you think i’m a beauty 🥺’

♡ then he leaves you on read

♡ he will not carry you under any circumstances in public btw

♡ and at home, if you were to fall asleep on the couch next to him while y’all were watching a movie, there’s a 50/50 that’d he carry you to bed 

♡ but if he doesn’t take you to bed, he’ll set down a pillow for you on the couch and shift you around so you were laying in a more comfortable position, then drape a blanket over you 

♡ in regards to when he comes back from work, you’re usually already asleep in bed - but there is one time that you were not in the bedroom, and he still teases you for it until this day 

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

most of the time, you’re sound asleep in bed by the time gets home but tonight you weren’t - in fact, you were no where to be seen. he had searched everywhere, called your phone multiple time and he looked at your schedule, but it appeared as though you were supposed to home right now - so hours, he was sitting fretfully on the couch, contemplating calling the police.

however, all his distressed pacing really worked up an appetite so he poked his head into the pantry to grab a snack but his soul almost left his body when he noticed you laying on the floor, fast asleep, with the cat curled up in your arms. who he didn’t even noticed was missing lol

usually, he wouldn’t even think of waking you up but the rage and shock that shot through his body resulted in him barking out, “what the fuck?! what are you doing here?! i’ve been looking all over this damn house for you and--”

he was cut off by the cat springing out of your arms from the surprising sharpness of his voice and scurrying off, leaving you confused on the floor on the pantry, half asleep, wondering how you got here and why tsukishima was yelling at you? “hm? what’s wrong, sweetie?” you hummed, rubbing your eyes while tilting your head up to look at his tall, slender figure looming over you in the doorway.

as much as tsukishima wanted to stay mad at you, upon noticing how cute your bedhead was along with how soft your voice was, he quickly realised that there was no way he could continue yelling you. so instead, he scoffed and slowly kneeled down to sit next to you on the floor, looking at you with kind yet concerned eyes as he inquired, “why were you sleeping in the pantry?”

it took you a moment to try and remember but once you did, you blurted out, “oh, berry was having trouble sleeping.” yes your cat is called berry. don’t question it. her full name is strawberry tsukishima shortcake. “so i cuddled with her in her favourite sleeping spot and she slept like a baby. but i guess i did too.” yo chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of your neck. 

tsukishima mentally cursed you out as he was expecting a silly explanation but shit that’s cute. why does he lowkey want to join y’all next time?

hitoka yachi

♡ gsrbtrhryh she gets so flustered and nervous when you fall asleep with her

♡ and she always does tbh bc she has no idea what to do 

♡ like she thinks you look so precious and angelic so she really wants to take a picture and - if she thinks you’d be okay with it - she clicks a photo and probably sets it as her background or posts it on her private story

♡ she is just so head over heels for you tbh that everything you do just astounds her 

♡ she just stares at you like ◉_◉ for half an hour bc you are so beautiful then something inside her just prompts her to lean in and just *mwah* and at first she is quite satisfied bc she has expressed her affection 

♡ but then a few seconds later her soul just leaves her body and guilt just washes over her 

♡  ‘OMG I JUST ASSULTED MY OWN S/O’

♡ she feels horrible 

♡ this close 👌 to calling the police on herself

♡ when you wake up, prepare to be bombarded with her apologies 

♡ once you reassure that it’d fine bc it was just a lil peck on the cheek and she is your girlfriend after all, it brings her the slightest peace of mind

♡ so you peck her cheek while she is asleep to call it evens and that basically fixes it 

♡ but anyway, she is so careful around you when you sleep - like she will literally do the most just to ensure that she doesn’t interrupt your REM sleep

♡ however, that can lead to extremely sticky situations - like the first time you ever fell asleep around her 

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

You were on the 5th movie of your barbie movie marathon when she looked over and noticed you had fallen asleep half way through, so she immediately paused it so the noise wouldn’t wake you up. This was the first time she had ever seen you sleep and she felt somewhat flattered that you felt safe enough around her to be vulnerable - even though, yachi never really considered herself to be a rather daunting or intimidating person.

she couldn’t help but just sit and admire you for a few minutes before realising that she should probably transport you to somewhere more comfortable as you were currently sitting next to her on the pink beanbag in her room. and although  it was kinda comfy, the preferable alternative - her bed - was only a few feet away.

so she knew what she had to do.

she hopped to her feet and before she did anything too hasty, she stretched to ensure that she wouldn’t pull a muscle while doing what she was about to try. she inhaled deeply before crouching down - instead of bending over as she remembered what coach ukai had told her, ‘lift with your legs!’ - then snaking her arms under your torso and knees.

then, she sprung back up and immediately rushed over to the bed as even though you weren’t too heavy, she was afraid that if she held you for too long, you’d wake up. so once she reach the foot of her bed, she tossed you on so your neck was being supported by her soft pillow and yanked her duvet over you. 

she gazed lovingly down at your cozy figure laying on her bed and she couldn’t help but smile.

[rigelmejo]

Its not much but its honest work ToT

Yesterday I read:

1 chapter of hanshe (I’m extensive reading, which is artificially easier than usual since I’ve read this before so even if I ‘forgot’ words, I honestly know them somewhere in my brain so they come back easily when reading)

2 chapters of Granting You a Dreamlike Life (eirenical’s translation reminded me ToT! Honestly if it weren’t for hanshe’s author’s writing being SUPER familiar to me, I think GYADL author actually writes a bit easier to read. The difficult part is the unrecognizable words I Actually have never studied before, unlike hanshe, so I have to put in a bit more effort to figure them out)

1 chapter of Journey to the West Vernacular. Easiest version I’ve ever read of this story, it feels like a graded reader. But has a slight style to it which makes it enjoyable. Easier to read than GYADL, but again hanshe is artificially easiest since somewhere in my brain I have all the words in it stored ToT.

0.5 chapters of ‘Liu Li’. So I had a link to Liu Li, Love and Redemption’s novel. Well. That link was apparently fanfic, I read a few paragraphs and oddly sects were being called businesses...then Ling Long said she got a job... then Sifeng showed up in a western style suit with GLASSES. And I was like yep this is definitely definitely the WRONG story lol. I actually have the print version of Liu Li in my house but its in a box right now ;-;. So yeah... I’ll need to go looking for this novel again lol, somehow I’d saved a fanfic last time I bookmarked it.

Honestly yes, I still just want to extensively read Guardian. But who knows when I’ll get the bravery to try that again. I also tried reading some japanese detective novels translated into Chinese (since that was what was popular in the section of a site i was browsing through). But um... seeing hanzi that represent japanese names just fried my brain way too much and I bailed after 1 paragraph. (Truly: I saw Tokyo written in hanzi in the first sentence, and my brain pronounced it the chinese hanzi way and it just hurt my brain to think about i don’t even know why).

Yesterday and today I listened to:

Final Fantasy VII lets play in japanese, I found a new lets player I like. She cosplays sometimes for them (for IX she dressed as zidane!) I used the closed captions on youtube so I had some japanese subs. It was artificially easier since I’ve played the game in english, so I could guess what words meant what. That said - I think that makes learning from it easier. I think that means if I just relaxed and watched a lets play of a game I’ve played, I’d pick up a lot of words from context that otherwise would be too difficult to learn as quickly. I know whenever I check out Kingdom Hearts cutscenes I can figure out words easy (cause I know that game by heart lol)

Midnight Diner condensed audio (I found a lot of japanese audio lately). I could catch bits and pieces of things said, which I honestly consider a success considering how hard it was to watch IN japanese only last time I tried. I did not follow what was going on, but just catching some bits of dialogue meaning was cool!

Final Fantasy X condensed audio. This is proof that (somehow) I could learn some new words from audio-only resources in japanese, specifically if they’re media I’m already familiar with. I know the scenes and characters SO well I have figured out a few words just now listening as I work. And I can tell what scene I’m hearing fairly easily (music cues and sound effects same as in english, actors have the same ‘vibe’ even though they’re japanese VAs), which makes guessing words easier since I know the topic. And then, I find recognizing words I ALREADY know easier (since I know the scene’s context I can expect them) - which is good review for me and helps improve my listening comprehension. Also I finally really hammered in soshite - and, dakara - because, oyaji - dad/pops, sekai - world, dekimasu - can! (also its so cute Lulu uses ‘anta’ when I’ve only otherwise heard anta used by yakuza in the Yakuza games ToT). Anyway just notes for me personally: I think its really cool to see that I can pick up NEW stuff and make improvements just listening to audio. Because I would have thought that ‘too hard’ to do at my level.

Alice in Wonderland in Japanese, read-listened in DuoReader app. Well. I did 5 pages. It was hard. I read a LOT of hiragana without kanji to help me as a crutch. Japanese and English have such different sentence structure that the english text did not help with comprehending the audio much lol. So I mostly followed the japanese text with the japanese audio. I do feel I learned some stuff. It was brain frying though. Although, I suppose, Listening Reading Method often does make me feel exhausted. Its a very intensive study method. 

Can you tell I’ve been listening to a lot of japanese?? Studying japanese feels so much like I’m jumping in an ocean and going ‘LETS SEE ALRIGHTY’ and then treading water randomly to see if I’ll float or find any islands or drown. But when I use reading resources (because I did jump into trying to read Alice in Wonderland in japanese yesterday with audio), I find myself so reliant on kanji (based on my hanzi knowledge) that it really hinders my ability to pick up new hiragana words. I find this whole past year I’ve been a lot more successful doing mainly audio focus on japanese. But audio focused lessons also mean a lot more unknowns unless I’m using full on english-japanese sentence audio.

[soonhoonsol]

Welcome to soonhoonsol’s gif tutorial!

As a nice anon asked me how I make my gifs, I thought it’d be cool to create an in-depth tutorial :) Perhaps this can help some others enter the gif-ing world too!

What we’ll be using for this tutorial:

Software: Bandicam, Avisynth, Photoshop CC 2018, Topaz Labs

File Format: .mp4

Operating System: Windows

Disclaimer: This is just my method. Every gif maker works differently and has different preferences. What works for me may not work for you, and that’s completely okay!

Let’s get into it!

1. Find the best quality video you can find

This really depends on the content you want to gif. For variety shows, music videos or photoshoots, any video of [1080p] should be sufficient. Try not to use anything below 720p.

For stage performances, fancams tend to have higher resolutions [1440p, 4k]. Use these if your computer can handle it. If not, usually 1080p works fine. The best option would be to download .ts files, which provide clearer and less grainy videos.

For Seventeen, you can get .ts files from The Rosebay on Twitter :)

2. Screen recording

As a Windows user, I don’t have a built-in screen recorder on my laptop. So, I use Bandicam, which is a free screen recording software. The only con to it is that it has a watermark.

To combat the watermark, I always have the boundary box a little bigger than the video itself so that I can crop it out of the gif.

This is what the recording would look like:

Just record the scene(s) that you want to gif so your video file doesn’t end up too large! Your recording should be in .mp4 format.

(You may use pure .ts files in Avisynth but it never worked well for me so I usually screen record the .ts video and move on)

You can find your recorded videos in Documents > Bandicam.

3. Avisynth

I followed THIS tutorial to download Avisynth. This software is really helpful if you want sharp and clear gifs! I recommend to follow the steps in the tutorial as the below method stems from it.

- Once you have downloaded it, open up your recorded video from Step 2 and watch it. Take note of the duration you want to gif. (e.g. from 00:01 to 00:05)

- Drag your video file into normalwebrange.bat. On Windows, you can find this in File Explorer > Local Disk (C:) > video. For other .bat files, you may check out THIS tutorial.

- In the pop-up box, key in the start time for your gif (e.g. 00:00:01). It has to be in hh:mm:ss format. Press “enter”.

- Key in the end timing and press “enter” again. A resizer should pop up in an Internet Browser. I found that Firefox works best for me.

- In the resizer, you may indicate the size of the gif you’d like to make. You can also click and drag the video to resize and frame it to your liking. You may refer to THIS post for Tumblr dashboard sizing.

(These are some common gif sizes for stage performances):

1 gif - 540px by 540px (square)

2 gifs - 268px by 350px

3 gifs - 177/178px by 250px

- Under “Preprocessor”, select “debilinear” for the second box. For the first box, you may pick between qtgmc 30 (same frame rate as video) or qtgmc 60 (doubles the frame rate; smoother).

- You will also see “fast” or “slow” options. These are just how long the video will take to render. “Fast” will give you slightly lower quality as compared to “slow”, but usually is good enough.

(You can see that his features are sharper and more defined in the “slow” gif as compared to the “fast” one.)

- Copy the code in the white box. Navigate to the scripting window (it should have popped up with the resizer) and paste the code at line 17. Type a “#” before qtgmc on the same line. This will prevent the software from lagging.

- Click on the inverted triangle at the bottom of the screen. Your video will now appear in the scripting window. Drag the slider to the intended starting point of your gif and press the “home” key on your keyboard.

- Drag the slider again to the intended ending point of your gif and press the “end” key on your keyboard. This blue area you see is the duration of your gif.

- On an empty line (I usually go to line 8), place your cursor there and click “Apply” in the mini pop-up window. Afterwards, remove the “#” from line 17.

- Go to File > Save or press Ctrl + S to save the code. Close the scripting window. The video renderer will pop up. When it’s done, it will automatically close by itself.

4. Using Photoshop and Topaz

I’m using my school license for Photoshop 2018, but if you don’t have that, there are plenty of cracked versions for free. I don’t have any to recommend though so I’m sorry about that :(

I followed THIS video tutorial to download Topaz plug-ins for free. I use Topaz DeNoise (the most helpful) and Clean, but you may use others if you’d like :)

Alright, let’s dive in to the steps!

- Open up Photoshop and go to File > Import > Video Frames to Layers.

- A pop-up will appear. You can find your deinterlaced Avisynth video in File Explorer > Local Disk (C:) > video > temp > video.avi. Follow the settings in the picture and click “OK”.

- Go to Window > Timeline to open up the timeline. You should be able to see your gif spread out in frames. If you press the play button, it should play like a video.

- (Quick optional step I learned from THIS tutorial) Go to Image > Canvas and set the Resample option to “Bicubic (smooth gradients)”.)

- Select the first frame of your gif in the timeline. Shift select the last frame. Go to Window > Layers. Shift select these layers as well.

- With everything selected, click the 3 lines at the top right corner of the timeline. Select “Convert to Video Timeline”.

- At the top of the screen, select Filter > Convert for Smart Filters. Your layers will condense into one layer. Don’t worry, your gif is fine.

- Now it’s time to sharpen the gifs. Go to Filter > Sharpen > Smart Sharpen. Play around with the settings to your liking!

- If you’ve downloaded Topaz correctly, it should appear under Filter > Topaz Labs. If a pop-up asks you for an activation key, you may use THESE to activate it for free.

- Go to Filter > Topaz Labs > DeNoise and/or Clean and play with the settings until you’re satisfied.

5. Blurring

If your gifs have captions/logos that are distracting, you’d want to blur them out. Don’t be like 2018 me that blurred out the logo frame by frame; it’s very tiring. Instead, using this method from @scoupsy‘s tutorial, you’ll save lots of time.

- In the Layers tab (Windows > Layers), select the “New Layer” icon. It should be blank.

- Select the Brush tool. Make sure the “Hardness” setting is below 20%. This will blend the blurring nicely into the gif.

(For the sake of this tutorial, I will be blurring out the Bandicam logo to show you.)

- Paint over the captions/logos. Make sure this is on the blank layer!

- Duplicate (Right Click > Duplicate) the gif layer and drag it so that it’s on top of the blank layer.

- Right click on the duplicate layer and select “Create Clipping Mask”.

- Go to Filter > Blur > Gaussian Blur and play around with the settings until you’re satisfied with the level of blurring. Click “OK”.

6. Flattening & Colouring

- Once you’re done with sharpening and/or blurring, click on the 3 lines on at the right corner of the video timeline and go to Convert Frames > Flatten Frames Into Clips.

- Topaz layers and blurring will take some time to render so you can just chill for now~

- When it’s done rendering, click again on the 3 lines and go to Convert Frames > Make Frames From Clips.

- Convert it back to the gif timeline by clicking on the 3-box icon at the bottom left of the timeline.

- Select the first frame of your gif. It must be the FIRST.

- Scroll to the top of the layers and select the layer at the top. Any other layers you add should be on top of this layer. VERY IMPORTANT!!

- In the Adjustments Tab (Window > Adjustments), there are many different things to play with. There’s a high chance you won’t use everything, but here’s a few of my favourites.

Levels - Adjust the brightness and contrast of your gif in depth.

Hue/Saturation - Useful for changing colours, or switching it to black and white.

Color Balance - Tweak the colours to your liking.

Colour Lookup - Comes with built-in LUTs that you can use as a preset. Great starting point for colouring. Saves time too. You can even download plug-ins for this. 11/10 tool.

Selective Colour - Adjust the vibrancy of specific colours.

- Colouring is completely up to the gifmaker. Go crazy go stupid :D

7. Exporting

We’re almost to the end!

- Set the timing for your gif.

If you used qtgmc30, the best timing would be 0.04s / 0.05s / 0.06s.

If you used qtgmc60, the best timing would be 0.02s / 0.03s / 0.04s.

- Once you’re satisfied with everything, go to File > Export > Save for Web (Legacy).

- Follow the settings in the picture below:

- Tumblr’s gif limit is 10mb per gif. Check the gif size at the bottom left of the pop-up window. Make sure it’s below 10mb; the smaller the better.

- Click “Save”. Choose where you’d like to save the gif.

- Done!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And that’s it! You’ve successfully made a gif! Good job you :D

I hope this tutorial was helpful! Please leave some feedback if it helped, or if you have other methods you’d like to share :)

Lastly, if you have any questions, feel free to send in an ask or DM me!! :)

Good luck and happy gif-ing :’D

[mehrunesdaqon]

Sweetest of Dreams - OBEY ME (part 2)

Undateables x reader / Obey Me

Warnings: no Luke, suggestive themes, how would they react to reader half naked?

Brothers Version

SIMEON

You were used to having little pajama parties with Simeon and Luke at Purgatory Hall often, Luke always fell asleep quite quickly and that left you and Simeon to watch shows and gossip together for the rest of the night. This time though Luke had stayed over at Diavolo’s to practice some baking with Barbatos, thus leaving you and Simeon alone. He might be an angel but you’re most certainly not, and purposefully wore an extra tiny and tight pajama to take advantage of your time alone with Simeon. It didn’t go unnoticed by him how the fabric of your clothes hugged every part of you, the sheer silky fabric hinting at the burning red color of your underwear. He could barely pay any attention to what you were saying, his mind racing and heart hammering as he pictured what your lips would look like wrapped pretty around him.

BARBATOS

You were staying at Lord Diavolo’s castle for some time and Barbatos tended to your needs, he took care of you and of your things perfectly. It was late at night and your very human body was tired and fast asleep in your bed, Barbatos was supposed to pick up your uniform and sew a minor tear on it, he gently pushed your door open as to not wake you and beelined to where you left it neatly folded for him. With your uniform in hand he turned around to notice you had shifted in your sleep and were now half exposed for his eyes to feast on. One of the straps of your lingerie set was hanging down your shoulder, Barbatos hooked it under his finger and gently, slowly, tugged it up your shoulder again, thinking about how fun it would be to do it with you awake and squirming under him.

DIAVOLO

Diavolo loved showering you in mountains and more mountains of gifts, he gave you new things everytime he saw something and thought of you, which is all the time. This time you came home to find a pretty black box with a perfect golden bow sitting on top, containing a black and gold lingerie set complete with garters and a mask, to match the box itself. You giggled to yourself and tried it, checking your reflection in the mirror, Diavolo knew you so well. You wanted to make him excited for later and to let him know how much you liked his gift, so you quickly took a photo of your reflection on your full body lenght mirror and sent it to him him a cheeky caption. Diavolo received it in the middle of a meeting and had to keep quiet and put on a smile, pretending like he wasn’t impossibly tight on his pants at the moment. His kingly duties took up most of the time of the day and when he arrived you were soundly asleep, still in the set, he was going to make up for it once you woke.

SOLOMON

Solomon loved the fact that you were the only humans around, it gave him some type of leverage over all the demons, he knew and understood you in a way they never ever can. He’s used to coming to your room at night unannounced through the window, so none of the brothers know he’s there and bother the two of you, bother him. Your day today had been extra tiring and as soon as you undressed out of your uniform you immediately crashed into bed, blacking out, the covers just barely up your thighs, leaving you almost completely exposed. Solomon as always came through your bedroom window and raised a very amused eyebrow upon seeing your state, oh he could not let this opportunity slide, not a chance in hell. With a smirk plastered on his face he made his way to you slowly, savoring the moment (and the view) before he got close enough, he hooked his finger in the lacy strap dangling from your shoulder, pulled it back a little and let it go, with a “pop” to your skin. You woke up in a jump, sitting up looking around with wide eyes only to be met with Solomon’s hooded gaze and soft laugh. He made his way to you once again, holding your face by your cheeks with his hand, grip almost painful. Time seemed to slow down, his movements surgically calculated as he placed a long kiss to the corner of your mouth, taking in your surprise with great delight before whispering low in your ear, “What’s wrong sweetheart? Cat’s got your tongue, hm?”.

[iturbide]

So, in the Spite Project we have Dimitri recovering in the Alliance during the time-skip, Claude even argues that while it is a selfish thing to do Dimitri should be selfish because the people have asked so much of him and he needs to heal to do good. Then we have the fix-it fic, where Edelgard has to go through a painful process of change where most of her friends and allies turn their backs on her for the sake of the world. I want to take you in good faith, but this feels a bit mean spirited.

So, I'm willing to take you on good faith here and try to explain this, because I really think that the issue is this: you seem to think that treating all characters fairly means treating them all the same way, rather than specifically addressing their individual needs. And this is not the fair way to handle them.

Think of it this way: you have two people that want to watch a movie in a language neither one speaks. How do you handle that? Do you find a version dubbed over in the language they do speak, or do you preserve the original language track and turn on subtitles? They both have their pros and cons -- it can be hard to keep up with subtitles sometimes, especially when they includes notes on cultural nuances, but dubbing can lose cultural nuance if there's no equivalent in the target language (and that's not getting into how different language tracks can have strikingly different levels of quality). So which one do you choose?

Whichever one you picked, you're going to make one of the two unhappy.

On the surface, the question of how to approach it is simply a matter of preference -- but it doesn't factor in the individual needs of the people that want to watch. One has an auditory processing issue, making it hard to catch everything; they need subtitles in order to follow the dialogue at all, and without them they're not going to enjoy the movie because they're not able to keep up. The other person, meanwhile, has difficulty looking at screens for long periods of time, so having to keep up with subtitles will give them a splitting headache; they need the dub so that they can disengage periodically and still be able to hear dialogue in a language they can understand, and with subs over the original language track they're either forced to risk a migraine or lose track of what's happening because they don't understand the spoken words.

(Arguably the most fair solution is "do captions over the dub" but a lot of movies don't do captions and subs, they do subs only, which means that there are going to be places where the subs and dub don't match and that in itself is jarring but that is not the point here.)

Now, you're concerned that it's mean-spirited for Dimitri in the Spite Project to be treated one way while Edelgard in the Pre-Timeskip is treated in another way. But my concern is that you're looking at them in these situations as though they have the exact same needs, and I do not feel that's the case. They are two very different people, from two very different backgrounds, with two very different kinds of trauma and associated trauma responses, not to mention the mental health component that's much more pronounced in Dimitri than it is in Edelgard. Because of that, what they need as individuals to address their trauma, learn to cope, and finally begin to heal, is going to be very different: therapy is not one-size-fits-all, and the first step is always admitting there's a problem (which is why therapy generally doesn't work on someone who doesn't think they need it, even if they arguably do).

Let's start with Dimitri. He is a young man who lost his mother before he really had a chance to know her. He gained a stepmother in Patricia and a close friend in Edelgard during her time in Faerghus, though the latter ended in a bittersweet parting as she had to return to the Empire. Two years later, at the age of 13, he lived through the Tragedy of Duscur where his father, his close friend and personal guard Glenn, and everyone else in the party was presumed dead (he understandably believes Patricia died but we learn that's not the case much later): he suffered not only physical trauma (burns and a likely concussion leading to his loss of taste/ageusia) but mental and emotional trauma (survivor's guilt and PTSD), exacerbated by the dismissal of his first-hand account that ultimately led to Duscur's effective destruction in retribution for the Tragedy. Two years after that at age 15, Dimitri's uncle Rufus -- acting regent of the Kingdom, since Dimitri was not legally of age to ascend the throne -- ordered him to put down a rebellion in the western territories, leading to his first arguable mental break where he ruthlessly cut down the rebel faction despite the minimal threat they posed; this in turn led to Felix calling him a beast and a boar and piling further guilt and shame onto the teenage prince.

There's also a cultural context to take into account: Dimitri has spent the past four years since his father's death not only burying his unaddressed trauma associated with Duscur, but getting rapidly brought up to speed on how to lead the Kingdom of Faerghus so that he can ascend the throne as soon as he comes of age. While there were certainly those who did not approve of Lambert and his policies, a far greater number loved him dearly, and Rufus is not a well-loved regent during his short term in charge. Dimitri has effectively been groomed to put his own needs and feelings second to those of his people because of this treatment: he was not believed when he tried to defend the people of Duscur, his trauma associated with the Tragedy went unaddressed in favor of preparing him to take over leadership, and when he finally shows signs of his own distress, he's criticized for it by someone who had once been a close friend. This has led him to repress everything negative within himself, speaking rarely if at all about his personal feelings or troubles until the pressure becomes so great that he can no longer hide it.

So, to sum it up: Dimitri has suffered a combination of physical, mental, and emotional trauma, all of which he has been conditioned to repress with the message that his personal needs are secondary to the needs of the Kingdom's people. This eventually manifests in attempts to satisfy the voices of those who died at Duscur by viciously eliminating Imperial forces with the ultimate goal of taking Edelgard's head: even the desires of the dead outweigh his considerations for his own life.

Then we have Edelgard. She is a young woman who was very close with her father, something we can glean from context cues in how she speaks of and to him in the secret coronation. When political unrest began brewing in the Empire, her uncle secreted her out of the country for several years, where she made a new friend in Dimitri before her uncle brought her back home to the Empire. Once there, her happy homecoming instead became a nightmare as she and her ten siblings were confined beneath Enbarr Palace and subjected to torturous experiments at the hands of Those Who Slither, bankrolled by the nobles who had stripped her father of his power and leaving him unable to help his children as they died one by one, leaving Edelgard as the sole survivor. Driven by her hatred of the three powers that led to the situation -- the nobles who wanted an unassailable pawn of an Emperor, the Twisted who conducted the experiments and therefore had her family's blood on their hands, and the Church of Seiros run by monsters whose societal system valued Crests over human lives -- she ultimately allied herself with the enemy faction that could grant her enough power to make the changes she believed needed to be made in order to change the system, fully intending to stab them in the back once her other goals had been achieved.

There is, again, a cultural context to consider here. The Empire and the Kingdom have some of the most toxic approaches to the Crest System that we see in the game, and it has ruined countless lives in both nations. Edelgard's own life has been destroyed in this way: she lost her siblings to the Great Nobles' desire to create a Major Crestbearer that they could put on the throne, and therefore has every reason to hate the Crest System crafted by the Church of Seiros to the point of wanting it razed to the ground: without that bias, there would have been no reason for her family to undergo those experiments, meaning her siblings would still be alive. Her trauma has left her determined to destroy the existing social systems, created by non-human forces, and replace them with something crafted by human hands -- and in her mind, there is no cost that outweighs the benefit of that ultimate goal.

So in summary: Edelgard has suffered a combination of physical, mental, and emotional trauma, all of which she has used to fuel a determination to change the world by undoing the influence of Crests and the Church of Seiros that enshrines them. This ultimately manifests in her seizing power in the Empire and ordering an attack on the Church, condemning those not from the Empire or who do not immediately ally with her as enemies, and conquering her way through the Leicester Alliance and the Kingdom of Fodlan based on her belief that her way is best for Fodlan.

Are there similarities between these two? Yes: they are both victims of extreme trauma, and neither of them have had that trauma addressed in the years following the events. But so many other factors, including their coping responses, are wildly different, such that if you tried to give them the same treatment only one would benefit.

Dimitri, who has constantly repressed his own needs for the sake of others, needs to have his health and personal feelings validated rather than shunted off to the side as less important than some other matter. He needs an opportunity to get out from under the pressures placed on him since Duscur, develop some healthy coping mechanisms, learn how to self-advocate and enforce personal boundaries, so that he can unpack and deal with the trauma he suffered. Now, if you tried to take this same validation approach with Edelgard, it would only further enforce her view that she is right in her belief that dragons are inhuman monsters that need to be eradicated and that the Church of Seiros needs to be wiped out and replaced: it would entrench her yet more deeply into what's already a toxic mindset, and make her more determined than ever to see it through regardless of the cost.

On the other hand, Edelgard's first issue is that she does not recognize that there's a flaw in her mindset. She wants to reform Fodlan, but by her own admission she's willing to drag people into a conflict they had no part in because in her view those sacrifices are necessary to achieve her goal. It's part of her trauma response, no doubt -- but it's also a very toxic one that needs to be confronted. The first thing that needs to be done with Edelgard is make her recognize that there is a problem: the flaws in her logic and her beliefs need to be highlighted, and she needs to be pushed to try to understand other people rather than locking herself in an echo chamber that's constantly reinforcing her beliefs. Challenging Edelgard is the first step toward making her realize that she needs to change -- but that same approach has already been used on Dimitri: arguably that's what Felix did with his confrontational response toward Dimitri's mental break...and it led to Dimitri further repressing his trauma out of guilt and shame.

I also don't understand the claim that I'm not treating Edelgard kindly in Pre-Timeskip. Edelgard makes a personal decision that directly and negatively affects the lives of her allies, and she suffers consequences for it: that's not unkind, it's a logical follow-through based on what she personally did. And at no point is she expelled from the group, either: she is confronted with the fact that her beliefs were wrong -- that her allies are not, in fact, thrilled to have their lives put on the line for her personal ambition, especially since she never told them what she'd been planning -- and then given every opportunity to learn from the mistake she made and try to repair the relationships her choices and actions damaged; in the end, because she personally puts the necessary work in, she is able to do so. This is exactly the same approach that I've taken with Grima in Askr: the only difference is that Grima erred toward self-isolation at the beginning and needed to be coaxed into interacting with others. They are well aware that they have committed atrocities that cannot be forgiven, and they do not seek forgiveness from those they harmed: they only seek to do better here with the opportunity they've been granted. Edelgard, too, has every opportunity to change and do better -- and the key factor is that she takes it, learning from her mistake, starting to open up more and listen to the people around her rather than making assumptions based on her personal beliefs.

So ultimately, you're right: I have taken very different approaches to helping Dimitri and Edelgard in these two stories -- because they are two different characters who require two different approaches when it comes to addressing and overcoming their traumas. There is no one-size-fits-all therapy, and so there can be no one-size-fits-all story mold for them. I'm simply doing the best I can, based on their individual character traits and personalities, to give them the opportunity to heal and grow.