#and if we dont get it next week ill riot

[macbeth-s]

S01E02 | “Infected”

[carmenized-onions]

SIGH you got me good with this one I fear

Okay so the chap is still fresher in my mind this time since I read yesterday!! Itemized yap sheet incoming below based mostly on the order they happened

1) Yoooooo

That just cracked me up okay. Had to add. But also like. I love them. I love that Tony is so nervous to catch up with Richie bc it means talking abt mikey, but also relieved and excited ish to talk to richie bc it means talking abt mikey does that makes ykwim

2) AAAAAAA listen the way that Carmy thinks about Tony to calm down?? Like hes having a panic attack and he thinks about Tony and is calmed slightly by smelling her shampoo in his hair literally makes me ILL

2b) kinda related but also like not ?? But Anyway Like. Carmy like unsure whether or not he is actually scared/believes Richie when he says he could end his relationship with tony got me like on my knees in my workplace when I read that bc UGH he has absolutely zero confidence and i just want to kiss his face okay. Also him not really wanting to share tony with Richie is so real of him actually. Like he wants Tony to just be his and that's so sweet.

3) if we dont find out the chip storyline ill riot if only for Carmy's sake cause like Carm, im also now very intrigued that Richie didn't immediately blab when prompted but also go richie thats very cute

4)AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Scream break mb

5) last one but like the painting??? The way that it starts with the beef and has like pictures of before and stuff and the mid point is mikey and then it has pictures from like the building process and ends with the The Bear sign? IM DECEASED YOU KILLED ME THATS SO GOOD WHAT LITERALLY WHAT

6)okay im i liar whatever could i edit the post yes will i no. I digress. Last one fr. So the way both their lil povs end with them saying on friday they'll do right by each other??? Im so gone actually wtf

Anyways as always i adore you and your writing RAAAA

HEHEHEH GOTCHU!!! GOT YOUR ASS!!!

yoooooooo -- The next convos are really some of my favourite to write, i get to amp up the funny and math out what their texting styles would probably be, it's fun!!

Also yes, it's very much that part of grief where it's like a knife to talk about them, but it's also nice, it's weird when in the grief process, everyone around you acts like that person just simply Never Happened in fear of being triggering-- It's nice for Tony and Richie to get to talk raw!! Even if it's anxiety inducing to lead with it!!

2. Hehehhehe, he does it a LOT, When he called her before, trying and failing to get her voicemail, when he was having an episode in the diner and then Tony came back and he became Normal mostly. Grounding Tool but it's a Person

3. listen baby, I don't put a gun in the first act just to not fire it. I've had this backstory since chapter two. And honestly, I was extremely nervous that someone was gonna guess it and I was being too obvious. Thank God, no one has, yet-- But also no one's guessed, so like, feel free to throw in your guesses, love to hear em.

4. AHHHHHHHH!!!! Here let's see, during this scream break what can I give you...

This is what I'm screaming over, personally. This is Chapter 10 alone, LMAO. AND I'M NOT EVEN DONE LMAOOOO. The goal for me is to get it out this Friday, so it's like, timely and on theme. But we'll see how tired I am, this work week. Might've just gotten a commission (that I honestly don't want to take lmaoo) so we'll see. Fingers crossed. It's definitely gonna need me to take my eyes off it for a day and come back to, so keep your fingers crossed, for me.

5. OH GOOD! I was worried I described it poorly; there's always that fear, when you have to make the thing that's like the thing of the story, and if it's not good then what the FUCK WAS IT FOR!!!!!????

I'm vv happy to hear it killed you, is what I'm trying to say. I also thought the idea was very sweet. Hehhehe

6. You're always free to yap on end, never fear such a thing. Yes!! Their POVs start and end the same way, which is just like, a cute lil touch, yknow. Two anxious mfs. In the club tnnnnn, trying to do right by each other if it fuckin' KILLS them

thank you thank you thank u as always i love to hear this and i hope u enjoy Friday whenever the FUCK it comes out.

[jumbomccluney]

tagged by @westerberg 🧙‍♂️🧙‍♂️

who was your first favourite artist? queen

who are your current favourites? rn im back into my glam rock phase so ive had mott the hoople, david bowie, t rex, etc playing. last week i was in a riot grrrl phase

are you into musicals? which ones/why not? i love anything andrew lloyd webber. specifically, phantom of the opera is my faaaaaavorite musical of all time

are there songs you consider so special you only listen to them very rarely? yes, but its because they make me cry if i listen to them too much. this will be our year by the zombies is one of them

what’s your preferred way of listening to music? (time of day, medium, situation) oh i have music playing all day long, from dawn till dusk baby (or more accurately until i fall asleep), ill mostly use spotify unless i know i have the album i wanna listen to on cd

what would you say is the most niche music you listen to? forgive me for being pretentious but i do enjoy mathrock

what’s your favourite music related movie/tv show that’s not a musical? when i was younger i really liked across the universe, a few years ago i loooved bohemian rhapsody, currently though i think ill have to pick 10 things i hate about you (i watched it for the first time a few weeks ago and im absolutely obsessed)

albums or playlists? depends on my mood

favourite albums? this is a long long list so ill close my eyes and pick at random:

hunky dory - david bowie

at your birthday party - steppenwolf

electric warrior - t rex

all the young dudes - mott the hoople

queen II - queen

jar of flies - alice in chains

pressure chief - cake

for all my sisters - the cribs

grace - jeff buckley

etc etc etc

is there an artist you're trying to get into? sleater-kinney, i binged most of their discography a few weeks ago and i like their first 2 albums the best i think. also pj harvey, she gives me maaaaajor jeff buckley vibes i think ill like her

whose music do you find overhyped? ough, i dont wanna stir up drama, but ill just say rhymes with maylor mift

what’s an underrated song? mambo sun by t rex!!!!!!!! everyone go listen to mambo sun RIGHT NOW!!!!!! but also the entire album of angst in my pants by sparks

what’s a thing a bunch of songs do that you love every time? when theres a goooood loooong drawn out build up right before the chorus, iron maiden does this a lot, like it builds and builds, the drums the bass the guitar and ur anticipation and excitement builds up to and its sooooo good, we dont get enough good builds in music anymore

what song is better acoustic? got me wrong by alice in chains (go listen to it on their mtv live album)

what's the worst song of all time? jump by van halen, HEAR ME OUT i love van halen i was obsessed with van halen in highschool, but jump just FUCKING SUCKS

do you put individual songs on repeat? if so, for how long and how often? all the fucking time, yesterday i had star star by the rolling stones on repeat for like an hour, but the longest i had a song on repeat this year was richie tozier by ok otter, i think i played it for 5 days straight (got 600+ plays)

do you make your own playlists? if so, what’s your most entertaining playlist title? i think my most interesting playlist title is "nosebleed trigger remix speed edition" (one of my genre whiplash playlists) followed closely by "i almost drank hand sanitizer again cuz it was next to my water bottle" (a playlist of music thats like new wave alt rock permanent wave indie type stuff, genuinely no clue how to characterize it)

headphones or earbuds? both, headphones if im walking around, earbuds if im sitting somewhere

do you always sing the lead vocal or do you harmonize sometimes? if im just singing it, ill harmonize, but if im like screaming singing i do lead vocal (see: its no game pt 1 by david bowie)

a musical confession? i really despise the way that modern indie rock has become so commercialized, it takes away from the whole point of indie rock which is being independent

tagging @ninekings @little-rimbaud @frusci if u guys wanna do it <3

[elmmni]

jfc

alright so 2020 has been snorting crack cocaine since january we all agree on this correct?

so we all know the chaos its all kinds of wack BUT i thought id make a list, just so we can ✨observe✨ the sheer magnitude of the chaos and the way its EXPONENTIALLY gotten worse

-we started off with wwiii, this was about three days into january no one really knew what was happening, plenty of memes, great start

-the australian bush fires, yep that was this year remember those?

-prince harry and megan markle just...... left the royal family they quit asdhj ok

-covid was announced as ✨A Thing✨

-kobe bryant died rip in peace

-trump was impeached and then they couldnt actually get rid of him

-the stock market began to crash fun fun

-quarantine (:

-george floyd was killed and the black lives matter protests began

-as did some riots

-but ill be level with you if given the opportunity to burn down a target, so long as you got everyone out, wouldnt you take it?

-also people were protesting the quarantine too but no one cared about that did they mhmm 

-all countries matter on the 4th of july that was the funniest birthday present ever thank you twitter

-kanye west running for president??? i dont really remember when this happened but i know it happened

-the kim jong un death rumors????

-like this mf faked his own death to weed out the traitors in his circle what kinda sci-fi/fantasy antagonist bullshit is that im sorry wh at

-killer wasps yeah remember them who knows what theyre up to now im worried about it

-brendon urie got canceled and i still dunno how to feel about him 

-lots of famous people got arrested but idc because idk who they are

-chadwick boseman died, rip in peace

-the california fires began, yeah these were fun the sky looked pretty neat im ngl glad i live in south cali cause i had to evacuate last year and i dont really wanna do that again yah know?

-oh and those fires began because a couple of ✨cishets✨ decided to use fireworks for a gender reveal party my god

-trump got covid and fulfilled john mulaney’s prophecy of the horse being in the hospital

-tik tok was banned because some teenagers were bullying trump and yes ik that happened before he got covid im just too lazy to rearrange the list

-oh also rick astely made a tik tok a little while ago and idk how to feel about it

-ruth bader ginsburg died, rip in peace

-the presidential debate was a complete fucking disaster oh my GOD

-the fly on mike pence

-eddie van halen died, rip in peace

^my dad was really sad about that one

-why are so many good people dying jfc 2020 chill out a little bit do you fucking mind

-im 90% certain they came out with trumps tax records and he’s been committing tax fraud for the last 30 years which is a mood but bruh

and now for shit thats happened This Week

-girl in red said lesbian was her least favourite word uhhh ok bitch

-the election has been a ✨Nightmare✨

-TEXAS was a swing state and we’re all watching georgia turn blue thats how bad it is

-twitter verified and then unverified jschlatt and we’re all pretty sure its because they thought he was running for president

-nevada???? is incapable???? of counting???? like are they giving the ballots to toddlers theyre teaching to count whats going on

-a guy whos been dead for like a month was elected into congress

-destiel is canon and everyone whos ever used tumblr is dying

-putin annouces his retirement 20 minutes after destiel is made canon so thats wonderful

-unus annus ends next week and im sad about it

-and there is Going to be a supreme court ruling about this whole election thing because trump is Going to lose and he is Going to throw a hissy fit and im not here for it

oh my FUCKING god that list is even longer than i thought tf

[alkali-is-sleeping]

The Dog Star 2

[cw: some shouting, anger, could be triggering for some]

<previous chapter>

If my little brother — a Death Eater who made Walburga, our mother very proud — had not gotten himself killed at the hands of the Dark Lord, I most likely would not have inherited my family’s home. Twelve Grimmauld Place loomed below us. The House of Black had never been welcoming, but I needed to make this Hari's home; its needed to welcome him.

I revved again as we made our descent, careful to make sure that Hari was still safe as we landed.

But there was a shadowy figure at the door. I wrapped Hari with my jacket, separating his sleepy head from what may lay ahead, panicking at the thought that he may be taken from me, or worse...

I neared cautiously, I daren’t say fearfully, my life had overflown with it for too long and I needed my courage more than ever now. The closer I got, the more I became certain that this was someone I knew, but the pressing fog in my head made it impossible for me to say who until —

Fearful amber eyes turned to me, lowered on the slowish breathing lump in my jacket and glistened under the light of the street lamps and the stars — I was named after the brightest one — and the no longer full moon.

Remus teared up more and more the closer I drew. He reached his hand out, once I was near enough, as if to touch Hari, but retracted it just as quickly, thinking better if it.

I did not want to let go of the baby. He was a lifeline then, keeping my head over water, stopping me from drowning in the grief and the mess and the truth and —

Remus had always been the best at gauging my emotion, my confusion radiating to him perhaps, permeating his ever calm demeanor, telling him that my hands and this baby were, at least for now, surgically attached. He tapped his wand to the door causing it to clunk painfully through the soundless night, and pushed it for us all to get in.

He lit the fire in the drawing room, all the candles and lamps and eventually took to standing in a far corner of the room staring at sleeping Hari, occasionally wiping his eyes with his tatty jumper sleeve.

“W-why didn’t you tell me you weren’t the Secret Keeper?” I started at the sound; it was the first voice I’d heard all night aside from Hari’s cooing and babbling.

I lifted my eyes to Remus’s; red and bloodshot, just like mine probably.

“Forgive me... we didn’t think we could trust you... Voldemort had so much he could have offered you in exchange for...” I gulped. The mistake I had made, it cost my best friend and his wife their lives and I could hardly bring my self to telling Remus.

“I went to Peter’s hiding place,” I continued, “I was supposed to check if he was still ok, but he was gone. No struggle, nothing to suggest he left against his will even... it was my idea to make him Secret Keeper...” I whispered the last bit, tears rolling down my own cheeks, landing on Hari’s little blanket.

Remus hurried next to me, wrapping his arms around me and the baby, his tears mingling with mine.

“No one blames you,Sirius. Peter, well he...”

“Talentless rat,” my voice filled with anger suddenly, burning and smoking just like the Potters’ cottage... “Must have been his proudest moment, selling out his friends and their baby son...” I sobbed drily. “Lily was pregnant again... she and James told me last week, while you were recovering from the moon. They were going to tell you, once you were better and... and...” I trailed off. I didn’t want to stop talking, not when there we’re still so many truths wanting to get out, squirming and rioting in my stomach. I wanted to let them all out, to talk and talk until this was all a distant memory. But Remus’s eyes. His eyes were wide and they had stopped leaking. They were staring at me and for a second — perhaps it was my own paranoid mind, perhaps I imagined the contempt — he did blame me.

I think he was going to say something else before the fire had glowered iridescent green. We both took out our wands and and stood abruptly, Remus in front of me, me covering Hari. Ready for the worst.

A purple wizard’s hat, followed by a great mass of flowing silver-white hair which hid a benevolent old face and then the rest of the purple clad body. Dumbledore.

"I thought I might find you all here." His voice, a seemingly perpetual tone of casual amusement, irked me. My best friends were dead and he had the nerve to stand in my house and tell me, matter-of-factly, he knew he'd find me here? "I'd asked Hagrid earlier tonight to bring young Hari to me," he said, sitting, uninvited, on the nearest armchair. I was shooting daggers at him, but he seemed not to care, looking only between Remus and the baby I held. "But by the time he got there, the baby was gone, taken, the locals told him, by a man in a leather jacket and a flying motorbike... I knew, instantly of course, that his godfather must have taken him to safety."

I shifted my feet uncomfortably and redistributed Hari's weight in my arms. Why was Dumbledore here? What did he want?

I looked at Remus, who was in turn looking at Dumbledore, who was finally looking at me.

"I'm not sorry," i said, chin lifted in the airin defiance, daring him to make me apologise for having gone against his will.

"No one is asking you to be bu--"

"And I am not giving him to you."

My interuption was punished by silence, broken only by a dry cough from Remus. Dumbledore's eyes, bright moonstone, penetrating to the depths of my soul...

"Sirius, from what I gather, as Hari's guardian, you wannt what is best for him. However, you do not seem to have the full measure of things," Dumbledor was now making a dome with his hands, leaning forward on his seat. "I have good reason to believe thathis mother's sacrifice, Lily'sbloodshed for her son, has formed an unpenetrable protection on Hari. This is little understood magic, magic which is the sole reason Hari got away from Voldemort's attack with only a scar."

It was his turn to shoot me daggers; he most likely didnt mean it, but his gaze made me want to run and run. I didn't want to hear about what really happened, I'd seen enough, endured enought, I did not want anymore.

But he did not care, he kept talking, telling me everything, feeding me more and more dark, worm like truths.

"This is why i believe Hari needs to live with his aunt and uncle, blood relations of Lily's." I stared.

"WHAT?!" I bellowed, unable to control the sudden influx of anger bubbling over the surface. Hari woke at the sound, fussing and sqirming. remus made to take him from my grip, but I pushed him away, making him nearly-stumble back,eyes wide.

I rocked the baby slowly, allowing him to ease back to sleep.

Instead, I took to a menacing whisper; "You mean to send him to live with Muggles? People who dont even know him? Did you know Lily never wanted him to meet Petunia and..." I struggled for a name, "Whats-his-face? You want to send him to a place where, perhaps for most of his life, he won't know who he is or where he came from? A-and can't ypu imagine what that'd do to him? That no one will have bothered to tell him about his parents?" I panted as if I had shouted; I said all of that in one angry breath.

"I suppose I'm an easier book to read than I imagined." He was wiping his glasses with the hem of his amethyst robes and, my, did I want to throw stones at him just then, to watch him and his stupid, calm face, shatter into a million pieces, leaving only his delicate, half-moon glasses.

"I'm his godfather. I was the one James and Lily appointed as his guardian if they..." I couldn't say it. Maybe tomorrow could wake up, take some Fire Whiskey down to drink with James as we laugh loudly, like we did in schoool, before the war, laugh about the pathetic dream I'm having...

"Isn't... isn't there some magic in that?" I pleaded, finally defeated perhaps. Dumbledore paced the room twice round, Remus' eyes on him the whole time while i closed mine and imagined James grin, full of laughter and love and... life.

"Perhaps... But more than anything, I think I am to trust the Potters' judgement and their own trust in you, for now. I will decide if this is really a good choice after I have gathered enough information. Until then, you are not to leave this house under any circumstances. Not until I have good reason to believe he will be magically protected from teh Death Eaters out to avenge their fallen Master. And, I am also to understand, given that you are both here, that Peter Pettigrew was the spy the Order had so many whispers about, correct? You are not to search for him either, as I am sure you might be tempted to."

Remus and I just nodded deftly. I could not have cared less about this sentence at Grimmauld Place, though the fleeting urge to go after Peter, to throttle him and rip him limb from limb, did possess me for seconds. But Hari was just so much more important to me, and every second with him was precious, like little glittering pearls gathering in my hands.

"That concludes my bussiness here, and my welcome has been long over stayed, so I shall leave you to it." He Dissaparated.

The next moments all blurred into one,and i cannot say how, by sunrise; the pale greenish orange promisisng a cold, summer's morning, we found ourselves laying in the guest bed, Hari between us, still fast asleep. The both of us staring into space, our pillows damp and salty.

Despite the growing sunlight, Sleep's teder fingers caught up to me...

[A/N: gods this one was long, im sorry it took so long to post, ill try to be faster with chapter 3 (which mind you is longer still than this). i hope dumbledore moral ambiguity shows, dont worry if it doesnt, it really will further on. hope you enjoy and thanx for reading!!]

[sweatersarecomfyy]

I Can’t Sleep - A Newtina Fanfic

Summary: Newt and Tina can only get a good night’s rest when they are in each-others’s presence

Warnings: Lot’s of cute fluff. Crimes of Grindelwald spoilers.

Word count: 1,500

A/N: First Newtina fanfic. I had a lot of fun writing it. Let me know your thoughts if you wish.

Unbeknownst to the both of them, Tina and Newt were wide awake, neither had a peaceful rest in days. Newt’s thoughts turned to the two-missing people from his life. Leta, although no longer a love interest, was still beloved even in death. His brother was beside himself and he didn’t know how to help. He also worried for Queenie, and Tina. He knew how important they were to each-other. And they were both his friends. Friends were rare for him, and now all of them were in danger. Tina felt guilt and desperation whenever she though of Queenie. All these thoughts coupled with the fact that Grindelwald was now at large deterred them from a healthy sleeping schedule.

Romance was at the back of their minds now, but it was still there, and it occasionally crept into their thoughts amid all the strife and horror, it was a small beacon on happiness and hope they could live for. But as of yet, it was a very small beacon, a beacon that had yet to be discussed.

“How did you sleep?” Tina asked Newt from her place at the counter, stirring her cocoa.

“Alright, I guess.” He replied, rubbing the bags under his eyes. “You?”

“Same as you I guess.” She took a sip of her cocoa. “You ready for work?”

He nodded.

Tina had temporarily come to England to help with the search for Grindelwald, and Newt had graciously offered her a place to stay. They had separate rooms of course. Much to Newt’s delight Tina had accustomed to the numerous animals quite quickly, and Newt didn’t completely hate working for the ministry. Humans, however, were still Newt’s least favorite creature.

Everyday was the same: They went to work, they looked for signs of Grindelwald, they fought off his fanatics in the rare occasion that a riot broke out, they came home exhausted, couldn’t sleep. Wash, rinse, repeat. This day was a particularly exhausting one. Not one, but three riots broke out, which caused them to come home later than usual. Neither one of them had eaten all day.

Tina was the first one to slump onto the couch, upsetting a puffskein that was trying to burrow. She tilted her head back and closed her eyes. “Do we have any food?”

Newt sat next to her and did the same. “I dunno. Merlin I’m exhausted.”

“It’s so nice to finally sit down.” Tina relished the feeling of relaxing all her muscles into the couch, and kicked off her shoes.

It would have been a funny sight to see. The two generally so composed were now splayed out on the slightly beaten up couch.

Newt waved his wand and summoned a couple of pasties from the kitchen. He bit into his and handed the other to Tina. “Here.” He muttered.

“Food.” She ravenously took a bite. Neither of them talked for a bit while the wolfed down the meat-filled crusts. Suddenly Tina started laughing.

It was a glorious sound. Newt turned towards her surprised, a questioning look on his face.

“Three. Three riots. One day.” She kept laughing. Partially due to the fact that her exhausted brain wasn’t processing her emotions correctly.

Not sure what to do Newt started laughing too until they were hopelessly out of breath and crying. Even though the situation wasn’t really that funny they enjoyed the opportunity to actually laugh. It seemed it had been happening less and less lately.

When the laughter died down Tina closed her eyes and her breathing steadily became slower and longer. Her muscles relaxed, and she slumped onto Newt’s shoulder, fast asleep. Not wanting to wake Tina, he summoned a blanket to cover her and stayed where he was, quickly following her into slumber.

The next morning they awoke at the same moment and smiled hazily at each-other before realizing what had happened and simultaneously blushing.

Newt jumped up dizzily “I’ll start, start breakfast.” He dashed to the kitchen.

“I’ll wash up.” She achily got up and set off to shower and change.

They were especially polite to each-other that day, and turned slightly pink and smiled whenever they caught a glance of the other. No one noticed. They had a lot more energy than they had had in a long time.

A couple nights later they were again laying awake, unable to sleep. Tina had tried everything at this point but it seemed like every time she was alone with her thoughts her mind started racing.

There was a knock on her door and Newt poked his head in. “I can’t sleep.” His copper hair was sticking up at an odd angle and his eyes were pointed determinately away from Tina.

She sat up and looked at him and didn’t speak for a moment, not quite daring to suggest the idea that had come to her mind. “You know what Qu- my mom would do when we couldn’t sleep?”

“Chamomile tea?” He guessed, a smile flickering on his face.

“No” She took a breath “we’d get in bed with her and cuddle.”

Newt glanced up at her with a slightly nervous look.

“It’s ok” She patted the bed next to her and shifted over “If you get uncomfortable or don’t want to anymore, you can leave.”

He hovered near the door, but then decidedly walked over and sat on the bed. “You know” He paused. “The night on the couch, the night where we slept on the couch was the best sleep I’ve had in weeks.”

Tina lay back under the covers “Same for me.” She sighed.

He glanced back at her almost surprised, maybe not realizing she was having trouble sleeping too. He lay back on top of the covers making sure he gave Tina enough room.

She gently found his hand on the covers and held it. He squeezed it back just to let her know that it was alright to hold it. And that was it. They fell into the best sleep they had since the couch, arguably even better. They woke up close to each-other with their heads resting on the same pillow, shoulders touching, hands still held, completely calm.

The next night it was Tina who payed a visit to Newt’s room she caught him as he was buttoning up his pajamas.

“I was just about- just about to go to your room.” He stuttered out.

“We’ll take turns.” She smiled at him as they folded back the covers and both got under, enjoying each-other’s warmth. She rolled over and faced him, a blush creeping onto both of their faces.

Tina let out a giggle and then clapped a hand over her mouth. Newt let out a nervous laugh and reached out for her other hand and they intertwined their fingers. Newt’s face grew even more red, he but felt braver. He slid his hand around Tina’s waist and shifted closer together. She touched her forehead to his and they both closed their eyes and fell into a peaceful sleep once again. Of course the next morning they ended up a tangled mess.

Accepting the fact that the only way they could get a full nights sleep was to sleep next to one-another, they continued switching off rooms. They became better friends, and they grew continually more comfortable with each-other.

 “Hey Newt?” Tina whispered, wondering if he was asleep. They were in Tina’s room a couple weeks later.

“Mhh.” He hummed in response, his eyelids flickering.

“Did you know that your name sounds like two animals?” she asked.

His eyes flicked open and he gave her a questioning smile.

She laughed “Newt Salamander.”

He laughed too. “People used to call me that to make fun of me at Hogwarts.”

Her face tinted with red, embarrassed. “I’m sorry.” She covered her face in the blanket.

“It’s alright. I quite liked it. People didn’t realize it wasn’t that big of an insult for me.” He pulled the cover off from her face. “I like salamanders. You know that.”

The corner of her mouth turned up in a half smile and Newt found himself staring at her lips. She noticed and sat there for a minute. Her eyes running up and down his face, taking in every inch, ever freckle, every scar.

“Newt, you’re staring at my mouth.”

“Sorry.” But he still didn’t break his stare.

-“Do you want to kiss me?”

-“Can I kiss you?” They both said simultaneously.

“What?” They spoke at the same time again and then stared wide-eyed at each-other.

After a moment Tina spoke “Yes.” She closed part of the distance between the two of them.

Newt shuffled closer and pressed his lips against hers. Tina’s hands brushed through his red hair, and Newt placed a hand gently on her cheek. They weren’t sure how long it lasted, and neither of them really knew what they were doing, but it was simple and sweet, and they both enjoyed it. When they broke apart they both smiled and snuggled closer, and again fell into a sound sleep.

[nako-doodles]

kpop member profile

I was tagged by my love @nervousatthenightclub 🌸🌸

Stage name (nickname, preferred name): 

the dumbass? tbh all of my fave nicknames are too specific, too egotistical, or too hard to pronounce on non-native tongues to even try 

iris. mostly bc the goddess iris travels and sends messages on rainbows, and is the companion to females who ascend to heaven. my obaachan also used to plant irises that looked like butterflies in her old garden as a purifying boundary against evil spirits. 

Debut Date (when did you first get into kpop): 

sometime in 2008/2009? I dont actually remember the date other than stumbling upon dbsk’s love in the ice, and then listening to mirotic......and by the time dbsk did the two openings of one piece, I was Hooked(tm)

pro tip: if you sell your soul to the devil sm, they might let you move on to smaller companies after about a decade. earlier if you’re good at weaseling yourself out of responsibilities.

Group concept (favourite concept, concept that suits you the most): 

my fave concepts are bangtan’s whole HYYH era, akmu’s how people move, oh my girl’s concept for closer, and mamamoo’s wind flower...and my fave aesthetic was vixx’s fantasy and shangrila, and lee hi’s hold your hand and breathe

however, 12-year-old shirley would have been o v e r t h e m o o n if she got a concept like orange caramel’s catellena or copycat

Debut song/album/mv concept: 

as much as this pains me to say this, 12-year-old shirley would have rocked the cutesy girl next door concepts of the late 00s early 10s. think: snsd into the new world, secret shy boy, wonder girls like this, f(x) chu~ etc etc...I mean I still regularly get mistaken as a 16-year-old, and I didn’t have a decade of memeing and chaos written on my face.

Position (vocal, rap, dance?): 

vocalist, sub dancer? 

as to why I refuse to be the rapper, I once made my friend fall out of her lab chair laughing. while she was holding the stack of e. coli cultures we spent 2 weeks on. because I was rapping to nicki minaj’s super bass (our ap bio teacher had the bright idea of playing pandora during our labs). the casualty wasn't terrible (I mean we didn't have to fumigate the lab bc it was only e. coli)...but that day lives on in infamy....

Role in group (maknae, mum/dad of the group,…): 

to the surprise of no one: the chaotic one  

Older or younger line: 

younger. and if my soon-to-be baby nephew even THINKS about stealing my position as the youngest in the family im going to RIOT!1!!11!

Leader or nah? (Need help deciding? See below)

Make the decision for everyone

Listen to everyone and them decide based on what the majority wants

Let someone else decide

If you picked one of the first two options, congrats, you are probably the leader. 

listen....despite choosing 2, i wouldn't trust my 12-year-old self to tell left from right....much less with decisions that affect the group as a whole.....how the fuck did namjoon do it

Foreign line? (are you an ethnic minority in the country you live in?): 

nah, lots of east asians here in east asia. however, back home, asians are only 6ish%? so I guess ill just be that one grey area person as usual. not local enough to be local, not foreign enough to be foreign. 

Special talents: 

being an annoying little shit. sassing people. being an annoying sassy little shit. 

can braid complicated hairstyles. good at unknotting jewelry, yarn, and embroidery floss. can maybe speak a language on a good day. selectively flexible if the weather allows. remixes music depending on what a singular sound triggers the ear and then hums that remix for the rest of the week. a cute acute gravity checker. occasionally punny. 

tldr; I only function when the cosmos ordains it so

How many members do you want in your group: 

not to be biased but 5-7 members seems like a good number

Tag that amount of people: @cafejoon @jinkookswife @producerjin @jinseas @jingraphic @yunkisunbae @jincentvangogh 💕💖🌸💫✨

[thelastspeecher]

Been talking a lot about Emmett lately, and I was inspired today to write something starring everyone’s favorite twelve-toed nervous boy.  So, here’s Emmett in the Superhero/villain AU, accidentally using his powers to control his dad.

              “Emmett.”  Emmett looked up from his comic book.  His dad stood in front of him, visibly furious.  He swallowed nervously and set the comic book down.

              “Hi, Dad.”

              “Wanna tell me why you weren’t at boxing?” Stan demanded.

              “I was,” Emmett lied.

              “Then how come when I stopped by to surprise you and your sister, you weren’t there?”

              “I left early.”

              “I showed up early,” Stan said, crossing his arms.  Emmett looked away.  “You gotta stop skipping, kid.”

              “I don’t like it,” Emmett mumbled.  Stan let out a sigh and sat next to Emmett on the couch.

              “I know.  And that’s fine.  Your Uncle Ford didn’t like it, either.  Neither did I, when I started.”

              “Wait, really?” Emmett asked.  Stan nodded.

              “I hated it.  But my dad kept making me go.  It was the only good thing he ever did for me.  I had to learn how to protect myself and Ford.”

              “I don’t want to go.”

              “You need to learn some self-defense skills.”

              “You never made Danny or Daisy learn how to protect themselves.”

              “They didn’t get picked on as much as you and Emily.”

              “I don’t get picked on.”

              “You came home from school with a black eye last week.”  Stan sighed. “Your ma and I made complaints and everything, but schools don’t like stopping bullies.  That’s why you need to learn how to do it yourself.”

              “I already do ballet-” Emmett started.

              “And that’s good.  I’m proud of you,” Stan said.  “Ballet is tough.”  He put a hand on Emmett’s shoulder.  “But it’s not gonna do squat to protect you.  What are you gonna do if someone comes after you or Emily?  A fancy jump?  Some sorta twirl?”

              “Dad, I’m not gonna go anymore,” Emmett said firmly.  Stan scowled at him.  “I mean it. I don’t care how much you look at me with that face.”

              “And I don’t care that you don’t want to.  It’s for your own good.”

              “Dad-”

              “When you were five, and you hated broccoli, do you think I let you not eat it, just ‘cause you didn’t like it?  No. I made sure you cleaned your plate. This is the same thing,” Stan said. Emmett jumped to his feet.

              “You can’t make me go!” Emmett yelled.  Stan slowly stood.

              “Don’t take that tone with me.”

              “Even if you keep signin’ me up, I’ll keep skippin’.  Even if ya drop me off, I’ll leave.  I don’t want to do it anymore!  It’s- you might think it’s good to force me to do something I don’t like, but it’s not!  I hate it!”

              “Emmett-”

              “Do you really wanna do something Grandpa did?” Emmett asked.  Stan’s face went red.

              “That’s it!” Stan rumbled.  Emmett froze. “Go to your room.  Now.”

              “But-”

              “Now,” Stan growled.  “I’ll figure out your punishment for talking to me like that later.”  Emmett stormed off.  He passed Emily on the stairs.  She didn’t bother to pretend she hadn’t been eavesdropping.

              “Emmett, that was bad,” she whispered.

              “I know.  He needs to stop makin’ me go to those stupid lessons.”

              “No, not-”  Emily grimaced.  “You know how much Dad hates Grandpa.  Why’d you compare Dad to him?”

              “Yeah, well, he should stop doin’ stuff that Grandpa did,” Emmett muttered.

              “I can hear you,” Stan said loudly.  “Emmett, go to your room.  Emily, go…weed the garden or somethin’.  Do some chores.”

              “Okay, Dad.”  Emily glanced at Emmett warningly before heading downstairs.  Emmett stuffed his hands in his pockets and finished going to his room. He slammed the door shut.

              “Don’t slam doors!” Stan shouted from downstairs.

              “Ugh!”  Emmett threw himself onto his bed, burying his face into his pillows.

              I hate this.  I hate it.  I just wish Dad would throw himself off the tallest building he could find.

              A door downstairs opened and closed.

----- 

              “Emmett Stanley McGucket!”  Emmett jerked instinctively at the sound of his full name being shouted from downstairs. The movement left a large streak across the math sheet he had been working on.

              “Great,” he muttered.  “Ma’s home.”

              Dad definitely told her what happened.  Now I get to hear the second part of the riot act.

              “Emmett!  Get down here!  Now!” Angie yelled.  Emmett reluctantly shuffled out of his room and down to the first floor.

              “Ford, hold him down,” a voice said.  Emmett paused at the foot of the stairs.

              Uncle Lute?

              “I am holding him down,” a second voice snapped.  “At least we finally got the dampeners on him.”

              Uncle Ford, too?  There was a crash from the kitchen.  What’s goin’ on?

              “Where is that boy?” Lute’s voice asked.

              “I don’t-”  Angie stormed out of the kitchen.  She was still in her villainy duds, but had removed her cowl.  She spotted Emmett by the stairs.  “Emmett.  Come here.” Emmett felt a gust of wind push him towards the kitchen.

              “You’re not gonna let me go on my own?” Emmett asked.  Angie scowled.

              “I’m not takin’ any chances.”

              “Ma, I know that I skipped, and you’re angry,” Emmett started, following her into the kitchen.  “But-” He froze.  Lute and Ford were struggling to hold Stan down on the ground. His uncles had clearly been fighting to restrain Stan for quite some time; both their clothes were singed, and Ford had a bruise beginning to form on his cheek.  “Wha- what happened?”

              “You tell me,” Angie snapped.  “What command did you give yer father this time?”

              “Command?  I-” Emmett’s blood ran cold.  He stepped a bit closer to look at his father’s eyes.  His pupils were dilated, the sure sign that he had been commanded by Emmett.  Emmett swallowed.  “I- I didn’t mean-”

              “I saw him runnin’ ‘round town,” Lute said.  “He seemed a bit off, so I got a closer look and saw his eyes.  Knew right then it was yer handiwork, Emmett.”  Emmett covered his mouth.  “What?”

              “I wanted him to jump off the tallest building he could find,” Emmett whispered.  “I was just- I was angry at him, I-”

              “Yes, yes, this is important information,” Ford interjected.  He narrowly avoided another punch from Stan. “But I think it can wait until after you free Stan from your command.”

              “I don’t know how.”

              “That’s not an option right now,” Angie said firmly.  Emmett looked at his mom.  “Fix it.”

----- 

              It took fifteen minutes for Emmett to reverse the command, upon which he was promptly sent to the living room, so that the adults could discuss what they were going to do.  Ten minutes after that, Emmett got called to the kitchen again.  He joined his parents at the table, not making eye contact with either of them.

              “Uncle Ford and Uncle Lute are gone?” he asked quietly.

              “Yes,” Angie said.  She clasped her hands.  “Emmett…”

              “I didn’t mean to!” Emmett wailed.

              “Hey, hey,” Stan said, reaching a hand out to Emmett.  “It’s okay, kiddo.”

              “No, it’s not.  I- I was mad and I- I wanted you to jump off a building and-”

              “Why weren’t you wearing the power dampeners?” Stan asked.

              “I couldn’t find ‘em.”

              “Yeah, you’re pretty good at losing them.”

              “I’m so sorry, Dad!  I didn’t want you to get hurt!  I just have mean thoughts sometimes.”

              “Everybody does,” Angie said softly.  She let out a sigh.  “But yer thoughts are awful powerful, honey.”

              “I didn’t mean to!” Emmett repeated.

              “It’s okay, sport.”  Stan grinned, but it was clearly forced.  “It’s kinda my fault, anyways.  You got my silver tongue.”  Emmett looked away.

              “Now’s not the time, Stanley,” Angie said quietly.  Stan sighed.

              “Right.”

              “Emmett, yer goin’ to be punished,” Angie said.  Emmett nodded.  “But we’re goin’ to take the fact that it was an accident into consideration.”

              “It’d be better if I didn’t have any powers at all,” Emmett mumbled.

              “Don’t say that,” Stan said.  “Yeah, yours are a bit tough.  But we’ll figure it out.”

              “If you say so.”

              “And in the meantime…”  Stan looked at Angie.  She nodded. “We’re gonna make you switch schools.” Emmett gaped at Stan.

              “What?”

              “The school yer at right now isn’t equipped to handle someone with yer abilities,” Angie said.  “That wouldn’t be a problem, except that ya keep losin’ the dampeners.”

              “I don’t-”

              “I know ya don’t mean to.  But after today, we have to start makin’ decisions ‘bout what’s best fer you and everyone around you.  So we’ll be sendin’ ya to Sycamore Grove.”

              “Wh- the high school for villains?” Emmett squeaked.  Angie and Stan nodded.

              “I’m not happy about it,” Stan said quietly.  “But it’s what needs to happen.  The teachers there are used to students with powers like yours.”

              “It’ll be fine, sweetie,” Angie said gently.  Emmett hung his head.

              “If you say so.”

              “I do have some good news for you,” Stan said.

              “What?”

              “We’re gonna pull you out of boxing lessons.”  Emmett’s head whipped up.  He stared.  “I still think it’s good for you.  But you’re already dealing with stuff, and being forced to do somethin’ you hate isn’t gonna help.”  Stan rubbed the back of his neck.  “I know that from experience.”  Emmett nodded.  “Go to your room while we talk about your punishment.”  Stan looked around the kitchen.  There were a few scorch marks on the walls and floor, and a chair had broken. “And while we clean up.  Man, I made a mess.”

              “Pretty sure it’s technically my mess,” Emmett said.  Stan rolled his eyes.

              “C’mon, kid.  How many times do I have to tell you – if you can get outta being blamed for something, take it!  Even if it’s technically your fault.”  Emmett quirked a small grin.  “Now, go to your room.  We’ll come get you in a bit.”

[jenroseyokel]

Awesome of the Year 2018: The Books

Happy New Year! ‘Tis the season for year end lists left and right as we attempt to figure out the best of everything from 2018. And of course, as a fan of books, music, and movies, it’s only right to get in on the list-making. Over the next week or so, I’ll be sharing my 2018 favorite lists. First up: books! This year, I set my Goodreads reading challenge at 40 books, and actually passed it. I’ve been setting arbitrary book goals for years, but I’m pretty sure this is the first time I’ve succeeded since 2007. Probably because of all the graphic novels and comic trades I read this year WHICH TOTALLY COUNT BTW. Ahem. Anyway. This isn’t really a best of 2018 list so much as a Here’s a Bunch of Books I Really Liked in 2018 list, split up into categories. I hope you’ll find something interesting here, especially if you’re looking for ways to spend bookstore or Amazon gift cards you got for Christmas… ;)

Newish Books by Rad Christian Women:

Every Arbitrary Book Goal should have a small correlated goal attached. This year mine was to make sure I read at least 50% women authors… and there have been a lot of GREAT new books from women writers in the past few years. If the “Christian women” section of your local bookstore makes you cringe a little inside too, check out these three wonderful books, all released in the past couple years:

Courage, Dear Heart by Rebecca K. Reynolds (NavPress, 2018)

Anyone who has read Rebecca’s writing knows she needed to write a book. She has a sharp mind, a poet's soul, a scientist's eye, and the most beautiful, tender heart. Also, she's an incredible writer who loves her readers with a love that radiates off every page. Buy a copy for everyone you know.

Wearing God by Lauren F. Winner (HarperOne, 2017) Girl Meets God was a formative book in my early 20s, and I’ve always meant to read more from this author, but somehow haven't. I finally picked up this one and oh man, for a solid month afterward I couldn’t stop thinking about it. With the eye of a scholar and the heart of a poet, Winner draws on personal stories, deep Biblical study, and a love of language to explore lesser known metaphors for God. Liturgy of the Ordinary by Tish Harrison Warren (InterVarsity Press, 2016)

Several years ago, James K.A. Smith’s Desiring the Kingdom helped me see liturgy in a new way, as not just religious practice, but the embedded routines that shape us. In this book, Tish Warren brings that idea to life as she walks through an ordinary day explores the holiness in our most mundane moments of living. You may not look at brushing your teeth or losing your keys the same way again.

Good Stories

This year, fiction reading was… all over the place? I don’t know if I read much that was OMG amazing, but here are a few that were fun…

The Fairyland Series 2-5 by Catherynne M. Valente (Feiwel & Friends, 2012-2015)

I am notoriously awful at finishing book series. I read the first Fairyland book maybe… two years ago? Yikes. Just finished the last one and wow, so fun. Colorful characters, a whimsical narrator, crazy locations, and a whole lot of heart make this Victorian fairytale meets contemporary fantasy a delight to read. 

Til We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis (Harcourt, 1956)

Lewis’ contemporary retelling of the Cupid and Pschye myth through the eyes of Psyche’s jealous sister Orual. Second read for me, and even better this time around. Pretty sure this is Lewis’ storytelling at his best.

Strange Practice by Vivian Shaw (Orbit, 2017)

This was a year to embrace fun, nerdy reads. So there was the Star Trek spoof Redshirts (with a plot twist I totally saw coming... and I am not good at guessing plot twists) and my first trip into the Star Wars extended book universe (or whatever the heck they call it these days) and… this. A story about a doctor for the undead in London, trying to solve the mysteries surrounding a murderous cult and keep her monster friends safe. Not the greatest, but a fun Halloween read. I’ll get to the sequel eventually. (See also: bad at finishing book series.)

Poetry for Everyone 

Another new reading practice this year: always keeping a poetry book on the bedside table. Poetry books are best for leisurely dipping in and out rather than reading cover to cover. If you think poetry is only for the ivory towers, give these writers a try and think again.

A Child's Year by Christopher Yokel (Independent, 2018)

Okay, I’m biased here, but hey! Chris quietly released a new poetry book into the world this fall, and I’m a big fan of Chris AND his poems. A Child’s Year is a season cycle, sort of like his last book A Year in Weetamoo Woods, but this time it’s anchored by a four part poem recalling the journey of seasons through childhood eyes. And according to our friend Kirsten’s 7-year-old son, he gets the experience right. ;) 

The Jubilee by John Blase (Bright Coppers Press, 2017) For his 50th birthday, John Blase released his first poetry book, with a poem for every year of life. It’s rare for me to make it through an entire collection start to finish but these were just so good. There are poems about aging — the author’s and his parents’ — and poems that evoke wide spaces and natural wonder. There are psalms and parables, and meditations on dying and, yes, living. All of them finely tuned with wisdom, gentle grace, and a touch of humor in all the right places. How I Discovered Poetry by Marilyn Nelson (Dial Books, 2014)

When I heard Marilyn Nelson read her poem “Thirteen-Year-Old American Negro Girl” on the On Being podcast, I was captivated. And when I found this lovely hardcover in a used bookstore back home in Florida, I knew I needed to read more. This is a memoir in poetry about growing up in a black military family during the American Civil Rights era, told with gentle lyricism, warmth, and humor. Plus, the book itself is lovely with whimsical illustrations and family photos.

Comics!

I’m always on a quest to get more comics in my life. Plus knocking out a whole series in a couple weeks is a solid way to pad out your Arbitrary Book Goal.

Amulet 1-7 by Kazu Kibuishi (Graphix, 2008-2016)

After their father’s tragic death, Emily and Navin move with their mom to a strange old house that belonged to their great-grandfather… and so the adventure begins. In this fantasy series, the two kids find themselves in an underground world of demons, robots, talking animals, and a dangerous and powerful Amulet. A captivating and beautifully illustrated fantasy tale. Ms. Marvel 1-5 by G. Willow Wilson (Marvel, 2014-2016)

Y’all, I super want to be a Marvel nerd. But alas, I can't keep up, so I get my sister to loan books to me. Ms. Marvel is my new fave. A Pakistani-American girl from Jersey City has the power to grow, shrink, and stretch her body at will. So she’s trying to fight crime, keep up at school, and well, stay out of trouble with her parents. So fun. (Dear Disney: I really want this kid to show up in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. before it gets canceled kthxbye.)

The Legend of Wonder Woman by Ranae De Liz and Ray Dillon (DC Comics, 2016)

Weren’t we all mildly obsessed with Wonder Woman after the 2017 film? Another one I borrowed from my sister. A solid take on Diana’s origin story that’s accessible for comic n00bs (ahem, like me) who can’t figure out where to begin with beautiful art and a lot of heart.

The Classic I Finally Read 

Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen I always try to tackle either a thick intimidating novel or an unread classic in the wintertime. This year, I worked on my Austen deficiency and discovered I relate a little too much to Elinor Dashwood.

What’s Next?

In the new year, I think my goal is less about numbers and more about reading widely. I liked the 50% women authors goal because it helped me actively choose to support women writers. This year, hoping to read more books by authors of color, explore some new ideas and genres, and hopefully do a better job reading deeply and taking notes. I’ve got my eye on Book Riot’s Read Harder Challenge too, perhaps as a way to dig into new things I wouldn’t normally notice. And yeah... perhaps a monthly reading life update is a thing I can do here on the blog. :)

If you’re curious to see the full list of What I Read This Year and follow along with me in 2019, feel free to follow me on Goodreads!

What were some of your favorite reads in 2018? And what are your goals for the new year? I’d love to hear all about it in the comments!

[patriotsnet]

Who Were The Republicans Who Voted For Impeachment

New Post has been published on https://www.patriotsnet.com/who-were-the-republicans-who-voted-for-impeachment/

Who Were The Republicans Who Voted For Impeachment

Fred Upton Of Michigan

10 house Republicans voted to impeach Trump

A fixture in his southwest Michigan district, Mr. Upton is in his 18th congressional term, though in recent years, his margin of victory has shrunk with each election. Now, if he seeks re-election in 2022, he will face off against a primary challenger endorsed by Mr. Trump: Steve Carra, a first-term state representative who has led the push at the State Capitol for a review of the 2020 election results.

A spokesman said Mr. Upton would follow his practice of announcing his decision in the year of the election.

For years, Mr. Upton, a longtime friend of President Bidens, has prided himself on his willingness to work across the aisle. Mr. Upton announced that he would vote for impeachment after Mr. Trump described his language at the Jan. 6 rally outside the Capitol as totally appropriate.

Here Are The House Republicans Who Voted To Impeach Trump

Ten GOP;House members joined Democrats in voting to impeach President Trump

It marks the first time in the countrys history that a president has been impeached twice in one term.

Its also the most bipartisan impeachment vote in the nations history.

Hugh Thompson RiceSC state Rep. Russell Fry launches primary bid against Rice over impeachment votePro-impeachment Republicans outpace GOP rivals in second-quarter fundraisingCheney, Kinzinger are sole GOP votes for Jan. 6 select committeeMORE was the most conservative of the members who supported the effort.

He said a reasonable person would see Trumps remarks to a crowd before the mob attacked the Capitol as having the potential to lead to violence.

Under the strict definition of the law, I dont know if the presidents speech last Wednesday morning amounted to incitement of a riot, but any reasonable person could see the potential for violence, he said.

Rice also took aim at the president for going after Vice President Pence.;

I have backed this President through thick and thin for four years. I campaigned for him and voted for him twice. But, this utter failure is inexcusable, he said in a statement.;

The ten Republicans in the House who voted for Trumps impeachment were;House Republican Conference Chair Liz Cheney

Letters To The Editor Aug 20 2021

Ten House Republicans crossed party lines on Wednesday and voted to impeach President Trump which is 10 more than the amount to go against him the first time around.

The GOP lawmakers aligned with Democrats to formally charge the outgoing commander-in-chief with inciting violence against the government of the United States in last weeks;storming of the Capitol;by supporters he had;addressed during a rally;near the White House.

No Republicans voted;in 2019 to impeach Trump the first time.

Here are the 10 GOP members who voted to impeach on Wednesday:

Also Check: Top Republicans In Congress

Gop Leader Mccarthy: Trump ‘bears Responsibility’ For Violence Won’t Vote To Impeach

Some ambitious Republican senators have never been as on board the Trump train as the more feverish GOP members in the House, and the former might be open to convicting Trump. But their ambition cuts two ways on the one hand, voting to ban Trump opens a lane to carry the Republican mantle in 2024 and be the party’s new standard-bearer, but, on the other, it has the potential to alienate many of the 74 million who voted for Trump, and whose votes they need.

It’s a long shot that Trump would ultimately be convicted, because 17 Republicans would need to join Democrats to get the two-thirds majority needed for a conviction. But it’s growing clearer that a majority of the Senate will vote to convict him, reflecting the number of Americans who are in favor of impeachment, disapproved of the job Trump has done and voted for his opponent in the 2020 presidential election.

Correction Jan. 14, 2021

A previous version of this story incorrectly said Rep. Peter Meijer is a West Point graduate. Meijer attended West Point, but he is a graduate of Columbia University.

Here Are All Of The House Republicans Who Voted To Impeach Donald Trump

Ten members of the GOP joined with Democrats in the vote.

President Donald Trump impeached for ‘incitement of insurrection’

The House of Representatives has voted to impeach President Donald Trump — making him the only president in American history to be impeached twice.

Unlike his first impeachment in 2019, 10 Republicans joined Democrats to charge Trump for the “incitement of insurrection” for his role in the Jan. 6 attack on the U.S. Capitol with a final vote of 232-197.

Some Republicans may have feared for their own safety if they voted for impeachment, Rep. Adam Kinzinger, one of those who voted against Trump, said. Kinzinger told ABC’s “Powerhouse Politics” podcast that some members of his party are likely holding back from voting for impeachment due to fear of highlighting their own participation in supporting the president’s false claims of election fraud.

Democrat Jason Crow, of Colorado, relayed similar thoughts in an interview with MSNBC on Wednesday morning.

“I had a lot of conversations with my Republican colleagues last night, and a couple of them broke down in tears talking to me and saying that they are afraid for their lives if they vote for this impeachment,” he said.

Here is a list of the 10 Republicans who took a stance against Trump:

Rep. Adam Kinzinger, R-Ill.“It’s not going to be some ‘Kumbaya moment’ on the floor — it’s going to be an awakening by the American people to hold their leaders accountable to their rhetoric,”

You May Like: Did Donald Trump Say Republicans Are Stupid

Washington Rep Dan Newhouse

Newhouse was first elected during a Republican wave in 2014. He beat a Democratic challenger by 33 points in November, solidly overperforming Trumps 18-point win in Washingtons agricultural 4th District. He serves on the Legislative Branch Appropriations Subcommittee with Herrera Beutler.

A vote against this impeachment is a vote to validate the unacceptable violence we witnessed in our nations capital, he said in a statement. It is also a vote to condone the presidents inaction.

Newhouses views have not always aligned with Trumps on key issues, but he has modified positions in response to the Trump administrations actions. He was a strong supporter of the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program but said after the Trump administration ended the program that it was never the long-term answer. He is concerned about the national debt but voted for the 2017 GOP tax overhaul that contributed to its increase. He has had a 90 percent presidential unity score during the Trump administration. But on Wednesday, he said Trump failed when the country needed a leader.;

Adam Kinzinger Of Illinois

None of the 10 pro-impeachment House Republicans have raised their profiles more than Mr. Kinzinger, a six-term conservative who represents an exurban and rural part of northern and central Illinois. He has created a political action committee and become a frequent anti-Trump presence on cable television and social media since the Capitol riot.

Mr. Kinzinger hasnt formally announced a 2022 re-election bid, and the Illinois legislature, controlled by Democrats, is likely to redraw his district to make it more difficult for a Republican to win.

A half-dozen Republicans are vying to challenge him, including Catalina Lauf, a former Commerce Department official under Mr. Trump, who placed third in a Republican primary in a neighboring congressional district last year.

So far, Ms. Lauf has been endorsed by Representative Madison Cawthorn of North Carolina, one of the leading purveyors of pro-Trump misinformation in Congress.

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Rep Tom Rice South Carolina

Rep. Tom Rice, representing South Carolinas 7th Congressional District, voted to impeach Trump, though he had not spoken out publicly about his decision prior to the vote.

In a statement after the vote Wednesday, Rice said he was not sure whether Trumps speech before the mobs attack amounted to incitement of a riot, but any reasonable person could see the potential for violence.

Once the violence began, when the Capitol was under siege, when the Capitol Police were being beaten and killed, and when the Vice President and the Congress were being locked down, the President was watching and tweeted about the Vice Presidents lack of courage, Rice wrote.

I have backed this President through thick and thin for four years. I campaigned for him and voted for him twice. But, this utter failure is inexcusable.

Republicans Voted To Impeach Trump 7 Already Facing Challenges For Their Seats In Congress

These House Republicans voted for impeachment

Some of the Republicans who voted to impeach former President Donald Trump in January are already having their seats challenged and their ability to hold onto their place in Congress may be dependent on the moves the former president makes in the next 18 months.

Ten Republicans joined Democrats in impeaching Trump a historic second time, a move that was quickly met with condemnation back in their home states. Theyve been publicly scolded, pushed to resign and warned that local organizations will mount a strong push to oust them from office in the primary.

After my last election, I had decided not to run again. But the vote by Congressman Valadao to impeach President Trump with no witnesses, evidence, or without allowing any defense was too much for me to stay on the sidelines, Chris Mathys, a former Fresno, California, city council member, told Newsweek.

Valadao, who represents Californias 21st district, wasnt in office during Trumps first impeachment, as he had been ousted from office in 2018 by Democrat TJ Coxx. In November, Valadao won back his seat from the Democrat who beat him in 2018 by less than a point. The Republican placed blame on Trump for the Capitol riot, saying that his rhetoric was un-American, abhorrent and absolutely an impeachable offense.

Senate Republicans Out of Step With Majority on Convicting Donald Trump

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Michigan Rep Peter Meijer

The freshman Republican, who won a primary last summer in the 3rd District with the backing of House GOP leaders such as Kevin McCarthy, already is cutting an image for himself independent of his party after two weeks on the job. Its less surprising considering that former Rep. Justin Amash, the Republican-turned-independent-turned-Libertarian who split with Trump, held the seat before Meijer. Amash voted to impeach Trump in 2019.;

The scion of the Meijer family, which founded the grocery store chain of the same name, is a veteran of the Iraq War. Trump won the 3rd District, which includes Grand Rapids and Battle Creek, with 51 percent of the vote. Meijer, who turned his campaign operation into a grocery delivery service in the early weeks of the COVID-19 pandemic, outperformed Trump in November, taking 53 percent of the vote.;

Impeachment Of Bill Clinton

Impeachment of Bill Clinton Floor proceedings of the U.S. Senate during the trial of President Bill Clinton in 1999, Chief Justice William Rehnquist presiding Accused Bill Clinton, President of the United States Date Outcome Acquitted by the U.S. Senate, remained in office Charges Perjury , obstruction of justice, abuse of power Congressional votes Voting in the U.S. Senate Accusation Article I perjury;/grand jury Votes in favor Acquitted Accusation Article II obstruction of justice Votes in favor Acquitted

This article is part of a series about

The impeachment of Bill Clinton occurred when Bill Clinton, the 42ndpresident of the United States, was impeached by the United States House of Representatives of the 105th United States Congress on December 19, 1998 for “high crimes and misdemeanors“. The House adopted two articles of impeachment against Clinton, with the specific charges against Clinton were lying under oath and obstruction of justice. Two other articles had been considered, but rejected by House vote.

Clinton was the second American president to be impeached .

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Rep John Katko New York

To impeach a sitting president is a decision I do not take lightly, Rep. John Katko of New Yorks 24th Congressional District said in a statement Tuesday.

As a former federal prosecutor, I approach the question of impeachment by reviewing the facts at hand, he said. To allow the President of the United States to incite this attack without consequence is a direct threat to the future of our democracy. For that reason, I cannot sit by without taking action. I will vote to impeach this President.

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Stupidest Week In The Senate

Perhaps the lone voice of reason coming out of Congress this week was that of Senator Kevin Cramer who described the impeachment trial as, well stupid.

Welcome to the stupidest week in the Senate, he announced in a video statement.

Sen. Kevin Cramer made it clear today what he thought about the historic second impeachment trial of Donald Trump: Welcome to the stupidest week in the Senate

POLITICO

Cramer also blasted House Speaker Nancy Pelosi for using impeachment flippantly as a political tool and described her impeachment managers as backbenchers.

While Speaker Pelosi sent these backbenchers to tie up the Senate, Cramer said, she sent the rest of the House home instead of leaving them here to carry out the actual work of the American people.

Read this NextonThePoliticalInsider.com

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The 10 House Republicans Who Voted To Impeach President Trump

The House of Representatives voted Wednesday afternoon to impeach President Trump for his role in last weeks assault on the Capitol as Congress started to formally count the electoral votes showing that President-elect Joe Biden was victorious in last Novembers election.

The article of impeachment charged that Trump gravely endangered the security of the United States and its institutions of Government by promoting false election fraud claims, seeking to illegally manufacture a different election outcome and inviting his supporters to attend the Jan. 6 rally in Washington that turned violent.

He threatened the integrity of the democratic system, interfered with the peaceful transition of power, and imperiled a coequal branch of Government, read the impeachment article. He thereby betrayed his trust as President, to the manifest injury of the people of the United States.

Trump became the first president to ever be impeached twice, following his December 2019 impeachment for soliciting foreign election interference before he was acquitted in the Senate. Those articles had no support among House Republicans, who unanimously opposed them, but this time 10 members of Trumps party voted to impeach.

Rep Dan Newhouse Washington

Rep. Dan Newhouse of Washingtons 4th Congressional District on Wednesday voted to impeach Trump shortly after announcing his decision to do so on the House floor.

These articles of impeachment are flawed, but I will not use process as an excuse for President Trumps actions, Newhouse said.

The president took an oath to defend the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic. Last week there was a domestic threat at the door of the Capitol and he did nothing to stop it.

In a separate statement released the same day, Newhouse said Trump did not strongly condemn the attack nor did he call in reinforcements when our officers were overwhelmed. Our country needed a leader, and President Trump failed to fulfill his oath of office.

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Rep Anthony Gonzalez Ohio

As House members cast their votes on the articles of impeachment, Rep. Anthony Gonzalez from Ohios 16th Congressional District, tweeted a statement asserting that Trump helped organize and incite a mob that attacked the United States Congress in an attempt to prevent us from completing our solemn duties as prescribed by the Congress.

When I consider the full scope of events leading up to January 6th including the presidents lack of response as the United States Capitol was under attack, I am compelled to support impeachment, he wrote.

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Rep Anthony Gonzalez One Of The 10 House Republicans Who Voted In Favor Of Impeaching Trump Will Not Seek Reelection

Opinion | Republicans on impeachment witnesses, then and now

GOP Rep. Anthony Gonzalez of Ohio announced Thursday he is not running for reelection in 2022.

Gonzalez was one of 10 House Republicans to vote in favor of impeachment, drawing Trumps ire.

Gonzalez called Trump a cancer for the country in an interview with The New York Times.

See more stories on Insiders business page.

Rep. Anthony Gonzalez, a Republican from Ohio, announced Thursday he would not be running for reelection in 2022.

Gonzalez, one of the 10 House Republicans who voted in favor of impeaching former President Donald Trump, said the decision was based on what was best for his family, but that the current political environment also played a role.

While my desire to build a fuller family life is at the heart of my decision, it is also true that the current state of our politics, especially many of the toxic dynamics inside our party, is a significant factor in my decision, Gonzalez said in a statement.

Gonzalez, who is married with two young children, said the decision was the best path for our family.

Gonzalez came under fire from Trump after voting for impeachment in January after the Capitol insurrection. The former president has indicated he will play an active role in the 2022 elections to unseat Republicans who voted against him and replace them with pro-Trump candidates.

In February, Trump endorsed Gonzalezs primary challenger, Max Miller, who worked for Trumps 2016 and 2020 campaigns and as a White House aide.

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[oswednesday]

my first dream i was like this secret agent looking for this guy for some reason like an agent dale cooper type and the setting was like a mix of neighborhoods ive lived in like the over hanging bar shop apartment complex building set in a cute n busy older part of a downtown with like extreme poverty framing it so this building was like a world and culture of its own and i went to the bar and lied about who i was saying i was like a journalist doing a big peice on the building and i wanted to do this cause i lived there as a child ( which was true in the dream) unbeknowst to me my target had eyes on me waaay before i had eyes on him he was like an old man phantom of the opera type and the dream didnt give me a clear reason why the organization i worked for wanted him but it did, i got to sample some of the food to write about and got this drink that was suppose to be super strong but i like downed it and i was getting some dessert as a kid was gathering dessert to bring home to his family like a pre order a famous person came in and one of the bar tenders was like hey ill introduce you and i was like lol thanks oh--it turned out i super knew this person and was like oooo i didnt know youd be in the city! is it fashion week here and we were all hugs and the bar tender who had been stunting was all put out and then someone had grocery deleiveries for the old man who was my target and i was all like i can take them up id like to use the elevators here theyre so unquie! and i got instructions on what floor to go on and on how to drop the groceries off like oh yeah ill drop them ; ) like i had a pistol on me and the elevators went up in batches from the ground floor, they were wall-less and the building manager had to announce that they were going up and it was like dozens of people standing on these little bits of flooring attached to like a single peice of metal or something and that was attached to a pully system that went up through a bunch of shafts to the floors like i got off early to my old floor and saw where i use to live then i went up the stairs to the top floor where this old dude lived where the doors stopped being numbered and i had my gun out, silencer on ready for this fight and he was too and there was like a shoot out like there was this anime slow mo scene where i dropped the groceries and pulled my gun out but he was ready for me i dont really remember the outcome of that if there even was one and it didnt just roll into the next dream

my next dream was like conntected to that battled concept but was like i was a mutant with two other mutants and we were getting enrolled into xaviers school but we had to do go a bunch of stuff first and at one point hes haggling with this shop keeper at like a junky kiosk in this big fancy mall and i stole us all pokemon cards cause my abilitiy was like slight of hand that i used to steal stuff and we all got weird off brand bootleg charizards and we were in a sports car with the top down and xaiver was scolding us about the shop lifting while we were going max speed on the high way

there was this other dream that was like the grotto in solo but with warmer brown tones

then there was like that mall like area again but with zombies and i was trying to escape them into a bathroom to barracade myself and someone else was trying to get into my hiding space while a zombie was in the bathroom and i managed to escape while this person got stuck there and there were people with guns in the room and they tried to shoot the zombies with no luck and the zombie went to stall to stall to pee on the people hiding therre and i was like navigating the space like the public schooling rooms all had zombies and some outter part of the shopping areas with the less ritzy shops and i managed to get deeper into the inferstructure as the early morning mall crowd left their living quarters into the shopping area and there were like scientists in uniforms testing stuff on people in this big collaiuem style room and i was going up to them trying to get some awnsers and they were like Excuse Me Top Secret Who Are You and i was like I AM THE HEAD OF THE GENETICS DEPARTMENT I OUT RANK YOU like apparently i was this super big evil just dressed in casual citizen clothes (the uniforms were like star treckky but Evil they were like slightly oversized and like red but like a pastel maroon or like a carmillia more like that! like pale red but a deeper shade of it with these gold stripes that denoted rank and badges on the front that corepated with department) and they were like oh why didnt you say so omg and like the zombie thing was to skim down the population of poor and i was just like furious cause this made the whole system imbalanced (lawful evil behavior) and i was going to find out who was responsible for this and i didnt have the clearance to see and couldnt convince what was basically the mall cops to let me see the files and this one officer with short curlly hair was like hey tho if you wanna breed i think we're compatiable ; ) and she shot a prisoner or a randomly selected test civilian with a riot control gun she was testing and this person likE EXPLODED and i was like fuming over not getting my way to see the files like all arms folded ans grumbly i was like Yes I Know We Are Genetically Compaitiable We Would Make Superior Offspring >:C and then i woke up

[mintydiable-blog]

Absence makes the goals unobtainable.

Ok, soooooooooo, I was in the middle of typing this out yesterday when the power rudely cut off lol. I had a rather lengthy blog but then *poof* no power!

Anyways, so over the last week something things happened that I was not able to discuss since I was out of town and lacked the energy to actually post anything. There were four major things that happened during the last week and a half, Ill go into more detail here shortly. Its a bit lengthy like I said so grab a glass of wine, pop some popcorn and enjoy the ride ;)

Firstly, we went out to my parents in Ohio over last weekend to do our Christmas thing since we werent able to do it on the actual day. The girls got some cool things and I got SOCKS! We got there safely. spent time with my aunt and then had a mini sleepover with my nieces.

Two things did occur while we were there. My grandmother was rushed to the ER due to having fluid built up in her knee also with arthritis preventing her from getting out of the bed without causing immense pain. She is now currently in rehab (or she was, need an update from my mom) because due to the pandemic they did not have any rooms at the hospital her PCP works for. As far as I know shes doing a lot better. Second thing to come out of this was the fact that my father can now drive legally lol. Long story short since my brother and father share the same name they got my dad instead of my brother. ANYWAYS the only reason why Im mentioning this is because of the reaction he had when he found out he had to retake the written lol. But with that being said Im glad that was taken care of.

On to the third thing, so Im sure everyone has seen the news about the riot on the capitol. Grossly incited by Trump, his followers took his words to heart about the election being stolen from them and that they needed to stage a coup to keep him in power. What I saw was utterly disgusting, people terrorizing police, the same people who were all for Blue Lives Matter but had no issue with killing an officer with a FUCKING FIRE EXTINGUISHER. Just because their cult leader lost. This was a very sad day for our country. People with malicious intent towards the people that turned there backs, as they saw in their eyes, on their furrers back. People carrying weapons, toting a make shift gallows for Pence if he wouldnt overturn the election which he had no power to do so. People destroying the heart of our country just because they lost. Its very shameful for me to see anyone vandalize a historical part of history. Not one single person at that ‘rally’ understand the constitution or their government apparently. The mental state these people had did not hinder the house and senate coming together to finalize Bidens victory. Even through all the chaos and objections they finalized it. Biden will be inaugurated on the 20th of this month.

Now I was never a Trump, even before he ran for President, he’s a horrible human being but some seem to think he would change and had actually done a lot of good for this country. People tend to forget that their predecessors are the ones that implemented the ‘good things’ they do for this country. He has handled this pandemic horribly, a huge amount of Americans were dying while this asshat was golfing. I hate to say I told you so... but.

Ok on to the last few things to mention, my new computer is on its way, well the video card is the last thing Im waiting on. Im super excited because now I can do all the things lol, plus play WoW without lagging. That will be amazing!

While we staying with my mom around 2am Saturday morning I woke up and started watching Buzzfeeds Unsolved (very good show btw =^.^=) when I get a text from my neighbor. Somehow the neighbors, to the left of us, shed caught on fire. There some substantial damage done, half the shed is gone. Our neighbors, that texted me, vehicles were parked right next to it, my car was park right behind it. The truck is totaled, his other car took most of the damage on the left side where the shed was. My car... it looks very sad now. The passenger side doors are completely melted down to the fiberglass, the headlight bubbled out and now looks like a fish eye. With so much damage Im very grateful that no one was hurt. No one really knows how the fire started but there is an investigation underway to figure out what caused it.

I was going to be getting a new vehicle soon anyways so what happened didnt quite phase me as much as it should. Im just dreading having to clean it out and then having it towed. That will happen this weekend. Working on a new schedule to get my meals in since I work overnights. Im struggling a bit but I think Ive got it finally figured out and will stick to this new schedule so I will see better healthier results.

Well I hope you enjoyed the ride lol, I told you it was lengthy but thats what happens when I dont post everyday. Mini vacay has come and gone now to stick it out! Until next time lovelies. have a wonderful day and remember to be safe and stay healthy <3

[missjackil]

Sam, Dean & Sera Gamble

It’s been my feeling since I watched Seasons 6 and 7 that they were different than all other seasons. I didn’t hate them, but I didn’t necessarilly like them either. They were Sera Gamble’s era, and though Im sure it’s hard to stay true to Kripke’s vision, and yet add your own vision to it, I don’t think she did a very good job. I was speaking with a friend recently, who told me it’s a common opinion that Gamble was a Sam girl, the last show runner to “take care” of Sam’s character, and the last one to understand the brothers’ relationship. I nearly spit my coffee on my laptop! Now, this isnt to wank on my friend, I wont name her, but she’ll know who she is if she reads this. She’s a sweety and I respect her, so friend.... this isnt against you :)  Now me, personally, I do tend to see things completely opposite of how most of the fandom sees it, I dont know why that is, but I do. This time is no different, because Im going to go outside the box and explain why I think Gamble was a Dean girl, and maybe even secretly hated Sam. I dont know why she got fired, if any of you do, please enlighten me, because it would seem to me that she got fired for favoring Dean too much and nearly destroying Sam’s character, and Im going to explain why. 

To start, she wasn’t the head hancho yet in S4, but she was the one who insisted that Sam sleep with Ruby and Dean sleep with Anna. Now I understand how intriguing it was to think of one brother sleeps with a demon while the other sleeps with an angel, but if you read these conditions in a fan fic, youd scream “Dean girl!” and complain about the Sam hate in the fact that Sam slept not only with a demon, but with a dead meat suit, while Dean’s angel conveniently had her own body and not someone elses vessle.   Anyone who wasnt a Sam fan before hand, certainly didnt become one after that. Now I know it was hard to redeem Sam after the events of S4, and I wont blame Gamble for that completely, but the end of S5 brought back the brave, sweet, selfless Sam we know and love. The one who only wants to do the right thing, has unlimited love and faith in Dean, is willing to take responsibility of his actions, will give up his life to save the world, and the love for his brother is strong enough to overpower the Devil himself.<sniff> but Gamble got the show for season 6 and what happened? The very first thing, is reward Sam’s courageous act of S5 with coming back soulless. And for a while. at least 5 episodes, all that meant was Sam was Sam minus his good qualities. His compassion, kindness, and love for Dean. Sure, Soulless Sam was sexy and funnier than normal Sam, but for the most part, he was just cold. Again, if you werent a Sam fan up till now, you werent becoming one during this arc. The arc itself, though it seemed to be about Sam, was really about Dean and his reaction to Soulless Sam. What it did to him, how Sam let a vamp turn him, how Dean hated being in the same room with him and very little about how it affected Sam other than for him to say he doesnt care about anything, even about Dean, which made us all hurt for Dean, not Sam.  One of the biggest traits in the WInchester bromance, is that Sam and Dean will go over and above the call of duty for each other, and are self destructively co dependent, and yet the only time in s6 and 7 that Gamble showed this was when Dean went to get Sam’s soul back and died to talk to Death. We see Dean laying his life down for Sam, because he loves him so much, meanwhile.Sam is trying to kill Bobby. Still not winning Sam fans here. Also Sam was trying to kill Bobby to make it impossible to get his soul back, because he was afraid of what would happen to him, which is inconsistant with being soulless, because Soulless Sam (and other soulless people) had no fear, so to me it looks like a plot device  to keep Sam unlikable, it had even been stated by Bobby, that Dean was his favorite, not something a “Sam girl” would put in the mouth of the man Sam loves as a father, is it? Then Sam gets his soul back and with all the talk about how much damage it could do, one would think Sam would be the focus of s6b but he wasnt really, not even in the episode that he got his soul back. We did get an awesome bro hug then, and Im thankful, but the episode turned quickly to a filler/monster hunt, that pushed Sam to the side while Dean went to get that dragon killing sword and do a little physical comedy.  After that, we got a couple hell visions, but no real bromance or happiness that Dean had Sam back, it was just business as usual. We had a lot of comedy though with French Mistake, Fronteir Land, The Heart Will Go On, and Mommy Dearest. Keep in mind we have Dean looking all sexy in his cowboy outfit, and Sam just dresses like Sam with a cowboy hat. Clear signs of a Dean girl Season 6 wraps up with 3 episodes, The Man who Would Be King, that is very Cas heavy even though he’s a side character. He doesnt share this story with Sam or Dean, they just support it. Let it Bleed, which is Dean heavy, Sam isnt in much of it, and Cas is in even less. It’s primarily all Dean, Lisa and Ben, and then The Man Who Knew Too Much, which is actually one of my favorites, Its Sam heavy-ish, even though his hell wall just collapsed, and a fantastic story is unfolding, but he has to share the episode with Cas’s story independent of his own. and of course, Dean has things going on with Bobby. This is not a sign of a Sam girl.

 In the real SPN world, Dean would have stood down with the threat that Sam wouldnt be fixed if he didnt. As we saw him easily give up Anna for Sam, and how he let Lucifer/Sam beat the crap out of him just to keep Sam above ground and give him time to take over. Dean didnt even have a plan to that could help Cas’s problem, but he was willing to let Sam suffer and maybe die, just to stop Cas’s plan that he had no idea if it would fail or not? That’s definitely not “understanding the brothers’ relationship”  Now we move on to S7. The first 2 episodes are pretty heavy for Sam. It looks like he might get a good solid storyline this season. But what does a Sam girl think will help the already painful flood of Hell memories? I know, lets highly imply that Sam was raped by Lucifer!!! YEAH!! This goes great in a show that only gets a pg14 raiting, that emphisizes in love and family. it really NEEDS to have a lead hero raped by the devil for 180 years! How about we also add insult to injury and make Lucifer charming and humorous so the audience will like him! Not like Alistaire that the audience couldnt wait to kill.  I had hoped for the return of the Winchester bromance when Hello Cruel World had some wonderful moments of it. Dean waking Sam for breakfast, and tending to his hand wound, and listening to him about the hallucinations. The scene in the warehouse where Dean showed Sam to press on his wound to keep focus on whats real was one of the best bromantic moments of the series, and then Dean panicking with Sam unconscious in the ambulance. But it was sadly short lived. The next episode is mainly taking place weeks later, Sams issues are touched on for a minute, but he goes out on a hunt by himself, which pisses off Dean who still has a broken leg and cant drive.

 And then Leviathans, and DIck Roman and Samgirl Gamble for some reason thinks it would be such a riot for Sam who has been hallucinating Lucifer and the cage, to get roofied, married, and tied up naked by a stalker fan!! WTF????? And then Bobby dies, and then Sam gets kidnapped by Vetalla for 3 days while Dean was sleeping, and while Sam is bleeding out, Dean is trying to be friends with an annoying teenage girl. and then Dean gets to travel back in time and look smokin hot while he hangs out with Elliot Ness, then Dean fathers a monster daughter, and Sam kills her, and LETS CHASE SAM AROUND WITH CLOWNS!!! Oh wait, is he still having hellucinations? Hmmm I forget, and this is about the time I think Gamble had gotten fired because I have no idea what she was thinking to this point.  Sam’s hallucinations had been put on the back burner so much that I wonder if her intentions were to keep him in that state for a long time. To maybe throw into the mix every now and then, that Sam isnt stable. so he might not be strong enough to handle this thing, or he might not be in his right mind, so Dean will REALLY be the main hero and the most credible of the 2. Because Dean even used Sam’s mental state as a reason why he lied to him about Amy, and Sam just accepted it.  Repoman brought Sam’s hallucinations back to the surface, and i think Carver may have taken over by then because Sam was frantic to find his kidnapped brother, much more than Dean was to find his a few episodes before. Carver had to have been back by The Born Again Identity because Cas came back. I wont say I like the way Sam’s mental health was handled, it was just over by Cas taking on the pain, but at least it got attention and SOME form of closure.  Now Carver isnt without some pretty epic sins, but he definitely wasnt afraid of bromance, and the Winchester co-dependency. I wonder if Gamble gets such support simply because she is a female and women tend to want to support women in business full of men, and I understand that, but Ill still call out the woman if she does a crap job, which I really think she did in this case. She did a better job at taking care of Dean than Sam, and she did nothing to help their relationship. 

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

If i had to pick an American Cookie that can be bought in the store today, hands down it would be this one.

Living in New Mexico for 20 years, i rarely see a black person. I can go 785 days without seeing an African American. Because i have.

So, it's shocking to go to Arkansas or even Oklahoma and see large groups of Black People and i stare. I don't forget they exist due to the internet.. But I never see them so it's like visiting Mount Rushmore or the Grand Canyon. Its this natural amazing marvel. And I just stare usually with my jaw dropped like some social retard. Which I'm not typically. And Hey -- I'm not the only New Mexican that does that shit. We simply have a serious minority of African Americans here. I understand places like Mississippi don't think they're a minority. But if i can leave my house every day and not see a African American, then you're a minority. Just as in higher areas of African American Domination, i like to call it, there isn't many Latina or Hispanic or Mexicans as there are here. In Mississippi, they're a minority and here they're all "bitch we rule this shit! We own New Mexico!"

So due to actual minority being true of African Americans (in the 90s i picked it because it was always claimed officially so I just accepted as NYC is a huge vast mix of all kinds of culture. I figured they actually went out and counted them. But i wanted to explain to those whom don't travel and don't experience life in other places in the United States.

So in the 90s the Harringtons and I and as he preferred to be called, Captain Negro, his super hero name. Captain Negro del ela Ponte if you wanted to get legal about it. Decided to pick an "American Cookie" we could easily purchase for Sunday nights. And of course it had to be absolutely perfect.

"Taste Great but Look the Part as Touched by a negros heart and soul" said Captain Negroponte as I called him or Captain Negro Party or Captain Negro Parte especially when i didn't know how to explain something.

I tell you. I've always been smart. Miss Leena always hides and plays dumb and just tells history. But to compare and contrast and make analogies i truly learned from this man whom was my English Compilation Teacher, a True Super Hero.

For the cookie experiment. I talked to Miss Leena but she wouldn't explain. She just gave me the type of cookie and told me I would know what to do.

William Harrington said, "I dont know to me a cookie is just a cookie and my wife makes them great!"

And Willingima. we called her, Harrington, at the (jokingly) threat of our own lives said she did not know either she just had to bake she had said as when quietly embroidered under the table a gift for the Captain Hero's family.

So he came over and we told him and his eyes lit up and he was bouncing around with excitement at the table. "So the cookies are.... But I sure don't know how to explain anything but the chocolate"

"Okay explain me"

I did

"And these are just regular old fashioned chocolate chip, not chocolate on chocolate dough or white chocolate chip?"

"I could ask miss leena but im sure it's the old fashioned."

"Lets call her"

She said that the Chocolate dough (black/dark brown dough) with white chocolate chips would be An African cookie -- for their culture here in America and in actually Africa.

So we were all at the phone all listening in, the phone turned all the way up. Now this is the 90s wall phone no speaker phone ability.

So Captain Negroponte told me back at the table, "so you know the old fashioned. Idk why she wouldn't explain the chocolate on chocolate because of the two different browns. But you know I'll stay out of it. I think i do know the sugar but let me just check. What did she say on the phone to you when she called?"

"Well she called just out of the blue. Asked for Sabrina and i thought she was asleep and so i said she was as she hadn't came down (stairs -- our bedrooms were up and i was just living there For the summer or however long until i had to go back to work into the city i moved out October 9, 1991 due to riots in Brooklyn because i had to go help as i spoke about this last week. Officially moved in July 4th of the same year) and she said and i quote "well just tell sabrina this, that i called and she needs to do a cookie experiment. A white old fashioned cookie of chocolate chip flavor and a sugar cookie. She should know what to do with all of your help" she sounded old and she said her husband wasn't home and she was just resting. So i said "well ill let you go" and she said no and wanted to know all about our enterprise feeding the Street neighborhood kids and asked about money and she said "well Sabrina can help" do you -- do you have money? I sure am tired of eating hot dogs myself. This is getting expensive! I mean for us"

I replied "i do have some... Ill talk to Steve to see what we should do and how much and the best way to go about this"

"No now you seem nervous and she said you have a lot"

"Billions" she said the same time I said "millions"

"And you said some.. You said what? What you got now hon?"

"You said I'm a billionaire and i wouldn't ever lie to anyone but Steve explained to me, hes my lawyer, he said that i needed not to explain how rich i am but if someone needed money I'm to say i only have one million dollars and that is it. And i said "but that is a lie!" And he said "but no it is not not when I'm not allowing you to give out more than thousands without my approval" and i was mad!!! But in the end i saw what Steve said i should see. Its dangerous to advertise how rich i am"

"Bull shit! We probably have the richest girl in the world here sitting at our table and im telling her to penny pinch! Babe! We're having steaks next week! Put that on the list!"

"I'll pay you guys all back!"

"No!" "No!" "No!"

"No. Yes i mean i know you all did it from the goodness of your hearts but you shouldn't suffer. And i didn't realize that you were. I mean i thought you just wanted to eat hot dogs. I didn't know there was any difference"

"Blah!"

"So what I'll do. Because Steve said I'm allowed up to thousands and you're still in hundreds last i checked. $991 for the last three weeks for the entire house budget. So I'll at least double that and give Captain Nero the same. For the time y'all have spent working and then what i meant i would have to talk to Steve is that I would have to design a plan for the future. What he's talked about is supplying a credit card with a limit capable of exceeding the design purchases. So like if you need $900,000 a month then the credit card would allow $1 million. That's what hes explained to me. Then he would supply 12 blank checks for the year then all you would do is call the number on the back of the card once monthly to find out the balance and get the address, write the check and then mail it to the credit card company. Easy as that. He would get the bills to look over to see you're not scamming me. Then he can stop payment on the rest of the checks if you are and cancel the card. That goes for everyone. So for this i think that is what he would pick. It sounds simple. Of course, I don't pay bills or anything like that. Steve always handles it for me. But I'll still have to talk to Steve to get that program under way. And I'll make sure he pays you and you and of course you for past supplies and your time"

So they agreed to the extra payment but wanted to do work free. Mrs Harrington got $15 per day for taking care of me. And still does although she doesn't take care of me anymore, her influence still lives within me and is what made me who I truly am today.

If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't ever asked criminals how they wanted their ending to be. I would have ripped them off the streets and tortured them one by one ripping off pieces of their body while injected with a chemical that made them highly alert and aware of what was happening. For 6 years and 600 days. Them never knowing when it would be the day to lose something they deemed important.

Instead of dungeons and torture chambers, they have a chance at luxury and happiness.

Those asking for death instead have a right to live in peace and make their amends and do as they need. The miserable are killed first to stop their pain and suffering. 72 wanted vacation before. They got that.

If it wasn't for the Harringtons and Captain Negro, never would that occurred.

They saved a wretch like me and in turn, I saved those worst than me. As Jesus would. She taught me all about the belief of Jesus and who they believed he was

Over Captain Harrington's right shoulder was a cross with me looking down or asleep. They eyes were closed. I felt it was the most accurate representation of me. It even had lumps on it's chest. And I always felt so much responsibility. She believed the Unorthodox Jewish ways with a Catholic overcoat. She was non-religious before marriage so she had a mix of views and dabble in all spirits of religion. Also, the occult.

So when her cheeks were pink and her bright blue eyes lit up, and she told me about Jesus. I always prayed to the Lord in Hevaen that I would live up to her expectations.

And often I would look at that cross and feel the thorns cutting into my forehead. "I hope we can do it. Change the world as expected" I would say.

There were times i would take it off the wall "i feel Jesus should watch some T.V., too" i didn't want to say who i was. Mrs Harrington thought i felt that crown of thorns because Jesus was telling me that i knew things and i should act. Of course I didn't really know who I was, either, at first. Mommy thought it was too much but Daddy told me and said I should keep it secret. But I could tell who or what I want. So I decided to honor mommy and not say. But incorporate Jesus since he was such a big part of Catholicism and decor in the house, daddy said that would make Jesus alive in the house and keep my secret. But allow my full powers to bloom.

And it worked.

So Captain Negroponte said that day that he kept getting questions from one particular kid as tall as me about White Supremacy and how his family taught him that all white people were bad and "only play with nigger kids" so he was certain he knew how to explain the white sugar cookie as long as i could do "the chocolate chip without fail then it would all be good and life would be perfect for this particular child"

"I can. I know just what to do. It will be perfect"

"Okay don't tell me. I dont want to hear until that day"

So he left with a bounce and his eyes glittery. His soul full of tears for this young man, looking back where he left all his hope and faith, walked down the short dark hall and into the sunlight of a cool brisk Saturday afternoon.

"Hey now i might need some help. I know i need to show the white dough and then how it tans when baked. I got that talking to her on the phone"

"Well she didn't say --"

"She said Bake. And i was transformed back into her kitchen and had a white plastic bowl which i put into the oven -- it was empty and out it came a clay not crystal like ours but ceramic Brown bowl with the white inside. So i know what to say about White people tanning to make 2 races so we all have to support the black"

"You you get!! So not all white people are the same!!! Good good!!"

"Shew! Thank you! So I was at the kitchen in the sink.. I mean -- i said that backwards -- so anyway I'm in the kitchen and i see the silver sink and the bowl appears before my eyes and suddenly im holding it in my hands and i went to hand the phone to you as i tried to hand the bowl to her in my standing hands and she didn't sound old like she did in the phone, she sounded very young and sing song. And she said "no the children" so what we have to do is give the bowl to each of the children and let them mix it themselves. That will help white supremacy in however that means. So then the black kids all add the chocolate chips. And then when we bake. That will represent the Muslims that i used to help when in was younger and who framed me to be as i am today. But the kids don't all know that so it will represent all the darker but lighter skin than black you know like Puerto Riccans and Vietnamese and Chinese and all those sorts of people and how the African Americans have inserted their "language" into us to make the world such an amazing place. Without them we wouldn't be the cookie we are today here in 1991. Isn't that right, Jesus?"

"Oh don't look at him so harsh. What do you need me to do?"

"Bake the cookies. At the start we will mix then he will tell a story then we will do the baking. We can do two days in a row or we can help you here in the kitchen. Megan and i can take turns like we always do and so if we wanted to spread the word for two weeks since its getting so cold, we can start in the afternoon instead of dusk. And do the two different cookies the same time -- No i mean in the ssme day"

"Okay that could work. We will just let Captain Nero know and I'm sure he could come up with two great stories to pass the time. And you will pay?"

"Oh yes. Yes of course. And when I talk to Steve I'll ensure Miss Harriet Tubman is getting her cut although she always paid on her own and said she was on solid woman and could make it doing all she pleased, her husband is still working. But he's a police sergeant so I know its not for money. But she could buy her something nice with his pension."

"Pension?"

"Oh he has two. He works a lot. One thinks she's like 80 and the other 102 or 103 i think it is. So one will be cut surely i assume. She said she doesn't think she can make it to 120 without them getting onto her"

"And his paycheck?"

"Oh he donates it to science. They own their own trailer and car and BBQ"

"BBQ?"

"BBQ Grill. Of course though if i gave her money she would probably just clothes the whole entire neighborhood. I'll ask Steve if thats what she wants or that i could do. She said that was the only thing she had left in life to apply for. I guess she always knew i had money thats why she gave me the evil eye. She always provides them gloves in the winter -- except she buys them in the summer when they're cheaper and puts them in a box to save them till it gets cold again. I tell you. She is smart. So about these sugar cookies. I sure hope it works. It seems the opposite of what we set out to do. All white with beautiful crystals on top. She said to make them look so worthwhile and be as perfect as possible..."

So while the White Supremacist cookie is after all just a cookie that we used to explain to a child that was deeply courageous to learn more and actually educated his parents and they hugged me with forgiveness, myself being white.

I have explained the example. And to further educate, the Sugar Cookie in all other reality when not used for a demonstrations, is just a cookie we bake when we have no other additives.

But as Captain Negro (you may call him Captain Nero as Mrs Harrington would as she refused to "see" any color other than the colors of the rainbow") explained we should always try to find something good to add to something that is empty of extras. Be it fruit from like the Garden of Eden or be it nuts or seeds like Big Bird from Sesame Street, prefers, we should always fill our life and our cookies with as much goodness as possible. But some days, he said, some days its okay to have just a plain ole bit of sugar. As long as it's full of love and not hate.

So please do enjoy your plain white sugar cookies that are made with love. Black Panthers nor "all" white people do not encourage prejudice -- even if it's just against a cookie.

God bless us.

So we picked for our "American Cookie" the cookie below: because of the way it looks and the way it tastes. I encourage you to buy some today. As you can see the chocolate chips are hidden just as African American Heritage is hidden. And when we take a bite a beautiful explosion of chocolate erupts and elivenes our spirits.

And to top the cookie off, all of this occurs inside. Hidden away. Just like our souls are.

Thank you for listening. If these people could touch you just one percent how much they changed my life and gave me love and education and pride and so much faith in other people. Then you will be so better off

I hope you allow them to touch your souls.

Now here is the cookie you all have been waiting for:

We would laugh. And call it the "Soft Bitch" we may be going hard and fighting loud but we always have time for a tear, a hand to hold, a face to hug.

Because this is The United States of America. And she ain't all that bad. Not her citizens. Her government. Yes. But her citizens are blessed by her rich history of which she had no control over.

The American Cookie. A brown cookie, like a white person tans with perfect pieces of Black African American heart and soul baked in. Cookies of the United States of America. I always called them "American Cookies" We even had kids sit and mix up chocolate chip dough from scratch, each child getting to mix and have an ingredient added while they mixed. They all got to see the raw dough was White. Then They were baked with love by Momma Harrington and they came out tan. Like white people do in the sun. So they could see for certain how the African American were and are in the souls and minds of white people. And how without the African American pieces of love they were not complete. To prove this we made cookies without the chips and they were bland. "But What about White Supremacy? Because that was just America without us. But What about how they think?" I was asked. "I guess we could try Sugar Cookies then and see what happens. So we made beautiful sugar cookies with sugar crystals on top. Thank God our Black Panther Leader knew the words because i was at a loss.

"We all mixed and made those cookies. We saw what was in them! Sugar! We made them appeasing to the eye and different looking and more special looking than an old Chocolate Chip with those crystals. But those crystals?!? They ain't nothing. We got them in chocolate chip and that is all they put in the White Mass cookies. Then we sprinkled a little on top to make them look clean and beautiful like a real treasure. But the Treasure is Truth!!! They're missing the real thing! Sure they look beautiful especially in the sun, the crystals reflecting the lights all over but those crystals are Blinding us to the Truth!!! They are all a fraud!! But go ahead, eat them. I would too. White supremacist and all. Now let's growl!!"

Reminder Established in 1991:

Miss Leena has a different fund called ""Harriet Tubman's Self Worth Working Still Today" and she has 778 users of my funds whom also feed the people of their neighborhood and streets. They do collard greens, steak and potatoes soup daily. Saturday and Sunday add hot dogs and Sunday Morning they do their African American Heritage Stories. Of course 68% are certified Black Panthers as well but no one has to pledge to an organization to feed children with love m they just follow their hearts.

The account labeled "Black Panther Food Allocation - For the Street Kids" 962 people across the globe do this on their personal streets nightly. Feed kids collard greens, hot dogs and/or hamburgers (with cheese and iceberg lettuce, tomato, onions, relish and so on). And on Sundays tell the stories of Black American Leaders that intended to destroy prejudice and mistreatment and succeeded and the listeners all get cookies.

Of course I bought the secret Cookie to represent our Nation. The United States of America.

The United States was founded officially on July 4, 1776.

Due to this i requested our policy be to employ no more than 77% of African American and no less than 76% the remaining percent be of at least 4 different shades of white.

We start at $18 per hour as that is the adult age in the USA to represent freedom. We employ 2020 in each factory setting arena.

Then we changed the recipe, to take out the lumps. To promise a better and smoother future for all.

The Original cookie to represent the past is gone is pictured on the box as well as an elf. It is not misrepresentation of what is inside, unless you expected to find an elf as well. In no way is there any identifying words that says that is the what the cookie looks like inside. But it is the Original cookie artwork packaging as i bought it in 1991.

We have been sued over the artwork not representing the contents. Once i sued myself and won. I got good game. Y'all. Persuaded everyone to see it my way! It was a mock trial. And so it was to prepare for a real trial which did occur and we did win. We simply told the truth of our packaging and said we were not ready to reveal it. It was 2007 and we hadn't done a full reveal since 1991 and so why not leave us alone as we couldn't promise the change?!?!

We did word of mouth and some soft T.V. programming to indicate it. But never The full storey as I have today in pulic.

So again here is the Original cookie it did actually look like but did crumble more -- we kept that chocolate chip explosion. But bake them twice to have an outer coating of smoothness.

[thevagabondlog]

Ive been staring at this blank page for an hour now. I haven’t written a shred of anything in close to a year, but I feel like the current set of circumstances right now dictate it. Hermes guides me. I haven’t even written a draft by hand like I normally do, Im just letting this come out and it feels great.

The last two, maybe even three years of my strange trip on this planet have been such a surreal high paced blur. Ive come to realize that I do too much in too short a time, too many places visited, people met, things done in the dead of night and the overwhelming heat of the day. A few strings busted, a few hearts broken. Nothing out of the ordinary except the fact that my address is still changing every month and I’m still getting lost daily, both in reality and in my mind. Not that I’d change it for the world. I don’t even know who exactly reads this garbage but if you still are, know this is going to be a long one. Ive got a lot on my mind, time is on my side and there’s nowhere I need to be.

Everyday in the Caribbean is incredibly hot and sticky. Every night is mysterious and romantic.

Writing this is simultaneously difficult and surprisingly easy. Its difficult to explain whats been shredding through my head the last few months or however bloody long. Since I last attempted to write, if you can call it that, Ive since been through a serious and drama filled breakup with my long term girlfriend back home, been to seven countries including South Africa ( more on that later ), morphed back into the older Joshua Palmer and basically been running a permanent anarchic riot around the world. As I write now, its once again a hot day in the Bahamas and my head is still swirling with Ricardo Black Rum from the previous night. Special Edition, of course.

Church of the Open Sky.

April 5 - April 26, three weeks back in the motherland after more than a year and a half overseas. A lot of expectations held, almost none of them met. Im not quite sure why, but looking back now in June I realize i didn’t enjoy my stay there at all. Highlights include seeing my parents again (they wept) and one or two close friends who I’m not even sure are still friends at this stage. I came to realize I hate most of the people that fill up my tiny coastal hometown, largely due to the fact that they’re all hypocritical judgmental small minded people who have never been anywhere farther than the gas station in the next town. Keep in mind that these are the same people that said I’d never amount to anything and Id be back home after a month of failed traveling searching for a job running a yacht. Choke on your words. Anyhow, I also got told numerous times that I’d changed completely, becoming much more ‘arrogant’, ‘rude’, ‘insensitive’ etc to the people around me. I suppose in a way I was, but then everyone back in that place is easily offended and so narrow minded it makes me want to shoot myself. I suppose Im much happier over here, on my own and fending for myself, in foreign countries where I don’t know anyone, and all I know is where North-East is. The entire time I was back there, I couldn’t wait to come back to the West Indies. It feels good getting these thoughts down, they’ve been bouncing around my head for too long now.

I was dancing with some girl in a club a month or two ago and in-between reggaetron and soca she asked me a question no one has ever asked before: “Where do you consider home?” I really don’t know. Definitely not back in my hometown, I don’t plan on setting foot in that place for another twenty years at least. Its not on the boat either, nor on any of the islands. Id have to say home is wherever I feel alive the most. Which just so happens to be fifteen feet underwater looking up.

May 4 - Twentieth birthday in Georgetown, Exumas, Bahamas. Largely uneventful, frankly boring and unsatisfying. Mind you I was working at the time so of course the celebrations were minimal to non existent.

January 2017 - Current.

Adopted really strange sleeping patterns similar to a Russian insomniac writer fighting his bouts of suicidal depression with vodka and pharmaceuticals. I don’t know what this stems from other than my erratic lifestyle of mainly working onboard the entire day and still getting drunk at local bars into the early hours of every new day.

Right now its summer and every heat wave day is longer than the last.

I have lost interest in a lot of people who I once thought important. I do not know if this is selfish on my part or all just part of moving around constantly, or just one of those things you deal with as you get older. I have been told numerous times that I’m not going to make it past thirty, and for some reason or other I’m embracing the thought. Go out in a strange and mysterious accident of sorts somewhere out at sea, that place that once gave birth to me. Ill let you know.

For the past few weeks I have also had these increasingly frequent urges to just pack up, delete my Facebook and go completely off the grid, getting lost in strange and exotic foreign places. Lawrence of Arabia in Morocco. Not knowing the unknown is turning me on more and more everyday, as well as the idea of just giving the finger to all the people back home who are getting married young, stuck in nine-to-fives that they hate, and coming home to deal with the mortgage and car insurance people. I left the country the first time with no actual plan, one bag and sixty dollars in my pocket and I don’t regret a single moment. And I don't mean all those cliche travel pictures and utter bullshit you see on social media telling you to just ‘pack up and go’, I mean actually deserting myself. Exile on Main St. Highway Child. Midnight Rambler.

The lust for this has never been greater. I keep asking myself just what is holding me back?

My biggest fear is living a life just like everyone else, a life that no one remembers. Why should I listen to any authority or second guess myself? Time will tell and hopefully sooner or later. And if I’m not mistaken, and I surely hope not, I may have found someone to do it with. A woman unlike anyone else Ive met or ever known before. A woman who, somehow exceeds everything I think about her constantly and is basically the exact fibre of my dream girl since I was fifteen. Physically outrageous, a beautiful figure. Mentally, she keeps me on my toes only because I hope to somehow match her standards. Well travelled and with such an eerily alike mind to my own its more than possible we were once together in an earlier life. My best efforts of a description is a glorious hybrid of a gypsy, voodoo witch, mermaid, and the Goddess Aphrodite all in one. With a sprinkling of a rebellious 1960’s mindset which only turns me on further. Making love to her only broke my mind in two and made me question everything. She’s everything I ever wanted from every rock and roll song Ive listened to, and she’s in all of them. And believe it or not I only knew her for three days before she flew off again, once more traveling. While Im starting to feel a little stuck in this place. Most would say Im crazy, but I already knew that.

I do wonder what, and how exactly she’s had such an effect on me. It makes me look back at every other girl I’ve ever been with and realize that they do not even come close to her or the psycho-electric effect she has on me. And if you know me, you’d know I dont feel like this to anyone, ever. She’s touched me deep down, and the next few months or years or whatever only promise to be very exciting.

Im trying, and not succeeding very well, to look back at everything over the past few months and years, if you couldn’t tell by now. How many people did I meet for five minutes and never see again? Friends or lovers for one night and then gone the next day never to be seen? I look at what all my ‘friends’ are doing back home, studying in their first or second year. My best friend living with his fiancee and hating every second, constant fighting and the such but too scared to leave because he believes he loves her and well, believes he cant do any better. In love with the security and constant hard work I suppose. A friend through the grapevine told me recently that he has lost respect for me and hates the lifestyle I live. I wont lie and tell you I wasn’t hurt or taken aback. We’ve spent four years together, done much, and always confided in one another. Is he jealous of the knowledge that Im traveling the world, free and easy, able to go to the bar every night and dance with exotic girls while he is forced to come home after work to a nagging unloving bitch that makes his life hell? He would never admit that. Im not scared to tell it exactly how it is though. Another trait passed on to me from my father, whom I miss so.

If I had never made the decision to leave all those months ago would I be in the same position as my friend right now? Maybe. More than likely, I was in a long term relationship with someone I thought I loved, about to get sucked into that domesticated world before I jumped ship. Haven’t seen her since actually. Thanks for the memories girl, but you weren’t for me.

Life would be very different and it would bore me to death. I prefer dying in other ways in places where no one understands English.

Now my thoughts go back to my unbiological sister, we once were very close. Always looking after one another, often mistaken to be a couple but not. I thought I was in love with her too, but she’s changed so dramatically in the time I was away I hardly recognized her anymore during my homecoming visit. She lied to me many times in those three weeks, thinking I wouldn’t find out, and probably still thinking Im ignorant. Makes me wonder why we are like we are. She told me I changed a lot too and I’m no longer the Josh she knew, that I’ve grown cold and distant. Well look at yourself babe, can you really blame me? Its only further cemented my belief that you need to keep moving forward in such a way that they will never trap you or hold you down, until finally you find someone that you want to be trapped with. You know who you are.

“I thought you needed my lovin’, But it’s my heart that you stole. I thought you wanted my money, But you plundered my soul.”

[gawainism]

im starting to think this project will never get done