#and if they don't wanna fix it we've both agreed to just leave it that way. we ain't fixing it for them for free.

[neverendingford]

.

[cjlouwho]

You Provide Strength

(Part 2 of my wedding series, part one here)

Summary:

After finding out his parents won't be attending his wedding, Buck asks Bobby and Athena for a big favor.

Note: Read here or on ao3. There will probably be more parts, but each part can be read as a oneshot.

It's six days to the wedding and Buck is in hour nine of a twelve hour shift. Both he and Tommy wanted to work right up until the day before the wedding, saving up to enjoy a nice honeymoon. Bobby had insisted on half-shifts for Buck, which he had tried to protest, but after last night he was eternally grateful. He wasn't sure he could handle a full shift of emergencies after the phone call last night.

“Why are you being so somber?” Chim asked, looking directly at Buck. They were all sitting around the TV, a commercial playing quietly in the background. They hadn't really been watching anything. Everyone, except Buck, had been chatting away, discussing their weekend and the plans they had leading up to the wedding.

And Buck knew what Chimney was really asking. Why are you so quiet? But they didn't use that word- in any context.

He hadn't told anyone the news. They were all already on shift when he heard from his parents, and it wasn't really something he wanted to announce in the first place.

His head had been hurting all day. He had stayed up late, talking to Tommy about all the times his parents failed to show up for him. It was stories Tommy already knew, but he listened anyway. He listened, and responded, and asked questions.

He had apologized for the pity party, but Tommy had reassured him that talking about legitimate trauma that had impacted his life was not a pity party.

They hadn't fallen asleep until half past one, then Buck was up by five to make his six o'clock shift. Tommy didn't have to be at work until an hour later, but he got up with Buck anyway and made him a breakfast burrito to go, making Buck promise that he'd actually eat it.

Ever since then, Tommy had been sending regular texts, and even called a couple of times just to check in.

“I'm not being somber,” Buck replied, slumping further into his chair.

“You're being very somber. It's weird.”

“Chim's right, Buck,” Hen agreed. “You haven't shut up about the wedding this year, but now- silence. Got pre-wedding jitters?”

Buck sighed. “No,” he replied, staring at TV. “Marrying Tommy is the one thing I'm sure about.”

“Then what's up?” Chim asked. “Worried Jee won't throw the flowers right? We've been working all month,” he smiled, “she's a natural.”

“I'm not worried about that.” God, he wished they'd shut up. He knew they meant well, he was simply in no mood to deal with questions.

“Did someone steal your clipboard again?” Chimney continued lightheartedly. “I swear it wasn't me this time.”

“Don't look at me!” Hen countered. “I learned my lesson.”

“Guys,” Eddie started, having been quiet up until now. “Why don't we chill for a second? Give the almost-newlywed some breathing room.”

Eddie always knew when Buck wanted to talk, and when he really, really didn't. For that, Buck was endlessly grateful.

“Well, I'm sorry,” Chimney replied, his tone showing he was still oblivious to the gravity of the situation. “I'd like to know what made our Buckaroo go from nonstop chatterbox to the qu- silentest,” he quickly fixed, “boy in the world.”

“I really don't wanna talk about it,” Buck said, shooting up from his seat. He could feel his face getting red. He didn't want to get angry with them, he knew they meant no harm, but he couldn't handle the talking anymore. “Please, leave me alone.”

He didn't wait around to see their faces after his little outburst. He quickly walked off and began making his way to Bobby's office.

Hen and Chimney's eyes fell to Eddie, who gave a nod before getting up and following behind Buck.

“Hey, Buck, wait a sec.”

Buck stopped, and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before turning around. “Eddie, I-”

“I know; you don't wanna talk about it,” Eddie replied, holding his hands up in surrender. “I just wanna make sure you're okay. I do feel it's my duty as your best man,” he added with a smile, concern still showing in his eyes.

Buck felt bad. He knew he could just tell them. They'd understand. They'd be pissed, but they'd understand. But something was stopping him. Almost a feeling of embarrassment. Embarrassed that his own parents wouldn't be at his wedding because, of all things, a previously planned cruise.

“I just- I need to talk to Bobby about something first. I promise i-it's not anything bad. Wedding plans are fine, Tommy's fine, we're... we're great, actually. I'm just stressing about stuff.”

Eddie nodded, letting that answer be sufficient. For now, at least.

“Okay.” He gave Buck a pat on the shoulder. “I'm here when you're ready.”

“I know,” Buck replied. “Thanks for that.”

----------------

Buck paused before walking into Bobby's office. He needed to settle himself. He felt on edge already, and he needed to make sure he didn't burst into tears the second he walked into the office.

Hesitantly, he knocked, entering once he heard Bobby's, “Come in.”

“Am I bothering you, Cap?” he asked.

“Not at all, Buck. What's up?”

“I was just, um, I was actually wondering if I could talk to you, and Athena, tonight, uh, if that's okay?”

“Sure,” Bobby replied, giving Buck a quizzical look. “Are you okay?”

Buck sighed. “Um, I think I- well, that's kind of a loaded question,” he let out a humorless laugh, “but I will be, I think.”

“You wanna come have a seat, Buck?” Bobby motioned to the empty chair across from him.

“No, I, uh, as long as tonight's okay, I'm good. I won't take too much time-”

“Don't worry about that,” Bobby interrupted. “We're having lamb stew tonight, there will be plenty for ya, so come on over. Seven-thirty good?”

“That's perfect. Thanks, Cap.”

“Of course, Kid.”

--------------

After going home to shower and change, Buck arrived at Bobby and Athena's place.

They exchanged hellos, then Buck headed into the living room to sit.

“Dinner should be ready in about ten minutes,” Athena said. “Can I fix you something to drink while we wait.”

“Oh, no thanks, Athena. I'm good. I need to talk to you about something,” he started, looking from Athena to Bobby.

“I can leave you two to it.”

“A- Actually, I need to speak to you both.”

Buck wanted to get this over with now. He was tired of the anxiety that kept building up inside of him. If he didn't say something now, he wouldn't be able to eat.

“Okay,” Athena said with a nod, taking a seat on the couch. Bobby sat beside her, while Buck sat across from them in a chair.

“Are you sure everything's okay, Buck?” Bobby asked. “You haven't been yourself today.”

“No, I- I know I haven't. Yesterday was actually pretty stressful and I haven't- I wasn't ready to really get into it with everyone at the station.”

“Planning a wedding can be stressful,” Athena said, figuring that was the cause for concern. “That's why I highly recommend going to the courthouse.” She and Bobby exchanged smily glances at one another.

Buck nervously rubbed his hands together. “That was an option at one point,” he replied. “But everything with the wedding is mostly ready. Actually, once I talk to you two tonight, it will be completely ready.”

“Alright,” Bobby said. He could tell this was serious. “You've got our attention, Buck. What do you need?”

“Well, you know how, um, Tommy's mom is gonna walk him down the aisle?”

They both nodded in response.

“And my parents were walking me. And we know that's not traditional, but what even r- really is traditional, you know? We wanted them to be a part of it because they're a part of us and like it or not they made us who we are.” He was rambling. He knew he was rambling. He knew they knew he was rambling. But he couldn't seem to stop himself. “I mean, I know it means a lot to Tommy to have h- his mom walk with him and I-”

“Buck, Buck,” Bobby interrupted, raising a hand to stop him. “What's up?”

Buck took a deep breath. “My parents aren't coming to the wedding and I'd like you two to walk with me,” he let out quickly.

“W- Wait a minute,” Athena started, scooting closer to the edge of the couch. “Your parents aren't coming to the wedding?”

Buck could feel the embarrassment on his face. “Uh, no. They're not.”

“Why not?” She asked pointedly.

God, he felt so small. “They have a cruise.” His voice was quiet, defeated.

Athena raised an eyebrow. If Buck had the courage to maintain eye contact, he would have been able to see the fire in her eyes. “They have a cruise?”

“Yeah, they have a cruise.”

“They have a cruise. Bobby, did you hear this? They have a cruise!” Her voice was rising now, concern being overtaken by anger.

“Yes, yes, I heard, Athena.” Bobby placed a hand on Athena's back to try and calm her, or at least keep her seated. “Buck, I don't know what to say.”

“It's okay,” Buck assured them, however weak the assurance was. “Really. I- I found out last night and it was a shock, for sure, but I need to not dwell on that.”

“Surely they gave some sort of legitimate reasoning beyond the cruise?” Athena continued.

“Honey, did you hear what Buck asked us?” Bobby asked, trying to get back on topic. He knew Athena. How fierce she could be when someone she loves is wronged. But that wasn't what Buck needed right now.

Athena paused for a moment before relaxing her posture. “Yes, yes of course, Buck, I'm so sorry.”

“It's alright,” Buck replied, letting out a laugh. He didn't say it, but he always wished he had a mom like Athena. Someone to straighten him out when he was wrong, but fight for him all the same.

“Are you sure you want us to walk with you, Buck?” Bobby asked.

Buck nodded. “I'm sure. It was actually Tommy who brought you guys up, and I- I really couldn't think of two better people to walk with me... my actual parents included.”

Bobby and Athena glanced at each other, giving a little nod before Bobby responded. “We'd be honored, Buck.”

Buck let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding, allowing himself to smile as a wave of relief washed over him. “Thank you guys, so much.”

Athena got up, holding out her arms for a hug. Buck stood, allowing himself to be held, tears prickling at his eyes. A beeping sound from the kitchen pulled Athena away.

“I'll go check the bread,” she said, trying to hide it as she wiped a hand across her own cheek.

Bobby knew she was still livid. She'd probably be talking about this for most of the night. But he also knew she loved Buck, and would let her anger subside until he was gone.

“We can probably head into the dining room now,” Bobby said, getting up as well.

Buck went to head that way, but Bobby stopped before they reached the room. “Hey, Kid,” he said, Buck turning to face him.

“Yeah?”

“Is there anything else you need? Anything at all?” There was so much more behind those words. You want me to call your parents? You want the rest of the week off? You want to sleep in the spare room so you're not alone tonight? You want us to rearrange the wedding?

Buck smiled, shaking his head as the tears stung his eyes again. “Just show up. J- Just be there.”

Bobby pulled Buck into a tight hug. “That we can do.”

[an-au-blog]

We've all seen Sora take the kids and marry Zeff or leaving Zeff custody of Sanji but hear me out: Sora doesn't die and is the one to break Sanji out of the dungeon and escapes with him. They're in some no name town in the East Blue and Sanji sneaks on to Mihawk's little coffin boat to loot him and take it back to his mom and gets caught. Mihawk walks him back to Sora who apologizes profusely and Mihawk can see that shes ill and that they're clearly out of their depth and for whatever reason, his mind cannot fathom it honestly, he offers to take the Kuraigana with him. Sora and Sanji agree too, for whatever reason, maybe they're scared because they know who he is, or they're just that desperate. Either way they agree and leave with him.

They make a supply stop a couple islands away because Mihawk realizes they have nothing except a shared back pack of clothes and that's it. Sanji is trying not to hide behind his mom from Mihawk but he's a kid who's been through a lot and Mihawk reminds him of his brothers and Judge. Mihawk gets them a few outfits and picks up some more food because of how thin they both are. When they check into an inn and Sanji's asleep Sora finds Mihawk and thanks him and says she had to save her son.

Not even a month after they're all settled in his home Mihawk finds himself extremely endeared to this duo and hopes they never leave, it takes him another three to say it and Sora cries happily and Sanji nods. Sora has taken over most of the cleaning and Sanji cooks with Mihawk a lot and Sora has improved greatly. The dynamic isnt perfect by any means but it works for them. Sometimes Sanji's nightmares will wake Mihawk up before they wake him up so Mihawk will sit with him until they do or he calms down. Sora knows a lot about caring for weapons and instruments so she'll tune the piano or clean his antique swords.

Woops Mihawk is in love and suddenly has a wife and child he didn't think he would and Newgate is going to laugh at him. Doesn't even necessarily think of the implications or anything just tells them at dinner over their plates. They don't leave until Sanji decides to go work at Baratie when he's a teen and then joins the straw hat crew. Life goes on. Everyone thinks Sanji's an orphan still since he doesn't talk about his parents. His parents read the paper.

When Perona appears Sora confirms it's not her pink haired daughter but she'll take another. And then look! Zoro's here, Sanji's nakama and the kid Mihawk almost killed, how charming. Zoro's really confused because Mihawk in the castle is different from the master training him and he's a lot softer and kind towards Sora. Sora asks them both about their adventures in pirating and such.

Zoro asks point blank if she's Sanji's mom and she laughs and mentions how that's so Sanji to not talk about them and Mihawk mentions how smart that is because otherwise oops, they're either down a son or Mihawk's bounty is unfrozen. Sora jokes that need two more to make up for the other two she has and Mihawk tells her that they cannot keep collecting kids.

Zoro is absolutely gonna kick Sanji's ass.

That's a whole-ass fix right there, damn! I actually love any au where Sora doesn't die, I don't wanna see her go ngl hahaha ':)

And I genuinely think she can melt almost anyone's heart. But have you thought about the Sanji repressions??? He's already canonically bitchy but now he'll have all the sass from Mihawk as well????? I think that'd be absolutely hilarious!

Plus that would mean that Mihawk was going to the Baratie to check in on his son, that's so cute omg :') And that could also be an excuse for why he didn't kill Sanji's "new friend" during his fight with Zoro.

Also why do I feel like Mihawk would try his damned best to make Sanji call him father instead of dad and Sanji would do it just to spite him.

Sanji: thanks for uh... you know... not killing my new crewmates

Mihawk: I guess it couldn't be helped

Sanji: Whatever, bye dad

Mihawk absolutely not having the heart to correct him at this point:... yeah.

Also Sora adopting Perona during ts makes me so happy. She would brush and braid her hair thinking if she'll ever have the chance to do it with her biological daughter. So that only makes her want to savour every moment with Perona while she can. And I think Perona would love Sora as well, she loves cute and pretty things so they'd make a great dynamic just absolutely driving Mihawk up the wall by redecorating... or as he calls it "ruining the aesthetic" or his castle.

Also... for the haha's: Sanji knowing way yoo much about swords would confused the hell out of Zoro. Not to mention that once Zoro finds out about his connection to Mihawk, I feel like he'd want to fight him even more than he already does. Bonus if Sanji is actually a really skilled swordman.

[sevicia]

My mom's started to notice how obedient I am to my sister and it's humiliating. "Why do you let her speak to you like that? You always listen to her instead of me" it's obvious now because that day they thought I was dying I only moved once my sister yelled at me, and I barely remember any of it.

It's humiliating because it's a reflex. It's not like I don't have my own will, it's not like it's weak, it's just that I can't go against her without feeling like I'll be punished for throwing a tantrum. That feeling overrides everything else.

I have no idea what I'd do if my mom ever asked me directly about it, because I know she'd blame her. I guess it started because of her, but that means they'd start fighting like crazy again and my sister would start feeling like our parents don't care about her again. Maybe telling my mom would help me feel better somehow, maybe it'd help start fixing things even though it seems impossible, but the possibility of both her and our dad turning against my sister is more than enough for me to avoid talking about it as much as possible.

There's also the fact that everyone's just gonna call me a coward and a pushover for never being able to stand up to her. I guess that's true, but it's still awful to think about being seen for what I am in such an explicit way.

Frustrating because I know for a fact it's my fault I still feel like this today. I mean, I'm better than I was 1 or 2 years ago, back then I agreed with everything she said and hid anything I thought might make her dislike me because I felt like the scum of the earth every time she got annoyed or called me stupid. I couldn't help bawling my eyes out, which I've never been able to do properly since we've always shared a room, I'm always quiet. I really wish I could just cry like a kid even just once, but I don't think I'll ever be able to.

It's my fault that I'm still like this because changing is on me. It's something no one else can ever do for me, but I'm so deep in it I know I'll die like this. I know other people have had way worse relationships with their siblings when they were kids, and they're nowhere near this level of messed up about it. I don't think "I didn't have it THAT bad" is a valid excuse, but I do think I should've gotten over it already. I just never noticed how sensitive I was because I've always had to be so quiet.

I hate that I'm like this because of something I should've gotten over by now. I hate that I can't tell anyone, but most of all I hate that I can't say it to her face because I love her so much. She's cried while telling me about how sorry she is and how guilty she feels for messing up my childhood like that, so I tell her it's okay. I don't feel okay about it, but I can't ever blame her for any of it since we were both kids. She doesn't know just how much it's affected me, whatever effect she thinks she had on me is not nearly comparable to how I've felt my whole life.

I tell her it's fine. What else am I gonna tell her? I've seen her cry out of guilt. I couldn't live with myself if I ever made her cry like that again. I resent her so much, I can't help it. It's so ugly. I have these moments where I wish she'd just die, that she'd just disappear from my life and my head one day, then I'd be free to act on my own, but thinking that way just makes me hate myself even more. It's just so disgusting, I can't stand it.

I'm going to die feeling like this. It will never leave me. I can't let it go, I don't know what'd happen if I tried. I don't want her to ever worry about anything. The way people treat her sometimes makes me sick. The way she talks to me most of the time makes me wanna vomit.

She loves me, I don't doubt this for a second. If she ever found out I feel like this, she'd call me an idiot for not telling her sooner. I can't stand the thought of that. I hate it when people do that, I don't understand it and I doubt I ever will. I don't understand why it's so important that I report on what I'm feeling whenever someone wants to "help" me, based on their own metrics. It doesn't do any good. If I said any of this out loud, I'd just start crying and make it look like it's the most horrible thing to ever happen to anyone, I just don't see the point. It achieves nothing. Feeling better is not guaranteed, and even if it was it would still amount to nothing.

I hate crying because it just feels so pathetic. I don't think it makes me weak or anything like that, it's just embarrassing to act so dramatic, especially when I'm known to never cry unless it's from laughing or watching a movie or a show or something like that. It's shallow, but I'm also aware of how much more repulsive I look when I cry. I looked in the mirror once while I cried, and the disgust made me stop, wash my face and go back to being a normal person immediately. It was different to how my stomach usually drops when I see my face. It felt like something was actually wrong with my body.

[folklore-barnes]

10 thoughts | 49ers vs Buccaneers

Might post this after every 49ers game going forward, but we'll see.

Honestly, this is the most cardiac arrest worthy game I've seen of the 49ers in a while. It was a hell of a ride and I hated it, but I'm getting ready for the next one as we speak 'cause I don't play about my boys. There are a lot of things I thought as the game was happening and after it, and I wanna share some of them. I'm gonna try and make this as short as possible, so let's get to it.

1. Jake Moody needs to go

I kept repeating this to myself after the game was over. He did awful yesterday, so awful I didn't even wanna see his face on my screen and was ready to look away when they set him up for the last FG of the game. It didn't help that Jake was really not that good in his rookie year, so in my mind I kept going back to that, and just thought “they need to leave this kid in Tampa, along with Brian Schneider”. But, after calming down and giving it some thought, I think that it's important to take into consideration that he just got back from an injury. Yes, year 1 was bad, but in year 2 he has only missed 1 FG in 8 games. He was doing pretty darn good up until yesterday.

Some people believe that kickers aren't mean to be developed; you're not supposed to have too much patience with them, and I agree. But this time around, I will show him mercy because he has been great this year, with the exception of yesterday. If he does go, I'll get it, but if he doesn't, I'll also understand. I am still shaken by his missed FGs, and those are unacceptable, but I can also applaud him for barely making it in the end. Both things can be true.

2. Redzone bs

This team used to be so good in the redzone, especially with CMC, but even before him they were good. Idk what's going on, but it needs to be fixed, stat. I heard someone on the Domonique Foxworth podcast say that their redzone issues could be because they have not had their offensive weapons playing weekly and consistently; there's always a key player from the offense missing every week or almost every week, so it makes it harder to scheme when you're constantly missing players. I feel like that makes sense, it gives me some sense of relief because otherwise, I'd be pretty worried. I don't know much about scheming and playcalling, I won't pretend I do, so when it comes to that topic I'm always relying on what others say, and seeing people say so many negative things just had me constantly wondering what the hell is going on, but I guess that explanation makes some sense.

3. Hire an Offensive Coordinator

Like I said, not an expert by any means, but Kyle Shanahan doesn't look like the offensive genius we've seen for the past few years. People love to say he's washed and call for his head, which I think it's funny when people say “fire Kyle Shanahan”, and I just think... fire him from what position exactly? 'Cause he has three. Where exactly is he failing? 'Cause I know it's not all of them.

I've theorized for a while that he's got too much on his plate, and he needs to let someone else in and help him out on the OC position. I understand if he doesn't 'cause the two times the 49ers went to the Super Bowl, he was the OC (de facto), so he's probably thinking he doesn't need one. But the greatest coaches all have OCs, so maybe it's time he gets one too, maybe that'll fire things up a bit. Idk, we'll see.

4. I don't trust this team to win it all, but I trust this team to win it all

They've looked pretty awful honestly. After yesterday the little bit of faith I had is on the verge of disappearing. I need them to wrap this up by next week 'cause I don't think I can handle being on the verge of another heart attack. This clusterfuck of a team doesn't look like they're gonna figure it out anytime, yet I still think they'll figure out by next week. Bro, I hate it here.

5. Fire Brian Schneider

I get it, let's stick to the plan, but no, I don't get it. I know the 49ers are not big on midseason firings, but I think he should be fired.

6. Nick Sorensen

When you've seen the greatness of men like Robert Saleh and DeMeco Ryans, you can't bring yourself to be patient with coordinators like Nick Sorensen. So... tik tok, do something. You got 30 minutes.

7. My approach towards this team has changed

Despite the fact that I am begging them to get it together by next week, I'm not expecting them to look like they have the past few years. I'm expecting them to play awful every game and still win and in some cases lose. The team is all over the place right now and frankly, all I can do is laugh at the mess.

8. Brock played well, despite what some folks may say

He was giving Purdappolo for a bit there, let's be real. This guy handled all this pressure way better in year 1 and 2, something is going on inside that pretty little head of him and I hope and pray it is fixed. But he had some wonderful throws, and he is responsible for that game winning drive. I don't care much about the almost INTs, they never happened, he did pretty good despite it.

I can't help but notice y'all hold him to a different standard than other qb's and it's a little messed up.

9. The fight

Was a bad look, honestly, I think you should protect your teammates at all costs, but I understand both sides. You put yourself in Deebo's position, he was really frustrated and told Moody to lock in. I think he could've said something else like “hey, man, you got this”, but I also understand why he was upset and why he felt like he couldn't control himself. Often times we forget they are humans just like us, and humans snap and feel emotions, sometimes to the point where they can't be managed in a way that will benefit everyone else. Do I wish he had said something more encouraging? Yes, but technically there's nothing wrong with the words “lock in”. I also think throwing hands was unnecessary, and the worst part of it all because you're in front of a national audience but Deebo's words were directed towards Jake not Taybor, he had “no business” getting into it.

However, I also understand Taybor getting upset because he's trying to look out for Moody, he probably saw Moody's frustration firsthand, because let's remember, he just came off of an injury and I'm pretty sure he wants to get those FGs as much as anyone. A kicker's mental state is something you don't mess with and that's why Shanahan didn't say anything to Moody until after the game. So that's why I wish Deebo's words were a little more positive.

These guys are used to protecting each other but with moments like this, in the heat, getting hit constantly and relying on your kicker to lift y'all up and seeing it's not happening when he literally has ONE job, it's frustrating and it can make the desire to “protect one another” disappear for just a bit. So I understand where both sides are coming from, hopefully they get past this.

10. Being mad at Shanahan for his speech after the game is BS

Idc if you're mad at Moody, I will forever applaud Kyle for what he did. He knew Moody was probably feeling like shit and gave him props for the game winning FG. “It wasn't right down the middle”, we know, he stretched it a bit, but the point still stands. You think Moody was happy and feeling himself? I'm almost sure he wasn't, and giving him that game ball was Sports Psychology 101 at its finest. You may think he didn't deserve it 'cause he missed 3 FGs but he also happened to make the game winning one, even if barely. Me personally I would've given it to Ricky or Brock, but I'm a firm believer this was done to cheer Moody up and give him some confidence back 'cause he most likely lacking and that's probably why he missed. So stop being dense, no wonder y'all aren't NFL coaches.

[waterforlorn]

day six. october 12th.

been driving most of the day, i think nico's happy about it. he seems... i dunno, i think he doesn't like driving much. he feels restless after a while like he'd rather be ANYWHERE else than driving the car right then. told him i don't mind driving at all and he let me take over. well, i had to promise i'd drive wherever he said, which... sounds to me like he's got more stuff planned. i need to get away to like.. do something or pick something up, don't i?

BUT HOW?

nico's on my ass 24/7. maybe when he picks up food next time. hm. maybe that's my window of opportunity. i'll think on it. it's like evening now, we're back on the interstate, in iowa. we could've made it to camp jupiter days ago, but ... i think that's just like... the endgame target location. i'm starting to think that like... he's not planning to get back to camp for a while... longer than i anticipated and i'm not sure how to feel about it.

they ...need us, don't they? i mean sure they can handle themselves, but what if something happens while we're away and it takes someone ...well, someone good from us? what if we come back and find out we could've saved someone we care about? i mean i know i only got a select few i'd die for in camp, but i know nico cares about quite a bunch of the kids. i don't really. not in the same way at least.

now that i think about it... hm. holli, obviously. not even sure how she managed to weasel her way into my heart head, but i got the feeling she ain't gonna leave it like.. ever again. i know kit's important to nico, which... yep, same for me. grey's been through enough. i feel like.. if i ever decided to have a kid.. they would've been a little like grey. wild, untamed, a little killer. fucking steadfast. although i guess my kid wouldn't have been, they'd never have to see the same shit i did growing up. then again.. i would've likely messed them up just as badly, which only make me agree with past me. NO KIDS FOR ME.

i'd not wanna see a child deal with the same rage i did if it's truly genetic, which i mean.. nobody's ever been able to say cause RAMON ramon couldn't fuck off for even just for a day. therapy and meds can only fix a kid when there's hope. but the rage never went away, so.. maybe i was just born with it and it's been made worse by this. no fricken idea. it doesn't matter anyway. unless scientists find themselves with the biggest fucking breakthrough in the history of breakthroughs i'm not gonna have a kid. pedriod.

and that's okay. let the rojas bloodline die out. sadly it won't stop ramon from making more little monsters to spew hate at the world. some days i wonder if he'd have been the same way if i was his, but i don't think he would've been. the fact i wasn't just .. gave him the justification he needed to feel like he was doing the right thing. both him and victoria can rot in hell for all i care. they always say a child loves its parents .. no matter how cruel they are. guess i'm truly broken, cause when i think of victoria... i feel nothing. anger, maybe. disappointment. but not even enough to go see her.

i know they're both alive still. fucking miracle nobody's taken ramon's head yet. i just ... don't care enough. i could go back home and feed them both a bit of their medicine, but what's the point? what's done is done and while i know i'd fucking LOVE feeling ramon's bones break under my fists... what would it get me? he wouldn't get it and compared to him... i'm not into inflicting pain upon others weaker than me. i'm no coward.

there's something in iowa nico wants me to see. well, he said experience. we'll see i guess. not SURE. but not today. we've checked into some weird-ass motel not long ago. the looks we got for just wanting ONE bed. hah. i wouldn't be surprised to find the receptionist barging in and throwing his bible at us while we're fucking. i never really cared about the WHERE, or someone watching. i know nico does, though, so i'm gonna behave tonight.

JUST TONIGHT THO

[tolerateit]

Put this down as the fastest this government has agreed on anything. It only took a day, and they agreed to change the laws to get off easy despite cancer patients dying from the shit they've been pulling. It's basically a two party system but both parties are two sides of the same coin, so they gotta protect each other at the expense of the rest of the country and its citizens.

Anyway, I'm so so so sick of this and all the other updates I've shared with you so I'm just gonna say it, this is MK. In a European shithole that's been trying to join the EU for like two decades now. Funny, right? The EU has laws and regulations and shit like this will (hopefully?) not fly. I think changing this law might be the last straw, so they can make the last necessary changes to the constitution next year after elections and we can finally join. Hundreds of thousands have been migrating away in the last decade because it's such a shithole. The moment we join, this place will pretty much empty out and honestly, it's what these politicians deserve. Not to have anyone even picking up their shit. Literally. Should hopefully happen in a few more years although at this rate, everyone might leave even before then.

TO THINK I used to dream about working in politics and diplomacy and fixing this country up! And pursuing world fucking peace?! You know what I had back then? The audacity lmao

I grew up and realized I don't wanna ass kiss any one of these rotten walnuts for brains to do anything in life, and I certainly don't want to take part in their various criminal activities (which are mandatory if you do join, and joining is mandatory to get pretty much any job here. Or even open up your own business, because they'll find a way to shut you down if you don't help them out in whatever way they see fit).

Like, can you even grasp that I only have digestive issues with the dairy products here, but I'm perfectly fine whenever I consume any of them outside of the country? I certainly can't, like what's the difference? what are they putting in it here that's making me ill? God knows what's in the rest of the food at this point.

I made a meme a few years ago, we had our own situation of a model on stage saying the country's name in a funny way like that girl did with France. I saved a screenshot of it and captioned it with the name and everything because it was funny. I've now been using it as a reaction pic on a daily basis. Any time anyone tells me anything negative, I'm like, you know what, yes that sucks, but you know what else? That's just how things are here and nothing and no one can change them, and then show them the meme. At least it gets a smile in any shitty situation.

I was wondering why it's this specific event that's triggered me so much and I found out after hearing the news about the law. My husband's been having health issues all year. It took over 30 doctors and exams and god knows what else just to get an official diagnosis. A bunch of devices for exams haven't been working for months, all across the country no less, so you gotta pay out of pocket at a private clinic that has a working one. All this because most of the good doctors have already left. And you also gotta pay out of pocket at those private clinics to talk to doctors now too, because if there are any good ones left, they're working there because it's less stressful and operates better post covid. And pays a bit more, but mostly it functions better. Thank god we've been able to afford it (freelance ftw!) There were three good ones in that process: the one that recommended the last one, an unrelated one that said your issues aren't from this organ, you can be 100% sure of that, and that last one that gave the diagnosis. And we know it's correct because I haven't seen a single complaint about that doctor on any forum. I don't think all the others we went to really even have brains, someone must have finished their schools for them given what they said and recommended. And I know that much with my degree in English. But imagine being so horrible that you literally let patients die so you can make more money?! When most of them are already poor so they resort to selling everything they own just for the chance to spend more time with their loved ones?! And you're already in one of the highest paid fields here?! On top of everything, people can't even speak up or out about it because corruption and politics run so deep they immediately threaten job loss for you and your family too. I wanna set this place on [redacted] and watch the aftermath calmly as they did to a makeshift covid hospital a couple of years ago. And I mean that literally. That's a whole other story where "no one is at fault" because they can play it that way.

God I hope this is the last time I send you one of these. But I already read some superficial reports earlier today of new fucked up issues being uncovered so I guess no dice. I hope someone protects the journalists, if this keeps going on they'll have it worse because evidence shows these politicians aren't above literal murder to get their way.

sorry for clogging up your ask box with all this, and as I always appreciate you for listening <3

you don't have to apologize at all, it is of course infuriating that these things continue to happen all across the world but it is so important that people stay angry about them! And talk about them!!! Health especially is such an important domain to navigate because it puts SO MANY lives at risk I hate that this is happening

[snwusberry]

pairing: san x reader

genre: angst (i think...)

warning(s): toxic relationship, suggestive themes, language

note: this is not written to glorify or romanticize toxic relationships nor do i associate this character with san in any way.

THIS IS FICTION SO THE PERSONALITY OF THE CHARACTER WILL NOT MIRROR THAT OF THE ACTUAL PERSON.

reader's pov

fucked up is one way do describe what's going on. my friend even said i lost my damn mind and i agree but whats the fun in being cautious anyway? i mean sure my emotions are just messed up now but its too late to change anything now so what's the point?

"you did not just schedule a d*ck appointment in my presence. i just know you didn't." my friend, claire, comments loudly as she was munching on some nasty ass sweet potato fries.

"no i didn't you moron. we're just going to talk." i answered her makimg her give me a judgemental look before scoffing.

she knows. we both do.

"sweetie, your little talks always end up in fights then you somehow end up in each other's bed. can't you see that man is a walking red flag?"

that's one thing she's not right about. san isn't the big bad wolf my friends and family paint him as. he's sweet, mindful, caring. when we're together, we both just bring out the worst in each other.

"don't you have your own problems to handle with blaise?" i asked her trying to shift the topic onto her and her own bad decisions. all i hear is the sound of the leaves on the trees rustling in the soft wind. "you see? you have no space to talk."

"yeah, yeah okay. but don't come to me crying again." she sulks in her seat and continues eating.

"look. i've gotta go now. i'll see you later okay?"

"be careful, okay."

i nod and stand up to leave.

i take my keys and drive to the place i've sworn so many times not to go to, yet i always find myself at the same place each time.

i knock on the door and wait a while. i hear footsteps approach and the door opens revealing the one and only choi san. i sigh and look at him, try to gather myself and my words.

i've rehearsed what i wanted to say on my way here and i'm determined to tell him exactly what i want to. but then again, how many times has this happened? i should know its no use.

"can i come in?" i ask and he says nothing. he just moves aside fo me to enter.

i walk in and sit down as he closes the door. he comes and sits down on the sofa opposite the one i'm on but he doesn't say anything.

its radio silence. the only sound coming from the radio softly playing music. i look at the table where he has his laptop set up with a few papers messily put next to it.

i remember back to when he would have late nights chasing deadlines and i'd be there with him with my own assignments to complete.

although we'd both have our own wrok to do, we'd still goof around and be each other's company. i miss those days.

"are you not gonna say anything?" i asked him, not daring to look at him.

"what do you want me to say?" he asked, leaning back in the sofa.

"you invited me here. i thought you had something to tell me."

"i do. its just... i don't know..."

"then let me say something." i tell him and he looks at me. i immediately freeze up.

he really doesn't know the power he holds does he?

"i wanna go back to the old us."

i wanna punch myself in the face. that's not what i came here to say.

"you know thats impossible right? we've done too much damage, theres no way to fix this." he states bluntly. maybe a little too blunt.

"how would you know?"

"y/n how wouldn't i? everyone can see it, it's about time you open your eyes to see it too."

i can already feel the tears threatening to spill. i know all this already, i was just never ready to accept it, i guess now is the time.

i look down, shutting my eyes in attempt to regain my composure.

"i see it. i see it a little too clearly but why not try?"

"because we're too far gone! yes we still love each other but it's damaged and there's no amount of fixing that can be done to get it back to how it once was!" he tells me, raising his voice.

i hate it. i hate it so much how he's gone from only speaking to me in such a soft voice, never even attempting to raise his voice at me, to that being one of the only ways he talks to me.

"you're right." i take a breath, wiping the tears that have fallen. "it is tainted. i want all this to end. i dont want us to keep hurting each other like this. i really do want it to end but that would mean we'd have to end this relationship and i don't want to let it go. i don't wanna lose you."

this is far from where i wanted this to go. i'm not supposed to be be crying, i was supposed to end it and i was supposed to me out that door with my remaining dignity yet that's not the case.

hell, is it ever?

"that's the thing. i don't wanna lose you either. i love you more than anything but everytime we try to speak we just end up fighting. it's taken a toll on us. it's not healthy."

"it's not like I want us to fight." i mumble, lowering my head.

"I don't want us to either but you just get on my nerves sometimes." he reveals, getting closer to me. my breath catches in my throat and i look up at him. my teary eyes meeting his troubled ones. "don't look at me like that. you do it on purpose don't you?" he sat right next to me.

not this again. anything but this. it's not too late. i can still stop this. i just need to say the word.

"admit it baby." he softly speaks, taking my hand in his. his hand enveloping mine perfectly.

i look at our connected hands and sigh, letting more tears fall. i can't do it.

"i love it when we misbehave."

"you're so fucked up." he said to me. his face dangerously close to mine.

he's too close now. i can't back out when he looks at me like that.

"we both are."

"and you say we can fix this when this is how you think?" he said with a sick smile on his face.

i should hate this, but i can't.

"why are you making seem like i'm the only one who feels this way?" i finally get a grip and move away, taking my hand out of his hold and i stand up. san, i need to leave."

i grab my keys and make my way to the door. before i can even reach tor the handle, he speaks up

"you'll be back tonight anyway." he said walking me out. "it was nice talking to you."

i say nothing and walk to my car not looking back.

i get in my car and look at the door where hes standing witg an unreadable expression.

not this time choi san.

once i get home, i see claire already there, watching my wife and kids.

"what are you doing here?" i ask and she turns to me.

"you know i don't have disney plus. so im here. hey can you refill my soda?"

"no."

i go to my room to get into more comfortable clothes, wiping my makeup off before walking back to the living room.

"i'm assuming you finally made the right decision seeing you didn't take long." she breaks the silence and her words take me back to what could've been.

"yeah. i have to put myself first."

"i'm proud of you."

i smile at ger and stand up to get myself a drink when claire walks into the kitchen.

"look, something came up and i gotta run. don't continue watching without me alright?"

i nod and she runs off. now i'm left alone with my thoughts. bad combo.

"you do it on purpose, don't you?"

his closeness, the look in his eyes, his voice. i need to get it out of my head.

i can't be alone, i'll make another bad decision.

i pick up my phone and dial my sister's number.

"hello?"

"tanya, can i come over?" i ask her

"uhhh... sure."

"okay, thanks. i'll see you later."

i hang up and get my stuff to leave. i get in my car and drive down the falimiar roads.

once i arrive, i walk to the front door and knock, waiting for the door to open.

"i told you you'd come back. come inside."

i sigh, walking into the house.

[valeskakingdom]

Sneaky Pete (part39)

“Where are Andy and Scarlet?" You heard Fish Mooney yell through their residence. She has heard about the made attempt on people's lives. She wasn't amused about that at all, that was not her plan! She planned to rebuild her empire and gain more people - and not start to harm people!

"They're upstairs, I guess," You heard Sid say "Probably fucking according to the noises" It was true, they were fucking, and that was not very silent.

Ever since they started these assassins, Andy and Scarlet were full of joy, satisfaction, even happiness, and especially lechery. Whenever they saw people screaming, crying, panicking, or even bleeding it aroused them both more than watching some usual porn or else. They both were full of lust and they couldn't hold it back - and they didn't even want to hold this amazing feeling back. They started at that place where certain actions happened by making out, teasing, and penetrating each other at its worst to then let it all out in bed at home. They didn't care whether the others would hear them, oh no, they wanted to be heard. Sometimes they exaggerated certain things to be extra loud.

Instead of an answer, you heard aggressive footsteps, storing upstairs to both love birdies.

It was almost scary how fast and aggressively Fish was stomping. You could feel her rage literally; when you just looked at her you saw this fire in her dark eyes that would love to destroy the whole area - and she wouldn't hold back a single thing.

"Andy! Scarlet!" Fish slammed the door open when she caught Andy eating Scarlet out "What the-... Oh, you're busy?!"

"Obviously," Scarlet groaned, rolling her eyes in annoyance. Fish was such a mood killer, especially now "Just leave it be, Andy. Someone's just killed the mood" She tapped on his head, signaling him to stop, and pushed him slightly away from her "I assume you wanna talk about some certain things?"

"Oh, hi Fish," Andy panted with a slight chuckle and wiped Scarlet's juices from his mouth "What's up?"

"I'll tell you what's up! You make attempts on people's lives without telling a single thing! This was not the plan! What were you thinking?! We had a deal, Andy! We're not here to spread fear and terror!" Fish yelled angrily.

"I think we've got some other plans, Fish," Scarlet smirked, facing her "See, your plans of rebuilding your empire seemed a little boring. We wanted more. And how do you get more?"

"By breaking the rules and making plans" Andy grinned wide "Why should we miss all the fun we could have for some boring plans, we don't profit from anyway?"

"You stay silent! You've got what you wanted and now you take the responsibility for the mess she has made!" Fish kept yelling, she knew it was all Scarlet's fault. She changed Andy's mind with her weird thoughts and visions. She was manipulative, she was brainwashing him until he'd agree with her, and she used the advantage of him loving her for her good. She knew how to seduce him, to drive him nuts with all the teasing - and of course, it worked.

"What mess?" Scarlet chuckled devilishly "I thought I give him a little upgrade, you know. He indeed became a talented boy after his little therapy session in Arkham. The only thing that was lacking was his provident thinking, which luckily I have taught him" Scarlet grabbed Andy's chin, pulled him to her, and kissed him "You should thank me for that Fish. I fixed a little problem"

"You didn't fix a problem, you caused one!" Fish didn't find the right words so upset she was. She'd love to yell more and more things at her but what should she start with?

"Is that so?" Scarlet frowned "Let's figure it out. Andy is your coworker with a problem. I recognized this problem and fixed it. You should be proud of me. I made him a better worker. The things he does autonomously, that's not my problem. I'll just try to support him and lead him on the right way"

"Your way never was the right way, Scarlet" Fish grumbled "Your way is manipulative an-..."

"But your way is the right one?" Scarlet scoffed "I think your way is pretty much the same as mine, maybe a little less violent. But see, we both follow the same target"

"I don't manipulate people for one's good. I created them, and I helped them. I gave them a new home, I gave them food, I gave them water to drink, I allowed them to be themselves, and they thanked me for it! And you? No, you trample on it as if it was nothing! You don't even appreciate all the work I've done for you, no you are like a baby without a feeling of satiety" Fish huffed.

"Hm," Scarlet acted like she was thinking "But I remember that I've never asked for all this. I remember that you've agreed to Andy's idea of kidnapping me and letting me rot in a little cell in the cellar. And then you expect me to obey? That's a little overcharged, don't you think?"

She then got up from the bed to get dressed. She knew what was coming next now. Fish would want to keep arguing and it would end up like this: either Scarlet would be brought back into the cell to rot, or she needed to apologize and needed to accept to be a simple worker instead of an authority - and this was ineligible. So, she had a better idea. Instead of becoming punished, she will punish Fish. She wouldn't kill Andy or her coworkers or burn the residence down - that would have no real effect on her. No, Scarlet would go far further. She would try to hit one of Fish's weakest spots - and she knew how.

"What are you doing, babe?" Andy frowned confused when he watched Scarlet dressing up. It seemed like she was about to leave. But would she leave? Just because of an angry Fish Mooney? That wouldn't fit with her. She's got a too-big narcissistic streak to do that.

"I'm doing the next step, what else do you think?" Scarlet pulled her pants up shortly before she walked up to Fish "I wanna make you an offer, my love" Now Fish was listening, but at the same time, she knew she couldn't trust Scarlet at all. She was playing with her mind again. But what was it this time?

"I know what I've done caused many problems in your little head and I know the eventual consequences, so I'll offer you that I'll leave," She paused.

"What?!" Andy couldn't believe what he has heard. She would leave? Without him? She would leave him alone with Fish? After all the things they've done together?

"Hear me out," Scarlet smiled as she saw Fish looking a little skeptical "See, I noticed this team-working stuff is not my thing. I'm a leader, I need to go my way instead of adapting it for others. But," She then deeply eyes Fish "Disturbing me in some business is not acceptable. And since I'm in a little revenge mood according to the shitty start with us, I thought about this: I will leave and will make you feel as horrible as I felt when I was trapped downstairs"

"You'll fail it," Fish hissed with gritted teeth "You know nothing about me that would harm me in any way"

"Is that so?" Scarlet chuckled "A little bird told me I can. I know myself it wouldn't hurt you if I killed Marv, Sid, or even Andy. I also know that it doesn't hurt you that I'm leaving. What hurt you though, will be the news that comes up when I'll tell everyone I killed our pretty major Oswald Cobblepot"

When Fish heard that, she was shocked. Sure Oswald and she had their difficulties but she still loves him like her own son since she created him how he now was. Seeing or knowing that somebody would hurt him - would tear her heart in two just like Scarlet wanted.

"According to your reaction and your shocked gaze, I'd say it works," Scarlet grinned devilishly "Time for me to make things true, right?" She grabbed all her equipment from the little table that stood in the room, winked at Andy and Fish one last time, and exited the room. Of course, she wouldn't kill Oswald. He was still her friend. She would tell him the things she has experienced like that Andy played with the thought of killing Oswald to call Scarlet his own. And so, she would politely ask him to help her kill Andy. It would be a little pity for her since Andy was a perfect coworker, but killing a good friend? Nah.

"Scarlet, wait!" Andy hurried to take his clothes on and ran after her. He didn't want her to leave at all, she should stay with him! She belonged to him! She and he were meant to be "I come with you! I'll help you!"

"This time I prefer to go alone on this little trip" Scarlet turned to Andy who gave her a confused and maybe a little shocked look. What does that mean she wants to go alone?!

"What?! But-..." Andy couldn't even find the right words "You can't leave! You need to stay! You need to stay with me! There's so much we have to do together!"

"This is your world, Andy, not mine. You can stay there and work for her, but this is only your destiny. My destiny sees me as a loner who's feared by every single person in this goddamn town. I'm not here to work with anybody," She stepped to him and cupped his cheek "But if your little heart wants me to be with you, go out in this town and find me. I'm not far away"

"No," Andy gave her a blank look, grabbing her wrist tight, and pulled her close to him "We're meant to be! See, Jerome died since he's not destined to be your little lover. It's me! And this means you stay with me!"

"You're not destined to be my lover, Andy" Scarlet chuckled bitterly "You're just a little boy toy for me, like a little puppy that's running after me as if it couldn't live without me." She tore her hand away from his "I don't belong to anyone"

"You do! Why else would destiny bring us together again? We are the Bonnie and Clyde of Gotham!" He grabbed her throat to signal his enormous dominance over her, but instead of seeing a feared and scared look, he saw a maniacal smile on her face - and not only that. She even dared to squeeze his throat with her tiny hand grip to loosen his grip from her throat - and it worked.

"I'm truly surprised by your possessiveness over me, darling," Scarlet hissed through her gritted teeth "Sadly I need to tell you, I'm better off alone. I can't use ticks like you" She had to get rid of him anyhow, she needed to be alone when she headed to Oswald. She mustn't have a witness she didn't kill Oswald at all.

"That's not the end, bitch! I'll find you!" Andy grumbled almost aggressively "And then I'll take you back with me"

"Oh, we play a little game! Fine with me," Scarlet smirked, loosening her grip from his throat as well "But for that, you need to find me" Then she started to walk away from him "Now back off!"

***

"I hope you're not out," Scarlet sighed when she pressed the doorbell on Oswald's house. She was out of breath, so she formally ran to him as fast as possible. She needed to speak to him right now. She had to tell him all the stuff that happened, especially that Andy was now his biggest danger.

Then suddenly the door opened - it was Oswald, luckily. He was dressed up in a black tuxedo and wore some pretty expensive shoes, you could assume. He eventually dressed up for something.

"Scarlet?" He frowned in surprise, it's been a long time for them, and especially after their little dispute, he expected it to be over between them "Wow, uhm... You were the last person I expected to see. It's been a while isn't it?"

"Indeed, but I needed to see you," Scarlet looked around to make sure no one was following or observing her for the moment "May I come in?"

"Scarlet, I'm invited to an important meeting in a few minutes. I-.."

"It's for your safety. I don't care whether you listen to me or not" Scarlet stated with a serious tone "And time is running so can I come in or not?"

"It's funny to hear that from you," Oswald let her inside his residence "You know, the last time you dwelled in here I was afraid you wanted to kill me and now you warn me for my safety"

"Things have changed," Scarlet sighed, facing him "You're the mayor of Gotham now. The most important member of Gotham's community, as the ultimate target for people like Andy and me. The fact you've been annoying me with your paranoia attacks could give me a reason to kill you, but since I know it's just the peak of an iceberg of your upcoming problems I will yield and forgive you."

"What do you mean by upcoming problems?" Oswald furrowed his broad irritated while taking a seat on the big table that was placed in the room.

"Well, ever since I've been living with Fish and Andy I've found out some things that might interest you," Scarlet took a seat next to him "Fish isn't the one you need to be scared of, it's Andy, as I've told you. I found out he's become pretty obsessed with me after he did this strange therapy in Arkham. He tried to copy Jerome in the hope that I'd become attached to him, as well"

"I figured he's caught some feeling for you in Arkham," Oswald said "He's been pretty protective over you from one moment to another"

"I know," Scarlet scratched her head "On the day I left, I talked to him to make sure he was fine but it turned out he tricked me. He kidnapped me on the street with some men and brought me to Fish's residence where I lived in the cellar for several days or weeks. And there I found out why. He kept me in this little cell to get this feeling of me being his priority. I should be his little toy to play with, I should be the one that always stayed with him"

"He's almost equal to Jerome as far as I can remember him,” Oswald commented.

“He's not,” Scarlet faced him “He tries to be a cheap copy of him. He tries to act like him and tries to do the things Jerome did. But it's not the same. It's not satisfying, it's annoying. The only thing they may have in common is this almost vicious possessiveness toward me. And that's why Andy wants to you”

“W-what?” Oswald asked shocked and quite irritated “I-I don't understand, what do I have to do with you? I mean, we do not liaise or-..."

"That's not the point. Andy sees you as a rival because you're the only that could keep me away from him. You're the thorn in his side,” Scarlet said “And of course, he needs to erase this little thorn”

This made Oswald think. How would he stay save from him? He could wait for him anywhere in Gotham, and he knew Scarlet wouldn't be there for him. She would probably stay hidden in any dark lane where no one would look for her. And Ed, he had no time for saving Oswald since he was on cloud nine. He had just time for his new lover. His other men were too weak to defeat Andy definitely, so Oswald couldn't count on them.

“I know you worry about your safety,” Scarlet coughed slightly “I would too if I were you. Andy turned into a strong and not to be underestimated psychopath. He's capable of anything”

“And what do you suggest we do now?” Oswald asked a little worried “I-I mean, I can't just for him to attack me and then try to stab him”

“But I can. I just need you as a little distraction,” Scarlet smirked “See, you keep on doing the stuff you do and I will watch you a little - like a little bodyguard, you know. I will wait for the moment when Andy and his men try to attack you and then I'll knock them out”

“Scarlet, with due respect but I don't think you can take it up with several mutants and him. You need help” Oswald sighed. He knew Scarlet was capable of many things but not of everything. With this, she needed help somehow “At least some of my men could watch me, too, and help you a little out”

“Don't underestimate me, my friend,” Scarlet grinned “I know a way to eradicate them all”

[blueeyedgeorgie]

Wide Awake-Dream Was Taken

A/N: Here’s Pt. 2 bitches. I hope you all enjoy ! Also, please go support and follow @notphilosopherstudentblog​ because she helped me out with this because she’s so intelligent. <3

Btw Title is based off Katy Perry��s song Wide Awake

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 3.5k+

_________

It was early. Too early for Y/n to be crying. But her she was, sitting in bed, clinging to one of Clay's old shirts. In the past, it was normal for her to steal a couple of his belongings. It was typical of Y/n to invite herself into his closet, taking whatever she wanted to wear, whenever she wanted. But now it just felt wrong.

There were only a few items left Y/n had that were his. She never washed this shirt, she had only worn it once. She could still remember the day she stole it.

"Y/n, you've got to be kidding," Clay turned in his desk chair. She had just walked out of his closet wearing an oversized grey t-shirt. "You're seriously going to leave me with five pieces of clothing."

She shot him a playful look, taking a moment to admire herself in the nearest mirror. "I'm sorry Mr. 15 million subscribers. You can always buy more clothes with all that money."

"Fine... it looks better on you anyway."

She had spent the rest of the day in his shirt. And by the end of the day, the scent of his laundry detergent was strong. For an odd reason, the t-shirt had spent weeks in the back of Y/n's closet, untouched. At least, until this morning.

All night she was toss and turning. It seemed impossible for her to get a moment of sleep, her mind had been racing. The only reason she wasn't able to sleep was because of one person; Clay. Their fight had played over and over again in her mind.

'But Y/n, I really do love you.'

There were so many different ways the night could've ended. But it was her fault it ended how it did. If only she hadn't asked for him to step out of the stupid restaurant with her. She didn't need to make a scene, but she still did. This was all her fault.

The sound of her phone buzzing had pulled Y/n away from the piece of fabric in her hands. Looking down at her nightstand, she glanced at the electronic. Wilbur was calling. With a sigh, hesitantly she reached for the phone.

"Hey, Y/n."

"Morning, Wilbur."

The brunette bit his lip at the sound of her voice. He could tell she had a rough night. "Are you doing alright?"

"I'm..." she paused, looking down at the shirt in her lap. "Yeah, I'm doing better."

"That's good to hear," For some odd reason, he was pacing. It wasn't normal for him to pace back and forth. He was already dressed for the day, wearing a set of brown pants with a creme button-up shirt. A pair of glasses rested on his face as he spoke. "George and I were hoping to go get some breakfast. Do you think you could show us somewhere good?"

"Yeah, I'm up for breakfast. What about Nick and Clay?" If Clay was coming, she didn't know what she'd do. There would be tension, but maybe she could find a way to patch everything up between them.

"Nick's going over to Clay's. They wanna have a bit of time together."

"Oh, okay... when do you guys wanna meet up?"

"Maybe 30 minutes to an hour?"

"An hour it is."

Before preparing to go out, Y/n had texted Wilbur a location point to meet up. It was a nice restaurant located in town, it had always been one of her favorite places to eat. George and Wilbur had gotten a table outside, it was nice out for a day in Flordia.

"Do you think she's gonna do it?"

Wilbur glanced across the table to George, "Honestly, probably not." He let out a sigh, " hope she agrees. I really do. But it's gonna be hard for her to let go. I just think it'd be better if they got some time away from each other."

"You're right. As good of friends they are, they need a break from each other." They both knew it wasn't a good idea for Y/n to stay in Flordia at the moment, she needed a moment away from Clay. So Wilbur had come up with an idea to get Y/n to take a break.

"What do you think of Elise?" Changing the subject, George leaned back in his chair. It was rare for Clay's girlfriend to come up in conversation. She seemed like such a touchy subject in the group. She was definitely a sweetheart, but it seemed like she appeared out of nowhere. The group had been planning future Dream SMP roleplay on a Discord call. It had been so brief when Clay mentioned her. 'Hey guys, I just wanted to mention I started dating somebody.' It was smart of George to hold his tongue because of what else Clay had to say. 'Her name is Elise and she's 19.'

Most of the group had expected Clay and Y/n to end up together. They were best friends who lived in the same town. There was constant flirting going on between them. And not to mention Y/n had always been there to support Clay through the bad and good.

"Hey, guys!"

Both of the British men were pulled out of their thoughts by the sound of her voice. Y/n was quick to take a seat by Wilbur. "Have we ordered yet?"

"No actually, we've been waiting for you." George fixed his posture, his classic grin appeared on his face. "Got any recommendations for drinks?"

"My go-to has to be a mimosa and the eggs benedict."

The knock came as a surprise, but there were a lot of surprises happening this morning. Clay had woken up earlier than usual. Naturally, he'd get up around 9 or 10, but today he woke at 7. He couldn't go to bed for a few more hours, his mind wouldn't quit racing with thoughts. He had ended up skipping breakfast, he wasn't hungry today. It was normal for him to eat something, he always woke up starved. The early knock was the cherry on top of the cake of the surprises happening today.

"Hey Nick, what are you doing here?" Clay glanced behind his friend, looking for any sign of the rest of his friends. Originally, they had planned to meet up later that afternoon at his place. "I thought you were coming by at noon?"

Nick stood on the porch, burying his hands into the pockets of his jeans. It was early in the morning, yet it was already warm outside. "Yeah, sorry I didn't ask if I could come by earlier. I just wanted some time alone with you."

"Cool, make yourself at home," Stepping aside, the blonde opened the door a bit wider for his friend. "Sorry it's a bit messy, I was planning to clean up before you guys showed up."

The pair had made their way to Clay's living room. It was nice, but still a bit messy just as he said. As the blonde began to pick up after himself, the pair had a bit of small banter.

"Is Elise gonna come by this afternoon?" Nick watched as Clay picked up a couple of items sitting on the coffee table.

"Uh, no. I think she had work today."

"Oh, what about Y/n?"

Clay tensed, pausing for a second. She had been on his mind a lot since the last time he saw her. The way she looked at him... it hurt. It felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest. This morning she was all he could think of. He missed her good morning texts, the way she'd update him about little situations happening in her schedule, when she would randomly face time him just to say: 'I wanted to see your stupid face because I missed it.'

"I... she's not coming."

"Why's that?"

"You know why, Nick." Clay let out a sigh, taking a seat on the couch. He didn't know what he could do, he was the one who messed everything up. If he tried to apologize, he might even piss Y/n off even more. She had always been a hardass about being hurt or betrayed, it was hard for her to give people a second chance. "I don't even think she knows we're all planning to meet up later today."

"Dude... it's weird seeing you two like this. It feels wrong." The two friends looked at one another, it seemed like Nick could tell exactly what Clay was thinking. 'It is wrong.'

"I miss her. But I was also the one who fucked everything up by ignoring her for weeks."

"Why'd you even do that?"

"Because I fell in love with her. I was scared she didn't feel the same. So I distanced myself and looked for someone to start a relationship with.  That's why I met Elise."

"Clay... you're an idiot."

"I know."

Turning, Wilbur looked at Y/n. She was halfway finished with her meal. Everything was going great, she seemed so happy just to be able to talk with two friends. It seemed like the best time to spring the idea on her.

"Hey, Y/n?"

"Yes, Wilbur?"

He bit his lip, glancing at the man sitting on the other side of the table. George gave a brief nod, knowing what was going to happen next. "George and I had an idea we'd like to share with you."

"What is it?"

"You know how you've been talking about how you've always wanted to visit us in London?"

"Yeah..."

Wilbur paused, looking back at George for a second. "Well, we were thinking... I have a free room in my place. Why don't you spend one of two months with me just to see how you like London?"

Y/n's face lit up. "That sounds great, Wilbur. I... wow. That sounds so fun!" She paused, her smile disappeared. "But what about my house? I can't just abandon it for a month."

Wilbur bit his lip, 'Shit.'

"Clay can stop by once a week, just to make sure everything's fine. I'm positive he'll do it for you," George was quick to jump into the conversation. As soon as he mentioned Clay, Wilbur shot him a look. Y/n tensed at the sound of his name.

"Listen Y/n, you don't have to do it. Just keep the idea in mind, you can give me an answer before George and I leave."

"Okay..." Y/n bit her lip, looking at her food. She knew the only right answer was yes, but it was going to be hard to talk to Clay about this. "I think... I think I wanna do this. I wanna go with you guys."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, but... just give me some time to think it over."

"We're always here for you, Y/n. No pressure." Wilbur placed a hand on Y/n's. He wanted her to come to London, everything would be better. He cared a lot about Y/n, he really did. He just wanted to see her happy.

"I just want her to be happy," Clay let out a sigh, opening the refrigerator door. His eyes skimmed over what there was, he had gone grocery shopping the other day to plan for today. He still wasn't hungry.

"Everything's gonna get-" Nick paused, he was interrupted by the sound of Clay's phone ringing. There was a moment of silence as the blonde closed the refrigerator, approaching his phone on the kitchen counter.

"It's Y/n."

"What?"

"Do I pick it up?" Clay glanced at his friend.

"yes, yes, yes! Do it!"

Clay was quick to pick up the phone, putting it to his ear. "Hello?"

"Hey, Clay."

"Hey, Y/n."

"Do you..." she paused, "Do you have a moment to talk?"

"Yeah, I can talk." Clay leaned against the counter, listening to her intently. It had only been a few days, but he missed her voice. He could tell she was down.

"I know this seems like the wrong time to be asking for favors and everything, considering everything that has happened this last week. But... I need your help with something." She paused again. He could tell she was hesitating, as though something was keeping her back. "I think I'm gonna be gone for a while. And I just need someone to check up with my house every couple of days. Could you do that? It's fine if you don't want to, it was a stupid idea of me to ask you anyways-"

"No, yeah. Of course, I'll check up on your house for you, Y/n." He was quick to cut her off. The last thing he wanted was for her to think she couldn't turn to him for help anymore. "And it's not stupid of you to ask me. I'll always be here if you need something or need help."

She scoffed, "You weren't there for me these past few weeks." She stopped herself again for the third time. "I'm sorry, that was really bitchy of me."

"I deserved it," he could only chuckle. Y/n was still herself. "But yeah, is there anything else you need... or want to talk about?"

"I... no. No, that's it. I guess I'll talk to you... eventually."

"Alright," Clay fought back the urge to let out a disappointed sigh. "I'll see you." Without saying goodbye, she hung up the phone. He didn't know what to expect next, he wasn't even sure whether this was a step in the right direction or not.

Staring at the box, Y/n felt herself tear up for the hundredth time this week. This was going to be a hard task to complete, but it was going to help her let go.

Walking around the house, Y/n picked up item by item. Anything that belonged to Clay was going in the box.  A few t-shirts, a couple of CDs she stole, one of his coffee cups. Y/n wasn't even sure how the cup had gotten to her house, but she knew it belonged to Clay. All of her coffee cups matched, all the same color and shape. But... this one cup had shown up in her pantry one day. Every time Clay had spent the night, he'd start the morning off with a cup of coffee, only using that cup.

At this point, Y/n was picking up items that held too strong memories of him. The box had quickly filled, it felt strange. It seemed like she had just lost a chunk of her house. Of her life. This needed to happen. This was the only way they'd be able to keep their friendship.

Y/n had agreed to come to London with Wilbur, she was finally fully on board. Two suitcases sat by her front door as she waited for Wilbur and George to arrive. She would only be in Florida for a few more hours, she needed to give this box back to him. Maybe she could just say screw it, leave it here under her bed, hidden away. So when she'd return she'd be comforted by his shirts and hoodies, she'd listen to his songs and cry.

No. She couldn't do that. If she did that she wouldn't be letting go of everything. Y/n needed closure, it'd be the best for them both and she knew it. Pulling her out of her thoughts, Y/n heard a knock on her door. It was time.

"Morning, Y/n."

"Morning, Wilbur." Y/n smiled, embracing her friend in a hug as soon as she opened the door.

"George is in the car. We got coffee too." Wilbur looked down at her, his arms still wrapped around her waist, holding her close. "You're positive you want to do this?"

"Yes, I need to."

"Alright, then. I'll support you with whatever decision you make." He finally stepped aside, moving to grab her suitcases. Y/n grabbed the box, she had moved it into the hallway before greeting Wilbur. With one more glance, she looked down her hallway before closing the door. As soon as her home was locked up, Y/n had dropped her keys into the box. This was going to be the final step before London. Giving it all back.

George and Y/n greeted each other, Y/n giving him a quick hug before entering the car. The rest of the time, the car ride was quiet. There was obviously going to be tension. On their way, Y/n kept thinking to herself about what she was going to say. What if she fucked it all up? What if they broke out into another fight?

"Here we are."

Y/n sucked in a breath, looking over at the familiar house. This was the final step.

"Y/n, do you need either of us to walk up with you?" Wilbur spoke, he noticed the way she looked at the house.

She shook her head. "No, I got this..." Stepping out of the car, there were only a few words she'd repeat to herself. 'This is the final step. This is the final step. This is the final step.' It felt like it took forever for her to reach his porch.

As soon as she was face to face with the wooden door, she was quick to hit the doorbell. She just wanted to get this over with, fast. A few moments passed, and just as she reached to hit the doorbell again, she stepped back. The door was opening.

"Y/n?" Clay yawned, his hair was a mess. It was obvious she had just woken him up. "What are you-"

"It's time for me to go now. I'm sorry for waking you up. Here are my keys and a few of your items in case you wanted them while I was-"

"Woah, woah, woah." He interrupted her, rubbing his eyes. "Slow down, you're talking fast. You're leaving? Right now?"

"I..." she sighed. "Yeah, I am."

"And this..." he looked down at the box in her hands. "They're all mine?"

"Yeah, that's kinda the whole point." She gave him a look, "Considering the box says your name."

"Alright... thank you," he nodded, carefully picking the box up from her. "How long are you gonna be gone?"

"I'm not sure. I just know I have to go."

"Why?"

"Because of us, Clay. It'd be better for both of us. We need time apart. We have so much going on in each other's lives. I just need a break."

He watched her, she looked close to tears. Without thinking, Clay pulled his friend into his embrace, holding her close. "I understand. Take as much time as you need. I'll be here."

"Thank you."

The hug was short, Y/n was the first to pull away. As soon as it was over, she muttered a quick goodbye, hurrying back to the car. When the car door shut, Wilbur was quick to jump to asking questions.

"Are you okay? Do you need anything? You're completely sure you want to do this?"

"I'm fine, Wilbur."

"Alright, I just wanted to check." Wilbur paused, looking out the window. "Y/n, would you mind if George and I said our goodbyes to Clay?"

"Go ahead, I'm not the boss of you."

Sitting in the car alone, Y/n got a moment to catch her breath and stop the tears from forming. She did it. She completed the final step. She could do whatever she wanted now. The moment alone in the car felt short, George and Wilbur were back in the car in what felt like seconds. Only, Wilbur sat in the back with Y/n, George driving by himself.

"You ready, Y/n?"

"More than anything." Y/n looked at Wilbur, the way he smiled at her just felt... good. Looking down, she noticed Wilbur gently grabbing her hand in his. She smiled, things were going to start getting good for her, she knew it.

"Wow okay, now I just feel like a driver for you two." George shot a dirty look in the mirror.

"A bad driver," Y/n grinned at her friend. "Start moving, Mr. colorblind." "If I get a ticket for running a red light, I'm blaming you."

With a yawn, Y/n opened her eyes. She had another good night of sleep, it had been weeks since she had a bad night of sleep. For eight months, she had lived in London. At this point, her house in Flordia was sold to a family of three, and she was no longer flatmates with Wilbur. Instead, she was his girlfriend.

Turning over, she faced the beautiful brunette. He was still asleep. She owed him everything. She was now an influencer because of him, he had helped her set up her YouTube channel and introduced her to the fans. He thought it'd be a good job for her, considering how she was a social butterfly and carry conversations.

Clay and Y/n didn't interact as much as they use to. They'd interact on the Dream SMP and over social media. But it was rare for them to speak in private. The only way their relationship got better was by them distancing themselves. What was a beautiful friendship had turned into an acquaintanceship. Clay was still dating Elise, but it seemed like things weren't going the best and there were signs of him planning to break up with her soon.

Wilbur peeked an eye open, looking at his girlfriend. "Morning, Y/n."

"Morning, Wilbur."

Y/n smiled, she knew she was right. Everything got better for her. After all, When the rain ends, there will always be a rainbow.

[rogue-durin-16]

AN UNUSUAL YEAR (Part IV/V)

Summary: After having little to no interest on girls for five years, Fred suddenly feels the need to nag the shit out of a certain witch, completely oblivious to the reason behind it.

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Slytherin!Reader

Genre: fluff (+ enemies to lovers)

Taglist:

An unusual year: @natural-hearts @manuosorioh @lumos-solemn @westyywifee @whiskeyn-rain @warlock--protection @gossip-girl-ecr @fandomscombine @birdy944 @28cnn

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog

Warnings: none

A/N: BOI IS THIS LOOONG. I knew this part would get a bit out of hand since I wanted to write all of this in the same chapter but still damn. Anyway, enjoy <3

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part V

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

Here's a variety of Yule Ball outfits for y'all 👀:

Outfit 1 outfit 2 outfit 3 outfit 4 outfit 5

"You sure you don't wanna come to the ball?" I asked Mathilda, climbing down the dormitories' stairs.

"No, I'd rather stay..." Her mouth opened in agape when she saw me. "You look... Wow."

"Why, thank you." I replied, walking towards my best friend with a smile. "I'll probably be here before 10:00 pm." I assured her, squeezing her shoulders. "And we can gossip a bit."

"Already looking forward to it." Mathilda patted my hand with a chuckle. "Have fun, will you?"

I nodded and waved her goodbye before leaving the common room.

"Bloody hell, Y/l/n!" George, who as promised, had been waiting for me at the entrance of the dungeons, shamelessly though harmlessly, checked me out. "You clean up nice, huh?"

"Of course I do." I walked to meet him at his spot. "You don't look so bad yourself, Weasley." With his chin up and a proud smile, he offered me his arm, which I gladly took, and we headed off to the Great Hall.

A fairly big crowd had formed at the doors, mostly conformed by people who were waiting for their partner slash group, and some not-so-subtle gossips.

While I intended to go straight into the Hall, George tugged me away from the shortest path, claiming that he wanted to 'have an overall view'.

I reckoned he had something else in mind when we passed by Fred and Angelina, both immersed in their conversation until my friend caught a glimpse of us.

"Damn Y/n!" I held back George, who was playing dumb for some reason, and made my way to the couple. "You look SO good, doesn't she, Fred?" She nudged her partner, giving him a knowing grin.

"I guess you look nice." His nonchalant reply was accompanied with a shrug.

"She looks breathtaking, actually." George's correction left me staring at him speechless. "Just like Angelina."

Oh well. "Yeah" I agreed, clinging onto my partner's forearm, finally getting a vague idea of what was going on —not quite there yet, though. "Angelina, love, you look astonishing, right George?"

"Right." I could see my friend's cheeks reddening ever so slightly whilst making eye contact with George.

"Shall we go in?" I suggested, already heading to the gates.

FRED'S P.O.V

'Breathtaking' was the exact word I was thinking about when Angelina asked me about Y/n, and George knew it.

The girls probably didn't catch how my jaw dropped when I saw her, but my brother did.

He knew it.

"Go with her, yeah?" I requested to Angelina, gesturing at Y/n and at the Great Hall simultaneously. "George, can I have a word with you?"

He nodded and whispered "Go on, ladies." before walking to me. "What is it, Freddie?"

"What's your game?"

"I think I don't follow." The fact that he had the nerve to speak that blantant lie angered me more than I would ever admit.

"Why is she your date?"

"Why is she not your date?" He retorted, triggering a gasp from me, followed by a scoff. "You're not only completely oblivious, you're also a coward."

"Beg your pardon?" Was the only thing I could bring myself to say; I blamed the shock caused by my brother's nonsense.

"AND you stole my date." Oh, so this was about Angelina. "Now if you excuse me," he patted my back a couple times. "I'll go dance all night with MY absolutely breathtaking date."

"Have fun with Slytherin girl, Georgie." I replied, sprinting to reach him. "I'll go dance with our beautiful Angelina."

"Tosser." I could hear him say as I jogged into the Hall to reach the girls.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

READER'S P. O. V.

George probably wasn't the best dancer, but he clearly knew some moves, and made me want to stay on the dancefloor for a good couple of hours, having a great time.

That's one of the reasons why I decided to help him out.

"Oi!" He leaned on and I stood on my tiptoes, holding onto his forearms so I could speak directly into his ear. "Wanna dance with Angelina?"

"Maybe" He slightly pulled away and both our gazes spotted the girl, dancing madly with Fred. "Yeah! Yeah I do!" He shouted so I could hear him over the music, now that we were apart.

"Alright, come!" I tugged his hand and together we narrowed the already short distance between them and us.

The timing was perfect, almost as if it was meant to be like that; the moment we reached them a slow song started to play.

"Angelina, may I steal your date for a dance?" I requested, not waiting for Angelina's nod before letting go of George and tugging Fred's hand. "You can have mine." I spared my friend a teasing smile and a wink while I pulled her date away from George and her.

"Stealing me away, huh?" Once we were far enough, I spun around and held up one of his hands, his left one falling on my waist and my right one on his shoulder. "Eager to be near me again, Y/l/n?"

"So I'm not 'Slytherin girl' anymore?" I raised my eyebrows at him with a smirk on my face as we swayed.

"You heard that?" All from sudden he turned somehow self-conscious.

"This may come as a shock to you," I peeked over his shoulder to check on George and Angelina. "but you two are quite loud."

"I didn't mean it." His word had way more regret than necessary for something as stupid as what he was sort of apologizing for.

"I know." My eyes returned to his just in time for him to made me twirl and pulling me back to him, this time a bit closer than we were before. "Asking Angelina out was a shitty move." I pointed out.

"You won't believe me," he began, "But I completely forgot." I snorted. "I swear!" His eyes widened and both our mouths twisted into an amused smile. "She was near me when Ron asked me who I'd be taking, and I didn't think twice."

A soft, genuine laugh escaped my lips; one which made the boy in front of me smile.

"Is he pissed?"

"Earlier? Very. Now?" I gestured behind Fred, urging him to look at his twin brother, now kissing Angelina. "I don't think so, no."

This time it was his laugh that made a smile tug the corners of my mouth.

"You do look breathtaking." He spoke quietly, almost in a whisper. "Dunno why I didn't tell you earlier."

"Because you're a twit." He chuckled, shaking his head with his eyes fixed on our feet. "You look very handsome, though."

"I am very handsome." He corrected me, looking at me again, now with that damn smug face.

Out of every possible comeback, I chose the one that he expected the least. "Yes, you are." His cheeks turned mildly red and his grin fluttered; I counted it as a win.

"You're beautiful." He returned the compliment, after a moment of silence, to which I responded with a confident 'I know'. "So cocky."

"That makes the two of us." I pointed out.

Silence fell among us again. Comfortable silence, though, one that I could get used to.

Another twirl, another pull to stand even closer.

A small lean was enough for my head to rest against his chest. I blamed tiredness for the need to do that, but I didn't find anything to blame for the way his heart was pounding against his chest, nor for that strange feeling in my stomach.

As soon as he took a deep breath, we both eased into each other's arms, giving up the tension that our bodies had held.

We stayed like that for a while, until I looked around and realized most people had left, George and Angelina included; the dancefloor was now almost empty.

"I don't know what time is it," I spoke, letting my fingertips trace random patterns over his shoulder, dancing down to his chest.

"Me neither" he spoke, making me sway.

"I reckon this is the longest we've been together without jumping down each other's throats." I observed. "And it's probably the longest—"

My words died when, without any kind of warning, his lips landed on mines.

His right hand unconsciously gripped mine for an instant with such force, almost as if it was holding onto it for dear life.

Before I could even think about kissing him back, he retreated back to his previous position, offering me a smile I couldn't decipher accompanied by a wink that made him look relaxed an confident.

All façade, I thought to my self, as he said nothing —no teasing, no cracking jokes; he just kept slowdancing, his hands now more loose, seeming like he was prepared for me to run away; his gaze was also casted down and his cheeks flushing.

I would have teased him if it wasn't for the way I felt my own face burning.

I did let go of his hold, and he subtly stepped back, lowering his arms.

Just like me, he didn't have time to react when I pulled him down, cupping his cheeks for a proper kiss, which he returned instantly.

I felt both his hands on my hips as he leaned on, drawing me against him as close as he possibly could, while my hands left his cheeks to circle his neck.

All of a sudden I remembered that I needed to breath; I broke away, leading my hands to his shoulders, where I could feel how heavy his breathing was.

"What's just happened?" I mumbled, my eyes fluttering open to look into his.

"Dunno." He confessed. "Did you like it?"

"Very much." I replied instinctively, not bothering on thinking it through.

"Wicked." He muttered against my lips before going in for the third kiss, this one more heated.

With a hand on his chest i slightly pushed him away, scanning the place around us before asking, "Wanna go for a walk around the castle?"

"Please." His response was so immediate that we both had to chuckle at it.

"Wicked." I mocked, earning a playful push from him. I my fingers interlaced with his and I led the way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

FRED'S P. O. V.

"Shhh!" I playfully shushed Y/n's giggles, loosely hugging her from behind with my lips pecking her shoulder as we went downstairs in the direction of her House. "You don't want us to get caught, do you?" I let go of her waist just when we found ourselves halfway through the corridor.

"Merlin's beard—" Y/n, who had turned to face me, widened her eyes at the sight of me under the dim lights of the dungeons. "You're a mess." She whispered between quiet laughs, raising her hands up to my face to try and remove some of the lipstick stains she had left all over me.

"Don't you dare laugh, woman." I feigned pain, only making her giggle more. "You made a mess out of me."

She held my chin and moved my face from side to side, checking if she had made it any better. "What am I supposed to do with your neck?" She huffed.

"Place a couple more kisses there?" I suggested with a smirk, fixing her hair as best as I could. "Or a bite, you choose."

"I'm serious." Her thumb gently rubbed the side of my neck, sending shivers down my spine.

"Let them there for people to see." I was joking. My tone was playful. I didn't really mean it.

It was just a joke, right?

Her hands slid down my chest before leaving my body. "I'd rather not to." She replied absent-minded, making me realize that maybe I wasn't joking; maybe I wanted people to see— to know.

She didn't, though.

"Hey, everything's alright?" She questioned, concern making its way to her face when her eyes found mines.

"Of course." I replied— no, I lied. I lied to her and to myself. "Just tired."

"No wonder why." She laughed at her own innuendo, but the only thing she got out of me was an unenthusiastic half smile. "I'm gonna head back now." She added, probably sensing something wasn't right. "Get some sleep."

"I'll go have a shower." I informed her, stepping back in the stairs' direction without breaking eye contact.

"See you in a couple of hours." She responded, mirroring my moves, but towards her common room.

I nodded briefly before heading up to my own House, craving a cold shower to shake her voice off my mind and detach her touch and kisses from my skin.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Eighty-Seven

Words: 4.5k

Warning(s): explicit language, sexual situations, drug abuse, violence

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NIKKI

"Nikki, what the hell are you doing?" Vivian asks me as we walk down the stairs of the law firm. 

"I've broken every fuckin' vow except 'till death do us part' and I'll be fucked to hell if we stuck it out and stayed with each other after the worst bullshit just to fucking divorce." I state and she stays quiet for a moment before I'm stumbling back when she halts and snatches away from me, glaring up at me. 

"What if I want a divorce?" She asks. 

"I'd tell you you're full of shit." I snap and she raises a brow and crosses her arms. 

"Then what the hell was the point of hounding me for a divorce just to do this?!" She barks at me. 

"To prove a point I guess, I don't fucking know." I admit. 

"To prove a point?! What point were you trying to prove?! That even when we're not together you still have the control in the relationship?!" She yells.

"I don't have any fucking control in this relationship, are you fucking me?! I haven't had any control since day fucking one, Vivian!" 

"Are you fucking serious?!" She screams at me, frustration all over her face. "You have always had control, Nikki, trust me, I know, I'm the one that had to lay down and take your bullshit and give up what I wanted to do just so you'd feel in control!"

"I told you to go to fucking New York to go to school, did I not? What the hell did you do? You stayed! You can't get pissed at me for not giving you what you supposedly think I promised you!" 

"No, Nikki, I'm not pissed at you for not giving me what you promised--I'm pissed because you've given me years of fucked up shit that was never supposed to even be a part of the plan!" She has tears in her eyes, her voice shaking…

She's right. I'm not going to tell her she's wrong…

I sigh and rub the back of my neck, exhaling, as she wipes her eyes. 

"...Look, me and the guys are going to a different rehab, and I'll actually stick with it, and I want to work this out." I tell her, honestly. "I just don't know how to come back from the shit we've done to each other, Viv, but if we can figure out how, then I wanna do it." 

She doesn't say anything, looking at me with her pretty green eyes, nodding slightly. 

I didn't realize that once we agreed to work on our marriage, that all hell would break loose in the midst of repairing the damage. 

Me and the guys, except Mick, were sent to another rehab because the first one was too obnoxious, and by the second one, we were actually getting somewhere with each other as a band and individually, including the people closest to us in our lives. For me, that was Vivian.

My leg can't stop shaking as I repeatedly tap my foot, waiting for my counselor to get in and meet Vivian for the first time.

I exhale and glance at her, her red hair curled, reaching just over her boobs, long legs taken up by black stockings that have lace trim mid-thigh, just peeking out from under her black dress, black heels tapping quietly on the floor, her dark red nails standing out against the cover of the shitty crossword she's flipping through. Her perfume has the whole little area she's in smelling good and her red lips rub together for a moment as she doesn't even notice me staring at her. 

It's a Saturday and I'm assuming she's going out with Sharise or something when she leaves here, or she dressed like this to torture me, knowing I haven't had sex in nearly two months, starting in Japan back in December, and my right hand is my best friend currently. 

My fucking balls hurt as she shifts her legs, uncrossing them to cross them the opposite, now. 

If it were up to me they'd be wide open and either around my hips or my head. 

I keep my hand pressed to my lips, resting my elbow on the arm of the chair, focused on her.

I slide down in my chair a little to try to see what kind of panties she's wearing--if she's wearing any at all. 

It wouldn't surprise me if she's not wearing any at all. Just to fuck with my head like she loves to do. 

"Take a picture and it'll last longer." She tells me flatly, not taking her eyes off the book. 

"I would if I had a camera." I don't even deny staring at her and she flicks her gaze to me. "Or a video camera. That'd be better." I add. 

"Ha. Ha." She sarcastically lets out and I smirk, watching her get up to grab her purse from the empty chair adjacent to me, leaning down to dig through it. 

It takes everything in my power not to get behind her, bend her over it, slide her panties to the side and start poun--

"We're here to start the process of fixing things between us and you're here only focused on sex." She states and I snap out of it. 

"No, I'm not." I argue, furrowing my brows. 

"Nikki, I know when you're picturing having sex with me." 

"I'm always picturing having sex with you." I state. "And you know exactly what you're doing." 

The faintest, smallest little grin comes to her lips as she goes to sit down again. 

"I don't know what you're talking about." She mumbles and I look at her. 

"You're cruel." I mumble and she rolls her eyes. 

"Oh, whatever." She replies. 

"You look hot." 

"Shut up." 

"We can be done in ten seconds." I say next and she goes red. 

"Stop, Nikki!" She scolds me.

"C'mon, Viv, we've never fucked on a desk before." I point out. 

"We've broken into Doc's office just to mess around on his desk, Nikki." She reminds me. 

"Well, we've never fucked on a therapist's desk, so c'mon, it'll be quick."

"I--" she starts laughing, not believing me, "--am not having sex in a rehab facility. I'm not that horny." 

"So you admit you are horny to some degree, though." I say and she rolls her eyes. 

"Shut up."

"Just flash me or something." 

"Nikki."

"Please?"

"You're so weird." She ignores my request while I'm pinching the bridge of my nose. 

"I'm in pain, Vivian." I say next, groaning, exaggerating. 

"Sounds like a personal problem." 

"Fuck." I lean my head back, rubbing my face. 

The door opens and my counselor comes in, smiling at us. 

"Sorry, I'm late." She says, stepping to Vivian, extending her hand. "I have heard lots about you, I'm Amber." 

"Vivian. It's nice to meet you." Vivian replies, smiling her shiny smile that should win her an Oscar because she wears it so well even when she's fucking miserable--I obviously know from experience. 

Amber sits behind her desk as Vivian sits back down in the chair, and she looks up from her paperwork at us, raising her brows. 

"If we're going to start this grueling process, I highly suggest you two get comfortable being within three feet of each other, again." She adds.

Me and Vivian exchange looks, before she sighs and stands up, walking to the little couch I'm sitting on, plopping down beside me. 

I smirk to myself, looking at her from the side of my eye. 

"Okay, let's just get to it, Vivian, I've gotten a brief history of your husband, and I feel as though I can sort of, kind of, pin point a thing or two that has lead to the point that you two are at currently, but I'd really like to learn a little bit about you because all that's portrayed publicly to all of us is he's this nitty gritty, abrasive rock God, and you're the angel that tamed him to settle down." She explains and Vivian scoffs, raising her brows. "I know it sounds ridiculous but that's what's given in magazines and pictures taken of you two." 

"Yeah." Vivian nods. 

"And I don't think that's true, I don't think everything is happy and sunshine and, 'oh, we're opposites but that's what we love about each other,' and blah, blah, or else neither of you would be here admitting your marriage is in shambles...so, becoming familiar with Nikki--sober--the way that I have the past week gives me a sense of who he really is without the drugs and the cameras and the fans and the girls, because in here he's only got himself. He doesn't have to upkeep the persona he puts on to make it seem like everything's perfect. And, although you aren't a patient here, I really want you to allow yourself to just be and differentiate between who you are to the public, and who you are privately, because--from what I've heard--they're two completely different people." She says next and Vivian nods. "So, who is Vivian Kinston and how did she get together with Nikki Sixx?" She offers a warm smile and Vivian exhales, already looking overwhelmed…"In three descriptions, who were you when you met Nikki?" 

"A very religious, ballet dancing, perfectionist." Vivian says and Amber nods. 

"Let's dissect that and break it down for a moment." She says next. "Okay, religious--was that on your own or passed through your family or…?"

"Both of my parents, but mainly my mom." She replies and Amber nods. 

"Okay, and what is mom like?" 

"Very strict Christian, we couldn't have anything secular in the house...I'm not sure what she's like now but when I last saw her she had the pastor I grew up with trying to exorcise a demon from me because she found out I was engaged to Nikki." She tells her and Amber's brows shoot up. 

"When was that?" 

"'82, '83, around that time." Vivian explains. 

"So you haven't seen mom in close to six years." 

"Yeah." 

"Okay...you were a ballet dancer when you met," she starts the next point. 

"Yes."

"For how long?"

"Since I can remember." Vivian informs her. 

"So, a strict Christian upbringing, and a very, very, intricate form of dance that requires a lot of discipline, since you were probably a toddler." 

"Yeah." 

"And is that where the perfectionism comes in, through your background with dance?"

"No." 

"No, okay."

"My mom and my upbringing." Vivian explains. "Anytime I did something my mom didn't like or approve of or thought other people would lose their minds over if they knew I was doing it, she'd get onto me and would constantly drill into my head, 'this is not what we do, Vivian'." 

"Wow." Amber nods, her brows slightly furrowed. "So, it doesn't come from a place of that physical drive to be perfect at most things you do, it comes from a mental and emotional drive of not wanting people to know what skeletons are in the closet that would make them think less of you." 

Vivian nods, taking a deep breath. 

"Okay, and do you think that sense of perfectionism from your mother has helped you or harmed you in the long run?" 

"Harmed." She's saying it nearly before Amber can get her words out of her mouth. 

"And why is that?" 

"Because I grew up with her holding me to a nearly unreachable standard, and hounding unrealistic expectations onto me." 

"And in turn…"

"...It's made me do the same to him." Vivian says and I stare at the floor. 

"What unrealistic expectations, or unreachable standard have you held him to?" 

"Not doing the things that he's done." She says next. 

"What things?" 

"Infidelity and drug and alcohol addiction." 

"Why is expecting your husband not to cheat on you or put drugs and alcohol before you an unrealistic expectation that is unattainable for him?" Amber asks next and I rub my lips together. 

"Because of who he is and what he does." Vivian says next and Amber raises her brows. 

"So you think because he's Nikki Sixx--big time rockstar--that it's not realistic to expect him to do what he is supposed to do as your husband which is stay faithful and not put substances before you?" 

"Yes." 

"Oh, I see." Amber looks at me and I sigh. "Was your relationship ever open or polygamous, during or prior to marriage?" 

"No." She shakes her head. 

"Was he addicted to anything when you got married?"

"He did drugs and drank but at that point in time he didn't have a heavy reliance on it, no."

"An unrealistic expectation would be you telling him he can sleep with other women but then you getting angry every time he did. That's setting an unrealistic expectation of, 'I'm giving you permission to indulge in sex with other women but I expect you not to,' or him being addicted to heroin when you got married and you expecting him to drop any addiction he has solely based on the fact that you two got married. That's an unrealistic expectation. Him being a famous rock musician has nothing to do with his ability, or lack thereof, to be monogamous and sober." She explains to Vivian. "So you wanting your husband to not have an affair and not get strung out was not an unrealistic expectation that you had in a moment of naivety." She assures her.

"Okay." Vivian sounds like she's been waiting to hear that for a while…

"And I believe the issues you two are facing the most from both Nikki, and yourself, have grown from the root of how you two think. I know we hear the saying, 'opposites attract,' but we don't think about how sometimes when people are too opposite it acts like hot and cold air when it mixes and if it's in a big enough whirl, or big enough of a spectrum, it creates a tornado or a hurricane." She says next. "Religion equals a sense of morality, your history with ballet equipped you with a fair amount of discipline, and that perfectionism that you spoke on is your way of caring so much about what others think of you, you sacrifice yourself and just smile to keep things looking amazing on the outside."

Vivian nods. 

"I asked him to describe you in three words, and he said, 'beautiful, depressed, belligerent'." She tells her and I slowly see tears coming to Vivian's eyes. "Nikki admitted to me that when he met you, he had no sense of morality, he was doing whatever he wanted, when he wanted, he had no discipline in terms of controlling himself around drugs and women, and he couldn't give less of a care about what people thought of him." She explains. "And that might even been fun and exciting when you were just starting out but once you're married and he's gotten all these eyes on him suddenly, there are expectations put on the both of you to be this couple who has everything, and you're both attractive, and he's the bad boy and you're the good girl and you just fell in love is the only explanation you have for making the relationship work to the point of wanting to get married and you have a great house and matching cars and all this and all that and you're in the press smiling and laughing and holding hands and hugging up on each other and oh, it's a wonderful life, but as soon as you get alone…" she trails off, looking at the both of us knowingly. "He's high, you're suffering, and both of you are living a hell. But nobody can know that because you're Nikki and Vivian Sixx. You two are perfect because he doesn't cheat on you like other rockstars do to their wives and girlfriends. He doesn't put drugs and alcohol before you like so many others do to their girlfriends and their wives. He doesn't turn into this monster you don't recognize and lash out like a dog at you after a night of sitting in his closet and shooting up, because he 'loves' you, and you don't have to keep quiet for years while it just keeps adding up and adding up until finally you beat on your husband and those around you over minuet instances because the big things you were probably justified to get that angry over were swept under the rug and were never dealt with for years--because that's not what you do." She ties it right back to Vivian's mother. 

A tear rolls down Vivian's cheek, neither of us expecting it to be this heavy just during her introduction to Viv. 

"If we don't stop that mentality, it's going to poison every relationship around you that it hasn't already and when you have children it's going to be a curse on them just like it's a curse on you." She tells her, as Viv sniffles, trying to keep up with wiping her tears away. "I've already been on him about his upbringing burdening him, so please don't think this is a personal attack on you."

Viv nods, mouthing, "okay."

"You two want to make this relationship better and be better for one another, we are going to have to tear down six years worth of walls and blockades and gut this entire thing completely and start again. It's not going to be easy, you're probably going to learn things about each other you've been hiding and maybe even amicably decide to divorce before it's all over with, but you are both going to heal and start the process of forgiveness. With yourselves, with your parents, with your friends, and with each other."

She gives the both of us some homework...

"I want you two to prepare to tell each other everything you've not told one another for next time we meet." Amber tells us and the color drains from Viv's face, I know for a fucking fact that I don't look much different from her.

"What?" Vivian asks her.

"If we're healing this relationship we need everything in the dark in the light so we aren't building on an old foundation of secrets." She states. Vivian just nods hesitantly before we're dismissed.

"Vivian." I stop her out in the hall before she can leave, grabbing gently at her wrist.

"Yeah?" She asks me. 

"I love you." I tell her and she looks at me, smiling a little. 

"I'll see you Wednesday." She replies, squeezing my hand before she walks away. 

What the hell? I tell her and I love her and she just fucking says, "I'll see you Wednesday'?" 

I watch as she goes down the hall, heels clicking, hair down her back…

Goddamn. 

This is definitely my payback for taking my time with her for granted, because now that I'm in my right mind and not ruining our marriage, she barely even looks at me. 

At least she was actually wanting to work things out, because after the Vanity bullshit, I thought we'd never make it out after the first time I saw her since it had happened.

July 1987

I brace myself against the bathroom wall as my whole body goes numb for a moment, my eyes rolling momentarily. 

"Sixx, c'mon, we gotta get goin', Viv's here!" Fred yells from behind the door, his fist beating at it. 

Fuck him. Fuck this tour. Fuck this band. Fuck everything right now. 

Viv's just got here from the airport, she flew back in earlier this morning and I've been hiding, completely avoiding her, but I can't anymore. 

The media's in a frenzy since Vanity aired all of our dirty laundry, only making Viv and I both on edge even more. 

We've been denying the shit out of Vanity's engagement claims, but I don't think people are buying it as much as we'd like to think they are. 

I take in a breath and stumble to the mirror, looking at myself. 

Not too bad for a low down, dirty, bastard. 

Opening the bathroom door to see where Fred's waiting for me, I glance past his shoulder to see Vivian.

She looks like she feels like hell, but has managed to pull herself together. 

Makes two of us--well, kind of, at least. 

"C'mon, the guys are already at the venue." 

Fred tells me. 

"Great." I smirk, patting his shoulder, stepping to Vivian. 

I don't think either of us are taking into consideration the amount of utter bullshitting we're about to have to do. 

I also don't expect the amount of paparazzi waiting for us right outside the hotel's doors.

As soon as the door opens, screaming, flashes, invasive questions come hurtling our way. It feels closterphobic enough to make Vivian grab my hand, tight, curling closer into me as if trying to hide away from prying cameras and questions about my alleged affair.

I feel her being tugged at once, and just as she says, "Nikki," I'm snatching my hand from hers to beat repeatedly, as hard as I can, at the forearm of the perpetrator, a media creep trying to get her attention. 

"Don't fucking touch her!" I bark out over the noise and he stumbles back, holding at his arm as I put my arm around her waist, tightly, getting to the car. 

When we get inside, Vivian's obviously distraught over what just happened, shoving herself away from me. 

I turn my anger to Fred. 

"What the fuck is the point of  having fucking security if you're not going to keep people from touching her?" I sneer. 

"Because I'm a bodyguard, but you're a fucking Rottweiler." He states back without hesitation and I just roll my jaw, glancing at Vivian and she doesn't even look at me. 

I sigh and dig in my pocket for the little baggie I got earlier, grabbing my hotel room key to take a bump to help me wake up for this show, and when we get to the venue, I'm getting out of the car and waiting for Fred to get out. 

He does, and I stop Vivian, nudging her back inside before saying, "we'll be there in a second."

Fred just looks at me and exhales, rolling his eyes before stepping inside. 

Vivian sighs out as I look at her, avoiding looking at me…

"Vivian, are we gonna talk about it or…?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"I think we should."

"You proposed to her, Nikki."

"Allegedly." I add.

"You. Proposed. To. Her." She says it sharply and I lean back. "You had an affair with her. I trusted you. I trusted the both of you. And you lied to me." She hisses. "So, no, there is nothing to talk about...just let me out of the damn car." She slides over and opens the door but I reach over her and slam it shut.

She takes heavy breaths from where she's sitting, my body hovering over hers, the tips of our noses brushing together…

I lean down, my lips pressing to her's for just a second before she lets go of the fact I completely screwed her over. 

I'm about to pull away when she pushes her tongue past my lips, her nails running over my back through my shirt as her legs wrap around my hips, one of her hands in my knotted hair.

As always, I end up eating her like a starved pervert, relishing in the sounds of her moans and gasps. 

The truth is, she may hate me, but I'm good at getting her off and she knows it.

Once she comes and we start getting ourselves together to go inside, I look over at her. 

"So, are we good?" I ask her, oh, so fucking stupidly, and she blinks at me. 

"What?" 

"Are we good?" 

She catches on to what I mean, and rubs her lips together. 

"Nikki, you could fuck me into oblivion, which you can't because I'm never letting you fucking touch me again, and we still wouldn't be good. Not even close to 'good'. You can't have an affair with my friend and then expect everything to be good just because we fooled around while you were stoned out of your mind." She snaps and I roll my jaw as she gets out and slams the door, stomping to the back entrance of the venue. 

For the first time I feel the sting of rejection. 

Is this how groupies feel? 

I never thought once about getting head, leaving them in the limo and going on about my business. 

Anger boils in me, Sikki chomping at the bit. 

That selfish bitch! 

I get out and go after her. 

I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna say to her, but I'm mad. 

"How dare you use me to get your rocks off and then toss me aside?", no, because I've done that to her a couple times...but that's because she's into it. 

I swear she comes harder when I randomly come up behind her and just start going at it because she knows I'm just using her to get off and then leave her wherever I stopped her, and go out right after and wouldn't think twice about it. 

But me? I'm so used to her looking at me like I'm God while I have my full attention on making her feel good, and she has the audacity to get off on my face and then kick me to the curb and tell me I'm never touching her again?! 

I decided it wasn't worth the fist fight it would inevitably turn into by the time I got inside, but and looking back, she had every reason to get me horny and then swear off ever letting me get near her again. It was petty, but smart. And despite having sex one last time not long after that instance, the point was still made clear. For the first time in our relationship, the acceptance of sexual advances didn't take the place of forgiveness.

[kuronanox]

Insecure Love - Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez (AU-NSFW)

She was his prisoner and the toxicity surrounding their relationship put a strain on her mental health. No matter how much she wanted to leave him Grimmjow wouldn't allow it.

He got angry and would scream and break objects in the house scaring her to death and she knew he could have easily hurt her if he wanted to.

Sobbing as she hugged herself on her knees she threw her phone across the wall and screamed out of frustration. "I hate you!"

She knew she should have listen to her friends and family years ago when they told her Grimmjow was bad news, but her young and immature mind felt different.

It's been difficult as she had to pay off student loans and provide for the both of them and half the time she didn't know where he was anymore.

They both were intoxicated about each other no matter how bad things got in their relationship no one ever left, but they left scars towards each other.

Grimmjow happened to come home when he heard her yell in the bedroom, he wanted to fix their strained relationship by bringing good news to her for once. He was hired as a personal body guard to one of Japan most wealthiest celebrities.

"I hate him so much." She says picking up her phone and slamming the bathroom door to freshen up for the night.

He was conflicted if he was going to throw a tantrum and get angry or leave it be for the night, but he wanted to fix things so he chose to ignore her statement and pretend he didn't hear nothing.

(Your Name) was paying all the bills for the last few months after Grimmjow got fired from his last job for beating the shit out of someone, the dude had to be hospitalized.

"Hey." He says roughly as she opened the bathroom door surprised to see him home early.

"You're home early?"

"Tch. I live here too."

"Yeah well whose paying the bills right now? At least let me know where you go half the time." She bit back at him and plopped onto the bed leaning on her elbow.

"Don't start this shit right now." He says pulling his shirt off to get ready for a shower.

"Whatever."

That night after hearing the good news of Grimmjow getting a job again they didn't sleep much. There was a lot of cries and moans rather then words of encouragement.

(Your Name) wanted to be a normal couple for once but she was already broken she didn't know how to express her emotions anymore.

As he fell asleep she laid awake besides him under protection of his arms. The negative thoughts crept in her mind.

He was going to be a body guard to rich celebrities and it lower her self esteem.

It wouldn't surprise her if she found him in bed with one of them; after all she's caught him with other women a few times.

She scoffed why were they like this? They acted like children but they were already in their late 20s acting like high school kids in a relationship.

"Can't sleep?" He asks her with his eyes still closed.

"I'm okay."

"Stop I know something is wrong. You didn't even tell me congrats about my new job... you just kissed me and we had sex."

(Your Name) shivered at his touch because he was rubbing her arms lightly as if he was trying to comfort her discomfort. She was a little weird out by his actions the whole night. He was rarely ever gentle.

"I wanna talk about us." She tells him as he sighs and sits up from the bed and picks her up so she was sitting between his legs.

"Go on."

"Well I've been thinking. I'm almost 30 and we've been together since college isn't it childish to keep hurting each other like this?"

"Are you indicating we should break up?!" Grimmjow slightly raises his voice loosing his cool temper for a second.

"That's not what I'm saying... I just have a professional job at the hospital and well you have that job...it's just that what is our future together?"

Grimmjow doesn't say anything but stares at her, he hasn't thought much about the future but he knew she was going to be in his.

"Don't know." He answers bluntly as he could see in her eyes that she was a bit hurt by his answer. "You are my future."

She just shakes her head and moves away from him disappointed that was his answer to her after so many years together.

She was always called in random times at the hospital and Grimmjow was always traveling or not home because of work, but after the night she talked to him about their future together he reconsider everything he had done in the past.

He couldn't lose her as much as he already has. Grimmjow was slowly making things right for them. He started by coming home every night he didn't have to be away and letting her know where he was when he went out.

Grimmjow even made the effort to clean and cook the house when she came home late from the hospital.

"I just feel like the way he is acting now is temporary and we will go back to our old ways." (Your Name) tells Rangiku as they sat for afternoon brunch one day.

"Well, has he ever done any of these things before? Like cook and clean and even letting you know where he is?"

"No not really this is the first time."

Rangiku mixes her drink and takes a sip before speaking.

"Give it time, I think if he's willing to try new things to keep the relationship alive you should trust him a bit more."

"I guess so, it wouldn't be fair not to." (Your Name) agrees and sadly smile down to the table. "I guess I'm always the one doubting us."

"Good morning." Grimmjow says looking down at (Your Name) with a lopsided smile.

"Oh god he's morning voice is so hot."

(Your Name) sits up from bed and rubs her eyes, they were both naked in the covers. She didn't want to leave the warmth that they both radiantly pulled off so she fell back onto him and cuddled some more.

If she remember clearly Grimmjow took her out on a date as they went clubbing to dance for a bit and she got a little bit to lit. Which ended them both in bed for a good time.

"Did you have fun last night?" He asks her as she nodded slowly only remembering a few clips in the back of her head.

She remembered how Grimmjow unforgivingly pounded into her as his thrust were fast and steady. The way his rough hands held her down and explored every part of her body.

Grimmjow pulling her ass in the air and giving both of them a loud smack before abusing her aching pussy drenched from over stimulation. As she cried out telling him not to stop. The way his tongue fucked her as he sucked and gave long stroke on her clit.

She remembered how they hungrily kissed each other as their tongue explored every inch and how he seductively sucked her bottom lip leaving them plumped and bruised.

"I remember a lot actually." She tells him as his face lit up. Which tells her Grimmjow was definitely into last night heated session.

"Good, things have been great between us." He says as she traced his abs and slowly going to his lower abdomen making him shiver a bit.

"Just thinking about last night turned me on again." She admits feeling the dampened underwear she wore.

"Oh? I'm always down for another round."

Sitting between his legs she pulled his under garments away and threw it across the room impatiently. Grabbing his erected member softly she pumped it a few times and kissed the tip of it. He shuttered and groaned because she was going so slow but all he wanted to do was to fuck her pretty little mouth.

"Jeez baby if you keep teasing me I won't forgive you."

"Shh." She tells him and slowly puts her mouth around his member. Bobbing her head she looked up to him with lustful eyes. His mouth parted a bit as she moaned, the vibration added to the pleasure he was getting.

Grabbing her head he thrusted into her mouth gently as he hit the back of her throat.

Holding his thigh for support she pulled away and gave him long teasing licks around his erected member as she stroke and swallowed it whole again hollowing her cheeks as Grimmjow groaned in response.

Feeling herself getting impatient she slipped one hand to massage her aching core.

"Someone is rather impatient today." He says and pulled her up to face him as they joined lips again giving her a passionate lusty kiss.

Moving to her collarbones and to her breast he swirled her nipples like they were lollipops with his mouth sucking on them as he grabbed her ass and gave it a loud smack.

Releasing his mouth he laid her down and crawled on top, before entering himself he kissed her gently and brought one of her legs up trailing it with kisses.

Grimmjow stroked himself a bit before entering slowly into her drench and aching core. She bit her lip and arched her back, they felt whole again.

(Your Name) couldn't describe the feeling but it was pure bliss and heaven as he thrusted into her faster as he brought his hand and rubbed her clit. She moaned in pleasure and brought Grimmjow closer to her as she wrapped her legs around him. His balls hitting her ass as he kissed her drove her on edge as she moaned into his mouth.

Flipping her on all fours he pounded into her holding her hands behind her back she relied on Grimmjow so she wouldn't fall face down.

Grimmjow was started to get sloppy knowing he was going to cum soon, looking at the mirror he could see her face crying in pleasure and the way her breast swinging back and fourth drove him on edge as he groaned lightly.

Letting her hands go as she fell onto the comfy mattress he grabbed her hip and pounded into her unmercifully he breathlessly said "I'm about to cum."

"It's okay you can cum in me." She says as he leaned down and bit her shoulder and shot his hot seeds into her.

A few months pasted by and their relationship couldn't be any better. They hadn't fought in a long time. They were both happy together even though they had opposite schedules from each other they both tried their hardest to make time for each other.

"I'm leaving to America for a week." Grimmjow says to her one night as they ate dinner together on the couch.

"Okay, whatever your work tells you to do. I'm fine with that."

"Good, just letting you know. I've been getting quite the attention recently." He smirks running his hand through his hair.

(Your Name) knew her boyfriend was extremely good looking and that many women wanted him but after getting a job as a personal body guard with the hottest celebrities in Japan it lowered her self esteem. Although she didn't let it get to her because of how happy they were together it still bothered her.

"I know. I didn't think you were going to get that much attention."

Grimmjow shrugs and pulls her onto his lap. "Why you jealous?"

"Fuck no. You're ugly anyways."

He laughs as his phone rang showing a unknown number to her. Raising her eyebrow she gives him a look. "Aren't you going to answer it?"

"Nah just some annoying fan I'm guessing."

Although she wanted to believe Grimmjow she knew it was to good to be true that they were this happy. She knew Grimmjow was still suspicious.

"Okay then."

After taking his leave to America she saw the celebrity he was going with. She was Japan hottest actress at the moment. (Your Name) didn't want to feel down, but she was getting extremely insecure.

The actress was tall and beautiful, with slick black hair and the most expensive outfits that made her look even more high and mighty.

Before Grimmjow left the actress gave (Your Name) a look up and down and smirked entering her private jet.

"Fuck that bitch." (Your Name) said as she watched Grimmjow leave. "He's still mine."

She didn't hear much from Grimmjow that week because of the time difference and he claimed that he was super busy.

Grimmjow was starting to get his own small fan base in japan and it annoyed her because she felt like he was going to forget her slowly for fame.

When he got back from America everything was the same except she fought condoms in his luggage.

Grabbing them from his suit case she threw the whole case at him. "What the fuck Grimmjow? If you wanted to fuck another bitch at least be more secretive about it!" She yelled as he caught it.

"Woah it's not what you think!" He explains to her as she grabbed her own bags and started to pack.

"I can't do this no more, we can't with this relationship anymore. I'm almost 30 and I'm living a life of a newly college student. I want to advance my future! I want to get married and have kids! If I stay with you any longer I won't be able to love myself."

Grimmjow ran his hands through his hair and followed her in the bedroom. "I didn't do anything with her! I bought those in America for us." He tells her as she looked down and sighed.

(Your Name) wanted to believe him but from past experiences she was scared.

"I want to believe you but I'm scared." She tells him. Grimmjow pulls her close to him and makes her look at his face.

"(Your Name) I promise you I didn't do anything. I'm sorry I make you feel so low and insecure. I want to change that. Just because I work for those famous people doesn't mean I don't think you look just as good. You are the most fucking beautiful person I've ever met and been with. I don't want you to leave, I need you."

Wiping the tears from her face she held his face and traced his face with her thumbs.

"It's just hurts, it hurts to much. It hurts to know that you haven't thought about our future together. I can't let go of the past, your actions from before has caused me to be so cautious about everything you do. That isn't healthy!"

She screams at him as he felt his heart hurt from the way she told him her feelings she had been hiding the whole time.

"Please don't leave, I've been making things right for us. Why can't you believe me for once!" He argued back holding her shoulders tightly afraid to let her go.

That night she spend it in his arms crying.

Grimmjow stayed up till she was okay and comforted her.

Every word he told her weren't lies, he really couldn't see anyone else putting up with his shit besides her. He needed her to keep him sane.

"I'm sorry (Your Name)." He kissed her softly on the head as she snored below him fast asleep now.

Stirring in her sleep she held him tighter, his heart soften from this.

Grimmjow was a tough cookie and he was rarely nice, gentle and compassionate. Over the years he developed those traits being with (Your Name). Because of her he had many opportunities that came into his life and she helped him when he was at his lowest even though it hurt her along the way.

Grimmjow was blinded but slowly saw that (Your Name) will always be there for him no matter how much she says she wants to leave him.

He was ready for the future now, he let go of his past self and was working on his personal growth and goals.

Right now the bills are fine, they both have a stable job and their relationship was fixing slowly, he wouldn't have it any other way. Beside no relationship is perfect and he understood that they will always have their ups and down no matter how much they tried.

"Sleep peacefully (Your Name) I'll be here in the morning." Grimmjow says tiredly giving her one last kiss on the temple before drifting off to sleep.

[espejonight28738]

15×09 "The Trap" Meta

Warning: As always, Destiel and Saileen positive so don't like don't read.

OMG guys I can't even this episode was something else. Like, for real.

First of all, it looks like I was right about Eileen being part of Chuck's plan.

"I helping to Sam the Bunker. To Sam. To Romance." Thanks Chuck for proving me right, but if you could please not hurt my baby Eileen and Sam while you do it would be awesome ;-;

Now if only I could be in the right about the happy ending...

But whatever. Let's talk about the prayer first, because I could talk about it for hours. Everything was so wonderful.

First, when Dean looks he only have 29 minutes left to find Cas, you could see all the trauma resourfaced. You could see how he was imagining ending up without Cas again. Having to go back home (although he didn't seem to be going to the portal when right before he found Cas, but I have no certainty about it) and leave Cas behind, and he imagined himself reliving the guilt and the hallucinations and the hopelessness.

[Gif by the amazing @agusvedder because I want you to look at him and tell me that ain't the look of a man who just imagined losing the love of his life again]

And, above all, Dean imagined having to live through it all knowing he never fixed their relationship. Rowena's words about not waiting until it was too late must have been ringing in his ears. And he knows that he needs Cas to know.

Purgatory's pureness gave him a new understanding of his emotions, and I'm not talking about the anger (it's obvious Dean already knew he had that problem), but the need for Cas.

"Cas, buddy, I need you." That same need, mixed with the possibility of losing Cas yet once again was enough for Dean to just break down in the middle of a land of abominations.

And the first thing he says. "I should've stopped you." Can you see how he is telling us we were right all along? Cas said "I left but you didn't stop me." And now Dean knows he could have.

If he had tried to talk, if he had asked Cas to stay, maybe he wouldn't have left. Dean put himself through that depression (the even heavier drinking, comfort food, the coldness) .

[And as an author note. How was that real? "You didn't stop me/I should've stop you" The Brontë sisters WISH they could write that levels of angsty romance.]

And, having Dean finally admitting to his very real anger issues gives me very high hopes for everything else. It's not like his problem will disappear, it does was kinda beaten into him, but having him admitting it is recognizing it as a standing problem between Dean and a Happy Future, so we can assume that will be another one of the problem they'll tackle in the rest of the season.

(Or maybe they'll forget about it. But s15 has been so good until now that I'm hoping they won't ignore it.)

And Dean calling Cas his best friends. Holy mother of God. I know I made several jokes about it, but it truly is so significant. Because words like "Family" and "Brother (and sister for Charlie)" are ones Dean had given other people. But Best Friend is only for Cas, it puts him in a special place in Dean's live no one else shares.

Maybe it's not exactly the place we want him to be in (yet), but the fact alone that they recognize once again how Dean and Cas' relationship is different to the one they have with anyone else.

So when did found Cas and said "Okay, Cas, I need to say something", I agree we wasn't about to repeat his prayer.

The Prayer (the fact that Dean got on his damn knees, for god's sake) was a moment of absolute vulnerability and emotion. Dean grew up in with a "no emotions" mentality tought to him by John, and so we seldom see him show this kind of raw vulnerability by choice. Considering that the Winchesters (as always, I include Jack and Cas in there) are an experts in 'I screw up and you got angry but then we had a bigger problem so we kinda left it behind us bc we are family and I love you anyway, or we just move on without never really discussing it' but not in actually apologizing, I would go as far as to say this was probably the most heartfelt apologize we've seen in the series.

I've watched the scene like a million times, and he just carries an attitude of doing something big. Like a big reveal, not like repiting himself.

Because he knew Cas heard him. The reason he said "I hope you can here me, that wherever you are, it's not too late" it's 'cause he was afraid Cas had died. That is was really too late. Once he saw Cas was alive? I don't think Dean doubted for a second Cas had heard him. He was hoing to say something else.

Cas clearly didn't want to take the risk of Dean telling him what he truly wanted to hear- what he had wanted for years. The risk of his deal with the Empty hovering behind hime. He couldn't be so selfish as allowing himself to hear it, just to abandon Dean right after.

Then Cas interrupted him.

Or abandoning Sam when he was at God's mercy, or leaving the World SavingTM to them. He couldn't. Dean doesn't even now about the deal.

I cannot tell you how much I loved it. Not in a "I want this to happen" way, of course not, but in what it means.

That's why Dabb said this episode wasn't the resolution. There's still much unsaid between them, if you believe there is an 'I love you' somewhere there. I think that's what has my hopes the highest. Because if they are only bff, then why didn't this solve everything? What is left hanging? I don't want to clown but it's literally the only thing that makes sense in my opinion.

And now, let's talk about the future Sam saw.

Sam and Dean don't need only each other to be happy, they need other people. That's basically what that future said.

"What's happened to you Dean? Ever since..."

"Ever since what? We lost pretty much everyone we ever cared about?"

[There is like a 2 second pause here that I feel very important andd significant. The separation between what 'everyone' and 'Cas']

"Ever since the Mark made Cas go crazy? Ever since I had to bury him in Ma'lak box? Ever since then? Yeah." [Jfc you can hear it pains him to say Cas' name]

"Bobby had a death wish and you know it. And Jody? Ever since what happened to Donna and the girls, she does too.

And after Eileen? So do you."

He's acknowledging everyone's breaking point. Jody's was Donna and the girls (we don't know exactly which one was the last straw, as we know that at least in Claire's case they died at different times). Sam's was Eileen. His was Cas.

And he is very clear in that. We can't know what happened first, but we know that Sam asks what happened to *him* and he says it was Cas going crazy. It was having to bury Cas alive what made him lose all hope. Because at least he can hope they ones dead can find pace, but Cas? Dean, and for how he said it he probably did it alone, had to bury Cas knowing he was going to be there for the rest of the time. Suffering alone. Dean knows how it's like to have the Mark.

That broke Dean. And having Sam wasn't enough to put him back together.

And after Eileen somehow died again, Sam just stop caring about living, he just care about taking down as many monsters as he can before he dies. 'Death wish' Dean called it. He would know about that, he is Dean "You wanna die" Winchester, after all.

Having Dean wasn't enough for Sam to want to keep on living.

"We lost, brother. We lost. I'm done."

They still have each other? Yes. Is that remotely enough? No. That's what the future told us. They need more than each other, they need other people.

But there was a little something else that made it even more beautiful.

"The Dean who raised me [...]"

Let's be clear about something, I think the show never gives enough recognition for having raised same pretty much by himself since he was 4 years. The situation was totally unfair to Dean and yet he never once took it out on Sam, he just look out for him, cooked for him, and make sure he could be as much of a child as the situation allowed, that is a lot more than Dean ever could. In his own words, he wasn't just a brother, he was also a father and a mother.

I just want to cry for thinking how hard that was for both brother. And Sam knows it, even if he doesn't always acknowledges. So the fact that he chose the words "the Dean that raised me" when "the Dean that I know", for example, would have conveyed the sentiment as well, is significant.

They wanted to remember how important they are for each other, how much they love each other. They don't dismiss that, they are making sure we remember that, at the same time they are telling us the alone aren't enough for a happy ending.

They are telling us what we need for a True Happy Ending.

Dean and Sam still being close brothers and loving each other, but allowing themselves to love and need other people.

Okay I'll go to the point.

A HAPPY ENDING IS SAM AND THEN HAVING OTHER PEOPLE IN THEIR LIVES WITHOUT LOSING EACH OTHER.

A HAPPY ENDING IS THE END OF THE TOXIC CODEPENDENCY AND THE START OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP THAT INCLUDES THEIR RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER PEOPLE.

You guys now I've been saying they are hinting at it since my meta of "The Rupture" but this ain't foreshadowing THEY ARE SCREAMING IT. Like I can't come up with a radically different interpretation.

So this episode only got my hopes for endgame Saileen and Destiel (the destiel maybe not at canon as the saileen, but heavily hinted at least) even higher. Specially for the parallel with Eileen having Dean's doubts ("I don't know what's real") and Sam making kinda answering the same ("We are"/"I know that was real"). Btw I'll be screaming because of that for the rest of my days.

[BONUS: Random questions I can't seem to answer.

Does the angels even know God's going bersek? I mean, Belphegor didn't know it was God the one who broke hell... but even Lilith's been brought back. Do they know Micheal's back? God I don't know.

Was that really a possible future? Or it does was like a Zacharaiah tactic? Why does Chuck's abscence makes monster go crazy? Wasn't the point that it didn't unblanaced the powers?

Story-wise, why ain't Cas in next episode?

Was that the last mention of Claire? An off-screen hypotetical death? Please someome let me see my girl again.]

Tagging: @metafest @verobatto-angelxhunter @agusvedder @legendary-destiel @that-one-fandom-chick @studio-hatter

[peroxiideprincesss]

wonderful

pairing: ron weasley x oc

year: 4th

warnings: nothing really, just fluff. also i wrote this for myself thinking no one else would see it lmao.

also please note, this oc has a lot of character development, and one of the characters is another oc! for a little backstory, she’s oliver woods younger sister, she’s a ravenclaw and her parnets basically disowned her when they found out. she stayed with remus and dora and the burrow sometimes because her family knew them. but yeah, that’s a little backstory, now please enjoy :)!

(gif made by me!)

-

scarlet woke up bright and early on saturday. you may be asking why but she had a small date with ron weasley today. god, everyone knew. harry, hermione, draco, eva, fred and george(they wouldn't stop talking about it in the common room).

scarlet placed her feet on the blue rug, stepping out of bed as luna looked at her. she was up early. luna smiled at scarlet as she turned the pages of one of the many herbology books around the girls dorm. scarlet smiled backand walked over to her dresser, trying to find an outfit. the girl fished out a blue and yellow flannel, a nude turtle neck, and some black jeans.

scarlet grabbed her clothes and headed to the bathroom. cho was just coming out, she rolled her eyes at scarlet. scarlet was very confused. it seems like cho had became friends with all the mean ravenclaw girls and even some of the mean slytherins, leaving scarlet and luna behind. they weren't very close but it still hurt scarlet.

scarlet ignored cho, and simply walked into the bathroom, throwing her clothes off and getting dressed. she already got a shower the night before to save time. once she was done, she walked back to her dorm with luna, and sent an owl to oliver, her brother.

"Dear Oli,

    How's life? I haven't sent in owl in a few days but I got your letter. Today, I am going to Hogmade with Ron. Just a day with my best friend. Have you heard from mom? Or dad? Let me know.

Snape was talking about how you were so good in potions, saying I should be better. I think it's because I'm friends with Harry. Also, I heard you got the spot on the team! Good for you, I'll be coming to your next game in January. For now, I'll keep sending the letters.

Until next time,

Scarlet R. Wood."

she finished the letter in no time, looking up at the clock. 9:30. ron said to come down for breakfast at 9:35 but she decided to go a bit early. she grabbed her scarf and she headed down to the Great Hall, smiling the whole way.

when she got there it was about 9:33, she was early but it was alright. she saw that ron, hermione, neville, and harry were all out of bed. odd. harry always slept late, maybe it was for training? scarlet didn't question it too much because she was now sitting right next to ron.

"hey, you're early." ron smiled, harry rolled his eyes. why was he was jealous? he liked cho. "of course i am, i'm always early." scarlet replied, taking some pancakes from the table. ron smiled. "i guess you're right.." he replied awkwardly. "well, i've gotta go to hagrids for tea..i'll see you guys later." harry spoke, fixing his glasses. everyone nodded as fred, george, and evanora malfoy came to the breakfast table.

"hey ron! do you remember the protection spell we gave ya?" fred asked, winking. "shove off, fred." ron replied, his face as red as his hair now. scarlet laughed softly. "ronald, you're not embarrassed, are you?" hermione asked, ron rolled his eyes at her. ron was embarrassed but scarlet found it cute. she smiled, and kissed his cheek lightly, making ron even more embarrassed.

-

ron and scarlet walked to the entrance of hogsmeade, scarlet anxiously grabbing his hand. ron smiled. "sorry..i'm just a bit nervous. i heard cho is going to be here....she hates my guts." scarlet chuckled softly. ron nodded softly. "she's a bloody bitch." ron mumbled softly as scarlet began walking towards the candy shop.

as the pair arrived, they spotted luna and neville. the pair was buying some chocolate frogs. scarlet smiled at the pair as ron ran to acid pops. he loved those things, and scarlet had no clue why. "hey ron, why do you like those so much?" scarlet asked coming up behind the boy. he jumped slightly. "you scared me!" he laughed but then shrugged. "but i'm not sure, scarlet. why do you ask?" "i don't know, just curious. ooh! jelly slugs!" scarlet smiled, walking over to the slugs. ron laughed. "you're so odd." he smiled, picking up two packs of the slugs. ron also had about four acid pops.

the pair made their way over to chocolate frogs, ron smiling like a fool. he loved chocolate, and so did scarlet. "how many do you want?" ron asked. "four is fine, i can pay for them. oliver sent me about 50 gallons." ron's eyes went wide. "50? merlin!" ron laughed, hanging her four of the frogs.

-

they paid for their things and decided to go get some food and butter beer with harry and hermione who ended up coming later on.

ron and scarlet walked into one of the restaurant that actually allowed younger people in it. harry and hermione were already there. ron waved at them, walking over to the pair.

harry forced a smile onto his face as he noticed the pair holding hands and hermione sighed. "you've gotta move on, harry. i heard ginny likes you." hermione spoke. harry rolled his eyes. "i like cho." harry replied quickly. hermione looked at him with that look. "fine, i still like her. but not as much as i use to. it just hurts to see he-" harry stopped when he saw the pair inches away from the table. they hadn't heard anything, which was a good thing.

"hey guys." scarlet smiled, looking over at ron briefly. "hey, how was your day so far?" hermione smiled wiggling her eyebrows. scarlet laughed. "oh hush. we've only been here for 35 minutes. we've only went to the candy shop. we're gonna go to the bookstore after this." scarlet replied to the comment.

ron was quiet, which wasn't normal for him. scarlet picked up on it, quickly, too. but the waiter came quicker than normal, so she hadn't gotten the chance  to ask what was up with him until after.

"hey, what's wrong?" scarlet whispered to the boy while hermione and harry were distracted. "nothing, i just feel bad about the whole harry situation. i shouldn't be such a git about everything." ron admitted. scarlet nodded. "hey, love, don't feel bad about it-" scarlet stopped, she had realized she had called the boy love. ron turned bright red, but scarlet continued her statement.

"we all make mistakes, as cliché as it sounds, we really do. now, cheer up. please." scarlet smiled as she directed her attention back hermione who was telling us about fred asking her to the ball.

-

it was now 8:45pm, and all the kids were making their way back to the castle. ron and scarlet walked hand and hand laughing. "oh my god, once! once-let me tell you about this-" scarlet said in between wheezes, "my dad always wanted oliver to fly like flawlessly- so he'd take him outside to practice, and one day oliver fell off his broom and the broom hit my dad in the head so hard-" the pair laughed as harry looked on with jealousy.

"harry, you really need to realize scarlet doesn't feel like same. she obviously likes--no loves—ron." hermione mumbled. "i know, i know hermione. i think i'm gonna ask cho to the ball." he smiled. hermione smiled too. the pair didn't know that cho was with cedric.

"one time fred shit his pants." ron wheezed. scarlet spat one of her gummi slugs out at the comment. "when he was 10." ron continued. "no fucking way!" scarlet laughed harder, hanging ron a gummi slug.

-

ron, scarlet, harry, and hermione all plowed into the common room, everyone laughing. it was a great day. "hey guys, i had fun but i've really gotta get back to my dorm." ron frowned. "uhm..why don't you just stay here? you can sleep on my bed or something." ron spoke awkwardly. "okay—okay fine, but i've gotta write to my brother in the morning." scarlet agreed.

ron lead scarlet to the dorm. everyone had separate dorms with one other person. sometimes, they didn't even have another person. scarlet smiled at the smell of the room. pine, mint, and flowers. it was wonderful. she had been in his dorm before but it didn't smell this good. maybe she was just distracted.

"do you wanna go to bed now?" ron asked, a smile on his face. "sure." scarlet spoke, returning the smile. "can i borrow some clothes from you?" she added. ron blushed before mumbling an "of course."

he handed the girl some red pj pants and grey shirt. she nodded and went into the bathroom connected into the dorm. she slipped her other clothes off, taking her rings and necklace off, sticking them in the pocket of her jacket. she slipped the pants on before putting the shirt on and returning to ron.

when she came back ron was laying on his bed, smiling and looking up at the ceiling. scarlet smiled at the boy again, walking over to the small bed and laying down on her, her head laying on the boys chest. ron blushed softly, as he awkwardly wrapped his free arm around her figure.

"thank you." scarlet mumbled softly, closing her tired eyes. "for what?" ron inquired. "today, silly." she chuckled. "you're welcome. but thank you even more. i had such a fun time.." he smiled, tempted to kiss the top of her head. but he was too nervous.

"scar, do you wanna go to the ball with me?" ron asked, confidently. "y-yes! of course!" she smiled, flipping her body so she was facing the boy. he smiled and cupped the girls cheeks gently, kissing her. scarlet smiled, wrapping her legs around the boy's waist. ron's face heated up as he realized what she was doing.

he had no problem with it, it wasn't a bad thing at all. it was just terrifying, for both of them. but even while thinking this, they kept kissing each other, sloppily, though. scarlet pulled away, placing her forehead up to the boys.

"you're wonderful, ron weasley."

[kidmachinate]

Time To Turn Up The Heat

Hades. I've mentioned this game in my last few posts. Why? Progression. Almost like there's this theme or something. There's supposed to be even if rocky along the way.

Let's state this for the whole class to hear. If you're focused on shaping your present for a better future, the past doesn't exist. Take a fine look at this clown we've had in office for someone that consistently dodges issues and looks the the past claiming "unfair treament" when in fact it was he who failed America. Wanna harp on someone's life failures? That's a huge one and it affects everyone. Even this however, won't push us forward and we need to do that for ourseleves.

Heat is Hades form of difficulty levels upon difficulty levels. Some might say it is silly to compare games to real life. Another consistent theme on here. I respectfully disagree with that opinion. In my very household, there is progression within this game from three different people. Something else I'll be getting into real soon. We are each challenging ourselves, within our own skill levels, to slowly but surely, turn up the heat. Add one extra thing to consider on each of our between half hour to an hour runs, which hopefully end in victory, but not always. One extra micro decision that makes us think about what items we want to take on a run or what ways to make the game just a tad more difficult.

Roguelikes tend to juggle many micro decisions that hopefully lead to a macro victory. Sometimes I wonder if I'm holding myself back by knowing some of the same people for years. From time to time however, I do change that and may meet another person online or IRL. The huge plus to knowing the same people, you know what to expect. If you're close friends, you esentially grow up together and remain a positive influence in their life. Not everyone will. That's okay. That's their life to live. In a videogame, the goal is simple. Win. So how do we score wins for ourselves? Whatever brings you peace.

While I technically live alone and have for a while, I've esentially moved in two people close to me, to help bring peace in their otherwise crap home scenarios. Without getting into a lot of detail, I chose the route of forgiveness. I don't think something that has has a negative impact on your life should your tour attention for very long after the fact than to learn from it. Let's call it for what it is because one of the two is a previous partner of mine. Her name is Amber. It took a combination of therapy and other experiences on both ends to even come to the conclusion that maybe this time, things will be different. What happens there? My business. But it is currently what is. Outside of that, we're people trying to live. Live in South Florida no less. Hard times. We shall push through. The other person is my friend Corey. He makes some of the same questionable choices I do romantically that we find ways to joke about later, although I can't relate to how far they usually get. I've never been married. Don't care for it. Outside of this, we find a way to have very different opinions on either life itself or games even but still get along. If only that could apply to sports and religion. I'm intentionally leaving out politics because that is a seperate topic all together at this point.

We're not the most functioning family, the three of us, but we agree on enough to make a living scenario work, because who needs all the extra stress, right? For a long time, I've run from my own choices. My own opinions. All for some silly attempt to make anyone and everyone happy. It can't be done and the quicker we all realize that, it can lead to a more focused journey for us moving forward. I weighed out my options for how I'd like to live. For right now, I'm helping two others and providing a safe space of sorts. If this leads to a scenario past this aging apartment I currently rent, amazing. If not? That's life.

I focused on two people by name in this post because they are literally closest to me within my home. My best friend of sixteen plus years too does it all on their own. I respect that highly. I've done it. I've just decided to try a different route that can be beneficial to everyone. We each have moments of "I don't care what anyone says" in which we close our minds to any opinion but our own. The issue with this is it isn't sensitive to others needs. I'll take the blame front and center for my part on this. I'm used to rejection and being told no a lot. It's a goal of mine once reshaping my employment scenario. To fix unsolved trauma which hold me back at times from being more open.

This post is called what it is for a reason. It's been made clear to me who is willing to take the blame. Who is willing to blame shift. Who wants to change from toxic ways or to simply remain. The better part however is that none of this has anything to do with my personal journey. I base many of these posts off personal experiences with a dash of gaming references, but I don't want to target any one person for harm or help. It is all inclusive. We are after all supposed to be a UNITED states of America, even if we aren't now.

I'm turning up the heat and perhaps I like to play with fire a bit. Perhaps I want to rush life in the face and see what happens. It is how you learn. Sometimes we need a bit of heat to light the fire under our asses we need to do the right thing. Catch me at the right time and I'll do that. However, I've become more comfortable going back to some way of old where observing is better. Because you can't help everyone. This doesn't mean you turn cold.

People swear you have to take sides. If you take any side, take your own. What aligns and what doesn't. Those which align with you will understand that and won't try to change you for it. Some of us need more help too. Turn on god mode. Better resistance to deal with the challenges faced in front of you. Better than not having tried at all.

Heat is off. It's up to you now. Up to all of us to be more understanding while pushing ourselves forward and maybe, just maybe, not take things so personally. I'm not sorry that I don't want the worst for people, even if they have made some mistakes. I too have pushed some away after being wronged. I also was sometimes the offender. We all can be our own redeemer however and we need to encourage others to do just that. If you have to play the avoid game for your sanity or mental health, awesome. You don't have to put them in your Death Note.