#and if the person specifically mentioned an allergy or something i was even more aware and cautious

[thatscrazyrandom]

Whenever I see people make even a passing comment about changing someone's order when making it I start frothing at the mouth.

[asmallnerd]

Autistic Shoto Todoroki

The analysis

First off, I would like to say that this is purely a passion project. I am not a professional, I am an autistic teenager and I’m just very interested in this character because I heavily relate to him. I’ve collected some scenes from the manga and two specific things from the third light novel.

If you could boost this (if you’re interested that’d be great because while I really enjoy doing this it does take a lot of time! With that being said let’s dive into this and I hope you find this interesting!

Could Shoto Todoroki be autistic? Here is why I think he absolutely could.

Emotional perception

Let’s start with one of the most obvious things about his character. The emotional factor.

Shoto doesn’t emote in the way his peers do. Now, of course this also plays into the brooding mysterious guy archetype, but that’s not what we’re talking about.

Shoto’s face is typically relatively neutral, this is apparent from the moment we first meet him and while he does tend to express his emotions more clearly later in the story, it doesn’t ever really change. Something that immediately comes to mind is how in chapter 202 Iida asks if Shoto is alright because Iida noticed his expression change (because he knows him very well by this point). Ojiro points out that he did not notice this, since Shoto’s face barely changes at all.

We see Shoto in a lot of situations where his peers show excitement while his expression remans completely flat. This lack of emoting is something extremely common in people with autism. It’s not that they don’t have emotions or don’t express them at all, they just do it in a way that is hard to understand for people outside the spectrum or those who don’t know the autistic individual very well. They often struggle to understand what emotion they’re feeling in the first place and of course it’s hard to express feelings if you don’t know what you’re feeling.

Shoto doesn’t only show difficulty expressing his emotions but also recognizing those of other people. One of the best examples of this is the final exam arc, where he gets paired up with Yaoyorozu. In chapter 63 specifically, he doesn’t realize that Yaoyorozu is upset about something even though to someone else it’d probably have been obvious. Only when Aizawa points out that he should listen to her does he notice that he’s been doing something wrong. Shoto didn’t notice she was upset, and he didn’t notice he was being rude.

Emotions and emotional responses are continuously shown to be difficult for Shoto to handle. What he has absolutely no issues with, on the other hand, are academics. Of course, we can naturally assume that he’s been drilled to study hard from a very young age, but he is also extremely intelligent outside of the classroom. During the sports festival he is the first person shown to figure out that the obstacle course poses a lot more disadvantages to the people in the lead, during the practical exam, he is able to come up with a solid strategy very quickly.

During the training camp arc, him and Deku are the ones to come up with a strategy to protect Bakugo on the spot. He also doesn’t seem to consider his intelligence anything special. A lot of autistic people tend to assume that other people’s experiences align with their own. This can be seen when he seems surprised about Denki worrying that he’ll fail the written final exam. He asks how he could possibly fail if he’s been attending class, like the concept is entirely foreign to him (also there’s about a 0% chance this was a joke because this is Shoto we’re talking about.) He is very good at logical problem solving but emotional issues seem to stump him.

Literacy and verbal filters

Moving on, another big factor that Shoto seems to struggle with is his tendency to be overly literal and very blunt. There are several instances where he says things that we as readers as well as other characters perceive as insensitive. Once again, his interaction with Denki about the final exams (chapter 60) can be an example. He didn’t seem to think it was inappropriate and because this is Shoto, he didn’t ask to tease him either. Denki even points out that this was insensitive to say. A more subtle example is his conversation with Izuku in chapter 73, when they talk about Kota. His overall phrasing is fine, but he remains very blunt and direct and essentially ends up telling Izuku that his tendency to cut to people’s hearts with his words is annoying.

My personal favorite for an example can be found in chapter 83, in the hospital after the training camp, when the class visits Izuku, Shoto points out that “Of course Bakugo isn’t here.” Needless to say, he couldn’t possibly have timed this statement any worse. It wasn’t necessary in the first place, but he didn’t register it as something inappropriate to say.

One example of not him being unintentionally rude but just showing a different approach to telling the truth is seen in the third light novel. The fifth chapter revolves around the class preparing a birthday party for Iida. At one point, Sato asks if Iida has food allergies out of nowhere. Iida naturally asks why he needs to know this, Shoto is immediately ready to answer the question honestly, which would have spoiled the surprise, had Izuku not stepped in.

Autistic people often have trouble seeing whether something is or isn’t appropriate to say. Neurotypical people’s brains have a filtering process, it helps them be aware of possible responses to a statement. This filtering process is not functional or only limited in autistic people.

Shoto is also overly literal. In chapter 57, he gets upset over his friends continuously getting their hands hurt and refers to himself as “the hand crusher”. He is very serious about this and does not understand how Iida and Izuku could possibly think he was joking.

In chapter 164, he answers Gang Orca’s metaphoric question entirely seriously. During the interview training in chapter 241 he first seems confused by the made-up mission in the first place. He then proceeds to ask Mt Lady if she has a heart condition when she uses the phrase “My heart would burst out of my chest”. Finally, he appears genuinely horrified when she calls him a “lady killer” (“My smile will kill women..?!”)

In chapter 257, when Mineta claims school talk will “ruin the taste of the food”, Shoto simply says it tastes the same to him, to which Mineta proceeds to call him out for being overly literal.

Autistic people typically struggle to understand jokes and sarcasm, in fact, it’s often one of the main characteristics in people with an ASD diagnosis.

Overfamiliarity and Oversharing

Shoto’s tendency to overshare is another thing that is very typical foe ASD.

He doesn’t seem to understand that telling his life story to a classmate he’s barely interacted with prior is not exactly an appropriate thing to do. He repeats this later with All Might and, most notably, in chapter 165, when talking to the preschoolers during his provisional licensing course.

He also seems to have a slightly different perception of what makes someone friends than his classmates. As shown in chapter 241, to him, spending time with Bakugo during the licensing course is enough to deem them friends. Even when Bakugo points out that there is no correlation between the time spent together and friendship, he still doesn’t seem to understand.

Autistic people tend to become overly familiar and are easily attached to people if they perceive just one of their interactions as positive.

Attachment to inanimate things

This is something not really shown in the manga, but noteworthy, nonetheless. We know that Shoto, upon moving into the dorm building, remodeled his entire room from a modern, more western style room, into a traditional Japanese style one. The second chapter of the third novels goes into depth about why he did this. Shoto was entirely dumbstruck and thrown off by how different the room is from what he was used to. He knew the traditional Japanese rooms from home and his brain assumed that the dorms would be the same. He felt like the different style was wrong. He doesn’t like the unfamiliar flooring and even a small thing like the positioning of the light switch bother him.

He’s not comfortable in the unfamiliar environment, so he decides to change it.

Autistic people often struggle to adjust to changes. In environment and routine. They feel most comfortable in a well established and familiar routine, that includes the feel of their living space. A change of environment this drastic would be extremely stressful for someone on the spectrum.

Another thing that isn’t particularly obvious but does make sense when considered is that Shoto seems to have a comfort food (cold soba). While he’s never shown or stated to be a picky eater he does seem to opt for the same food whenever he gets the chance. Autistic people often have a very restricted diet due to sensory processing issues that apply to food textures, smells and taste.

Additional points

Shoto seems to be a little face blind. He doesn’t know who Kota is when Izuku mentions him, which seems to genuinely surprise Izuku. He also didn’t remember Inasa at all despite them having been at the same entrance exam.

In chapter 202 he’s shown completely zoning out. Of course, this can happen to anyone, I just found it interesting because it was shown so clearly, making it obvious that it was something we should pay attention to.

In the novel chapter in which he remodels his room it is also mentioned that the feeling of synthetic floor against his feet upsets him.

Shoto also seems relatively indifferent to temperature. Of course, that would correlate to his quirk as well, but it is also common for autistic people to struggle with temperature perception as well as other things that neurotypical people don’t struggle to recognize like hunger or thirst. This specifically applies to situations where you would typically end up in pain like, for example, frostbite. Shoto would obviously be used tot his but him showing no reaction at all to his body halfway freezing over was a little unnerving.

He also is shown to be relatively uninterested in certain social events like for example the room competition after the class moves into the dorms. He doesn’t want to be there; he’d rather go to sleep. In the beginning he also shows clear disinterest in making friends with his classmates. Both very typical things for people on the spectrum.

In chapter 244, Hawks asks Shoto a question in a way that seems to confuse him so much he can’t even form a coherent response. [Hawks: “Seemed like you were in trouble, Endeavor.” Endeavor: “Me? Not a chance.” Hawks: “But it seemed that way, didn’t it, Shoto?” Shoto: “Um..I…uh…”]

He probably didn’t register if Hawks actually wanted him to answer or not.

In chapter 64 he mistakes Yaoyorozu crying for her feeling sick, horribly misreading her expressions.

This last point is more personal than the rest, watching his reactions to Endeavor’s fight with the Nomu in chapter 190 made me think of the stress progression that often causes autistic shutdowns. Shoto was clearly becoming more and more stressed as he was watching and once it was over simply seemed to shut down. That is a very typical response to emotional distress or overstimulation in autistic people.

Final disclaimer

This is purely for my own entertainment; it is not meant to be offensive to anyone and I am not saying that this is absolutely what is going on. I’m simply elaborating on a theory/headcanon that I have. That being said, if you have questions feel free to drop them in the ask box, I’d be thrilled!

[somebody-909]

Stalkyoo After the Formal (pt.1) - Role Reversal and Yeong-Gi's Denial of His Feelings

The black and white formal acts as a turning point in Shin-ae and Yeong-gi’s relationship, establishing their friendship and giving them moments of romantic tension.

It all leads to the emotional finale on the hospital balcony, where Yeong-gi first feels genuine romantic feelings for Shin-Ae.

This analysis looks at key moments that show how Shin-ae and Yeong-gi’s relationship changes after the formal arc — displaying emerging romantic feelings, and why their roles seemed to have reversed: it is now Yeong-gi who is hesitant to get any closer to Shin-ae, and she is the one eager to connect with him.

Ep. 75 | Elevator - Why the awkwardness and melancholy?

When Yeong-gi first sees Shin-ae after the balcony he seems quite... polite and distanced. He doesn’t act like the Yeong-gi of the past at all. He doesn't joke around with her like he used to... He doesn't smile or act friendly and he awkwardly turns away after looking at her.

He only smiles in the first panel, and his expression is… complicated. Note his soft smile, slightly closed eyes and slightly furrowed brows.

It's a soft, fond but slightly melancholic look.

This mixed expression is caused by genuine fondness for the person it’s for, with the additional tension and slight melancholy/sadness caused by the fact that this fondness is unspoken. This Look™, is the first expression he gives her after the balcony.

(But if I’m speaking more subjectively, this is the look people give those they love, but where it is unspoken. The melancholy associated with the expression makes it less likely to be purely platonic in nature — platonic friendships don’t often have this sense of something hidden and unspoken, and more often have relatively straightforward reciprocal affection. The romantic nature is also emphasized since The Look™ is being given to someone Yeong-gi has known for only a few weeks/months.)

At the least, this unspoken fondness may explain why Yeong-gi seems so awkward afterward:

He senses a difference in their feelings towards each other (he feels this because he is somewhat aware of the true nature of his, but Shin-ae is not/would not be at this stage)

He does not appreciate the nature of these feelings and does not want to entertain them (for reasons mentioned in my balcony analysis)

Shin-Ae also notices his odd demeanour and tells him she thought he'd be more excited - Yeong-gi's behaviour is purposefully shown to be different now. It's hard to imagine this is the same guy who'd joke around, easily and outwardly showing his joy to be around Shin-ae.

In Ep. 78, Yeong-gi is called by Shin-ae after she’s forced late when Dieter passes out. He has The Look™ while speaking to her. (Notably, Yeong-gi only has this look when they are not directly looking at each other). When Yeong-gi picks her up, he seems awkward once again… especially due to seeming like a third wheel in Shin-ae and Dieter's budding relationship.

He has The Look™ in images 1, 2, and 4. And in image 3, he seems very awkward being with Shin-Ae and Dieter. (I'd argue his expression also shows displeasure — he slightly, and under-the-surface, doesn't like what's happening).

Ep. 85 | A Bear and Allergies - Compassion, but only at a distance

After Shin-ae’s sister invades her home and Shin-ae calls over the bois, she is obviously quite unnerved and uneasy. Yeong-gi immediately recognizes this and in aims of comforting her, tells Dieter to give her a hug (which he is unable to do without freaking out so he gives Shin-ae a hug using a bear as proxy).

Yeong-gi understands how Shin-ae feels and wants to comfort her, but instead of doing this himself (eg. by talking to her, giving her a pat on the shoulder, etc...), he tells Dieter to. Although he's being a good wingman, there’s an interesting sense of Yeong-gi making sure to keep his distance, even if he wants to be there for her.

When Shin-ae notices Yeong-gi’s allergic reaction (which they think may be a fever), she reaches to touch his forehead to gauge his temperature — he quickly declines and moves her hand aside.

In my black and white formal analysis, I discuss the motif of distance and how it’s seen in Shin-ae and Yeong-gi’s dynamic — and how it’s represented through touch and their hands. Characters who want to connect emotionally will also show physical signs they do (like extending your hand to someone). Emotional connection often requires characters to physically be present together as well. Characters who want to avoid connection avoid touch and keep their distance.

Here, Shin-ae shows a desire to “reach” Yeong-gi by helping him, and this is reflected when she extends her hand and reaches to touch his forehead. A refusal of her touch in this case is also a refusal of her help and her attempt to connect to him. Shin-ae shows some slight discomfort at this – it was a harmless attempt to help him, but he doesn’t want her to.

Yeong-gi follows with an explicit verbal refusal:

“Again, you don’t have to worry about me… You just had your home broken into, you need to put yourself before me, alright?”

This is fitting with Yeong-gi’s overarching character arc — he has an extremely low sense of self-worth that prevents him from accepting others’ concern. Him telling Shin-ae to put herself before him also fits his thinking: that those he cares about are more important than him, Shin-ae included. And it doesn’t matter if what she actually wants is to help him.*

*This is an interesting trait of Yeong-gi's... despite caring deeply for Shin-Ae, he undermines her intelligence and wishes by not accepting her affection for him, and carefully controlling how close she gets. Although born from insecurity, it is also, fascinatingly, covertly manipulative.

Ep. 85-6 | Bills - I care about you

Yeong-gi asks Shin-ae if she is able to get to where she is staying for the night and she gives him more information than he asks for, showing new emotional vulnerability. He notices this and gives her The Look™ — he appreciates that she is now more open to him.

When Yeong-gi sees her overdue bills, he makes sure to let her know that her financial struggles do not determine her worth and anyone who tells her otherwise isn’t worth her time.

“Remember you’ve always got someone to lean on with your friends, okay?”

His spiel is incredibly heartwarming, and we can understand that he states these things from his own heart. However, he keeps it impersonal, stating "your friends" (not “me” or “us”) and instead allowing Shin-Ae to define whether he fits under that category as well. Yeong-gi is no longer trying to assert his friendship anymore.

After opening up more in response and letting the boys take her to the hospital to stay with her father, she removes the "Stalker" in Yeong-gi's contact name in her phone, showing development in their relationship since they first met and a large difference in how she sees him now — they're friends, and she thinks so too.

Ep. 89 | Insolence, but only for Shin-ae (and only in secret) & a Kousuke/Yeong-gi parallel

After learning of Shin-Ae's etiquette classes, Yeong-gi enters Kousuke’s office, specifically to start trouble with him. Yeong-gi is shown to try his best lately to obey his family members (namely his father), but once again we see how he is fine with starting trouble, even if it costs him, if it's for those he cares about — despite Kousuke reminding Yeong-gi of the repercussions of getting in trouble with their father, Yeong-gi doesn’t back down.

Kousuke: “You know you’re only going to anger father if he catches you being indolent.”

Yeong-gi: “I don’t give a crap if he finds out.”

Yeong-gi then aggressively asks him about the classes Kousuke put her in:

Kousuke: “It’s for her own good.”

Yeong-gi: “What do you mean, her own good?”

Kousuke: “... She’s the worst employee I’ve ever seen, so I signed her up for classes to fix her issues.”

Yeong-gi: “Have you ever voiced your concerns… tell her what she can improve upon? … She may have her flaws, but she’s a lot more capable than you think!”

Kousuke: “I’m preparing her for what’s to come her way in the future.”

Yeong-gi: “You don’t even know if she wants this career for her future! Everytime I see her, she’s miserable. Like she wants to leave. She’s uncomfortable!”

In my black and white formal analysis, I discuss how there are multiple instances— where Yeong-gi and Kousuke, as well as how they affect Shin-Ae, are purposefully contrasted — and this is paralleled here.

Consistently in these instances, (although Kousuke’s intentions are often good) Yeong-gi is shown to be the one who best understands Shin-Ae. At the very least, Yeong-gi is shown here to care for Shin-Ae enough to confront his brother and potentially face the wrath of his father, despite trying especially hard to be in their good graces recently.

However, it is important to note — Yeong-gi goes out of his way to ensure his intentions of helping Shin-ae are indirect and she does not know. Instead, he tries to help her in roundabout ways, secretly.

Yeong-gi does not want his good intentions to reach her.

Conclusions

Yeong-gi displays a notable difference in how he acts, especially around Shin-ae. His new emerging feelings conflict his insecurities, resulting in a standoffish Yeong-gi who is secretive in his affection, and calculatingly tries to distance himself from Shin-ae. But... this isn't what he truly wants, and is instead, another form of self-sabotage.

However, as time goes on, Yeong-gi cannot keep this facade up indefinitely... and he's occasionally caught off guard, giving us glimpses into what he truly feels.

[naturalbeautyhelp]

Acne Cures on a budget  (revamped)

Acne is a very tricky subject that millions of people struggle with- sometimes for their entire lives. If you have struggled yourself I’m sure you’re aware that there is no cure-all for acne, but there may be some methods for healing the skin that you haven’t heard yet so I’m going to share everything I know with you just in case.  First, the basics:

1. Drink plenty of water and eat healthy foods. This is just a given. If you want to feel comfortable in your skin you may have to make some lifestyle changes. that Includes getting regular exercise and sunlight. 2. Recognize the fact that your skin is an organ. Like any organ it has an ecosystem of healthy bacteria that ought to be treated with care- much like a garden. It will need different things on different days, and in order to reach it’s fullest potential, the gardener (that’s you) will need to pay close attention to it. 

3. Be aware that pimples are infected pores which are attempting to heal themselves. The puss inside of them is a soup of white blood cells which are trying to repair the skin for some reason. Finding the root cause of the infection before treatment is ideal. 

A few common acne culprits: Your acne could be hormonal, it could be caused by allergies (ex: food allergies, detergent allergies), or your skin may be getting bacterial infections from unsanitary surfaces or poor air quality. 

Now to get into the technical stuff: 

~If your skin is hurting, red, swollen, try putting down harsh chemicals like Niacinamide and Retinol, and try something calming like rosehip oil or aloe vera.

  Amaranthus oil, tea tree oil, rapeseed oil, rosewater, and witch hazel are all examples of gentle things that are amazing for the skin. I know natural skin healers can be very expensive, but if you can’t afford them don’t hesitate to steel them from your local, unethical corporate store. If you need tips on s***lifting,  try visiting this Reddit community at   https://www.reddit.com/r/IllegalLifeProTips/

~Rinse your face with cool or cold water every time you wash it. This seals up your pores and prevents dirt and bacteria from entering them.

~Make sure that the things that touch your face every day are clean. Make sure that the cloths and towels that you use on your face are clean. Disinfect face tools regularly and use hot water on wash cloths to kill bacteria between washes.  Clean your glasses. Change your sheets and pillow cases frequently. In addition, avoid touching your face constantly with your hands as well as your hair, and keep your hands and hair clean. 

~⚠️Don’t pick your face! Pimples are like Petri dishes full of puss and bacteria and when you pop them you are just spreading the ickiness around to the rest of your face. In addition to that, every time you pop a pimple you are damaging the barrier of your skin, which not only can cause scarring and dark spots, but it can leave your skin vulnerable to bad bacteria and cause further breakouts. For these reasons, you should only pop a zit as a last resort. 

~Popping: If you have very stubborn acne and insist on popping anyway, go to an aesthetician if you have the privilege to do so

If you can not see an aesthetician, try this method for safe pimple popping: 

Wash the affected area with hot water and a mild soap. Pop the pimple making sure you get EVERYTHING out of it, wash it again with extra hot water, dry it with something clean. Then, apply lots of pressure to the popped pimple so that it doesn't get the chance to “refill” itself (use a q-tip if you have one for at least 30 seconds to 5 minutes depending on how big the pimple is). Next, put some rubbing alcohol, and some diluted tea tree oil on the pimple and cover it with the sticky part of a band-aid. Leave the band-aid on until you are certain that it will not grow back.

~🛑 Stop using all of those skincare products. Obviously if they worked, you wouldn't even be reading this. Using certain products (especially the harsher ones) can cause allergic reactions and sometimes dry out your skin, which can trigger your skin to produce extra oil to overcompensate, which leads to acne. They also tend to eat away at you financially. Break the vicious cycle. Try tossing all of your products and use a mild soap and simple moisturizer for a few weeks before starting anything new again.

If you insist on using acne products then follow this important rule.                 🚨 🚨  Do not use multiple products within the same 3 weeks. Doing this makes it impossible to figure out which products could be helping or causing further damage to your skin.

~Know that many skin care products do have valuable substances, but they use fillers and fragrances that can ruin your skin. Try looking at the ingredients in your skin care products, researching the individual components, and purchasing said components individually. Ex: instead of buying an ‘aloe infused moisturizer’, try purchasing real aloe vera gel- or better yet buy an aloe vera plant- and use that ingredient as you see fit. It can be more cost effective, better for the environment, and a good learning experience. 

~Avoid wearing foundation and concealer. Of course it is tempting to cover acne with makeup, but your makeup can add fuel to the fire by clogging pores and spreading bad bacteria 

~If you are applying makeup to the face, make sure that you are regularly cleaning your brushes and disinfecting your pallets. Dirty makeup supplies don’t just contribute to acne, they can cause gnarly infections in sensitive areas (like the eyes) and send you to the hospital.

Now here are some advanced methods for healing the skin. Feel free to alter them so that they suit your specific needs:

🧖🏾‍♀️The Steam Method:

If you suspect that your soap is a culprit, or you just want to try something new, replace your morning cleansing routine with this (give skin 2 weeks time to purge before deciding whether or not this works for you). Get a light oil, preferably rosehip or coconut, and rub it on your face very well for at least 30 seconds. Then, take a clean washcloth and submerge it in the hottest water you can take. Take the washcloth and firmly press it against the entire surface of your face until it cools. Use the cloth to remove all the oil you can manage. 

🧖🏼‍♀️The other Steam Method:

Get a pot and boil water in it. Put your face over the boiling water (not too close lol) and let the steam open up your pores for 5-10 minutes. After you are done, use a clean, damp washcloth to wipe your face. Then get an ice cube or cold water and put it all over your face to seal your pores back up. Personally I like putting tea in the water sometimes. Peppermint tea and green tea are great. 

🩹 Bandaging:

Now this might sound ridiculous, but I have learned that putting bandages/band-aids onto your face at night can make a world of difference when it comes to acne and hyperpigmentation. My personal method is this: each night after I steam and wash my face, I put tiny bit of rubbing alcohol onto each pimple. I then wash and sanitize my hands with rubbing alcohol, apply diluted tea tree oil to each problem area on my face, and then take an ordinary cloth bandage and cover every zit that I can find. After each zit is covered, I apply moisturizer and serums to the rest of the face as I normally would. Change bandages frequently (1-3 times a day depending on how oily your skin is), and leave them on the affected area until swelling has gone down. Repeat the process as many times as you’d like. 

Usually normal bandaids are fine, but at times when my acne flares up badly I will go so far as to use gauze on large areas of my face. The cloth absorbs any oil that your skin secrets while protecting it from bacteria and sweat all night long, and the bandage seals in the tea tree oil so that it can penetrate your pores. I have noticed that the sticky part of a bandaid does the best job at diffusing large pimples as opposed to the white cloth part which is best for blackheads. 

~If all else fails and you have done your best to cure acne at home, consider talking to a doctor if you have that option. 🥼 They may try to prescribe an acne medication, but these options tend to be extremely expensive and hard on your organs. Ask them if you can try a prescribed antibiotic supplement first. 

Last but certainly not least: Sit with the fact that picture perfect skin is not healthy skin. As mentioned earlier, your skin is an organ. And it’s job is merely to protect your insides- not to get you onto the cover of a magazine. Your skin is not meant to look like the porcelain on a doll. 

💊💊💊💊💊And that is it! wow that was a long post. I hope this can help at least one person out there with their skin troubles because this took forever 

[whump-a-la-mode]

Nemesis - Part 3

This part is a little more plot heavy, but I added in some nice Whumpy bits too! I hope you guys enjoy, and thanks everyone for their suggestions!

Also, the next part of this may be a bit late, as I’m planning for my next piece to be the continuation of Villainsicle!

CW//Mentions of law enforcement, mentions of therapy/treatments, restraints, medical abuse, begging, screaming, forced sedation, needles, blood

Open the door.

It would be so simple. The entrance was constructed of little more than wood and a flimsy lock. Even someone without the benefit of powers could break it. And, based on what Hero had seen so far of this place, it may not have even been locked.

Just open it.

Open the door, and they could sleep again.

Open the stupid door.

But...

Hero’s hands clenched into fists, their gaze moving upwards, fixing upon the metal plaque upon the door.

‘43′

Beyond the simple plank of wood, their nemesis was laying. Suffering. Trapped in their own mind.

They could open the door, just twist the knob, and save them. In any other time, any other instance, it was what they would have done. They knew the way the others spoke of them, joked about them. Saying they’d jump off a bridge, even if their friends hadn’t done it first. They couldn’t control their impulses. That was what Leader always wrote, in the reports. Impulsive. Reckless.

That’s what they were. Reckless.

But that was back when it didn’t matter. That was back when the only one in danger was them. Hero. Now that Villain was part of the equation?

They had to think. They had to be smart.

Hero bit their tongue with enough force that the taste of bloody iron washed over their taste buds.

They didn’t open the door.

Around the corner, a doctor in blue scrubs furrowed their brow, and dipped away to make a phone call.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 

“If I’m being completely honest, Hero, I wasn’t expecting you to contact me again.”

Hacker spoke with their head down, sheepish, as though a child apologizing for breaking a toy.

Again, the two sat in the same diner: It was busy, but crowded enough that they could simply blend into the lunch rush without fuss. To avoid questions, the both of them had ordered an appetizer, though neither of them had much of an appetite to speak of.

“You weren’t? Why’s that?”

“I mean...” They leaned back in their seat, pressing their spine against the padded booth seat back. “I didn’t think you’d care? That sounds kind of rude now that I’m saying it out loud but... The stuff I was showing you, I assumed you were already aware of it.”

“You thought I knew the way Villain was being treated?”

“Kind of? That’s the kind of stuff they tell you, right?”

“Eh...” Hero dropped their gaze. “Not really. That’s not our business. We catch the crook, what happens to them after isn’t really our focus.”

Hacker frowned.

“It’s not?”

“No.”

“So you didn’t know?”

“Not at all. I knew they were at that facility but... I thought it was fine. I thought Villain was fine.”

“Maybe I should have told you sooner, then.”

“You knew?”

“Well.” There came the embarrassment once more, their cheeks flushing. “For the scale of your organization, your cybersecurity is a little... lacking. Everything from that rehab facility, it’s stored on an off-site backup. Their on-site security is decent, but once it goes through that external data channel, it’s caught right in my net.”

“Is that right?”

“Don’t tell anyone, please?”

“Trust me, I wasn’t planning on it. I have much bigger problems than low level hackers.”

“Hey!”

“That’s not to say you’re a low-level hacker.”

“That’s better. Then, if you’re not here to like, arrest me-”

“That’s what you thought I was doing?”

“Kinda. If that’s not what you want, what do you want?”

“I want to know more.”

Hero had made the decision upon planning this meeting that they were not to tell Hacker about their visit to the facility. Despite the aid they had already offered, it was hard to trust someone who admitted to criminality with such nonchalance. And, besides, Hero was almost certain that their superiors wouldn’t be happy to know about their distraction.

“More?”

“You’ve been watching them for a while, right? I want to know more. Everything about Villain, everything about the whole place. How much do you know?”

“A lot. I have a considerable amount of files, though I have no way of knowing how many more there are that I don’t have. How many they keep on-site.”

“But you have information?”

“I have a lot of junk. Taxes, insurance, quarterly reports, formalities. Prescriptions for mundane crap like, I don’t know, allergies. But, I think I have a few diamonds in the rough. You’re going to have to be more specific than that, though. I do need something to work off of.”

Hero nodded, biting their lip. They hadn’t exactly thought this far ahead.

They were getting Villain out of that so-called rehab facility. They knew that much. But they needed to be smart about it. They needed information. They needed to know how they could get their friend- foe out of that place quickly, safely, and with as little noise as possible.

“The facility.” They began. “How does it work? It’s a relatively small facility housing a relatively large number of dangerous criminals. How do they... help them? They’re not all treated like Villain, right?”

“I don’t think there’s enough drugs on the continent to keep them all like Villain. Their methods of treatment are... unclear. The patient reports indicate what therapies each one is undergoing, but they don’t have names. Just numbers. Codes. Whatever they do in there, they keep it in house. My doctor friends have never heard of any of it, before.”

“Then how do they do it? Drugs?”

“If they have some kind of secret therapy, I don’t know about it. But they do have something else. They call it AMRS.”

“AMRS?”

“The Automatic Magnetic Restraint System. A fancy name for a crude practice. They’re vague about it, of course, but from what I can tell, each resident wears these four ring things. Bracelets, it calls them. One on each wrist, one on each ankle. A single push of a button, and they all link together. Any escape stopped in a second.”

“That seems...”

“Cruel? Yeah. But I guess it could be worse. As far as how the facility operates, though, that’s all I have. It’s not drugs, as far as I can tell. I have those dosage reports for everyone, and those that take medicine seem to do so for genuine medical conditions. Insulin, epilepsy medication, that kind of thing.”

“None of the others are sedated?”

“Not officially.”

“But Villain...”

“I think if they were any more heavily sedated, they’d go right from a temporary sleep to a permanent one.”

“You mean-”

“They’d die, yes. It’s called a euphemism, dumbass.”

“I know that. So, what about Villain, do you have anything else on them?”

“They’ve been kept heavily sedated since they arrived. Regular patient records, they just... don’t have them. No behavior reports, no treatment reports, nothing.”

“I guess they’re not really treating them.”

“Yeah.”

“They’ve really been kept like this, ever since I- Ever since they arrived?”

“As far as I can tell, yes.”

“Then it wasn’t reactionary.”

“What do you mean?”

“They didn’t try to like, blow up the facility, or kill up all the staff, or anything?! They were just knocked out. Locked up. They weren’t even given a chance to be good?”

Hacker lowered their gaze, nodding.

“Why?”

“Are you sure you want-”

“You know why?”

“I’m not certain, but-”

“Show me.”

Hacker startled a bit, but nodded once more, starting up their beast of a laptop and typing for a considerable amount of time. Hero could not help but hold their breath, and when the computer was at last turned to face them, they felt about to pass out.

“Wait.” Hacker spun the computer back. “You need to promise me something, first.”

“What?” Hero hated how desperate they sounded.

“Whatever you do, after you see this... please, just think it through.”

“Okay.”

“Do you promise?”

“I promise.”

“Okay.”

The screen was returned to Hero.

They halfway expected another video feed. A video of Villain, destroying and killing and doing something, anything to deserve their current treatment.

Instead, they were faced with an email. Or, at least, a screenshot of one. Passed through enough computers that the jpeg artifacts had begun to show.

An email from Director to Head Doctor.

The text was simple. Curt. A simple request to destroy a life.

“I am certain that you are aware of the new patient you will be intaking tomorrow. I request that you do not classify them among the other patients. Normal intake procedures will be unnecessary. You need only keep them contained. Alive if you can, dead if you must.

Villain must never see the light of day again. I trust that you will be able to accomplish this.

Thank you-- Do not forget that we will be meeting for lunch next Wednesday.”

Not even a hundred words. That was all it took, to turn a spirited fighter to a vegetable.

“Thank you, Hacker. I think... I think I need to go home.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Hero’s parting from the restaurant was sudden enough to make several other patrons look up. Hacker could not help but feel embarrassment well up in their chest. They hated being out in public like this.

They figured, even with the cold food sitting before them, they should be going. Finger on their mouse, they closed the email on the screen, revealing-

Not their desktop.

They had forgotten. They had meant to show Hero and they had forgotten.

Now, the video sat there, waiting. A chipper white arrow informing them that it was ready to play at any time.

They shouldn’t have. Hell, they could have at least waited to go home. But...

Hacker plugged in a set of earbuds, setting the buds themselves in their ears.

They clicked play.

Even on the rather low-quality security camera footage, the crash was loud enough to make Hacker jump. Three lab-coated figures, a mess of limbs and white coats, leapt atop the hospital gown wearing person like a predator after prey.

Villain was not facing the camera, but it made no difference. Their voice made them more than distinctive enough.

“Get the fuck off of me! Get off get off get off!“ The scream was loud enough to break the microphone’s volume filter, turning into a single, mournful screech.

If the labcoats heard, they did not listen. They positioned themselves along their captive’s body-- one holding their legs, one the arms, and one forcing their face to the tile.

“Please!”

The fourth figure wore a different outfit, a pair of blue scrubs, though the camera quality made them appear almost grey. Represented by only a few pixels, the syringe in their hand was none the less distinctive.

“Hold them still, please.” The doctor muttered, kneeling down beside Villain, their hysterical screaming not missing a beat.

“No! No! Please, please don’t do this! I don’t want to go! Please!”

There were no comforting words. Only the satisfied nodding of the head doctor as their needle slipped deftly to a vein and administered its contents.

“What is that, what is that, no no no please!”

A nurse handed down another syringe, and another, and another. The timestamp in the video’s corner dragged on in agonizing slowness as new pinpricks of blood welled up over Villain’s skin.

It took only a few minutes for their screaming to stop. Then their thrashing. Then, they closed their eyes.

It would be a long, long time until they opened them again.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Of course, home was not a place of rest. Not as much as Hero would have liked it to be. They were not a civilian-- they were not that lucky. They did not have the chance to return home to a soft bed and a loving family.

No. When they went home, they went to work.

It was only past noon when they returned home to the HQ. A time at which the towering building stood largely abandoned, its occupants leaving in droves to flood the nearby restaurants like a locust swarm.

Riding the elevator to the floor containing their quarters, Hero hoped beyond hope that their team, too, had gone out.

But, of course, they had no such luck.

They didn’t even make it to their quarters. No, as soon as the elevator doors opened, their heart sunk.

“I saw you walk in.” Leader’s arms were crossed over their chest, a single eyebrow raised. “Let’s go to my office.”

“I was just about to go back to my dorm-”

“Actually, you were just about to follow my orders and go to my office.”

Hero slumped their shoulders. They didn’t have the energy to fight this, especially since they knew it was a fight they couldn’t win.

Leader’s office was a place they had all visited, though never under good circumstances. It was far too immaculately kept for what it was used for, a solid oak desk standing in a room well decorated with house plants and bookshelves. Leader took their seat, and Hero reluctantly did the same, across from them.

“So,” Leader began--they were not one for formalities. “When exactly when you planning on telling me?”

“If you’re going to yell at me about something, you at least have to tell me what.”

“Teammate told me, yesterday. They found out why you’re getting so distracted.”

Hero dropped their gaze. They weren’t exactly surprised about this. They only hoped Teammate had kept their mouth shut about their plans.

“It’s really nothing.” Hero tried. “I’ll get over it.”

“This anniversary you’re getting so upset over was ten days ago. By the time you get over it, another year will have already passed. So, no. You’re not getting out of it that easily. I need to know what’s gotten you so worked up.”

Hero gripped the arm of their chair.

“I’m worried. That’s all. Worried about Villain. It’s been too long. They’ve been so silent for so long.”

Leader frowned.

“I can personally assure you that Villain is being well taken care of. The rehabbers have more experience than you could imagine.”

“That’s just it! Villain spent so long terrorizing the city, and they’re still here. But they’re so quiet.”

Leader sighed, sitting up straight in their chair.

“This isn’t just a minor distraction. You need to know that. It’s reflecting on your performance, and heavily. Enough that Director has noticed.”

“Director?”

“Yes. They asked me about the situation, and I informed them of your current problem. They stated that, if it really is such a concern to you, they can have Villain moved to another facility. Somewhere farther.”

“No!”

“What? They think it would help, really. Out of sight. Out of mind.”

“No. They need to be here.”

“And why would that be?”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 

Thanks so much for reading! Just like last time, there are two options along with every part of this story. Alongside each options is a question, so that you guys can give more specific suggestions if you so wish. The option that receives the most votes will be the choice that our Hero makes!

A.) Leader can help. Tell the truth - Should Hero tell Leader about Director’s role in Villain’s condition?

B.) Leader can also ruin the whole operation. Lie - What should Hero do next?

[chamomiledelight]

ME WHEN !! ME WHEN @kasplikovsky AKS ABOUT MY OCS !! i don’t have much on these guys but ill tell you some of the stuff ive got !!!! the blonde kid is named devon, but nobody really calls him that. he’s one of those kids who just has a ton of nicknames because everyone forgets his name, but hat guy usually just calls him dev or blondie or something really simple because he doesn’t think dev’s cool enough for a better one (aka he can’t come up with anything else) ALSO funny enough he really likes blondies, like the brownie things, but they make his stomach hurt a lot so he doesn’t really eat them. he’s allergic to ““literally everything” and is lactose intolerant,, he has a really bad pollen allergy and it annoys the living life out of him. he’s kinda forgettable in terms of popularity and he’s in a ton of extracurricular stuff but nobody actually knows who he is. he has almost everyone’s number but never really texts them. he’s still trying to figure out why, because maybe he’d have more friends if he did that. he’s generally a very nervous person and gets really anxious in heavy social situations ; he’s always fiddling with something, usually his hands, a pencil (he has a special pencil that he has to use yk), or his shirt. he’s big on texture and everything he uses has to feel good or else he gets really upset, so he has like three shirts and sweaters that he filters through. he’s actually really snappy and know it all like, but he’s really good at school. it’s not really something he has to think about, he kinda just reads a ton and knows everything . never knows anything when it’s convenient to a specific situation though. he has a little sis named trish as mentioned and loves her a lot. they play dnd together even though it’s just them, and he made jackie (hat guy) draw her character (she’s a barbarian orc!!!) because he knows that he loves ar5 a lot. she was super happy with it and likes jackie a lot more than dev does. he originally didn’t like him because he saw him as some dumb jock who couldn’t give two mqiosms abiut his future and refused to stand up for himself. thought he was a very shallow person and took to (pointedly) avoiding him whenever he could.

the hat guy is named jackie !!! well his name is jack but again everyone just knows him as jackie. a lot of his friends don’t even really know that jack is his real name (they don’t know much about him in general, though). he plays basketball and is friends with the entire team, but they don’t really know anyth8mg about him. they don’t really care, either. the only reason they really like him is because he’s good at the game, and he’s very much aware of this, but puts up with them anyway because he doesn’t want to be seen as a loser by the rest of the school. he knew who devon  was, though never actually knew his name. just saw him around a lot and easily picked up on the fact that he didn’t like him, and decided to hate him back. he seemed stuck up and kinda mean, so yk why would jackie want anything to do with him?? eventually helped him out though and found out he was stuck with him pretyy much, and started to like him a lot. jackie is pretty laid back and very, VERY bad at school. his grades are terrible, but he doesn’t care to9 much about getting them up because he’s been told his whole life that he’s probably not going anywhere good anyway. he’s thinking that his future will probably just be some cookie cutter depressed accountant type thing, and he’s fine (not really) with it. although he really wants to be a painter, he’s pretty much given up on it, and hasn’t bothered with art classes or showing his work anywhere. he’s desensitized to a lot of crazy things by now, so he’s pretty monotone in general. he picked up art as a side hobby to cope with things, and eventually got really good. devon really likes his art and eventually jackie painted him !!!! trying to urge him to show his art somewhere, but he’s really hesitant about it. he actually .. doesn’t like basketball. he (and dev) think that it’s a really stupid sport, but after being urged into it by his father he’s sort of stuck with it. plus, it keeps him popular and liked, so he isn’t going to just quit it. he tells people it means a lot to him and has gotten into fights with dev about how personal it is to him, but he’s wearing thin with both the players and the sport itself. he values being liked a LOT and likes all the attention he gets, even though he’s aware it’s not because they actually like him. ALSO a he’s a hopeless romantic (in secret) and his favorite movie is the breakfast club.

him and devons relationship progress is weird but i may make something on it

[toujoursmiraculous]

Thoughts and Reaction to Mr. Pigeon 72!

I knew this was going to be a really good episode, just because the synopsis we got and the trailer seemed pretty bland. Whenever ML does that, a lot of big things happen in that episode. I screamed and choked on my water in the opening scene where Ladybug's with Alya in Marinette's room. I've been looking forward to Alya and Marinette scenes sooo much since Gang of Secrets! Wayzz & Alya: Hey Marinette, you should take a break and rest. Marinette: Nah, I'm good I gotta keep working Alya: YOU'RE LOSING IT, GIRL! Marinette: Don't care, must work Alya: Okay... you know Adrien and Kagami broke up, right? Marinette: Wait what?! Oh no, Kagami needs me! Alya: Not the reaction I was expecting but okay "Let's not wait for the storm to pass, but let's dance in the rain." I really like this quote! Even during bad times, you need to find the good and enjoy it. And Marinette reaaaally needs to do that. But in a literal sense, please don't dance outside during a dangerous storm.

ALYA AND TRIXX ALDJFSLJDS oh I love them, I'm so happy we'll get to see more of them. The way they both reacted to Marinette saying she has to go console Kagami, they weren't expecting that. xD But I was! I find it very amusing how in episodes like Frightningale she was more upset with Chloe being Ladybug than Chloe being in a video with Adrien that Alya's shocked by her decision, and in Frozer where Marinette was putting Adrien's wants before hers. I really don't understand why people think just because she likes Adrien, she'd not want to help make those around her happy even if it wasn't what she wanted for herself. I'm not surprised at all that Marinette would do this for Kagami, but I'm very happy that she is. "Alya, in Paris, Kagami has no other friend except me. Only I can console her." This makes me so happy. The only times in this show I like Kagami, is when she's with Marinette. After watching this episode, I'm more and more thankful she finally told Alya about being Ladybug I don't even want to know the state she'd be in had she not. O.O She almost ran out of her room as Ladybug (whoops), then almost ran out in her pjs (again, oops). Thanks to Alya, she didn't do either. xD That little detail where Marinette runs out and the sun's really intense, letting us know she's been inside a really long time, so everything outside is really bright. I really appreciate the little things like that. Or at least, that's what I take it as. Unless they're hinting at summer coming up soon... Dang Marinette, just jumps on Kagami's back LOL Kind of reminds me how Chat Noir likes to come up on Ladybug. xD "Your so original friend." Marinette is pretty original! I know the tone implies that's not a good thing, but eh. She's letting her go with Marinette and spend time away, so who cares! Marinette trying really hard to convince Kagami to get back with Adrien and how she's going to help her. I think it's really sweet of her, but Kagami of course clearly doesn't want to. Plagg: What's wrong with you, jumping into ice water! YOU'RE LOSING IT! Adrien: *exposes duffle bag full of Camembert* Plagg: I take back everything I said about you Also huh, Alya just told Marinette she's losing it, now Plagg tells Adrien he's losing it...hmmm. Bob Roth is a horrible person and each time we see him, he does something else to show it. Poor Adrien's allergic to pigeons specifically. I guess he's okay with some birds but not others? Idk? But he told Gabriel it'd be doves, so he approved. But it turned out to be pigeons instead. To be fair, at least in the US, Mourning Doves are often mistaken as pigeons, at least where I live, so they'd make a decent substitute... if it wasn't for Adrien's allergy. Adrien in Gorizilla to Wayhem: If you stop following me around screaming, I think we could be good friends! Wayhem with Cardboard Cut-out Adrien in Mr. Pigeon 72: ADRIENNNNNNN! :/ Marinette has a bag full of everything she may need in all kinds of situations. Comes in handy but good grief girl! How do you lug that all around??? What kind of scenarios do you think up to think of

some of that stuff!? Marinette's so adorable in her bathing suit awwww! Dude. Bob Roth. He said he's allergic to pigeons! And you blame Mr. Ramier because Adrien sneezed and it scared the pigeon away? How is this man successful again? He doesn't listen to anything or anybody. Marinette's like hey Kagami, look at Adrien. You'll start liking him again. Do you feel your heart beating fast now? And she's like "I feel especially bad for the trainer (Mr. Ramier)". I mean same though. He's being treated horribly! x.x Next take, Adrien dives and he sees Marinette with Kagami. But I think he only saw Marinette. Because he says he thought he saw a friend from school (Kagami doesn't attend their school, just the fencing class, as far as we're aware) and also he makes no mention of Kagami at all in this episode. Which means...

Why's your jaw dropping at the sight of your "just a friend" in a bathing suit, Adrien? And, you know, Kagami's literally right there in a bathing suit, too. Just saying. But it's like she's not even there to him. Hmmmmm. Poor Kagami's like, this entire thing is embarrassing, I feel embarrassed for me, Adrien, and this situation. Kagami: Marinette, stop! It's getting crazy! Marinette: Love is crazy! Don't think about it! I love how the more Marinette tries to help Kagami, the more things are working out in Marinette's favor. Interesting, isn't it? The more she tries to tell Adrien her feelings and make opportunities for them, the more they fail. The more she tries to help Kagami, or someone else, the more opportunities for her land in her lap. Hahahahaha the way they both fall LOL "Marinette? 😮" *guilty smile* AND THEN THEY TAKE DOWN POOR EDGAR! :( Mr. Ramier's in the background giving the poor bird CPR as he's drowned and Marinette and Adrien are just casually talking not paying attention lolol "What are you doing here?" "I came to surprise you." Kind of, she was hoping to help Kagami get back with Adrien. So that's a kind of surprise! "Uh, well to relax!" True too, actually. Alya did send her off because she needed to get out of the house and relax from her Ladybug and Guardian duties. Marinette, everyone needs to be careful when at a pool. Clumsy people like you especially need to be careful! lol Good thing Adrien's already seen her fall so many times, it's nothing new lol Gabriel: It's a failure Bob Roth: It's not my fault, it's his! Mr. Ramier: You are under arrest! Edgar is my best friend. He's the most intelligent of the pigeons! Gabriel: It's a pigeon Bob Roth: WHAAAT? IT'S A PIGEON? RAMIER, YOU LIED TO ME. Sorry Gabriel, I'll replace this man! I know a shark trainer First off... LOL that whole scene XDD I actually knew Bob Roth was going to say that entire thing before I heard it lolol Second... awww Edgar's okay! c: and third... I'M SORRY, YOU WANT OUR PRECIOUS BOY TO BE AROUND SHARKS?!?!? Who keeps this man employed?!?! Idk why but this whole time I thought that everyone would turn into giant talking pigeons lol ah well "I realized my mistake! We'll recreate the moment where you fell in love!" ohhh? Like I mentioned earlier, whenever she tries to do something to help Kagami (or someone else) that's when her intentions work out best for her. 😉 One of my favorite things from Style Queen was Plagg and Ladybug working together. Now they're working together again and just... ahhhh I gushed so much at that scene! x3 YESSSSSSS what I've been waiting for! Ladybug can just call Alya now and be like hey, I need your help! And Alya can just be like okay cool, and either goes to her room to get the Miraculous herself, or finds her and gets the Miraculous. So cool! Of course, I'll be most excited if she ever gets to just keep it on her, but... baby steps. Rena did a phenomenal job speaking as both Ladybug and Chat Noir lol. She's such a fan of them both, she knows just how they are around each other. Oh, oh no. We're trapped against a wall by a few pigeons. Looks like our only option is to give up and remove our Miraculous and reveal our identities. Are you seriously buying that, Gabriel? Plagg's like HELLO I'll be taking this! Alya did everything from inside Marinette's room. Ladybug was trapped in that room at the pool the entire time. All it took for this akuma to be defeated was Illusion that can be done from anywhere and Plagg getting the object off Mr. Pigeon. That's amazing! Also, this is the first time Ladybug didn't have to actually see things around her to know what to do. She just focused and thought about it. o.o Okay so hold up. Thanks to Alya, Marinette now knows she can create charms to protect past akuma victims and keep them from getting reakumatized, which is wonderful. I love how much of an impact Alya knowing is having! BUT How exactly does Monsier Rat come about then if he has a charm to protect him??? 🤔🤔🤔 I really like how her drive to want to figure things out was

especially because Mr. Ramier's been akumatized so many times, and she wanted to help him from having to continue to go through that. "This girl is truly Miraculous" awww cute how he got to just watch that this time.

I screamed at this moment because I knew. Since Origins, we have not seen this exact sky. Even during rainy scenes like in Chat Blanc or New York, they didn't look like this. YES, Kagami knows that the way Marinette feels about Adrien shows how much she loves him, but she knows she doesn't feel that way about Adrien too. And "You're right, Adrien is perfect... perfect for you." With a smile and everything! Awwwwww! This acceptance, and the Marinette and Kagami friendship in this episode is really, really good! 😭 "Wow, have you kept it [the umbrella] all this time?" She sure wasn't expecting that!! But wow Adrien, you noticed? Then Coup de Foudre happens again. Yeah, this girl is never getting out of her feelings for him.

Of course she's having trouble with her words still, but that's okay. But she's like oh, I'll give it back, and he just pushes it to her and says she'll need it to get home... unless she'd like a ride with him. AND SHE ACTUALLY ACCEPTED AND WRAPPED HER ARM AROUND HIS OMG.

To then only have the umbrella close on BOTH of them!

AND THEN ASKS IF HE WANTS TO WALK INSTEAD BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE UMBRELLA! She's come so far! And the sheer disappointment when he remembers he can't because of his Chinese lesson :/ And then, because he can't not be looking at Marinette, he hits the back of his head on the car, making himself look silly, just like in Origins she made herself look silly. This time she laughs, and he laughs with her. And it's literally Umbrella Scene 2.0 and it's absolutely everything.

DORKS ❤️❤️❤️ "They are made for each other." awwwww instead of Master Fu, this time it's Kagami. And she sounds very okay with that, that's so nice. "Let's not wait for the storm to pass, but let's dance in the rain." Then proceeds to dance in the rain!

Ahhh what a refreshing, good episode after how much she's been struggling and crying! So lovely! Her friendships with Alya and Kagami were really strong in this episode, her doing her best to help her friend with the guy she herself has always liked, and then Kagami was the one that wasn't really into it, and it made both girls realize that Marinette loves Adrien and is the one best for him, not Kagami. And I'm pretty sure this episode helped Adrien to open his eyes to Marinette more too. At least, this is the beginning of that, anyway! Alya's such a tremendous help to Ladybug now, which is everything. I do wonder if more friends will very slowly start to find out her identity and they end up contributing more to bringing down Hawk Moth, so she really, really isn't alone like she once thought. I don't really have any complaints about this episode at all! Just a bit sad we had no actual Chat Noir, but we got Ladybug and Plagg from it, so it's fine with me! x3 I know some may see it as "Chat Noir isn't necessary, how dare they do this to him!" but no, he's very necessary, sometimes he just can't be there and she can't do it alone. You have to remember how much Chat Noir means to Ladybug, and that she wouldn't even BE Ladybug if it weren't for Chat Noir! I'm really curious now about what episode 5 is, since now we've gotten Episodes 1-4, 6, we're getting 7,8, and 13 later, and we've already gotten 11. Filling in the gaps for the first half of the season! This entire week is going to be crazy with the new episodes, and for each one I'll be writing one of these posts for, so be on the look out for them!

[snacc-noir]

Unseal and Reveal pt2

Ao3

Part 1

Adapted from this post

Summary:

Adrien asks Marinette to fake date him after his father finds a pink ‘love note’ containing just her name on it

— but it was really the emergency note Ladybug gave him in case he needed to know her identity

Adrien has screwed up. 

But before anything begins, he’d like to make it very clear that he’s only ever had good intentions, believable smiles, and incredible lying ability – no matter what his friends say (“You once told Alya you had a great dentist so Marinette wouldn’t be suspicious”), because he’s kept the fact he’s Chat Noir under wraps and no one has been the wiser. 

Then again, Chat Noir is stylish, handsome, incredibly dressed, insanely hilarious, im(pecc)ably ripped, totally— 

Yeah, so Adrien just can’t live up to that (If it came down to it, he’d totally fall in love with himself if circumstances allowed.), and thus his identity is pretty secure , unlike his self-esteem on a good day. 

Specifically, today. 

Because he has screwed up.  

So yes, he’s somehow the best and worst liar ever, which probably likens to how it isn’t his secret identity that he Accidentally (three underlines for ‘accidentally’) reveals, but, uh, someone else’s. 

Ladybug’s. 

He knows Ladybug’s identity.  

But hey! Hey— remember, her idea. It was never him who suggested the ‘let’s write our names on letters in case we need to know in an emergency’, as that was definitely her. 

He’s screwed everything up, but it was definitely her. 

“Did you know? ” 

“Duh,” his kwami’s gravel voice says, “I know everything.” 

Adrien’s hands are rousing his hair so much at this point he might expose himself as Chat Noir if anyone went by his lean windows. “You knew this whole time!? That Ladybug is– That she’s– That—”  

All air escapes him in a corrupt elongated syllable. He flops on his Extra King size bed with silk sheets and fluffed pillows, almost knocking his model agency’s branded hydro-flask onto the desk adjacent with three exorbitant monitor screens. Oh, how difficult his life is.  

“You’re so pathetic.” 

He is.  

“This is hilarious.” 

It is not.  

‘“What am I supposed to do, Plagg?! Call her? ‘Hey love of my life, it’s me Adrien, but you also know me as Chat Noir. I accidentally found out your identity and long story short, my household thinks we’re dating and wants you over for dinner. Are you up for fake-dating and not killing me, please?” 

His kwami skulls a camembert roll. “I’m down for that idea.” 

Adrien pegs a sock. 

“How are you so calm?” 

“I shrugged in the face of dinosaur extinction. Your damsel in distress crisis – you’re the damsel, by the way – and ‘oohhh no, I’m so in love’ hullabaloo is nothing.” 

Adrien’s frown deepens. “I don’t sound like that.” 

“You do. Your voice goes like eee .” 

“What? No it doesn’t” 

“You’re right, it’s more like ahhh . ” 

The heat in Adrien’s acid eyes smarten. He crosses his arms, huffing in a way he hasn’t since early childhood, and glares at his ceiling. “I’m done talking to you.” 

He isn’t, of course, as there’s only one person in his life he can complain to about his array of #RelatableTeenBoy issues, like ditching your favourite topic of Physics one class to cater to a Giant Baby akuma (again) and being late due to lack of places to change into your skin-tight cat suit (you know; just those little things). And by Hawk Moth’s insufferable menacing he isn’t letting that outlet fall from under him. He needs to clear his thoughts, because believe him, there is a lot to sift, and it doesn’t help when part of this whole catastrophe has left him with the knowledge that— 

“Marinette is Ladybug!” 

Plagg has moved to Adrien’s three-panelled computer desk and is clicking through something. “I’m so glad you’ve caught up.” 

“And if she’s Ladybug, that means,” he goes on, white overshirt sleeves now uneven as he animates his words with a pillow, “she was just saying to me – to Chat – she was in love with him to save her identity! And there’s another boy she’s in love with! And–! And I might know who it is!” 

“Who?” Plagg asks, the volume juxtaposing his welder’s. 

“I said 'might’.” 

The keys click louder. “You mean because you know Ladybug in real life you could have met him before? Or you actually know him?” 

“I don’t know! I just know that Marinette’s… She’s in love with another guy.” The earlier exhilaration drains and his chest feels hollow and soul-sucking. “Wait– I can’t ask her to be my fake-girlfriend!” 

The destructive god scrolls through the itemised shopping cart to double-check his fromage orders without any fear of his owner noticing. Well you obviously don’t have a choice. Your dad wants her over for dinner. Besides, it’s Ladybug, remember? She’ll do anything to help a friend out.” 

Ladybug. 

Marinette. 

Of course.  

There are still many things that don’t add up (Multimouse: just how?) but of course. 

He can’t risk his own identity and hers to his father. He must keep the façade up. And if that mean s falling on his knees in front of who unarguably should be the most glorified woman in the world, crying to her to please just be his fake – very much, but unfortunately fake – girlfriend.  

He will. 

He’ll do it right now. 

- 

“I can’t believe you chickened out.” 

Walks to school, even with the cost of waking up earlier, are always more refreshing than drives in cold silence. The freedom here is less pale, and he can hiss at Plagg all he wants with only the dignity loss of onlookers noticing him crankily talking to himself. 

“Oh wait, yes I can. Because you’re a coward~. ” 

“I did not ‘chicken out’,” Adrien snaps. “And I’m no coward. I just— I need to speak to her in person instead. This way, she didn’t have to receive an unwanted call so late.” 

 “You mean six?” 

He huffs. “Marinette needs all the sleep she can get.” He pokes the creature back into his overshirt. “She’s always so busy. Even you’ve seen her collapse in class. Wait—!” 

The only one that waits is himself, columned with the line of trees ahead, locked in the interval of his soap opera as his audience darts for a shiny rock near a fire hydrant. 

“Because she’s Ladybug too! Of course! Of course! This makes so much sense! She’s so tired and overworked! It’s no wonder she’s all over the place – in the best of ways, I mean, she’s literally adorable when she’s frantic. Wait, have I always thought that? Have I always seen Marinette as the cutest thing ever? Her spluttering is so endearing. And if she’s already so tired, I can’t make her fake date me, too! She’s already so stressed! I’d literally be the scum of the earth if I even dare—” 

Plagg is staring at him with flat interest. Humbly aware of his judgement, Adrien swallows, letting the air untense and clams his hands – eager to narrate his animated allegory – in his pockets in strife to get a grip.  

He sighs. 

“What if I mess it up, Plagg?” 

He inventories his new rock in Adrien’s satchel. A hymn of silence roots in the place of what should be a snide remark. But there is no fed-up comment, just a kwami wriggling under his overshirt out of sight and a solemn voice that issues from it,  

“Kid, you’re partners. You work together. You forgive each other. You trust each other. And if Ladybug trusts you,” he sticks his head out a little more, “find it in you to trust yourself. You won’t mess this up if you put her and her identity’s safety first, which I know you will, because you love her and you’re a great hero.” 

Adrenaline dampening, Adrien smiles.  

“Thanks, Plagg.” 

- 

Marinette has never believed in bad luck until she met Chat Noir (fifty Mr Pigeon akumatisations this year with a feather allergy? The next lucky charm is going to be an Epi-pen) and for a while, she didn’t believe in good luck, even with being Ladybug. 

But that was then. Back then, meaning like, ten minutes ago before she was invited to stay back after PE by Adrien. 

Right now, though? Right now, she’s decided she’s going to hand-sew a bedazzled shirt embossed with, “Goddess of Luck” to wear while Ladybug on patrol (and on the back, a quote she woke up to on Instagram this morning: ‘“can also kick ass” – Adrien Agreste’ (she took ten screenshots when he posted that)), because Marinette has good luck.   

“You’ll be doing me a huge favour,” the ass-kicking quoter says on an afternoon she has not planned to receive the most exciting request of her life. 

And you know what she says? 

You know what the stuttering girl who may as well trademark the word ‘GAH’ she falls that much, says? 

You’ll never guess. 

No really, you won’t. 

Because turns out, Marinette Dupain-Cheng is more than just accomplished. 

So what if she thrones the winning title of a Gabriel fashion comp? What even matters of being class president and an all-around likable person? Who takes notice of another fashion mogul inviting you to live in New York because of your talent? ––An invitation you had to decline because, you know, being Paris’ zero-pay superheroine has a sprinkle more of importance. And oh, did she mention she’s Ladybug? Because she’s Ladybug. A superhero.  

But none of that matters right now. 

“I’d be happy to help.” 

Because she’s said yes.  

She—Marinette McStutter Dupain-Cheng—has said yes with her mouth (not vague hand animations over blubbering nonsense) to Adrien, and although her muscles are locked with their key over the Eiffel tower (and the tiny detail that her thoughts are screaming so much she can’t hear a thing of his relief and numerous ‘thank you’s), she’s still said yes!  

Screw every other accomplishment. She’s said yes to being Adrien’s fake girlfriend. 

Ladybug? Nah, that’s Mrs. Fake Agreste to you.  

Good luck is real.  

Okay but sure, ‘Fake girlfriend’ doesn’t exactly live up to ‘Very real girlfriend’, but being a fake isn’t that bad! She’s seen Lila do it every day for months – oh, hang on, no actually the term ‘fake’ has very negative and huge implications, then. However, in Marinette’s heavenly-blessed case, ‘fake’ means she’s doing a very big favour for a friend and is going to get more time with Adrien – just to name a few positives.  

“Seriously Marinette, you have no idea how much this means to me. I can’t believe I’m so lucky to have a friend like you.” 

‘Oh honey, I’m the lucky one. ’ 

“It’s– It’s no problem! Yeah! Really, I’ll come to dinner, no problem! It can’t be too hard. I can be your girlfriend! Eugh– Pretend girlfriend. It’s not hard being in love with you! I mean– Ugh!” 

The monstrosity that is the never-shutting-up hole in her face is blocked off by frantic hands, stifling the last of her eloquent groan. But peering up, she realises she really has underestimated how much this means to Adrien, because he looks like he’s poised on a cliff of ecstasy ready to fall – eyes verdant, big, and lushed over with a hue of moisture that twinkles, and a smile so bright and toothy the sunlight hollowing out the remaining shade of the PE stadium glints off it.  

In fact, her mess of a speech is such a compliment to Adrien that her locked-limbed body is suddenly engulfed by his. Startled in delightful senses of the word, she squeaks, and he quickly pulls away, face a few rose tones darker than before as his hands twitch at his side unsurely. 

“Uhh, I guess we have to get planning.” 

She watches in transfixed attraction as Adrien picks both their schoolbags up, finally blurting (without any squeak, she may add), 

“Y–Yes. We do.” 

(she didn’t say any stutter, so shut up.) 

“Would your father let you come over right now since school’s almost finished?” 

He casts a look to the exit thoughtfully. His flawless side-profile in high resolution before her, she sees the corner of his mouth quirk up in an unsettling familiar way, as if his whole charisma shifts to someone else’s.  

They do need to plan; to run away together, where only they share this odd secret - a place alone together where they'll look each other eye-to-eye and practice their sonnets of love to construct a believable facade for his father-

“It’s more fun sneaking to my girlfriend’s house, isn’t it?” 

That time, she squeaks.

And comes to the daunting realisation:

Marinette is screwed. 

[scriptlgbt]

in the story i’m planning, the two main characters are a brother and sister who were separated when they were very young (the brother around age ten and the sister around age six) and reunite as adults (their mid-to-late thirties). the sister is a trans woman and had not come out / realized she was trans while growing up with her brother. during their separation the brother starts wearing a mask and using only a code name at all times—because of this, she has no idea what he looks like or what his real name is and he doesn’t realize who she is even though they’ve been traveling together for months. eventually an antagonist reveals the identities and backgrounds of several main characters, including the brother, and then the sister. this is the part i’m struggling to approach—how can i properly do a reveal about the sister so that the brother knows she’s his family without framing it as blatant outing? if the villain were to say “your sister, [deadname]” and the brother expresses some confusion like “i don’t have a sister?” would it be alright for the villain to say something like “i should clarify, i am referring to the one now going by [name]” and the brother realizes who she is? i’m writing this as a cis woman and i feel like this approach is problematic but i am not sure how else to approach the reveal. if this doesn’t work do you have any advice on how else i can do it? thank you!

Your instincts that your approach is problematic are definitely right. It’s literally an outing and the trans character’s deadname is used as a weapon. These kinds of stories can sometimes work, but those kinds of stories are usually by trans authors trying to explain to an audience that it is morally wrong to out someone and use their deadname as a weapon against them. That, or it’s a trans author writing something that’s meant to be cathartic for a trans audience, or to depict the deep evilness of a specific character, or some other deeply important reason. (Mainly, those scenes and plot tools require trans authors, the majority of the time if not all, I’d say.) Explaining a trans character’s identity to an audience is just not a good enough reason to use a scene like that, in my opinion.

I’m not personally going to go so far as to say that you should never even consider the existence of a deadname for your trans characters, BUT I question the relevance, because it’s almost never actually necessary in 99.99% of the occasions most authors of trans characters seem to think. I just need people to deeply question why there is this compulsion to include something like that as some kind of go-to option. It can be avoided the vast majority of the time.

To give actual advice on trying to communicate this to the characters and the reader, we have a stealth tag that will probably help you in terms of inspiration.

Specific to a situation like this, I would probably find some ways to hint at something like this being possible earlier on. Something like pointing out coincidences that are more common when people are related (like similar stature, allergies, whatever), or mentioning a shared memory of their sibling. Or a very clear birthmark, or port wine stain, or some other thing that’s distinctive.

I also think that it might be a pretty nice subversion of common tropes like this to have the cis brother be able to immediately accept the possibility that he has no idea who the person he once knew could actually have become. Including the possibility of that person being a woman. (... Just don’t frame that as a joke.) Being open to your missing family being anybody makes a lot more sense to me than thinking you would be able to recognize the six-year-old you knew decades later.

Making it a big dramatic reveal is... dangerous and generally not okay. We’ve written on this a bit over the years but I’m struggling to remember what specific post to link that would be helpful for this. Among other reasons, avoid it because if something like that happened in real life, it would probably give a trans person some extreme trauma (to have a friend out them, let alone an enemy) and cause someone to fear for their life if not be in immediate danger. A villain respecting a character’s Actual gender does not guarantee safety if they are literally committing the act of outing someone. Outing is a dangerous act and it causes harm in itself. It’s terrifying.

Think of it like having all of your clothes taken from you in front of people you do not know or trust. You had no way of fighting to keep those clothes on. You have no way to get those clothes back. You just have to live in the cold, maybe until you freeze to death.

Another thing you could try is to have a scene like that but before the villain can say anything, it’s immediately guessed by the brother that his sister is his sister, with the smallest amount of external hinting. Because other coincidences have lined up.

You don’t have to have the brother and sister sharing everything and trusting each other in order to hint at commonalities either - there’s definitely ways that things can slip up that work together to paint a picture. Like being early risers, being able to trade shoes in an emergency because they have the same size, having similar cultural backgrounds that they are both aware of even if they don’t necessarily have the same relationship with that background.

- mod nat

[thewayshedreamed]

This Time— Part 2

A Nessian Fan Fic

Fic Masterlist

Alright, here it is! All of your responses to my first post were so encouraging, so I thank all of you for that! I was so nervous to post anything that I’ve written, and y’all made me feel so welcomed. Anyway, here’s the continuation of my angsty Nessian fic, This Time. It’s a long one, but I wanted to give some insight into Nesta’s headspace while also setting the occasion for the next part! Hope y’all enjoy it.

If you missed part one, you can find it here.

———————————————————————————-

A dull throb in her temples caused Nesta to stir in the early hours of Sunday morning. She was vaguely aware that it was raining, thunder rolling in a steady rhythm. She turned onto her back and gritted her teeth at the intensifying pain in her head. It suddenly radiated from her temples, meeting in the middle of her forehead and behind her eyes. For the briefest of moments, she wondered about the luck she had (or didn’t have) to wake up feeling like this. No recent illness, no allergies, no alcohol the night before. She blinked into the darkness as she considered, willing her cognition to catch up to her conscious state. Her answer became apparent when her eyes felt gritty as she blinked, and upon rubbing them, she felt a faint tenderness over and around her lids.

Ah, that’s right. The crying.

The events of the previous night flooded her memory.

I’m so gone for you...

You should go...

We can’t be friends after this conversation.

You don’t mean that...

The maddeningly soft click of the door echoed in her mind repeatedly, emulating the rhythm of her heartbeat. She slammed her eyes shut and turned sharply onto her side to bury her face into the pillow.

So often, people talk about the all-consuming relief that comes with waking from a nightmare and realizing none of it was real. These are the stories told at dinner with family or friends, at lunch with co-workers, or at larger social gatherings. Account after account is shared of cheating spouses, car accidents, home invasions, etc., followed by an expression of overwhelming relief at realizing it was all a dream.

Almost never do people discuss the ugly alternative. The micro-interval of time immediately upon waking where one exists in blissful ignorance, followed by the sudden gut-punch of recollection. The ambush of emotions surrounding some life-altering event.

Nesta caught herself grasping for that tiny shred of time, just moments prior, where she was only navigating a headache.

She felt her pulse quicken and her body start to flush, both being clear indicators of her heightened anxiety. Her heart thundered in her chest, and she felt a slight tremble starting to run through her chest and stomach. She closed her eyes as tears threatened to pool yet again and focused on taking a few deep breaths. She lazily reached out, feeling around until she located another pillow across her too large bed. She clutched it tightly against her chest and abdomen, willing it to ground her somehow. Tucking it close to her body and keeping an iron grip, she started to count her breaths until she finally drifted back to sleep.

———-

She had to cancel lunch with Elain and Feyre that Sunday, having slept long enough that she didn’t have enough time to make herself presentable. After explaining that she was suffering from a crippling headache (with no mention of its origin), they sent their well wishes and told her to call if she needed absolutely anything.

Her mornings persisted in a similar manner for the rest of the week. Usually one to rise on her first alarm, she couldn’t find the motivation to do so no matter how hard she tried. She snoozed her alarm a half-dozen times, finally dragging herself out of bed to dress quickly, grab a protein bar, and fly out the door for work.

Work served as a decent distraction from current events. She stayed busy and engaged, allowing her to completely ignore her phone and avoid any personal questions. She knew her sisters would be worried after telling them she was ill, and it was a matter of time before news of her and Cassian’s fight permeated their group of friends. Her sisters would likely put two and two together. Busy bodies. Fiercely loyal, protective, and supportive, but busy bodies all the same.

Several evenings that week she had received several variations of “check in” texts from them, as well as a couple of their friends.

Elain:

”Hey, Nes! Hoping you’re feeling better. Just wanted to check in and see how you are!”

Feyre:

”Just checking in, sister! I hadn’t heard from you since we cancelled lunch, so I hope you’re doing okay! Love you!”

Mor:

”Hi, love! I haven’t seen you in DAYS. Far too long. Please tell me I’ll see you soon! And that you’re alive and well. <3”

Amren:

“Alright. Spill. What’s going on with you? You haven’t responded to anything I’ve sent you, and I’ve sent you some funny shit.”

Nesta drafted one text, copying and pasting it to each and every one of them. She didn’t have the emotional energy to answer the question at all, much less several times over.

“Hey! Thanks for checking on me. I’m sorry I’m just getting back to you! Things have just been crazy this week. I’ve been busy, but I’m fine! We’ll get together soon.”

She stared at the lie over and over again.

I’m fine...

I’m fine...

Although, deep down, she knew. If she were fine, she wouldn’t keep scrolling to a certain text thread. She wouldn’t be reading and re-reading their previous conversations, and she definitely wouldn’t be focused on the date and time stamp of the last received message from days ago.

———

Nesta had been conflicted about Saturday all week long. She had very specific plans: sleep as late as her body would possibly allow, have coffee on the back porch, catch up on her reading, take a long nap, stream as much nonsense television as she could handle, have a bottle of wine, go to sleep. She had been looking forward to the peaceful oblivion of deep sleep, yet she found herself dreading the passage of her free time. It had taken a couple of days to land on an acceptable itinerary, and she felt better with a certain course of action.

She awoke to her covers being abruptly pulled away and the pillow pulled off the top of her head. She groaned dramatically and turned over to identify the offender, fully prepared to sling insults their way for interrupting her sleep. Before she could formulate a cohesive thought, a deep, familiar voice interrupted her.

“Enough of this, Nes. Get up. We’re going to brunch,” the voice announced, his tone dry and neutral.

Nesta’s eyes shot open, falling on a pair of hazel eyes that dared her to be uncooperative.

“What the fuck, Az? How did you even get in here? And what if I were naked?!”

”Look, I pulled the short straw. You’ve barely spoken to anyone all week. When you did, your responses were short and contrived. Your friends and family are worried, and I got volunteered to enter the lion’s den as the only one who isn’t afraid of waking you up.”

”That doesn’t answer all my questions,” she muttered as she sat up and rubbed her eyes.

“I’ve driven you and your sisters home on enough drunken nights to know where your spare key is. And I saw the sleeve of your sweater before I pulled the covers off. Give me a little credit.” He turned away from her to walk out of her bedroom. As he crossed the threshold, he paused with his hand on the door jamb. He glanced over his left shoulder as he said, “You have 15 minutes. I’ll be in here waiting for you.”

Nesta really contemplated throwing a full-scale temper tantrum by throwing herself under the covers and refusing to get up. A deep rumble in her stomach ultimately made her decide against it, so she stood up and padded over to her closet. She selected her favorite pair of jeggings, silently thanking the Cauldron that she had worn them once already so that they were perfectly stretched. She grabbed a sports bra and a long-sleeved tunic, put on some casual sneakers, and walked over to her bathroom to finish getting ready.

She wasn’t one for much makeup anyway, so she opted to wash her face, moisturize, and apply a little mascara. She brushed her teeth, applied a generous layer of chapstick, and quickly French-braided her hair down the center of her back. She glanced down at her phone; 12 minutes. Suck on that, Azriel.

She walked out of her bedroom, down the hallway, and found Azriel perched on the arm of her sofa, scrolling through his phone. Sensing her approach, he locked his phone and stood.

“All ready?” He grabbed his keys from his front pocket.

“Sure. Whenever you are.” She looked around for her small purse and grabbed it off of the coffee table. “Wait... did you clean up in here?”

She knew there was something different when she walked in, but it had taken her a minute to realize what. Gone were the take out containers from her countertops and coffee table. All the various cups she had left all over her apartment were nowhere to be seen, and her blankets were folded neatly in a stack.

Azriel cleared his throat and looked around. “Not really. I noticed your trash can was full when I threw my gum away, and I thought it would be pointless to bring it out and not get everything.”

She bit her cheek to stop her smile at his sheepishness. He had always been a good friend to her, but she knew he preferred when it went under the radar. No one blushed faster or got more awkward than Azriel on the receiving end of appreciation or a compliment.

“Ah. I see. And I guess the blankets folded themselves, then. Or did you need to fold them to ‘get everything?’”

“Nes, you know I cleaned up in here, so can we go already?” He was already turning toward her door, flustered and mildly irritated with her teasing. She gripped his bicep to turn him around before he made it outside.

“I’m sorry, Az. You’re a wonderful friend, and I don’t deserve you. Let’s go have some brunch and forget it, ok?”

He gave her a sideways smile and playfully shoved her shoulder. “Fine. But next time, you’re walking.”

———-

The drive over to the small cafe was short, so the pair sat in comfortable silence on the way. Upon arriving, Azriel found a small table in the corner of the patio, instructed her to sit, and walked inside to place their order. When he returned, he was holding a mug of coffee for Nesta and a mug of earl grey tea for himself.

“The food should come out in about 10-15 minutes. I couldn’t remember how you take your coffee exactly, so I just brought you a ton of shit.” He wasn’t exaggerating. He placed a handful of different creamers and sweeteners in the center of the table.

Nesta gave a small chuckle at his gesture, noting that it felt good to laugh for the first time in days. She couldn’t help but feel grateful that it was Azriel who had pulled her out of bed this morning, if it had to be anyone. They were more alike than most would assume, and they had made very fast friends all those years ago. She loved the purity of their relationship, built on years of trust and mutual respect, but never crossing beyond anything other than platonic. Cassian had always joked about being “outnumbered” around the two of them, commenting on their likeness and how he managed to find kindred spirits as his best friends.

The thought of him elicited a slight pang in her stomach, and she quickly shoved it down. She was pulled from her thoughts by Azriel’s voice.

“So. You want to talk about what’s going on?”

”Gods, Azriel. I haven’t even gotten the caffeine in my system.”

He took a sip of his tea, only breaking eye contact to blow gently on the hot liquid. He regained eye contact as he set his mug back down.

“We haven’t heard anything genuine from you in a week. Forgive us for being a little worried. I’m assuming it has something to do with Cassian?”

As she suspected, hearing his name struck a nerve and caused a certain heaviness in her chest. She felt herself becoming defensive, and even though her logical mind knew it had nothing to do with Az, she was snapping at him before she realized it was happening.

“Why is everyone acting like I’m off the deep end?! Maybe I’ve just been busy for a week. Cauldron forbid if I take some time for my damn self. And why the fuck would you immediately jump to him? As if my life doesn’t exist beyond all of you? And beyond him?” She felt herself flush out of anger. Or embarrassment. Who the hell knew anymore?

Azriel seemed almost entirely unaffected by her verbal lashing. He took a couple of seconds, leaned forward with his forearms on the table, and clasped his hands in front of him. He looked at her intensely, and she knew she was not going to get anything sugarcoated in this conversation.

“Need I remind you that I know both of you like the back of my hand? I’m not shooting in the dark here. You’ve been essentially MIA for a week, and that timespan directly correlates with Cassian being an absolute terror to be around. The odds of that being a coincidence are incredibly low. So, Nes, I’ll ask you to please cut the shit.” He voice remained even and steady. There was no true malice in his words, just the bluntness that exists between two close friends. He picked up his mug, leaned back in his chair, and waited.

Nesta’s posture softened slightly as she rubbed the bridge of her nose with her thumb and middle finger. She let out a long breath and looked up to meet Azriel’s gaze again.

“Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. And I should also realize by now that you notice fucking everything.”

He merely nodded, acknowledging her apology and prompting her to continue with one simple gesture. She blew out another breath, preparing herself to explain everything. In the meantime, their food arrived, so she waited until the waiter walked away before beginning her story. She told him everything, even the uncomfortable details. Cassian’s confession. Her reaction. His anger. Her anger. The devastation on his face. As much as she could remember of their interaction. And finally, the words she couldn’t stop replaying in her mind. This time, it’s on you.

He listened intently, only offering small nods or slight facial expressions during the more intense parts of their conversation. Once she was finished, he let out a long whistle and said, “Damn, Nesta. You’re officially the most savage of the Archerons.”

“I’m sorry... what?”

“I’m not saying that to be insulting. I just meant that you kind of handed him his ass there.”

Nesta started at him, urging him to elaborate before she felt inclined to jump down his throat again. He picked up on her prompting and continued.

“Well, to be fair, Cassian’s full of it. The fact that he thought he was going to be able to sleep with you and continue being friends is short-sighted at best. Can’t blame him for trying, but considering how long he’s been in love with you, he was setting himself up for failure there.”

Now, she was gawking at him. How was he being so nonchalant about this bombshell? How long had Cassian been in love with her? And why the hell had he waited until now to say a damn word about it?

”How long, Azriel?” Her voice was so quiet that she wasn’t sure that he’d even heard her.

It was his turn to look surprised. “Are you telling me you didn’t know? Anyone within a mile of the two of you could have seen it.”

She shook her head, realizing she didn’t think she could handle the direction of this conversation. “Never mind. Regardless, we had an agreement that our friendship was too important to risk on anything serious and that it was supposed to remain purely casual. It’s done now. It’s not like it matters.”

A few seconds passed before she glanced up at Azriel. His brow was furrowed, conflicted with what he was going to say next.

”What? Just tell me.”

“Don’t you think that’s kind of bullshit, Nes? I get that you both agreed on those terms, but I think it’s kind of fucked overall. You’re telling me that the potential of a relationship wasn’t worth the risk but casual sex was worth it? That doesn’t make sense.”

She breathed sharply out of her nose before she responded. “Had the agreement been honored, we could have enjoyed our time together, and we could have stopped once life events called for it. If one of us started dating someone... if one of us moved... things like that. It’s fairly straightforward.” She wasn’t trying to hide the bite behind her words, but he still didn’t seem offended. She tried not to find his level-headedness infuriating, but her patience was thinning by the second. To her surprise, his composure slipped a little.

”And how did you think that was going to play out? You both would shake hands, go your own ways, and continue to hang out with each other as before? You would have been totally fine with Cassian dating another woman? And do you really think Cassian would be a-okay with sitting in the front row at your wedding one day? Has it ever occurred to you that you two always dislike anyone that the other dates? No one ever loves Cassian the right way. No one ever makes Nesta happy enough. Why do you think that—“

”Alright, alright! I get it.“ She held her hands up in supplication. “The fact remains, though, that it’s over. It’s done. We screwed up, and it cost me my best friend. We’ll never be the same.” She felt her eyes brimming with tears.

She was vaguely aware of Azriel apologizing for his outburst and suggesting that they head back. She forced a nod, stood up from her chair, and walked to his car. Once inside and buckled, he turned to her.

”Hey. I really am sorry.”

”Don’t apologize. You were being honest with me, which is something I’ve always valued so much in you. Don’t go soft on me now.” She managed the smallest of smiles.

“Deal. But the same goes for you. Our mutual honesty has saved us a lot of trouble over the years. Makes our friendship easy.”

”You’re right. Why couldn’t it have been us to fall in love?” She huffed a laugh, making sure he knew her comment was in jest. She turned to look at him as he finished backing out of their parking spot.

Azriel hit his brakes a little harder than usual at her words. He chuckled, turning to look at her with a small smile. “What good would that do us? What would we do for fun? Brood?”

Nesta laughed, truly laughed, at the truth in his words. Azriel made a wonderful friend to her, but there would be very little personal growth within their hypothetical relationship. She smiled at him, squeezed his forearm briefly, and said, “Fair enough. I guess we wouldn’t push each other to grow all that much.”

He continued to drive, eyes straight ahead. He still wore signs of amusement on his face, but his tone turned a little more serious. “No. We wouldn’t. I think that’s why Cassian has always been a great balance for people like us. We get way too comfortable in the dark.”

”Mmm. People like Cassian, for sure. Maybe people like Elain, too?” She gave him a knowing smile.

He pulled up in the driveway and placed the car in park before looking at her. She could see the faint blush on his cheeks at the mention of her sister, but she wouldn’t push him. She knew he was smitten with Elain and had been for some time. She hadn’t spoken to him plainly about it, but she could tell by the way they interacted that they were a matter of time. Inevitable, even.

“We’re not talking about me today. Only you.”

She giggled at his deflection. “Thank you again for today. I needed the coffee, the waffles, the venting, and the swift kick in the ass.”

”Of course. Speaking of Ellie, what’s your plan for her birthday party next weekend? You know Cass will be there.”

“Oh, man. I think I blocked that out.” She opened the door, stepped out of the car, and peered down at him before adding, ”That, my friend, is something I will have to play by ear.”

——————————————————————————-

A/N: Sorry for no Nessian interaction this time, but I just love the idea of a Nesta x Azriel brotp. I couldn’t help myself. Nessian interaction to come, I promise!

Tags are below! If you’d like to be tagged in future parts, you can comment, reblog, or message me!

@polireader // @lord-douglas-the-third // @justgiu12 // @notyournymphetish // @sjm-things // @strangeenemy

[drxwsyni]

Healing (pt.1/3)

Yandere Chisaki Kai/Overhaul x quirkless!f!Reader

Part 2︱Part 3

a/n: please do not read this piece if themes of poor mental health are upsetting to you. i am in no way attempting to romanticize these issues, having dealt with them in the past and knowing all too well how serious it is. i have never endorsed the harmful actions of people in my work and never will. please take care of yourselves and read at your own discretion. also this is a repost because it disappeared from the tags for some reason?

warnings: mental health problems, injury

4.2k words

_____

This is for your own good, he said.

The world is a disease ridden place, and remaining in it has left you broken.

You weren’t broken, you were fine. Sure, handling the pressures of simply existing as a result of being born without a quirk were tasking. People had not exactly been kind to you growing up, and that may have affected your health significantly. But you were handling it just fine.

While you couldn’t disagree with the fact that people did seem to enjoy using you, whatever had developed as a result of him discovering this reality wasn’t better in the slightest.

He said you needed time to heal, both physically and mentally. You could trust him, he was the only person who saw how faultless your existence was.

At some point you felt like you deserved to be mistreated by everyone around you, given how common of an occurrence it was. So when the yakuza leader came to you himself, going on about how unfairly you’d been handled all your life, it was hard not to trust him.

Now, you realize just how big of a mistake doing so was.

To be fair, he did live up to his promises. Kai said he wanted to help you heal, and what better way to do that than to move in with him. He had all the necessary equipment, and more than enough money to provide for you during your rehabilitation process.

However, he failed to mention the lengths he was willing to go to ensure your ‘good health’. Thinking you would stay with him until you got better, and then go back to living on your own once any pre existing issues had been taken care of slowly started to become an unattainable dream.

Upon arrival at the yakuza’s base, Kai instructed that it’d be in your best interest to not leave the premises. There was plenty of courtyard space for fresh air, and anything you needed would be picked up for you. Your room had been spacious enough, luxurious almost. Aside from the underground network of facilities, you were permitted to have free range of the base. The only condition was that you kept an escort with you at all times. Generally, these terms didn’t seem too bad.

It wasn’t until you sat down in his office to go through the rest of your new living plan that you realized just how committed he was to seeing your health improve.

Everything was planned to a T. When you’d wake up, take medication, bathe, eat, go to bed. He had taken into account any intolerances or allergies and developed a comprehensive meal program that catered to them. The most important element was the checkups scheduled twice a week to monitor your physical health.

While you didn’t enjoy the idea of being examined so regularly, you couldn’t argue that you’d neglected many problems over your lifetime. Sure, blood tests and vaccine administered supplements weren’t fun. But for the sake of rehabilitation you supposed that it was just another necessary evil.

What was concerning was his policy on electronic devices, specifically for recreational use. According to him, having a phone would only hinder the process, and therefore it wasn’t something you needed.

“Should you require anything you need only to ask either myself or a subordinate. Seeming as you should always have an escort there will be no issue with the matter of not being able to contact anyone.”

Kai truly had everything covered, and with how reassuring he was it became hard to see any flaws in the plan.

And so you took up residence in the leader’s base, grateful for the opportunity to live without being weighed down by society's corrupt expectations.

_____

The first few weeks went fairly smoothly, using the time to learn the layout of the establishment. Not that you could ever get lost, with one of his subordinates trailing you in case you required assistance. You quite enjoyed the company of Chisaki’s underlings, along with that of the man himself.

Every day you’d spend time in the courtyard, or go for a walk along the path against the inside edges of the base. Oftentimes Kurono would accompany you, and the two of you would make small talk over menial subjects. Later on you’d return to Kai’s office where you’d sit on the sofa positioned to the side of the room, reading a novel he’d selected while he worked at his desk.

Generally, your experience went fairly smoothly. The distance you’d put between yourself and the reality outside those tall concrete walls had done a lot of good. However, not everything can be solved with simply removing yourself entirely from a bad situation.

Although your living quarters were comfortable and welcoming, there was something unfamiliar about it that was off putting. To combat this, you decided a quick trip home to pick up a few belongings couldn’t hurt.

It’d only taken you roughly twenty-five minutes to travel back on foot to your small, cheap little single floor house on the edge of town. Another ten to gather some items, and then you walked back to the base. However, upon returning you’d come to understand how badly you’d messed up.

It was early in the morning before you’d left, and there were no examinations scheduled either. Not wanting to bother anyone with your needs, you had left the base alone without notifying Chisaki.

That was your first mistake.

He was waiting for you at the front entrance, arms crossed with an aggravated look on his face, although it was hard to read given the mask hiding a good half of his facial features. But if that didn’t give away his anger, then the death grip he placed on your forearm as he dragged you to your designated bedroom did.

He practically threw you inside the room, slamming the doors behind him. He only took a second to compose himself before speaking. “I thought I made it very clear that you were not to leave the premises, let alone by yourself.”

You knew Chisaki was quite the stern man, seeing first hand once or twice with how he treated his subordinates. But this was new, he’d never gotten mad at you, let alone get physically aggressive.

“I didn’t think it’d be a big deal, I was just grabbing some things to make my room a little more comfortable.”

“Did I not tell you that whatever you needed would be picked up for you?”

His demeanour suggested that the question was not rhetorical. “You did, I know. I just didn’t want to bother Kurono or anyone else to go with me so early.”

Something about your open concern for others seemed to pacify his rage, letting out a sigh before moving to sit on the short couch next to him. Leaning forward, elbows propped on his knees, Kai responded. “Staying inside the base is a crucial part to your healing, I can’t let you leave knowing the danger you’d be putting yourself in without protection. You should refrain from doing something so reckless moving forward.”

You moved from your standing position to sit down next to him, of course keeping a respectable distance knowing his abhorrence to bacteria, and generally people as well. “I’m sorry for making you worry, I was just a bit homesick is all.”

The yakuza turned his head to look at you, brows furrowed in a somewhat inquisitive manner. His amber eyes pierced through yours, seemingly searching for answers to questions that couldn’t be asked. “I hope you’re aware of how important someone like yourself is to my cause. Those without quirks are growing increasingly rare, and it’s causing more issues than the world can keep up with.” He paused for a moment before continuing. “I believe it goes without saying that I’d be deeply upset if anything were to happen to you. Normally I couldn’t be bothered with such a thing… but you’re the exception.”

Chisaki stood up and walked toward the bedroom door before facing you again. “Take a bath and then return to my office with your book. Kurono will be waiting outside your door to escort you.”

You watched him leave the room, waiting for the door to completely shut before letting out a breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding all this time.

Whatever that was, you never wanted to encounter it again. Maybe, you thought, I’d be better off getting out of here sooner rather than later.

_____

After the first incident occurred you presumed things would return to normal, but of course that would be too convenient. It seemed that there was now a slight increase in security around the base. The development was immediate, making it hard to miss. Any exits leading outside―those literally outside, say to the courtyard―and gates to exit the compound were guarded by one of Chisaki’s underlings.

On top of that, he had one of his men stationed outside your bedroom 24/7, whether you needed an escort or not. He never bothered to notify you of this change in particular. It only came to your attention after hearing the verbal exchange of two men outside your door, doing what you assumed was rotating shifts.

It was unnerving, to say the least. The incident had been minor as far as you perceived it, but the unspoken changes around you demonstrated otherwise.

Aside from that, you thankfully regarded the steady improvement to your health. Your energy had returned significantly, likely thanks to the mandatory eight hours of sleep. The daily walks had eliminated the general weakness and lack of stamina you experienced. Even your face took on a warm glow, eye-bags almost non existent and blemishes quickly fading.

It would seem that your departure from this temporary rehabilitation would come sooner than you expected.

Yet the more your condition improved, the stricter Kai became with your routine. Not only that, but he also seemed to be growing more comfortable having you near him.

Now, with any normal person this familiarness would only be expected. But you knew better, and a voice deep in the back of your mind was telling you that this new predicament wouldn’t end well.

_____

The next incident seemed to be the thing that set him off, solidifying your future.

It had been roughly a month and a half since you accepted being cared for at the yakuza’s compound. By now the problems which put you in this situation were almost entirely taken care of, but that didn’t stop Kai from enforcing his rules more than ever.

Frankly, the repetitive, unwavering routine you’d been following was starting to create its own problems within your health―you were going a bit stir crazy.

After the last warning, you’d be lying if you said the main thing keeping you from leaving was fear for how Chisaki would react. Now however, it’d been too long since you experienced the real world, and even if it was only for an hour, you desperately needed to go outside the walls of the compound.

You took the issue to Kai during the time you spent reading in his office. He was going to have to let you do this, staying cooped up any longer wouldn’t be good for you and even he couldn’t ignore that reality.

After what felt like an endless back and forth discussion, seemingly getting nowhere on either side, you started to believe that he really didn’t think the situation was an actual problem.

But you knew he had a soft spot for you, and eventually the man did cave to your request.

Accompanied by one of his more trusted subordinates, you were allowed to leave the base for two hours. You took this much appreciated freedom to do some window shopping here and there, at one point stopping to buy latte―of course not before fighting with your escort over how Kai would disapprove of you doing so, the caffeine apparently being bad for you.

You were nearing the end of your time limit, and still you remained unsatisfied with what felt like an all too brief reintroduction to society.

Pushing your luck, you headed to the center of the downtown area, hoping the bustling life and bright colours would be enough to satiate your need for external stimulation.

Before you had left the compound that day, Kai had stopped you for a moment at the front entrance. The statement was quick―he advised you to stay out of any heavy populated areas. According to him it posed too high of a risk to your safety, and you should heed his words if you knew what was good for you.

However, now that you were out and getting a taste of everything you didn’t even realize you were missing, those warnings were the last thing to concern you. Oh, how foolish you were to even believe there was nothing wrong with going against him for a second.

You heard the destruction before you felt it. The cause of it was unidentifiable, as before you could steal a glance from the source of exploding brick and concrete next to you, an unseen force sent you flying across the pavement and out onto the road. Thankfully traffic immediately came to a halt once onlookers realized the situation, effectively preventing you from being run over. But that did little to console you as painfully, you comprehended your now significantly injured state.

Giving your body a once over, it was clear that the force that threw you away from the building was from the blast of air pressure likely due to an explosion. The damages weren’t too severe, but you were still now sporting a throbbing headache, and what appeared to be a sprained ankle. Aside from that, only developing bruises remained as evidence of the violent event as far as you could tell in your shock induced state.

Understanding you had to get yourself away from the violent, still ongoing conflict, you feebly attempted to stand up. It was a good effort, and if it weren’t for the head injury that was proving to be much more serious, you most likely would’ve been able to get away.

But luck was never on your side to begin with, and only a few seconds went by before black spots appeared in front of your vision. A moment later and you were out cold.

_____

A hospital room was what you expected, what anyone would expect after being nearly blown to pieces.

Pulling yourself out of unconsciousness to assess exactly where you were was a trying task, but the fear growing in the pit of your stomach served as more than enough motivation.

You remembered being downtown. An explosion. Pain. Then darkness. Taking in your surroundings, you identified the room to be that which you sat through examination after examination in the yakuza’s base.

But Kai was nowhere to be seen, and that only made the feeling of distress worse.

You had no idea how you got there, figuring the likely outcome would be you in the care of an actual doctor. Except that wasn’t the case, and instead you were laying on a bed, wearing clothing that you did not have on before blacking out.

It appeared to be a fairly loose but comfortable sleeveless knee length dress, with a long sleeve sweater overtop of it, both shaded with a pale light blue. In the midst of examining your new outfit, your eyes laid upon a heart monitoring device lightly clipped to your index finger.

Amidst the sudden realization of your current predicament, you failed to notice the steady increase in your heartbeat. But Kai hadn’t.

At that moment one of the two doors of the room, the other attached to a bathroom, swiftly opened. Chisaki stood in the doorway for a moment, seemingly evaluating your now awakened form for a moment before entering, closing the door behind him.

You questioned him before he even had the chance to come near you. “What the hell am I doing here? Why aren’t I in a hospital?” He approached you as you spoke, taking a seat on a wheeled stool next to your bed.

Unfortunately you couldn’t control the shaking in your voice, and it served as a clear indication to the man at just how uneasy you’d grown with the situation.

“My subordinate alerted me of the attack after he found you unconscious. You were brought back here amidst the fighting so I could tend to your injuries, which fortunately are not life threatening.” He spoke in a calm and consistent tone, pausing momentarily before continuing. “There was no need to bring you to a hospital when I’m more than capable of taking care of you.”

Not life threatening? You looked over your body, assessing the damage for yourself. It appeared that you had injured your ankle, as it was now wrapped in some form of brace. Along with that were bandages woven around your knees, and more that you could feel constricting your upper arms where you landed on. Lastly was the dull pain in the back of your head, bringing you back to the moments before blacking out when you experienced a similar sensation.

“I think I should still go see a professional, no offense of course. It’s just I’d feel more comfortable with an expert opinion on the whole thing.” You truly didn’t want to set him off, not after what happened the last time you went against his advice. However, this was not something you could just take lying down, despite the fact that you were literally lying down in bed at the moment.

“I’m going to have to insist that you remain here, it’s the best option for your recovery which may I remind you has not been completed as of yet, and will only be delayed due to this. Not to mention that in your state excessive movement to bring you to a hospital would not only be quite difficult to manage but further damaging to your body as well.”

If it weren’t for the unsettling, stone cold stare he was giving you as he spoke, you would’ve likely retorted with a defense. Yet under that gaze you felt it was impossible to remain strong willed. You’d let him have his way for now, there being only so much time remaining in which his care was necessary.

With that you agreed to his concerns, and perhaps if he wasn’t wearing that obnoxiously large mask you would’ve seen the smirk of satisfaction appear across his face.

_____

Later that day Kai returned with your dinner, a task he normally left for his subordinates to complete. He set down the tray atop the sliding overbed table, a clipboard in his other hand. Sitting down on the rolling stool next to your bed, he began talking, you listening in silence as you ate.

“I hope you don’t mind but I took a blood sample while you were asleep in case your injuries were more severe than outwardly observable.” He flipped through a few pages on the clipboard before continuing. “It would seem that the supplements are steadily improving your overall condition. It’ll still take some time for certain levels to reach a normal amount for someone of your physique, but this is still good news nonetheless.”

You hummed in response, not wanting to be rude by talking with your mouth full. Chisaki moved to place the clipboard on the counter to your left before facing you again.

“I’m sure by now you’ve taken note of the change in your attire from that prior to being injured.”

You stopped chewing, looking worriedly in his direction. You hadn’t forgotten about this reality, it was more like you chose to ignore it for the time being, hoping nothing would come of it between the two of you.

“You should know that I had one of my female underlings do this for me, the fact of the matter being your clothing was partially destroyed from the explosion and was therefore prohibiting necessary medical attention.”

The pulsing of your heartbeat quickened, having an idea of where this conversation was headed, much to your apprehension. You stared down at the meal in front of you to avoid eye contact at all costs.

“I was able to properly tend to your wounds, but I’m sure you understand when I say that I couldn’t help but notice certain… remnants. Those of past trauma, along with others I didn’t directly observe, those that my subordinate notified me of.”

It was obvious that to access the bruises and cuts sustained from being thrown across the pavement, Chisaki would inevitably see parts of your body that you were all too familiar with just a few years ago.

Things had gotten better since then, they really had. You would never even think about using those same coping methods anymore. But that didn’t change the fact that those memories weren’t something that could just fade overnight, nor would the physical damage they left behind.

It was the last thing you wanted to discuss with Kai right now. He already knew, albeit vaguely, that you used to struggle with your mental health. Not that you weren’t still struggling, it was just now you had healthier ways of handling it. The only thing you could do now was deter him from pressing you further on the matter.

“Listen Kai, I know what you’re referring to, and I understand why you’d be concerned. It’s just… you don’t need to bother with it. I’m better now, at least in that regard. I get that you want to help me, and you have, but this isn’t something you need to worry about. I’ve already taken care of it, I promise.”

Glancing up at him after finishing, you saw more emotion than you’d ever thought someone like himself would be capable of. Although to most it would be insignificant, his intense stare coupled with the furrowed eyebrows, looking as if he truly wanted to comfort you in that moment was reassuring.

He exhaled loudly before responding. “That’s fine, (y/n).” You watched as he removed those white gloves that he seemed to wear like a second skin, placing them on the counter. “I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry I wasn’t able to help you during that time. Someone like you should have never been subjected to such treatment, and if I had known you back then I would’ve made sure such an occurrence never took place to begin with.”

Now this was… jarringly out of character.

If there was ever a red flag that you missed before, the ensuing events would surely be enough to make it blatantly obvious what exactly was going on.

Wide-eyed and dinner long forgotten, you followed the movement of his hands as they went to gently hold that of your left.

The yakuza waited for what felt like an eternity before carrying on, doing what you could only assume was anticipating the disgust of coming into contact in such a way with you, absent of his constant protective articles.

But the aversion never came.

“All I can do now is ensure you’re never dealt the same treatment again.”

Another moment of silence, stillness.

He gave your hand a small squeeze before releasing his hold, standing up and retrieving his gloves. You were too dumbfounded by the events that just unfolded to respond, so you continued to sit in silence while Kai gathered his belongings.

“Finish your dinner, Kurono will come later and turn off the heart monitor for you to get ready for bed.” He finished pulling on the gloves, picking up the clipboard once he was done and headed towards the only exit of the room.

“You’ll be remaining in this room while your injuries heal. I’ll keep one of my men posted outside if you need anything.” Kai placed a hand on the doorknob, pausing before looking back in your direction.

“Also, you should know that an alarm will go off if you remove the heart monitoring clip on your finger. There’s a button on the side of the bed you can press if you need assistance turning the machine off, say if you need to get up. Otherwise please leave it as it is.”

At that moment he left the examination room, the door closing with a heavy metallic thud that reverberated off the walls.

The feeling in the pit of your stomach was subtle, almost overshadowed by the persisting hunger from abandoning your dinner. But you knew it well to be fear.

A fear that you only suspected would grow the longer you remained in the confines of Chisaki’s compound, the confines of his so-called ‘care.’

(End of Part 1)

[ethicsgirls]

‘There is no health without mental health’: an interview with Dr Naomi Newman-Beinart, PHD, Nutritionist (BSc) & Chartered Psychologist (CPsychol) (PhD)

Dr Naomi Newman-Beinart, Member of the CThA & Division of Health Psychology, BPS

Interview by Julia Nelson

Having access to educational information online is a real gift, but with all that’s out there, it’s always good to pick the brain of an expert to avoid getting lost in content. We had the pleasure of chatting to Dr Naomi Newman-Beinart on how to look after ourselves age 40+. Someone had to!

What is the secret to good health? 

In my opinion, it's all about mindset. I always say that there is no health without mental health (it's true!). Funnily enough, I am trying to get Instagram going (it's not as easy as it sounds!) and my post yesterday was all about this, I was saying that it's obviously a brilliant idea to try and eat a healthy and varied diet (and I am super excited that new research shows that eating your 5 a day specifically 3 veg and 3 fruit - means you're more likely to live longer and less likely to have chronic illnesses as you get older). BUT I always try and focus on how I feel when I get up each day. Do you wake up feeling positive and energised? Or wake up dreading your day? Or wake up somewhere in the middle..... 

No-one is expected to feel amazing 100% of the time. But it’s really important to do some things for YOU and to make sure that you aren’t struggling more than is necessary with daily stresses.

These are a few things I try to help feel better at the start of each day:

Stay in touch with people.

Increase movement and exercise.

Focus on the here and now.

Be kind to yourself and others.

Learn something new.

This advice is even more important given the global events of the past 18 months I would say. 

How should women age 40+ take care of their health and wellbeing? 

I think that it is really important that women are given more information about their hormonal health from the age of 40. The NHS usually do a health review for over 40's health for men and women, but this doesn’t cover hormonal changes or changes in bone density that women start to experience by this point in life. I think that as long as women are aware of hormonal changes in peri-menopause and what symptoms to look out for, and consider the fact that if they haven't already, it's time to get back into exercise - even walking, and trying to eat healthily most of the time, not always - reducing booze but still having fun, and considering any genetic illnesses that might rear their ugly heads at some point (e.g. osteoporosis - it may be time to start taking Vitamin D and think about calcium and collagen containing foods etc)

Do supplements work and do you recommend taking multivitamins every day? 

I am a fan of trying to get everything you can from food, but I believe that as you get older you may struggle with a less effective digestive system and you may have more 'issues' that supplements could help with. For example, I take borage oil for hormonal health and I find it really effective, but I didn't need it when I was 25. I personally take a multivitamin most days, as I like to get my B vitamins and minerals, but I always say that it's important to get a decent quality multivitamin and not buy the cheap ones that are using poor quality ingredients and lots of fillers. 

Should your blood type determine what sort of food you should be eating? i.e pescatarian diet 

I tend to make my recommendations based on science when research is available, and research into blood type diets does not show that it works as such. BUT saying that, the diets recommended by blood type are generally better than most diets, so most people should feel an improvement when they try a blood type diet. I do have a few patients who swear that the blood type diet has worked for them, and if you find a healthy and workable diet that suits you, than go for it. But don't try and follow a diet that you feel you should be following if you feel bad on it or it's making you mentally struggle. 

If you have a chronic health condition like osteoarthritis or Hashimoto thyroiditis for example should you tailor your diet accordingly and take specific supplements? 

Yes, absolutely. You don't have to make massive changes if you already eat a good diet (e.g a Mediterranean type diet), so to aid joint health I would suggest thinking about Omega 3 and turmeric (for example) in your diet and also think about foods that cause your joint pain to flare up, and avoid those where possible. A lot of people find that tomatoes and potatoes (to name a few) cause arthritis symptoms to flare up and avoiding them can reduce pain and improve mobility. I love marine collagen powder (I take Correxiko's Marine Collagen powder every day!) to help improve my general health. I love that collagen research is very well carried out and shows great results for osteoarthritis and osteoporosis, which makes sense, as collagen plays a huge role in the health of all of our organs and joints and bones. 

Hashimoto's thyroiditis (HT) - So there is some good research showing that people with thyroid issues may be deficient in certain nutrients and Vitamin D, selenium, zinc, iron and B12 are a few of them. In fact, low Vitamin D levels have been associated with worse symptoms for people with HT. I would suggest eating a varied and healthy diet (as I tell everyone!) but even more so in the case of people who are diagnosed when they are young (under 50). The longer you can go with symptoms that don't affect your daily life, the better! And eating a healthy diet has been shown time and time again to reduce the likelihood of various chronic illnesses, which you really want to reduce the risk of! Again, like with any diagnosed condition, find out what works best for you and what foods might worsen your symptoms so you know what to avoid. 

Obviously if anyone is on medication, always check with your healthcare professional before taking supplements as they may interfere with your meds or not be suitable to take with your condition. 

How can you get tested for food intolerances / allergies?

Yes, you can ask your GP, or you can go privately, to have allergy tests. With regards to food intolerances, I don't feel that there are any very effective tests, as you are testing something quite different than when you are testing for food allergies. I tend to suggest working together with a nutritionist, or dietitian to organise an avoidance diet to help you figure out what foods lead to negative symptoms of food intolerance. 

Should women aged 40 and over have regular general health checks and who does these? Can you recommend where to go for a general health check? 

Yes! I think that it is really important to keep on top of your health and to talk to your GP if you have any issues. Breast checks are very important, as are bone density scans, full blood count (including fasting glucose) and blood pressure. Pay attention to any urinary tract infections as you'll want to nip these in the bud asap to reduce the risk of kidney infection or even sepsis - these are much more common as you hit the peri-menopausal stage (age 42-48 or so). 

You can pay privately to have many more tests done and that is your decision if you are able to, but as long as you keep on top of your diet and exercise and the checks mentioned here, your GP should be able to help you with any health issues that crop up. 

How would you recommend prioritising your health and wellbeing? 

I am a big ambassador for kindness. I believe that if you are kind to others then it comes back to you in terms of mental health. And that brings me back to suggesting that people focus on their mental health as a priority. It's also important to consider that research has found that people who eat more unhealthy foods are more likely to report moderate to severe psychological distress - so if you are able to try and eat healthily, one meal at a time, I would hope that you would start to feel better emotionally and then be more likely to make good decisions about exercise. That is how we build healthy habits :). I am a chartered psychologist specialising in health psychology and I find this works so well with my nutrition degree.

Nowadays there’s such a strong focus on living a healthy life, and it can be daunting and to be honest, a little bit scary…..

Don’t stress. Just take one day at a time and think about one healthy choice at a time. This can be a useful way to think about diet, exercise and emotional health.

We promote ethical lifestyle brands and green living, can you tell us what ethical lifestyle brands you like and use? 

I have used so many over the years and good ethics is VERY important to me when it comes to brands that I use. I love Correxiko, as mentioned earlier. I also LOVE Uralix as I think that they have a wonderful outlook and the owner really wants to help women with urinary tract infections (which are so awful!) and this is 100% why she invented the product. I love Higher Nature products - I am currently using their 'relax kids' powder at bed every night (for me!), but all of their products are fab. And I love Greenspring matcha tea powder as I love and need the theanine that you get naturally from matcha tea. Ooooooh I also love medicinal mushrooms and Hifas da Terra are a wonderful and highly ethical company that do fantastic mushroom research to help people with ailments that are not necessarily being helped enough by medications. 

How can women feel confident and positive about their health? 

Don't make changes for anyone else, make them for yourself. You don't have to calorie count and be a size 8-10 to feel great. As long as you are doing your best to live a healthy life, you don't have to be perfect everyday! Don't deny yourself when you want a glass of wine or a treat and don't put everyone else first, you have to come first too. Try and focus on the here and now and what you can do right now that will make you happy and as you act positively, it will help you build healthy habits (that's the psychologist in me talking.....). 

You can follow Naomi on Instagram here: www.instagram.com/drnaomib/

[shewalked]

       i  would  like  to  take  this  opportunity  to  talk  about  something  mentioned  briefly  in  my  carrd  but  i  don’t  think  i’ve  properly  expanded  on,  or  if  i  have,  than  i  haven’t  recently.  martha  is  what  i  call  “time  touched”  :  if  it’s  something  that  exists  in  the  doctor  who  canon  already,  then  i  wasn’t  aware  of  it,  and  this  is  my  own  interpretation.

in  martha’s  three  episode  torchwood  appearance,  she  goes  undercover  at  an  organisation  called  “the  pharm”  -  she  ends  up  getting  captured  and  restrained,  her  blood  is  analysed  and  she  is  implanted  with  an  alien  called  a  “mayfly”  :  it  is  revealed  in  this  episode  that  martha  has  been  genetically  affected  by  her  travelling  in  time  and  space.

copely  :  we’ve  analysed  your  test  results.  you  really  are  something  special. plummer  :  your  lymphocytes  and  god  knows  what  other  cells  have  mutated.

lymphocytes  are  a  type  of  white  blood  cell  that  affects  the  immune  system,  they  help  to  fight  off  infections.  this  is  a  big  part  of  what  being  “time  touched”  means,  as  martha  doesn’t  get  sick  very  often,  if  at  all.  this  episode  also  plays  a  big,  if  not  the  biggest,  role  in  influencing  this  headcanon  as  martha  was  then  administered  with  an  experimental  “drug”  called  reset.  this  implanted  an  insect  lavae-like  alien  called  a  “mayfly”  in  to  her  stomach.  the  pharm  experimented  on  mayflies,  using  them  in  trials  to  supposedly  create  the  ultimate  cure.  martha  is  inevitably  rescued  by  jack  and  owen  before  the  lavae  can  grow  and,  essentially,  kill  her.  owen  used  a  “ray  gun”  that  he  had  been  tinkering  with  to  “disintegrate”  the  mayfly  inside  martha  without  resorting  to  having  to  cut  her  open.  and  that’s  that.

this  is  all  very  important  information  and  relevant  to  the  concept  of  “time  touched”  as  i  have  decided  that  the  disintegration  of  the  mayfly  inside  martha’s  body  was  not  complete  and  she  absorbed  some  of  it’s  essence  in  to  her  blood  stream,  which  then  latched  on  to  her  mutated  cells.  see  below  for  how  this  affects  martha,  personally  :

as  mentioned,  martha  rarely,  if  ever,  gets  sick.  she  can  get  headaches,  but  as  for  the  cold  or  the  flu,  fevers,  allergies,  etc  ...  no.  not  really.  if  she  does  get  sick,  it  only  lasts  for  a  few  hours.  for  example,  if  she  wakes  up  feeling  ill,  she’ll  be  fine  by  mid-day.

with  that  said,  pregnancy  and  morning  sickness.  martha’s  altered  genetics  does  affect  this  but  in  the  complete  opposite  direction.  martha  is  fine  for  the  first  few  months  but  as  she  progresses,  she  gets  weaker  and  sicker.  the  reason  for  this  is  her  system  recognising  a  foreign  entity  in  her  body,  and  doing  everything  it  can  to  protect  both  martha,  and  the  baby.

this  also  affects  her  life  span.  martha  is  not  immortal,  nor  will  she  live  for  hundreds  of  years.  but  she  will  live  longer  than  average.  i’ve  decided  to  put  a  cap  on  exactly  how  long  martha  will  live  for,  and  have  decided  on  between  130-135  years  old.  that’s  the  range,  i  won’t  specify  an  exact  age.  she  also  ages  slowly,  in  the  sense  that  when  she’s  70,  she’ll  look  45.  without  this,  i’ve  thought  about  it  and  bar  any  incident,  martha  would  have  lived  to  98.

she  is  not  invincible.  martha  can  get  hurt,  she  can  be  killed.  her  injuries  heal  at  a  slightly  faster  rate,  but  it  is  not  instantaneous.  if  she  broke  a  bone,  it  would  still  take  time  to  heal  but  it  would  take  less  time  than  it  should,  and  she  can  still  get  scars.  she  has  quite  a  few  from  the  year  that  never  was  that  didn’t  heal.  most  of  them  are  faint.

she  has  a  limited  sense  of  time  and  the  abnormal.  this  has  more  to  do  with  her  run  with  the  doctor.  as  it  was  mentioned,  her  lymphocytes  (  and  other  cells  )  were  affected because  she  had  travelled  in  time  and  space.  this  is  what  caused  her  strengthened  immune  system.  this  also  gives  her  a  very  limited,  i’m  talking  minuscule,  time  sense.  it’s  more  or  less  a  feeling  that  something  is  wrong,  that  something  doesn’t  belong.  she  can’t  tell  outright  what  it  is  immediately,  she  will  have  to  investigate  further,  but  this  is  partly  due  to  the  vortex  and  the  tardis,  and  partly  due  to  the  year  that  never  was.  this  is  also  why  the  big  bang  paradox  caused  by  the  doctor  “ceasing  to  exist”  and  the  alternate  earth  paradox  caused  by  river  at  lake  silencio  only  temporarily  affects  martha.  during  these  scenarios,  she  recognises  that  something  is  wrong  but  doesn’t  know  what,  exactly.  think  of  it  as  a  sense  of  de ja  vu.

now,  i  also  want  to  take  this  time  to  mention  that  martha  being  “time  touched”  is  specific  to  her.  if  anyone  writes  a  companion  and  they  want  to  incorporate  aspects  of  the  strengthened  immune  system  in  to  their  portrayal,  they  are  obviously  welcome  to  however  “time  touched”  is  my  word  for  it,  and  martha’s  word  for  it,  and  if  you  want  to  use  it,  i  don’t  mind  but  i’d  like  it  if  you  asked  first.  martha  will  occasionally,  if  the  thread  calls  for  it,  refer  to  being  time  touched  as  it’s  something  she  is  researching,  even  today,  and  she  does  believe  that  all  companions  who  have  travelled  with  the  doctor  for  an  extended  period  of  time  have  altered  or  mutated  genetics.

martha,  despite  having  researched  and  studied  this  extensively,  still  doesn’t  know  the  true  extent  of  what  being  time  touched  means,  and  how  it  will  affect  her  long-term.  she  doesn’t  know  about  her  longevity  and  she  won’t  until  she  realises  that  she’s  aging  at  a  slower  rate.  she  doesn’t  know  what  the  de  ja  vu  like  experience  means  when  it  first  happens  and  it  happens  a  couple  more  times  before  she  connects  it  to  being  time  touched.

martha  is  still  human.  i  don’t  want  to  take  away  from  that.  she’s  just  ...  human  plus.  in  a  good  man  goes  to  war,  vastra  describes  melody  /  river  as  “human  plus  timelord”  and  i  think  that’s  a  good  way  to  view  the  companions.  as  human  plus.

[halothenthehorns]

TLTNL- DETENTION WITH DOLORES

Lily watched Remus flip to the next chapter with a sense of foreboding. She couldn't help but notice a recurring pattern that every thirteenth chapter of these books seemed to be an extra stab of worse for her son. She supposed that mirror had been a bit of good and bad, but that diary and the time they'd all watched Sirius truly act like a madman, then of course the start to that wretched Tournament. She already could feel a burning hatred for Umbridge, what worse thing could happen this time?

Dinner that night was particularly unpleasant for Harry, as his shouting match seemed to be all everyone was talking about.

"Now that's saying something," James murmured as he shifted uneasily in his seat, he wasn't looking forward to Harry's reaction to this.

The worst part was no one was bothering to keep their voices down, almost as if hoping he'd start shouting the same thing at them as well.

Sirius huffed and muttered a bit about people who weren't them. He'd always loved attention, but this was ridiculous on the student's part.

Harry glared down at his meal as he demanded of his friends amongst the not so subtle whispers why they all believed his story at the end of last year, but now they wanted to hear this.

"Who says they did though?" Remus was frowning with sympathy. "Fudge is the perfect example of that, he was there when this was first being told and he flat out refused to hear this was true. The rest of the student body could have honestly been thinking the same thing as him, and then the Prophet just went and confirmed it."

Harry's face was flushing with anger as he fought so hard not to argue back, having to keep the very firm thought they were on his side and not to go at them like he had been towards Ron and Hermione. It was getting harder by the moment as he remembered the screams, what they all saw as he reappeared with Cedric's body! How could they just write that off! When Harry didn't respond, Remus didn't push him for an answer as he kept going.

  Hermione told she didn't actually think so, before getting up and leaving the hall altogether.

Harry followed gratefully, Ron a little more reluctantly as he couldn't take the rest of his apple pie.

"A treasured friend, walking away from dessert," James mumbled.

They went into the nearest empty classroom for Harry to ask what she meant, and Hermione pleaded with him to see it from their end. He'd just reappeared with Cedric's body, and Dumbledore had told what had happened to him.

Harry all but screamed back that was the truth!

Lily was fidgeting in place for a multitude of reasons. Wanting to scold Harry again for talking to his friends that way, wanting to back him up because clearly the majority of that school needed their heads checked in thinking anything else had happened considering the evidence. Yet she could do neither of those things, and so was left to sit and squirm some more, ratcheting her frustrations further every moment.

Hermione frowned at him reproachfully as she said she was aware, but that didn't stop the rest of the students. Before the truth had sank in, they'd gone home for the summer to read all about Harry and Dumbledore being senile.

She ended there as they went back to their tower, where rain was still keeping the windows streaked, and there was still no light in Hagrid's cabin.

The Marauders exchanged an anxious look, but not one of them could come up with a comment to make Harry smile away this problem. They'd thought things would be getting better, at least a little more light now that he was back at school, but Harry didn't have the misadventures they made sure to get themselves up to, so it was getting rather hard to play off these very real problems of his.

The common room was still nearly empty with most eating, so they found Crookshanks by their favorite chairs by the fire. The cat at once leaped onto Hermione's lap and curled up there.

Sirius at least had seven years worth of material to talk about this all he wanted. "You know, I really pity those who had a cat allergy. Pomfrey kept them alive and everything, but there were at least a dozen of them in the common room alone at one time. Why are any pets besides owls allowed?"

"I always thought they were a bit of home comfort," Lily shrugged, though she'd never been allowed one until James got Hickory, her dorm mate had a cat that while wily, Lily adored, and in Mary's first few homesick week like all first years went through, seemed to be some comfort.

Sirius could have happily protested other aspects of this and kept going for hours, but then he realized the whole reason he was doing this was being ignored. Harry was gazing at nothing restlessly, rotationally rubbing at the back of his hand and flattening his hair. Clearly something was fixing to happen that was winding him up, even more worrying than his weighing thoughts about Hagrid or the rest of the start to his school year, so a small miracle occurred in that he silenced himself and let Remus keep going.

Harry gazed into the flames, feeling drained and exhausted.

Harry wasn't comforted he felt the same in here, though it was hardly past lunch. Having eaten a very early meal before meant he shouldn't expect a break for some time, though he knew he could get one if he asked. It was very tempting, but he knew it was really because he just didn't want to hear of something coming, so it's not as if he could delay that forever.

Hermione suddenly burst into speech about how Dumbledore had let his happen, that terrible woman teaching them in their OWL year!

"I'm confident your specific year was not on his mind when she was taken on," Remus chuckled.

"Yeah Harry, not everything's about you," James agreed.

"You know, in the book about your life," Lily rolled her eyes at the pair of them.

Harry reminded her they'd never had a good record of stellar teachers in this field.

When Sirius realized Remus wasn't going to react to that, Sirius decided to do it for him by lifting Remus' hand and pressing it to his heart as he tried to mimic his voice, "that hurt! Now I'm going to crawl away with a broken heart and sob in the corner-"

"Stop that you idiot," Remus finally tugged his arm free by whacking his hand with the book in his other.

Sirius rubbed at the spot, it was a big book, but he'd finally gotten a grin out of Harry for his antics so it had been worth it.

Hermione still couldn't believe someone had been employed who wouldn't even let them use magic, what was Dumbledore thinking?!

"Sadly, we can't blame this mess on him anymore than we could Lockhart," Remus groaned. "His last two appointees were clearly personal favors, and he's already run out of those with some stupendous consequences. I wish I was honestly more surprised the Ministry finally stepped in and tried to offer 'help' with this, and since he clearly couldn't' find anyone else to do the job," he trailed off with a sad sigh this had to fall on Harry.

Ron also reminded she was even trying to get the students to spy for her, reminding of her words she wanted people to tell if they heard someone mentioning You-Know-Who was back.

"I'm glad one of you caught that," James crinkled his nose in disgust.

"You didn't mention it," Lily rolled her eyes at him.

"Thought it went without saying in here how much we'd hate that," James shrugged.

Hermione snapped back that part had been obvious, why else would Fudge have wanted her here?

Harry all but begged them not to start arguing again, saying could they not just start on some homework.

"Merlin, you must be sick of them to rather be doing homework than listen to a classic," Sirius frowned in sympathy for Harry.

"I really was feeling exhausted after just the one day," Harry sighed, still rubbing in frustration at his forehead, his scar they all noticed. It left them all as uneasy as he was clearly feeling, as any rubbing at this from before never meant anything good.

Ron decided to start Snape's first,

"Suppose it is best to get the worst out of the way first," Sirius groaned.

and he began to write his name on the parchment as well as starting the first sentence, before looking hopefully at Hermione.

"I'm sure she was just stunned at such a thing happening," James snickered.

When she did not respond, he prompted her what the property of moonstones were and their uses in potions.

"Does he really never bother to crack open his own text first?" Remus sounded honestly amused.

"Why would he bother when he has a talking one right next to him most times," Harry chuckled.

Hermione wasn't even listening, but was instead gazing at Fred, George, and Lee Jordan who were surrounding a knot of first years and holding a paper bag and a clipboard.

Hermione hissed in frustration they'd gone to far, demanding Ron follow her.

Ron began a feeble protest they weren't doing anything wrong, but even as she spoke the Fainting Fancies kicked in as one by one the first years slumped in their seats, apparently knocked out by an invisible force.

"Merlin, that would actually terrify the piss out of teachers," Lily yipped in concern, she knew she'd be freaking out if she hadn't heard the reason for this.

"I'm sure it must come with some sort of warning label, be sure to tell your friends what you're fixing to do so they can give some loaded excuse and escort you out for the teacher." Sirius shrugged.

"Something harmless, like oh he skipped breakfast," James agreed, his eyes alight with fascination at these twins yet again.

Hermione wasn't waiting anymore as she marched over. Ron dithered for a moment before murmuring she had this covered, and folding himself tight into his seat.

"Out of the pair, I consider Hermione more intimidating anyways," Sirius snickered. "Best let her get her word in, Ron does much better keeping an eye on things."

She snapped at the twins that was enough!

George agreed happily enough, saying this dose was plenty strong enough.

Remus snorted hard at the two just carrying on without a single care of her. That was a bit dumb on their part, even without all they knew about Hermione, you'd think the twins would find her some form of a threat.

Hermione persisted they were not to test this rubbish on students!

Fred replied they were being paid.

"I really don't find that the point right now," Lily shook her head.

Hermione wasn't letting go, saying this could be dangerous!

Lee brushed her off, saying they were coming around now. Indeed as Lee had been going around popping orange bites into their mouth, almost instantly their eyes fluttered, and they began to sit up. By the surprise on some faces, Harry felt sure they hadn't been warned what the sweet would do.

"Why's that?" Sirius did look confused at this choice. "Should have prepared them, better results when they ask how soon they felt the effects coming on."

"I can see the benefit," Remus said grudgingly, "if they expected it, then they would have been waiting for the feeling, and that could have preemptively made the feeling occur."

"They're probably doing both scenarios with different groups," James concluded.

George kindly asked one little girl how she was feeling, as she said just fine. Fred declared this as excellent and began marking something on his clipboard, but Hermione shrieked it was not excellent!

Fred scowled at her, reminding they were alive.

"Well yes, that is the bright side," James chuckled.

Hermione snarled at them they still couldn't do this, it could make them ill!

George insisted since they'd tested everything on themselves first it was low risk, they just wanted to make sure everyone had the same-

Hermione cut him off by promising she wasn't going to let them do this.

Fred just laughed her off, saying what could she do to them?

George suddenly mimed in fear of having to write lines.

The back of Harry's hand tingled worse than ever, and he began rubbing at that instead of his scar for once in remembered pain as he gazed down at the white mark. It was extremely faded, clearly years old and the words no longer legible, but he could feel now more than ever he was about to get an answer to this scar, and he knew he wasn't going to like it.

Onlookers all over the room were laughing.

"Hermione really is making a spectacle of herself," Sirius shook his head, none of them noticing Harry's moment.

Hermione drew herself up to her full height; her eyes were narrowed and her bushy hair seemed to crackle with electricity.

Harry was thankfully distracted from his moment anyways by that vivid mental image while those around him snickered as they visualized it.

She instead said in a commanding voice that she would write their mother.

The scandalized looks on everyone normally would have been enough to make someone laugh, but that really had been too far on Hermione's part. First trying to pin the brothers against each other last year, now this, she truly was interfering in far too much outside of her friend's brother's lives with that statement. The Marauders knew they would have lost their temper in that moment had it been them. Privacy was of the utmost importance to them considering what they got up to in school, and if Regulus had ever tried a thing like that against them, even if it would have no effect, it would not have gone over well.

George tried to say she wouldn't, while taking a feared step back from her.

Harry gave a hard laugh for the dramatics he wished the others would join in on. Hermione was still his friend even if she was being too heavy handed right then, and those angry faces all for her really were making him uncomfortable.

Hermione insisted oh yes she would.

The twins just stood there, thunderstruck, clearly their expressions read she'd hit below the belt.

"Course it is," James' scowl had not lessened one little bit.

"Dad," Harry couldn't help but snap at him for that.

"She should know better than anyone what it is to keep to themselves," James was not backing down. "They're not hurt and this really doesn't have anything to do with her."

"She's not here to defend herself," Harry wasn't letting go either, "and I'm sure if she was she'd be saying it was her job as Prefect to keep an eye on them, and not let them go too far."

"They haven't even gotten close," Lily rolled her eyes as she jumped in, "and James quit having a go at Hermione because of everything she does."

Her glaring at the two managed to put a stop to them for now even if they both did look wrinkled.

Hermione gave them one last warning look before heading back to where Harry had been watching, and Ron now had his nose pressed to his knees in an effort not to watch.

"I'm sure that was the best position available at the time," Remus muttered.

Hermione gave Ron an acidic thanks for his help.

"Please don't tell me she's going at him next," James huffed for Lily alone, "I wouldn't ask Sirius to back me up if I was having a go at you."

"It's not entirely the same," Lily sighed in his ear, "her heart's in the right place, she's just looking out for those little kids."

"The twins aren't going to hurt them," he insisted, "and Hermione's nosing into people's business."

"She always has though, and you thought it was plenty of fun against Rita last time," Lily softly rebuked. "You can't pick and choose when it's fun to watch her do this."

"Different situation," he began to hiss back, but she raised a brow which made him stop and realize he was saying exactly what she just had. He crossed his arms and finished with a huff, while Remus had been ignoring their not very subtle whispered argument.

Then she declared she couldn't concentrate on anything anymore and went up to bed.

"Wow, good to know Ron's found a way to distract Hermione from homework, could come in handy for the future," Sirius chuckled on Ron's behalf.

She wrenched her school bag back open, but instead of putting away her books, she instead took out a misshapen woolly something and set it on the table, before throwing some collective broken quills and scraps of paper on top of it.

Ron asked what she was doing as if fearing for her sanity.

"I'm already at that level," Remus huffed.

Hermione explained they were hats for the house-elves, she made them over the summer. She was really slow at knitting without magic, but now she was back at school she should be making much more.

There was a long, heavy moment of silence before Sirius burst out laughing. Remus joined in, but there was a hard edge as he kept staring down at this new act of hers.

"This is another level of conceited," James didn't look remotely amused at the idea. "Just where did she get the idea that she can set other people's creatures free? That's like if someone took Crookshanks from her and tried to set it loose in the wild."

"You did just equate house-elves to animals," Lily said grudgingly, very clearly trying not to sound accusing, but failing a bit. "Honestly, would it be so bad if they worked for these families voluntarily rather than slavery. If the house-elves wanted to come back then of course Dumbledore would let them, but now they'd be there because they clearly wanted to be, that could teach Hermione a very important lesson."

"You lot are missing the point," Sirius brushed his hair out of his face impatiently as his mirth filled eyes looked on at all of them not getting the joke. "This is all pointless on her part, because it won't work! Even when they do pick those up, they'll throw them in the bin, or the laundry, or lost and found! Hermione's not their master, she can't release them. This girl has no clue what she's doing."

"She's clearly going after Harry's idea and tricking them into freedom," Remus agreed, "but she seems to have missed the important detail of Malfoy having been the one to do so for Dobby."

"Well now I'm just curious if Harry points this out," James released a grudging laugh, "because he clearly hadn't thought of this," seeing the contemplative look on his face as he realized this at the same time as them.

Ron frowned angrily at the idea, saying she shouldn't just trick them into freedom, what if they didn't want it.

Hermione snapped that of course they did!

James still couldn't erase a scowl for her arrogance coming through yet again. Exactly how much did Hermione know of these creatures? They hadn't heard much of her looking into this past her disgust of them not being mentioned in history books, and Harry clearly didn't know as he wasn't keeping good tabs on Hermione's adventures of this.

She then warned Ron against doing anything against those hats before really going to bed, but the moment she was out of sight Ron at least brushed the rubbish off the hats, saying they should at least see what they were picking up.

Sirius was still snickering as he knew it made no difference either way, while at least James looked appeased with Ron's attempts.

He rolled up the start of his homework as well, saying there was no point trying without her around, asking without hope if Harry knew anything about moonstones?

"They invented this thing, it's called a textbook," Lily said conversationally. "Has he never bothered to crack it open before now?"

"Never had to, Hermione's really always been around when we do our homework, and she helps a lot more than she admits," Harry shrugged.

"How do you lot survive when you weren't speaking in third year, or even when she wasn't around at the end of your second?" Sirius couldn't help but laugh at Harry's sheepish face.

"A lot of her notes," he muttered, "she wrote ahead a lot, and we filched them from her when she left them out a lot at night."

"Well at least that's some form of study, even if it is from her rather than the source she got it from," Remus snorted.

Harry admitted he knew nothing of it, and knowing he'd regret this later, went off to bed as well. He passed Seamus on the way to the stairs, who opened his mouth as if to say something, but Harry walked past too fast to hear.

"Probably a good thing," Lily sighed, "as I doubt he was going to be saying anything too pleasant less than a day later."

None of the boys entirely agreed, a good fight actually could have done some good in relieving Harry's stress, as they'd found in their youth, though usually that was geared more towards their pranks than an argument.

The next day began the same, in weather and disappointment of still no Hagrid. Ron at least had the cheerful thought of no Snape.

"It's nice to have someone pointing out the bright side on their end as well," Remus smiled.

Hermione seemed pleased enough though as she told over breakfast her hats were gone, looks like the elves did want to be free.

James was still shaking his head in disbelief at Hermione's naivety showing at every aspect of this situation.

Ron pointed out they might not even count those as clothes, they looked more like woolly bladders to him.

Harry was the only one who managed to resist a snort of laughter with great restraint.

Hermione did not speak to him all morning.

"I'm sure that was his goal honestly," Sirius snickered.

Double Charms then double Transfiguration took up their morning, both teachers beginning with yet more lectures about their coming OWLs.

"All of the teachers will," Lily sighed, "as if we couldn't remember without them adding to the stress of it all."

Professor Flitwick began these should be given very serious thought as they would define their future careers.

"That's implying he has any thoughts though," James said loudly before his friend could get halfway through a joke.

"Prongs!" Sirius spluttered protest at once.

"Not as fun when someone else does it, eh?" James smirked with utter pleasure.

"Isn't this what started the war, and at some point we just let him win," Remus groaned.

"I have far more material, I got eleven years of making this shit up before you lot could even get a chance getting started," Sirius huffed, a challenging look still gleaming in his eyes promising payback to his best friend.

They spent the morning revisiting Summoning Charms, which Flitwick assured would appear on these important finals, before setting up their largest homework assignment yet.

"You are depressing me with all of these flashbacks I'm getting," Remus groaned.

Transfiguration was possibly worse, McGonagall beginning they would not pass their OWLs without serious application.

"When did my middle name change to application?" Sirius demanded practically before Remus had finished the word with a hard look at James.

James was now resisting the urge to get up and strangle him.

She believed everyone in here was capable of passing if they put the work in, while Neville made a sad little noise of disbelief.

"Aww," Lily uttered sadly, wishing she could pass the poor boy along her notes or something. This wasn't her best class either, but at least she'd held confidence while trying.

McGonagall noticed, turning full attention on him and insisting that yes, he too could. His only restraint was his own lack of confidence.

They all smiled widely for that, often times just instilling confidence in someone could help them more with their work, and they hoped that helped Neville. In that moment, Harry honestly would have bet on it.

They began the lesson with attempting to vanish snails, and by the end of the lesson neither boy had even slightly managed it, though Hermione had on her third attempt. She was the only one not given the homework of practicing.

Now panicking at their pileup of work, the two boys skipped lunch in favor of trying to cobble together something for the moonstone essay while Hermione refused to join them, clearly still angry at Ron for his hat crack.

"I think Ron needs to make a chart to help him maintain when he should be insulting Hermione, and be sure to keep homework help times in big red letters to avoid that," Remus was trying hard not to laugh as he said.

"That is far too much work, he may as well just do the homework by that point," James rolled his eyes.

By the time they reached Care of Magical Creatures in the afternoon, Harry's head was aching again.

"It's only the second day," Lily said with worry. "Honestly Harry, you act as if school's new to you, I'm sure you'll fall back into your routine soon."

"It just felt, off this year," he struggled to explain even as he already felt a sharp pain returning for even trying to speak about something he had no clue should bother him.

It wasn't hard to realize that something was bothering him this year in particular, even more than last if that was possible, and it was frustrating none of them could think how to help because they weren't even sure of what the problem was yet.

At least the rain had stopped, so they stepped out towards the forest in a cool mist. They reached Hagrid's cabin only just in front of the usual band of Slytherins snickering away, and judging by the looks Harry was receiving, it wasn't difficult to guess the joke.

"Knew you had to inherit some of my brains," Lily poked fun at her husband's expense.

"I'll have you know I got an O in my sarcasm OWL dear," James batted his eyes at her.

"Who set it, Remus or Sirius?" Harry couldn't help but snip.

All three denied answering.

Even unsurprised, Harry was still disappointed to find Professor Grubbly-Plank heading the class, standing in front of a table that just seemed to hold a pile of twigs.

"Sounds like bowtruckles," Remus couldn't seem to stop himself answering, while Sirius rolled his eyes and just thanked Merlin he wasn't inserting other trivia in between already.

Once the class had assembled and the teacher asked if anyone would like to say what these were, Hermione's hand shot up at once. Malfoy did a foul impression of her from behind, while Pansy began laughing, causing one to stir and the class to leap back in shock. It was a very tiny creature with twig like arms and feet than ended in double needle sharp claws, with only tiny brown eyes to show intelligence.

"My dad once had a chap around who had one of those as a pet, road around on his shoulder," Remus smiled in remembrance.

"So your dad knew the same kind of strange people you do," Sirius surmised, as Remus sometimes enjoyed inviting people over who could have a friendly discussion about magical creatures, of course none ever stayed long.

Parvati and Lavender ooed at once at the sight, while Harry's irritation ratcheted up at once. They acted as if Hagrid never showed anything impressive. Admittedly the flobberworms and been a flop, but they'd seen hippogriffs and salamanders. Though perhaps the blast-ended skrewts had been too much so.

"That about covered it," James snickered.

Grubbly-Plank kept all attention by saying to keep their voices down, then turning to Miss Granger.

Hermione began at once they were bowtruckles, tree-guardians who prefered wand-trees.

The teacher gave five points to Gryffindor for the correct answer, then asked if anyone knew their food preference.

Hermione at once said woodlice but they would go for fairy eggs. Even as Harry watched Grubbly-Plank threw down some brown grains that wriggled slightly.

"Nothing yet to add Moony?" Sirius was clearly challenging, so knowing whether Remus answered or not he'd get mocked for doing so, Remus looked him in the eye and said, "a group of bowtruckles is called a branch."

Sirius just rolled his eyes, but he couldn't pretend he was surprised.

Hermione got another five for the correct answer before Grubbly-Plank went into more details about how it was wise to have a gift of woodlice at the ready when trying to interact with bowtruckles, otherwise they would become angry and try to gouge out your eyes.

James had only vaguely heard of these things from Remus, so though he'd heard this fun fact, he still rubbed at the corner of his eye protectively.

She instructed them all to take some woodlice, and then select a bowtruckle and draw a diagram of the creatures, to be handed in end of lesson.

As the class moved forward, Harry circled around instead to ask the teacher where Hagrid was.

"Why would she know?" Remus shook his head sadly for Harry. "She's only the substitute, you should take that up with Dumbledore."

"Well as I'm still rather annoyed at him for ignoring me all summer, better to start with her," Harry sighed.

She brushed him off with a never you mind, much the same response he'd gotten when this happened last year.

"I see she still fails to see Harry as Hagrid's friend instead of a nosy kid," James huffed.

Smirking as he came over, Malfoy leaned in and whispered that the oaf had probably got himself injured.

Harry snapped back for him to shut his mouth or he'd be getting his own.

"Why wait for that?" Sirius' teeth were already bared for a fight.

Malfoy persisted the elephant man had perhaps even been messing with things that were too big even for him.

All of them fidgeted in unease for that. It wasn't a good thing at all that just by this little comment, they all understood the Death Eaters were aware of Hagrid's involvement, but that didn't stop Remus frowning in confusion, "I don't understand why he knows about this? Surely his father doesn't let him in on Death Eater meetings?"

"Who knows?" James shrugged, "a lot of the kids we knew in school who turned into that lot sure seemed to know a lot more than they should have, and I'll bet you anything that's because of what their parents told them and what they strung together. Wouldn't surprise me Malfoy's in the same boat."

Lily didn't comment, as she was chewing hard on her lip in concern for what could be happening to Hagrid, and why they Death Eaters would know anything about what was going on with him, unless they'd had a go at him. Surely Hagrid was strong enough to resist such a thing, right?

Malfoy walked away still smirking at Harry, who now felt sick. Did Malfoy know something? His father was a Death Eater after all; what if he had information about Hagrid's fate that had not yet reached the ears of the Order?

"Dumbledore would know if something happened to Hagrid," Remus said with as much confidence as he could. "Besides, he most likely had Maxime go with him if you remember, and you have to be a fully trained wizard to be a Headmistress, so there's just no way they could subdue both Hagrid and her and the Order wouldn't know about it."

"Yeah, Malfoy's just full of it as always, Hagrid'll be back at Hogwarts before you know it," James said with absolute conviction.

Harry still felt the panic flaring in him, yet when his dad mentioned Hagrid back at Hogwarts Harry did feel a bit of peace. He was sure in that moment he would see Hagrid again, so he did take a deep breath and settled back down.

Harry went back to where his friends were already getting started with their drawing, and confessed what little Malfoy had said. Hermione at once said Dumbledore would know if something had happened to Hagrid.

Remus kept reading on very loudly before Sirius could make that stupid joke as well.

It was just Malfoy trying to get under Harry's skin, Harry shouldn't react, that would only show what they didn't know.

"You don't know exactly what's going on," Sirius was clearly still sore about that.

Malfoy was speaking loudly to his own group about how his father would be very pleased about this change in staffing and it was more likely going to be permanent. Even if that overgrown moron came back, he'd be leaving just as soon.

"I like to think that miserable old Umbridge woman would be first out the door," Lily said in disgust. "At least Trelawney pretends to teach, that woman can't even accomplish that."

"It's breaking my heart to realize Snape will be of more use this year than that toad," James agreed in disgust.

Harry suddenly yelped in pain. He'd been holding the bowtruckle for his friends to draw the face, and he'd held it a bit to hard upon hearing Malfoy's words, causing the creature to react by slashing the back of his hand and blood to appear.

Harry rubbed the back of his right hand in the remembered pain, inspecting the wound critically, but that had been no where near deep enough to leave those scars, nor at all explained his unsettled feeling about them.

Remus was tisking sadly Harry had nearly hurt that creature due to his not paying attention, but couldn't bring himself to say anything as he knew Harry hadn't meant any real harm.

Harry dropped it on instinct and it took off running, while his hand dropped little spots of blood on his own still blank parchment. When the bell rang he rolled it shut still empty and marched off to his next class with Malfoy's laugh still echoing in his ear.

"That's enough to cause anyone a moment of detention," Lily said grimly, she couldn't stand watching someone suffer while being laughed at.

"I thought you were supposed to turn that in at the beginning of class," Remus said in confusion.

"She didn't ask anyone to turn them in, suppose she forgot," Harry shrugged, the whole class had walked away and she hadn't stopped them anyways.

Harry seethed that if Hagrid was insulted one more time, but Hermione cut off Harry shouldn't be picking fights with Malfoy, he was a prefect now, he could make life difficult for Harry.

"As opposed to?" Sirius burst out.

Harry sarcastically returned what a difficult life would be like. Ron laughed, but Hermione frowned.

"When is the last time I've ever heard her laugh at a joke?" James huffed even while he was smiling a bit himself at his sons accuracy.

They huddled outside the greenhouses while Harry groaned he just wished Hagrid would come back already, then turned on Hermione and at once said she'd better not say that Grubbly-Plank woman was a better teacher.

"Honestly Harry, I wish you wouldn't do that," Lily groaned in dismay. "She's a right to her opinion if she does think that woman's a better teacher."

"Well she could at least pretend like she'd be offended like the rest of us," Harry wasn't letting go. "He's hardly had as much of a chance, she could cut him some slack and show some concern for things other than house-elves."

"She most certainly does when it counts," Lily said firmly, causing Harry to wince and back down for now.

Hermione wasn't phased, as Harry kept going that woman would never be as good as Hagrid, well aware he'd just had a good Care of Magical Creatures class, and he was thoroughly annoyed by it.

"As am I when I enjoy a class, it's just unnatural," Sirius tried to lighten the mood, but was ignored.

The door opened and a group of fourth years came out, including Ginny and Luna. The moment the later spotted him, she marched right up to Harry,

"Well this should be interesting," Remus said honestly, he still hadn't quite formed an opinion of her, but he felt like he was fixing to with that kind of introduction.

eyes wide as ever, though a new addition of having what resembled radishes for earrings. Without any preliminary hello or anything though, she declared loud enough for all to hear she believed He Who Must Not Be Named was back and that Harry had fought him and lived.

"Well okay then," James blinked spastically at such an abrupt change of topic, before smiling widely, "I officially like her."

"She can read all the wonky magazines she likes so long as her head stays on straight," Sirius agreed with a happy smile.

Even as Lily and Remus agreed they couldn't help an eyeroll for the two having to phrase it like that.

Harry gave her an awkward thanks, while behind Parvati and Lavender were gesturing at her earlobes and giggling.

"Just what is so funny about that?" Lily rolled her eyes in annoyance at such a trivial thing to her.

Luna seemed under the impression they were laughing at her words and not jewelry as she told them they could laugh,

"I'm sure it's a combination of both actually," Harry said indulgently, wishing he'd done more to thank Luna at the time for the support he'd been wanting.

but people used to not believe in the Crumple-Horned Snorkack either.

"Err," Siris said in confusion, looking to Moony for some kind of answer on that, but he just gave the same unknown shrug back.

Hermione frowned impatiently that society had been right about that one, those had never been proven as real.

James began scratching at his ear as he stated, "okay, now I'm confused, who's wrong there?"

"I'd guess, err," Sirius looked torn, thinking Hermione would normally be the one to know such a thing, but Luna had seemed to speak with certainty of the exact opposite.

"Honestly what does it matter," Harry still had that smile in place, "she can believe in Father Christmas and not think Hippogriffs are real for all I care."

No one could argue with that, it was too nice to hear of someone having no relation to Harry sticking up for him, it spoke of just how equal the grounds of Hogwarts could be on this subject, hopefully.

Luna gave Hermione a withering look as she walked away, Parvati and Lavender laughing louder than ever.

Harry turned on his friend and snapped at her not to go offending the people who actually believed him.

"You got her on that one Harry," James snickered.

Hermione dissed he could do better than her.

"How so?" Sirius snipped. "I don't see anyone else lining up to say the same for Harry outright like that, I admire the girl for it."

Ginny had spoken of Luna to her, and apparently the only things she believed were things no one could prove.

"Why do I get the feeling that's not actually what Ginny had said," Remus frowned.

Harry thought of the sinister horses pulling the carriages this year and suddenly wondered if Luna had been lying about seeing them as well.

"I sincerely doubt her belief in, ah, certain creatures equates to outright lying about seeing something that is real," Remus defended.

Before he could think on it further, Ernie Macmillan came forward.

"Well this should be interesting," James muttered, his lip already trying to curl up in disdain for the last time he really remembered this boys opinion and it putting Harry so low.

He made sure his voice carried to everyone as well that it wasn't just weirdos who believed Harry.

"Well I guess I'll take that," Sirius was trying hard to fight back a smile for this display, but at least this little twit he remembered was on the right person's side this time.

He believed Harry, and offered his hand to shake. Harry thanked him as well, thinking that while Ernie was known for being pompous, Harry would deeply appreciate any vote of confidence that didn't come from someone wearing vegetables for earrings.

"You really took that one personally didn't you?" Lily giggled. "What if Cho started wearing an onion for a necklace?"

"I'll get back to you on that one," Harry laughed easily, this really had been just what he needed to calm his mind it seemed.

Ernie's words had wiped the smile off Lavender's face, while Seamus' expression looked confused and defiant.

"Guess it's better than outright hostile," Remus sympathized.

Professor Sprout had them all come inside then, and to no one's surprise began this lesson with more talk of OWLs.

"You'd really think at some point the teachers compared notes to realize, not all of them needed to do that!" James groaned.

Harry wished she wouldn't, it only made him remember his piles of homework, and how he couldn't get any of it done as five o'clock rolled around and he had to go to his detention.

"I did that most night anyways," Sirius agreed. "Far too much effort to track all the way up there just to come right back down for some grub, the bag slips under the bench easy enough."

He planned on only bolting down a few bites of dinner before facing whatever she had in store for him.

The ease Harry had felt for just that small moment was already vanishing at the mention of this all over again, he was already resisting the temptation to snap the book shut on Remus' fingers and hide it from sight. He hadn't felt this anxious since his fight with his dad at the Dursley mentionings, what on earth was fixing to happen to him?

He'd barely entered the Hall when Angelina caught up to him screaming his last name.

"I can imagine it," James winced but kept that mutter to himself as he figured Harry wouldn't much appreciate it.

She marched right up to him and poked him in the chest as she demanded to know why he'd landed himself in detention this Friday!

"It was hardly put into his planner on purpose," Sirius began defending at once.

It took him a moment to register why this would upset her so, before remembering Keeper tryouts.

She snarled at him how she'd wanted everyone there, and now he'd decided he wasn't going to be.

"It's not as if he's going on a date instead," James defended that one. "No one plans for this nonsense!"

Harry snapped back he hadn't decided anything, this was Umbridge's fault because he'd told the truth about Voldemort.

Angelina said he needed to go right back and tell her he needed Friday off.

"Not a teacher on earth would let you get away with that," Remus stated at once, gazing at the book like Angelina had lost her mind. "I can imagine even McGonagall scolding you for suggesting otherwise no matter her love for her team."

She didn't care if he said You-Know-Who was a figment of his imagination, just do it!

"The pathetic part is, that may actually work on this woman," Lily said in disgust.

Harry watched her storm away and said to his friends that perhaps they should look up Puddlemere United and ask if Oliver was still breathing, because Angelina seemed to be channeling his spirit.

That garnered a giggle from them, even if it wasn't a strong one for how down they could all tell he was for this now hanging over his head. Harry was at least trying to silently convince himself that's what made this detention feel so awful, that he'd already let Angelina down because of it...

Still, he nursed the idea of trying to do two extra detentions for Umbridge if she'd let him off for Friday.

"I can't even picture Flitwick taking pity on you and accepting that," Lily sighed.

Harry finally went inside and sat down for his dinner, counting off his ridiculous amount of homework he still had to do. Ron tacked on it was also going to rain tonight.

"What does that have to do with homework?" Lily blinked in confusion.

"It certainly sets a glum mood, but sunshine's no better, then you just want to be outside," Remus shrugged for the odd comment, while James and Sirius exchanged a speculative look.

Hermione asked what that had to do with homework, and Ron instantly said nothing while turning red.

Sirius mock wiped a tear from his face at the other three's confused looks for that, saying, "I'm just so proud of his wondrous lying skills, you think he'll give me lessons?"

"You certainly don't need them in theatrics," Remus rolled his eyes.

Harry bade his friends goodnight and went off to Umbridge's office on the third floor. He'd been here on three separate occasions. While it was Lockhart's, it had been covered in portraits of the man. When Lupin's, you were more likely to find the next dark creature they'd be studying in some kind of holding.

"Would you two let it go," he groaned before they could again comment on his odd habit of doing that, or even worse, tell him that was still the best option.

When the fake Moody's it was filled with broken instruments to detect dark deeds.

If Harry hadn't all those previous experiences, he'd have thought he'd walked into the wrong room now. Every surface was covered with pink, every item had a lacy doily, and there were so many pictures of kittens scattered about the wall it created a painful technicolor watching them move about. He stood there transfixed with horror until Umbridge spoke.

Remus' face was flushed with absolute disgust by the end of this, and he hardly needed to look up to see that mirrored on everyone else. Lily even had the urge to go hunt down Hickory and make certain her pet wouldn't befall such a travesty as that mental torture chamber was causing her mind's eye.

She greeted him with a good evening, and it took Harry a moment to pick her out among her own pink outfit.

"I'm going to be sick," Sirius vowed, thankful there wasn't a spot of pink inside this room or he really might have been.

Harry gave the stiff greeting she expected, before she indicated a desk near her own for him to sit at, which housed a blank sheaf of parchment and a long black quill Harry had never seen before.

He passed that over without much thought as he tried to ask Umbridge for a favor.

"I didn't believe you were really going to go through with it," Remus turned disbelieving eyes on Harry. "You must know you've a better chance getting Snape to wash his hair."

The insult had been a default, but he was surprised when Lily smiled just for a moment before shooting him a nasty look as he quickly kept going.

He explained his status on the Gryffindor Quidditch team, and his obligation to be there Friday, so perhaps he could do that detention for her another time that night?

He trailed off near the end, long since knowing the answer to be expected by the look on her face.

"I could have told you that before you walked in," James sighed for his poor son.

She seemed almost delighted to tell him this would not be so, this was further punishment for his spreading of nasty, attention seeking stories.

They all flushed with renewed hatred at that woman phrasing this as such. At this point they'd pay Harry just to skip all of her detentions and see what kind of fallout that caused, hopefully it would be taken up with Dumbledore or something and he'd step in for Harry having to suffer anymore time with this vile amphibian.

She found this a good thing he was missing something so important to him, it would reinforce the lesson she was teaching.

"I'll shove that lesson so far up your arse even your extended tongue couldn't reach it with help from a Ton Tongue Toffee," Sirius hissed with pure vile.

She was watching him with those wide set eyes, her pouchy mouth smiling as sweetly as ever, as Harry felt the blood surge through him for what she called his truth.

With massive effort, he put his bag down and sat in the indicated chair.

"Remind me to help refill McGonagall's biscuit tin for her," Lily said with just a touch of relief. She would never be against her son standing up for himself, but there was a time and place as well. He was already in enough trouble with this, no need to keep stirring the shit pot.

Umbridge said sweetly he was already learning to mind his temper.

"No thanks to your slimy arse," James snarled.

Then she told him he was to be doing lines.

"That's it?" Remus cocked his head in confusion, all so thrown by such an oddly mundane task they failed to notice Harry now clasping the back of his right hand so tightly in his left he would leave a bruise there soon.

"I half expected her to ask you to help remove her warts or something," Sirius tacked on, while Remus kept going now just out of disgust to get away from that mental image.

He went for his bag, but she corrected he was to be using the one on the desk.

Both of Harry's hands were now shaking so hard he couldn't even hide them from sight if he'd tried, his sleeves would start trembling just as bad. Lily caught sight of this and gave him a concerned look, but she was floored from asking by her mind failing how to phrase the question. Nothing like this should be causing him to look like that...

She told him to write I must not tell lies.

Harry asked how many times with an almost passable attempt at politeness.

"You've far more talent than I do," James snapped.

She said as long as it took for the message to sink in.

Harry couldn't seem to stop himself as he jumped to his feet, wringing the back of his hand anxiously as he avoided all eyes. He could feel it, that need to run and duck for cover, to warn them they were fixing to find out something he did not need to be told they weren't going to like, and yet the words refused to come to him as always, leaving him simmering with an urge he physically could not act on and a complete mess for it.

"Harry what on earth-" they tried in concern, but one hard shake of his head was all the reminder they needed he could not answer, so Remus went back to the book while now on the edge of his seat.

She moved over to her desk, sat down and bent over a stack of parchment that looked like essays for marking.

"It's only the second day?" Sirius quickly butted in with confusion to try and take Harry's mind off whatever he was fixing to relive. "Surely it's paperwork from her job at the Ministry or something."

Harry didn't even give an acknowledgment he'd heard.

Harry raised his quill to start, before pausing in confusion he hadn't been given ink.

She gave a trilling laugh before saying he wouldn't be needing that.

Four very confused brows went up at that, all of them still watching Harry mender to the doorway and back as if forcing himself not to run from the room from some reaction he seemed to be expecting from them. Odd as this was, Remus still couldn't find anything to indicate what the bloody hell had him so turned up.

Harry placed the point of the quill on the paper and wrote: I must not tell lies.

James opened his mouth in confusion, he still couldn't understand how he was writing anything without the ink, but he was still watching Harry with worry so at first missed the odd sound of Remus' voice taking on the new tone as he read out the answer.

Then he gasped in pain. The words appeared on the parchment in bright red, while at the same time they'd also appeared across the back of his hand in his own handwriting. As he watched, the words vanished from sight, leaving the back of his hand smooth as before.

For just a moment, Remus had looked almost politely puzzled at what he was reading, his mind trying to understand the idea of this thing. Then his mouth went dry, and he was hardly able to finish what he was saying as his vision blurred, and he like everyone else was once again looking where Harry was deftly trying to hide his hand from sight.

It wasn't even kind of working, as on his next hesitant steps through the room James managed to snag his elbow, and almost gently lifted his left away to gaze at the faded white pattern. The words were not legible, but the area was indeed much more faded than the rest of his hand, and now that he knew what he was looking for, the odd shape of it did indeed indicate the misshapen spot could be letters too blurred over time.

Lily began in a deadly quiet voice, "don't you dare tell me that is what you are to be using all night."

Harry was gently trying to tug his arm away to get a release from James now as he calmly answered, "I believe so."

Sirius hardly heard the reply as he was on his feet with such a deep throated growl he was as likely as Moony to rip someone's throat out in a moment. For now he could only physically act by kicking the table, causing it to flip and break into several pieces against the fireplace across the room. It did nothing to alleviate the need he had to do this to that woman's face.

No one stopped him as he pulled out his wand and the rest of the table shattered into splinters, but sadly the noise caused just as loud a raucous upstairs that had Lily sprinting out of sight, though she was moving more from memory than anything as she could hardly see straight through her anger.

Harry finally got his arm free from his dad, who simply sat there gazing at nothing but seeing pink. Harry looked at all of them, visibly white and shaking from anger, while he still rubbed at the back of his hand as he couldn't think of a thing to say. This wasn't like at the Dursleys, he wasn't going to bother with futile attempts to put them at ease because he honestly felt just as angry as them.

His mother came back with an eerily blank face, somehow all the scarier she was holding her infant. Harry nearly ducked for cover as she drew her wand as well, but all she did was repair the damaged table, and laid her infant son down on the floor with his blanket and made a little mobile appear above him. There was a stag, a gray and black dog, and a broom hanging from it, and as she gave it a tap for it to begin, it began humming a little melody Harry vaguely recognized as his mother's voice from the other day.

"I am going to kill her." The cold, simple way she said it made Harry's skin crawl as she stood back up and marched back to her place next to James. "No one leaves a mark on you like that-"

"Merlin's shit she's as bad as Voldemort!" Sirius cut her off with a still roaring howl that was definitely the cause of the babies continued wailing. Sirius physically bit his tongue to convince himself to stop, leaving the crying echoing in the background of all their minds feeling oddly appropriate until his toy caught his attention again and the tears cut off.

Harry shifted restlessly from foot to foot in the uncomfortable silence that followed, but still was drawing a blank on anything to say, so though he knew it would do no good, he couldn't think of anything else to do but to go over to Remus and try to tug the book away.

Remus gave him a hard look, his voice barely controlled calm, "unless you're suppressing the reaction to curse her where she sits and go to Dumbledore, I don't quite think we're done talking."

Harry sighed with unease, but didn't bother to deny the thought hadn't even crossed his mind, as the others seemed to know full well. He did still try to explain himself, "what good would it do to let her think this bothered me?" He quickly finished his own question before anyone could interrupt, "no more good than if I'd gone to Dumbledore. If he let her into that school, there was nothing he could do about the detentions she set." He finished by crossing his arms defiantly. "I'm there because she thinks I'm a stupid attention seeking child, and she won't get me to back down because of this." He faltered just a bit though, when their stone like faces now held tones of disbelief.

"Harry," Lily began in a forced calm voice that was scaring him more than if she'd been screaming. "There is a time and place for you to stand up for yourself, but-"

James cut her off, beginning to lose his own battle and starting to shout as well, "she was actually torturing you Harry! Not some joke like Filch always was, this is wrong!"

Harry kept himself stiff for the argument, but was surprised he could feel himself wavering in the face of their concern. He could already feel he had this argument with someone else, he sincerely doubted Umbridge herself, and he'd won during those times, yet there was something about looking at his parents in particular, their deep concern and anger for this that really drove home for him he may have bitten off more than he could chew with this one. He at least had the vague, almost hopeful impression he wrote to Sirius about something soon, so he gave in for now and hoped that would appease them when he most likely came to that conclusion in his own time.

Remus watched him back down with as much defense as anyone stopping an argument could have, and it made him wish he'd vomit already rather than have this feeling sitting inside him. If he was acting this way towards them, would Umbridge perhaps be even worse than this? He couldn't imagine that being possible, but the person who was having his nephew carve his hand open like that would now be held in the same light as the Dursleys or Voldemort.

Harry looked round at Umbridge. She was watching him, her wide, toadlike mouth stretched in a smile.

Lily'd had many moments she wanted more than anything to be there for her son, but none so violent before now. What this cretin was doing to her baby had her already cataloging a few of her favorite fire charms for starters.

She asked what he was waiting for, and Harry said nothing as he turned back and began again. The same thing happened, this time the mark taking an extra second to vanish.

James was fighting hard with the resistance he was having to hold not to run his fist through a wall imagining it a toad like face. This just had to be illegal, and if he didn't hear about Sirius bursting in soon to show his idea of this James wasn't going to be able to hold himself still much longer.

On it went, again and again Harry wrote the words on the parchment in what he soon came to realized was his own blood.

Remus had sadly already guessed that part. The red haze tinting the edge of his vision hadn't left since that realization, as somehow this was still by far the worst thing they'd yet to read. Hearing of Voldemort attacking Harry was equal, but even this was starting to surpass that. Least that madman was honest about his intentions and had never hidden the fact that he wanted Harry dead. The torture he'd inflicted on Harry that night at least hadn't been self inflicted!

Again and again, the words were cut into the back of his hand, healed, and reappeared slower every time.

Sirius was still trembling with fury, the urge to break something had not yet left him. How long had Harry endured this for a permanent mark to have been left?!

Sunset cast the room into bleak shadows, and still he did not ask when he could stop as he continued cutting open the back of his hand. He could feel her eyes on him, looking for signs of weakness.

James could not stop another outburst erupting, "dammit Harry, this is not a test of wills! You subjecting yourself to doing this is in fact exactly what she wants, how does giving in to her-"

"Would you really go crying to someone else, let her win?" Harry shot back, his right hand still clenched in a tight fist, though now from actually remembering the pain of this than fear of it coming. He finally went to sit back down to try and convince himself as well as them this wasn't such a big deal even if they didn't agree.

"Harry, telling when you see something illegal going on isn't being a snitch, it's what you're supposed to do," Lily was still forcing herself to remain very still, keep her eyes on her infant rather than going into the raging fury that was building more every moment.

Harry did not look convinced though, and James ruffled up his hair so forcefully it looked like he was trying to pull it out. Was this what the Dursleys had taught him? Because of all the things they'd done to him Harry had taken their abuse and silence to the next level, and he'd never share with anyone the physical trauma he was put through? How long did this go on?!

What must have been hours later, she told him to come to her desk. He stood and took a quick look at the back of his hand, which was now red raw, though mercifully blank of his own words for now.

Remus could actively feel the vomit climbing and was expecting it any moment now to cover these pages, though hopefully that would finally take away the crimson tinted words. This was just one night that was leaving Harry's hand marked, and he still had three days to go. He couldn't delusion himself this would never happen again either, not with something so deep in his skin. He couldn't keep doing this, force out words about Harry in this situation like it was some normal book...

She gestured for his hand, and he placed it in her stubby fingers.

The binding snapped, pages scattered the carpeted floor, and Hickory poked his head in curiously and began swatting at once at a loose few. Remus didn't even seem to realize it as his lip curled in outrage at that lifeform touching Harry after what she'd done to him.

Harry opened his mouth, decided it would be better for his ear drums if he held back his comment, and simply shook his head at the lot of them. This wasn't even as bad as Quirrell pinning him to the ground back in first year, he honestly thought they were being entirely too dramatic about this. Umbridge may be a foul, twisted creature the likes of which Trevor wouldn't go near, but he'd honestly been hoping someone would at least understand why he did what he had, not keep looking in a way that made him wish he could post troll guards at the doors and windows. He did pull out his wand and repair the book, summoning it back to his hand, and kept going in the thick silence in as calm a voice as he could, though he was sure it was helping nothing that now the mark on his hand was more visible than ever.

She inspected the wound and did not seem impressed, saying he was to come back tomorrow evening before he was dismissed.

His homework situation was getting desperate as he had no time to practice his Vanishing Spell, nor had he written a single thing in his dream diary or even started his bowtruckle drawing, or started any of his essays.

Lily had to blink slowly upon realizing it had just slipped right into talking of the mundane world of homework, as if this happening to Harry really had been some simple annoying detention to him. Hickory, clearly annoyed his new toy had been taken away, tried to wind around her leg and meow with displeasure, but she could not bring herself to take notice of even this, all the normal feeling she could find left was keeping her eyes on her toddler.

He skipped breakfast next morning to scribble down a couple of made-up dreams for Divination, their first lesson, and was surprised to find a disheveled Ron keeping him company.

"Harry, give that back." Remus finally seemed to have snapped to attention and was holding his hand back out, his face making it clear this wasn't up for debate.

Harry handed it back over even as he shook his head at the lot of them. Clearly they were hoping he was fixing to tell Ron what had happened, but he could already feel he had no intentions of doing that. Still, if it kept their attention off murder even for a few moments he wasn't going to argue the point.

Harry asked why he hadn't done it last night, as he'd been asleep when Harry arrived, but he just gave the muttered answer of doing other things.

James could only distantly remember now what he'd been thinking about what Ron was up to, and even the fun of hanging over the other's heads what he was sure this was about couldn't hold his attention. He wanted to hear Ron convince his son he was being an idiot and drag him to Dumbledore for starters.

Then he declared for his dream he'd just told about buying some shoes, sure the woman couldn't make anything weird of that.

"I shouldn't tempt her," Harry said with a forced laugh, crossing his arms in frustration when no one even pretended to join in.

On the way to North Tower Ron asked what Umbridge had him doing, and Harry hesitated a beat before saying lines.

Harry had to fight hard to repress a shiver from the lot of them glaring at that, but he met their eyes defiantly as he snapped, "what, it's not-" then he met his father's eyes and looked away shamefully, their fight from this morning still weighing heavily on his mind. He still wasn't sure if James had forgiven him for his omissions at the Dursleys place, and trying to put this off clearly wasn't doing himself any favors, so for now he instead pressed his mouth tight together and hoped Ron didn't push this any farther.

Ron tried to say it wasn't so bad then, which Harry agreed with uneasily. Ron did ask with a touch of hope if Harry would be there on Friday, to which Harry said no, and Ron groaned in sympathy.

Sirius could feel his mind plucking at a past thread, how he'd have loved to make some superior comment about how Ron could have more going on there than sympathy for his friend, but Harry's face was now tight and drawn just as much from avoiding James' eyes as it was from still rubbing at the back of his hand in pain.

Angelina was far less pleased when she heard, shouting at him in the middle of the hall that if he expected to keep his own position he'd better sort out his other commitments.

"Commitments!?" For just a moment the injustice of Angelina's comment at least got Sirius to stop contemplating murder. "Merlin, the girls acting like you're going to Charms club instead, not being tortured," he finished on the same vicious keel he'd been on.

Harry sighed. Even when they were in agreement, they still couldn't relax.

Harry shouted after her he was in detention!

Hermione tried to console him as well at least it was only lines, that wasn't the most dreadful thing.

Harry really wished his friends would quit bringing that up, it caused him to shift anxiously and still not be able to say anything to the contrary amongst the thick layer of anger still pulsing in here.

Harry chose not to respond. He'd chosen not to tell of his true detentions because he couldn't stand the horror on their faces when they heard.

Harry scowled at nothing in here instead of having to continue seeing their faces with that same look. He had no clue how long he could hide this from Ron and Hermione, but he doubted long enough his families temper had cooled, or at this point if it even would.

That would make the whole thing seem worse and therefore more difficult to face.

Lily finally felt her boiling anger simmer as she got a proper look at her son, and let out a small noise of sympathy as she got up to sit on the arm of the sofa and scooped his hand away from him so he'd quit rubbing at it, now she was. The skin twitching across the old scar in remembered distress finally started to slow.

He'd also justified to himself this was between him and Umbridge, a private battle of wills, and she would not get the satisfaction of hearing he'd complained to a single person.

Remus wanted to whack Harry over the head with the book for that comment, there was a difference between telling when something was being done to you and whining about a hard detention. He fought hard to resist the temptation though, forcing himself to remember it wouldn't help anything even if it would make him feel a bit better.

Ron changed subject to complaining of the homework piling up, and Hermione asked where he'd been when she'd been doing hers last night.

Lily had absolutely no desire just to lightly change the subject and pretend like this wasn't happening anymore, but at this point the lingering silence was even starting to make her infant uneasy on the floor. If he could feel the atmosphere even while the cat had crawled over and was trying to catch his mobile now, no matter how often it floated just out of reach, as further distraction she knew she should do something. "So you think Ron's practicing for the tryouts that Friday?"

Harry gave her such a pleased smile for any normal conversation it did make it worth it, even if her throat was still too raw for it to have come off completely normal.

"Yeah, reckon so. I didn't notice it at the time obviously, but I'm really hoping he makes it."

Sirius made a disgruntled little noise, but took pity on Lily and added in as well, "nothing better than playing Quidditch with your mates."

Remus felt like he was biting a lemon but put in casually enough, "poor Hermione's going to be left in the stands by her lonesome now."

James huffed, muttered a few more extra death threats for good measure, but finally nodded and said, "she can sit with Neville and cheer them both on."

Harry was actually smiling, and forcing himself to relax now. Even forced casual conversation was better than counting the ways each of them wanted to kill her.

Ron gave the shifty answer of saying he'd wanted a walk.

"He's as adept at lying as Harry," Remus grumbled under his breath.

"Wonder if he put a leash on his broom," Sirius snipped.

Harry had the distinct impression that he was not alone in concealing things at the moment.

He winced and wanted to smack himself over the head as he realized Ron's was hardly on the same level as his, as his mother suddenly crushing has hand informed him.

The next detention was the same as the last, and Harry wondered if it would take the words being left permanently on his hand to satisfy Umbridge.

"Mum," Harry finally protested through gritted teeth. She had to concentrate on every finger to stop her death grip on that hand, to make sure no part of him was being hurt right now, even accidentally by herself.

Not a whisper of pain escaped him as his hand continued growing inflamed through the night, all he spoke was his good evening and goodnight to her.

Harry was clearly starting to feel a little desperate with the suffocating mood around him, almost understandable since he didn't feel the same way even if that part was mind boggling, so Sirius cobbled together some kind of compliment in, "you sure know how to hold your tongue."

Harry eyed him wearily, unsure how to reply to that and almost thankful he wasn't expected to.

His homework situation now at a level he could not ignore, instead of going off to bed in the early mornings he was released from these detentions, he instead cobbled together some meager essay for Snape, a must unless he wanted to suffer detention with him next. He dashed off some answers for McGonagall's homework without looking at the questions, did a stick drawing of the bowtruckle creature for Professor Grubbly-Plank, and finally staggered to sleep as the sun was peeking up.

Lily wished desperately her son's biggest concern was blowing off his homework for something that didn't involve his getting a scar out of it, now she wished she could go give those teachers the reason her son was struggling to do this for them. She was honestly hoping McGonagall would be mentioned any moment now demanding of Harry why this sudden change in what she'd heard was at least a good student. She gave her son credit he was even bothering to do the assignments honestly, instead of outright refusing.

By Thursday night, the mark on the back of his hand wasn't even properly healing, but instead droplets of blood were oozing onto his wrist and onto the parchment. At the pause of the scratching quill, Umbridge looked up.

"Mum," Harry tried to finally protest and pull his hand away in pain as her nails began digging into the mark as well. She released him instantly with regret she'd done so, but her fist only contracted again into her own palm, the anger wouldn't recede.

Harry still tried for a soothing tone of voice for the lot of them, "you must have known this was coming, it wouldn't scar if it kept healing so fast every time."

"If you try to pretend this isn't a big deal one more time mister, I will silence you," Lily promised.

Harry clipped his mouth shut and finally gave in that there was nothing else for it, and just decided he'd have to let them be angry at least until this week was up.

She moved around to inspect it, but said that one more night would still give him a better reminder.

Harry bent to pick up his bag with his left hand instead of his smarting right one while asking if he still had to come back tomorrow.

"I think we should check you weren't recently hit on the head on top of all this, thinking a thing like that," Sirius managed in some semblance of words rather than the deep growls it mostly was.

She agreed at once, saying the message could be etched deeper.

Harry had never considered he'd find a teacher he hated more than Snape,

James already knew she'd passed Snape in his book. Snivellus was many things, and James owed him a good deck or two for a lot of them not just towards Harry, but who would have thought he could consider it a blessing Snape had never drawn his son's blood! Why was that a standard now?!

but as he stalked off to his tower he realized he'd found a contender. His vile thoughts circling the woman about how she was an evil, twisted, mad old, Ron?

"Your friend's being used as an insult now?" Remus said bleakly, but that one had been surprising enough his anger had dropped for just one second.

He nearly collided with his friend ducking behind a statue holding his broom, which he quickly tried to keep out of sight.

Sirius narrowed his eyes, cocked his head to one side than the other, before shaking his head but ultimately saying nothing. He'd have liked to pass a crack along about Ron's stellar attempts there, but anything other than swear words were still escaping him.

Harry asked what he was doing, to which Ron said nothing at once and asked what he was doing.

Harry laughed, though he was sadly still the only one, at Ron's piss poor redirection. He was still half hoping it wouldn't work and he could go five seconds without hearing one of them promise something worse than death.

Harry frowned and asked what he'd been hiding for?

Ron explained the twins had just come through with a group of first years, couldn't do their testing in the common room anymore obviously.

Lily arched a brow at that comment, thinking she'd have liked to smack Ron for hiding from the twins of all things. The least he could have done was walked by pretending he didn't care, but that one was almost sad.

Harry persisted why he had his broom then? Had he been flying?

"No Harry, he takes it down to the Shrieking Shack to polish it, didn't you know?" James rolled his eyes in exasperation at Harry, who just gave an eager smile back at any kind of normal response, even if James's eyes had flickered to Harry's hand again and at once settled back into a scowl.

Ron was turning red as he forced himself to begin saying Harry couldn't laugh, but he was going to try out for Keeper on Friday, than conceding his friend could go on and laugh about it.

"He started by telling you not to laugh, then ended saying you could, Ron needs to pick his side," Remus snorted lightly.

"Better to ask forgiveness than permission," Sirius offered, while Remus stared blankly at him for a second before saying, "if you're going to try and say things like that, at least make sure they make sense first."

Sirius pouted at him, beginning to protest it had made perfect sense, but Remus was now ignoring him.

Harry was almost elated watching them pick at each other, even if it was more stilted than anything. He didn't care, it just wasn't in the Marauders nature to hold onto anger, even if they could keep a grudge for the rest of their lives.

Harry at once said he wasn't going to laugh, he found it a brilliant idea, asking if he'd ever played the position?

"Thought you played with him a bit over the summers," James couldn't seem to stop himself joining in, while Lily rolled her eyes at the ceiling that of course it would be Quidditch to make them seem normal again.

"He was a Chaser with me, we didn't have a snitch or bludger of course," Harry shrugged. "One of the twins was always going around trying to knock us off while the other played Keeper. That summer Bill and Charlie were there we almost had a full game, but still Ron and I teamed up."

"Good to practice the other positions now and again," Sirius nodded with enthusiasm.

Harry looked like he wanted to keep going, just to sit around and chat about this for hours, but Remus wasn't going to let him put this off forever.

Ron agreed he wasn't bad, the twins and Charlie usually had him be Keeper over the holidays when they played.

"Wonder why they switched it up with you around?" Lily asked politely, just because she couldn't deny her son and he was still in full swing chatting about this.

"I'm sure I just took Charlie's place on the team up's," Harry smiled for her attempts even as he restrained himself this time in admission.

Then he said he'd been out practicing since Tuesday night.

"I wonder what he would have done if I hadn't gotten detentions the first week," Harry said in surprise.

"Probably asked you to join him," Sirius shrugged, the most violent motion of his shoulders he could, Harry just lightly referring to them as detentions nearly sent him into a blue streak all over again.

He'd been bewitching the balls to fly at him, though he wasn't sure how much good it was doing. He was positive Fred and George would laugh themselves stupid when he showed up tomorrow.

"Oh I'm sure they won't," Lily began even as the others snorted lightly in agreement.

She tisked at the lot of them while Harry was almost completely relaxed again.

They hadn't stopped taking the mickey out of him since he'd been made prefect.

"I doubt they will anytime soon," Remus agreed.

Harry wished he could be there as well, and while Ron started to agree, he cut off to ask what that was on Harry's hand?

Harry groaned in misery and buried his face in his hands, only successfully putting the mark back in the spotlight. He couldn't help it, he just couldn't go one moment without someone harping on about this could he.

Harry had reached up to scratch his nose as he spoke, putting his right hand on display for just that moment. He tried to tuck it back away, but did as good a job as Ron had with his Cleansweep.

"Hum," Sirius uttered between gritted teeth, "hand you can stick in your pocket, or broom the size of you, oh yes, very hard to hide them both."

"Ron had better make Keeper," Harry grumbled as he rubbed at his wrist, "reflexes were good enough to grab me before I could."

Ron had caught hold of Harry and kept his hand in front of his face until what he was seeing registered, then he released Harry with disgust as he asked about those lines?

Remus said that with the equivalent of speaking of The Chamber of Secrets.

Harry thought they were being too dramatic again and wished this chapter would end.

Harry hesitated, but finally told of what had really been going on.

Ron whispered with revulsion how sick that was, why hadn't he gone to McGonagall already?

"There's the proper response!" Sirius threw his hands in the air in exasperation.

"Hallelujah at least one of you does," James agreed, his mouth still twisted in his own disgust, he hadn't taken his eyes off the white mark on his son for a solid minute now.

Harry said he wasn't letting her know she'd gotten to him.

Ron snapped back they couldn't let her get away with this, while Harry deflected he didn't see how McGonagall could stop this.

"Enough power to report her for student abuse!" Lily had to try very hard to stop herself shrieking in frustration again.

Harry just frowned at her oddly as he reminded, "to be reported to the same man who also thinks I'm a lying attention seeker?"

Lily ceased, but her face only flushed with more frustration. She didn't care how it was done, Dumbledore had better do something to get that monster away from her boy even if he had to start a revolt on the Ministry to do it.

Ron switched to saying he should go to Dumbledore then, but Harry flat out refused, his headmaster had enough on his mind, while privately thinking he didn't want to go speaking to the man who hadn't spoken to him since June.

James still found that an absolutely ludicrous reason, Harry was being petty and honestly an idiot. Whatever Dumbledore was doing with his life he would put on hold for this madness! Despite trying to catch Harry's eye though, it was clear he still believed this as much as before and there just wasn't any good in convincing him of this now.

Ron insisted he still should, now stopping outside their portrait of the Fat Lady to block Harry entering so he could insist, but the Fat Lady wouldn't let him and said she wasn't going to stay up all night so they could have their conversation.

Remus gave an irritated huff at that painting cutting Ron off like that, as most likely Harry had taken the moment to dart up to bed without his friend furthering his point.

Harry awoke on Friday and could only find two very feeble things to get him through the day. He had a very distant view of the Quidditch pitch from Umbridge's office so he may get to see just a slight bit of the action, and it was almost the weekend. Small though these were, Harry was looking for anything to lighten his day, he'd never had a worse first week back.

"I don't think anyone has," James agreed grimly.

At five o'clock that evening he knocked on Professor Umbridge's office door for what he sincerely hoped would be the final time,

Somehow, it was all the worse for the lot of them they knew it wasn't. If it had taken four days just for it to not begin healing properly, than just how many times had it taken for it to start scaring!? The answer was very obviously more than five, and they each wanted to do something far more than to just sit here hearing about that.

His set up lay ready, and Harry only had to shift his seat just slightly to be able to get a look of the dozen or so people out on the pitch, but not distinguishable enough to tell which was Ron.

"Thought that red hair would come in handy for once," Sirius began jittering in place, his wand still clutched tightly in his hand almost hopefully as he eyed the fireplace, Harry fearing at any moment he was going to snap and go hunting that woman down.

He began as always, I must not tell lies, and the cut began bleeding afresh at once.

Harry sighed, but held his hand back out for his mother. She took it gratefully, but gingerly this time, cradling it as if he were made of glass while her thumb kept pressure on his old wound.

Again and again, only pausing to look up with hope now and again to keep marks of how those were doing. The first person up let in two very easy saves, and Harry hoped that wasn't Ron before dropping his eyes back down to the parchment that had as much blood from his hand as the quill now.

James was vibrating in place, torn between wanting to hear of more happy details about Quidditch and continue raging about this abuse happening to Harry. Contemplate the bad, or at least try and think on some good. He was entirely grateful Remus was the one reading, he wasn't sure which he would have focused on.

By the sixth and seventh person's turn, it was too dark for Harry to make out what was going on anymore.

Sirius still almost wished Harry would simply up and leave, go down to that pitch and see what that woman did to stop him. It truly was the worst part to him Harry was subjecting himself to this, allowing it to happen without a fight because he'd somehow convinced himself he was proving a point, instead he was doing the opposite and just giving in to her will.

Again he was there for several hours until Umbridge called for his hand again.

"Don't break the book again," Harry groaned when Remus started tensing in disgust. "We've still got ages to go, and this one's been more battered than all the others already."

"She'd better stop putting those webbed fingers near you then," Remus muttered without remorse, but managed to not rip the binding off even if his tendons stayed visible.

It was as she examined the depth of the wound it happened, a sharp searing pain across his scar, and an unfamiliar sensation swooping through his midriff.

Remus froze, finally his mind being released from picturing that ghastly woman, only to focus on the one threat above her.

"The last time your scar hurt like that-" Lily began uneasily, but broke off because they all knew what she meant.

"Used to be it was just when you dreamed though," Remus agreed brokenly, "and when he was around. Now it's happening even more?" His voice was quickly rising into an almost shouting level of panic at the end.

Harry couldn't bring himself to pull his hand away from his mother to rub at his scar in remembrance of this happening, so instead he tried to understand the other feeling that he was sure he should have been able to identify. Surely not while around Umbridge, but a feeling he got every time he looked at his parents, like-

"What do you think caused it this time?" Sirius' voice instantly cut off Harry's train of thought. "Not that toadstool surely."

"If being around the fake Moody didn't, I don't think that walking dung would even if she was working for him," James disagreed.

"I still wish I knew why it was happening at all," Lily grumbled as the only answer they'd ever vaguely gotten for that had been unsatisfactorily given by Dumbledore. Though it wasn't entirely anyone's fault, perhaps no one would ever know, this was an entirely new thing.

Remus wished they had more to go on, anything else to say or speculate, but in the absence of that, even just to be done with this bit of torture Harry was enduring already just by being in the same castle as Trevor's ugly stepsister.

He wrenched his arm free to find her wide smile down on him, asking if that had hurt.

His heart was thumping unevenly in his chest as he wondered if she meant his hand, or his forehead?

"I, she can't have!" Lily whimpered uneasily. "There's just no way. She's a vile creature, but not like Quirrell was, it can't be possible with Voldemort having his own body now."

"The timing of that though," James didn't need any more reason to want to gut this blight, and yet he'd been given one. "I'm not sure I'm buying the coincidence of it all, happening when she touched him."

"For the second time though," Sirius reminded, "if this had happened the first I'd be more inclined to agree."

"We just don't have enough to go on," Remus huffed with a sorrowful eye on Harry, wishing he did have more answers for him, as clearly he was watching them eagerly like he hoped they'd crack this wide open any moment. He seemed to realize as he looked to Remus though that he'd just have to let them speculate for now rather than pressing for any more facts from him, no matter how much he wanted to pry open his mind and give them.

He was dismissed, for hopefully the final time, and his mind was racing all the way back to the tower, where he was bombarded upon entrance by Ron beaming in his face.

"I think Ron made the team," Lily said distantly, Quidditch the last thing on all of their minds, everyone was still very deep in thought over this latest development.

Harry had to work hard to wrap his mind back to Ron shouting about himself being Keeper! His heart was still racing and his hand was still throbbing with blood as he tried for a natural smile.

Lily had not forgotten that one for a moment though, her gentle warm touch all that was stopping Harry pressing his sleeve onto it as if to stem the remembered flow in pain.

He eagerly pressed a Butterbeer into his hands while Harry asked where Hermione was. He gestured to a chair where she was dozing off.

Sirius couldn't help a snort of laughter escape, even if it was far more subdued than normal with his mind so off track.

Ron looked put out she'd fallen asleep, though at least she'd congratulated him when he'd first come in.

"I'm sure he's disappointed she's not hanging off his arm with admiration," James agreed distantly.

George quickly told the two to let her sleep, his eyes flickering to a group of first years who all bore recent signs of nosebleeds.

"So? The little first years were probably all out dueling or something," Remus half heartedly played off, his mind entirely not on it.

Katie called Ron back to the group to see if Oliver's old robes would fit him, as Angelina sidled up to Harry and apologized for her temper earlier.

"She says after the fact," Lily sniffed, but it was curbed slightly that at least she had at all.

This Captain thing was stressful, and she now regretted how hard she'd been on Wood. Her eyes continued resting on Ron as she kept going about how she did not find Ron fabulous for the new position.

"Well going for the jugular does get your point across best," Sirius snorted while Remus automatically moved away from him for the reminder.

He'd been her third choice, but Geoffrey was a terrible whiner she didn't want to put up with, and Vicky had admitted outright she'd put her Charms Club ahead of any Quidditch practice. She knew his brothers had talent and was hoping Ron was holding back more than he'd shown at the tryouts today.

"I'm all the more glad she picked Ron then," James frowned on Ron's behalf.

"Not very good of her just to be banking he'd pan out because his brothers have talent though," Lily shook her head.

"Everyone seems to compare the lot of them, even the other students," Sirius muttered agreement.

She had a practice set for two tomorrow, and pleaded with him to show up. Harry promised he'd be there for that one, and she gave him a grateful smile as she departed.

Harry went over to Hermione, feeling if he didn't tell someone soon he'd burst.

She woke up with a start and apologized, saying she'd been up nearly as late as him making hats in her dorm.

"They're probably all scratching their heads trying to figure out why people keep leaving their stuff around more than usual," Sirius snorted enthusiastically this time at such a stupid change of subject.

Harry completely ignored this and told of what had happened with Umbridge, but while concerned, Hermione at once said she didn't think it was the same thing as it had been with Quirrell.

Harry still tried to say it was a possibility.

"Not in the same way," Lily gently reminded while Harry nodded his agreement. At that time he'd been far more panicky over it, rather than now where he felt a bit more cool headed, though still with the same amount of answers.

Hermione was not convinced he could still be sharing a body now that he had his own, though she could be under the Imperius Curse.

"I don't think that would cause the sensation though," Remus muttered disagreement.

Last year his scar had hurt without anyone touching him though, and Dumbledore had said this correlated with moods from You-Know-Who. Perhaps this had nothing to do with Umbridge.

"I'm still not saying I believe in that coincidence," James shook his head again.

Harry insisted she was evil, and while Hermione agreed with that part, she still said he should go to Dumbledore and see what he thought.

It was the second time in two days he'd been advised to go see Dumbledore,

"Well both Ron and Hermione together aren't usually wrong," Sirius tried a wheedling voice, for some reason still trying to get Harry to admit that in here.

"Usually because they're agreeing with me," Harry said flatly, trying to hide his sarcasm with a flat voice and failing a bit.

and gave her the same answer he had Ron about how he wasn't going to be bothering him. It had been hurting all summer, this was just a little worse than usual.

Hermione tried to say Dumbledore would want to know, but Harry cut in that was the only part Dumbledore ever wanted to know, about his scar.

Remus stopped cold, but shook that off very fast and at once protested, "Harry, you know that's not true. He cares about you as a person-"

"Couldn't tell lately," Harry snipped right back.

Remus looked pleadingly to the others for backup, but felt all the worse he wasn't seeing much more of it there.

In all honesty, they had been wondering for ages just why Dumbledore had taken such an interest in Harry when he'd no moral obligation to whatsoever. Why place him with the Dursleys instead of letting Sirius take him? Why do anything with Harry's safety once Voldemort had been announced dead and Dumbledore shouldn't have had a reason to think so otherwise. The answer circled back to the uniqueness of Harry's scar, and perhaps their old headmaster wanting to keep an eye on it.

Remus didn't want to believe this though, not the same Albus who'd seen past the monster and allowed him to go to school, so he let none of them voice any of their ideas and kept going loudly for Hermione's protest.

Hermione tried to say that wasn't true, but Harry ignored the comment and instead said he'd write to Sirius and tell him.

"It took you till Friday to think of that!" Sirius demanded, the thought had been in the back of his head since he'd had a clear thought again.

"It only happened that day," Harry said back in confusion, before the astounded faces reminded him that wasn't all his godfather was talking about. He failed to respond further though, waving back to the book as he could already remember Hermione's disapproving face of the idea and he had no doubts she'd tell him why.

Hermione shot down the idea at once, it was too dangerous to be sending letters with such important information, they could be intercepted.

"Get creative!" Sirius said just a bit desperately. "Honestly Harry, I know you know how to get around the truth now, I can take a hint and read between the lines of whatever you send."

Harry just gazed sadly at him, but there was nothing left in him to convince himself he hadn't given up on the idea quickly enough.

Harry gave in, and simply decided he was going to bed, asking if she'd tell Ron for him.

She shot to her feet and decided she'd sneak off with him so as not to be rude.

"I'm starting to wonder why Ron puts up with the two of you," James heaved a sigh. "Can't even scrape together a laugh during this joyous occasion."

She wanted to get to bed early and make more hats tomorrow morning. Then she offered if he'd like to join her?

Lily made a soft attempt at a laugh for the girls enthusiasm that was still being restrained by her ever growing fear of her son's past, and future.

Harry looked into her face and tried to falsify his enthusiasm about how he couldn't tomorrow, too busy, before slipping off so as not to see her disappointment.

Remus all too happily closed his chapter with a very sharp snap, still having the desire for that extendable tongue to be caught in the pages.

[alastanor]

Thanks for tagging me @thalfox this took me a long time to finish, and I'm gonna be dog tired in the morning, but it was worth it. Lol. Hope you have as much fun reading it as I did writing it.

1 • What is your MC’s name? What is their name origin? What does it mean (if it ever has a meaning).

❄ Eirlys is Welsh for "Snowdrop" and it is pronounced as either Eye-r-liss, or Aye-r-liss. Depending on which part of Wales you hear the name.

2 • When is their birthday? How old are they? What about their zodiac sign? (bonus point if you give their rising or even their birth/natal chart)

♋ She was born March 10th, and she is a Pisces.

As for her age, this one has more to do with RAD. RAD stands for Royal Academy of Diavolo. An academy, if you search the definition, is typically a school of higher learning or secondary education. Like a college, if you will. But Academy doesn't always refer to a sort of college. In some cases, it can also apply to a High School. My theory is that RAD is a mixture of both. A sort of college, but with hints of High School-esque scheduling and culture. Or perhaps it can function as both. I tend to lean toward the latter, in which case I make Eirlys somewhere between 20 and 23 years old.

3 • What is your MC’s gender? And what are their sexual/romantic preferences?

Eirlys identifies primarily as female with she/her pronouns. She is demisexual, and considers herself panromantic. However, she puts a heavy emphasis on romance.

(Me personally, I don't mind they/them pronouns though I typically identify with she/her. I am also demisexual but biromantic.)

4 • What is your MC’s race? (human, demon, angel, other). If human, what are their nationality and origins?

💁‍♀️Eirlys is human. As for nationality, origins, heritage, etc... Eirlys grew up in Japan, though she herself is not ethnically Japanese.

5 • Before coming to Devildom, what was their occupation? (job, studies…)

📖 Eirlys worked part time in her school's library while attending classes full time at a college overseas.

6 • Height? Weight? Describe their body type.

Eirlys is 5'3" (160 cm) and roughly 110 lbs (49.8 kgs). Her body type would best be described as a triangle/pear shape (slim chest, breasts on the smaller side, while body widens out into voluptuous hips).

7 • Who is/are your MC’s love interest(s) (if they ever have one). Summarise their dynamic.

💛 Eirlys found Mammon irritating when she first met him, and became increasingly frustrated at how he looked down on her for being a human. But over time, as she got to know him, she came to enjoy his conversation and his company. He made her laugh, and despite being a demon he was so full of energy and life that Eirlys found not just refreshing but endearing. Before long, she realized she had fallen in love with him despite the protests of his brothers regarding her taste in men.

🧡 Leviathan was another of the brothers Eirlys found infuriating, not just in how he also looked down on her for being human, but how often he whined and complained about seemingly everything when they first met. But like Mammon, the more she got to know him, the more she found she had in common with Leviathan. Falling asleep on his shoulder watching anime with him in his room, or enjoying his company while playing games, has made it increasingly difficult not to love him in some capacity even if she loves Mammon more. Because of this, she allows Leviathan to believe she would never be interested in him. As cruel as that might be for both of them.

💜 Belphegor, on the other hand, she is fully aware of how he feels about her. She keeps it platonic between them, because even though she has forgiven him for his deceit and his attempt to kill her not once- but twice, she cannot forget it. The memory sours any thoughts of being more than just friends. Somewhere deep in his heart, she is sure Belphie knows this. And deeply regrets it.

8 • Does your MC have any specific appearance features? (Scars, marks, anything else)

She has skin pale as fresh snow, fluffy light pink hair like sweet cotton candy, and clear pale celeste blue/aquamarine colored eyes.

Beyond this, there is nothing remotely remarkable or striking about her.

9 • Does your MC have any disabilities? (physical, mental health, etc). How do they deal with it?

Eirlys has suffered some trauma in the past which has led to some issues. Don't want to give too much away as I am in the process of writing a fic.

10 • How do you imagine your MC’s voice? Describe it.

Her voice is gentle and light. Silvery, dulcet tones might be a good way to describe it. Her voice will get rather harsh and stentorian if she is angry enough.

11 • Does your MC have any tattoos or piercings? Just tell us more about it!

She has pierced ears on her lobes, she was never brave enough to get any in the cartilage as much as she wanted them. Her skin reacts badly to many kinds of metals, a kind of skin allergy, so she can never keep piercings in for very long.

12 • Describe their clothing style (if they have a favorite style). Do they have specific accessories Bonus question: how do they wear RAD uniform?

To sum it up, Eirlys dresses in typically classic chic style with a touch of hipster or grunge here and there.

For her uniform, Eirlys keeps it looking crisp and sleek. These would be good examples. Of fashion types and how she wears her uniform.

The RAD uniform images, the not quite RAD uniform one on the right, I thought the skirt may be more in line with what the uniform used. Versus the pencil skirt-esque look on the left. The boots on the right would also be more akin to what Eirlys would wear.

Is your MC able to use magic? If so, are they skilled? How do they learn? Were they able to use it before coming to Devildom?

🔮 Eirlys is still learning about her abilities, abilities that have not fully awoken though they had been stirred when Solomon allowed her to use his powers. Using his powers was like the catalyst to tapping into a yet untapped wellspring. Though the water from that wellspring has yet to fully come forward.

Before that, Eirlys fully believed she was just another unremarkable human with nothing special about her, as Lucifer often said.

14 • Describe your MC’s parents (names, jobs, personalities). Do they have any siblings? What is their relationship with their family?

🎀 From what Eirlys knows of her parents through stories, her parents loved one another very much. Her mother had been her father's first love in college, and years later they had her. However, when she was still very young her family had been killed by a reckless drunk driver while visiting other family. Eirlys was taken in by her aunt, who worked as a fashion consultant in Tokyo.

15 • How many languages do they speak? Which ones?

🀄 English and Japanese, though she is wanting to learn how to read Devilish and Celestial.

16 • What is their relationship with each brother?

I already mentioned Mammon, Levi, and Belphie above. So I will leave them out here.

🖤 Lucifer - When Eirlys first met Lucifer, she didn't know what to make of him. All she knew was that he was intimidating and likely very dangerous. It took a lot of time for her to not only come to trust Lucifer and feel safe around him, but to like him and understand his motives behind his methods. But Lucifer was never her type, and instead she looks to him now like a younger sister to a reliable older brother. Even if that older brother can be mildly sadistic in his teasing.

💚 Satan - After being introduced to Satan, Eirlys did find him attractive and was excited to find another bookworm even here among all the demons. However, after she was introduced to Satan and came to find Satan smiled when he was angry, she found communicating with him equally as intimidating as Lucifer's threats. Trying to figure out when he was angry and when he was genuinely happy really did a number on her anxiety, and eventually kept her from really communicating with him overmuch for an extended length of time. It wasn't until later that she tried getting to know him better, and coming to find the source of all his anger. That information became the catalyst and foundation to their continuously building and growing friendship.

❤ Beelzebub - Beel has ever been the sweet one, even if he was a bit more distant when they first met. Beel was never outright cold or condescending to Eirlys, and the closer they became the sweeter he became. Before long, she found just how considerate and gentle Beel truly was. Despite this, Beel never appealed to her romantically. Instead, much like Lucifer, she looks to Beel as a gentle and reliable brother of sorts.

💗 Asmodeus - His penchant for lechery always threw Eirlys off balance, being the non-sexual type. When she first met him and found he was the Avatar of Lust, her first instinct was to keep ten yards between them at all times. Asmodeus was the wild card in the deck of seven for Eirlys, because though he has tendencies toward the egotistical side, she can never fully peg him. Even after getting to know him and forming a bond with him. Asmodeus, she found, has ever been able to tell when something he did was making her uncomfortable. He never pushed cuddling beyond what Eirlys wanted it to be or was comfortable with, even if he joked occasionally about doing it naked.

17 • What is their relationship with each side characters?

🐕 Luke: She was rather bemused upon meeting Luke, and seeing him standing in contrast to Simeon lit an amused glint within her eyes. Perhaps it was because he was an angel, but Eirlys bonded with Luke rather quickly. Though she cannot say she likes everything about the child-like angel, as his anti-demon sentiment has grated on her the more she has bonded with the boys (it has grown more half-hearted recently), but she counts Luke among the few within the three realms she can fully rely on.

🕊 Simeon: He was always rather mesmerizing for Eirlys, in ways the demons weren't. Perhaps it was the mystery that surrounded him despite being such a beautiful angel. His eyes, so striking against his features, were particularly what drew her in. Whenever she speaks with Simeon, she cannot help but smile. Despite all this, she has closed her heart off to anything beyond friendship with Simeon. Perhaps because she already has feelings for Mammon and more complicated ones for Leviathan, or perhaps because she feels a relationship with an angel would be too out of bounds for a human like her. Maybe both. Either way, she considers Simeon a very dear friend.

🦋 Solomon: He was one Eirlys didn't think much of when she first met him, though she was rather jealous of his abilities. She did slowly think of him in more friendly terms, however there was always something about him she didn't fully trust. Solomon has ever been the Cheshire Cat to her Alice.

🏵 Diavolo: Eirlys doesn't really have a very strong opinion one way or the other about him. Though the mere fractions of a moment she has spent getting to know him, the more she finds her opinion shifting to the positive. He has demonstrated himself to be incredibly thoughtful, compassionate (for a demon), and mature each time. Even if he hides it behind a constantly smiling face.

🐉 Barbatos: A mysterious and handsome face. This was the first thought that entered Eirlys's mind when she first met Barbatos. But after learning of his abilities and seeing them in action, Barbatos has bypassed all other demons in the intimidation department and landed himself firmly on the "never piss off under any circumstances" list.

Not exactly an accurate graph, but it's the best I can do restricted to mobile.

18 • What is your MC’s main hobbies and passions?

♥️ Her hobbies include: reading, music, dancing (hip hop and the like), anime, manga, video games, dramas, and movies (except horror, because she is a little chicken shit and will be the first to admit it).

♠️ She has a passion for dancing and singing, though she isn't good enough by any means to be considered professional, and typically her singing and dancing has been in rooms alone, in the shower, or driving alone in her car (in the human world).

She also has a big love for stories, especially fantasy and romance. Be they in books, movies, anime/manga, or dramas.

19 • Why did they end up in Devildom in the first place? What happened to them?

An email went out to all the students of high school and college age, explaining the exchange program with a world long thought to be a mere myth stemmed from religion, and nothing more. Those interested in participating could apply and send in their application for consideration. Anyone not interested could simply disregard the email. It explained a deadline, details and requirements for application, along with signing an agreement form explaining the rules of conduct within the Devildom. It was surprisingly thorough and organized for a simple email.

Eirlys was intrigued, but a part of her thought it was just an elaborate prank. Over the next few weeks, she heard more and more about people who had put in an application and eventually she too relented and sent in an application. Though her application was sent right at the last minute. Almost literally.

20 • What is your MC’s MBTI type?

ENFJ

21 • Do they have a pact with each bro? Do they often use their pacts? In which situations?

Yes, she has a pact with each brother. And each pact has left it's mark on her. However, she refuses to use her pacts unless she absolutely has to. Though there are times when she has used them out of anger (think "sit, boy!" from Inuyasha).

22 • What is their favorite place in Devildom?

Her room, the music room, and the Royal Library. Though there is an odd beauty to the old Colliseum when it is empty.

23 • Which sin fits them the most?

This one is difficult, but if I had to pick one I would say Pride or Envy.

24 • Describe their personality.

Eirlys is a rather compassionate and kind person with a passion for life and a fierce loyalty to her select group of friends. She is a genuine, honest, and caring individual and a passionate altruist. Sometimes even to a fault, and she is unlikely to be afraid to take the slings and arrows while standing up for the people and ideas she believes in.

Eirlys won't turn down an opportunity to spend time with those she cares about, even if that means going to social gatherings she would otherwise not attend on her own.

Despite all this, Eirlys can sometime be too idealistic or even selfless to a fault. She is prone to fluctuating self-esteem and may ask for praise or criticism out of insecurity, more than anything else. What's more, some criticisms can be easy for Eirlys to take to heart. Allowing it to further chip away at her self-confidence.

25 • What is their moral alignment?

Neutral good.

26 • Does your MC possess an object/something especially dear to their heart?

No, not really...

27 • Which character(s) do they consider as their best friend(s)?

If Mammon doesn't count considering he is the love interest, then I would have to say Levi and Beel.

28 • Choose a song that fits your MC.

Fight Song by Rachel Platten

29 • What are your MC’s religious beliefs?

Eirlys considered herself Agnostic, with some leaning toward Earthy religions. She had no beliefs in Heaven or Hell, so when she received her invitation that was rather eye opening.

30 • Describe what is inside your MC’s school bag.

Text books, notebooks, mechanical pencils, pens, highlighters, a zip bag for those things, reading books, calculator, and other generic school necessities.

31 • Describe their appearance (pic refs are ofc allowed).

♣️ Eirlys generally has fluffy waves of light pink hair that falls in cascades to the middle of her back, clear celeste blue / aquamarine eyes (haven't fully decided which), and snowy pale skin. She is not very tall, and has a triangle-shaped figure. Her fashion sense typically aligns with classic chic with a touch of hipster and grunge or street punk depending on her mood. And how she wears her uniform typically reflects this fashion sense as well, as her uniform typically looks rather crisp and pristine compared to the demon she loves.

Otherwise the other best examples I have are these images, one from a webcomic on Tappytoons.

The top image is probably as close as I can get, with the changes being thicker hair and eyes that are more blue like the girl in the images below. There is also the matter of her bangs being what curls inward as opposed to the tufts of hair beside her ears. The girl below, her hair is a bit too curly, though and her bangs aren't right. Plus the tufts on the side of her face down curl against her cheeks enough like the images above. But beyond all that, this is as close to an example of what my MC looks like. How she wears her uniform is portrayed above.

Tagging || @mammon-chan @mammoron @obeymesideblog @obeyme-lumos @beelzebubisbestwaifu @slavetothemocha @mammon-squad @mambeelz

And anyone else who wants to join in.

[strawberrysoup]

Let’s Review || Chapter 11

Peter Parker knew that his big sister would do anything for him to be safe and happy. She’d given up everything for him twice over already and would do it again in a heartbeat. And that’s why, when the criminal mastermind Tony Stark started inextricably following him around, he didn’t say a word. Because he knew without a doubt Penny would do whatever she had to if it meant keeping Peter safe. He had to protect her, just like she always protected him. He never considered what would happen if Stark decided both Parker siblings were worth taking. Never considered who else in Stark’s inner circle would agree. He just wanted to protect her and yet somehow, they both ended up with needles in their necks.

relationship: Steve Rogers/Original Female Character/Bucky Barnes, background Peter Parker/Tony Stark rating: Explicit/18+ warnings: Dark Steve Rogers, Dark Bucky Barnes, Dark Tony Stark, Dark Avengers, kidnapping, non-con/dub-con elements, underage Peter Parker, emotional and psychological abuse, very dark 

There was a weird sense of urgency and purpose when the soldiers appeared to collect her from the kitchens. They weren’t frantic per say, but she was definitely aware of a certain energy around them. As soon as Bucky walked through the doors, he made a beeline for her and swept her up into his arms. The pair were pretty touchy feely with her as a rule, but this was different for some reason. 

Most of Penny’s irritation had dissolved with the excellent meal she’d received. Chef Cohen had prepared Shakshuka, a very traditional dish that she hadn’t eaten since her mother had died. She’d burst into tears at the first bite and thanked him profusely through the meal. He was a very kind man in his late 50’s who explained that he was at her disposal whenever she was hungry, literally at any time, and would make whatever she asked for. She didn’t even have to know what she wanted specifically, all she had to do was ask for food and he would whip something up in less than an hour. 

She wasn’t sure if he understood her circumstances. He never let on that he had any idea what the situation was and she was too afraid to tell him and potentially put him in danger. He was so nice, had told her about his family— she couldn’t do anything to jeopardize him. And if he did know, she decided she’d rather him not tell her. He felt like he could be a friend if not a confidant and she couldn’t ruin that. 

“Did you have a good breakfast precious?” Bucky’s voice was nearly a coo, burying her into his arms and nuzzling against the side of her face, “I’m so sorry, baby, I’m so sorry we didn’t realize how hungry you were. We should’ve noticed, we should’ve taken better care of you.” 

Penny didn’t get a chance to answer before Steve came up behind her, pressing against her back and wrapping around the both of them, “we’re gonna do a better job from now on, doll, I promise.”

“We’re gonna take you to see Bruce for a check up, okay?” the brunet pressed against her brushed his lips over her temple, “Peter said you haven’t been to the doctor in a while, he’s just going to make sure you’re alright. If there’s anything you want to talk to him about, we’ll step out of the room.”

For a moment, she considered not answering. She hated that they were making her do anything, that they were telling her what was going to happen instead of asking, but she hadn’t been to a doctor in nearly 10 years. In fact, her desire to go to the doctor was outweighing her irritation. The food had helped too. 

“Yeah, okay,” she nodded in agreement, ignoring their mutual smiles as Bucky pulled back and wrapped an arm around her waist, tugging her close before beginning to walk back towards the elevators. 

It didn’t take long to get to the doctor’s office, which was actually a lab. In the back of her head she remembered Tony saying that Bruce was a scientist that Peter liked to learn from. It would’ve endeared the man to her, if he wasn’t so fucking complicit in her kidnapping. The same thing had happened with Clint; he seemed like such a decent guy, they could’ve been friends in any other situation, and yet he wasn’t doing anything to help her. 

“Hey guys, come on in, I’m just finishing this up,” Bruce called from behind a computer, gesturing towards a table that almost resembled the chair from a doctor’s office. 

Steve lifted her up, setting her on the edge and giving her what was—fuck that was winning smile. She refused to let her heart race, remembering back to once upon a time in the coffee shop when she’d thought he was incredibly attractive and so, so nice. It was almost distracting. He leaned down and brushed his nose against hers sweetly, pressing a kiss there a moment later before backing away. 

“Alright Penny, I went ahead and pulled your medical records,” Penny didn’t want to know how he’d done that, what an invasion of privacy, “but we’re going to need to go through a lot of it now since you haven’t seen a doctor in so long and you’re a lot older now. If at any time you’re uncomfortable answering questions in front of Bucky and Steve, all you have to do is let me know and I’ll send them out, okay?” 

“Okay,” nervousness was thrumming through her a bit more now- God she hadn’t been to the doctor in so long, she wasn't sure what to expect. 

An arm came around her shoulders, a metal hand settling over the top of her arm. Bucky had saddled up as close to the table as possible, trying to offer comfort through his presence. She would absolutely never admit that she leaned into his heat a little, or that the attempt was even fractionally successful. 

The appointment wasn't as nerve wracking as she'd expected; there were a lot of questions about her past medical history and family medical history, her habits regarding smoking and drinking and exercise, he looked in her eyes and ears and listened to her breathing, did she have any allergies or take any medications? It was a lot of things she remembered from going to the doctor as a kid.

There was only one time when her heart felt like it might burst out of her chest: Bruce mentioned wanting to do a blood test. It was important in part because she hadn't ever had one, but also because she was Jewish and there were dozens of diseases passed genetically through the population. She knew of them of course, Tay-sachs and Gauchers and a slew of other things, but she'd never considered she could have them— there was no time. 

Luckily, he'd decided it wasn't a good time since she had barely been eating. Escape had been on her mind almost constantly since waking up in Stark's home but never so critically as when she thought there would be needles involved. Penny's fear of needles had started as a child and overtime had become an overwhelming, if irrational, phobia. The kidnapping via injection certainly made it worse too. 

Bruce finished up, continuing to address her rather than Steve or Bucky. It seemed peculiar for some reason, that he was being sure to treat her like her own person instead of the soldiers' property. 

"Have you ever had blood drawn Penny?" 

"Uhm, no," she did her best not to shift, not wanting to show weakness, "I'm sure it's not really necessary. I feel completely fine and—"

"There are certain genetically linked diseases I can test for with a blood panel. The fact that you probably have anemia is a little worrying because of your heritage. Now we can’t do the test today, you haven’t been eating or drinking enough, but we’ll keep an eye on your recovery over the next few days and schedule one. That being said, I want to hook up an IV for a few hours, you’re very dehydrated.”

“No, thank you,” Penny stood up from the table, composing her face carefully and putting her hands on her hips, “I’d rather just drink water.” 

“Penny I can tell you haven’t been getting enough hydration for days,” Bruce stated, ignoring the semi-panicked looks the soldiers sent each other, “Whatever your reasoning was, it’s hurting you. A drip will rehydrate you relatively quickly and you can get on with your day.” 

“I’m not in any critical danger, drinking water will be enough,” usually she wouldn’t argue with a doctor but if he came near her with a needle she would throw down. 

“Doll, it’s not an option.” 

God, how many times had she heard that. It’s not an option. It’s not an option. Nothing was ever an option. She’d been kidnapped, was being held against her will— fuck, she refused to list their sins against her again.

"I'm an adult, I get to decide what medical procedures I do and don't consent to."

"Baby, did you hit your head again? I think we're a little past consent." 

How many times would she have to physically fight these motherfuckers before they gave up. 

"I hate needles," she snapped, glaring at Steve with as much rage as she could muster, "no blood draws, no IVs, no vaccines, nothing."

Bucky stepped closer to her side, an imploring look on his face, "your health is suffering right now sweetheart, if Bruce says you need an IV, you're going to get it. We're going to take of you, Penny." 

They'd done a real stand up job of taking care of her in the last several days for sure. She'd only ended up drugged, concussed twice over, half starved, dangerously sleep deprived, and enraged. The skepticism must've shown on her face because Bucky visibly winced at the implication while Bruce had to turn and pretend to cough to cover his laughter. 

"Sweetheart, I understand that it makes you uncomfortable," Steve somehow managed to manifest in front of her in the blink of an eye and she startled backwards a step. 

The blond was freakishly fast and Penny was beginning to suspect that everyone calling him and Bucky 'super soldiers' weren't just mocking their demeanors. Steve had been strong enough to snap the lock on the bathroom door like twig, could bodily lift her with just one arm, and he moved a fraction of an inch too fast to be normal. Bucky was similar in the strength department, plus he had that arm. But instead of nearly vibrating with restrained power at all times, Bucky was almost preternaturally still. Even when she moved in the middle of the night and startled him awake, the only way she knew was because his eyes would open. He was so still sometimes she wondered if he even had to breathe, was his heart even beating? 

The brunette's arms came to wrap gently around her shoulders from behind; the way he held her was more reminiscent of a loving cuddle than a restraint but it worked all the same. If they didn't want her to go anywhere, it was going to be very hard to run off. The doors to the lab swept open abruptly, as if beckoning her to escape, but no one came through. JARVIS, always looking out. 

"I'll make your lives hell," she hissed through gritted teeth, eyes locked on the blond in front of her while Bucky backed them up and sat on the exam chair, tugging her into his lap, "if you come near me with a needle I'll shove it through your eye." 

"Penny, be sweet," Bucky's tone was firm, his arms squeezing around her in what she assumed was supposed to be a comforting gesture, "it'll all be okay and you'll feel so much better after."

Penny's eyes were dragged away from Steve when she caught movement, zeroing in on Bruce. He was fiddling with something in crinkly plastic and her blood froze in her veins when she realized it was a sterilized needle. He was preparing an IV despite her protests and panic began coursing through her like poison. 

"W-wait, wait I don't need an IV, I swear I feel fine, I'll drink a ton of water, don't do this—" 

"It’s gonna be alright babydoll," Steve cooed, understanding that her anger in this case was 100% a result of sheer terror, "Buck's gonna hold you the whole time. Bruce will give you a shot to numb the pain and—" 

"No, n-no, no, no please," Penny could barely move as Bucky locked his arms in place, holding her steady while Steve moved to block her view of Bruce, who was filling a syringe with lidocaine. 

"Shhhh, just watch me, baby," the blond brought his hands up to cup her face, manipulating her head to face him dead on, "don't pay attention to Bruce, just keep your eyes on mine." 

Tears of panic and fear began falling from her eyes, overwhelming terror beginning to consume her. There was no rationalizing the phobia, no talking herself through the fear, all she could think was I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die. When she could hear the doctor's footsteps shift in their direction, she opened her mouth and started to scream bloody murder. Thrashing wasn't effective in the least but she did the best she could, jerking every inch of her body as violently as possible. She couldn't hear anything any of them were saying, she couldn't even hear her own screams; all she could hear was the blood rushing through her ears and the mantra, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die over and over again in her head. 

"Dr. Banner, sir is currently on his way and asks that you wait to perform any procedures until he arrives." 

Bucky tensed under her but Penny barely noticed. The edges of her vision were going dark and Steve wasn't so much holding her face in place anymore as trying to caress her cheeks and jaw. She could see the doors to the lab, still open as if waiting for her to run.

Instead, Stark came through them. There was a tightness to his usual swagger and she wondered if she was imagining the irritation in the lines of his face. 

"You know I thought I had sound proofed all of the labs, but I can hear my poor girl screaming from three floors away," he commented casually as he swept in, easily pushing past Steve and stealing Penny from Bucky's lap,  pulling her into the cage of his arms, "now this is over an IV, correct?"

"Please, please, please—" Penny's voice choked off in a sob as she tried to tug away and make a break for the door. 

"Shhhh, angel, look at me," Tony carefully manipulated her head, making her look up at him through her panic, "you're going to drink plenty of water and relax all day, understand? You're going to eat plenty and drink so much water you have to pee every thirty minutes." 

"N-no needles—" 

"That's right baby, no needles," he pulled her into his chest and hushed her, stroking her hair gently while giving the three men behind her a careful look, "with supervision you'll be fine without an IV, but you have to be good, do everything you're told. Can you be a good girl for me, Penny?"

Steve and Bucky watched as their girl nodded against the man's shoulder, still crying. This wouldn't be strike two, not quite since she'd gotten so upset as a result of them trying to take care of her, but apprehension was setting in. Tony was their friend, but he wouldn't put their feelings before Penny's and that was a dangerous position to be in. Especially considering JARVIS had all but jumped ship on them and was firmly on Penny's side. 

"Now, is there anything else Brucie Bear? Because I think Penny here is gonna come with me to the labs and watch Peter try to make a robot." 

Somehow, despite the fact that they knew Penny hated Tony just as much if not more than she hated them, he was the one who managed to get through to her. Tony Stark was her mortal enemy, the kidnapper, the pedophile, and yet he was the one holding her while she cried in distress. Bucky and Steve watched on in amazement and disbelief. 

There was something about Tony that was just a touch unnatural. The way he could manipulate people was almost beyond comprehension. It showed in his friendships, the way that people who were sent to kill him were so easily turned to his side. People who didn’t want anyone, who didn’t want friends, found themselves enfolded in his presence. It was also apparent in the way that Peter had almost accepted his new situation, how he was so quickly coming to terms with the way his life had changed. Tony Stark was, as far as anyone knew, not enhanced in any way, but some of his companions had started to wonder. 

They watched as the older man spirited her away, talking loudly and keeping her tucked under his arm as they walked. Steve and Bucky were left in the dust, feeling dejected once again. 

“Leave it to Tony to decide he has more medical authority than me,” Bruce gave a low snort, rolling his eyes, “does he have 7 PHDs? No, he doesn't.” 

“We keep fuckin’ it up, don’t we?” Bucky groaned, watching the doctor step back towards his computer system, “We’re gonna end up dead. World War II and HYDRA couldn’t kill us but Tony fuckin’ Stark sure will.” 

“Hard to compete with a Goddamn witch,” Steve muttered, running a hand through his hair before crossing his arms over his chest. 

“You two need to be doing what Tony is with Peter,” Bruce interjected before the super soldiers could continue to lament their situation, “he panders to him just enough to keep him happy. He can give an inch and Peter thinks its a mile. You’re strategic geniuses, master interrogators, use your strengths.” 

The ‘dumbasses’ was implied at the end of the statement. In all fairness, he was right. 

Steve exhaled through his nose, a stabilizing breath, before turning to regard Bucky, “A garden, to start. She had a lot of things on her Pinterest account, we’re gonna look through there. JARVIS? Can you please make sure our kitchen is stocked with plenty of kosher foods?” 

“And is there anyway we can get the extra room in the apartment turned into a garden? Maybe a rooftop garden?” 

“Sir has given me full discretion to green light any construction projects that will aid in Ms. Parker’s adjustment. A section of the roof can easily be cleared for a garden and greenhouse. The east facing wall of the spare room can be replaced with floor to ceiling windows and UV lights can be installed. Might I also suggest a knitting area?”

"Yeah, that," Bucky nodded, "any other suggestions JARV?" 

"On her Pinterest Ms. Parker has shown interest in softball, soccer, crocheting, yoga and video games."

"Can you have everything she needs for those things sent for and brought to the apartment? And have everything set up as much as possible considering the renovations that'll be made for the garden room?"

"Yes sergeant, although I would suggest making room in your personal gym for Ms. Parker do to yoga."

“Good idea JARVIS,” Bucky felt a bit of relief that the AI was willing to help, even if it was only because it would help Penny in the long run, “I know we talked about keeping her secluded but I think we should show her the game room, introduce her to Thor and Sam so she can play video games with them.” 

Steve looked hesitant. The brunet knew why; they’d waited what felt like so long to find a girl who appealed to both of them. They were possessive by nature and having so little over time, growing up in the Great Depression followed by fighting in the war, only to suffer a hellish betrayal and go into the ice for so long, meant they were covetous. Sharing their girl so soon was uncomfortable and just the idea made both of them chafe. 

“Yeah, we should,” he choked after a moment, clearing his throat. 

“We’re gonna build a life, Stevie,” Bucky said quietly, stepping closer to the man and putting his hands on his shoulders, “we’re going to work this out with our girl and eventually, she’ll want to be with us as much as she can. But until we get to that point we have to make some concessions.” 

“But she’ll still sleep in our bed.”

“Yes Stevie, she’ll still sleep in our bed.”