#and if that isn’t at all how director’s commentaries go…

[bonus-links]

I got the notification the comic updated this morning like RIGHT as I had to start working! Needless to say, my excitement got me through the day (and had such good payoff omgg)! Thank you for sharing your work with the world, it brings such joy to so many people!

But directors commentary? 👀 I gotta say I love it equally as much as each update!

🎶two months without uploading they come back with a side conversation that takes up a whole update🎶 jokes aside uh. most of the rest of this chapter is going to be like this. sorry. bonus links is an excuse to have link legend of zelda philosophize at himself for 1000 pages probably at this rate

I rewrote this conversation a BUNCH. there are versions of it that are much longer, where they actually talk a bit abt the master sword— I really liked those versions, but I decided to save some of that for later. my goal was to create a convo where they both are sort of dancing around what they mean, but they come to an understanding anyway. I think Slate and Wake have a lot in common that they could bond abt.

Here’s an important note about Slate’s character: he does not lie. he says what he means. He will, however, prolifically dodge ur questions lolol

some notes from the script I left for myself abt Wake’s expressions, hope I was able to capture them lolol

Wolf playing with the kids! This was an important detail for me to include lolol tho I nearly left it out bc I was having trouble staging this update. I wanted to build more of a connection between him playing w the kids on the island and him playing with the kids in Ordon, but there’s just not time, and the last update already kind of covered that emotion. Wolf is a really quiet guy, so I’ve been doing my best to build up his character in the bg even if he hasn’t gotten center stage yet. A lot of ppl commented on how this is the happiest we’ve seen him so far, and that was the intention!

Just wanted to call attention to these cute lil faces.

Loft continuing his streak of falling asleep at every party he’s ever been to. alas, no partners to carry him home this time :-(

Lore abt the triforce mark has been inconsistent from game to game. Like usual, I’m sort of cobbling together my own interpretation from ideas I like— so, in this instance, the triforce mark isn’t just from having at one point handled the triforce or possessed a piece of it, and not everyone has it.

I am obsessed w the hero of time statue in wind waker. It is such a striking image, and that section of the game is one of my favorites from any Zelda game. I am also obsessed w how Wind Waker approaches itself as the aftermath of oot. I am really excited to put Wake and Mask in the same room lolol. as a side note, statues really are becoming a motif in this comic huh

That’s abt all I’ve got for now! Thanks for reading!! I really hope the chapter has been enjoyable so far. We’ve got a little while left to go, despite my best efforts to keep this chapter short 😩

[david-talks-sw]

These are the only three flaws I will concede, when it comes to the Jedi during the Prequels.

“They got lax/complacent.”

Yeah*. If you listen to the director’s commentary, George Lucas states the scene in AOTC with Jocasta Nu is there to indicate how unprepared the Jedi were before the Sith’s plan. They thought they were secure and ready but they were not and it turns out humble restaurant owners like Dex know things they don't.

*HOWEVER: Who wouldn’t be complacent, in times of peace?

The Sith were thought to be extinct and Dooku was once a Jedi, a revered one at that. Nobody could have suspected he’d betray the Order that raised him and loved him.

Nobody could've suspected that he'd abuse of their trust and delete a system from the Archives using the credentials of his best friend who he'd had assassinated. That's a verrrry specific scenario, and expecting them to be prepared for that is unreasonable.

"They should've sensed something!" Well, by this point in time, everything surrounding the Jedi was tainted by the Dark Side, which clouded everything. So on the one hand, this situation granted Sidious the gift of foresight and allowed them to always be one step ahead, and on the other, it caused the Jedi to be stuck trekking ahead in a fog, unsure of what the next move would be.

“They were politically-inept.”

Yes**. That’s how the Sith ran circles around the Jedi. They figured “there’s only two of us, if we march into the Temple we’ll get slaughtered, but wait, the Jedi serve the Senate and the Senate is run by politicians… what if we become the politicians? Then we can destroy the Jedi and the principles from the inside!”

**HOWEVER: The Jedi were politically-inept by choice.

After all, their function isn’t setting policy but carrying it out. They’re not politicians, they’re diplomats and as such they're not allowed to get involved in the political process.

But if they were... they still wouldn't. Because power corrupts, and if you let the space monks (who already have magical powers) have political power too, then that will lead to a very dark place.

The Jedi knew that if they tried to play politics, they’ll lose because they have neither the ruthlessness nor the status to do it well, so they make it a point of never going anywhere near it.

Unfortunately, that leaves them open to situations where the Senate or Palpatine corner them into doing something they really don’t wanna do.

It's how they were forced to expel Ahsoka, how they lost the favor of the citizens and it's how Dooku, then the Emperor, framed them as power-hungry sorcerers with his propaganda.

“The war made them hypocrites.”

Sure***. The Jedi were meant to be diplomats, not soldiers. By waging war instead of keeping the peace, they’ve compromised on their values.

***HOWEVER: The Jedi know this and they’re not happy about it at all.

Firstly, because they were forced into this situation by the Senate and Palpatine, who drafted them into service.

Secondly, because they know they’re essentially moving ahead blindly and playing right into the Sith Lord’s hand by fighting this war he orchestrated.

But finally, it’s that they know that not joining would’ve been worse. Sticking by their principles would’ve resulted in the enslavement and genocide of many populations. Sometimes, the spirit of the rules must be prioritized over the letter. Either do nothing and be true to your principles, or go against them but save lives.

It’s a bad choice to make, but not as bad as not making one.

It's a bad choice, but it's motivated by a desire to do some good and it did. They saved countless lives (sometimes at the cost of their own) and inspired countless more to form the Rebellion, later on.

So... three flaws.

But they all come with asterisks. There’s a reasonable (sometimes, even admirable) justification for each of them.

I’m pointing these out because a lot of people seem to conflate “the Jedi were flawed” with “the Jedi were at fault” when talking about their own demise. And the answer to that is:

No.

The Jedi were not at fault. Everybody else was.

The Senate was at fault for growing corrupt and self-serving.

Big Corp for their never ending greed.

The Separatists for being so blind and naive as to think Big Corp would tooootally value their principles and absolutely not commit war crimes every chance they get.

The Sith for being the mass-murdering egotistical assholes who started this whole mess.

And the citizens of the galaxy for not taking up arms in the face of blatant injustice.

Sometimes bad people win.

That doesn't always mean the good guys are at fault. Sometimes, the bad guys are just… better at the game. Mostly because they see it as a game, and the good guys don't.

Luckily, 20 years later, most of the above faults were rectified by the Rebellion, which was led by the best of the Senate, and composed of Separatist remnants and brave citizens of the galaxy.

[lutawolf]

My Stand-In Episode 10 Commentary

I received a special request to do this post, and as promised, here we go. To preserve authenticity, I have observed spoilers on both this site and TikTok; however, I have yet to view the show. Until now, that is.  

Here we go! Let's all take a moment to recognize the talent behind this show besides the actors. The build up to the scene and setting of the tone is gorgeous. We are apprehensive even before we see where the van pulls up to. Then the melody continues to convey depth as we enter into Joe’s old home. 

The artwork in Joe’s home! It gives you an idea of his depth, it really does. Joe is just circling and taking everything in, while Ming is just casually exposing himself. Presently, they are both so vulnerable, but unlike in the past, it's Joe trying to build walls while Ming is now showing patience.

Teary-eyed Joe as he looks out, while Ming cooks. Now they're in complete contrast. One is at peace while the other is in utter turmoil. 

“If you’re going to give me your all. Why not use our couple mugs? Oh, I forgot, a man like you wouldn’t use broken things.” He is trying to remind Ming of their class difference. But unlike before, Joe doesn’t get mad. The tables turned. He extends to Joe what Joe once extended to him, namely tolerance and consideration. He tells him, never mind that, I still have our couple’s pjs. 

“Come here.” It’s a clear command. A command that Joe responds to but half-heartedly. Yet, Ming knows this is not the time and with a sigh restrains himself and instead meets Joe halfway. Look at them communicating. Joe didn't mean to, he's just trying to keep that wall up, but rather than denying any accusations, Ming responds to Joe's distrust with open communication. 

When Ming discusses recognizing Joe within this body, it is evident that Joe reluctantly allowed a portion of his inner wall to fall. Ahhh, I could scream over all the communication but most importantly, Ming’s growth. Before he would have been an ass about Joe avoiding the kiss, but this time he handles it with understanding and resilience. Not resistance but resilience. What’s the difference? He isn’t forcing the issue, but is still capable of a capacity of recovery.

Ming isn’t the only one who has changed. I love Joe’s face as he realizes it is Tong calling. It becomes determined. Then that smile when Joe tells Tong he isn’t his servant! Also… YAY!!! I HATE TONG! Good on you, Joe.

Okay, so after Ming smiles and says, “Joe, I made you pan-fried eggs.” You see a quick smile from Joe. It’s so fast that I had to rewind to verify, but it’s there. This slight smitten smile.   

Ahh, look at all the communication. If it were before, Ming would have told Joe to mind his business, but not now. Now he is sharing it all, which Joe recognizes, you can tell by the forced harshness. He steels himself for Ming getting mad about him hanging up on Tong, but to his surprise, Ming doesn’t. Instead, he makes comments on how Joe has changed, but he says it with admiration. You can see the softening and then the sadness cover Joe’s face. He expresses his emotions to Ming, however, rather than expressing anger, we once again observe Ming's newly acquired skill of composed endurance.

Now, if you watch carefully. Ming hasn’t given up his Dominance, he’s just more selective about where he uses it. Such as the car and drawing the ketchup design. Joe said no, but this is where Ming shows resistance and determination. It’s just we are finally seeing him do it with fucking charm. 

The actor who plays Joe is fucking spectacular. The way you see Joe’s wall of resistance breaking. Just chefs kiss. I need to look up the director and see their other work because this is usually a sign of an outstanding director as well. Those little nuances take teamwork to create. 

The kitchen scene really showcases whose Dominant and whose submissive. I love mom and son’s relationship! Mom was scoping out the guy for him, I love it. How adorable. 

Oh, Ming, that was a smooth lie. Fuck, but I love Ming. I love a villain with a soft spot for their love. Those conniving bastards have a way of wiggling their way into my heart. And the way they're both so vulnerable and communicating. I’m not okay. 

Ahhh, and Ming comes in with the love making. Joe would have pushed him away had he come in strong, but he doesn’t. This is Ming making love to Joe. He weakens Joe until he can just push him down and take control, “You know you can’t stop me.” Notice that Joe doesn’t argue, but Ming needs to do this. It’s cementing some really necessary things. It’s showcasing his feelings for Joe and making a statement. Not only is he making love to him, but he is making love to him face to face. Proving to Joe that he has changed. Yet, notice, who holds the complete control during the entire love making session. Ming.

Joe telling him he’d have to marry him first is my favorite. Ming like, sure, no problem. Time and place? Love it! HAHAHA, I’m dead. First the blanket and then the curtains. Mom’s face is all of us. Like, come on now. The way Joe pulled him back to cover his boxers. OMG, I’ve laughed so hard at this scene. It’s going down as one of my favorites. 

The way that Joe smiles at Ming at the table. So cute! I love how the mom breaks everything open. I also love that Joe protects Ming in his own way. 

You know what I love the most. Ming is not a good person. He has made numerous mistakes with Joe, but unlike other shows, we are actually seeing character development that can give us hope for the future. Ming is giving honesty to Joe, even when he knows it could work against him. He isn’t shying away from the ugliness but using it as a stepping stone for communication. This isn’t who Ming normally is, but he’s becoming a better man for Joe and only Joe. 

Tong really doesn’t realize the thin ice he is skating on, does he. Look at Ming standing up for Joe to Tong. Say it with me peeps. Character development. Ming not Tong. Tong couldn’t even spell character, much less the rest. 

And Joe proves once again that he loves Ming, and so does Ming. “Joe, regardless of what body you are in. You are still Joe.” Now, Joe knows that Ming got into the entertainment industry so that he could get exposure to reach Joe. They are so cute again! Let me enjoy it for this brief moment. Soak it in for the second it’s going to last. 

Proud boyfriend moment. He wants their names on video. Oh! Ming was ready to throw down for his boy! You played with the wrong one, Tong. Tong, you are about to find out that Ming is a villain. You only think you are. It might not happen in this episode, but I promise, you will feel it and when you do, I’m gonna enjoy it. 

The communication!!!

I hate Ming’s family. Despite Ming not wanting to, he did let Joe go. He knows he has to solve this. In the past, he would have manipulated, but he doesn’t here. He is thinking of Joe and not himself. 

Tong who is a douchacanoe whose too stupid to see he has created a disaster for himself. Meanwhile, Ming is such a badass. Yes, he is. Hope in the next episode we see more of the badass Ming. 

[fencecollapsed]

I love musical theater. I may not be a theater kid stereotype, but I always found it as an interesting way to tell a story. But despite the fact I personally don’t think it’s that big of a deal, a lot of my relatives seem to take me as “the musical girl”. My mother made my 17th birthday musical themed. A lot of my Christmas presents were musical related, I’m sure you’d get it. A couple of weeks back though, my cousin in Michigan, who I don’t really know, suddenly sent me a DVD with blue sharpie on it, simply reading “The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals” in all capital letters due to how much of a mouthful that name is, I’m going to refer to it as TGWDLM for the rest of this. The DVD itself was rather normal looking. She didn’t send me the box it came in, which is probably the reason why it was labeled in sharpie, cause without it, god knows what it could be. It could be a musical or a gore video, so thanks to her for that.

As for the contents... Well, it was a Pro-shot of a musical! The story was about a man named Paul, a guy who... didn’t like musicals! The opening song seems to portray this as a huge deal but to be honest, it isn’t. One day, on the opening night of a Mamma Mia! production in the real-life ghost town of Hatchetfield, Michigan (but populated, obivously), a meteor hits, carrying alien spores of a musical hivemind. One interesting fact is that the zombies are the only ones who sing, and dear god, some of their songs are so camp, but I guess that’s the joke. Also, I can definitely see an influence from Invasion of The Body Snatchers, hell, they even reference it. The musical itself had more laughs than scares for me, but the curtain call gave me fucking chills. The unusual parts though, come from not the musical itself, but what comes after it. There’s a behind-the-scenes, with a lot of content. There were audition tapes, director's commentary, easter eggs... I personally found it as fascinating as the musical itself! There was some mentions of a earlier version of the script, with some interesting parts that weren’t in the original, for example; Paul, Ted, Bill, and Charlotte all worked at a review site similar to IGN or Buzzfeed, or that Alice, in a strange trance, spouts out a bible quote. I began to feel like these random people, from an obscure theater company, were people I knew. But as fun as the behind the scenes are, that is not why I’m here. After the behind-the-scenes, there was just... A black screen. For like, 4 or 3 minutes… Then a blue screen with white text, with a font that looks like those fonts in analog horror, with one word. “APOTHEOSIS”.

There’s more after this too. The following is a very different feeling compared to the behind-the-scenes. It appears to be the night the pro-shot was recorded. It shows footage of the curtain call, when Emma was dragged backstage. Then, it cuts to security footage backstage. Immediately Emma’s actress, who I think I’ll just call Lauren, since that’s her real name, goes out of character. The others don’t let go of her, instead ejecting her out of the crowd. She lands on her ass and says “Ow.” in a tone that says “What the fuck dude? Why’d you throw me?”. The others are silent. Lauren gets up and after a moment looking at the others, decides to take off her bandage, revealing a real scar underneath. Lauren seems unsettled by this, but it’s made worse when everyone else approaches her, talking to her as if she IS Emma Perkins, despite her insistence. They then got closer, and closer. Lauren tried to back away, but they got closer. Eventually, Lauren was completely surrounded, and they... I... I can’t say it. I just can’t. All I’ll say is that audience members found the room covered in blood and mysterious blue goo. The blue screen appears again, the text now saying “THEIR RETELLING SUCKED ANYWAYS.”

After whatever the fuck that was, I kinda had to dig deeper? I had this mix of morbid fascination, horror, and an urge to somehow bring all this to light. Well... That and how at first I assumed it was a performance act, only to find out via a google search that it was all real, Lauren Lopez was presumed dead, and the rest of the cast are missing to this day.

So I talked to people who were at the closing night show. When it was recorded. They reported being genuinely convinced in some segments, like when Emma quote unquote “Looked at Ted’s eyes in horror, like she saw nothing there” and praised the “practical effects”. They also said that the few who lingered after the curtain call heard screaming. Those who checked backstage saw... Well, you know.

I didn’t find much about it though. Only this weird cult website when searching for random tag words related to the musical. It was talking about “His singular voice” or whatever and was saying that, like, all voices needed to be eradicated, for His is the only one that should exist, or whatever. Weirdly enough, there was musical theming in there. And... A page about the musical. I can vaguely recall the contents but it’s really hard to. It had a synopsis of the musical kinda biased in the favor of the zombies, with the implications that He caused the musical apocalypse over there. Me and my friends looked at the site once in a discord call and laughed at it. But then I found the actors' faces and how they all were brought to an “apotheosis”. Like... Like in the fucking musical.

It was just a rabbit hole I found myself in at the end of the day though. I easily tucked it into the back of my brain and went on with my life. But then stuff started getting weird. With me, I think. I’ve been more scatterbrained than usual, prone to zoning out for long stretches of time, wandering off conversations to talk about something else entirely, and I’m beginning to hate the sound of other people’s voices and I don’t know why, I was never a social butterfly but I didn’t hate other people talking... Everyday when I brush my teeth I notice my eyes getting... Bluer? I don’t know how, but my eyes have gone to a dark brown, to a light brown, to a hazel, to green, and now it’s getting closer and closer to blue. My friends online have been safe at the time from my sudden hatred of other voices but I can’t really go on voice chats anymore. And my fixation on musicals has only grown as of late. I can’t help but fight the urge to spontaneously sing a show-tune. I hate it.

I’d try to see a psychiatrist or something but I can’t bear to hear another voice, it’s so grating. And I know I should just grin and bear it but the last time I tried that I yelled at them. Not many people like me much anymore. I see why, I must’ve become an asshole to them, but they don’t get it. My eyes have become blue by now, and I think it’s glowing too.

I can’t help but play the songs over and over. I called it camp but I think it’s growing on me. I like Let It Out the most. I relate to Paul a lot right now. And then I noticed a split second shot of... His actor... Being... I can’t say it. I had to vomit. Why wouldn’t I? That was so fucking disgusting. And when I puked, I froze pale at what I just pushed out of my body.

It was blue, viscous sludge. It felt disgusting looking at it, even worse when you hold it. It smelled like ammonia. I ran out of the bathroom. I couldn’t stand to look at it any longer. And that’s when I decided to write this. I’m scared, to be honest, who wouldn’t be? I’ll most likely either be dead and have my corpse puppeteered, or go missing, for another poor soul to inevitably find the DVD and end up like me. I can hear the chimes and hymns of The Singular Voice. I know He wants me to become one with Him. He says it’s inevitable for me. And what choice do I have in the matter anymore?

I’m sorry, I lost.

[girl4music]

Now this is a very interesting piece of commentary from Lucy and Renee. Even though they knew their characters were in love with each other, through the whole show - until these last episodes - they did not ever play their characters as romantically attracted to one another but just always kept it about the unconditional love in their friendship - which I appreciated, of course. But Lucy says here that suddenly their characters in the script are written as explicitly out of the closet. Which they are. But then Renee says that she was still playing her character as straight because she just wanted to focus on the pain Xena was in rather than focus on any jealous feeling she had towards Akemi. So Renee wasn't playing Gabrielle in those moments as if she was jealous because she thought Gabrielle wouldn't put that over her love for Xena. Which we knew she wouldn’t anyway because all that’s happened in the past. There’d be no reason to be jealous now.

But then why the bloody hell was her reaction in 'The Debt'/'Forget Me Not' one so full of pettiness and vinctinctivness? Is she saying that Gabrielle learned from that experience so much that no matter what information was revealed about the past female lovers in Xena's life, she wouldn't make it about jealousy anymore because she knew what it would lead to would be something that she'd never ever want? It's just such an interesting conversation about their characters and the nature of their relationship going on here in regards to who Akemi was to Xena and that Gabrielle never made it about jealousy so Renee never played it as if Gabrielle was jealous but instead sharing Xena's pain at the loss of someone who she finds out was more than just a friend.

It's just so funny to me that as the episodes go on, Lucy and Renee become a little more aware that there's more that's going on there but everybody else - clearly the writers and directors - already play it like that because, yes, Season 6 especially is written as maintext but it's not necessarily portrayed as maintext. Well, now it makes sense why it isn’t. It's because Lucy and Renee chose not to play it like that. They just let their natural chemistry do its thing and translate to the screen as romance instead. I've always personally interpreted that in their portrayal of the characters but I NEVER knew that it was intentional. That's really interesting to me because regardless what you see on the screen here, if you read the script for that specific episode - it’s intentionally written as romantic. It's written as a queer love story.

That's honestly thrown me for a loop that Lucy and Renee did that because I never knew that at all. In all my years of being a fan I never knew that Lucy and Renee intentionally played straight characters even when the script was written as queer or "gay" as Lucy puts it. I knew that they didn't want to make a joke out of the relationship so never went too far with the lesbian subtext. I knew that they refused to water it down as some pandering kind of thing. But I never knew at all that even when they were aware that their characters were queer or "gay" that they played them as straight instead.

I'm not too sure how I feel about learning this new information. 🫤 I mean why would they ever need to play their characters as straight when they’re written as not? Especially in these last two episodes. And under the guise of a water transfer or not - these character kiss romantically. How can that be played as straight? I feel like I’m really misinterpreting this. What they’re saying here. What exactly do they mean?

Weigh in anyone - please. This will drive me insane.

[flameraven]

Very thoughtful commentary about artists, Neil Gaiman in particular, and parasocial relationships more generally. Excerpt:

1. Stop Idolizing Creative People. Creative people are easy to idolize because they create the art you love, and that gives you permission to feel things, and to see yourself and your desires reflected in that art. That is a powerful thing, and from the outside, it can feel like magic, and that the people who do it are tapped into something otherworldly and admirable. Plus, they often get to have cool lives and get to know other cool creative people. They do things that are removed from the day-to-day aspect of a “normal” life, and they’ll even post about them on social media where you can see them. Sometimes, independent of their art directly, they’ll speak about their life, or life in general, and they’ll seem wise and considered and kind. I mean, what’s not to like?

But please consider that this is all an extremely mediated experience of this person. The art is the edited and massaged result of hours and days and weeks and months of work, into which the work of many others is also added. My novels originate from me, but it’s not just me in there, nor is the final form of the novel an accurate statement of who I am as a person, not least of all for the simple reason that I am not trying to tell my story in my novels. I’m creating fictional characters, and the world in which they make sense, for the purpose of the story.

Despite how it might look from the outside, this is not sorcery. It’s years of experience at a craft. It’s not magic, just work. A completed novel (or any other piece of art) won’t tell you much about the specific, day-to-day life and inclinations of the individual who made it, other than a general nod toward their competence, and the competence of their collaborators. Likewise what you see of their lives, even from the illusorily close vantage of social media, is deeply mediated. Lives always look admirable at a distance, when you can only see the lofty peaks and not the rubble at the base — especially when your attention by design is pointed at those lofty peaks. There’s much you don’t see and that you’re not meant to see. The vast majority of what you’re not meant to see isn’t nefarious. It’s just not your business.

Now, before I was a professional creative person, I was an entertainment journalist who spent years interviewing writers, directors, movie stars, musicians, authors and other creative folks. Since I’ve been on the other side of the rope, I’ve likewise met a huge range of creative people from all walks of life. Please believe me when I assure you that creative people are just people. Richer and/or more famous? Sometimes (less often than you might think, though). Prettier and/or more charismatic? Especially if they’re actors or pop stars, often yes! But at the end of the day they are just folks, and they run the whole range of how people are. By and large, the day-to-day experience of getting through their life is the same as yours. Outside of their own specific field of work, they don’t know any more about life, have no more facility for dealing with the world, and have just as few clues about what’s going on in their own head, as anyone else.

They’re just people. Whose work is making the stuff you like! And that’s great, but that’s not a substantive basis for idolizing them. It makes no more sense to idolize them than to idolize a baker who makes cookies you like, or the guy who comes and trims your hedges the way you want them to be trimmed, or the plumber who fixes your clogged drain. You can appreciate what they do, and even admire the skill they have. But holding them up as a life model might be a bit much. Which is the point! If you’re not willing to idolize a plumber, then you shouldn’t idolize a creative person.

(“But a plumber doesn’t make me feel like a creative person does,” you say, to which I say, are you sure about that? Because I will tell you what, when my sump pump stopped working and the plumber got in there, replaced the pump and started draining out my basement which had an inch of standing water in it, that man was the focus of all my emotions and was my goddamned hero that day. My plumber that day did more for me than easily 90% of the great art I’ve ever experienced.)

Enjoy the art creative people do. Enjoy the experience of them in the mediated version of them you get online and elsewhere, if such is your joy. But remember that the art is from the artist, not the artist themselves, and the version of their life you see is usually just the version they choose to show. There is so much you don’t see, and so much you’re not meant to see. At the end of the day, you don’t have all the information about who they are that you would need to make them your idol, or someone you might choose to, in some significant way, pattern some fraction of your life on. And anyway creative people aren’t any better at life than anyone else.

Which brings up the next point:

2. Fuck idols anyway! People are complicated and contradictory and you don’t know everything about them! You don’t know everything even about your parents or siblings or best friends or your partner! People are hypocrites and liars and fail to live up to their own standards for themselves, much less yours! Your version of them in your head will always be different than the version that actually exists in the world! Because you’re not them! Stop pretending people won’t be fuck ups! They will! Always!

This sounds more pessimistic about humans than perhaps it should be. When I say, for example, that people are hypocrites and liars, I don’t mean that people take every single opportunity to be hypocrites and liars. Most people are decent in the moment. But none of us — not one! — has always lived up to our own standard of behavior, and all of us have had the moment where, when confronted with a situation that would become an immense pain in the ass if we stuck to our guns, or demanded the inconvenient truth, decided to just bail instead, because the situation wasn’t worth the drama, or we had somewhere else to be, or whatever. We all choose battles and we all make the call in the moment, and sometimes the call is, fuck this, I’m out.

Every person you’ve ever admired has fucked up, sometimes really badly. Everyone you’ve ever looked up to has secrets, and it’s possible some of those secrets would materially change how you think about them, not always for the better. Everyone you’ve ever known has things about them you don’t know, many of which aren’t even secrets, they’re just things you don’t engage with in your day-to-day experience of them. Nevertheless it’s possible if you were aware of them, it would change how you feel about them, for better or for worse. And now let’s flip that around! You have things about you that even your best friends don’t know, and might be surprised to learn! You have secrets you don’t wish to share with the class! You have fucked up, and lied, and have been a hypocrite too!

You are, in short, a human, as is everyone you know and every one you will know (pets and gregarious wild animals excepted). And all humans are, charitably, a mess. This doesn’t mean there aren’t good people or even exemplary people out there, since there are, along with the ones that are, charitably, a real shit show. What I am saying is that even the good or exemplary people out there are a mess, have been morally compromised at some point in their lives, and have not lived up to their own standards for themselves, independent of anyone else’s standard for them.

[scary-grace]

For the director's cut, 🌟 for kairos and/or the barduil bride shop au (if ya have anything to talk about them)!!

🌟 I feel like I yap about Kairos all the time and yet I somehow never run out of things to yap about. Today I’m thinking mainly about the role of the Arkenstone Ghost-hunting Society in the narrative, so you’re going to hear a little bit about that.

I recently realized that I love setting up contrasts/parallels in my fics, and it’s on display really obviously here with the AGS and the Barduil family unit. Prior to their arrival, Bard and Thranduil are each other’s parenting foils, and Thranduil feels very inadequate compared to Bard. Once AGS arrives, however, they’ve got Dis in the mix, and she’s a much better foil character to both Bard and Thranduil than they are to one another.

The big contrast between Bard and Dis is how they handle the matter of their haunted houses. Dis went for full disclosure with her kids, while Bard went in the opposite direction, and both approaches had consequences. While it doesn’t show much in the narrative, Bard’s guilt for concealing the truth about the house extends past Thranduil and includes his kids. The way she handles the horror makes Bard question how he’s handled it the entire time, and whether things would have been different if he’d believed from the beginning.

For Thranduil and Dis, the contrast is in how they handle their grief over their lost spouses. Neither of them are doing a great job. Dis is much more open about what happened to her husband than Thranduil is about what happened to Riro, but at the same time, her openness also results in displacing her feelings outward. In addition, there’s someone Dis blames for what happened to Edden — someone who, for various reasons, she will not allow herself to be angry with. Fili and Kili observe her grief, but the three of them aren’t able to grieve together, which has had consequences, particularly for Dis’s relationship with Fili.

On the other hand, Thranduil has kept his grief almost entirely to himself. When it shows, it shows in his actions, none more so than his intent to withdraw entirely from life in the move to Eryn Lasgalen. Obviously this wasn’t good for the kids, and neither is never talking to them about their feelings — but even when Thranduil refuses to talk, he leaves Legolas and Tauriel space for their emotions and doesn’t try to force them to feel how he feels. While it’s still self-destructive, Thranduil’s approach to his grief does a lot less damage to his kids.

In canon, Dis is one of those characters who I would have loved just a few more crumbs of information about. The quest for Erebor ends in a massive personal tragedy for her and brings the direct line of Durin completely to an end, unless she chooses to have more children. What was it like for her to learn that she was truly the last of them? How did she move on? Did she ever forgive Thorin for taking her sons along on the quest? What did she do for the rest of her life, after so much of her life living by the dreams of her brother?

That brings me to one final parallel between Dis and Bard: They’ve both lived life in the shadow of an immensely powerful supernatural force. For Bard, it’s the house, and his feelings about it are clear and unambiguous. But although Dis grew up inside a haunted house, the force her life has pivoted around isn’t the house, but Thorin. She’s been Thorin’s protector for as long as she can remember, but his impact on her life is impossible to overstate, and she couldn’t escape it even if she wanted to. Dis’s feelings about the course of her life are complex. It’s easy to know how to feel about something that’s caused you pain. It gets harder when the thing that’s causing you pain is something you love.

thanks for the ask!

send me a 🌟and the title of a fic and I’ll do some director’s commentary.

[positivexcellence]

‘Walker’s Jared Padalecki Shares a Look at What’s to Come in Season 4

Collider: You’re four seasons into this TV series now, which isn’t the 15 seasons that Supernatural was on the air, but it’s a very respectable amount of time.

JARED PADALECKI: Thank you so much. Hopefully, we’ll have 40 more. But Season 4 is certainly bizarre and amazing and incredible, and I’m grateful and flattered and love the journey these characters have gone through.

What are you loving about Season 4 and about the Cordell Walker of Season 4? What are you most enjoying about this point of the journey?

PADALECKI: With Supernatural, we would flip between maybe the big bad guy and then the problems at home or with the brothers. But in the case of Walker, we will go from big bad guy to family stuff to bad guy of the week to family stuff. Just like life is, it gets big sometimes and it gets small sometimes, but there’s always some issue. And so, what I love about Season 4 is having a serial killer out there that is from our past and that haunted us back then and is sure to haunt us again this season, as The Jackal does, and also, there’s so much drama at home. Cordell has a daughter who’s a freshman in college and a son who’s a senior in high school. Mom and dad are trying to figure out what to do. His brother is trying to figure out what to do. It’s just that feeling that we all get, as humans and as adults, where it feels like, “Can’t just one part of my life calm down?” And sure as hell, it never does.

It feels like this show was originally brought back to television because there was a real hole in this type of programming at that time, and I’m glad the series is still on because it still feels like it’s really needed in that space.

PADALECKI: Agreed. What’s funny is that I grew up in Texas. I grew up in San Antonio. I’ve lived in Austin for 15 years. I grew up watching Walker, Texas Ranger with Sir Chuck Norris, himself, so that was a part of my childhood. For those who’ve seen the original and seen ours, this is obviously a very different show. I’m certainly a fan of action movies and action shows and action books and action stories, but I found myself, after 15 years on Supernatural, which was very much based in family as well, wanting something that anybody of any age could watch. I wanted something that wasn’t just about cutting off vampires’ heads, or killing God or the devil and everything in between, but was more like, “How can we make this as realistic as possible to what’s going on right now, and what has gone on in the past, and what is sure to go on in the future?” The commentary is oftentimes about how people have seen the original and love the re-imagining that we Walker put together. But more often than not, I love that I’ve had parents come up to me and talk about how Walker, though the situation is different because he’s a widower, is going through life and trying to figure out his kids while they’re changing, and he has to go to work because he has a job. There’s something universal about that struggle and that experience that seems to have really communicated and landed with people, no matter what their job is and what their family situation is.

Is it challenging to make this series with a shortened episode count, or does it feel like you can really just pack more into every episode?

PADALECKI: I get both. There’s a quote I heard one time about actors and writers and directors and producers and whatnot, and they used it in the form of an actor. They said, “If you give an actor three years to prepare, it’ll take three years. If you give him three months to prepare, it’ll take three months. If you give him three days, it’ll take three days. If you give him three minutes, it’ll take three minutes.” It’s one of those things where life imitates art. We’ve found such wonderful stuff, and kudos to our great writing team for making it possible, but it feels very like life. It feels very much like Cordell’s life would be. You find out sooner than you would’ve hoped, “Hey, this is coming up,” or “You’ve gotta do this or that.” While it’s certainly been different, if you could give me 30 days to do an episode, it’ll have its challenges. If you give me one day to do an episode, it’ll have its challenges. I think that goes from top to bottom, cast and crew alike. We’ve had a great time. Because of cross-boarding some episodes, we might be doing episodes one and two, and even if a character is only in episode two, since we will shoot two together, I still get to catch up with that human being during the filming, which is wonderful.

You’re kicking off this season with a lot of storylines happening for these characters. He’s stepped up his romance, his daughter is not coping well with things, and there’s a serial killer. I love that there’s really this balance where you have the romance and there are some good things on the horizon for the family, but then there’s also the dark and deadly aspect of a serial killer. What sort of balance will we see this season between the light and the dark? Will we get to a point where things get more dark and more intense, as things play out with The Jackal?

PADALECKI: You certainly will. Given what happened with the strikes, over the last 12 months, it didn’t make sense to do a direct pickup after Season 3. So much time has passed between the end of Season 3 and when Season 4 will air that it just didn’t make a lot of sense for our viewers and our lovely and wonderful loyal watchers. Kale [Culley] just turned 18 in May, and he’s almost my size now. If we picked up Season 4, episode one, directly after Season 3, the final episode, it wouldn’t make sense. You’d be like, “Oh, I guess August grew four inches overnight.” Our writers were very aware of that and tried to make every bit of that as real and human as possible. We certainly do see, as characters and as viewers, how this Jackal that haunted Captain James and Ranger Walker back in the day, five years ago, still has a stranglehold on them, and just how deep and dark they go while trying to keep all the other plates spinning in the other aspects of their lives.

It’s certainly never great to keep secrets from people you care about, especially when they’re big secrets. And on a TV series, those secrets are bound to come out, and likely at the worst possible time.

PADALECKI: Yep, that’s what our sadistic writers try to do. Teasing, teasing, teasing. No, they do it in such a wonderful way. Going back to before even the pilot, one of the things that Anna Fricke and I talked about before we’d even staffed the room and cast the characters and hired the crew was that we want this to be as real as possible. Although in a different arena, with Walker being a Texas Ranger and a widow, we want this to have universal problems and issues that every person goes through on different scales as they navigate this life.

Jensen Ackles directed an episode of the series. Do you think he’ll do that again?

PADALECKI: I sure hope so. Now and always, I will work with Jensen, wherever, whenever. He’s obviously a busy man. He’s got a wife and three kids of his own. He’s here, there, and everywhere. He’s been in Toronto, he’s been in Vancouver, and he’s been in New Mexico. He’s a very busy guy. He and I see each other a lot, obviously, with Supernatural conventions, and we text often. He certainly is up for it. It’s just like life and like Cordell Walker, trying to figure out when things will work out.

Do you see yourself directing an episode?

PADALECKI: Not to speak for Jensen, but to try to speak for Jensen, directing is something that he was always really passionate about, and producing is something that I was always really passionate about. I have a deep respect for directors, and the door is not closed. If the opportunity arises and I think, “Man, I really wanna direct,” then I will. But over 24 years in the industry, I’ve worked with so many talented directors who deserve the episode more than I do. Obviously, as the executive producer and the guy in the poster, I could probably make a phone call and say, “Hey, I want an episode,” and they might say, “Okay, you get one.” That’s not what Jensen did.

From day one, he was like, “Hey, I wanna direct some day.” That’s not where I was. And so, I don’t wanna take an episode away from a really deserving, talented director. I really love my job as an actor and as a storyteller, and as an executive producer, I help guide the storyline and help in the casting and help with the editing. So, I’m a pretty happy cat right now, where I stand. I love that puzzle. The director puts the puzzle pieces together. I like getting the puzzle pieces and figuring out how they can work even better. I think a lot of artists go, “Hey, I wanna guide this.” For me, I love the puzzle of acting and scene breakdown and story breakdown, and just trying to figure out how to make what’s already great on the page and great on the set, even better if I can.

You and Jensen Ackles have both talked about having interest in a possible revival of Supernatural. Is that something you’ve seriously considered doing? Have you had any real conversations about that, or are you just having conversations about having conversations?

PADALECKI: It’s not that I have seriously considered doing it, my single answer is yes. It’s timing. It’s availability. Jensen and I feel so strongly about our show that we had for 15 years together that we don’t wanna just do it just to do it. We don’t wanna go, “Hey, I have two weeks off in June. Let’s go ahead and shoot 10 pages a day, just so we can have some more content.” If and when Supernatural comes back, it’s going to be a labor of love, and we’re gonna put every hour in to make sure that it’s as true to the cannon and to the fandom and to the story and to the characters as possible. So, my short answer is it’s not a consideration, the answer is yes. I just don’t know when I’m available. I don’t know when he’s available. But again, my answer is yes.

Have you thought about all the different possibilities of what it could be, as far as whether you’d do a shortened season, whether you’d want to do a movie, or if none of it works, whether you’d do an animated series?

PADALECKI: Yeah. Honest to God, I don’t think about the medium in which it would air. I think about the story that I care about. If Jensen and I talk about where we would like to see Sam and Dean appear on screens again, and we think, “Cool, we like this, and we like this arc, and we like this conclusion,” then let’s do it. If they make it into a movie, great. If they make it into a limited series, great. If they make it into a flip book that’s available on Amazon, great. But at this point in time, I feel so protective of Supernatural that if the story’s fine, then I don’t care how it gets into the world.

Eric Kripke has also always made it known that he’d love to have you on The Boys anytime you were available. Would you like to make an appearance over there? Have you actually spoken to him about that? Would you even want to be in that world?

PADALECKI: Yeah, he has reached out to me and my response to him 90% of the time is, “Dude, I’m 41 now with three kids. I’m not 25 and working out three hours a day. I know you’re going to fucking make me get naked, so give me a heads up. I’m in, but let me get a nutritionist and a trainer and get in the hyperbaric chamber for eight months before you make me show up.” But yeah, it would obviously be a lot of fun to see Kripke again and to work on that show, which is a great show that I’m a fan of.

It certainly seems like a little wild break of fun.

PADALECKI: A little wild? Have you seen the show?!

Yes, and I love it very much. But I also have a sick sense of humor.

PADALECKI: I do, too. I love watching it, but imagine putting yourself in it. I’ve got kids. My mom and dad are still alive. I’ve got grandparents that are alive. I don’t know how to just unplug their electricity when the show airs.

collider

[wanderingblindly]

⭐️For nouveau hot cause I shamelessly enjoyed needy lando(bro nearly moaned by a simple touch in garage ?!talk about desperation )also the way oscar was so in control just…it did things to me!!

oooooooh you know, I'm not positive that I've ever done a director's commentary on Nouveau Hot! So thank you for asking love <333

I had to go deep into my brain to remember things to say about this ((including going and rereading the original texts where I was randomly assaulted with this idea while trying to work from home at 9am)). So here's some Content that I hope is even moderately Interesting!

Deciding on the Dynamic

So from what I recall, this was heavily inspired by two events: Oscar's A R M S in that clip of him putting on his balaclava at a karting track and Lando being a skank on Twitch (which, side note, we moved on from really fast. what the fuck was that).

Because Oscar is so Offline, I loved the idea that he'd somehow like,,, hid how hard he'd been training from Lando. Like, all their sappy gross couples facetime videos were at night, so Oscar was bundled up in a hoodie or tucked in bed, or he only ever sent Lando photos when he was in loose shirts etc etc.

I wanted Lando to be as jumpscared (pos) as the rest of us, and I didn't think he'd handle that well at all.

I always recall thinking that Lando would be so quick to beg because like... he'd been having fun on Twitch, too. There was something in it for him, moaning on camera and playing things up for Oscar -- so he wanted his """"punishment""""" for it, and he wanted it fast.

Deleted Scene (re: lando nearly moaning in the garage)

SO YOU SEE I did originally attempt to write a longer introduction to this fic. A big part of the initial concept was that Oscar was going to intentionally get under Lando's skin for hours during testing; it was meant to be payback for Lando being a little skank on twitch over winter break.

I only wrote this much before I realized I didn't like the direction and felt myself losing steam. I needed to delete it and get the plot MOVING before I got scared and gave up:

He isn’t distracted. Lando is staring very decidedly at the engineers as they speak to him, because he isn’t distracted. He’d even go so far as to say focused, paying attention. He’s at work after all, he’s a professional.  Moreover, he isn’t paying intense attention to the way Oscar’s leaning against the wall beside him, hands on his confusingly captivating waist, delts distractingly – er, very visible, jaw clenched in focus.  “Osc, can you come look at this?” Someone calls from Lando’s other side, waving Oscar over with some urgency. 

It's... not much. But I think you can sort of see the vision.

Other Random Fun Facts

“Seemed like you could do it yourself, y��know, on Twitch.” << this was one of the first lines that I thought of before I started writing

"He can feel it building in his stomach, in the base of his spine, some all encompassing tension that threatens to snap him but he just can’t —" << this was the second line! I basically wrote it in discord while brain dumping on lima trying to find the vibe. I think this line is actually still like... .representative of my style while writing now, so I'm quite pleased with it! Rare to find your preferred tone on the first try, you know?

"The butterflies in his stomach almost hurt as Oscar leans down a fraction of a centimeter, something mischievous in his eyes before he jolts – crouching down low, shoulder hitting Lando on the hips, hauling him up and over his shoulder." << I spent WAY too long trying to figure out how the fuck you would lift someone up in this position lmaooooooo

[brian-in-finance]

Orlando Bloom /The Cut

Orlando Bloom And Sean Ellis Talk About Star’s Transformation Into Past-His-Prime Boxer In ‘The Cut’: “He Was Willing To Have His Nose Broken” – Toronto Film Festival

Sean Ellis’s sixth feature, following the deliriously atmospheric 19th-century vampire movie Eight for Silver (2021), is yet another curveball from the criminally underrated British director. Titled The Cut, it is the story of a past-his-prime boxer who goes behind his wife Caitlin’s back to accept a lucrative comeback fight in Las Vegas. But this is not yet another Rocky-style underdog story, the kind that culminates in the ring. Instead, it is a sometimes-shocking psychological thriller, a sort of boxing procedural that details the extreme lengths that cornered fighters will go to. On paper, it sounds like Southpaw, but in reality, it has a little more in common with this year’s Cannes hit The Substance, a visceral body-horror movie about a fading starlet (Demi Moore) and her desperate drive to maintain her fame.

Sean Ellis / Getty Images

In The Cut it is actor Orlando Bloom’s turn to defy expectations. As the boxer, the former Pirates of the Caribbean and Lord of the Rings star is a revelation. He’s not entirely unrecognizable as the matinee idol of the 2000s, but, thanks to the magic of prosthetics, he certainly looks like he’s been through the wringer, and his return to professional boxing is not a sure thing. In fact, the most suspense in the film is generated by the initial weigh-in, which will determine whether he even gets to fight in his own title category at all. Caitlin (Caitríona Balfe), his wife and his trainer, can only get him so far, and when the team gets to Vegas, the boxer meets the charismatic Boz (John Turturro). Boz hooks into the boxer’s insecurities, drawing him into an increasingly dangerous training and weight-loss routine.

With the film about to make its world premiere at the Toronto Film Festival, Deadline sat down with Ellis and Bloom to discuss the film and its themes.

DEADLINE: Where did the project start? Who was attached first?

ORLANDO BLOOM: I’d worked with our producer, Mark Lane, some years ago on a movie for Tea Shop Productions. We did a movie together in London called Retaliation, but it was released as The Romans. It was another small, British independent movie production. It was brutal, and I loved the brutality of it. One day Mark said, “I’ve got another one for you,” and he pitched me The Cut. We talked about it, and I loved it immediately. I loved the idea — the premise of a boxing movie without the boxing, where the focus of the fight wasn’t the boxing match itself but rather the fight within the character, who just happened to be a boxer. I thought that was really fascinating, an interesting commentary on the way masculinity operates within that space.

We worked on the script for about a year or two with [screenwriter] Justin Bull, who was fantastic. And then we were just over the moon when Sean read it and responded to it exactly as you’d hope a director with his kind of vision would. He said, “Yeah, I see this.” [To Sean.] Right, Sean? That’s the long and short of it, isn’t it?

SEAN ELLIS: Yeah, that was pretty much it. The first time I read it, actually, was over the Christmas period [in 2022]. Mark had sent it to me, and I was interested because I’d been looking to do a boxing movie. But how do you do a boxing movie? I mean, it’s become almost a genre in itself. They’ve become so clichéd. Like submarine movies: You’ve got to have a scene with one person trapping themself in the air lock and drowning, as they tap away at the little porthole.

With boxing, you’ve got to have an impossible match that they’re not going to win, and then they either do or they don’t. And I thought The Cut was just a really interesting take on that. It was the about the preparation that an athlete goes through, and the drama of that. I thought that was so much more interesting than anything we’ve already seen in a boxing movie. I called Mark back, and I said, “It’s great.” I mean, it grabs you and it doesn’t let go. And it really delivers. It doesn’t let you down, and it really takes you right through to the end. And as OB was saying, it’s pretty brutal.

BLOOM: It’s an assault on the senses — which was kind of what it was like for me, physically.

ELLIS: Yeah. But I love cinema like that. I love it when it grabs you and shakes you. I think that’s what cinema should do.

DEADLINE: Orlando, how much did you weigh when you started the process?

BLOOM: I was about 185 pounds. [Laughs.] Sorry to use pounds and not stone!

DEADLINE: Same as the character?

BLOOM: Give or take.

DEADLINE: How did you lose the weight?

BLOOM: We worked with a great nutritionist called Philip Goglia. He started me on a program about three months prior to filming, and I tiered down from there. I was eating more food than I’d expected, in order to maintain the muscle but drop the weight. There was a sort of science to how much and how often I was eating, like having a spoonful of honey at night, things like that, to hold the muscle but lose the fat. This was three months prior to filming, so when I landed in London to start — which was about three and a half weeks before filming started — I would say I weighed about 170 pounds. I’d dropped quite a lot of weight before I came to the UK, and then in that three-week period I was basically eating five tiny meals a day. A lot of it was tuna and cucumber, and nothing else. I dropped to 152 pounds for the weigh-in scene. We shot that at the beginning of the movie, and then we shot the whole movie backwards.

DEADLINE: Why was that?

BLOOM: Philip, the nutritionist was like, “He’s not going to have any brain function or energy to make the movie.” [Laughs.] He said, “You’ve got to start with the weight loss and then feed him through the movie.” So, we shot the movie in reverse. I remember, I had this massive drop [in weight], because I was sitting at about 163 pounds for what felt like forever. And the training regime was a lot. It was two hours of cardio every day, an hour in the morning and again at night, and then boxing, and then weights, and a very limited amount of food.

I’d already started training — I’d been doing boxing training in America before I came over — and then I dropped 10 pounds of water weight in one night, which was crazy. Philip had told me about this routine that boxers do — they have a hot Epsom-salt bath. I don’t know whether it’s down to osmosis or just some weird body science, but it worked. I had a photo of myself, and I sent it to my partner and my mates, who were tracking me through this wild experience. I sent it to Sean. And then I sat in this space of that weight for about two and a half weeks before we started filming. [Pause] Is that right, Sean? I have to say, my brain is very scrambled…

ELLIS: Yeah, he came to us at his lightest weight because you can’t lose weight and work. It’s almost impossible — you can’t remember your lines or anything else. So, Phil said, “He has to come to you at his lightest, and then you need to allow him to start eating again. But that means you have to shoot the movie in reverse chronological order.” Now, chronological order is a nightmare at the best of times. But reverse chronological order is a total Rubik’s cube. We only had 25 shooting days, and, obviously, Orlando was putting weight on as we were reaching the end of the shoot, which was actually the beginning of the film. But when you edit it in reverse, he starts off heavy and then goes to his lightest point. It was a big jigsaw puzzle, but we got there.

DEADLINE: How did you feel about him losing all that weight? Did you ever feel guilty?

ELLIS: Mark Lane said, “Look, he’s really committed to this. Have a call with him and see if you guys jell,” and I did, instantly. But more than that, what I saw in OB was a huge commitment to make this right. And he was willing to do anything. I think at one point we even spoke about him going to the dentist and having his teeth filed and recapped. There was also the idea that he was willing to have his nose broken. [Laughs.] I was like, “I’m not sure we have to go that far.” But Orlando’s a good-looking bloke, and we were thinking, “How do we convince the world that he’s a professional boxer and make him look like a professional boxer?”

[British makeup artist] Mark Coulier came in and did a lot of work on his face. Mark got an Oscar nomination for Elvis. I’ve worked with him on a couple of movies and he’s just amazing. He took a head-sculpt of Orlando and then showed us what he would be able to do with him. A broken nose; fake ears that were more like cauliflower ears from the fighting; a change of the jawline — there were these “plumpers” that went into his mouth — and the teeth. The eyes as well: Mark gave him a droopy boxer’s eyelid.

I remember when I saw him sitting in the makeup chair. He had the haircut and everything, and I thought, “I buy this guy as a professional fighter.” At that point, he didn’t actually look like Orlando, strangely enough. In fact, I remember when we were shooting, there were two girls in the hotel we were using — just were members of the public — and they were waiting for the elevator to go down. Orlando was down the other end of the corridor, in his pants, and one of them nudged the other one. She whispered, “That’s Orlando Bloom.” The other one looked up and said, “Nah,” and then they got in the lift. I was laughing, because they didn’t recognize him.

DEADLINE: Were you surprised by his dedication?

ELLIS: Even from that first call with him, it was obvious that he was just so committed to this film and was willing to immerse himself. We were referencing [Irish featherweight and lightweight champion] Conor McGregor for a while, to the point where we started talking about the character being Irish, and we loved that idea. Then we cast Caitríona [Balfe], who’s Irish as well, and it made even more sense. It felt like the journey from Ireland to Vegas was bigger, because in the original script he was American, I think. Those changes came about from just me and Orlando talking about the character. I love his accent in it. Honestly, he’s not giving us an Orlando that we’ve seen before, and I love that. I love the change.

DEADLINE: Why did you want Caitríona?

ELLIS: I’d seen her in a couple of movies, Belfast and Ford v Ferrari, and her TV show Outlander. And at the point when we were having these discussions about Orlando playing Irish, I was like, “Well, let’s find an Irish actress.” So, I spoke to Jamie Dornan about Caitríona, because he’d worked with her on Belfast, and I said, “What’s she like? Is she nice? I love her movies. Is she good to work with?” And he was like, “Oh, she’s the best.” So, I got that endorsement, we offered it to her, and, luckily, she said yes. [To Bloom] It was just the three of us a lot of the time, wasn’t it?

DEADLINE: How did her casting affect the script?

ELLIS: A lot of her character was really born out of a lot of the discussions that the three of us had about the relationship that the two characters had. How their past dictated their relationship, and how it was going to dictate their future. So, it was really lovely just to work with both Orlando and Caitríona on finding those characters and really giving them life without really having to spell it out. Boz has more of a visual background, because you see him in flashbacks, but what I love about Caitríona’s character is that there’s a lot of subtext in her performance. It’s not overwritten, but you still get a sense of her life and what’s happened to her in the past.

BLOOM: I remember a conversation I had with her when we first spoke. I called her up. In the early drafts, the script was really centered on this transformation that the boxer goes through, the inner torment and the fight. And I said to Caitríona, “Look at the script as a blueprint, because there’s so much more between the lines than there is in the lines.” I really wanted the authenticity of this relationship to play. Because I think he can’t live without her. He can’t function, he can’t operate without her.

DEADLINE: In the middle of these two you have John Turturro as his trainer, Boz. It’s a very interesting part, almost like a kind of sadistic Jiminy Cricket…

ELLIS: We had many conversations about the script before John actually came on board, but I think John wanted to reassure himself that he was right about how he was going to do it. Because when John turned up — am I right, OB? — he’d fully formed that character. You said, “Action,” and John just did it. There was no, “What do you think?” He’d decided how Boz was going to be.

BLOOM: Can I jump in, Sean? What was on the page for that character was completely different to what John brought to the film. I remember sitting next to him in the makeup chair, and I was in and out of consciousness, in terms of how I felt emotionally. I was paranoid as hell. It was a really weird time, because of my mental state: I wasn’t having any food. Or sleep. I wasn’t sleeping because you don’t sleep when you’re not eating — you keep waking up.

And then he said to me, “It’s love.” And I was like, “What?” He said, “It’s a love story.” And my mind exploded. Sean was like, “Yeah, of course it’s a love story.” But his part wasn’t really written like that. He was written as a pretty straightforward character, like a drill sergeant, very aggressive. And then when he told me that, it became this love triangle in my mind. Boz was seducing me, in a way, into his web. Like, “You’re my guy now.”

Obviously, I’ve been huge fan of the man and the actor for years, and everything he’s ever done. That part could have been so generic in the hands of anyone else, but he just knew what to do. He was sprinkling magic dust all around us. I think we had that conversation on the second day of filming because we were all a bit thrown to begin with. Do you remember that, Sean? I was, certainly. I was like, “Wait, what’s going on?”

ELLIS: I remember Mark coming up to me and saying, “So, is that how we want Boz to be?” Because Boz was very much on the page as a character like the drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket. I remember saying to him, “That’s John Turturro, and he’s giving you Boz. It might not be the Boz you saw on the page, but it is a Boz, and he’s absolutely made it his own.” As OB said, he’s sinister, he’s conniving, and he’s also kind of a groomer, because he understands his victim and he knows how to take control. So, he really pulled himself into this in a very insidious way, which I find very creepy and just brilliantly executed.

BLOOM: Yeah, he totally transformed what the movie could have been.

DEADLINE: You’ve got the Toronto premiere coming up. What kind of reactions are you hoping for?

ELLIS: Well, I hope they don’t throw eggs at the screen. [Laughs.] Listen, I’m incredibly proud of the film and I’m incredibly proud of the performances that the actors have given. It was just such a privilege to record them, and be present, and see them craft those characters. That’s the thing I’m most proud of when I look at it. I think it’s very strong, and it’s a drama with very strong characters.

DEADLINE: Orlando?

BLOOM: Yeah, it’s funny, when I was at drama school, I remember working on The Seagull, the Chekhov play, and there’s a moment at the end where the audience goes silent, because it’s just so uncomfortable. And I think this movie has a similar impact. It’s such an assault on the senses. And, to his credit, Sean never takes his foot off the gas. You can’t hide at any point in this movie. It’s like we strap you into a rocket, and you’re off. And there’s a lot of commentary on the way athletes — male athletes in particular — operate. Obviously we haven’t taken this from a true story, it’s fictitious. But I think it deals with very real ideas about self-worth. It’s about what people will do to fill the void that’s in their stomach, or in their soul. It’s about the lengths they will go to.

Deadline

Remember… (about Caitlin, Caitríona’s character) I really wanted the authenticity of this relationship to play. Because I think he can’t live without her. He can’t function, he can’t operate without her. — Sean Ellis

[wutheringmights]

Thank your for the chapter. This is me submitting my request for director's commentary.

Sorry this is very late.

But, you know.

*gestures wildly at the state of the world*

This is the first chapter in a long time where I was actively having fun writing more than 30% of it. Writing doesn’t always have to be “fun” for me to write it, but spending most of this year stuck on two chapters I absolutely hated did a number on me. 

I still didn’t get to everything I wanted in this chapter; I have been trying to get to the fallout for the Knights of Hyrule encounter for most of this year now (jfc!), but I’ve had to expand the plot points leading up to it. This entire Castle Town arc was planned to be one chapter. Past Frankie was insane for thinking that was possible. 

Pacing-wise, this chapter really did need to be on its own. The important plot points needed their own space to breathe; trying to shove all of this and the contents of the next chapter into one would have led to a lot of things being overshadowed. So even though everything is still moving along relatively slowly, the pacing is somewhat on purpose this time. 

As previously stated on this blog, I sorely neglected updating AO3 with the new chapter total. There is 6 chapters left (5 plot chapters, then an epilogue). Rest easy. This story will take me a while longer yet to complete. 

That being said, don’t be too surprised if I keep budgeting in more chapters. But if this story needs more than 40 chapters, I will abscond from society and become a sheep herder in, like, Iceland.  

(Sorry to front-load the housekeeping information; I usually keep this stuff for the end,  all of this provides context for my first bit about the actual chapter.) 

I am so happy that pre-heart connection stuff with Proxi got its own chapter, as opposed to being included with the post-connection drama of how Link starts clawing his way out of his depression. 

I mentioned last chapter that everything with the first Proxi meeting was an utter failure to me. While this chapter doesn’t erase the problems of the former, it nonetheless is an improvement and more in-line with how I wanted this Proxi storyline to go. 

Link’s depression baths is 100% me projecting-- I had a season of my life where everything in my life kinda fell apart and I became extremely depressed and anxious. One of my coping mechanisms was to constantly take showers. Like Link, I got up to around four showers a day before I was told to knock it off for the sake of the water bill. 

Depression causing a lack of hygiene and self-care is fairly well-represented in media at this point. I relate way more to depression causing a spurt of “good” habits (that are just maladaptive coping mechanisms in their own right) more, and I want to include more of them into my writing. Link seems like the kind of guy who would overcompensate like that too. 

The events of the chapter were condensed from my original vision. The party and the fireworks were going to be two separate incidents, but I wanted to cut down on the bulk of writing each chapter requires of me (more on this later). Luckily, the original idea for the fireworks also included celebrating a holiday (New Years), so the change was easy to pull off. 

I did lose an aspect of that scene I really liked though: Link knowing he was experiencing a trigger deciding to hide in his cellar, all the while congratulating himself for reacting normally while Proxi is like hiding in a cellar isn’t coping, Link!!!!

Fireworks being a trigger is a bit of a cliche, and a part of me really wishes I found something more unique to trigger Link with. But fireworks is a really effective shorthand, partly because it’s so prevalent in real life, and partly because contrasting a celebratory activity with war trauma is so evocative. 

It’s also very silly how significant events in Link’s life keep coinciding with holidays and birthdays. I want to acknowledge both for the sake of world building, but going through the effort of developing them is only worth it if there’s a plot point attached.

But who hasn’t had moments of great revelations while at the family Thanksgiving party?

I like the idea of various holidays/feasts in Hyrule having different levels of importance depending on your tribe or what region you live in, as well as them being celebrated differently depending on your culture. 

Both the Sheikah and the Hylians would place heavy significance on the feast since Hylia is one of their main goddesses, but they would be celebrated differently. I brushed a bit on the idea of the religious ceremonies being different, but I cut back on sharing more of my ideas for the specific celebrations. 

Very specifically, I wanted the Sheikah to have a tradition of performing theatrical plays of significant cultural moments (basically a kabuki-theater version of a nativity play) (can you tell I was raised catholic?). 

I have plans to do something involving a kabuki play next chapter, so I won’t elaborate more on what the play was supposed to be. However, the play did get cut because I planted Link in the banquet hall with no care to move him from that spot. 

I like the idea of moms who are flawed moms in really normal ways. The way Ayane’s mother is very sweet to Link while having these rigid standards for Ayane is very real to life, in part because it’s based on how a lot of mothers I know act to their child’s friends versus their actual child. 

In a similar vein, I’m also fascinated by mothers who fail their children in such specific ways that it would only be a failure to their child-- like a mother giving too much independence to a child who needs more help, etc. That’s my design for these slow (and hopefully subtle) reveals of how Link struggles with his mother’s memory. On one hand, it’s obvious that he was made to feel like a failure of a child, and he probably knows that was wrong of her. On the other, she was a good parent overall and she’s dead. If you have never experienced that particular cocktail of guilt, let me just say that it messes you up. 

The kids who were doing the snowball fight are Ayane’s friends, which is why one of them remarked that Link was going to yell at them again (see: when Link yelled at Ayane the first time he picked her up from school). Katsuki is the only friend of Ayane’s I’ve consistently named-dropped, so I hope that cued you in to who these kids were.

Speaking of which: I stole that name from Bakugo from My Hero Academia. I was watching the show at the time, and I like the character. Ergo, I stole his name.

Link being very aware that he had been triggered during the fireworks show-- I have a very specific gripe about the way people write PTSD that bleeds through this sequence that I cannot explain in a sentence or two. But what’s important is that I have experienced that moment when your body is triggered but your brain isn’t-- so you can start to feel yourself freaking out while in your mind you know there is no threat, yet the body’s reaction starts to cloud your mind, causing a spiral of anxiety and panic. 

Proxi visiting the fairy fountain in Kakariko is one of my favorite scenes. I just like how simple it is, and how it gives a glimpse into what Proxi’s life is like outside of Link.

I did momentarily freak out after posting because I was worried I didn’t make it clear before this chapter that while there is magic lingering at the fountain it can’t heal. But no one has mentioned it yet, so I think I’m safe to wait until a future chapter to clarify that.

Fairies being too small to have more than one emotion is of course taken from Peter Pan. As a long-time lover of fairies (my childhood hyperfixation), it’s a whimsical idea that I just adore. I originally wanted to use that idea as justification for Proxi mirroring Link’s emotions without Link mirroring hers. 

There would be scenes where he is utterly calm while she’s freaking out or crying because he’s good at covering his feelings, but she can’t. I thought this would rid her of too much agency, so I changed it to a mutual sharing of emotions so that Proxi has more space to her own person while still being his “translator.”

I also like the idea of Link being able to gather the ability to talk, but only in relation to comforting Proxi. That’s development, baby. 

I do wish I rewrote that last scene where he feels Proxi’s joy for the first time, as I really like the idea that he would feel a sense of helplessness and horror to be controlled by another person like that. What’s there now is fine, but it could be better.

Now, onto the present-day section: 

It is very, very obvious that I meant to end the last chapter with that conversation between Warriors and Lincoln. Like I said, the original version really sucked (or at least, my original prose describing what the Chain’s arrival at the castle was like). It makes more sense for Lincoln to drop the information about Lionel in the same chapter Lionel is name-dropped.

Lionel was originally going to be Lincoln’s name, but I picked Lincoln since it has the more obvious tie to the Link-Linkle naming pattern. 

Also, this chapter includes a much needed discussion about the ethics of blaming all of the nation’s problems on a single ethnic group. On one hand, it is stupidly effective to utilize bigotry to gather power, and it’s a rhetorical technique even a more morally-upstanding Warriors would use. On the other hand, that’s an objectively terrible thing to do oh my god. 

So I kinda had to go in and cover my bases of having the characters talk and acknowledge what the implications of Warriors’s plan is. The big glaring issue of this conversation is that it also implicates Lincoln and rids him of his moral superiority. 

Personally, I kinda struggle to think of a real-world equivalent to the dynamic I established in the story, where the institution of the Sheikah does a lot of harm while the people within the institution are experiencing the social-consequences of being associated with it. The best I can come up with is Mormoms. 

Either way, I live in fear someone is going to tell me that this is actually about an underprivileged group I am not aware of currently, and I am contributing to their oppression by not critically analyzing Link and Lincoln’s plans correctly. Which would be a valid criticism to make, but one I could avoid if I had just worked out in advance what the hell is this is an accidental allegory for, educated myself, and then fixed the issue. 

If you guys can think of something, let me know so that I can get started on educating myself and such.

The Castle Town arc’s recurring theme is just bureaucracy, which does not make for exciting storytelling. But I do think it’s fitting for Warriors, who used to benefit from the system, to realize all the ways it’s not made to actually help people. I also think he’s the kind of person to realize he doesn’t have the time or ability to rehaul it entirely and has to settle on trying to work within it.

I can finally reveal my “Midna is a fantastic public servant” agenda. My girl was explicitly stated to be a good and dedicated ruler in Twilight Princess, and I will not let anyone else forget it. 

I really wish that this was more of an ensemble story so that I can write about Hyrule and Sky’s adventures in the Castle Town nightlife

If there is one thing I don’t really like about this chapter, it’s the sequence from Warriors talking to Lana about Cia to the end of Icarius’s capture. Reading it back, it really comes off as very corny and very carelessly written.

I initially planned for Icarius to be captured during the bell ringing in the lead up to Warriors trying to draw the Master Sword

I was imagining a scene where they are watching the news about the invasion be announced and, as Warriors is cursing the bad luck of it all, Spirit would just scrunch his brow and say, “Captain.” And Warriors, who is unfortunately drift compatible with him, would be like “go ahead.” And then Spirit would motion for Linkle to follow, and the two of them would reappear after the Master Sword rejected Warriors with Icarius already tied up.

The problem was that would block Spirit off from understanding the whole Master Sword rejection thing, and I really needed him to carve up Warriors’s hand. 

So I punted this whole ordeal with Icarius off to another chapter, and I have been scrambling trying to find another spot for him.

Ultimately, I do think this worked out because I have no idea what the hell the would have done with Icarius during the networking scenes.

After being disappointed with how this version of the capture scene turned out, I was very tempted to cut it and just have Spirit and Linkle haul Icarius into Warriors’s office, but I didn’t want to cut out a scene of Linkle being a bit of a badass. 

And let’s talk about Icarius, because it’s been a while since we’ve thought about him.

First off, you can tell that I was having a lot of fun this chapter trying to find ways to let them have a conversation with Icarius when he can’t speak verbally and they don’t know his sign. The dictionary combined with the gesturing seemed like a fun but logical solution.

Though, in the back of my brain, I kept remembering how stupid I thought that bit in Iron Flame about the translation was. So when I wrote about Warriors translating Faovarian with just a dictionary, I was sitting there feeling like the biggest idiot in the world. 

This scene also reminded me how tragic it is that Icarius can’t speak, because I know how hilarious this man would have been with sassing his captors. 

I also got a chance to put forth the core tenant of Icarius’s feelings for Warriors: mainly, that he thinks Warriors is both insanely handsome but ultimately stupid as all fuck. 

When I first made it clear that the House of Nephus was a reflection of Warriors, Time, and Spirit, I totally thought someone would put together that Icarius, as the Spirit-equivalent, was trying to save Philo. No one ever remarked on it, so maybe it was too obvious to mention. 

(If I were to ever do another one-shot side story in the style of Smoke the Pipe, I would probably do one about Icarius’s life before the events of the plot, if only because I have a lot of ideas of how Faovaria works and how Icarius and Nephus got to where they are now; though I doubt anyone would be as interested in my silly OC’s as I am). 

I also thought someone would figure out Philo was related to the whole Fused Shadow plotline when, in his introductory scene, he used Midna’s powers. I thought it was obvious. 

I also like the idea of the Dark Interlopers having different legacies outside of Hyrule; generally, I’ve just had a lot of fun taking different bits of canon Hyrule lore and figuring out how they could fit into a greater world. My favorite (not in this chapter) example is when Nephus referred the the Three Goddess as oracles mistaken for goddesses. We know Din and Nayru appeared as oracles outside of Hyrule, and Nephus’s line implies that they are still important folk figures in Faovaria, just not goddesses. 

Spirit’s snarky good luck being the nice version of his thoughts is exactly the kind of bullshit I would pull as a socially-inept kid; he realized what he originally wanted to say was too mean so he wanted to convey some kind of recognition that he understood Icarius’s thought process but still wanted to warn him how hard it was going to be. He really, genuinely thought good luck would be the nicest way of conveying that. He’s so bad with people. I love him. 

And, god. Time. Poor guy has walked around his entire life feeling like there has only ever been one person who ever cared for him, only for that one person to turn around and be like yeah I regret helping you. 

Then there’s Warriors who is starting to learn to not let himself get tangled up in fights against Spirit, who is so wrapped up in trying to stop this war that he doesn’t even have the energy to entertain Spirit’s bullshit right now.

Which leaves Spirit alone, with only Warriors to cling on to. 

His conversation with Warriors in the hallway is another favorite of mine, if only because it sounds really natural. I think my dialogue is too on the nose sometimes, so I’ve been trying to let the characters talk around themselves way more. 

Hot tip: if you are writing about men, make sure you mention their facial hair and shaving habits. As a long-time lover of facial hair, I love hearing about characters growing stubble or having to remember to shave in the morning. It’s a little detail that gets overlooked in fiction a lot, and I’m so bitter about it. 

Oh, the newspaper article. Let’s chat about that now. 

Public opinion plays a big role in political intrigue, which I never see enough stories taking advantage of. I knew from the beginning that I wanted Warriors to get exposed in the newspaper after he was well into cleaning up his act, but I wasn’t sure how to go about it. 

As many of you know, one of my most infamous cuts from the story is an original character who was a journalist during the war producing propaganda about Warriors. In the present day, this journalist would have felt so guilty for the role they played that they would have been on the pursuit of writing a story about what really happened back then. They would have been a neutral to antagonistic force in Warriors’s life. 

You can probably guess that this expose was supposed to be their work-- a decision to finally report truthfully despite being asked to lie once more for the greater good. I really wanted to juggle with the ethics of propaganda, and to have a moment where Warriors straddles that moral line by wanting to utilize propaganda for the greater good (but for real this time). 

I cut the character because a) there were too many bozos in this story already, and b) I didn’t think that a plotline about propaganda would be the most useful in a story about a kingdom where the people’s opinion does not matter (in retrospect, that’s a misconception on my part about what propaganda is used for). 

In some ways, I think it did hurt the story a bit to not have a specific character attached to the article. However, I ultimately like having no specific journalist attached to it since it places the blame more squarely on Impa. 

Writing the full article out was most definitely not the best use of my time or the best use of space, but I was worried that if I did not, readers would be really confused as to what the general public did and did not know. 

Stylistically, the article is meant to be more of an profile/investigation piece over a straight-informative blurb. The best example I can find is this article from the Cut on Usha Vance.

(I have spent the past month deep in the anti-Vance think pieces. Fuck both of them. I can’t believe I am going to have to keep hearing about these bastards probably for the rest of my life.)

As you can see, there is the occasional use of first person and more storytelling techniques used alongside facts. I chose this style mostly to make sure the article wasn’t too boring to read. 

I also struggled picking good numbers for the article that would sound severe, without being over the top. I think I picked some realistic stats. But if I messed up, it would be very funny and would invalidate all of my bitching about Fourth Wing’s bad numbers. 

At least I got to use this as an opportunity to drop some new info on you, such as...

Marigold was 19 when she gave birth to Warriors. Yeah, there’s a bit more to the Marigold story that is still left to be uncovered. There is a thematic reason to why Warriors does not seem to acknowledge how young she was when she became his mother.

How do I put this? There’s an irony in him knowing that he was failed by being made responsible for the kingdom at 17, and then not realizing that Marigold was also failed in a similar way. I think people generally have a problem realizing that the problems they see in the world are more widespread than they are, and that they take on multiple forms. And when one thing is wrong in the world, it usually is reflected elsewhere in an unexpected way. 

Warriors believes that Marigold had a responsibility to take care of him because she was his mother despite her age. Warriors had a responsibility to be the hero, despite his age. He understands that just because society at large saw this as his duty, it doesn’t mean it was right. He doesn’t realize this wasn’t Marigold’s duty either to take care of him.

I explored this idea earlier in the story with the use of child soldiers being contrasted with Kat’s underage prostitution. 

Also, Anders Brecht. His last name is a reference to Bertold Brecht, the playwright.

It’s nice to get his story out of Warriors’s perspective of my friend betrayed me and into this is a well-educated activist who was executed for trying to make positive change in the world. To this day, it surprises me how many people were not sympathetic to the turncoats in this story.

Another thematic point: both Anders and Marigold were the Hyrulean-equivalent of leftists. Despite having their influence on him, Warriors still turned out far more moderate than them, and far more prone to causing harm. Insert rant here about how just because you surround yourself with good people doesn’t mean you will turn out like them, etc. 

Spirit being ashamed about the article-- Spirit is definitely someone who understands that just because someone knows you went through some shit, it doesn’t mean they will really give you the validation you want. He’s what happens when the vitamin fantasy doesn’t yield the acknowledgement you thought you were going to get. 

And, finally, Warriors gets put into a corner and manages not to resort to using Spirit to his advantage. I enjoy that Warriors’s determination to not use Spirit as a pawn to sway public opinion back into his favor comes at the cost of, well, being on the verge of losing the goddamn fight. Oh Warriors, you can be a better person now but being a good person doesn’t win wars. 

While the opening conversation between Lincoln and Warriors would have 100% worked better at the end of the last chapter, I do think it’s nice that their conversations are bookends. 

I do think it’s kinda silly that celebrities have to apologize for doing something wrong to the general public, and a part of me wanted to use this story as a means to point that out. But I also have to admit that there is a social reason why we expect it, and I have come out on the side of pro-apology. 

This is the first time in-story that Lincoln hugs Warriors. 

Warriors really needed someone to tell him that they were proud of him and, I won’t lie, I also kinda needed it at the moment of writing. As much as Warriors still has a lot to learn and improve on, it feels good to see him get some of the praise he desperately needs. 

Warriors’s character arc really is just him realizing that while he has to do his heroic duties, he would much rather be living a quiet domestic life with his family. Well, he always knew he wanted that. He just went about it wrong with Spirit and Time. He’s just getting to start over with a better perspective and less coercion. 

And finally, the Knights of Hyrule are arriving. I’m not lying when I say that I have spent most of this year trying to get to this stupid plot point. I thought the trip to Castle Town to now was going to be one chapter. That was back in March. It’s November now. Ugh. 

So yeah. That’s the chapter. 

You might have noticed that my style is a bit different this chapter. Looking back on old chapters, I can see myself overwriting in a lot of places, especially in the narration the explore’s Warriors’s thought process. I’ve been trying to cut that back in order to both clean up my writing and cut down on the sheer bulk of words every chapter requires.

I think it’s working out so far, but I won’t blame anyone for thinking the chapter is a little underwritten, or it seems like I’m putting in less effort into the story. 

Ideally, I would like to get two more chapters out by the end of the year-- one for each month. I have no idea how that will work out when I am as busy as usual and the holidays are coming up. But I will try my best. 

(I also just realized that there is three weeks left to the month and I have not started the new chapter yet. Oof.)

(If I keep up the chapter a month pace, the story will end around April, aka: CTB’s next birthday.)

Thank you to everyone who has kept up with this story for so long. I love writing long stories, but there’s always a point where readership peters out (not surprising; comes with the art form). CTB has long hit this point (taking a four month break this year did not help), so I appreciate everyone who has kept up so far and everyone who has recently given this story a shot. Hopefully the next chapter will worth all the time and dedication you have shown this story so far <3

[st0rmyskies]

⭐⭐⭐ do you have any director's commentary for The Brave?

Other than the endless screaming about how the climax just isn't writing itself at all?

I could do a commentary for that entire damn fic, but at 66k and with so little brain today, I think I'll focus on one of my favorite characters in the entire story: Dark.

Dark is simultaneously my perfect narrative foil, my ugly little scrumblo, my dumbass a can, and the smartest character in the entire story. He's the only one who sees the whole plot from start to finish for what it is, and yet Time has his head so far up his own ass that Dark couldn't clue him in even if he wanted to. But really, can you blame Time? Their reintroduction in this story didn't go so hot.

“Well well well! If it isn’t the legend himself." [...] Dark moved to set his boot on the tabletop next to Time. The cuff of his jeans rode up to display the chunky plastic bracelet around his ankle. “Say, how’s that cute little redhead of yours? What was her name, Molly?” Time stared at the tabletop directly in front of him. The air pressure in the room seemed to drop. Dark leaned in close so that the others wouldn’t hear. “Does she still do that incredible thing with her—”

I mean, aside from running his mouth like a moron, Dark has zero concept of personal space.

Many things changed throughout writing that story, from focusing on Twilight's relationship with Midna to realizing that Champion's emergence would be a more interesting major arc to follow. But Dark's importance to the narrative remained, especially as an antagonist-turned-ally. He's surprisingly trustworthy, as proven when he and the Deity eventually have their throwdown and Dark doesn't hurt him once he has Time restrained, although he has plenty of valid reasons to want to.

“Do you think I always looked like this,” [Dark] went on, “that I was born looking like this??” Time tilted his face away slightly as Dark leaned in further, lifting his chin. From this angle, he could appreciate the pale lines beneath Dark’s nostrils and at the point of his chin.  Scars. “I hate having your fucking nose,” Dark spat, finally backing off.

The most fun I have with Dark, though, is how much his characterization opposes Time's. Where Time has to answer to others and keep up appearances for the sake of his work, Dark lives by his own rules. Where Time stretches himself thin looking after others, Dark has a self-centered philosophy on life. As soon as he can get the hell out of this whole circus, Dark is gone, and he has the personal freedom to do so.

Moreover: deep down, Time hates having to live up to the expectations of others but he does it because he thinks it's the right thing to do. And he hates how happy Dark is living by his own rules, unorthodox though they might be, because even when he was under constant surveillance, Dark was arguably freer than Time is throughout this story.

[isabeljkim]

What the hell is going on with Day Ten Thousand:

Day Ten Thousand was weird enough that I felt like it deserved directors commentary, even though I’ve stopped explaining myself mostly except when I do.

Here’s a disclaimer before we begin: don’t read too much into it. I've noticed our culture wants to explain young womens’ art as some sort of public confessional booth and our current culture has a fetish for the autobiographical. Fuck that. I didn’t write three different POVs and three interlocking nonlinear narratives about the nature of storytelling as a psychic technology to be told that my writing isn’t a calculated Craft with a capital C. Now whether it is good Craft is a decision for you, not for me. 

Anyway. 

Day Ten Thousand is a satire of an Isabel story by way of Vonnegut pastiche. We’ll come back to this. 

I called Day Ten Thousand “psychoanalysis bait” on twitter so I shall put all my cards on the table so that your psychoanalysis is at least accurate. Note that these are only my cards, because other people deserve their privacy. I guess you could probably Google all of this but like, jeez. Don’t.

I had a pretty regular time in college except for the tangential deaths. 

When I was twenty, I was the opinion editor for my university newspaper and a girl who was a friend of a friend killed herself by walking in front of a subway. There was then a sort of a small suicide bubble which was a little bit public because we were an Ivy, and one of my opinion columnists was kinda suicidal, and I, without any training, ended up in charge of writing a front page editorial about the mental health crisis on campus on account of the dead kids, etc, and talk to administration about the dead kids. 

I hate talking about dead kids. Don’t ask me about it, or about the reporting. I don’t want to talk about it. 

The whole thing sucked shit and it’s why I’m a lawyer now and not a reporter. 

If this was a story that would be the only fact, but this is reality so I have to mention that a couple years later a guy I knew got literally hate crimed and murdered in a forest. I found out about that because I saw his friend crying in public and didn’t stop to ask what was wrong. Later I heard about this in the news, and realized my acquaintance had been Literally Fucking Murdered. A few months ago I had been arguing with him in the literary magazine editors meeting about whether a poem was good or not. I think he won that argument. Then he was murdered for being gay. 

These were my introductions to the specific emotion of “sometimes people die and you don’t feel like you get to feel bad about their deaths and you still think about it a couple times a month seven years later.” 

You can probably guess where the subject material of this story came from.

Day Ten Thousand was a story about inevitable deaths, and the difference between a death in a story and a death in reality, and about…the way a death marks a narrative and a real life and how it becomes fictionalized over time. I also saw a clean way to finally do my deep time / far future story, which was something I had been thinking about on and off for a couple of years (the original version was about a shaman in the deep-time era who has a vision about having to do a murder re: preserving genetic material for the future, but it never really gelled in a way that made sense). 

I had also been wanting to write something a little metafictional, because I felt like I was writing the same story over and over (if you’ve noticed my stuff getting weirder, that’s why. I was on a bit of an experimentalist kick late last year and early this year). 

So it’s a satire of an Isabel story. I’m self-aware enough to note my obvious recurring motifs: time travel, dead people, grief, people who have a weird relationship to each other, a third-act twist, the tendency to punctuate with in-universe facts to imply emotion, to tell x in order to show y, egregious and blatant use of the second person. And then there’s the stuff that you wouldn’t know, but I do: I dislike writing in the first person, I wanted to do something nonlinear, I think a lot about stories about stories, about the idea of a story as a technology, I find myself dropped into recursive fate-like thought patterns. So a lot of this story is both my self-deprecating poking fun at myself and my habits, and also my thesis statement about…what is the point of fiction if not to make sense of the past and the future, I suppose.

The reason it is a Vonnegut pastiche is because I like Vonnegut a lot and I was trying to do something Slaughterhouse-5-ish with drastically less fucked source material. Sorry Kurt. 

There are three stories happening in Day Ten Thousand, and a secret fourth story. Each story is a suicide loop. The protagonist is trying to break a specific loop by telling a story. This story is about accepting what you have to, and changing what you can. This is a story about letting go and also not letting go. The emotional range of each narrative affects the other psychically, because by changing the vibe of the metanarrative, the individual narratives are allowed to change. 

The story in the archaic is a story that is being told postmortem, it is all hypotheticals based on fact. The story in the future is a singular narrative happening in real time until it isn't. And the story in the present is a guy telling the story about the future, which requires him to tell the story about the past as well, and mostly what Dave is doing here is avoiding the question, but it reflects how Dave thinks about the girl dying in front of the train. 

Does that make sense? No? That’s fair. That’s a postmortem explanation of what actually happened. What actually happened is that I rewrote Day Ten Thousand six times, each time more frustrating than the last, each time with the neutral-ish narrator taking up more and more air. And over time the narrator became a participant, and that’s what created the secret fourth story between “you” and the narrator. 

I had thought there were only three loops that needed to be escaped - the past (archaic, pinned story), and the future (space station, mutable fact), and that the present (the narrator’s world) was something that was static (pinned fact). After all, the girl’s already dead. She’s already stepped in front of the train. 

But the narrator isn’t doing so hot. The narrator is also Dave. And the narrator is telling the story to someone. Somewhere between version one and version six, I realized the only version of this story that makes sense is the one where the story is a conversation, and that you and I, as the narrator and the person at the other end, were also in a loop. 

So. That's whats happening.

I’m not sure if I love the ending. But I rewrote it six times and this one felt as final as it is going to get. I am done reinventing the fucking wheel. You know how it is with spaghetti. Promise I’ll write you something normal next time, I think I’ve gotten the avant- garde out of my system for a few months. 

And hey, I know I said all cards on the table but people deserve their privacy and that includes the kid i used to be when I was twenty, sitting in the shitty little windowless opinion column office, writing about suicide. 

Anyway. Day Ten Thousand is about stuff and things. Themes. So it goes. 

Thanks for reading. I’ll see you later. 

If that was too depressing for you, here are some fun facts: 

The main character is Dave after 2001: A Space Odyssey because I had wanted to make a “I’m sorry Dave I can’t do that” joke, but I couldn’t shove it in :( 

I just thought that phlebotomist was a funny word but I also fucked myself because I misspelled it every time. 

I reread half of Slaughterhouse Five to write this but then my copy got returned to the library automatically so I didn’t finish it. (yes, I’ve read it before, like three times)  

I took one single evolutionary anthropology course in college and it shows.  

I did end up looking at the wikipedia page for “the wheel” for this and then wondering exactly what I was doing with my life. 

About half the facts in this are real, and I read a couple of papers for a couple of things in it (that I promptly then ignored), but the rockets-rome-horse’s ass thing is specifically a story that my friend Max H. likes to tell. 

[callsign-rogueone]

Hey honey! Hope you’re feeling better today 💗💗 I’m adoring the directors cuts. We know you put so much thought and planning into your stories, and it’s so fun to get a glimpse of where your head was at when you were writing!

Can you give us some commentary on Dain and Love? She seems to be becoming a fan fave, and we the people need to know more about them!

Love you!

-fw-gt

this is so late but here it is!! I’m gonna kinda do a general overview for this one!! no quotes, just broad thoughts because I’ve been itching to unpack all my thoughts about Dain for months. here’s a few of them for now — there will be much more Dainposting from me in the future, that’s guaranteed.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again — Dain wants a princess* that he can be the knight in shining armor for, and Violet isn’t that, so that’s (one of the reasons) why they didn’t work.

*Not a literal princess, but he wants a girl that’s going to let him protect her, let him play that masculine role and make the decisions, because he’s maybe a little bit insecure in that regard and also maybe a little old-fashioned, being from a military family with traditional values.

Love is kinda that girl, but she’s also very much not that girl. You said this perfectly in the discord the other day: Love is a good balance of what Dain wants, and what Dain needs.

She’s a lot of things that he wants — she’s beautiful and razor-sharp-smart, and kind and caring and so many amazing things (because she’s you all!). She wants to be cared for and doted on, (total daddy’s girl, first of all) and she knows her worth / what she deserves — besides her parents, Brennan and Duchess are her role-model example of how a relationship should be. so she’s got Standards.

However, comma, she’s still very much her own person, and that clashes with his personality quite a bit. She alters her uniforms to look more flattering and wears impractical shoes. She’s not afraid to laugh during formation or other serious situations. She memorizes her textbooks instead of studying them, and half the time she sleeps during optional training sessions. She’s a wild-child, playful and always down for a shenanigan. They’re going to have several more arguments about her putting herself in danger — she agreed to cut out the jumping-off-her-dragon stunt, but she’s not going to roll over for him every time just because he says so.

She’s not a damsel in distress, either. She can defend herself (guess who taught her to fight 👀) and she’s smart in tactical situations, as her dad was one of Fen’s tacticians, but she’s a bit of a wild-child, impulsive and ruled by her emotions, rather than the codex — though she does have the codex memorized. so she gets to play lawyer on behalf of the marked kids and finds ways to keep her shenanigans within the lines. the professors are sick of her shit, but also very impressed.

Dain is included in that category — alternating between awe and irritation. but he needs to be challenged, to be softened a little and learn to relax for once. he doesn’t go with the flow at all. ever. he’ll learn, though. he has to, if he wants this to work — which he does, but he’s still conflicted.

he’s got the pressure and disapproval from dear old dad, and the propoganda he’s been taught about her fam being traitors… and then there’s her absolutely terrifying older brother, who is the son of the “lead traitor” and absolutely despises him… but she’s so pretty and so nice to him, even though she shouldn’t be. and he feels bad for her, knowing what she’s been through. she’s slowly changing his perspective, and that’s uncomfortable at first. there’s gonna be turbulence.

and… SPOILERS FOR THEIR STORY BELOW, but most people know this already, and I’ve already said it multiple times;

they’re having a kid in Onyx Storm.

Dain and Love started as a one-shot request, part of the family, (which will eventually be re-written to change some things!!) but the more I thought about it, the more I was like… hmm. this could work, actually. fuck it, why not?

the idea of Dain, the self-proclaimed “responsible one”, becoming a young dad (22-23) is definitely unexpected — giving him a little reality check, and breaking the “graduation -> marry a nice girl from a good family -> have 2.5 kids -> get promoted as high as you can, in that order” model that he’s undoubtedly been taught to follow.

He has some shit to unpack regarding his upbringing and his relationship with his dad, and his mom not being in his life (headcanon of mine). and while Love is gonna help with that, as well as some of his other issues, it’s really going to be their baby girl that speeds things up and gets all this done and dusted.

but also, him having to unpack all the shit his father did, unlearn it, and then learn how to…

be a parent without his own parents there to help him, nor hers

raise a kid that won’t turn to hate you and help lead a revolution against you

make them feel safe and loved and meet their emotional needs, not just physical needs…

deal with the idea of Love being in danger now that there’s a baby in the mix

and some other things I won’t spoil hehe

so yeah. he’s got some stuff to figure out. I’m forcing him to have the character development he deserves in canon 😌 and these three are gonna love each other so much and be such a cute lil family, happily ever after, so help me god.

thank u for the excuse to ramble about them. ily 💗

[blainesebastian]

set opportunities (ccg universe)

words: 4,063  ship: austin butler x reader summary: ( @stylesmendeshearted requested) “Austin and CCG’s little girl on a movie set”  notes: obviously this follows some of the fics in the ccg universe, probably best to at least read ‘little family’ if you haven’t!  warnings: none  tag list: @killerqueenfan, @karamelcoveredolicity, @elizabethrosecresswell, @gigisworldsstuff, @stylesmendeshearted, @rairaielv, @purejasmine 

Ironically, this is something you weren’t prepared for—landing a movie of your own to star in after you’d had a family. You’d written two films, sure, and they were relatively successful but the last thing you considered is that your agent would be telling you about a film to be in. You never thought about being an actress and honestly you’re still waiting for the other shoe to drop that tells you this is going to be a complete waste of your time. But you also know that you’ll regret if you don’t try.

You remember making jokes to Jillian in the makeup trailer about how every actor out there is suddenly a singer, a producer, a director—a candle stick-maker. And now here you are, a writer, a coffee cart set girl and now an actress. Oh the turn tables.

You’re attempting not to take yourself too seriously, you expect to wake up from a dream or have the rug yanked out from underneath you, and when your agent even presents you with the offer, you sit on it for about two weeks.

Then Austin finds out.

“So you weren’t gonna tell me?” He asks, raising his eyebrows as he stands in the kitchen. There’s no ire in his voice, more like soft amusement, and you roll your eyes because this has Jillian printed all over it.

You can literally picture your best friend texting your husband to move you along in terms of making a decision.

Running a hand through your hair, you shake your head as Luci settles herself in a booster seat at the kitchen table, grabbing pancakes you’ve made and sopping them in syrup. The girl definitely knows how to enjoy breakfast and make a mess.

“I was…totally…eventually…probably gonna tell you.” You smile brightly in his direction to disarm him and he hums, moving to press a kiss to your lips.

“Daddy patates.” Luci announces, like it might be the most important thing in the world and honestly you’d rather talk about that than this actress thing.

Austin smiles as he grabs a mug to pour some coffee, wandering over to look at her breakfast plate mess, “I can see that. You’re gettin’ syrup everywhere.” There’s a definite fondness in his voice that makes your heart flutter in your chest. He attempts to push some of her hair back, “Gonna need a bath after this or you’ll stick to everythin’.”

A soft laugh leaves your lips and you cut up some of your own pancakes to take a bite of. The kitchen is a comfortable quiet for a few moments, Luci enjoying her breakfast as Austin eventually joins you at the table. He grabs some pancakes for himself and spreads butter and you watch him because you enjoy the look of him just waking up. His hair is slightly wild, especially near his forehead, a small amount of scruff growing along his jawline. Luci is very skeptical about that—she reaches her hands out and touches his face sometimes, her nose crinkling in this adorable way when she feels it.

Personally, you’re a fan, but then again Austin is basically handsome no matter what he does. You’re definitely bias.

Despite that everyone is eating breakfast, you know why Austin isn’t currently pressing about this acting thing—he’s giving you time to mull over commentary in your head, allowing you the space to flip it back and forth before you’re actually ready to talk about it.

“I was going to tell you,” You begin, turning a little in your seat so you can face him better. “It’s just…you know, with both of us between projects, I’ve been enjoying this time together. Here.” And realistically you know that won’t last forever of course, both of you have passions that aren’t being stashed away just because you have a daughter.

And—lingers in the air. Austin waits for you to continue but when you hesitate, he stands from his chair to help Luci down when she declares she’s very much done with her pancakes.

“Go wash your hands,” He tells her and she dutifully runs off towards the bathroom to find her stepping stool to do just that. Austin’s right though, she’ll probably need a bath.

You rub the back of your neck, swallowing down a thick emotion. Austin can tell you’re conflicted, reaching for your wrist to wrap his fingers around so you’ll stop fidgeting. A soft smile tugs the corners of your mouth as you shake your head.

“You’re scared everythin’ will change.”

A relieved breath slips from your lips because of course he understands without having to explain it. You nod, leaning back in your chair, hearing the water run in the bathroom. This is only the first handful of times that Luci has been following two-step instructions so, bound to be water on the floor, or she leaves the faucet running.

“I know change doesn’t automatically mean something is bad,” You reply, pushing your plate back once you’ve finished. “It’s just a lot to think about, a lot for Luci.” Not only will schedules change, but obviously that will impact how Luci is taken care of.

You and Austin have talked about co-parenting, about flip-flopping what it might look like if one of you were filming and you know that Austin has no trouble or concerns stepping fully into that role if you would want to act in this movie. There’s nothing decided for him right now, even though his agent is always discussing plans of the future.

“It’ll be different for her, but she can adapt,” And then he presses right on a nerve, what you’re really concerned about. He knows you far too well—“Wanting to do this doesn’t make you a bad mom, you know that, right?”

You swallow over what feels like gravel in your throat and turn to look at him, your eyes shining with unspoken fears and insecurities. Austin’s eyebrows pinch together in empathy and he shakes his head, moving to stand so he can wrap his arms around you. You let out a soft sigh as you remain seated, your face pressed into his torso, his hands working along your shoulders and through your hair.

“You can’t think like that, alright?” Austin soothes, tipping your chin back so that his fingers can wipe tear tracks from your cheeks, “I know how much you love Luci and you know how much I love you.” A soft smile pulls at your lips, “Wantin’ this does not make you a bad mother, you understand me?”

You sniffle and grab a napkin from the table to blow your nose, nodding as Austin takes a step back. You can hear the pitter-patter of Luci’s bare feet on the wood floor, making a run back into the living room and then kitchen as she comes back from her hand-washing adventure.

“How’d we do?” Austin asks, picking her up and settling her on his hip.

She preens at him, like she’s hung the moon, her one hand holding onto one of her favorite stuffed animals which is a black dinosaur Austin got her when she turned two. She’s definitely got syrup still on at least one hand, her cheeks and…her hair? You crinkle your nose and laugh, Austin shaking his head fondly.

“Alright, bath time. We’ll give your dino a good run in the washing machine too.”

“Here, let me—” You begin, standing from the table to help or take over. Something. Austin shakes his head, leaning over to press a kiss to your lips. It definitely stops you in your tracks, something lingering and warm against your lips and fluttering in your belly.

“I got it,” He says, pecking the corner of your mouth as he pulls back. “You finish up here,” He raises his eyebrows pointedly, “And call your agent.”

You hold his gaze for a long moment and nod because…he’s right, you do want to give this a chance. Wherever it may lead.

“Give mommy a kiss.” Austin tells Luci and before you can even turn your head, Luci plants a big wet, syrupy kiss on your cheek, kinda getting it on your nose.

You laugh as Austin begins to leave the kitchen, amusement on his face. “Thanks for that.”

He says a few things to Luci as he walks down the hall, her laughter echoing. Pulling your phone out of your joggers, you take in a soft breath before drawing up your agent’s number and tapping it.

Well, here it goes.

--

So you really decide to do this thing and after about a month in, you’re somehow completely overwhelmed and grateful all at the same time. It’s definitely nothing like you’ve experienced before, which you figure makes sense. Delivering coffee to trailers and being on set as a writer is completely different than being the, for the lack of a better word, star. It feels like a warped sense of déjà vu, for someone to bring you a coffee order, a girl named Dez who’s young and bright and has a crush in on your husband (in the most wholesome of ways). She’s sweet, but everyone on set is, and on some days you try your hardest not to struggle with imposter syndrome because a lot of people are depending on you.

Set is about three hours away from home so you drive back as often as you can but a lot of the time with the late hours and early starts, you sleep in your trailer. You desperately miss Austin, Luci, the comfort your home and little family bring. It feels like there’s two parts to you, something that was whole and complete before starting to sever, being yanked apart by distance and time.

Austin is understanding, supportive and comforting and sometimes being reminded of how proud he is of you really makes everything worth it. It reminds you that you deserve to be proud of yourself.

Letting out a soft sigh, you let yourself into your trailer after a long night…even though it’s only nine o’clock. Feels a lot later. There’s talk about there being an eleven PM shoot but nothing is set into stone yet. You figure it’s best to go back and lay down to get as much sleep as possible. But as you eventually crawl into bed, you’ve got one thing on your mind, and you tap Austin’s name and open up FaceTime.

He answers after the second ring, his face coming into view. Your stomach does a full swoop, a smile instantly pulling at your face. From what you can tell, he’s on the couch in the living room, a blue and white hued glow playing with shadows along his cheekbones and jawline, indicating that he’s muted the TV.

“Hey stranger,” He greets, that familiar drawl making your cheeks kiss pink.

“Hi,” You reply, voice relieved. “You are a sight for sore eyes.”

“Know the feelin’,” He smiles at you, tilting his head, “You in bed?”

You nod, propping up a few pillows so it’s more comfortable to talk to him. “Yeah, just finished shooting.”

“You rememberin’ to eat?” He asks and you can’t help but let out a soft laugh, touched that he’s worried but—

“This is very reminiscent of when you were on Elvis, you know, me always wondering if you found time to make sure you’re eating.”

Austin hums a little, running a hand through his blonde curls, “Glad I could figure out a way to give it right back to you.”

There’s a comfortable silence for a few moments in which you’re just kinda breathing with one another. And when you close your eyes, turning in bed to lie on your side and adjusting your phone to lean horizontally, it almost feels like he’s there with you.

“How’s Luc?” You ask, opening your eyes to look at him.

You can tell he was looking at you in a similar manner, this sort of intimate gaze reserved only for you.

“She’s good,” Austin nods, “I wouldn’t say that she’s one hundred percent sure on you not bein’ home every night but I think she’s startin’ to get that you’re at work.” He pauses, a soft breath leaving his lips, “Though she was lookin’ for you in your closet today, so.”

Your hand settles over your heart as your mouth opens slightly because ouch, “Aw, poor thing.” You shake your head, trying to blink away very sudden tears because you hate that Luci’s at home, wondering where you are, looking for you in places she’s seen you in before.

“Hey don’t,” Austin says gently, “Can’t stand seein’ you cry.”

A soft laugh flutters out of your lips and you quickly wipe underneath your eyes because you’re definitely not doing it on purpose. You blame it on long nights, not enough sleep, and missing them.

“Kinda your fault,” You tease, letting your hand rest over your face for a moment as you take in a long breath to center yourself.

You’re about to come up with this elaborate plan in which you decide to come home tomorrow night, regardless of what time you finish filming, regardless of what time you have to be up the next day. Even if it’s just for an hour of seeing Austin, of being in bed with him, of having your little girl wake up to you being home—it’ll be worth it.

Before you get the words out, there’s a knock at your trailer door, “Ms. Y/L/N?” One of the hair and makeup girls calls out, “I dunno if you saw but we’re gonna do one more scene in an hour.”

Closing your eyes, you turn a little to call over your shoulder, “Thanks, be out soon.”

The trailer door closes and you run a hand over your face, sitting up a bit and looking back your husband. He gives you a small, warm smile, something that reaches directly into your chest and squeezes pleasantly. There are no words to really describe how much you love him, how much you appreciate him being there for you.

“I gotta go but I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

Austin nods, “Yeah, call me whenever you need.”

You’ll definitely be holding him to that. The trailer feels extra quiet when you hang up the call.

--

You know that this is the first film you’ve starred in, so maybe you’re a bit bias, but you’re definitely enjoying the process so far and everything that comes with it. Not only does the movie feel like a fresh take on a psychological thriller, but you’re just kinda soaking up absolutely everything that comes from the experience. You might learn something from this for next time, or this film might be a one-off and you never place yourself in movies again. Either way? You’re not taking this for granted…even if you’re a little distracted today from missing your family.

You keep that to yourself even though in hair and makeup this morning you show the girls working on you pictures of Austin and Luci. They know who your husband is already, of course, but they’re definitely enjoying some of the behind-the-scenes at him being a father. It’s not that you’re embarrassed or anything about your emotions, it’s just…you want to make sure you’re putting your best foot forward when it comes to concentration and dedication of craft. You’ve got plenty to learn.

Taking a small sip of water, you hum as a fifteen minute break is called. Perfect amount of time for you to walk back to your trailer and call Austin, see if Luci wants to take a break from playing for FaceTime. You pull the skirt up a little to the long, flowing ruby red dress you’re wearing—matching high-heeled shoes and lipstick. They’ve been filming the ‘charity ball’ scene since this morning so, while you’re definitely loving the dress, your feet are starting to hurt.

Toeing them off, you leave them on set to put them back on when break is called, walking in the direction of your trailer. Not two steps before you hear,

“Mommeee!”

And you’d know that voice anywhere—you turn sharply and gasp a little, grinning as you see Luci running towards you at breakneck speed, arms wide open. You laugh lightly, leaning down to scoop her into your arms when she gets close enough.

“Oh my gosh!” You grin down at her, pressing kisses all over her face and definitely getting lipstick on her. She doesn’t seem to care as she giggles, moving to hug you tightly around your neck.

You glance in the direction she’s come from and not far behind is Austin, walking to you with a wide smile and a visitor’s badge on. You know you’re technically not that far from home, but it feels so good to see him. You let out a warm sigh as he reaches you, Austin leaning down to press a kiss on your lips and smirking at how smudged your makeup has gotten.

“Surprise.”

You smile, nuzzling your nose against his for a moment, “Best surprise.”

Austin hums and runs his fingers through Luci’s wild curls, “Will have to remember that with your birthday comin’ up.”

A soft laugh mixed with an eyeroll, your free hand gently smacking his chest. “Hush.”

This is probably the perfect time to visit the makeup trailer really quick to fix your lipstick, bringing Austin and Luci along for the walk. Luci is talkative in so many ways, telling you about all the things you’ve been missing at home. Austin’s made blanket forts, taken her to the park, made pancakes and ice cream sandwiches, watched Moana three times—

“Wow, blanket forts and ice cream sandwiches,” You shake your head at Austin. “That doesn’t seem fair that I’m not gettin’ any of that.”

He smirks and presses a kiss to your temple before you walk up the steps to the makeup trailer, “I saved you a sandwich in the freezer, I know where my husband points come from.”

You grin over your shoulder before greeting the lovely makeup women and make your introductions. Both of them have wonderful things to say to Austin and Luci and your cheeks definitely turn pink when they throw compliments your way too about how hard you’ve been working on set.

Austin looks proud but unsurprised.

Ally takes Luci and places her in her chair, asking her if she wants her hair braided and some pink lipstick. You grin as you sit down in Rachel’s chair so she can fix you up for the scene, watching Luci every so often get treated like a princess. She’s definitely having a great time.

There’s a knock on the trailer door and Dez opens up, getting her notepad out to take coffee orders. She takes one look at the chairs before the corner of the large mirrors near the door and her eyes grow as big as saucers upon seeing Austin.

A soft chuckle leaves your lips, “Dez, I’m sure Austin needs no introduction but,” You motion towards your husband, “Austin, this is Dez, she keeps me caffeinated and sane on set and she’s a big fan of yours.”

Austin nods in understanding before smiling, his eyes glancing towards you as he has a similar thought that you’re definitely sharing about coffee cart girls and coming full circle. He leans up off the counter and offers his hand for Dez to shake,

“Really nice meeting you.”

Her cheeks turn pink as she squeezes his hand, “Are you kidding? It’s so nice to meet you, I—” She’s definitely trying to figure out how to complete full sentences. You smirk lightly as your lipstick is finished, “I will—I will get you anything you’d like, coffee wise, what—what can I get you?”

Austin chuckles warmly, “Just black, sugar. Thank you.”

You know that he’s made this girl’s day, especially when she comes back with everyone’s coffee orders and he poses for a selfie with her. With break time winding down and your makeup touched up, you scoop Luci up into your arms and wander out of the trailer, putting her on the ground. She’s got braid pigtails and light pink lipstick on.

“Look how pretty you are.”

She gives you a big, cheesy smile and begins fluffing out the bottom of your dress just because she can and she must enjoy the fluffiness of the red mesh. Glancing at the time, you know you’re gonna have to get back to set but before you go, you turn your attention towards Austin. Both of your hands automatically find his as he steps closer to you, your fingers lacing.

“I’m so happy you’re here.”

He hums in agreement, “We’ll set up in your trailer—see you later.”

“Okay, make sure you grab dinner at the food tent.”

“I know how this works,” He teases with a grin, leaning down to kiss you.

Unfortunately, you have to side step a little with a soft huff, “Don’t mess up my makeup or Rachel will have some words for you.”

Austin chews on his lower lip, smiling as he leans in and manages a few kisses in haphazard places, causing laughs to leave your lips—one to the temple, the cheek, jawline.

You pull back as Austin scoops up your daughter, heading to set feeling automatically rejuvenated.

--

Wrapping the night off strong, you finally make it back to your trailer to see Austin and Luci. You’ve changed back into a pair of leggings and one of Austin’s sweatshirts in wardrobe, leaving the flowing red dress behind. As you walk up the steps and gently push open the door with your elbow, you finish using a makeup wipe to take the remnants of lipstick and mascara off.

Smiling softly, you toss the wipe into a nearby trashcan as you see Austin lounging on your couch, waiting for you. He sets his phone down, sitting up a bit,

“How’d it go?”

You hum lightly, glancing into your bedroom to see that Luci is passed out on your bed, laying face down in a few coloring books. A small smirk tugs the corners of your mouth that Austin’s just left her there like that but…seems like all the markers have caps on, so, it’s a good trade off.

“Good, I think.” You sigh, tired, but in a good fulfilled way. You perch yourself on the solid coffee table to sit across from him. “It’s one of those things where I won’t…quite know how I’m doing until it’s all over with.” You crinkle your nose, your hands settling on his knees, “Your wife might end up being a terrible actress.”

He smirks, leaning forward to plant a soft kiss on your lips, “I doubt that.”

A soft pink blush blooms on your cheeks, “And good here?”

Austin nods, glancing into the other room at Luci on the bed, “Passed out colorin’ you a picture for your fridge in here,” He smiles, “M’sure you’ll have plenty to pick from.”

“I’d expect nothing less.”

He gently tugs on your hand, encouraging you up and off the coffee table. Austin spreads himself out on the couch, his long body barely contained on the cushions. You wait until he’s comfortable, a few pillows pressed against the arm of the couch before you lay down on him. Ridiculous how perfect you fit against his body. You’re aware both of you could go to bed but that’d mean disrupting Luci and…knowing her, it’d take forever to get her asleep again. So this will do, not like you haven’t tackled a trailer couch before and made it work.

You fit directly underneath his chin, pressing your nose and lips into his shoulder, breathing him in as your eyes close. Austin threads his fingers through your hair, creating a pattern of his hands massaging circles into your spine.

“M’proud of you.” He says, mostly against your temple.

You smile, tilting your head up to look at him. You press a kiss to his jawline and Austin tips his chin down further to steal a kiss, “I love you.” You whisper against his lips.

Even though you know it’s late, all that matters is that you get to unwind from a long work day with you feeling like you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be: with your family.

[sehtoast]

Is it me or not many people simp for Homelander compared to other villains? It’s like people can’t say they find him hot without getting jumped and i just don’t understand why? There’re villains who have done way worse and people still like them so why is it any different with Homelander, he is literally fictional and never harmed anyone in real life. What do you think is the reason?

Prepare yourself. This is gonna be a long one lol:

For what it’s worth, I feel like a lot more people do simp for him than are open about it for exactly what you just said. I’ve rarely seen fandoms respond to people liking a character the way people jump at us for liking Homelander.  The amount of hate mail I've received and seen others get and the genuinely FOUL things that have been said are just absolutely crazy. Like I’ve seen less kickback for people simping for real-world mass shooters and serial killers than I have for fans of Homie, which is WILD but yeah!!

I think it’s because Kripke decided to make him a Trump allegory that makes people so quick to jump us over it honestly. I feel like if he wasn’t, a LOT more people would openly like him too. 

More below the cut:

90% of the criticisms I see toward Homie fans is “he’s LITCHERALLY TRUMP” and/or something about Stormfront.  Some people go the “he’s a r*pist” route, which, sure, valid, but then this is not the same energy a lot of fans of r*pist characters have gotten.  I remember with shows like GoT, where characters could be any number of awful things (including r*pists), there wasn’t necessarily as much vilification of people for liking those characters, and, even though I didn’t watch much of the show, I know daaaaamn well we got some qualifiers in there.  That’s just an example, and there’s certainly others that prove the point. Soldier Boy was downright HORRIBLE to the women he was around, but we barely see criticism there and it's pretty heavily implied he's ignored consent many times in his own time given the way he treats women - plus we know he s*xually abused Gunpowder. Anyway, if that energy isn’t being directed in nearly the same capacity there or elsewhere, then it’s primarily likely to be either reason one or two, and I definitely would put my money on number one.  And like, being a Homelander enjoyer has not made me a Trump enjoyer. In fact, I have a pretty visceral reaction of disgust every time I see that rat bitch on the news lmao.  

Being a Homelander simp certainly does not mean we approve of his every act, but media morality police think this is not the case. I think a lot of people– and this was 100% exacerbated during covid shutdowns imo– have started to see media consumption as a form of morality and feel as though your enjoyment of something is a perfect spreadsheet of who you are as a person.  I mean, there have always been people like this, but it’s gotten worse and significantly more annoying in recent years.  I think the death of media literacy is also contributing heavily here because there being a lack of critical thinking associated with media consumption has so many people painting everything in a purely black and white context. Like this is good, this is bad, there is no middle ground in which people can consume this or appreciate that without it being a moral violation.  Which is… increasingly concerning lol.   

All media has problematic elements somewhere/somehow, and basically all characters do as well.  However, very few have the director jerking off and going “i’m SOOOOO smart for comparing him to trump omfg” and constantly shoving shoehorned political and social commentary into the script the way Kripke does (ask me how I felt about the transphobia ‘commentary’ this season and I will write you a thesis paper about how bad, ineffective, and mostly insulting to trans viewers it was). He’s so fired up to make the two a mirror image that even Antony Starr has said he’s sometimes checking Kripke and telling him that taking it too far reduces the character to one or two dimensional at best unless the comparisons directly relate to the narrative of the character.   The allegories have been effective in keeping people (for the most part) from viewing Homelander as a hero, but it’s also created a lot of senseless vitriol for people who actually do enjoy the character whether strictly because of the character himself or because they’re simping (I do both 😂).

So uh… that’s my extremely long two-cents. Hopefully it makes sense as I’m a little sleep deprived at the moment and just got out of a two hour long lecture lol