#and if it stays this way for the remainder of the tour so be it 😌

[kindahoping4forever]

Luke anon here👋 I didn't know I had such power (no clown should be aware of that, the fandom would burn)😄 But I can't take all the credits: '🕯️manifest Crystal losing her mind once more🕯️' <-your own tag, famous last words��� I'm still processing this pics but I laughed out loud at your tags and the timing of it all😄 The moral is: never underistimate the power of ass😌

Omg you're so right I forgot I tagged that 😭😭😭

[harryslittlefreakk]

drunk in love

a late night talking extra 💓

summary: harry invites y/n to a party celebrating his upcoming final LOT show

warnings: very light smut (pretty much just touchy feely, male masturbation), alcohol use

wordcount: 4.1k

a/n: i want this to be me ? if i could have any harry, i want this one 😭 can’t believe it’s nearly a month since i last posted!!! sorry!!

you can find my masterlist here! happy reading 🫶🏼💖

“Harry, seriously!” You were swatting his hands away for what felt like the thousandth time that evening.

“Please. Missed you,” he pouted, opting to wrap his arms around your waist instead.

“I know baby, missed you too. But walking into the party late and together is hardly keeping it on the down low.”

It was Harry’s idea to keep it quiet tonight, for you to be by his side as a friend of Gemma’s and nothing more. His nearest and dearest had flown to Italy to celebrate the end of Love on Tour, and while he knew he could trust the majority of the guests, there were sure to be people who’d sell photos for a quick buck. You were happy to keep your privacy a little longer, but truthfully, you were itching to shout from the rooftops. It had only been a month since you’d met Harry, and you hadn’t even seen him for 3 weeks of that month. But it was the best month of your life.

“Don’t wanna keep it on the down low,” he groaned, throwing his head down into the crook of your neck. “You do, and you’ll thank yourself for it.”

His green eyes were peeking at you through the mirror, hungry and desperate for more of you. If it were any other occasion you’d be straight into bed with him, but you wanted so badly to make a good impression tonight. You were lucky to have Anne and Gemma on your side already, the pair of them taking to you so well that Harry even ended up setting up a group chat for the four of you to keep in touch while he was away. A mother’s judgement was quick and usually correct, and Harry had made it explicitly clear to you that she totally adored you. You were normal, she said. But still, meeting the remainder of Harry’s closest business partners, friends and family was downright terrifying to you.

“Would help with your nerves.”

“Harry, we have to be there in half an hour. You’re not even dressed.”

“Don’t have to get dressed if I’m jus’ going to get undressed.”

“Go next door and get dressed. Or let go of me so I can,” you laughed, turning around to press a kiss to his forehead.

He trailed away silently, feet scuffing on the carpet before he threw himself down on the bed. Always one for the dramatics. “At least let me see what you’re wearing before I go.”

You padded across the hotel room, pulling a metallic gold maxi dress from the wardrobe. You’d worried it would be too much, far too attention grabbing at a party where you wanted to stay out of the spotlight. But Gemma and Joanie had convinced you, and now that you held it up towards the window, you could finally see their vision.

The slowly setting sun was beautiful, gold and pink tones washing across the sky. You’d never been to Italy before, and suddenly it was your favourite place to be. The Mediterranean was good to Harry, the tan he’d picked up since you saw him last now rich and deep. He was glowing so brightly that you swore he could literally illuminate a dark room. Even the tiny beads of sweat on his chest sparkled like diamonds. He was delicious, and yet you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him for too long. The way his eyes were fixed on you, likely imagining himself doing filthy things to you in that dress, made you weak at the knees. You had, what, 5 or so minutes until Gemma came to collect you? Plenty could be done in that time. But as soon as the idea popped into your head, Gemma’s voice came from the other side of the door.

“Get out Harry,” she called. He groaned as he heard her, running a frustrated hand through his messy curls. “You’ll look beautiful, always do,” Harry told you, pressing a kiss on your lips as he moped over to the door. He said a quick hello to Gemma before leaving, knowing that if he lingered around you for any longer, he’d never make it to his own celebration.

“What’s up with him?” Gemma laughed, pointing behind her as the heavy door swung shut. “Needy,” you told her, amusement tugging at the corners of your mouth. “I told you he still throws a tantrum! You think he’s all grown up on the surface, but there’s a stroppy little boy in there still.”

You pulled her in for a hug, grateful to have her by your side. “I’m really nervous,” you confessed, sinking down onto the edge of the bed. “I don’t know who Harry’s told what to, don’t want to slip up and ruin it for either of us.” You pulled your bottom lip into your mouth, the weight of your nerves finally crashing down on you. You hadn’t wanted to show Harry how anxious you were, knowing that he’d never leave your side if he knew.

“You poor thing,” Gemma smiled, placing a protective hand on your arm as she joined you on the soft bed. “I’ll be by your side as long as you want me to be. Some of Mum’s friends are coming too, so if you need a break from the crazy, they’ll be happy to look after you. Proper British mums.”

—

The venue was potentially one of the most beautiful places you’d ever seen. A rooftop bar with floor to ceiling windows leading out onto a patio, the evening sun casting a warm orange glow over every inch of the crowded room. You didn’t think you could ever get over the views from this high up, even stores and corner shops looked beautiful. In the few hours since you’d arrived in Italy, it had totally captured your heart. You could see why Harry chose here for his final show.

“Ready?” Gemma asked, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“Ready,” you smiled, taking a deep breath as you followed her through the double doors.

There were so many people you recognised, some people you didn’t, and it was genuinely like walking into a weird fantasy. A month ago you were getting ready to see your favourite artist perform, now you were walking into a room of celebrities with his sister by your side. It didn’t matter how many times you went through it in your head, how many times you looked through your pictures with Harry, it never felt real.

Gemma took you to meet some of the band first, Sarah, Mitch and Pauli all huddled around a high table. They greeted Gemma warmly, but when Sarah’s eyes landed on you, she threw her arms around you with almost enough enthusiasm to knock you off your feet. “Y/n! You look incredible,” she grinned, squeezing you tightly. “She’s had one too many already,” Mitch muttered, nodding a gentle hello.

You stayed with them as Gemma went to get you both a drink, listening to their stories of touring and performing in different cities around the world, each tale filled with laughter and joy. Speaking to people who had known Harry on a deeper level for so many years made your heart soar, the same tenderness and care he showed you evident in the way his band mates spoke of him. Just as your eyes began to wander across the room to find him, Gemma returned with two glasses of Prosecco, handing one to you with a warm smile. “Got to keep moving, but we’ll be back,” she told the group, guiding you to some more of Harry’s friends.

—

From the other end of the bar, Harry’s eyes were fixed on you. He took a sip of his drink, his gaze never wavering as he watched you laugh with Sarah and Glenne. The way your eyes sparkled as you giggled, the tiny snorts that slipped out when something was truly funny. He was totally captivated by you. Harry couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming protectiveness, so desperately wishing he could’ve been the one to introduce you to his loved ones. He’d watched as you and Gemma made the rounds, shaking hands and exchanging hugs with his friends and colleagues. You’d mesmerised every single one of them, effortlessly commanding attention as if tonight was for you. He’d had no doubts about them liking you, seeing in you what he did, but there was still a little bit of pride bubbling away inside of him. You were his girl, and you were fitting into his life so perfectly. He may have been a little tipsy, his emotions a little heightened, but right there he realised he couldn’t imagine a life without you.

He started to make his way towards you, silently joining your group with a dorky grin plastered on his face. Your brows furrowed as you looked over at him, rocking on his heels slowly as he stared between the three of you. Sarah and Glenne could only laugh, taking his appearance as their cue to leave.

“Do I have something on my face?” you smirked once you were alone with Harry.

“Little bit of sexy right.. there,” he grinned, reaching out slowly to poke at your cheek. His playful grin widened as he leaned in closer, a tiny chuckle slipping past his lips. "Gonna need to wipe that off," Harry teased, his warm breath brushing over your skin.

“Is that so?”

“Absolutely. Can’t risk anyone else seeing that.” His finger lingered on your skin for a moment, tracing light patterns before he pulled away, replacing his gentle touch with soft kisses.

“Harry!” you scolded, trying to pull away from him before anyone noticed.

“No one’s looking,” he murmured against your skin, wrapping an arm around your waist and tugging you closer. His lips wrapped around your earlobe, his teeth grazing the skin as he sucked tenderly.

“Let’s leave, come home with me,” Harry groaned, his voice husky. His hand was splayed against the curve of your ass, his bulge starting to stiffen against your core. Being so close to him for the first time that evening felt like heaven, but you were far too conscious of the amount of people around you. Still, you instinctively turned your head, giving him access to kiss along your neck.

“This is your party, H,” you reminded him, familiar butterflies taking flight within your core as his tongue flicked against your skin. As much as you wanted to give in to Harry, you couldn’t be responsible for taking him away from his own celebration, so many people here for him.

But each movement of his tongue tightened the knot in your core, your walls aching for his touch. His voice, muffled against your skin, whispered, “I know, love. But y’look so fuckin’ good.“

You let out a soft moan as his lips trailed higher, his teeth grazing lightly along your jawline. The pleasure was almost agonising, you couldn’t help arching your back, craving more of his touch. The warmth of his breath against your skin sent shivers down your spine, the strong scent of spirits mixed with his aftershave, almost enough to put you in a trance.

Harry’s voice was filled with desire, continuing to coax you into surrendering to him. “Can’t help myself, princess. Not when y’look like that,” he murmured, your breath hitching as his lips finally found your mouth, his movements soft yet desperate. His tongue danced around yours, exploring every corner of your mouth as though trying to memorise each taste and sensation.

You gripped onto his shoulders, your fingers digging into the fabric of his shirt, desperately trying to ground yourself. “I want you,” Harry panted as he pulled away, his lips swollen and breath ragged.

You were totally lost in him, your chest heaving as Harry stared deep into your eyes, searching for any sign that he’d convinced you enough.

“That is quite enough of that.” A voice came from behind you, startling you both out of your moment of serenity. You jumped away from Harry to see Anne giving you both the once-over, a hint of amusement dancing across her face. “You,” she pointed at Harry, “keep your tongue where it belongs. You,” she was grabbing a hold of your forearm, “with me.”

You could feel a blush creeping up your cheeks as Anne whisked you away, consumed by the long forgotten teenage embarrassment of being caught kissing by a parent. “Sorry,” you cringed, unable to meet her eyes. “It’s only a little kiss, love. I just wanted to help you escape him before anyone else saw,” Anne smiled.

“Oh,” you giggled, relief washing over you. With all the sneaking around, you sometimes had to remind yourself that you weren’t actually a disobedient teenager, waiting to be caught after sneaking a boy into your room.

Anne took you to meet her friends properly, the women she referred to as Harry’s other mums. They were exactly as Gemma had described, the exact same personality that your mum had, the stereotypical welcoming British mum. They told you countless stories of a younger Harry - the cheeky little boy who was always trying to make everyone laugh, to the teenager who took every opportunity to sing in his bedroom. It was always weird to you, knowing so much already about someone who was still new to you. Thankfully, everyone in Harry’s life seemed to accept that you’d been a (deranged) fan of his before you started dating. As he’d told you many times, it would be borderline impossible to date someone who had no idea who he was. Unless he dated babies or old ladies, and he’d been very clear that he didn’t fancy dating either of them.

“How did you two meet?” one of Anne’s friends had asked. It may have only been a month ago, but this was already your favourite story to tell. “In a Starbucks,” you confessed, cheeks tinged pink at the memory. “I was actually seeing him at Wembley, and we just happened to be in Starbucks at the same time. He asked me for a napkin and,” you shrugged, “we just hit it off from there.” Even the world’s strongest man couldn’t wipe the grin off your face at that moment. You loved to talk about your meet-cute, the way your heart caught in your throat at the sight of Harry’s rings, the way you ended up basically living with him for a week from that moment onwards. And yet, you couldn’t focus fully, still heated from your moment with Harry earlier.

His touch still lingered on your skin, warm tingles spreading across your waist where he’d pulled you into him. Anne’s friend grinned back at you, your feelings for Harry evident in the way you spoke about him. “Sounds like fate,” she told you, rubbing a hand on Anne’s thigh. “Your little boy all grown up and in love,” she laughed.

You nodded, unable to hide the sparkle in your eyes as you thought about Harry. It really did feel like fate had bought you here, a higher power intervening to lead you to him. As the conversation continued, you couldn’t help but steal glances at Harry across the room. He was dancing with Jeff, and an unexpected guest - at least for you - James Corden. You knew they were friends, you’d watched Harry’s carpool karaoke and every other late late show segment an embarrassing number of times. But to see him here, genuinely friends with Harry was so bizarre to you. You’d never seen him drunk before, and it wasn’t too different from a puppy with the zoomies. His feet moving too fast for his body, his drink sloshing around the glass as he threw his arms around anyone who caught his eye. He just radiated pure happiness, the very definition of a golden retriever boyfriend.

Harry’s eyes met yours as you watched him, the green of his irises darkening the longer his gaze rested on you. You blew him a kiss, laughing as he mimed catching it and pressing it to his lips. It was insane how someone so sexually driven could be so fucking cute. If you met him for the very first time while he was being sweet, you’d never expect what he could do to you in bed. And if you met him for the very first time in bed, you’d never expect how loving he could be. And now you were thinking of him in bed and getting yourself all worked up again.

“I’m just going to nip to the toilet,” you told Anne, signalling your head towards the corner of the room. You purposely walked behind Harry, trailing a light hand across his lower back to grab his attention, sauntering away without a glance back. You didn’t have to look to know he’d be following you. He caught up to you as you reached the entrance of the toilets, grabbing a hold of your hips with his bulge pressed firmly against your lower back.

“Didn’t think you could get away without me, did you?” he slurred against your ear, guiding you towards the cubicle at the end of the corridor. “Harry, babe, I got your attention so that you’d follow me.”

He laughed, locking the door behind him as one hand trailed up your torso. “Knew you couldn’t resist me,” he smirked, eyes landing on your tits as you turned to face him.

“Was doing fine until you played dirty,” you told him, tangling a hand in the curls at the nape of his neck. He pulled you close to him, his mouth lingering dangerously close to yours. All he could think about was ruining you, having you begging for mercy as he shot streams of his hot cum into you, finally fucking something other than his fist. But he couldn’t do any of that here, couldn’t fuck you the way he needed to in a bathroom stall. “I like playing dirty,” he whispered, crashing his lips against yours. He walked you backwards, hands moving to unzip your dress as his tongue danced around your mouth.

He pulled away to help you out of your dress, his cock twitching as you stepped out of it, left in only your tiny thong and heels. “Fucking hell,” Harry groaned, one hand tracing the curve of your waist as he looked you up and down. Your lips were swollen from his kiss, eyes hazy as you watched him undo his trousers. The second his cock sprung out of his pants you reached for it, desperate to feel it again after so long. Harry grabbed your hand, tangling his fingers in yours, denying you a touch. “Can’t fuck you the way I want to here,” he whispered. “Just need you to stand there and look pretty f’me.”

You nodded, swallowing thickly as he began to stroke his cock. You needed to come, but you didn’t want to spoil your appetite for him. So if Harry needed you to stand and watch him, a starter before your well-earned main course, you were more than happy to. “So fuckin’ beautiful,” he groaned, gripping onto your hip with his free hand. He knew he wasn’t going to last long, he never did with you involved, each stroke only making his core tighten more.

He looked fucking hot. His hair messy, sweat glistening on his neck as he stroked the sweet cock that you’d missed so dearly. Precum was gathering on his tip, his rings clashing together as he grunted and groaned, blown-out pupils fixed on your body. You couldn’t hold in the pants and moans that were forming in your throat, your core on fire as you watched Harry bring himself closer to his climax.

“Turn around,” he drawled, pushing your back down as his tip bumped against your ass, your eyes glued to him in the mirror. He pulled your thong to the side, pushing his fingers inside of your entrance. “Gonna- fuck-” he panted, no time to get you stretched out for his cock before his orgasm started to creep up on him. You shuffled your feet outwards, resting your elbows down on the countertop so he could enter you. He pushed into you quickly, the burn pulling a deep cry from inside of you. “Come, baby,” you pleaded, mouth locked open as your walls closed around him. Harry shot his cum into you, sighs of relief tumbling out of both of your mouths to finally feel your cores connected again, finally have his thick cum deep inside of you.

He stilled, rubbing his hands across your asscheeks, dizzy from the sensation of being deep in you.

The moment was quickly broken by someone banging on the door, and Harry jumped back, the sudden absence of his cock making you a little sad. “Occupied,” he called out, buttoning up his trousers before picking up your dress. “Bastards,” he smirked, bending down behind you to help you back into your clothes. He pressed a kiss to the bottom of your asscheek, moving your panties back over to cover your mound.

“Can’t leave together,” Harry said as his shaky hands did up your zip, still dazed from his orgasm.

“Go,” you told him, pressing a final kiss to his lips. “Need to touch up my makeup anyway.”

—

You could hear Harry’s voice booming over the music as you left the toilets, the rest of the party fallen silent. “Here she is!” he slurred as you came around the corner. Harry was standing on a table, a microphone in his hand as he addressed the crowd gathered in front of him. He reached out a beckoning finger to you, motioning for you to come over. You could hardly reject him in front of all of these eyes, let alone with that cheesy grin calling out to you. “This is Y/N, and f’anybody who doesn’t know, she’s my future wife,” he beamed as you got closer.

He giggled into the microphone, jumping down off of the table on unsteady legs. Harry’s audience clapped at his words, a few drunken cheers erupting. “Louder!” he demanded, “everyone cheer for Y/N!”

He had far too much power with a microphone in his hands, you thought to yourself as he wrapped an arm tight around your shoulders, pressing a kiss to your temple. You knew you were blushing wildly, not at all used to being in the spotlight. You rested your head on his shoulder, hoping it would somehow obscure you from view. “Seriously,” Harry continued, his goofy grin not budging as he glanced down at you, “this woman is the joy of my life. And you’re all close seconds. Thank you f’coming out to celebrate me, the band and everyone who’s worked on this tour. Roll on Saturday!”

He dropped the microphone onto the table behind him, moving his hand to cup your cheek before pressing his lips to yours, harder this time. The rest of the party had started to disperse around the room again, but now it didn’t matter if anyone saw. You were kissing Harry, properly kissing him, in public, and there was very little that could bring you down from that high. As he pulled away, Harry sat back on the table, pulling you to stand between his legs. “M’ so proud of you,” you whispered, brushing your fingertips across his cheek. He was looking deep in your eyes, his stare laced with something deeper than the affection he’d shown you before. “I love y-”, he started, his words cut off when you slapped a hand over his mouth. “Nuh uh, not letting you say it when you’re drunk,” you laughed, snarling at him as he tried to pull your hand away. When he finally managed, he pinned your hands to your sides, turning you around in his arms until your back was flush with his chest.

“A drunken mind speaks sober thoughts,” he chuckled, peppering soft kisses down your shoulder. You could have exploded, physically exploded in that moment. “Harry,” you warned, unable to wipe the smile from your face. He pressed his lips close to your ear, his warm breath washing over the side of your face. “I love you,” he whispered, grinning at you as you craned your neck to face him. “I love you,” you replied, heart hammering against your ribcage as the words finally came out. “Can I take you home now?” Harry smirked, his fingers dancing across your waist. “Please,” you whispered, taking his hand in yours.

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[rippersz]

Pillow Promises

—————

—————

(A Reader x Jan Stevens Oneshot) (Fluffy, tiniest bit Angsty, tiniest bit toxic, good ending)

—————

The room is bathed in a soft pink and orange glow; keeping the pleasurable haze alive and real.

Your heart still pounds from earlier activities, only slowing when Jan nuzzles closer and puts her satin-covered head on your shoulder. The dull point of one bunny ear brushes against your neck, wedged between you and the bed’s headboard, and you force down a shiver at the ticklish feeling.

She’s so close and warm it’s a wonder how you haven’t fallen asleep yet. The book in your hands isn’t even that interesting - not when she’s next to you. Looking as sweet as she is, cheeks still flushed with blush and mouth still stained with lipstick. You got up after to grab a washcloth and clean the two of you off, but she took it for herself and insisted she do it on her own. She didn’t do a very good job, but that was fine. Jan Stevens, for as put together as she is, doesn’t really mind mess. Not when it can be tidied. And washed.

Though if you could keep the evidence of your eroticism on your body forever, you would. The lipstick, the sweat, the stains and the sex, all of it - you’d keep it all.

But you can’t.

So you relax into the pillow behind you with a soft sigh and listen to her breathing while the tiny words on the page take you somewhere else. Jan is probably reading too you think, so you linger on each page before turning - allowing her to catch up even if she’s not really paying attention.

When she speaks a few minutes later, you realize there’s definitely been something else on her mind.

“Why don’t you move into my room permanently? For the rest of the session?” Her voice is smooth honey in your ear, only slightly hoarse from her earlier moaning, but it’s tinged with hesitation. Worry. A soft placating tone like she’s coaxing you into it but isn’t sure if you’ll agree or not.

But that’s silly. Of course you’ll agree. It’s nearly a bloody honor if not exactly that.

“Uh ye-yes. Yeah. Sure. If you... want me to?” The nervousness is normal around your lover - you’ve learned to deal with it - but still, you ask. Even though she proposed the idea. Moving into her room was a big thing. And the session was nearly over anyway. The group would go on tour and you’d be released back into the wild, your pockets heavier with cash, and a new fresh view on life. On cooking. On sound in general.

So there’s no harm, is there?

No.

No, you’ll stay for the remainder of everything and then you’ll… leave. Somehow. Someway. You’ll leave.

You’ll do as the rest will do and pack your few belongings and say goodbye to the doctor and the tech assistant and the gardeners and the rich people and the caterers themselves and then finally, to Jan Stevens. You’ll say goodbye and you’ll leave her. Her and her beautiful room and her strange bunny pajamas and her fascinating way of speaking and her interesting understanding and misunderstanding of art. You’ll leave behind her dark eye makeup and her fashion sense and the click of her heels and the swinging pendulum of her emotions and you’ll leave behind all of the million fires she lights in you.

You’ll do that.

And you’ll be fine.

How? You don’t know. You don’t know at all. But you’ll be fine. Everything will be fine. You just have to enjoy what you have as you have it - and what you have right now is a wonderful one-of-a-kind woman, a Jan Stevens, sitting up and looking at you with a wide awed smile and sparkling eyes. Excitement is spelled across her handsome face. Sometimes you forget you can kiss her in moments like these.

“Yes,” she says, her hands reaching up to glide the book out of your fingers and push it onto the floor on her side of the bed, not bothering to save your place (and not really caring either) as she grasps your palms. “Yes! Yes, I want you to. Why else would I ask, silly thing?” And she likes to call you that. Silly thing, pretty thing, dumb little thing, darling thing. Always her thing. Always her little pet.

It’s a tiny bit concerning- how much sway she has over you- but when she’s clenching your hands in her own and intertwining your fingers and getting so close that the tips of your noses nearly touch, you can’t really help but find yourself falling even more. All for her, naturally. A Jan Stevens devotee. It’s kind of cute. And she seems to love it, and it doesn’t hurt you, so why should you mind? You’re not one of the caterers; your relationship doesn’t affect their art. They can play with their sounds and their food and you can play with your employer and everybody wins. Especially when you get to return to the warm comfort of her bed every night, safe from the cold brisk air of autumn and in lovely company while she explains the different aspects of her art degree with you.

It’s a very real form of Nirvana. And you’re so lucky to have it.

Her big smile makes you shy - and you find yourself looking away, past her shoulder, before bringing her closer by your connected hands and pressing your forehead into the crook of her neck.

“I dunno,” you reply, muffled and content, while she squeezes your palms in a comforting rhythm. “How long have you been thinking about asking me?” You don’t talk about feelings all that often, but you know Jan well enough to understand that she allows uncertantities to ruminate within her thoughts. For far too long. So asking is only a polite way of reminding her that she can be open with you - as that’s the best way to keep things healthy.

But whether or not she cares for healthy is something you have yet to figure out.

“Since that first night,” Jan breathes, successfully distracting you when she lets your hands slide away and replaces her empty palms with the soft strands of your hair. “I kept wishing you’d come earlier - but I know we agreed you had to wait until they fell asleep.”

You nod into her shoulder, taking a moment to breathe deeply and swim happily in the tender scent of her fresh laundry and floral cologne as you soak in her words. Since that first night. How long ago was that? Only a few weeks. Every evening since, you’ve been sneaking across the lawn and entering through the back door; greeting her in the hall with a sinful smile mirrored on both of your faces. It’s an exhilarating feeling, sneaking about like that, but being invited to her room, to stay there, would make things easier. You wouldn’t have to worry about waking anyone, or rushing out in the morning. You could even stay for breakfast with her….. you could even eat at the table in the kitchen and talk about whatever dreams you had the night before.

A wistful smile draws across your lips.

“…it’ll be nice,” Jan continues, soft and gentle. “We can spend more time here without worries. For as long as we want.”

You give her another nod, and try to ignore the tiniest trip of your heart. As long as we want.

Oh if only that were the case.

If only you could stay forever.

But if Jan didn’t wish it, it wouldn’t happen. No matter how much you longed for it. No matter how many nights you spent awake next to her, listening to her soft breaths, feeling the way she kicks in her sleep, your dreaming wouldn’t pay off. Jan Stevens calls the shots. And you’re just the pet who listens. The pet who yearns.

Though really…. Really you can’t help yourself. Really you can’t control what you feel. Really you can’t stop your own body from betraying you as your lips fall open and your tone speaks into the soft fabric of her pajamas and says

“As long as we want?”

It’s so soft, so barely there, that you figure she may not have heard it.

But despite her ears being covered, she knows. She hears. And so the gentle stroking hand in your hair slows, and you try not to resist the urge to pull back and stumble out of the bed and run far far away.

“I-” she starts, then stops, and you’re too busy trying to control your own heart and hide in the space of her neck that you can’t notice the surprised expression on her face. You sound hopeful. Why do you sound hopeful? Do you mean… do you… no. Well. Maybe? Jan blinks, then resumes the playing of your hair. “…The session ends in two weeks. What are your plans?”

To stay, I hope.

“I don’t know.” You don’t mean to sound so desperate and lost, but it’s the truth. You can probably get some good money off of the book that you’re writing about the Institute, and that’s just on the side of the journalism that got you into the gig in the first place. So you do have options - but none of them include the plush comfort of Jan Stevens’s body. And that’s a shame. What a shitty future. You can’t imagine finding any true happiness there; sparing the moments in which you think about Jan of course. Most thoughts about her bring you happiness.

The dull warning of being domesticated rings out like a siren in the back of your mind, but you leave it be. Domestication and devotion are sometimes good. They certainly feel that way.

Jan starts to push pieces of hair back behind your ears - and you take a moment to distract yourself and return the gentle affection by reaching up to one of the floppy ears by her head and playing with the loose fabric. An amused smile pulls at her stained lips, but her eyes are trained on the side of your face. Oddly vulnerable and oddly open and suddenly you think that maybe somehow your dream will come true.

And the gods must hear you.

“Well you don’t have to tour with them,” she murmurs.

You nod.

“You’re right. I don’t.”

“Mm. And the Institute’s been looking for an official documenter for some time now…”

That’s true. It has been. Even since before her, the owners through the years have tried time and time again to find someone to stay for records sake - in a similar fashion to the doctor. Someone who can handle the… oddities. And the changing personalities and the recruitment process and the pressure and the rules and now, above all else, the intensity that was Jan Stevens. Someone who can listen and obey and be utterly loyal, which is not like the doctor, but is instead one of Jan’s personal preferences. You’ve tried for so long not to allow yourself to even dream of getting that position; surely sleeping with the boss wasn’t a good idea for such a long term commitment. But no. Jan almost seems to… disagree?

You nod again, slow and unsure of where she’s going with this.

“That is… also true.”

“Mhm,” she hums, “and I can also do with some… daily excitement.” On that note, the hand in your hair tightens- and your head is suddenly being wrenched back. You meet smoldering blue eyes and stained lips and bunny ears and beauty beauty beauty oh so handsome beauty. Her breath warms your face you’re so close. “Can’t you?” Jan coos.

“Y-yes. I can do with- yes,” you agree, a little lost because your brain’s fizzled out in the face of her brazen mood. But she doesn’t seem to mind - and instead, she grins.

“So is that a yes?”

You blink.

“A yes?”

“You’ll stay?”

Oh.

Oh!

Jan is looking at you as though you’ve just told her she’ll never have to be lonely again. Which, honestly, in much fewer words, you have.

She’s told you in the past, on lust-drunk nights in the dark, that she doesn’t like loneliness. That the orgies are unentertaining and that at least one other lover in the past ruined her hopes and dreams of having anyone at all. Being as she is doesn’t really help either. She understands she’s eclectic. Not everyone’s cup of scalding hot tea. But at the same time, she meets caterers who could understand her. Who could love her. If only she wasn’t the boss. If only they wanted to love her more than their careers.

Do you love her more than your career?

Your eyes trace the lines of her face, right up to each curved edge of the satin bunny costume. Over the hills of her cheeks and tiny flaws in her lips and deep black of her eyeshadow and proud bridge of her nose and you find… you find… you find………

…you find her smile to be beautiful.

And worth seeing.

Each day.

Everyday.

For as long as she’ll have you.

Whether that’s for the rest of your lives or less.

“Yes,” you say, “yes, of course I’ll stay with you Jan Stevens.”

—————

Digging my claws into fluff so no one thinks I’m a heartless deranged animal who can only write smut and angst (even though that is the very truth) - Rip x

—————

[enha-sua]

( 𝓗eadcannons ) confessions ̨ ! ୨୧ 一 이희승 & 박성훈 ՞

⸃ ⸰ ⌁ how they both confessed to sua ヾ

time ・ november & december 2022 p. sua ・ heehoon ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ g ・ angst , fluff ‎ ‎ ‎ cw ・ none ‎ wc ・ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎| ‎ sua choosing them both

「 ୨୧ authors note 」

「 heesuhoon's love story masterlist 𖹭 」

「 heeseung - circa: november 2022 」

heeseung knew he was gonna confess , it was just a matter of when , and when the time was right — turns out there's never really a right time and that he just had to go for it.

he wasn't even planning on confessing to sua; it wasn't even an ideal time for her , they were on the last leg of their japanese tour , and she had sustained an injury that left her chair bound for the remainder of the tour. not only that , she had been missing her family like crazy — it had been almost three years since she seen them , her parents unable to visit korea because of scheduling , her sister being the only family in korea but she was always busy too. so safe to say she wasn't having the best couple of months.

but she had heeseung; heeseung was like a rock for her , always there for her to lean on and talk to when she needed it , they were close but this made them closer.

it was the last day of the tour , the show had ended and she was helped off the stage , and into the dressing room where she waited to be escorted to her car to be taken back to the hotel. the boys decided to go out and do their own thing for the last night there since they'd leave in the early morning — sua decided she didn't feel like going out , and was just gonna stay in , knowing she'd just sour the mood.

heeseung joined them for a bit before deciding to go back to the hotel and turn in , but not before checking in on you. he made his way to your room , making sure to text you to let you know he was coming. "sua?" he knocked on the door. "coming." he heard her voice through the door , before it opened up. "oh , come in."

"did you eat something?" she nodded , limping back to the bed. "i ate on live with engenes." he smiled , not matter how she as feel , she always made it a point to interact with fans. "you need to rest , you seemed tired today on stage." he said. "oppa , im always tired , a little bit of sleep isn't gonna change that." he frowned hearing her say that. "im fine." she said. "you're here."

hearing that made his heart flutter , everything she did made the boy's heart flutter. he sat down on the chair in front of the bed , leaning down to zip up the opened suitcase. "thank you." she said. "you didn't have to come back here , everyone is having fun and you're up here."

he could only chuckle at how clueless the girl was , and how clueless she had been for the past 2 years. "what?" she asked. "after 2 years is it really still that hard?" he said. "is what still hard?" he shook his head , if there was a time it would be now. "that i like you." the room was silent , the two staring at each other , sua with wide eyes. "me? you like me?" she asked , the boy nodded. "i do." he said. "yah , you're really clueless aren't you?" he teased. "it's been two years."

"you told me this at the worst time you know that right?" he nodded. "i did didn't i?" he was glad it was finally out there. "but i hope it doesn't mean that it's a no." she reached over , putting her hand on his knee. "it's not a no , i do like you oppa." she said. "but i need time okay?" she said. "there's so much to think about and i want to go into this clear headed." he nodded , standing up. "i understand." he said wrapping his arms around her waist , kissing her forehead. "but don't keep me waiting for too long okay?" she nodded. "i won't." he caressed her cheek. "now get some rest." he left that night , a little happy , but also nervous —

because he knew he was the only one that liked the girl and his confession could cause problems within the group.

「 sunghoon - circa: december 2022 」

he knew when heeseung confessed the girl , it was like a shift, heeseung was 10xs more clingy and attentive to her. sunghoon was understandably upset; the girl he liked basically was off the market. be began to distance himself , which translated on to screen , not that he meant it , but fans could definitely tell something was up with him and the girl.

not only the fans noticed , of course sua noticed , it was like he did a complete 180; he went from wanting to hang out all the time , to only answering with minimum responses , he didn't even bother to act interested when they filmed together, just doing his job and going about his day.

jungwon couldn't let this go on for too long , people were starting to notice and it needed to be nipped in the bud before it became a scandal they couldn't ignore. "both of you need to talk it out and figure this out , im serious , whatever happened , fix it."

sua didn't know what she did wrong , but all she knew was that she missed her best friend. "did i do something wrong?" seeing her face in such a saddened state made the boy feel bad. "if i did something wrong then just tell me so i can fix it." she replayed every scenario in his head trying to see where she went wrong."

"it's not you." he said. "i just need time." the girl was confused. "time for what , what did I do why are you so mad at me?" she asked. "I'm not mad at you." he said , he was mad at himself for not being faster than heeseung. "then what's wrong?" she kept pushing , determined to get an answer out of him. "just say it , i promise you can talk to me about anything."

"i like you." he just let it slip. "and i can't talk to you about it because i know you like heeseung , and i can live with that." he said , she was a little taken back by the confession , not because of the confession itself , but because it was the second one in almost a month. "see this is what i was afraid of." he said. "upsetting you." she stopped the boy from leaving. "I'm not upset with you , just a little confused." she said. "that's all."

much like she told heeseung , she could always feel a little something for him. "i just didn't think anything of it you know , like it was a crush like jungwon had , that it would go away." knowing this information it felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest — unfortunately a new one was placed on hers. two guys that obviously had feelings for her and she had for them , what was she gonna do?

she sat them both down separately , explaining to them the situation. "i need time." she said. "to figure this out alright , and what to do." she didn't want to hurt either of them. "i promise i won't leave any of you hanging."

the boys didn't have a choice but to wait for her , it was awkward for them , they were all aware of what happened , but they had to pretend that everything was alright — when in reality things weren't alright; sua hated love triangles and they knew that , so they couldn't imagine the stress she was under. but the two boys also couldn't help but wonder ...

how was this gonna end? and who would she choose? was she even gonna choose either of them?

©ENHA-SUA

[herejusttosufferalong]

Alright, I’ve been an Italy truther for a long time, but I’ve had to readjust my thinking after the live tonight. I am now pretty firm in the fact that they were together in some capacity by the beginning of 2023 (if not a little earlier). There are too many things lining up that don’t point anywhere else. I think L was fully in, but N kept things more at an arms length. She has said she’s cynical about love and honestly I think she was also probably scared by the magnitude of it. My guess is she hid behind her busy schedule filming both Bridgerton and Big Mood and L starting TSOTs as an excuse to keep things more casual. Honestly, I think L getting on Raya and his HBS is more reactionary to this than anything else. It seems like a big game of chicken that went horribly wrong on both sides. N wanted to keep things more casual and al tried to call her bluff.

I think the final straw for a was the Emily Bear incident. She was in too deep and had a glimpse at the negativity and how all of this could hurt their careers which seems like an absolute deal breaker to her. It was also just a smack in the face even though she wouldn’t commit herself. The play is the last time they saw each other before they parted ways. They made sure to do it as friends so as not to affect their working partnership and because they both really love each other.

L was devastated and just dove headfirst into HBS and quickly after him and N parted ways, he met A. She was fun and easy and fit in with his friends. And, maybe most importantly, was the complete opposite of N. He kept it mostly to himself and when him and N checked in and chatted, he never told her he had met one person, just that he was dating. Then the NYE kiss he never intended to get out was broadcast everywhere. This kind of picks up where I originally had thought which is that the early tour weirdness was based on this.

I think what we say Valentines Day on was N and L back together and on a good page thinking they could go forward as friends. They thought they’d found their equilibrium. They were wrong. Bowral showed them how wrong they were. Everything came rushing back once they were out traveling together and spending so much time. L might’ve been upset that N was trying so hard to act like everything was totally fine. I think the Italy convo was more a hashing out of what N was really feeling in 2023 vs what she had previously communicated. Hence why we get them progressively getting loved up and happy the remainder of the tour. I think post Brazil, L and A had a talk that he was still mulling over the rest of the tour.

In Galway, post premiere, when he may or may not have stayed the weekend with her and her family, they had a convo and L told N he was in a relationship with A and he needed to see that through. My guess this was fueled partly by guilt towards A, partly him having real feelings for A (not like he has for N though) and partly cause he was rejected by N previously and was still hurt and also a little reluctant to go down that road again knowing how devastated he was the first time.

N being the strong, badass that she is took it in stride even though she was totally heartbroken. She started to harden her heart back up which is why we see her reacting a little less to L (or trying at times) when they were back in London. I think they both were emotional for different reasons at the London premiere, but they still found comfort in each other cause no matter what, the absolutely love each other and again reaffirmed they will stay friends no matter what.

N has totally softened and begun to believe in love because of L (😭), but totally understands where he is at which is why she has supported him even in light of pap gate. She’s heartbroken, but hopeful in a way she never had been before.

Cut to the video JVN posted of her signing along to T Swift’s Enchanted…

🎶please don’t be in love with someone else…

There is a lot to consider here anon

Thank you for sharing 💜

Also adding in your follow up ask below 👇

“I just sent in an essay length ask about previously being an Italy truther, but I wanted to add something….I’ve always thought it was weird that L brought A to some stops at the beginning (Jan/feb) of the press tour and I think if he was feeling insecure about his relationship with N, it would make total sense for him to bring her as a safety blanket. I’m not saying he’s madly in love or anything, but I think she’s easy. If he was stressed about his dynamic with N, then having an excuse to retreat to something/someone simple would be nice. I think that’s also part of why we maybe didn’t see her later in the tour. Yes, they were busy, but he didn’t need her or want her there anymore.”

[living-lucid-dream]

Blind Pico AU, anyone?

Fun fact: the first time I played FNF, I thought Pico was supposed to be blind. After all, he was the only character in the original release of the game who had blank eyes. Of course it didn't take long before I learned why his eyes were drawn that way and I felt like a doofus over the misunderstanding...but the idea stubbornly lingered in my head, growing into a real monster of an AU. And now that AU refuses to stay caged up in the confines of my head like a good little (bad) idea, so allow me to present to you:

The Blind Pico AU

Set after the events of Weekend 1, the AU primarily focuses on Pico as he heals and attempts to uncover the culprits behind a brutal assault that left him blind. Also featuring:

Boyfriend's meteoric rise to fame!

The RGB polycule!

Lots of HURT (with plenty of COMFORT!)

Red herrings galore!

If any of this sounds like your cuppa, take a peek under the "Read More" because this post is going to be LONG

The action starts at the kickoff concert for Mommy Mearest's new tour. Girlfriend has sneaked Boyfriend backstage and the two are milling around, enjoying the excitement when Pico (who is working security with Nene and Darnell) finds them. He tells them that Daddy Dearest sent him to tell Boyfriend to scram. Boyfriend asks if Pico is going to kick him out and Pico says, "No. He just sent me to tell you to leave, so as far as I'm concerned, my job is done."

Boyfriend says he and Girlfriend have something important they need to tell Pico--but before he is able to say anything more, the event manager walks by and he is IRATE. As it turns out, the opening act for Mearest has just backed out, and Mearest is refusing to perform without an opener.

Girlfriend pipes up, saying Boyfriend can be the opening act. The event manager is skeptical at first, but one of his assistants recognizes Boyfriend as "that dude who ROASTED Dearest a couple of months ago" and insists that "this guy is legit!" With no other options, the manager reluctantly agrees to have Boyfriend fill in.

Boyfriend and Girlfriend are totally ecstatic and are about to rush off to prepare when Pico reminds them that they were going to tell him "something important." Girlfriend says it's something that shouldn't be rushed and that they'll tell him at the after-party. Boyfriend ends up being a smash hit and the event goes without a hitch.

After the concert, Pico reports to Dearest to get the pay for himself, Darnell, and Nene...but Dearest refuses to pay up. When Pico demands to know why, Dearest responds that his wife is utterly PISSED that Boyfriend was her opening act and that that would never have happened if Pico had done his job properly. Pico tries to argue that Mearest wouldn't have had an opening act at all if Boyfriend hadn't been there, but Dearest isn't having it. He sends Pico on his way with a threat that he will report Pico & friends' more unsavory services to the police is Pico keeps hassling him.

Pico returns to Darnell and Nene to find them talking about how Cyril (Cyclops from Pico's School) has just been released from prison. They are debating whether they should "pay him a little visit" or leave him be when they realize that Pico has returned empty-handed.

Predictably, they are furious with Pico when he admits that his refusal to kick Boyfriend out is the reason they won't be getting paid. After a brief shouting match, they storm off, leaving Pico alone backstage with a few straggling stage hands who are passing around beers and packing away equipment.

One of the stagehands, having seen the argument, offers Pico a beer, which Pico accepts.

At the after-party, the atmosphere is wild. The Dearests have bought out a super-exclusive club for the remainder of the night and the music is loud, the dance floor is packed, and drinks (and other, less-legal indulgences) are flowing free. Boyfriend and Girlfriend spend most of the evening trying to find Pico--to no avail. After several hours, they finally conclude that he must have gone home, as clubbing isn't really his thing.

Around 3 am, the party is beginning to wind down. Since it's so late, Girlfriend insists that Dearest let Boyfriend ride home with them and spend the night ("On the couch, of course, Daddy!") Dearest Does Not Like this suggestion, but ultimately relents, as he is exhausted and doesn't feel like having BOTH of the women in his life angry with him.

The next morning, Dearest gets a call from the studio that manages Mearest. They want Boyfriend to open for Mearest on ALL of her Philidelphia concerts and are interested in having him record a single (and possibly a full album)--but they don't know how to reach him. Dearest is horrified by this turn of events, but thinking quickly, he tells them that he is acting as Boyfriend's agent and that he'll work something out.

As he's ending the call, he catches Boyfriend and Girlfriend trying to sneak past him to go out for the day together. He stops them to tell Boyfriend the good news and tells Boyfriend he's willing to be his agent (for a cut of Boyfriend's earnings, of course). Dearest makes this sound like quite the favor, insisting that he "knows all the ins and outs" of the music industry and that he knows how to make sure nobody takes advantage of Boyfriend's talent. Boyfriend and Girlfriend are both insanely excited by this turn of events and Boyfriend agrees to Dearest's terms on the spot.

As they are about to leave the house, Boyfriend's phone rings. The screen says the call is from Pico--but the person on the other end of the line is not Pico. It's a medical physician's assistant (PA) from the hospital.

The PA explains that they have a John Doe who was brought in the previous night with this cell phone on his person. Seeing Boyfriend in the contact list, they assumed he was the patient's significant other. Boyfriend doesn't bother to correct them--he's too shocked. He asks the PA what happened and if Pico is alright. The PA asks if he can come to the hospital to make a positive identification before they divulge any more information.

Boyfriend and Girlfriend rush to the hospital and are greeted by the same PA who called Boyfriend. She takes them to Pico's room in the ICU and they are shocked by how horrible he looks: he is unconscious, with one arm in a cast, a tube in his chest, ANOTHER tube down his throat, and his eyes covered with bandages.

They tell the PA who Pico is and demand to know what happened to him. The PA asks if Pico has any family they need to contact. Boyfriend tells her no (Pico's mom is dead and he and his dad are estranged). The PA asks if Boyfriend will be Pico's contact person, at least until Pico is able make his own decisions again. Boyfriend agrees and the PA tells him everything they know:

Pico was found unconscious early in the morning. He'd been drugged, restrained, and beaten, ending up with a laundry list of serious injuries including broken ribs, a partially collapsed lung, a broken arm, and severe internal bleeding. He'd also had something (they aren't sure what, but they think it was drain cleaner) poured into his eyes, resulting in serious chemical burns.

Girlfriend and Boyfriend are aghast and ask the PA if Pico is going to be OK. The PA tells him that Pico is stable at the moment, but that he's not out of the woods yet and that he will have a long recovery ahead of him.

Then Girlfriend asks the question Boyfriend can't stand to think about: "Is Pico going to be able to see again?" The PA tells them that with the extent of the damage to his eyes, Pico will likely be blind for the rest of his life...

Next part

Whew. And that is just the setup/background. I'll post the rest if anyone is interested in hearing more (or even if you're not!) Feel free to ask questions--though be advised I might not answer if it spoils the rest of the AU.

[the1975attheirverybest]

BEING FUNNY IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE

Warnings: smut, pretentious SATVB commentary, also SATVB spoilers.

read all other chapters here

Chapter 2– “I’m in love with you- I -I - I -I-“

As Amelia rounded the corner, peeking through the glass windows of the hotel lobby, she spotted a familiar head of hair and reflexively smiled to herself. She’d know these curls anywhere.

“Hey, you,” she called out to him as she walked in, Matty’s head turning around at the sound of her voice. “What’re you doing, awake, and…” she scanned his table, noticing the drink in front of him, “drinking — alone, apparently, at this hour?”

“Couldn’t sleep.” He shrugged, eyeing her from head to toe. “What about you? You look like you had a fun night.”

Amelia smiled, recalling tonight’s activities with a flutter in her stomach, “Yeah, I was out with-”

“Your boy-toy?” Matty’s tone was unintentionally critical.

She chuckled, throwing herself into the chair next to him. “He’s…not my boy-toy.” Her objection was weak and more amused than defensive.

“Well, whatever he is, he’s not a gentleman. What, he let you go home, alone, on your own, at 2 in the morning?” Matty scuffed, as if waving him off. “you want me to buy you a drink, by the way?”

“No, it’s okay, I’d rather share yours.” she reached for his glass, taking a sip. “For your information, he invited me to stay the night. Insisted, even. But I didn’t want to.”

“Is that right?”

“Staying over after sex….it just feels serious. This is not meant to be serious.”

“My, my, my!” Matty gestured dramatically, “How the tides have turned.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“I’ve taught you well.” He giggled despite himself. “Mousy, inexperienced Amelia is all grown up now.” He placed a hand on his heart, faking sentimentalism. “I could burst with pride.” He was bursting with something else.

She rolled her eyes, holding back a smile, “piss off.”

When Matty stretched his hand out to reclaim his drink from her, Amelia noticed the notepad, with various scraps of paper sticking out of it, that had been tucked underneath his forearms.

“What’s all this?” she pulled the notepad towards her side of the table.

“Oh, it’s not much. just been trying to write a new bit for the show.”

“Oh?”

“So, part of the plan for this tour is,” he took a big swig of his drink, “that I’d sort of- like- add or tweak it every now and then. You know, to keep things fresh and unexpected.”

She nodded along as he spoke, recalling a conversation they’d had when he first started planning the show. He’d talked about how important it was for him that the show be responding to the audience in real time. A way to get around the repetitiveness of the performance, and the idea of people seeing it online.

“And? What’d you come up with?” She flipped through the pages, reading his scribbles.

“Nothing. I can’t seem to come up with anything.

Brain feels…..both full and empty at the same time.”

She heard the tone of defeat in his voice and looked up at him, not saying anything. He offered her the remainder of his drink, which she accepted.

Matty watched her read his unfinished drafts and fragmented sentences. The words felt heavy in his mouth. He wanted to say them. To free himself. To finally let her know. His lips parted, ‘just say it,’he thought to himself. No words came out. ‘Just fuckin say it. Just tell her.’ He waited a moment, hoping the urge to confess would pass, but it didn’t. He needs to just get it over with. Worry about the consequences later. He’s a grown adult. He’s going to tell her how he feels.

“Amelia-“

“Do you have any cigarettes left on you? I’m in the mood for a smoke.” She didn’t seem to notice that she’d cut him off.

“Oh.” He uttered. The sinking feeling overwhelmed him.

“Well? Do you?”

“Do- I…what?”

“Have any cigs left? Matty, are you listening?” She blinked rapidly.

“Oh- oh, yeah. I do. I do have some left.” He struggled to come back to his body for a moment. Slowly, his hands felt around his pockets. “You wanna go outside for a smoke?” He eventually rose to his feet. “C’mon, let’s go.”

****

“So,” Matty looked at her as she blew the smoke into the cold air of the night. “You and your….boy-toy-“

“Joshua.”

“His name is Joshua?” A smirk twitched on his lips. “That’s a slutty name.”

She giggled, amused. “What the fuck’s a slutty name?”

“Joshua!”

“No, like, how can a name be slutty?” She threw her cigarette bud to the ground and stepped on it with the heel of her shoe. “Cold.” She mumbled. “Can I have a cuddle?”

Matty did not hesitate to throw his arm around her and pull her into his side, hiding her under his leather jacket.

She wrapped her arms around his torso. “You’re warm.” Sighing contentedly and already feeling his body heat spread to hers. “What is it about me and Joshua?” She suddenly recalled that he’d started to say something.

“You were saying earlier….you’re not serious.”

“We’re not.” She rested her cheek against his body. “Plus, we’re leaving for the east coast soon anyway, right?”

Matty nodded.

“Yeah, so I won’t see him again after that.”

He remained silent for a while, taking her words in. He couldn’t help but be delighted. Should he try again tell her now? Should he wait until Joshua is old news first? What would she prefer, if she could choose? How can he make this perfect for her? “You’re freezing. Let’s go upstairs, yeah?”

“What a fine idea.”

***

“You’re exhausted, aren’t you?” Amelia sat next to him on the bed and reached out her hand to stroke his cheek.

He closed his eyes, leaning into her touch. He felt the cold metal of the rings on her fingers against his face and the scent of cigarettes lingered on her skin. “You’ve been asking me that every time you’ve seen me.”

“When's the last time that you had a full nights sleep?” She asked, her tone suggesting that she already knew the answer.

“What’s a full nights sleep?” He quipped.

With her face so close to his, Matty’s eyes studied her features, admiring her beauty. Her pretty eyes, the smudged, faded lipstick on her lips. He thought about how the smudge had happened. How, earlier in the night, her lips might have looked different. He hadn’t caught her before she’d gone out to meet Joshua. But he imagined the color sitting perfectly within the lining of her lips. Until another man’s lips had kissed hers. A man that wasn’t him. Had she let him touch her the way that she let Matty so often do? Had his fingers traced her skin? Had he made her feel good? Was she wet for him before he’d even undressed her? Did he make her weak? Had he heard her whine and beg? Had she been vulnerable for him? Did Joshua know that she preferred it when a little pain was delivered with her pleasure? A slight tug on her hair. An ever so slightly rough squeeze of her neck…had he learned her body? Had his name died on her lips, interrupted by her moan as she’d cum for him? Would Matty taste the remnants of someone else on her lips if he could kiss her now? Was it all the same? Just sex? Just pleasure, regardless of the source?

Did Joshua know how she liked her head scratched afterwards? Were they intimate enough for him to notice how shy she gets after the orgasmic high subsides and she feels naked and exposed? Does he rush to cover her up and shower her with praise as he had done, countless times before.

Amelia watched the darkness creep onto Matty’s face, as if suddenly visited by a waking nightmare.

“Matty, are you alright?”

Her gentle voice calmed his racing mind, pulling his thoughts away. He nodded. “Y-yeah.”

“You’re worried about the show, aren’t you?”

The show. Sure, that’s what he’s worried about. She’s not entirely wrong. The future of the tour weighed heavily on his shoulders. Not at this exact moment, though. “Yeah- the…show.” He mumbled.

She kicked off her shoes, climbing into his bed and making herself comfortable. Matty’s body ached for her.

“C’mon.” She patted the empty space next to her, urging him to join.

They each laid on their sides, facing each other, noses almost touching.

“So, tell me what you have in mind.” She smiled and his heart skipped a beat.

“Tell you what?”

“Isn’t that why you’re paying me? To help stage the show?”

“Right…yeah. The show! Yes! Of course…well, erm.” He cleared his throat. “I think we keep the naked body double—“

“Peanut. He has a name! Please.”

Matty laughed.

“How’d you like it if we all started referring to you as the clothed body double?”

“Fair argument….alright. So, I think we keep the Peanut bit. It’s kinda dramatic enough on its own. And it’s open-ended enough for me to, like, improvise as I go, you know? Like I don’t have to do the exact same bit every night. I can pretty much engage with it-“

“Him.”

“Engage with him in any way I like. Depending on what I’m in the mood for.”

She nodded. “Yeah, that’s true….I like that. It’s clever. So, what’s the problem then?”

“The problem is the other bit. The weight lifting and smoking and stuff.”

“Okay…” she was quiet for a moment. Matty found himself getting lost in her eyes, his heart beating to the rhythm of her blinking. “Well, let me ask you this: what’d you write it about?”

“Well it’s commentary on the old show, right? The raw meat eating ‘I’m a man’ stuff. But it’s also….a healthier version of that. So, it’s double edged like that.”

She nodded.

“I guess it’s just….well, part of the criticism that I’m meant to be responding to is that I took the performance bit too far, right?”

“Mhm.”

“I don’t think I’m addressing that adequately by shirtlessly lifting weights.”

Matty watched Amelia frown, deep in thought. She shuffled spring in bed, sitting up and propping up the pillow behind her back to rest against the headboard. His eyebrows shot up to keep track of her. He shifted to lay on his back and felt small next to her.

“Have you thought about reflecting the inadequacy of your response within the response itself?” She spoke after giving it some thought. “Like saying something to the audience about it even as you’re doing it?”

“Like commenting on the commentary?” Matty asked. “That’s meta.” He giggled. “Very matty-coded. I like it.”

She chuckled “matty-coded? God, you’re hot.”

“I am? I mean, yeah, I am, but-“

“I hate that I have a thing for men with big brains it’s so cliche.” She bristled, judging herself.

“I DO have a big brain, you’re right.”

“Get your head out of the gutter. I was actually referring to your brain, nothing else.”

“Oh. What a shame.”

“Don’t say it.” She commanded, looking down at him knowingly.

“I have literally said nothing.”

“I know you. You’re thinking about making a joke about how you have two heads. One up here, and one down there.”

Matty giggled, rolling his eyes. “I was not thinking about that.” He was. He so was. And he found it attractive that she could read him that well.

“Does it bother you that people thought you took the performance bit too far?”

Matty was taken aback by the question. Perhaps it was the abrupt change of subject, or just the fact that he was sleep deprived, and perpetually on the verge of telling her how he feels, but he felt a mix of emotions bubble to the surface. He remained quiet for a long time, contemplating his answer. The longer he thought about it, the more emotional he became.

“I’d love to say ‘no’ but yeah. Yes it bothers me.” He sighed loudly. “It didn’t at first. And to be fair, not all criticisms are valid. There are some objectively stupid tales.” He kept his eyes fixed on the ceiling as he spoke. “And those don’t bother me. I just— I expect Twitter to have something to say no matter what I do or say. That’s sort of a— an occupational hazard at this point. I guess what bothers me most is….people thinking that I did any of it maliciously, you know?”

She heard a faint strain in his voice and sensed that she’d hit a sore spot. “Matty—“

“Like some actually think that I set out to do this with the intention of hurting people.” He exhaled, blinking rapidly to keep from crying. “The concept of punching down in comedy….it’s just….it’s not great. And- I guess you could argue that - I did do that. To some extent?”

“Yeah, and you’re not a comedian. So there’s not really that context either.”

“I disagree.” The statement echoed for a long moment. “I do. I really disagree with you about that.” A few stray tears managed to roll down his face but he ignored them and carried on. “ I don’t think I’m a comedian like in a professional comic kind of way. I’m not like….fuckin Bo Burnham. But I think I’ve set up the persona as a bit of a jokester. Or at least I thought I had. I guess it came out of nowhere for some people.”

“It came off stage.” She corrected him.

“Right. But- metaphorically speaking everything’s a stage.” He gestured vaguely with his hands. “Well, you know what I mean. You’ve heard me say this before. About…..like social media being a performance and all that.” He shrugged. “Anyway, and then- then all that other shit happened and….I guess I’m public enemy number one now.”

“I’m so sorry-“

“It’s fine. It’s whatever.”

“Don’t say that-“

“No, no. I mean it. It’s fine. Like, this isn’t about feeling sorry for myself. I don’t ever want the show to become that.”

Amelia looked him straight in the eyes. “The show doesn’t have to become about that. But you’re allowed to feel however you feel.”

“It’s….I just need to man up and deal with it.” He shifted back to lay on his side again, his arms reaching upwards and wrapping around her, he buried his face into her waist, letting the rest of his tears flow.

***

Matty awoke in a panic. Suddenly jolting in bed and looking around him through squinted eyes as he sat up. “What happened?” He mumbled, his voice heavy with sleep. He noticed that he was in nothing but his boxers. His jeans were folded across the chair on the other side of the room. His shirt was draped over Amelia’s shoulders as she stood by the foot of the bed, sipping on what smelled like coffee.

“Mornin.’” She spoke into her beverage. “Bad dream?”

He nodded. “What time is it?”

“ it’s only 7 am. Go back to sleep.”

“Fuck. Shit. Fuck.” His head hit the pillow again. “I’ve gotta meet Ross at the hotel gym in a bit.”

“I’m sure he’d understand if you canceled just this once.” Amelia made her way towards the hotel coffee machine, rummaging through the complimentary supplies to make him some coffee.

“I figured it out.” He spoke over the sound of the machine, “I’m taking out the weight lifting bit. I’ll replace it with a speech. But it’s going to be funny. I’ll have to write something today. You and Tobias can help me figure out where I should be, onstage, when I deliver it. For lights and shit.”

“Is that what your dream was about?” She picked up his mug, walking over to his side of the bed.

“No. No. My dream was….much more terrifying.”

“You wanna talk about it?” She handed him the mug.

“Not really. Id rather forget about it.” He took a sip and hummed in satisfaction.

“Oh I know how to help you forget.” She whispered into his ear.

“Oh?”

“Have you decided whether or not you want sex yet?”

He stared through her, blankly. Nows not the time to say I love you.

With his eyes still fixed on her, he set his drink down on the nightstand, then he leaned forth and kissed her, wrapping both of his strong arms around her waist and pulling her on top of him.

She yelped, loudly, laughing and reveling in the kisses that he’d peppered her body with. Fuck, she’d missed him. He had a certain unforgettable touch that satiated her, yet always left her wanting more.

“Hold on tight for me, darling.” He whispered from underneath her.

She hovered over him, her hands gripping the headboard tightly, knowing it was necessary, and bracing herself. Matty lined his lips with her center, licking his mouth hungrily.

“You ready?”

“Yes, god yes.”

“What I like to hear.”

She gasped, breathless as she felt his tongue lick into her. Mouthing a silent “fuck yeah” up at the ceiling. His mouth was just as perfect as she’d remembered and replayed in her fantasies. He knew exactly how to move, he’d taken pains to learn the pace that worked best for her, and he took his time working her up: going slow at first, giving her time to adjust, making sure she’s comfortable before dialing up. He relished in the fact that he could tell how great she was feeling by the rocking of the headboard. As the sound of it hitting the wall intensified, so did his mouth, licking, sucking. His newly grown out facial hair grazing the insides of her legs, a new sensation she hadn’t experienced before.

She felt ( and heard) her own wetness covering Matty’s lips, dripping down his chin. He let none of it stop him. He delighted in it, in fact. Took it as a clear indication that he was doing his job right. He loved opening his eyes, seeing her breasts right there in front of him and had to fight the urge to reach over for a quick feel. As tempted as he was, he much preferred keeping his arms wrapped around her, both, for safety, and to keep her in place whenever she tried to squirm away, feeling too sensitive. He knew he’d gotten her right where she wanted when she began to shake and whine.

“Ple-please. Matty- please— I feel- you’re so- please?”

He waited for her to look down, locking eyes with him, then, without pulling his mouth away from her, he nodded, mumbling a “cum for me.”

Matty smiled when he felt her thighs clamp down around his head. She moved faster, carelessly, bouncing up and down, riding his tongue, and screaming out his name.

His grip around her tightened when she let go of the headboard, catching her as she collapsed on top of him.

The sounds of their heavy breathing filled the room.

“Yum.” Matty made sure to add into the heavy silence, making her blush and turn to hide her face in the sheets.

He rolled over to pull her away from the bed and free her beautiful, blushing face. “Pretty sure the entire floor knows my name now. So much for my ‘Adam Levine’ Alias.” He gloated.

“Stopppp. That’s not funnyyy.” She whined, hiding in the crook of his neck.

“Sorry, sorry. I forget you get weirdly shy after doing obscenely sexy things.”

He peeled her off of him, his fingers tilting her chin up. “Hi. Good morning.” He couldn’t help the grin on his face. “Kiss?”

“Can taste myself on you.”

“Don’t you taste amazing?” Matty reached for his lukewarm coffee. “Could put you in my coffee and drink you up.”

“Gross.” She rolled her eyes. “Wait,” she took his mug away as soon as it touched his lips. “Wanna ride you.”

“Uhh…what?”

“Who’s shy now?” She shot up an eyebrow as she set the mug back where it was.

“N-no. Not shy. Just….the last time we did that…well….”

“I cried and hid in the bathroom. I know. But I wanna try again.”

“Are you- sure?”

“Wouldn’t be literally asking for it if I wasn’t.”

“Fair enough- I guess.”

Matty’s body stiffened, head to toe, as soon as she moved to remove his briefs. She felt him tense up.

“You alright?”

“Mhm.”

“Matty, don’t worry. I’m fine. I promise this is fine.”

“Yeah, umm…yeah. It’s fine.”

She studied his face silently for a beat. “So….can I go ahead?”

“I- guess. Yeah…yeah, go on. Do it.”

Amelia was stunned to look down at Matty’s lap and find herself face to face with his flaccid penis.

“Uhh, Matty-“

“Don’t- I know- it’s fine.”

“Uhhu. So you keep saying. But I’m looking at it and- well, it’s not fine. Hey, no big deal! You’re not in the mood right now. You don’t have to be. I guess I just thought, after everything you just did-“

“I AM in the mood. I promise!”

“Does the rest of your body know?”

“It…knows.

“The dick doesn’t lie, Matty.”

He rolled his eyes.

“Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood.”

“Well, I’m not in the mood for that right this second.”

“Yeah, no kidding.” She nodded at his lap. “Sorry! Sorry! I think- I think I reflexively make jokes when I’m uncomfortable. I didn’t mean to-“

“Go to therapy, Amelia! Stop making dick jokes.”

“Soft dick jokes….okay, that wasn’t nice but I’ll let it slide cuz you’re having a crisis of masculinity right now.”

Matty pulled his briefs back up. “I am not!”

“I’m not saying that….that….failing to get it up — there I said it! Okay. We’re all adults here it’s fine! Except I guess Matty Jr. over there cuz he’s refusing to grow but…oh my god someone stop me!!!l” she got off the bed, pacing around the room and avoiding looking into Matty’s eyes. Then, once her brows had stopped sweating she tried again.

“I’m just saying, Matty. Failing to maintain an erection is fine. It’s not some weird measure of manliness or whatever. But you make whole shows about being a man and….I guess I just wanna say that it happens. It’s fine.”

Matty turned around around to sit on the edge of the bed, his feet touching the ground. He found his cigarette packet on the nightstand and began to feel around for his lighter.

“Amelia?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you leave?”

“What? Why?! Are you mad at me? I was joking, Matty! I’m sorry-“

“No, no. I’m not mad. It’s just….please leave? I can’t look at you right now. Don’t want you to see me like this.”

“Oh, for fucks sakes! You’re such a primate. What, are you a wounded jungle animal going off on his own to die with dignity away from the pack? So, your dick can’t get hard so fuckin what? They have drugs for that shit now. Pop a pill and shut up!”

“Leave.” Matty walked over to his hotel room door, pulling it open.

“Unbelievable.”

***

Matty stood in the far corner of the venue, sipping his wine and wishing he were anywhere but this after party. He knew that as Frontman, it reflected well on everybody for him to be there and to put on a smile, especially since they were leaving the west coast in the morning. This would be his last chance to thank and celebrate some local people who helped put this show on for the past few weeks.

His mind, however, was elsewhere. He couldn’t tear his eyes off Amelia. And as he looked at her, his nightmare from the other night replayed in his head. He’d dreamt that he tried to tell her that he loves her, but every time that he would approach her, she’d get farther and farther away, until she’d disappeared. Marty’s never been a superstitious guy, but, something about that dream left a bad feeling in the back of his mind.

‘I’m in love with you.’ Just tell her. Go on. Go up to her. Look her in the eyes and say ‘Amelia, I’m in love with you.’ Do it before you lose the courage. He gulped down what was left of his drink and marched in her direction. She’d been saying goodbye to a venue worker who’d helped her out of a few backstage emergencies.

“Amelia?”

She turned around at the mention of her name. “Matty! Hi! Oh, god. I wasn’t sure…I mean, I’ve been keeping my distance cuz…you know. You kicked me out of your hotel room after not being able to- well, you know. But I just wanted to say.”

“Amelia, shut up.”

“Beg your fuckin pardon?”

“Sorry, I just mean, forget all that. I’ve got something to tell you.”

“Oh? Go on. What is it?”

“Well, it’s simple, really, I-“

Amelia felt someone tap her shoulder and turned around. It was Joshua. He leaned in and greeted her with a kiss.

“Hi, you.” Matty noticed her hand squeeze his shoulder. “What- what’re you doing here? Come to say goodbye?”

“Even better.” Joshua smiled at her. “Here to give you the good news in person. I’m tagging along! On tour, I mean. If you’ll have me.”

“What?!” Matty yelled out before he could stop himself.

Both of the couples heads whipped around staring at him.

“Sorry, pardon. Private moment. I shouldn’t intrude…I’ll just- walk…away.”

As he walked away, Matty thought, THIS must be his dream. His nightmare coming to life.

[imponderabillia]

David Sylvian - Perspectives (Polaroids 82-84)

”In the early part of 1982 I had, for numerous reasons, decided to take a rest from songwriting. This was to be the first break I had had since I’d started as a child at the age of 12. It was therefore not surprising that to relieve the subsequent frustration caused by this action, I turned to the only other creative outlet I’d known, and which had been my main preoccupation until my discovery of music, drawing.

The freshness brought on by this change, the naive pleasure of working and learning in a virtually unexplored area for me opened many doors.

Not least of which being my new found appreciation of the world of the arts. Drawings, paintings, sculpture, ceramics, a universe of creativity which had always been hidden from me, suddenly came to life. I had of course been aware of works by various famous artists before, but although I was able to appreciate a lot of what I had inadvertently seen, I had never felt anything emotionally from the work in the way that I could quite naturally feel from music.

Now all was changed. I first realised this whilst visiting a major exhibition by a painter living and working here in England, Frank Auerbach. The depth and intensity of emotion I experienced surpassed anything I had felt in music for a very long time, if at all. I explain this because through these and various other similar experiences my outlook on life and work changed (or maybe matured would be more appropriate) at quite a dramatic pace. In the midst of these changes came my first attempts at Polaroid montage.

It was during a visit to Hong Kong, one of the stops towards the end of a rather lengthy tour, that I first started working with Polaroid film. As was my routine throughout the tour, I would return to my hotel after the day’s performance and there I would stay for the remainder of the evening, reading and drawing sketches. On our arrival in Hong Kong we found ourselves with a day free. However, having been there fairly recently, and not having particularly enjoyed the place, I decided to spend the day at the hotel, and among other things write some letters and complete some rawings. By evening, having filled all the paper space available with notes and sketches and wishing to continue working on ideas formed while drawing, I turned to the only materials available to me at that time, the Polaroids. This is how it started and so it has continued since, constantly developing, trying to find different uses for the same materials, and when a new technique shows itself using it to the advantage of creating interesting photographs/pictures. I feel I must point out that although looking back I know there were other artists working with Polaroids in the same, or similar areas as myself (most notable of these being D. Hockney), at this time (the remaining months of ’82) I was working totally by means of self-discovery as I had no other possible guides. I gradually became more aware of the work of others towards the middle of ’83. Sometimes consciously (and I hope with humour) I place references in my work to that of others.

Prior to my work with the SX-70, my interest in photography was to be found in areas of concept and design. I never intended or expected to become personally involved in photography, indeed even now my knowledge of the practical side of the art is extremely limited. For this reason and also because of the nature of the work I do, I would not begin to think of myself as a photographer. I have far too much respect for the people who spend a large part of their lives working with the camera (Brassai, Kertesz, Riboud, Benton, McBean and Ray) and who give true meaning to the word.

I do not see the work in this book as an end in itself. Essentially I believe that there are only a handful of pictures I have produced which transcend the techniques used and show a possibility of standing up to time. The remainder are either very personal pictures and ‘or show and explore germs of ideas which may be followed up in the future by work in other mediums.

My experimenting with Polaroids is about at an end. Although I’m still working with the techniques I’ve developed in an attempt to produce pictures of a more lasting quality. I’ll soon be turning my interests to new areas, using, along with new ideas, the more valuable I have learnt from working with Polaroids."

[breelandwalker]

Grouchy Coworker Update:

We had a vacancy elsewhere in the department, so Grouchy Coworker (who has complained at least once a week since the move that she deserves her own office space - and she's correct, she has the seniority, they should have given her one) moved to the open spot. She now has her own office but she left a bunch of her stuff in our shared space and has been going back and forth for the past week, getting things as needed. When I asked, she said she'd move things over when she had time. Shrug.

So TODAY....

Me: Okay, there's a LOT of noise today and there are building tours this week (for some reason), so I'm going to close my office door to minimize the disruption to my workflow.

Grouchy Coworker: Well, Boss Lady won't like that.

Me. I have the Please Knock sign up and I already emailed to let her know. Besides, other people in our suite close their doors all the time, and for the same reasons.

Grouchy: Well, it needs to be open.

Me: ........Why? (Unspoken: Why are you so obsessed with whether the door is open to an office YOU NO LONGER OCCUPY? And it's not like it's locked, it's just CLOSED.)

Grouchy: Well, I need to come in and get my stuff today.

Me: Okay, when would you like to come by? Do you want help moving things?

Grouchy: I don't know, I'll come by when I have time. And I don't need your help.

-Cut to Mid-Morning-

Other Coworker: Okay, I gotta do systems work for a couple hours, so I'll be off the phones.

Me: Gotcha. I've got an urgent request I have to get done and the tours are starting, so I'm gonna close my door so I can focus and I may be slow to pick up. GC, can you cover?

Grouchy: BUT I HAVE TO PICK UP MY STUFF!

Me: ....Right now?

Grouchy: YES, RIGHT NOW. -barges into my office, wedges the door open, and proceeds to remove the remainder of her stuff, banging cabinet handles and doors loudly in a way that feels deliberate, while I try to handle incoming calls and complete the work request-

Grouchy: Okay, that's everything. But the door should stay open, just in case there's something else I need.

Me: If you need something, get it now, because I have to get this done in the next thirty minutes and I cannot have any more interruptions.

Grouchy: -rolls her eyes and goes back to her new space, leaving my door open-

Me: -goes and closes it-

-The phones proceed to ring off the hook for the next hour and Grouchy isn't picking up, forcing me to continually interrupt my workflow to get the calls.-

Me: GC, are you logged in? The system is showing that you're not on the line.

Grouchy: I'm logged in, my phone isn't ringing. (This is the standard excuse she gives when she doesn't feel like answering the phones and Boss Lady isn't around to make her.)

Me: Make sure your ringer is turned up and check for calls if you hear them ring at Other Coworker's desk. We need the coverage, we're both swamped.

Grouchy: Well I'm going to lunch soon anyway....

Me: .........It's 11 o'clock. And we are understaffed. And there are time-sensitive projects that need finishing which are now late because of all the interruptions. Please. Answer. The Phone.

Grouchy: -doesn't answer my email, but I'm sure she's at her desk grumbling about how unprofessional I am-

[lady-october]

Pairing : Oli Sykes x Female Assistant Genre : Romance, Smut (18+ Only) Previous Chapters : Available on Ao3

Story Content : Smut, Drama, Choking, Power dynamics, Romance, Rough sex, Sadism/Masochism, Dom/Sub, Mentions of addiction & self harm, Degradation, Praise kink, Exhibitionism, Orgasm denial, Breath play, Dirty talk.

Summary :

“Don’t you see what a dangerous game you’re playing? Why did you have to look so fucking delicious tonight, I couldn’t stop undressing you in my mind, thinking of all the twisted things I want to do to you.” She had only worked on the touring team for three weeks, but her mind had been hijacked by dirty thoughts of a man she barely even talked to. Sure, he was very attractive, but were there other reasons she was so uncontrollably drawn to him? This is a filthy story of pain, self discovery, and love.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Chapter 21: Did my back hurt your knife?

Chapter title is lyrics from "R.i.p"

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Her smile

Filled with sharp teeth, ready to bite

Nails digging into my scalp, pushing me down

Keeping me beneath the surface as I gasp, as I drown

The last of my breath leaving my lungs

Dancing and weaving through the water above

The surface; it twists and it bends

Warping the monster that fucks with my head

I thrash and I fight, but it’s never enough; I am but a pawn in her story

My monarch, my goddess, my puppet master in all of her glory

Should I let her win, should I simply give in – let the peace of death consume me?

Hair red as flame, eyes black as tar

In hell, we shall meet again my dear friend

I awoke with a gasp, momentarily confused.

It didn’t take long for my mind to catch up with reality; for me to realise it had only been another nightmare. My heart on the other hand still hadn’t gotten the messaging – thumping with the heavy beat of fear, of survival.

Letting out a long breath, I relaxed back into my pillow.

Same old, same old.

Tensing, my brows furrowed.

Actually, no, not same old; this particular dream had been about Fay – someone I hadn’t dreamt about since I met Alice. In fact, the nightmares about Fay had come to a screeching halt the very same day Alice joined the tour. For about a week after, my dreams had been quite palatable – pleasant even. All about Alice, of course, but it didn’t take long until they descended back into madness; until Alice was haunting me – hunting me – every night, coming up with new and exciting ways to impale, shred, or incinerate me.

Looking over at the beautiful woman beside me I felt quite sad she was no longer in my arms. At some point she must have rolled over in her sleep, rolled away from me.

I sighed.

No, my mind had never been kind to me, and it was hard to tell if it was crueller at night or during the waking hours. Because while the nightmares were gruesome and violent, at least they didn’t play tricks on me – feed my insecurities, or expect me to stay sober while my thoughts eat me alive.

Or expect me to not act on all my impulses. 

Like punching Mat square in his fucking face for putting his lips on my Alice.

Yet, I would never actually do that, knowing full well it’s my own fault they’re dating.

Reaching over to the bedside table, I grabbed my phone; it was only around midnight, meaning I couldn't have slept for very long after we drifted off – after telling Alice about mine and Mat’s history, and about me and Fay. Which would explain her sudden and unwelcome appearance in my dreams.

My mind began racing, feeling torn. I wanted to wrap my arms around Alice and simply enjoy her company for the remainder of the night, but I was all too aware of the fact that Mat would still be awake at this hour – knowing I really do need to talk to him.

Before I knew it my legs were moving, pushing themselves into some sweatpants. 

After slipping a random shirt over my head I was out the door, staring at the polished brass numbers on Mat’s door, feeling suddenly nervous. 15 they read – a completely arbitrary number, but I could see my eyes in the reflection of them, staring back at me, causing disgust to build in my chest; disgust over the reasons I needed to talk to Mat at all; disgust over proudly flaunting that I’d fucked the girl first this time.

But mainly I felt disgust over how poorly I was handling my emotions, particularly in regards to how jealous I was – how selfish I was – when it came to Alice. 

Yes, I know she’s not mine, still I can’t seem to help myself – can’t seem to stop acting like some feral animal, pissing all over their territory.

Shaking myself mentally, I let my fist connect with the rich wood of the door.

It didn’t take long before it swung open with a robed Mat appearing behind it, the scent of alcohol thick in the air.

He squinted at me, clearly confused. Or maybe even unhappy to see me.

“Can I come in?”

Wordlessly, he stepped to the side, gesturing for me to join him in the dimly lit room.

Shutting the door, he stalked over and sat down on the floor next to the bed, leaning against the mattress in order to stare out into the night through the floor to ceiling windows in front of him. 

He also had a view of the lake, his room only a couple of doors over from mine.

I decided to join him on the floor, noticing the half empty whiskey bottle next to him along with a couple of snack containers.

To my surprise he spoke as soon as I’d gotten comfortable, before I had a chance to.

“I should’ve been more apprehensive about asking her out, or even cancelled earlier today as soon as you told me you were going out with her. But the truth is I think I got a crush on her a while back, and now I hate how much I want to spend more time with her.”

A heavy feeling settled in me, weighing me down. Faint whispers of self hatred brushing against my ear, trying to convince me everyone’s better off without me.

His gaze flickered to mine, “Don’t worry, I won’t. Not now, not after you’ve slept with her.”

I felt myself start to chuckle at his statement, “Since when has that stopped you?”

“You know when.” He muttered, before taking a swig off of the bottle that was now in his hand.

“Since Fay.” I said, feeling my pulse speed up as I pried open the box we’d thoroughly nailed and welded shut a long time ago.

Surprised eyes shot back to me, “Yeah, since… Fay.” He frowned, watching me closely to see what I would do after uttering the previously forbidden word in front of me for the first time in almost a year, “I’m happy you’re not reacting like last time I said her name, would get expensive in an establishment like this.”

I laughed, feeling both amusement and shame over having smashed one of his windows while I was recovering at his place – as well as his TV. Thankfully Mat just smiled at me, obviously feeling some type of relief over the fact that I was ready to say her name again. That – while slow – I was actually healing.

Well… in some ways anyway.

Mat's smile quickly turned sour, his thoughts returning to the current situation, “I can’t do it again Oli, she’s all yours. I’m just gonna stay away, lick my wounds and move on.”

I watched him take another swig, clearly upset, and I caught myself wondering if I only wanted him to pursue Alice for my sake, for my peace of mind – to test Alice, see what she would do.

To see if she’d fail me, just like Fay did.

“Hate to say it but has that ever worked for us, the staying away bit?”

I truly am scum.

“Not like there’s other options.” He mumbled distantly, his eyes remaining on the view.

“We can let her pick.”

I felt like the daftest person alive for continuing this. I could simply tell him now how much I feel for Alice, how tangled up my emotions and thoughts are about her – that yes, he should stay away so I can continue working on Alice’s commitment issues and hopefully come out on top.

He scoffed, “Yeah cause that went so great with Fay– also hasn’t Alice already picked, let me guess; she’s in your room right now, no?”

“Alice isn’t Fay.” I said, realising I meant it – realising that I actually did have some faith in Alice, that maybe I was building some trust in her after all, “Besides, she likes you.”

That was unnecessary.

One of his eyebrows raised, “She told you that?”

“Not in so many words, but yeah.”

He huffed out a breath, “She’s an odd one.”

“No arguments there.”

He leaned further into the mattress behind him, “So, to summarize, we’re already fucked; it’s already morphed into yet another love triangle?”

I swallowed, “Seems that way.”

“Record speed that.” Shaking his head, he eyed me up, “Will you be alright?”

“Yeah I’ll be fine.” Somewhere along the way the lies came easier.

It crossed my mind that this was eerily similar to how my last two relapses began; with the small untruths growing larger, snowballing into massive, monstrous lies.

I should be worried, I should want to break the pattern before I spiral further.

But instead I found comfort in it, wanting to spiral out of control, knowing where that leads.

Knowing the relief it will bring.

More self loathing filled me like foul sludge, settling in my gut as I felt a sense of acceptance wash over me; this is who I am as a person, and I can never escape it.

So why even bother fighting it?

“Can I have some of that?” I heard myself say as I reached for Mat’s bottle, taking it out of his hand to down several large gulps, attempting to ward off my intrusive thoughts.

Mat was frowning at me as I drank, coming to his own conclusions about what was going through my head, “You caught some feelings for the bird too then?”

You can say that.

“Yeah.” I breathed as the amber liquid warmed my throat.

The laugh that came from Mat was borderline hysteric, “We go on one bloody date with her, and here we are – right back to square one… Absolutely fucking ridiculous.” He took the bottle back off of me in order to also down a questionable amount – and suddenly the bottle was done for. 

Sure, it was one date, but we’d both been around her for a month now, watching her, wanting her, being enthralled by whatever spell she’d put on us.

At least I’d had the privilege of fucking her brains out the past week.

After Mat tossed the empty bottle to the side, we sat in silence for a long moment.

He’s got a crush on her.

My heart was tearing in half, sharp talons of fear scraping all along my back.

She’s interested in him, attracted to him.

Yet numbness was wrapping around me like a warm and cosy blanket on a cold winter's night.

I was also confused, not quite sure how my intentions had turned so selfish, so manipulative.

I fucking hate myself.

“You’ve been acting differently lately, and I can’t tell if that’s good or bad, but bring me back into the loop when you can, yeah?”

His words startled me, coming out of nowhere in our deep silence.

“This tour’s just a bit longer than usual, I’m knackered.” 

More lies.

Pushing myself back to my feet, some of the numbness momentarily released, letting guilt and worry crawl back under my skin.

“Will you be alright?” I asked the sprawled, defeated looking man on the floor in front of me.

The smile he gave me wasn’t convincing, “Yeah of course, I always bounce back.”

I sucked on my teeth, wanting to scream – wanting so badly to do better than this, but not knowing how right now.

Not while I was falling apart myself.

“Alright. See you tomorrow then.” Is all I said, like the fucking prick I am, before I stalked off.

“Turn off the light, will you?”

“Sure.” I flicked the lightswitch next to the exit.

“Ta, mate.”

The moment the door latched shut behind me, my hands started to shake from the bone deep disappointment I felt in myself.

I looked towards my room, where my dear, sweet Alice was sleeping, willing my feet to move in its direction. I wanted so badly to just disappear in her comfort, but I couldn’t do it, couldn’t allow myself that peace, that joy.

Instead I walked the opposite direction, through the fire exit, ascending the steps to the rooftop that I had so lovingly planned out for us. Laying down, I covered myself in several blankets, the night's chill having crept in during the several hours we haven’t been here. My eyes quickly settled on the smiley in the sky that Alice had pointed out right before our date derailed, and I wanted to cry, to mourn the hopes and dreams I had for us.

It was as if we were destined to fail, the universe working against us at every turn, like I couldn’t seem to make a single good decision when it came to her.

Or maybe we were just too broken, like chipped teacups; our sharp edges cutting each other as we drank.

Whatever the reason for everything turning to shit, I couldn’t stand it.

Images from my dream began to flicker in my mind's eye, of Fay’s face hovering over mine as she tried to drown me, which led me to do something I hadn’t allowed myself to do in a very long time.

Fishing the phone out of my pocket, I started scrolling down my list of messages. I scrolled and I scrolled, for quite some time, as the chat I was searching for had been pushed far down the list by now, until the name of the devil herself appeared on my screen.

I paused, knowing how hard it had been for me to stop reading our chat log several times a day, not wanting to fall back into old habits.

I’m already knee deep in old habits, I might as well dive right in.

As soon as I opened the chat my emotions from months ago came bubbling up. They weren’t sharp and all-consuming like they were back then, but I still felt a duller version of them, the cousin of their pure form.

Most of them were negative, but somewhere in there I could defect positive emotions as well. Not love by any means, but some part of me still cared about her, still didn’t want her dead, and still – for some unknown reason – wished things could have turned out differently for us.

“Fay: Please pick up”

“Fay: I’ve never loved anyone like I love you”

“Fay: I’m so fucking sorry please”

“Fay: Please answer”

There were so many messages like this – 43 to be exact, pleading, begging me to hear her out, to forgive her. I would stare at them, feeling the full range of emotions they elicited – be pushed to get high from them – but I never responded.

The messages kept coming for months, and when I thought they’d finally stopped, another one came through, breaking my heart all over again.

“Fay: How am I supposed to live my life without my best friend?”

And then the final one, a week later, which is where they came to an end.

“Fay: I will always love you with my entire being, and I will always be just a phone call away, so never hesitate to reach out. Remember that soulmates are eternal.”

The last sentence still felt like shackles around my ankles, despite having given up on the concept of soulmates by now. I almost bled out from the wounds she left me with, and now my heart is made entirely of scar tissue.

For the millionth time I considered deleting the chat history, to finally rid myself of this catalogued museum of pain, but as I stared at the delete button the unthinkable happened.

“Ah, fuck.” I muttered as the phone connected with my face, having dropped it right on my nose while using it laying down. Fumbling to get a proper hold on it, I was struck with the sensation of falling backwards as I looked at the screen.

“Oli: Hi”

My heartbeat was pounding in my ears as realisation settled in.

Somewhere between dropping it and getting it back into my hands I must have accidentally pressed one of the auto response options.

I bolted upright into a sitting position.

“Fuck!”

My loud outburst caused a flock of birds to flee a nearby tree.

Instantly I began trying to unsend the message, hoping it would let me, but my phone started buzzing as I clutched it.

‘Incoming call: Fay’ It read

Instinctively I swiped it away, hating myself for never having been able to block her, but she was already typing.

“Fay: Oli, hi dear”

“Fay: I saw you in Vegas, you were incredible but you always are”

It was hard to wrap my head around the fact that she was still going to my shows – and why was she talking to me like we’re friends, like she never destroyed me?

She’s still obsessed with me.

I should be repulsed, I should feel unease at the fact that my ex was essentially still stalking me. Yet, for some inexplicable reason the thought brought me joy, made me feel special.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I heard the sound of the door opening behind me, and in my panicked state I shoved the phone under one of the pillows, hoping my shameful thoughts would be shoved away with it.

“Can I join you?”

Craning my neck, I saw Alice standing by the door, looking dishevelled and sleepy, rubbing her arms to stay warm.

My heart melted at the sight of her, easing me away from the mountain of unresolved issues hiding under the plush pillow next to me.

“Of course.” I responded under my breath, hoping I could force my pulse to settle before she nestled into me – hoping she wouldn’t notice the fucked up state I’m in.

The warmth of her against my body felt beyond incredible, reminding me further of what a piece of shit I am.

“Are you okay?” She whispered.

For a split second I considered being honest, not wanting to break the emotional and mental bond we’ve managed to establish so far. Wanting desperately to be open and honest with her around every corner, around every bend.

“Yeah, just another nightmare. Thought I’d come up here and enjoy the night some more.”

I felt myself being pulled further into the void, down the spiral that leads to all the wrong places and dead ends.

After a beat she asked a question she’d asked me before, one I wished I could have answered the first time, but we’d been interrupted.

“Want to tell me about them?”

She wanted to know more about the tender parts of me, to gently touch on my sore spots. I should be overjoyed, knowing that’s the path to the type of relationship I want with her, yet I couldn’t bring myself to go there right now.

“Can we talk about it another time? I just want to rest if that’s alright.”

The already deep disappointment I harboured within myself dug its nails in deeper still.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” 

She sounded so worried, clearly sensing my disconnect.

But there was nothing I could do tonight besides hold her close, and hope the comfort I was stealing from her would help me see tomorrow with more clarity.

... Subscribe to the story on Ao3 for future updates

[stoked2surf]

Okay so things have changed up some this week!

we were in town (Santa Teresa) and talking to one another about the current living situation and the work we were doing (or lack there of). we both jokingly mentioned just leaving and getting an airbnb in town if it was cheap!

the work we were doing was not work at all and it was not rewarding in any fashion. When we signed up for the work stay it was described to us that we would be doing a lot of farm work, brewery work, and building projects. but when the owner of the organization told us a week into our stay he would be leaving for 3 weeks to go to Israel we were pushed into doing mundane brainless work like sewing a big shade net, or by his request 6. now it seemed really weird as his wife/partner was gone too and we were left with the workers who stayed with us to be the lead of these tasks, but with none of them speaking english it was hard to direct us to do more complex tasks and that’s why the volunteers were pushed into seeing instead of what we were told originally. so we ended up not learning anything it really building anything until our last few days. but at that point we were so done with that place!

I’m not gonna trash on the place publicly but there were some things we were not happy about that we both felt didn’t meet the living standards adequately for human health.

so we found out the car guy would give us a full refund for the days we didn’t need the car for and instead we would use that money to get an airbnb in santa teresa for the remainder of our trip. we found a sweet little surf shack for only 35 dollars a night, what a score! we went into town saturday for a night at a different place because we had no other plans as the original plan was a bioluminescence tour but since it rains so much it wasn’t worth it. we grabbed a cheap airbnb with hot water and short walk to the beach and hung out for the night cooked dinner and watched a movie in a clean home for the first time in three weeks. now i’m all for cold showers in the heat but not having hot water to clean off sunscreen and mud or get soap out of hair is a real drag! i get that in some cultures it is the norm but since we are fair skinned gringos on the equator we need to cake on some zinc and that stuff needs warm water to get fully off the skin. now feeling clean for first time in almost a month we realized how deprived we were of comforts.

sunday we informed our friends are mangrove that we were leaving and heading out monday morning. we packed up and moved into our new home at noon.

it’s a surf shack at the northern end of santa teresa up a steep hillside. and i mean very steep! it’s about a 600 meter walk to the beach but 300 meters are a 45° incline. but we were warned by the host prior and honestly it’s not the worst it really makes that cold beer feel earned. the walk down is beautiful, in one of the photos you can see on the decent through the trees is a wonderful view of the oceans aqua green water meeting the horizon. yes i really get to see this every morning on my way to surf it’s so rad.

we spend our mornings making coffee and hitting the beach as soon as possible and i surf for a couple hours or more while Annagrace does yoga, reads, and sunbathes. Then we go home refuel and hydrate and hit town for an adventure to so shops or grocery stores.

In costa rica they have sodas which are outdoor covered places to eat for cheap. the food is locally sourced, fresh, and “typical” which is what they call the dishes locals eat. we stopped at one right down the hill and it was the most magnificent food i’ve had in a long time. and it was only ~$12 usd!!! It’s a large portion of rice beans and salad with whatever protein you choose along with plantains. I got mahi and it canes with 4 mahi steaks, fresh and locally sourced. thats insane.

we spend our afternoons reading over espresso at a local shop or walking the beach looking for seaglass. today we grabbed food walked some and heading home to chill out since we stayed on the beach extra long and got too much sun. the weather most of our time here had been sun and monsoons on and off but since we left and moved down to the beach its been full sun all day and rain at night, which is lovely on the tin roof for sleep!

we are living life and i am realizing that there is so much stoke in the world to find and such little time. where am i going next and how? is a question ive started asking myself pretty often… well just have to see because American “life” seems so mundane now.

[eastwindmlk]

Okay, votes are in and it seems that people want to see it posting sooner rather than later.

With little further ado:

Pairing: Lily/James

Setting: Modern muggle band AU!

Main tropes: Forced proximity, Marauders shenanigans, Idiots in Love

Summary:

As a favour to a friend, Lily took a job as tour manager for a growing local band: Mischief Managed. What she did not expect is that three years later she would still be travelling around with the merry band of troublemakers. While she had no problem dealing with the usual shenanigans, there was one member that seemed bound to making her life more difficult than it needed to be. James Potter, guitarist. With his stupidly charming smile, magnetic personality and endless parade of hook-ups that should leave her unbothered, but don’t is the bane of her existence. So why can’t she stay away from him?

Posting: Hopefully every Thursday

Snippet under the fold:

Doing a last check, the redhead pulled her hair out of her face, pinning the top portion back with a clip as she climbed up the stage and into the backstage hallway. This is where she found the three missing shirts and lost the remainder of her good mood. 

Because there he sat, the bane of her existence and guitarist of the band: James Potter; Currently showing off his musical skills while wearing a coat for giggling girls with wandering hands. All three were clad in nothing but the missing shirts and scanty underwear. 

She should have known. 

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Lily paused for a moment before turning around, still shaking her head. Having decided that the talk on loss prevention could wait. 

“You alright, Evans?” Lily did not need to turn around to know there was a smirk on his insufferable face, a stupid sparkle in his eyes as he honed in on his target. 

Lips pressing together for a moment, determined to not turn this into another argument. This meant she had a choice to make: She was either going to lie about it, a skill she had never bothered to master. Or she was going to use her passive-aggressive customer service tone on him? 

“Nothing, I just found my missing inventory. Shall I just write them off then? Or were you planning on paying for them?” Customer service voice it was then, turning around slowly with a fake smile plastered over her face. 

Sucking in a breath, the redhead fought the urge to gag when the coat giggled some more cooing as the pink-haired one grabbed his chin and kissed him full on the mouth. “You stole these for us? You’re such a bad boy.” 

The nausea was burned away by irritation, the corners of her lips twitching fighting the urge to look the way she felt. Hands wringing in front of her, not quite as satisfying as the idea of wrapping them around his throat, but it would have to do. 

“I am sorry ladies, it seems that I have upset the delicate sensitivities of our tour manager,” James placated, gently shrugging off the bodies draped over him. The smile on his face was almost apologetic.

 “Without whom this entire tour would be impossible,” She reminded him, arms crossing over her chest. 

“Naturally, I am sorry I did not mean to inconvenience you,” he nodded, making her think that she might have finally got somewhere with him. 

But no, because the moment he saw her self-satisfied look, his lips curved into a smirk. That smirk meant that he had an idea. Something that amused him, which usually meant trouble for her. 

[raindancer2004]

The Other Swan

Word Count: 7,440. Demetri x OC Swan. Part Four. Warning: Fluff & Angst

Heidi was bringing a new group of humans to the castle today for a tour and Danni was asked to stay in her room all day. Danni didn’t mind as the weather outside was overcast so it was perfect for a duvet day. She spent the morning drawing with the art supplies Esme had sent her; the afternoon reading and the evening watching movies on her laptop until she fell asleep. The King size bed always felt so much bigger to her when she slept in it alone, even the room seemed bigger when Demetri wasn’t there with her. She woke up on Demetri’s side of the bed noticing it still smelt like him days after he left.  

The following morning Josh came by and took Danni to the kitchen for breakfast and then escorted her to the gardens where they talked about different topics including what guard duty was like as Danni was curious. After having lunch outside, Josh took Danni back to her room as he was on duty for the remainder of the day.

A few days later Caius came to Demetri’s room “Morning Danni, I thought you might like to join me in my study for a history lesson?” “Morning Caius, I’d like that. Thank you” Caius held his arm out for Danni to take, which she did and they made their way to his study talking about what they’d had been up since they last spoke.

Once inside the study Caius and Danni took a seat on the sofa and he told her about the history of the Volturi and how they came to power after a near century long battle against the Romanians between 400 and 500AD. “Our purpose is to keep our existence hidden from the human world and we do that by tracking down and dealing with any vampires that break our laws which could lead to our existence being exposed. Where possible we hold a trial to ascertain their guilt but sometimes it is necessary for the problem to be dealt with immediately, especially if human attention has been drawn to the situation. Our rule is still effective after all this time” “Wow. I didn’t realise you guys had been around so long, nor how you came into power” Danni responded “Our three main laws are to maintain our secret, to kill inconspicuously and to not create immortal children” “What are immortal children?” She asked “Immortal children are children of a very young age that were changed into vampires but because of their young age they couldn’t be taught or restrained. They could destroy an entire village during a single tantrum. This caused humans to pay to attention to the devastation and we had to intervene. The punishment for creating an immortal child is to destroy the child and its creator. Luckily there have been no immortal children created for centuries” He replied “That makes sense, but why would anyone ever want an immortal child around?” She asked “I don’t know, I couldn’t think of anything worse personally” He replied. Danni couldn’t help laughing at this and Caius smiled at her.

“Can I ask you a question Caius?” “Of course child” “How come I am still human? After all I know your secret. I mean Bella has to be turned soon as per your instruction” She was curious “You are still human because you are living here with us in the castle so there is no way our secret can be exposed. Bella needs to be turned sooner rather than later because she has known about us for a while and the Cullens know that it is against the law for a human to know about us unless they are to be turned” He told her “Oh right, I understand. Can I ask why there has been no talk of turning me?” “There has been no talk of turning you because again you live here with us. Also, you are Demetri’s mate and it is a discussion for the two of you to have” He replied “Really?” She asked “Yes, Demetri is one of our elite guards and is very loyal, well respected and liked here. He has also earnt our trust over the centuries so we have decided his loyalty is to be rewarded, and therefore we are not rushing him to turn you” “I appreciate that Caius. It’s nice to hear he is held in such high regard by you and your brothers” Caius smiled at her “Demetri has also waited a very long time to meet you and the way you met one another was not the ideal setting, and we thought you both deserved the time to get to know one another and that you both might prefer it, if you got a little older before becoming immortal. I mean you are only 15 years old and he is 21…well physically anyway.” Danni looked surprised as she took in the information. “Are you ok Danni?” “Yes, it-it’s just from the little I was told about yourselves prior to coming here, I would not have expected this much consideration for me and for mine and Demetri’s situation” She answered “We are not the monsters others may have you believe. We look after our own Danni and only punish the guilty when needed” “I know that. I actually respect what you do and what you stand for, Demetri knows that too” It was Caius’ turn to look surprised. “We had a brief talk about things and I told him that being the daughter of the Chief of Police, I understand the Volturi’s purpose and thought you were great. He was surprised too” She told him “You are very interesting for a human Danni” “Why, thank you Caius” She replied smiling.

“What are your interests? What do you like to do?” He asked “I like to read, so I’ve taken advantage of Demetri’s book collection. I like to draw and paint, visiting galleries and museums. I love learning about the past and other cultures. I also like watching films and TV shows, so I have been doing that recently on my laptop. I’ve even introduced Demetri to some of my favourite shows and films” She replied “It’s nice that you have a range of interests, it means you’ll have plenty to do” He said “I did want to travel the world when I got older but I don’t suppose that’ll happen now” She said quietly “Demetri is well travelled due to his line of work and he loves to travel, so he’ll take some time off from his duties and travel as he too likes history and other cultures. I think it has to do with his gift. He’s seen a lot of changes in the world over the years and I do believe he will enjoy traveling the world with you, showing you different cities, sites and countries, you probably only dreamed of seeing” Caius told her “I’d love to travel the world with him, at least I know I won’t get lost” Danni and Caius chuckled at this. “The guards are allowed to leave the castle and go on holiday?” She asked “Yes, in a manner of speaking. He hasn’t travelled much in his time off over the last few decades, though I believe that may have had something to do with him giving up on the idea of finding his mate, thinking that his mate may have died before he got to meet her or that he just thought he wasn’t meant to have one” Danni looked sad at hearing this “That probably explains why he didn’t want me to leave with my sister after we met weeks back” Caius nodded “He is a really nice guy, very caring and I feel safe with him” She added “I am glad to hear you feel safe with him and I knew he would take great of care you. After all, you are very precious to him Danni. He has been around for 1000 years and that is a long time to be alone, especially when he has seen others find their mate both in and out of the castle. He will love you and protect you for forever if you let him” She smiled and nodded at him. “Come, let’s get you dinner, it’s getting late.”

Caius took Danni to the kitchen and she warmed the Chilli up that Gianna had made for them. Once she had eaten Caius walked her back to her and Demetri’s room. “Thank you for today Caius” “You are most welcome child. Goodnight” “Goodnight Caius” Danni got changed into her pyjamas and got into bed to read but she was asleep within minutes of her head resting on her pillow.

A few days had passed with Danni filling the time reading, drawing and watching stuff on her laptop alone so she was pleased when on day ten of Demetri being away Gianna came by to bring her breakfast “Morning, how do you feel like helping me out on reception today? Get out of this room for a bit” “I’d love to Gianna, but is Aro going to be ok with it?” Danni asked “Of course, I already asked him last night. So, eat up and get dressed, we have a busy day ahead of us.”

Once Danni was dressed they made their way to reception and Danni made a start on the filing whilst Gianna answered some emails. “When do you think Demetri will be back?” Gianna asked “Today hopefully, according to Josh. Dem’s been away for nearly two weeks now” “Missing him huh?” Gianna asked and Danni blushed “A little” She replied.

Aro came by reception around 11.00am “Good morning my dears” “Good morning Aro” Danni and Gianna said together “Master Aro I have some errands to run this evening after work and wondered if it would be ok if Danni came with me. I thought we might grab dinner whilst we’re out too, if that’s ok?” “I think that will be ok as long as you stay together” Aro replied “Will Demetri be ok with me leaving the castle with Gianna as I know he is due back today and is likely to want to see me upon his return?” Danni asked “Do not worry about Demetri my dear, I give you my blessing to go with Gianna. Demetri will be present at a trial upon his return and I can keep him busy but please return by 8pm. Girls, you may also finish at 4pm today” “Thank you Aro” “Thank you master” The girls replied.

Gianna and Danni left the castle to run some errands and to grab dinner. “I would like to buy Demetri a gift, but I do not know what to get him. I mean what do you get a 1000-year-old vampire who has everything?” Danni asked “Hmm. Good question. Let’s have a think. How about a new book?” Gianna answered “I don’t know what books he has or doesn’t have, he has so many” “Ok, how about a new shirt? Tickets to the museum, they have a new exhibit opening soon? It’d be an excuse to go out together again” Gianna said. “Tickets to the new exhibit at the museum sound good but I want to get him something else too” Danni responded. The girls made their way to the museum to purchase the tickets. Danni got excited when she saw the new exhibit was about Ancient Greece and hoped that Demetri would enjoy it. “I have an idea for a gift for Demetri, how about something you can wear and he can enjoy” Gianna smiled and winked at Danni. Danni blushed and looked down but couldn’t help but think it was the perfect gift for a vampire who has everything. “Where would we get that kind of gift?” She asked “Come with me hunny” Gianna said looping her arm through Danni’s. They made a quick stop at Starbucks for a coffee before heading to the shops where Gianna helped Danni pick out the perfect gift – lingerie and Danni bought a new dress too. Unbeknown to the girls someone was following them tonight…watching their every move.

The girls arrived back at the castle and made their way to their respective rooms. Danni began unpacking her new lingerie and dress in her closet when Jane came in “Hello Danni” “Hello Jane” Danni replied. “Danni, you here?” Demetri called out entering the room “Hi Demi” Danni replied leaving the closet and making her way to Demetri, him wrapping his arms around her in a hug.

Meanwhile Jane had a look in the closet and saw the new lingerie and dress that Danni had bought and smiled to herself, before putting the receipts from the bags into one of the drawers and then leaving the closet. “See you both later” Jane said as she left the room.

There was a knock at the door a few moments later “Demetri, I need a word with you” A guard said, one who Danni did not recognise. “Sorry, I’ll be right back” Demetri left the room and closed the door, returning moments later. “We need to see Aro. Now” He said not looking pleased. He took Danni’s hand and led her to the throne room in silence.

They arrive at the throne room to see the masters on their thrones, with Jane, Alec and Felix nearby finishing their reports. “Good evening Demetri, Danni, everything ok?” Aro asked “I’m not sure master Aro, I need some help” Demetri replied, not sounding very happy. Aro stepped down from his throne and took Demetri’s hand and saw his conversation with the lower guard, where he was accusing Danni of leaving the castle and flirting with another man behind Demetri’s back.

“I gave Danni permission to leave the castle with Gianna to run errands and get dinner. Danni can you please explain what happened whilst you were out as it appears you were caught flirting with another man” Aro says looking at Danni. Danni is shocked by this and looks at Demetri, who stands there looking straight ahead with his hands behind his back. “Gianna and I ran her errands, grabbed some dinner and did a little bit of shopping. I did not flirt with anyone. I promise you Demetri.”

“LIAR!” A male voice yelled “I saw you in the coffee shop. You were also acting strangely when shopping too” Danni turned to see the guard who had come to Demetri’s door ten minutes ago. “Oh my god, I wasn’t flirting with him. Gianna and I ordered drinks and he told us we looked pretty, we both smiled and said thank you. We were just being polite. I swear. I also bought a gift for Demetri.”

Demetri looked at Danni at this point out of curiosity but said nothing. “Give Master Aro your hand and let him confirm your story” The guard said “I cannot do that, Aro’s gift doesn’t work with me.” Tears had started to fall down Danni’s cheeks.

“Master, if I may?” Josh said from the back of the room. “I followed the girls to ensure they were safe and can confirm Danni’s story” Stepping forward offering his hand. Aro saw that indeed events played out as per Danni’s explanation. Aro smiled and nodded. “Thank you, Josh.” The other guard did not look happy. “What about the shopping?” The guard asked “I-I already said I b-bought Demetri a gift” Danni sobbed “I-it’s p-private and… a surprise…p-please don’t ma-make me tell everyone Aro” She begged him, tears still falling.

“Master, if I may?” Jane says holding her hand out. Aro took her hand and Jane showed Aro the receipts for the dress and museum tickets, making sure not to show him the lingerie receipt wanting to keep that private for Danni’s sake. “Thank you, Jane. Please take Danni to your room. I think some space between Danni and Demetri is required whilst we…sort this out” Aro said “Of course master. Come on sweetie” Jane says softly taking Danni’s hand in hers, leading her out of the throne room. “Danni” Demetri calls reaching his hand out to her “Don’t” She replies not looking at him, tears still falling. Demetri sighed, hurt evident in his eyes, knowing he was the reason his mate was crying. Caius felt himself getting upset and angry seeing Danni upset over the accusations aimed at her.

“Why were you following the girls Josh?” Demetri asked “I have been keeping an eye on Danni in your absence, escorting her around the castle to ensure her safety. Master Aro was aware and it did not interfere with my duties” He replied “I did not ask you to do that” Demetri growled “I know, but I also know how much Danni and her safety mean to you. I was just ensuring no harm came to her, especially after Master Caius’ speech. What I don’t understand is why Leon would follow the girls and make up lies about Danni” Josh responded. “I’d like to know that too” Caius said standing from his throne.

Leon looked nervous as he felt multiple pairs of eyes on him. “Well Leon, we are waiting for your answer” Aro said “I-I was annoyed that Josh was asked to look after Danni and not me. I have been here longer than him and couldn’t believe that Demetri trusted Josh more than me. I also did not like the fact that Josh spent time with Danni in the garden, talking and laughing with her. That wasn’t right.” Demetri growled loudly and Leon shuddered. “I asked Heidi and Gianna to watch Danni in my absence. No one else!” He said the last part a little louder “I know that now!” Leon shouted back. “Felix, Alec take Leon to the dungeon. We’ll deal with him later” Caius ordered. Felix and Alec nodded taking Leon out of the throne room.

“I am sorry for any trouble caused, Demetri, Master Aro. That was not my intention. I knew that Heidi was busy organising tours and just didn’t want Danni to roam the castle alone” Josh said “Thank you, Josh, for looking after her, both in and out of the castle” Demetri said “If I may offer you some advice Demetri?” Josh asked and Demetri nodded “Learn to trust Danni, she is your mate and she thinks a lot of you. After all she did buy you a gift this evening. Masters” Josh bowed and then left the throne room.

“He is right Demetri, you have to learn to trust Danni. She has given you no reason to distrust her my boy and you know I cannot read her thoughts” Aro says. “I know master. I just got angry at the thought of her flirting with another man. I have hurt her and myself. How do I make this right?” Demetri asks “Go and talk to her, do not raise your voice…even if/when she shouts at you. She is hurt and upset with you. Most importantly, apologise to her” Marcus advised softly “Thank you masters.” With that Demetri left the throne room and made his way to Jane’s room, hoping Danni will speak with him. He had missed being away from her the last ten days and this was not the homecoming he had expected.

Meanwhile, Jane and Danni arrived at Jane’s room and they sat on the sofa in front of the fire in silence for a few minutes. Jane put her arm around Danni’s shoulders and guided her head onto her shoulder. Jane didn’t like many people at the castle, but she liked Danni as they were of a similar age and she had accepted the Volturi for who they were. “Thank you, Jane, for whatever you did back there” “I merely showed Aro the receipts for the new dress and museum tickets” Danni looked up at Jane shocked “I snooped earlier when I came to see you, you were unpacking your bags rather quickly. I was curious. Then I found the dress and the lingerie. Very nice by the way, Demetri will no doubt approve” Danni blushed looking down at her hands in her lap. Jane smiled. “Explain the gifts please. Why the lingerie?” Danni took a breath “I wanted to buy Demetri a gift to show him that I cared, to show my appreciation for him taking care of me. I asked Gianna for help because what do you buy a 1000-year-old vampire who has everything. She suggested some ideas, museum tickets being one idea as there is a new exhibit opening soon. Another idea was to buy him something I could wear but he could enjoy” Danni blushed again and Jane giggled. “Well judging by the lingerie I saw, mission accomplished. He’ll also love the new dress” Jane replied “He won’t be seeing the new lingerie anytime soon, not after tonight. I cannot believe what he did. He could have asked me about what that guard had said, he didn’t have to embarrass me in front of everyone…especially knowing I am immune to Aro’s gift” She began to cry again. Jane stroked her hair “It’s ok sweetie. I’ll punish him for his stupidity later” Danni chuckled slightly through her tears.

There was a knock on the door “Who is it?” Jane asked, although she knew it was Demetri by his scent. “It’s Demetri, I’d like to speak to Danni” “I don’t want to speak to him” Danni whispered to Jane, although Demetri heard her too. “She doesn’t wish to speak to you” Jane replied not moving from the sofa. “Please, Jane. Let me in. I want to see her. I need to see her.” He said sounding upset. “I said no Demetri. Go away or else” Jane called out. “I’m not going anywhere. She’s mine!” He growled. He shook his head, he needed to stay calm, getting angry wouldn’t help. “Please Danni. Please talk to me. I want to apologise and do not wish to do so through a door. I want to make things right. Please” He was pleading with her now.

Danni got up and opened the door “You embarrassed me in front of everyone!” She shouted at him through her tears “If Jane hadn’t snooped when she came to see me earlier, I would have had to have asked Aro to read Gianna’s mind and then he would have seen what I bought” Danni sniffled, wiping her eyes “Do you know how humiliated I would have felt then?!” Danni shouted again. Demetri hung his head and sighed “I know cara, please” He reached out his hand and Danni backed away, shaking her head.

Jane sped to the doorway and stood in front of Danni but looking at Demetri and whispered “Pain” He dropped to his knees, pain evident on his face. Danni watched in horror through tear filled eyes. Demetri didn’t make a sound, he just kept his eyes on Danni. ‘I deserve this’ he thought to himself. ‘I hurt my mate, my love.’ Danni just stood watching for a moment before reacting “Demi” She called out and rushed to his side and put her arms around him. “Stop. Jane please” Jane blinked and looked at Danni “I told you I’d punish him for you” Jane smiled looking at Demetri “You hurt my friend. I won’t apologise for what I did Demetri” “I know Jane” He said quietly “I’m the one who’s sorry. I hurt Danni. I’ve made her cry” He nestled his head into Danni’s neck, arms wrapping around her waist holding her close. If he could cry, he would be. “Let’s go back to our room. We need to talk” Danni said quietly. Demetri nodded and helped her up, a small smile on his lips at what she just said. “Goodnight Jane” Danni said, hugging her “Thank you again” “You’re welcome sweetie. Goodnight” Jane replied. “Demetri” “Jane.”

Demetri and Danni walked the few steps to their shared room holding hands, but in silence. Once inside Danni let go of his hand and made her way to the closet “I’m getting ready for bed.” Demetri followed her and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, pressing his nose into her hair and breathing in her scent. He really had missed her. “I am so sorry. Please forgive cara mia. I will do anything to make you smile again” “Let me get ready for bed…then we’ll talk” She removed his arms from her waist and made her way to the bathroom to change. He didn’t say anything, just watched her walk away. He also got changed and made his way to the fireplace. He lit the fire then took a seat on the sofa opposite it, waiting for Danni.

Danni was looking in the mirror at her tear-stained face. ‘I can’t believe he doesn’t trust me’ she thought to herself ‘I’ve never tried to leave; I’ve obeyed his rules. What more can I do?’ More tears began to fall as she sank to the floor, bringing her knees to her chest and putting arms around them, quietly sobbing.

“Danni” Demetri opened the door and immediately sat in front of her, back against the bathroom wall. He scooped her up and placed her in his lap and held her close to his chest whilst she cried. “Sshh, Sshh you’re ok. I’ve got you” He said softly while stroking her hair. “I am so sorry I’ve hurt you. This is killing me watching you cry because of my actions. Tell me how I can fix this mi amore” “I-I wanted to do some-something nice for you. To-to show you that I care, that I-I appreciate you and-and what you’ve done for me” She sniffled “I-I have never tried to leave, even if y-you did keep me h-here against my wishes. I-I thought you trusted me.” She lifts her head to see the hurt in his eyes as she continues “I cannot believe you would listen to some lowly guard rather than talk to me. Your mate” She whispered the last two words, as she buried her head into his neck. He heard her and held her closer to him “I am so so sorry” He whispered in her ear “I do trust you; I promise. It was just-just the thought of you flirting with another man in my absence…it hurt me. It upset me especially as we had gotten closer before I went away…or at least…I thought we were getting closer. I was also upset that you left the castle without me on the day I was due home” “We had gotten closer before you left and Aro gave me permission to leave the castle with Gianna, we even came back before our 8pm curfew. I would never do anything to hurt you or disrespect you, you are my mate.” She pressed a light kiss to his neck and moved in his arms so her chest was pressed against his as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “I missed you Demi” Demetri was surprised by her actions but he kissed her cheek and whispered “I missed you too” He moved her in his arms so she was now straddling him and stood up holding her in his arms and made his way to the bed. He pulled back the duvet and laid her down. “May I?” He asked looking at his side of the bed, unsure if she would want him to stay tonight. She nodded and he climbed in beside her, looking at her with hope in his eyes. She moved closer to him and wrapped her arm around his waist. He wrapped her in his arms and held her to his chest. “I am going to take you out tomorrow, spend the whole day with you. We can do whatever you like” He said low “I’d like that Demi” She replied with a small smile “Are-Are we going to be ok?” She asked quietly “We’re going to be just fine mi amore. I promise” He reassured her and placed a kiss to her hair. She fell asleep in his arms, although she woke up alone the next morning and this saddened her.

Demetri came back into the bedroom carrying breakfast; he had gotten Gianna to help him make pancakes for Danni. He could hear the shower running and called through the door “Breakfast is ready when you are darling.” Danni came out of the bathroom in just a bathrobe and made her way to the sofa to eat her breakfast. “Thank you, the pancakes are really good” “Glad you liked them, I had Gianna help me make them” He smiled at her. “What do you want to do today?” He asked “Hmm, how about we go to an art gallery or a museum?” Danni asked “Yes, ok. If that’s what you want to do. Let’s get ready” He replied.

Demetri and Danni made their way to the museum. “Dem” Danni smiled at him “Here, this is for you” “For me?” He asked curiously and she nodded “This is one of your gifts” He opened the envelope and pulled out the tickets and smiled “Thank you cara” “They have a new exhibit I thought you might like to see; it’s all about Ancient Greece. Gianna gave me the idea. I thought you could tell me if they got stuff right or not. Seeing as you were probably around back then” She giggled and winked at him. He chuckled “Are you saying I’m old?” “Maybe” She looked down then back up at him through her lashes “You are like 1000 years old, although you don’t look a day over 21” He laughed at this “Thank you for the gift, cara. It was very thoughtful” He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into his side for a hug placing a kiss on her hair.

She wrapped her arm around his waist as they begun to walk inside the museum. As they made their way around Danni held his hand and they talked about the different exhibits, him pointing out some of the inaccuracies at the information and her shaking her head smiling at him. Danni notices other women looking at Demetri and when she steps away to look at an exhibit a blonde girl approaches him and starts to flirt “Hi, I’m Nikki” The girl says smiling and batting her lashes. Demetri just nods. Danni watches as the girl plays with her hair “I find the Egyptian culture interesting, don’t you?” “Hmm” Was the only response he gave. Danni did not like what she was seeing ‘He’s mine’ she thought and walking over to Demetri she wrapped her right arm around his waist and placed her left hand on his chest as she leant up on her toes and kissed his cheek “Hey babe, I wanna show you something over here” Demetri smiled and placed a kiss on her forehead “Come on then” Wrapping his arm around her, they began walking away from the girl and she didn’t look happy about it.

Demetri couldn’t help smiling realising Danni was jealous, jealous of someone he’d never look twice at. “What?” Danni asked looking up at him. “Nothing” He replied. “No. What?” “You’re beautiful, especially when you’re jealous mi amore” Danni blushed. “So, babe eh?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. “Sorry, you don’t like it, I-” “No, I don’t mind. It was just unexpected, that’s all” He cut her off and lightly caressed her cheek with this fingers “Well you call me cara mia and mi amore. I didn’t really think about it” He kissed her forehead and held her closer to him. He then took her hand in his and led her to the next exhibit, which happened to be on Ancient Greece.

They walked around the exhibit talking to each other, when Danni noticed an exhibit that showed people wearing different clothing depending on their class “This brings back memories” He said quietly “You used to wear this?” She looked at Demetri smirking “Yes cara. Be kind. It was over 1000 years ago” He replied quietly. She couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m glad your sense of fashion has improved over the years” “I’m glad that fashion itself has gotten better over the years” He replied. “I’m enjoying today Demi” “Me too Danni, Me too. Thank you again for my gift” “You’re welcome” She smiled at him.

Demetri took Danni to a little bistro for lunch and they spoke about what they liked most from the museum along the way. “How was your ‘business trip’? I didn’t get a chance to ask last night” She asked him. “Good, it took a while to locate him as he kept masking his scent, but I always get my target.” He smiled “We observed their actions and then we took care of the problem” He responded, she nodded “Next time you go away can we stay in touch, I mean I understand if we can’t call one another, but being able to text you…would be nice” “That would be nice. Here put your number in my phone and I’ll put mine in yours” He said handing her his phone and taking hers in return “Thank you Dem” “No problem cara” They smiled at one another.

After lunch they visited the art gallery and Demetri bought Danni a print of one the paintings she liked. They left the gallery and Demetri took Danni out to dinner then for a walk down the cobblestone streets. The little shops were still open along with a street market so they had a look around and Danni purchased some scented candles and candle holders.

They made their way back to the castle and went straight to their room. Once there Danni changes into her pyjamas and puts the candles and holders away. Demetri changes into lounge pants and a t-shirt. “Can I ask what the other gift was that you bought me? The one you didn’t want everyone to know about.” Danni shakes her head and looks away. “Please. I’m curious” He says wrapping his arms around her from behind. Danni bit her lip, nervous about telling him what the other gifts were. “I think it may be easier to show you” She said nodding towards her side of the closet. Demetri unwrapped his arms from her and moved to stand beside her. Danni opened the wardrobe door and removed the new red dress so he could see it. It was floor length and had a floor to thigh split with spaghetti straps. Demetri said nothing; he just stared wide-eyed at the dress imagining how good it would look on her. “You don’t like it” She turned away from him and put the dress away “I kept the receipt; I’ll take it back” “You won’t return the dress” He growled low in her ear “I was just surprised that the gift you bought me…was a dress for you” “There’s a reason for that” She smiled looking down “Go on” He said smiling “I asked Gianna for help because I wanted to get you something, but what do you get a 1000-year-old vampire who has everything. I couldn’t get you a book as I wouldn’t know if you had it or not, or even if you would like what I chose” “I would have liked anything you got me cara, because it would be from you” He said softly, she smiled and continued. “I also ruled out buying you a shirt. That’s when Gianna suggested...” She paused biting her lower lip “Don’t be embarrassed, it’s just me” He said turning to look down at her, placing his hands on her arms and rubbing them gently. She nodded “She suggested I buy something for me to wear…and for you to enjoy” She looked up at him through her lashes. He smiled down at her, knowing what she meant but said nothing. “This is one of those items” She pulled out a short white lace dress that zipped at the front. Demetri noticed the Ann Summers tag; he’s seen Heidi and Chelsea buy stuff from there so he knew that the dress would not be worn outside of the bedroom. “I cannot wait to see you in it” He said and winked at her. She blushed putting the dress away. She put her hands on his chest and gently pushed him backwards so she could get to her set of drawers. She knew she hadn’t actually pushed him back seeing that he was stronger than her, it was more that he knew that’s what she wanted to do and he let her ‘push’ him back by stepping back when he felt the slight pressure on his chest.

She opened the third drawer down “I bought this to go under the red dress. Actually, I bought this first then the dress” She pointed to a red lace bra and short set. He smiled approvingly. “And these” She said pointing to a black lace set, a white set that had a lacy pattern on the bra and lastly a grey lace plunge bra with matching shorts. “I look forward to enjoying these on you” He whispered in her ear, before placing a kiss beneath it and moving down her neck. Her breath caught in her throat, something that didn’t go unnoticed by him.

“So-so you like your gifts?” Her voice sounded shaky “Very much so Danni. Thank you. You’re sure to look beautiful in them” He then noticed something shiny in the drawer “What’s that?” He asked nodding his head towards the still open drawer. “Erm, I’m not sure” She moved the slight obstruction and noticed two pairs of rose gold handcuffs with a note on them ‘You’re welcome ;) G’ “Oh my god” She whispered. He chuckled behind her “We could have fun with those, although they wouldn’t be very effective on me. On you however...” He trailed off, letting her come to her own conclusions “Mmm” She responded “I mean, I didn’t buy those. I swear it’s not...” She was flustered and he found it adorable. “It’s ok Danni. I can see that Gianna bought them for us. Please don’t be embarrassed. We don’t have to use them if you don’t want to” He said trying to reassure her “It’s not that I don’t want to” “Oh?” He said smirking, an eyebrow raised. She blushed again and looked down; he placed two fingers under her chin and gently lifted her head “What is it then? Talk to me…Please” She took her bottom lip between her teeth; he loved it when she did that. “I-I er. How do I…? Urgh. Come on Danni, don’t be a coward…just tell him.”

Demetri stepped backwards and took a seat on the two-seater sofa that was in the closet, gently pulling her with him and sat her on his lap so she was facing him. “You can tell me anything” He kind of had an idea of what she wanted to say but he wanted to hear it from her, he didn’t want to make any assumptions. “Just breathe cara” She nodded. “Here goes. I-I haven’t been with anyone before” He nodded but said nothing knowing she hadn’t finished. “I’ve never had a boyfriend before, never had sex before” She looked down before speaking again, her voice barely above a whisper “I’ve never even been kissed” “Look at me” He said gently “Thank you for telling me, I know that was hard for you. I want you to know that I have no expectations from you and would never push you or rush you into anything you didn’t want to do or are not ready for” She nodded “Thank you. I know it may seem weird to buy lingerie for you as a gift, given what I just told you” “It’s not weird. It was a lovely idea and when you’re ready to wear them for me, when you’re ready to take that step, I will enjoy my gift” He said softly “You mean that?” She asked as she looked into his ruby coloured eyes. “Danni, I have waited 1000 years for you; to meet you, and I will wait for as long as I need to until you are ready to be with me in that way. I am in no rush, we have forever after all” He smiled at her, his hands resting on her waist and she smiled back, her hands on his shoulders “Thank you Demi. What did I do to deserve you? To have you as my mate?” “I should be asking what I did to deserve you, I mean I’ve kept you here with me, kept you away from your family and friends and you’ve never tried to leave, in fact you’ve bought me gifts, something I didn’t expect from you, but appreciate all the same. I know that you were born to be with me, just as I was created to be with you and I feel very lucky to have you in my life. I promise to love you and protect you forever if you’ll have me? Have me as your mate?”

A tear slipped down Danni’s cheek and Demetri wiped it away with his thumb “SShh, please don’t cry. I hate seeing you cry” His voice full of emotion “I’m not upset, I promise. It’s just… that was the nicest thing I’ve ever heard and I can tell you meant every word. I promise to love you and protect you forever too” He held her close and kissed her hair. “I just want you to know that although I do not love you yet; I have grown to care for you these past weeks Dem” “I know mi amore. I want you to know that I care for you too.” Danni placed a kiss on his neck, and then kissed his cheek before sitting up and looking at him, one hand at the back of his neck gently playing with his hair. His eyes were closed but he opened them when he felt her warm lips leave a chaste kiss on his cold lips. He placed one hand on her cheek and watched as her eyes fluttered shut at his touch and her head turned slightly and she placed a kiss to the inside of his hand. “May I kiss you?” He asked softly. She nodded and turned back to look at him. He gently placed his lips against hers just for a second, before pulling away slightly. He repeated this a few times before kissing her again only this time his tongue licked at her lips asking for entrance. She parted her lips and felt his tongue gently fight for dominance against hers. She wrapped her other hand around his neck pulling him closer at the same time. He moved the hand on her cheek to the back of her head allowing him to deepen the kiss before pulling away slightly for her to take a breath. “Wow” They said at the same time before resuming the kiss. When he pulled away the second time, he rested his forehead against hers just content to be sharing this moment with her, the first of many first moments he would get to share with her.

Danni started to get sleepy and Demetri suggested they go to bed. “Stay with me tonight, all night. I felt sad when I woke up alone this morning, especially after last night” “I’m sorry, I never want you to feel sad because of me. Of course, I will stay with you and I’ll be here with you when you wake. I promise.” Danni climbed off his lap and held out her hand for him to take; he placed his hand in hers and she led him out of the closet and over to the bed. They got into bed and laid down facing each other. “I’m glad my first kiss was with you” She said quietly “I’m happy I was your first kiss too cara” He placed his lips on hers and then kissed her forehead “Goodnight mi amore” “Goodnight Demi” She kissed his lips and then his forehead in return.  

Danni soon fell asleep facing him and Demetri closed his eyes, still lying on his side facing her. He felt her roll over facing away from him, so he reached out and gently took her sleeping form into his arms and held her, her back to his chest. He placed a kiss to her hair and whispered another goodnight, letting her scent and steady breathing relax him. This was the closest thing to sleep he had experienced since he was human.  

[revengeismygender]

so in thg first book Cato is kind of our big bad in the arena. he singles Katniss out from the get go, he’s a scary and vicious career, and he’s the last one standing besides Katniss and Peeta. he’s the enemy before the “remember who the enemy is” moment.

in both the book and movie there are small attempts at humanizing Cato shortly before his death, pointing us back to the Capitol as the real enemy as we’re reminded that this is also just a scared child. however, I think the book does this much more effectively than the movie.

here’s our Cato humanization arc in the book: when Thresh kills Clove she’s crying out for Cato to help her and he runs to her, reminding Katniss of when Marvel was killing Rue and she called out for Katniss. As Clove is dying, Cato is holding her and begging her to stay with him, mirroring Katniss and Peeta’s interactions and reminding Katniss that the two of them were also a team and could have gone home together. she also revisits this during their victory tour stop in D2. it’s unclear whether there was a romance between the two of them or if he just wants to hold on to his teammate and link to home, but we see him crying over her. then, when they are outrunning the mutts, Cato asks Katniss and Peeta if the mutts can climb once they’ve made it on top of the cornucopia. she has the thought that he’s just a scared kid like them. he reverts to his scary self for a moment while threatening to kill Peeta, then after he falls he turns back into a miserable child as the mutts torture him until he finally begs Katniss to mercy kill him. his death also haunts her more than almost anyone else’s for the remainder of the series.

here’s his movie humanization arc: at the very end when he’s threatening to kill Peeta he seems to have a small breakdown and starts yelling stuff like “that’s what THEY want” at the sky, presumably referring to the capitol. and I just don’t think this works as well because it’s too little and too much at the same time. the last time we saw him he was snapping the neck of district 3’s kid. he doesn’t come to clove’s aid. he doesn’t climb the cornucopia with them, rather he’s waiting to ambush them at the top. he goes straight from ruthless robot to crying puppet the second he grabs Peeta, and then he starts ranting and yelling at the capitol in a way that would certainly get him (if he survived) or his family (since he doesn’t) punished. we have had no small moments reminding us he’s just a kid, and then we have one big moment that would have too many consequences in universe and that kind of makes Katniss seem heartless since it seems to have no affect on her and she kills him immediately after. I just think it’s a missed opportunity to make it clear who the enemy of the series is and isn’t.

[demcnsinmymind]

@protectisms continued from here

Lance leered down into the hole she'd left in the ground, careful to keep his distance to avoid falling down as well. He kept his arms folded in front of his chest a little while longer, assessing the state she was in, the remainders of the room were in. And...yeah. The place was fucked. If the owner grouping them together for a tour hadn't been a dead give away that this place wasn't the right one yet, this right here surely was.

All of it left him with a sour taste in his mouth and a sour look on his face. And it wasn't even necessarily the prospect of having to help her get out of there that pissed him off, just the whole day in general.

"Well. I've heard the stories about you and your husband. Agree to disagree I suppose" he replied, only to give her a somewhat angry snort. "Hey, for the record: not making a mockery out of any of this. It's my job, too. And so far, that one's proven that people like you are kinda...well. You figure. For what it's worth though...you're certainly a truckload better than our own psychic, I give you that. Maybe you should give him some lessons."

Letting out a sigh, Lance finally unfolded his arms and got moving.

"Hold on. We got some ropes and a ladder in our van. Believe it or not, I do have some human decency and care about safety on the job. Just...stay right were you are and don't go anywhere near the collapsed ceiling, okay. We'll have you outta there in no time."

With that, he left her alone for a moment, on his way to get said items and the rest of his team. Cutthroat or not, he wasn't going to leave people hanging in dangerous situations like that. And now that he thought about it, if he got her on his side with this, they had a hell of a case to get their 'touring fee' back, so...profit.

[boldlyvoid]

Bigger than the whole sky??? Do share???

anything for you bestie!!

She brings Tara back into the bullpen just as JJ is leaving her office and rushing over to Aarons, she sees Y/N and Tara and shouts over to them. “We have a 10-year-old girl who was just abducted from a park in Wauwatosa!” 

“Shit, okay,” Y/N stops dead in her tracks. “I’ll continue the tour later… Anderson,” she shouts over to him. “Can you grab Penny and Luke, and tell them to meet us in the briefing room? Tara and I will meet them there,” she orders and pulls Tara towards the other set of stairs towards the round table. 

Y/N cleans the older files off the table and powers up the presentation board, she logs onto the computer it’s attached to and searches the system for abductions in Wauwatosa so they can read over the file quickly while the plane gets ready. CARD already has a case going with everything they know. She loads it up and starts reading over it as fast as she can with Tara doing the same as she takes a seat at the round table. 

The team is quick to fill the room, they discuss what little they know and then JJ gets a call from the pilot to tell her that they’re ready to board. “Okay, we gotta go,” JJ says as she hangs up. 

Derek, Tara, Luke and JJ all rush out the door to grab their things while Aaron takes a minute to say goodbye to Y/N. He wraps her up in a hug and cups her face in one hand as he pulls back, his other hand gently rubs on her belly, “I love you, both of you.” 

“Be safe,” she begs. “Come home to us.” 

He nods, leaning in to kiss her. He breathes her in, holding her in a kiss and then just as she thinks he’s pulling away for good, he kisses her again and again. She can feel everyone watching them through the briefing room window, but she doesn’t really care. She keeps kissing him, smiling slightly, she loves how affectionate he gets before he has to go. When he does eventually pull away, he sighs. “I love you. Now, you call me if you need me, okay?” 

“Okay,” she can’t help but smile. “Go save the day, superman.” 

He hesitates to keep going but he knows the plane is waiting for them and he still has to grab his bag from his office. But fuck it, he thinks. He pulls her in for one last kiss and then he’s off. 

She follows him out of the briefing room, he’s a lot faster than she is so hes leaps ahead of her, “I can text Jess from the plane or you can get Jack tonight?” 

“I can get him,” she offers, breathing heavily from walking so fast. “He has things at our house, he can stay with me until you get back.” 

At his office door, she watches him pick up his bag and search the room for his phone. He pats his side to ensure his gun is still there and pulls up his pant leg to check the other gun. He’s all good to go, so he lets out a sigh, his shoulders drop and his brow goes up as if to say, “I guess this is goodbye.” 

“Call me when you can, I love you,” she says one last time, stepping out of the door frame so he can squeeze past. 

He runs his free hand over her stomach as he moves past her, “I love you—” 

“Hotch, man, we get it, you’re in love, let's goooo,” Morgan says from the double glass doors, the teams already in the elevator, on their way down to the shuttle car that will take them to the runway. 

“Get going,” she scoots him along. 

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” he complains as he runs down the little steps and heads off after Morgan. He turns back to her just before leaving the room, he blows her a kiss and then he’d gone. 

She just smiles, shaking her head, everyone is watching her with the same sweet look. It’s nice to see Aaron like this, having their boss in love has been a blessing, they appreciate this. He’s not as much of a hard ass anymore. 

“Back to work,” she teases everyone. 

She lets out a sigh, it’s weird when he’s not around. And instead of going back to sitting at her desk, she grabs her snacks and makes her way down to Penny’s office. Where she will stay for the remainder of the day.