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#and if it is one for her I assume she can't be the only person in the world
lena-in-a-red-dress · 12 hours
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Musician Age Gap AU Pt 10
Kara sets her phone on do not disturb the instant the first unrecognized number flashes across the screen. Keeping hold of Lena's hand, she sits them both on the edge of the bed as she dials the only other person she wants to talk to.
"Kara!" Alex exclaims. Her voice then dims as she turns to call the others. "It's Kara!"
"Hey," Kara says, keeping her voice steady. "You're on speaker. I've got Lena with me."
Lena leans closer to the phone, resting against Kara's side in the process.
"Hi."
"Hi, Lena." As Kara expects, it takes more than a global superstar to faze her sister. "Are you two okay?"
Kara nods. "Yeah. We're okay."
"We're more concerned about you guys." Lena glances at Kara. "I'm worried your family might be pulled into this."
It will only be a matter of time before internet sleuths find Kara's old social media, and for her identity to be shared with the entire world. But where Kara had consented to her relationship with Lena, her sister's family hadn't agreed to be drawn into it along with her.
"We'll be okay," Kelly chimes in.
Lena shakes her head. "Let us send a car. We can get you to a hotel until we see how far they'll dig."
"Oh, I don't think that's necessary..."
"But what if it is?" Lena asks softly.
What about Esme, goes unsaid. A long beat of silence passes, and Kara imagines Kelly looking to Alex for guidance, and Alex's own indecision.
"Lena's team has more experience and greater resources to handle this sort of thing," Kara adds. "They can book you guys under fake names, assign security--"
"Security?" Kelly interrupts, her voice laced with fear. "You don't think..."
"We don't know anything at this point," Lena rushes in, doing her best to allay the immediate worry without downplaying the risk. "But I don't think we should assume the best, either."
Alex is the next to speak. To Kara's surprise, her sister doesn't speak to her.
"Lena."
Kara glances at the woman beside her. Lena's features are as somber as Alex's voice sounds, but her brow is creased with thought.
"How bad can this get?"
Lena takes a deep breath.
"I can't say for sure."
While it's not a firm answer, Kara knows Lena isn't sugarcoating anything-- it's just too soon and too volatile to anticipate an outcome with any kind of certainty.
"You've had high profile relationships before," Alex counters.
"Yes," Lena concedes. She takes a breath, shoulders sagging as though in defeat. "But this is different."
Alex makes the connection before Kara does.
"Because you're women."
A jolt travels down Kara's spine. She shoots a glance towards Lena, who looks at her helplessly.
"Yes," Lena confirms. "I've been in relationships with women before, but not publicly."
"Do you intend to hide this one too?"
Lena glances at Kara, cheeks flushing with guilt.
"That decision hasn't been made." That the option is even on the table sends a frission of displeasure through Kara, but Lena's tone-- while conciliatory-- is pragmatic. "But even the implication could make a lot of waves. And if people get angry, and they can't get to us..."
"They'll go after us," Alex finishes for her.
Lena nods, her features mournful. "It's a possibility. Online, in the media, or even picketing..."
Kara knows Alex's decision before she says it.
"Okay." Then, "just until we know more."
"Of course."
Alex sighs over the line. "Any other recommendations?"
"I would limit screen time; things might get... nasty. And the less you see, the less you might be tempted to join the fray."
Kara's thoughts turn to Esme, and as though reading her mind, Lena continues.
"Alex... Kelly... I know you don't know me. But-- I want to protect you and your family as much as I can in this. I wasn't much younger than Esme when all this started for me, and-- I don't want to make this any harder for her than it has to be."
Kara gives Lena's hand a squeeze, prompting Lena to lean a little more of her weight against her shoulder in return.
"Thank you, Lena," Kelly says, voice soft. "We appreciate your guidance on this."
Kara leans forward intently, bringing the phone a little closer.
"Lena's team will coordinate everything," she offers, "and I'll be in touch with more details as soon as I have them. We'll take each day as it comes, and adjust however we need to."
"Kara can send you my number," Lena agrees. "If any of you need anything, at any time, please call me."
"We will," Kelly promises.
Alex sighs. "We should go tell Esme."
Kara bites her lip. "She's seen?"
"Who do you think showed us?"
Shit. Kara's teeth grind in frustration. "Is she upset?"
"Nah. Not really. I think maybe a little hurt that she found out with the rest of the world, but mostly thrilled?" Alex sighs. "I don't know. Teenagers are hard."
That makes Kara chuckle. She wipes a tired hand over her face. Barely an hour had passed since she woke up, but it feels like a lifetime. "Yeah."
"We'll let you two go. Stay safe."
"You too," Kara returns. "We'll be in touch."
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diyasgarden · 3 days
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the trio secretly all having comfort stuffed animals… art and patrick prolly know abt eachothers actually
MHM MHMM. This is somewhat of a continuation to this.
I think Tashi's comfort stuffed animal would be the one from the first tournament she ever played. It's a really small bear, she got from some small town when she was 12. Just looking at it, reminds her of the hope and joy she felt at that age. About her career and life in general. It's also the perfect size to carry around everywhere. When she's in Stanford she keeps in her backpack and when she's an adult she keeps it in her bag. One day you find it and remember it's one she's had for ages. You say nothing of it as you put it back into the bag.
Art's stuffed comfort animal is of course the one his grandma got for him, and Patrick's known about it for nearly as long as he knew him. Art kept it on his desk in their shared dorm room at the academy, how would he not notice it? He wants to tease Art about it, but it's obvious just how personal it is to him so he never does. He thinks it's sweet that his grandmother gave Art the stuffed animal. He can't remember ever being attached to anything his parents gave him.
Art is also the only person who knows just how attached Patrick is to the little teddy bear you gave to him. One day when Patrick came to visit him on campus, Art went to go sit in the passenger seat of the car he saw the teddy was already there. Maybe if it wasn't perfectly upright in the middle of the seat, he would have assumed Patrick just put it there, but it really did look seated. With the way Patrick drives, the fact that it remained seated like that meant that Patrick wanted it to be like that. Art teases Patrick about this, even when Patrick tells him to shut up. Eventually he accidently lets it slip to you and that's how you come to realize how much Patrick loves the teddy bear.
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smile-files · 16 hours
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i'd always been kinda confused by the whole pseudo-plot about cabby's parents, but in the context of ii16 it's actually pretty good foreshadowing.
bot in a way is the only contestant to have a parent or parents, as they're the only one whose life was purposefully, consciously created by someone (we don't know if mephone made the other contestants knowingly, so that distinction is important). mephone is like bot in that he's a sentient machine created by someone consciously. funnily enough, despite mephone and bot being debatably "more fake" than the others for being machines, they are real in that they have a genesis to look back to, while the other contestants don't. the synthetic is the organic, and the organic is the synthetic.
all of them -- mephone, bot, the other contestants -- were all made to serve a specific function. but the thing is, mephone and bot, by being made consciously and knowing that they were made consciously, can be aware of that intended function from the get-go and actively defy it. the others couldn't, as it wasn't until now that any of them knew they were made to serve a function at all. they took their personhood for granted, while mephone and bot knew they had to prove it for themselves.
i've seen criticisms of AE couching this foreshadowing within cabby's memory disability being ableist, which are fair, but i personally am fine with it -- i don't think cabby's whole character and whole disability were written for that purpose; i think, rather, that AE thought that cabby not remembering a lot of things would present a good opportunity to reveal a hidden fact of this world without us even realizing it's been revealed. it had been established at this point that cabby has memory issues, so we wouldn't automatically find it suspicious that she has no memory of her parents. note how it's specifically bot that asks cabby about her parents! the one person here who has parents!! and it makes sense for the hidden reveal to happen through cabby, because she's the sort of person to ruminate on what she can't remember -- any other contestant would just assume they have memories with parents of some kind and not dwell on it. in my opinion, it's organic and pretty clever!
(that doesn't make the rest of the episode not ableist, though. it really really is lol)
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Updated OMITB S4 Killer Theory
After watching this week's episode I have a new theory for who killed Sazz. There are some plot holes proving otherwise but for now this is what is sticking with me the most. I think it also ties some of these storylines together. I'm putting this all under a spoiler tag just in case since it hasn't been a full day yet.
I think Bev is actually Dudenoff. From what we know so far, Dudenoff is rarely ever home and is currently in Portugal. Bev living and working in Los Angeles means that she could go back and forth collecting rent, hire someone to do so, or just have it deposited directly. Maybe she inherited one of the apartments, saw an opportunity for the others and took it. Plus it's a nice side hustle that can help to fund her film projects.
The mysterious person in the group with their face scratched out could very well be Helga. Vince said that Helga was the wrong type of weirdo and Rudy, Inez, and Ana were all trying to paint her as mentally ill and paranoid. I think we can assume she's not dead since we heard her on the radio, but she is clearly in hiding meaning she didn't leave the West Tower on her own accord. I think she uncovered a secret about Dudenoff or whatever other crime these Westies are into and was going to tell Charles so he could expose it on the podcast.
Sazz was digging around searching for clues before she was killed, even going so far as to discover that someone was watching Charles and gaining access to the code for the Dudenoff apartment. This season has been playing around a lot with the concept of stunt doubles, twins, and actors portraying actors. What if Sazz bore a strong resemblance to Helga and was successfully able to pass as her which is how she got entry to the Dudenoff apartment? If the theory that Helga was going to snitch is correct, maybe during the night of the party one of the Westies looked out the window, saw Sazz in Charles' apartment and thought she was Helga and killed her to keep her from telling?
If Bev is Dudenoff there is a possibility that she was in attendance at the party at the end of season 3 and was also in town to collect the rent owed by the Westies. Maybe at the party she saw Sazz and because of the Sazz/Helga lookalike theory thought Helga was in disguise to get close to Charles. Having her side hustle exposed would lose her money and with how she hounded the trio to sign over their movie rights she sounds like she's struggling financially. In episode 4, the actors are referred to as faces because there's a dynamic where stunt people don't get recognition for their work and aren't recognized outside of the work that they do. At the party when they discuss the wine Charles has upstairs, Bev could have overheard that Sazz was going up to get it and saw that as her chance to strike. As Dudenoff it would be easy to run over to the apartment she owns and gain access to get the job done. Plus we now know she knows how to handle a gun after she is seen holding the trio at gunpoint at the end of the episode.
The question remains whether Sazz was the intended victim or Charles and I'm still going to go with Sazz for now. I know there's the whole "Everybody hates Charles" agenda but he's basically a homebody so I doubt there would be enough interactions over time for someone to actually hate him. The only other reason is that a family member of one of the victims in the podcast or the killers is mad at him for profiting off of their death like what the bartender said at Concussions.
So this is where I'm at right now theory wise. There is still plenty of time to change that because we have 6 episodes left. I know there's so much more to be discovered so I can't wait to see what direction the show will take over the next few episodes.
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tora-the-cat · 8 months
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An interesting little fun thing with team 7 is that you assume that Sakura's gonna, like, woobify and simplify Sasuke by putting him on a pedastal,cause her goal is centered around him and shes a 12 y/o fangirl so like of course her understanding of him is skewed cause she doesnt see him as a person, just an object of affection, right? She's can't get Sasuke, can't imprint on and/or traumabond with him like Naruto and Kakashi do. They don't see him with rose tinted glasses, because they've lived through their own Horrors and empathize with Sasuke's experience.
......right?
WRONG lmao!! They have too many ghosts!! Naruto's single-minded codependent ass won't get out of his own way long enough to see Sasuke for who he actually is, only able to empathize with the parts of his trauma Naruto relates to and not really capable of understanding him outside of the context of himself (because Sasuke is. His other half). And Kakashi is far too jaded to be fair to him!! He can't decide if Sasuke is gonna end up as a mini-him or a mini-Obito or maybe a mini-Itachi, but either way he ALSO is too traumatized to see Sasuke AS SASUKE.
meanehile SAKURA'S autistic ass may have dogshit empathy, but you know what she does have? A special interest in sasuke. Nothing better to do then give herself a degree in Uchihaisms. She can write character studies about him. she can read his soul. Whenever she says something about him she is right. Every fucking time! She is RIGHT!!!!
'sasuke would NOT compliment me this directly or explicitly express worry unprompted, especially if it gets in the way of his goals' correct.
'Sasuke shouldn't hide that curse on his neck its not healthy BUT if I tell anyone about it he'll never trust me again, which might be even more dangerous for him then the curse mark. Like he can probably handle the curse mark but no one else can stop him from ripping peoples arms off.' correct.
Speaking of! 'Sasuke would not hurt me even when he seems to be...possessed? whatever the only way to knock him out of it is to present myself as Alive and thus something to be protected rather then something to be avenged, because he gets really stuck in his own head about revenge' CORRECT
'hey so um. like. Sasuke's gonna leave Konoha. I'm not sure anything can stop him at this point and honestly I'm kinda starting to doubt anything should, so the only thing I could possibly do to help him at this point is ALSO defect.' CORRECT!!!!
#shout out to @Obihoe cause this started as a tag comment on one of your posts that got WAY too out of hand. just like old times lol#team 7#haruno sakura#sakura haruno#sasuke uchiha#team crackhead#naruto#naruto uzumaki#sasusaku#doesn't have to be but like. Yeah#for the record no disrespect to my boys Naruto n Kakashi I love them dearly. but like. they got their issues. that's half the fun of team 7#And Sakura has her problems with Sasuke too!! But her problems have nothing to do with understand him or his motivations or his personhood#and more to do with. Well. her absolute dogshit empathy. Emotionally disregulated ass.#'if you leave me I'll feel just like you did when your parents died' My beloved. Iconic. Great line. No notes. She's really just still so#inexperienced and naive that means she can explain and predict and KNOW him and his actions but still not empathize. She can say shit#like that with a straight face because she's never FELT loss like this before (except that minute she thought he was dead on the bridge)#so she can't imagine a worse pain. Just assumes it can't GET worse because she has no emotional concept of 'worse'. so it must be the same#she's literally the only person with a chance of convincing Sasuke to take her with him to Orochimaru because he's SASUKE of course she#knows all the right pressure points and keywords and concerns and stuff that she needs to convince him.#she's literally playing a little diolouge tree game with him. And maybe even winning up until that line! it's the dealbreaker
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zukkaoru · 2 years
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sorry i'm thinking abt megumi's incessant desire to be the first to die vs. the narrative keeping him alive despite and how the most tragic ending for him is not actually dying, but being left behind. for megumi, the worst fate is living a long life
#megumi growing up assuming he will be the first to die out of those he loves#bc gojo is the Strongest and tsumiki is a non-sorcerer so they should both be Safe while megumi is just. megumi#vs megumi at 15 having lost tsumiki gojo nobara nanami etc etc and knowing it's only a matter of time before he loses yuuji too#megumi not knowing how to be the survivor because he never thought he'd live long enough to have to say goodbye#also sometimes i think abt that post that was like... remember in thg how katniss' motivation for Everything is saving prim?#and then prim still died at the end because the world they lived in could not allow someone so good to live? it could not allow#katniss the One thing she wanted most#yeah so like. everything megumi is doing and has done has been for tsumiki. it's all been for her#but the world they live in is cruel and tsumiki is too good of a person#and when has megumi ever been granted anything he's wanted? why should the world allow him his one biggest desire of tsumiki's safety?#and what is megumi supposed to do when he outlives the one person who has been by his side - the one person he wanted most to save#how is he supposed to live a long life when everyone he cares about is gone? how is he supposed to care about new people?#what's that one quote that's like. a son or a husband can be replaced but who can grow me a new brother#no one can replace tsumiki. megumi cannot find a new sister#yes losing gojo and yuuji would be devastating. but at the end of the day megumi has known yuuji for only a few months#and gojo was already a replacement for his father#tsumiki has been with him longest and she's always been megumi's main motivation#she's the reason he didn't go to the zenin clan. she's the reason he was trained by gojo. she's the reason they're all in the culling games#trying to fix it from the inside and running on a time limit#and what happens if he CAN'T save her. what happens if. like katniss and prim. despite EVERYTHING. tsumiki still has to die#THIS IS ALL BECAUSE OF TSUMIKI#BECAUSE MEGUMI WANTS TO SAVE HER#DO YOU UNDERSTAND!!!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE TRAGEDY IN BEING ALIVE WHEN EVERYONE ELSE IS GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sorry i'm not normal about fictional sibling dynamics. btw if you even care#hello grace here#jjk spoilers#update i just realized it's not even 7am. as you can tell i'm having a great time today
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darkladylumiya · 7 months
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After going through a thousand and one tangents in my head I suddenly remembered that in Legends, the lightsabers that Dooku gifts to Asajj (as shown in the Tartakovsky Clone Wars series) are actually the lightsabers of his former padawan Komari Vosa who got captured by a cult and was psychologically tortured and broken until she turned to the Dark Side, eventually ending up leading the cult. Dooku then sends Jango Fett to go kill her to prove that he should be the template for the clone army. Also Komari was there on Galidraan with Dooku when the True Mandalorians got massacred by the Jedi with Jango being the only survivor of the battle and getting sold into slavery in the aftermath.
All of this to say, that Dooku eventually hands over to his new apprentice in the Dark Side the lightsabers created by his former apprentice who fell to the Dark Side before he did, who helped kill Mandalorians with him before eventually being defeated by the one survivor of that massacre and finished off by her former master.
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juliareed · 6 months
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Mr. Sark has assumed control of your mother's operation— Please stop referring to her as my mother. Therefore, Ms. Derevko must know what he's looking for. // You were hired to kill me? Who hired you? Who put a contract on my life? Derevko. Irina Derevko.
#aliasedit#alias#multiamorymarch#sydney bristow#julian sark#kazu tamazaki#polyamships#polyamoryinfandoms#userthing#multiamory march#sark x sydney x tamazaki#sark x sydney#sydney x tamazaki#sstrio#myedit#unlocking some new levels of rare ships here.#okay so what if. irina's double didn't just hire tamazaki to kill sydney.#what if elena's plan involved the double pretending to be irina for an extended period of time and building a new criminal empire AS irina.#and what if eventually. the double and tamazaki started working together.#and what if right before dying she told him about the assignment she only trusted him with. to kill her daughter.#assuming that all this time he thought that he's working with the real irina. that she managed to convince him and everyone else.#managed to convince herself too. began to believe in the lie. began to think that she's the real irina.#and when tamazaki and sydney meet; she fails to kill him. he escapes but she can't forget about what he said.#and maybe they keep running into each other after that. and the more she learns about the irina that he knew the less sense all of it makes#and then there's only one last option left. one person who can help her to figure out the truth.#so now there are two men who claim to know her mother better than she does. but the thing is. they knew two different irinas.#that's the love triangle material of ALL TIME right there.#ideally i would want sydney and irina's clone to form some sort of a relationship in this verse too.#you heard about getting attached to the clone of your best friend; now get ready for getting attached to the clone of your mother.
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bumblingbabooshka · 2 years
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Equinox Specific VOY Memes
#I had a ton for Equinox specifically for some reason?? so they all go together now#Tuvok 'if the captain's wrong - no she isn't Voyager vs Chakotay 'you can't just torture people what's wrong with you' Voyager#this episode is so interesting to me from a specifically these 3 characters perspective#It's probably just Tuvok being underwritten but literally the only thing he really does in this episode is tell#Janeway maybe they DON'T have to promise a ship full of people's heads on a silver platter to these aliens?? and then promptly shut up about#it when Janeway says 'do you wanna go in the brig????' and it's never addressed. There's not even like a 'Tuvok would have mutinied against#you with me' line or a short scene where he and Chakotay talk about how Janeway's acting which leads me to assume that Tuvok#would NOT have mutined and was NOT even going to try again to convince her not to execute these people#It's just interesting!!! That these two exemplary Starfleet officers and highly upright people are like 'Killing people...is fine.' and#Chakotay (ex Maquis - criminal & terrorist) is like 'NO I T' S NOT???? WHAT ARE YOU DOING???'#devotion that twists...devotion to a cause. to a feeling. to a person....#Chakotay is ultimately the one who says 'I can't go there with you.' and Tuvok says (silently) 'I'll stay by your side no matter what.'#Chakotay DOES say he wasn't going to mutiny in the end bc it would be 'crossing a line' (confusing) but he was ready to - he threatened to -#and it's easy to say you weren't going to do it after everything's settled#just their differing reactions (and non reactions) to Janeway in this episode...much to think about#st voyager memes#Chakotay#Janeway#Tuvok#It's so funny that after ALL THAT Janeway sort of sheepishly goes up to Chakotay and is like 'hah a...w hew....I got a little carried away#there huh?? hah a thanks for not being all weird about it <3'#you MAY have had reason to stage an itty bitty mutiny of your own <- like a mutiny is a shindig Chakotay might have held in the mess hall#Janeway you are a fascinating creature#[Do you think Captain Janeway utilized girl power when she tortured that crewman?] Chakotay says no - Tuvok says 'maybe'
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I feel like the post I just reblogged pointing out the all-or-nothing in how many people interact with their deconstruction of systems of oppression is resonating for me right now with so many different moments in my life where someone decides that because some part of myself has access to some of the levers of control/influence/etc that come with the relationship to power, and decides what that must mean about all the other parts of me that might be explicitly refused access to those same levers.
It has happened in so many spaces/aspects of my life, and it can be so hard to feel safe and seen and trusting of others when that's my chronic relationship to being perceived - half truths and obfuscation.
It doesn't really change regardless of who's doing the assuming either. Like, where they land in relation to systems of power may influence which direction they lean in their assumptions about me, but even that is often inconsistent. Both sides of the equation (those who share my marginalizations and those who exist in spaces of closer proximity to power) will still do it nonetheless.
When I was doing my liminal social identities work in undergrad, this was actually a big part of the conceptualization we explored of traumtic alienation of self as individual from self as collective, and what it can do to people to exist in this liminal relationship with your environment and the people in it. As I'm starting to gather my thoughts about my stress modeling, this conceptualization is bubbling back to the surface. I'm finding myself meandering through it on both a path specifically my own, and in an effort to better understand what other paths may be available to people during their version of the process/experience.
Selfhood is so fragile, and so in need of balance between self-construction and co-construction for us humans, and that gives us so many beautiful, even spiritual, experiences of meaning making and generativity of self. It also createa many pivot points where we may find room in our path for vulnerability or blurring of self. As much as these pivot points can be distressing, I think they also sometimes become our foundations of change/personal evolution, when we find that through the distress of existing in shift, something meaningful is occurring or observable in our experience of self-in-transition.
I think something I've valued especially about my own relationship with self is its transience. It doesn't always end up somewhere I would be happy to sustain, but it always allows me a degree of comfort in complexity that I think has made my body-mind a safer place for me overall.
#one day i will understand how to convey self in a way that is Mine and also Effective Communication#but lord knows it ain't today#it's always so interesting to me the way people decide to position me in their social/power schema#the funny thing i think is that even as a toddler people seemed to assign me a seriousness and gravity of social value that was both#irrational and inexplicable and in many cases wildly inappropriate#apparently one of my auntie's got in a bad way of 'consulting' me like her personal spiritual guide when I was like#two years old????#and she had to be like#you can't keep talking to my toddler about this stuff#that's an extreme one but like#it's also in line with the trend#i don't think people realize how dehumanizing it feels to be Assigned Moral and Social Weight and Value like that#it makes it so painfully clear to me that i am expected to manage to accommodate everyone's needs while never having#or at least never expressing or acknowledging in the presence of others#any needs of my own regardless of their impact on me#sometimes I think people assume that I went into the fields I did as like. a white knight type motivation#or like#that going into the field is what's made me the way I am#and like.#not really. it's more that I knew my role in life was 'other people's emotional regulation/go-to anchor' as long as I've had self-concept#and at a certain point you've been playing that role long enough that your options are either#become a subject matter expert and contributer to the field#or fucking kill yourself#because you certainly can't keep doing what you're doing#i dunno. i guess i just wished there was anyone in my life i trusted to see me as the fully complexified and messy human I am#i might feel a little less like i'm the only real thing in my life#anyway i think i'm gonna go. dissociate out of existence for a while before i get the kind of suicidal that's going to worry wifey#i don't think i can cope with needing to regulate her out of an anxiety response right now and i understand that means i can't need care atm#you ever just get the feeling that you're drowning under the weight of the needs you just can never seem to meet? i do.
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youremyonlyhope · 5 months
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why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up
#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director#and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production#and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out#but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again#i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately#so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me#i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me#i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added#and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad#anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much.#but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great#but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else#but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing#and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us#and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing#and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more#especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this.#and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not.#and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING#and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine.#but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad.#because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented#if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that.#but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent.#and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt#i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried.#and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over.#i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help#and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh#brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.
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tj-crochets · 1 year
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Hey y’all! Aetna (the worst health insurance company I’ve dealt with) denied my doctor’s Prior Authorization Requests for my inhalers, so I could use some help.  What do you know about appealing health insurance coverage decisions in the US? I think there’s something about asking who made the determination and if there were doctors involved, but I can’t remember the details.  Additionally, do you know how to determine when your open enrollment period is? I am at this point wanting to get away from Aetna as quickly as possible, but apparently even if I am paying the premiums myself out of pocket I can’t get blue shield until it’s an open enrollment period??? I don’t really understand that because I know I’ve seen forms asking like “which of your multiple health insurances are you using for this” so I thought you could have multiple forms of health insurance if you wanted. Health insurance makes no sense and I deeply resent everything about this. Especially Aetna. Resenting the fuck out of Aetna tbh
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The I feel like she sees me line being said to Eddie who is the person that truly sees Buck for all that he is. Are we supposed to take this line at face value which would indicate piss poor writing because they needed to rush to a horrible ending or do we take it as Buck being an unreliable narrator? What was the audience supposed to interpret from Buck saying that, were we truly supposed to believe him or we supposed to be pissed at Buck for saying this to the one person that truly sees Buck?
Good morning to me, I guess.
I'm assuming you haven't really seen people's reactions in the fandom on tumblr because I feel like I saw this said in quite a few posts going around, but you are absolutely not supposed to take this line at face value. I'm surprised that people think you should. 9-1-1 has from the beginning had a habit of turning friendships into romantic relationships (Bathena and Madney) and taking their time with these things rather than having an instalove situation. Even Karen and Hen, who meet when they're set up on a date together, don't instantly fall in love. I do not think they would set Eddie or Buck up for an endgame relationship with a woman by having them date that woman immediately, even if they didn't plan to make Buddie canon.
Buck is clearly struggling post-death. He's lost and once again looking for the answer from a romantic partner. He did a lot of growth in regards to his family relationships this season but not his romantic ones. Remember, his couch ended up destroyed and he asked his latest girlfriend to pick the new one out for him. Again. He's still not picking his own damn couch. After being unable to sleep on the one his mom gave him but passed out instantly on Eddie's where he ran to feel safe.
If people think this is all, somehow, an accident or the writers are doing this without knowing what they're doing, then I can't help you. Do you also think the symbolism I put into my fanfics are a total accident? Do you guys think I picked the name of the poem "Fuchsia Emerald Alizarin Rose" just because the colors are fun and they accidentally spell out F.E.A.R. or do you think maybe I did that absolutely 100% on purpose and was waiting for someone to realize?
Buck saying that to Eddie is 100% supposed to make the audience raise their eyebrows. Especially when we see Eddie's reaction. He's confused and he's hurt and he's annoyed. Eddie then spends his next few lines showing Buck (and us) that he sees Buck. Buck misses it, it goes right over his head, but the audience is shown that Buck is wrong and Eddie sees him.
I think there was a lot of internal stuff going on behind the scenes way high up the ladder that meant Buddie didn't happen this season. No, I don't mean that in a tinhatting way, I just mean that they knew Fox wouldn't renew them, they didn't know if they'd get picked up somewhere else, Fox hasn't promoted or cared about this show the way it has its other shows in a while, and I think it's pretty clear there was shuffling and changes going on with 6B. So I think things had to be put off. Similar to the pandemic, where I genuinely wonder what kind of season four we would've gotten if we'd had the full 18 episodes and hadn't had to work around Covid. I think that when we know there was a big shift going on behind the scenes, we need to have some grace and patience in how that will effect the story that's told on screen.
But I think that this default to "everything good we see on our screens is an accident and the writers are making shitty choices" is a horrible bad faith argument, and it's exhausting. Aren't you exhausted? I'm exhausted. Fandom shouldn't treat the writing and production team like their enemies any more than the writing and production team should treat the fans like their enemies in some kind of war they have to win (looking at you, GoT showrunners).
We are supposed to be annoyed that Buck is missing the point. We are supposed to see Buck's yearning to be a husband and a father, and how he's missing what's right in front of him. We are supposed to put two and two together and see that Eddie was hurt by Buck's words, that Eddie sees Buck, that Eddie is Buck's safe place, and that Eddie in that moment decided he might not have a chance with Buck and needs to move on, because previously we saw Eddie admit he wants romance again but he doesn't want to go out on dates, we saw his aunt say she met her husband through work, we saw him say 'we have time' and then we saw him immediately after Buck tells him about this new girl who "sees him" flee to visit his mother and then immediately actually try dating. On a meta level this is also because Eddie needs confidence in himself as a romantic partner and needs some more experience under his belt before he's ready to take the plunge with Buck, but in Eddie's mind, I think it's pretty clear he feels Buck will never want him back and he's trying to find the love he wants somewhere else, even if his heart is still Buck's.
So that's what I think. I think it's not explicitly spelled out for a few reasons, but frankly if one of them was a woman we wouldn't need it explicitly spelled out and personally I kinda like that it's not. Something that annoys me with M/F pairings is the constant "we all know you two like each other" talks from third parties that half the time aren't about the characters but are about the audience, to either tell the audience SEE THEY LIKE EACH OTHER THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ABOUT or to give the audience some fanservice while the characters aren't ready to get together. I don't need to be pandered to that way, thank you, so I'm a fan of the slightly more subtle approach that I, personally, see going on with Buddie.
If you or anyone else disagrees with me and feels it was just "piss poor writing" then that's entirely your right. I'd just appreciate it if people who feel that way would stop watching the show, and stop putting their complaints into the inboxes of people who clearly do enjoy the show.
TL;DR - You answered your own question, Buck is an unreliable narrator (and always has been) and we are supposed to be frustrated he said this to Eddie who has proven time and again (and does so in that very scene) that he sees Buck.
#lincoln answers things#911 meta#I'd be a lot more open to talking about 6B and the writing#if I felt people understood how much things were clearly going on BTS#and that affected what happened on our screens#and if people were acting in good faith and trusting the writers#I agree that all the fun meta and speculation can become a bit uh#red-string-board for sure#I've seen and even playfully reblogged stuff that I felt was stretching it a bit#but I don't think it's conspiracy thinking or anything of that nature#to assume the writers are able to see what they're putting up on our screens#or that everything good about Buddie is on purpose instead of some happy accident#or that the writers wouldn't do all this stuff if they didn't have the intention of making Buddie canon#because honestly this sort of stuff going on with Buddie I have only seen in two other situations#1. a Xena type situation where the writers could not make it canon but wanted to so did everything else they could get away with#or 2. there was a schism among the powers that be and some or most of the BTS team wanted it but there were others#who did not and so there's a BTS tug of war going on#personally the 911 team seems really united so I don't think it's 2 and I doubt it's 1 but if it is 1 I think the move to ABC will fix that#I think it's more likely it's not 1 or 2 but BTS issues affecting various storylines and writing#(for example when was the last time Athena got a real character arc that lasted a full season like everyone else?)#(when was the last time Athena had genuine growth?)#(I feel like she's mostly the same person she was in season one compared to everyone else's leaps and bounds)#(and that's simply because Angela has been insanely busy filming in other places so she might be in every episode)#(but they can't usually make her a big FOCUS of a season because she hasn't been available)#but I would really like people to presume that maybe just maybe#the people whose careers it is to tell these stories know how to tell these stories#and that not everything we are shown or told by characters should be taken at face value#and that the writers want the audience to do the math themselves#without having to spell everything out constantly#anyway I fucking hate my job and I'm not sleeping well and I'm fucking exhausted so I'm gonna start charging for asks like these
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doux-amer · 2 years
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I watched The Menu and loved it because it featured every single thing I hate about the food world and the arts in general. It’s brilliant because it's multilayered and multi-pronged in its satire and reducing it to just ONE aspect of its criticism (“rich people suck”) is too simplistic; even if you took away their richness, each character from the customers to Slowik and Elsa on the opposite side stands for a certain type of person who interacts with food and I hate every single one of them. :))))))
Also, it's hilarious because 2022 had The Bear and The Menu and people who work in the food industry/service industry or are have some connection to it talked about how they got stressed out by one and felt catharsis through the other. Both of them let them feel seen, but one was feeling seen in a bad way and the other one was in a good way even if you liked both fkasjflksajf.
#i don't particularly want to look at what people say about the menu#because i feel like i'm going to be benafflecksmoking.jpg about it the way i did when i saw some stuff about the bear#there are several things going on and if you just think it's about one thing you're wrong and i don't want to talk to you#like yeah rich people suck but the class and privilege satire got muddied because this is not a case of one good guy#who's a champion of service workers vs. all these rich snobs who make everything suck#but that's the point!#and it's not entirely about wealth because you can't look at someone like tyler for instance and think that's the point#and i assume people think tyler is the stand-in for obsessive foodies#when in reality all of the diners are different types of foodies all of whom are despicable and who are in fact bloodsuckers#although the way that slowik judges some of them is so binary and narrow and he's conflating everyone's sins to the same degree#and slowik is a hypocrite and a delusional egoistic bitter man but he's also not the only one perpetuating the abuse#he is culpable in contributing to the destruction of his own soul and life as well as his passion and the industry#and there are people like elsa who enable that and the way she does her job is just...EVERYONE SUCKS! THEY ALL SUCK!#the only person who's right is margot/erin for a lot of reasons#she is the only one who understood the assignment#the only one who didn't belong there yes...but as someone who's a service worker herself#she understood the fundamental basics of what a dining experience is#what providing that means and what someone is supposed to receive#and acknowledging what goes into it (her acknowledgment of the sous chef as the person who puts in the work#knowing there is a person whereas tyler couldn't give a damn)#what food is there for at the end of the day#even if someone else had gone into that room none of them were capable of coming to that conclusion#anyway i hate the culture around fine dining and i hate foodies :))))#every time i see a fellow millennial say they're a foodie or write that they love food on their ig/dating app profile/twitter bio/whatever#i roll my eyes so hard and it's HATE on sight!!!!!!!#you and everyone else in 2023 buddy!#and you can love food and i know if you love food versus....that#the bear and the menu are great in different ways and i appreciate and like them for different reasons#and i was SO interested in seeing which would stress me out. for me it was the bear (even though i enjoyed it) and the menu was fun#without any stress while the opposite was true for some people who HATED the menu (loved it but felt understood/seen/reminded of stuff)
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sherlock-is-ace · 1 year
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#excuse the upcoming midnight ramble#but man am i awful at socializing...#i messaged an old friend the other day (a highschool friend i haven't talked to in 7 years ✌🏻)#and we had like a 5 message exchange and that's it cause i'm so bad at keeping conversations going#and like she's not dping very well mentally right now so she's not in the mood to keep the convo energy up#and i want to be nice and helpful but i have no right to ask details about her life (i haven't seen her in 7 years)#we're strangers again and i feel like such a creep trying to force myself into her life again#it's been a week since this and I really want to talk to her again but I don't know if i should?#like she was nice to me and said my message cheered her up and that it was nice that k thought of her#but idk of that was like a ''aw cute now let me go back to my life and you go back to yours''#or like a ''aw cute we should rekindle our friendship and just be like we used to''#and i don't want to assume the latter cause that's just creepy but i also don't want to never message her again?#idk if i should push her a bit or like wait until she's feeling better and try again?#i also feel like super selfish cause i'm treating the situation like ''i want a friend and i chose this one idc what she feels or thinks''#and she's not an object just there to be my friend only because i feel lonely?#like it's not her job?#i hate this idk what i can or can't do or what is creepy and what's nice#i hate socializing#angel talks#personal
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itwoodbeprefect · 8 months
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just had the experience of succesfully sounding out แว่นกันแดด in my head, recognizing those sounds ("waen kan daet") as something i'd seen in transliterated script, confidently going "zonnebril!", and then seeing it translated as sunglasses and going wait?? that was wrong?? for a whole two seconds before remembering that no, those words actually do all fit into the same mold, i was just pouring a different language into it by accident
#i made a pancakes-for-dinner sort of sunglasses when they should have been pancakes-for-breakfast sunglasses#is there a paper somewhere on third or fourth language acquisition through a second language? i bet there is. there should be#anyway. there is this (anecdotal? but i assume widely shared) phenomenon i've been thinking about a lot#in which a person hears (or says or thinks) some words. two seconds pass. they can't remember what language the words were in#you remember the content just fine! but the way it got to your brain? who knows#happened to my mother recently when we watched a dutch movie and afterwards she recalled it as 90 minutes of english#because there was a gun in it. which felt american to her#happened to ME recently too in fact. when i had to think hard after being told the boy and the heron had english subtitles in our theater#as we were walking out of the theater!! and the only way i got to a place of going hey yeah! was by remembering a moment#while watching the movie. of consciously going 'huh they chose to translate some of this japanese as 'ain't'. interesting'#and ain't ain't dutch!! definitive proof they DID show that japanese movie with english subtitles in our dutch theater!!#this wall of tags isn't (ain't) going anywhere except. i think the zonnebril confusion is a version of this happening but maybe. like.#with a faint zonnebril echo still in my brain. sunglasses sounds different but for a moment there i didn't realize that's not because#it's a different concept. but because i had pulled the wrong language string attached to this one concept. or something#*#you know what sometimes i kid myself into thinking i don't think about language much more than the average person#but then i look at myself and my half-remembered linguistics degree and every hobby i've ever had and i go hm. hmmmm
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