#and if i say thats me and my friend explaining it to him then what 🧍♂️
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pkciv dash simulator
⭐ my-friend mutuals
I love my IRL friend to death, but I don't think he knows my real name. He just calls me "His Friend".
⭐ my-friend mutuals
I asked him about it and he looked at me funny and said "I mean you are my friend, right?" and I didn't have the heart to press further.
⭐ my-friend mutuals
Beginning to develop a Pavlovian response to the word "friend".
⭐ my-friend mutuals
New username :/
👴🏽 oldchamp-deactivated mutuals
I Cant Feel My Legs
🔄 vineboomsound
are u ok,????? what hapened :(
👴🏽 oldchamp-deactivated mutuals
DMs
🔄 vineboomsound
about to jump into the bottomless void. if i dont post again in like 5 minutes then dont let anyone take the temple decor down
🔄 vineboomsound
i just got jumped?,????
🔄 vineboomsound
THEY R HUNTING ME FOR SPORT :(
🔄 vineboomsound
nvm actaully that was fire. no one here knows how to do three-sixties i got htis
🐢 chain-male follow
hey
🔄 vineboomsound
oh God get me Out of here
🐢 chain-male follow
the "male" in my name is short for mansplain manipulate malewife
🥀 guard1 follow
this job is soooo boooring. at least i get to hang out with the bestie later :D
🔄 vineboomsound
thats great man haha
🔄 vineboomsound
🐢 chain-male follow
@ vineboomsound hurry up bro the level will freeze over before you get back
🔄 vineboomsound
ok asshole you try parkouring on ice and literal glass shards while also evading local authorities.
🐢 chain-male follow
what, you want me to kiss it better??? whiny ass
🔄 vineboomsound
i want you to starve in that sand house
🐢 chain-male follow
you wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid
🥀 guard1 follow
i just don't know what to do now that he's gone.
🖤 allyyyyy follow
sorry for your loss. do you want to hunt the champion and plan our revenge together
🥀 guard1 follow
yeah
🔄 vineboomsound
has anyone heard from @ my-friend lately :(
📕 dustypage-deactivated following
I just remembered my password! :-)
🔄 vineboomsound
well this is gonna be an awkward one to explain
🐢 chain-male follow
i'm so hungry like it's not even funny
🔄 vineboomsound
skill issue im still not giving you my boots
🐢 chain-male follow
i'd rather you just call me a homophobic slur at this point
🖤 allyyyyy follow
questioning my duties
🖤 allyyyyy follow
stalking that guy
🖤 allyyyyy follow
questioning my duties again
🖤 allyyyyy follow
fuck it i'm sending the ask
🔄 vineboomsound
anonymous asked: hey . just wanted to let you know that you're following someone really problematic. check your dms
ummm What !
🔄 vineboomsound
ok what hte fuck !
🔄 vineboomsound
actually this isnt surprising at all what am i saying lmao
🐢 chain-male follow
call me a wife the way i'm pining for a man's long-awaited return
🐢 chain-male follow
and also the way i'm plotting and conspiring
🐢 chain-male follow
call me a wife the way i'm scheming in the kitchen
🔄 vineboomsound
??? HUH
🐢 chain-male follow
dont worry about it <3
🔄 vineboomsound
no yeah his ass is definitely evil
🔄 vineboomsound
his ass........
⭐ my-friend mutuals
Evbo,. send hel p
🔄 vineboomsound
MY FRIEND??????
🐢 chain-male follow
about to make twink death literal in more ways than one <3
end of simulation
#reposted for everyone due to public demand#and by that i mean the two people who replied in the pkciv yaoi community#evbo#seawattgaming#parkour civilization#pkciv#emf pkciv#ally pkciv#seavbo#parkour yaoi#fake post#fishstuff
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"Why do you like Silco from arcane SOOOOO much ?"
Well... number one: father figure of a character i KIN
Number two: his back story is the perfect exemple of ascending into...pure rage and unforgiveness like:
WARNING ARCANE S2 SPOILER !:
He was just a guy who worked with his brother in the mines and both were friends with Vi and Powder/Jinx mother (Felicia) ... yes he was a revolutionary , yes he was like "im too punk and edgy and cool for caring about the future ! Lets make Zaun !" Which was understandable i mean you live in a poor shitty undercity and you are looked down by the Pilities who never have to worry while you are in the slums worried if you will even have a tomorrow (lack of food n water / contaminated food n water , live in the streets for the most unlucky ones etc etc) and the Topside wont hear you , if course you go "FUCK IT LETS RIOT !" ... as we all know Silco fought on the bridge with Vander and Felicia (well maybe she didnt wanna fight because she had Vi and Powder/Jinx so maybe she was with them because she had to run from enforcers ?) ... and Felicia died (we dont know if Silco accidentally killed her wanting to punch an enforcer but in his "high" of "OH MY GOD IM PUNCHING EVERYONE !" or she was already dead (i think its the second option because we can see his face drop as he sees Felicia lifeless like "...no no no hey no this isnt supposed to happen !") ..) , Vander saw Silco at the wrong moment wrong time , and decided to just attack him...
Now just imagine that: you are fighting for your life and your people's lives , and you see your bestfriend dead , and you try to process that shit all while you have raging enforcers running at you wanting to arrest/kill you , and on top of that you have no time to explain or you simply cant explain to your brother why and how y'all best friend died ... and this brother of yours decides to attack you and kill you in the worse ways (drowning + gauging your left eye out) ... all you can think about is "i lost everyone... he hates me ! They all hate me! i hate them all ! Betrayers !" , you dont have time to think "its a misunderstanding ... its gonna be okay" ...
Of course i aint condoneing everything , im just stating the facts like...of course he would turn out this way after that crap ! The opposite woulda surprised me !
Also despite his "im a fucking menace" act... you can see when Vander attacks him again in S1 A3 , his first reaction is to FREEZE and have flashbacks of him being drowned again... THAT GUY STILL GETS MF PTSD LIKE DUDE GO TO THERAPY AND CALM YOUR TITS ! (He has to shake himself off like "WAKE UP HE IS GONNA KILL YOU !" to react)
(No i wont mention how...lame the excuse letter was , i mean , I know vander is shit at this (thats what he says in the letter too bwaha) but...he could have maybe asked for Benzo or someone else to help him write the letter for Silco ? Like instead of just "yeah uhm im sorry uhm...find me at the bar eh ?" (Which would have infuriated Silco even more imo , like imagine you get disfigurated and almost killed and the person who did that gives you a poor piece of paper ? He would have gone like "OH YEAH IM COMING TO THE MF LAST DROP AND IM GONNA KICK HIS DAMN ASS !" instead of "...mehhh fine okay") like an actual "lets have a talk...like two adults" one-)
Thankyou for assisting an episode of: Jinx takes a globally insignificant thing too much at heart !
- Jinx out
#arcane#arcane lol#silco#arcane silco#young silco arcane#vander#I understand that motherfucker#anyways he is a hot bastard#and my father figure#i like him#i have daddy issues and idk which one#.
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new year’s kiss
☆note: hii guys!! ive decided to create a new account here after a small break so please dont go harsh on me 🙏 english is not my first language but i tried my best so i really appreciate all of the support 🫶
☆warnings: mentions of alcohol, drug use, swearning, cheating(?), smuttish but not really smut, fluff
you were high out of your mind, watching a film on your couch with peter (your current boyfriend) you honestly hated him, you hated the way he treated you and the way you basically became a drug addict because of him.
as you two were laying in your apartment that obviously you pay for because peter is broke. Your phone vibrates from underneath your back, you silently lift your back to see who texted you without peter looking into your phone. It was sarah, you best friend since kindergarten saying that she hosts a party on new year’s eve and that you should totally come, you read the message quickly enough for Peter not to be able to and he immediately asks you „who is texting you again?” „oh its just my mom asking if i would want to come to spend new year’s with her” „i want to go to a club baby” he says giving you a small kiss on your forehead „ill go alone then” as a response he just hums and goes back to watching the film
☆☆☆☆
You have decidedto wear your favourite black dress with black thighs and shiny heeles, obviously you changed in the car so you didnt have to worry about fighting with peter that you look like a slut, he hates we you look good and you know it, he thinks that you will chase him for tne rest of his life, he hasn’t realised yet that you are so sick of him, his habits and just his entire personality, you want to kick him out of your place but you know that you dont have enough strength to do it alone.
„hey im here can you come out?” you stare at the text you sent and wait for sarah to respond or at least see the message but then you see her cherry red dyed hair running up to your car „girl cmon youre still scared to come to my house alone?” she says laughing, „im very scared of your neighbours” you respond to her looking over at the house thats right next to sarah’s
As you two were getting ready in sarah’s bathroom blasting music snd makeup just trashed everywhere you ask her „do you have a list who’s coming?” „yeah overhere” sarah passes you her phone with people’s name’s „who tf are these random people” „omg stop you literally know them” you still look at the phone confused as you try to recognise any of them as you notice a familiar name „who’s oscar piastri?” „oh he’s my friend’s friend or something like that, i dont really know the guy. What is he cute?” „i mean..maybe a little?” you still scroll through his pictures curiously „wait aren’t you with peter still?” „we broke up but he still says he loves me and wants to stay at my place but he gives me free weed do i guess its fine” trying to explain how you feel about peter is probably one of the hardest thing to do.
People stared coming to sarah’s house around 8pm and it was just a regular house party with people drinking, smoking or doing other stuff, you were looking out to see if the oscar guy that caught your attention was already here but you could not find him anywhere, after a while you just gave up, not having any hopes about seeing him, you came up to a random guy that was rolling joints and asked to borrow one he agreed after some negotiations and you went to the garden to smoke it in peace, you were sitting beside the pool smoking while a guy comes up to you and sits next to you, you were honestly shocked because wtf is he doing?? and then you notice the similarities between him and the guy that you were stalking on instagram „oh uh you want some?” you ask him shyly not confident at all like you planned in your head to be „yeah sure” he smiles and takes the joint from your hand. You’ve made the small talk while you were sharing the weed and you can already feeling it mess with your head and you can feel your mouth getting dryer by the second. „what your feeling it already?” said oscar laughing a little. „yeah” you said giggling „cmon lets go inside” oscar said standing up and reaching his hand to take yours to help you stand up, you stood up groaning, not wanting to go near people, but as soon you walked into the room full of people dancing to house music you slowly started getting more comfortable and more high. Oscar was right next to you all the time dancing and laughing with you, your just dancing your legs out of any strength at this point you feel so tired as you puy or head on oscar’s chest humming something while people around you are still dancing „hey are you ok? wanna go lay down” Oscar just see you nodding and takes you upstairs.
You were laying on Sarah’s bed in the only room that was left because people were probably having sex in all the other ones, but you weren’t there alone, you were laying on oscar’s chest listening to his heartbeat and listening to his monologue which didnt maks any sense, he probably doesn’t know what’s hes saying either. You never felt so connected and locked with anyone, you could feel his hands on your hair braiding them, you put your head up to look at him and you see his red eyes looking almost closed, you didnt have to look in the mirror guessing that you probably look the same, now your just admiring him and noticing the little moles he has and dimples when hes smiling. In the very awkward moment that Sarah catches you two just shouting fo everyone upstairs to comedown the stairs to watch the fireworks.
„How much do you want to stand up and go downstairs” oscar asks quietly „i have like zero strength left in my body so you would literally have to drag me there” „oh okay so..wanna stay here?” he asks smiling at you „yeah that would be nice” you said giving the smile back.
As you remember that you have something called a phone in your pocket that peter probably has been trying to get an answer for the last couple hours! he thinks your at your moms, you turned off your location so theres no way he’ll find you, you think „whatever all check later”
Oscar and you stood up to sit netxt to eachother while listening to people countdown seconds till new year, you take one more look at oscar and now he had probably noticed you admiring him for so long but he doesn’t do or wants to do anything about it
„happy new year” oscar says to you as he turns his head to you immediately catching eye contact
„happy new year oscar” you say back to him visibly flushed, you close your eyes as you feel his hand on your cheek pulling your lips into his, your tongue immediately started a battle with his fighting for dominance, you have really put all of your left strength into the battle but still lost to Oscar. At this point you two were out of breath and both broke contact, just for him to catch his breath and go back for even more. He picked you up from the bed, you wrap your legs around his hips while he carries you to the bathroom and puts you on the sink that you were getting ready in a few hours ago. Oscar stared to zip off your dress and you were left in your matching lacy underwear immediately teasing you, „you are so gorgeous baby” oscar whispered to your ear sending shivers down your spine while you responded with a moan. „We cant oscar…im sorry” you said quietly but loud enough for him to hear, „huh? why not” he reacted quickly, „peter would kill me if he found out, like literally” „is he your boyfriend or what?” „no, not really, were not together, but he says he doesn’t want to break up and now wont move out, hes like fucking insane” „what the fuck is wrong with the guy, i could never huty you” said oscar gently fixing your hair.
You and Oscar exchanged numbers and you told sarah everything, when you finally checked your phone you saw over 50 missed calles from peter trying to reach you without success, thank god you never gave him your mothers number even though he deemed that many times. you responded to him after few hours saying that you left your phone in the car and thought you lost it, he somehow believed it.
#f1#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 2025#oscar piastri#oscar piastri x reader#oscar piastri x you#oscar piastri smut#oscar piastri imagine#oscar piastri fic#f1 x you#mclaren#mclaren f1
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[image id: a reply from user @cinemaocd saying: “I find if you say CERN people don't know but if you say "Large Hadron Collider" it is more likely to ring a bell. But as a science communicator I never assume people know what CERN is, even people in physics in the US don't know what the letters stand for a lot of times...” /end id]
I did also mention the LHC! But it wasnt until i explained what it was for and then that the LHC was the ‘really big one’ that they got it 😅 which is doubly funny because one of my dad’s friend’s husbands is a nuclear physicist in the us and I’ve 100% explained what the large hadron collider is to him before, lol.
But also, thats fair! I didnt expect them to have an in depth understanding of what it did, but they said they’d straight up never heard of it, which is what through me off. It may be normal though and i just interact with a lot of science-adjacent people.
That being said, i also dont know what the letters stand for, actually (UK based). I know what they *mean*, and that it’s the (swiss) french translation, but i don’t know the actual words lol. I should probably learn that.
Based off a bewildering conversation with my parents, i need extra opinions...
*in this case 'have you heard of CERN' just means do you know that it's a science institute that exists, you don't need to know any specifics about what they do there!
The context for this is that I mentioned CERN to my parents and neither of them had heard about it at all and pointed out they werent really science-y people. I was under the impression that most people knew about CERN, whether or not they cared about science/what happens there, just via cultural osmosis, and now I wanna see if I'm overestimating the average person's scientific awareness or if this is yet another example of my parents living under rocks, lol
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some men are textbook villains fr
#tw religion?#kinda need to rant.. kinda wanna explain what's going on#some ppl are part of humanity but don't know how to be humane... like the guy i started talking to almost 2 weeks ago#liked him a lot bc he was funny sickeningly sweet mature and understanding.. until he was not#tl dr version is that we somehow drifted to the topic religion and i told him im not too religious and don't believe in superstition much#i was extremely respectful and even when he said that he does believe a lot i was like 'thats cool!! different people believe in different#things!!' and at first it was a normal convo until man went all psycho on me (after one damn week!!!) and started talking about how#id have to be religious in a relationship with him.. my dude i barely know your fav food can we not talk about relationships yet#but he says he doesn't even need a woman who cooks/cleans just someone who believes.. n im like i get it but i can't change myself like that#and then guy moves to marriage and is all 'well my entire family is religious' n my mom and sister (who's 16) would be putting pressure on#you n force you to pray etc.. and I'm like???? who can force anyone to a thing like that are u kidding#things escalate and my absolute STUPID ass tells him about my deepest fkn trauma to explain what made me abandon religion bc#life just never got better and this trauma remained for yrs... and he gets so angry that he says he wants to stop talking to me just to spam#me all day next day.. he'd keep messaging me switching between 'i still want you we shouldn't throw this away i have feelings for you'#AFTER A WEEEEEEKKKK!!! and then goes back to 'i wasted my time with you you were so unnecessary im in a bad mood bc of you'#even said 'you'll never find a guy with a trauma and mindset like this. i will find a religious girl but no one will love you like that'#and the worst thing is that he told his friends and mom about the trauma i had just to spite me.. note that he promised to never tell anyone#(and then still asked for forgiveness and for me to rethink whether we want to end this after telling me 473626x he wanted to end it)#(nothing even ever started you bitchass)#also note that his mom knows my mom n basically most of my relatives.. so i was here trembling for days fearing they'd get to know about it#mom somehow convinced her to not tell anyone bc it's important to me and very very fucking personal..#but he harassed me all day - i wouldn't answer and he'd send 55 messages.. multiple missed calls like dude i got so fkn scared#my heart jumped whenever he texted he was so fkn aggressive and SO MEAN#'you just needed to adjust and we would've been okay' 'tell me are u gonna fkn be religious or not????' 'you ruined everything' kinda mean#i just :') it was the worst time and i don't think i've ever seen someone degrade me so much or make me feel this defective#but.. it's finally over. his mom called my mom and mine was like pls teach him some manners.. n since i couldn't and wouldn't text him back#and literally avoided whatsapp bc of him she ended it all for me and now it's hopefully done forever#anyway i saw jks gcf performance yday n him singing still with you put a genuine smile on my face.. ill stick to THAT boyfriend honestly lol#def gonna delete later#but ty for reading if u did <3
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TK/Carlos + Looks
↳ 2.04 Friends with Benefits
#911 lone star#tk strand#carlos reyes#tarlos#tk/carlos + looks#dont ask me how i chose what looks to use from this scene that is made up entirely of cow eyes from BOTH OF THEM#it was a real struggle#i also dont even know what im doing anymore lol making this at 1am send me to bed#something about the way tk looks in that 3rd gif gets me - he's just laid it all out for carlos how insecure hes feeling#and he's so nervous gripping his hands together#but as soon as carlos explains tk's here to reassure him and somehow get him to smile after all of it#that final look right after tk says he'll be carlos' personal shopper if thats what he needs - HEART EYES#thats your future husband right there baby#my gifs#episode: s02e04 friends with benefits#tarlos looks series
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posted all these muppets i drew the other day and i FEAR THAT IF I SAY THE COMMONALITY BETWEEN THEM ALL EVERYONE WILL GET THEIR KNIVES OUT ON ME AGAIN LMFAO
#free my fkn man he aint do noTHINGGGGGGG#leave steve alone ill get the sword out#thats my baby 65yr old man but thats also i love him so horribly bad in a vampiric like shakespearean way#i feel so strongly about this#everyone was a hater lowkey on insta w this#my art#muppets#fraggle rock#frootbats#the muppets#deadass im sorry he didnt do shittttttt#im tired of this im abt to publicly enter battle over this man lmfaoooo#i cant know how to hear any more about how he sucKS BC HE DOESNT HES THE SWEETEST LEAVE HIM ALONE#me included leave him alone i need to not be a freak abt him#trying to turn whatever this is into how i feel abt wembley fraggle. incredibly overprotective for no reason lmfao#my friend met him this weekend and im so unwell about it#only pics ive seen of him recently where he looks like him thats an insane thing to say but his light is gone in a lot of pics w ppl#i feel so much for him and also jim and i literally cannot get into that bc i get ill abt it#i almost got into it in my video and i feel compelled to add some shit back in in a post edit section#oh my god his insta post the other day abt jim dont get me started im fucking sick#also idk what possessed me to draw marlon#im tinkerbell abt this man ive never had this happen so bad lmfao i dont know i cant explain i am drawn to him
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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
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not to be a milennial but harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban really is that bitch....
#mom wanted to rewatch the movies so we've been going thru them <3#talk about a movie thats just like. grief. i turn into the jamie lee curtis halloween trauma supercut#SORRY..... the visuals are peak like that IS the hp vibe to ME and i am BLOWN AWAY this movie was made in 2004 it feels ahead of its time#the first two are so whimsical and magical enrapturing and this movie is like. a well worn cardigan. this feels 2011 cozycore to me#sorry but the introduction of lupin becoming a comforting trusted guardian type of figure AND the dementors representing hollow depression#this 13 yr old whos been kept in the dark on so many things being extra vulnerable prey to them bc of the severe trauma#but getting lessons on how to withstand that creeping dread.. through happy memories... still bonding w lupin increasngly ouagh...#the grief between them both over james and lily. also btw ofc defense against the dark arts being fighting yr fears through laughter. aaaaaa#and then sirius. black. im. i know we meme on the twelve years of it! in azkaban! but as a bitch whos now closer to those characters in age#and can appreciate and understand them obv more than i could when i was. a tween. that just hits like ok shit. VALID#so valid and real to see the child of your friends you knew at that age but who DIED and then see the friend who betrayed them#to see like the best of BOTH of them mirrored and living on in him and be like yknow what???? you WILL be protected frm that same fate#hoooo the briefest moment where harry might hope things will turn out okay. w sirius' name being cleared and peter having to explain himself#and sirius being like hey i get it if you want to stay w your family that is fine but. if you wanna move in w me...#(harry relaying this to hermione later as well. dreaming of a place fr just the two of them somewhere in the countryside#somewhere..... sirius might see the sky..... bc he thinks he would like that after all those years locked up do not even touch me rn.......)#only fr everything to turn to shit two friends fighting w deadly force. the chance to set this right slipping off into the night.#a million dementors descending relentlessly until utter exhaustion and certain death. some strange salvation? fight for a second chance?#but then still havign to say goodbye when they only just GOT this. and everything still being so. god. and lupin having to leave as well.#the thought of sirius also WANTING that guardian type connection but being forced to live in 1. a cave barely living more freely than before#2. then being confined to the stuffy somber abusive home he ran away from as a teen w that portrait still up there and everything.. bitch...#oh man the way i KNOW when we get to ootp (my favourite) its gonna leave me blasted into a million little pieces#the way i know shit like the knowing wink the entirety of the wall tapestry room scene and of course nice one james is gonna DESTROY me..#dont even talk to me abt that dark turn at the end of gof and how everything after gets soooo. god. w everything just getting destroyed and.#i cant even think abt it i cant even talk about it. wah#i dont care btw that they aged those guys up undermining how insanely young these people died. perfect casting fr the remaining marauders ok
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Had a friend ask me the other day if I “notice that people seem to be very protective” of me.
And I said, “no, usually I’m the protective one.”
And I have receipts to back that up but I was not about to start trauma-dumping over it.
And he says “I guess since I feel somewhat protective of you, others might too.”
And like. Here’s the series of issues I have with that:
1) he’s the same age as my immediate-younger brother,
2) Which means I’m older than him by 4 years, and
3) Literally what kind of protectiveness do people think I need?
Like sure, I’m cool with people being protective of me, and I kind of have to be okay with that considering that I AM so protective of others. I don’t let people talk shit about others or themselves, I’m constantly trying to lift people up, and when people vent to me about issues they’re having with others, I’m waiting for an excuse to squeeze myself into the drama and tell people off. Nobody is allowed to hurt my friends.
But I also make the point of reminding myself that my friends are capable people. I remind and sometimes encourage people to eat or sleep or do other self-care tasks, but not because I think they can’t do it alone; I wait until there’s at least an inkling that the need isn’t being met, like if someone messages me at 3AM, or when someone brings up that they’re hungry af.
So I’m careful about how I remind people to take care of themselves. Or at least, I try to be.
But also, there’s this bitter voice inside that’s just like “oh how great, people are protective of me NOW. Where was that energy when I was being abused or bullied or talked down to?”
They didn’t know me yet. And it’s not their job. I want to believe that if shit got bad I’d have help but. I don’t. I want to.
But my closest connections outside of my household live over a thousand miles away. My friends in state? I haven’t known them long enough to expect anything from them. Not even advice.
I just. It’s been bugging me since it was said. And I guess it was a lie, since people are generally trying to help me with things and offer advice. I just didn’t really think of that. Because I know I’m smart, capable, and can handle myself for the most part.
And I have two school friends who really seem to get that balance. The balance of “I know you’re smart and capable, BUT you don’t have to do shit alone.”
They’re the two that I’m closest to, shocker. There’s no feeling that I’m being infantilized. Any defensiveness that relates to me is from a place that I’m comfortable with.
Because ultimately, I’m fine with people feeling protective of me but I’m still a whole entire adult and I can manage my own triggers and most of my own responsibilities. And if I need help I’ll probably ask.
But this kid saying he felt protective of me kind of felt weird, because what could he really do?
#come to think of it#that COULD explain why he made that comment about that joke QB said last semester#but it was misguided because I actively Didn’t Give A Shit#TAG EDIT TIME:#WHEN I SAY I ACTIVELY DIDNT GIVE A SHIT#i mean here’s what basically happened#i made a joke about eating lead or iron filings#I do not remember why#it was a Bit. i was joking#And QB. as I call him online.#said something relating to one of his special interests/his main area of study#and the word ‘eunuch’ was used in relation to this historical detail. and I actually thought the whole thing was interesting#i was fine with this comparison/relation/whatever you want to call it#and the Protective Friend I guess made a comment about how the eunuch part was unnecessary#BECAUSE I’M NONBINARY#HERE’S THE THING: IN MY MIND THATS A RELATION TO TRANS IDENTITY AND I FOUND IT FUNNY AND COOL#I FOUND IT REALLY AFFIRMING ACTUALLY#BUT QB MESSAGES ME MERE MINUTES AFTER WE ALL PARTED TO APOLOGIZE AND SAY IT WASNT A GENDER THING#ITS JUST THAT THEY WERE PROMINENT IN THE BIT OF HISTORY HE WAS MENTIONING#AND I FIGURED THIS WAS THE CASE. I WAS THE ONE WHO MADE IT ABOUT GENDER#I have a lot of thoughts all the time and it’s kinda killing me but I’m fine
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#im sorry but if he really was waiting for me yesterday im gonna have a whole meltdown like oh my GOD??????#like THATS???????????????#n like... ugh that fuckin asshole that said something to him OHHHHHHH !!!!! UGH.#like....... god. ...... .. theres no other explanation. like usually he leaves right away ok. well until he started waiting for me NDNNDMDM#but to do that after an exam... when he like.... just wants to get out of there n study for the next one....#o bro i cant handle this. thats so sweet wtf..... like....... HHHHHHHHHHH GOD.#this Has to be going somewhere like i cant be imagining this. i cant be#n not only would he have wanted to get outta there bc of having to study.... he also literally doesnt like talking to anyone except me n#one of my other friends JDNDMDMDMMDMDMSM#and like he would have been waiting awhile bc like over 20 mins went by between him leaving n my other friend leaving... and then after tha#god im so sad...... i wish that JERK hadnt said anything to him. i bet he would have stayed 😭😭😭😭😭#hhhhhhhhhhh........#n e way NDNNDNDNDMDMMD. im gonna see this until the end.... like lmao theres Something here i can tell......#and like okay even if we just end up friends... like ok maybe i'll be crushed but JDJJDJDJDJDJFJ hes so cute. i wanna keep him forever.....#n like god. hes even cute in a grumpy way which... god thats my weakness forever im just 🥺🥺🥺#its just !!!! hes so honest !!! like always says what hes feeling n then once he says it hes over it. like idk hes perfect to me JZJJZJZJZJ#GOD. im so obsessed. help#and like GOD. i really keep coming back to this post and adding more im JUST.....#his eyes are so kind. like i cant even explain this. i just ... god hes so cute.....#personal
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13 was here
#dont care how dont care why#let me figure out where in her timeline this happens#has someone written this fic yet bc it should exist#theres space between sea devils and potd#there#now two options she can take yaz. not explain anything just like. take her here#12 is here for 3 weeks before clara and missy show up thats plenty of time#or she could go alone#i think i'd have her take yaz - not dan - but then also manage to go a little missing for a bit so she can talk to 12 alone#not tell him who she is but it wouldnt be hard to figure out#she lets him try on her coat he lets her play his guitar#maybe she can come to terms with the whole clara situation a little bit. the missy situation#and then a little later maybe she cant help it and introduces 12 to yaz yaz to 12#and 12 looks at her like. are we just gonna do this again then. we're just doing it again#and shes like no we're not#but she cant say that obviously#but she Can be very forceful that this is Yaz My Friend Yaz#unfortunately missy and clara were also exactly that. that was like the entire thing. FriendsTM#so. this doesnt communicate to 12 what she wants it to. it does manage to crush yazs hopes a little more tho so 👍#no but like the setup here isperfect. they both think theyre about to die. they both have Complicated Entanglements#has someone written this yet
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Started thinking about the Amanda Waller + Ben Turner relationship again.... fuck, I'm gonna need a minute
#I JUST- SHDIAUDJSHDSHEYEYRYRYRY guys. guys#i know none of you see my vision and thats okay. i will make you see my vision. i will force you to see my vision. i will-#like jesus fucking christ oh my god. its so interesting and gives me so many emotions and just!!!#i know im not making sense bc none of my moots are sui sq fans and also like half of the content fucking me up specifically here is in my#head because i cant stop thinking about my absolute power fix it au but like!!!!!!!#also the fact i have a fix it for a comic that isnt out yet is so funny to me. its literally fucking real though. god knows we need it#may my own content carry me through the dark times (extreme villain waller arc)#anyways this fucks me up so bad you dont even know. someday ill actually explain it#dc hire me to write a suicide squad ongoing PLEASE. i could do it so good it would be so fucking good dc PLEASE 😭😭😭😭😭😭#also like this isnt me shipping them btw. like 110% not that. just to clarify.#i wouldnt even call it a friendship bc like. theyre not friends really. he has the most equal dynamic with her i would say but it still isnt#equal. shes v much his boss even though they have an understanding and respect there#like she believes and trusts in him much more than anybody really even himself. like she sees the good man and the leader even when he#doesnt. but she isnt nice about it. and there is a lot of conflict between them when there needs to be#like as much as ben is “wallers man”--the team leader she wanted from the beginning before rick flagg pushed his way in#ben i would say is still a very moral person even when lost and unsure of himself and his goodness (which is like one of his main things)#like i feel like while amanda can lean very into a “the ends justify the means” mindset in her worse moments and do bad things to get#herself out of a corner ben has like a deep and meaningful understanding of how the choices of your methods and how you act can weigh on you#like even though he was brainwashed and whatnot (thats still the story right? i cant remember) he holds a lot of guilt and baggage over his#actions and i think is able to temper amanda's worse tendencies in terms of that by calling her out when he recognizes that behavior#idk. i just really think that amanda waller and the suicide squad as a whole has lost its way without a more moral authority presence there.#like someone who can call her out and keep them more on track. which i really thing ben is and could be#i just very much am interested in their dynamic and how that would look like as equals and how i think they could help each other.#which ofc is what my wip is about and revolves around#blah#sui sq
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Im cursing [REDACTED] right NOW
#god i better never have contact with this guy again or i might flip out on him#im about to ramble about my past “dating" adventures (we were casual but sheesh cant even be friends with this guy tbh)#im realizing months later how much this guy i used to talk to sucked#like DUDE be a better or stay single FOREVER (ΘдΘ)#and by that i mean learn how to better handle approaching others feelings!#god the way he would just shutdown others ppls feelings and it was just an endless loop of “that doesnt make sense” or “thats dumb”#sure emotions can be irrational but if someone is desperately TRYING to explain why they feel a way (even if theyre struggling to be clear)#maybe dont be so dismissive#like literally one time i was annoyed cause talking to him was grating on my nerves#and i was like ik it doesnt make sense so let me step away cause im annoyed#and hes like trying to logic me out of my annoyance???#like worstie im literally walking away so i can cool off#leave it be!#god looking back on all this....#i hope to god whoever hes talking to (if hes talking to anyone) isnt dealing with similar things#ppl can change so ill just hope for that#or maybe he'll meet his match#someone who reflects the same energy he has!#tho im not sure if hed like that haha#the guy seemed to have a lot of relationship problems in general (romantic and platonic) and i wanted to have the benefit of the doubt#but now im thinking maybe his personality was also just clashing with everyone elses#which isnt necessarily a bad thing on its own#gotta get context for everything u know#but in this case....naur#like im a pretty anxious person so how ppl i care about will react to what im doing or saying is constantly at the back of my mind!#so ppl who just come off as flippant about my fee fees annoy me fr#im like “ahh what if i upset so and so” constantly#trying to make sure not to make things harder for them#and they cant even spare me a single thought before doing something and dismiss me when i get upset#but also they wanna come to me when theyre feeling sad about something???
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funny thing happened when i was subbing fourth grade technology today. a boy raised his hand when i introduced myself as miss (last name) and said "there used to be someone who looked JUST like you who worked at after care a few years ago."
"that was me >:)"
and he was like... honestly *____*-facing
#idk how to describe the emotions of the *____* (an underrated fav of mine) thats why art is so much more eloquent than words#tales from diana#some kids realize it's me and im the same person#oh when i was working for the after school program i went by miss diana. important detail#we all did first names except for my coworker who was a para at the school during the day she still went by her last name. naturally#bc that's what all the kids knew her as already#but yeah like my boss was mr. bruce for instance#i had a boy in one second grade class seemingly FORGET me? he was a kindergartener#i had just walked into the room a minute ago and i said '(his name) stop that' and he was like 'how do you know my name?'#uhm. because we've played stratego together.#another girl in his grade (now a second grader) who used to really love me and always seems happy to see me subbing#she asked me one time 'why did you change your name?' 'i didnt!' and she was like: :0000#me explaining to my friends that i have a first AND last name#also in that fourth grade class was my first grader i used to tutor when school was still remote!#he's so big now jesus fuckin christ#he asked me if i. like. PREFER to be called miss (last name) bc w him i just went by diana#and i was like 'well. you know my name and thats ok but just call me what all the other kids are supposed to call me' lol#if you run into me at the grocery store you can say hi diana. at school it's miss b#he's funny he always doesn't like to seem too attached or affectionate (he was like that when he was young too) but i can tell#he's always happy to see me around :)
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damn was it refreshing to be able to talk abt being aroace w someone without being met with condescending "you just havent found the right person yet" "you'll be so lonely though" "you'll grow out of it" comments and instead genuine attempts to understand and even voluntarily looking up more information on it like it rly isnt that hard!!!!! die amatonormativity why cant more people just simply go oh okay thats swag just like that!!!!!!!!!
#duck rants about something#im rly grateful to my friend i havent met someone as understanding as him in a long time ;u; glad to know her#a different friend who i think was interested in me i tried to explain to once . several times did he ask if i was Sure i would never like#anyone romantically and if i really wasnt interested in guys ever and i dont know what to tell you man i like you as a friend but i rly#dont think itll ever go there how many times do i have to say it#and even. from my childhood friends ive known since kindergarten#EVEN IF I DO MEET THE ''RIGHT PERSON'' ITS NOT FOR YOU TO DOUTB ME AND MY IDENTITY !!!!!!!#yeah sure you had another friend who id-ed as aroace once. and then when she got a boyfriend she got sooo sappy and lovey dovey#well thats!!! not me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! her experiences are not universal i genuinely dont think its gonna happen and i do not mind nor parti#cularly want it to anyways!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! leave it at that !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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