#and if I start posting fics that contradict what I’ve already written it’s not a coherent universe anymore

[meta-susie]

btw i have lots of fic ideas and headcanons if anyone wants to ask me abt them

[street-smarts00]

Complimentary Colors

Spencer Reid x BAU!Reader

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WC: 7.3K

Summary: After recently joining the team, you and Spencer could never get along. What started off as you two ignoring each other turned into bickering at work. What happens when a stressful moment for you turns into an opportunity to get to know this fascinating coworker of yours?

tags: enemies to lovers, fluff, brief mentions of crime/murder at the beginning (talking about cases/kidnapping), reader is shy and anxious, reader looks young for her age. (reader might be female but i don’t think i specified)

A/N: I haven’t written anything in years and I’ve been on a criminal minds kick for a while. I had this idea loosely based off a prompt I saw on cai by (ApolloTheBoykisser) so thanks babes ;) also for once I had a fic of mine beta read lol my bestie beta read this for me. This is also posted on my AO3 page.

You had been working at the BAU for the last few weeks. You tried to get to know most of your coworkers and it seemed like you were making great progress. You had heard a lot about the team before you joined and were pretty intimidated by them at first. Okay- you were still pretty intimidated by them. But you pushed through your quiet exterior little by little and slowly but surely tried to get to know them. 

All except for Spencer Reid. It seemed like he was trying to avoid you. He was always very quiet and would barely talk to you. Being a shy person yourself, you thought maybe he was just shy or a quiet guy. However, he continued to ignore you except for when he had to acknowledge you for work. 

His coldness towards you was increasingly annoying as time went on, and your perception of him had slowly warped. The things about him you once found endearing, you now forced yourself to hate about him. If he rambled for too long, it could potentially make your blood boil. However, you could never stop paying attention to when he rambled on about facts or statistics. You didn’t want to admit it, but you found him fascinating.

It didn’t take that long for him to start acknowledging you, but this soon turned into the two of you bickering like children. When you were discussing cases or profiles, you both would argue over motives, victimology, crime scenes- literally anything about the case- you two could turn it into an opportunity to contradict the other. You both still kept a level of professionalism to not let your rivalry affect your job. 

But there was always this tension between the two of you when you were in close quarters for too long. 

And at some point you both reached your boiling point. 

Last week, while the team was on a case, you and Spencer had gotten into a little spat once again. This time it went beyond the slight bickering or contraction. In the middle of the local precinct, you two were at each other's throats. 

“What was that?” You asked after you and Spencer left the interview room that held a victims family. 

“I was working off of the profile . . .” 

“You mean the profile we haven’t finished?” You interrupted. “The one we are still currently working on and have yet to disclose?” 

“That doesn’t mean we can’t work off of the information we already have,” he objected. 

“You told her information we are still unsure about. We don’t know for a fact how long he keeps them alive,” you accused while placing your hands on your hips, trying to conceal your frustration but failing.

“Guys.” Someone tried to tone things down. Neither of you heard who and you weren’t backing down.

“If I remember correctly, I heard you discussing this very subject and inputting your thoughts  . . .” 

“You still shouldn’t have told her! Especially when you don’t know for sure if her daughter could be alive,” you seethed stepping closer.

“Would you rather me hide everything from the mother who’s suffering from the disappearance of her daughter?” He asked, matching your tone and taking a step forward. 

“I didn’t say that!” 

“It sure sounded like it.” 

“Reid. Y/N.” The two of you turned your heads to your boss like two deer caught in headlights. 

“With me, now.” Hotch demanded and led you to an empty interview room. 

You could tell how angry he was- despite the fact that his stoic face represented almost every emotion in the book. But by the tone of his voice, you knew you and Spencer had messed up. 

“You two do not only represent this team, you represent the bureau. These cops are already not pleased with the idea of their boss calling us in and I do not need you arguing in front of them and giving them a reason to take us off this case. You must learn to respect and cooperate with one another or I will take you both off this case. Do I make myself clear?” He lectured. 

You both replied with a monotone “yes.”

“Good” 

Ever since your argument, you both had been relatively quiet towards one another. Like it had been in the beginning when you were ignoring each other. But that didn’t stop you from letting him invade your mind at every waking minute. It almost saddened you in a way there was no more bickering or quick remarks with him. With how much it annoyed you, you never thought you would miss it. 

The team had just finished a case and before everyone packed up and went home, Rossi announced that tomorrow everyone should come over for a little ‘get our minds off work’ get together. Your coworkers all thought it was a great idea to relax after the last few very stressful cases. 

As excited as you were to finally go to one of Rossi’s house parties, you were also scared shitless. Parties with relatively new people in your life were hard. You were so quiet around new people and were scared to approach others; you often waited to be approached. To you, being a profiler was easier than having a social life. 

But, maybe this time would be different. There’s not that many people on the team and you’d already started to familiarize yourself with them. 

The next day, you were pulling up to Rossi’s house. If there was anything else to be intimidated by with this man- besides his years of experience in the BAU- it was this giant house. You were greeted by the man himself at his front door. 

“Y/N, glad you could make it.” He opened the door and welcomed you in. 

He led you inside to where everyone else was gathered. Everyone was cheery at your arrival. Penelope with her clicky heels ran up to you and greeted you with a hug. It was refreshing to be around people who were so welcoming. It made it a little bit easier to really let your walls down. 

Well, almost everyone. Spencer gave you a small wave from where he stood. 

The night continued on and you would occasionally engage in conversation with the team. At this point, you were off to the side- standing in the kitchen and occasionally sipping some wine that Rossi had been bragging about and was just so excited for everyone to try. You were a bit too overwhelmed to go back to talking. The music was getting a bit loud and the lights seemed to be too bright. You opted for sitting on the barstool next to the counter and observing everyone around.  

They were all off in small groups or pairs around the house. All except for you and Spencer. He was another outlier and standing away from all the commotion. You looked over in his direction and he caught your eye. You both glared at each other and you quickly averted your gaze away from him. Your thoughts started to race and you began playing with your hair. 

After a moment, he glanced over in your direction again when you weren’t looking. He was unintentionally profiling you and noticed you getting overstimulated. Your eyes laser focused like you zoned out, your foot tapping against the chair, and your hand anxiously playing with your hair. 

While he wasn’t exactly your friend, he did understand what it felt like when social gatherings got overwhelming. He made his way over to you, careful not to make you more nervous or uncomfortable. 

“You okay?” He asked you. You were pulled away from spacing out. His voice sounded a bit concerned- which took you by surprise. You were partially relieved someone approached you to help bring you back down to earth. That someone noticed something was off. What confused you was the fact that person was Spencer. 

“I’m fine.”

He was well aware of what it meant when someone was “fine” and you were clearly not fine. He felt bad that you were so quick to shut down his attempt to check on you. After all, it was his fault and he knew that. 

“Do you wanna step outside?” He asked. 

You were conflicted. You didn’t want to be outside alone with him, but at the same time, you needed some time away from everything. Maybe it would help calm your nerves. 

“Maybe for a bit.” 

You followed him outside onto the back patio. You took note of the fresh air and the muffled sounds from inside. It all felt like a weight lifted off your shoulders. Pretty soon though, you realized how awkward it was to be outside alone with him. 

Spencer cleared his throat and spoke to break the silence, “Sometimes these parties can be . . . a lot.”

“A little bit. I was doing fine for a while but I think my social battery is running low.” You confessed to explain your discomfort. 

“Yeah” he replied. He appreciated the fact that you felt comfortable enough to express this with him. He tried to relate to you. “It’s the same with me. Sometimes I just need a moment to collect myself.” 

“Exactly.” You were relieved to hear that he felt the same way. “Plus it doesn’t help that I'm so new to the team.” You crossed your arms and slightly closed yourself off.

“I was the same way when I first joined.” He told her to try and ease your concerns. You were just like him at some point. The new guy and just trying to figure out how you fit in. 

“It’s difficult at first, but you settle down after a bit. Once you get to know everyone.” 

“Yeah it’s just the whole getting to know them part is a bit . . .” You abruptly stopped, hesitating to reveal too much to him.  

“A bit what?” 

“Intimidating,” you confessed, avoiding his eyes.

He obviously noticed your hesitance and avoided his usual behavior with you. You were always so strong and quick to banter with him. But now you seemed vulnerable, and he didn’t want to take advantage of that. 

“It’s not just you, I promise.” He was being honest. This was the calmest and most genuine conversation the two of you had ever had. “I find them all pretty intimidating.” 

Your eyebrows raised at his confession. How could he possibly be intimidated by these people?

“Really? But you’ve known them for so long. You all are so close.” 

“Close doesn’t mean you can’t be a little intimidated,” he replied. It might not make much sense, but it was the truth. 

“I mean Hotch is always stonewall and silent, no matter what you say to him. And don’t even get me started on Morgan.” He joked, knowing you would understand. 

You lightly chuckled at his joke. “I get what you mean.” You were starting to understand him more. You thought it was ironic that one of the team members you were first intimidated by was also intimidated by the team. Now he was starting to seem less intimidating or annoying and more approachable. You kinda liked seeing this new side of Spencer. 

“I guess I’ve always been like that. Worried to get to know people or open up.” You weren’t entirely sure why you were telling him this, but you knew he would understand. 

"I think when you're afraid of being hurt or judged or misunderstood by people, you try to keep your guard up." He told you, speaking from experience. From a young age until now, he's always felt misunderstood. 

"And I think...maybe that's why you're on edge with me? You're not sure what to expect from me."

“Are you profiling me?” You asked jokingly. Spencer however thought you were serious and you noticed him tense up. 

“I’m kidding.” Your expression softened to let him know you weren’t actually accusing him of profiling you. “I’m gonna be completely honest, I’ve been on edge with you cause I thought you didn’t like me.” 

He was a bit taken off guard by your statement. But at the same time, he couldn't deny it. He didn't dislike you now, but at first, he wasn't exactly fond of you. And now he was ashamed of that.

"I didn't like you." He admitted. "I thought you were pretentious, too eager to be accepted. I think I saw you as competition." 

Spencer’s comment did sting. It was never sunshine and rainbows to hear someone doesn't like you. However, you did take note of his language. He said “didn’t,” “thought” and “saw,” all past tense. Does this mean he doesn’t dislike you now? What you did appreciate was his reciprocated honesty. You both were making some progress in your relationship and you wanted to continue it. 

“I was eager to be accepted. I wanted to feel like I belonged.” 

“I know how you feel.” He expressed his sympathy. “I regret not giving you a chance. You’re not like I thought you were.” He also appreciated seeing this different side of you.

“You’re not like I thought you were.” You admitted. 

A little smirk tugs at his lips, “So I’m not as pretentious and selfish as you thought?” 

You lightly chucked, “I never thought you were selfish, but I did think you were a ‘know-it-all’ and trying to show off.” 

Spencer really didn’t want you to think he was a show off. Sure- he had a vast amount of knowledge, but he never wanted you to think he was bragging or that he knew better than you. “I do know a lot but I promise I’m not trying to show off. I just have all this information in my head and I want to share it with people or I’m really passionate about something and want to talk about it.” 

You understood that feeling all too well. There were so many times you wanted to ramble on about things you cared about or had knowledge on, but for the most part just stayed quiet. Meanwhile, he didn't keep quiet. He would go on and on. And while almost everyone else was either rolling their eyes or trying to shut him up, you were listening intently. You didn’t want to admit it back then, but now you were feeling up to it. 

“I will admit, while I did think of you as a know it all, I found a lot of your tangents interesting.” You admitted. 

His eyebrows raised in surprise. He was so used to people dismissing him. It was nice to hear you often would listen. “Really? You didn't mind me babbling on?" He asked, relieved with your response. 

"I mean, it is something I have trouble with. I tend to talk too much.” 

“Oh Dr. Reid I am very familiar with rambling and being worried about talking too much.” You paused for a moment- considering how much more you wanted to share with him. “I know it may not seem like it because I’m always quiet around the team but.. once I get comfortable around people, I actually get very rambly”

"You do?" He asked, sounding surprised. “About what?”  

“Really anything. Mostly things I’m passionate about like you. I’ll also tend to go on tangents about memories or just things happening in my life.” 

You made your way to a bench on the patio as you spoke. Spencer followed and sat down on a chair adjacent to you. You brought your attention back to him and noticed his focused gaze on you and he quickly licked his lips, a habit you noticed he did all the time.

"You really are a lot like me. You're just quieter at first." He added, teasing you a little. While he was not one for social cues, he had the sudden urge to be bold and make a joke. "Maybe next time I see you rambling, I won't immediately contradict you." 

You dramatically dropped your jaw and placed your hand over your heart. “Wow, you really know how to give a compliment,” you said, pretending to be offended. 

He laughed with a bright grin. "I'm sorry. Let me rephrase. The fact that you're so silent and reserved makes it that much more thrilling when I find out how much of a chatterbox you actually are." He joked, being playful as before.

Your cheeky smile slightly falters for a moment. You hoped he wouldn’t notice but he did. “I think you won’t be so thrilled once I actually turn into a chatterbox around you.”

"Actually I think I would find it intriguing." He told you, looking directly into your eyes. "The quiet ones tend to be the most interesting and complex when they do end up talking."

“I’m not that interesting.”

“I beg to differ. You’re very interesting. Probably the most interesting person on the team.” 

Did he really say that? Did he mean it? Or was he just being nice? You tried not to profile him, but couldn’t help it. His body language expressed he was being honest. Uncrossed legs and arms, open palms, eye contact. The only thing you didn’t notice when studying his body language was his dilated pupils. 

“Thank you,” you smiled at his compliment, “I doubt I’m the most interesting though. You maybe, Mr. Three PHDs and can read 20,000 words per minute.” 

He smiled back at you, “Just because I'm well educated doesn’t mean you can’t be as interesting as me, if not more.” 

You couldn’t believe he was saying such nice things to you. This was the first time you guys were actually making some kind of connection.. and it felt wonderful. 

“I still can’t believe we’ve known each other for this long but are just now talking. And by talking, I mean not getting into a spat after speaking for more than 3 minutes.” You confessed with a hint of playfulness in your voice at your joke. 

“Yeah, I feel like I barely know you.” 

“What would you like to know?” You asked. 

He thought for a moment trying to think of a question to ask. You noticed once again that he licked his lips, trying to concentrate. 

“Let’s start with something simple. What’s your favorite color?” He asked. 

“Wow, I think that’s a bit too personal.” You said, voice laced with sarcasm. You tried your hardest to contain your amusement but started to smile. He smiled back at you. At first, he was always confused with sarcasm and social cues. To be honest, he still was. But he could just tell with you. He knew when you were joking and when you were being serious. He found your sense of humor amusing. 

“Yellow.” You answered. “What’s yours?” 

“Purple.” He replied. 

You intended to leave it inside your head- but a quiet “huh” made it past your lips as an idea came into focus. 

“What? Is it my choice for my favorite color?” He tried to joke with you but was also a little bit serious. 

“Oh no, it's just I thought it was interesting because those are complementary colors. You know how they are opposite on the color wheel?” You asked even though you figured he knew. 

He nodded his head, “Yes! Because they are on opposite ends of the color wheel, when they’re used together it creates a vibrant contrast and enhances visual appeal. The two colors almost balance each other out and support each other's intensity. Complimentary colors are a key component to color theory.” He suddenly noticed how long he was talking and his posture stiffened. He pressed his lips into a thin line and avoided eye contact. “Told you I talk too much.”

“And I told you that I find your rambling interesting.” 

His head perked back up at you. You genuinely wanted to listen to him. It was refreshing to talk to someone that didn’t cut him off or zone out. 

“That’s kinda like us though, don’t you think?” 

“What’s like us?” He asked confused, still thinking about the fact that you actually enjoy listening to what he has to say. 

“How our favorite colors are complimentary colors. Like you said, they support each other's intensity. When you first see them they’re opposites, but the more you look the more they compliment each other.” 

He softly smiles. “That does sound like us. The more we learn about each other, the more we find we have in common.” 

There was a short pause where you both considered his statement. You did want to know more about him. You wanted to know all of him. 

“Can I ask you a question this time?” 

“Of course.” 

“So, you're always reading. Like everywhere you go, you carry a book with you. I wanna know: what’s a book you could read over and over again and never get tired of?” You wanted to know beyond his favorite color. You wanted to get to the various  building blocks that made him the way he was. 

Spencer considered your question for a moment. Trying to go through the near infinite list of books he’s read in his life. You could tell he was concentrating on his answer because licked his lips. “Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens.” 

“Is he one of your favorite authors?” 

“Yes.” He said almost immediately, confident in his answer. 

“How come you like that book so much?” You asked.

You could see this sort of spark enter his eyes the more you asked about it. Giving him the chance to share his passions. ”Oliver Twist was one of the first books that used satire to deliver social commentary. Particularly in this book the social commentary was aimed at poverty in 19th century England. The book also quickly gained attention after its publication due to the scandalous subject matter in which crimes, such as murder, were depicted in detail.” 

Spencer finally stopped rambling and almost looked as if he caught his breath from the endless talking. But what he was met with was your undivided attention.

”That sounds really interesting, maybe one day I should give it a read.” You say with a soft smile.

“You should,” he matched your smile, but it seemed a bit more sheepish due to his brief tangent. “Have you ever read Charles Dickens before?”

You shook your head in response. “I’ve never read anything by him. I actually don’t read much. But I used to in high school.” You revealed. 

“What have you read?” He asked. He leaned slightly forward and unconsciously mirrored your body language and placed his right hand on his leg like you did yours.

“Pretty much the same books everyone else had to read for school.” You paused and tapped your fingers trying to refresh your memory.

“To Kill A Mockingbird, The Great Gatsby, 1984, um.. a few Shakespeare books.” You answered with the few books you could remember. 

“Which one did you like the most?” 

“I’m not sure”, you sighed and thought about his question, wanting to give him a genuine answer. “Maybe.. Macbeth. I remember finding the story interesting and I did a group project on Macbeth and Lady Macbeth's descent into madness. Like the scene where she’s hallucinating the blood on her hands.” 

Your voice started to pick up speed and volume ever so slightly. He could tell you were getting more passionate the more you spoke. Subtly displaying how you could ramble once you opened up to someone. He smiled as you continued, happy to see that you felt comfortable enough around him to let a hidden part of yourself out into the open. 

“I guess that kinda explains why I wanted to be a profiler and learn about psychology and forensics. I was interested in how Lady Macbeth's guilt manifested and caused her delusions. I wanted to understand why people did the things they did.”

“I can tell, you have this curiosity. You want to understand. Know the ‘why’. He mentally recalled the times you would express your curiosity during work. 

“Yeah, pretty much.” 

He pressed his lips in a line. “Is it- is it my turn to ask you something now?” He stuttered slightly. 

“I mean you don’t have to. It’s nobody’s ‘turn’ but you can if you want.” 

“I do.” He replied immediately. The corners of your mouth perked up into a small smile. He mirrored you.

“I may be stealing your previous question. Like you said you don’t read much. But I have noticed you listen to music a lot. I want to know a song you could listen to over and over again.” 

He was right, you often listen to music. Mostly on your way into work or on the jet, you would be wearing your signature headphones and have some playlist on. It was your own way of coping with the stress of your job. You looked down at the ground as you recalled the songs in your favorite playlist. 

“Dreams by The Cranberries.” You brought your eyes back up to face him. But what you saw was confusion in Spencer’s eyes. He tried to hide it but you knew better. “Have you heard that song?”

He did that little sideways pout you often saw him doing when he was in awkward situations.

“I’m not sure,” he replied. Spencer broke eye contact, embarrassed he didn’t know something from pop culture. 

“It’s okay. Remind me next time I have my headphones and I’ll show you.” You spoke calmly to reassure him there was nothing to be embarrassed about. 

He brought his attention back to you. Relieved to hear your gesture instead of a quip about his lack of pop culture knowledge like he was used to. 

“I will.” 

“Alright my turn.” You shifted your weight and brought your legs up to your side so your whole body could face him. “Um, it's kind of a personal question though. I’m curious about something.” 

“Go ahead. What is it?” He asked, giving you his whole undivided attention. 

“Does it ever bother you when people question your age when you say how educated you are?” 

He was somewhat thrown off by your question, but something told him you've wanted to ask him this for a while.

He furrowed his eyebrows, “I wouldn’t say it bothers me. Considering I have had such an extensive education so early in my life, it’s completely understandable that someone would question how I did it at a young age.” 

“Hmm,” you hummed in response. He knew that wasn’t the answer you were looking for. 

“Can I ask you something personal?” He asked before asking his real question. He appreciated your concerns about potentially pushing a boundary and he reciprocated it. He didn’t want to break this newfound friendship- if he could call it that- by making you uncomfortable. 

You nodded your head, silently telling him it was okay.

He slightly fidgeted with his hands. “Did you ask me that because people question your age?” 

“Yes,” you answered hesitantly. “I’ve never looked my age.” 

He thought about his next question before asking. “I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, I’m just trying to understand. Why does that bother you?” 

“It bothers me when people don’t take me seriously. I mean I’m in my late 20s and some people still think I look fresh out of college. It hasn’t happened as often since I joined the BAU but so many people in law enforcement don’t take me seriously. People tend to think I’m too innocent to have a job like this.” You confessed to him as you avoided looking him in the eyes.

"I wouldn't say you're innocent.” His comment brought your eyes back to him. 

“But you do have a soft demeanor. It makes you approachable. If anything, those qualities are an incredible asset to this job whether it be when you're speaking to victims or their family members.” 

Even though he would often throw snarky retorts to you in the past and try to get under your skin, he always admired how good you were at your job. Of course, you were an amazing profiler and had no trouble standing against dangerous unsubs. But the way you handled incredibly sensitive situations with such calmness and comfort with others was admirable. During cases with children, you were able to ease their worries and provide a safe space.

“While you are very sweet and shy, I would never call you innocent.”

“Thanks,” you smiled at his compliments. You felt understood hearing his affirmation. It also warmed your heart to hear that he thought so highly of you. Especially since the last few weeks, you thought he hated your guts. Although- his comment did make you more curious about how you were perceived. “Half the time I don’t realize how shy I am or how I present myself,” you weakly chuckled.

“There were actually a lot of ways to deduce that you're shy,” he matched your lighthearted tone but also kept a sense of seriousness to prove he was being genuine.

“Was it the fact that I was sitting by myself and scared to talk to them?” You half joked as you figured that’s what he was going to imply.

"That was part of it, yes. But besides that, it was the way you often avoid direct eye contact, and the tone of your voice. It's gentle and low, as if you're afraid of coming on too strong.” He was too caught up in his thoughts and observations to realize how much he was divulging. “You keep your distance and your words are always measured or not overly assertive. Almost like if you do come off assertive you will receive backlash." 

When he met your eyes again, he noticed how frozen you were. On the outside you didn't reveal much, simply had a stoic expression. He knew you better than that. He knew that he had hit a nerve and started to panic that he went too far. He had finally wrecked this slowly growing friendship like he thought he would, by being himself. 

“Wow, yeah that sounds pretty spot on,” you agreed. You sounded soft spoken and played with your hair again, of course without your knowledge.      

“I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” He abruptly spattered in a panic.

“No it’s okay really,” you interrupted trying to reassure him. “I just didn’t expect you to be so ... correct.” 

He pressed his lips into a thin line, relieved he didn't mess things up, but still slightly worried he had left you feeling exposed. "I guess I'm just good at noticing things about people,” he shrugged.

“You forget, we get paid to notice things about people,” you joked with him, trying to make him feel better by lightening the situation. Of course, it worked. 

"That's true." He chuckled and paused for a moment to consider. Then he continued with his profile of you. 

"It's just the way your voice softens whenever you become uncomfortable, almost whispering or lowering in tone. Or your nervous habits, like when you play with your hair." It was a gesture he was pretty keen on catching.

You suddenly were very aware of the fact you were playing with your hair. You quickly dropped your hands and crossed your arms. 

"It's not bad that you do that, you know,” his voice had a slight crack in it. “It's just something you do subconsciously." He told her, trying to be comforting.

“Do you wanna know something you do subconsciously?” You asked, your voice with a hint of teasing. You decided that if he was going to profile you, you were going to profile him back. 

He noticed your tone and that you had gained a bit more confidence. "Sure, hit me." He said as he awaited your reply with curiosity and interest.

“You poke your tongue out a lot or lick your lips. Most of the time when you’re concentrating or lost in thought. Which means you definitely need to start using chapstick. I’ve seen you do it a lot since we’ve been out here.” You explained.

"So, are you telling me my lips are dry?" He replied playfully, his grin widening.

“They probably are,” you lightly laughed at the silliness of his question. He laughed along with you and subconsciously went to lick his lips again, but caught himself.

“I'm gonna be thinking about this so much more now,” he confessed. 

“Consider it payback for pointing out how much I play with my hair when I'm anxious. I don’t know what to do with my hands now,” you remarked as you dramatically waved your hands in the air.                                 

“Sorry,” he awkwardly apologized.

“I already told you it’s alright. You're not the only one who analyzes behavior. I’ve noticed plenty of things you do and why you do it.” 

“Like what?” He furrowed his eyebrows, curious what particular things about him you had profiled. He noticed something though. The confidence you once had, had washed away after you collected your thoughts.  

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” you stated.

"You won’t make me uncomfortable,” he responded almost immediately. “I promise. I really want to know.”

You took a deep breath before explaining your observations. “You desperately want to be heard. You love to share the endless knowledge you have, but when someone walks away or cuts you off your reaction is almost that of deflating. And when someone does show a bit of interest in what you have to say your voice perks up and almost cracks with excitement. Then you talk a lot faster, probably a mixture of excitement and as a way to keep the other person engaged and to not lose their attention.” 

Spencer carefully listened to every word you said. Not a single deduction was false. You had read him like a book in the short time you knew him. You noticed something about him that most of the team couldn’t pick up on. 

"You're right about everything,” he said with a soft tone. Almost everyone interrupted him, you never did. This got him thinking. Of course everyone on the team made observations about each other, they’re profilers of course. However, he wondered why you had made so many about him. 

"Are you always this observant about everyone? And I mean everyone. Or is it just me that gets the special treatment?" He asked his last question with a hint of a teasing tone.

You scoffed, “yeah right, like you get special treatment.” You thought about your response, not wanting to reveal too much.

“I guess I might have paid attention to you because you were the only one who was so closed off to me. I wanted to know why. I wanted to know who you were even if you weren’t going to tell me.” 

He was right, you were paying him special attention. The fact that you wanted to know who he was despite his closed off nature revealed enough. 

“So you admit it, I get special treatment?" He cheekily asked. 

“Oh shut up,” you retorted. 

“Make me.”

Your lips pursed, holding back a smile. 

Spencer noticed you were trying to hold back a smile and found it endearing. He also noticed something else about your reaction. You were blushing. You blushed as a result of his taunting. He got lost in the thought of you blushing from him. 

“Something you wanna share with the class?” You teased. 

He didn't want to admit it, not yet at least. He wanted to make you sweat just a little bit and get a reaction out of you. 

"I'm curious about something. Could you tell me what would cause someone's cheeks to flush?" He tried to seem genuine but of course he came off with a hint of cheekiness. 

You furrowed your eyebrows. You were completely oblivious to your red face and were confused by his random inquiry. 

“Are you questioning my profiling skills?” You lightly scoffed, not knowing what his true intentions were.

"No, not exactly. I just want to know what you think.”

Your expression changed to one of confusion but also amusement. You decided to play along with his little game.

“Well psychologically blushing could mean a multitude of things. Embarrassment, stress, anxiety, attraction.” While your voice stayed consistent, he noticed the change in your breath and how your eyes darted away from him. It was a brief expression, but he caught it. He got the answer he was looking for.

"And which one of those can explain why you’re blushing?" He raised an eyebrow and smirked as he leaned closer to you.

Your stomach dropped and eyes widened. You shifted your weight in your seat and touched your cheeks. “I’m not blushing..” You ignored his question.

"You are.”

You sighed and stood up, “Well if I am it’s probably because you just pointed it out and I’m embarrassed.” 

"Oh, really?" He taunted and followed you. "I think that you might be blushing for a different reason."

You bit your lip out of frustration and crossed your arms. “Are you profiling me Spencer?” 

"Maybe I am,” he smirked. "I would say that maybe you've been so interested in me that you've been paying a lot of attention. That's why you took note of so many of my habits and behavior." 

Your face got redder and you started playing with your hair again. You huffed, “I told you before, the reason I paid attention to you was because I didn’t know you.”

"Sure, but you pointed out how you kept noticing I licked my lips. Why were you looking at my lips in the first place?"  

You were caught between a rock and a hard place. “Why are you so interested in why I’m blushing or looking at your dumb face anyway? Why do you care so much?” You asked defensively. 

He couldn’t respond, he froze up. 

“I mean, you question why I pay so much attention to you but here you are doing the same thing to me. Trying to read me like a book,” you accused. 

He cleared his throat and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I guess we're both curious about each other."

“I guess we are,” you responded. You saw his cheeks turn pink in reaction to your questioning. “Look who’s red now.”

If his face could even get redder, it did. For a man that could probably say a thousand words a minute, it seemed like none of them could fall from his lips. 

It was your turn to smirk. “I can’t believe I’ve managed to leave you speechless. Never thought that would happen.”

"Shut up,” he sheepishly scoffed. 

“Make me.”

Spencer felt his stomach flutter, he smiled bashfully at your mimicking his own teasing. The seconds passed and neither of you spoke, neither of you had words. Both of you in your own heads. In your head, you got a stroke of confidence. You didn't know where it came from, maybe the teasing, maybe the fact that you had him speechless. But you took it and ran with it.

”Maybe the reason you wanted to know why I was blushing so badly, is the same exact reason I was blushing,” you mumbled. 

The realization hit him in waves. You just admitted to the very thing he was trying to get out of you in the first place. He was speechless once again, but this was different. He stared at you with a stunned look, not knowing what to do. 

You took his blank expression as a negative reaction, thinking you came off too strong. You slowly backed away from him, regretting putting yourself out there. 

“Sorry. I don’t know why I said that. Just forget it.” You turned around to go back inside but felt something on your wrist. You turned around and saw Spencer had grabbed your wrist to stop you. His eyes wide and breath heavy.

"No. Don’t,” he begged. 

"Really?" You whispered softly. 

He smiled, "yes. Please don't take it back."

You smiled back at him bashfully. Spencer’s reaction make your stomach do backflips, but it made you wonder. 

"Can I ask, why did you pay such close attention to me? 

He released his light grasp on your wrist and instead placed your hand in his. "I couldn't stop analyzing every single detail about you. I wanted to know you inside and out. There was something about you that felt intoxicating. After every time I spoke to you, even if it was just us bickering or arguing, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.” 

He looked down at your joined hands and started to rub his thumb over your hand. You looked up at him and smiled, glancing at his lips. “Well you definitely must be thinking about something now, you licked your lips.”

He couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed. You made him feel like he was on full display, like he was a book that only you could read. 

He slightly blushed at your comment. “I am. Can you guess what I'm thinking about?"

You grabbed his other hand with yours as a smirk grew on your face, “How close we are. How it’s probably driving you crazy..” You nearly whispered the last part as you leaned closer to him, “how I’m making you crazy..”

"You do.” Spencer wrapped one of his arms around your waist and placed his hand on the small of your back. A shiver ran down your spine as his hand touched your back. Of course, he could tell and was light headed by the effect you had on him. He’d never felt so intoxicated by someone before. “You’ve made me a mad man ever since I met you.” 

Your heart was beating so fast it felt like it was going to burst out of your chest.

“What about you?” He asked. “Do I make you crazy?” 

You glanced between his eyes and his lips. 

“Yes..”

It was like you both were on the exact same wavelength. You both dove in at the same time and slammed your lips together. Both of you just so desperate to get a taste of the other. The kiss was tender and passionate, with no single person in control. You both moved together in synced motions. All of the arguments, all the tension that had been slowly building up could be released.

When you finally parted, Spencer rested his forehead against yours. You felt his airy breath as he tried to come back down to earth. You placed a hand on his face and stroked his cheek with your thumb. 

“I’ve been wanting to do that for weeks,” he breathed. 

“I can tell,” you chuckled. “what’s stopping you from doing it again?”

“Do you want me to?” He asked desperately. 

You placed your other hand on the back of his neck, “I love hearing you talk.. but shut up and kiss me.

Before today he never liked the idea of you telling him what to do. But now, he was at your mercy. He didn’t hesitate and locked your lips with his once again. You both melted together like lovesick teenagers. But moments like these of course don’t last forever. 

The sound of the patio door opening fell deaf on both your ears. It wasn’t until you heard Derek Morgan that you both pulled away from each other. 

”What’s going on out here?” Derek questioned with a smirk. 

You and Spencer couldn’t speak, too frozen to react. 

His grin only grew, “My man,” he chuckled as he glanced at Spencer.

“Don’t kill each other while you're out here.”  Derek left the way he came and closed the patio door. 

You sighed, “He’s gonna tell someone isn’t he?”

“Yup”

~

He made his way back to his coworkers with a cheeky grin plastered on his face. “What’s got you all happy?” Emily asked. 

“Looks like our two angry birds are now two love birds,” he answered. 

“What? What are you talking about?” Penelope sprinted over as fast as she could with her heels. 

“How I just caught Reid and Y/N making out.”

The room exploded with chaos at the reactions to his news.

JJ, who was standing off to the side with Hotch, furrowed her eyebrows, “I thought they hated each other?” 

Hotch glanced towards the patio door and saw the light shadow of two figures. “No they don't. Not really.” 

[valenteal]

I’ve been posting a lot about my thoughts on Dazai’s characterization and motivations but honestly I’ve been dedicating a lot more energy to trying to understand Oda. Dazai is an amazingly complex character but he’s a constant in the story and we know quite a lot about him, comparatively. Oda is incredibly mysterious and much harder to understand. My breakthrough earlier figuring out that Oda had the book has really helped me open my mind to another side of Oda I hadn’t yet considered.

The things is, authors have to be a bit cruel. Oda’s reasoning for not killing because he wanted to be a writer doesn’t make sense, we kill our own characters all the time. We put them through hell over and over for entertainment/to convey a deeper meaning. I think maybe one of the conditions of having the book is not killing directly, or maybe a certain level of removal from the storyline. Like, if you control reality and others lives with the book you’re giving up a certain amount of control physically in the moment.

Oda is a killer. He is friends with killers. And if I’m right about him being the author of the Dark Era he wrote the deaths of the kids. I think his reaction was genuine, I think he really felt like he shouldn’t have the book, that he didn’t deserve to be its author anymore, but I really think that he wrote the story to give Dazai the opportunity and the motivation to get a better life. I mean, I’ve made myself cry with my writing. The most compelling stories are full of tragedy.

Oda was a child assassin. He was a writer. He was a mafioso. But most of all he was Dazai’s friend.

Wait! Holy shit idea!

Okay so Natsume had the book before Oda, but he was definitely following Dazai around before he got the book so we know there’s already a connection there. I’ve been wondering why Oda was so attached to Dazai. But Natsume wrote the story he adored, the third installment which Oda finished was The Book. But what did Natsume write about? What exactly were the books Oda loved? What if it was Dazai’s story? What if Oda knows Dazai so well because he read his life story over and over and yearned to give him a happy ending? What if his whole motivation was to finish the story in a satisfying way? And everything from the orphan’s existence to Ango’s betrayal was to create an open ended story in which Dazai could potentially have have a better life?

Oda is such an incredible character. He’s full of contradictions until you actually start thinking of him as an author. We authors have strange minds, we love our characters but we put them through so much. Because we wouldn’t love them if we didn’t make them struggle, make them realistic and deep and meaningful. Oda knew the kids were going to die, he wrote it. But he got attached like anyone would. But he was done writing the story, all that was left was for it to play out. So he passed ownership of the book to Dazai and went to play his role.

Fuck I’m getting emotional omg Odasaku is wonderful. I don’t even care if the entire theory is wrong, I’ve figured Oda out with the information I was given and filled in the blanks. Asagiri himself wouldn’t be able to make me give this theory up.

Oda isn’t a good person with strong morals the way he presents himself. He does that to fill the mentor roll for Dazai and to get Dazai to make the desired decisions. He just a fan who was given control of the story by the original author and basically used all the writing tools ever to create a story in which the character he loved but who was tragically doomed and seeped in darkness could find some happiness. Just like anyone writing a fix-it fic. Accept his fix is canon.

Holy shit I’m a genius.

Don’t come at me you have no idea how proud I am of this! Either I figured out the most confusing character ever written or I have created a genius explanation that nothing will ever top (for me anyway).

[w0lfinsheepscl0thing]

1898: Forgetting Their Shadows - Update

Since last May, I’ve been developing an 1899 fic, and I’m as excited about it as I was when I thought of it. However, I’ve been in a writing slump for almost a month and it’s been taking away all my confidence and motivation. But I’m not going to give up on the project till it’s done! I’m mainly active on Instagram, so after I posted some teasers I made for it back in October, mainly because I thought I would somehow finish it soon, I completely abandoned the idea of posting on here till it was done. But, of course, things didn’t go as planned. I really want to keep working on this fic, so, in hopes that it’ll help with motivation, I’ve decided to try and post updates for it here, even if they are small.

But first, I haven't really introduced this project properly! Settle in, because this is going to be a long one…

How I Started the Story

(Feel free to skip this or any of the points to get to the info you want; a lot is rambling!)

In April, 2023, I checked out 1899 and was immediately invested in Ángel (and Ramiro, of course. He just came later). I had no idea what I was getting into when I started the show, so I’ll have to admit, I didn’t think I’d like it at first, and it took till episode three to really get into it. If it wasn’t for Ángel, I might’ve not seen the whole thing through, which sounds crazy looking back on it now! I started to visualize Ángel and Ramiro’s backstory and where they came from while constantly hoping they’d get their own episode, so when I finished season one and found out it was canceled, I was very disappointed. Not only because they didn’t get an ending, but because now I wanted to know everyones’ endings. It was by this point I realized how stupid I was to think it wasn’t worth watching.

Also, at this time, I didn’t use Tumbler and assumed (from an Instagram only perspective) that the community for the show was dead. I also thought the people I loved and wanted to see more of weren’t appreciated among the few people still active in it. I really wanted to see the backstory behind Ramiro and Ángel, so I tried to write it myself. It was… terrible in the beginning. It was written in a script format, the chapters were only 300 words max, and a lot of it wasn’t realistic, but at least it was a start? Over time, though, I figured out I definitely wasn’t the only person who wanted to see more of them, and it evolved into not just those two people, but the entire story of 1899. I’m really glad it changed to that.

What Exactly Is This Story? What is it trying to accomplish?

I’m writing every backstory, then hopefully seasons 2 and 3, but also trying to make them as precise and accurate as possible. They include some of my own twists, as long as they aren’t contradicted by anything already confirmed, but the point is to make it everything the show was to be and more. I want it to have all of the detail and thought that Bo and Jantie put into it, even if it is painstaking to map out. I don’t want to give too much away yet, but just to clear something up (mainly for my own sake), this is my own take on the story and it’s different from other backstory/finishing the plot fics; I’m really trying to make it as different as I can!

So, Where Are You Now With It?

That’s complicated. I thought I had almost everything done for Volume One (Spain), but after getting through a rough draft of Chapter Six, I was gravely mistaken. I decided to take a step back and plan as much as I could, so once Volume one is out, I can almost immediately start on Volume Two, and so on and so forth. However, with so many puzzle pieces, it’s been tortuous to plan. Right now, I think the best option is for me to pick apart everything pre-simulation so I can understand everything that comes next. The main goal is for me to map out anything and everything, so I don’t change things later that ruin everything I already did, then (finally) finish Volume One.

This is going to be a while, but I want this to be as perfect as I can get it. At least it’ll be done this year, and I hope you're able to stick around for the journey :).

[lord-jen-grey]

Thanks for the question @dianaforever .

The answer is Yes! It’s on the more rare side, but it does happen. Off the top of my head, I’ve had major plot shifts while writing on about 6 occasions (out of 28 Outlander works on AO3). I’ll detail them below if you’re interested.

Most of my plots are so intricate, I can’t mess with them after I started posting because it would ruin the groundwork already laid down. But sometimes it’s inevitable.

I think you’ll see a pattern that most of these changes are character driven. I have a framework of who my faves are at their essence, and if my plans don’t fit that as well as I hoped, I end up having to change the story to what Jamie & Claire (and John) demand it to be.

It’s notable for me that I have plot, relationship, and character development outlined, but I do leave myself creative flexibility with how that plays out. Dialogue is usually pretty organic and not planned ahead.

Here are some examples of major changes to stories:

Journey of a Thousand Kisses - this story was meant to be fluffy sex when I first started writing it. I didn’t want much plot! But in writing ch 1, I had to explain Jamie’s scars, and I didn’t want to just repeat canon. So I had to ask myself, “What could I do to make it different?” At the same time, I was thinking about Pixar and Fleabag’s storytelling strategies, and decided on telling a story where it seemed like one thing 90% of the story, then BAM, here is an emotional punch that was set up from the beginning. So, I went back to the drawing board and outlined the plot as it sits today (all this was before posting the first chapter).

The Silver of Moonlight - The point of this story was that Claire was meant to be a source of love, support, and encouragement so that Jamie could finally accept his feelings for John, all the while recognizing her own love for John in the process. I had planned on Jamie being a bit more reluctant and for him to struggle even more with his internalized homophobia. When it got to the intimacy, it just felt right for Jamie be more decisive about the shift and not drag out his reluctance.

Fire Closest Kept - I wrote half this story before going back and making a massive change (thank God it wasn’t posted yet). The parts from Brianna’s POV were originally Willie’s parts! But I felt like Jamie needed to earn a Willie’s trust, and keeping him in the dark about their plans was contrary to that, so I changed a big chunk of the plot to make it Brianna.

On Our Lips, Begin & Tell - This was originally meant to be enemies to lovers, but the moment these two met, that was ruined 😂. Journey babes are madly in love immediately, no matter what iteration.

Lost in the Wind - There were 2 changes here. Bennet was supposed to show up a few chapters in, but I changed it to chapter 1 more impulsively. He was just too important to the plot to not be there from the beginning. The second is that Claire was supposed to be meaner to Jamie in the initial outline, but she wouldn’t let me write her that way. She was too insightful in seeing the contradictions of his behavior.

Like Petals Falling - This story had the more changes than anything I’ve ever written!! It was initially meant to be (idk) 15 chapters of a secret admirer fic, ending with a flash forward of them getting married 😂. It quickly turned into something more. The issue with this story was that the poetry elicited so much of my personal existential philosophy on life and pulled in many of my day to day experiences, so small moments became entire chapters full of significance (like the Mother’s Day chapter was written from my own emotional challenges in that day). Then when my grandmother was ill and dying, I began reading poetry about loss and life, setting Jamie down a path of grief with Brian. The story went from 15 chapters to 30 very quickly. Then 30 went to about 75 when I decided to expand the existential themes of the story to tell a lifelong journey of love between two people and their family and the Legacy they’ll leave behind. These were a few notes I jotted down shortly after losing my Nan 💙

[pnf-lover98]

A “The Stanley Parable” (mini) playlist

Whenever I pick up a new fandom and I start making fanarts for it, I always like to build a sort of musical library of songs that I associate with that fandom or that I use as inspo to get the moods for the fanarts/fics I make. (If you follow me, you may have seen I already made some posts of this sort for other fandoms like Miraculous Ladybug and Good Omens).

In TSP’s case it was a bit more complex for me to find songs I could associate with the game’s canon plot because, well... This game’s storyline and plot can be everything and anything, and even nothing at all. Each ending can confirm or contradict the lore of the others. But having written a total of four fanfics so far, I did gather a few songs to put in a mini playlist I could share with you guys.

These are the ones I associate with the game as a whole, and I’m going to quote the parts that better express the vibes:

“Bones” (Imagine Dragons)

“My patience is waning, is this entertaining? My patience is waning, is this entertaining?

I-I-I got this feeling, yeah, you know, where I'm losing all control 'cause there's magic in my bones!”

[A.k.a. ‘don’t we all love to make Narry mad, every now and then?’] 

“This is Gospel” (Panic! At the Disco)

“This is Gospel for the fallen ones locked away in permanent slumber, assembling their philosophies from pieces of broken memories. [...]

 If you love me let me go! (x2) Cause these words are knives that often leave scars. The fear of falling apart. Truth be told, I never was yours. The fear, the fear of falling apart.”

“Mad Hatter” (Melanie Martinez)

“Over the bend, entirely bonkers, you like me best when I'm off my rocker. Tell you a secret: I'm not alarmed. So what if I'm crazy? The best people are.

You think I'm crazy, you think I'm gone. So what if I'm crazy? All the best people are. And I think you're crazy too, I know you're gone. It's probably the reason that we get along.”

Then, there are a couple of the songs I used while I was writing my fics. 

Some of you may remember “The Drought”, the first thing I wrote for this fandom, tied to the Skip Button Ending, in which I quoted a few lines from “Clean” by Taylor Swift:

“The dought was the very worst when the flowers that we’d grown together died of thirst.”

There is another song I’ve used as inspo for my stories, and that I rerlate to the way I envision Stanley and Narry’s relationship - specifically, the way our dear Narry would want to linger forever in the adventures he created in order not to feel lonely (as mentioned in the Figurines Ending)

“See you in my dreams” (We the Kings)

“I wanna close my eyes and sleep, run to the place we used to meet, cause I’d rather have you in my dreams than wake up without you.

I’d sleep forever if you’d leave, give up the world, so you would see that I’d rather have you in my dreams than wake up without you.”

The last lyrics I bring to you today are from a song I really like, and that I used as a general mood for my Zending-related fic. It’s a nostalgic kind of song, with slower rhythms that match the pacing of the fic. And there’s one line, “don’t waste your time/cause you’re not mine”, that inspired me in specific points of the fic.

“Unspoken” (Aaron Smith)

“Don't hold your breath like, I'm not scared. Like, I want you to trust me. Don't waste your time cause you're not mine. I wish that you could touch me”

[mekana47]

👀🖊🌝✨ for the fanfic ask game!

Thank you for playing!

👀 Do you have any WIPs that you would never let see the light of day? If yes, what are they about?

When I first joined the fandom, I started a Joe/Nicky fic post-movie with sub!Nicky not realizing how much he’s struggling until Joe points it out and helps. The concept is fine, I think, but something in my execution of a stricter bdsm relationship right after the trauma of London made Nicky too... helpless, maybe? There’s a power imbalance that doesn’t work for Joe and Nicky’s characters. I could start over, if the inspiration struck again, now that I have a better handle of the characters, but the 1k have now definitely won’t get finished.

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP.

A very rough first draft of Cold War-era mission fic. Booker’s poisoned on a job and Nicky has to get him to safety before he starts dying repeatedly:

“I’m sorry,” he said, forcing Booker to take the first step. With any luck, movement would loosen up the pain, but he wasn’t sure they had that sort of luck on this job. “I’ll tell your fiancé this was all my fault, I promise. I should have known you were too drunk for that last round.”

Booker snorted, but he didn’t contradict the story. “The meet?”

Nicky reeled him closer, dropping his voice. “Even if your informant didn’t do this, he’ll take one look at you and run.”

“Fuck you.” 

Nicky’s mouth twitched. If Booker was up for snarking, they still had a chance of getting out of the area before he collapsed.

🌝 Who is one character you haven’t yet written for that you would like to?

I’ve written from each of the main six's POVs already. One of the three WIPs I’ve been chipping away at this past month is Keane’s POV for a Keane-survives-and-that-changes-him AU that I’m really excited to be working on again. I think Copley could be fun, both pre- and post-canon. I also only remembered while thinking about the first question that I made notes well over a year ago for a potential story from the POV of Merrick’s wife. I still like that idea, even though I never actually wrote any story.

✨ Choose three adjectives to complement your own writing.

Thoughtful, emotional, captivating.

For the Fanfic Ask Game.

[alltheshadesofamber]

Wait, okay can you please tell me what the canon characterization of Jason is? I’m a new comics fan and it’s so hard to separate canon and fanon traits from the batfam sometimes and I’d appreciate any and all insight 🙏 I really want to write a batfam fic w/ Jason in it but have been too scared of accidentally mischaracterizing him to start lol

Thank you for asking this! I hope you don’t regret it! 😂 I’ve never really written meta before, I struggle with formatting essays, and it’s been a while since I’ve written anything really at all, so sorry if it doesn’t flow well! I basically just periodically added something to it whenever I thought of it. Sooo this ended up longer than I thought it would be! 😅

This is all my personal interpretations of Jason’s character, disjointed as it may be! I’ll also admit that characterization can be tweaked depending on what you want out of the story, and I am not immune to this! And when it comes to pre-Crisis and post-Crisis Robin!Jason, I’ll admit I do get a little turned about regarding what may or may not be canon anymore, because in my opinion it’s not really clear! I do my best to weave some stuff together to make some stuff make sense, but this really isn’t something I’m used to putting down on paper into words, and I’m sure some other people have done or could do better. Furthermore, I prefer to take post-New 52 stuff with a massive grain of salt, because the New 52 was just. Yikes! Honestly most Jason stuff even pre-New 52 is just inconsistent. If you’re a Jason fan you prooooobably already know that though! His characterization is a tangled mess! Why do I even like him? Answer: He makes my brain go brrrrrr. I did my best to wrangle my thoughts here.

None of this is consistent either. My thoughts on Jason change like. All the time. This isn’t even all of them. And like, I tried to stick mostly to canon, but I will admit even I am willing to bend on this stuff a bit to make relations a little smoother in my head sometimes.

Also people are complicated and composed of contradictions, and every character can be said to be an unreliable narrator of their own story! I think that’s something important to keep in mind when it comes to my interpretations, and I tried to have that come across. Without further ado, my collected Jason Todd ramblings:

Let me start by saying, I just think Jason’s fascinating. And cool! I like his potential for depth and his leather jackets and his righteous fury and his refusal to be ignored or forgotten and his determination and his sense of humor and his intelligence and his attitude and I just think he’s great.

Jason was a good kid! He was the best kid, actually. He had a rough life, but he never gave up and he made do with what he had. He was scrappy. He was funny! I feel like an important part of Jason’s original post-Crisis origin to mention is the fact that he made Batman laugh. That’s always stuck out as important to me, and I’ve always felt it should be important for defining Jason and Bruce’s relationship and Jason as Robin and Jason in general, and I’m disappointed it’s been left out of later reimaginings as far as I’m aware. Jason Todd is the kid who made Batman laugh! Not only that, he made Bruce Wayne laugh, on the anniversary of his parents’ deaths, in the very spot where they died in Crime Alley! Jason was a light in Bruce’s life. Jason made him laugh. He did that. And little 11/12 year old Jason, when faced with a Batman he had just stolen tires from and having been caught in the act, was fearless. He wasn’t cowed at all! He denied taking the tires to his face, then he hit the goddamn Batman with a tire iron and ran away daring Batman to catch him! “Try and catch me, you big boob!” He had gumption and spirit to spare! And on top of that, he had an unflagging desire to do good. Batman sent him to a school to get Jason off the streets and somewhere safe, and when it turned out the school was actually a front for criminal enterprises, what did Jason do? He could’ve walked away. It would’ve been understandable, he was just a kid. But no. Jason decided that he had a duty, a responsibility. So he tried to stop a museum heist. And that’s when Bruce took him in, post-Crisis. So what have we established about Jason so far? He’s funny, he’s daring, he’s cheeky! He’s got an unrelenting desire to do good and a sense of responsibility to do so that most fully grown people don’t have. And Jason was a great Robin. He was smart, eager to learn, eager to help people and so very earnest about it all. He was a sweetheart. He was kind and considerate, sensitive and so so empathetic. He had a bleeding heart and he wore it on his sleeve. And I don’t know why I’m saying “was,” not really, because he still is most, if not all, of those things, even if they don’t present in exactly the same way anymore, or aren’t as obvious.

He excelled at school and he cared about it, it was important to him. He wouldn’t stand for injustice, and he wouldn’t keep quiet about it. He was exceptionally bright, gave everything his all, and he was recognized and praised for it by Bruce and Alfred. Dick liked him too. As Robin, Jason was never discouraged or led to believe he wasn’t good enough by any external forces. Bruce was actually very vocal and communicative about how great he thought Jason was.

I also have a particular fondness for Robin!Jason’s adventures with the Titans. His talk with Donna showed him to be responsible, level-headed, humble, intuitive, and very insightful! He’s able to get to the heart of what Donna’s dealing with and give her solid advice, while at the same time reminding her that he’s just a kid and he’s still got a lot to learn and he knows it. He’s also able to deduce that Roy is hiding something, as well as what that something may be.

Bruce suspecting him of killing Garzonas, Sheila betraying him to the Joker, dying brutally and bloodily, coming back, digging his way out of his own grave, regaining awareness only to find out that the Joker was still alive, Batman had a new Robin… that he had died, that he’d loved them so much, put his faith and trust in his new family, and he’d been forgotten? Replaced? As though he meant nothing to them? That his death hadn’t changed anything? It broke Jason. It shattered him to pieces. But as previously established, Jason is nothing if not resilient. Irrepressible. An unstoppable force. He put in the time, the effort, the sweat and tears (and there were tears when he first broke. Jason’s first reaction to the news about the Joker and a new Robin was heartbreak. He was devastated. The anger came later. And it was a righteous kind of anger) and he remade himself. Jason melted down the broken pieces of who he was, honed his skills to mastery levels with a frightening dedication and speed, and through trials by fire, forged himself into a weapon on par with Batman.

He’s resilient, in all ways. He can take a beating, he can take pain, he can take disappointment and betrayal and failure, and every time he will rally and come back swinging. He’s determined and dedicated. He’s got an insane work ethic, and learning comes ridiculously easy to him. He doesn’t get daunted or intimidated, not really. He’s a survivor. He looks the worst of the worst in the face and he doesn’t back down.

Jason has never been afraid or hesitant to make his feelings clear, and he intrinsically knows his own worth. He’s never been shy to say when he feels he’s been mistreated. He doesn’t expect the best of others, not anymore, not really (but maybe there is some flickering flame of hope he can’t quite smother—) but he has self-respect and no doubts about it (maybe some fleeting thoughts of “was it my fault? Did Bruce ever really love me? Was I a bad Robin? Etc” but we all have those kinds of intrusive thoughts, don’t we?)

He’s confident, because he has the skills to back it up. He’s self-aware, to an extent; he knows his limits, knows what he can and can’t do, and he knows when it’s time to call it a day and retreat. But also if he’s going down he will not go down without a fight, and he will drag you down with him. He likes to cause problems on purpose, and he escalates; you hit him, he’ll hit back harder.

It’s established that there’s a bomb in his helmet. I think that says a lot. I don’t think he ever intended to survive his showdown with Bruce, but I also don’t think he wanted to die, not really. I think he might have seen it as inevitable though. Or maybe he didn’t want to live in a world where his dad didn’t kill his murderer. I don’t know. I’m not sure Jason knows either.

He’s snarky and quick-witted, razor-sharp and acerbic and irreverent. His wields his words just as skillfully as he does all the other weapons at his disposal. But also sometimes he’s just having fun and being annoying for the sake of it. He’s frighteningly intelligent, despite what more recent writers would like you to believe. He’s a great detective, and he has a wide range of skills and he’s mastered all of them. He’s an overachiever to the core. He’s hypercompetent. He puts his all into everything he does. He’s good at reading people, better than anyone thinks he is, which is possibly linked to that strong empathy I mentioned earlier. He does have a flare for the dramatic, and he is very very good at it. He’s got theatricality, he’s a master showman. He’s resourceful and clever.

Jason is immensely skilled! He spent a year going around the world, learning all the same skills Bruce learned, but with the training wheels off, so to speak. And he mastered each one in record time! He didn’t just become proficient, he mastered them! He surpassed his teachers! And it only took him at most a few weeks each time! He learns incredibly quickly and picking up skills and techniques comes naturally to him. Jason’s more than a match for Bruce on a strictly physical level. (Sometimes post-Flashpoint does have its cool moments, like that time Jason took out a bunch of heroes pursuing him, a group including Bruce and Damian, all while falling off a building, if I’m remembering that right) And when it comes to the mental level? Jason’s a master tactician and strategist. He’s outmaneuvered Batman multiple times over the years, even on the fly. He was two steps ahead of Bruce all of UtRH.

I don’t see Jason as especially reckless or impulsive, at least no more so than any of the other Bats. I think he processes things very quickly and is very adaptive. So it might seem as though he’s taking a major risk or acting without thinking, but in reality he’s thought through his options and his risks and decisions are carefully calculated.

He’s not afraid of the Joker. This is made clear in UtRH.

He’s completely in control of his own actions and he always has been. “Lazarus Pit Madness” isn’t a prolonged or recurrent phenomena, and his feelings and homicidal actions are all his own, for better or worse. I personally just dislike that bit of fanon very much. I feel it takes away his agency and turns his very real issues and feelings and dismisses them in favor of excusing his actions and absolving him of the blame. I get why people like it and latch on to it and use it, because it makes writing happier Batfam dynamics easier, gives an excuse to speed up reconciliation, and gets rid of any consequences for his actions, except of course angst and guilt when needed. But I just don’t like it. I think it reduces him as a character.

I don’t think he loses sleep over killing. At least not when he’s first reintroduced. But later characterizations may vary.

I honestly don’t know what I feel about Jason’s relationship with Alfred is or should or would be after Jason’s return. There’s not much canon to extrapolate from, if I remember correctly. I know that’s led to a lot of popular fanon being about them reconnecting and having a fairly smooth and accepting relationship, and I’ll accept that when it comes up in fic, but. I don’t know. I don’t really feel it. And the lack of canon to draw on in the wake of UtRH sort of works against that interpretation for me, and in my opinion lends more credence to the opposite. I also think that relationship (really all of Jason’s relationships) deserves more depth than that. I wouldn’t call myself a fan of fluff for fluff’s sake, I don’t like the idea that Jason turns mushy and compliant where Alfred’s concerned, or suddenly turns into some kind of a sheepish chastened schoolboy from his very presence, and I like when characters feelings and relationships aren’t too straightforward. Complex relationships are something I adore.

I could conceivably see Jason getting along with Tim and Damian, but like. I don’t know how they’d get there. I guess I don’t have to ponder that, because DC canon has said they’re already there somehow, but still. I’m not super against it, I’d just like to understand more. I’m not against the idea of a more amiable (to a degree) Batfamily in principle, but in practice I think it’s just not really delivering what I want. Too many characters at once means everyone tends to get simplified in group scenes to a quip or a jab, and I’m tired of Jason being reduced to a joke or insult about him dying or having daddy issues or being some kind of meathead. It’s aggravating. (He’s also not the only one this happens to in this situation, and I absolutely am upset by how the others get reduced too, both in canon and fanon, Jason’s just the one I’m talking about right now)

Talia did not manipulate Jason. She didn’t brainwash him, she didn’t goad him into hating or trying to kill Bruce or the others, she didn’t treat him badly, or intend to use him as a weapon against Bruce, or anything like that. Her original plan was to nurse Jason back to health and return him to Bruce. When that didn’t work, she put him in the Lazarus Pit to heal him because she feared for his safety. Jason didn’t even show any signs of Lazarus Pit Madness afterwards, by the way. She informed him of the Joker’s continued existence and the new Robin, yes. So what? He needed to know. Returning Jason to Bruce was still the plan. But Jason’s the one who threw the wrench in that plan. Jason didn’t want to go home. Jason wanted revenge. He wanted to kill Bruce. Talia did not want Jason to kill Bruce. She set up all his training to stall him, in hopes that he would change his mind. She kept watch over him, and she cared about him and for him. She was worried that he might have lost his ability to feel emotions or become a psychopath as a result of everything he’d been through, and when he showed that he was still capable emotions and hadn’t completely lost his sense of morality or empathy, she was relieved.

Jason is very attached to Gotham, just like Bruce. It’s his city, too.

Jason is willing to work with others when it suits him, and when he commits to doing so longterm he’s actually a very good team player. He doesn’t seem to have delusions of grandeur or aspirations of usurpation when it comes to leadership, and he’s not opposed to listening to people who have his respect. And if you aren’t on his bad side then he can be surprisingly cordial and polite. Though perhaps that’s not too surprising; he was a sweet kid, after all.

I wholeheartedly believe that Jason is at his core a good person. The bones are good, the foundation is good; it’s everything else that’s not doing so great. I don’t know if I’d say he’s lost, because I think in a way he’s where he wanted to be; he’s chosen a bad path, and he did so deliberately. Jason has always tried to the right thing, the things that need doing; it’s just that his idea of what the right thing is and what needs to be done has changed.

Jason has also been shown to have a massive well of forgiveness, though I feel that’s mostly post-New 52 canon, where full reconciliation with the other Bats is a thing, so he’d have to be forgiving by necessity. I’m not even going to get in to post-New 52 stuff I think, I find most of it very disjointed and in large part emotionally unsatisfying. There is pre-New 52 pre-death precedent for Jason being astoundingly forgiving though, to an almost saint-like degree; he forgives Sheila for leading him to the Joker and tries to save her life by untying her, and he even tries to shield her from the bomb. Which means a case for the later stuff being in-character could be made. So there is that.

Before Jason died he was also a huge believer in second chances. Sometimes even a bigger proponent of them than Bruce. This is a little hard to reconcile with his later actions, but it’s the truth.

Jason Todd went to Heaven when he died, we learn that in Green Arrow: Quiver.

I’ve seen a lot of comics that have someone, usually Bruce or Jason I think, say something about how they believe (or know, as if it was obvious) that if Bruce hadn’t taken Jason in, Jason would’ve grown up to be a criminal. Let me make this clear: I do not believe that for a second. Jason’s sense of right and wrong was always strong, and his moral convictions were steadfast. He stole as a kid to survive, but when presented with the option of letting something bad happen to someone else when he had the power to stop it, even if it wasn’t much power, even as a kid Jason never took the easy way out. He did what he knew was right.

Jason wants to be seen, but he also wants to be understood. That’s how I interpret his encounters with Dick in the Blood Brothers arc (yuck) and Mia Dearden in Green Arrow. And while I’d prefer to ignore it as a whole, he does make sort of similar overtures to Dick again and Tim in Battle for the Cowl, though I highly doubt he sincerely thought there was any chance at all that they’d accept in that case.

He’s incredibly loyal and devoted to those he loves, and expects that same level of loyalty in return. He sees failing to live up to those standards as a personal betrayal of Bruce’s; and after his return he takes betrayal (pre-New 52) very seriously. If you don’t reciprocate, then in his mind obviously everything else was a lie. If Bruce didn’t kill the Joker for killing Jason, did Bruce ever really love him at all? But he also knows for a fact that Bruce did love him. It’s complicated!

He knows Bruce loves him; but Bruce doesn’t love him the way he wants to be loved, or in a way that he interprets as true or able to be trusted, at least not anymore. It isn’t enough. Jason loves Bruce as much as he hates him.

Jason characterization is tricky! His skills, his strengths, and his smarts are all immutable across continuities and interpretations in my opinion, but the more undefinable things, like his feelings? I will admit, there’s more leeway to be had there. Also I’ve contradicted myself a bit sometimes, I think. Sorry about that! Sorry about all of this, really. I probably repeated myself a lot. In fact I’ve probably already apologized for repeating myself a lot. I don’t have the patience to check or edit this extensively. I did my best! I hope this helps! And thank you for asking me in the first place! Even though this is a mess, I did enjoy doing it!

[nellie-elizabeth]

Rizandace Fic Master List: The Magicians!

Hey, I figured it was time for me to keep all my fics in one place over here on tumblr dot com, so here you go! I’ll try and keep this updated as I post! On Ao3 at Rizandace.

Series

Magic Curses (collectively, 134k words)

This series includes five short multi-chapter stories, between 23k-32k words, and one bonus one-shot at 3.2k. While theoretically all understandable as standalones, there is a building narrative. This is my general “what happens after season four” series, but in my version of canon, Quentin just… does not die in 4x13. The jumping-off point leaves everything else the same as canon left it, and the series follows Quentin and Eliot as they get back together and start their lives as a couple. Background Julia/Alice, and Margo/Fen/Josh.

The individual stories in order, are…

- Lover’s Touch

Quentin gets cursed with a sickness that will not heal unless he is touched by his dearest love. Alice, for some reason, isn’t able to help. 24.7k words.

- Fragments

Quentin lives through his worst nightmare again and again, and the darker side of dependency is explored. 23k words.

- Liquid Courage

Eliot breaks up with Quentin, which means something has gone very wrong… 24k words.

- The Curse of the Broken Vase (aka The One Where They Get Married and Nothing Goes Wrong)

They get married! What is says on the tin! 3.2k words.

- Identity Theft

The whole gang have amnesia and Quentin and Eliot, literal husbands, pine for each other like the beautiful little dummies they are. This is the author’s personal favorite of the series! 32k words.

- Beyond the Veil

Quentin vanishes, and Eliot loses his mind trying to get him back. The twist? Quentin hasn’t gone anywhere. 27.5k words.

Immortality AU

A Comet Pulled From Orbit is my AU of the film The Old Guard. It’s from Alice’s POV, it’s the most “gen” of my stories but rest assured that Queliot plays a prominent, dramatic role. We’ve also got Margo/Julia, and Kalice. An action romp with lots of character moments. I’m ridiculously proud of this story. 100k words.

Connected to the main story are seven collections of snippets, all ongoing, one from the POV of each of the core characters: Quentin, Eliot, Margo, Kady, Alice, Julia, and Penny. These take place before, during, and after Comet, so you should definitely read the main fic before diving into the continuations. Each snippet is 1-2k words, and some of them are interwoven/complimentary.

The Long-Fics

Running All This Time is my take on the mosaic timeline! Featuring lots of romance and sex, a unique take on Arielle that I haven’t seen anyone else do in quite this same way, a quest-within-a-quest, and happy endings for all! Adheres to canon insofar as it technically does not contradict what we see on screen in 3x05. It uh… does contradict what happens in 4x05, though, so just jot that down. 180k words.

Maybe This Time is my Brakebills AU! But uh. It’s not a No-Beast AU, and it gets pretty dang angsty there in the middle. Still, I promise it has a happy ending! This is the most popular story I’ve written. Featuring lots of cottage parties, pining boys, and then there is a plot twist in chapter eight that you’re really gonna want to check out, y’all. Shit gets pretty wild there for a while. 245k words. (So many words.)

The Way a Fool Would Do is now complete! This is an all-Fillorian AU, it’s technically a soulmate AU but with a twist: in this universe, soulmates are a chosen and intentionally created bond, and held in high honor. They are also Strictly Platonic upon pain of exile. Guess what two emotionally constipated fifteen-year-olds decided to become soulmates, each pretending he wasn’t already in love with the other? A decade later, Quentin and Eliot are still totally just Best Friends, and nothing else is going to happen between them. *exaggerated winky face*. Featuring also a unique take on Margo and the Chatwins! 211.5k words.

a work of fine art is a no-magic AU where Eliot is an artist and Quentin agrees to model for him. That's it, that's the whole fic. Oh also it's Marqueliot... so that's fun! Really, I'd describe this one as a mainly vibes-based experience. I had fun diving deep into the emotional journeys of the characters and explore the physicality of the characters in all sorts of forms. 123k words.

The Mid-Sized

is it too late (or could this love protect me)

A no-magic AU where Eliot and Quentin went to undergrad together. Quentin gets together with Alice in their senior year, and it’s now years later, the gang are in their late twenties, and Quentin’s about to discover something he never knew about his best friend Eliot. Alice has to explain it to him, and frankly she deserves better. Featuring the inner workings of Quentin Coldwater’s scrambled mind, and happiness achieved at last! 31.5k words.

Once Upon a Place Sometimes

For the 2021 Magicians Big Bang! Season One No-Beast AU where the Physical Kids' Cottage burns down, and Eliot and Quentin have communication issues. Kind of an only-one-bed tropey story, kind of a more serious look at what it means to be afraid and what it means to take a chance anyway. Amazing art by Vriah, I'm so lucky! 50.7k words.

When Quentin Met Eliot

For the 2022 Magicians Happily Ever After event! It’s a When Harry Met Sally AU where Quentin Coldwater is the Harry, and Eliot Waugh is the Sally. This is correct, trust me. Art by marcel, it’s amazing! 79.9k words.

Shelter

A romance novel about second chances - I wrote this during NanoWriMo of 2022 and the whole thing is now posted! Featuring Quentin working at an animal shelter, and Margo/Fen/Penny background shenanigans. 60.3k words.

where the real road lies

Ten years after Quentin's death, he shows up on Eliot's doorstep. Eliot's husband is the one to answer the door. An angsty resurrection fic with infidelity, a lot of grief and anger, and a happily ever after, I promise. 67.6k words.

The One-Shots

Overthinking It is my inaugural fic in the fandom! It’s not the strongest, in my opinion, but it has its moments. Takes place in 3x06, when Quentin comes back from his experience with the abyss key, and talks to Eliot about it. Some things are hashed out between them. 3.5k words.

Reciprocal is a mosaic fic where Eliot and Quentin work their shit out before Arielle really has a chance to enter the picture. Eliot does a dumb thing for… dubiously honorable reasons. It sucks for a bit, but the end results are good for all. 8.2k words.

Promises is one of my favorite stories that I’ve written! Takes place at the end of season three. Eliot follows Quentin to his room and demands to know what he’s thinking with his insane plan to stay in Blackspire with the monster. Turns out, the two have a lot of misunderstandings to clear up about their relationship. 7.7k words.

To Feel the Same is an itty bitty little gapfiller for the Queliot hug in 2x02. 1.7k words.

Bottle Episode is a gapfiller/divergence fic where Quentin and Eliot get briefly captured and thrown in the dungeons in the midst of the Fairy Queen’s machinations, and Eliot’s wedding planning for his upcoming nuptials with Idri. Sometimes, even if nothing comes of it, it can be nice to be on the same page. 7k words.

Regrets, or the Absence Thereof is the Marqueliot threesome, y’all! Eliot POV, set during 4x05 when he’s seeking his biggest regret inside his Happy Place. He goes to revisit a certain memory with his two favorite people, and he has a lot of feelings about it. 11k words.

remember what it was before is a piece reflecting on Quentin's discipline. It takes place in small snippets during the mosaic timeline, as well as being a 4x13 fix-it in its own right! 7.5k words.

[lord-of-christmas-lights]

I could post regular Narnia headcanons...

Or I could post the continuation of this post and go into depth about how Eustace and Caspian are affected by deity Narnia. Welcome back to Inhuman Narnia 101 and it turned out just as long as the first one so buckle up.

Check out this post by @dorianviolet for another awesome version of Inhuman AU Caspian

Warnings for slight body horror mentions including blood magic stuff, slight religious themes and theological discussion towards the end.

Before anything: This AU directly contradicts canon a lot. I don't care, that's why it's called an AU. Some of it is deliberate, some of it is accidental. I haven't read the books in a number of years, so this is all based on the movies and general information I've picked up from fanfic and tumblr. Discussion on this post is welcomed, criticism and arguments are not. Thank you.

First off, here is the link to an exploration of Dragoning, the Eustace-centric fic I wrote about this. I refer to it repeatedly in this post so if you want the full thing, there it is.

Second, let's get into this. So in my last post, I talked a lot about Narnia, her general existence in this AU, and her motivations as a character. She wants the people in her world to be a part of her, and no one else. Some of this is a conscious choice, and some of it isn't. Eustace's changes throughout his time in VOTDT are definitely not purposeful. It was his greed that drove him to the treasure, it was his own "curse" in becoming a dragon. That was not Narnia reaching out to him and purposefully trying to mold him to her world. As such, he takes on more of an observing role.

Eustace doesn't ever actually directly address his cousins on the subject of their inhumanity, in this fic or in any other I write. He simply sees it, notes it happening, and moves on. Even in the sections in my fics where the subject of inhumanity in general is brought up between Eustace and one of his cousins, it's always about Caspian, the greater Narnian world, or himself.

"Eustace asks why, and Lucy answers. Narnia changes people, she says. It happens to everyone, but the closer you are to her Heart, the greater it is. I don't know where Dragons are. Perhaps closer than we realized. It's exhilarating, isn't it? Aslan will return us to normal though, at the end of our journey." - AEOD

I don't know why, but I don't like the idea of Eustace trying to directly address the Pevensie brand of inhumanity. That line above takes place after his UnDragoning, after the way he sees things has changed, and I see it as him asking what exactly has changed, you know, why are Dragons different than boys?

That brings me to how Eustace himself changes. Now, if he hadn't gone and turned into a Dragon, I imagine Narnia wouldn't have taken much note of him. He's a random human, stuck-up, not at all in line for ruling her lands, and just kind of exists without much else going on. She still would have affected him a little, as she does to all humans in her world but it would have been almost entirely spiritual with no physical changes. And then we got the greatest fuck around and find out scene ever. He becomes a Dragon.

I love dragons, always have, I have a very deep spiritual connection to these creatures, and as such, I have gone all out on worldbuilding for Narnian Dragons. Again, the quote from AEOD, "...the closer you are to her Heart, the greater it is. I don't know where Dragons are. Perhaps closer than we realized." In the Inhuman AU, Dragons were the first creatures Narnia (the deity) and Aslan made when they created Narnia (the world). They just really liked the dragon shape from other worlds and thought, "Hey wouldn't it be cool if our world was populated by these big fire-breathing lizards?" Now I don't actually remember how often Dragons are mentioned and/or featured in the books so I'm going with my idea that Dragons are a somewhat rare but not extinct species. They have to be created through magical means, often through physical transformation of people or objects, though there are a few known cases of natural-born Narnian Dragons. Eustace's creation was the curse on the treasure, though I don't see his Dragoning as a curse itself. As in, the curse isn't in the being a Dragon, it's in how the Dragon was created. So, Eustace experiences this accidental change into a creature that's closer to Narnia's Heart than pretty much any other being in Narnia. They were her first creations, forged from the fire in the Stars, and they are the closest to her magic. And that gets her attention.

Now, if you went and read AEOD, you'll have noticed that one of Eustace's biggest changes (aside from the obvious physical ones) is his vision. This is just a natural thing for Dragons, they are far more in tune with magic and the earth and everything than everyone else, but Narnia's special interest in him definitely amplifies the hell out of his magic sense.

"The people here say dragons see the oddest of things, and he has to assume it's a hallucination....He refuses to give into its whims, reminds himself it's just his imagination. Until Reepicheep comments on it." - AEOD. Following this quote, Reepicheep mentions to Lucy that her inhumanity is returning faster than Edmund's and Eustace has a total panic attack at the idea that what he's seeing is real. He sees what everyone else does, Lucy's stained fingers and Edmund's ability to manipulate words, but he also notices stuff no one else does like the stars in Edmund's throat and the echoes that follow Lucy's words. This is further cemented after his UnDragoning, where the extra stuff he perceived has vanished. Now the general idea in this AU is that the closer to Narnia's Heart you are, the more you know and perceive. Everyone can see some of the more obvious inhuman aspects of the Pevensies, but there are things that only Dragons, druids, Stars, and some other magic folk really close to Narnia's Heart see. I'm not going to get into an exact chart of what certain characters can and cannot see because that can change over time and such and I'd rather leave it mostly up to personal interpretation on what other characters do and do not perceive about the Pevensies and other such inhuman characters.

(Side note—I had to pause in the writing of this post here to go to my second meeting for an autism assessment and I think if I just showed the doctor my notes app and the inhuman/dark fantasy narnia tag on my blog, I'd get the diagnosis instantly lol) So anyways, Narnia senses Eustace becoming a Dragon and is like "Ooohoo what's this?" and starts sort of digging into him in the same way she does to her Kings and Queens. This triggers his already enhanced perception of Narnia (the world) to get even stronger, and this is when he starts seeing stuff like people's souls, Caspian's second heart (more on that soon), and looking at Lucy/Edmund/Lilliandil becomes almost painful because Narnia's magic is so bright in them. Aslan then UnDragons him, which Narnia really doesn't like btw, and Eustace is back to being a fairly average human.

This is where stuff established in AEOD ends.

Now I have so many ideas and half finished fanfics written out in my notes app about Eustace, UnDragoning, and inhumanity and it would be impossible to cover them all here, so I'm just going to go with the highlights. One of my favorite ones is the idea that after Eustace's UnDragoning, he still feels very connected to being a dragon. He's had this taste of pure inhumanity, and something like that doesn't just leave a person. There's a fic I read once long before I was fully invested in this fandom about Eustace and draconity that I will never stop thinking about and was actually the reason I started considering Eustace and Narnian Dragons in this AU. One of the really important things to note is that once a Dragon is created, they can never be uncreated. They can be UnDragoned, where their physical form is returned to whatever it was before their Dragoning (a rock, a talisman, a faun, etc) but their soul has changed on a fundamental level to that of a Dragon. Now for Eustace in my Inhuman AU, this manifests spiritually as a deep longing to return to being a Dragon. Physically, he experiences fun side effects like increased heat tolerance, nails that grow faster than normal, and because Narnia likes to meddle, a single ridge of scales along his spine. In some versions of my drafts, he stays at the end of VOTDT and experiences a slow Dragoning because Narnia's influence on him is that strong, other versions he stays but never quite returns to the Dragon he was before, and in yet other versions, he returns to England and loses that connection enough that physically, he will never be a Dragon again. As I said, Narnia is fascinated by him, she's never really had a human Dragon before, but he is still just a random guy who happens to be related to the Pevensies and as such, she doesn't invest as much time or magic into his inhumanity.

So that's Eustace. This is already such a long post but I promised to talk about both him and Caspian so here we go.

Now, in my last post I talked a bit about how Narnia (the deity) affects the other humans in Narnia (the world) to an extent, but it's nowhere near the amount she does to her Kings and Queens, and also this diminishes more and more the farther you get from Narnia (the country). Telmar is fairly close to Narnia (the country) but as we see in PC, a lot of Narnia's magic and spirit has been diminished by the time Caspian is born. Up until the awakening of the land during the battle, Caspian is essentially 100% human. However, this changes very quickly.

It's hard to pinpoint the exact moment Caspian becomes a King of Narnia. Is it when he refuses to kill Miraz? Is it when Aslan tells him he's one? Is it during his actual coronation? Yes, yes, and yes. I try not to pin it down to an exact moment. By the end of PC though, he's definitely noticing some changes in himself. I have an unpublished part 2 to an exploration of Inhumanity (my only other actually posted fic on this stuff) that I swear I will clean up and get posted soon that goes into further detail on the changes he's noticing at the end of AEOI. Some of the big ones include a second golden heart, seeing some of the life magic in the world around him, and a golden glow on his palms. He also slowly develops the ability to heal, though it's not always consistent. Magic takes practice, lots and lots of practice. In pt 2, the glow on his palms has gotten so bright and also spread around his head like a halo, and Lucy shows him how to conceal it so he's not impossible to look at, but because of Magic™ there's still a dusting of golden powdery stuff across his skin. His blood turns golden because Ben Barnes + golden blood is such pretty imagery, and like the others, it gets sucked down and absorbed into Narnia's Heart when he bleeds in battle. Also when I say he's got a second heart I mean he's got a second fucking heart. Ribcage shift and all. (His appearance doesn't actually change, it's more like a pocket dimension thing going on inside him, but he sure as hell can feel it happening). Having Narnia as a patron goddess just means you have to put up with a second puberty sometimes lol.

Anyways, there's a line in AEOI that I feel explains this stuff really well. "He cannot truly protect the land without becoming a part of it himself." Narnia changes her Kings and Queens because she wants them to be a part of her. Aslan doesn't really see these changes as necessary (in canon, a world without deity Narnia, they don't happen), and if the storyline we pick is the one that's the constant cycle of humanity and inhumanity, it's sort of a push and pull between them. Aslan wants the Pevensies, and by proxy anyone else who rules Narnia or experiences these changes, to keep their humanity, to stay as they were Created by him. Narnia, however, wants them to be as much a part of her as she is of them. It's very clear in both the books and the movies that Narnia (the world) is where these characters belong. In the end, they all come home to her (yes, Susan too because fuck Mr. Clive Staples Lewis). Caspian being anything less than fully inhuman is something she cannot handle. She is constantly having to recreate the Pevensies, reestablish her hold on them, only to have them return to England and become mostly human again. Caspian cannot be taken away from her, he is in this world by birth and she is going to do everything she can to shape him into the ruler he needs to be.

Once again, I would like to state that Aslan and Narnia are not opposing sides of good and evil. Gods cannot be defined by human standards, and to think either Narnia or Aslan completely in the right or wrong in this AU would be, well, an interesting standpoint, but really not the one I'm going for here. I'm not going to say it's a misinterpretation, I am very open to hearing people's thoughts on this AU, and everyone's going to see things differently. Just, please reread what I've written about them before you start making that argument.

Anyways, that wraps this post up because I have spent the better part of the past 6 hours writing this. I spent way more time on Eustace than I intended but it's just so fascinating to think about inhumanity from his perspective considering he's the only one in canon that actually was (briefly) inhuman. Again, if you got this far, congratulations! If you use any of my ideas mentioned here, please tag me, I am so starved for inhuman Narnia content lol.

[thefactsofthematter]

M, X, Y

M: got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

i’m currently going through a bit of an obsession with writing canon era, so i’m finally spending some time on the titleless wip that i posted that davey/les snippet from the other day!

i think i’ve talked about it once before, but basically it was originally going to be about davey before and after the strike, kinda told through flashbacks and whatnot… and then one plot point led to another and now davey has also managed to get very very sick, and that’s sorta become the main driving point of the fic. it takes place the november after the strike, he’s got everyone’s favourite historical fiction plot device disease (scarlet fever), and it’ll be mostly from his pov but it’ll jump to jack’s sometimes too. here’s yet another piece of it, for anyone who’s curious— have a little bit of davey babysitting for his neighbours!

Sure enough, the moment baby Miriam is deposited in Davey's arms, she starts screaming. Sarah is already busy with the other kids, and Abigail has rushed out the door, Levi already gone, so Davey is going to have to deal with this himself.

She's a tiny thing, Miriam is— only six months old— but she's loud. She's got a fever, heat radiating off her as he holds her, and her little face is all red and flushed. It must be miserable to be so small and so sick, a musing that he whispers to her as he paces the length of the small kitchen, rocking her and trying to settle her down.

"I was sick a lot as a baby, you know," he mutters in soft Yiddish, the first language among most people in their building. "At least that's what my parents tell me. I was smaller than I was meant to be, and always so sick, and no one was sure if I'd grow up healthy and strong. Here I am, though! I'm nearly seventeen and I'm perfectly well— and I'm even taller than lots of my friends, so I finally grew some. I don't get sick anymore. I'm sure you'll be alright."

X: a character you enjoy making suffer.

i think it might be clear from the amount of breakdowns i’ve written for him… but god i love to see jack kelly break. he’s just got so much potential for it and i love him

Y: a character you want to protect.

davey my love <3 i’m aware that contradicts how often i put him through the wringer (like the entire events of too many colours) but he deserves the whole world

[jawritter]

Born Under The Wrong Sign

Part 2

Summary: Dean Winchester, hunter, killer of Gods, demons, and monster, was born as an Omega. It never felt right, and he wants a change of biology. After all, just cause it’s what we’re assigned, it shouldn’t identify who we are…

Pairing: Omega!Dean Winchester x Alpha!Reader

Written For: @spnkinkbingo​​

Square field: Total Power Exchange

Word Count: 2511

Beta’d By: @miss-nerd95​​! Thanks again hun!

Dividers by: @firefly-graphics​​

Rating: Explicit

Warning: Identity Crisis? ABO Dynamics, smut, unprotected smut, mention of past abusive parents. John’s A+ parenting,  knotting, dirty talk, language, talk of sex change and presentation changes. Some self hate. Claiming, knotting, mating, hint of a possible breeding kink. I think that’s about it.

A/N: This is the first fic I’ve ever written like this one, even for ABO, and even though I’m sure they’re out there I’ve never read one quite like it. So, that being said, I’m pretty nervous about throwing this one out there for you guys! So I really do hope you enjoy it! Feedback is golden! Please do not copy my work! This is part 1, part 2 will drop later this week!!

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A lot had taken place since Dean’s heat ended three days ago. 

Step one of your plan to find a way to switch your biological presentations started with you contacting Sam at the men of letter’s bunker, and setting him to work researching to see if there was any lore that could help you both in your pursuit. 

Dean was worried that Sam wouldn’t be supportive or understanding of his current predicament, but Sam was more than willing to help his brother in whatever he chose to be. John still had Dean repressed a little to this day, it was a deep rooted fear of Dean’s that his family would be ashamed of him or reject him for feeling what he felt. Still, Sam set to work right away. 

Now it was just getting back to the younger Winchester at the Bunker and seeing what he found. You had taken a few days to make sure Dean recovered from his heat before traveling with him. This one had been bad, and he was still pretty tired, but he was also anxious to get back to his brother and see what he’d dug up. 

Dean was in his post heat, clingy phase as well, which added to traveling difficulty. Instinct was telling him to nest down and cuddle with you, and that was hard to do and drive, so it put you behind the wheel of Baby while he lay curled the best he could across the seat with his head in your lap. 

You subconsciously stroked his hair with your free hand as the miles rolled underneath you both and carried you closer to home. You would occasionally glance down at Dean, and you did note that he looked uncomfortable in this position, but what other choice did you have? You had to get to the Bunker as soon as possible if you were going to find an answer to this problem at all. 

Dean had fought against his biology for so long, that when the Omega side of him was more prevalent around his heats it looked odd to you. You were so used to Dean carrying himself as an Alpha would, that it almost looked as unnatural to you as it felt to him, and you could clearly see that he was not meant to be an Omega. This was clearly a mistake of biology. 

The same stood for you. 

You didn’t really carry yourself like an Alpha, even in private when it wasn’t needed that you held to the act to protect your Omega from being killed by other hunters who called Male Omega’s 'Genetic Freaks'. 

You loved to be close to Dean, almost as much as he liked to be close to you, and you were surprisingly submissive to him on the every day occasion. You even often let him have the upper hand in the bedroom, something he really enjoyed, and man you loved it when he took control. It felt more natural to you, it felt right, and you would be a liar if you said you hadn’t fantasized about Dean calling you his Omega just as much as he did. 

Your small frame even contradicted your Alpha status. It made protecting your Omega harder, because if someone was attracted by his unmistakable Omega scent when you weren't around to claim it as yours, especially another male, they could probably overpower you. That scared you a lot, especially in bars where the threat could turn real, real fast. 

You were relieved when you pulled up to the bunker, and didn’t have to stop the whole way. Dean being on the heels of his heat made his scent more prominent, even under suppressants, and you didn’t want to fight with another Alpha at a gas station. 

As the two of you made your way down the iron staircase of the Bunker, you could hear voices echoing through the walls of the place, one of which you recognized right away. Rowena MacLeod. That meant Sam must have found something.  Or, you thought sorrowfully, he found nothing, and he called for backup. 

You exchanged a look with your mate before entering the library where Sam, Rowena, and Cas were all gathered probably waiting for you.

You dropped your duffle bag to the floor with a thud as Dean looked to his little brother with a look of almost desperation. 

“Sammy, please tell me all these people here means you found something,” Dean pleaded, and Rowena guided the slightly trembling Omega to a seat in front of a bowl full of ingredients for a spell, and you took the one next to Dean; taking his hand in yours to give him a sense of security as much as you could. 

“Well, we think we have found something that can be tried,” Sam said, moving to the spell book that was open at the end of the table as Rowena grabbed your laced hands, and placed a twine of what looked to be rope laced with lavender around both of your wrists. 

“Apparently, you two aren’t the first to feel like you were born with the wrong presentations,” Rowena explained, adding a few more ingredients to the bowl before plucking a piece of hair from each of your heads. 

“So this spell is going to virtually swap our presentations?” you questioned, looking between the three other people in the room. 

“That’s the idea,” Cas answered, folding his arms over his chest. "I’m here just in case anything goes south and you guys need a quick healing.”

“The spell is painless,” Rowena interjected, seeing Dean’s worried expression as his gaze shifted between you and Cas. “But the spell will change you on a molecular level, so Castiel’s presence is just a precaution, really.” 

“You ready for this,” Sam asked his brother, who then looked at you with worry swimming in the green depths of his eyes. 

“You sure you want to do this with me. That you won't regret it?” Dean asked, and you tightened your grip on his hand in assurance. 

“I told you, Dean, I want to do this as much as you do,” you assured him and he leaned his forehead against yours. 

“Okay, do it,” Dean said to the room, and as if on cue Rowena began chanting over the bowl, her eyes glowing a bright purple before she struck a flame to the contents and a warm feeling rushed through your body as the twine around your wrist disintegrated in a flash of light. 

For just a moment, it seemed as if the world stood still as the whole room watched the two of you, and for a moment you were afraid nothing had changed. That was until you caught Dean’s scent. It was stronger, more potent than you had ever smelled it. Warm sandalwood and whiskey with just a hint of mint, and your mouth literally watered at the scent. 

You opened your eyes just in time to see the yellow glow of the Alpha now residing in your mate’s eyes fade as his gaze locked with your own, and a deep rumble growl erupted from his chest as he pulled you into his lap like he was scenting you for the first time. 

“Fuck, you smell amazing, Omega,” he said, rooting around your mating gland with his nose before lapping at where your claiming mark would very soon reside. Slick was already gathering in your panties just from him touching you, and everything was so intense it was almost breathtaking. This is what you had always been missing. It felt right, and for the first time in his arms, you felt like you were finally home as you purred against him.

Sam clearing his throat loudly reminded you both that you had an audience, and Dean reluctantly pulled away from you to glare at his little brother with annoyance. 

“Well, I take it the spell worked,” Rowena chuckled before grabbing Sam by the arm. “Come on you two, let’s leave them to it. They need to get reacquainted with each other.” 

They made a quick exit, and you and Dean watched as they retreated up the stairs and completely out of the bunker, leaving you alone with your Alpha. 

“Well, looks like we have to get 'reacquainted',” you told Dean, looking up at him and finding his lust-filled gaze staring down darkly at you. 

You noticed he was sitting a lot straighter and looked all together more stronger. It suited him. You also noticed that your old claiming mark was gone as you ran your fingers over the empty space over where it used to lay over his now smooth skin, and a shiver ripped through his body. 

“Don’t have to tell me twice, baby girl,” he rumbled, lifting you with ease and carrying you towards your shared room. 

It was as if your body was already in tune with your new Alpha, and every step Dean took towards his room, the wetter you became.  The light cramps of your first heat were already licking at your abdomen, making you whimper and nuzzle closer to him and his scent. 

Once you were in his room and the door kicked closed behind the both of you, Dean made quick work of the clothes that were covering both of your bodies and was now hovering over you, exploring your body as if he was seeing it for the first time again. His lips making trails, memorizing what makes you tick all over once more, taking your breast into his warm mouth, sucking and lapping at your body until you were all but begging him for his knot. 

“Hang on Omega, I got to warm you up first,” he murmured against your lips and you shivered as his fingers descended on your slick folds, running through them before breaching your entrance with ease. He pumped and curled them, adding a second finger, then a third; pressing his thumb against your throbbing clit as your body fell apart around his fingers and he scissored you open, preparing you for his knot as he kissed you drunk, swallowing your moans as pure pleasure washed over your body. 

You whined at the loss of his fingers when he finally removed them from your body, and he chucked against your lips, pecking them softly, and nibbling along your lower lip.

“Please, Alpha,” you beg him. “I need you to knot me, stop teasing.” 

Dean grunts lowly in his throat, licking at your mating gland and rutting his already leaking cock through your folds, making your body arch off the bed to meet him in a silent plea to be fully filled by him.

“God you have no idea how long I’ve dreamed of you calling me Alpha, sweetheart,” he admitted kissing you deeply. “Gonna take such good care of you Omega.”

You shivered at the mention of your new presentation while nipping at the skin of his throat. 

“Turn over and present for your Alpha, pretty girl, let me see what’s mine,” he commanded, and before the words were all the way out of his mouth you were on all fours, presenting for him. The deep approving growl that fell out of his mouth had slick literally siding down your thighs. 

“So fucking beautilful, baby girl,” he praised as he slowly pressed the tip of his cock into your waiting heat. “This pussy mine baby girl, all this slick because of me?”

“It’s all yours, Alpha, all for you,” you told him with a keen as he snapped his hips forward and seated himself fully inside your heat with a deep groan. 

All thought process, all words, everything flew right out the window as humanity faded away and pure animalistic instinct took over as Dean pounded relentlessly into you, driving you higher and higher until you could feel his cock swelling further and his knot starting to catch with every thrust. His fingers slipped from your hips to your clit and he began to rub furiously in time with his pace until you were screaming his name and coming around his knot as it locked the two of you place as he lifted you body against his, his teeth latching deep in your throat, calling you as his as he spilled into you, filling you with his cum. 

When you finally came down from your high, Dean was licking at your new claiming mark, healing it only the way an Alpha could, and he was lowering you both so that now you were on your sides. 

“You okay, Omega?” He asked, purring as he nuzzled into your hair, reveling in your scent that was mixed with his own. 

“Perfect, Alpha,” you said, slipping down deeper into his hold.

For a long time no words were said, no words were needed. The unexplainable peace that was between you was enough. For the first time, everything was as it should have been all along.

Dean always knew, he just knew he was never meant to be born as an Omega. It was something deep down inside of him that just was always there from the moment he presented, and the same was for you. For the first time. Everything felt right. 

“You know, maybe we can try to have pups now,” you said after a while and Dean’s body had already been detached from your own. 

“What?” Dean asked, sitting up on his elbow and tucking the strand of your hair away from your face that had fallen. 

“Maybe we can have pups now. I mean, It’s not as dangerous for me to carry them, and now that I’m an Omega we don't hide my heats away. I could stay here at the Bunker and raise the pup and help with research...I don’t know. It’s just something I want with you now.”

Dean thought for a moment before bringing his lips to yours in a slow kiss, one that made your toes curl. 

“You know what sweetheart, I think I like that idea. A lot.” Dean admitted. 

This was the first day of the rest of your new lives together, and now there was a chance to have a family, and Dean knew then. He was really and truly finally at home in his own skin for the first time. 

“I love you, ya know,” he told you, slipping your leg over his hips and sliding his already hardening length into your still slick center. “My pretty Omega.”

“I love you too, Alpha,” you  purred as he slowly started to rock his hips into you, dragging his cock through your heat and sending waves of deep pleasure through your body. “Now fuck a pup into me baby. You know how impatient I am,” you teased him. 

“Yes, ma’am,” he laughed. There was a promise laced in that chuckle that sent a shiver down your spine. It was the first of many promises he intended to make good on, and you couldn’t wait to start a family with him. Your Dean, your Alpha.

Forever Tags: 

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ABO Forever: 

@lyarr24​

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Dean’s ABO

@akshi8278​

@love-jackles-37-blog​

[lucky-sevens]

on aurora

aurora! she’s 1. the love of my life 2. incredible i care her and finally 3. all her lore is a mess. recently, i’ve been bothered by the lack of aurora-centric fics- there’s a few, but they’re all nastyaurora- but i’ve realized that’s not really a fault of the fandom! aurora is difficult to write and hard to learn things about! so, i’ve decided to make this meta on her!

it has two sections; history, which is more lore-focused red stringing, and characterization, which gathers some of her canon thoughts and reactions on things in an attempt to help people write her.

a large amount of this is based on things maki has said on the discord, which are both partially secret and of dubious canonicity, so please keep that in mind! (and assume that when a source is not cited, that is the reason).

in addition, i have written the aurora’s wiki page, which includes a list of physical features! this is helpful for anything set onboard.

history

terra

aurora was born as a moon! moons being weaponized is apparently a thing that happens, so that’s likely how she’s a ship now, but the physics of all this are very strange. she seems to have grown up in the same way as a human, meeting carmilla as a baby and jonny and nastya when she was older. importantly, she was sentient as a moon, and this is before she had any sort of programmed ai! she wasn’t capable of speaking at that point, but that may have just been because of her very young age.

aurora and dr carmilla have known each other for a very long time. extrapolating from things maki has said, we can assume that aurora was a moon of terra, carmilla’s home planet. maki has implied in the discord that 1. terra used to have two moons and 2. carmilla blew the other one up; that, combined with ‘i raised an orphan’ and a few other messages, could suggest that carmilla did the moon equivalent of killing aurora’s parent. perhaps because of this, carmilla took it upon herself to raise aurora. however, aurora is not a mechanism. as a alternative theory (though not a mutually exclusive one) there are a few messages about carmilla ‘creating life’ in discussions of aurora; we know carmilla didn’t assist with aurora’s birth, but it’s possible, as they are moons, that rather than already being there aurora was created from one of the fragments of the moon carmilla destroyed.

cyberia

we don’t know what happened between aurora and carmilla that made them separate, or how aurora ended up in cyberia; however, we know quite a lot about what happened there.

a large amount of it can be found in the fiction ‘the ghost in the machine’. the first thing there that i will address is that aurora’s sentience was actively inhibited rather than increased by her programming. as noted above, we know she was sentient as a moon, and the fiction repeatedly pushed that cyberia did not have fully fledged artificial intelligences, or if they did did not treat them as people. she is also said to have ‘hard-coded inorganic response patterns‘ coded into her, which are likely things similar to the toy soldier’s compulsion to follow orders. needless to say, that was most likely not a good situation for her to be in. it’s difficult to speak on this without getting too far into my headcanons, but my thoughts are that she was very dehumanized, most likely turned into a warship against her will, and the one person who cared a small bit more about her only did so as a project/experiment, which is equally as bad.

speaking of which, let’s discuss that! we meet aurora’s programmer, specialist 278 tereshkova, in ghost in the machine, where her distress call serves as the titular ghost. (i’m not going to summarize the actual fiction- it’s 1152 words and quite well written, if you want to read it!) the one direct line we have about her relationship with aurora is this- ‘[Aurora’s] software engineers never needed art either, although Specialist 278 Tereshkova thought of programming like lacework.‘, which suggests that 1. tereshkova had a bit more focus/care on aurora specifically but 2. still viewed her in a dehumanizing lens and likely contributed to aurora’s suffering. this is supported by the fact that aurora did not talk about her or attempt to help her when she was dying on the ship.

we actually have a large amount of information about who tereshkova was as a person! this is because she coded the mechanisms’ blog, (as in specifically, the wordpress one with posts archived on their website) and in a way that makes her personality show. well, what is her personality, you may ask? ...incredibly passive-aggressive and annoying. it’s so funny i love it. (’tales of the blogbot’) (sample blog post). we know the mechs are able to reprogram it, though with difficulty (1 / 2), and nastya actually mentions communicating with it (x), which goes unaddressed. 

joining the mechanisms

moving on: when jonny and carmilla go to cyberia, carmilla tasks him with stealing aurora. (’how the aurora was won’). this could be because carmilla recognizes aurora; in fact, getting her back could have been the entire reason why they went to cyberia in the first place, with nastya being a bonus.

the aurora is most likely based upon the historical ship of the same name. (wikipedia). said ship fired the first shot of the october revolution, signalling the assault on the winter palace. this is the revolution nastya died in (both historical anastasia and mechs nastya, though i’m referring to the latter here). this suggests, because jonny stole her from the cyberian navy rather than revolutionists, that jonny and/or carmilla decided to fight in the revolution. this ties in with the theory that carmilla was purposefully sabotaging the mechanisms’ past lives (i have not written on this and do not plan to, but it’s a fairly common one) or it could also be viewed as several other things, including them just finding it a fun idea. this is contradicted by ghost in the machine, in which tereshkova says that an already supposed-to-be dead nastya was one of the people boarding the ship- however, that bit of ghost in the machine does not line up with any of the other canon.

characterization

any attempt to tell people how to write her is obviously going to be dependent on my own personal views and headcanons, but i’ve tried to compile as much canon as possible to let people make their own decisions.

in ‘the aurora strikes’, aurora is the one who advocates for the mechanisms to help briar rose. there’s an additional line in ouat(is) live, ‘she cannot bear to see another biomechanical organism in pain’, that points to her being sympathetic towards briar rose, and/or having high empathy. (it’s important to note here that empathy and sympathy are not synonyms- empathy is literally feeling someone else’s emotions to some degree, and so aurora having high empathy would be a slightly more literal take on that line). either way, she makes the mechanisms help briar rose, pointing to her being more compassionate/having more morals than most of the other mechanisms.

the fiction ‘a bedtime story’ is the one with the largest amount of dialogue from aurora. the main thing we can learn about her character here, besides the physical features of the ship, is what her speech patterns are like. they’re a bit strange, and read very much like an ai is speaking. in addition, we know aurora is comfortable enough around nastya to let nastya edit her programming, which given the cyberia section above could definitely be interpreted as a big deal.

this facebook post is interesting, because in the comments we learn aurora’s reaction to nastya leaving to destroy cyberia. (if you didn’t know about that bit of nastya’s story, ‘drive the cold winter away’ is here and ‘cyberian demons’ is here.) we don’t know if aurora was aware of nastya’s plan, though she likely was, but either way, her response was to become quiet and stay very cagey about it. 

edit: a few small points i forgot! aurora has a voice + can communicate with the crew beyond nastya (ghost in the machine) and apparently has the same amount/brand of chaos as nastya (discord messages).

there isn’t too much else on what aurora’s like, given that she’s not an actual band member, but these three things are a good starting point. i could find a few more, but at that point it would just be a compilation of links to very minor mentions or bits of dialogue that don’t give very much of an actual insight to aurora’s character.

thank you for reading! aurora is one of my favorite characters and i hope to see more fic about her in the future!

[valleydean]

hello :) I hope you don't mind me asking, I am unsure if I've asked this before, but in terms of writing fanfic, do you often do a plan whilst writing wips? e.g. for a ghost story (great work btw) have you already written everything but it's currently drafting atm? What's your process if you don't mind sharing? :)

hey! thanks for asking!

for wips, i do plan ahead. i usually start by creating an outline with characters, general plot points, and setting. like, this is my own for a ghost story:

and then i plot out a more detailed outline of the chapters. like, here it is for the first two chaps:

(I usually write it in black and then, when i’m actually finished writing the scene, i mark it in red - but i had two separate timelines for this fic so i originally color coded them in green and blue. because destiel!! and it’s all red because obviously those scenes have been written for a while.)

a lot of times, as you can see, the info on here is very general and a lot of times it’s either nonsensical to anyone who isn’t me or it’s shorthand. like, a lot of times, i’ll write something like “benny teases him” or “night” and i’ll know what that means but it seems batshit to anyone else. sometimes i’ll just straight up write jokes that are extremely vague references to what’s supposed to happen, and i just know what i’m talking about while also making myself chuckle! but i do have some instances where the outline is more detailed and i’ll put in dialogue or very specific things that happen.

and there are other times where i’ll put actually character or relationship arcs instead of just story arcs in the document. like, for example, spoilers but here’s a section of the outline i have going for the season 16 i’m about to write:

mostly, i only use this document as a reference guide more than i use it as scripture. because the fic is constantly changing and i don’t always update the outline! lmao. but yes, i do initially plot out a lot of it.

and then, when i’m writing, i definitely don’t write in order! i’ll write a scene from chapter 4 before i write anything for chapter 1 sometimes. but i’ll kinda put the plot points from my summary in the chapter documents and have them as a marker until i write that scene.

and i do like to have at least half of the fic done before i start posting anything on ao3. for a longer fic, i like to have it 75% done, actually. i feel like this gives me a lot of time to have my beta readers check it out and to rap with them about the story, and then like - kinda figure shit out for myself too! because the story is always evolving and the characters sometimes just up and do things i never planned for, which makes the fic go in another direction! so i can go back and change things in earlier chapters if i need to and not have to worry about contradicting myself with a chapter that’s already posted.

so yeah, i do have an outline, but also my process is a mix of that and “fuck around and find out.”

and that’s about it! i mean... idk how many people do it like this. i feel like my method of pre-writing is very like...... screenplay-esque. because i studied production in school and my job is in tv, so this is how i’ve learned to approach projects - by creating a “bible” (which is the term used in the industry.) i know nothing about outlines for published books though, so they may be similar!

but anyway! thanks for the question! i’m sorry my answer is so long. but i’m SO happy you’re liking a ghost story and i very much hope you enjoy the ending! thanks so much for reading it!

[gisellelx]

Hello! Love your blog and i wanna say

Your analysis and your posts in general are always so well researched historically. How do you do that and how can I do it too?

So I wanted to answer this with care and time and thoughtfully. I hope this answer will be good not just for you but will be worth reblogging for anyone who wants to think about how you develop good researching skills more generally. Because ultimately getting good at making sense of the world isn’t just about writing or just about fic or just about academia; it’s about being a good citizen of the world.  The short answer to this question, up front: I’ve gotten good at research because it’s my actual job! I’m a professor and not even a new one really anymore; I have a book of research coming out later this year which still feels really weird to say. I happen to know how old you are because we’ve chatted so don’t forget to put into perspective that before you started formal schooling I had already written my first 50+ page research work. I’ve been at this seriously for almost two decades now. However, there are some fundamental ways that professional researchers go about thinking about everything, whether it’s something as inconsequential as fic or as monumental as the stuff going on in the U.S. right now that I think are a little different, and they’re replicable in useful ways. So here’s three things that matter.  Get curious. This actually is pretty easy for fanfic writers because we already have something we’re curious about--whatever fandom(s) we’re in. But curiosity isn’t just about the spark; it’s also about getting interested in making connections between different kinds of things. When you encounter any given piece of information, the first thing you should start thinking about is “how does this piece of information fit in with everything else I already know” which will lead you to “how does it contradict what I already know” and “what else do I need to know to understand how this fits?” This leads you down really interesting rabbit holes.  An example from fic/tumblr answers: A witch hunting Anglican really doesn’t map on to what I know of Anglicans/Episcopalians in present-day. So then I start to ask, “Okay. What was actually going on in the church in the 1640s?” I’m going to mesh it with some of my own knowledge: I know the protestant reformation happened a hundred years earlier, but I don’t know a ton about what happened after, except that the Puritans arrived in New England eh, about that time. So I go down the rabbit hole of finding out about the church in the 1640s. At some point there I’m going to run across some of the secular history: that the 1640s was the English Civil War. Okay, what was the Civil War about? Who won? How long were they in control? Questions beget questions and true, at some point, you have to decide when to stop if it’s for writing. But honestly, if you’re curious, you probably won’t stop thinking about it even if you’ve found out enough to answer the thing you want to answer. Because you’ll 

Develop a lens. The thing you’re interested in becomes the way you start to see the world. Start relating everything to the thing you are trying to find out more about. Notice when you’re getting more information about that thing or when something would matter to that thing. I have an assignment I give my students where they have to write four short assignments relating stuff they see about language use to the things they’re learning in class. It’s partially to teach them about the concepts they’re learning, and partially to teach them about writing, but it’s mostly to accustom them to viewing the world through the lens I’m teaching them. It’s to help them get curious about why one barista’s tone sounds friendly and the other’s doesn’t even though the say the exact same thing. It’s mutually reinforcing: the lens begets curiosity and curiosity begets the development of the lens. If I encounter a fact, a piece of history, a moment in time, an old song, there’s a little piece of my brain after 11 years of writing Twific that is always asking “Where were the Cullens?” I have headcanons for days about how each of them, especially Carlisle, would’ve dealt with any individual moment in history. When I sing an old hymn in church I sometimes look down at the date in the hymnal to find out if it’s one Carlisle would’ve sung as a human. I’m always working through this lens, and that means I’m always adding to the knowledge. 

Finally, source well. Especially for something as fanciful as fic, there’s not a lot of reason to dive deep into academic tomes (although I have; I am a fucking nerd. See above re: my work.) But dive deeper than the first page of google. Read the first Wikipedia page you come to, but then read a couple of the pages it links to! If the English Civil War has to do with Cromwell and it established the Protectorate, and those things are linked? Well, read those, too! And then you might need to cross-reference--okay, now I know what the Protectorate was, and I’ve decided from that original go-round that Carlisle’s dad was probably a Puritan, not really an Anglican, so...what was the relationship of Puritans to the Protectorate? I’m going to next throw that into google. And I’m looking for high-quality sources: magazines, university websites, things that end with .edu or .gov. I’m clicking on the “about” to find out who wrote the thing and how much of an expert they are. If they say something that no one else has said and I can’t find anything that tells me they’re an expert in this? I’m going to disregard that info and move on. This is applicable to way more than just fic--this is about figuring out that as much as I go YEAH YEAH YEAH at some hyper-partisan trash website that fits my political view, I need to step back and consider where it’s coming from, who the author is, and how much they know.  The more you’ve sourced, the easier this gets. My knowledge on Carlisle’s history goes deep, I fell in love with him and only him when I read the series. I have read about popular culture when he was growing up, I have read histories of the English Church, I have spent time thinking about and being fascinated by the history of the development of medical knowledge and medical schools. I didn’t go to the Eye or Big Ben when I happened to be in London; I went to the City Museum and wandered around the part of the city where I imagine he lived, looking for things which have survived since the 17th century and taking note of things which are new to think about what Carlisle would think about them (he is very un-fond of the Gherkin.) I literally spent a day and a half looking at London through Carlisle’s eyes. Because I’m curious; because I have a lens; and because I’m going to grab good sources whenever I have them.  That is a SUPER long post. But I hope it’s helpful. When it comes to writing, the richer your knowledge, the more likely you are to drop the right detail which places your reader and makes them buy into everything else in the world. I remember reading a fic which took place in my hometown and the author had one of the Cullens flying in their private jet. In my hometown, a mid-sized city in the midwest, there is a commercial international airport, but there is also a smaller airfield which handles much of the private air traffic. That author had that Cullen plane take off from the smaller airfield. I don’t know if she is also from my hometown, but she got that detail right, and it signaled that I could trust the rest of her storytelling.  So. It’s worth it: to be a good writer, to be a good researcher, and just to be good at understanding the world. I hope that helps and sorry for the word vomit. Professors write a lot, too. 

[inabottlelikelightning]

SEVEN. TWELVE. FOURTEEN.

HELLO AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR YELLING IT IS APPRECIATED AS ALWAYS :D

7. what is you favourite sentence/paragraph? read it to us! (asker can choose what fic)

VERY tough question, especially since I don't remember most of what I've written lmfao. I'll include some, one from something published, and 2 from WIPs.

"But Theo Raeken was born with a broken heart, so he thinks it’s only fitting that he dies with one too." -you only feel one emotion at a time

as for the WIP, it was college au emo hours a bit ago and i spiraled and wrote This fragment. don't know if it's my Favorite, but. it's there!! thought everyone deserved it since it's been a bit since i posted a chapter haha

Sometimes when Liam has one too many drinks and he looks at the curve of Theo's smile he thinks, I almost didn't meet you, I almost didn't know you, how could I have just gone on, not knowing you like this, and Liam feels the solid warmth of him up against him, the shape of arms around him -- a familiar shape, one where Liam's made himself a home and buried himself deep, and laid his head to rest -- and there's a lump in Liam's throat, and all he manages is, "I'm so fucking lucky," before his throat closes up, and his eyes start getting wetter than he would like, stinging , and he can't finish it, can't say, lucky to know you like this, lucky to meet you and eat your food and hear you laugh like that, like you have no mercy on the rest of us, a laugh like that, what are you thinking? Are you trying to kill me? And so he just repeats it, says, "I'm so lucky, I'm so fucking lucky, Theo," and his name tastes so good on Liam's tongue, so good, so sweet, just like him. And Theo asks, "Okay, Liam?" and Liam wants to kiss his knee and the bone of his ankle and the arch of his foot and crawl right between his ribs and cry.

and then there's this, which was experimental but i had fun doing it. almost done tbh, might post it sometime soon.

What happened?, you ask, clumsily prying back the edges of his clean-cut mask with clawed fingers, messily picking at the edges of his expression when it's already just barely scabbing over.

12. what headcanon will you keep implementing in your fics, even if canon ends up contradicting it?

you can pry my morey + theo threesome jokes and theo as a cat dad characterizations out of my cold dead hands. theo + pack members brotp because he deserves to have friends. i think everything else is canon compliant enough. body horror + theo and public indecency + liam + lack of common sense was established in the show

14. what trope would you refuse to write even if you were paid to do it?

sure!! here's a long fucking list

uhh noncon between the main pairing, physical or emotional abuse between the main pairing, anything with a questionable age gap and/or one of them is a minor while the other Isn't. mpreg, because.. yikes. any jealous girlfriend bullshit villainizing good female characters. weird white-savior-complex fic. anything with racist undertones, although I feel like in fic those are usually Accidental, but still. a poc![insert white character here] because what the fuck. magical!stiles stilinski or any of it's derivatives. any stiles ships tbh. i will probably never write a coffeeshop au in my Life unless i pull some serious trope subversions. hookerfic. student/teacher stuff. anything with fridging because Big Fucking Yikes. a/b/o. there are more, i'm sure, but these are just off the top of my head.