#and idk maybe itll come back
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Nooo don't give up on VS how am I supposed to live without your bjorn doodles
I can't actually draw- i just get possessed by fandom ghosts and can't control when they leave or why :U
Handing you some bjorn doodles tho so you dont die. Its not much but its whatta got
#the anime acted as an exorcism#unfortunately#ask#bjorn is still my bbg i think#and idk maybe itll come back#but i waited a few days to see#and i am just not feelin possessed by fandom ghosts :/#good thing i didnt end up makin a whole side blog...#vinland saga
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this is like art therapy to me
#i was thinking 24h gyms could be a great place to feed as a siren predator type maybe on par with clubs or bars#also him hunting in really public places creates so many plot holes considering hes a celebrity missing person at least a gym is more lowke#like itll still come out eventually but not 3 days into him being a vampire#almost went on a rant about the circulatory system again i need to go back to drawing stuff for it#anyways diamila sneak. take your childe to work kind of day#i like the idea of elias working as like a hound or a scourge? idk lower ranks positions for the camarilla are so vague#especially since la is in a full on vampire civil every camarilla vampire has a 50/50 chance of becoming an accountant or a hitman#elias doesnt know how to multiply... be real#/elias#/diamila
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Its jover folks. My computer is busted. Sooooooo no art for awhile . :'(
#it is NOT turing on . so. wont be able to draw for. awhile.#all my filessssss my wips and doodles nooooooooo#im not like. super upest. like yeah its fucked up but like. its whatever mostly#im sure i will be more upset as time goes by bcuz rn i still hope itll come back 2 life#i spilled some soda on it but i thought i cleaned it up and dried it and it was fine at first#then i turned it off to keep it from frying and now she sleeping 4ever 😭😭😭#hopefully we can fix it tho once we get the right screws#my younger sibling has torn apart some laptops b4 and im hoping it might just need to be cleaned#or maybe get a replacement power button or something idk we shall see when we crack it open#we shall see once we crack it open#orange is typing...
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I'm really happy that there even is a season 4 of ane but man the direction feels so weird in those first two episodes. Like the flow of the scenes is off and the same with music and sound overall? Often an ost track doesn't match the feeling of a scene?? Like what happened? I remember s3 also having weird issues but not like that?
#i know im being pretty vague but im tired rn maybe ill come back to it with more thoughts#and ill see how itll go#in the next episodes#maybe there were some staff changes idk maybe ill check it out later#and im still very very hyped for this season dont get me wrong#i love my silly comfort show#my stuff#ao no exorcist#blue exorcist
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how does it feel to be half of yourself
#I got possessed and stayed up until 10am doodling this oopsies#it was supposed to be a warm down…after the other thing ive been working on…#but no#thank god i never finish sketches or you would never hear from me#anyway just playing with some of my thoughts on elfilin#pre-forgo dreams*#the gray text in the bottom left isn’t meta knight speaking idk if that was unclear#i mean you can believe it is I guess. im not committing to one answer#mainly because it breaks my heart imagining anyone being a little (and okay it could be unintentional) rude to elfy#maybe ill come back with more thoughts on this whole thing later idk#kirbyposting#elfilin#my art or something#meta knight#kirby#kirby and the forgotten land#hmm i thought about saving this for a bigger post but then itll never get posted so uhh here#tbh creature#autism creature
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and when i live on my own ill be able to decorate like real life decorate ive never gotten to do that in real life b4
#like im not barred from doing it Nd i do like. a little bit kind of but its like. Idk my entire life is a very transient thing and im rly#rly rly not used to being in one place for a long time so as a kid we never rly decorated ever#and like obv i wont be Owning a house or anything like that so itll still have to be moveable but i can like. but furniture that i like and#stuff... ive never gotten to do that b4 even in um. wa. i didnt rly get to do any of the decorating even when i was in the actual house bc#him and the roommates umm. did all that. Okay well now ive sort of freaked it by making myself think of that so im going to go stare#longingly at the floorplan i did#bc umm. well ideally id like to move into one of the apartments thats right across the way bc theres a couple of apt buildings like right#there 5 min walk tops and one of the places Has an open one but no floorplan#i wont be movjng out for ages i just wanted to look at floorplans yk#but like i said no floorplans BUT theres one a bit further away not rly walkable bc its umm#youd have to walk on the interstate and stuff and um. no sidewalk and everything but theeeeeeeeee thing had a floorplan#still very close by like 2 min drive but yk. but i still did my little mockup floorplan with that apartment instead#i want it to be closeby so everybody can come visit and so that i dont die and explode . i dont rly want to continue living in this town#4ever once km like Normal and have savings and ive got everything worked out i wanna maybe move to chicago or something since il is better#for the transgenderisms. + ive always wanted to try living in a big city at least once and i think itd be awesome#but thats Ages and ages away like maybe 5 years depending on how good i am. weeee will see if 5 years in the future is like on the table 4#me LOLLLL 24 year old connor seems rly crazy to imagine. but anyways....#but itll be nice to move out and still be in town bc then i can have the same job yk . and maybe ill know how to drive atp and i can like .#buy a car ..or something . if i do know how to drive#which i probably should since this town very car dependent and i dont want my mom to have to drive me to work esp if umm. i dont live with#them ... im just rly rly rly rly rly fucking scared of driving but i know also in my heart that when i do know how to drive the bond between#me and that car will be crazyyyy like. idk how many of you followed me last year but you may remember my insane bond with angel my cart from#work and there was a lot gokng on woth that <- was Very delusional at the time and i was convinced that she was a sentient thing and had the#power to make my life better or worse if i upset her so i said good morning and goodnight to her every single day so that i could have a#good day . looking back on it probably was something to be concerned abt but whatever.... she is still my best friend and i do miss her#deeply#her bathtub and heater were my besttt friends when i was in wa LOL. i was quite unwell#bathtub is still in my room tho yayyy. heater lives with lamp now and angel is of course at my old job....#bathtub currently is holding a project i gave up on. everyone say thank.you bathtub im looking at her right now
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I'm uh... starting to not like sanscest or stuff like that. That won't stop me from liking post about it or stuff like that. I just kinda fell out of it. Lol.
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AHHHHHH
#this post brought to you by: me#i. applied for a preapproval letter for a mortgage yesterday. and spoke to a realtor to start finding me houses#i want to move several states away which further complicated things. but the houses there are CHEAP#like under 100k for a 2 bedroom move in ready#anyways i got approved for 80k with a 20k down payment. and im FREAKING THE FUCK OUT#and because i got that pre app letter i have a loan officer calling me today to talk#and we literally work at the same bank so i can SEE that hes active and hasnt read my message#even though its been 45 minutes. KEVIN MESSAGE ME BACK. IM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FOCUS UNTIL I DO THIS CALL#AHHHHHHH S C R E A M. it might happening!!!! i might be finally.mov8ng out in a few months!!!#i mgiht be a HOMEOWNER by the end of the year#i have been saving money for this since i was. 16? 17?#ive had a good well paying job since i was 18.#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#once i have a house then i start job searching in that area. and start getting really serious about LEAVING my very good job#which is soooo scary. this job was supposed to be my lifelong career. but then everyone fucking moved to other states and left me behind#so theres no point staying here.#i might never have this kind of job security again.#but also my realtor said that theres a lot of bank jobs in that area so maybe itll be easy to find something#on the fence on if i tell my parents that im Making Moves right now#on one hand its hard to not talk about it becuae im STRESSED TF OUT#but on the other hand when i tentatively mentioned the state i want to move to#richard started yelling and swearing el oh el#might be better to wait and avoid the tension as long as possible?#but also i dont know how they can stay angry when its literally my best option#the other places where my friends live either have 0 opportunity and high housing prices. or are even moe liberal than where im going#idk. why do half of my problems come down to “my parents will be mad” like im a 12 year old or something. shit fucking sucks#this is why i want to get out of here#also it feels weird and bad to talk to my friends about how stressed i am about buying a house when all of them are stressed about#not being able to make rent or something. my problems feel like a brag in a really odd and shitty way. but hey!#if this works out maybe ill start being stressed about how im going to make my mortgage payments! :') yay!
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The quick progression in my mindset from "omg f1 is back!!! I can't wait to watch testing!!!" to "wait why am I watching this, I do not give a shit" 😭😭😭(I do not have the mental capacity rn for just watching cars go around)
#i have no idea why i was so into it last yr?????#idk i guess i just have very little hope of catching any of my guys on screen#bcs last yr i only watched one and somehow managed to catch great moments#but i have no recollection of what the conditions of those sessions were yknow???#like who was driving who was out#and i dont have the mental energy to sit and camp :')#in one of those random 'nothing makes me joyful' eras#itll pass but i just feel like restless and dispassionate#and i was waiting for testing to come on#my brain was literally like: wait. why do i even care about this JDKFKGKV#get in the game brain!!!!#imma watch a movie or smth instead#cant decide yet#maybe ill come back to testing later#catie.rambling.txt
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Heads up literally right before cringetober I've been doing literally so bad mentally so if I miss a few days DON'T GET ON MY ASS ABOUT IT PLEAAAASE. On top of my heavily declining mental health I have school and that makes it worse. I'll try to finish all the prompts but just pleaaase be easy on me if I miss a day man,,, I'm sensitive right now
#i act so cool and shit on here but im doing horriblr#i have 1 irl friend and he doesnt go to my school#im failing my classes#and im just sad all the time#its constant#and the nightmares of me dying brutally are coming back#so theres that too#idk im just so miserable rn#but i dont wanna post about it on here#since im supposed to be silly and happy for everyone#so yea sorry#i draw everything 1 day in advance though so#100% there will be art tomorrow#ill try to follow through the whole way#maybe itll get my mind off whatever my head is stuck on#shut up hazel#👍👍
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i need eddie to get another guy friend in season 8, and buck loses his shit about it (again), so he breaks up with t because he's convinced that the weird feeling he gets when he sees them together is because he is Really attracted to the new guy.
#like things with t are fine cuz he likes exploring this new side of himself even if t doesnt always match his energy but whatever its fun#and maybe at work chim is the one who brings up eddies new friend and he is immediately just. what new friend?#chim laughs and says. tbf last time eddie got a new friend you attacked him so you could date his friend. hes probably keeping it to himsel#and bucks like. dude what. that was. yeah it was shitty of me but it was a one time thing. i wont do it again...#and when eddie shows up for shift buck immediately asks about his new friend and eddie tells him about the guy without hesitation#after shift tho buck is like. why didnt you tell me about him? after t i get why you dont want to but im just. you dont have to worry man.#buck. i know. im not worried. anyway he and i are gonna head to a bar to catch the game. you want to come with? you can bring t if hes free#oh. thats. thatd be okay? i dont want to idk ruin the vibe by bringing a date#nah man. itll be fine#and so he and t go to the bar and eddies already inside with the new friend and its Fine. its Great actually because t gets along with eddi#and the new guy and the new guy makes eddie laugh and doesnt miss a beat and knows more about the teams record this season than buck and#buck is doing Fine. this guys smile is big and his eyes are bright and when he laughs he sorta leans into eddies space alittle and its Fine#the night ends and buck and t go back to his apartment and buck cant stop thinking about that guys hand when it clapped down on eddies#shoulder or the look on his face as he teased eddie about the beer he drinks (cuz its kinda bad but only buck can say that) and buck Cant.#he wants that guy. he wants his hands and grin and teasing voice all to himself and not on eddie.#so he breaks up with t and ts confused af cuz i thought things were going good?#yeah. i just. i want to explore my options yk now that ive uh figured out i like men.#and its a clean break. not dramatic or messy. t tells him to call if he every changes his mind. buck wont.#bucks trying to not pry about eddies new friend and he doesnt grill eddie or anyone and just waits and listens to all the new info he gains#and eventually eddie invites him out to watch another game because whatever team they were watching made it to the playoffs#and when he gets there eddies like. no t tonight?#nah we. uh. we broke up.#eddie says sorry man that sucks. and the new guy is like. honestly he didnt even seem that into you which what an idiot. youre great.#and its good because the new guy splits his attention between the two of them now. eddie isnt the only one getting hands and grins and eyes#and the third time theyre at the bar the guy follows him to bathroom and kisses him hard against the door before pulling back with a#panicked sorry and leaving and when buck finds eddie after hes like. what happened? new guy ran out of here without even saying goodbye#he kissed me in the bathroom. i think uh. i think he was kinda freaking out about it and thats why he left.#and eddie just blinks at him before being like. buck. buck you said you werent going to do this again.#i didnt mean to! and buck means it. he just saw the way that guy made eddie laugh and put his hands on eddie and had eddies attention and#oh.
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found this while cleaning out my layers and I really wish I could remember what puka was saying
#ive never forgotten to write the dialogue what. Huh.#I must have deleted it or somthing. Idk maybe itll come back to me#Pc spoilers#PC
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Can I rant about something so specific to me only. Yes that's what this blog is for I guess but. Aughh. Here we come tags
#tw for pets going bathroom in the house. ok#also this is just building from months of tension. but anyway#so when darbys dad is out of town no one is up in the morning to take the little dog out.#so she always chooses to come into the basement and poop on the floor#which is annoying but it happens. whatever.#this can easily be solved by closing the basement door at night until someone gets up to take her out#anyway yesterday darbys oldest sister brought it up that muttilda pooped in the basement again and i was like oh nooo that sucks!#i thought i closed the door last nigjt! which i did but i dont wanna lecture on it#and i just got cold silence. lol. and guess what happened again today!#i closed it last night and guess what. door open poop on the floor!#im glad i found it. ill deal with it instead of getting whatever mind games are being played#hdbdbd i dont wanna bring it up bc itll cause a whole thing like pet stuff usually does late.#w the sister specifically. like idk maybe she likes that its quote unquote our dog being bad instead of her cats pissing on the walls#which has happened several times and telling her and not telling her has both been bad for us. so sighs.#anyway brekky time its all good forever now darbys dad will be back tomorrow--!!#i habent updated on the living situation in a while. its fine but is alot. anyway. seeya!#probby delete this lol
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finished act 5. gonna be honest I think I've completely lost the plot here
#homestuck liveblog#i feel like i both understand everything and nothing at the same time#vriska got everyone killed but not in This reality it was a Splinter Reality that actually didnt exist and was only real in terezi's head-#all the trolls have ancestors that played out their lives and then died and were brought back because the reincarnations would be stronger?#Several characters are dead and idk whos permanently dead never coming back and whos gonna be fine just give the timeline a sec#i mean i knew people would die but i also thought homestuck is the kinda series where our heroes change the timeline to save everyone#is vriska permanently dead?? that cant be right#doc scratch is doing something nefarious ig all of our humans are god tier now idk how the fuck aradia came back Again but i love her for it#idk. maybe itll make sense when i finish act 6 lol
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if you plan on fixing the sticks on your switch yourself i'd like to warn about being really careful with the screws
i tried replacing my joycon shells once and they stripped really easily
im not sure if the lite uses the same screws but i wouldn't be shocked
oh that's good to know , thanks for telling me! i think that i'll probably end up sending the switch to nintendo in the end to play it safe, but i'll definitely keep it in mind if the problem arises after that o_ob
#ask zeno#thanks to everybody whos been helping me out with this stuff :D#i think i'll probably send it off after the ice cream splatfest and maybe itll come back before the end of the month ...#idk how long repairs take i think the site said 10-ish days ?#hopefully itll be fine 👍🏿
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its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF
#not anything serious i was just thinking how like. idk. this is gonna sound rly stupid#but for me personally like. sometimes. How do i phrase this without sounding rly evil#i think obv ppl can spend their money however they want but like. its kind of hard 4 me to grasp sometimes like. there r things that ppl#spend a lot of money on bc it makes them happy like umm. vacations or pets or hobbies or whathaveyou. and obviously thats fine but#i iust feel like its all so. temporary and like. idk. idt im ohrasing this right at all i just likee. the thought of working all year to#afford to take a vacation and then working again to afford another vacation just makes me feel like i want to die. like. idk... i like#vacations we dont need to go on them a lot but ig its just like. everything we do just feels like a waste of time. not in like a Ohh you#should be doing more work Obviously its just like. idk. maybe it is just me. but i feel like im just waiting until i die and can be done#with it i guess. and everything i do is just to fill time until that happens. yk ? which is silly bc of my whole. Thing i cant talk abt#but ppl talk abt like. going out and partying or going on vacation or whatever and i like. I like those things its nice when they happen#but they dont rly make me longterm any happier i guess. everything just feels like another thing im doing. idk. this rly isnt coming out the#way it is in my head. and Again i know this is just depression shit or whatever im just like. its all exhausting. it just makes me feel so#tired. to think abt working and working and working so i can pay to be alive and i can save to do one fun thing every so often to keep me#sane enough to keep working and working and working and i probably wont ever be able to retire itll just be. work. and then ill die. yk.#but i feel like the vacations and stuff dont like. refresh me very much. maybe its just bc ive only been on one 'vacation' as an adult and#it was just like. coming home to see my family. and realizing id have to move back home yk..#+ like. my mom nd my gran taking me out for a weekend when i lived up there#nd those things were nice and all but once its over its like. it doesnt fuel me to keep going it doesnt make me feel any better abt having#to work for the rest of my life#ik im being ridiculous bc im literally unemployed and i cant even get up off my ass to get my stupid fucking ged so i can get a job and be#Useful to my family its just like. idk.... i try so hard to be like Oh nothing mayters and thats why everything matters type thing like. Yes#all things end and the point is to just try to be happy until it does#but i feel like it just doesnt happen for me. i feel like any happiness i feel is so insanely like. it happens and then its gone. and its#back to just. the knowledge that im still fucking stuck here. and i will be until it happens. yk. i play video games tomoass the time until#i go back to sleep then i wake up and i make a spreadsheet to pass the time until i go back to sleep#and everyday just feels like passing the time until i go back to sleep and itll just keep going until it happens. and its nice to have nice#days but whats like. the point. yk. everything just ends#IDK. this is all very whiny im sry. ive just been feeling it a lot lately . i hope this doesnt feel like me being like Ohhh you ppl r so#dumb participating in hobbies and going out and having fun dont you know yr gonna DIE? thats not what im trying to be like#its just like. i feel like it doesnt make me as happy as it does other ppl like. none of it refreshes me or makes me want to keep going
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