#and idk i feel like most of the couples we know (not all but most) don't have the kind of happiness my parents have
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Thoughts on latest HB ep "Ghostf**kers" (*now that I've regained a bit more energy post-Halloween weekend lol*):
So the newest ep of HB has came & went from what I've seen- aaaand naturally feels like the best time for me to finally ramble about it now that its settled in my brain some more .3. Thoughts (+Spoilers) below~ NOTE: Most of this -does- get a lil rant-y below sooo... read at your own risk lol .w.;;
First things out of the way to start things off on a good note, the Pros:
To start off with... FINALLY we got some Millie focus for a major episode plot (-or more specifically, focus that doesn't get revolved back to Moxxie somehow lol)😭👏👏. Even if she still lowkey had to share the spotlight with Blitz, their friendship actually felt pretty sweet & compelling the more I watched them (esp their backstory & how Millie was allowed to stand up for herself + while also acknowledging the good in Blitz, once they talked things out 🥺👏). Which ngl, after these previous episodes reigning down HARD on this dude... idk, just felt refreshingly wholesome to see for this series, yknow?😊
New villain Rolando was pretty cool, and surprisingly spooky to watch as the second-half went on oml- .o.;; While I'm still a teensy bit confused how his powers/demon lore work (at least to what we already know about Hell limitations crossing to the human world, ex. succubi & their crystals), his underwater monster vibe gave some fun visuals to watch up until the climax. I'm not 100% familiar with John Waters' works, but damnnn he should take up voice-acting more often ngl~ 👀
FINALLY MAMA TILLA MAKES AN (on-screen) APPEARANCE 😭😭Her whole vibe & Blitz's clear love and regret over what happened to her... hhhhh my whole heart ;n; 💔
That pink client lady (Rita, I think her name is?) who assigned the hotel mission? I dig her vibe, its cute~ :3
I.M.P. feeling like a legitimate workplace family for once, with even Loona & Moxxie getting a nice lil moment towards the end?? More. Of this. Please. 👌👌
Even with the lil undertones of the Stol*itz drama from the past couple eps, I very much appreciate Blitz (+the show itself) acknowledging that what's been going is NOT a breakup ('cause... yknow, they never actually dated to begin with lol🤷♀️). It may not 100% fix how messy that particular narrative's been handled as of late (which I'll get to in a sec-), but eh... its a start in the right direction, I guess? .3.
Enjoyed all the colorful flashback looks given, never would I have thought I needed mercenary!Millie with a fluffy ponytail til nowww hlkjlk😩❤️
Aaaand as for the not-so-good bits (imo), aka the Cons:
Pacing felt kiiiinda all-over-the-place, I'll admit; like one min we're wasting a good chunk on Blitz's whining fest at the start (+some other pointless banter at the hotel), then the next it feels like we're breezing past Rolando's presence as the "big bad" by the end. Which... I guess I shouldn't be too harsh on given the production drama behind-the-scenes (aka: the leaked content that had to be cut & redone awhile back)... buuuut yeah, its just one of those things you can't help but notice either way 🤷♀️
Humor-wise wasn't... exactly at its strong point here, mainly just a lil overdone in the sex joke department imo though I guess thats also a bit par-for-the-course in a series like Hellaverse ngl- lol
Now, idk if this may be an unpopular opinion or not; but was I the only one who felt like Blitz's month-long mope fest over Stolas pretty... OOC, all things considered? .-. Like, okay its one thing for Blitz to still be understandably upset over how the last two eps went down (but being the "boss" he is, continues working anyway to keep I.M.P. afloat, as seen in the HB shorts)... but for Blitz of all people to just randomly use ALL his company's funds on useless junk, force his daughter Loona to stay up all night/not go home, drive Moxxie in a panic from all the budgeting issues this past month was just... wut- 🤦♀️ ...Mind you, this is meant to be the SAME Blitz who not even a few episodes ago begged Stolas to not take away the Grimoire (aka the key to his + his employee's livelihood), clearly being willing to do anything to not lose all he holds dear. You seriously expect me to believe he'd be the type to throw that all away (for a WHOLE month) to whine over some blue-blooded bird not noticing him? ...Yeaaaaah sorry, but I'm gonna have to call bs on that, chief 🙄
Kiiiinda tying in the last point, but as much as I enjoyed the tense thills gained from the "Rolando enters Blitz' mind to make him see his own flaws/past mistakes" sequence... I do have a few issues with some of these other "flashbacks" added to the mix: 1) Loona's groin kick towards Blitz in "Seeing Stars" (*wasn't Blitz's fault since ALL he did was tell her to be nice to clients... and was right about to apologize to Loona just seconds before the kick 😒*) 2) Blitz pushing Stolas' hand away in "Ozzies" (*which Blitz only did after Stolas hide his face away/didn't defend Blitz during the song*) 3) Stolas' hurt face at the end van scene of "Ozzie's" (*mind you, taking place while Blitz is rightfully standing up for himself/telling off Stolas for being a privileged creep all of S1*) 4) Stolas trying to present the Asmodean Crystal gift in "Full Moon" (*a whoooole mess in of itself I already covered prior-*) 5) Stolas angrily walking away from their pool fight + trash-talking Blitz in the "Motherf**kers" song + drunk whining + making out with a whole other dude in front of Blitz (*again, a huge mess I covered prior but TL;DR... most of that WASN'T fully-Blitz's fault in those instances??😑*)
Like... I dunno man, I don't mean to sound like I'm just ragging on Stolas per-episode as of late... but these last few points just keep giving me mixed signals than any genuine "hope" for him & Blitz to work out romantically tbh😔. For any canon couple in fiction, I WANT to see reasons for why they work best together, what kind of interests/aspects they've got in-common, what special "spark" is there that helps them stand out above all the other dynamics out there... but from what I see so far on Blitz's end, it honestly feels more like he's only gained these "feelings" for Stolas out of guilt... not because he actually wants him for him, y'know? :/ Which... ngl, sounds like a really sad precedent to send for a main-endgame couple, imho... 🤷♀️
-------
Soooo yeah, all that rant-y rambling aside... not a bad ep in the grand scheme of things! 👍👍Here's hoping the last few remaining eps (+possible shorts) for S2 keeps up the good work! 🙏
#helluva boss#hellaverse#helluva boss opinions#helluva boss review#helluva boss spoilers#helluva boss critical#(*this ain't meant to be a full-on critical blog btw- but for this review in-partular... yeaah it may be best to just mark it as such lol*#(*I -did- still enjoy the ep nonetheless btw so don't be too mad pls TwT*)
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
Really awful that this even needs to be a thought in my head at all but I’m dreading that if Liam Payne’s death is indeed a suicide, people will make it about ‘cancel culture’ and ‘mob mentality’ and whatever the fuck and dismiss and harass his ex and the women who’ve spoken out about his behaviour recently. Make no mistake regardless this death is shocking and tragic, but the internet is allergic to nuance, feel like its gonna get pissed away, all the allegations made ‘nought’ or excessive or all equates to harassment and bullying. It’s gonna become a talking point about fucking ‘wokeness’. Any victims who’ve stepped forward, they’re gonna hear ‘Didn’t you get your wish? You killed a man’. Jesus Christ.
#dreading it dreading it dreading it#liam payne#// death mention#// death#// suicide mention#// suicide#// victim blaming#catastrophising#I do worry this sounds unsympathetic#and having this be the main thing that comes to mind to me feels pretty wretched#but man it’s like Alec Holowka all over again I do not trust what the internet landscape is gonna be in the coming days#on a personal note#thinking of my friends from year 5#my whole class went to a music studio for a friends 9th or 10th birthday party and she was a directioner so we took it in turns in groups#singing what makes you beautiful into the mic of a recording booth#and a few weeks later I had a science homework about what the airs made out of and did an extension#where I wrote a parody song ‘you don’t know what you’re breathing’ and it was peak and I still remember some of the lyrics#I think a good couple of the girls liked liam the most iirc#idk if this bothers them much since this was a younger group of fans so different experience#but I hope they’re not too shaken#fuck.#anecdote#ty if you read these tags#vent post#// real person death
12 notes
·
View notes
Note
Ive seenyou mention wuxia a few times now and i wonder what that is. Would you mind explaining it to me?
not the most qualified person to explain this as i'm not, in fact, from china; but i've read a couple of wuxia so here goes:
wuxia is a genre of fiction from china specifically, about martial artists in ancient china. i don't think a specific time period is like required? obviously some dynasties are more popular but idk how it goes in that front. it just has to be Not Today and probably Too Long Ago. like pre industral revolution i think. again idk if that's a requirement, but most i've seen are from around the same relative murky pre-electricity era.
xianxia is a subgenre of wuxia that's specifically more fantasy-like, and it's not just martial arts, but also spiritual powers and cultivation (which i have no fucking clue how to explain without two hours and three tangents other than chinese magic system. if you've ever heard of chi/qi as an energy, it appears there). so like- genshin is by all accounts a xianxia, it just doesn't use the more common specific xianxia terms like cultivation. some of those are very weird to translate and probably not common for the average non-wuxia reader, so it makes sense why they're going for alternatives.
chongyun and xingqiu and xianyun are very much straight out of a xianxia. xianyun's entire story quest was the closest genshin has gotten to a straight xianxia plot so far. i highly reccomend ashikai's video on unnecessary visions if you want more info on why genshin is a xianxia hahah
cyanide narwhal has some talk of some stuff from xianxia, but that's mostly because well- fucking liyue, that's how it works there. the whole light energy striking down someone who's getting powerful and giving them godhood if they survive the strike is, while not exactly like that, something that happens in some xianxia as well. like the way adepti work in general is just very xianxia. ashikai does a much better job explaining it than i do tbh but yeah
TL;DR: wuxia is chinese martial arts fiction in ancient china, and xianxia is a wuxia subgenre with more magic elements. also genshin is a xianxia
#i was going to recomend some xianxia if you're curious but like#genuinely don't know which one is a good starting point#like i'm tempted to say just dive headfirst into mdzs like most of us did but like#is mdzs the best place to start if you know nothing? unsure#genuinely#given how it's made to feel more lighthearted and formatted more like it's a fucking videogame#svsss might be a good launching pad#but tbf it's been a while since i read it#also it has unskippable sex scenes (i think??) so like- if you don't want to read that you're kind of out of luck there#not that mdzs doesn't have that either but they're not literally Plot Relevant. like the plot does not hinge on their horizontal tango#there's probably a good wuxia to start out there but i can't really remember right now#like mdzs is the easiest to recomend bc it's trial by fire and you're going to come out of the other end knowing like 80% of it all#plus it's not nearly as traumatizing as some of the other options#and it's so easily accessible it's almost funny#like take your pick: novel. live action. animation. audio drama. comic#it's fucking everywhere and the fandom is fucking huge so that's a giant plus#but that doesn't change the fact that idk if you can watch a couple episodes to get a feel for the wuxia genre. like would that work??#so i guess i'll leave that to everyone else to comment with any recomendations if they have a good one#for like an introductory work#or just decide mdzs is just the easiest point of entry. that can always be it. i mean we all made it anyway
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think it's about time that we acknowledge that, no, that character would Not change their name in a groupchat! especially not to that. and, no, that character would not change everyone else's names! especially not to that.
#my drafts are back up to almost 800 sooooo have this post i made a couple weeks ago!!!#it irks me SO MUCH#most people just use their names or nicknames😭#i'm sorry but i.ida would not make his name 'sonic' and j.irou/m.omo would not include 'lesbian' in their names even if they are#c.huuya would not make his name about his height (god we get it the short jokes are so annoying to me personally it just feels like#a way to infantilize him) and d.azai would not make his name about bandages and lord knows k.unikida is NOt changing his name at all#most people don't make their names their sexuality i just. don't understand why almost all chat fics include like. 'lesbian queen' which#like ig if it's someone using it to come out or for pride month that checks but most of the time the characters i see with their sexuality#in their name are characters tHAT WOULD NEVER DO THAT!!! at least use characters who would😭 like j.irou's too shy and m.omo is too reserved#and like sorry not sorry but d.enki and s.ero and m.ina are not going to just instantly change everyone's chat names - most people don't ge#into a chat and go 'imma change everyone's names' and like i could deal with it if they gave them names that made sense#bUT THEY DON'T!!! also so many anime chatfic writers give them american type names like reference american artists#it's just like. they prolly don't listen to as much american music as you think they do. japan has musicians too. like. they're not america#sorry i genuinely love the concept of chatfics and think they're a FANTASTIC way to analyze character and i even did a whole lesson on#characterization in texting last semester! it was really fun too like the kids enjoyed it! but like. most characters won't text the way you#do. and people just. always make them type the way they do. or use actual convos from griupchats but don't make it fit the characters#just. mmmmmmmmm.#idk why but gc fic names bother me So Much lol#AM DONE NOW SORRY GUYS#corey talks:)
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
i miss her…
#cant believe i forgot about her till the photobook q&a im so sorry witch mona~~~~~~~#press f for honeypre atelier gachas it was gone too soon™️#(currently e x t r e m e l y worried and stressed for tomorrow like never before b u t i have to appear like im fine sobs save me monachann)#(can i go on a stress-prompted tangent here about something inane? no? toooo bad im gonna go off anyway~~~~)#ok so. like. since witch mona is the image i have up ‘ere and since it’s still 七月… today’s tangent will be on irl spooky stories!!#s o. presenting a decently repressed memory from my childhood that resurfaced while i was hibernating at home:#anyways. well. thoughts about the afterlife can vary from person to person yes? there’s no one true correct belief after all#but the one question that unites us all is probably the one and only ‘are ghosts real?’#and well. for personal reasons i think so. i mean i’ve seen this one dude i hate get possessed a couple of times so welp. cant deny it ig.#wild story about that actually. back in the day my family’s finances were allegedly doing so badly that [dude i hate] had to pick up#a *c e r t a i n* side hustle for extra cash. that side hustle? literal grave digging at the cemetary. at night no less#and *ofc* he wasn’t respectful about it in the least so ofc some spirits followed him home. yay. free roommates.#one(?) of them even took residence in my room at the time and im 80% sure they ate my history textbook :( much sads#anyways well once that guy had too much to drink (which was rather often tbh) he’d get possessed. fun!#the only possession i ever saw was the n-rarity angry ghost who’d just huff and puff in silence with unfocused eyes most of the time#he’d occasionally put on a leather jacket too. but that was like a r-rarity event that didn’t happen that often#my mother had the chance to also witness the mosquito (who tried to barge into my room for fresh blood) and the 姑娘 (self-explanatory)#which is kinda unfair tbh. i wanted to see the ur-rarity ones too :( mostly bc it’d be funny to see a guy i hate act ooc (impure intentions)#oh right. how did we get the dude out of his possession? we just shook his arm really hard. prolly caused some lasting effects but who know#i think he could also just sleep off the possession but idk i was asleep for the ur-rarity incidents.#cant ask the one witness of it bc i dont want to bring back unnecessary flashbacks of [guy we hate]#anyways it’s been years since we moved out from that place and i still want my history textbook back. mostly for the principle of it but—#and so that’s the tangent of the day. i feel weirdly less stressed now thanks witch mona#i do wonder how my grandparents are faring on this 七月 though…#b u t !!!!! tomorrow’s date on the lunar calendar says it’s an auspicious day for wishful activity and starting a new job!!! so… maybe~~~~?#hauauauauauauauuauaaaaaa anyways insane tangent over stream mona’s new album ok bye#oops forgor to disable rbs i hate how easy it is to forget to use this function man
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
have not left bed today + found out another friend got locked up + want to beat up every single adult that saw what was happening to me and looked away or actively made it worse
#personal#vent#suicide mention tw#i need to call her. last time we talked she said she was going to kill herself if she got incarcerated again#i love her. nothing makes me more angry at so many systems than trying to do suicide support with my friends who are locked up#trying to do this shit over the phone with people listening in. trying to figure out what meaningful support we can even give#because when she says that death is better than months of solitary i know exactly how she feels and what she means and i cannot fucking#most of the skills mainstream peer support has ever taught me are useless in that situation and my best is not enough#there are so many places that need to be burnt down.#there are so many people i love who are not out and it starts to kill me a little bit#and cops are starting to fuck with us here more. i've gotten bruised up a couple times from being shoved around#nothing too bad yet but just#jesus christ#sorry for coming on here to vent all the time but my offline life is a little crazy at the moment and half this shit i can't talk about irl#i honestly think i need to like. start learning how to fight properly again. bc i have so much anger right now#and learning how to actually fight sounds like a better idea then fucking off and getting into random fights like i used to#idk. will look into it
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
Dee's the writer and director... stepping into the leader position she naturally gravitates towards... she's casting the roles. She cast wrong in dee day, but this will change.
She always wanted the lead role before, which got in-between mac and dennis, but if she steps back (behind the scenes), she won't be their buffer anymore and then...
I rewatched aluminum monster vs fatty magoo and noticed how bad mac is at being controlling and manipulative (he follows exactly what frank says, doing things that he's still trying to apply to this day, like announcing dennis' announcement), how dennis can only ever see himself as filling the role perfectly, and how dee naturally stages a strike and everyone listens to her.
I also rewatched gets held hostage and noticed how it heavily features frank's will and how his gun saves the day, both elements that are coming back in tandem in ep2 of s16... and hostage is a very interesting ep in analyzing the group dynamics and how they interact with each or betray each other. It's also like... its talk of stockholm syndrome, because due to dee's monologue I feel like "why are you doing this to me?" will be a theme, in s16. Because it's like... well ok, no only is it also in gets whacked p2, but it implies that you fell in love with the other person because they did something to you...
look, I'm being rambly (as usual), but what I'm saying is that I feel like s16 will pull a lot from s3 specifically... I guess we will see more clearly when it airs, but I wanted to put it out there. It's not just THAT season tho there's like, season 9 too. and 14.
#iasip#s16 spoilers#it's always sunny in philadelphia#always sunny#bro i dont know where i was going with this... im writing analysis posts like they're journal entries lmaoo#and also like forgive me for this lol but i feel like they're using liam and ryan to parallel macdennis a bunch but especially in hostage#i feel like theyre the data jumper refers to when it comes to like. having a gay couple on the show???? cuz like. well yk. it is what it is#and now they're in the bowling episode saying mixing things is strictly prohibited idk maybe im seeing things but mayb not anyways#yea um no comment. this isnt my most coherent post#i like the part abt how dee isnt gonna be between mac and dens' story anymore tho looking to be the lead bc shes STEPPING BACK from actress#to control it from behind the scenes like a director#which will leave mac and den without a third wheel..... damn. dee is the wildcard huh?#i really sincerely hope we have the whole gang scheming mac and dennis shit behind their backs in s16#like thats hilarious come on#and they all have different goals and methods in mind and dennis is like the lil lab rat unaware victim of it all#then the veil is pulled and BAM!!!! the gang broke dennis. it's genius
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ggrrr I wish disenchantment was better. I binged it all because I'm sick somebody talk to me about this.
#the groening show on netflix#it had so much potential#and i did enjoy it!!! plenty of the characters were awesome#but it tried to be too big. wanted to incorporate too much. i didn't like beans magic. it got really repetitive#it felt like a lot of the movement between “lands” was super unnecessary. and took up a lot of time that could have been used in narrative#development#and you know the most fucked up part is that there was a Canon wlw couple that was end game AND I DIDNT EVEN LIKE THEM TOGETHERRR#and the last seasons egregious hyperfocus on love specifically romantic love like#it was cringe im sorry!!! not great writing#im glad beans relationship w her dad got better but i didnt like how instantanious it felt#also obv. i hate the whole thing with prince derek and his pixie gf. ew. really weird#but there was so much good and it couldve been great#i still enjoyed it but it fell short in so many ways#HOW DO YOU HAVE A QUEER GIRL COUPLE THAT I DONT LIKE!!! ME!!! QUEER GIRL NUMBER 1!!!!!!#i like EVERY WLW SHIP#and mora x bean had potential but like#it seemed a lot of the time liek they didnt even really like eachother. they aggravated tf out of eachother and not in like a hehe gay ppl#who bicker type of way. it was very much lesbian couple written by straight man feeling. idk if thats true but its the vibe i got#to the end im sad elfo never really actionably got over his weird thing about bean. he just said he did#and him and miri/mop girl. ehhhhh#i like her but she should have had a more gradual introduction into the main cast because she really feels like an after thought#glad zog moved to the woods that seemed like the right move#bean kinda handing the kingdom off to the elves kinda felt like a cop out after thought#like she got all weird about this is their kingdom we stole it from them and then only rwally gave it up after she got something that she#wanted more#please let me remake this show!!!!!!!!#also steam land!!! i like the concept but the execution and the travellimg back and forth between the two#the biggest issue this show suffered with though was repetition.#animation was fun. i enjoyed the use of 3d especially in later seasons#a lot of the jokes were funny but a lot just fell short.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
they should make a life where you don't have appointments, work, school and scheduled events every single day for months on end
#i just wanna spend like 2 full days rotting in bed is that too much to ask#december i'm going on a vacation with family + gf and we're trying to schedule a lunch/dinner so that we can go over the itinerery#and other stuff like my gf is diabetic so she's going to tell everyone the procedures in case of an emergency etc#and the soonest i'm available for that is oct 20th like bruh#every week day i've got classes 7:30-11:50 work 13:00-17:00 and then gym therapy or futsal practice at night#oh and sometimes the professor that i'm the student assistant (? monitor in pt) for wants me to go to her night classes#and then on weekends i've got futsal practice sat morning usually a match either saturday or sunday legal advice clinic 4x a semester#and then birthdays friend group meetups (with ppl i haven't properly seen in a WHILE so i don't wanna bail) family stuff or gf's family stu#oh and i take care of the finances of our futsal team so there's that as well#and then when i'm free i spend my time with my love (who i mostly see on either day of the weekend and sometimes for dinner on weekdays)#those are my favorite “appointments” i love spending time with her so much but even though we have quite a few staying in dates we also#pretty frequently go out to cafes restaurants parks meet up with mutual friends etc#so like... no bed rotting ever adfdsal#honestly i am not THAT busy compared to some ppl that i know#like i work from home most days of the week commute only 20 min to college am not a part of any study group etc etc#but man... that vyvense sure is working cause i do not think i would be able to do what i do now when my adhd was unmedicated#also i'm thinking of maybe getting a new internship next year cause even though i love my current one it's in public law which atm#is the field i'm thinking of getting into after school but getting into private law in brazil with only public law uni experience is#incredibly difficult. so i wanna be 100% sure i actually want public law. which means experiencing private law.#which means a private law internship#so i'm wondering how the fuck imma be able to pull that off next year#at least it pays much more than my current one! like probably double!#but honestly even with all the shit that i do and wishing i had more time for myself i've actually been so happy lately#i'm learning more at uni than i used to be able to i do pretty well at my internship i've got wonderful friends both old and new#my family is well and we get along like always i switched positions in futsal and am doing suprisingly good as a goalkeeper#and i'm in my first ever relationship. it's been almost 8 months till we made it official and it blows me away how good it's been#like we haven't faught once. disagreed on a couple things sure. but not a single fight and tbh even disagreements are very rare#idk we communicate and give each other grace and i just feel so loved. she knows me so well. i love her so so so so much.#like man just this saturday we were having an early dinner at a bakery. she stopped what she was saying and just stared at me smiling#and like i couldn't hold eye contact. cause she's so so fucking beautiful and she was looking at me with so much love and i had to look awa
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
🩷
#don't think that i take for granted the fact that i was born into the happiest marriage/family in our entire extended clan#this family (on both sides) is rife with divorce and rebellious children and couples that have lost their spark and always seem sad#and sure my parents bicker on occasion and have teir frustrations like any couple#but they're in love! still! after 28 years!!! they're each other's best friends#and the three of us get along so wonderfully and we're always laughing together there is LOVE in this household#but that's just so vanishingly rare it feels like#none of my friends are this close to their parents#and idk i feel like most of the couples we know (not all but most) don't have the kind of happiness my parents have#so i'm in between having a huge appreciation for where i am in life#and fear that i'll never find something like that myself#like sometimes i just think too deeply about it and it feels so difficult so impossible#“this happens once every few lifetimes”#but then i think i'm just being paranoid and actually we DO know lots of very happy enduring couples#that CAN be me#but in a way it's just all a game of chance isn't it#no doubt someone out there would be a good fit for me but what if i never meet him#what if we just. miss each other#there's such a fine line between finding true love and eternal solitude#it can be anything a messed up coffee order a dinner you get invited to a job offer you accept#but you never know what it'll be!!!! and that's so scary!!!!!!!!!#okay i think i'm just making myself feel worse so i'll stop here and go to bed#but just. yea. food for thought on this night of my parents' anniversary#elly's posts
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
every day i see people talking about things that I simply do not understand no matter how much I look into it and think about it and try to figure it out. i cannot tell if it's brainfog and fatigue or if I'm just ,,,, incapable of being intelligent enough for it all :[
#i sure do feel like a fucking idiot lately!#I wish I wasn't (weren't?) aware of how stupid i am but unfortunately i am acutely aware of it and I can't seem to do anything about it#like... why am i unable to comprehend things. why can't i figure it out if I go learn about it. why does it just not Click for me.#becoming increasingly aware of just how little i know and how naive i am and i have to say ... its frightening me fhfkdl#i feel like i am going to be fucking mauled if i say anything ever or if i try to participate in any conversations of worth#so I've just been staying quiet constantly. but then I just feel disconnected from everything and everyone#because i never participate! i just stand in the bg and listen and watch!!#but what's driving me crazy is i dont even seem to be learning in any significant way!! even though im just listening all the time!!#why can't i make any progress in understanding shit 😭 why is it all still just as out of reach as when i started !!#i really feel like there is something very wrong with my brain but idk what to do about it dhfjdkl#I've been isolating a lot more than usual the past couple months because i just feel so useless and stupid compared to everyone else#but then i talk to ppl irl and i feel like I'm operating on a higher level of social awareness than most ppl#which then makes me feel bad bc i worry im somehow thinking im better than other ppl but its not that fhdkdl#i just get tired of like... guiding the conversation for ppl and smoothing over social potholes#like im always the one driving the conversational vehicle. and if i stop driving then we crash. idk if this makes sense#but then online im always the one who is one step behind everyone else and making blunders#so ... I don't know what to do anymore fhfjdkl i think smth has gotten very broken in my brain and idk what it is or how to fix it#UHMM ANYWAYS. this is ... a rant and a half. oops.#im the worlds most average joe cool though 👍 nothing to worry about or see here! (<- sarcasm i think)#this is one of my worst vents of all time actually fbfjdkl this one is just a real stinker#just kind of incomprehensible and way too self-pitying methinks. oh well! I'll delete it if i think better of it later dbfjdkl#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I don't remember why but I dreamed about looking up the common religions in different regions of Thailand last night
#in addition to like. more regular dreams where someone kidnapped part of our camping/hiking group and I needed to use my knowledge of#dog/wolf behavior to appease a wolf that we needed to pass by to get between two forest clearings and also since my character was a#clean-freak / germaphobe he had the power to have bugs not bother him in the woods and then that all happened twice because ofc we needed to#keep to the story script when it restarted and I had to keep everything on the rails but this time two other wolves also came up and they#all decided I was chill and we left each other alone even while I was de-escalating the kidnapping situation but then the kidnappers started#running away and I was like 'you know what would make them think again? three wolves chasing them' so I got the wolves' attention and#started running and they thought it was some kind of chase game and eventually after a couple times of them catching up with me and thinking#that was it they realized someone ahead of us was also running so THEY were the target and we finally started chasing down the kidnappers#and by this point I was considered part of the pack and also we were in a school gymnasium but right after some sort of fair or assembly so#we had to dodge chairs and tables and stacks of equipment and occasionally children but they mostly kept out of the way#oh and I think after the reset but before the kidnapping there was also a part where one of the other characters (I feel like one of my#siblings was playing this one) insisted that our top priority should be finding clothes and I was like 'wait are you NAKED?' and they were#like 'yeah we all are???' and I was like 'WHAT no I'm fully dressed. my character is wearing a suit and tie! and a hat even!' yeah yeah and#then the kidnappers/bullies came up and one of them was a blond lady with a bolo tie.#btw the reason I'm saying stuff like 'my character'/'was playing a character' is because in this dream it was explicitly characters we were#playing in some sort of game where the focus wasn't roleplay but it had a roleplay-y aspect where the different characters had different#strengths and abilities; such as Betrayal at House on the Hill or Western Legends or Dead of Winter#anyway. IDK why dream-me thought thailand was one of the most religiously diverse places on earth. in real life it's over 90% buddhist.#ThornShadow.said
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
posting in ehre bc my friends are prob tired of me yapping about this on tt but i cant wait to get a neurologist appointment and got exams done bc im sure i have narcolepsy and have been for a couple years now yet im so so afraid of going bc what if i do have it. and worse. what if i dont have it and all my struggles actually have no explanation other than me being lazy and weak lmao i cant stop thinking about it im so anxious over this
#this is the year we get diagnosis DONE#but fr im so much more interedted in getting this sleep shit checked out#than i am on confirmingg my autism#bc at this point like. theres no way im not on thr spectrum lmao#like if my autism avaliation comes out negative it will be shocking to me#but i'll live ive spent 20 years thinking im just a freaky creature before i found out it could be autism so it eont weight as much ig#but the narcolepsy slash hypersomnia shit..that fucking bothers me.sm#it explains everything ive been having since i was about 13 lmao the peak was the last years of high school#and then living alone in college and getting sleep apralysis every day i got to the point i wouldnt even br frightned anymore#i still have it about like ojce every two weeks now but nowadays what bothers me most#is feeling my muscles go numb when im walking home from college bc i want to sleep#and having hallucinations when im waking up or falling asleep although im also used to these so they dont scare me bc i know im hallucinatin#yk..#but yea the sleeping all day everyday fucking sucks#even when im having fun lol there are couple of videos of me playing the guitar for fun and just sleeping in the kiddle of it#also . when i got put on wellbutrin i had multippe convulsions#that tookme to the er and i dont remember a thing from that week so idk if it made some damage#bc they didnt make any exams at the hospital#they literally said i had overdose although i took the right dose#then injected some muscle relaxant w me#that made me convulse and go unconscious again#and then got me stable and sent me home like Yeah that happened idk just sleep it off#and i have migraines since i was 12 so liek#i hope the neurologist i get sent to takes me.serious#i feel like there is something going on yk#anywayssss#personal#narcolepsy#idk if theres a commujity here on the tags but lmk i feel all alone on this
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
today was exhausting - my friend was here for about 7 hours and I just. oh man I love her and all but it's just a lot sometimes. it's probably for the best that we only meet up like 2-4 times a year now (gives me enough time to forget how draining it is so I look forward to it, and recover afterwards)
I don't talk to anyone but my husband most days, and he doesn't really talk. so that's maybe 15 minutes total of talking. and today it was literally. 7 hours. no breaks except when we were eating (but no even then someone was always talking).
first of all ouch, it hurts (my voice is very hoarse now). and also. it's so so so draining. like. we really have nothing in common at this point. but she's my oldest friend and I do love her so it's tolerable... but just barely. these days there's way too much diet/food/weight loss talk, and also she seems to be getting into alternative medicine which I cannot fucking stand (it's one topic where I can't pretend or be nice about it either). lots and lots of very preachy vegan stuff too (I don't have any problems with it, I admire people who can do it, but fuck dude you know I eat meat and that I've said many times that I *can't* go vegan (I would starve. there's not enough foods that would be left. seriously.) and it feels pretty shitty to keep going on about it every damn time. I'm not sitting there trying to convince her that she should really be an atheist or something, because I know what her thoughts are about that and I respect it.
when she hangs out with her other friends a lot it's mostly just talking about all the issues that come from that (they fucking suck). I don't know, it kind of feels like I'm her therapist. when I talk about something I'm interested in she doesn't ask many questions and it kind of sucks. like, dude I don't care about your plants either, but I'm interested because you care, so. maybe try that too. would be nice!
#like I know alllll about her other friends and their shitty behaviour#and just. it's exhausting#it's also exhausting telling her over and over again that she is too nice. yes being nice is good and all but she lets people walk all over#her and afterwards she goes 'oh well I guess it was probably just because [they had a bad day/other thing that happened/I said the wrong#thing]'. I do that too! but it's just EVERYTHING. always. even when someone is CLEARLY being shitty to her. like her shitty friends. she#will still excuse their behaviour#it just makes me sad man.#buuut#like come on maybe let me talk about my stupid tv show for 5 minutes and try to seem a little interested? I know it's irrelevant I know no#one cares but damn you really can't pretend?? I've mentioned it before a couple times on the phone and she's always just vaguely like 'ah#that sounds interesting' WHEN I HAVEN'T EVEN SAID ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT IT'S ABOUT. but she doesn't ask what it's about so. I just stop#talking about it and we change topics.#like. yeah I know it's a bit weird that I'm in my 30s and that is one of the most important things in my life rn but. that's how I am. it's#always been that way. and my other friends care (or at least pretend to because they care about *me*)#so it feels pretty shitty!#like if I can look at 15 pictures of how big her fucking plants and herbs are getting. idk maybe ask one question about my show.#or like. even things like our new apartment and stuff. she listened and everything. but it's just. there's no interest there really. just#live 'oh that's nice :)' and we move on to the next topic again#idk man it makes me a bit sad (and I know it's ironic because I say she needs to acknowledge that people don't treat her well but. I mean I#do know this isn't great. and I limit my communication with her to a level that doesn't feel too exhausting. so. idk I feel like it's#different or whatever. buut really I just don't have many friends and I get lonely and it's better to listen to someone talk about#themselves all the time than not talking at all)#okay I'm gonna shut up now#and anyway I'm just exhausted and it's all very fresh rn and I'm incredibly tired so I'm very grumpy. usually it's really not that bad.#I just needed to vent I guess#okay bye and goodnight and I will stop talking now I swear#personal
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
2024 reads / storygraph
A Tale of Seashells & Shenanigans
YA fantasy
follows a grumpy 19yo who works in the fantasy thriftstore
when a girl tells them she accidentally donated her selkie sealskin on their watch, they have to go on a quest with her across the sea to the other store the donations were sent to against their will
but things quickly go wrong and they get stranded on a desert island, and they have to survive by busking, and hitchhike with some pirates to make their way there, and their frustration eventually grows into attachment
nonbinary ace disabled (cane user) MC, aroace ‘love interest’, QPR-ish
#A Tale of Seashells & Shenanigans#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#Hm.. I like the idea of this but it was a bit all over the place and I feel like the relationship development wasn’t great#the MC spends most of the book being pretty horrible to a very timid well-meaning autistic girl who isn’t mean back.#(like mutual antagonism can feel more even yknow?) Like yes this is the focus of their character development - we know why they’re like thi#the fact that they’re mean to her is very much addressed; they apologise eventually; the author is autistic and making intentional choices.#but......they apologise but then are mean again over & over. it keeps happening and it’s just not fun to read when it’s 80% of the book?#them being nice to her is a way smaller part and I just don’t really buy the love at the end.#I think the author’s strength is definitely in real world settings where it can just focus on the characters#- I feel like this kind of silly anachronistic fantasy world needs to be leaned into a bit more?#I also felt like Tillie was quite self hating (or: only focusing on the negatives) about being autistic and aroace with the MC there to tel#her that no it's ok! Of course that’s a realistic experience but I find when it’s so succinct like that it feels really….reductive; idk.#pet peeve i keep running into#I did kinda enjoy the detail of ‘I’m ace siren’s won’t effect me’ *immediately flings self overboard after hearing them* lmao#but yeah I feel like some sections of this could have been cut out and a couple things expanded on and I might have enjoyed it more
1 note
·
View note
Text
man. should rlly start bringing my sketchbook to work
#ramblies#its raining and we work outdoors so ive just been sitting here on my phone for an hour#I JUST WANNA CREATE STUFF#idk WHAT happened (i do know. college happened) but ever since working full time i just itch to create shit all day. ive been having my#best ideas. i get home from a 9 hour day make myself dinner and inmediately draw most days#like its just. an itch. that needs to be scratched. its whatever the opposite of that burnout i used to have wss#like i JUST WANT TO CREATE FREELY. i just want to LEARN. but i have less time now!#im so excited to do the cool shit i have planned for portfolio and open up my shop and revsmp my commissiok website#jm gonna learn so much and get so good and make the BEST fuckjng portfolio snd make so much money#my girlboss era. to be fucking honest.#ive been insanely busy ive barely touched video games in a couple months. im always jsut… doing shit and being alive#for the first time ever! im so tired! but like. its good#like im saving money and im loving creating things and im making such good memories with my friends#we can do someyhing so simple like. go to the park. and its so nice i make core memories bc we just do stupid shit. its magical. its magica#life is so fucking tiring and overwhelming but for the first time i rlly feel like im living and i havent even gotten my own place yet or#anything like that. like ooggh this is the connection i was missing out on#having mixed feelings abt my ‘stay inside and be a gamer’ era bc no doubt that time has fuelled my drive to work like an ox now (i have#something to prove- i light a fire under my own ass) but also i couldve been having these experiences sooner#but not with the same people im with now. so thats okay#i digress. anyways i wanna draw LMFAO#IM GONNA MAKE MONSTER HUNTER STICKERS its gonna be so rad
2 notes
·
View notes