#and i've lowkey been spiraling since then

[itmightneverbetherighttime]

...

[glacier-shrimp]

Done with our favorite Spider-Boy! Spiderling? Spider... What was his name again?

Avengers paper cutout 6/?

[cass-cc]

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[changbunnies]

Lowkey, I Need You (To Move Out) 18+

♡ Pairing: Changbin x Fem!Reader

♡ Genre: friends with benefits, friends to lovers, roommates to lovers, angst, fluff, smut with plot, mutual pining but especially lots of pining from binnie

♡ Word Count: 12k

♡ Summary: Changbin has a problem– he’s in love with his friend with benefits. And not only is he in love with her, but she’s also his roommate. Torn on what to do, the only thing he knows for certain is that something has to change soon– but is he even brave enough to spark that change, and risk their friendship?

♡ Warnings: miscommunication, but it's resolved quickly!, bin is lil insecure but we're here to make it better !!, gets a bit emotional because truly this is a love letter to changbin and how much i adore him

♡ Smut Warnings: multiple smut scenes, switch!bin with a heavy sub lean, as usual changbin is an extremely soft and perfect lover, pet names (baby, bun, bunny, honey, sweet + good boy), oral (m + f rec), fingering (f rec), nipple play, begging, a tiny bit of edging, spit as lube, cock warming, unprotected piv, creampie, praise kink, body worship, face sitting

♡ Notes: this was written in response to the topic of binnie being excluded, because as a bin biased girlie it's my job to show out for him when he needs the extra love! i've been wanting to write a fwb for SO long and in true changbunnies fashion this turned out longer than i intended it to be but i just had so much fun writing it and giving binnie the attention he deserves, so i hope you enjoy it too !!

♡ Disclaimer: please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people.

What do you do when you realize you've fallen in love with your friend with benefits? And what do you do when said friend is also your roommate? The conclusion that Changbin has reached is simple: spiral.

Well, not that spiraling is an actual choice in this scenario– he can't stop it from happening despite how desperately he wants to. He knows you aren't looking for a relationship right now, that you like what you have together because it's casual and fun.

You swore off dating apps and relationships after having your heart broken one too many times, and the only reason you're friends with benefits with Changbin is because you trust him– a trust that he is loath to break by dropping the revelation that he's fallen in love with you.

You were away from your shared apartment for the past week and a half, on a trip back to your home town to visit family. It was exhausting, but fun enough when your parents weren't driving you up the wall by pestering you with questions about when you're going to start bringing a boyfriend back home with you, you told Changbin on the phone last night whilst packing to come back to the city.

He hated the way his heart sank to the pit of his stomach when he considered the fact that he'll never be the boyfriend going home with you to meet your family. And he wants to be, fucking hell, does he want to be yours.

He wants to tell you he loves you and have it mean something more than the platonic love between friends, to take you on dates and freely hold your hand when walking through the city streets together, to share a bed with you for more than just a fuck.

How many times has he wanted to pull you back to him when you start to get up from his bed? To reach out and beg you to stay when you start to get dressed? To knock on your door late at night and lay everything out on the line because the way it keeps him up at night is becoming unbearable?

Fuck, he can't keep dwelling on it– you've been on your way home since this morning, and you're due back any minute now. It'll be disastrous for Changbin if you walk through the door and realize something's off with him.

His heart twisted when he checked his phone and saw a new text, one excitedly telling him you're almost home and that you've missed him– but was it really him you missed, or just fucking him? He didn't know anymore, and he was afraid to find out.

Changbin jumps when he hears the lock to the front door click, taking a breath to calm his racing heart as he rises to his feet to help you with your luggage and welcome you back home. 

He’s spent enough time spiraling over what to do this past week, he can’t afford to anymore; not if he wants to keep his sanity intact, anyways. He can do this– once you get settled, he can have a heart to heart with you, and everything will be fine. Even if it’s too much to confess his feelings, surely there’s a way to go about things where you’re both still happy, right?

Changbin did a lot around the apartment to make it perfect for you upon your return– cleaned and dusted every common room until they were spotless, made sure not a single dirty dish was left in the sink, emptied every trash can.. He even unclogged the drains and scrubbed the tub! He just wanted to make sure you didn’t have a single thing to do, that you could just relax and unwind in clean comfort after your trip. 

But you don’t spare a single glance around the apartment once you enter– you look just at him, smiling as you kick the door closed behind you, and drop your luggage to the floor to squeeze him into a hug. 

He blinks a moment in surprise at how quick the action is– he didn’t even have the chance to get a word out before you were on him. Still, he quickly returns the hug while trying his best to prevent the happy, almost relieved sigh you let out as you bury your head into his chest from giving him false hope.

“You really missed me this much?” Changbin asks with a small giggle– why is he even asking? So much for not giving himself false hope. He just blurted it out without thinking, really; but he can’t pretend the way you affirm it doesn’t make his heart swell. 

It was the longest you’d ever been apart from Changbin since moving in together, and it put a lot of things into perspective. Like, you really did miss him, of course you did, he’s your friend! But there was something more– you don’t think you’d ever missed someone so fucking badly before. 

Like, staying up all night because you can’t stop thinking about him type of ‘I miss you.’ Wanting to text him or call him at all hours of the day just to check up on him and ask what he’s been up to even though you’re supposed to be focusing on your family and reuniting with childhood friends.

You missed everything about him– his smile and cute laugh, the way he smells, his big arms wrapped around you and squeezing you close. You wanted to hear his voice again, and not through the grainy speaker of your phone, wanted to see him without your parent’s shitty old wifi connection lagging your call, and making him pixelated and blurry.

Changbin is your home, you realized; wherever he is is where you want to be. As long as he’s there, you’d have everything you need to be happy. Is that too sentimental of a feeling for just friends?

Yes, you know it is– and every time you felt it for him before, you shoved it down as deep you could, not ready to get your heart broken again just yet. Better to hold onto him for as long as you can, before he cuts things off to start dating again.

But of course, you can’t deny you also missed him in other, less than innocent ways. The squeak he lets out when you surprise him with a kiss, the cute way he blushes and giggles when you compliment him or call him his favorite pet name, the way he’ll easily drop to his knees for you the moment you tell him you need him. 

He never cares what he’s in the middle of or what he needs to get done– if you tell him you want him, he’s ready for you, eager to please. Even if he loses sleep, if it makes him late for work, if it means the food on the stove is going to burn– none of it matters if you need his tongue on you. And you’ll reward him, you always do; with sweet words and touches that makes his heart feel like it’s going to beat out of his chest while his cock throbs.

“Missed you more than you know,” you say in a near whisper, pressing your lips to his like you’ve been eager to do since walking through the door. Changbin practically melts when you kiss him, as always; he just can’t help it– he’s forever going to be putty in your hands. 

Was he right in his fear that you only missed him for the sex? Maybe, but he can’t even dwell on the idea anymore– not when the urgency in which you start touching him underneath his shirt while sliding your tongue in his mouth makes him weak at the knees.

Fuck it, maybe that is all you want him for these days, but he’d never stop giving you what you want. Use him over and over, run his heart into the ground when it’s done, what does it matter? At least in this moment he’s yours, even if it’s only temporary. 

You grab Changbin by the waist and turn him around, pressing his back against the front door to the apartment. One of his feet very nearly gets caught up on your luggage on one of his steps back, but you kick it to the side, away from the two of you. His sound of surprise is muffled by your mouth on his, as is his gasp when your hands travel up to squeeze his pecs.

You can feel his body shudder when your thumbs brush over his nipples, letting out a whine when you pinch them between your fingers. He’s breathless by the time you pull away, watching you with that eager look in his eyes that makes you crazy for him. “B-Baby, what are you-” he tries to ask as you fall to your knees, though the last word dies in his throat when you look back up at him with a smile. 

He still remembers the first time he slipped up and called you “baby.” You were on top of him, riding him so good that all he could do was babble on and on about how good it felt while gripping the bed sheets beneath him. “S-So good, oh my god, baby, it’s– you’re so good, feels so good,” he whimpered, whining loudly when you stopped moving to just look at him.

Changbin was going to ask why you stopped, beg you to please, please keep going, but then it hit him all at once– he called you ‘baby’ when it was never something either of you had done before. And instantly, he looked up at you utterly mortified with himself, ready to apologize over and over again for crossing the line in your friends with benefits relationship.

While the arrangement didn’t come with strict rules, such as no kissing for example, he still was concerned that it was a touch too far in the ‘romantic relationship’ direction. But to his surprise, and relief, you smiled at him, calling him sweet names in return after picking your pace back up. You continued to try out names, gauging his reaction carefully until you found the one that seemed to make him react the most.

And now here you are, looking up at him with his cock pulled out of his sweatpants and throbbing in your hands, calling him the name that turns his brain and body to jelly. “Want to show you how badly I missed you, bunny,” you told him before pressing a lingering kiss to his already leaking tip, his pre-cum smearing over your lips.

Thank fucking God you pressed him against the door, because if he didn’t have the support he’s pretty sure his legs would’ve given out. It’s not often that you’re the one on your knees for him, and the sight is so erotic it makes his brain feel like it’s going to melt out of his ears– not to mention the way you’re talking to him on top of it.

“So hard and leaky already,” you comment gleefully, sticking out your tongue to lick over his tip, “you missed me too, didn’t you, bun?” 

“Y-Yeah, missed you, I missed you so much,” Changbin replies breathlessly, struggling to keep his hips still and not rut against your hands. He bites his lip, restraining the whimpers that threaten to endlessly spill when you open your mouth to take him in.

You don’t waste any time getting the corners of your mouth used to the stretch, or for Changbin to get used to the feeling after having gone without it for so long; you take him all at once, until his tip is touching the back of your throat and your nose is pressed against his pelvis. 

His head falls back against the door as he squeezes his eyes shut, slapping his hand over his mouth to muffle the obscenely loud moan you draw out of him. Normally he pays no mind to his volume because he knows you prefer him loud, but he’d be beyond embarrassed if any neighbors walking the hall heard him just on the other side of the door. 

You swallow around his length, and it takes effort to not gag given how thick and heavy he is, but you manage just fine. Breathing through your nose, you stroke his cock with your tongue whenever you need to give your throat a tiny break, sometimes pulling back to take a bigger breath and let more air into your lungs before sucking him into your mouth again. 

Changbin cards his fingers through your hair, but doesn’t pull– just holds your head in an effort to ground himself. His thighs are trembling, and he’s seemingly given up on trying to be quiet, or is simply too far gone to care anymore, the hand he was using to cover his mouth now clenched into a fist at his side.

“W-Wait, wait, baby, please wait, don’t wanna cum yet,” he pleads as his stomach clenches, the twitching and throbbing of his cock growing more in intensity. He’s lifted his head from the door, looking down at you now and meeting your gaze as you blatantly ignore his request and continue to swallow him down your throat.

“Please, please, your pussy– want your pussy, honey, please,” he tries again, chest heaving as he begs, the fingers threaded through your hair now clenching into a fist as well, but still, he doesn’t pull you off him. That’s one of the things you like most about Changbin– he’s so strong that it’d be easy for him to make you do whatever he wants, but he doesn’t. 

Even now, as desperate as he is to be inside your pussy, he’s obedient, first and foremost. How can you resist giving him what he wants when he’s so sweet, perfect and well behaved? You pull off him with a loud ‘pop,’ watching the way his cock throbs pathetically against his stomach as his impending orgasm begins to ebb away.

You expect him to take a longer moment to recover, but even with how breathless he is, he’s leaning down to pick you up from the floor. You can’t help but let out a squeal as you’re lifted from the ground– you know very well that Changbin is strong, but it always surprises you how effortlessly he can lift your weight. Excites you too, if you’re being completely honest. 

He has you in a full princess carry, one arm supporting your back while the other is under your knees. You know he won’t drop you, but you wrap your arms around his neck anyway for the extra security. He shows his appreciation for you with so many kisses over your face that you can’t help but giggle, and he holds you tighter when his kisses cause you to squirm in his grasp.

“Don’t tickle me with kisses when I can’t escape you,” you half-heartedly complain, and he giggles with you, pressing one more to your nose before he starts walking away from the front door. “We’re going to your room,” he informs you, figuring that’s where you’d prefer to me after having been away from home. 

Your luggage lies forgotten on the floor as he makes his way past the open kitchen and living room, and into the hallway leading to your rooms. Standing in front of your door, you lean in his grasp to twist the door knob, and he gently nudges the door open further with his foot. Your bedroom is just how you left it a week and a half ago, and Changbin sets you down on your bed carefully.

“Are you going to undress yourself for me?” you ask with an expectant tilt of your head, and he blushes ever so slightly as he shyly giggles and nods. It never fails to make him a little shy when you watch him undress like this, but he also takes pride in the way you look at him. Hungry, but somehow still tender and sweet. 

He starts with his sweatpants and underwear, considering his cock is still out from when you pulled them down just enough to get it out. Kicking his feet out once they’ve fallen to the floor, his shirt is next, and he very quickly pulls it up and over his head. “My baby,” you coo at him after beckoning him closer, and it makes his head spin. 

It’s the first time you’ve used a possessive term with him. Your baby.. Yes, whether you know it or not, he’s yours. Only yours. 

“You’re so handsome, you know that?” you continue, smiling when the pink on his flushed cheeks deepens, “And sexy, and adorable, and lovable.” You love complimenting him– even before you were friends with benefits, you’d tell him sweet things whenever you could. It took him a long time to grow into himself and get comfortable and confident in his own skin, and he deserves the pride and joy he feels now. 

Lovable is a new one, and he tries not to let it root itself inside his head– you certainly do love him, but just as a friend, he knows it. You’ve always been sweet to him, and he’s certain that your doting on him and sweet gestures increased only because of the slight change in your relationship, and no other reason. 

Regardless, does the reason matter? You’re complimenting him earnestly, and that’s enough. Even if it’s said without romantic intent, you do mean it– and that’s all he needs, really.

��Help me out with my own clothes now, won’t you, sweet boy?” you ask, and he gives you an excited nod that makes you giggle again. You lift your back off the bed so he can help you with your top and bra, then lift your legs so he can help you out of your pants and underwear when you let your back fall against the bed again. 

He kisses you the entire time he’s getting you out of your clothes, only breaking away when he has to. “Gonna get you ready for me,” he breathes out near the shell of your ear before planting a kiss there, and then trailing them down your neck. He slides his hand between your legs as he does, and you spread them apart for him to make his task easier for him. 

You both know you can handle the sting from his cock stretching you out, sometimes you even crave it– but you can never deny his desire to be sweet to you. If he wants to stretch you out on his fingers first, you’ll let him do it every time. 

“Oh, honey, you’re so wet,” he gasps as he runs his fingers between your folds. It shouldn’t be much of a surprise, really– you always get soaking wet when you and Changbin are being intimate. Still, it always surprises him as much as it did your first time together; he supposes there’s a part of him that still can’t believe you’re this physically attracted to him, even with how much you shower him with compliments. 

Of course, if you knew he had that thought, you’d shower him with even more of them, until there wasn’t a single doubt left in his mind. He’s perfect, truly; there’ll never be anyone who can compare to Changbin.

You don’t need him to start slow or careful, but he does regardless, starting by pressing just one of his fingers to your hole before sliding it inside. He knows you can take more at once, would even enjoy the sting that would follow, but he wants to be good to you! When you’re full of him, so thick that you’re full to the point it’s almost too much, he wants it to be pure bliss. 

Changbin pumps his finger in and out of you slowly, waiting until he’s certain you’re about to start whining for more before adding a second, and after just a little more he’s adding a third. He keeps his fingers still for just a moment, making sure you’re well adjusted before he starts to thrust them in and out in the way he knows you love.

And God, even though it’s you that’s getting fucked right now, he feels like he’s going a little crazy. He’s so addicted to the noises you make, the way your breathing starts to hitch and turn more shallow, how your eyes roll back when he hits that gummy spot inside you. You’re so fucking slick, and squeezing his fingers so tight that he can barely even think straight– not that he was entirely to begin with. 

Is it just because it’s been over a week since the last time you were together? He never thought himself so insatiable or easily worked up, but fuck, you just unlock something in him. He’s had sex plenty of times before you started sleeping together, had plenty of fun experiences with different partners, but only you make me feel so.. needy.

“Binnie, baby, want your cock now, give it to me, please,” you whine, voice impossibly pretty and breathless. “Ah but– are you sure, baby? Don’t want me to make you cum first?” he asks as he slows down the motion of his fingers. 

“We’ve both waited long enough, haven’t we?” you ask, rhetorical; it’s much more a statement than a question. You look at his cock, still leaking steadily and impossibly hard, and then look back to Changbin’s face. “Let’s cum together. That’s what I want,” you tell him, and you can’t help but notice the way his cock twitches from your words in your peripheral. 

Of course, he can’t resist doing whatever you want– especially not when there’s a promise to cum together at the end. So he slips his fingers out of you, and before he can even ask what you’d like him to do, you’re putting your hands on his shoulders and guiding him to his back. 

He falls to his back easily, swallowing as he watches you crawl on top of him. You’ve done it countless times at this point, but it never stops being sexy and exciting to watch. Your hands planted firmly on his chest, and your legs straddling his body, you move your hips back and forth, rubbing your pussy up and down his length to get it wet. 

His tip rubbing against your clit feels so fucking good too, but that’s not why you’re doing this; so you quickly move on before you get carried away and end up grinding on him until you cum. Reaching your hand between your bodies, you grab his cock at the base and angle it where you need it. 

Changbin watches with eager eyes and bated breath, his hands holding your hips for extra support. Even when you start to slowly sink down on him, and you’re both gasping and breathless from the pleasure, he’s careful to not squeeze you too hard. He’s always so tender and careful, even when doesn’t need to be, and you love him for it. 

And true to what he hoped, there’s no sting when you’re fully sat on him, the stretch nothing but pleasurable for you. Because of this, it also means you don’t have to start slow– and so within just a few short moments, you’re bouncing on him rapidly, leaning down to kiss him as you do. 

He has long since stopped being embarrassed about the noises you draw out of him, whimpering and moaning freely as the pleasure seeps into every pore of his body. Your tongue once again slips its way into his mouth, and he meets it eagerly with his own, happy to slide it around yours. 

Bouncing on his cock, and kissing him like this, he can’t help but be reminded of the very first time you slept together. You had just freshly agreed to the friends with benefits arrangement, both of you lonely and in need of some intimacy, but being done with relationships for the time for your own reasons. 

You took the lead, and it was the first time anyone ever had– he was so used to being the macho man in charge for his lovers, that he found it interesting and exciting that you wanted to be the one in control. You told him what to do, how to do it, praised him and guided him along, had him lay down while you crawled on top and did all the work for him after you were ready to take his cock.

And to his surprise, he instantly liked it– loved it, even. He never considered before then letting someone else have the leading role in bed, but after you started, it just felt natural. And when you leaned down and kissed him in that moment, when everything was so different for him and exciting, it felt like everything shifted, like the entire world titled on its axis. 

Maybe he’s been in love with you since then, but only fully realized what he felt recently. Maybe he’s been in love since even further before, but didn’t have the tools then to put that feeling together, because the line between friend and lover can sometimes be blurry. Maybe he’s been a fool this entire time, and continues to be one now– because he knows what he feels now for certain, but is still too scared to admit it to you. 

He’s thankful that your tongue in his mouth prevents him from speaking– because he’s certain if it wasn’t, he’d end up saying something he shouldn’t. It doesn’t stop him from having the thoughts internally, however.

“You’re so perfect, I love you, I love you so much, I need you, need you to need me, love you,” his brain is screaming as his orgasm approaches once more. The noises leaving him growing more in volume and desperation is enough of a warning for you on its own that he’s close, but you can feel him throbbing too, eager for release after how close he was to cumming earlier.

You reach your hand between your bodies once more, this time to rub your clit with your fingers. It makes your pace falter a bit, but Changbin is more than used to helping you in the last stretch like this. He helps you keep your pace with his hands, and thrusts up into you in time with the fall of your hips onto his.

“C-Cumming, oh, bunny, you’re making me cum,” you whimper, biting your lip and furrowing your brow as the circles you draw on your clit grow messy. You gasp when your orgasm hits you, your breath catching in your throat as your mouth hangs open in a silent cry. Changbin was already close, and the way you squeeze around him as you cum unravels him too. 

His cum shoots inside you, hot and sticky, his entire body trembling as he whimpers and whines beneath you. He’s not sure when he closed his eyes, but when he opens them he sees you looking down at him with such a beautiful smile that he truly feels like he died and went to heaven– because fuck, you’re an angel. 

Changbin reaches a hand up, tucks your messy, fallen strands of hair behind your ears, smiling when you coo and call him a “sweet boy,” again. You let your body fall against his chest, resting your head in the crook of his neck as you close your eyes and let out a content sigh. “Baby?” he questions, giggling a little when you mumble about being tired against his skin. 

“We have to get you cleaned up,” he reminds you, though the way he strokes your back surely doesn’t give you any motivation to get off him. “And you need to go to the bathroom before you fall asleep!” he adds, and you hum an acknowledgment, but still make no effort to crawl off him. Instead, your body relaxes even further, and soon enough you’re not even responding to him talking to you anymore.

You’ve fallen asleep much quicker than Changbin would’ve ever expected; he’s sure you’re tired from the days you spent away and the trip back home, and the fact that you fucked him immediately upon getting home likely didn’t do you any favors in keeping the fatigue at bay.

But he’s still here in your bed, beneath you, your body warm and soft and entirely limp as serene snores leave you. He’s not sure if he should try to wiggle his way out from under you, or just stay like this and sleep together. He knows what he wants to do, but.. he’s never spent an entire night in your room, nor have you done so in his.

And all he can think about while he looks up at your ceiling with you in his arms is how much he loves you but can’t tell you.

Fuck. What does he do now?

It’s been days since Changbin has had the chance to speak with you, but whether or not that’s entirely a good thing remains to be seen– because even with the distance to sort himself out, his mind remains addled and plagued by the desire to be with you as a lover. 

Thankfully, you haven’t noticed anything off with him– mostly because the distance since arriving back home was due to your own need to catch up on sleep, unpack your belongings, and get ready to go back to work and resume life as usual. Whenever you’re not sleeping, you’re busy, and that works for Changbin– or it was supposed to, anyways.

All he’s done the last few days is get back into his spiral. Confess his feelings or not, risk your friendship or keep everything to himself, move out before he loses his mind or stay until the day you decide you’re done.. He wishes there was a simple, easy answer. More than that, he wishes he could guarantee that you’d stay with him if he laid his feelings bare for you.

And he misses you. You’re only a room away across the hall, but he misses you. And he doesn’t fucking know what to do with himself anymore. He’s been trying to sleep for hours now, but all he can do is toss and turn and think about you, how bad he needs you– not just emotionally, but physically too. Because the moment he started thinking about you, it was only a matter of time before he began to reminisce about the sex you’ve had. 

Is his brain fucking against him, or what? As if it wasn’t bad enough he was in a spiral over the possibility of you rejecting his feelings, now he can’t stop thinking about how pretty you looked after your shower this morning. He only saw you in passing, as he had to head out for work and you had to get back to catching up on the work emails that piled up in your inbox while you were away, but God..

If it wasn’t for the fact that you really needed to get your work done before going back to the office when the weekend’s over, he would’ve dropped to his knees right there in the middle of the hallway and eaten you out until you were begging him to stop (or forcing him to by pulling his hair.) He wouldn’t even have cared about his own job– Chan would forgive him, he always did.

And truly, this is agony. Worse than agony, it’s torture. He needs to go take a cold shower and calm the fuck down so he can start thinking rationally again– as rationally as he can manage to in his lovesick state, anyways. With a heavy sigh, he throws his blankets off himself and reaches for his glasses on his nightstand. After putting them on, he rises from his bed, hoping the shower will be enough of a reset to let him get some sleep.

Opening his door, he’s surprised to see you’re awake. Well, he can’t see you just yet from the hallway, but he can see that the lamp in the living room is turned on, and can faintly hear the tv playing lofi focus music. And even though he probably shouldn’t, he can’t resist walking over to check in on you. 

He can hear you typing away on your laptop as he gets closer, and you look away from the screen and turn your head in his direction when you hear his footsteps over the softly playing music. “Oh, Binnie!” you smile at him, and it’s so genuine it makes his heart flutter. He’s so fucking screwed. “Couldn’t sleep?” you ask him, taking a small break from responding to emails to give him your attention.

“O-Oh, yeah, well I was trying to sleep, but..” he trails off when he sees you glancing down his body, to the painfully obvious erection straining against his shorts. “Had a problem?” you finish for him, and his face instantly flushes red. It’s not like it’s the first time you’ve caught him with an erection, but it always makes him feel so perverted when it happens this way. 

“I can help you,” you offer, shooting him that pretty smirk that always turns him into jello. Fuck, you’re a siren, and he’s helpless to resist you. But still, aren’t you busy? As much as he’s willing to fuck up his own work performance for you, he’d feel terrible if his neediness made your own work harder for you. 

“I-I was going to shower and take care of it myself, but I saw you were awake and I just wanted to see what you were doing and.. Anyways, you don’t have to! Seriously, I know you’re busy! It’s okay, I don’t-” he babbles, and you giggle at him. He’s just so cute, especially when he’s trying his best to be considerate to you. 

“C’mere. I can’t help you right this minute but good boys like you know how to be patient, right? You can sit pretty here until I’m done with my emails?” you ask, patting the spot next to you on the sofa. Shit, you always know just what to say to him. 

He listens to your siren song, coming to where you beckon him to sit like the obedient boy you know him to be. “Take your cock out for me, baby,” you instruct, and again he listens, not a single ounce of hesitance as he slides his shorts down enough for his erection to spring free. He watches as you set your laptop on the coffee table and stand up, curious as to what you’re doing.

Changbin gulps when you slide your own shorts down your legs, as well as your panties, and fuck, he’s excited, but more than that he’s confused. He thought you told him he’d have to wait until you were done with your emails.. So why are you undressing already..? 

Maybe this is to keep him hard and eager– make him sit there with a view of your bare pussy so that by the time you’re done, he’s desperate and begging for you. Maybe you want to test the limits of your “good boy,” see how riled up you can make him while you work until he snaps and bends you over the sofa, taking you as he pleases. 

You stand in front of him with your back facing him, and though it’s a bit awkward and challenging, you reach behind and take his cock into your hand. “Spit on it, get it wet for me,” you tell him, and though his mind is still reeling from the unexpected development, he does as you ask. 

You spread his saliva around his length as best you can with your fingers, and when you’re content, you carefully press his cock to your hole. It takes you a second to get the angle right thanks to the position, but once you’ve got it, you slowly start to sink down. Changbin gasps and whines, bewildered by what’s happening right now. “B-Baby, I- what- what are you doing? I thought- I don’t-” 

“You’re still going to wait,” you tell him after you’ve fully sat in his lap, doing your best to keep your voice steady and firm despite how deliciously his cock is stretching out. “Be good for me, and stay still ‘til I’m done, okay? And then I’ll take care of you,” you tell him, and again he whines as he watches you lift your laptop from the coffee table and set it back in your lap. 

It’s a little awkward to type like this, but you think the fun that’ll result from it is worth it. Changbin eagerly nods his head, but then he remembers that you can’t see him in this position, so he speaks the best he can. “Y-Yes, I’ll be good for you,” he says with a shaky breath, biting his lip when you squirm ever so slightly to get more comfortable.

You lean back into him, his chest pressing against your back, his face close enough to your neck and shoulder that you can feel his labored breaths tickling your skin. He hears a click on your touchpad, opening a new email he assumes, followed shortly by the sound of keys resuming as you respond to it. 

Why is this so fucking hot? His dick is fully pressed inside you, and you’re not even paying attention to him– just continuing to type away on your laptop as if he’s not even losing his mind beneath you. Or should he say behind you? Both? 

He bites his lip and closes his eyes, trying his best to keep staying still like you told him to, his hands clutching the sofa cushions to keep them from wandering without permission and distracting you from your work. 

And God, he’s trying so hard to be quiet too, but it feels so impossible. The more you type away and click open new emails, the more he throbs. And the more he throbs, the more your pussy reacts by squeezing around him. And then he can’t help but whimper, his eyes rolling back when you adjust in his lap and cause the tiniest bit of friction. 

Click, more typing. A few more clicks, more typing. Click, click, more typing. How long has it even been? Since the moment you sank down on him and started working, he feels like he’s lost all sense of time. All he knows is that your pussy has been squeezing him so good– and it’s so wet now too. Is it just as exciting for you as it is for him? Do you like it? Or is it how good he’s being for you that’s making you soak his cock? 

“B-Baby, are you almost done? Please tell me you’re almost done,” Changbin whines, the desperation in his voice palpable. You chuckle as you click send on another email, wishing you could see his face right now– you’re sure he’s absolutely debauched. “Not quite,” you answer, and you can practically hear the pout in his whine.

Changbin is many things, but impatient and disobedient is not among the list. And he’s trying so, so hard to keep staying still, but he doesn’t think he can take it much longer. Honestly, you’re not sure if you can either– you’re quickly losing focus on your emails, and you’re fairly certain at least a handful of them were written less than professionally. 

Still, you click open another one, trying not to react to the way he desperately whimpers. He can’t be bad, he can’t– so his only option is to keep sitting here, and take it. “You’re- you’re almost done now, right?” he asks after another few minutes of waiting– at least, it felt like that to him. For all he knew, in reality it could’ve been more like 30 seconds. 

“What’s wrong, baby? Can’t wait anymore?” It’s a bit of a mean question, you know– especially since you already know the answer. But still, it’s fun to ask, and you love how whiny and breathy his voice has gotten in the time you’ve been sitting on his cock. 

“I-I’m sorry, I’m really trying, I just- I-I’ve never wanted to fuck you so bad before, I’m going crazy,” he practically cries, and you’re sure that if you turned around, you’d see his plump lips formed into the cutest, most devastating pout. “But I’m- I’m good,” he continues after taking another shaky breath, “I won’t move, not unless you tell me to, I promise.”

Fuck it– you still have work, but who cares? Surely your boss will understand if you couldn’t get to every email right? You got through most of them, and that counts for something, doesn’t it? That’s the justification you give yourself anyways as you close your inbox. 

“You want to fuck me, Binnie?” you ask him, and he eagerly nods just as he did before, remembering again at the last moment that you can’t see him. “Yes, yes! I really, really want to,” he replies, letting out a salacious moan when you start to lift off him. You shut your laptop and place it back on the coffee table before you turn around to look at Changbin.

Just as you expected, he looks deliciously debauched. Lips swollen and bitten red, face flushed, eyes sparkling with hope and desire as he looks up at you. “You’re right baby, you’re good. Such a good boy,” you coo at him, leaning down to kiss him sweetly. “How do you want me?” you ask him when you pull back, and his brain has to work overtime to stop itself from short circuiting from the question.

If you’re letting him pick, there’s one clear answer that’ll make him the happiest. “Lay down- on your back, please. Want to look at you, want you to look at me,” he says, and you smile at him as you lay back against the sofa, spreading your legs so Changbin can crawl between them. He kisses you as he takes his cock in his hand, pressing it against your hole before pulling away to look at you for approval.

“Go ahead, fuck me, bunny,” you encourage him sweetly. A shiver runs down the length of his spine as he starts to push back inside you, another obscene whine from deep in his throat leaving him when he’s fully inside. He leans down to kiss you again when he starts to fuck you earnestly, because that’s all he can think to do with his overwhelming wave of emotions. 

He’s thrusting fast from the start, all the pent up desperation and need for you pouring out of him ceaselessly. Your eyes always stay on his, even when he hits your spot in the way that normally makes them close or roll back, and it makes him crazy how you’re catering to his desire to have you looking at him.  

Your eyes are so pretty, so warm in the way they look at him. Everything about you is warm– your hands when they hold him, your body when it envelops him, your voice when you speak to him. The way you smile at him when he enters the room, the way you laugh at his stupid jokes, it’s warm, all of you is so, so warm. You’re home, you’re comfort, you’re bliss.

He feels like he’s unraveling in his entirety as he looks down at you, his pace quickly growing sloppy as his cock throbs. He can’t handle the way you’re looking up at him, can feel the tears threatening to well up in the corners of his eyes. He’s so overwhelmed by it all– by the pleasure, by the way you look lying beneath him, by how much he loves you. 

“You’re so beautiful, oh my god,” he whines, every thought that’s been running through his mind falling from his lips as he squeezes you in his arms. He knows he should shut up, should bite his lip or slap his hand over his mouth before he says something he shouldn’t, but the words just keep pouring out of him. 

“You’re so pretty, so fucking pretty, I can’t take it sometimes,” he continues, whimpering when you bring your fingers to your clit and start to squeeze around him tighter. “You- you make me so crazy, you’re perfect, so perfect, and- God, ‘m so close, love you so much, I love you,” he stutters, his eyes rolling back as he feels you start to cum with him. He presses his cock fully into you one last time, his cum spurting out in thick ropes until you’re full.

He’s panting, glasses fallen down to the tip of his nose, body trembling as he slowly starts to come down from the high. “Binnie,” you call him softly, and it’s not until he opens his eyes and looks at you again that what he said hits him like a ton of bricks.

He told you he loves you. While he was fucking you. He told you he loves you.

There’s no way to turn it out around as platonic in this scenario– it’s so fucking obvious how he meant it. To say he’s mortified is an understatement; and when he tries to speak, all that comes out are pathetic stutters, every explanation he wants to offer dying in his throat. Your eyes are watery as you look at him, and suddenly his throat feels impossibly dry, his hands clammy as he pulls out of you. 

He fucked up so bad. He ruined everything, he knows he did– this isn’t how he wanted to tell you, he wasn’t even ready to tell you. And now you know, and you’re looking at him with so much concern he feels like he’s going to shatter. Not anger, not sadness, but care– a care entirely different from what he’s seen on you before.

It’s pity, isn’t it? You don’t share the sentiment and you pity him for blurting it out like that. “You love me?” you ask him, your voice soft but cautious, unsure. “I..” Changbin tries again, but honestly he just wants to cry. Every emotion, every word, lodged in his throat and stuck, but still he tries to explain himself. “I’m sorry, I- I didn’t mean-”

You’ve always loved Changbin. Since the early days of your friendship, you’ve loved him. How could you not? You’d never met someone as sincere as him, his every action so affectionate and caring. A gentleman through and through, always making sure the people he loves are taken care of, always the first to offer a helping hand when someone is in need. 

But you’d given up on the idea that you could have something more so long ago– and becoming friends with benefits with him told you that he didn’t love you romantically. He was the first to offer, and people don’t offer that arrangement if it risks their feelings getting exposed; so he didn’t love you that way, you were certain. 

You told yourself you were okay with that. You were done with relationships, so tired of having your heart broken after pouring all of your love and faith into someone. And sure, you’d be heartbroken again when Changbin inevitably decides to move on, but at least it was a heartbreak you accepted would come, you’d be ready for it– that’s what you always told yourself.

But he loves you? Like, is in love with you? And he’s mistaking your surprise, your teary eyes, your struggle to wrap your head around the fact that he loves you as much as you love him as rejection. You can see it in the panic in his eyes, the way he stumbles over his words, the tremble in his voice– he thinks you don’t love him. 

How could he ever think you don’t love him? 

“Changbin, I-” you try again, and somehow the fact that you’re using his full name hurts worse; it's like a confirmation that you’re done with him, with this. It’s irrational, but the part of his brain that’s trying to talk sense into him is drowned out by the panic and fear of rejection, as if he can protect himself from the pain by accepting the fact that you don’t love him now before you say it out loud. 

“I need- I need a minute, I’m so sorry,” he blurts out, because even though he knows it’s coming, he can’t bear to hear it yet. He scrambles up from the sofa, trying to hold back the tears that threaten to spill as he rushes back to his room. He falls to his bed, burying his face into his pillows and lets out a trembling breath. 

Tomorrow.. He can’t avoid this, knows he needs to accept it sooner rather than later, but for this tiny moment, at least until tomorrow, he’s still yours.

Changbin isn’t avoiding you. At least, not on purpose– he just hasn’t gathered the courage to leave his room yet. He feels a bit like a hypocrite; he prides himself on his communication skills, and yet in the face of an honest conversation and acceptance of rejection, he flounders. Is he pathetic? You’d have every right to think so. 

Are you going to move out now? Should he? No, he should stop beating around the bush and just talk to you. You’re not in love with him, but you do love him– and that’s supposed to be enough, he told himself so many times that it is. 

You can work past this, can’t you? It has to be possible. He just doesn’t want to lose you, even if it breaks his heart he can take not having you romantically, is totally fine without the sex– but losing you as a friend? He can’t bear that.

He sighs, covering his face with his hands as he lies in his bed. He slept like shit, and he’s sure you didn’t fare much better– a thought that adds to the guilt he feels. But fuck, he needs to face this. The only thing that would be worse than losing you as a friend because being friends with benefits blew up in his face would be losing you because he was a spineless coward. 

Changbin grabs his phone, checks the time– it’s still early in the morning, but you’re usually awake by now. With another sigh to steel himself for what’s to come, he gets up from his bed and faces his door. He takes a breath, another attempt to calm his nerves, and walks to his door, quickly twisting the knob and pulling it open. 

“Oh!” you squeak in surprise, jumping where you stand before him. Changbin jumps too, with his own little shout of surprise coming out. How long were you standing outside of his door? Were you trying to work up the nerve to talk to him too? You blink at one another for a moment, and to Changbin’s relief, you’re the first to crack, letting out a little giggle. 

He giggles too, and though it’s a bit awkward given what happened late last night, it’s a relief that you’re not mad at him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Changbin explains through his giggles, and God, your smile is so cute. You cover your mouth as you try to stop giggling, eyes crinkling and sparkling as you look at him, “No, no! It’s my fault for standing outside your door like this.” 

It eases him, feels more like the normal he’s used to with you– the normal he hopes and prays you can still share after this. “Can I come in?” you ask him, and of course he lets you, stepping to the side so you can enter his room. Your body language is still relaxed, but when you look at him again, your expression is serious.

Part of him worries that the lighthearted moment you just shared was a lapse in judgment on your part, and that you’re about to chew him out for running away last night– not that he wouldn’t deserve it if you did. But what you actually end up saying is a much stronger shock to his system. “Why do you think I don’t love you?”

“Wh-What? I-I.. I don’t-” Changbin stutters, blinking at you in utter shock, not even entirely sure how to respond.

“Because I do. I love you so much, Seo Changbin. The idea that you think I don’t hurts me,” you tell him, entirely sincere. That’s the part of his impromptu confession that kept you up at night, the part that upset you? Not that he loves you when he shouldn’t, or that your friendship might be ruined?

“If you think you’re not enough for me, you are– if you think you aren’t deserving of love, you are. Tell me what it is, so I can make sure you never question how much I love you again. Okay? I need you to promise me that.”

Changbin blinks, frozen, a million thoughts and emotions running through him. If he’s being honest, he doesn’t know the answer. There was such a big chunk of his life where he wasn’t happy with himself– the way he looked, the soft parts of his personality, his desires that felt so grandiose and impossible.. 

He thought he had to live to what other people expected him to be, that it was the only way they would love him. It took him years of effort, of stumbling and falling and getting back up to get where he is now. More confident in his body, in the way he walks through the world, in the love he pours into his family and friends.

But there’s that part of his old self that still lingers– a part that calls to him late at night, that makes him question if he’s allowed to be this happy. That reminds him it’s still there when he’s weak and unsure, that crawls up his spine whenever you smile at him, that won’t let him believe that you could love him. 

Changbin isn’t the same lanky, insecure boy he was when he first met you, but maybe he is. He looks different than he did then, but maybe that part of him is still there, underneath the built up muscle and maturity. Maybe it always will be, maybe there’s no way to ever make it go away– but maybe he doesn’t need to.

He thinks of all the times you were there for him, from the very first day you met. How you always encouraged him to do what makes him happy, how you supported him through his every decision to better himself. 

“I think you’re perfect the way you are, but if going to the gym would make you feel better about yourself, you should do it!” you told him when he brought up the topic of trying to bulk up and fill out his body. “You’re so adorable Binnie, seriously, how can you be so cute?” you grinned, pinching his cheeks the first time aegyo slipped out in front of you. 

No matter which version of himself he showed you, you loved him. Each part, no matter how different and against expectations, you cared for. And even with all the work he put into himself, there was still the part of him that tried to change in his romantic and sexual relationships. Trying to live up to what he thought his partners wanted, trying to adapt himself to them. 

But so effortlessly, you dismantled the expectations he put upon himself. All the times you called him sexy and adorable in the same breath, made him believe that he could be both at the same time– that he could be manly and intimidating, sweet and loving, sexy and cute all at once, and it was all still genuinely him, all worthy of love.

Maybe it’s impossible to shove insecurity completely aside; it’s likely that it’ll always linger. Even when it’s small, and tucked away, and very nearly forgotten, it’ll be there, waiting. And maybe that’s okay, because when you have someone who loves you as you are, who reassures you and listens to you and comforts you, it’ll start to fade back out as naturally as it came in.

“I don’t know why,” he answers honestly, his bottom lip starting to quiver. His best guess is that his fear of losing someone he loves so much expounded upon his underlying insecurities, made them flare to the point that he felt like he could drown in them. 

“I just know that I love you. And I need you, and not like- not like that, I just- ..I never want to be without you,” he continues, refusing to get choked up by his emotions and let it stop him from saying what he needs to. “And I promise- I’ll tell you, anytime I’m unsure of myself, I’ll tell you.” 

You step closer to him, reach up and cup his face in your hands, rub the tears that threaten to fall from the corners of his eyes with your thumbs. His heart skips a beat when you smile sweetly at him, when you lean towards him to press a soft kiss to his lips, to tell him you love him. “You said I was perfect,” you say as you kiss him again, and then again, “but so are you. You’re the loveliest person I’ve ever known.”

You press more kisses over his face, complimenting each feature as you go. His deep, dark eyes that can be so piercing or so soft depending on the situation. His full cheeks, so cute and endearing when they’re pink from a blush, but so handsome and complimentary to his face. His downturned smirk when something amuses him that can easily turn into a fully bright upturned smile when he’s happy, and makes his nose scrunch adorably. 

“Honey,” he breathes in a soft whine, unsure of what to do with all the excess affection. You guide him back to his bed, crawling atop him when he falls back against it, continuing your trail of kisses down his neck. “You deserve this,” you tell him, smiling against his skin when you feel him squirm beneath you, “deserve it all, and more.”

Changbin brings one of his hands to the back of your neck when you pull back to look at him, bringing you back down to him so he can kiss you. He doesn’t want to hold back anymore, to try and hide how badly he needs you. He kisses you like a man starved, hungry and desperate. His desire is carnal, every inch of him aching for your attention. 

Your hands sweep over his torso, finding the hem of his shirt and tugging at it. He gets the hint, and separates from you so you can take it off him. He watches you remove yours too, heart thumping in his chest as you reach behind you to unhook your bra. He tries to lean up to kiss you again when you’re finished, but you push him back down.

He whines at first, but quickly swallows it down when you smile at him in that pretty way that makes his stomach flare with butterflies, his cock twitching as it hardens beneath you. Your hands travel his body, compliments about each and every inch of him freely falling from your lips. His arms, thick and warm and comforting. His chest, so strong and beautifully sculpted. His stomach, soft and cute, as perfect as the rest of him. 

You kiss him too– everywhere your fingers touch, your lips follow. Soft, tender, overwhelming– his heart is beating so fast and hard, all your words, touches, and kisses make his blood feel like molten lava, every inch of him unbearably hot. It chokes him up too, how sweet you’re being to him; you’ve doted on him plenty of times, but never like this.

You take one of his hands in yours next, bring it up to your lips to press achingly soft kisses to it. The palm first, and then his wrist, before you turn it over to kiss his knuckles. You kiss the tip of each of his fingers, and his breath hitches as he watches you, goosebumps erupting all over him when you gently put it down and pick up his other hand to repeat the actions. 

You treat him with so much reverence, shower him with more love than he knows what to do with. He’s trembling with emotion, aching with desire, overwhelmed by how much he loves you, how beautiful you look. He’s going to cry– seriously, he doesn’t know how much more he can take before tears start spilling out of him. 

“Honey, please-” Changbin whines, and to his relief, you pause to look at him. “Please, I- let me make you feel good, please? I want to, I- I want to show you how much I love you too,” he begs. You intended to take care of him, to shower him in affection until you inevitably made him cum, but you meant it when you said you can never deny him his desire to be sweet to you.

“Tell me what you want, baby,” you say, and you watch as he chews on his bottom lip, face heating up further as he considers what to say. He knows what he wants, he’s thought about it so many times– it’s just the admitting and asking for it part that makes him a little shy. Still, you treat him so well, and you always indulge him, so.. The only thing to do is just go for it. 

“I want.. Want you to sit on my face. Please? Please, please sit on my face,” he begs, and God, that has to be the sexiest thing he’s ever begged for. It makes your stomach flip, and if your legs weren’t straddling him, you definitely would’ve clenched them together. Lifting yourself off him, you make quick work of the remainder of your clothes. 

Changbin scoots down the bed, so your legs will have more room when you return to him, chucking his glasses away, not nearly enough care in him for where they land. He looks at you, with a devastatingly sweet and bashful smile, his arms reaching out to help you when you start to settle above him. Your knees on either side of his head, he wraps his arms around your thighs. 

The latter half of his face is obscured by your body hovering over him, but looking down, you can see his eyes, sparkling with eager excitement as he keeps your gaze. You lower yourself just a little, nervous to sit your entire weight on his face and suffocate him, but Changbin doesn’t want you to hover, he wants you to sit. 

So using the arms he has wrapped around you, he pulls you fully down to him. You gasp– partly because of the surprise, and partly from the feeling of his tongue meeting your pussy. He focuses on your hole first, lapping up all the slick that drips out of you before he drags his tongue up to your clit, licking in a long, fat stripe.

He wraps his lips around it, sucking and flicking it with his tongue until you're writhing above him before he alternates back to licking you up, bottom to top, drinking all you offer. You bury your fingers in his curly hair, and he moans when you tug on it. He squeezes your trembling thighs, letting out happy hums whenever you moan for him.

He sticks out his tongue and lays it flat for you when you start to roll your hips, letting you grind against his face and use him however you see fit to. You shiver when your clit bumps against his nose, your breaths becoming harsher as you drive yourself closer to release on his tongue.

“Oh bunny, you’re so good to me, so good, ‘m gonna cum for you,” you cry, voice whinier than you would’ve otherwise liked it to be, but the way Changbin whines eagerly in response tells you how much he loves it. A few more rolls of your hips, and you’re cumming, your thighs squeezing around his head as you keep a tight grip on his hair to keep yourself steady. 

Changbin enthusiastically laps up your release, continuing until you're squirming and whining from the sensitivity. He loosens his hold on your thighs when you do, letting you lift your leg over his head and fall to the side of the bed a little ways away from him. Both of you are breathless, but Changbin is the first to recover, and when he does he sits up and crawls over to where you landed.

He grabs your face, gently, of course, and pulls you into a kiss. His face is slick with your essence, and you can taste yourself all over his lips and tongue. “You looked so pretty,” he tells you softly between kisses, “You’re so gorgeous when you cum for me.” He carefully spreads your legs and slots himself between them, sliding his tongue around yours as he does. 

“Want to give you my cock now,” he breaths, pulling away just enough to look at you with those eager, pleading eyes that make you weak. “Want to keep making you feel good, want to- want to watch your eyes roll back when I make you cum again.” 

“Sweet boy,” you coo, spreading your legs wider for him, offering yourself to him, “do it, baby. Give it to me.”

He kicks off the remainder of his clothes in record time, taking his cock in his hand and spreading the dribbling pre-cum over his length until it’s completely wet. You’re more than ready for him, but he’s as careful with you as always, pushing each inch inside slowly. 

You reach out to him and pull him down to you, kissing him hard and sweet, drinking in the whimper he lets out when he’s fully inside you. His entire body is trembling, still worked up from all the attention you gave him and sensitive from fucking you just last night. There’s a part of him that still feels vulnerable too, but he’s safe with you, and he knows you always will be. 

He loves you well, but you love him better; and he’ll spend every moment he has showing how much he appreciates you. He doesn’t need to prove his worth, doesn’t need to do anything apart from be himself– the love you’ve given him has shown him that. You understand him, better than anyone ever has. 

You love him, you always have, long before who he is now, and will continue to long into the future. All he has to do to repay all you’ve given him is love you. Love you honestly, openly, freely– because he’s enough as he is.

When he starts to move his hips, you both moan, Changbin just the slightest bit louder than you. He tucks his arms under your shoulders and pulls you closer to him, chests touching as he steadily builds a faster pace. He’s squeezing you in his arms, whining in your ear about how good you feel around him.

He’s so high-strung and sensitive that he doesn’t think he’ll last long, but oh, is he going to try. But shit, he’s still so emotional too– he thought he would’ve recovered by now, but it keeps hitting him in waves. And when you kiss him, it makes him dizzy– not just with lust and desire, but with passion, adoration.

The way he looks down at you when he pulls away takes your breath away, so sentimental and loving. You take his face into one of your hands again, and it takes everything in him to not get choked up again. Your love is his greatest comfort, but it also makes him ache– because no one has ever loved him as sincerely as you do. 

“Do you need to stop?” you ask him tenderly, once again wiping the tears from his eyes. His heart feels like it’s going to burst from all the emotion, but he quickly shakes his head, offering you a sincere smile, “N-No, no, I’m fine! I just- I really love you,” he admits, pressing a sweet kiss to your lips to show you he means it.

“And besides, I might go actually insane if I don’t fuck you, cause seriously, how are you so fucking sexy?” he follows up. “Oh, shut up,” you giggle, playfully slapping his arm. “This is supposed to be about you, you know? My sweet bunny and how perfect he is- maybe I need to remind you?” 

Changbin curiously tilts his head at your words as you lock your legs around him and using what strength you have, and with the help of gravity and momentum, you force him to roll to his side, and then to his back. You smile down at him, your roles easily flipped, while he stares up at you, mystified and easily the most turned on he’s ever been. 

“Oh-” is all he manages to utter, his cock throbbing furiously inside you. He could’ve easily fought it– he’s physically much stronger than you, after all. But he just loves when you force him into the positions you want, loves to be malleable and pliant for you. 

You plant your hands firmly on his chest, bouncing on his cock fast, the sound of your thighs slapping together just barely louder than Changbin’s obscenely loud whimpers. “Oh God, ‘m gonna cum,” he whines desperately, too wound up and sensitive to resist it, his hands clutching at the bedsheets so hard his knuckles have turned white, “please, please, please, can I, please? Please, let me cum.” 

“I love you so much, Binnie, want you to cum for me,” you tell him, bringing one of your hands to your clit so you can cum with him, the way he always loves to. It causes you to squeeze tighter, and he gasps, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth as he trembles. “Give it to me, baby, be a good boy and cum for me.”

He does just as you ask, a messy string of “I love you”s falling from his lips until he’s too far gone to keep talking, tears streaming down the sides of his face as his eyes roll to the back of his head, and then close. His noises are high-pitched and pornographic, his entire body shaking with the intensity of his cum spilling inside you.

His vision is blurry when he starts to blink open his eyes, but soon enough you come back into focus above him, looking down at him affectionately. He smiles at you, a goofy, sweet one that makes you giggle. He wraps his arms around you and drags you down to him, pressing kisses to your lips over and over again. 

Changbin tells you everything he’s wanted to this entire time as he does; how beautiful you are, how much he loves you, how he can’t imagine his life without you in it. He blushes when you do the same, while once again making him promise he’ll tell you if doubt ever starts to creep up on him. 

The journey to loving yourself isn’t easy; it’s a long winding road, uneven and easy to stumble on. But when he falls, you’ll be there to catch him. You’ll remind him how loved he is, the value he has simply in being, how he brightens every day you share just by existing. 

You’ll always be here, growing older with him, supporting him as he continues to grow and change, each experience turning him into a newer version of himself. And in every change, in every season of his life, you’ll continue to love him. Always.

network tags: @ksmutsociety @skzstarnet

[anurst]

What He Likes

Summary: Natasha makes an observation about the girls that Jake hits on, and you jump to conclusions about his type. Let's just say you make the irrational decision to cut your hair after.

A/N: sorry this isn't a Girl Bradshaw update :( ik a lot of people have been waiting for an update. I've been lowkey spiraling but I'm feeling better now! college has been stressing me tf out but I'm starting to take better care of myself! if you haven't noticed there's a tip option now so if you want maybe tip? i don't wanna pressure anyone at all!! i figured that maybe I could get paid while writing since it's something that I love to do ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ anyway enjoy! this has been sitting in my drafts for a while

Pairing(s): Jake Seresin x (fem) reader

Warning(s): mentions of alcohol, language, inaccurate military cause I said so, reader is described with long hair

"Have you ever noticed how Hangman only goes after girls with short hair?" Natasha says beside you, and you stop mid-sip. Your eyes shift from Bradley and Bob's pool game towards Jake and a short-haired brunette.

They're both standing near the bar, and the woman gives Jake a bright smile as she laughs at something he says. The moment her hand brushes against his arm, jealousy fills you. It wasn't a secret between you and Natasha that you had a crush on Jake. Being the only woman in the dagger squad meant that the two of you spent a lot of time together.

"Nope," you respond to her, and a finger wraps itself in a strand of your hair. It's an understatement to say you have long hair. After seeing Rapunzel as a little girl, you committed to having long hair like her. It's been your pride and joy since you were young, the reason many girls have showered you in compliments about how long and luscious it is. But now, looking at Jake and the short-haired girl heading towards the door of the Hard Deck, you curse your decision to keep your hair so long.

"Hey, Princess!" Mickey calls out, and you turn to look at him. "You up for some pool?" You force a smile and stand from your seat beside Natasha.

"Only if you're up for losing again."

'Oh God, this was a terrible idea,' you think as you stare at yourself in the mirror. Your fingers run through your shoulder-length hair, and you groan. The memories from last night are a little hazy as you try to think about how you ended up in this situation.

After having one too many drinks, Bradley gave you a ride home, and you ended up in your bathroom with a pair of scissors. Natasha's words from hours earlier seemed to echo in your head as you frowned. "If Jake likes girls with short hair, I can be a girl with short hair," you mumbled as you cut inches of your hair off. Hair strands fell to the ground as you measured the ends with your fingers. Looking into the mirror, you smiled at your new hair, and a yawn slipped out of your lips as you looked down at your phone resting on the sink. "I really gotta sleep."

'This is so so so so so very bad' You squint at the uneven portions of your hair and grimace as you try to fix them. The sound of your phone ringing draws your attention away from your hair. Running out the bathroom and into your room, you answer the phone to hear Natasha's voice.

"Hey! I'm outside! Oh, and I got you an iced coffee and bagel for breakfast."

"Nat..."

"Yeah?"

"I really need your help right now..."

"What'd you do now?"

"Holy shit," Bradley gawks at you, and you groan as you cover your face with your hands. Natasha glares from beside you before she hits Bradley in the stomach. The brunette groans as he doubles over slightly before forcing a smile onto his face. "It's not that bad," he tries to reassure you.

Momentarily, you look up at him. With one glimpse of his, you already know he's lying, and you try to muffle a cry. "Idiot!" Natasha seethes as she rubs your back. Bradley raises his hands in mock surrender.

"Sorry!"

"(y/n), it's really not that bad."

"Yeah! It's just, uh, different. You still look beautiful," Bradley says as he smiles at you. Your eyes shift between his face and Natasha's before you give them a weak nod.

"We should get going," you say with a deep breath as you puff your chest out in fake confidence. Fake it until you make it, you know? You'd try to act confident with your new hair, even if you wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole and hide. Natasha and Bradley let you lead the way towards the classroom.

Eyes are all you feel as you walk into the classroom and sit beside Javy. You try to shy away from his gaze by placing your chin into your palm, but eventually, you turn to him with your eyes narrowed.

"What?"

"Your hair..."

"I wanted to try something new," you mumble before burying your head into your arms. Maybe you should have called in sick. That'd be better than feeling like everyone's staring at you.

"Princess?" Jake's voice calls from behind you, and your head whips up and around to look at Jake. His usual cocky look is replaced with a dropped jaw and wide eyes. "You...your hair...you..."

You can't help but giggle at his words, "Yeah, I cut it last night when I was a little drunk. Kinda a bad decision," you say, your hand nervously tucking a strand behind your ear. Jake doesn't reply, his jaw still dropped and staring straight at you. Self-conscious, you huff. "If you don't like it, then just say it. I can take it."

"No! I just- uh- well-"

"Okay, let's get started," Pete says as he walks in. "Hangman, quit your drooling and sit down. You can stare at Princess some other time."

"You know, I like you more with the short hair!" Mickey says while handing you a beer. You snort and toast your beers before cheering on Bradley and Bob as they take on Javy and Reuben in pool.

A cough from behind you makes you turn around. Jake is standing there, his cheeks flushed red, and embarrassment is clear on his face. "I wanted to say that I like it— your hair."

Nodding, you lick your lips. "Sorry if I was a little mean in the morning. I just was trying to get used to it."

Jake chuckles and dismisses your apologies. "It definitely will take some time to get used to."

"I thought you'd be thrilled about it."

"Huh?" Confusion spreads all over Jake's face. Seeing him confused, you all raise a brow.

"I mean, you like girls with short hair, right? I figured you'd like my new hair, too."

"Who told you that?"

As you remember the conversation between you and Natasha, your cheeks flush. "Well, no one told me that. I just, like, kinda assumed."

"Assumed?"

"Yeah, I mean, all the girls you take home all have short hair, so I just thought you were into those kinda girls, ya know?"

"So, you've been watching me?" Jake grins, and you realize what your words have implied.

"What?! No! I just—" You're cut off when Jake starts laughing. Groaning, you put your beer down and cover your face. Jake's laughter slowly dies as he reaches for your hands to pull them away from your face.

"For the record, darlin'. I'm into you."

"Huh?"

Jake chuckles before smiling, "I'm not into girls with short hair. I'm into you," his face then looks a little embarrassed, "I thought you were so out of my league that I went after girls that didn't look like you. 'Sides, I never really took any of them back to my place."

A smile starts to grow on your face as you giggle. "You're into me? No jokes?"

"No jokes, darlin'." Without another second passing, you rush forward and press your lips to Jake's, his eagerly molding with yours. Fireworks go off in your belly as Jake's fingers brush against your short strands of hair. You both pull away, and Jake frowns.

"Can you grow your hair back out? You're always beautiful, but the Rapunzel hair was just so you."

[dollfaceirene]

50 DAY SC CHALLENGE: UPDATE 1

SO it's finally time for the first update of the 50 Day Self Concept challenge that i started to improve my mindset!

𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝟏: so i listened to some new SC affirmation tapes that i found on youtube and relistened to my SC playlist and i've noticed a calmness in my mindset ngl. I just felt meh about my mindset. 𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝟐: icl i've seen a sense of calmness in my mindset which is good. Been affirming i was a master shifter and could shift on command (becuz respectfully, i fcking can lol), i've noticed when i was on call with one of my friend's friend, i was actually really talkative & funny, my mum is nicer to me, i feel soo good 𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝟑: so i saw some video of some shiftoker that i have been keeping up with recently and she minishifted after her 2nd day of reprogramming her subconsciousness and that made me spiral and cause a dip in my mindset because "she was making more progress in her 3D than me" and i started having feeling of jealousy and such. Regardless, i kept persisting even though i lowkey felt shitty and then near the end of the night, i listened to some SC affirmation tapes & shifting subs 𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝟒: ever since seeing that video of someone minishifting on their 2nd day of their mental diet, i’ve just been wavering thinking “why not me?” “how long until its my turn” and its just sent me in some spiral. It doesn’t help that lately i’ve been just home all day so i get bored very easily and start wavering on my self concept aswell. Idk, but i just need to pick myself tf up and stand up because if i keep wavering, ill never get out of the cycle of persisting in my SC and being a master shifter, focus on the 3D then start affirming the opposite. Nuh uh! because i promised myself this year ill shift and no more fucking excuses because if other people can do it then there is absolutely no excuse to me doing it 𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝟓: So after reading a really eye opening and wake up call loa post on tumblr at 12AM, i decided why tf was i allowing myself to become a victim of the 3D when its the effect and my 4D is the cause?? So i kept persisting in my affirmations and woke up feeling sm better. Overall, i manifested some stuff and even something didnt go my way in the 3D and i found it sm easier to not react to it.

[mur-art]

A Calivada Essay in Song Lyrics

Lowkey inspired by @sleepdeprivedsimp234's song lyrics posts I decided to let my instincts win and put together a post full of song lyrics that are Calivada-coded to me. (Since the latest episode got me fully back on my Calivada bullshit. You could say they took a high-speed rail straight into my heart. )

The songs are roughly in order with how I picture the progression of their relationship. It starts with the early days of the Gold and Silver rushes and the Wild West, marked with periods of stormy and reckless whirlwind romance. Then it progresses into the early 20th century, with them growing apart, and yet together: Nevada finding his identity in casinos and sin, and California giving into the hedonism of Hollywood. Somewhere along the line, they became on-and-off again FWB, coming together when they're drunk, or lonely, or hopeless... or all of the above, locked in a frankly toxic and tumultuous co-dependent relationship. Not quite enemies, not quite lovers, definitely not friends... (or so they'll say).

Just... them. Anyway...

A bunch of these have been compiled from suggestions from various people over the past year-ish and some are just my shitty millennial taste in mid-2000s pop rock.

Link to actual playlist here

PART 1: "We're meant to be together like silver and gold"

California and Nevada meet for the first time. There's an immediate attraction to each other-- is it really love or is it simply a lust for the sparkle of silver and gold? Either way, it's a force of nature when they come together.

Silver and Gold- Parade of Lights (Cali's perspective)

Can you let me in if I take you home? / I'm never giving up 'cause I can't let go / I feel it in the air, feel it in my bones / We're meant to be together like silver and gold

Silver Stallion- The Highwaymen (Cali's perspective)

I'm gonna find me a reckless woman / Razor blades and dice in her eyes / Just a touch of sadness in her fingers / Thunder and lightning in her thighs

And we're gonna ride / We're gonna ride / Ride like the one eyed jack of diamonds with the devil close behind / We're gonna ride

Reckless Love- Bleachers (Nevada's perspective)

So give me a chance to remember / What I've given up to defend ya / I would burn my dreams away / Just to stand in the thankless shadows of your reckless love

gold rush- Taylor Swift (Nevada's perspective)

What must it be like / To grow up that beautiful? / With your hair falling into place like dominos / I see me padding 'cross your wooden floors / With my [49ers] t-shirt hanging from the door / At dinner parties / I call you out on your contrarian shit / And the coastal town We wandered 'round had never / Seen a love as pure as it / And then it fades into the gray of my day old tea / 'Cause you know it could never be

Stardust- MIKA (Nevada's perspective)

I could put a little stardust in your eyes / Put a little sunshine in your life / Give me a little hope that you'll feel the same And I wanna know if I'll see you again / See you again Funny how the time is rushing by / And all the little things we leave behind / But even then, in everything I do / Is a little bit of me, a little bit of you / When will I see you again?

Addict- Silva Hound (I think this is from Hazbin Hotel lmao) (Nevada's perspective)

So what if I misbehave? It's what everybody craves / You already know / So come if you're feeling brave / And fancy yourself a mate

You want it, I got it, see what you like? / We could have it all by the end of the night / Your money and power, my sinful delight / A hit of that heaven and hell, a hell of a high

PART 2: "We are brief summer lightning (we are sparks that spiral upwards in the darkness in the night)"

As they spend more time together, their affection for each other grows. They'll deny that they were ever in love, but the history between them doesn't lie.

Wild as You- Cody Johnson (Cali's perspective)

You're like wakin' in the morning by a mountain stream / You're like watchin' an eagle floating on the breeze / And as I listen to you dreaming by my side / I wish I could call you mine

But you belong where the four winds blow / Out where the untamed mustang roam / Like a sweet summer rain passin' through / Never seen anything wild as you

Hymn for the Weekend- Coldplay (Cali's perspective)

Oh, angel sent from up above / You know you make my world light up / When I was down, when I was hurt / You came to lift me up / Life is a drink and love's a drug / Oh, now I think I must be miles up / When I was a river, dried up / You came to rain a flood

Summer Lightning- Garnet Rogers (Nevada's perspective)

We are brief as summer lightning / We are swift as swallow's flight // We are sparks that spiral upward in the darkness in the night / We are frost upon a window / We won't pass this way again / In the end only love remains

Peaceful Easy Feeling- The Eagles (Cali's perspective)

I like the way your sparkling earrings lay against your skin so brown / I wanna sleep with you in the desert tonight / With a billion stars all around

Death Valley Queen- Flogging Molly (Nevada's perspective)

Death valley queen where have you been? / Since they crowned you in glory / Filled your head with dreams / But it still goes to show in every desert / There's a rose that's bloomin' for all to be seen

House of Memories- Panic! At the Disco (Nevada's perspective)

Those thoughts of past lovers, they'll always haunt me / I wish I could believe you'd never wrong me / Then will you remember me in the same way as I remember you?

Baby, we built this house on memories / Take my picture now, shake it 'til you see it / And when your fantasies become your legacy Promise me a place / In your house of memories

Joy Ride- The Killers

(I showed enough restraint to wait until ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE to include a Killers song. Y'all should be proud /s )

It's gettin' close to sundown over the Sierra / Stranded on the heatwave, burnin' with desire / She was on the sidewalk, looking for a nightlife / We talked about the real things and drove into the fire

Headlights on the highway, the desert wind is howlin' / Rattlesnakes and romance are spillin' with the rain / Candy apple red dress, bleedin' when she kissed me / Heaven a ragtop, take away my pain

PART 3: "Just call me angel of the morning, angel..."

The relationship has lost its initial shine and turned tumultuous. Difference in personality emerge and disagreements become common. And yet, they still can't keep their hands off each other... maybe they both like the drama. They are both performers, after all...

The Way it Was- The Killers (Nevada's perspective)

I drove through the desert last night / I carried the weight of our last fight / Elvis singing "don't be cruel" / And I wonder if you feel it too / It's like we're going under

Somewhere outside the lonely Esmeralda county line / The question of my heart came to my mind

If I go on with you by my side / Can it be the way it was when we met? / Did you forget all about those golden nights?

Bend and Break- FM-84 feat. Ollie Wride (Cali's perspective)

Leave your reason at the door / 'Cause the writing's on the wall / The sunshine's gone / Maybe it's too soon to call / But we've both been here before , so I'm waiting on

No our music it ain't done, 'cause I found our revelry / In the highways and the dancehalls that filled our history

Angel of the Morning- Juice Newton (Nevada's perspective)

There'll be no strings to bind your hands / Not if my love can't bind your heart / There's no need to take a stand / For it was I who chose to start / I see no need to take me home / I'm old enough to face the dawn

Just call me angel of the morning, angel / Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby / Just call me angel of the morning, angel / Then slowly turn away from me

Body- Jordan Suaste (1st part- Cali's perspective; 2nd part- Nevada's perspective)

Body, let me see your body / Take off all your makeup and your clothes / Trust me, why don't you just trust me? / You're the only beauty, show me more

You're not a dime a dozen / Oh, your skin is golden / Let me show the whole damn world / You're one in a billion / The only thing you're missin' / Is some tape over that mouth

BABY SAID- Maneskin (Cali's perspective; Nevada is "baby")

Baby said "When you're talking, I go dead" "Shut your mouth, give me your head" (uh-uh-uh-uh) I know you really want to Baby said "Let me taste your silhouette" "You can talk between my legs" (uh-uh-uh-uh) I know you really want to

Faithless- The Airborne Toxic Event (Cali's perspective)

I wake up early my head ain't right / It's the fever dream of what we did last night / I flex my fingers and feel my age / Fifteen minutes till we take the stage / And I call you when I wake up drunk / My arms are cold and my head is sunk / They say the lights go up at ten PM / Just make sure you're okay by then

Neon Medusa- The Midnight (Either one tbh)

It's a highway, highway to the dark / And a neon medusa's got your heart / Sweet canyon lullabies, don't look straight into its eyes

Alone Together- Fall Out Boy (Both)

Cut me off, I lost my track / It's not my fault, I'm a maniac / It's not funny anymore, no it's not / My heart is like a stallion / They love it more when it's broken / Do you wanna feel beautiful, do you wanna? / I'm outside the door, invite me in / So we can go back and play pretend

and also

This is the road to ruin, and we're starting at the end

PART 4: "I only love you when I'm drunk"

Fast-forward to today (well, the past few decades, really), and they're THOSE TWO drama-Filled Frenemies With Benefits (although the benefits are debatable at this point).

Jilted Lovers and Broken Hearts- The Killers (Nevada's perspective)

Why did you roll your dice, show your cards? / Jilted lovers and broken hearts / You're out on the wind and I'm still waiting to be found

Yeah, will I ever win? / Only time will tell / You've gotta suffer to remember how well / That our ideals never really marched in time / That's the bottom line / Jilted lovers and broken hearts

Getting Even- White Lies (Cali's perspective)

If you're getting even, you're getting even / Trying to get even, better start believing / I can forgive and we can forget / Even after all this wrestling of conscience / I can forgive and we can forget / Even after all this love and other nonsense

Love You When I'm Drunk- MIKA (Both)

Don't get me wrong, last night I didn't change my mind / It was the drink, it was leaving me blind / And when I kissed you, it was such a big mistake / A couple drinks, that's the chance that I take

We All Get Lonely- The Wrecks feat. TOMI (Nevada's perspective)

You're so in love with self-destruction / You're bringing me down

Why'd you come over? / Are you sober? / Are you playing around?

You touch me gently / But it's empty / You should figure it out

Don't say, say you love me, need me / Until you've had your fun / Use me when you get lonely / We all get lonely / You're not the only one

FUCK ABOUT IT- Waterparks (Nevada's perspective)

I like you but I need some space / I like you kinda far away / It's not hard to kill a day lookin' at your face / I like you but I need some room / Been givin' me your attitude / It doesn't always stay that way / I hate the aftertaste

Ancient History- Set it Off (Both)

Damn, pick up the phone, I know I'm drunk again / And you, know my intentions 'cause it's two a.m. / It's fun and games until we both get hurt / We play with fire 'cause we like the way it burns / No use in patching up a sinking ship / This is the last time we do this, baby / This is the last time you taste my lips

I know, I know how to drive you wild / You know, you know how to make me smile / But I need you to be / My ancient history

I know, I know who you really are / You know, you know how to break my heart / But I need you to be / My ancient history

Walk Me Home- P!nk (California's perspective-- despite everything that's happened between them, he still goes to Nevada when he's hurt and lonely)

Walk me home in the dead of night / I can't be alone with all that's on my mind / So say you'll stay with me tonight / 'Cause there's so much wrong going on outside

Till It Shines- Bob Seger (Nevada's perspective; reflecting on California's loneliness)

Storm the walls around this prison / Leave the inmates, free the guards / Deal me up another future / From some brand new deck of cards

Take the chip off of my shoulder / Smooth out all the lines / Take me out among the rustling pines / 'Til it shines / Oh 'til it shines

Like an echo down a canyon / Never coming back as clear / Lately I just judge the distance / Not the words I hear

and this part:

See the rich man lost and lonely / Watch him as he dines / Sitting there just testing all the wines / 'Til it shines

AND OF COURSE...

Waking Up in Vegas- Katy Perry

I think this one speaks for itself, BUT...

Spare me your freakin' dirty looks / Now don't blame me / You want to cash out / And get the hell outta town / Don't be a baby / Remember what you told me

Shut up and put your money where your mouth is / That's what you get for waking up in Vegas / Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes now / That's what you get for waking up in Vegas

[kabuunderscore]

Had this on my mind whilst I was revisiting the Whole Cake arc and reading up on the wiki on the Charlotte family- (may correct myself the more of it I watch since I'm still only up to the cracker fight right now) Also bit of a TW because I make a few touchy sort of theories, as well as SPOILERS!!!

Since Perospero is the eldest child son, it makes me wonder if he had to sacrifice alot of his childhood taking care of his other siblings? None of the Charlottes grew up with a father figure since Linlin basically dumps each one of her husbands once she gives birth to a new kid, and with the ever growing family there's definitely not much love and personal attention being shared around, so I wouldn't be surprised if Peros felt to take up that role at times?

The thought was born when I read on the wiki how Peros was good with kids, probably comes second nature to him with- once again, being the eldest child.

Right now, Pound is the only confirmed ex-husband of Linlin (I hope we get to meet more in the future, that'd be cool) and those brief interactions between Cracker, Brulee and him keep making me THINK like... It's so sad how much Pound still wants to be part of the family, even to the other children who he's not even related to by blood (adressing Cracker with a cutesy honorific "Cracker-kun", getting excited when at the idea that Linlin may still want something to do with him) Like brother STAYED ON THE ISLAND even after being forbidden from seeing his kids and apparently kept up with the Charlotte family affairs obviously- people don't give the guy the credit he deserves as a dad

Cracker seems to have inherited the whole hatred for father figures/only blood relatives having value mindset from Big Mom, but BRULEE accidentally slips up and calls Pound 'stepdad', which COMPLETELY caught me off gaurd. That read to me like she might have yearned for a father figure of some sort throughout her life? It definitely felt that way.

One thing I found super unnerving was during one of Linlin's hunger pangs in which she kills Moscato in a blind rage, when Jimbe finally calms her down (by the way, whatever happened to the croquembouche the chefs were making at the time as well? I hope it didn't go to waste) When Linlin comes back to herself, Jimbe doesn't attempt to explain what she'd just done- killed her own son.

Her hunger pangs are obviously a reoccuring incident, does nobody tell her about what she'd done when she comes out of it? Is it all swept under the rug each time?? There's obviously a reason why they let her stay unaware- probably to protect her from spiraling?

I'm instantly reminded of when she ate all her friends and mother Caramel at her birthday party. If she were to remember all the things she'd done during a hunger pang, she'd probably shut down or have a breakdown of some kind.

I can't help but feel bad for Linlin sometimes with her almost childish view on alot of things, like her skewed view on what a family should be (which is definitely due to her being basically groomed into becoming a pirate... A dark take but from what I've seen, as well as mother Caramel lowkey trafficking her can you blame me) or how Caesar thinks of her 'dream' as being impossible. She reallly does feel like a confused little girl who wants her mom sometimes.

This is all over the place but I needed to get this off my chest because I've been cooking for DAYS I keep thinking of the funny pirate anime

[sibyl-of-space]

oOOOOooohhhhhhhh i get it now. i have Identified the Problem that has caused the most recent amadeus-related crisis/spiral/whatever you want to call it.

there are 5-ish "roles" that i have taken on as a solo dev:

project manager

musician/sound director

programmer/implementation engineer

writer/narrative lead

artist/art director

and for each i THOUGHT i had figured out how to tackle them.

project management: I've had some experience managing collaborative projects (GBA collab album, mystery jam game), I also solicited advice from other indie devs I met at Seattle Indies Expo, and I *also* applied what I learned about how we manage projects in facilities at my day job using Asana and have applied that to Amadeus. I very consciously treated this as a skill to learn and taking that specific skill seriously has helped a lot.

music: ...I straight up went to grad school for this. I took like a billion units every semester so I could learn as much as possible about composition AND mixing/production. This is the one thing I actually have a strong background in. I have the skillset and I also have People I can ask for feedback and advice. The music is lowkey going to carry this whole project.

programming: I went into this knowing full well I have exactly One semester of Unity/C# under my belt and have no idea what I am doing. I have experience learning basic HTML and JavaScript and have reverse engineered most of Ghost Trick's code via ROMhacking, so I have a sort of janky skillset, but it's very amateur and I knew that. I have asked SO many questions to people who are more experienced. KNOWING that this is my weakest suit has let me ask for help when I need it, and also accept that even the most polished possible form of this game is still going to be jank as fuck. That's fine. My #vision will still come through.

writing: the whole reason I set aside an entire month to just focus on the Mystery Jam game was because I knew I needed more experience writing, and specifically writing mystery. I've spoiled the whole game to two different people who have writing experience in order to bounce ideas and get feedback. I've asked for workflow advice from a third person with writing experience. Identifying this as a weakness has helped me focus on improving it, and because of that I am really happy with where it's at right now.

Which leads us to....

...art.

My problem with art is that as of about 2 years ago, I was much more confident in my art than I was in basically anything else except music, because I have drawn stuff my whole life and have a shitload of informal practice at it. So I focused very heavily on the other stuff that was very obviously a weakness.

But, as we approach the final months of Go Time to finish the first episode... I'm like, hm, it turns out that the art and art direction of a visual novel are kind of important.

I *like* all of the assets I've drawn for the currently existing demo, but there are specific things about the overall look I don't quite like, and there is a specific metanarrative Thing that I have been trying to evoke with what I'm doing visually and I feel like sticking to that is at odds with making assets that look and "feel" right.

Basically I haven't really thought as much about art direction as I should have since finishing the demo because I kinda figured I could coast on the fact I consider myself a pretty good artist. I can make things that look Nice. But now that I've worked hard at my other areas of weaknesses, the fact I haven't really sat down with my art direction in the past 4-5 months is really starting to become obvious.

All this to say.

My "assignment" for this afternoon is to sit outside listening to all the tracks I've written (including new WIP ones no one but me has heard yet CUZ THEYRE AWESOME im SO excited about the new tracks im writing for this) and reading through my revised narrative with certain finalized plot points and concepts, and just sketching out visually what the game Should Look Like. I am almost certain I can still use the assets I've already drawn, like the sprites and backgrounds and icons and such, but I may edit them differently, or add to them, or otherwise change something about them. I just need to make some choices because I'm feeling stuck and I need to get un-stuck if I am going to finish this game AND I AM DETERMINED TO DO SO.

[certified-johnny-marr-fangirl]

Ok so lowkey serious post bc i need to say stuff bc i feel super insecure and sad and journaling isnt helping

If you dont want to read a insecure anxious rant about my zits dont read it idc i mostly just need to get feelings out.....

So I have always been extremely insecure about the way I looked. My friends and family have always thought I had everything, because of my blue eyes, blonde hair and naturally tall and thin physique. Despite the features I own that align with beauty standards for young women, I have always felt lacking in the facial department. I've had acne since I was around nine or ten. This acne was never and still isn't exactly *severe*, but it isn't small, and it makes my skin look bumpy, oily, angry, and what I see most, ugly. So many girls and women around my age have acne and look beautiful with it, but I am yet to see that beauty in myself. I have tried different skincare products, diets, and such, but none seem to fix it. I feel like I have to look in a mirror every couple of minutes because the stress and possible humiliation of having a zit I don't know about makes me spiral. I feel like I'll never find somebody who will love me after I wash my concealer off. I'm told I'm overly anxious about this, which I believe, but then I ask how to relieve that stress, and I'm told, "Just clear your skin up, and you'll be less anxious!" Like OH MY GOD SHUT UPPPPP ok i feel done ranting bc i feel a little better already

[marathedemonoverlord]

You know maybe cause I'm just not used to playing games where pretty people simp for you but anyone else feel like the Demon Bros only like MC because it's the first time they had to see a human as an equal? Or they're projecting their fondness/human fetish on the only available mortal?

Like I feel like their proclamations of love are only because they're like the "Born Sexy Yesterday" trope where they think they love MC because they never had much exposure to humans and if they did it's the first time they had to see a human as an equal or treat them like a person. Like humans were probably just pets and tools to them- when MC comes in they're forced to face consequences if they use them like that so they have to see them as a person and grow to like them because they're the only mortal human available.

I mean like seriously when they say they love you it's more like "Mmm you're naive." Like the only one who probably did have experience or understands how love comes to be is Solomon but everyone else I feel like only like you at first cause you're the closest thing to a fantasy ideal they have. There's probably other humans out there who matches them perfectly but since MC is the only mortal human they're around they like them the most. Opinions tend to change when your horizons broaden you know? How do we know if they actually spent the time to see other humans they don't end up preferring them more cause they have more in common with them than MC?

Also they may be immortal but they're still really immature (And I mean all of them Diavolo Lucifer and Barbatos included; The amount of years you live do not constitute wisdom-) so like... How do we know they're not ignorant enough to think they love MC when in reality it's just a puppy crush or projection/translating their feelings into affection for MC when in reality they actually want to know humans more?? What if it's not any of that and for the brothers it's because they lowkey wanted their baby sister that way and now MC is a "pseudo sister with benefits"??

- Eugh just the thought just made me shudder (thanks Lilith now I have another reason to hate you)... Anyways maybe I've been looking at those Replaced MC AUs more and now I'm lowkey feeling more insecure than before lol.

I gotta find some memes to look at now before I spiral.

[minimooberry]

List 5 facts about a favorite sim of yours, and send this to 10 simblrs whose sims you adore ✌️💗💗

ELIJAH RAI DEVI.*

Elijah is the epitome of daddy issues, but honestly he's got every single possible issue by the time he's old enough to drink. This poor man is going through it constantly 😭

Elijah almost got kidnapped when he was a week old and his mom Anya was so out of it she lowkey stabbed the guy and was so guilty that she just called his dad Asher and told them not to bother coming back home, that she was gonna start moving everything they needed into the house they were planning to move into anyway and to just drive there after his shift.

Elijah was born when Anya was 17 and Asher was 21. She had just barely finished high school by the time he was born and only started college when he was around 3 years old. Since his dad worked much longer shifts than his mom, he was always closer to Anya and Asher.

He met his best friend Roxy on the first day of kindergarten when they were paired together for an art project. They stayed friends until she was killed when they were 16 years old by her father.

Elijah is 8 years older than his sister Aathira and 12 years older than his brother JJ. He actually named Aathira lol

his addiction is like lowkey one of the only things he really remembers from being a teenager. most of elijah's memories are being high, hanging out with roxy, arguing with his dad, and being appointed the third parent to his little siblings.

and roxy dying, but he honestly considers that the end of his teenage years because he runs away and joins the military the second he can

and for like a while anya and asher don't notice because they have a one year old and a five year old at home that constantly need attention and elijah's always been like. independent

elijah looks older too. by the time he's like 14 that guy can grow a beard, so no one really looks at him weird when he buys stuff. it doesn't really start affecting his entire life until he's 15 and he does heroine for the first time, but that just spirals. he's always mad at his dad and that he talks so much shit but doesn't even blink when he's gone for hours, he's mad at roxy's dad for being fucking creepy and making her feel uncomfortable in her own house, he's mad at the town because nothing good ever fucking happens in it, and he's mad at himself for being so dependent on something he can't handle a few days without losing it. he hates being sober because he's literally just the embodiment of anger.

he runs away at 16 and the second he turns 18 he joins the military because he thinks that if he dies in battle it would be a 'good' way to die. better than overdosing.

OOKAY HAPPY STUFF NOW

he meets nilaani when he's 23 while he's drunkenly venting to him while he's serving her at tha bar and they eventually have a marriage of convenience (fake marriage) to appease her family

the tattoo on his hand in the henna that nilaani had on their wedding day. she admitted to him that she felt that he viewed her more as a burden than anything because it was her family that was the driving factor behind their marriage. elijah's like 'wtf, you're the coolest, smartest girl i've ever met dummy' and the next day he shows her the tattoo. that's when they have their first actual kiss 😋😋

when they find out that nilaani was having twins, she names their daughet lakshmi after the goddess lakshmi, and since at that point they didn't know that jj was still alive, he names their son jayden. their nicknames are lucky and jj 😓😓

[nomsfaultau]

(Potentially) Daily ask №6

Music edition!

Have you got a Fault playlist? Or a playlist for any of your works for that matter?

If the fault crew were songs, which songs would they be?

What style of music would each character listen to? Despite the fact that they probably don't have much time for it on the run

Enemy (the arcane version) animatic of fault. Yes or no. I won't be able to make it just got the idea

Slowly pushes Welcome home, Honey, Revived, Injustice/Voices (I couldn't choose cause voices is more epic but it's not rly about him is it) and Doomsday towards the crew just to see the reactions (presumably while explaining the concept of alternate universes)

Also update on the whole being afraid of insects and reading fault. I might have accidentally stopped being afraid of bees- which I think is an amazing confusing side effect

I use randomly generated playlists on YouTube when doing anything, so not really.

Got this one down! In this post that (I'll probably also rb) I discuss the top 3 songs I have for each character. But for bonus, I also like Sugar Pills by idkhbtfm for Phil since it captures his confusion/obsession/spiraling in the amnestic arc; Envy Green by the Arcadian Wild for Wilbur and his relationship with humanity; Ghosts by Danny Schmidt for Tommy. Not so much the part about killing the guy cheating on his wife, but it absolutely captures that guilt and self loathing, plus the extra juice of Tommy being both the hangman and the gallows. "If you've never touched someone you love/It'll burn them if you try"; and a general Razzmatazz by idkhbtfm for the Hallway Massacre/Foundation in general. I think it's about fame but it's also about fascism so idk. I mean the Foundation notoriously doesn't have a dictator but it checks off basically everything else.

Philza is probably really deep into some genre that died centuries ago and is like 'oh yeah you've never heard of it....it's really underground..' and people think he's a music snob but literally an avalanche wiped out the one village doing it, erasing all records. Tubbos' is very hectic given the Hivemind. There's definitely Disney princess songs in there for Jasmine which everyone just grits their teeth (..bees?) and deals with. Some old stuff from the 50s. Tends towards lowkey stuff. Tubbo canonically is bad at singing. The Blade canonically is a Swiftie. Or will be once that part is out. He avoids violent music bc the voices will ensure he literally never gets it out of his head. Tommy feels like he mostly listens to pop hits that are all on the billboard 100 list. Wilbur goes for literally anything. His exposure to music is mostly like. Walmart shopping tunes while he's robbing the place, so he doesn't exactly have an understanding of just how much is out there. But it adores creating its own music, and sings to calm itself down and control the void. Phil discovered the love and nurtured it by helping Wilbur get and learn a variety of instruments. The first was a woodwind Phil carved from cane. Wilbur's last mentioned instrument was a guitar with everyone's names written on it. Well. Besides the stuff the Foundation did...

ohhhhhhh yes. I can deffo see pieces of it. "Your words up on the wall as you're praying for my fall/And the laughter in the halls and the names that I've been called" with a shot of all the dehuminizing language used on the anomalies smeared in Tommy's Red, "The road is long, so put the pedal into the floor The enemy on my trail, my energy unavailable" capturing their constant fleeing, and just that leaving with "I'll never be a saint". Mmmmm delicious.

Mmmm dangerous games you're playing here with void madness, but I'll allow it. Welcome Home: Tommy finds it crushingly relatable. The part about colors turning Grey is a gut punch to him. I mean what hahhaha that guy is so depressed, he clearly can't be me.

Honey: Tubbo is just like. Muffin this other Tubbo clearly has nothing going wrong in their life- his? huh ok. Wait he isn't a bee?? Why is he so obsessed with honey then???? That's thievery. We're gonna sue.

Revived: Wilbur: .....this guy sounds like an edgy lil muffin. (Phil in the distance: mate you are an edgy lil muffin!) Shut up. Why is he so mad about dying? Like kinda inevitable with my -our?- lifestyle. And does this imply I'm going to die soon? (Phil: NOT ON MY WATCH). Whatever. The part about everything being mine sounds nice tho.

Injustice: At first The Blade is like uhhh this guy sounds a LOT like The Blood God and is on way too good of terms with the voices, but the line about yearning for peace wins him over, reframing it as purposeful violence in his eyes. He's entranced with the idea of committing violence as himself, almost.

Voices: The Blade: man it's like having a double dose of madness! Guys why can't you be cool like these voices? You never harmonize! Get good! These are clearly the superior voices. Also...am I really a scrawny pink haired nerd in that world?? bruuuuuuuh...

Doomsday: Philza: is it justice? I don't really know the context, but- (gets smacked by Tubbo) -ah, murder is illegal, even if it's rather effective at solving most prob-(SMACK) Ow! Muffining hell mate...I thought you were the one preaching that violence isn't the answer.

[mercuriians]

May I request a femreader x Sakura (Naruto) story? Reader has a dream of a small retelling of Rapunzel. Reader climbs Sakura's hair and is happy to talk to her. The story doesn't advance in reader's dream as Reader just happily talks to Sakura. She then wakes up from the dream, surprised to see Sakura waking Reader up.

princess in pink

content info — fem! reader, fluffy drabble, lowkey a disney crossover.

word count — 1.0k words.

author’s note — thank you for the request anon!! i apologize for taking an actual eternity to write this 🙁, my sense of motivation was not kind to me. however, the good news is that it’s back now! this story is a little on the shorter side but i hope you guys enjoy it still. :)

all around the town, there’s been word of a beautiful, fair young girl who can only be found within a spiraling tower.

it's a myth as common as can be, having survived a decade of being passed around and exchanged like a silver coin. most of the people believed it, of course, ever since the village's princess mysteriously went missing, but there were always those who remained unaffected by all the talk. "people will say anything nowadays," they'd say with a scoff before proceeding on with their usual day-to-day business. you, like the majority, stood firm by the myth. however, unlike the majority, your spirit was fierce, unrestrained, and above all, inquisitive. in your eyes, everything was a challenge waiting to be beaten, a puzzle waiting to be understood. so, naturally, you vowed to prove to everyone that the story was in fact real, and that there was someone who genuinely needed help.

because there was no way that the village's princess was dead.

two days after you turned eighteen, you finally ventured outside the town walls, carrying nothing with you but a lamp. you were dressed simply, wearing your weathered boots and an onyx cloak that ensured you stayed hidden amidst the shadows of the night. you'd also stolen your father's dagger just before you left, figuring that you might as well be prepared for anything. you were adventurous, but you weren't daft. safety wasn't guaranteed when you were essentially leaving behind the sole place you'd ever known. but then again, you suppose, that was part of what made this escapade so exhilarating.

so you set off on your awaited journey, not knowing what to expect and yet expecting everything all the same.

but, after four days of searching all over the land, scribbling unprecedented areas into your little map, and relying on the surprisingly delicious berry bushes you were fortunate enough to stumble upon, maybe the one thing you didn’t anticipate was the overwhelming long, thick, silky rope of rosy hair dangling over the grand tower’s open window, its ends touching the grass-covered grounds of the clearing. your eyes widened.

there was someone inside that tower—the princess.

after taking a brief but thorough look at the building, you deduced that there was no other way to get in, so you started walking towards the rope of pink hair. carefully, you set foot on it, steadying yourself as best you could. a few seconds passed, and with a sharp inhale, you felt yourself being lifted, the hair being used as leverage as you got closer and closer to the window. voluntarily, you willed yourself not to look down.

it was only a minute later that you found yourself face-to-face with the lost princess herself, your mouth completely agape as you took a moment to process several truths all at once. the rumors were in fact true—of course they were—and the princess was alive and well, and wow were her emerald eyes always so captivating—

"you've come to save me," she says a little breathlessly, gaze clearly bright with joy. "after all these years, i've been found! please, tell me your name."

the sound of her smooth voice is enough to shake you out of your stupor. clearing your throat and disregarding your momentary embarrassment, you offer her a smile as politely as possible before bending into a bow. "(y/n), princess sakura. i'm glad that i've finally located you. the village has been in a deep state of unrest ever since you disappeared."

for a moment, sakura's smile tightens, but she regains her composure so swiftly that you question whether you were merely hallucinating. "i'm sorry to have caused all the worry. it's all a bit of a long story, but i'll make sure to tell you it later. how did you find me?"

you explain the details of your journey to the princess, and she nods along attentively, her eyes rarely leaving yours. her soft giggle wafts through the air when you comment on how the berries you found lined up along the dirt path were a delicious, convenient snack. "when we get back to the village, remind me to bake you a blueberry pie," she hums pleasantly. "think of it as my way of saying thank you."

you can't stop the way a rosy blush dusts over your cheeks. “it’s alright, really,” you protest weakly. “i’m okay.”

sakura’s smile drops a bit, a more stern expression passing over her face. “are you refusing a gift from the princess herself?” she asks with a fair sense of sass, her lithe fingers curling around her hip for good measure. it’s rather cute, especially with the pout she’s now maybe unintentionally wearing, but you keep that observation to yourself.

immediately you shake your head, a slightly nervous smile ghosting across your lips. “not at all, i promise,” you assure her. “thank you kindly, my lady.”

the two of you talk for a long while, exchanging remarks until it seems like time has worn itself thin. it never registers in your mind that the nature of the reality eventually grows hazy, almost as if the moment has been frozen in place like a lake during winter. really, all you’re able to focus on is the princess in front of you, with her soft rosy hair and easy smile. her scent is delicate, somewhat like strawberries, but there’s a sense of a kind yet assertive strength that sharpens her gaze. it’s one that somehow gives you an impression of what the princess thinks of you—as equals, as people who stand on the same ground. it’s a nice, comforting feeling.

but then the world starts to shift, and you start to feel someone shaking you awake. that’s when you realize that your reality—the one you’d been living in before—has ultimately never even existed. light pours into your line of vision, and with a small groan, you look up. fortunately, a familiar pair of emerald eyes is there to greet you.

“hey there, sleepyhead,” sakura laughs, fondly flicking you on the forehead. “nap time’s over. did you dream of anything?”

[packedandstrapped]

can u give me ideas on how to come out? i’m 22 and known i was a lesbian since i was around 14-15 and have been too scared to come out because of my parents. i value what my parents say and ik they aren’t going to accept me so when i come out to them, they’re gonna say they disown me and kick me out or some other shit, but it’s gonna make me spiral into a depression (haha). but i can’t keep living a lie man living like this is hard especially when my parents keep trying to set me up with men. when i was in highschool, i tried so hard to give them hints i didn’t like men, i never dated them, never talked about them, hell even begged my mom to wear a suit to prom, but she told me it was “un lady like” and made me wear a dress. i just love my family so much and i don’t want them to hate me but living this lie has made me hate myself. no matter what i do it’s a lose lose situation. this has caused me so many problems. i literally use to have an eating disorder because of how much anxiety of my parents finding out i was gay would give me. i’ve tried to convince my self to like men and i just can’t. i feel like something is so so wrong with me and i can’t. it makes me not wanna live anymore i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. i know this is lowkey cringy to be telling someone all this, but i just really really need advice on this because i just can’t keep living everyday a lie.

Hey friend- please feel free to DM off anon if you want to talk. I will chat with you about this stuff literally any time.

There's nothing wrong with who you are. Your message feels like something I could have written at 19-20 years old. When you said you value what your parents say, I felt that in my core. I want to be able tell you that everyone comes around and they'll totally understand and accept you. But sometimes it's not that way. And the people that claim to love us the most can only give that love when we fit into the box they've created for us. This might sound hokey, but reading The Four Agreements really helped me identify the space between my parents ideas and my own. I will send you a copy if you're interested in reading.

It's no wonder that you're experiencing so much anxiety and worry about coming out. For a lot of us, coming out as gay to our parents is the first time we truly see them disappointed in us. There's a crushing weight to our parents thinking we're actively trying to hurt them by living our lives authentically. I hope that's not the case for you.

If I could do it all over again, I would journal about it for a few days. I'd practice the important phrases I want to get out. I would focus on the simple message I wanted to send rather than trying to navigate their feelings. I would try to think about the various reactions I might get and have one or two general ideas of how I could respond neutrally. And despite all of this, I'm sad to say even though I would have felt more in control, I'd still be just as wounded coming out of it. I understand the fear you have in disappointing your parents because it's been a reality for me for almost twenty years. They've never let up on reminding me that while they're proud of my accomplishments, it's despite my otherness rather than a celebration of what a queer person can do. They refuse to use the word "wedding" or "wife" and they give us a room with two twin beds when we go to visit. The microaggressions never cease. What's changed now is how much of myself I let them see. Now it's about what makes me comfortable instead of existing around them in a box that never fit right. It's still hard- I regularly grieve the relationship I wish I had with my parents. But as I've aged, I've realized that my friends are my family. They are they ones that have been there and show up for me unconditionally. They're the ones I have turned to when I needed a place to stay, a job, or a listening ear. They get it.

I don't know how you feel most comfortable communicating with your parents, but think about what it would look like to say the words out loud or in a text. Try not to feel bad about telling them this information. You are being truthful and honest and that's what is important. You are giving them the gift of seeing you for who you really are; to celebrate you in the way you want to be seen in this world. Don't worry about doing it the wrong way because sometimes there just isn't a defined right way. I know it's scary but the sooner you get it off your chest, the sooner you can fall into the comfort of your real self.

Come back or DM me if you need anything, friend. We need you here.

[riftwalker-limbro]

These are just some vague thoughts but you got me thinking, so:

We don't know how long the Drifter spent on the Zariman before ending up in Duviri (I feel like Quite A While since Duviri seems to be overall timeloopy and "death works differently" there, so I'm extrapolating that all the aging that Drifter has done they did on the Zariman)

Melica is comparable to a ghost or someone with dementia, repeating old patterns they aren't aware no longer match the world around them. Your task during Zariman bounties is to treat her with kindness and match your reality to hers, so to say, and it seems to be a standard procedure for the Holdfasts

I feel like these two things together could've led to Drifter treating Ordis in a much more human way and Ordis responding in kind (of course assuming Drifter's Zariman also had a surviving but damaged Melica)

Okay that's all I've got but now I'm just rotating in place about Cephalons and the Ordis-Drifter dynamic and how Operator And Ordis Should Be More Friends Than This, Dang It

(This is space-ninja-fashion-show btw, sideblogs just do be doing sideblog things)

OAGH i love where your brain is going... canonically vaguely-douchy operator (anyone who isn't nice to ordis to me is like... why? why do you not like this broken warrior-machine-abomination... /half-joking i love him but i can see how he gets on people's nerves sometimes)

i haven't gotten around to do zariman bounties since That One Fateful Night... but god that sounds so nice. i've worked a tiny bit with people with dementia once and it (the disease, the thought that it could happen to me, not the people) scares the hell out of me but lowkey teaching the players that is very nice of warframe

okay taking your idea for a spin - dyou reckon the drifter would have at first been like oh shit. this cephalon sounds mildly borked. i better treat him nice like melica. and it took them a while to realize that ordis isn't as borked as she is? and how one night they just go. wait. you're actually like more than halfway fine aren't you. and ordis- yeah the idea is spinning wildly out of control thank you for the contribution to my brainworms. they will feed off of this for a Good While.

i desperately need to know how drifter & drifter's!ordis met now. god. because in that timeline... maybe there *were* other tenno who did take the man in the wall's deal, and the Old War went on as normal, just without the child who would become the Drifter. maybe one of the tenno has something happen to them & their cephalon ordis is left to float around a bit uselessly? maybe he doesn't want to report back because he failed his task of keeping them safe (not his task but that doesn't stop him from taking it on) and he ends up in a guilt-spiral? agh