#and i'm. scared of the photos on my phone judging me.

[nexus-nebulae]

i hate when you're like. so aware that a delusion is a delusion. you know its a delusion. you know its not really what's going on. but you still can't convince your brain otherwise

[drvscarlett]

Let him cook

Charles Leclerc x Masterchef contestant!reader

Series Part: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

A/N: Got this idea because the masterchef trophy is similar to the Australian GP trophy. This is going to be a series

Charles_Leclerc posted a new photo

liked by CarlosSainz55, PierreGasly, and 365,000 others.

Charles_Leclerc Add professional chef to the list

User1 aint no way you cooked this

User2 nice try Charles but we all saw that pasta video

CarlosSainz55 mate drop the # of the private chef you hired, these look delicious

Charles_Leclerc I told you that I made this myself CarlosSainz55 Lies!!!!

PierreGasly since when did you learn how to make coq au vin???

Charles_Leclerc not you too PierreGasly you should invite me sometimes so I can judge your cooking

Y/NCooks posted a photo

YNCooks last date night before i enter masterchef australia. credits to the boyfriend for the lovely photos

Friend1 Y/N i know this is your dream for a while now. I hope you win. We will cheer for you our next masterchef australia!

YNCooks awww stop! ur making me cry

User1 OMG she is finally competing, goodluck Y/N!

User2 Y/N always talk about how its her dream to enter masterchef, I'm gonna watch it everyday and hope she wins it!

User3 Goodluck Y/N! I hope you become the next masterchef australia!!!

Mystery Box challenge episode

There was a building reputation in the kitchen that you are one of the strong homecooks of the season. After winning the past 2 mystery challenges, you were extremely determined to do well and seek for a third streak. The mystery box today was all about italian cooking, a cuisine that you have been comfortable due to the close ties of your boyfriend being signed to an Italian team.

"And what do we have here with you today Miss Y/N" Matt Preston asked as he approached the work table together with George Colambris "You seem rather comfortable and in your own zone. Its like an ordinary Tuesday date night"

You gave a small chuckle with that mention "That's actually pretty on point of you to say as Tuesday is my date night with the boyfriend"

"Ah so maybe that's why you are so inspired because you are in love"George teased.

"Well I have to admit that there is a little pressure to do well in this challenge or my boyfriend's family will get mad at me"you quipped back a reply.

The judges suddenly leaned a little interested to learn more about your personal life, "So your boyfriend is italian?"

"He is not but he might as well be. He spends a lot of time there"

"It must be hard to not see him a lot since you are here competing" Matt says

"It's a price we are willing to pay. He has been supportive of my dream as I am with him" you gave an encouraging smile as you continue to chop the sweet potatoes.

"We hope to meet that boyfriend of yours because he is one lucky man because that dish looks delicious!" George says before they left the station.

Somewhere in Bahrain, Charles Leclerc is grinning upon watching the replay of the episode. He was beyond proud of what you have achieved as a contestant in MasterChef. He wished that he could do more to express his support towards you but you have an agreement with him to keep things lowkey for the meantime. It was a reasonable decision as he didn't want to overshadow your career but it was nice to know that you two are a private thing but never a secret.

He was so engrossed to repeating the boyfriend clip that he didn't notice that Carlos snuck up beside him.

"What are you watching there?" Carlos asked his teammate

"Oh its nothing" Charles says as he immediately exited the Youtube app "I didn't notice you there, you scared me"

"If you weren't too into your phone then you would have noticed me calling you" Carlos explained "What are you watching on your phone that got you smiling like that?"

"Nothing, I just saw an ad"

"Hmm sure an ad" Carlos was pretty sure that Charles was watching MasterChef but he couldn't care anymore to ask which country because there was too many so he decided to just let it go "Cmon Fred is asking for us, were late for a meeting"

"Carlos! Why didn't you start with that?"

Cake challenge

You were exhausted because you spent the early hours of the morning watching the Jeddah GP. It was a thrilling race to see Charles bag his first podium of the season so you can say that its worth it. Besides, you were able to talk to him after the race so it sweetens the deal even more.

Filming begun for MasterChef and the judges brought out balloons for the mystery box challenge.

"Your challenge today is to make the most imaginative and creative birthday cake that you ever had" Gary explained "The pantry is filled with all the cake flavors you can ever imagine so be creative and show us what you've got"

Baking has never been your strongest suit. It was all about precision and measurements as small increments can make a huge difference. Today, you were determined to do well and you wanted to use the podium finish of Charles for the cake.

It was a struggle to bake the cake, cool it, and pipe it in under 60 minutes. You felt the pressure getting under your nerves as your hands started shaking when you were piping the cake details with 10 minutes left. There was a sigh of relief when you finished just 5 seconds away from the judges calling the time.

There were plenty of beautiful cakes in the room so it was a shocker for you that the judges called you in front to present your cake.

"Judges what I have for you today is a three layer cake with the raspberry,almond, and pistachio with chocolate to seperate the layers and a lemon buttercream frosting."

"You told us you can't bake, that seems like a lie" George says as he cuts through the cake "Look at that layers"

"The layers are actually inspired by the italian flag, its an homage to the boyfriend. Its actually a cake that I made thinking about him" you explained.

"That is simply gorgeous. The cake is very moist and the balance with the flavors is that its not too sweet or nothing overpowering. Your boyfriend is a lucky lucky lucky man to be baked a cake like this" George complimented.

"Does your boyfriend cook?"Matt asked as he took a bite

"Oh God no. I have to cook or else the kitchen will be on fire"you laughed "But I can't drive so maybe that's his payback"

"You seem to show the beautiful dynamics of your relationship when you cook something inspired by him. I wish you two the best" Matt's genuine comment was a heartwarming moment.

Its unfortunate that you didn't win this challenge but you were able to showcase your support for your boyfriend.

Melbourne GP meets MasterChef

This was another challenge as you were elected as a team captain for the second team challenge. You were extremely nervous when you were transported with your team mates from the blue kitchen to an unknown location. It was even more nerve-wracking after you've realized where you are.

"Welcome to the Albert Park where the Australian Grand Prix is underway for this weekend" Matt introduced "Your challenge is to prepare two dishes: a pasta and a fish dish to be served to the talented drivers in Formula 2"

There was a little sigh of relief as you were dealing with the Formula 2 drivers. It was a lot of weight on the shoulder if you will be serving food to your boyfriend.

"The practice sessions will be starting in a few minutes. You have 90 minutes to prepare your dish and an hour to serve them"

All you know was that you started organizing the team to put them in charge of the dishes that you will be making today. You cross your fingers that the color red brings luck to your team today.

Meanwhile, the paddock was buzzing with cameras and Charles immediately noticed that there were some new film crews around the Formula 2 drivers. His eyes did a double take after he recognized the face of three familiar judges he often sees on MasterChef Australia.

"What's going on? Isn't that MasterChef Australia judges?" Charles quizzed

"That's MasterChef Australia, they have this team challenges and they will be feeding the Formula 2 drivers" Silvia answered as she was informed earlier that morning about the extra exposure in the paddock today.

"Why Formula 2? Why not us?" Charles whined

"If you want then you could go ask Ollie for food" Silvia suggested

That sets a lightbulb moment for Charles as he excused himself to talk to the young driver. He will not miss the opportunity to taste the cooking of his secret girlfriend and support her in doing her craft.

It puzzled Ollie Bearman to see that Charles has been looking for him once the practice session was over. He was even more confused by his request.

"So you want me to get you food?" Ollie asked "Doesn't Ferrari have a catering?"

"Its not just food, its the MasterChef Australia food" Charles explained without giving out too much information "I just love the show okay?"

"You can come along, I'm sure they don't mind" Even better.

So here is why you were genuinely surprised to see that Charles Leclerc is walking inside the MasterChef tent with a red and blue plate in his hand. He was grinning wildly as if he was a kid on a sugar rush.

"Ohmygod we are serving food to Charles Leclerc!" one of your teammates whispered.

"Hi goodafternoon! What's the dish for today?" he asked politely.

"Well we have a pan fried cod with a pea puree and then some green grapes some fennel over there and then for the pasta lemon ricotta and beet tortellini" you answered as the team captain "We hope that its up your liking"

Charles gave you that smile that seems to light up the whole room, "I look forward to it, thanks!"

Its moments like this that you wish that you could reach out for him but you understand that its not yet the time. Its nice to see the support that you have for each other even though its all in private and away from the eyes of the media.

"Goodluck on your race Charles!"

There was a smile on both of your faces as you both continued to go chase your dreams.

[crybabylipstick]

TALKING ABOUT THE ALLEGATIONS AGAINST MELANIE MARTINEZ:

In November of 2017, Timothy tweeted "what if I have my own story of a*use but I'm scared to ruin the persons life and I still love them in a f*cked up way and the public really loves them and most probably wouldn't believe me".

On December 4, 2017, Timothy publicly accused Melanie of s*xual as*ault on Twitter. She alleged two nights during which she "repeatedly said no" to advances from Melanie, claiming she kept secret for years and describing how Melanie had performed s*xual act*vities on her without her consent.

Melanie replied to the accusation shortly after claiming Timothy's allegation was false:

"I am horrified and saddened by the statements and story told tonight by Timothy Heller. What she and I shared was a close friendship for a period of time. We came into each other's lives as we were both starting our careers as artists, and tried to help each other. We both had pain in dealing with our individual d*mons and the new paths we were forging, but I truly felt we were trying to lift each other up. She never said no to what we chose to do together. And although we parted ways, I am sending her love and light always." (In case the picture is blurry).

- Melanie Martinez

In an interview with Newsweek, Timothy claimed that Melanie tried to contact both her and her boyfriend around 20 minutes after publishing the accusations through text and phone calls. No evidence to back this up was ever shared. In the aforementioned interview, Timothy went on to say that Melanie's dismissal of her account "says it all":

First of all, I did say 'no,' multiple times, but even if I hadn't, that doesn't mean I wanted it. She dug her own grave saying, 'she didn't say no'. That's not consent."

- Timothy Heller

On December 10, Melanie thanked her fans who supported her after the accusations.

"I understand how hard it could be to see my side of the story, considering no one with a heart would want to invalidate anyone speaking up about this topic. I want to thank my fans who took the time to research the timeline, analyze past Instagram photos, and question the story being told, which reveal her false statements. I trusted so many people in my life who took advantage of that trust for their own personal gain. Please know that my intentions with everything that I do in my life are always pure and I would never be i*timate with someone without their absolute consent." (In case the picture is blurry).

- Melanie Martinez

On July 19, 2024, 6 years after the controversy, Timothy posted a 6-minute video onto TikTok detailing how she had been h*rassed and bullied off the internet due to speaking up about the all*gations. She also said that she felt "quite validated" from Melanie's response due to Melanie admitting that the two had something take place between them.

(screenshot of the video Timothy is talking about Melanie and the whole situation).

Now, before anyone says something like "Oh wow you're supporting a 🍇pist" "You support 🍇pe" "Can't believe you believe Melanie" etc. I don't believe anyone, I'm not picking sides neither I'm trying to start a fight or offend anyone. I've been getting a lot of hate about the whole situation from people who don't even know me, saying stuff like "You support 🍇pe" "I hope you get 🍇ped too" "Supporting a 🍇pist" and really mean and offensive stuff like that. I DO NOT support 🍇pe. I just wanted to clear some things out, just because I'm a fan of Melanie doesn't mean I support everything she does and believe in everything she says etc. I'm just a fan and nothing more, I DO NOT care about her personal LIFE or what she DOES. I just listen to her music and art. I'm not trying to offend anyone or anything. And I'm not saying you shouldn't express your thoughts or opinions on the whole situation or anything like that. Neither I'm saying you are in the wrong if you believe Timothy/Melanie. All I'm trying to say is we shouldn't judge or pick sides because only Melanie and Timothy know what truly happened. We might never know the truth, and that's totally okay. The only people who can judge each other are Melanie and Timothy. We don't even know what happened. Timothy could be lying, Melanie could be lying, who knows? Also, Melanie hasn't been proven GUILTY neither is Timothy's story INVESTIGATED or proven to be TRUE.

Another thing I want to point out is that even tho Timothy claims to be traumatised by Melanie and the whole situation etc. Timothy in 2015/2016 had dressed up as Melanie:

( 1st photo edited by me (I mean how I compared the pictures) , please give credits if you use etc. Thank you 🌬️🤍).

I'm sure you don't dress up as someone who has done something so serious and mean to you.

Not to mention when Timothy said the date that apparently the whole situation happened Melanie was in another state on the "CRYBABY TOUR". The last time I checked, you couldn't f*ck someone from that far away. (Not trying to offend anyone). And she also has claimed that she didn't remember the date that well yet she is still giving us a date.

Anyways, that's all I have to say, if you read all that, thank you, I really appreciate it. 🌬️🤍

( By the way, this is MY opinion about the whole situation. NOT trying to start a fight, be mean or offend anyone. Saying this so that there won't be any misunderstandings or false information 💕🩹).

[my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction]

@hammerhead96 I AM BITING THIS! I am so sorry it took 45 years <3

Anselm Vogelweide x gn!Reader • Rating: PG pals Masterlist• ao3• want to be tagged? | request info • buy me a coffee? • ask-travaganza masterlist •

Summary: You paint Anselm's portrait.

Warnings: Fluff, Anselm has siblings here, I'm just making stuff up, little bit of jealous!Anselm, kissing, not beta read, please let me know if I have missed a warning!

Word Count: 2311

“Stop moving.” You glare politely at Anselm over the canvas.  

He smiles sweetly at you from his position on the chair in the middle of the room. The large floor length curtains are drawn, letting in the late morning sunshine. He’s sat at a slight three quarter angle, his scared side facing you. 

It had been his sister that had commissioned you, Adela Vogelweide, a gift for his birthday. The fact that she’d chosen you had surprised you. You knew she had enough personal wealth to hire practically anyone in the world for whatever exorbitant amount they wanted and still consider it small change. 

Adela had seen some of your pieces at a local gallery showing, the curator an old friend of yours, where she had quite loudly enquired about the price of your largest landscape. Paid three times the asking amount, and then said it was still undervalued. 

She had called you up personally after convincing your friend to let her use their phone. The first words she’d spoken to you when you picked up were, “Why are you underselling yourself?” 

Adela was brazen and kind, with a quick temper she had never directed at you. She dyed her hair black, something she delighted in telling you, except for two streaks that framed her face, those she kept in her natural grey. She had also delighted herself in telling you all about her older brother Anselm, and what a nuisance he was, a rapscallion, but a loveable one. And wouldn’t you be a dear and paint his portrait? 

This was your fourth sitting.

“You said I could move a little, my dear?” He gives you a cheeky grin. 

You poke your head around the canvas again, purposefully benign a little more dramatic than you truly need to be, because you know it amuses him. 

“Emphasis on a little.” 

His smile widens. “Am I moving too much?” He feigns innocence badly. 

You give him a look. “Yes. Stop fidgeting.” 

“My leg.” He pouts, and rubs his thigh. 

“Anselm.” 

“Yes, my dear?” 

“That leg is not the one with your brace on.” 

He chuckles and then quickly puts on a mock serious expression. “Can’t my other leg hurt? My, my, this is most uncaring of you, and here I thought you such a sweet person.” 

“Well, you thought wrong then, didn’t you?” You carry on painting, adding a little shading. Most of the sittings so far were just to get a feel for him as a subject. You’d completed several rough sketches and paintings, and taken umteenth reference photos. 

“I don’t think so, my dear, I’m a very good judge of character.” 

“Would you say that runs in the family?” You ask nonchalantly. 

“How so?” 

“Is Adela a good judge of character?” 

He pauses for a moment and then nods, “She is.” 

“She warned me about you.” You say offhandedly and Anselm cackles with glee.

“Did she?” 

“She did.” 

“How marvellous. Did she tell you I’m a wretched and depraved lust filled bloodthirsty tyrant?” 

You pause, “No.”

“What did she say?” He strokes his beard slightly.

“That you were cheeky.” 

He tuts. “Now, that is a gross misrepresentation, I will have to have words with her.” 

“Don’t get me in trouble.” You giggle. 

“Now, now, my dear. She’ll most likely tell me off for some reason, probably for my playful, but oh so charming treatment of you, wouldn’t you say?” 

You give him another look and he laughs. 

“You disagree?” 

“Stop fishing for compliments.”

“Ah, but I must. You haven’t said one kind thing to me all morning.” He folds his arms, pretending to huff. 

“First, that is untrue, second, stop moving.” 

He grins, “My apologies,” and puts his arms back down. “My dear Adela does love to scold me, despite being the younger sibling. You would think she was twelve years my senior, not junior… It is the different father I think.” He smiles fondly. 

“You have different fathers?” 

He nods, “You are enquiring about the surname yes?” 

You nod as well. 

“Well, my mother is Magdalena Vogelwiede, the only child of my grandfather who lived past infancy. She kept the family name and refused to change it when she married, not that any of her husbands would have dared to argue with her, besides all of them coveted the prestige of being part of the Vogelwiede family. All of her children were given her last name.”

“Do you have other siblings?” You ask, still holding your paintbrush but you have given up most pretences of actually working. The way he talked was almost hypnotic. Soothing. You could happily listen for hours. 

“I do, I had an older brother, Wilhelm, who died very young. When my father died, my mother remarried and had Adela and Helena. She divorced my step-father when Helena was two, shame, as I was quite fond of him. She didn’t marry the father of my youngest sister, Libeste. But that was a very good thing, he was a terrible bore.”

You smile, delighting in the fondness in his expression. “Is she still with us?” 

He nods, “She is, going very strong. She lives in Italy with her suitor, a toy boy.”

“Toy boy?” You snort. 

“He’s only sixty eight.” He chuckles. 

“Scandalous.” You grin. 

“I like him very much, his name is Alvin, like the chipmunks. Which is what he said to me the first time I met him, a very sweet man, utterly besotted with my mother, the poor fool.”

“The poor fool?”

“She bullies him so,” Anselm sighs fondly, “But he does love it. So I think they are meant to be with each other.” 

You barely manage another five minutes of painting before Anselm has to take an emergency meeting. He apologises profusely and kisses your hand when you leave. You do your best to hide your giddiness when his lips touch your skin.

The following Thursday you’re back at his house, mansion, just about to get out of your car when your phone rings. Adela. 

You press accept. “Hello, Adela.” 

“My darling, how are you? Are you well?” Her voice practically purrs on the other end of the phone.

“I’m good, you?” 

“Fine, fine, listen, I am having a small get together tomorrow night, I will send a car for you. Yes?” 

“I,” You pause, ever so slightly taken aback. “Well…”

“You are free of course?” 

“Well, I was going to work on the portrait-”

“Oh, don’t worry about that, you have plenty of time, I understand art works can take years.”

“I don’t think it’ll take me years, I mean-”

“See? You are already ahead of schedule then my darling, 8pm the car will come. It’s a small thing, barely a hundred people, casual dress. And I mean it, wear jeans and a t-shirt if you want, or nothing at all.”

You open your mouth to speak and close it again as she continues.

“I simply must introduce you to my son. Anyway, see you then, ciao!” 

She hangs up before you can even say a word. 

You’re setting up in the ground floor study when Anselm comes in. His expression is stormy, you would almost say bleak if it wasn’t for the hard look in his eyes. 

He sits on the chair without his usual exuberance, muttering a quiet “Good morning.” 

You pause, still setting up your easel. Part of you isn’t sure if you know him well enough to ask about what’s bothering him, even though he’s been nothing but forthcoming and charming with you. You swallow down your anxiety.

“Are you okay?” 

“Hmm,” he nods and doesn’t look at you.”Perfectly well.” 

You bite your thumbnail nervously, but don’t ask again. You set up the rest of your equipment in silence. 

The quiet is odd. You realise you’re so used to hearing him talk, to being swept up in his tales that now the room seems hollow and barren without them. Cold and sterile. The grandfather clock in the corner ticks loudly, echoes sickeningly. 

Nothing seems to be going quite right, your colours are wrong, the shape irregular. 

You’ve been working for around twenty minutes when Anselm finally talks. 

“Has my sister invited you yet?” He’s a little gruff, a huff in his voice.

“I’m sorry?” You look up from your work.

“Invited you… to her gathering tomorrow?” 

“Oh, erm,” You stumble over your words, the hard look he gives you is practically alien, so unlike his usual smiles. “Yes, she called me just as I got here.” 

Anselm’s expression hardens. For a moment you don’t think he’s going to speak again. “She wants you to meet David, her eldest.” 

You pause, not sure if you should reply, but you do anyway. “Yeah, erm, she mentioned it briefly… not that I really got a word in.” You laugh weakly, maybe he was annoyed at how long it was taking you to start on the painting? “Honestly, I was planning on working on your portrait, but I didn’t really get a chance to refuse the invitation.” 

He hums again, sighing and slumps down a little in his chair. “He got divorced last year, you know?” 

It takes you a full minute to realise he’s talking about David. 

“Clean break, his ex-wife was very reasonable. No children.” He sighs again, “A perfectly eligible bachelor.” He runs his hand through his hair, pushing his curls in a completely different direction. 

“Anselm,” you tut, briefly forgetting the tense atmosphere, you walk around the easel and towards him, your hand outreached to fix his hair before you catch yourself. You stop, pausing right in front of him.

He looks up at you with soft eyes. “I apologise, my love. I did not mean to disrupt your work with my bad mood.” 

“It’s alright,” you smile slightly, “We all get annoyed.” 

“I’m sure you are rapturous in anger, all dragon fire and destruction.” 

You snort. “I am not.” 

He smiles and leans forward, pressing his head towards your hand. “I am sorry I disturbed my hair.” 

“It’s fine,” you lightly run your fingers through his curls, careful not to catch or pull as you move it back into its previous style. You motion for him to sit back so that you can position the last few rogue strands. You touch his hair for a little longer than absolutely necessary, swallowing as you press your fingers deeper. 

Anselm breathes in deeply, closing his eyes for a second and presses closer to your touch. 

“Is your nephew getting engaged or something, does Adela want me to paint a portrait of him too? Is that why I’m invited?” You ask innocently as you finally adjust his hair to your liking. You drop your hand to your side, a little disappointed that you no longer have a reason to touch him.

He opens his eyes slowly, staring up at you with a small frown. “My sweet, are you being serious, or pulling my leg? Because if it is the latter, I must say it is poor form considering my injury.” He motions a little dramatically to his brace.

“What?” You shrug a little, trying to work out what the hell he’s on about.

A small smile pulls at his lips when he realises you are being sincere. “My dear Adela wants to set you up with David, tomorrow is a formal introduction of sorts.” 

You pause, a little dumbfounded and Anselm chuckles. 

“My, the look on your face, you do not seem pleased.” He, however, is the happiest you have seen him all morning. 

“Here,” Anselm stands, “I’ll get my assistant to bring you a photo of David,” the tease in his voice is undeniable. “So that you may gaze about the face of your future beloved.” 

You finally find your voice. “Anselm.” You scold.

He grins wickedly, turning to face you fully. “I do love it when you use that tone with me, my sweet. Admonishing me does suit you.” He steps a fraction closer, raising his hand to lightly brush your cheek with the tips of his fingers. “I would happily die a thousand deaths to be under your thumb.” 

You swallow. “I don’t want you to die a thousand deaths… or be under my thumb.” You say softly, trying to say that you want him safe and alive and of his own strange but endearing free will.

But Anselm’s expression falls and he lowers his hand, mistaking your words for rejection. “I apologise again-”

Panic grips your chest and you blurt out the first thing that comes into your head. “But you can be under me if you want… as in…” Heat rolls over your face and you screw up your eyes. 

He laughs happily, stepping closer again so that you are chest to chest. He lightly traces your bottom lip with his thumb. “May I kiss you, my love?” 

With a giddy rush of energy, you lean forward and press your mouth to his in a soft, sweet kiss. Anselm moans happily, wrapping one arm around you. When you break the kiss he leans his forehead against yours. 

“Please forgive my foul mood earlier, I was… distressed.” 

“Why?” You tease, a sugar rush of happiness overtaking you. 

“Because I thought you were going to spend the rest of your days riding my nephew instead of me.” 

You snort, unable to stop yourself, and quickly cover your mouth with your hand. 

“Oh no, please, let me hear you laugh.” He gently takes your wrist and litters your cheeks with kisses, until you’re giggling uncontrollably. 

“Well, I’ll have to let Adela know there’s no need for me to go tomorrow.” 

Anselm tuts and raises an eyebrow, “I don’t think so, my love, I think it will be much more exciting to turn up on my arm and then proceed to make out messily on every available surface.” 

Thank you for reading!

@pleasurebuttonwrites @raven-rk @campingwiththecharmings @alexxavicry @whatthefishh

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@steven-grants-world  @eyelessfaces @angel-of-the-moons @minigirl87 @lunar-ghoulie

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@ierofrnkk @have-you-seen-my-sanity @to-be-a-sunshine @blushingrn @missdictatorme

@musicalnacho @buckyssugarchick @howellatme @sapphossongbird

[mattsturniolosmuse]

It Ain't Fair

Summary: You and Johnny have been dating for just over 1 year, but you were sexually abused by your father as a child and you and johnny have never gone past making out. Johnny gets sick and tired of having to jack himself off, so you guys get into an argument, and he wins.

Warnings: Smut, p in v, unprotected sex, squirting, dom! johnny, sub! reader, arguing, kind of make up sex?, loving sex, slight orgasm denial, also pretend this is like modern day

Johnny's phone buzzes. He grabs it off of his desk, and sees he has a snapchat notification under baby doll😘.

He opens the notification, and sees a photo of you, just out of the shower. Your lips are pursed, your nose scrunched, and he could just see the top of your breasts, dripping wet underneath the towel you held around your body.

God. Johnny thinks to himself. She doesn't know what she's doing to me.

He plops down on his bed and takes his hard cock out of his pants. This is his fourth time this week!

"Mmm, y/n..." Johnny moans as he pumps himself faster. He knows that you're too scared to do anything, because you were abused. He also knows you have very low self-esteem, no matter how often he tells you how beautiful you are.

"Fuck!" Johnny moans, flinging his hand out and knocking over the lamp on his bedside table. He finishes in his hand, furious. He needed you, he's needed you for a year.

He sends you a quick text.

Johnny: baby i need u 😶

Baby doll ��: why? i just got out of the shower

Johnny: come on. please

Baby doll 😘: ok. lemme just change

He sighs in relief, knowing he'll be seeing you soon.

>>>><<<<

"What's wrong, Johnny?" You ask, stepping inside his house. He brings you to his living room and sits you down on the couch.

"We need to talk. I've had to jack myself off four fucking times this week, and it's unfair that you won't go past making out." Johnny says.

"Johnny, that isn't fair! You know that I've been hurt before!" You say, crossing your arms.

"Yes! I know! But it's just me! I'm not going to judge you, baby, I promise! I'm never going to force you into anything, I'm never going to rape you." Johnny grunts in frustration.

"You know, if you really loved me, you would understand my feelings! You would at least try to see where I'm coming from!" You shout, standing up.

"I do love you! And I've seen where you're coming from for a whole fucking year! I just can't wait any longer!" Johnny yells, matching your voice.

"Fine. I can see I'm not wanted here." You say, walking to his front door.

"No. Baby, wait. I didn't mean to yell." Johnny says, running after you. He grabs your shoulder just before you reach the door. He spins you around to look at him. He was breathing heavily, tears flooding his eyes.

"Baby, I love you." He says, voice cracking. He pulls you into a hug, and you wrap your arms around his waist. He kisses your head gently, rubbing your back.

"Please don't go." He says. You look up at him, tears in your own eyes, as you push your lips against his. He tangles his hand in your still wet hair, his other hand pushing you against the wall. You feel his hard on poking your inner thigh, and it made you wet.

You've always wanted to have sex with Johnny. You were just scared. He made you wet all the fucking time. But you couldn't tell him that.

"Jump." Johnny says, and you do, wrapping your legs around his waist. Johnny's tongue slides into your mouth, and he smiles against your lips as you moan at the contact.

He leaves your mouth to trail kisses down your neck, sucking hickeys into the skin.

"J-johnny," You moan, holding him close. The feeling of his warm tongue on your skin only made you wetter. You were practically dripping.

He carries you over to the couch, and lays you down gently. He gets up to take off his shirt, and helps you lift your - or his - t-shirt over your head. He bites his lip at the sight of you. You didn't have a bra on.

"Naughty girl." Johnny says, smiling and kissing you, guiding you back down again. He pulls away and looks at you.

"C-can I?" He asks, gesturing at your sweats. You nod. He doesn't hesitate, pulling them off your legs swiftly. He peels your panties off slowly, revealing your dripping cunt.

"Damn, baby. Holy fuck." Johnny says, sticking a finger into you and pumping.

You arch your back off of the couch.

"Johnny! Jesus christ." You moan as he adds another finger. He curls them, and they rub against your g-spot just right. You feel the knot in your stomach tighten.

"I'm gonna cum." You moan.

"Cum on my fingers." Johnny says, barely audible. His words are enough to send you flying over the edge. He takes his fingers out of you and licks them clean. He kisses your breast before taking his own jeans off. His erection slaps against his lower stomach. You start breathing heavily, and Johnny notices. He grabs your hand.

"Hey, hey. Baby, it's ok. I'm not going to hurt you, I promise." Johnny says, kissing your nose gently. He positions himself in front of your entrance. You nod, and he pushes himself in, bottoming out. Tears leak out of your eyes. Johnny kisses all over your face to distract you from the pain.

"Johnny, please move." You say, squirming. He begins to thrust in and out of you slowly, eliciting a moan from his lips.

"G-god, Johnny. Fuck. Faster." You moan, grinding up into him. He obeys, thrusting his hips faster into yours. You wrap your legs around him, and he goes deeper inside of you.

"I-i love you Johnny." You moan out. This makes Johnny go faster.

"I love you too, baby." He says, smashing his lips into yours. You feel your orgasm coming on.

"Johnny, I'm close!" You moan.

"Hold it for me, ok?" Johnny says, kissing your breast. You nod, squeezing your eyes shut from pleasure. Johnny has you seeing stars. You couldn't think at all. Your mind was chanting Johnny, Johnny, Johnny over and over again.

Your toes curl, and you throw your head back.

"Cum for me." Johnny moans. The second the words leave his lips, you release. Johnny stops and looks down.

"H-holy shit." He moans, pulling out of you. And looking at you with a blush.

"W-what?" You ask, suddenly scared. You prop yourself up on your elbows. You made a huge mess. Your cum was splattered all over the couch, all over Johnny's cock and his stomach. You cover your mouth.

"I'm sorry." You say quietly. Johnny laughs.

"Sorry? Baby, you just squirted, that was the hottest thing I've ever seen in my life." He says, going to grab a towel from the kitchen.

"You're like a little octopus. A pretty little octopus." Johnny teases you. You roll your eyes and watch him as he cleans you up.

"Thank you, Johnny." You say. He looks up at you.

"For what?" He asks, shocked.

"For... this." You say, gesturing at him and the mess you made. He chuckles, kissing you.

"Anytime, baby."

[starlightandfairies]

Insecure nights ~Austin Butler~

Description: The reader isn't really too great, her self-esteem is very low and Austin reassures her that she is gorgeous and that she needs to look after herself.

Warnings: Swearing, she/her pronouns, fluff, angst, low self-esteem, body issues, social media bullying, rude fans

Key: POV = Point of view

Word Count: 1,184

*Please know that you all are gorgeous no matter what you look like, I've been feeling insecure lately so I've just written this and I hope you know that you're insecurities do not define you. Have a lovely day.*

Being Austin's girlfriend was great, he was the best guy that you could ever hope for and he was everything that you needed in the relationship. Like all people, you were insecure, though, you had your moments where you felt so confident and loved yourself for your body that you were happy to be existing just as you were. It all came crashing down though, one day you're minding your own business and you're scrolling through social media and you come across a photo that some random took of you and Austin out in public where Austin's mid-spin with you in his arms as he hugs you. 

The caption was supportive of you and your relationship, reading: 

Look how cute they both are! You can really tell Austin loves her 

It always made you smile knowing that there were fans that were supportive of your relationship and tried to defend you both when mean comments popped up but this time, it got under your skin. 

She seriously needs to lose weight

I love her, she's so pretty and so sweet 

Look at his arms, you can tell he's struggling to hold her up 

Does Austin hate seeing her acne? Because I do 

She's gorgeous, she shouldn't be dealing with you assholes.

I saw a beach photo the other day and her stretch marks were fucking hideous -#Ihatestretchmarks. 

You fell into a cycle, you were trapped and you couldn't get out of it, couldn't stop reading all these awful things. You felt sick as all your insecurities were being judged and picked on. You snapped out of your thoughts as a door slammed closed, you dropped your phone on the bed and quickly placed a smile on your lips before you walked over to investigate what happened. 

"Sorry, darling, I didn't mean to scare you. The wind picked up and got the door." Austin walked over to you, a charming smile on his lips as he embraced you in his warm arms. Austin rested a kiss on your forehead, then caught your lips in his, you smiled against his lips and stared at him with a gentle look in your eyes. 

"Doesn't bother me any, just glad it's you." He smiled at you, staring at you with an amused glint in his eyes and rested another kiss on your lips before taking a breath. 

"I'm gonna have a shower, we can watch some movies afterwards, okay?" You simply nodded, smiling lightly as he rested one final kiss on your forehead and walked to your shared bedroom. You walked to the living room and started picking out some movies to choose from, giving Austin the chance to what he wanted to watch instead of just giving him a sappy rom-com. 

Austin walked over to you, he wrapped his arms around you, pulled your back against his chest and leaned down to rest a kiss on your cheek. 

"How are you feeling, sweetheart?" 

"I'm feeling fine, how about you?" Austin turned you around, he rested a kiss on your lips and crouched down to stare at you. He led you over to the couch, gave you reassuring smile and held your hands in his. 

"You wanna tell me what's going on?" 

"Nothing is going on." You lied. 

"I love you and I know you. I know when something is on your mind and I've seen that look before. I don't want this to become something that hurts you, you're my girl and I love you. I don't want to see you hurting." 

"It's getting into my head again, I hate feeling like this, I hate not thinking I'm pretty and I hate that those assholes can get to me when they don't know me and I don't know them." Austin rested a hand on top of his, you stared at him and sniffled as he wiped away a tear that fell from your eye. 

"Darling, you're absolutely gorgeous, they don't know what they're fucking talking about." 

"Sometimes... sometimes I feel that I'm not pretty enough for you or good enough." Austin grabbed your hands, staring you deep in the eye. 

"You're fucking stunning, darling, don't think that you're not. You're more than good enough for me and you're always the prettiest girl in the room. My eyes are always on you and you're always got this lovely glow about you. You're gorgeous, you're beautiful. These insecurities of yours, I'm sorry they get you down and I'm sorry that these awful people think that they have the right to hurt you with them." Austin took a breath, bringing you closer to him and cradled you close to his chest. 

"You don't think I'm too big, or my acne is ugly or my stretch marks make you embarrassed to be seen with me when we're at the beach or the pool?" Austin shook his head, bringing your eyes to meet his and smiled at you. 

"I think you're perfect, I think you're gorgeous and you're not 'too' big, you're perfect just the way and I love you. This acne, it's normal, you're human. Humans have these things, I love them because it shows how real you are and I think it's actually really cute. These stretchmarks, I love tracing over these when we're cuddling, you always smile and sometimes it turns into a tickle fight and I love having these with you. Darling, you're gorgeous and I love you with my entire heart. I'm sorry that people aren't treating you right and I hope you know that whenever you feel like this you can talk to me." 

A smile formed on your lips, Austin smiled with you and rested a kiss on your forehead. Austin flopped on the couch, you still in his arms and rested your head on his chest. 

"You're not uncomfortable?" 

"Not at all, I promise you, sweetheart." The shorts you were wearing were pyjama shorts, Austin slowly started tracing patterns on your skin, near your hip and trailing down a little lower to get the ends of the stretchmarks. 

"You're gorgeous, I love you, I love you so much." He whispered watching as you just put something on and snuggled in closer to be held tighter by him. Austin hated seeing you feel so down, hated that these people who knew nothing about you treated you with insults and made you feel like shit and you were the greatest thing that had come into his life and he didn't want you to feel like you weren't pretty enough or good enough. 

"I love you, thank you." You whispered. 

"What are you thanking me for, darling?" 

"You just no what to say to make me feel better." 

"I mean them all." 

"I know you do. I love you so much." 

[fleet-admiral-hiba]

Heyaa,

I really enjoy your writing, specifically the little fox series

I dunno if you’re still doin it but if you are I have a request if you take those lmao

Something like childe (or anyone else idrc) goes to Mondstadt or liyue (Again idc where) and we snuck into their coat so randomly while their doing something we just tap them or like leave little notes everything idrk but yeah, basically we snuck with them out of the palace and accidentally cause panic because no one knows where we went, we could also have left whosever coat we were in and got lost in one of the cities and someone had to find us

thanks if you even see this lol, -Simon

LOST...BUT THEN FOUND

A/n: Simon, first of all: thank you for your kind words, i'm glad you loved the collection so far.

.

.

.

As Capitano was getting ready to leave for Sumeru, he was checking his lugggage for anything missing. It took time but when he was satisfied, he closed the bag, and made his way towards the boat. He didn't notice anything strange, although he ought to have.

He noticed randome letters scattered around his coat'a pocket, but he was used to your little reminders of how much you loved them, that he didn't really pay attention to what was on them.

He really should have.

Back home, Pierro was slaving away in his office, paperwork upon paperwork stacking endlessy on his desk. He was exhuasted, but yet he went on. He didn't notice your absence, not until someone ran inside and told him that you weren't inside.

He thought nothing at first, everyone was used to you roaming around freely, so it wasn't uncommon to your disappearence. What alarmed him was the insistence with which the agent was demanding his attention.

"My lord, they're not here. We checked with everyone and they have not seen them anywhere" , silence followed before he shot up and made his way to find you.

.

.

Meanwhile, Capitano had stepped foot on Sumeru, and he instructed his men to take their things and make their way into town. While walking towards their hotel, he took his coat off for it was a bit hot, and took out a Kamera, you always loved it when he took photos of where he went, he failed to notice that a figure tumbled out of the coat.

You were confused, as to why you fell off, but you noticed aomething wasn't right. You...recognized the place, but you didn't know where your uncle wandered off.

There was now a problem. So you did the most reasonable thing, you cried like a sensible child would. You were scared, and you wanted one of your favourite adults around.

Luckily a new recruit was left behind, he was struggling to drag a chest behind, but he stooped once he saw you. "Your highness... what are you doing here all alone? Come with me, let's find the others, before I get in trouble" said before making his way towards their residence.

.

.

Meanwhile, the whole palace was in disarray. They all panicked at your disappearence , Pierro was in the verge of having a stress breakdown.

Luckily Dottore and Pulcinella, trying to be rational about it, suggested the most obvious thing to do: contact all the Harbingers who have left and see if they have seen you.

Hastily making his way to his office, Pierro started by calling the only one who was out in that moment: Capitano.

The phone rang

.

.

.

"Sir, I found them!" said the nervous recruit, who was being stared down hard by the tall behemoth that was Capitano. He was judging if he needed to unalive someone or not, but before he could do anything you ran up to him, and in one clean sweep he hoisted you up, and let you cuddle into his coat.

You mumbled lowly of how you were scared, how you lost sight of him and so on.

Wait. He never saw you go with him in the first place, what were you doing there?

He didn't have time to muse about when an other agent brought him the phone, stating that there was a urgent call for the first harbinger.

He knew what it was about.

"Pierro, calm down, they're with me. They probably snuck in involuntarily aboard. I think they were asleep when I left and so I didn't notice them. Yes, they are unarmed and well. I will send them back soon, don't worry".

Well that had to be a first. He lied, mostly for you. You knew you were in trouble and you apologized for that.

He looked at you, pitying you a bit for what was to come, but nonetheless, he gave you a hug, and sent you back.

.

.

It went well, as well as it could be, but you got off lucky. Pierro was ruthless in his scolding, but you understood why.

Still, it left you in tears. He had been harsh.

He saw what he had done, and he apologized for the intensity. He hugged you tight, and you apologized again for worrying them.

Still, you didn't escape the round of scolding you received.

And you were grounded.

But hey, at least you were home again. And being secretly spoiled by Pantalone

[conversations-with-the-devil]

About this page

In its essence, this page is the home of some of my conversations with the Devil, and with Monsters. Some of it will be typed, some of it will be photos from my journal where I have all of my conversations with the Devil and the Monsters.

What do I mean by this?

I mean that I listened to a lecture by a psychologust i admire and respect, and he was talking about the psychology of evil people and about how easy it is to go from being normal to being able to commit horrific atrocities against humanity, and to enjoy commiting them. In the video, he explained about how the worst crimes of humanity were committed, enjoyed and justified by those commiting them - and each of those criminals were normal people at one point in their lives, but became pure evil via the ways they excused their own microaggressions against their own selves, which led to them justifying microaggressions they committed against others, and each of those tiny, insignificant things added up until they were justifying murder and peadophilia and rape and genocide and torture.

Around the same time I watched that video, I also listened to a podcast from Diary of a CEO where he was interviewing the same person. And in that interview, he talks about (among other things) resilience and growth as a human being, and the importance of not giving in to temptation - whether that temptation is judging or envying others when you don't know their reality, or porn, or drugs or drink, or constant doomscrolling on your phone, or actual crimes. In summary, he equated temptation to the devil crouching on your doorstep; if you invite him in or open the door, then he will take over your home and your life and your very self, until you've damned yourself and everything around you is in constant chaos or rot, and you will be laughing alongside him as you both skip merrily down to Hell. In contrast, a stronger decision would be to not open the door, no matter how loudly or sweetly the devil calls for you to please let him in.

I thought about that, and I realised I disagreed. Letting the Devil inside would be an easy decision - especially since he used to live here. He just forgot his key. But the decision to just never open the door again because I'm scared of what might happen if he gets back in? Never opening the door again because of everything I assume he's going to do? Personally, that seems like a weaker decision than just letting him in. Just because I'd be ignoring his pleas to be allowed in wouldn't actually mean I was resisting temptation - I would just be being stubborn or ignoring him or living in fear of him, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't want to let him in. It doesn't mean I wouldn't enjoy hearing him plea and beg from outside, or that the sound of his claws on the doorstep wouldn't become soothing and unthreatening after a certain amount of time.

To me, the strongest decision I can make in order to become more resilient and less likely to give in to temptation is to open the door, sit down across from the Devil with the threshold between us, and ask: "Why are you here?"

"Why are you here? What do you want? Why do you want inside of my house so much? Are you doing this to everyone, crouching on doorsteps to see who lets you in first? Or did I do something which made my porch light go on, for you to be drawn to my porch in particular? What made you think you'd be welcome here? What made you think I'd let you in? If I were to let you in, what would happen? Are you making this request with genuinely good intentions which will ultimately unravel and cause chaos and end with me dancing down to Hell with you, arm in arm? Or do you already fully intend to lead me down to the pits on a chain? What do you want from me? What do you want to accomplish from this interaction, or this temptation? What do you want to gain or to give? Do you want to teach me something? Are you here to warn me about something? Are you here to remind me of something forgotten or to educate me about something long since passed? Why are you here?"

Then to have that conversation with him, to get those answers, to be granted insight to the workings of temptation and sin and torment and torture and eternity, to catch a glimpse of Hell in his eyes and his words, to hear echoes of screams and moans and laughs in equal measure in his voice, to be able to glimpse visions of total debauchery and sin and temptation and the utterly horrific beauty of damnation, oblivion and the sweet taste of addictions being fed again and again, to hear the sepulchre singing of the demons of his court and the cries of the damned in the pits and the howls of the winds through the ice and the spitting of the flames... to get a glimpse of all of the ecstasy and beautiful torment of damnation, to know exactly what I'm being offered, to know exactly what pleasures and experiences I'd get if I invited him in... to get to have that conversation, then make a fully informed decision, to be of sound mind and body as I say: "That's not what I want for my life, so no, thank you."

To be able to have learned the lessons of Hell and corruption via a warning, rather than by chaos. For both of us to stand up, and to bow to each other. And for us to go our separate ways, him trotting away to tempt someone else into Hell, while I close my door to him, fully sound in the knowledge that he won't be back because there is nothing he could do, say or promise that would make me take that first step towards damnation.

To me, that is the strongest decision I can make. To me, that is how I become my most resilient self. To me, that is how I become everything I want to become. To me, that is how I introduce myself to my destiny.

That is what this page is. That is what my journal is. That is what I mean when I say "conversing with the Devil and Monsters."

What are my "Devil" and my "Monsters", though?

They have a lot of names. But no, I don't mean I'm having a psychotic break, and I don't mean I'm having a religious experience every time I do this. I'm having an intrinsically human experience.

"Devil" and "Monsters" are metaphors and visualisations, because I work best when I work in metaphorical language and I'm very visually driven. But what I mean by both terms are my inner critic (AKA "self doubt" ), my residual trauma (acquired in childhood), and my Shadow.

By Shadow, I mean my shadow self - a key part of Jung theory in psychology. The core point of it is this: inside all of us is our shadow self, which is the most monstrous part of ourselves which we are viscerally afraid of, and which we often try to ignore or deny the existence of, because it means confronting the darkest parts of our souls. Confronting and understanding your shadow self is crucial to understanding who you are as a person, because that is where your fears and motivations and nightmares and dreams come from. But when you look into your shadow's eyes and see the depths of your soul, you won't see something beautiful. You'll see a monster capable of things you can't even imagine doing - you'll see a soldier committing genocide and getting off on it, you'll see police men shooting children in the head and laughing about it, you'll see rapists and school shooters and murderers and abusive partners and addicts and tyrants and people who have had their humanity entirely distorted by sin and corruption and evil, who revel in every second of it, and every single one of them will be you.

As human beings, we're monsters by design. So understanding our own monster, which has lived in our souls since we first walked this earth, understanding the depths of despair and pain it has had to experience in order to become so thrilled by evil... that is crucial to understanding ourselves, our thoughts, our motivations and our fears, because that monster is where all of those things come from.

In order to become our best selves, we need to first acknowledge, accept, and understand our worst possible selves. Only then can we move forward. Only from there can we grow.

That is what I am conversing with in these sessions. My Shadow, my Monster, my Devil.

What is my goal in all of this?

Partly, my goal is control. Not to befriend my Monster or Shadow or Devil, but to understand them intrinsically. And from that, to be able to put my Monster on a leash. To be able to walk a separate path from my Devil. To be able to walk next to my Shadow and not be scared of him. That peace, that acceptance, are what my goal is. Because it'll only be once I've gained both those traits in regards to all Three, that I'll be able to have control over them.

[dre6ming]

The delicate beginning rush

Chapter VI ~ my darling

Masterlist

Chapter V ~ torn

Instagram photo dump masterlist

To be added to the tag list click here

Pairing: Austin Butler x fem singer/actress reader

Warning: age gap, mentions of poor mental health, depression, anxiety, mentions of abuse, talks of toxic relationships, divorce, fluff, angst, cursing. That’s all I hope :))

Plot: after a horrible article makes the headlines you find yourself back in a place where you judge your every move. Your crush on Austin only seems to grow as does your liking towards Joshua.

Word count: ~6500

Disclaimer: everything I write is fake. Except for the songs I mention.

I see it as soon as I wake up. The bad habit of waking up and checking my phone, giving my team no time to hide this from me. I stare at the screen of my phone with blurry eyes, the big red letters screaming at me.

"19 and taking hearts left and right"

The title reads and I could lie and say it's unexpected for a piece like this to be written, but it's not. I knew, I always did, but I guess I never anticipated how sharp and evil their words would be. Bringing up my parents divorce, saying dating is some coping mechanism, because they left me? Pulling up those pictures of me, balling my eyes out on the street. That day being one of the worst days of my life and they had the audacity to photograph it and now use it to justify my serial dating behavior? I know this is the price I pay for the job I chose, but sometimes the price feels higher than the reward.

With shaky hands I wipe my face, or try to, then turning my phone off I get up to go in the shower. The warm water engulfs me, my tears mixing with it. Each sob that shakes my body, makes my muscles contract painfully and I struggle to wash myself, as I feel like my legs might give out at any minute. I let out a scream so loud and sharp I scare myself and fall on the shower floor, clutching my head in my hands.

I need to get out, I need to breathe, I can't breathe. I'm stuck. I need out. I need...

Gathering up my strength, I get up, turning off the shower and ignoring the pain in my knees, which are sure to have bruises on them later. Using a warm towel to dry myself and then hurriedly putting on some clothes. Comfort being my goal I choose in oversized dark blue sweat suit. Staring at the clock, it's only 7:45 am, I woke up way too early, because of all the turmoil I faced in my sleep, caught between dreaming of Austin or Joshua. I'm supposed to be going to a fitting today, for the Oscars, also Jack expects me in the studio, but I can't. I don't want to see or talk to anyone right now. So I don't. My phone is turned off, it's too early for Matt to be here, my parents don't live here and don't care, it's easy for me to avoid people, so that's what I do.

Taking my bag, I make my way out of the apartment, after feeding Simba and William, no need for them to suffer just cause I do. Putting on sunglasses and hiding my hair as best as I can in a beanie, I walk out of the building, the cold air of the early morning hitting my cheeks. Behind my glasses my salty tears are still flowing. New York is busy as ever and I'm happy for it. The crowd occupied with whatever they have going on, so no one pays any attention to me, it's comforting, but I can't hope for it to last. I like to think about myself as one of those celebes who knows exactly how to work their private life, while keeping people entertained, I don't push fans away and I usually don't mind paparazzi, but then again, I wasn't an Oscar nominee before, nor was I lunching with famous men. I'm growing with my career and I arouse more excitement now I guess.

I'm walking like a crazy person, almost running, my feet carry me unconsciously down the street. Looking down at the watch on my wrist I see it's now 8:15am if I keep at this pace I'll be at the Chanel studio in about an hour, sure I'll be all sweaty and gross, but I don't care, at least I'm showing up. Showing up is the best I can do now. I try not to think about how everyone must be freaking out right now, calling my phone. By now Matt probably got to the apartment and is frantically searching for me, scared something bad might have happened.

I sigh annoyed that I didn't think to take time and text him that I'll go to the fitting by myself. I hate worrying people, but then again that's not healthy, because I often think if the worse were to come and that dark part of my brain took over, then I'd fail all of them, but I should be thinking about failing myself. It's my life and it has very little meaning to me, all I care is to be here for the people that I know care and my therapist has been struggling to drill into my brain that I should stop thinking of others and how my life affects them, but rather about myself and how I affect myself. Easier said than done. Guess I'll have to squeeze a session in today or tomorrow morning, because I know I'm not ok and I would like to know why. Because I can't accept the fact that, that article has me twisted like this, it has to be something more as well. It's not fair for my brain to fail me like this.

Lost in the spiral of my mind, I don't even acknowledge I got to my destination, until I'm looking up at the tall glass building. When I walk in I see Levis, coming out of the elevator, talking on the phone, worried, but when his eyes meet mine he visibly relaxes, murmuring some words into the phone and ending the call. "(Y/n), what the hell? Matt was frenetic, what happened?" I roll my eyes at him and go past him, to get inside the elevator, but he grabs my arm and keeps me in place. "Sweet pea, tell me? You know you're like my daughter, what's wrong?" I only shake my head, not really willing to talk about what's got me so twisted. With a defeated sigh, he understands and let's me go. I'm silent for the elevator ride and for most part of the fitting, only making the effort to talk when really necessary.

I catch a glimpse of myself in the tall mirrors and I have to force myself not to gasp. I look so tired. If Timmy or Roxanne would see me right now they would freak out and maybe they should. Sighing I turn around and show the stylist where I want modifications to be made. The whole process goes by in a haze, I'm not really here, my body is, but my mind?.... Well definitely somewhere else.

All that keeps going through my mind is : Are they right? Am I playing? But then again I know the truth, I know Austin is just a friend and so is Joshua. Sure I wrote Austin a whole song about wishing on dandelions for his love, but he's still just a friend. Ugh god I sound crazy, maybe I am. "So what do you think?" One of the stylists asks me, but I'm unable to actually formulate an opinion, so I smile and nod. I like it, do I think it's amazing? Not really. Does it age me a decade? Yes. But I do look beautiful and professional in the dark blue plaid pants, that are so wide legged they look like a skirt and the halter top white shirt, completes the look nicely. "Yeah, you can't go wrong with a classic!" I mutter and they go on to take the measurements needed for further alterations.

Happy to be out of playing dress up, I sink into the seat of the car, burying myself in the huge sweater I have on. Matt doesn't look at me, he just greets me politely as always. I know I scared him, disappearing like that on him. I don't think anyone on the outside could really understand how much the people working around me are like family to me, so them worrying for me is beyond a professional care.

I'm feeling a bit better now, but definitely not ready to go and finish 'Dandelions', Austin's song can wait. Instead I think I'll try to bring him a song I started a while ago.

I greet Jack with a tight hug and go to sit down at the piano. "So I've been thinking, about a lot lately, all these fittings and photo shoots, they have me hyper fixing on things." Jack listens as I play the piano, "Ok, so are we talking-" "Body image" he nods, closing his eyes to listen to the soft melody I'm playing. "She just want to be, beautiful" I sing "She goes, unnoticed she knows, no limits" I sigh and keep playing struggling to keep my voice steady. "She prays to be, sculpted by the sculptor." The rhythm of the song picks up now and Jack goes over to his computer snapping his fingers to the melody, adding it over the piano. "Oh she don't see, the light that's shining. Deeper then the eyes can find it. Maybe she's blind?" I shake my head. "Maybe we have made her blind?" He suggests and I sing it that way.

"So to all the girls that's hurting, let me be your mirror, help you see a little be clearer" I write that verse down, smiling at the almost complete song, for hours now we've been throwing lines at each other. I usually write my songs alone, but this felt right to be done like this, I trust him to know exactly what I want to say. "That's beautiful, I'm thinking for the end we can have you and a choir sing and you could be saying 'No better you than the you that you are, No better life than the life we're living' , but right at the end we quiet down the music and you go with the chorus again one last time, on your own" I like that idea, putting on the headphones and going to sing into the mic.

We get most of the song done, but we have to see about that choir and we still have a lot in production to do, but I'm confident, "Scars to your beautiful" will be a song able to touch many people, not just girls, because we unfortunately live in a society where molds and labels are frequently used. I haven't always been the kindest to myself, my body, my craft, my mind. I'm my worts critic, but that's normal, my therapist says. I didn't expect this morning to go in the studio with one line that came to me in a flash and from there to build a whole song. I kind of wanted to finish "Idontwanttobeyouanymore" , but I think I'll keep that for my sessions with Finneas, it feels like a song for him, maybe I could ask Billie to feature and do vocals? I write that idea down in my journal and closing it, I discard it in my bag, occupying myself with looking out the window at the fast moving city as Matt drives me back home.

When I get to my apartment everything is the same as I left it. I hate it. I used to come back home and mom would've cooked something, or cleaned something, maybe dad had built some new furniture or he was loudly watching tv in the kitchen, or they were both on the balcony smoking. I miss them, but then I remember those were the good simple times I missed. They're divorce was long coming, just like that source for the magazine said. My parents had a toxic relationship and they used to hurt each other a lot and me as well. They were also codependent on each other, so it took a lot of pushing for my mom to finally file for divorce. My dad, a smart manipulative man, who loves me truly, but who holds no respect for my mother, had his claws deep into her and he was abusive towards her, both verbally and physically, though the latter was not as often. As you can see it's safe to assume my dad blames me for the divorce, but so does my mom. They think I'm spoiled and unrealistic, living in a fake world with an imaginary career.

I pick up my phone from where I left it on my bed and turn it on, notifications flooding my screen. I delete the unimportant ones, reply to some emails and text back a few people, leaving the best for last. I open the group chat with Timmy and Roxanne, reading over their texts, they were both going crazy over my ghosting of them. With a shaky breath I start tipping.

Me:

Sorry guys, was busy in the studio. Had an early fitting for the Oscars as well

RoxiBear🐻:

Girl you had us worried. Everything ok? I saw that garbage article.

Me:

Yeah I'm ok, I guess. I don't know.

Timmy💝:

Don't lie!

Me:

I don't know what you want to hear. None of what they said was true.

RoxiBear🐻:

I'm with Tim on this one, don't lie.

Me:

Idk what to say. Yeah I was alone w/ Austin and then w/ Joshua, but nothing happened. I don't think

Timmy💝:

You don't think?

RoxiBear🐻:

What does that mean?

Sighing I decide this is too much to be carried over text, so I FaceTime them. They both answer in an instant, Timmy seeming tired, already lying in bed and Roxanne waiting at the airport for her flight home. "So I took Austin out, to show him New York, but that was that. I'm not making moves on him" I roll my eyes at the stupid assumption. "And with Joshua, I think it was a date? He did give me this, that was true" I lift up my right hand and they gasp at the sight of the bracelet. "Definitely a date, girl and that looks so gorgeous, it's your style" Roxanne says, and Tim is quick to chime in. "Yeah I can confirm the dude likes you, he skipped flowers and went straight to the rocks." I laugh, brushing a hand through my hair. "I guess what bothered me most was them using those pictures of me and saying that I'm doing this because of the divorce, it's just. If I wanted it discussed over media I would've streamed it." They laugh a bit at that, but return to their serious demeanors. "Hon' I wish I was there to hug you!" Timmy says, sticking out his bottom lip. "I will, in a few hours, I'm taking my Uber straight to your place, so let the front desk know I'm coming." Roxanne says, before she drops her phone, making us all giggle. "Shit, gotta go, how can I be at the airport early and still get late on my flight, fuck me! Bye, love you!" She waves quickly, ending the call, leaving just me and Timmy.

His knowing eyes watch me through the screen, but I know I have to cut this short, the dark circles under both of our eyes, prove that we need more sleep. "I hate to cut this short- " he breaks to yawn and as on cue I do the same. "-but I have early call time tomorrow. I just want you to know, that I'm with you no matter who you want?" This makes the hair on the back of my neck stick up. "What?" I ask almost scared of the answer. "Sweet dumpling, yesterday when we talked you had this light in your voice, now call me crazy and tell me that I'm wrong, but I do think that hanging out with Austin did it or maybe it was the anticipation of the date with Joshua? I don't know, but sis, you sounded alive, for the first time in months. So, and I know Roxi, would agree, have your fun, turn a blind eye to all the gossip. Dating isn't bad, neither is making new friends, so whichever you decide Austin and Joshua are, I think you shouldn't overthink it." Smiling at him I dry my now damp cheeks, I don't know why I'm surprised he said these things, he's always been there and he's never judged me just like never judged him. "But I don't even know, what this is? Not Austin, not Joshua. I'm just, I don't understand. I've never-"

I can't find the right words to say, the matter is still very new and unknown to me. I think I like Austin, I mean there's definitely a lot to like, but then there are those things that should stop me, like the age gap and the girlfriend, doesn't matter that the relationship is fake, it still exists. And then there's Joshua, didn't write a song for him and I barely spoke to him, but he's sweet and does make my heart beat faster. Ugh I don't know what this is. Am I living a teenage drama show? Am I in a love triangle? No, I'm not, cause I'm not sure either of them like me the way I like them. "(Y/n)?! Still there?" Timmy waved his hand in front of the camera and I blink to bring myself back to this reality. "Yeah, no I'm here, I'm just..." letting the words fly in the air, I watch as Timmy looks at me a little worried. "Sweet sœr, I hope you know Matt called me, I was scared. Are you having those thoughts again?"

I look away, shy about my past, but knowing full well I have no reason to be, I look back at him. He's talking about the thoughts that inspired "everything I wanted". Back before the divorce, when I was still filming for Reconstructing Amelia, I was slowly sliding in a dark place, being in constant conflict with my parents, feeling alone, useless, stupid, meaningless. My life meant little to nothing to me back then, I had gotten so wrapped up in those dark corners of my mind, I don't know that I actually ever thought of doing anything to myself, but I was definitely thinking that if something bad were to happen I'd be ok with it. I made myself think it's ok to feel like that, but it's not, no matter what, your life should mean something to you. I am now in a stable place, my life means something to me, not much more than it used to, I'm still working on it, it's a long process. "No, double B, I'm not, I'm just tired and sick of everything. I wrote a beautiful song today, but you should sleep now, you look tired."

A smile creeps up on his lips, his white shiny teeth showing up. "Please tell me if that changes, I'll be there in a second." Shaking my head, I wipe some of my tears away. "I will, sleep well, sweet dreams!" We wave at each other and then end the call. I sigh throwing my phone on the bed and splay on top of the sheets, starting at the ceiling. With my eyes closed I can once again take myself back to that night, when we danced, drunk or red Shiraz wine, swaying to the sound of 'Are you lonesome tonight'. Humming to myself, I get up and change into my purple silk pajamas. Lost in thought I almost miss the phone buzzing. Answering the call without looking who it is first. As I pick it up and look at the screen, the fact that is yet another FaceTime call is obvious and mess of blonde hair is showing up on the screen.

"Hey there!" The breath gets caught in the back of my throat as I lock eyes with Austin through the screen. "Austin..." he chuckles at my dumbfounded face, almost like him FaceTiming me out of the blue is just as normal as drinking water. "Yeah, I just wanted to see how you were? Been thinking of you and I read that pice of shit of an article. I wanted to make sure you're fine" I'm still a bit confused about this whole interaction, not really sure if it's real or if sometime between talking to Timmy and changing I fell asleep, so now this is all a dream. A beautiful dream. I also try not to read too much into him saying he's been thinking of me. "(Y/n)?" Austin's voice grows concerned as I seem to be just a frozen image on his screen, unmoving and definitely not breathing.

Shaking myself up, I push some of my hair behind my ears. "Sorry, yeah, no. I'm, well, you know , right, I'm -" I'm fucking rambling nonsense. He licks his lips, catching the bottom one with his top teeth, the flesh turning white, as it's released from the tight bite. I swallow thickly, trying to gather myself up. Taking a deep breath. "Sorry, I'm tired. The article, was-" I pause searching for the right thoughts. "A misogynistic piece of shit." He finishes for me making me giggle. "Yes, that exactly." He seems to be happy that he's managed to make me smile, a pleased look on his face. "Busy day?" He asks and I nod.

"Fitting for the Oscars, then I was in the studio until a few hours ago." Austin hums low, that sound vibrating through me like electric current. "Anything I can hear?" The question catches me a bit off guard. "I get it if I have to wait with the rest till the album is complete and out, but I like hearing you sing." And this right here is what I meant when I said, I liked the way he played his game, because he's a master at making me fold. The blush that rose into my cheeks, a scarlet shade, painting my skin. "Wait here!" He laughs as I prop my phone up on my pillows and jump off the bed, to run into the living room and get my guitar.

"Ok, I'm back" I say jumping on the mattress, placing the guitar in my lap. "I can see!" He snickers, making me blush one more time. The soft pads of my fingers, brush the rough strings of the guitar, the simple cord progression filling the room with a beautiful slow sound. "Ok so this song is not done. I'm waiting for Finneas to come to New York next week and finish it." Austin nods, turning over in bed to lay on his side, one hand tucked under his head. Sleepy blue eyes staring at me. "Don't be that way, fall apart twice a day, I just wish you could feel what you say" I sing, harmonizing the words. "Show never tell, but I know you too well, Got a mood that you wish you could sell." Sighing I keep going, preparing myself for the dark and twisted chorus. "If teardrops could be bottled, there'd be swimming pools filled by models. Told a tight dress is what makes you... a whore" closing my eyes, I push back my feelings. "If 'I love you' was a promise, would you break it if you're honest? Tell the mirror what you know she's heard before"

"I don't want to be you anymore..." this is how far I've gotten to writing this one. Opening my eyes again, I look at Austin, but I'm not able to read anything about what he's thinking. "That was so beautiful." A relieved sound escapes my lips and I lick them before talking again. "Thank you, it's not really about runway models, I meant models, like, the people you look up to." He nods "Yeah I get that's it's about the pressure you're under when you're supposed to be some example for the world" blinking stupidly at him, I feel the kick of my heart against my chest, like a punch coming from the inside.

Placing my right hand on top of my heart, I massage slow circles into the muscles there, over my silk top. I see something in Austin's eyes change and if I didn't know any better I'd say it's jealousy? But that can't be it.

Looking down at the place where my hand rests on my chest, you can clearly see the bracelet Joshua gave me, but that upsetting him makes little to no sense, he clears his throat before speaking. "Did I get it right?" He asks, a tint of knowing in his tone. With a big smile on my face, I nod. Austin seems fairly pleased with getting the meaning of my song right.

In the silence that falls between us for a few seconds, my stomach growls and I pray he didn't hear it, but he did. "Did you eat today?" He asks and I try to hide my face in my shoulder, knowing how red it must be. It's embarrassing for my body to betray me like this. "No, I didn't have time" he sits up on his bed, ruffing up his curly hair. God how soft it look, I wish I could touch it.

"Go eat, it's not healthy to not eat." Sighing I look at my lap, running a list of everything I have in my fridge. There's plenty of food, but none of it sounds appetizing and I'd have to cook it, which I hate. "I'm not that hungry." As I say that, my stomach makes a point to growl again. "I think your body betrays you here." He says giggling. The sound of his soft laugh, bringing a smile to my face. "I'd have to cook, not my forte, I'll eat tomorrow." I try to reason, but it's clear he won't have it.

Austin stands up from his bed, confusing me a bit about where this is going. "Well I'm hungry as well, so why do we cook together?" He raises a brown at me, biting his lip in waiting for an answer, but he's already up and walking to his kitchen. I laugh and also drag myself off of the bed, to make my way into the kitchen. "Ok I'll trust you." He smiles from ear to ear, walking quickly through his house.

When the both of us are in the kitchen, I place my phone down, prompting it up on the counter against a jar of cat treats. "Let's make French toast? It's not hard." I shake my head before he gets a chance to defend the choice of food. "Ok not that, let's see..." he looks through his fridge and pulls out a cartoon of eggs. "Scrambled eggs?" Austin questions. "Yeah, that we can make." I say, going over to my fridge to get everything out.

After I lay everything out in front of me, looking at Austin expecting, waiting for me to tell me what to do, even though I actually know how to make eggs. "Ok put the pan on the stove, medium heat" I do as he says, following his steps, like I've never done this before, hoping he won't see through my little lie. "After it's warmed up, add butter and crack the eggs in it." Carefully I add butter into the pan and swirl it around to coat it evenly, then I crack two eggs and discard of their shells into the bin. "Good girl" I get goosebumps all over and it's a good thing I have my back to the phone cause I know that if he were to see my face right now, he'd catch me and my little crush. "Use the spatula to mix the eggs in the pan and break them into smaller pieces."

With a shaky hand I grab the spatula and do as instructed, staring into the pan, like it'll give me an answer, like those eggs would arrange themselves into a sentence and say: you're not dreaming, he likes you too. Suddenly I feel an itch all over my skin, like I miss something and when I realize what it is, it hits me like a train. Because it's his touch. I miss him. The way he swayed with me in my living room, like we had no worry in the world. "Show me." Austin demands and in a robotic stance I take the phone and turn the camera towards the pan. "You're a natural, add salt and pepper." I put the phone down, adding the seasoning as he said.

After a few minutes our virtual cooking class ends and we are sitting each at our table, in different states, looking at each other through a phone. "So when are you coming to LA for the Verity interview?" He asks eating some food. Putting some food into my mouth as well and chewing it carefully, I skim through my schedule into my brain. "Hm so today it the 28th, Oscars are on March 12th, I should be there on the 15th" I nod double confirming the information I just gave. "You'll have to come over, have dinner, I'll make you pizza in my stone oven, I bought this house especially for it, my ex's had one and in the beginning of quarantine I got addicted to it."

"Yeah I know, you told me you once cooked 20 pizzas in a day." I interrupt and he laughs drinking some water, leaving me staring at his Adam's apple moving up and down. "Yeah I guess I did, so are you coming?" Eating some more food into, I try not to seems so desperate about seeing him, so I struggle to be casual. "Sure, I will." Austin seems happy with the answer. "Great it's settled, I promise you, I'll cook you the best pizza you've ever had."

"Could you actually teach me how to make it? You're a good teacher." I ask. Austin seems a bit surprised at my request, but a wide smirk quickly appears on his face as he scratches his chin. " 'Course I'll teach you, we'll make it all, from the dough to the very end" I raise my brows at him, shocked at the extent of his love for cooking. "Hm ok then it's only fair I find something to teach you." I get up from the table and move over to the sink to rinse the plate and pan and put them into the dishwasher, cleaning after myself. "How about crochet?" He suggests, the fact that he remembered it is a hobby of mine, making my heart skip a beat. "Sure, I'll do it." I say drying my hands on a towel, folding it and placing it back in its place afterwards.

Taking the phone in hand and walking back into my room, I plop down onto the bed. "Was that a twilight poster I just saw?" Austin asks, a deep color flushing my cheeks. "Maybe" I bite my lip to stop my smile from getting too big and turn the camera around to show him my poster wall. "Wow, marvel, Disney, twilight, lady Gaga, Madonna, you've got all the goods." Austin's amazed tone makes me laugh. "Well what can I say, I like the things I like and I love posters, let me show you this one." I get up and take him over to the opposite wall to show him the huge poster I have of Elvis singing dressed in the leather suit, for the '68 comeback show. "I have that suit." Turning the camera quickly around so he could see my surprised face, I search his face for a hint that this is a lie, no way he just casually confessed to stealing such a piece.

"I'll show it to you when you come over, I have the movie replica of course, but still, it's beautiful." His raspy voice sounds so angelic, I could listen to it nonstop. "I can't wait for you to show me." I say jumping back on the bed. "You didn't show me your room, when I was over Saturday." Austin points out, pouting like a little child. "It escaped my mind, I guess" I try to play it cool, but he can probably see right through me, as he laughs. "I'm sure it did." A wide smirk stretching on his face.

I turn on my side in bed and put the phone down on some pillows, so he can see me without me having to hold the phone up. "So how about you, any interesting work in the future?" He shakes his head rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands. "Not for the moment, just press, but then I start working on Dune 2, in late August, so I guess that one will be exciting." I knew that, Timmy told me he was casted for a role in that movie, but I try to hide the fact that that was already known information for me. "Hm means you'll get to know Tim plenty." I conclude. "Yeah, I guess I will. Though I'm not sure he likes me, that much." I shrug my shoulders, knowing that's only half true. "It's my fault though, I kind of, you know"

"Dated his ex?" I finish for him, as he nods. Austin's lips stretch out in a thin line, he seems fairly embarrassed by the fact that I knew about him and Lily-Rose. "Well Timmy will get over it." Relieved he lets out a breath that gets caught in his lungs midway, following my next words. "If you are on your best behavior" I push my lips together trying to hold my laughter in, but failing miserably as a fit of laughter shakes my body and he follows suit joining me. "Your laughter is so beautiful." I stop laughing and look at him wide eyed, he seems just as surprised as me, that those words came out of his mouth. Austin moves his mouth open and closed like he's trying to say something, but nothing comes out and I'm holding my breath, scared that if I were to breathe right now, this whole moment would vanish. "Thank you." I whisper, placing the backs of my hands on my cheeks, feeling how hot the flesh is burning.

Neither of us knows how to move on from what just happened, but we have to bounce back. He has a girlfriend and I'm, well, I guess I'm just me. William jumps up on the bed and comes to snuggle close to me, getting in the camera view. A wide grin shows up on my face as I pet the cats fur and it immediately starts purring. "Hey there good boy." Austin says, as William turns his small head towards my phone, sniffing at the screen, before burying his face in my neck, making me giggle at feeling of his wet nose against my warm skin. "He likes me" Austin states proudly, smiling from ear to ear. Just then a yawn goes past my lips and in true lady fashion I cover my mouth with my hand.

"You're tired and I'm keeping you up." He says sounding disappointed. It's then that I look at the time and see it's now almost midnight, means I should probably get back to sleep as I have yet another early morning tomorrow. "It's fine-" "Oh god I'm so stupid, it must be midnight in New York right now, I'm so sorry." He interrupts me, apologizing for not taking into account the three hours difference. The way he seems so upset with himself, raises a new feeling within me, again a very unknown, very warm feeling, indescribable by all means. "You should be sleeping" now Austin's voice sounds almost scolding, like he's somewhat directing the loosing track of time on me as well. I feel small and bring my knees up to my chest, caging William in between my torso and legs. "I'm sorry, it's my fault, I should have thought about time difference." Austin sighs, dragging a hand over his face. "I just, I don't know, I got home and picked up the phone, calling without thinking."

"It's ok Austin, no harm was done, plus if it weren't for you, I probably would've gone to sleep without eating." The features on his face don't soften, if anything they grow more stern. "I'll take that win, but you should know that's not ok, you should be eating!" He seems to be slowly relaxing and coming back to his jovial stance. "Anyway guess it's time I let you sleep. Sweet dreams, my darling!" He puts three fingers up to his lips, kissing then and blowing the kiss to me. My heart starts racing and my cheeks flush a deep burgundy color. "Goodnight Austin!" I say and end the call with a small wave.

After the call is ended, I shift on my back and hold the device close to my heart. "My darling" I whisper, as if the words were a sacred spell. He called me darling and he called me his. The ceiling is spinning and I feel light headed. I can feel the irregular thud of my heart against my breast bone and I struggle to get my breathing back to normal. I feel like I'm flying. Is this how having a crush feels like? Like you're drunk? Not that I've ever been drunk, but I've been tipsy in the past and it feels like that, only stronger.

Closing my eyes I dive back into my memory of his soft lips against my cheek, the way it felt as the little wet spot left behind dried. I go back to his flaming hands on my waist, missing the weight of them. I remember the way my cheek rested so perfectly against his chest as he held me close, like we were two puzzle pieces, designed to fit together.

I'm woken up from all my dreaming as the phone vibrates against my chest, my excitement picking up, thinking it might be Austin. The notification is not from him, but it still has the power to get me to blush even harder, if that were possible. Joshua's name shines on the screen and I open the text.

🎶Joshua🎶:

Hi, sorry for not calling today as I promised and sorry for the late hour, I just got back to my hotel from a gig.

Me:

No worries, I don't mind the hour.

🎶Joshua🎶:

Let me make it up to you. Are you free tomorrow?

Me:

Sure, I think I can manage some free time around noon.

🎶Joshua🎶:

Perfect, how about a walk in Central Park?

Me:

That's my favorite place in the city.

🎶Joshua🎶:

Ha lucky me, seems like I guessed right and you'll be sharing that secret place with me after all. I count on you for a tour💟

Me:

You've got it. Good guess by the way. Hope your gig went well. Did you have fun?

🎶Joshua🎶:

Yes!!! it was amazing, I love playing in front of my fans. I have another one Thursday night, you should come.

Me:

Hmm 🤔 sure I'll be there.

🎶Joshua🎶:

Ok I'll sing my best! I should let you sleep now. Have a nice sleep, honey💟

Me:

I'm 100% sure you'll do great. Get some sleep as well, it's late. Gn💟

I lock my phone and place it on my nightstand, trying the relax enough, so that I could get some well deserved sleep, but I'm wide awake. Wide awake thinking of how my mind keeps circling back to every pet name Austin and Joshua use with me, struggling to convince myself they are just verbal ticks and not a real signs of affection.

Pushing my face harder against the pillows, I count my breaths, slowly coming down to sleep. But before I fall into complete darkness a flash of color splashes in front of my eyes, it's blue, a shiny Egyptian blue - his eyes.

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[subbe93]

The Roulette of Destiny part 11

Peaceful days come to Osaka and Ran appreciates them. Yet, she starts to miss having Shinichi's full attention, so would it be a good time to continue their journey? Or is Shinichi ready to go to back Tokyo?

A/N: I have to admit, I'm not very confident with this chapter. There are many things that part of me would have wanted to change, but I couldn't figure out how. I can say that when I wrote this, I was kind of tired to do too deep investigations, and part of me was ready to move on with the story, which is the reason why I'm kind of scared that this chapter isn't more than rushing things xD But maybe I shouldn't be the one who judges my own fic...

Well, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Chapter 1 ~ Chapter 2 ~ Chapter 3 ~ Chapter 4 ~ Chapter 5 ~ Chapter 6 ~ Chapter 7 ~ Chapter 8 ~ Chapter 9 ~ Chapter 10

Chapter 11

A few days went fast in Osaka. Ran enjoyed that time with her new friends. Day after the shopping mall incident they spend their day mostly at Heiji’s and Kazuha’s apartment, watching movies and playing some board games together, and mostly making sure that Ran’s ankle got enough rest. She also took her new phone on the use. Luckily her old photos were safe on the memory card, so her loss wasn’t big. Though she had to admit, all the photos she took with a new phone to memorize their time together, were looking so much more beautiful and precise. One of the group photos she sent to Sonoko with a message that everything was fine, she was fine, and she would call her later.

She got a fast answer: Wait?! Is your stranger Kudo Shinichi?! The Kudo Shinichi? That private detective from Tokyo?

Ran rolled her eyes. Oh yeah, there would be so much to explain.

On the fourth day Ran’s ankle was better, so she demanded that they would go somewhere. They took a slow tour of the Tempozan Harbor Village, went to the marketplace to see different shops and restaurants, took a lap in Ferris wheel, and took a sightseeing cruise with a Santa Maria. On the fifth day, they went to the Tennojii Zoo, which was nice and calm compared to the city tour that they had done at that point mostly. And seeing all those animals made Ran only excited since it wasn’t every day to see the African savanna’s environment.

Yet, on the sixth day, she was pretty sure that she wanted to continue her journey. Their journey. It wasn’t like she didn’t enjoy Osaka’s sightseeing or loved to spend time with Kazuha and Heiji, but she missed spending time with Shinichi, and only with him. She didn’t have a chance to be only with him since every time they were together, Heiji or Kazuha showed up. She really loved her new friends, but she really missed the time when there were only two of them. She missed his attention.

So, on the sixth day, when Shinichi went to the balcony talking on the phone after lunch, Ran decided that it would be her chance. As soon as she saw him put down the phone, she stood up and apologised for leaving before going to the balcony. She really hoped that Heiji and Kazuha wouldn’t follow her.

“Who was that?” Ran asked while shut the door behind her. After that, she realised that it wasn’t her concern who he was talking to.

“Just some work”, he said, showing her a little smile before looking at the view from the balcony. Part of Ran waited to hear more about it, but when he didn't continue, she went beside him and leaned to the railing. She opened her mouth but shut it. She didn’t know how to bring up her issue.

“What’s on your mind?”

Ran didn’t look at him. “I… I was thinking if we should continue our journey”, she said. Part of her felt a little guilty even though she was sure that there was no reason. They have been in Osaka almost a week, and probably, sooner or later Kazuha and Heiji would like to be alone. And in the end, even though she had sent their – her – wedding plans to her mother, it didn’t mean that she could stay on the road too long.

“Fine by me”, he answered. From the corner of her eyes, she saw how he looked at her. “Is there some particular place where you want to go?”

Ran couldn’t stop the smile coming to her lips. There was one place where she had wanted to travel some time now, thanks to Sonoko, who once told about her family trip there and how nice and romantic city that was. Of course, Ran kind of had forgotten it, but now that they were in Osaka and since it wasn’t far from here…

“Well”, Ran began, trying to act like it wasn’t a big deal at all, “I have heard a lot about Kyoto…”

She heard him smiling shortly. She looked at him. He was looking at the city. “Well then, Kyoto it is.”

And Ran had to use all her willpower not to scream with happiness and jump onto his neck. She really needs to plan their agenda, and maybe Kazuha also had some good tips and places to visit…

On the next morning, they left farewells to their Osaka friends and continues their journey. Even though Ran was happy that there would be again only two of them, she still started to miss her new friends. She felt kind of sad, but she tried to remind herself that this was only temporary goodbyes, and since Kazuha gave her phone number, Ran could always contact her. And in the end, who knew if she would get a new chance to visit in Osaka later, or maybe, if those two comes to visit in Tokyo, she could join them.

The journey wasn’t long and soon they were in Kyoto, and as soon as they got to their luggage in the hotel room, Ran wanted to go to explore the city. It was mostly walking around sightseeing until Ran started to feel hungry and kind of decided that they should go to a picnic in Kyoto Botanical Garden. Well, Shinichi didn’t complain about it, but to Ran, he didn’t seem to be a big fan of it either. It was still a nice and calm place after Osaka’s busy streets and Ran thought it was beautiful and romantic in there. So many lovers around them, walking hand in hand, taking cute couple photos, and whatnot. Ran kind of hoped that one day she could do that too.

That night Ran felt a little lonely even though she shared the room with Shinichi. He answered her babblings and all, but still, somehow Ran felt lonely, like he wasn’t with her. Maybe he was just tired. And in the end, she would have good plans for tomorrow, so maybe it would brighten his mood.

The next day they made their way into the Kiyomizu temple. Of course, the building had its own history and was gorgeous, one of those “must visit when you’re in the city” but Ran mostly had her own reason to get there: She really wanted to see and try to get luck for her love life.

“Do you really believe something like that?” Shinichi asked with a mocking smile after Ran had explained to him the idea of the two rocks which were apart from each other. It was said that if you are able to walk from one stone to another with closed eyes, you will have good love luck.

“I do”, Ran answered. “And since my marriage is arranged, I believe I need all the luck I can have just to get a good man to myself.”

“I’m not sure if it works that way”, he said.

“It doesn’t kill to try”, she replied. Then she saw those rocks in front of the Jishu shrine. “There!” she shouted and ran closer. She looked around and was pretty happy that there weren’t many people around. Well, in the end, the early wake-up and coming here as soon as they were ready was also part of her plan. Now there was a good chance to get this done!

“I can’t believe this”, she heard Shinichi complaining. “Is THIS the reason why we needed to wake up so early?”

Ran made her way to the other stone and stood beside it. “Yes”, she answered with confidence. “And I’m going to do this as many times as I need to.”

“But isn’t it losing its idea if you just tried again and again?”

Ran glanced at him angrily. “I didn’t ask your opinion, Mr. pessimist.”

Shinichi shrugged. Ran turned her glance back to the other rock, trying to memorise its location before she took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

“Don’t cheat.”

Ran wanted to roll her eyes. “Don’t disturb me!”

And she did it. She walked all the way to the other stone and didn’t even have any problem with that. She looked at the stone happily before she raised her gaze to find Shinichi, who just stood there both his hands on his pockets and looked at her bored.

“Come on, Shinichi, why don’t you try too?” she asked with a smile when she went to him and gripped his arm. “You probably need that luck too.”

His facial expression was non-readable. He looked at the stones before he moved, making Ran lose her grip. “I don’t believe these kinds of things”, he answered.

Ran pouted and felt bad. It wouldn’t hurt him to get himself even a little luck. “Well, it wouldn’t hurt to try”, she answered, but since Shinichi didn’t change his mind, she went after him.

They spent a few hours in Kiyomizu temple, touring it and reading and hearing about its history and story over the years. Ran’s other plan was to get on the Otowa Waterfall. There were three streams which were believed that they gave different things when drinking the water: One would grant longevity, the other one offers success at studies and the third one gives good luck in love. And she knew exactly which one she wanted to choose. She filled her cup with the water which promised good fortune with love and drank it.

“Your turn”, she said and turned towards him.

Shinichi didn’t seem to be impressed.

“Come on, you need this too”, she said, grabbed his arm, and dragged him closer.

“I don’t”, he answered.

“Yes, you do”, she insisted and gave him the cup. “Please, Shinichi. Please?”

He sighed. “I don’t understand why you are so bothered about my love life fortune”, he mumbled while filling his cup.

“Because I think you deserve all the good luck with that arranged marriage”, she answered. He glanced at her before looking at the cup and the water. After a moment of hesitation, he drank it. It made Ran happy.

After the tour of the temple, they went to the aquarium. Shinichi wasn’t so willing to go, since they could go to the aquarium in Tokyo too, but to Ran, it wasn’t the same, and after a little argument, he gave up. But as amazing and romantic as that place was, Ran couldn’t enjoy it since Shinichi was pouting. Ran started to feel bad that she had insisted.

She tried to make it up to him, ask him if he wanted to go somewhere. He didn’t. That night at the hotel room she apologised to him for being so stubborn. He said that there was nothing to apologise for, and with a smile, he told her that he should be the one who should apologise. And still, even though they cleared the air between them, and everything should have been alright, there was still something hanging on. Shinichi was there, but to Ran, it felt like he was too far from her. As much as she tried to reach him, she couldn’t touch him.

Well, that was the feeling that had followed her from Osaka, after that shopping mall incident, but then Ran had thought that the reason was that she hadn’t had enough time to spend only with Shinichi. In the end, there were always Kazuha and Heiji, and of course, they wanted Shinichi’s attention too. She thought that the reason for the distance was that, and she really thought that after they would come to Kyoto, they would be closer to each other like before.

But that hadn’t happened. At least, not yet.

On the third day Ran fought for the bamboo forest and Kifune shrine, since she really, REALLY wanted to visit them. Shinichi was against both of them since public transport took from an hour to two on one way and they haven’t even talked about how long it would take them to take the tour in those places, but since Ran pointed out that they didn’t have any other plans for the day, he accepted. Well, actually he promised that they would take a taxi so those trips would take too long.

Arashiyama Bamboo Forest was a beautiful place. It took three hours to walk around it, admire the view and monkeys. Even though Ran had seen pictures about the place, being there was a totally different thing.

Kifune shrine was their other destination, and of course…

“Path of Love”, Shinichi repeated and looked at the stairs in front of them. “Really?! All the places in Kyoto and I needed to come all the way here just to see and experience the Path of Love?!”

“Why are you so cynical?” Ran asked while she took a photo of the stairs. She smiled and looked at Shinichi. “I think we need all the luck when it comes to love life.”

Shinichi rolled his eyes but didn't answer. They walked the Path of Love and paid respect to the God of Water.

That evening Ran was tired, but happy. Well, almost happy. She had had so much fun, saw all the things that she had wanted, and got a chance to get all the luck for love that she could. Maybe gods will let her have a good husband and much love. That’s all she would ever ask.

But there was still a problem with Shinichi. As much as Ran had hoped that a good night's sleep and a nice day walking in the calm and peaceful places would make him in a better mood, it didn’t. For Ran, it almost felt like it made everything even worse. Day by day he was less excited and happy to be there with her. Day by day he was more quietly and cynical.

Day by day it felt like he was closing himself away from Ran, and she hated it.

She knew that she should bring it up. She knew that it would end up badly, but since he didn’t want to tell her what was bothering him, she didn’t have many choices. In the end, they were in this together, and…

What if he didn’t like her anymore? The thought of that was terrifying, but somehow also very potential. What if he had enough of her, but didn’t dare to say it? Well, she knew that Shinichi wasn't very good at telling about his emotional feelings, but if he would have gotten tired of her, he would have said it, right? He had all the rights to tell her that he wanted to go back to Tokyo. But then again, he agreed to come to Kyoto. If he would have gotten tired of her, why would he bother to spend any more money on her? Why haven’t they gone back to Tokyo already?

Or maybe he didn’t like Kyoto. Maybe he didn’t like romantic things like Ran did? In the end, he hadn’t suggested any places where they should visit. All those had been Ran’s ideas. Oh well, he had been against today’s destinations, but Ran thought that the reason was the distance, not the places themselves. But then again, if he didn’t like those, maybe he could have said something?

Well, whatever the reason was, Ran knew that she needed to bring it up. And she did it, as soon as they got back to their hotel room.

“What’s wrong, Shinichi?”

“Hmm?” he asked. It took for a moment before he understood her question. “Oh, nothing.”

“Nothing?” Ran repeated and put her bag on her bed. “It’s hard to believe.”

“Long day”, he answered shortly. It seemed that it was the answer when he didn’t want to share his worries with her. “In the end, we walked so much. Maybe tomorrow we should do something more relaxing?”

Ran just stared at how he took off his jacket and throw it on the back of the sofa. Then he stretched.

“You’re not enjoying Kyoto.”

He froze for a moment before he turned to her. “What?”

“You’re not enjoying Kyoto”, Ran repeated and tilted her head a little. She frowned. “You are somehow distant.”

He stared at her, and Ran couldn’t read anything from his face. But yet, Ran was sure. Something was tearing them apart silently, and Ran didn’t know what. But she really wanted to find out. He was her friend, and Ran didn’t want him to be alone with his troubling thoughts. If she only could take his burden…

Ran waited for an answer but didn’t get it. Instead, he turned his back to her and walked to look out from the window. She looked at his back and felt sadness. She had really thought that Kyoto would be a perfect place for them. It was nice and beautiful, full of romantic places, and…

Oh, but maybe that was the reason? Maybe all those romantic places reminded him about the marriage and his worries about it. In the end, he was the one who told her in Shizuoka that maybe he would never hear the words “I love you” with meaning. Maybe seeing all those couples in those romantic places reminded him of that.

It made Ran feel terrible, and she looked away. Why hadn’t she thought of that earlier? Well, maybe it would be a good time to leave Kyoto behind. At this point Ran had seen those places that she wanted, so she could suggest to Shinichi that they should leave, and he could think of the next place. Maybe it would cheer him up.

She took a little smile on her lips and went closer to him. “We can leave if you don’t like to be here”, she said gently and raised her hand to stroke his back. He startled a little, but Ran didn’t stop. Maybe he was too deep into his thoughts? “We can go wherever you want. I mean, in the end, Kyoto was mostly my decision and I planned almost all those places without asking you beforehand, so I think it’s only fair.” Then she let out a laugh. “Actually, I shouldn’t even be the one who suggests this. You are the one who pays for this trip, so…”

She waited, but he didn’t answer. He didn’t even laugh. He just stared outside. It made Ran only uneasy. Why he was like that? Why did he keep her waiting like this? Ran knew that he wasn’t good for sharing his worries or feelings, but she really hoped that he would. Because this meant that she should pull the answer out of him, and part of her didn’t like it. But he didn’t give her many choices here.

“Shinichi?”

“We should go back home.”

Ran felt how her heart sink. It shouldn't have been surprising, and yet, it somehow made Ran's whole world turn around. Hearing that was only a matter of time, but...

She just stared at him before she got out her first reasonable thought: “What?”

His facial expression changed more determined. “We should head back home”, he said without meeting her gaze.

“Why?” she asked. “I know we didn’t talk about continuing our journey, but still, I thought…”

“It’s better to go back home”, he interrupted her. “Time is running out and didn’t you say that there is so much to do? So, you should go to prepare.”

Ran forced out a laugh. “I planned my wedding things pretty well with Kazuha-chan”, she answered.

“They maybe have to fix your dress, it can take time…”

“What’s wrong, Shinichi?” she interrupted him. “Wasn’t it you who said at the beginning of our journey that everything would be fine if I just send them some of the dresses that I’m interested in and my exact sizes? We also planned my hairstyle, flowers, and whatnot just that I could spend more time with them, with…” She shook her head. “Why this change? Why are you so worried about my wedding out of a sudden?”

“It’s better that way”, he said still avoiding her eyes.

“I don’t want to go home yet”, she answered stubbornly.

“Well, I want.”

“Give me an explanation, Shinichi”, Ran demanded. “Give it to me and I accept it.”

At least he turned to her. He looked angry and annoyed. “Why”, he asked. “I’m adult as much as you are. I have my own mind, my own thoughts. Isn’t it enough that I want?”

“No!” She felt so angry. “If you really want to go home, you would have brought this up earlier, not like this, not out of blue...”

“So what?” he shouted. “I can change my mind when I want to!”

“I don’t believe you!”

“Why not?”

“That’s not you!”

He laughed dryly. “Don’t tell me you know me.”

“Well, I believe I do!”

“What, we have known each other like two weeks, and you tell me you know me better than anyone? Maybe all this time I have just pretended to be someone else, and…”

“You haven’t”, Ran interrupted. Then she let out a frustrated scream. Why had it needed to be like this? “Why are you like that? Why can’t you just tell me what is bothering you?”

“Nothing bothers me”, Shinichi denied.

“Yes, something is”, Ran argued. “There is something you don’t want to share with me, and that’s the reason why you want to leave.”

“No, there’s not!”

“Is it your parents?” Ran tried. “Are they pressuring you?”

“No!”

“Your fiancée. Is she bothering you?”

“No, she isn’t!”

“Then, the whole marriage thing”, Ran screamed desperately. She didn’t have many options anymore. She didn't even know what to suggest next. “Is it bothering you?”

“Nothing has anything to do with that stupid marriage!” Shinichi shouted back.

Ran cried out. “Then what?!”

“Because I’m falling for you!”

It felt like a time had frozen around them. There had been a thin string that had been keeping all of this together, all of this hidden, and now, it had broken. Ran wanted to move, breathe and say something, but she couldn’t do that. Instead, she just stared at how Shinichi’s anger melted slowly away, changing for a moment shocked before there was an embarrassment and… and sadness. He turned away from her.

“Shinichi…”

“There, happy to have it?”

She knew… She knew she should say something because she also knew that silence wasn’t a good answer for something like that. Yet she couldn’t make any reasonable sentence in her brains. There wasn’t anything else than just his words, flying from the wall to the wall like an echo.

He was… falling for her…

It was so hard to breathe. It was like there weren’t enough oxygen…

She snapped out of it when she heard some movements.

“I’m going outside”, he said silently and without facing her, took his jacket, went to the hallway, and put on his shoes. Ran knew she should stop him somehow, and she tried to say his name, yet any sounds didn’t come out. She tried to move, raise her arm, go after him, grab on his t-shirt and stop him, but before she did, the door slammed, and he was disappeared.

He was gone…

Chapter 12

[wornoutmouse]

Deku cursing is so hard to write. Uraraka slander, I don't really hate her but this was needed. Cunt is such a funny word.

"Zuku are you ready?!" You call out as you put on your hoop earrings. You were going to a hero gala of sorts and of course you wanted to look your best.  "I think so y/n." 

Izuku walks out from the bathroom looking absoulutely scrumptious as he rolled up his dark green cuffs that matched perfectly with your green slit dress. You lick your lips as you trail your eyes down his form groaning when you get to his feet. "Really Deku, the red converse?!" He blushes, "I feel like it's very nostalgic to wear these shoes especially when we're seeing the others."

"Yeah well go be 'nostalgic' with those green bottom church shoes I got you in the closet." You rolled your eyes before fluffing your hair as you hum your way past Midoriya's whines of displeasure. 

When you arrive it's extravagant. Paparazzi are lining the outskirts trying to get even a pinch of an interview with a hero. "Puppy, stay here I'm going to go try to find the others!" Izuku yells over the noise as he heads towards the line of limousines arriving alongside the building.

 "Miss, "H/N, can i ask you a question!" A reporter calls out to you.

Judging by her shakiness and crooked glasses, she was a juvenile reporter. Feeling bad, you decided talking to her wouldn't hurt. "Sure what would you like to know?" The reporter fumbles through her notes elegantly ignoring the hateful glares coming from her peers. "Um, w-what is your take on the recent rumors, b-between pro hero Uravity and Deku?!" 

You hold your chin in thought, as far as you knew there were no rumors surrounding the two so maybe this is a new one that just barely breached the surface. "I'm sorry you're going to have to tell me this rumor dear." The reporter blushes at the term of endearment before fumbling with her notes once again. "I uh, according to a few eye witnesses, Pro-Hero Deku and Uravity were seen together late at night multiple times alone.

You laugh out loud scaring nearby people. "Oh really, are there any photo evidence of these meetups?" Outwardly one would think you were amused but they could tell by the way the blood drained from the thing reporters face that she realized that her new career depended on her proof. The other reporters had cleared away once the senior hero's arrived so it was just the two of you minus the civilians.

The clumsy girl fumbled with her phone and borderline dropped it from her sweaty grasps as she tried to keep her cool. 

Low and behold, there was a crystal clear photo of Deku and Uraraka walking into a park with big bright smiles on their faces. "Interesting.." you mutter squeezing the phone so tightly that it bursted. You blink before shaking it's remains from your hands.

 "Sorry about that hon," you pull out a few hundreds and toss them her. "Use this to buy yourself a new one." The reporter nods weakly and walks away clutching at her chest.

"Y/N!" Izuku calls out to you waving you over. Behind him is the rest of 1-A and next to him is....Uraraka. "Sup Bakuhoe." You say daping up Bakugo who only grunts in response. 

As you all go to walk in, Deku reaches for your hand but you quickly walk up to Shoji and start a miscellaneous conversation. "What's up four arms?" Shoji rolls his eye at you before slinging his webbed forearms around your shoulder.

From behind, Izuku purses his lips at the sight as Uraraka takes this as a chance to latch onto his and start a worthless conversation.

Inside the plaza, there are lights adorning the walls and ceilings creating a warm golden glow onto the various colors gliding across the floor as the hero's conversed below.

"Izuku honey can you go get me some wine?" You ask jutting out your bottom lip as you gesture to the table adorned with finger sandwiches and a river of chocolate. "Sure!" Izuku immediately perks up as he heads trip the table, Bakugo following close behind. 

"So...Y/N, you look nice!?" Ochako  starts up picking hesitantly at her nails. You swallow the distain and put a smile on your face once again. "How have you been Ochako, it's been a while since we've all seen each other." Momo clasped hey hands together, "It has hasn't it?! If someone would have told me hero work would be this time consuming, I would have second guessed my choices."

Todoroki shook his head, "No you wouldn't have." Suddenly pink arms wrap around your shoulders in a tight embrace, "Y/N!!! Heya g-friend!" You giggle as you feel a chin rub the top of your head. "Mimi you gon mess up my hair!" 

Mina laughs as she comes into your view, her vibrant pink skin blending with her red dress. "I see you girl, matching with your husband!" You tease watching her pink hue turn darker. "Your one to talk! Where's Katsuki anyways?" Your point to the wine table, shaking your head as Mina struts off. 

Moments later, Izuku walks over with two glasses of a clear alcohol. "So Y/N, anything new come up recently?" Ochaco asked poking at a small piece of cake settled on her plate. You gingerly take your glass from Izuku as he sits down next to you. "No I have not, why is there anything you'd like to share?" You stare at Ochaco over the rim of your glass as you sip.

Uraraka's eyebrow twitches slightly as she plasters on a tight smile. "No, not at all." 

From the corner of your eye you see Bakugo shift in his seat as the subtle hostility in the air gets thicker. "Aye nerd, come over here, I need to talk to you about something." Deku places his glass down and stands up oblivious of the situation as always.

"Is it hot in here or is it just me?" Momo asked glancing from the two of you. "You know Y/N, usually in this stage of life, one would settle down with their…highschool sweetheart?" You bite the inside of your cheek at the comment. "Oh Uraraka you're so funny, just because Kaminari and Jiro are married doesn't mean we need to add well!" Momo chuckles softly. Under the desk you could feel her leg tapping rapidly from nerves. 

You down the rest of your drink and release your curled hair from it's bobby pins before turning to Ochaco. "Look sis, if you got something to say, say it." Uraraka giggles playfully, "All I'm saying is it's very strange that Deku seems to have so much free time that he's able to spend a lot of it with me all the while he had a.. loving(?) Girlfriend at home."

Shoji tensed in his seat and tried to make himself look smaller which was in no way an easy feat.

You clench the table sheet in your hands. "Is it getting darker in here?" Todoroki asked as he watched the small shadows in the room grow in size. "So, Uravity, what are you two doing during your alone time since you seem to have something to say?"

Ochaco smirked as her brown eyes darkened, "Oh a few things, but I don't think any of them are appropriate to discuss in a public place like this. Maybe it is where your from but not in Japan." 

Momo squeeked, "Uraraka that's so rude! Y/N you know she's only jesting, Deku would never do something like that"

The room had darkened considerably and the other guest had finally took noticed  including Deku and Bakugo who were talking in the most well lit part of the room. "It's about time she reacted." Bakugo said as Deku quickly shuffled back towards the table.

"Puppy?" You breathe shallowly glaring at Ochaco who gave you one last look before putting on a scared face. "Deku, I don't know what happened, she's freaking me out!" Izuku places a hesitant hand on your shoulder, "Y/N what happened." You close your eyes and stand up, "It's nothing, I think I'm ready to go home." 

You head to the car with anger in your heart as Izuku stays back to pay respect to the others. From any onlooker, you would think the end was near from the way shadows seemed to come out from the darkness and wrap around you as you headed towards the car. "Okay Y/N calm down." You say to yourself as you take out your keys. 

"Puppy." Izuku mumbles sliding his hands around your waist, gently burying his face into your neck. "What's wrong?" You grunt shrugging your shoulders, "Get off." Deku releases you after placing a gentle kiss on your shoulder. "You can't avoid me."

You both get into the car and sit in silence as he drove. "What have you been doing with Uraraka?!" You say staring ahead. "What do you mean?" 

"Why are there pictures of your an Ochaco floating around in less than appropriate places?!" Izuku glances at you and sighed, "Nothing puppy, Uraraka has just been asking to spar with me."

"Then why didn't you tell me?!" You yelled slightly making Deku swerve a bit. "I...I didn't think it was important?" Your roll your eyes, "You had me clueless and stupid." Was all you said before you got out the car. Deku got out to follow you but his phone suddenly rang, "Who is that Ochaco? Go ahead and answer since you have so much time for her." 

"Puppy it's not like that!" You slam the door in his face and head to the room.

Moments later Deku walks in  but you ignore him. "Puppy?" You remain silent "Puppy I'm sorry for not telling you, I didn't think you'd care." You whine into the sheets turning your head away. 

"That was Momo, she told me what happened. It's not true…what Uraraka said" 

You didn't reply but you lifted your head to look at him "I'm not speaking to you." His eyebrows furrowed as he walks behind you. 

*Thwap!*

You lurch forward as a hand comes to grab your ass cheek. "Huh?" Deku crawls up and straddles your thighs while gently massaging your lower back. "Want me to make it up to you puppy?" Izuku asked, kissing the back of your neck sucking lightly. "You looked so good at the party that I was jealous." You moan softly as teeth sink into your neck, "You let Shoji touch you but not me? That hurt puppy." 

A soft hand trails up the expanse of your leg where your dress split open. "Zuku?" You feel something hard press into the curve of your ass. "I wanna make you feel good puppy, forget about the rumors."

You find yourself turning around with Deku settled in between your opened legs. Your dress had rode up your legs so Izuku took this as an opportunity to press kisses to your lower stomach and naval. You huff Izuku pressed kisses on your face, "Will you forgive me?" Two hands take hold on your thighs and pull you forward. "Or will I have to make you?"

Deku kisses you, accidently clinking your teeth together making you grunt. You trail your fingers through his hair drinking his moans with your mouth. You pull Izuku further into the bed as you switch positions opting to straddle him instead. "I wanna be on top."

Deku licked his lips as he gazed hungrily at your breasts. You pull the dress over yourself sighing as your chest fall out, bra-less. "Y-You were walking around in nothing Puppy!?" Deku asked, face flushed as he took in all the bare skin displayed in front of him. "Well I was thinking of doing something naughty while we were at the party anyways." You reply, looking at Deku with lidded eyes as you played with your hardened nipples.

Izuku leaned forward and took your nipple into his mouth sucking lightly on your bud making you toss your head back. "Your so perverted puppy."

By now Deku was extremely hard as you rocked yourself back on his unclothed length, when that happened, you have no clue.. "Sit in my cock puppy, I need you so bad!" 

You reach behind yourself and grab Izuku's dick, positioning it below yourself. Izuku moans softly as you side down slowly making him sheath snuggly inside of you. It took all l the strength in his body not to thrust completely inside of you.

You rock slowly trying to adjust to the feeling of fullness. Izuku may be shy in the streets but the length of his dick was not. "You're so fucking warm." He growled, wrapping his arms around your waist before thrusting once, pushing the rest of himself inside of you. You whine as your nails unapologetically scratch the curve of Izuku's back.

Contrary to popular belief, Deku was a slut for pain and the feeling of your nails breaking through his skin only edged him more as he suckled dark bruises onto your right breast praying you'd adjust soon. He trails his hands down your sides before coming back to grip your ass in-between his hands.

You trail your hands down your stomach and rub soothing circles into your clit. Izuku watches closely as your face contorted from pleasure while you made yourself feel good. Each flick of your fingers made your cunt clench on his dick as it twitched inside you.

Izuku rolls his hips purposefully up into you, making your breath hitch as it slowly exits your body before slamming back in. 

Soon you'ry both breathing heavily and Izuku is using his full quirkless strength to lift you up and slam you back down on his cock. "Fuck you feel to damn good!" You wrap your arms around his shoulders as your body bursts with pleasure. "I'm gonna cum, make me cum Izuku!"

Deku lays back a bit and watches your boobs bounce with the force of his thrusts. "You gonna cum? Then cum puppy!" You arch your back as Izuku's thrust turned frantic and rhythmless. The sound of his balls hitting your ass was hilarious yet sexy as his fingertips would briefly light up with green sparks, shocking your nerves every time. 

The room was filled with a series of 'fucks' and 'so close' as you used your little bit of strength to bounce on his cock. You trembled from the overstimulation as Izuku cums inside of you, filling you up so much that you could feel it deep inside your womb.

You roll off of Deku and he immediately pulls you towards him in a loving embrace. "M'sorry for not telling you Y/N, i won't do it again, promise." He mumbled into your hair which had miraculously survived your seat inducing activities. To your left, Deku's phone rings and the name Ochaco flashes before you. Izuku was already snoring softly behind you so seeing this as an opportunity, your answer it.

"Hello? Deku?" You hum softly as to not give away your identity. "How did it go with Y/N? I feel so sorry that she embarrassed you in front of everyone like that… You know if you ever want to talk about it, my door is always open." 

You growled and opened your mouth to tell her off but a hand, soft but firmly, removes the phone from your hand. "Uraraka, I think it's best if we maintain a professional relationship from now on." From the other line you could faintly hear sputtered responses, "What do you mean, I-I was just trying to help and-" Izuku gently grips the bridge of his nose, "Shut up and don't lie to me, I don't want you near me or my family, now excuse me while I cuddle with my freshly fucked wife." 

You slap your hands over your mouth in shock and laughter as Izuku hangs up the phone without further response. Izuku smiled softly before rolling over on top of you, "Oh, you're not off the hook yet puppy, keep laughing and I'll put that mouth of yours to use next.

[digital-corruption]

This took me so much longer to write. Work has been crazy busy this week and I literally have been passing out as soon as I finish eating dinner. Finally had a quieter day so I could finish this part and move on. It's long so that sort of makes up for the wait?

Haunted by the Past Part 64

There was a lot of debate of where to go shopping. Jake preferred a small store with less security, but I preferred a department store with less employee interactions. Plus I’d need shoes and a handbag. In the end I won and we went to the next town over to the department store there, but not without Jake disabling the CCTV recording for two hours before we entered.

I decided before walking in that I had to counter Jake’s shadiness by going without my hood and mask as to not alarm the employees. After all I was the one there to shop and he wasn’t. The uncomfortable boyfriend was an all too familiar sight for the employees.

Jake stood awkwardly at the end of the racks while I looked for a plain suit in my size. I didn’t want anything that stood out, but I had to make sure I could move in it. It was proving harder than I had thought.

“It’s been a long time since I had to dress up,” I sighed. “Not since I had to interview.”

“Just choose one?” Jake groaned.

I gave him a scowl, “You want me to wear bright purple? Or how about a pencil skirt? Those are easy to move in!”

“Sorry,” he was taken aback. “Men don’t get many options.”

“You wore suits?” I glanced over at him.

“Occasionally when I had to meet with high-profile clients,” he explained.

“I can’t imagine you in a suit,” I giggled.

“It was the worst,” he groaned. “Stupid ties and forced smiles.”

“You complaining about it, that I can imagine,” I smiled. “Ah! A basic, grey pants suit! As unassuming as one can be! I'm going to go try it on.”

I started to walk over to the dressing room when I realized Jake was following me.

“Jake, you know you can’t go in there with me, right?” I raised an eyebrow.

“What if there’s a camera in there?” he frowned.

“Jake, the likelihood of that-” I shook my head as he reached into his backpack and pulled out his scanner.

“Just humor me and check please?” he tilted his head and gave me the sweetest expression that was impossible to resist.

“Fine,” I sighed as I took the scanner and shoved it into my back pocket.

The sales lady gave me a bemused smirk, “He knows there’s no monsters in there, right?”

I couldn’t help, but laugh, “He’s a wee bit scared of the dark.”

“Just one? Take your pick, all of the rooms are free,” she gestured.

I chose the first door and went in. After hanging the suit up, I eyed the scanner and considered whether I’d actually do it or not. I sighed and figured checking wouldn’t hurt so I scanned the changing room up and down and to no surprise, it was clean. I shook my head and started to get undressed when my phone beeped.

Jake: Did you check??

MC: Yes, there aren’t any cameras

Jake: Good.

Jake: Keep an eye out for anyone slipping a camera from the next room.

MC: It’s empty...

Jake: Did you double check? They could be standing on the seat.

MC: Jake, I’m not being perved on.

Jake: That’s what the girls in the videos and photos being distributed online thought too.

“Would you feel better if you waited for her in here?” the sales lady suddenly asked loudly. “She can’t try on the clothes if you keep texting her, love.”

I covered my mouth to silence my laughter.

“Uh, no, I’m good,” Jake responded shyly.

“It’s ok, there’s no one else in here right now. You can wait in the room across from her,” the sales lady encouraged.

Judging by the sounds of shuffling feet, she had won. I finished getting changed and checked myself out in the mirror. It wasn’t a bad fit, thankfully. A little long in the legs, but nothing a small heel couldn’t fix. I opened the door to Jake sitting uncomfortably in the changing room across from me.

Blushing, he whispered, “She made me.”

“A clothing store employee twisted your arm and made you wait in the ladies dressing room?” I teased.

“She’s very intimidating,” he winced.

“You'll survive,” I laughed. “Well?”

Jake looked at me confused, “No one stuck a camera under the divide.”

“Not that! How do I look?” I spun around.

“Um, MC, you look good in everything. You can’t expect me to provide an objective response,” he frowned.

“You’re no help!” I responded exasperated.

“He means to say that the suit brings out your best features,” the sales lady interjected.

I looked at Jake questioningly. He sighed, “What she said.”

I laughed and thanked the sales lady before changing back into my regular clothes. As we left the dressing room, she winked at me.

After paying for the clothes at the register, I joined Jake waiting to the side. “Can we go now?” he begged.

“I still need shoes,” I pointed out to his disappointment.

I took Jake’s hand and led us over to the shoe department to find some simple, comfortable shoes that I could run in if needed. Jake kind of got stuck looking at the stilettos. He was noticeably baffled by them.

“How can anyone walk in those?” he questioned.

“With great difficulty,” I smiled.

“These ones are vertical!” he pointed.

“Don’t worry, I won’t be wearing those,” I patted him on the back.

“What’s wrong with sneakers?” he asked.

“Uh, not exactly classy,” I shook my head and went to look at the business styles. “Mmh, see these are more practical.”

I picked up simple shoes with a small heel in my size and in a brand I’ve worn before. After trying them on and finding they fit and were comfortable enough to move around in, I purchased them.

On our way out, I stopped and grabbed a handbag to match, large enough to contain everything I’d need, but not too bulky. This was the only time Jake had any real input as he was interested in all the sections.

“It’s not for spy tools,” I laughed.

“Why else would you have a secret pouch inside the bag?” he said as he closely examined it.

“Shall we get you one these bags too?” I teased. “I’ll have to get past security so don’t put anything sus in there.”

“I won’t,” he smirked.

“Well, this is the last of it. You’ve been such a good boy,” I patted him on the head. He frowned at me. “We could go somewhere you want to go as a reward.”

“Actually, there’s a few things we should pick up,” he handed the handbag back to me.

“Ok, I’ll pay for this and we can go,” I smiled.

--

“Is that...?” I looked at Jake confused

“It is!” Jake grinned.

“But it’s so small!” I exclaimed.

“And yet it is a fully functional computer,” he responded gleefully.

“In a USB stick?” I tilted my head confused.

“Mhmm, and it can run off a power bank. It'll be like you’re carrying a computer in your bag. One that I'll have remote access to,” he said in a sing-song voice as he popped one in his basket.

“And that’s better than my phone?” I asked.

“Yes, your phone is likely going to be under heavy scrutiny. A seemingly normal USB stick and power bank won’t,” he insisted.

“Wait, do I still get my epic spy moment?” I questioned.

“This is about getting access to the CCTV so I can keep an eye on you. It won’t help me get access to the terminals,” he clarified. “The terminals are on a much more secure, closed network.”

“Ok, anything else we need?” I looked around.

I had to admit I felt out of place in the specialized electronics store, which was probably how Jake felt in the department store. This store had aisles after aisles dedicated to various computer parts. While it all looked the same to me, I knew the specs meant everything to Jake. You could see it in his face, he was in his element.

“I want to check earphones and we still need two very unique USB sticks for you,” Jake thought out loud. “Plus, if it's ok with you, I'd like to pick up some better parts.”

“Whatever you need that we can afford,” I smiled.

Jake smiled back and took my hand as he led me to the audio section. Even though he had his hood up and he was masked, he still kept his head low. Every time we passed another customer, he’d look away or lower his head further.

In the audio section, he looked through the various earbuds until he found the smallest I had ever seen – like a true spy would wear. We continued on through the other aisles while Jake grabbed this and that to upgrade his machine. He mumbled about wanting another machine and more monitors, but that wasn't in the budget, as I reminded him. The extra USB sticks were picked up from the side displays.

“Was there anything else I need?” he looked at his full basket, then at me.

“You’re not seriously asking me that,” I laughed.

“Looking at you helps me remember,” he tilted his head. “Hmm, maybe I should put a wiretap on you.”

“Seems a bit excessive. Won’t you be listening through my phone?” I questioned.

“I have to assume some systems will fail. We need redundancies,” he sighed.

And back to audio we went. They had a lot of bulky microphones, but not exactly discreet. However, Jake then spotted the power bank with an in-built listening device.

“How did I miss this earlier?” he looked puzzled. “I was just going to give you my power bank, but this is so much better.”

I frowned at the price. “Do we have enough?”

Jake glanced down at his basket sadly. “I’ll have to forego the extra RAM for now.”

“We all have to make sacrifices,” I patted him on the back.

He frowned at me, “I'm already making my fair share of sacrifices here.”

We went to put the RAM back on the shelf, then headed to the checkout when Jake stopped me.

“I need you to handle the checkout,” Jake sighed.

“What? Why?” I looked over at the cashier, who was busy with another customer.

“Fashion store employees may not be on top of the tech news of the world, but...” he tilted his head down a bit more as another customer walked past.

“Oh, right. Ok, I’ll pay for these and pray they don’t ask me anything specific,” I took the basket from Jake.

“What would they ask you?” he looked at me confused as he pulled out his roll of cash to hand to me.

“I don’t know! I don’t even know half of what I’m looking at!” I said flustered.

“You’ll be fine,” Jake reassured me. “I’ll be outside, ok?”

I nodded and he gave me a peck on the forehead through his mask, before walking out rather swiftly. I noticed the cashier watch him leave and then look back at me carrying the basket, then relaxed. A bit worried about shoplifting? Ok, sure, Jake does look and has been acting shady. I carried the basket up to the checkout and plopped it on the counter.

“He left you to pay for everything?” the cashier smiled at me.

“Oh, he had to make a call,” I lied.

“Doing some spy work?” the cashier joked as he went through removing all of the security devices.

I looked down at the power bank, which had written on the box that it was perfect for recording lectures. “Ah, no, just needed something versatile for recording my post-grad classes. I have this one professor that barely takes any breaks when he talks.”

“Oh, but this is a bit overkill. You could easily get the same out of one of the recording pens for a fraction of the price,” he paused in ringing up the products.

“But I also need a power bank because I keep forgetting to plug my phone in at night,” I fake laughed.

“There are cheaper power banks,” the cashier looked at me puzzled.

I could not get this guy off my case. I glanced at the window and saw Jake looking in. He was confused as to what the hold up was.

“I do need to get going, so if you don’t mind ringing me up, that’d be great,” I gave the cashier a patronizing smile.

“Just trying to help,” he mumbled as he continued on.

I tried to pull out the roll of bills discreetly, but judging by the cashier’s expression it wasn’t as discreet as I had hoped. Ok, sure who pays for a substantial amount of goods with cash anymore. It is far too sus, but I just wanted to get out of there.

“I'll need your name and phone number for the warranty,” he asked meekly.

“Maeve Lancaster, 773-4206,” I responded.

The cashier looked confused as he entered the number in. He probably realized it was a fake number, but he could find the hidden message in his own time.

I finally got the bags and my receipt off him and headed outside to Jake. He immediately took the bags from me and looked at the receipt.

“What was that about?” he asked.

“It’s nothing,” I sighed.

His eyes went dark and he turned the receipt upside down, “It's not nothing if you told him ‘Go to hell'.”

I smiled, “You got it at first glance.”

“Of course I did,” he smiled back. “But seriously, what happened?”

I shook my head and took his hand, “Mmm, it’s over, let's go home.”

[echo-three-one]

Chapter 32

THE ROAD SO FAR

Mr. and Mrs. MacTavish

Francine "France" Winters

MacTavish Residence, Glasgow Scotland

3:46 AM

Francine squinted her eyes as she checked her phone, the bright light illuminated her whole visage. No new messages. John promised her he'd text her as soon as the mission was over. According to their briefing, the recon mission should've ended about four hours ago.

She shifted her position and turned to Maxine who looked sound asleep. A soft smile escaped her lips once she realized that Maxine was safe within her reach.

She forced her eyes to close again but couldn't quite get the sleep she needed. She wondered if John ever got tired running in her mind. After failing her last attempt to get some sleep, she slowly got up and made her way to the kitchen for some milk.

Much to her surprise, the kitchen lights were open and Samantha sat on the dining table, her chin rested on her arms as she stared on her phone.

"Can't sleep?" France asked and it shocked Samantha a little.

"Yeah. He's supposed to text me three hours ago. Now I can't help but worry." Samantha groaned in frustration.

"John promised that too…" she slowly placed her phone on the table and it beeped. The womens eyes widened as France excitedly unlocked her phone.

Her smile almost reached the heavens but soon after reading the notification, she suddenly went back to her frown.

"What was it?" Samantha asked, raising her head and looked at Francine.

"A software update notification." Francine sighed and went to grab a glass of milk.

"Say, France… has it ever crossed your mind that John would be the one you'll end up marrying?" Samantha asked. Francine's cheeks burned immediately at the idea as she envisioned herself living in a house with three children with mohawks running around. She wasn't ready for all of it but she's blushing at the sheer idea of it as if she liked it.

"Umm… uh.. I'm not sure. Sam." her tone was really suspicious, as if hiding something and making up blatant lies. She just wished Samantha couldn't see through her.

"Sorry for that kind of question. It's just that… I think that Alex is the one for me… that's why I'm this worried about him. I couldn't sleep knowing he's not beside me…" Samantha explained while pondering her situation. If that was the case for her, then France's insomnia could also mean that she's…

"I guess it's normal to feel that way…" France defended, downing a half full glass of milk.

"You've been with him for quite some time and you both admittedly loved each other, that's why you showed concern toward him." She continued.

"So, that goes to you too? Right?" Samantha asked. France once again got cornered by her own train of thought.

"Look. Yes. I'm concerned about John too… he's…" she smiled.

"He's something else… I'm far too ready to reopen myself to a relationship and he actually told me he was willing to wait and be a friend in need." she continued, now her heart was beating slowly but fluttering at the idea of her thoughts. John was willing to wait. That meant that she could have all the time at her disposal until she was ready to love again. But such time needed was already up, as she was already denying the inevitable feeling of love she was projecting toward the Scotsman.

"Sounds like you're already ready." Samantha teased.

"No I'm not!" France immediately dismissed her, grabbed her phone and went back to bed.

"As a matter of fact, I'll sleep right now!" She said as Samantha just laughed and waved goodnight.

France slowly paced in front of John's room. She felt as if there was a huge magnet pulling her towards it and the longer her phone doesn't ring, the more convinced she was to get in. Succumbing to temptation, she pushed the doors open and sneaked her way in.

His room was always her favorite place in the house. It showcased a lot of his personality that no one could ever see in him. Landscape drawings and sketches filled the room. Football jerseys with autographs were framed on the walls along with photos with his favorite athletes.

At first glance, everyone would say that John MacTavish had it all, but when you're staring at his eyes while having a heart to heart talk, you would know that that isn't all true. He didn't have it all.

France saw his black journal by the bed. It was strange that he didn't bring it for his mission. Last time you asked him what's inside, he just chuckled and said "mission details", showing a sketch of Price labeled 'caterpillar moustache'.

France was then again tempted to open the page where he left off, showing a beautifully sketched face of her, occupying the whole page.

"Tough on the outside, soft in the inside. Just like me." was written on the corner of the page.

"I knew that you saw through me the moment we met…" She whispered as she closed the journal and yawned, crashing on his huge bed they both shared days ago when she needed someone to talk to. Covering herself with the thick covers, she inhaled the signature MacTavish scent which still lingered on his bed and it was actually effective enough to lull her to sleep. It's as if he was there beside her.

France woke up as soon as it came to her senses that Maxine would be looking for her. Throwing the covers away, she immediately rushed back to her room. Pulling the door open and sneaking her way back.

The silent clattering of the plates and casual conversations filled the kitchen. Jack was talking about some of his experiences while Samantha and Maxine were giggling. Much to her curiosity regarding the two unknown voices, both male and female, she slowly descended the staircase and peeked.

Aside from Jack, Samantha and Maxine, there was a man and a woman, possibly married, who sat together by the table. She actually felt nervous once her sight landed on the man. If he was younger, his resemblance with John would be almost accurate. And judging by that look, Francine leaned to the idea that this was John's father.

John's father had the physical qualities of a Scotsman but the appeal of a western businessman. His accent was almost not Scottish.

"Ahh. I miss my home so much. Do you mind if I let loose a little?" Mr. MacTavish asked and his wife, judging by the body language of holding on his hands, chuckled at his idea.

"Don't worry. It's your home. You should feel comfortable." Jack replied with a smile.

With a deep sigh, Mr. MacTavish actually let loose and exhaled a very deep ramble in s heavy Scottish accent. His wife replied with the same energy and everyone cackled. France was amazed at how easygoing his parents were and it told a lot about John's upbringing.

"Ooh! Looks like our other guest woke up!" Mrs. MacTavish mused upon making eye contact with France.

"So Maxine, this is your sister?" Mr. MacTavish.

"Yes, Mr. Jonathan. It's Francine." Maxine answered and France waved and smiled at the MacTavishes. Her whole body felt awkwardly nervous. She felt like this was the 'Meet the Parents' part, except they weren't really a thing… yet.

"Nice to finally meet you, Sir Jonathan and Ma'am…" France shook his hand and paused at Mrs. MacTavish.

"It's Julianne." She smiled and shook her hand. For a moment, Francine actually felt her heartwarming touch as she slowly eased the nervousness away.

"Don't be scared of us dear. We don't bite." She smiled and Francine smiled back. When John told her about how serene he felt around his mother, he wasn't joking. Her aura was powerful.

"Honey, looks like there are a lot more women in the force nowadays. Have you ever wondered if our boy John has liked any of them?" he asked playfully while France was trying her hardest not to choke on her orange juice. It looks like Max and Samantha were just giggling on their own.

"Well dear, why don't we leave it up to John to introduce us to her." She chuckled and held her husband's hand.

"Where is he anyway?" Jonathan looked back by the door.

"He's still on a mission." France answered and everyone else looked at her.

"What I mean is, they are still on their way home." She corrected, stuttering as she replied.

"Well, it's such a shame we had to leave now. Duty calls!" Jonathan stood up and everyone followed them to the front door, waving their goodbyes. France shyly followed behind them and joined the group as they sent their goodbyes to John's parents.

As soon as the car left their sights, everyone else eased and released the pressure they felt.

"Woooah. Soap has some nice parents. I thought they'll get mad at us for crashing in!" Maxine said, sitting beside France.

"Well, Soap just proved to us that not all businessmen are evil, despite what television suggests." Jack added and yawned. It was still early and he already planned on sleeping.

Samantha sat there and stared at her phone. France checked hers too and called her attention.

"I didn't get any texts from him. But I assure you, they'll be here soon."

"So, tell me how worried you were when I didn't text." John smugly asked France while he emerged from the showers, a clean white towel was the only thing wrapping his body.

France just sat by the bed, her whole body facing opposite John. Her brows still furrowed at the idea that he wasn't able to text her that they finished the mission without harm.

Their arrival earlier was not quite the arrival she expected. Her heart was supposed to flutter at the sight of John, but instead sadness filled the whole house. Alexandra Ryder was gone, and it would be too rude to reach for his embrace at the time of mourning.

"I wasn't worried one bit." She spat and crossed her arms. He could hear John laughing a little and she wanted to look at him, but his stubbornness needed to be fixed, that is if she could.

"Really? Then how come I heard from Samantha that you were up at three-" France quickly turned to her back in an attempt to stop his trail of thought, but she was surprised that John's face was already close to hers as he was crawling towards her while he talked.

France's world paused for a little as her eyes met his, gaze locked on his icy blue stare as her heart started to beat differently and her ears started to heat up, and lips slowly formed a smile.

Her eyes trailed down to his lips, where it also happened to curve differently. He was smiling and it never occurred to her that John had smiled like that before. Her lips involuntarily pouted as she felt John's face inch closer to hers, as she slowly closed her eyes and let the Scotsman take over her lips.

The first kiss was quick, their lips just met each other for a short while and they both backed up, eyes locked on to each other, both sparkling and wanting for more.

"Fine." France whispered and reached for his cheek.

"I can't stop worrying about you, dumbass." she added and John let out a soft chuckle, leaning in for another kiss, but this time it was more than they both wanted. This time it felt like they were released from all the things constraining them. France actually gave in to him for the second time, and she was glad that she did this, because John sure was a very good kisser.

Next Chapter : The Broken Ship

Notification Squad my Beloved

@beemybee @samatedeansbroccoli @enderio @smokeywhalee @whimsywispsblog @ricinbach

[waitimcomingtoo]

hi love! do you mind telling me the entire story of when you met tom? idk where to find it and i'm seeing other anons talk about it. if you don't feel like it i completely understand and you can disregard this ask. hope you're staying safe x 💖✨

I would love too! I’ve never told the full thing on here so thank you for asking! I hope you’re safe and healthy 💛

Here’s my story of meeting Tom at ACE comic con

The convention was in August and I got my tickets early July and didn’t tell a soul in case the plans fell through.

The amount of research and prepping I did to make sure my makeup wouldn’t make me look like a ghost and things like that was unreal

The day came and I took a train to Philadelphia because I’m from New York the night before and stayed a a hotel right next to the convention center and when I tell you I did not sleep for a SECOND that night

I got to the convention center around 8 and waited on line for his panel

He came out to All I Do Is Win 🥺 and talked about Spider-Man leaving the MCU and some other things for about an hour

My photo op was at 1 so I walked around the convention and met some awesome cosplayers (including a venom cosplayer who asked ME for a photo with him on his phone and then proceeded to lick me with his fake tongue)

I’m not kidding (I was so scared)

I got on line at maybe 12:30 and waited on this huge, wrap around line until about 2:50

I finally got to where you drop off your bags and my heart was going sicko mode

I entered the room where he was and GUH the way I nearly died

There were a few girls in front of me and a lady asked me what pose I wanted to do and I told her a hug and she said, and I quote, “sorry, no hugs”

I was deadass about to cry because I paid all this money, came all this way, and waited all this time for no hug???

But then the girl in front of me hugged him and the lady laughed and said “oh! I guess you can hug!”

So THANK YOU to that girl in front of me

Now it’s my turn

I walk up to him and my legs and shaking and I do NOT look this man in the eyes

I say “hi, you’re from heaven” and he goes “aw thank you”

please don’t judge me for what I said, I cannot be accountable for what comes out of my mouth when Tom Holland is standing next to me

I ask him for a hug and he says SURE and I ask if he can prop his leg up and the way his face lit up 🥺🥺 and he said “of course!” like he’d been waiting all day for someone to ask him that

We take the picture, and I think I blacked out?

he smelled kinda sweaty and kinda like cologne and just like…British

I still have not looked him in the eyes at this point and as I’m walking away, he kinda slides his hands that were on my back to my arms and he HOLDS ME THERE so I look up at him

It was like slow motion 😔

And he looks me in my eyes and I look him in his

Im like 👁👄👁 and he’s like 👁—👁 (because he doesn’t have lips)

And he says

“I’ll see you later, okay?” With the cutest smile and puppy dogs eyes and I DIED

I think I said okay? I was definitely out of my body at that point

So I leave and I start crying RIGHT AWAY

I get on line and get my favorite photo in the world that I look at every day and have printed on a blanket lmao

He was the sweetest, funniest, and most genuine man and I am forever lucky to have met him

And we were wearing matching outfits! Our minds

Here’s our picture 😉

[ay9599rm]

Touch Of Hell

Summary: In life, there are a lot of plot twist most of them are too much that you don’t want to believe it’s real.

A/N: Not edited or beta’d. This is my first ever fic! i’m sorry if there are many errors. 

Feedback is greatly appreciated

Warnings: Mention of Death, Violence, Gun Threat 

Word Count: 854

Part 1

I went straight home after dropping off Yoon Seo at her house. A lot has happened today, Yoon Seo and I went shopping for new dress and suit for the

celebration of her comeback drama that also became huge all over korea. everyone was there including my co-workers who became her friends while she was a trainee in the law firm. she also told everyone that we are dating. isn't it amazing that someone who's on the top, famous, beautiful choose to remain grounded?

Being a lawyer i prefer to be private, i've been doing it for so long but after meeting yoon seo and having to spen sometime with someone who has different work field

my insight just grew wider sometimes you have to be bold to keep someone stick to their values but sometimes you have to show empathy to comfort them. a ping from my

phone brought me back to reality. a smile plastered on my face knowing who it is. i slipped into my sleeping clothes then check my phone.

from Yoon Seo: thank you for being with me today! i love you.

i let out a squeak after reading that message. i don't know maybe i just love her so much and she brings out the weirdest part of me including this.

To Yoon Seo: i'm always with you no matter what, go to sleep! you have photo shoot tomorrow! good night i love you.

I smiled at my phone after i hit send. times like this makes me forget that i'm a lawyer that needs to be serious and look decent all the time.

another notification popped but its not from yoon seo, it's from my dad asking me if he could meet me tomorrow i agreed and told him that we could meet tomorrow after

meeting with the client after hitting send i lay on my back and closed my eyes still holding that phone. "maybe she already fell a sleep" i thought and so am I.

I was waiting for the elevator when Mr. Yeon came. " Mr. Kwon, you don't have to wait for me everyday" he joked. i didn't say anything and just walked inside the

elevator. " just because you're dating Yoon Seo, you can act like that? " he whined and look at me straight in the eye " i'm still your CEO, at least look at me that way"

he continued in low voice. " hmmm, I've been doing that since you hired me also yes me and Yoon Seo are dating and we will see each other later, so May i ?" and left

him in awe screaming my name in the hallway as i greet our co-worker good morning. I sat at on the couch in my office and read the case file as I waited for Mr. Yoo.

~~~~~~

He's living in Eunhye District " interesting" I said to myself. he wants to file a restraining order to Mr. Seo, a dentist? that's weird i know there are a lot of

people who are scared of dentists but filing a restraining order because he felt creepy is somehow too much but who i am to judge. i will find out why - a knock on

my office door cut my thoughts "now" i said to myself and stood up to open it. "Hi, Mr. Yoo Gi-Hyeok i'm Kwon Jung Rok i'll be your lawyer in this case" i reach out for a hand shake but his eyes widen as he looked at me he become paler than before. " are you alright Mr.Yoo?" detective lee asked, He's assisting Mr. Yoo's balance

"Mo-Moon Jo? he's moon jo!" he pointed at me he's now screaming and making a scene he threw every object he could touch at me and stumbled his way out to the law firm Detective Lee and I tried to calm him down with no avail. he ran outside screaming. We ran after him, we went left he turned right. he turned to roadblock

we went to the alley. he jumped we slipped and that's when detective Lee decided to pull out the gun "stop or i'll shoot you" he shouted while pointing the gun the  Mr. Yoo

"isn't it too much?" i whispered catching my breath "it is but i don't have a choice" he replied. Mr. Yoo stopped running and turned to face us breathing heavily. we slowly step closer to him but he's stepping back. " Mr. Yoo

i'm Kwon Jung Rok, i'm a lawyer" i tried to convince him showing my wallet where my i.d can be seen still walking slowly at him as if a lion studies its prey's movement. "Jagi... i know you. you can morph in to

a new and different person in no time. you can't fool me" he stopped walking. " just kill me eh? i know you want to get rid of me after i killed that detective" he

he smirked looking at me deep in the eyes. he slowly walk towards me not breaking the eye contact and reach for my hands, tracing them "soft" "smooth" "perfect"

with each remarks he slowly put them on his neck "choke me..."

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trashlord-007

[moonlitnight]

This photo came up in my memories, and it just feels weird. How it's already been four years. How so much has changed. How I've changed and ways I've stayed the same.

I still worked at the supermarket then. I was so dependent on my ex. I was so scared of change.

Since then, I've: changed jobs twice, gone to Japan and Canada, gotten pregnant and lost it early on, lost my best friends (& started building up those friendships again), found Yuri on Ice & Haikyuu, separated from my husband, cremated my cat, started dating again, taken the train and subway by myself, slept with some people I wish I hadn't, watched my mom go through chemo and radiation, made new friends, strengthened existing friendships, put too much into a relationship that was toxic, self-harmed again for the first time since middle school, seriously considered killing myself, gone to lots of cons & concerts, slowly found a new partner (& met his friends), gone snow tubing, watched my dad get covid, gotten fired, played a shit ton of Animal Crossing, cried while hiking, filed for divorce (better late than never), tried beef intestine (& was... not a fan), and waited for my grandma to pass from covid. It's been wild.

I'm still anxious and shy. I can be social in small bursts. I'm on my phone too much. I'm stubborn, cry easily, forgetful, lazy, indecisive, overly apologetic. I'm still scared of being judged, and still afraid of change.

The zoloft and meeting more new people toned down my anxiety, but it's still there. To be honest, I'm really scared about life right now. I've been on unemployment and I'm anxious about looking for a new job. Being out there after being home for so long. I know it's part laziness because it's comfortable getting to stay here, play Animal Crossing, watch tv, and do housework. The other part of it is fear over covid, meeting new bosses and coworkers, waking up on time, and going back to that life. I don't want that 40-50 hour work week, where I'm constantly exhausted and depressed. Where I get two days to relax and waste, then rinse and repeat. I get that's how capitalism is, but I'm dreading going back to it.

I met one of my boyfriend's friends recently, and we ended up sitting in her kitchen for a while. It kind of turned into a life coaching session. She said I need to heal from things I've gone through. To think of what I like and dislike about myself. What I'm good and bad at. What I like and dislike doing. Then use that to try to find what I want to do with myself. Because she said she saw potential in me. And surprise surprise, I started crying, like I am right now. She felt like another mom or grandma. It was nice.

I've tried thinking of the first part. It's way easier to find things I think are bad about me. It's hard to not to think of why I'm bad since that's pretty much how my brain's worked most of my life. If you were skinnier, if you were prettier, if you were smarter, if you just talked more, if you were more athletic, if you were less emotional. Maybe you would actually matter.

Alright. I need to stop because I'm legit crying way too hard now and my chest hurts.