#and i'm wondering why my mood is getting worse when i had so much hope in my heart

[bill-gates-hate-blog]

cutting sugar does tank your mood but the moment you realize that's the thing that's making you spiral it doesn't feel so bad

[grimespial]

"I still think you're beautiful."

i kiss the scars on his skin

Carl didn't want you to see him. If Daryl hadn't forced you to get rest after spending all night slaughtering any walkers you found then trying to stay up all night in case he woke up. It was one of the first things his dad told him, you were driving yourself insane waiting to see him.

But what would you think? His face was probably mangled, atleast that's what it felt like, being shot in the eye couldn't be pretty. He'd felt insecure before sure, but this was worse, he felt... broken. Carl knew there was no hiding forever, you would see his face eventually, you would see it and be disgusted and-

"Carl? You okay?" It was his dad, at some point Rick had walked in the room, and he never realised, too busy dreading what kind of face you would make.

"He's waiting you know? He knows you're awake, Daryl has to hold him back." Rick had good intentions, trying to clear the air, lighten the mood with the mention of his boyfriend, but it did the opposite. Carl choked out a sob, tears beginning to pool as he turned his head down, hair covering up the thing that caused all his self hatred.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong? Do you need Denise?"

Carl couldn't manage out a response, so he just shook his head. How do you tell your own dad you never want to see your boyfriend just so you don't have to witness how digusted he gets to your mangled face?

"Come on Carl, I can't help if you don't tell me what's wrong. You can tell me anything, you know this."

"I don't want to see him." It's a wonder Rick could even hear Carl the way his hands muffled his voice, but he caught on why immediately.

"You worried? He won't judge you, i think he'd fight anyone who tried to even look at you the wrong way." His dad layed a hand on his head, slightly ruffling his hair before a shout broke the short silence.

"Let go of me! Why can't I go see him if he's okay‽ I don't care if I need to hurt you to get there!" Of course it was you, any time he was injured you would make sure to check on him. Like always, your voice gave him butterflies but right now he felt sick, and the self-hatred burned again.

i still think you're beautiful

It wasn't long after that you burst through the doors, panting and slightly roughed up. Clearly you put up a big fight to get to Carl, all while he's thinking of ways to never show his face again.

"Carl! You're okay!" Though it sounded more like a question, trying to reassure yourself more than him or make a statement. Even with the sound of relief in your tone he couldn't bare to look up at you.

"I'll give you two some time alone, shout if you need anything."

"I'm sorry I couldn't get here earlier, I tried but they wouldn't let me, I hope you didn't think I was ignoring you.. I'm rambling now. Are.. are you okay Carl?"

Just the sound of how worried you were, how much you care for him broke him. He wanted to treasure this, it wouldn't last much longer and it stung. The last time he felt like this was when his mom was in labour. He couldn't even wipe his tears incase you saw his face.

And then you held him by his chin, lifting his head to meet your view before brushing the hair from over the wound.

"Don't look at me." No amount of hardening his voice could cover the choke and sadness, his face softening in your palms, his whole body was making him more pathetic when he was trying to hide it. It was useless though, he could never hide from you, every single one of his tics you knew. You cared so much it hurt.

"I still think you're beautiful." With one hand you rubbed your thumb across his cheek, making sure not to irritate the wound, and the other you wiped his tears.

"I'm not, don't lie, you're probably disgusted with me."

"I don't think anything about you could digust me, I'll let you know that every single hour if you need it. You're stuck with me now, even if you go down, I'll follow you."

and i dont ever wanna lose my best friend

Carl didn't hesitate to throw himself into your arms, almost tipping you over. You couldn't hold back a laugh at his reaction before leaving a chaste kiss on his lips with a small smile. It was only then that he realised he was exhausted like Denise told Rick he would be, the stress about your reaction apparently distracted him from it.

As he yawned, Carl pulled you back onto the bed, it was a tight squeeze but he didn't want to let you go, afraid that it would all be a dream and you'd be gone. That's how he fell asleep, practically on your lap squeezing you, before dragging you into a deep sleep with him, the comfort to strong to resist as your eyes shut.

That's how Rick found you, nobody had called him so everything should be fine, but it had been a while and as far as he could hear it was silent. Carl would have to forgive him later for coming in if they were still talking, but he needed to be sure everyone was okay. What he didnt expect was for Carl to be lying mostly on top of you, arms wrapped around eachother, the only sound being soft breathing and he smiled. Of course everything was okay.

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

I Believe You, But Tell Me Again

(x)

Summary: Y/N is wondering if Jensen still sees her as he used to.

Warnings/Explicit 18+: Lots of fluffy smut. Sexy af Jensen. Rockstar!Jensen. Definitely a warning. Unprotected PinV sex. Oral (f receiving), Brief fingering, some slightly insecure thoughts, established relationship. Fluff.

Pairings: Jensen x Reader

Word Count: 3,314

A/N: This fic is a request by @lacilou .

I'm not sure if you're taking requests, but I can't get this out of my head. Jensen, in the photo you're using for Off and On Again. Where he's super hot, and he knows it. Kinda cocky but totally in love with the reader (established relationship - married, long-time girlfriend??) And reader doesn't understand why he's so into her, but she KNOWS it even though Jensen has to remind her with "Feel this? It's all for you, "while he's holding the reader's hand over his bulge. If you could throw in "this what you want?" while he's slowly stroking himself as he walks towards the reader, lust in his eyes.

I hope you enjoy it sweetie, and everyone else too.

The dividers below were created by @talesmaniac89

The lights were bright, slightly blinding, as Y/N sat in front of the two cameras aimed at her. There were two cameras so they could decide later on which side was her better side. Or possibly her worse side, depending on the tone of the interview. 

Y/N squinted at the primped and stylish woman sitting across from her getting her makeup touched up. She wondered, would this interview be a friendly one? An interview to say, “Look everyone! Aren’t the Ackles great?” Or would it be one of those interviews that had an edge of nasty hovering just beneath the smile of the interviewer. 

She watched this interviewer, Shauna, pull away from her makeup artist, scowling. “It’s fine, Lisa. Just leave it alone.” 

Uh oh.

The interview started off friendly enough, touching on the things most journalists talked to her about - Jensen’s incredible skyrocketing success, his status as a rockstar icon, what a talent he was. As Jensen’s biggest fan, Y/N always enjoyed those kinds of questions. She couldn’t get enough of bragging about her ridiculously talented husband. 

But then the mood of the interview shifted and Shauna started asking much more pointed questions. 

“Now, Y/N, you and Jensen have been married over a decade now, right?” Y/N nodded. “Is there a secret to your success?” Shauna was smiling, but Y/N could see that her gray eyes were calculating.

It was a question she’d been asked a lot in the last couple of years as their ten year anniversary came and went. People seemed very interested in the fact that their marriage had lasted so much longer than had been anticipated. When Jensen had started dating her, just a nobody from nowhere, everyone had predicted it wouldn’t last. 

People on social media and angry people with podcasts all had an opinion on their relationship.

-- She’s not cut out for the limelight.

-- It’s way too hard for someone like her.

-- She’s not used to the media. She’s gonna break under the pressure.

-- He’s a rockstar who could literally get any girl he wanted. So, what’s up with him picking her?

-- It won’t last. These showbiz marriages never do.

But ten years on, now people were wondering how they actually made it to a decade. “What’s the secret?” They all wanted to know.

“There’s really no secret, Shauna.” Y/N said with a smile. “When two people are madly in love with each other, when they respect each other and work together as partners, staying together becomes much easier.” 

It was a variation on the same answer she’d given dozens of times. It happened to be true, but Y/N was still tired of trying to find new ways to explain to people that they got married because they loved each other, and they stayed married because the alternative was unthinkable for either of them.

Shauna smiled a sharp smile. “And in all those years, you’ve never been worried about the rock and roll lifestyle…leading Jensen astray?”

Y/N kept smiling because she couldn’t falter and let the reporter know she’d scored a hit. They weren’t usually that pointed with the infidelity question. Usually they skirted around it, saying things like, “Does it ever get hard when he’s on the road?” or “You must miss him when he’s touring. How do you keep tabs on him?” 

Y/N’s personal favorite version of this question came from a middle-aged woman reporter with lipstick on her teeth. “Have you ever just shown up to surprise him, or tried to catch him being naughty?” It was said with a cheeky grin as though they were just besties chatting, but Y/N had wanted to snatch the woman bald.

Shauna’s version of the question was the closest anyone had ever come to asking her outright, “Do you worry about your husband cheating on you?”

Y/N kept smiling and shook her head. “No, never. If you knew Jensen, you wouldn’t wonder about it either. He’s the most loyal man I’ve ever known, and the most honorable. I know beyond a doubt that he doesn’t take our vows lightly, and that he would never, ever hurt me like that.”

Shauna seemed slightly taken aback by Y/N’s adamant, genuine answer, clearly expecting some anger or some kind of dramatic reaction from her. When she didn't get it, the reporter just smiled again.

“So sweet.” Was her response, acid dripping from her words.

***

The day of interviews had taken quite a bit out of Y/N, especially the last one, and she was tired as she wandered out to the limousine that was waiting to take her and Jensen back to their hotel, whenever he was done with his part of the press junket.

The limo driver opened the door for her and smiled. “Fatima says Mr. Ackles is almost finished and will be out in about ten minutes. Do you want to wait for him? Or should I take you and send another car for him?”

Y/N smiled back and shook her head. “No, let’s wait for him.”

“Okay, great.” The driver said as he closed the door behind her. 

In less than ten minutes, she saw Jensen push out of the double doors, and amble towards the car. He wore black jeans that clung to his thick thighs, and a gray t-shirt covered by a black, long-sleeved denim shirt. His sleeves were rolled up, revealing the veins and corded muscles in his forearms - muscles he’d gained by long hours spent playing the guitar.

As he got closer to the car, she watched him push a hand through his long hair, sweeping it off his forehead, and she sighed deeply. Good God, he was so stunningly sexy. 

Even when he was just walking, he moved with the same seductive grace he used like a siren song onstage. No matter how many times Y/N watched him in concert, she never got used to that kind of magnetic, cocky seductiveness that poured out of him when he was singing. He knew he drove people crazy. He knew it, and it just made him smile.

He was smiling now as he climbed into the car. “Hey beautiful.”

Y/N smiled tiredly at him, feeling her heart warm at his usual greeting. When he settled into the seat, he reached over and pulled her into his lap.

She squealed lightly as he lifted her, and then chuckled. “You know there are seatbelts we’re supposed to be wearing.”

Jensen shrugged and squeezed her tighter against him. “Nah! I gotcha.” 

Y/N laughed again. “Oh, okay then.” She said, snuggling closer to him. The interview had knocked her off kilter a bit, and it felt especially good to have Jensen’s arms wrapped around her. 

She tucked her head under his chin, and he ran his big hand up and down her arm. “Hey,” he said with concern lacing his voice, “everything okay?”

Y/N nodded. “Yeah, just a long day sitting in the same room, being asked basically the same questions.” She shrugged. “I just wanna get home. Or, well, hotel.”

Jensen accepted her answer, kissing her forehead and then her lips. “Me too.” 

They ordered in their dinner, neither of them keen to face more crowds and questions, and spent the evening watching some trashy reality TV before calling it a night a bit earlier than usual.

Y/N went into the bathroom to get ready. She brushed her teeth and took off her makeup, and as she stood in front of the mirror she looked at her face closely. 

There were some lines there that hadn’t been there when she first met Jensen. She knew there was a gray hair or two hiding amongst the rest that also hadn't existed back then. 

She pulled her silk nightgown tight against her body and could see where she was rounder than she had been when she was younger. Her muscle tone wasn’t as good. 

I should hit the gym more, she thought.

She pinched one of her love handles and pulled at her skin, wondering what Jensen really thought about all these changes. She knew he loved her, knew that he’d always found her attractive. But how was that holding up these days? Did he still feel the same kind of heat for her? Did he still want her as desperately as she still wanted him?

She jumped slightly as Jensen popped up in the mirror behind her to wrap his arms around her waist, and nuzzle his face in the crook of her neck. He wore his pajama bottoms and nothing more. She looked at his biceps flexing around her as he squeezed her back against him, and his round, muscled shoulders, broad and strong, and she sighed. He was still so unbelievably perfect.

She lightly tapped his forearm where it rested just below her breasts. “You scared me.” She said, her voice accusatory.

He chuckled. “Sorry, I thought you heard me.” He caught her eye in the mirror. “But you seemed to be lost in thought.”

He moved his lips to her temple. “What thoughts are swirling around in that beautiful mind of yours? Hmm?” He murmured. 

She shrugged a shoulder. “Nothing.” 

Jensen’s face in the mirror wore a disbelieving look. “Don’t believe that for a second.” He pulled back slightly, and turned her in his arms so she was facing him. A small line of worry was creased between his brows.

“You’ve been quiet all evening; something is obviously on your mind.”

Y/N shrugged again and looked down at their bare feet. “Just tired.”

Jensen put his knuckle under her chin and made her look at him. “Y/N. Tell me.”

Y/N was caught completely by surprise as her eyes welled up with tears. She didn’t know where these doubts were coming from or why she was feeling this way. Maybe it was just one too many snide questions.

Jensen’s face crumpled as he saw her tears. He cupped her cheeks and brushed them away as they spilled over her lashes. “Baby.” His voice was worried and confused. “Hey, hey. What’s wrong? What happened?”

Y/N shook her head. “No, nothing happened. Really. It was just this reporter.” 

Jensen waited for her to continue, but his worried expression darkened slightly in anger.

Y/N bit her lip and debated what to tell him, how to explain the feelings she barely understood herself. Finally she just went for the honesty they’d always had with each other; they’d never been afraid to ask for what they needed from one another, and what she needed was reassurance.

“Do you still want me? I mean, the same as you used to.”

Jensen seemed completely taken aback by the question. Clearly that hadn’t been where he expected this conversation to go. He shook his head.

“Why would you even ask that? Of course I do.”

Y/N frowned. “Don’t just tell me what I want to hear. Please, tell me the truth. Are there things about me you’d change if you could?”

Jensen’s expression turned thunderous and he dropped his hands from her cheeks to grip her upper arms. “Y/N.” He said firmly. “What the hell are you talking about? Where is this coming from? Of course I don’t want you to change.”

“I don’t mean my personality, or whatever.” Y/N explained wiping her tears away with both hands. “But my face or my body, the way I look. I know it isn’t the same as when we first met.”

Jensen shook his head, his voice incredulous. “Well no, you don’t look exactly the same as the day I met you over a decade ago.” He blew out an exasperated breath. “But you know, I’m pretty sure I don’t either.”

Y/N felt her skin flush. “But you’ve just gotten hotter.” She frowned. “Guys do that.” 

She opened her mouth to say something more, but Jensen slammed his mouth down on hers, sweeping his tongue into her mouth and invading her completely. She let out a little whimper as his hands let go of her arms to grab her ass and press her hard against him. He kissed her long, deep, swallowing every soft moan.

When he pulled back his voice was husky with want. “Baby, I don’t know where these questions are coming from, but I know the answers.” 

He grabbed Y/N’s hand and placed it on his hard cock where it tented his pajama bottoms, obviously not restrained by underwear. She bit her lip as he closed his eyes and groaned when she wrapped her fingers around him. 

“Feel this? It’s all for you, all because of you. Fuck, Y/N do you see what you do to me? Still? Always?” He pushed aside some of the bottles and jars that littered the countertop and lifted her onto it easily. His hand slipped between her legs and he groaned at her bare, wet pussy. “Believe me when I tell you that I want you. Every day. All the time. Years don’t change that.”

He shook his head. “In fact they just make things better cause now I know what happens if I do this.” 

He dipped his head, sucking her satin clad nipple into his mouth, while his thick middle finger slid inside her body at the same time. A strangled cry left her lips and she thumped her head back against the mirror.

She felt him smile against her. “Exactly.”

He took his hand out of her to tug on her nightgown. She shifted slightly so he could pull the silky material over her head as he continued.  “And yet, your body’s always a revelation to me. It never stops fascinating me.” His eyes followed the path of his fingers as he trailed them down her arms and then over the soft swell of her breasts. Gooseflesh erupted on her skin and her nipples puckered.

He circled his forefinger around the tight little bud, before dipping his head once again to flick the tip of his tongue against it. 

Y/N moaned deeply and wrapped her fingers up in his honey brown locks. “Jensen.” She gasped as he sucked her breast into his mouth and drew on it deeply, causing her cunt to clench and quiver.

He pulled her forward, to the edge of the counter, and then dropped to his knees. He wrapped his arms around her thighs and pulled her wide open so he could reach his tongue up to tease her hole. Y/N plunged her hand back into his hair and tugged on it before pushing his head harder against her dripping pussy. 

“God, fuck Jensen, yes.” She rambled.

He hummed against her folds before nibbling at her clit, making her knees try to lock around his ears. But his superior strength kept her legs spread wide so he could feast. He breathed hot against her, alternating between flicking his tongue against her clit and sucking it between his plump, luscious lips.

It wasn’t long before Y/N was bucking against his mouth as she rode out her climax while he lapped up her juices. She panted desperately and tugged on his hair again, begging him. “Please Jensen, fuck me. I need to feel you, need you inside me so badly.”

Jensen stood and scooped her off the counter, walking back into their bedroom. He laid her out on the bed, making sure her head was propped up on the pillows, before stepping away from her. He moved far enough back so that she had an unencumbered view as he slowly lowered his pajama bottoms. 

His cock sprang free to lean, hard and dripping, against his stomach. Y/N felt her mouth go dry and a keening moan erupted from her throat as he gripped himself in his fist, pumping slowly.

He walked towards her one slow step at a time. His voice was a growl. “Is this what you want?” She nodded, biting her lips and trying desperately not to come again, just from watching him.

“Tell me you want it.” Jensen ordered.

Y/N nodded again, almost frantically. “Yes, fuck. I want it. I want your cock.” She reached for him as he stood barely a foot from the side of the bed. “I need it. I need you.”

Jensen climbed onto the bed on his knees, grabbing up her wrists with both hands and pressing them into the pillows on either side of her head. He stared into her eyes as he spoke. 

“And I need you too, Y/N. I need you desperately, obsessively. I need you every waking minute. I need your love and your kindness. I need your good soul and beautiful heart.” He entered her in one hard thrust and she cried out. “But I also need your soft body. I need to sink into you. I need to feel you move against me. I need to hear you say my name like a moan. I need to feel you clench tight around me.”

He began moving slowly, sliding in and out of her with silky, unhurried movements. “I will always love you. I will always want you. And I will never need you any less than completely.” He cupped her cheek with one hand. “Do you understand me?”

Y/N nodded and gasped as his cock slid over her sweet spot. “Yes. Yes.” Was all she could manage to chant. But it satisfied him and he began to move faster.

He switched positions slightly so he could lift her hips off the bed, hooking her knees over his forearms. He began to slam into her, hitting that same sweet spot over and over until Y/N was screaming out her overwhelming pleasure and falling into euphoria. 

Jensen continued to jackhammer into her, grunting harshly with each thrust. He pounded into her pussy over and over until she was once again on the precipice of bliss. As his hips faltered, he dropped one of her legs so he could slide his thumb between their bodies and swirl it against her clit. She screamed again and fell for the third time, clenching around him and pulling his climax out of him, along with her own.

The familiar aftermath of damp skin pressed together and lungs starved for oxygen, brought Y/N a kind of all encompassing satisfaction and peace. When Jensen finally rolled off of her, she rolled with him, so she could slot herself up against his side, wrapping one arm over his ribs and laying her head on his chest as he ran his fingers teasingly up and down her back making her shiver.

They were both quiet for a few minutes before Jensen broke the silence. “Y/N tell me the truth.” He said, and Y/N could hear the protectiveness and anger on her behalf permeating his tone. “Did someone say something or do something to hurt you today?”

But she just shook her head. “No, it wasn’t any different than a million other interviews really.” She shrugged. “Something about it just hit me, I guess.”

She raised up on her elbow, chin in her hand, to look at him. “But if you tell me you love me as truly, madly, deeply as you did the day we met, then I believe you.”

Jensen frowned slightly. “Are you comparing me to a Savage Garden song?”

Y/N giggled, but ignored the question, kissing him softly before laying her head back down on his chest. She smiled against his skin as she spoke. 

“I believe you, but tell me again.”

Jensen’s breath ruffled her hair as he sighed contentedly. “I will love you, and desperately want to devour you, every single day of my life - for the rest of my life.”

Y/N nodded, and her voice was full of confidence as she snuggled closer. “Thought so.”

Jensen RPF and Any/All Characters: @lyarr24 @lacilou @deans-spinster-witch @globetrotter28 @suckitands33 @akshi8278 @evznackles @jackles010378 @impala67rollingthroughtown @krazykelly @candy-coated-misery0731 @envyaurora95 @spnwoman @deans-baby-momma

Any/All Fics Regardless of Character or Fandom: @kazsrm67 @slut-for-evans-stan @sexyvixen7 @nancymcl @waywardcheshire

Everything Incl. Fan Edits: @k-slla @leigh70 @eevvvaa @kickingitwithkirk @foxyjwls007 @notinthislife50 @roseblue373 @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @avanatural @mrsjenniferwinchester @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone

[quillsandblades]

What could be the reasons for Hange's death?

I’m not best at doing these analysis posts, but I’ve had this in my mind for a while now and it needs to get out.

As a sort-of writer, I know there’s always reasons to kill off a character, especially if they're well-developed and play a crucial part in the story. So what could’ve gone through Isayama’s mind when he decided to kill our precious Hange? Here’s what I think.

First of all, reading the manga I really felt like her death was forced, staged. It didn't seem right, didn't seem to fit. Now I don’t know if the rest of you felt this way but I sure did. And that's why I'm gonna talk about why I think Isayama killed her.

There are four points in this post and each explains a potential reason:

1. To make the readers cry

Many characters are killed just to give a truck load of emotional damage to the readers. And sometimes authors enjoy it — don’t get me wrong, we love the characters, it’s just what even is a good story if devastated readers aren’t sending you death threats for killing their fav fictional pookie? Such characters often possess some or all of these qualities: Lovable, witty, humorous, determined, has big goals/dreams, you get attached to them easily and if they have a love interest that you’re invested in, and they both got plans to *ahem* live peacefully once a certain war is out of the list of duties, it’s over for you (IFKK 😭).

And who do we know that holds nearly all these characteristics, and died?

Maybe Yams was in killer mood the day he wrote chapter 132. I wonder if he’s doing the evil laugh somewhere, thinking how we’re suffering every day.

2. It’s crucial to the plot

These kinds of deaths aren’t in the author’s hand, and they really hurt us sometimes. I have a few characters very close to my heart and I hope I never have to put them to death cuz I may not have the willpower to write ahead if I do. It happens when you get dead-ends (yes you can get dead-ends even in fiction as well, at least that’s what I think because the setting or world you create has to have some limits), when the rules you have set up to make that world start to cage you in. And sometimes there’s no option but to kill them. Their death is important, it’s a key point, or maybe it’s part of what their personality demands. It’s needed, and it hurts.

But coming to Hange, I can safely say that’s not the case. Her death could’ve been avoided. In the manga she barely managed to get much time. Yes the plane made it, but it’s Hange we’re talking about and she has a big brain. She could’ve made a less harmful plan to stop the Colossal titans right there, I don’t doubt her intelligence at all. Or someone could’ve helped. The part about titan shifters saving their strength was a flimsy excuse Isayama, cuz taking out a Colossal isn't such a back-breaking task for the Shifters - they’ve had worse and done better.

3. Some other character needs to take the spotlight

This happens when our character is in the way of someone else’s glory. They need to be taken off the stage so the next one comes up.

For Hange I’d say, that was Armin. I think Isayama might have wanted to give the stuttering blonde kid a glow-up, and I gotta say it worked well. I’ve seen countless posts where Armin back then and as commander is compared and people are like, ha! Y’all used to laugh at him cuz he was a timid, scared little thing but look at him now, Commander of the scouts and such.

I’ve seen him get a lot of hate for not being strong enough, not being confident and such things. So what does Isayama do? He takes that character and upgrades him to Commander. I think he’s wanted to do this for a long time, to show just how much potential the kid has, and take it as a character development. He was chosen over Erwin and then Hange. He couldn’t be Commander after Shiganshina cuz Hange was named successor. He got his chance in ch 132 and took it. The only way to make Armin Commander was to kill Hange and so we had to part with the crazy genius we loved. (I don't hate Armin though, it's Isayama's fault not Armin's)

But here’s the thing, she could’ve still come back. Battered and bruised, and Armin would still be Commander as the title was already handed over. Then why go all the way and kill her? Here’s why.

4. External reasons

This and the 3rd point, In my opinion, are the main reasons for Hange’s death.

The external factors here include her relationship with Levi. The man has a HUGE fanbase and he’s shipped (and shippable) with so many characters it’s concerning. And the most popular ships are Ereri (this one doesn’t even make sense) and Eruri. As a character that’s so popular among fans, I don’t think Isayama wanted to confirm anything related to his love life as that would only create rifts among fans or even drop his popularity. By keeping it vague he kept the fanbase up. But what has Hange living got to do with it?

Well, we all heard her ‘Let’s live here together’ confession. It’s probably the most romantic thing anybody said to Levi canonically and no one can deny it gives hints. Then comes Levi's double meaning statement of ‘Unrequited titan love’ and I’d say that pretty much sealed the deal. ‘Devote your heart’ was the cherry on top and now if Hange returned they both would be so canon.

But for the sake of argument, let’s say all of that meant nothing romantic. But if Hange’s still alive we all know she’d never leave Levi alone in his impaired state after the war. She’d be the one pushing his wheelchair around and since they’re already veterans and very close friends, Levi would only tolerate having her around him at all times. So if someone’s gonna say that all of those ‘confessions’ meant nothing, then these facts are proof enough that after the war Levihan had all the chance of being canon. So if Hange had lived these two would have been a sealed deal - but that isn’t possible in reality due to Levi’s popularity.

So, Hange dies and Isayama avoids a ton of mess for himself.

All of this is entirely my take on breaking down my fav character’s death, not saying it’s 100% legit. Just a harmless analysis.

[adventuringblind]

Daddy Issues Part 2

Max Verstappen X Reader

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Requested: No, but I'm in a writing mood, so I'm taking requests for Max and Charles. *Silently begs for people to not be shy*

Summary: Jos may have been dealt with for now, but parental issues for the two lovers are far from it.

Warnings: DADDY ISSUES... again, mentions of verbal, emotional, and physical abuse, not proofread (I don't even proofread my college papers), Jos is a warning himself

Notes: This part is written in the second person perspective because it's more geared toward the readers' struggles. Jos does make a reappearance. At this point, it's completely self-indlugent. I'm writing from similar experiences, so please be gracious.

Also, I posted things about a novel I'm currently working on. If you have a chance, please give it a look! You can find it on my masterlist.

Masterlist // Part one // Part three

You were naïve to think that your troubles would be over after the interaction with Jos.

The air around you and Max had become significantly lighter. Max even opened up about things to his friends and was able to smile more during races.

You loved watching him. The light in his eyes even when coming in second or third.

You thought maybe the two of you would be able to heal and move forward. Max had been thriving the last six months. Both physically and mentally because of the steps he'd been taking to get there.

However, you had a different story. While Max had been able to cut off contact with Jos, you had your dad to deal with still.

Thankfully, your dad was good at putting on his best performance around people. It was the reason very few people had the privilege of understanding your relationship with your family.

You'd wanted to cut him off originally, but you couldn't because you still felt the underlying need to please him. Your mom is in a similar situation, and your sibling(s) who still had yet to be able to make that choice.

You hadn't told Max yet. Things had gotten worse for you recently. You didn't want to ruin his current state of joy.

A people pleaser by heart.

So you hid that part away and put on your best face as you basked in Max's smiles. The warmth of them helping you mask yourself.

Until it started to fall apart.

The first encounter was once again with Jos. You found him in hospitality during a race. Immediately getting defensive and ready to call security.

That was until you noticed him having a conversation with your father. The two seeming to have a lively discussion.

Then they noticed you. Hand beckoning you to come closer.

Cautiously, you approached the table. Choosing not to take a seat and standing at the end instead.

"Good to see you again! I hope you haven't missed me too much since we last spoke." Jos' voice sounded like sandpaper in your ears. The bruise on your cheek had long since healed, but being near him brought back the stinging feeling of his hand.

"I hadn't realized you both were coming." Your voice came out shakily. Fingers crossed that they didn't catch on to your ever-growing anxiety.

"Jos managed to get passes and invited me to come along. Since you and Max are close he figured we should be too." Your father explained. "Though I'm shocked they didn't come from Max himself."

You tried hard not to grimace. The realization that you might have to explain why doing nothing to help your panic creeping in slowly.

"I bet if you were as successful as Max, you wouldn't need him to give us the passes." Your father laughs in your direction.

"What is it you do again?" Jos suddenly turning towards you. A hint of a smirk on his lips.

"I'm in psychology."

"No wonder you need Max's money."

"Bet she has Max hypnotized with her knowledge of the brain or something."

The two were cracking up now. Laughing at your expense.

Your dad calmed down a moment. Breathing deeply to get his breath back. His face became neutral again, noticing the obvious frown you now dawned. "It was a joke, Y/N. There's no need to get upset. Max isn't going to be able to handle you eventually if you don't get thicker skin.

You'd had enough. Not wanting to cry in front of everyone, you turn to head back to the garage. Maybe even to hide in Max's driver room for a moment.

Though you didn't get far before a hand caught your wrist. "Stop ignoring me. It's disrespectful, and I am still your father." You didn't turn around. Didn't want him to see you cry. "I have you a life that was better than mine. My father would have never even tried. Yet, you still don't listen to me. Get your act together soon, please."

To outsiders, he sounded sincere. You, on the other hand, knew exactly what he was doing.

Yanking your hand back, you continue walking without giving the two older men a second glance.

If you were home, you would lock yourself in your room til he threatened to take your door. Then, you would shower and hide in the bathroom. If that didn't work, you would try to look productive and cry silently so he couldn't be mad at you for doing such an action as letting the tears roll. He thinks it's over dramatic.

Somtimes he would take to slamming things around. Doors, chairs, his phone, things in his room, not at you but purposely loud.

It didn't matter how hard you worked, it would never be enough. This is how you and Max are able to understand each other. You knew exactly what the other needed because both of you have lived this.

As soon as the race was over, you went to celebrate Max and his victory. The moment was joyful for him. Making a mental note to tell him what happened earlier, you decided now definitely wasn't the time.

Neither was when you got back to your hotel room after celebrating. Or when you took a phone call from your dad with more lovely words that made you feel disgusting in your own skin. Or the plane ride back to Monaco. Or when you got home and immediately went to shower because your entire body felt like it was dirty from nothing but your dad and Jos harassing you.

You didn't tell your mom either, she had enough things to deal with. You didn't tell anyone for that matter.

Max had caught on when he noticed you weren't sleeping. When you weren't eating. When you started apologizing excessively. Habits he thought he broke when he was able to get you to move in with him through constant reassurance.

Now, you were moving backward while he was moving forward.

Then he put the pieces together. He only wished he saw it sooner. Could've stopped what happened before it was pulled like a ruug out from under him.

You had flown home to see your sibling(s) for a week. You missed them dearly and wanted to spend time with them while Max was away.

It had started smoothly, your dad being civil with you, a few sarcastic remarks thrown around here and there, but nothing too bad.

He was trying to convince you to come back home, where you belonged. You kept brushing him off, telling him you're happy where you are now.

It only got worse from there. Your father and Jos had gotten closer over time. He had coincidentally come knocking at the door while you were there. He said he was in the area and wanted to say hello.

Your sibling(s) had tried to get you out of the house, but you only said it would make things worse. It earned you some feelings of sadness, but they left you to converse regardless.

The four of you sat in the living room. Your mom and you mostly listen to the two men catching up.

Then your mom left to make dinner. You stood up with the intention of following before being stopped by the pair.

"Jos tells me Max has been ignoring him."

Your tempted to roll your eyes but refrain in case he's paying close attention.

"Yes, I was wondering if you could tell me the reason behind it. Have you been filling his head with lies about our exchange awhile back?" Jos' smirk makes you want to hit him. Again you refrain, knowing that he can and will hurt you if you're out of line.

"He saw why happened." You state. Making a move to hold your ground.

"He hears what you said as he came inside. He fell for the obvious manipulation. I can't believe you even blamed the bruise on me." He fakes a look of offense.

Your father shakes his head on disgust. Your body goes rigid. Voices begin sounding like they're underwater. You hang your head in defeat as they continue to accuse you of things you would never do.

"Stop it!" You snapped. Something in you breaking loose.

In seconds, a cup was shattered against the wall, and your face was burning with the sting of someone's palm.

You know you had to leave. The adrenaline from your flight response is kicking in.

So you ran, grabbing what you could and quickly exiting the house. Your mom is doing her best to keep her distance from your dad while he throws his temper tantrum and Jos convincing him that I am an entitled brat.

You definitely didn't have all your stuff, but it didn't matter. You called an Uber and found your way back to the airport. Finding and flight back to Monaco you could.

You received a few texts from your dad before blocking him and called the rest of your family to apologize for your behavior and say you'd wished you'd had more time.

Then you called Max. You hand messaged him back since mid-morning and he was starting to get concerned.

"Hello Lovely, is everything alright? I haven't heard much from you today?" His cheery voice made your smile just a little.

"Yes, but I'm coming home early. I'm on an early flight back home." Your voice is on the verge of breaking. You send a silent prayer that he doesn't catch one.

You hear his phone buzzing with notifications. "How were things at the factory?" You ask, making an attempt to change the subject.

"Is was alright, did some marketing and PR things today. Daniel says Hello." He chuckles. "My dad has been texting me though, which is odd."

You hear him sigh deeply. "Are you sure you're okay? Because he's trying to convince me of things I know aren't true."

"Your dad was there visiting mine coincidentally." The damage holding back your tears was coming loose. "I messed everything up again."

"Mijn liefje, you did nothing of the sort." His voice once again had that gentle tone. One that made you feel safe. "I'm not sure how fast I can he back in Monaco, but I'll meet you there as soon as I can."

By the time you had landed, it was early in the morning. You considered just waiting in the airport until it was brighter and then walking home since Max was still in Austria. So, the text that came from Lando that he was coming to get you was a bit of a shock.

You were relieved when he pulled in. Satey once again within your reach.

"Thanks for coming to get me."

"No worries, Max called and asked if I could. Said it was a bit on an emergency but didn't say what happened." He smiled at you, trying to get you to become less defensive.

You hadn't realized how tense you still were. Your body is still trying to shrink in on itself.

You attempted small talk until he pulled into up to the apartment. "Thanks again for the ride." Then you rushed inside as fast as possible.

The floor became your best friend. Everything after opening the door became blurry.

When you woke up later on the bathroom floor with Max's sweatshirt as your pillow, you had no idea how it happened.

Texts from Max and Lando lined your notification wall. Your body too heavy to move however, you resigned to back to the comfort of the floor and the comforting smell of Max.

The next time you woke up, you heard keys jingling in the door.

You curled into yourself. Hiding from the inevitably of confronting what happened only a day earlier.

"Love, are you here? I'm home!"

You wanted to crawl to him. Seek comfort in his arms. But your own mind was stopping you. Replaying everything that they said about you.

You heard him drop his bags and begin his search. Bedroom, kitchen, office, terrace, then finally bathroom. He knew he should have checked their first. The bathroom had always been your safe space. He often found you just sitting in the empty bathtub if life felt overwhelming.

He peeked around the corner, his face instantly softening at the sight of you.

Neither of you said anything as he crouched down next to you. Unsure the extent of what happened, he refrained from touching you.

"Can I hug you?" His voice almost a whisper. As if speaking any louder would shatter you like that glass your dad had thrown as you made your escape.

You slowly nod yes but make no effort to move. You end up not having to as Max pulls you into his arms. Your body draped over his lap.

You felt so small in this moment, with his hand caressing the back of your head.

The dam broke. A hard sob wracked your body. Wailing into Max's chest.

"You're safe now, I got you." He whispered. His hold unrelenting until the tears were able to slow.

"I'm so sorry." Your voice muffled from his chest. "You were so happy I didn't want to ruin it, so I didn't tell you."

"I'm happiest when I know you are also doing well. You can't ruin that for me. I love you too much to see you like this." He pulled your face back, his soft eyes meeting yours.

He was finally able to take in the bruise on your cheek. Once again, not able to stop the unrelenting force of your fathers misdemeanors against you both.

He was angry, you could tell. You saw the rage flash through his eyes.

Knowing that's not what you needed right now, though, he softened again. "Who did this to you love?"

You began rapidly shaking your head no. Not wanting to relive it and not wanting to make things more difficult for him. "I can't-" you started.

"It's my job to make sure you're safe because I love you. It's not going to be an inconvenience." He always knew what to say.

"Jos." Was all you could muster before you were crying into his shoulder again.

You told him everything. All the events in the past few months. Every awful word spoken towards you. How he understood you, you have no idea.

The two of you stayed like that until you fell asleep in Max's arms. Knowing you couldn't stay here forever, he brought you to the bed and tucked you in. His lips on your forehead the last sensation before you were completely lost to your subconscious.

MAX'S POV

Everything about the situation made him want to break down. He thought he would finally be able to move on. He did, kind of, but left you behind in the process.

He knew something was wrong but didn't want to force you to open up. You needed to process things longer and came to him when you were ready.

This situation affected you differently though. Your response to your father had always been inward. Taught from a young age just to take it and nit talk about it. Convinced that you shouldn't paint your home life as bad because you had a roof over your head and food on your table.

He understands, though his reactions are different. Often not understanding that something was wrong and just talking about it like it was normal.

Daniel was the first to question, and you were the first to get him like nobody else.

You broke eachothers bad habits you'd learned from years of toxicity. Started learning better communication. Working through things and understanding eachothers responses.

He could never thank you enough for your help with his dad. Standing up for him despite the physical altercation was brave. He knew it was hard for you but you loved him enough to do it anyways.

Now, it was his turn to help you through this. He didn't care how long it took.

The bruise on your cheek only sparked a fire in him. He was tired of the hurt your fathers were causing. He knew now that both of you deserved better.

So, he would help it get better.

[annwrites]

—sweet heart of mine

sweet, sweet heart of mine, i'm going to break again a million times. — ryan x youngestdutton!reader ; ※♡※

↳ read

You run your hand down the side of the horse's neck, smoothing her hair, trying to calm yourself.

"You want me to saddle her for you?"

You look to the side and see Ryan walking toward you, a gentle smile on his face.

You shake your head. "No, I'm okay. Thank you."

He grips the stall door, now standing in front of you. "You sure?"

You nod, biting the inside of your lip, trying to swallow it down.

He takes a small step closer, studying you. "Are you okay, sweetheart?"

One question is all it takes for you to burst into a fit of tears.

He quickly wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his chest, cupping the back of your head, shooshing you comfortingly. "Something happen up at the house?"

You wait until your sobs have turned into soft hiccups before you make an attempt at answering.

You rest your cheek against his plaid button-up, which smells of fresh air and hay, hot tears still slipping down your cheeks. "It's the anniversary of my mom's death today."

He lets out a low swear. "Baby, I'm sorry. I didn't know—"

You shake your head. "It's okay. I wouldn't expect you to have the date memorized. It's just...how the day started out."

You're silent for a moment, wondering if you should tell him—air your father's dirty laundry.

You do it anyway.

"He had the governor in his bed last night," you whisper.

Ryan doesn't need to ask to quickly figure out who it is you're referring to.

"And Beth... She's a mess. She was taking a bath in a horse trough before I came down here."

Ryan snorts, then quickly apologizes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't laugh at that."

You grin yourself. "It's okay. I just...know she's going to get loaded and be at Jamie's throat all day."

A beat of silence.

"I don't want to be here," you mumble, ashamed to admit it.

He shouldn't offer it. He has work to do—he always does—but the thought of you heading back up to the house and listening to your siblings scream and yell at each other while you hide yourself away in your room and cry... He can't stand the thought of it.

"You want to get out of here for a little while?" He offers, hoping you don't hear his heart skipping a beat when he says it.

"Won't Rip get mad?"

"Won't Rip get mad about what?" Asks the very man you'd just mentioned.

Speak of the devil...

Ryan turns his head toward him.

"The hell do you think you're doin'? There's plenty of fuckin' work to be—"

You peak your head out from the side and Rip immediately shuts his mouth, sighing softly. "I'm sorry, Y/N. Thought he had one of those damn barrel racers in here."

Ryan feels you bristle in his arms, so he speaks. "Not exactly my type."

Rip raises a brow. "I'm aware of your—"

You interrupt, wanting to ease his temper before it gets to boiling. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be a problem. I just...I wanted to get out of the house."

Rip rests his hands on his hips. "I'm sorry, darlin'. I know today can't be easy."

"She's only making it that much worse."

He knows who you're talking about. It's why he'd been so quick to tear into Ryan—she'd already put him in a mood with her little swimming stunt, and he wanted someone to take it out on.

Ryan releases you then, keeping a hand against the small of your back. "I was just offering to take her somewhere. Just to get her away for a little while. Figured she could use it."

Rip considers him for a moment, you and Ryan remaining silent while he thinks, and then he relents.

He raises a gloved finger. "One hour. And then it's back to work. Got enough shit on my plate without having to chase you down, too."

Ryan looks to you while you look at Rip. "I'll just stay around here. There's a place I like to go. Ryan can come with me. It'll just be nice not to have to be alone for a bit."

youngest dutton sibling and disinterested in your father's business, you instead choose to work in town for a small shop, preferring simplicity for your daily life.

being the baby of the family and his wife's last child, your father only cares that you're safe and happy.

and so, you find contentment in your quaint little life of living on a sprawling ranch, riding horses, walking barefoot through fresh grass, and enjoying the slow nature of your living arrangements.

and then tragedy strikes, and your big brother and best friend, lee, is murdered, and your heart is shattered. and to make matters worse, your siblings return home.

instead of it bringing them closer, however, it instead puts them at each other's throats, ruining your once-peaceful home, throwing it into constant turmoil.

and then enemies begin to close in on all sides, and you begin to live in constant fear of losing that which you've always thought you'd have.

and it seems only one tall, dark cowboy notices the girl that holds his heart...her own is breaking.

a/n: the post i linked at the top i know is very brief, but it's just a scene i came up with for what i intend to turn into a larger story eventually.

headcanons:

ryan has been in love with reader for years, but is terrified that if he tells her, he'll ruin everything. that she'll grow to be uncomfortable around him, the bunkhouse, & the rest of the crew if she doesn't return the sentiment. even if she does: what might john—his damn boss—think?

[sourbinnie]

can i req skz reaction to 9th member drunk gn!reader alcohol made they sensitive, they started to cry and apologized for skills vocal/ rap/ dance with time spent and poor memory but end with apologize for stealing snacks (ΦωΦ)

my english so bad hope u get it (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；⁠)

title -> drunk thoughts or sober words pair -> ot8!skz + 9th member!reader (gender neutral) genre -> angsty at first but fluffy in the end :] | hurt/comfort lowercase intended + no warnings a/n -> MY FIRST REQUEST yippeee, i'm so excited and i hope it meets your expectations<3 if it's not, i can obviously rewrite it! just let me know! also don't be harsh on your english bb, i'm not a native speaker either and i try my best every day for it to be good lmao

i knew as soon as the night began that this wouldn't end well (at least for me). the more we talked and spent time together, the more drinks that were being poured and oh god, did my members change personalities when they drank. of course not wanting to be left behind, i drank as well.

maybe a bit too much? i don't know, i'm not good at keeping track of things when i was in this certain mood. my thoughts started to consume immediately, i wished it would've been just one bad thought that tried to get me but it felt like a million in one moment. the dreaded one was that i did not deserve to be in stray kids with all these talented guys when i was just not in the same lane as them. when chan chose me, i knew i had to give it my all, but now another era coming by soon, all the teasers filmed and ready to go, just looking at them i wondered what was i doing in this group in the first place. 

i didn't want to think it was out of pity.

but sometimes it led me to believe that it was the only coherent thought.

alcohol wasn't for me huh? and just as soon as i'm doubting myself, the conversation turns serious.

"thank you all for being my bandmates, i couldn't ask for a better team." chan said and i bit my lip as i tried to not let my sensitive side take over (mixing with the sadness in my chest). 

"wow our leader is getting sappy again, are we surprised?" minho responded as he mocked him with his tone and chan just pushed him. everyone was in their own world, either talking, drinking even more or just having a good time their own way. i could feel a pair of eyes on me though and it was none other than felix. he followed every move i made and i couldn't even look at him in the eye 'cause i knew i would break down.

that's when he got closer to me, changing seats with changbin and looked at me sincerely with those hopeful eyes of his.

"you know you can talk to me right? i know you're a sensitive kind of drunk." he said trying to lift up my mood and i tried to laugh but it came as a choked out sob. "hey, look at me it's okay just let it out." he repeated to me and i just fell into his arms, the embrace that i needed to let my frustrations out.

"i don't know what happened, it's like suddenly i got so insecure about everything." i said and now everyone's attention was on me & my tears. they wouldn't stop flowing down my cheeks as i tried to explain what was happening but couldn't find the words other than the sincerity in my heart of how i felt. "i-i feel like i don't deserve my spot on the team".

complete silence fell upon the table, i could feel that everyone was shocked that i just admitted that.

"why would you think that (y/n)?" felix asked, as everyone was still trying to understand what was happening, especially chan, feeling like he did something wrong. "you know you're just as talented as everyone on this table". 

"that's the thing i'm not." i said smiling sadly and wiping my tears away. "i'm not the best singer even if i am a main one, my rapping still lacks and god my dancing is just nothing compared to you guys and i won't even start on my visuals." i said as i felt the knot in my throat getting worse 'cause i just couldn't believe i ruined the night with all my insecurities like this.

again the silence was so loud, it almost felt like i was in the right on this one.

"i hate that you're feeling like this (y/n)." hyunjin said in the most serious tone i've ever heard him use. his hand on mine as he played with them, made imaginary shapes like he does sometimes. "i could not agree with you or your mind at all".

"you're easily the most crucial part of the team." jisung said and seungmin nodded as they looked at me and i didn't know what to believe. it was hard accepting these kind of responses when you're so clouded by your own sensitivity (and a lot of alcohol). 

"you always know what to say, you're always there for us when we need you the most and you have so much to give, your talent is immeasurable." minho then said as he got closer to me and as the person who wasn't the most affectionate or the best with words, surprised me. "i know i don't tend to show it but i'll always have a soft spot for you and i'm happy chan chose you to be with us."

"you were meant to be here with us right now and you deserve so much." chan said as he got closer to me and hugged me, a hug from my leader was also something i did not expect to receive tonight but i gave in as i needed to feel the comfort of the people i loved the most.

it was as if time stopped for a moment and all i could think about was them, their smiles, their comfort and their way of showing me that i'm truly needed and loved. no more tears were flowing like rivers down on my cheeks, just a pure and blossoming smile.

"okay but... chaeryeong didn't eat the last ice cream bar, it was me." now if the silence was bad before, imagine right now. "i'm sorry, okay? i needed another one, i'm just insane like that and i stole felix's brownies the other day but i'm not sorry about that one."

"(y/n) i take it back, i'm taking your brownie privileges away." felix said dead serious and then laughed making everyone lose it again. "you can't do this every time i bake!" he exclaimed but i just pouted looking at him.

"also the freakin ice cream bar, how did you even get chaeryeong to lie for you?" changbin asked and i just did the same thing, i pouted like a baby looking at him. "nevermind, i get it, i would do anything for them, just look at that face!" he said as he hugged me.

"i'm losing my maknae position to a snack stealer!" jeongin exclaimed and i just laughed knowing i had the best chosen family and i wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

[loveandmurders]

hii, can i request some angst with bo sinclair, maybe him and the reader (gn please :3) get into a fight, he basically says he doesnt need the reader and tell them to get out, and the reader leaves and doesnt know where to go so they hide in one of the abandoned houses, n basically hide there all night while bo (whos too stubborn to admit hes nervous) waits at home for them, but they accidentally fall asleep n wake up at like 4am or smth and the entire town is turned on as bo and vincent look for them? fluffy ending please? just break my heart then give me some tooth rotting fluff

thank you, have a wonderful day/night!

Hello love, I'm sorry it took me so long to write and post this request. I really hope you will enjoy this <3

GO BUT DON'T LEAVE ME

Gender neutral reader, with no physical description.

Warnings: Verbal abuses from Bo, Bo is an asshole but he loves you, morally grey reader who enjoys the killings, mention of blood, violence, killings, little injuries, tears, angst/comfort.

You didn’t know why, but lately, a lot of tourists were coming by Ambrose. You were glad because it meant the boys had all the work they wanted, and Bo could take out his anger on strangers, but at the same time, it was saddening you. You were feeling a little bit neglected by your boyfriend who was getting up early every morning and coming home late at night. And because of the hunt, you had to stay locked up inside the house for your own safety. You tried to busy yourself in the kitchen, and to take care of yourself, but you were starting to get bored and you wanted Bo’s attention more than anything.

Actually you had planned on trying to trap Bo in bed with you this morning, and then to have some sexy time under a warm shower, before continuing to seduce him with some pretty outfits you found in one of the tourists’ suitcases. If you were good enough, you could even hope for Bo to bring you to a restaurant for lunch. You really thought you could manage that because you had been good at having Bo wrapped around your little finger; your little attentions and cuddles worked a lot more on the man than he wanted to admit it.

But it seemed like it wasn’t your lucky day. As you tried to love on Bo for him to stay in bed, he roughly pushed you away from him and got up.

“Gonna be late ‘cause of your stupid ass” he told you as a greeting and you felt quite hurt because you just wanted him. But you were as stubborn as him so you got up, your naked body in its whole glory and you pressed yourself against his back.

“Maybe we could have a shower together, I could wash you up?” you offered as you kissed his shoulder blade, but Bo wasn’t in the mood today. He was overwhelmed with all the chores and work he had to do, and he was almost hoping there wouldn’t be any tourists today because he already had a lot of cars, windows and houses to fix after the last ones.

“Leave me alone” he said and he pushed you away again.

“But Bo…” you whimpered

“What?” he snapped, anger quickly rising inside of him

“I’ve been missing you…” you replied with a pout on your face

“Oh yeah? Well ya know what, all this work gives me some fuckin' peace! I just can’t with your neediness and clinginess all the damn time” he spat and you felt your heart breaking at those words. He was slicing deep into your worst and hidden insecurities. You always thought you were too much for people to enjoy, and to hear it from Bo’s mouth was worse than being slapped across the face. You looked down.

“I’m sorry, Bo, I’ll do better” you whispered because you loved the man and you wanted him to still love you.

“Ain’t givin’ a fuck, Y/N.” he said before grabbing his clothes and leaving for the shower.

You had no idea what to do. You wanted to cry but you couldn’t be that pathetic. You put some clothes on and you went downstairs to prepare breakfast. At least you could be a little bit useful, right? 

You were cooking some pancakes when Vincent entered the room. You quietly greeted him and he could tell something was off, because you had been quite a ray of sunshine in Ambrose since you were there. He asked you if you were alright and you simply nodded. You thought you needed to shut up and to give Bo some space, and hopefully things would be back to normal soon. Vincent didn’t insist but he knew he would need to keep an eye on you. He was aware of how his twin had the talent to ruin what was making him happy.

Bo sat at the table without a word. And as you placed a plate in front of him, you accidentally knocked down his glass of orange juice that fell on the ground and broke. You silently cursed yourself and were about to kneel down to clean up when Bo grabbed your wrist and pushed you against the closest wall. You gasped at the rage swirling into his eyes.

“Ya’re fuckin’ useless, ya know that” he screamed at you and you felt tears rising up.

“I’m sorry, it was an accident” you replied “I’ll clean up, you can eat your pancakes” you continued

“Ya give me no order” he growled. “Didn’t even ask ya to put food in front of me. Who do ya think ya are, my mother?”

“I’m just trying to take care of you” you said and he started to laugh. It was a cold dry and menacing laughter that made you shiver.

“Because ya think I need you? Ya think any of us needs you? The only reason we didn’t kill ya was because I wanted to fuck ya. I fucked ya, and now what, hmm? Honestly, nothin' to go back to” he added and Vincent got up and put a hand on his shoulder to make him stop. He knew that his twin was lying and the way you were starting to silently cry was quite upsetting. Bo moved from his touch but he let you go too. You had no idea what to do. It was the first time Bo was vicious and cruel with you. You needed to busy yourself to not let his poison completely break your heart. You were about to clean up the mess you did once again.

“Oh my god, just go” Bo cringed as he didn’t want to see you come closer again.

“Let me remove the glass pieces and I’ll go” you promised, as you were worried anyone would get hurt because of the glass. Lester might come home soon with Jonesy too and you didn’t want her to hurt her little paws.

“Fuckin’ LEAVE!” he screamed this time and you froze. Vincent tried to reach for you and bring you away from Bo before his twin could say something he would regret later on. “Leave this fuckin’ room! No ya no what, leave this fuckin’ house and never come back! I’m so done with ya, I don’t need ya, no one needs ya, no one loves ya and ya need to get the fuck out of Ambrose!” he yelled again as he threw the plate of pancakes on the ground too. You jumped and before Vincent could stop you, you ran away.

Your vision was blurry because of the tears. You couldn’t stop crying. You couldn’t think either, emotions swirling inside your heart and negative thoughts swirling inside your head. You rarely felt so bad. You ran for quite a while until you collapsed on the ground. You slightly hurt your knees and palms but you didn’t notice. You cried even more, until there was no tear left. You took a deep breath and looked behind you. The house was far away now, but you weren’t outside of Ambrose yet. 

The thing was you had no idea where to go. Ambrose had become your home and you had left your previous life without any hesitation. You enjoyed living with dangerous people, you liked their way of life and you found the murders very hot and arousing. You were a missing person in the real world, and if you came back to your old life, you would have to tell about the Sinclairs, and you would then need to go back to this boring and mediocre existence. You didn’t want that, but Bo made it clear he didn’t want you anymore. You weren’t too sure what to do, so you decided to wait and to rest in one of the last houses of the town. The twins rarely went there, and it would give you some time to determine what to do. 

You opened the front door and sneezed at all the dust and cobwebs lying around. At least, you should be safe here. You found a room upstairs and settled there. You got rid of some of the dust and you sat on the bed. There was a wax statue there, with you and you took some comfort in the presence. It wasn’t the best of Vincent’s creations, hence why it was there (you could tell Vincent had to put the members back on the body and it had been quite hard to do so). But at least you felt home and not completely alone.

You napped a little for the day to go through and then you explored the house. You found some old books and little boxes with jewels inside. You were certain the boys didn’t know about this, and it gave you the idea to explore more of the abandoned houses… Until you remembered Bo wanted you out of town. You tried to not start crying again. Your attention was soon somewhere else as you heard gunshots. You sighted as you understood more tourists came today. You hoped the boys would be fine, and wouldn’t get hurt because you wouldn’t be there to take care of them, like you usually did. You also hoped no one would find you there; it would be stupid to get killed now. At the same time, you didn’t know what to do with yourself. You wouldn’t be able to stay hidden in this house forever, and you weren’t sure you would be able to get back to a more normal life.

Maybe you should get killed, actually. But life could be so fun too.. If only Bo wanted you back, even if you were getting quite angry at him for the way he talked to you as well.

You continued to listen to everything happening in the town and until late in the afternoon you heard screams and the usual hunt noises. The sun was slowly going down when the silence came back in town, and it seemed the boys had been able to get rid of the tourists pretty fast this time. You were glad for them, hopefully it meant the boys hadn’t been injured and the tourists hadn’t ruined more stuff in town; Bo had already his hands full. 

You sighed as your attention was back, one more time on your current situation. You still didn’t know what to do. Finally you tried to get some more rest because your brain just couldn’t think about what to do. 

And you slept like a rock, as all the emotions took their toll on you. 

You missed the three men calling your name in the silence of the ghost town, far away from where you were. You missed the worry creeping in the more they called for you. You missed the phone calls too, because you forgot your phone at the house and when Bo found it, he cursed even more.

As you were sleeping your worries and troubles away, Bo was sitting on his armchair, waiting for the front door to open. He had told his brothers that you were going to come back home on your own, and that it was not necessary to look any more for you. Vincent and Lester insisted but he refused, too proud to admit he was concerned. You were smart and independant but, at the same time, you needed him so much that soon enough you would come back. And you loved him enough to know he didn’t mean what he told you this morning. 

It was what he was repeating himself to keep calm. 

The truth was that he couldn't focus on the TV because his attention was on the front door, and that he couldn't even drink his beer because his throat was tight. He was silently cursing himself for having fucked this up so badly. You were one of the rare good things that happened in his life, and maybe you were gone forever now. No, no, that was impossible because you were soulmates. You weren’t saying “I love you” to each other very often, but you truly adored each other. Bo knew he was going to propose to you one day because he couldn’t imagine getting back to a life without you. He promised himself he would be better if… no, once you would be back home. This wouldn’t happen again, because he wasn’t the monster his father said he was, because he needed you, because he also had been madly missing you lately - and even more today - but he hated how weak his love made him feel.

However, after midnight, he just couldn’t take it anymore. He was going to lose his mind if you didn’t come back home now. He got Vincent from the basement and called Lester who was about to come back to his own house. His brothers were quick to help find you, because they liked you, but also because they didn’t want to scrape Bo off the ground if they realised you were truly gone. 

The three men started to look for you and they hoped you were still inside of Ambrose, in one of the houses or somewhere close by. They also hoped that no tourist found you, and that you were all safe and sound somewhere hidden. They had turned on all the lights and were screaming your name. Bo was the loudest, and he was slowly starting to really panic. He couldn't stand the idea he might have lost you. He just wanted you back in his arms and to go to sleep with you.

You didn’t plan on sleeping so much, completely unaware of the circus that was happening in town. You woke up to a soft scratching sound on the bedroom door. You didn’t understand what it was at first. Actually, you woke up completely lost and confused. It was about 4 am now, and you were disoriented. You needed some time to remember you were in an abandoned house because of a very bad argument with Bo. You sat up, and looked around the room, trying to analyse your surroundings. After a little while, you heard a dog gently whining and you got up to open the bedroom door. Jonesy bolted inside the room and you giggled. You knelt in front of her and hugged her for comfort. 

“Such a good girl you are, you found me!” You praised her as she licked at your cheek. You hugged her more tightly and you closed your eyes. “You’re the only one who wants to find me” you sadly whispered and she cutely barked at you to tell you it wasn’t true!

It was then you heard your name being called and you looked up in surprise.

“Oh they’re looking for me?” you asked as Jonesy sat up. You, on the other hand, got up to look through the window. You blinked at the vivid lights and when your eyes started to get used to the brightness, you saw the Sinclairs looking for you. You couldn’t stop the smile from appearing on your face. It brought you some peace and relief to know you were still loved by your family. You straightened up your clothes and left the room, Jonesy on your heels. She wasn’t going to let you out of her line of vision, just to make sure you were safe and sound. 

You walked closer to the Sinclair house before answering their calls.

“I’m here!” you cried out and when Bo found out where your voice was coming from, he rushed to you. Before you knew it, you were in his arms. He tightly hugged you against his chest, stroking your back and taking into your scent. He was so relieved.

“Thank God” he whispered to himself but you heard him. 

You hugged him back, but you were still hurt by what he yelled at you earlier, and you weren’t going to forget about all the things he said so easily. However, you let him bring you home without a fight. Vincent and Lester hugged you as well and asked you where you were. You answered as Bo sat you down to check on you. He disinfected your little wounds on your knees and palms before putting band-aids on them as he listened to you. They all were glad you stayed close by. You let Bo take care of you without a comment and you didn’t dare to look at him for too long. You weren’t too sure what his mood was right now, but you knew you wouldn’t be able to take any more yelling at. Lester waited for Bo to be done to gently kiss your cheek and greeted you a goodnight. Jonesy refused to follow him and she stayed by your side like a true guard dog. You petted her head and cooed down at her for being such a good girl to you. Vincent sent a look at his twin, to silently tell him he should apologise to you. Bo scoffed and it made you look back at him with a raised eyebrow; you had missed the way the twins had looked at each other and didn’t understand what he was scoffing at. You were feeling insecure enough to believe it was at you. Bo tried to reassuringly smile at you before gesturing for his twin to leave the room. Vincent also kissed your cheek and reluctantly left. He went to his basement but his attention was on Bo and you as he was ready to intervene if things would go wrong once again.

“Time to go to sleep” Bo hummed and you were quite annoyed at the man for trying to pretend nothing happened today.

“Not tired for the moment and then gonna sleep on the couch,” you replied. He frowned at that and reached for your hips.

“Why that?” he asked and it was your turn to scoff

“So what, we’re gonna pretend nothing happened? Look, I'm here because Ambrose is my home… and because no matter what, I love you… But I can’t pretend I didn’t hear what you said today. I’m sorry I’m clingy and needy and not a good enough fuck for you…” you said before he cut you

“Ya know I didn’t mean any of this” he whispered as he brought you closer to him. He looked for your eyes but you turned your head to the side. He cupped your chin to force your eyes to lock with his. “Ya mad at me?” he asked and you shrugged. "Baby?" he insisted

“Ain’t really mad right now… I’m mostly hurt” you replied “I just wanted cuddles this morning. I know you’re busy but it was unfair of you to treat me that way”

“Yes, it was. What can I do to make it to ya, hmm? Too late to cuddle?” he gently smiled as his hands stroked your hip bone and cheek. You had to fight the urge to lean against his touch.

“Tell me you’re sorry, that you love me, that it won’t happen again.” you said and he nodded

“‘Course I love ya. Ya know I’m an asshole when I’m in a bad mood… but I’d go crazy if ya ever left me. I’m so relieved ya home. I’ll do better.” he replied

“So everything you said…”

“Nothin’, lies. I love ya need and want me that bad, because I… do need ya too. Ya make me happy. Do I make ya happy?” he asked as he rested his forehead against yours, both his hands cupping your face now.

“Not when you’re mean to me” you whimpered

“Won’t happen again. I promise, did I ever break a promise I made to you?” he continued

“No… but you’re a sweet talker with your southern charm… How can I be sure you mean what you’re saying now?”

“Because I want us to get married”

You stared at him in pure surprise. You knew the man was a family one, so the fact he wanted you to be officially part of it was a big proof of love.

“You’re serious?” you asked

“I wanna wake up with ya in my arms for the rest of my life, and I wanna listen to your pretty voice everyday, and I wanna pleasure ya and treat you like you deserve to be. I’m a shitty boyfriend, but I’ll be a good husband, ya know that.”

“I know that” you smiled

Taglist:

@feathery-ass

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@cavern-creature

@peachycupotea  

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@akemiixx01

@zebralover

[softspeirs]

A/N: John Egan/OC. Listen, I simply couldn’t resist. I know OC’s are abounding right now, but I’ve had this in my head for a few days and needed to get it out. For now she shall remain nameless, but we’ll see if I want to flesh this out. Fair warning: this is real angsty. Sorry, I was in a mood! Somewhere around ep 4-5? No spoilers.

one - (quiet skies, don't get attached)

“Has he reached his limit yet?” A slim hand reaches in front of her, grabbing a pint off the bartop.

She meets Major Cleven’s eyes briefly before he tilts his head in Major Egan’s direction, indicating who he's asking about. As if he'd be worried about anyone else this much.

“Two more with his name on it,” she says, biting back her smile.

“Don’t see how that’s possible.” He mutters, rolling his eyes as Bucky’s loud voice carries over from where he sits, regaling fellow pilots and locals alike with stories from his latest mission.

She shrugs, settling a rag over her shoulder. “I’m not a babysitter. I just make the drinks.”

He nods, waving his hand. “I know. Thank you.”

She sees the worry and frustration that he's not voicing. "No thanks necessary." She says quietly. She watches him go and join his friends, and frowns as she watches Egan stumble over a chair, Cleven barely managing to grab his elbow before he goes toppling to the floor.

It's getting worse. But-- she can't even blame him. She hears bits and pieces, the guys regaling each other with their war stories, but lately it's been quieter, less storytelling and more drowning regrets and sorrows over lukewarm beer.

Major Egan has been in town longer than all of them, and she wonders if anyone else is picking up on the hints he's been dropping every time he speaks to anyone.

I don't even feel anything.

It's not until days later when she hears that he's on leave that she finally releases a breath she's been holding.

The pub is quiet that day. No roaring of planes overhead, no rowdy airmen taking up all her tables and running her ragged with requests. No laughter, but no fighting either.

Her father comes in later, solemn expression, and slaps a newspaper down on the bar. She feels her stomach sinking as she reads. "They lost so many." She whispers.

"Gave the Germans a whipping, though."

It's not enough.

It's late that night when Major Egan shows up. She's not even really surprised to see him, all things considering. She is surprised to see him here - she would have thought he'd have gone MIA with a ship and gone to avenge his friends on his own.

He sits at the bar and flashes her a smile. She's already shaking her head before he can even open his mouth.

"Major... it's not a good idea."

He looks affronted. "What isn't? Just here for a drink, that's all. Haven't you heard? I'm still on leave."

"If you were on leave you'd still be in London."

There's a quick moment where he sets his jaw, sighing. He's frustrated, and she knows he has a quick temper. She just hopes that he hears her out.

"You can't drown your sorrows." She slides the newspaper into view. "Not right now."

He meets her eyes again. There's a moment of clarity that passes between them - she knows exactly why he's back early, and he knows she understands what the stakes are.

"You shouldn't get attached." He says, rising from his seat. Halfway to the door, he looks over his shoulder. "To any of us." His smirk is small, bitter. "Here today, gone tomorrow."

"Major Egan--"

The door is swinging shut behind him before she can tell him it's no use; she already is attached. And she feels it each time a crew comes through the doors and they're one man short. She feels it even though she never learns half their names.

It never gets easier, for the men who do the flying, or for the people who wait for them to come back.

[disgustingtwitches]

We'll Gather Lilacs

Johnny only knows how to give, and Simon only knows how to take. Selfish in ways they’ll never admit, always aching for more. Closer than anyone they've known, divided by a distance neither can cross. A silent voice begs, Love me. Another hesitates, How?

WWII!Ghost/Soap

AO3

MACTAVISH

July 1944

It's dark. Pitch black, actually. Someone's calling my name, sounds far, muffled.

“Soap!”

It's LT. Guess being dead ain't so bad after all.

“Soap!”

Jesus, even in death he's angry. I wonder if Ma got my letter in time for her birthday. Ough, my head's killing.

“Johnny! Open your fucking eyes, Johnny!”

Look at that, there he is. Holding my shoulder. No. He's shaking it. I groan, throat dry,

“A’m here.”

He's holding his hand out. I should take it before he tears me a new one.

“C'mon Johnny.”

Fuck me, it's a pain to get up. My head's pounding. It's official, I'm not dead. That's good, Ma would've killed me if I didn't make it to Moira's wedding.

“Get it together, Sergeant.”

He's in a mood today. Check my gun. Then ammo. Then body. Where am I again?

Fwip. Fwip. Fwip.

Right, in the middle of fucking Dijon. Simon tugs at my jacket. My turn to shoot. We switch positions. Peek from the corner and pull the trigger, hide behind the wall while I get showered in brick dust and pebbles.

“Soap!”

My eyes focus on the voice across the street. Gaz and Cap are taking cover behind a crumbling wall.

“Aye!”

"Let's end this, yeah?"

Cap yells, holding onto Kyle's shoulders, waving a finger around in a circle.

"Yes, sir! Ye hear that LT?"

Turn my head, and there he is. Looking right into my eyes, close enough I could smell his sweat. Christ. He nods, giving me a solid smack to my back, taking my place.

"Clean 'em up real good, Johnny."

"Always do, LT."

Run around buildings, or what used to be buildings. This is what London looks like now. And Manchester. And Belfast. And Glasgow. Ash and rubble. Remnants of families and businesses, life. Burnt to a crisp. Books and tables scattered in the rooms I pass. My run comes to a crouched walk, approaching the back of where the stragglers are held up. Gaz is waiting for me, kneeling,

“There's only two left, should just take them out from right here.”

We held our breaths while he opened the door, just enough to aim, hoping the hinges didn't squeal. And they didn't.

Gaz always seemed to have luck on his side. Guess all of us did in some way. We were all still alive, somehow. Although, LT might not be here because of luck. No, I think he's far from lucky. Actually, he might be the unluckiest man I've ever known. But he is stubborn. Each time Saint Peter sent for him, he turned his back, marching right back to where he belonged: in his scarred body, wearing his uniform, holding a gun, boots and pants caked with mud and blood. Searching for something. I haven't figured out what though. One day I'll find out. Maybe.

Gaz straightens out his arm, steadying his hands and aiming. I follow suit.

“Three. Two. One.”

One shot. Two shots. We sat at the door, waiting to see if either one of those bastards was still breathing. They seemed still enough, but for good measure, three then four shots,

“All clear!”

Kyle shouts, scanning the room for traps before walking in, heavy boots kicking rocks out the way,

“Shouldn't waste ammo like that, Soap.”

Dunno why he's complaining, we've dealt with much worse and had far less,

“Ye'r life costs more than a bullet, Gaz.”

He makes a face while patting down the limp corpses, opening letters, and taking whatever seems useful. I kneel next to him when he hands me a knife; it's heavy, the wooden handle carved with the words Gott vergib mir. Not the standard ones they usually carry. I unsheath it and twirl it around my fingers before tucking it into my pocket.

Gaz’s eyes go wide when he looks up, staring at me like I’ve grown a second head,

"Mate..."

I pat myself down, looking for blood or wounds,

“What, I’m shot?”

“Look at your bloody helmet.”

He laughs in disbelief, hands on his knees.

I slide off my helmet, turn it in my hands,

“Feck me...”

There it is, a bullet hole. Clean through the metal, just a breath away from my skull. Less than a bawhair from being a goner. Forget luck- Ma must be paying Saint Michael himself a fortune to keep me alive.

Me and Kyle sit in silence for a while. Wouldn't be the first time something like this happens and sure as hell won't be the last.

Ghost’s voice breaks the spell, drifting from behind us like it’s all a joke.

“Not like it would’ve done much damage. Probably would’ve missed your brain by a mile,” He says, broken glass crunching under his boots. I could see the smile behind his mask.

Cheeky fucker.

No use in thinking too much about it. Seen worse, haven’t I? This is nothing. No point in dwelling. I stand up, shoulders tight, neck stiff, but alive. Always alive, for now.

“Anythin' good?”

Price walks in through whatever's left of the front door, lighting up a cigar.

“Some ammo. Looks like they’ve nabbed some American gear too.”

Gaz hands a rifle to the Captain, who hums, pleased. He peers down the sights,

“Bloody Yanks always get the good kit. Ought to bump into them more often.”

“Liberate a few guns and shirts from em, yeah?”

Gaz chuckles, standing and brushing off his trousers.

“Maybe some fuckin food while we're at it,”

Ghost says, standing directly behind me now. I flinch and turn to him, his dark eyes locked on the hole in my helmet,

“Fat bastards got better rations than the civvies back home.”

Price snorts, shaking his head,

“Spoiled bunch they are, butter on bacon.”

We set up in the only building that was left standing, dragging the bodies out back. Price groans while settling down against a wall,

“Look at us, sleeping in a room with four walls like we're high society.”

I slump down next to Gaz, rolling my neck. A smile creeps across Kyle's face while he's folding up his overcoat,

“A room with a roof, no less. Proper luxury, that.”

He tucks his makeshift pillow behind his head before looking up at me, smirking. Pretty bastart, wonder how many hearts he's broken with that look. The floorboards groan under his weight while he turns over and he falls asleep. I lean my head against the wall, closing my eyes. I hear Ghost shuffling around downstairs before it's dead quiet.

I don’t dream much these days. Don’t think I want to anyway. It’s all blood, bombs, and screaming. All soot-covered faces, eyes glazed over, full of fear.

Last dream I had was coming home—bag slung over my shoulder, walking past the neighbors, their pitying frowns, their clothes in tatters. Not a building in sight, but I kept walking, like nothing had changed.

There’s a bit of fog hanging in the air, barely noticeable at first, curling at the edges of my vision. It’s not until I reach where my house used to be that I feel it—a sinking feeling. Barely there, like the fog that thickens around my feet, but I ignore it. Still, I keep moving, drop my bag, and take off my boots at a front door that’s not there.

“Maw, A’m hame.”

The fog wraps tighter, rising with soot that’s now up to my knees. I turn corners that aren’t there anymore, like the walls are still standing. Like they haven’t been gone for weeks. Months.

“Maw?”

The sinking feeling grows heavier, like the fog that creeps higher, swallowing the ground beneath me. I reach where the kitchen used to be, but all that’s left is the oven. The soot shifts, turning into water, up to my thighs as I wade through the rest of the house.

“Maw? Moira? James?”

I search through the ghost of a door frame, squinting through the mist, hoping they’ll be there-waiting, big smiles, arms open. But I can’t see them. I can’t see anything. The water is blacker than black now, swallowing my legs, thick as peat. My feet sink deeper with each step.

My heart hammers in my chest, hands clammy. I try to call out again but my throat tightens. The fog thickens until it’s suffocating, swirling around me, so dense I can’t see my hand when I hold it out. The water to sludge now, rises higher, up to my chest, thick as tar. My eyes sting. The sinking feeling turns into a pull, dragging me into that dark abyss. My life flashes before me.

It’s all blood, bombs, and screaming. All soot-covered faces, eyes glazed over, full of fear.

It's dark. Pitch black, actually. Someone's calling my name, sounds far, muffled.

“MacTavish.”

Before I get a chance to open my eyes, LT’s boot shoves my legs. I blink to see him standing- no, looming- over me. Does he always have to look so angry all the time?

“Aye.”

“On your feet, Sergeant.”

“Aye.”

He helps me up and leads me to where he was posted, lifting his mask just enough to light up a smoke. I lean on the doorframe across from him,

“Ye'r not goin' to sleep, LT? We got a long day ahead.”

“That desperate for a wank, Johnny?”

“Without ye, LT? Wouldn’t dream o’ it.”

The corner of his lip twitches as takes a long drag, the red ember lighting up his face. Haven't seen the rest of it, but I got a good idea of what he looks like: scars of various sizes scattered here and there, crooked nose, perpetual eye black, the occasional blonde hair peeking through. For a moment it was quiet, save for the sound of crickets and katydids. He exhales, smoke billowing out his nostrils,

“Did good today, Johnny.”

“Same to you sir.”

He hands me his cigarette, watching my every move. His jaw clenches when our eyes lock. The tension in his shoulders eased just a fraction, and I saw a flicker of warmth in his gaze. Suddenly, every racing thought I had came to a screeching halt when he leaned forward, grabbing the smoke from my mouth,

“Johnny,”

His voice is low, raspy. My face burns, his nose nearly touching mine,

“Si- Lieutenant.”

The wood above us screeches, he pulls away faster than I can blink. We freeze, waiting for another sound, but all we can hear is Price’s god-awful snoring. One of them must've shifted around in their sleep.

He clears his throat while he leans against the doorframe, towering over me. He tucks his thumb under his belt loops while I shove my hands in my pockets, running my fingers over whatever I shoved in there earlier. I speak in a whisper that makes him lean in again,

“Got ye somethin nice.”

“That right?”

He says in a voice I've only heard a handful of times before: breathy, almost a sigh, broad accent coming through. He takes a drag when I pull out the knife, holding his hand out,

“Mhm.”

He hums in acknowledgment when I set it in his wide palm. He slides it out and inspects it, holding it under moonlight to see the handle. He snorts when he reads it,

“Yeah, real nice.”

He tucks the knife in his boot and straightens up, flicking his smoke, roughly patting my face,

"Good boy."

He heads upstairs, sleeping with the rest of the crew. Two hours later I am relieved by Garrick.

Wish he left his hand there longer than he did.

[silenzahra]

First of all, thanks a lot to @megamagimugi @itsavee4117 @bberetd @keakruiser @pepperycar

@coffeecat1983 @peaches2217 @stripetkattelalala54 @multicolour-ink @vulpixfairy1985

@purely-interests-here-not-much for your comments on my latest post. I truly appreciate your support as I really needed it. Hope it's okay that I vent under the cut so you're all free to continue reading or skip this post, but I hope you all understand I'm not in the mood whatsoever to be around right now. I know you've tagged me in some stuff and I appreciate it, but I just can't enjoy it right now. It has all to do with my emotional state and nothing with the content itself. Hope that is clear.

Also, thank you to those of you who reblogged my musicians post after I fixed it. I really appreciate it. I'll make sure to give you all proper answers... I just don't know when yet.

Before I go on, let me advice you: if you're in a good mood today, maybe you shouldn't read this if you don't want it to be ruined. It's totally up to you. Just know that I'd never judge anyone for putting their mental health first.

Yesterday was the most awful day of my life. I came to the realization that the people I thought cared for me the most, the people who were supossed to always be there through thick and thin... don't actually care about me. They always put others first, no matter what my necessities and emotions are: they're always there for other people but they're never there for me. Even when it's obvious that I need them, they just don't see it and continue to help everybody else but me.

And I feel lonely. I've never had trouble with being alone as my hobbies usually require that I'm on my own to properly enjoy them, but that's one thing... and loneliness is something very different. I'm never alone, but I'm lonely. And their attitude also makes me feel so unimportant... Makes me wonder why on earth I'm here. Why my family had me if they weren't gonna care about me. Especially my emotions... No one in my family has ever made me feel like they're a safe space for me to open up. Never. So they don't even know what I'm feeling because, whenever I try to tell them something, they change the subject or simply don't pay attention. My voice doesn't matter. I literally have no one to turn to IRL. Heck, they don't even make me feel loved anymore. They make me feel like a burden they have to deal with, and I can't even move to live on my own for financial reasons.

In all honesty, I never thought I'd find myself in such a situation. I don't even know how to act anymore. I have to continue living with my family, seeing them every day, and I just don't know how to look them in the face. The feelings swirling in my chest... they hurt, and I feel that I need to let them out, but I literally have no one IRL. My friends, they all live in different cities, and have their own lives and problems, so they can't always be there for me, and I'm okay with that because I'm also busy. I'd like to get back to therapy, but it's expensive as hell where I live, and I have just started working for the first time after a few months, so I don't have the means for that.

In all honesty, this morning I took the day off from work and went for a walk with my dog. This may sound weird, especially to people who don't have any animals, but I'm not exaggerating when I say my dog Baloo was the only one (in my immediate surroundings I mean) who noticed yesterday that I wasn't feeling good. He has a great emotional intelligence and was there for me when I needed him, and I'm glad I could walk with him this morning because it really did wonders to us both.

Still, shortly after I got home... everything went bad again. I'd dare to say even worse than yesterday. And I'm so tired and drained.

I don't even know why I'm in this world anymore. It's just suffering and suffering, one bad thing after another, and I sincerely can take it no longer. I've had enough. I don't even find joy in the SMB franchise anymore... Yes, it's that bad. I've hit rock bottom and all that's left for me is drowning.

Thank you if you've read everything and sorry if I bored you or made you feel bad. I just hope you understand that I don't feel like being around whatsoever. I love you and your content, but I can't enjoy it right now, so I'd rather not see it until I'm fine... if I ever get to be fine again. This is the worst bad streak I've experienced in a very long time and I sincerely cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. Heck, I can't even feel excited about seeing my favorite band live again next week... Can't even look forward to that right now.

Of course, you're all free to continue to tag me in stuff if you'd like, but I hope you know I'm not gonna see it now. As I said, I can't enjoy anything in general. I've lost the spark of joy and I don't know how to get it back.

Sorry to sound so depressed, but it's just how I'm feeling right now.

Of course, all of this applies to the people around me in real life. I'm grateful I met each and every one of you, and I'm lucky and blessed that you offered me your support and you're there to listen. I love you all very much.

[heesbabygurl]

Second Chance

Part 1

Pairing: Jay x fem! reader

Genre: angst, fluff.

Warnings: second chance, exes to lovers, alcohol/drinking, cursing, jealous jay, 7 minutes in heaven (nothing really happens) I think thats all.

Synopsis: you never thought you would never meet jay, after your kinda dramatic break up.

I DON'T SHIP ANY OF THE MENTIONED IDOLS TOGETHER!!!

A/N: hope you enjoy!!

"Dang, you look hot," shuhua whistled, as I walked out of the bathroom, "you know, if I didn't have a boyfriend I would literally wife you up."

"Break up with him then?" I smirked lazily as I sat down on the couch opposite her.

"Okay." We stared at each other for a few seconds before bursting out into laughter.

"Sometimes I really think you two are gays." Minnie said, sitting down next to me.

"Who said I'm not?" She looked at me like I had grown two heads.

"Ooh, then we can all be girlfriends!!" Chaewon giggled out, Minnie just shook her head and stood up.

"God, y'all really are gays aren't y'all?" Chaewon just hummed in response and also got up, "let's go It's already nine forty-five we have to be there at ten."

Shuhua nodded, also standing up, "let's go girlfriend?" She winked at me while also smirking.

"Let's go girlfriend!" Minnie just groaned out and walked out of the door, while me and Shuhua giggled.

When you arrived at the party It was already 10:20, so lots of people were there, the house was packed you could barely get through people to get to the kitchen.

"Hello, babe!" Yeonjun's cheerful voice rung through  the crowd of people.

"Hey, baby!" Shuhua smiled brightly walking up to her boyfriend and giving him a long kiss on the lips.

"Ewww, get a room!" You shouted out, making them break up the kiss.

"Why? you jealous?" Shuhua smirked.

"Very much." You giggled.

Minnie gave me a stinky side eye and continued her conversation with Chaewon.

"Hey, guys!" Yeonjun turned towards you, "so how do you like the party so far?" He said leaning on the kitchen counter.

"Great so far," Chaewon said, me and Minnie nodding along.

"Good to hear," he smiled, "oh, I want to introduce you guys to someone, this is my friend beomgyu!"

A guy walked out of the swarm of people, and you can't lie, he was hot.

"Hi, I'm beomgyu!" He smiled brightly holding his hand out for y'all to shake.

"Y/N, nice to meet you."

"She's single!" Minnie suddenly chimed in, making your ears go red.

"Gosh Minnie! Why would he even need to know that?!" You yelled out trying to keep yourself composed.

"No, it's actually good to hear that," you went still for a second "I wondered, do you want to go dance?"

"Yes! Yes she does!" Shuhua answered before I could.

"Yes, I guess."

"Good then." Beomgyu took my hand and walked me to the "dance floor".

You were having a blast, dancing your heart out. Not minding a second that beomgyu's hand has wandered down a long time ago, and it was now resting on your ass.

You completely forgot about everything, about your friends, about colliding with sweaty bodies, about jay.

That was until beomgyu got tired and said you two should go get drinks, you agreed almost immediately, worn out from all the dancing.

You were almost in the kitchen when you heard a really, really familiar laughter. As you got closer laughter got louder and there you saw him sitting at the counter, smiling brightly along with some of his friends.

Once you were finally there everyone's attention was on you, you looked around, your friends nervously chuckling.

Not because he was there, but because, he was there with an arm around a girl.

He looked at you, his expression changing, his arm almost immediately dropping from girls waist.

You tried to compose yourself, smiling brightly as you walked even closer.

"Umm, hey," jay said awkwardly, you nodding in response.

"Long time no see," he tried to lighten up the mood, but only making it worse by what he said next, "this is Bailey, um, my girlfriend."

"Hey! Nice to meet you!" The said Bailey held out a hand for you to shake, But you were too lost in the thoughts to say anything, a girlfriend? Really? This quickly?

Guess it really was a bet then.

"Umm.." bailey coughed out awkwardly, still waiting for you to shake her hand.

"O-oh, I'm sorry, I just got lost in the thoughts, nice to meet you too, I'm y/n."

You really tried to sound okay, but one look at your best friends told you enough.

You didn't look okay.

"So, umh, how have you been?" Jay tried to start a conversation, but when he got no response from you, and only a deathly glare, he stopped talking.

"Are you done?" You turned to beomgyu, "let's go dance."

"Aren't you tired?" Beomgyu chuckled.

"No, in fact, I'm boosting with energy! Let's go!" You cheered out.

"Okay, okay." He laughed softly, following after you in the crowd.

Right after you and beomgyu left, tension in the air seemed to lessen.

"What happened just now?" Bailey was looking around for answer, but no one dared to say anything, until jay finally sighed out.

"She was my ex girlfriend," Bailey's jaw fell to the floor.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" She sternly turned to him.

"Why would I?" Jay scoffed, "she's my ex, nothing important.”

"Nothing important? I swear-" Shuhua stood up, ready to stomp over to him.

"Hey, calm down!" Chaewon held her back.

"Let go! I'm gonna show him how important my best friend is!" She struggled to get out of the grip Minnie and Chaewon had on her.

"It's not worth it," Minnie muttered, looking jay deadly in the eyes, "you can't fix a player," She made sure he would hear her last words, before the trio left.

"A player? Really? she broke up with me, She betted on me." Jay called out to no one in particular.

"Well, I'm not trying to be that friend but, didn't you also bet on her?" Jake called out from behind the counter.

"Whose idea was it?!" He bit back.

"Not mine!" Jake yelled out.

Jay stood up, his girlfriend long forgotten.

"Where are you going?" Bailey asked, annoyed with his boyfriend's current actions.

"To the bathroom," he didn't look back at her once, "have fun, I'll be back in a few."

She just nodded and got lost in the crowd.

Jay wished he didn't come to the bathroom, he wished he was blind, he wished, what he just, saw was a bad dream.

His blood boiled, He couldn't stand watching you with another man.

Not when you were in someone else's arms, not when your beautiful lips were touching lips that weren't his.

Not when you were making out with fucking choi beomgyu.

He took a step forward, already planning ways to kill beomgyu, when suddenly the reality hit him like a ton of bricks.

You weren't his anymore, you didn't love him anymore, not that you did before. It hurt him, but he couldn't do anything other then just stepping back, and leaving you in another man's arms.

When you walked in the living room with beomgyu's  arm around your waist, your friends gave you a look that said "we'll talk later," but you just shrugged and sat down on the couch, more like beomgyu's lap.

"So, what happened why did you called us here?" Beomgyu asked, his hand now resting on your thigh.

"Well, we're sorry If we interrupted something," Chaewon gave you a teasing look which you just answered with a groan, beomgyu just chuckling, "but, we wanted to play seven minutes in heaven!!" She squealed out of joy.

"Ugh, come on, can't we play something else?" You groaned, gripping beomgyu's hand when you felt a strong gaze on you, trying hard not to look that way.

"Why? Are you scared of staying in a dark closet with someone for 7 minutes?" Minnie challenged.

"Of course not!"

"Then play."

"Fine!" She smirked.

"They're not playing?" Beomgyu pointed at shuhua and Yeonjun who were silently giggling in the corner about something.

"Nope."

"Okay, then since everyone is here shall we start?”

“Yes!! Let's go!”

“So who’s first?” everyone looked around, waiting for each other to raise their hand.

“fine, I'll be first.” Chaewon said out of frustration.

She took the empty beer bottle, setting it down on the floor and spinning. It took the bottle few seconds to stop on sunghoon, jay's friend.

Everyone cheered as Sunghoon stared at Chaewon, slowly getting up and holding out a hand for Chaewon to take.

Chaewon also quickly stood up, taking his hand walking to the closet.

“We're starting the timer,” Taehyun called out, “remember, It's only seven minutes, so hurry up!”

Everyone laughed as you stared at closet door, waiting for your best friend.

After seven minutes, you waited for them to step out after calling out their names few times.

“Hey! Get the fuck out you weirdos!” Soobin finally having enough stood up stomping towards the closet door, he was about to start banging on it, when the door opened, stepping out you saw your best friends red ears and a dizzy smile.

“Gosh, we're out!” Sunghoon yelled back, squeezing Chaewon’s hand and returning to his seat.

You quickly sent a wink toward Chaewon, which made her even more flustered, as she also made her way to her seat.

After a few rounds you were all sitting on the floor legs crossed, and anticipating after every spin of the bottle who would it land on.

It was now bailey's, jay's girlfriend's turn, she spined the bottle and it landed on kai, Yeonjun’s buddy.

Jay didn't even had a reaction, at how fast his girlfriend stood up to walk to the closet, as If she was waiting for this moment since forever.

After few seconds kai also followed and they shut the door, and not even two minutes later you could hear moaning coming from the closet.

“Jay, bro, aren't you gonna do anything? Your girl is literally making out with someone behind that door.” At heeseung’s words jay just shrugged, and set his gaze on something else or rather someone else.

You could feel how his gaze was burning holes on the right side of your head, as you were having conversation with beomgyu.

You tried not to look, you tried so much, but It felt like your body was putting a war against your brain, and you took a quick glance at Jay, but that quick glance seemed to last a little too long.

His eyes were dark, It felt like he was staring into your soul, not blinking once, like he was in a trance.

That was until his eyes trailed a little downward and fell upon your lips, your lips, he missed so much.

You unintentionally bit your lip, making his eyes darken even more, and now It was your turn to stare at his lips.

You noticed sudden tension in the air, as you both refused to look away from each other.

Others might’ve noticed it too, because they were staring at you two like there was a visible line connecting your eyes together.

Suddenly Beomgyu coughed next to you, making you two break eye contact you tried to maintain so bad.

Jay just smirked, looking at the closet door waiting for his soon-to-be ex girlfriend to step out of it.

And like she read his mind, she stepped out of the closet, surprisingly neat looking, compared to the sounds you heard.

She went to her seat, smiling at jay like she didn't just cheat on him, in front of him and his whole friend group.

“Well, who's next?” Yeonjun tried to change the topic, which seemed to work really well.

“Me, I'll spin It.” Everyone’s eyes turned to jay, as he took the bottle, ignoring his “girlfriend’s" protests.

Before spinning it he looked up, making another subtle eye contact with you before finally spinning it.

You partly hoped It would land on you, why? You don't even know.

It felt like ages, as the bottle spined, spined, until It finally stopped on,

You.

Suddenly everything seemed to stop, you could hear few gasps which were probably coming from your friends.

Jay smirked, but only you seemed to notice.

He stood up, looking down at you as you stared up at him, and he walked towards the closet without single hesitation shown in his actions.

To everyone's surprise you also stood up, turning towards your friends, whose jaws were already on the floor, not expecting from you to agree with this.

“I'll just get it over with.” You simply said , slowly walking towards the door, stopping in front of it, should I really do it? Should I really go in? These thoughts were running through your mind, but you still gave in.

You opened the door stepping in, “7 minute is starting!” you could hear Jakes voice calling out to no one in particular.

Silence. Awkward.

These were the two words you would use to describe the current situation, with you and jay standing at the either end of the closet room.

You thought this seven minutes would go in silence, which you would appreciate, but to your luck, jay ruined it.

“How have you been?” he mumbled out, staring down at the ground, It seemed that his demeanour took a 360° turn, when he was left alone in a tight space. It took you a few seconds, to answer.

“Fine, how about you?” you, never In a million years, would thought you would need to fake a smile around jay, but here you are now, showing him a smile so fake It almost looks sickening.

"Not good,” he sighed out.

“W-why?” you tried to keep the conversation going.

“How could I be good, or even happy, when the love of my life left me?” he finally looked up, making yet another eye contact with you, but now not with a darkened gaze, rather... sad?

“D-do you mean-"

You were as confused as ever, how could he say It with so much pretended sincerity that It almost looked so real? How could he call you the love of his life when you were nothing but a bet?

“Yes, I meant you. Who else?” he chuckled lowly.

“How, how, can you call me the love of your life, when our whole relationship was just a bet for you?” You took a step forward raging, but still keeping your voice low.

“What?” Jay also stepped forward.

“Our whole relationship was just a bet for you, so don't you dare call me the love of you life!” You raged out, raising your voice a bit.

“What do you-" He stopped mid-sentence, a wave of realization hitting him.

“Yes, Park fucking jongseong I knew about the fucking bet!” You took another step forward.

“What? How?” He too, took a step forward, “and even if you did, It doesn't matter, I was a fucking bet for you too!”

“Oh.my.fucking.god!” You yelled out not even worrying about others hearing you, “you don't fucking get it do you?”

“Get what?” Jay also raised his voice, “that you're also at fault here, and you're only blaming me? For something we both did?!”

“I didn't fucking bet on you!” You finally lost it, “ I didn't fucking bet on you, you stupid son of a bitch!”

“Oh, so I'm making It up?” Jay getting even angrier at the insult, stepped even closer, backing you up against the corner, “weren't you the one who invited me to that fucking restaurant, on that fucking day, to fucking dump me in front of your friends and make fun of me? Huh? Am I making that up too?”

“That was a Fucking set up!” you finally screamed out.

“Oh, please save those excuses for later!” Jay laughed almost mockingly at you.

“That day, when you asked me to come to the locker room, I heard you,” he suddenly stopped, staring at you, “I heard you and Jake talking, I heard how you said our one year relationship was just a bet, And I got angry okay? I didn't knew wether to confront you or just don't say anything at all, and then I got the Idea to pull a reverse card on you, and to make you think I was also betting on your feelings, but I really wasn't.”

Jay was stunned, he couldn't say anything, although he wanted to. He just stared into your eyes, looking for any insincerity, but he couldn't see any.

That's when he realized how much he fucked up, how much he fucked up for not running after you that day at the restaurant, for not stopping you and for not demanding an explanation from you, and for not giving you one either.

“I wish you confronted me so I could tell you how much you misunderstood me,” He smiled sadly, “You're right, At first It started out as a bet, but then a few weeks into the bet, and I-I had already fallen for you, I mean how could I not?” He looked at you trying to show you how sincere he was.

“I wish you confronted me.”

“What?” you looked at him surprised.

“I fell in love with everything about you, starting from your amazing heart to your laugh, your personality, your beauty. There was nothing in you to not fall in love with, I even thought about stopping the bet, but you know, my stupid ass just didn't wanted to be called a quitter, so I just got along with it,” he chuckled sadly, “I'm so sorry, If I made you felt like I never loved you, because I really did, and I still do.”

“Jay, I don't know what to say, I thought-" he stopped you.

“Please don't say anything, I don't wanna hear a no from you, I can't take it.” He looked down at the ground and few seconds later you heard sniffling.

“Oh my gosh, Jay are you crying?” You took his face in your hands, loving the way he leaned further into the touch.

“I'm so sorry, but I can't stay away from you for too long again.” Your heart broke into million pieces as you stared at his watery eyes.

“Oh, baby, you don't need to stay away from me. Come here.” He quickly wrapped his arms around your waist, putting his face in the crook of your neck, as he sighed out a sigh of relief, as if a heavy weight was lifted off of his shoulders.

“You really mean that? You're not going anywhere?”

“Yes, I really mean that, I'm not going anywhere.” You chuckled as your grip around his neck tightened.

He suddenly straightened up, taking your face in his hands and gently kissing you on the lips.

“I missed you, I missed this.” He said between the kisses you two shared.

“I missed you too.” Finally during these few months, your smile was genuine for the first time, and It was as bright as the sunlight, if not brighter.

When you opened the closet door, you didn't expect to hear a few yelps as your friends fell on their butt on the floor.

“You guys were seriously eavesdropping?” Jay chuckled out, holding a protective grip over me when he noticed beomgyu walking towards us.

“Don't worry, I won't steal your girl.”

“You better not.”

Everyone busted out laughing at his protectiveness.

“So, you guys made up?” Jake asked looking at our intertwined hands.

“Yes, of course.” You answered calmly.

“Ugh, Thank fuck, I couldn't stand another night of Jay crying himself to sleep.” Jake whined out as everyone irrupted in fit of giggles.

“You cried yourself to sleep?”

Tag: @capri-cuntz

[diagonal-queen]

Hellooo, Do you write for Mushitarou? If you do Can I request Him to get drunk (at first Mushitaro and Y/n status are just friends.)

Mushitaro feeling low and sad? He's just sad about his friend's death but at the same time would never speak out about what he had done to Yoko. He vents pretty faintly to Y/n and y/n would still try to comfort him no matter what? But Then, in some way it turns out into some hot make-out session, please?

[I hope this isn't confusing </3]

i do indeed write for the astrology babygirl!

Secret Secret

♡ pairing: Mushitarou Oguri x gn!Reader

♡ synopsis: Noticing that your friend's mood had shifted recently, you decide to ask him about it while the two of you are out drinking. Things go in a...certain direction.

♡ wc: 1.2k

♡ cw: Consumption of alcohol, Mushitarou and reader get a little drunk, and they also make out, Mushitarou is struggling mentally after killing Yokomizo (spoilers, whoops), mentions of intrusive thoughts.

note: I'm really hoping that this is what you asked for and I didn't totally misunderstand the request...if I did, I'm sorry anon T-T Apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy x

Mushitarou had been acting differently recently. You'd noticed it almost immediately, but you hadn't said anything about it because you got the notion that you wouldn't get anything out of him anyway. It was at its worst when it was a new issue; he was slowly getting better, or so you'd assumed.

You'd come to learn that Mushitarou's new attitude ran deeper than you'd assumed when you brought alcohol into the mix.

Mushitarou was unusually quiet after a few drinks. You had both gone out drinking together a few times in the past, but those times were often lighthearted and fun. Alas, you could cut the current tension in the bar with a knife.

"Hey, Mushitarou?" You finally decided to ask him, breaking the silence. He cast his yellow eyes towards you.

"Yes?"

"What's got you all sad and stuff? You always seem, like, really melancholy. Well, not always, but I feel like when you think I'm not paying attention to you you behave that way. And I've been noticing it for a while, but I thought it'd pass, but it hasn't. And I'm worried."

It all came out at once, which wasn't exactly how you'd intended to bring up the topic, but you guessed it could have been worse. Mushitarou was the type of person who could keep up with things, anyway.

"...ah, I suppose I should..." he began, after a moment of silence. You waited for him to continue. "Or- no. I shouldn't."

"Shouldn't what?"

"Tell you about- no. Alright..." he muttered, seemingly more to himself than you. Mushitarou was rarely so incoherent. On the contrary, you knew him to be rather eloquent. Safe to say, you were a little confused.

"No pressure," you quickly decided to interject before he could say anything more. "It's fine."

"...things are different now, in my life," he explained. "I've...done things I regret, and I've associated with people I...I've lost others, too, and it's just...I've been affected by it all more than I thought I'd have been."

You were smart enough to know that he was skirting around the issue, being annoyingly vague about it. You wondered why he didn't want to tell you what was wrong. Did he think that you wouldn't be able to understand? That telling you wouldn't help anyway?

"...you're a strange one, Mushi," you sighed, playing with your glass. "I don't really get you most of the time."

"I suppose there isn't much of a point in trying, is there?" He murmured. You turned to him.

"That doesn't mean I don't like spending time with you, though," you hastily clarified. "I care about you still."

"I know...I know you do. And I don't want to hurt you." You turned to him with a frown.

"Why would you ever do that?"

"Do you think I'm a bad person, Y/N?" He then asked, ignoring your question. You tilted your head at him.

"Why would I think that? Of course not," you answered. "You're my friend. We wouldn't be friends if I thought you were a bad person."

"...right. I just..." Mushitarou trailed off, before taking another drink. You watched him do this, your gaze clearly concerned. He didn't seem to want to look at you.

"Have you been having intrusive thoughts, or something?" You asked, quietly.

"Hm?"

"We all have them, y'know. It doesn't make you a bad person, as long as you don't act on them and hurt people."

"That's not it..." he told you, his eyebrows furrowing almost as if he were flinching. "I mean, of course I've had intrusive thoughts before, but that's not relevant to my matter. This is...much more serious."

"Serious? Are you in danger, or something?" You quizzed, worriedly.

"No, nothing like that," he said, though you couldn't tell if he was being truthful.

"Are you sure?"

"...I shouldn't be telling you this," he sighed, burying one half of his face in his hand. "I don't want you to think differently of me."

"I don't think differently of you, Mushi," you reassured him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You can tell me anything, you know that."

"...you're much too kind to people, Y/N," he told you softly, fighting back a solemn smile. "You'd hate me if I told you the truth."

"No! I wouldn't hate you, ever," you insisted earnestly. "I'd never hate you, Mushitarou. Don't say that."

Your sincerity prompted a quiet chuckle from Mushitarou.

"You're so precious, Y/N. I could never hate you either," he closed his eyes and let out a long exhale. "...I don't want to lose you."

"You're not losing me, Mushitarou," you said, hardly noticing the way your hand slowly travelled from Mushitarou's shoulder to his cheek. "Whatever you've got going on, we can handle it together. I promise."

"...you promise?" He repeated as he leaned in, as if he hadn't heard you properly. You nodded, your faces growing closer and closer.

"I promise," you said, glancing at his lips. Mushitarou seemed to be sharing your blooming desire, though he appeared to be waiting for you to take initiative. "Mushi..." you cut yourself off by locking your lips with his.

Though you'd never considered kissing Mushitarou prior to tonight you wondered why you hadn't done so sooner- it was as if his lips were made for yours. They were warm and soft, and rather gentle against yours, as if he were somewhat apprehensive.

When you pulled apart for air, Mushitarou blinked, his expression suddenly incredulous.

"Y/N...you...?"

"...yeah," you breathed with a smile, kissing him again. This time, your hand snaked around the back of his neck, his travelling to your chin to tilt your head so he could better capture your lips. His hand was cold and the sudden contact caused you to gasp against his mouth, which quickly curled into a smirk.

"Shut up..." you murmured, bashfully.

"I didn't say anything," he replied, pecking your lips once more before you could respond.

Neither of you were quite aware of the depth of your actions, due to a combination of slight drunkenness and being so lost in the taste of each other. Admittedly, if the two of you had stopped to think about it, you probably wouldn't have really cared anyway.

"By the way, I..." Mushitarou trailed off, before clearing his throat. "I like you, too."

You stared at him for a moment, awestruck, before letting out a giggle. "...that's good to know. This would all be pretty awkward if you didn't."

"I do trust you," he continued, brushing a loose lock of hair from your face. "I just...things are complicated at the moment. Not with you, of course, but-"

"Mushi." You interrupted, firmly. "I understand. I'm not upset, or anything. You can tell me about it when you're ready, alright?"

"...yes, alright," he nodded, before pulling you into an embrace. You rubbed his back as you buried your face into the crook of his neck. "Thank you."

"Mhm..." you hummed, before you raised your head and pressed your lips to the corner of Mushitarou's mouth. "Hey, uhm..."

"Yes?" He asked, pulling away to meet your eyes. You bit your swollen lip, suddenly nervous.

"Do you wanna...continue this at my place?" Mushitarou's eyes widened slightly, before a relaxed smile appeared on his face.

"...it'd be my pleasure," he answered, offering his hand to you. "Shall we, then?"

in my long and illustrious life i have kissed one (1) persons and i'm sure they regret it every day. so yeah, i'm pretty garbage at writing kiss scenes. sry (ノ_<、)

[writing-whump]

Status: upset and getting worse

Seline is scared, Matthew is upset and Isaiah deals with the fallout. Emeto, fluff and comfort.

✨️You can find the wonderful illustration for this chapter made by @bellysoupset here✨️

Isaiah thought today would be an easy day. Apparently, that was too much to hope for.

When he got out from the parking lot, whistling softly to himself, he noticed a someone cryiny at the bench few meters from their building. The sniffing noises and shaking shoulders...

He turned the corner to take a look if there was something he could help with, only to find it was Seline.

She didn't have a jacket or she was only in her pelty slippers.

"Seline? Hey." He went to her, crouching to be on the same level, watching her teary face. He could see no injury or obvious cause...and why wasn't she inside?

Seline looked up at him, sniffling. She gave him a strained smile, rubbing at her cheek, trying to take her composure back.

"What's wrong? You are crying." He hesitated but then reached for her hands to hold them in his in her lap.

"It's fine, I just..." she stiffened again, fresh tears welling up.

"You are cold. Come on inside and you can tell me all about it," he said softly, tagging at her hands.

She recoiled from him. "No! I'm not going up there."

Isaiah's head went back a little. Okay, something was very wrong here.

"Did something happen with Matthew?" He asked, dread clawing up his back.

"Oh, did something happen with Matthew?" She said mockingly through her tears, crossing her arms on her chest. "What would happened with Matthew? Ah, you mean how he threw a wolf jealousy fit, pulled his shadow on me and scared my student into getting sick on the sidewalk?"

Isaiah stiffened. "Did he attack you?"

"Yes. No. Technically he just pulled his shadow up and then didn't follow us out, so I guess we should all thank him and be happy."

Okay, this was more than alarming. He thought Matthew was pretty settled with them since they moved in together and he and Seline seemed to get along well. They went to all those bonding activities she came up with and dozed off together on the couch and all in all their new roomate situation seemed to have been working well...

He needed to know the whole story. From Matthew as well. But he couldn't just leave her here crying alone, could he?

Isaiah sat down on the bench next to her. "Come on upstairs. You are cold. You don't have to talk to him. I'll figure this out, hmm?"

"No, I'll not. This was a mistake, all of it." She looked at him accusingly.

He didn't know what to say. But she was trembling so he shook of his coat and threw it over her shoulders.

The gesture made her blink and cry harder again.

"Seline..." He said helplessly.

"You are going to be on his side, aren't you?! Because he is a wolf, and he can't help it, and it's just that his shadow is strong and of course he would react to a foreign wolf on his turf..." Tears were sliding down her cheeks freely now, in quick succession, dripping from her chin and skipping to the side into her hair.

He was starting to understand this though. Seline said she didn't like how her parents coddled her younger brother when his pubertal hormones and moods made it harder to control his shadow. She had moved away after an argument with him.

On the other hand Matthew never had a pack of his own. His shadow was so troublesome in combination with his bad temper, he was always rejected. Of course he would react to challenges to his place and territory, even the smallest one...and more so because they weren't an official pack and it made their shadows insure. Shadows were primal, primitive sides of them. They wanted clear territories and people that were theirs, to feel stable. To know whom to fight and who to protect.

If they had become a pack at the beginning, Matthew's shadow could never turn against her. Not against his witch.

These would have been all understandable issues separately. But they have both just kicked their sensitive points with their hurts.

And Isaiah didn't know how to clone himself to treat them both at the same time. If he could cut himself in half, he would.

"Well? What are you silent for? Just say it-" she spat with anger at him.

"I hate to see you cry," he said quietly, looking at her. Her tears made his stomach tightened and heart squeeze painfully and made him want to shake someone or break something. How could she doubt that?

Seline's eyes widened, the anger fading as something hopeful and vulnerable replaced it.

He opened his arms for her, offering, letting her choose the next move.

She sniffled and then basically threw herself into his arms, face smashing against his chest. Crying even harder.

Her closer his arms around her gently, lips on her hair. "Of course I'm on your side. I'm always on your side, silly."

Isaiah rubbed her back as she cried against him, hands balling up into his shirt. He could feel her tears seeping into the fabric.

"Shhhh. It's okay. I'm here, so it will work out, okay?" He pulled his coat more snugly around her, his shadow very happy to have her wrapped in his scent like that.

It had been clearly the right thing to say, for despite her crying her breaths were slowing down and she nuzzled her face into him. It was making his heart beat all faster, hoping she wouldn't notice.

Isaiah only cursed himself for not carrying handkershiefs on him, when Seline pulled back a little, wiping her face into her hands. She had that wobbly smile now that he was coming to recognize as her way of getting herself back under control.

"You still don't want to go up? Even if I go with you?" He asked.

Seline just shook her head. Isaiah held her by the shoulders for a bit, enjoying the excuse for contact that would soon run out.

"Listen. What about you go to the coffee house across the street, get a chai latte and cake or whatever you like and come back, when you feel better? My wallet is here," he tugged against the inside pocket of his coat still draped over her shoulders. It didn't escape him that she had left the apartment without anything on her to pay with. "Come up, when you feel ready. Or text me if you want some company. I'll go first and deal with this." He was getting seriously worried about Matthew as well, but didn't want to sound like he was ignoring her worries either.

Seline didn’t protest the idea, so he hoped it wasn’t an insensitive offer as he made his way towards the apartment. Her scent and tears were clinging to the front of his shirt and he only had his suit jacket and not the coat, so he looked a little rumpled.

When he opened the door, he was met with a sight.

The walls, floor and the windows were covered in a shadow, like somebody spilled black paint all over it. Even the sunlight was blocked. The shadow was stretched all over, moving in front of his feet. 

Seline had the right idea not to come. This would just scare her more.

“Matthew? I’m coming in,” he announced, stepping gingerly inside. The shadow wiggled restlessly, but didn’t fight him on contact. Isaiah followed the the trail as it thickened towards the bathroom.

Matthew was curled up on his knees inside, forehead pressed against the cold tiles, hands on his head as if he was trying to block a terrible noise. 

“Oh, Matt,” Isaiah sighed, going to his knees beside him. “Can you hear me, bud? Hey.”

Matthew made a sound at the back of his throat. “Zaya?” His voice was strained and raspy, on the verge of crying. 

“Yeah, I’m right here. Come on, buddy, pull your shadow down.”

“I can’t.” Matthew’s hands tigheted into fists beside him, head turning enough to give Isaiah a side-way glance. “I c-can’t control it all. Zaya, please. Roll it down for me.”

Isaiah winced. Rolling down someone’s shadow was a terribly painful thing for said wolf. Even if the shadow was a manifestation of dark instincts, cutting a wolf off from his natural power, leaving them helpless and unable to heal with their shadow paralyzed from the ordeal for the next few hours…and wolves capable of such a thing were very rare, since it required both innate aptitude for precise control and lots of skill. Not to mention the knowledge was strictly guarded, for it was an ability for pack leaders who usually only passed it over to their children or successors. 

Isaiah had been forced to roll down shadows before, when stopping an escalating clash in a public space or helping a young inexperienced wolf to hold down their agitated shadow. He had done it for Matthew once before, when the other wolf couldn’t make himself calm down in a very dangerous meeting with overwhelming numbers. 

But he hated doing it. It wasn’t right, any part of it. And if Matthew came to rely on it too much, temper or not, he would never have the confidence needed to control himself. 

“Matt, you can do it on your own,” Isaiah whispered. “I’ll help you, but you have to do it.” 

Matthew took a shuddering breath as if he was trying to lift weight off his back, then clenched his teeth. “I can’t.”

“None of that.” Isaiah’s voice grew louder and commanding. The black haired wolf gripped Matthew’s shoulder, trying to offer an anchorpoint, something to ground him. “You are alright. You are not your shadow. You are in control. You win this. It has no place here, when you command it. You hear?” 

Matthew let out a quiet sob, eyes squeezing shut. Something was moving though, cause the shadow tentacles over the place started to pull back together, concentrating in a whirlpool like shape around them. 

“That’s it. Very well done. Just a little bit more. Don’t let it breathe. Don’t let it think it can win.” 

Matthew nodded, whole body tensing. The rest of the giant mass pulled back into what looked almost like a regular looking human shaped shadow, if a bit too black for the small light of the bathroom. 

Isaiah watched it carefully. “That’s it! Excellent work-”

He was interrupted by a loud gag as Matthew heaved over the floor, once, twice and then a giant pool of barely digested food splashed against the tiles. 

Isaiah grimaced, gripping his shoulder harder so Matthew wouldn’t crash head first into the mess. “Okay. Take deep breaths.”

Matthew heaved again, whole body shuddering as more puke joined the mess. “Sorry-”

“Shut up. It’s fine. Everything is fine now.” He rubbed Matthew’s back. It was sticky with sweat and he could feel every laborious breath the red haired wolf took, fighting against the nausea. 

Matthew gagged and coughed, then made a move to stand, only for his feet to buckle underneath him. He collapsed against Isaiah, who grunted, catching him. Matthew’s energy seemed to have been sapped completely, for he didn’t try to get up again, sprawling over Isaiah’s lap like a rag doll. 

Isaiah let them both just breathe for a minute, though the smell of vomit was intense. Matthew’s head was over Isaiah’s stomach who had his legs folded underneath him, leaning against the wall to support their combined weight. 

“She hates me now, doesn’t she.”

Isaiah looked down at Matthew in surprise. “Of course not.”

“I smelled the fear on her. On the kid too, but…that was worse. For a second I-”

“It’s your shadow. It reacts too strongly, especially when you are surprised by a foreign wolf.” 

“I wouldn’t have hurt her, Isaiah. I swear I wouldn’t.” Matthew’s voice was hoarse from emotion.

Isaiah’s hands slipped around him from behind, gently wrapping him closer against him. Matthew didn’t protest, melting in his arms. 

Isaiah’s shirt was still wet from Seline’s tears. 

“It’s the pack thing,” Isaiah said finally. “We have been really close since we started living together. Your shadow craves it. So it feels threatened easily. Like someone is trying to take her away.”

“I should be able to take a visit from another fucking wolf.” 

“It’s not like you have much experience with…friendly interactions.” 

“Oh yeah? What do you think this is?” Matthew asked, his tone getting more ironic and like him again. 

Isaiah chuckled. He was getting the impression lots of things would get a lot easier if they just did become a pack. Just like Reuben said. Their shadows would stabilize, their tempers calm, the insistent threatening incomplete feeling would go away. And thing like this wouldn’t be weird. Not like it felt off now.

And Isaiah realized how badly he really wanted it. For all three of them to be a pack, to be able to worry, touch, protect and comfort each other with a prerogative right to do so.

"We are going to figure this out, Matt. One problem or two aren't going to destroy everything."

@bellysoupset

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.58 Still scared

I appreciated her asking, but the question blindsided me and I hesitated to answer. The issues that still haunted me were mine to work through, and I didn't want to burden her with them. The last thing I wanted to do was make her feel even the slightest bit of regret. But I couldn't lie to her and say everything was fine. No matter what I wanted or how I presented it, this burden would always inevitably end up at her feet. She had always handled me and my hesitations with grace, but I wished she didn't have to handle them at all.

"I'm going to be honest with you," I said, "but I don't want you to take it personally and think you did something wrong, okay?"

"Of course. Okay."

I inhaled deeply and bared my soul.

"Being here with you gives me so much joy. I am where I want to be. These feelings I have for you...I've been trapped inside myself with them for a while. You forced me to reckon with them in a way that both scared me and freed me. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't have concerns."

She nodded slowly, and I feared she still took offense despite my warning.

"You think this is a mistake?" she asked.

"No! Being with you is one of the best decisions I ever made, however scary and unexpected it was. But..."

I had shared many things about my life with Sophia, but I glossed over the painful parts in favor of keeping the mood light and not wanting her to feel sorry for me or whatever women did with men's drama. But I couldn't keep her in the dark forever.

"The thing is," I continued, "My parents are divorced. You know that. What you don't know is how it affected me. I didn't find out why they broke until I was well into my teenage days. I lived nearly my entire childhood wondering what happened and confused about why we couldn't be a family anymore, especially when my parents seemed to get along."

"My mom cheated on my dad for literally no reason. She was in love with another man their entire relationship, even though she said she didn't realize she had feelings for him until right before she cheated. But anyway...I was so devastated by that. Like, I just couldn't picture it. My mom? She was so perfect and magical to me. I just couldn't imagine her hurting my dad like that...hurting me like that..."

"And to be so flippant about it? Who decides to destroy their family like that??"

My face started getting hot, and I couldn't lose my cool, so I took a moment to calm down before continuing my sordid tale.

"Ever since then, bits of information about their relationship and past lives keep coming out here and there, and every time I think it can't get worse, it does. I feel like if this can happen to two people who were very happy and in love, what hope is there for me? I have zero reassurance that I can be happy with someone for the rest of my life."

I took another moment to breathe and reflect on everything I blurted out. If I didn't have Sophia and hadn't committed to being brave, I think my words could have hardened my heart. But I continued.

"My parents started dating, moved in together, and got married within a matter of days. One thing my dad said he would do differently was date longer. We've known each other way longer than my parents did, and even though it feels like we rushed into living together, I know that's not really the case. But I can't deny how familiar this feels. On one hand, I feel like we have a solid foundation and are well on our way to a long, fulfilling life together. But on the other hand, I feel like we're following in my parents' footsteps and are perfectly primed for repeating their mistakes."

"Wow," she said. "You never really told me about their situation. I figured it was just one of those things you didn't like talking about. I had no idea it was that bad."

"Now you understand why it took me so long to ask you out. I wanted to call you so badly immediately after getting home from Mt. Komorebi, but...I just couldn't. This fear paralyzed me. I only recently decided to work toward fighting against it."

"I understand, Luca. Trust me," she said with a little extra something in her voice.

I turned back toward her with my eyebrow raised, but she turned away from me.

"I am all too familiar with what you're going through," she said.

"Yeah?"

She nodded.

"Let's just say...I've been where your dad is..."

The anger that attempted to arise in me earlier returned, and I wanted to know names and addresses. What kind of idiot cheats on a sweet angel like Sophia??

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

"Yeah, thanks. I've had a lot of time to get over that, but like you, there are certain things I haven't been able to shake. And also like you, I'm working to grow past them. I asked you to live here because I know you're the man for me, and I am the woman for you. I love you, and I want you around. But...there is a tiny voice inside that tells me I need to keep you close so I can watch out for threats. I ignore it because I trust you, but it doesn't go away completely. So...yeah. I know what you're going through."

I completely missed the last part of what she said because my hearted pounded in my chest so loud I couldn't hear a thing when she admitted she loved me. SHE LOVED ME?!! The weight of her admission pressed down on me, filling me with a mix of exhilaration and terror. I wanted to reach out and hold her, to tell her how I felt and say it back, but the fear held me captive. I could share many things with Sophia with ease, but when it came down to exposing the deepest depths of my heart, I freaked out. The words got stuck in a huge knot in my throat. I swallowed a few times, trying to stuff down the fear that tried to choke me, but it prevailed.

"I...I want to say it back. I'm trying to... In my heart, I know that's what I feel, but..."

I longed for the words she deserved to hear to flow effortlessly from my lips, and it pained me to admit I wasn't ready. It hurt so bad I could feel the pressure of tears building up behind my eyes. But I couldn't cry in front of her. Not over this, especially after everything I'd just confessed to her. But she grabbed my hands and caressed them, giving me hope that one day I'd be okay enough to tell her exactly how valued she was.

"Hey...it's okay, Luca. Don't beat yourself up. I said it because I was ready, not because I wanted to hear you say it back. We don't have to be ready at the same time. I agreed with what you said about us rushing. It was a long time coming, but it was sudden no matter how you look at it. You need time to adjust, which was why I asked the question in the first place. Don't rush the process on account of me. When you're ready, you'll say it."

I don't know what I did to make the Watcher deem me worthy of such a woman, but I was eternally grateful.

"I'm glad you understand. You're a real gem and I..."

I tried to ignore her and force myself to say it, but it still wouldn't come out. Instead, I said, "I care about you deeper than I've ever cared about anyone."

She smiled.

"I will take that and cherish it."

Need to catch up? See what you missed or start reading here!

When I moved in Luca, I checked her relationships, whims, etc. to see what I'd be working with. She had the fear of being cheated on! We're still getting to know her, but what do you think?

[akariarda]

Help

After Crystallized, Garmadon is badly injured and doesn't want to let Lloyd help him.

Request from ao3!

"Hey you there!" Garmadon yelled when he saw someone stealing something.

"Let's run!" One of the thieves shouted to the other, and they fled to the neighboring street.

"Darn it." Garmadon grumbled to himself in anger.

A leisurely walk soon turned into a futile attempt to catch criminals.

'You want to be good,' the voice inside him reminded him. 'Then help!'

"Alright!" Garmadon yelled and ran after the delinquents.

He had nothing to lose.

Or maybe he did.

Garmadon realized when he stumbled over something on the road, something placed there.

"Ouch!" Garmadon's hand hurt so much and he felt like bruises were forming all over his body.

"We did it!" He heard the thieves celebrating in the distance.

"I don't care anymore." Garmadon yelled after them. He really didn't care anymore.

"And it's nothing to me!" He pretended as he slowly wrapped his hand in his coat.

"Ggrmrn!" Garmadon groaned in pain. Why did it hurt so much?

He tried to look at his hand, but immediately gave up when he saw traces of blood and swollen flesh.

"Stupid thieves!" Garmadon grumbled as he walked towards home, the monastery.

"Dad?" Lloyd looked at Garmadon confused. "Are you heading home already?"

"Yes, I'm bored." Garmadon tried to pretend as if nothing had happened. Unsuccessfully, as Lloyd noticed his wrapped hand.

"Did you get hurt?"

"Just a little." Garmadon tried to dismiss it.

He didn't want to think about the severity of the injury now. It would make him sick just thinking about it.

"Can I take a look?" Lloyd cautiously tried to touch his hand.

"No!" Garmadon fiercely pulled it away from his son. It hurt so much.

"Dad, please..." Lloyd begged Garmadon, who squeezed his eyes shut in pain.

"It's nothing." Garmadon tried to lie.

"Don't lie to me!" Lloyd was angry. "I'm going to the monastery to find you help."

"I'm going to the monastery, but I'll help myself there!" Garmadon snapped back and continued walking.

~~~~~

"Why are you so stubborn?" Lloyd cried out in despair.

"Why are you so annoying ?!" Garmadon retorted.

He was in so much pain and wasn't in the mood to listen to Lloyd's persuasions, which he had listened to the whole way to the monastery.

"Please, dad." Lloyd tried again. "You need help. Do it for me."

Garmadon softened a bit at those words.

"You're a good boy, son." He gently patted him on the head with his uninjured hand and then tightened the bandage around his injured hand again.

"But I don't want anyone touching my wound." Garmadon hoped everything was clear. From Lloyd's expression, it wasn't clear to him.

"Please let me be alone." Garmadon asked Lloyd and sat on the couch.

His hand was trembling so much, and he felt nauseous. Terribly nauseous.

"I'll get you some water." Lloyd said softly. "Then we'll talk." Obviously concerned, Garmadon noticed.

"Should he have been?" he quietly wondered. The pain in his hand became unbearable and the nausea even worse.

Soon he felt the world spinning around him. He just wanted it all to stop.

"Lloyd?" He tried to ask but his voice wouldn't come out.

"Dad..." He faintly heard Lloyd's voice. The last thing he remembered was grabbing the glass in his hands.

And then everything turned black.

~~~~~

"Dad..." Lloyd returned to the living room. Garmadon didn't look too bad, just lost.

"Here's some water." Lloyd bent down and handed him the glass. Garmadon took it.

Lloyd turned around to get something when he heard a loud thud.

"Dad!" Lloyd shouted and rushed to Garmadon, who lay unconscious on the couch and the glass was broken on the floor.

~~~~

Garmadon slowly opened his eyes. He didn't remember much.

"Where am I?" He asked, and then the images began to return to him.

Hand..

Bandits...

Lloyd...

"Dad." Lloyd gently took his hand. "We gave you some medicine and cleaned the wound, are you feeling better?"

"It doesn't hurt," Garmadon noticed in surprise. "It's just numb. Is it bad?."

"Quite a lot," Lloyd pushed. "But you'll be fine.I will take care of you.And you have no choice."