#and i'm not sad rn. i'm okay
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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okay but the agony of logan loving and having to kill his own universe's wade and then falling back in love with him in another universe
#user: gossippool 😝#FUCKKKKK#if i weren't already half crying over this other fic premise i'm working on rn i would write this#like i know this is kinda a happy premise overall but my brain makes everything sad so#goddd#okay#deadpool & wolverine#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine#wolverine#logan howlett#deadpool#wade wilson
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The thing no one ever considers while writing up character analyses about Merlin is that. he must have been sooooooo sleepy.
#I see everyone talking about the nuances when you look at Merlin through [x] lens#BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SLEEPY LENS#WE CAN’T KEEP SLEEPING ON THE SLEEPY LENS#(can u tell I'm exhausted)#see this reads as if I'm joking but I'm actually being SO serious. I think the lack of rest was a significant factor in Merlin's conduct#IF he got a solid 8 hours of sleep + 2 hours minimum JUST to himself everyday uninterrupted... I just know things would turn out different#like it isn't even asking for much. decent sleep + a frankly sad amount of down-time. and yet. I know he didn't get that w those 3 jobs#ugh#he must have been TIRED do you hear me#even applies to morgana she looked tired tbh. those prophetic dreams probably weren't great for restfulness. sad what she did but#she did seem sleepy#okay ignore this I am going through it. extrinsic intrinsic coagulation pathways have gotten to me if u know what I mean#actually wait no if anyone sees this don't ignore it#HE MUST HAVE BEEN SO SLEEPY and everyone must understand. SLEEPy.#I hope I do not wake up and reread this and wonder why I posted this. but like I feel like I am the correctest person on planet earth rn#I've been thinking abt merlin's nap deprived state for years now tbh#merlin#bbc merlin
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realizing i have. a lot of untapped trauma potential for clone^2 danny because i just Fully Processed Four Months Late the fact that his parents were capturing and torturing ghosts in the basement before he became Phantom. and the fact that he was on house rest for 2 weeks. during that time period. and he wasn't really leaving the house. he could hear their screaming through the floorboards
*points at clone danny* i can give you suuuuuuch a bad time babe ahaha. i've got two untouched years before you meet damian what fucks you up before then
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#clone^2#danny fenton is a clone#like i dont even need to traumatize you worse the pure explorative options from this aLONE is enough to feed me for a week.#like. tucks hair behind ear let me shatter you into glass pieces then glue you back together babe. i can put you back together so good.#i'm missing a few shards because some parts of you broke into such small pieces i couldn't pick them back up again so you'll be missing a#few chunks of yourself that you'll never get back but that's okay. you'll still be a resemblance of your old self :]#don't let anakin (me) listen to late night sad songs he makes angst.#hhh imagine being stuck in a house for two weeks where you can hear your parents torturing ghosts in the basement and not only that but#you're the only person who can undERSTAND the ghosts. how many times did he see his parents drag in a ghost with whatever capturing device#they made recently? iirc the thermos was like. brand new in episode one right? but gOD the trauma this alone would cause#nobody touch me im cooking rn i need to think about how this would impact danny. like obvs it would fuel into a developing obsession to#keep his parents away from ghosts and to help the dead but what *else.* i need to refine my becoming phantom ficlet i wrote back in winter#raaa#and like even after two weeks they were *still capturing ghosts* danny just wasn't in the house 24/7 at the time.#*but those two fucking weeks man*#i need to sleep on this first before i make any major moves bc i know im tired but i am having thOUGHTs
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Pull up a chair in front of the full-length mirror, and sit me (naked) on your (fully clothed) lap facing the mirror with my legs spread. Make me watch you play with my sensitive clit until I'm whining and dripping and begging for you to put your fingers inside me. Insert one finger slowly. Hold my chin with one hand to keep my dizzy eyes focused on you gradually fitting a second, then third, finger inside my aching pussy. Pick up the pace. Move your hand from my chin to cover my mouth to silence me as I moan louder and louder. Make me climax so hard I'm shaking and squirting all over your lap.
#PLEASE#PLEASE I NEED THIS RN#i just wanna forget how fucking sad i am okay 😭🥺#don't mind me#just daydreaming about happier things#if you see this no you don't#🙈#my post#softgothbabe#long reads#hornyposting#need this#needy#i'm in a mood#don't look at me#me and who#tags for days#nsft concept#nsft community#nsft bd/sm#nsft overstimulation#nsft yearning#nsft thoughts#nsft writing#nsft#bd/sm community#bd/sm kink#bd/sm blog#my writing#overstim kink
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Happy (almost belated) Birthday, Tenko Shimura!
wanted to draw something light after... you know 419...
#fanart#sketch#my art#bnha#shigaraki tomura#league of villains#tenko shimura#hana shimura#happy birthday tomura#even if rn it seems it's the worst birthday of his#I'm still processing that chapter#and I wanted to draw something nice so this seemed like a good idea#wanted to add something sad to just memorise this day#but instead just got myself to listen to Omori ost while drawing#and I feel like I won't be able to draw Tomura even if I tried#it's too much rn#I'm way better than in the morning#but it's still tough#it's 10 minutes untill his birthday is over in my timezone#it's... *sigh*#I need a break#anyway#I hope he'll be okay#wherever he is right now#Also update since I forgot to mention I realized that's it's basically my first time successfully drawing Hana
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Quinn Sketch WIP. He's so boyfriend in that interview.
(My tablet is acting up. It kept having those dotted strokes 🤧😭 but it goes away ?? But it's there (top right Quinn's shoulder. Jk. don't look. I beg.)...maybe I need a new tip for the pen?? Woops just realized how scribbly i made Quinn's beard...umm...woops it's a sketch please)
#ruinix sketches#WIP#idk if i'll finish it#i'm too sad rn#quinn please be okay i dont mind if he'll be out AS LONG AS HE'LL REST AND RECOVER#“48 hours to figure it out” quinn i will lock u up in your room#i need a new tablet#quinn hughes#hockey fanart#vancouver canucks#canucks#nhl#hockey#qh43#qhughes#huggy bear
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I know I'm literally just a mentally ill gay 18 year old but I wish sanji was real so I could hug him and tell him everything's gonna be alright
#this came about bc of sanji's damn sad eyes. THEY'RE ALWAYS SAD#I'm not okay#in my feels rn#sanji#black leg sanji#one piece
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personal growth is crazy because it seems like nothing has changed until you're crying because you don't want to die. you learn something about yourself that ten years ago would have actually killed you, and now you're thinking about what you can do to heal and make peace with it. nothing may have changed to you, but to the person you were however long ago, you are the "it gets better"
#guy who's very proud of how well he's handling things rn lol#anyways personal time:#but idk man i kinda remembered smthn from my past n#like. if it wasn't for how much effort i've put into my mental health n coping skills#n my support network now#idk id be in a much worse place.#so i'm gonna forgive myself for not really sleeping last night#n having a hard time with my bpd feelings n emotions#because fuck man! i'm doin really good actually!#growth doesn't have to be oh man i'm never ever sad anymore#it's just. idk i don't cry because i Wanna die anymore#sometimes i have an intrusive thought of suicide#and it makes me cry because i DONT wanna die. and i know those thoughts are not good or needed#but i'm not gonna beat myself up for having them. i'm just gonna be patient n gentle w myself#n give myself time#n everything will be okay(:#bc it is okay! it's in the past and i'm safe now. and i wanna make other people feel safe too#growth starts w baby steps. n that's why it's so hard to recognize in yourself a lot of the time#it goes slooooooowly. for me at least lol.#mine#despite everything i am happy because i know my life now is one i love (: and one im actively trying to better for myself
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sorry for not doing anything for valentine's day this year, but happy valentine's day! hope everyone had a good one!
#ash rambles 💚#it's just been a long day for me adhqjdhw i wish i could do more but I'm exhausted and tired and not the best I could be#wanted to send out some f/o letters but unfortunately i dont have it in me today 😔 I'm sorry#i only just got home#buuut#that means it's time to play y.akuza- because what else does ash do on valentine's day LMAAAOO#i havent put too much thought into what I'm doing with my f/os today and we don't have any big plans#but j.oongi and I both ended up buying each other the same bouquet of roses- which is just funny as hell ajdhqjdhs#methinks that ash and j.oongi went out for a bit but then went home and cuddled and talked. it's nothing special but they're so happy!#the weather is very gloomy today so it's nice to stay inside and cuddle and keep warm!#i think k.enzo and ash went out for a nice dinner too#but yeah i think all my ships just took it easy#I'm very exhausted from my life as of late and honestly i don't even care for valentine's day like that#so we're all just chilling#and making out but dw about that part#ok#back to y.akuza 7#I've got priorities#oh right I'll play the demo for the new game later today too! my ex texted and was like 'ASH YOU'VE GOTTA PLAY THE DEMO IT'S SO PEAK-'#and he's my friend and i trust his judgment#and also i wanna play dress up with m.ajima LMAO#maji love love love~!#not my favorite y.akuza character but i do very much like him! it's gonna be a while till i play the game though bcs I'm still on 7#okay back to y.akuza and cuddling some f/os ajdkahd been a little insecure about some of my ships as of late but rn I'm honestly too sleepy#to be sad about them#y.akuza will wake me up! I'm at that point where you give the money for the election in chapter 12#time to leave ijincho!!!!!#oh#right#like a flowing wind 🔳
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2024 Las Vegas GP ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ by Irwen Song
#max verstappen#red bull mechanics#autumn posts#I hope everyone is well if you're reading this!!! 💞💞#work has me so stressed rn ahh 😵💫 sometimes it just gets so overwhelmingly busy#I have to remind myself everything will be okay 🌅❤️✨ and all I can do is my best!! I'll keep on working hard 🔥 then relaxing hard too hehe!#I can't be around as much and its sad when the season is almost over!! my first end of a season as a new fan!!#one chapter closes and another to start 📚#but I'm excited for the winter break too ❄️🩵💙 so much fanfic I cannot wait to catch up on reading!!!!! so hyped!!! 💖💖#and maybe to write...imagine if I had a fanfic blog out there somewhere 😳✨ hehe its not a big secret but I'll maybe link it here soon!!#I'm kinda still cutting my teeth (is that the phrase?) like getting used to putting stuff out there#but I'm just so immensely thankful to everyone there and here on this blog!! like...#the likes and tags and posts and art folks share 🥹💞 one of the best parts of my day is stopping by tumblr and sharing in this with y'all#so thank you for always being so excellent and all the wonderful shared vibes and musings and fun over the blorbos ✨🙂↕️#a delight!!!!!!!!!!!#okay back to work here 🫡❤️ idk love to gab in the tags#excited to be back soon!!! 💖💖💖 sending everyone the most immaculate of vibes for a great time of day wherever u are!! 🏙️🌃🌇❤️✨
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#how much venting can i do on this account before tumblr deletes me#i'm scheduled to go visit my family for the holidays tomorrow and i am sooooooooo not looking forward to it#i'm trying to keep the trip as short as possible but bringing my cat with me (wouldn't dream of an alternative) -#- means my transport options are limited#i would looove to enjoy Christmas but rn it's just a holiday that epitomizes stress for me and i feel so BAD#UGGGHHHGGGGG#one day maybe i will be able to establish my own traditions and make a reason for myself to celebrate#but atm i'm just sad and lonely and fucking stressssssed#okay thank you for letting me vent it will probably happen again#but i'm gonna go and reblog some saved posts that aren't downers ahdkdhsh#sending everyone out there warmth rn#snailem speaks#vent#delete later
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damn I yap a lot
tldr; im alive, sadly im still on hiatus, other stuff is fine now I just have new [physical] problems, you'll know when I'm fully back (give it another couple months) and comfortable, I'm in a [technically well-over] 3-month long ongoing depressive episode [not tryna do trauma olympics or make anyone feel bad btw it's all chill]
so sorry if I've left you hanging [with art or smth], I'll get to it in time, I promise [I may have unwillingly forgotten, likely not but there's a chance]
Hey, I'm alive, I have been for the.. almost 6 months I've been gone. Holy shit, I didn't even realise that it's been that long. I figured I should at least say something in case anyone is worried or wondering even though everything isn't solved yet, so, here. [under the read more so it's not flooding or anything]
Also, I figure I should apologise for venting on main and just leaving it up - this is all going to stay up because I need to keep it somewhere to aid with my memory issues - but, still, must've been a little weird
Absolutely not a good time to say all this [for me bc I haven't thought this message through] but I'm kinda half-back, just on hiatus from socials due to declining physical health. Really badly declining, I need help honestly
Originally, as you know, I was gone because I had a really bad fall out with my mother, but things pertaining to that have been solved now [except me not feeling 100% safe and trusting to my mother, that will never change. She's tried hard, I just wish I could find her reliable emotionally as well]. It's just that, since then, basically, all these physical problems that I don't understand have been royally fucking me up and messing with my mental too. It's messed with everything I love. I don't know what to do anymore.
Oh wait, where I was actually going with this, so
OK nvm I forgot but you'll see me around bc I've been talking to certain people trying to pretend like nothing's happened and I've made the kinda-silly decision to not fully come off hiatus or talk to other certain people before I'm okay again.
#so the post is for the practical stuff n the tags r for emotional btw [or at least I tried to do that]#[yeah just except the para starting with “originally” I'll keep that there despite being unnecessary]#-#genuinely. im so scared. im so scared all the time [most of the time not scared of anything in particular - I mean the physical problems#fuck me up by making me scared and sad and tired most of the time for no reason]#I have no energy and it's all up and down and even though I actually feel okay rn [not good but okay] after literally breaking down an hour#ago I still know this shouldn't be happening#nobody is going to believe me if I say I have high-functioning depression. who do I tell. well they will believe me but how would it help#and I'm so scared to tell anyone for no reason. I'm not scared mentally rn but no matter whether or not Im ok the emotion stops me from#taking action if that makes sense.#--#I don't understand what I did to deserve this why is this happening to me#why are these internal problems out of my control happening to me#I don't understand and it truly deeply scares me#---#I meant to out this at the start of the tags but fuck it I'm too far in and on mobile to go all the way back now#thank you if you read this far. truly thank you because I need someone to talk to and my irl's are not an option for all different reasons#if I reach out to you about smth random please talk to me as if I'm still not half-gone.#feel free to message me whenever about wtv despite the “hiatus” I need it#... if you have read this far for whatever reason please text me that my Rui loves me my brain is trying to guilt me and say he doesn't#[that just happens when I'm in a certain state even tho that's when I need Rui the most selfship mutuals u get it pls help me out]#he. he does love me right? I swear he does I just. can't seem to believe it right now#I shouldn't have pushed all that to the bottom when it was directly telling my mutuals what I need lol#I feel a little hopeless sometimes. that's not like me I'll be alright in the end. no not that. I'll be better than alright I can fix this#I can fix this. I just need help. god I need help.#at the very least I'll be alright
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guess who said he was gonna go to sleep three hours ago but has just been scrolling on tiktok this whole time
and had another mental breakdown 💪
#I'm gonna sound like a sad little gay boy#but#I really wanna see my qpp rn#like genuinely I just wanna a hug from him#everyone else can fuck off#but then at the same time my bpd says he will immediately leave me if he sees how shit my mental health is rn#we love attachment issues here#no but actually#I am like really not okay rn#may have attempted#I downed like two bottles of pills and then puked them up and then passed out for a sec#so that's fun#anyways no one is gonna see this post so I can say whatever#and if someone sees this post no you didn't#but no one sees my posts when I post at this time#can you tell I'm not stable rn#💊} vents
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7am, eating cold leftover teriyaki stir-fry for breakfast and crying over blorbos
#normal Saturday morning behavior#redacted spoilers#redacted audio#redacted sam#Seven.txt#rp audio stuff#well. crying over one singular blorbo in particular. Sam's still got me in an emotional chokehold#and i'm too sad to even make a stupid little joke abt how i wouldn't mind if it was a physical one too. ayeee *insert sad eyebrow wiggle*#no but seriously. i have so many feelings abt him and i can't even say it all bc some of it isn't public info yet#eh fuck it i'll just draft this until the audio goes public and then i'll post it once it's no longer Exclusive Info#bc i dont wanna leak Early Access stuff but i have to get this out of my system rn and the new audio is part of what sparked these thoughts#which is funny bc i. literally haven't even listened to it yet. i'm not Ready 😭#where's that tiktok screenshot that's like. 'hyperfixation so bad that i can't even engage with the source material' bc that's me rn#like bro Sam only won the poll like. 2 or 3 days ago and Eric is Already dropping a new Sam audio?? hello? Mr. Redacted i wasn't prepared#anyways i was spoiling myself by perusing the comments last night trying to get a feel for if it's gonna be more angst or comfort#and i saw a comment that absolutely shattered me. and it reignited all my sad thoughts about Sam's eventual. uh. y'know. death.#apparently they plant a tree together or smthn in the new audio (which already has me & my beloved 10y/o orange tree feeling some kinda way#but to the individual in the comments who brought to all our minds the image of Sam sitting beneath that tree in 30 or so years time#when he's decided that he's ready to die and sits out there waiting for the sun to rise..................... 🥲#i'm gonna need u to compensate me for all of that unexpected emotional damage /j /nm#i'm Still not over what he told Darlin' while they had their talk about the future up on his roof together. that audio killed me#then yesterday i was listening to my Sam & Darlin' playlist while cleaning. and Malibu Nights by LANY came on. which i always skip bc Sad#but i let it play and just started crying. standing in the middle of the room all disheveled and holding a broom. as one does.#iirc that song is one that Eric himself said is applicable to Sam which is why/how i found it and put it on the playlist. and god. g o d#hm. i hope that wasn't Patreon exclusive info. i can't remember if it was a public post where he said that or not. hope it's okay to share#but if we can take that song as like. unofficial canon for Sam then that also confirms my idea that he used to drink to cope#which makes the opening lines of Fix What You Didn't Break by Nate Smith even more applicable. i should go edit that post actually#anyways i'm just. feeling a lot. and i love Sam very much and i don't want him to die. but i want him to do what he wants at the same time#Alexis took so fucking much from him. he deserves to live - and end - his life on his own terms. ... i think i need to go write something#*casually fishes this post out of the drafts 3 and a half days later* hi so uh. i wrote a 4k oneshot :) and will hopefully post it tomorrow
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#I am certain the pap pics of Louis in Malibu were taken before the death#but before or after (as they claim they are) can I say how fucking creepy it is sending drones or whatever#to take pictures of him and his family chilling and living their lives in the private yard of their private fucking rental#obviously 20x worse if now but honestly not remotely okay if a few days ago either#and actually doing that and then sitting on them and then being like ooh yeah I know what'll get clicks#we'll use these now and say they are current look he doesn't care he's fine#is maybe worse than either#SO FUCKING GROSS AND WRONG#(although obvs if they are current not being visibly in tears at all times doesn't remotely mean anyone is fine I LOOK FINE RN#it doesn't mean I'm not fucking sad as shit)
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