#and i'm like yeah bc i do but like why have i been the one trying to get our group (of 3) to hang out for the past like two months

[leclarifies]

off the grid - IV

✰ max verstappen x !driver reader ✰

summary: you strived for nothing but perfection. nothing less was expected from you. being a female formula one driver made it even harder for you to make mistakes. you figured that dating max, your biggest rival yet, wasn't a mistake...right...?

genre: kinda slow-burn? mostly angst, eventual fluff at the end.

wc: 3k

a/n: short chapter bc i wanna focus on the pure fluff in the next chapter, this is just an insight on what happened between the two of them and how they reconciled, hope you like it!!!!! mixed a lil smau in there too

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"i don't know what to do, i'm stuck in a loop, stuck in a loop. i don't know what to do, 'cause i fell in love with you." - chase atlantic, 'you'

"you look like shit," was the first thing lando said when he saw you, you blow him a raspberry and a stink-eye. you raked your hand through your hair as you exit your apartment, he had asked you to go to dinner with him with the other drivers and somehow, even with your big wage, you still didn't have a car so you needed to catch a ride with someone.

"thanks, i think the lack of sleep is finally getting to me," you say as you turn around and close the door behind you, locking the apartment door.

"you haven't been sleeping well?" lando asked curiously, now piqued by interest when you talked about your lack of sleep.

"no, i've been sleeping like shit and my performance is like shit and everything is like shit and all i want to do is sleep but i can't sleep. so cheers to me being a female formula one driver, right?" you asked lando sarcastically as you both started walking to the elevator.

"okay well... before the sleep problem, you've been doing well right? so why don't you go to the doctor and get some... sleeping pills or whatever?" lando asked as he pressed the button to the elevator, putting his hands in his pockets once he was done.

"mate, what the hell do you think i've been doing? i've been popping those pills like it's candy. it's not working," you huff, tonight was not something you were looking forward to. human interaction with more than one person drained your limited energy.

"maybe it's anxiety then?" lando suggested as you shrug, you didn't know what it was. you knew the root of the problem though, but you weren't going to share that with lando.

"fred is going to fire me at the end of this season, i can feel it," you heard the elevator ding and the doors open, it was an empty elevator thankfully.

"that's not fair though, checo's been having two shit seasons in a row but he's not getting fired by red bull," lando commented as both of you get in the elevator, and you shrug once again.

"ferrari is not red bull and checo isn't a female driver—"

a hand stops the elevator doors from closing and you see a familiar dutchman emerge from the doors opening.

"ah max! you live in the same building as y/n?" lando smiles politely at max, those two don't have the friendliest relationship but since the fiascos that happened in 2024.

max smiled at lando and flashed you a quick but polite smile as well, "ah yeah, i live across from her. did she not tell you that?" max asked as he entered the elevator doors as it finally closed, you didn't say anything. your eyes not even on the dutchman but on the doors behind him.

"well she never mentioned it, you're invited to the dinner as well right?" lando perked up when he realized that max did in fact live across from you, you just wanted out of this elevator for once.

"yes, which is why i'm also in this elevator with you, lando," max laughed before the three of you settled in, the elevator ride was short as you reached the basement floor where lando's car was parked and you assumed that max's was there as well.

after a moment of silence and exiting the elevator, max speaks up again, "why don't you guys ride with me? save some gas. i'll drive you home lando."

fuck.

lando had taken the back of max's valkyrie, wanting you to feel comfortable in the front, but what he was oblivious to was the tension between the two of you.

thank god the ride was quite short, you could've died from the tension if that car ride was any longer than ten minutes.

exiting the car was easier than getting inside of it, max's car keys was handed off to valet as the three of you walked inside of the restaurant.

"i think i'm gonna go to the toilet first, you guys go right ahead," lando announced, quickly rushing over to the toilet before you could protest.

your timing is so shit, lando...

max took the opportunity to talk to you, grabbing your hand before you had the chance of even entering the private room the drivers booked.

"can we talk?"

you turned to look at max who was holding your wrist gently, his blue orbs were clouded with something— you couldn't put your finger on it. he just looked so pitiful and sad.

"talk about what?" you ask as you gently tugged your wrist from his grip, crossing your arms in front of your chest. you were full expecting him to rub the issue in your face, that you needed him somehow to keep with your performance.

"you know what i'm talking about, don't act dumb," max looked away and glanced at the private room, knowing that this conversation will soon end after lando rejoins the two of you.

"i don't know what you're talking about," you shrug, feigning stupidity as you turn back around. thankfully max lets it go for now and lets you both enter the room with no more interruptions.

you're met with a table filled with energy, drivers, wives and girlfriends alike cheered as you guys entered the room, all with smiles and greetings.

you smiled politely and greeted everyone as best you could even with your limited energy and conversed with the others.

you were bracing yourself for a eventful night.

you had told everyone that you would retire early and max piped up if you wanted a drive home, but you opted for a walk instead. you wanted to clear your head. then again, the streets of monaco was quiet in the middle of the night.

somehow you found yourself at the start of where the track would've been if it was race week.

you imagined the race cars, the grumble, the cheers, the noise from all the things happening when it was race week.

you remembered the way people screamed when they found out you started on pole that week, the way the headlines wrote itself when you fought hard to get where you were. after two hard and long years in f1, you finally found your breakthrough.

"first woman to win a driver's championship with ferrari"

"first woman to take pole in formula one"

"first woman to score points in formula one"

"first woman to lead a championship"

first woman.

it was etched into your soul.

that monaco win was much needed for your self-esteem. you finally told yourself that maybe you deserved the ferrari, that you clawed your way to the top and you were deserving of all of these titles the fans gave you.

it was short-lived of course, all the other races afterwards were all individual pieces of shit that you couldn't control. whether it was having to do lico because of your overheating engine, or your inability to focus because you felt so tired, everything was going to shit as you reached the end of the season.

you knew the reason why, it was the night terrors that couldn't seem to stop and it made you be too scared to sleep, even with how tired you were.

you just couldn't bring yourself to fall back asleep.

but you knew that if you had just spent one night sleeping at max's—

no he's mad at you. you can't find comfort in him anymore.

your feet naturally followed the track, turn 1, turn 2, turn 3, before you knew it, you were almost back where you started.

it was a good walk, reminiscing of your win in monaco. it was an exhilarating experience, you would've retired right then and there if you could.

suddenly you feel someone following you, but you were too scared to turn around, to look at who it was. it was a bad idea walking the streets along at night, but you didn't particularly care at the moment.

"it's not good walking alone at night, especially if you're a woman," a familiar dutchman's voice rung behind you, you didn't turn around to look. you knew exactly who it was.

you wanted to chuckle at the irony, here you were being scared that a creepy old man wanted a piece of you, but it was the person that gave you the most comfort.

"i think it's creepier that you've been following me around," you say as you continue walking, not wanting to give him time of day, not wanting to hear what he had to say about you or your relationship together.

"i haven't, you didn't notice my car but i saw you walking around aimlessly and i decided to stop and catch you, i just finished dropping lando off," max tells you as he catches up next to you, walking alongside, "can we please talk?"

"i wasn't walking around aimlessly and like i said earlier, there's nothing to talk about," you scoff but that's where max grabs your arm, forcing you to look him in the eye.

you missed him, that was for sure. you didn't fight it this time, just letting him grab your arm as he wanted.

"you haven't been sleeping well," you didn't know how but he made that observation, you didn't want to have this conversation right now.

maybe it was the eyebags underneath your eyes, or maybe it was your performance. you were too scared to confront your feelings and actually say what you felt in front of him. it wasn't the fear that he didn't feel the same way, but what baggage expressing those same feelings would bring.

you were shifting from foot to foot, your eyes were nowhere near max, and then he did the thing.

"look at me when i'm talking to you, y/n," max said softly as he pulled you closer by the arm, hooking his finger underneath your chin to make you look at him, he often did that before when you straight up refused to look at him, "why didn't you come to me?"

"how could i come to you after breaking your heart like that?"

"i still care for you as a friend—"

"so you shut out friends like you did to me?" you ask, your eyes glassy now, tears were threatening to fall.

you were really scared now. you felt like shit after rejecting him like that even when you felt the same way. maybe you couldn't sleep because the fact of the matter was, you caused him heartbreak.

another burden for him to bare, another burden that you gave to him. you hated feeling like a burden to someone else and this was it, you gave that to him. you made him feel like shit and you knew it.

max sighed before looking away then back at you, "i was wrong for that, i just felt hurt. i thought you felt the same way and when monaco happened and you told me you didn't feel the same way, i was crushed."

you felt a drop in your stomach.

you did that to him.

you did that to a person that you cared about deeply.

then you told yourself,

maybe it's alright. maybe i should tell him i felt the same way.

what more pain could i bring other than indirectly telling him that i didn't feel the same way?

what more burden could i possibly bear to give him?

"who told you that i didn't feel the same way?"

"what?"

"i never said i didn't feel the same way, i just told you i was bad with words. i didn't know how to express myself and it hurt seeing you walk away like that when i didn't know what right words to say," you admitted those feelings from all those weeks ago, "i just didn't want to hurt you by the things i couldn't say."

max had that look you knew all to well, relief, excitement almost. he was happy, he thought for all these weeks that you genuinely didn't love him the way he loved you.

he beat himself up for those weeks, putting all of his soul into racing. never resting, never giving him time to think about what happened with you. he didn't want to think about it.

he put all of his energy into his races, making him win back to back to back, even with a "shitbox" (his words not mine). he didn't want to think about you, because if he did, he might've broken down mid-race.

"there were no bad things to say in that situation, you could've just told me how you felt," max breathed out, he was holding his breath before encasing you in a big hug, as if his worries were washed away by the excessive stress you have been giving him.

you stood there, arms gently wrapping around max, melting into the hug, you felt safe in his presence. he was someone that you could be quiet or loud with, someone who could just laugh together along with you over something stupid.

you missed this.

you missed him.

the way he smelt, the way he would touch you, the way he would treat you so gently, as if you could break if he was any rougher.

he took both of his hands and placed them— into your soul.

he was in love with you and he didn't want this night to end.

you placed a gentle kiss on his lips, "can you just take me home? i'm so tired, max."

"i'll take you home, schatje."

when you came to, you were in a pile of tangled limbs, your arms and legs entwined with max's. you spent the night at his, not wanting to return back to your mess of an apartment. you were greeted with polite meows when you did get back to his apartment, the cats happy to see you after so long even though you realistically weren't that far, only barriered between a few steps and a door.

you were the only one awake in his apartment, his cats happily snoozing at the end of the bed with max's face buried in your chest. he was holding you tightly, like you were going to disappear if he let go.

you wanted to chuckle at the thought of that.

you never felt like you meant this much to anyone, and now with max's admission of how he felt for you, you felt at peace for the first time in your life.

last night, he peppered you with kisses until you fell asleep in his arms, not wanting to let him go either. he was a precious man, and you needed to keep him safe at all costs.

your life had been so turbulent, all of the pushing for you to reach the top, all of the abuse you had to go through at home, all of the words you had to hear just because you were a woman when you were racing.

it felt nice to just have to worry about staying at the top.

then you realized, it was the first night you had experienced in the past few weeks that you didn't have a night terror, you slept like a sweet little baby.

your train of thoughts were stopped by a certain sleepy max waking up though.

"when did you wake up, schatje?" max asked, sleep still laced within his voice, you looked down to see a very sleepy max, his cats were starting to wake up too.

"just a few minutes ago, did you sleep well?" you asked max as he laughed before burying his face into your chest again, he shook his head.

"i think i should be asking you that, how do you feel?" max asked as he looked back up, cats now crawling and pawing at max for him to feed them you assumed, but you just planted a kiss on his forehead.

"i slept like a baby, it's the first time i didn't have to worry about night terrors," you told him before he gently untangled his limbs from yours, a soft meow came from sassy, a hungry one.

"we have break for the next three weeks, what do you want to do?" max asked as he sat up from his previous position, tousling with his hair as he always did.

you shrug, sitting up in a similar fashion, not really knowing what you wanted to do. three weeks of absolute freedom accompanied by max sounded like a beautiful experience, but you were just thinking about how well you could sleep, "i don't know, all i can think about is how i'm going to sleep in this bed for the next couple of weeks, i'm not going back to my apartment. maybe it's time for me to change my matress..."

you felt a shove from max, that's when you laughed.

"you slept like a baby thanks to me!" he huffed before pouting, you wished you could take a picture of his dumb face.

you continued laughing as you watch him exit his room and lead his cats to feed them some breakfast, you were surprised you woke up in a timely manner considering that you haven't slept well in weeks.

you decide to get up and start your day, there's isn't a day without starting, right?

max decides on a whim that he wants to plan an impromptu getaway in italy.

"why italy?"

"reminds me of your shit team."

"thanks for reminding me that i have a shit car this season."

yes, that was his reasoning. did you want to smack him? probably.

that's how you were on a jet with max, snoozing happily.

you've realized you haven't really checked your social media recently, you decide to open it up despite a lot of people telling you not to.

that's not good.

liked by 79,000 people.

f1gossip paparazzi pictures from italy has appeared, is that y/n with max verstappen? 0.o

click to view comments.

user1: do my eyes deceive me or is that actually y/n

user2: what are they doing in italy though?

user3: probably enjoying a vacation, why are we speculating their relationship tho,,,,?

user4: did you not slide to the second picture????

user3: yep, i just did. my bad

user5: they look kinda cute together, but do the fia not have regulations for workplace relationships???

user6: i wouldn't think of it if i were them ngl, no other woman has been on the grid before

user7: okay but max looks happy, what is the issue??

user8: yeah some people are in over their heads for no reason

user9: y/nstappen shippers, this is your time to rise.

user10: been here since day 1, they're late

user11: being late to your own ship is crazy

being called by ferrari and red bull simultaneously was a lot to handle.

"you guys have two options, either deny it and not show up in public or announce it," your pr manager had called you the first second you touched down in monaco, you were rubbing your temples and seeing max pace back and forth in the balcony, on a similar call with red bull pr relations.

"or i can just not address it you know, isn't that a good plan?" you scoff sarcastically as jessica tells you that it's a hard no. she tells you further that she wants this issue resolved tomorrow.

you end the call the same time max re-enters the apartment.

"so i think... i was given an ultimatum," max says, he looked a bit sheepish, scared even. you raise an eyebrow.

"announce it or deny right?"

"how'd you know?"

"jessica told me to do the same exact thing, she wants me to die," you groan and bury your head in the sofa throwpillows, you could feel max sit next to you and pat your head.

"well, what do you want to do now?" he asked as he softly gave you reassuring pats, as if to tell you, 'it's okay, i'm here'.

"die."

"y/n."

"BUT THAT'S WHAT I WANNA DO!" you fake-cry as you sit back up right and stare at him, "imagine, the first date we go on, we get caught by paps by me staring lovingly into your pretty blue eyes! kill me!"

"you have pretty eyes too, in your defense—"

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT MAX EMILIAN VERSTAPPEN!"

max holds his hands up in the air in defense before you groan back into your throwpillow, "can't i catch a break? my shitty car with my shittier personal life."

your voice was muffled against the throwpillow, max laughed before speaking up, "so you're saying i'm shitty?"

"no i'm saying my life is going shittily and there's nothing i can do about it," you continue burying your face into the pillow, only releasing yourself from the suffocating position when you needed air.

"you're fine. anyways, do you want me to do it or you do it?"

"ARE YOU CRAZY?"

liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc, alexandrasaintmleux and 987,000 others!

yourusername this is me neither confirming nor denying to the allegations (also my pr manager forced me to do this!!!!!!!!!!) tagged: maxverstappen1

click to view comments.

maxverstappen1: I did not agree to this.

yourusername: do you want to die?

charles_leclerc: chat are we surprised?

user11: WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT?

georgerussell: um, yes we are!!!!!!

alexandrasaintmleux: i think you're the only one not surprised hun

alexandrasaintmleux: congrats love!

user12: the caption is crazy

user13: so the paps caught them when they didn't wanna be caught? that's so sad...

user14: i'm actually so happy for you!

oscarpiastri: Not something I expected for my 2025 bingo, but here we are.

user15: WHY DO YOU HAVE A BINGO IN THE FIRST PLACE?????

user16: can we please talk about this comment?

landonorris: So happy for you mate, was that what the tension was in the car? Sexual tension?

maxverstappen1: I know where you live :D

landonorris: That sounds like a vaguely worded threat.

user17: DHUAWHDNAHD???????/

user18: well good morning to you too y/n

yourusername: you think i wanted to do this??

user18: YOU REPLY???

yourusername: WHEN I AM FRUSTRATED, YES.

user18: i think i might die

yourusername: that's what i said to max when my pr manager called me to tell me to announce or deny the relationship.

user19: CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS PLEAAAAASSSSSEEEE>>>?<>?>?>

liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc, landonorris and 890,039 others.

maxverstappen1 Cheers to being exposed by paparazzi when we weren't ready, schatje. tagged: yourusername

click to view more comments.

yourusername: i look ugly in the second pic, pls delet :(

maxverstappen1: You look beautiful in every angle, please be quiet

yourusername: ???????

yourusername: ARE YOU FLIRTING WITH ME ON THE TIMELINE RN?

maxverstappen1: What are you gonna do about it?

yourusername: ??????????????????????

yourusername: 24 year old f1 driver, FOUND DEAD IN THE COMMENTS SECTION OF MAX VERSTAPPEN'S POST

landonorris: I wasn't expecting this

maxverstappen1: I still know where you live.

landonorris: Cheers mate!!

user20: oh my god my 433 crumbs

charles_leclerc: the fans can stop the allegations that you're in love with me now

maxverstappen1: Who said I can't love more than one driver?

charles_leclerc: this is where i run

alexandrasaintmleux: @/yourusername your boyfriend is flirting with mine again

yourusername: STOP FLIRTING IN THE COMMENTS SECTION

user21: this is so sweet :(

user22: they really love eachother, huh?

user23: plithhhh, i love the y/nstappen posts, keep em coming T___T

yourusername: i'll try!!!!!

user24: almost all the posts are of them kissing, god when is it my turn?

user25: I'M JEALOUS PLEASE Y/N DATE ME INSTEAD

yourusername: just pick a time and a place baby

user25: Y/N IS FLIRTING WITH ME OH YM GOF

maxverstappen1: Mine >:[

user25: OH MY OFD IM CRYUGN

taglist: @aadu2173 @chelseyyouraverageluigi thank you for enjoying this fic as much as i do writing it :3 just drop a comment if you want to be added to the taglist

[blossoms-phan]

tit summary/thoughts/spoilers under the cut!! <3

hiii wanted to make one of these just so I can ramble about everything bc what a crazy night LMAOO gonna make another post about the day so this is just about the show

my soul left my body when the lights went dark omfg, that is literally one of my favourite parts about concerts/live shows. the smoke and lights was a lot but the second they came out it’s like everything cleared up, i loveee how they come out with their backs to us and then the happy silly music when they’re running around saying hi hehehehe

the whole intro/beginning part was so fun i just loved the bits when they were just talking to us, canada love, the history of dnp/why we're all here etc etc. the dolls/diorama is such a fun little phistory recap, though i will say it was not as wild as i was maybe expecting or what they've done on other nights lol. they "wrestled" in the first one, nothing in the manchester apartment, "kissed" (69-ed lol) in the london one and that was it but they were all SO well made (shoutout pj and sophie), i loved phil's hoodie for the 2 apartment era hehe

role model or no-le model: very fun section, i wish i could tell you all the fill in the blanks we did but i can't remember for the life of me lol i shouted yaoi so loud for all of the lawyer dan ones but alas :( but i do remember lawyer dan writes erotica about timbits, then when the side by sides came up on the screens after it had been changed to "Phim Phbits" which made them both genuinely laugh it was so sweetie. we killed regular dan and doctor phil

phanspiracies were: toilet, clothes, tour bus and wedding. honestly very solid picks, it was so surreal seeing those "phan proof" comps of them wearing the same clothes on the screen down to the zoomed in picture of the underwear from the christmas cookies video 😭 the tour bus clip will never not be crazy but it was SO funny bc we cheered so loudly after phil said it was true that they shared the bed and dan was judging us but all i could think about is the stunned silence from phantwerp day one, i will never forget listening to that live and it's probably been so entertaining for them to see the shift from that lmao. the wedding edits were so funny dan was like "i know you had that as your desktop background for 6 years" and someone behind me was like "YES I DID", dan's little kick and cheeky smile at "i'm just opposed to anything traditional" ok sure

i can't remember which section this was during it was something to do with discussing a past era but phil said "maybe I was just horny" and i screamed lmao

the boxing segment ajdjkskjsf i have been waiting for it my entire goddamn life tbh and it was so fun. no one told me about the visuals on the screen ok why do they look so GOOD in them?? i wasn't actually expecting them to knock each other out or anything but it did seem a tinyy bit tamed down from what i've seen before, like they were being very gentle with each other lol but it was cute, the bite was still bite-y and the run around the theatre was craaaazy, the camera following them is so good lol

they yapped for moose. meese. meeses for a minute straight and i forgot it was supposed to be a bit it was so natural they're good at it whether they like it or not

oh yeah that's the other thing. they are fucking INCREDIBLE performers. like, they are so good at what they do and it was one of the highlights of my life getting to experience it irl. the show is incredibly well paced, the script is funny, the audience participation makes it but it's so insane to see how well they work together. the comfort and familiarity after so many years plays a huge part (there was a solid like 7 shoulder touches btw) but their dynamic is soooo good, they play off of each other so well. literally everything @cheekyvank described to me about dan as a performer is true. he was ALWAYS moving, he moves his mouth and bends and grooves and does the absolute most but it's soooo natural, like he has so much fun doing it. that man is a theatre kid all grown up and it's incredibly endearing but he's also a master, like he was MADE to be on a stage, he's so fucking good at balancing between roasting and teasing us and pointing out at people and winking and he called out someone filming without actually saying anything and it was so smooth and lowkey hot but also like jesus i didn't even risk TRYING to take a picture i am sooooooo scared of him. also thanks to you @jonsaremembers i was looking forward to the 4 g's all night, i am their geeky girlie forever and ever 🫶

and phil. oh my sweet precious baby angel. my heart was burstingggg with phil love all night. he is so, so so so good literally everything right with this world tbh. you can tell he has SO much fun on the stage as well, there's moments where his smile softens or he just looks out onto the audience and i want to shower him with love and affection (and we did! i honestly think one of the loudest screams was for "normal phil" during role model hehe). he is so effortlessly funny, the silly little run over to the microphone every time for the "hiatus" was one of my favourite bits of the show. i absolutely loved his getting real with us bit, it reminded me so much of his youtube videos- and i hope he knows how powerful and meaningful that "light entertainment" is for us. his voice was soooo soft and gentle it was like we were his children he was talking to which i guess we kind of are in this context. i love him forever and ever

sister daniel. INCREDIBLE follow up. i knew it was coming and nothing prepared me for Her. another part of the set design/production that is so well done, the visuals and the bass dropping when she comes out is SOOO fucking good. i have never screamed so loudly in my life. i would do anything she asked me to. the underwear were so fucking short i could not see a THINGGG like. fucking hell. lots of pulling the dress down and legs crossed/staying sat the whole time though lol which fair but the confessions and water spraying was fun, it will never not be funny when dan shames people for opening their mouths after they say it's sister daniel's bath water lmfaooo

the SONG!!!!!!!! the most fun. in the entire world. it's so good it's so fun. the lyrics, them going FULL boy band mode, the hands folding over and doob grab was infinitely more devastating irl. dan is so fucking good at the dance i love you forever terminal theatre kid and i think phil has reached the peak of how well he can do it and i want to give him his flowers for trying his damn best every time you keep doing you baby. the part where it kinda slows down and they're just doing the geekiest moves ever like those are my BABIESSS dfjksajdks standing up to rave with dnp in a room full of phannies was the highlight of my entire fucking life.

this was SO much longer than i anticipated and i'm probably still gonna go on about things as i remember it but it was genuinely the most fun and memorable night of my life. i love these two silly little guys so much, it was so surreal seeing them in person after over a decade and i would do anything to experience it again but i'm so, so grateful i got to do it once and i will cherish the memories forever. and this has only made me more insane about them and cemented the fact that i wholeheartedly believe they love us, this new era, and that they're not going away anytime soon so i WILL see you guys back on the internet and hopefully outside of it one day again too <3

(i lied here’s the one picture I took aka far from dan’s prying eyes during the part where they’re not there being gay getting out of their clothes)

[front-facing-pokemon]

[worstloki]

something very horrifying about the concept of Thor but not Loki being told that Loki is Jotun when the brothers are old enough to understand the importance of the secret

[lunarharp]

"Found out" set in kind of a made-up chapter where the girls are in trouble, or something.

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.

[doerot]

Many such cases of adding a third fucked up guy into the mix to make me actually interested in a ship

[hanzajesthanza]

~a vampire at dawn~

excuse the quick sketch, for this post is less about the art and more about the idea behind it... i have this headcanon from when geralt's company was trekking with the beekeepers through the wilderness:

although they were initially very grateful to have three meals a day prepared for them, they quickly got sick of having honeyed porridge served for all three of them. "Everything was sticky from the honey, even the young women." milva began to get nauseous at mealtimes, and cahir, usually ravenous at mealtimes as befits a strapping young lad such as he, even turned down a few bowls.

regis, however, was quite happy with it.

because, as is mentioned later in the book, about saovine traditions: "The spirits of the dead (...) should be given honey and groats, all sprinkled with vodka…" i imagine some confusing night where he went into a villager's hut to drink blood, but, it was around saovine, so they were even expecting someone like him to arrive and to even be looking for such a thing. prepared for such a situation, they handed him some kasza with honey. he didn't really know what to do with it, but they instructed him on how to eat... it was surprisingly pretty good, so he started pulling this on all the other villages, like hey i;m "undead" (whatever that means) do you have any "porridge" with "honey." yeah also put a little vodka on it while you're at it.

so honeyed groats turned out to be the first human food he ate, and over time, became like a comfort food to him. now he has it without the vodka though

[pollen]

i've been diving a lot deeper into adhd symptoms and comorbidities and misdiagnoses and whenever i tell my boyfriend something i learned that sounds like me he responds with something like

[magentagalaxies]

one of the absolute funniest moments on scott's tour that i wasn't able to capture on camera (for obvious reasons) was at the meet and greet after the nashville show these two older gay guys mentioned they were reading scott's wikipedia page before the show to find out more to chat about at the meet and greet and like. idk if this is just because i am very familiar with scott's wikipedia page but you could tell that was the extent of their scott knowledge (which is valid not everyone is researching a documentary on the guy)

but then they asked about the poster for the lowest show, which they'd never heard of before their wikipedia reading, specifically this quote:

"The posters—featuring Thompson lying supine on the ground with a big wad of semen dripping down the side of his face—went up around the city on September 10, 2001"

and they were like "wow we'd love to see those posters hahaha" and i immediately jump in like "oh i have that photo on my phone give me like 2 seconds"

to be clear: these guys had not interacted with me or acknowledged my existence the entire conversation. they had their backs to me when they were talking to scott, i did not introduce myself as directing the documentary since i wasn't filming and they didn't ask who i am, etc. but my brain was like "oh someone wants to learn more about scott? my time to shine, let me pull up that folder in my camera roll". even scott was like jfc here they go again.

anyway i barely had to scroll back in my doc research folder so i immediately held out my phone to the guys and showed them this

it's a photo taken days after 9/11 of scott in front of the posters for his show which was supposed to open the following week

so i hold out my phone and explain this thinking like hey i'm being so helpful these guys wanted to see this aspect of scott lore and i gave it to them!! meanwhile these two old guys are like i can't even focus on the poster anymore i am standing next to scott thompson and also WHO THE FUCK IS THIS CHILD AND WHY DID THEY JUST HAVE THIS ON THEIR PHONE?

another one of the funniest tour moments was after meeting up with some gay guys in their 70s who were friends-of-a-friend-of-scott and immediately befriending both of them we were about to leave and i asked for their phone number and scott just rolled his eyes and was like i'll give you his phone number in the car as though he was saying "jfc jessamine this is ridiculous even for you". he never ended up giving me the old guy's number

[seventh-district]

not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go

(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)

[front-facing-pokemon]

[brittlebutch]

a lot of people seem to use Entry #61 as 'proof' for the crux of the "Brian didn't care about Tim, he was Taking Advantage of Tim's conditions and Forcing him to work as part of totheark" thing, but honestly when you think about it there's no possible way Brian could have possibly orchestrated that series of events, like you almost have to interpret that as a baffling group of coincidences

[thedreadvampy]

my therapist spent today's session making Faces at me about getting an ADHD diagnosis

which

I can honestly say I have never seriously considered the possibility of seeking an ADHD diagnosis but she might not be a billion miles off

I was describing how I get "fizzy bored" where I have no energy or ability to move and nothing holds my attention but I feel like my bones are trying to vibrate out of me with the desire to be Doing Things and she was like 🤔 and I got onto the fact that I often need to be doing 3-4 things at once to ease into focusing on one and she was like 🤨 and then I mentioned how I find it really difficult to start doing things but once I'm in it I'm super focused and she was like 😌 have you considered the possibility of an ADHD diagnosis?

and so I explained that I don't really see the point because even though, unlike EDS and autism, a diagnosis could suggest an actual treatment, I don't really feel like anything I've described is disabling me cause I have the tools to manage it now most of the time and I feel Fizzy Bored WAY less often these days. and she was like 🤨

and I was like yeah to be fair actually I did use to think that about chronic pain, trauma and having shit eyesight and doing something about them did really change my experience. and she was like 😌 and I was like and actually now we mention it the fact that I sometimes for NO REASON AT ALL simply put off doing things even though they would be really easy to do and I want to do them for LITERAL YEARS is maybe. A thing that it might be nice to change if I could. And she was like 🤔 and I was like OH FUCK I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GENUINELY CONSIDER THIS POSSIBILITY AREN'T I?

anyway after talking a mile a minute and overrunning by 15 minutes I then got a quarter of a mile away on foot and realised I'd left my glasses on her table. she opened the door I went HEY SPEAKING OF ADHD

[tevatron]

i'm so glad i won't be working with my pi after this month. i think i've reached my limit. i just can't deal with her anymore

[unluckyxse7en]

Something I still haven't adjusted to is that my whole entire family just. Abruptly turned Christian on me overnight. Like it's been a couple years since it happened but it's like. My brain doesn't even know what to DO with this info. It's so surreal.