#and i'd like to think this helped
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i'm ready to try
#This drawing is kind of personal to me#I recently graduated (CUM LAUDE WOOOO!!!!) and its like. not to get depressing#but when i was younger i was never sure whether i would make it to this point#When i was going through what i consider to still be like. the worst time of my entire life#This fictional character was there for me and she was something for me to latch onto and cope with#eGem helped me a lot with being able to process my emotions at the time but also helped me to reflect on myself#which i think is a big reason as to why I'm really happy with where i am with myself right now#I'm going off to uni next school year to study astronomy!!! which!!!#Im also doing because of eGem!!! She ignited this kind of childlike wonder for space for me#I love doing math and physics and whilst Im still a bit scared because. honestly i don't know whether this is what i want to do with my lif#I think i'll be okay either way#either way i wanted to draw egem again even if i haven't done so in a while because its like#i think i wouldnt be who i am without her. i think i'd be a lot worse off#so like. thank you empires smp thank you geminitay thank you egem This drawing is me expressing my gratitude#AND THANK YOU AUTISM!#empires smp#empires smp s1#empiresblr#esmp#geminitay#art#fanart#alice.art#mcyt#mcytblr#song is andromeda by weyes blood... obv.. you guys know me by now :oP
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they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?
they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.
you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.
you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.
mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.
you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.
#writeblr#warm up#to be clear let me state again: i think you should id however you fucking want if it helps you seek peace#but there is a HUGE difference between being like '.... im undiagnosed but i think i might be X'#and a person who is like ''omg my intrusive thoughts made me buy a birkin!!!''#babe mine made me throw up bc they disgusted me so much <3#mine made me hurt myself evenly. even when i wanted to stop. i have had to put my hand on the stove MULTIPLE TIMES#and again i'd rather have 10000 people get help for something they don't need help for#than have 1 kid NOT get help#but there has GOTTTTT to be a middle ground here#bc at this point it isn't ''raising awareness''#it's . fucking misinformation. and ''what this picture says about you!!!!!''#& yes! im mostly talkin about ppl who are actually disgusted and offended by signs of mental illness#but use it to defend THEIR actions#like babe you hate when kids start yelling in the walmart? but you YOuRSELF can yell?#you are depressed so it's fine you were cruel to your spouse?#but if your spouse spends too much time in bed she's a lazy fuck?#your partner needs to do everything for you bc of your history in trauma? but when SHE has needs she's being clingy and gross?#HUGE difference here between whom i think most of my followers are btw. like#all it takes is fucking anyyyy empathy or kindness . like.#anyway it's hard to explain im hoping we all know the person im talking about lol
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Help I can't stop putting Goromi in horror game situations Inspired by this
#I'd pay good money to play a mod like this fhsdjkahfds#But coming to think of it Goromi is a yandere like Monika#Imagine if she was the antagonist#“Kiryu-chan I hacked us into this game so we could be together forever here too!” LOL#“Nishida helped me!~”#yakuza#like a dragon#ryu ga gotoku#rgg#龍が如く#真島吾朗#桐生一馬#真桐#桐真#goro majima#kazuma kiryu#kiryu kazuma#majima goro#kazumaji#fanart#my art#gazkerber#illustration#games#videogames#goromi#ゴロ美#crossover#ddlc#doki doki literature club
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In April's pokemagma event, we joked about Volo Cola being a thing, so I naturally committed to the bit and redrew a vintage cola ad
#volo#ウォロ#PLA#pokemon legends arceus#pokemon#pokemagma#shoutout to devinchee for helping me with the caption hdsgkhsdg#my only regret is that while this was fun to do in magma#it's so SMALL#I'd like to turn this into actual postcard or something#that I could give to fwends#maybe i'll figure something out#mine#fanart#I'm very happy with this regardless sdkgh I think it turned out Fun#I picked that particular ad solely because of THIRST STOPS HERE
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a what-if i've been thinking about for forever... trucy knowing the truth before anyone could tell her
#trucy wright#apollo justice#ace attorney#.png#ough ough ough how many times has she helped 'ruin' someone's life...#like what if when she was so desperate to help phoenix get acquitted she gets hit in the face with the realization that#she might just be ruining her new-found brother's life too#so yeah. how would she even bring that up#haha hey polly. remember that time i handed you fake evidence. well did you know i saw your bracelet and remembered my mom had one too. fun#by the way did you know she told me she had two and gave one to her first-born who she lost a long time ago#like do we know how much trucy remembers about their mom. no! that's why i think this could work#ough i've wanted to make this comic for so long but i never knew how to format it#well i drew the first panel as warm-up and then was like. why not go all the way....#that way i'd be forced to really think about composition
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Later...
(Shimo is a prankster)
Ghidorah every time Godzilla gets a new enemy.
True frienemies right there!
I was going to make a Godzilla animatic of this exact scene but discarded the idea later (wasn't sure whether we were allowed to use the audio without getting a copyright strike idk)
I LOVE the Mickey Mouse Shorts lol
#godzilla#godzilla x kong: the new empire#king ghidorah#mickey mouse shorts#godzilla king of the monsters#godzilla and ghidorah are the very definition of frienemies#i literally headcanon them as enemies (rivals to be exact) but also like cool friends if they aren't fighting#Ghidorah wants all that attention for himself#he's the only one who can bully Godziila and no one else!#I'd like to think Ghidorah will help Godzilla fight his other enemies cos Godzilla is not allowed to have other enemies except for him#tldr Ghidorah has a hard time admitting that Godzilla is his (friend-ish) rival#hehe ghidorah redemption arc hehe#do not repost#my art
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🤨
bonus:
#good omens spoilers#gos2spoilers#good omens#good omens season 2#goodomensedit#aziraphale#crowley#og post#gifs#the thesis of this gifset is:#“aziraphale lies BADLY to crowley's FACE repeatedly for no reason and crowley ALWAYS takes him at his word#but crowley's the demon so he's the one who lies. apparently"#i just think its hilarious#and the fact that crowley doesn't notice aziraphale lying despite the fact he knows how he lies (see: Job) because “why would he lie to ME”#i don't think crowley thinks the inverse of aziraphale (“you're an angel. its not what you do”) because he KNOWS he lied to heaven#(again see:Job)#this took so fucking long i'd open photoshop and my computer would shit itself#even worse if i dare opened a longer video to make into several gifs#sacrificed my Firefox window to my computer like a newborn lamb so that photoshop may live but it barely even helped#apparently i do NOT have the needed ram for gifmaking#i mean i did do it. i completed it. but still#though it worked a bit better after i restarted my computer. so. maybe i should do that more frequently lmao#i tried to include “i'm a demon. i lied” but it just did not. fit. quite right
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I'm really in a tight spot and in need of extra funds atm so I'm opening a couple of pokefusion adopts in my ko-fi shop!
Price list & links to each adopt can be found at the read more below. Thank you sm for your support!! 🙏🙏🙏
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Pokefusion adoptables price list:
Smeargle x Alcremie - $60
Mew x Frosmoth - $60
Lapras x Vaporeon - $45 - SOLD
Hattrem x Banette - $45
Nickit x Galarian Ponyta - $45 - SOLD
#artists on tumblr#pokemon#pokemon adopts#gotchibam arts#augh sorry guys..... I keep asking for help like this ;_;#tbh half of this year has already been so rough to me#i'll try my best to finish the comms & doodles no matter what tho!! might have to make some adopts from time to time to get some funds too#tysm for sticking w/ me even tho i've been barely updating ;_;#also been thinking of joining toyhouse.... if anyone has invite codes to spare i'd really appreciate it ;_; tysm!!
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really awesome interaction (x)
#watching Doc just come out of the ground and start accusing them of being mean to him was so fucking funny help#I'd like to think my Doc does have back problems but not because hes old but because he hunches down constantly when talking to Ren etc#rendog#docm77#rendoc#I think youre obligated to tag rendoc if it involves either side referring to the other as their husband#hermitblr#tubby art#I was gonna cut it off at 3 panels but I couldnt figure out how to make Doc look like he's accusing both of them so I had to make it 2#I know Scar was there too but I am not drawing the entire thing I have. things to do
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I just like the idea that once Missa hears Phil has another "kid" he'd try and do whatever he can to help and Phil feels emotions about it
#Qsmp#Qsmp fanart#Pissa#qsmp shipping#qsmp philza#qsmp missa#qsmp Wilbur#I'd like to think the difference in style and shading relates to the contrast of scenarios! The first one is comedic-#while the second one is more serious and genuine in mood#Definitely not because I tryharded for the second scene#I have rotated this family in my mind so much aaGH#I just think Phil would fall a little more in love hearing Missa care about the people that are close to him#Also it is late I just would love to see Missa and Wilbur interact so bad and Missa being like: Okay as your father I'm going to help you#Missa may just have as much if not a bit more than Wilbur does but I think it could be a really funny dynamic#Anyway maybe Pissa reunion today prayge
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(random s5 finale musings) tbh I don't think Marinette chose to keep The Secrets™ from Adrien because Gabriel asked her to. I feel like Marinette keeping secrets like that is so consistent with her character; she hates giving people bad news, she hates rocking the boat, she hates upsetting people, she always chooses to keep any 'controversial' information to herself for as long as she can get away with (examples: bubbler scarf, telling Queen Bee she was benched, confessing to Adrien, warning Chat Noir about Scarabella or Rena Furtive, never told Chat Noir about Chat Blanc, etc) that I just totally believe she would've done it either way. She was even already having nightmares about Adrien hating her for finding out she defeated his father, so I feel like Gabriel's request was moreso giving her a go-ahead than it was a primary deciding factor, yknow?
#ml s5 spoilers#tbh half the time when thinking about it I forget that gabriel asked her to do it at all#because it just feels like such a Marinette™ thing to do to me lol#to be fair maybe I'm downplaying it? I do think Gabriel's plea struck some emotional chord with her too and helped push her that direction#but again I. totally believe she'd do it either way#and I do strongly believe that her decision is moreso ''I don't want to hurt Adrien'' than it is ''I want to honor Gabriel's final wish''#she loves to avoid verbal/emotional problems and hoooo boy idk a worse verbal/emotion problem than#telling your boyfriend that his entire life is a lie and that he's not entirely human and that he was abused and controlled and puppeteered#all his life and also that his father was a terrorist and that she saw his mom's corpse in the basement#I mean. I don't think I'd have the emotional maturity to break that to someone either and I'm not.... FOURTEEN.... LOL
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consumed by the inevitable
#messyr#you know- I kept thinking: One day. The cage will be open but I feel like I'll stay. Because if I run- I'd wind up dead from their bullet#so I just- tend to- follow as much as I want to rebel and put sense into this fuckass household. I hate seeing the others in pain as well#and it hurts more that it feels like I can NEVER be the one to break this cycle of abuse- when I knew from the start- when I knew too much#but here I am ending up like the rest of them- helpless and unable to do jackshit about the situation. I cant say or do anything at all!#I dont want to end up like them- if anything I want to BREATHE- i want all of us to LIVE without this pain that has existed for generations#I want to help so bad no matter how much I know I am unloved.#no matter how much hate i carry- no matter how much burden- Underneath it all- I'm devoted to them- that's how fucked up I am#i know i'll never be enough. I know how often I think of death and wish it.#But I have a dream to achieve and I am not planning to die until I reach it. Not yet. If pain is where I strive best then so be it.#doodle#vent art#artists on tumblr#bpd#toxic behavior#learned helplessness
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crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.
i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.
in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.
i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.
i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.
plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.
the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.
we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.
i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.
a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.
today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.
loved beyond thinking.
#spilled ink#writeblr#personal#please don't ask me to talk on my experience on the spectrum lol. i hate how ppl talk to me about it#i really try not to write so specifically about it#bc inevitably someone talks to me like im a child#i think this is the first time i've ever openly identified with it but i've been hinting for years#i might delete this. feels big.#the thing is that being on the spectrum actually IS a spectrum#and if u say ur autistic#inevitably someone makes an assumption about ur needs/symptoms#please do not treat me differently than u usually would. like.... we can tell when you do#and like i mention. i do appreciate the effort. i do truly appreciate the effort.#but it still feels like...#when i was blind. sometimes people kind of did the same-ish thing.#they'd find out i was blind and start talking really loudly?#and while i KNOW they're just trying to help. it would be like. i'd be trying to find#the right way into a building (sometimes only 1 door is unlocked and i couldn't see the signs posted about where to go)#and ppl would be like ''OH UR BLIND? YES SO THIS IS A DOOR. IT OPENS INTO THE BUILDING. IT IS LOCKED NOW."#''A DOOR CAN BE FOUND IN MANY LOCATIONS.''#and it feels like. when i admit to being autistic#someone comes screeching into my life being like THIS IS A DOOR.
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my tablet died and i think my wips are officially lost lmao so here's part of a comic that's prob never gonna get finished. 🥲 tho tbf it's been months since i worked on it so chances were low it'd get done anyways. 😅 my current pfp is from that first montage, but coloured (third image)!
the premise was that the strawhats and the red-haired pirates finally meet. luffy and shanks joyfully reunite and all the strawhats are excited and happily bustling about, touching base with the other emperor's crew--except zoro, who is hanging back and giving shanks the stink eye (second image). eventually shanks notices him and says, very cheerfully, "zoro, hi!" which pisses zoro off further.
usopp or nami ask what's wrong with him and if he's met shanks before, and zoro has the flashback doodle montage in the first image and growls, "yeah, he's my dad's annoying boyfriend." the strawhats are like, "you have a dad???" and then shanks is like, "aw 🥹 did you just call mihawk 'dad'? cute!" and then the strawhats are gaping like, "mihawk is your dad????????" (except for luffy in the back who goes, "shanks has a boyfriend? :D") and the comic ends on zoro angrily blushing and telling everyone to shut up.
anyways, it was something like that. 😂 i hope you at least enjoyed the summary haha.
#mishanks#akataka#roronoa zoro#dracule mihawk#red haired shanks#shanks#akagami no shanks#one piece#one piece fanart#op fanart#in the top middle one shanks is being courteous and helping hide mihawk's blush#cuz he knows hawk doesnt like it when other ppl see him unbalanced (and shanks honestly enjoys keeping it to himself)#i got further along with this comic actually. i'd inked zoro's annoyed face into the bottom and darkened the text for better legibility.#the reason i stalled was cuz the first page accidentally gave ship vibes for other ships besides mishanks and i only wanted the one#so i was tryna figure out how to rejig it to make it obviously gen anywhere that wasnt mishanks.#im glad i at least screencapped this. i was thinking abt screencapping the bi shanks pride piece but the ipad was downstairs so i didnt#and then it died 😞 and now im redrawing it completely#it's coming off differently this time but still. ugh.
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I've seen some people say some character art downgraded from 1 to 2 and while i agree about some poses not being as dynamic and some of the art being unfinished (early access tho) and the colors not being as dope, and some of the gods feel different
but i wanna specifically ramble about Artemis best gurl for a bit
this is my girlie in Hades 1
I've been thinking about the differences from 1 to 2, and I think in here, she's presenting herself as the Goddess of Hunting.
she looks a bit menacing, she looks sharp, she looks like she just got here, the angle she's looking at you it's not very direct it's like she's measuring you from head-to-toe kinda way, she also has that greenish light which feels kinda like an aura. she's down to business!
and when we look at her in Hades 2
She looks confident still, and you can see her weapons just as clearly, but her pose, and her smile? she's like, laid back, she's not quite posing to create an impression, she doesn't have that greenish aura, she's there in the flesh, she's not really presenting as a goddess in particular... she looks more welcoming, a bit softer looking... she looks like she's just stopped for a chat, while in 1 it's like she's in the middle of something
and when you stop to think about it? she is. she is just chatting with her friend. Melinoe is her friend, she called her Sister.
We're much more closer to her as Melinoe than we were as Zagreus. bc while she does become friends with him in H1, she's more of a long distance friend. we were building our bond with her in H1.
But here? in H2? she's known Mel for years... she kept it a secret from other gods... she's got those accessories thingies with the 4 colors. not only are we close friends we even got a friend bracelet thing going on with her!! Melinoe is a precious friend to her from what i've seen so far.
Why would she pose and be a bit distant with her friend? we know Artemis is a bit closed off from people, she prefers being in the woods with the animals than other gods i recall her saying that to Zag, but Mel? Mel is a dear friend, she sounds much more casual from the get go with her than with Zag because we have a strong bond with her already
In Hades 1 we just got to know her, so she's more closed off, she is more business like, she is distant, she is The Goddess of Hunting
In Hades 2 she is our friend 💖
that. is the difference
#hades 2#hades 2 spoilers#hades#c rambles#i love artemis with all my heart i wanna be besties with her forever#i'd like if they maybe brought more of those funky colors back. like i think gods should have a very faint color aura around them#but her new presentation/portrait here? she looks v cute and chill. we're friends!!#artemis just stopped to chat with us after helping out. shes not sending a message down to zag yknow#she also got that mantle thing or whatever its called. is she using it to hide in the bushes? maybe its cold?#either way we're winning guys! i'll never get over her calling us sister artemis forever and ever my beloved
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#critical role#cr lb#ygifs#imogen#and now I'm like did imogen have her own reason for not even going near the raven queen did she pray to her for her mother#thinking her mother was dead was gone and the goddess of death had her and it was just a little girl praying at her bedside#take care of her mother. tell her how much she misses her. she misses her so much. and the raven queen never answered#and she could find no comfort not even in a deity who brought eternal rest there was no solace. and there was no correction#did she pick a god and pray? for her mother to come back. for her father not to hate her. for someone to look at her like shes not a monste#that all this time this certified atheist to have zero interest in the gods or helping them not because she genuinely didn't care#but because once upon a time the little girl she used to be cared so much. and prayed so hard. never seeing the red veil around her#damning her from the grace of the gods#and isn't that just what a monster deserves#not even a gracious god will find you special enough you feel like nothing to them because you are nothing to them#and it's like is that true or is such an evil force preventing their light and it's like I'm chewing but I'm choking#I had to stop looking at laura's face because it was making me too craaazzzyy she'd just be like (bafta) and I'd be like (SCREAMING)#hey matt if this is a birdcall to make imogen a paladin tweet tweet beautiful man
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