#and i would like to devote myself to something bigger than me

[girlscience]

contemplating the idea that religion and spirituality and supernatural beliefs might simply not be for me and it is a bit sad

[prongspoet]

broken hearted | luke castellan.

first time writing for luke, so hope this is okay! tell me what u think in the reblogs i would love to know and get more luke asks!

summary: the curse of cabin 10 makes aphrodite!reader pretend to date her best friend so she doesn't have to cause a heartbreak to her actual crush. even though, at the end of it, she's the only one who had her heart broken. major inspo from this concept.

"You're staring." y/n' best friend, luke castellan, head counselor of the hermes cabin, pointed the fact out, side eying the girl right at his side, after looking at the boy sword training in front of them.

"he's staring back." the aphrodite girl said with a grin. the sunlight bathing her head making it comfortingly warm. luke would know, since he was the one caressing it while she laid down next to him. both of them on the grass, enjoying the late afternoon at camp. "so..."

michael dawson, ares' kid, was, in fact, staring. luke couldn't blame him, the way his best friend looked made everyone pay attention to her. she didn't even had to try. and still, the swordfighting happening in front of them made luke even more sure that mike needed a way so she could notice him. not naturally, but somehow, it worked, since the girl payed attention to him as soon as he started.

"oh well, like mother like daughter, huh. " he continued, in a mocking tone, holding his laugh, raising himself by his elbows, before taking one of his hands to the girl's arm. "your siblings wouldn't be too happy to see the goody two shoes dating an ares' kid, would they?"

"gods, don't fucking say that." she giggled, hiding her face with both of her hands. she went quiet for a second, still staring at the boy. "ares' kid or not.." y/n sighed, pouting slightly. "mike's nicer than the others, he wouldn't deserve to be a guinea pig."

"what do you mean?"

"you know what i have to do.” the girl muttered, with a soft sigh. she couldn't blame her mother, she worshipped aphrodite; her beauty, her power, her knowledge and her actions. that didn't mean that she enjoyed the judgment. the need to make someone else feel miserable just because she could. it wasn't fair. "the first love heart break thing."

"i'm glad i'm not in his shoes, that's for sure." the boy whispered, with a chuckle, still trying to be as quiet as possible. his thumb caressing her arm incessantly. it made her skin burn. in a second, y/n abruptly raised her chin, getting supported by her elbows, getting muffled groan from luke, once it hit his ribs. "what is it?"

"you could be!"

"am i your first love, daisy?" he raised one of his eyebrows, with a mischievous grin stamped on the boys face. the scar in his eye making itself more clear. "you should have told me sooner- ouch!"

"shut up, hero. listen to me!" he knew that tone. and as anyone else who had a single bit of sense, he kept quiet, wanting nothing more to hear her insane idea. "we could pretend to be boyfriend and girlfriend." the smile on her delicate face kept getting bigger as she explained her brilliant - yet not completely effective - idea. "i could pretend to break your heart. no one gets hurt, i can stay with mike after is over, and my mom ends up being proud of me!"

the aphrodite girl stared at him expectedly, hoping he would buy her insane plan, hoping he could save her from doing something he never imagined her doing it. luke got quiet for a minute. his eyes were darker than usual. he couldn't stand that. y/n knew her best friend well enough to know that he meant to say something. he never truly did. "you shouldn't be looking for her approval."

"i'm not searching for approval i'm just trying to prove myself.."

"you don't have to prove your devotion to her by doing this." his tone stern, more quiet. colder. "you burn offerings for her every single day. you pray, you're always expressing how incredible she is."

"you don't have to do it if you don't want to."

and suddenly, the idea seemed more appealing than ever. she wasn't using her charmspeak on him. no, luke knew how sugary and sweet y/n's words could be when she wanted to. at that moment, his best friend was just being honest. and even though he could retribute that feeling, luke felt that he needed to do it. just for her.

"yeah," he nodded. defeated. "fine, i'll do it."

"really?" the girl hugged him tight. more excited than ever. "thank you boyfriend!"

"yeah, yeah." he grinned, letting her rest her head on his chest, carefully watching y/n closing her eyes, like nothing else would ever bother her. "just don't be too mean when you dump me."

pretending was easy.

they've always been stuck to each other. having dinner with each other. burning offerings with each other. planning capture the flag with each other. training, swimming, talking, sneaking out to parties. always with one right after the other.

it wasn't supposed to be different, they just had to make it more believable.

"we should be holding hands," y/n pointed out as the couple walked calmly to the main area, where dinner was starting. "silena asked me why we never hold hands if we're dating, so i thought we could make it more..."

"real, yeah." luke nodded, grabbing her hand right the next second she spoke. "c'mon, girlfriend, hurry up." he grinned, and she couldn't help but grin back. "i'm starving."

luke could do that. he could kiss her in front of people, and tell everyone the way they got together. he could hold hands with her, caress her back and almost have a heart attack when she kissed him behind his ear. he could live with that, yeah. it was normal. it was pretending.

until it started to change. suddenly. quickly.

he noticed her. the eyes, the shape of her face, the way her eyebrows moved when she laughed, and the look she gave him every single time she entered a room he was already in, and luke couldn't help but pay attention at her soft hair, how excited she became while looking at pretty flowers, and especially, how her fingers felt against his own scalp when they needed to do some pretending. she was an aphrodite kid after all. y/n was charming. y/n was lovely. y/n was his girlfriend, at least for a while.

and she couldn't help but notice him either. how his scar looked more bright when they. the subtle, yet attentive and gentle way he taught her how to hold a sword, how to train, how to fight. the infuriating way at how he held her chin up slightly, every single time, before sealing his lips against hers.

and for once, neither of them were pretending.

the bonfire started earlier that night, but the couple came to it late; y/n helped one of her sisters who was in a small crises, and her sweet caring boyfriend waited for her by the aphrodite cabin's door, holding her hand as soon as she got out, so they could sit together at one of the logs, full of campers, chartering, telling stories, and enjoying the peacefulness that the simple event emanate.

luke choose one of the back logs for a reason, it was darker, harder to anyone else to see them. even so, as soon as the boy started to leave little pecks at her jaw, he was able to hear some whistles and exclamations. teenagers were gonna be teenagers after all.

"alright," y/n sat upstraight, taking a deep breath before continuing. "you can't do that here."

"i'm just having fun!" the boy said with a mischievous grin. he knew way to well what he was doing. she hoped he would do it forever. the teasing, the almost getting caught made her heart sink every time. "you are my girlfriend after all."

"don't get ahead of yourself, hero." she muttered, grinning at him, before sealing lips with him again. "i still have to break your heart."

"are you sure about that?" he furrowed his eyebrows, pretending to be offended, but getting right back at his job pretty quickly. "i'll just enjoy it until the time comes then."

she laughed, taking her head back so he could have full access to her neck, delicately taking one of her hands to his scalp. and he noticed how much he loved that sound. so much in a way he wished he could bottle it up so he could taste it every time he felt miserable. that wasn't possible. but y/n promised that as long as they were together, he was allowed to make her laugh any time he wanted to, if if meant getting him happy.

that's why it hurt even more when he did what he did.

when he revealed himself to be the traitor.

"come with me."

"i'm sorry, what the hell are you doing?" she cried out, feeling her heart beating faster than ever. "you're not thinking straight. you're not. you're not like this, i-" the words got caught up in her throat. y/n felt like she could pass out at any minute. "i know you luke." her voice was a mere pleading by then, hoping with all her soul he would hear. "you wouldn't do this to me."

"you mean a lot to me, daisy, but this is fucking different."

he was different, and she finally noticed. his eyes darker, his tone stern, and the way he held himself up, like he was prepared for a fight.

y/n would never fight him.

and he would never fight her, right?

and when luke turned his back against her, letting the aphrodite girl caught up with a sob, furrowing her eyebrows, feeling the tears already soaking up her eyes, y/n thought she understood.

maybe aphrodite didn't buy it. and even if she did, she knew it started out with a lie. y/n was playing house. thinking she could be smarter than her mom, she could prove it to everyone else how that curse was a lie, and that nothing would happen to the one that didn't completed it.

but it did happend.

no demigod could ever stand out a god. y/n was no exception.

and she finally understood that.

by the end of the day, y/n went back to her well known cabin, shamefully, missing her radiant aura and pretty smile, hiding a shattered heart in her pocket.

[bettsfic]

The cost of dreams

I decided a while ago that I would pursue publishing. But with constant critiques of my process and myself as a writer I feel like I’ve run my well dry. I no longer feel like I have a story to tell or that when I do come across something, I no longer feel that I’m good enough to tell that story. I have come to a point where I don’t write at all now.

I naturally have high standards for myself and as I worked to improve my craft and began to follow new authors who have gotten deals or have been agented, I’ve begun to feel like I’m not good enough. Like I’ll never get my work to be as good as my faves or that I’m too slow in my writing process, that’s why I’m not querying yet. Just spirals of thoughts that shoot at one’s confidence.

I felt like I was doing everything that a person who wants to be a professional writer should do. Have a set writing routine(write every week or have set word count goals every month), outline(not that there aren’t professional writers who are amazing pantsers but this was what I felt like I needed to do), and constantly pick at your story until it’s “perfect”.

I’m constantly worrying about what is my most authentic work, if all my work needs to have a big meeting, whether I should write contemporary, because a” good writer” can write in all genres.

I should just be able to handle the pressure and keep pushing. Writing isn’t always fun and if it’s my dream maybe there just need to be some sacrifices. Idk, maybe I’m just rambling.

I really don’t know what to do.

there are only two choices: you write, or you don't. if there's something you love as much as writing (not something you might love or have to search for, but some skill or occupation you enjoy just as much and gives you as much fulfillment), then go do that thing. you'll be able to write at the same time. maybe not as much, but you'll figure it out. if there's not, then the choice is made for you. you keep going, and all you can do is try not to look too far ahead. just look at the words as they arrive on the page and try to forget the big picture.

also, i don't know very many writers who publish in multiple genres. i don't even know very many writers who create narrators who aren't just self-inserts. most writers just write the same thing over and over again and package it in different ways. and if people like it, they keep selling it. remember that when you publish, you're creating a product to be sold. publication is a small thing that seems bigger than it is; the work is always what's important. finding joy in the craft is what's important. if you've lost that, your job is only to find it again. it can be your sole occupation, what you devote every second of your life to. there are few things greater than the pursuit of self-joy.

i'm sorry you're feeling this way though. i feel the same thing about 50% of the time, sometimes for months on end and sometimes just briefly. all the writers you're seeing with all their successes feel it too. i used to think there were a lot of things i could do with my life, and that if i put my mind to it, i could do anything. but the truth is that i can be okay at a lot of things that make me feel mildly accomplished, or i can try to be exceptional at one and find meaning in it.

but if none of this tracks, go read the books you're seeing deals for. read the book you're most envious of and see how bad it is. maybe not objectively, i mean it's probably decent, but i guarantee it will be flawed. or boring. or poorly written. or it may make you go, "how did this get published?" or, "i could do this better." most of this feeling you're having is fear that you're not good enough, and the way to face that fear is to read stuff that sucks. one of two things will happen: you'll feel better about yourself, or you'll find a book good enough to teach you something new. as your writing improves, as you acquire more accolades, the former becomes far greater than the latter, until one day you're dying to read writing that kicks your ass.

[bipolarman2022]

The Spanish man, shorter and of a thin build, stands in front of the imposing figure before him, a 40-year-old Arab man whose mere bearing fills him with a mixture of reverence and submission. His gaze is timid at first, but he can't help but take in every detail of the man, as if in his presence everything else disappears. He feels small, not only in size, but in essence, as if before him were someone from a superior race, a being made to dominate, to lead, to be admired. And then he begins to speak, his voice soft, almost hesitant, but full of respect:

"Sir... I have never seen such an imposing figure, so full of strength and authority. From the first moment I lay my eyes on you, it is impossible not to feel this presence, this energy that emanates from each of your movements. Your beard, so black and rough, seems like the insignia of a warrior who has lived through a thousand battles and has emerged victorious from them all. In each of those rough hairs I see the mark of power, a sign that the man I have in front of me is not just any man, but someone destined to command.

His chest, covered with that dark, thick hair, is like a natural armor, a symbol of raw, indomitable masculinity. I feel overwhelmed by that skin, as dark and hard as the earth itself. My hands, weak compared to yours, could never match the strength that I imagine hidden under that skin tanned by the sun and the years. I can only imagine what it would be like to be under your control, to feel the The weight of your hand on me, controlling me, teaching me what it means to be truly strong.

Your eyes… those dark eyes that pierce me mercilessly. When you look at me, I feel like you see beyond my exterior. There is nothing I can hide from that intense gaze, full of wisdom and judgment. Your eyes make me feel transparent, as if I could not lie or hide who I am. And that, sir, makes me want to be more, makes me want to be at your level, even though I know that is impossible. I am aware of my inferiority, of my weakness, and that leads me to bow before you.

Your shoulders are like mountains, firm, broad, capable of supporting any weight. That strength of yours is not just physical, it is something that emanates from deep within you, an unbreakable force of will. And I, at your side, feel weak, fragile. Every step you take is a declaration of your superiority. The ground seems to give way to your power, while I remain still, trembling at the mere thought of your control. Everything about you screams dominance, an authority that doesn't need to be imposed, it just exists, and I... I can do nothing but follow it, obey it.

Your hands, large and strong, seem designed to rule. I imagine what it would be like to feel your touch, that unwavering firmness that could easily handle me, bending me with a single gesture. I know that with those hands you could make me yours, mold me to your will, and I accept it. I am nothing more than a man who recognizes the greatness in you. Your body, your presence, everything about you is a manifestation of power, a power that I not only respect, but revere.

And I, here, in front of you, realize my place. I am small next to you, inferior in every way. But there is something in that inferiority that fills me with peace, with gratitude. Because, standing before a man like you, I know that I am before something greater than myself, something that I cannot reach, but that teaches me what true strength means, true virility. You are what every man should be, and I can only admire you, from below, with the respect and devotion that you deserve."

The Spaniard finishes his words, breathing deeply, his body almost trembling at the intensity of the scene. He knows that he is in the presence of something much bigger than himself, an Arab man who, just by existing, teaches him his place in the world.

[blackpilljesus]

I dont care about the odds of womens liberation happening because I dont solely focus on "winning" per se. That's not to say I dont want or aim towards it but freedom isn't just about the end but the journey too. Cultivating a lifestyle as a single childfree woman is something bigger than me and something I hold onto to get me by.

One thing about conscious is that we all know we're going to die. This terrifies some; but in some cases it gives a purpose to existence. Death becomes a metric to measure the things that are worth it in life, things to dedicate life towards for fulfillment in existing. Whether the end goal actually comes to fruition or not is irrelevant because the hope and purpose carries you as you live.

To get by the hardships of life and inevitability of death: dedicate yourself to something bigger than you. Having a sense of purpose beyond yourself drives innovation & delivery. It's not just about how long you live but what you live (& are willing to die) for. This is how cults, religion, charity, activism, natalism etc affect people. It gives them a sense of purpose greater than themselves so they devote their lives to them even in extreme cases where it'd kill them. They suffer & work in the name of their cause.

Many women regret encountering feminism & seeing maIes for how evil they are but I dont. I see things more clearly & more importantly it's given me a purpose in life; something to orient how I carry myself as long as I live: To pour my energy into myself & other likeminded women, to live beyond serving a maIe, to trust myself & not let the claws of maIe supremacy sink into me, to be the subject of my life instead of the object, to know I'm ending the line of suffering and not giving maIes what they ultimately want - another soul in the chain to continue the suffering, etc. That's the direction I'm taking my life.

I'm saying all of this because with things like separatism, 4B etc if you're serious about it think about these things as something bigger than yourself let it be something that you devote yourself to that goes beyond you. In the end it isn't just about you, it's about the future children you're saving from experiencing the hurt & suffering of this world. For me, no matter what happens as long as I dont give birth before I die that's a W for me - when I die the suffering in my line ends with me. So that's how I see this as something bigger than myself, it's not just about me but my (potential) future offspring. And before anyone tells me about how there's good in this world; good isn't guaranteed but suffering is.

When you give yourself to something bigger than you you're able to commit to things for the greater good & not just doing things for the sake of it. I dont refuse to date, reproduce, wear makeup, etc to stick it to anybody; it's just freeing for me. I think the lack of seeing these things as something bigger than yourself is part of why many women struggle to commit to this or even think of the idea (there's obvs many reasons but I wont get into them to stay focused). I commonly to hear things "I'm not doing x for some fringe online movement" because they dont see a greater good, sense, or purpose to it so instead women will get in pro woman spaces demanding it caters to them & their existing habits rather than working within these spaces towards a goal greater than themselves compared to dating which is why they're willing to inconvenience & risk more in that regard.

This might sound extreme but many people whether they're aware of it or not have a purpose for themselves at some point & legacy they want to build to leave something behind or it fulfils them. For me the way I see all of this is that I want to succeed as a single childfree woman as my legacy. That's what I build towards. I occasionally ask myself that if I was to die now would my life & the things I did reflect what I believed in at the end of the day. Now obviously people have different motives & legacy aspirations which causes conflict (even with maIe supremacy it's about legacy which is why maIes live & die for it. It makes it easier for them to reproduce & steal labour from women to pass off as their own & that's something added to their legacy - something that lives beyond). Ofc not everyone gets remembered but in the grand scheme of things as I mentioned it's not about the end goal but the journey there.

The thing with fulfilment is that it is so strong if this thing wasn't there people likely wouldn't know what to do with themselves. Despite the criticisms of religion, part of why it's so powerful & popular is bc many people wouldn't know what to do without that framework shaping their lives. Something they can lean on in hard times, something that directs the way they go about their daily lives so people take it very seriously with its ups and downs as it gives them purpose & they'd be lost otherwise. Similar thing with patriarchy, if you remove the benefits it comes with; maIes wouldn't have a purpose to work towards & existence wouldn't be worth it for most of them. This is why many of them dont care about going on rampages even if it costs them their lives to uphold the system as they have nothing to live for out of maIe supremacy. A loss of those structures would be a net negative as they have to work harder for the same or less results.

For many women, romance is something that fulfils them & adds purpose to their lives (remember having purpose to something means you're willing to struggle for it). In my previous post I addressed the argument of how there'll be violence when women reject maIes en masse but even when women choose to date maIes the risk of violence is still there (which there's endless strategies on how to 'vet' and mitigate) but they still go for it because a having relationship is something bigger than themselves. These things fulfil them so much so that many women refuse to take maIes as they are & actively shut out news about their violence bc it'd make them hate them & they dont want to do that bc losing romance would be losing it all. It isn't just about them, they're looking for someone to explore, build, and create life with as it fulfils them so they'd be willing to take risks to find that. Hell even out of dating, many women will risk their lives & livelihood to advocate for maIes politically as they see the cause as greater than them.

I've provided examples to put this concept in context so for the more relevant part: as a single childfree woman where does this leave you? Find a sense of purpose & fulfilment to it. This is something that has to come from within for it to stick, a sentence I say isn't going to give you purpose bc you dont know me & I dont know you. To a degree, typical things that give people purpose & fulfilment are messages that have been instilled into them from childhood. As people grow & face challenges it's something they lean on and it works for them to get by life. Many religious people look to their creator when they're going through hard times in addition to everything else they do surrounding religion as they devote themselves to that. So having a purpose & sense of fulfilment is important bc when adversity inevitably comes up it will help you overcome it.

TLDR: We're always taking risks depending on what we find purpose & fulfilment in. These things tend to be bigger than ourselves. Find purpose and fulfilment to being a single childfree woman.

This is the final part of my series of posts about the popularity & rise of single childfree women:

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

[appleflavoredkitkats]

my little champion

(a semi-poetic essay about c!fundy)

“my”

is a possessive term, denoting something, particularly an item, singularly belongs to the person speaking. you use this term a lot, especially when referring to my sister.

my l'manberg, you said. my unfinished symphony, forever unfinished. the country we grew up in, the country we share with those i consider family, is solely and singularly yours. what does that bode for me? how undistinguishable am i from my sister? l'manberg was a peaceful community, but it was your peace and your community, founded on people-centric principles that you hypocritically created on your own. my, because you wanted to hold a one-party election, where your running mate threatened to exile me from my birthplace. my, because you exploded the damn place because it didn't seem to meet your ideological standards, even if you and schlatt are two sides of the same charmful coin.

my, because no matter how dead or looked down upon you are, your fingers grip around me like a ball and chain. i am eternally connected to you via being.

“little”

is an adjective, denoting how miniscule a specific object is.

i am a mere speck, no matter where you are. you have a tendency to crouch. if not, you're on a stage that's ten feet tall, being slaughtered by grandpa as you look down on me. i see your eyes everywhere. in the tall trees that vignette my tiny cabin in the woods, in the casino that looms over my half-built shack next to the las nevadan horses.

unfavorability is a gene i did not expect to possess, because that doesn't seem like a possibility in the family. grandpa is favored by the god of death. you were resurrected to fulfill some vengeful power dynamic. meanwhile, grandma has granted me the ability to take my own life— the only one in this wasteland who has done it upon themself. how meaningless, she might have thought, when she saw me throw myself into pits of broken promises.

i am absence personified. schrodinger's fox trapped in its box. i was not invited to save tommy and tubbo when they regained the discs. i was not there when quackity concluded his quest for power. i am air, i am silence. i'm smaller than a breath, than the atoms that compose our bodies.

“champion”

defines a winner. someone who has triumphed, whether because they gained something in copious amounts, or because they've overcome a persistent struggle.

this word can only exist with the other two prefixes. little champion, because i am the breathing time in between your bigger victories. my champion, because my joys in life are not mine. they must be and always are tied to you. we celebrated our nation's independence, long ago, and i anticipated to be repaid the promises you've made. in dread, i waited, i waited, and i waited.

but the truth is, you’ve given it to me on that same day. you dream of peace, of community-shared resources. of protection, of families forever devoted to each other. that is l'manberg. it is a case of your desired triumphs, of the ideal world you fought for incessantly. but at some point, something switched— perhaps, a button— and you saw it as burdensome weight. you coughed it onto me and i collected it. that baggage, that immunity to this wasteland's cyclical violence.

you have injected upon me the parts of yourself undesirable, and thus i have become undesirability itself. i have become what the server seeks but is never seen, dragged down by the prefixes that make me invisible and an irrevocable pathway to you.

when dream stops killing, when swords are sheathed and shields tucked away, when the wasteland starts growing lilies and unwithered roses again, that is me. that should be me. they will pick those flowers up, the ones that have bloomed from my previous carcasses, smell their wonderful fragrance and think, why haven't we thought of this before?

and yet, i will smile. i will sit beside them and keep them company. if i had the capacity to be selfish, i would impart my cassandrian screams. but i'm not. instead, i will smell the same flowers with them, happy that, perhaps, their wasteland would be salvageable, even if i wasn't included in the blueprints.

[betterbooktitles]

Guillermo del Toro owns a second home that only has his stuff in it. Though the 59-year-old filmmaker is married with children, he keeps an entire second house to himself and fills it with frightening sculptures, inspiring pieces of art, toys, books, and movies, all of it his own curation. There are no kid’s drawings on the fridge, no side tables picked out by his spouse. It’s his personal playroom. He does most of the upkeep himself after a housecleaner broke the finger off one of his statues. He refers to it as a “man cave” or the “Bleak House” and often spends time alone writing there. Del Toro claims his wife likes it and has always supported his childhood dream house. She also prefers that his horrifying decorations don’t impede the aesthetic taste of the home they share as a family.

Having an entire home as a creative man cave that I am entirely in charge of would sound perfect to me if it weren’t for the fact that owning one home has become a nightmare even the best horror director could not fully capture on film.

I know I am lucky. The stats on Millennials owning their own homes are (if you will) bleak. But whatever I thought was irritating me in the city wasn’t nearly as bad as the physical and mental work required to live in a house. It drains bank accounts and my will to do more than one thing per day. When I was young and lived in New York, I scheduled my days like a CEO or politician: meetings, lunches, podcasts, and stand-up shows all crammed together to the minute as if I could teleport between venues. Now, if Wednesday morning includes a Home Depot run and a painting project, realistically, I’m not doing anything after that until Saturday. The laundry list of what needs to be fixed or maintained in the house grows every day. In the winter, there are rooms I simply don’t use because of a draft I can’t fix. In the summers, the yard becomes something we have to actively fight against lest new trees and mushrooms and 6-foot tall weeds that resemble stalks of asparagus take over everything. The current issue is a dead tree blocking a path to the backyard because wisteria vines are pulling it to the ground. It’s the fastest I’ve ever seen a plant move outside of Evil Dead.

Though we struggle to keep up with our checklists, my wife and I have ambitions for the house outside of general maintenance. We’d like a bigger kitchen, a functional garden, and a fence that looks like a stiff breeze wouldn’t knock it over. The house is fine without these physical flourishes, but the fantasy is always there, nagging whispers in the brain of how nice it could be given unlimited time and resources. That nagging gets into my head about a whole house devoted to my creative dreams.

When I fantasize about what I’d like most if money and time were no object, I find myself thinking about a home theater. Unfortunately, money is an object, and the “fun budget” was consumed by the “necessities budget” a year ago. We already replaced the furnace and AC, dug up tiles in the den, painted nearly every room, replaced doors, one of which was rotting the wood at the edges because it hadn’t been replaced since 1986, the year I was born. Still, the list grows. A dedicated line to the kitchen needs to be added by an electrician so the fuse doesn’t blow whenever I use the toaster and the electric kettle at the same time. The fence and what it nominally protects behind the house needs to be reworked before bunnies consume everything that isn’t a weed. The ancient carpeting needs to be ripped up, bathrooms need to be redone by professionals so my body can actually fit comfortably inside one. Walls need to come down to make living spaces seem less like hallways, and the bay window on the second floor that appears to be melting toward the ground needs to be addressed by a professional architect before the wind rips it off the bedroom wall like a giant scab. After all of that is finished, I’d still need to move into a newer, much bigger house if I want to have a home theater. 

Where did the yearning for a private theater come from? Unlike Del Toro’s childhood fantasy of having a house all his own, my wish for this extravagance came much later. I was 30, and I remember exactly how the seed was planted: Zillow. I spent hours on the site, letting the mortgage/insurance calculator tell me what I could afford for the same amount I paid in rent in Brooklyn. On my phone’s screen, I saw a $400,000 mansion in my wife’s hometown outside of Pittsburgh that was the most beautiful house I’d ever seen. It had high wood ceilings and multiple fireplaces to make the whole giant house feel like a cabin. I had 8 bedrooms and a home theater. Imagine, I thought, how good a movie must be in a theater in your own home. Imagine the parties with friends. Imagine movie nights where you force your kids to watch Back to the Future for the first time in a close approximation to the space where you saw it. Playing an old cartoon and a few YouTube’d trailers from the 80s. A little popcorn machine in the corner. Speakers that are way too loud. The dream.

I’ve realized recently, however, how silly the longing for a home theater is for me specifically. I don’t like watching sports at home. I need the atmosphere of screaming people either in the arena itself or in a bar. I need the game to be live. I need to be out among strangers or friends. I feel the same way about movies. I need other people with me, laughing, crying, gasping, clapping. 

Read the rest here.

[boringgg-bunnyyy]

Connecting with the Gods

to start i want to say i think there is a lot of pressure from online witch/pagan circles for people to connect with the gods and i would like to say that you should absolutely not feel that pressure, do what is right for you and your practice

that said i wanted to share my experience with it to maybe help some newer folks hoping to follow that path

though i have practiced herbal witchcraft for a while my devotion to the gods is much more recent in my practice, i started out a few years ago wanting to learn more about the Slavic deities my ancestors worshipped generations ago

i read and read and read any little bits i could find and there was one lesser known goddess, Ursula, whose story really spoke to me but there was very little information about her as much of our history was wiped away with the spread of Catholicism

so i did the only thing i could think to do, create a space to honor Her and hope for the best

i was fortunate enough to have access to some amazing materials to create a beautiful outdoor space to meditate and attempt to connect with Her amidst a pine grove, and so i am out there hauling rock slabs around trying to create a section of even ground and what do i see hidden among the overturned dirt and roots, a tiny bear figurine

truly no bigger than an inch in length but there it is, a bear, one i had never seen before, right in the space i was using to create a place of worship for a Goddess whose main symbol is a bear

i mean it truly stopped me in my tracks and was the most amazing sign i had ever received and has since led me down the most amazing path to feeling loved and seen and cared for by something so much bigger than myself

so if you are on the fence about beginning your journey and taking on this new aspect of your practice i say just go for it because you never know what might be waiting for you

[gargiyadav]

The world takes intellect so seriously. 

Intelligence is considered a superpower. 

But as I sat that day with all the weight of my being, with a firm resolution that I would find an answer, I lost more than I gained. 

With nothing in sight and a restless heart, I longed for answers.

Answers that could relieve me from my misery.

But I found myself tangling further into the mess, the more I contemplated.

All the calculations and estimations, analysis and understandings, opinions, identities, narratives, and beliefs, seemed like a granule of a sand castle. 

Easily wipeable.

I fell to my feet and surrendered when I realized that I can’t solely rely on intelligence. 

The virtue I have trusted all my life seemed so unreliable in the trying times. 

The blinding faith in one’s own powers paves a perfect path for the downfall and in that moment I could see how.

Once the bubble of my ego burst, something sweet and unexpected uttered from my mouth, “Help me”. 

“Whom am I calling out to, in this far-stretched silence?” is the thought that immediately popped up in my mind.

The body that thus far lived without an ounce of faith suddenly realized something.

I realized that I was unknowingly accepting the presence of a higher entity. 

Something that’s bigger, untouched by the mess of this world. 

Something that, when called out to, will pay heed. 

As there was nothing left to be done with my intelligence and I was done toying with my abilities, I surrendered completely and simply waited.

And the act of waiting made me fall to my knees and pray. 

All the deliberate waiting and humility, the spirit of devotion, and surrender, and the conscious choice of gratitude over complaining, showed me that faith was the answer I was looking for. 

These were all the little virtues I was blessed with in return, just by looking up, and shifting my focus from the sand granules to the ocean itself. 

And soon I realized:

some things are just not possible without a prayer. 

[skaruresonic]

what were your favorite things about starline before he was ruined

Oh, God, Starline. ;A; How I miss the poor bastard.

Beyond his design, my favorite things about him included his foppishness, his showmanship, his meticulousness, his (relative) calm demeanor, his "comedic intern" angle, and his devotion to licking egg-shaped boot.

Oh, and the most prominent aspect of his character, the linchpin on which all else rests: the simpery.

I will give credit where credit is due, his simpery of Eggman coupled with his more cautious and lowkey nature (at least, compared to Eggman) offered a genuinely new and refreshing dynamic at the time. It didn't seem to come with strings attached as it usually does.

I also used to like his penchant for unintentional comedy. It seemed to be the same flavor of comedy with which they tinge some of Eggman's character.

Granted, Starline was probably always meant to be something of a buttmonkey, but later issues had him ping-pong between being Better Than Eggman(tm) and a buffoon. The constant switch made it difficult to fully invest in him in either case, because one minute we were meant to consider him a srs bsns mastermind and laugh at his failures the next. And not in the balanced way Eggman's humor generates; there were times I genuinely couldn't tell whether we were supposed to root for him or not.

And then, of course, he got crushed under rocks. Big oofed.

Starline used to be funny. Watching him rant and rave? Cry tears of joy? Make an uwu face as Rough and Tumble embarrass him in front of his idol? Funny, because it subverted his otherwise suave Bond villain image, and because you knew that eventually Eggman would crush his windpipe like a squeaky toy. Selling your soul to the devil can only end in tragedy. It filled you with a morbid sort of joy and a dark anticipation as you waited to see how bright this dumpster fire would blaze.

This was one pathetic meow-meow of a man, strange yet oddly compelling. Shame his delusions of grandeur stole away the entertaining aspects of his personality for a more boring, straight-laced character. Even bigger shame that we were supposed to pretend he never meant anything to begin with.

That's not to say Starline could never have had character development, nor that he should have remained a static character. Just as Sonic exerts a positive influence on others, show us how Eggman exerts a twisted influence. Make Starline's devotion to Eggman even unhealthier and fucked-up than it already was. Not in a "I can fix you" kind of way, but in an "I will light myself on fire to keep you warm" kind of way. To the point of self-destruction. That seemed to be the logical direction for such a character, anyway.

But nah, they had to drag us along Starline's unimpressive journey to strike out on his own. Which, like... He stole 90% of Eggman's shit anyway, so how effective was he really? And even if the whole point was that Eggman made him and he's nothing without his idol, then why did the book give him two mini-series? Has he been mentioned even once in the book since his death? Somehow, I very much doubt it.

I don't want to get into it with his creation of Surge and Kit because I'd rather pretend they don't exist, thanks. Yes, I'm aware Starline was originally conceived as their creator, but I think Flynn should have caught on that his character had changed. Realized that trying to cram him back into the original mold would only break him.

And you know what. Even after having suffered 30 issues where Starline was fucking insufferable with his whole "I'll surpass Eggman" schtick, I still felt sad for his passing.

To make matters worse, I felt foolish for my emotional investment, because dammit, I guess I was hoping his story would have culminated in something more substantial than "his favorite flowers are forget-me-nots (snicker)."

Now that I've learned that IDW can drop even their most popular characters in a heartbeat, I'm never making the mistake of even accidentally becoming invested in them again. They're not going to bother developing them or even give them a proper sendoff, so why should I continue reading?

Fs in the chat for my boy. They did him so dirty.

[asordinaryppl]

A3! Main Story: Part 4 - Act 14: DREAM CATCHER - Episode 16: "Challenges"

Tenma: “If we’re meeting a wizard, he might know something about the legendary phantom Oasis.”

Yuki: “You still haven’t given up on that? I’ve got no choice. As your wife, I’m worried about you. I guess I’ll tag along.”

Misumi: “If you’re going on a journey, I shall come with you. Rather, take me with you.”

[Misumi jumps]

Tenma: “Don’t put yourself in my bag with no notice.”

Izumi: Tenma-kun, could you put a bit more emphasis on that last part?

Tenma: …

Izumi: Tenma-kun?

Tenma: Ah, yeah, sorry.

Izumi: Okay, let’s stop here for today.

Tenma: Yeah… Good work.

Yuki: What’s with him… Is he still jet-lagged?

Muku: I haven’t seen Tenma-kun act like this in a long time.

Kumon: Did something happen?

Kazunari: He was so excited when we got the script~

Misumi: … You know, I saw Tenma talking on the phone last night, and he was acting kind of weird.

Yuki: Geez… We’ve come this far, and he still keeps things to himself.

Kazunari: Hm~ At times like this–

Kumon: What, what?

-

Kazunari: TenTen, come over here!

Tenma: It’s time for practice, isn’t it? We gotta get ready–

Muku: We have today off.

Tenma: Huh?

Yuki: Hurry up.

Kumon: The car’s already here!

Tenma: What car…?

-

Misumi: Over here~! I’ll be driving today~!

Tenma: But where are we going!?

Yuki: Just hurry and get inside!

[Yuki pulls Tenma]

Tenma: –gh

-

Tenma: The sea…?

Kazunari: Correct!

Misumi: Since we’re taking a break today, let’s play with all we’ve got~!

Tenma: … I’m not in the mood for that right now.

Yuki: *sigh*~ … Geez.

[Yuki shoves Tenma]

Tenma: Gwah!?

[Splash!]

Tenma: Bwah, don’t push me so suddenly!

Yuki: If something’s troubling you, you should just come out with it. You’re so irritating.

Yuki: We can practice all we want, we won’t produce any results with you acting like this, Tenma. You really think we can reach the New Fleur Award like this?

Tenma: — —

Kazunari: Yukki, that’s a bit much~

Kumon: Tenma-san, we’re all worried.

Misumi: Cheer up, Tenma~

Muku: It’s true that we have to do our best for the company, as the Summer Troupe…

Muku: But there’s something else bothering you, isn’t there?

Kazunari: … We’re friends before we’re the Summer Troupe, aren’t we?

Kazunari: As your friends, we’ll give you the best advice we can, so vent with no worries~!

Tenma: …

Tenma: … Truth is, I got an offer to star in a movie from the director we met in the US.

Tenma: I’ve gone overseas for filming during performances before, but I’ve got more appearances this time, and the filming period is longer than usual.

Tenma: I’ll need to devote even more time to the movie.

Tenma: But this is an important time when we all need to put the New Fleur Award first…

Tenma: I know I should refuse, but when I think about how this could bring me closer to my dream of winning the Best Actor Award, I can’t help but want to accept it.

Tenma: I’ve failed as the Summer Troupe’s leader. I’m sorry.

Yuki: Apologizing sincerely isn’t like the great Tenma at all. Well, I guess that means you’ve grown.

Misumi: Tenma, you don’t have to apologize. We’re friends, aren’t we?

Misumi: Anyone would want to support their friend’s dream, right?

Kazunari: Right. You don’t have to give up. You can simply do both.

Kazunari: Isn’t that how we do things?

Kumon: Everyone in the company will agree for sure that taking on challenges is what leads to growth!

Tenma: You guys…

Muku: If Tenma-kun does it, how about we all do it? Let’s take on a “challenge”.

Yuki: Eh?

Muku: Actually… There’s something I’ve also been thinking about.

Muku: After seeing so many different actors in the US, I started wanting to act on a bigger stage myself.

Muku: I thought that I wouldn’t be fit for such important roles, and that I’ve still got a long way to go, but…

Muku: I believe that everyone is given the chance and the freedom to take on a challenge.

Muku: I’m scared, and I don’t have much confidence, but I’ve got to start from somewhere.

Muku: Tenma-kun, I think you should also do this “now”, instead of “someday”.

Kumon: … Then, I will too!

Kumon: I was inspired by what we saw in the US, obviously…

Kumon: But after I saw Sumi-san’s performance, I wanted to also improve my skills and get to perform on various stages!

Misumi: If it’s Kumon, I’m sure he can do it!

Kumon: Hehe. Thanks! I want to “challenge” more things, so that I can grow as an actor!

Yuki: … Since the conversation took this turn, my part-time job also offered me a job opportunity.

Yuki: I’ll take on the “challenge” of working with a designer active on a world-scale.

Yuki: I think it's what's best for me right now.  I’ll also be able to put the experience I gain to use for the company, too.

Kazunari: Then, I’ll take on a “challenge” too. I’ll go to Europe, study design all over again, and get inspo’d.

Misumi: I’ll do a “challenge” too! I’ll go to Syu, who made plays together with Grandpa!

Misumi: And I’ll get better and better at acting!

Yuki: This time, we won’t simply wait for you to get back. We’ll also take on our own “challenges”.

Yuki: This way, you won’t be distracted and thinking about unrelated things.

Tenma: … H-Hmph. I guess that means you guys have grown.

Yuki: Hah?

Tenma: I’m repeating the line you said before.

Kazunari: Ibukichi said so too, but you only live once, so you shouldn’t waste a second of it!

Kumon: Yeah, yeah! Let’s do everything we wanna do!

Muku: Right. I’m sure these “challenges” will be useful for the Summer Troupe, and also our company.

Misumi: So, Tenma, let’s all chase our dreams together?

Tenma: … Thanks, guys.

Yuki: Though, we’re not doing it just for you.

Tenma: You keep saying unnecessary things!

[Splash]

Yuki: —Don’t splash me!

Muku: Ahaha!

Misumi: I’ll do it too~!

[Splash]

Kumon: Woah! Here goooes!

[Splash]

previous episode | masterpost | next episode

[corviiids]

ok. have just read it and completely agree. achilles in the embassy (book 9) is shown to be bored not fighting. he’s sitting with his boyfriend in his room playing the cithara or whatever and he’s so clearly dejected and miserable and bored but returning to the battle would be an affront to his honour so he can’t go back! the only thing that can force him back to battle is the idea of something bigger than honour. something worth dying for. and that is patroclus. light is bored out of his mind and he’s putting on a performance of normality and then he realises there is some kind of purpose. achilles finds purpose in the death of patroclus even though it makes him miserable, because dying for some higher purpose is better than living bored forever. light finds purpose in killing people even though (at least initially) he believes it’s going to kill him. he expects ryuk to come and reap his soul or something. in the (jp) musical there’s this lyric in “hurricane” / “death note” where light says “how i have longed for this / something worth devotion, worth doing with every fibre of my being”

yyyeah. insane to me.

YEAH!!! YEAH!!!!!!! oh i just rubbed my hands together like a little fly in real life. you fuckin get it bro. ok amazing that you brought up hurricane because BECAUse because i like fairly recently in a fit of insanity decided that the english version of hurricane was insufficient to me and that i liked the korean lyrics much better (using a translation i do not speak korean unfortunately) and so i did a full rewrite of the entire english song based on the narrative trajectory of the korean lyrics because i think that version is much more focused on light's manic obsession with doing something tghat matters and more importantly his insane martyr complex. points at that. points at this obsession with legacy to the point of sacrificing your life / your soul / your conscience / your friends / everything. points harder. points at you. points at myself

(i havent shared that rewrite anywhere yet because im scared but i will eventually. heres a sneak peak)

[lookingfts]

Hi

Would you ever consider adding to one of your older AU’s?

First of all. Just found you. Welcome to tumblr. I’m so happy that you allow fans to bounce ideas off you and praise your work. I really love your fics. But I thought that when I read the ‘say my name’ AU that I had found a new favourite AO3 writer. But it wasn’t. I had read you before but wasn’t really paying attention other than loving your story.

That story was the 2 parter with the one night stand gone wrong because Kate was convinced that Anthony was a serial killer. 😄 but it was the follow up that I really loved. Where they role played what that might look like. I loved you exploring ‘role play’ in that sorta dark way. Borderline unhinged with enabler Kate. 🤗 And canon Anthony kinda gives those sort of ‘obsessive’ vibes off anyway. Would you ever continue in that vein with more of that true crime role play. Or something a little darker? I think you’d be killer at it. Pun intended. 🥰

Thank you so much! So I've been thinking about the idea of a Dark!Anthony story (there are several great ones, but it's not something I've dipped my toe into much). That led me to workshopping a dark fairytale fic with the incredibly imaginative @ladykettlechips. Sort of a loose Beauty and the Beast AU except they're both crazy and both have powers. Here's a little snippet! There's a lot of backstory hinted here that would be more in the full thing, of course, but it's Dark Anthony, Dark Kate, murder, lust, magic, obsession. All the good stuff.

--

He was so beautiful.

It was endlessly strange, to hear Anthony speak of the way others saw him. Scarred. Deformed. Grotesque. Kate had tried hard to envision it, to view him as the monster he claimed to be. But he only became increasingly handsome to her as the days wore on.

Especially in the golden light of the flickering fire. Especially when he was looking at her that way, soft devotion in his fathomlessly deep eyes. Disbelief, almost, that Kate was still there, by her own will and not his. In his arms, nothing but the thin fabric of their nightclothes separating them.

“My father wanted a bigger garden for my mother,” he said softly, stroking his hand over her side. “She liked hyacinths. So I created them for her. My father was surprised by how suddenly they had grown, as if overnight. I think perhaps he suspected. He did not have magic, but his mother did.”

Kate waited silently. She was not a patient woman by nature, but she had a lifetime’s worth of patience for the slow unveiling of Anthony’s soul. 

“I did not know.” His voice caught, and he swallowed. “I did not know he was allergic to bee stings. I did not even know the flowers would attract them. I was young and naive and I only…”

Reaching out, Kate brushed her fingers through his hair, watching the lines smooth slightly on his face as he leaned into her touch.

“I only wanted to help. I only wanted them to be happy.” Anthony seemed to struggle with the words, as though his throat was closing. “I promised myself, Kathani. I made a solemn vow that I would never use my magic to please others because all I ever did was fail them. And I have stayed true to that promise for ten years. But now I find myself failing again. Because all I want is to please you. To give you everything you desire.”

He looked up at her, broken and desperate, searching for - she did not know what. Her approval? Her absolution?

Kate had nothing left to give him but herself. Her body, her mind, her heart. “You are everything that pleases me,” she whispered, pressing her forehead to his as she cupped his jaw tenderly. “I desire nothing else.”

Anthony captured her lips, tipping her head back as he pressed her against the pillows, the warmth of his hands searing through her gown. He brushed his nose against her neck, his eyes shut tightly as he inhaled her scent. “I could never create anything so perfect as you, Kathani Sharma.”

[asher-agere]

I do not have anything extra to add to this request since nothing has really happened today for me (other than finally getting a wig for my Halloween costume. Pink wigs are apparently very uncommon so I had to get a white one and pink hair spray to just make it pink myself) so I’ll get straight to the point! Can you share your thoughts on caregiver Kōyō with a very very shy little. Like, refuses to talk to anyone except her and even then at most only says a few words to her and refuses to even be around other people… like the little is already shy when not regressed but it just gets ten times worse when they’re little. Once again, no specific character in mind :3

- Fyodor enjoyer

Getting a wig is so exciting! (๑ > ᴗ < ๑) I actually style wigs for cosplay so I know it can be a nightmare… I wish you luck! So much luck! And I can absolutely do that! That level of shy reminds me of Kyouka actually so this might be kinda based on their dynamic! (Wan Kyouka and Kōyō in the preschool episode… My babies…)

Caregiver Kōyō + Shy Little

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

⛥ Kōyō would find a shy little absolutely adorable! She would grow so absolutely protective over them, never wanting them out of her sights even! She’d be very careful to them comfortable at all times! Always safe from as many stress factors as possible!

⛥ If her little one is already shy when they’re in a bigger headspace then I think she’d be pretty used to handling them! She’d have enough experience to know what kind of things might stress them out, likes and dislikes, which is perfect! That way she doesn’t need to make the baby talk if they don’t want to!

⛥ She definitely lets them hide in her Kimono! She’ll wear shoes that specifically make her taller and therefore easier to hide behind. She’ll let her little one grab her sleeves to hide behind, make use of the long flowy fabric to seemingly disappear. She’ll reach out and gently pat them on the head, but otherwise pay them no mind. If they disappeared she can’t see them right? She doesn’t want to stress them out

⛥ She’ll always make sure there’s a blanket or a stuffed animal around! More ways to hide their face hehe. For a stuffed animal she’d pick something easy to hide behind! For example the ears on a bunny plushy! She’ll always have something to give them, not wanting to force them to interact any more than they need to

⛥ Kōyō can be a very clingy caregiver. But if her little one is too shy for overwhelming contact that’s perfectly ok! She’ll sit them on the couch, put on a cartoon, maybe get a small snack ready, then she’ll sit on the opposite end of the couch. She doesn’t want to be overbearing. If as they watch her baby crawls over into her arms she won’t mention it, she’ll just gently run her fingers through their hair and hum

⛥ She’d never force her baby to talk! If they’re too shy to that’s perfectly ok! The only time she might try to is if something is seriously wrong, even then she’d try making it as simple as possible. But mostly she likes giving them options! Drawing pictures is an amazing way to communicate! Bonus points if the baby hides their cute face behind the paper hehe

⛥ I’ve mentioned before that I think Kōyō would use Golden Demon to help her take care of a little, but if they’re super shy I don’t think she would! Sure they’re both aware Golden Demon isn’t an independent person, but it still seems like one at times and that can be stressful. She’d rather it’s just her and the baby

⛥ While Kōyō wouldn’t pressure her little one into contact, she would want to be in the same room as them! Especially if they’re non-verbal therefore less likely to ask for help. For example if her baby needs a bottle of milk she wants them to come with her into the kitchen. Yes even if they’re comfy on the couch watching a show, she just needs to make sure they’re safe!

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

Yay requests! Probably the last thing I’m posting tonight, time to go devote my night to my caregiver >:3 I feel oh so very productive! Seven posts in one day? That’s genuinely like insane- But so much fun! I could do this daily hehe. It’s a really nice escape from stressful things. Have a wonderful night to anyone reading this!

[justanotherprettyapollodevotee]

Polytheist & Pagan Asks - @khaire-traveler 🫶

🙏 - Which pantheon(s) do you actively worship?

i worship the Greek pantheon!

🌞 - Which deity(s) are you closest to/do you worship the most often?

as you can probably tell from my url, i’m an Apollo devotee :) i’m closer to him than i have been with any other deity, and i worship him every day.

✨ - Do you believe in patron deities? If so, do you have any that you know of?

i do, and Apollo is my patron! i found this out a year or so into worshipping him, and it brought me so much joy honestly 😭

🌍 - Which pantheons do you believe exist?

this is a tricky one! in my practice i exclusively worship the Theoi, however i’m not sure on the existence of other pantheons as i can’t speak for them. however, i firmly believe that people’s personal experiences have to be considered, so i’d probably say that i believe there’s truth in every religion. my main focus will always be the Theoi though, so i don’t really dabble or look into much else beyond interest.

📜 - Have you ever made an oath, vow, or contract with a deity? If yes, how did it go (you don’t have to share)?

i have not! my relationship with Apollo is very personal between him and i, and i’ve never felt as though i needed to make a “contractual agreement” in order to feel his love or demonstrate my devotion. lots of respect for those who have though!

📿 - What are three things you’re grateful to your deity(s) for?

1) his understanding and care when i don’t want to be understanding or caring towards myself. 2) his support on my journey, no matter the path i take. 3) his presence, and the signs he sends me exactly when and where i need them

🖋️ - If you could say anything to your deity(s) right now, what would you most want to say?

just a very simple, always appreciated “i love you”. because i truly do, with my whole heart.

💌 - What is your favourite form of deity communication?

my favourite (and go-to when i really need to talk with Apollo or get advice) is oracle cards, but i also appreciate dream messages!

🎭 - What is an emotionally impactful or a silly worship-related experience you’ve had?

a silly little one: i went shopping with my parents a few years back, and just before i left i was praying to Apollo about wanting to find something to honour him but not being able to afford a statue. i was in the kids section, looking for a little something for my little sister, and then i saw a mini figure and practically felt Apollo tell with excitement. it was a yellow care bear with a sun on its belly, no bigger than my hand, and now instead of speaking to a statue of Apollo when i’m at his altar i talk to a little yellow care bear that he wanted me to get for him 😅

❤️ - What’s one memory of your practice that you reflect the most fondly on?

there are so many memories, but one of my favourites is when i was really struggling mentally after being rejected from my dream drama school. i prayed and sent thanks for the opportunity to audition, but i was absolutely devastated especially because i’d worked so hard. i’d finished crying and was about to settle to sleep when i felt almost like blanket of warmth wash over me, and i swear to this day i “felt” a hand against my back. i really needed that, and i’m forever grateful to Apollo for loving me and knowing exactly how to look after me.

🥂 - What is your favourite devotional act or offering to give?

being a musical theatre student/actress, i devote every show i perform in to Apollo, which is one of my favourite ways to worship him. i also sing a LOT whilst divining/using oracle cards, so that would be a close second. in terms of physical offerings, i’ve always adored the “i’d give you my last ____” sentiment, so often if i’m having a snack like an orange, or a pack of sweets, i’ll give him the last bit of it as a reminder of my devotion.

🎉 - Do you celebrate any festivals? If so, which ones?

i don’t really! i celebrate the traditional pagan holidays (lammas, imbolc, samhain, yule, etc) but none really in regards to my deity worship.

🫂 - Do you syncretize any pantheons with one another? If so, which ones?

i don’t 😅

🔮 - Do you delve into topics like the occult or the mysteries? Do you do anything esoteric?

i am hugely into the occult, especially the paranormal and things like that. before i discovered spirituality i was a ghost hunting girl through and through, and i’ve never lost that fascination with the occult!

⭐️ - What is something you wish people outside your practice knew more about?

the fact that our mythologies aren’t meant to be read like the Bible and taken completely literally! a lot of them are products of their time, as well as teaching lessons and humans reflecting their own flaws and features onto divine beings.

📖 - Do you like the way your pantheon is most often portrayed in media? Why or why not?

not at all :( between lore olympus, percy jackson (which i love, don’t get me wrong), and portrayals of Greek mythology throughout the years, it can be so difficult to worship online or in public when people have extremely stereotypical views on the Gods. i understand consuming that content - you do you - but i wish people would seperate the real Gods from what they see on TV.

🏛️ - Do you have a favourite statue or temple to your deity(s)? If so, which ones?

i’m wracking my brain but i genuinely can’t think of a favourite, i adore them all 😅

🔥 - Do you have a favourite myth or tale from your pantheon or others?

the tale of Apollo and Hyacithus always makes me bawl, but i love it - it’s a tale of true devotion and love.

🧭 - What led you to your practice?

i was very into Greek mythology as a child, and my parents said when i was little i used to leave little gifts and have conversations with the Gods. i started worshipping the Theoi around halfway through high school when i researched into witchcraft after going to a fair near my house, but i like to think they’ve always been with me :)

🧿 - Did you have any spiritual beliefs before discovering your current practice?

i did! i’ve always been a believer in energy/divination/witchcraft/paranormal etc, and i was a practicing witch for a few months before i stumbled across hellenic paganism.

🪽 - Do you believe in angels and/or demons? If yes, do you worship/work with any?

this is a bit of a weird explanation but bear with me. i don’t believe in angels and demons in the biblical sense, but i do believe in non-human spirits that either have so much positive or negative energy attached to them that they achieve a demon or angel like status. so like a haunted house may not have a demon in it, but it may have a spirit that is so dark and powerful that it appears like a biblical demon.

🪄 - Do you practice witchcraft? If yes, do you keep it seperate from your deity worship?

i do, however i practice much less than i used to because my main focus is paganism. but sometimes i will invoke Apollo or other deities for spells (with their permission and after giving them offerings ofc).

🪦 - Do ancestors or human spirits play a big role in your practice?

not really - i’ve never felt much of an ancestral pull spiritually and i have a lot of respect for spirits so i prefer to let them be rather than actively involve them in my life.

🐾 - Do animal spirits play a big role in your practice?

nope!

🌱 - Does nature - plants, nature spirits, etc - play a big role in your practice?

i don’t particularly invoke nature spirits, however when worshipping Apollo sometimes i’ll devote time spent in nature or connecting with the sun and the elements to him.

💀 - Do you believe in ghosts? If yes, have you ever had an experience with one?

absolutely i do! i’ve had many many many experiences, but one of the most notable was in my house. i was watching a horror film (i’m a massive horror film fan) and the TV remote was on the arm of the chair i was sitting in. out of nowhere, the volume started going up - i had it on 23, and it turned all the way up to 100. the remote was completely still next to me, and when i picked it up to turn it back down NONE of the buttons were working. after about a minute, i managed to turn it off and my dog started barking. i called him and he started coming down the stairs, but stopped halfway and yelped - his body moved back up a step like he’d been kicked. he then sat on the top step and refused to come down, even when i held his favourite treats out in front of him. terrifying 😅

☄️ - Do you believe in astral travel/the astral realm? If so, have you been there before?

i believe in the steal realm, but i don’t think i’ve ever been there; it’s not particularly of interest to me to visit it, so i’d much rather hear other’s experiences and research rather than attempting to get to it.

(disclaimer: these beliefs are completely personal to me. if you disagree, that is perfectly okay and i’m glad that we all have the freedom to explore and worship in our own way <3)

[wxlfbites]

January 25th, 2020

Religious Journey...

I do genuinely believe that people can be good and live fulfilling lives without religion, but I also know that for me, it was my saving grace. Even when I first started dipping my toes in and following satanism, I no longer felt without purpose. I felt like I was connected to something bigger than me, and what I was learning - and in turn teaching - from religious was so much more beneficial to me than the misanthropic, pessimistic attitude I had held for so long.

When I found paganism, those feelings only grew and I now feel a much deeper appreciation for myself and everything around me. I'm currently searching for the best way to describe my religion. I say it's eclectic paganism for now because it's easier than to say I'm religious without a specific religion. I believe that all religions hold truths, but that none are the ultimate truth, so studying different world religions and reading their scriptures if they have them is important for me to do in order to know which ones hold my truths.

One thing I have been conflicted on is whether or not to share my religious and spiritual experiences with others. On one hand, I feel that every living and non living thing is connected through the divine so we all share relationships with each other and the divine. We're meant to nurture those relationships and invest our love, time and effort into one another as the divine does. On the other, I believe in the personal relationships we have with ourselves and the divine and that to share those would be a betrayal. But after debating it back and forth to myself, I think the balance between the personal and communal isn't as clear of a line as to be "betrayal or devoted". It is something we have to figure out along the way.

That said, I would like to bring more of my religious and spiritual journey here, because I feel that maybe some people could benefit from hearing different outlooks and teachings. A prophet was never a prophet without the sharing of his knowledge of the divine, right?