#and i will absolutely contribute when given the chance

[secrettastemakerland]

Whenever u come online I start rubbing my hands together like an evil villain abt to see his plans come to fruition bc I know I’m about to see the best tags of all time

AWE CLEV WTF??????

pookie it's only bc you bring it out of me obviously 🙄💗

when you compliment me this is who you're talking to btw

[blurredblu]

Announcing Sonic Supernova 2025!

Hello all!

I'd like to announce that planning for the fandom event Sonic Supernova 2025 is officially underway!

What is Sonic Supernova?

Sonic Supernova (Supernova for short) is an unofficial community event made by Sonic fans for Sonic fans, where artists and writers collaborate in teams to create unique fanworks for the Sonic the Hedgehog fandom over a creation period. During this time period, participants can also get to know one another in the social space created for the event, i.e. a Discord server. The end result is a fandom-wide, celebratory event aimed to contribute an explosion of fan content to the Sonic the Hedgehog community over a publishing period during which each team's creations are released.

What's special about Sonic Supernova?

Supernova takes inspiration from Big Bang events! Big Bangs are a popular and well-known format of fan-organised experiences. We wanted to make an event inspired by the Big Bang format but with aspects of it adjusted based on what fans like you and me would like to see in a collective fandom activity. Hence, instead of an explosion kick-starting the universe (Big Bang) we're naming our event after the explosion of a star that gives off light to a degree of a billion times more than our own sun (Supernova!).

For starters, we want Supernova to prize creators first in their humanity and their autonomy. Art is powerful. Stories are powerful. It can be as liberating, cathartic, relieving, and thought-provoking to read them as it is to create them, giving us the space to explore concepts and situations safely and at our own pace. So, to support a wider range of creative possibilities for our participants, Supernova will allow creators to make mature-rated content as an option for the event. Proper tools and moderation will ensure only adults who opted in will be able to submit and see mature works.

We also want to do team-ups differently for Supernova. In Big Bang events, artists and writers are typically teamed up via a blind match-up where artists select from a list of anonymised summaries of each writer's story. While this has its draws, our team is looking to implement different team-up methods where artists and writers get to be more aware of what project they're signing up for and who they're working with. The end goal is that participants are given the absolute best chance to be fully satisfied with the project and people they end up with for a creation period that will last a few months.

While it's still in its early days, we're also discussing features to make Supernova a memorable time for our participants, including making our own website for the event and offering exclusive digital art goodies for everyone who participates in it.

Above all, we at Supernova aim to put creators first. What we can say about the goals of Supernova—what we as organisers aim to accomplish—are the following commitments:

Bridging together creators in the Sonic fan community

Respecting the depth, diversity, and humanity of our creators

Upholding fans' autonomy to choose what content they wish to make and/or see

Organising the event in a transparent and considerate way

Ensuring creators' safety and no tolerance for harassment

Can I participate in Sonic Supernova?

Yes! Everyone will be able to participate in Supernova. All you need is a Discord account, an AO3 account if you're a writer, and a love for Sonic the Hedgehog!

As we're allowing fanworks with ratings ranging from general audiences to mature ones, we're working on a robust, thought-out system that supports creators' autonomy by ensuring people will only be able to see what they opted for. This will apply both for the Discord server hosting the event and the final, published works.

The event isn't restricted to visual artists and writers only. If you're passionate about making GIFs, graphics, music, animations, knitting, sculpting, or anything else, Supernova is more than open to you, too!

When will sign-ups open?

Unfortunately, we don't know just yet. We're still in the planning stages and we want to take the time to make sure we get things right, including getting community feedback on an interest check form so us organisers can make decisions with your wishes at heart. 

We'll provide more information as we get closer to milestones in our development stages (like when we open sign-ups for the event!) and fully welcome questions, comments, and feedback from other Sonic fans! Feel free to contact us at the following accounts:

@blurredblu

@franticmelody

@soft-anomaly

We hope to hear from you either in our inboxes, or through our sign-up form once it comes out!

On behalf of the Sonic Supernova organising team,

umi  

(a.k.a. blurredblu/shizuumi151)

[arthenaa]

My pookie wookie bear please make the modern! Mizu x reader a series I beg 🙏just the thought of all the possibilities and domestic fluff has me foaming at the mouth. Your writing is literally Shakespeare to me😭

mizu as your roommate — mizu x f! reader

synopsis: you're not sure why and how people got the idea that you and mizu are dating but you're not. she's just your roommate.

context: prequel to blurred lines. pre-relationship. fluff. absolute fluff.

a/n: heyaaa guysss tysm for enjoying blurred lines and nocturne! ive already got an outline on how to continue the series. here's a little contribution to roommate!mizu hehe. prompt is highkey inspired by true events.

pre-roommate!mizu:

being roommates wasn't a decision that the two of you came to right away

it took quite a while and your relationship wasn't something that instantly clicked on the first try

to give you context, you and Mizu met at your freshman orientation afterparty

Mizu majored in industrial design while you studied (course) and was fortunate enough to be placed in the same sector as her

you knew no one and people closest to you were her and Ringo who majored in culinary.

you could tell that Mizu wasn't really into social interaction as much as you and Ringo did (at least on the same level).

although, she did reciprocate some type of conversing, some of it ultimately ended with her drifting away or tucked away into some corner.

you never really bonded with Mizu at first, finding her offhanded nature and cold reciprocation of your tries in interaction a bit too rude for your taste

and it wasn't like you saw her often around campus, your chances of interaction only relied on the fact that she lived in the same dormitory as you

it was around 2nd year, mid 1st semester that you overheard Mizu's problem with her roommate. She had personally reported it to your landlord when you had just returned from a walk break from reviewing for your midterms

apparently Mizu's roommate had been abusing the visitors rule in your dormitory and constantly brought their one night stands in their shared space which infuriated the blue eyed girl.

the landlord was tight on accomodations and so you had stepped in and brought up the opportunity to be roommates

it took some coercing and persuasion on your end as you wished to be on better terms with Mizu and also because well, she really had no other option

and so, on the second half and the rest of your stay (life maybe) in college, you became roommates with Mizu from ID122.

roommate!mizu

living with mizu was something you didn't expect to work so well

you were quite surprised by your shared dynamic, not ever having to deal with the fact that you had to adapt a huge gap between you and your roommate just to be able to coexist in one space

it surprisingly didn't take long for mizu to warm up to you

she was the epitome of a black cat—there are days she prefers silence and days she'd warm up to you with her gentle smiles

she's also pretty accommodating to you as her roommate

opting to go by where you're most comfortable with

she says that its because you've given her so much but she gives you too much credit

not with the way she acts around you

the domesticity that came along with you and mizu's natural chemistry in living together was something that just came

you suppose that mizu's constant gratefulness towards your accepting demeanor in providing her a home eventually led to this dynamic

the gal does housework with ease, has become a close confidant in just a matter of weeks, walks you to your classes when your schedules are aligned, and buys you food whenever you're feeling down

it isn't too long before the distance between the two of you gradually became closer

skinship became a common affair and while mizu's touches evoked a change of cogs in your relationship, the type of skinship that she shares with you is more of genuine appreciation or concern over your well-being

extending her hand as she assist you on going down the stairs, a hand on the small of your back when you're in a crowded place, running her hands mindlessly through your hair when you're having one of those movie nights, gently leaning your head to her shoulder when you're feeling quite sleepy during the commute to school

she also does the most simplest acts of service that often leaves you melting and warming at the thought

placing your favorite food on your plate when you're eating out, having late night drive outs just to clear your mind or hang out, getting you the most random trinkets and claim that she saw it on her way home from work or class and bought it out of impulse bc it reminded her of you

she always either has to be within a meter of your presence or a part of her skin touching against hers

and she isn't the type to be clingy, it just brings her some sort of comfort that you're within her line of vision

it was pretty much safe to say that mizu was your best friend and someone you held pretty close to your heart

your friend group with akemi and taigen came about during the 3rd semester of your 2nd year.

The three of you were placed in one group during a gen-ed class that all students of your college had to take

You were quite surprised to see mizu's hostility towards taigen after he had tried jokingly flirt with you

akemi was the one who apprehended him though

with mizu and taigen's weird rivalry and akemi's naturally captivating personality, soon enough the five of you became close friends

mizu often tells you her regret of letting taigen stick around and that it's causing her headaches from all the pain of having to see his face

most of their fights as well rooted from the fact taigen finds you cute and mizu does not like that

not when there's a weird relationship between him and akemi

you asked akemi once about it and how it doesn't bother her the slightest

she just gave you a smirk and rolled her eyes, "Taigen's a boy, Y/N. I'll never settle for that."

you think she's kinda cool

anyways, the suspicions started during one of the school events that your college was hosting

it was a battle of the bands event and really was a chill night for students to hang out and vibe to music

your previous roommate was performing and so you wanted to show your respect

taigen is a party person, ringo's good for anything, and akemi's part of the event core that's handling the flow of the event

mizu tags along bc she has nothing better to do but we all know she goes anyway bc you're going

anyways, you guys are seated at the front vibing and what not

due to the naturally loud acoustics of the place, mizu has to be leaning close to you to hear you while you're gushing about the performance of the bands

she sits close to you, chair and body angled to your direction while her head is leaned close to you. She smiles softly and replies with a gentle tone of her voice to your musings and taigen can't help but notice your dynamic

He sees you clinging to her arm, hand gently patting the top part of mizu's hand to the beat of the song that rests peacefully on your knee. if anyone saw the two of you right now, people would immediately assume that the two of you were dating and well, while the you were all in a friend group, taigen really hasn't gotten to know the two of you beyond your present selves and so he asks the closest person that got to know them before him and akemi did

"Hey Ringo," Taigen asks as he leans towards the tall man seated on his right—his eyes still trained on the duo absorbed in their own world. "Are they—?"

Ringo glances at the two of you before looking back at Taigen then shrugging with a smile.

Somehow that was the precedent to the on going inside joke within your group

After that night, you often find yourselves in random situations wherein people would be curious what the relationship between the of you is

it was a shock at first and you felt like all these questions were definitely something that these people considered but eventually arose due to Taigen's very loud mouth

the guy had tons of friend groups, blame him.

(Mizu almost decked him if you and Ringo weren't there to stop him)

while the predicament was certainly awkward, your relationship with mizu didn't really falter bc of it

it kind of grew stronger??? for some reason

you think its because you find it amusing when ppl are kind of 'oh wow now I get it' and mizu's nonchalant reaction to it unless they were really being very adamant in getting to know the details

you've since grown to get used to the comments and didn't really bother the jokes casted by akemi and taigen towards the two of you

akemi once joked to mizu if it was okay that she'd steal you from her and mizu just gives her a once over before chuckling at her joke.

you're not sure why her response was like that and eventually curiosity got ahead of you

you asked her about it after akemi had gone to order a set of macarons for her roommate, leaving the two of you alone at your booth

mizu only leans forward across the table and pinches your noise. you let a noise of annoyance before the raven-haired girl chuckles at your reaction.

"She can't." Mizu peers at you from under her lashes. She crosses her arms over her chest, eyes trained on you with an unreadable look in her eyes. There's some sort of confidence with the way that she carries herself. "I would know."

the jokes ranged from ringo calling you mom and dad, taigen cringing at your natural domesticity when they all came over at your dorm, akemi trying to get a rise out of mizu by coddling you

the jokes also came from the two of you

it was just fun getting a rise out of the people around you who were constantly rooting for the two of you to get together

you always joked that the moment you and mizu would be together would be a monumental achievement not to the two of you but to taigen and akemi's constant meddling

you teased mizu with endearments and the gal would only roll her eyes

eventually, that prompted the two of you to call each other bon or bonnie as an endearment. you claim its only for fun but akemi's giving you that side eye that tells a lot of things.

overall, mizu's just a wonderful roommate and someone that you could find a safe space in and be able to fully trust in. her character and personality speaks of direct truth and genuineness that allows you to fully warm and soften around her

so it really wasn't a surprise to you when you've realized that you've fallen in love with her

her existence, the way she talks, listens to you with her undivided attention, her accommodating nature, love for silence, and those eyes that always seem to find its way back to yours

even though your relationship wasn't something that was established until recently

you knew that she was yours as much as you were hers.

a/n: wahhh setting series off mwehehehe, feeling a bit productive tonight after finals so im multitasking comms and mizu requests! expect another one shortly maybe if im feeling it hehe

[erinaeris]

I think what people miss about Laios/Izutsumi interactions and why she doesn't like him at first and thinks he's creepy, isn't because he's a grown man petting a teenage girl, but because he's so fascinated with the Wrong Parts of her.

Izutsumi hates her cat half. It was what made her a circus freak, what made her mother abandon her, what made Maizuru put a literal leash on her (from her perspective). She said it outright in the sauna scene: nobody would want to look at a beast. Her feline parts are freaky, gross and she wants them cut off because nobody wants to look at her the way she is. It's teenage body disatisfaction turned up to 11 + actual CPTSD.

But Laios does! Everybody knows that Laios would, given half a chance, absolutely love to look Izutsumi all over! The party knows it's not in the way a normal man would look at a pretty girl, though they still don't like the optics, but Izutsumi would probably be miles more okay with that. Because then Laios would like the half of her she thinks has actual value, and she's a teenage girl coming from a Certain Kind Of Society and that would be affirming to her more positive self-image, whether or not she felt any interest in him.

But Laios doesn't even register her as An Adult Member Of The Opppsite Sex, partly because he's autistic, partly because she's young enough that he sees her as a kid and partly because she really does act more like a cat than a human and THAT is the real stinger. Because here's a healthy young man who actually wants to look at her strutting around in armor bikini and he's interested in the wrong part of her. He's not interested in what makes her a girl, he's interested in what makes her a cat, and THAT'S what rubs Izutsumi the wrong way. At least the other party members look at her like a girl with some extra appendages, but Laios sees her as a cat with some human appendages (which we learn she actually is, thanks to Lycion) and that just feeds her self-hate.

Like, eventually she learns that Laios is just a freak, and when he's in Team Leader mode he treats her like a proper party member and she warms up to him. But the damage he accidentally did, confirming that only the parts of her she considers undesireable are what makes him want to look, are definitely contributing to her teenage angst.

[tubbytarchia]

pause. zoom. enhance. good universe smallidarity being the one where joel isnt homophobic. i need to know more about your bad universe smallidarity joel <3

LMAO well "bad universe smallidarity" is how I interpret smallidarity personally. I know my following has been curated a lot by this point but I still get anxious to comment on it out in the open, so I'm just gonna: This is about characters. It's about characters. Hello I'm talking about characters and this says absolutely nothing about any relationships present in the real world and I wouldn't have it any other way than it is now. This is about characters and I am a big fucking fan of Jizzie, don't even doubt me (said in general, not to you lol)

Anyway. I made a long post about this before but it's a little bit cringe so I'm gonna try to sum my thoughts up again: I love analysing Joel's freak behavior and to me his character reads as homophobic but in a deeply closeted way. His relationship with Lizzie is extremely cute but I get more aroace vibes from it than anything honestly. Their characters would have gotten together because, it made sense to. "Hey we like each other, might as well get married" and good for them, but although they are cute and every now and then proclaim their love, it feels more like an obligatory sentiment to make to me, their characters within the Life series and other SMPs I've watched with them just don't strike me as a couple if you take away the specific terms they use that confirm it. Like honest to god someone can try and make a compilation of that and I'm willing to bet that the compilation of him and Jimmy being weird would be at least comparable in length. And frankly I don't think Lizzie gives much of a fuck anyway

Joel's treated Jimmy very undesirably in the past, main culprit being ESMP2, until out of nowhere he chooses to end their rivalry and proclaim them two best friends instead, which Jimmy very easily goes along with. This very sudden change in their relationship being enforced by Joel makes me think he came to some revelation and had a good think about it. That's a lie, he's bad at that, he probably had a meltdown instead and didn't know how to fix things other than to go tell Jimmy "hey lets be friends now and um impose new law". This is where he contributed to the Jimmy ecosystem (AKA the harmful environment and people that enforce the idea that Jimmy is inherently lesser than them) the most and then abruptly stopped. Instances of him belittling Jimmy one way or another still happen afterward but it really has changed and become both more lenient and less frequent. What has been a constant however is the weirdass homoerotic behavior

This since and before ESMP2, but it really gives vibes of someone in love but neglecting to acknowledge it and/or combating those feelings with vocal disapproval of any intimacy that could be inferred. He has a wife after all, in fact, he'll remind you every chance he gets. Joel has no problem indulging in and joking about more sexual approaches vs more affectionate ones. Eg, the neck kisses, calling Jimmy babe, having pillow talk with Tango and literally making a baby with both Jimmy and Sausage in ESMP. But anything affectionate makes him feel vulnerable and so that's a no-no. I have no good explicit examples for this other than the fact that he just doesn't engage in affectionate engages/jokes much (not even with Lizzie) and him refusing to hold Jimmy's hand in SL. It's all jokes, and if it does get too sus, no worries, he can always just proclaim "I have a wife!!" as a no-homo safety net. But methinks he's just in denial. Unfortunately when he starts to grapple with his feelings I think he becomes homophobic and has probably called himself every slur out there. It'd make sense to me given how he often acts around Jimmy. It's not that he has anything against the concept of gay, he just doesn't know how to handle himself being gay

But, along with him trying to step out of the ecosystem and instead wanting to support Jimmy, he's also become more open to intimacy? For lack of a better word. He's been much less outward about his interactions with Jimmy being jokes, eg the RL and WL kisses where they're both just fucking soft about it man and just carry on, or him declaring himself to just be flirting with Jimmy to Gem and Scar in WL with no caveat. Still, Joel absolutely can't express genuine love or care in any conventional manner to Jimmy which hmm. Why might that be... WL puts Joel's worry for Jimmy to the forefront where he is VERY vocally upset about almost each of Jimmy's deaths but can't express this to him any other way than to call him a loser. Other people might hear of his worry (eg Gem) or he'll defend Jimmy to them (disapproving of the premature grave people built for him in SL. This in general is really important in signifying his departure from the ecosystem by disapproving of others within it). He is very nice to Jimmy, like in WL (especially considering Jimmy's several attempts at killing him for no real reason) but only outside of vocal confirmation

This is why in the smallidarity compilation I included clips like him in Phasmo just saying he was worried about Jimmy TO Jimmy because this fucker never says that so this is substantial material for me. It's character development, maybe he's slowly exiting the closet and coming to terms with his feelings and that he can be "vulnerable". Anyway that's why I label him homophobic but the point is that he really does care Jimmy a lot and he's been much better to him and by virtue less homophobic towards himself

[wileys-russo]

the winner takes it all II a.russo x reader

warning; sad world cup loss lessi hours ): got a buunch of blurb requests for various different angsty tings around the world cup loss so i have decided to just combine them all into one gut wrenching fic, so ur all welcome x

the winner takes it all II a.russo x reader 3.9K words

you were bouncing with excitement on the bus to sydney. you were in awe when you did the final stadium walk. you were fired up when the whistle blew to begin the match.

when spain scored you brushed it off, only using it to further fuel your drive to equalise. when that hadn't happened by half time, you felt the cold hand of worry start to wrap around your throat. when your girlfriend who in your opinion was one of your biggest assets toward equalizing was subbed off at the half, you tried to focus on the faith you had in your manager. your stomach dropped at the disappointed glint in alessia's eyes which she hid well behind an understanding smile, but not from you. when that was shortly followed by rach going off, you couldn't help but to let doubt creep in a little at sarina's choices.

your legs burned as you sprinted back and forth from one end of the pitch to the other, feet relentlessly pounding the perfectly manicured grass. desperate to cling onto anything, any chance of a goal.

when alex went down your heart lurched into your throat, aggression of the game growing as tackles became sloppier from both sides. still, you pushed forward with everything you had.

two minutes to go and you once more felt the cold hand of worry squeezing around your neck, tighter and tighter as each second passed where a goal wasn't landed. your lungs burned and muscles screamed for any sort of respite but still you refused to give in, in utter disbelief that this was how your tournament was going to end. you were absolutely gut wrenchingly crushed by the time that final whistle eventually blew. you collapsed to the floor, head buried in your hands and fingers blocking your ears, desperate to drown out the noise of the loss. blades of grass tickled at your nose as your chest heaved with silent sobs and you squeezed your eyes shut, willing the hot burning tears carving their way down your cheeks to just go away.

you felt hands on your back, slender fingers wrapping around your wrists and pulling you to sit up, lotte tugging you into her arms and whispering in your ear just how well you played as you buried your face in her shoulder, body wracked with the bitter salty tears you could no longer choke back.

after a brief pause from reality in her embrace you settled, pulling away and using your jersey to wipe your tears, the taller girl pressing a caring kiss to the side of your head before moving on to console the rest of the team.

if you thought the pain of the loss was bad, it was nothing compared to the punch in the stomach felt at seeing the look of sheer utter defeat slapped on your girlfriends face. you wasted no time moving toward her, ignoring the agonizing pain in your legs, hell you'd crawl to her if you had to. your eyes met just moments before you wrapped one another in a bone crushing hug, both mumbling to one another sweet affirmations of your performances and obvious condolences for one another's losses, you knew alessia's stung just that little bit more, overthinking if things could have been different had she been given the chance to contribute more.

not yet out to the general public and neither of you particularly wanting to be the face of tomorrow's papers you forced yourselves to pull away, but not before you reached up to gently wipe away a few stray tears from the blondes face with the pad of your thumb.

alessia so badly wanted to kiss you, to just wrap herself in your little bubble of love and comfort and just fade away from the bitter reality you were both co existing in, but just like you she knew now wasn't the time or the place.

you both wasted no time then moving to mary's side, the keeper crumpled in a ball on the ground with her head hung in her hands, choking back her own sobs. you murmuring how proud she should be as alessia rubbed her back, rachel and lucy tried to gently encourage her to stand up on her feet.

swallowing your pity the team gathered for one last lap of the pitch, clapping with forcefully broken smiles, eyes shining with pain and crushing disappointment but never missing the time to thank your supporters for being by you the whole time regardless. the rest of the ceremony flew past in the blink of an eye and before you could even blink you were all silently packing up your kit bags and filing out of the change room for the very last time.

the distance echos of celebration and whoops of joy from your opponents were not lost on your ears from the other end of the hall. neither was how heavy the second place medals felt hanging around your neck, tokens which should represent your pride in how far you'd progressed now only existing as reminders of what could have been.

you and alessia sat together on the bus back to the hotel, her head slumped on your shoulder, your hands intertwined as you ran your thumb soothingly over her knuckles. you'd seen a few tears slip from her eyes during the medal ceremony, stifled with a bite of her lip and more self control than anyone would ever know, but you knew the striker was making a point of holding back.

your pain eased a little when you arrived to the hotel and were all quickly whisked away to the function room by the staff, your friends and family greeting you with a symphony of cheers, hugs and chants of praise which rained down upon your tired and aching bones, and everything for a brief moment was okay.

your girlfriend wordlessly handed you a glass of wine, pressing a tender kiss to your forehead and slipping away to spend some time with her family as you did the same, seeking solace in the arms of your mother and siblings, relishing in the innocence and love from your four year old niece, your last name splayed across her back tugging on your heart strings as you spun her around the dance floor.

as it ticked into the early hours of the morning you all danced and drank and slipped into a sweet sense of false security that maybe, just maybe, this would have been the same celebration you'd had if you'd won.

it was nearing two in the morning when you felt alessia's hand on the small of your back, the taller girl hugging you tightly as her chin rested on your shoulder, quietly asking if you were coming back to the room with her as you nodded.

your family having dipped out around an hour ago to put your niece to bed you both made your rounds of goodbyes, laughing at her brothers as they twirled you both around in tight bear hugs, reveling in the sincere smiles it elicited from the two of you.

the process taking about a half hour you were both finally stood together in the elevator, heads buzzing lightly from the alcohol as you leaned into each other in a comfortable silence, eyes half lidded as exhaustion began to sink back in.

having showered after the game you both slipped out of your tracksuits and into much comfier clothes to sleep, wordlessly trading hoodies and inhaling the familiar comfort of one another's perfume before the taller girl settled between your legs with a brush in her hand.

you combed out the tangles in her long blonde hair, mumbling that she needed to stop putting it up into a bun whilst damp with a gentle kiss to the back of her neck, plaiting it softly before you squeezed her shoulders to let her know you were done.

using your knees as leverage she pushed herself up to her feet, making her way to her own side of the bed and flicking off the light as you shuffled back and sunk into the mattress, pulling up the blanket for alessia to sneak in beside you.

you both wasted no time intertwining your limbs, alessia's legs slotting inbetween your own as your arms snaked around her, the blondes nose tucking itself into your neck with a gentle exhale, one hand tangling itself into your hair as her nails scratched at your scalp, your own digits tracing absent minded shapes down her spine as your hand tucked up the back of her hoodie.

soft i love you's were the only words exchanged among a few lazy kisses, both of you far too tired and bodies screaming for sleep as you drifted off wrapped up in one anothers tender embrace.

~

a few hours later you stirred slightly and reached out for your girlfriend but your eyes slowly fluttered open when your hands only clasped onto cold sheets.

"less?" you called out groggily, rubbing tiredly at your face as you sat up and let your eyes adjust to the darkness of the hotel room.

glancing to the side you saw the alarm clock blink that it was 4:43am and you frowned, calling out again for your blonde lover but getting nothing in response. rolling out of bed you wiped the sleep from the corner of your eyes with the sleeves of your hoodie.

your girlfriend a good half a foot taller than you they hung well past your hands, her limbs longer than your own you often teased they'd grown too fast for her to catch up, the poor girl as clumsy as a baby deer on ice. 

your worry grew as you checked the bathroom and she still wasn't there, though it was then that you noticed the slight crack in the balcony door, it left just ajar. you slid it open and poked your head out, your face falling as your eyes landed on the bundle of limbs and blonde hair rocking herself back and forth in the corner.

"oh baby." you exhaled softly as her head twisted up to look at you and you stepped properly outside, noting the tears pouring out of her blood shot eyes as she held out her arms expectantly. as you stepped closer the girls hands grabbed at your hoodie, fisting the material tightly and tugging you down to sit on top of her.

"oh lessi baby." you sighed out as her ocean blue orbs welled up with tears, your hands coming to rest either side of her face as she looked up at you, absolutely broken as she finally let out all of the emotions she'd been bottling up since that final whistle blew.

"it's okay love i'm right here, i'm right here." you repeated over and over as she buried her face in your chest, tears soaking the faded brown material of her favorite hoodie adorning your smaller frame, twisting the fabric tightly in her fists as if she was worried you'd disappear at a moments notice, her body shaking with sobs so intense it cause her shoulders to heave.

it took everything within you not to break down alongside her but you knew you needed to hold it together for the both of you right now, you'd played the full ninety minutes and needed to be grateful for that. 

that opportunity was ripped away from the love of your life and right now that was all clearly coming crashing down on her as she mumbled that she should have ran faster, should have cleared more passes, made more crosses, shot more, done more.

you knew there wasn't much use in disagreeing with her but still you tried to soothe the sting of her plaguing insecurities with sweet nothings mumbled into her hair as you rubbed her back. 

you weren't sure how long you sat there on her lap as she clung onto you, eventually her sobs and tears turning into slight hiccups and sniffles as the sun began to rise and you gently whispered that the two of you should try to get a few hours of sleep before you'd need to be up and leaving for the airport.

you felt her nod lightly and slid off of her, standing to your feet and offering her your hand which she accepted. "wait here baby." you lead her inside and urged her to sit on the edge of the bed, gently prying her hands off of you and bringing them to your mouth with a soft kiss.

the girl watched on as you slipped into the bathroom, grabbing what you needed and quickly returning to her side where once again she latched onto you. you pressed a caring kiss to her lips before showing her what you'd brought back with you and you smiled softly as her eyes welled up with tears again, overcome with love for how deeply you cared for her.

wiping away her tears with your sleeves you stood in between her legs, tenderly kissing her forehead as her eyes slid close and you began to do her skincare routine, you'd memorized each step with the upmost precision, having watched the older girl go through the motions almost every night since you'd started seeing one another.

finishing up you stole a kiss and mumbled against her lips for her to get back in bed as you ducked off to put everything back where you'd taken it from. when you returned she was curled up in the blankets, only the top of her head poking out as you re-locked the balcony door, drawing the shades and setting an alarm on your phone for in a few hours time.

slipping back into bed beside her you wrapped your arms tightly around your girlfriends torso, the blonde tossing around onto her other side so she could press her face tightly into your neck, fists again balling your top and tugging your body as close into her own as you could physically get.

you rubbed soothingly at her back and whispered sweet nothings into her ear until you felt her hold loosen a little and her breathing even out, finally drifting off into a restless sleep as you closed your eyes and eventually did the same.

~

the mood was tense as the team stood in sydney airport awaiting their flight to board, you'd all plastered fake smiles onto your faces and waved till your hands ached as you were cheered all the way to the gate.

but now you couldn't help but feel like a fish in a tank as onlookers gathered just outside the check in desk, oggling for a glance at the squad who almost won the whole world cup.

but it wasn't the fans who were causing the main issues, it was the media.

it was the middle aged men in chinos, volleys and dark graphic t-shirts asking ridiculous questions to try and illicit a reaction, hurrying from player to player reeking of desperation as they angled for any sort of click bait title for a trashy article they could scrounge up, like vultures picking at a roadkill carcus.

thankfully with media training on lock and a few members of security shouldering them out of the way you all made it to the gate mostly unscathed.

you were stood in a small huddle with alessia, ella, lotte, lucy and jordan, making polite small talk about your plans for the brief break before the wsl season was due to start, preseason having already commenced for your respective teams.

you watched on carefully as ella stepped away as soon as the topic shifted to the oncoming club season, a soft frown creasing your features as you shared a look with mary who walked off after her.

both of you were aware of how the transfer was affecting her,  it likely suddenly feeling very real now that you were all out of the bubble of denial that was camp in australia, all now needing to scatter to different places throughout the world.

"you alright baby?" you quietly asked alessia who was sat down on her suitcase, resting her chin on the handle. "m'fine." the blonde mumbled back and you nodded, not pushing her for anything further knowing she was exhausted and still quite upset, the two of you having another tear filled cuddle this morning once your alarm had gone off.

"he's still watching us." alessia grumbled as she glanced off to the side, yourself and lotte looking over your shoulders to see the same man from the daily mail who'd been following you since you stepped foot in the airport loitering around with his camera in hand.

"they're so relentless its vile." lotte muttered as you hummed in agreement. "less do you-" you started to ask if she wanted anything to drink but your words fell short seeing the blonde had her face buried in her hands, trying to wipe away the tears which threatened to spill over.

"oh love." you sighed, placing a hand on her shoulder and squeezing gently as she peered out of her hands with a broken look. "oh for fuck sakes he's recording now, of course." alessia shoved your hand off and turned her head away, you swallowing the pang in your heart as she did and instead turning around to shoot a filthy glare towards the paparazzi who paled at the murderous look on your normally calm and soft features.

"ignore him, he's a prick." you sighed, moving your body so that your back blocked her from being filmed any further, lotte squeezing in beside you to give the blonde as much privacy as possible as she quietly excused herself to use the bathroom, hurrying off still furiously wiping at her eyes with her sleeves.

"hey, you okay?" lotte bumped her shoulder into yours with a small smile, the two of you hadn't grown up together as her and alessia had, but having played for arsenal together for several years now you looked to the brunette as a sister of sorts and the two of you cared quite deeply for one another.

it was all the more reason alessia and yourself had fallen so head over heels, lotte in both of your ears about how sweet of a couple you'd make, unknown to the both of you having been gunning to get you two together for many many months before it finally happened.

"no, you?" you smiled honestly, lotte chuckling and giving you the same answer back. "soon enough we'll be back home and your biggest worry will be avoiding the balls kicked at your head by katie and jen when you run your mouth onruststoker." lotte grinned, your eyes rolling at her nickname for you which you'd eventually harassed viv into translating the dutch for you since lotte refused to give you the satisfaction, it meaning troublemaker.

"do you and less have plans to go away at all before preseason? or should i say before i have to deal with the two of you being atattched at the hip every single day." lotte asked as you noticed your girlfriend return from the toilet, making her way over to her best friend who was sat hunched over with mary, alessia sitting on her other side and slinging an arm over ellas shoulder clearly leaning in to talk to her.

"don't be silly, i'll always make time for my work wife." you winked and nudged her as she playfully rolled her eyes. "and now we can go on double dates instead of me having to third wheel you and tao or being dragged along on your disgustingly cute bike rides." you were now the one to roll your eyes.

"but no not really, we're just spending a few days with our families." you answered her, not having the chance to take the conversation further as your flight was called and it was as if the team breathed a collective sigh of relief as they all began to board, filing down the tunnel toward the private plane which was to be the first flight of three.

~

you slipped your headphones on over your ears as they dimmed the lights in the cabin, you'd all been flying for a few hours now and as part of the jetlag plan set in by the staff you knew you all now needed to readjust back out of the australian time zone so despite it being midday it was important you all did your best to sleep.

well, most of you. 

the plane had all but split into two, those who wanted to chat seated up front together in pairs while the rest of you who wanted to sleep took up the back. you were seat buddies with mary, the two of you having flown together on the way as well both appreciating the long flight as a chance to catch up on a lack of sleep from the excitement of a pre cup camp.

your girlfriend was again seated with ella and you'd left her to it, knowing there were conversations the two of them would need to have during the last of their time together before for the first time in several years they'd not be returning together to manchester together.

but that exact fact is why you jumped in surprise as a soft hand landed on your knee and you opened your eyes to see the taller blonde squatted down beside you. "you alright?" you asked tiredly, having been asleep the last few hours and with a quick glance around it seemed almost all of the girls still were, you weren't brave enough to check the time, knowing you still had a long way to fly.

"i can't sleep, i need you." was all that she muttered in a small voice before motioning for you to scoot over, slotting her body in beside yours, the two of you wriggling around until you found a somewhat comfortable position squished into the single seat together.

"i love you." you whispered quietly, pressing a few sweet kisses to her lips as she echoed those 3 words back to you before encouraging her to try and sleep as she tucked her head into your neck, your nails scratching softly at her scalp where her hair was scraped back into a messy bun. 

"oi what are you-" mary slid down her eye mask and glared toward you, ready to tell you off for the noise of your shuffling around but her eyes softened seeing the two of you curled up together, sending you a smile and a nod before tucking her airpods back in.

"thank you amore mio." you felt the striker mumble into your collarbone as she kissed gently at your exposed skin. "for what?" you whispered back, digits still messing with her hair as hers had snuck up your jumper, tracing circles on your ribs. 

"just being here, being you. you're just...my person, and i love you for it." alessia shrugged lightly and you swooned, a slight rosy pink blush covering your cheeks, alessia glancing up and noticing with a smile, placing a tender kiss to your jaw.

"my best girl." she whispered lovingly, squeezing you a little tighter as mary grumbled a gentle warning for the chatter and you both shared a much lighter smile, your presence allowing alessia to finally let down her walls as she pressed her face into your shoulder and closed her eyes, both of you lulling the other off to sleep with the comfort of one anothers ever present love.

you might not have won the world cup, but you still had one another and were about to embark on a whole new journey together, and though the pain of that bitter loss would hang around for awhile, so long as alessia had you by her side she knew each day it would get a little easier.

[youbutstupid]

Let’s talk about the Hankels and why, despite Reid having a bucket load of trauma, this particular event is portrayed as Reid’s biggest and most traumatic event.

So, besides Hankel, Reid has been shot multiple times, held hostage multiple times, kidnapped, imprisoned, beat up, you name it. But despite all of this, throughout the show we see glances, like the ones in 12x13, of the fact that Tobias Hankel is the biggest stressor of Reid’s life, and I want to discuss why that is.

In order to do this, I want to stress that people need to understand that he was not just kidnapped and beat up: that on its own would be horrific enough, but a truck load of other things happened during and after those two days of hell.

First we have the obvious; he was kidnapped and beat up. This is horrific, this alone would traumatise absolutely anybody. Then we have the fact that he was drugged and as a result of this, he became addicted to said drugs. People don’t seem to understand how two days of drug use can turn into an addiction but addiction is a tricky disease and a whole range of factors can contribute to how fast you get addicted, such as physical health, mental health, the strength of the drug, the type of drug, the circumstances in which it was given, genetics and also Reid’s eidetic memory. Because all of these factors were working against Reid in that time; he was physically weak, he was traumatised, he was given drug store heroin laced with psychedelics which are highly addictive, he was given them at his weakest, his genetics from his mum’s side mean that he is more susceptible to to psychosis and reliance and also he will never be able to forget the relief of his first high, it’s clear to see why he got addicted.

So he is kidnapped, beaten up and then basically given a narcotics addiction, next he is forced to choose someone to die and then they get killed right in front of him. Hankel tells him if he picks a woman, then he can save the other two and his team can save the woman he picks, but his team don’t get there in time and Reid has to watch as the woman he picks is murdered and he has to grapple with the guilt of knowing he contributed to that.

Then you have him literally dying. He died in one of the slowest and most painful ways possible, he had to lie there and choke on his own saliva until he could no longer keep any air in his lungs. He is brought back and the hell carries on.

Hankel keeps playing mind games with him, using religious phrasing to tell him that he is guilty of something and should atone for his sins and at that point, Reid convinces himself that there is something he is guilty of and that is being a bad son.

Because of this, he is then forced at his weakest to walk on his injured foot, with his arms bound and find a plot on a graveyard so that he can begin to dig his own grave. The mental and physical torture of this one act would be enough to ruin anybody.

Then, he gets the chance to kill his attacker, and he has to watch as Tobias dies. This kills Reid, because he saw Tobias as completely innocent and just a product of his father who was pulling the strings in Tobias’ mind.

Keep in mind, all of the above happened in the space of just 2 days when Reid was just a 25 year old agent who was barely even allowed field experience.

After all of this, after Reid’s world and his view on life gets destroyed, everything and everyone goes back to normal and he is left alone to deal with what happened to him. He is now an addict, he has ptsd, he has track marks on his arms and scars, any innocence he had left is gone and his mind which once was his biggest saviour was now working against him. Yet, the world is still spinning, and his coworkers have moved on and no one glances at him when his hands are shaking and he is having a flashback because they have their own lives and concerns and he is left alone with this.

In the years after Hankel, he is completely alone in trying to get sober from his addiction, he is alone when he is trying to grapple with his ptsd, he is alone as he is trying to adjust to work and being back on the field and he is alone in grieving the person he used to be. People say that when you grieve, you begin to get angry that the world is moving on as if nothing is wrong, and I truly believe that is why he is so angry in the last half of season 2.

So it is clear to see why the events of 2x15 still seem to overpower any additional trauma that Reid obtains in later seasons because they literally changed everything for him.

[hippolotamus]

Fuck it Friday 🐝

tagged by the oh so lovely and talented @eddiebabygirldiaz my love @bidisasterevankinard @tizniz @actuallyitsellie (tagging y’all back for Saturday) check their cool snippets and fanart if you have not 🫶

Combining some asks for this lovely FiF.

Have some flaring Buckley tempers, protective!Buck and badass Maddie 💞

“Evan, you and I both know there isn’t anywhere far enough that he couldn’t find me. I will spend my life looking over my shoulder, constantly wondering when – not if – he’ll appear and ruin everything.” 

“I could protect you.”

“I know you would. And I also know you would die trying. Which is exactly why I can’t risk it. At least here I already know what to expect.”

Another plea dies on his tongue, caught behind his teeth where he swallows it back down. He gathers his sister in a fierce hug and promises himself he’ll find a way out for her. Promises that if he ever gets a second chance to save her, he won’t waste it.

“I’ll go,” Evan blurts out. 

The drawing room goes quiet as three pairs of eyes settle on him, a blend of incredulity and curiosity.

“I beg your pardon?” His father, Phillip, asks as if Evan’s said something absurd. 

“Send me,” he says, gesturing towards Maddie. “I should be the one to go with her.”

“Evan,” Phillip scoffs. He turns his attention to his cufflinks as though they might have something to contribute. “Don’t be ridiculous. Any of our representatives in Mayfair are per-”

“Perfectly capable? Of what?” Evan pushes himself up from his chair, his nostrils flaring with anger. “Protecting her? Knowing what’s best? How? They don’t even know her!”

His mother, Margaret, remains silent except for aggressively stirring her tea. 

“Lord Page and Lord Matthews have been friends of the family for far longer than you or Maddie have been alive. They both have extensive knowledge of the eligible gentleman, their families, titles. I’ve already sent details so they can begin narrowing the prospects to someone willing to marry-” Phillip briefly flicks his gaze to Maddie. “Willing to take a bride in such unique circumstances.” 

“A widow?” Maddie challenges. “I wasn’t aware that was such a rare situation.”

“I would hardly call the mysterious events surrounding your husband’s death ‘common’,” Margaret retorts. 

“See? This is exactly what I mean! Last time, you allowed Maddie – your daughter – to be given away to anyone with the best credentials. And then turned a blind eye when she wound up with- with that absolute monster.”

“Evan!” His parents shout in unison, and if looks could kill he’d be dead a thousand times over.

Maddie steps closer, resting her hand on his forearm as a reassurance. “Evan.” A soft antidote to the poisonous way his name was spat out only moments before. “It’s okay.”

He turns to face his sister, ignoring that they aren’t alone. He can feel his voice breaking before he manages any words. “Maddie. How can you say that? It’s not. Not after-” 

He swipes away the tears threatening to fall, unable to voice what he wants to but knowing she understands him just the same. In a single fluid movement, her hands come together around one of his and she locks their pinkies together. 

“It’s okay, Evan,” she murmurs.

He doesn’t believe that, but he does believe her. He trusts that Maddie knows what she’s doing. 

“Okay.” He nods, lightly tugging their interconnected fingers before letting go. He nervously and proudly watches her face their parents, standing taller. Regal almost. He takes half a step back, enough to create a pocket of space, but still close enough to remind her he’s not going anywhere.

In contrast, she takes a step forward. “Considering it’s my future being hotly debated, I find it rather odd that I haven’t been asked what I want. That my own parents don’t seem concerned regarding if or how I would like to proceed.” 

“If?” Margaret regards Maddie with a puzzled look. “You announced your intention to find a husband and remarry. We only want the best for you.” 

“I did announce that as my intention. At no point, however, did I seek help in that endeavor or hint that I might require it. So,” Maddie adds sharply before their parents can interrupt, “given that I have, in fact, been placed upon the marriage mart before, I feel I have more than enough sense to know what to look out for. Is that clear?”

Evan internally rejoices and cheers. Not just for his sister’s speech but for their parents’ matching dumbfounded expressions. Phillip quickly schools his into something more disinterested and, oh, how Evan wishes he had the ability to capture what it was before. Regardless, they have no power over her in this. She’s not a young maiden beholden to a dowry and perceived status. She’s a grown woman who survived the horrors of an arrangement she had no choice in. 

“Just one more thing,” Maddie says. There’s a lightness in her voice that tells him to pay attention and be ready. “A second opinion and the presence of a trusted male companion never hurts. I wish Evan to accompany me.” She pauses to address him directly. “If, of course, that’s something you want.”

“I- yes. Maddie-”

He’s cut off by Phillip loudly clearing his throat. “You’ve both made your point. I’ll arrange a carriage. Be ready to leave by the end of the week if you want to arrive before all that remains are undesirables and outcasts.”

np tagging (for today or Saturday) @stereopticons @epicbuddieficrecs @loveyouanyway @a-noble-dragon @mountedeverest

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@wildlife4life and anyone else who wants to 😘

[seyaryminamoto]

Any thought on Toph's writing and "arc" in ATLA? I personally think Toph was the most stunted and underdeveloped character. She never really develops at all and is mostly just a walking joke. It's clear that the writers loved her but also clear that they never did anything with her.

If you mean stunted and underdeveloped character in the main cast, definitely yes. A lot of minor characters were done a disservice by the show, given next to no complexity, so I wouldn't rank her as #1 altogether, but among the main cast, absolutely.

Now, I wouldn't say she had zero growth, it's just... not an arc. I also don't think she was only a joke, though they used her for comedy a lot. It's part of why it weirds me out when the fandom acts like Sokka, and only Sokka, was comic relief in ATLA. Toph, Aang, Iroh, even Zuko whenever the narrative wanted to poke fun at him, provided comic relief often, so it's kind of stupid to pretend it was only ever Sokka.

... But that ridiculous perception, then, caused the not-so-funny LOK phenomenon of "Bolin is the funny one", where basically all comedy was meant to be about/around this one character, which didn't work nearly as well as they expected it to, and did nothing for the team's synergy and bonding, but I digress...

What do I think about Toph's story and journey in ATLA?

Toph starts out as a girl who wants nothing more than to be independent and for people to stop underestimating her. When we consider that, in her final action scene in the show, she's clinging by her fingertips to someone else, and that her survival and life depend expressly on HIM, it suggests that she's learned that she doesn't have to go at everything alone, and also that she doesn't have all the answers to all situations. The first time we met her, it doesn't really feel like she wants to work alongside other people, as shown in her conflict with Katara in The Chase, where Toph felt absolutely no need to chip in and help out with anything but her personal needs.

I will say, in Toph's defense about that last thing, it's perfectly common for a child who has spent most her life being cared for, not having anyone expect a single thing out of her, to not understand why she needs to contribute ANYTHING to the team. It doesn't hurt that she's new, which implies that the others have been setting up camp, finding food, traveling across the world, without needing an earthbender's contributions. So it's fairly easy to see her side in this: why does she need to help at all? Why can't they handle things on their own when they always did?

But in her chance encounter with Iroh, Toph is given a chance to think on things and ponder that there's nothing wrong with relying on others. It's so effective that this scene concludes with Toph telling Iroh that maybe he should tell Zuko that he needs him too. This might even be one of Toph's strongest moments in the entire show, honestly. She has no idea who she's talking about, has never met Zuko or Iroh before, but what she tells Iroh doesn't sound like it comes only from having determined that IROH needs Zuko: it sounds like self-reflection, based on Toph realizing that maybe she can open up to needing her friends, too, and working alongside them isn't such a bad thing.

I think this is decent writing. Really!

The issue is... this is about as good as it gets with Toph.

I really like her character, she has a lot of good jokes, some interesting moments of vulnerability here and there, but this scene with Iroh is the only instance of the show I can think back on that actually features Toph questioning her strict ideas and reasoning with them, choosing a different path and abandoning something else she wasn't ready to forsake (complete and utter independence). What's more, this isn't even the kind of growth where Toph has COMPLETELY abandoned her individualistic mentality: she's adjusted it. She allows herself to consider she could be part of a team, to have friends, to work with others, but that doesn't mean she's tied down to them. It never stops feeling like Toph is more than ready to do things on her terms, in her own ways. No matter how much she bonds with the others, she will rely on them exclusively when she needs them (see how she clings to others when she has little to no visibility), or when they need her in combat and such, but outside of such spaces? It's unlikely that Toph will be the type of person who feels the need to be accompanied all the time, who feels better if someone is constantly watching over her. Her friends allow her to find some kind of balance between her need for independence and the comfort of having allies and friends to connect to... but that doesn't mean that she'll never break off on her own when the urge hits her, when the big battles are settled, when problems are resolved.

And I'm the last person to think Yang, of ALL PEOPLE, has any solid understanding of these characters, but whether it was his idea or Bryke's to feature Toph as a teacher, and to have the Gaang drop by to pick her up during The Promise? Ultimately, this just proves she doesn't feel the need to be with Aang, Sokka and Katara non-stop. If even someone like Yang thought she'd go do her own thing (... the quality of what he wrote is, of course, forever in question), down to even leaving her out of The Search entirely? It's clear that they're not trying to promote the idea that Toph is forever clinging to her friends now. She's still independent.

But like I said earlier... this balance Toph finds between her friends and her freedom isn't the product of multiple episodes and lots of hard work and bumping into obstacles to achieve. This... is literally just Toph's second episode. That's the last time the show actually challenged Toph on a PERSONAL level that doesn't involve "becoming a more powerful bender".

Take her relationship with her parents, for instance: the fandom is convinced they were abusive as fuck and that Toph would hate them forever. Ironically, the show DOESN'T promote this notion at all (which makes The Rift kind of insane when compared to the show's treatment of Toph's parents), for it features her parents as two idiots who underestimate Toph immensely and who simply want her to come home and stay out of danger. This could be deemed as abusive in some people's minds, as usual the word needs to be taken more seriously nowadays... they're not good parents, there's no denying that. They don't understand their daughter, outright. They allow their preconceptions of her disability to determine who they think their daughter is. There's nothing in the show that suggests otherwise.

So why, exactly, is it that every instance where Toph considers communicating with her parents or meeting them, she seems to be perfectly content with doing it?

Xin Fu's trap for Toph was completely cemented on the notion that Poppy Beifong had come to visit Ba Sing Se and that she finally accepted her daughter for who she was. Toph's reaction isn't some kind of jaded dismissal because there's noooo way her mom would ever accept her... she outright goes to see her. Which allows Xin Fu to trap her. Which then results in Toph discovering she can metalbend. But the thread that started this whole plotline? It... goes nowhere. Of course, Toph's parents AREN'T there, there's no real reason to assume they've changed, and this was just a trap... but we get no reaction from Toph when it comes to this. We see no conflict. She simply embraces her new abilities and runs back to Ba Sing Se. A quick glance through the transcript shows zero focus or interest in what she went through. Hell, there's not even any acknowledgement that she learned to metalbend. It's all about Aang's struggles with the Avatar State and Katara being in danger.

Next time? The Runaway. A very frustrating and annoying episode. What happens here? Katara decides to dig into Toph's old wounds regarding her parents, tries to psychoanalyze her and decides that all of Toph's rebelliousness against authority boil down to having a bad relationship with her parents. Which... maybe it's true? Doesn't really justify Katara trying to act like her mother anyway? And then the episode ends with Toph asking Katara to help her send a letter to her parents, which sounds like Toph has made her peace with them and like she's ready to accept that she would like them in her life too, and that she wants them to accept who she is. Yay.

... The issue here is there's no follow-up. This doesn't feel like development because nothing comes from it. Nothing really changed. It doesn't come from organic writing either: it comes from Katara's forced "mother friend" role that she didn't use to hold at all (as I said in the ask about why I think Katara loses her appeal as a character the deeper we go into ATLA), and it never actually confronts Toph with her parents again. It doesn't feature a deeper reflection from Toph regarding why she feels the way she does about her parents, nor does it feature Katara realizing that Toph's parents actually did fuck up a LOT with her and that she has every right to push back against them. It merely makes Katara calm down because she realizes the others care about her (while eavesdropping, ofc) and are ready to accept her for who she is... even though she, too, merits a LOT of reflection regarding this mom friend role and nobody else should be comfortable with that, let alone her :'D

Point being, the show really just holds this as the only thing about Toph that wasn't actually resolved, but it acts like it's fine because Toph sent a letter. What growth did we see in Toph that actually means this letter makes all the difference, though? We have no idea how it affected her parents -- as much as Yang acts like it didn't affect them at all, it could have made them rethink some things, or it could have made them mount an even more desperate search for their child, who knows? And it's a pretty solid thread to pull at, to tug loose, to TRULY challenge Toph's character... aaaaaaand they just don't do it at all.

The way I see it, that's really what it boils down to. The show doesn't challenge Toph in any significant way after her... second episode. This isn't the case for most main characters, and I'm not even asking for Toph's story to feature an intense, horrible, super harrowing and difficult plot...! Just, make some things complicated for her. Show her frustrations, show her difficulty to grasp things she hasn't experienced before. Confront her with realities that she, a sheltered girl from a pretty well-off city, has never really needed to face before. Her attitude towards Ba Sing Se is never questioned or challenged narratively: she's constantly proven right about the city being fucked up, and about her reads on all high society people. While all this makes Toph feel smart to a viewer, the issue really comes where this character basically only has her admittedly sizable charisma to win us over. She succeeds! But what does this show give her to work with besides a very quick "I don't wanna work in a team-I learned to work in a team" conflict that is resolved even faster than Sokka's sexism, which pretty much died out within 4 episodes?

There's definitely a component here were Toph is successful not only because of her personality, her abilities, her strength... but also because of the message she conveys regarding disabilities. A LOT of disabled people have clung to Toph as an example and inspiration to not allow whatever ails them to define them or hold them back. Whether the comparison between a blind girl with magical powers and a disabled person of our world without them is valid or not? The effect Toph has had on a lot of viewers who related to her struggles is undeniable. In a sense, it almost feels like the fandom's worship of Toph suggests that in not giving her further challenges on a personal level, they actually hit some kind of jackpot as far as social messages are concerned... but once you actually scope in and pay proper attention to her character, you might find she's got so much more potential that went ignored by this story in favor of presenting her as this unquestionably strong girl who relies on others when she really needs to but otherwise is independent and free from all of society's restraints on her.

Personally, I know this to be the case because of the pushback and reactions my version of Toph in Gladiator initially resulted in. She had no reason to think anything of Sokka and damn near killed him when they first clashed in the Gladiator League... and this horrified a LOT of people! They couldn't BELIEVE Toph could be like this! An older Toph, 7 years older to be precise, who broke free from her parents' hold, struck a bargain with her would-be-captor to get him MORE money than he'd find if he turned her in, and who wanted nothing but to measure her strength against other powerful fighters. If she doesn't have Aang's group's influence on her as early on as when she's 12-years-old, is it REALLY that crazy for Toph's problems with her parents and authority to fester, for her craving for independence to reach new heights, for her readiness to prove herself stronger than anyone to actually be a hazard for other people who stand in her way?

Thus... a lot of the work I've done with this character has been deconstructing these flaws, building her into someone who understands herself better. It's in learning from the examples Sokka and Azula set for her that she starts to realize what kind of person, what kind of LEADER she wants to be. One of my favorite scenes to write about Toph is when she's setting her city free from Fire Nation control, extending her earthbending reach all across Gaoling, putting a stop to the FN army while focusing on creation rather than destruction. On building up her people, on leading her forces with the power of her seismic sense, on capturing the enemy leader, all of it without razing her home city to the ground. Early Gladiator Toph? She wouldn't have cared one bit to join the war to begin with, and if someone had told her that her city, the place she associated with rules, limitations and restraints would be razed to the ground? She might have even encouraged it. Yes, a part of her would have felt guilt over her parents... but she would have been so emotionally stunted that she would have forced herself to ignore any part of her that still cared about them.

And worth noting? One of the biggest personal issues Toph faced was actually nearly killing Azula and Sokka because of her absolute determination to win against them during an event. They were already friends, but they were also each other's biggest rivals in the League... neither side holds back when it comes to this particular competition, and Azula and Sokka had actually beaten Toph and Iroh on their previous encounter! Which meant Toph's desperation for victory was driving her a bit crazy. But once Toph takes it too far at one point, she freaks out. It triggers guilt that actually jumpstarts a much deeper and more complicated arc than anything she'd been through before. Her determination to win at all costs, her pride over her lifelong winning streak within the League... she's suddenly facing the possibility that all this shit she used to cling to, so damn hard, means NOTHING when she could lose two of the people she cares most about if she continues to privilege all that stuff over their wellbeing and safety.

And this doesn't mean that she didn't like fighting as a Gladiator anymore... it means she really came to terms with the fact that other things mattered more. Later on? She realized there are BIGGER fights out there, too, than what's going on in the League: she was the last line of defense against a brutal attack by a rogue waterbender who killed a lot of people and could have killed many more... and after the fact, she spends quite some time worrying about what could have happened if she had failed to protect everyone, if her strength had faltered when she needed it most.

Yes, touting my own horn a lot... but everything I've typed about my own story is exactly why it can even piss me off, at times, to see Toph's potential as a character squandered to the extent it is in canon. I've done so much more with her than they ever did, and granted it's a huge story, but Toph ISN'T the main focus on it and I still managed to give her more to work with than canon ever did. It makes no sense, does it?

I don't think she was given the respect she deserved, and partly, I feel this happened with a lot of female characters who straight-up don't have arcs at all. There's this latent fear that in questioning a character, showing they're flawed, they could become unlikeable... ironic how this is seldom a concern over male characters, but it is with female ones. And mind you: it DOES happen to male characters, because Aang himself is the most egregious example of a male character showcasing flaws and people spiraling over them, turning them into something they never were, all be it to pretend SOMEONE ELSE (*cough* Zuko *cough*) is that much better than him. But they WEREN'T scared of writing Aang into complicated situations that showcased his flaws and resulted in his growth, though. They are with Katara, Toph, Suki, Mai, Ty Lee... :') wonder why, huh?

Ultimately, Toph is a much better character, boiled down to basics, than many characters I tend to talk about and criticize openly. The issue with Toph, for me, isn't really that she fails as a character, or conveys wrong messages, or that the narrative is biased in her favor (though sometimes it is...).

The problem with Toph is she has no chances to truly grow into her own. That her biggest growth comes from a singular conversation with Iroh in episode 2x08 is incredibly unfair to a character who can provide SO MUCH if you simply give her a chance and let her be... human. Flawed. Complex. There's so much more that can be done with her, and if given a chance? She really could have been the best character of the entire show. Too bad they didn't have the guts to let that happen.

[ju5t777]

Your Seven & Blazar art gives me life. Thank you for the Ultra food in gen.

On a deeper note, I'm curious to hear your opinion on how Seven would interact with Gento. Both of them are fathers, & tho Gento transforms into Blazar, you can argue that Blazar is his partner/ "kid" in a way. Both of them would also go above & beyond to protect Earth to the point of self-destruction.

Yet, unlike Seven, Gento wants to be involved with Jun (in 1 episode, he outright tells his dad to stop being a try hard) & makes it known. He's also less uh....morally dubious record-wise.

Thoughts?

Ooh! I like this idea! Yes please give me more how Character A interacts with Character B prompts, I live for these kinds of discussions!

For context, I'll be considering Gento during the events of Blazar 2023, and Seven after the events of Mega Monster Battle 2009 (M78 timeline).

Firstly, let's state on record that any invading alien and kaiju is lucky that Seven and Gento are not defending Earth at the same time, because they’d be an absolutely deadly duo. With Seven’s strong adaptability and knowledge on extraterrestrial subjects, coupled with Gento’s leadership and strategic mindset, topped off with their resourcefulness, combat experience and determination -- they'd keep Earth safe for as long as they both lived. If they worked well together and trusted each other, they'd be nigh unstoppable.

Despite this, their interactions could vary drastically depending on how much trust they can establish between them, how willing they are to work together, and whether the safety of Earth is at stake during their interactions.

Gento is a strong leader who places great value in the contributions of his team, and often devises plans with all of his team in mind. While he does give out dangerous orders, he ultimately functions best when all of his team is on board with him on his ideas. Seven is substantially less worried about team rapport and building trust etc., and prefers to work alone as an agent. He does care for his teammates, but believes that some hands-off/harsh treatment is necessary so that his teammates can 'develop' (Taro 1973 Ep 33 & 34, Leo 1975). Thus, Seven wouldn't last long in Gento's team, given how Gento values his team members and their relationships, and how tightly-knit Gento runs his operations. Gento may still decide to work with Seven at arm's length, as he'd recognise that Seven is a powerful ally, or an even more powerful opponent to have.

While their goals and dedication regarding Earth are similar, their values are inherently different. As you’ve pointed out, Gento puts his family as a close priority — it’s unlikely that he’d do anything to compromise his family at this stage. Seven's close to opposite: not only has Seven excused himself from Zero’s upbringing, but has a history of choosing Earth over the lives of his own brothers (Leo 1975, Ep 39), though he does show immense difficulty making those decisions. Any argument/conflict between Gento and Seven would likely force Gento to play the moral side of missions -- which he is admittedly not strong at. There is a high chance that Seven could make Gento follow through with something he'd end up regretting later.

Their relationship could go either way. If they were to interact on good terms, it's likely that they'd establish an odd informant/agent relationship. It wouldn't take Gento long to figure out Seven isn't human, but he'd likely see that as a resource more than anything. Given Gento's penchant for holding important secrets, he'd keep any interaction with this weird alien informant as a secret from his team and/or family. On healthy terms, they'll spend their off times exchanging grapevine news, comparing monster research, sharing stories about their sons, or maybe engaging in some hiking or fishing together. Seven and Gento can relate on many things, including the stresses of their duties, any accident or alien related trauma, or their concern for their families. On a deeper level, they could talk about their decisions, regrets, fears, or the times where they came close to becoming the monsters they were fighting so hard to protect Earth from. They'll disagree on a lot of things, but they'd hold a decent respect for each other as fellow Earth protectors.

On the other hand, if they're unable to build any sort of trust between each other, and if saving the Earth requires a sacrifice of any of their values, Gento and Seven could turn out as rivals or foes. Both of them are stubborn and unwilling to compromise on their values -- Gento will go against any plans that risk the loss of his family or his team, and Seven will not accept anything that puts many humans at risk of any danger, even if it's other humans. Seven is a horrible enemy for any species to deal with; his lethal special techniques, astute observations and his unwavering willpower makes him dangerous and difficult to oppose. Equally, Gento's charisma, composure and methodical approach to strategy means that he'll find way more allies and resources, and he'll be able to form more elaborate plots against Seven once he figures out Seven's weaker points. It would take a third party to stop their fight from worsening (maybe their sons, their teammates, or even Blazar), because any actual conflict between Gento and Seven wouldn't end until one of them has been removed from the picture.

Regardless, I don't think they'd be in any position to ignore each other -- their duties and lives are way too similar for them to stay as strangers!

I can imagine that their first interaction would be anything but normal ;D Maybe someone found some aliens attacking cities and towns, claiming they were original inhabitants of Earth before the humans apparently invaded. Maybe Seven’s in the middle of investigating a weird Ultraman with a warbling warcry and a fondness for veggie juice. They’d probably only meet at times when the Earth is in serious danger, and Seven's oddly timely appearances during times of crisis would 100% arouse suspicion from SKaRD. Simultaneously, Seven's got a track record of being weirdly interested in humans -- he'd end up following Gento in the distance during his missions, popping up to interfere with missions or to part with cryptic advice, which will cause Gento no end of confusion or frustration. Then eventually, when Seven inevitably gets caught by the authorities and pulled into interrogation as Dan Moroboshi, or when Gento gets caught in some alien skirmish while a human-sized Seven is in action, or when SKaRD witnesses some bird-like or buffalo-like kaiju materialise to help Blazar in a fight -- they'll get a chance to properly talk.

That's just my initial thoughts! I'd expect that there'd be more nuance between Seven and Gento, as there are a lot of parallels between their characters. Their dynamics would be different depending on which iterations of those characters we'd be using: e.g. Gento would have a lot to teach 1967 Seven on how not to be gullible weirdo who doesn't listen to his team, and he’d have a lot to say about 1974 Captain Moroboshi. Also, Heisei Seven is a force of terror that I don't want to subject either Gento or SKaRD to. If they'd ever meet up in stage-shows/movies though, I'd like for them to be friends.

TL;DR Gento and Seven could turn out as confidantes, or they'll end up stopping each other from saving Earth. Now I want fanfic of this

[autistichalsin]

I have seriously started typing and then deleted it four times, because I am so frightened that any tiny miswording will get this post mocked, or have people doubt my sincerity. I think I'm going to just have to tell myself to go ahead and post it, hoping that it will stay in the circle of people who know me well enough through my posts to read this as it is meant to be read, and to quietly acknowledge that if anyone uses this as a chance to mock or snark, it says more about them than me.

So here goes; this is a message to all of the survivors who read my posts.

First, to the ones who have reached out to me: thank you. You may not realize it, but you're actually kind of giving me a gift when you do that. Because when you do that, you're not only telling me that you trust me enough to share this with me, which honestly makes me feel honored, but you're also helping me. You're making me feel less alone, too, and you're sort of... well, if you guys deserve healing (you do), then I guess I do, too, even if I still have this voice in my head that maybe feels like what happened to me was a weird karmic punishment for not being able to protect my loved ones when they had certain things done to them. You make me feel less alone in the weird journey I'm taking. And it's a gift to be given your stories, and trusted with them, and to be able to turn the absolute utter bullshit we were given into something good. Seriously, please don't ever apologize for sending me your stories- you're helping me just as much as the other around, maybe more. They're a gift, not some kind of, like... burden.

(Honestly I think that the proliferation of terms like "trauma dumping" have really worn out their welcome. Like, there's a conversation about boundaries to be had for sure, obviously don't go and tell people about heavy things without their permission, but that term has caused so many people to be afraid to share their authentic lived experiences with people who do want to know, who have given their consent. We need a new term that conveys the importance of consent before bringing up potentially harmful topics, but that doesn't stigmatize people asking for help. Do you guys remember that TikTok video a few years ago with the therapist saying her clients were "trauma dumping" on her? That term has got to go.)

Second, to anyone who may be lurking and wants to reach out, too: I'll be here when you're ready! And until then, know that the posts I make are for you, too.

Third, to people who aren't survivors who are on this page: thank you for being here, too. Thank you for contributing to these conversations that help remove the stigmas, that help us feel seen and supported.

Every single message I get, whether it's a request for a headcanon or fic, or a survivor's story, or something else, is really something I treasure. Whether it's a serious message or something silly, I love hearing what you guys feel you need to say! It just... I don't know. There's something that makes me really giddy about seeing an ask. Someone wanted to tell me, in particular, these things, and read my response, in particular, to it. It feels so much more personal and sweet and authentic than what Twitter cultivates.

Lastly: I JUST REALLY FUCKING LOVE YOU GUYS A LOT, OKAY????

[aspd-culture]

Contributing to the conversation, I think it’s, I’m gonna be honest, more likely that emotional abuse would boost the chances of aspd forming because children as a demographic are routinely gaslit, emotionally abused, dehumanized, and treated as property both by their caregivers (be they family, guardians, or teachers) or peers (other kids in school). Being dehumanized routinely as a child and thinking this is all you are to others, it would make sense that being on the receiving end of ‘antisocial treatment’ (as in, things that would prohibit social camaraderie and communal relations) would contribute to an antisocial mindset that persists in life.

Aspd is very specifically also a heavy impulse-based disorder too, underdeveloped frontal lobe and prolonged emotional trauma before the healthy development of that lobe that manages impulse control in social settings met with emotional abuse, it’s probably also why a lot of kids who do develop aspd could also end up with an exception for the person who treated them like a person but one person obviously cannot offset All of the damage the rest of their environment caused. I think aspd is perhaps somewhat more underdiagnosed *because* people don’t provide a lot of support to pwaspd when they’re adults because the adult with aspd has so thoroughly alienated themselves through their disorder that people just don’t care if they get help or communal care. Because it’s easier to just let pwaspd fall through the cracks because they’re ��evil” and “don’t deserve it”.

So now you have someone who has spent their entire lives being proven left and right that they’re not cared about so “why the fuck should they care about anyone else, care is obviously conditional on my behavior and even when I mask, I’m not good enough”. Anyways, yeah, I absolutely think prolonged emotional abuse is absolutely a valid and understandable cause of aspd when we look at how we treat kids.

On the one hand, there is a lot here I completely agree with, but I do have some points I feel there is more to/have some nuance/etc.

So yeah, absolutely agree that emotional abuse seems a much more likely culprit for the development of ASPD than others (assuming of course that we're putting these in a vacuum, because realistically most children suffering other types of abuse likely experience emotional abuse as well. Not arguing with that at all. The reasons you mention here all make a lot of sense to me, and I want to add that one known to be a big one is teasing; many researchers believe that specific experience is very damaging to a child at risk of developing ASPD. Part of that is what you mentioned - the gaslighting and general disregard for the trauma teasing can cause and the hurt associated with it makes the child feel like they will not be protected in other situations. Because the child doesn't see this the way the adults do - as something "trivial", unimportant, and incomparable to "real" trauma - they don't realize that the adults involved would respond differently to other types of pain. They just believe, given their experience, that the adults will always minimize and disregard the problems they come to them with and therefore do not bother to ask for the help they know they won't get in the future. This creates the need to be self-sufficient and protect yourself and, without intervention from adults, the ways to do that are limited and generally either violent or manipulative. Children dealing with any type of disregard for their problems may also learn that they can manipulate the adults into reacting the way they need them to - a seemingly helpless, caring, "gentle", naïve, etc. child will get more help than the average one - and take that as a normal part of life.

I'd argue that dehumanization is less related to ASPD personally, not in that it can't be but in that it isn't a specific risk factor. Generally, that dehumanization of children is universal not pointed, and the child will see that children are treated like this, but adults are not, and that will stick in their development as it does to all children. The things that are generally considered large risk factors for ASPD's development are things that lead the child to believe will be a problem their entire life, and therefore their brain develops to tolerate that. An example here is that all children deal with restrictions and rules older children and adults do not have, and cannot do things older children and adults can do. They see this and rather than learn it as an issue with society, they simply become impatient to grow up. Dehumanization is a serious trauma that arguably most kids deal with, and it needs to be addressed and fixed for the good of children as a whole, but I don't think it specifically lends itself to ASPD if that is the only kind of emotional abuse the child is dealing with (again, putting these things in unrealistic vacuums for the purpose of this conversation). Now there is a MAJOR exception to this:

Dehumanization that goes to demonization absolutely is a heavy risk factor for ASPD. If you treat a child like they are all bad, or even actually call them a demon/devil/terror/etc. frequently and consistently enough, especially if they hear you doing it behind their back to other people, then they will take that in as a part of their identity. Children don't understand the fluidity of identity, which is why their current interest will always become their favorite thing, their answer to "what do you want to be when you grow up" will be intense and certain yet change every few days/weeks, etc. so when you identify them as a bad kid or worse, then they will behave that way because they think that is what they are supposed to be. This attempt at correcting a child's behavior generally leads against its own goal and makes the child believe you *want* them to be bad because that is what you told them they are. But the general dehumanization of children is honestly an overall societal problem and considering how low the prevalence of ASPD is (even accounting for under-diagnosis), I think it's probably not a leading factor. That's just personal opinion though, a good portion of my response to this ask is.

It's really important to me that we address the belief that impulse control issues are inherent to and a major part of ASPD, because that genuinely is not the case. While it is a part of the diagnostic criteria, I'd like to point out that only 3/7 of those need to apply, and impulse control doesn't need to be one of them. Allow me to explain why this is important to me before anyone writes off this please, because this one actually is not opinion based. ASPD is well known to be a disorder heavily based on trauma in the overwhelming majority of cases - purely genetic ASPD without any trauma exists but is not common at all afaik. Discussing the majority who are traumatized, it's important to note that a lot of types of trauma *do not allow for impulse control issues*, at the expense of the child's safety and emotional/physical wellbeing. It is dangerous for a child dealing with trauma bad enough to cause a personality disorder to not be able to control themselves, and part of what ASPD is is a means of self-preservation in the face of a seemingly hostile, dangerous, and uncaring world/society. Thus the symptoms we see in ASPD - aggression, defensiveness, self-sufficiency, distrust of others, manipulation, lying, charisma, etc etc etc - are things that would have kept the child safer and get them ahead. For the children who were at risk if they were not able to control impulses, that symptom has quite a low chance of developing. Therefore, I don't think it's fair to say that that is an inherent part of ASPD. Our understanding of the neurology of ASPD is also very undeveloped - all research of ASPD up to and including current has been and continues to be biased and ableist, specifically mostly including inmates imprisoned for long sentences due to violent crimes, especially extreme ones and repeat offenders. This is naturally going to lead to the idea that ASPD is always or almost always associated with poor impulse control - because your average person with ASPD is not going to be included in these studies to get an accurate representation. Until we do get a largely unbiased understanding of ASPD, I don't think we can decisively say anything about the neurology of it, and I've seen several researchers and mental health professions alike agree with the idea that we don't know anything conclusive about that at this point for various reasons, including admittedly the lack of cooperative response many pwASPD would give a study like that.

I also have some notes on the issue of underdiagnosis, because I think it's based in a similar concept to what you said, but for the opposite reason. The people most likely to be diagnosed with ASPD are ostracized and isolated, as far as I've seen. The problem with underdiagnosis really comes in with the opposite type of ASPD which may well be the majority. That is the people who have crafted a seemingly normal adjustment to life and society - people who have friends (whether they're actual friends or just a front to seem normal), have healthy or at least long-term relationships of some variety, seem caring and kind, and are generally either well-liked or at least have no more effect on the people around them than neutral. It's not the ones who have been mistreated and openly get dismissed as bad and evil even into adulthood who don't get diagnosed, it's those of us who *don't* fit that stereotype. It's something a lot of us fight tooth and nail to get people to understand; I'm aware I seem empathetic and caring but that is both possible for pwASPD to learn to be and possible to fake. It is that dismissal and demonization of pwASPD that leads to diagnosis - but not from the people being demonized or dismissed by society.

All in all I don't entirely disagree with any point you make here and I think all of it is an important piece of the discussion of the risk factors of ASPD, but I think this understanding is missing a good amount too.

Plain text below the cut:

On the one hand, there is a lot here I completely agree with, but I do have some points I feel there is more to/have some nuance/etc.

So yeah, absolutely agree that emotional abuse seems a much more likely culprit for the development of ASPD than others (assuming of course that we're putting these in a vacuum, because realistically most children suffering other types of abuse likely experience emotional abuse as well. Not arguing with that at all. The reasons you mention here all make a lot of sense to me, and I want to add that one known to be a big one is teasing; many researchers believe that specific experience is very damaging to a child at risk of developing ASPD. Part of that is what you mentioned - the gaslighting and general disregard for the trauma teasing can cause and the hurt associated with it makes the child feel like they will not be protected in other situations. Because the child doesn't see this the way the adults do - as something "trivial", unimportant, and incomparable to "real" trauma - they don't realize that the adults involved would respond differently to other types of pain. They just believe, given their experience, that the adults will always minimize and disregard the problems they come to them with and therefore do not bother to ask for the help they know they won't get in the future. This creates the need to be self-sufficient and protect yourself and, without intervention from adults, the ways to do that are limited and generally either violent or manipulative. Children dealing with any type of disregard for their problems may also learn that they can manipulate the adults into reacting the way they need them to - a seemingly helpless, caring, "gentle", naïve, etc. child will get more help than the average one - and take that as a normal part of life.

I'd argue that dehumanization is less related to ASPD personally, not in that it can't be but in that it isn't a specific risk factor. Generally, that dehumanization of children is universal not pointed, and the child will see that children are treated like this, but adults are not, and that will stick in their development as it does to all children. The things that are generally considered large risk factors for ASPD's development are things that lead the child to believe will be a problem their entire life, and therefore their brain develops to tolerate that. An example here is that all children deal with restrictions and rules older children and adults do not have, and cannot do things older children and adults can do. They see this and rather than learn it as an issue with society, they simply become impatient to grow up. Dehumanization is a serious trauma that arguably most kids deal with, and it needs to be addressed and fixed for the good of children as a whole, but I don't think it specifically lends itself to ASPD if that is the only kind of emotional abuse the child is dealing with (again, putting these things in unrealistic vacuums for the purpose of this conversation). Now there is a MAJOR exception to this:

Dehumanization that goes to demonization absolutely is a heavy risk factor for ASPD. If you treat a child like they are all bad, or even actually call them a demon/devil/terror/etc. frequently and consistently enough, especially if they hear you doing it behind their back to other people, then they will take that in as a part of their identity. Children don't understand the fluidity of identity, which is why their current interest will always become their favorite thing, their answer to "what do you want to be when you grow up" will be intense and certain yet change every few days/weeks, etc. so when you identify them as a bad kid or worse, then they will behave that way because they think that is what they are supposed to be. This attempt at correcting a child's behavior generally leads against its own goal and makes the child believe you *want* them to be bad because that is what you told them they are. But the general dehumanization of children is honestly an overall societal problem and considering how low the prevalence of ASPD is (even accounting for under-diagnosis), I think it's probably not a leading factor. That's just personal opinion though, a good portion of my response to this ask is.

It's really important to me that we address the belief that impulse control issues are inherent to and a major part of ASPD, because that genuinely is not the case. While it is a part of the diagnostic criteria, I'd like to point out that only 3/7 of those need to apply, and impulse control doesn't need to be one of them. Allow me to explain why this is important to me before anyone writes off this please, because this one actually is not opinion based. ASPD is well known to be a disorder heavily based on trauma in the overwhelming majority of cases - purely genetic ASPD without any trauma exists but is not common at all afaik. Discussing the majority who are traumatized, it's important to note that a lot of types of trauma *do not allow for impulse control issues*, at the expense of the child's safety and emotional/physical wellbeing. It is dangerous for a child dealing with trauma bad enough to cause a personality disorder to not be able to control themselves, and part of what ASPD is is a means of self-preservation in the face of a seemingly hostile, dangerous, and uncaring world/society. Thus the symptoms we see in ASPD - aggression, defensiveness, self-sufficiency, distrust of others, manipulation, lying, charisma, etc etc etc - are things that would have kept the child safer and get them ahead. For the children who were at risk if they were not able to control impulses, that symptom has quite a low chance of developing. Therefore, I don't think it's fair to say that that is an inherent part of ASPD. Our understanding of the neurology of ASPD is also very undeveloped - all research of ASPD up to and including current has been and continues to be biased and ableist, specifically mostly including inmates imprisoned for long sentences due to violent crimes, especially extreme ones and repeat offenders. This is naturally going to lead to the idea that ASPD is always or almost always associated with poor impulse control - because your average person with ASPD is not going to be included in these studies to get an accurate representation. Until we do get a largely unbiased understanding of ASPD, I don't think we can decisively say anything about the neurology of it, and I've seen several researchers and mental health professions alike agree with the idea that we don't know anything conclusive about that at this point for various reasons, including admittedly the lack of cooperative response many pwASPD would give a study like that.

I also have some notes on the issue of underdiagnosis, because I think it's based in a similar concept to what you said, but for the opposite reason. The people most likely to be diagnosed with ASPD are ostracized and isolated, as far as I've seen. The problem with underdiagnosis really comes in with the opposite type of ASPD which may well be the majority. That is the people who have crafted a seemingly normal adjustment to life and society - people who have friends (whether they're actual friends or just a front to seem normal), have healthy or at least long-term relationships of some variety, seem caring and kind, and are generally either well-liked or at least have no more effect on the people around them than neutral. It's not the ones who have been mistreated and openly get dismissed as bad and evil even into adulthood who don't get diagnosed, it's those of us who *don't* fit that stereotype. It's something a lot of us fight tooth and nail to get people to understand; I'm aware I seem empathetic and caring but that is both possible for pwASPD to learn to be and possible to fake. It is that dismissal and demonization of pwASPD that leads to diagnosis - but not from the people being demonized or dismissed by society.

All in all I don't entirely disagree with any point you make here and I think all of it is an important piece of the discussion of the risk factors of ASPD, but I think this understanding is missing a good amount too.

[silverjirachi]

How were you a cult leader for a week?

Okay so this is going to be a looooonnnggg story and I never even really sat back and thought about how batshit insane it was until I started talking about it with other people. Which is more recently than you'd expect for the fact that it took place over ten years ago. But back then I also didn't have the life experience to see how.. weird and creepy it was until well, well afterwards.

Another thing that contributed to the fact that I never really thought or spoke about it because that was actually a core tenant of the program. If you talk about it, you're ruining the "sacredness" of the experience if someone else might go through it. So you gotta keep it secret so it's not spoiled for them. Which was a way bigger deal at my school than it now is like, out in the wild. And when I said that first part out loud "So like, oh! I'm not actually supposed to talk about this, BUT" I realized this was some cult shit.

Like I said, long story so I'm gonna put it under a cut for people who wanna read.

Alright so. This story begins at my co-ed Catholic high school. Each year as part of our like, religious enrichment, we went on "retreats" or missions to different areas locally. Freshmen didn't have one, though their was like 1 day of service out in the community. (We went to a retirement home and passed out valentine's cards all day if memory serves).

Sophomores and Juniors got to participate in the more coveted, multiple-day religious retreats that were school-sponsored excuses to get out of school. And they were mandatory, even if you were not Catholic.

What's important to know about these retreats is that they were FAMOUS at our school. They were surrounded with so much mystique, hype, and infamy. People spread rumors about them. People spread lies about them. People spread gossip about who did what with such and such during these retreats. One common, straight-faced lie that almost ALL seniors told about the Senior Retreat was that you all "got naked and danced around a fire" (this will be relevant later). The Naked Fire Dance was like a schoolwide JOKE about this very famous, very infamous senior retreat called Kairos.

What added to this hype, particularly around Kairos, is that once you completed it, you got this special (though rather plain-looking) cross that was given out at the end of the retreat. ALL the seniors who had been through Kairos wore them, EVERY DAY, and groups of students were taken on retreats in groups of 40-50, so not the whole class got them at once. It was like a gradual progression watching these crosses appear around peoples' necks. And like, they got to miss ALMOST A FULL WEEK OF SCHOOL. Come on now. That's amazing.

I actually broke down crying when my own Kairos cross broke during band practice and my percussion instructor fixed it for me. That's how important these things were, both as an emotional AND a status symbol. Wearing a Kairos cross was on an equal level with having a class ring - if you wore one, you had MADE IT.

So I was naturally STOKED when I discovered I was selected to take part in Kairos at the end of my JUNIOR YEAR rather than my senior year. Looking back on it, this absolutely was not random. Kairos retreats were split into different dates for a very particular purpose, and that was to make sure there was always a fresh influx of students to become the next set of "leaders" on these retreats. The first round of Kairos actually began in May or June of the respective class's JUNIOR YEAR so that there would be some classmates to lead the next Kairos that would begin in the proper senior year in the fall. I was selected for this first session because they ABSOLUTELY had already scouted me out as a potential leader and wanted to make sure I had the chance to. I had good grades in religion, participation in church, etc, and kind of had a reputation for it.

Funnily enough, these were all numbered, and I was on Kairos 68. I led Kairos 69, which they changed to Kairos 70. Do the kids these day know? Do they even know their whole numbering system is off because their school refused to allow Kairos 69 to exist?

BUT WHEN ARE WE GETTING TO THE CULT SHIT? Ok. We'll get into the cult shit now.

So the first thing to know about these retreats and therefore also Kairos is that they take place in the middle of the woods. They're at a spiritual retreat center led by some monks about 30-40 minutes away from the school. So you are ISOLATED in what is essentially a large cabin but feels more like a retirement home. Everyone gets their own tiny little room that basically only had a bed, a dresser, and your own sink in it.

They take you into this cabin in the middle of the woods and of course you have to give up all your electronics. Your phone is confiscated from you if they find you have brought it, etc. Not only this, but then you find that they have covered up all the clocks. So you start to develop this immediate sense of restlessness and time blindness because all the clocks are covered with a white sheet and a sign that says "GOD'S TIME." Your entire day structure and even sense of TIME are now at the mercy of the cult leaders, excuse me, I mean student leaders and teacher chaperones on the retreat.

There are no parents here. It's just about fifty 17 to 18 year olds and about 7 teachers. And about 6 student "group leaders" who had a very, very central and important role in the whole event.

What essentially happened was for the next 4 days, we sat in this group conference room at round tables listening to talks and having breakout discussions about Jesus all day. Church in the morning and evening. You got max like, 1, maybe 2 hours of free time after lunch. Literally just living that #monasterylife. But there was something very... particular... about these talks that are things I definitely do not think go down at a monastery.

Each day, a handful of the teachers and student group leaders gave talks surrounded a particular topic or theme of the day. I can't remember all of them, but they'd be things like Piety, and Service, and Charity, and Forgiveness, etc. Christian values. Each talk had a name centered around a particular value. Mine was Piety.

The thing about these talks though, is that they were incredibly, deeply, invasively personal.

Now, I'm going to be upfront and say no one was forced to go up there and spill the deepest darkest secrets of their life. All the student leaders had signed up for this KNOWING they'd be asked to write an incredibly personal sermon on their assigned topic. But there is something addictive about that cult mentality when everyone is getting up on that pulpit oversharing well, you wanna spill your whole life story too. (However, we'll get back to some insider secrets about this later).

TW next paragraphs off-hand but not graphically mentioning suicide, suicidal ideation, self harm and cutting, domestic abuse, etc.

Teachers went up there and talked about their marriages and divorces and how such things brought them closer to God. About how their drunken fathers beat them. Student leaders got up there and gave talks about their suicide attempts or being abused and how being saved from these things brought them closer to god. I learned the intimate ups and downs of my teachers' and fellow classmates' lives in a way I NEVER thought I would and it would all be wrapped up in a little lesson about god. They'd play a little meaningful song of the speaker's choice before and after the sermon to set the scene and help everyone reflect and pray. Mine were Uncharted by Sara Bareilles and The Unwinding Cable Car by Anberlin. Very deep and meaningful stuff to me at age 17.

As the week progresses and the students drink more of the kool-aid, the participant students are even allowed to go up and say a few words too. And I am not kidding when I say each night there would be at least 1-2 confessions of suicidal ideation or suicide attempts, a handful of mentions of cutting or self harm, and a handful of mentions of actively being abused, even in relationships with other students not on the retreat.

No trigger warnings because this was like 2012 and those were only JUST becoming a thing.

Now, looking back on it now as someone who has taught middle and high schoolers, I can only say: WHaT THE HELL? Teachers absolutely were not required to report these confessions, and I think actively were encouraged not to. I know for a fact student leaders were not supposed to report anything. Because it was supposed to be a safe space where people could say anything. To know someone might take action outside that world would violate the sacred trust we were building with one another, and the closeness we were getting to god. People could reach out to someone individually after the retreat, but unlike in a lot of other cases where it would be MANDATORY for an adult to report certain things, no such enforcement here existed. As a teen, that seemed awesome. As an adult who has taught and looked after children now, I am horrified. I know it's a complicated nuanced topic, but holy hell batman.

And as a 17-year-old retreat leader, I felt responsible for my flock. One girl confessed to me about her mom who was being actively abusive, and I, at the tender age of 17, was suddenly put in a position where I felt like I had to do something for her. I'M NOT EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH THAT!! I'M SEVENTEEN!!! But she confided in me and now I wanna support her in any way I can. I went over to her house several times after that retreat and honestly almost got myself into some horrible, dangerous situations because I felt like I was obligated to because we had shared this soul-baring bond at Kairos. I TOLD NO ONE. I GOT HELP FROM NO ADULT ON THIS.

BUT THESE TALKS WEREN'T EVEN THE ONLY WILD AND WACKY THINGS THAT HAPPENED THAT WEEK!!

One of the other biggest events at Kairos was "letters night." This happens on like the second night of the retreat when all 50 teenagers are herded into a dark room lit only by a few candles and sit in silence for a few minutes. We're all sitting there wondering what's going on. Then, all of a sudden, one of our teachers starts reading a letter addressed to someone. At the end of the letter, it's revealed its from a parent or loved one of at student in the room. They're called up to receive their letter and a hug of comfort if they want it, because of course half of us are sobbing at this point. This goes on for all fifty students in the room. Each of us gets a deeply personal letter from our parents or loved ones about our life stories read in front of forty-nine of our other peers. I can't even imagine how this must have felt for someone without loving parents, but they made it work so everyone had a meaningful letter read aloud.

After that LONG, LONG process, we do one final meditation and are led back to our rooms for sleep. It is then we discover BOATLOADS of letters from other students that have been dumped all over our rooms and our beds. Letters of love, encouragement, well-wishes. Confessions of love or admiration. Letters of apology. Truly anything your upperclassmen friends, relatives, or others might want to write about you. The letters night is kept INCREDIBLY secret and is actually one of the reasons I never talked about Kairos. Because, as personal as it is, it was also an incredibly powerful, formative moment for me. It made me feel more loved and more valued as a person who made a difference on this earth than anything else in my life at that point, and I hung on to my Kairos letters for a very long time afterwards. And the not knowing anything, the surprise of it all really contributed to that. It was like getting hit with a truck with nothing but sheer love, especially at a time in my life when I felt worthless and unwanted and was, myself, actively considering suicide. Writing letters to my group members and friends going on Kairos was my favorite part of the whole process.

And then there was. The moment you have all been waiting for. THE NAKED FIRE DANCE.

Now, thankfully, this was not an actual naked fire dance. But the joke was at last revealed. It is called the naked fire dance, because it is at this point that THE STUDENT LEADERS, and ONLY the students leaders, NO TEACHERS, take their small flock back UNSUPERVISED into these small breakout rooms and they have... the naked fire dance. All the lights are off. It's the middle of the night. The small room is lit only with one candle, and everyone sits in a circle as the teenage cult leader starts with a single prayer. Then she opens up the floor. Now all the students, heart to heart, sit around this single candle for the next hour sharing secrets about themselves. Confessing things to each other. It's called the naked fire dance because you "take off your masks" (aka "get naked) in a circle around "a fire" (candle).

Again, this was an incredibly moving and formative experience for me. I was in a group with jocks, cheerleaders, people I'd NEVER interact with normally. And I felt so loved and connected to them. But that's a big component about how cults work. They feel good!!

Then, you all go back for one final group prayer and are released to bed. The next morning is the 4th day where they do some wrapping up, and you find out the whole retreat is structured around Jesus' 3 day death or whatever. And then you, on the 4th day - rise again. You live the fourth!! And you also talk about it to no one. Ever. That is a very important component of Living the 4th: Don't you dare fucking talk about it.

You go back to the school on a bus for your parents to pick you up and you are led into the chapel for one "final prayer" it's then that you are stampeded at down the hallway by all the other students who have already been through Kairos. That was also very special, like the letters moment. Just a WALL of over a hundred other teenagers running straight for you screaming. My boyfriend was there and picked me up and spun me around it was really sweet and nice. Trainwreck of love.

AND NOW FOR SOME INSIDER KNOWLEDGE FROM SOMEONE WHO SPENT A WEEK AS A CULT LEADER STUDENT DISCUSSION LEADER:

Every night after we'd send the students to bed, all the teachers and student leaders would convene in this other, side cabin like a high council. It was there that we'd review how the day went, how our breakout and small group discussions went, things we were observing in our flock student group, things we wanted advice and guidance on, etc. They were nice meetings. We'd have snacks. It'd be fun etc.

BUT. MY FAVORITE PART OF THESE MEETINGS. WE'D TALK ABOUT OUR NEXT TARGETS. WE'D TALK ABOUT WHO IN OUR GROUPS WE THOUGHT WAS CLOSE TO "BREAKING." AKA OPENING UP TO BARE THEIR SOUL AND CONNECT TO THE OTHER STUDENTS. TO LIKE. SPILL ALL THEIR BEANS.

WE WOULD DISCUSS STRATEGIES TO HELP BREAK THEM.

"Oh yeah I think letters night tomorrow is gonna break Chris enough to open up at the naked fire dance."

"Kelsey is SO CLOSE to getting there I think she'll break through tomorrow morning."

"Yeah I think Ryan just needs his space but I can tell he'll come around so we'll not push we'll just gently continue to offer."

HELLO???

I'M SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD AND IN A ROOMFUL OF OTHER STUDENTS AND MY TEACHERS TALKING ABOUT HOW TO PSYCHOLOGICALLY MANIPULATE OTHER STUDENTS INTO SHARING SECRETS ABOUT THEMSELVES???

And again, never even thought that was weird or culty until now. Just thought I was helping my fellow students get the most out of Kairos. And you're not supposed to talk about Kairos, btw.

Anyways. TL;DR it was a really great experience for me and taught me a lot about empathy for others and self love, however there were definitely more than a few ethical violations and things that now raise a number of concerns for me as an adult that I think will never get fully addressed.

And that's how I helped to lead a cult for a week!

[the-unconquered-queen]

With Blades 2 coming to an end, I just wanna get it off my chest that I'm really not a fan of how they wrote Nia for a great part of this one, particularly vis-à-vis the way they wrote MC. I know I've been saying some stuff along those lines for ages now, but it hasn't left my mind so now I'm gonna actually get into it.

For starters, I think a lot of the issue with Nia's writing was captured pretty well in the tags of this post, particularly on point 2. Like I've said, Nia unfortunately falls into the category of a Mary Sue in that every "flaw" she's given just serves to elevate her to perfection. Hell, even when corrupted—when a person is supposed to be in their most volatile state—the worst she does is be snarky that first chapter (she is aggressive toward MC at one point before this, but it's neither acknowledged nor repeated later). After that, she is entirely normal, just not as much of a pushover, and while I much preferred shadow!Nia, I do think that this really undermines the whole gravity of corruption and b2's emphasis on shadow-light balance, since shadow!Nia comes off as quite balanced already, especially compared to other corrupted characters we've seen.

But here's the thing, that post that got me thinking is months old, and we have gotten more story since then, and what I have noticed is that Nia does, in fact, have one real flaw in canon, but it's the one flaw she's absolutely not meant to have: Nia in canon can at times come off as self-absorbed. She either makes things about herself or doesn't stop people from doing this, and there are multiple examples of it. There is the instance in Riverbend when MC is taking a moment to finally try to process Kade's capture (which, following their own capture, they never got the chance to process) and Nia derails the conversation and makes it about her own grief and is comforted by MC and Mal. Another example is the moment on Gerhard's ship when she vents about the pressure she's been under and lets MC comfort her without at any point considering that MC might have been under similar pressure.

And don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with a character putting themselves first. But when the book doesn't waste a single chance to tell us that Nia's character is the complete opposite and that she is chronically incapable of not being considerate 25/8, it's quite contradictory. I mean, you can even call out Ethan Ramsey, PB's golden boy, on making things about himself at some point in OH, but because, unlike Ethan, Nia is written for you to consider her super sweet and wholesome and perfect, the Blades MC actually contributes to this by performing mental gymnastics to turn something around to be about Nia.

Which brings me to my final point: Blades 2 pushed MC to the side to revolve around Nia, but MC is exactly the person they meant for Nia to be, by virtue of the dissonance between showing and telling. They tell you that Nia is selfless because she always puts everyone else first. Well, I can and did name examples showing the contrary, meanwhile, MC is the one who was been through the most traumatic ordeal and is constantly checking in on everyone else without expecting and without receiving much of the same courtesy in return, even apologizing to Nia because she was "carrying all that weight on her own", never mind that MC always has the weight of the world on their shoulders. They tell you that Nia is the heart of the party, but they both told and showed us that everything fell apart without MC.

Even some of Nia's most defining character traits, MC has in similar measure. Nia sees the best in everyone? MC can be the #1 believer in Aerin's redemption after all the shit he pulled. Nia is trusting to the point of naivete? MC literally trusted Valax while she outright told them at every turn she would turn on them at the first opportunity, and was genuinely hurt by the betrayal. Miss me with MC calling Nia "our better self".

Every trait that they've gone out of their way to tell you Nia has they've shown twofold in MC, which is why it's so exasperating to me that they reduced MC to the conduct through which other characters' (particularly Nia's) stories get told while their own is an afterthought. I am by no means saying that two people can't have similar traits or that two people can't be good people at the same time, but there is something about praising these traits in Nia when, based on these, MC should be held to a similar standard. Instead, they relegated MC (main. character.) to a supporting character in Nia's story, elevating every trait that MC possesses only in Nia while ignoring them in MC to the point that many scenes felt frustrating to play.

[werewolfsmile]

tysm for answering my qs about werewolf!eliot !! not to keep bugging you lol but i remember you mentioned in the tags of a post one time about a hc/au of parker being some sort of fae or otherworldly being who’s just kinda found herself here in the non-magical world - could you elaborate on that? like how come she’s in the non-fantasy part of the leverage universe, or whether the other characters know, etc? only if you want to of course, no pressure :) i’m really enjoying reading your posts about all these ideas!

You're welcome! And you're definitely not bugging me, I love getting the chance to ramble about my thought lol (werewolf!eliot post here) (link to the post and my tags that started this)

Honestly I don't have as clear ideas for Parker as I did for Eliot, but I imagine her being some kind of changeling or air/wind sprite that was left with humans for whatever reason.

(ooh i'm getting more ideas for this the more i think about it..)

okay, Parker is actually half-fey, half-human

no one really knows who her parents were or how she came to be on her own (me included lol), she was just found on a doorstep as a baby

the people who took her in had their own issues and the state eventually intervened and sent Parker into foster care

she found out at a very early age that she was different to other kids - she could move around without making a sound, she could fit into tiny spaces - all very helpful for a young girl in a foster system that was chewing her up and spitting her out

she also discovered that she could ... not turn invisible exactly, but she could be less visible if she wanted to be; all she has to do is think about not being seen and people's eyes just drift over her

Archie had absolutely no idea what she was when he got his hands on her, but even he knew that she was beyond just a gifted child

he only realised there was something magical about her after she fell off the roof of the warehouse he'd been training her in - then walked it off like it was no biggie

fey creatures love puzzles and riddles, so of course Parker has always had a natural affinity for puzzles (aka locks)

her super artistic talent is a trait that is Entirely Parker and, given that she entered a life of crime early and was surrounded by artistic masterpieces all the time, she never even considered that other people would draw/paint/whatever with any lower skill level

this contributes to her not understanding what the fuss is over art

she gave herself the name Parker when Archie met her and asked her name; it was the first thing that came to mind

she doesn't remember her birth name and isn't bothered by that in the slightest

Eliot was the first of the team to figure out she was fey - being a werewolf, he can smell and/or sense that kind of thing on others

Hardison suspected something was up with her, but then felt bad for thinking that, but then strange things kept happening around her so he started to keep a list ...

pretty much Hardison has a red-string conspiracy theory-style board of Parker Things. He's too terrified of offending her to ask her outright, but he's more convinced every day

(he's also more in love with her and just thinks her fey-ness is another thing to celebrate)

Parker finds Hardison's board of Parker Things and is utterly fascinated. It's like he understands her better than she understands herself. He's super flustered when he finds her poring over the board and tries to make excuses, but Parker's quick to steamroll over that and demands if he knows what she is

Eliot finds them 15 mins later, stuck in an endless loop of confusion over which of them actually knows what Parker is

he just rolls his eyes, says she's half-fey, it's obvious, like, "what? it's a very distinctive smell!"

which leads to how the hell would he know what the fey are and Eliot's like, oh crap, right, they still don't know I'm a werewolf whoops

Hardison and Parker stage a coming-out for her to Nate and Sophie

(Eliot refuses to be involved but still gets roped into carrying the banner. He's still finding glitter in his hair weeks later)

Sophie is thrilled about the reveal and confesses to being a siren (or some other supernatural/magical creature that can manipulate people, idk i have less thoughts about her than i do about parker)

Nate is all like are you kidding me right now what the hell is my life

after a lot of badgering, he confesses he didn't know about Parker, although he has been ... aware of magical beings for some time

no he will not be discussing this any further, can we just get back to the con now??

Parker finds that, now she's aware of her fey-ness, her magical abilities develop further

she doesn't quite gain the ability to fly but ... yeah okay, she can pretty much fly

she wants to test how far this flying ability goes - by, of course, jumping off tall buildings with Hardison in her arms (and no harness for either of them)

Hardison flat out refuses this, so Eliot somehow finds himself the unwilling victim

of course, Parker masters flying while carrying people in no time and proves it to Hardison by just grabbing him and jumping off a building one day

(he's still in therapy for it)

Parker also discovers she can make herself kind of ... misty

this skill is harder to learn but she's already been able to make her hand go misty and whoosh inside a lock

picking the lock is harder in this incorporeal state but Parker's instincts say there's a way to do this, so she keeps practising until she can pretty much disintegrate herself and float through locked doors to rematerialise on the other side

it's a nightmare for the whole team because, sure, it's not like locked doors stopped her in the past. But now she's so excited about it all the time that any concept of privacy completely leaves her brain and she jumps in and out of rooms and safes etc any time of day or night

Wow. This ended up longer than expected! Guess I did have some ideas about fey!Parker after all..

[tokiiorb]

Vamp nishiki lore masterpost:

EVERYONES FAV SUICIDAL VAMPIRE!!! I'll try to keep this updated ^^ for now it's mostly just everything that's on my ig story highlights, but reformatted and paraphrased >:3

This au is all I ever think abt atp I LOVE VAMPIRES and Nishiki's a really good character to use for it. Like, with the whole aching hunger concept as a metaphor for the pursuit of power, the loss of humanity being used literally, doomed everything... Ugh it's perfect

GENERAL CW FOR THIS ENTIRE AU: themes of suicidal ideation, doomed romance, in depth descriptions of blood, suicide, double suicide(?), and all the fun stuff that comes with vampires

ִֶָ. ..𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ🦇་༘࿐ Info on turning + drinking blood conceptually:

HOW THESE WORK 😝😝 you can skip this part if you don't care about the logistics and just wanna get into the juicy lore. Just know that vampirism here works how it does in twilight

OKAY SO!!! My fav way for vampirism to function is for "feeding" and"turning" to be two entirely distinct acts. They can drink blood but transforming someone is a whole seperate deliberate act that relies on the person actually dying (whether it be in the process, or before the transformation.) Biting acts moreso as fuel to the vampire, and to the "victim", the progressive drainage of life.

No forceful omission of autonomy post transformation either (because ew, lol.) They're still individuals.

Turning + drinking blood ideologically:

The act of turning others in itself is seen as an inherent negative amongst vampires in general, but this would especially apply to Nishiki, and especially to her thoughts on transforming Reina (at least near the beginning of her vampirism arc,) because Nishiki just views death as a "favour" in circumstances where she would seem it necessary. Transforming someone into a vampire would be reserved as an absolute last resort.

So, as mentioned, turning doesn't actually cause the newborn vampire to surrender their autonomy to whatever vampire transformed them. As such, even if Nishiki were to transform another person, she can't force anybody to respect her. Some will still just see her as the same inadequate chairman, just a bloodthirsty immortal monster in addition to that. She would ofc still try to use it as leverage over others. Attempts at intimidating people with the whole 'graaawrrr evil vampireeee' or 'I gave you another chance at life, put some respect on my name' are still to be expected, they're just not guaranteed to be effective. And given her circumstances, it's safe to assume that such a reality check would only contribute to the progressive buildup of frustration, rage and envy. in this case, it cut extra deep with the knowledge that transforming another was intended to act as a failsafe if she cannot gain the respect, approval or validation she desperately craves. To give herself control over SOMETHING in her life.) In avoiding transforming others, a vampire also actively turns away the deep, aching pit of desire within themselves in favour of protecting another. I just think there's something so beautiful in the concept that eternal life is seen as such a curse they literally have to force their own cravings aside to prevent it from occurring in others that they care for ;;; + It'd give vamp Nishiki something to cling onto when still convincing herself that the shit she's doing isn't wrong.

ִֶָ. ..𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ🦇་༘࿐ How + when Nishiki vampirism happened:

Tldr: it's during the post Yuko situation suicide attempt.

Yeah, so, I think Nishiki would've been transformed by some random vampire who essentially just gets off scot free. I reeeally love the idea of Nishiki fully being in the process of ending it, entirely in the headspace of being prepared to attempt and succeed at taking her life, only to be forced into an eternity more of a life she wasn't ready to continue. It's the unpreparedness, the lack of control that permiates her entire character. The idea of living another day being *easily* more terrifying than a simple death by her own hand would've been, let ALONE immortality. The whole trope of wanting to die, but being unable to do so. (I am clearly very normal) It'd force Nishiki into a survival au, make her face all of her actions head-on rather than being able to run from them. It'd be painful, having lived through herself turning into a monster (in a literal, and physical sense.) But, she would also have to face the love that she canonically died not knowing she had. The eternal memory of her in Kiryu's heart, and the love Reina held for her.

Nishirei!!!!!:

AGHHHH VAMP AU NISHIREIIIIII ;;;;; Nishiki is a vampire and would never actually transform Reina. IMAGINEEEEE how Reina would feel, knowing that Nishiki, of no fault of her own had something she really needed from her, and giving it to her and bringing her joy gave her the greatest joy. And by all accounts Reina would be the only one who could possibly have the ability to do it. But at the same time, it would be slowly draining all her life out of her. UGH... I have no doubt in my mind that Reina would let Nishiki drink her blood. Seeing the person you love so deeply for deny themselves something that they genuinely need is painful. And Reina LOVES. (Thats not to mention the whole physical closeness and intimacy that comes with blood drinking lol.) Its moreso a matter of the initial hesitance on Nishiki's end, at least initially, to take something from someone who loves you while knowing full well that it would actively be harming them. At some point, though, denying herself that urge would just get too difficult and Nishiki would wind up taking her blood. And by the slickback era, it would come much easier to her. Though, there'd still be that fear/ general emotional vulnerability, with both parties essentially laying themselves bare for the other (whether it be in a literal/ physical sense, or an emotional personal needs sense.) To trust another with your entire being. Vampire au Nishirei are doomed to painful yuri death </3 Nishiki would never be able to bring herself to transform her one true love out of selflessness, not wishing to inflict the pain of immortality onto her. It'd end with Reina growing old and withering away. (Picture a mid 30s looking Nishiki cradling Reinas aged, dying body as she succumbs to the happiest death she could be given </3. If you wanna get double death-pilled with it (I always do lol), it'd have Reina holding a stake, and you could imagine the rest.)

ִֶָ. ..𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ🦇་༘࿐

AND THATS ALL FOR NOW!!!!! I hope you enjoy my vamp au as much as I do omfg I love her so much... Go follow me on Instagram if you aren't already for whatever reason I post about this au ALOTTTT