#and i went with what was the most painful for ME

[remlionheart]

Dazai with a reader who got a HUGE oral kink, like they just cant stop giving him oral

₊ ⊹MDNI₊ ⊹

ft. whiney, whimpering, overstimulated dazai :(((

Dazai had little to no self control when it came to most things in life, but especially when it involved the feeling of your soft lips wrapped around his overly sensitive tip. The content little hums you'd let out in between breaths while you flattened your tongue and ran it faithfully up his length for the third time in only a few hours.

"Oh - fuck, fuck... fuck." He groaned, teetering on the verge of overstimulation. He wasn't sure what he'd done to get so lucky. Wasn't sure what he'd ever done so right to deserve a girl that loved to devour him the way that you did, but god damn, was he thankful to whatever divine intervention had led him to you.

Every time he thought there was no possible way he had another drop of cum left to spare, you somehow always managed to coax it out of him anyway.

“Angel,” he nearly whimpered, little tremors hitting his slender body in waves, making his legs shake against the firm grasp of your palm. “I’m - mmm, so… sens...itive - hah-”

His breathy obscenities went straight to your center, making you all the more determined to take him in deeper. A mixture of guttural moans and lewd slurping filled the room as you continued to grind against his leg. Your clit desperately searching for friction while your hand and mouth worked in perfect synchronicity against him.

“You want me to stop?" You asked, batting your eyes up at him through heavy lashes. You already knew the answer from how feverishly he kept thrusting into you though, his tip hitting the back of your throat in a way that slurred and strained your words. "All you have to do... is - tell me to stop... and I will...."

His mind was on fire - stuck somewhere between wanting you to go slower and faster. Easier and harder. "S'too much, angel" and "Don't you dare fucking stop."

He was delirious, spilling out the prettiest, whiniest noises as his long fingers tangled into your hair while he watched you. His mouth dropping open in awe. "I can take it." He gritted out, not ready to pull himself away from the salacious warmth your tongue was gracing him with. "I can take it. Keep going."

It was cute, how hard he tried to seem in control while being at the mercy of your touch.

"I just want one more," your voice was velvet across his tender skin, pleasure mixing with pain as you let out the softest demands. "You're doing so good," you praised, noting the way his eyes had began to roll back. "Good boy, just like that."

Having two switches in a relationship could be a real problem sometimes - neither one of you easily willing to submit to the other. It was a competition almost in the way that you'd both fight for dominance, but today - oh today, you had him right where you wanted him. Even if he wanted to deny it, he couldn't. Not with the way he was writhing under you and whimpering out your name in the neediest voice you'd ever heard from him. Cock twitching when the words, "good boy" left your mouth.

"Give me one more, baby. Just one more." You let the spit that you'd gathered up pool down over his shaft as your hollowed out your cheeks to take him in further, trying not to smile at the way his hips bucked up towards you. His grip tightening in your hair as more incoherent little nothings echoed out into the space between you. "Yeah, there you go. Look at you, you're so close."

"I'm -" he struggled, his pretty brown eyes nearly watering from how overwhelmed his senses were. "Fuck” he hissed. “I’m gonna -”

Your stare locked with his, a wicked smile splitting across your face as his release coated the back of your throat. Cum leaking graciously down your chin as you swallowed every last drop you could before placing a light kiss on his tip, admiring how swollen and perfectly pink it was.

He wasn’t sure if it was an angel or the devil himself that had brought you into his life with the beautifully depraved way you were looking back at him, but either way - he was fucking thankful.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

[gilbertscurls]

Hiiiii, could you please write a smut about either Chris or Matt over stimulating the reader and then the reader has to use their safe word and then either Chris or Matt gives the reader lots of aftercare?????

hope you like it <3

Good for You ➵ Chris Sturniolo

warnings: short smut, overstimulation, oral sex (f!receiving), safe word (i made it pepsi bc i had no ideas lmao), crying

It was late, and the quiet of Chris’s room was interrupted only by the sound of soft breaths and murmured words. You lay on the bed, your head thrown back as Chris settled in between your thighs, seemingly insatiable. One orgasm, two, three…

Chris was attentive, his touches always searching for your comfort. But as the night went on, he kept pushing just a little more each time, his gaze locked on yours, watching the way you responded. There was a hunger in his eyes, tempered only by the care in his touch, each gentle whisper of reassurance keeping you grounded.

"Oh god, Chris…" you gasped out, your body trembling beneath him as yet another climax washed over you. You felt so sensitive now, every nerve ending alight with pleasure that bordered on pain. Your hands gripped his shoulders tightly, nails digging in as you tried to anchor yourself against the overwhelming sensations.

But even through the haze of ecstasy, you could sense Chris's intensity, the way his focus never wavered from your face. It made you feel seen, truly understood in a way you rarely experienced. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as a wave of emotion crashed over you.

"Please," you whispered, not quite sure what you were asking for. More of the same intense pleasure? A moment's respite from the relentless tide of feelings? Or maybe just… connection. "I don't know how much more…"

"Shh, it's okay, I've got you." Chris breathed softly, pressing a tender kiss to your inner thigh before trailing up towards where you needed him most again. He licked slowly along your slit, savoring your taste and the way you shuddered in response.

Chris's mouth sealed around your clit, sucking gently as he continued to lap at your folds. His fingers probed deeper, curling inside you to stroke that sensitive spot within. The sounds of your pleasure were music to his ears, spurring him on. He knew he should probably slow down, give you a break, but he couldn't help himself. Seeing you like this, lost in bliss, was intoxicating. And he craved more — more of your moans, more of your trembles, more of your trust. So he kept going, determined to push you to new heights, to make you forget everything except the exquisite sensation of him worshipping your body.

"That's it baby, let go," Chris coaxed breathily between long licks. "I want to hear you fall apart for me." He punctuated his words with a firm suck on your clit, making your hips buck involuntarily. "Come on, baby, give me one more." His voice was low and rough with desire, urging you onwards. He slid two fingers deep inside you, pumping steadily as his tongue swirled around the sensitive bundle of nerves. "Cum for me," he commanded, the vibrations sending shockwaves through your core. "Let yourself go."

But then, as he continued, you felt a shift—a hint of something overwhelming that built up inside of you, like waves crashing harder and harder. At first, you brushed it off, trying to meet his pace, but the intensity grew faster than you’d expected, making it difficult to keep up.

And suddenly, it was too much. A tightness built in your chest, and without realizing, you felt tears pricking at the corners of your eyes.

With a shaky breath, you whispered, “Pepsi.”

Chris immediately froze. The safe word you’d both chosen felt like a lifeline, and his face softened as he pulled back instantly, his gaze full of concern and care. “Hey, hey…” His voice dropped to a low, soothing tone as he met your eyes.

“I’m sorry, it’s just… a little much,” you murmured, feeling a few tears prick at the corners of your eyes, a mix of release and relief.

“Don’t apologize. I’m here,” he said, gently brushing a few strands of hair away from your face. Chris reached out to softly take your hand, grounding you, his thumb tracing gentle circles over your knuckles. “Let’s take a breath together, alright?”

You nodded, matching his slow, deep breaths, feeling yourself steady under his calm presence. He leaned in to press a comforting kiss to your forehead, not moving any closer, giving you space to feel and be. Slowly, the room seemed to settle, and the intensity of the moment faded into the familiar warmth of being with him.

Once you both sat up, he guided you to the bed, pulling the covers around you like a soft cocoon. He grabbed his sweatshirt from the nearby chair, slipping it over your shoulders. “Here, I know you love this one.” His small smile reassured you, his touch never hurried, always gentle.

He settled in beside you, wrapping an arm around you, and you leaned into him, feeling the heat of his chest against your cheek. “Better?” he asked softly, fingers brushing through your hair in slow, comforting strokes.

“Yeah,” you whispered, your voice a bit rough. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” he murmured, his voice a soft anchor. “I’ve got you. You don’t need to be anyone or anything right now. Just relax.” He held you close, every gesture gentle and reassuring. A few stray tears escaped, but he just tucked you closer, his hand a steady presence on your back.

Time seemed to slow as you rested against him, his heartbeat steady beneath your ear. You felt his fingers tracing soothing patterns on your shoulder and down your arm, a touch that was comforting and steady. He was humming softly now, a tune you recognized from one of your late-night playlists, and the sound wrapped around you like a blanket.

After a while, Chris leaned back slightly to meet your eyes. “Want some water or anything?” he asked.

You nodded, and he slipped out of bed, only to return a moment later with a glass. “Here, take your time.” He stayed close as you drank, watching you with that familiar, caring gaze, never pressuring, only making sure you felt safe and comfortable.

Once you settled back into bed, he tucked the blankets around you both, making sure you were warm. “How are you feeling now?” he asked, brushing a thumb across your cheek, a quiet smile in his eyes.

“Good,” you said softly, meeting his gaze. “Really good.” His presence felt like everything you needed to feel secure again, and you felt a surge of gratitude for how gently he’d held you through it all.

He gave you a soft kiss on your forehead, whispering, “I’m here. Always.”

And with that, he wrapped his arms around you again, settling in beside you, letting the peace and closeness wash over you both. The rest of the world faded away, leaving only the warmth of his arms around you, holding you close through the night.

tag list: @stuwniolo, @sturnobsessedwh0re, @matts-myloverboy, @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut, @lizzymacdonald06, @asherrisrandom, @sturniolowhore69, @faith5drpepper, @emely9274, @psychologyloverfr, @lovetaylorrussellgrr, @conspiracy-ash

[syluslnd]

Hello ! May I request some angst 🥹 You and Sylus are fwb but you love him and later you catch sylus and mc having sex and you leave and he regrets it? Whether they get together or not up to you !

tags-angst no comfort,sylus pov,implied suicide

word count 1.8k

(note-if I went a little off script and you want me to rewrite pls lmk anon,when I get the creative freedom of an ending I always get so excited lol!🥹)

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

You’d spent weeks trying to gather the courage to finally tell Sylus how you felt. What started as a casual arrangement had turned into something far more intense for you, with every moment, every stolen glance and every word he spoke weaving tighter knots around your heart. Tonight was the night you planned to tell him everything, to lay it all out and see if he felt even a fraction of the same.

You rehearsed the words over and over in your head on the way to his office, holding onto a shaky hope that maybe he, too, had noticed the subtle shift between you. As you walked down the corridor, anticipation and anxiety blurred together, making your pulse quicken with every step.

But when you finally arrived and opened the door to his office, everything you’d imagined, everything you’d hoped, shattered in an instant.

Sylus was there but he wasn’t alone.

The scene before you was like a punch to the gut, one that left you breathless and frozen. He was with the very woman he’d once told you not to worry about, the so-called “hunter girl” and they were wrapped up in each other, utterly absorbed, not even registering your presence. It wasn’t the fact of him being with someone else that hurt—it was that he was with her, here, in a place that had once felt like it was partly yours, and he didn’t even look at you.

A cold wave of realization washed over you, tinged with humiliation and pain. You’d come here with a heart full of hope and he hadn’t even noticed.

When Sylus finally glanced your way, there was no apology in his eyes, no explanation, not even the courtesy of a break in his actions. He looked at you almost dismissively, a fleeting glance, as if you were nothing more than an inconvenience and then, with a coldness you never thought you’d see, he turned his attention back to her, ignoring you completely.

In that moment, you felt something break inside of you, a part of yourself you couldn’t repair. A thousand emotions flooded through you—anger, sadness, shame. The weight of unspoken words, of all the feelings you’d held back, now felt like a burden you could barely carry.

Stumbling backward, you couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. The realization that you meant so little to him, that he could simply disregard you like this, was a hurt that went deeper than words could express and as you left, the door closing softly behind you, you promised yourself you’d never let anyone make you feel this small, this inconsequential, again.

Sylus hadn’t planned for it to be this way. A part of him knew he was treading on dangerous ground the moment he let things go this far with the hunter girl, a lingering decision he could already feel weighing on his conscience. But he had convinced himself it was fine, that it didn’t mean anything—and most importantly, that you’d never find out.

But when he glanced up and saw you standing there, his heart sank.

The shock on your face, the confusion—it struck him in a way he wasn’t prepared for. He cursed internally. Of all days, why did it have to be today? Why did you have to see him like this, at his worst? A flicker of regret crossed his mind as he realized the full extent of what this would do to you. He could tell, even from a distance, that your heart was breaking in real-time.

For a split second, he wanted to call out, to explain, to reach for you. But guilt held him back, keeping him rooted in place. He’d never seen you look so vulnerable, so defeated and in his mind, he could already feel the words he’d rehearsed to you, the subtle hints he’d dropped over time—words that, he now realized, had only served to deepen your trust in him. That trust, something he had taken for granted, was slipping through his fingers.

When he looked away to continue the kiss and passion with that hunter woman, it wasn’t because he didn’t care; it was because he couldn’t bear to look at the pain in your eyes,he knew no matter what in this very moment he couldn’t possibly have the correct words to say.

It’s been a day since you’d walked in on him and yet, the scene keeps replaying haunting your mind. You hadn’t meant to purposely walk into his office unannounced; you’d only come by to tell him the truth—that maybe, just maybe, what you felt for him wasn’t so casual anymore. But the second you opened that door and saw him tangled with her, every thought, every word you had planned to say, fell silent.

The memory of it echoes in you. His indifference, the way he’d looked away when he finally noticed you standing there, stunned. He didn’t say a word, didn’t reach out. It was as if you were invisible.

You’d always told yourself you could handle this. You’d always told yourself that this was just a fling, something fleeting. But here you were, alone in your apartment, the reality settling in like a weight in your chest. You’d lost something in that room—something you’d never get back.

It feels like a betrayal, not just from him but from yourself. You’d let him into places in your heart that you’d sworn would stay locked. You’d shared things, vulnerable moments, pieces of yourself that you couldn’t take back. You’d given him everything—everything that mattered.

A soft, cold wind moves through the open window as you sit there, tears slipping down your cheeks. The city lights blur outside and somewhere in the haze of pain, you make a promise to yourself: no one would ever make you feel this small, this broken, again.

You reach for a pen, feeling the sharp tip against your skin as you press down, writing a reminder on your wrist. It’s a small vow but it feels like a lifeline. No one else will ever be given the power to hurt you this way. Not again. You’ll keep that vow to yourself, protecting your heart from the world outside.

The pen trembles slightly in your hand, heavier than it has ever felt before. But this is no ordinary pen; it's a relic of quiet promises and unspoken pains. Not just a tool for writing, it becomes an instrument, a bridge between the ache in your chest and the words you're too afraid to say out loud.

As you press it against your wrist, it's as if you're pouring everything unsaid into that red ink. The curve of each letter, the way it bites into your skin-it's a reminder, a vow you're making to yourself, a way to draw strength from this hurt. It's not just ink staining your skin; it's the permanence of a promise to guard what's left of your heart, a declaration that no one will be allowed to leave marks on your soul again.

The act is delicate yet deliberate, like the slow drag of the pen is creating a map of the pain you've endured, and perhaps the resilience that will follow. You feel the chill of the ink settling on your skin, mingling with the warmth of your blood beneath and the pain sharpens into clarity.

For the first time, in this quiet moment, you realize that the pen has become more than just a promise,It's a knife full of promises sinking into your skin;you’ll never hurt get hurt again from this world that once took so much without asking.

Sylus stares at his phone, frustration gnawing at him as he watches the screen flash with another unanswered call. He’s tried five times already but each time, the phone rings and rings, only to be met with silence. His fingers hover over the screen, ready to dial again, but his hesitation claws at him.

The image of your face keeps flashing in his mind. The look of shock, the raw pain in your eyes—it’s all he can see. It’s like a punch to the gut, one he can’t escape. He’s always been able to maintain control, to keep things casual but in that moment, when he saw the hurt in your eyes, the walls he’d so carefully built around his emotions shattered.

What the hell was he thinking? He thought he could keep things light, just a hook-up, no strings attached. But the guilt—God, it weighs on him like a hundred-pound anchor. He knows you never asked for anything more but the reality of how he treated you after everything—that—had started to gnaw at him. The hurt on your face, that unmistakable sting of betrayal, it’s all he can think about.

Sylus knows he’s not supposed to care. He’s supposed to be fine with this arrangement. But he’s not fine and it’s terrifying, because he’s never let anyone have that kind of effect on him before. But now, all he can feel is the burning ache in his chest, the overwhelming need to hear your voice, to apologize, to explain that he fucked up.

Why aren’t you answering?

He grits his teeth and stands up, pacing around the room, phone clutched in his hand as if it holds the key to fixing this mess.

He doesn’t know what happened. He thought he could just be selfish, just have you, keep you close in his life the way he wanted, without the mess of feelings. But you—you, with your eyes full of trust and warmth—somehow slipped past his defenses.

He needs you to hear him. He needs to tell you that he feels something more than what you agreed on. He just doesn’t know how. He’s never been one to show vulnerability, to let someone see how much they mean to him and yet, for some reason, when it comes to you, he knows he’s lying to himself.

Sighing heavily, he presses the phone to his ear again, dialing your number once more. The ringing sounds so much louder this time and with each ring, his frustration builds. Come on. Pick up. Please pick up.

But the call goes to voicemail and his shoulders slump in defeat. He leans back against the wall, staring at the phone in his hand, fingers curling around it tightly.

He can’t keep pretending this is okay. He can’t keep pretending it’s just physical. The feeling in his chest has become too strong and it’s not something he can ignore anymore.

His thumb hovers over the screen, typing a message that feels too raw, too honest to send. But he does it anyway.

“I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt you. Please just pick up the phone and let me explain”

The words feel insufficient, like nothing more than a weak attempt to fix everything that’s broken. But it’s all he can offer.

He throws the phone down on the couch, pacing again, this time with a much heavier heart. It’s the first time in a long while that Sylus feels like he’s lost control of the situation. And it terrifies him.

Now, all he can do is wait.

[yanderefarm]

tell emil you're bored of him and see what he does lol

alternatively, sneak out of the castle in the dead of night and never return

ON THAT THOUGHT, what would he do if you sleepwalk??? like maybe where you walk to reflects what you want to do but cant, for example sometimes it's to the library because you didnt get to read for like a week

i imagine emil would follow you a bit to see where you go to determine what he should do next day

and then one day it's just you trying to exit the castle, he finally open the door to see and you just walk further and further with no sign of stopping

he would panic so hard lol

i think if you were a really bad sleepwalker who kept trying to leave him he would tie you to the bed tbh. like you're not allowed to leave that's silly.

cw;; violence, yandere tendencies, gore, violence towards reader

pathetic emil step aside we have full yandere mode emil.

"im bored."

"im sorry what was that?"

"im bored. you're boring me."

emil lifted his head from his book and smiled at you a closed practiced smile.

"let me finish this page and i can find something to entertain you."

"no. i mean this is boring. us. you never let me leave, you only care about sex, and i don't have anyone to talk to."

emil's lips twitched.

"im sorry you feel-"

"i want to leave."

he put down his book completely and stared at you intensely. it was a gaze usually preserved for people he wanted dead.

"you don't mean that."

"yes i do."

you got up from the garden chair quickly followed by emil standing up.

"we can go somewhere else. we could go on a vacation. I'll hire you some approved friends."

"no. I've been thinking about this for a while. I'm telling you I'm leaving."

emil's hand came down on the table hard.

"no."

you could see his bright pink eyes darken as his face went blank. you weren't usually scared of your husband but you always knew you had reason to be. right now you certainly were. you tried to bolt for the entrance of the gazebo but all emil had to do was grab your arm with his inhuman strength and you couldn't move.

"emil it hurts..." you tried to whine pathetically but it didn't even reach his ears.

emil kicked you hard on the leg and you stumbled forward almost falling on the ground if not for him holding your arm up.

"i think you've had too much freedom. ive been too nice. i need to fix that."

"no- no- emil i was just joking! it was a joke!"

he looked truly intimidating, not even his signature sadistic smile on his terrifying features.

"you need to remember who loves you."

with his hand still holding your arm he stepped on your leg. you screamed in pain as he pulled your arm as leverage until your leg gave a sickening snap. but that wasn't enough as tears and pain overwhelmed your vision you felt him smash the broken bone with his foot. again. again. aga-

you lost consciousness due to the shock.

when you woke up you were in your shared bedroom but not on the large comfortable bed, instead you were laying on a dog bed with the most horrible pain in your leg while the other was chained to... a cage usually meant for monsters.

[gotskamstuff]

I am actually heartbroken right now, there’s no other way I have to describe it if not heartbreak and the thing is that I don’t even mean it because of the emotions evoked by the story, it’s actual pain by seeing my favorite show being ruined.

‘Cause I’m sorry but the show is forever ruined for me and I won’t be able to look at it with the same eyes ever again. I’ve said it once before when we were discussing rumors and I’ll say it once again now that we have seen it become a reality…this to me goes behind JJ being a fan favorite and even behind the ship, this is genuinely something that made me lose trust in the storytelling and in the core that’s this show.

This makes no sense, ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE.

Once again I’ll repeat it, I’m no snowflakes when it comes to characters death in shows (hello? Game of thrones fan here? I suffered like a dog) but damn, there’s gotta be a sense for a character dying and there’s absolutely none here, this is also not the type of show when it would be needed.

I’ve always said it and a character like JJ could’ve ended only in ONE WAY to give justice to him and to his story: LIVING HIS FUTURE.

When I say this ruins how I view the show and my trust in the storytelling I mean it with my whole chest, this has ruined JJ’s story from season 1 episode 1 “The Pilot” to this day, JJ’s ENTIRE story doesn’t mean anything anymore…what was the reason for all this? JJ’s story has always revolved around him never believing to have a righteous future in store for him, never believing he could have something good for himself and you get the idea, his whole story arc was about him never seeing anything for him…and he doesn’t? HE ACTUALLY DOESN’T HAVE A FUTURE? What was the point? What was the poiny of seeing JJ struggling from day 1? What was the point of exploring his insecurities? What was the point of seeing him falling in love? This is what I find the most heartbreaking, if I put season 1 episode 1 on right now and I see JJ on my screen, the first thing that comes to mind is: What was the point of any of this? If he never overcame his struggles and still didn’t get closure with Luke? If he died still believing only a episode earlier that he still didn’t have a future for him? If he still struggled to accept the love and never overcame his insecurities? If he never got that future he dreamed about? (which yeah ok he got for like what? 5 minutes of screentime) …what was the point in JJ’s entire story if he never got to prove himself wrong?

The only right way a character like JJ could’ve seen his story end with dignity would’ve literally been living that future he was sure he’d never have: have a house, a job, a family, HAVE KIDS, grow old not being a drunk in prison. And they killed him TWICE in my opinion, physically and also morally by making him die not being himself and still with all that anger and fear inside him and without his story ever finding closure.

None of this does justice to JJ’s story and his arc.

This is honestly what I can’t wrapped my head around, the reason why JJ was a fan favorite was not casual…it was because of his story, when we say “we watch for JJ” is because he’s one of those characters in a show that you’re rooting for, that you wanna see defeat the odds and get the ending his heart deserves…and I’m sorry to the writers because unintentionally they made him the protagonist just as much as John B if not even more at times. When we say there’s no excitement to watch the show now this is the reason: what’s there to root for if we were rooting for their better future and this was the whole story SINCE SEASON ONE?

I had big hopes for this season and I actually enjoyed part 1 but wow was I let down, this ending just killed the entire show for me…there’s no sense in this.

I know I’m repeating myself now but I can’t stress this enough, it destroyed the show ‘cause it ruined the entire purpose of the story. Looking back now nothing about JJ’s story was worth the pain and suffering he went through and looking forward what’s there to say anymore? They’re gonna go hunt for this crown and get rich? Ok, wasn’t the whole moral of the story about the real treasure being their found family?

I loved this show since April 2020 and I would’ve gladly watched it for YEARS AND YEARS ON, but wow I would’ve rather seen it end in the trilogy or with this season with a different ending, leaving a good memory.

I’m not gonna lie…I knew this was gonna happen, I tried to not trust the rumors and I tried to think rationally but when Rudy and the producer unfollowed each other, when Rudy didn’t share anything about S5, when in part the whole story was building around the Pouges being mad at JJ and not saying “I love you back” I kinda figured AND STILL I was hoping to be wrong and I was hoping to be pleasantly surprised ‘cause I knew how bitter it would’ve left me.

And I mean it, I’m heartbroken AND MAD. The story totally ruined.

And can I get this straight, everyone is already jumping on Rudy’s ass ‘cause yeah let’s be real, he probably was done with the show and and all that jazz and it’s not cool at all, but IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME…actors ask to leave shows all the time and in the end it’s still the writers call to decide how to make it happen, there are tons of different ways to write a character off ESPECIALLY A CHARACTER LIKE JJ, who always had that element of spontaneous take outs and with the blank paga that they had with the “surf trip”. There’s only ONE season left, I don’t think that Rudy would’ve refused if asked “hey of we can work around this, how about 5 minutes of screen time in the final episode?”…an open ending for his character that left the audience wonder “what’s JJ doing around the world?” “Where did he go?” would’ve been much more dignified for his story. In the end if they put a definitive ending to him and it was THEIR decision.

I’m actually devastated and I know it sounds exaggerated but this to me has also ruined the entire Jiara community as well…like what do we have left?

There was still so much they had left to their own story, KIARA’S STORY!! What was the point for her to fight so hard for him? to lose everything for him and get what in the end? TO HAVE HER WHOLE STORY REVOLVE AROUND HIM (‘cause that’s exactly what they did this season)? What a waste.

And it makes me incredibly sad ‘cause it has ruined all my excitement towards this part of the fandom that we built a community around…waht do we do with Jiara now? There was still so much I wanted to write for them in fictions and wanted to read from others but this has for the moment completely ruined my motivation to write for them and to even read their ff, knowing their story in canon ended and ended tragically, there’s nothing for their future. This is what I find so sad, there was left NOTHING to the imagination, nothing to let us wonder about their future.

This story ended today and I’ll never be able to look at it the same IF I’LL look at it. What’s the point of a story moving forward if the thing people were rooting for is gone? What are we rooting for if the Pogues are dead and the family is done? ‘Cause yeah, JJ was the core of the Pogues.

I find hard to believe that season 1 and 2 are the same show from season 3 and 4. The writing killed the show for good.

I hope WITH ALL MY HEART that I’ll be able to find back my excitement for my favorite show once again and that I’ll still be able to enjoy Jiara’s content again but I really find it impossible now.

I would’ve never thought that OBX, that show I watched in 2020 with genuine admiration for its story and way of portraying it could’ve been ruined like this. 💔

[euphoric-rambles]

I want to comment as someone who got a hysterectomy at 33 (and am now 35).

Why did I do it?

I was diagnosed at 26 with a rare form of uterine pre-cancer called Atypical Polyploid Adenoma (APA) and had recurrent tumors in my uterus with some transformation of the cells indicating a chance of high malignancy. Meaning there was a higher chance that I could develop an aggressive form of uterine cancer. Over the course of almost a decade, I visited my gynecologist, oncologist, and GP several times a year. I had annual transvaginal ultrasounds (where a wand is shoved inside your vagina to take pictures of your uterus and ovaries) along with several D/Cs. A D/C is where a doctor shaves a section of the impacted uterine tissue with a laser--think Darth Vader lasering out your uterus.

I also had several biopsies of my uterus taken. Uterine biopsies are some of the most targeted pain I have ever felt. The doctor has to open your cervix to get into the uterus. This is often completed while the patient is awake and without any pain relief. After my first one I was crying so hard my oncologist was concerned I might be having a panic attack.

Could you have just had D/Cs for the rest of your fertility?

I could have, but the stress, anxiety, and pain was getting to me. As any patient with cancer will tell you, the anxiety is excruciating. I also had serious conversations with my oncologist about the likelihood that I could get pregnant (many of my tumors grew on my fundus, where an egg would implant) and the chance that the hormonal changes could trigger that transformation into cancer. To me, it wasn't worth the risk. That may not be true of other patients.

What was the prep like?

I went through an oncology department so my prep was to fill in many, many legal documents that said I understood that my fertility would be gone and could not come back. Otherwise I faced no pushback from my surgical team.

The prep for the surgery was the same as is for any other same day procedure. No food after midnight, bath with unscented soap.

What does a hysterectomy feel like?

You're under general anesthesia so, at the time nothing. I elected to have laparoscopic surgery and my surgeon used a DaVinci robot. Which, is SO FUCKING COOL. They asked as they were wheeling me in if I had questions and I was like !!! YES I want to know more about the robot. There is an option to have a vaginal hysterectomy where the uterus is pulled through an incision in the vagina.

What's recovery like? Do you have scars?

I'm not going to lie, the first day or so was pretty awful. I had trouble walking and getting up and down off the toilet. My boyfriend had to help get me with a lot of basic functions. But after the first week, I was fine.

I was also pretty bloated following surgery as they inflate the area with air. Be open with anyone in your home, you're going to fart for a bit. Depending on which pain meds you receive (again, I went through oncology, I was given Percocet) you may be constipated which HURTS if you push after surgery.

I do have four tiny scars that are the length of my pinky nail. After two years, one has basically disappeared and one is in my belly button. I've explained the remaining scars away as falling as a child and people believe it.

Do you regret having a hysterectomy?

Again, my reasoning for doing this was not political but the answer is no. I categorically do not regret the surgery at all. When I woke up I sobbed that I was free and that it was over. I suffered for almost a decade and have never been happier.

Do you still get a period?

I do but not in the sense that I bleed. Again no uterus. But I do get a 'period' where I get cramps and moody. My hormones are still firing but often misfire, like I get bladder cramps (thanks Prostaglandins) because the hormones are looking for my uterus, thus I also get period diarrhea. There's a fun video from gross science that covers period poops. I do not have the period weight gain or acne that I had when I was menstruating. But that's my experience, I'm curious what others have experienced.

My hormones function normally because I still have my ovaries.

Do you have any other side effects?

I had my cervix removed as well and that is partially responsible for my ability to get wet during sex. I can still get wet but it is a little different. Climaxing also feels different, almost muted sometimes, which sucks. But I can still climax, I've just had to work differently with my partner.

I also did not have any post surgical complications but I know two other folks who had hystos and one had trouble urinating right after and needed a catheter for about a week.

What else do I want you to know?

I need you to understand that a full hysterectomy means you cannot and can never get pregnant. There is no way to take eggs from you and this cannot be reversed. Do not be mistaken--this IS permanent sterilization.

I am not stating this to scare you but to make sure you understand there is no going back. I think at this very political moment anxiety is SO high but please really assess whether or not you ever want biological children. If you do not that's ok, and a hysterectomy might be an option for you. Others have suggested other options which as also permanent sterilization techniques.

My ask box is always open for questions on hysterectomies. Make an informed decision and surround yourself with folks who love you.

if you're looking for a sign to get the hysterectomy, get it. if you are wondering if you will feel freer, less burdened, more optimistic, lighter without your uterus, you will. if you simply want to never get periods again, get the hysterectomy. if you want to have sex with a different person every day forever and never worry about getting pregnant, get the hysterectomy. if you don't know whether or not you want to stay on hormones, get the hysterectomy anyway. if you're afraid you're too young, and that people will judge you, get it anyway. you don't have to live in a hostile body. you are the one who gets to decide what it will and will not do.

[heavypressure]

I'm very familiar with constipation, even week-long clogs are a usual occurrence to me. By the end of such week I'm already used to the heavy amount of waste and churning gases in my swollen guts, but it usually ends there with me finally being able to go to the bathroom and empty my bowels, my belly shrinking back to it's normal size. But not this time... I don't know what exactly caused it, but it's been 9 days since my last successful unloading.

I'm sitting in my cubicle at work, my thoughts fixated on my abnormally full middle. My belly looked 7 months pregnant at this point, so tightly packed with waste, gas and food that there was almost no movement inside. Surprisingly, it didn't hurt either so far, just heavy discomfort from all of the weight pulling my belly down, and extreme bloating that began from the fermenting waste deep in my lower intestines.

I gave up on buttoning up my pants a few days ago, forced to expose my lower belly, which was the most round and tight part so far Embarrassed, i decided that i need to take action, but was scared of taking laxatives right away, with blockage that big i was afraid i will literally burst..

I'm probably just not getting enough fiber, so I'm gonna fix it today, and this situation will be finally over!

I came home from work and started working on several smoothies and salads, making sure to add prunes to everything. I figured just one drink wouldn't be enough, so i needed to cram another big meal in my already overfilled stomach... Burping loudly, i chugged another prune smoothie, my poor guts stretching painfully this time. I moaned and rubbed my rock-hard belly, telling myself to hold on just a little bit more. After finishing my meal, i slowly waddled to the bed, exhausted from the painful stuffing, but hopeful that my plan will work.

I was awoken in the middle of the night by a dull pain in my guts. I opened my eyes, and was instantly horrified: my belly looked ready to burst, even rounder than it was before i went to bed, gas roaring loud inside my clogged guts and sending vibrations through my whole body... Well, it seems my fiber idea worked?...

I got up and a loud BBWOOUURRP was forced oit of my mouth uncontrollably, releasing just a tiniest bit of the pressure inside. I waddled to the bathroom and plopped on the toilet, gently rubbing my enormously stretched gut and observing the damage that was done to it over a week ... Oh god, i could see some stretch marks formed near my belly button, how embarrassing... But this is finally going to be over now,...right?

I sat on the toilet for over an hour, listening to my bubbling cauldron of a stomach, trying to push anything i could out, but .. nothing came out but a few tiny (but very rancid) farts... The bubbling soon stopped, and i was left with an even bigger stomach than i had before... Now i had all of the gas that formed from my huge fibre meal stuck inside of my intestines, unable to find it's way out and only bloating me further. I got up and immediately felt every single gas bubble inside, gas cramps shooting through my whole body... Great, i only made everything worse... I waddled to bed again, maybe my belly just needs more time?... Hopefully the next morning things will finally get going....

I woke up feeling like a blimp. Thankfully it seems my belly hasn't gotten any bigger, but it definitely hasn't gotten any smaller too. Over this night i managed to go from looking 7mo pregnant to looking slightly overdue. Thankfully the pain died down significantly, and the noises occured only if i made some sudden movements

Unfortunately i still had to go to work, abd there was no way I'd fit in my regular work trousers this time... I looked around for some old sweatpants, embarrassing and slobby choice, but still better than going out naked

I could feel the mass inside my belly jiggle and grumble with every step i took, but i hoped that maybe agitating my belly more would help it.

I was definitely getting some weird looks at work, some people asking what happened to me. I was too embarrassed to answer that I'm just overfilled with gas and shit, so i tried to change the topic and get back to work so the day would go by faster.

Even i was overwhelmingly full, i still felt intense hunger after not eating anything for the whole day at work.... I was thinking that maybe I shouldn't eat until i deal with my massive constipation, but thought that a small quick snack wouldn't hurt...

While eating a cheeseburger and washing it down with coke, i decided that i should finally try a laxative, no matter how much it scared me.

It was embarrassing, asking for the strongest laxative at the pharmacy, while my balloon of a gut was hanging out for all to see, probably telling the whole story.

I got home and downed several pills instantly, not even reading the instructions. I tried to relax while i waited for the laxative to work.

After an hour, it finally kicked in .. The intense bubbling in my stomach could be heard throughout the whole room, and i felt my guts inflating once more. I went to the bathroom,sat there and massaged my tight gut, letting out a few rancid burps and farts. This gave me hope, finally I'll be back to my normal self!.. I could feel the diarrhea bubbling with gas in my bowels, my stomach roaring with needing to be finally emptied... I pushed and pushed, but the enormous rock-hard log in my ass just wouldn't budge, only allowing for small farts to slip out... i was desperate, it can't be all in vain! I clutched my belly and continued to push, belly still bubbling with gas, but not getting any smaller..

After it seems like two hours with no results, the movement in my belly began to calm down , seemingly ending my chance to let anything out... I was exhausted, my distended middle only seeming even bigger than before... What can i do now?.. am i doomed to bloat and swell further and further?

I waddled to bed again, noticing that i got used to the gas pains, and it didn't bother me that much... My stomach was so swollen, but at the same time, i couldn't deny that it felt somewhat good... Feeling such heaviness, being inflated from the inside, with no way out of this predicament.

One thing that laxatives also do, is they make me really hungry. And i got a day off tomorrow, so ....

One month later....

--GHHHUUOORRRP - Day 29 of my week-off! It feels so good to relax at home, even though i soon need to get back to work.... somehow

Empty paper fast-food bags and wrappers cover the whole floor of my living room. I sit on the couch in the middle, but you can barely see me behind the huge sphere of flesh that's covered with sweat and stretch marks. By the look of an outie belly button, you can guess that this is what became of my belly... My sides are bulging with build-up gas, all that i can feel inside is immense pressure and heaviness from the weeks-worth of food that i crammed inside of my guts. My clothes are of course long gone by now...

Turns out, being constipated for month and a half isn't as bad as it seems to be ...

[onim5]

Invicible Pain

Portgas D. Ace x reader

Warnings: Emotional pain. Swear word.

I believe this is fluff and a little angst.

Gender is never mentioned.

------------------------------------------

"If Gold Roger had a kid, we kill him."

"It be a demon child, we would have the marines execute him, immediately."

"Ha! The Marines made sure no such brat existed."

"The last thing we need is another monster."

"Such a brat doesn't deserve to live."

Boink!

"Aw, frick. What was that for?!" Ace asks, frustrated, looking at you and the book you hit him with.

Boink!

"Hey, stop that!" Ace demands. Holding up his hands so he be ready to defend himself.

"No, not until you stop being stupid." You growl, trying to hit him again with the book.

"The hell did I do now?" Ace whines. He hadn't stolen your food. . . . . yet, and when he does, you don't get this mad. Did he perhaps forget something important?

Boink!

"Oh, come on! At least tell me." Ace hiss.

"You know what you're doing!" You yelled. . . . . Ace looked at you in shock. This was the first time you were actually mad at him, and you yelled. . . . Ace felt how he tensed up. He must have messed up badly, but with what?!

"Y/n, I am really sorry for what I did, and I promise to never do it again."

Boink!

Ace's stomach felt like a heavy bag filled with stones. Whatever he did, he deserves this. He deserves death. . . .

"Now you're doing it again!" You yell, hugging him instead.

"Stop, . . . . Just stop with the self-hatred." You plea, hugging him tight. Ace felt blank. . . . . He didn't move. He couldn't.

"Ace? . . ." You call out as your eyes tried to make contact with his. All you found, though, was an empty space. His gaze was somewhere else internally. He looked hollow, but you knew he was full. Full of emotions others had given and created to him. Emotions he himself had stabilized brick by brick.

Ace eyes finally reached yours, his arms hesitatantly started hugging you back. But he didn't say anything. It was the first time someone had said it out to him. That someone had pointed it out. . . . . He wants to deny it, but he can't.

"How did you know?" Ace whispers, his voice barely adiuoable. You could feel his nails dig into you in a desperate way. He was longing for support but never showed or told anyone he needed it.

"I, I can tell. You get that dark gaze on your expression. Ace, I can feel your invisible pain. It's in your aura." You answer, hugging him more gently, more lovingly.

"I'm see-through? Like glass?" He stutters, a feeling of pathetic and failure dawning on him.

"No, you're not. Your really fucking hard to see through. You're solid with hundreds of walls. But, there's small cracks . . . . And, and I know that there's a door. Please, Ace, let me in."

And that's what he did. In his room, on his bed, he laid a little spoon in your lap. Your fingers caressing his hair with so much care and love? Listening to his story. You never gave him a reaction, just patiently sat and patted him. And so, he accidentally told you everything. About who he was and what he have become.

"I'm a monster." He murrmur, his voice broken and bitter. You didn't say anything, but your hands went to his cheeks and rubbed them gently. Ace can't stop the overwhelming feelings inside. He couldn't stop the quiet tears of pain that covered your loving hands. He couldn't stop . . . . . Finally, he tried to break out of your touch, but both you and a huge part of him stopped it.

"Why, why are you doing this? Why aren't you judging me? I'm a crying man. It's pathetic." He scoffs, once more trying to break out of your touch and love.

"Because your words have been mostly lies. Either your own or someone else's. You're a man, but also a human. you're allowed to cry. It is simply natural." You state, trapping his body in a hug.

"What do you mean?" He asks, his large hand grabbing yours.

"People's feelings have created lies, lies that have reached your ears. Their fear for Roger, a man most actually never met. Has created lies and opinions about you. And you have slowly started agreeing and building up these lies within you. It's time for you to start taking down that huge wall. I don't care if it has to be done brick by brick. Do you know why?" Ace shakes his head, his eyes looking at you.

"Because I love you."

-------------------------------

This was inspired by @captainportgasdace. Thank you. - onim5

Masterlist

[lafaiette]

The level of disappointment I feel for the new dragon age game is just so consuming. Like I'll admit that after so many years, I didn't think it would hold true to what the previous game set up. But I hate that I was right, and I hate that a game series I loved so much sas turned into what it is now. I didn't buy it at launch because I wanted to wait for a sale, but with all that I'm hearing I'm wondering if it's even worth it. I'm just so sad for how this all went and I wish it hadn't happened. It even makes replaying the old games feel like scorched earth because nothing I do will have an effect on anything. It never mattered. The game that said my choices matter has now said "actually you never mattered" and I'm so heartbroken about it.

It even makes replaying the old games feel like scorched earth because nothing I do will have an effect on anything. It never mattered. The game that said my choices matter has now said "actually you never mattered" and I'm so heartbroken about it.

This is also one of the most painful parts for me, together with the way they handled - or ignored - a majority of the established lore.

In Veilguard, we learn that the majority of the South is basically gone: Denerim is lost, Redcliffe is under siege, getting help from the dwarves of Orzammar, who are already stretched thin. The ruler of Ferelden is never addressed - what happened to them? Are they still alive? Are they defending Redcliffe? We'll never know.

Orlais is also lost. Val Royeaux and Halamshiral are barely holding on, and a noble faction decided (for some stupid reason) to join the Venatori and spread even more chaos. The ruler of Orlais is never addressed - are they dead? Did the rebel nobility kill them? What happened to Briala's elves? We'll never know.

Kirkwall has fallen, and Aveline has been forced to evacuate the city and move the few survivors to Starkhaven. We know that Varric is dead, so Aveline or someone else will have to take his place, if Kirkwall can even be recovered (doubtful at this point).

The Blight is back in Ostagar and the Korcari Wilds, too, with only some Avvar and Alamarri clans keeping things under control while in a temporary truce with Ferelden.

Everything we ever accomplished in DA:O, DA2, and DA:I is gone. They turned the South into a blank state so they can leave it there, ignoring it, now that the focus will be on Those Across the Sea, as the secret ending slide shows. This blank state will also allow them to return to the South, should they ever wish to, but without the need to take into account the players' past choices, because everything we knew, everything we built and fought for, is gone.

"Oh, Ferelden changed so much in the last twenty years or so, ever since that terrible Blight caused by the elven gods!"

"Orlais isn't the same anymore, there is another civil war because we lost our previous ruler. Who was it? Oh, I don't know, I wasn't born yet, I couldn't care less."

"Pity about Kirkwall. I heard it was a shithole, but the beer at the Hanged Man was apparently pretty good."

^ This is what we will get in the future.

[casurlaub]

There's no way of knowing for sure but I think it's an interesting question to discuss...

I assume that you'd need to recognize your fear on some level for the Boggart to represent it... We see a lot of pretty 'childish' (not meaning this in a condescending way) fears displayed in PoA when they have that Boggart lesson... Not so many dead bodies or even abstract fears (like being lonely), as you would expect from adults. And it all makes sense because they are children but you simply can not tell me that Hermione's greatest fear really was McGonagall telling her she'd failed all her classes. Of course fear of failure is a valid fear (all fears are valid?) and believe me, I can relate, but with everything they had gone through already? Also... Remus asking them to take a moment to consider their greatest fears implies to me it's something you're aware of on some level.

So... What is/was Remus aware of?

The moon obviously is a very obvious choice - from a young age on its there, it's visible, it's easy to blame for him reliving excruciating pain and fear (and lose of self-control) every month.

And when we see him facing his Boggart, it's indeed the moon. Not being shunned by other wizards, not side-effects of lycanthrooy but the moon. Of course it's a symbol for his lycanthropy but as it's the full moon it's obviously linked to the transformation into a werewolf. That's what he is most afraid of. But which part? The pain? The lose of self-control? Reliving trauma? All of it?

It's interesting to note that the moon is Remus' Boggart even in a time in which he had access to Wolfsbane (PoA) which means in a time in which he did not experience lose of control (of course it's a possibility that by then it's been ingrained into his mind so there was no simple 'rebooting' it). So maybe it's not the self-control thing? And if it's not and the pain has always been there, does that mean it's always been the moon?

I don't know if it's as easy as that... Because in PoA Remus misses classes for days because of the moon, Wolfsbane and all. We don't know for sure how it has been when he went to school but I personally don't think he was out for that long. Because I can not imagine that no one except for Snape picked up on his absence if he missed days and days every (other) month. But also because of Sirius' (insensitive) 'wish it was full moon' comment. Yes, Sirius can be cruel but I can not imagine him making such a comment if Remus spent a considerable amount in the hospital wing every month. No, we're led to believe the full moons were fun, adventures. Remus tells us so himself and calls them the best times of his life? Now he is obviously lying a bit (because the transformations were still painful even though he now had company and didn't hurt himself anymore and I do believe he was playing it down out of gratitude and guilt towards his friends.. along the lines of 'they already became animagi for me, don't complain about feeling sick now') but isn't there a bit of truth in there still?

So the full moons obviously were still painful but he has company, roamed the grounds with his friends and didn't need as long to bounce back? Is that enough to assume the moon wasn't his Boggart at least through a few 'happy' years?

I honestly don't know. I can see him having a different Boggart in that short period of time between them becoming animagi and the war picking up... I can see it being something about abandonment (which is also the reason he did never say something about them bullying Snape?). And I think it's safe to assume he was aware of that fear (the Snape thing, him looking grateful in that photo on Sirius' walls, his behaviour as an adult even when he continues to defend them..) But I don't know if it's about losing people in the sense of them dying...

His Boggart is still the moon in OotP when he yet again had someone to lose (if not Harry then Sirius - old friends and all..). But maybe by OotP he has realised that he could survive on his own, that, while it wasn't pleasant, he didn't need his friends.

I can also see his Boggart changing after Teddy was born (or, before Teddy was born that he had infected Teddy with lycanthrooy - actually I think that Boggart is very likely), but that is also just speculation.

Long story short: I don't know but I find it interesting to explore and I think there's enough ground to argue in different directions. But I do think as a teenager/young adult it's less about losing his loved ones than his own deep-rooted abandonment fear (being worthless...)

Was Remus' boggart always the moon, or did it only become that when he no longer had to fear losing everyone he loved?

[lantur]

I've been quietly processing and reflecting all day. There's a lot of grief for the future that the nation could have had, grief and anger for the reality of what the majority of the American people wanted, and worry for the future, on so many different levels.

I wrote yesterday about what it meant for me, as a person, to vote for Kamala Harris, after my experience with racism as a child and teenager. In light of that, the loss feels even more personal and devastating to me than it did when Hillary lost. It's too painful on a deep emotional level to talk about properly.

The one thought I had earlier today that made a lasting impression on me is the importance of art. I went to the gym this morning and listened to Eminem while I worked out. I've listened to his music for the past ~20+ years. It's been there for me during every period of stress and pain and anguish in my life, and in 2022-2023, when I felt crushed by grief and when I felt like I was breaking apart, mind and body.

I listened to this music that means and meant so much to me today and I was so comforted. For an hour, I didn't have grief, fear, anger, or uncertainty, I just had me and the music that I love.

I hope that we can all find comfort when we need it most, in the music, art, writing, video games, podfics, podcasts, visual medias, that we love. I'm grateful to the creators that put their heart and soul, their time and effort and energy, into the art that comforts us during the darkest of times.

[bibibbon]

Need to get something off my chest

People in the fandom blaming Nana for causing Shigaraki to be abused and all the suffering the Shimura family went through as well as calling her decision to abandon Kotaro stupid is if someone blamed all the abuse and horrible actions of Enji that the Todoroki family had to suffer through on Enji's deceased father.

Specifically people appear to zone in on Nana's call to not have All Might or Gran Torino check in with her family when it makes sense. She knows AFO has eyes and ears everywhere and will use that to kill those closest to her and those around her as we know since Nana's husband is dead by the time Kotaro is given up for adoption and All Might leaves Japan for the US in order to avoid AFO for that same reason. There is also no way for Nana to know that her successor would wind up as the strongest wielder of One For All and would be the first person to take down All For One.

I'm not sure if you were in the mha critical side of tumblr, but this is a very common opinion here. Nana deserved better, and none of the nana hate honestly made sense.

People shouldn't blame nana for doing what she could to protect her child. She explicitly said that she had done it to protect him, and she didn't willingly want to give up her child. The act wasn't done out of malice but was done out of love. Her husband was dead, and all for one was on her tail. She had to train all Might, and there was no safe choice to keep kotaro. It was a hundred times safer to make a distance between her and kotaro so he could live without the burden of his mother's duties on top of him caring or threatening to cause him constant harm.

Nana tried her best as a mother, and we didn't talk enough about it. She, at the beginning, was probably the breadwinner of the family, her job making it so that she had limited time with her son, yet from the flashbacks we see that kotaro loved his mother dearly. He loved her that child him simply cried and cried when she was about to leave, he loved her to the point that he kept her picture acknowledging that she was his mother yet despising that she left him all alone. His hatred of nana stems mainly from feelings of sadness and betrayal, which only exist because he loved his mother and felt safe when she was near.

I suppose we don't talk about the fact that after nana's husband died and she became a widow she had to juggle all the responsibilities of being a weirder of OFA, a mother who had to be constantly active in her child's life and a hero who had to save others while also ensuring that she earned enough money to keep her son comfortable.

I headcanon that at the time nana was never a good cook and that it was her husband that usually cooked for the family but when he died she had to take on the cooking duties which was a struggle but we see her actively trying even including her son in the process.

Giving up kotaro was the most logical circumstance, and I stand by that. I think to a certain extent, kotaro realises that too, and it's exactly why he doesn't blame his mother but blames her job he blames the hero, not his mother. To me, it evidently seems like kotaro separates nana into two different versions : the hero and his mother.

If we follow that belief, it's exactly why the only photo that kotaro has with his mother is so painful. Every time he sees that photo he in a way, is forced to acknowledge that both versions of nana are his mother. The photo shows his mother, but it shows her in her hero attire she is the 7th weirder of ofa in that picture not his mother but the mannerisms, the way she smiles and looks at him is that of a mother's look.

A haunting picture for kotaro. A picture of a mother's love.

Comparisons between enji and nana fall on deaf ears especially when you look at the circumstances and situations that both characters are faced with.

Enji DOESN'T love his children, his actions were out of malice, greed and desire to be great. He sacrificed family for greatness.

Nana LOVED her child. Her actions had a desire to protect, love, and care for her only family, her only offspring. A beautiful light in the world that she doesn't want destroyed by AFO. She had no choosing as I bet if she truly had the choice. She would do anything to love, protect, and be with her child. In a dreadful situation, nana chose the only way to guarantee kotaros safety.

[cosmicjoke]

I wanted to add on to my initial answer to the anon ask I just got about Isayama confirming that the Ackermans lost their powers with the end of the titan curse.

I was talking to a mutual recently about this, and they said something that I think is so true, that it's actually such a positive, that Levi no longer has his Ackerman powers, because in truth, his strength was always such a burden to him. I think there was a lot of pain and a sense of guilt and failure in Levi that was rooted in his strength, for the fact that, despite it, he still lost so many people he loved. I think Levi must have often felt like he either wasn't using his strength well enough, or that he simply wasn't strong enough, for it to make a difference. Again, the reason Levi felt so compelled to use his strength to help others in the first place wasn't because of the strength itself, but because of his innate compassion and empathy. This mutual of mine also said that the ways in which Levi is able to help now, like handing out candy to children and planting trees, etc... is better for him, because it's more reflective of who he actually is inside, and that also is so true.

I've long maintained that Levi was never naturally inclined toward violence. I think Isayama intentionally contrasted Levi's story in "Bad Boy", the story of how his Ackerman powers awakened, with the panels of Eren killing Mikasa's kidnappers. Eren was always naturally inclined toward violence, and that's reflected in how really effortlessly he instigates and attacks Mikasa's kidnappers, how he had such a well-thought-out plan going in of how to kill them, etc... When you contrast that with Levi and his "plan" to retrieve his mother's tea set, it's really stark, because Levi went in without any sort of idea of how to fight back, of how to retrieve his mother's tea set, and when he was attacked, he didn't even fight back until they started insulting his mother, and even then, his initial attempts were totally ineffectual.

Levi was never a violent person, or someone who reveled in violence. He was only forced into becoming violent because of the desperate circumstances of his life. And that really highlights the tragedy of Levi being made into a human weapon, even if it was for a good cause. His Ackerman powers put him in a position that went against his very nature, in my view, for how they forged him into a living weapon. Because he felt he had to use them to help people, and the most effective way to do so with his strength was through physical brutality. But that was never who Levi was or is. He's a kind and compassionate man who cares deeply for other people. I think, deep down, Levi has always been a gentle person.

And that also brings up another point which I've argued again and again. We aren't meant to morally condemn Levi for being violent, we're meant to morally condemn the circumstances and the injustices of the world that forced Levi and every other character in the story into such extremes. When I see people accusing Levi of being "morally grey" or "morally wrong" for killing, it makes me want to rip my hair out. It absolutely destroys me that these people don't see the actual cruelty of judging and condemning someone for failing to be a pacifist when pacifism would get either them or other people killed. That they miss this crucially important distinction in AoT destroys me, too. AoT was never telling its audience that the people committing acts of violence should be condemned or judged for it. It was telling its audience that the unfair and unjust circumstances that pushed them into a corner and left them with no choice but to be violent is what we should be condemning. And I think no other character better demonstrates the tragedy of that than Levi, again, for how the cruelty and unfairness of his life forced him into becoming something he never was.

So, yeah, in many ways, Levi losing his strength is a blessing, because it allows him to be who he really is. His strength only ever forced him into embodying this role that wasn't reflective of his true nature. A "lunatic that kills people", as he said. Who Levi really is, is the man we see at the end of the anime, handing out candy to children. The same as in the many moments throughout the story that show Levi's great compassion, like him giving Petra's patch to Ivan, him comforting a dying soldier, him helping Historia to bring the orphans from Underground to the surface, him saving Ramzi, etc, etc...

[lilvanillamb]

Thinking about after life.

Attention: this blog talks about funeral and death in general, pls skip if this trigger you somehow.

It's crazy how this year I went to 3 funerals, 2 of them in the same week and from all of them, the closest person was my neighbor. This makes me think about death a lot and how I see death differently than others. I like it, shows how peaceful death can be.

I don’t suffer, I suffer from people's suffering that is what makes me sad and cry. Death is - in fact - inevitable and another part of life, just like birth or birthdays, It can be beautiful.

The pain of the grieving process is because you miss someone, but I see us and nature as one so when someone dies, in my mind, they don’t just vanish; they become what the people liked the most. Like me, for example: when I die, every time you see a cat, I'm part of that cat, every time you listen to BTS, I'm part of that feeling.

Our bodies and skin are what separate the actual essence from the rest, but it is as delicate as everything. The physical returns to the earth and becomes one along with the soul. That's why I told my mama if I die while she’s alive, I don’t want a boring funeral, I want colors, I want BTS in the background, I want a cake, I want a celebration because I see it as a different type of birthday—just another step in life. I want barbecue, I want a pool, I want things that I liked while I was alive because I don’t want to be remembered with pity but with happiness.

I thank my mommy a lot for that type of feeling and point of view, makes me strong to support my loved ones in such a delicate moment.

[merbear25]

Hello ! I hope you're doing well <3 Spookie season almost reachs his end, i hope you'll have a nice halloween night !

Again here to request something for our dear Mad scientist. Something special ~ We all know Caesar is a freak, but his how deep is his loves for death, pain and chemical warfare ? How much does it affect him... May I request a NSFW fanfic of him, sharing a pleasant moment with one of his colleague or assistant ( a x.reader fem ) : Testing the new formula of his latest deadly creation on a subject behind the protective glass of his private lab. The moans of pain and cries of agony lasting for long minutes being a sweet lullaby to his ears. And sharing this with the woman at his side was driving him insane to the point he couldn't hide the depth of his excitement. It could be a established or unestablished relationship. Maybe a x.reader not as innocent or submissive as usual ~ This idea was clearly based on the scenes where he describe his experimentation, like the one with KX launcher, or Koro gas ~

Art by me on @ask-caesarclown-shurororo

I'm always down to write darker themes, so thanks for sending this in. I hope you like it💜💜

Gasps for air, bursting flesh, and the pleading look of panic left him in glee. The flush on his cheeks complimented the heat rising within him as he squirmed and shifted with excitement. Such glorious sounds and delightful imagery sent him into a frenzy. He was restless, needing to release this pent-up energy. That was when it dawned on him—his astute assistant. You’d be the one entrusted to rid him of these overwhelming urges.

CW: NSFW, MDNI, fem!reader, mentions of death, vaginal fingering, vaginal penetration, 69-ing, orgasm denial, implied creampie

The thrilling chill of death (Caesar)

Collapsing one right after the other, each person had their lungs seared with most having no more than slight discoloration on their necks. That tingling feeling was creeping up on him again. Watching the henchmen look at him with such heart-sinking betrayal when those doors closed and the toxins seeped in and that light in their eyes flickering until it went out completely—a thrill like nothing else.

A familiar heat nipped at his cheeks the longer he looked at them. Tilting his head from side to side, he examined each person’s reaction to the chemical carefully. Some exhibited greenish boils around their throats, while others maintained a green tint up til their untimely deaths. A boyish grin played on his lips at the thought of further testing. 

“What a promising future you have,” he chirped at the clouds dissipating into a light mist. The adoration he felt was making him salivate. He placed his hand upon the glass, not even holding back the furious blush on his cheeks.

He couldn’t help the little sway of his body when he journeyed back over to the computer. Humming to himself, the clicks of the keys matched his uncharacteristically upbeat mood. Pictures of what would become of the victims played in his mind, further sending him into a fit of excitement. However, the rhythmic beating of his thrill seeking heart was not the only part of him pulsating. With all this delight swarming around him, there was bound to be an effect on him elsewhere.

His eye twitched in slight irritation, when feeling a stir in his pants. The thought of setting a moment aside to take care of it himself crossed his mind, but a thoughtful knock on the metal door side-tracked this idea. There you were, prepared with the requested documents as always. His fingers tapped on the doorframe as he took a closer look at you, trying to gauge just what exactly your deal was.

Your eyes flickered over to the glass walls still containing the dead bodies, but his never left you. They held onto the rise and fall of your chest and the dilation in your eyes. Such subtle shifts that indicated interest, which bordered arousal. He stepped aside to welcome you in. 

“Would you like to take a closer look?” After he slammed the door behind you, his pearly white smile and glowing eyes kept on your heels.

You kneeled down to get a better look at what had become of these men. No fear pumped through your veins, just morbid curiosity that alluded to more degenerate interests. He leaned down, allowing his long raven hair to tickle your skin. “Do you want to see it in action?”

“Yes, actually…” The dark desire to witness death first-hand was something you forbade yourself from ever disclosing to others. However, Caesar was different. He would never be turned away from one who harbored such impurity. How could he when he was the same?

A symphony of hissing gas blended with soft chuckles—an orchestral performance to which the body going limp behind the thick paned glass was forcibly mute. Banging on the clear material soon turned into faint taps. An ill-fated guinea pig that was plucked from the litter and served its purpose, the hand of death held it closely while the gas filled the chamber in thick green clouds.

The sweet embrace of death—sweet to the onlooker but bitter to the one it was casted on. The orchestrator remained at attention not quite ready to pull himself away from the show as the final hums of the finale lingered. Their whispers caressed his ears, further bewitching him in the sounds of blissful horrors. His unsettling grin was now pressed into a content smile, his lips twitching slightly. He wet them as if to savor the remains of tragedy.

Tilting his head up to the ceiling, he let out a deep sigh. “You know, there’s nothing quite like the scent of death and despair to really get the blood pumping.” The gentle shift of his head towards you sent a thrill up your spine. His eyes peered down at you, their golden color practically dancing with anticipation. “But, I suppose you already know that.”

His perceptive remark tugged at the ball tightening in your chest. You could feel the sparks of witnessing death surging through you. The intensity in your eyes matched his, and the subtle nod you gave him only whetted his appetite.

Briefly, he pulled his attention back to the caged body. “Dying behind bars, well glass in this case,” he chuckled while looking at the lifeless form. “No hope of escape, only agony.” His voice was becoming higher pitched, mocking one of those who followed him so blindly.

“Watching the light in his eyes fade was truly remarkable,” you mentioned in a dreamy voice, recalling that faith he’d put in your Master getting snatched away.

“Yes…” he drew out. “It’s enough to make one giddy.” His eyes darted back to you. His lips stretched into a sinister grin once more as your gratification was becoming more and more apparent. He drummed his fingers on his thigh and clicked his tongue. “The night is far too young to call it quits now. Why don’t we bring in another? Just to really test all the ins and outs.”

The dragging of the corpse was promptly followed by promises that flowed past his lips so easily. Uplifting, inspirational, drenched with hope: each word had thorns hidden beneath the surface. The piercing blades stabbed into their sides once that moment of clarity came fatally late.

This one was a screamer. Even behind the barrier those choked cries for help carried through to both of you, and you couldn’t stop your heart from racing. Your pupils dilated while this man, whose gravest mistake was placing his trust in the wrong hands, began convulsing on the floor. You didn’t notice at first when Caesar turned to look at you; he was riddled with pleasure both from the shrieks of pain and the desire clearly bubbling within you.

He loomed over you, the sheer size of him causing your breath to catch in your throat. That look in your eyes… it earned a sly grin because he was sure of the type of woman you were, and he was unwilling to hold back from exploiting that any longer. 

Lips crashing into yours, the motion from his body carried so much force that you were levitated off the ground. Scooping you up in his arms, he held onto you tightly. You wrapped your legs around him, letting the skirt of your dress ride up your bare thighs. His fingers pressed into you while they cupped the delicate curves of your backside. While teasing the lining of your panties, his tongue traced your bottom lip. That little quiver from you made his eyes roll back.

His digits slipped under the cotton fabric and slid between your folds. A shaky moan escaped you when his fingers caressed your swollen clit. Looking up at him with half-lidded eyes, his wicked expression from earlier had shifted to one of arousal. Capturing your lips once more, each whimper and groan from you was devoured. His eagerness demanded entry into your mouth, finally allowing your tongues to tangle. As you panted in ecstasy, he plunged two fingers past your glistening lips. Those long digits curled within you, teasing your g-spot to coax any lewd sound out of you.

Watching you unravel with such ease had him breathing heavily. The look of bliss upon your face was made all the better with the dying man’s pleas in the background. Just as you looked as if you were going to delve into the pits of ecstasy, he pulled his fingers out of you. Your whimpering protest was quickly silenced with another sloppy kiss, this time coupled with his own desperate sounds for more.

When you nipped at his bottom lips, you lit a fire in him. A deep groan rumbled in his chest. The quick flip of your body onto the table caused you to shriek, but that shocked voice only made you that much more alluring to him.

Your voice hitched into choked gasps as he pushed as much of himself into you as he could. The stretching of your walls, the spasming of them, the warmth encasing him: your body was heaven on Earth. Thrusting into you slowly at first, he savored your high pitched moans as the tip of his cock pressed against your sweet spot. The fluttering sensation made him thrust harder and faster. Watching you claw at the surface and listening to your sweet euphoric moans stirred something primal in him.

His hands gripped so tightly on your hips that it was nearly painful. You were nearing that blissful peak once again, he could sense it. Just as you were about to fall off the cliff, he pulled out. Your sobs of frustration were muffled against the desk. Your hips swayed, offering you up as a forbidden fruit which he couldn’t resist sinking his teeth into. 

He hooked his arms under you, lifting your molten core to his parched mouth. He wasted no time in trailing his tongue over your pursed lips. It swirled around your engorged clit, while his hot breath bathed your sensitive skin before devouring every inch of it.

Your cries and shakes fed into his ego. Such a deliciously twisted little thing you were, a woman who could finally get that scratch he couldn’t reach. His long hot tongue coated you, plunged into you, swirled along every inch all in an attempt to strangle each groan out of you. His cock twitched from under you, beading with precum. You began stroking him, adoring the feel of him pulsating under your touch. You were able to fit just a little more than the head into your mouth, but that didn’t stop you from attempting to thrust even more down your throat.

He began moaning for more as he bucked his hips slightly. One of his hands tangled in your hair to hold you in place as he sought out more from your delectable mouth. Your gagging and coughing only made him crazier. “Fuck, you’re perfect.” He nipped at your abused nub before throwing you back on his shaft.

He dipped into your core again, groaning as he slid in with more ease. Your body quaked around him, so desperate for release. One of his hands wrapped around your throat, letting your quickened pulse dance under his grasp. His arm snaked around your waist, holding you closely as he thrusted deep inside you.

Your grunts of urgency, the way your nails scraped up his arms, and the tightening of your core: you were right where he needed you. He tilted your lustful expression back towards the test subject—died for the sole purpose of riling both of you up. An image that should have provoked disgust, instead had you singing more loudly for Caesar. He aided his thrusts with rough throws of your body against his hips.

“Tell me how much you love it,” he growled.

“I-I love it. Love it so fucking much.” Your slick arousal was coating him entirely. Wet slapping of your hips colliding was making it more difficult to hold himself together. Your chest heaved and your breaths became shallow. The sensation of your body tensing tore away any shred of control remaining.

In shared cries and groans of blissful sin, your bodies trembled from the lingering shockwaves. Easing you down, your legs buckled under you. Unbothered laughs came from above. He couldn’t help himself; witnessing you in such a state went straight to his pride. Inflating his ego even more was the sight of the trickles of cum pooling beneath your still shaky hips. A hum of satisfaction left him before he scooped you up in his arms. Your body was still flushed, and the heat of it was far more contagious than any disease he could conjure. 

His hands favored resting on certain curves of your figure as he carried you the short journey to the bedroom. Images of those unlucky souls having their lives ripped away were still playing in your mind. When Caesar placed you on the bed, his eyes roamed over you, feeling fairly pleased with himself.

His fingers traced up the softness of your thighs, making you shiver. He grinned down at you, knowing full well the boundless fun that awaited you both.

[myhotwifeadventutes]

Part 5-B

On the way back to my room I was feeling more sexy and powerful than ever. I couldn’t wait to get back to humiliate hubby and tell him how Joseph manhandled my body. I got back to my room and quickly changed into one of my long nightgowns to hide my body. I put on a pair of nylon knee highs so hubby can worship my feet. When I entered his connecting room he was waiting in his little nightie I don’t know what came over me I slapped him across his face so hard as he went to cover up I kicked his balls with all my might. While he was wiggling around on the floor in pain I pulled off his nylons and panties and propped up his head with a couple of pillows. I forced his legs over his head I wanted him to suck his own cock. I couldn’t get it all in his mouth but he was able to get his tongue on the head of his cock I made him keep licking his cock and playing with it until he eventually started moaning I was pushing his ass down to keep him in position and he finally started cuming. Most of it went in his mouth and some on his face and of course I was berating him and insulting him the whole time telling him how I’m going to let his nephew fuck my ass soon. I used my feet to clean up the excess cum and than made him lick it and worship my feet. It was so much fun dominating him.

The next morning I slept in hubby had left early for the last day of the conference I was going to meet Joseph for a pool day so I text him to come to my room and help me pick out a bathing suit. When he got to my room

I opened the door in a little camisole and panties I gave him a big hug and we started kissing in the doorway I told him I missed his cock as I was tugging at his bathing suit I immediately went down on my knees pulled his cock out and started sucking on it I told I wanted his load for breakfast I was jerking him off licking his cock I put his hand on the back of my head and told him to make me take it all. Once I got it all in my mouth he was holding my head fucking my mouth making me gag his rhythm started going faster and faster until he started cuming violently he was still holding my head and I started choking on his cum so he pulled out and finished his load on my face. What a great way to start the day.

I cleaned up and we went down to the pool for the day. Meanwhile Ed was texting me telling me to please come to the farewell cocktail party tonight he really wanted to see me. I told him I would come and wear something special for him. I was feeling very naughty I was cuckolding hubby with Joseph making plans to see Ed. I had brought a really sexy slutty pink halter dress it had high slits going up both sides I wasn’t sure I would have the courage to wear it but after all it was Vegas.

I made plans to meet Ed at the casino bar before the party so I told hubby I would text him when he was allowed to come down and I was ready to go into the party. Ed and I had a quick drink. I could tell that Ed really liked my dress. He asked me if I wanted to join him after the party, there was a bunch of people going out to the clubs. After our drink, I had hubby meet me at the bar and we went into the party. it felt so good getting lots of attention from all the men at the party Ed was hanging around me very closely and we kind of branched off into a little group with me and Ed and his friend Steve and Steve’s wife and hubby. We were all making plans to get a car and go out to the clubs downtown. Hubby and I agreed I told them I needed to freshen up and we would meet them in the front of the hotel. Of course, when I got upstairs to the room, I told hubby that he wasn’t allowed to come, and I would be going without him. it actually worked out perfect it would be Steve and his wife Stacey and me and Ed. Stacey was very pretty, she had an athletic build with brown hair and blue eyes, and we seem to hit it off right from the very beginning. When I got down to the front of the hotel, they had a limo waiting. I told them that hubby wasn’t feeling well and would it be ok if I came alone? Ed was very receptive to the idea.

When I got in the limo, we immediately did a few rounds of shots to get things going. We got to the first club and immediately hit the bar to get a few more drinks. We were all dancing together, and of course the guys were egging on me and Stacey to dance together so we did a little bit of dirty dancing to tease them. It was really fun and sexy. Ed and I found a nice cozy lounge so we could be alone he immediately started kissing my lips, my neck, his hand started roaming I felt his fingers on the outside of my thong and he slowly slid a finger into my pussy gently massaging me then he slid another finger in and picked up the pace a little bit. I was starting to get really turned on. I felt how hard his cock was on the outside of his pants and he asked me if I wanted to go outside in the limo with him. of course, I followed him outside and we got in the back of the limo and started kissing again. I unbuckled his pants and help him pull them off. I slid my thong off and pulled up my dress and straddle him on the seat and guided his cock into my pussy I was so wet at first it was slow and steady while we were still kissing, and then I started bouncing up and down on his cock really fast.

He was telling me how sexy I am how much he wants me I told him I can’t wait to feel his cum inside me he came first moaning which made me fuck him faster until I came all over his cock. We sat there for a minute kissing and then straightened ourselves out and went back into the club. We met up with Stacey and Steve at the bar and they were teasing us about our whereabouts. Stacey followed me into the bathroom I had to clean up my panties were soaked I was afraid cum would start dripping down my leg. She told me Ed can’t stop talking about me since we met the night before I didn’t see any harm in giving her the lowdown of what happened in the limo. We went back out to the bar and decided to start heading back to the hotel.

When we got back to the hotel we said our goodbyes with Stacey and Steve and headed into the hotel. Ed really wanted to spend more time together but his room was occupied with a colleague he traveled with. He asked me about getting another room but I told him hubby and I had two rooms. Hubby would be sleeping in one room and if he promised to be really quiet he could come up to my room for a little while. I was so turned on when he agreed I text hubby and told him I was bringing Ed up to my room and to make sure he’s is listening at the connecting door but do not make any noise no matter what.

When we got a few steps inside my room there was a little nervous laughter while Ed was really trying to be quiet but I actually wanted Hubby to hear. We immediately started kissing as we were undressing each other and backing up towards the bed. Ed laid me back on the bed both of us naked he immediately started working on my nipples biting and licking telling me how great my tits were. I could feel his cock grinding against my thigh he was so hard. My nipples were getting so sensitive getting me so wet all of a sudden I felt him inside me his cock was so thick it felt nice and tight in my pussy. He was pumping away so hard I was moaning the bed was squeaking I loved how humiliating this was for hubby listening. I couldn’t take it any longer and I started cumming quickly I was telling him to fill me please fill me and he did. We laid there for a bit while was inside of me.

We must of feel asleep for a while because the next thing I knew, I felt a hard cock rubbing against my ass and Ed was whispering in my ear that he wanted to fuck me again. I looked at the clock on the nightstand and it was 3am. He kept kissing my neck and rubbing his cock on my ass he was being much more forceful than before. He rolled me on my back and dragged me to the end of the bed. He lifted my legs and put them on his shoulders. He roughly slid his cock into my pussy and started fucking me.really hard he took me by surprise and I couldn’t help but moan loudly he pressed my legs towards my body which gave him better leverage and he was thrusting his cock deep into my pussy I started begging him to fuck me harder I was moaning harder harder and he telling me how he loved fucking my body I came hard for the third time that night than he started moaning really loudly and was cumming with big deep thrusts. It felt incredible he collapsed on top of me exhausted. He told me he didn’t want to leave me, but I told him it was time for him to go. We kissed for a few more minutes, and then he went to his room.

I woke up late morning on Saturday feeling sexy and satisfied and a little sore. I text hubby to get me a Starbucks I took a nice long shower. When hubby got back with the Starbucks I asked how he liked listening to Ed fucking me all night I told him how pathetic he was and how he disgusted me I told him he couldn’t even have my feet because he’s such a looser I gave him my dirty panties from the night before and an empty glass I told him to go put on his nightie and jerk off in his room and bring me back the glass with his cum. In a few minutes he was back in his nightie and pantyhose with his cum. I made him get on his knees and tell me how much he loved Joseph fucking me and I fed him half of his cum and made him swallow it than I made him tell me how much he loved Ed fucking me and I fed him the rest of his cum I even made him lick the glass clean. I kicked him in his balls and i finished getting dressed. We spent the rest of the day shopping and had lunch with Joseph. We left on the red eye that night and that ended my Vegas adventure.