#and i was supposed to do them around lunch time but i didn't bc we went out to eat

[in-a-faith-forgottenn-land]

i feels so bad and guilty today bc i didn’t do any chores around the house today

[my-hybrid-moments]

us. - spike jonze

a/n: this was supposed to be a little thing bc i was bored but jesus it got long 😭😭

i <3 spike sm gang you have no idea this was so fun

its a teeny bit specified bc i made it as if it were from my own point of view but i did try and make it more general so i could post it

please please please request spike gang i <3 him

summary

you - a famous musician - are being interviewed, and the inevitable question comes up:

"what's the story behind yourself and spike jonze?"

and this is your answer.

warnings/notices to consider

none that i'm aware of, need to properly proofread

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

mine and spike's love story started in walt whitman high, maryland.

it was early november, i was 15, he was 16 - just a few months older than me, him being born in late october and me being born in mid december, so we were still in the same year group. we didn't fully acknowledge each other until we had to. of course, we had a few classes together in the past and even when we met - we both took the film class - but we never really spoke.

until a new club was introduced: film club.

it ran every day at lunch in a big ish room through a back door in the music department (where i usually was anyway). as it turns out, the administration just needed a use for the room in order to keep it there. no one in the school actually cared about film study. except for two little media nerds in 5th year. me, a freak, a loner, an outcast, and adam spiegel - but by 4th year everyone called him spike jonze (that was a nickname the local storeowner gave him - seemingly this stuck for quite a while).

he was always hanging around with these crazy students, i remember one of them was actually jeff tremaine. they were wild, but spike mostly kept to himself and was more just there for the antics rather than partaking (but we know he was - and still is - a fucking menace to society).

back to the big ish room - neither of us were entirely sure what to do, both of us being sort of shy and reserved in our day to day. once we realised that no one else was showing up, we started to talk. we introduced ourselves, discussed our favourite films and hit it off immediately. i don't know about him, but that day i knew we were starting something special. after about a week i'd developed a crush on spike - he was funny, sweet, charming and a gentleman - but did i plan on telling him? did i fuck. but to be fair i didn't have to. it was made glaringly obvious once we started hanging out and being friends outside that big ish room. everyone could see right through me. including spike himself. to this day he still teases me about how sweet my "puppy crush" on him was back in the day. and he still gets reminded that he wasn't any better, blushing and chuckling at what was essentially my every word like the inexperienced 16 year old he was.

he made all the first moves (which i like to remind him of every time he brings up my "heart eyes") - he asked me to the movies (he introduced me to what would become my all time favourite film to this day), he took me for ice cream on the beach (one with stones, not sand - he's always known i hate sand - and linked our pinkies as we walked since he was too nervous to hold my hand properly), gave me his jacket when i got even one shiver (he was freezing the whole time because he refused to take his jacket back), and finally kissed me ever so softly on the lips when we arrived back at my doorstep (he was shaking from nerves and cold, but his lips were still warm and soft, just like they are now - he put his hand on my cheek as the other held my own and my foot popped just like in those old romance movies we both adored back then). i was 16 too by then, it was january when our first date came around. but from the second his lips gently pressed against mine, as soon as i felt him against me, as soon as i felt his breath on my face i knew i couldn't find anyone better to spend my life with. in that moment i knew he was my soulmate. cheesey i know, but i knew then that we would be us.

after that the rest is pretty much history: we graduated together the at 18, moved away for college and in with each other at 19, graduated again at 23 - which was also when i finally released that song i wrote for our second anniversary. and guess what? it got big. that song went popular so fast, and so did spike. not long after we graduated (me with music and production, him with film and english) spike made his first big music video (for me, might i add) and after that he kept them coming, as did i. we got famous in the blink of an eye almost, it was amazing.

until it wasn't for a while.

by the time we were 24 (i know, not that long huh?) we'd both got too wrapped up in our work and got too overwhelmed to the point of snapping. we were exhausted, not meaning a thing we said but still throwing our words out like daggers. we broke up, and the following year was the worst of my life. we had broken up for 1 year, 4 months, 2 weeks and 3 days. i kept track of every day i had been without him, kept track of every day i was left in that house alone, every morning i woke up and spike's side of the bed was colder than it had ever been before. it was the worst torture i could imagine, and every song i wrote in that time was about him - whether it was about missing him or wanting him back, they were all for spike. all i wanted was him, but i thought he was done for good and so i left him alone.

that 1 year, 4 months, 2 weeks and 3 days led up to the mtv awards ceremony, the year spike was nominated for outstanding new picture. i had accepted the request for my performance before i knew that spike had been nominated, and by the time i knew it was much too late to back out to make sure he would be peaceful there.

so i went, having gotten dressed up how he loved out of pure habit. i wore a gorgeous black dress with my hair up. i opened with one of my more popular songs before heading to my seat to watch the awards, but i had to fight to keep my eyes away from spike. he looked amazing - smart suit (i think it was a tuxedo), dressy shoes, and his classic adorable messy yet organised hair. the hair that made him look like a puppy. the hair i used to play with as i fell asleep.

when the time came, he did end up winning the award he was nominated for. i was so proud and all i wanted was to turn to him and kiss him with an embrace like i had for past awards we won, but i couldn't even look up to the stage. i wouldn't. i knew if i did i'd break down seeing him so happy without me. his speech was as expected: thanking mtv, talking about the movie, thanking his coworkers... but then he thanked me. i shot up when i heard that, and that was the first time our eyes met in over a year. and you know what? i didn't completely break down (i definitely cried though i'll admit that). i think that was more because of shock.

i'll never forget that speech - i still go back and watch it from time to time when i'm feeling down. he talked about how that perfect, beautiful main character was based on me and how her loser boyfriend was symbolic of himself, he talked about how without me he wouldn't be stood there, how our perfect relationship had impacted him and his work, and how i never left his mind or his heart that whole time we were apart. he told me that our love story could never be written, and to him it would never be over - that it was the most perfect and pure love he'd ever known or felt - and out of all of his speech, what he said at the end hit me harder than anything:

"i just want you to know that i'll always have a piece of you in me. always."

it hit me then - he felt the same way that i did. all that time we felt the same. he missed me. after his speech the ceremony went on, i closed it out with a slight shake in my voice, singing a song i wrote about missing him (which he swears didn't make him cry, but his eyes were red and wet later that night) and i left for the afterparty. this was the first time in my life i'd gone to a party with no intention of drinking. my goal was to make a beeline for spike, and i needed a clear head for that. which is exactly what i did.

i found him in a corner with his head down, i said his name to get his attention. he looked up with those sweet, soulful eyes of his, only they were red raw and the light and enthusiasm in them was as low as i'd ever seen. usually full of this gorgeous light that was barely there anymore.

for a moment we just stood there, looking at each other, noticing every difference and change since we last were together - then all we did was hold each other. we stood there for so long, my face in his shoulder, his chin resting on my head, holding each other tight and knowing in that moment we'd never let go again.

we spent that night dancing to any song that came on, laughing like we were never apart. i'll never forget that night when he came home, and i'll never forget waking up in his arms the morning after. every moment since then was just like we were before, barely anything changed at all. that was a number of years ago now, he finally proposed a year after we reconnected and we got married the following year. our twin boys are soon to turn 3 and our girl has just turned 5. spike is working on jackass 2 right now, but he always makes sure we're his first priority. he always comes home early and happy. the kids adore him, and so do i. none of us have ever been happier than we are now, the media's favourite family.

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

[theworldoffostering]

I am beside myself. We are back in the national parks and spent today at one of the lakes. DH’s friends from ID came over and we did a picnic lunch with them. It was a really nice day. We then got ice cream and headed back to our campsite to get dinner made.

People were cranky from being in the sun all day and probably travel and being hungry. I was talking to my mom about my dad, and texting with my cousin (her grandma is in the hospital on hospice apparently) and taking each of the little kids for a walk around the loop to try to create some separation and space for everyone.

DS and Ms. 6 were doing nothing to help. Ms. 6 stayed in the tent most of the day bc she's mad and wants to go home. I asked the teens to take a walk. They did and when they came back we were almost ready to eat. Ms. 6 said she wasn't eating and again stated she wanted to go home.

Two minutes later she took off running and took DS with her. I had to report them missing to a park ranger and they put out a BOLO.

Within one minute of the BOLO going out, they were found but then Ms. 6 asserted to the ranger once again that I am abusing her! And then she told the ranger I was abusing DS! And DS went along with it. Didn't deny it.

The ranger that found the kids was one of the ones that helped us last year when we had this scenario and she was so mad at me--basically yelled at me saying that I was now back for the second summer and I had TWO kids accusing me of abuse. So it once again turned into a whole thing.

They wanted me to have proof that I wasn't abusing the kids. Thankfully, I managed to get DS's therapist on the phone at 9pm and one of the people that is in our home doing life skills weekly with the kids. Ms. 6 instructed DS not to speak to his therapist. Ms. 6's therapist never picked up.

Ms. 6 was aggressive even with park rangers present and the police said they could arrest her based on her actions (attempted assault on me in front of them and resisting an officer) but they didn't want to bc she would then be released in town and have nowhere to go. They also considered a 72 hour hold but it would have also resulted in her being released in town with nowhere to go (we are supposed to leave this morning for home). So they basically spent three hours de escalating while I cried my eyes out and tried to not go into shock (my entire body was shaking due to the adrenaline). Then a ranger drove them back to our campsite and dropped them off where H and E were crying hysterically from the stress and saying they didn't feel safe with Ms. 6.

I am beyond sad this happened AGAIN and things have been absolutely fine--smooth even with Ms. 6 on this trip but something was bothering her this morning. I asked her about it. She had a lot of attitude but I just let that roll off. I asked her what she needed. Provided suggestions and eventually asked her if she wanted a nap. She said she did so that's what she did. Before she laid down, I asked her if I could give her a hug and she said yes so I did and felt like we were okay.

Ms. 6 snap chatted with her biological family the entire time the police were managing the situation. Clearly not taking anything too seriously.

I then spent another two hours in the tent with them while they smugly giggled about how great they are. I cried again. Talked to them. Tried to explain why this was not okay. Tried to explain what could be done differently. Said I was glad they were not in jail or the hospital. Radio silence.

I stayed n the van with H and E while DH slept in the tent with the other four.

I'm exhausted. I'm so sad. Idk what to do. I'm not sure how we will make the 20 hour drive home tomorrow. I cannot ever travel with Ms. 6 again. I know DS’s therapist wants DS separated from Ms. 6 but Ms. 6 is being super manipulative. Do I tell her she cannot live at home any more? How do I create felt safety for everyone when she continues to do this?

[boyswanna-be-her]

Let me preface this by saying that I'm recounting all of this kind of mundane shit about BFR for myself because guaranteed I'm going to be trying to understand/recap this narrative while im lonely in colorado. And honestly I know it's gonna be easy for me to forget details and second-guess shit that feels so obvious to me in the moment. So if you don't want a blow by blow of this absolutely PG romantic relationship, just skip this one for now.

Today was really nice and the first day in a little while where I haven't had anything pressing to do. It was pouring at the clinic today--has been all week. Yesterday I sat in my front seat w BFR and we smoked a joint together and made fun of the one wet protester until the rain passed. Great morning.

We had lunch together at one of my favorite taco spots in my old neighborhood, and then we had to walk back to the thai place where we ate dinner the night before bc they'd left their sunglasses behind. We went to a coffee shop for a while where they patiently waited for me to be done with a working meeting on my laptop. Then we took a walk in the park in between rain. It was just seamless, idk. There's no question that we'll go do the next thing together. When the rain wouldn't let up at the park, I suggested we go to one of my fave places in the city, and I drove us to a giant used bookstore that was a few miles away.

I didn't realize until we got there that they'd never been before!! I try to take everyone I can there if they're from out of town, and it is ABSOLUTELY my favorite place to both take a new date and have a special date with an established partner. I don't feel guilty about taking basically everyone I've ever dated there--a good date is a good date. There's a lot of built-in conversation to be had and it's easier than a bar and free to wander around. We accidentally killed an enormous amount of time there, and we shot the shit about 20th century history which is my jam, so amazing to talk abt it w someone who can hang, READS, and doesn't have anything to prove in terms of static knowledge recall.

We hung out for a little while but they had yoga and I wanted to head home so we split up after that and it felt... weird? Like it always feels like there's this last step we are missing to our goodbyes. They forced a hug one time when we were saying goodbye from the clinic, but it was really early on and RIGHT when I was coming to terms with being attracted to them (like second time seeing them after having the realization) which means I was in ultra robot mode, and also assumed it was one-sided and they were just trying to be nice. Like I literally think I did a one arm side hug and they were so dejected they never tried again. Now we're weeks later and it feels weird that we're not kissing goodnight or something.

But I had the evening to myself and finally broke down and talked to someone from my real life about them. He was very affirming that I'm not insane, and just recapping the timeline to someone made it make more sense in my mind. I didn't even have to present half of my evidence for my friend to say yeah, that's going in A Direction. I just second guess it all for a variety of reasons, but for example when I screenshotted a text and sent it as evidence that I feel like they text me like a coworker sometimes, my friend pointed out that nobody in the history of neutral coworkers has ever crafted such a long and careful text. Which. Touche.

This morning we were back out at the clinic bright and early. My friend was supposed to join us but she couldn't at the last minute. Instead she dropped into the chat and asked if someone could fill in for her. If I didn't feel like we were already attracting attention (spoiler: we are), i would've REALLY preferred to jump in and say "noooo worries, no third wheel needed please." But we are getting a little visible. So I didn't. And BFR's friend jumped in to take my friend's place volunteering with us.

I ended up being really happy the friend was there though! The two of us are more like a couple when there IS a third person there, although the vibe can be a lot to navigate sometimes and I often have to shut down and take some time to myself. It wasn't unwelcome to have him there though. It makes the vibe between me & bfr more apparent, pronounced, whatever. We already have such a shorthand in common which 😍 wrow, communication fluency.

I invited his friend to lunch with us, and he accepted, and it was fun--I took them to my favorite Greek place which is legit like three blocks from the clinic.

Friend went on his way, the two of us moved to the next location: their favorite spot to work. I also love this location bc you can watch the afternoon rain and vape furiously on the porch without getting wet. Like I said, today was the first day in a while where neither of us had much to do in the way of work. They have been threatening to inflict their favorite board game on me for a while now, and it finally happened today. I am notoriously uninterested in board games (more like bored games amiright) but the combo of my biggest fan being excited to teach/compliment me on how AMAZING i am at it (rofl lying but ok) and the inherent fun of the game meant that I, uh, had a lot of fun, unfortunately.

We did two REALLY close rounds, and in the second game they almost fully missed a work call they had at 7:00 (I remembered bc i am insane but I also didn't mention it until 6:50 bc I thought maybe they were goofing on me and pretending like they'd lost track of time). Turns out they had been planning on muting and barely looking at the meeting anyway bc they didn't wanna stop playing--which is flattering but I'm also like "[Redacted], i already very much want the best for you, INCLUDING not becoming completely codependent and risking your living bc im so charming and fun" so there was a lot of me pausing the play and asking about the meeting.

By the time that was over, we were already butting up against the time we were supposed to meet their friends to lift tonight. We hadn't eaten dinner but they offered to feed me at their place which was perfect. We went straight back and holy shit their homemade leftovers were delicious.

Their friends came on time to lift and the first thing out of the mouth of the one who knows me better was "you and [redacted] have really been spending a lot of time together huh?" The two of us made eye contact and kinda laughed and BFR said "yep" and both made the 😬 face and the friend wouldn't let it go and repeated "you guys spend all day together now..." and my 😬 face couldn't get any more intense and he said "all day... today..." i said "yep we're pretty codependent." (I'd made the same not-joke yesterday when I was very truly pointing out that I don't remember what to do with my alone time anymore, and they not-jokingly replied "yeah we've ruined each other." Which like. At least we're aware.) Only later did I realize that BFR mustve been talking to the friend about it bc I definitely wasn't and there was no public talk about it in our shared discord so 👀 bitch i see u chatting in private abt me.

Lifting was incredible as always. Their friends who are a decade younger than us and sometimes join us, sometimes don't, really crack me up and I have such a good rapport with one of the guys that I think I lift better with him around (the one who was giving us a hard time tonight). He dishes out the abuse I give him while lifting, which I love. Between him and bfr, I feel like a fucking all-star lifter in that little garage gym. They talk positively about my form when they don't even realize I can hear them. Even so, BFR will not hesitate to call me out when a lift looks bad or I need a cue.

So yeah. It's nice. Hanging out at their place, being fed, getting let in on a LOT more inner details than I got in the first months of knowing them. That's all lovely. I always try to text them and let them know when I've had a lot of fun with them, and that's just basically turned into a nightly check-in. On Sunday, I got a very coworkery (imo) message from them about enjoying our time together, thanking me for my "wonderful company," thanking me for spending so much time together, thanking me for attending so many events with them, and saying that they are "definitely down to keep hanging out in the future." At the time I felt like "that's a weirdly formal way to put all this" but getting home to tonight's much more neurotic message made it make more sense (along w the feedback from a trusted friend who makes good points). Like it was a careful message because they are being exceedingly careful with me. They know some of my more obvious damage (all the psychic sucking chest wounds are hard to ignore after a few weeks of learning about me, and i've been going out of my way to be quite "warts and all" with them). They value our time together A LOT. And the more that I understand our similarities, the more I know that they're also likely really fucking scared to endanger the chemistry of this friendship by introducing ANY other dynamic.

Im finally getting to the end here. Tumblr will probably eat this entry. I'm posting it before a full edit--RIP anyone parsing this.

But the message that I came home to tonight was FINALLY a little more vulnerable, and essentially said that if I want to spend LESS time with them, I'm going to have to tell them that straight up, and that that'll be ok, but if so they need to lnow because this is the amount of time they want to spend with me (all of it), and they don't anticipate that changing.

So! Guess I'll puke and die now! Literally spent five minutes last night considering how I could smuggle them to Colorado with me. Also I haven't had anywhere to put this but since this is an all-bfr all the time blog now, we are going to go on a trip together to chicago in August! There's an actual reason to go other than lovefest vacation (pretty much a work trip for them that I've been asked to tag along for) but as we are actually finalizing the trip plans, it definitely feels more than a little bit like we are going on a lovefest vacation. Which is all the more reason why it would be great to not be hella conspicuous (even though it's a little fun being hella conspicuous).

Like I didn't need another human to come validate my existence, but I *did* need to meet someone who could threaten the idea that I'm ready to die alone. It's nice. It's all nice!! I'm definitely not crying and throwing up!!!

[my-castles-crumbling]

hello cas! swiftie anon, I was planning on sending this earlier but I've been feeling shitty and wasn't motivated enough to type shit out.

so, I was going to send you a message that everything with volunteering at vacation bible school was fine or whatever. so a little pretext, since me and my brother did check-in, that was only for the first thirty minutes, and after that we just look for things to help out with.

so on thursday we had to walk around and take photos of the kids in the classroom. and I was really uncomfortable with walking in there, and just taking photos. probably my anxiety, but I suck at like, feeling I belong somewhere. anyway, I shoved the phone into my brother's hands and told him to do it. he got kinda mad, since I hadn't taken many of the photos, bc I got nervous.

and I just couldn't really take it. bc something is wrong me me cas. I already knew that. and I thought my brother of all people would understand. so I started crying, which was really embarrassing, and I went to the bathroom to cry. I think I was hyperventilating, and I kept thinking about how there's something wrong with me, and how it's hard to be around me bc of that.

I left the bathroom after a bit bc I think there was a bathroom break for the kids, and I was still crying in the hallway, and it was just really icky. my brother doesn't really get mad, and if he does he usually gets over it in like a few minutes. he said sorry, and told me that he needed to take me home. I said no, bc I didn't want to talk about it with our parents. so I just stayed there and cried in the hallway for a few more minutes, and a few adults saw me (which will be important later). I may or may not have started hyperventilating again, and my brother told me that I needed to leave. My sister asked what was wrong (she was a classroom helper, and it was her break) and I told her I didn't want to talk about it. I left, we went to the library, and I just read there until we had to go pick up my sister at 12. we had a family night at church later that night, and some of the adults that asked if I was okay, and told my mom that I had been crying earlier.

my parents wanted to talk to me about it. and, idk why they thought I would. I don't talk to them about...anything. Actually, I don't really talk to anyone about how I feel, probably bc I'm pretty emotionally repressed. I already know what's wrong with me, and why I react to things the way I do. and then they got kinda mad, like "you'll have to interact with people when you're older." etc. and then they brought up how I didn't have to do a social studies presentation bc I started crying and hyperventilating, and my teacher said I didn't have to do it, and she would just grade my slideshow. my mom said "that's not something you can get away with in high school." and I hate her so fucking much, she acts like everything is my fucking fault and my choice, and that presentation thing wasn't something I "got away with" it just happened. I was going to do it, I just couldn't.

also, I've just kind of, lost my appetite lately, which I forgot to mention in my last message. is it a depression thing? Idk. I usually skip breakfast, but I've skipped lunch the last few days. which, ik is an issue, but i just can't find the motivation to eat, yk? My brother has kind of been forcing me to eat the last few days, so, ig that's a good thing.

so tonight my brother was playing video games with his friends, and came down to dinner late. my parents got so pissed, and we used to have a set time where we had to be down for dinner, or else we got our phones taken away. they've been more lenient these days. anyway my parents asked "what time are you supposed to be down here?" and my brother said "6:30, idk, i'm stupid." and they've called us, him, stupid so many times. they were talking about if they should call him down for dinner, and my dad was like, "idk how he plays video games for so long without being stupid" and idk, I just hate that they expect us to know everything, and I hate them for expecting us to be okay with it.

they never apologize for the things that matter, and I think that they think that they're okay parents. I just really hate them, bc it doesn't feel like they care about us.

idk, this was really long, so that'll be all for now. have a good day/night!

Hi hon!

Okay, the way you're talking about yourself here is bothering me. "Something is wrong with me" like...yes, it seems like you might be depressed/anxious. (loss of appetite is a sign of this) But that's not something to be embarrassed or ashamed of. You deserve support and love. And I am so sorry that it seems like you're not getting it. I'm also so sorry your parents are saying rude things. Remember, you deserve unconditional love.

I'm always here if you need to talk!

[jupiter--dream]

Today has been a... day/neg :<

idk how to describe it!!! Like aghhhH!!!!!!!

Context so y'all can be mad with me, or upset, or however you feel but!! Yesterday my friend is So So So So sad bc they won't be able to see their girlfriend for... a week and a half? more or less. So we decide to hang out! this is a big deal, the bus in my town sucks so going there takes 20min and coming back home takes me two hours because my bus only goes in one direction, so I gotta take another bus to get me to another city, walk to the bus station, and take the bus home, which all takes two hours.

So we hang out, and we're going around, and they're constantly checking their phone because Turns Out they might leave later TO SEE THEIR PARTNER, which they supposedly couldn't, and which they supposedly were SO SAD about not being able to do!! and!! And I didn't wanna say anything! I didn't even care!! but then they ask me where I'm gonna be eating and I'm like "well, taking into account that I'm in a whole separate town from where I live, I'd guess in your house?" and they're like "ah, I don't think you can come to my house" which, okay, I had some money, I'd get me a sandwich or something, but at 13:30, (here in spain lunch time is between 14h-15h, so this was before), they tell me "oh I gotta go home for a bit" and then spend A WHOLE HOUR IN THEIR HOUSE, and I stay sitting on the door to their building like an idiot, until they suddenly appear and tell me that they ARE going to see their partner, RIGHT THAT VERY SECOND, and that they have to take a bus for that, and that I should come too. On the bus, not to see their partner. So I'm already realizing that they have either forgotten or not taken into account the fact that I'll have to spend three and a half hours in a whole different city waiting for my only bus home, and so we got on the bus, and then just. Went to the other city, and I got off the bus, and they stayed. And that's it. I spent the next four hours walking around that city and in the bus station having eaten nothing all day, unable to really eat anything, and so damn tired because I had gotten up early to go see them; and with no internet.

I spent eight hours away from home today and only around two hours have been spent In Presence of my friend, and most of that time has been them making/taking calls and then in the bus talking with two other friends of theirs they found.

idk... aishhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

idk how I'm supposed to feel!! Am I meant to be sad? angry? upset? Or to take it as them realizing they CAN go see their partner and I guess getting too lost in that to remember, uh, me?

idk idk idkkkkkk

[bunnyb34r]

Lmao so NewLady and NetflixCoworker were SWAMPED with pallets of new shit meanwhile I was happily cleaning up my section ignoring the growing pile of basics pallets bc "fuck you I work 4 hours, y'all work 8, and no one ever recovers my section but oh look yours are 70% recovered already wow! Sucks to suck 🖕🤠"

Anyway NewLady was like "I sure hope that new girl is going to be here today. Theres a loooot of new stuff in basics. And I'm not gonna do it! I dont have time for that!" (new girl who was supposed to replace Tweedle dumb and Tweedle dumbass... the same new girl who just went on lunch and never came back 4 days ago) and I didn't say anything eggdgdgd then 2 hours later she asked me ab her and I'm like uhh I'm pretty sure she quit...

So then I guess she had said something to [relative coworker] ab it probably assuming she would take over basics and [rc] was like um no you do it. Just follow the layout it's very very easy (it literally tells you what item goes WHERE) and well NewLady didn't like that sgdggdgd so I guess they sent another new girl in and NL IMMEDIATELY took off and started bossing this poor kid around like she's been here forever and knows everything (been >1 year. Still doesn't know shit) which is so funny bc she keeps doing this with new people like stop sgdhdhd leave them be!! They're babies!! Be nicer!

Meanwhile I never tell the new people what to do bc I figure you have 3+ adults telling you what to do, usually the same thing by each person, you dont need a 20 something bossing you, another 20 something around acting like your boss (we have BratBoy for that)

Anyways I got half my section looking really nice 🥰 and didn't stress ab basics or the gazillion pallets on the floor bc until yall start recovering my area, I'm not doing basics unless theres no one else to do it that day

[doing-something-unholy]

(dream anon) [they can't believe that they actually almost confessed like that--that word was something reserved for…well, at least a few real months of actual dating, but it was such an easy thing to (almost) say. maybe it was the dopamine and the adrenaline but it just feels so different from any other time they've done this. regardless, though, they know they need to slow down. they don't want this to get too complicated, not yet.] i do like cooking so i don't mind. mm, maybe it would be better if i told you what i have and then we can decide together. i have ramen--lots of ramen, actually, i accidentally bought a bulk thing online. [they laugh softly, pausing in the backrub to run their fingers through his hair, kissing his brow.] i also make a mean turkey pesto panini. oh and it might not be the lightest but i can do pancakes and fruit too. or we could always order in, i won't be offended. // ajfbgbm me frantically googling 'what do people eat for lunch' bc i'm in my granola bar/yogurt/bowl full of nuts era 😂

Oh, that turkey pesto panini sounds interesting. That'll work wonderfully. All of it sounds good, to be honest, but I don't think I've had a pesto panini before.

[I still don't really want to move, but I also haven't eaten since this morning. And that sandwich does sound incredible. (And I'm very grateful they didn't notice how awkward I got just then.)

I kiss them one more time, and sigh.]

I suppose that means we have to get up, doesn't it?

[I reluctantly untangle myself from their arms, trying to get up while avoiding sitting directly on anything. My backside is better than it was, but still somewhat tender. I... don't remember where my clothes ended up, looking around for them is step one.]

[observer-of-the-world]

Okay okay completely hijacking the post bc this was such a neurodivergent post and it made me think of how nd brains work with expectation., or at least mine.

Something that happened so long ago that I'm still guilty over is this one time when my then girlfriend surprised me. We were in a long distance relationship and one day she decided to visit me without telling me. Now, for a neurotipycal this might sound super cute, as I'm sure it was what she thought, but for a lot of nd ppl disrupting a routine is one of the worst things that can happen to you (my case)

Anyway, I was super excited abt that day's lunch menu at the uni (it was my favorite dish) but I was getting my T-shot at a clinic and it was taking too long and I'd have to run for my life if I wanted to catch the uni restaurant open.

So the moment I was released I started running. But then someone shouted "hey!". I turned around, but didn’t see anyone, bc I don't have family in this town and my friends knew I was there and would've said something if they were also at the clinic, so my brain wasn't looking for known faces, it was looki g for who had shouted, but the person didn't say anything else só i didn’t find them.

I turned back around and am about to start running once more when the same voice shouts again "I'm talking to you, boy!" Now I know they're talking to me, but I'm losing precious minutes and there's no good reason for anyone to wanna talk to me so I'm mad as all hell, which makes me turn around with a scowl and growl "WHAT?! I'M FUCKING LATE!"

The thing is, the fucking thing is that my brain was definitely not ready to recognize my girlfriend two states away from where she's supposed to be, standing right in front of me. So it takes me about 5 whole fucking seconds of angry silence (i'm waiting for a reply) to realize that it's her and that I have just angrily yelled at her instead of happily hugged her. She had been silent bc it was supposed to be a "ta-da i'm here!" moment, but I didn’t fucking react to her presence because i didn’t fucking RECOGNIZE MY OWN GF!!!

And now I know I can't feign happiness bc it'll be too fake, so I just hug her and do an awkward "what are you doing here?" And she’s visibly disappointed at my reaction and I'm still thinking abt the awesome lunch I'm missing.

It was one of the worst experiences of my life, but I just wanted to tell this story bc ppl work differently. The person OP was talking to obviously thought a ring was the coolest rock ever, but OP (and probably many of us) disagree and imagined a common but awesome rock, and got disappointed, even if a ring is traditionally "better", because our expectations were so different.

Overall, my girlfriend visiting me should be "better" than a dish that would be served again in 10 days, but I wasn't expecting my gf that day and I had been thinking of that damn dish for 3 days, so subjectively, I was disappointed at her keeping me from eating the food I wanted, even if in other cases her presence made me much happier than food.

Anyway, humans are weird and don't ever visit me without telling me first

my friend told me that her boyfriend got her a super cool rock while they were on vacation together and you would not BELIEVE my disappointment when i realized she was talking about her engagement ring

[thepresentdayandtense]

around this time of year I always feel weird because my birthday is around the corner. I have always been really sensitive about my birthday mainly because of the people I used to be around who didn't care about it. and my parents don't really make it a big deal either. they didn't even do anything for my sister or attempt to set anything up for her. granted she's in college and I tried to get her to do dinner or lunch and she was just busy doing her own thing. but idk, no one in my family seems to really care about birthdays so I inherited this weird being sensitive about my birthday thing from the fact that I felt so uncared about on it. which is a big reason why I liked having boyfriends, because they kind of have to care. but friends are supposed to too. I always showed up for everyone's birthday, cleared my schedule just in case they had something planned. I'm so big on showing up. and of course, the friends I had didn't actually gaf about my birthday or would only do something that was beneficial to them. you think I wanted to go out to trolley on my 23rd? nope. I wanted to do philly. but kiera got an attitude bc that was too much of an inconvenience for her. I wanted to do philly last year too. but gina and kiera were weird about it. funny enough, the only people who seemed to care were sam and ashley, girls I wasn't nearly as close with. I always said, for the past couple years now to myself, that my birthdays will be so much better once these friends are gone. I rememeber wanting to make plans for my 23rd and barely anyone answered. aka gina and kiera. kiera would always recommend doing something at her house, asking to bring her gfs (who were rude afff to me), anything beneficial to her. it happened every. single. year. still have all the texts to snap me back to reality if I ever feel like missing her. but my birthdays a sore subject because I never really felt cared about on it. even sama when we were dating didn't say it to me at 12 because we got in a fight. viewed my story however. I had to reach out to him via snap on my own bday. and he said it via snap because I was mad. idk, idk why I let myself around these people for so long. and of course now they all validate each other about me. they're all bullies who like to victim shame and fall victim themselves to group think. will not be missed. like I said, if I have to be lonely for a couple of holidays and birthdays to find the people meant for me, then i'll do it. I would rather die than live through my last couple birthdays again. i'm glad I won't have to anymore.

[prongsmydeer]

Ayesha Liveblogs The New Employee

Fascinated by the Audrey Hepburn mural in this residential South Korean neighbourhood. Reminds me of the Bob Dylan mural I saw in Kyoto LOL

"The new employee should at least be an assistant manager. What's up with an intern?" To be fair, a lot of people love to cut costs, and interns are very underpaid

"To start working at nine, you should come to work by at least 8:30am." Firstly, no, you don't owe your work any unpaid time. Secondly, how was Seung Hyeon supposed to? He couldn't get in bc none of you gave him a keycard!

"He's good looking." [Gasps and covers mouth] LOL Seung Hyeon

At least Kang Hae is doing some onboarding for Seung Hyeon, even if no one else is

I don't know who this marketing guy is, but I already don't like his vibes based on him interrupting Seung Hyeon's lunch

"If another team asks for your cooperation again like this, ask me first. If I'm not in, tell them to email you and put me as CC." Department Head Kim to the rescue!

LMAO WHY THE NOTEBOOK TUG-OF-WAR?? What kinda weird workplace energy:

" Yu Seong?" "Seung-hyeon?" Weel weel weel, is this the second lead of the series?

"[Rainbow Rice Cake welcomes all sexual minorities]" Not to be Asian and bisexual, but it sincerely gets to me whenever I see Asian media of any kind where gay people just get to like. Exist. Be around, regardless of their importance to the plot. So I love the Rainbow Rice Cake Club:

Also now realizing that when Yu Seong talked about the group he attended and Seung Hyeon immediately cut him off it was because he didn't want to be outed at work, omg

"Do you remember my first love, Jong Seok? He looks just like Jong Seok." Yu Seong is really making the rounds flirting at this table

"You even went to grad school because of that bastard." I really like Ji Yeon, she's great. Also, not him getting a graduate degree because of a cute boy LOL

[In Seung Hyeon's thoughts as he looks at Jong Chan] "I want to you to meet and date a good person." The last few office romances I have seen have been people who were already childhood friends who rediscover each other at the workplace, sometimes as a boss and sometimes not, but as these two are straight-up boss and intern, I'm like: Y'all cute, but also, don't date your boss!

Seung Hyeon's sixty second elevator pitch at the copier on how to improve this ad campaign khgkjgh

"You did this before, too. Why do you keep pushing our intern around?" Jong Chan has no social graces and has had enough of the Marketing Team

Also the way that Jong Chan has been holding onto Seung Hyeon's wrist through this whole interaction. Girl (gender neutral) what are you doing?

"I don't have any, but he has a very good idea, CEO." Jong Chan says my team credits our interns for their ideas!!

I do love the CEO in her pink suit, I hope she's as fun as her outfit

"It's also the worst thing about our company. People at the top get all the credit. Your idea will look like it's mine or even the CEO's, or the company's. And your participation in this project doesn't guarantee a permanent position." I appreciate Jong Chan being really clear about the expectations

The way that Seung Hyeon smiles at like, everything is soooo endearing. He is just a nice man!

"He said, 'Because it's you, Seung Hyeon.' He discounted all other reasons." "Did he confess his feelings to you?" "Not really, but it feels like it." Seung Hyeon said: I will romanticize my own office experiences 🥰🥰

"Hey, isn't Seung Hyeon totally your type?" Still seems like a bold thing to say about his intern, Yu Seong

I'm not going to lie, I wasn't going to even liveblog this show until this drinking interaction, but Jong Chan grabbing the glass out of Seung Hyeon's hand and drinking for him when the person asking is just his homie felt so dramatic I needed to react. Oh my god:

"Not at all. We can't date. Because we're the famous, Rainbow Rice Cakes." [Does the Wave] "Don't listen to her, it's nothing." HAHAHAH Seung Hyeon doing the wave too before he tries to stop Ji Yeon. He couldn't resist!

KJHGKJHHJGKHGK????? Not Jong Chan responding to Seung Hyeon tripping by giving him a little kiss on the cheek

"Don't give it any thought. It was a mistake." How is Seung Hyeon not supposed to think about his boss kissing him???

"I don't even know what I like or what I'm good at. I want to find out what they are." I bet you will, Seung Hyeon!

"Most people think those who make ads are weird and crazy, but I think differently." Jong Chan, with the kindest intent, you are giving at least a little weird and crazy

"I don't think he's a regular player." HAHAH not Seung Hyeon immediately looping Kang Hae into the office gossip

"Director Kim might be trying to form his own clique because time is running out." Why does the Marketing Team do nothing but cause problems? People in marketing pls confirm

Ahhhh, now we know who Yu Seong is, a client of the firm

I hate the marketing team, they need to leave Seung Hyeon alone!!

"Did you come because you were worried?" To be fair, it seems like Jong Chan's worry is entirely merited giving they were forcing to drink by pouring liquor on your head????

An incredibly questionable time to kiss him, but the tiptoes are fun:

Ffkjhfjhfkfh Seung Hyeon at the coffee machine: I don't care what the circumstances were, I LOVE making out with my boss

LMAO @ Kang Hae defining everything that's going on by webtoons. Seems putting a little too fine a point on it

"Who the hell is he? Who was your first kiss? Is he in Planning Team 1? Team 2?" [Seung Hyeon gestures at Kang Hae and her camera] [Ji Yeon screams] I NEED TO KNOW WHERE THIS COMPANY VLOG THAT KANG HAE IS DOING LIVES!!! Why does she think it's fine to film the details of his personal life??

"Then after you get off work, let's go to the movies." No one in this office has any sense of professionalism

Not the voices of Jong Chan's ex-boyfriends haunting him while he waits for his dinner date with Seung Hyeon:

"I won't do anything funny, so relax." [Seung Hyeon smiles and fidgets] [Whispers] "You look like you want me to do something funny." HAHAHAH, I was also thinking this, Jong Chan

"You can't be too quick to discern what's real or not. They could all be true love." [...] "You're amazing." I hope that Kang Hae and Ji Yeon date

Why are all of these people getting their romantic advice from webtoons jkhkgjhfhkjhf HAHA

Seung Hyeon is really incapable of having a poker face for someone with a secret office romance (well, not so secret anymore, now that he did a spit take the first time someone mentioned Jong Chan's name)

I love that the CEO always throws her pen in the air and then chants, "Nice catch" (in English) whenever someone gets it haha

"But to have that kind of rumour suddenly spreading is also a failure on [Jong Chan's] part. He failed to conduct himself properly!" "You're right. We can't let him get away with this." Get away with what? Having a boyfriend?

Jong Chan is ALSO so bad at hiding this romance, given the canoodling at work. They are not beating the office romance allegations:

I love Jong Chan consistently making sure that everyone knows this was Seung Hyeon's idea!!!

I imagine Mr. Sold Out's instagram post ft. Office Romance Boys is only going to add fuel to the fire for Jong Chan's clique rumours

"It's okay. Work is your priority. I want to understand things that are important to you." Seung Hyeon is the cutest man alive

"Let's do this once we closer." "How do I get closer to you? By being more caring?" Alright, you've sold me on the boss-employee romance. I tried to hold out because it's not the best idea, but they are soooo sweet

You see, I THINK the white undershirt is supposed to give sexual encounter, but Cherry Magic tricking me has made me doubtful that it could just be a sleepover

Omg, did Seung Hyeon leave just because he saw Yu Seong's pen in the bedroom? Couldn't he have just borrowed a pen from him?? Or was it a gift from Seung Hyeon?

"He looked so excited to get his lover the fountain pen engraved with his initials." OHHHH, it's because Yu Seong and and Jong Chan may have dated

(I do think Seung Hyeon is being a little unreasonable about it by just not talking to him. But, it's his first relationship, so I get it)

Also. Yi Jeon scream-crying along with Seung Hyeon in solidarity. Bestie behaviour

"It doesn't matter who he dated in the past either. A relationship is led by two people. You two are dating for the first time, so it's important to get to know each other." Solid advice from Yi Jeon

"I'm too caught up in my love life these days. I'm so unprofessional." When ur right, ur right, Seung Hyeon

Couple's Counselling in the Communal Supply Closet:

"How am I supposed to interpret it if you leave like that after spending the night together?" Again, I would like some clarity on the night together

"We dated for a bit. Of course, I have no feelings for him anymore. You know how small the dating pool is in our world. It's normal to stay friends with your ex." Well-communicated and true

Okay, no need to call Seung Hyeon's feelings a "pathetic crush," Jong Chan

"Why can't people be cool about this?" Oh, like YOU were cool about it by lambasting him an office supply closet

"I could be more understanding about it since it's his first relationship." Yes, you could!

HAHAHAH THE CAT TEXTING ON JONG CHAN'S BEHALF:

I really did think that the cat text was going to move the plot along

Team Leader Choi is blaming Seung Hyeon for the retreat booking falling through even though he didn't have another card to pay it with??? This workplace takes no responsibility for anything LOL

Also, the flat bangs do a lot of work in making Jong Chan look younger. They're only 5 years apart but the office look ages him

"But I want to understand you from now on. I can't take away the heartbreak from when you had to pick out that damn fountain pen, but I'll do my best to make you think that all the heartache with Yu Seong led you to me. Could you give me another chance to get closer to you?" Awww, that's a nicer approach

Also, Jong Chan to himself: I can only emotionally advance my relationship when one of us has been drinking

"I'll be more honest from now on.""It's okay to fight. We can just work it out together." We love a communication

The flirt texting at the work retreat with all of their coworkers between them LOOOOL

Truly they are as subtle as a flying brick, their coworkers are literally right there:

"You can call me 'Hyeong.'" I know that some people do actually do this, but I will never understand people using brother/sister honorifics/suffixes in romantic contexts!!! It is not for me!! You will NEVER catch me didi/dada-ing a partner

Hahahaha, the way they both nerd out over the ads they watch

"I'll apply for the Planning Team. The Strategic Planning Team could be a better fit for me, but I want to try for the Planning Team. It's my first time discovering what I think I can do well and work hard on." Go Seung Hyeon!!!

"Do you believe in me?" [Pushes boyfriend into pool] HAHAHA

Screaming at them using this pool shenanigan to hide from their coworkers bothering them after work:

Awwwww Jong Chan sharing his good luck talisman with Seung Hyeon for his interview

"Unfortunately, we are not able to hire you this time." Wow, realistic but harsh. What are the chances it has anything to do with him dating his boss?

"I think Department Head Kim is trying to start something in the company with that kid beside him." Ohhhhh nothing to do with their actual relationship, everything to do with clique accusations and Marketing Team Being Jerks

Team Leader Choi asking about Seung Hyeon's results like he didn't sabotage him!!!!!! Ass.

"Aigo, just how badly did you mess up?" Team Leader Choi, I will bite you

"I guess I expected too much. They took me in as an intern, so I thought I could become a full-time employee as well." Kang Hae didn't get in EITHER? This company is so rude to their interns

"I'm not doing this as your boyfriend. I think this company really needs you." Jong Chan <3

They are both so sad and mad about the interview sabotage :((((((

Ohhhhhh, so this is the purpose of the vlogging! They're going to make a short film on their internship experience for closure

"A video I made with leftover footage. Watch it when you feel down." Money's on boyfriend vlog

"But I heard this intern didn't get in." "Why?" I hope AR Communications eats some humble pie after all this!!!!

Does Mr. Sold Out watching the video mean he will hire Seung Hyeon for internal marketing? I hope so

"I, Kim Jong Chan, would like to make an offer to Wu Seung Hyeon, the most passionate man when it comes to ads, as the head of JS Planning, a start-up company." OMGGGGG I kinda figured Jong Chan was going to quit (or at least threaten to), but I didn't think they'd start working together. This is the kind of boss-dating that is sustainable, starting a business with your boyfriend!

"I lo- l-love-" "Do you love me?" "That wasn't romantic at all." CUTE

HAHAHA Team Leader Choi being demoted for causing problems in the recruitment process

Jong Chan hired Ji Yeon and Kang Hae too!! BUDDY BUSINESS

Also, I have just learned that the movie has additonal scenes so running commentary on those now:

LOL @ THEM putting in a car scene after the cheek kiss just for it to be them sitting in silence

The movie confirms that White Undershirt WAS an indication of sex. Good for them!

I love them all (and I still want Ji Yeon and Kang Hae to date):

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Monday, January 29th, 2024!

8:00am he doesn't have any grasp of how poorly he handled money while living here. Didn't know when bills were due how much they cost and never bothered to ask. Just wanted me to keep asking him for money like a fucking bank. Does not grasp the concept of why would I ask you for money when every other week you asked me for weed money (indicating you literally didn't even have $40?). How am I supposed to turn around and ask you for bill money?

No longer my problem!! He's my friend not my problem, I'll find a partner who is willing to understand how things work OR already knows and I don't have to teach them how to be an adult! Can you imagine? I can I know there's guys out there that handle all of their own finances and that's very attractive! I want that! :) *manifesting** lol ✨✨

It's not your responsibility to explain to him what he did wrong. X 1000 queen 💅

12:14pm Checking in, just got out of class, want to get lunch and do work after! There's a bunch of teeny tiny things to do this week. It's cold outside too!! Freezing my feet and a lack of blood circulation lol.

11:43pm day kind of was a drag due to an uncoordinated group project and untimed meeting but we go on!

Weaponized incompetence! That's the word lmao, yeah she can have that! Oof idk man just doesn't sit right with me, but it's not my problem anymore! Yayyyy :) I really need to figure out how to redirect my mind when I feel like telling him some bs he did to me. I did really well and I'm proud of myself today for asking him first if he wanted to hear my rant and he said no politely lmao and I think that was smart for me. It just kind of subsided, at least enough for me to get my work done today. I just want to keep focusing on me :) always something I can be doing for myself tbh, don't really need to be doing things for an incompetent partner 😎 she can have thattt.

Tbh I feel like I'm just gonna live my whole "life" and probably not f around with settling down until I'm at least 30 and I'm cool with that lol. What's the rush, I don't want any crotch monsters so I really dgaf about all that (plus there's fostering etc). I kind of want to get off the dating/ relationship reddit stuff bc it's just not realistic tbh 😅 I don't want to compromise, I don't want to fuck around on someone else's schedule, I literally don't want someone telling me anything what to do, nothing I don't want to hear a man's opinion 😂 probably not the best time in my life to start dating haha

So yeah they always say, what do you want out of a relationship rn? Still nothing serious, I'm not serious, I would love a fwb, I would love a concert buddy, I want a happy hour buddy, club buddy, watching sports together buddy, and these really don't have to be men btw (men are low-key trash another reason I should not be dating haha bc I will be mean AF). Just vibe, my new year's resolution was to have more friends and I think I'm on the right track :) I definitely am having a healthier mindset now, making friends was not on my to-do list 3/2 months ago 👀👀 but that's what growing is about!

I feel bad that my ex isn't getting this same self growth but 🤷 what tf am I supposed to do with that info lol I guess he just perfectly knows himself..... 🤣🤡 The end.

[quanonthecob]

Hải Phòng Food Tour Personal Review

Needed some place to archive this hell of an essay, and I remember Tumblr is a thing so here we are, reviving my Tumblr account.

Tried to bold the word "Personal" in the title but it doesn't stand out as much on mobile. So just in case, these are just my personal reviews/opinions (though I do include a few others' opinions as well) and consult these at your own risk ig.

1. Bánh mỳ Khánh Nạp @ 192 Hàng Kênh

Visited this place first. Apparently, Cột Đèn is a better-known brand, but this one has been around for longer and their breadsticks are supposedly better. My mom has always bought breadsticks here and brought it home whenever she visits HP.

Anyway, same thing, we only visited and bought the breadsticks to go. Didn't get to have a proper look at the shop but it seems pretty small, doesn't seem like there's any place to sit (though I guess you can stand outside, but still, not much space). The place is near a T-junction so if you go by car (like I did today), you can freely wiggle around without much problem.

I suppose it's also worth mentioning that we went there in the morning (around 9? 10? am), so it's not as crowded, because I heard the shop can get really busy at times and you'll probably have to wait for a bit, especially if you're buying a large amount.

2. Chè dừa dầm - Cà phê cốt dừa cô Hằng @ 124a Lam Sơn

Went to this place next. The street is quite narrow, and it's also a market, so it's a bit hard to move around here, even with motorcycles. Still, you can ask for help with parking and the owners will help you out if you're going by car.

Only tried out 2 drinks (desserts more like?) at this café: Chè dừa dầm and Cà phê cốt dừa (I'm too lazy to find the proper translation for these but one is a sweet soup and one is coffee, both have coconut). To be fair, they are the most recommended ones, and they are indeed really good. Chè dừa dầm is pretty sweet. Some people may dislike the sweetness but I kinda have a sweet tooth, so I love it. I like cà phê cốt dừa. The coffee taste is not too strong (again, some people, like my mom, may not like it as much), so it's quite perfect for me. The amount of jelly and boba is a tad bit unnecessary but eh, I don't mind it that much.

3. Bánh đa cua Bà Cụ @ 51 Lạch Tray

Stopped here for lunch. There was another place nearby that was also recommended, but we didn't try it out because it's a bit more miserable than the one I went to (sounds kinda elitist honestly now that I think of it, but well, it's my mom's decision). So yeah, just for references, you (or I) can try out the place at 48 Lạch Tray next time.

Wide street, plenty of space for parking. The place can be easily recognised as the sign uses pretty vibrant colours (during the daytime at least, not sure if there are lights for nighttime but looks like there are?).

The food itself is... meh. Had Nem cua bể and Miến cua thập cẩm. Nem cua bể is like grinded crab meat with bean sprouts, wrapped in batter then fried. It was alright. It's big, it has a nice smell and taste, tho a bit bland, and also rather expensive. About miến cua thập cẩm (vermicelli noodles with crab meat and also a gazillion extra things), we had it with some absurdly big Quẩy (fried dough). The noodles weren't as soft as I would've expected, and that's a huge minus. The broth and meat were decent. All in all, I'm not very fond of what had for lunch.

~~~

So uh, yeah, that's really it. Really should have visited more place to eat, like at least a seafood restaurant or sth, but we had plans to go elsewhere, so we just went there instead.

Kinda made this so that if I have the chance to go again, I know what to look for and to avoid. Also used some others' advice while on the trip, I'm gonna put them here, especially when I have not tried them all.

also this

and here's a list of addresses of reputable/recommended place to eat

Not gonna add too many tags bc I don't feel like publicising this shitty mess of a post. After all, I just want sth to look back on if I get to visit this city again.

[tiredofthehumanlife]

You guys want to hear some real petty drama

This couple (nasty they are) keeps sitting with me at lunch (disgusting)

Lemme set the scene so at my school we have like tables and booths and two of the booths are up against the wall and there's two long seats facing each other yk restaurant style and then they are more booths off to the side of those I normally sit in the first booth against the wall so that's where encounter 1-4 happens the fifth one is in the booth behind the first one so and also everytime I have sat in the booth first and then they go and just decide to sit with me (this actually makes me boil with anger)

First time this happened I was already having a really pissy day so I just glared at them. I was so uncomfy I didn't eat my lunch. so these two are like all up on each other 24/7 and like kissing and sharing food and like sitting on top of each other. if you're in your own booth sure maybe it's weird but you're in your own area not my business but like I was sitting in the booth first and then you come and sit down next to me unprompted and I'm just supposed to be chill with you trying to jump each other's bones every two seconds? And one of them got a slushie and then they were sharing it with two spoons (sure whatever) but then they did that thing where you cross arms yk the thing ppl do when they eat wedding cake and the guy missed the girls mouth and the slushie got on her shirt and he went "oh no baby 🥺 you got it on yourself you made a mess 🥺" like in a baby voice yk you get it and then wiped her shirt for her. dude get away from me

Then second time at this point I'm boiling dude pick somewhere else to sit it's not like they ran out of seats these two get there relatively early so they're just sitting there for funsies and I'm like annoyed and uncomfortable bc again they are all up on each other

Third time again I'm sitting alone Im in a booth and these two walk over and sit on the other side of this booth and are again all. Up. On. Each. Other. Get a room it's nasty people are trying to eat

Fourth time I'm sitting with my friend same booth same side and they come and sit on the other side

Then today I sat in a different booth near the first one that I normally sit in bc they make me so incredibly uncomfortable that I'd rather just move someone else and then I see them and there is a girl sitting in the first booth right and they're standing there next to her like 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♂️ okay and then they ask the girl if she can move bc it's "their spot" which bitch this is not an assigned seat situation this is first come first serve eat or eaten (it's a highschool cafeteria its not that big of a deal) and this girl obviously goes "uh no?" And they're like "but it's our spot" and she's like "still no?" And then they just stand there like they've lost all options (which they haven't btw there was another open booth next to them) and then they come and SIT IN MY BOOTH and they drop their bags and the girl walks off to go get a tray but her boyfriend stays there and I'm upset and frustrated so I said "why do y'all do this?" And tbh I thought I whispered it to myself but then he turns around and goes "you're one person stop hogging it😡" which first of all there are so many other seats youre the one hogging up other people's personal space and secondly I'm not one person so now you just look foolish and they sat there for the rest of the lunch period all up on each other

And I know it's a dumb hill to die on and it's really petty but these two gross me out so much and they're just so entitled that I've started plotting how I'm going to get them to go away

Here's my plan next time I get there I'm going to sit in the other booth not the first one they have decided is theirs the one behind it and I'm putting my bag on the other side and sitting opposite my bag and then if they say anything "sorry someone's sitting there" and then if they say anything after that I'll just be crazy petty and be like "I wouldn't want to hog a booth but I have friends I'm eating with today sooo"

[yariktrapov]

CONTROVERSIAL TAKE

Warning: i am going twitter mode controversial.

So. I watched that one video essay about abortion and it was supposed to advocate for pro-choice, and i was pro-choice originally, but i think i switched side to some gray area.

So. I, as a person, am lazy. Extremely lazy. So i don't research topics if not much depends on it. If i don't need it for a debate or a assignment i'm not gonna think on it too hard.

So my core morals are mostly based on feelings, not thoughts. And i'm sure many people out there are just like me.

So. This video. I suggest you watch it. Very enlightening.

The questions i had was: 1. When is it immoral to get an abortion? And we kinda got the answer in the video: when the person expresses their desires which is at birth.

But.. does it?

No! I disagree.

So that prompts another question.

2. When does the future person gets desires they can express?

The desire comes from the new human, so the human must have something to create this desire. I am hinting onto a little thing called a nervous system.

So. Basically. I think a fetus can express desires, we just don't have the technology to observe it yet.

For example: the felus shifts in the tummy, and kicks and stuff. It does so because it wants to. A desire is here.

But also there's another question: Can the desire be expressed through the pregnant person? Like cravings. Does those count? Can we say that the fetus wants a certain chemical and requests it through its bearer? Or is the fetus a natural part of the pregnant persons body and not a separate entity and therefore it can't have desires before some point in time? So. I

I am stopping my thought right now. Fuck, i got a terrible unrelated realization.

I think i'm in the house of a psycho rn actually. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I feel scared now. Fuck.

I didn't get a dorms room (those are extremely cheap and i am, as my family is dirt poor). So my mom asked his friend to give me a place to stay. He gives her a place to stay all the time so one more person won't be an issue.

I met this guy a few times, he gave me and my mom a few rides, he's kinda aggressive in the roadrage department, but a good driver. Very talkative also.

But i met many of my mom friends so they all blend into the same image for me. I forget the details she tells me because they all have similar names, faces and mannerisms. I can't tell them apart, literally. I meet them so rarely.

So. I meet this guy again. He has the "All women belong in the kitchen" mentality, but to be honest, all of her friend have this shit. I tolerate it, because these dudes are kinda a big deal, i get a few benefits for my great acting job. But yeah, that's not concerning.

We get into his car and he tells me that we're gonna clean his house today, because he does those "clean thursdays" and it's totally is his thing. My mom confirmed he made her clean and cook for him, bc woman. But he did help with the cleaning.

He shauferred us around for our errands for a while and i was a bit creeped out for his smile but it was ok, i get scared of men a lot, that's chill.

So we get to the place and my first thought is: "Poggers! There's no carpets and the furniture is all leather. It will be a piece of cake cleaning up in here!

So we made lunch, ate it together while listening to some typical Alpha male war podcast. Sketch.

We start cleaning up. I do the kitchen. I thought i did a decent job but then i went to look how they were cleaning.

They. Were. Wiping the fucking walls and everything with the window cleaner. And i mean everything! Normal things: TV, windows, mirrors. But also: doors, walls, wooden furniture. Idk if literally anyone else does that!

AND HE DOES IT EVERY WEEK APPARENTLY!

IT WAS HILARIOUS AT THE MOMENT BUT NOW IT'S FUCKING NOT.

So i thought he was just a dude obsessed with cleaning and misogyny. Wierd but not totally out of the ordinary.

And then i made a convo that went something like this:

Him: Good job cleaning.

Mom: Are you feeling tired?

Me: Yeah. I was tired from the journey before! I didn't need anymore work today.

Him: Well, now i won't give you anymore work today. We'll see about tomorrow though.

Me: And that's how he treats his guests.

Him: That's how i treat the guests i like!

Me: Oooh, i get it. Where's the shotgun?

Mom: Yarik! (Well, she said my real name but i won't get my name on the internet nonono)

*end of convo*

And that's when it hit me. The fucking shotgun.

FYI

Owning firearms is kinda illegal here. Owning guns comes with a legal reason, a permit and BIG SURVEILENCE.

There was one friend whose shotgun my mom found in the closet while cleaning.

Ha!

It was. him.

I did not remember it was him! These men, they are all the same to me! I did not remember the name!

So then i started theorizing.

We have a bald strong kinda violent man, with misogynistic war-obsessed mentality. Who owns a gun and does a casual deepclean every week, has no wife, kids or pets and has leather non-absorbant furniture. (Also i missed to tell you that he's a devoted patriot, a communist and he's also gives out insults like candy on halloween)

So i think there's 3 scenarios:

1. That man is afraid someone will plant a corpse in his house and frame him.

2. He might be afraid of someone intruding on his house and doing something to him or his house. So he accepts the possibility of shooting a perpetrator.

3. He's a fucking phycho and thinks he can shoot us if we disobey him! I am panicking i am panicking i am panicking i am panicking. Wtf wtf wtf wtf He's got a gun in a big city. With a silenser btw. Why?!? My mom thought he was a sniper. Sniper my ass, he's a psycho. Crazy person

Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy.

If you can't tell i did this because i need to calm down.

And i can't to my mom about it because she's a terrible lier and an even more terrible actor.

I'm sure i can play it cool for like a week or two. I'm a champion at ignoring my problems. I'll finish my problematic rant later when i don't feel my heart in my feet.

[milo-is-rambling]

Don't want to sleep bc when I woke up this morning it was too early so I went back to bed and spent like two hours falling in and out of sleep and in and out of a dream about my dad where he was alive again (weird as fuck to say that cause it still has not actually clicked in my brain that my dad is dead) and he kept trying to do things in the dream like go to sleep or go into a different room and I was like talking him out of it and I kept my eye on him constantly so he couldn't leave and it was like he got away from me and went to bed or something and the second he walked out of the room we were in I woke up and then I just kind of stared at my ceiling feeling bad for like an hour and it fucking sucked and my mom wasn't home when I got up again cause it was like noon and she had a work lunch today and left at 11 so I was home alone with my dog and I had that dream and then felt really truly alone and I realized that my dad dying fucked with my already bad abandonment issues and like I know that he didn't die and leave me on purpose obviously but like he's missing from my life now and he's not gonna be with me through all these future experiences I imagined having him there for like I'm not dating anyone and haven't dated anyone like long term serious recently so he's not gonna be able to ever meet the person I truly fall in love with or like be at my wedding and he's never gonna be able to have a Christmas together with me and my future family or even have grandkids and my dad loves kids and my neighbor (his best friend) has grandkids who knew my dad and like I played with them in the pool and we hung out a lot this last year and there's one kid who has the same name as my dad so they always said little bill and big bill for my dad and his friends grandkid and next time they come to visit we have to tell them something happened to big bill and he's not gonna be around anymore and it just fucking sucks. Death sucks Greif sucks I keep saying y'know "love doesn't go anywhere" "the pain of grief is just all the love you have to give still" "blah blah blah you're supposed to cry" but like I can say it as many times as I want I am still definitely not dealing with this at all. I barely legitimately cry about it like I'll drop like three tears when a specific song comes on Spotify shuffle but I haven't cried hard really and I avoid looking at pictures of him or anything or letting myself have any emotion about it and I think it's bc of this big huge shame monster I have in my chest that I call my heart but it truly does not let me experience emotions around other people like god damn I didn't realize how bad it was like I thought I had more control over it and I was just being edgy or whatever but I legitimately cannot handle crying in front of another person even my mom who I am the closest with out of anyone in my life like it's just me and my mom and millie and that's my whole fucking world and even with them I just can't let myself cry or feel actual emotion and the second I start crying I immediately lose all sadness I had cause my body just turns it off like someone fucking turned off a faucet like I cry a little bit completely alone when im driving and I can't really fully let it out cause I need to focus on driving that's the only way I can cry anymore cause even completely alone I am judging myself from my head and won't let myself cry and I keep trying and trying and I just do not know how to let myself cry and I feel like I have this giant inflatable swimming pool filling with so much water that it actually rips the plastic and explodes that's what I feel behind my eyes and nose at all times it's one big emotion blob right there and I can't fucking let it explode no matter how hard I try and I've been fucking trying. I rewatched all my crying shit and haven't been able to get an actual breakdown started at all it's pissing me off I want to just feel my feelings so I can work thru them but also every time I cry I feel so much shame like how do u fix that so I can cry really hard for like two months straight