#and i was so proud of myself for the bare minimum lmao

[yuuaregreat]

<3

[die-schwanenkoenigin]

After Hours [rated E]

“Jesus, Miranda. You taste—fuck. I still can’t believe I’m the only one who gets to see you like this. Who gets to taste you.”

“Only you. Oh, and you’re such a good girl, Andrea, aren’t you?”

Andy doesn’t respond. Not with words. Instead, she whimpers, and you feel the sound absolutely everywhere. All throughout your system.

You can’t leave now. You have to stay.

Or: You get yourself off watching Miranda and Andy have sex in one of the offices late at night.

[for @harrytoad]

》 Read on AO3

[real-total-drama-takes]

Damn emmater actually changed to sierrater. Time to follow through with my promise

Reminder before I begin that I don’t condone sierras actions and think the coderra plotline should have just been an obsessive crush with no physical violations of boundaries and consent

The first thing I adore about sierra is her personality. From the moment she’s introduced in the celebrity manhunt special we get to see her intense passion for total drama- she’s gone the extra mile to learn everything she can about total drama and it’s contestants. She’s just so enthusiastic about getting to meet everyone and I quite admire how excited she was to finally pursue her dream of being on the show. She’s a hilarious goofball every time she’s on screen and will always go the extra mile to fight for what she believes is right. Sierra is a MASTER at challenges and can very easily kick the asses (or save the lives of, remember Niagara brawls) of multiple people if that’s what it takes to achieve her goals.

I see a lot of myself in sierra. I’m autistic and headcanon that sierra is the same. She’s not the best with picking up social cues- Cody aside there’s several moments where she doesn’t seem to understand the hidden meaning behind some people’s actions; the “I think I sat in gum” scene being a good example. Theres a *lot* of instances of her stimming in front of the other contestants and she’s shown to be sensitive to loud noises and bright lights too. Idk, there’s just something about sierra that makes me feel so seen when I watch her in the show. I hate how a lot of autism rep is just white men with special interests in trains or some shit; we need more rep of the negative sides of autism where the failure to pick up social cues can cost us important relationships and make us come off as weirdos to other people and I feel like sierra is that rep.

I completely understand why some people are completely turned off by coderra and that’s 100% valid, but to me coderra remains the best ship of the show’s original run. I do not condone Sierra’s actions, but there were multiple coderra moments that I just couldn’t help but laugh really fucking hard at. Coderra has an amazing end to their story as well- there’s just something really sweet about Cody finally coming around and appreciating sierra as being more than just a stalker when she went the extra mile to celebrate his birthday after not even his parents remembered it. Not to mention Cody would literally be *dead* if it weren’t for sierra. She’s not only taken bullets for him both physically and metaphorically, but the girl straight up went underwater while wheelchair bound, pulled a shark up to land and then beat it up until it spit Cody back out (funny how both of my favorite td ships involve one partner saving the other from a shark I’m just now realizing this lmao) anyways, if not for sierra, Cody would have been shark food. Say what you want about sierra Cody fans but your fav would be dead without her.

I’m of the minority that actually enjoyed sierra during all stars. Yes, the cam-Cody arc was stupid but it did give us a few good jokes (“your ears are wrong and so is your face” gets me every time) but most importantly it proved something. Sierra never once stole Cameron’s stuff, forced herself upon him or went into spaces like his cabin without asking. While yes this is the bare minimum it proves that at the very least she’s made an improvement to her behaviors overtime and might actually be getting the help she needs. Character development is always nice to see!

If any of y’all are interested I actually made a slideshow for her appreciation day on the subreddit last year, it’s mostly the same points that I just gave but this is something I’m genuinely proud of https://www.reddit.com/r/Totaldrama/s/o5KCQJ0ltT

TLDR sierra is an amazing character who I feel strongly deserves more love for her positive qualities

-Sierrover (🐈)

[sucktacular]

Vent

At my parents place and have no words

Well actually I have too many words

If I ever ever ever talk about coming back here in the future someone PLEASE kill me instead it'd be less cruel

The moment I got in my old room I started sobbing and bawling my eyes out because this place is just so fucking disgusting and it truly shows my parents do not give a fucking shit about me or anything frankly

Dad gave me such a nice lil "I prommy we aren't disappointed and thus not keeping in touch as much we are actually just proud of you and trust you to take care of yourself out there" speech in the car when like LMFAO you're so funny I've literally been avoiding yall

And then don't even have the fucking brains or care to give me any clean sheets for my bed

Just two+ year old dirty sheets covered in pet hair and ceiling debris

Like I asked in AUGUST to come here like what the literal fuck is wrong with y'all (derogatory)

So my room had "water damage on the ceiling but we prommy it didn't leak" it did leak and the ceiling is literally cracked and falling down but okay I'll ignore the clear signs of a leak left in drippy dust on MY furniture I left

This house would make y'all vomit

Floors covered in ancient pet mess and the bathrooms.... Your skin would crawl. I don't even want to look at it let alone use it. I cleaned it with whatever cleaners I could find in the house cuz they also don't clean anything or have fucking dish soap to begin with let alone hand soap so that's cool and neat

Anyway please please tell me I'm a fucking idiot stupid moron and kick my ass if I ever talk about coming back here that doesn't involve "stopping by to pick up the last of my things"

They keep saying "hey if you wanna start over you're always welcome to come home" as if I wouldn't literally rather fucking kill myself than come LIVE here, let alone subject my poor fucking cat to this god forsaken house.

As if they weren't charging me $600 a month to live in my own fucking parents house when I literally had no where else to go when I was in my early 20s

but okay yeah sure I'll definitely come back to this moldy, putrid, rancid, and STILL piss smelling house to "start over"

I'd literally rather just end it man there's no way I'm ever coming back here

Y'all are deeply deeply fucked in the head

Like I thought I WAS BAD??? nawwwwwwwwww

Anyway I brought my own bed sheets and pillow and blanket cuz I figured it'd be better to be safe than sorry and I'm glad I did cuz I was exactly right that they wouldn't fucking do the bare minimum for my visit 👍

Leaving off on the only fucking positive I can muster from this fucking hell hole is I found a lot of my old cassettes and death note stuff I made and Pokemon cards and things

My lil Pikachu backpack from kindergarten... 🥺

Old sketch books

So to make it so I don't lose my god damn mind before Tuesday, I'll maybe share some photos of all that shit

Thank God I brought a whole fucking lot of weed with me LMAO (deeply pained laughter)

Also my dad is the most pissed off aggressive driver ever and I feel in fucking danger every time im in the car with him

Let alone a 2 hour drive from my place to theirs

End.

[evilpenguinrika]

1 & 18 for the fic writer ask pls~

1. what’s the fic youre most proud of? - Deep Fic Writer Ask Meme

I think the fic I'm really proud of is probably my Hosie fic, "So I Swear That I'll Protect It" It's the first multi-chaptered fic I started AND completed within the year (I started writing around Feb of 2022 and finished it on Nov 2022). Usually, with multi-chaptered fics, I end up losing steam in writing and letting it fizzle and then put it on hiatus (like a few other ones you may find on my ao3 lmao).

So the fact that I completed SISTIPI without any nonsense is definitely an amazing feat for me!

18. Do you only write when you’re inspired, or do you try and sit down at specific times and write no matter what? - Deep Fic Writer Ask Meme

Half and half.

I do sometimes try to kick my writing butt into writing a FEW words or sentences if I'm not feeling particularly motivated to write. I don't have like, a specific time I set for myself to write though. It sometimes just happen whenever and wherever

I'm currently writing a side-fic for the fic I just mentioned in the previous question--SISTIPI is part of a series--where it's like Valentine's day themed and there's 7 ch's but I'm working on ch6 but ALSO my motivation is like, not at ALL wanting to work on it because I also set a deadline for myself on when to post it??? So maybe that's why i'm not feeling particularly motivated because my brain is like "no that's a fake deadline" lol BUT I DO TRY! I do try to at least write a few words or sentences to push myself to get SOME progress

But when I do find inspiration to write, I will be tapping away on my keyboard or my phone (I've been writing a lot more on my phone these days, and leaving the editing on the laptop) and the word vomit will just pile out.

Oh, another trick tho that does sometimes help me when I'm forcing myself to write is to just get the bare minimum out and that I can always go back to take the time and add details or other flourishes. Just put out what needs to be written down and then go back to add more when necessary!

[nukirisame]

theres something about spending hours researching suicide while a cat is sleeping peacefully right next to you, truly not able to comprehend whats going on... i should really do it before he dies like her. he wont miss me, after all. he loves me, i can admit to that, but only because im kind to him. replace me with another person who pets his head and gives him treats and he wont care at all. its why being told that i shouldnt kill myself bc im a nice person is so demeaning lmao. being a nice person is the bare fucking minimum. i am not proud of being the bare minimum. why in the holy mother of fuck does just being nice make you a person worthy of staying alive, despite everything else

[mariahkathrynn]

I don’t miss you

i miss having a safe space

i miss being able to be completely honest

i miss feeling like i was being understood

or knowing that someone else was taking the time to understand

i miss not feeling exhausted after any interaction

i miss not having to constantly worry

i miss reliability

i miss seeing and feeling effort

i liked the new feeling

it was nice, fun

i’m proud of me for trying something new

a few years ago it would’ve been unimaginable

i wish i kept a lot of it to myself though

a lot of it was egged on,

but i knew what it was from the beginning

i’m happy i did it

cuz now i know lol (what not to do)

some updates:

social anxiety

sleep schedule is fucked

not eating

doing the bare minimum (unmotivated)

isolation

some stuff i learned:

life is short

you really don’t know what’s going on in someone else’s life

trust your intuition

have boundaries

i trust too easily

people fr match my energy

something good:

new music

faced some fears (chickens. literally)

mixology friday! (my new favorite stupid thing)

and snack friday lol

something i wanna do:

eat at a restaurant alone

incorporate exercise somehow. but i’m not going to a gym cuz fuck that

make myself a warm beverage in the mornings

wake up an hour early before i have to get my day started

finish “They Both Die at the End”

either do a puzzle, make a new painting

get back into video games

fix my sleep schedule

learn how to bake brioche donuts

make a good cinnamon roll recipe

clean out my closet

be more fearless!

get back into thrifting

things i’m struggling with:

finding joy in things i used to like

connecting w other people.

i literally cannot hold a conversation w anyone. causally talking to people makes me feel anxious. new people especially. and i literally want to throw up when i get asked out lmao. and i just ghost bc my brain doesn’t know how to explain to other ppl “i really want to hang out but my anxiety won’t allow me to even though i am in desperate need of socialization but the idea of it sounds so exhausting and i’m worried that u will think i’m weird/not worth/boring and that u feel u wasted your time, so on the safe side i’m going to decline even tho u do seem cool and feel like if my mentality allowed it, we’d be good friends” in a non-rude way. i can’t even hang out with my friends of 10 years without having this same thought process. i haven’t seen anyone since end of august. literally my worst nightmare came true. ok that sounded dramatic. it’s not the worst thing. but still doesn’t feel great.

i’m not the type to shit talk anyone. and i won’t. but fr my safe space feels taken away from me. and for no reason too. could’ve gone without it. i didn’t see the point. also the switch up was so fast. it was just crazy to me that you didn’t even try to hide it. or maybe it was out in the open all along. sure, you were just matching my energy. but i think that says a lot about who you are and what your intentions were. and i also think it says a lot about how fucking easy i fold whenever someone is nice to me. anyways, i could never be your friend. too fucking complicated.

[asociate]

.

[aro-aizawa]

im,,, actually writing bhaf??? well more like planning it and ooh boy the next chapter might be a mammoth one

i kind of want to get to usj as quickly as possible since i feel like this story is flagging and a bit boring without any kind of idk dramatic thing happening? i mean rn its all usual school stuff but yeah. so hopefully this chapter is gonna be waaay past 4k. 

look forwards to seeing tweaked battle trials, class president election, school panic and some good old relationship build between izuku and recovery girl bc honestly that last bit is like maybe 10% of the entire story, probably 15%.

[itrin]

TUA S3 (spoilers) 

first of all, holy shit????? like holy shit!!! this was by-far the most incredible season, in terms of acting, cgi, characterisation, sound and music, cinematography -- just intense and overwhelming and gripping and I ate it up in less than a day but anyways here are some of my specific thoughts, haphazardly listed and unsolicited:

viktor coming out and how it was handled was A++ like everyone was normal and chill and so readily accepting with some appropriate humour thrown in but also everyone still gave him shit regardless LMAO

like five "proud of u Viktor, ur an idiot though"

Five "pull this shit again and viktor, ill kill u myself" Hargreeves everybody, supportive but threatening

idk how to feel abt five telling viktor he's there for him but also telling him he'll kill him like??? asshole but I love him regardless, no-- because of it

on that note, never deadnaming viktor even in the heat of a brutal argument isn't something to be praised like it is -- it was a relief that no one deadnamed him even though they were furious and hurt ngl but also this is how its supposed to be!! bare minimum!! u dont deadname trans people even if, especially if, ur pissed at them

tua did an outstanding job handling viktor coming out, A+ for that, could not have asked for better

Luther wanting to give viktor mini sandwiches and throw him a brotherhood party!!! good!!

also that flashback of Allison telling viktor she'd love him no matter what juxtaposed with Allison telling viktor they should've left him in the basement: yikes

AND OMFG ALLISON!!! S3 ALLISON HARGREEVES!! ive genuinely never been more sacred for or of a fictional character like her actress, Emmy, was absolutely phenomenal

characters who're "good" and calm and always say/advocate for the "right" thing and are depended on to be, like, the glue of a group -- these characters falling apart in catastrophic ways will always be a fav of mine because thats Allison Hargreaves man she fell apart catastrophically and her hurt came at the expense of everyone

idc what anyone says I love how Allison was characterised this season I love how she was pushed to her breaking point and fucking broke: she lost her daughter in season 1 because she kept rumouring her rather than parenting her, and she didn't rumour in season 2 until she did and she went mad with power (not that I disagree with who that power was used against, yes queen make the racists burn themselves), and in season 3 she really, really fell into the depths of her power and self-destruction. she used it against viktor (good parallel to that season 1 confrontation in the cabin), used her power against Harlan to kill him, used it on herself

the Luther SA scene was fucked up and unnecessary imo and I had to skip it when I realized where it was going but again: holy fucking shit

also Allison trying to use her powers on herself??? to rumour herself to be happy?? yeah that was fucking heartbreaking like shit

again: Emmy's acting was spectacular like all the dark, hard looks, the screaming "shut your mouth," the breaking-down-and-sobbing just everything like I cannot applaud enough

okay Diego and Lila and Stan and the unborn baby was Wow. A Thing. Very Lila and Diego like ngl and Stan rlly did grow on me and then he fucking got obliterated but seeing Diego come to grips with being a father was so good; at first, he pushed Stan away and out of his sight bc he was busy and had other, more important things to worry about but then Stan came to him for affection and hugged him and cried in front of him when Klaus died and just!! it was good!

Lila has a special place in my heart but her idea of lying to Diego about who Stan is to test him as a father but very in-character and wow both of them reassuring each other they'll be good parents was lovely to see

ANOTHER THING THAT WAS LOVELY TO SEE WAS LUTHER AND SLOANE AND THEM FALLING IN LOVE AT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE Luther deserves good things and seeing him basically say "fuck you" to Reginald constantly was great and therapeutic for me as much as it probably was for him

man oh man oh man poor viktor fucccccc like this guy cant catch a break as much as five can; constantly being blamed for ending the world even though the root cause was Reginald and viktor didn't have as much time with his powers as the rest did and its a hugely destructive power too (not always, as seen with Harlan) and its always the factors around viktor that cause the apocalypse -- someone manipulates them, pushes them, until he triggers and loses control and he's shit on for it even though he couldn't control what others did to him?? viktor was using him powers for only a handful of days, significantly less than anyone else, he barely knows what he can do with him or how it affects others yknow

and I dont, cant, even blame Harlan bc he was in the same boat as viktor -- no one to help him figure out how to control his powers, its just reaction after reaction, accidents and no one on the planet would even know how to help him

but it was an interesting choice to give viktor Harlan back, his kid, and take away Allison's kid-

poor five also like not even a seconds rest LMAO and everyone, especially Allison, blames him for all his time traveling mishaps but like?? he was a kid when he first time traveled and he's taken every chance to do what's best for his family and the world, including killing the Board of Directors like this man is flying by the seat of his pants in almost every apocalypse trying to save everyone

KLAUS MY BELOVED IM SO SORRY U HAD TO DIE A HUNDRED TIMES BUT IM SO HAPPY TO SEE HOW MF POWERFUL U ARE!!! immortal?? immortal!! and can dispel spirits as well as summon them!! wow A Mf Man.

Ben was actually v interesting this season bc yeah he's an asshole in the first half but, when it comes down to just 10 people left alive in all of existence, he shows himself as riddled with Daddy Issues, as the name Sparrow being the only thing in his life, as sensitive to rejection ig?? big mad about not being invited to party and also very curious about the "other ben" the umbrella academy is familiar with

Reginald Reginald Reginald; first off, the actor who plays is A+ and I love seeing him on screen. Drugged!Reginald was so sad to see at first, it was so fucking sad to see that, but after finishing the season I can say with my whole chest that drugged!reginald was the best Reginald like Pogo had the right idea. and even I was rooting for Reginald to turn out good and own up to the mistakes of TUA!Reginald and idk if not be a good dad then at least be a good person and encourage the kids and IDK I WANTED HIM TO BE GOOD HERE BC ITS WHAT EVERYONE ELSE DESERVED BUT I WAS DUPED!!! I WAS DUPED AND BLINDED LIKE KLAUS!! im so- and Klaus was so happy and felt loved by him and excited for everyone else to connect with him too and he just turns around and locks him out of the corridor and leaves him to die and Klaus was forced to kill himself

I wonder how Allison felt about both Luther and Klaus dying due to her deal with Reginald (I mean I dont fully blame her for their deaths it was Reginalds fault 100%) but I wonder if she convinced herself that it was "for the greater good" or if it was all gonna ve fixed or worth it later when she got her daughter back

"do u trust me?" BITCH NO????? I actually dont know how Allison could ask viktor that actually maybe cognitive dissonance I mean girl was at sanity's edge but I wonder how much Reginald even told her about the button and the machine?? like how did she know the button would lead to a new universe or smth

the irony of killing Harlan but also using the powers that were boosted by him

now about that ending: im a lil confused but ill take it

its a new universe I think not a reset one bc wouldn't a reset universe let everyone keep their powers?? maybe when Allison pushed the button it got imbued with her desires to not have powers or smth?? did Reginald tinker with the fabric of the universe so humans didn't have powers like these? this alien bitch has a human looking wife?? is she an alien or does she have human skin like Reginald which would mean they've been on earth for a while and when she died Reginald put her on the moon For Some Reason??? what was Luther supposed to her guarding her casket pod on the dark side of the moon from?

did Reginald cause the end of worlds for centuries or do apocalypses follow him too and everywhere he goes, worlds die???

also where the fuck did these "particles" that powered the machine even come from?? what the fuck are these particles?

what does it mean that Five has both arms again?? is he still going to be the founder? has he escaped his fate or??

where is Sloane? give Luther a goddamn break

okay so Allison has her happy ending after everything she pulled, after the relationships she damaged severely and destroyed -- nw what happens? because clearly the umbrella academy isn't done with Reginald and his wife seemingly ruling the world or smth (or at least enjoying very powerful positions, as seen by "Hargreaves" on multiple buildings) so they'll all be pulled together again

(I hope Luther and viktor dont forgive Allison or at least call her out let them cut each other till bones bleed, I say)

let five get a hug?? maybe? a sibling group hug?

[uncurlinglikeflowers]

Dedicated To The Queer Baby Me That Deserved The World

Without realizing how desperately it needed to happen, my therapy journey in the last year has really revolved around comforting little baby queer Travis, who deserved SO much better.

The little boy who spent most elementary school recesses off alone on the brink of crying. Wondering why I don’t want to play football with the other boys. Why I’m so terrified of being friends with girls considering the boys would probably bully me relentlessly for being surrounded by female friends. Why almost every single day during ‘quiet time’ in 1st grade my teacher was trying to comfort a crying me who just felt so awful and lonely. Why I would sneak away to my room during holidays to be alone and cry and have borderline panic attacks.

Why I missed nearly an entire month of 8th grade because I was home sick absolutely TERRIFIED of going back to school. Plot twist, it was anxiety, depression, loneliness, and deep self-hatred, not a lingering cold or flu. 

Tell me why the guidance counselor pulled me into his office while I waited in the car for my mom to get my homework and after trying for all of about 30 seconds to see if there was something wrong, sent me back to class for the first time in about a month and never spoke to me again? Or that teacher that saw me crying every day but never thought there might be a deeper reason?

See, on the outside you might see me as this super confident queer that’s fully comfortable with themselves and doesn’t care what anyone thinks. While there’s a sliver of truth with that sometimes, I’m still working on being happy and content with myself fully. 

I still catch myself watering down my queerness to tables at work lest they tip me less. Unless I’m with my friends, I often feel like everyone in the world is staring at me because of the way I dress, act, walk, talk, etc etc etc. When I’m actually dating a boy, (lmao it’s been a while) I still walk with the fear that holding his hand could awaken a violent hatred in a stranger and the one I love as well as myself could become a target. 

Despite being better off as an American queer than in other countries, I still get to have my very life still constantly in the hands of our government who have proven time and time again that they don’t care about me and my queer family. Still, I’m told to be grateful. Trust and believe, I’m grateful for the queers before me that paved the way, but it’s a disgusting thing to tell someone that they shouldn’t be fighting for more. Because I haven’t been arrested or murdered for being queer I should accept the bare minimum and move on? 

Please, go right ahead and ignore the trauma that still dwells within me and the vast majority of queer people. For all of us that never felt good enough for just about anyone or anything for a good chunk of our lives. You think that coming out suddenly erases all of that? That seeing a multi-billion dollar corporation trying to sell me a tacky rainbow version of their product is supposed to make me feel seen, heard, loved, and respected when they’re the very ones with the power to continue to oppress me?

Despite the negative (though extremely valid) tone of this post thus far, these things need to be said. I don’t know how else to get allies to actually stand up and advocate for us instead of just telling us to buy rainbow shit and continuing to ignore our pleas to vote and support us and tell us that you love us and are proud of us. So many of us never loved ourselves and have never felt proud of who we are because we never felt the validity that comes from kindness and understanding of our identities. 

We continue to NEED pride because of the euphoria that comes from being surrounded by others like us that know what it’s like to feel like you have no place in the world simply because of who you love, what you look like, or how you identify yourself. I’ve danced with strangers at pride and felt more love from them then some people I’ve known my entire life. 

To give a slight visual break in this otherwise paragraph heavy post, here are some reasons I need my queer family and pride:

-The Kindergarten teacher that reached out via fb messenger to tell me she’d be a bad Christian if she didn’t reach out to tell me how wrong being queer is, thus making me reconsider my entire childhood.

-The fact that until about 4 years ago I legitimately 100% did not think I would live to age 30 because I would have killed myself by then

-The family member that told me it’s my own fault that my mom didn’t know I was gay because I didn’t tell her before she died when I didn’t even know who I was, wondered why he doesn’t get a straight pride, and said my fear post-Pulse was invalid because he could get shot at any bar on any night. Oh, and that I use being gay as a ‘crutch.’

-The aunt who argued with me through fb on the day marriage equality was passed and proceeded to tag other grown men in the post who rambled on about how disgusting gay people are to which she said nothing.

-The family member that laughed as they told me they punched a gay man when they were young for hitting on them... a story which they later told again with laughter to me and a boyfriend. 

-My fellow queers that disregard pronouns and insult me for embracing femininity, makeup, and clothes despite fem queers and trans women being the ones that pioneered our fight back

-The friend that told me I deserved to be alone for being gay

-The PARENTS of high school friends who relentlessly mocked another queer kid in my class behind his back with extremely homophobic comments thus forcing me deep into the closet

-All of my friends that have been rejected by their family for their identity, including ones that were outright kicked out of their house as a teenager

-The daily hell of grade school boys calling each other ‘fag’ and knowing full well that they meant it as a queer slur

-Every person, (quite a few) that’s reached out to me to tell me that my mere openness, vulnerability, and visibility gave them permission to be themselves and work toward living as their authentic selves.

-The fact that I spent every waking moment of my childhood, adolescence, and even adulthood trying to fit a mold I didn’t even like out of safety. Always obsessed with being academically successful to hide the shame of being queer and feeling as though I had to make up for it by exhausting myself. 

For anyone reading this and feeling uncomfortable? 

GOOD.

If you feel bad just reading it, imagine the hell of these being your actual lived experiences. 

Hug your queer family and friends and stress to them how proud you are. Don’t make everything about yourself and realize that some people need a little more love than others and there’s absolutely nothing wrong about that. Your struggles aren’t negated, just not the focus in that moment. 

While extremely homophobic rhetoric seems to be on the rise with powerful figures in government making continuous strides to eliminate our rights and erase us from existence entirely, 

FUCKING DO SOMETHING. 

A bunch of loud queers screaming for their rights is incredible, but the homophobes aren’t going to listen to the very people they wish nothing but harm on.

VOTE FOR THE QUEERS IN YOUR LIFE.

Listen to them. Don’t water down and negate their experiences. Be available to them. Be compassionate toward them. Shoot down queer-phobic bullshit to your friends, and consider choosing your loved ones over more than casually bigoted “friends.”

As my entire purpose as an adult has become being the person I so DESPERATELY could have used as a young queer boy, I dream of a world where queer people don’t have to fear for their lives by simply existing and don’t have to sift through painful trauma as an adult. 

If not for the beautiful found family of queer bbys I’ve managed to surround myself with the last couple of years, I would not have the confidence I do now to be my entire authentic self. I wouldn’t feel like not only is my identity ‘okay, accepted, and tolerated,’ but beautiful and encouraged and celebrated. I consistently get emotionally overwhelmed just thinking about the intense love, friendship, and validity I receive from my found family, and can never thank them enough for loving me so fully. 

Be that person for someone else. 

If you take literally nothing else from this post, know that i’m queer and loud and will continue to refuse to shut up in the face of a world that strives to silence us. 

I will continue to turn up the music to drown out those voices that strive to silence me and my queer family. 

Happy Pride y’all.

[inkykeiji]

hey clari! i hope this doesn’t sound weird but i just wanted to say i’m so proud of you for responding to so many asks lately! i can see your progress nd i am so proud of u n i really hope i can make the same progress one day as well. for a loooong while now i’ve been repeating the same negative cycle and it’s so hard to just get out of it. every time i feel like i’m making progress something happens and i start all over again….(n it’s really fucking annoying!!!!) but i’m still trying!!! :/

i’m still working out the kinks of finding a good and mellow-paced daily pattern for myself but everything seems like too much lol nd i cant muster up the energy to do the bare minimum most of the time….i was wondering (if you’re ok with it) if you could share your daily pattern or routine.

you totally don’t have to!! i just thought it was worth a shot to ask lol

anyways…i love u n im so very proud of u! keep moving forward!!! u got this <33!!

hello anon!!! (´∀｀)♡ fair warning, this answer is extremely long lmao

it absolutely does not sound weird, omg!!!! it made me feel so happy and warm and giddy inside to hear that, thank you so much for telling me!!!! <33333 genuinely, i cannot tell you how much i appreciate this message <3 i’ve been working really, really hard to get back to the level of productivity i used to be at, as well as just working extremely hard to heal myself and learn how to healthily deal with my mental illness.

it is extremely difficult to break that cycle and i empathize so deeply with you, anon bb :( it requires a lot of self discipline, optimism, and motivation, all of which are especially hard to come by when you’re in the middle of an episode or stuck in a rut or a bout of sadness/icky feelings :( i want you to know that i believe in you!!!! i KNOW you can do this, i have complete faith in you, and i know you WILL succeed.

i’ve been going through exactly what you described—beginning to make progress, and then something happening and forcing me to begin all over again—for almost a YEAR now, so i completely understand how incredibly frustrating that is. it’s difficult not to lose hope during times like that, where it just feels like its some sort of endless, vicious cycle, and we’ll never break free of it. but i have personally broken free of that cycle once before, and now, i am going to do it again. and if i can do it, you can definitely do it, too!

first of all, i want you to know how proud i am of you!!!!!! it takes so much strength and bravery to continue trying in the face of all of this, so already you’re doing incredible. that’s an amazing feat all in itself and i want you to give yourself a pat on the back for it!!! no matter what’s happened, you still haven’t given up, and that says so much about who you are, your resilience, and your determination. it’s such a cheesy saying but it’s so true: the ONLY failure is the failure to try. every time something happens, you can look at it as a learning experience. this week my therapist said this to me, and it really helped, so i want to repeat it to you, too: she told me that every challenge, obstacle, or mistake we encounter is merely another opportunity to learn, to gather more information and to use that information to make ourselves better. it’s a very positive way to look at it, but it’s also TRUE.

she really likes to use the analogy of a scientist testing hypotheses through experiments: every time a scientist’s experiment fails, or proves their hypothesis wrong, they have learned something, they have failed better, and they can take this information to help themselves improve in their next experiment or endeavour. if you can, try to think of your life this way, as well. i can give you a personal example: i often have the tendency to set myself up for failure by expecting WAY too much of myself right off the bat. when i was first trying to get back into being active on my blog every day, i had set a goal of ten asks a day for myself. it seemed reasonable at the time, because before i had been answering 10-30 asks a day, so i figured i could totally start out at this threshold and work my way up.

it turns out, i completely forgot to factor in the fact that i am much more sick than i was when i was answering so many asks a day. it was akin to breaking your leg, resting until it heals, and then immediately trying to run a marathon the moment the cast comes off, instead of building up muscle and stamina gradually. i realized this, and lowered my goal to five asks a day. it turned out that that was also too many at that current moment, so i have set my goal for one ask a day. i have put the bar an inch away from the floor, because at this current moment in my life, this is where it needs to be. it isn’t there every single day, and it definitely won’t be that low forever, but at the moment i need to set goals that are consistently achievable, things i know i can do every day without being overwhelmed or getting so scared i just don’t do it at all.

so that’s my first piece of advice for you. give yourself goals that are easy to achieve, things you know you can do. my goals for every day are: answer one ask a day, work on a piece of writing for my blog for one hour a weekday, work on a piece of personal writing for one hour a weekday, practice cursive writing for 15-30 min a weekday. they are all small and most importantly ACHIEVABLE goals. here’s the secret: more often than not, once i start, i actually end up doing more than that, because i feel like i can, or because i WANT to. but the reason why setting these easy, achievable goals is important is because on the days where you truly, genuinely cannot do more than the bare minimum, you will still feel this sense of accomplishment, because hey! you did it! you did the one thing you set out to do, and that’s so much better than giving up or not doing anything at all, even if it is really small. ANY progress is better than no progress at all. ANY progress, no matter how little, moves you towards your goals.

my second piece of advice for you is to set up rewards for you achieving your goals. this is where your self discipline really comes into play. this is something i used to do in university and it helped me SO much. i would make a deal with myself: read these three articles, or write a few pages of this essay, or do two hours of research, and then i will allow myself to hang out with friends/go shopping/watch a film/play a game/etc.

for me, right now, my reward for myself is playing genshin (LMAO). it is the hyperfixation currently occupying the most of my mind—all i want to do is talk about it/play it/write about it—so i make myself a promise every single day: achieve your daily goals, and you can spend the rest of the free time you have playing the game. if i am able to achieve my goals consistently every day, monday to friday, then on the weekend i treat myself to something small—i either buy myself gems, or this weekend i bought myself a lil plushie hehehe c: but the point is, make the reward something you really want, and hold yourself accountable for achieving it.

i went to a prestigious uni, and they really beat into my mind that i’m completely worthless all the time unless i am constantly doing work. this makes enjoying relaxation time extremely difficult, because i feel disproportionately guilty. i’ve found that setting these goals with rewards helps lessen this A LOT.

so anyway, these are the techniques i’ve been using recently. my therapist also has me check in with myself every single morning; she says its very important to track things like our mood and our energy, as well as other factors (sleep, environment, stress, etc) so we can catch burn-out before it happens and take those extra rest days when they’re required. that isn’t lazy, that’s called taking care of yourself and being kind and compassionate to yourself—and it’s a responsible thing to do. some days i really can’t answer more than one ask, and that’s okay, because at least i’m doing something.

just the other day i had to bring down one of my writing sessions from an hour to 30 minutes, because i was having such a terrible day and an hour just sounded way too daunting. but guess what? i began my session, keeping in mind that i was only going to do it for 30 minutes, and actually ended up writing for an hour and a half! sometimes you will genuinely surprise yourself, and honestly 90% of the time it’s only starting that’s the most difficult. on the days where i’m having a really rough time, i remind myself how important this is to me. i remind myself how much this means to me, how special it is, how much i truly DO want to do it, how good i feel when i achieve something, and that usually helps me push through and get started.

it’s so important for us to be flexible with ourselves and give ourselves what we need when we need it. i think that as long as we’re continuing to try, then we’re succeeding. adjust accordingly!!! for me, i know that being productive makes me feel really, really great, so even on those days where simply getting out of bed and making food is difficult, i still try to at least tick off ONE thing on my goals list. that way, at least i’ve done something, even if it wasn’t everything. it’s still a step in the right direction, you know? there are also days where we really do need to take a full break from everything as well, and that is okay as well. only you know what you need <3

you mentioned having difficulty doing the bare minimum; maybe your bare minimum is still set too high for where you are at this current moment. is there any way you can bring it down even lower? even if you have to bring it down to just one thing a day, that is STILL progress and that is still success, and it will still help you move forward and built momentum. start as slow and as small as YOU need to, anon <3 you are doing what is best for you, and there is absolutely no shame in that. if your current bare minimum is still too much and too overwhelming, bring it down even further. make it the barest you can. because doing the barest you can is still so much better than doing nothing at all and feeling all crummy because of it!

the last thing i wanted to mention is that i try to do something meaningful to me every single day. just one thing, it doesn’t have to be big, but it makes me feel good and it helps keep me rooted in this current moment as well as helps me appreciate everything i have more <3

waaaah okay i know this is SUPER long but i hope this helps at least a little, anon bb <333 i have so much faith in you and i KNOW you can do this!!!! if you have any other questions please do not hesitate to ask <3 i love u so so much and i’m so thankful to have you here with me!!!

[musicboxmemories]

Fic Interview Meme!

Name: My pen name is Kendra Luehr...which I chose as a 13-year-old by selecting what I thought to be “cool names” from a phone book lol. Luehr is probably actually pronounced “Lure,” but I’ve always pronounced it “Loo-air.”

Fandoms I write for: Um...a lot lol, I’ve been writing fic since October 2003, after all. :’) My full (wow, I wrote “fool” first LOL) list is here under the fandoms list on my FFN profile, though this year I’ve only written fic for TURN: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/357465/Kendra-Luehr

Two-shot: I usually only write two-shots for trash, ahem. One chapter of the couple dancing around the inevitable, and then the next the resolution (winkwonk). For the sake of my sanity, I’ll just stick to my AO3 accounts for these. Wake-Up Call (From Dusk Till Dawn: the Series) *trash* A Slow Burn (H.annibal) *trash* Strange Bedfellows (TURN) *trash* Starve This Sin (Emma 2020) *trash* My Beloved (H.annibal) *trash* Seeing Double (H.annibal/WTE) *trash* Teach Her, Teacher (H.annibal) *trash* Good Boy (H.annibal) *trash* Okay, there are two more on my account, but you get the idea LOL. I didn’t realize I’d written so many two-shots, and as I suspected, they were ALL trash! Good gravy.

Most popular multichapter: For my trash page, definitely Starve This Sin. I didn’t realize the Jane Aus.ten fandom was so ready for garbage. xD Though for TURN/my recent fandom, it’s Favorite Mistake. That fic started off as trash (shocker), but then evolved into something really meaningful (to me) with the struggle of trauma and addiction, and I ended up being really proud of it. The tags and description definitely don’t make it sound like a meaningful fic though, LOL. On my non-smut page, my top seems to be Wake-Up Call (mentioned above), but I’m throwing in The World is Made Wrong in terms of recent writing. I’ve become pretty proud of it cuz there’s YET AGAIN struggles with trauma, faith, and all that good stuff. I seem to have a type lately. lol

Actual Worst Part of Writing: I’m stealing fandomsbyladymelodrama’s answer and saying TITLES, too! Though sometimes the worst part of writing is actually writing itself, haha. 

How you choose your titles: With tears and indecision. :’) Seriously, I usually finish a chapter and then sit there staring at a wall for 15 mins to an hour, all the while trying to think of a freaking title that properly conveys ALL MY THEMES/ACTIONS/PLOT POINTS, and also somehow making it sound good/intriguing. Oy.

Do you outline: Absolutely not, lmao. I’m a plantser (aka a mix of a plotter + pantser), so I plot a LITTLE, but it’s the bare minimum. I’ll email myself ideas when I get them, and then refer to them on occasion while writing (and sometimes don’t even use those ideas). I always laugh when ppl say, “Can’t wait to see what happens next!” cuz I’m always like, “ME TOO, FAM.” I rarely know the outcome until I get there! And it works for me somehow. I have very few unfinished projects.

Ideas I probably won’t get to but it would be nice: Basically a bajillion AUs lol. I probably WOULD write them if I felt ppl would read them, but eh, writing is a lot of time and energy, and I also RP, so I want to spend my time wisely.

Best writing habits: I don’t.....have any?? LOL As I said, I’m a plantser, but I guess my best writing habit is not restricting myself with goals. If I set goals for myself, I feel constricted/stressed.

Spicy opinion: I don’t have any lol, unless writing whatever you want and not caring what everyone else thinks counts? I know we all like the validation, but do this for you! That’s the only way you’ll feel wholly happy, cuz writing what others want doesn’t tend to work out as well. Not for me, anyway.

Thanks so much for the tag, @fandomsbyladymelodrama! ❤ YOU LOVELY SOUL, YOU! I’m tagging YOU (aka whoever is reading this), as well as @niksnarration @missjewel @bundyshoes @assortedfruitsnacks212 @i-find-the-beauty-in-chaos @tallmadgeandtea @ms-march​ @culper-spymaster​ 

[kendricksendrick]

Just saw this and wanna answer a few of them :))) feel free to dm me and im sorry in advance if i take forever to reply lmao

My pronouns are she/her, i went back and forth for a while with she/they but i think she/her is me :)) and im a lesbian

Currently the thing that makes me the most happy is seeing an audience of people enjoying a concert together, i took that SO for granted before covid and ive cried at all 3 concerts ive been able to attend/play at since things began to open up. There was such love in the air from everyone appreciating live music together i cant even express how happy it made me seeing everyone else enjoying things together again.

Something I’m very proud of is my solo clarinet recording from this past semester.

https://youtu.be/KFwxAPf82X0

I worked so hard on it, and actually began learning it just as covid hit, i moved home, my life was turned upside down like so many others but after a year of working on it with my private teacher I’m super proud of where I’m at right now. Its also a little bittersweet tho because I’m getting a new private teacher in the fall (again) and this video really shows how muc ive grown in the past two years w the woman I formerly studdied under. I learned so much from her :)

My pride playlist is garb, and i hold myself on a very high pedestal w my playlists so heres one of my go to’s. Mainly early 2010s bangers, it always lifts my spirits when im sad and is great for parties!!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5mGxIUALVuIYaWAMo4pqdu?si=Ly6ON82hSYi5ozRDL-orjg&dl_branch=1

I dont remember realizing i wasnt straight, but recently i realized all the things i did as a kid that should have been obvious to myself that i wasnt straight. Remembering things lik that makes me laugh, like how didnt i know?? The moment i knew i was gay tho was my first time kissing a girl, it wasnt even good but i was still like yeah this is it.

Fave ship is bechloe, duh

On second thought, bechloe shouldve been a HUGE red flag to myself that ive always been gay like cmon haha

Someone who inspires me is my private teacher. Hearing her play for the first time and realizing shes an actual GOD at what she does showed me like what i could live up to. What i could strive for. Ive always been good at the clarinet, not to suck my own dick, but i practiced the bare minimum when i first started playing bc it was fun, and eventually levelled myself out a bit in high school. It wasnt until i started taking lessons in college that i realized the possibilities, and realized how far ive come in such a short time.

Ok ig i cant link the song that reminds me about pride but ill reblog w it, ive just been listening to it on repeat recently and ig it gives me pride vibes?

Finally id like to thank the first girl i ever had a major fucking crush on for helping me get to where i am w my sexuality. Literally could not have done it wo her. And i hope she never sees this ahaha

[traumaticchild]

33,30,44

Hiii! Me again... i didn't receive the notification of you answering my ask. I'm not new but certainly new interacting with you. Here's a few more asks because i got curious about ya

hello!!! its all good i answered it a bit late anyways and oooo im flattered ask away!

33. what words make me feel the best about myself?

if someone told me they're proud of me id probably burst into tears

30. what i hate the most about work/school?

capitalism. working myself to death for the bare minimum of a life im not even enjoying

44. a random fact about anything

9/11 caused the downfall of ellen

....OK so hear me out cause its LORE TIME!!! lmao

gerard way started the band my chemical romance after witnessing 9/11 -> stephanie meyer was inspired by mcr to make twilight -> fanfiction of twilight became 50 shades of grey -> dakota johnson( lead actress in 50shades) has a feud with ellen degeneres which led to the cancelation of her talk show

[amaranth]

rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works. (i REALLY rambled omg...i’m so sorry)

i was tagged by @softxingdae @yeolville @untouchabyeolman @dokyunqsoo and @kaibility ! thank you ♡

tagging @zyx @elyxion @delhyun @ainedreams @subaek @sefuns @ciaozhan @exo-stentialism @yixing-zhang @binminseok @bbyunz (i think for sure y’all have already been tagged hsdjknf sorry if i got you again!)

1. jongdae in 2020: this is probably my favorite set i’ve ever made! it was really tough seeing the treatment jongdae got, and it seemed like we wouldn’t see him again before he enlisted (not that i would blame him). so being able to put together all these moments was a lot of fun! even though our jongdae sightings were few and far between, we still got really lovely meaningful gifts from him. i was super pleased with the coloring + font since i always struggle so much with those things ;;

2. kai mmmh stages: tbh i always wanted to do stage compilations but never could make myself actually sit down and do it. but watching how excited jongin was for his debut made me want to contribute something other than just posting updates! i’m proud of the coloring, quality, and the fact that i posted it even though i was hesitant. he had so many pretty stages, i wish his promotions could have gone on forever

3. jongdae’s birthday series: another thing i had always wanted to do but never actually did until now lmao...i experimented a little with the lyric edits (the person who inspired them had a really good eye for color and i tried to match that) and i thought they ended up looking really pretty + i got to ramble about how much i like jd :3 

4. kai behind the scenes + smiles: i loved seeing how happy jongin was! you can tell how hard he was working in all these bts videos and it must have been really tiring but he had his pretty smile the whole time. his solo release is one of the highlights of my year, and i was really proud of myself for actually creating content for it.

5. exo-l revival: the people who put this together really inspired me to actually start posting again so i have to include it and get sappy! before this i had only been comfortable enough to post screenshots or silly text posts for kpop things, since in bandom i was content with my messy mcr edits as that was kind of the ~vibe~..if that makes any sense lmao. i felt like kpop was more polished somehow? i’m a lot more confident now! i still have a long way to go in terms of creating, but without this event i probably wouldn’t have been posting nearly as often as i do now so i’m really happy that i joined. my favorite set was definitely the ‘favorite mv’ week where i got to gif happy jongdae !

+bonus this little moodboard of shots from baekhyun’s concert shooting sketch...i love how it turned out with the colors and the soft feeling! very bare minimum but i’m still v proud. i definitely want to try more things like this in the future :)