#and i was like.....i have been crying on and off and feeling sick to my stomach the last two days....i didn't actually say that ofc
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maybe, baby!
you feel sick and your boyfriend automatically assumes you’ve got a bun in the oven because he has a debilitating case of baby fever
pairing: satoru gojo x fem!reader
cw: mention of morning sickness and throw up (very light), Gojo (yes he is a content warning)
established relationship; fluff drabble
wc: 645
Satoru’s been pretty preoccupied the last few months, you’ve noticed.
First it was when he was lingering in the toy aisle of the store.
When you had pointed it out and teased him about it, called him a man child and all, he had scoffed with an equally playful smirk and fired back some jest.
But then you noticed it again when he dragged you to the baby clothing store while you two were shopping at the mall.
“Look, y/n!” He had beckoned you, hands pinching the socks of a pink bear onesie. His lips were wobbling in an exaggerated pout, his eyes watering as he turned to face you looking like he was about to ugly cry. Not that ‘ugly’ was really within his jurisdiction; he was the most ethereal ugly crier to the point it was almost irritating. But you couldn’t be irritated with him at the moment. Not with how adorable he looked so wistfully teary eyed right now.
“Look how little the feet aaaaarre!” He’d whine, thrusting his face into the crook of his elbow as a couple of sobs took him.
Needless to say you had to drag him out of the shop. But it was more like you guiding him out; patting him on the back and soothing him as he cried about how cute the tiny baby mittens were.
And one night you had come home to him sitting at the kitchen table with all the lights off, the only illumination the pale light of his screen on his face as he intermittently clicked the keyboard or scrolled. His eyes were laser-focused and unblinking as you peered over him to see what he was looking at,
It was an array of tabs; some of them overfilled carts on online catalogs of baby supplies and formula, others articles on symptoms of pregnancy, afterbirth, and postpartum depression…and Reddit..?
“r/pregnancy, how to comfort my wife when she hates my guts at 17 weeks pregnant” !?!??
Yeah. He admitted to mayhaps, perchance, having just a liiiiitttle baby fever. He did his best to not be too overbearing about it. But this is also Satoru Gojo we’re talking about.
One night while the two of you were simply cuddling in bed, arguing over if Levi Ackerman or Erwin Smith was better, you suddenly felt an odd wave of nausea. You’ve felt off all day…maybe you ate something bad and it gave you a stomachache?
No, you were going to throw up. Right now.
Satoru noticed the odd expression that had settled on your features, but before he could react you were already clambering out of bed and booking it toward the bathroom. He was there in a matter of seconds by your side as you hurled your guts into the toilet bowl, rubbing your shoulder and hushing you with gentle words and praise. But when you blearily looked over to him…he had the hugest grin on his face. You have no words.
’Fuck is bro smiling about!??
He didn’t acknowledge your dumbfounded expression, only beamed up and pumped his fists in the air.
“Yaaay! I’m so excited to be a dad!!!” He cheered.
He read on some online forum that morning sickness was a symptom of pregnancy and that it could happen practically any time in the day despite the name. This had to be it, right??
You sat there completely bewildered as he continued cheering ”Yay!!! yay, yaaaay!!!” Probably the happiest any man has ever been to witness his girlfriend hunched over a toilet bowl and spewing her guts.
You were still in shock as Satoru began rustling through your bathroom cabinet, pulling out— a box of pregnancy tests!? When did he even buy those—
“Here, sweets,” He’d usher it gently towards you with that goofy exuberant smile still plastered on his face.
“You should take one right now!”
a/n: I did say I was gonna post it awhile ago and completely forgot about it 😭! So here it is, Ü
i need gojo to disappear from existence— fr, he’s a disease i hate him sm
everyone have a great day!!
#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x reader#gojo satoru#jjk gojo#jjk writing#choso kamo#nanami kento#jjk fic#jjk fluff#satoru gojo headcanons#satoru gojo x reader#gojou satoru x reader#satoru gojo fluff#gojo fluff#satoru gojo x y/n#gojo x you#satoru gojo x you#gojo x y/n#gojo x reader#satoru gojo#gojo saturo#gojo x f!reader#jjk x you#jjk x y/n#gojo drabbles#☁️🤍☁️
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And finally, the second and final part of this fic has arrived. It's long. So much longer than I thought it would be. God I got so carried away with the conversations and it took forever. Turned into a monster. But it's finally done. Again, not as funny as I'd like, but hopefully a little cute.
Thank you to @schrodingersauthorii for saying something in the comments to my post that inspired some of this second part!
Part 2
The atmosphere of the meet was a lot nicer than he expected. The other students were kind to him, many complementing them on his sports day performance. The team members and Coach Sakuragi were less, well, mean to each other than the team he’d briefly been part of, cheering each on rather than acting sullen when anyone outperformed them. The coach at his old school had always responded to any mistake with a torrent of frustrated criticism that made Natsume tremble in shame. But Sakuragi never acted disappointed or angry. She came off like she was giving friendly suggestions, and she pointed out what they were doing well at lot too. The team responded to her advice eagerly, rather than fearing her.
It was nice, and Natsume almost wished he was the kind of person who could be a part of this. But he knew himself too well. He’d feel terrible each time he missed out due to being sick or waylaid by yokai. And that would happen a lot. The nicer these people were, the worse he’d feel about letting them down. It didn’t matter if they were fine with it, he wouldn’t be. And to be honest, even if he liked his teammates, he didn’t like thinking about huge crowds watching him, he didn’t like the idea of watching other people cry in frustration when he beat them, any of it.
So when Sakuragi asked him if he wanted to do a practice run with the others, he agreed, all while planning to run much slower than usual. He’d explain to her after that the performance on sports day was a fluke, and he usually wasn’t that fast, and there was no way he’d be able to pull it off consistently. Sakuragi would hopefully stop wanting him to join the team, and even if she still asked him, she and the others wouldn’t feel bad when he turned her down.
He took a deep breath, as he stood at the starting line, closing his eyes and blocking the gaze of Sakuragi and the other students out. If he didn’t imagine a yokai was chasing him, running slower was pretty manageable, and he was experienced enough with doing it in phys ed that he knew he could pull it off without looking like he was holding back. It would be fine. He’d be fine.
He got himself into position, taking off when Coach blasted the whistle. He lagged way behind the others, while doing his best to look like he was really giving his all. It was going pretty well, he thought, until he looped around on the track and saw a yokai directly in his path.
It wasn’t a big one, not even coming up to Natsume’s knee. It was black, so it had blended in well with the track. It was sort of blobby and shapeless in form, like an inkstain, with beady eyes and a wiggly head.
Natsume’s heart raced and his mouth went dry. It might look small, but he knew better than anyone not to trust a yokai’s appearance. It could be dangerous. Was it here to get the Book of Friends, or was it trying to do something to the people here? It didn’t matter. He had to do something. He couldn’t just slow down, that would give it time to attack
Instead, he vaulted over the creature. His ankle twisted under him when he landed. He fell, knees and hands scraping the ground. He immediately sprang to his feet and ran as fast he could. He had to lead it away from everyone else.
His sneakers pounded on the rubber and intense vibrations raced through him with each step. It felt like his bones were shuddering. Somone was calling his name, but it was muffled and distant, everything was. He has no room in his brain for anything but his goal. I have to protect the people here. I have to protect the Book of Friends. He crossed the finish line and veered into the grass, ready to grab his bag and sprint out of school grounds. But he looked over his shoulder, he saw the blobby yokai hadn’t moved after him at all. It had simply flattened and spread out on the ground. It’s eyes were closed.
Was it…taking a nap?
Relief filled Natsume as he skidded to a stop. Yes, it was sleeping. Its breathing was even, and as sounds came back to him, he could hear some faint snoring. But he also heard something else, which was Coach Sakuragi screaming at him.
“NATSUME! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? WHY WOULD YOU RUN ON A SPRAINED ANKLE?” She shouted while running toward him.
Sprained…? Natsume looked down and saw his ankle was swelling. Suddenly, intense pain shot through his leg, his ankle folded under him, and crumpled. Sakuragi caught him under his arms before he could hit the ground. She lifted him up easily.
Wow, she’s strong, Natsume thought dazedly. Bet I look pretty pathetic right now. He could see students had gathered around to stare at him, expressions worried or shocked. One girl called “Are you okay??”
“Y-yeah,” he said as his mind screamed in humiliation.
Sakuragi could have probably carried him, but thankfully she chose to simply pull his arm over shoulder. “Don’t stand on that ankle, keep it raised.” She commanded. She turned to the cluster of team members. “We need the chairs, the ice bag from the cooler, and the first aid kit. Go get them.”
The student’s responded quickly, three of them running off.
Soon they all came back with all the supplies, including two folding chairs. Sakuragi eased him into a chair. Natsume couldn’t help groaning in pain when a student propped up his leg on the chair in front of him, resting his ankle on a folded towel.
Natsume hated that he was disrupting the entire track meet and making so many people fuss over him, but he knew protesting would be ungrateful, so he softly thanked the other students instead. They smiled back at him.
Sakuragi placed the ice bag on his ankle. Natsume sighed in relief as the numbing cold broke through the pain.
Sakuragi bent down to examine his foot. “It don’t think it’s broken, but you’re going to need to check it with a hospital. It’s badly sprained because of all the weight you put on it. Hopefully you didn’t tear the ligament completely.”
“A-a hospital?” Natsume’s stomach dropped. That was really going to worry Touko and Shigeru. He felt so stupid, putting them through all this because a harmless yokai was taking a nap.
Sakuragi straightened up and clapped her hands. “Okay, this isn’t a show, people. Give us some space and get back to practice.”
The team dispersed, and Sakuragi crossed her arms, frowning down at him. Natsume winced, thinking she was going to yell again. Instead, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath. “Natsume.” she said calmly. “I don’t understand what you were thinking. This was just a practice run. Your first one, too. I’ve seen students try to run on injuries before, but this wasn’t even an actual race!”
Natsume’s looked at his ankle, which was rapidly turning purple, burning with shame. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled.
“You don’t have to apologize. I just want to know what’s going on. Why did you run on that ankle?”
“I-I didn’t do it on purpose. It was just kind of…instinct?” Natsume said. He instantly realized that how weird that sounded, and so, apparently, did Sakuragi.
“Instinct?” Her frown deepened and her eyebrows drew together. “Your instinct is to keep running even when you’re hurt?”
“No, no, it’s not like that, I’m just used to—!” He snapped his mouth shut.
What was wrong with him? He was usually better at covering things up. He’d almost said he was used to having to run while injured. He’d twisted his ankle running from yokai plenty of times, and at some point he’d learned to just block out the pain until he got to safety. But obviously he couldn’t tell the coach that. He desperately searched for another way to end the sentence, but before he could, the coach bent over, looking him directly in the eye.
“Natsume, you looked very frightened when that “instinct” kicked in. Like you were being chased down. Are you used to being chased? Is it something that happens a lot?”
Natsume’s blood froze. Did she know? Why? How? What was going on? His ankle was throbbing so badly now, it was hard to think the haze of pain. His breathing got faster, his ears buzzed… He had to say something, anything to throw her off…
Sakuragi put her hand gently on his shoulder, “Natsume, you can tell me anything. Is it someone who goes to this school? Or even more than one person? Have they been hurting you? I know it’s scary to talk about it, but I promise I can help--”
Natsume’s shoulders slumped as relief flooded him. She’d was asking if people were chasing him. Obviously she’d meant people. What was wrong with him? Sure, his ankle felt like it was being hit repeatedly with a giant hammer, but that was no excuse to lose his head.
Doing his best to come off as relaxed, he said “Oh, It’s not like that, Sensei, you don’t need to worry. People don’t chase me at all anymore.”
Sakuragi narrowed her eyes. “Anymore?”
He clearly should just stop talking forever. Maybe he’d sprained his brain along with his ankle.
Yes, he’d been chased by people, of course he had. And not just enthusiastic track coaches. He’d had to run away from plenty of classmates looking to teach the liar a lesson. Running from bullies was usually a lot easier than running from most yokai though, since people eventually tired out. He’d only been caught a few times.
At least this slip up didn’t put his secret in danger, it just made every inch of him cringe. He didn’t want to talk about any of this with her. But he had to make her understand everything was okay. Even if it meant embarrassing himself.
“Sensei, ever since I moved here, things have been so much better. People are so kind to me, my friends are amazing, the Fujiwaras are so warm and giving…” He ducked his head, unable to meet her eyes. “I feel like I belong here. Actually belong. I’m happier than I ever thought I could be….”
Sakuragi was listening to him intently, and when he trailed off, she smiled at him. “I’m glad to hear that. Sorry for the interrogation.”
She took some bandages out of the first aid kit and started wrapping his ankle with a steady practiced hand. “It sounds running is really connected to some… difficult experiences for you. I’m a teacher who’s supposed to look out for you. I shouldn’t have pressured you to run. I should have considered your feelings. I apologize.”
“No no,, it’s not your fault Sensei, you’re honestly the nicest track coach I’ve ever—"
But his reassurance was cut off by a shout, “Natsume! What happened?!”
Natsume looked over his shoulder, and saw Nishimura, Tanuma, Taki, Kitamoto and Sasada all coming around the corner of school building
What the heck are they doing here? His stomach dropped at the expressions of worry on their faces. Nishimura led the pack as they rushed toward him.
“How did you get hurt already?!” Nishimura exploded the second he was within talking range. “It’s been fifteen minutes since school let out! Fifteen! I bet you were doing some kind of crazy thing again, don’t you realize-?”
“Nishimura, calm down,” Kitamoto said, smacking him on the shoukder. “But seriously, Natsume, what happened?”
“I—"
“Did somebody trip you?” Sasada asked, fixing the scattered team members with a hawklike glare while they looked baffled in response. “Are there bullies here?”
“No—”
“It’s not broken, is it?” Nishimura was wincing as the looked at the ankle. “It looks so swollen—”
“Guys!” Taki cut him off. “Why don’t we stop freaking out and let Natsume get a word in edgewise?”
“Well said. I know you’re worried, give him the chance to explain,” Sakuragi said in a slightly amused tone.
Nishimura, Sasada, and Kitamoro jolted, like they hadn’t noticed the teacher before.
“Sorry, Sensei,” Sasada said immediately, bowing her head,
“I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to yell at you, Natsume,” Nishimura mumbled.
Tanuma, who’d been quietly watching, stepped up and put his hand on Natsume’s shoulder. It was a timid, gentle touch, but Natsume could feel the weight of Tanuma’s concern through it. He smiled reassuringly at him, and then looked at the others.
“I just tripped, guys, that’s really all. I was doing a practice run and I stumbled and twisted my ankle. Though I uh, also…” He was going to freak them out if he told them he’d kept running on it, and he wasn’t sure how he’d explain it, but—
“He also bumped it a bit while I was guiding him to his chair,” Sakuragi cut him off, giving him a small smile. “That one was my fault.”
Natsume blinked at her, shocked she’d covered for him. She shook her head at him slightly as if to say ‘just this once’.
“See, Nishimura?” Kitamoto elbowed him. “You of all people can’t be mad at him for tripping!”
“Yeah…” Nishimura said sheepishly. “Sorry…”
“No, I’m really sorry for worrying you all,” Natsume said, guilt racing through him. “But, uh, what are you guys even doing here?
“We wanted to support you. The plan was just to meet you when you were done and walk home together,” Taki said gently.
“I’m sorry we didn’t tell you before,” Tanuma squeezed Natsume’s shoulder slightly, looking bashful. “You just seemed kind of stressed about it, and I was a little… It was a last minute decision. I was thinking if you wanted to, we could even hang out at my place. I probably overstepped”.
‘It was one of those times his friend’s kindness and care filled him up so much he thought he would burst. Those times where he wondered how he’d found people like them after all these years. When he ached to give them even a fragment of what they’re given him.
“No…” Natsume said, hoping he didn’t sound choked up, “No, I would have liked that, thanks.”
“That’s really sweet,” Sakuragi said with a grin, resuming with wrapping Natsume’s ankle. But then her grin dropped, and she looked at Nishimura questioningly. “Does he get hurt a lot?”
“Kind of. It’s all because he’s reckless, Sensei. He doesn’t think things through!”
“A lot of time he’s trying to help someone, though,” Tanuma said hastily. “It’s not his fault, really.”
“You always go way too easy oh him, Tanuma. But yeah, he’ll do things like shove a girl out of the way when a bunch of heavy boxes are falling on her and get conked in the head. He’s too good a guy—"
“Come on, you’re embarrassing him,” Taki admonished, which immediately silenced Nishimura.
Sakuragi seemed to relax at this, and she finished up wrapping Natsume’s ankle. “Ok! Now, can one of you go fetch crutches from the nurse’s office?” Sakuragi took a key out of the first aid box and tossed at Nishimura, who caught it with a startled expression. Kitamoto went with him. Sasada looked around awkwardly, and then did a double take.
“Chiyo, what are you doing here?” Sasada’s hand immediately jumped to her hair, and she started twirling a lock around her finger.
The short-haired girl walked up, wiping her neck with a towel and flashing Sasada a crooked grin. “The track team lets me practice with them sometimes. Gotta train to beat you next time. What this I hear about you threatening everyone and calling them bullies?”
“I didn’t—”
“Oh, now I remember, Natsume, that’s your friend, no wonder you were all aggro!” Chiyo waved at Natsume, who waved awkwardly back. “Sorry she’s so overprotective, man. She means well.”
“You—come on!” Sasada grabbed the other girl’s hand and dragged her away. Chiyo looked unreasonably happy about this.
Sakuragi had stepped away to chat with some other students too. Taki squatted next to Natsume and Tanuma leaned closer to him.
“Was there yokai trouble?” Tanuma whispered.
Natsume shook his head. “Not really. I basically overreacted. I saw a little yokai on the track, freaked out because I thought it was dangerous, and tripped. It’s harmless, though. It was just napping. I feel pretty stupid.”
“Did anyone notice anything?”
“Yeah, they noticed I was acting really weird. Especially Coach Sakuragi. She’s…intense.”
“Oh, I should have thought about that and warned you about that.” Taki sighed. “It’s really hard to keep a secret from her, especially if she thinks you’re struggling. Her heart’s in the right place, though.”
Natsume nodded. “I can tell. I feel bad that I worried her. I ended up saying some bizarre things while I was trying to throw her off. I think she thinks I’m traumatized from my childhood or something now.”
Tanuma cleared his throat and looked away. Taki studied her shoes carefully.
“Uh, what’s wrong?” Natsume asked, trying to figure out if he’s said anything strange.
“Nothing,” Taki said quickly. “Hey, what does the little yokai look like?” She looked off in the wrong direction.
“Oh, uh…kind of blob-like…” he squinted at the sleeping yokai, examining it more closely. “Oh wow, I couldn’t pick it out before but it has ears actually, Oh, they’re kind of shaped like cat ears…”
Takis gasped excitedly “Is it cute?”
“Uh…maybe ugly cute?”
“Then it’s cute,” Taki said firmly. “I wish I could see it.”
Natsume suddenly realized that it was probably for the best Taki couldn’t see yokai, otherwise she’d be terrorizing every weird looking little monster non-stop.
Tanuma looked around at the team members looping the track, as others chatted and laughed on the sidelines. “Were you having a good time with everyone? You know, before everything happened?”
“Yeah…it was nice. Everyone was really great. I feel bad I ruined things.”
“You didn’t—"
“We’re back!” Kitamoto and Nishimura arrived carrying the crutches.
A shock of pain went up Natsume’s leg like lightningn when Tanuma and Sakuragi eased him onto his crutches, but he gritted his teeth, refusing to cry out. He couldn’t worry everyone even more.
“Okay, you’re good to go now. But make sure your parents to get you checked at the hospital right away. I will be asking Ms. Fujiwara about that our weekly grocery store chats.”
Natsume nodded meekly, filled with dread at the thought of Touko’s panic and distress. At the same time, he noticed she’d called the Fujiwaras his parents…not foster parents or guardians…just parents. It kind of felt nice. Really nice.
Sasada was still talking with Chiyo, laughing and swatting at her playfully. She noticed that Natsume was up, and reluctantly pulled away, giving Chiyo’s hand a quick squeeze before she left.
Sakuragi smiled as Sasada rejoined the group, observing all of Natsume’s friends clustered around him. “Take care of him, all right?”
“Don’t worry, Sensei, we won’t let anything happen to him,” Nishimura said confidently.
“We’ve got his back!” Kitamoto assured her.
“He helps us a lot. It’s the least we can do.” Tanuma chimed in unexpectedly.
“Of course!” Sasada and Taki finished things off.
Natsume stared at the ground, hoping nobody could see the expression on his face. Taki patted him on the shoulder.
“You’re right, you do have good friends.” Sakuragi ruffled Natsume’s hair. “Do you need me to get you a ride home? Or can your parents come get you?”
“Oh, it’s fine, I can just walk.”
“You’re seriously going to try to hobble all the way to the Fujiwaras?” Taki said severely.
“Okay, maybe to the bus stop…”
“That’s not coming for another hour,” Sasada tapped her watch. “You can’t wait that long.”
“The Fujiwaras don’t have a car, right?” Nishimura said. “My parents have a car, and Mom should be home. I’ll call her to pick us up.” He pulled out his battered cellphone, glaring at it. “If I can ever get service in this stupid town…can’t believe I begged for a phone and it’s useless…”
“Nishimura, no, I don’t want to drag your Mom into this…” Natsume said in a panic. “I really can just—”
“Natsume.” Tanuma said quietly but firmly, holding out his arm in front of him before he could hobble away. Natsume’s voice died in his throat.
“My Mom would be mad at me if I didn’t call her about this” Nishimura held his phone high in the air, face screwed up in concentration.
“Oh yeah, that’s right, you get your nosiness from her,” Kitamoto said lightly.
“Man, shut up. Aha! I got some bars!” And just like that, Nishimura was on the phone with his Mom, and Natsume could do nothing to protest it.
Sakuragi laughed and started to turn away. “Great, I’ll see you—"
“Sensei, wait,” Natsume called quickly.
She stopped, looking at him questioningly.
“I just wanted I wanted to say, I did have fun here. And, well, I don’t think I can join the team but…would it be all right if I came here once in a while? Just to practice, or I could help with whatever… unless that’s…
Sakuragi’s face split into a huge grin. “Of course, Natsume! Just having someone like you to race against is a huge help! But are you sure you--?”
Natsume nodded. “I want to.”
“Well then, do your best to heal up and we’ll look forward to seeing you.”
Nishimura got off the phone. “Mom said to out front.”
Waving goodbye to Sakuragi, Natsume’s friends flanked him as he slowly made his way around the school building.
“I’m happy for you, Natsume,” Taki said.
“Yeah, that’s cool!” Kitamoto agreed.
Thanks,” Natsume said. “I’m sorry I ruined the plans to get snacks and hang out…but maybe we could do it another time? Touko would probably be okay with you all coming over.”
“Of course!”
They all busied themselves planning the get-together until they reached the bench out front, though Nishimura was oddly quiet.
After Natsume sat down, his friends gave their well wishes and reminded him to check in with them after the hospital, before dispersing to walk home. Taki caught up with Sasada and as they walked away, Natsume heard her say “So you and that Chiyo girl, huh? Do I detect some romance?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Sasada said primly.
“Come on, it’s me. Come over to my place and tell me all about it.
“Fiiiine, if I must.”
Natsume laughed slightly. He looked over at Nishimura to see his reaction, but for once in his life, he didn’t seem interested in what Taki was doing. He was staring stonily into the distance.
“Nishimura, is something wrong--?”
“I’m sorry, Natsume,” he said abruptly, still not really looking at him.
“Huh? What are you sorry about?” He wondered if Nishimura was still feeling guilty about yelling earlier, and was prepared to reassure him, but—
“You’re hurt because of me.”
“What? What are you even talking about?” Natsume couldn’t help but laugh but stopped when Nishimura glared at him.
“It’s because of me. You don’tlike running in front of people, I know that, but then you had to because I screwed up. And when you were talking to the coach, I could tell you were nervous, I could tell you didn’t want to go. And instead of returning the favor and helping you, I pushed you to do it anyway.” He put his head in his hands. “It was such shitty thing to do.”
“Nishimura, come on, you didn’t--
“I did. You were trying to say no, you can’t pretend you weren’t.” He dragged his hands down his face. “I just…got carried away because you were so cool when you won the race! And you’re kind of down on yourself sometimes,…so I thought maybe if you joined the track team, you’d see how amazing what you can do is and people would see you’re…ugh, it was stupid.”
Natsume’s cheeks burned. “That’s.. it sounds like you were thinking of me, Nishimura, thank you—"
“No, don’t thank me!” Nishimura said fiercely. “I wasn’t considering your feelings at all, I just decided what I wanted for you without asking you. I didn’t think things through. And God, I didn’t even think about injuries!”
Natsume stared at him in bafflement. “Why would you need to think about injuries? It’s not like I need special protection. I knew what I was getting into. People get hurt in sports all the time. It’s normal.”
“No, it’s different with you.” Nishimura slammed his hands down on knees, red blotches spreading on his face. “Because when you get hurt, you downplay it or try to hide it, and if you do that in track, it can mess you up for life!” Nishimura was talking faster and faster, the words just pouring out of his mouth “It’s dangerous because you act like it doesn’t matter, like you don’t matter, and you don’t get why we all care so much, and I know it’s because you’ve been through a lot and I don’t want to pry, but it makes me so---"
He stopped short, blanching. “Oh shit. I didn’t mean to say all that. U-uh, sorry, just forget it, It’s none of my business…”
A lump formed in Natsume’s throat as shame welled up, hot and bitter on his tongue. “No, I’m sorry, Nishimura,” he said hoarsely. “I didn’t realize you were thinking all that, that you were worried. I never wanted to—”
“Natsume, no, I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad. I know it’s not on purpose, I know it’s not your fault.” Nishimura pinched the bridge of his nose. “This is about me saying sorry, not you. I really am sorry. And I know you told Sakuragi you wanted to come back once in a while because you didn’t want to disappoint her, but you don’t have to go back there, I’ll talk to her—"
“You don’t have to talk to her.” Natsume swallowed his shame for now, determined to set things straight. “I liked the team. I really do want to come back.”
“You don’t have to pretend, I told you, don’t lie if you don’t have to—”
“Nishimura,” Natsume interjected gently, putting his hand on the other boy’s shoulder. Nishimura finally looked over at him, eyes downcast. “It made me really happy. When we won, and everyone was cheering, and I saw how excited you were…I don’t know. Running is just something I do sometimes, and I don’t think it’s special or particularly like it. But being able to help you was the first time I felt like it was something…more.” More than survival. More than something I’m forced to do.
“Really…?” Nishimura hesitated, looking disbelieving.
“Really. And I really am glad I came here. I enjoyed it, you know, until I tripped. But even then, everyone was nice and helped me. It made me want to come back.”
Nishimura stared at him for a while, expression unreadable. Then he sighed and leaned back. “Okay, well, good.” Natsume could see Nishimura’s shoulders slump as the tension drained out of him. “But I still pushed you. You don’t have to make excuses for me. I’m just sorry I did it and I won’t do it again.”
“Okay, apology accepted.”
Nishimura looked startled, like he’d expected Natsume to keep fighting him on this, then his face broke into a grin. “Thanks, man.”
“You don’t have to make excuses for me either. I’m sorry I’ve been stressing you guys out when I get hurt. I’ll stop hiding it or trying to downplay it. I mean, I do want all of you to understand I…” Natsume knew better than to say he was “used to it” now, so he searched around for a less alarming but still honest way to phrase it. “I have a high pain tolerance, so sometimes it really doesn’t seem like a big deal.”
“Dude, that doesn’t make me feel better.” He could tell from how Nishimura looked at him he’d heard the “I’m used to it” even though Natsume hadn’t said it out loud.
“No, I know. Look, from now on, I’ll admit when something hurts.” He looked down at his ankle, wincing. “Like my ankle really hurts right now. I don’t want to go to the hospital but I’m kind of looking forward to getting painkillers.” He looked over at Nishimura. “Did that work? Or did it just sound whiney?”
“Nah, you need to whine a little more, man.” Nishimura punched him lightly on the arm. “I’m telling you, it feels good. When I sprained my ankle a couple years ago, I whined to everyone I knew. That whine was weak. Try harder.”
“It’s…uh, agony. I…might die? Was that good.”
“You need to work on your delivery, but it’s a start.”
They both laughed. Just laughing soothed something in Natsume, his stomach unknotted, and his racing heartbeat slowed. His ankle even hurt a little less.
When the laughter settled, Natsume looked down, twisting his fingers in his lap. “Look, I know I… kind of lie and hide things as reflex a lot. But I’ve been trying to be more open with the people I care about.”
Nishimura shrugged. “It’s fine. I mean, Kitamoto and I aren’t that stupid, we know there’s something going on with you, but you can take as much time as you need. I know you must have your reasons.”
“Thanks.”
Nishimura chuckled suddenly, looking past Natsume.
“Uh oh, here comes your cat. He looks mad! It’s almost like he knows something happened.”
Nyanko-sensei was indeed stomping towards them, his eyes narrowed.
“Agh, I’m really in trouble this time,” Natsume said. Nyanko-sensei jumped into his lap, making sure to throw his heavy weight around as he landed. “Oof.”
“Oh, your troubles have just begun. Don’t forget Touko!” Nishimura said cheerfully.
“Like I could.”
“I wouldn’t use the “I could die” line on her, she might believe you.”
“Amazing advice, thank you.”
Nishimura smirked. “I’d tell you to run, but, you know.”
Mmm…” Natsume said, stroking Nyanko-sensei, who was making faint, irritated noises. “That’s okay. There are some things I don’t want to run away from”.
---
And that's that! f i n a l l y. I'll add it to the running post, make a post with the complete thing, add it to ao3 etc later!
Running the Gauntlet: A Natsume Yuujinchou fanfic (Part 1)
Part 1 of my fanfic based on the idea I had in this post about Natsume's running abilities making his life at school difficult that blew up.
Includes a couple silly footnotes!
Running the Gauntlet
“I wish Natsume wasn’t our anchor,” a classmate complained.
Natsume flinched. It’s not like I wanted to be, he thought glumly. He pretended he hadn’t heard, hunching over and tying this shoe. So many students and teachers milling around on the grass, waiting for the big event, whoever it was probably hadn’t noticed he was nearby.
But then, Nishimura’s response made him feel even worse.
“Man, shut up. You haven’t really seen Natsume run. He’s friggin’ fast. We’re lucky to have him.”
Natsume appreciated Nishimura standing up for him, but inwardly he was screaming at him to please stop talking about this.
Then Kitamoto chimed in, “Yeah, one of the first times we saw him outside of school, he basically dashed out of the woods at warp speed. So don’t be rude.”
He saw Kitamoto glance quickly at him, clearly aware might be in earshot.
“Fast? Come on you two, I know he’s your friend, but the guy is sickly. You’re expecting me to believe someone who collapses every other day is a good runner? I’m not saying he’s a bad guy, I’m just not counting on him to win this”. The classmate, who rarely spoke to Natsume, adjusted his glasses.
“You’ll see,” Nishimura said smugly.
Natsume groaned inwardly, straightening up.
He eyed the various students hanging out in different colored headbands, the boy handing out water bottles from the tent, and some teachers talking off to the side. There was even a chattering crowd on the small set of bleachers. A crowd that included parents.
But worst of all was the looping black track, sizzling in the sun before him. He, Nishimura, and the rest who’d been chosen for the relay race would be lining up on it soon.
He hated Sports Day.
To be fair, this was his least hated sports day so far. He’d never actually experienced sports day while having friends before. When he was a kid, he could expect being pushed to the ground and mocked, or having classmates complaining loudly to teachers about being paired up with the liar. Best case scenario was he’d merely have to feel lonely as he was left out of class celebrations, watching parents and friends cheer others on when there was no one to cheer for him.
But this year he’d been able to cheer wildly for Taki during the bean bag toss, laugh at Tanuma as he was forced to dance awkwardly with the rest of his class during their group performance, and smile as Tanuma got some sweet revenge by beating him at the scavenger hunt. He’d gotten to high five Kitamoto and Nishimura after every victory, and even Sasada once.
So many parents being here was still a little intimidating, though. He kept expecting one of them to yell at him to get away from their kid, even though he knew it wasn’t like that anymore. The Fujiwaras hadn’t been able to come, as they had a relative’s wedding to attend today. Natsume hadn’t even told them today was sports day, because he didn’t want them to feel bad about it. He was also kind of relieved they couldn’t come, because he would have been even more nervous if they were watching.
Overall, it had been a good day. He was basically enjoying himself.
But there was no getting over the dread of his biggest obstacle yet—the relay race. He was really going to have to pay attention to his running. It was such a tough balance…he didn’t want to let down the class, but he also needed to think of…
“Natsume, are you okay?” He blinked, noticing Sasada was suddenly next to him. “You were spacing out a bit.”
“I’m fine! Actually, are you okay?” She looked pale, and she kept fiddling with her glasses. It was strange to see her without the usual air of confidence.
“I’m nervous,” she admitted. She’d been chosen for the relay race too, and was looking at the track with almost as much trepidation as he was.
“Sasada! Natsume!” Nishimura ran forward before Natsume could reassure her. “It’s all up to us!”
“Yay,” Sasada said blandly.
“Whar’a wrong, Sasada?” Nishimura grinned smugly at her “Worried you’re gonna be the sports day cliché?”
“The…what?”
“You’ve seen it on TV, right? In anime and stuff? There’s always the one person who trips during the relay race. They scramble to their feet, tears in their eyes, and pass off their baton…” Nishimura imitated the gesture dramatically. “But don’t worry! You can trip all you want, I’m so fast it won’t matter! No need to be nervous!”
Sasada shook her head, putting her glasses back on. “You know what, your stupidity has calmed my nerves a bit, thank you,”
“Glad to be of service.”
---
Considering all that, Natsume wasn’t exactly surprised when Nishimura was the one who tripped.
Natsume winced when his friend went down, hoping he wasn’t hurt. It would be okay, right? Nishimura was so good-humored. This wasn’t a big deal or anything. He’d just laugh it off and…
Nishimura stumbled up, his knee bleeding, his face burning with shame. Natsume could see his eyes were brimming with tears. Of course he was devastated. Nishimura may act carefree, but he hated letting people down.
Natsume sighed.
Fine then.
“Nishimura!” He called out, offering his hand. “Don’t give up! I’ve got this!”
Nishimura’s face lit up instantly. He jogged as fast as he could and slammed the baton in Natsume’s hand. Natsume faced forward. The others had a massive head start, but that wasn’t enough to make him give up.
A yokai is chasing me, he told himself. A big one with sharp teeth.
And next thing he knew, he was crossing the finish line.
Cheers exploded around him as the other runners caught up, lagging after him. And then, suddenly, what seemed to be the entire class was rushing towards him. He had to resist the urge to put his hands up defensively.
Nishimura slammed into him from the side, embracing him. Tears were streaming down his cheeks and he was whooping and laughing. Heat spread up Natsume’s neck and face. It was the first time Nishimura had ever hugged him. Or cried so openly in front of him. He knew it was considered fine for guys to cry and hug only when it involved sports for some reason, but it was still a surprise. He wasn’t used to that kind of intimacy. Not that it was bad. It was kind of nice.
The rest of his class gathered around him, yelling things like “way to go” and “that was amazing!” Even Sasada, her face still red and sweaty from her run, was screaming her head off and jumping up and down. Kitamoto clapped Natsume on the back and soon several classmates followed suit. Natsume was sure a red handprint was permanently etched on his back now.
“Dude, I knew you were fast, but I didn’t know you were that fast!!” Nishimura yelled through his tears.
“Seriously, do you have a secret running regimen I don’t know about, or is it just natural talent?” Kitamoto said.
Natsume heard some more cheering explode behind him, and looked over his shoulder to see an uncharacteristically excited Tanuma waving at him from the other side of the track, “Congrats, Natsume!”
“Tanuma, you could at least… pretend to care… that our class lost,” said the boy Natsume had gone up against, still doubled over and panting.
“Sorry.”
There was loud whistle from the stands and Natsume saw it came from Taki. The girl next to her had covered her ears. Taki didn’t notice, and let out another impressively strong blast, waving at him. She removed her knuckles from her mouth and shouted “Woo, Natsume!”
Natsume was torn between being happy his friends supported him and so embarrassed he could die.
“I owe you an apology, Natsume,” said the boy with the glasses, whoever he was.
“Hell yeah you do!” Nishimura responded.
“Nishimura…” Kitamoto’s said scoldingly, his eyes flicking to Sasada.
“Ah…I’m sorry too, Sasada,” Nishimura said sincerely. “You really showed me.” (Sasada had been fast enough to give Nishimura a head start, as Natsume suspected she would be, she’d certainly caught up to him out of nowhere plenty of times in the early days of their relationship).
Sasada wasn’t listening, she was looking at a fit girl with short black hair from another class, who was also still panting from the race. “How about that, Chiyo!” she called over to her.
“You win this one, but I’ll get you next time, Jun! Just you wait!” Chiyo called with a matching huge grin and an excited look in her eyes. For some reason Sasada blushed delicately in response*.
“Okay, okay, give him some room to breathe,” Kitamoto said, shooing at the others. They all stepped back, though Nishimura remained by Natsume’s side. Natsume was grateful for Kitamoto, he was dizzy and overwhelmed. He’d had no idea races like this were such a big deal to people. He was more grateful than ever the Fujiwaras weren’t here to add on to all this.
“Look Natsume!” Sasada had finally torn her eyes away from the other girl and was pointing at the stands. “Even the track coach looks impressed!”
“No wonder, you’re faster than half her team,” Kitamoto said. “Bet she tries to recruit you!”
Natsume’s stomach dropped like a stone. Indeed, the track coach, a woman with short brown hair and sharp eyes, was looking at him with interest. This was exactly what he’d been afraid of. His personal hell had returned. Had winning a measly race been worth it?
Natsume looked over at Nishimura, who was still jumping up and down and hollering about how he was going to treat Kitamoto, Sasada and Natsume to some manju, not even minding when Kitamoto snarked at him about it how it must be a cold day in hell if the man who sponged off everyone was paying the tab for once. He flashed Natsume another ecstatic grin, and Natsume smiled back.
Yeah, it had been worth it.
--
Natsume had experienced a lot of reoccurring horrors, but the most annoying of them was being hounded by track coaches at every school he went to.
Apparently, spending most of his life running from yokai had made him faster than the average person. He’d been unaware of this until his first year of middle school. When it came time to run the track, Natsume had heard whispers around him, a couple of the kids placing bets on when he’d collapse. One boy had even smacked him on the shoulder and screamed “The liar’s gonna come in dead last!” in his ear.
Natsume hadn’t really done much racing against other kids on the playground, and he’d been sick during a lot of gym classes, so he’d also figured he’d struggle against the other kids. It had completely shocked everyone, himself included, when he blew past them all with ease. He’d reached the finish line only to find the other kids several feet behind him, panting and gawking.
The gym teacher’s eyes had gone wide, and he’d immediately started urging Natsume to join the track club. The man had even gone to Natsume’s current guardians about it.
His guardians had resented that he was getting attention while their real kid was an overlooked benchwarmer on the baseball team. They’d thrown lots of snide comments Natsume’s way. And…well, he hadn’t had a good time on the track team at all. When he’d inevitably had to move again after those same guardians got tired of him, leaving the track club behind had been the silver lining.
Upon transferring to a new school, he’d decided to keep his speed under wraps. But then a coach noticed him running when he was late for class one day and his troubles started all over again. At first he’d avoided the coach by coming up with excuses about responsibilities or detention or headaches, but eventually he was just reduced to hiding under the bleachers when he saw the man.
At another school, a coach tried to recruit him for her team SO aggressively he’d made the stupid mistake of running away when he saw her—and naturally, seeing how fast he could book it had just increased her interest.
So, when he was gathering up all the extra water bottles from the hydration station tent at end of the day, and saw the track coach approach him, his heart started pounding, He fought back his urge to bolt, even a flashbacks filled his brain.
“Natsume, right? I’m Sakuragi, if you don’t remember,” The woman had a wide, genuine smile. He’d only spoken to her a few times, but he was pretty sure she was Taki’s homeroom teacher. “You showed some impressive hustle today! Have you ever thought of joining the track team?”
Fortunately, Natsume had his excuses pre-prepared. “Oh wow, that’s such an honor, Sensei!” He said, continuing to gather up the water bottles while still maintaining polite eye contact. “But, you see, I get sick very easily, so joining a team is a bad idea. I’d just end up being absent a lot, and I’d let the team down.”
“That’s not a problem.” To his horror, the teacher bent down and started picking up the water bottles herself.
“You don’t have to trouble yourself—” He began quickly, but she cut him off, saying “ I’d never require you to come in when you’re not feeling well. You wouldn’t need to worry about calling out sick. We’re a fairly large team, so other students can easily sub in for you if you can’t make a race.”
What kind of laid back track team was this? Never mind, Natsume had a backup excuse. “Well, that’s great, but I’m also concerned about making trouble for my foster parents. It’s a lot to ask them, and I don’t want to put them out. I’d be around to help them less. They’d have to pay for expenses, like when overnight trips at the inn when we go to other towns, or shoes—”
“The school supplies the shoes and other essentials, and we can cover trip expenses if need be. Also, I chat with Ms. Fujiwara at the grocery store often, and she loves bragging about you. I can’t see her turning down a chance for you to develop your skills and enjoy some team spirit!”
Natsume looked down at his shoes, sure that he was tomato red right now. Touko bragged about him? What did he even do worth bragging about? “He only missed ten days of class this month”? “His grades were perfectly mediocre again”? “He hasn’t come home covered in dirt in a while”? “He made five whole friends in school, somehow?”*
Still, through his embarrassment, he felt a little warm inside. She was proud of him. It was a still a new feeling, and he wasn’t sure what to do with this strange, shy happiness.
“Natsume?” The coach’s voice snapped him back to reality. “Is there anything else bothering you, or would you like to come do a practice session with us? If you don’t like it, you don’t have to join. I’ll respect your decision.”
“I…” Natsume was searching for another excuse.
Nishimura jogged up. “Natsume, do you need any—" He noticed who Natsume was talking to and his eyes widened. “Oh, sorry to interrupt, Sensei! Natsume, are you being recruited? That’s so cool!”
“Ah, you were his teammate today, right?” Sakuragi smiled at Nishimura kindly.
Nishimura flushed a bit, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, Natsume really saved me out there. He’s a dependable guy! And he’s a great runner!”
Nishimura flashed a grin at Natsume, who was wishing he had telepathy so he could tell him to stop. He tried to send a signal by shaking his head slightly, but Nishimura wasn’t looking now.
“Well, that definitely sounds like track team material,” Sakuragi said jovially. She turned to Natsume. “Looks like your friends vouch for you. But it’s up to you, Natsume. Would you mind just stopping by?”
Natsume couldn’t bring himself to directly say no to a teacher in the first place, and now Nishimura and his enthusiasm had been added to the mix. “I’ll give it a try,” he mumbled, forcing a smile.
“Great! Just come to the track after school tomorrow. I think you’ll find it’s a lot more fun than you’re thinking.”
Natsume kept the smile fixed on as they carried the water bottles back into school. When the coach departed and they came ouside again, he and Nishimura met Taki and Tanuma. As always, Nishimura immediately started blushing and fidgeting , but as always, Taki failed to notice.
“I saw you with Sakuragi-sensei!” she said with a smile. “Impressing her is a big feat, Natsume! And don’t worry, she’s really nice.” She put her hand on Natsume’s shoulder, and Nishimura let out a strangled squeak. “She won’t get mad at you, whatever you decide.”
“Are you okay?” Tanuma said softly. Clearly both he and Taki had noticed he wasn’t actually happy right now.
“I’m fine,” Natsume said, letting the fake smile drop away and replacing it with a shrug of his shoulders. “I’ll just check it out. No big deal.”
---
“I don’t get why you’re whining so much about it,” Nyanko-sensei said, trotting beside Natsume as he walked to school the next day. “It’s just one measly meeting. What’s so bad about this running team thing anyway?”
“The people who took care of me when I joined the track team the first time were really bothered by it. They didn’t like having to drive me places, or the attention I got—”
“The Fujiwara’s aren’t like that, so that’s a stupid excuse.”
“That’s true, but it’s more than that,” Natsume sighed. “Last time, I was constantly late or absent. A yokai would attack me or I’d get sick...”
“Wimp.”
“Shut up, Sensei. Anyway, whenever that happened, the coach yelled at me for flaking out. I let everyone down.”
“But this woman said it doesn’t matter if you’re sick and can’t come, right?”
“She says that now, but she might change her mind,” Natsume mumbled.
“You’re so gloomy,” Nyanko-sensei shook his head. “It’s annoying.”
“Look, even if what she says is true, my teammates probably won’t like me. They didn’t last time. And I just…I just hated the feeling of all those people looking at me.”
He’d struggled a bit with just the sports day crowd watching him, but being on a real team was a million times worse. All those people judging, all their hopes riding on him not messing up… He shivered, remembering the way his skin had crawled, the way his breathing turned funny, the way his hands had shook. All those eyes on him…the weight of their gaze had made him want to curl up so small they couldn’t see him anymore.
“And there’s the actual reason. You’re bad with other people and you get stage fright. Boring.” Sensei yawned. “Just get over it. You have yokai trying to eat you all the time, why’s this scary?’
“I’d rather deal with yokai than the track team,” Natsume said emphatically.
Nyanko-sensei scoffed.
“A couple years ago there was this coach who was always chasing after me to recruit me. I was running from her, trying to get off school grounds so she couldn’t follow me, but then I saw that there was this huge yokai on the path out of school. Big fangs, sharp teeth, claws, all that. I’d have to double back to avoid it, and the coach would catch me. So… I took the better option, and I ran past the yokai.”
“Idiot. Did it attack you?”
“I took a swing at me and knocked me out. But because of that the teacher was reprimanded for making the sickly kid collapse and they threatened to fire her if she ever chased a student again. She stopped trying to ask me after that. So it all worked out.”
“I don’t understand humans,” Sensei sighed. “Anyway, I’m in favor of the track team. If it helps you run faster, that means less of you getting snatched by yokai and less work for me.”
“Stop being lazy and trying to skip out on your bodyguard duties, Sensei. Yokai shouldn’t be chasing me down in the first place, it’s your job to take care of them.”
“I’ve got my own life to live! Stop being so selfish!”
“I’m the selfish one?”
They bickered all the way to the school gate, and though Natsume would never admit it to Nyanko-sensei, it did make him feel a lot better.
---
Part 1 complete! Part 2 to come. This is probably about halfway there, if not more.
Footnotes:
*Yes, Sasada has a sports and academic rival yuri storyline in the background. Yes I'm being self indulgent. It's what she deserves. It probably won't come up much more, I just thought it would be funny. Sasada's having this whole romantic epic while Natsume's worrying about track.
*Touko has been bragging about how kind and helpful you are, Natsume, you dummy. And about the garden he made and how it was good it was and other things Natsume does really well he hasn't noticed. She's also probably noticed he's fast and relatively strong for his size, he's always fetching and carrying stuff for her, but Coach thought she was exaggerating. UNTIL NOW.
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thoughts on Clippet? (eclipse x puppet)
I think I would actually start eating bricks for breakfast
I’M SORRY!! NOT ACTUALLY LMAO || ALL LOVE / NO HATE
I don’t see Eclipse as a shippable character! ESPECIALLY not with Puppet.
Eclipse (as a whole when it comes to having any kind of relationship) is a character that struggles to keep connected to people and much less open up to them. The only time he’s ever opened up about anything is to try to defend himself when someone assumes the worst. He’s never comfortable around anyone, and he’s expressed many times that he just isn’t interested in the ideas.
THERE IS FOOTAGE OF HIM BEING ACTUALLY COMFORTABLE. WATCH VILLAIN PLAYS. HE’S SO /RELAXED/ IN THOSE VIDEOS IT’S INSANE. (Thanks SleepyNoGay for opening my eyes to VP…)
This is heavily why I HC Aro/Ace, because he is originally a Moon. I do agree that he is his own person and could have different preferences, which is EXACTLY WHY I DON’T CARE IF HE GETS SHIPPED ANYWAYS, but I just think, because he used to be THE Aro/Ace character (Moon), that he’s more than likely aro/ace too.
ALSO FOR THE PEOPLE WHO GO “aro/ace can still be in a relationship” HONESTLY DNI (not actually, everyone is different and I simply am not someone who can understand) AS AN ARO/ACE PERSON THAT LINE MAKES ME SO SICK TO MY STOMACH, EVEN THOUGH I’D LIKELY BE THE EXCEPTION!! ALSO THAT IDEA WAS ONLY BROUGHT UP BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE CRYING ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO SHIP ALASTOR FROM HAZBIN HOTEL. GET OUUUUT!!!!!!
Acespike and Cupiromantic, THAT’S WHO I AM!! But I could NEVER be happy in a relationship of any kind because my aro/ace would DESTROY me. (Tested and proven. Numerous times.)
Also he’d likely neglect his partner, and when he realizes he’s being the toxic partner, he’d feel really really sick over it, and would likely break up because of it. I just don’t think it’d be healthy for either parties!
BUT I HAVE BEEF WITH PUPPET, AND ECLIPSE DOES TOO.
I’m SORRY did we FORGET the MONTY AND PUPPET PODCAST?!??! YOU KNOW, THE ONE WHERE ECLIPSE WAS KIDNAPPED, TIED UP, AND THEN EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY DEGRADED?? THEY PUT THE /WORST/ TITLES THEY COULD WITH BARELY ANY CENSORSHIP AND FRAMED HIM FOR BEING /SEXIST/.
THAT EPISODE WAS BAD ENOUGH TO MAKE ME HATE PUPPET FOREVER…UNTIL SHE APOLOGIZES…depending on how she apologizes.
But also, her way of “befriending Eclipse” is just so bitterly annoying to me, and she would only make me want to destroy the universe I reside in more. She’s so pushy to believe Eclipse can be better, yet, like a plant, she starts screaming at it to grow and then complains when it doesn’t. BECAUSE…YOU PUT IT IN A DARK ROOM, WITH NO WATER. IT’S GOING TO DIE, PUPPET.
I can’t even see this whole Eclipse and Puppet Show as a “redemption arc”, it’s genuinely just a live broadcast of Eclipse’s energy weakening more and more until he either collapses or falls off a cliff whether someone pushes him or he just decides “now is a great time for a nap.”
He’s just being overwhelmed the whole time, and because his previous tactics of lashing out and making people fear him isn’t working, he’s just giving up entirely. You can SEE how angry he is ALL THE TIME, he still LASHES OUT but it’s been reduced to small outbursts and hitting things.
“Well, if he’s so upset, why doesn’t he just leave?!”
Where would he GO?? Eclipse’s are UNIVERSALLY HATED and Puppet probably wouldn’t LET HIM because she’d think he’s going to cause problems elsewhere!
Eclipse is literally just masking.
SIGH
SO, UNFORTUNATELY…
I think Puppet x Eclipse sucks beyond mortal comprehension.
Am I also just…nauseous with shipping fictional characters, so there’s my only bias.
BUT LIKE IF YOU LIKE THE SHIP, SLAY BESTIE!!! I REALLY DON’T CARE WHAT YOU DO OR DO NOT SHIP AND HEADCANONS + FAN LORE ALWAYS EXISTS!!! This is just my personal opinion!! 😋😋
#sun and moon show#fnaf security breach#tsams#fnaf dca#fnaf daycare attendant#five nights at freddy's security breach#eclipse tsams#the security breach show#tsams eclipse#the sun and moon show#the eclipse and puppet show#tsams rant#tsams ramble#tsams confession#rant#ramble#confession#tsams ships#tsams ship war#teaps eclipse#eclipse teaps#puppet teaps#teaps puppet
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Speaking of said dad, he went on a lil mini 10 day holiday across the country to Perth to sight see nature and go on a boat ride to see some Orcas (he's retired, it's his way of getting out the house and not turning into an old man potato, and comes back with hundreds of photos of landscapes, plants and flowers and points of historical interests to show my Mum and I, with cool facts and stories in a slideshow~)
Unfortunately i was still sick at the time and didn't get the chance to join my mum in dropping him off at the airport, let alone the chance to give him a big 'ol hug before he left- so I drew him this 💖
You can't escape the 'Ken hugs.
#fun fact I actually have mild OCD when it comes to hugs especially with family members#sometimes they have to deal with me hugging them many times over until its right#and if I don't hug them before they leave I get anxious as hell#it used to be to the point of panic attacks- my brain would tell me because I didn't hug them they will die before I see them again#and they would never know how much I love them#Family gatherings are a hug fest- my family and their partners know the moment I bust through the door I must run the circuit#everyone gets hugged and neither of us have a choice in the matter#at least it's hugs and not something else like turning on and off the lights a number or times or closing and opening doors or some such#sure hug OCD sounds nice but when it's been like 5 minutes and 15 hugs it's not fun for either party-it's better these days but it took wor#or running out the door to your sisters car because the hug wasn't right and they're about to drive off and if I don't catch them in time-#-I'd cry for hours feeling dread and anxiety down to my bones until i end up sick and in bed- that's not so nice#the brains a bitch
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hey i just thought you guys should know in case you want to use this info against me for horny reasons that im pretty much always on the verge of tears and it takes little to no effort to make me cry
#me#dacryphilia#especially if im pmsing or on my period which i am rn#actually i have a fucked up cycle and jacked up hormones so theres only like 5 days a month where that doesnt apply tbh#anyways i wanna post something today but i have no backstock photos#and my period and the fact that ive been sick for a week are making me feel not very up for taking pictures of my body#but ive been crying on and off every 2 seconds all day which has me thinking dacryphilia thoughts and i havnt posted much of my face lately#so might take some cute crying videos or something later
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.
#I DID LAUNDRY#no yall dont understand#i have been unable to drive since april i have been so fucking sick#and after i got treated for sepsis i still had massive anxiety around being in vehicles#(context: while sick i had uncharacteristic intense and violent motion sickness)#ive only just been able to overcome the worst of it to be able to drive my little one to and from school (no busses for preK)#and ive been slowly desensitizing myself by going places with my family#yall.#i just drove my ass to the laundromat and did motherfucking laundry by myself#LAUNDRY#look i know its a fucking everyday chore for most people but it's an everyday chore I Have Not Been Able To Do For Months#a chore i did completely on my own. nobody else in the car for backup or emotional support#it feels like the first small step in truly getting my life back#and it makes me feel so much better knowing there's one more chore i can take off of my husband's shoulders#i did it#i can't believe i fucking did it but holy shit i did#im legit going to cry over fucking doing laundry by myself
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theres a really. special kind of despair in the uncertainty brought about by moments of success and achievement. the inevitable “what now” of reaching your goals. and i kind of wish someone had warned me how hollow graduating university would feel, tbh
#taylor.txt#im miserable primarily for other reasons right now but i dont think i appreciated how much this just…wouldnt feel like anything#i think especially in my case as someone who so desperately needed ‘going away to college’ to get out of my childhood situation#and now for the past 5 years everything ive done has been for the purpose of getting my degree and finishing school#like im fine i guess i just kind of wish i could feel proud of myself or happy its over instead of like dreading the ceremony and feeling#like everything i have to do for grad is just one more thing i have to check off a list. getting my grad photos done felt nice but idk#it kind of feels like no one really cares which. idk why i would expect it to NOT feel that way. but yeah#tl;dr im around Kinda…need to finish stuff up but im over the really busy part of this all. kinda just coasting to the end here tbh#when this is over i’m gonna get to my request fics. prommy. wanted to do them over the long weekend but i was sick :(#anyway like to be clear im fine. people have been pointing out today i seem down and i think embarrassingly a collection of my students#noticed me crying on the bus today but thats life i guess you make do. im sad and thats ok. tbh
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i do not want to live here anymore
#font mind me just crying on my living room floor#i feel like i cant ask my dad for anything bc im already asking so much of him#he pays my phone bill#i live rent free here#hes paying for my schooling which is expensive where i go#i feel like i cant ask for a better phone or his help with living somewhere else while i go to school#and we cant hangout and do fun stuff like trips bc i feel like i dont deserve time off if im not doing great in school#and i dont feel like i have the time either bc im bad at school and i worry abt future grades and hw ive been assigned#bc this hw is supposed to be 'easy' and its not#its fucking difficult and i dont have any accommodations bc im scared of drs and i dont want a diagnoses fucking up my future#bc it will. the world is ableist#theres no lying abt that. we get fucked over#and no one understands our pain bc able-bodied ppl are given better jobs bc they can physically afford those long grueling hours#i cant hold a 9-5. it taxes my body too much#and 4 work days a week is at most all i can handle really. thats not good pay#minimum wage is shit here#i cant afford a life without a career#i cant have a career without a degree#i cant have a degree without money to pay for it#and i dont have money cuz i dont have a job#bc im sick
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bro 💔
#i still feel sick and sooo fatigued#i’m soooo annoyed and frustrated#i wanted to get so much done on my days off but i genuinely have no energy#and i haven’t been going on my walks and i feel so WEAK RN I WANNA CRY#why does this feel like a blessing but also karma at the same time#i feel like it’s forcing me to finally fucking rest bc i’ve been on hyperdrive the past two months#but it feels like karma too? idk idk#i’ve been overthinking sm lately
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Why must dieting be absolutely fucking miserable
#ed blogs please dni i am not associated with you#i’ve only been calorie counting for 2.5 days and i’m already SICK OF THIS#why is every food i like to eat like 200 calories per mouthful#i’m planning dinner because i’m SO hungry already and why is a dollop of mayonnaise like the same amount of calories#as a whole can of butter beans. what’s the reason for that#i’m NOT switching to light mayo. at that point i’d rather just cut mayo from my diet altogether#light mayo; reduced fat margarine; light cream cheese & reduced salt marmite all taste horrendous to me#light cheddar as well. i’m not eating it!!!#don’t get me started on having to cut out weed because i will just start crying#being sober turns me into such a hater but the last thing i need is anything that will increase my appetite#i’ll be fine in like a week once my body adapts to eating 2074 calories instead of like fucking… 3000 or whatever it was#most of which were junk. i’m very sad that i can’t eat more than one sweet or piece of chocolate per day but i’m just trying not to think#about it. and while i’m on the subject; since when are fibre one brownies so boring. i feel like they used to taste legitimately good#i’m going to take up running again. because then i will be able to eat more. but also i will be hungrier. i CANNOT win#they really need to invent a low calorie food that actually tastes good to me. every time i google it i’m like eurgh#celery and nuts. fuck off#if i didn’t have arthritis in my knee and a family history of heart problems i wouldn’t be doing this shit but alas! i probably should#i just want to take like 20kg of strain off my knees it should not be this hard. and yet!#personal
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everyone pray for me that i did not just give myself food poisoning (;・∀・)
#i may have made a bad decision with the meat i cooked shdjdkl BUT I THINK IT'LL BE FINE#it was past the date on the packaging but it didnt smell or look or feel off at all so . i decided to risk it#and now im panicking bc i think perhaps that was actually rly stupid fhdkdl#but it was. so much money. i had no idea the date was so soon on the package when i got it from mum#I would've frozen it if I'd known dhdksl i should've looked#alas !!! i think it'll be fine tbh bc it genuinely did not seem spoiled at all so ... now we just pray#i had a fairly small serving of it and I'll see how i feel to figure out if the rest of it is safe to eat or not#im just fhdjdkl crying a little rn bc the past two days have been so awful and im so tired#i rly dont want to get sick on top of everything else going on#i would like one thing to go well fjdkdl just like. one thing. this feels like divine punishment for having the old lady group go so well#im just kind of losing my mind rn i think actually fhfkdl i have a therapy/counseling appt on monday though so we'll see if that helps#i do not have high hopes fjfkdl#MANNNN. can the universe give me a break PLEASE. I've been trying so hard the past three weeks to do well 😭😭#im putting in so much work and effort fhdksl can i PLEASE have this one thing go okay djdksl i do not want to get sick !!!#if i do get sick then im just. hhhhh. idk djdkdl it's just one more thing to add to my pile of Bad ig djdkdl what can ya do djdkdl#i am going to pull myself together and stop crying and go play stardew maybe idk fjdkdl i feel like im starting to crack a little bit#augh. augh. i would love to catch a break djdkdl#dandy.cmd#vent //
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good news: we have water again ! ! ! a pipe had burst somewhere up the street so the city came out and fixed it today (we still need to run the tap to get rid of the air and muddy water but. it's something.)
bad news: i had to go to my partner's to do laundry and shower so i missed out on work time today (bad) (anxiety inducing) (i don't need this right now)
worst news: i have a killer headache and my throat is suspiciously stiff 👁 👁
#please please please for the love of god ; ; ;#i am begging and pleading do Not let this be a repeat of last semester ; ; ; ;#this is exactly how i felt last time i got sick with covid and i Cannot afford another late start ; ; ; ;#i am. suddenly stuck by The Unwelcome Guest last week cryptically asking me when you're supposed to test for covid#and then saying 'hmm. okay. good to know.' and then refusing to elaborate#i swear. to god if she got me sick i'm#i. can't even say. i'm suddenly struck by such helpless grief thinking about how little i can do to keep her from being in my life ; ; ; ;#we literally Evicted her she all but threatened my older sibling into letting her visit weekly to take care of her potted plants#and then in october last year she was like 'my roommate has covid and i don't have money for a hotel i have nowhere to go :'('#so the agreement was she could stay for One Week#and basically she has been. on and off our couch since then.#like. only going back to her apartment for 1 to 3 days at a time before spending another two weeks in our house.#with new excuses every time.#and literally Every Time I Say No And Put My Foot Down older sibling begs on her behalf because she's busy hounding and guilt-tripping them#so like. what can i even do if it turns out she infected me with covid because she didn't care to disclose that she was feeling sick#(and decided to come over anyway)#i'm just. overwhelmed ; ; ;#i feel like crying ; ; ;#i'm already busy pre-mourning the loss of my mental health and down time with my internship starting back next week#i don't need to worry about whether or not i'm going to be bed ridden for 2 weeks#and suffer Even More lasting lung and brain and blood and fatigue issues on top of that ; ; ; ;#a a a a a i just. feel like crying a lot ; ; ; ;#i'm already behind ; ; ;#i should ; ; ; try to work more tonight before the inevitability of it all hits me tomorrow ; ; ; ; ;
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Did sleeping help
No </3
#vent#tsk. isn’t it like. if you hate everything then eat#if you think everyone hates you then sleep#if you hate yourself take a shower?#sooooooooo. uhhhhhhh. didnt. work?#hng. artfight... I was so excited I have so many ideas#but it’s like. everything is triggering me or making me upset or freaked out or sick. idk what to do#I go ‘oh lemme see what my friends have done so far’ and then I see an oc from someone not my friend anymore and I’m like. ougghhh#I feel like such a baby for caring. stupid for being upset still. it’s like it only mattered to me and no one else had to deal with such#crippling anxiety and stress because of it#everyone is getting so much done so fast and I STILL can’t submit the second thing I did. I’m going to lose my head or cry or both or die or#SOMETHING uhhhhhhggggggg and it’s like all my anxieties are circling back around cus it was this time last year shit hit the fan#I have college!! I have no clue what my plans are!! all I’m good for is making fake people and drawing said people!!#I’m such a fucking. stupid.. I wasn’t even supposed to take this last semester off. we just didn’t know what other classes to take or what#to focus on... I’ve been literally free all day every day since December and it’s like I’m STILL not doing anything worthwhile#mmm I’m so alone in this I can’t DEAL well I guess I’ve been ‘dealing’ but I don’t believe thinking about bad situations literally every day#since they’ve happened can be considered as ‘dealing’ with it. I doubt anyone else is thinking about it that hard but I can’t help it#I can’t do a complete cut off from the internet. my only friends are here! what then? then I’m just. some sad sack who doesn’t talk to#anyone? mmm this isn’t a good way to start the day but I can’t NOT think. it’s all I do. my brain is one of the things that makes be I can’t#self labotomize myself into being a chiller person without killing everything that makes me with it#ugh. I’m going to be stuck in this headspace forever. even with apologies and make ups or agreements to stay apart#I’ll still be the one dealing with the negatives and fallout from shitty situations. funny seeing as I still don’t understand how things#even escalated so fast. but whatever. I’m the bad wolf forever. can’t change that
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i feel So awful n bad and off and ag,h,,hjj,
#i feel like ive been hit with the fattest upgrade to my depression#i am so tired n everything is just tiring ive been trying to play games or watch something and i cant#its just . oug..#even being asleep was awful i kept waking up n each time i felt worse#everything is so soggy because of the humidity too i just feel so gross#i ate n i feel so sick because i shouldnt have im never going to get anywhere#it was such a mistake i dont even know why i did i just want to cry#also my wisdom tooth is hurting more than ever i cant even open my mouth anymore its so stiff w sharp pain#im just gonna take more of my medication n try to sleep it off i guess o(-<
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I love the museum scene from ferris bueller so much not only cause its just great but also cause like everytime i see it i see myself and think about how special that kind of moment is
#i talk abt this often but like cause it impacted me so much#cause like i had the worst experince for my second half of highschool and my dad who also didnt like highschool understood#the importance of like taking the day off abd he'd let me skip and call me in sick and have a ferris bueller day as we called it#cause its a movie we both deeply loved and loved together#and at first id just stay at home in bed not getting up with the movie in the background and like eventually i started to do things w my da#cause my mom didnt know and she couldnt know so id go out and do things so it wasnt noticiable i was home all day#and like id walk around my neighborhood and go to musuem and movies and listen to new music and go to parks and places i hadnt been before#trying to give myself the best day show myself something good and slowly i went from rotting away to being like im taking a stand#im not letting my life unfold around me and i went out and did things i wanted to do and learned about all the things i wanted to#and was actually like involving myself in like what i wanted my future to be i went to plays and art museums and the movies#and when i see that scene i think of john huges commentary and how the museum was a place of refuge for him and so he came back to it#and put it in his movie and allowed it to be thst again and it was for arguably his like magnum opus#and that scene just fills me with such a sense of peace and nostalgia and hope and i cry everytime!#and everytime that movie is in theatres i go and see it and after its all over and i walk out and feel the sun shine on my face#everything for a moment feels like its gonna be okay and i think of my dad and the first time i saw this movie in elementary school#on one of those days he just had off and we took the day off together and how during the moment in my life everyone else was telling me#abt how important school was even when it was killing me he knew that sometimes you just had to take the day off and take it easy#and he let me everytime without questiom cause he knew what it meant and how much it meant to me
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i lived
#girl i thought i was going to collapse from the way my chest was burning and my heart was pounding#she was so cheerful and normal i was in shock and she was like 'did you lose sleep over what happened?' in this joking way#and i was like.....i have been crying on and off and feeling sick to my stomach the last two days....i didn't actually say that ofc#i just went 'haha yeah' hgkshfjsjfhdhhd#then at the end of the day i asked her to tell me what really happened and she did and she showed me receipts too#her messages and emails from that parent#so what i got out of that conversation was that the parent was really mad that i was still waiting all the way till 5#even though she emailed me saying her daughter would be late. why did i stay all the way till 5#.....so That was the problem. for some reason#i still don't really get it but ig that's why my boss was like 'this is why you have to let me handle the parents; they're unpredictable'#she said it's something to learn from at the end of the day and not to worry about it#which like. okay. but i still wish she told me about this no correspondence rule in the first place#anyway it's over and i can finally breathe again. seriously feels like i've come back ro life. the last 2 days were nightmarish#i'm actually glad i talked to her after the day was over because being with the kids really helps me feel better. they're so cute
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